#anyway the first ones the Guess Whos Right Down The Block line

[midnightdemonhunter]

Yo girl, Meant to be yours, Dead girl walking.

[jhdyuiee]

blossom

wildflower - part 1 .

❁ blossom : a new beginning & growth .

❁ pairing: ex!jaehyun x fem!reader

❁ tags/warnings: angst, fluff, smut!, pregnancy, unprotected sex (flashback scene), multiple positions (doggy&missionary), oral (f), squirting, kissing/making out, nipple/breast play, hair-pulling, spanking, fingering, mentions of masturbation (m), pet-names (baby&darling), down-bad and groveling jaehyun (:0), cursing, mentions of drinking, time-skips, bittersweet ending

❁ w.c: 7.9k

❁ a.n: hi! you ask and i shall deliver, part 2 of wildflower! writing this one was so challenging because i was having major writers block, which ended up delaying it's release, aghh. anyways i tried pulling through, so stick until the bittersweet end <3 ! JOLO OUT IN 2 WEEKS (obsessed with roses, like jaehyun babe who hurt yuh?!) 🥃 . anyways love you all, stay safe & jiji out 🤍

“i'll never forget how stupid in love i felt. i'll always regret how i couldn't ever tell, that you walked a little faster, left me behind.”

“kissed me with somebody else in mind. i loved you so much that i settled for less.“

“oh, you were my everything… i was your second best.”

- laufey | “second best”

jaehyun’s pov.

“fuck, fuck, fuck,” i shouted as the door closed. i contemplated chasing after her, but something told me not to. how could’ve i been so fucking stupid? why did i think she would understand– no, this whole shit was impossible to understand.

i cheated and lied to her. there wasn’t going to be anything i could’ve done now to undo what i did. i did the worst thing a man could’ve done, and broke her, played with her innocent self. i could love for infinitely, but that still wouldn't have been enough to repair the damage. 

i looked down, remembering the gift she gave me right before leaving. this small gift bag held a massive weight. with trembling hands, i started unboxing it and pulled out a small velvet box.

no, this couldn’t be… now hurriedly i opened it. a silver colored ring, in the middle of the box. you fucking bastard, i thought. i really fucked up, really beyond repair.

i took the ring out. i noted the small stones around the band of the ring, my birthstone, amethyst.

my cheeks felt wet, only then did i realize i started crying. now i regret not chasing after her, spending the rest of my day apologizing to her, pleading with her. she took my happiness when she walked out that door, a part of me with her.

and for all i knew matters would only continue to get worse from here on out…

two lines.

there are two fucking lines on the stick…

“i’m pr-pregnant…” i muttered.

this couldn’t be happening, oh how i wished this was a dream— a nightmare i could wake up to right about now. but no, this is fucking reality.

well i guess that would explain why i was late and the nauseating feelings i kept having. however so i still hoped it would come out negative. it wasn’t that i didn’t want this child, it was just about whether or not i’d be up to live as a single mother.

i caressed my stomach, though still unnoticeable, how would this child be able to live? made without mutual love, and there was no denying this was a result of that night. the very same night before disaster struck.

did the birth control not work? i thought. no, impossible it’d always worked, but perhaps luck was truly never in my favor that day. it’d been about or over a month since that day and a lot has happened, my newly discovered pregnancy being one of those things.

as i walk outside my bathroom and into my bedroom, i gently sit on the edge of my bed as flashbacks of the past month flood my mind. first things first, that same week i began moving out with my shared apartment with yuna. we had a pretty heated argument, both sides equally hurt and betrayed. yet one thing i’d say we both saw eye-to-eye was how much of a scum he was. who knew a simple man would cause our friendship to fall apart.

anyhow, with that out the way i started making preparations to move out of not only that apartment but the city. luckily the move went smoothly thanks to a special someone.

mr.jeong.

it happened a day after my talk with yuna when i decided to talk to his father. i felt the need to come clean, confess to everything that went on. to my surprise, mr.jeong hadn’t yet heard of our breakup nor from his son. i expected mr.jeong to feel upset, or at least angry towards me but he didn’t. in fact he cursed at his idiotic son, sympathizing with me. the woman who entered a fake relationship and lied to him, nonetheless there was no denying mr.jeong’s genuine care and love towards me. he treated me as his family, the thought made my heart ache. i mean it was a silly thought as i’d never will become his family.

our talk lasted well around an hour before i decided to depart. i made the decision to tell mr.jeong that i’d be moving, in which he offered two things. one, to never tell that idiotic son of his where i’d gone to in case he asks. two, money.

i refused to take the money, but he insisted i take it since i’d just quit my cafe job. also adding how expensive getting a singular apartment would be for me. after much dispute… i ended up taking the money. he also added there was no need to repay him back, and that if i wanted to look at it as a i’m-sorry-for-my-idiotic-sons-foolishness recompense.

nonetheless i’m eternally grateful to mr.jeong. i mean without his help i probably wouldn't have been able to move into this apartment in a fairly quicker time as if i didn’t have the amount they asked for. once i settled in, i began job hunting.

just the other day i went in for an interview. i still awaited the call from the company, it was a publishing firm.

i plopped down onto my bed, absentmindedly staring at the ceiling. who knew the year would turn out so catastrophic for me. a whirlwind of thoughts flooded my mind which eventually led me to a deep slumber. the pregnancy sure to be the cause of my tiredness.

ring. ring. ring.

my eyes slowly fluttered open, trying to find the noise of the abrupt ringing. my phone's screen lights up, vibrating against the mattress. i reached a hand towards the device, not even bothering to look at who was calling me.

“hello? is this y/n?” a woman’s voice spoke.

slightly unconscious i answer, “y-yes, may i ask who’s this.”

“ah- nice to speak to you y/n, this i’m mrs.kang and i work for the publishing firm you applied for.”

oh, now i was fully awake. “woa- hello! nice to mee-speak to you ms.kang,” i stumbled on my words.

a slight chuckle arose from the other line, “yes, well i just wanted to tell you that… you’re in! congratulations, the company has decided to hire you!”

what! no way… it has to be a dream. i pinch myself, ow. okay not a dream. “wo-wow, thank you so much! w-when can i start!”

“next monday, if that’s alright with you,” she explained. “yes! that’s fine with me,” i almost immediately replied. “that’s great, see you on monday ms.l/n!”

i bid her farewell before hanging up. wow. my life is really seemingly picking up after all the bad luck. oh but now there was the baby to think about, i still haven’t called my clinic. “it’d be best to call them now,” i muttered. and so i did, my appointment was set for thursday.

i reach back for my stomach, a faint smile appeared on my face. “my little light,” i whisper into the empty bedroom.

i was keeping my baby, it didn’t matter whether i would be a good mother or not because this child was a little gift to me sent from the heavens above. my baby, not his. “you may not have a father, but that’s okay, my little light. i’ll make sure to give you both so you’ll never feel lonely. mommy loves you so much already.”

my little light. finding my way out the deepest depths of hell, you became my light who guided me to my new beginning. and for that you’re my little light. my savior.

jaehyun’s pov.

i drove into the driveway of my father’s residence, parking before finding myself knocking at his front door. he’d called me yesterday night, urging me to see him today. i wonder what he could’ve wanted. i wasn’t in the mood to see him today or come to my childhood home where memories of her existed.

it’s been over a month since we broke up and my life has been nothing but a shit show. i stare at my left hand, the sun's light reflecting on the piece of medal around my finger. her final gift, her parting gift; the ring found it’s home on my left ring finger. i’ve never taken it off once since that day that i put it on.

i can’t even count how many nights i spent crying, drinking, and cursing myself. y/n… her name hurt to say, verbally or not. sometimes it felt as though she was still there, waiting for me at my apartment, in my car, everywhere. she haunted me everyday, even when i slept.

she never answered or responded to any of my calls or texts, assuming she blocked my number.

the door swings open, and instead of being met with ms.kim i was met with an angered man, my father. “nice to you see you too,” i said when he didn’t offer to greet me first. strange, i thought. normally he’d be chatty but today he just walked, guiding me to his office. we took a seat across from each other on the leather couches he had in there.

silence filled the office before i decided to speak up. i cleared my throat, “so what’s wrong father.”

he huffed, “you’re no son of mine jaehyun.” i furrowed my brows, no son of mine?

he must’ve noticed my confusion because he then continued. “i know what you did, what you did to her. how could you!” he spoke, his words getting louder the more he continued.

shit.

”you think i wouldn’t find out? the poor girl came to me just the other day, a mess, yet nonetheless confessed to everything that was going on between the two of you,” he continued, my eyes widening more. she came over… she was here…

i clenched my fists. “i-is she alright? did she look okay?” i trashed question after question. my mind only thinking of her. he stayed quiet, not answering any of my questions. a beat or two passed before he continued speaking, “i mean really jaehyun… lying to her just to get back with that other woman?!”

fuck, looks like he knew everything. i sucked a breath in, “i-i didn’t mean to-” he cut me off, “mean to what!?” he shouts. “to fall in love with her. to break her. for any of this to happen,” i answered. my vision was beginning to blur. i faintly hear my father, tsk, before speaking.

“get ready jaehyun.”

i looked into his eyes for the first time since we entered his office. “f-for?” i asked, a gut feeling telling me it wasn’t for anything good. “i’m passing the company to you. i’ve been meaning to for a while now, and after all this mess you got yourself in you don’t exactly deserve it but i’m not getting any younger.”

my mouth fell open, then closed. no way he was asking me to take over the company… i wasn’t in any way, shape, or form prepared. heck i was still a mess from the break up.

“and i don’t care if you’re not prepared, a mess, or whatever excuse you have to offer me, you’re gonna take over and that’s final.”

there was no point arguing, when my father made a decision it was final. “alright,” i said, throwing my head back against the couch.

i hear as he gets up, resting my head back up. he pauses for a moment when he grabs the doorknob, turning to face me.

“and to answer your questions from earlier, she’s gone. y/n left jaehyun, she’s not coming back so you should give up. i mean it’s not like she’s going to take you back after everything you put her through.”

my heart dropped, my eyes blurring again. she-she’s gone? y/n, my y/n? no, no… this wasn’t supposed to happen. and so before i could further inquiry my father any further, he opened the door and walked out.

he left me all alone in his office space, me and my thoughts. my gaze drops down to the ring, where a single tear drop landed.

7 months later.

“ow,” you muttered. you bring a hand to your stomach, feeling the tiny kicks of the little human inside you. “i might as well sign you up for soccer,” i say, feeling another kick that causes me to chuckle. perhaps that was my sign that my little light was up for playing the sport.

for the past 7 months since i found out i was pregnant it’s been… a lot. it was hard being alone, but as time quickly passed i started getting the hang of it. i wished i had someone to go to, but my parents were long gone. i never really had a family to call my own, except now for this little human.

ever since my stomach started showing i’ve been working at home, the company was surprisingly pretty insistent about taking a maternity leave, but i still needed a way to make money. the workload wasn’t a lot, in fact i was only assigned with editing reports. nonetheless the pay was still great.

in fact, next month was going to be my last month working as the date for my birth approached, i needed to take the time off. in the 7 months too, my memory and thoughts of him dissipated. i was doing better, i could feel it. it wasn’t just for me, but for my baby too. i didn’t want my child to be upset with me.

as i got up to go use the restroom i heard the faint ringtone of my phone. i sighed as i looked at the caller id. “and what do i owe you the pleasure of, jungwoo?”

kim jungwoo. my co-worker and newly found best friend. he was the only one by my side and the only one i’ve spoken to about everything that’s happened. shock would be an understatement of his reaction, but nevertheless he still stuck by my side… annoyingly so.

“is that really a way to greet your bestest friend!? i’m very offended y/l/n, after all that trouble of going to get you those midnight cravings,” he says, falsely sobbing into the phone. though he couldn’t see, i rolled my eyes. this guy, i swear.

“oh my, i’m sorry your majesty. please forgive my behavior just now,” i replied. “you are forgiven,” he says back. “but… really jungwoo, why’d you call?”

“nothing much, just… open the door and you’ll find out,” he says. i do as he instructed, slowly walking to my door.

you open it, revealing jungwoo with a carry-out bag in hand. was it unusual to say you developed a keen sense of smell since your pregnancy? well because it smelled like he brought over fried chicken.

“uhm… can you maybe drool later, and let me in now so we could dig in,” he says, standing frozen. i snap out of my hungry state, moving aside to let him in.

we walk to my dining table, sitting across from one another. jungwoo does all the unpacking whilst i watch with prying eyes as he takes the food out and opens it. “dig in,” he announces. i wasted no time, grabbing the chicken and stuffing it into my mouth. i let out a satisfied groan, the chicken tasting so damn good.

you being too engulfed with that damn delicious fried chicken, failed to notice as jungwoo turns on the television. “come back before i finish everything,” you warn him. he lets go of the remote, stopping at some random channel. well the television was the least of your worries right now.

“how’s she doing,” jungwoo speaks up, eyeing my stomach. “i’m thinking of signing her up for soccer when she’s straight out of the womb, little girl can kick,” i replied, earning me a laugh from jungwoo.

a couple months back, my doctor told me the gender of my little light. a girl, my baby girl. i didn’t partially care what the gender was going to be, but nonetheless i was still ecstatic about the revelation. having a baby girl meant i would be able to dress her up, so cute like a little doll.

“jeong jaehyun.”

i whip my head to the television at the mention of that name. my eyes widened, dropping the food from my hand.

“n corps newest ceo is the first to accomplish acquiring various kinds of subsidiaries in such a short amount of time– ranging from luxury brands to flower shops,” the female reporter says as they display a picture of the man.

i squint my eyes, focusing them solely on his left hand. i hoped my eyes weren’t deceiving me because… is that the ring i gave him. no… no, my mind and eyes had to have been playing tricks on me because why on earth would he wear, better yet still have the ring.

“is that him,” jungwoo speaks up, interrupting my thoughts. i turn back around, my mood suddenly plummeting. i don't say anything, just nodding my head to indicate that the man who just appeared was the same man i spoke of.

and so for the rest of dinner we ate in silence, minor talk appearing but jungwoo would always be the one initiating it. i was too lost, going down a rabbit hole about him.

when we finished eating, jungwoo insisted on cleaning up– he even took the garbage with him as he left. i walked him to my door, bidding him goodbye. when he was gone, i headed to the bathroom, a shower was very much needed.

plopping onto my bed, i stare at the ceiling. my thoughts on, jaehyun. a familiar ache appeared in my heart, i thought i was over him but it seems i might be far from it. “i guess mommy isn’t all that strong, huh little one,” i whisper as i reach my hands over my stomach.

you’re not sure what came over you that night, that news report igniting your lost feelings. and so in the midst of your thoughts, you somehow drifted off into a deep slumber.

an interesting one, per say. not only for you but for the other party involved as well…

✧˖°ʚ ❁ ɞ♡

jaehyun crashes his lips to mine, eloping me into a deep and passionate kiss. his tongue slides along my bottom lip, begging for entry in which i grant him.

our tongues fighting one another, and teeth occasionally clashing. my mind began to fog, but i refused to stop. i could feel his love with every kiss.

“strip,” he says in a sultry tone. i felt the air getting hot.

grabbing the hem of my top, i pulled it over my head, and then followed my shorts. i left myself in my lace panties and bra, jaehyun licking his lips in delight.

reaching his hand over, he gropes my tits which earned him a breathy moan of his name.

reaching his hands to the back, he swiftly unhooks my bra, letting it fall beneath me. he groans, admiring the way my tits were on full display. “so fucking beautiful,” he says, taking his mouth over one of my nipples.

he sucks on it, and eventually bites down on the bud. i bite my bottom lip, not wanting to yell out loud.

i look down at him, his eyes staring back at mine as he practically makes out with one of my tits. i could feel one of his hands slides down my back at a slow pace, leaving a burning trail behind.

“you want me to touch you, baby?” he asks as he fondles your ass, sending a small slap across the flesh of skin. “y-yes,” you moan.

“tell me baby, where.” his voice so deep, his head coming up to peck my lips. i nearly melted, “yo-you know.” i take an unoccupied hand of his to my sex, making him palm it. “my pussy needs you,” i whisper as i leaned into his ear.

jaehyun’s lips twitch up, kissing you hard one last time before he begins to go down on his knees. he places his hands to the waistband of your panties, dragging them down your legs. “open up for me,” he says, and i begin opening my legs up. he drags his fingers to collect the slick that began dripping down my thigh.

kiss after kiss, bite after bite along my thighs. reaching a hand to his hair, i grip it. and when he finally reaches my cunt, i become a whimpering mess. his hands gripped my thighs, holding me in place as his tongue darted out.

a slow tantalizing lick, and then another. i jerk my hips forward, wanting more friction. i feel as jaehyun stops his licks. “don’t move, or else i won’t let you cum darling.” his warning was clear, i stayed still.

and so he continues, but instead of licks he sucks on my clit. along with using the tip of his tongue to tease the poor bud, before finishing off with a bite. “j-jaehyun!” i yelled when i felt his teeth on my clit.

letting go with a pop, i watch as he licks his lips before diving back in. his licks faster than when he first started, and before i knew it he brought his fingers into the mix. one of his fingers entering you, then two, both knuckle deep inside you. it wasn’t until after he pecked your clit that he began thrusting them inside you.

in and out, out and in. your gummy walls clenching around his digits as they quickly thrusted into you. you feel the stretch of your walls as he opens them, like scissors. the constant chant of his name was such a melody to his ears, urging him to do more.

you felt yourself getting closer to your release as he continued his ministrations on your pussy. he must’ve felt the way you clenched around his fingers, “close?” he asks. “y-yes, m-my cl-clit!”

jaehyun got the message as he attached his mouth onto your clit. with both his mouth and hands working themselves on you at the same time, it felt like you could cum at any moment. with one suck to your clit and his fingers plummeting in you, you gushed out. a stream of liquid coming out of you, splattering all over his arm. it wasn’t the first time you’ve squirted but nonetheless you still felt shy, hot all over.

jaehyun gets back up, watching you as you watched him lick your essence off his arm and hand. “so delicious, a delicacy that you are baby.”

you could almost cum again from those simple words. as you try regaining your breath jaehyun brings his lips to your ear. “on the bed, all fours,” he whispers. a shiver runs down your spine, his sex-dazed voice was one of your favorite things in the whole world.

without wasting another second you head towards his bedroom, onto his bed with hands and knees on the mattress. your ass up, on full display. slap. you jerk forward from the sudden movement.

and another one on the other cheek. you turn your head around, a naked jaehyun behind you in all his glory. his hard, thick cock reaching his stomach. you could see the glisten of his pre-cum. you feel his hardened member rub against your slit, both your essences blending with one another.

then he places a hand on your hips, while the other holds his cock so he could slide it into your aching hole. his cock slowly stretches you out, walls wrapping snuggly around it. you could hear jaehyun’s groans the deeper he goes in. when he’s all in, he kisses your exposed nape before going absolutely mad.

jaehyun was an absolute madman when it came to having sex. when he was balls deep inside you, he felt like he’d gone into another dimension; another world. you are quite literally the most perfect thing in this world, you were made for him.

your mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape when you feel his tip kissing your womb, tongue hanging out when he grabs some of your hair to pull you against his chest. you didn’t know if it was even possible for his dick to reach you even deeper, but it must’ve because this angle allowed for him to reach places that have never been touched before.

it wasn’t long before you ended up cumming on his cock, jaehyun following suit after a couple more thrusts. feeding your womb his seeds, which eventually dripped out of you as slides his cock out. you slump onto the mattress, too tired, body giving up.

on the other hand, there was something so hot about watching his cum drip out of your pussy. it turned him on, his cock beginning to harden again. his hands reached your body, turning you the other way so your back was against the mattress. you looked so fucked, he loved it.

“ready for round two?” he says, not even waiting for your answer before he intrudes back into your hole. fucking his cum back into your pussy. his hands, finding yours as he interlocks his fingers with yours. your watery eyes, low chants of his name, the clenching of your walls and fingers, the way your mouth falls open, and your tongue lolling out. fuck. it was the perfect sight.

“god, i love you,” jaehyun groans as he thrusted into you.

there was no stopping him now, he was going at an insane pace. the sounds of skin slapping, his balls on your ass, and the squelching sounds of you both echoed in the room.

letting go of one of the interlaced fingers, he brings his hand to your clit. the poor swollen bud victim to his ministrations again. he used his thumb to rub the bundle of nerves, you clench tighter around him. your own orgasm not too far away.

“k-kiss me!” you yelled. jaehyun wasted no time bringing his lips onto yours. it was sloppy but you didn’t care, you loved the way it felt.

you moaned into the kiss, as you finally came for the third time tonight. taking his lips from your mouth, he puts them on an exposed section of your neck, sucking on it as he came.

filling you up for a second time tonight, you felt the warmth inside your womb. you wondered whether you could get pregnant after tonight. having his babies, becoming parents, getting married— a dream.

both of you crash onto his bed, not bothering to clean up for now. both too tied, and unable to get up. he kisses your hair, whispering sweet nothings and lulls you to sleep. you and jaehyun peacefully sleeping in each other’s arms for the night.

jaehyun’s pov.

fuck. what the fuck.

jaehyun jumps up from his bed. too shocked, unable to comprehend what just happened. he doesn’t mutter anything, he just goes into his bathroom and turns on the shower.

stepping into the cold water, he faces the tile walls. his throbbing erection the least of his worries right now.

“wh-why… why did i have a dream about that night, the night before we-we-“ he mutters, the water dripping down his body.

jaehyun didn’t know why he dreamt about you, the steamy night that unfolded a week prior to the break-up.

yeah, he’d get off to past memories of you but never a full on dream. he didn’t know what to do, to think, to say, to anything.

and he couldn’t even being himself to sleep again, so he showered in the cold. it’s been 7 months, the pain still not gone. he misses you tremendously every single day.

he stares at the ring that still stayed on his finger, clenching his hand as he wants to punch the wall in front of him.

“y/n…”

2 months later.

december 14. the day my little star was born.

she was born healthy, no complications. and luckily i was fine as well. it was excruciating pain but knowing she was close to being brought into this world made such pain disappear.

in fact, today we were scheduled to leave and i couldn’t wait to just go home. my home wouldn’t feel so empty anymore, the thought made me smile.

d/n (daughter name) was currently being breastfed, her eyes shut and wrapped like a burrito. she was the most beautiful baby, though she does look quite a lot like her daddy.

i sigh, throwing my head against the pillow. and before i could fully relax after various sleepless nights, there was a knock to my hospital door. the knock causing me to jerk my head towards the door.

“come in,” i said loud enough so the person on the other side could hear, and low enough so it wouldn’t frighten my baby as she was fast asleep.

i thought it was just some nurse coming in to check in before i left but it wasn’t, far from it. my eyes widened. the person also stopping in their trace when they noticed me.

“y/n…” the feminine voice speaks.

my mouth falls open, “m-ms.kim?!”

what was she doing here? why- wait… kim jungwoo, kim… oh my god. the pieces clicked together, she was the person jungwoo promised to call.

just last night jungwoo called me, apologizing over and over again for being unable to take me back home. i do remember him telling me that he’d find someone else, but… who knew it’d be his mother, ms.kim!

we both stayed frozen. neither speaking, you could probably even hear our breaths. however, the cries of a baby erupted into the room. the cries bringing us back to reality.

i look at d/n, swaying her gently in my arms. her wails didn’t stop though. “c-can i?” ms.kim asks. i look up, nodding my head, handing her my daughter. it was almost intriguing how fast d/n calmed down, falling back asleep in ms.kim’s arms. she takes a closer look at the baby in her arms, “she’s adorable, such chubby cheeks.”

i admire the scene in front of me, when was the last time i saw her? i thought. does she still work for them? countless questions wondered in my head until she spoke again. “she looks just like him,” she says softly. i almost froze, eyes widening. i never told her who the father was, but then again my baby does look a lot like her dad. then considering ms.kim had been with the jeong’s since he was born, she must’ve seen how he looked as a baby.

“d-does she,” i say at a loss. she nods, “i’ve been with them since he was still in the womb, and watched him grow, so i can guarantee you they’re daughter and father.” when i didn’t speak she spoke again, “i probably shouldn’t be bringing him up… i- mr.jeong told me. he explained to me what happened when i asked why you weren’t coming over anymore, and well… i’m sorry.”

wait… why- why is she apologizing. i stopped her immediately, “n-no, you-you have nothing to do with what happened, why are you apologizing?!”

“i raised him after,” she answered. i shook my head, “no, please don’t apologize. you and mr.jeong played no part in what unraveled between me and him, nor do or will i blame either of you.”

she faintly smiles, “you’re too kind, y/n. in all honesty, i thought i would never see you again but yet here you are, you even befriended my son.” i giggled a little at the thought of jungwoo, “he sure is something else, but i’ll be eternally grateful to him.”

we continued our conversation for a while longer before a nurse came in to give me the okay to leave today. i did and completed the necessary things so i could go home, ms.kim helped me. and after a couple hours we were finally out of the hospital with d/n in the car seat ms.kim brought along. she said jungwoo got it for me, as a congrats-on-giving-birth gift.

ms.kim drove, while i stayed in the back with d/n, arriving at my home a while later. we spent the rest of the evening there, ms.kim preparing dinner. whilst she was doing that, jungwoo got off work and came over. he was overly excited to see d/n, shunning me and his own mother out.

when the food was ready, i put a sleeping d/n in the crib i placed in the living room. then i headed back to the dining table, sitting down and for the first time enjoying a homely meal. it was so good, i started crying. when was the last time i felt at peace? when i felt complete? jungwoo nor ms.kim said anything, letting me have a moment.

my home was finally warm and cozy, my new life begun today. my little light radiating throughout my- our home.

4 months later.

i sighed, pushing the stroller of my 4 month-old child along the park. the cold winter weather was gone, and the flowers were in full bloom again. we came for a stroll at our local park, i was in need of a refresher.

it’s been a month since i began working again, and things were going great until a couple days ago when i was informed of a new task. the ol’ mighty task being… interviewing… jeong jaehyun. with the rise of n corps, my company was in desperation to get an interview with him. and if matters couldn’t get any worse, our main interviewer broke their leg a couple days ago, so they decided to assign me with the job. well, they gave me until the end of the week to decide whether i was up for it but… come on, me?!

no way, there was no way i was going to-

“y/n?” a voice shouts. the voice sounding familiar, i turn around without any second thoughts. though now i wished i hadn’t turned around at all, that i had simply ignored the call of my name.

i froze. “j-jaehyun,” i said in a voice that was only loud enough for him to hear. what was he doing here… he shouldn’t be here… no… no wh- “it really is you…” he says, interrupting my thoughts. he walks closer, my eyes beginning to blur. “baby,” he says gently. my stomach churns, in a bad way at the use of the word.

“d-don’t ca-call me t-that!” i say, my voice distorted. i was probably trembling as he walked closer. he stopped in his tracks when the cries of a baby erupted.

shit.

he stops, his eyes focusing from me to the strolling behind me. i instinctively blocked her, hiding her from his view even though it was too late now.

it seems it didn't take long for jaehyun to connect two-and-two together. “i-is that my- our child,” he says in an astonished tone. at least he wasn’t such an idiot, i’ll give him that.

i shook my head, “no, you’re wrong. she’s mine, she doesn’t need you.” i wasn’t going to deny that he was the dad but that didn’t mean i’d consider him as her father.

jaehyun drops to his knees in front of me. his sobs getting louder as he cried. my heart ached at the sight, but then remembered why we were even here in the first place. i turn back, my grip tightening around the stroller’s handles.

i begin walking away, stopping briefly. “you should’ve moved on the day i left the hotel. we are strangers jaehyun, remember that.” he looks up, tears staining his face. i noticed a shine from his finger, it came from the ring around his left hand. i immediately identified it as the ring i had gotten him for his birthday. 

“w-will i truly never see you again, see her again,” he says, trying to regain his composure. i don’t reply back, leaving him in that park.

on the walk home i made up my mind… i was going through with the interview.

✧˖°ʚ ❁ ɞ♡

i was sat, waiting for jaehyun to arrive. our meeting location was chosen to be at a restaurant, where we were designated with our own room for privacy reasons. honestly, i could care less about the interview. 3 days had passed since our reunion, and i felt that there was still much left to be discussed, so what better way than to talk about it here.

the door slid open, jaehyun stiffened. his mouth falling open, “w-what-” i interrupted him before he could continue. “surprise,” i sarcastically said. he looked out to check if he was in the right room, only to be reassured he was. jaehyun sits down, his head down, not daring to look up. i could tell he was keeping his guard up around me.

i softly sighed, “the person who was set to interview you, broke their leg so they put me as their replacement.” i felt it was only right to explain the situation since i’m sure he was wondering what i was doing here.

when he stayed quiet i continued, “and for the record i accepted it only because i felt that we needed to have a deep talk about everything. let’s put aside the interview for now jaehyun.”

he finally looked up, his eyes meeting mine. “w-where is she?” he asks, stumbling on his words. “she? oh! d/n is with ms.kim. you probably don’t know but ms.kim offered to look after her while i worked,” i explained. it was the truth, ms.kim, since the time i began working again took care of d/n. she argued she’d find a way around working with mr.jeong and babysitting.

however it seems jaehyun was oblivious to this. “m-ms.kim,” he whispers, in which i respond with a nod. “that’s where she’d gone,” he continued. “what do you mean?” i asked.

“well, my father briefly explained that she’d gotten a job somewhere else so she wouldn’t be able to work from certain hours,” he answered. so that’s what she told them, i thought. “mmm, speaking of your father… how is he?”

“i guess he’s alright. the old man and me aren’t doing so well, so it’s hard to say…” he says, stopping briefly to take a sip of his water that was placed there by the waiter before he even arrived. “ever since you left, he got pretty upset with me. he forced me into the family company, didn’t even wanna consider me his son. i mean it didn’t matter to me, i deserved it after all.”

i stayed quiet, not knowing what to say at his revelation. “s-so, tell me about her. please, y/n,” jaehyun pleads. i give it some thought before sighing.

“her name is d/l/n. she was born on december 14th. i found out i was pregnant around a month after that day. she was all i had left so i decided to keep her. and god was that the best decision i’ve ever made. yeah, those 9 months were sometimes hell, but i managed. i was scared of being a single mother, but hey look at where i am today,” i explained. his features softened as i continued explaining my past year.

and when i finished he asked, “won’t you let me see her?” i ponder, “i wish, i want to… but, i-i’m not sure if i can trust you yet jaehyun.” “and why is that?” he asks. “b-because of what you did. you broke me completely, crushed up all faith and trust i had for you.”

“t-then give me a second chance,” jaehyun declares. you look at him astonished at his declaration. “w-what do you mean?”

“give me a second chance to prove to you and d/n i can be trusted. i’ll make up for lost time, i’ll love her triple, no infinitely more. please, just please… we don’t even have to go into it thinking we might get together, i-i just want to see my baby girl.”

his voice was getting weaker, practically pleading with me. a second chance, huh. i took my time to think about it, would letting him into out lives be the right choice? i was gambling here, but nonetheless i made my decision.

“f-fine. you better prove yourself worth forgiving, jeong jaehyun.” his face almost lit up, “th-thank you! i most definitely will, i’ll prove to you both. i won’t make the same foolish mistakes. i’ll love d/n, i’ll love you,” he says. i’ll love you. the phrase brought something out of me, touched my heart per say. 

and so after an overdue talk, we cleared up our misunderstandings. we agreed on co-parenting, among other things. the interview then proceeded as planned, and once that was out the way he drove me home. i offered to invite him in, in which he gladly accepted.

ms.kim was shocked to see him show up, confused even but i briefly told her i’d explain it later. d/n was awake, and when i introduced her to jaehyun it was like the most sentimental scene. he cried, heck i probably did too. even more shockingly, d/n warmed up to jaehyun faster than i expected.

it felt like we’d finally become a family, like we could finally live happily ever after. and although i knew the journey was far from being over, i was willing to test the waters. if in the near future jaehyun and i ever get together then we get together, and if we don’t then we don’t.

whatever the future had in store for us, we’d face it once it came. but until then this new life that has bloomed for us like the flowers, will be lived with one another by each other's side.

“you’re my dandelion.”

© jhdyuiee

2024. 08. 18

final a.n: woohoo, we're at the end! writing part 2 like i mentioned was a hassle since i was having writers block, worst feeling ever! on top of that i started school again :(( . not the best couple of weeks but i managed to get this done in a week, nevertheless i really hope you all can enjoy it. thank you for your continued love and support, i truly cannot thank you enough for everything! that being said, i will be taking this upcoming week off, and will hopefully be back to uploading for the last week of august. i love you all berry much! please look forward to jaehyun's solo, JOLO, on august 26! thank you&i love you, jiji signing off 🤍

[chloryn]

anyway if no one else will i guess it has to be me!!

klaus hc’s : the situationship edition

part one

content warning;; klaus x reader, klaus with he/they pronouns, female reader, friends to friends who have sex ?, unexpected boners, sexualization without knowledge, guilty conscience (for a minute), oral sex, 90% not canon, mostly just self indulgent writing

a/n;; there’s simply going to have to be a part two, i tried to get all my thoughts out and i couldn’t. it’s three a.m. and i got out what i could.

- it’s his fault truly, i feel like he is such a romantic

- friends first, you’d meet in the evening, at a record store maybe right before closing, or maybe in a café

- when it comes down to people asking about how you met neither of you have the same answer, always the same line

- “we’ve known each other forever”

- late night phone calls to soothe each other

- klaus would be the first to ask you to come over past the usual “hang out” hours

- “i’ve really tried everything y/n, even the hour long meditation cd”

- “please just come over and sit with me?”

- “i’m bored to death” (he’s literally immortal)

- you agree, you’re only a few blocks away from the academy anyway and besides, you couldn’t sleep either

- klaus would meet you halfway and walk you back, he hates the idea of you outside, alone, in the dark.

- definitely the first time you’ve had a good look around their room, you’d only been in it a handful of times and only for a moment or two

- klaus is a messy kind of organized, but it feels so much like him

- his bed sheets are burnt orange, and their duvet is a dark blue, there’s tons of pillows and fuzzy throws littered on the bed. it feels cozy.

- his nightstand is the cleanest thing surrounding you, an incense burner, a pack of old cigarettes, a bottle of high dollar whiskey, and some jewelry strewn around.

- it smells like the night in his room, one window cracked to let in a breeze, a soft candle burning with the scent of pine, and the scent of him causing you to feel oh so comfortable

- for a moment you question why you hadn’t spent more time with them here, why you wouldn’t want to experience such a private part of your best friends life

- but that was it exactly, this was too private

- but klaus felt better, he felt so much safer with you around, with people around in general but when he had called you he knew he wanted you specifically

- he wasn’t completely honest with you about why he couldn’t sleep or what was bothering him, he didn’t want you to know his past or what kept him up at night

- he was lucky enough to have convinced ben to let him have alone time with you, as he wasn’t sure he could keep up that charade much longer without at least claiming to be delusional

- nothing happens the first time you stay over, or the second, or third even

- the weirdest thing to happen is the morning after, at least the first time he walked you out you wore your own clothes

- by the the third “sleepover” you had strolled into the kitchen, one of their sleep shirts and a pair of boxers you prayed passed as shorts thrown on

- you had only been caught by diego and five, both of which seemed to have been in shock and blubbering, obviously a little disappointed in your decisions by the looks they gave

- you knew it looked strange, you weren’t completely oblivious. the real problem was that you expected klaus to be more conscious of what they were thinking. he wasn’t.

- after your third night over in less than two weeks ben broke the news to klaus, everyone in the house, including him honestly, thought you two were hardcore banging. maybe even more since you were sleeping over and wearing his clothes out.

- klaus was APPALLED.

- they literally had no clue what to say, he was slightly embarrassed but also he didn’t completely mind, it was obvious you two were just close friends

- the next time though he was outside your front door when they called.

- “hey”

- he was too nervous someone would embarrass you, what if you were to find out about what everyone was thinking. his house was super off limits right now.

- he figured you’d be more than happy to sleep in your bed anyway.. and maybe they wanted to snoop a little

- you guys spent such little time at your house

- the reality of it was a horrified expression and profuse apologies, you didn’t have nearly as much space or even an excuse to why your house wasn’t as tidy as you wanted it

- you let him in, walking the both of you back towards your bedroom after noting a couch is no place for a sleepover

- deja vu

- klaus would examine all your trinkets, take note of how everything smelled of you, he truly felt so calm

- “y/n?”

- as if it couldn’t get worse, he pulls out your vibrator from beneath the blanket where he sat. snickering, his ears turning a light pink.

-face flushed you would take it from him, scrambling to put it in your bedside drawer

- it finally clicks, he gets it, he knows why everyone thinks you two are at least messing around. because for the first time, he has a painfully hard cock, and it’s just the idea of you touching yourself in the same spot he’s lounging about on

- he tries so hard to play it cool, covering himself with a blanket, using his hand to gently push it down before you notice

- “you wanna do a movie tonight?”

- “ooo of course!”

- you’d beg him to watch a slasher, and as per usual he’d give in, even though he hates them passionately

- comfy clothes, and popcorn with m&ms mixed in, and sugary sweet drinks to pair with

- “pleaseeee” he’d give into your crocodile tears, giving up his clothes to please you

- turning around so one another can change clothes, covering your eyes with your hands

- shirtless klaus

- after his first *ahem* problem, it would only get worse. you’d hide your face in his chest during the jump scares or when things would get eerie, tucking your arms around his torso

- only wearing a pair of thin pajama pants, opting out of the boxers he had so kindly given to you to wear as shorts yet again, even though your entire closet was mere feet away

- he can feel the curve of your breasts against his arm, and your legs slightly intertwined with his and it may actually give him a heart attack

- god it made him feel so guilty, to know you trusted him with so much of you, your life. just for him to be sitting here, in your bed, sexualizing you while you were just trying to hang out

- he tried everything to make it stop, even thinking of how ben would scold him if he were here

- you probably had a quarter of the movie left when your balance would betray you, accidentally slipping and grazing your forearm against his dick

- both of you bolting up. a mixture of shock and embarrassment across your faces

- your thighs clench ever so slightly at the thought of his arousal being over you, tension fogging your brain

- “y/n i’m so sorry”

-“fuck”

- “i don’t know what’s going on with me tonight”

- cue klaus clambering to get up, but you ushering them back down

- “what if.. we just tried it?”

- “maybe we’re just horny, it’s not a big deal”

- soft kisses, wide eyes

- pulling down his pants, his head slightly purple with pre cum leaking, smearing on his happy trail

- “are you okay with this?”

- “you’re allowed to say no”

- slowly kissing up their thighs, licking and kissing up the shaft, suckling hickies onto their lower belly

- SO so sensitive

- “ahh, st-stop”

- “i- i’m not joking, please- please i’ll cum-“

- smooth about the transition, slipping off their pants and straddling you ever so slightly to slide his hands under his your shirt, nudging your breasts further into their hands, whimpering when their fingers wrap around and twist your pebbled nipples

- “you sound so pretty”

- “fuck, are you sure?” “you’re okay with this?” “tell me if you wanna stop, okay?”

- with your consent he slowly tugs on the waistband of his boxers that rest on your hips, letting your shirt fall back down, he may be fully naked and bare but he doesn’t wanna push you to hard

- he waits for your little nod of approval before hooking his fingers, and sliding them down your soft legs

- klaus has seen bare skin before, he’s seen people who had their cocks leaking for him, or their pussy glistening and puffy waiting for him, but he’d never seen anything that compared to you

- the way you were dripping, pussy swollen and visibly aching, clit prominent and perked up, over him, if there was a heaven waiting for him he was sure he’d found it

- he’d start slow, flattening his tongue, lapping all the way up, moaning every time the taste of you hit his tongue, until he got greedy, swirling his tongue around your clit, sucking and teasing, reaching his free hand under your shirt again to palm your tits

- messy and a bit uncoordinated, bucking your hips ever so slightly as your climax approached

-pulling his hands back and wrapping his arms around your thighs to hold you still

- “‘m gonna cum, please, oh god”

- “i’m right there please honey, please”

- the endearment, that’s what would send him over the edge, he’d replay the sweetness of it in your voice over and over coming untouched, moaning and crumbling all while still pulling you closer to your orgasm

- following your orgasm till the very end, letting you guide him through, he’d speed up and slow down for as long as it took as long as he knew he was giving you a complete experience

- nuzzling and lapping up your sap

- “you’re so sweet” “so divine”

- he’d be so exhausted after, but he’d want you to have everything you needed

- “can i get you anything?” “i’ll grab you some water” “let’s clean up, i’ll help you”

- after he was sure you were well taken care of and comfortable, he’d ask you to lay with him. to soak up the afterglow of it all.

- he’d never had this kind of erotic experience before but he knew he may never have it again so he wanted to savor it. and potentially attempt to make it so good you wanted it to be a regular occurrence.

- he would give you the option of him leaving or staying, the sleepover boundary had officially been crossed creating a whole slew of new possibilities

- “stay, please”

- cuddling while sleeping was like a whole new kind of intimacy for him. the way your hair tickled his nose, being able to hear your steady breaths.

- bonus content: ben appearing at an ungodly hour to make sure klaus is okay, and realizing not only would he have to live with his nosey decision, but also with the fact that he couldn’t tell anyone what he knew.

[theautisticwriter]

Love Letters: Yandere! Helluva Boss characters X G/N Reader

Characters- Blitzø, Moxxie, Millie, Loona, Stolas, Asmodeus, Fizzarolli

Show- Helluva Boss

Genre- romantic, yandere

Summary- Mini love letters from your not so secret stalkers admirers!

Warnings- swearing, pet names, yandere themes, mentions of planned kidnapping, stalking, delusional characters, unwanted attention

Word count- 1.5K

Extra notes- I have a Hazbin Hotel version of this uploaded as well!

key: f/l = first letter of your name, y/n = your name, n/n = your nickname

———————————————————

By this point you know who it is y/n, I’m the only person COOL enough to send u romantic as fuck letters like the old people do

Sorry for eating the food u made last night, when i was raiding ur fridge it looked so fucking good (and it was, who knew u could cook :P). i left u a pony as a replacement, u can’t eat it but it’ll make u think of me ;) and that pony cost me a FUCK ton of money, collectors addition and shit. i know, bad fucking ass right??

the stupid shitty loud alarm u installed didn’t work when i came in, ud be much safer with me and loony. that’s the plan anyways babe, u have NO idea the fucking creeps that live down here, they’re all fucking animals and ur…not, a fucking asshole i guess.

i drew you smth (it’s the thing stuck on the back of the envelope with the glitter glu)

^glue

it’s me and u holding hands, like other couples do. we’re better than those corny fuckers tho, hence the crowns on our heads.

ignoring my texts, BLOCKING ME (still upset about this BY THE WAY) and then ignoring my very nice letters is kinda a dick move f/l, but it’s whatevs. everything is almost ready for ur move in. i cleaned up n everything :D

from the only bitch worth ur time,

blitzø

&lt;3 (ignore that, moxxie threw a gun at me and my hand slipped, might fire him)

———————————————————

Hiya sweet cheeks!!!

It’s Mills here, just checking in! Via letter! Ain’t that just the fanciest little thing? Mox said it’s the best way to show thought and care to someone, so here’s all my thoughts and care, just for you!

How’ve you been? Good I hope, I’ve been just peachy thanks for asking! My Ma and Pa are super excited to meet ya one day, they’ve even started planning the wedding! Now I told them to slow their horses down, and not the overwhelm ya, we’ll get to that don’t you worry darlin.

Im just so excited to write this letter for you! Ain’t it so romantic?? I’m practically squealing in delight at the thought of you opening this and swoonin’, that’s what you’re doing, right?

Now i’m writing this on my break, and my boss really needs me back in the game! I got employ of the month! Most amount of kills, with the best and bloodiest results baby!

Until next time sweetheart,

Your Mills! ♡

———————————————————

Hi y/n,

It’s Moxxie here, I was a little nervous to send this letter to you, but I always try to follow my heart, and my heart was telling me to communicate with you in the most romantic way I know how due to our current circumstances of being so far away. It’s hard, for the both of us i’m sure, but we’ll be okay y/n.

As much as I don’t get along with my father, he has been helpful with my preparations for your arrival. It’s a big deal, moving in together. I’m sure your anxious, I am too, but in the best way possible. Love is pure, and can make somebody feel whole, it’s a wonderful feeling. I never want that to be taken away from me, and you are the source of all my love. That’s why we need to be together, being only half a demon isn’t good for the soul.

We can do lots of fun things together as well, like go to the opera, or to musicals, or I can show you my shooting skills. My boss says that I have a pretty good shot, which is the biggest compliment he’s ever given me. And we can do things you like too, marriage is equal of course. Obviously, this will all happen later done the line, you’ll need time to adjust, and I understand that. I understand you.

I’m running out of room on my page, but I will write to you again tomorrow. Please respond? Just once, y/n? It’d be nice, to hold something from you since I can’t hold you yet.

All my love,

Your Moxxie <3

———————————————————

Uh, hi?

Wait, you don’t put ‘uh’ in letters do you? Or put wait whilst you think, fuck shit fuck

Sorry, I’m new to this. Normally I just send a text to people but, your phone is off at the moment I think? Or you lost it? Or you blocked me?

Either way, I’ll send you these stupid letter things until it’s back on. So, uh, what are you up to? Blitz has been up my ass about meeting you, heads up, when I come get you and bring you to our room he’s gonna go all psycho dad mode and integrate you, but he’ll back off after a while. He’s a dick sure, but he does want me to be happy. And your, likeable or whatever, so i’m sure you’ll get along.

Once you get comfortable at home with me, Blitz said you could work with me at I.M.P. You’ll be like the co-secretary or something. You won’t be put in danger, I won’t let that happen, you’ll just get to sit with me. We can watch things together, if you wanted.

I guess i’ll see you soon, how do you end these?

See you,

Love from,

Regards?

Bye y/n,

Loona.

———————————————————

My dearest y/n,

I hope this letter finds you well. I yearn for your presence here, besides me. It’s quite lonely without you, I will admit my dear. It would be oh so wonderful if you could write back. I understand you may be preoccupied with your current activities, but I can’t help myself from desiring a response. I know, it’s selfish of me to expect you to reply to my letters when you’ll be here with me shortly, but I can’t keep my thoughts at bay at the moment.

Your face is a constant in my mind, night and day, asleep and awake, your voice in my mind calms me when I need it most, your smile brightens the bleariest of moments and so on. You can imagine the difficulties I’m facing with no response from you, but that’s alright. If you can’t write back to me dear, I won’t pressure you. Your time is precious, and we will have all the time in hell quite soon. Isn’t that exciting?

I can give you the life you deserve n/n, any luxuries or mundanities you wish for will be handed to you on a silver platter. Or a golden one, if that’s more to your liking? We can properly discuss the specifics once we are together. How thrilling, the though of you and I together at last.

We truly are written in the stars!

Yours until the end of the sky and then some,

Stolas.

———————————————————

Hey there baby,

It’s been a while, huh? I’m sorry if you feel neglected babe, it’s so hard keeping in contact with you when you’re so far away hun. Wouldn’t it be so much better if you were here with me? Sure I’ve got a lot of meetings, being a sin and all, but I’d be at your beck and call n/n, you could even be my new excuse to leave those awful “business” discussions. They barely talk business with me, it’s just complete bullshit babe.

I know the lust ring can be intimidating, we have quite the reputation, but I assure you, love is not a foreign concept to me. Romance is one of my most favourite things! Though that’s a secret, let’s keep that between us, yeah? That side of me is reserved for you n/n.

It’s so boring over here without you, I feel like i’m just lounging around and last time I checked, I was the lust sin, not the sloth sin. We’d have so much fun together babe! Can’t you picture it? Even if you can’t yet, I can wait. Having you near me will be enough, you are enough just as you are.

Sincerely yours,

Asmodeus (Ozzie) xoxo

———————————————————

Heya cutie!

Letters are a lot harder to write than I thought they’d be y’know? I’ve rewritten this like 16 times already, sheesh. It just feels so awkward, I can’t see your reaction to my words which means I can’t fix any mistakes I’ve made :(. I’m sure I haven’t made any though! Right? This letters going really well so far and is definitely wooing you, right, y/n?

Hah, I’m asking questions as if you can reply right away. Silly old me, I don’t know what i’m worrying about! We’re meant to be together. I know it’s super sappy, but we’re like soulmates. Soulmates are bound to be together! That’s why I’m bringing you home soon, I can’t wait! I’ve got sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many awesome tricks to show you!

And, the best news, I quit my job!! ༘⋆-ˋˏ ༘⋆-ˋˏ This means, we will have a LOT more time with each other, and you don’t have to worry about Mammon being possessive over me, because fuck him! I’m my own clown! Or, well, your clown.

I can’t wait to see you! This is going to be great for us, I pinky promise :P

Love from,

Fizzarolli !!!! ༘⋆!!,-!ˋˏ!!!

———————————————————

[ayyy-pee]

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 4 - 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝑼𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - Series Masterlist

Pairing: Choso x f! Reader

Summary: Will this pain ever stop?

Chapter Warnings: Angst...again lmfao

WC: 6k

Choso Art By:NC9__

**While not all chapters contain adult content, the themes of this story are targeted towards adults, so minors DNI please.

You have an art project due.

You have an art project due that's worth sixty percent of your grade. 

You have an art project due that's worth sixty perfect of your grade, and you haven't even started it yet.

The canvas you’d set up two hours ago has been sitting in front of you without so much as a line drawn on it. The assignment is to sketch or paint something or someone meaningful from memory. You have many places you could choose from. You could paint your parents. They obviously mean the world to you. You could sketch your hometown, your friends from home or maybe your childhood bedroom.

Then there’s the obvious choice – the beach. The beach where you spent so many of your formative years. The beach where so many amazing memories were made. The beach where you met –

You shake your head wildly, willing yourself not to think about it, about him.

After four long months, many unanswered messages (because you’re blocked) and too many sad tears shed to count, you have now entered into the anger stage of your grief journey (with a sprinkle of the sads!). And honestly? It’s been easier for you that way. It’s been easier to hate him for what he did.

Him – because he doesn’t deserve his name to be uttered by you ever again. Not after the way he treated you. It’s not even the fact that he rejected you, though that sting was something you never want to experience again. But to make the choice to just end over a decade of friendship in the blink of an eye? A decision that wasn’t only his to make. To block you without another word? To just drop you like some stranger on the street after so many years, so many firsts together. To treat you like you never mattered at all…

Yeah, he can go to hell for all you care.

You push your canvas back with more force than necessary. Your artistic mood is ruined anyway, not that you were in one to begin with. It’s good timing, too, because a light knock echoes through your dorm door, and you beckon the visitor in.

“Hey,” Suguru enters, hands full of two six packs of beer. “You coming to Kai’s?”

Right. Tonight, Kaito – who you may or may not have vomited breakfast, lunch and dinner on after drinking too much and having a full on breakdown about him in the hallway in his hallway a week after he broke your heart – has invited you all over for a party!

It wasn’t Kaito’s fault. It was yours, really. You couldn’t look at the guy without being reminded of the conversation that led to your heartbreak.

“You should be with someone like him.” The memory played on loop in your drunken mind, pulled tears and anger from the depths of your soul and forced it all up for everyone to see.

Absolutely humiliating. Yet, despite your unfortunate mishap at the last gathering, Kaito still seemed to be interested in you. It probably helps that he has no idea that you confessed your feelings to your best – former best friend only to have your heart ripped out and fed back to you. You’d like to keep it that way. Some truths really are better left untold.

“I guess I could go,” you mutter to Suguru who has now cracked open a beer and placed it in front of you.

“Cool. Everyone’s already over there if you wanna walk together..” You open your mouth to protest, but Suguru quickly cuts you off. “I don’t mind waiting. It’s dark out anyway.” He flops down onto your bed, careful not to spill his drink. “Don’t feel comfortable with you walking alone.”

You stare at your friend from your spot on the floor. Sometimes - and you know it’s your mind inflicting its own sick torment on itself - Suguru reminds you so much of him in so many ways that it hurts. He’s quiet and caring, sweet and just an overall good person. He protects you in ways that feel so familiar it scares you. While there are no romantic feelings there for Suguru, you’ve found yourself growing even closer to him while navigating your heartbreak because of the familiar comfort he provides.

The warm sting forming along your waterline surprises you. Yes, you’re angry but there are still times when the overwhelming sadness feels just as fresh. You haven’t cried over this in awhile, but the kindness Suguru shows you consistently makes you think of those summers. And those summers make you think of his warmth and kindness that you’ve known all your life. And the memory of his warmth and kindness feels like a jagged blade being shoved slowly into your chest.

“You good?” Suguru’s quiet voice pulls you back to the present. “You look about two seconds from bursting into tears…”

You swipe at your eyes quickly, clearing your throat. “Yeah…yeah, I’m fine. Just stressed about this damn project. You know how it is.”

Even from across the room, you can see the way Suguru’s eyes narrow just slightly. He’s always been good at picking up on cues, catching people’s lies. But he doesn’t pry further, and you’re grateful when he simply stands and practically floats across the room where he reaches into the box of beers and easily pops the cap off of the bottle before handing it to you.

“Easy fix for all that stress,” he tells you. Your hand wraps around the bottle and you give Suguru a weak smile.

“Kai’s excited to see you, by the way,” Suguru adds, grinning behind his beer when he sees you choke on your first swig. He’s a good friend, but he can be such a dick sometimes! No wonder he and Satoru are so close. They both get off on catching people off guard, watching them squirm.

After nearly passing into the afterlife, you manage to finally catch your breath when Suguru takes pity on you and slaps a large hand against your back. “Is–” you cough harshly. “Is he really?”

“Yup. Dude likes you a lot even after you puked all over his new–”

“STOOOOOPPPPPP!”

“Shirt that he bought exactly for–”

“ENOUGH!!!” You squeeze your eyes shut.

“Hanging out with y–”

“I’m gonna yank your hair!” You slap your hands over your ears.

Suguru’s head falls back with raucous laughter. “As much as I’d love that, save the kinks for Kaito, please.” 

Your face practically ignites with embarrassment. Even joking about becoming intimate with someone after having only been kissed once makes you want to crawl into a hole. You take everything back. You hate Suguru and his teasing. 

Suguru downs the rest of his beer, happily observing your discomfort. “Go change so we can head out.”

You stand, flipping Suguru off before you head into the bathroom to get ready. You’re excited to go. You’re excited to see your friends and have a carefree time. And surprisingly, you’re kind of excited to see Kaito. You hope tonight will get your mind off of everything. You really need to forget all that’s been plaguing you over the last several months.

- - - - - -

When Suguru said Kaito was having a party, you didn’t think he meant an absolute fucking rager. Does no one give a damn that you’re quickly approaching midterms? Not to mention the mid-semester enormous projects your professors have been dumping on everyone! 

No one cares? 

No? 

Just you? 

Okay.

You suppose you could set your worries and stress and lingering thoughts about he who shall not be named aside for one night before it’s back to your regular scheduled programming. Even still, you just can’t wrap your head around how insane this party is. The last time you were at Kaito’s house (that’s putting it lightly – it’s more like a damn castle!), it was just your small study group. And you were very clearly going through something at the time, hence you spewing your guts out shortly after arriving for “casual” drinks and game night.

But tonight is different. There are warm bodies packed into the space, and you wonder if it’s the whole of the university that has been crammed into this place. Music is blaring so loudly you’re sure this party violates almost every noise ordinance there is. And again, no one seems to care. Everyone is pressed up against someone; hips moving scandalously to the beat. Multi colored lights flash across the room in time with the music. It’s more like a club here than a house party. It’s no wonder Suguru made you change out of your sweats and into a practically skintight dress.

If you’re going to enjoy this party, you’re going to need a drink – just one this time! You tell Suguru you’ll catch up with him in a bit, then maneuver your way into the kitchen as quickly as possible. When you’re there, you’re relieved to find that the kitchen is rather empty, just a few stragglers hanging around to grab more beverages. You appreciate the quietness in here, because the short time you were in the main room, the thumping was already giving you a headache.

Your eyes land on the counter where all the mixers and liquor sit. One little tequila and orange juice isn’t going to kill you, or result in you slumped on the couch (again), so you pour your little drink and take a sip. The burn of the alcohol is welcome. It soothes the bit of anxiety beginning to swell in your chest from the idea of having to move through that crowd again to find your friends.

“You look…” A smooth voice comes from behind you, making you jump in surprise. You spin around to find emerald eyes roaming along your form, appreciating the way the fabric of your dress hugs all your curves beautifully. “Wow…”

“Thank you, Kai,” you breathe, hiding shyly behind your red solo cup. “You look good, too.”

Kaito’s pretty grin spreads along his face, the two of you standing to the side of the small group gathered in the kitchen. “Suguru told me you were getting a drink. Had to come find you. How’ve you been?” He questions, reaching past you to grab a bottle of liquor. “Excuse me.” He pours himself a bit of alcohol.

“Not bad, just busy with this art project. I know I haven’t been around much, but I need to get a good grade on this one.”

He nods, eyes boring into yours. “I feel that. That’s why I threw this party.” He waves his hand around the room. “Needed something to get my mind off shit.”

Images of what – no, who – your mind has been stuck on flash through your mind, and you take another swig of your drink to quell the sadness threatening to resurface. “Honestly, I’m glad you did.”

Kaito smiles down at you, and you feel your heart race behind your ribcage. “Me, too. I’m really glad you came.”

You spend a good while speaking with Kaito in the kitchen, completely forgetting about the party outside of this room and your friends in general. It’s surprisingly refreshing. You’re open with Kaito, laughing at his jokes, letting him flatter you with the compliments he can’t seem to help but shower you with.

And you like it.

You like him. 

Kaito makes you feel good. You had no idea how much you needed to feel good until now. And even as Kaito leads you outside to a balcony overlooking a gorgeously lit garden, even as the music pumps so loudly through the closed double doors, it’s nothing compared to the pounding  Kaito causes your heart to do.

Maybe it really is a good thing that you came to this party. And a good thing you only had one drink!

“So…” Kaito sighs, staring out over the pretty shrubs and the enormous fountain that sits in the center of this outdoor garden. “Can’t believe senior year is coming up so quickly.”

“Oh wow, it really is. You’ll be graduating before you know it.”

“Scary times. Not looking forward to finding out what the real world's like.”

You hum in agreement. In another year you'll be in Kaito’s position, wondering what you will be doing for the rest of your life. And Kaito is right. It’s scary to think about. All of this stress from school will build up to something, though you don’t know what that something is yet. You’d love to sit and ponder on what your future holds, because just a few months before, you were fairly certain you knew what and who you wanted. But so much has changed in such a short amount of time. You don’t know what’s next for you. Regardless, you want to be open to change.

“There will be no talking about futures together, making plans, sailing off into the sunset…none of it.”

Yeah, you need to be open to change.

You sigh loudly. “As much as I love letting the existential dread set in, did you bring me out here to talk about school?”

Kaito laughs, running his fingers through his dark hair and you can just barely make out the crimson spreading along his cheeks in this dim lighting. He’s nervous, and you find it adorable. “No. No, of course not. I just…ah, fuck.”

You place a hand on his arm, soothingly patting. “Take your time…”

His eyes narrow playfully as he bites his lip, shaking his head. He leans against the balcony railing, turning to face you. “I really like you…” he admits, then he chuckles. “You know, if that wasn’t obvious.”

“I would have never guessed,” you tease, and Kaito laughs again. “I like you, too, Kai. I know I’ve been kind of…” You try to find the right word for your behavior over the last four months, but all you can come up with is, “a mess. But I do like you.”

Kaito’s face lights up. It’s so cute, the way he looks so excited to hear this. He moves closer to you, taking your hand in his, and you feel your heartbeat pick up speed.

“I’m so glad. I thought there was no way you were interested.”

This makes you burst into a fit of giggles. “How are you the one surprised here? I puked all over you and somehow you still like me.”

Kaito’s teeth sink into his bottom lip again, and he grins. “Would you think I was an absolute freak if I said that somehow made me like you more?”

Your brows knit together in confusion, but you can’t help the goofy smile spreading across your lips.

“I just mean!” Kaito stumbles over his words, trying to correct himself. His fingers card through his hair again, and you make note that this seems to be a nervous habit of his. “Ugh, I mean…most girls have something absolutely humiliating like that happen and–”

“Off to a great start,” you jest, which makes Kaito smile harder.

“You know what I mean. I just didn’t think that you’d still want to be friends after something like that happened. I was kind of worried that you’d be too embarrassed to want to talk to me.”

“I was,” you admit. “But you kept coming around to study group so it made it kind of hard to avoid you.” Your lips quirk into a smirk, letting Kaito know that you’re still teasing him.

“You’re so mean to me,” he pouts cutely before he adds, “Would you think I was an absolute freak if I said that somehow makes me like you more?” He winks, and you both fall into a fit of giggles.

You’re not sure when the last time you felt so…free was. The air around Kaito is so refreshing, so light, so nice. You can be yourself with him. You can laugh with him. You can just…be with him.

Kaito’s sudden silence has you peering up at him, only to find his face serious. Somehow, you’re just noticing that he’s much closer. He leans down slowly, and your heart thrums loudly in your ears as your breaths mingle. Kaito has his eyes locked on your mouth, his tongue peeking out to run along his bottom lip and your eyes follow the motion. 

“I want to kiss you so badly…” He confesses quietly. “So badly.” 

Your cheeks warm at the prospect. You’ve never kissed anyone besides him. And you’re unsure if–

No.

You push the memory away. He wanted you to be happy even if it meant it was with someone else. He removed himself from your life to make sure of that. So now, you will do what was asked of you, and move on.

“Can I…” Kaito’s voice beckons you back to him. “Kiss you?”

“...yes.” You nod, agreeing quickly. The both of you slowly lean closer, Kaito’s hand squeezing yours, until your lips just barely ghost over each other. Kaito’s hand comes up to cup your cheek, then he closes the distance, pressing his mouth gently to yours.

His lips are so soft, so careful as they move against yours. The taste of Kaito’s mouth has you sighing into the kiss, the mixture of mint and whiskey more pleasant than you would have imagined. It’s nice, just like everything about Kaito. 

Your mind is reeling, heart beating wildly in your chest. You’re finally experiencing your first kiss at college! You used to dream of this moment. Giving your first college kiss to someone you really like. And you really like Kaito. This kiss…it’s everything you ever hoped for!

So why does the way Kaito’s lips caress yours feel so wrong? Why does the way his hand gently strokes your cheek feel so off? And the way he sighs your name against your lips? It’s just all so wrong.

You try to fight it, try to resist the way your head floods with images of that hot summer night at the beach all those years ago, of that kiss that seems to have ruined you for all other men. How compared to everything else going on at this moment, it all felt right. There were no awkward feelings, no doubts, no sudden alarms blaring in your head telling you that you should not be kissing this person. And it has your heart dropping.

This isn’t fair.

It isn’t fair that no matter how much you think you’ve moved forward and healed, it only takes one tiny thing to send you right back to square one. It isn’t fair that you’ve been put in this position by no choice of your own in the first place. It isn’t fair that even as this man who so clearly likes you presses his lips to yours, you can only think of being somewhere else with someone who isn’t him.

It isn’t fucking fair.

What’s even worse is that that damn beach seems to haunt you no matter what you do. It’s crazy how you can see the water so clearly in your mind, damn near feel the mist of the ocean spray on your face as Kaito slots his lips against yours. And it seems Kaito feels this mist as well, because he pulls back, brows knit together as his beautiful eyes roam your features.

“Did I do something wrong?” He questions quietly. The confusion seems to be clear as day on your face because Kaito gently swipes at your cheek and it’s then that you feel the wetness on your skin. Tears; big, fat ones at that. You hadn’t even realized you had started crying.

A sob involuntarily rips from your throat and your hands fly to your mouth to cover the sound. But then another follows. And another. And it’s all you can do to just close your eyes and try to will yourself not to break down right here. But when you feel yourself wrapped in an unfamiliar, but soothing embrace, a wave of emotion comes crashing down on you harder than the wave that brought you to him over a decade ago. And it only makes you cry harder. Kaito’s arms squeeze you tightly, his hand rubbing soft circles on your back.

“It’s okay…” he whispers, though you can hardly hear him over your weeping. “Whatever’s going on…it’s gonna be okay.”

The two of you stand like this for a while. Kaito simply holds you until your body stops shaking with each sob. 

“I–” You sniffle loudly, burying your face in Kaito’s chest because once again, you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of him and now you’re too ashamed to look at him. “I’m so, so sorry, Kai.”

His hands fall on your shoulders, pulling you from his hold and you peer up at him, only to find him gazing softly down at you.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Kaito is so sweet. Too sweet for you, who is too damaged to be of any good to him.

“I’m going through sort of a break up right now,” you confess. “I care about him very much, but it just didn’t work out. I thought I was ready to move on, to try this, but I don’t think I am.” You feel fresh tears beginning to fall. “I’m sorry. I really do like you, but I’m just not ready for anything new.”

Kaito nods, in understanding, pulling you back into his arms when he sees another tear roll down your cheek. “I get it. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

See? Too sweet for you.

Kaito whispers your name as he releases his hold on you. “Just know that you’re an amazing person. I’d still love to be friends with you, if you’re comfortable with that.” He squeezes your shoulder comfortingly. “And whoever broke your heart…they fucked up letting you go.”

His words make you want to cry harder. You wish you could believe that, believe that you were worth fighting for. But you were the one fighting, and right now, you feel like the one who lost.

Still, you manage to mutter a quick “thank you” before you hug Kaito one last time for the night.

- - - - - -

Maybe you’re doomed to never leave Kaito’s house on a good note. Twice you’ve left there in shambles, and you’re not willing to see if the third time’s a charm.

You leave Kaito’s without bothering to find your friends to say goodbye. You don’t want to see them, don’t want to explain the reason why you’re suddenly racing back to your dorm. Don’t want them to know that the moment you get back to your dorm you’ll be falling to pieces. You want to be alone. 

In the safety of your dorm, there’s no one here to tell you it will be alright, no one to soothe your pain or offer you words of encouragement. And you don’t want it. You want to feel these emotions, let them all out as the waves come. You need the space to do so.

You don’t care that you’re standing in your room in the same stupid dress you were wearing when you broke down in front of Kaito after telling him you liked him, after having your first kiss in college with him. You feel ridiculous as is, so what’s one more thing to add to the roster? 

Your eyes spot the stupid blank canvas on your table, still in the same spot you left it when you headed out to the party with Suguru, and your body moves on autopilot. You let your hands do what they know how to do best, dipping your paint brush into whatever color feels right. 

Each stroke of the brush feels like a weight lifted, feels cathartic and the sorrow that drove you to paint in the first place melts into raw anger. The tears fall as an image begins to take shape, furious brushstrokes flying across the canvas.

You don’t know how long you’re sitting there painting, but when you’re no longer able to shed another tear, and your angry sobs finally subside, you set your brush aside and observe the finished product.

It’s the beach - your beach - painted the way you see it now. 

Messy. 

Distorted. 

Tainted with memories that now leave a sick taste in your mouth. 

And it’s beautiful.

You wipe your swollen eyes as you stand and strip off your dress, leaving the fabric in a pile on the floor. You don’t give the painting any more attention, don’t bother looking back, leaving it to dry while you head to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.

Come Monday, when you present your project in class, your professor does not hesitate to gift you an A. You listen numbly as she rambles about the raw emotion it evokes. She sings your praises about your growth this semester, and she tells you she hopes to see more of this passion in your future work. 

It’s bittersweet, but you suppose something good had to come from all of this pain. 

Maybe one day, when it’s not such a sore spot, when it doesn’t hurt so fucking much, you’ll thank him for it.

- - - - - -

Your senior year creeps up on you. All of your hard work has finally paid off, and you’ve fortunately been able to take it pretty easy for your last year of college. You even had time to complete an internship with an incredible art gallery and may have a position lined up for after graduation!

You want it so badly, so you’ve been spending more time experimenting with your art. It keeps you busy, which is exactly what you need.

Utahime and Shoko are officially together, not that their relationship was much of a secret to begin with. You love seeing those two together. Especially now that Utahime is no longer struggling with her classes. She can dedicate more time to her music and spend more time with her girlfriend before she leaves for medical school.

They’re sweet with each other, but third wheeling with them sucks. Nothing is fun when you’re stuck watching your friends making out wherever you go. You still love them, but you’ll see them again once they’re out of the honeymoon phase. So maybe you’ll never see them again. Who knows?

Satoru and Suguru…They also became a couple, but that was a toxic situation that lasted about a year before they had a very nasty breakup that ended with Suguru transferring schools. 

Though Satoru does make frequent visits to “see his friends” that just so happen to live in the same city that Suguru moved to. You’re not sure what’s up with your friends and feeling the need to hide their relationships when it’s all so glaringly obvious what they’re up to. But you don’t pry.

And you? You haven’t tried dating anyone since that disastrous night at Kaito’s. You needed time to heal, so you’ve poured all your energy into your artwork. Clearly it’s paid off for you.

Speaking of Kaito, he graduated! He was offered an amazing position with a great company, and actually moved out of the country. You two remain good friends, which is why as you lie in bed scrolling through your Instagram feed, you see the pictures of him and his new girlfriend on your feed. You double tap, liking it. They’re so cute together. And Kaito seems so happy, and you’re happy for him.

Your finger continues to swipe at the screen, scrolling through pictures and videos of your friends. Some of your high school friends have gotten married. Some are pregnant. Others have adopted a new pet. Now that you’ve got time to breathe, it feels like everyone’s life is changing so quickly. 

But still, it’s nice to have time to do absolutely nothing. You spent a good majority of your college career frantically trying to keep your head above water. You’re glad for the downtime.

A notification suddenly pops up on your Instagram. It’s a message request, though you’re not sure from who. 

“You love stallions?” You question aloud. “Who the hell…” You squint, bringing your phone closer to your face to see if the profile picture gives you any clues as to who is randomly sending you a message. But it’s just a pair of…red shoes? You have half a mind to delete the message, because when you try to view the page, it’s private.

But apparently, you’ve really got time on your hands, because curiosity gets the better of you and you open the message.

yuluvstallions: hi Y/N!!! 

yuluvstallions: (i hope this is ur page. I messaged like 4 others) 

yuluvstallions: It’s me! Yuji!! It’s been a REALLY long time! Hope ur doin good! Plz tell ur mom nd dad i said hi! 

yuluvstallions: I miss u SO much so i had 2 try nd find u on here! N e way. Idk if u remember but my bday is comin up in a few weeks! Im gunna be 13! Can u believe it?! IM A TEENAGER!!!

yuluvstallions: i think u might b on spring break during that time, so id really love it if u could come. I’ll send details here

Yuji attaches an image of his party invitation, and you can’t even focus on that because you suddenly feel like you can’t breathe. The invitation font sits atop the background image, against the sky. It gives all of the location’s details, the time and the date. And at the bottom of this image are the four brothers, standing on the beach with their arms around each other’s shoulders and big grins on their faces.

There’s Yuji, who looks to be almost as tall as you, wears the biggest smile. Then Kechizu, who is still short and stocky, the same way you remember him. Eso, who has a mohawk now? And then, there’s him.

Choso.

You set your phone down. You think you’re going to be sick.

- - - - - -

It’s nearly one in the morning when Choso arrives home. He’s not usually off this late, but he’s been finding it easier to sleep when he comes home absolutely exhausted. Though it doesn’t help much. He’s only been managing to sleep a few hours a night for the last few years, and somehow, by some miracle, he hasn’t keeled over. 

Choso sets his keys down, heading up the stairs, careful to avoid the worn steps that he knows will creak beneath the pressure so as to not wake Yuji. He slips into the bathroom where he strips off his uniform and steps into the shower. The heat of the water melts away the thick scent of dairy and sugar from Choso’s skin and hair, and he finally feels like he can relax.

It’s been a surprisingly busy spring season. He can thank spring break for that. The town has university students coming in and out like a revolving door, and business is booming because of it. He can’t complain. It’s more money, and it keeps his mind off of…things.

Choso finally settles into bed, pulling his blanket up to his chin. He’s exhausted.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like sleep is in his near future because he hears a knock on his door the second he closes his eyes. The door cracks open, a head of pink hair peeking in. His youngest brother slips into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Yuji looks nervous, moving across Choso’s room to sit at his desk. “Hi, big brother,” he beams. “How was work?” And while Choso loves when Choso refers to him as his big brother, he can only assume Yuji wants something.

“What is it?” He asks, voice clearly conveying his exhaustion.

Yuji plays with the hem of his shirt, eyes fixed on the floor. “So…as you know, my birthday bonfire is coming up.”

“Still can’t believe you’re about to be 13,” Choso sighs, shakily. Yuji has grown up so fast and is quickly becoming an incredible young man.

‘Don’t cry. Don’t cry…’

Yuji chuckles nervously. “Yeah…so…It’s a big milestone, right? Like, a big birthday because I’m finally a teenager…”

“Yes…I know…What are you getting at?”

“Would it be okay if I invited…” he trails off, but it's obvious who Yuji’s referring to – you. Of course Yuji wants to see you. He's got the same emotional attachment to you as Choso has to him. He can admit that in the past it made him jealous, how much Yuji loved you. And how much you loved Yuji. But right now, the idea of Yuji extending an invitation to you after not seeing you for almost half a decade, after the way things were left off between you…it sets his nerves on fire.

He has no idea what you're up to these days. It takes a hell of a lot of restraint each time the temptation crosses his mind, but he doesn't check your social media. And if his brothers have any contact with you, they don't provide him any insight into your life either. Though Choso thinks that's more in protest of how things went down between you two, not to protect his feelings. They always did love you more. 

But would Choso be able to handle seeing you after the way he treated you all these years later? The idea of seeing you standing in front of him makes him feel sick. And the idea of seeing you standing in front of him with…Kaito, or whoever you may be dating now makes him want to vomit. He knows he told you to move on, find someone who could be better for him than he could ever be, but he doesn’t want that flaunted in his face either.

Ugh, this is just all fucked up.

Choso’s aware of how selfish it would be for him to say no to Yuji because of his own feelings. Because he’s scared to face the consequences of his actions. He caused this rift between you two. He burned the bridge. Not you. Not Yuji. Choso did that. Maybe you’ll show up. He’s sure Yuji and his other brothers would love to see you. Worst case and most likely scenario, you hate Choso and won’t come at all. 

That idea hurts just as much. 

But Choso can’t use what he did as a reason to tell Yuji no.

“Sure,” Choso finally grunts. “Invite her, but don’t get your hopes up.”

Yuji grins, wide and goofy. He stands, clapping his hands together as he makes his way out the door before calling back, “Good! Because I already invited her and she said she’s comingggg!” He sings from the hall.

“YUJI, SHUT UP!” Choso hears Eso’s muffled yell from his room, followed by Yuji’s loud laughter.

Choso groans, staring up at the ceiling as his mind races. If he thought he was getting any sleep tonight, he was sorely mistaken. How could he sleep now? Knowing that in a few short weeks, he’ll be seeing you for the first time in years. Potentially speaking to you for the first time since he hung up in your face and blocked any form of communication with you. The conversation haunts him to this day, like some strange form of punishment. It’s why he works so much, why he sleeps so little. At least when he’s awake, he can keep his thoughts at bay.

Exhaustion snatches Choso, his body finally giving in so he can sleep. He’s sure he’ll wake up tomorrow feeling as though he never relaxed for a moment. That’s how it always is. Because while he can keep himself busy enough to not think of you for a second while he’s awake, it’s when he closes his eyes that his mind torments him with nothing but images of you.

This time, his dreams are pleasant. This time, he sees you and him together. You and him, on the beach where it all began.

[sarathrwizard]

7 Day Camp Stay. Day: 7

It's the last full day at camp! We made it! (There's still one more day after this though.)

We had a great time! And I think we did everything, right? ... WE STILL NEED TO DO S'MORES!!!!!

I ate a s'more, so Donnie shall eat a s'more now!

Hope you enjoy Day 7! (Under the cut.)

7 Day Camp Stay

Day: 7

Donnie tossed and turned all night. The cold air constantly blowing on his face made it hard to sleep. He woke up at 6:30 A.M. he turned from one side to the other, but nothing felt comfortable. After trying for an hour, he decided to get up.

He exited the tent and... Okay, the walk to the restrooms was just tedious now. Sure it was the distance of two blocks, but walking that back and forth, back and forth for 6 days was kind of annoying. Was this camping week a test for his physical strength or his mental? Anyways, he made it to the restrooms.

After Donnie was done, he walked back to the camp for what felt like the 50th time. He crawled back into his tent. Oh, how he wanted to sleep more! But his back was too sore to even lay back down on. Donnie grabbed his box of crackers and ate a handful. That counted as breakfast, right?

Leo was already starting to stir. Probably from Donnie munching on crackers. It's hard to eat those things quietly. The temperature felt cold, but it was supposed to be warm later that day. So Donnie stayed bundled up till the sun had enough time to warm the earth.

"Hey, hey Tello!"

Donnie blinked his eyes to find himself sitting at the picnic table. There was a bit of confusion at first, but Donnie vaguely remembers walking over to the picnic table.

"You falling asleep there?"

Leo asked. Washing the dishes beside him. Donnie slowly raised his head off the picnic table.

"Bad sleep last night?"

"Yup, you got it."

Donnie said with as much enthusiasm he could muster up. He smacked his forhead back down on the table. It was almost lunchtime already. Mikey looked in the cooler for the sandwich fixings.

"There's the mustard! I've been looking everywhere for it!"

Mikey flipped the bottle in his hand, then went to make the sandwiches. Mikey passed the food out to the others. Donnie lifted his head and looked at the plate to inspect it. It was a turkey sandwich. They have literally had turkey sandwiches for lunch for the past week. Donnie couldn't wait to have some real food...

pizza.

He ate the sandwich anyway. When Raph got done with the dishes and finished his food, he rushed over to his tent like he had forgotten something. Raph came back out with a big box.

"Who wants to play 'Giant Sorry'?"

Raph said as he held it up high. Mikey was the first to bounce.

"Oh, Oh, I do!"

"I'll play!"

"Sure."

Raph opened the box and shook out the large vinal game board, laying it down like a blanket. He took the giant pieces out and set them up in their places. Leo took the blue pegs. Mikey, the yellow. Raph, the red. And Donnie was stuck with green. He was disappointed that there was no purple.

The game was going well... Till crazy stuff started to happen, and all of Raph pegs were sent back to the beginning. Donnie felt kind of bad about it.

Donnie must have blinked because Mikey was two hops away from winning. But there was no stopping him. He got the number 2 he was looking for. Mikey crossed the finish line and was winner and still champ!

"Welp! Good game!"

Leo said as he flopped backwards and raised up a thumb. Mikey grinned and wiggled in his spot. Donnie was close to winning too. But there can only be one, I guess.

Donnie looked over at Raphs pegs and saw that they barely left the start. Donnie felt sorry for him. But Raph didn't seam to mind as he rubbed Mikeys head with a smile.

"First one to the shower house gets to shower first!"

Raph said as he pushed off of Mikey and sprinted off to the shower house.

"Hey! No fair!"

Mikey yelled out, chasing ofter him.

"Luckily, I already took my shower."

Leo said as he flipped his mask tails. Donnie wouldn't have none, we was practically sleep walking the whole morning. Donnie shrugged his shoulders and walked back to his tent. He grabbed his Atomic Las action figure and exited the tent. He took a stroll over to the lake.

Upon arriving, he saw the sun reflecting on the lake. He watched as the water rippled. He knelt down, setting his action figure on a large rock. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. He posed his action figure into a cool pose, standing with legs spread out and her blaster held high. Donnie got down on his elbows, took out his phone and swiped open the camera. He took a few pictures and checked to see which one was best.

Donnie looked up, seeing how perfect the sun was framed with the tree line. The clouds swirled around in gentle strokes. He gazed upon the sky as the colors faded from blue to a gentle pink. An artist's masterpiece. Donnie snapped a picture of the beautiful sunset, capturing it in a timeless photo.

Donnie couldn't believe this was the last day of their camping week. How time seamed to have flown by. Sure at first it was rough, and he didn't really want to be there. But now, Donnie wished he had just a few more days. Donnie soaked in this moment, this feeling of calm, and peace of mind. For as tomorrow, they would pack for home.

The sun had set as Donnie made his way back to the campsite. Mikey and Raph had long finished their showers, and Mikey was already back to cooking dinner. The last supper they'd have here.

... okay. It's not that dramatic, cause in all honesty, Donnie couldn't wait to have some food from 'Run of the Mill Pizza' again! He'd been craving pizza for the past few days! But it was just one more day, one more day.

The fire illuminated the campsite in a brilliant orange. As Donnie approach the others, he could smell the food cooking already!

"Ahh! Donnie, you're back! Food's ready!"

Mikey said as he held out a plate to Donnie. Donnie took the dish and looked over what he was about to eat. It was like a vegetable stir fry with noodles.

Now, pizza would always be first place. But Chinese food came a close second. Donnie happily ate his dinner. He kind of wished he could have more, but he wanted to make sure Raph wouldn't be hungry. His bro, who is the biggest, needs lots of food to function.

But the night didn't actually end right after supper, for Mikey had been saving this the whole week. He dug out a small paper bag and simply asked,

"Who wants s'mores?"

Like that was a question that needed to be answered. OF COURSE IT WAS YES!! Raph, Leo, and Donnie himself, huddled around Mikey for these alleged ingredients. Mikey handed them each two large marshmallows and a fork. Donnie put the two together.

He leaned closer and stuck the marshmallow over the fire. He slowly and carefully let the marshmallow melt. He looked over at the others as they cooked theirs. Mikey was already done.

"Uhh, Donnie? Donnie, your marshmallow! It's-"

Donnie looked back down to see his marshmallow had turned into a small ball of fire. Panicking, he quickly drew it out of the fire and blew hard till the fire went out. Turning it to see all sides. Half of it was a very dark brown color, but it looked okay.

"Hope you like crispy marshmallows."

Leo smirked, but honestly felt a little sorry. Donnie rolled his eyes. He grabbed the gram crackers and chocolate. Carfully he placed the marshmallow on the cracker and chocolate and slid the marshmallow off. He gently grabbed the s'more and lifted it up to eye level. Right in front of him was a camping classic!

Donnie was normally one that would swallow something in one bite. But with something like this, he wanted to saver the flavor. He took one bit, and instantly was drawn back to the very first time he had one. He kicked his feet and did a little happy dance.

Donnie wanted this moment to last longer.  Why did it have to be the last day? Donnie looked down at his hands, feeling the sticky marshmallow on his fingers. Cleaning his hands was probably a good idea. He got up and headed over to the restrooms.

When he arrived, he paused for a moment. He looked at the handle, then looked at his hands. He fiddled with the handle, trying to turn it without getting it all messy as well. He eventually got it and shuffled inside. He washed his hands and looked in the mirror. He saw the bruise on his nose he received a few days ago. Then he looked down at his hip. The scratches were healed up, but the bruise was still bright and hurt to touch.

Hopefully, the bruises would heal quickly. Donnie exited the restrooms and got back to the camp. The others were getting ready for bed. Donnie said goodnight before he headed into his tent. He crawled inside and got into his sleeping bag for one last time. It was the last day, and it was already over. Donnie let out a quiet sigh and closed his eyes.

___________

MMMHMMMHMMMMM who doesn't like s'mores? ☺️

That day was the least reckless day I had. And to think it was the last one too!

Welp, I hope you enjoyed day 7! Just one more to go and the trip will be complete!

Lord bless you! ❤️

Last x Next

[derww]

DAY 9: TRIO

Zam knows he is done the moment he touches his hair and feels something firm. He checks by leaning over the nearest puddle of water, and it's barely noticeable, but even now you can already see the small black horns. He easily guesses that later they will start to twist. At that point, he was speaking with Subz every day for two weeks straight. Only two weeks.

It's not like there was even anything special. He got up in the morning, took half of the battle kit, and went to spawn and placed the dirt for twelve hours in a row. And Subz was just there, i guess. They were working together, swapped shulkers with each other from time to time, and gave comms about the amount of dirt in the chest and which parts they had finished. Sure, sometimes they spoke – often it was just Zam asking and Subz answering tho – but it shouldn't have affected so much. He felt alone enough to get attached to not even his ally if they were ready to kill Leviathan. And Subz was. Best fucking choice ever.

Subz was kind to him. He forgiven him, reassured him, helped him. He was easy to love and care. Someone is doing things that have to be done just because no one else would. It was... so generous and strange for the Lifesteal, but so understandable from ItzSubz_, the man who got his best friend by giving out hearts and taking one really strange guy and his cat-maid as a refugee.

The horns grow by almost a centimeter in three days. They thicken at the base and are now noticeable even under the hair. It would be funny if I were poisoned by a corruption instead, he thinks idly. I've always wanted to get chronic pain as a bonus to friendship.

Always all-knowing Planet giggles at him and says that he is a weakling. Bacon mumbles that there is always something wrong with him. Subz says nothing. He just nods, gives him a dirt shulker, asks how he is, says where hes going today, and goes to work.

"Is there something you deeply regret?", Zam asks after his first shulker of dirt ends. "Of course",  Subz answers, "it's inevitable". "How are you dealing with this?" – "I know I can't change anything that already happened and can only be better further in the line," – "But what if its something so bad you can't even accept that you did it?" – "To move on. Its not like there is any more choices".

It's not like he is wrong. But he is – atleast in some way. Zam doesnt say that. He still thinks about the dupe war sometimes. Sometimes he thinks that he could stop all of it if he was smarter. Sometimes he thinks that Spoke would do something destructive anyway, and he never was able to actually outplay him.

"Are you scared?" Subz suddenly asks. Zam pauses for a minute, just staring at the communicator. "Not anymore," he lies, "I was, but it's better now." "That's nice. You are on the right way.".

They're working until late tonight. Even when Subz finally gives up, having not slept for at least a day, Zam stays, and Subz hands over the remaining dirt to him before disappearing into the night. He works until he has no blocks left. And then he just stares at the sky, sitting on the hill he just made. Stars are beautiful tonight. And the moon lacks only a crescent to become full-fledged.

It's... peaceful. This is what he wanted, making The Sanctuary his new home. It's unfortunate that it only brought more problems in the end. Back then, he really only wanted a quiet life alone.

He sleeps in the New Silvington today. It's still blown up, but it's warm and quite down there. This time, memories with Walter soothe him. It's like he had a home again.

When he wakes up, his horns are half of the original length. And Zam feels so, so stupid.

He gets only a few quiet days until Mapicc and Ro show up, and he messages Subz because he has no choice.

Subz comes and covers his back. It's a good thing. By the time Zam enters the Eclipse, the similarity between them is already absolutely obvious. 

– Do you gave yourself this shit? – Subz just asks him one day.

– Kinda, yeah, – he agrees.

– Okay, if you like them. – Subz shrugs and instantly distracts from the topic. Zam stares at him for almost another minute.

He sees Vitalasy the first time after joining only after two weeks of being there, and Vi looks busy and tired, but he's still smiling, and he hugs Subz and, later – Zam. His hands are soft and warm. He feels himself very, very weak.

Vi stays with them in the base under the snow for a week. He helps them fight, brings golden apples, and cooks them sweet cakes. He accepts Zam into the team with an ease – smiles to him, covers his back, tells personal stories, and falls asleep on his shoulder, feeling safe next to him. Vi leaves shortly after, having just too big of a plan and too much of a work.

The next day, Zam already has fox ears.  

[devildomditzy]

You know how it goes.

The same old same old.

You attempt to get something done for once,

and he ruins it by attempting to insert himself as the constant center of your attention.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way, now would you?

Your attempt to study for your upcoming cursed speechcraft class was impressive, commendable even. But of course, you weren’t getting anything done, not if he had anything to say about it.

You’ve reread the same sentence at least twelve times now, trying to drown out the loud, cheesy love song blaring from outside your bedroom window. But of course, your efforts were futile.

You made eye contact with him, but how could you not! The poor boy stood out on the lawn under your bedroom window, practically on his tippy toes, holding a large, heavy boombox over his head. Sure, demonic strength was a thing, but that sure looks heavy!

Where’d he even get that?

Whatever.

No time to think about that. You were NOT going to let him distract you this time. Not after he had spent the whole day trying to convince you to ‘stop being such a damn nerd’.

But of course, your steadfast nature lined with the good intentions of not failing this course went through one ear and out the other.

You were going to ignore him? Fine.

Try to ignore Celine Dion on full blast.

You watch in annoyance as he turns the volume knob up to max, making the face of a man hellbent on distracting his human exchange student.

Now it was a game of patience, who would crack first? Him giving up this charade, or you finally caving into just what it is he wants?

Or Lucifer telling him to turn that thing off before he pops his head like a grape.

It’s anyone’s guess.

Don’t let him get to you.

Just turn to the next page.

Wait, what is he doing?

He’s set the boombox down, and he’s walking out of sight.

Maybe he’s giving up?

Of course not.

There’s a second boombox.

For Diavolo’s sake.

You pick up your D.D.D, opening your messages with him.

——————————————————————————

MC: Mammon.

Mammon: Pretty cool, huh? Found em on a sick deal too. Ya know I’d be happy to share one with ya, only if ya came down here though.

MC: I don’t want a boombox, I want to study.

MC: Where’d you get those anyway?

Mammon: Not important

MC: 🙃

Mammon: What IS important is that ya stop being’ such a rotten human and come down here to hang out with me.

MC: Mams, I already told you I’d hang out with you after I’m done studying! I can’t afford to fail this class, Lucifer will kill me! You’re welcome to come study with me as long as you’re actually studying.

Mammon: So you’re not coming down?

MC: No!

Mammon: Fine. Hope you like Beyoncé.

——————————————————————————

You groan in irritation and throw your D.D.D. onto your bed as his music somehow gets even louder.

You’re glad he forgets he can fly sometimes because if he was at your literal window you’d pop him like a grape yourself.

You put your head in your hands and look outside, just to see him lip syncing the first chorus of ‘Halo’ at you.

Its okay. Deep breath. Just block him out.

Eyes back on the page.

“The first step to recognizing when someone is attempting to use curse speechcraft on you is…”

Okay what the fuck.

What the hell is he doing.

Annnddd he’s taking his shirt off, okay.

Cool.

You make eye contact with him for a split second, and he makes that smirk you wish you could wipe off his face right now.

You rip your eyes away from your boyfriend’s impromptu strip tease as your D.D.D. buzzes from it’s spot on your bed, and you’re surprised to see the name flashing on the screen does not match the source of your frustrations.

——————————————————————————

Lucifer: MC.

MC: Yes?

Lucifer: Do you have any part in the absolute horror show that is taking place on the front lawn?

MC: Please make him stop.

Lucifer: l will return him to you in one piece.

——————————————————————————-

You look out the window just the time to see your panicked boyfriend attempting to run away with a stereo in each hand, his shirt and jacket thrown over his shoulder.

You’ll cut him down from the rafters eventually, but only after you’re sure he won’t be effecting your grades.

Annnd maybe after you’re done teasing him for a bit.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Ok so apparently there's a new Ed is abusive argument cropping up that's like taking us arguing that Ed's not a domestic abuser in a vacuum and arguing "but he abused his crew" as if that was the take that people were arguing with but I do actually want to address that take because it's also straight up not true either.

Like we have been repeatedly told you what business as usual for a pirate ship looks like, and it's not what Ed is doing. Stede opens the show with floggings and keelhaulings mentioned as standard practice. His crew doesn't take him seriously at least partially because he doesn't do those things. In 1.08 we get the first mention of captain Hornigold as having stabbed and beaten down Jack and Ed and having treated them worse than dogs. Episode 9 we get captain Izzy and what's the first thing he does? Threatened to withhold food for a whole week. Then we meet Hornigold who reveals that a punishment on his ship was a crab clawing through your stomach and that a standard threat was skinning a person and feeding it back to them.

And what does Ed do? Cuts off his abuser's toes. Shoots him in the leg for having the most gaslighting audacity I've ever seen. But aside from Izzy, in regards to whom I have cell block tango cued up for Ed, what did he actually do?

The first time someone expresses discontent is after the wedding raid which I think is probably towards the end of the 89 raids given that Izzy has his breakdown immediately after Ed throws them a cake party, in fact I would guess that it's raid number 88, they do raid 89 in between Izzy getting shot and Ed telling Frenchie they're never going back to land, and then Ed decides to kill himself that night. So anyway, raid 88, they've been doing this for 3 months, and Jim says "Is it just me or was the wedding thing a bit over the line?" to which Archie responds "IDK I've never really been to a wedding before so I have nothing to compare it to." as if she's just happy to be there, and then Fang says "I've never seen Blackbeard like this before," Which establishes that what we're going through right now, the 88 soon to be 89 raids are atypical of Ed's behavior, and then follows it up with "He didn't bat an eye when Ivan got killed" which establishes both why Ivan isn't around and why Fang is so sad, but also might establish that Ed would be upset with crewmembers dying, which is consistent with episode 4 when he yells at Stede that the crew dying is going to be his fault to show him what it's like being Blackbeard.

Then we have the scene where the crew defy Ed. Ed orders them to dump the treasure overboard, because it's fucking treasure. What's Ed's response? To take another one of Izzy's toes so that he looks like he cares about enforcing rules on his ship while not punishing the people actually going against him but instead punishing the guy who low key ruined his life. Then Izzy does his "you can cut off my toes but I need to know that this is a sexual thing for you too" bit and Ed doesn't take the bait until he says a Stedeism. And then he goes out to threaten everyone with a gun, which, you know. Not great but he ends it like this so

you know. something to consider.

and then he doesn't really do anything to the crew until the murder-suicide.

so his list of crimes currently is:

not really giving a fuck about Ivan dying where Fang can see it

Dismembering his abuser where people who don't have the full context can see it (not a crime just a based action that has side effects for the people who have to see it)

waving a gun around in a way that makes you wonder if he's about to shoot himself in the head

trying so so so so so so hard to get people to kill him because he's addicted to outsourcing the big job

Demanding the crew dump treasure overboard (standard practice if Zheng Yi Sao is to be believed)

Overworking the crew a little bit.

When we measure this against the stick of every non Stede pirate captain we've seen so far I think what these crimes amount to is hurting your friends in the process of hurting yourself. And that using the term abuse which calls to mind a very specific phenomenon is one of two things: Melodramatic moralizing (which is the internet's fav thing to do so you know what sure) or demonizing the brown guy in the midst of a mental health crisis.

I honestly think that outside of the murder suicide the only reason anyone had a problem with any of it was because Stede showed them what piracy could be like, that's the whole narrative point right. Stede's doing things differently, in a way that doesn't hurt everyone involved, and nobody wants to go back to the old way, because they're healing from that and Ed stopped healing because Someone told him that if he didn't there would be a fucking problem(wonder who it could have been). Like he's not even flogging anyone be serious.

[physalian]

On self-publishing, and why I did it

Based on the research that I have done, following other indie authors across multiple platforms, I think I've made an approach to this that is a lot less... shall we say, *intense* than people make it out to be? I've seen some YouTube videos acting like picking one route or the other might be the worst mistake of your author career.

I mean, I guess?

Back a few years ago I had a manuscript I was querying around and couldn't find any takers. Couldn't find any publishing houses that were accepting open submissions to pick up my manuscript either. So many of them had clauses in the application verifying that you were submitting to them and only to them and to expect a reply within 8-10 months. Coooool.

I did not have time for that.

—

The manuscript I had was 120k words. Baby’s first novel sitting at 120k words is not attractive to publishing houses. It’s a risk. I was younger and didn’t know much about finding an agent and all that jazz, so I had looked into self-publishing and was staring down an editor bill of about $3k minimum because of my word count. I did not have the money for that.

So that manuscript got shelved, meanwhile I wrote the sequel and got halfway through book 3 before writer’s block took hold.

Enter February 2024. I have an idea for a new book. 31 days later, I have that book’s first draft done—Eternal Night of the Northern Sky, on sale from draft to publication in seven months.

This time, I didn’t consider for one second trying the traditionally published route. ENNS is 111k words, it’s a doorstopper of a book, but the bulk wasn’t the only reason I decided to bootstrap myself to the finish line.

I wanted complete, absolute creative control every step of the way

If I have to market myself anyway, why am I splitting profit with a publishing house?

I *really* don’t have time to wait around hoping the right person sees my manuscript. I have a new job coming that’s going to eat up all my free time and could either delay ENNS a year or more, or get it out while I still had time to do so

I didn’t do this for money

I think that’s what makes so many of those rather intense arguments for one or the other so harrowing—the pressure is a lot higher if you invested all this time, money, and effort expecting returns to break even, if not actually turn a profit. Publishing with a publisher doesn’t guarantee people will buy your book, mind you, but it’s a helping hand nonetheless. If I even want to break even, let's say just on royalties from the ebook, I'd have to sell over a thousand copies.

Breaking down my above points:

I’m a firm believer in “if you want something done right, you do it yourself,” which does bite me in the ass from time to time, this I know. I didn’t want to get caught up in contracts or editors telling me what I could and couldn’t do or what I had to change. If ENNS fails, I will have no one to blame but myself, and I am at peace with this. If ENNS fails, and I’d gone through the trouble of signing my book’s soul away to a publisher, then I’d probably be a little resentful. 100% of ENNS is mine, even the cover. I had an image in my head of what I wanted the cover to look like, and I sat down and I drew it and it matches perfectly. Aside from the feedback implemented from betas and editors, my story is told the way I wanted to tell it. If it fails, I am at peace with this.

On marketing, I am not a person who does well with social media. Maybe it’s autism, idk, but trying to keep up with an Instagram is exhausting. I just don’t get anything from tiny text posts and blurbs and doomscrolling through influencers and advertisements. Social Media is, for me, exhausting. Tumblr is different, because writing is my strong point and this blog exists to share and curate something useful. But either way, I’d have to market this book alone, so why not do so with full creative control? If it fails, I am at peace with this.

I have a new job coming very quickly. My current job allows me about 5 hours of free time during my 8 hour shift on a good day not including the time outside work, and I work from home. ENNS was written in 31 days thanks to this job. The new one? Not so much. Seeing “please allow 8-10 months” and “please ensure this is an exclusive submission” on so many little publishing houses, and I did search far and wide, was incredibly disheartening. For me, personally, it wasn’t worth the gamble of waiting all that time, following the rules, and being told no or just being flat-out ghosted. Nor did I want to sit around querying agents into the void. This time, I didn’t have time to sift through agents. ENNS had to get out on the shelves as quickly as I could get it, and all that time (five goddamn months of editing, 500% of the time it took to write it) was spent perfecting the manuscript that it is, *not* waiting around trying to find an agent. If it fails, I am at peace with this.

And lastly, I don’t care if I make absolutely nothing from this book. I didn’t do it for the money, I did it to say I could. I have a day job, and I’m about to have a much higher paying day job. Maybe I’m lucky enough to have that, but I am under no illusions that putting in the hard work guarantees success. Success as an author is a crapshoot and being an amazing book is not the metric sales are measured in, if no one wants to read it. I’d like to make money, I didn’t do it for charity. It’s going to be priced exactly the same as another fantasy book of its caliber. But if only one person buys it, and finds something good from it, something in it that changes their life, then I will have succeeded, profit be damned. If all else fails, I am at peace with this.

—

This is not a post meant to sway people one way or the other. I know I didn’t do enough research or scour the internet hard enough to find a good agent. All of this is irrelevant when time was the most important factor in my debut novel. I was in a position where I could drop that $3k on an editor, so I did. I’m a capable enough artist to draw my own cover, so I did. I might be abysmal at managing social accounts, but less than a year ago this blog didn’t exist and it has over 5k reblogs and 950 followers and I think that’s pretty swell.

I’m 25 years old. I was not about to let it keep sitting around waiting for the golden opportunity with the perfect publishing house that might not have been coming. I had the means and motive to get it done, and by god, I did it.

If it fails, at least I can say that I failed trying. I am at peace with this.

—

Eternal Night of the Northern Sky is available now on Amazon in ebook and paperback! It is also available through your local bookstore.

Check it out on Goodreads!

[pixelsl0tz]

Made this for my girl @4zureal , requests are open if you want anything. If this even gets any attention anyways, BUT this does include underground illegal racing, it does switch povs halfway through, smut, fem!reader, bottom aku, fem!reader uses a strap on, overstimulation, edging, neck kissing and mommy kink! I should say I know absolutely nothing about cars so apologies for anything I get wrong. Also this is low key pretty long ngl… hope y’all can be patient and read the whole thing :(. This also might be a bit ooc and I’m very sorry if it is. Also might suck since it’s basically my first time writing smut. But I hope you guys enjoy!!<3

“Are all our racers ready?” A lot of reving was heard as an answer to the question. You looked to your left to see someone already staring at you. You gave him a smug smirk as he looked away with an annoyed eye roll. Akutagawa, your sworn enemy after he beat you the first time you tried out racing and bragged about how easy it was. Safe to say you gave him a fucking heart attack when you participated in the next race and absolutely humiliated his ass. Now here you two are somehow always in each other's races set to beat each other just to have the bragging rights over the other, not even caring about the prize money anymore. Brought out of your thoughts by a loud air horn you put pressure on the foot that was already on the gas pedal and started off as one of the first ones who were ready. Akutagawa’s car was right next to yours and you sped up leaving him behind. “Y/N has taken the lead and is now in first place, she just passed Akutagawa like it was nothing!” The announcer yelled through her microphone.

You smiled a bit and you were already almost done with your first lap. 4 laps total and after this just 3 left. You looked in your rear view mirror to see Akutagawa right behind you, you sped up more to the point where the gas pedal was completely down and you couldn’t push down on it anymore. Your hands steered the wheel to the left to turn and you were completely speeding up leaving Akutagawa behind you. You passed the start which meant you only have three more laps to do. “It seems Y/N is absolutely dominating this race! But it also looks like Akutagawa is having none of that and is catching up to our girl Y/N fast!’ You heard the announcer yell into her microphone again. You look into the right side view mirror to see she was right, he’s catching up fast. You steer to the right so my car would block his from getting in front of me. You kept doing this every time he moved. “Y/N is blocking Akutagawa from passing her by using her car to block his!” You heard some cheers and some booing that you couldn’t give a damn about.

You passed the start once again, two more laps left. You looked back into thr rear view mirror to see Akutagawa steer his car to the left, making you go to the left to block his path only for him to quickly change directions and go to the right instead. Crap, You try to move quickly to block him but you’re too late if you try now then you’ll hit his car. Damn it he tricked you. You completely blocked out whatever the announcer was saying and instead tried thinking of how to get back in front of him. You can’t do what he tried on you cause he’d expect it, fuck. You tried speeding up since you slowed down when he juked you, he only moved in front of you quickly which made you use the breaks and immediately go back to the gas pedal. You are going to fucking ruin him. You two passed the start again, last lap and now the start is the finish line. You need to pass him and fast. You steer to the left quickly and than to the right but he guesses what you were gunna do and is back in front of you before you can blink. He’s getting close to the finish line, you speed up again but this time you see him go to the right a bit. He knows you noticed this, he thinks you’re going left. You’ll show him. You go to the left a bit before you go to the right and put all the pressure you can on the gas pedal.

You’re practically right beside him but he’s still a bit ahead of you, he then unexpectedly speeds up and passes the finish line half a second before you do. Fuck, he beat you. God fucking damn it. “It looks like Akutagawa won the race this time, but who knows what’s in store for us next time!! Racers if you could please make your way off the tracks and wait outside your cars as the viewers make their way out of the arena” The announcer says.

—

I take a deep breath in as I watch Akutagawa get the 10k this race was offering, he looks at me and smugly smirks as I bite my lip from exploding before I take another deep breath in and let it out and I walked up to him already having a plan in my head to get payback. “Hey Akutagawa, congrats on the win. How ‘bout I invite you to my place for some drinks?” I asked him with a bit of a smile. He looked at me confused “Hm, I guess” he replied “Really?” I ask excitedly “I thought you would say no” I said with a bit of a laugh “It would be seen as rude to decline, plus how could I decline an opportunity to brag about my win against you” I simply kept a smile on my face as I clenched my fists. “Great, let me give you my number so I can text you the details” I say with a forced smile, “Very well,” He responds as he takes his phone and unlocks it before giving it to me, “I expect you to lose my number after this” He says as I quickly type my number in and give the phone back to him. “Text ya later” I say as I wave and walk back to my car and get in. I start the car and start my drive home with random Chase Atlantic songs playing to calm my nerves.

I finally get home after about half an hour and set everything up I need for when Akutagawa comes over and while I wait for him to text me. Once I finish sitting everything up my phone buzzes and I quickly check who it is, a random number. I open it and read it “It’s Akutagawa, what’s your address and when do you want me to come over?” “Well doesn’t he get straight to the point” I muttered to myself as I type out a reply. “Hey, you can come over right now and my address is 213 Rose Drive”, read “He seriously left me on read?”I muttered to myself once again as I laughed a bit before I walked over to a cabinet and opened it to get two wine glasses out and a bottle of red wine. I put the wine glasses and the red wine on the counter and now we wait for him to get here.

—

While browsing through movies on Netflix I hear a knock on my door. I get up and walk to the door and answer to see Akutagawa in a random black button up shirt with some dress pants. Holy hell he looks good. “Are you just gunna stare at me or are you going to invite me in?” He asks with a raised eyebrow and a bit of a smirk. I roll my eyes as I open the door completely and walk away “Close the door behind you” I yell out as I get to the counter and open the bottle of red wine “Obviously” He says back and I can just imagine the eye roll from him as I hear the door close. I pour the alcoholic drink into both of the glasses making they’re both around halfway and I take both of them and walk over to the living room to see him just awkwardly standing there. “Are you going to sit down or??” I ask as I sit down and set the glasses down on the coffee table I have in front of my couch. I feel him sit down next to me as I pick up the remote for the t.v to continue scrolling. “Any suggestions as to what I should put on?” I asked as I turned my head to look at him, fuck he looked good as hell. He shook his head as he picked up his glass and took a sip before putting it back down.

I sighed a bit as I decided to just put on 365 Days, I might’ve watched it so many times but a good movie is still a good movie. I heard Akutagawa choke on his wine and I looked over at him “You good? I asked as I tried not to laugh. “Why’d you put this movie on?” He asked with a bit of a blush on his face. “I’ve never watched it before plus it sounds like a good movie so why not” I reply shrugging my shoulders as his face gets even more red.This is perfect, time to execute my plan. “Aww is the poor baby sensitive to sex?” I ask in a teasing voice as I scoot closer to him and my words seem to make him blush even more and he turns his head away from me so I can’t see his face “Of course not, that’s crazy to say” he said which makes me giggle a bit. “Is that true~?” I ask as I grab his chin with my index and thumb and turned his head to me. His eyes widened a bit as he tried looking away but I kept my hold on his chin.

”Are you embarrassed, love?” I asked as my eyes flickered down to his pretty lips. “No” He said as his face heated up a bit more if that was even possible. I looked back up at his eyes and than back down to lips making sure he could see that I did. “Can I?” I muttered and he hesitantly nodded before I pressed my lips against his. He leaned into the kiss and I pushed him into the couch and straddled his lap as he was practically laying down on the couch. I slowly started moving my hips to grind against him and I felt him get hard. He groaned as his hands went down to my hips to stop my movements. “Fuck, don’t do that” he whimpered with his eyes closed. “Whimpering already? I’ve barley even done anything yet baby” I teased as I got off him and grabbed his hand to lead him to the bedroom. He stumbled a bit but caught himself as he followed me like a puppy to my room. I opened the door and quickly closed it once he was in, I pushed him onto the bed and straddled his lap and connected our lips again. He quickly leaned into the kiss as his hands went to my waist. I started moving my hips once again to grind down onto him and he moaned into the kiss which made me smirk.

I got off him and he whimpered a bit, “It’s okay baby, I’m coming back~” I said in a teasing tone “But in the meantime get comfortable” I said with a chuckle as I watched him move onto the bed so his head was on the pillows. “Close your eyes and don’t open them until I say so, ‘kay”?” I saw him nod and he closed his eyes. I opened my drawer and got out a hot pink strapon with some lube, I made my way onto the bed and spread his legs so I could get between them. I put the strap on and lube next to me and I unzipped his pants “Lift your hips for me baby” I said and watched as he lifted his hips “So good for me” I said as i took his pants off. I kissed his neck as I palmed him through his boxers, he moaned a bit and I noticed he bit his lip to stop himself from moaning. “Ah, ah, ah. Stop that, I want to hear those pretty sounds of yours” I said as I sucked on his neck to make a hickey. I heard him whimper as I was palming him and kissing and sucking on his neck.

I stopped palming him. I heard him let out another whimper, “It’s okay” I muttered against his neck and gave him another hickey and kissed his neck one more time before pulling away. I took his boxers off and watched as his pretty hard dick sprung out. “You’re so pretty baby” I whispered and I watched as his face reddened at my words. I got the lube put a decent amount on two of my fingers, “You’re going to feel uncomfortable at first but it’ll feel good soon, okay?” I saw him nod with his eyes still closed as I stuck my index finger in his ass and watched as his face turned into one of displeasure. “It’ll get better” I said as I slowly thrusted my finger into him, “You’re doing so good” Soon enough I felt him start to grind onto my finger while moaning quietly. “I told you it feels better after a bit” I said as I stared to kiss his neck again before I put my middle finger inside him, he gasped quietly as I started thrusting both my fingers into him. He whimpered as I started scissoring him while I press kisses to his neck, “You’re doing so well lovely” I said while speeding my pace up and heard him moan louder. “F-fuck, Y/- Y/N~!” He gasped as I sped up.

“I know, I know” I say as I kiss his lips as he eventually starts rolling his hips to meet my fingers.He suddenly breaks the kiss “F-fuck I’m about to-“ I quickly take my fingers out of him while he whines. “I can’t have you cumming because of my fingers, I want you cumming because of how good I fuck you” I say as I take his button up off and throw it somewhere in the room. I take my shirt off and my pants then I put the strapon on and align it with his hole. “This might hurt a bit” I say as I slowly push in the 8 inch strapon, I only have at least 3 inches in before he’s clenching the bedsheets with his fists and and moaning. “You can make mommy proud and take all of it right?” I asked as I slowly pushed in another inch and watched him nod with teary closed eyes “I want you to say you can make mommy proud and take it” I said as I pushed in another inch. “I can m-make mom- mommy p- FUCK~” He moaned as I pushed in the remaining three inches into to suddenly “Good boy~” I purred as I kissed him and started slowly thirsting into him.

He moaned into the kiss as I went painfully slow “Pl-please go faster” He managed to let out when I broke the kiss “What do you say after that?” I asked as I purposely went even slower. “Pl-please go faster moMMY~” He moaned out as I went brutally fast when he was almost done with his sentence. He started rolling his hips again to meet me halfway while I thrust into him, “I’m ahh~ so, so cl- nghh~ close” He managed to say between moaned “Are you now?” I asked as I suddenly stopped as he whined and he was on the verge of tears. “Please, let me cum mommy! Please, I”ll be good for you. Just let me cum plEASE~ AH~” He let out a high pitched moan as I started thrusting into him faster than before.

“Fuck~ Right thERE!~” He panted as I hit a certain spot that I made sure to keep hitting every time I thrusted back into him. “I’m so, SO clOSE~ Don’t st-stop! ngh~ Pl-PLEASE” He moaned and I kept thrusting into him and he came, his cum squirting onto his stomach and mine. I didn’t stop my ruthless thrusts however and made sure to keep hitting his spot which makes him moan extra loud. “You’re so pretty like this baby” I teased as he moaned from my thrusts as his hands were clenching the bed sheets extra hard. “I’m al- ahh~ almost, there” He let out and after a couple more thrusts he came again but I still didn’t stop. I kept thrusting into him, “It's TOO much~!” He cried out as he hooked like he was about to cry. “Awww poor baby, I thought you wanted to cum. I’m just giving you what you wanted” I said with a shit eating grin as he let out an extra loud moan when I grabbed his dick and started jerking him off.

“FUCK~ I’m cl-CLOSE” He let out a chocked moaned out as he came again on my hand. “Please, no more” He muttered while trying to catch his breathe, “Don’t worry baby, no more, I promise” I said as I pulled out of him and got up from the bed which elected a whimper from him. “I’m coming I need to clean you up” I saw him nod and I took the strapon off and walked towards the bathroom and put it in the sink to clean later. I got a towel and ran it under hot water before going back to Akutagawa to see him on the verge of passing out. I quickly got back onto the bed and cleaned him with the towel and than cleaned myself before putting the towel on my nightstand and laid down next to him. I hugged him and he buried his head in my boobs while his arms were around my waist. “Good night baby, you did so good for me” I said and I heard him hum and I’m assume fell asleep after that cause I’m exhausted.

Made by yours sincerely

pixelsl0tz<33, hope you guys enjoyed this!!

[askthefivefallen]

Failure to Communicate

Righty blinked.

In her existence, she’d had a lot of interesting experiences. The Exterminations, Falling, working at the hotel- not unique, but interesting.

However, she was almost certain no Exorcist angel had ever been thrown through an infernal portal conjured by an Ars Goetia.

Until her, anyway.

“Uh… okay… guess that was a long shot anyway.” Righty picked herself up off the ground and dusted off her hotel uniform. “Where’d that bastard send me, anyway?”

Righty had seen a lot of Hell by this point. More than when the Exterminations were happening, anyway- she’d been to other Rings, she’d ridden the elevator a few times, all that- but she didn’t recognize the shadowy, fog filled field she seemed to be. Actually, could it even be a field if there was nothing but dirt and rocks? Lefty would probably know.

She spread her wings, intending to fly up and get a better look… but every time she flapped them… nothing… happened? She couldn’t get off the ground. She couldn’t fly, as if something was keeping her in place. But infernal magic couldn’t do that, she was pretty sure; Angel Dust had tested if they could break handcuffs and other restraints their first week working at the hotel for reasons he refused to elaborate on but she suspected were tied to Vaggie’s yelling a few days later.

Which… would imply there’s some… Holy power at work… but where could an Ars Goetia send her that would be under Heaven’s-

“Oh… no… am I in Purgatory? That place actually exists!?” Righty groaned, stamping her foot. “Why? Why here? How the fuck do I get out of-”

From behind, she was tackled to the ground, and she turned ready to shout but a hand covered her mouth as a face appeared over her.

Another Exorcist, still in her black and silver uniform, orange eyes blazing with a long burning fury that pinned her in place. Just beyond orange and brown hair, Righty spotted something truly horrifying flying above- four wings but eyeless, with long pikes clenched in demonic claws, and open jaws filled with serrated teeth. Lesser Dominions, those who could only hear, and listened to purge the souls trapped in Purgatory.

It flew over them, seeking its next target, and the Exorcist above her watched it fly away before glaring and letting her up.

“Thanks,” Righty said, her voice far softer as she pushed herself up and dusted herself off. So much for her one claim to uniqueness. “What’s an Exorcist doing down here?” The question sparks nothing from the other Exorcist. “Um, okay, maybe that’s a touchy subject. Well… uh… my name’s Righty. What’s yours?” Nothing- and now she was walking away. “Wait!”

The moment Righty grabbed her, the Exorcist reacted, and Righty did as well, summoning her halberd to her hand to block… the… fist?

Her brows furrowed while the other’s shot up in surprise. “Where’s your weapon?”

The Exorcist backs away and tilts her head, pointing to her ear.

“You can’t hear me?” Righty presses her lips into a thin line. “I don’t remember that being a rule of Purgatory- oh! Are you deaf?”

After saying the word, Righty remembered that she is, as Lefty often put it, a bit dumb sometimes.

Thinking quickly, she used the butt of her halberd to scratch into the dirt at their feet.

‘Deaf?’

The Exorcist read the word- upside down, because Righty didn’t think that far ahead- and nodded.

Righty smiled. “Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.” She quickly wiped the word away with her shoe and scratched out another word.

‘Name?’

She then pointed at herself and shook her right hand while speaking slowly. “Righty. My name is Righty.”

The flat look she received in response seemed to convey that speaking slowly wasn’t helping. However, the Exorcist motioned for her halberd and Righty handed it over, watching as she scratched out her name.

‘Rin.’

“Rin.” Righty nodded, then looked up to see Rin cross two fingers, then extend her pinky, then loop her two fingers over her thumb. Three hand gestures, three… letters? Was that how to spell her name? Righty raised her left hand and mimicked the motions, much to Rin’s surprise. “Like that?”

Rin tilted her head, her lips curling slightly. She did the motions again, then capped it off by crossing her fingers and moving her hand like… a sword? No, wait- if the other gestures were letters, maybe this was… pronouncing the word?

‘R-I-N, Rin?’

Rin nodded. She did only the gesture and pointed towards Rin and received a nod in response.

“Okay, so I know how to say… er, well… I’ve got your name.” Righty once again resorted to drawing in the dirt. ‘Out?’

Rin shook her head, looking crestfallen.

“Yeah, I figured.” Righty sighed, looking around… but there was nothing to see. So… they had time. 

‘Teach?’

Rin raised a brow, and only then did Righty really adjust to being in Purgatory enough to notice the scars on her face. She’d either had to fight one of the Dominions or… that was from before…

Righty pointed at Rin, then at her own ear. She did the signs for Rin’s name, then wrote her own name in the dirt and pointed to it.

Rin rolled her eyes and turned as if to leave but stopped a few steps away, shoulders falling as she turned back. One of Rin’s wings extended and, for all the time Righty had been gone from Heaven, her stripes remained. While nothing else about them might be the same, their wings were similar enough that Rin turned back, tapped her foot against the ‘g’ in Righty’s name, and made a sign with her hand.

Righty smiled.

Now, they were really getting somewhere!

—

Time didn’t really exist in Purgatory. There was no day or night, just a persistent gray miasma that weighed everything down. After hours of learning how to do the hand language, they started walking. The direction didn’t seem to matter as their footing never seemed to change, just the desolate wasteland of Purgatory. In the distance, Righty could hear others lamenting their fate and the rush of Dominion wings hunting them down, silencing them. There were others in the fog, quieter, but still holding out hope that it might end.

Righty felt bad for them… Purgatory was supposed to have an end point but, after the Exterminations started, Heaven had closed the path up the mountain and shrouded the whole of it in fog. There was no salvation awaiting them. Hope and faith could not save them.

Rin, of course, couldn’t hear them, but she could see their shadows in the fog and steered clear of them. It made sense. They didn’t really resemble the Dominions but mortals would see wings and jump to conclusions. Rin probably would’ve avoided Righty if there hadn’t been imminent danger, and the way the Exorcist tensed, as if she could sense the Dominions’ approach… she’d been there for a long time.

They walked until they were tired, then sat and Righty learned some more. Hunger and thirst weren’t much of a concern but sleep was- at least, for Righty. Rin seemed content to sit, hunched over, and just rest.

Well… none of that.

Righty waved to get Rin’s attention. ‘Down.’

‘What?’

‘Down.’ She didn’t know the word for sleep, so she spelled it. ‘S-L-E-E-P.’

Rin shook her head.

‘N-O T-R-U-S-T?’

‘Yes.’ Righty huffed out a breath and got to her feet. ‘What?’

Righty explained, brokenly, that she’d remain standing until Rin laid down, to which the Exorcist shrugged and acted as if she didn’t care.

So there Righty stood for a few hours, at least, before Rin became frustrated enough to lie down on her back, arms crossed over her chest and glaring at Righty. Righty smiled and sat down, laying the shaft of her halberd across her lap. ‘Me, F-I-R-S-T W-A-T-C-H.’

‘You S-U-C-K.’

Righty stuck out her tongue and Rin rolled her eyes. Little did Rin know, Righty had experience dealing with Ass’ stubbornness, but the cantankerous Fallen had one really solid point: when they were all they had left, it meant they had to stick together. There was no escaping Purgatory. So, for all intents and purposes, it was just her and Rin. They had to take care of each other.

After about ten minutes of glaring, Rin had resigned herself to the situation enough to fall into a short but deep sleep.

Interestingly, she snored. Righty thought it was kinda cute.

—

It took a few nights for the exhaustion to wear off enough that Righty understood why Rin had refused to sleep. Nightmares plagued her, left her gasping and watching with a silent cry on her lips and tears in her eyes. Whatever had caused her to be sent to this place, the wounds were not visible but they were deep. 

Righty felt for her. At least through all the things she’d experienced, she had Lefty at her side. Sure, she was around less after getting together with Tits, and that was… an adjustment, at first. But, still, she had someone. Rin had been alone for so long.

They walked in the same direction every day. Rin eventually explained she wasn’t looking for an exit- she knew none existed- but sitting still would drive them both crazy. They were Exorcists, hunters of Sinners- they were meant to be restless and persistent. So, they walked.

Rin didn’t seem to like talking about her existence prior to Purgatory and Righty didn’t exactly have the vocabulary… but she tried. She explained the hotel, the other Fallen, some of their hijinks; she learned how to ‘say’ their names. Junior got a ‘J’ with both hands, kinda, but it was mixed with the word ‘change’. Lefty got ‘knowledge’ that then formed a ‘L’. Tits was a ‘T’ combined with ‘happy’. Ass got ‘A’ and ‘fight’. The one for Righty, she couldn’t really figure out; it was ‘R’ that Rin shook from her head. She refused to elaborate and Righty accepted it.

But what Rin didn’t tell her, Righty learned in other ways. Deaf she might be, Rin was still an Exorcist with the senses and skills of a trained huntress. She remained calm and poised throughout everything. There was never fear in those blazing orange eyes but just anger, burning just as hot as it had when they first met. Righty never got the sense Rin was mad at her- just… mad at being there, probably.

Honestly? Fair.

—

Righty had first watch again. Rin was beginning to stir from nightmares. She probably shouldn’t but… Righty moved quickly to Rin’s side and put a hand, gently on her shoulder- just to try and reassure her, maybe soothe her back to sleep. Rin leaned her head towards Righty’s hand in her sleep, as if needing the comfort…

She didn’t really… get it, when Lefty talked about Tits. She didn’t understand why Ass would risk her actual fucking existence for a joke. When her heart skipped a beat, though… she got it. She understood why Lefty got so flustered, why Ass faced down Sera’s wrath. Her lips lifted into a smile and she moved her hand to, very carefully, cup Rin’s cheek, avoiding her scars and just soothing her back into slumber.

It was probably stupid of her to think it… but Purgatory might be worth this feeling.

—

Maybe it was just wearing her down or some good, nightmare-less ‘nights’, but Rin started to loosen up a little. She smiled a bit when Righty got through a whole story without having to spell out any words. She even laughed!

Righty wished the others could meet her. Tits would love to learn how to do the hand language and Lefty would find it stimulating. Junior got along with just about everyone. Even Ass, if she’d made it back to Hell, would have a blast learning a new way to curse.

Little daydreams like that got her through the monotony of just… walking. She’d never walked this much before. Even around the hotel, she usually found an excuse to use her wings at least a little bit.

She also found herself wondering if she should say anything… it wasn’t like they were pressed for time. They had all eternity. She could wait.

Honestly, she probably should.

Righty heard the wings first and quickly put her halberd out, signaling to Rin for both of them to kneel down as a Dominion passed overhead.

Rin smiled at her and nodded. ‘Good job.’

She smiled wide in return.

Fuck, she really wouldn’t last long, would she?

—

They sat side-by-side, preparing to get through another ‘day’ of walking. Righty cleared her throat. “You know… I really like you.”

From the corner of her eye, she could tell Rin wasn’t paying her much attention. She couldn’t hear Righty. So, no risk.

“And… it’s weird because I’ve never felt like this before… I thought I was happy just having friends but… I get it now. What love feels like. So… if nothing else, thank you for… being my first love.”

Rin blinked and turned towards her, brows furrowed. ‘What?’

Righty smiled in response. ‘Thinking out loud.’

Rin drew back and raised a brow. ‘You can think?’

Righty shoved at her shoulder, laughing, and saw the laughter in Rin’s eyes matching her.

—

They were walking again, of course, when she suddenly felt a… tug… and stopped.

Rin stopped, too, looking at her with a questioning tilt to her head.

Righty shrugged- then was tugged again, backwards, stumbling a step.

In that moment, for the first time, she saw fear in Rin’s eyes. ‘Rin-’

A portal ripped open behind her and black talons sunk into her. Righty dropped her halberd to reach out for Rin even as the Exorcist tried to grab her- but too late. She was ripped backwards through the portal…

… and into the hotel lobby.

“Righty!” Lefty and Tits spoke in unison, Tits offering her a hand up while Lefty dropped down beside her.

‘Send me back!’ Both of them just stared at her. Right, they can hear her. “Send me back!”

“Absolutely not.” She twisted around, watching as Prince Stolas shook his head. “Opening a portal to Purgatory puts all of Hell at risk. If one of those Dominions gets loose, it will be pandemonium!”

“Okay, then go back and grab Rin!”

Owlish features furrowed in confusion. “Who?”

“She’s another Exorcist- she’s down there and-”

He raised a hand to stop her. “I was only able to get you back because you are not marked for Purgatory. I can’t yank any soul from that dreary place. Lucifer might have that power but I doubt it.”

“Wait, there was another Exorcist there?” Lefty put a hand on Righty’s shoulder. “A Fallen?”

“N-no.”

“Ah, then, yes, she would be far beyond my power to… save.” Prince Stolas bowed his head, truly contrite. “I’m dreadfully sorry, my dear.”

“But… Rin… she’s still there…” Righty looked between the three of them… but to no avail. “No…”

Lefty pulled her into a hug as she started to cry, and Tits joined them. For the first time since Falling, she truly feels like she’s in Hell.

((@lost-rin))

[gakucchis]

my story about ♡being cyber bullied by the love live fandom even though i didn’t do anything♡

this has nothing to do with obey me and i doubt anyone will read this but.. who wants to know the story about how the whole love live fandom in 2017 was bullying and harassing me?? alright alright calm down everybody if you wanna know sooo badly

my account name for ig back then was dagashimanga/honokasmanjuu. i really just wanted an account to share my love live obsession with and shitpost.

if you were around back then, you remember the most famous love live confessions account on ig and all the DRAMA it came with. like so so much went down there it was hilarious. anyway, i was friends with one of the admins, her user was christmas.eli.

she was like one of my first internet friends. i live in germany and she lived in france, so sometimes we’d talk like the whole night. we were super close.

until… KAYLEE happened.

now, if you were around back then… you know who tf that is!! it was a (presumably) 10-13 year old girl who would have tons of accounts (talking 20+), all very girly and feminine, super pink, etc. she would either wanna be your friend or hate you to death, and often times when you wouldn’t become her friend or wouldn’t do the right thing, she’d hate you, stalk you, harass you, everything. blocking her didn’t work.

so, one day, i was her victim. idk how it started, but something set her off. she harassed me, texted me, created an account called honokasmanjuuu and copied my posts word for word lmao

a few days later, i took a nap and woke up to see my ig BLOWING up. what the hell happened? well, kaylee fabricated a screenshot of the worst thing you could do in the love live fandom: scam someone of their sif account. she sent it to the love live confessions account for awareness, and guess who approved and posted it? my dear christmas.eli!

my account was full of people telling me how horrible i am, how i deserve to die, etc. people found my private, real life account, commenting there, using my pictures and spreading them (mind you i was 14), telling me how ugly i am, how ugly my art is, even photoshopping me on a pig lmao

i texted christmas.eli and told her it was fake and asked her why she would do this to me instead of talking to me first. she absolutely hated me and told me to block her. my irl best friend (to this das mwuah) even tried explaining it to her but she didn’t want to hear any of it. the bullying got so bad, i deactivated any accounts i had — it was full on cyber bullying. i couldn’t listen or watch anything love live related because it was so traumatizing at the time.

i created new accounts, where one girl even texted me, and after talking to her she trusted me and felt sorry for me, before also turning on me and telling the confessions account my new user. i quickly deleted the account and started anew, without anyone except my irl friends and like 2-3 mutuals.

funny thing though: my new account actually grew quite a bit, and one day, christmas.eli followed me even. nobody knew who i really was because i kept private information at bay and started using an internet name (which, to this day!!, is ria ♡). and… i actually became her friend again, acting like i was someone else lmao.

she was close with two other girls, all three had big accounts, and one day the other two girls posted a screenshot of my account because i said something along the lines of most men only using male sa victims to minimize female sa victim awareness (which is true!). they called me a sexist who doesn’t care about male sa which is just as bad.. girl where did i say that….. anyway, i was only bullied for a day so ig it’s okay!

if you’ve read this far, wow, congrats. if you know me from back then (dagashimanga, honokasmanjuu, gakucchis and now gakuwucchis (you can follow me, but not very active)) let me know! also let me know if you bullied me too, no hard feelings unless you’re one of the three girls. because then i wish you hell on earth!

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Apology bread | {RenGiyuu}

Theme: Angst+Fluff

Note: Guys this was part 69 (including drafts) 😋✨ (on wattpad lmao-)

Giyuu shook his head, crossing his arms and glaring down at the crowd of demon slayers around him. He didn't understand why they kept crowding him. No matter how many times he ran away from them, they kept coming back. Asking him questions. Why the fuck were they doing this? 

He jumped, over all of the people, landing on the outside of the ring they'd created around him, then he ran. Ran fast as he could. But they persisted, following him as he sped past roads, ignoring the way they shouted at him to come back. He kept running then found himself in a field where Sanemi was training. He backed against a tree and tried to hide himself as the group of demon slayers went up to Sanemi and asked where Giyuu was.

Sanemi, spotting Giyuu and seeing his desperate look that clearly said don't tell them!!, Sanemi grinned and said, "Tomioka? Oh, well, he just so happened to have past by here! Look, he's right there, hiding pathetically behind the trees."

Giyuu felt all eyes turn to him and he shrank back, shooting Sanemi a glare before he shot up and ran through the trees, hearing the pattering of footsteps as the others followed him. He turned suddenly and then ran into Kyojuro who flinched back, surprised.

"Hello, Tomioka!" he said cheerfully.

Giyuu gritted his teeth as he was held back by the chattering male. The other demon slayers quickly found him and swarmed around him. He glared at Kyojuro and muttered under his breath, "Look what you've done." 

Kyojuro, surprised, stood still for a minute, confused. Then he realized that Giyuu didn't seem to want these people around him at all and said, loudly, "Maybe you should all leave him alone, he doesn't seem to want you around him right now!"

The demon slayers turned to each other, talking, not listening to Kyojuro until he said, a lot louder, "Please leave, we need to do important Hashira things!!" It was a lie, but at least it got most of the people away.

A couple stayed thought, but they left when Giyuu glared at them and told them that if they didn't leave, he would rip his own arm off and use it as bait so the demons would eat them. When only one left, Giyuu scratched a thick line down his arm and showed them the blood he'd drawn from it. They left then and he sighed, tired. He sat down on a rock next to him and patted at the blood with the corner of the red side of his haori.

Kyojuro had been shocked by this side of Giyuu and hadn't said anything, but now he crouched next to the Hashira and said, "Are you alright? The wound doesn't look deep."

"I'm fine," Giyuu grunted, pulling his sleeve down over the scratch. "It's nothing."

"Okay," Kyojuro decided, smiling. "Why were they following you, though? Did they want something?"

"Because someone," gritted out Giyuu, curling his hands into fists, "told one of them that I refused to talk to anyone about myself or something, and they started following me trying to get something out of me. They've been doing this all day! And they were everywhere."

"Oh? Who told them?" Kyojuro asked, curious. 

"Shinazugawa or Iguro, I'm guessing," Giyuu muttered. He glared up at Kyojuro. "What do you want anyways? All you did was make it worse but blocking my way."

"I'm sorry! If I had known, I wouldn't have done that," the Flame Hashira apologized, not seeming to notice how irritated Giyuu was.

"Yeah, sure. But if you see me running from something again, either you help me, get out of my way, or run with me. If you don't, I'll just let them trample all over you and I will fucking help them," Giyuu said, his voice low. He stood, then, and didn't meet Kyojuro's stunned gaze as he strode away. "I'm going to train now, make sure they don't follow me."

Kyojuro nodded, his eyes still wide. He didn't realize Giyuu swore. Though, of course, he'd never heard Giyuu talk this much at once, so.. there was always a first for everything. 

~~~

Giyuu walked quietly to his estate, making his way to the room he held his practice swords and taking the first one he saw. As he started swinging, he thought about what he'd just said. He probably shouldn't have said that, if he was being honest. Kyojuro had helped him in the end, even if he had made it momentarily worse. 

Whatever, it's not like it mattered anyways. Kind of. Well, maybe it did matter to Giyuu. Maybe it did because Kyojuro had always been so nice to him. Even with all these reasons to be mean. 

Giyuu sighed, putting down the wooden katana and sitting on a chair he'd brought over to the room earlier. Yes, he definitely regretted saying that. But he would hate to apologize. How do people even apologize. Like, "Oh hii, sorry for swearing at you, like yes I know you're always so nice to me and I always ignore you and I had no reason to be mean to you—though I was really tired and irritated but that's not the point—so, uh, sorry hope you forgive me byee!" 

Seriously, though. How? Do they give gifts, maybe? Ohh, Giyuu could buy something for Kyojuro maybe. His next mission was in a city anyways, there was sure to be a lot of gift shops there. Yes, he would try that.

~~~

He nearly forgot to buy the present after he finished his mission. He'd been about to leave then remembered, with a jolt, that he had wanted to get something for Kyojuro. He went off to the nearest shop he found—which ended up being a bakery—and looked around. He saw himself in a mirror and realized what a mess he probably looked right now, his hair disheveled, dark circles under his eyes, a couple bruises here and there and a bleeding cut on his cheek. And it was 5am so it was probably even more concerning. Well, if someone asked he would explain it.

He walked forward, making sure his katana was mostly covered by his haori—which he had tied around his waist to appear more casual—then went to the cashier. "Hi," he said quietly.

There was nobody else there besides himself—though that made sense considering the time—so it was very quiet there. 

"Uh. Hello, sir, what would you like?" the cashier said, raising an eyebrow at his injuries. 

"Yes, uhm, I want," Giyuu paused. "Uh, bread?"

"What kind?"

"Soft-?" Giyuu suggested. 

"No, sir," the cashier said, amused. "I meant what, well, no matter. Here's a list of the types of bread we sell, pick which would be most to your liking. A couple if you want."

"Oh. Okay." Giyuu picked up the paper and scanned it, overwhelmed by the amount. "Right, uhm. This one," he said, pointing to the first one on the list. 

"Anything else?" the man asked, writing down what Giyuu had pointed at. 

"Can I get two of those and, uh.. whatever this one is?" Giyuu added, pointing at another bread towards the bottom of the list that had caught his eye. It was quite radiant, a group of bread buns with what appeared to be frosting that patterned the bread in waves of fire with something Giyuu couldn't identify sprinkled on top.

"The custard buns?" the cashier asked, looking down at the menu.

"Uh, yep," Giyuu said, nodding.

"To go or for here?" the man asked.

"Here, I suppose."

"Right, I'll get it. Please wait here, sir. If you want, take a seat over at the tables it should only be five minutes," he said, retreating to the back of the bakery.

"Alright," Giyuu said, nodding.

As he waited, he thought of what he might say to Kyojuro. Should he say "sorry?" Or should he write a note? He should write a note, maybe, it would be less awkward.

Giyuu sighed and waited by the counter, watching the clock as the minutes ticked by. Four minutes later, the cashier came back with a red box that had a stamp of the logo of the bakery and a clear plastic part on the top in which Giyuu could see the bread neatly placed inside. 

"Oh, thanks. Uhm, if you don't mind, do you have any pen or paper I could use?" Giyuu asked, taking the box.

"Yes, I do. Does it matter the size of the paper?" the cashier asked.

"Not exactly, just," Giyuu said, thinking. "About the size of my hand?"

"Sure," he said, searching his pockets until he found a blank sheet of paper. "Is this alright?"

"Yes, thank you." Giyuu took the pen and paper the cashier had provided him and then thanked him again, as he left.

"Of course, sir! I hope you come back another time, have a good day," the man said, smiling.

Giyuu nodded and then turned, finding his way out of the city and back on the road to his house where he headed towards where he presumed Kyojuro was.

~~~

He found Kyojuro standing in a field, quiet, calm. He tilted his head a little, surprised at this, for he'd only ever seen the Flame Hashira extremely energetic and talkative. But then Kyojuro turned around and Giyuu was forced to let himself be acknowledged. 

"Hello, Giyuu, how are you today?" Kyojuro asked, though it still seemed like there was a touch of calm in his voice as he spoke.

"Fine. Here," Giyuu said, thrusting forward the box and the note where he'd written his apology on. 

"For me?" Kyojuro said, surprised.

Giyuu nodded nervously, though unsure why he was nervous. He watched the other Hashira read the note then look at the box, opening it. Kyojuro smiled and looked up at Giyuu. "Thank you! This was quite sweet of you, I appreciate it!"

Giyuu shrugged, unsure what to say.

"Also, about yesterday, it's alright I understand you weren't feeling the best after all of the people coming up to you. So, there was no need to apologize like this," Kyojuro said. "I'm still keeping the bread, though, it looks delicious. You can have some if you want, though, of course!"

Giyuu shook his head, although he was surprised about the fact that he hadn't needed to apologize. "It's fine."

"Okay then!" Kyojuro tucked the note in his belt and then took out one of the bread buns, immediately diving into it. 

Giyuu stood awkwardly. He didn't know if he should leave no or if he should stay. But then Kyojuro motioned him over and he moved forward, standing next to the Hashira. 

"Tomioka?" Kyojuro said, looking over at Giyuu.

"Hm?"

Kyojuro closed the box, placing his half eaten bread back into it, then hugged Giyuu tightly, letting go before he even had the chance to register what was happening. "Thank you, again, you went to all this trouble to get me this and to apologize," he said, smiling. "So thank you, Tomioka-San! It was very nice of you!"

Giyuu nodded, feeling himself calm a little. "Your welcome," he said softly.

{Word count: 1829}

The silly wheel choose: Angsty fluff; right person wrong time, threats, regret, comfort, presents, and acceptance.

Anyways I didn't really do the 'comfort' and 'acceptance' since I didn't know what I was going to do with that and I wanted to post today

Uhh unsure how to feel about this oneshot if I'm being honest, and Giyuu was a little ooc but I'll live I guess 😭

Bye bye :3

[bomberqueen17]

writing etc

Well so I did push through on writing this week. Retrieved my real computer yesterday so I did all of the work on my old laptop, resurrected, short on battery life, unable to charge except for some reason from one particular outlet in the house, who knows why.

But anyhow. I finally got through the block on the next chapter of the Peace-Tied continuity, which-- I just scrolled back in a Discord thread where I'd been discussing it and I got as far as December of 2022 before i was squarely before this point. So it's been a big block for a while. And now I'm like.........

where was I going after this

LOL it's such a weird feeling, to have finally worked past a scene you'd been planning on writing-- and the thing is, I really wasn't sure which direction it would go, my first draft of it was way too much one direction and I'd written it ahead of the setup, and once I did the setup that draft didn't really work anymore, and some of the setup was from ideas I'd had years before, and needed fixing, and anyway it's been many drafts and I wasn't sure where it would come out. And I'm still not sure what it actually means. But now I have to go back and look at what my ideas were for the next bits, and figure out where I'm taking those.

And the chapter isn't even ready to post, i still need to go back and make sure I've walked the fine line between "character doing what I need him to" and "ooc", and I'm ngl I'm a bit resigned to it coming down on the "ooc" side, but I console myself nobody who minds that is still reading along with this unless they're quietly hate-reading in which case you do you, I respect that.

So I'm actually at the point in both ongoing serieses where I'm like...... past a big block I've been trying to strategize around for a long time. And on to a next section I've mostly not let myself write ahead. So it's weird uncharted territory, especially when you're not an outliner. (I can't do outlines, really, I can only speculate about what might happen next, and more often than you'd think I absolutely know where to take things despite not having overtly planned them, but. I secretly suspect this takes up all of the brain space I have, which most people use for like, their daily life, and this is why ADHD meds can't fix me, because my head is entirely full of fictional realities and there's just not room for real ones. IDK. Can I know where I left my keys? No I may not have that information because I filled the place where it goes with different Wet Cat Boy scenarios, sorry.)

anyway I think it's even odds, looking back at the last posted chapter, how many commenters expect this scene to go where it went.

Behind the cut: a snippet of what happens next in Eagle Sable, Lozenge Gules, which left off with Iorveth's Unicorn Badge story which had taken me a couple of years to write too. I will update that chapter soon so don't click if you really want to be surprised I guess, LOL. But I don't realistically know how long the final edits will take me. I'm off to the farm tomorrow probably, and it's three weeks there this time, so. Not a ton of time for writing, coming up. But the hard part's done, I hope.

“You might have to hold the pup’s collar,” Iorveth said, cutting the consonants sharply to punctuate his languid tone, “he seems a bit overexcited.” Roche had forgotten about the dog collar. He’d noticed Gascon was wearing it, but that memory had fallen right out of his head. But there it was, thick and studded, brown leather with sturdy brass hardware, exactly the style of collar Flash and Nosewise had worn. He reached down and cradled Gascon’s jaw, just as Iorveth had done to his. “I don’t think I need to haul on that collar,” he said softly. “I know a good dog when I see one.”  “Takes one to know one,” Gascon said, brash and uneasy. Iorveth clicked his tongue disapprovingly, but said nothing. Roche looked consideringly into Gascon’s face. He wasn’t a bad-looking fellow, really, strong-jawed and young, and even more appealing with the brashness shredded away a little.  “Well,” Roche said, “time to prove it,” and leaned in to press his mouth to Gascon’s. Gascon tasted like wine too, but it tasted different in his mouth than it had in Iorveth’s. Roche pulled from his physical memory and slid his tongue into Gascon’s mouth just as Iorveth had to him, and Gascon made a soft little whimpering noise and opened up to him. 

[the12thnightproject]

Chapter 29: Girl Talk. Mai and Katsuko try to pass the Bechdel test.

Mitsuhide x OC; Hideyoshi x MC (Mai)

All Chapters Archived on Ao3 

Logline - With Mai, Hideyoshi, and Aki missing, Mitsuhide and Katsuko reluctantly team up. Disguised as a merchant and his concubine, can they outsmart the man known as the God of Deceit?

As the splash from the cannonball rippled out in circles, rocking our boat, I risked standing up to scan the water’s surface looking for something, some sign, proof of life, I guess.

How long could Mitsuhide hold his breath, if that was what he was doing?

What if that blast had knocked him out?

Maybe he was even now sinking deeper and deeper?

Before I could second guess myself, I prepared to dive in, but Kyubei had made the same decision, and made it faster. He thrust the crossbow into my hands and tore off his clothing-

Sploosh!

Right next to us, a geyser of water and Mitsuhide erupted out of the ocean. He took a deep gasping gulp of air. Casually, he folded his arms on the side of the boat, looking like a Sengoku era Kilroy, and into our silence said, "Kyubei? Where are your clothes?

Relief warred with an urge to-

"Far be it from me to point out the obvious, Kaya, but the Mouri ship is over there, and not in the middle of my forehead. May I gently suggest you point that weapon... that way." He gestured to a point over my shoulder.

For one moment, I entertained a rather murderous thought and kept the weapon where I was aiming it for an extra long pause before I returned the crossbow to Kyubei, who had quickly thrown his haori back on. "It's a wonder none of your friends have murdered you yet." I'd addressed it half to Mitsuhide and half to Hideyoshi, who was still sputtering outraged syllables.

"I've often wondered the same about you." Mitsuhide slid into the boat with athletic grace, and then elegantly knocked some water out of his ears.

"Oh that’s easy enough. I don’t have any friends," I tossed it out there without thinking, although I suppose it’s more or less the truth. Unless you counted Sasuke, who was currently five hundred years in the future (right - Mai and I still needed to compare notes once we got out of this situation). Anyway, now wasn't the time to dwell on my friendless state. The immediate danger of the Mouri’s rowboat had passed, but we were still stuck in the lagoon, with a pirate ship blocking our exit.

The morning sun soon revealed that our state had become even more precarious, illuminating  the Mouri soldiers who were waiting for us on the shore. Well, since we’d – I’d – burned down their fort, they’d probably be a lovely welcoming committee should we decide to take our chances on swimming back to the island. I doubted they’d be greeting us with a plate of cookies.

Mitsuhide seemed supremely unconcerned by any of that. He'd pulled his clothes back on, though the fabric clung damply to his wet body. I looked away. It wasn’t worth dwelling on. As if nothing major had interrupted the morning, he asked Mai and Hideyoshi if they managed to get any rest.

“Until your pre-dawn swim, I did.” Hideyoshi’s response was a growl, the ‘you self-sacrifical ass’ went unspoken but was still broadcast loud and clear.

After a quick glance at the position of the sun, Mitsuhide scanned the horizon to the north, and nodded as something large and dark glided into sight. Many somethings. "Perfectly on time," Mitsuhide turned to Hideyoshi. "After all your lectures, is it not gratifying to know that Masamune can be prompt when it's absolutely necessary?"

The long dark thing separated into a line of iron hulled warships. The Oda fleet of atakebune.  It was obvious that Motanari’s single Portuguese vessel was outgunned. Hideyoshi easily flipped into tactical mode as he gazed at the approaching reinforcements. “What happened to the Mouri navy?”

“We moved up the timetable and got here first,” Mitsuhide said, as Motonari’s carrack raised sails, the blue sash still flying from the top of it, and booked it out to sea.

The Oda fleet, built for coastal defense, didn’t bother to follow.

Mitsuhide smiled and turned his face to the sun. "Lovely day for a sail, would you say?" He didn’t quite get to the point of an ‘I love it When a Plan Comes Together’, but it was implied. 

By the time we’d made our way out of the cove to meet Oda’s large vessel, Hideyoshi had apparently either forgiven Mitsuhide for worrying him, or decided that it was all a part and parcel of the entity of Mitsuhide.  Conversely, Mitsuhide had not forgiven me for leaving the tree to rescue Mai. I was effectively shut out of whatever conversation there was, and left to sit quietly in the end of the boat.

Probably when we got onboard Nobunaga’s ship, I would be in for a full lecture, without the audience of Hideyoshi and Mai.

Once we were off Kyubei’s little sailboat, Mitsuhide was reabsorbed into his life as Nobunaga’s left-hand man, and I was left on the sidelines. I would have volunteered to do something to help… but they didn’t really need me. The Oda clan, while completely polite, was a mostly well-oiled machine (with one rather clumsy exception). Everyone had tasks, and everyone performed them diligently, with no stopping to rest or relax or socialize. With Motonari having evaded capture and sailed off into the sunset, the Oda warlords were far too involved in what they called “war council,” to find some busywork for me to do (I’d asked Hideyoshi, and been politely told to “take a well earned rest young lady”).

Though Nobunaga formally thanked me for my help, he was of course mostly holed up with Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide, apparently plotting out the next step. The ship we were on, was of Portuguese construction too, so of course it could pursue Motonari, but it was too risky a move to pursue without the support of the shore-hugging atakebune, so we were headed... where?

"Sakai first." The only member of the Oda's inner circle to spend any time at all talking to me was a sweet young man named Mitsunari. He had found me sitting on deck watching the coasts of the Southern islands drift past and had paused to answer my question. In spite of, or perhaps because of, his rather absentminded air, I found Mitsunari a restful companion, and during the few times I was in all the warlords’ presence, I'd gravitated toward his side.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t dislike any of them (aside from Mitsuhide, I needed to hold onto my hate like a winter parka in a blizzard) but I didn’t know them well enough to hang out. For the most part, they were all more focused on nurturing Mai. Though she was Hideyoshi's woman, it was clear she was a favorite of all of them. Maybe even their "center" for lack of a better word. Nobunaga called her his lucky charm, and though she was from my time originally, she had become a true Oda Princess in character as well as in name.

I realized that Mitsunari was still talking. Oops. I'd phased right out. "I'm sorry, I missed that." Impolite Katsu!

“Oh. Do you do that too? Sometimes it is hard to keep what is in my head quiet enough to see what is going on around me.” Mitsunari seemed unbothered by my inattention. "Not to worry Lady Kaya. I am certain you have much on your mind too. I asked you if you were coming back to Azuchi with Mitsuhide.”

"Um, I don't know." I didn’t know when Mitsuhide planned to go on to Azuchi. We'd had an agreement. If we didn’t find Aki with Mai and Hideyoshi, he'd promised to keep helping my search. But, would he consider that agreement still valid? The 'tree incident' (for want of a better description) might have invoked a disobedience clause. "I should discuss that with him."

"Hideyoshi asked Mitsuhide if they should prepare one of the guest quarters in the castle for you, but I didn’t hear what the answer was." Mitsunari paused, as if trying to form another question in his head, and then dropped the conversation entirely when a gust of wind grabbed one of his papers and blew it toward the sails.

"I'll get that!" I already knew that we did not want Mitsunari climbing around in the rigging. Over the past couple of days, he'd tripped over a bucket, sending dirty water across the entire deck, nearly garroted himself on a sail line, and had knocked Ieyasu overboard (luckily we'd been anchored at the time).

Just as I was reaching for the paper… I’ve done this before. It was another of those odd not-my-memory memories: a vision of climbing a tree to retrieve one of Mitsunari's papers. I closed my eyes to ward off the image, and that feeling of displacement that accompanied it.

 A set of cool hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me back into the present. Into reality. Mitsuhide. I could feel this touch through my clothing. "I realize that you find vertical surfaces nearly irresistible, but I must insist you refrain from scampering about like a demented squirrel." He plucked me off the mast and set me on the deck.

I handed the paper to Mitsunari, and mouthed 'Help me' at him. He simply bowed and wandered away, leaving me alone with Mitsuhide for the first time since the tree incident. Granted, we weren't technically alone. Not with the Oda vassals and sailors scurrying around us, but Mitsuhide had that way of pitching his voice low and quiet and somehow erecting a force field around a conversation. We might have been invisible.

"I wasn't demented. I was helping Mitsunari. Do you really want him climbing around up there?" Besides this time, Mitsuhide hadn't told me not to climb. He was probably just seizing the opportunity to finish his long delayed lecture and — his hands were still holding onto my waist.  I took a step back. Even after we broke apart, I could still feel the impression of his fingers, as if I had been clay, and he a sculptor.

"What I would like is for you start using that brain of yours for something beyond fighting me." He tapped his finger on my forehead. "Think before you leap... up... or down."

Feeling unfairly accused, I fell into the trap and spoke without thinking. "And maybe you should listen before you leap to conclu- "

"Kaya!" Out of nowhere, Mai appeared and grabbed my hand. "Finally. I’ve been wanting to talk to you forever." She turned to Mitsuhide and gave him a dazzling smile. "Excuse us. Girl talk. You can have her back later."

Before he (or I for that matter) could respond, she'd tugged me away, keeping hold of my hand until we were safely in the quarters she was sharing with Hideyoshi. That man was nowhere in sight, probably he was still strategizing with Nobunaga.

She slammed the door shut, then looked nervously over her shoulder, as if Mitsuhide could or have teleported through it. Then she sighed. “There.”

Though well timed, her rescue had seemed unprompted. "Did Mitsunari tell you I needed help?"

"Not exactly. He said you were with Mitsuhide, but seemed to have forgotten how to talk, I got curious.  And well, I was gonna let the two of you wallow in your u.s.t, but figured you both needed a cooling off period first." She plopped down on the bed (an actual European, raised off the floor bed) and bounced a little. "I wish we could take these back to Azuchi."

Ignoring the odd tangent, I focused on her initial comment. "First of all, a - that was not u.s.t., that was actual anger. It’s hard to tell with him because, b, he is carved from a block of ice, and, therefore, c, a cooling off period is redundant, oh and,“ I counted off on my fingers to make sure where I was in this list, "d, I don’t want to talk about him because it would be nice now that I've found another woman I can talk to, to have a conversation that passes the Bechdel test,  especially since you probably actually know what that is." And then, for emphasis, I plopped down on the bed, actually threw myself onto its softness and stared up at the ceiling. “You might have a point about the bed or - at least the pillow." I grabbed the pillow and hugged it to me. “Note to self. Next time I time travel, I’m bringing a pillow.”

“Shhhh.” She suddenly sat up and looked at the porthole… which was sealed shut. "Sorry. Not too many people know my secret. Just Hideyoshi and Nobunaga … and now you. But how did you know I was from the future when we've never met?"

"Sasuke knows, which is how I learned about you." Well more or less. Because it made more sense to start at the beginning, I did so, summarizing the past seven years as minimally as possible.

"Wait. You time travelled to your father, but he didn’t tell you he was your dad? That's kind of,” she seemed to be reaching for a word, but too polite to supply it.

So I did it for her. "Shitty. I know. Anyway Aki’s note mentioned Sasuke, so I hunted him down and we compared notes. Since you, Hideyoshi and Aki all disappeared from Sakai, Sasuke wondered if you all went into the wormhole. Or a wormhole. There could be more than one. Anyway. Details. Sasuke went to the future to see if he could find you there, leaving me to work with Mitsuhide here." I rolled my eyes to remind her of how that was going.

"He can be a tease sometimes but his heart is in the right place." I must have looked clearly skeptical on that, because she added, "The more he teases, the more he actually means what he says underneath."

So. He really means that I'm impossible. Why are we talking about him again? "Look, let's get back to my father, who may or not be somewhere in the future. Did Motonari ever mention Aki- or Akihira- or Yamaoka Akihira?"

She shook her head. "Honestly, we did not spend much time with him. He basically did some moustache twirling, locked us up on his ship, then sent us to that island. We were the only two prisoners, and once we were on the island, I only saw the guard who brought my food." She shivered, and I felt guilty about making her relive it.

Aki's disappearance was probably coincidence. Which meant, even though Mitsuhide had said he'd still help me after we found Mai and Hideyoshi, the chance of him having the resources to do so, if it involved time travel, was getting smaller and smaller. Even if I could figure out how to go through a wormhole on my own, it wouldn’t be right to ask Mitsuhide to come with me. Nor would he agree to leave this era. He was needed by Nobunaga – even, I as an outsider, could see how important he was.

Damn, I Really needed to see the rest of Aki’s letter. Hm. Shot in the dark. "Er. Did anyone mention anything about an Iekane? I think," I tried to recall the contents of the letter we'd found at de Sousa’s so long ago, “he was using the name Kanemori, and claimed to have access to silver mines.”

She wrinkled her nose in concentration – an action I bet charmed everyone around her. “Not ringing a bell. Is he another part of this conspiracy ��� or whatever it was?"

“He is, but I don't know how. Or how much.” And whether the silver mines were the end game, or something very different – something to do with Aki and time travel. “He’s who ended up with the Oda’s weapons shipment.”

"Sorry. Maybe Hideyoshi might know who he is?" She poked at my sleeve, which had gotten ripped in all the insanity on the island. "I need to be doing something with my hands while I talk. Do you mind if I grab my sewing kit and fix this?"

"You were kidnapped with your sewing box?" I hadn’t seen it when we were escaping.

"No. Mitsuhide had Kyubei bring it from Azuchi with the rest of our clothing. He was that certain he would find us. He had one of Hideyoshi's pipes too." She rummaged through a trunk, leaving me to sit with the memory of a puzzle box containing a pipe and a lock of Mai colored hair.

The sooner I get away from these people the better.

Mai returned to my side before I'd had a chance to move, or even think more clearly about my plans to extricate myself from this contract. Besides her sewing box, she'd brought a yukata for me to wear while she repaired my clothes. I thought of the turquoise one Mitsuhide had given me. Unlike Mai's clothes, my "Kaya" clothes were still in Sakai. That was ok though. I didn’t need to be Kaya, I needed to be Katsu, and I had all of Katsu’s identity with me.

"When we get back to Azuchi, I'd love to design something just for you. To thank you for the rescue." Mai hummed happily as she carefully sewed up the seam.

Ignoring the assumption that I’d be joining them in Azuchi, I simply told her. "If you could make a sports bra, I'd follow you to the ends of the earth."

"I know, right? No lycra in the Sengoku." She frowned." I might be able to rig something with cotton? But anyone who saw it would wonder at it. Besides, maybe it’s a time paradox too. What if some anthropologist found it?"

Given the whole Kenshin, Shingen, Motonari back from the dead, Nobunaga and Mitsuhide still alive situation, I doubted the existence of a sports bra would cause a time paradox. Not to mention… "No one is going to see my underwear." I pulled the sash of the yukata tighter. Mitsuhide had possibly seen everything while I was unconscious, but that had been a medical necessity. And if he had seen everything, he’d politely not mentioned it. A rare case of non-teasing.

Following my chain of thoughts, Mai produced a fairly credible interpretation of Mitsuhide's smirk. "Not even Mitsuhide?"

Ugh. Here we go again.

"We have a contract. We are all business when we're in private. And he's mad that I left the tree to rescue you." When she looked up in confusion, I added, "I wasn't supposed to be the one who broke you out. I was supposed to give them cover while they went in there. When you overpowered that first guard, the commander sent another guard to check it out, so I needed to get you before the second guy raised the alarm."

"I could explain that to him." She shook out the material, examining it for other tears and signs of wear.

"Don't. If he's not going to listen to me, I don't want him to have to take someone else's word first." Besides, in the past I had given him more than enough reasons to distrust me.

She hummed again, but from the look on her face, I suspected she was going to try and intercede anyway.

"Don't." I warned her once again. "It will work itself out one way or another." The another being that I'd be long gone. If these days on the boat had taught me anything, it was that Mitsuhide's life, his future belonged to Azuchi.

Whereas mine… I’d be moving on, looking for Aki, which it appears also meant hunting down Iekane.

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