#anyway make more mini series and less films NOW!!!!!

[cursemewithyourkiss]

Whenever people are comparing literary adaptations and go well of course it's going to be very compressed it's a film! the adaptation can't help that! Like... I'm sorry but film is just one medium and if you choose a certain medium you're responsible for the consequences. They could've made a mini series but they didn't. I will complain about the story being compressed!

[bagadew]

Tagged by @vonlipvig

Last song I listened to: We Like to Party (aka The Vengabus) by the Vengaboys. This damn song arrived inexplicably in my head this morning and WILL NOT leave. In an attempt to exorcise it like the demon it is, I listened to this song in its entirety. Unfortunately this didn’t work, and I now know more words to The Vengabus (it’s coming and everybody’s jumping, New York to San Francisco an intercity disco)

Last book I read: Which Way to Anywhere by Cressida Cowell, the writer of How To Train Your Dragon, doing a sci-fi story, of course I read and enjoyed this. I loved the dynamic between the siblings, the cool morally grey space teen, and watching a small magic baby forcibly adopt the space equivalent of OG Alvin the Treacherous. There were other less funny things I enjoyed (like the neat way it conveyed the fact that Daniel is living in a house that is effectively being haunted by his wife’s ex husband) but to be honest I don’t have the time to really go off on one, and this only makes sense to like 1% of you anyway.

Last film I watched: Oh jeez, it’s been a fair few weeks since I watched a film, and I sort of fried my brain with my own filming schedule. I’m 75% sure it was Kill Bill part 2 though, cos my brother and I realised we’d never seen The Kill Bill films, and it seemed like it would be our jam (and it was).

Last TV series I watched: Shogun. I’ve been watching it with my family every week, starting because Dad had read the book and wanted to watch it. As someone who knows basically nothing about that period of Japanese history, I’m finding it very interesting, and I feel like, weirdly, I’m getting a better understanding of some of the cultural influences behind some of the Japanese fiction I already know and enjoy.

Last video game I played: Trauma Center Under the Knife. Both a bastard game that I hate and a brilliant game that I love. The characters and story are great and I love them, but I’m pretty sure surgery is the thing I am worst at in this life and I should be struck off and never allowed in an operating theatre again. I am currently trying to kill an evil spider that lives on the heart of a child experiment (because this game is wild) and I am slightly scared that this isn’t the final boss of the game. In a thousand different universes that child has died of heart spider, but heart spider has to get lucky a thousand times… The Flailing Muppets Who Possess Derek Whenever He Does Surgery only has to get lucky once!

Last thing I googled: Trauma Center Savato strategy. Look The Flailing Muppets Who Possess Derek Whenever He Does Surgery needs all the help she can get, ok?

Last thing I ate: 3 packets of mini eggs. I got a lot of Easter chocolate to eat through.

Sweet, savoury or spicy: I alternate between preferring sweet and savoury dependant on an unknowable force beyond my control or understanding. Right now I like sweet things the best (hence the chocolate eggs).

Amount of Sleep: Full 8 hours baby! I finally fixed my sleep schedule out of necessity of not dying last week!

Currently Reading: Gideon the Ninth! Turns out this book is really good, I can see why you guys like it so much.

Currently watching: A documentary on Honey Ants, these creatures are cool and fucked up in a way I would love to apply to humans in a work of fiction. Living larders for instance are an incredibly messed up idea.

Tagging: @thelastlivingme @bluejaybytes @lightflame @saltykrispycake and whoever else wants to do it!

[professorofcosplay]

New and Veteran Cosplayer Tips for low/no waste cosplay for the planet and your budget!

Howdy! Starting a little mini series on this! I’m not going to repeat stupid stuff you already know like “go to the thrift shop” or “use what’s already in your closet”. That stuff’s pretty obvious (though, definitely do go to the thrift shop and avoid directly supporting Temu/shein/other nasty crap that’s from slave and underpaid labor, can’t hold up to use and abuse, and will end up in a landfill after one wear).

Getting the Costume Basics

The tablecloth/curtain section at the thrift!

    Ren faire goers rejoice!  You know those funky fleur and gorgeous patterned curtains they sell for peanuts at the thrift?  They make AMAZING cloaks or if you’re handy with sewing, stays, corsets, skirts, dresses, anything!  It’s a great way to get neat, durable fabrics for cosplays or just for patterning practice for a lot less than at a crafting store. 

2. University move out days

So cool tip for you: I’ve adjuncted for a few different universities and they all had one thing in common. When move out day comes, they always have big old donation bins. Now, those will normally go to thrift stores, so me and some of my crafty peers sometimes go and poke through them to see if there’s anything we want to use for our cosplays. We’ve found everything in there from foreign fashion from international students to jumpsuits to costumes that college students are done with. Fun fact: I haven’t had to buy jackets, shoes, or tee shirts in three years! (Protip: I always checked the dorm where all the art and film students lived. You sometimes even find their old props and costumes there.) Awkward?  A bit sometimes. But the money you save and potential to find awesome stuff is amazing!   And, oftentimes, you can make a likeminded friend or two digging through the bins!

3. Some cities also have a buy nothing page on Facebook or something of that sort that you can browse to get stuff for free or barter and trade for. All of its stuff people were going to throw out or donate to a thrift store anyways, so it’s helpful for everyone (and the Earth).

4. This one seems like a given but if you want to be an eco-friendly cosplayer, DO NOT CON CRUNCH! Plan things out ahead of time. Post progress shots if you must. I find it keeps me on track to actually following through and making things. However, con crunching leads to buying cheap crap online and making things that are more likely to break (and therefore, end up in the landfill). Have a costume or two already completed, even when you have no convention, meet, or photoshoot in sight, so you’ll have something to wear to avoid the pinch!

Go forth and create!

[tarosin]

The great adventures of y/n tubbo jack niki and george

requested:yes/no

pairing: platonic y/n,tubbo,jack,niki and george

summary: minecraft cave in real life

content warning: cursing

an: the word love is used a couple times but this is all platonic <3 i still don’t know how to add read more on mobile i am sorry about that, part 3 to great adventures series

it was around 4 am when the heat became a problem, unable to sleep you grabbed your phone and decided to facetime ranboo just as he was ending stream

“hey boo...you look like you’ve seen a ghost what the fuck were you doing”

“fnaf vr”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad you’re being dramatic”

“okay we shall see how you like it when I make you play it when I’m in the UK”

“okay bet I’ll add it to our list of videos and stream ideas anyway I can't sleep it’s too hot and I’m so confused as to why Tommy keeps asking me if I like and I quote being high”

“tubbo was telling me about that he keeps teasing him about planes you never know maybe you’re all going on an international adventure... or being pushed out a plane”

“doubt it there’s no way Tommy would pull something as crazy as jumping out a plane it would be pretty cool, I was thinking about doing it for my birthday”

“with a parachute? I hope”

“eh with or without, either way, is fine for me”

an hour passed you and ranboo sat talking about what was happening tomorrow and how you wished he was going to be there with you, after all, you knew how it felt to be watching people you care about making plans and doing things without you.

“didn’t you say you were going to a cave tomorrow? Minecraft in real life, nice”

“I’m begging please touch grass”

“I’ve already done that it made me want to become an engineer now get some rest y/n you’ll be getting up in a few hours, I’ll call you tomorrow goodnight”

“see you tomorrow I love you”

*y/n has ended the call*

•••

when you woke up at 9 you couldn’t shake off the awful feeling you had, today just didn’t feel like a good day you needed some time to yourself to recharge however you knew you’d be okay later on

Niki: good morning y/n!! would you like us to pick you up now or do you need a bit longer

y/n: don’t worry about it I’ll make my own way!! :]

Niki: okay see you soon!!

George: we will pick you up in an hour and a bit

Tommy: wait what are you guys doing

tubbo: following jack and Niki around

y/n: what he said

Tommy: have fun then guys without me

y/n: don’t you have work to do big guy

Tommy: don’t you have to get ready

y/n: leave me alone

•••

soon enough you saw jacks car pull up outside so you grabbed your bag from the other day as it still had everything you needed except this time you decided to bring along a mini first aid kit as you knew your clumsiness and a cave wouldn’t mix well. now you were fully awake you couldn’t wait to go explore the caves, you sat next to Niki who decided to play with your hair and spent half of the journey on a call with an unhappy Tommy who was in college waiting to go to lesson the other half of the journey was spent singing along to the radio

•••

jack started recording and turned around to see you Niki and tubbo leaning over looking down at the floor

“oh hi jack” you waved at the camera “so what’s the plan of action”

“we’re going up there”

you loved heights so hearing that you were going to go on a cable car made you pretty excited once you all got into the car you and George tried opening all the windows whilst tubbo complained

“stop trying to open things”

“it’s a window”

“scared you’re going to get pushed over the edge hmm? scared you’ll have to free fall? it’s not that high you'd probably survive the fall, it’s not like I'm trying to open the door on a plane”

“y/n I mean this in the nicest way possible I’m never going on a plane with you”

tubbo laughed and joined the conversation “we shall see about that”

you tilted your head to the side and blinked a few times trying to process what he just said

“heh?”

“tubbo if we fell we would die right”

“you know jack I've done a lot in my life”

you took the phone from jack and began filming him and George

“why is it slowing down”

“we’re going to die”

“I didn’t bring enough food”

you sat laughing at your friends' reaction before explaining that it’s slowing down for a reason

“they’re slowing it down so you can jump out, what I didn’t tell you is there’s actually a parachute underneath where you’re sat, good luck gamers”

“We could probably climb out the window”

“NO, where do we go”

you just sat shaking your head laughing whilst your friends sat screaming about it stopping

“y/n we’re going to die”

“oh no.. let me just text ranboo to start planning our funerals”

eventually, the cable car began moving just very slow you then ended the recording after jack made jokes about it moving as fast as a George video comes out, you all then spent the rest of the time enjoying everyone’s company.

•••

tubbo noticed a park and ran to the ropes giving you time to update your community a stream will be happening later on

y/n has tweeted: I am outside, stream with ranboo when we get home :]

you laughed as you posted that as all the comments started rolling in questioning if ranboo had come to the UK. you walked back to your group and wrapped your arms around jack and Niki making them both jump out of shock

“Sorry about that ahah now if you don’t mind I want to play in the park”

they laughed as you ran to the rope trying to swing without falling that’s when you gave up and started climbing the net close to Niki.

“that’s not a swing George”

jack ran towards them “I’m getting on the swing with George”

Niki laughed as she recorded what was happening in front of her, she looked to her left expecting to see you stood next to her however she heard you laugh and run towards your friends

“I’m getting on the swing with tubbo”

a few moments later George pointed out a castle and tubbo mentioned the ‘wet rocks’ you just stood with your arm around Niki's shoulders enjoying the view of the castle that was until a dog caught your attention and you walked off to go ask if you could pet it

“Niki where’s y/n they were with you last”

“with the dog”

“tubbo when they come back just follow the path towards the castle, me and Niki are going to record”

“got it, boss man”

•••

after a few minutes, you walked back to tubbo and George realising jack and Niki weren’t there you tilted your head shrugged then sat next to tubbo on the swings as George began recording

“jack and Niki have left us but we’re having fun on the swings..”

“maybe we’ll lick some rocks”

“YEAH”

•••

“if we’re quiet we can sneak up on them”

the three of you ran down the path towards the start of the castle steps looking at the cameras that allowed you to see the top of the castle

“there they are”

“they’re vlogging”

“We can just see them through the castle cameras they have no idea we can see them”

you stood leaning against George until you all noticed they were about to make their way back down the steps so all ran off to hide

“there they go”

the three of you ran back down the path ignoring the stares from strangers and comments about how your hair was obnoxiously bright, the three of you scared the pair who were looking for you all

“I’ve never been less displeased to see George”

the five of you continued walking around after joking about the green water and questioning George on how he could tell what colour it was

“I’m a genius”

a few fans can over and took photos with you all and George began questioning them

“George you’re really self-promoting right now”

“George I am disappointed in you”

•••

“dude it’s boiling”

“ice cream?”

the five of you stood inline

“I’m dying to tubbo”

“I’m not going to ask questions, I love how you just accepted defeat”

“you’re next y/n” tubbo let go of George and began walking towards you

“FUCK OFF NO” you ran behind George and used him as a shield

“y/n George isn’t going to protect you”

“I will y/n don't worry tubbo fuck off” the three of you stood laughing not realising jack was walking towards you all with the ice cream

“thank you”

“you’re welcome how’s the ice cream”

“great thank you”

you laughed at jack who somehow managed to get ice cream on his nose

•••

you and tubbo noticed a wishing well and walked over to it

“wanna make a wish”

“yeah but we have no money”

you both looked at each other then at jack them looked back at each other and nodded

“what are you two doing”

“We wanna make a wish”

“come on give me your money”

everyone stood laughing at you and tubbo determined to make a wish whilst jack argued he had no money however tubbo noticed a £20 note and grabbed it

“y/n quick make a wish”

the pair of you held the note and then dropped it into the well

“yay!!”

“We made a wish”

the pair of you walked off whilst jack stood telling you both how he can’t believe you and the pair of you had stolen over £100 from him today making you both laugh

“tell me the wish”

“We can’t or it won’t come true”

•••

“right cave time”

“we’re going to die”

“well thanks for that George”

you stood next to tubbo trying to ignore your friends as they made comments about there being mobs like creepers in the cave

“you two really need to go outside more”

everything was going well for you until the worker said to everyone

“I think we do have some kids here who are doing a vlog”

you could feel your cheeks heating up from embarrassment although you loved your job you still weren’t used to people pointing it out

•••

“This cave has a door”

“naturally formed door”

“y/n tubbo were in the caves, where are the diamonds”

you pointed in a random direction then continued walking whilst tubbo kneeled examining the rock claiming there were diamonds, as you all kept walking you had to put up with tubbo jack and George making Minecraft jokes whilst Niki followed behind them staying rather quiet, everyone’s as focusing on the cave not saying much till George spoke up

“it’s turned into a horror movie”

“why’s the cave so low why can’t they just dig up”

“y/n did you really just ask that”

“yes I did my neck hurts from ducking under the rock”

“so sorry to hear that”

“thank you for your concern George”

“I’m not concerned”

“oh-“

the tour continued and you were genuinely having a good time, you found all the different rocks and information given to you by the worker fascinating and slowly stopped listening to what your friends were saying behind you

“so this little tunnel up here is where they would send the kids”

“off you go tubbo and y/n”

“please no”

you all continued for a while till you were told you were going in the dark despite the fact you were excited you were also very afraid of the dark so stood closer to tubbo who instantly noticed and pulled you into a side hug

“we’re going dark”

“oh wow that is the only source of light”

a minute or so later they turned on some softly coloured led lights so you could all look at the geode

“holy shit that’s beautiful”

“I thought a geode was a small animal”

“that’s a pokemon dude”

you were all given time to go for a wander however rather than walking with the others you decided to stay with the geode and started a group call with ranboo and Tommy

“hi guys can’t stay long break is almost over”

“that’s okay Tommy but look at this giant fucking rock”

you flipped the camera so they could see and went around showing them parts of the cave

“holy shit”

“looks great y/n”

“cool right I have to go the worker wants us to get ready to leave see you all soon”

“wait y/n one last question, how are you with heights”

“oooh I’m great I love them we went in a cable car earlier”

“awesome see you all later”

*Tommy left the call*

“I’ll call you when I get home boo I’ll see you soon!!”

“bye y/n stay safe”

*ranboo has left the call*

*y/n has left the call*

as you all left the cave you and tubbo noticed two rocks and went to pick them up

“hey look our wish came true”

“yeah we wished for a weird looking rock when we left the cave”

“you paid £20 for a rock”

“yes”

a few minutes later you and tubbo just started walking away only to be later followed by everyone else

“where are you going”

•••

you all got the cable car back at this point you were exhausted you used all your energy running around the cave determined to show Tommy and ranboo everything

“What did you all think of the cave”

“loved it”

“you lost your rock tubbo?”

tubbo pulled out the rock and smiled at jack

“no, I didn’t”

“but you chucked it”

“told you we wished for a magic rock”

jack finished the recording and you all just sat talking about your day and any future plans

•••

the journey back home was extremely quiet you and tubbo sat next to each other, you fell asleep with your head resting on his shoulder, Niki sat in the front with jack quietly singing along to the radio and George and tubbo quietly spoke to each other trying not to wake you up.

when you finally got home you woke up on your couch confused as to how you got there it was only when you checked your phone you got the answer

Niki: you looked exhausted we didn’t want to wake you, hope you don’t mind. your keys are on the table next to your bag!! see you soon it was lovely meeting you <3

you decided to reply thanking your friends for today.

•••

*incoming call: ranboo*

you accepted the call

“hey y/n tell me all about your day whilst you get ready to stream I'm already set up”

“oh they’re gonna be so annoyed I've joined in with making jokes about you being in the UK anyway so my day was pretty good but I did end up asleep on my couch and had no idea how I got there”

“heh?”

“let me explain”

[scotianostra]

Happy  Birthday the Scottish actor Peter Mullan born 2 November 1959 in Peterhead.

I love Peter’s work and rate him as highly as Brian Cox and If ever there was a story of rags to riches it is Peter Mullan, born in Peterhead the family later moved to Mosspark in Glasgow. Mullans father was a drunken violent man but despite this Peter did well at school, at least till the age of 14 when the climate at home forced him out onto the streets and into a gang, spending less and less time at school. In his own words he was aggressively lobotomising himself but admitted he kept up his reading on the sly “You couldnae tell the gang you were reading Carl Jung.” he said.

I’m not sure his heart was in the gang culture as he says he was “kicked out” after a couple of years, he returned to school and sailed through his Highers and started at Glasgow University at 17. His dad died of lung cancer on his first day. Mullan studied economic history and drama and despite suffering a nervous breakdown in his final year still managed to graduate. He went on to teach drama at Borstals, prisons and community centres while becoming involved in the left-wing theatre movement that flourished in Scotland in the 1980s. In 1987 he made his professional acting debut with the Wildcat theatre company in a political pantomime.

Bit parts in Scottish films and TV series followed, The Steamie, Taggart, of course, and Rab C Nesbitt, as well as The Big Man and in Braveheart, he uttered the words, “We didn’t come here to fight for the” Danny Boyle, Shallow Grave and Trainspotting were another two films that Mullan served his apprenticeship in.

The breakthrough came when Ken Loach chose him in the title role of “My Name is Joe” he gave a brilliant portrayal Jekyll-and-Hyde character , a recovering alcoholic whose humanity and warmth masked a frightening capacity for brutality. He won his first award at Cannes as Best Actor for the role.

Around the same time Mullan was starting to get into directing, three surreal comic dramas set in the Glaswegian working-class world and then his first full length film, he not only directed but wrote the excellent Orphans an odyssey of four working-class siblings roving round Glasgow in the 24 hours after their mother dies. Channel Four, who funded the film chose not to distribute it as they didn’t think it would attract a large commercial audience.

The film however was shown at Film festivals around Europe and won numerous awards, in interviews, Mullan has said that once Orphans started winning awards Channel Four apologised and asked if they could distribute it, an offer he refused.

Since then Peter Mullan has not looked back, directing and penning The Magdalene Sisters and Neds as well as starring in amongst others, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, War Horse, Hector and Tommy’s Honour, on the small screen he was one of the main characters in ITV series The Fixer, The BBC Two drama Top of the Lake, and in the excellent drama series Gunpowder.

More up to date Peter has appeared as Jacob Snell in the first two seasons of the Netflix series Ozark, all  three series of the BBC Two sitcom Mum and a recurring role in the popular TV reboot of Westworld. He has also starred in the Netflix fantasy drama Cursed. We will next see Mullan alongside Colin Farrell and Tom Courtney in the BBC series The North Water.

Peter was also one of the participants of the National Theatre of Scotland’s Scenes For Survival project, which features talents from the country’s arts industry making lockdown-related short films as a response to the country’s theatres having to close during the coronavirus pandemic.

 Of late we have seen Peter in the excellent mini-series The Underground Railroad, the dark comedy-drama Skint and The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, he has a few projects on the go just now, the pick of which, for me anyway, is Payback, it is being filmed in Glasgow and Edinburgh and is a  six-part crime thriller.

[nat-20s]

 Part 8 of the wonderful! Au: the boys answer some questions! Up to you to decide if they actually clarify anything!

(also on AO3)

~*~

Martin: Hey everyone! I know what some of you are thinking right now: it's not Tuesday, why is this episode in my feed? I know significantly more of you are thinking: I don't consistently keep up with podcast releases, how much free time do you think I have, buddy? To answer your queries: this is a bonus episode! We're answering listener questions to clear the air and/or have fun. Also, I don't know, around 20 to 40 minutes a week, as that is the average amount of time per episode? Maybe during your commute? My husband's omnipotence has been gone for five years, we just have to guess at that sort of thing now.

Jon: For legal reasons, that last statement was a joke. In fact, to cover all of our bases, we do not guarantee that any of our responses are genuine.

Martin: Just because we say we'll answer things doesn't mean we'll answer truthfully. Though, honestly, I think we might make it more enjoyable if we do tell the truth. Like, I don't necessarily have a fun lie prepared for our first question from konspiracyking97: "What's their fuckin deal anyway?"

Jon: Is this referring to the oblique references  we've made about being from a parallel reality and only ending up here as a consequence of ending one apocalypse and potentially starting another or the general premise of the show?

Martin: Oh, it's gotta be general premise, yeah?

Jon: In that case, I'm Jon, the other voice you're hearing is Martin, we're married, and we talk about things that are..nice? Good? Usually generally but occasionally rather specifically pleasant.

Martin: That pretty much covers it. It's not a complicated show. Uhh, next question comes from Shane: are either or both of you aliens? Nope!

Jon: Well..

Martin: No. We are 100% human people from Earth, we are under no definition extraterrestrial.

Jon: Eh..

Martin: Okay, first off, I know the tone of that 'eh' and "not fully human" is not synonymous with alien, so even if 100% is being a bit generous, we're still from the same planet as our listeners.

Jon:..

Jon: But. We sort of aren't though. Technically speaking.

Martin: No no no no no. I don't care if it's parallel, Earth is Earth is Earth, regardless of whatever nonsense metaphysics might be occurring.

Jon: So what you're saying is that if you got sucked through a portal and landed on an Earth where dinosaurs were still the predominant species, you wouldn't consider yourself to be an alien?

Martin: Nope!

Jon: I'm certain that they would consider you an alien. All of their mammals are probably shrew sized.

Martin: Sounds like a them problem.

Jon: Sounds like a-?! You know what, no, this will be an off the record debate, for now, I suppose I concede that the two Earths and our physiologies are similar enough that we might, maybe, not count as aliens.

Martin: Thank you. Anyway, our next question is from anonymous, and asks, "Is all of this an ARG?"

Jon: A whomst?

Martin: Alternate reality game. It's a method of storytelling that's interactive with audience, and usually has, I dunno, a certain suspension of disbelief to it where it pretends to be something actually happening in the real world until a dramatic reveal. A lot times it was used as a marketing gimmick, but others have done it just for fun. I can show you some examples after the show?

Jon: So it's in essence a more involved creepypasta?

Martin, delighted: Aw, babe, I'm never going to have a handle on what pop culture you are and aren't aware of, huh?

Jon: We were born within a year of each other, and I've told you that I was a deeply morbid teenager, you should probably be able to intuit some of things, love.

Martin: This coming from a man who has yet to see "It's a Wonderful Life", but has seen every film in the "Banjo Cannibals" franchise, including the Easter special. Jesus doesn't exist in the Banjo Cannibals universe, why does it have an Easter special?

Jon: The movies are rather shoddily translated from Russian, so I'm fairly certain the Easter component of that special was invented wholesale in the English version.

Martin: You say that like it answers more questions than it raises.

Jon: Yes, because it does. Oh, and to answer anonymous's question, no, this isn't an ARG. From my understanding of it, if it were, it'd be a poorly constructed one, as there's no real game element to any of this.

Martin: Hmm. Well, sometimes the game component is just trying to figure out what's going on with the story, or if there's any deeper content, and people are definitely doing that with this show.

Jon: That's not by design though. It's more a side effect of us having poor brain to mouth filters, I'd say.

Martin: Harsh, but fair. Oh, this next one is from Zac, no K, who asks, "Are you two actually even married?"

Jon, flat: We are, but it's under false names because this whole thing is an elaborate insurance scam.

Jon, incredulous: Yes, obviously, we're married. What did you hear in this podcast that would make you wonder otherwise, and how do we rectify it?

Martin: Clearly we need to up our quota for how "disgustingly in love" and "horrifically sappy" we are per episode. Which segues nicely into the next question from Gwen, "What's your favourite wonderful thing you've brought so far?" My answer: my husband. He's kind of my favourite in most things, you know?

Jon: Boooooo

Martin: Why, what's your favourite thing?

[Jon reluctantly sighs]

Jon, indulgent: being married.

Martin: A: serves you right for trying to pretend you're the less horrifically sappy and romantic one even though earlier today someone put a love note in the lunch they packed for me-

Jon:- Lies and slander! I have never, in my life, done that, even once.

Martin: Oh, sure, not even once. And you definitely don't reserve the lilac sticky notes specifically for my lunches because you know I like the colour. 

Jon: I..I don't.. you're rather ruining my image here.

[Martin snorts]

Martin: Can't have the audience think that you are, on occasion, an incredibly doting husband-

Jon: -A title I would argue we both share-

Martin: - which is obviously why, even with it being your favourite thing you've brought, being married to me is just a small wonder-

Jon, audibly rolling his eyes: As I already explained-

[A Pause}

Jon: Actually, you're right-

Martin: Wait-

Jon:- I really should have brought it as a larger wonder-

Martin: Wait-

Jon: though I should warn you, I think I'd have far too much material for just one little segment-

Martin: No no no no no-

Jon:- In fact, I think I might have too much material for just one little episode-

Martin: Joo-oon-

Jon: I might have to do a whole series! Where would I even start? I mean I could talk about how every day I get to watch the early morning sun highlight your curls when I get up first, or hear you quietly humming and shuffling around the kitchen when you do, or I could talk about how the lunch notes only started in the first place as retaliation to the notes you would leave on the mirror for me to find, or how every time I get to see you at ease in a way that you aren't with anyone else, it takes my breath away, or I could talk about how cute I find the lines between your eyebrows that you only get when you're thinking something petty, but you know it's petty so you don't want to say anything-

Martin: Okay, okay, Christ, I give !up I surrender, and will cease my teasing on this particular topic.

Jon, probably making the :3 face: You don't have to stop. I mean, I could also discuss how very, very attractive I find your voice when it takes on a teasi-mmph!

[There's a pleased hum, then a pause.]

[The audio quality is slightly changed, as if the recording has been stopped and then started later]

Martin, giddy: Uh, heh, anyway, Eric asked what the least favourite thing we've brought was, and because of Jon's attempt to embarrass me live-

Jon, overlapping: It's definitely not live-

Martin:- on air, I'm gonna say it's my husband.

[Jon scoffs]

Jon : If the past few minutes are any sort of indication, I'm going to go ahead and saying that you are lying.

Martin, sighing contentedly: Maybe a bit, but how was I supposed to resist when your indigance gives you that adorable little nose scrunch? In reality, my least favourite thing was probably, um, mini golf? Which, I still don't think is inherently bad, definitely superior to regular golf, but when it's the only thing a next door two year old wants to do with you, the charm begins to wear off a bit.

Jon: Wow. A rather scathing review of a toddler.

Martin: Not so much a scathing review of a toddler as it's a scathing review of minigolf's inability to keep its appeal after the third time in the same week.

Jon: Mmm, the sound effects rather quickly go from part of the atmosphere to part of the irritation, don't they?

Martin: So what's your least favorite thing we've covered here?

Jon: Oh, love, I'm not going to pretend to have nearly enough memory of what we've covered so far to have a least favorite.

Martin: Really? Nothing that you regret or rescind?

Jon: Well, regret, certainly. It was one of the weeks where you went first, and your second item was mutual aid funds, and what they can do for marginalized communities, and I had to follow it with fucking Slapchop.

Martin, poorly suppressing laughter: In your defence, Slapchop, or whatever offbrand we have, is pretty useful, especially when either your scar or my arthritis is acting up.

Jon: I'm still not convinced you didn't somehow see my notes for the recording and decided you get revenge for the first year that we knew each other.

Martin, no longer suppressing his laughter: Yep, you got me! This marriage wasn't an act of insurance fraud, but it was a near decade long con to humiliate you on a podcast that about twenty people listen to. I'll draft up the divorce papers immediately, and then we can finally go our separate ways. 

Jon: I'm glad you've at last admitted it. Such a weight off of my shoulders. Goodbye forever then.

Martin: Right.

Jon: Right.

[A beat.]

[There's a pfft from one of them, before both dissolve into giggles that lasts a good 30 seconds.]

Martin, slightly out of breath: I can't believe we're the kind of people that talk this much about speciality kitchen gadgets.

Jon: Sorry about that.

Martin: God, don't apologize. I'm, like, deliriously happy with our varying degrees of useful cooking ware filled life. If you had told 25 year old me that one day he'd be debating the merits of getting a tortilla press with his husband, he'd have wept, I tell you.

Jon: Funny, if you told 25 year old me the same thing, he would've said "You don't know the future,piss off" and then quietly have a bit of a panic at 3 am that night.

Martin: I bet you were insufferable in your mid-twenties.

Jon: First of all, who isn't, secondly, I was fresh out of Oxford, and third, I was insufferable in my late twenties, as you can attest to, and I'm insufferable now, as you can further attest to, so extrapolation would indicate that, yes, I was insufferable back then.

Martin: Probably a different kind of insufferable, though.

Jon: There are different kinds?

Martin: Of course! You used to be "prick boss" insufferable and now you're "smug in a way that I can't admit I find hot or it will go straight to your head" insufferable.

Jon, in the aforementioned smug tone: Oh, really?

Martin: See, see! Straight to your head.

Jon: Well straight is probably the wrong descriptor-

Martin: Oof, 4 out of 10 joke, babe.

Jon: That would be a far more convincing rating if you weren't grinning right now.

Martin: It's a genuine review, I'm just well known to be a sucker.

Jon: You and me both, darling.

Martin: Okay, if you're pulling out darling, you're clearly in too giddy of a mood to be focused on recording. Last question, from Jess, "You two mentioned meeting at work, but how did you actually end up together?" That's easy, Jon pulled me out of a hell dimension and then we went on the lam together to Scotland.

Jon: If that's not the way to tell a cute boy you like him, I don't know what is.

Martin: All right, that wraps up this bonus episode, and as the old saying goes, hiding from murderers in a cottage is more conducive to romance than suggesting you gouge out your eyes together.

Jon, cut off: Hey-!

[byulsgrease]

if you arent too busy, can you write a idol!hwasa x idol!reader, wherein they both have to practice with each other for a special stage. However on the first meeting they become starstruck and cant believe somethings are real, but soon warm up to each other?

i'm not terribly busy but this still took a while anyway oops - sorry this took so long anon! here you go :D

if anyone has requests for the other members hmu cuz I've got 2 more hyejin reqs after this one (not that I'm complaining)

"who says we can't do something on our own?"

(hwasa x idol!reader, ~1.2k words)

cw: food + alcohol mention (y'all know how it is)

I named someone Minjeong - it's not Aespa's Winter, idk anything about 4th gen gg's - 민정 is my Korean name so it's just what came to mind

"Hey, wake up. You've gotta see this. GET UP," a voice piercing through the fog of your sleep.

What a rude awakening. Your shoulders being shaken vigorously by a pair of small hands meant they belonged to none other than Minjeong, your youngest group member. You rolled over to glare menacingly at her with one eye open, trying to pull your brain out of the slumber. All you could see was the bright light of her phone shining in your eyes - a video of some kind. But then you heard the audio:

"Have you seen the clip?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, my members and many MooMoos made sure I saw it"— Moos? Oh, it's Hwasa. WAIT. Both your eyes flew open as you sat up and snatched Jeongie's phone out of her hand to stare at the video. Your mind immediately flashed back to the interview you did last week - they asked who you most wanted to collaborate with, if there were no limitations. Your ears started to heat up at the sheer thought of the flustered mess of an answer you gave - of course you said Hwasa. Both of you debuted relatively close to each other, within a year, but never interacted much over the years. Mamamoo as a group was a force to be reckoned with, but there was just something about Hwasa specifically. You mostly just admired her unique singing voice and undeniable stage presence, and her relentless drive to always be herself in an industry constantly trying to fit women into a box.

Finally snapping out of re-living that embarrassment, your attention turned back to the phone in your hand. The interviewer must've asked her to send a message in response to you, because you couldn't believe that she was waving and saying, "How haven't we gotten to know each other better over all these years? I'd love to work with you on something sometime," curtly dipping her head in a slight bow.

"SEE? You needed to see that," Minjeong rushed to say, full of energy. "And close your mouth, your jaw's on the floor," jokingly pointing.

You side-eyed her and shut your mouth. "Is this what Loco felt like when she called him during Hyena on the Keyboard?" you wondered aloud.

"At least she's not calling you while on camera," she commented, knowing full well that you'd probably embarrass yourself again if she did. "But hey, at least she noticed you! Can I have my phone back now?" It would be a dream come true to collaborate with her, but cross-company collabs... always a pain. that couldn't be helped. The fantasy abruptly ended with demands from your rumbling stomach. Done with your what-if's, you placed the phone back in your maknae's outstretched hand to get up and make breakfast.

~~~~

With award show season rolling around, the crazy scramble of rehearsing for special live stages without leaking sets and collabs began. Checking your email that morning showed a schedule to record the backing track for a special live stage, but that was it. With who? You texted your members a screenshot, but they all told you that block of time in their schedule was empty. A solo stage? The solo mini-album you released this cycle did relatively well, the title track got a music show win, but not a multi-week chart-topper by any means. Possibilities turning over in your mind, you stepped out from your place to head to the company, totally in the dark about what was in store.

The recording studio always smelled the same along with the couches, a comfort for all the insanely long nights and crack-of-dawn early mornings over the years. With a bit of time to kill, you plopped down on one and gingerly patted the worn cushions as some kind of symbolic thank-you for supporting you (literally).

A hesitant but loud knock sent your gaze directly to the door. Watching it slowly open, you leaned forward to see who it was. Needless to say, your jaw fell to the floor again as you clapped a hand over your gaping mouth, eyes widening. Like a soldier obeying a command, you immediately stood up as straight as possible and bowed profusely at Hwasa, sporting a very similar expression on her face (which you failed to notice, your mind running a million miles a minute).

After a series of frantic bows and miscellaneous utterances to each other, she spoke. "It's nice to finally meet you," she said with calm, surveying your frenzied state. "I guess we're granting that collab wish from your interview, huh?"

The red-hot embarrassment leapt to your face. "I...I definitely made a fool of myself answering that question. And our maknae showed me your interview clip too, which was cool, but never did I think it would actually happen," you stammered. I should probably stop talking.

"Well, here I am," she half-smiled coolly. "Let's get started, I'm really looking forward to finally work with you on this," a gleam in her eye and a hint of excitement in her voice.

The studio suddenly felt a lot smaller with her in it, despite there only being your managers, the producer, and the both of you - less people than you and your members alone. Both of you remained relatively quiet the whole time, rather unsure of what to say or talk about. You watched enough MMMTV to know that all the members on their own were shyer than together, and Hwasa knew the same was true for you. But the work basically took care of itself, seamlessly taking turns in the recording booth, witnessing each other's work style and process. The both of you knew your way in front of a mic, seasoned professionals by now. Upon wrapping up, you bowed politely to each other after a quick exchange of KaTalk info, a short and sweet goodbye.

That was... anticlimactic. I mean, it's finally happening - I can't believe it. But maybe I was too idealistic about maybe creating a meaningful relationship with her outside of work... What does she think of me?

~~~~

In the days leading up to the collab stage, you kept going back and forth on whether to reach out or not, despite now being in possession of her contact info. What would you even say? Thoughts of a witty one-liner or relatable meme came to mind, but maybe she'd assume the worst - that you were clout-chasing, or something. Anxieties abuzz, your phone vibrated in your pocket. The KaTalk notification sprawled across your screen. Speak of the devil, it's her.

"Hey, awards season has me stressed. I know you must pretty busy right now too, but I somehow get off early tomorrow if you wanna grab dinner after work?" You had to reread that one. Oh, what? She's inviting me?

Trying not to be weird about responding too quickly, you typed out, "Wow, yeah, that sounds great! ^^ wait, your company doesn't care about you going out to eat during award season?"

"nah, they stopped having that kind of control over us a while ago, we are the money-maker of the company, after all 😏"

"so I guess this means they don't check your phone either ㅋㅋㅋ"

"nope :)"

You proceeded to set a time and place to meet, someplace with meat.

In the process of feasting on an inordinate amount of gopchang imbued with a splash of beer, you learned a fair amount about each other. You talked career, professional aspirations, the weird habits of your members, and more. What surprised you most was the amount of things she already knew about you, having admitted to watching some of your behind-the-scenes content after seeing your interview clip.

"Ah... I'm sorry if I came across as distant during that first recording session," she confessed, pausing to sip her beer. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, I felt a little star-struck."

"Oh what?? I felt the exact same, so no worries - and sorry if I came off similarly distant," you rambled back. A bit of silence fell between you, acknowledging the mutual sentiment. You spoke up after a bit, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight, I didn't realize how much I needed this."

"Thank you for making the time, I had fun getting to know you better," she articulated with a smile. "Maybe it'll make the collab stage better," she added on jokingly. You responded with a nod and expression of mutual affirmation.

~~~~

After that, messaging each other became a regular occurrence, that gopchang outing having broken the ice. Honestly, you tried your best to talk about anything besides work, but the baseline of shared understanding connected you in a way that came more naturally than it did with your non idol friends.

You stood across the way from her at the sound check for the final stage, dressed in joggers and slides. Funny to think that you'd be recording this for real in a couple hours, making eyes with the blinking red light on the cameras surrounding you. It sucks that fans wouldn't get to experience the energy and atmosphere of the performance - Hyejin alone is one thing, but adding someone else into her stage presence? Unmatched. There's nothing quite like a live performance - and while you knew everyone in the industry dealt with the consequences of the pandemic, it certainly took a toll to perform and not feel the energy from fans. But realistically, nothing you could do about it. The sound check went over smooth like butter. The stage chemistry came flowing naturally between you both, even when bare-faced and dressed in just sweats.

And when the time came for the actual filming, you both absolutely killed it, an upbeat mash-up of TWIT and your title track. At the very end came a sliver of hesitation before throwing your arms around each other with a big smile for the ending fairy, proud of the work you accomplished together, and a mental fist-pump to yourself for making friends with one of the industry's finest.

Once again walking to a restaurant that served mostly meat to celebrate, you playfully proposed, "We... should do that again sometime." A little puff of air came out her nose in amusement.

"Yeah, we should. Too bad we're gonna have to wait a whole cycle before we can release anything else together again," she sighed longingly.

"Who says we can't do something on our own?"

[mxvladdy]

True Form- Belphegor

*collapses dramatically* Oh Gods its done! Sorry for the break! I hope my edits are good! 

More to come in this series soon :) 

Hope y’all enjoy!

True Form- Belphegor

Keeping a defined for is hard. Too hard for him anyway.

His true form is inconspicuous. He just naturally doesn’t take up much space in the physical realm. He likes it this way though.

An overlooked predator is a dangerous one.

If he is ever seen in this form it looks like a thin film. He drapes over everything, like dust in an unopened room, or the cling of fresh dew in the morning in the rose garden.

He never uses it when awake. His human form is more palatable and functional in all honesty. Don’t get me wrong though, he doesn’t hate it. It used to be really useful when he wanted to nap and Lucifer was on the prowl. But, such good things can only last for so long. Now Lucifer can sniff him out from a mile away incorporeal or no after centuries of practice.

His real form is best implemented in the minds of his slumbering victims. He can cultivate himself there, using his form to feel out the needs and desires of his unsuspecting host.

He is a manipulator, tried and true. His cunning and wile gets him pacts more than a promise of power or wealth.

Belphegor draws them in with promises of grandeur and unexplored inventions. Limitless discoveries all at the very tips of their fingers, if only they take one more step further. One more little slip deeper into the abyss. Then they can stay sleeping forever with him.

Even as an angel he was known as a dreamer. More often then not he could be found in the inner sanctums sleeping with Beel and Lilith during lessons or being carried around by Lucifer. Back then he always had pleasant dreams or innovative ideas that the other angels made use of. The little inventor.

Now that he has fallen, nightmares come to him more often than not, uncontrollable flashes of The War, his sister’s death, and the pain of betrayal. Perhaps that was his punishment, always drowsy with no control over when he sleeps, with nothing but nightmares to accompany him.

When he has control over himself in his slumber he likes to flit around into other’s dreams. Most of the time he goes to Beel’s as they are very pleasant and help distract him from the night terrors he had just escaped from.

Sometimes when bored or pissy he jumps to Lucifer’s dreams. It’s a rare occurrence when they are asleep at the same time, but he takes absolute delight in fucking with his oldest brother’s dreams or looking for secrets to lord over him.

He doesn’t come into your dreams uninvited though. Not after you freed him. You have given him permission to. But he uses it sparingly. When he needs a break from his own head he might control when you are tired. Just so he can have some time out of his head.

He is very controlling in that retrospect. He will form the shape of your dreams at first. But, you ween him out of it. Now he trains you to lucid dream. He lets you shape your reality around you both. You don’t know it, but he is allowing you to shape him as well.  

Mini Fic

He watches you from a distance. The grassy knoll you built was bright and airy. Pink and purple flowers sway in the light breeze you created, winking at him as they move. The large willow draping over you pulls a happy little hum from your chest. The swinging branches tickling your sun kissed cheeks. You lounge sprawled out on the ground staring up at the false sun with the largest grin on your face. The rays of sunshine illuminate your prone form, casting stark shadows in its wake. They travel down the hill searching and coiling for shelter from the strong lighting. They find him, latching on to his bare feet and merge with his own disjointed outline. How apropos.

"You can come up here Belphie. Promise I won't bite." You call out into the sky. Your eyes were still closed, but you tilt your head in his direction none the less. The smile you throw down at him is more blinding than the sun you dreamt up.

“I don’t want to intrude.” He steps out from the tree line blinking owlishly. Being welcomed in a dream had been unheard of before you. The mindscape was an intimate and private space. He was meant to be an invader, a taint. Before this he had been nothing but a rogue clinging to the edges. A whisper of temptation carried on the wind, or the hollow thud of a heel echoing down an empty street. It’s different here, with you. You expected to see him or sense him in whatever form he chooses. It was-nice.

“You're never an intrusion.” Your raw honesty floors him still, even after all this time together. “Had a rough night?” You ask patting the space beside you.

“Something like that.” He murmurs dropping down next to you. He is distracted momentarily by the heat radiating off your body. “You’ve been practicing.” You beam, proud that he noticed so quickly. His lessons on dream walking and lucid dreaming were hard, but looks like they were finally paying off.

It had been difficult at first, keeping a solid detailed form while knowing you were asleep. Then trying to stay asleep while doing it. You had to fight against the instinct to wake up constantly. It was like somewhere deep inside your psyche was trying to protect you, like it knew what happened when a human ventures too far into this place. Almost like it knew that a cunning little demon was lurking somewhere down here.  

“How’d you guess?” You ask rolling onto your side. He answers by reaching out to you and dragging a soft finger down your bare arm. You shiver at the cool touch, little goosebumps awakening under his touch. Your picturesque scene wavers at the corners from his touch. The caress breaking your concentration for a moment. Belphegor smirks. “I’m still working on it!” You blush.

“I don’t mind, as long as I’m the only one that that can shake you so.” He pulls away to summon a large pillow for himself. You watch him try to get comfortable. He punches and rolls around the poof for a moment trying to get comfortable. You could tell something was troubling him. The energy in his gaze was borderline manic. His usually relaxed stature was strung taut, right on the border of snapping. He would murder you again if you said it; but he looked so much like Lucifer right now. Tight, cold, and rigid. A clear signal of distress.

“You want to take the helm?” You wave around the small scene offering him a distraction. He could expand the scene far further than you could, probably ever could. “Or do you want to let your hair down?” You wiggle your eyebrows at him. You smile at his little snort, that human saying always got him to laugh.

“Sure you don’t mind?” You shake your head and sit up. Truth be told, you liked his weird demon form. You could never entirely place where he was when he was in it, but you just knew he was there and close. It was reassuring.

He breathes a sigh of relief before flopping backward. He disappears on impact with the soft ground. The grass and flowers coming up to engulf him as he takes over.  He flows around you into every corner of your mind, stretching himself to the furthest corners of your dream. He weaves himself in your fantasy. You get swept up in it for a moment. The raw force of him pulling at your center. It is suffocating for a moment, the oppressive weight of his magic. It brings out a bone-deep weariness in you without meaning to. You feel the growing need to just rest. Just a moment.

“Back with me?” You open your eyes. When had you closed them?

“Ye, sorry.” You lean up onto your elbow and shake your head to clear the fog that still clung to it. It was always a head rush when he did that. Blinking the rest of his magic away you take in your now joint dream. The sun was gone, replaced with twin moons and awash with multicolored stars. His sky bled colors, dripping purples and blues onto the green grass around the edges of your vision. The more you focus the more the field grows and stretches. Off in the distances, tiny tents emerge, sprouting up like shoots from the blackness. “Really?” You eye the tents with a wry smile. If you strained your ear you could hear faint carnival music.

A low rumble bounces around you. “You suddenly have an issue with the circus?”

“Absolutely not!” You raise, calling out into the vastness around you. “You better make a carousel!” You could feel him chuckle around you as you began your trek down the hill.

Belphegor is quiet while you navigate the forest. He’s whole being hyper focused on building the world around your quick steps. His was divided and working overtime in an attempt to distract himself. Part of him was busy building the carnival, another working on making sure you don’t stir from your slumber, and the other awake and aware. He hasn’t done this in a while, splitting his consciousness so thin like this. His human body lumbering along in the physical world while his mind was busy in the subconscious one. Hopefully, none of his brothers were awake and would try to intervene. He wanted to be close to you, in both body and mind tonight. You reach the edge of the woods and he turns his full attention back to you.

He had gone all out for you. Bright lights and the echoing laughter of imaginary guests assault your senses. You could even taste buttered popcorn and caramel on the tip of your tongue. A warm hand takes yours causing you to jump. Belphie gives you an apologetic grin for startling you before dragging you off into the park without a word. Who knows how long the two of you spent. Time, as you understood it, worked differently here. Faster or slower you had no idea. But, right now you didn’t care. He needs you here in the present.

“So-” You start hesitantly much later in the evening. You lick at some cotton candy that had gotten stuck on your fingers. “Want to talk about it?” Belphegor shoots you a look from where he perched. His feet dangling from a study steel fence. He watches you ride the slow-moving carousel as it goes round and round in lazy circles. He mulls over what to say as you make a rotation.  

“I dreamt of Lilith again.” He admits. He comes to sit on the metal animal beside you, disappearing and reappearing in a puff of smoke at your side.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ye. Me too.” He pats the kelpie he sits on. Its listless eyes bore into his. His old nightmares reflecting in their ruby gaze. He wanted to be over this. Why wasn’t he over this? The longer he stares into the horses dead eyes the more his nightmares creep back onto him.The dream shifts around you. The air dropping in temperature drastically. The merry background noises choked off and replace with a buzzing that made your head hurt. The sound of metal striking metal and shouts start to grow at the base of your neck.  

“Belphie-” You reach out for him, cupping his face. He doesn’t notice you anymore. His mind going somewhere you shouldn’t venture. His expression turns stormy, closing off to you completely. Fear begins to build up inside of you. Something uncontrollable riding in on the fast building winds. The night sky he built changes. Stars blinking out one after another like blown bulbs. The moons swelling in size, crashing into each other as your dream begins to crumble. “Shit.” You had to wake up, and fast.

You awake with a start back in your bed. Eyes snapping open while your body lays motionless. An odd sensation of sleep paralysis locking your joints. Something radiates behind you, a lanky body drawn close to yours. Sweet breath tickles the nape of your neck. Fighting the paralysis that held you, you turn to greet your bed guest.

Belphie’s half-lidded eyes seem to look through you. His body was icy, a ghostly vapor wafted over of his pale skin. You tried to wake him but your tongue was stuck. All you could do was stare wide-eyed as he dreamt. He comes back to you slowly. His eyes twitch and roll sporadically until he blinks, drawing in a ragged breath as he comes to. His skin warms with each passing tick of your alarm clock. As your drowsy demon stirs the stiffness in your body begins to ebbs. His chokehold on your mind weakening. After what seemed like an eternity he awakens. He takes you in for a moment and then he’s on you, lurches forward to drag your pliant body to his. “Scared me for a second there Belphie.” You mutter into his soft hair.

He sighs, breathing in your scent and focusing on your strong pulse. It had been a while since he had lost control of himself like that. Building up a world was easy. Tearing it down was even easier. The thread that kept people under was thin, like a single strand of silk. To lose himself to a nightmare in another being’s head? It was unheard of. It terrified him. “Did I hurt you?” He rasps.

“No,” You reassure him, pressing a kiss to his sweaty brow. “I woke up in time.” He goes quiet again trying to keep his breathing steady. “Hey.” You stroke a few strands of hair from his face. “You’re thinking pretty hard there, can I help?”

Could you help? If he was losing control of his dreamscape again… He would have to tell Lucifer. A shudder runs up his spine at the thought of retraining. No, he was still strong enough to keep it under control “Just keep stroking my hair, please?” He yawns widely, lethargy hitting him hard. He drifts off to the feel of your fingers flowing smoothly through his hair. The lingering fears slip further and further from his mind with each soft caress.  

[canmom]

oi do u have a favourite anime

haha that's a hell of a question

as far as TV anime goes, I think it still has to be Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! (映像研には手を出すな！Eizōken ni wa Te o Dasu na!), a series about three schoolgirls who become a mini anime studio: an imaginative autistic girl who is constantly transforming her surroundings into drawings of elaborate, intricate science fiction worlds; the daughter of two actors who is a full on sakubuta who aspires to be a great character animator; and their tall ruthless but secretly very caring friend who assumes the producer role and battles the student council to secure their chance to continue making anime. they live in this chaotic unusual town that's full of odd architecture and abandoned buildings which become the fuel for creating really distinctive animation.

and, well, it's fucking great :D I don't think anything else goes quite so far to capture the joy of this medium; it's definitely a passion project for a lot of very young animators at Science Saru (as sakugablog discusses in a whole series of posts lol) and that really shines through.

so its characters are distinctive and charming, the setting is hinted to be this really interesting near-future, and the creators evidently have a lot of literacy with the most fun anime of the 80s and 90s and what makes them compelling... and then there's just really strong direction and animation throughout. by Masaaki Yuasa's standards it's less experimental than his earlier work, but it does achieve a lot more thematic and narrative cohesion as a result, and it's got a lot of really beautiful joyful watercolour sequences as the girls imagine the worlds they want to animate.

so there's a reason my current project of becoming an animator began not long after starting this show! (and I like anime about making anime a lot now... Shirobako is a much more realistic portrayal of what it's like to work in the anime industry, and also very good, but it doesn't quite spark that same joy as Eizouken.)

so yeah, Eizouken! if you wanna watch it, I highly recommend the extremely high-effort fansub by GJM.

what about film? well i’ve watched so many films in the last year and a bit of running animation night, how the hell do i even pick? but one I still love, which we haven’t covered (because I have had a rule to not do the most well known Disney and Ghibli films lol) is Princess Mononoke (もののけ姫 Mononoke-Hime). nowadays I can place it in context a lot more: it’s a fantasy jidaigeki movie, focused on ecological and colonial conflict, but what makes it stand out (apart from, of course, incredible direction and animation and an amazingly powerful score but that’s kind of a given for Ghibli :p) is the level of nuance it uses to treat its conflict.

Miyazaki has had an interesting arc; in his youth he was a full on Marxist and involved in the organising at Toei, but with the fall of the USSR and growing up some more, he had something of a crisis in the 90s, which he works through in the pages of the Nausicaa manga (a much more complex and bleak work than the film adaptation) and Princess Mononoke. So I think his best works are from this period; the animation got even more elaborate in his later movies, but he seems to have given up on some level, unable to resolve the problems he raised.

Anyway, what makes Princess Mononoke for me is Lady Eboshi. She’s at once the leader of a colonial extractivist project, and a figure of enormous and understandable devotion and loyalty for the outcasts of feudal Japan who she took under her wing. She’s actively resisting the samurai and carving out a space for the lepers and former sex workers to live on their own terms. Of course, you could read this in a very negative light: a cunning boss who picked some easily exploitable populations to staff her mining project, much like sex worker ‘rescue’ organisations in the real world. But the movie presents life in Irontown as generally very positive: Ashitaka’s visit to the women working the forge is an especially interesting moment. The only problem is that it’s predicated on the dispossession and slaughter of the existing inhabitants of the region (the wolves, apes and boars), and it’s totally ecologically unsustainable (there won’t be iron forever).

By comparison, a lot of ecological fiction from this period tends to have a very oversimplified black and white view of it: evil men are destroying the environment, our heroes ally with the forest creatures or whatever and stop them. Princess Mononoke at least manages to show why people are motivated to live in this way: by forging guns from this bloody iron, the people of Irontown are able to secure a much better lot than they could under the samurai. And Ashitaka, who is tasked with ‘seeing with eyes unclouded by hate’, is able to recognise this; ‘who’s side are you on’ asks one of the villagers later on as Ashitaka runs between all sides trying unsuccessfully to intervene to end the conflict with his supernatural strength.

I think the way the film portrays violence is really strong: it’s always so abrupt and its consequences so graphic. I do certainly enjoy a sustained well-choreographed fight, but this more ‘realistic’ portrayal (obviously there’s nothing realistic about a magic arm that lets you takes someone’s arms off with one arrow, but in terms of how quick and nasty it is) works really well for the narrative it’s telling.

Unfortunately the film cannot resolve the puzzle it sets. Thanks to Ashitaka and San’s intervention to return the head of the Deer God, the people of Irontown are saved from the supernatural catastrophe, and the tone of the ending suggests they’ve learned a lesson from it; however, we don’t get to see what that resolution is, beyond Ashitaka moving into Irontown and the forest spirits deciding on some level to make peace with them. The samurai aren’t going to stop coveting that land; the forest population have been decimated and in any case can’t stand up to firearms as we’ve seen, so the pressure to extract iron remains. Miyazaki does a great job of apprehending what’s at stake with these kinds of ecological questions, but finds himself unable to answer it - but I think that very difficulty is what makes the film so compelling for me.

If it has another flaw, it is perhaps - and I don’t really know where this could fit in an already long movie - doesn’t really show us what the forest spirits live like when they’re not at war. It does a convincing job of showing the material forces that produce Irontown, and the animals’ anger at having their forest attacked; but it would have been interesting to put a similar effort into showing the colonised population as having an equally complex society with its own pressures and driving forces. But that’s like... that’s asking too much lol. And the spirits are spirits, not humans, which adds an extra level of interpretation.

So Princess Mononoke would have been my answer before I began Animation Night, for sure. Is it still? It’s definitely up there. If I wanted to name other movies that affected me on a similar level... can we count Birdboy: The Forgotten Children since Studio 4C did some work on it? :p ...yeah I didn’t think so. But we can definitely count Tekkonkinkreet, which I wrote about at some length on Animation Night 52. I would also name Made in Abyss: Dawn of the Deep Soul as leaving a huge impact - an undeniably extremely compelling and imaginative horror movie and broader series, which I have complicated feelings about enjoying which I might try and explicate another time.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Rebellion is another one that stands out in my mind; the story is immensely compelling but mostly I love it because it has just about the most beautiful fight/dance choreography in this entire medium imo, taking full advantage of the abstract Inu Curry-designed setting and Kalafina’s music. and Redline is one you absolutely must watch if you haven’t, Takeshi Koike’s seven year labour of love at Madhouse: Koike’s style is so distinctive and while his later Lupin III films tend to miss the mark on the narrative, Redline’s story is really just a vehicle for some of the most incredible animated sequences and inventive exaggerated designs you could put to screen so it all works.

I also have a great deal of love for short film compilations: Robot Carnival, Neo Tokyo, Memories, Short Peace, the Japan Animator Expo and various early 4C projects like Genius Party, Ani*Kuri 15, and Digital Juice. The smaller scope of projects like this gives a lot more room for stylistic experiments and individual lavish sequences.

I could keep going... Yuasa again with Night Is Short Walk On Girl which is just joyful and unexpected at every turn, I’m not even sure which Satoshi Kon to pick but maybe Tokyo Godfathers or Millenium Actress... the Eva rebuilds really came together in movie 4 and they’re a hell of a statement... etc. etc.

So I guess you asked for one favourite and I gave you a whole list but how do you even compare these things? They’re all attempting such different projects! It seems pointless to say one is ‘better’; I wouldn’t want to go without seeing any of them! I love this medium because the range of possibilities for expression is just so wide, each studio burrowing into new unseen corners of visual semiotic space or whatever... ok that sounds wanky but you know. It’s true!!

But yeah. I guess there’s a curriculum for you, have at ;p

[bibbawrites]

Made Your Mark On Me, a Golden Tattoo - Single Dad!Charlie x Owen

THIS IS PART 10 OF THE SINGLE DAD!CHARLIE SERIES, YOU CAN FIND THE OTHER PARTS HERE

Request: none

Word Count: 3760 words

Summary: Part 10 of Single Dad!Charlie, Owen comes to LA to stay with Charlie, Margaux and Meghan, and the boys go on their first date

Warnings: swearing, sexual references, implied sexual content pretty sure everyone knows at this point but this does include romantic chowen, remember this is fictional, if you dont like that just dont read :)

A/N: another day another part lol, i have far too much written for this series considering there is no demand for it but i’m enjoying it so i’m gonna keep writing purely just for @happinessinthedarkesttimes​ and myself lol also! a new nickname for margaux has been unlocked haha she has far too many cause every person keeps giving her their own nickname and ive lost count of how many there are... anyways, enjoy! 

Tag List:  @happinessinthedarkesttimes @molinaroberts @joynersgoatblog @courageous-she​ @littlemissaddict @gloomybrieyxb​ @itsyagorlemmalyn @jatpxmultifan​ @moneybagmgk​ @emeliii1​ @mybradforddream​ (the strike through means it wont let me tag you)

Char sent a message to OPJ

Char owweeeennnnnnnnnnn

Char come to la

OPJ why?

Char i miss you

Char wanna kiss your pretty face

Char and your pretty lips

Char and your pretty 🍆

OPJ charlieeeeeee

Char what? i did nothing wrong

OPJ you just said you wanna suck my dick

Char i never said such a thing

Char read the messages, i only said i would like to kiss your pretty face and your pretty lips and your pretty 🍆

OPJ and we all know what that emoji means

Char get your head out of the gutter honestly

Char maybe i just love eggplant

OPJ ugh whatever

Char so will you?

OPJ will i what?

Char come to la

Char we’ve been officially boyfriends for almost three months and we haven’t even had our first date yet

OPJ when do you want me

Char right now

OPJ that’s not possible bub

Char bub?

OPJ trying something, yes or no?

Char meh i don’t hate it

OPJ i’ll keep looking then

Char anyways, i booked you a flight...

OPJ char you didn’t have to

Char i know i’m just so desperate to see you

OPJ what time and day?

Char ...

Char today 3pm...

OPJ it’s 11am now

Char you better get packing

OPJ already am 

Char oh i know you are ;)

OPJ i didnt mean it like that and you know it

OPJ you’re gonna be the death of me Gillespie

Char i know ❤️

-

The second Charlie spotted Owen exiting the gate he was jumping into the blond’s arms, glad that they both had masks on to prevent him from kissing Owen senseless with hundreds of people around.

“God I missed you.” He muttered, face pressed into Owen’s neck. 

“I missed you more.” Owen replied, pulling back slightly. “Where’s Maggie?”

“With Meghan. She’s visiting for a little bit so she offered to look after her while I came to get you.” Charlie explained, grabbing Owen’s carry on as they headed through the airport to baggage claim. 

“Is she staying with you?” Owen asked. 

“She is, but I may or may not have booked the four of us into a hotel for a few days. She leaves on Thursday so if you wanna stay after that we’ll just go back to my place.” Charlie said. 

“We’re staying in a hotel?” Owen grinned, coming to a stop at the baggage carousel, his eyes focused on looking for his suitcase. 

“Yeah! Mags is pumped, she loves hotels, especially high rise ones. We’re going back to mine to collect the two of them then we’ll head there.” Charlie said

“Does Meghan know about...” Owen trailed off, glancing over at Charlie who shook his head. 

“I didn’t tell her, I wanted to find out what you wanted to do first.” Charlie replied. Owen smiled. 

“I’m okay with telling her.” He said. 

“Or maybe we just act like a couple around her and see how long it takes her to notice.” Charlie suggested and Owen shook his head. 

“You’re evil.” He spotted his bag, leaving Charlie’s side for a few moments before coming back over, his suitcase trailing behind him. 

“Don’t think it will take long, cause the second that front door shuts behind us I’m gonna be all over you.” Charlie grinned, taking Owen’s free hand once the younger boy was back by his side, leading him out of the airport. Owen blushed slightly. 

“Can’t wait.”

-

True to his word, the second that the door was shut Charlie was shoving Owen against the wall and kissing him with so much force that he thought his lips might bleed.

“Fuck, missed you so much.” Charlie mumbled against Owen’s lips, groaning when Owen’s fingers dug into his hips.

“Char...” Owen gasped out and Charlie just kissed him harder, wanting to make up for lost time.

“When you’re done trying to swallow each other, we’re in the kitchen.” Meghan’s voice called and Charlie groaned, stepping back from Owen. He didn’t want to stop, but he knew if they kept going they wouldn’t be able to.

“We should go to them.” He said, and Owen nodded, still slightly stunned from the aggression of the kiss.

“Probably.” He agreed, but neither of them made any attempt to move, so Charlie nuzzled his face into Owen’s neck, just taking in the familiar scent of his boyfriend. 

“This hotel, how is the room situation going?” Owen asked, his hand trailing through Charlie’s hair. Charlie lifted his head up.

“I booked a two bedroom suite. Margaux and Meghan can share one room and we’ll take the other.” He said. Owen smiled. 

“Okay good.” He replied. Charlie raised an eyebrow. 

“Why?” He asked. 

“Remember your texts?” Owen smirked, and Charlie’s eyes widened at the realisation. 

“Don’t be so horny.” He muttered, hitting at Owen’s arm. Owen grinned. 

“Says the guy who just had me pressed up against a wall.” He retaliated. 

“We can hear you, you know that right?” Meghan called, and both Charlie and Owen froze.��

“We did not.” Charlie called back, and both boys decided that was their cue to head into the kitchen, where Meghan and Margaux were waiting.  

“Papa!” Margaux exclaimed the second they entered the room, jumping down off her chair and rushing over to Owen, jumping into his arms. Meghan gave Charlie a look, eyebrows raised. 

“So, finally got your shit together then?” She questioned. Charlie glanced towards Owen and Margaux, a smile appearing on his face when he saw the way the four year old was clinging to the blond boy. 

This was how things were supposed to be. 

- 

Less than an hour later the family of four had checked into their home for the next few days and travelled up to the fourteenth floor to find their room. 

Once they found it Charlie tapped the keycard against the door and pushed on the handle when the light changed to green. Margaux pushed past him, running into the room and heading straight towards the door to the balcony, pressing her face into the glass. 

“Woah!” She exclaimed, standing on her toes to try to see the road below. 

“Good view?” Charlie asked, placing the bags he was carrying down on the couch, before opening the door and letting Margaux out onto the balcony, trailing closely behind her as Margaux rushed over to the railing. 

“Look Daddy.” She grinned as Charlie squatted down behind her, placing a hand on her back gently. 

“Wow look how tiny those people are.” Charlie said, and Margaux giggled. 

“They’re ants!” She replied, leaning back into Charlie. 

“For someone who travels as much as she does you’d think she’d be used to it by now.” Meghan joked quietly to Owen as the two of them stood and watched the interaction.

“Especially since we lived in an apartment building in Vancouver while we filmed.” Owen replied. 

“Kids.” Meghan shook her head in amusement.

“You wanna see your room baby?” Charlie questioned, and Margaux nodded excitedly. 

“Okay let’s figure it out.” Charlie stood back up, taking Margaux’s hand and leading her back into the main room. 

“Am I gonna stay with you Daddy?” Margaux asked, and Charlie shook his head. 

“No you’re gonna stay with Meggy.” He said, motioning towards his younger sister. 

“It’s gonna be like a sleepover.” Meghan grinned. Margaux pouted. 

“But I wanna stay with Daddy.” She whined. 

“You’ll be with Daddy until you have to go to sleep, okay?” Charlie told her, pushing open the door, revealing the room with the two double beds.

“And look at this nice big bed you get to stay in all by yourself. You can fit all of your toys around you.” He added, and Margaux frowned but didn’t protest. 

“Which bed do you want Mini? The window one?” Meghan questioned. 

Margaux glanced at the beds before nodding. Charlie placed her bag onto the bed, unzipping it to reveal the several stuffed toys and dolls they had packed.

“Look, we’ll put all your friends on your bed.” He said as he placed the toys out onto the bed, pulling out Margaux’s blanket last. “And your blankie, and look how nice this looks. You’ll have so much fun sleeping here.”

“And we can even sing with each other at night, or gossip about secret girl stuff.” Meghan added, sitting on the edge of her own bed. 

“What girl stuff?” Margaux questioned, climbing up next to her aunt and snuggling into her arms. 

“Butterflies and glitter.” Charlie joked, and Owen rolled his eyes at the reference, turning and leaving the room as a response.

“We’ll stay up all night talking about boys.” Meghan grinned and Charlie’s smile instantly turned into a frown. 

“Hey! No.” He reprimanded.

“I’m joking Charlie, don’t be a party pooper.” Meghan rolled her eyes. 

“You joke, but we had a full conversation a month ago about how someone wants a boyfriend.” Charlie said, and Margaux looked up. 

“I want a boyfriend.” She chimed in. Meghan laughed. 

“You’re four, why do you need a boyfriend?” She asked. Margaux frowned. 

“Daddy has a boyfriend.” She stated. Meghan smirked, looking up at Charlie. 

“Does he now?” She teased. 

“Shut the fuck up, you knew that. You literally just asked if I had gotten my shit together.” Charlie said, and Meghan rolled her eyes at him. 

“You didn’t confirm it.” She retorted. Charlie shook his head. 

“Hey Meghan, Owen’s my boyfriend.” He stated, ignoring the flutter in his chest at those words. 

“Wow! Thank you so much for telling me, that’s so nice of you!” Meghan replied, her tone thick with sarcasm. 

“Don’t be sarcastic.” Charlie retaliated. 

“What’s that Taylor Swift lyric? The one about looking at him like the stars, that’s you and him. It’s honestly about time that you got your shit together.” Meghan said, flopping backwards onto her bed, giggling when Margaux climbed on top of her. 

“Tay’s my boyfriend.” The tiny blonde stated and Charlie sighed.

“Who?” Meghan shot him a confused look. 

“Taylor Kare. Who played the young version of Bobby in the show. For some reason she’s decided she wants him to be her boyfriend.” Charlie explained. Meghan grinned. 

“I don’t blame her, he’s cute.” She said. Charlie shot her a look and she rolled her eyes before sitting up, Margaux clinging to her like a koala. 

“Hey Mini, why don’t we go get some food and bring it back while your Daddy unpacks all of your stuff.” Meghan suggested. Margaux smiled. 

“Yeah! Can we get KFC?” She asked. 

“Of course we can.” Meghan grinned, before turning to Charlie. “Want anything?”

“Just get one of those big buckets of chicken and we’ll figure it out.” He said as Meghan stood up, grabbing her mask. 

“Okay. I’m stealing your wallet.” She told him. 

“Of course you are.” Charlie rolled his eyes, but handed his wallet over to his younger sister nonetheless, before leaning in to kiss Margaux gently on the side of her head. 

“Bye baby, have fun and be good for Meggy, okay?” He said. Margaux nodded. 

“Bye Daddy, love you.” She replied. 

“Love you too.” Charlie smiled. 

Meghan and Margaux left, the four year old chattering away in her aunty’s arms about something she had seen in Bluey, and Charlie waited until he couldn’t hear their voices anymore to move. 

“Owen?” He called, starting to head across the suite to the room he and Owen were sharing. 

“Yeah?” Owen called back. Charlie pushed open the door, finding a much larger room with a large king size bed in the middle of the room, and a flat screen tv hung on the wall. Owen was unpacking his bag, hanging clothes in the wardrobe, when Charlie entered. 

“Meg and Mags went to get food.” Charlie told him. 

“Okay cool.” Owen replied, looking up after a few moments and frowning when he saw the look on Charlie’s face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Remember the texts?” Charlie raised an eyebrow and Owen’s eyes lit up. 

“Come here.” He said, but Charlie didn’t move. 

“We’ve gotta be quick.” Charlie informed him and Owen nodded. 

“Got it.”

And with that Charlie rushed over to Owen, kicking the door shut behind him.

-

They were a naked mess of sweaty bodies and tangled limbs when Charlie decided to bring up their plans for the night. 

“Oh by the way, I have our date planned.” He said as Owen played with his hair. 

“Am I allowed to know what it is? Or when?” Owen questioned. Charlie nodded slightly. 

“Tonight. At 10:30pm.” He informed the blonde. “And it’s a surprise.” 

“10:30?” Owen repeated. Charlie hummed in response. Owen sighed. 

“That’s all I’m getting?”

“Yep.” Charlie murmured. 

“We’re back!” Meghan’s voice called through the suite and both Charlie and Owen jumped up in fear. 

“Fuck, get dressed.” Charlie instructed, tossing clothes towards Owen, before calling back to Meghan. “Coming!”

In record time they were both dressed and came out of the bedroom, trying to look as casual as possible as they walked over to the table where Meghan had placed all the food. 

“Daddy, you didn’t unpack my stuff.” Margaux pouted, and Charlie placed a soft kiss on the top of her head as an apology. 

“Sorry baby, Daddy got distracted.” He told her as he grabbed some food for her and put it on one of the plates Owen had brought over to the table. 

“Oh gross, you didn’t.” Meghan groaned, glancing between Charlie and Owen, who had turned a bright red in embarrassment. Charlie just shrugged, a guilty smile on his face. Meghan fake gagged. 

“That’s disgusting Char.” She reprimanded. Charlie shook his head. 

“It’s natural.” He retaliated. Meghan hit him. 

“Shut up, I don’t want to know anything else.” She said. The table fell silent for a moment, before Margaux decided to speak up. 

“Daddy we saw a puppy when we were walking.” She grinned, and Charlie pulled a shocked face. 

“Oh my gosh, really? Tell me all about it.” He replied, and for the entire meal Margaux rambled, telling them story after story. 

-

Just before 10:30, Charlie and Owen arrived at their date destination. Owen looked up at the sign, frowning slightly when he saw it. 

“A tattoo parlour?” He questioned. Charlie smiled, despite the fact that Owen couldn’t see it through his mask. 

“You’ve been talking about getting a new tattoo, so I figured we could get a new one together.” He suggested. Owen’s frown melted, a soft look replacing it. 

“Why is that oddly sweet?” He teased, leaning his head into Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie grinned. 

“Cause I’m oddly sweet?” He replied. Owen laughed. 

“That you are.” 

“Do you have any ideas of what you wanna get?” Charlie questioned as he held the door open. Owen gave him a small smile, walking through the door as he answered. 

“I have a couple of ideas.” He said. “Things that I think would look cool.” 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Charlie’s eyes lit up with curiosity. Owen shook his head. 

“Secret. Want it to be a surprise.” He grinned. Charlie chuckled. 

“Fair enough.” 

After going through the basics and signing some paperwork, it was time for them to get their tattoos. The tattoo artist led them through to the backroom and for the whole time they were there Charlie and Owen didn’t once let go of each other’s hands. 

- 

The two boys left the tattoo parlour a few hours later, hand in hand and new tattoos covered in a protective cling film. 

“Do you wanna head back?” Charlie questioned, swinging their hands between them. Owen sighed. 

“Not really, but we probably should. It’s late.” He answered. Charlie nodded in agreement. 

“True. Plus the date doesn’t have to end just because we go back to the hotel... There’s a nice comfy bed and some red wine with our names on it.” He raised an eyebrow and Owen smiled. 

“Fancy.” 

“Only the best for you.” Charlie grinned, and Owen pulled him close, pulling down their masks so that their lips could meet in a rough kiss. 

And if it took them almost an hour to make the 15 minute walk back to the hotel then that was just between them. 

-

Charlie unlocked the door to the hotel room and pushed it open, frowning when he spotted Margaux sat on the ground, staring out the window at the city lights.  

“Why are you still awake Mags?” He asked as he pulled off his mask, drawing the four year old’s attention to them. 

“Missed you.” She said softly, her voice wobbling. 

“Oh baby, come here.” Charlie squatted down and the four year old ran into his arms, burying her face in his neck. Owen nodded towards their bedroom and Charlie gave him a small smile to let the younger boy know he understood. 

“You were gone but you said you wouldn’t go.” Margaux mumbled. 

“You knew I was gonna go out with Papa for a little bit, remember? It’s okay, I’m back, and I promise I’m not going anywhere. Okay?” He tangled his hand through her curls and the four year old hummed in response. 

“Okay.” She agreed, her voice no louder than a whisper. Thinking quickly, Charlie decided the best course of action would be distraction. 

“Hey, you wanna see Daddy’s new tattoos?” He asked, and Margaux nodded, moving back slightly. Charlie smiled at her. 

“First I got this one here.” He lifted his arm to show her the heart tattoo on his ribcage, the plastic mostly obscuring it. 

“And I got this one here for my favourite person in the whole entire world.” He finished, showing her the tiny cursive M inked into his wrist.

“An M for Margaux, so I always have you with me.” He said, and she peered at the tiny ink on his wrist, a small smile appearing on her face. 

“I like it.” She told him. “Can I have one?” Charlie laughed.

“When you’re all grown up, okay?” He replied, ruffling her hair. 

“Okay.” She agreed. They fell silent, and Charlie was just about to suggest that it was time for Margaux to hop into her bed when she spoke up again. 

“Daddy?” Her voice sounded small. 

“Yeah baby?” Charlie replied. 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Margaux questioned, already leaning back into his arms. 

“Of course baby. You got Mr Penguin?” He asked. 

She held the penguin up and Charlie grinned.

“Great, let’s go.” 

He stood up, taking her spare hand to lead her towards the bedroom, pushing the door open to where Owen was sat, already in bed with Netflix loaded on the TV. 

“Papa! I’m gonna sleep here with you.” Margaux exclaimed, diving onto the bed as Owen raised an eyebrow, looking towards Charlie with a knowing look.

“Oh really? What about your bed?” He asked.

“She was sad.” Charlie pouted, and Owen just shook his head. 

“Come on baby, in you get.” Charlie said, letting the four year old climb into the bed before climbing in after her, grinning when she settled into his arms, her head on his chest. 

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, and once she did, Owen spoke up, his voice soft. 

“You know one day you gotta stop letting her climb into bed with you.” He whispered. Charlie made a noise in response, his eyes never once leaving Margaux. 

“One day... just not today.” He replied. 

“The longer you give in the harder it’s gonna be for you. Cause I know it’s as much you as it is her.” Owen said, and Charlie sighed, his fingers tangled through Margaux’s curls as the four year old slept peacefully in his arms. 

“I know.” He started. “I just...” 

Owen reached out, linking his hand through one of Charlie’s and giving it a light squeeze. 

“It’s stupid.” Charlie mumbled. Owen moved slightly, placing a kiss on the side of Charlie’s head. 

“I’m sure it’s not.” He assured the older boy. Charlie was silent for a moment before talking. 

“She’s just always been with me and has always needed me to do everything for her, and now she’s getting older and she can do all of these things on her own, and I just get worried that she’s not gonna need me any more, or she’ll decide that she doesn’t want these nights where she asks to sleep with me.” He rambled. 

“You’re her dad. She’s always gonna need you Char.” Owen assured him. Charlie hummed in response, and Owen took that as a sign to change the topic, a small smile appearing on his face. 

“So I’m guessing no post date make out session or red wine.” He joked, and Charlie sighed. 

“Sorry.” He muttered. Owen rolled his eyes, snuggling as close to Charlie as he could get without disturbing Margaux. 

“I was joking Char.” He said, and Charlie moved to place a soft kiss on Owen’s lips. 

“I had a really good time tonight.” Owen whispered against Charlie’s lips and Charlie smiled. 

“Me too.” He agreed. 

“Do we have any plans tomorrow?” Owen inquired, and Charlie paused for a moment. 

“Not that I know of. Why? Have something in mind?” He moved back slightly so that he could look at Owen’s face. 

“I thought maybe the four of us could go play mini golf or something like that?” Owen suggested. Charlie smiled. 

“That sounds like a lot of fun.” He answered. They fell into a comfortable silence, both boys closing their eyes, but there was something that Charlie knew he had to say. He opened his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.  

“Hey Owen?” He whispered. Owen opened his eyes, focusing on Charlie instantly. 

“Yeah?” He questioned. Charlie smiled. 

“I love you.” He murmured. Owen smiled, rubbing his nose against Charlie’s. 

“Love you too Char.” He replied. Charlie shook his head. 

“No... I’m in love with you.” He clarified. Owen’s jaw dropped slightly, but he recovered quickly. 

“I’m in love with you too.” He returned, and Charlie lent in to kiss him gently. 

“It scares me.” Owen whispered once they pulled apart. “How much I love you.” 

“Honestly, me too. But we’re in this together. And I love you as much as you love me, so don’t overthink it, okay?” Charlie replied.

“Okay.” Owen agreed. 

“We should get some sleep.” Charlie said after a moment and Owen nodded, placing once last kiss to Charlie’s lips. 

“Sounds good. I love you.” He whispered, and Charlie could already feel himself drifting off as he whispered a response. 

“I love you too Owen.” 

[kylo-renakin]

Death in Star Wars, and How Ben Solo Was Shafted: A Mini Meta

Something has been bothering me about Ben’s death in The Rise of Skywalker. While I’m upset that he died, I echo the sentiments of other fans that just as offensive was the way that he died and how his death was treated in the context of the film. It bothered me because death has always been a part of Star Wars, but usually handled much better.

And so this meta was born.

I will be doing a brief analysis of significant character deaths from the Star Wars movies. I don’t want to touch on all of them because there are simply too many, so I’ll focus on the ones that were either major characters (i.e. trio billing or main villain) or narratively important (i.e. Shmi Skywalker).

This list will be approached chronologically within the Star Wars universe, beginning with:

Qui-Gon Jinn; portrayed by Liam Neeson

Personal feelings: I cried like a baby. Qui-gon holds a special place in my heart. His death was both epic and sombre. It hurt to watch other main cast celebrating their victory after defeating their respective challenges and then cut to Obi-wan cradling his master’s head in his lap, crying.

Mode of death: Killed by Darth Maul at the end of The Phantom Menace. His actual death takes a few minutes of screen time, an outburst/scream from another main character (Obi-wan). He has last words to say to the person he has the closest on screen relationship with.

Aftermath: Held by a visibly devastated Obi-wan while he died. Sombre funeral pyre. Death discussed on screen by the council and Obi-wan.

Narrative purpose: To enable Anakin’s training under Obi-wan, which is pivotal to the overall arc of this trilogy. To provide a tangible loss and character growth for Obi-wan, who failed to save his master from a Sith--later mirrored by Obi-wan’s inability to save Anakin from becoming a Sith in Episode III, thereby providing a narrative ‘tail-end’ to Obi-wan’s journey in the trilogy. To cement the master/apprentice relationship as loving, emotional, familial, which then adds narrative depth to the bond between Obi-wan and Anakin. To introduce a cohesive theme of death, failure, and loss at the hands of the dark side that would pervade this trilogy.

Overall response: This death is both emotional and narratively important. It’s given the weight and time it deserves to have an impact on the characters. 

Shmi Skywalker; portrayed by Pernilla August

Personal feelings: Rough acting aside, watching a person die in their family member’s arms is always sad. It’s an extremely dark moment in a film that otherwise leans heavily into romance, action, and detective-mystery storytelling.

Mode of death: Tortured by Tusken Raiders. Died from her injuries. Again, her actual death takes a couple of minutes of screen time. She is able to say some last words to her son, the most important character relationship for this character.

Aftermath: Dies in the arms of her visibly devastated son. Anakin murders the Tuskens for revenge. On screen funeral where she is mourned and memorialized by her family/loved ones.

Narrative purpose: To drive Anakin further to the dark side by taking advantage of his love and compassion and turning this into anger and hate (revenge against the Tuskens). To plant the seeds of Anakin’s inability to save the ones he love. To emphasize his failure to keep his promise to return to his mother and free her. (Despite being freed off screen, she essentially died in captivity anyway, and Anakin was not the one to free her.) To further the cohesive themes of the trilogy: death, failure, loss, the power of the dark side.

Overall response: While not as moving for me personally as Qui-gon’s death, it has a very relevant thematic purpose and furthers the story. Shmi’s death is given adequate time on screen and we are able to observe the responses and aftermath of that loss.

Padme Amidala; portrayed by Natalie Portman

Personal feelings: We make jokes about how she lost the will to live, but her funeral was beautiful and Natalie’s delivery of the line “you’re going down a path I can’t follow” feels extremely important in this story.

Mode of death: Up for debate. She has lost the will to live after giving birth to Luke and Leia in the wake of Anakin’s fall to the dark side. Some have theorized that her life force was taken (or given?) to keep Anakin alive, but this is not made explicit in the movies. She dies beside Obi-wan Kenobi, and has the time to say last words--words of hope for Anakin’s eventual redemption. Her death itself takes several minutes and is followed up with screen time for a funeral where characters acknowledge her death.

Aftermath: The gorgeous and enormous funeral, mourned as a queen and a senator and a good woman. Anakin (as Darth Vader) mourns with a devastated and poorly acted “nooooo”.

Narrative purpose: To fulfill the themes of death, loss, and failure (Anakin’s failure to keep her alive) at the hands of the dark side. To provide a character loss that mimics the loss of democracy, freedom, and goodness that has fallen to Palpatine’s control. To provide a visual and narrative parallel between the death of Anakin (through the death of his love) and the birth of Darth Vader.

Overall response: While this death was definitely poorly handled it did have narrative significance and it was arguably necessitated by having to have this trilogy line up with the original trilogy. Her short funeral was one of my favorites in the series.

Obi-wan Kenobi; portrayed by Sir Alec Guinness/Ewan McGregor

Personal feelings: I feel weird having an opinion about this one because this movie was made well before I was born, and so I didn’t feel a real connection to/nostalgia from these characters the way I did with the prequels and sequels. Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan was a huge part of my childhood, so watching A New Hope in retrospect makes this death sad for me.

Mode of death: Killed by Darth Vader/becomes one with the Force. Essentially sacrifices himself so that Luke doesn’t try to come after him.

Aftermath: Luke shouts “no!”. In a later scene, Luke further acknowledges his death--”I only wish Ben were here”. Ben is later seen as a Force ghost in Episodes V and VI, continuing to acknowledge his character’s death and ongoing influence on, importance to, and relationship with Luke.

Narrative purpose: To provide growth for Luke’s character as he grapples with losing a mentor and surrogate father figure who was also the last person (he believed) who was a link to Luke’s (supposedly) dead hero father that Luke looked up to--and setting us up for this narrative complication in VI. To demonstrate that the Jedi/good guys of the film win through self-sacrifice and not through anger, hate, or fear, which is very thematically resonant in this trilogy.

Overall response: Narratively meaningful, and the character’s death is immediately recognized. We get to see the response of the characters who he has the closest relationships with.

Yoda; portrayed by Frank Oz

(I just love The Last Jedi, okay??)

Personal feelings: It was kind of sad, in the way any person dying of old age is. It did feel more overtly spiritual than Obi-wan’s death.

Mode of death: Dies of old age, in his own home, in his own bed, with Luke beside him. His death scene lasts a few minutes and he has some last words.

Aftermath: We see Yoda again as a force ghost, which we are expecting as an audience since his body fades like Obi-wan’s did. There is sufficient closure. Luke is present for Yoda’s death and, at this point in the films, is the only character relationship Yoda has left alive--therefore this is the most significant his death can be to someone. Luke doesn’t look overly upset but this is not painted to be a sad death, as death by old age is usually more a fact of life and a nice reprieve from untimely losses.

Narrative purpose: Honestly, it’s been a long time since I watched the original trilogy so I’m kind of stretching here. I’m going to borrow from The Last Jedi and say that Yoda’s death allows Luke to grow beyond his master and stand on his own two feet as a fully autonomous agent of goodness. He no longer has the crutch of wise older men to lean on and must make his decisions on his own. Yoda’s death frees Luke to be the master of his own destiny, now knowing the truth of his parentage and no longer being guided by others to do what they think is best (kill Vader).

Overall response: One of the less impactful deaths in the series, but I do appreciate how it adds to Luke’s growth as a character and transition into Jedi Master.

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader; portrayed by James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen, and Jake Lloyd

Personal feelings: This is the big one™ of the trilogy, and it shows. Watching Luke trying to literally drag his father to safety is raw and heartbreaking. Seeing him unmasked for his son is chilling. The funeral pyre is beautiful. This definitely made me feel the feelings.

Mode of death: Sacrificed himself to kill Palpatine. Death lasts several minutes. Dies in Luke’s arms and Luke cries as he dies.

Aftermath: Funeral pyre. Force ghost Anakin bringing peace to Luke and cementing his redemption.

Narrative purpose: Too much to list! Reinforcing that good guys sacrifice themselves to protect the people they love. Bringing balance to the Force by killing the Emperor (thanks JJ for messing that up by the way). Finding peace with Obi-wan as a force ghost. Showing that the belief that people can be saved from themselves is validated. I’m sure there’s plenty more besides but this one is so narratively rich that it would take forever to mine.

Overall response: Extreme narrative importance. Basically ties together six movies. Emotional, beautiful, resonant.

Han Solo; portrayed by Harrison Ford

Personal feelings: Ouch, ouch, ouch! This was... this was angsty. I love angsty. I cannot possibly find adequate words to describe how well done this scene and this death was. One of my top three moments of The Force Awakens.

Mode of death: Struck through the chest with a lightsaber by his son, Ben Solo (under the alias of Kylo Ren), after an attempt to save him from the dark side and bring him home. His body falls into the pit on Starkiller Base.

Aftermath: So. Much. Rey screams “no!” Finn is visibly upset, too. Chewie roars in agony and shoots Kylo Ren with his bowcaster. Leia can be seen feeling Han’s death and cannot find the strength to keep standing. Kylo/Ben looks immediately shaken by what he has done. Rey and Leia share a sad hug at the end of the film. In The Last Jedi, reactions continue. Luke is shaken by the revelation of Han’s death and spends a quiet moment in the Falcon mourning him. Kylo/Ben’s reaction continues to spiral. Snoke, in one of my favorite lines in the film, announces that “the deed split [his] spirit to the bone”. Rey grieves Han and accuses Ben of hating him. Luke warns Kylo that he will always be with him, “just like [his] father”. Han’s shadow is felt all over The Last Jedi without him being present. Even without the further reactions in The Rise of Skywalker (Rey saying Ben is haunted by him, the literal memory scene on the Death Star), the impacts of Han Solo’s death are the most significant in the entire franchise.

Narrative purpose: To advance both internal and external character conflicts. Kylo killing Han provides an external conflict between him and the heroes--particularly between him and Rey as Rey yearns for parents who love her and Ben (seemingly) rejects/kills his that do. It also provides a meaty internal conflict for Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, who is the most nuanced villain I have ever seen in film. While Han’s death doesn’t seem to serve a main theme in The Force Awakens (it is my perspective that JJ does not have cohesive overarching themes in his two entries in the saga), it does blend in pretty well with The Last Jedi’s preoccupation with killing the past. The thematic takeaway from The Last Jedi is that you can’t and shouldn’t kill the past, you should learn from it and move on--and Kylo killing Han neatly fits into this theme by showing that Kylo tried to kill his past by killing his father, and yet he was unable to move on because of it.

Overall response: Poignant. Purposeful. Well-crafted. The effects are long lasting and felt throughout the trilogy. This is not a meaningless death. Of the entire saga, this is the death that is given the most acknowledgement.

Supreme Leader Snoke; portrayed by Andy Serkis

Personal feelings: I was on the edge of my fucking seat. This is not emotionally resonant because we don’t care about Snoke but it was huge and shocking and had these enormous narrative implications moving forward.

Mode of death: Cut in half by Kylo Ren while he narrates his own death.

Aftermath: The Praetorian guards spring into action to avenge their master. In a later scene, we see Snoke’s severed legs topple to the floor. Hux is visibly shaken and angry. Kylo Ren acknowledges the death (by blaming it on Rey) and takes Snoke’s position as Supreme Leader (”the Supreme Leader is dead”, “long live the Supreme Leader”). I’m... going to ignore how The Rise of Skywalker handled Snoke. It was unnecessary to have Snoke clones from a storytelling perspective. It added nothing to the narrative, just used as a clumsy way to justify that Palpatine was really pulling the strings all along.

Narrative purpose: To deepen the perceived conflict within Kylo Ren and showing his unwillingness to kill Rey. This further complicates their relationship moving forward as we’ve established that the new head honcho powerful villain has no real desire to hurt the hero. The narrative implications of this moving forward were so rich. Pity JJ ignored them. Additionally: To show Kylo Ren symbolically surpassing Darth Vader. In Episode III Anakin claims he will overthrow the Emperor and rule the galaxy with Padme. He never achieves this. But Kylo Ren does (minus the Empress by his side). To deepen the theme of Kylo Ren trying to kill/bury the past in order to become stronger (and ultimately failing). To add Snoke to the list of characters in the movie who embody the theme of failure. To shake up an expected narrative trajectory and provide new pathways for future storytelling. (Again, JJ, looking at you.)

Overall response: Loved it. Loved it. Not as resonant as some of the other deaths but by far to me the most shocking.

Luke Skywalker; portrayed by Mark Hamill

Personal feelings: Okay, this is a big one. Here’s the thing. I did not grow up with the original trilogy. I never really cared for Luke (didn’t dislike him either, just ‘meh’). But this movie. This movie. I went on a journey with Luke. I saw him as fallible. As human. Making mistakes. Failing. Falling into depression. And overcoming it. I cried when Luke Skywalker died. I did not think that would happen. I did not think I would ever love Luke so much.

Mode of death: Force projects himself across the galaxy to face his nephew and save the Resistance; the effort kills him. Luke’s death takes a couple of minutes of screentime, and it is gorgeous. Hamill acts his ass off. The music, the visuals, everything combines to make this the most emotional death in Star Wars--a fitting end for its first hero.

Aftermath: Leia and Rey feel his death in the Force. They speak to each other quietly about it. They know it was peaceful. Luke, knowing he was going to die, came and saw his sister first and gave them beautiful closure and a message of hope. Just before Luke dies, he warns Kylo/Ben that he’ll always be with him. Just like his father. Luke fades into the Force and we know we will see him again as a force ghost (which we do, but JJ managed to trash even that). The boy on Canto Bight and his friends are inspired by the legend of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. He ignites hope throughout the galaxy once more.

Narrative purpose: Multiple. As above, inspiring hope throughout the galaxy once more. To serve the theme of self-sacrifice. Achieving victory without violence (pacifistic). Preventing Kylo Ren from killing more people he cares about (Rey, Leia, Luke) and thereby protecting him, at least a little, from himself. Also serves a similar purpose to Yoda’s death--with both Luke and Snoke dying, Rey and Kylo Ren are without masters, the arbiters of their own destiny (thanks again JJ for fucking that up too).

Overall response: I can’t decide if this or Han Solo’s death is more emotionally impactful to me. They are both so, so moving, and so essential to the narrative.

Leia Organa; portrayed by Carrie Fisher

Personal feelings: This is hard. I don’t think her scenes in The Rise of Skywalker worked. They were cut from The Force Awakens for a reason--and then cobbled together like some kind of Frankenstein’s Monster for this movie. As much as I love Leia and Carrie, I couldn’t feel emotion for her death because it was so wooden and artificial.

Mode of death: Uses the last of her energy to reach her son (it is unclear exactly how she is reaching him. Force projection? Did she create the Han memory? Who knows.) Even with so little to work with, they still managed to focus on her death with her lying down, her hand falling to the side--trying to give this some weight.

Aftermath: Chewie mourns. Ben and Rey both feel her death and are clearly devastated. The Resistance gather around her body in mourning. Her body fades at the same time as Ben’s (wtf, JJ) and then we see her as a force ghost with Luke (but not Ben because fuck him apparently). 

Narrative purpose: To bring her son back to the light, something that has been a central struggle of this trilogy. Sacrificing yourself to save that which you love.

Overall response: It has a purpose, but I can’t help but think it wouldn’t have gone this way if Carrie hadn’t died. It doesn’t seem as organic as the deaths of Han and Luke.

NB: I’m skipping Palpatine because his death was literally nothing else than “defeat the big bad”. It wasn’t even fulfilling a prophecy, it had no significant narrative weight for Rey, it was a nothing burger.

Ben Solo/Kylo Ren; portrayed by Adam Driver

Personal feelings: Twofold. In the cinema, I felt nothing. Nothing. I actually laughed in surprise. Like, “what was that”? The next day, at home, I cried. I don’t think I cried because he died. I was open to that possibility. I cried because I was so, so angry at how poorly his arc and death was handled. Like he was a footnote in his own fucking story. I think him living was a much more interesting story, narratively and thematically, but I wasn’t necessarily opposed to his death if it was done well. And it wasn’t.

Mode of death: Uses the last of his life energy to resurrect Rey. Falls over. (Plop, there he goes.) Fades into the force.

Aftermath: Like, none? Rey looks kind of surprised and blinks for a couple of seconds. No words are exchanged. He just tips over and dies. Cool.

Narrative purpose (or failure thereof): I am fucking reaching here because all of the previously established trajectories and themes are dashed by this ending. We could argue that this is a self-sacrifice to save what you love theme point. Which is fine, but like, no one mourns. He doesn’t become a Force Ghost. No one acknowledges his death. Ben fading into the Force is a metaphor for him fading from people’s minds. It’s like he doesn’t even exist in the context of the story anymore. Which is insanely baffling because all three of the original trilogy heroes sacrificed their lives, at least in part, to save Ben Solo. So that he could in turn save Rey? So he’s just another cog in the machine? This was always about Rey and never about the love Han and Leia had for their son, or that Luke had for his nephew? If you think about it, the only other ‘main’ characters to die during the course of their trilogy were Qui-gon and Padme. And both of those characters had funerals, and people mourning, and huge narrative implications. The death of Ben Solo reads like the death of a minor character. It serves one very narrow and already over-represented theme. The death of all of the rest of the Skywalkers had huge emotional ramifications for the other characters in the films. With Ben Solo, the Skywalker legacy fades as well, as if JJ is telling us that this saga was not about this family at all, but their whole story existed only for the point of saving Palpatine’s granddaughter. How fucked up is that?

Overall response: Narratively, this just doesn’t make sense. It’s lazy and not impactful. When a character dies in films, you want the audience to feel something, so you show other characters reacting to it. Are they sad? Then we should feel sad too! Are they elated? We should be celebrating! No one reacts to Ben’s death, so we’re not sure how we’re supposed to feel, either. The people who are devastated by this death are the ones who love the character itself and are upset that he got treated this way--the death itself was hollow and emotionless.

So, there you have it. Ben Solo was shafted. Death is extremely prevalent in these movies, and yet, being the only new Skywalker of the sequels and half the protagonist (thank you Rian), Ben Solo has arguably the least emotional or narratively impactful death in the franchise.

Rian Johnson would never do this to Ben Solo.

[juniorgman187]

Love & Other Drugs (Reid Fic) Part 2

Summary: Reid’s addiction is proven to stand in the way of many things, including his and Reader’s first kiss.  Pairing: Fem!Reader x Season 2/ Season 3 Spencer Reid Category: Mini-series, Angst Word Count: 4k Content Warning: Allusions to addiction, fear of flying

PART 1 HERE!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

It took all of me not to pay attention to the way Spencer led me through the park by holding my hand, but my heart was beating like a hammer against cloth. I fear he might’ve even heard it thumping out of my chest whenever he’d look over his shoulder and make sure I was still there behind him. There was always a small smile that followed his action, a physical manifestation of his joy when he looked back and saw me already looking at him, too.

Was this the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde duality I was suspicious of witnessing on the first day we met? Because I assure you, if you had told me that the guy I met that day was capable of taking me to a silent film in a field, I wouldn’t have believed you, much less that I’d agree - even want - to go. Even now, I’m not sure this feels real. 

“This is a good spot, right? It’s equidistant from the car to the scree-”

“It’s perfect.” I quickly shut him up with a lighthearted laugh. 

He sighed happily and released my hand for a brief moment to lay down the blanket for us to sit on. At first when we sat down, we were both too shy to be too close. 

Here again, Spencer saw our glaring similarities peeking through. Not just in our mutual bashfulness, but in the way we were sitting; both of our legs were outstretched in front of us as we leaned back on our hands. 

In a pure-of-heart manner, I felt Spencer extend his pinky to graze over mine. That was the extent of our physical touch, but even with as little of an action as it was, it still gave me more butterflies than any hand-holding, hug, or kiss ever had. That’s how magical his touch was ... how magical he was. 

Had I not been observing him from my peripherals, I might’ve not noticed his relentless staring. I calculated it later on, but I think he watched me more than he watched the movie. I would even argue that he looked at me like the whole world could crumble and still, he wouldn’t blink. 

It was somewhere in the climax of the film, where Spencer leaned in, and I followed suit, taking his sudden movement as an indication that he was going to whisper something in my ear. 

“Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance,” After a minute of confusion, I quickly realized he was vocalizing the dialogue of the silent movie. “They only know it feels right to be with one another.”

Though this was a direct quote from the film, it felt like he was speaking it right to me, and I had to think that there was some sort of special significance to this statement, otherwise why would it be the only one he chose to say out loud out of all the inaudible verses he could’ve chosen from? 

Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another. I recited in my head. 

I’d already been looking at him, but now, I was actually seeing him. 

I think my soul recognized his. 

My eyes unintentionally fell to his lips, giving him the green light to lean in even closer. There was nearly no distance between us; I could feel his breath fanning over my mouth, but right as I inclined forward, a drop of water ran down my cheek. It shocked me and made me recoil backward, seizing the distance I advanced. 

All at once, many more drops of rain came, earning squeals and yelps from the crowd. Chaos erupted in the form of abandoned blankets, a dampening film screen, and squelching grass under the pitter patter of a hundred running feet. With ardent conviction, Spencer took my hand so we could run to the car to escape the rain beating down on us. I heard him laugh and it made me do just the same. We were so happy just running in the rain. 

“Get in! Get in!” Spencer shrieked as he opened my door to slide me into the passenger seat. It didn’t go unnoticed that he still took the time to be a gentleman despite the chaos of the storm. 

We were both audibly breathless when he finally got into the car, our panting steaming up the car and casting fog on all surrounding windows. 

“Oh god,” I sighed when I examined the state of my stringy hair in the visor’s mirror. 

The sound of rain relentlessly pelting the windshield, sounding more like heavy hail than delicate drops of water, mixed with the sound of our breathlessness as the adrenaline coursed through our veins. I looked over at Spencer to see his cheeks flushed red from the running and how his hair had been dampened into wet curls and I had laughed. 

“What? Why are you laughing at me?” He innocently asked. 

“No, no I’m not laughing.” I said, while laughing. 

“Yes, you are! Why? What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, you’re just so …” My voice faded out upon the realization that we were exactly as we were before the rain started to fall - centimeters apart. 

There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss him, and I actually might’ve after he gently caressed my face while drawing me nearer. We both shut our eyes in preparation for what we thought would be the world’s greatest, most addictive kiss, but I felt myself draw back and hesitate. It was on instinct; a completely separate motion from my mind, but my body did it anyway, as if it knew something that my mind didn’t. 

“Okay, okay - we don’t have to kiss.” He instantly surrendered, pulling away completely. 

“No, no it’s not that. I did want to kiss you.” I said with utter frustration at myself for ruining the moment like that, especially because I didn’t even mean to back out, I just did. 

“But?”

But I needed to figure out my feelings before I toyed with his. 

I couldn’t kiss him because it would’ve been selfish. It would’ve been a careless action in the heat of the moment and it would’ve told him that I had romantic feelings for him and that I always had, but I didn’t know if that was really true. I mean, originally, I wasn’t spending time with him because I liked him like that - I was spending time with him because I was stubborn, and curious, and combative, and everything he didn’t deserve. And while my feelings may have changed, maybe into something more genuine, I never wanted to lead him on - even if I did feel the same way. 

He is such a good guy, and I would’ve brought ruin upon him even further. 

“But um, if we stay in our wet clothes any longer, we’ll probably get sick.” I told him, lying right through my teeth. 

He seemed to accept this as an answer, but this determination was based off of my limited perception of him, considering he was well on his way to driving out of the parking lot before I could look at him any further. 

The air was colder now, and not just because of the heavy rainfall. There was clearly a shift in our dynamic, probably because he didn’t know how to act around me anymore, but still, I made no attempts to change that. I think I was just as confused as he was and any more muddling of the situation on my part would’ve only made things worse. It was better that I left things alone this time. 

“Thank you. For the ride.” I awkwardly chirped when he dropped me off; this was the first words spoken the entire duration of the car ride. 

He pursed his lips once more into a thin line, and this time I recognized that this wasn’t a smile. “No problem.” 

Something in me was tethering me to this car and it wouldn’t let me leave. 

I had to tell him. 

“Hey, Spencer?” I glanced over my shoulder with my hand still on the interior car handle. “I’m sorry.” 

He shook his head almost with a laugh. “Don’t be sorry. You did nothing wrong.” 

And maybe he was being truthful, maybe he was being so incredibly honest, but a part of me just couldn’t believe that he was sincerely okay with my denial of his kiss. But then again, maybe it was me who wasn’t sincerely okay with the denial of his kiss. 

There were words still left unspoken hanging in the air, but neither I, nor him, decided to vocalize them. Maybe in some way, we already knew. 

In one swift motion, I opened the door and left his car while the rain drummed on me.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t stall my walk a little just to avoid reaching a distance too far from his car to hear him call out a protest to stop. Maybe I was even waiting for him to join me in the rain, as hopelessly romantic as that sounds. 

“(Y/n)?” 

Like an expectant animal, my ears perked up when I heard Spencer call out my name over the hood of the car. “Yes?” 

He looked down briefly before mustering up the courage to say, “I’m sorry, too.” For what reason he was apologizing, I didn’t know.

“Why?”

“I was a jerk to you the first day I met you and you didn’t deserve that.” He finished his sentence, but I could tell there was something more he wanted to say. If he had said it, I imagine he would’ve finally admitted what we both couldn’t stop thinking about. 

His addiction. 

“You’re forgiven,” I lightheartedly laughed with the hope that he understood there was nothing I needed to truly forgive him for. 

As quickly as he must’ve exited his car, he just as quickly re-entered it. With his voice and mine banned from speaking, the sound of the storm was almost loud enough to drown out the sound of Spencer’s car driving away before I’d even reached my door - almost. It was then that I turned over my shoulder to observe his yellow headlights glowing against the world’s grayness, but the warm yellow slowly disappeared behind his harsh red back lights as he drove off. The poignant red of his back lights was all the more a reminder that he was leaving me, and that I was alone. It was such an empty feeling. 

As I stood in the rain watching him drive away, I grew more and more disgusted with myself. I should’ve stopped him from leaving. I should’ve said everything I wanted to. 

Just then when I came to that very realization, a frigid gust of wind nearly knocked me over. Nature’s cruel irony had never been so apparent to me until this moment. 

You’ll understand why storms are named after people. 

And I was his. 

_ _ _ 

The Behavior Analysis Unit in Quantico is requesting your presence. The email read. 

There’s a name I hadn’t seen in a while - the B.A.U. It’d been what - almost a year now? I hadn’t seen or heard from Spencer since our poorly-ending-movie-date, hence why I bitterly laughed at my screen as I swirled a red sucker in my mouth. “As you wish, Your Highness.” 

Fully expecting to see my station - and only my station - when I leaned forward off my desk, I turned around only to be met with my station and something else. 

Or should I say someone else?

Because Spencer was there, too. 

“Spencer!” I nearly choked on the lollipop that was now loosely hanging from my mouth after my ceaseless coughs successfully dislodged it from my throat. He chuckled in pure amusement at my reaction. At last, when my cough subsided, I was finally able to croak out the question, “What are you doing here?” 

While I waited for his answer, I took his pause as an opportunity to really grasp him in his new form. His hair was much longer than I remembered it being, and it sure had a lot less hair gel, too. He also looked much better, and by that I mean, he didn’t read so much as an addict anymore. His appearance wasn’t untidy anymore, his fidgeting and anxiousness had withered away, and if I didn’t know any better, I think this was a good sign. 

He wasn’t addicted to whatever he was addicted to anymore. 

Of course, he answered my question before I had the chance to breach the subject. “I thought I saw a sign outside the door prohibiting food inside the lab.” 

His eyes turned to slits as a physical display of his sarcasm while he walked around the station to meet me on the other side but with a tantalizingly slow pace. With every word he said, he inched closer and closer until finally, we were so close that I could actually smell his cologne. “Unless, of course, I’m mistaken, and this lollipop is currently under examination.” 

It was unlawful how he could pull off saying something so nerdy. He had no right to sound as sexy as he did. 

“Ooh, yes. Talk dirty to me, Doctor.” I purred jokingly, pulling him in by the fabric of his tie. Even he couldn’t keep up his cool guy act in the face of my jest. He laughed before he could even think not to.

“You’re ridiculous,” He shook his head. “And a bad girl.”

Again - that should not have sounded as sexy as it did. 

“Is this how you fulfill your need for excitement? By sneaking suckers into your lair and breaking the rules.” His tone was thick with playful mockery, but the kind where it wasn’t as offensive as it was just to make fun.

“For your information - this job is plenty exciting enough as it is. Especially whenever a Doctor sneaks into my lab.” 

He caught the reference of himself but didn’t bother entertaining it with a laugh. He couldn’t keep his eyes on mine long enough to disguise the way he persistently stared. He was still too focused on the inner workings of my mouth and the candy. It was rather entertaining, if I do say so myself. I could even see the gears in his brain turning. He was clearly formulating something according to the display of squinted eyes and knitted brows. 

My suspicions were confirmed when all of a sudden, he firmly pinched my chin with his index finger and thumb to pucker my lips enough to create a small opening for him to successfully rob my mouth of the sweet. 

“Hey!” I whined. “I wasn’t done eating that!” 

Dominance gleamed in the sheen of his narrow eyes. He was enjoying this. “You are now.” 

My childish pout and grumpy expression asked him to tell me why. To which he answered, “Because we’ve got a flight to catch.” There were so many questions I had. We? A flight? Luckily, I needn’t verbalize them because he answered me anyway. 

“I rode on the jet to pick you up and take you back to Virginia.” 

I lightly scoffed, not actually believing what he was saying was true. “And how’d you manage that?” 

Though I was skeptical, Spencer went on to explain that the team needed me immediately, so they were willing to fly me to Virginia on the jet, but it would be best if one of them escorted me. Seeing as Spencer was more my equal than anyone else, they thought he would be the best flying companion - hence, the flight we were catching. It wasn’t until then that I actually believed him. 

Would you believe it if I told you we were up in the sky in less than 30 minutes? It’s almost as if this was their routine. I’d bet they had grown accustomed to the hectic energy and keeping up with the rush that their jobs demanded, but as a toxicologist, I was taught that taking my time was for the better. I had yet to get used to the fast pace of the B.A.U, which manifested itself in the worst form possible - fear of flying. 

Truthfully, I’d never actually been on a plane before, let alone a jet. I’m sure Reid could tell you a whole heck of a lot more about it, but common sense is that private jets are faster than regular commercial airlines. Jets are specifically built for speed and efficiency. Not to mention they fly at higher cruising altitudes to avoid airline air traffic. So currently flying on the jet meant that I’d entirely skipped the baby step of a regular plane ride that would’ve eased me into this experience - I was jumping right into the deep end. 

Leave it up to the profiler across from me to notice the way I clutched my seatbelt that I couldn’t trust would protect me, or the way I would grip the armrest when we inevitably experienced turbulence, or the deliberate avoidance of the view out the window so I wouldn’t have to confront the realization of just how high up we were. 

“Bad flyer?”

“Yes and no. Yes because I’m terrified of heights, and no, because I’ve never actually been on a plane before, so I haven’t been on enough flights to earn such a title,” my voice quivering as I spoke. 

His eyes widened with visible shock. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that he almost didn’t believe me. “You’ve never been on a plane before?”

“Never.” 

“Ever?”

“Never.” 

Something like a laugh escaped him. “Well you know what that means?” 

I couldn’t be bothered to entertain his mind games so I bluntly questioned, “No, what does it mean?” 

“A fear of flying indicates deep-rooted issues of control - or lack thereof. Do you like to be in control?” His words were testing me. He didn’t actually want to know if I liked being in control, he just wanted me to admit to my weakness. 

And it was somewhere in his teasing that a button must’ve been pressed because what I said next could only be the actions of someone who’d reached their breaking point - someone completely ruthless. “Well, you’re not so perfect yourself, Doctor. We still have yet to talk about the elephant in the room.” Again, I never handled things with much grace, but this by far - was something that I shouldn’t have touched with my tactless hands. 

Spencer wasn’t dumb - he knew what I was talking about, and he knew that I knew he would know what I was talking about, so luckily, he spared us the time and didn’t bother playing dumb. “Yeah, I know,” He bashfully whispered, making me feel all the more guilty about bringing it up. 

“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s just that I noticed you look a lot healthier since the last time I saw you, and I was gonna mention something to you about it in a much nicer way, but it just came out of my mouth right now.” 

“I am doing better. I quit completely 10 months ago.” He explained. (Oh, I stand corrected. It hadn’t been a year since I’d last seen him - just 10 months ago). “But, um . . .” 

Those two words alone were enough to make me prepare for the worst. 

“Recently, I saw this … this kid get shot in front of me,” His voice grew weary. “I thought I could save him, but I didn’t and he died. Right in front of me. And ever since then, I’ve been having - in the literature of the program - what they call ‘cravings’.”

I responded all too quickly, I knew that. I probably should’ve waited, came up with something more sympathetic, but instead, my brain went into autopilot and I asked the most unsympathetic thing you could possibly ask an addict. “Are you getting any help? Like from a professional. I’m not talking about meetings, I’m talking about -”

“Why do you do that?” He cut in. It wasn’t until I heard his voice interrupt my own that I looked at him and saw his countenance. He was pissed. “Why do you always try to fix me?”

This blow to my ego shattered my heart and hardened my defensiveness. “What? What are you talking about? I’m not trying to fix you.” 

He rose from his seat with such speed that I nearly got a head rush from it and couldn’t understand how he didn’t. 

“You’ve been trying to fix me since the day we met!” His voice boomed to a decibel I didn’t recognize. I’d never seen him so angry or so loud before. If I had to make a bet, the pilot could hear exactly what he’d just said - clear as day, as if he was sitting in the co-pilot’s seat right next to him.

With just as much rage, I unbuckled my belt, and for the first time in this entire plane ride, I stood up from my seat - just so I could be equal to him, to show him he shouldn’t dare try to talk down to me. Not after everything that I’ve felt for him.

“Oh, I’m sorry, would you rather I do what your team did? Just pretend your addiction didn’t exist? Walk on eggshells every hour I’m with you? Avoid and ignore every sign? I mean it worked out pretty well, right? Considering a year later, you're still having cravings.” I knew that I’d just crossed multiple lines with my blatant sarcasm, with my insulting of his team and insulting of him. I undoubtedly touched a nerve, but he visibly bit his tongue back before he said something he might regret. 

“Spencer, do you realize that this would be the reaction of anyone watching somebody they love struggle with addiction?” I could see a shift in his demeanor at one point during my sentence. His shoulders relaxed; something I said softened him, but I wouldn’t even come to realize what it was until he pointed it out later. With his silence taken as an allowance to continue, I added, “I pity you if you think that I’m overreacting, because really, I’m doing what everyone in your life should’ve been doing if they really cared about you.”

“You love me?” 

His question seemed so random, so out-of-the-blue, that I wondered where that was evening coming from. In the heat of our argument, I hadn’t even caught my own freudian slip.

“You said, ‘this would be the reaction of anyone watching somebody they love struggle with addiction.’ Are you saying you love me?”

It was probably the first time in this entire discussion that I actually paused to think, but all I could think to do was deflect. It was the only way to spare myself the humiliation. So without a better response, I asked, “So what if I do? That doesn’t change anything.”

“It changes a lot, (y/n).” 

“Oh, really - what does it change?” I challenged. 

“Now, I can finally do this.”

He pulled me in so fast I didn’t have time to think, let alone register that his lips had just collided with mine, or that I was consciously kissing him back. To deepen the kiss, he tilted his head to the side and even sneaked his tongue into my mouth when I parted my lips to breathe the air I was being deprived of. The lack of oxygen to my brain from the way he was swallowing me whole was enough to make me dizzy and lightheaded, and more than enough to make me lose all inhibitions. 

After a year, excuse me, after 10 months, of waiting for the kiss, of waiting for the right moment, or prolonging it while it simultaneously lingered over our heads, we finally kissed. At last, we released the anguish, the desire - everything. We were kissing like we’d never kissed before in our lives and were desperately anxious to know the feeling, and in some ways, that was sort of true. 

So if love really is an addiction, then consider me addicted.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

taglist: 

@rexorangecouny @criminal-jive @andiebeaword @annesauriol @nymeria-targaryen @shae2001bts @sweetboyspencer @archiveofadragon @inkstainedgirl 

[thatwitchyaunt]

Makeup for Magick/Ritual p4: Litha - The Summer Solstice

Now that I no longer feel like lifeless goop, lets get this show back n the road! Litha! I originally waited so long to write this back in June because I was waiting for the Summer Goth Palette from Baby Bat Beauty to show up (it's even got a shade named Litha!). The have cool highlighters and the few metallic/shimmer single shadows I tried were good, but that palette was a nah.

Anyway, Litha, the Summer Solstice. The longest day and shortest night of the year, where we honor the Sun at it's highest point of power. At the same time, we honor the water as this is the time of year when we are drawn most to it, whether we're drinking it (stay hydrated!) or swimming in it. Yellows, bright golds, warm orange-reds, and blue/sea blues are good colors to reach for. However, bright rainbow colors carry over from Beltane. Think of the Sun's bright light filtering through a prism in a window and scattering rainbows all over the room.

The warm nude and rainbow palettes of Beltane are still in play, so I wont be including them in the list. Not my best photo shoot...

First! Tarte!

Tartelette Toasted Palette - It's really the perfect palette for that orange-red, fiery-nude, sun-scorched eye look that seems to be so popular at Litha (on social media, at least).

Be A Mermaid and Make Waves Palette - Fun fact, you can still buy this palette on the Tarte website, but you gotta use the search bar to find it. A good chunk of these shades a rose/nude rose shade of some kind, but no surprise. It's Tarte. HOWEVER! Some of the shimmers in this palette 1) would be really nice for a solstice eye look and 2) are just really pretty in general. "Shell Yeah" and "Mermosa" if you're leaning towards more Sun worship. "Lagoon", "Splash", and "Bubbles" are great for a look leaning more towards water and the sea. "Splash" and "Bubbles" are duochromes that make for a really nice single shadow look, as well.

BH Cosmetics is next!

Hangin' in Hawaii - One of the first Travel Series palettes I bought, specifically for the purpose of being my "light and airy" summer nudes palette. Is it my favorite BH palette? No, but I figured I'd toss it in.

Summer in St. Tropez - If you have this palette, you can definitely get a somewhat decent sun/water eye look from it. Maybe play with the two topper shades up in the top row to add something to it.

Trendy in Tokyo - Obligatory rainbow palette. Mhmm.

Chillin' in Chicago - Now called Amore in Amalfi, because BH are a bunch of cheeky little shites. This palette can lean Summer or Fall, depending on what other palette you pair it with. If you don't want to drop a crap ton of money on the Tartelette Toasted palette, this can give you a somewhat similar look. They're not dupes, not by a long shot, but they can give you that similar "sun-scorched" vibe.

Mimosa - If you already have this, you can get a good summer-sun yellow-orange look out of it.

Now for Give Me Glow!

Summer Vibes - This is an amazing go-to summer palette, solstice and beyond. Summery neutrals, sunny yellows and oranges, and a couple of nice ocean-blues. The metallic blue, "Summer Fling", has a really nice "Sun reflecting on the ocean" look to it. A bunch of the shades make great summer blushes too. If this palette is every discontinued, I'm buying backups!

Pastel Dreams - These brighter pastels can give off "sun bleached" vibes. Just as appropriate as bright rainbow colors.

Extra Spicy - Perfect for a brighter, more fiery-sun look.

Time for Juvia's Place!

The Masquerade Mini - The blues and green-blue in the top row, paired with the warm brown in the bottom two rows can make a decent "seashore" look that I like on solstice, usually with a pop of yellow in the inner corner.

The Zulu - A more summery rainbow palette. The turquoise shades are beauty!

The Afrique - Obligatory rainbow palette with a nice pop of gold.

The Saharan II - Does the same "Seashore" type of look as Masquerade, except you can go lighter. If I had to make a list of favorite summer palettes, this would be on it.

And now, ABH and Norvina!

Norvina Pro Pigment Palette Vol 2 - A decent amount of blues and couple of yellows if that's what your missing in your solstice look.

ABH Modern Renaissance - When I paired the matte pinky-reds with the gold shimmer, the first thing I thought was "Midsummer Fairy". And so, it made the list.

ABH Rivera - The colors in this palette lean more sun-bleached than a typical colorful palette. And again, I consider it appropriate for the sabbat.

"Our lord and savior, ColourPop!" - Theresa is Dead

Limoncello - It's yellow-toned neutral palette with a pop of green and a pop of blue. If you're leaning towards a more yellow-sun look, it's great! but if you wanna make a water-blue look, you're gonna need another palette. It's so damn pretty though. And the shade "Easy Peasy" is a dupe for the duochrome in the Natasha Denona Zendo palette.

Yes, Please! - I'd say stick to the first three columns for sunny, fiery Litha goodness, and pull in the last darker column for Mabon, but that's just me.

Dream St. - You know those scenes in movies, where they're trying to convey how sweltering hot it is by putting a sorta sepia filter over everything, and filming it through the heat waves coming off of the hood of a truck? Yeah, that's this palette. It always gave off that sort of summer vibe to me. So in the "sun-scorched" category, I guess?

As for specific CP monochromatic palettes; Blue Moon and Uh-Huh Honey are excellent blue and yellow palettes for water and sun looks. Also, fuck that yellow pressed glitter.

On to the solo palettes!

Urban Decay Beached Palette - Though it's got a couple ocean blues, it's better for the sun-scorched eye look.

Glamlite Ice Cream Dream Palette - A brighter pastel rainbow palette, and some shades can read 'sun-bleached", so that works great!

Too Faced Life's a Festival Palette - A bunch of fun, summery duochromes and shimmers, though the more yellow "Fun in the Sun" and "Beamin'" would be the ones I reach for for Litha.

Now the single shadows!

The top five are from Shroud Cosmetics. The middle three are from Terra Moons Cosmetics. And the bottom seven are from Looxi Beauty. As you can tell, my singles lean more towards watery blue-greens and less towards the for fiery sun colors.

Shroud Cosmetics

Ignite (fiery copper)

Vigil (yellow-gold)

Oracle (champagne gold)

Sea of Ghosts (a denim blue-based shimmer with a gold/green shift)

Azura (teal blue with a green shift)

Terra Moons Cosmetics

Skyfall (sky blue with a silver and lavender duochrome)

Meteorite (a golden, pink shimmer with hints of green)

Festival (vivid blue with gold shifts)

Looxi Beauty

Sleep Forever (turquoise blue)

Nectar (golden yellow with shifts of green, blue, and orange)

Catty-Pillar (orange with shifts of pink, teal, gold, and purple)

Dream On (aqua blue with a silver sheen)

Siren of the Sea (aqua, blue, green, and gold)

Slurp! (turquoise with a slight green shift)

Donner (blue with gold reflect)

Now onto the Give Me Glow singles. I'm doing something a bit different this time. Here's the concept:

All of my eyeshadow palettes have mysteriously disappeared and all I have left are my GMG singles. Now I have to use only those singles to curate a palette for the holiday. So mu curated GMG Litha palette is:

First (Top) Row: TBT, Fierce, Sweet Tea, Cream Lace, Cream Please

Second Row: Chili, West Coast, Spiked Punch, Havana, Peach Glaze

Third Row: Starboy, Sky High, Bubbles, My Sunshine, Beach Bum

Fourth Row: High By the Beach, Seaside, Mojito, Deep Waters, Halo

And that's it for Litha! Whoo.. Shop your stash and share your picks for Summer Solstice! Next I'll get the Lammas one done and dusted. Then once Henri fucks off, I can get started and Mabon! Lets go!

[noona-clock]

Him - Part 3

Genre: College!AU, Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Jinyoung x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: Very mild cursing

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Words: 2,032

About halfway through your day, you had texted Teddy about having a Self-Care Sunday, but on a Friday.

Your morning meeting with Jinyoung had left you agitated, and you’d received an essay back in one of your classes with a less than stellar grade -- totally not Jinyoung’s fault, but you were allowing yourself to be even more annoyed with him because of it, anyway. You had let your agitation get the best of you at lunchtime, and you’d spilled your soda all over your sweatshirt and jeans. The wet, sticky mess only worsened your mood; therefore, a night of sheet masks and manicures and probably a Jane Austen mini-series was definitely in order.

Teddy, unsurprisingly, had replied immediately with: “My place! 5pm!” and not for the first (nor the last) time, you had thought to yourself how glad you were to have a friend like him.

Once your last class of the day let out just after 4, you headed back to your apartment to pack up your pajamas, some face masks, nail polish, your Pride & Prejudice DVD, and some bags of popcorn. You sent a quick message to Teddy that you were on your way and more than ready for a night of pampering.

When you arrived at Teddy’s place at basically five on the dot, you were greeted by not only your best friend’s smiling face but also the smell of freshly delivered pizza.

Did you have the best best friend or what? You hadn’t even brought up ordering pizza, but he had gone and done it, anyway. He had somehow known you needed the most delicious junk food for dinner to make up for the obnoxious day you’d had.

“I guess seeing Jinyoung just messed up your whole day, huh?” Teddy quipped as you closed his front door behind you.

A look of disgust morphed your features, and you made your way to his kitchen counter to set down everything you’d brought. “I would rather not bring him up, if it’s all the same to you.”

“Okay,” your best friend chuckled. “Whatever you say. Ooh, Pride & Prejudice! And my favorite honey sheet mask?! You did have a bad day.”

“It was so mentally exhausting that you’re probably going to have to stop me from eating literally half of that pizza.”

Teddy quirked his brow at you. “Now, what kind of a friend would I be if I did that?”

A grin curved your lips, and you couldn’t stop yourself from shuffling over to him and wrapping your arms around his middle, pulling him into a tight, comforting hug.

“Thank you,” you murmured, pressing your cheek against his shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, I assume you’d be eating pizza and doing sheet masks and watching romantic movies alone. Which is totally fine, but it’s so much better with me,” Teddy replied, rubbing your back reassuringly. “Now, come on. This pizza’s gonna get cold, and I don’t know how much longer I can wait to see Mr. Darcy.”

“Oh, my god,” Teddy gasped when you hurried back onto the couch after taking the empty pizza box over to the kitchen.

“I’m not taking your honey mask, I promise,” you assured him as you handed him the packet, keeping the cactus flower one for yourself.

“No, not that! But thank you.” He took the mask from you, opening it carefully and reaching inside to pull out the slimy, sweet-smelling piece of cotton. “I just realized that Jinyoung is your Mr. Darcy!”

You almost dropped your mask into your lap.

“What?!” you cried, letting out a sputtering laugh. “Excuse me? Uh -- no. No, that is not at all true. And I told you not to bring him up!”

He had been doing so well! You had gotten through at least forty-five minutes of the movie without even one single mention of Jinyoung!

“No, but think about it,” Teddy urged before he leaned back and delicately placed the sheet mask over his face. “Lizzy and Darcy don’t start off the best of terms. She thinks he’s proud and arrogant, but he’s actually not all that bad. That’s what’s going on right now with you and Jinyoung.”

Of course, being a literature major, you absolutely loved stories. Romantic stories were your drug of choice, and you had practically grown up reading and watching anything having to do with Jane Austen.

Truly, you would be the first to admit if you were living a Pride & Prejudice plot.

“It really isn’t,” you argued, leaning back to put on your own sheet mask.

“Is, too,” Teddy retorted. “Just like Charlotte said about Darcy, Jinyoung isn’t really like that once you get to know him! I think you’re letting the situation get to you, and -- okay, and coming from me, this means something -- you’re being a little dramatic.”

Even though it did hurt to hear Teddy the drama major tell you that you were being dramatic... you knew he was right.

Probably right.

Your parents’ financial strain was definitely trickling down to you, and the pressure to find a job as quickly as possible created more stress on top of the stress you already had from regular college student life.

So, yes. It was entirely possible that this added stress was causing you to see Jinyoung through a more exaggerated, theatrical lens.

But Jinyoung really had said all those rude things to you yesterday! How could you be dramatic about it when he had literally told you to not even apply for the TA position because there was no chance you would get it?

“I don’t know, Teddy,” you murmured. Even though you weren’t entirely convinced you were just being dramatic, you decided to let Teddy think he was right. For now. You let out a relenting sigh and then added, “Okay, well, then tell me more about him in high school.”

“Aha!” Teddy cried triumphantly. “I knew you were interested!”

“No, I -- I’m not interested! Just tell me!” You reached over to gently hit his arm, not wanting to dislodge either of your face masks.

“I’ve got a better idea -- I’ll show you.” Teddy patted his hands around the couch cushion, obviously trying to look for his phone without disturbing his mask. When he found it, he quickly brought it up to his face and began tapping away.

You scooted closer to him, seeing he was bringing up his Facebook app. You watched silently, the dialogue in Pride & Prejudice the only noise in the room as Teddy navigated to Jinyoung’s profile and then into his photo album.

After scrolling quite a bit (high school was a few years in the past at this point, after all), Teddy clicked on Jinyoung’s graduation picture.

“Valedictorian,” you scoffed. “Of course.”

“...Weren’t you whatever comes right after Valedictorian? Second place?”

“Salutatorian,” you grumbled with a roll of your eyes. “Don’t ever tell him that. It’s just another thing he could hold over me.”

Teddy chuckled with bemusement before swiping to the next pictures. When he got to one of Jinyoung and some other guys wearing togas, he explained that was Senior Week. He pointed out his friends, telling you a little bit about them (and how Teddy had had a crush on Jackson for basically the whole four years).

As he swiped through the other pictures from Senior Week, you couldn’t help but notice that Jinyoung looked so... happy. He was smiling and posing cheesily for the camera, and you would never tell Teddy this but... it made you want to be friends with him. You weren’t sure why, but something about him in these pictures was just so enticing. Something besides his good looks.

Teddy also showed you his student council pictures (he had been elected Secretary his Junior and Senior years, which had not surprised you in the least), prom and homecoming pictures (he looked far too dashing in a suit, which also had not surprised you in the least), and pictures of the film club he had started (apparently, the first movie they’d watched had been Rear Window, one of your all-time favorites).

“See?” Teddy said as he put down his phone and slid the sheet mask off his face. “He’s a normal guy.”

“Then why was he such an asshole to me?!” you cried, following suit and taking your own mask off.

“I... honestly don’t know,” Teddy sighed. “I guess he just really wants that TA position. Or maybe he thought no one else was going to apply, and he just wanted to scare away the competition.”

Teddy reached for your discarded sheet mask, getting up to go throw them away. And just before he arrived back at the couch, he stopped. He let out a gasp.

“...What?” you asked cautiously. When Teddy gasped like that, it usually meant you wouldn’t like what he said.

“Do you want me to call him and ask?”

“Call who? Ask what?” Surely, he didn’t mean --

“Jinyoung! Ask him why he was such an asshole to you!”

You simply stared at Teddy, blinking.

What on earth were you supposed to say to that other than, “You’re joking, right?”

“No! I’ll pretend like you’re not here!” Teddy jumped back on the couch, grabbing his phone and tapping again on the screen.

“No, Teddy, I don’t think that’s a --”

But he was already pressing his phone to his ear, and you heard the muffled ringing through the speaker.

Oh, god. He was doing it.

...It’s not like you weren’t curious, but Jinyoung was smart enough to catch on, wasn’t he? And if you ever saw him again -- which you had no intention of doing -- it would be even more awkward!

“Hello?”

Oh, god. He answered.

“Jinyoung, hey!” Teddy greeted, and you buried your freshly hydrated face in your palms. “Listen, I was just curious about something.”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“So, my friend, Y/N. She told me about how you two met yesterday, and she’s very insistent that you were super rude and are an asshole. I know we weren’t exactly friends back in high school, but I mean, we knew each other. I just don’t think that sounds like you at all, and I wanted to clear the air, I guess.”

“...Oh. Well, I, uh -- I don’t want to make excuses or anything, but... she wasn’t exactly polite to me either.”

Your head snapped up, your brow furrowing deeply because what?! He had started it!

“Ah --” Teddy stammered. “Well -- she’s just... she’s kind of stressed out about trying to find a job right now. It’s -- it’s not really my story to tell, but she’s not usually rude. She’s super caring and generous once you get to know her.”

Thank you, Teddy.

“Okay... I’m sorry, but why are you telling me this?”

...Seriously?! What a little shithead!

“I’m just confused about the whole thing because I know that neither of you is really like that. Like I said, I wanted to clear some things up.”

“Ah. I see. Well, I really just think Professor Stewart will pick me, so I don’t want her to get her hopes up.”

He just thinks he knows everything, doesn’t he?!

“Okay, great,” Teddy replied a bit hurriedly, clearly feeling how annoyed you were becoming. “I’ll, uh -- I’ll tell her. But, hey. Any chance you think you guys might want to, like... hang out? Get to know each other?”

You held your breath.

...Why were you holding your breath?

You didn’t care what he had to say to that!

Not one bit!

“...I don’t think so.”

See? You didn’t care! Not one bit!

“Cool. Okay, got it. Thanks, bye!” And Teddy hung up before slowly looking over at you with quite the guilty expression.

“It’s fine!” you assured him, though your tone was clearly one of annoyance. “It’s fine because I don’t like him either. I don’t want to hang out with him or get to know him either. I’m not bothered by the fact he’s not interested in me, I’m really not. Even as a friend.”

Because you weren’t interested in him as a friend either!

It’s fine!

Part 4

[specterchasing-a]

Hold On (Part 2) || Eddie & Alfie

TIMING: One month ago, directly after part one.

LOCATION: En route to the woods.

PARTIES: @yikesimonfire​ & @specterchasing​

SUMMARY: Alfie and Eddie have a heart-to-heart in the car.

CONTENT: Internalized homophobia tw

Eddie mindfully secured his filming equipment in the trunk of Alfie’s odiously yellow station wagon. As he took a step back to close the hatch, an idea occurred to him. He hastily ducked back into the trunk and unzipped his bag to pilfer for his camera. Now satisfied, Eddie slammed the door shut and walked briskly to the car’s passenger-side. The moment he settled into his seat, a pronounced frown settled into his features.

“When are you gonna get your AC fixed?” Eddie implored, his gaze settling on his chaperone. “Every time I get in this car, it feels like the air’s been replaced by uncomfortably warm dog breath.” He refrained from adding that it smelled like it as well. Alfie didn’t need to be subjected to verbal beration of that magnitude after agreeing to accompany him tonight.

While Eddie packed his gear into the back, Alfie hopped into the driver’s seat, helplessly turning the ignition repeatedly until the engine sputtered to life. Immediately, he was hit with a blast of cold air before the air conditioning unit forgot how to work. The ration of cool air was quickly replaced with a suffocatingly stale breeze. Alfie stretched over to unlock the passenger door and cranked the window open before rolling his own window down to allow a more comfortable airflow. Soon enough, Eddie was in the seat beside him.

A laugh reverberated in his chest at Eddie’s comment. “What do you mean?” Alfie asked, emphatically waving his hand at the dashboard. “It’s doing its best. Besides, parts are hard to come by.” That’s what he got for being cheap. What he needed was a new car altogether, but that wasn’t happening any time soon. The wagon got him from point A to B; that would have to be enough. It wasn’t like he needed a functioning air conditioner anyway, not that Eddie was privy as to why. “We can always take yours,” he offered with a small smirk.

“I hate to break it to you, but its best doesn’t cut it. It needs to do another car’s best,” Eddie riffed while opening the viewer on his camera. With the press of a button, it became a diligent archivist of its owner’s per view. Without warning, Eddie lifted the device to eye-level and pointed it in Alfie’s direction. He knew well and good his friend didn’t enjoy being in the crosshairs of his filming, but that never stopped him in the past. Why would it deter him now?

“Trust me, I would love to take the Mini, but it’s… well, mini, and you know that. As quirky as your car is, it has better storage options.” Eddie’s voice lacked interest—he found himself too caught-up in recording to have any to spare. “You have a nice profile, have I said that before?” he asked, slipping further into his seat as he rested his feet on the dashboard. Meanwhile, his eyes (and camera) remained fixated on Alfie.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna happen,” Alfie chuckled as he shifted the car into reverse and eased out of his parking space. With his eyes now fixed on the path ahead, Alfie didn’t notice the camera focused on him. “You really should have considered that when you bought it. What would you do if I ever wasn’t around to lend my cargo space?”

The compliment that soon fell from Eddie’s lips made Alfie’s brow raise. His eyes flickered to look at Eddie, only to find that he was being filmed. “Wha— Christ’s sake, Eddie, would you turn that thing off?” A fire rose in his cheeks, coloring them a vibrant red. He quickly turned his head away, but was unable to avoid the camera’s watching eye. Damn it. He hated being recorded; Eddie knew that. “Or, I’unno… turn it somewhere else, at least?”

As the car reached the edge of the parking lot, Alfie applied the brakes and looked back at Eddie, the blush still prominent on his face. “And buckle,” he scolded — albeit playfully — with raised eyebrows. “Seriously, are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“Die, probably,” Eddie deadpanned. If he were to make an effort, his car could likely hold whatever necessities he needed it to. Alfie probably knew that, too. However, if he went that route, he wouldn’t be able to spend his time being a nuisance in the passenger’s seat. He much preferred reclining and filming to focusing on the road. A miracle happened the day he got his license, that much was certain.

Alfie’s reaction to being caught on candid camera inspired an impish grin from Eddie. He noticed the change of color in his cheeks—so did his heart, actually. It drummed desperately within his chest, as if also begging Eddie to rethink staring at Alfie for so long. Unfortunately, he rarely listened to what either of them had to say. “I can’t believe you hate art so much that you’d deprive me of my muse,” he said.

Eddie rolled his eyes, also playfully, when Alfie scolded him. “Not today,” he answered before he quickly switched his camera off and buckled in like he was told.

Deprived of his main source of entertainment, Eddie resorted to turning on the radio. Like everything else in Alfie’s car, the display refused to work properly. What should have been words and numbers looked more like hieroglyphs. Eddie briefly toggled through stations before a familiar tune (‘Hold On’ by Wilson Phillips) caused him to turn the radio off with evident disdain. 

A strange sensation tugged behind Alfie's navel at the suggestion that Eddie would die without him. It wasn't true, of course. With any luck, Eddie would go on fine without him; he had to. Still, the thought made him feel… guilty? Alfie's time in this life was growing increasingly limited. He couldn't afford to think about it now. It would only make the time he did have left with Eddie less worthwhile, for fear of causing him any grief. 

"Your muse?" Alfie nearly cooed. "Please—" his voice cracked. "I have complete faith that you'll find something better." Once again unable to make eye-contact with Eddie today, Alfie shook his head with a breathy chuckle and rolled his eyes. His attention was back on the road and as the seat belt beside him clicked into place, assuring Eddie's safety, Alfie merged onto the street to begin their journey.

It didn't take long for Eddie to begin fidgeting. He knew well enough by now that finding a suitable radio station in the station wagon was unlikely. Alfie wouldn't complain about the music as long as it kept the camera off him. But when Eddie abruptly cut the radio off, he successfully piqued Alfie's curiosity. 

"What was that about?" he asked, an impish grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, and his eyes darting between Eddie and the road. "You trying to tell me you hate Wilson Phillips or something? And you were just getting onto me about hating art," Alfie teased.

Alfie’s insistence that Eddie would eventually move on to something better almost made him laugh. For years, his thoughts revolved around his reclusive neighbor and not much else. Alfie and Youtube; that’s what filled his days since he moved downtown. “No, I won’t,” he gently corrected him. “Besides, I don’t want to.” It didn’t worry him to voice his genuine fondness for Alfie, not when they had years of friendship behind them. At this point, it would’ve been more alarming if he didn’t love the guy enough to negate his self-deprecation.

“Wilson Phillips is not art.” Eddie emphatically pointed a finger at Alfie. “Not that song, at least. ‘Hold On’ is trite and cheap. And, all it does is make me think about the time I spent in group therapy as a teenager when our counselor insisted on performing an acoustic version at the end of every single session. Every session, Alfie,” he looked at his chauffeur with bewildered eyes. “She even made eye contact with us while she sang—who does that? I never felt like I could look away, not when she was tearfully pleading with me to break free from the chains. It was torture. Wilson Phillips is torture, not art.”

Alfie didn't want to argue about how quickly Eddie would (or wouldn't) move on. No matter how much Eddie didn't want to, there would come a point that he would have no other option. Besides, Alfie playing the part of Eddie's muse was clearly a joke. Or, perhaps more accurately, a metaphor for their friendship. All that mattered was Eddie had not meant it in a literal sense. So why had he allowed himself to become so flustered over it?

"Bullshit!" squawked Alfie, who was now fully prepared to enlighten Eddie about his previous love affair with the early 90s pop scene. Before he had a chance to share however, Eddie shared his own history with the song. Alfie's jaw slackened and he shot Eddie an incredulous look. "Every session?" he parroted in disbelief. His face scrunched as he imagined what kind of hellscape that must have been. Being forced to listen to acoustic covers was bad enough, but on top of awkward eye-contact? 

"Okay, yeah… no. I see your point," Alfie softly spoke after a moment. "Who in their right mind thought she was still fit to be a counselor after the first time that happened, anyway? Like — I'unno, you'd think someone would've had to question her capability or whatever at that point." 

"Still," he continued after making a point to showcase his disapproval with a series of disdainful facial expressions. "I stand by what I said. I think there's something beautiful in wanting to turn around and say goodbye — much like how you must have felt after being subjected to that special brand of hell."

Eddie adopted a tight-lipped grin when Alfie conceded. “Every session,” he confirmed. Looking back, he couldn’t remember liking anything about group therapy. Owning up to his issues should’ve never been something that required an audience. As extroverted as Eddie could be, he kept his cards close to his chest when it came to his emotions. Alfie knew him better than anyone else and even he didn’t get the whole truth half the time.

Eddie let out a terse laugh at Alfie’s final comment. “Real cute,” he snarked playfully before his expression became more serious. “It didn’t help that I hated therapy in general. Not only did it well and truly suck to talk about my feelings, but the only reason my parents even made me go was the whole… ghost-vision deal.” Eddie emphasized his annoyance by accompanying the tail-end of his sentence with a flippant flap of his hand. “Funny, that they pegged the one thing that made me happy as the problem.” His brow raised as he pursed his lips.

“But, uh, wow—sorry about the impromptu sharetime,” Eddie said when shame began to collect in chest. “Don’t mind me complaining about therapy while simultaneously making you my therapist.” He hoped levity would be the cure for oversharing.

Alfie’s face lit up at Eddie’s initial response. “I’m the cutest, obviously,” he chided with a lopsided grin. He couldn’t recall any previous conversations about Eddie’s group therapy, but he was well aware of his friend’s relationship to his parents. Maybe he had mentioned it before; it was truly a testament to how solid Alfie’s active listening skills were. “Fuck your parents!” his voice trilled. “Seriously — when have they ever cared about your happiness?” His commiseration was probably unnecessary; Eddie didn’t need another reminder that his family were awful. “Sorry… too far,” he added with a small frown. 

With a clear road ahead, Alfie lifted a hand from the steering wheel and maneuvered it around to rest on Eddie’s shoulder. “Hey, man, don’t sweat it — really. I will gladly take an impromptu sharetime over an awkwardly silent drive to our inevitable doom.” His gaze shifted to Eddie as he gave him an apologetic smile, allowing his hand to linger a bit longer than was probably acceptable. “Besides,” Alfie added, gently squeezing Eddie’s shoulder before returning his hand to the wheel, “that’s what friends are for, right?” 

It wasn’t often that Alfie referred to them as “friends”. The word was scattered few and far between, but that didn’t make it any less true. “From now on, that song is banned. We don’t talk about it. We don’t listen to it. It’s purged from our lives. What song? Wilson Phillips, who? Never heard of ‘em!” Alfie tilted his head in Eddie’s direction and peered at him expectantly, waiting for some sort of positive reaction to ensure he’d sufficed at making his friend feel better. 

Eddie glanced at Alfie in surprised amusement after his initial outburst. “You’re right and you should say it,” he encouraged in a light-hearted tone that didn’t fit the topic. If he didn’t try to lessen the weight of the conversation, he might have to admit to how much it hurt to discuss. He couldn’t risk letting Alfie know the extent of his damage. 

When Alfie’s hand landed on his shoulder, Eddie felt a lump form in his throat. Usually, he initiated whatever physical contact they shared. He didn’t know how to react to being on the receiving end. Alfie’s mention of ‘inevitable doom’ managed to ease his uncertainty. Eddie replied with a soft huff of laughter, his eyes shining with fondness.

Soon enough, Alfie deprived Eddie of his hand, but didn’t give him much time to be upset about it. He called them friends. “Oh, is that what we are?” Eddie asked with a teasing grin. “Could’ve sworn our relationship was more like whatever Bugs and Elmer had going on.” His expression softened, though his grin remained throughout Alfie’s condemnation of Wilson Phillips.

“You’re…. You’re a really good guy, Alfie,” Eddie said. “Thanks for humoring me tonight.”

It didn’t seem appropriate to continue down the path of shit-talking Eddie’s parents, no matter how much they deserved it. Eddie didn’t enlist Alfie on this adventure just to talk about all of his woes. If he was going to do this, then goddamn it, he was going to make the best out of it. Eddie deserved that much. “‘Course we’re friends,” Alfie returned with a playful sneer. “Though, I think you’re way off base with that one. If anything, we’re more like Bugs and Daffy.” His eyes focused on the road, but his mind was lost in thought. “Actually—” Alfie corrected, “come to think of it, that’s really fuckin’ accurate. Just, y’know, don’t ask me who’s who.”

In an instant, Alfie’s eyes were back on Eddie. Immense guilt crept over him for trying to turn down the invitation in the first place. It was glaringly obvious that Eddie was trying to involve him in his life; something Alfie tried to avoid with just about everyone who did. His heart ached. He didn’t want to refuse Eddie, truly. There just happened to be parts of his life that were better off private. But it wouldn’t kill him to hang out with the guy more every now and then. Well, given Eddie’s track record, it very well could. But it would be worth it… RIght?

“Listen, Ed… I know I’m a pain in the ass. It’s not — I don’t do things like this, y’know? I stay at home like the grumpy hermit crab that I am and that’s how I like it.” Apologies were never Alfie’s strong suit. It was rare that the words “I’m sorry” ever made it out of his mouth. “But I’m already pretty glad I came with you.” Once again, he was dancing the conversation dangerously close to heavy. Alfie mentally berated himself; he needed to keep things light. “But if we make it out alive, you do still owe me those Baby Ruths,” he teased, lightly nudging Eddie’s arm with his own.

[yioh]

Hi! Do you have a reclist of the queer films/dramas you like and would recommend to people? Because I found about “Cherry Magic” through your blog and I’m interested watching “Joan’s Galaxy” (although I’m not sure if that’s a episode to a drama series or a full series itself?)

My fav movies are The Handmaiden and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. I also really enjoyed Carol but I’m just trying to expand my palate, you know? Anyway thank you for this blog! I’m glad to have found a few more shows to check out!

ooooo hi hiiii, im so glad u enjoyed them !!

im pretty sure i have a recc list somewhere which is prob way better but a few i rly rly enjoyed are

where your eyes linger - a short korean webseries set in highschool that has a total runtime of 80 mins (u can watch it as a movie on viki) its literally a masterpiece with solid writing and a neat end! at first glance it would sound cheesy but the characters and story are written with such care and intricacy its beautiful... this ones mlm ! genre: slice of life, romance, drama

what did you eat yesterday - a jdrama about a middle aged established gay couple in japan where one is a lawyer who likes to cook and the other is a hairdresser who likes to eat, its so wholesome and soothing and beautiful i love it so much .. its also mlm ! genre: slice of life

the untamed - ok this one isn't like the others because its a 50 episode cdrama (which also means explicit romance is censored but honestly it didnt make it less obvious dkdhsksj) but pls don't let this intimidate you because its the most epic beautiful heart rending story ive ever seen, u will laugh so hard and break into tears and experience the entire emotional spectrum.... its also mlm and the genres are historical fantasy/wuxia !

legend of yunqian - this is a 15 episode mini series about a girl who travels back in time and sees a pretty lady and falls head first in love fkgkfjd its short and cute and funny ( but also its so much more than that once u get into it 👀), genres are the same as the untamed: historical fantasy/wuxia, romance

sf8: joan's galaxy - sf8 is a series where each episode consists of an individual story and joan's galaxy is the 3rd episode of it! the plot it pretty complicated to explain in short but its about how in the future, due to increased levels of fine dust, a vaccine that will increase ur life expectancy is given to those who can afford it. people with the vaccine are called C and without are called N. yioh believed she was a C her whole life but found out she never actually got the vaccine. she meets joan, the only other N in her college and its .... its magical. u have probably seen me promote this episode special like crazy and thats because its literally perfection and everyone needs to watch it at least once in their lives tbh, also the romance is not 'explicit' as in they don't say the words i love you, but in this specific context i don't think its actually needed .. also its wlw and genres are sci-fi

moonlit winter - this is a korean movie about a lady and her daughter. the daughter finds a letter written by her mothers old friend who now lives in japan. the daughter takes her mum to japan on a holiday and they end up at the place where her mothers old friend lives. this one is quiet, a little sad and nostalgic and it has the most beautiful shots and cinematography, it will leave u feeling cozy and sad ... wlw and genre: slice of life, drama