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sugaroto · 1 year ago

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There's a lot I wanna say about uni and how I feel about the whole shit, but imma start by one thing for now

"Friends"

I'm gonna take it from the begging

The first 2 days I was hanging out with a group of girls that were... too straight-girly for my liking and toxic

And when I say straight girly I don't mean "I like pink" or shit focus on the TOXIC part

Examples:

*girl leaves*

Toxic *literally 2 seconds later* she's a weirdo isn't she? You agree with me don't you?

*next day* Let's keep her around she's fun. The *[name_of_her_hometown]* gurl. Omg

(She literally called her the "Το [μερος] γκερλ" [μέρος] as in where that girl was from)

Example 2

"I can't have guys friends, they ALWAYS end up hitting on me and ruining the friendship, I only want gay queens for bffs"

Those 2 examples are actually of the same toxic girl

Oh also she's independent since 14 and has been smoking since then #cool #not like the others girls or something

Now, to be honest that group had a bunch of people, mostly girls, she was the most annoying,

I ended up keeping in touch with one girl from that group who we're gonna call Keila (used random name generator) who was actually cool

Before uni started we also met Floretta who I really liked cause she watches the same shows like me, like anime or good omens etc that kind of stuff, oh and also books like 6 of crows, she also knew what all for the game was and wanted to read it

In class we met Jessi... and I'm not sure how to describe her

And Beatrix who I don't remember when she appeared but she seemed nice and have become real close with Floretta

I am giving a description of these girls, cause supposedly that was the group of friends I made

Now, an ironic thing, one of the first days I was out with Floretta, Jessi and Beatrix (I think Keila was out of town or something) one of them asked if we knew that trend "where people bring food of different colors to a house gathering"

And I replied that "Oh my friends actually did that last year but I wasn't invited"

Jessi said "I would have not let that slide! The audacity" and stuff, in which I kind of tried to justify my school friends, bc if we're being honest I was mostly hanging out with other people at the time, and I was not this close with the girl that the party was at her house

And they said stuff like "We'll involve you now, in the stuff we'll do and all"

Guess what they did

Guess who was the only person they did not invite in shit they did

Well, we did do stuff at first, we had a sleepover at someone's house, we went to the cinema together... that I think

We sat together in class and all, and I could see that some of them were closer with each other than I was but I still thought we were a friend group

We didn't really hang out much lately, and too be honest the last... 8? Weeks I hadn't left the house on the weekends, daily I would go to uni for class and the canteen to eat with them but on the weekends I would stay inside the house for the whole 2 days... which was probably kind of lonely

Oh btw, there was a group chat, but nobody sent anything, they stopped texting right after a few days, and too be honest there were 2 other girls in the gc who found other friends and we stopped talking so I kinda expected someone would make a gc of the supposedly friend group we had

Anyways the other week, one of our classes got canceled, I stayed in and the next day Keila was describing to a girl from class what happened last night at Floretta's home on a sleepover and how Jessi got drunk and Beatrix slept etc

So I'm realizing they all had a sleepover and didn't tell me, but I'm not the kind of person that would make a big deal out of it even if I felt bad or something. I guess it was a last minute thing cause class was canceled (?) And didn't tell me cause I live in a different town 5 minutes away

Later that day Keila was telling Beatrix something like "I sent her(Jessi) *something something* on the group chat"

So I realize there's a group chat I'm not a part of

btw that was on a Friday, oh also that day, I asked Keila which bus I should take if I wanted to go to jumbo

Later on Monday, I had a morning class which I only share with Jessi, we didn't really talk. And I took the bus to go to town and 2 hours later I saw all of them across the street

Turns out they were waiting for the same bus I was waiting to go to jumbo, (I was on the wrong side of the street) but I ended up talking with Floretta outside the bus while she was looking for her ticket like "hello" "Oh hi... what are you doing here?" "I'm going to jumbo" "oh cool us too"

And since we had the same destination we ended up going together, since we're also friends

And honestly I'm a little mad cause like Keila knew I wanted to go to jumbo, and Jessi saw me that morning, but no one told me hey why don't we all go together, but the 4 of them went

And I did feel like an outsider and had my own basket while they had their own, I didn't feel like putting anything I wanted into their shared basket since I wasn't in the plan

Does this even make sense its 3am

Anyways Floretta was also buying candles and balloons and decorations, and when we were in the elevator she told me "Oh by the way I may do something for my birthday on Sunday if you want to come" Μπορεί, Κυριακή, αν θέλεις, are not enough information to invite someone in your birthday

Especially when you pick out the decoration like "but girls, I don't want to celebrate it" and then go "μπορεί" may means you're still thinking about whether or not you do something about your birthday, also I don't know when and where, do I just show up at her house at 7am on Sunday? No?

I've gone uninvited to 2 birthday parties as a kid I'm not doing it again if you want to invite me do it properly

She obviously told me cause I was with her when she was buying everything, but wouldn't she end up informing her guests about the time and all when she decides what she does? She didn't text me anything or told me anything about it the rest of the week

So on the weekend, I saw two birthday stories, one from Keila on Saturday and one from Floretta on Sunday, I already explained Floretta

Keila, tried explaining herself to me when I saw her on Monday

Which personally... I find ... stupid?

That's what she told me: "I want you to know the reason I didn't invite you was because I wanted to do something small with only the people from [town] cause they live close, and I didn't want anyone to sleep over, cause my dad died, and my dad died I can't be doing parties. Shame" all in one breath. 9am I didn't not have the energy.

And GIRL. Seriously when you try to excuse it like that it sounds stupid. 1) I live literally 5 minutes away with the bus, the taxi costs 4€(considering in my island it costs 27€ I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SPENDING 4€ ON A TAXI) 2)If she told me "come to my birthday" I would not have brought my pajamas with me, I would have left with a taxi, I do not know why she assumed I would sleep there without her wanting me to sleep there

3)... I know what grieving is. I assumed she didn't invite me bc she wanted to do something small due to her father dying.

(Considering I am the only one she didn't invite, I don't know what huge difference I make but anyways)

Also. I don't know how to explain it but I feel it ridiculous that she tried to explain this to me. I stopped inviting people at my house after my uncle died.

And don't tell me anything like "but that's her father it's just your uncle" or some shit because of what I know it seems I had a much better relationship with my uncle than she did with her father

I know no matter what of person he used to be, she still lost him and will grieve him, but ... explaining those reasons to me?

I used to have a group of 11 people coming to my house almost biweekly and then I just stopped. It took me a long while to actually invite people over again cause I have forgotten how to do so, and the people that came were 2 really close friends. Only after a year did I ended up inviting over my bsf and 2 classmates(3 whole people) for board games

I know what grieving is.

And I know people can grieve in different ways

...but when you word it like that it just sounds like an excuse....

I assumed she didn't invite me bc of it but the whole paragraph? "Only from the town, no sleepover, dead father"

Honestly I had similar experiences when I was 12 and I have hated those kind of excuses since then. You did not invite me. For whatever reason. Okay. Making an excuse is worse. I don't care

And like as I said, I had assumed the grieving part was why and I was not planning to fight her about it. Her paragraph just makes me mad

I'm tired it's 3.30 am

I have a few more things I'll say tomorrow

#sugar uni life

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my-castles-crumbling · 5 months ago

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Hey! It's gc anon, as you've so named me, here's your update! (very confusing...)

Also, good luck on your new job! Wishing you luck 🫶🫶

So, I don't know if I clarified this in the first ask, but the 3 people in my class who were in the friend group and chat were NOT active in the crap talking, i just know they were in the chat. It was only Jacob and two other people. I suppose it's also important to note that those three ppl (the shit talkers, ima call them the Plastics bc mean girls is iconic) are completely gone from the school I attend where we all became friends. I will never see any of them again. Anyways, back to the point.

I was nervous going into that class and seeing them all, even not truly knowing what they specifically thought. It was odd though. They all greeted me like normal, and then right in front of me were talking about the hangout they had without me, not even trying to hide it. That was kinda weird flag one. By the end of the class I decided that I was going to ask them what I did to the Plastics and/or the rest of the group, and I would say that I saw the messages off of someone's lockscreen. So that's what I did.

And when I tell you they were shocked and appalled. Like shocked. Like this guy:🫢

They said that they were told by the Plastics and thought that I didn't want to be friends with them... that I was "stepping away and making other friends." For context...these ppl were my best friends, like my whole world last year. They said they hadn't read the gc (not really suspicious as none of them were normally on insta, which is where the gc was) and they had no idea what it's about. They were also adamant that the Plastics had not given them any context. It would explain why they would talk about the hangout in front of me, assuming they thought I didn't care.

Frankly, I don't know at this point. They could be lying to save face (we're all in theatre, and I know they're all very good actors, so I can't leave it out of the question even though I find it unlikely) or they could be sincere. I'm leaning towards sincere however because when I walked into class today, the second day, they were all very eager to talk to me and joke around, even getting us in "trouble" a couple times for talking too much. They seemed to enjoy my company.

I'm not sure of anything at this point, I am very bamboozled, but I've sorta made some half baked decisions.

1. All the Plastics are no bueno and I won't affiliate with them at all. Which, if you recall, is very easy seeing as the three of them are gone from my vicinity.

2. The three people in my class seem safe, but I'm not going to get in deep friendship with them again, because they could be lying. Why they would, I don't know, but I also know to not trust things as they seem when it comes to teenager drama.

3. At this point, I still don't know what I did, and I've decided I don't wanna know. That is not my problem, and if I knew, I would probably obsess over it and take down my mental health. I have a total James Potter complex where I want everyone to be happy but forget to take care of myself, so this is me trying to put my sanity first.

I don't know if this completes the gc anon saga, but it looks like it's done for now. I'll update you if there's a major update I suppose.

Thank you for being kind, you deserve all the good things this world has to offer, truly.

Ciao!🫶

Hi!

I think your decisions (1, 2, 3) are perfect. It sounds like you know yourself and the other people involved pretty well, and I'm proud of you for handling this all well! Keep me updated if anything else happens!

#ask #asks #ask cas #gc anon

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contraspem--spero · 1 year ago

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ok im curious what do you think about mizuki akiyama, the character who is heavily implied if not canonically transfeminine/trans female?

not a malicious question

Hi anon! I'm grateful you seem to ask in good faith, so I'll answer even though I don't normally entertain fandom stuff on my blog.

I'll also be using they/them for Mizuki going forward even though I personally don't agree with that but I assume you would be more comfortable this way.

My short answer: I don't really care about them. I like Mizuki's design, some of their cards/focus songs slap, I liked the rooftop friendship storyline, Mizuki&An interactions and their character overall, but I have no personal stake in the The Big Secret storyline. I don't have to morally agree with every media I consume. I can (and do) enjoy things with non-binary or trans characters in them; that fact doesn't make me doubt gender critical or radical feminist ideas.

As of right now, it's only implied* they're transfem; for as long as it's not outright stated in canon I will keep hc-ing Mizuki as a gnc guy who faces isolation and bullying because of it, as did I for dressing in "men's clothing" and not wearing make up. Which might also be canon just as well in the future.

Mizuki never answers the question of why they dress the way they do with anything other than "Because I like it", which actually aligns the gender critical idea of clothes and make-up and nail polish etc having no gender and how both men and women can both dress however they want (whilst simultaneously being aware that some of traditionally female/feminine clothes are purposefully impractical, financially draining, or outright harmful to your body and it's no coincidence; the gc idea of people having the freedom to do whatever doesn't necessarily go against the feminist idea that patriarchy is the reason those roles and practices exist in the first place and are actively harmful to women and girls as a class), and honestly? I like the way that is written.

Maybe the message proseka writers intended to send wasn't "Mizuki is trans because they dress like a girl and being forced into male roles makes them depressed and transphobia is bad", maybe it was "Mizuki is simply a boy who likes pink and dresses and cute things and maybe we should stop bulling people for being different that the rest". Or maybe I'm dead wrong and they will be confirmed as transgender later down the line. Who knows. It makes very little difference to me anyway because they're not one of my favourite characters and that's that.

*whilst they're being referred as they/them in the official English translation, we should be very, very aware that English translation is oftentimes inaccurate and occasionally even harmful/blatantly wrong and is prone to buying into popular fandom headcanons (e.g: calling Nagi An's Aunt officially whereas in canon their relationship get no label and are much more complicated than that; unnecessary Tsukasa Angst in Saki's even where he most likely refers to Saki being lonely and not himself; the whole Spojoy Kanade honorifics blunder, while understandably untranslatable, was handled very poorly). Plus it's the only way to make the entire storyline to work in English as Japanese language has no pronouns and we can't judge based off that. Leaving out the pronoun issue we're left to judge based of... Clothes and song lyrics. *Shrugs*

**I also feel like Mizuki's storyline was done very dirty in general by proseka event format because it feels so. painfully. stretched out over three years. It seriously lacks the pacing, but that's my issue with N25 in general; they're moving a little bit too slow for my taste save for Ena.

#personal #I also like the way their depression is written #it's quiet and invisible #just slowly fading away in the background despite their family trying to support them like it can't be helped #vs. Ena's explosive and self-hating vs Mafuyu's actively seeking to harm herself #Mizuki and Kanade's issues are much more similar to that regard except I'd say Mizuki's is slightly more passive #the 'I cross the road without looking' kind of depression #it's very interesting and realistic and i feel like their arc portraits it in the most respectful way from the n25

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golbrocklovely · 2 years ago

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Snapchat is just like mlp in that when they run out of stuff to post (lets be honest, they have nothing of interest to post anyway) and keep people interested, they pull the colby card. I know he still follows and engages with them both but it makes me feel sorry for him because they’re essentially using him. I remember the many instances when something was asked to mlp that had absolutely nothing to do with him and she would bring him up. For her part snapchats engagement was going down during the k+s breakup and i do not find it coincidental at all that she chose that time to make two highlights on her snap where most of the pics are just her and colby. You can tell hes drunk and trying hard not to place his hand in certain parts. She doesnt even have that many with Kat and instead placed him as the cover. Right after that there was an explosion of new edits and theories and guess what, her getting more clout than Kat. I hope for his sake your reading is accurate and he puts his foot down and lets go of all these clout chasers. He deserves better.

to give them both some leeway, realistically a lot of the fans they have are more into colby than them. plus, a lot of fans only know them for their connection to colby. so at the very least, they know their audience well lol

at this point, i've come to realize that clearly colby doesn't see them they way we do. he doesn't see them posting pics of him and them behind a paywall as using. he doesn't see the poems, or the posts, or the tiktoks as signs that they are trying to use his fandom. he doesn't care. he doesn't care that in gcs or comments they tell fans what he smells like or that he's their rock or that they constantly like shipping edits even tho he has said countless times he's not dating them.

he doesn't care, and bc of that, i'm done caring as well. not to mention both of them aren't really in his life as much as they once were. so it's even easier to care less about them.

and the pics that snapchat posted, hilariously, on her snapchat i feel like might have been there before their breakup but i'm not entirely sure. i know one of them she put behind a paywall at the very least and then ended up posting it there so… idk.

but i will argue, i don't think he was "trying hard not to place his hand in certain parts". i think he's a bit lovey-dovey when he's drunk, but honestly i think he just had his hand resting on her hip lol

regardless, i do hope he cuts ppl out of his life that he feels like are using him. he deserves happiness and peace. i do not want a repeat of last year, please and thank you.

#ask #personal #cb ll

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lazloorpington · 11 months ago

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seriously this is how i've been feeling for a long time

it upsets me when people think they can just be like "oh well i don't support her views so it's ok!!!", especially when they don't live in the uk themselves

the past few years have been horrible for trans people in the uk and recently it's gotten so much worse, and yes as cartoonishly evil as it sounds, jk rowling has a lot to do with it. she has a gigantic platform and a lot of influence (no matter how much she or any other terf insists that they're "censored" or "cancelled"). a lot of people look up to her as an incredible feminist. she is pretty much the spokesperson for almost every single terf/gc in the uk

but because it's happening in the uk a lot of people just... don't care. you don't hear about it as much or a lot of people just see it as "oh she's just a shunned dumbass no-one actually listens to her" but they do. and it has shown. terribly.

anyways, now we've got a prime minister who will openly make cheap transphobic jabs at other politicians, while the mother of a daughter who was murdered because "i wanted to know if she'd scream like a boy or a girl" was sitting in the same room, and who also tries to make snarky jokes about trans women behind closed doors because no-one will hear it until someone leaks a video, and the uk's general public's opinion is more often than not supportive. like “oh i hate rishi sunak but he's right about that one thing”

like i don't even trust any british person who calls themselves a feminist anymore, because a lot of the time they're actually a transphobic piece of shit. the terf movement here is huge and it has way too much momentum and it's actually seen a lot of “progress” made. which is horrifying, and a lot of it is thanks to jk rowling not being able to keep her mouth shut and made a lot of ""closest"" transphobes feel more seen

this is what i wanna tell people whenever they ask me why i hate harry potter. i'm sure the franchise itself is cool but i can't look past the author anymore and you shouldn't either

Reminder that jkr basically funds a large portion of the terf movement in the UK and promoting harry potter and actively giving her money is helping fund that movement and is actively encouraging her and her followers because they see this as support

#lazlo rambling #transphobia #sorry if this is a bit disjointed i originally wrote all of this as tags

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stormblessed95 · 3 years ago

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Storm you will not believe this. Kind of old but I was waiting for help to translate this to English. Hopefully the following story will make you laugh in pure disbelief and not make you too angry. So I’m trying to make army friends in my country (non-English speaking) so I joined a group chat to get to know some new people. It’s going well, and we tend to talk about topics once bangtan bombs or vlives go up etc. So around the time BTS on corden dropped, there’s a pic of Corden carrying JM where JM’s lower half looks wowww. I bring this up in passing amongst a slew of compliments to the other members too, add a lil peach emoji, but nothing too much- pretty much standard praise for our chat. One of the members of the chat replies to my JM message ‘Hmm I don’t see it. Tae has the nicest ass in the group let’s be real’ . At this point I’m confused and affronted cause - 1. Blasphemy and RUDE 2. Even If that’s your opinion I didn’t ask!! and 3.There’s certain features that members get particular praises for, otherwise army (and the members!) wouldn’t have coined phrases like namtiddies, CGV, worldwide shoulders etc. So while, absolutely Tae has a lovely booty, let’s not act like that diminishes that there is a whole fandom dedicated to jibooty alone, including Mr. you-have-to-touch-his-thighs himself (war of hormone Tae, I’m also looking at you!!!). So I’m looking at this message and this message is looking at me, and for the life of me I don’t know how to reply nicely. Thankfully someone changes the topic of conversation and the other members promptly follow suit. One of the ppl in the chat private messages me and apologises for what happened and says that it happens ALL THE TIME and that the girl is a tkkr, as if that explains anything?!?! I ask them for more clarity and they explain ‘She doesn’t like it when people praise jimin’s booty so she tries to convince others that tae’s is better, cause tkk are together and jk as the type of guy that he is must like the guy with the better figure’. So I’m looking at this message and this message is looking at me, and so I leave my phone, wash my eyes and come back to the same message, which is still looking at me. I have lost all brain cells, my desire to live and my faith in humanity. Ladies, nb’s and gentlemen, jimin is not allowed to have an objectively nice booty because of tkk. Apparently this is something some tkkrs have gotten into trouble for before. Storm, I must estimate that I have lost 7 years of my life because of this. The connotations of this scream homophobia, fetishisation, sexism and sex negativity to name a few, holy hell. Do you know when something is so dumb you just have to laugh or you’ll lose your mind? This is a 21+ group, someone over the age of 21 thinks like this!!! Needless to say, I did leave this gc, since they allowed this behaviour to go unchecked long enough for their to be history of altercations. Extra tidbits - 1. This only applied to jimin and not the other members (no shit sherlock) though yoonbooty and tiny waist jk have been brought up and praised before (as they should, kings!) 2. Same applied whenever anyone brought up jm’s lips too, but not Jin who is co-member of the bratz line (hmmm I wonder why). I knew that some tkkrs were bad, but the fact that someone would be so pressed that they can’t even let jibooty be, has really taken me to a place of disgust I doubt I can ever recover from…Anyways who needs army friends when I have BTS and your blog, am I right!!! What are some of your fav jibooty and bratz jm moments? Mine are the aforementioned James corden pants or let me keep you warm by slapping the jibooty and lip makeup for the blood sweat and tears m/v and stages.

Well.... thats... alot.... lmao I'm glad you left that GC. I don't care whose ass you prefer lmao to do so only because of a ship is weird as heck and clearly its for the reasons of being a petty bxtch only then. But regardless. Anon. If my husband questions as to why I have a bunch of ass photos on my phone now, imma send him your way. Thank you! Lol I'm going to throw in a lot of members appreciating the jibooty gifs though too

Thanks for showing off Jimin...

Take it easy Tae 😂🤣 he is just really out here staring hard lmao

We've lost Jungkook.... 😂

Took your time there Yoongi....

Yes, I agree Jin 🤣😂

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rahleeyah · 2 years ago

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Leah. Leah. Toes?? Carisi?? Liv?? Are you ok???? Is this a cry for help?????

lmao ok so

this was a joke, obviously; in the context where this initially came up i needed an act that was overtly submissive but also unexpected/uncommon enough to solicit a laugh so obvi i went for sucking toes thinking we'd all have a good laugh - which we did - and the gc had a good time with it and so i decided to bring y'all in on it.

but

now i've been thinking about it for a while and we know how dangerous i get when i been thinking about stuff. and the thing is there's actually something sort of compelling to me in the Discourse we have unearthed here

so i have no particular feelings about feet - they're just feet! - but i believe in the potential eroticism in every part of the body, really. like any body part can be sexy, or desirable, or become part of sexuality bc good sex to me is about the whole body. a delicate ankle, a "well turned calf" - there's actually a phrase for a sexy calf - collarbones, shoulders. i've got a hickey on one of my shoulders right this very minute.

and for the most part when we start waxing poetic about someone's jawline or belly or forearms or what have you, it doesn't really cause a stir.

but dear god, don't mention feet!

i've known a number of people in my life who have like. a strong aversion to feet, which has always made me sort of go huh? bc like, feet aren't inherently dirtier or grosser than any other part of the body - provided they're kept clean and taken care of which is true of everything. fingers can be gross, if they're not clean and maintained. anything is gross and dirty if it's not cleaned and maintained. thighs get sweaty. the backs of your knees. your neck. your ass sweats and your underwear spreads that sweat all over your junk. the small of the back gets sweaty. and yet those are all places one might be kissed without anyone complaining!

and i think it's important to check in with ourselves periodically and ask "how much of this repulsion is innate, and how much of it is a learned stigma?"

like body hair, right? there's nothing gross or unnatural about body hair on anyone, man or woman. every cis woman i've ever slept with had some degree of hair on her tummy, from a little bit of goosedown to a full on happy trail. it's normal! and it's kinda cute. why do we expend so much energy on hating our bodies in their natural state?

bc when we hate ourselves it makes money for corporations! bc the more we hate ourselves the more money we spend trying to contort ourselves into something else, and every piece of media we consume plays into a narrative that keeps us unhappy and buying razors and shaving cream and nair and and and and

so like the body hair one is obvious, right, like there's a clear line that can be drawn from razor manufacturers deciding post WWII to target women's body hair to expand their share of their market and rake in more cash when previously it wasn't really a thing. so what about feet?

why is the foot fetish the one mainstream fetish we're all so comfortable dunking on all the time? why is that the one that we're supposed to shame people for having? why is it so easy to dog pile on that but the forearm girlies get a pass?

is it just that so many people genuinely hate feet? or is the cause and effect the other way around; do so many people hate feet bc we started receiving messaging pretty early on that liking feet makes you weird, and jesus no one wants to be weird, so let's tuck that away?

ANYWAY

the point is, it was a joke, but it's a joke that's led me to thinking more about the way we interact with our bodies, and with each other's bodies, and it's been making me wonder if maybe we couldn't all give ourselves - and each other - a little more grace.

#anonymous #s.vu #e.o asks #i'm not gonna write toe sucking but like. y'all make me want to write it

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marindram · 4 years ago

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full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

#omega mart #marin dram #omega mart lore

66 notes · View notes

palaugranetes · 4 years ago

Text

🔵BLAUGRANETS🔴

24 SEPTEMBER 2020

Ansu: But I don't get what is taking him so long to do it!

JC: I guess he is busy.

Ansu: RIQUIIIIII GET IT DONE WITH ALREADY!!

JC: @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui @Riqui

Dembz: You do know that mentioning him 13428 times does nothing but annoy and give us a whiplash..

Riqui added Luisito

Riqui: Welcome to the kiddie table, where Adult supervision is as non existent as Madrid's treble and where you are free to say whatever the fuck you want @Luisito

Carlitos: Language!

Riqui: Fuck off rizos!

Ansu: 😂😂😂😂

Riqui: Well boys, there you have him... unleash

JC: See @Dembz.. It does work.

Dembz: 🤦🏿‍♂️

Ronald: PISTOLERO!! WE ARE GOING TO MISS YOU! Thank you for everything truly.

Carlitos: Thank you for always helping us Uruguasho! We are going miss you! Any last advice?

Pedri: I wish you all the best Luis. I wish I got to know you more but from what I have seen in such a short time, I can already tell you are a great one.

Francisco: All the best Luis. I appreciate the time we had together, albeit very short. Thank you for welcoming me so well.

Riqui: I remember when you first signed.. It was so out of the blue amazing. And you have been nothing but that with all of us. As one of the younger players I can tell you that having you as someone who encouraged us really helped. So again Thank you so much for believing in us.

Riqui: Also I am so sorry you are leaving the way you are.

Ansu: You truly are a role model for us, I appreciate every advice you gave me and this past season, odd as it may be, has taught me so much and it is in big part thanks to you and Leo. I really am going to miss you 🔫🔫

Luisito is typing...

Dembz: Love you bro, thank you for being their during the tough times and for helping me any time I needed. I'm going to miss you legend. We'll try to make you proud.

Luisito: Hey guys!

JC: I didn't get to spend much time with you @Luisito but I know what an amazing player you are as well as being such a nice guy. Bonne chance. It will be fun to play against you.

Luisito: I see you took a page out of our book

Carlitos: "JC: I didn't get to spend much time with you @Luisito but I know what an amazing player you are as well as being such a nice guy. Bonne chance. It will be fun to play against you." IF we do ...

Ronald: You had to ruin it.

Riqui: Ain't that the bitter truth son...

Frenkie: @Luisito I am so happy I got the opportunity to play alongside you, I wish it could have been longer, but that's football. You definitely deserved a better sending off, and not whatever BS they pulled but ....

Frenkie: Anyways, best of Luck man. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

Riqui: Good save.

Luisito: I appreciate all the messages boys. It has been a pleasure to see all of you grow and evolve. I already am proud of all of you. The future is bright.

Luisito: If they allow it to be.

Riqui: 🙄

Luisito: But they will be gone soon. So there is hope.

JC: Gonna miss having you as my locker-room neighbour dude.

Luisito: Me too kid.

Luisito: Okay, I guess it's time to go now.. Thank you again boys. It really was a privilege to witness such great young talents. See you guys.. Best of luck to you all and continue to fight for this Club especially when it's ran by a bunch of headless chickens.

Luis: Hasta pronto Chicos.💙❤ Força Barça sempre

Luisito left

25 SEPTEMBER 2020

Ansu: um guys.. why didn't anyone ask him about the Leo GC? I really wanted to know who's in it👉🏾👈🏾

Francisco: Didn't really feel like the time to do it...

Ansu: I know, but I'm still curious.

Dembz: Leo, Luis, Neymar and Phil

Riqui: NEYMAR?

Carlitos: Phil?

Dembz: Those were the members. I was only there for a short period. If I remember correctly Luis was trying to prank Neymar.

Riqui: NEYMAR?!

Dembz: Yes I literally just said that.

Carlitos: NEYMAR?!

Dembz: Oh for fuck sake.. Yes him

Carlitos: But why?!

Dembz: How the hell would I know

Pedri: I wonder what happens in that GC

Riqui: So I guess now Luis is gonna leave then Captains gc huh..

Frenkie: And Ivan

JC: He was there too?!

Frenkie: Yes

Riqui: Waaaaaw

Frenkie: I guess the ones who have been here the longest are in it...

Riqui: Why isn't @Carlitos in it.. He has been here since his curls were longer than him

Ansu: 😂😂😂

Carlitos: 🤨

Iñaki: Can we talk about this another day for crying out loud it's 2 am!

Riqui: Okay pops

Francisco: How is it 2 am already!!

JC: I guess Grandpa is right.. we have training tomorrow.

......................

Riqui: HOLY SHIT! HE REALLY DID THAT!! https://www.instagram.com/p/CFjb7KrCMBg/?igshid=9x7k0wm88n3d

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Leo Messi (@leomessi) on Sep 25, 2020 at 1:59am PDT

instagram

Carlitos: AS HE SHOULD!! AS HE FUCKING SHOULD!

Ansu: That last fuck he gave went away with Luisito.

Dembz: 😂

Riqui: But CAN WE BLAME HIM!?

Frenkie: Not one bit

Pedri: The plot keeps thickening.

................

Iñaki: THE COMMENTS!

Dembz: Can they take a hint already?!

Carles: Clearly they cannot

Riqui: They cannot take a hint even if it was offered to them on an overpriced plate

Francisco: What do you guys think will happen in these remaining months?

Riqui: Possibly, but not limited to, burning the place to the ground.

JC: Very encouraging.

Carlitos: We play in 2 days and many of us still don't know what is happening.

Frenkie: I mean, all we can do is try our best I guess.. Not make an even bigger mess.

Riqui: Mess? We are beyond mess.

Dembz: Try to be more positive

Riqui: Alright..

JC: There you go.

Riqui: I am positive we are beyond Mess. 😃🙂😀😄😁👍🏻🤙🏼👌🏻🤟🏻

Dembz: 🤦🏾‍♂️

JC: Bro..

Riqui: I WAS POSITIVE LOOK AT ALL THE SMILING EMOJIS.

Carlitos: We gotta hang in there petit.

Riqui: I know..

Frenkie: We can show them that we are not here to play.

Carlitos: Actually playing is exactly what we are here for Frenks..

Frenkie: You know what I mean!

Francisco: 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Ansu: I am still thinking about the fact that there are 2 side chats beside this one!..

JC: Right?!

Ronald: We should ask around..

Riqui: But then they'll know we know!

Ansu: True.

Pedri: We can always get info without them knowing

Francisco: But eventually they will tie things together and they'll know we know.

Pedri: Not if we know exactly who to talk to.

Dembz: If one more person says the word Know one more time I'm gonna scream.

Riqui: You just did

Dembz: 😱😱😱😱😱 this is me screaming.

Iñaki: We should come up with a plan. Maybe Luis can help.

Riqui: Why not ask Geri? @Carlitos

Carlitos: I would.. But I rather not.

JC: Why

Carlitos: I want to live

Dembz: Last I checked, he doesn't eat people.

Carlitos: Last I checked, none of you guys got pranked by him.

Pedri: 😳

Francisco: Can't be that bad.

Carlitos: He once stole Victor Valdes' gloves and hid them, which made Vic late to training and got fined because of it.. and that was a light prank.

Francisco: 😐😅

Ronald: Okay new plan.. We become friends with him and spare ourselves any future pranks.

Riqui: And what do you think Luis was to him..

Ronald: Shit.. Okay, new NEW plan, we don't ever piss him off and always be on his good side.

JC: So how will we get the dirt.

Iñaki: Luis.

Ansu: Luis.

Frenkie: And Ivan

Riqui: Luis is in both.. or was?

Carlitos: So Luis it is.

Iñaki: 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

#blaugranets gc #babies gc #fc barcelona #luis suarez #riqui puig #carles aleña #ansu fati #frenkie de jong #ousmane dembele #pedri #francisco trincão #jean clair todibo #iñaki peña #ronald araujo #episode 3

23 notes · View notes

orionsangel86 · 5 years ago

Note

So, after a long conversation with super-powerful-queen-slaynna, whom you can thank for me sending this message, so like... if you like it good, if you don't blame them, I do want to apologize for assuming you were saying people can't talk about Destiel, its shippers and how much they dislike it in their group chats. That's what the post came off to me, as if you were policing what people could and couldn't say in these GC about Destiel. Slaynna made me realiza that you meant your post as a 1/2

warning to Destiel shippers who might wander into them. I understand this, because whenever a Destiel shipper follows me, I make it a point to warn them my blog might not be a positive space for them precisely to avoid this sort of unplesant interactions. It also came off as you were invalidating and dismissing the bad experiences people might have had with misbehaving Destiel shippers, which I'm sure you're nice enough NOT to do. My beef is really not with you, or Tink, or any other Destiel 2/?

meta writer, my beef is with shippers who are genuinely hateful and do hateful things. You simply came off as you didn't believe there are Destiel shippers who do these things at all. That say, I won't apologize for venting to like-minded people about my utter dislike for the ship, because we do in fact do that. But I don't think it's fair you walked in on us at that point and extrapolated that's all we do. BTW there is in fact an Anti-Destiel GC and the irony is, if you had walked into that 3/4

one 24hrs earlier, you would have in fact found people gushing about Megstiel and Sastiel, LMAO. 4/4

...

Okay, I’ll give you pointers for being bold enough to come explain this in my ask box, and I commend @super-powerful-queen-slayyna for reaching out to try to calm the stormy seas. I am most likely not going to make any further comments on that post anyway because it has blown out of control and has escalated into a full blown ship war post which I never wanted when I sent it. It’s now Destiel shippers and my friends trying to defend me or people blatantly calling me names and using unnecessary language which I am not even going to acknowledge or give the time of day as I don’t go in for that sort of childish name calling (unless you count my use of the word bronly but some things I think even we can agree are a necessary evil).

My post was a response to my own hurt and irritation at coming across two GCs, one for Sastiel, and one for Megstiel, which were both recommended to me by Tumblr, which were not tagged as anti-Destiel that I could see, that appeared on the surface to simply be places for people to discuss and squee over those ships. In both GCs I saw nothing but hate and lies and other upsetting comments about Destiel and Destiel shippers. It was extremely disheartening to see that in what on the surface appeared to be safe spaces. Because here’s the thing, these shipper GCs should be safe spaces. I have friends that are multishippers, that like Sastiel (and even the odd few who like Megstiel even though admittedly I don’t anymore.) There are plenty of other people out there in fandom that might like all three ships (I’d imagine those people simply want Cas to have all the love in which case SAME).

To get one point very clear, I don’t actually care if people hate Destiel. I’m not going to preach to anyone about Destiel unless someone comes to me directly or comes scrolling my blog. I always tag Destiel so anyone who uses Tumblr blacklist should be able to avoid my blog completely. I would never intentionally go looking in an anti Destiel chat group. I’ve seen it all before anyway and it’s the same old arguments that really don’t affect my shipping preferences or my beliefs.

What annoyed me was that those GCs were not anti Destiel chats. They were Megstiel and Sastiel chats. They were places where impressionable young Megstiel and Sastiel shippers could come across, who have zero feelings towards Destiel, and find themselves being told a bunch of lies and nasty crap about Destiel shippers and the ship. They are places where Destiel shippers who like to ship those other ships too might come across and suddenly find themselves isolated and alienated, which only perpetuates retaliation from those Destiel shippers and potentially causes the hate that you stress is so virulent among Destiel shippers to begin with.

My post was a warning for multishippers who are also Destiel shippers or at least Destiel friendly, that those GCs were being used to spread hate about Destiel. It was also an FYI to the people in those GCs that their hatred was very much public, in case they weren’t aware. I tagged the ships because I wanted people who ship Megstiel and Sastiel to see it, especially if they are Destiel friendly, because yeah, I’d want them to avoid those GCs.

Yes I then got snarky. I claimed that this does kinda prove a point because no Destiel GC that I’ve seen includes a bunch of hate and nastiness aimed at other ships. Sure, there is a high chance that there are hateful Destiel shippers out there. There are certainly a lot of bitter people on Twitter who piss me off when they scream queerbaiting at the writers so yes, of course there are bad eggs. I was shocked that from what I saw, there was no squee or shared theories or excitement about the ships, just page after page of hate aimed at Destiel shippers. So yes, perhaps I happened upon both convos right when those topics cropped up (which would be rather coincidental) and perhaps I had just missed the topics that I was interested in checking out - the theories, the meta, the spec... That’s what I was interested in. Since these GCs are a way to keep a finger on the pulse of what the fandom might be thinking in terms of the show and shipping and I was curious. Believe it or not I actually like to keep an open mind even though Megstiel is something that gives me a bad taste in my mouth ever since I sat myself down and truly thought about it.

I generalised. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but those GC convos pissed me off. I don’t know a single Destiel shipper who would spend hours of their day just ranting about how awful Megstiel shippers are and how much they hate the pairing. I HAVE debated with friends about the suspected infiltration of the Megstiel ship by Bronlies who are using Meg to get Cas out of the way and to be spiteful towards Destiel shippers. This IS something that has been happening in recent years and I think even you admitted that in one of your replies to my post.

I also wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience with hate. I would never do that. The one thing I will say about anon hate in particular is that you don’t know who it is coming from. I occasionally get anon hate but I certainly don’t immediately assume it’s a w*ncest shipper just because I can’t stand w*ncest. Getting a message in your ask box that says “go kill yourself” is horrible, believe me, I know. But if that’s all it is, you can’t assume the sender was a shipper at all. Unless the message was “I ship Destiel and you can go kill yourself” you just can’t assume. If you have had actual Destiel shippers come and attack and threaten you and send you those messages directly then 1. I am so so sorry because no one deserves that kind of abuse, and 2. I hope you exposed them if you could. Because if there is one thing I have learnt about the Destiel shippers in MY circles, it’s that we find that kind of behaviour completely unacceptable and we WILL call it out from our own side if we see it.

The reason I have such a high opinion of Destiel shippers being the “nice” people in fandom is simply because I have never seen that kind of behaviour from them. I interact with a lot of people. I have seen Destiel shippers get overly passionate, I have seen them get upset and angry when people lash out at them. I have seen them turn bitter and negative and go off on rants about the show. I have seen them dog pile on an anti’s post to provide evidence against a false claim “Kripke said he’s straight” and I thought it was a bit much... but it wasn’t hate. It was a reaction to years and years and years of being laughed at, called delusional, mocked and ridiculed by all other sides within the fandom. Destiel shippers are desperate for validation. They are desperate to disprove the lies. If people actually listened to us, or read the countless posts that have been written clearly providing evidence and sources to disprove every lie and false claim against Destiel perhaps we wouldn’t be so defensive. That’s what happens when you’ve been gaslighted for 11 years.

But regardless, I’m not here to get involved in shipping wars. You’ll continue going on hating Destiel, and I will continue going on and, well, not hating, but very much disliking Megstiel in canon (though I have read some very sweet Destiel fics where Meg is Cas’s best friend and enjoyed the characterisations there.)

My post was never to gatekeep and stop you from ranting about Destiel. Rant away to your hearts content. As I said above I really don’t care if people hate it. All I ask, is that you keep that kind of content in places that are clearly labelled as anti Destiel. So that should a Destiel shipper want to check out a Sastiel or a Megstiel GC, they can do, without feeling completely unwelcome and hated on just for enjoying Dean and Cas’s relationship as well. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. All it takes is one tag right? Create your Megstiel GC and by all means rant about Destiel in it, but please just tag it as Anti Destiel.

Thank you for reaching out to me and explaining your side of things. I do appreciate it.

#fandom drama #ship wars #fandom wank #this got long #and is officially the last time i'm talking about it #inkbleeder

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

Scummy GC

Charlie: hope you two are having a very merry sober holiday 😘 Ronnie: just say f u its shorter like Joe: yeah cheers mate 👍 Bronson: I'm gonna go with Feliz navidad bitches 'cause I'm multicultured and it's a bop 🕺🎵 Bea: Always said that about you, babe, bringing the much needed culture, Charlie bringing the class Charlie: she gets it! nothing but genuine festive feelings here kids Bronson: She's a smart girl, always said that about her 🤓🧠 Ronnie: yeah getting knocked up by freckles is well smart Bronson: Don't be bitter 'cause you're barren Karen Ronnie: 🖕 got enough kids to look after here cheers Bea: Stopped you making the big separate claims per kid so isn't an advisable career move for you, no Bronson: 😂 Joe: alright don't need a headache coming at me from this direction as well Ronnie: trouble in paradise? shocker Bea: Turning up and seeing otherwise would be too 💔 I suppose Bea: no need to act like we don't all know the actual problem Ronnie: that my invitation yeah? speaking for mummy dearest now you're playing at being one, that's proper sweet Bea: Just 'cause you're waiting for it to be written in blood Ronnie: or sweat or tears like Ronnie: I'm easy Charlie: this is exactly what I was after Charlie: creating that family christmas vibe, thanks ladies Ronnie: we all know you've got a boner for my ma and stepdaddy Charles the only thing that's shocking is you ain't there with that lot Charlie: shocking in what world Ronnie: the one where you're a step away from wrapping yourself up and getting on their front step baby Charlie: obviously there'd be no greater gift for you than to sulk all alone 'til dear joseph gets back Charlie: but I'm skint 😘 Bronson: Go on and keep pretending I ain't here, it's cool Charlie: OBVS you'll be coming too because you don't 💘 her as much as you love milfy, right ron? Bronson: I mean... 😉 Ronnie: only your backstory is a match for the princess' if we're going for the pity adoption though babe Ronnie: unlucky B boy Ronnie: we're in the cold this year and every Bea: and here's me thinking I'd missed this year's obligatory sob-story film Bea: tah for the recap Ronnie: gotta give you everything you want 💋 Bronson: 🤶💉 Bronson: You're alright, she had a dose of the clap last year Bea: I'm set, oddly enough Bea: and thanks, Bronson Bronson: Have I earned MY seat at the table? 🤞 Joe: crack that joke to my brother and you'd find out, like 😏 Bronson: Reckon I could take him, no offense Charlie: hot Bea: 🙄 Bronson: 🤢 Charlie: 😂 Bea: That all then? Bea: Merry Christmas etc Bronson: 😂 Bronson: Sounds like a Ma, doesn't she? Bronson: Busy busy 🐝 Ronnie: love you too 👑❤🖕 Bea: Obviously Bronson: It's been fun lads! 🙌🍾 Bea: Have to see you some time in the new year, yeah? Bronson: Text me and just me, like Bea: Will do ❤ Charlie: Bit rude when I've not seen you for longer but okay Ronnie: he means leave me out your text chain, yeah? Ronnie: can do Ronnie: don't fuck with stepford wives Charlie: you can dream, babe Charlie: 'tis the season Bea: If I thought I could trust you around pool chemicals Bea: still wouldn't hire you as my poolboy 💔 Ronnie: is it christmas without some casual racism? nah Bea: If I was being racist, I'd have gone with Bron Bronson: Always the bridesmaid Bronson: Thanks though Bea: Exactly, you're welcome Bronson: 🎁🎁🎄🎁🎁 Bea: actual gifts to come Bronson: I posted yours meaning you'll have it by July maybe Bea: 😂 Bea: hopefully they post it right back then Bronson: 🤞 Joe: have a good one 🎄 Joe: back asap Ronnie: be more of a walking greeting card mckenna Joe: think they're usually a lot more flowery than that Joe: but sweet of you to say anyway Ronnie: not how I write 'em but only got so much blood, yeah? Joe: I won't watch the post then Joe: noted Ronnie: don't Ronnie: disappointing you is 🎅s job like Joe: you'd never Ronnie: you wish Ronnie: there's enough loved up couples at your table baby Joe: don't I know it Bea: Could you do this privately Bea: don't need the notifications Ronnie: not coming for your incest 👑 relax Ronnie: you can still be the people's princess Bea: not taking your 🩸ties Bea: deal with it Ronnie: 💔 Bea: you cry more than my kids, honestly Ronnie: give 'em time Ronnie: don't know they're born yet Ronnie: plenty left to fuck 'em up and over Charlie: This is why you aren't being asked to be godmother Charlie: terrible speech, come on now Ronnie: nah it's 'cause you're the biggest fairy she knows Charlie: babe 💘 Charlie: that's more like it Ronnie: 💋 Joe: please don't put the idea of a christening out there Ronnie: gotta save 'em from hell somehow mckenna Ronnie: they'll already be living it Joe: don't start Ronnie: don't tell me what to fucking do like I'm your missus Bronson: Come and get your medicine, Grandma, maybe you'll calm down Ronnie: you either Ronnie: ain't too big to get sorted out Bea: Bless Bronson: NOW it feels like Christmas Bea: and all before the Queen's speech Bea: which obviously, we don't have to endure Bronson: Could be a record Bronson: The festive feels are definitely higher than last year Bea: don't act like you remember 😏 Bronson: Shhh Charlie: You ungrateful brat Charlie: I always do the best christmas Bronson: Calm down, dear, I'm trying to make Bea feel like she's missing out so she'll rush back to save Christmas Charlie: 💡🤓 Charlie: I'll 🤫 Bronson: I'm a smart boy, you should all be saying it about me, like Bronson: I'll pretend to leave so you can have a practice Bea: You're both idiots Bea: but you're both sweet too Bronson: We love you 💞 Charlie: yeah, thanks for letting me hit that before you got wifed, babe Charlie: remember it always 😘 Ronnie: and you pussies want me to shut the fuck up Ronnie: fitz you're the gayest it's hardly a 5 star review Ronnie: bet she wishes she could forget, like Charlie: how dare you erase me Charlie: RUDE Ronnie: you're still here and queer babe Ronnie: can't get rid Charlie: unlucky Ronnie: that's me Ronnie: stuck with yous Charlie: Yeah, yeah and our hearts bleed Charlie: seriously, get some more 🍾 in your glass immediately Ronnie: can be arranged twat 🖕👊💔🩸 Charlie: don't threaten me with a good time Charlie: already having so much fun Ronnie: it's not a threat baby it's a guarantee Ronnie: sit on the 🍾 and shut the fuck up, yeah? Charlie: I'm sorry, shoulda complimented you too Charlie: I remember you were there, don't worry Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: always was, hand and dick holding for you Ronnie: you ain't got enough sweet talk Bronson: 🤢 Bea: I agree Joe: same Bronson: You two are the real married couple Bronson: You're making the kids uncomfortable mum and dad Joe: get a room and a 💍 charles Ronnie: ain't getting one of you, Joseph Joe: not asking to be your third Ronnie: gutted like Charlie: Spring wedding? Charlie: 🌷 🌹 🥀 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Bronson: Bagsie Best Man Bea: Just don't clash with my christening Bronson: I won't let that happen, I've got you Bea: 💕 Bea: worry about them, no one would show Bea: 👑 Charlie: 😱😱😱 Bronson: 😂 Charlie: 👜🌄 Charlie: you ain't pregnant now, sweetheart Bea: don't all rush to defend my honour at once Bronson: I've just decked him IRL Bronson: keeping it Christmassy Joe: fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Ronnie: you two wanna get a room after that love tap Bea: 💚👹

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ilkkijangege · 5 years ago

Text

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭

0 notes

thatsastretch · 6 years ago

Note

Hi Andrew, hope you are well today, hun. Every day the FHC has anons dragging Harry for not posting enough on social media and saying that Harries are really angry with him for not sharing his life. He's been quiet on social media since 2015 and I don't know any Harries who hold it against him, but the FHC is trying to make out people are leaving in droves and that it's really important for him to use social media more like Liam and Niall do. Interested to hear your thoughts.

I’m having a great day thank you for asking. Listen. Harry gon do what he’s gon do. The crazy Harries try to say NO Harries mind and that’s not true. I see them fussing about it. Wanting more content or some little insights here and there. They miss him. That’s not a crime. You know back in 2015 there were Harries who loved his quirky, cryptic tweets and some that didn’t. I don’t think anyone EXPECTS him to do more, but, there are definitely some who WANT more. That’s just normal. It’s not some huge offense or disrespect to feel that way. The biggest problem I have with the more hard core of Harries is that they tolerate NO disappointment from other fans. No one is allowed to say it. Who gave them the right to be the dictators of fandom behavior? Why is there such a toxic environment where people are afraid to say certain things? Even just joking. I don’t know the amount of times I’ve heard in GC and other places where a Harrie will make a comment and everyone immediately is like….DON’T SAY THAT “they’ll” come after you. That’s not cool. Anyway. I’m rambling. Bottom line. I don’t think anyone’s ANGRY except the ones who were already taking issue with Harry in the first place or non Harries. Saying people are leaving in droves is ridiculous and overly dramatic. The only thing that’s truly important is that Harry is true to himself, his music, his vision and that he keeps himself in a safe mental space. If that means no social media…then that’s what that means. Having fans that are a bit disappointed that they don’t get more is not disrespectful to that. it just means that they would like it…not that they are demanding it.

0 notes

flickerfic · 8 years ago

Text

Skateboard Sally: PART 1 - AU SMUT (Kaylor Fic)

Taylor Swift’s knees roughly graze against the asphalt as she falls. Her textbooks scatter about her across the ground, the pages fluttering in the wind. Her long blonde hair tidal waves over her face, momentarily blocking her plain of sight. The cause of her injury? A dirt covered skateboarder girl with a scowl and a stare that could take down a hundred men. Taylor is confused at the girl’s disgruntled expression. She really shouldn’t be the one that looks annoyed in this situation, right?

“Watch where you’re going, dumb fuck!” spits the terrifyingly tall girl, a fresh scuff on her cheek. But the scuff is no comparison to the bloody wounds on Taylor’s knees.

“Karlie, you completely tomahawked her!” laughs an obnoxiously loud voice from up ahead.

Taylor is still dazed when she’s yanked back to her feet, hissing in pain as her knees straighten and stretch out her fresh cuts. Despite all this, her cause of the accident continues to taunt her. The green in her gaze is snake like. Venomous. She’s got her dirty blonde hair tied up in a ponytail. Her tongue is blue from some sort of candy she’s been eating. She’s wearing a red and white t-shirt and black denim shorts. As she begrudgingly helps Taylor up she narrows that devilish stare.

“This is the half pipe not the good girls tennis club,” she leers and picks up her board before skating off to join her other rowdy friends.

Taylor has hardly any time to react to her crude comments and winces again as her knees sting. She hears people come jogging up behind her and she fears it’s another pair of skaters. But she’s relieved to find Selena and Abigail, her two best friends by her side.

“We saw everything, oh my god. Are you all right?” Selena pants, kneeling down to inspect Taylor’s legs. Abigail is picking up her books and sliding them back into her bag.

“You poor thing. What was she saying to you? What a creep, she looked so angry,” the red haired girl rambles. She hands Taylor her bag and joins Selena at her skirt hem to take a look.

“She bumped into me by accident but said I was too close to the pipe thing they skate on,” Taylor says as she holds back tears. She’s not phased by anything that was said to her but her knees sure do hurt.

“What? You’re like ten feet away from that thing! I don’t know what she’s talking about,” Abigail says in an offended tone. “What a child.”

“Let’s take you to the nurse,” Selena suggests eagerly.

Taylor readily agrees and let’s her friends help her limp to the nurses office. She’s met with wide eyes and immediately set down on the bed whilst her friends sit in front of her and wait patiently. The nurse begins to clean the wound with disinfectant while Taylor hisses in agony.

“How exactly did this happen?” the middle aged woman asks. She takes a moment to straighten her John Lennon glasses before dabbing at Taylor’s injury again.

“I was pushed by accident and my knees hit the asphalt,” Taylor explains plainly. That’s really all that happened. Sure she was given some very rude insults afterwards but it was still an accident. Nothing to report in her mind. This wasn’t the mindset of her friends however.

“Taylor, she skated over your textbooks! Bet she didn’t even say sorry,” Abigail explains in disbelief.

“Yeah Taylor, it looked like she was annoyed with you. You need an apology and soon,” Selena adds with her arms folded and legs crossed.

“I don't–” Taylor begins but is interrupted but the nurse.

“Ladies, please. I think this is something you should take to the principal or a guidance counsellor. This person that pushed into you obviously wasn’t very apologetic, correct?” she asks raising a sparse eyebrow at Taylor.

“Well, no. No she wasn’t. But I hate starting things–”

“If you don’t go to someone about it then we are,” Selena says sternly. Now she’s the one that looks deranged and angry.

“Sel, no. I’m begging you,” Taylor groans. Her knees are bandaged up and the nurse let’s them go with a mini first aid kid and a warning to “get that apology”.

“You guys are making a big deal out of this,” Taylor sighs.

“We’re not, we’re helping a best friend,” Abigail insists stubbornly.

They begin to make their way home in the evening sunset. Soon they come to a stop at a lamppost, a landmark for when they part ways for home. Selena is the first to speak about the incident once again.

“Tomorrow me and Abigail are going to a guidance councillor about what happened. Do you remember that girl’s name?”

Taylor sighs and runs her fingers through her short blonde hair. “I think it was Carrie or Carly? Something like that, I’m not sure. I only got her name when her friends called her.”

“It’ll do. We’ll probably be able to pick her out from the group anyway,” Abigail assures with a hand to Taylor’s shoulder.

“You guys really don’t have to do this,” Taylor protests again. She knows her arguments will not be taken to heart. But she gives it every shot she has nonetheless.

“Oh but we are,” Selena says firmly. Saw that coming.

~*~

Taylor is dreading the next day with a fiery passion. She wakes up in a mood and can’t eat. What if her friends went to school early and her aggressive book pusher was waiting to punch her face in? She holds onto her pink schoolbag straps tightly and pays attention to her surroundings. Everyone is just walking on campus to class or sitting on a park bench with breakfast bars and friends. Taylor’s knees are still sore so she’s still wearing a skirt. Anything else just rubs against the bandages when she walks. She feels so on edge and jumps when her phone pings with a new text message. Blushing at her paranoia and avoiding anyones gaze she hurries into the building and checks her iPhone. It’s a message from Selena.

Hey me nd Abi are just coming out of the GC’s office. Ur wanted in room 29!! ❤️

Taylor sighs tiredly. Her anxiety is eating her alive and she just wants to go home. Trudging to her locker she fills it with her books and takes out the ones she needs. Then she reluctantly slinks her way to the guidance councillor to the dreaded room twenty nine.

She stands outside the door and just stares at it for a long time. She even gives herself time to pace a little as she dares herself to knock and step inside. But before she can give herself a running start the door flies open anyway. The thirty year old man with scruffy brown hair greets her with an overly enthusiastic smile.

“Hey, Tay Tay!” he grins.

Taylor restrains herself from rolling her eyes. “Hello, Mr Tweed,” she greets in almost a groan. He grins and beckons her inside.

“And call me Thomas!” he insists as he hops onto his desk and swings his legs off the edge.

Taylor just smiles briefly and then looks around the room. The tall skateboarder is nowhere in sight. Taylor gives Mr Tweed a confused look as she places her bag on her lap, slowly sitting herself down on a couch. “Um, where is–”

“Karlie? She’ll be here in a moment. Your friends have set off with a teacher to find her,” he says with an annoyingly bright smile. He clasps his hands together and points his forward gaze to Taylor. “Now, I understand that you and this girl have had some communication issues?” he asks.

“Something like that. But it’s really not that serious. She accidentally knocked me over and got annoyed. That’s it,” Taylor explains with her arms raised in defence. “I really don’t have to be here at all, I just–”

Her explanations are interrupted by the office door swinging open and nearly crashing into a nearby potted fern. At the door is a seething tower of a girl, red at the cheeks and huffing like a wild animal. She’s dressed in skinny jeans, her same Cardinals shirt, and a ruby red varsity jacket. She storms into the room, slamming the door behind her.

“What the hell do you want!” she yells at Mr Tweed who’s bright smile suddenly vanishes. He straightens up and gives a nervous chuckle. Hopping down from his perch he shoots Karlie some finger guns and smiles awkwardly.

“Karlarino! Racekar! The old Skateboard Sally–”

“Oh for fucks sake, why am I here? Does the little A-line angel want her apology?” Karlie spits furiously.

“Um, first of all, that profanity is not hip, hop, or down with me kiddo,” Mr Tweed says daintily. “And second of all, she’s sitting right behind you.”

Taylor can feel herself shrinking and shrinking. Once that cat like gaze spins around to face her she gulps. “H-Hello, Karlie,” Taylor manages to stammer out.

Karlie laughs in a sort of pitiful mewl. Taylor wishes she wasn’t able to hold a stare so well. “What sort of apology do you want, hon? A kiss on your bare feet? A hand written letter proclaiming how foolish I was and how superior you are to receive an apology?”

Taylor is taken aback by the sheer amount of hate in the girl’s voice. She gulps again, trying to keep her throat in shape to speak. “Karlie, I…” Taylor begins. She briefly looks to Mr Tweed who smiles at her goofily and she sighs before continuing.

“I am aware that what happened was an accident. But…I feel as though your reaction to the incident was…inappropriate. I apologise for getting in your way but I would also like an apology for…for they way you acted.”

Karlie is deathly silent and unblinking. She stares right into Taylor’s soul. Her eyes then catch sight of the girls bandaged knees. They flit up again the meet her. Just when Taylor thinks she’s about to make some form apology, the girl starts to giggle softly. And then chuckle a little harder until finally she’s full on laughing in her face. Karlie holds herself as she comes down from her giggling and even brushes away a tear.

“I’m not apologising for a shitty little accident,” she sneers. Taylor is immediately disgusted. It’s the first time she’s felt a hint of distaste for the girl.

“And why is that?” she dares herself to ask.

“Because it wasn’t my fault. You shouldn’t have been walking around the half pipe. You were in my way and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You got your pretty little knees fucked up?” She slips off her varsity jacket. A long bruise accompanied by a few scattered band aids are revealed along her left arm. “I got this puppy right here. And it bites too.” She tugs the jacket back on. “This whole thing has been a waste of my time and I’d like to leave,” Karlie demands as she faces Mr Tweed assertively.

“Not so fast, Skateboard Sally–”

“Please stop fucking calling me that sir,” Karlie mumbles.

“Ahem, Karlie, because of this lack of an apology or mutual understanding I’m forced to give you two a bonding exercise to sort out your differences!” Mr Tweed says with a loud clasp of his hands.

“Fucking what?” Karlie says.

“May I intrude?” Taylor asks but is not given permission.

Mr Tweed continues. “The two of you will help the photography club with their year book project. You’ll be given a camera to take pictures of what you both think captures the essence of Earths natural beauties. And you’ll be starting Monday of next week. You will report back to me once you’ve learned a lesson. And we will be looking for updates weekly!” he says with that same goofy grin.

“I don’t see how that’s gonna help us resolve anything. It sounds fucking gay,” Karlie sneers deliberately directing the last word of her sentence down Taylor’s way.

“Please explain to me how taking nature photographs is gay,” Taylor says sternly. It’s the first time she’s spoken authoritatively to the girl and so she feels it is an improvement. Of some sort. Taylor has many gay friends, for with her theatre group comes an ensemble of flamboyant characters. And so she feels protective of them and the words taken from them.

Karlie seems amused by her offended tone and grins an evil grin. “Have I triggered you?” she giggles in a low tone. “Are you going to start shaking and screaming at me? Have I inflicted an act of pure violence upon you?” Karlie asks with a dramatic hand over her face mocking distress.

“Violence is physical. What you’ve just done is a childish, careless misuse of an important word. By calling something gay you mock and strip a person of–”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Karlie groans and turns to the guidance councillor again. “Look, I know I’ll get fucking expelled or some shit of I don’t comply to this bull crap. So give me the camera, I’ll take a picture of my left tit, and I’ll shove that in the year book okay?”

Mr Tweed sighs heavily and takes a camera out from behind his desk. He’s about to hand it over but pauses. “If the two of you don’t have at least three decent pictures each within the next month I have no choice but to suspend you both for disorderly conduct.” He says the last part with a very serious expression and Taylor is uncomfortable all of a sudden.

The girls leave the office with an even bigger distaste for one another when they arrived. Karlie scowls in Taylor’s direction and shoves the Nikon camera into her hands. “Take ten dumb photos and send ‘em into Mr Twat when you’re done,” she grumbles.

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Taylor says calmly shaking her head. “I’m taking my three and keeping my place here. "You’re taking your three pictures and that’s how it’s gonna work.”

“Listen up, tennis skirt,” Karlie leers with a pointer finger to Taylor’s chest. “I didn’t ask for this to happen. I don’t have time to look for shitty little pansies or worms in the dirt.”

“Really? Because you sure look like someone that plays in the dirt all the time,” Taylor bites, knowing it’s a bad move but also knowing that Karlie isn’t anything to be afraid of anymore. She’s just a big mood in an even bigger vessel. Dangerous? Yes. Lethal? Not in the slightest.

Karlie scoffs at Taylor’s insult. “What’s that supposed to mean, I’m some sort of dyke? Is that what you’re poking at?”

“You said that not me,” Taylor replies with a raised eyebrow. “And I didn’t ask for this either. So let’s just make a little time to take these silly pictures and then we never have to see each other again. Okay?”

“Do you think I’m some sort of retarded dumb fuck that listens to the likes of you?” Karlie spits.

“I think you’re an exceedingly rude individual that shouldn’t be using the word retarded in that context,” Taylor shoots back cooly.

Karlie sighs and angrily punches a locker beside her causing Taylor to jump. She glares in her direction once more. “Meet me tomorrow in the park at eight. Maybe we’ll find some dead birds or something,” Karlie murmurs.

“Do you want my number? Just so we can contact each other for this,” Taylor asks causally.

“Well I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to get the number of a pretty girl,” Karlie leers. And it turns Taylor’s stomach as she’s reminded of her high school days. Pretty little girl was the usual nickname for her. She writes her number on a slip of paper and hands it to Karlie. The taller girl beams her evil grin and then scowls immediately after as she adjusts the straps of her school bag and storms off.

What an angry human being, she thinks to herself. She sighs and makes her way to her first class. These next few weeks were going to be no easy feat.

~*~

Selena swings her legs back and forth as she lies on her tummy on Taylor’s bed painting her nails. Abigail is shaving her legs in the en suite bathroom with the door open. Taylor has her head against the wall and typing away on her laptop. A turned down speaker plays Beyoncé’s Lemonade. A girly Friday night in at Taylor’s apartment is a fan favourite amongst her trio of friends.

Selena attempts licking up a few kernels of popcorn from the bowl beside her so as not to ruin her nails. “Sorry we got you kind of the opposite of what you wanted today,” she says. “Now you’re stuck with that beast of a thing.”

“I didn’t really want anything today but it’s all right. And she’s not a beast she just has an attitude,” Taylor replies simply, not looking up from her laptop.

“I don’t know why you’re defending her,” Abigail says from the bathroom. She wipes down her clean shaven legs. “It’s not like she deserves to be stood up for.”

“I think Taylor has a crush on the girl,” Selena teases.

“Very funny,” Taylor replies. “You get all protective of me when I’m pushed to the ground and then joke about me liking her? Kind of messed up,” Taylor murmurs.

Selena winks over at Abigail who rolls her eyes. “Lay off, Sel.”

“Oh come on, take a joke!” the brunette giggles. “Hey, maybe you can turn her good or something. Use your innocent good girl charm to convert her.”

“To what? A slightly even more constantly annoyed version of herself? She’s not a movie villain, Selena,” Taylor says but a light chuckle shines through. “Listen, I don’t think she’s as big a deal as you guys might have thought. I’ll be fine.”

“Whatcha looking up?” Selena asks referring to Taylor’s laptop.

“…Nothing,” Taylor murmurs.

“It’s Karlie’s Facebook. I can see it from here,” Abigail calls from the bathroom as she layers moisturiser on her legs.

“Taylor!” Selena laughs.

“I was just curious!” Taylor exclaims, trying to close the laptop slightly when Selena crawls over.

“Her profile pictures? Ooh, you’ve got it bad,” Selena giggles.

“I was just looking,” Taylor says trying her best to sound nonchalant. Of course she doesn’t have a crush. She doesn’t even like the girl. But she is rather pretty…in a dirty, tomboy sort of way. Her Facebook profilers consist of pictures of her holding lighters or smoking with friends as the full moon glows behind her. Leant against graffitied walls or in mid air with her skateboard clutched skilfully underneath her. Taylor almost giggles softly at the one of her with a Playboy magazine in a busy cafe as a joke. There’s a cheeky smirk on her face and the whole thing is blurred slightly, the person holding the camera obviously trying to take the picture hastily.

“Taylor you’re fucking blushing,” Abigail laughs. Taylor hadn’t noticed her peer over her shoulder.

“Am not,” Taylor mumbles bashfully.

“Her interests are heavy metal, Satan, and Die Antwoord,” Selena reads out in an unimpressed tone. “What a wannabe.”

“Okay I’m just gonna close this,” Taylor says as she promptly shuts her laptop.

“Sorry! Sorry, didn’t mean to pry,” Selena says with her arms raised in defeat.

“Yeah we did,” Abigail says deadpan.

“Yeah, we kinda did,” Selena admits and then giggles at herself. “Come on, let’s put on The Aristocats and tell spooky stories after.”

Karlie is swiftly forgotten about for the rest of the night.

~*~

Taylor waits in the park the next morning for Karlie at the time specified. She’s dressed in a cream lace skirt that just comes around her bandaged knees. She’s wearing a light blue blouse with a ribbon collar. Her freshly washed hair is kept back with a baby pink headband and it falls neatly around her shoulders. As she waits for Karlie on a park bench she reads a book and swings her legs idly. She’s not worried about today. She refuses to make herself worried.

“Well hello there Alice in Wonderland,” greets an approaching voice. Karlie rolls up to her with her hands stuffed in that same varsity jacket, her long hair flowing behind her. She ollies and lands on her feet, the skateboard clung to her side. She’s dressed in the same clothes as yesterday bar the shirt which is now a plain smoky grey one. She stuffs one hand in her skinny jeans and sighs heavily. “We gonna take some shots of a dogs asshole or what,” she murmurs.

Taylor closes her book and puts in her satchel. “We’re supposed to take pictures of beautiful things in nature. Is that your idea of beauty?” She feels confident in her backfire. Maybe she’ll have fun today.

Karlie spits. Not at Taylor but to the side very close to her feet. Taylor glares at her but Karlie winks back and snaps her backpack straps. “Why take pictures of boring shit like plants when you can get a nice detailed close up of a poodles anus?”

Taylor almost snorts at the comment but manages to keep her collected demeanour. She wants to remain the control in this project. She’s not letting Karlie’s slacker attitude get in the way of that. "Plants can be interesting. Maybe we’ll find some ladybirds on them.“

"Maybe we’ll find some ladybirds on them,” Karlie repeats in a high pitched mockery of Taylor’s voice. “I know a place where we can find something real cool. Come on, it’s not far,” she says and hops on her board.

“Where is it?” Taylor asks, wary about if Karlie is actually wanting to take pictures and contribute to the project.

“You’ll see,” Karlie replies with a dark smile.

Taylor brushes off the uneasy feeling in her stomach and follows behind Karlie as she glides along the path. They walk and skate for about fifteen minutes and Taylor begins to grow unfamiliar with her surroundings. Her city is large and there’s plenty of places she hasn’t been to before. Karlie is quickly introducing her to one. Taylor’s gut is twisting into knots once she sees that Karlie is leading her to some sort of public walking trail at the edge of a forest. Are they going to take pictures of trees?… Or is Karlie going to tie her to a tree and leave her for the foxes.

“So we are taking nature photos. You’ve surprised me I must say,” Taylor says.

“Oh I’m full of surprises,” Karlie says without looking behind her. There’s something off about her voice. She’s hiding something in it but Taylor can’t figure out what. The taller girl hops off her skateboard and hooks it to special straps on her backpack. Taylor walks cautiously behind her as Karlie chooses a trail and leads the way.

“Sh-Should I get the camera out or–”

“Oh, you can give that to me actually,” Karlie says over her shoulder.

“Uh, okay,” Taylor mumbles and roots around her satchel to fish it out. She hands it to Karlie and they keep walking in silence. Taylor grows nervous and squeezes at the cat shaped stress ball in her bag. She suddenly doesn’t feel as confident as she did half an hour ago. “Where are we–”

“Shhh, we’re here,” Karlie interrupts. Taylor halts in her tracks and takes in their surroundings. They’ve come to a stop in the middle of a trail. Up ahead is a decrepit tool shed the size of a small room with a sign on the rusty that warns hikers to keep out. Karlie turns to Taylor with that evil grin on her face. “Why don’t we take a look inside?” she leers.

In Taylor’s heart something clicks. She’s in danger right now and there’s no one around to help her get out of it. She thinks about texting someone but Karlie’s eyes are locked on Taylor’s. She’s well and truly trapped under the girl’s cat like gaze. Taylor’s eyes flit to the shed. The only way in is the rusty red door. There are no windows. Karlie leads Taylor to the creepy looking building and knocks on the metal entrance.

“Anyone home?” Karlie asks pretending to be waiting for an answer. Taylor is standing a few feet away from her. She’s ready to bolt off in the other direction should she have to. She’s telling herself there’s nothing in the shed and that Karlie is just playing a joke, but her heart is pounding so hard against her chest it’s hard to focus.

“Why don’t we take a look inside?” Karlie says and opens the shed with a loud metallic creak. She gestures for Taylor to step in.

Taylor bites her lip. “We’re not allowed in there. Can we move on?” she asks in a quiet voice.

“Aw you’re not scared are ya? Go on, what could possibly be in here?” Karlie says. Her voice is so condescending now and it’s totally putting Taylor on edge.

Taylor quickly shakes her head, “No, I don’t want to.”

Karlie suddenly lurches forward and takes her wrist, tugging her forward slightly. “Please, I insist there’s something really interesting in here.” Her tone is gruffer now. She’s forgetting to put on her dumb character.

“Let go!” Taylor demands but her voice is so shaky.

Karlie is strong and pulls Taylor into the dark tool shed. The door is abruptly slammed shut behind her and Taylor is separated from the outside. Karlie managed to stay outside too, leaving the girl all alone in the darkness. She screams and spins around to pound on the metal. “Hey, let me out! What’s going on!” Taylor whimpers. She can feel tears pricking at her eyes but she blinks them back. This was the joke. This is as far as Karlie is going. This is nothing to cry about.

Karlie is laughing from outside. It’s muffled due to the concrete walls, which make it sound even more ominous. Taylor places a hand on her chest to steady her breathing. She knows a panic attack is about to ensue and tries to choke it down. But there’s nothing that can stop the weakness that is suddenly present in her knees. Her injuries aren’t helping the shakiness either. Taylor leans against the cold metal of the door, her hands pressed to it for dear life. She stares off into the shed. It’s pitch black. Taylor is chewing so hard on her lip she tastes copper as a thin trail of blood rolls down her chin. Karlie isn’t laughing outside anymore. In fact Taylor can’t hear anything anymore. She tries to yell Karlie’s name but her voice box has shrivelled up to nothing. When she speaks it’s a dry airy rasp. Suddenly something falls on the floor inside the shed. It’s a metallic clinking sound as if someone has dropped a penny. This noise is followed by a hushed giggle. No, giggles. There are people in here and who knows how many. It goes quiet again.

Now Taylor is sweating. What are they going to do to her? Has Karlie asked her delinquent skateboarder friends to beat her up for getting her into this situation? Is Karlie more than Taylor suspected? She’s suddenly hating herself for trying to give the girl a second chance. The deathly silence that surrounds Taylor is deafening. She knows she heard those giggles a few minutes ago. How long has she even been in here? It feels like hours. Finally she gets the courage to try and open the door again. It’s too heavy.

In a split second a loud screaming comes from inside the shed. Taylor screams too, placing her hands around her chest protectively. She feels hot tears trickle down her cheeks and she tries desperately to pull or push opens the door. To make things even more horrifying, hands roughly grab at her ankles and a chorus of screaming and malicious laughter emanate from the shadows. Taylor screams back, terrified for her life until suddenly the door swings open and she tumbles to the dirt. The shrieking from inside suddenly turns to plain unadulterated laughter. A trio of darkly dressed figures spring from the shed, two boys and one girl. They tower around Taylor still shaking on the ground. Perfect, now her elbows are scratched up too.

“Look at her dumb little mouth wobbling,” scoffs one of the boys, a blue haired character with too many piercings. “Looks like a goldfish.”

“You scared we were gonna slit your throat and harvest your organs, huh?” sneers the girl, a beanie wearing young lady with a brown leather choker.

The third man, who’s straight up wearing a skunk onesie with the hood raised, turns to Karlie. “Take the picture, Karls,” he smirks.

Taylor slowly but shakily turns her head to face Karlie. She’s holding the camera they’re supposed to be using for the project in her hands close to her chest. Taylor tries to read Karlie’s face and finds that she looks…concerned? Her mouth is slightly agape as if she’s been gasping. Her brow is furrowed and her eyes are flitting about the scene, unsure of what to make of it. Taylor is breathing like a rabbit under the watchful gaze of the three dark figures, who she’s now aware are indeed Karlie’s skateboarder friends.

“Come on, Kar! Take the fucking picture and let’s ditch like you said,” demands the piercing boy.

Karlie lifts the camera higher but doesn’t take her eyes of of Taylor’s tearful face. She stares ahead solemnly and then raises the view finder to her eye. Taylor gulps and prepares herself for humiliation. Mere seconds pass before Karlie shakes her head and abruptly brings the camera back down.

“No, I’m not gonna do that.” she mumbles quietly.

All three of her friends look baffled by her change of heart. Skunk boy puffs his cheeks out in disbelief. “Very funny, come on and hurry this up. We gotta go buy new wheels, remember?”

“I am not taking the picture,” Karlie says slowly and firmly. “Step away from her,” she adds as she walks towards them. They do as told, looks of complete confusion on their faces. Karlie reaches out a hand for Taylor to take. She looks at it, still shaken from everything that is happening all at once. Fortunately Taylor trusts Karlie and is carefully helped to her feet. Karlie helps her sling her book bag over her shoulder again.

“Go get wheels without me,” she tells her trio.

“But Kar–”

“Go.”

Her friends back off and see no point in questioning any further. They awkwardly turn and begin to Tom away from the two. “You’re being a cunt today!” yells piercing boy over his shoulder. Karlie stares him off and watches as they disappear down the path. She then turns to find Taylor speedily heading the opposite direction.

“Hey, where are you going?” Karlie calls as she runs after her.

“Leave me alone,” Taylor mutters as she grips her satchel to her side. She keeps her eyes straight ahead, avoiding Karlie’s gaze. She wipes a few leftover tears away with the back of her dirtied hand.

“Hey listen, I didn’t know the guys would scare you that bad. Usually people just get freaked out or pissed at us when we do shit like that. I didn’t think you’d cry, honest. Are you listening?” Karlie rambles.

“They broke my hairband!” Taylor exclaims, her voice breaking at the end of her sentence. She waves the plastic hairpiece in Karlie’s face for a brief moment and continues to walk on.

“I’ll buy you a new one! Just please listen to me,” Karlie begs.

“No, I don’t want to listen to you any further!” Taylor yells. “All you’re doing is trying to defend yourself and your stupid bully friends and it’s pathetic! You haven’t even said sorry, I can’t believe you.”

Karlie is dumbfounded by Taylor’s croaky but passionate outburst. She continues to follow the girl and beg her to listen to the fact that “It was a joke” and that she “Didn’t think it was that bad.”

“Karlie, just leave me alone!” Taylor finally utters. Fresh tears are beginning to spill down her reddening cheeks and she sprints off ahead of her.

“Taylor, wait!…Taylor?” Karlie calls but comes to a slow and watches as the blonde runs out of sight. Her broken hairband is lying on the ground in front of her. She picks it up and sighs as she inspects the dusty decoration. It’s a hard plastic thing with pink ribbon wrapped around it. And it is most definitely snapped in two.

#kaylor fanfiction

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