#anyway the hold this woman has on me is unreal. that is all i will say here

[koddlet]

little chappell roan study. figured out how to do it so timelapse under the cut :p

MEGA trust the process lol

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday amazing fandom :) I realized last review forgot to mention with it being the 100th ep that I hit quite a milestone myself. It was my 100th review. Unreal and proud of myself for doing 100 of these. Now it's my 101st with this one. They’re hard work but enjoy doing them so much.

Love the responses these have gotten. So Thank you to everyone who's commented, liked or reblogged any of these 100 you are amazing. I appreciate you more than you'll ever know. This episode is adorable for so many reasons lots of good Chenford nuggets in here and lots of John/Bailey moments I can fast forward LOL Let us get started.

6x03 Trouble in Paradise

We start with some GLORIOUS domestic Chenford. I mean legit glorious. Tim with his early morning scratchy voice. Leaning against that door frame like the delicious sight he is. Also let’s not by-pass the scruff. It's littered all over that sexy jawline of his. Mmm. Take me now sir. Anyways....To top it off he’s in his jam jams I love this. He asks her if she slept at all? Lucy telling him she’ll sleep when she’s taken the exam and gotten detective.

Tim scoffing knowing she’s not sleeping then either LOL I mean he’s not wrong…He’s so damn supportive as he listens in as she explains what she’s prepared on. The way he just nods along and listens to her vent. Every woman’s dream Tim Bradford every woman's. Checking in to test the temperature of her neuroses today heh I love him for it. He just wants to love her through this so much. It makes my heart so happy.

Lucy explains how it’s the oral portion that’s keeping her up at night. It would be keeping me up too honestly. Especially with how subjective it is. Also like to note how unfair it is how friggin pretty Lucy looks in the morning. Wish I could look that good ha. Tim asking if she still thinks Primm is out to get her? Then explains her cookie debacle. How she brought him some homemade ones and he just tossed them. I mean that's pretty damn rude....What a schmuck.

I relate to Lucy’s anxiety so much. Because I am her when I am very stressed and anxious. I get hyper focused and can’t relax. Won’t let myself do anything till that’s done. Tim once again does his damndest to calm her, support her and reassure her it’ll be ok. The man deserves a gold star for how amazing he is eps 1-4 truly. He is 10/10 incredible for her. Her legit support system through out this whole thing.

The way he tries to take her highlighter cracks me up. Gently placing his hands over hers and pulls. She holds onto it for dear life though so he gives up. lol Tim tries a different tactic. He tells her she can over-prepare. Which is true. I’ve lived this life. BUT when you are this stressed/anxious that ain’t coming through. Her reply cracks me up. ‘No, that is an idea that lazy people created.’ LMAO This made me laugh so hard cause I would say something to this effect.

Tim does a Hail Mary of logic in this last portion. Telling her she’s gonna get in her head, how she just needs to trust herself and then let it go. His smile is so pure and sweet. Truly thinking he’s gotten through to his girl finally. The way she nods. Then Lucy instantly walks it back ‘ Yeah, I don’t think I can do that.’ I’m rolling. Oh Lucy I do get you girl. Least she’s honest with her man ahha

Tim knows when to tap out and does as such. With a frustrated groan he gets up. Knowing he’s not gonna break her study spell. Noting he’s gonna go take a shower then. Little does he know the prospect of him wet and naked is enough to break it. Lucy is surprised at his sudden departure. Asking if he means right now? He’s so over the convo just gives her a ‘Yeah.’ Wiping his hands of this situation for the moment.

Lucy lust's after him as he walks away from her. The thought of Tim being her break is far more enticing than a normal break. Mmm don’t blame you girl. I would be using that man for all kinds of stress relief if I was you... Lucy finally gets up and follows her man to the shower. For a much needed break. I love the continuity of their shower sex LOL It’s bloody fantastic and we’re all here for it. I saw a great post that said ‘If only 5x01 Tim could see himself now.’ He would lose his friggin mind.

Getting all the shower sex and shower time he wants with Lucy now. She seeks him out for it and vice versa. Gah so good. The writers sure know how to take care of us. Especially with moments like this. D wrote a fantastic fic about this moment. Highly encourage you to read it. Also saw a great tag for this as well. It was their head canon he did that on purpose to get her to unwind with him. Sold! LOL I love this fandom and how it thinks.

We get to see Tim back in T.O mode and it revs my engine everyone. hahaha It just does especially after not seeing it for awhile. Tim standing there looking criminally delicious in one of my fav poses. Arms crossed, biceps bulging, and forearms front and center. Hot damn he’s such a sight.

Celina is being reprimanded for her behavior at the wedding. Because honestly it was concerning to say the least. With Nolan out and Harper needing to get back to the detective squad Tim is taking over. Lucy catches his eye and he knows she’s up to something. I love his expression. He knows he needs to see what is going on. He barks orders at Celina to get war bags ready before he goes to check on his girl.

Lucy going to Smitty has to be one of the most hysterical things. Tim literally just told her to cool it for her sanity. What does she do? Go to friggin Smitty. I’m dying. Thinking it won’t get back to Tim. Your husband done found out already dear. ha I do love the tip Smitty gives her on how Primm loves dogs. Such a Melissa detail there. Appealing to the animal lover in her. Tim interrupts their impromptu study session. This scene is comedy gold. Always is with Smitty. Dude isn’t in the show a ton but when he is. Man delivers haha

Tim can’t believe she’s gone to Smitty to study of all people. It is hilarious how offended he is when Lucy says ‘Is he even really helping her?’ Like damn that's ice cold Lucy. Man was just giving you valuable intel lol Tim corralling his girlfriend into his shift for the day is everything. Once again kudos to our man for doing his best for her. Trying to get an obsessive perfectionist to chill is quite the battle to take on. Not only chill but focus on something eIse entirely isn't easy.

I would know I am her and I feel bad for my friends when I get like this. heh. Tim riding the line between BF and Sergeant in front of Smitty is fantastic. She’s like a toddler right now and he’s continuously trying to keep her from the outlets. The parameters he puts down for both Celina and her crack me up. Still got that T.O bark in him for her. The way his eyes follow her out. *dreamy sigh* That BF side coming back out there. Smitty's comment snaps him out of it though. Too funny.

S7. Imma need more of this trio right here. On and off work. It’s such a good one right off the bat. Celina rambling nervously while Lucy enjoys herself in the back. You know she loves watching him in T.O. mode. Just like the rest of us. We also get the delicious eargasm of him saying ‘Juarez’ with that that sexy inflection of his. If it seems like I’m extra feral this ep for him it's because I am LOL No point in fighting it. I am who I am.

Lucy brings up Aaron and Tim is instantly annoyed. That convo doesn't last more than 20 seconds. Tim pulls the car over immediately jolting them both. Telling them both to get out of the car. Ahh S1 Tim trying to make an appearance. Lucy isn’t phased in the least. Because no matter what she knows soft Tim. Also just had her way with him this morning. She ain’t scared ha Their amazing dynamic never ceases to amaze me. Lucy concedes and says they can just talk at lunch...

I do love them Co-T.O’ing Celina in this one. Perfect mixture of hug and smack really. They respond to a guy who claims to have ‘amnesia’ Tim isn’t buying it in the least cause well it's Tim. They make it to the hospital to interview this man. Tim could not be more over this man and his BS if he tried.

His face while this guy prattles on is priceless. Eric out here killing it once again with his facial expressions. Let’s not forget the ZERO amount of personal space per usual with them. Always delights me paired with the height difference? I’m a happy girl. They are once again the epitome of Grumpy x Sunshine here.

No one does it better than our ship. They reconvene in the hallway to discuss how they wanna proceed. They’re so deep into their chat they don’t realize Celina isn’t there. LMAO Her looking around for them after they’ve left is so funny. Giving me 5x17 flashbacks where they kept losing the kid. Except it's their rookie which isn't much better.

Tim yelling out ‘Boot!’ Mmm yes sir. Celina running over to meet up with Tim and Lucy. He continues his gruff T.O. act with her. Telling her he's about the hang a bell around her neck cause he keeps losing her. Oh Timothy. I adore how Lucy looks at Tim while he’s in this mode. Nothing but love eyes emanating from her. You are at work madam. Reign it in it. Actually don't I love it. I would say this portion is indicative of their future parenting styles. But we all know that man is gonna be a softie to their kid(s)

Because he didn’t get to have that. Lucy is going to have to be the one to lay down the law, funny enough. Especially if they have a girl. Lord help Tim. A mini Lucy running around? Man will be a goner... I do adore Lucy jumping in and saving Celina. Because she would’ve loved that herself as a rookie. Lucy’s T.O teaching style is very in line with me as a leader. As we were see in a future ep with her and Celina. She was denied praise so she wants to give what she was denied herself. Exactly how I am as a leader.

Wanted to give everything to my people that I never got. I adore this trio so much. Very mom/dad and their kid. I love Lucy giving Tim crap for not giving her a little praise. Also Lucy defending why she let Celina just go is the best. It is everything I explained above. Tim was of course is adverse to this idea. Trying to keep that hard T.O exterior going. Lucy not backing down asking 'Have I not softened you at all?' LOL You have my dear, but that is exclusive to you and only you. On and especially off work.

We get early morning domestic Chenford x2 in this ep. I’m eating it up. D and I have had this convo about how creepy John/Bailey are with waking up the other. How they’re just sitting like a weirdo till the other wakes up at the end of the bed. It’s not sweet or romantic in the least. It’s off putting lmao Whereas this moment it’s very sweet and intimate. The way Lucy rolls over and he is the first thing she sees. *happy sigh* What a way to wake up.

Look at how that man is looking at her. Tim is head over heels for her and not hiding it at all. It's exuding out of his delicious form as he gazes down at her. I’m not well guys. I’m not well. This is so precious I cannot. Just standing there. Getting ready for the day while he let's his girl catches some much needed extra z’s. Imma implode with how cute this all is. Getting ship drunk over here and loving it.

We can see how soft this man is for her. Right after she just asked the night before if she had softened him at all? Yes Lucy. Very much so. Tim is legit putty in your hands. Never seen this man as happy as he is with her. Second gif is all the proof I need. Also there is something so sexy about the way he rolls out his cuff. Why is this so attractive? I was already feral enough in this ep ahha Look at that man above. Getting ready in his delicious black shirt like he doesn't know he's an absolute snack.

We also get a nice shot of his chest as he buttons up. Hot damn this man is so beautiful. I’m a legit puddle of attraction *fans self*. After Lucy is done gazing at her beautiful BF she realizes she has slept in. Pops up in an instant panic. Tim replying calmly she needed it. Not phased at all by her reaction. What a good man taking care of her like this.

Seriously he was in the running for BF of the year at this point. Tim tells her to take the morning off. You know it's killing him to watch her drive herself into the ground like this. He had to do something. And if a little more sleep was what he could control then so be it. It’s what he was going to make sure happened.

I love how he asks her 'Don’t you feel better?' It's his soft tone that has me melting. Does me in. Lucy concedes immediately saying that she does. So thankful for this man. Thankful for how he takes care of her without even asking. I love them so much. Also there is nothing like sleeping in after lots of sleep debt piles up. Lucy was due for it and Tim made sure she cashed in.

I adore the way she thanks him for looking out for her like this. It’s very sweet and loving. Heart eyes galore. Now the big ass smile on Tim's face after she says that. *chef kiss* My god that man is so happy to have finally gotten a victory with her. That smile has me reeling basically saying 'You’re welcome, my love.’ He then continues to get ready for the day knowing his girl is happy and rested.

Unfortunately the happy morning bubble doesn’t last for long after this. Lucy gets a text saying her test is ASAP. Which beyond sucks and just another mind game from Primm. Because we all know he makes her wait till dead last. 20 minutes my ass you SOB. I hate it sfm how he makes her wait that long only to destroy her in her oral exam. *grumble*

Honestly makes my stomach turn watching her in that oral exam. I can’t stand to watch it but must for this review. I hate her having to defend her mistake from 6x01. That shouldn’t define what an exemplary career she’s had. To this point she’s been stellar and nothing short of extraordinary. Hurts my heart to watch this scene go down. Also angers me and makes me wanna meet Primm in a dark ally with no witnesses…. Grey looks upset af when he posts the exam rankings. When she reads her results. 17th….

Gah this scene absolutely gutted me the first time. That has not changed during this rewatch. The music paired with Melissa’s outstanding acting got me all in my feels. Holy hell it's like getting the wind knocked out of you watching her devastation. How she tells Grey she’s going to die on that list. Ugh. My heart. Getting punished for taking care of Tim when he needed her. Makes me so mad I wanna throat punch Primm. Grey isn’t much comfort but that is a Tim job. It’s a rough rough scene everyone. Hard to stomach.

When Nolan damn near gets everything handed to him. She has to fight and claw for everything. Then still gets this steaming pile of crap. I hate this for our girl I really do.I truly hope we get to have a hard look at where she goes in S7. This needs to be delved into and wrapped up all in one. Our girl needs a path and a purpose. I truly think T.O. Is the calling she never expected it. Be interesting to see what they do in the next season for her following this. T.O. or not. But if she's a T.O. Tim will be her equal and not her superior for when they get back together. But I'm getting ahead of myself lol

We get domestic Chenford part 3 and it’s the best part of all. So much to love about this scene it’s crazy. The soft Tim we all know and love is ever present in this scene. Also, his partner, supportive Tim, is crushing a performance in this segment as well. It’s beyond adorable from end to end. Just what we needed after that devastating scene before. It does our shipper hearts real good.

Lucy is pouring them some wine for their night in. Cause clearly they’re not going out. She wants to hide away with her man. I do not blame her one bit. Telling Tim she can’t believe she came in 17th… That it’s almost worse than coming in last. I would be feeling the same. Tapping into her childhood a bit and the failures she feels from there.

Not only that, but I’m sure the voice in the back of her head, that sounds like her mom, is voicing the same things. About her choosing this career and life. It’s a good thing Tim is there to quell and silence all those voices. He tells her there is no prize for coming in last. BUT there is one for coming in 17th. Haha Tim then reaches over and pulls out the award he got her.

Look at the smile on that goober. He couldn’t be prouder of himself if he tried. Lucy looks throughly confused until she realizes he’s altered the trophy to ‘17st’ LMFAO. I love this man so much. As does Lucy as she grabs the trophy from him. Realizing what he's done. So many reasons to love this moment.

Lucy stated in 3x03 how much she loves trophies. Tim remembered this and got her one. My damn heart. Not only that the man was so sure she would be #1 he bought it beforehand. Lucy Chen’s number supporter right there. Front and center people. Lucy’s smile is everything. Tim is beaming because she is. Look at him in that second gif. He is smiling ear to ear. All he wanted was to make his girl smile and laugh. Check and check. Well done sir.

Tim truly was so damn thoughtful and precious through out this scene. A+ boyfriend right here folks. A damn plus. Man is soft as butter for her. We all love it. Lucy’s energy has immediately changed thanks to the man next to her. Not only does her tune change she matches his mood. Throwing back a joke of her own. Saying how she gonna have to set her sights on a different future. Then mentions Metro to get a rise out of him.

His reaction is HILARIOUS. He wasn’t ready for the joke she sent his way. Completely unprepared with a good answer. Also the stress it would bring him if she actually did. They know they work well together. That is not the problem. It’s the immense and increased danger she would be in. That’s what would give him a legit heart attack everyday. Lucy Chen has once again broken this man's brain. Gotta be a record at this point heh.

Lucy could not be cuter when she tells him she’s kidding. Her whole body bouncing with laughter. That adorableness that only Melissa can conjure and convey. It’s beyond precious. Tim with his weak. ‘I …I knew that.’ Lucy basically following it up with an ‘Ok babe…’ Whatever you say my love. LOL Not believing him even a little bit. They are so cute and sweet I’m diabetic.

Lucy then looks back down at the trophy he got her. Asking him if he really thought she was going to come in first? That self doubt and lack of confidence creeping back in. She truly needs to know and hear it from him. Needs that reassurance he believes in her. Because just like Tim’s needs her opinion of him to be high. Lucy needs to know Tim believes in her. Tim doesn’t miss a beat with his reply.

The sweet smile going along with it. He’s loves her so much. Is so damn proud of her. It just flows out of him. Wasn’t a doubt in his mind she was capable of being #1. He’s seen her defy the odds so many times. Was front row to every victory and loss that’s shaped her as a cop. He’s watched her become this confident bad ass. Overcoming insane and traumatic things only to come out stronger. Knows she’s a strong test taker. To him was a no brainer she would crush this thing and then some.

Lucy hears all that in his tone and reply. Sadly she doesn't take this as a positive. But a failure on her part. She starts to fall back into her previous mood. Feeling like she let her most important person down. Those insecurities rushing back and she is beating herself up. It’s the way she stares down at first. Then locks eyes with him letting him know she’s sorry. Sorry she’s disappointed him. I saw someone made a 1x12 parallel to this line that kinda hurt my heart a bit. And once again it's something I can relate to cause I’m the same. He is just so damn supportive and cares so so much. That it comes off as high standards.

Ones that people feel like they're going to fail to achieve. When really it's just a great depth of caring and voicing what someone is capable of. Because he was denied that in his childhood he wants to make sure the people he loves know it. So they feel this need to live up to these standards he unintentionally sets. I can so relate because I was this way with my team. I was deeply caring and supportive but also voiced a lot what they were capable of. Because I too had been denied that in my childhood and with other leaders in my life. So when others would watch my team they would tell me that I had such high standards for my team.

They did not tell me this in a good way btw. Even though I produced a successful team that loved me it felt like a slight. Now while I had those standards it was always paired with deep caring and support. Just like Tim. He is just trying to build up those he loves and can come off as high standards people can't reach. Just a fascinatingly tragic thing the woman he falls in love with mistake it as high standards. When he's just trying to show how much he cares and supports them.

I stumbled across and felt it fit this moment. Because right now Lucy feels she has failed his high standards. Failed his idea of her being #1 (which we know she hasn't in his eyes.) That she's disappointed him so much so she can barely keep eye contact with him. The potential for miscommunication for this is immense. Like it was for him and Isabel. Luckily Tim kills this before it's an issue. So proud of him BTW. His growth still floors me.

Where in 1x12 Tim has no answer for Isabel saying his standards made her feel like a failure, here he has one for Lucy. He’s learned from his past and that’s a beautiful thing to behold. He’s learned to love better. To communicate better. Loving Lucy has made him want to be better in both of those aspects. He doesn't want to make the same mistakes with her as he did with Isabel. I said back in s2 his relationship with Rachel I loved. Not because I loved him with her. But because it helped heal him. Showed him he could do a relationship again. She got him back to that place where he could fall in love again.

Even Ashley as much as we didn’t like her got him thinking about marriage, serious relationships etc again. A place I’m sure he never thought he would go again. Also taught him what he didn’t want. Even though she was the one to end it you know he learned from it. He saw all the things he wanted out of life for his next relationship and then he saw those things with Lucy. All that to say is with that growth he's gained he immediately quells the anxiety and disappointment raging inside her. Doesn't let it fester.

Squashes the thought of her thinking he could ever think that with his sweet reply. I love how he shakes his head. Kinda like how he did back in 6x02 when she asked if he loved her. Like he can’t believe she would even think he would say or think that about her. So much is said in one sentence here. The way he leans closer to her as well. Makes sure she can read her his heart eyes as he expresses something so deeply true to him. That she could never disappoint him. *heart clutch*

Then we get the sweetest kiss to wrap this moment up. I love the way she smiles into the kiss and afterwards. Makes me squee to no end. Completed besotted with the man next to her. It’s screaming all over her body language how much she loves Tim. Their kisses always bring me such shippy joy. It's hard to put into words sometimes. But this one definitely gives me all the butterfly feels. The entire scene does really.

The scene ends with the cutest smile from Lucy. We talk a lot about Tim’s “Lucy smile.” The one he only brings out for her. Lucy has the same with her “Tim smile.” Ain’t no one making her smile and legit light up the way Tim does. Look at the way she looks at that man in the final gifs. With sheer reverence and awe that she gets to call him hers. Tim is uber cute reveling in how good a job he did haha

Lucy easily gives into his comments. Letting him pad his ego this time. He’s more than earned it. Agreeing he did and she loves him so much for it. Adores this man by her side. He is keeping her afloat like no one else could. He never once gave up in supporting her through this nightmare. How even at her lowest Tim managed to take care of her and make her laugh and smile. She is forever grateful and it’s written all over those last two gifs. Cuteness they name is Chenford.

The song in this scene is called “healing rock.” Seems fitting. Tim was definitely healing her in this final scene. Also just a soothing song that played in the background. Perfect way to end it. That’s all she wrote for this one. Damn good episode for them. I was on cloud 9 after this one. Hard not to be. Thank you amazing readers for like, comment and reblog these. You are the real MVP's. see you all in 6x04 :)

~~~

Side note -Non Chenford

More I see Lucy in T.O roles more I think I want her to be one. She would be an excellent teacher. Far better than friggin Nolan.

I love Grey Checking in with Tim about Lucy. Tim telling him he will be glad when this is done. Killing him how she is has been a mess during all this. My heart.

John and Bailey had to have had the most unromantic boring ass honeymoon ever. I watched it the first time but I fast forwarded all that this time. *snooze*

[elizaditton]

Too Small To Be Afraid (Chapter 17)

Cover / Master Post / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

I struggle to support myself on Derrick's shoulder as he walks. I was having a hard enough time balancing when he was sitting still, so trying to steady myself as he moves definitely isn't any easier.

As I hold onto my deskmate's shirt collar for dear life, I scan the horizon for any sign of that tree. Since I was always in Derrick's hands when he walked me home before, I was never able to see too much of the surrounding area. Now that I'm up here on his shoulder, I can see everything: stores, houses, cars, and of course nature. It's unreal seeing it all with my own eyes! But as I look around, I can't seem to spot that cherry tree.

Derrick wouldn't take a detour, would he? Since the apartment is so close to the school I highly doubt it, especially since he knows how in love I am with that cherry tree. But if we haven't taken a detour... why have we been walking for so long? I know I wasn't able to see much scenery before, but why don't I recognize anything at all?

"Here we are," Derrick says.

I gaze up at the blue house in front of us. This is not my apartment.

"Um," I start, "where are we?"

"What do you mean?" Derrick asks. "This is my house."

I nearly lose my footing when my legs threaten to buckle beneath me. He took me to his house?! For the party?! Why?! What happened to asking my dad first and helping him with... that thing?!

Panic sets in as my deskmate reaches for the front door. What should I do?! I can't stay here!

"W-wait!" I stammer, hoping to get Derrick's attention.

"Yes?" He asks, a note of confusion in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"I-I— um, I think there's been a misunderstanding!" I blurt out.

"A misunderstanding?"

"Y-yeah, I... didn't think we were coming here. I thought you were taking me home."

Derrick rubs the back of his neck. "Oh. When I asked you before we left, I thought you said you wanted to come over."

My heart sinks. "I-I don't remember," I utter, my core twisting and tightening at my current predicament.

"I'm sorry," Derrick says. "If you want me to, I can turn around and take you home."

"Are you sure? You wouldn't mind it?"

"If you're not ready for this, I don't want to push you," he says as his brows turn upward.

"Then could you—"

Before I can finish answering, the front door opens.

"What's the birthday boy doing standing around out here?" asks a woman with long, wavy brown hair and big green eyes.

"Oh, we were just— I mean, I was about to—" Derrick stammers.

"Well, don't just stand there," says the woman, smiling warmly. "Come in, come in!"

The woman grabs hold of one of my deskmate's hands and pulls him into the house. The unexpected movement causes me to stumble, but Derrick catches me in his free hand before I fall and holds me close to his neck. My heart pounds and pounds in my ears as heat radiates from my reddening cheeks. I thought we were close before, but this?! This is a little too close!

"Mom, I need to—" he starts. "Hey, what's this?"

When Derrick pulls his hand away from me, I scramble to regain my composure. Once I'm able to balance myself on his shoulder I look around the room and see it's decorated with balloons, streamers, and gifts. There's even a banner that reads 'Happy Birthday John And Derrick.' I blink, cocking my head to the side as I read the sign. Who's John? My eyes widen and my heart bangs against my ribcage. How many more people are coming to this party?!

"Don't go thinking I wouldn't decorate just because your brother's not here!" Derrick's mom exclaims.

I forgot Derrick has a twin brother who's away for university. As curious as I am to see how alike the two look, I'm relieved to have another perthean out of the picture.

"Right," Derrick says. "Anyway, Mom, I need to take—"

"What do you think?" His mom asks, clasping her hands together. "I know yellow is your favorite color, so I tried to use as much of it in the decorating as I could."

"Um, it's great! But really, I need—"

"What time are your friends coming over again?"

"5:30. Which is why I need to hurry and—"

"And who's this?" The woman says, leaning towards Derrick's shoulder with her eyes fixed on me.

A shiver runs down my spine as I struggle to think of something to say. "H-hello, m-m'am," I wave.

"This is Kaylin, my deskmate," Derrick says. "And I need to take her home."

"Home? But you just got here!" Derrick's mom says with a frown.

"Well, yes, but I was only... I mean, I just wanted to show her where we live. It was on the way," my deskmate lies.

"I see," the woman says with a smile. "Well, Kaylin, you're welcome to stay if you'd like! I'm sure your deskmate would enjoy your company on his special day."

Guilt builds up in my chest. What was I thinking letting Derrick walk me all the way back home? And on his birthday, no less! He should be using this time to prepare for his party, and here I am forcing him to deal with me. Should I really be treating him like this?

My heart sinks when Derrick turns to leave. This is my last chance. Can I really do this? Will I really be able to make it through this party?

"Hey," I whisper.

Derrick stops in the doorway. "Yeah?"

"It's... okay," I mumble. "I'll stay."

"You will?" Derrick says, his eyes wide and a smile spread across his face.

"Mhm," I hum, although something deep down inside of me still wonders if this is really a good idea. "I think it would be fun to... hang out with you. Outside of school, that is."

Derrick looks down, his grin stretching from ear to ear. "It means a lot to me that you'd say that. But Kaylin," he says, shifting his gaze back to me, "are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I... um," I think for a moment, unsure of what to say. Am I really ready? Do I think I'll be able to handle this? "Well, I don't know. But what I do know is that I want to be here."

"Okay," my deskmate says. "But only if you're sure."

"Don't worry. I'm sure." I say, although the doubts running through my mind don't make me feel sure at all.

What if Derrick misplaces me in such a big house? What if a ton of people are coming over and he forgets I'm even there? What if I get stuck somewhere? What if someone doesn't notice me on a table or counter and I'm knocked around or squashed?

Anxiety wells up in my core as Derrick turns around and closes the door behind him, sealing my fate.

"Oh?" Derrick's mom pipes up from in front of the kitchen sink, where she's begun to wash dishes. "Change your mind?"

I give a shaky nod from my place on Derrick's shoulder. "I-I thought I might as well stay, since I'm here and all."

"Wonderful!" The woman smiles. "Make yourself at home! If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know."

"Th-thanks," I stutter.

Mrs. Drake's brows turn upward for a moment as she smiles. As she returns to washing the dishes, I can't help but wonder if she's caught on to my fear. I need to get a hold of myself! I can't keep stuttering like this! I don't want anyone to think I have anything against pertheans!

"Derrick, honey, don't you want to change into something more comfortable before your other friends come over?" My deskmate's mom asks.

Derrick looks at me with worry in his eyes before looking back to his mom. "I don't exactly want to leave Kaylin alone. Since she's already here, I mean."

"She won't be alone. I'll be right here the whole time," Mrs. Drake beams. "And besides, I'd love to get to know her!"

My gut twists into a knot within me as my arms and legs begin to shake. Left alone with Derrick's mom?! How in the world am I going to handle that?! I immediately start to regret my decision to stay at this party as Derrick raises an open palm to his shoulder for me to step onto. Taking a deep breath, I release my grip on the collar of his shirt and carefully inch towards his hand. I don't know how I'd ever live it down if I stumbled in front of another perthean!

My deskmate lowers his hand onto the kitchen table, and I somehow manage to step onto the hard surface without flailing around much. A hollowness suddenly overtakes my core like a punch to the gut as Derrick removes his hand, leaving me stranded where I stand. The table is much lower than the average balcony, and my head starts to spin as I crane my neck back to look up at my deskmate from the wooden surface.

Noticing my struggle, Derrick crouches down in front of the table. Now he's the one looking up at me, but his size is still so overwhelming to me. He's just so... big. His face nearly fills my entire field of vision! I back up a bit, clutching at my skirt as anxiety floods my nervous system. He's so close. We were close before when I was on his shoulder and when he held me to his neck, but... this is just different. And I'm not so sure I like it.

"Will you be okay?" Derrick whispers.

I let out a deep, trembling breath. "I-I will be. You can go."

When Derrick stands to his full height, I don't dare look up at him again. I keep my head down as my heart pounds and pounds in my chest, begging me to find someplace to hide. Once Derrick leaves, the sound of the running faucet is all that fills the room.

I spin around and see Mrs. Drake continuing to work on the dishes. If I'm lucky, she won't say anything, and I'll only be waiting a short while for Derrick to come back. I figure this is as good a time as any to let Dad know I won't be home for a while. I pull my phone out of my skirt pocket and slide over to my text conversation with him. I write what comes to mind.

Won't be home until later.

I pause. What am I supposed to tell him? Do I really tell him I'm at my deskmate's birthday party? That would be a huge win in his book. I can picture my dad now gloating about how he was right in sending me to Pacific. I shake the thought away and add to the the message.

A friend wanted to hang out.

I gulp, silently hoping he won't ask any further questions, and send the message. It takes a moment, but eventually I get a single thumbs up emoticon in response. I let out a sigh of relief.

"So..." Mrs. Drake says as she glances over her shoulder at me. "Kaylin, right?"

"Mhm," I nod.

"And you're new to Pacific?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She hums in response, returning her gaze to the dishes in the sink. "And... have you always lived in town?"

"Actually, I just moved here. I was born and raised in Maedri," I answer.

"Oh, Maedri!" Mrs. Drake says with a wavering tone. "I heard they have a bustling undercity there."

"Y-yes," I stammer, "it's pretty expansive compared to Chancelor."

A moment of silence passes us by. I watch quietly as Mrs. Drake sets various plates, bowls, and utensils on a rack to dry.

"It would be easy to live entirely underground without ever seeing a perthean then, wouldn't it?" She finally asks.

My heart sinks. What's she getting at? "O-oh, I guess so," I say.

She hums again. "And... might I ask what brought you to a school like Pacific?"

I swallow dryly as my legs quiver beneath me. What am I supposed to say to that?!

"U-uhm," I start, begging my voice to come out without any more stutters, "my dad wanted me to go to his old high school."

"Ah," the woman says. "And would you say you're... handling everything well?"

She has to be onto me. Why else would she be asking me all these questions?

I'm about to answer when I hear footsteps approach from behind. Finally.

"Sorry I took so long," Derrick says, emerging from the hallway. "Kevin and Brittney are on their way, I just got off the phone with them."

As I turn around, my eyes take in every aspect of my deskmate's attire. Jeans and sneakers, a striped yellow and white t-shirt, and a gray and yellow jacket. He's dressed so... casually! I stare down at my school uniform. I feel overdressed.

Derrick chuckles at the sight of me. "Sorry you didn't get to change," he says. "Do you want to take off your blazer?"

I think about his question for a moment. I tend to feel safer with more layers on, like I'm wearing some kind of armor to protect myself from danger. Although, I don't want to risk wearing my blazer to the party and getting it dirty somehow. And maybe it's just because I'm so nervous, but it does seem to be getting hot in here despite how much cooler it typically is above ground.

"Where should I put it?" I ask, removing my blazer and letting my arms breathe through my white button down shirt.

"May I see?" Derrick asks, approaching the table and placing his hand in front of me.

I reluctantly lay my blazer atop my deskmate's fingertips, and he pinches it between his thumb and index finger before lifting it high up to his eyes.

"Wow," he whispers.

My entire body is immediately overcome by a hot flash of some kind, and I begin to tremble where I stand beneath my looming deskmate.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that!" He stammers as his face reddens. "It's just that it... and you... I mean, it's just really tiny. Not that you're... that. I mean, I would never—"

"I-it's okay," I interrupt. "I know I'm... short."

Derrick seems to relax a little at my words. He sighs. "Anyway, there's a place for this right over here," he says, carrying my blazer to a coat rack beside the front door. He hangs it on a smaller arm that seems to be designed for human items. "There."

They have a spot for human items on their coat rack? I thought for sure nothing in this house would be fit for a human!

"You look confused," my deskmate states.

I straighten my head and unfurrow my brow. "I-it's just... I didn't think you'd have something like that here."

Derrick looks back to the coat rack. "You mean a coat rack? Doesn't everyone have one of these?"

"No, I mean that," I say, pointing to the smaller arms. "Why do you have a spot for human items on your coat rack?"

"For human guests! Why else would we have it?" Derrick asks.

My mouth hangs agape at my deskmate's words. I thought items like this were something I'd only ever see in the movies! I didn't think pertheans would actually include items in their homes for human guests! Come to think of it, I didn't think pertheans would entertain human guests often— yet here I am.

"You think this is special?" Derrick laughs as he approaches the kitchen table and pulls out a chair to sit down. "Wait until you see what else we have!"

My mind swells with wonder and curiosity at the idea of there being other human-friendly items in this house.

"Derrick, honey," Mrs. Drake says, pulling me from my thoughts. "What would you like for dinner tonight?"

My heart skips a beat at her words. How could I forget about dinner?! My body trembles at the thought of sharing dinner with— who knows how many people? No, how many pertheans?

"D-dinner?" My deskmate stutters, his eyes widening with surprise.

"Yes, dinner! You said this morning you'd have to think about what you wanted and that it depended on whether or not one of your friends was coming."

Derrick turns to look down at me, his face a bit pale. "Oh yeah, um... one girl has a few allergies, but... she isn't able to make it."

"So what did you decide on, then?" His mom asks.

"Um..." Derrick starts, his brows upturned and his eyes focused on my quaking frame. Suddenly, a smile appears on his face as he turns back to his mom. "You know, actually, we won't be hungry for dinner. We all had big lunches at school."

Mrs. Drake folds her arms, tilting her head to the side as she narrows her eyes at her son. "Do you really expect me to believe that? You know, the last time something like this happened—"

Derrick abruptly pushes his chair away from the table and stands from his seat. "Mom, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Mrs. Drake nods, letting out a sigh and following my deskmate down the hall.

What's going on? Why is Derrick trying to avoid having dinner so badly? Could this be about me? What does his mom mean by 'the last time something like this happened?' Is Derrick going to tell her about my fear?

Although I know it's rude to eavesdrop, I can't help but try to listen in on the two pertheans' conversation. All I'm able to make out is some harsh whispering, interrupted by the occasional 'why.' At one point I hear Derrick whisper, 'just give me some time!'

As the duo emerges from the hallway, I try my best to look like I wasn't just poking my nose where it didn't belong. I try to ease my tremors by rubbing my arms, but it doesn't help much as Derrick and his mom resume their previous positions in the kitchen. Derrick's mom flashes a polite smile at me, only to immediately turn away and resume drying and putting away dishes. What the heck happened back there?

Bing-bong!

"Oh!" Derrick says, standing up again and heading for the door. "That must be our other guests!"

I gulp and wipe my shaking, clammy hands on my skirt. The party's about to get started, and there's no turning back now.

[microwave-core]

Oh God it's more Headcanons

To prepare for XC3 (because the DLC drops at like 9pm for some reason) I wrote more headcanons, mainly because I didn't have a specific character in mind to drabble about.

Sonia my beloved. God, Galar has so many great characters and yet I just don’t have the time to write for all of them… even those with banger designs. Anyways, Sonia. Where to even start with her.

Her hair is a mess. Humidity is her worst enemy. She spends dozens of minutes a day attempting to detangle it when the weather goes to shit. She would be forever indebted to you if you brushed her hair for her. Please just be careful, she will complain if you tug too hard.

Also be careful if you sleep next to her at night, because you very well may end up choking on her hair. Even just cuddling is risky business. You are never safe, not even if you are the little spoon. But it’s worth it because Sonia runs very warm, so it’s always comfy to hold her or rest in her arms.

Speaking of hair, she wants to style yours. Doesn’t matter what kind of hair you’ve got, she’ll find a way. Straight or curly or coils or braids or what have you, she will play with it. Doesn’t matter how long it is either. If you ask for a specific style, she’ll do it, but at some point she will weave little hearts into it to match her own. Don’t ask how she does it, it’s a secret.

Anyways, enough about that. I am absolutely obsessed with the idea of a kid rocking up to get their first pokemon from the Professor and her wife and their adopted son assistant. She’s just… so powerful I love her so much. 

Hop loves you. He ships you so hard with Sonia it’s unreal. He is Galar’s best wingman and will do everything in his power to get you two alone together. You guys could literally be married already and he would still be trying to set you guys up. And Leon is no different. Sonia’s his best friend and she talks about you all the time. This guy knows how much Sonia loves you and wants nothing more than for you two to be happy together. Sometimes a family is just a professor, her wife, their assistant, and his brother.

Not enough content for Big Sis Plumeria. She’s gotta take care of basically all Team Skull because they would never get anything done without her around, so she’d be immensely grateful if you either helped corral them or help her relax after constantly chasing after them.

She’s very much an “asshole to the world, sweetheart to her girl” type of girlfriend, mixed in with some tough love. She would never raise her voice at you or seriously insult you, something she does often with the grunts. The most she’ll do is mildly insult you for doing something stupid (as in she would call you an “idiot” or something along those lines), but it’s always evident that she’s more concerned than upset.

As long as you're her girl, no one is going to mess with you. Especially if you have a storied history. Asshole ex? Shitty family members? Straight up enemies? You don’t have to worry about those people anymore. 

Oh also all of the Team Skull grunts look up to you and would literally die for you. You’re Big Sis Two, their third favorite person. Also, if anything happened to you on their watch, they would have to face Plumeria’s wrath, which might as well be worse then Guzma’s

Slightly older contest-star Shauna who, despite being pretty girl-crazy, attempts to navigate her first serious relationship. I realize that I like Shauna more than most people, but hear me out.

When she went on a journey through Kalos with her friends, like stated above, she was completely girl-crazy. Literally every girl she met was the absolute prettiest woman she had ever seen (especially Diantha). But she never ended up getting into a relationship, despite wishing otherwise.

When she meets you, she is absolutely smitten. When you’re just friends, she dreams about you every waking minute. She really, really wants to hold your hand and kiss you and go on cute little dates to restaurants and picnics and do contests together and go shopping together and and everything else girlfriends do. She is obsessed. 

But once you start dating her, she’s a mess. She has all these things she wants to do with you, but she doesn’t know how to go about doing any of them, so sometimes she comes off as a little awkward in the most endearing way possible. She’s a little clumsy and hesitant when initiating affection, but every little thing you do together makes her so happy. It’s got the energy of a cute high school romance, just two dumbasses in love with each other.

Also she’s super supportive of you. Like Marnie, she is your personal cheerleader. She’ll bring up your achievements to everyone she comes across because she needs everyone to know how great you are and how lucky she is to be dating you. Please be supportive of her in return, she would actually ascend to heaven if she saw you in the audience of one of her contests.

Zisu… big woman. I don’t even have words to describe this absolute unit of a woman. She is far too powerful to fully put into words. Her strength is seemingly unending. She canonically trains with pokemon with her bare hands and could absolutely fuck all of them up.

She can bench press your ass, no matter your size or stature. She’ll carry you anywhere you want whenever you want, she’ll get anything you need off of the top shelf, she will lift up anything you need for whatever reason, and she will give you a little kiss on the forehead because she loves you very much.

If you’re afraid of Pokemon (which is pretty likely given the time period), she will do whatever it takes to help you get over your fears. Zisu is all the protection you need in Hisui. No Pokemon will ever get past her. But she would also like to help you get more comfortable with them, if nothing more than for her peace of mind. She can’t be there all the time, given her position in Team Galaxy.

But if you have a strong team, she would love to train with you. If you managed to beat her, she would love you forever. She’s hella strong, so she finds you being stronger than her in one aspect incredibly attractive. And if you managed to beat her in hand to hand combat? She would never recover.

I think Larry is objectively the funniest gym leader, but I whole-heartedly believe Iono is right behind him. I just think she is a funny little guy with an absolutely banger design.

As the most popular streamer in Paldea (I think), people across the region are going to know that you're dating. There is nothing you can do to avoid it. And Iono doesn’t want to hide your relationship. She wants to show you off.

Showing up on stream at least a few times is a mandatory part of dating her. Both Iono and chat love when you’re there. Sometimes Iono will warn you about what she’s planning beforehand, but other times she’ll leave you in the dark. Don’t worry, though, she won’t ever do anything that will make you uncomfortable.

More importantly, when dating Iono, you get to see the normal her, without the energetic streamer persona. Not to say that she’s completely different on stream, she just amps everything up for the camera. Off camera, she just wants to lay down with you and chill out. Let her complain about the weird people in her chat while you hold her close, she desperately needs it.

Outside of that, this girl loves to gossip. Tell her all about the drama you're dealing with or about the people you just don’t like, she eats that shit up. Likewise, she’ll also “spill the tea” as the kids say. She’s got a lot of people and things to tell you about, both big and small. Just promise to not blab to others about those she complains about. She already has to deal with too much weird shit to have time to deal with additional drama from other people.

Flannery is, like, an og waifu, or something like that. Anyways I like her because her design is sick and so is her gym aesthetic (at least in oras). Girlypop is confident in her abilities but she also only has a vague idea of what she’s doing and is just trying her best.

Being a rookie gym leader is hard, even if she is highly skilled. More importantly, it’s stressful. Thankfully, Lavaridge has a hot spring, giving her a perfect way to relax at the end of the day, and she is borderline desperate for you to join her. Listen, she just radiates disaster lesbian. Being in your presence helps her unwind as is, so pairing you up with the hotspring makes her melt. 

She is very dedicated to her training and would love it if you were to join her sometime. Be warned, it gets uncomfortably hot and you will most likely regret it almost immediately, so be prepared. She doesn’t ask you to join her because she doesn’t want you to accidentally strain yourself due to how rigorous it gets, but she’d let you if you asked (after warning you of how difficult it would be, of course).

She seems like someone that would enjoy hiking. Conveniently, there is a volcano right nearby to track up. Flannery desperately wants you to come with her because it would give her a chance to share something she loves with someone she loves. Don’t worry about getting tired, she will carry you up the remainder of the track, no sweat. When you make it to the top (or just find a clearing to rest at), you get to gaze at the beautiful scenery with her. 

Okay I now realize that I didn’t do much outside of the first point to show how much of a disaster she is but she just like… is. I cannot explain it, that is just the vibe she has. So even if she seems confident and held together in your presence, she is screaming in her head because you’re so pretty and she loves you AAAAA.

Oh shit I forgot about Tymeand Ryme for the gilf section of the last headcanon post fuck. Uhhhhh, I like them in the same way as the other gilfs in that they’re cool but ultimately they are funny little grandmas, so here comes your grandma posting.

Like the others, Tyme would totally bake you cookies and while eating them would help you do math. I don’t care if you’re not taking some kind of math class or if you're a student at all, she is going to help you do math. Someone has to teach you how to do your taxes, right? If that is not enough to entice you, then perhaps you would like to see her very cool rock collection, because she would totally have one, and a big one at that. Unrelated, but if you give her any kind of rock she could identify it immediately and would also cherish it dearly.

Ryme is the cool grandma. She doesn’t have time to bake cookies (she isn’t very good at it), but she makes up for it in other ways. You want to see a band or artist live? Just tell her, she’ll find a way to get you to that concert. She’d also let you get away with a lot of things, letting you off easy where others would be upset. Like, if you got into a fight with someone, she would lightly scold you then immediately ask if you won. She’d be really proud if you did and would comfort you if you didn’t. Also teaches you how to rap, but that much should be obvious.

Hopefully this is the last of the grandma posting because if I do this again it means I forgot someone else and I don’t think I did. I guess if there’s one major appeal to the gilfs it’s the domesticity of them? Like, you get the ideal of living your life alongside one another for such a long time, which is the dream, really. Girl I don’t know I’m gonna get back to regular unhinged scenarios sorry about this.

One professor was not enough for one post apparently because I wanna talk about Professor Juniper, the original hot professor. Ever the reliable woman, she will do all she can to lend a hand should you need it, but in return you need to put up with her deciding to do things before confirming with the other people involved beforehand.

Unlike most professors, Juniper has another professor to rely on, that being the other Juniper, so she does have a bit more free time on her hands. That being said, she is often doing things for other people, so she is pretty much as busy as the others. But because she’s just helping out other people and not completing research, she is definitely more accessible. Not going to say that she would hold off on helping someone to come help you if you were to need it, but she would do that (assuming that what she was doing before wasn’t urgent).

She loves to travel around the region, and would love it if you joined her. It’s not really a date, but it’s good quality time. Most of it is taken up by her rambling about the Pokemon that can be found in the area. She would also love it if you lent her a hand in her research. It’s a fun and cute little bonding activity, and it means you can spend more time together afterwards.

Like Sonia, the idea of rocking up to a lab only to be met by the professor and her loving wife is a very powerful one, but Sonia remains more powerful. After all, Juniper doesn’t usually give kids their starters in person, nor does she have an assistant whom she and her wife can semi-adopt.

As a side note, I considered using her first name because she has one, but I don’t know if that is common knowledge. It pops up at the very beginning of B2W2, but I didn’t realize it was there until, like, two days ago. 

Oh my God I forgot about Professor Magnolia because she isn’t even on my list of characters. I am so upset. And no I’m not going to fix this my moving her up to be with Tyme and Ryme because I need it to be known that I fucked this up here’s your grandma posting again and if I mess this up for a fourth time I’m going to be so upset with myself.

Magnolia is just a chill grandma. She always has cookies in her kitchen to give to Sonia. I’m pretty sure they live together so it’s not like she’s visiting her, but she feels that her granddaughter should always have access to finely made cookies. If you were to come over, she would break them out along with tea and have a surprisingly intellectual conversation. She may have given the professor title to Sonia, but she continues to delve into research, if nothing to fulfill her own self-interest.

These visits are especially interesting if you were, say, dating Sonia. She would give you all kinds of stories from when she was growing up. They aren’t particularly embarrassing, per say, but they usually embarrass Sonia anyways. She’s happy that her granddaughter has found both a path in life and someone to spend it with. In general, she would be interested in you as a person. She wants to have a good relationship with her future granddaughter-in-law, after all!

I swear to God if I forget another grandma (besides Cogita because I already write about her plenty) I’m going to lose it.

Let’s end this one with Misty. She’s normally sweet and bright, but she has a tendency to get snappy when annoyed, which tends to leave a greater impression on people than her regular nature since she easily gets frustrated.

Like all gym leaders, she has lots of responsibilities and is busy and also has an affinity for the type she uses. This is especially true for her since most of her designs are just swimsuits (good for you girlie). She will take you on walks all over Cerulean, as well as swimming in the water surrounding it. It’s her happy place, and she gets really annoyed when people interrupt the tranquil moment.

Sorry to say that it usually falls to you to keep her temper down in those situations. Remind her that it’s probably just a challenger looking to continue their journey and that you’ll get to continue your little date when she’s done. She’s still going to be annoyed, but it’s hard for her to remain bitter when she knows she gets to spend more time with you soon.

At some point, she wants to leave Cerulean and its gym for a while in order to go on a journey of her own. When she does, she wants you to come with her. Nothing sounds better to her than getting lost (metaphorically, she can’t stand actually getting lost) in nature with you by her side. Hopefully you don’t have something that could fry her bike because that would be pretty unfortunate.

I would say her sisters are supportive but they aren’t really there enough to know much about you. Sorry Misty. It’s a shame that they’ve been on the same cruise for twenty years. Someone should really check in with them.

[waitmyturtles]

A few more thoughts on Moonlight Chicken episode 6 that I didn’t fit into yesterday’s meta -- there is so much to process, and my kids were losing their damn minds when I was writing last night (when you say the words “pizza for dinner” around little kids, it’s like this emotional earthquake, good LORD lol).

ANYWAY (ha), I’m numbering from yesterday’s post:

7) I’m only following the rules and responding to the tags of my big-brained homeslice @respectthepetty to say the following:

Pattaya being a home for some and an escape for others. So, I want to get personal for a sec. Whenever I go back to SE Asia to see fam and travel around -- there is always such a strong desire from my fam for me to stay longer. They’re like, “a month isn’t even long enough to really get to know here, you have to stay for six months.” 

And I’m like, oh my god, I wish, but also -- back even before I had kids, it just felt inherently like an impossibility. Like -- how can I explain it -- when I was younger, it felt unreal to think that I could live my whole life in a place other than the States. I wasn’t conditioned in my mind during those times I visited as a child and as a single woman to consider living there. SE Asia to me, as a child and as an adult, felt like an other place, certainly another home where I had family, but not my home, where I lived my life as how I thought about and defined it, as the one place of my life where I could understand and track my growth as a human. (I know that MANY PEOPLE are not like this and can move at a moment’s notice -- but I think my immediate family had conditioned me back then to always stay close to them.)

It makes me think: when does a place stop feeling like an escape and maybe start feeling like a home? Again, as I said yesterday, I was really moved by Wen’s saying to Jim, “Do you take this place to be your home?”

7a) And I didn’t spend enough time yesterday sitting with the conversation between Jim and Wen about love and the sense of home you get from love, which I want to sit with for a second before I tie this back to Pattaya and escape/home. 

We know now that Jim had/has MAJOR TRUST ISSUES, besides the guilt of letting Beam get on that ferry. And he totally smells the dramaahhh that kinda follows Wen around (like, it’s not all Wen’s fault, but like, guy’s got a drama scent trail). So Jim sees the drama and is like -- I’m just not sure about being able to cross the line with this guy.

But Wen’s showing up for Jim. He’s there-there. He’s making a delicious breakfast. He’s falling asleep on Jim’s lap. He’s feeding Jimbo. He goes to temple with Jim (which we know is something that Wen would otherwise pooh-pooh). He enables Jim to reach closure re: Beam. He goes with Jim to meet Khwan. He sits with Jim to process the Khwan meeting. And, finally, Jim is moved to hold Wen, to hold his hand, and to be with him on New Year’s. 

Wen’s showing up because....Wen is becoming Jim’s home.

7b) Now: does Jim = Pattaya? Wen moved to Pattaya to be away from Bangkok. Wen’s parents even called him a survivor for it. 

I take that to mean (oh, my aching heart): you were brave enough to leave your home and find a new home.

Wen even tells Jim/us, I came to Pattaya for the job opportunity. But what does it take to make a place a home? I think it takes -- not just the love that Wen talks about with Jim in the beginning of the episode. I think it takes some damn work to show up to the place that you love. This might be a stretch, but what I think is happening in this episode is two-fold: while Jim is beginning to make Wen his new home and his new love, I think Wen is also setting himself up to allow Pattaya to be HIS home. 

Wen’s been breaking under the guilt of the Marina project. But it’s Wen who’s also throwing himself into Pattaya -- showing up drunk to the khao man gai joint, going to temple with Jim, running outside, being a cute uncle for Li Ming. He himself is also ingratiating himself into Pattaya’s culture and allowing himself to get wrapped up in it. He is also doing the work of making Pattaya his home. All of this, as opposed to Beam, who escaped Pattaya to live his double life.

I think what’s happening here is an essential connection that I don’t want to separate or unwind. I think, to Wen, Pattaya means Jim and Jim means Pattaya. I think that’s really similar, likely, to the way Beam thought about Jim -- except that Beam didn’t attach PERMANENCE to HIS definition of home. And maybe Jim’s sniffing around and making sure the same paradigm doesn’t happen twice. 

But -- Wen’s not escaping on the weekends. Man’s showing up every chance he gets to show Jim his (Wen’s) love. And I think what happened on the beach with Jim and Wen in the end is that Jim saw what he needed to see from Wen and was convinced that Wen was a risk worth chancing his love on.

I’m so glad I got a chance to talk more about Jim and Wen, because I think they were the absolute center of this episode.

8) One more response to @respectthepetty‘s tags -- oh YES, my HEAVENS, that kid HAS TO BE BEAM’S, RIGHT? Khwan, gurl. Side-eyes. We need to know more!

9) Thanks to @colourme-feral for the expanded explanation of “typical Chinese families”! We vibin’. I ESPECIALLY appreciate the point about pairings being arranged between individuals of similar means/socioeconomic backgrounds. Besides Beam’s relationship with Jim being a queer one, there’s also the fact that Jim would have been prejudiced against (likely by Beam’s family) as a stall owner -- possibly something that Beam couldn’t have taken in his other life. (Beam, smdh.)

10) Thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist and @respectthepetty for the expanded conversation and analysis on Heart’s vocalization (fam, READ THIS BLOG THREAD, it’s incredible meta!). I 100% own that my interpretation of Heart’s vocalization came from the viewpoint of having watched Silent and internalizing Sou’s incredible discomfort with vocalization for the sake of others. I think @wen-kexing-apologist has EXCELLENT points about Li Ming just being so excited to hype his mans up. 

I was also seeing other commentary on the tag about viewers wanting Heart to speak more. I can’t find this post I’m looking for, but someone wrote that (I’m paraphrasing), “Heart doesn’t owe the hearing audience his voice. He doesn’t have to vocalize for our sake.” Besides having only watched Silent, and knowing that Aof researched these issues with the deaf community and caretakers, I trust that this show is handling this issue with delicacy -- and I appreciate @wen-kexing-apologist noting that Li Ming and Heart went right back to their signing after Li Ming’s excitement. Again, I’m looking forward to seeing how it all plays out -- I wonder if Aof will have time to revisit this. (I’m going to take a WILD STAB and bet that it does come back, in some way, regarding Heart’s family and being able to communicate with them. If that shitty mom asks Heart to speak for her, oooooooo, I will be gritting my TEEF.)

11) Another point about Heart -- no pun intended, a heartbreaking one.

Like I said in my first post about episode 6, I was ready for Heart’s mom to separate Li Ming from Heart. I was ready to write a post about how Asians “save face,” and that my immediate prediction would be that Heart’s mom would separate the boys because “she knew best for her son” or some bullshit like that.

I really, inherently, expected that to happen, instead of her consenting to Li Ming to be Heart’s friend. Why?

I don’t want to overgeneralize here, but the following phenomenon is something that I’ve seen more than I like in Indian families (as I myself am Indian). I’ve seen kids become shut-ins. It’s not quite like the hikikomoris of Japan, where it seems like an extreme version of agoraphobia is prevalent.

How do I explain it. It’s a phenomenon that’s like, if your parents don’t believe in you, or are ashamed of you, or detect that something is “off” with you -- it’s OKAY to leave you in your room. It’s okay for you to hide upstairs. I wonder if parents are thinking, we’d rather you be in your room, where we know where you are, then present you to the world, and have to EXPLAIN what YOUR DEAL is. AND, as parents, we’d likely have to face JUDGEMENT for who you are (or in the case of Heart, who you’ve become). 

This phenomenon is present in the families of some of my friends. And when I talk about it with OTHER Indians, all of us Indians nod our heads and are like -- oh yeah, we’ve seen this before.

In other words.... if Li Ming hadn’t shown up -- Heart would have still been in his room. 

For how long? Forever?

And that would have been perfectly fine by Heart’s parents.

12) One last point, and then (I think), I’m done for the meta with this episode. And actually, this point is not even about this episode, but I think it’s just set up to be a kind of definitive characteristic for both Jim and Wen.

When Jim and Wen were feeding Jimbo in this episode, I remembered that Wen knew Jimbo’s name before Wen learned Jim’s name. And, a couple of days ago, I reblogged @soukana’s excellent point that Wen had been with Alan for five years, and Wen’s dad didn’t know Alan’s name. 

Couple that with what we know about Li Ming’s name, and we know there’s meta in the names (I SWEAR there was a post listing the meanings of everyone’s name, and I can’t believe I didn’t add it to my Big Themes list. I don’t think I’m going crazy, but I can’t find it, tears emoji!) (UPDATE: Thanks to @slayerkitty and @sliceduplife, the names translation list can be found here!) 

But what I love about this juxtaposition is: it’s definitive of how both Jim AND Wen see intimacy. They both behaved similarly by keeping back key details about their intimate selves, either to each other or to their close relatives, maybe so as to protect themselves.

And in episode 6, we see those walls coming down. Maybe not necessarily happily (like in the hospital) -- but on the beach, one moment of peace for these two that, I think, belong together.

[rabbithearteddd]

tagged by @hauntedwoman to talk about 5 things i’m obsessed with <33333 thank you!!!

1. succession surprise, surprise. i’ve finally gotten around to starting a full succession rewatch and i’ve been taking notes. first and foremost, one of my missions for this rewatch was to really focus in on shiv as a character because the first time i watched it and then rewatched it, i was a huge tom and kendall girl and honestly really did not like shiv :( but i recognize now that my dislike for her was mostly a result of my own internalized misogyny and also because she is a woman written by men and they really do their best to make her one of the less sympathetic characters in the show. i also think that a big chunk of fans online (esp twitter) are quick to label her an evil woman and, when defending their pov, they tend to bring up her behavior towards tom and kendall while also ignoring how both tom and kendall have treated her. i’m really enjoying this rewatch and have really grown to love shivvy. her relationship with tom also reminds me a lot of macbeth and lady macbeth and i think that their relationships have a lot of parallels and i find it very very interesting!!! i’m hoping to compile enough evidence to write something comprehensible about it. also, ROMAN. i literally did not give a shit about roman until the last few episodes of season four which is crazy but something has come over me. i think it’s his issues with intimacy and refusal to let anyone like actually see him and love him that has really bonded me to him <3 additionally there is something about kieran culkin (and rory…) that has bewitched me this summer. i think it’s kieran’s little fangs. i’m obsessed

2. the enormity of my desire disgusting me <3 welcome to truelovewaitsmp3 on tumblr dot com. this summer, i don’t think i’ve opened my journal without writing about how bad i want someone to love me, to look at the mess of my insides and all of this gross desire and love me anyways. to quote something i said to katy alpacinolover in an email, “I DON’T WANT SOMETHING CASUAL. I WANT TO BE THE PREY IMPALED ON YOUR SHRIKE’S THORN.” there’s something to be said about shame here and probably a million other things but i’ve written it so many times already that i don’t care to repeat it here.

3. ??? (stone fruits) two weeks ago, i bought a carton of nine plums from a local produce market. i had been rotting on the couch all day and decided that if i didn’t get up and put on real clothes and go buy a plum i was going to die. the most erotic experience i’ve ever had was eating a plum over newly washed cream sheets, plum viscera under my nails and between my teeth, wine colored juice dripping down my chin and onto my sheets. when the plums were gone, i found two forgotten nectarines in the fridge. i have been assigned “the love song of j alfred prufrock” for three different classes over the last four years (high school english, western humanities and then british lit in college) and each time, the line “do i dare eat a peach” was said to refer to prufrock’s acid reflux. in my american lit class, my professor brought it up one day and told us that it referred to oral sex. anyways. a nectarine is not a peach but i find the experience just as enjoyable.

4. wasteland, baby (2019) for whatever reason, i’ve always gravitated more towards hozier’s first album. however, over the past two months, i have listened through wasteland, baby an insane amount of times. something about the world ending and having someone there to hold through it. this album is also so incredibly sexy and is home to the horniest and sweetest hozier songs (TALK, be, dinner & diatribes, movement, etc). at the end of the title track, hozier whispers “that’s it” and i lose my mind. nfwmb is an honorary wasteland baby track, to me, and also a song that makes me insane and that i have had on repeat lately. i’m scared and excited to see what unreal unearth is going to do to me.

5. a past that i cannot go back to !!!! my hometown is filled with too many ghosts. summer digs them back up. i drive past her mom’s house and have to see her stupid car. someone else comes into work and i have to be reminded of everything i’ve missed out on. i have written about the same thing so many times i’m afraid that my story is metamorphosing.

hiiii ok i’m tagging @alpacinolover (i know you’ve already been tagged by someone else but i really need you to do this) @motherofvinegar @kenromshiv and anyone else who wants to do it! im tagging u.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

To Love Who Wears The Crown Pt. 2

Pairing: Modern Royals: King!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: none

Genre: Fluff

Summary: You meet the king of Andia by chance when he hosts a ball and he's immediately taken with you, enough to invite you to spend your summer at the palace with him while he formally courts you. Although he's everything you could dream of from the moment you arrive, nothing is ever straightforward in the world of powerful people. Who would have thought that when you tripped over his feet at a dance you'd eventually have to find out what it means to love a king.

***

"Hey, are you out of those pretzel things I had last week?" Monica asks going through your pantry.

"You know, you're here so often Monica maybe you should just buy your own snacks for my pantry at this point." You joke as you sweep your kitchen.

"Okay but I like your snacks." She says. Before you can respond to her a loud knock surprises you so much that you almost drop your broom. "Are you expecting someone?" She frowns.

"No, but I wasn't expecting you either." You joke as you make your way to your front door and open it to see men in uniforms on the other side.

"Oh- hello gentlemen. Can I help you with something?" Your eyebrows knit together as you look at them. A woman walks between them dressed sharply in all black.

"Sorry to bother you miss, I'm Miss Romanova, we're here looking for a Y/n Y/l/n." The woman says. Monica joins you by the door with a curious look on her face.

"Can I ask what for?" You frown.

"The King has invited her to stay at the palace."

"Why?" You blink incredulously.

"It appears you made quite the impression on the king at the ball." She muses.

"Wait what?! How did you make an impression on the king?!" Monica looks at you.

"They met at the ball." The woman says.

"You met the king?! How did I miss that?" Monica gasps.

"I tripped over the king's foot and then he asked me to dance." You elaborate quietly.

"You danced with the king and didn't think to tell me?!"

"You were excited to talk about what you did at the party and I was too tired to give you a play-by-play that I know you'd ask for."

"And what about between then and now?! That was like a week ago!" Monica places her hands on her hips and you sigh.

"I forgot about it." You shrug.

"I cannot believe you!"

"Monica- time and place." You shake your head.

"No time like the present, I mean truthfully you should've told me before now but-"

"Girl- I mean arguing with me about this. Something tells me that with palace guards at my front door it is not the time, not the place." You grit out.

"Oh- yeah."

"Anyway! Miss. Romanova, the king is inviting me to the palace?"

"He'd like to court you, yes."

"How long would I be there?"

"Well- it's hard to say." She says.

"Hard to say?" You frown.

"I mean, you're free to leave whenever you'd like should either of you decide not to move forward with a relationship but I'm sure he ideally plans to marry you in which case you'd most likely move into the palace permanently."

"Marry me?!"

"One day. That obviously wouldn't happen in the immediate future but ultimately it'd be the end goal I think." She nods.

"I assume I'd be expected to leave like- right away?"

"You would, yes."

"Alright. Give me some time to pack." You say.

"Of course." She nods again.

"Would you like to come in?" You ask.

"We'll wait out here." One of the guards says.

"Alright. Monica, come with me please." You say. Monica follows you into your room.

"Oh my gosh, you're going to stay in the palace!" She squeals as you grab one of your suitcases and a trunk you keep under your bed.

"This is unreal." You shake your head.

"So what was the king like? Since you've apparently been holding out on me I deserve some information before you go."

"He was- more charming than I expected. He's very strong too, and a good dancer."

"You're literally about to start living a fairytale."

"Monica let's not get our hopes up. We'll do the courting thing and if it goes well, it goes well." You tell her. "What do I even pack?"

"Pack like you would for a vacation! You don't live that far you can always pick up more clothes. Or go shopping." Monica says. You pull a few weeks' worth of clothes out of your closet and pack them away along with other personal items you'd like to have with you. "You'll call me won't you?" Monica asks.

"Of course, and I'm sure you can visit me. Once I figure out how all this works I'll let you know." You tell her, closing your suitcase. You walk back out to the front where Miss Romanova waits with the guards.

"All set?" She asks you.

"Yes, I just need some help grabbing a trunk of mine from the bedroom." You say. She nods at the guards who follow you to your room and grab the trunk. You pull your suitcase in tow and allow them to load your things into the car they came in.

"Have fun! I can't wait to hear all about it." Monica winks at you.

"I'll be in touch. Look after my garden please." You tell her giving her a hug.

"Of course." She says with a smile. You lock your front door and follow Miss Romanova to the car. Your ride to the palace is silent as you watch somewhat anxiously as the vehicle drives further into the city. When you arrive at the palace, your things are unloaded by servants before you're even out of the car.

"They're taking your things to where you'll be staying." Miss Romanova says to you as you walk with her.

"Oh- should I follow them then?" You frown, your pace is much slower than the servants and you'll lose them if you continue walking at the speed she is.

"No worries, you'll be shown your room. They're supposed to take your things there before you get there." She shrugs.

"Oh okay." You muse and she chuckles.

"Y/n!" You hear once you're inside the palace. Your head snaps towards the voice to see the king striding towards you.

"Hello your majesty." Miss Romanova says with a nod.

"Hello Nat, thank you so much." He says to her before turning to you. "Y/n, it's a pleasure to see you again." He grabs your hand and leans down to kiss the back of it.

"It's- a surprise to see you again, your majesty." You say with a small smile.

"I'll walk you to your room, and you can tell me why." He gestures for you to walk with him.

"Well, I tripped over you and then we danced for a few minutes. To be invited to the palace a week later, I wouldn't have expected it." You chuckle.

"Was it too forward? To invite you here? I'm not very familiar with the norms of courting if I'm honest. Being king- you don't get much normalcy. I just thought it would be easier for us if you were closer."

"The norms of courting." You muse.

"Yes, Nat did tell you that's why you're here didn't she?"

"Nat- that's Miss Romanova?"

"Yeah, her name's Natasha."

"She told me why I'm here- it's just, this is a bit surreal I'll be honest. To be courted by the king." You muse. James laughs at that.

"Yes well, even kings hope to find love." He shrugs.

"Of course." You nod.

"This is you. I'll let you settle in, will you join me for dinner tonight? You don't have to of course, but I'd really like you to if you're up to it." He asks.

"Sure. I'll join you." You say.

"Perfect, I'll have someone fetch you when dinner is ready." James nods and turns back down the hall you came down. You push open the large doors to your room and sigh when you walk into it.

"Hello!" A cheery voice makes you gasp.

"Hi- this is my room, right?" You frown in confusion at the girl who is smiling at you.

"Yes!"

"Alright, in that case, not to be rude but, what are you doing in here?"

"My name is Izzy and I'm your personal staff." She offers.

"Personal- staff?"

"The king doesn't like to use the word servants, he thinks it's degrading and archaic and outdated since historically servants weren't always there voluntarily. We all applied to work here and we're paid well, it's a job like most others so- he changed the job title to personal staff." Izzy explains.

"Oh- okay."

"I'm here to help you with any and everything while you're staying here. Think of me as like a personal assistant."

"I didn't realize I'd- need one of those." You frown.

"You're a personal guest of the king. Of course, you would."

"Alright, well I was just going to unpack- what does one wear to have dinner with the king? Is a t-shirt and jeans too casual?" You ask glancing down at your clothes.

"It's not a formal event. You should be fine wearing that. Tomorrow, I'd like to take your measurements though."

"What for?"

"So that we can make you gowns and things in case you need an outfit for anything the king invites you to."

"You're going to make me clothes?"

"Well I'll mostly be doing the designing and other staff will help me with the sewing part."

"That's- so fascinating and not at all necessary you know."

"I'm sure you don't feel like it's necessary but I assure you, it'll only be to your benefit."

"Alright, you work here, I'll take your word for it." You chuckle.

"Great, any questions?" She asks.

"Not that I can think of at the moment, if you'd like to go, for now, you can. I'm just going to unpack until someone collects me for dinner." You shrug.

"Would you like help?"

"No thanks, I got it." You smile.

"Then- I'll check in a little later." She says, slipping out of your room. You play some music from your phone and open your suitcase to unpack. You hum to yourself as you put away your clothes and find places for the few trinkets and photos you brought, mostly on the vanity. Eventually, a knock on your door makes you stop the music before going to open it.

"Hello Lady y/n. I've come to escort you to dinner." A man, who you assume is a guard says once you open the door.

"Oh- hi. Well lead the way then." You smile. He nods and you follow him down several hallways until you end up at a large dining room.

"Y/n, thank you for joining me." James stands and pulls out a chair for you on one side of his.

"Of course your highness." You sit down and allow him to push your seat in before he sits at the head of the table.

"Are you settling in alright?" He asks as food is brought out.

"I am. I did some unpacking. Oh I met Izzy, she seems nice."

"Oh good, I wasn't sure who you'd get on well with since I still have much to learn about you." He scratches the back of his neck.

"I can't imagine anyone who works here would be hard to get along with." You say, carefully putting a forkful of food into your mouth.

"You would think- but I've had guests that don't get along with my employees." James muses.

"I'm sure that's not easy." You mutter.

"Not particularly. How's your food?"

"It's good, thank you for asking." You smile.

"Do you have any allergies or anything I should tell the kitchen about for the future?"

"No." You shake your head.

"Alright. I'd like to go riding with you tomorrow if you're interested and up for it." He tells you.

"Okay." You nod.

"Is that a yes?"

"Oh, do I have a choice in the matter?"

"What? Of course you do. You always have a choice. They did tell you my invitation was declinable right? I made it clear to them that you were only to come here of your own volition. I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything." A deep frown of concern scrunches his brows.

"They made it clear that I was allowed to decline your invite, your majesty. It's just that- I'm not sure what is and isn't considered out of line as far as accepting or declining your invitations while I'm here. You are the king after all." You explain.

"Only in official settings."

"What?"

"I'm not sure entirely how possible it is for you to separate King James the reigning monarch from James Barnes the man hoping to sweep you off your feet but- well I don't want you to see any of my invites as mandatory. I understand there's an inherent power imbalance between us but I want you to know that you are always permitted to say no to anything I suggest, I won't hold it against you or try to force you into anything. Try your best to treat me as you would any other suitor."

"Really?"

"Of course, where's the fun of falling in love if you only spend time with me out of obligation? When you agree to do things with me I want it to be because you want to be around me as much as I want to be around you."

"Do they teach you how to be this charming before you become king or is this just a trait of James Barnes?" You chuckle.

"A little of both." He winks at you and you turn your attention to your plate to hide your reaction.

"Well- you're very good at it." You say quietly. Your dinner with him continues that way. He's charming and curious and you try to reciprocate the energy. When you're finished eating he walks you back to your room, inviting you to breakfast in the morning. Overall you'd call it a lovely introductory day to what will probably be an interesting summer.

***

Part 2/???

[backrooms-birthday-party]

De Selby 1 & 2 - very hoz, sincere and then bouncy, the Irish is so beautiful coming from him, makes me feel 11 again finding celtic woman, and de Selby 2 has got to be my favorite upbeat sounding one of his

First Time - sad but catchy. I love hearing baby, which is a big part of the sad, the anyway will always kill me

Francesca - 10/10, wonderful, kinda Peter Gabriel, lovely, the ending will always be the hardest for me to sing

I, Carrion - stripped down goodness, to get to hear him do this live *swoon* I'd die, so fucking good sad too, good idea for it to be on lust as well

Eat Your Young - super good, will always bounce to this one

Damage Gets Done - brandi is doing everything here, really compliments hoz's voice wonderfully, super poppy and I love it, that weird glitch will always stratch my brain tho

Who We Are - good one for the album tone, really feels Unreal Unearth to me, just a real gut punch, hold me like a knife!!

Son of Nyx - amazing, just perfect, probably my fav of the album, has tones of pink floyd and linkin park to me, just ethereal ✨️

All Things End - I loved this from the EP (through me was my fav), but everything about this one is amazing

To Someone From A Warm Climate - feels sorta Fiona Apple-y, another hard gut punch, so lonely sounding which is the point, I know, so yeah

Butchered Tongue - lyrics are amazing and so perfect, feels like old grief, like a really heavy grief that's more personal than foreigner's god, almost feels like an old folk song

Anything But - it really is a weird tone shift putting this between tongue and abstract, but it fits so well, since it's still such a hard feeling to such a Paul Simon-y song, has some Call Me Al vibes, those high notes fill me with so many emotions.

Abstract - for the cPTSD girlies. My lordy. Tied for my fav with son of nyx. Hurts like hell, it's tied with First Light for the one that hits me personally the hardest, SEE HOW IT SHINESSSS

Unknown - I've already talked about how this song hits me, a lot of complicated feelings for it, again a good stripped down song that's bigger than it sounds

First Light - the one I love with all of my heart, those backing vocals give me life after crying so hard at the whole thing, and the lyrics are so personal for me and my divorce, perfection

This album will always be one of my favorites now. It has stamped itself pretty deep into my brain, and I'll be listening to this with my grandkids one day. Thank you, Andrew 🩷

[o-wyrmlight]

I shall enable

Okay so. I'm going to write this on my phone and try to add a read more that hopefully works.

Warning: Body horror, nonsexual nudity, and unreality.

So here we go.

Man's hand has too many fingers. Also, I don't think the wrist slims down like that from the arm.

Something about the arm just looks... off. I think it's how skinny the elbow looks in comparison to the rest of the image.

Man has a really deep armpit. I'm also not a hundred percent sure if that's how the pectoral muscle falls against the shoulder.

My favorite part of this whole piece. His hand is clenched, loosely, under his skin. Can you see that? What do you mean, those are his abs? Abs aren't hand-shaped!

Literally look at how low his legs are from where his hips are. Look at how the frontmost leg is his left leg even though his right side is facing us. Look at that twisted anatomy, that massive calf in the back, those knees. Because that's anatomically correct.

Speaking of anatomically correct, what are those people in the bottom-left corner doing? Throwing a party? Please stop. I will get the bouncer

Man's right eye is literally yellow. It's a different color from his left eye.

What is going on with that wing

Middle woman now. The top of her head above the crown is bald. The AI engine didn't register that her hair style should continue past the crown. You can see the attempt, but not enough.

Speaking of her hair, what's that weird bit doing in front of the man? The rest of her hair is flowing but this one is all clumped up.

The crown is resting on her hair instead of on her head. If it were made of metal, it'd fall around her collarbone. There's just nothing to keep it on there.

Why do her nipples look like that

What is that line between her boobs that goes past her ribcage and down to her hip? Is that anatomically accurate? I don't THINK so? What was the AI trying to do there? She also has two belly buttons because there's no way that's a belly button piercing THAT high over the belly button.

I forgot to mention her irises are different sizes.

And her nostrils.

Her right hand is two hands merging into one. That is so sexy.

What's not sexy is how her waist and her hip are just. Too long? Too wide? It just seems off. Compared to the other side, it seems to come out too far.

I'm trying to remember why I circled her legs, though. Maybe they just seemed too long to me at the time. Her right leg does look a bit odd near the bottom, though--it slants weirdly toward where her knee would begin.

Hand take 2: Electric Boogaloo.

What the fuck is that artifacting under that thing she's holding. How could you possibly excuse that.

Person in the back. What the fuck happened to their arm. What happened to their wrist. Why is their ring finger the background

Their eyebrow melts from a shadow on the bridge of their nose into their forehead.

Collarbone anatomy! Honorable mention: The red ear. I didn't circle it because I couldn't tell if it was in the right place or not, but why is it so orange?

I think I circled it to point out the broken anatomy but holy shit flash back to the woman in front. A piece of the top of her arm was cut off. Ouch. Also her hair has that typical 'painterly AI look' to it. Anyway. Back to the person in the back.

Specifically look at where the torso ends and the hip begins. Imagine if your hips started right below your ribcage.

Now imagine if your hips started right below your ribcage but then skipped forward a little bit and suddenly you have another set of hips. Seriously. This is how anatomy works apparently.

So yeah. That's this trainwreck. Let me know if you see anything I missed. This is hilarious and I am obsessed. Specifically by the hand stuck under the guy's skin like oh my god. That in itself is art.

[starlessskies94]

Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Notes: HEYYYYY Guess who's back??!! It me!! I just want to say a HUGE thank you to all you lovely readers; the support for this story has been unreal and I'm eternally grateful for it; I literally couldn't even put it into words. I'm doing a lot better now and I'm in a much better head space and ready get back into the wonderful world of this story. I have slightly changed a sentence in chapter 11 (The flashback of winter) just to include Ada's medical knowledge because it was bugging me that I missed it the first time. It's just a little change and it doesn't really change the chapter in any. It was just something I needed to change from a writers POV if that makes sense. Anyway thank you for sticking with me for so long; you incredible people make my day with your support/comments etc… its readers like you that really keep me motivated to continue writing so thank you for that.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and it doesn't disappoint as it's taken me a while to get back into the swing of things so hopefully I'm not too rusty and it's not a let down. Love yous lots hope you enjoy the chapter ❤️

Chapter Fifteen

They’d been driving for what felt like hours and they were running out of road. Tommy had managed to follow Joel’s tracks from the gate, although at times it had been difficult with the rain washing most of them away. Eventually they followed their way out towards the ski lift outpost; only to be greeted with disappointment when they found the place empty. There were signs of life however; muddy boot and hoof prints dried to the floor from the storm that had now passed. The crumbs of half eaten carrots litter the ground and open cans of stew left scattered along one of the tables near the recently lit fire pit. Dina moved to inspect it; taking a hold of the spoon left in the pan, both stuck together by the burnt remains of the leftover stew sticking to the bottom of it.  

“Well; at least we know he was definitely here.” Dina joked awkwardly trying to lighten the mood a little. But Tommy didn’t see the funny side; his nostrils flaring in frustrated anger as he stomped forward kicking at the table, sending the empty cans sputtering across the floor. 

“Goddamn it!” He yelled. The sound echoing through the dead quiet. Ada and Dina both flinched at the outburst. The older woman moved towards him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder in a feeble attempt to calm him. 

“Taking it easy Tommy.” She tried but he threw his shoulder aggressively, shrugging her away as he whipped around on his heel to face her. “Easy?!” He barked. “We keep just missing him, how the fuck are we supposed to find to him when he had a two day head start?!” 

Ada signed deeply trying to ignore the sting of Tommy’s spurn. She knew he didn’t mean it. He was tired. They all were. And frustrated and worried about Joel. It was hard not to lose your temper at the situation; especially one that was more of less of their own making. She and Tommy blamed themselves for basically driving Joel away from Jackson in the first place. Even now Ada was rerunning their last conversation over and over again in her head. Her guilt twisting in both her stomach and tightening within her chest at all the things she could’ve said instead. But that kind of thought would get her nowhere now. She needed to focus on the here and now. And the only thing that mattered was bringing Joel home. 

She took another breath; her eyes searching the room for any more signs that Joel may have left behind. “We just have to be smart about this.” She wondered aloud as she continued looking. “When we move on, we have to be certain we’re headed in the right direction.”

“And how the hell are we supposed to do that?! Huh?” Tommy scoffed bitterly, throwing his hands up in defeat. “We don’t even know where Joel’s going!”

She turned back towards her brother in law; her mind scrambling desperately for an idea or a lead. Her eyes staring down intensely at the floor before glancing back up at Tommy. “Well maybe he’s going back to Boston? You talked about your time in the QZ right?” She offered hopefully. Tommy’s lip curled in disdain at her idea; pacing back and forth. 

“I told him but that don’t mean he listened.” He dismissed. “And I doubt he’d head back home to Texas… he knows there’s nothing there anymore. I’ve been, I’ve seen it. The house is wrecked and it’s been picked clean.” 

The room fell silent at Tommy’s condescending tone as Ada bit her lip to keep from saying anything that might just aggravate the situation. Her eyes glancing across towards Dina who was looking around the back of the room; obviously trying to keep out of the way. Ellie had stayed by the door at first but now was kneeled down behind the remains of the cafe bar; pulling through the drawers and cabinets. Throwing away any junk that didn’t aid in her search for Joel. Her heart ached as she watched her. The teen hadn’t uttered a word since leaving Jackson. It was clear even now that she blamed herself for everything, she was so tired of this. The Fireflies had caused them nothing but grief and anger ever since she’d met them. Even years later, after the fuckers had disbanded they were still tearing apart her family and she despised them for it. 

The thought made her pause for a moment. Wait…the Fireflies…Joel's letter; her stomach dropped at the realization.

“Then he’s going after the Fireflies!” Dina announced, speaking her thoughts before she could voice them herself. Ada offered the girl a broken smile in spite of herself, a wave of relief that at least someone was on the same page as her.  But once again…Tommy only scoffed bitterly at the suggestion. 

“And why the hell would he go after the people that tried to kill him?!” He spat, pulling a face at Dina as she backed down to sit on the one the couches. Her head hung in shame like a child that had just been scolded. Ada’s blood was beginning to boil now at his attitude. She stomped over towards her brother in law; standing toe to toe with the man. Her dark eyes staring him down as her patience was beginning to wear thin. 

“Think about it, everything goes back to them for him.” She explained trying to keep herself calm. “I told him what happened and what he did to save Ellie. But he still couldn’t get his head around exactly who the fireflies were and what they meant.” She took a breath clenching her fists by her side, almost daring Tommy to shoot her down again. But the man just scoffed in her face and damn if she wasn’t tempted to punch the condescending bastard in the nose all over again!

 “Great! That’s just fucking great! He’s going after the Fireflies which means he could be anywhere by now! We don’t know where the fireflies were even headed!” 

“Yes we do! You said you got word they were in Seattle.”

“Rumors, Ada, I heard rumors. Nothing concrete. And it don’t matter anyway, that was between me and a few of the boys on lookout. I never even told Joel about it!”

Okay, now Ada was getting pissed with him. She trembled with anger; her eyes wide and nostrils flared as she once again stood toe to toe with Tommy. Her fist somehow managed to unclench as she instead pointed her sharp finger into his chest; her voice quivering. “Well I don’t see you coming up with any ideas!” She yelled into his face.” You just keep shooting down everyone else’s!”

“Because I’m trying to make sure that we know where we’re headed. We can’t go running in any damn direction, just hoping we stumble into Joel by accident.” They were practically nose to nose now; almost growling at each other like challenging wolves about to snap at each other throats for the kill. Eyes blazing with anger and frustration that had no outlet except aimed at the person in front of them. 

“She didn’t say we should!” Dina said defensively as she tried to pull them apart. It was a futile attempt however, both were stubborn and both were angrily still glaring at the other. Until Ellie slammed one of the chairs against the floor to grab their attention. 

“For fucks sake enough! God this arguing is getting us nowhere! Everyone just shut the fuck up okay?!” She growled. The room grew quiet again. The tension dissipating as Ellie glared at the both of them, until eventually they backed away from the other. Both awkwardly cowering like wounded animals. Clearly embarrassed of their childish behavior. They glance at one another with an apologetic look in their eyes. They knew  she was right. They were the adults and they were acting like moody teenagers. While the actual teenagers seemed to be the only ones with their heads on straight. Ellie took a breath as everyone turned to look at her. She sighed once again as she gestured to the record book that was left open on the table in front of her. Ellie didn’t know why, she just knew it was Joel who’d left it there. Her eyes running across the writing from happier times. She glanced back at others with tears welling in her eyes. “I know where Joel’s going… he’s heading back to Salt Lake City.” She said with unshakeable certainty. 

“What? You mean back to the hospital? Why the hell would he be going there? The Fireflies quit that place years ago.” Tommy pointed out gently. But Ellie was in no mood to argue anymore; shaking her head defiantly. 

“Put yourself in his place…Joel’s trying to remember things. He wants to get his memory back; if you were him where else would you start?” She explained and in that moment everything clicked into place. 

“Holy shit you’re right. He’s trying to retrace his steps! Ellie you’re a fucking genius!” He beamed, a broken laugh of disbelief leaving him as his eyes lit up.  “Everyone back in the truck, we move now we might be able to catch him up.” 

No one wasted a second as they scrambled to their feet; all four rushing back towards the door and out into the truck. She didn’t know how she knew but she was positive that was where Joel was heading. After all, it was exactly where she had gone for answers herself and it was also the place where mournfully she had lost him all those years ago; perhaps now it would be the place where she finally got Joel back again.

[beebbg]

wassupp i was wondering if you still write nsfw alphabets? if you by any chance still do can you write one for Catalyst preferably with a gn!reader, im so down bad for this woman it’s unreal 🧎

Honestly I am too, but I still do write them!

Tressa “Catalyst” Smith x Gn! Reader

Warnings: Nsfw, maybe some grammar mistakes

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very cuddly-

Holds you close, legs tangled in each other, the mushy romance shit

Would almost if not always asks if you’re ok after

“Hey, you ok? I didn’t hurt you, right?” Tressa asks. She strokes the side of your face gently. The same as always. It wasn’t a bad thing. If anything, it’s an amazing thing. Having the woman you love so close and looking at you with basically heart eyes was the best thing you could ask for.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I think it’s safe to say Tress’a favorite body part on her self are her hands

She can bend and twist them in ways to make you feel good or use the goopy goo (which she controls with her hands)

Her favorite part on you is your chest

Hearing your heartbeat quicken with each small touch she leaves on you is kinda arousing to her

She also loves to kiss that area leaving hickeys in the process and if she has her famous black lipstick on she leaves lipstick marks all over your chest

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Loves seeing it all over your face, gets her going

The way you would lick your lips to catch some and use your thumb to scoop some extra

She’s pretty much gone

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

She’s pretty vocal of the ideas she wants to try but for some reason she would want to fuck you in the middle of a match (with probably a high chance of getting caught)

She hasn’t told you but she may bring it up some day

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Most of her life she lived on Boreas (???) and hung out with her group so

I wouldn’t say she isn’t completely inexperienced, she knows stuff and have been in a few relationships here and there

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

She’s up to anything so it doesn’t really matter but I can see her being into the 69 (har har) position

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not a big goof but can crack a joke when the moment’s right

Most of the time she takes it seriously but you guys still have a bit of fun

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She’s very well groomed, doesn’t have a lot of hair

Probably has patterns

(She dyed her pubes blue)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

VERY intimate, she makes you feel so loved it’s sickening

She goes slow and takes her time feeling you, every inch of your body is never left untouched

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

If you’re out for a long time and she thinks of you she’s gonna get off to whatever reminds her of you

Or anytime she thinks of you

But it’s not to the point where it’s everyday more like once in a while

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Gets off to being praised, it’s just her kink-

Like you complement her during the moment and she’ll be a mess

(No one can tell me otherwise)

“You’re so pretty.” You sigh, looking at Tressa in awe. This affected her because the next moment, her face went red.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom or the couch in her living room

You guys can be watching a movie on the couch and then have you ripping her clothes off like mad man

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Do something hot

When she comes home to you wearing a new lingerie, she’s basically drooling

Or dress up in blue bc that’s hot

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

She’s not hurting you in anyway

Even if you’re ok with it she doesn’t want the people she love to get hurt

In this case you

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She’s into giving a bit more, the satisfaction she would get by making you scream her name

Doesn’t mean she doesn’t also enjoy it-

But she def goes down on you and puts that mouth to use

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

More slow than fast

She takes her time with you, like said before she feels every inch of you

She also takes her time pleasing you

Smooth hands trail up the curves of your hips as you squirm under her touch. They’re cold, a big contrast to your warm skin. She takes all the time to feel every part of you. Hell, you two might’ve been here for hours by now.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She’s up to them

She kind of digs the possibility that you two might get caught, not completely though

If she eventually tells you that she wants to do it when you guys are in a match then she’ll have you on the nearest wall

Or maybe hide first…

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Not entirely but it can be arousing sometimes

Still she takes risks if you’re up to it

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Around 1 or 2 rounds but if she’s feeling up to it then 3 or maybe 4

Just hope you’re still together by round 3

I think she lasts around an hour or more bc she takes forever

(Hurry up)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Glass dildo-

I did mention in my last work that Catalyst keeps a glass dildo in her room

She did use it on you like once but it’s kind of for display (???)

She owns a lot of different toys to experiment from with them being mostly black or blue but she goes out of the color scheme and has some pink toys

Because pink is cool

“Just one more. You can do it.” Tressa purrs (meow). The pink toy vibrates violently on your clit. Tressa teases it down to your cunt, threatening to thrust it inside. Only the tip grazes between, stretching you a bit.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She’s very much a tease

(Not funny)

Even though she loved you she can be a total ass sometimes

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She’s not very loud

She lets out more breathy moans and noises

Would spew strings if curses under her breath too

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

While she was using her ferrofluid for intercourse she made like a huge mess

It kind of got everywhere, especially on you

Don’t worry she cleaned it up

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Yk that one clip of Sam and Max where little same goes “Boobies!” … yeah…

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Sex drive is pretty average, she isn’t super horny all the time

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Most of the time she falls asleep after you

If so she looks at you with loving eyes as your chest rises and lowers each breath

An; boobies!!!

[mrschwartz]

before i share how the concert itself was, i have to tell this story bc it's one of the craziest things that have happened to me

my flight to curitiba got delayed 2 hours because the flights before it were also delayed and it caused a domino effect. so i got to curitiba 2 hours later than i'd planned to, which meant that i went to bed 2 hours later, which meant that i woke up and went to wait in line 2 hours later than i planned. right? hold that thought.

after waiting in line, the inspection before entering the venue was an absolute shitshow. they didn't account for the fact that there'd be significantly more female fans than male, so there were too many spare male inspectors, and so to speed things up they let guys cut the line to go get inspected before the women. like????? some people who got there Hours after me ended up in front of me during the show. im still. Pissed

but then also like. the inspectors were so unprepared it's Unreal. the woman who inspected me is the dumbest person alive, she'd take like 5 min per person and make people throw out stuff that wasn't even prohibited like cigarettes and mints. when it got to me she saw my analog camera and started insisting that it couldn't go in and that i'd have to throw it out, despite me knowing For A Fact that i could, bc i have countless times and knew that the prohibited items list only mentioned professional cameras with detachable lenses (which is absolutely fair and which mine absolutely wasn't). at that point i was less worried about losing my camera then having gone all the way to curitiba to just not go to the concert (which would've a been a bigger waste of money) so i just rewound the film roll to keep at least that, and then i turned to throw the camera out. holding a plastic bag full of cameras there was a cleaning lady, and she said to me "don't worry about your camera. after the show come looking after the cleaning crew, because we're keeping all of them to return them afterwards to everybody. i know how hard we work to buy our things" which was. So fucking sweet and thoughtful that i have no words. i thanked her a bunch, but i already knew that there was no in way in hell that i'd fight my way through 25k people when i'd already be desperate to get an uber back to my hotel. so i threw my camera out and Booked it

i found a spot (not as close as i'd like, but anyway!!!!) and set up camp there, waiting for the show, and i started talking to the people around me, as one does in these unique situations lol. i mentioned what happened to my camera and a guy beside me said they did the same thing to him, and we sympathized with each other. also, i was in a whatsapp group with hundreds of people who were going to the show too, and i sent a message there as well talking about the situation, more to get some commiseration than anything else, but barely got a response bc apparently it wasn't to everybody that the inspection was so harsh, only to the premium pit people. which rvkkfjkgg fucking christ, i swear.

But Then. like maybe two hours later? someone replied to my message (after it was buried under like hundreds of messages afterwards), saying "hey you!! who lost your camera!! i just got in, and the cleaning crew is at the premium pit entrance and letting everyone know that those who got their cameras taken can go there to retrieve it, because the venue has admitted they made a mistake by confiscating them!!" and i was like Of Fucking Course they did, i knew all along nvjdnjfvnjfvg (i'm laughing but god i was so fucking pissed). i thanked her a bunch too, but then i looked behind me and there were already like. 6k people that i'd have to go through, and it'd be an even more impossible task to find my way back. nevertheless i let the guy beside me that had lost his camera as well know that he could go try to retrieve his, if he was willing. and he said "yeah i'll go. what's yours like i'll go get it" and i was like "no way really?? it's like this and this, and i'd be Eternally grateful and i have no words etc etc" and then he disappeared into the crowd for what seemed like forever. and then! he came back with my camera!!!!!!!!!!!!! isn't that crazy?????

think about this along with me. if my flight there hadn't gotten delayed, i'd have gone to the concert earlier. my camera would've been confiscated anyway, but since i would've been more near the front, i wouldn't have been next to the guy who went to retrieve my camera for me. Insanity. life's crazy

the show was amazing, i'll talk about it later i promise. but after it ended i'll admit i had a bit of a main chracter syndrome lol, because i thought that i'd just have to walk out, get an uber and head to the hotel. but then i actually had to walk out alongside 25k heading towards the same direction for what seemed like kilometers because the streets were closed down due to the show, and the venue was in a really isolated area away from commerce and stuff like that, and it was Pouring rain, and i was by myself. so i got Desperate. lol. like true panic. i began to search the crowd with my eyes for people that seemed trustworthy, but most of them were either drunk or high, or in groups of people too big and intimidating. then i saw 2 girls about my age, and i approached them. "hey where are you guys going? i'm a little lost and i'd just like to find some commercial place or something where i could wait for an uber" and they Immediately sympathized with me and one of them was like "we're not from here either but stick with us, i have a cousin who lives here and he's the one who's coming to pick us up, he told us to wait for him by a supermarket up the road" so i started to follow them along, super grateful but still very scared because i Knew that even then it'd be so hard to get an uber, and eventually they'd leave, and i'd be by myself again

anyway, in the hubbub i ended up getting separated from them and lost again. i eventually found the supermarket i imagine was the one they were talking about, but no sign of them. i tried to get an uber for myself, i'm gonna estimate on the lower side, maybe like 20 times?? in a span of maybe 40 minutes. all of them rejected. then i walked around the supermarket to see if there i could have better luck and who do i run into?? the 2 girls!!! i couldn't believe it. they told me they looked for me after we got separated but that they didn't know my name so they couldn't even scream for me, but then there we were!! they said they still were looking for her cousin, and i said, my sense of shame already giving way to my desperation, "would it be cool if you guys gave me a ride to your cousin's house? i don't even have to go in, i'd stand on the sidewalk, i just think it'd be easier to get an uber there" which i know is Insanity, to go to an isolated area with people i don't know in a city i don't know, but hey i was already in a critical situation nvfkfmgkjbg don't question me, they really did seem trustworthy and willing to help!! and they said of course!! and then like, after i joined them this time we ended up finding him!!! in like 5 minutes. all of this is happening while it's still pouring rain btw, i feel like this is important info for the dramatic effect lol. when we got to the car, they told the cousin my idea, about letting me ride along, and he was So nice. he said "where's your hotel? i'll drive you there" and i was like "noo i don't want to be a burden, seriously i'll go to where you guys are going" already rooting for him to offer again so that i could accept it vjkfmgjkbng and he did! he said "no i mean it, it's no burden at all, i'll take you there" so i told him the address and he actually drove me there. i offered to pay and everything but they wouldn't accept my money. they were just good people who wanted me safe

i got to the hotel safely (and thanked them a bunch!!! ofc) all thanks to those 3 angels and goodness gracious that was the end of my day. like oh my god

[nightraiderwrites]

The Saint and her Angel

Summary: Meeting a god and interviewing her. You don't know her (right?)

TW: unreality, major character death

ao3

You are standing outside a lighthouse. Or is it a ship? Or both? It doesn't really matter, because you knock on the door anyway. A woman, too tall to plausibly fit through, opens it. "Ah, ■■■■■■■! Just in time!" (What did she say?) You do not know this woman. Or you do. So you just try to smile and come in when she beckons.

She leads you down the hall into a living room. Your robes (why are you wearing robes? Isn't that so impractical?) swish as you walk. You both sit on a couch and she throws you a bucket of popcorn, which you barely catch. Tilly and Bingo (how do you know their names?) are curled by her feet. She grabs the remote and flicks the TV on a movie you haven't seen before.

"Well?" she asks. You startle. "Sorry?" you say, trying to keep the popcorn from spilling. "Didn't you have questions for me?" And you realize, you do have questions for her. "Oh!" you say, reaching into your pocket (when did that get here?) and pulling out a slip of paper. You cough.

You begin.

□□□

What's it like to be a god?

She twirls a hand as she lounges on the couch. "Oh, you know." You do not, in fact, know. "It's powerful. There are worlds and flame and death at your fingertips, and all it could take is a flick of a wrist" -she mimes it out- "and boom. They're gone." For a moment, her eyes flash red. They're hungry, and angry. Powerful, like a thousand storms. Then they go back to their regular totem green. You swallow. "And," she says throwing popcorn in her mouth. "It's a heavy weight. Not everyone is suited to immortality and power." You think you know who she means.

"Tiring," she adds, sipping her drink. And at first you think; you are a god! How could you tire? Then you remember who she is, her grand reputation. You remember her feats of power, the wars she's won, and the lovers she's lost. The years she's lived. It makes sense. (How did you know all that? She's a stranger. Right?)

Are you ever scared?

She snorts. "Course not. I'm too powerful for that." You see how she ignores the tremble in her voice, and the shaking hands. The tips of her hair turn sooty, and her dress flickers red. Tilly and Bingo perk up from where they're sleeping, picking up on her agitation. She eats more popcorn, eyes fixed on the television screen in front of her. There's a faint charcoal smell in the air.

"I was scared. Once," she mutters under her breath, quiet enough you have to strain to hear her. You understand. (But do you really?)

Do ever miss anyone?

Now this question is dangerous. The charcoal smell intensifies, and you grip your robes tightly. You notice how she grips the popcorn bucket a little tighter, and the tear forming in her eye. She scrubs it away. "Of course I do. You don't get through immortal life without companions to ease the pain. Look at Aeor! (Who?) Left to fight his brother because of duty, and honor."

Her eyes flick to the frames on the mantle, each showing different people. One has a cyan haired man and a zombie with a sunflower curling around her throat. "Gaslight, gatekeep, girl boss," reads the engraving on its oak frame. She sits in the middle, grinning at the camera. A fire rages in the background. (Why is there a fire? That seems important. Why does it feel dangerous?)

In another frame, five people stand in front of a pole of boats. A man with a mustache has his arm wrapped around a man with parrot wings, who is holding tnt. She (who? Who?) is doing bunny ears over a man with a yellow i on his shirt, while he attempts to keep a serious expression for the camera. Actually, most of the frame is taken up by a large maroon hat. The man underneath is winking at the camera, one hand pressed against his lips in a "hush" motion, the other stroking the cat on his lap. His eyes glint dangerously. "Boatem, inc." says the plaque.

The final frame shows two twins crowd around a third. (You know them. Don't you?) The girl has a large purple hat, and the boy wears goggles meant for blacksmiths. The other kid has a crown, and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. All three of them are sticking their tounges out at the camera person, youth shining through their features. In this one, She (who? Who is she?) is nowhere to be seen, but the children are posing in a sunflower field. (That's important. You're sure it is.) They stand in the shadow of a giant beanstalk. The frame is halfway burnt around the edges.

Her eyes linger on the last one.

"Yeah," she says finally. "I miss a lot of people." You fiddle with the lining of your robe. It's gold, you notice. She always liked gold. (Wait... who? Who liked gold?)

□□□

Your head hurts. It's been hurting for a while now, a dull throbbing at the base of your skull. And your throat is dry. Like a desert. (Why is that significant?) You've just noticed that. She glances over at you. Or at least you think so. Her edges are getting blurry. You can't smell charcoal anymore. The movie that's been playing must have stopped, because you can't hear it. You can't see it either. The TV has faded from view. Huh.

She's sitting in front of you now, hands cupping your face. When did she get there? Her face is starting to fade to gray. "I'm so sorry," she says. Her hands are soft. It feels like summer. "I'm so sorry," she says again. What is she sorry for? She doesn't need to be sorry. It's you who should be sorry. You're the one who barged in and asked intrusive questions.

You don't even know her.

"No," she murmurs. "No, you do know me." Did you say that out loud? The gray is spreading to her dress. You are lying in her arms. "I'm so sorry," she tells you. This feels familiar. Your hands are turning black. They're crumbling. "■■■■■," you rasp. (What did you say?) "I'm here, ■■■■■■■, I'm here," she says. You cough into your hand, which hurts to move, and black goo splatters on. This is familiar.

This is wrong.

This is so, so wrong. (How do you know that? Why is it familiar?) You shouldn't be here. (Now that's something we agree on.) She shouldn't be cradling you. Her skin shouldn't be gray. You should know her name. You should know yours. (Damn right.)

Your eyelids are getting heavy. Her face is starting weather. The sunflowers crown is withering. She hugs you close, and you can feel the stone grating against your skin. You don't really care though. "Love you, ■■■■■," you slur. "Love you too, ■■■■■■■," she grates out, jaw stiff.

Your eyelids shut, and then you're both still.

The Saint and her Angel.

¤¤¤¤¤¤

I, uh, gave up on Emptober. I'll post it whenever I feel inspired to write. Have this in the meantime.

So! Author's notes. This is about Pearl and Sausage, because I love me some Arena Duo. It started out as a third person interviewing Pearl, but then shifted to Sausage. He doesn't know it, obviously, but he knows he loves her. Fun fact! This piece has the most scrapped bits out of any fic I've done. One of the lines was "You do not know her. (But doesn't your heart say "yes! You love her like the sun loves her flowers.")" It was really hard to cut that, but it didn't really work. He also doesn't know the person he's thinking of and the woman in front of him are the same person.

This is the longest fic I've ever written, and it took me a month to perfect it.

The last scene is a parallel to their season one ending. If you can image it, they end up both stone, with Sausage laying in Pearl's arms, and her leaning over him, as if to protect him.

The entire thing is supposed to be dreamlike, which is why it's tagged as unreality. I was going to end it as a dream, but that ending seemed weak compared to what I have now.

[smallraindrops-blog]

HELLO I AM SORRY IF THIS HAS BEEN ASKED ALREADY but I really like the achilles son au w hypnos... if you haven't started writing the next bit, do you think you could make part 6 and have it where Thanatos notices how close y/n and Hypnos are getting, and confronts y/n about it? I feel like it could make for good story stuff and angst cuz Hypnos would have to admit to them liking each other mutually/being in a relationship and basically back up y/n

Wake Me From This Dreaming.

Word Count: 6.1K

Warning: Fighting, war, traum, medical stuff, nightmares, death, war, kisses, romantic/sexual tension, family drama, no beta.

A/N: HELLO ANON! funny enough, you and I had the same idea for this part. I think it lines up enough with what you asked for so i hope you still like it. Sorry for disappearing for a bit, Ive been working/zoom classes/napping.

To those had sent me asks for the Modern!AU of this, I’ve seen them and is currently on working on those along other wips. And I am still taking requests for this son!au in case anyone wondering.

I hope y’all like this because I do have some doubts about this part. Also I actually like Thanatos but I always feel i like make him into a bad guy. ANYWAY. Enjoy!

Masterpost with all the parts

The Trojan war was in full swing and you felt every moment of it.

You walked behind Your Father, both of you filthy with blood and dirt smeared over you. Your knuckles were bleeding and you could feel every twitch of pain in your hands.

The last of the daylight made his armor glow, and he reminded one of those statues, unreal and untouchable.

Achilles was unusually quiet, normally your father was loud and boisterous to show off to his men. But you and both walked ahead of the group, Achilles in a rage and you followed to stop him.

The last battle had gone badly thanks to Agamemnon and his unwillingness to send more help to the Greeks in battle. Several dozen good men, both Greeks and Achaeans were lost for no reason other than pettiness between their leaders.

“Father?” You spoke up when the camp was in sight, you didn't want to have this talk in front of Patroclus, not when Patroclus was already dealing with the sick and dying. Not when you knew Patroclus feared the day it might be you or Achilles or both.

You almost died today and if it hadn't been for Achilles’ speed, you would have been one of the bodies carried back.

Achilles didn’t turn around, just grunted as he kept walking.

He couldn’t even face you. You sighed, “Don’t let this get to you. Don’t give Agamemnon this power over you.”

Achilles stopped and you copied him, waiting for him to say something. A wind drifted past, carrying the salty smell of the sea. Finally Achilles turned to look at you, his face dark and cold.

If you weren’t his son, you would have taken a step back.

“You could have died today because of him, do you understand?” Achilles said, slow and calm like you were a child, not a fellow warrior. The drying blood on his face and helmet only made his blue eyes look brighter, crueler.

Your chest tightened at the man who looked like a mockery of your Father. Curse this damn war, for this quest of glory and what it had cost. All for some damn woman.

“It could happen any day, because of any reason.” You breathed through your nose, not willing to show any fear to Achilles. “His brother will talk sense into him, this battle has hurt them just as much.”

You stared Achilles down, “Do. Not. Let them have this over you, over us.”

Achilles glared at you, “Losing you would break Patroclus, it would kill him-”

“Don’t.” You snapped, “We both know you were the one you put me on the battlefield in the first place.”

Before you even saw his hands move, Achilles grabbed you by your shoulders, his fingers curled in the fabric and dragged you to him.

“I am your father, lad and I will not tolerate this disrespect from anyone but especially not from my son, do you understand me?” Achilles hissed.

You didn’t fight his hold, You just said “Don’t go to Agamemnon. If you won’t do it for me, do it for Pa! It's the least you could do for him after everything he has done for you.”

Achilles said nothing, his face was a stranger to you. His hands let go of you as he turned away from you.

“Don’t show up for dinner tonight, I don’t want to see you until the next call for battle.” Achilles snarled as he walked ahead to the camp.

You slumped, shaky with a rush of adrenaline.

You started walking a few minutes afterwards in the dusty twilight, alone in the dark. The war had already dragged on for almost six years now and it had taken so much. You looked up at the sky, the stars just starting to reveal themselves.

Surely this war couldn’t go on for much longer.

~

Once, when you were a new guard, Prince Zagrues asked You about the war.

You had tensed up, you were still getting used to your new role as house guard- still getting used to the house, the gods, the countless rules and the odd little creature named Hypnos who had for some reason, taken up talking to you.

You knew you couldn't tell him off like you could others. So in the polite tone your parents had drilled into you for kings and politicians, you asked him what he wanted to know.

"What was Achilles like, in battle I mean?" Prince Zagreus asked, his curiosity oblivious.

You relaxed, it was easy to talk about your father and his skills. "He wasn't called the greatest of Greeks for nothing. I still never seen anything that moved like he did."

You shifted on your feet, leaning against your spear a little. "The first couple of months in the war, I was in charge of his spears, and I can tell you he never missed, not once."

Prince Zagreus grinned, "That's amazing. In the years I knew him, he never really talked about it. The war I mean."

You almost said, well of course, he wouldn't talk about the foolish quest for glory that cost him everything. And even in death, it took so much time for everyone to heal.

But you bit the words back and shrugged, "That's just how Father is sometimes." And with that you sent the prince on his way.

Once Prince Zagreus was out of sight, you sighed and called out, "Hypnos, I know you are hiding in the rafters again. Shouldn't you be working right now?"

You looked up and saw Hypnos gave you a surprise stare. He blinked once slowly at you, owl-like with his golden eyes. "How did you know I was here?"

You matched his stare, "I know everything."

Hypnos scoffed at you, unimpressed and floated down. "You know, you could have told him. He can be dense about some things but he is never cruel. He would have understood if he touched a raw nerve."

You scowled, "What are you talking about?"

Hypnos placed his cheek on his hand, a knowing look in his eyes. "You almost said something else didn't you?"

"No." You said, annoyed that this little strange god somehow saw what Prince Zagreus didn't.

He raised a brow, an amused smile curled his lips and you forced yourself to look past him.  Of course, the most annoying creature you ever met was also the most beautiful thing you ever laid eyes on.

Hypnos drifted back, "Alrighty, tough guy. I will leave you alone."

"Will you though?" You asked but a smirk form on your face and Hypnos...

Hypnos just laughed, warm and loud.

~

"Pa, I'm fine." You groaned. Patroclus held your face between his hands, turning your face one way then the other way to look at you.

"Let me see the rest." Patroclus ordered. "Are you sure you clean it up right?"

"What? No, Pa, it's fine. Why does everyone forget we're dead and it doesn't matter?" You pulled your face away with a shake of your head.

"Don't argue with your Pa." Achilles said, a scowl on his face.

You rolled your eyes, of course Achilles was a pushover when it came to Patroclus.

With his arms crossed, Achilles sighed. "Why didn't you tell us that you were added to the pact of punishment?"

"I knew it would upset you guys." You replied. You huffed when Patroclus picked up your arm and unwrapped the bandages.

"It's not a big deal. I-" You started but hissed when Pa touched the wound. It mostly healed but it was still tender. Patroclus looked up at you, frowning. "You promise me that you cleaned out everything?"

"I- Yes. I promise." You muttered, embarrassed being fussed over. And you thought Hypnos was bad. Patroclus rewrapped your arm wordlessly, his movements quick.

"Did Zagreus know? About Ares?" Patroclus looked at you, his dark eyes hard.

"Beloved, the lad wouldn't knowingly hurt Y/N like that." Achilles said.

"Father's right." You shrugged, "I don't think he knew how bad Ares has it out for me even now. I didn’t, that's for sure."

Patroclus gave you and Achilles a doubtful look, "Alright." He said finally. You reached over and gave Patroclus an one arm hug.

“Come on, I came here to escape the doom and gloom of the house. Tell me what I miss.” You said.

Achilles perked up, a cheeky grin on his lips. “Speaking of houses, when will you bring your ‘friend’ along? I think we are due for a meeting.” Patroclus laughed quietly at your grimace. His face lightened for the first time since you returned to your parents, still wrapped up in bandages.

You groaned and shoved Achilles who didn't even stumble at your push. “Not this again.”

Later, when you almost made it out of Elysium, you heard a familiar voice.

“Y/N! Wait, stop where you are.” Zagreus called out and you sighed, closing your eyes. Of course, with your luck Zagreus and you would cross paths right now.

But your parents didn’t raise a coward so you turned around to see Zagreus hurried over to you.  A faint pink haze followed him, Aphrodite but you saw no sign of Ares, thankfully.

“Your Highness, what can I do for you?” You eyed the pink mist. Zagreus flinched as if he knew this wasn’t the ideal way for you and him to meet again.

“I need to apologize for what happened last time.” Zagreus sighed, his hands spread out. “I-i just wasn’t thinking and I just trying to get out quickly-“

“Your highness- Zagreus.” Your tone made the prince stop, his mismatched eyes staring at you.

“You don’t need to apologize.” You sighed, “Honestly, I didn’t think Ares would still care since I've been dead for a long time. It was nothing you did. You need all the help you can get.”

Zagreus bit his lip, “Alright, I won’t argue.”  You nod, grateful he let it go.

“If there is nothing else…” you trailed off, shifting on your feet.

Zagreus gave a nervous grin, “Actually there is. I want to know if we can resume my training?”

You tilted your head in surprise. ”Why?”

“I don’t want it to happen again. We both know the reason you got hurt badly was because you pulled me away from his attacks.” Zagrues shifted on his feet, leaving burnt grass behind. “I want to get as good as you, as Achilles.”

“You already fought Hades, a god. Zagreus, I lost my fight with Ares when I was alive, and my father…” You stopped at the disappointment on Zagrues’ face.

You sighed, this job had made you gone soft. Damn it.

“Alright. We can pick up your training again.” You pointed a finger at him. “But no tomfoolery or no missing training.”

Zagreus beamed, “Thank you, sir! I won’t let you down.”

You just nodded.  ‘I know.”

His grin became a smirk, “Tell Hypnos to come train with me sometimes, I didn't know his spells could hit that hard.”

You chuckled, “I’ll tell him.”

Zagreus nodded and waved a farewell. You returned the wave. You waited until he was out of sight before you slumped, feeling the aches in your body.

You don’t get paid enough for this.

~

Hypnos had taken up sleeping in your bed, using his cloak as a blanket.

Your room was dark except for a single candle. You closed the door, careful not to make a sound.

You should be more upset about how the little god had claimed your bed while you were gone. You weren't though, if Hypnos wanted your bed, it was his for the taking.

You dropped off your goods and new armor by the door and walked over the bed.

You stared down at him, soaking in the sight. It still didn't feel real, Hypnos didn't feel real to you. His messy curls were somehow more messy and his mouth slightly parted. You reach out to touch him, to hear his grumpy muttering as he is awakened. But you stopped, Hypnos hadn’t gotten much sleep since you got hurt in the battle so you pulled away.

With a sigh, you sat down on the floor, the bed to your back. One more day until you return back to the daily grind of guard duty. You hoped you wouldn't have to go out for a while, just so you could have more time with Hypnos.

You heard a rustle next to you and you turned to see heavy lidded eyes blinked at you.

Hypnos smiled, "You've returned." And you loved him so much it hurts just to look at him.

You reached over and brushed his curls from his eyes. "And you’ve taken over my bed.”

Hypnos just grinned and tugged at your hand to join him, and of course because it's Hypnos, you did. You and him pressed together tightly on the small bed, Hypnos tucked his head under your chin as you held him.

You hummed, it felt good to finally have Hypnos in your arms.

Hypnos brushed his fingers against your collarbone, his breathing slowly deepened as he fell back to sleep. You blinked slowly at the wall, feeling warm and fuzzy-head.

You don’t remember falling asleep.

~

Smoke coated your mouth and throat and you could feel ashes all over your face.  You tried to breathe but barely any air came to you.

Ares dragged you though the town, his soldiers and dogs hunting for the townsfolk. You thought you felt hands tugged at you, pulling you in hundreds of directions.

As you were dragged on the ground, you saw Achilles holding on to Patroclus' broken body. His face buried in Patroclus' chest as he screamed and weeped.

Patroclus’ heads rolled and you knew the light had left his dark eyes.

'Father, you're bleeding. Your foot.' You tried to tell him but Achilles didn't hear you and you blinked and he slumped over Patroclus' body, just as broken he was.

Nononono-

Ares' fingers dug into your head, and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed as he screamed, “Where are they? Where? Where?!" And slammed the back of your head into the ground at each question.

You stared up at the god, vision blurred and head throbbing and spat in his face. "Fuck off." You slurred or tried to, you weren't sure if you were able to.

You could hear his dogs barking and howling as they circled you.

Ares went quiet, his panting harsh and slowly his fingers went up to where you spat in his face. His fingers pulled away and he stared at the bloody saliva.

And screamed -

"Y/N." Soft and sweet, almost a sing-song voice broke past the screaming. Gentle touches on your cheek, you jerked awake and saw the wall of your room. Off from the side, you saw faint light of a candle flicker and dance.

“You were having a nightmare.” Hypnos whispered. You blinked again, and realized Hypnos was next to you, pressed close to your side on your too small bed.

You groaned and sat up. “I fell asleep?”

It was rare for you to fall asleep at all but with Hypnos tucked against you, it had gotten easier.

Hypnos followed, “You needed it.” He said simply, his tone warning you not to argue with him. He gave you a gentle poke on your chest, You chuckled, trying to forget the dream you just had.

He leaned against you, sleep-warm and soft. You sighed as you rested your cheek on his head.

You never shared a bed like this before. But you could get used to it.

“I-i saw it. Not by choice.” Hypnos said, quick and hush.

You tensed unwillingly, “How much?” It wasn’t that you were upset at him, you knew he could see dreams, he told you before but it's just that you don’t want him to see the worst of your memories. Didn’t want his cheerful face twisted into that worried frown you seemed so good at causing.

“Just parts of it. I’m sorry, I know you don’t like to talk about it.” Hypnos’ hand rose to touch you then stopped; unsure of himself.

And you couldn’t have that.

You grabbed his fingers and pressed a kiss against his knuckles, “No need to be sorry.” You muttered against his skin before you looked up at his embarrassed but pleased face.

“I’m sorry you had to see it-“

Hypnos didn’t let you finish, interrupted your words with a kiss. He pulled away after a moment, his golden eyes bright. “Hush. You don’t have to apologize for a nightmare. Not to me.”

You swallowed, lost for words.

So you just kissed him again. Slowly and lovingly. Hypnos presses closer, warm and inviting.

Home, you thought to yourself, I’m home.

~

You nodded toward Skully, who returned the nod when he saw you and Zagreus with Hypnos floating in from behind you. “Boys, you’re back for more.”

He spied Hypnos who gave him a cheeky grin and a wave. Skully pointed to his eyes with two fingers then to Hypnos, “Imma keep an eye on you, don’t you forget.”

Hypnos put a hand on his chest with a mock gasp, “Skully, I thought you knew you can trust me by now.” Skully just laughed, loud and harsh but Hypnos joined in.

You smiled, you didn’t take part in the strange game Hypnos played with Skully but you liked watching it unfold. Honestly, the skeleton seems to enjoy chasing Hypnos off just as Hypnos enjoyed playing jokes on the old bag of bones.

You turned to Zagrues to order him to warm up when Thanatos appeared in the room. Zagreus perked up immediately, “Than, you made it!”

You glanced back at Hypnos, who gave you a surprise and slightly hurt look in return.

Thanatos nodded toward the prince, his golden eyes drifted over to you then to Hypnos.

You crossed your arms, “You invited him, I take it?” And Zagreus gave you a guilty smile.

“Y/N. Hypnos.” Thanatos greeted with a disapproving look toward Hypnos but he kept his mouth shut this time.

“If it is alright, I want Thanatos to be here to watch.” Zagreus’ eyes darted between you and Thanatos. You raised an eyebrow, he was up to something but you didn’t know what.

“Makes no difference to me. Just remember, this is training. Not a sporting event.” You pointed to the center of the room, “Warm up now.”

After Zagrues started with Skully handling the counting, you turned to the brothers. Hypnos grinned, “Come on Thanatos. I will show you my home from home. It is the best corner of the room.”

As Hypnos moved past you, his hand brushed across your back. Just a quiet touch between you and him.  You didn’t see Thanatos noticing the touching or how his eyes went to Hypnos who acted like normal.

~

“And he told you that?” You asked, amused at the outrage on Hypnos’ face. You grabbed the drinks and followed Hypnos back to the table tucked away in a corner. The lounge was slow right now, only a few shades lingered. Some talked of work but you saw a few pairs together, close and quiet.

It had been weeks since the new training and the returned to guard duty. You were glad for the break.

“I’m not kidding. So after this doctor and his thing, what do you mortals call it? Blood-something?” He looked up at you, slipping his too sweet drink.

“Blood-letting.” You told him, grinning at his wrinkled nose. He shuddered,“Urg. Yes. That. So the leeches he was testing out caused an allergic reaction and he ended up dying.”

Hypnos waved a hand, “That wasn’t the wrose of it though. Before he was done dying, the other doctor that was helping him didn’t try to save him, just took notes as he died.”

You laughed, “That is horrible.” You slipped your drink, “Was that angry guy in the great hall earlier?”

Hypnos shook his head, “Oh no, that was a different guy, he heard that the guy that his wife left him for died and was waiting for him.”

You rolled your eyes, “Really? Dead and he still cared?”

Hypnos leaned forward, his elbows on the table and hands holding on to his drink. “Patroclus was a doctor right? Did he ever do that stuff?”

You tapped your drink in thought, “A few times. He mainly handled battle or training injuries. He didn’t care for leeches, if you could imagine.”

Hypnos chuckled,”That’s fair. I heard they get quite attached.”

You groaned with a laugh, “Really, Hypnos? That was a bad one.”

“You’re just mad you didn’t think of it yourself.” Hypnos replied. The little god scooted closer, his golden eyes on you. You got closer too, just to share the same space as him.

After a few more drinks and a meal, Hypnos hooked his arm into yours as he led you out the lounge. Normally you didn’t like to be so openly affectionate but Hypnos did so you tried to be too. Even if it meant fighting down a blush the whole time.

“And then Zagreus tried to play it off. Acting like he left something in his room, and wasn’t killed by one of those numbskulls.” Hypnos chatted happily as he told you of the prince’s first escape attempts.

You chuckled, relieved to notice that most of the house had retired. You relaxed a little as Hypnos and you made it your way to the hallways of where the workers lived.

But Hypnos stopped moving forward, biting his bottom lip. You waited, noting at how the candlelight danced across his face. “You look really good.” You whispered, feeling like a fool but you wanted him to know.

Hypnos blinked up at you, a pleased smile formed slowly. “Oh?”

You nodded, moving your arm to hold him by his waist and leaned down to steal a kiss from him. For a few moments, you and him kissed, chaste but with a promise for more later.

Until you heard something moved. You pulled away, staring over your shoulder to the opening into the east wing. Hypnos copied you, “Is everything okay?”

“Did you hear that?” You waited until Hypnos shook his head. You placed your hands on his shoulders, “Stay here.” You ordered and you made your way over. Your eyes darted, searching for any movement . But everything was in its place, and nothing moved in the shadows. You went over to check the administration door, only to see everything locked up properly.

You even checked the great hall, listening for anything.  You waited for a few heartbeats. You wondered if you imagined something but your gut told you otherwise.

Someone was there even if they weren’t anymore.

You returned to Hypnos who gave you a curious head tilt. You shook your head, “Sorry, I must have been imagining things.” You heard the wariness in your own voice and knew Hypnos did too.

The little god tugged you closer, holding both of your hands. “You got nothing to worry about.” You nodded, even if you didn’t believe him.

Hypnos gave you a nervous glance. “I- I wanted to ask you something.”

You focused on him, “Anything.”

“You know how we would go to your room?” Hypnos whispered quickly, to force his words out. “I was thinking - only if you wanted to, of course- if you would like to see my bedchambers?”

It took a few moments for the words to sink in. You squeezed his hands, smaller than yours, gently as you could. “Are you sure?” Hypnos, for all his affection and joking around, was oddly private about his own stuff.

The little god nodded, and you leaned down to press a kiss on his lips.

“Yes, I would very much like to do so.”

The wobbly but very happy smile Hypnos gave nearly broke your heart.

~

You made it back to the camp and to your tent. You waved away the girl you had taken in a few years ago, still young and slight. She and her mother had put up as a pair since she would have been too young to be on her own and Patroclus had told you to take them in.

“I could bring you some more food, master.” She whispered, still nervous as a mouse. She placed a loaf of bread on the weapon table next to the candles she lit.

You shook your head, trying to keep your voice even. You would not snap at a child, especially when you knew you looked terrifying with the blood on you. “No, but thank you. You should return to your mother. She should be helping the others with getting dinner ready.”

She bowed and hurried out the tent and you fell on the cot that was your bed. You tossed off the helmet, uncaring of where it landed.

You only got to close your eyes for a few minutes before you heard someone else at your tent opening.

"Y/N?" Patroclus stepped in, frowning when his foot tapped the helmet. He picked up and carefully placed it on the single table that served as the weapon and eating area.

You sat up with a groan. "Hey Pa." Patroclus made his way over to you, his dark eyes scanned you. He cupped your face and held it closer to the light.

"I guess you heard what happened?" You tried to sound light-hearted. Patroclus said nothing, his eyes on the cut on your forehead.

"Your father was upset when he came in, wouldn't even speak to me at first." Patroclus let go of your face, brushing a hand on your matted hair.

You looked away to stare at the ground, not able to meet Patroclus' eyes. "I just…" you trailed off, not able to find the words you wanted to say.

You looked back at Patroclus when you heard him laugh. The smile on his face was a sad one even with the fond look in his eyes. "You're a good son. But you don't need to protect me or your father. It is our job to protect you."

You looked at him, at the lines around his mouth and eyes, at how tried he looked. And thought to yourself, 'No, it is my job.'

You saw how Achilles would just look at Patroclus sometimes, quiet and desperately worried. Achilles still looked like a man in his early thirties but Patroclus was very much a mortal and looked older.

You wanted to tell him that he was the only thing that kept Achilles grounded, kept your Father just and strong like the heroes of old. And that he was a mortal and it would be too easy to lose him.

But you don't.

You shrugged, unable to say anything.

Patroclus sat down next to you, his hand on your arm. "He wouldn't tell me, not at first. He told me what happened afterward when he was done with his fit."

"I understand why, Pa. I could have died just because I was being careless." You said.

"I know. But he could have handled it better." Patroclus repiled. He patted your arm. "You did good by talking your father out whatever bullheaded idea he had but you shouldn't have to, do you understand?"

"Yes Pa." You muttered, nineteen and a warrior but Patroclus still made you feel like a child. But it was different with him, it came from love, not anger.

You glanced at Patroclus, "Did he seem more like himself?" You bit your lip, feeling foolish for asking.

Patroclus just nodded, his lips pursed. You flinched, thankful you didn't have to be in the room with them for that talk.

"I already talked to your father. So I will be joining you for dinner instead." Patroclus stood up.

You frowned, "But Father will miss-"

Patroclus raised an eyebrow, stopping you in your tracks. "Your father will be fine for one night."

You nodded, feeling pity for Achilles. It would do no good arguing with Patroclus when he was upset.

"And Y/N. Next time listen to your Father on the battlefield. No ifs or buts understood?" Patroclus said.

“Yes, Pa.” you said.

Patroclus nodded, placing a gentle hand on your head."Good, now come along. I heard they have a fine stew going."

~

Thanatos was more quiet than Hypnos who cheered whenever you or Zagrues got a good hit in.

But that didn’t seem to stop Zagrues from getting distracted. It just for a moment but it allowed you to get a good enough kick in to push Zagreus several feet and onto his back. Thanatos jerked forward as if to step in but Hypnos’ hand on his shoulder stopped him.

You met his eyes with a shrug, which made his glare harsher. You walked toward Zagreus and offered a hand. When you pulled him up, you tugged him over and whispered in his ear, “Your highness, I understand you wanted him here but if you can’t keep your head in the game, I will have to remove him. Understood?”

Zagrues nodded, and You patted his shoulder.

“Back to the center, now.” You ordered. You could feel the holes Thanatos was glaring into back and sighed inwardly. You definitely don’t get paid enough to deal with this.

After the training, Hypnos went over to you while Thanatos stayed back. You could Thanatos’ eyes on you, watching your every move.

Hypnos bumped your shoulder with a smirk, “Good show as always but next time I might bring peanuts to throw when it's getting boring.”

“Do it and I will have Zagreus use you as target practice.” You said, grinning at Hypnos’ laugh.

“Are you sure you have to leave right now?” You overheard Zagreus asked Thanatos. “Meg and I were going to meet up at the lounge later.”

“Yes, I do.” Thanatos looked at you and Hypnos, a frown on his face. “Hypnos, come along. You have been away from your work long enough.”

Hypnos rolled his eyes, “Work work work work.” He floated to Thanatos.  “I think that's all you can do.”

“At least I’m not wasting my time playing with-“ Thanatos replied sharply.

“Hey! Don’t you dare continue.” Hypnos snapped. Thanatos just rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet.

You blinked, you didn't know Hypnos could make that tone with his cheerful voice. You and Zagreus’ eyes met, both with questions. Zagreus pointed toward the brothers and you shrugged, just as lost.

“Y/N, I have to go back.” Hypnos sighed, and gave Zagreus a finger wave, “Try not to die again, your Highness!”

And with that, the brothers vanished.

You and Zagrues stared at each other, both equally lost on what to say now.

You sighed, and went over to help Skully with the clean up. Zagreus followed, "I know this isn't my business, but what is going on between you and Thanatos?"

You stopped and turned to the prince, "What?"

Zagreus waved a hand to where the brothers were earlier, "Thanatos doesn't like you but he won't really talk to me about it other than that he thinks you're trouble. I was hoping you would tell me."

"He hasn't liked me from day one. I don't know if it is me or just because I'm a mortal. Honestly I don't care." You told him. "You will have to ask him or Hypnos."

Zagreus frowned, "Normally he isn't like this. I thought since you and Hypnos were-"

"Is between me and Hypnos." You warned. "Come on now, let's not leave Skully with all the work."

Zagreus frowned, clearly not wanting to let it go. After you and him placed the weapons back and helped Skully lock up the keepsakes, Zagreus glanced at you.

“If you ever need my help, just let me know Y/N.” Zagreus smiled at you, “You and him have been good for each other.”

You just nodded, “Thank you, your highness.”

~

Only a day later Thanatos came and found you.

You paused when you saw Thanatos by your usual post, his face carefully neutral. You waited for a glare to appear when you got closed but his mouth only tightened.

“Thanatos.” You greeted him mildly.

“Y/N.” Thanatos returned the greeting not quite as mild.

"This is about Hypnos, isn't it?" You said, not bothering to play games.

Thanatos sighed, "Yes. Do you mind if we find a more private area to speak?"

You gestured for him to lead the way and wordlessly followed him.

Once away from prying eyes, Thanatos spoke.

“I have noticed you and Hypnos. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.” Thanatos said. his golden eyes narrowed, watching for your face.

“Noticed what exactly?” You asked. You didn’t know where Hypnos stood with his family. You knew he wanted to be closer with them, that when he spoke of them it was always with a little bit of sadness. Even with Charon, who was busy with his work as the boatman and the shopkeeper.

And privately, you feared that if his family disapproved of the relationship, Hypnos would end it for their sake.  You feared that possibility more than you feared the god of death before you. It was one of the reasons you didn’t court Hypnos sooner.

Thanatos scowled, “I have warned you. I understand if Hypnos been pushy and I can tell him stop-“

“I was the one who pursued Hypnos.” You interrupted. It wasn’t exactly the truth, it was mutual on both sides. You tried to think of a way to tell him that Hypnos may have been the one to start it but you pushed both ahead, only grateful that something like Hypnos existed in the first place, let alone even looked at you.

Thanatos might be able to tell Hypnos to stop this, but he couldn’t tell you that. And for as long as Hypnos would have you, you will fight Thanatos tooth and nail.

“Why are you so against me?” You asked the god, “I won’t mistreat him, you don’t have to worry about him with me. I- I owe him everything.”

Thanatos shook his head, unwilling to hear you out.

“Things can change.” Thanatos said, pointing a finger at you.  “Hypnos is my little brother. Why do you, one of the mortals who are so arrogant to even try to fight gods, think that he would-“

“Thanatos.” Hypnos said. You and Thanatos both jerked, neither of you had heard Hypnos’ arrival.

Hypnos’ face darken when you and him both turned to look at him. His golden eyes were brighter, his own presence carried a weight to it you didn’t feel before even if he was still smaller.

You felt your chest tighten.

He was beautiful.

Hypnos moved between you and Thanatos. “Thanatos, you’re my brother but I don’t appreciate you talking to Y/N like this.”

Thanatos scowled, “You are being a child, Hypnos. The Olympians may use mortals for lovers but we are above that.”

“That is a matter between me and Y/N.” Hypnos said. You couldn’t see his face but you saw how his shoulders tense up. You almost reached out, wanting to comfort him but you held back. It wouldn’t be welcome, not right now.

“Have you taken this mortal as a lover?” Thanatos repeated, his eyes narrowed. Not letting up.

Hypnos sighed, ��I-i. Fine, yes.”

Thanatos rubbed his eyes in frustration, “Hypnos. Why? Because of Meg?”

Your eyebrows went up in surprise. What did Meg have to do with this?

Hypnos shook his head, “You already got your answer, I’m not telling you.”

“That because you are shortsighted, this won’t end well. Do you understand Hypnos? Mortals, even dead ones and gods don’t mix. I had hoped Y/N would be wise enough to see that but I have no choice but let you make your mistake. Don’t come crying to me when you realize that.”

With that Thanatos vanished.  Hypnos didn’t move a few moments, still enough to make you nervous. Carefully you moved closer, touching his shoulders. He blinked up at you, and graced you with a nervous smile.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

You nodded, “I feel like I should ask you that.”

“I’m okay. I- Just give him time, please. He didn't have any good experience with mortals, even the alive ones and I-i think he is just worried.”  Hypnos begged as he turned to face you. He grabbed your hands as if he was the mortal begging for forgiveness.

You pulled his hand up and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, heart breaking at the sight of relief on Hypnos’ face. “Thanatos doesn’t scare me. I will put up with much worse than him for you. Alright?”

Hypnos just hugged your waist, and squeezed. You wrapped your arms around him, rubbing his back.

You will hold off on your questions about Meg. And Thanatos’ hate for mortals. For now.

Hypnos was the only thing that mattered right now.

[kthynes]

meet cute

pairing: chris evans x fem!reader

request: What about Chris meeting a cute girl at target. It's 10 pm and the reader is with a good friend buying some food. The reader is not from the USA she is from Germany and visit her friend in the USA. Chris and the Reader catch the Same thing and he can't keep his eyes of her even when she is younger than him (22years) - anon

warning: none, just marshmallow fluff

a/n: I honestly think there's so much sweetness and anticipation in first chance meetings. If I were to ever bump into Chris irl then this is how I would want it to pan out. Thanks for the request, anon! Stay lovin' folksss.

ALSO that look, that mf look. I'd die.

-:-

America is nothing like Germany or any other country you've visited in the past. Aside from economic differences and views in politics, you find that everyone here is generally accepting, a bit aggressive, but kind enough to overshare their thoughts. There is a jovial atmosphere that you find yourself attesting to and then there's also the glaring culture shock that assaults you left right and center. It has definitely been a happy adjustment.

"Becky Jane price check to cash five! Becky Jane price check to cash five." A woman hollers over the intercom as you and your good friend, Mia giggle down the aisles. You are in America visiting her for the first time after a long time. She's well settled, attending UMass, living her best life and you couldn't be any happier for her.

"So what should we make for dinner?" She turns to ask you.

"Anything is fine with me, I mean it's getting kind of late now and I'd be okay with cereal." You point to a box of Cocopuffs and your friend shakes her head.

"That's not the first meal you're having in America Y/N." She chides you before coming up with one of her better ideas. "C'mon let's go over to the produce section, we can grab some ingredients for my world famous spinach and feta lasagna!"

You laugh but a part of you is tempted to stay, still enticed by the large array of sugary breakfast cereals. "Actually you go on ahead I wanna look around here for a bit."

Your friend rolls her eyes. "Fine if you're really hellbent then we can have cereal for dessert. How does that sound?"

"Perfect." You smile at her as she shakes her head and trolleys down the narrow aisle way.

There are so many options and while standing in the middle of the aisle you can't help but take in the rows of corrugated and colorful boxes, all brandishing a character or mascot of some sort. You finally settle on one box, reach over to grab it but then come up short when another hand does the same. You gasp and unsubtly retreat in unison, there's that assurgency that parallels your feelings of embarrassment and awkwardness.

"Oh I'm sorry!" You say before getting a better look at the man standing right next to you.

"No that's alright." He chuckles as your eyes shamelessly widen. It's him. The all American ass man himself, Chris Evans. He seems unreal. A simulation almost as he's idling around in a fitted red plaid flannel, dark blue jeans and a NASA cap that has seen better days.

"You can have it."

"Er, um, are you sure?" You ask and he nods, playfully bouncing his brows at you with an immobilizing grin.

"Yeah I can settle for something else." He eyes the shelf and then picks out a box of Special K, fibrous and healthy.

"Oh no don't, here take it." You joust him with the box and his head drops, laughing softly.

"It's fine. I'm better off with this stuff anyways." He says while sticking around, edging for some more conversation as his eyes inconspicuously drinks you up. You bob your head up and down and purse your lips, flustered to even properly smile at the actor who looks proportionally the same in person, if not even more breathtaking.

"I'm Chris by the way. But I'm sure you already knew that." He states out loud and you nod slightly while closely holding onto the last box of Captain Crunch. "And you must be?"

"Y/N." You say softly and his face turns up with appreciation. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl he thinks to himself.

"Nice to meet you Y/N. I'm guessing you're not from around here." You both walk the back aisles, perusing through at a snails pace.

"How'd you..." You falter.

"You have a slight accent." Chris admits, pointing to his mouth to gesture the lilt he's been carefully in tune with. Your mouth forms into an 'o.' "But it's cute though."

"Oh!" Your voice goes up a register and then back down again when you laugh at his double sidedness. "Yeah I'm not."

"That's cool, where are ya from? If you don't mind me asking, that is." Chris holds to himself, making sure that he wasn't overstepping any boundaries by making casual conversation.

"Germany." You state without any pressing objections.

"Ahh best known for Stollen and beer and not to mention, muesli." Chris comes off a worldly man as he factualizes this statement to you as if you weren't aware of the lifestyle itself. "Which makes you very deserving of that box of Cap'n Crunch."

"Oh yeah?" You quirk a brow in questioning.

"For sure. It's an American delicacy and right, have at it." You giggle upon hearing this and Chris finds it scintillating to hear. Wow.

"Well thank you for being so thoughtful Mr. Evans." You sweetly add.

"Of course, always a gentleman." He says with a large hand pressed against his chest, proving to be an honorable man.

"Have you ever been to Germany?" You set forth with another ask and he shakes his head no.

"No I haven't really travelled around Europe like that but I would love to." Chris pipes for you to mentally take note.

"You should go when you get the chance, it's lovely."

"Like yourself?" Chris flirtatiously rebuts.

"At most."

"So what brings you to America?" He ponders.

"My friend lives here and I thought I'd come down visit her for the holidays before going back to college." You tell him and he understandably nods, feeling a pang of disappointment course through him when he realizes that you're probably young if he'd gotten his vague calculations correct.

"That's great. And is that her?" You both approach the front of the store where it's wide open and there are no shelves keeping you two hidden away. You notice your friend Mia giving you a quizzical look of disbelief, as her eyes dance between you and Chris who's used to fan behavior at different paradigms.

"It is and now I'm not going to hear the end of it." You face him with an apologetic look, cueing to Chris that you had to go. He took this in good stride while nodding with solemnness. "I should get going."

"Okay, sure, yeah."

"It was very nice meeting you, Chris." You lightly touch his arm as your thankful way of departure.

"Likewise." He answers with his eyes looking down at you and holding you in place for a split second. First goodbyes were just as ungiving as last goodbyes, especially when there's a sense of unknowingness in being reunited again. There's that chance you forcible take in hopes that the universe will have a timely plan and alignment.

"Y/N?" Mia impatiently calls for you from across the threshold and there is some shared awkwardness in letting go.

"You should..." Chris starts, eyes closing slightly as you back away.

"Right, okay well bye!" You yelp before spinning around, tight on your heels and trudging towards your friend who is now looking at Chris with big, bulbous eyes. Mia's mind races, pieces and panders like any inquisitively gossipy best friend that could've been plucked straight from a 2000's rom-com. She sputters right as you appear in front of her.

"What just happened? How'd you... Y/N, that's Chris Evans!" Mia profanely surmises just as you drop the box of cereal into the cart. "You were talking and smiling and being all cute with Chris Evans!"

"I know. Don't ask."

"I have to because he's eyeing like a hawk Y/N!"

"Oh shit, he is?"

"See for yourself m'dear." She snickers.

You turn around and notice that Chris is waiting in line but his eyes are fully on you as the smile on his lips broadens. There's a substandard twinkle in his blue irises that thanks you for your time - surely an impactful encounter that has him slightly enamored by you in clear focus. And that is enough for you to be contented, knowing that you had an unconventional meet cute with Chris Evans.

Imagine that.

[keisins]

—✥ SEVEN HEADED SNAKE, WHAT YOU CALL THAT? BLEEDING LIKE AN OPEN SCAR.

pairing. assassin!nanami kento x assassin!f!reader warnings. smut(18+), slight angst overview. *this plot was actually inspired from the amazing @sukirichi , ty for letting me use the idea from your drabble!* your divorce with nanami gets finalized, but why does it feel like your relationship is just beginning?

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ]

It’s an end.

“Alright, all done. You’re free to go. Thank you.”

You try not to look at the man that’s sitting across from you in this sweltering, closed up space of an attorney office. The papers you both inked your signatures on are slid into a safe kept portfolio that you will get a copy of soon enough, for confirmation.

Confirmation of a love that never really existed in the first place.

The white haired lawyer of your now ex-husband huffs a grin as he extends a hand to you. “I think a congratulations is in order.”

His wolf-like smile is a harsh reminder of how this was all your idea. A humiliating blush threatens to creep up your face before Nanami makes his first comment in the past five loudly silent minutes.

“You’re so unnecessary.” He murmurs as Gojou Satoru shakes your hand enthusiastically. It seems that a lot of things amuse the man. Especially, the person next to you.

Getou stares at the hand placed in front him and the same obnoxious grin you had just endured.

“Till next time, Suguru?”

The informality catches you a little off guard, but your “attorney” only gives a serene smile back and takes the hand. “Yes. See you, Satoru.”

Nanami gives you one last look and you a thin smile before nodding and making his way out. Gojou follows suit.

Getou sighs and drops the portfolio onto the hardwood table. “Well, now that’s done. We can finally start our mission, huh?”

You hum, slumping back into the wooden chair.

It’s a beginning.

“Got eyes on the target yet?”

Ah, those words never get old, do they? Nanami stares into the optic as he shifts his hold on the air soft rifle to search. He wants to get this over with— it’s been a long fucking week— and it never helps to have Gojo in his ear every minute gone by. Before Gojo can speak again, Nanami finally settles in a perfect spot.

The man fits every detail description. But, like clockwork, he needs to verify. “Seated at the bar, right?”

He hears the confirmation and his finger goes to the trigger until a figure comes up. It blocks the shot, but it’s quite the view anyway. It’s you. Wait— why were you here? His ex-wife; an acquaintance that agreed to marry him to both of your guy’s parents off your back, the one who always waited for him coming home from work (which ever one that may be; the office job or a sniper) and never complained until, well, this week.

He couldn’t deny you the request. He kind of owed it to you, to be honest. You were a kind woman with a job in retail, right? You were a good wife— loyal and patient, right? You were perfect on paper. Almost too perfect.

“Woah,” he hears Gojo chuckle in amusement and astonishment. “What is your ex-wife doing here, Nanami!”

“I-“ Nanami continues to observe the situation unfolding. You look good. Beautiful. Stunning. Like you belong in the elite society. He hasn’t seen you like this ever. Even when you two got married in that dull city courthouse. He clears his throat. “I don’t know.”

Then, he sees you turn, and you look straight at him through the glass circle. The corners of your lips turn up into the tiniest, sly smile before the back of your head is seen again.

What the fuck just happened? What is going on? It’s all that can go through Nanami’s head at the moment.

This kind of sucks, is all you’re thinking as the target of yours blabbers on about whatever. You could have seen yourself falling in love with Nanami Kento. If only he hadn’t been so stubborn about going to work and saying how dangerous it is there. What was so dangerous about transferring numbers in for some company, you used to think. But, now that he’s after your same target, you understood.

“Gotta give it to you, he’s even scarier now that I know he’s a sniper.” Mahito chuckles through your ear piece. “You know we have to kill him now right?”

You surprise yourself when you shudder at the thought. You hear Geto chastise him in response for you. “She’s kind of busy to be worrying about that right now.” Geto reminds you for what seems like the millionth time that night. “Focus on the target,” he tells you.

Right. Lure him in. Get the portfolio. Kill him. It’s been done before. An easy procedure. If only your ex-husband wasn’t a building away with a sniper in hand. You’re about to secure part of the mission— seduce the man back to his hotel room where the portfolio lies in a safe—when your phone rings.

You don’t know why you agree, but you end up in a luxurious hotel room drinking red wine with your ex-husband as you tell him the whole truth. And he tells you his. It’s too much to take in. It feels unreal.

“So, what now?”

He shrugs and takes another sip of his drink. And he looks so hot, with his chiseled jawline and high cheekbones. And those hands—

Without any thought, you pull on his tie and your lips land on his. Nanami realized he hasn’t touched you intimately in almost a year. He forgot how good it felt. Right now, you taste like wine. He gets a drip of it off your tongue when it brushes against his. And he decides he’ll let you do whatever you want to him. He’s tired. Tired of having to chase you when you were already his all this time.

He doesn’t know you feel the same way. That you’d kill yourself before killing him. So, you counter your rough kisses with your gentle touches along his rugged arms. You make your way to his buttons. You manage to pop two undone when you pull apart from him. Both your lips wet and swollen.

“You aren’t stopping me?”

With the way you’re looking at him and the way he’s looking at you, there’s no way either of you could really pull out of the lustful ambience. And Nanami’s thinking to himself— this was your wife and you haven’t thought of fucking her until now? Where the hell was your head this past year? Why hadn’t you ever come home on time?

The answer all laid upon this stupid job, but this stupid job got him in the position he was in now. And he’s always been logical— backing out on missions that involved higher tiered competition, making sure a bullet would bounce off a target a certain way to trick investigators— but if he needs to let loose and give up all inhibitions to spend this whole night with you, he will.

Who cares if your teams were probably biting each other’s head off at the moment?

You’re searching for an answer in his natural stony gaze before he abruptly moves to stand, causing you to fall backwards towards the hotel bed with an oomf. He’s towering over you with the slightest smug smile when he sees your flustered appearance taking in the muscular body that unfolds as he unbuttons the shirt.

“No. Should I?”

You shake your head no, enveloping your arms around his now bare neck. Please don’t ever, you want to say. Your lips crash again and there’s more of a soft passion to these kisses. He tries not to awe at the falling thin straps on your shoulders giving up so much skin, a lot more skin than he has ever got to see. And he merely thanks God that you’ve begun to unbuckle his pants because he could probably spend a little bit too long admiring your body.

You use this as a chance to turn him over so that you’re on top. Your lips meet his again as you grab his unsurprising large length and rush to put it inside you. You whine at the stretch and Nanami can’t help but feel a little bit pleased at the fact that you, whom is usually so calm and cold, unraveling before him.

“Kento.” You unintentionally whimper. You’re too occupied to be embarrassed as you grind and ride him. He’s taken aback by how hot and silky and wet you are. All for him?

“Fuck.” He’s not exactly holding back either. He’s groaning and grunting against the skin of your neck. Feeling you convulsing around him, he takes back his control as he fucks you through your first high that night.

You wake up to overlapping, obnoxious ringing sounds. You don’t have to look to know who’s calling you at this hour. It’s not like you want to answer anyway. There’s a ridiculously hot man in bed naked next to you.

“Are you going to answer?” His voice is gruff, raspy and you think you want to wake up to it every single fucking day. You throw your phone carelessly to the other end of the room, ignoring the sound it makes when it cracks and you lean over on top of him. The sunlight that’s breaking through the window hits your face so delicately, so gently. You’re beautiful, he wants to say. But he doesn’t, so you settle with the small smirk he has on.

“No. It’s nothing important,” you tell him before you indulge in more and more of whatever he can give you. And if that ends, you don’t really care— at least it started with Nanami Kento.