#anyway sorry for the self analysis
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Hello ! Idk u obviously but I found ur blog after finding out about the current nrb Problems, and I saw u posted a while ago about how you’re being a bit “overly parasocial” in how upset u are re: the news. I felt the need to say that actually to me, it seems that ur not desensitised to hearing about these allegations, which is a good thing ! It shows u care ! Thanks for talking abt it openly on ur blog, I’m not in any nrb fan spaces bc I only discovered them a few months ago and I don’t really care for fandoms, but when I found out the news I came looking for other people who also felt weird about it bc solidarity, babeyyyy. So yes. I’m sorry that it’s getting to u, u seem like a very lovely person and I hope u have some other distractions to hand to get u thru !! What other interests have u gotten into recently ??
hi! thank you for this i appreciate it <33 solidarity of fans who feel shitty 🤝🤝
ive been distracting my brain w dimension 20 atm bcoz i have been meaning to watch it for So Long and what better to fill the friends playing games void really, love it a lot so far
#i think often the line between parasocial and Cares A Lot is thin + something i frequently like analyse w/in myself bc hyperfixation brain#makes me Care A Lot but i think i broadly am not that parasocial and when i was So Upset after first hearing it i was worried i was being#parasocial but i think probably#i just care a lot about this sort of thing + it coming from a hyperfixation was always gonna suck a lot#anyway sorry for the self analysis#thank you for this ask and i hope ur doing well 🫶🫶🫶#anyway d20 10/10 recommend its filling the empty space so nicely it may well become my brains Next Thing
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i know this has been said tons of times already in different ways but,
i just love the way Miguel and the Spider Society forcing everyone to follow the “canon” and telling Miles that he is not allowed to change the predestined story because “everyone else had to go through it” is an excellent metaphor for older generations re-enforcing to younger generations the ideology that the suffering they have to go through of whatever kind is normal and expected.
it’s like that saying “if i had to grow through hell, so do you.” but the thing is, Spiderman is the hero who is typically the one saying, “i’ll make sure you never go through hell like i did.” it’s such a cool way to show the conflict and disconnect between the two ideologies that Miles struggles with in the film
just….like the fact that Miguel and Jessica sort of symbolize the kind of parents who worked their asses off to make sure the world you live in will be better than theirs then feel upset and betrayed when their child who has the privilege to live a life they might have desired in the kid’s age. definitely didn’t find any relatability to that aha
I just love that it’s the fact that Spiderman’s story of losing Uncle Ben, losing the police chief, losing Gwen, are things Miles is told he cannot fight (the whole parallel between being told life = suffering and desiring a happier outcome won’t work). BUT THEN, Miles says fuck that! he says “no, why should i have to put up with that when i know i can change it!” and just 🫠
idk i love this movie and i hope this makes sense
#reason…..*checks notes* 28901 on why i love this movie and find Miles incredibly relatable#also the scene where Miguel reveals Miles is an ‘anomaly’ T^T the proJECTION!#the heavy projection that feeds into the insecurities and self doubt and self worth T^T ahahahahaha#but yeah#sorry the end felt rushed i was running out of energy and felt like i was just repeating myself#hope y’all found this coherent enough#anyway#atsv#atsv spoilers#atsv meta#atsv analysis#spiderman atsv#across the spider verse#miles morales#across the spiderverse#across the spider verse spoilers
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"What's Opera Titans" is a very fun episode, but if you happened to read my account's name... you know why i'm bringing it up
This whole segment of Robin having a dream about the past, when he was still Batman's sidekick, is more than just a silly dream when you take more things into consideration and are an expert yapper like me, so let's check it out.
First, this is a dream, so we have to be very careful since clearly not everything here is 100% true nor something that has happened before. After all dreams are mostly things we desire or thought about a lot.
With that in mind, isn't it interesting how Robin seems so out of character in the dream?
As we saw in "Sidekick", "Thanksgiving", and small parts of other episodes, Robin is terrorized of Batman. He is willing to do many things to not possibly piss Batman off, and is shown to get very anxious when it comes to Batman punishing him or just getting upset because of his own clumsiness.
It is true that, if we believe "Christmas Crusades" is a reflection of Robin and Batman's past relationship (and not just a parody without any deeper meaning), Dick isn't scared of him all the time. In fact, he idolizes Batman a lot and never complaints about anything, even if Bruce hurts him in any sort of way.
But regardless of Robin being or not like this in the past, he would never do something he knows would get him in trouble.
But in this dream, he purposefully goes and does the thing he's told not to do that would get him in trouble.
This is why I believe he is dreaming about something that never happened, but he wishes had.
He's dreaming about a Batman that's good with him, patting his head and not punishing him for his actions. He's dreaming about a reality where he doesn't have to be constantly scared to screw things up, something Robin really wishes could exist, but can only dream about.
_______________________________________________
Now, with the ooc thing out of the way, I would like to point out other things I noticed too that could not be as important as the latter but are still worth mentioning.
Dick doing acrobatics is an obvious reference to how he used to do them in the circus. He looks very calm doing them here compared to the excitement and happiness he was feeling with everything else, which I say is because it reminds him of the few happy times he had in the circus before his parents passed away, or it could also be because doing acrobatics reminds him of them in a way.
And lastly, this frame of Batman giving the look to Robin is oddly similar to the other look he gives Robin in "Manor and Mannerisms", with the difference that the dream one is more silly while the one from the real world is more threating and intimidating. This one's not as deep as the other things I talked about, but I found it to be an interesting coincidence.
#So yeah sorry for not posting anything in... *checks notes*.. A MONTH AND 19 DAYS???#oops; guess time flies when you're busy watching a marathon of TTG and doing homework at the same time#hopefully this post will motivate me to keep doing these analysis#anyways anyone else here loves young Robin? I calm him Dick to differentiate between him and his present self#teen titans go#ttg#ttg robin#ttg batman#ttg bruce wayne#I hope this is what you all were expecting....
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If you are still taking art requests, could you possibly do one of V x Thad? Its a ship I really like that isnt really that popular.
So what if you're a ghost of yourself?
You can haunt me.
[Requests are closed!]
#the caption is a reference to a post by notquiteaghost!!! I would link it but I don't want to go digging for it XP#they make me physically ill (positive)#I had to go full analysis mode on these two to figure out what i wanted to draw for this request and AUGH I love them!!!!!#the tender. soft. violence. as a flame is both dangerous and warm.#“I don't need you to be the antonym of violence. If I did I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't ask that of you”#vhad is about loving someone broken and loving them as they are!!!! not who they were before or who they could be but who they are now!!!#if i was a fic writer id be dangerous#anyway yeah these two got me into rarepairs. thanks for the request (sorry its completely self indulgent for me sdkjfsf)#murder drones#murder drones thad#serial designation v#vhad#killingblonde#<-- love that shipname it sounds like a horror movie lol#also if you want a real good vhad fic “They Came From Copper 9!” by doodlingNutjob is one of my faves#theres not alotta fics but yknow
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so many people have said that as you approach your 30’s things start to fall into place but I don’t feel that at all. the closer I get the more it feels that everything is dissolving and falling apart
#it’s not all in a bad way!#I’m hoping Wendell Berry is right and it may in fact be that when we have lost our way our real journey begins#and there is something where in the dissolution of certainty God enters and directs us the way He wants us to go#and reminds us that we’re not strong and independent from Him but children in His hands#but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the certainty of 2018/22/younger Maria#I don’t quite know this new self#except for teaching everything is uncertain and I sort of daren’t pick up the colored pencils of life to do anything with them#I guess that’s what makes me really grateful for teaching#it’s firm and sure contact between me and the outside world#but everything else is just drifting and I am at sea!#anyways I am so sorry for putting personal self-reflection and analysis on your dash on this Easter morning#ewww ugh disgusting blegh I’m sorry#but trying to gain some clarity through words#Happy Easter! thank you for listening!! praying for you all
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THIS IS GONNA SOUND SO MEAN BUT WHY DO U LIKE RYO AOKI/MASATO
masato hot
#snap chats#just like me... heh ... my ac has been broken all month im melting for the love of god send an iceberg im begging you#him turning into aoki is incredibly funny to me like jesus christ. what a lack of self love does to a mfer#but anyway 1.) please do not yell i scare easy 2.) meaner has been said its ok 3.) very reasonable to ask why anyone would like aoki#and 4.) to be Cereal he's inch resting to me. also his speech to ichi at the end hit a lil close and i was reminded of high school#5.) i really like his eng dub voice sorry im american. BUT HIS JP VOICE IS EXCELLENT TOO IM JUST SAYIN#rgg doesnt give an Exact on his disability so looking into lung diseases/conditions has also been interesting#esp post-lung surgery cases and care too so i thank rgg for the opportunity to do some reading#i also do In General just like cases of someone wanting to be loved and changing drastically to get it only to still be unhappy#granted. he sucks so LMAO can only have so much sympathy but it's still interesting to watch#the arakawas is also a part of why i like him because they all work as a big machine. if that makes sense#like the arakawas in general are such an interesting bundle i love all of them a lot because of what they mean to each other#in the case of aoki none of them mean anything to him at most resenting arakawa and despising ichi#meanwhile sawashiro's just. There LOL im so sorry king thats the truth of it all ... i love you tho ...#oh but back to aoki. i also really like politican characters- or at least characters who can have a 'public' persona#its fun thinking about what they have to do mentally to present themselves in public versus when they can 'be themselves'#like aoki's 'intro' scene where he's pleasant to his secretary and then a second later is conniving with ogasawara... peak i fear#OR THEEEE CAR PARK ONE i love that scene so much ...#very fun.. aoki being a politician just makes it infinitely funnier like guys we gotta bully the governor#plus i live and breathe by a glass analysis/comparison a twitter mutual of mine did ... i love glass imagery .......#uhhhh is that all ... idk prob im literally sweating my skin off i cant think right. my clothes are sticking to my skin i hate summer#i dont hate summer im so sorry i didnt mean it .... summer is beautiful .. i just wish this heat wasnt murdering me
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Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character
bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it
Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them
Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???
C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'
I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.
(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)
OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.
As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.
Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.
This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.
#ive always wanted to partake in pointless character debate on tumblr#considered maintagging this but didnt want people looking at your ask weird. sorry yall we serve fucked up scott here#“But bree” you might ask “what about pearl? He wasnt a very devoted partner then!”#and to that I say: pearl isnt a person to him. and neither is jimmy. Scott fucked up with both of them and unfortunately if he is not good-#and justified 100% of the time he loses his entire identity so convincing himself that they are incompetent or crazy so that he#doesnt have to self reflect is how he gets by. he would literally rather kill himself than earnestly admit fault for anything#… huh. about the above tags I dont remember the lore but is there any parallel there with the whole bright heart thing#genuine question bc I do not remember why blue star did that and I dont trust the wiki#(Trying to space out names so they dont tag)#I really hope this makes sense btw bc I feel like I usually list a lot more examples… but im tired#I can elaborate on any point here if need be ig. I dont talk about this aspect of him often because the literal entire fandom does already#Every scott analysis post out there is about his damn loyalty… anyways yeah scotts loyalty is transactional more often than emotional but#It’s still loyalty and also. hard to draw the line between where the emotions stop sometimes because he can stop giving a fuck about—#most things on a whim. How much scott genuinely cares about something is a forever undefinable concept#asks#he is genuinely a very good ally to have usually. like jimmy was very much the exception there#he does like helping people out he does. he’s just also emotionally detached so he tallies his favors and good deeds to bring up later if—#someone he’s helped decides to go against him. If that makes sense#sorry man I just keep talking. I love this blue animal…….#thanks for the ask genuinely I love when paragraphs about characters#anyways im gonna pass out and. Shakes myself STOP ADDING MORE TAGSSS i think im so tired man
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"Separate the art from the artist" is so insulting to the artists too actually (and totally irrelevant to the question of financial support of said art, in the age of pirating). Have you ever seen as artist say who they are is irrelevant to their work? Why are you implying that what we create is so unspecific to us that you can ignore us. You are trying to extend the capitalistic alienation from our labour to something inherently resistant to commodification, as much as the system forces its monetization for artists to live (and I wish all domains stopped alienating production from its producers, but it's particularly egregious for art imo). It’s something given or sold to the public for them to give the meaning they see fit, and you can decide to discard the initial/intended meaning for yourself, but it was still born from the artist and specific to them, created with their intentions motivating it, their biases colouring each and every choice, it is ludicrous to argue it can be totally dismissed. Trying to erase our role is downright offensive and akin to failing to credit properly. Copyright law has many flaws, in the sense that it is ill-equipped to handle the fact no art is ever 100% original and builds off existing elements, but it exists for a reason, so that artists get their due, you better believe corporations would not compensate us if they could. And minimizing our place in creation is the same mindset
I think it’s also tied to the myth we're born this way, given talent from birth and therefore not really the inventor but merely the executor of our art, negating the amount of training that goes into building skills, and the intellectual labor necessary for any creative work (see: ai bros acting like artists are hoarding drawing skills??), as well as the disregard shown for artistic industry workers anytime there's talks of unionizing (see : caring more about their marvel movies/video games releasing early than making sure crunch is avoided). Some people don’t like to think in depth about neither the context of what they consume nor the breathing bodies that make it come to life (and I understand, cause honestly it makes a lot of stuff depressing, be it food, clothes or art, but it'snecessary sometimes), and seem to think an artist’s relationship to a piece of work is over, all ties severed the moment they publish it, when it is a lifelong and everchanging relationship that takes labour to bear
On another topid so much of art is made of collaboration and merging intellectual properties and building off other people’s work i would like to beat up the myth of the lone genius artist or the mastermind director who deserves all the credit for his big brain, all projects would be nothing without the teams making them happen and an artist with no fellow creative friends literally will shrivel up so pls start putting all the people working in artistic fields on an equal footing, financially speaking too, i am begging society to stop disrespecting craftspeople too btw-
#sam speaks#sorry im mad when non artists go 'but it's not an autobiography so it's not about the artist themselves' shut up you know nothing#i can guarantee whoever the protagonist is the creatives found a path to relate to him and gave them to live their own experiences in a way#also people always use that shit to defend awful people or justify them being rewarded#did you know : you can consume art by terrible people without denying it it's called critical analysis#i had a teacher use it for fucking woody allen. when he literally makes movies where he plays the protagonist grooming a 16yo#never more obvious self insert/confession has existed#*relate to them#also like. the cliché of artists being self obsessed isn't exactly wrong let's be honest. there has to be a little bit of thinking highly o#yourself to believe (rightfully because that's the case for everyone) that your self is worth being expressed#so why would you think artists of the most arrogant self centered demographic in society would be humble enough not to insert themselves?#cishet white men write only about themselves and everybody else in their stories is an accesory; written with no empathy or understanding#something somthing refusal to acknowledge the inteligence of the people different to you#anyways. fuck jk and woody allen and polanski and so on and there are too many names#and support artists if you can so we can share art on our own terms#that said i often dislike art made about artists it's so. uninterestingly self centered
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the limit does not exist!
how spencer helps college!reader understand a little calculus and therefore understand how he loves her.
MDNI | smut word count: 1931 warnings & tags & stuff: fem reader, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), lil bit of overstim hehe, pure unbridled affection, LOVE, FLUFF, hugging, reader cries, this was in fact meant to be written for spence's birthday... sorry about that school is kicking my butt lets just pretend it's october! author's note: this one is for my folks who HATE their calculus class and want spencer reid to give them head instead <3 maybe this can help you romanticize it a bit. i think this is classified as self indulgent…like REALLY self indulgent… hah... anyway i hope you enjoy! let me know your thoughts if u have any, i loveeeee you!! have a great day my hands are shaking posting this smut is so scary!!!!!
You sat in bed, staring down your notebook, eyes narrowed. Limits stared back at you. You were just about at your own limit, if you were being honest.
Your brain, however sharp and witty it may be, is absolutely not one designed for calculus. A literary analysis essay? Done in half an hour. In depth scientific research project? Easiest months of your life. But there’s something about finding the instantaneous rate of change of a curve at one point in time by finding the slope of a tangent line that hasn't clicked yet.
A slew of other papers- notes, practice worksheets printed from obscure websites, and formulas- surround you, a sea of unfinished thoughts from the past month of the semester.
You bite on the end of your pen, the little hope you had for a good grade in this class slipping further and further away with each passing moment, like the last ember dying in the remains of a fire.
What you really wanted to be doing was celebrating Spencer’s birthday with him right now. A chocolate cake lay on the kitchen counter and pasta simmers on the stove, but you and your boyfriend had agreed to do a solid hour of work before the celebrations ensued.
You were never particularly strong willed when it came to following through on such agreements.
“Teach me calculus,” you say, a very impressive three minutes later, flopping down on the couch. Your head makes its way to its forever resting spot, Spencer’s lap. He raises his eyebrows slightly, thumb reaching out to trace over the slope of your nose. His eyes flit between you and the file to the side of him.
“I thought we agreed on an hour.”
“Yeah. But it wouldn’t be a very productive hour if I didn’t know how to do what I have to do. And I missed you.”
He sighs quietly, closing the file next to him.
“What do you not understand?” You smile at that, loving how quickly you won.
“Related rates. Like, conceptually.”
Spencer hums in response.
“It’s October. You’re not even supposed to know related rates yet.”
“Fine. Then let's open presents,” you respond, smiley. His eyebrows get impossibly higher, hand stroking your cheek delicately.
“No. I want our night to be a little more stress free when we celebrate, okay? How about you think about that lovely cake you made for me. What if I decided to squash it so that the diameter would get bigger, going from…let’s say, 20 centimeters to 26 centimeters in 3 seconds, and the height would get smal-”
“That wouldn't be nice. It took me like four hours,” you interrupt, grumbling. He cracks a smile.
“For the sake of the example, let's say I was an awful boyfriend and really wanted to ruin all the hard work you put in for me.”
You roll your eyes.
“Hey,” he says, hand moving down to touch your jaw softly. “Don’t do that. Don’t be difficult. I’m helping you.”
“Sorry. I guess I need you to zoom out a little. I don’t really get why I’m learning this as a whole.” Spencer’s eyes pore into yours, staring down at you adoringly for a small moment as he comes up with an answer.
��Calculus helps us begin to explain the unexplainable by harnessing what we can,” Spencer says simply. “Einstein once said that, ‘Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas,’ which makes it simple in practice, but I actually like to think about it as the opposite philosophically. Trying to find logic in the more poetic ideas.”
You cuddle deeper in his lap.
“Think he would agree with that?” you ask. “I do answer to Einstein before you, unfortunately.” Spencer bends down to kiss your hair.
“I think so. He also had a really nice quote where he remarked that, ‘Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.’ He said, ‘How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.’”
Spencer takes a deep breath.
“Math doesn’t explain how I love you. It can’t. But I love the fact that it tries to. It kinda makes you wanna learn it as best you can.”
You process that for a long second and nod. He keeps talking.
…
Presents get opened, and cake gets eaten before dinner. Of course.
You’re now in bed, on top of the covers, forcing Spencer to give you a fashion show of the new sweater vest and tie you got him. He turns to you after putting it on, and you beam.
“I really like it. You look great. Do you like it?” you ask. He nods, smiling back at you.
“I’m gonna wear it to work tomorrow.”
You beckon for Spencer to come closer, sitting up in bed. Your hands go out to the tie, tugging at the knot softly. He stares down at you until eventually interrupting your motions with a slow kiss, hands cupping your face.
“You’re so pretty,” he mutters.
He pulls away and finishes what you started, folding the tie neatly and setting it in the drawer. Then comes the vest, and soon enough, he’s just in his boxers.
“You’re the pretty one,” you say quietly. “Come to bed.” He crawls on next to you, tugging you into his arms. “Happy birthday, Spence. I love you.” He dips his forehead to your shoulder.
“I love you.”
Before you know it, he’s shifted on top of you, moving down. Fast. You blink, hard, trying to rid your head of the hazy endorphins as you register what he’s doing.
“What? No, I was gonna do that. It’s your birthday. You don’t have to,” you protest.
“But I really, really want to, darling girl,” he murmurs back, kissing your knee and softly pushing it to the side.
You fluster and Spencer just looks at you, fingers tracing shapes on your waist, waiting for you to be ready.
“Well. Um. Okay. If you insist. I can’t really deny the birthday boy.” Your voice is small, and a little giddy smile grows on your face. Of course Spencer Reid would want to give you head on his birthday.
He smiles a little against the bare skin of your hip where your top meets your shorts. Then he meets your eyes.
“You know you can, though, right?” he asks, voice a little more serious. You reach out to touch his hair softly.
“Yeah. I know.”
Fingers hook your shorts, gently pulling them down. He presses a kiss to your thigh, and then he suddenly looks down at it.
“Soft,” he murmurs, like he’s making a mental note. He presses another, and another, incrementally going closer and closer to your soaked through underwear. His eyebrows scrunch when he sees the wet spot. “All this from a few kisses?”
You blush, unable to respond.
Spencer’s fingers hook a centimeter of your underwear. “These?” he checks.
“Yes, please,” you manage. He tugs them down, silently noticing the slickness of your sex, and exhales shakily.
“How many times on average does it take for a guy to call you pretty on a given day before you get annoyed?” he murmurs, soft smile playing on his face. You smile too, head cloudy from his words, but it immediately drops when his lips press directly against your pulsing clit, kissing it softly.
“Fuck,” you say (Spencer would argue moan) softly (loudly). You let out a content sigh, and he moves to suckle it, actions becoming less and less delicate.
It’s not harsh, but incessant. Spencer knows what you can take. He knows exactly what you can take. You’re both quiet for a bit, save for your breathy moans.
“Spencer,” you say softly, ripping you both out of your individually hazy and dirty and distracted minds. “You’re too far away.” He looks up to you, face parallel to your aching core, hair beautifully messy and mouth glistening.
After a second, he grabs your hips, gently pushing you up against the pillows so you’re propped up at a better angle. He then shifts his body up wordlessly so he’s more above you, dipping his head down to give you a soft kiss. You taste yourself, tongue darting out to lick your lips.
His hand takes over where his mouth was, sliding in between your folds with a practiced ease. Spencer looks down at you, eyes wide and flitting between yours, searching for a reaction.
You reach out and wrap your arms around him, holding him close. “Holy shit, I love you,” you murmur.
His fingers lightly graze your clit again before one slides into you. “Angel,” he breathes out, so quietly. “I love you too. This okay? Are you okay?”
You nod feverishly and lift your hips to meet his hand, always in a perpetual state of wanting more, to be closer. Your bodies are melded so close together, barely giving him room to push his hand into you. He doesn’t even bother to ask you to use your words or keep your hips down, like he might on a regular night.
He pulls his head back to watch as he pushes another finger into you, stretching you just a little. “There we go. You always feel like heaven around me.”
Your eyes flit up to his face as he says those words, now having a little more room to observe him. You focus on the slope of his nose and curve of his mouth.
“You’re so perfect,” you say quietly, adoringly, before you even realize it was true.
You blink at that thought. Spencer Reid is perfect, despite whatever universal odds deeming that impossible.
Those graphs, those formulas, now laying discarded & crumpled on the ground. They click, a little bit. You understand why Albert Einstein wanted to spend his life developing theories of relativity.
This is how Spencer sees you? What he was talking about earlier?
This is how he sees you?
The thought is almost too much.
Spencer sees your face, and not knowing what's going on in your head, slides down his free hand from your cheek to your carotid, feeling your racing pulse. “Take a deep breath for me, okay? You're about to come, huh?”
You inhale and are met with peace. Then your orgasm hits you like a wave. You clench hard around his fingers, and he just watches it happen, fascinated. “Baby,” he coos softly at you.
It wasn’t just your sensitivity he’s currently maximizing on or the little kisses he dips down to leave on your neck that sealed the deal, but the very thought that you could be loved in a way that is so perfectly impossible.
You exhale breathily as Spencer pushes you through the last trails of your climax, fingers not caring one bit that you just had your world tilted on its axis.
“Spencer. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod,” you say eventually, overstimulated.
“You’re okay. Did so good.” he murmurs, fingers slipping out of you.
His thumb brushes your cheek, wiping away a tear you didn't even realize was dripping down.
“Don’t cry, you always cry. It’s my birthday. Don’t cry on my birthday,” he whispers soothingly, affection lacing his voice.
“I’m not.”
Another one falls.
You reach and press out that perpetual little slope between his eyebrows with your thumb, gentle, like you might break him. “I’m not crying.”
Spencer lets you lie.
#spencer reid#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#criminal minds#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfiction#fanfic#piper’s works
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People who are casually following this au, please read the tags - this is almost exactly right !! I can't even think of any problems here that are important enough to explain why they're wrong, it's practically perfect
Now, keep in mind you can do anything with asks. If you want a character to do something, say it. This au is based not just on my actions but on the audience's too.
How does everyone feel about their decision to spend the rest of their life here? Can they change their mind and leave if they want to?
They can't change their mind - after applying, they can't leave until they die. There's no way to get out.
On the topic of opinions:
Ace: "Of course I regret it." (He doesn't.)
Arturo: "I think being here is for the better." (Likes the distraction from his past)
Arei: "I don't want to assume incase it goes bad." (??)
???: "I'm grateful for the experience." (They've found things out about their identity that they could never have done without it.)
David: "I don't know." (Doesn't like to percieve what's happening.)
Eden: "I like it! I regret nothing." (She's a bit unsure, but seems happy.)
Hu: "I think that this is the best place for me."
J: "Not having the attention is nice.. I don't regret it."
Levi: "I don't have an opinion."
Min: "...It's nice."
Nico: "...." (Doesn't regret it.)
Rose: "Being able to draw my own art.. this is good, I think."
Teruko: "I don't think I can say." (She's happy.)
Veronika: "I admit it, I don't like it. I'll do anything to leave." (She's going to get out, no matter what she has to do.)
Whit: "I didn't really have a choice, but it's alright!!"
Xander: "This is an improvement."
Theory people, if you read this far. This post is important. What happens next essentially relies on whether people figure out what's going to happen, and the asks you send based on it. You can use asks to get the characters to do things, not just answer questions.
This image is the biggest clue yet. Focus on everything, but especially the placement of the objects, who they represent, and compare it to the relationship diagram.. someone's relying on it. The wording of a certain person in this post is also important..
#previous tags ->#ok here’s my analysis on this :3#drdt spoilers#suicide cw#i initially thought veronika was planning out a murder since i thought that by killing someone she could technically escape?? but after the#comment u left about murdering not benefiting anyone… i think veronika is planning on committing suicide#from the relationship charts and the cg overlay thingy the two people she closest with are arturo and arei#the heart card has me thinking that veronika has a crush on arturo?? or at least she cares a lot about him. but now because she’s dead set#on her plan so she’s ignoring her fondness of him; hence why the card is now in the trash#and the rope connecting her and arei relates back to arei’s bda where she’s hanging by a noose#plus the time stamp for ch 2 ep 7 has a line that says she can make a fatal mistake that she can’t undo excites her sounds like she’s bored#here and potentially an underlying motive#and the secret of self harm for fun has been speculated to be veronika’s secret#which i assume that’s what u think her secret is#anyways sorry for the long tagging lmk if im wildly off lol :3
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What if I put an insane little idea in your head and let it bounce around? Mid seasons (7/8 ish?) Spencer with a kinnda sorta fangirl? She just started at the BAU and it’s not that she’s weird about him but she does have like 3 of his papers memorized down to the letter and she “possibly quoted him on her college application essay” (it’s the literal conclusion).
Like she’s just this little ball of excitement and he has no clue what to do when the team is like “ask her out for the love of god and stop making heart eyes when she lets you nerd out”
Sorry if this makes no sense it’s 2:30 in the morning
FANGIRL - S.R
a/n: AHHHHH BECAUSE WHAT IF I JUST SMOOCHED YOU
loved, loved, LOVED this idea and writing it! you are amazing <3
masterlist
pairings: spencer reid x fem!reader
warnings: reader being a fangirl for reid because WHO WOULDNT BE UGH
wc: 1.2k
"Dr. Reid, hi, it's such an honor. I'm the new agent."
You give him your name, hand extended out to him, bouncing off the balls of your feet. There was a badge pinned to your shirt, the clip attached to it gleaming in the fluorescent light, which despite its usual severity, seemed to soften around you.
Spencer comes to a standstill, his coffee suspended mid-sip, documents wrinkled in his hands as he assesses you. You are pretty. exceedingly so, but he's having trouble processing it, his mind still shrouded in the remnants of sleep.
He blinks away his surprise. "Nice to meet you. Hotch must've briefed you about the team, I assume?"
He adjusted the heap of papers to under his arm, freeing his hand to meet yours. The softness he encountered prompted a momentary pause, awakening a sudden urge to not let go. However, he promptly set aside the thought, releasing your hand with a concealed hesitation.
You fiddled with your earlobe, you shot him a sheepish smile. "Yeah, Hotch did, but I already knew a bit about you. I've always been a fan of your work. I mean, not like a fan per se, because that would be weird, right? But I've read all your papers, and they're just... they're brilliant, honestly."
Spencer was clearly caught off guard, his brows leaping upwards as he surveyed you. You weren't lying--that much was clear to him. He could see it in the way you met his eyes with an enthusiasm so bright it was nearly blinding.
"My work? You're actually familiar with it?"
A soft giggle bubbled from you, a sweet sound that seemed to momentarily leave him winded. He placed his coffee on the desk, leaning back slightly.
"Oh, definitely. Your research on chemical composition analysis in narcotics? I've read it so many times I could probably recite it in my sleep."
He considered the possibility of you exaggerating. He took great pride in his work and (without sounding too cocky) he was well aware of its significance and contribution to his field. However, there's a difference between knowing your work is recognized and encountering someone who has internalized it to such a degree--especially someone like you. He suddenly felt a touch of self-consciousness.
"I'm sorry, that was too much, right? I promised I'd play it cool, and then I saw you and... well, it's all just really surreal," you said before gesturing vaguely towards the bullpen. "Anyway, I'm going to go, uh, find my desk."
You hurried away before he could refute your words, head bowed. He felt like an ass.
The day threw him off balance. His contributions to the team lacked their usual insight, his mental gears turning more slowly. And for some inexplicable reason, he found himself preoccupied with thoughts of you. He attempted to rationalize it as a reaction to your interest in his work, a level of admiration that was a rare find. Unlike the formal niceties from others, your excitement about his work, about him, stood out.
He tried to latch onto Hotch's deductions about the unsub, willing his intellect to snap to attention and offer up a decent theory. However, a glance in your direction derailed his efforts. You were bent over the desk, your hands animatedly navigating through the papers. He was happy to see your enthusiasm was there despite his lack thereof earlier.
"Based on the geographic profiling and the choice of victims, it looks like the unsub has a background in urban planning."
Emily nods, "Good theory. What led you to that?"
He watches the anxious flicker in your eyes, glancing towards him, hands clasped together as you incline your head his way.
"Actually, I read about a similar case in Dr. Reid's paper on The Spatial Patterns of Serial Offenses." It strikes him then--he hasn't yet invited you to use his first name, adding another tick to the ever-growing list of ways he feels he's been inadvertently discourteous. "The clustering of crime scenes near arterial routes suggests the offender leverages the urban grid to facilitate escape and avoid detection. Embarrassingly enough, that was the topic of my college application essay."
Spencer was momentarily speechless (not something that happened often), his mind racing through the physiological response to shock--catecholamine release, vagal tone alterations, even transient arrhythmias--mirroring the way his heart seemed to skip a beat. You really did have his work memorized.
"That's, uh, right," he said, his voice gaining momentum. "By leveraging the urban grid, the offender not only evades capture but also creates a psychological terrain of control."
Hotch nodded in agreement, turning your attention to a series of photographs.
Before Spencer even looked her way, he could sense Garcia's stare, and as he turned, she prodded him with her elbow, smirking. "Seems like she's quite the match for you, doesn't she?"
"Huh? What? No, I mean--she's my coworker, and besides, she's much younger." Spencer was quite sure he sounded anything but convincing.
Garcia raises an eyebrow, shaking her head. "I meant in terms of smarts, but oookay, Spencer."
She walked out with a bounce in that definitely hadn't been there earlier, and Spencer was left with a red face.
He had every intention of pulling you aside, to apologize for earlier, to reassure that he didn't find you odd or weird, and to admit that he was genuinely flattered. But it appeared that every time he had a chance to make it to your desk, you had vanished, or were in deep conversation with JJ, or inside Hotch's office.
It was a relentless cycle that persisted until the end of the day, when everyone began to leave--except for you, who remained still firmly planted at your desk, fervently jotting notes into your notebook.
Absorbed in your work, you didn't notice his approach until he cleared his throat.
"Hey," he said softly.
Startled, you flinched, prompting him to immediately feel like shit. Strike three. You laughed off the shock when you realized it was him, moving your notebook aside, offering him your undivided attention.
"Sorry, Dr. Reid, hi! How's it going? Is there something I can do for you?"
"I thought I'd see if you needed help with anything, and you can call me Spencer, if you want." He glanced at his watch. "Are you still working?"
You pushed a piece of hair from your face and nodded towards the formidable pile of forms.
"Spencer, okay," you said, like you were testing it out, "and just sorting through a mountain of onboarding paperwork."
He nodded, hesitating slightly before speaking. "Listen, I need to apologize for earlier."
You tilted your head. "What for?"
"I think I wasn't as welcoming as I intended to be."
"That's okay, I know I was a bit intense."
He shook his head. "No, you weren't. It's just... It's rare that my work gets much attention. I'm happy you appreciated it. If there's a specific topic that you're more interested in, maybe I could explain more about it sometime?"
You glanced down at your hands, trying to hide the smile that was blooming there. You weren't successful. When you looked back up, Spencer felt a little bit awestruck by your eyes, the flecks of color that he could now see clearly.
"I'd love that. Maybe over coffee?" you suggested.
"Yeah, sure." He could feel the heat rushing up his neck.
He reluctantly parted ways, leaving you to your paperwork, and as he approached the elevator, Penelope was there.
"You know, sugar, maybe I did mean quite the match in a romantic way. So, are you going to ask her out, or shall I play Cupid?"
He blushed. "I think she might have just beat me to it."
taglist: @hotchhner @khxna @readergf @sarcasm-and-stiles @edencherries @aurorsworld @princess76179 @malindacath @freyy253 @broadwaytraaaaash @r-3dlips @m-indkiller @sunfyyre @sleepysongbirdsings @trulycayla @reiderrambles
join my taglist here!
#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x fem reader#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds fic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid drabble
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Is there's something I'm thankful Thing taught me was that it was possible and morally ok to see a character and just pick them up and take them somewhere inside your brain to care for them and hangout literally the best information i have ever obtained
#luly talks#there's this one guy i self ship w that i did this with#its rlly fun the kinds of path self shipping (and well being insane too) can open when it comes down to loving characters like#this guy who is still so much of his character its not an oc he's just in an au is like. everything 2 me.......... ...#granted is bc he heavily reminds me of estefany but still he's DA bestie i helped him n he helped me like amgjfmnhmnhh......#But also there's the possibility of randomly falling in love. like sometimes i see a character in media and im like. i like them but no big#deal? like sure they are ok but that's it.#but then i start thinking of ss and seeing them w other eyes and BOOM suddenly i love this fucking guy. -_-#EXCLUSIVELY bc i was like oh he's fuckable but then i was like ooooh but there's also so mhch more...... and then looked deeper into da#character only to hit a wall bc HE GOT COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN...........#PICS ON MY MAN ON THE MILK CARTON HAVE YOU SEEN HIM MISSING SINCE THE 90s........... .. ......#sorry. since the 2000s. STILL MAN LIKE C'MON ITAGAKI IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS THROW A BONE TO THIS HUNGRY DOG#AND NOOOO THE LITTLE FLASHBACK IS NOT ENOUGH I NEED MY MAN IN DA FLESH‼️‼️‼️#anyway i love self shipping haters won't admit this but it's actually a great tool for character and personal analysis. 😁
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OBJECT HANDLING : Boss, there is a very serious problem we need to rectify.
1. I am fine actually.
2. What problem?
3. We have enough stim toys, not listening to you lalalalalala. [Dismiss Thought]
OBJECT HANDLING : You have been aware that you are trans for...
BIOCHEMICAL PROCESSOR [Trivial : SUCCESS] : A month and 3 days.
OBJECT HANDLING : ...yet we still do not posses the fluffy beasts of the seas, the icon of the ocean's primal hunter, the sharky, the-
ANCIENT CANINE BRAIN [Legendary : SUCCESS] : THE BLAHÄJ.
OBJECT HANDLING : Boss, if we are to survive the coming nights without our girlfriend we need to posses it and hug it tightly every night.
ANCIENT CANINE BRAIN : You already fit into every other transgirl stereotype, you *want* more plushies deep down anyway.
1. But I have a second pillow for that?
2. Fair point. [Accept Task]
OBJECT HANDLING : You do.
CREATIVE SPARK [Trivial: SUCCESS] : The same yellowish pillow you've had since you were 12? Frankly we should go to IKEA and get more decorations and knick knacks, our room looks like an insane assylum.
ŚCIERZKA ASCETY [Formidable: SUCCESS] : Because it is. It's pointless to decorate it now, you have 18 months left in your degree anyway, you will move.
INGRAINED PETITE BOURGEOISE INSTINCT : And you'll save money on unnecessary expenses!
MATERIAL ANALYSIS [Formidable: SUCCESS] : The meager amount of money you feel bad for not giving away *and* spending on yourself? Let's be real, saving 80 złoty won't bring you closer or further from any of your dreams.
SELF-LOVE [Legendary: SUCCESS] : Those two have only hurt you, don't listen to them, isn't living in a way that makes you happy what being trans is all about? Just. Follow. Your heart.
BIOCHEMICAL PROCESSOR [Medium: SUCCESS] : You will still have enough money to for groceries and hormones this month.
1. But IKEA is far away...
2. ...and I'll have to go out into crowds of people.
3. I will obtain the BLAHÄJ. [Accept Task]
4. I don't need soft shark shaped objects in my life. [Reject Task]
AUTISTIC ARCHIVE [Trivial : Success] : The Silesian urban conglomeration has excellent public transit that you have used many times before, getting there won't be a problem.
FEAR OF PAIN : It's also hot today.
LOVE OF PAIN [Medium: SUCCESS] : But let's be honest, you are complacent in your girl rotting, get your fucking ass of your gaming chair and do it, if anything just to spite the motherfucker above.
FEAR OF PAIN : HEY!
SELF-LOVE : Just bring enough water.
1. ...and I'll have to go out into crowds of people.
2. I will obtain the BLAHÄJ. [Accept Task]
3. I don't need soft shark shaped objects in my life. [Reject Task]
MINUTE DETAIL DYSPHORIA : Your hair looks bad today, you shouldn't show it to other people anyway, they will see th-
ANCIENT CANINE BRAIN [Medium: SUCCESS] : Shut up.
SELF-LOVE [Formidable: SUCCESS] : Shut up.
BIOCHEMICAL PROCESSOR [Trivial: SUCCESS] : Shut up.
OBJECT HANDLING : Yeah girl just go grab it!
ANCIENT CANINE BRAIN [Medium: SUCCESS]: Your girlfriend will be happy that you didn't sit inside all day, she may even give you a click.
1. [Biochemical Processor - Trivial 2] There must be a way to get it without going outside...
2. I will obtain the BLAHÄJ. [Accept Task]
3. I don't need soft shark shaped objects in my life. [Reject Task]
BIOCHEMICAL PROCESSOR [Trivial: FAILURE]: I'm sorry my lady, I feel like there is an easier way of going about it but it seems we don't have enough sugar for thinking right now.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY & ANCIENT CANINE BRAIN : You should buy an energy drink when you go out!
1. I will obtain the BLAHÄJ. [Accept Task]
2. I don't need soft shark shaped objects in my life. [Reject Task]
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today on "absolutely unhinged things for stover to put on paper and lucas to approve," the depiction of obi-wan's self-aware attachment to anakin here, how ready he'd be to kill yoda for the greater good, and how he'd let yoda kill him too, but anakin is the exception to their entire order and to obi-wan's moral judgment.
all three of them here, arguably the three most important jedi in the galaxy, they all know with wariness that anakin, the chosen one, has failed to grasp the central tenet of their code, and they don't know what to do about it. obi-wan thinks he failed him, failed to teach him; he knows anakin failed to learn, failed to accept it, how he'd would never let a friend go.
obi-wan here offers keen, intimate analysis of anakin's inner workings, shining a light on who darth vader really is in his heart, his loyalty beyond any moral or ethical bounds. obi-wan is painfully aware of how he is complicit in fostering this inappropriate attachment, only encouraging anakin's behavior. we see why he apologized in the kenobi show, how he was already sorry.
tbh this page changed me—my understanding of the characters, and my appreciation of the entire tragedy, like.. look how anakin has compromised obi-wan, and look at how much obi-wan loves him anyway. look at how the heart of this incipient monster is described with tender, ruthless clarity by the one who knows it best... on the next page obi-wan's literally crying about what they've done... i'm astrally projecting into the sun
#obi-wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#darth vader#obikin#rots novelization my beloved#sw books#sw#the way this frames the battle at mustafar like#god i could write pages of analysis about Them#fuck
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On Transformers and Human soulmate tropes...
(i do personally attack starscream at the end, i'm sorry starscream lovers, i love him too, but he's just a sad, devious little guy.)
Just a little thought here, so, I love soulmate tropes. Depending on the plot, they can be really fun and take so many interesting paths as a medium used within storytelling, whether romantic or platonic.
But what i want to talk about specifically is Transformer x Human soulmate tropes. Like, you have this super sweet side to it where the bot can be like 'I have waited my entire life to find you, finally, I can hold you in my arms and we never have to part again'. Depending on the character/story/type of SM (soulmate, shortening it because I'm not gonna keep writing it out) trope of course.
Can I just say how...instrumentally fucked this is though? So you have this race of robots who live for, what is essentially millennia out in the wild unless they catch the smoke. Their soulmate ends up being this little creature that lives for 80, maybe 100 years tops before dying. -Unless we're going for some kind of mind switch body type thing, but we all know how that went with spike in g1.
Our beloved robo blorbos will eventually have to cope with the fact that their soulmate, the person or creature they're MEANT to be with via laws of the universe, will die a LOT sooner than they will.
This especially hits hard with the decepticons who, depending on continuity -- hate humanity already. Bots who've gone through so much, losing their home, friends, and their dignities; have to learn to put up with and accept this creature as their fated mate/spouse/conjux endura, whatever you want to call it- SOULMATE.
Then the decepticons just have to deal with the fact that they're going to lose this person too, just like they've already lost everything else and oh GOD. Maybe they choose to forget about them and move on, stay alone and mourn what could have been if the universe hadn't had such a fucked sense of humor. Maybe they choose to accept it, but never let their SM too close because they know they'll just be hurt so much more hurt when the inevitable comes.
Then you have to think about decepticons having to possibly protect their SM from other cons! From being taken and 'saved' by the autobots.
Imagine some bots or cons just flying off the handle, going crazy just to try and keep their human alive in any way they possibly can, afraid of running out of time.
(Starscream lovers forgive me for the angst)
And Starscream especially, Maybe he'd try. He'd have a great time, take a chance, and give it a go. But what if he's actually terrified? Maybe he'd also self sabotage a little, knowing the relationship will never last too long anyways; not in the short blink of time it would be next to his life. Maybe, he doesn't actually know what to do with himself in a positive relationship after being, i dunno, consistently dogged on by megatron and he freezes.
There's something actually good for him, and since he isn't sure how to receive or accept that fact, he's gone. And maybe he'll come back, but the cycle could repeat.
(Im sorry, unless you put a tracker on him and call his ass and really give him some therapy. get him some god damn therapy.)
But yeah. All around, the angst potential is immense for this stuff and it makes me sad to think about so I thought i would share it instead of just write about it in an actual fic because my character analysis and ability to comprehend my own thoughts is so shit.
Okay, CIAOOOOOO~
#transformers#transformers x reader#transformers x oc#transformers g1#maccadams#tf prime#tf earthspark#tf fanfic#tf rotb#megatron#tf one#starscream#tf#transformers shattered glass#soulmates#soulmate au#soulmate fic#transformers being soulmates with humans is actually so fucked#transformers animated#tfa#tf animated#decepticons#autobots#hot robots#but make them sad#soulmate marks#soulmate trope
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(,,uhuh tw. brief mentions/implications of s/a.)
DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT ISNT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH THAT INFURIATES ME??
Constance's arc in RTC. Literally nobody talks about it and waters her down to just being the nice mom friend™️ which completely undermines the arc she goes through of both
1. Reclaiming her innocence. Throughout the musical there's a LOT of moments that can represent that arc up until sugar cloud
2. How she wasn't happy with her life and didn't realize the good of it until her dying moments. plagued by that thought until she reaches true happiness now knowing she had a good life in sugar cloud
GGGGOD sometimes the blatant undermining of the arcs each character has (,,excluding Jane. I don't think she ever really had an arc; just. Left in despair only knowing her death and the mourning of something she can't remember, wondering if god itself had abandoned her) me so INFURRIATED LIKE RAGHAJRHRRRUJS THERE'S SO MUCH ANALYSIS POTENTIAL AND THEYRE ALL SO WELL WRITTEN TO BE RELATEABLE IN SOME SHAPE OR FORM
Connie was not all just sunshine & rainbows she was going through the mental WRINGER and struggling with her self-loathing & depression up until her death. She probably still dealt with it throughout the musical — now being plagued by even more secrets to keep & the self loathing of what happened just three hours before. (,,example is. the one scene after Ocean goes "We all died virgins" & Karnak pressures Constance a bit. God that scene makes me so ☹️)
She doesn't like. Fully reclaim her innocence & happiness until sugar cloud — which I like to personally think her letting her hair down is representation of her slowly starting to let go of it all. Just. Truly starting to feel happy, like a little kid again. Realizing she had a good life and appreciating what she had now that she's gone. What she went through doesn't define her. Therefore, she doesn't let it hold her back. Letting that inner child out for whats probably the first time in a LONG time.
And I think that's just. A really beautiful thing to her character that gets ignored a lot; which to me is one of the more relatable aspects of her character. Not realizing how much you love everything until something bad happens. From the smallest things like the feeling of getting into bed after a long day— your body finally relaxing after throbbing with pain & exhaustion all day, or even just seeing the smile on a family/friend's face after not seeing them for a while— to the more specific things such as seeing people being happy around you. Happy to be with you. All while knowing what you've gone through doesn't define who you are; letting that little kid inside of you out into the world to truly feel the warmth of the sun.
God sorry I just absolutely love Constance jawbreaker/sugar cloud had me BAWLING the first few times I heard it and I'm not prepared to sob over it again when I see RTC in february,, anyways THIS FUCKASS FANDOM NEEDS TO STOP UNDERMINING ARCS AND REALLY ANALYZE THE CHARACTERS MORE RAGGHHHHHHH
#tw brief s/a mentions#<- not DIRECTLY mentioned but definitely implied/brief talk about it.#watermelons talks#ride the cyclone#rtc#ride the cyclone musical#constance blackwood#constance rtc#rtc constance
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