#anyway points if you can see the bald bitch in this one

[redactedcrowart]

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[slasherscream]

i would love to know which of the crazy ass boys gang would indulge a partner who watches reality tv? whose getting just as invested and angry and who is standing to the side saying it’s dumb and fake? (i know it’s kevin)

❥ who grins and bares it so they can bond with you ❥

Billy Loomis - This is just a bonding activity for Billy. It’s not awful. Nor is it the most fun thing in the world. It’s just one of those tiny moments that relationships are built off. The small bids for connection that build intimacy. You don’t bitch when he wants to watch Psycho for the sixth time in two months. He doesn’t bitch when you turn on trashy TV. He pulls you close, so that you’re sitting in his lap, or laid up against him, and pays enough attention to ask you the odd question or two to clarify what’s going on if he gets lost. What do you mean they switch couples?? When did they start doing that? Last week… oh I bet Luca was pissed. 

David Mccall - David is obnoxious because he pretends to be the type who is upset when you watch without him. He’ll come home, glance at the TV and gasp dramatically: Baby! Why are you watching our show without me?! How far along are you? You watched an entire episode? You know better than that, baby! You gotta rewind it, hold on, I’ll order us some pizza. Can’t believe you’d watch behind my back! This is a ridiculous pantomime that you may or may not pick up on. Mileage varies as always. David couldn’t care less about the reality TV shows you watch. But he likes the way you giggle as you rewind it for him. Or the way you light up when you’re discussing it with him. You used to spend way too much time talking with your friends about this stupid crap. Now you talk to him. Who gives a shit about whatever mindless little thing you’re watching. What David enjoys is your undivided attention. 

Jason Dean/JD - JD also sees this as a bonding activity and bid for connection… However, JD is a born hater. He bonds by talking shit. He’s not necessarily trying to be a bummer about the things you enjoy. He’s just a certified yapper when it comes to shit-talking. If he thinks something is stupid he just can’t sit in silence. This is his most underdeveloped life skill. He’s got ten minutes of quiet in him max. If he does manage to bite his tongue his face gives him away anyways. So what was the point? Will say something pretentious like: “Why are we watching people play out a badly scripted version of their lives through a screen when we could be out living ours, right now? Let’s hop on my bike and just ride, darling! Live a little!” Sir, I just worked an eight hour shift. I need to see someone who doesn’t deserve a rose get sent home in tears. Read the room. Get a grip. 

❥ who is pissed off/devastated when you watch it without them ❥

Sebastian Valmont - What can he say? Sebastian likes to watch people experience psychological torment. He’s trying to turn on the first seasons of “America’s Next Top Model" and watch a girl get sent home in tears after the judges convinced her to shave her head bald to look more fierce.This is the type of quality reality TV that makes Sebastian laugh. Watching people go through their darkest moments in front of a camera that highlights the creases in their cheap makeup is how he likes to spend the occasional date night. You had to put him onto reality tv shows, but now he’s hooked. He probably watches more reality TV than you do. If we’re being honest. You think this might be how he gets to still live out his glory days of being an unrepentant asshole. Sometimes he sighs a little too wistfully when someone is being a monster. 

Jordan Li - Jordan enjoys anything you do together. Even if they hate a particular activity, at least they’re spending time with you. Still, there are reality TV shows that Jordan really likes, such as: home improvement shows, “Say Yes to the Dress'', “Face Off”, “American Ninja Warrior”, and “RuPaul's Drag Race”. And then there are shows that Jordan puts on a brave face about. Things like “Love Island” and “Jersey Shore”. Jordan gets queasy just scrolling past them. There was a time before they became one of Brink’s favorites that their parents kept pushing them to try and be an entertainment Supe. No one is taking you that seriously, anyways! Maybe you’ll do better in the reality TV circuit. It’s unlikely Jordan will ever get stuck in projects like that now. They’ve proven they can be a heavy hitter. Proven that they’re strong enough to not need to sell themselves as cheap, easily-digestible, entertainment. Still, they don’t like thinking of the alternate world where they’re having to sit in front of a camera and do twenty retakes of “authentic” confessional room venting.

Stu Macher - He likes reality TV and doesn’t care who knows. Hooray! A shared interest… except watching these shows with him will piss you the fuck off. He has dog-shit opinions about everything. You will never be rooting for the same people. You will never agree on who handled a situation better. He’s always rooting for the asshole, it seems. You don’t even think he’s doing it to be contrary or to make you mad. He’s genuinely on their side (most of the time… he does enjoy making you mad.) Watching reality TV with Stu makes you want to kill him. It also makes you look at him funny. Why are you always siding with the bastards? You don’t think Ekin-Su needed to apologize? Stu, are you out of your fucking mind?

Josh Washington - You’re gonna try to tell me that the twins weren’t making him paint toenails while they pulled all nighters of “The Bachelor”? Sure, okay, if you’d like to believe that. And his inner circle consists of Emily and Jess? Please. He’s been watching trashy TV for years. He’s watched a little of everything. He is so well acquainted with the dark underbelly of reality TV that it would roll over for a tummy rub from him. It knows his scent. He can easily keep track of the names, faces, and plots. Who’s fucking who. Who hates who. Who’s forming secret alliances. You’ll probably be more lost than Josh ever gets. He’s a day one. He’s an OG. 

❥ who is pissed off to even be hearing about it second-hand ❥

Sparrow!Ben Hargreeves - He has better shit to do than watch reality TV show crap all day, and so do you. These are the kinds of harsh words that will be waiting for you if you try and get him to watch anything fun with you. Ask him one too many times and, like a parent who is annoyed that you are bothering him, he will begin to fill up any moment of free time the two of you have with activities. No, babe, we can’t watch “90 Day Fiance.” Why? Because we’ve got to run the marathon for kids with cancer and then we’ve got dinner with the mayor after that. You two are gonna be booked and busy. You were obviously bored. Now you won’t have time to even think!

Kevin Khatchadourian - Please don’t remind him so blatantly of his own intellectual superiority over you (he’s an asshole.) He gets the ick of the century when you try and tell him what happened during one of your little…programs. If you have the audacity to take it a step further and ask him to watch with you? He’s rendered speechless. Since when is this relationship a safe space? He doesn’t enjoy well-written, heart-stopping, incredible genre-defining movies and television. And yet, somehow, you’re so delusional you think he’s gonna sit through reality television with you? Don’t piss him off. He doesn’t even bother responding. Enjoy the view of his back as he walks away!

❥ secret fourth worse thing ❥

Nathan Prescott - Nathan is once again in a category of his own, which you might call: too nosy to not get into it, but doesn't want you to know he enjoys it. He made fun of you when you first started to watch reality TV. He can’t go back on his word now. If you were cuddling on the couch he’d have his face turned into your stomach and dramatically roll his eyes at your absentminded head rubbing. Could we focus on what’s important please? But then the plots started thickening and the heated exchanges started to pique his interest. He knew he was cooked when he started recognizing names, who was booed up with who… wait that disloyal prick hooked up with who this week?! He tells you to just replay the episode because you’re explaining it shitty and you obviously want him to watch it and talk to you about it. It isn’t for his benefit at all. Turn the subtitles on, god dammit.

A/N: this was really fun! how did you know i've been watching reality TV shows lately?? if you enjoyed these headcanons consider reblogging, leaving a reply, or an anon! a writers fuel is engagement. xoxoxo

[thewriterg]

𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐜𝐬

pairing(s): jess mariano x gn!reader, collegestudent!jess x collegestudent!reader

summary: you see the title :)

word count: 1.2k

request: if you’re uncomfortable with it you don’t have to but could you write NSFW alphabet with Jess Mariano 🤭

warning(s): smut and language

A/n: —GIFs; @buffysummers— *cracks neck* it’s been a while since I’ve done this but I think I might still got it

Aftercare

Aftercare king

I feel like In his younger years he didn’t really know much about it I mean come on we all knew he was a man whore back than

he would crack you open some water and be on his way before you fell asleep

or fuck you to sleep and leave before you woke up

but he’s gotten better!

gets you a warm rag to wipe you up would run you a bath occasionally but Jess is a little arrogant bitch so he’s not gonna admit that he wants to cuddle with you for a lot of little while 🙄

Body Part

His favorite body part on you is your face even in his younger years jess didn’t base his sole existence off sex he loves to lay a hand on your cheek or kiss your forehead

But In all honesty

Jess is an ass man

There I said it.

His favorite part on himself other than his hair is his hair. he likes when you run your fingers through it and normal time but especially after sex

he’d never say it to your face though it’s Jess come on Y/n 🙄

he’s into hair pulling

pull his hair see what muffled sounds you can get out of him 🙏🏽

because he’s definitely not just going to let it spur out and let you hear them.

bratty jess?

the answer is yes.

Cum

He likes to cum either on your ass or inside you that’s just his preference.

he’s also not against in your mouth when you suck him off

I feel like he’s not really throwing a bitch fit rather you spit or swallow

kiss him and make him taste himself and feels a certain way ;)

but going back to inside you :)

he likes when you clench around him and kinda ground him in a way? Like bringing him back to reality in the best way possible

he’s in love with you either way 🤸🏾‍♀️

Dirty Secret

Jess Mariano is a switch.

Experience

like I said he was a man whore even though it’s behind him now he was a whore.

He has plenty experience on his belt

Also my man is a book reader

You can’t tell me that he hasn’t read smut like let’s be serious for a second

just know that Jess can get around and you’re always gonna finish with him 😊

Favorite Position

Rocking horse and spooning.

Jess is an eye contact person

Just intensely staring at you as he rubs circles on your puffy clit or Keeps running his thumb over your red tip

if you can hold up with his eyes than you might just have him tucked under your thumb

If not than expect him to tease the fuck at out of you and result into shit like fucking you in a mirror forcing you to watch

Goofy

I feel like other than like a sarcastic remark and a couple smirks Jess isn’t really that goofy?

I don’t think Jess is a sunshine/silly character anyways so, there’s that

Hair

He keeps himself trimmed not completely bald but not where to point where he’s uncomfortable or scratching you with it

He doesn’t really care all that much about body hair?

Like it would go like this;

“We can’t, I haven’t shaved.”

“…so?” 🧍🏽🍽️

Intimacy

There’s a lot of things that Jess is but naive however is not one.

when you want to get intimate Jess catches your drift pretty quick

But on a serious not I feel like Jess would like no shit be so sweet sometimes

Like starting up at you as he kiss up your legs to your abdomen and chest

Prepping kissed everywhere kiss rolls, beauty marks, freckles, your back and shoulders, dimples, everything.

Body worship bae

Jack off

He doesn’t do it a lot anymore? He has you and once again he’s never based his whole being off sex intake

but my man is a college student 🙏🏽

and you both have busy schedules so he might have to do what he has to to take his mind off his exam stress

if you catch him!?

please like make him finish in front of you it’d make him so hot and bothered

neither of you would go to class

Kink

Hair pulling; hair pulling is a probably a big key to Jess’s subby side

he is a switch and I’ll die on that hill.

Markings; he’d be a little shit about markings hickeys, hand marks, kiss prints, anything. leave scratches down his back and hickeys one his neck where people can see? he’s fucking whipped and will be back for more when they fade.

Overstimulation.

I rest my case your honor.

Location

your ass or your mouth.

Motivation

When you wear tighter clothes that shows off your figure he loses all sense he has come to have and will shamelessly stare

Also cock warming.

You’re helping him study and he can’t focus? It’s almost like a game

The more flash cards he can go through and get right than the more you move

if he gets more than enough wrong you’ll basically just torture him and sit there as he struggles to hold in his groans

No

Hurting each other other than like a couple smacks on the ass from either parties Jess isn’t into the pain thing at all

Oral

he doesn’t mind a good blowjob

oral fixation go brrr

Place

Risky

Jess is all about the adrenaline he gets off the risky feeling of being caught

Janitors closet type beat

Quickie

Once again y’all are college students

You eat, breathe, and live quickies.

Risk

yes 😈

The amount of places y’all have been in is very questionable

a dressing room 😏

restaurant family bathroom 😝

the janitors closet 🤨

the library 😟

Sext

it’s literally his specialty

“rubbing those pretty legs together thinking about me in the middle of them”

All while your in class

LIEK

sir enough. 🙏🏽

Toys

Not the biggest fan

only toy he was really keen on was something like vibrator underwear

but that’s a story for another day

Unfair

Depending on your personality is rather where you can keep up with Jess or not

because he’s a very big fucking tease

If you can than your best bet is to not let him talk like once you start keep going and he doesn’t have a chance like zero chance

Stare at him dead in his eyes maybe look at lips for a little bit and keep sweet talking him and he’s bending to your will

Volume

you have to really pull the noises out of this one

he’s not letting them slip easy

Wild Card

Once you were giving Jess head he was already overstimulated maybe on his third or forth orgasm and the last one you gave him practically had him unconscious

For the rest of the night he was clinging and whiny wanting you close

That’s been the biggest sun moment you’ve seen in Jess your whole relationship

X ray

6.5 to 7 inches

It gets him around but you’re also not dying splitting in half

Yes

Put your fingers in mouth

Don’t break eye contact as he licks around your digits

you two are at it like fucking rabbits

Zzz

Unless you’ve been at it for a while Jess is usually the one falling asleep after you

he’d run shapes on your hip kiss your forehead when your eyes close and then finally be on his way

[xetlynn]

Twilight- Youngest Shadow: Chapter Three, Crash It

(Alice X Reader X Jasper)

[two] [three] [four]

Today was the day of my 6th Volleyball game out of 14. It’s a Home game.

Every single game has been attended by Jacob, Quil and Embry. Sometimes Sam and Billy. Bella made it to about two. Clearly needing to do her own thing I understood. If I didn’t understand a sport I wouldn’t want to go either.

She makes me sit with her at lunch still, I got kind of close with Angela. She’s cool. She also comes to games but that’s to take pictures, helping with the yearbook committee.

Bella and I walk out of the house together. I see my bike is gone and remembered I had to give it to Jacob for maintenance. Since he offered I was getting it done for free.

It’s also raining so I’m kind of glad I don’t have to choice to ride it. Sometimes the rain drops hurt like a bitch. I lift my hood up, walking behind Bella as we go down the steps. “Great.” She mutters under her breath.

Charlie pulls in with her truck. “Dad I can drive us to school myself.” As we get closer to the bottomed step she slips and falls on her ass. Tripping due to not watching where I was going I go forward.

“You okay, Bells? [Name]?” Charlie climbs out of the truck, helping Bella up and then the both help me. I ripped a new pair of jeans, hissing in pain from my hands I wipe it on my sweater that’s not so new. Luckily I didn’t bleed at all. “Ice doesn’t help the uncoordinated.” Bella frowns at her own joke.

“Clearly.” I groan.

“That’s why I got you new tires.” Charlie points to the red truck. “The other ones were nearly bald.”

“You got me new tires. No one’s ever don’t that before.” Both Charlie and I look at her confused. “I mean… nothing.”

He glances at me, not getting it but he heads to his cruiser.

“I won’t make it to dinner or the game. I’m heading down to Mason County. A security guard at the Grisham Mill got killed by some kind of animal.” He explains to us.

“An animal?” Bella asks, confused.

“You’re not in Phoenix anymore, honey. They’ve been hunting it for a week with no luck. Thought I’d lend a hand.” He puts it simply. “Be careful.” We say in unison.

“Always am.”

“And thank you for the tires.”

I’d thought by now they wouldn’t be so awkward with each other but I am very wrong. The tension is so thick it couldn’t even be cut with a knife.

Change of pov

Rain was still hitting hard. Eric and Bella walk together into Biology. She brushes off her coat as he talks. “And yeah, prom committee is a chick thing, but I gotta cover it for the paper anyway and they need a guy to help choose the music. So I need your playlist.” Eric explains but before the girl can respond Mike comes up behind her. “Come on, Arizone. Give it up for the rain.” He shakes his wet baseball cap onto Bella’s head.

“Terrific.” She walks away, ignoring them to get to her seat.

She freezes once she notices Edward. She straightens her posture, striding to the shared table confidently. Dropping her books in front of him, ready to address him but instead he looks up at her and speaks.

“Hello.”

She stops, automatically stunned. “I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself last week. My name is Edward Cullen.”

She’s too shocked to respond, she wasn’t expecting him to talk to her. “You’re Bella.” He stares, not questioning.

“I’m… yes.” She finally sits, feeling stupid.

He abruptly moves to the edge of his seat away from her. She’s baffled to say the least, smelling her hair as if she stinks.

“Onion root tip cells! That’s what’s on your slides. Separate and label them into the phases of mitosis. The first partners to get it right win the golden onion!” Mr. Molina holds up a gold spray painted onion but disappointed by the little to no reaction.

“Come on people, tick tock.”

Everyone gets to work. Edward pushes the microscope towards Bella, still keeping a distance.

“Ladies first.” She grabs it defensively and snaps the first slide in, adjusting the lens. “You’ve been gone.”

“Out of town. Personal reasons.” He was curt like her, short with his answers.

“Prophase.” She says, going to remove the slide. “May I look?” She slides the scope to him, he looks into it. “Prophase.”

“Like I said.”

He writes it down on the work sheet. He takes a deep breath, turning to her. “Enjoying the rain?”

“Seriously? You’re asking me about the weather?” She seems offended. “It appears.”

“No, unlike my sister I don’t like the cold, or the wet. Or the grey. Or the parkas. Or the turtlenecks.”

There was a small smile that played on his lips.

He actually seemed interested in what she had to say. He studies her like her sister did to him days ago. But she can’t tell if he despises her or not. “What?”

He shakes his head and turns to the microscope, switching out the slides. She continues to stare at him, appreciating his evident beauty. His cheekbones to his lips.

“Anaphase.” She snaps out of her daze to go back to giving a dry look.

“May I?” She mocks him for before, looking into the lens.

“Anaphase.”

“Like I said.”

They change the slide.

“If you hate the cold and rain, why move to the wettest place in the continental U.S.?” He quizzes her.

“It’s complicated.” Simple answer, but he’s intrigued so he pushes.

“I think I can keep up.” She looks at him quickly then looking away back at the scope. He seems to be paying attention very intently.

“My mother remarried.” Another simple response.

“Very complex. So you don’t like him.” A statement, he doesn’t question himself.

“Phil is fine. Young for her but nice enough.” She tells. “Interphase.”

At the end of school she’s still holding the golden onion. She bumps into Edward on accident. “Why didn’t you stay with your mom and step dad? Or your sister?” He waits patiently for her to say something, studying her like before.

“Alright, Phil’s a minor league baseball player, so he travels a lot. My mother stayed home with me and [Name] but it made her unhappy. And my sister has always been a daddy’s girl. So I decided to spend time with my father too.” She explains everything. “But now you’re unhappy.” He states himself again.

“No I… I just.” She turns away, embarrassed.

Back to You

At the end of the day I stood beside Angela and Jessica. Since our game was today I don’t see a point in going all the way home just to come back to the school.

I watch my sister head for her truck, shivering. Once she got there she looked back, making little eye contact with me and then staring at the Cullens. More specifically, Edward? I think that’s his name if I’m remembering correctly.

Their eyes met then there was a loud screech only getting louder by the second. A van skids out of control, heading right for my older sister.

I felt frozen for a second, running over there immediately. The van comes to a complete stop after spinning out. Like something forcefully stopped it. I didn’t see anything as it had happened so fast. The van had only hit the back of the truck, leaving a dent that was definitely noticeable to the eye.

After milliseconds everyone went berserk, roaring into screams of trying to get help, calling 911.

Mike and Eric yell if she’s okay, I watched Edward who was once at his Volvo now leaving the scene. Wanting to ask him what happened I shake my head, pushing the two boys out of my way. “Bells, Bella?!” I cried out, falling down to her level, feeling the pain in my knees from earlier but ignoring it. I took her into my arms as she was obviously in shock.

I ended up driving her and the boy who crashed into her, Tyler a ride to the hospital.

I told him to shut up on our way there. Even sitting in the room as they got checked up on I sat there glaring at him.

Minutes later, Charlie rushes in. “Bells, are you alright?“

“I’m fine dad, calm down.” She assures gun but it’s not enough. “I’m so sorry Bella. I tried to stop.” Tyler apologizes.

“It’s okay Tyler.” Bella tells him and I scoff. “It sure as hell is not okay.” Charlie says, I nod agreeing. “Dad it’s not his fault.”

“We nearly lost you.”

“But you didn’t.” She says, I pull her into a hug since Dad is glaring at Tyler like I once was. “You can kiss your license goodbye.” He sternly tells the boy and I watch his body falter.

I notice Dr. Cullen approach us and if I didn’t know anything I would’ve thought he was a movie star. I didn’t pay Trenton to what they were talking about. I focused on his face, observing him as he talked. Just like I did with his foster kids. Then I heard Tyler apologizing once again, since I was closest I closed the curtain getting a fist bump from my dad.

“It would’ve been a lot worse if Edward hadn’t knocked me out of the way.” Bella says ignoring dad and I’s antics.

“Edward? Your boy?” Charlie asks only to not get a response.

Dr. Cullen adverts his eyes, I watch Bella press. I’m guessing she knew something that was making him uncomfortable. “It was amazing he got to me so fast. He was nowhere near me.”

The blonde man smiles.

“As long as you’re safe.”

We leave the treatment area. “I just have to sign some paperwork. You better call your mom.” He points to Bella.

“You told her?! She’s probably freaking out!” He just shrugs and walks off.

She pulls her phone out and I laugh, earning an eye roll. Then we both look down the hall, hearing an argument. “Stay here.” She orders as if I was so much younger than her. She gets a little closer to whatever was happening.

Not meaning to but the curiosity getting the best of me I do the same thing.

“This isn’t about you. It’s about all of us.” It was Rosalie. I raise an eyebrow but Dr. Cullen definitely saw Bella, taking Rosalie inside his office.

I sit for a moment, but I see Bella talking to Edward so I just walk the other way, pulling out my phone as I felt it vibrating.

It’s Jacob calling, shit.

I answered it quickly. I forgot all about my Volleyball game that’s in… 35 minutes.

“Hello?” I spoke to,

“Hey, where are you? Are you okay? I heard something about an accident with you and Bella?” He freaks out, i why shush him trying to calm him down.

“Hey, everything is fine. No damage was done. Bella was apart if it but no scratches, just a bump on the head. I’m sorry I should’ve called.” I told him, hugging my self with my open arm.

“Oh, I’m glad you’re both okay, I’m glad shes okay.” He sighs like he had just been holding in a long breath.

“Yeah, yeah. Everything is good. I’m just going to keep watch on Bella for a little. Could you let my coach know what happened. I’m sure she knows but y’know?”

“Totally understand, I will let her know. Call me later tonight?” He sounded hopeful and I smile to myself.

“Of course, I’ll call around 9.” I say

“Can’t wait…”

“Knock it off.”

I was going to ask what he meant by that but I hear the other guys in the background and I laugh.

I hung up, not seeing Bella come up to me, she grabbed my shoulder causing me to jump and almost drop my phone.

“Who was that?”

“Jacob. He asked if we were okay since he went to my game as usual. Seeing I wasn’t there freaked him out.” I take a deep breath through my nose.

“I completely forgot about that. We can still make it.” She says in a hurried tone but I shake my head.

“Coach wouldn’t let me play anyway. There’s no point.” I laugh, putting a hand on her arm.

“I’m sorry.” She frowns.

“No need, you should call mom though.”

She whines to herself, pulling her phone out again.

Charlie walks out and we go outside. I drove the truck home.

Later that night I call Jacob like I told him I would. He tells me about the game since they stayed due to Quil wanting to.

“It would’ve been a better game with you for sure.” He says and I could hear the smile.

“I know, I’m just so amazing.” I brag, playing with my tongue piercing as I hear his laugh.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have boasted your ego.”

“What ego?” I jokingly say.

I look over to my clock, seeing the time and it was already 11:30.

I was surprised Charlie hadn’t come and told me to go to bed.

“Ah, we should go to bed.” I start to say, I heard a small thump from Bella’s room upstairs and I stood up carefully strutting towards the door.

“[Name]?” Jacob calls, I snap out of whatever trance I was in. Not hearing anything else from Bella’s room so I go back to my bed.

“Sorry I got distracted. Goodnight, Jake.” My voice was a little raspy from being tired.

“Goodnight.” He ends up hanging up the phone and I lay back in my bed.

Thinking about everything that happened today.

Chapter three, edited.

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (23-24 SZN PART 18)

au masterlist

notes: this is short but i needed it out and i’ve been much too busy to write lately and i’m running on very little sleep and can barely keep my eyes open

y/ndevils00

liked by jackhughes, ehaula, and 428,715 others

y/ndevils00 we’re not back

we are SO not back.

but you know who IS back?! MY SEXY ASS, 22 POINT HAVING, COMEBACK GOAL SCORING, SNACK STEALING BOYFRIEND!!

despite the unfortunate 5-3 loss against the dish rags, we did get a few good goals tonight, starting with one from everyone’s favorite previously injured man, JACK ROWDEN HUGHES!!!

babygirl also assisted on Uncle Haula-hoop’s goal (the third and final Devils goal)! and in between those goals, Pally pocket got a goal!!

however, towards the end of first, we were down by one, and despite my strongly worded advisory, coach bark pulled my main man Vitek and let the rags score an empty netter….

anyways! bestie number 1 was wrongfully accused and jailed in the second— his crime? his flow was too nice. not very jail worthy, but the bald bitch from the other team had it out for him.

goodnight and please enjoy the last couple photos i took of my sassy boy toy during his post-game interview where he couldn’t keep his eyes off me— can’t say i blame him 🤭

tagged jackhughes, pally_18, ehaula, and dawson1417

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user93 the red m&m in the 3rd pic is sending me 😭

y/ndevils00 give him some respect! he assisted on that goal!

jackhughes i didn’t realize you were saving the cheez-its!

y/ndevils00 they were my work snack! i need food in order to keep my energy to run around the arena!

jackhughes i give you $30 before every game for you to buy snacks??

y/ndevils00 i prefer to use that money for drinky drinks

lhughes_06 that explains so much

dawson1417 he can’t have my hair!

y/ndevils00 baldy should’ve thought about his flow before he shaved his head! i’ll protect your hair!

john.marino97 and how will you do that?

y/ndevils00 @/john.marino97 the same way i get rid of all the men in my dm’s— beat ‘em off with a stick!

jackhughes MEN IN YOUR DM’S????

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes oh don’t act so surprised! i’m a catch and everyone knows it!

trevorzegras @/jackhughes damn dude, better get a move on with ‘plan alpha-alpha’ before someone snatches up your girl

user66 i love the jack-centric posts! y/n feeds us 🙏

ehaula did you know there’s other players on the team besides your boyfriend?

y/ndevils00 did you know i don’t care about anyone else?

ehaula trust me, i can tell

y/ndevils00 then why are you asking stupid questions you already know the answer to?

ehaula i’m disowning you

y/ndevils00 you can’t do that!

ehaula pretty sure i can!

y/ndevils00 nuh-uh! tell him @/kristen.haula

kristen.haula you can’t disown our niece, Erik!

y/ndevils00 TOLD YOU! NA-NA-NA BOO BOO!

ehaula i can’t believe you’ve wormed your way into my family and won’t leave

dawson1417 yeah, that’s what happens

john.marino97 my mom calls her the daughter she never had

john.marino97 excuse me, where am i?!

y/ndevils00 idk, your couch?

john.marino97 IN THE POST! where am i IN THE POST!

y/ndevils00 oh, you got no points. do better and maybe you’ll be featured

john.marino97 i tried!

y/ndevils00 so try harder?? idk what to tell you

john.marino97 why am i friends with you

y/ndevils00 because i’m hot and funny and smart?

john.marino97 no, that’s not it

user20 poor dawson in the box 😭

_quinnhughes i’ve missed your chaotic energy! can’t wait to see you soon, Dove!!

y/ndevils00 aww! so excited to see you soon huggy! 🥹🤍

jackhughes not once have you said you can’t wait to see me?

lhughes_06 you’ll see your brothers too??

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes @/lhughes_06 okay?

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes @/lhughes_06 i’m lost on what that has to do with me?

lhughes_06 NOTHING! it has NOTHING to do with you!

y/ndevils00 @/lhughes_06 yeah, so it’s irrelevant

nicohischier i hate not playing, but i won’t lie, i love not being on these posts

y/ndevils00 it’s only a matter of time, captain slut!

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Listen can you make one with blackmask and the other rogues find out that some random college student made a dedicated sub reddit fan account that just posts random supportive messages and borderline wtf how did that bitch know what i ate last night or what body wash I use 😂

www.wtf-

When did the Internet get so scary?

TheRiddlerLover88: Convinced my parents to paint my room Riddler green 😍

Quackingduckquakes: If there's no Penguin fans in the world then I am dead x

Quittakingallthegoodusernames: spank me Two-Face and then send me to jail, thanking you.

HarleyQueen04: AYO, I heard Roman Sionis uses a new cologne. Internet do your thing, I need to spray down all my clothes with it x

N0turfanboi: low-key penguin can bend me over and-

It was a nightmare. Stuff of pure nightmares.

IamBatman96: guys, I found the same jacket Roman Sionis wears.

Igivemetheick: send pics or it didn't happen.

IamBatman96 sent an image.

Igivemetheick: ...omw.

Candyblues92: wait if I burn one half of it would I have Two-Face's jacket? Asking for a friend x

There truly was such a thing as too much Internet and no one dared to go too far into the rabbit hole.

Black Mask: He hated that the most commonly asked question on his thread was where he lived. He also hated how many were dangerously close to figuring it out. Apparently, triangulating his businesses and club gives a rough idea where he lived. Apparently he had to move because he just read one of these crazy bitches just said they wanted to feed him pie with their hair in it. He took out his phone sending an account URL to one of his goons. 'Make sure this one never finds me.' He'll appreciate the support...from the other side of the planet for safety.

The Riddler: The Riddler had hoped for some kind of decent intellectual discourse to laugh at. Instead he got nightmares. He saw a lot of discourse about his fingers. About how long they were and somehow that brought comments about how...skilled...he must be in various things. Then people were volunteering as tribute- whatever that meant- but then someone said. 'BRB, writing the fanfiction right now x' and that comment got too many likes for comfort. 'No man has pulled off green before the Riddler and no one will pull it off after the Riddler.' Finally the voice of reason has arrived. The riddler soon types up a response. No one knows its him but he'll argue with everyone until everyone sees things his way. It's practically a public service. He's educating the masses more than the pathetic excuse of an education system ever will.

Victor Zsasz: "I'd polish that bald head any day of the week, daddy. Hm. Good to know." Victor said aloud as he read. After some scrolling, he cracked a smile. "Aww SniperKnife really loves me." He never makes himself known on the Internet. Never cared for it beyond the occasional funny pet video. However, that username popped up all the time. It made him smile. Even on the hardest of days he could rely on SniperKnife to cheer him on. He read another. "What that gun do tho? ...well someone struggled in English class." He hummed. "Poor kid doesn't even know what a gun does."

Two-Face: First of all- he and Roman don't shop in the same place and how dare those little assho- ahem. He was a little salty after someone started a thread asking what the difference was between Two-Face and Black Mask and all anyone coukd really come up with was that Two-Face was burned and Black Mask...wore a mask. Which turned into people questioning what made everyone sure that they weren't the same person if one was masked. That sparked a debate before someone pointed out their different heights. That Two-Face was taller. That then turned into people analysing the heights of doors and other surrounding objects to determine each person's height. Then someone through off the conclusion by mentioning stilted shoes. He didn't really care who supported him or not. He found the public to be flimsy anyway so he never really notices the regulars.

Penguin: Who the hell started the rumour that Oswald was raised by penguins? And why is it STICKING!? The next thing was how big was a certain appendage and someone did some anatomical research to determine very much in his favour. That was definitely his favourite part of the conversation. He chuckled. "Oh Babycakes224, you're this close to getting a job." There was a pause. "Oh wait this one wants to buy me a boat!" "Eh?" A bartender asked. "I want to motorboat him-" "boss that's not what that means!"

[justsomeoneunordinary]

There are a bajillion Marriage Hunt AUs and not a single one for HashiMito. I don't even like the trope because bride kidnapping was a real thing where men captured the women they wanted to marry and then raped them - and to me, personally, that's reason enough not to enjoy a romanticized version of it. But see, I'm a spiteful bitch and the fact that there are so many MadaTobi and TobiIzu Marriage AU fics but not a single HashiMito one makes me want to have one now.

So...

This is Hashirama's fourth time participating as a hunter in a marriage hunt. The last three times, he claimed he hadn't been able to capture anyone, which is a bald-faced lie considering he's one of the strongest shinobi in all of Hi no Kuni if not even all elemental nations, and the elders know it. But it's not like they can do anything about it except force him strongly suggest to participate in another one.

This time, however, he is considering taking the hunt seriously for once. One of the possible brides is a Nara - the second child of the current clan head. Albeit unfortunately a man, thus not possible to grant Hashirama heirs, which the elders will have objections about (even though they only care about the Mokuton, which they know only appears in every few generations, so the chances that a child of his would inherit the Mokuton are practically zero), he has heard of the intellect that runs through Nara clan head's family.

The first child would've been more fitting, for one she's a woman, and for another she's rumored to be the smartest Nara as of yet, but as the direct heir, she naturally can't marry out. So Hashirama will have to do with the younger brother instead. He isn't sure if he wants to have sex with a man, but Hashirama has never been fond of tradition anyway so he may as well just ignore this one, too. What he needs, is someone strategic to help him make peace with the Uchiha, and since Tobirama is unwilling to hear him out, he may as well capture himself a personal strategist via a marriage contract.

(And here Tobirama always claimed Hashirama can't think ahead. Ha, take this!)

Sure, if it was up to Hashirama, he'd prefer his future wife someone to be he has already gotten to know and has had time to court and develop feelings for but since he's clan head, he can't have everything he wants, so this is his next best option.

When the hunt starts, however, Hashirama doesn't immediately chase after the Nara whose name he unfortunately already forgot. He keeps an eye on him, to see what kind of traps he comes up with against his pursuers, and if Hashirama is impressed enough, he will try to strike a conversation with him and see, how he feels about the notion of peace. And only then will he decide if he will capture the man into marriage or not.

For now, he just runs nonsensically into the forest, which is all the more surprising when golden chains wind around him and capture him in a hard grip that makes him stumble and almost fall to the ground.

"Wha-?"

"Senju Hashirama," he hears Uzumaki Mito's voice at the other side of the chains, standing proudly a few branches behind him, her chin held high and her expression smug, "I, Uzumaki Mito, declare my intention to hunt you for marriage. Do you accept?"

Her tone is steady and imperious but not unkind. Hashirama blinks in confusion.

"But I am registered as a hunter and not bride-to-be?" he helpfully points out.

"Not anymore," Mito says and gestures to his wrist, retracting her chains from his person, now that she has his full attention. Where a blue bracelet should be that identifies him as a hunter is now a red one instead. A bride's bracelet.

Hashirama gapes. "How--?"

He had noticed Mito's hard stare before the hunt had begun. And when he had looked over to see who kept staring holes into him, Mito hadn't even had the decency to look away, had just looked at him with an intense gaze, not paying attention to the rules of the hunt that were being read aloud. Hashirama had wondered if there had been something on his face and prayed it wasn't leftover from his breakfast.

Now he wonders how she managed to exchange his bracelet without anyone noticing, including him, all the while she had been lined up quite a few paces away from him with two other hunters between them.

"I can't marry out, I am clan head," he then mentions carefully, although Mito knows already as much. They have, after all, met a handful of times already. But it bears mentioning, since Mito seems to have forgotten how a marriage hunt works.

"I am aware. And I am, of course, willing to marry into my wife's clan instead. My wife's duty takes precedence over the nature of our marriage."

Huh. Hashirama has met Mito before, so he knows she's a smart woman - Ashina's head strategist even. She's witty and incredibly skilled at the arts of sealing. She's also an exceptionally beautiful woman, which is not important in this context, but Hashirama can't help but notice anyway. And right now, something akin to fear and hope shimmers in those coal-dark eyes, in contrast to the confident pose she's holding.

So, stupidly, Hashirama doesn't think twice when he answers, "I accept."

The brilliant smile Mito gifts him then is all the confirmation he needs that this was the right decision. He may not have had the time to properly court Mito and get to know her better, but he can tell without a doubt, this will be more than worth it.

Without further ado, Hashirama runs.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Dancing 'til the Break of Dawn - Pt 24

<Pt23

(TWST Zombie apocalypse AU where Yuu beast tames just a little too close to the sun)

Haircuts.

Yuu couldn’t say that this was something he thought would matter in the apocalypse, but… well, when you can die any day, it’s important to maintain a certain look, because you’ll be stuck with it for the rest of time.

See the fuckass-bob-man for an example.

No, Yuu could never let himself end up like that.

There was just one simple problem.

Yuu squinted at the knife in his hand. “Guys, I don’t think this is safe.”

“It’s fineeeee,” said Ace. “Just don’t cut yourself.”

“Oh, if it’s that easy, then okay!” Yuu said, his voice full of false cheer.

“Great, great, glad you get it,” said Ace, blatantly ignoring his sarcasm.

A hand tugged on his hair, and Yuu gasped, turning to look at Deuce, who grinned, entirely unrepentant. He let go of the tiny puff of a ponytail that sat at the back of his head… physically. The concept, though, he held onto:

“You’re hair’s not that long, you’ve had to cut it at some point,” said Deuce. And then his eyes lit up. “Oh my god – were you bald before the apocalypse?!”

“No,” said Yuu, rolling his eyes. “I just usually have a zombie cut my hair for me.”

That was the nicest way of putting it. It was more like Grim liked it when Yuu had his hair short, and Yuu was not going to argue with the little harbinger of death.

A few weeks into the apocalypse, fuckass-bob-man had come at him with a set of scissors, and you can’t exactly disagree with the man holding scissors.

Despite fuckass-bob-man’s defining trait, he actually wasn’t that bad at cutting hair.

(Yuu, secretly, thought that this was worse.)

“Well, it’s not that hard, you just gotta…” Ace said, before lopping off a chunk of hair that normally fell in front of his eyes.

Yuu eyed Ace, not quite believing that it was 'easy'. After all, Ace's hair was a mess. Look at that shit. Sure, Yuu had gotten used to the rat’s nest, and now secretly considered it part of Ace’s charm, but objectively? Dude, what the fuck even is that?

“This would be easier if we all just did each other’s hair,” Yuu grumbled.

“I'm not giving Ace the chance to slit my throat,” Deuce said.

“Pussy,” said Ace. Which was distinctly not a denial.

Deuce merely rolled his eyes.

Deuce went to work. He was much more careful with his hair than Ace had been… well, as careful as you can be without a proper mirror or scissors. The end result was going to be choppy, for sure... but, with a little styling, it wouldn’t look so bad.

Yuu, carefully, reached up and touched his ponytail.

Well, if the zombies had a problem with it, they could always fix any split ends.

He cut off the ponytail and tossed it aside, and then gave himself a set of definitely-ugly bangs so he could see.

He used his newly less-impaired vision to join Ace in staring at Deuce, twin grins on their faces.

Deuce’s hand slowed, his grip tightening on his knife. “What?”

Ace pulled his backpack into his lap and started rifling through it, cheerfully, until he could find two boxes of hair dye and a couple of water bottles.

(The water bottles were pretty much the last of the ones they had managed to swipe from Azul, Jade, and Floyd… but this was worth it. The curse must be lifted.)

Deuce gave him an incredulous look. “Seriously?”

“We’re doing our hair anyways…” Yuu said, batting his eyelashes.

Deuce groaned.

“Now, we have two colors – blue and black. Choose wisely,” said Ace.

“Are you guys going to bitch if I dye it black?” Deuce asked.

“For weeks,” Yuu said.

“Is it really a choice, then?”

“No, that’s why we said choose wisely,” Ace said.

“And if I choose black anyway?”

“We will fall into a fit of despair,” Ace said.

“A single fit?” Yuu asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ace nodded solemnly.

“You’re both being ridiculous! It’ll fade to blue! And it’ll take longer to turn green this way!”

Ace and Yuu looked at each other.

Yuu groaned, flopping back on the floor, throwing a hand over his eyes dramatically. “Blue-haired Deuce, I fear we will not be seeing you yet. Wait for us, sweet prince.”

Deuce rolled his eyes so hard Yuu feared they might pop right out of his head.

Yuu and Ace snickered as they tugged on gloves.

Deuce groaned. “Can I just say that I think this is a waste of water?”

“Your complaint has been noted,” said Ace, in the most formal tone he could muster. Which wasn’t very formal, but whatever.

With that, Deuce was forced to pull off his shirt so they could start dyeing his hair.

Despite his complaints, Deuce didn’t seem to mind their hands in his hair. He seemed content to let them run their fingers along every strand. Frankly, the guy looked like the only thing that was keeping him from falling asleep was the fact that it was hard to sleep while sitting up, and he was only sitting up because Ace and Yuu were helping him do so. Deuce had actually swayed, once, like he was going to tip forward and rest himself in Yuu’s lap, but Yuu didn’t want his clothes to get covered in dye, so he’d flicked Deuce in the ear to keep him awake (to his utter dismay).

And, maybe, Ace and Yuu continued playing with Deuce’s hair for longer than was strictly necessary. But could you blame them? It was like petting a cute animal!

It was as Yuu was carefully swiping hair behind Deuce’s ear to make sure none of the dye got into his eyes that he noticed something strange. He paused for just a second, and then trailed a finger behind Deuce’s other ear to confirm that it wasn’t just some really weird male pattern baldness.

But, no. There was a patch of hair behind his right ear that was simply… nonexistent.

“Yuu?” Ace asked.

He leaned over Deuce to get a better look.

Only to flinch when his eyes landed on a tattoo.

It was nice, he supposed. It was small, and easy to hide, probably because of Deuce’s age. And the pair of roses, strung together by a single, thorn-covered vine, were pretty.

But it wasn’t the tattoo’s appearance that had drawn Yuu’s attention. No, it was the fact that Deuce had a tattoo at all.

He poked Ace in the side.

“I’m looking, I’m looking –.”

Ace’s eyes blew wide.

Deuce’s eyelids fluttered a few times before he finally managed to open them.

“Mm?” he… ‘said’ really isn’t the word to describe that sound. 'Hummed', maybe, if you were being generous.

“Deuce, is there any chance you’re secretly American and Yuu’s weird hatred of Americans has made it hard for you to come forward?”

Deuce just looked confused.

“My hatred for them is not weird,” Yuu grumbled.

“Yeah, what’d they do to you?”

“What didn’t they do?”

Ace opened his mouth, and then shook his head. “Deuce, when were you going to tell us you were in the yakuza?”

Deuce blinked. “I already did?”

Ace and Yuu looked at each other to confirm that they weren’t insane and they really had not been told.

“... saying you ‘fell in with the wrong crowd’ or whatever does not cover being a damn yakuza member.”

Deuce flushed. “Is it my fault you didn’t understand me?!”

“Yes,” Ace and Yuu chorused.

“No,” Deuce continued on, as if they didn’t exist. “I was very clear.”

He had not, in fact, been clear. But go off.

“Is… is it a problem?” Deuce asked.

There was a beat.

“I mean…” Ace said. “I guess it wouldn’t be bad to have someone with experience on the team.”

“It’s kinda cool,” Yuu decided. “And you’re still way less dangerous than Ace, so. Eh.”

“Excuse me?” Deuce asked. “I could beat Ace in a fight!”

“Uh, no, I’ve already beat your ass before and I could do it again.”

“That first day didn’t count! You had the element of surprise!”

“That’s a valid strategy!”

And then Ace dumped some water over Deuce’s head before the boy could come up with a retort. Perhaps to prove that the element of surprise works.

Deuce spluttered, dye spilling down in inky black trails.

Well, looks like it’s time to wash the dye out…

~

They had managed to change Deuce’s hair color, but at what cost?

Their clothes.

Yuu frowned down at the black speckling his outfit, silently wondering if the bleach would seep through and, like, kill him while he slept or something.

“New clothes time…” Yuu said.

“Aw…” Deuce said, hanging his head. “Ace’s varsity jacket… noooooooo.”

“Maybe we’ll find another one for him,” Yuu said, patting Deuce on the shoulder.

“Why are you guys more torn up about this shit than I am?” Ace asked.

“Your brand,” Yuu said, forlornly.

Ace seemed to give up on them.

For all of five seconds. Because Deuce grabbed the hand Yuu had been using to console him and dragged Yuu into his chest so harshly that the both of them hit the floor.

Which was, apparently, Deuce's plan all along.

“I’m tired, we can do clothes stuff in the morning,” said Deuce.

And, of course, Ace wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of being left to deal with the night's chill on his own, so he rushed to join their little cuddle pile.

~

It wasn’t long before they’d chosen new clothes once again.

Against all odds, Ace really had found himself another varsity jacket. The shade of red was a little bit brighter than the first had been but otherwise it was pretty much the same. Sweet!

Deuce had picked out another blue jacket.

Hm. Were their clothes choices getting predictable?

Yuu tried to pick out a red turtleneck sweater – “for Christmas, it’s one of the colors, right?” he’d tried to argue when Deuce complained, only for his reasoning to fall on deaf ears – but a blue hoodie was shoved over his head within the minute.

Which, of course, made Ace complain. Truly, there was no winning.

Yuu had ended up wearing the sweater under the hoodie, because that shut both of them up. And, really, that was all he cared about.

Well, that and the cold. He grabbed some mittens, too. Winter was upon them, Yuu expected to see snow within the month, and they were doing a lot of traveling. Keeping warm was important. It’d be kind of lame to die of hypothermia in the apocalypse.

Deuce snapped his fingers. “That’s a good idea,” he said. And then grabbed a set of gloves for himself, ensuring that he would never be able to snap his fingers again.

Ace, on the other hand… picked up a set of fingerless gloves.

Yuu snickered. “You look like…”

How do you say ‘a fuckboy’ in a family-friendly way? Hm. What a dilemma.

“A thief in a fantasy movie,” offered Deuce.

“Aw, you guys really think so?” Ace said, grinning.

“That wasn’t a compliment,” Yuu said. “You’re going to die of scurvy.”

Ace smiled, dropping to sit next to Yuu and leaning heavily against his side, batting his eyelashes. “You wouldn’t let that happen.”

“I don’t think Yuu has any control over the Scurvy Gods,” Deuce deadpanned.

Yuu thought about it. “I mean… I kind of do. I guess. Since I cook for us.”

Deuce just looked confused. It occurred to Yuu that he probably didn’t know what scurvy was. But he didn’t feel like explaining it right now.

No, he would much rather continue to poke fun at Ace’s silly little fashion choices:

“Those things look uncomfortable as heck.”

Ace huffed, hugging his newly-gloved hands to his chest. “I need my fingers free to hold my knives properly. It’s not a comfort thing.”

Yuu gave him a flat look. “I know it’s not. It’s a style thing.”

“Nonono, listen. They’re all…” Ace hesitated, looking for the right word. Unfortunately, he didn’t find it. “... grip-y?”

Yuu’s nose scrunched up. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” Ace said, seeming to be genuinely confused. Though he looked faintly amused, as well, at Yuu’s discomfort.

“Uh… internet ruins everything.”

Now Deuce was grinning, too. “Well, now you have to tell us.”

Yuu’s self-imposed restrictions on his speech would not allow him to explain, even if he wanted to. And he did not want to.

“Ace, there’s a baby here,” Yuu chided instead of admitting that he was too embarrassed to say.

Ace raised an eyebrow. “And the baby is?”

“Deuce-chan.”

“Oh, of course,” Ace said.

Yuu got to smirk for all of five seconds before he was dragged into a headlock.

~

The three teens stared at the snow outside of the window.

Utsunomiya didn’t get too much snow, just a few centimeters a year, usually not even enough to reach past his ankles. It wouldn’t be that much of an inconvenience, apocalypse-wise.

Still, the three teens sat in silence, watching the first few snowflakes dissolve on the asphalt. It was cold enough to snow, but apparently not enough for anything to stick.

“I didn’t think I’d ever get to see snow again,” Ace said, eventually.

Deuce hugged his knees to his chest. “I miss my mom’s hot chocolate.”

Yuu watched the snowfall. It usually came around… early December, right? Maybe mid-December.

“I wonder when Christmas is,” he murmured.

“Doesn’t matter, does it?” Ace said. “It’s not like you’re dating anyone.”

Christmas, for Japanese people, was a romantic holiday. Not really something you spend with family. But…

“I dunno,” Yuu said. “I’ve kinda always wanted to know what it was like.”

(They weren’t likely to have another chance. Unless reincarnation was real. In which case, Yuu hoped that the world they were reborn into was kind enough to allow them to be together. But, since there was no way to be sure that he would get a second chance at life in a way that wasn't related to zombies, he wasn’t intent on testing out the theory anytime soon.)

“... well, we’re traveling a lot, and it’s not like we have much to do,” Deuce said, after a moment’s thought. “We might as well pick up some things for each other.”

Ace grinned. “You guys’ presents better be good. And don’t get me a knife! You have to think about it!”

“You’re asking a lot of us,” Yuu said, cracking a grin.

“Too much, really,” said Deuce.

“And don’t act like you wouldn’t like a cool, shiny, new knife –!”

[high-on-the-dying-sun]

London After Midnight CKY crew x Fem!reader

Warnings: bit of "suggestive" mentions of adult content and grass AKA weed

INBOX OPEN FOR REQUEST

Words: 1,215

London was quite a beautiful place. It was large with beautiful architecture. But of course you and the boys were destined to destroy it.

You, Bam, Ryan, Dico, Rabb and Rake all were shacked up in a small cheap rundown cottage. Bam stood by an open window with some type of melon in his hands. “Dude! What are you doing?” Ryan asked, “waiting for a victim.” Bam Declared. Isn't that just nice. “Oh dude look somebody's coming drop it! Drop It!” Dico edged on and right as the person walked under the window Bam dropped the Melon. And you only made it close enough to the window in time to see the aftermath of it. The person underneath freaked out and was cursing out Bam and Dico. “Man we have been here for not even a day! Don't get us kicked out of the goddamn country!” Ryan screamed at Bam. This week is going to be killer.

Midnight. You all decided to go out to a bar, well “pub” as the Londoners called it. But thanks to Dico doing his mocking accent you were all thrown out rather violently. But that's not going to stop any of you.

Bam was on his skateboard doing tricks as we followed his lead. It was painfully late in the morning now and chaos had just begun to brew. You all shortly arrived at a new hotel because someone - Bam to be exact got you all kicked out of the last. You can only wonder how long this one would last. And guessing by the current events maybe 12 hours at the most.

You and Bam were now skating in the hotel's hallways looking for Rabbs' room. You two had come up with a plan to prank every one. Finding his room you slowly opened his door. Rabb was curled into a ball snuggling up to his pillows holding onto it as if it was a person. Damn, that's sad - relatable but sad. Bam made his way into the bathroom and scooped up a cup of toilet water. you stood by with the camera in your hands. “Dude, the water had piss in it! This is gonna be great!” “This is going to be gross.” you corrected “you filmin?” Bam whispered; you nodded at him. “I'm Bam and this is the potty mouth.” “the potty mouth?” “It's a working title!” Bam explained “anyway - I'm Bam and this is the potty mouth!  he whispered, he crouched down to Rabb slowly opening his mouth and dumping the cup into his mouth. Rabb awoke with a gasp inhaling the piss water.  you and Bam jumped up into the air with laughter “What the fuck?” Rabb Coughed out as you and Bam ran down the hall to Dico’s room. 

You and Bam had a rather helpful prank for Dico in your eyes. you see Dico has started balding at a rather young age. So you and Bam thought you would help him out a bit. “Bam take the camera.” you directed. Bam took the camera away from you and silently you walked into the room's kitchen and found a pair of scissors; walking back to Bam and Dico as Bam was getting close up shots of Dico’s sleeping face and balding head. Slowly you kneeled down next to the both of them and Bam pointed the camera at you. “Hi, I'm Y/N and this is midnight barbers.” You announced and started to clip Dico’s hair and Bam put out his hand to grab  it and put it into a small plastic bag that smelled faintly of weed. “Oh yeah this is fantastic!” Bam exclaimed 

After cutting Dico’s hair and learning that he was a surprisingly heavily sleeper it was off to Ryan's room for the both of you, but that needed to wait. You went back to your room and grabbed some tape and some green hair dye. “Y/N let's get this show on the road!” Bam yelled, shoving the camera in your face. “alright!” you told him and walked away but turned around suddenly and hit Bam in the stomach. “Ow, you bitch!” he said, doubling over in pain as you laugh. “That's pay back.” “for what?” “you know what.” you informed.

After fighting with Bam for a few minutes that left you with a soon to be an absolutely haggard bruise on your thigh in the next few hours. You two finally got to Ryan's room. You took the camera from Bam to film him. He took the bag of Dico’s hair out of his back pocket. “Im Bam and this is mustachio.” he said as you passed him the tape. He got down on his knees and pulled out a few strands of Dico’s hair, putting tape on it and sticking it onto Ryan's face. Ryan twitched a few times that made both you and Bam jump. Finally yall had Ryans face covered to make it look like he had a beard. “That looks horrible.” you say to Bam:  it's not that Ryan looks bad with a beard it was the fact that Ryan's hair was blond and Dico’s hair was almost black. “It could be worse, it could always be worse.” Bam said, turning on his heel and walking away eager to get to your last victim.

“Hey, do you got gloves for this?” Bam asked as you were  walking to Rake's room. “Absolutely not and you're doing it. I'm not turning into the wicked witch of the west today. “ you retorted. 

Finally you got to Rake’s room. He’d gotten a room at the other side of the hotel. He was probably trying to get away from everybody's hijinks. But it was Bam there was no escaping him. The only way you got out of it was to help him. Once you got into the door you didn’t find Rake in bed but on the couch sleeping sitting up. “Perfect, he's just in the position I want him in.” Bam whispers, putting the camera on the table. “That sounds gay.” you committed but he just ignored it. “I'm Bam and this is the mad scientist” you rolled your eyes at that. Given the fact Rake hangs out with you and the Jackass guys it was common to forget that he was an actual scientist. Bam took out the electric green hair dye and started to coat Rake’s hair in it. It was mostly patchy and uneven. But it's gonna be great in the end. “Wait Bam how are we going to wash this out?” you asked as Bam got up and whipped his hands on his pants. “That is not are problem anymore; Y/N look! It looks like I fisted a goblin!” He said, shoving his hands into your face. 

It was around 4 in the morning now. You and Bam were sharing a room so you two could come up with your plans. You were laying down comfortably now nursing a warm beer you found laying around the room. Without warning Bam came running out of the shower and  jumped up onto the bed making you spill the beer “Bam!” you yelled all he did was smile. “Thanks for helping tonight.” Bam said, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you into a side hug.

[popculturebuffet]

Batmarch: The Secret Origin of Batman's Trophys (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Batmarch, or celebrations of all things that go bump in the dark knight

Today we've got a special treat... and i'm not just talking the nice art Kev had comissioned! Looks really good and I really appcirated it. Thank you KEv and thank you Alan Patreon. It was a nice suprise gift.

As for what this is about, this was a fantastic idea Kev cooked up: the batcave is one of the coolest hero bases in all of fiction. The layout is never 100% consitant across media but your usually guaranteed a batmobile, a big ass computer at the center, water falls, and over time a display for various costumes from past sidekicks, alternate outfits etc.

What really spruces the place up are three distinct decorations that we almost always see in the comics and ocasionally in other media, if not live action since these bitches would be expensive to make: A giant dinosaur, a big ole penny, and a giant playing card of a joker. These three are staples of the bat cave, to the point when the original was caved in during the earthquakes that ravaged gotham in the build up to no man's land, Bruce made a point of fishing them out for the new cave he built after that traumatic year.

Yet most of us.... have no idea where he got these wonderful toys. Even I didn't. The Joker Card comes from an obvious grinning source, but what CASE did it come from? Where did he get that dinosaur? What was someone using that giant Penny for? It's a question i've asked once or twice but never looked into. Kevin did though, and while the through and lovely DC wiki helped him find each one, he went the extra mile, asking for a review. And I was entirely on board with this comission as I just.. never had those answers and I doubt i'm the only one whose wondered what the context for these things were. So today we're looking at three disntinct golden age batman stories, at a time when goofy nonsense reigned supreme, logic was optional, and weird shit like this was just another day in the batcave. IN other words, this is going to be a LOT of fun so join me under the cut as we look at gambling themed death traps, penny obessed gangsters and batman being hunted by the most dangerous game: mechanical dinosaurs.

The Giant Joker Playing Card:

(from Batman #44)

I love these old titles, such flair and cheese. It's incredible.

Anyways this one starts because Joker decides to hit an off the books casnio after his win. Luckily for them, he just wants to play which feels entirely like a joker move: instead of robbing an easy target that can't call the cops and that the mafia presumibly running it would be stupid to retaliate on, he decides "fuck it let's try this whole gambling thing men, sounds like a hoot and a half".

And sure enough.. it goes really well. He spends what's implied to be the whole night just winning and winning until he cleans house. This being the joker this gambling bug can only end one way

I just.. love everything about this. Joker just had fun at a casnio and turned it into a death trap. It's such a brilliant setup.. and one that while nicely goofy, is also well done: it fits the joker's unpredictablity to just go a gamblin and it fits him just as much to turn a new hobby into a death trap. I also love Lewis' reaction calling it SUPERGAMBLING., like he's some gambling expert and most dangerous game shit is a type of gambling.. which given we're in the dc universe, you probably DO need a name for this kind of thing in the crime world.

So he set shte perfect trap: he has a random balding middle aged man tell the two he has info on a recent raidum theft, raidum a hospital badly needs. To save the presumed orphans about to die without eating their radium, Batman and Robin go to a sketchy island with one house perched on a hill

The World's Greatest Detective.. sees NOTHING wrong with this and goes ahead and gets caught in the most devious trap imaginable.

Several head injuries later, our heroes wake and joker reveals the radium theives, who he captured for this scheme but have kept the radium's location to themselves. This is by deisgn: the joker wants the two and their "radium screts" as the ante here, along with Robin to make sure Batman does this. Batman repedately states "I don't gamble' as if logic suddenly works on the clown man who set up a gambling death trap, so Joker reveals if Batman won't play his three supergambling games, he'll just kill the hostages. Batman reluctantly agrees,

Game 1 is super pinball.

But when Batman proves to be an expert at the snes Joker goes with plan b.. his giant pinball table of death. Sorry his giant SUPER pinball table of death.

As you can see the same joker face from the card is here and you see it all over his lable. it seemed to be Joker's logo back the. I love this whole setup and mostly show it not only because it' sdope but because those pins must've been what bumpers were. I also had no idea PInball used to be a gambling thing. Makes sense, it's just fun to find out.

The game goes well mostly though one of the guys nearly slams into a pin. Thankfully Robin is an expert gymnist and batman smartly saved laucnhing robin till the last minute and Dick's able to save the goon.

Game two is super rolling some dice, which apparently used to land on numbers. This yugioh style death game involves our bait being tied to polls on three of the numbers. If Batman guesses wrong, someone dies. Or maybe not since the board is pretty damn big. Not every death trap can be super murder pinball. Batman spots some mud on the dice though and correctly guesses they'll pivot. This is the weakest of the death traps here, a bit convolunted, not really guranteed to be as deadly. I know the chance of nothing happening is part of it.. but with pinball there's really almost no chance you won't hit the bumpers. Here it feels like pure luck or simple cheating that both dice flew at the joker.

Next game and the one that introduces our prop, though the dice apparently are also in the cave sometimes which I love. The game is a game of cards.. batman has to correctly guess which face matches the door Robin and the hostage goons are in or they'll choke to death on the deadly gas released inside.. and naturally he figures out it's the Joker card. It's too joker not to work.

Turns out though, naturally the joker isn't playing fair both having a final one on one game ofr him and Batman and having his goon go to get robin behind the joker card door... and Robin dispatches him hilaroiusly and awesomely

With that the hostages are free and the final death game begins. A giant super roulette wheel with both batman and joker getting in a slot. looser gets crushed alive. It's an awesome finale, and it fits joker to put himself at risk: after all he risks his life all the time why wouldn't he for such a fun gag?

Batman's able to get the wheel to turn fairly and then escape it, leading to a chase. THe Radium Theives agree to give themselves and the radium up but there's still the matter of the joker and we get a short but neat final chase as Joker uses the dice against the heroes then jumps off a cliff, gambling his life one last time.. and rightfully batman isn't betting on the joker having died.

Gamble With Doom is an excellent story. While the trophy we get out of it is only in it briefly the story itself is pure fun. It has some fun dated elements like Bruce's opinon gambling is EVILLLL and the old fashioned designs on the traps, but it's pure fun. The traps are clever, the tension palpable and the climax great. The gambling motif's really fit the joker and it adds up to an all time great joker story with a suprise impact. The Trophy Itslef. is barely in it but Robin DID break a guy's face with it so i'll say it was still cave worthy.

(From World's Finest #30)

The Penny Plunderer is a name I had heard but had no real context for. I assumed he was some goofy silver age villian with pennies for eyes who drove around chucking pennies at everyone.

I am an artiste.

Instead it's just a guy in a suit. He has the backstory of any good golden or silver age villian to justify his gimmick

I love.. everything about this backstory. It reads like if a writer was given the thought exercise "Make the pettiest batman villian origin you can find.". I mean other villians gimmicks make sense: Poison Ivy was a botonist, Mr Freeze had a horrible accident, the penguin was born looking like a penguin with a lot of money, the Joker fell into a vat of chemicals and came out a clwon, the riddler liked puzzles.

Here Joe just... got screwed over by pennies a lot. Even funnier is that the last one has nothing to do with pennies. Like.. even if it'd had nickels he'd still be arrested.

So Joe vows since pennies runied his life, he'l lbecome the penny! Sadly this does not mean him dressing up like a giant penny with a cane and top hat.. nad now I can't show you it that last drawing put me too far behind and... oh fuck it.

Instead he just wears a suit but makes his gimmick pennies. Commit to the bit man. I do get it as some golden age villians were just guy in a suit, even Joker and Penguin technically counts but one is a clown and the other is a rich penguin man. They have mor ethan just "suit and a vendetta against pennies that somehowturns into stockholm syndrome.

So the penny plunderer begins his reign of terror, setting up a penny arcade as a front, and cashing in a roll of pennies in the most diabolical scheme ever devised by man.

A true criminal mastermind.

Batman picks up on this pattern because it's what he does and finds his next case, a coin and stamp exibiton with a rare one cent stamp. It's here we meet the reason we're here: the giant penny!

Yeah to my shock the penny had NOTHING to do with the penny plunderer other than being at the site of one of his robberies. He prefered just.. chucking pennies at people.. which is awesome and a truly great tactic only topped by Batman's use of said giant penny

I adore the fact that this iconic artifact is there not because it was seized from the villians or a police options.. but because, presumibly, Bruce thought this penny he found was kick ass and bought it off it's actual owner.

Most of the theives escape but they find one willing to squeal. Unfortunatley he dies for his hubris

Yup bet you weren't expecting the penny guy to kill someone and to see his corpse weren't you but here you are. Also batman is apparently a cop now. George Lopez tried to warn us...

But we didn't listen! We didn't listen!

A fight breaks out at the gambling parlour and we get two of the best moments in batman history that much like the blue beetle film, ar ehighly underated.

I just.. I get the sense that is how batman ALWAYS plays pinball. Just judo kicks it every time even as bruce wayne. Both bruce wayne and batman have been banned from so many arcades.. often the same ones. Perks of having a secret identity. We then get coyne once again THROWING pennies at someone and it working. I don't know why he hasn't been brought back with the telkeentic ability to contorl pennies. Give him a copper helmet and a proper costume and oh dammit..

Then Joe knocks batman out iwth his one weakness: a roll of pennies. He's trapped them in the parlor for your standard batman death trap, having removed their belts and ripped out the phone lines as usual. He then throws them a few pennies when then prove to be a mistake as it's time for SCIENCE WITH DR. BATMAN, who uses one old penny, copper, and one new penny, zinc to make a battery. Good thing jimmy didn't wish it away THIS week.

The cops arrive to free one of hteir own and batman finds a clue once the parlor is cleared of gas. Turns out Coyne was catering a penny slot party for a rich billinoare's houseboat, and naturally their filled with gas. I swear it's always gas with these golden age villians. Get another knockout device fellas.

With that our final chase enses as Batman and robin chase Coyne and while he nearly bests them with a good game of 1940's donkey kong

He's foiled by his own gimmick: he has only pennies but the pay telephone.. dosen't.. take 5 seperate pennies for some reason? the hell? I get payphones not taking pennies once they went up to a quarter but come the fuck on 1940's payed telephones. he's foiled.. and sentenced to death.

Yes folks that's the cannoical till some lucky fellow brings him back fate of the penny plunderer: PUT TO DEATH.

This story is as you can tell nonsense that's only gotten more hilarious with the passage of time and I loved every page on it and on getting the panels for this review, I only found MORE hilaroius nonsense to laugh at. We have a story where a guy with a penny gimmick smacks batman with a roll of pennies, trips robin with more, kills a man without pennies, is foiled by pennies yet somehow dosen't actually use the giant penny that's the only reason people know he exists. It's beautiful bollocks and worth your time.

(From Batman #35)

As I hope you are, this issue had me hooked from the first panel: Batman vs dinosaurs being forced to fashion a bow and arrow for some reason. Yes... fuck. Yes. Also nice of bruce to eat Ollie's lunch.

Okay so this story starts, as many real life stories do, with a billionare having a zany idea; Mr. Hart is a man who puts on shows: ice follies, aqua carnival, 40's razzle dazzle type stuff. For his latest idea though he's going above and beyond: a DINOSAUR ISLAND. With mechancail dinosaurs and cavemen who throw giant sponges at you. Thankfully spongebob wasn't born yet but his great great grandpappys quarepants did the honors. Honorable old fool.

To ramp up the insanity, Mr Hart is inviting a club of big game hunters to eat mammoth steak with batman.

If that weren't enough, and in any other golden age story it might be... our heroes get CHALLENGED at dinner by one of the rich assholes. Yeah turns out rich assholes who hunt innocent animals for sport and eat reheated mammoth aren't the most stable indviduals and Mr. Breech scoofs at the fact Mr. Hart says Man is the most dangerous game. He's hunted man, they went down like cowards. COWARDS. He feels Batman couldn't hut a dinosaur without his gadgets, and certainly not his bare hands... even though as this issue with prove and has already shown early man had tools.

To prove his point he challenges batman to a fucking challenge: survive on Dinosaur Island: no utility belt, no vehicles. If the dinosaurs touch him he looses. Mr Breech will man the controls. Honestly i'm convinced Breech knew hart well enough to know he'd both agree to this for the publiclity and why he'd invite batman and robin and just wants to play iwth giant mechanical dinosaurs and also batman. Which granted if I were invited to this sort of thing i'd also want to chase batman with mechanical dinosaurs for fun, who wouldn't, so I totally get it and respect the game.

Hart is on board, offering 5000 to the winner's charity and Batman is like "Why the bat-fuck not. Let's go".

Now you might suspect Breech's real motive is trying to kill batman. I mean you have a setup where batman will be without his weapons, the plausable deniablity of a machine malfunction and a secluded island with 24 hours to kill the batman. And you'd shockingly be wrong. Breech really just wants to prove dinosaurs are the most dangerous game so when that Jurassic Park he's working on opens no one will object to him hunting them for sport.

But his plans are foiled by Chase, anothe rich knob who wants to kill batman and robin to, as he says later form a "crime combine". So he wants a bunch of middle aged guys drinking beers to yell at him for not training the joker on tackling well enough. I see.. well played.

So the game is afoot and our heroes take a bit to catch up, first brushing off a real rock among the sponge rocks as a mistake. Theis ends when a Triceratops to trismash them into a tree. Batman calls for a war council on a nearbye island but naturally THAT'S NO ISLAND

Batman fought a mechanical fucking seamonster. That.. that's cannon. To almost every batman timeline. God bless you Golden Age, god, bless, youuuu. Also i'd be stupid if I didn't say that Tally Ho, Batman! is one of the greatest phrases in batman history up there with "I Am the night" , "I'm batman" and "Something something joker's boner".

So now the games for their lives, Batman and Robin don't have to play fair and start fashioning bows, arrows and knives out of mechanical dinosaur bones. You know.. sometimes this job can be draining: 2-3 reviews a week, many a plan having to be delayed due to a review taking longer than expected.. but then you get a review where Batman and robin have to outrun a manical billinoare who hyjacked dinosaurs from a diffrnet billionare who was having a charity dinosaur hunt with batman and robin using a third billionare's dinosaur, while fashoining weapons from mechanical dinosaur corpses and fashion a kite from a mechanical ptreadon and remember why you love reviewing stuff so mucH: sharinng a good story with the world and finding a good one or two yourself while your at it. And thanks to Kev i've found three truly wonderful, truly bonkers batman stories, with this one being the easy winner. It's both a decent enough concept for the time and hilariously insane.

And I ddin't make up the kite thing: when, after a night of survivial, Robin brings up the batplane, Batman has an idea: since the flying dinosaurs are on a programmed pattren rather than directly controled, they can use them to make themselves a kite yor style.

So to win the day Batman has a plan: he uses himself as bait since Robin's the more agile of the two, and has robin CATAPULT HIMSELF into the air after chase, who is riding on t-rex back with an army of dinosaurs.. and how does he defeat chase' smighty dino army?

It's both genuinely clever and wonderfully bonkers: Robin defeats an evil billionare RIDING a mechanical t-rex.. with water balloons.

Also props to this story: in the previous two the trophy was impressive.. but it was taken from what felt like a minor point in the story: the card flip game was fun as was batman slammin ga door on a guy, but it's sandwitched between far more elaborate death traps, while the penny, again awesome, wasn't even something the penny plunderer used. Batman just bought it off some offscreen character to relive fond memoreies of crushign some crimianls alive with it. Here the main villian ROAD IN on the thing. Granted he still had to likely buy it off his actual owner, but this time at least a criminal actually used it as a murder weapon. I can see Batman wanting this thing for his cave.

Batman chases chase over the now still dinosaurs and punches the guy out. With this Batman's saved the day AND won the bet. 5000 for batmobiles for kids, donate your batmobile today!

As for chase...

With that our story and this trilogy comes to an end.. and as I said, it's great. check out all three of these issues their a lot of fun. Next time dc puts some up for sale I may have to get some 40's batman, this stuff is golden.

Thanks for reading

To conclude batman month: Wait'll you get a load of this

[whatyourusherthinks]

My Adventures With Superman Review Wrap Up

Final Summation

Roan, skip it. We know you think this show is good. You only spent god knows how many paragraphs gushing about every single detail in every single episode, and the only things you complained about were things only people obsessed with Superman would complain about. I now know more about you're opinions on a fictional flying man than I know about my wife's political affiliation. You obviously recommend the show, what more do you even have to say? ...Buggnutz, you make an excellent point. So let's move on to...

Episode Rankings

Season One is in red while Season Two is in blue pppbbblllttt...

Olsen's Eleven

My Adventures With Supergirl

My Adventures With Mad Science

The Death of Clark Kent

Two Lanes Diverge

The Machine Who Would Be Empire

You Will Believe a Man Can Lie

Pierce the Heavens, Superman!

Zero Day: Part Two

Full Metal Scientist

Zero Day: Part One

Kiss Kiss Fall In Portal

Let's Go To Ivo Tower, You Say

Hearts of the Fathers

Adventures With My Girlfriend

Adventures of a Normal Man Pt. 2

Adventures of a Normal Man Pt. 1

More Things in Heaven and Earth

My Interview With Superman

Most Eligible Superman (This placement is all your fault Cat Grant)

What I Want From And For Future Episodes

BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING BUGGNUTZ I know this is selfish. I know that this isn't the purpose of reviews, I know that creators shouldn't be hamstrung by the wishes of fans and should do what's best for the story they are making, and I know that just because I'm a big fan doesn't mean that I deserve to have my voice heard in the creative process. I know all of this. But I had some ideas/wishes for things I'd like to see in future episodes and maybe the readers will agree and the creators will take inspiration from. I just wanna have fun and excise some ideas from my head. Okay, anything you want to add? ...You're a massive nerd.

Anyway, the first this I want is for the show to have

Massive. Nerd. Yeah I know. Actually, I don't want a movie necessarily, I actually just want 10+ seasons or however many the creators want. I feel like so many shows that are beloved are cancelled before the creators are ready to end them, and I really don't like it. This is just hoping everyone gets a fair shake in working on this show and telling the story they want to tell.

Second thing: Lex needs to start wearing more green. Oh god, really? Yes! He is a green villain, he should at least accent his clothes with the color! The guy wears green mech suits and has a green trench coat for Rao's sake! Yes, true, he doesn't ALWAYS wear green in the comics, but it's the color most associated with him. I guess they didn't make Alex wear so much green because they wanted the twist to not be more obvious than it was, but he's been revealed now. Seriously, I want this more than I want him to go bald. Why does Lois Lane wear more green than Lex Fucking Luthor? Actually, y'know what would be a funny way to do it? If Lex steals Lois's coat and just starts wearing it to be a petty bitch. That not only would be incredibly funny, but it would perfectly in character with the version they've presented for the show. AND SPEAKING OF DUMB ASS COSTUME CHANGES.

Third, give Clark his shorts back and Ma also makes a skirt for Kara. I am not ride or die on all super heroes having the "underwear on the outside". Batman looks fine without the black shorts, so does Wolverine without the blue, the Fantastic Four, and whoever else got that costume change. That is, except for Superman. Superman needs the red shorts for his costume. His design just isn't complete without it. Not only does it break the main blue coloring of his costume in a way that looks so much better than the quasi-belt every did, but the illusion to circus strongmen is something I think is essential to the character. And if you do it for Clark, you should absolutely do it for Kara. I was so excited in the second episode when Ma makes additions to Clark's costume, but now with the new costumes at the end of the second season, it just feels like fanservice inclusion that the writers forgot about. Well it wasn't to me, and it should be brought back. You don't even have to change anything else about the design. I've seen some artists draw mock-ups of the new costume with the shorts/skirt added, and it looks great. If the first scene of the third season isn't Clark and Kara standing awkwardly at the farm while Ma takes their measurements for additions to their costumes, I might actually throw something at the screen. Calm down dingus. NO THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Fourth thing, since the Newskid Legion are a major supporting characters, I want an episode with the Guardian. Hell, Cadmus was also introduced in the first season, and how badass would it be if Monsieur Mallah and the Brain met the Newskid Legion? I can totally see Mallah getting concerned about these kids getting into dangerous Superman situations by themselves and coming to the conclusion that what they need is a genetically modified clone to hang around and protect them. Besides, this is probably the closest we could get to having one of the best versions of Superman teaming up with Captain America (who also happens to be one of my favorite superheroes), and that would be awesome. Unlike my other wishes here though, I don't really need the Guardian to be a reoccurring character, I guess, I dunno I would like it but if they just wanted to make him a one-off that's fine too. But it would be awesome.

My fifth thing, and honestly I'm surprised I want this, is I want Krypto and Streaky to make an appearance. See, here's the thing with all the Kryptonians in the comics. It diminishes Clark's status as the last Kryptonian if every other decade they introduce more of them. The comics pull this a lot, and it honestly is kinda dumb. MAWS right now has only Clark and Kara, and they hammer it in the second season that there is not a single other Kryptonian left and that they just have each other. I'd bet dollars over donuts that Zod and his posse will show up if the series continues past season three, so do we really want to just keep saying "Oh... uh... more rockets left Krypton or that other Krytonians were just off planet." or whatever? Not really. But Superboy is getting introduced next season. And it's clearly supposed to be Conner Kent (or Kon-El), the clone made from Clark and Lex's DNA. He's even got the leather jacket and the shades like from the 90s comics, I can't wait to see what they do with him. So here's my proposal. Lex has to test his cloning experiments, and before he moves on to attempting to clone a human, he tries to clone a dog and a cat. And that dog and cat happen to have superpowers just like Superman. The writers could even be cute about it and have a horse and a monkey be previous attempts too. And then at the end of that episode Clark gets a puppy and Kara gets a cat. You can probably already see the potential. This Clark would be adorable with a dog, and there is such an easy b-plot to have Jimmy or Lois or whoever have to pet sit for Kara and deal with an asshole cat with super powers. Yeah you could stick with the comic's origin for Streaky and expand that to Krypto, but that would involve expanding Kryptonite to including a bunch of different types and that's another kinda stupid thing the comics do. Also, if Lex is cloning Superman, Bizarro better show up. I'm dead fucking serious. (Actually how funny would it be if all of next season is just Lex making a bunch of superman clones in various to try to kill him and they all go out of control in various ways. You already got Hank Henshaw as a pre-existing character who already hates Superman. This could be like Reign of Supermen but with the intention of killing Superman before replacing him.)

Sixth, and hear me out on this one. I already mentioned Conner Kent/Kon-El Superboy will make an appearance next season. Outside of the comics, most people know this Superboy from Young Justice, and in that show he is dating (or was, I stopped watching after the second season) Miss Martian. But, she's kinda got her own baggage that would be a bit to hard to bring into a show that's exclusively based in the Superman mythos, so here's my pitch instead. After Superboy eventually gets redeemed and joins Clark and the team, he should meet and fall in love with... Martian Manhunter HEAR ME OUT! Out of every DC hero that I would consider to be their own property (i.e. not other Superpeople like Supergirl or Steel) Martian Manhunter is probably the easiest to incorporate into the show. The comics and other animated properties constantly draw parallels between J'onn's and Clark's situation, and there is so many interesting directions you could take this in this particular show. Clark's constant emotional journey is about acceptance on his adopted planet and while Kara being around is great and I'm sure we'll get some great drama and introspection from both characters in the next season, he still considers earth his home. He doesn't remember anything from planet of origin. J'onn does. That's always been a point of contention between the two and it leads to some really interesting drama if the right writers utilize it. Can't you totally see a Clark who, in future seasons, feels more secure in his place on Earth having to help a new alien with a similar but way worse situation with the same problems he had at the beginning of the show? Now I can hear what you're saying... Martian Manhunter has always been a fairly asexual character, and a major part of his backstory is that he has PTSD about his wife and kid. Thank you Buggnutz, and you're right! But MAWS changes every character to fit better with the storyline, and I think the changes are always for the better. So do the same with J'onn. Age him down. Instead of him being rescued as an middle aged adult by a random scientist who then dies immediately, maybe this is teenager or young adult J'onn is accidently rescued by Star Labs, or the Brain and Mallah, or Lex Luthor, or whoever, and his PTSD comes from losing his parents instead of his wife and kid. You can still keep his personality the same, just adjust the anime knob a tad. Everyone already lost their minds with twunk Slade Wilson, can you imagine the pop-off for emo twink J'onn J'onzz? And then he can meet Conner and they can have a meet cute and it can be the new relationship to hope for after Kara and Jimmy inevitably hook up. Plus, DC already changes the sexuality of pre-existing characters, including Superboy (kinda sorta), in the comics so this wouldn't be the first time they've done something like this. And while the show is already a huge diversity win in general, if it's raining why not let it pour hm? This is the only outside hero I want added to the show by the way. No Batman, no Wonder Woman, none of that. Keep it to obscure easter eggs and references. Let the Superman show be about Superman please.

And for sure don't bring in the Doom Patrol. Or, at least, not every member of the Doom Patrol. Who the hell are the Doom Patrol? They are my favorite superhero team. They've changed a lot over the years, but the basic gist is that they are a team of regular people who got into horrible accidents which gave them powers, but also made them freaks in the eyes of society. They've been everything from black ops earth defenders to psychedelic dimensional travellers. Heck, their most recent series makes them a metahuman government support network. The reason I bring them up is that the Brain and Mallah are frequent enemies of the Doom Patrol, so if they were to bring them into the show, they'd probably make them enemies of the crew. I don't wanna see my boy Robotman be evil, aight? However, there is one member of the Doom Patrol that could possibly work as a one-shot antagonist, if they really wanted to do it. That is the Doom Patrol typical defacto leader, the Chief. Nile Caulder, a.k.a. the Chief, is a super smart guy in a wheelchair. Yeah that's it. His big thing in the comics is he usually engineers the accidents that give the various members of the Doom Patrol their powers, as a sort of sociopathic experiment. So he's already evil, canonically. It would be an easy thing to turn into "oh he's a scientist for Task Force X and he specifically wants Brain and Mallah because history or maybe ego" but eh... They're is probably too much history in the comics for it to fit. I'm just asking that the writers not make the Doom Patrol evil.

One final thing... Darkseid is gonna show up eventually, right? There was the lasers in flashback during 'More Things in Heaven and Earth', so there has to be plans way down the line for the New Gods. Right? Well if they do, I hope for two things. One) Mister Miracle is involved somehow. Even if it is in a limited capacity, I'd just want to see him. Mister Miracle is awesome. And two) Only give us sparing glimpses of the big man, at least until the finale of his storyline. Here's the thing, Darkseid is a big deal. He's literally the god of everything evil, and a character like that loses his gravatas if you keep bringing him back. So save him for like the final fight. Which isn't to say never show him or mention him. Darkseid is a force of evil, he has armies of minions on his literal beck and call, and Desaad is just his hype man. Darkseid shouldn't tussle with wannabe heroes unless they attack him first. Darkseid is greater than these lesser being. Darkseid is Omega. Omega is Antilife! ANTILIFE IS DARKSEID! DARKSEID IS-

[meherya]

Let's talk about The Brothers Sun :)

I think, my number one gripe with this show was that, I could see the potential... there were scenes where you could see the insane shit this show could have pulled off if it was written by literally ANYONE else

The first thing that really made me go 🤨 watching this show was the incessant references to #diasporaasiankidtingz.. I'd understand if it was here or there as some sort of comedy relief... But no it was literally every other scene if not every scene....

From a cop adjacent character eating buldak noodles at an active crime scene, to teaching a Taiwanese gangster the hidden asian mom language... it was just so... stupid? Is the only way I could describe it, it's like someone compiled a number of posts from Facebook's Subtle Asian Traits page and structured the story and dialogue around that? Thought it was kind of funny that they remembered "Asian" doesn't just mean East Asian when they threw in random brown girl from the morgue...

Actingwise, Justin Chien is by no means a bad actor, every scene where he speaks in mandarin his acting is a lot less wooden than when his dialogue is english and I genuinely believe it's because of the rigid way they wrote his lines in english... as for everyone else.... Sam Song Li was rlly putting his whole bussy into his americanized first gen immigrant kid schtick and like whatever...

I found the concept of this top Triad guy coming to LA to look after his mom and brother after an assassination attempt on their father to be intriguing... his mom was as cool as I expected (her own fight scene... ofc she should've been head bitch in charge!!!) but ofc his brother would be a whitewashed loser!! But you know, it could've worked!!! It could've been interesting if they didn't have Bruce emulating Marvel movie comedy all the fucking time... But if you think about it too hard you might go, why would the son/best fighter of this Triad leave the whole business behind to look after his mom/brother and not take back up with him?? Some math was simply not mathing... but we move on

There's just a lot of points that don't make sense plotwise? Like oh so now this random cop girl is actually childhood besties with Charles?... And the way they try to force some semblance of chemistry between the two with them hamfisting by them just going back and forth like "remember when-"... and their flirting was gag worthy bc they had her speaking huskily for no reason?? It was really lifeless sort of interactions and they were really trying for the star crossed lovers bit but it simply did not work sorry.... It was kind of fucked because the tension between Drowsy and Charles in like 1/4 of an episode was 10 times whatever the cop girl and Charles had going on.... Though I do appreciate it how the show does go "once a rat, always a rat" bc she really fucked that man just to get a bust on him like woah!!! Of all my grievances with that lacklustre romance I do appreciate them not being together and her being loner loser at the end.

But anyways... I think the show did decent job at showing how trying to live up to a parent's expectations can break you as a person and force you into a role you dgaf about, and how it's important to also put your needs first before you become a shell of a person... But also they could have done it without being corny as fuck...

I think the plot with this underdog group of anti-Triads would have been soo good, if it was integrated better? Also Grace randomly approaching Bruce like we all knew she was gonna be a traitor... And like!! She wasn't wrong!! Their group was wasn't wrong!!! Why should the Triads exist when all they do is profit off others misery??? Like we are supposed to cheer on the Triads why? Because that's who we follow largely, and because of Bruce's bitchass.... He pissed me off soo bad by the end it's not even funny...

Think the show could have had merit if Bruce decided to join Grace after seeing old bald dude get killed, and realizing how fucked his family is... Him snitching to a group of people who want to murder your family, claiming that was him trying to save his family from themselves.... And believing them when they say okay well we'll try not to kill them but no promises... How are you a pre-med when you're that stupid lol

I was gonna write paragraph of how I wanted to see this go and how they could have factored in Charles being ordered to kill Bruce (which was fucking insane by the way, my fave episode of the series) to be even more wild but like it's marketed as a comedy so whatever but man it was fucking corny as shit with random gaping plot holes that we really dont want to think too long and hard about .... I will say tho, kudos for not having white people in this as love interests or sidekicks so!!!! So 2/5

also curious what Taiwanese ppl think about that scene where Bruce just calls Charles Chinese... Ik Taiwan and China got some beef, idk the specifics of it but 👀

[0satellite0]

So i had this dream…and decided to sketch and write a fic about it lol

Danny was wearing this orange suit, Jack and Vlad were merged and Maddie was…chill? I didn’t draw it but Danielle was a baby lol.

Anyways the fic is pretty much the same as my dream, i didn’t change much.

————

When Dan had appeared upper-waist only through a portal and snatched Danny, he had been chilling with Sam and Tucker on his bed.

As soon as he glimpsed flaming white hair, Danny tugged at his core to transform. 'How did he escape the thermos?! Oh God, Dan probably wanted revenge and is going to lock me up, so he can kill my loved ones-“

With that thought, Danny couldn't help his shallow breathing and prickling eyes. Sam and Tucker's yells resounded as he was pulled through a portal, claws holding onto his stomach.

As soon as they were through the portal, Danny went intangible to get out of Dan's hold and flew away, back hitting a wall, eyes trained on Dan.

"Oh, dear...he's trembling, what did you do?!" Spoke a young, feminine voice. It sounded a bit like his mom, especially when scolding Fruitloop.

“Nothing, Mads!” Dan defended and- did Dan sound like he didn’t smoke 30 packs a day?

"???" Danny uttered, breathing audible.

"How in the butter biscuits did you make that sound?" Dan's eyes widened incredulously at him, brows furrowed.

'The Zone? When did Dan start saying 'butter biscuits'? Agh, Dan is other me and Vlad merged, whatever,'

"Listen, you're Invis-o-bill, right?" he woman spoke aga- yeah no thats his mom but also...not? Very Elequoent, Danny.

"I-", Danny took in a sharp breath, still eyeing Dan warily, "The press gave me that name. Phantom, actually,"

He hated how shaky he sounded. He defeated Dan, he can do it again. But...some things aren't adding up. He needed answers.

Dan looks different, and is wearing a tight shirt. The woman is real, he can hear her heartbeat. Yet, she precisely looks like his mom a few years ago.

"Sorry, Phantom. We need your help. Our daughter's gone missing," Not mom, replied with a soft tone.

"DAUGHTER?!" Danny shrieked, as his eyes widened, bouncing between Dan and Not mom. Oh God, is this the timeline you abandoned

(Not?) Dan shut his eyes as he rubbed his temple, "We're wasting time, Danielle is missing and I had to use the Fenton Location-Snatcher to grab you. We figured you could help us since I suck at my ghost powers,"

Yeah, no. That's not Dan. At least, not the one (thankfully) locked up in the thermos at Clockwork's tower. Dan spoke like Vlad i.e. like a rich bitch, and his eyes only conveyed the desire to see the world burn. This is an alternate dimension, then.

“Who are you?” Danny questioned albeit roughly.

“I’m Maddison Fenton,” Maddison cheerfully began, “And this…is…hm, we haven’t thought up of a name for you, huh?”

“I’m…Vlad? Jack? Vlack? Ugh, ignore the last one,” Jald, Danny decided.

Danny snorted, "Why not? Jald, Bald. If a strong breeze comes by, your hair would be put out, you would be bald, Jald,"

Maddison chortled behind her hand, Jald’s eyelid twitching in response.

“I’ll help you,” Danny floated closer to Maddison, “i’m not from this dimension, by the way,” he said offhandedly.

Getting closer was a mistake, as Maddison grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, “The Fenton Location-Snatcher can do that?!”

Danny leaned back, “Yeah, if it’s the same one as mine, which I destroyed for good reason,”

A lout boom! resounded, shaking the room. Jald and Maddie made eye contact as they let out a loud "DANIELLE!"

Danny grabbed them both, turning intangible to fly towards the sound.

When Nasty Burger came into view, Danny glanced briefly at Jald. He faltered slightly but shook his head and kept going.

Maddison gasped as she pointed at the ground, "There she is! She's gotten control of the condiments!"

Jald shook his head, "Thats why people were covered in red, yellow and that weird beige,"

Danny landed the three as they dodged flying splatters. As soon as they touched down, he brought up a weak ecto-shield over them.

"Neat," Jald commented with an unreadable expression.

"Danielle!" Maddison cried out in relief as a...baby? came into view?

Danny blinked in slight fear as his shield began to crack, how strong was this literal baby?!

"Shield's gonna break," Danny warned, "Can you get her to stop her battalion of condiments?"

“Danielle, look here!” Maddison cooed. It got baby Danielle to stop momentarily and search for her. Jald went intangible through the shield and snatched her.

“Surrogate ghost children will be fun, they lied. Give it a try, you won’t get attached and can give ‘em back, they lied,” Jald muttered in annoyance.

‘I should take pics, Elle would hate it when she sees them,’ Danny mused with a smirk.

He took down his shield, gazing around at the damage. Damn…if this is what baby Danielle did with condiments; what were his post-battles like?

Danny frowned as he caught his reflection in a broken window. Why is…his suit is black and orange like dad’s? His facial features are softer too…? What-?

———

Danny gasped as he sat upright in his bed. He threw the covers off and ran to his mirror, pulling at his core a bit too harshly as the rings washed over. He had to check…!

Danny sighed as his reflection stared back wearily.

Going invisible, he went intangible through the walls and reached his parents room.

He broke out another sigh of relief, just his mom and dad sleeping in their hazmat suits. There’s an OSHA violation or something with that…

Should he visit Clockwork and check the thermos? It was just a terrible nightmare but…

…Ugh, what did Jazz say about needing to check everything? That ‘He needs to be satisfied with partial confirmation, that is by proxy full confirmation’?

Whatever, he’ll just go back to sleep. He has school tomorrow.

Danny laid back, after de-transforming, gazing at the glow-in-the-dark stars. They’re accurate to the real constellations, thank you very much.

He slept soundly.

For a total of 10 seconds.

“Wake up, Space Cadet! It’s time for training at the academy! Wake up Space Cadet-“

————

I very much appreciate likes and will try my best to reply to comments, thank you for any reblogs as well! Ask box open to all ^_^

[crimsun-n-clover]

why are medical professionals all professional cunts

went to the cardiologist today for my probable POTS and was so close to just MAULING these bastards

first nurse was alright. respected my autism (bare fucking minimum) and warned me before doing things. immediately made a bad impression though because she walks in and goes “i’m gonna have to ask you to take your headphones off and be in the moment with me” and i said “too autistic for that” and she was cool with it. as if that fucking matters? even people who are just prone to anxiety shouldn’t be questioned for their sensory aids. it’s not about disrespect, but now it sure fuckin is. i don’t need to “be in the moment” with you. i’m listening. neither of us want to be here so don’t pull that shit and make it worse.

she leaves and in comes a new enemy

she’s this scrawny, balding west asian woman. she keeps doubting me and asking me to describe basic symptoms in ridiculous ways as if they don’t happen constantly daily. she kept insisting that i took lexapro as a beta blocker when i took it for depression. we had holter monitor test results and she says “whatever that is” girl. you are a nurse practitioner working under a cardiologist. i’m gonna fucking kill you. i’d react like a normal person to her incessant bullshit and she’s raise her voice and cut me off and talk down to me like i’m fucking crazy. i tell her that my therapist and psychiatrist think it’s POTS and my primary care doctor is a piece of shit who thinks i’m faking everything so he doesn’t count. and she goes “well they’re not doctors are they” in the bitchiest tone. NO? THATS WHY IM HERE. quit doubting me you rabid cunt.

if i weren’t me and heard someone describing my symptoms i’d be like “holy shit you’re dying” but nooo

third one comes in and he’s the actual cardiologist. the second bitch stands behind him guarding the door. it looked like a little kid calling for backup. anyway. this guy sucked significantly less but felt the need to describe that anxiety is normal and that ohhh it could be your thyroid or anemia

next person who says “thyroid” dies by my blade

i have blood labs that say all that shit is fine and i’ve been dealing with this for FIVE YEARS and now it’s getting bad enough that i’m collapsing. this isn’t my fucking thyroid. you’d think after FIVE YEARS of treatment and solutions and therapies and even a FUCKING WITCH DOCTOR someone would’ve figured out something was up with my thyroid. and they did and it’s FIXED NOW.

anyway. i now have a heart monitor strapped to my chest for the next month and i’m seeing the cunts again in six weeks. it’s not waterproof, just water resistant. i have to carry around a bigass android phone that’s connected to it to report when i feel symptoms. i can’t turn the brightness down.

because of the heart monitor i’m gonna have to stop doing at least half of my heathen shit.

they’re getting live reports and flags of cardiac activity so. i’d assume no sex, no caffeine (or at least not the 300 milligram miracle cure i usually take), nothing thrilling, whatever. just kill me at this point. that’s all i care about. who am i if i’m not high, getting off, or stealing shit??

just strap me to that fuckin tilt table and get the torture out of the way so i can rip this fuckin thing off of me ffs

[calypso-finale]

Hundred Twenty Nine.

Waiting for Chris to come out of the bathroom before I leave to go to this meal with Mel, but he is taking his sweet time in there, things since Rylee has left, things have been a little off with Chris, he didn’t see her go or anything. When him and Oakley spoke he disliked that he said he was removing Brown from the name and that Fenty will stay and even then when Chris tried to speak to Rylee, well reach out to Rylee because of the name thing he hated that in front of Oakley she said that she’s sticking by what he said and he kicked off again, so I was like we going, but I saw them both go and saw my grandson off. Chris is just off with it all, I need him to get out of it, he can’t do this when we need to be there and support her on the big day. I said to Rylee I will try and gather him and make him see sense that this has to happen, he’s finding it hard to know a man has taken his daughter and he is just not the provider, he’s very uptight about Rylee in anything, the way he even acted that she had Aziel was terrible, but we can’t hold onto what happened really “are you my bodyguard?” Chris joked “erm, I suppose. I just like to know my husband is ok” he waved me off “I’m always ok twin, you know how it is. But what’s up?” Sometimes I just stare at my husband and think how far we have made it but it has taken me stepping back, I had to do it and it has made us better in a sense even though it has bruised my ego a little but we are more open and we do talk more, I am never in the dark with things “I’m going to see Mel now so I just wanted to check in on you” Chris is laughing “it’s cool, you know me. I’m just going to sleep for a little and then got the game with Junior, have a good time though” he made his way over to me, pecking my lips “love you, see you when you get home. And I can’t promise Emi won’t take your things” rolling my eyes “please try and tell her no and Chris, remember we are going out for some food tomorrow” Chris grinned “second best after Mel I see, but cool. See you tonight” smiling at him, he doesn’t want me to mention it but I have to bring it up, like I get Oakley concern and I get Chris so I have to fix this but with Chris it’s all about time, I have to give him time. I can’t come down on him, but the kids are worried about him, and him not talking to Rylee now.

Pressing a kiss to Mel cheek “my girl, and Jah. I mean who the hell invited this bald mess. What the hell” leaning down and kisses his bald head “because bitch I see your energy, how you invite Mel but no me!? Like where is my meal, how rude of you” I cackled sitting down “well it was last minute, Mel is always busy. I been busy, so we just linked now. I for one had the kids at home so yeah, when I say kids I mean those adult assholes I have” I pointed out “they the worst, Mel was saying how her eldest. Moody Melody just be snapping, and how she sought out her father family” I gasped “oh yeah, she visited his family. And they put so much shit in her mind, look I don’t have issues with it but they wasn’t there. So she came home and said that you and Auntie rih kept me away from them, I said first of all do not get my sister involved. Like how dare you, but it’s been drama, and I am to blame. Money blinded me” I gasped again “that is so bad, wow. What is wrong with these older kids. It’s like they blame us” I scoffed “oh and I gave my youngest a better home” I pointed “that is what the eldest three said to me!” I spat “I don’t want to have that conversation; I am just so drained from it. So how are we? I wasn’t expecting Jah? I mean the little prize” Jah waved me off “you can be such bitch sometimes” I giggled “not that just didn’t think you would be here but anyways, how are you?” I asked Jah “I’m well, just happy. Settled, I was actually thinking back, I miss your life, I miss us being young” I chuckled “I know but we can’t always live that life, we needed to grow and all that good stuff” Jah pulled a face “and you needed to keep popping babies out?” I chuckled “shut up, you love my babies. Can I have some wine, what is this? Are we on a diet” these are useless “well I feel closer to the eldest three, I feel they have been there and more in the limelight. The youngest three have had an entirely different upbringing” nodding my head “and this is what Ti and Rylee said to me, they feel like it’s a disconnect and they hate coming but when they come they bring all the drama, it’s because I’m home, that’s the difference, they were raised by Chris and these are raised by two parents” I said, which is true.

Jah and his issues with men “so let me get this right, you got a husband. But you cheated?” I questioned “a mistake” I laughed shaking my head “a mistake, negro please. Now how you going to say mistake? What did you trip and fell on his dick, you need to tell the truth, I am not joking with you. Tell him, it’s eating you up inside” Jah gasped “well you came here to tell me this” he huffed out poking out his lips “well yeah I did but I didn’t expect you to be so blunt” I shrugged “that is just me, but you need to tell him, why the fuck would you cheat? It took you years for anyone to even like you” Mel snorted laughing “like what the hell, I need to be hard on you. I need you to fix up and tell him, it’s not right that you get to cheat and be silent about it so tell him and free yourself too” I am so serious, I know I was just joking about nobody liking him, but I am so serious with him about telling him the truth “I will” he mumbled “oh my god what happened with Rylee being punched? All you did was text me Rylee got punched and then never even said a thing after” I chuckled “well what happened was, well it stemmed from Chris disliking that Rylee is listening to Oakley. So we was sat in the home with Imani, just talking and Rylee came in and she kicked off, started saying all these things and I was like oh god, now what we going to do and then Oakley came in from behind her and cut it off, told her that you know we aren’t here to cause issues. That it’s their child still and told her to sit down, Rylee obeyed. She skipped over and sat next to him, giggling. Chris hated it, Chris flat out hated that his daughter is so down bad, he was livid with it. Then the hate came around again, Chris mood changed. And you know Herb is so far up Chris’ ass, if Chris hates someone, he does. So Chris has been a dick to Oakley now, just doing things. Then it comes to blows, things have been a mess. So the last day they are going home, I said look I want to see you and I want to see Aziel before you go, and she did with Tianna. Herb started some shit with Oakley, Rylee got between them, and Herb was going to punch Oakley but ended up punching Rylee sent her flying forward, then Chris punched Herb and he was knocked out for a while” Mel just stared at me “nice to know nothing changed with Chris” Jah said.

“Chris is so sentimental when it comes to Rylee, I mean he has enough kids to like. He has Emi?” Mel said “Emi gets the bare minimum from Chris; the boys get most of his attention. He is very much into the boys and their games but Emi she isn’t his elder three, she is just there. I mean I am not mad because he is there but the effort he puts into hating what Rylee is doing he could put into Emi. I said to him look at some point they all get married, and like its causing a rift that doesn’t need to happen. But he doesn’t like that Oakley has taken his place, he can’t split the two. The guy that was or is his friend to the guy now. Seeing both Oakley and Rylee they are very into each other, and then Rylee has been trying to speak to him, she said that the Brown name is being removed from her name, well that also upset him so now he isn’t speaking to her. I said he has to let it go” Mel sighed out “he loves Rylee so much, and over the years seeing them both I know he loves her so much. I think to him she is the love child you both wanted, that was it. Tianna was a horny moment and Imani was frustration because you both wasn’t together, but Rylee is the child that he loves, and she loves him and he sees Oakley as a threat now. I think you may need to let him mourn that, let him do him because knowing Chris if you push him he will just be even worse” Mel has a point “well he ruining the day, I want to go to the wedding without thinking he will bite, but to see Rylee listen. She listens to Oakley so much; they are both so close now too. You can tell they have each other backs and are there for each other, I didn’t think my daughter would be the one obeying” Mel sniggered “You obeyed too mamas, learnt from her mother” putting a finger up at her.

Chris’ hate for Giorgio Baldi makes me warm inside because it’s funny, it’s literally a place he hates with his whole heart but he comes for me so this is why I love it, he would prefer me not to come but he does, and he does it for me “why are you smiling?” He asked as he drank the Hennessy from the glass “because I know how much you hate this place; you rather take care of Emi then come here but you do for me” he snorted laughing “how did fat mama get that stray Robyn?” He sat back in the chair “let’s be real now, you do love her, but you have one love, and she is in London” he kissed his teeth “not exactly, she’s different. Done with, I was done with her when she did what she did. Disappointment is what I see” oh he’s in a hateful mood “you’re such a liar” I pointed smiling “I’m serious, I don’t care about her” he is playing in my face “Chris, please stop lying to me. You’re in a hateful mood, you’re up and down. You want to walk Rylee down the aisle, and I know it” Chris rolled his eyes “I wish she never met him; I wish I never met him. Imagine if I never saw myself in him, I wish he never came into her life. I am so sick, it’s my fault” shaking my head “you know what Chris, I was their biggest hater. But Chris he loves her, she loves him. Didn’t you want your daughters to have someone that loved them? Didn’t you want that? You will always be her first love, but she has her family now and all that goes with it, her love is to Oakley, and I don’t want you to miss out because you’re being stubborn and because you don’t like how he’s taken over but of course he going to take over, that’s going to be her husband, you tell me what you want her to do? Chose you over a man she loves? Tell me this, you are ruining everything, Oakley now just wants to be cordial with you. Chris this has to change. You keep pushing and they just do it without us there? Then what?” Chris shrugged “he knows I will kill him” I rolled my eyes “yes, no Chris” I scoffed, he just doesn’t listen to me and that makes me mad.

Wiping my mouth with the tissue “look, just hard I guess. I don’t want to push them. It’s hard, change is hard. I still remember when I first held her, and now she is in London, a mother, ready to be a wife. Like that shit blows my mind, I love my kids. But we all have the one that changed us, Rylee is my first born and I find it hard to just see her” he paused “changed” nodding my head “and why can’t you talk about it instead of starting stupid shit? It’s unfair how you do that, I think we all understand how you feel and why, I think all the kids know who you love a lot. Chris I know you’re stressing thinking you have to give her away” he cringed “I don’t want to give her away, that my baby Robyn. I have to officially give her to someone else” he is so emotional “and a guy you know deep down you trust, come on now” he sighed out “just please stop the nonsense, stop making life hard for Rylee and speaking of her” she is calling me, answering the call “hey” sitting back in the chair “one minute, Oakley I don’t want to be stood here” she said “just wait there” sounds busy “sorry, oh my god. Mom, before this all comes out. So we just left Mayfair, like ten minutes ago. Tion please can you just tell him to stop, I want to go. Hail a cab! Sorry mom, so we left Mayfair just ten minutes, went to the club with Oakley and some friends. Some guys” her voice broke “it was so scary, we drove off with Tion and in the car behind is Wyge so we drove off not a minute less, some guys on dirt bikes came at the side of the car as he was driving, Oakley just put his foot down to drive off, he grabbed me and pulled me over to him and keeping my head down. You know how Oakley drives, so he just kept driving and driving at a speed and I am having a breakdown, but he wouldn’t let me lift my head up at all, then I didn’t see but heard it. Someone shot the car; I just don’t know how he got rid of them but London roads plus his driving. Now we are just waiting around, I am scared they will come around again” my mouth fell open “why are you waiting around!?” I spat “the tyre is flat, and the police have been called but I want to go” my heart is in my mouth right “you tell him I want you safe, what you mean!” I spat “I am scared mom, Ti didn’t answer” there is a lot of commotion “police are here, I will call back” she put the phone down, Chris just staring at me but I know Chris he will lose his mind “what is it?” he asked “I would lie to you but then it’s wrong of me, Rylee and Oakley left the club with friends, come guys on bikes chased them” Chris’ face dropped “see what I mean, I told that motherfucker he can’t keep her safe in London! I don’t care what area!” she spat “and I need you to not do this” he got up from the seat but kicked the chair as he did walking off, let me allow him to calm down “I said it, I said he can never keep her safe in London!” he shouted as he walked off and I got stared at but I am used to it.

[itgirlgyu]

HI YOU HAVE LIKE NO IDEA WHO I AM BUT I'M INVESTED IN YOUR CRACK FICS AND I HAD LIKE A HELLA WEIRD DREAM AND I FIGURED YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND MY BRAIN WHEN IT'S ON CRACK.

Anyways (had a fucking heart attack trying to spell that), Beomgyu showed up and when he shows up that not a good sign. He hasn't shown up since the ceiling children issue Anyways. He was standing there, just doing his thing, in like a chicken costume?? Idk what he was doing but he was just sitting there, at my kitchen table, in a chicken cosplay... yea umm..

He started yelling at me in like this demon language ig, i have no idea. sounded like latin but no one speaks latin so demon language it is. Sounded like he was fucking possessed. And he was in a chicken costume. So my dumbass thought it would be an amazing idea to laugh at him... 'cause scary latin words being yelled at you by a deranged chicken-idol should obviously trigger laughter.

Beomgyu chased me around. He got a knife somewhere?? like at this point i was starting to wake up but he started referencing star wars and shit.. I don't even watch star wars. Idk, he tried stabbing me but the knife turned into the fortnite unicorn thingy.. and i just got hit by a fucking unicorn horn. I woke up after that but i swear my brain is on it's last brain cells..

maybe it was triggered by 'red lights' playing in a fucking baskin robins... okie byeee. sorry for bothering you...

I'm crys by the way...

omg hi crys,,,, honesty this made my day!!! LIKE THE AMOUNT OF LIKE SHIT THAT'S HAPPENING LIKE BRO WHAT IS GOING ON?! WHAT TO MAKE OF IT?!?

BUT YOU KNOW THIS ODDLY FEELS LIKE those prophetic dreams where you wake up in cold sweat and realise damn im the akin character... fuck... ALSO THIS BITCH LIKE COMING TO LIKE STAB U ANS INSTEAD OF THE KNIFE ANS IT'S THE UNICORN HORN!! OKAY no hear me OUT!!! IVE GOT A PLOT....

like you're this normal teenager doing dumb shit like lalalala life and then one day u wake up and see this strange old man on a chicken suit with ketchup and mustard stain and he's like meditating or some shit and you're like damn should i fall police but let me. laugh first and then he's like triggered ( i would be too if someone laughed at my livelihood) okay so u wake up from the attack u find out you're the chosen one for this one task and he's your animal friend assistant sidekick ans he can turn into an actual chicken this suit is just for his part time job bc he had to to earn money before u found u powers and he's like,,, no i can really turn into a chicken and then he turns into a chicken in from tor some kids that bully you ( enhypen kids) and then he in his chicken form give jongseong three bald spots and you're like,, WOW ur good ans hes like ikr.... 😩😜