#anyway so part of me is like just choose 4 days cuz then I also have 3 (or 2 if I work part time as well) days off and I can u know relax

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

Round 4 Match 9

propaganda below the cut! (enormous wall of text warning)

Trent Reznor:

"he is everything. he is all that exists around us. he is the air which we breathe. he performed covered in mud at woodstock 94 and somehow made it work. he's largely responsible for arguably the most influential concept album of the 90s. he is beautiful and sweet and stunning. i want to study him under a microscope. i know closer is about sex as a self-destructive behavior but also have you seen how insanely gorgeous he looks in the music video? in the words of my friend, "he sings like he's in heat". he literally humps and destroys synths (in a variety of ways, including stripping the keys off with his boot) during performances. every single outfit he wears is extremely cunty. on multiple occasions guys have said that even though they're straight they would fuck him. finally, in the words of jude doyle: "to this day, looking at a photograph of trent reznor in the early '90s feels like looking into the sun""

"The live March Of The Pigs (1994) video makes me froth at the mouth I start biting and snapping my teeth and growling. I need to rewatch it five times a week at LEAST to stay sane. Trent Reznor is like if a trophy wife was a man. Also the way he WHISPERS INTO THE MIC AT THE END OF SUCK?????HHFSJBDNDNS???? THE ENTIRETY OF THE BROKEN EP????????? Cleanup on aisle my fucking pants. Is this too insane? Sorry"

"I’m a lesbian but that does not fucking mean anything when confronted with trent reznor"

"It's Trent, man. Even the literal devil wants him. He's just boypretty."

"This man deadass wrote a song with the lyric “My moral standing is lying down" in it"

Jonny Greenwood:

"Every art girl's (and boy's) wet dream"

"He wrote the tourist. That's all you need."

"Repeat from my Thom propaganda but he was a part of it so anyways. I had a dream once where I met him and Thom on the street and asked them to sign my Pablo Honey CD, so Thom pushed me into open traffic and I got hit by a car and died and Jonny laughed his ass off. 10/10, my last sight before death was his beautiful face laughing."

"I could probably snap him like a twig but I want to marry him and have 3 children with him before I do that"

"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose 1/5 of Radiohead. Choose 1/5 of In Rainbows. Choose the man who wrote weird fishes, both Greenwood sisters ,the man in South Park, his telecaster and the stickers on it. Choose the bug Jacqueline Kennedy, his love for literature and poetry, and his lovely lisp. Choose his sublime score for Phantom Thread and his husband Paul Thomas Anderson. Choose the weird amount of straight men who thirst over him in the YouTube comment section. Choose his jawbone. Choose the most pretentious, unpretentious member of the band. Choose his silky hair and his (probably) Dove shampoo. Choose his great knowledge of music theory and how he often disregards it. Choose Astroboy's biggest fanboy (minus maybe Thom. Choose a very hot Alex James who eloped with a fish. Choose Jonny Greenwood. Choose your future. Choose life… Involuntary Trainspotting reference but please vote Jonny over Wario. Oh, and( even though Jonny lives in Italy at the moment), I live in Oxford and if I meet him, I'll tell him that he won."

"He keeps chickens guys, CHICKENS"

"I'm a straight guy but no joke Jonny is hot tbh maybe it's cuz he looks like a chick but like damnnnn"

"He's so gorgeous....kinda like an ant 😍😍😍😍"

Mike Patton:

"Mike didn't consistently wear BDSM masks matched with boiler suits and lick Trevor Dunn on stage just to lose this bracket. Also, if you don't think he's hot in every which way, you clearly haven't seen this: https://youtu.be/gjEbHBafvm0 or this: https://youtu.be/i9_hCjcFNO0 or this: https://youtu.be/Kfq7wHJu21c"

"Mike Patton collaborated with basically everyone who's anyone in music, and he speaks Italian too. He's great in a live show. And Mr. Bungle is unmatched and unparalleled, full stop."

"HEE HEE HOO HOO HA HA FUNNY WHITE MAN SCREAMS IN MY EAR AND BUSTS IT DOWN SEXUAL STYLE"

"I'm a lesbian but I find him insanely attractive which I think says a lot"

"whenever mike arches his back and screams a part of my soul leaves my body and is shattered by the soundwaves."

"all you need to do to love mike is watch this: https://youtu.be/0gq_Jn41iMM&t=1375 the fact that he blurts that out and then super casually goes into the song leaves me crying with rage and hormones every time I see it"

[pearldog30]

can we have a part 4 of ghost has a sister, like the sister gets a heart transplant and has to be in the hospital for awhile or what ever you want just making a recommendation

Simon reacting to his sister's funeral.

I guess you could consider this part 4?. of ghost has a little sister?

Part 1, part 2, part 3.

Ty for the recommendation. I would love to bring her back, but I genuinely don't feel comfortable bringing her back. for reasons of how she died. (I want to apologize. I know a lot of people want her back. but there's also the fact of the caretaker died as well. And Simon wouldn't be allowed to be around her anyway, cuz she did get shot under his watch. and the people were specifically after her, so there's no way Simon would be allowed to have her/be near her, never again. I'm probably overthinking of what your request meant, and if I am, I am sorry.) Again I am genuinely sorry, for not making the series last longer, but I never intended the series lasting long. So here's like an HC, and a story mixed. that I was planning to do for him. I hope you enjoy it. This is his reaction to his sister's funeral. So I guess this is considered part 4, if you will.

Simon Riley X deceased little sister

other works 👉 Master list

Warnings| funeral, talk of death, angst.

After his sister's death. he put off the funeral for as long as possible, until he couldn't anymore. He knew his sister deserved a proper funeral. but he couldn't bring himself to see her afterwards, but he knew he had to for her, and for everybody attending the funeral. And so the day he was dreading the most finally came. But before he even entered where the funeral was taking place. he down a hold bottle of whiskey, and it didn't do anything to him like he was hoping. It didn't numb anything, it didn't even give him that buzz or the edge he was trying to take off, that's how broken he was.

Before the funeral started, and everybody got there. surprisingly! Simon wanted to have a moment with his sister. He was thankful that the funeral director gave him a moment, of peace and quiet.

When he walked into where her cold, lifeless, body laid. the scene before him broke him, he was thankful no one was around. because he couldn't control the tears that were leaving his dark, almost dead, eyes. He thought he'd be okay, he thought he killed that part of himself off, and the whiskey would help him feel nothing. but no, it didn't. All the darkness he was running, and hiding from, finally caught up to him in that moment. That's when he realized he lost that battle.

When he walked up to her casket, he couldn't help but fall to his knees, holding on to part of her casket. head hanging low, looking down to the ground. On the outside he looked fine, but on the inside he was begging, screaming, yelling, at whatever universe, or God, there was asking why they couldn't have just took him. why did they have to choose a kind, young, adventurous, soul. that didn't deserve any of it. Punching her casket strong, and hard, but yet gentle enough, to where it wouldn't break the dark beautiful wooden casket.

Looking back up to her peaceful, restful, face. "I- if you're still he-re I..m s-o soo fucking sorry ple..ase for..give m-me" he says through a hiccup, hoping that if there is a afterlife. she would forgive him, and that one day they could be together again. "You didn't deserve any of this sweetheart" he says still looking at her. Jumping, he felt a hand touche his shoulder. quickly regaining himself, looking up to be met with eyes of the captain. "Are you doing" okay price says, with patience, and worry, in his voice. "Yeah I'm fine" Simon says knowing that's bullshit. but he doesn't want to deal with it today.

"no, no you're not Simon. I'm going to tell you right now. you need to talk to someone about it" prices says pleading with him. price knows Simon better than anyone, so he hopes he'll finally talk about it, and let it out, what's bothering him. "No really, I'm doing okay" Simon says looking away, back to his sister. "Enough of the bullshit Simon. You need to talk about this now, or else you never will. it is eating at you alive. the rage, the anger, you have built up. Distancing yourself from everybody. it's not healthy, and I'm not going to stand by and watch you, dig your own grave" prices says, finally getting his attention, getting it through his skull. that what he's doing is not healthy, and it's affecting everybody in the 141 in a way. "You know John. When I lost her, I lost myself." Simon says getting up on his feet. finally coming to terms, that he's not okay.

"I know son, trust me I know" price says walking closer to Simon. "But all that pain, and hurt, you have built up. you're going to have to face it sooner, or later. you can't run from it forever" he says, as he finally stops, standing face to face with Simon. "You know I often question myself why wasn't it me, it should have been me." Simon says, as he feels his eyes begin to break again with tears. Price pulling Simon into a hug, Simon hugging back. Price knew that's what Simon needed in that moment. even though he never would admit it. "After everything that happened, I don't want to fuckin do this anymore." Simon cries out, not realizing those were the words that he needed someone to hear. to know that he is struggling, nearly hanging on by a thread. "Stop blaming yourself for what happened, let that shit go. just let it go" price says soothing him. Embracing in the hug, Simon didn't know he needed. Very much a dad and son moment Idc, IDC what any of y'all say.

Pulling back from the hug. Looking back into Simon's eyes "but please. if not for me, do it for her. quit blaming yourself, quit numbing everything. keep on fighting, for her that's what she would want. And you know it." prices says, holding on to his shoulder. Maintaining eye contact. Looking up to the clock, Simon realizes the funeral is about to start. Exchanging nods, Simon wipes away the tears. readjusting his outfit, to look presentable for the funeral. But before they open the doors, price looks back to Simon. "But please talk about it, and let all that dark shit out. get the help you deserve." price finishes, looking away from Simon.

And the funeral surprisingly goes very well, yes there was a lot of tears but that's to be expected. He wasn't expecting so many people to show up the whole 141, including Rudy, Alejandro, and all of her friends she went to school with. Everybody talking, sharing memories of her, a lot of her friends telling him, how much she talked about her big brother, (low-key some of the friends were mesmerized by Simon, and some of the other guys) and how much she adored him. this made him realize that he really was everything to her. but he couldn't sit, and soak in it, and think about it. not now, not in this moment.

As the day came to an end. a lot of tears, a lot of memories being brought up, he didn't want to think about. he was extremely exhausted, and drained. instead of drinking himself to sleep as what he had planned earlier. he actually sat and thought about what price said, looking at his bracelet. replaying his words over and over. Coming to terms with the fact he might actually need help, and maybe getting it might not be so bad. He knows deep down that's what his sister would want, and even if she's gone. he'd still do anything for her.

HC part

To say Simon is destroyed, would be understatement. He did not eat, sleep, drink, for weeks after his sister's death. he had to be under supervision all the time by Price, or soap. they had to force feed him sometimes to keep him alive.

After his sister's death. the only time he'd leave his room would be to do work, and that's it. He didn't talk to anyone, he cut off all communication with everybody.

Even though he made a promise to never be drink, and be like his dad. A lot of nights he couldn't help but try keyword try we all know this man has a high alcohol tolerance. to get blackout drunk, and sleep. a lot of times it didn't work, but when it did. he was thankful he could forget everything that night, and just be passed out from the alcohol.

The only time he'd let people say his sister's name, was at the funeral. before that anytime anyone mentioned her slightly, he would go in this psychotic rage. it scared even price himself a little bit.

He carries the bracelet she bought him everywhere with him, even on the battlefield. He doesn't let it go out of his sight/he knows where it is at all times. And no one's allowed to touch it, other than him. (Johnny tried touching it to look at it. and he got a black eye afterwards)

He still absolutely hates the medics that were there that night when she died. price had to keep him and the medic separated for a while, because he would have killed them/badly injure them. (He can't even stand to be around them, still.)

(Remember the house he bought for them to live in yeahh..) he physically couldn't take one step in that house, after everything happened. price had to sell the house for him, because he refused to go anywhere near it. Looking at it, or even mentioning the house, still breaks him to this day. It often makes him feel like he failed. Not only as a soldier, but as a big brother.

And that's going to be the official end of this series I guess, I had so much fun writing it. I hope y'all enjoy my version of sad Simon (I may have or may have not cried writing this) anyways I hope y'all are having a good day/night wherever you are. reblogs, and comments are always appreciated 🖤

[raeygina-george]

all the ones you feel like answering rn

1- What’s your favorite color?

take a guess (if you said pink you are correct)

2- Coffee or tea?

tea!!!!!! coffee smells too strong it hurts my nose & it's really bitter so i have to add way too much sugar & and Very Sweet hurts similarly

4- If you were a time of day, what time of day would you be?

6 am.... that's just the most me time of day

5- What’s your phone wallpaper?

my lock screen is the "shoutout to women gotta be one of my favorite genders" meme & my home screen is a gravestone drawn by my friend that says "rip raey drowned in the pussy"

7- What would you do if you found a 100 dollar bill on the sidewalk?

I'd probably just leave it tbh.... or if no one was around i guess id take it

8- Do you have any piercings or tattoos? 

basic ear piercings only.... I've thought about getting more but i can't and I probably wouldn't want to anyways

10- What song would you play at your funeral?

never gonna give you up by rick astley. the phrasing of the question kind of makes it seem like id sit up in my coffin & reach for my phone to press play before dying again which i think would be really funny

11- When’s the last time you cried?

a couple days ago cuz i was arguing with dad about the olympic boxing drama and he said something that pissed me off askfhksjd

12- What do you want to be remembered for when you die?

i just want to be remembered as like. a person whose name you'd put a heart next to in your contacts. a person who made you smile and laugh

14- Would you rather know the date or cause of your death?

the date so that i could know how much time i have left

15- What would you do if you found a dead body in a hotel room?

erm idk I'd probably go to the front desk and say Hey there's a dead body ... can you do something..........

16- Are we really living or are we just slowly dying?

of course we're living. suffering, though a bitch, is also a part of life

17- Do you like the taste of blood?

nah

18- If you had to lose a body part, which one would you choose and why?

uterus cuz it's kinda annoying

20- If there's hell of some sort, do you think you’re going there?

i don't know.... i imagine that if heaven & hell were real almost nobody would get into heaven at all because the nature of humanity is to be flawed. i don't think it's even possible to be a perfect human.... and the concept of what's sin and what's not is constantly changing so even by being born in this world i could be considered a sinner.

tl;dr i don't know what counts as a "good person" so i can't answer

21- How would you dispose of a body?

probably really badly.... i think id sink it in a river or the sea because the water can wash away the evidence

22- Would you kill someone you don’t know to save someone you love?

if i was actually in this situation i would probably be paralyzed by the choice and miss my window for killing that stranger

23- Would you rather be burned at the stake but die a saint beloved by all, or die peacefully but have nobody remember you?

die peacefully. no one is going to remember me after the earth crumbles to dust anyways. and im dead so i don't care what others think

24- Would you rather eat part of a human heart or a whole human eye?

a whole human eye bc i read on the internet once that that's the yummiest part of a human

[destinyc1020]

I'm loving this discussion of Tom and Tim . Destiny how for certain you are. Tom and Timothee are really close friends that have never been seen out by no one before excluding that phone call on a radio program! Would you agree that's a little strange no one has seen or witness them hanging together ?

I never said that Tom and Timmy were "really close friends" Anon. I've always said that they're industry friends/buddies who like each other and respect each other's work. That's it!

They've never even worked with each other on a filming project before, so right now Timmy is probably a little closer to those he's actually worked with in the industry, wouldn't you say?

With that said, I definitely DON'T think that they hate each other, like fans in these silly stupid fandom wars try to claim. 🙄😒

And the fact that he's worked with Zendaya twice is pretty much evidence that Tom has become very familiar with Timmy just by extension since we all know Z has talked to Timmy about Tom.

The very fact that Tom even has Timmy's number and Timmy has Tom's number in the first place when they've NEVER even worked together before is a HUGE sign (imo) that they're cool with each other and are friends on some level!

Alright fine.... y'all want me to bring out receipts? Cuz y'all know I'll bring out receipts! 😅

Receipts:

Tom even called Timmy "doubly handsome" rofl 🤣 😆

Tom even talks about this funny moment years ago when this girl thought his brother Sam was Timothée Chalamet haha 😄

Tom even claims that Timmy is "too handsome" to be confused with him.... and honestly, Tom is just being very HUMBLE by saying this, coz Tom is handsome also! 😍 But as you can see, Tom is perfectly fine with Timmy and his handsome looks lol.🤭

Timmy has called Tom an "awesome dude" and "the best Spiderman".😊 (FF to min 1:20 and 1:42 in the link) So obviously he knows Tom well enough to feel this way about him. 😃👍🏾

I'm telling y'all.... these fandom wars are so STUPID. 🙄😒 These actors don't hate each other! It's silly fans pitting them against each other for dumb reasons. 😤

It's obvious Tom and Timmy have NOTHING against each other.

Anyway....We actually DO know that Tom and Timmy have met each other before irl because Timmy says so in the last link above at min 4:00. So you all have to realize that just because there aren't pictures, it doesn't mean they haven't met before. 🤷🏾‍♀️ You have to keep in mind too that Tom lives primarily in London, and until recently, Timmy was living in NYC. So while they've met before, it's probably hard to sync schedules to "hang out". They're busy actors.

But even if they HAD never met before, there are these things now days called cell phones you know... and it's so revolutionary, but you can actually see someone on a screen by using this thing called FaceTime, and you can talk to that person as if they're actually there! Right there in real time! 😃 Isn't that crazy?? 😄

And lastly, I choose to believe what ppl say out of their own MOUTHS. And Tom has hinted several times before that he and Timmy are friends. I'm not gonna argue with what the man has said out of his own mouth Anon. 🙄 Y'all should know me by now when it comes to stuff like that.

But if you think you know better than Tom himself on what his relationship with Timmy is, then go right ahead. 😒🤷🏾‍♀️ Believe whatever you want. That's what most ppl tend to do these days anyway, instead of looking at real FACTS and evidence. 🙄

[livsworld-ndstyle]

save the date

tomorrow.

2/26/24.

save the date.

at least for me.

i have the meeting which i mentioned a couple of posts back and i’ve been scared for it. AND ITS TOMORROW!?

also why is there a big gap in between save the date and the word tomorrow?-

also i digressed a lot teehee!

second period. 8:32am. i’m so mad that it’s immediately after february / president’s day break, even though my past meeting dates, which i have memorized, have been in a similar timeframe.

this year - 2/26/24

last year - 3/1/23

the year before last - 3/21/22

but anyways i have to miss spanish class for the second year in a row!! my spanish teacher is gonna flip, im in a college level and college credit bearing spanish class and its the second highest. we’re prepping for the national spanish exam, which is a standardized spanish exam that i have taken in years past.

last year i got bronze, the year before last i got an honorable mention. this year i want silver and next year i want gold to show progressive improvement.

some other patterns i’ve noticed with my meetings is the teacher and class they choose that i should miss

10th & 11th: missed spanish, chose my math teacher to be the general education teacher.

8th & 9th: missed social studies/global, chose my english teacher to be the general education teacher.

6th & 7th: missed support class, chose my social studies teacher to be the general education teacher.

so i’m highly convinced there’s a method to the madness.

anyways now i’m going to go into depth of each of the invited teachers.

if you remember this pic:

yes i have this picture somewhere in my favorites album, it’s easier to access that way.

also on the doc it has my real name (cuz liv is derived from olivia) but PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME OLIVIA. ty.

person #1: the chairperson/psychologist

if i get any testing done within the triennial period, like how i did my freshman year, i would get pulled out to take a variety of tests. i remember being so mad when i realized my IQ from grade 4 is the same as it was in grade 9, and i’m in the above average range for VSI.

which is insane. i used to be below average for VSI.

VSI, or Visual Spatial Index, is a subtest in the WISC-V tests for an ability to evaluate visual details and understand visual-spatial relationships to construct geometric designs from a model. (Child Psychologist AU).

the link to that article ->

also i don’t live in AUS, but this is the best definition on it.

2. my math teacher, also my favorite teacher! she recommended me to take two math classes, which is a shock even for me and also i love her so much because it’s fun to see her teach and her teaching style brings so much joy to my life and i can’t wait to see what the rest of the year has in store.

the only part i’m worried about, well, maybe two things.

general ed teachers have to take notes on me leading up to the meeting…and i don’t know what’s contained in these notes she’s written, so yeah that’s one. also, i told her that if she ever sees me distracted., she can redirect me — i guess i have never realized just how much i do get distracted until she tells me to stay on task when we do group work!

pretty much every group i’ve been in with my friends (so like clover, daniela, and meredith) we’ve been told to stop talking about other topics, and the only reason why is because im there.

clover & daniela normally work alone, together, without meredith and i and they’re super productive. they talk AND get work done.

meredith & i are the opposite. we work together any chance we get when she doesn’t pick partners and while meredith and i work we both distract each other.

the only annoying problem is, every time i get redirected from talking to meredith, we are always talking about a math problem.

when i got redirected with clover and daniela, we were distinctly talking about a different topic…!

3. my case manager/special ed teacher:

well i think she has a plethora of things to say about me. but like a plethora of GOOD things. because im a great student. i have a 92 in english and she’s the coteacher so it works out perfectly for me! :)

plus my writing is super strong, i wrote a 507-word response for english when it was supposed to be 5-7, and my other english teacher wrote this lovely comment!

you don’t have to read the whole thing, especially if you haven’t read the great gatsby.

but my english teacher gave 7 perfect scores on this assignment so of course i’m so proud of this.

4. my guidance counselor

even though i just saw her for my junior meeting, i know she also has a plethora of good things to say, so im not worried about her input.

5. my speech teacher

worried- i have not gone to speech in a while, either because my case manager hasn’t sent me my speech schedule and because i use the period i have speech to finish any tests so my teachers don’t hunt me down in the testing room…which HAS happened.

6. also not mentioned, at least on the document, but my other general class teachers get an email the monday of and have to write like 3-6 sentences on my progress in their class.

the other 3 blurred people are my parents and i., but i don’t want information out there on my parents on tumblr.

also i accidentally blurred the location. it’s supposed to be a video conference, but i told the committee to make it in-person and now both my parents are coming so yay!

anyways this is a long post but i hope you enjoyed! i wrote this at my local hairdresser 🤗

im gonna prob post after the meeting, so like period 3 or 5 or even 9 about what went down in a new post.

thanks for reading :)

ps if you’re still there, i’m gonna make a new style where i use the quote text as a header for my posts.

bye now! :)

[dogtierz]

How would you classpect Omori characters?

IM SO GLAD I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS!!! okay i’m putting a tldr at the start but warning for long post ahead of my reasoning (this is very much so me rambling) — also apologies for answering this ask so late ive spent the last like . 4 days thinking about this

sunny: mage of void

basil: sylph of life

mari: seer of heart

kel: heir of hope

hero: page of heart

aubrey: maid of rage

explanations under the cut !!!!

starting off with sunny ofc:

im gonna be so real i do Not have an explanation of why i chose mage . it just made sense in my head !!! i think it is a fun little interesting parralel to mari having the passive version of the knowledge class,, as for aspect,, i feel like void is pretty self explanatory. idk! i dont have much to say for this one but trust me it made sense in my head,!! i would like to hear if anyone else has a sunny god tier headcanon cuz yeah this is the one i am least confident in tehe

alright basil i feel like i can answer very easily:

i’d say he is definitely a sylph — and part of this may or may not be me projecting as i am a sylph and i really relate to basil’s character ;D

sylphs at their core are a passive, creation class. i think its a given basil would play a more passive class, i cant explain it but it just objectively makes sense to me. basils whole deal is that he wants to fix things, and feels inclined to heal and go back and fix his past mistakes, making sylph pretty much a given.

i was kinda torn between choosing the life or hope aspect for basil, as both objectively make sense in canon - but i wanted to sort of limit choosing multiple of the same aspects for characters. i think the life aspect makes sense for basil more, especially due to the plant symbolism n stuffs

ANYWAY,, sylph of lives whole deal are to allow for emotional growth in other people. i think the rest of the group very much so see basil as a person to look up to, someone who always tries to see the best in things and allows and encourages others to undergo personal growth.

alright mari time:

okay mari was kind of an obvious choice for me. i think seer very much so makes sense for her character, she’s very emotionally intelligent and being the sort of leader in their group, she has a lot of knowledge and serves as someone the rest of the group looks up to.

seers are very likely to slip into depressive states and have a pessimistic outlook on things, even though mari seems very optimistic to everyone else around her, we know as an objective fact that she is an overworker, overthinker and has the tendency to slip into states of perfectionism - i guess in a sense this can be compared to rose and her tendancy to slip into unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviours too

seers are pretty much an essential for a successful sburb session - and i think this fits well with the fact that mari is an essential to the friend group.

heart is a given, i feel i dont have to explain why mari has the heart aspect — seers of hearts are a classpect who invites knowledge through heart. and again mari suits this very very much imo!

okay! kel!!

alright. classpecting kel was kinda difficult — the hope aspect was obvious but finding a class for this dude,, man,, was it hard but in the end i decided to settle on

the base definition of a heir of hope is someone who influences and inspires the hope of others - allowing change from hopeless to hopeful, this defintely applies to kel in canon.

kel is very much a hopeful optimist, his reaction to maris death compared to the others was to hide his own emotions and remain hopeful (even though he did react badly, he just repressed it), he always was the one to hold out hope that the group would get back together, be friends again and everything would be fine! he just wanted his friends to be happy and tried to turn them from hopeless and lost to hopeful! — i think this is very well shown in the church scene w aubrey and how so badly kel just ! wanted to help !! ahhhggh i love him

heir of hopes are a motivational rock to their session, which acts like how kel is to the group

also i feel like kel kind of reminds me of john a little bit - i suppose this perhaps maybe a tiny lil bit influenced my descision u_u

for hero:

i chose page of heart,, i liked having hero and mari share an aspect bc they are just . they are both so lovey and heart to me ;3; and man obviously hero would have the heart aspect, i mean, nothing else would suit his character more.

a page of heart is someone who invited exploitation through heart, the passive counterpart to the knight class. pages are a strong and smart class, as is hero. a page of heart is passionate and thinks w their heart, again, as does hero.

pages are STRONG, and i feel like hero as the ability to play a very strong and important class. hearts and pages are both prone to being sensitive people, loving, caring and i suppise charming too (again!!!! as is hero!!! :P) — also if this makes any sense to literally Anyone else,, hero kinda reminds me of jake in a sense i Cannot explain why PSNDHDJ

and lastly, aubrey

like sunny i struggled a lot classpecting her but i got there in the end and - i actually have an explanation !!!

firstly, rage being the parralel counterpart to the hope aspect (which is what i classpected kel) is very funny to me, i think in game they have a very fun relationship and exploring that through them having polar opposite aspects is silly

maids are an active creation class, aubrey creates rage as a way to deal with the grief of losing mari. i think she does this more by self destruction but she very much so also takes her anger out on others and utilising her emotions for her class is something i feel is very interesting. aubrey creates rage through herself and takes it out on those around her

thank u for reading if u read all of this.. i enjoyed v much so writing this (i wanna draw em now too -__-) + i apologise if i got anything classpecty wrong.. pls correct me if so!!

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2014 My Nutrisystem journey has begun! I gained a little weight recently and crept up to 151 pounds. This will be my starting point on my way down to 125. That's my highest goal weight, anyway. At 4’ 11” I can go as low as 100, but this is not likely with my age and muscle density.

I was both pissed and pleased when the shipment arrived. They gave me more than I ordered, but they also gave me stuff I don’t like. I hate spicy foods, yet what did they do when they had to make substitutes for things they were out of? They gave me chili, Mexican tortilla soup, and a few other things I don’t care for. They should have given me other things I ordered, figuring that I didn’t order sloppy Joes, for example, because I don’t like that. What really pissed me off were the things I got that they say I ordered which I know for a fact I didn’t order. The last thing I would order would be spicy Kung Pao noodle soup. What’s the point of paying extra to customize my plan if they’re just going to pick and choose for me?

I do like the chocolate shakes I was surprised with. They’re part of the Fast Five. I thought the Fast Five kit included a 5-day meal plan cuz that’s what the kit was for that I got in Walmart several months ago, but this is actually a 7-day plan. They expect you to lose 5 pounds during this, though one woman lost 7 while a guy lost 9. After the first week, then I go to the regular plan.

I’ve had my breakfast and I can certainly say their double chocolate muffins rock! Very rich, tasty and chock full of chocolate chips.

I have logged my first 190 calories and my first 2 cups of water. I logged my weight as well, but not my measurements yet. I’ll have Tom take those scary numbers when he gets up since it’s easier for someone else to measure us.

I kind of feel bad for letting Mitch have it like I did because he is having a rough time. He understands why I went off on him, though. At least I think he does. If he’s rude again in public I will simply remove him.

I was pissed to find that Prosebox is down again. This is their second attack in less than a month. At least I think that’s what it is. I really hope that the guy’s post about how the site is a little more responsibility than he would like since he didn’t expect it to become what it has, wasn't really a warning of sorts, like some kind of farewell. I did find it a bit odd that he would only accept private comments on the entries. I've never known him to do that before. I would hate to see the site go because it’s so unique and I love the way that we can create different books for different things, but whatever happens, happens. I don't think it's been shut down, though, because I get a message saying that the site administrator has been notified of the problem and not a ‘page not found’ notice. Time will tell. What sucks is the timing. If he hasn’t intentionally shut it down it could be a few days till it’s back up again what with the holidays and all that.

Unlike some folks, I’m smart enough to keep copies of my stuff in other locations, but what would really suck would be if I couldn’t access my Dreams book. I add my dreams to a single draft post throughout the month that I publish at the end of it, and then I copy it elsewhere. Worst case scenario I search “dream” in my Word copy to weed out the dreams, but that’d be a hassle I hope I won’t have.

This is the second time in less than a month this has happened and it’s already getting old. Let’s hope the guy either sells the site to someone who’s more into the idea of keeping it going or that he gets his shit together. And damn the person who attacked the site, if it was indeed attacked. Kind of makes you wonder who the hell the guy could’ve pissed off bad enough, but maybe the provider was the target and not Prosebox specifically.

If it’s gone for good, I wonder if any of my friends and followers there will look me up on other sites? Either way, I’m like most people in that I’m easily bored with tales of things that don’t interest me. Can’t say I’ll miss the pregnancy/baby stories. Just how in the world do so many mothers find the time to sit and write and read on blogging/journal sites as often as they do anyway?

Later…

So NS didn't mess up after all. The unordered items I got are part of the free week I received. So I've got 5 weeks of food here, not 4. Next shipment launches on 1/29.

Tom and I worked out and he took my measurements before leaving for work, which he hopes to escape from early. What scary numbers! My thighs are as big as my waist should be. It’s like I’m proportioned well, but I’m not. I’m still an hourglass; I’m just a rather half-assed one. I need to lose half a foot off my chest and hips and a foot off my waist. I doubt, however, that I’ll be the 35-25-35 I used to be with 18” thighs. Instead, my measurements are:

Arms: 12, Chest: 41, Waist: 37, Hips: 42, Thighs: 25

Got a direct hit to my Blogger blog from San Antonio with what I’m pretty sure was from Molly who does have family in that area. She’s not in Austin now but is soon heading back there.

So she does revert back to her old ways in cases of idle hands? This is what I worry about when she leaves Marbridge. When she doesn’t have that place keeping her busy and she’s no longer being stalked by Josh, does she then revert back to Aly and I? Still can’t believe she’s gone this long without mentioning Aly in her blogs. That just doesn’t seem like her at all and I don’t care how much she may’ve changed. Something’s gotta be up with that. I sometimes wonder if Aly is still her friend and has somehow gotten her to keep her mouth shut about it and are hiding their friendship, but Aly swears she’s not in touch with her.

So then where is the “I miss Alison… Please forgive me… You’re a wonderful person… I hope we can move on and be friends…” kind of thing?

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2014 I was surprised to get up to find that my Nutrisystem order is to arrive tomorrow. That fast?! I never would have gotten as many groceries as I did had I known it would come this fast, but it’s only shooting over from Reno, so it turns out. This is good timing as my weight was starting to climb. I’m still working out, as usual, but I’ve been overeating more often lately.

Looking forward to a healthier me (but not the hunger as I get used to the smaller portions), and now I have to decide if I want to start tomorrow or the next day.

Gotta make some preparations first. Gotta make some space in the pantry and get my NS profile ready to go for weight/food/measurement logging and all that. It will be torturous but fun! :)

I was swimming in a pool, and then I was standing on a deserted shoreline in my dreams last night. I wanted to take a dip in the ocean, but the waves were too big to trust.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2014 For the first time since I've known my cyber friend Mitch, he was actually pretty rude to me on Facebook. I sometimes share some questions and answers from my first Ask account, and when I got up I found a rude comment asking if there was any way to block this “Ask crud.”

Is there some reason he couldn't ask me this in private? Being blunt is one thing, being rude is another. It's sad to see this once fun and creative guy turn into a little more than a political drunk. No wonder he's always complaining that people badmouth him, and he even said something about being hit with a slander lawsuit. Well, he can either be more polite, or he can take a broom handle and shove it up his ass hard enough to knock his amazingly yellow teeth out.

Yesterday we made the Nutrisystem order I was planning to make. It was fun picking out all the foods since I got the custom Core Plan. Tom cracked me up because knowing how much he’d hate most of the foods, he said, “This would be easy for me. For breakfast, all I’d have to do is just order 21 chocolate donuts.”

The order is actually for 28 days, but it includes a free Fast Five in which the food is preselected. I'm looking forward to popping out these muscles and getting healthier, but I'm definitely not looking forward to the hunger part of it. As with any major change, things take time to get used to.

Their site seems pretty amazing with lots of support as well as fun tools to help keep you motivated. You log your measurements every month, your weight every week, and every day you check off how many cups of water you drink, as well as what you did for exercise, and then what you ate.

They also have blogs, journals, and a support community. You can even contact a counselor when the going gets tough.

We also ordered a couple of toe rings for me, and then Tom told me he wanted a new scale. I said, “Why do we need a new scale? The one we have works fine.”

But this one measures more than just your weight. Using an electric current that runs through your feet that you're not supposed to be able to feel, it also measures your water bone and muscle density. Sounds pretty pricey, but it isn't.

Had another dream of my dentist for some reason. I was gift-wrapping a long box that looked like it may have contained a couple of long fluorescent bulbs, LOL, much like what we just replaced in our kitchen. I knew that she knew that the gift was for her, and so when I tried to move it out of her view until I got it all wrapped, she stepped back so that it would be harder for her to see what it was. Then she said something about wanting to do something special for my birthday. I smiled like a happy kid, jumped up, ran and threw my arms around her.

"Aw," she goes. LOL

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2014 Gonna be ordering Nutrisystem’s Core Plan later on, but I still wonder if my metabolism is alive enough to do this. I sure hope so! It says to expect to lose 5 pounds the first week, then 1-2 a week. I’d just hate to spend the money only to lose 3-4 pounds despite sticking to it faithfully. That is, after all, why I haven’t dieted in so long. I got sick of the initial few-pound loss and then how my body would stop losing even though I would keep dieting. If I’m going to work really hard I want to see results for my efforts!

Realized I haven’t had backaches in a while now. Wonder if it’s cuz I switched pillows or because I added back flies to my workout routine. Fucking winter, though! I want to exercise outside yet it is too cold. I miss the fresh air. We’re going to be in the high 20s in a few nights. Ugh!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2014 Yesterday I had some random memories pop into my mind of my mother. One of them was about the way she would taunt me about my weight as a child. I have pictures throughout my entire youth yet where the hell was I “fat?” The only fat spells I had was a brief one when I was in my late teens, then after I quit smoking, and then when my thyroid crashed. But even at my fattest, I was never literally huge or anywhere near as big as she was.

It never ceases to amaze me how full of hypocrites this world really is. Lonely is the one who picks on those who prefer not to have tons of friends. Poor is the one who picks on those who don't have much money. Fat and ugly is the one who picks on others for the way they look. Deceptive is the one who insists others are always bullshitting them.

Another memory I had which I have written about in the past is definitely the worst memory I have pertaining to my mother. I don't remember exactly how old I was but I couldn't have been more than 10 or so. We were at the beach at our summer cottage when I decided that I would go on a starvation diet that also included not having any liquids. At that age, I sure as hell didn't know any better.

On the second or third day of this “diet”, I awoke incredibly weak and unable to get out of bed. Our cottage was tiny and I called to my mother for help who sat in the next room playing backgammon with her best friend Charlotte. She refused to help me, saying that I got myself into that mess so I would just have to be the one to get myself out of it. I can tell you for damn sure that had that kitchen not been right off the bedroom I slept in, there's a damn good chance I may have died. I don't think she ever even realized just how much of a risk she took by carelessly ignoring my cries for help. It took me hours to muster up the strength just to jump up and grab a devil dog, which was the closest thing I could grab from the kitchen. Then it seemed to take me another hour just to open the damn thing and eat it.

If she could materialize long enough I would absolutely torture her. Forget about all the other millions of things she put me through. I will never ever forgive her or the God above that sat back and allowed her to do the things she did to me. Must’ve been pretty fucking funny in His eyes. They say that when we go through shit in life it’s only God “testing” us. Yeah, how fucking tough do you think a 10-year-old kid is, you bastard?! How tough should she be?

Well, if there truly is an afterlife where we all meet up with dead family members, and if there truly is a God, not even He can stop me from inflicting my own brand of hell should we meet beyond the pearly gates.

My nieces are already having problems at their new apartment. Kids throwing sticks and balls at cars in the parking lot, I guess. I can just imagine the noise.

In one dream I had last night, Tom and I went and got a bunch of rats. We assumed they were all male rats. Then it hit us that some could be females that could also be pregnant. We were wondering how we should handle all the babies and if we should just try to weed out whatever female rats we could find right then and there and return them to the store or what.

In another dream, I might have won a house, but my dream self didn't seem to know for sure. Well, the dream didn't go on long enough for me to find out. Meanwhile, my parents were present – again – and I was trying not to get ahead of myself and let myself get all excited in case I was wrong.

Later…

They weren’t kidding when they said that keeping a journal could help us to see things more clearly later on down the road that may’ve flown over our heads when we wrote them. I’m not just referring to how naïve and stupid I could be when I was younger, but how utterly stupid I was when it came to Maliheh. shakes head in disgust When she finally contacted me in 2010, she said she hadn’t contacted me until then because she was instructed not to. At the time I took this to mean because I had told her not to contact me when I thought she was messing with me online before I learned it was someone else. I then apologized for accusing her and contacting her friends and told her I hoped to hear from her. Well, in hindsight – and I can’t believe I missed this knowing how vindictive she was/is – I can see that she probably went right on the legal defensive when I first contacted her about a book loosely based on us with a major twist of an ending. In blunt English, she was no doubt hoping to “get” me in some way being the totally unforgiving, hateful, spiteful person she can be, which means she probably consulted a lawyer who told her not to contact me (until the lawyer saw she had no case).

She even paid to get a copy of the old police report, and of course, she stated “facts” when she first contacted me on the old MyOpera site that was totally false. Whether or not her memory was just messed up or she was intentionally lying, I do not know. All I know is that she asked me to dance the instant I walked into the place and not the other way around. She voluntarily gave me her number. I did not ask someone else for it. She kissed me on the cheek on the way out that night and not the other way around. My pranks to her went on for less than half the time she claimed they did. I never pranked her after I was summoned to court as she also claimed because I was too afraid to. Lastly, never did I order Fran to call and threaten her. If he did, he did that on his own and that was very wrong of him. The guy’s dead, so he can’t speak for himself. I can only speak for myself.

So she states facts, half of which are incorrect or not quite right, then she goes on to make all these demands of me and I could really kick myself for being too nice and too forgiving like I was all in the name of how she looked. If anyone’s learned a lesson about seeing past some people’s beauty and into the coldness of their hearts, it’s me. Damn me for kissing her ass like I did! Really, I could kick myself for that and all because she was hot? Well, inside she was the cruelest, hateful, deceptive, mean, vengeful person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Maybe she did come to care for me for a while – I don’t know. Only she knows that, but that doesn’t matter anymore. The fact is that she befriended me under false pretenses and that was to see to it that her name was kept out of the book, which it has been.

That much I can see a person wanting. That much was pretty reasonable; wanting your name kept out of something someone might profit from, but who the hell was she to tell me not to use her name in my own damn blog? To what did she think I owed her that much anyway? And if she was oh so innocent all those years ago, then what was she so afraid of? Huh? What was she so afraid of? What did Little Miss Victim have to hide that she wanted her name kept out of this and kept out of that? And how could I have been so blind to see that that’s classic behavior of one who knows they did something wrong and wants to keep it hidden?

Well, she can rest assured she’ll never be named in any past or future books of mine, but not mention her in my own damn journal? I don’t think so! She’s out of my life and I seldom refer to her, but that’s my right to do so as long as I keep it within the law! I have read up on blogger’s rights and there is nothing that says I can’t use first names. Nothing. I have two rules I always abide by – no full names or other sensitive info and no threats. If you’re not a friend of mine, I’m not going to cater to your privacy wishes. Period. There is no law that says we can’t use first names as long as it’s not a public figure we’re insisting we had some wild affair with or something like that.

I’m sorry I let her appearance cloud my judgment. I normally see right through people’s bullshit. Had I not been so damn stupid where she was concerned, I could’ve seen what she was really after when she contacted me a few years ago, promising to always be my friend until she one day disappeared forever, realizing she’d gotten what she wanted and that I was no longer of any use to her. The dumb Jodi put up with her shit. The smart Jodi would slam the door in her face if she showed up here starving and homeless. She is just an absolutely miserable person that will no doubt continue to alienate people through her poor treatment of others, and I’m sure she still loves to use the law to get at those that piss her off, be it neighbors or anyone else. Probably still reads my blog here and there always looking for ways to screw me. shakes head sadly Some people are just born haters. I’m gonna end it right here. Thinking about her any more than I have to makes me sicker than sick. Why do some people hate themselves so much that they feel the constant need to make others just as miserable as they can, be it through the law or just by playing with their heads?

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2014 Last night I had a long detailed dream involving a visit to my still very much alive parents who wanted to pay to move us to Florida where they had a ground-floor apartment. The only catch was that we were still living in Phoenix, Arizona, and we had to stay with them until we got our own place. In reality, I would go back to Oregon before I stayed with them! I could stand my father but not my mother.

My dream self was torn because it isn't very often that somebody offers to pay you to move you long distance, but I didn't know how I could deal with having to sleep with Tom and the sleep schedule thing. Tom suggested that I simply explain it to my parents. I laughed at him and said, “You know how it is with people. When they don't get it, it simply doesn't exist. Period.”

I asked my father if it was quiet as we all sat in their living room. My mother said nothing and kept her eyes glued to the TV while Dad confirmed it was quiet. Pointing at the living room wall, I asked, is there somebody behind that wall? He nodded, and then I pointed to the opposite wall, which was in their kitchen, and asked if somebody was behind that wall as well. He nodded again.

In private I asked Tom if he thought maybe they were tired of us being so far away and if they liked the idea of us being closer to Tammy. He said he thought that could be part of it, but that we had to really be sure that's what we wanted to do since it wouldn't be that easy to get back out west once the move was made. Realizing we may never be able to move that far again until he was retired, I thought it through in my mind and decided we should go for it.

Suddenly, Andy and I were talking outside my parents’ place. He went inside the front door to wash his hands in the bathroom. A minute later, I followed, darting through the living room and by my dad who sat watching TV. I ran through to the back of the place, loving the feel of the solid floor beneath my feet that was on a concrete foundation, and then we slipped out the back door to go wherever.

I woke up for a minute, fell back asleep, and the dream actually continued with us returning to Phoenix to discuss things in further detail, and to Nane, who rented a room in our house for a steep $1200 a month, LOL.

Tom was taking a nap and Nane was packing her truck, telling me she planned to move on soon as well. I pretended to feel indifferent towards her as we spoke, but then I felt a twinge of sadness and I quickly kissed her goodbye before I turned and went indoors. I sat down to play a keyboard that had what I thought would be various sound effects programmed in it. Instead, they were simply clips of popular songs.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2014 Very disappointed in my bronze Tamsin statue of a sitting nude lady. She’s half the size of the other two I have from that series. The figurine is a fine sculpt; it’s just way too small.

As they say, we can’t just eat right and work out, we have to eat less in order to lose more than just a few pounds. So I cut back the last two days after I’d begun to climb and lost 5 pounds. Ah, but they will be back real soon, for we are going to Denny’s in a few hours for my final eat-out meal before Nutrisystem. I tried their peanut butter and fudge pancakes when Andy visited and they were so damn good. I must have one more round before the diet begins! Nutrisystem does allow for snacks; just snacks that are 100 calories a pop and not over 1000.

So the video backs up the officer’s claims of self-defense, huh? So what. People are going to pitch a fit over it anyway seeing that some people obviously believe they should be allowed to be the thugs that they are without repercussions.

Not much in the way of dreams last night. Just something about us still being with the Jes pest and him saying he would put the dogs in a spot that would bother the hell out of me when we left. He would never be that considerate in person. When it came to his mutts, he was going to do what he was going to do, and to hell with those it may’ve put out.

Later…

Just got done playing with the rats, one of whom did not want to go home and is utterly obsessed with my slippers. I was sitting on the couch and the slippers disappeared one by one underneath it. Then we played our chase games and I got some laundry started.

It's been a very quiet Christmas for what parts of it I've been around for. I thought there'd be lots of traffic coming and going and that people would have tons of company but it's pretty dead around here.

Last night we went to Denny’s and I had my last pre-Nutrisystem gourmet feast. A handsome young black man who was rather slow waited on us, but it was still nice. Well, with the exception of the homeless man nearby with the cough from hell. I guess it's safe to say that after all these hours whatever it was he had wasn't contagious.

I ordered pancakes smothered in peanut butter and hot fudge, eggs, bacon and French fries. Everything that’s fattening and unhealthy whether you have high cholesterol or not.

This weekend we will be ordering the Nutrisystem plan I have chosen and I will begin in early January. Tom wants to lose weight too, and wants this new high-tech scale that measures your body fat, lean mass, water weight, and bone mass. Not sure it’s worth it, though. I mean it’s just going to tell me I’m small-boned, have more muscle than the norm, get watery once a month, and aren’t that fat but could still stand to lose a little. I’ll let Tom decide if he wants it or not.

The best news is that it’s been one whole month since I needed a chill pill! Yeah, Doc C, I really needed a shrink to get to this point. spoken with sarcasm I couldn’t possibly have been on too high a dose of levothyroxine.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2014 So another black kid, Antonio Whateverthehell, got shot he was supposedly unarmed and as innocent as a newborn babe. And of course, it won't matter if the kid turns out to be a criminal who was actually threatening the cops into believing that their lives may be in danger because he was black, right? I mean so what if white people get shot too that don't deserve to be shot. After all, they're only white, and these days white lives don't seem to matter nearly as much. Do you see anybody rioting and looting for them? I sure don’t.

But I'm also the last person to be a fan of the cops. I know without a doubt the corruption that goes on within any law enforcement agency in the world. Remember, once upon a time I saw it firsthand. Many, many times. As soon as you deal with anybody with any kind of authority, you're almost always dealing with corruption. Despite the corruption out there, I know that color has absolutely nothing to do with the reason the vast majority of those get shot. They get shot because they’re criminals. Period. Act like a thug and you shall be treated like a thug. Are there some who are framed, or brought in on exaggerated, trumped-up charges? Absolutely. But that’s about power and control, not about color. The problem with most cops is that they want to “get” somebody. Anybody.

Yet in truth, if that many cops wanted to shoot people simply because they were black, there would be a million times more shootings going on, and I don’t have to be a legal or race expert to know this. Anyone with common sense could see this, but I realize most aren’t going to want to. A small handful of cops may be genuinely prejudiced, but the vast majority of them aren't, and if they are, they're not about to act on it. Not in this day in age where it’s not “politically correct” and people want to kill you for it. 50 years ago, sure.

I also realize that people are going to believe what they're going to believe. No matter what evidence is turned up along the way as they investigate this case, once people make up their minds about what to believe, nothing is going to change it. If it turns out that this cop is married to a black woman people will still run around saying that it was all about race.

Do I feel guilty or ashamed for what my own personal opinions and beliefs are? Nope. Absolutely not. I make no apologies for how I feel, “normal” or not, and neither should anybody else. As far as who’s right and who’s wrong in this particular case, I guess only time will tell. Or maybe we’ll never know. Maybe the only ones who can ever really know what happened are those involved, and one of them is dead.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2014 Signing in on what's a quiet day that will hopefully stay quiet. Didn't get up till early afternoon, so I don't expect that much noise anyway between now and when it gets dark. The only annoyance is that they just turned our water off. I’d have been pissed if I were in the shower.

All I remember from last night's dreams had something to do with Doc C and her parents and my parents all getting together in the same house. My parents decided they had to leave as soon as her parents got there, and I was hoping that her parents wouldn't think they left because they didn't like them or anything like that.

Suddenly I realized I was hungry and I looked in her refrigerator to find slices of bologna and a package of cheese slices. I didn't want to raid what little was in her refrigerator so I just peeled some of the edges off the bologna and ate that.

Then I saw a map of a floor plan lying on a table. It was the house that I knew she intended to get that was over 2000 square feet. Next to a room on the corner of the plan, she wrote, “Me and queer.” As I pondered who “queer” was, it then hit me that the party I was at probably had something to do with her getting this house. I wanted to chat with her but she was always talking with somebody else and I didn't want to rudely butt in and interrupt them. And so I remained more or less in the shadows watching the people mingle.

Cutting back my food intake yesterday paid off since I'm down 2.2 pounds. My weight had been starting to climb, though it could have been water retention. I'm trying to take it easy anyway and sort of prep my body for Nutrisystem. That's coming up in a couple of weeks or so from now.

Tom will be home in a couple of hours, and I wish it stayed lighter longer because then he might be more tempted to go on a bike ride with me. You know I think indoor working out is incredibly boring. It's better than nothing, though. I guess I'll go post this and then decide when I want to do today’s housecleaning.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2014 This isn’t going to be a very long entry since I don’t have much to say. I don’t even remember my dreams from last night. It seems my dentist and her assistant may’ve been in one of them, and then there was something about packing.

Well, Andy should be done packing and on his way back to winter after enjoying a week of summery weather. Our T-shirt weather came back yesterday, though today’s not as sunny.

I looked on Amazon and Walmart for ring holders, and sure they have some cute ones with nice shiny colors. But when I saw one of a cat whose tail is used to hold rings, I thought to myself, bet I could save $5 - $20 and find one of my animals has a suitable tail to hold rings. Sure enough, I have a cat and a dog with tails sticking straight up. Decided the Siberian husky would make the best ring holder. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to end up with 20 toe rings anyway. Not with how hard they are to get on and off and adjusted properly. They don’t slip on and off like rings, and if they do, you won’t have them for very long.

Later…

I love Andy like a brother but I hate so much of his personality these days. I'm trying to think of excuses for not checking in with him as much that he'll actually buy and be okay with. Well, he may not be okay with it, but he’ll at least get it. I don't want to get into any kind of sophisticated lie, of course, but I’m trying to come up with something that's simple and believable. If I just say I don't feel like being online as much he's not going to buy it. He will suspect something is up and that it has to do with him personally. I know him.

So Kim got mad at Aly and didn't talk to her for a while today. Aly was trying to point out that she has reading comprehension problems that she can get over with time just like she did. Well, she took it personally. Honestly, though, I think Kim is naturally dumb, maybe even retarded. I'm sure there's some kind of mental defect in her brain. After all, she's got to be on disability for a reason besides the fact that she's crazy.

I still don't understand why Aly, or anybody else for that matter, would choose to surround themselves with people that are that fucked in the head. I know it’s her life and all that, but she says that they go back 10 years and her feelings for Kim are complicated and not so black and white.

I know I did the same thing myself when I was younger as far as mixing with the wrong people. Stupidity and instability were all I seemed to attract, and I was too nice and too forgiving to walk away from it. But then one day I grew older and wiser, and walk away was exactly what I did. The older me would never in a million years be friends with the likes of Fran, Nervous, and probably not even Andy.

Why would anybody want to be friends with a known liar and stalker, though? With people that are so damn selfish that they lack empathy and don't care to pay attention to what their friends say. The constant stupidity alone would drive me crazy. Forget about all the lies and lack of sensitivity.

I know my growing pickiness has made me less tolerant, but whether or not my frustrations are right or wrong, I have no tolerance for brain-dead, selfish people who can’t shut up and haven’t an ounce of compassion for others.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2014 When I got up I heard people talking outside and thought the phone company was back, but nope. Then the landscapers came around that got rained out last week, and then the guy in the garage on the opposite corner began working in his garage. Although his sawing isn’t as loud as Bob’s since he’s a few houses away, it can still be heard on this side of the house. I swear every other garage is used as a workshop here. As Andy asked, what’s the point of having a retirement community if they’re going to allow such loud sounds? And damn the cock neighbors! Never have I had a female neighbor that sawed and hammered like this. Never.

I realized next door isn't on vacation after all. It later hit me that last year they also left their garage light on as a reminder so they would remember to turn their Christmas lights off before they went to bed.

Tom and I went out riding. I threw a few pieces of bread in my basket and we went down the “rollercoaster” and to the lake. We fed the ducks, then I sprinted off and really gave Tom a run for his money that left him out of breath, LOL. I’m gaining confidence as I get back to my old self. In less than a week, it will have been one month since I needed a chill pill and all the more reason I want to slap both my old docs for not recognizing that the problem was the meds and not me. I don’t care how hot one of them might’ve been! Again, it’s why I canceled the friend request if she even got it in the first place.

As I mentioned the other day, I sent Paula a letter. One of these days I'll give her a call, but right now I’m not in the mood to listen to her ramble on and on about the same old shit for an hour or so, and then realize when I hang up that all I said was “yep, uh-huh, yeah, oh, okay, sure.”

I was browsing Amazon Prime for new music. How is it that today's music has gotten to be so utterly boring as it has?

Safari was running awfully slow so I went back to Firefox. The only thing I'll miss is the autocorrect.

In last night’s dreams, I was dying my hair with a dye that dried instantly and required no rinsing, then I was living in my grandparents’ house, and finally, I was watching footage from long ago of a bunch of people being captured. I don’t know why or who they were, but we watched one little girl try to run off before some guy caught her. The people I was watching the footage with were trying to guess where they’d been taken. I seemed to think they were somewhere in Europe.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2014 What is today’s annoyance? Oh, just the phone company searching for bad wires around here somewhere, probably next door since they’re digging under their house. At least they aren’t running any loud equipment. Not yet anyway. I hear voices in the master bedroom, but nothing on this side of the house. That’s part of why I moved my office into this room; they’ve usually got a little too much going on over there between projects and services, though I haven’t heard any sawing or hammering since I last talked to him. I’m sure that’s more because of the weather than because he suddenly got hit with a dose of common courtesy.

The green waste people did pick up our green waste after all. It really looked like the truck just drove on by and ignored the bin. I'm glad they did pick it up after all.

Now the phone company people are gabbing on this side of the house and they just slammed something on one of their trucks 8 or 9 times. Packing up their equipment, I guess. What will it be tomorrow, the electric company again? The cable company? Or will someone have a tree cut down?

My hair is continuing to thin out and I wonder when it is going to stop. I suppose I should be glad since my hair was already so thick and thinner hair is certainly easier to manage. But I guess because I'm not used to having it thinner, I just don't feel comfortable about it. I hope it stops before I have to consider Rogaine for women.

I looked at the different Nutrisystem plans they have to offer. There are three of them and they range from about $260 a month to $330. I decided I'm going to go with the middle plan. This one lets me choose my own foods. I just don't have as much to choose from as with the third plan, but it’s enough.

When Tom told me our grand total of income for the last year and a half I was nearly blown away. $54,000! I couldn’t fucking believe it! Us, the people that were forced to live on just $1200 a month for two years! We have come a looong way! Can’t mention the specifics online. All I’ll say is that Maui's looking more and more possible, even if a million things could happen between now and when he retires. Still not sure if he’ll work till he’s 70, though. Not if things keep looking as good as they have been. Not sure if he’ll retire at 62, either. We could make it, but not as comfortably.

Last night I dreamed I was with 2 or 3 Italian women who looked like characters from a book I wrote years ago. Steve, this wonderful black guy who lived across the hall from me in an apartment building in Springfield, MA in 1990, was also in the dream. He was one of the greatest people I ever knew. Very smart, very friendly, very helpful. Had looks not mattered to me (he wasn’t ugly, but he was just there), I’d have married him. Glad I didn’t, though, cuz Tom’s even smarter and friendlier and even more helpful.

Anyway, I was trying to help the Italian woman with a computer problem but was only getting so far. So I called upon Steve and was so glad to see him. I ran to him for a hug and he lifted me off my feet during our embrace just like he would in real life. It sucks that I’ve never been able to find him. I’ve always wondered how he’s been over the years.

In the second dream, I was in Maui. I had gone with Aly and didn’t seem to know Tom. The hotel room looked like a regular room, only there was also an enclosed bedroom. I was asleep in the enclosed room and woke up in the middle of the night. When I stepped out of the room, it was pitch dark in the main room. I thought I saw movement in the darkness, though, and worried someone broke into the room, not thinking Aly would just walk around in the dark like that without saying anything. I turned on the light and found I was alone.

I heard a hotel staff member walk by outside and asked her what time it was. She said it was 4am and it worried me that Aly wasn’t back yet from wherever she’d gone off to when she dropped me off at the room earlier in the night.

I thought I overheard her mention fugitives to someone else and once again I wondered if something had been in our room. I quickly found my purse and made sure everything was intact, and it was.

Then I stepped through a part of the wall that only had a curtain hanging in that section of it and marveled at the perfect temperature and breeze. I realized how cold it would be back home at the moment. I could see people roaming about down on the beach despite the hour and looked up to see a surprising amount of stars visible in the night sky.

Then my worries went back to Aly’s whereabouts. I realized I had no idea how to get home on my own since she was the one who had been taking care of the ground and air transportation. Convinced I may never be able to get back to the mainland, I realized this was my chance to live in the perfect climate. Then I told myself to stop kidding myself. I said, “You can’t go without a place to live or without food. You can’t survive on the streets in an ideal climate any more than you could in a colder one. That’s why you nearly killed yourself, remember?”

Desperate to find Aly, I was off in search of my smartphone so I could see if I could get ahold of her, wherever she was, and that’s where the dream ended.

Later…

Just thought I would take some time to write down some thoughts, even though I'm actually speaking them right now. I just have to keep this private, since it’s about Kim. For the thousandth time, why the hell is it that this stalker is acting like she's the victim? Why has she blocked me on Twitter when she's the one that stalked me for many years?

It started when I checked out Aly’s followers out of curiosity. I found many of Kim's so-called fan pages in dedication to her celebrity obsession. That was when I noticed that she had blocked me as if I actually gave a shit. I don't know why it bothered me to see this, but it did. I really hate being treated like somebody I'm not, and I really hate to see others act like somebody they're not. I dumped this woman for lying to me and then she stalked me for years all the while playing the victim. Again, I know this shouldn't bother me and that I should just ignore it since it doesn't affect anything I do online, but for some reason, it really bothers me. Why do some people flatter themselves by thinking that people are giving them the attention they're not giving them? I just don't understand this, but if she’s as crazy as I think she is then she would really believe I’m watching her every move. Or maybe it's just one of the many roles that she likes to play. After all, she does love role-playing and she has admitted this herself. A part of me was tempted to make my tweets private, and then I decided not to let any of these trolls control my online actions. I'm not going to do anything because of what somebody else does, but because I want to do it.

The questions on Ask have stopped, so if it was Kim, she got scared off by my hinting at her street name, though I doubt it was Molly. Molly seems to have FINALLY let go and moved on from me. The reason I doubt Molly is because of the lack of blog views and because she’s so obsessed with Josh right now that she doesn’t even mention Aly. If she’s not focusing on Aly, then she sure as hell isn’t focusing on me. She wouldn’t go to Ask without going to Blogger.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2014 I "talked" out a 722-word letter to Paula, made some minor edits, then hit print. Amazing!

I was surprised yesterday when I heard Tom come home early. Well, they were having a Christmas party at work and he didn't think the food was very good so he left early.

After he came home we took the bikes out and rode for about a mile. He has an ear infection and I had cramps so we didn't want to go much further.

Last night I thought that next door might be on vacation because their garage light was on which they rarely ever have on. When they went on vacation last year the people that housesat for them left it on all the time, but it later went off so I guess they are not away.

Got some goodies in the mail (hey, I always do). Another one of those erotic figures made of cold cast bronze. Plus I'm going to put some of my work money towards a couple of new toe rings (which Google wanted to tell you were “toll rates”). One is blue glitter and the other is purple with a green vine-like design around it. I almost got a pink one with a dolphin, but wanted a design that wraps all the way around the ring. I hate it when the rings are upside down. I prefer rings that can never be upside down even when they are upside down.

Andy texted me to let me know it’s gorgeous in Pompano Beach. Not here. Here it’s raining, but I love how quiet it’s keeping things. Instead, Bob annoyed me in my dreams. I dreamed were actually attached to him and Virginia. Tom was taking a nap and I was just finishing up the dishes when I realized it was getting late in the afternoon. This made me hopeful that it would be quiet for the rest of the day, but sure enough, I heard what sounded like a drill start up. I woke up wondering if I should take the nicer route and say, “Hey, look. You can’t be doing shit like that around here with people so close to you.” Or should I just smash him over the head with the damn thing?

I am so fucking pissed! Last week they didn’t pick up our green waste. Tom called and was told it was recycle week that week. So we put our green waste bin out this week and the guy ignored it. I am going to be so fucking pissed if we were the ones that were right and they were the ones that fucked up!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2014 The instant I got up and clicked off my sound machine, I could hear Bob’s blower next door. This is the third day in a row too, that I got up at 9am. Guess something up there wants me to hear shit around here.

After his blower, and what might’ve been a few seconds of hammering, he got up on his roof to hose leaves off his carport roof.

I’m sure the park landscaping frenzy will begin any second now. I'm going to have to accept the fact that as long as we live here and as long as it's not raining or really hot, this place is going to be noisy whether I like it or not and whether I think a retirement community should be like this or not. We're going to be here for at least another decade unless we lose the place, so I am just going to have to learn to adapt once and for all. Quiet places may exist for others but they simply do not exist for me. Never has, never will.

My waste of time chat with Joy proves I need to just deal with it. After nearly two hours of something really loud running yesterday, I called and asked her why it’s a daily thing here while other places do their landscaping just once a week. I was surprised when she told me it was because if they don't keep up on it on a daily basis they not only get behind but they get calls with a lot of pissed-off people complaining. I am really surprised that people would rather hear all this racket for some pretty visuals. Of course you don't want the place to get too shabby looking but every single fucking day still seems a bit extreme to me. I realize, though, that the majority rules, and since I seem to be the only one here who’s bothered by it, they’re not going to change their routine anytime soon.

I realize that some of the racket could be coming from houses outside of the park as well as the golf course or the cemetery, but I really think it was inside the park.

Now I hear a car alarm going off. I may have to do my “talking texts” later in the evenings because it is just too distracting here in the daytime. At least it’s peaceful at night.

The “red lady,” as I have been referring to the woman across the street with the red SUV, has returned from wherever she was for a few days.

Later…

LMAO! I was trying to tell Aly via speech to text that I didn’t mind the parakeet we had over a decade ago singing when I was doing dishes, but would long to take a bat to the thing’s head when it would go on and on while I was trying to talk on the phone, and Google keeps saying I wanted to take a “bath.” LOL

Andy's on the plane now and on his way to his brother’s place in Pompano Beach. Hoping he forgot the damn Kindle! He should be busy having fun and doing things he doesn’t normally do, not playing online.

Tammy called yesterday and I decided to answer, figuring I wouldn't feel guilty about ignoring her as much as I hate chatting live as long as I answer at least every month or two, LOL. Most of the time I’m not even aware it’s ringing anyway.

She and Mark are doing the best they've done and probably what's years. They are now looking at manufactured homes for what I guess will be a retirement community. I told Tom that I warned her about having to deal with daily landscaping, but he had a good point in saying that maybe not because they don't have trees that lose their leaves there during the winter like we do here.

She is also continuing her work as a victim's advocate and says that her place is still quiet and the people are very friendly. I joke about moving in next door to her and how all that would change, and it's true, it would change if I moved in next to her. Noise loves to follow me wherever I go.

Anyway, she has Haitian neighbors that cooked dinner one night for them and she says it was really good.

I didn't know this but she almost died when she had a hysterectomy. I know she had a hysterectomy several years ago because of cancer, but I didn't know that she also had a staph infection that nearly killed her. So something up there likes to tease us both with death, I guess.

Last night I dreamed that I came upon a brown rat that looked like Tinkerbell, a rat we had about 8 years ago that was the best rat we ever had. She was just as friendly and playful as Tinkerbell was. She’d just had a litter of babies and I wanted to keep some of them, including her. I was watering some backyard somewhere and all the rats were sitting on the grass and I was trying not to get them too wet while I flooded a plant that had been drying out.

Then I had a dream involving my dad. I guess I was desperate or something because he handed me a wad of cash before they were to take him to prison for who knew what. I asked something like, “Will this save us?” and he looked at me as if to say of course it will.

Those bills must have been really big then!

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2014 They said it was supposed to rain today but right now it just seems very cloudy. Last night it rained quite a bit and there was even a bit of thunder.

People have commented on how well I am able to remember a lot of my dreams. Well, the trick is to repeat keywords to yourself upon waking up, and then jot down notes as soon as you get out of bed. I have to wait for a half-hour before I can eat or drink because of my meds, so that is when I usually write these things down.

From last night’s dream, the only one I really remember is getting up in the middle of the night. I left our house and went outside. It was still pitch dark out. I walked a short distance to another building and was going to unlock the door and enter it when I realized it was already open. I saw light glowing deeper within and for a split second, I was worried that somebody broke into whatever this other building was that was supposed to be ours.

But then I saw Tom sitting by either a TV or a computer.

“It's 4:30 in the morning,” I said to him, and he started to talk but I don't remember what he said.

The only other things I remember are just little snippets of things but no details. Me standing in a shower stall, me looking at a stack of candy, me looking at a video of myself on a beach somewhere and thinking that I really didn't look that fat after all. And then there was somebody speaking incorrect Spanish saying “la gato” when it should’ve been “el gato.”

While Google’s speech-to-text is still pretty damn accurate, it comes up with some funny bloopers at times. Yesterday I was telling Tom that I heard landscaping, someone sawing somewhere, and chainsawing as well. Sometimes I refer to landscaping as Laubsaugers, which is German for leaf blower, and it thinks those are either lob suckers or love suckers. It was hilarious when the thing said, “Today I got to hear one chainsaw, one circular saw, and a lot of suckers.”

It also decided that anxiety is society, so when I told Tom I doubted that what I was feeling was anxiety, it came out as “I doubt it’s society because you were home at the time.” Haha.

Here we go right now with the daily landscaping/Laubsauger gig. Every. Fucking. Day. :( I knew the park would blow off my email suggesting they limit it to once or twice a week, too. Some people/businesses are going to do what they’re going to do no matter what.

Later…

Tammy called yesterday and yack, yack, yack, yack, yack! What is it with people not letting me get a word in edgewise these days? Do they feel I’ll bore the shit out of them or something, LOL? It was great to chat with her, but still, it would be nice if some people could JUST LISTEN at times AND care enough to remember more of what I say than just their own experiences. shrugs She’ll remember enough, though.

It seems that everyone I’ve talked to by phone or in the park rambles on and on and cuts me off, except for Tom. Jesse was like that, too. I don’t understand why people do this to me, but because there are so damn many mouths in this world it must be a common thing and not just something people feel the need to do to me personally. There are, after all, a lot of selfish people out there.

I finally heard from Paula today. She sent a Christmas card. While that was very nice of her and it’s great to finally hear from her, I dread calling her because I know I’m going to get the same non-stop rambling with her, too. There is nothing more frustrating than finally getting a word in edgewise just to be cut off in the middle of a sentence. She’ll ask me something and I’ll say a sentence or two. Then she’ll ramble on and on about how what I just said relates to her and I can’t finish whatever it was I was saying about that particular subject in the first place. Drives me fucking crazy! It’s part of why I don’t socialize much offline; cuz I know the friendship would have to be all about them and not us.

The fact that I didn’t get to tell her shit about me by the time we finally hang up (not that she would care to remember most of it anyway), seems rather sad. It just seems all wrong when I realize to myself that if I want her to know what’s going on with me I’ll have to send her a letter even though we were just on the fucking phone for an hour.

Can anybody ever just shut up and listen? Sometimes I want to talk, too. Sometimes I have stories to tell about my own experiences, and guess what? They're just as interesting as yours!

Ah, it felt so good to get that off my chest! My husband and my blog seem to be the only places I can vent anyway, LOL.

I’m also wondering why the Michigan PBer just peeked in on me. She’s the one that dumped me, so why the interest all of a sudden?

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2014 Well, I can no longer say it rarely rains here. Today is supposed to be dry and so I don't expect it to be very peaceful. The landscapers have already been in front.

Still loving Google’s speech-to-text! I just hate it when I have to clear my throat or something because then it confuses it. I like to speak-write my journal and whatever dreams I can remember from the previous night while I am waking up with coffee. It's just that for some strange reason I wake up a little congested. I have no idea why since I do not smoke.

Although I have never been a fan of holidays and I personally find them to be more of a pain in the ass than anything else, I really like the seasonal flavored coffee creamers they have at this time of year. I'm trying the Snickerdoodle right now and it's pretty good. Not as good as Crème Brulee but it is still good.

I already got this journal entry out of order because once I pause the microphone in between thoughts, it causes the cursor to jump back to the very beginning. I will have to remember this in the future and also organize this entry before I post it online.

The person who always used to say that text messaging was a complete waste of time has already sent text messages to both Tom and Alison. I would still have that very same attitude if it weren’t for the fun speech-to-text.

Tom threw away my raspberry jelly last night. His airheaded wife did not refrigerate it after opening it like she was supposed to.

After my coffee is finished I need to jump in the shower and wash my rapidly shedding hair. I just hope that it doesn't thin to the point of bald spots. Right now it is still long, thick and curly.

I paused this entry to shower and eat. My day has been off to a rough start. I couldn’t eat in peace, thanks to the landscapers, and then I felt like something was stuck in my throat, which set off my anxiety. And then I had the runs a few times. I think I’ll survive, though.

My heart’s been a little racy the last few days, or more so it’s been beating hard than fast. Really hope it’s not connected to the medication.

Tom called the green waste people yesterday but it turns out that last week was recycle week, not green waste. Oops.

Last night I had a dream that one of my Prosebox buddies nursed me back to health when I had a really bad flu. I guess Tom was really busy or something and she felt the need to jump in and help, LOL.

I also dreamed that I was held somewhere against my will. I don't know what kind of a place it was, though. It seemed like money was needed to get me out so maybe there was some type of ransom demanded. Tammy told me that she was going away for a few days and one of the things she was going to be doing was gambling. My dream self knew that somehow her gambling and winning money would help get me out of there. I started to slip and tell her that somebody (Jessie?) already told me she was going gambling and made me promise not to tell anybody that they told me. Wherever this place was, they couldn’t have treated me too poorly because I was telling somebody, “People give me tea here.”

Aly had her upper teeth pulled yesterday. Says there’s been more bleeding than pain, and of course it feels really weird. It’s going to take time for her to get used to.

Andy is to be going to Florida in a few days and he told me that he would keep in touch with me on Ask just like he normally does. This is because he is taking his new Kindle with him, admitting that he can't go a day without going online. I am so sorry that he got that damn Kindle! They obviously aren't keeping him busy and entertained enough during his vacations. I like the occasional breaks from Ask because then it makes it more special when he returns.

Starting to wonder if any of the questions on my other Ask account came from Mary. As in Mary G turned Mary D. Someone from Fort Meyers entered my blog from there last night after I received some questions.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2014 Smartphones will spoil the hell out of you. I can't imagine ever not having one at this point in my life. I love how I can use Google speech to text and speak my journal entry into an email to myself and then later I copy it into the journal itself. I’m not typing this at all. Might have to make a few edits, though I do that anyway before I post things.

This speech-to-text program seems to be a lot more accurate than Dragon’s and other software I have used. As long as you don't talk too fast and you enunciate each word as clearly as possible it really is a wonderful thing to have. Very convenient. I still hate to talk on the phone live, but I can't imagine ever living without a smartphone ever again!

When I got up at six in the morning it was raining and it still is so I don't expect much noise today. Tom is going to call the green waste people because they did not pick up our green waste last week. He still wants to trim the bushes and back but the problem is that we need someplace to put the stuff.

I noticed since I got up that the lady across the street wasn't home. In fact, she wasn't home last night either. We saw a vehicle with blinking lights in front of her house and thought it was a cop car or an ambulance at first. But then we realized that it was some sort of service truck. I just hope nothing's wrong with her and she is simply going away for vacation. She is too quiet of a neighbor to lose. It would be my shit luck to have somebody move in there that was noisy. Someone who would leave their dog out in the carport to bark during the nicer weather. Someone who would do woodworking projects there as well. I wish all my neighbors could be single females because it's usually the men who are a problem as far as noise goes.

Facebook continues to be fucked up. A friend of mine has been unable to post anything on her account and now Andy got a three-day block on his own account as well. As soon as they pull something like this on me I'm definitely going to deactivate.

Dreams: A spider was slowly crawling down the wall of the bedroom. I grabbed a tissue and went to kill it but then I found that it was faster than hell. It continued on down the wall until it hit the floor and then it ran across the floor and disappeared.

Then I had a dream that we were living in what appeared to be a duplex. There was a Mexican couple living next door. I looked out our window and saw a bunch of cars, indicating that they were having a lot of company. A split second later I was next door with them. The woman was in her kitchen and the bedroom was right behind it and adjacent to our own bedroom. She said that her husband was asleep and they were trying to be quiet so they didn't wake him up. I had to wonder how the hell he could sleep through that many guests, quiet or not.

The last dream took place by what was either a river or a canal that was about 20 feet wide. Some woman walked up and approached the stairs that descended into the water on one side and I told her to be careful. “Okay,” she said.

Next thing I know she dives into the water and swims out into the middle of the canal. I thought to myself that the water had to be absolutely freezing. She then looks down into the water as if she's curious as to how deep it is and then submerges herself underwater. Soon I can barely see her head about 4 feet below the surface. It was at that point that I started to get really nervous.

Why is it that when I have dreams pertaining to sex it is usually me getting it on with myself and not somebody else getting it on with me? In another of last night's dreams, I was super horny and I went into the bathroom to put on this really sexy outfit, though I don't know why I would do such a thing. When I got back onto the bed thinking of some hot chick while I was at it, I came before I even got started.

Later…

I am still no closer to figuring out who is asking me questions on ask. My suspicions still lie with Kim or Molly. I do have a few other theories as well. There are so many people it could be for various reasons. The person asked me why I haven't updated my my-diary lately. This is the exact same question they have asked me before. So if it isn't Kim or Molly, it is at least somebody who is connected to that site or at least very aware of it. Could it be that Noone that loved to complain that I complained too much? I highly doubt that it is Molly's mother because she still should be in pretty bad shape.

Molly doesn't often mention her mother in her blog. It is mostly about her mixed emotions about Josh and the people at Marbridge making her life hell, supposedly. The only thing that goes against it being Kim is the correct spelling. The thing that goes against it being Molly is the lack of her appearing to visit my blog.

I also wonder if it could be someone else I know or have known. Andy, Tammy, Eileen, Mitch, Aly, someone in Arizona, etc. First guess is still Kim or Molly. If it is Kim, that would mean she’s not as scared of me as Aly says she thinks she is. I hinted at knowing where she lives (Kim), so if they suddenly stop asking me questions, I might suspect it was Kim and NOW she really is scared of me.

Aly says Molly messaged her on thoughts, but since she can’t delete her account there, she’s just ignoring it.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2014 It has been cold, dry, and at least somewhat noisy during the daytime. I have heard sawing for the last two days that is really distracting and annoying. Don’t think it’s coming from inside the park, though. This is the shit I thought I left behind in the woods of Auburn, but apparently not.

Although I know it won’t do me any good, I finally went to the park’s website and gave them a piece of my mind on the daily landscaping and the allowing of loud power tools for unnecessary work. They have sections designated for gardening, so why not for woodworking, too? And why don’t they restrict both the park and the homeowners to just 1 or 2 days a week with the landscaping? This is a retirement community. I should be peaceful! Yet in the morning, I will have to listen to the park do the same area they just did barely 24 hours ago, then in the afternoon I will hear so and so trimming bushes, and then in the evening so and so will be out to saw, hammer, mow or blow.

So last night I was packing our things in my dreams from some really big room on an upper floor. Andy came upstairs at one point and I told him to tell Tom I’d be done in 10 minutes. Yet the more I packed the more it still seemed I had tons of stuff to pack.

I then dashed throughout the room and said something like, “Thank goodness for being in shape.”

I also pulled a tiny corner shelf out of the wall and noticed that the lights kept turning off on their own.

Then my VH sister Becky appeared and suddenly it was daytime.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2014 Supposedly, Kim found me by accident on Prosebox, freaked out and is considering leaving there that’s how scared she is of me since I let her know what I would do if she continued not to leave me alone. This is what Alison told me anyway. Also according to Aly, she’s so scared of me that she doubts she reads my tweets or would be asking me questions on Ask, even anonymously.

I love it when stalkers play the victim. rolls eyes Anyway, I first thought it might be Molly, but the spelling is too correct, Molly’s only online every few days from what her Josh blog says, and she never peeked in my blog. I just find it odd that she would check me out on Ask and not my blog. Then again, I also find it odd that she hasn’t mentioned Aly in so long. Too preoccupied with Josh maybe? Molly also says in her blog that she’s only online every few days, so we’ll see if they ask things when she appears to have updated her blog.

The questions appear to be from someone who’s questioned me anonymously in the past, based on the wording, but they’ve been innocent questions like do I celebrate holidays and things like that. They do, however, seem afraid to identify themselves. They ignore me when I ask if I ever talked to them before on a blogging site.

I checked to see if gifts could be sent without an account, and they can. They just can only be sent anonymously that way, of course. Maybe this is the same person that sent me a birthday gift. Whoever it is definitely wants to keep their identity secret and I can only think of two reasons why. They’re either someone who knows I can’t stand them, or they might feel I’ll be more truthful in my answers if they don’t reveal who they are. Can’t say they’re fishing for personal info, because nothing personal has been asked of yet pertaining to my location or anything like that.

It could be anyone – Kim, Aly, my own sister, a VH sister, Eileen, Christine, Nane… anyone. Pretty sure they’re in the US based on their apostrophes, which look sort of backward in EU, though I can’t speak for other continents because I’ve had limited contact with people over there as opposed to EU.

Did a little test to see if they came to their own defense by impersonating them with additional questions I made sure appeared to be from them. Anonymously, of course. I had them say things like they would tell me who they were in time, but could I guess in the meantime? It will be interesting to see if they go along with it or not.

Maybe I’ll even do an Andy test to see if my suspicions are right about him liking to talk about something the less I want to hear about it. On Facebook, I can make a post only he can see when I start my diet, asking people to go easy on the food talk and see if he turns right around and mentions food two seconds later.

I definitely agree with a point Tom made earlier in that part of his memory issues is a personality thing. He’s selfish, as he himself admitted. Selfish people tend to only remember their own experiences.

Later…

The weekend is here! Tom’s still asleep, but later on we’ll be going to Walmart. I hope he’s up before it gets too crowded.

It also looks like the weather will be nice enough to get in a bike ride. It’s supposed to be dry all weekend. The rain is to return on Monday. Perfect timing! Our highs are only in the 50s these days and right now it’s a chilly 48°.

For dreams, I was sitting with Tammy somewhere and bitching to her about the lack of home jobs available for those unable to work outside of home.

Then I got a quick “glimpse” into the past and viewed a scene of my mother and her mother in a kitchen somewhere. My mother couldn’t have been a day over 16. My grandmother was still somewhat thin and had her hair pulled back in a ponytail. What is it with this bitch showing up in my dreams so much lately anyway?

Then I had a dream Aly was in. It was as if I didn’t know Tom. I don’t know where she and I were living at the time, but we were planning to get an apartment together. She was to take care of the expenses and I was to take care of everything else.

So we were at some club and the dance floor was packed. Some German guy that spoke no English kept badgering Aly for a dance but she wasn’t interested. She told me to tell him to back off and I did. The guy took off and Aly said something about how I seemed to know a lot of German. “Well, we know who to thank for that,” I said.

She then pulled me by the arm toward the dance floor and said, “Well, I’m glad you’re not friends with her right now. Let’s dance!”

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2014 Still raining out. Hasn’t rained like this in years! I’d rather be on the beach in Maui, but it sure is keeping things quiet around here.

Felt a touch jittery yesterday, but nothing serious. I’m fine now and I hope I stay that way. It’s been two weeks since my last chill pill, which might be a record for me.

I just wish I wasn’t so torn on things at times! Should we get a kitten or stick to rats? Should I cut my hair to my shoulders or let it keep growing? It’s almost to the middle of my back when pulled straight. Do I try Nutrisystem for a month or do I just stay the way I am since I’m only a little overweight?

Had a dream that I was in the house where I grew up that was next to my maternal grandparents. The only difference was that you could see into their backyard in the dream from the cellar window which didn’t exist in real life and wasn’t as huge as this one was. Nana was in her backyard leading an aerobics class or something. She saw me looking out the window at her and she mouthed the words, “Yes, you can do this too,” with body language that hinted at sarcasm. I was busy doing laundry, though.

Later…

Sometimes I still wonder about Andy. Is he really having memory issues, or just playing with me? His admission yesterday sort of confirmed that he likes to gross me out/annoy me when I commented on a pic of a hairy guy he posted being gross. His response was that he “loves showing me pics of hairy guys.”

And other things he knows I don’t like or care for? I’ve wondered this at times. I mean it’s just a coincidence (or is it) that he posts a pic of pizza after I mentioned on Facebook that my meds were making me hungry. How about when I mentioned, also on Facebook, signs of those preoccupied or even obsessed with food and then he turns around and mentions what he’s having for dinner? There was something else he recently did that made me wonder, and well, I’ve had these same suspicions all along.

The memory issues and the OMG stupidity are getting to me, too. How many times do I have to explain the same goddamn things to him? He last asked me if there were others I texted besides Tom. Just 5 hours earlier I told him I texted with Aly. I asked if he was reading my questions/answers in haste, and I get, “What do you mean, reading in haste?” I am so ready to beat my head into the wall where he’s concerned! Just what is it with him??? Early dementia? Just not paying attention? Not giving a shit? Playing games? This isn’t just an issue of forgetfulness, but an issue of stupidity as well. He just doesn’t get things you would think most people would get.

I don’t know what’s worse at times, whether it’s intentional or not, the way he at least appears to go out of his way to offend or gross me out, his memory issues, or his stupidity. If he truly is suffering from memory loss lately, that can make him appear dumber than he actually is. I’ve thought of suggesting that he ask his doctor about it, but I figure he’ll just get offended as if I were attacking him and then counterattack by throwing my sleep disorder in my face or something.

Although it’s conceivable that he could be playing with me with the memory thing, since I know that if he can play with me on other things he could with this too, but at this point I think his memory issues are very real. I just don’t know what’s causing it. My guess is all the years of being a pothead. It really does fry the brain.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2014 Dear Levothyroxine: Thanks for making me feel better. I am no longer dizzy. I am no longer moody or anxious for no apparent reason whatsoever. I don't go from hot to cold as much. I'm not skinny but I have a nice hourglass shape and can now eat what I want without gaining weight so long as I run or ride my bike a few miles a day. My voice is no longer hoarse at times and the burning sensation is gone too. Now will you PLEASE STOP KNOCKING THE HAIR OUT OF MY FREAKIN HEAD?!

The more I get back to my old self and think about Doc Sexy, the more pissed off I get. I know she told me my ingrown toenail might grow back, but had she done it right the first time around, we wouldn’t have wasted hundreds of dollars for nothing.

Secondly, and as Tom pointed out months ago, I didn’t need a shrink (which I did not see), I needed a dose of medication that wasn’t too high for me. Giving me a low dose of lorazepam at the time was fine and even the counselor referral was ok too, but a shrink that can give me medication just so I can take a dose of another medication that’s too high for me? That’s just ridiculous! To think that she and two other so-called pros told me to keep on taking 75mcg when it was making me feel like utter shit really pisses me off.

She was good for the biopsy I had done and she was good for the rash I had as well, so I can’t go so far as to say she was a bad doctor. She was great in many ways, but definitely wrong for me as a whole. Maybe if I’d had the problems I had years ago with asthma and allergies she would’ve been just fine, but with my current situation I definitely did right by giving her up and I definitely did right by dropping Dr. D and Sutter altogether.

I also withdrew the friend request I had sent her, but I honestly doubt she even got it, or the message I sent her, knowing how glitchy Facebook can be. The message I sent never came up as being seen. Why would she read it and then mark it as unread? Most likely because she didn’t get it or the friend request, but it doesn’t matter. Hottie or not, I don’t care to be friends with her at this point, though I do wish her the best of luck in life.

The wind is whipping and I forgot to write down my dreams as soon as I got up, so I wouldn’t forget them. Damn!

We’re supposed to get 5” of rain today! That’ll keep things quiet around here as it should be for being a retirement community. All I hear is the wind and wind chimes right now.

SMUD arrived at 8:30 yesterday morning, but didn’t turn off the power till around 9:15. They replaced the transformer diagonally from us that serves something like 9 houses. Didn’t realize our electricity ran underground, but it does. For someone who’s normally observant, it’s strange that I never realized till yesterday that there are no utility poles or power lines running from house to house.

After they lifted the transformer off the truck with a crane and put it in place, the power came back on about 20 minutes later. In the meantime, I texted Tom, Andy, Tammy and Aly. That Google speech-to-text thing can get addicting! It’s fun to use, though not always accurate.

Tom read an interesting article about rats. Unlike dogs and cats, which have been pets for thousands of years (well, dogs aren’t usually pets in the West), rats have only been pets for about 100 years. Rat catchers used to gather rats from people’s homes in the early 1900s, throw them in a pen with a dog, and then people would bet on how fast it would take the dog to kill all the rats. Disgusting and cruel!

I also learned that more of the rats have names besides the hooded ones. Cream-colored rats with a spec of brown on the nose like my Sugar ratty are Himalayan rats. Dark brown rats with white paws and bellies like Romeo was are Berkshire rats. If they have colored heads with stripes running down the back like Hoodie, they’re Hooded. If they only have colored heads, they’re Capped.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2014 After growing horribly weak and thin, especially over the last few days, Romeo finally died yesterday morning shortly after Tom left for work. I was surprised he hung on as long as he did, though I thought he’d make it another day or two. He now rests under the cypress trees.

I’m surprised Sugar outlived him after having a stroke last May, but he’s only a month or two younger, so I don’t expect him to make it to the spring.

Young Hoodie is getting to be a real attention whore, haha.

Still torn about getting a kitten. They’d be less work and I like the idea of having a pet that lives more than just 2-3 years. They don't catch on as fast as rats even though they can learn some things. One thing Tom recently read is that they have an inability to think things through and will do things like climb to high places without making sure they can get back down first. A rat, however, is intelligent enough to think before climbing, and they will. I also don't know where I'd move some of these breakables to, so we'll see.

Completed Dutch Basics 1, Basics 2, and Phrases, and now it’s on to Food and then Plurals.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2014 I rejoined Tumbler a couple of days ago and couldn’t think of a creative username at the time, so I grabbed one of their suggestions – ButteryHappyLand. Tom got a kick out of it. I’m backing up entries by the month there. Meaning that a whole month’s worth will go in one long post. The posts will be separated by giant HD photos for those with large screens to enjoy. I’ve got the late 80s and most of the 90s posted.

It just really annoys me when people follow me there or on sites like Twitter for all the wrong reasons. Meaning that they want me to buy something from them. They don’t have a genuine interest in my blogs/tweets.

Tom and I are going to ride the perimeters really early this morning. Really hope my little heart can handle the hills! It should be ok with the gear wheel. I’m so glad he likes working out with me because I’m definitely not ready to go out there alone.

Last night I dreamed I was lost in a huge building and asked a stout black lady for directions to get somewhere. She told me to take the elevator up a few floors and exit the back door. I guess the elevator had two doors and the place I was looking for was on a back floor.

In another dream, I was at the home of my maternal grandparents. For some reason, I was terrified of Pa and believed that Nana was, too. I ran down the hallway and into a bedroom where I called the police on my cell.

They asked me for the number of the house, but I couldn’t think of it. Finally, I just said, “Look for Berkeley Dr. I grew up there and my grandparents are in the house to the left.”

It seemed like I was on the phone with them forever and I finally said, “Why hasn’t anyone shown up yet?”

Just when I thought they’d hung up on me or the connection had dropped, the dispatcher said, “Some would say you’re the problem.”

“What?!” I said with confusion and frustration. Not knowing what they were implying or wanting to deal with people who obviously weren’t willing to help me, I ran out into the living room to see if Nana was ok. She appeared to be asleep on the couch while Pa sat in a chair nearby. Although his eyes were open and glued to the TV, I thought he was asleep.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2014 Although these rats have fooled me before and have defied death, I'd say Romeo's days are definitely numbered. He's anorexic, can barely move, and is old as hell in ratty years.

Andy thanked me for not dumping him after he visited (I don’t know why he thought I would do that at such a time).

After the guilt bit me on the ass after "frivolously" dumping people years ago simply because I needed to "clear my head" or "find my way" or because I "didn't need" a particular person in my life, I vowed to be a better, more devoted friend. I may get annoyed with some people at times just as they do with me, but from here on out, in order to qualify for a Jodi dumping, you must have the following traits:

The inability to accept me as I am without trying to control, change or judge me (though this doesn't mean you can't kindly tell me the color yellow looks shitty on me).

The ability to lie to me.

The willingness to use and abuse me at will to suit your own personal pleasures.

An obvious lack of compassion and empathy should I become ill, poor, pissed, mad, sad or fearful of something be it a pack of angry wolves or the paperclip in my desk drawer.

If you do not have any of these traits then you do not qualify for me to stick my finger down my throat and purge you out of my life.

So that’s basically it! I mean there are a few other things that could drive me away – making false accusations against me, becoming overly clingy/demanding, having major trust issues, which basically means you wouldn’t believe a damn thing I (or anyone else) said, or acting extremely moody/contradictory. It has always annoyed the hell out of me when people feel one way one minute, then another the next, on a constant basis, or when they can’t follow through with their word. Excessive repetitiveness gets to me at times too, when all people want to do is discuss the same damn few subjects all the time, most of which I know nothing about and probably don’t want to. It’s highly unlikely I’d let someone go for being repetitive, though. We all get hung up on certain things at times. Oh, and I could definitely do without stupidity and immaturity at times, too.

Dreams: I had a pet snake that crawled under a friend’s chair which I pulled out. The friend ran scared anyway. I also had a puppy or a small dog and was watching a reality show where a woman met some people she’d known in her abusive childhood, and was saying she had forgiven one woman who was particularly nasty to her in school.

In the last dream, I hadn’t seen Tom for 9 years, though I have no idea why. I asked him what his best and worst experiences were during those years. He said his best was a computer program he wrote, and his worst was a foot injury.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2014 The Internet has become just as annoying as it is fun and useful. Everywhere I go I see nothing but links and comments about race, race, race! Nothing but race! Everything’s about race these days. Funny too, since true racism – true honest-to-God racism – is relatively rare these days, and the vast majority of racism claims are either fabricated or twisted in some way to be a lot more than it actually is. But why oh why are people – both blacks and whites alike – so damn blind to see this??? Perhaps they just don’t want to. Nothing’s changed for me, though, and I make ZERO apologies for my feelings either. Act like thugs and I’m going to see you as thugs. Keep on being responsible for over 80% of the crime in this country and crying racism when you don’t get your way and I’m not going to have an ounce of respect for you.

Apparently, England doesn’t have the double standards America has with allowing blacks to shit on whites while crucifying whites for shitting on them (or who they imagine are shitting on them). I don’t know the details, but it has to do with something about a black athlete being charged with a racist Instagram message. It’s nice to see that it’s not ok for blacks to do what they accuse us of doing there, but damn has political correctness gotten way out of hand! Black or white, no one should be charged for something they say or write. What they do, maybe, but for words alone? If you threaten a minor, perhaps, but because you spoke your mind in a place no one was forced to listen/read?

I’ve joined in Andy's canning excursion only we’re not going to go out driving to collect cans. Instead, we’re going to stop throwing ours in our recycling bin. I was bitching to Tom the other day that I wasn’t making as much as I’d like lately on the Turk. The Turk fluctuates, and the more you do the less you qualify for since they don’t want the same people doing the same tasks. I told Tom months ago that while I appreciate his offer to buy me whatever I want, I like to work too (other than keeping house) and don’t mind working for Amazon goodies and other fun things that aren’t necessities. So while I won’t quit the Turk completely, I will now also be saving and bagging cans and bottles instead of throwing them in our recycling bin. We were doing that just because it was convenient to do so and didn’t need the extra money. But we have plenty of room in this place to store the extra bags, so why not? Most of the things I like lately are under $50, so why not have the cans and bottles pay for them?

I have felt sooo much better since going back on the meds. Never thought I’d say that, but as long as I’m not on a dosage too high for my body to handle, I definitely feel a lot less dizzy. Even my throat and anxiety are better and I’m not going from hot to cold as much. Funny how in the last couple of weeks I’ve felt the best I’ve felt in months after this very medication caused me a shitload of problems, and then even more problems after I stopped taking it. I haven’t even thought of chill pills lately. I still have plenty on hand as I’m not about to let myself suffer if I need them, but anxiety’s been the last thing on my mind lately and I hope it stays that way for a good long time! TFG what happened a few months ago didn’t happen while we were in Hawaii. What a disaster that would’ve been!

Got my new HP 10” Pavilion laptop/tablet and it’s going to take some serious getting used to. It’s got Windows 8, so the first thing we did was beef up the security as best we possibly could. I’m no longer used to Windows, and less safe or not, it’s going to take some learning since it’s changed so much when I was last using XP and Vista. Vista was horrible, but I did like XP despite the crashing and viruses. I just hope I don’t get any viruses! This thing isn’t going to replace my big Mac but just be something I use in addition or when I’m not home. If there are any issues with it, I’ll just spend the grand or so it’ll cost to buy myself some safety and get something similar in a Mac. We didn’t pay much for this thing. It was something like $230 and $144 of it was paid for with our Walmart savings. No one wants to believe it unless they’ve had Macs for as long as we have, but Macs really are that much safer. It has to do with the way they’re built and how easy it is for people to get at your stuff. If outsiders can get in and access things, so can the viruses.

Tom is coming up with better story ideas than I am lately. I have a rainbow-covered paper journal which I bought to take to Hawaii with me. Besides using it for the trip (and any future trips) I write quick one-page updates each month. The idea is to contribute to the little library the previous owners left here when we either move or die. That way if the next people want to, they can read about our lives here.

“Should I mention that Andy said he sensed Gene?” I asked Tom. That’s when he said it’d make for a good story if someone moved into a house to find a book all about these supposed hauntings. They don’t believe it at first until they experience it firsthand, and of course no one else believes them at first either.

The electric company is going to shut our electricity off for an hour Wednesday morning, which probably means 3 hours, and I thank fucking God I’ll be up at that time. I’d have been pissed as hell if I were to be sleeping. They’re probably going to replace a transformer or something.

Dreams: First one I remember dealt with an old neighbor of mine named Jimmy. He lived below me in the late 80s back in MA. I was visiting him or something and he had an arm in a cast after a severe shoulder injury. The apartment I lived in on the 4th floor above him was also Andy's condo in part of that dream.

A fleeting glimpse of a huge, old, ugly stainless steel microwave, and then Tom pulling me down next to him on a loveseat by a set of stairs while someone knocked on the door… and then a dream that took place here.

I was home alone and in the living room. The dining room window was further toward the right than it actually is. I saw two dark-haired guys in their 30s or 40s with white dress shirts and dark pants walk by. I knew they were heading for the back door. Not wanting to be bothered, I dropped to the floor thinking I could at least observe them without them seeing that someone was actually home.

Next thing I know they’re trying to pry the door open. The idea was to scramble to my feet and defend my home. I didn’t like that there were two of them, but doing absolutely nothing at all was no alternative. However, I couldn’t seem to push myself up off the floor. It was as if I suddenly weighed hundreds of pounds. When I finally did get up, I kicked the door shut just as it opened, but there was no one there. Thinking they’d slipped into the house somehow without me seeing them, I ran through the place in search of them, but I was alone.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2014 Been getting views from Davis, not too far from here. It’s a college town. One of the hits from there said it came from the office of the president. Being a college, it definitely can’t be anyone I know.

Looks like I tweeted about last night but didn’t blog about it. Well, we went to Denny’s and Walgreens. I was surprised at just how many people were out and about so late on a Thursday night. Dinner was delicious, though I’d have preferred not to eat it to the tune of 60-year-old Christmas songs blasting away. I was eventually glad for the racket since it did drown out those disgusting eating sounds Tom loves to make. Still, not everybody likes the same music and they shouldn’t force it on customers, even if no one’s forced to eat there.

My steak was a bit tough but good. With it, I had French fries, scrambled eggs and pancakes. Tom got a cheeseburger and fries.

At Walgreens, we both got some candy, and I got a set of 18 tiny bottles of nail polish, 5 of which are glitter topcoats, for just $10! I’d much rather have more small bottles in a variety of colors than fewer big bottles.

Still doing my Dutch lessons. It’s way more similar to German than it is to English, but not quite as difficult because you don’t have umlauts.

I moved the rats back into the bigger cage, but not the skinny-barred cage. I put them in the ferret cage. This way they can have more room and I don’t have to change it every few days.

Speaking of the rats, I had a dream one of them was in a suitcase I had taken somewhere. Not that I would pack my rats in a suitcase, of course, haha, but in the dream the airline lost the suitcase and I was frantically trying to get help with getting a hold of it because I believed the rat would be dead in a day or two.

In another dream, I was either staying or living somewhere where the weather was very summery. I stepped out of what I guess was a house and toward the road. To my right, the street ended a few houses down and I could see kids playing in that direction. To my left was a pool and straight ahead was the ocean. I seemed to be contemplating which one to take a dip in.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2014 Although it puts me at risk of being stalked (since you just never know how people are going to react when you go off on them) I let one of my Prosebox followers in Michigan have it for bitching about me in one of her posts when her frustrations should've been voiced directly to me. It's ok to bitch in your blog about people. We all do it here and there. That’s what a journal is for; to write about the people, places and experiences of our lives. But still… she could have and should have come to me as well instead of being so damn rude, childish and immature about a lousy privacy error before she either hid or removed the entry! Did I go to HER? You bet. I'm not afraid to confront the source, and that’s just what I did.

Meanwhile, I apologized to those who were put out by my accidentally flooding bookmarks, and who handled it like adults without acting like it was done deliberately or like I did something a helluva lot more annoying than just flood bookmarks.

I thought about blocking her, but I usually only resort to blocking when I’m being trolled or spammed. So since I have nothing to hide, blocking isn’t necessary and hopefully, it won’t be in the future either, but that’s up to them. I know that like me, they have no children and they don’t work outside of home, so they have enough time on their hands to become a nuisance if they really want to at which time I will deal with them accordingly. I don’t expect them to make trouble for me, thus for themselves as well, but that’s what I thought about a couple of others who did just that for years. So… we’ll see.

When I’m not accidentally uploading a bunch of drafts to a private book that I accidentally set as public, I usually make an average of 1-3 posts a day. If that’s too much for you, I told them, feel free to unfollow me. :) After all – and I mean no offense whatsoever to those I’ve met there who have been super kind to me – I didn’t go there to make friends. I use the site as a means of storing backups of my writings. Friends that come of it are just a byproduct of this action. :)

I haven’t heard from Nane, and don’t care if I do or I don’t hear from her. I hope she won’t take that the wrong way if she reads my blog, but I’ve become rather indifferent as far as she’s concerned. Whatever happens, happens. I still feel she is a wee bit too hypocritical and judgmental for my tastes and I respect myself enough not to put up with that sort of thing. It wasn’t the first time I’d had this problem with her. Once or twice I will point it out to a person, let them know I don’t appreciate being treated that way, and then if they still can’t accept me as I am, I cut ties with them and move on.

It’s ok not to like fish like I do, but must I be bashed and insulted for my own tastes? Also, making fun of someone for their fears or problems isn’t the way to help them deal with it. While we had a lot of good chats and she’s a very interesting and intelligent lady, she also showed me a side of her that can be very insensitive and lacking in compassion. There are 7 billion people in the world. No need for me to put up with those who have to judge and criticize half the things I say and do, nor is there any need to put up with others who don’t meet our expectations when we can just move on without bothering to try to change them. Like trying to get a mystery lover into romance novels when there are enough mystery lovers in the world!

So… yes, I will talk to her if she can contact me while letting me be who I am, and yes, I will be ok with it should she choose never to contact me again.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2014 Slept late for my 49th birthday today and am glad I did. That way we can go to Denny’s for steak and eggs late enough for the brats to be tucked in for the night, but a little too early for the drunks.

I finished my Dreams book and will have a lot of editing to catch up on throughout the night, plus I try to take a Dutch lesson each day.

Tom and I worked out together. I’m so glad he found a form of exercise he really enjoys, but damn do I miss riding the bike around the park! It’s been too cold, too wet, or just not a good time for that lately, and of course I can’t work out alone for fear of any heart explosions. It will be a while before I feel comfortable doing that, depending on how long I can go without it beating really fast and hard.

I was surprised, delighted, and frustrated over the fact that someone on my first Ask account bought me a little birthday gift. :) The frustrating part was that they chose to do it anonymously, so I am not only racking my brains trying to guess who it could be, but I am unable to thank them. I would guess, however, that if they cared enough to buy me the gift, then they must know me well enough that they might read this. If they do… thanks whoever you are!

Later…

Spent most of my birthday sleeping, relaxing, reading, writing, eating and working out. Life is good, even though I'd skip to age 50 if I could. The number 4 is a very unlucky number, and I certainly wouldn't want to get any younger with a husband 8.5 years older.

Andy had me cracking up the other day. Right before he left I asked him for a piece of gum. He said he hated to say no to me, but was low and the gum was like his cigarettes. I told him no problem. Yesterday, though, he said he regretted saying no after all we’d spent on him. We didn’t spend that much, but I get where he’s coming from, even though I really shouldn’t be having gum with my sensitive teeth anyway. Where it really got funny was when he said, “On the train, I wouldn’t let myself have that piece as punishment since Gloria’s pool wasn’t available.”

Back in my 20s when I was into celebrities like most young people tend to be, I had a huge crush on Gloria Estefan. In cold, snowy, boring, old, ugly Springfield, Massachusetts where I lived at the time, I would often imagine to him what it would be like to visit her lush mansion in sunny, warm Florida. Andy would joke about me being her servant and how she could make me swim laps in her glorious pool to punish me whenever I’d step out of line, haha. So that’s where Gloria’s pool came from. :)

In last night’s dreams, I was at a restaurant with a few people. I don’t know who they were, but we were getting pissed that the waiter left our tray of food just sitting on the counter. I got up to let him have it just as he finally brought the tray to our table. Then a baby started screaming nearby and the mother smacked it. Literally. Only each time she smacked it, it would start screaming in a different language.

Then I had a dream I saw Teri, a Facebook friend, only Teri wasn’t Teri in the dream. She had some weird name instead, but I don’t remember what it was.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2014 I’m so wowed by all this rain! I slept most of the day and had I gotten up to find Romeo gone after the dream I had, I just might wonder if there really could be an afterlife after all.

Tom’s looking forward to once again having 4 days off. Not sure how much fun we can have together, though, LOL. We’re kind of on opposite schedules right now, but he can adapt a lot easier than I can, so we’ll see.

His BP medication makes him cough, even though it’s a low dose. I told him that if they raised the dose he’d sound like a smoker and he said that if he keeps working out consistently he shouldn’t need them much longer. That’d be great. I’m all for choosing the natural way over drugs anytime that’s possible. If giving up eggs meant never needing statins again, so be it, but my cholesterol isn’t high because of what I eat. It’s high because of hypothyroidism. No wonder my old doc didn’t take the time to stress low-cholesterol menus with me until I came to learn and understand more about this shit.

Romeo can be affectionate, but for the most part, he’s not nearly as friendly and as into cuddling as Sugar is. In the dream, though, I opened the cage door and sat down on the floor a few feet in front of it with a piece of bread in my hand. One of the rats climbed up to the top of the cage, but Romeo hobbled out and headed toward me. Instead of taking the food, all he wanted to do was cuddle. It was like he was saying goodbye or something, but he was still alive even though he was withering away to nothing really fast.

Yesterday I dreamed they were collecting the trash. Only instead of the big garbage truck, the park was collecting it on these little trailers. Realizing I was late to put ours out, I started running up the hill with this big old garbage bin in tow. Someone on a trailer saw me and drove down to fetch both the trash and me. The male driver turned into a female driver who kept telling me that in order to climb up onto the trailer bed I had to first step up onto a white sneaker that was lying on its side.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2014 Another rainy, quiet day, though I saw a service truck of some kind parked in front of next door and thought I heard scattered hammering earlier.

Gonna work out with Tom when he gets in. He does the Wii and I do the treadmill. Indoor working out is so boring compared to outdoor working out, but this isn’t the ideal weather for going outside.

Been less dizzy the last couple of days and I’m so glad about that! Those dizzy spells were really getting old. Hopefully, the meds will keep on helping without the anxiety and upset stomach.

Tonight I’ll be reorganizing my “Dreams” book. I want to organize them by dates. Thought of rejoining Tumblr for the hell of it, but I don’t know if I will or not.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2014 The test results are in and my cholesterol is off the charts at “cardiac risk,” and my TSH is 32.24. This means (for any newcomers tuning in) that my thyroid is severely underactive. It’s not totally dead but it’s close enough. No wonder I’ve been back to gaining half a pound a day despite working out and watching what I eat. Still not watching how much I eat, though, and that’s super important as I said in my last entry. That will have to be part of my New Year’s resolution, I guess.

These numbers are pretty much where I was when I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I just worry and wonder how they’re going to get me normal without it damn near killing me like last time. Levothyroxine and anxiety/tachycardia don’t seem to mix well. My resting pulse is naturally high when off medication, so to be given a medication that speeds that up is kinda scary. It’s a little racy right now, but that’s mostly because I’m alone and because of the results. Not a good time to work out!

I had thought eating foods low in cholesterol would help, but as one of my PB buddies pointed out, the cholesterol that rises when you have hypothyroidism is what your body produces and not dietary. It’s mostly my triglycerides that are high.

They called Tom’s phone and he explained to them that I only started the meds on the 27th when he could be home with me a little more, and so I will have to return to the vampire after January 15th. Then he was given a number to give to me for an endocrinologist. I requested Dr. O, as was recommended to me, and will see her on January 19th.

I'm just glad they didn't hit me with some new disease showing up in my blood like diabetes or something. I know skinny people can get that, but I think that's mostly an obese thing and I'm not only just a little overweight (per ex-sexy doc's words), I'm also pretty active. Well, when my heart will let me be without making me feel like it's going to jump outa my chest.

Because I only just started the 25 mcg on the 27th, I have to go in for more blood work after Jan. 15th. Since the 50's dropped me to 12, I'm guessing the 25's will drop me to 22-23.

I figured I was due for some noise from next door. Was it the saw? Nope. The hammer? Nope. It was just their latest home improvement project; new windows. Tree-cutting, new ovens, carpet cleaning, new windows… what’s next? I’m just glad I slept in today cuz the window upgrading probably began fairly early.

In the first of this month’s dreams, I was living or working at someplace with several other people. One person had on this really nice perfume and I said something like, “Someone smells sexy today.”

Some people, including myself, were going to the store and someone asked those who weren’t going if they needed anything. A woman who might’ve been Nancy from Phoenix said she wanted to get some kind of sleeping pill that had a long and funny name. When I was at the store I was looking for it to try for myself, but all I could find were rows and rows of candy bars with some bananas sort of hidden behind them.

[phinjeet]

* endlessly amuzed by the fact that in unfair science fair izabella walked by baljeetz house and heard them screaming AIIEEEE I AM DOOMED TO BE AN INCOMPETENT FLUNKY FOREVER (ever , ever , ever …. she added the echo part) n she waz worried enough 2 go get phineas and ferb but Not worried enough 2 just like . go in there and check on them herself ? she heard them screaming n went “fuck this im getting phineas and ferb” . SO funny of her

* ig if i were 2 overthink this id sayy ….. maybe at this point in the summer she doeznt actually know or like baljeet all that well , throw in the weird forced pretend-crush they hav on her which she seemz 2 b aware of n maybe it makez her uncomfortable , but like baljeet iznt a bad kid or anything theyre just kinda weird n awkward n a bit annoying n boring but she doeznt Hate them . but at that point she also iznt so close 2 them that she feelz comfortable barging in2 their house n talking 2 them 1 on 1 , her n baljeet only really hang out bc theyre both friendz of phineas . theyre like a friend of a friend 2 each other but izabella still Carez that theyre in distress n optz 2 get pnf instead cuz she trustz theyll know what 2 do better than her . or smth . i loveee 2 ponder baljeet and izabellaz dynamic

* itz only a little bit later down the line they grow 2 respect each other more n maybe she becomez comfortable enough 2 jab at them n exchange sassy remarkz . in 1 of many universez their shared crush on phineas at first sparkz a rivalry that developz in2 a frenemyship where theyre like “it doesnt matter who phineas chooses or if she even chooses any1 at all , we wont let this tear us apart in fact we will unite in our love 4 that fucking weirdo . also if u look at me funny im shoving ur face in a toilet” , but like yk they care 4 each other theyre friendz . they decide “why r we pitting 2 bad bitches (us) against each other”

* in ANOTHER universe tho (there r many universez 2 me) baljeet actually knowz izabella first and meetz phin n gang through HER , they yk hav that pretend-crush on her (this iz accepted canon in my house) n they try 2 hang around near her az much az they can so they end up in pnfz backyard often , n they quickly realize izabella haz a crush on phin n theyre like grrrr staring at phineas n trying 2 explode her w my mind . n phin iz like hmmm that guy keeps staring at me are they shy … hey buddy wanna help us w this construction project ? itll be fun ! whats ur name :) n jeet iz like 2 polite 2 say i want 2 kill u n itz not actually like they want 2 , they feel obligated 2 hate her cuz shez Mr Steal Yo Girl n thatz just how theze thingz go right . jeet doeznt know better but 1 day they find themself thinking of smth phin doez az cute instead of irritating n they fucking skid 2 a halt like WAIT . WAIT FUCK WAIT OH GOD WAIT WAIT and like this doeznt hav much 2 do with where this train of thought started but yk . thatz phineas brain 4 u

* anyway thankz 4 coming 2 my ted talk

[icyfox17]

Actually, more voice lore, because you’ve triggered a rant.

So we have 5 coaches right, with the comeback stage coach. The lore is that we have 2 og coaches who have been there since the start. The lead singer (male) of one of the most popular Dutch sing in bands ever and the get second place in idol like 20 years ago and has a power voice (female) coach. Nothing is wrong with either of them in actually, but they are more famous, especially in the Voice as experienced coaches, and therefore they not only have a reputation, they have an advantage.

Because the female coach just won back to back seasons. And the male coach is the only person who has ever had people in his team go on to have a big career afterwards (because this man has connections). As in, the Comeback Stage coach, is an ex-candidate of his, who got second place like probably 10 years ago at this point. She was 17 and he got her a deal with his label and she got to do Eurovision and now she got the position as 5th coach behind the scenes. (And honestly, good on her because she had to work to keep that career, people can’t just give you a career if you have no talent.)

Anyway, he also had 2 finalist like 4-5 years ago (has it really been that long? Damn you covid) who also had a career. As in 1 of them started his musical career, but put it on the back burner during covid, might make a comeback after he gets his degree (because again, 17 years old) and the other is now an actor in one of our biggest soap opera’s. Again, nothing on them. It’s just now an unfortunate result, that anyone who wants to get a career out of the Voice, automatically chooses this coach. And generally that means these two titans are trading wins back and forth.

And now we have new coaches who stayed for their second year, after 2 coaches who only did 1 year then dipped. And 1 of them is like the most popular Dutch band currently, so he’s find with getting picked by people. The other coach, however, is the lead singer of a rock band (I think that’s the genre) and he only gets a specific type of singers (which is actually good, cuz it means a new group of people wants to take part in the voice and other coaches can profit too), but generally puts at a disadvantage. And it’s a nice man, so the fact the he has now been cheated out of 3 really good singers upsets me. Especially, when every single year the same coaches get all the good people. Tbf, I always get kinda done with the Live Shows because then it becomes a popularity contest which heavily reflects on which them you are in and it’s way less about the singing (also they can no longer auto tune the shit out of everything).

Anyway, as compensation for my rant, you now also get fun facts. When actually have 2 Voices because television production is split based one language (and boy how I wish we had at least once shared tv house, but that’s a rant for another day). So when have the Voice of Flanders, which is the one I watch, cuz my native langue is Dutch. And then there’s the Voice Belgique, which is the French version.

Also, since the Voice was invented in the Netherlands, I think we might just be ahead on rules and concepts? Like they start here and then spread? Though maybe the Cross Battles are stole from somewhere else? Also, we don’t have a skip feature, they have to do everything. I think that one comes from America’s Got Talent.

-🌲

IT WAS INVENTED IN THE NETHERLANDS THATS SO COOL!!!! I didn't know that omg :0

Ooohh yeah it is true, lives are def popularity over actual talent which is annoying 😭😭😭 but hey ig that's part of being a "star" u gotta be good w ppl to get connections n stuff

But oh man yeah that sounds frustrating:(

That's crazy interesting tho omg :0

[smol-grey-tea]

Top 5 games, that's a good question 🤔ᴴᴹ.. Lemme list some games first so ik what to choose from

Dandelion, Nameless, Mystic Messenger, Ssum, Doki Doki Literature Club, Five Nights at Freddy's, Danganronpa, Undertale and Deltarune, Stanley Parable, Beginner's Guide, Presentable Liberty, Zelda, Minecraft, The Walking Dead Game, Life is Strange, Until Dawn, Fran Bow, Cinderella Phenomenon, ummmmm, Detroit Become Human, Beyond Two Souls, Little Misfortune, Papa's Pizzeria, Sonic Heroes, My Sims, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Mario Kart

Ok I can't rly think of any more games so I'll just rank these..

1. Nameless. Duh. ʕ͡°ʖ̯͡°ʔ

Is anyone surprised? (◉0◉)ᵎᵎᵎ It's my favourite game of all time, I identify w the whole game so much, such an emotional and gripping story, I love theorising, I love the art, I love the voice acting. I love the pure amount of passion you can tell was put into the game

It's been my favourite game for the past 7 years - it was actually my 7 year anniversary of first buying the game yesterday!! I so wish I could have official merch.. Gotta go to Korea myself one day 😊😊😊

2. Zelda

I'm being purposely vague since I kinda don't have a favourite specific Legend of Zelda game? All the Zelda games I've played before include (in order): Breath of the Wild, Link's Awakening, Age of Calamity, Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Skyward Sword and now finally Tears of the Kingdom. The only games of the mentioned that I've actually completed tho are just BotW, AoC and TotK so I can't rly have too much of an opinion on the other games..

Zelda games are kinda known for their puzzles but my favourite parts about games (or really...anything) would be the story/lore and the vibe/atmosphere. I love the whole setting of the Zelda games, such a gorgeous and beautiful art style as well w the newer games, n fun adventure too!! Hell, maybe I'll even get Zelda tattoos too? Idk. I just fuckin love it tho

3. Danganronpa

I'm sorry, I like it!! I think it kinda has a bad reputation cuz of the fandom but imo the games themselves are fine (could be much worse..) and I rly love solving the mysteries!!! They are actually difficult puzzles!!! I love it!!

And the characters are so good too :) Especially w the 2nd game - the 2nd game is very good at creating characters who you can really root for or really hate and I think that's so cool. I wonder if I can be able to do that too with my own writing

4. Undertale

Bruh it's the nostalgia 😫 also it's a rly good game. I almost prefer Deltarune idk but good puzzles good characters good story and theorising material and good difficulty and-

Undertale good. I can't wait to see where Toby Fox takes his games in the future!!

5. Wii Plaza

I joke!! Haha!!

5. Ummmm idk, Five Nights at Freddy's??

It's not even rly about the game itself tho is it. It's what you associate w it. Ppl who went to see FNaF at the cinema didn't go to see a good movie, they went to see a love letter to their childhood

I remember being 11 yrs old and first finding out about FNaF by hearing my sister screaming from downstairs. I remember talking about it to my friends at school, doing impressions of the animatronics. I remember ppl talking about Markiplier and feeling guilty for watching his videos because at that age my parents weren't yet comfortable with me hearing swearing, but I still watched him anyway and I'm actually rewatching his Five Nights at Freddy's play through right now. Isn't that so cool?

I loved seeing the film at the cinema and holding my sister's hand everytime a jump scare startled her

The games are very good themselves too, even tho the guy who made them supported Trump and he also probably should've finished the series at Ultimate Custom Night and now the games are steadily losing quality and also logic but who actually cares about that in the end? Does it matter? Does it matter if the games themselves are actually good or not? I love them not just despite that but almost because of that

My hands are dry

I also rly highly recommend the other games I listed at the start too!! All of them are good, a majority from my childhood/early teens, all w fond memories attached. I find that my favourite types of games are choice based games/games w more than 1 ending (like Undertale, Walking Dead Game, Until Dawn) or visual novels (like Doki Doki, Nameless, Danganronpa). Adventure kinda games tho I think are super cool too :) 😊😊😊

(*ˊᗜˋ*)ᵗᑋᵃᐢᵏ ᵞᵒᵘ so much for asking!!!!! 😁😁😁 I hope you enjoy my long responses 😊 when I think about it, I guess ppl don't usually have long responses to these kinda asks, they usually have short ones. I do love a good ramble ٩(๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)۶ᴳᴳ (๑`✪̤◡✪̤)◞ღԵհɑղƘՏღ

[apricotluvr]

.

[lilysdaydreams]

Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→  I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two  →    

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[alukaforyou]

im like 2? 3? weeks into practicing tattooing on fake skin and dam.... i have v mild eczema on the top of my hands its just a little dry & shiny(?) usually, but after hrs of wearing latex gloves it gets p sweaty in there & also the supply shop was out of size s so i just bought xs for now and they are a bit snug so idk what it is but the whole situation is irritating my hands 😂 its like... super red & scary looking ouch it stings 😂😂😂 i dont think im allergic to latex cuz its just irritating the eczema part which i already had before so hmmmm fck me ig 😂🤪😭 also i have a ton of beef w """fake skin silicone pad ass b*tch""" cuz its firmer / denser (?) than real skin, i've seen my bf work and you dont need to push in the needle deep at all, ur almost just scratching the surface of the skin and the ink goes in rly well, but when i use the appropriate pressure on the silicone, it doesnt take the ink well & the line just looks extra shaky and shitty, i have to go over it like 3-4 times 🙄 for it to look "solid" which is so annoying and also every time i have to retrace it, it just looks kind of messy and weird like it would look so much better and clean if it worked in one pass but then i'd have to push the needle in wayyy too much which leads to blowout on the silicone so im like really what da fack :) im practicing but i feel like it's just so different than how working on real skin would be like but i cant practice on real skin wtf? im not gonna start tattooing my friends / clients until im good but like.... i cant even tell if im getting good cuz working on fake skin is so frustrating and weird it all looks like shit to me :( and i cant practice on myself cuz if my parents see tats theyre gonna disown me which is not smth i wanna deal w until im working & financially stable :( here r some pics tho

the shitty ones r the earlier ones lol and nvm the pink on two of my kitties we were just testing how the pad takes color. and just when i was getting a hang on my own designs, i tried doing text (my bf's design for a client that day) it looked soooo ass i was abt to jump out of da window lmfao im still practicing the "choose growth" one, pls dont look @ the top flower part that was supposed to be done w shading not lining but im not learning shading yet & also my lines dont even look that good anyways so its just all around horrible for now LMFAO

"choose growth" girl, no human on earth is choosing to regress, i guarantee u that. the diego brando one was text from that one kyary pamyu pamyu parody drawing i made, and the greek text is from... tg LMFAO if u kno, u kno. somehow my linework looks like dogsh*t but the greek serif text came out p okay, idk maybe its the line weight or smth. i just cant do fine lines ig idk or maybe its just the pad :( i s2g i need to calm down im not even a month into learning ofc i cant be good LOL my drawing hand is straight up losing circulation in that tight glove + deathgrip on the heavy ass tat machine, and my other hand is stinging from the irritation, cool cool 😎 idec abt that tho i just wanna make progress already. 2022 is the yr of the tiger aka MY YR!! 2022 will Be Different :) if im still in this same shitty place by the end of 2022 im seriously gonna give up so 2022 is do or die for me, im rly gonna try hard! i cant do another yr like 2020 & 2021 again i just cant anymore guys. sry for the long post. hope u r all well.

[hauntedbythefanficsofmypast]

The Different Group Chats part 1

{Part 1} [Part 2]

Diamonds:

BlueDiamond- Marinette 

BrownDiamond- Mireille

GreenDiamond- Marc 

Cheng Main Family:

MamaOrso- Sabine

TopChef- Wang

Matriarch- Nuba (Their Grandmother)

Heiress- Lian (Marc’s mother)

Tiāncái- Mei (Mireille’s mother)

Adrinette/Girls GC:

PinkBean- Rose

PurpleBean- Juleka

BossFox-Alya 

TrueBeauty-Lila

WhyAmIHere- Alix 

LoveBug- Mylene

A group chat AU I thought of this will involve only the Miraculous Ladybug show, with very minor mentions of other shows. Some backstory information I feel are important. Marinette, Marc, and Mireille are cousins in this through their mothers; Sabine, Lian, and Mei. Marinette is Chinese, Italian, and French, Marc is Chinese and French, and Mireille is Chinese, Japanese, and French. This is not Adrinette, I decided to give Lukanette some love!

                                                   Diamonds

                                                    10:46 am

BlueDiamond: Do you think I could get away with it?

GreenDiamond:????

GreenDiamond: Mar? Get away with what?

BrownDiamond: Depends. Are you doing it by yourself, with us, or are you going to call Bāchan’s right hand?

GreenDiamond: Mir? Wait why would Mar call Fengge? 

                                                  11:07 am

GreenDiamond: Hey! You two respond already!

BrownDiamond: Calm cousin, calm. Mar is contemplating taking care of Lila Rossi, you know the girl that threatened her in the bathroom.

GreenDiamond: Oh.

GreenDiamond: WAIT!!!1!

GreenDiamond: No fair! She can’t call Fengge I called dibs on ruining Rossi!

BrownDiamond: Mar gets the final decision, after all she is the one being targeted.

BlueDiamond: I am not calling Fengge, I don’t want her dead, I just want to ruin her future. Besides Fengge would call Nonna, and I’d rather not take the chance of us being pulled out of school.

BrownDiamond: Very true, but I doubt Bāchan would pull us out. Lila is only a minor threat and she knows we can definitely handle her. If the snake goes too far however, she will step in.

GreenDiamond: Tru…

BrownDiamond: Stop butchering words or else.

GreenDiamond: Common little cuz be traught.

*BrownDiamond took a Screenshot of chat*

BrownDiamond: I am showing my Kachann.

BlueDiamond: She did warn you.

GreenDiamond: D’: NooOo dont message auntie!!!1!!

BrownDiamond: Already sent.

GreenDiamond: You hate me.

                                                  Cheng Main Family

                                                            11:38 am

Tiàncái: First, return to your lessons. Second, Marc the penthouse at 4 exact. After reading those texts I’ve decided you need a two hour lesson.

BrownDiamond: Yes Kachann.

BlueDiamond: Sorry Auntie.

GreenDiamond:Understood Auntie.

TopChef: How bad was it?

Tiàncái: Worse than you fake butchering other languages to mess with others.

MamaOrso- My Marinette was not a part of it correct?

Tiàncái- No just our nephew sister.

Heiress- Why am I not surprised, at least he is only doing it with his cousins.

Matriarch- My Diamonds know that they are not allowed to butcher languages like their Great Uncle in front of others. I would not worry too much, my darlings. Now all of you return to work. I have a meeting to attend.

MamaOrso- Yes Māmā

Tiàncái- Understood, have a good meeting.

Heiress- I will see you later Māmā.

TopChef-Talk to you all later my girls.

                                                  Diamonds

                                                     1:13 pm

BlueDiamond: Juleka and Rose are sitting with me in the back now.

BrownDiamond: Oh?

BlueDiamond: Yes they came up and apologized to me during lunch. They both asked for a chance to earn my trust again.

GreenDiamond: And your decision Mar?

BlueDiamond: I am giving them a second chance, both apologized and explained why they didn’t choose sides. No information about Lila too, she is making big promises. For instance she told Kitty Section she’d introduce them to Jagged Stone.

BrownDiamond:...Isn’t Juleka Jagged’s daughter?

BlueDiamond: Yes.

BrownDiamond: Oh no.

BlueDiamond: What?

GreenDiamond: This is Miss Mendeleiev both of you return to your lessons and put your phones away.

                                                  1:28 pm

BrownDiamond: Nice job Marc, next time control your laughter.

BlueDiamond: Really?

                                                  2:49 pm

BlueDiamond: Mir go out for ice cream? We can go find André.

BrownDiamond: Well I don’t have to be in the studio today and was only planning to hang out with friends. Can we invite some others?

BlueDiamond: Oh definitely! I’ll ask Rose, Juleka, and Luka!

BrownDiamond: I am just going to invite Aurore and Jean.

BlueDiamond: Hoping to get complimentary cones cousin dearest?

BrownDiamond: Shut up I just like his face.

BlueDiamond: Don’t you lie to me. You have attended every single magical show he has done, and even promoted him once on MAC’s Twitter.

BrownDiamond: Shut up, your one to talk Mar. Who do you have a crush on, Model boy or Guitar boy?

                                                  3:10 pm

BrownDiamond: Mar?

BrownDiamond: Did I upset you?

BrownDiamond: Marinette?

BlueDiamond: Sorry

BlueDiamond: No you did not upset me. Lila pointed out I was texting and Bustier started lecturing me on being a good role model.

BrownDiamond: Sorry, my locker in five?

BlueDiamond: Mhm, see you soon.

GreenDiamond: I got my phone back!

GreenDiamond: Unfair! You guys can’t get ice cream while I’m stuck in lessons!

BlueDiamond: [Image.png]

GreenDiamond: Why’d you send me a picture of you and Mir looking around???

BrownDiamond: Trying to find the fucks we give…

GreenDiamond: ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

BlueDiamond: Ew. Stop.

GreenDiamond:༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

BlueDiamond: Ugh.

Private Messaging

Nathaniel and Marc

                                                  3:11 pm

LifePartner: Marc can we talk today? It’s about Marinette.

Rainbow: …

Rainbow: I have a two hour lesson starting at four. Meet me on the Pont Des Arts at 6:30.

LifePartner: I’ll be there Rainbow, see you later.

                                            Diamonds

                                               4:20 pm

BrownDiamond: Not.A.Word.

BlueDiamond: Burnt caramel for his eyes, and cotton candy for his unique tricks~ Blackberry for her beautiful hair, and black walnut for her unusual connections.

BrownDiamond: One, perhaps we should be concerned with what André seems to know about us.

BrownDiamond: Two, Blue moon for his hair and eyes, and super madness for his crazy life, Blackberry for her hair and cherry with chips for her secret.

BlueDiamond: Mmm André is a meta I wouldn’t worry his love is ice cream and bringing soulmates together.

BlueDiamond: Luka has confessed to me though, I told him I wasn’t ready.

BrownDiamond: Still stuck on Adrien?

BlueDiamond: No

BlueDiamond: I thought he’d take my side when he said that we were in it together. The moment he didn’t speak up when I was expelled pretty much made that crush, crash.

BlueDiamond: He is sweet but he has been too sheltered, he is trying to treat Lila like she is a tabloid.

BrownDiamond: You are not wrong. So...Luka?

BlueDiamond: Yea, I’m thinking Luka.

                                           Private Messaging

                                           Jagged and Luka

                                                    4:24 pm

Luka: Dad how did you get Penny to fall in love with you?

Jagged: I ask myself that every single day kiddo. Every single day.

Luka: I’m screwed.

Jagged: Marinette?

Luka: Marinette.

Jagged: Penny says to just be yourself! My rockstar Mari is a smart girl and her crush on the Agreste boy has slowly disappeared...yes it would be very rock an roll to have her as a daughter-in-law. That’s it Luka! You have to win Marinette’s heart over!

Luka: You’re not helping Dad.

                                      Private Messaging 

                                       Penny and Luka

                                               4:47 pm

Penny: Stop asking him Luka.

Penny: Just be yourself, Marinette would never want you to change yourself. Give her a little more time and just be there for her.

Luka: Thanks Penny, how did Dad win you over anyway?

Penny: ...I have a thing for loud sometimes idiotic men.

Luka: Awe, I am never telling him that.

Penny: I’m joking, I’m joking one night he rolled over and was just barely awake. He didn’t know I was awake, he whispered that I was the love of his life and that he wished his mom had a chance to meet me.

Luka: Awe. I’m telling Marinette that.

Penny: Oh, definitely would get you brownie points, she loves sweet love stories.

                                                    Adrinette

                                                     6:39 pm

Group name changed from Adrinette to Girls GC

Lila Rossi added by BossFox

BossFox changed Lila Rossi to TrueBeauty

BossFox: Hey girls I decided to make this the drama free girls group chat.

PurpleBean: Drama free???

PinkBean: Why not create a new group chat than Alya? Also if this is the girls group chat where is Marinette?

BunnxXx changed name to WhyAmIHere

BossFox: Like I said drama free girls

TrueBeauty: Awe Alya! You added me to a group chat where I don’t have to worry about upsetting Marinette!

TrueBeauty: That’s so sweet!!

WhyAmIHere: Alya this is our get Mari with Sunshine boy gc.

TrueBeauty: Alya you haven’t told them yet?

BossFox: Don’t worry Lila I just wanted you to be here when I did!

BossFox: Girls we are canceling Adrinette.

LoveBug: What? Why?

BossFox: I was telling Lila about all our attempts and how ‘in love’ with Adrien Marinette is. Well Lila pointed out that everything she is doing are red flags for a stalker!

LoveBug: What?! But Marinette would never!

PinkBean: Are you serious?

WhyAmIHere: Oh boy.

TureBeauty: No listen please, I’m not lying!

TrueBeauty: Alya told me everything she has done! She has his entire schedule, pictures of him all over her wall, one he doesn’t even know exist! She has stolen his phone before and is constantly trying to get alone time with him! Not to mention she has planned out their life with two kids and a hamster!

TureBeauty: She is stalking Adrien and convinced you guys to help her!

LoveBug: Oh my gosh 

LoveBug: I can’t believe 

LoveBuv: All this time Marinette has been

WhyAmIHere: Alright ya-no I’m so done.

WhyAmIHere: First of Marinette HAD a crush on Adrien. One that you blew out of proportion Alya.

BossFox: What?!

BossFox: I did not!

WhyAmIHere: You were constantly trying to force her into telling Adrien when she clearly wasn’t ready, and always dragging us into helping set up ‘dates’

WhyAmIHere: Two Marinette is a fashion designer. Have you seriously never noticed all the pictures are right above when she works on designs? They are a part of her fashion board Alya.

WhyAmIHere: Also the part with the phone, I’m hello? Marinette has always been like that, she does it when she’s half asleep most of the time. But in the end she always returns the person's phone before the end of the day!

WhyAmIHere: Also we have all seen those photos, if Marinette was seriously stalking him don’t you think the pictures would be inappropriate? They are either from magazines or from class outings.

LoveBug: Alix you have to admit it is a little weird that Marinette has gone this far

LoveBug: Lila is a model too and she knows so many famous people. I have no doubt she knows more about stalking than we do.

WhyAmIHere: srs.

TrueBeauty: Alix you have to listen to me! Marinette is sick and she needs help or else she’ll be a danger to Adrien and us!

WhyAmIHere: No. I’m done. Marinette is just a teenager with a CRUSH and you are just blowing it out of proportion.

Alix Kubdel has left Girls GC.

TrueBeauty: Rose Juleka you believe us right?

TrueBeauty: Please Mari really needs help!

PinkBean: No we don’t…

BossFox: WHAT!?

PurpleBean: We don’t believe you. Besides, Marinette barely has a crush on Adrien anymore. I’d ask if you’ve seen her room but she stopped inviting you up Alya.

PinkBean: And she doesn’t like Lila so Lila has never even seen her room.

BossFox: It isn’t like you guys would actually know anything! Just after school today Marinette threatened Lila to stay away from Adrien! And she got physical!

LoveBug: oh gosh! Lila are you okay?

TrueBeauty: Alya! I didn’t want anyone to know!

BossFox: But they need to know Lila especially since they keep siding with her!

PinkBean: Really?

PinkBean: When after school?

TrueBeauty: She attacked me around 4 today!

PurpleBean: oh rlly?

PinkBean: That doesn’t make sense though because Marinette was with us today at four. We left the school together.

TrueBeauty: This is what I was afraid of! Marinette has twisted you two into lying for her! See Alya this is why I didn’t want anyone to know!

BossFox: Don’t worry I’ll handle this girl.

Juleka Couffaine was removed by BossFox.

PinkBean: Alya?! Really?!

Rose Lavillant was removed by BossFox.

BossFox: Alright girls we have to help keep Adrien safe from his Stalker!

LoveBug: I’ll tell Ivan, I’m sure him and the other boys will be more than happy to help!

TrueBeauty: oh I don’t know what I would do without you girls!

                                                   Diamonds

                                                    8:15 pm

BlueDiamond: Alix just showed up at my house with Calendula Pink Surprise.

GreenDiamond: Oh? Tikki must be in love.

BlueDiamond: She is, hasn't left the plant since I placed it in my room. I’d send a picture but she obviously wouldn’t show up.

BrownDiamond: Pray tell cousin dearest why did she gift you with flowers?

GreenDiamond: Mir is having another Pride and Prejudice movie marathon…

BrownDiamond: It is a gift to the world!

BlueDiamond: Yes yes one of the best books out there we know.

BlueDiamond: She apologized for everything, also, she may know I’m Ladybug.

BrownDiamond: Well duh, Calendula? Ladybugs love those flowers.

BlueDiamond: She told me that she honestly just thought it was a little rivalry between Lila and me. That is until Alya made a group chat purposely excluding me.

GreenDiamond: Really?

BlueDiamond: Mhm, she said it would be their ‘drama free’ group chat. Not the beat part though.

BrownDiamond: Go on, I've got my movie paused.

BlueDiamond: Apparently I am stalking Adrien and they need to protect him from me.

GreenDiamond:...

BrownDiamond:...

BrownDiamond: My god Marc I can hear you from my room, breathe! 

BlueDiamond: I thought the penthouse walls were soundproof?

BrownDiamond: They are.

GreenDiamond: cant breathe

BlueDiamond: I’ve done it.

BlueDiamond: I’ve killed our cousin.

BrownDiamond: Sometimes I wished you’d live here with us Mar.

BlueDiamond: I am thinking about it.

BlueDiamond: Mama and Papa have told me before I can, and it’ll be much easier to avoid Alya.

BrownDiamond: [Image.png]

BlueDiamond: oh my gods breathe

BlueDiamond: is that..

BlueDiamond: Is that Nathaniel’s hoodie?

BrownDiamond: he has rolled over and hid his face in his pillow.

BrownDiamond: Should I tickle the information out of him?

BlueDiamond: hmm permission granted

BrownDiamond: [Video]

BlueDiamond: Awe Marc!!

BrownDiamond: I am outraged he has been dating you for so long and never asked our permission!

BlueDiamond: Mireille give Nathaniel a break, besides not many people know that we are cousins

GreenDiamond: Actually he didn’t know until tonight that we are. Also Mar, expect something from him soon, he knew the truth but didn’t know how to apologize to you.

BrownDiamond: So he is the reason you left the penthouse so quick after your lessons!

GreenDiamond: Shut up Mir!

BlueDiamond: Get some sleep you two, I’ll talk over moving to the penthouse with Mama tomorrow.

BrownDiamond: Goodnight Mar

GreenDiamond: Wait really?!

GreenDiamond: Mar!!

GreenDiamond: You torture me so!

BrownDiamond: Go to sleep Marc.

GreenDiamond: Fine I’ll just ambush her tomorrow.

[anstarwar]

I love we got to enjoy Coric and Leia canon-divergence for a whopping 4 days before Kenobi's ep 3 came out--

Have you seen it? May I ask after your thoughts on it?

Hope you're doing good!

- R2wedoomed's Anna :)

Hi @r2wedoomed !

I choose to believe Coric is still out there causing shenanigans. He helped them get to the ship secretly and then bounced back to his own ship to report into Rex who he saw *nods* Coric will meet back up with them later, with the dejarik table ready to go...he'll show up when they need him most like Batman XD

I have seen ep 3 yessss! Funny thing is I didn't know they had moved it back to Wednesdays so I woke up that morning seeing references to stuff that had happened in the show that didn't happen in the first two eps and was very confused...and then I checked internet and lo-and-behold they went and moved it on me! smh

Spoiler talk under the cut

Anyways, I LOVED IT! I am so so glad we're getting truly genuinely evil Vader, the Vader on which his reputation was built. The bits with him were so nasty (he broke that kids neck, ackkkk) and then burned our man Obi!

The bit when he said Quinlan...oh my god my heart hurt and was also happy for him because someone he knew, someone he grew up with, managed to survive also! Like I imagine his hope meter gained 10+ HP when he saw that!

And then when Reva...oh my...when Reva reached out to touch the Jedi Order symbol? Hello, this fuels my belief that she was one of the younglings and like part of her agenda going after Obi is cuz he symbolizes the Order to her, that he abandoned them when they needed him most (not by choice cuz war, Utapau, etc...but she angry and doesn't care to make distinctions). He symbolizes the loss of her family, everything she knew, her safety because if she was one of the younglings she was then tortured and manipulated into going to the Darkside

I think so far they are doing a great job with showing the transition from the strong confident Jedi that Obi was and his descent into the almost-fearful "I'm going to stay out of this as much as possible" hermit we see in the OT. This is not an original idea, but I am definitely in the camp of "Obi is amazing because he's suffered so much and remains kind and hopeful." And here we see him as losing hope and faith and just trying to survive. He wants to help, but I think he also blames himself so much for what's happened that he also just wants to crawl away and hide and be forgotten.

I think at the end of this all it's only going to strengthen his resolve to help Luke however he can, despite Owen's warnings to stay away (I mean obvies, this isn't a hot take cuz we see/it's implied he does just that in the OT lol)

I'm also enjoying the plot armor of knowing Leia and Obi-wan will get out of this situation, but they're also doing a great job with the suspense of "what will Reva do with Leia??"

I have so much more to say, but this is already way longer than you probably were expecting so I'll just cut it off here

Thanks for asking! Feel free to DM if you wanna chat about it more, would love to hear your though :)