#anyway lots of amazing stuff in this episode on MANY fronts

[destinationtoast]

holy fuck. finally watched the episode. holy fuck. they are all menaces. Brett Goldstein is a particular menace for writing this one.

[mellowquint]

Fanbinding Masters of Mayhem - a Ninjago and Lego Monkie kid crossover!!!

FINALLY after weeks of putting the project on the shelf i finally have the (motivation) free time to complete this amazing bookbind!!! Shoutout to my best friend who came to me and ask if i could bind it. So what better birthday gift than to bind her current favourite crossover story? At the time of this post i have not given the gift to her yet so fingers crossed that she likes this 🤞😖

Thank you FictionForLife_NZ for creating this absolute hilarious masterpiece!! I have been wanting to read an LMK crossover fic for the longest time and low and behold, the ao3 algorithm has answered my prayers lol. Me and best friend really love the character interaction that the Ninja’s have with the LMK crew 😂. Also the shipping!! Best friend absolutely LOVES dragonfruit but was sad that they didn’t have as much of a fandom dedication as opposed to spicynoodles. So imagine her suprised (and scream) that dragonfruit is the main pairing in the story and their many iconic moments together!! Also the climax truly had me at the edge of my seat!! And that ending?? Gosh couldn’t have asked it better myself Ninjago writers really should take notes ✍️!!! Anyways enough rambling here’s the fic if you would like to give a read, absolute 10/10

Flip through

Some close ups

also yes excuse me and my terrible phone and room lighting it did not do this book justice.

Unfortunately I couldn’t find any fanart that was related/tagged so there was no illustrations for the book. However thats when i had the idea of making the chapter title in the same font as the Ninjago font! To make it seem like every new chapter is an episode!

Also unfortunately couldn’t tag the author since i can’t find their tumblr. If any of you know if said author does have tumblr please let me know!

If you’re all curious on how i make this, i recommend going to the first bookbinding project that i did, its all the same process except with some new improvements that im gonna talk about under the cut

I definitely learned a lot from my mistakes from the last time that i did this, and of course gain new mistakes as well 🥲.

The edges aren’t trimmed

The cover isn’t aligned

The printing for the covers are garbage

Book would not lay flat, instead forever stuck at a weird 120 degree angle

Overall a lot of stuff

This was a given by the fact that i have no experience and was impatient. But since this is a gift for Best Friend ofc this has to actually look good, so here are the improvements that i made

Signature printing— i will admit it took some time and effort but after the old cannon printer finally died permanently jammed, managed to convince parents to buy a more advanced and better printer that can now do double sided printing!! No more wasted signatures from here on out 😮‍💨

Cover printing — not wanting a repeat of the last time that i did it i went to my local Officeworks to get it printed by them. Here i discovered the beauty that is known as ✨Poster Prints✨. Now all of my yellow lines and elements actually do show an pop against the darker background!! Unfortunately this does have a drawback because the prints are sensitive to any type of scratching. Not the scratch and all the colors come off way, more like the scratch it and lines will show up kind of way as you can really see in the front cover :') . Will work on improving this is future projects.

Trimming the edges — originally in book one i trimmed the edges using your typical box cutter and cut it myself. Bad BAD idea i was doomed at that moment. So imagine my surprise the Officeworks ALSO do CUTTING service!!! My jaw dropped and i immediately went back the next day with my text block and asked them if they could trim all edges. After some inspection they put it through the guillotine and all of my edges are perfectly trimmed. Saved me all the time, money, and storage.

Laying book flat — this was definitely the biggest pet peeve that I have with my first book. The way i do it now is i now put a one cm gap between the front cover, side cover and back cover. And also using the right paper (cardstock) to connect the text block with the covers. Now the book can actually fully open!!!

Cover alignment — I printed out the front and back in regular paper and use that as a template on where i wanna fold the prints to find the cover. Worked like a charm

once again shoutout to best friend for giving me the brilliant idea when making the covers!! had it not been for her to point out about clause's book of spells i would have never made the coolest cover page that I've made in my entire binding experience!! all in all im pretty dang proud of myself for being able to improve on my bookbinding skill.

[invisiblegarters]

The Trainee Final Thoughts

I sat here for a long time waffling over what I wanted to say about this show because there were things it did so right and I adored it for that. But the things it did wrong really bothered me, and the last two episodes highlighted it in ways that I couldn't ignore.

First of all, the great. I loved the work atmosphere - it felt like places I've worked myself at times, for better and worse. And yes, I'm including the workplace relationships in that. People who think that this was a lot amuse me because I've worked in places where so much more happened on the regular, to the point that it's a wonder any work was getting done. I also really appreciated the little insights into how the industry works from that side of things - a lot of it was stuff I already knew or suspected but it was nice to see it clarified. Ryan's after work bits were always fun.

I also loved the relationships between all the interns - yes, even Ba Mhee and Tae. I have steadily maintained since I started watching that their relationship was believable to me, both the way it broke down and the way that it started up again. And I loved the friendships and the way that the interns grew up as they went along. They all learned things about themselves and became more confident in their abilities and who they wanted to be, and they did it in ways that felt realistic - stumbling a little because that's what we all do, but coming out of each new problem a little smarter and a little more able to handle the next. I also really liked that it wasn't just the interns who were growing - everyone was, a little. Because the honest truth is you don't stop learning just because you're out of school and in the real world, and you don't stop making mistakes, either.

Jane. Jane was amazing almost all the way through. I have never liked Off so much as I did in this role. The way he played Jane spoke to me so much to me - the mix of assuredness in his job but dissatisfaction with the same, the way you could tell even before he said anything that his life had hit a bit of a rut and he had no clue what to do about it. I think in that way Ryan breathed some fresh air into him - dude had no clue what he wanted to do or why but his contentedness to be where he was just helping I think helped Jane see how very not content he actually was. In reassuring Ryan that it was okay to just want to get by doing your day to day (a lesson that I think that many people need to take to heart), he realized that he did not want to do that anymore. I loved the second to last episode for what it did for Jane - how it showcased exactly how long he'd been struggling and pushing it back, seeing someone else be put in front of him and seeing how he thrived. The way his own timidity and need to please shot him in the foot. And how it came to bite him again years later. Great stuff.

The not so great, though...

I am not one who cares much about the romance in this show, but I still wanted more than we got. While I appreciated how realistic the Tae and Ba Mhee relationship was, I did not like Judy being used as a facilitator for a breakup that was coming anyway. I called the way Ba Mhee's admiration of Judy would break down, but the way it happened felt ham fisted. There was no need for that. And while I appreciated that the show did showcase both Ba Mhee and Tae working to communicate better and make changes in their relationship, it still did not feel to me like one that would stick. Apparently I was wrong about that, but it did detract from the show a bit for me.

As for Jane and Ryan, they were cute but I was annoyed by Jane disappearing for five years with no word and then coming back expecting to pick up where they left off, and Ryan just being like "sure." That is not romantic to me in the least. While they had their cute moments (the SHOES. Jane clencing down on things so he wouldn't grab Ryan instead! The cute little dinner scene where they started dating right before Jane took off) I just felt that going back to the relationship (after five years of no contact come ON what even) like they'd never parted was a regression.

I was also very frustrated with Ryan as a character. He had some growth and I appreciate that, but I wanted more out of him. There were some shades of that in the final episode - he seems like a competent creative director - but then it seemed to walk it back the second that Jane appeared again, and I really hated that, although I was pleased to see him being sassy in the last Ryan after work segment. In general though, his utter passivity with Jane - the way he kept turning into this wide eyed ingenue whenever he had to interact with him - annoyed me.

I feel like Ryan began as an observer in his own show - and his own life - and then instead of growing to be less so, he ended it that way, too. And maybe that was the point - it does tie into the theme of accepting doing what you can and not having to be the best or be the stand out to be not only satisfied but happy in life (a plain porridge with side dishes, if you will) - but it didn't work for me personally and thus, lowered my enjoyment of the show overall.

Final Rating: 7/10. I loved the journey but unfortunately I'm an ending person and one that doesn't work for me can really break a show in my eyes. While this show wasn't broken, exactly, it definitely wound up being far less than I was hoping for. Too bad; I really thought it'd be a favorite this year.

[tales-of-a-wallflower-swiftie]

crucify me daddy (or how I learned to stop giving a shit about celebrities relationships and focus on the nu cold war) *insert edgy title here by Fall Out Boy* - a rant with love

So TTPD has finally graced us with it's presence and it's an amazing album. It's a mix of Folklore + Speak Now + Reputation + Midnights in one bundle. Will have to give it a few more listens before I can decide my personal favorites but Clara Bow has been stuck in my head quite a lot.

Now... elephant in the room. I am a fan of The 1975 but I am not a Matty Healy apologist by any means. Do I think he's a racist, fuck no! If so, why are pretty much all of The 1975's work r'n'b based and has a black influence and collaborations with ethnic artists. He's not dancing in a KKK outfit or anything or wearing blackface or beating up a Pakistani kid or . Why are the many artists he's supported over the years people of color or *coughs* ASIAN! FOR FUCKS SAKE HIS LAST GIRLFRIEND IS BLACK AND WAS A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC ABUSE TO WHICH HE SUPPORTED AND STOOD UP FOR EVEN GIVEN HIS SICKENING PORN TASTE!

Do I think he's a twat and an idiot who sticks his foot firmly in his mouth a lot and says and does a lot without thinking, YES! The whole Love It If We Made It incident which started the entire Matty hate mob was an honest ill thought mistake. He shouldn't have shared his own song during his BLM post, I agree. It was fairly cringe for him to kiss the gay fan and put a target on that fans back but his heart was in the right place in calling out the bullshit in the eastern areas against stuff like this.

Cum Town helped Matty through his rehab and in return he was invited as a guest to which he joined in on some edgy jokes about Ice Spice and shared his porn taste of the hardcore variety like most men watch. The episode was out for many months prior to the news of them getting together however the psycho swifties wanted any ammunition to cause a fandom jihad.

So to no one's surprise, I was expecting at least a few Matty mentions. Boy was I in for a treat. Peter, But Daddy I Love Him, The Tortured Poets Department among others.

But kudos to Taylor for actually sticking up for herself and Matty during But Daddy I Love Him. I loved Taylor before but I completely adore her for having the guts to say to those parasocial dicks who thinks everything is a coded message or an easter egg, enough is fucking enough

"I'll tell you something right now I'd rather burn my whole life down Than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' and moanin' I'll tell you something 'bout my good name It's mine alone to disgrace I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing"

It sickens me to see some of Swifties wish death, rape, bus crashes, , overdoses on Matty and his family. She chose to be with him, she wasn't shotgun wedding or married off to him and fuck me, imagine genuinely liking someone once you get to know them and not look at the edgy stuff they said online... crazy am i right?

Look what happened to Mac Miller, Ari's fans launched a crusade against him and he ended up doing himself in because of it

You know we're going to be nuked soon anyway... china, russia, israel or even if Trump gets re-elected. Mexico is over run with videos of people getting their faces cut off and Logan, Jake and KSI sell poison to kids and have yet to be assassinated. Life's too short to care about the relationship of two celebrities. Go touch grass, go milk a horse blindfolded, go kick a hornets nest, go burn yourself alive in front of Trump tower. Be a decent human being stop fixating on relationships of the stars

#staygay

[theotherpages]

Cerulea and the Meaning of Everything

Episode 3: Haywire

I HATE when people use the phrase ‘the new normal,’ because it usually means that things are going to suck even more than they did before, or if they didn’t suck before, they will now, it’s the new normal (translated: you’re screwed – get over it). I understand that a lot better than I used to. As in, things used to be going along just fine, until they weren't. That’s the story of my life now.

Two years ago, we were a nice, happy, busy, nuclear family. Mom, Pop, me, and my two brothers. They were good parents. Daria and Will Durning. Doing, in my not-so-humble opinion, a much better than average job of raising three very active teenage children. They taught us to be strong willed and independent, curious and adventurous, honest and forthright. All the good stuff. And we had a great childhood, or at least I did. We talked about everything, went places together, did things together.

Until, one day in my sophomore year, bam. Just like that, they were gone, and it was only the three of us, my brothers and me, staring at each other, wondering what we were supposed to do next. Trying to comprehend what the new normal was, and wondering, is there an app for that? Nope. Just the realization that, as new normals go, grief really sucks.

No one could tell us what happened. It was during the third pandemic. Not the first one. Or the second one. The third one. The one with so many variants they sounded like the Greek letters from a really bad hurricane season. The one that made everyone sicker than a dog, then made all the dogs sicker than the people. The one that had everyone . . . well, you know. Spewing a lot bilaterally. The gross one.

Anyway, our parents had gone to West Africa, somewhere in the Sahel to cover some important news story just before all hell broke loose around the world again, and they couldn’t make it back. We got a garbled Whuzzup message that they were going to be delayed, and then . . . Nothing. Not for days, then for weeks, then for . . . ever.

Mom was a journalist and Dad was a photographer, although he co-wrote articles with Mom sometimes. It’s amazing how easily I can say ‘was’ now. It wasn’t easy to do that. Not for a long time. More than a year. I guess it still isn’t all that easy.

They’d worked together since before any of us were born. Traveled the world many times over. Knew how to take care of themselves. Interviewed famous people. Reported from the front lines in war zones. Gotten the scoop on important events. Been published in most of the top-tier news outlets. They weren’t rich or famous, but their work was well known in the news business.

Eventually, with one, then two, then three of us to take care of, life got more domestic. They stayed closer to home and worked on more modest projects. Places you could get back from in a day or less to our home in South Florida. But when my younger brother turned thirteen, and with Aunt Rachel close-by to check in on us (she’s found family, not an actual aunt by blood), they jumped at the chance to work together on something really big again.

They were so hyped. They practically radiated excitement. Mom lined up appointments and interviews and sketched out storylines. Dad figured out all the travel, and what cameras and recorders to pack, and how they were going to make border crossings. And off they went, planning on getting their story and coming back in two or three weeks.

But things in Africa got bad quicker than anyone expected as the pandemic virus surged out of control, and they couldn’t get a flight back, and ports and borders closed, and then something happened. Something sudden and unexpected. As if they dropped off the face of the earth. Rachel and her boyfriend came over to talk to us, and there were phone calls from the wire service they were working for, but because of the lockdown, that was it. They were gone. No explanations. No answers. Nadas.

You might think this sounds crazy, or whatever your favorite word is for something that seems a mile or two short of believable, and I won’t say that we didn’t think that ourselves, but bam. There it was. Like the start of some fucking Disney movie where you need the parents out of the way to make the story interesting.

Actually, I’m pretty sure that Disney was a sadist, getting his kicks (and raking in major coin) from subjecting small fictional children to trauma, and making small actual children watch it. Just add in a few quirky musical numbers to make emotional torture seem legit, and some hidden adult humor to entertain the parents.

And no, this is not a story about how we go on a magical quest and eventually learn that Mom and Dad are still around, they just need us to rescue them from the zombies, some whack government agency run amok, an African warlord, an evil wizard, or aliens, and then we can all come home and be one big happy family again. Nope. Not even close. It’s not that kind of a movie. I wish it was. I really fucking wish it was.

I mentioned that Rachel was found family. She was actually a copy editor at one of the publishers that syndicates our parents’ work. That’s how they met, once upon a time. She’s been around longer than I can remember. Retired now, but a good go-to person for information. Not very useful for physical or practical needs, but she’s well-meaning enough.

Speaking of the practical things: Our money situation was OK. They had set up some insurance thing a long time ago – back when their lives were dangerous on a regular basis – that paid for the basics and set aside some extra money for college. There was also money for their burial, but no one to bury. We kept that as an emergency fund for medical expenses or bail or whatever.

Their lawyer, who I guess is now our lawyer, explained their will, and that everything was split evenly between us. The house, two cars, the bank accounts, etc. It’s surprising how much of living depends on having at least some money. Mari was just old enough to be the executor and be named guardian for me and Ant, so the word foster never came up.

By the way, Nameless Guy did have a name, or at least there was one on his driver’s license. Funny – all that blood, and the disarmed body – but not one word about it in the news the next day, or the next, or . . . ever. It was two weeks before I let myself go down that street again. The bloody curb was repainted and is now a Goober meet-up spot for downtown rideshares. Interesting. He was thug for hire, best I can tell. Like an NPC in a video game, or one of those Star Trek guys in the red shirts that kept getting zapped all the time. Or maybe one of the evil villain’s henchmen in those old James Bond flicks.

Life without our parents was kind of depressing. And boring sometimes, though we are better than most people at keeping ourselves occupied – I’ll explain that later. And then, of course, there were the riddles. The three they gave us (gifted us), and the other one – the one that we found, or maybe, the one that found us. The one that almost led to a dead Binnie and a dead Cerulea. I hope the almost-dead thing doesn’t become the new normal, or worse yet, the dead thing. Hell.

------------------------

In fiction, there's a story arc. Foreshadowing, big events, and then the aftermath. In real life, crap just happens.

This is Episode 3 of Cerulea and the Meaning of Everything, my current Serial on Kindle Vella. The first three episodes are free, and if you’ve never read a Vella story before, you may get enough tokens to read the full story for free.

https://www.amazon.com/Cerulea-Meaning.../dp/B0CM33WLJF/

More episodes coming soon.

--Steve

[1d1195]

Sam my love I am so glad you’re at a slightly better point! It sucks that you haven’t been feeling well :( I know it’s not easy to just “relax or calm down” but really I am glad that you did take some time for yourself! PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO! Don’t feel bad about not posting any new writing too! Honestly if you decided to not post anymore for whatever reason, it’s okay because you're still a person behind the screen. As long as YOU are okay or trying to get there, that is enough! You're never being dramatic, you know your body and feelings! 

Ive had such a busy weekend and I started my summer courses today(monday) which is why i haven't been on here as much :( Weekend was busy since I went thrifting and got some new skirts which I am excited about! And I went to a vintage car show! I love looking at older cars but I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! I just like the vibes lol 

I also have not finished the bear yet, I'm only 4 episodes in 😭 and girl don’t get me started on how i think about the whole claire or sydney thing because I feel like I can make a whole ass dissertation on the bear HAHA especially with this new season I have MANY thoughts lol But I do agree that the first episode was an interesting watch. I think that it was an attempt to give some more backstory especially with Carmy’s training but I think that the transitions from past/present were hard to follow. But the changes were very stuble so it can easily be missed. The way I knew was by looking at his hair?? Idk maybe im reaching lol  Oh I would cry too! I didn’t grow up with so much yelling and I hate confrontation so it would not be a good environment for me lol I'm also a perfectionist so I simply would die :)! Anyways I'm hoping to have more time during this week to finish it! 

How was your weekend? Hows’ the week starting out?!

Sam you're literally the SWEETEST how would I not be nice to you😭?! I love you!!!-💜

I didn't realize you were taking summer courses! I thought you were free! I feel like we discussed that you were and like a goldfish, I forgot immediately 🤦‍♀️ (it's slowly coming back, you're making up for some lost time perhaps?) How long are the classes and are you excited about them? I actually loved my summer math classes in grad school (maybe more than my regular season classes). They were like 👌 the right amount of time and the right amount of work.

New skirts! Are they long skirts or short skirts? Any fun patterns? I also know NOTHING about cars. I would rather walk. The vintage car shows are cool though! (Sounds like another great story meet cute to use 👀)

I just finished ep 5. I think as a whole the season is weird but I'm still invested. I like it a lot. I feel like Sydney doesn't want to part own it. I'm thinking she's seeing Carmy spiraling and she's like "Maybe I don't want to tie myself into him (and the restaurant)" Idk just my prediction. OBSESSED WITH THE FAKS. "How many Faks are coming?" "At least two, less than five." Literally amazing. I think Carmy's obsession is also a little too much this season. Maybe that's the point (obvi, his non-negotiables are/were a lot). Him wanting a new menu every night is a lot for me. I'm stressing about it. I feel like I've mentioned but my bf is pretty into cooking and he thinks Carmy is modeled after Marco Pierre White (I forget his reasoning; even though it's been said The Bear is not based off a real person) but if my bf IS right, it doesn't bode well for Carmy :/ I'm obsessed with the character arcs of some of these characters. Richie and Tina for example. TINA omg I could have killed her at the beginning. What a queen. I'm trying to be vague and also not spoil anything so hopefully I didn't. But I apologize if I did.

Totally agree with you on the perfectionist front. It's rough out there. I would sob into my purees lol

Omg I don't even remember the weekend. I think it was relaxing lol I was so nervous about school stuff. Because of the 4th I'm done with the first week of school so I'm feeling much better now. Mother Nature made her appearance as well and I shouldn't have been surprised since I mentioned last week I wanted to jump into traffic which is a good signal. But anyway, I'm thriving now. Need to do some chores and I'm writing something hopefully to post for tomorrow! I want to read and go for walks as well!

Hope your classes are good, your week is good, and you're enjoying the rest of The Bear LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo

[1kook]

kissanime & foreplay

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings; mentions of hentai yes u read right, kook leads most of it, cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc; more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 wc; 8.2k

notes; back when kissanime was offed I remember looking at this fic in the drafts like what the hell we gone do now.. n almost deleting it but I was like yknow what this isn’t a 1kook fic unless there’s smthn weird going on so here we are. also yes I know ohshc is on Netflix shut up!!!!! 

HAPPY BDAY MY LOVE AND MUSE JEON JUNGKOOK !!!! 🥺💜

—

The good thing about getting your own apartment is that you finally have a place to call your own. There’s no limit on how many potted plants you can squeeze into a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, and if there was one, you’re twelve in and no one has said anything to you yet. You don’t have to share the shower space with anyone, label all your products with a hastily scribbled name. There’s a bathtub—something you haven’t had the pleasure of using during college—and a fairly open living space. There’s so many empty spots to fill with useless decorations and family heirlooms and that ugly plastic rooster Jungkook won you at the summer kick-off fair last month.

The bad thing about having your own place is that the entire world and their mothers seem to know now. Despite graduating from college, you still keep in touch with your trusted graduate mentor Kim Namjoon, who is still very much in school, and has made it his mission to bring you a new plant every week, hence your growing collection. Your childhood friend comes over every Saturday morning to lounge around after her Friday nights out. Jungkook, although the only one who is ever actually invited, runs through your strawberry scented body wash like a madman.

And of course, Doyeon.

Your beloved college roommate of four years, Kim Doyeon, has been the bane of your apartment experience so far. Unlike you, who had slaved away for four years, saving every penny you made during college for this moment, Doyeon was a big spender. She blew every dollar she ever came across, which is why she’s going to be stuck living at her parent’s house for at least a couple more years.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, if she wasn’t the most maniac online shopper in existence. It hadn’t been a problem in college because she was always good old pals with the students who worked the mailroom. If they saw something questionable, they’d let it slide as long as it was under Miss Kim Doyeon, Room 229.

The reason it became an issue for her now is because it’s poor Mrs. Kim who signs over the package from Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! one Tuesday afternoon as it is delivered to their suburban home.

So now she’s taken to ordering all her freaky stuff to your new apartment, where the small cabinet by the door has quickly become home to her impulsive shopping habits. Truthfully, you don’t mind accepting Doyeon’s weird packages, and have long since grown used to the uncomfortable looks the mail carrier gives you.

Jungkook’s supposed to come over today and you really hope he doesn’t ask about the state of your hall cabinet. Now that you work at a small company outside of your degree to make ends meet, time with Jungkook has been significantly decreased. You weren’t in college anymore, so you didn’t have the luxury of dropping by his house whenever you wanted to in between classes. Of course, it’s mostly your schedule that conflicts with your planned hangouts, because Jungkook is still working his dream job from home.

However, because Jungkook is quite possibly the most amazing person on this planet, he’s started coming over every Saturday night to make sure you’re still alive and not dying. And so weekly media binges are a thing, and it’s currently week four.

He gave up on showing you the Marvel movie franchise last week, after you had asked where Wonder Woman was three times in a row. Since the Barbie Movie Debacle of last month, you’ve found a nice medium between who picks when. Jungkook picks most of the time, because most of the time you don’t really care. It’s become a running joke between the two of you that movie binges are usually just terribly masked excuses to go to town on each other, so you don’t mind missing an entire 15th Century French Revolution documentary if it means Jungkook is deep in your guts by the time King Louis XIV gets beheaded or whatever they did to him. Is it too obvious you didn’t watch the documentary?

Occasionally, there are instances where one of you genuinely does want to watch something, in which case you have an intense match of rock-paper-scissors to decide who’s picking that night. Most of the time, Jungkook wins. But for every match Jungkook wins, he promises you’ll pick the next one so you’ve long since stopped trying to actually beat him.

Long story short, last weekend you sat through a two part Ancient Aliens episode on the connection between aliens and American presidents.

It was the most god-awful conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of, but Jungkook ate up every minute of it. By the time the two hosts announced their conclusion you were just about ready to rip your own ears off and single-handedly fist fight every producer on the channel for allowing the production of such an atrocious show.

Anyway, because you had so bravely sat through the entire evening without complaints— well, no complaints towards Jungkook’s terrible taste; the show, however, was not safe from your wicked tongue —Jungkook has so graciously allowed you to pick the media for this weekend.

You’ve been telling him for the longest time that you were going to hook him on anime. It was one of the few interests you always believed Jungkook should possess, being a weeb and all, because it was only fair that he had one questionable trait to balance out the rest of his perfection. Liking anime isn’t bad— if a hottie like you enjoyed it, then it obviously had its perks. However, you know a lot of other people are turned off by anime-enthusiasts due to preconceived notions of the genre and the viewer-base.

Now, it was a widely known fact that you always had ulterior motives. So maybe turning Jungkook into a weeb was just a ploy to turn other women off from him and keep your jealousy at bay. Sue you, your boyfriend was a walking wet dream, and you’d do anything to keep him to yourself.

After long deliberation, you’ve decided on introducing Jungkook to anime with a classic: Ouran High School Host Club, a god among anime, a true Beyonce among shoujos. The only problem was that you absolutely refused to pay Crunchyroll or Funimation when you could so easily find the entire show on KissAnime.com, home to only the finest of hentai ads and Are You a Robot? questions.

He sends you a text when he’s outside your building, and five minutes later there’s a rap against your door.

“Hi,” you smile up at him, heart fluttering in that same trademark way it did whenever Jungkook was within a five foot radius. He smiles back softly, leaning down to peck your lips as you step aside for him to enter. He’s got on those cotton sweats that you love, the ones that send your brain into a censored frenzy. But he’s also got that soft curl to his hair that lets you know he came here straight out of the shower in his hurry to see you. How you managed to bag a dream boyfriend like him was beyond you.

You bask in the overwhelming feeling of unannounced love for all of ten seconds before Jungkook is lifting up a square package you hadn’t seen at his hip. “Mailman gave me this,” he says, waving around the signature bright pink packaging of Sexuality Unleashed. Jungkook, for all his politeness and respect, seemed to falter in those categories when it came to you. He turns the box over, reading the big fat name of the company on the side. “Since when did you start buying sex toys?” he asks rather loudly in the hallway.

You yank him inside, hurriedly slamming the door shut before any of your neighbors can come out into the hallway and get a peek of this avid sex toy consumer. “They’re not mine!” you hiss, standing still when he uses you to balance himself as he tugs off his shoes. You snatch the box out of his hands, turning it around to make sure it is actually addressed to your home. Sure enough, it’s for you. Couldn’t there have been some other sex toy fanatic on this floor?

With his shoes off, Jungkook wastes no time enveloping you in a hug, the Sexuality Unleashed box tumbling to the ground. “It’s okay, baby, no need to be embarrassed.”

You groan, leaning your forehead against his shoulder as he continues to pat your back like you’re actually embarrassed to be caught buying toys— you’re not. You’re embarrassed he caught you with a sex toy you simply can’t put to use. “Whatever,” you sigh, “your gross popcorn is in my bedroom and it’s probably stale.”

He releases you, not before pulling you into a slow and languid kiss that has you clutching tightly at the front of his shirt. He pulls away with a soft smooch, right eye falling into a wink. “Bring the box, gorgeous,” he teases, before sauntering off in the direction of your bedroom.

You groan loudly. “It’s not mine!” you repeat, but for some reason do as he says.

Not only do you have no idea what’s in this package, but you’re frankly not too keen on finding out. You’re more interested in Jungkook’s reaction to one of your favorite animes of all time. The package is tossed onto the end of the bed, where Jungkook has already stripped himself of his socks and cuddled beneath your covers.

Your laptop has gone dark from inactivity so you slam down on the space bar to bring it back to life. Your first mistake was pressing anything at all. It flickers back on alright, but you forget that you are working with a minefield of ads ready to explode. You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans.

“What the hell is this?” he asks in a tone that screams he has never had to fight viruses off his computer just to watch something at two in the morning.

You ignore him, cuddling into his side as you hurriedly type in the title of the anime before another annoying ad can intercept you. “KissAnime,” you answer for now, accidentally clicking down on the mousepad with the heel of your palm. Another tab opens up to some sketchy credit site. You huff.

“Baby, I swear I just saw like twelve viruses,” he says. “And what even are these?” he scoffs, jabbing a finger at one of the many ads that lines the perimeter of the website. “Animated teacher porn?”

By the grace of god, you somehow manage to get onto the episode selection screen without having another tab open on you. You smile in relief, turning the power of your excitement onto Jungkook… only to find his eyes narrowed in on the square advertisement for some hentai website. “What? You wanna watch hentai now?” you snort, placing the laptop on his legs as you cuddle into his side.

Jungkook sputters, cheeks tinting red at the mere insinuation he would ever consume such media. “No,” he glares, releasing the arm around your shoulders to huffily cross them over his chest. “I am not going to watch anatomically incorrect illustrations of a woman teacher relieving herself, ___,” he says rather matter-of-factly.

You snort, repeating, “a woman teacher,” mockingly and in a high pitched voice that, honestly, doesn't sound anything like him. You click play on the video box that appears after only about twenty more pop-up ads. “Silence, you nymphomaniac, the episode is starting.” Jungkook pulls you close with a displeased expression, finally quieting down when you put it on full screen and the ads disappear from his view.

You’re beginning to wonder if Jungkook really is the script and plot dissector he claims to be, or if he just lives to get under your skin. He doesn’t make it three minutes without finding something to critique. First it’s the quality of the frames, and then it’s the characterization of the lead character. He nitpicks everything about the best anime in existence, and by the end of the first episode you’re considering breaking up with him.

“Oh my god,” you groan, tearing yourself away from him. He’s all laid up against your mountain of pillows, tongue prodding at the insides of his mouth in that ridiculously attractive habit of his. Usually, you’d be tripping over yourself to kiss him, but you’re about two seconds from ripping his head off. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, baby,” you sigh, picking up his hand in yours. “You gotta shut up.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I have to shut up?” he asks in a scandalized tone. “You sang through the entire intro, off tune may I add.”

At this rate you’re getting nowhere, so you just snatch the laptop back up before you actually hurt his feelings. You escape the full screen, met with those hentai ads that are slowly becoming the bane of Jungkook’s existence.

“Who actually watches those anyway?” he mumbles, covering the sidebar full of naked cartoon ladies with his palm for you, a real gentleman if you ever saw one. “Really?” he says, knocking his pointer finger against a particularly raunchy ad with the caption Be a Good Boy and Let her Play beneath it.

You snort. “You are such a baby,” you tease, pinching his cheek much to his annoyance. “What? Can’t handle seeing some anime titties?”

Jungkook shoves your hand away, leaning back to become one with the pillows as you continue onto the next episode. “They’re just weird,” he admits. “And make unrealistic faces.”

“Unrealistic,” you repeat, finally giving one of the ads the time of day. There’s an adorably drawn character making the most perverted expression, knees hiked up to her chest. Her face is twisted up, drooling like a dog and with her eyes crossed in ecstasy. You shrug. “Just because you can’t get those faces out of me doesn’t mean they’re unreal.”

The second the words leave your mouth Jungkook is letting out a scandalized scoff, sitting up to level you with another glare. “First of all, I can get you like that,” he defends, tapping his finger against the ad on screen. “In fact, I can get you like that without even trying, so let’s not say anything too drastic now, okay?”

His sudden bout of defensiveness makes something playful in you switch on, laying back down beside him with a smirk. “Oh, you can make me all stupid like this?”

Jungkook scoffs. “Yes.”

“Uh huh,” you drawl, tracing a finger up his chest teasingly; Jungkook knocks your knuckles away, obviously still butt hurt about your comment. That’s fine, because a slightly riled up Jungkook was always the best Jungkook. You sit up and lean in close, letting your hand slip beneath his hoodie, palm running over his bare shoulder and around the top of his back. You give his nape a light squeeze, lips pressed against the shell of his ear. “Why don’t you prove it to me, Jungkookie?” you purr, before pulling away.

His jaw twitches at the nickname, one shapely brow unconsciously arching as he regards you with a calculative expression.

The thing about Jungkook was that, after almost a year of dating, you know just how to push his buttons. He has a rather calm and collected exterior to him, the same one he’s had since the day you met him, but beneath it all was a childish competitiveness that raged with the heat of ten suns. He disliked being taunted like you were doing now, especially when his credibility was at stake.

Honestly speaking, you don’t doubt Jungkook can make you look as goofy and messy as those hentai ads. In fact you’re rather confident he can. Either way, him being right or you being right, you would still get some fun out of it.

“Hm?” you add, tracing your hand up to dance over the skin of his cheek, pads of your fingers running over that stiff jaw. “Are you scared I’m right and you’re wrong?”

A hand snaps up to catch your wrist, fingers tight around your skin until you’re shivering against him. “Oh baby, I can make you cum until you cry,” he murmurs, his usual sweet and lilting tone dropping to a low vibration that makes your pussy throb beneath your panties. Your heart leaps in your chest, lips falling open when he ducks down to brush them against yours. It’s too light, just a simple touch that makes you follow his mouth when he pulls back.

With one firm shove, the laptop is tumbling off the bed, thudding loudly against your bedside rug. Jungkook leans over you, his usual trademark doe eyes zeroed in on you with the focus of a laser. “Have a little faith in me,” he teases, and when he presses close you can feel his fattening cock flush against your thigh. Your body is begging to be touched, every brush of his fingers against your skin searing trails in their wake.

Suddenly, he’s drawing back. “Kook?” you frown, barely biting down on a childish whimper when he snuggles back into your mountain of pillows, one arm stretched behind his head.

He flashes you a smile. “Go on,” he says, arms behind his head. “Show me how to get you like that.”

“By myself?” you ask, shifting onto your knees anyway. Jungkook nods, a soft jut of his chin as he gives you another one of those easy going smiles of his. His goal seems a little unclear, but you had a ridiculous amount of trust in your boyfriend that whatever he had planned was certain to be good. With one final skeptical glance his way, you sink down onto your bum, knees spreading and giving him a clear view of your little pink boy shorts, elastic band hugging your waist.

The material of your t-shirt is guided away, held to your chest by the hand currently not traversing the length of your stomach, gliding across soft skin, over your belly button and past that band until it slips beneath. You chance another look Jungkook’s way, only to find his eyes wonderfully downcast in the direction of your core. That smile is gone now, replaced with a somber look as he watches your hand move mysteriously beneath the fabric of your undergarments.

The first brush of your forefinger against your swollen button makes you twitch, back arching at the sensation that is magnified by his watchful gaze. “Mmh,” you bite down, hand twisting in the material of your shirt. Jungkook’s eyes glare a molten path across your skin, from the comfy bra that peeks out from beneath your rumpled shirt to the wrist slowly working beneath your panties.

A hand falls over your thigh, tattooed fingers giving the skin a light squeeze as you get to work swirling your bud around. The sight of his inked skin on yours makes something warm blossom in your lower abdomen, your eyes following the inky swirls up, up, up. They lead you to the face of your very handsome boyfriend, long lashes fanning across his cheekbones as he watches you play with yourself. “Wanna take these off for me?” he says, the tip of his pointer finger wiggling beneath the fabric of your shorts.

You nod hurriedly, wiggling around on the bed until you’re on your back, legs bent in front of you. The shorts come down your legs; the simplest press of your thighs makes something quiver in your abdomen. You toss them off to the side, and just as you go to sit back up, Jungkook places a hand on your knee. “Stay like this for me,” he says, sitting up from his mountain of pillows to glance down at you. You melt into the plush mattress beneath you, staring down at him between your legs. He’s got that adoring look in his eyes, the one that makes you feel so warm and in love, it’s only natural your hand slips down to play with your bare clit again. “That’s my girl,” he smiles, rubbing a hand down the outside of your thigh, urging your legs to fall open.

There’s this overflowing vat of arousal that builds up inside of you everytime Jungkook is around, like the moment your eyes land on him you’re reminded of every position he’s ever had you in. You remember the soft brush of his hands on your body, the way his lips feel on yours, the soft tickle of his hair when he gets too close. It makes your heart lurch in your chest, like if you don’t grab onto him tightly this feeling will slip through your fingers and out of your life. So you were crazily in love with your boyfriend— now what?

A puckered set of lips meets the inside of your thigh, the action ripping you from your overly gooey, overly soft inner rambling. Your hand trails down your quivering pussy lips, collecting your dripping wetness as you go. At the same time, Jungkook kisses down the inside of your thigh, soft smacks of his lips against your skin filling the air with an emotion that makes you bite down a whimper. Your hole puckers at the brush of your fingers, anticipating an entrance that you yearn to give into soon.

His mouth is on you before your finger can go deeper than a centimeter in. But Jungkook doesn’t brush your hand off, doesn’t shove you away to prove his mouth was undoubtedly better. He places a kiss over your knuckles, before swallowing up your significantly smaller hand with his, that of which he clasps together over your navel.

You groan, head rolling from side to side. “Don’t be so soft with me,” you whine, leg twitching when he presses a kiss against your engorged bundle of nerves. “Push me around like that one time, you know I like it.”

Jungkook grins, mouthing over your clit with practiced ease that has you releasing all kinds of whimpers and sighs. He’s got his other hand wrapped around your thigh, strong arm pulling you closer to that devious mouth and tongue that lavished attention on your clit. “Need me to be mean to you, baby?” he purrs, curling his tongue in such a way that it makes your entire body tense up, muscles pulled tight. “Want me to push you around like the stupid little girl you are?” You moan, head bobbing up and down at the ideas he stuffs in your mind. As he moves down the length of your cunt, that round nose you love brushes against your bud, and the cheeky shit takes an obnoxiously loud sniff of it, a soft groan breathed against your lower lips. “But isn’t this better?” he hums, languidly molding his lips against your lower ones, much in the same way he does with the ones on your face; he moves slowly, slips his tongue in every few seconds before eventually diving in head on. “Slow... and so easy.”

“Kook,” you mewl, getting this overwhelming urge to cover your face with your hands. But you can’t, because he’s knotted one hand with yours and his fingers only tighten when you try to yank them apart. Instead you’re left pressing one knuckle against your mouth, brows pinching as he begins slowly fucking his tongue into your cunt. “F-Faster,” you beg. He, of course, ignores your plea.

The wet mass moves past the clenched muscles around your hole, nose brushing against your lips with every intrusion. Every few cycles he stops to press a kiss against your pussy, so hard and wet that it hurts when he pulls off. You’re left writhing and moaning, your heel knocking against his shoulder when he pushes your leg up closer to your chest. “It’s enough,” you cry, your entire body shivering.

Jungkook pulls off with a loud pop, lips glistening with your arousal. He’s got this glint on his eyes, like he’s thoroughly entertained by your reactions. He shuffles around to get comfortable, finally releasing that grip on your hand. Immediately, your newly freed hand jumps forward to tangle in the hair above his ear, tracing down the delicate curve of his cheekbone. Jungkook turns his head, pressing a soft peck against your open palm that makes your heartbeat thunder in your ears.

As he moves around, his leg bumps against something that has both of you pausing. It sounds out of place next to your shallow breaths, and both of you glance down only to catch sight of that stupid package from Sexuality Unleashed teetering on the edge of the bed.

The moment you see it, it’s like you’re transported into an omnipresent view of the scene, the next few hours flashing before your eyes as Jungkook snorts. You know he’s going to reach for it in two seconds, and you know he’s going to tear the hot pink packaging apart with his bare hands. He does so with a scary amount of power, the industrial tape not standing a chance against him. A box roughly the same size as the package falls out, and before you can kick it away and save yourself from suffering beneath Jungkook’s teasing antics, he’s snatching up the box.

“The Bullet Bestie,” he reads aloud, dark eyes flying across the text with lightning speed before that box is also being ripped open. (Briefly, there’s a voice in your head that thinks of Doyeon, but you’re not sure why.) Out tumbles a little pink bullet with a strap on one end that bounces against your thigh and an even smaller remote.

“Baby,” you rush out, the sight of the tiny toy making your heart thunder in your chest. “We can look at it another time,” you try, hands coming up to brush against his face again. “Why don’t you finish off here?” you ask, a sickeningly sweet politeness dripping off your tongue as the knot in your tummy fades into the background of his attention.

Jungkook ignores you, picking up the remote with a wondrous look in his eyes. Before you can try to persuade him back between your legs, a quiet click cuts you off and the little bullet whirls to life. You yelp at the sudden vibrations against the inside of your thigh, so close to your throbbing core. The jump of your thighs has it falling onto the mattress below you, wide eyes snapping back to the smirk that grows on his face.

“No,” you say slowly, sitting back up, “no, no,” you try, your usual assertiveness melting into a whiny cry as you try to wiggle away from him and the nefarious ideas infesting his lust-addled mind. You’re barely turning, ready to make a run for it and hand him his victory by forfeit, when Jungkook is catching you by the waist. Your hips get pulled up, arms clawing uselessly at the sheets beneath you as he drags you close to him. He’s fast, already having moved onto his knees behind you, and when he yanks you up, you can feel every hot plane of his body aligned with your backside. “Kook, please just make me cum,” you gasp.

There’s a smile pressed against your shoulder, lips still wet from before, kissing along the side of your neck. “Look at my girl,” he murmurs, and you nearly jump out of your skin when something smooth is traced along your thigh. One hand slips beneath the material of your shirt, soothingly rubbing circled against your skin. This hand also holds the tiny remote between two fingers, and every nerve in your body is on edge waiting for it to be used. “Where’s that smartmouth now?”

“Jungkook,” you try to warn. But there’s no bite to your words, only an anticipation that grows the closer he moves that damned toy between your thighs. “Baby, we-we can play another time, okay? Just please—“

A soft click, and suddenly your spine is giving out on you, upper body flopping forward as Jungkook runs the vibrations over your clit. Of course Jungkook follows, never letting you slip far from his reach. A loud moan spills from your lips, lower lip wobbling at the unreal amounts of pleasure he bestows upon you with such a small toy. “W-Wait,” you sob, the coil from before suddenly magnified tenfold. It makes your orgasm loom over you bigger than ever, a wave that threatens to spill over and drown you in one go. “No-please.”

His mouth presses against your ear, hot breaths fanning against the skin there. “Hey pretty girl, does it feel good?” he husks out, kissing just below your ear. “Aw fuck,” he groans, something stiff pressing against the cleft between your cheeks, “can’t even see if you’re making that stupid face right now.”

You are, but you don’t even have the words to tell him that. The moment the vibrator had made contact with your already ravished clit, your eyes had rolled into the back of your head. You don’t doubt you look like those silly ads you’d laughed at earlier, mouth opening and closing every few seconds as he circles the toy around your bud. You settle on a high-pitched whimper that has Jungkook laughing meanly against your ear.

It ends too soon, the stimulation from Jungkook eating you out for a few minutes combining with the bullet to form a powerful duo that swallows you whole. An embarrassingly loud moan rips itself from your throat, hands twisting in the sheets beneath you as it washes over you. It’s so powerful, it blinds you, pussy spasming. Jungkook’s name is repeated about a thousand times in between, your body eventually melting back into the mattress as the final shocks run through you.

The vibrator clicks off just as quietly as it turned on, your harsh breaths filling the room in its place. “Good girl,” Jungkook praises, raining down a parade of kisses against your shoulder. You mewl in appreciation, still awkwardly shoving your face into the mattress, and your hips in the air. From the corner of your eyes, you watch him set the glistening toy off to the side, and you’re just about ready to thank the heavens for such an experience with your boyfriend, when said boyfriend hits you with a curveball.

The gentle pecks against yours shoulder dissolve into harsh kisses, rough hands trailing up your waist. The t-shirt gathers around his knuckles, pushed and pushed until he’s got those same hands cupping your breasts. “Did you like that?” he asks, biting down against your shoulder; the sensation is dulled by your shirt being in the way but it still makes you whine. You moan softly, nodding against the mattress as he gets to kneading your breasts over your bra. “Mm,” Jungkook sighs, “my pretty girl was so good for me, wasn’t she?”

Those deft fingers run back down, crawl beneath the elastic of your lounge bra and push it away until your breasts are bouncing out of their cage. “Kook,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut as he traces circles around your nipples. “W-Wait,” you whimper, suddenly reminded of the swollen cock pressed against your backside when he leans closer.

“Shhh,” he soothes, tweaking your nipples. “Relax for me, sweetheart,” he coos, flicking your hardened nipples with his fingers. You can’t relax, not with your body still so sensitive and him playing with you. Still, the low intonation makes something soft and warm settle in your chest, the kisses against your jaw making your eyes fall shut. “That’s it,” he says, giving one nipple a playful twist that draws a high-pitched moan from you.

Just as you’re beginning to fall into the rhythm of Jungkook’s caresses and voice, he releases one breast to traverse his hand down and over your tummy, to your sensitive pussy. You gasp, biting down on your lip as he teasingly flicks your clit with his fingers. “Bet you could come again now,” he murmurs, taking the tip of your earlobe into his mouth and nibbling softly. You groan, shoving your face into the sheets as if that will save you from your doom. “Bet your pretty little pussy can cream itself just like this, isn’t that right, sweet girl?”

You whimper, hips bucking back against him when he begins nudging your bud, lewd sounds reaching your ears. His other hand remains on your breast, no longer toying with your nipple but simply holding it almost comfortingly. There’s a smirk pressed against your skin, that pearly white smile you usually adore so much teasing you as he circles your nub.

“Come on,” he encourages quietly, kissing up the column of your neck again. You moan, thighs quivering as he strokes a second orgasm out of you with no struggle. Your eyes and throat burn at the heat that washes over you, and you release a hoarse scream into the mattress— Jungkook chuckles at the sound, egging you on with that low voice until your muscles go limp a second time.

When he rolls you onto your stomach again, you try desperately to cover the tears that blur your vision, turning away from him like a child when he tries to look. “Crybaby, crybaby,” he sings teasingly, prying your hands away to capture your mouth with his for the first time that night. “Lemme see those tears, baby,” he purrs.

He tastes like you, tongue dripping with that sweet tang of your pussy, and he smells like you too. It strokes the flames of you ego, arms eventually wrapping around his shoulders as he settles above you. He pulls off with a curl of his tongue against your swollen lips, brown eyes lazily staring down at you. It’s embarrassing how well kept he still was compared to your half-nude state of dress. His skin is all glowy and pretty, not a single tear track in sight, and his grin is still too relaxed for your liking.

Jungkook’s body feels so warm and comforting against yours, muscles keeping the heat trapped between your bodies. You go to brush a hand through his hair, needing to feel the familiarity of those silky locks, before he’s suddenly leaning away. He shuffles onto his knees again, glancing down at your thoroughly abused cunt with a quirk in his brows.

“God,” you groan, knocking your foot against his side. “Just fuck me already,” you huff despite your earlier fatigue. You could only go so long without feeling Jungkook’s fat demon cock inside of you.

He snorts at your snappy tone, cutely tilting his head to the side to move his hair out of his face. His jaw looks sharp from this angle, facial features covered in shadows the lamplight behind him can’t touch. “Can’t,” he announces, and you could pull your hair out from all this unnecessary build up.

Truth to be told, you and Jungkook were both equally as unrestrained when it came to each other. Most of the time, the lead up to actual, penetrative, key-in-lock sex included a couple minutes of heavy petting from his end, and maybe a half assed handjob from you. Sometimes if you felt extra attentive, he’d eat you out and you'd him off. But for the most part, the two of you jumped straight into it after an orgasm, like horny teenagers despite the two of you being twenty-three now.

The most adventurous you’d ever gotten up until the point was maybe two orgasms bestowed upon you by a crazed Jungkook. And, well. You had hit two orgasms now. You were ready for his monster cock.

“Kook,” you whine childishly.

Jungkook shakes you off, placing a palm on both your knees. Slowly, he spreads your thighs apart again, eyes zeroed in on the glossy folds that come into view, the sparkling pearly cum that leaks out of your hole. “I can’t, baby,” he says, almost pained. “I gotta clean you up first,” he insists, and before you can tell him how counterproductive it is to lick you clean of your arousal before fucking you, he’s diving face first into your cunt.

But the biggest surprise doesn’t come from Jungkook going in for thirds, but from the hands he clasps around your thighs, the sheer strength he uses to roll you over (ignoring the shriek you let out) to sit you on his face. “No, no,” you yelp immediately, “I-I‘ll break you,” you cry, trying to escape from his hold.

From beneath your thighs, dark eyes peering up at you daringly, you can see the clear warning on Jungkook’s face. It’s a look that loudly says don’t you dare fucking move, shapely brows sending a jolt of genuine fear down your spine for a moment. “Jungkook,” you fret, trying to ignore the arousal that only continues to blossom as his tongue laps against your folds for the second time that night. “I’m, I’m,” you stammer, hands burying themselves in his hair as he ignores your cries. “I’ll break you,” you try again, spine arching when he slurps your clit into his mouth. “I-I’ll—“

He pulls off with a pop. “Fuck my face, baby,” he says, as if he hadn’t heard a single of your concerns at all. His nose nudges against your clit, a whimper catching in your throat. Briefly, his hand disappears from around your thigh, and when it returns, that tiny bullet vibrator from earlier is pressed against your thigh. “You got that?”

You nod, internally torn apart by your fear of crushing him and your need to drag your cunt all over your boyfriend’s handsome face. You glance down at him, watch him slip that vibrator into his mouth for just a second and lewdly coat it in his saliva, before he’s reaching around to shove it past your pussy lips. They’re still swollen and puffy, but have long since relaxed enough for him to slip it in. “B-But what if—“

“You won’t,” he cuts off, readjusting himself closer to your cunt again, “come on, pretty girl.”

The reason you think you and Jungkook click so well was because he was able to bring that vulnerable side out of you every now and then. He knew you liked to parade around with that huge superiority complex, and he loved it. But he also knew there were things you liked and disliked, and sometimes it took a little pushing for you to reveal them.

For a second, that horny cloud over his irises lifts, and he gives you one of those cute, sloppy winks as he taps your thigh gently. “Fuck my face, sweetheart,” he whispers, “drag that pretty cunt all over me until I can’t breathe.” A gasp catches in your throat, hands unconsciously curling against his scalp. He notices, and flashes you a lazy smirk. “You can do that, can’t you?”

Something akin to adoration blooms in your chest, and before you can blurt out something embarrassing—like I love you—there’s a soft click that has The Bullet Bestie revving up inside of you. You gasp, the sudden vibrations deep inside your pussy making your hips snap forward, clit rubbing against Jungkook’s nose.

“O-Oh,” you cry, and that’s all it takes for you to lose it. Your hips start off slow, at first just savoring the wet drag of his tongue against your lips, his nose against your clit. He sticks his tongue out for you, and part of you wants to tell him he’s a good boy, that corny hentai ad flashing in your mind, but you doubt you’ll survive the aftermath of that. Once you find that perfect pace, your hands are practically yanking at his hair, pushing him further into the mattress as you ride his face like he’s nothing but a toy. “Kook, Jungkook,” you pant, grinding your lower lips against his all too eager mouth.

It feels oddly weird being over him like this, using him like this. You like to think you and Jungkook have equal power in the bedroom, but you will admit that more often than not, he assumes control by default. You’re not particularly bothered by that, because you doubt you’d ever come up with the crazy ideas Jungkook did when he was horny (okay, a lie, because you definitely have thought of crazy sex schemes before).

But, this moment…

The power was quickly going to your head. “Fuck,” you sob, roughly dragging the length of your pussy over and over his face. The hands around your thighs are pressing against your skin with a strength that would hurt were you not blinded by arousal. His eyes are shut, lids fluttering open every now and then as he watches you buck wildly over his face like he was a pillow in high school and your parents were gone for the weekend.

It doesn’t help that the rhythmic pulses of the vibrator inside of you are doing their job well, the tongue that slips into your pussy joining together to form a powerful combination. It’s ultimately what has you halting your manic thrusts, instead falling into a slow grind over him. Your hips circle, eyes squeezed shut as you lose yourself in the lapping of his tongue against your dripping hole. “Mmmf,” you mewl, biting down on your lower lip as the wet muscle prods against a delicate spot within you. You hear feels light, view of the gorgeous man beneath you obstructed by the eyelids that can't seem to stay open. “N-No,” you cry, pulling his hair more roughly than you intended to in order to redirect him. “There, there,” you whimper, holding him tight against your pussy.

Beneath you, Jungkook exhales harshly against your lips, hands moving frantically over your thighs as he works his tongue inside of you alongside the bullet vibrator. If you weren’t so caught up in your own pleasure, all kinds of sounds spilling from your lips, you would have heard the quiet moans that fall from his. Alas.

It takes a few more pulses from the toy and a few more licks from Jungkook until you’re coming for the third time that night, features twisting up as your pussy clenches around his tongue before spilling down his mouth. Your back arches, a defeated moan escaping you as you release the same mess he’d claimed to clean up onto his lovely face. You can barely breathe afterwards, mouth dry and head dizzy when Jungkook finally pops back out from between your thighs. You barely have enough time to lift yourself up, pussy lightly brushing across his Adam’s apple as you stop yourself from crushing his windpipe. It makes you twitch.

“Good girl,” Jungkook praises with a cheeky smile that distracts you from the bullet toy he retrieves from your quivering cunt. His face is absolutely glistening from your arousal, skin warm and flush. He’s looking up at you like you’re some mythical goddess and he’s but a humble villager coming to pay his respects at the temple that is your body. Fuck, were you okay? You don’t think you’ve ever felt this good in your entire life, and Jungkook’s mushy gaze was doing things to your heart.

He presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh before helping you off of him, laughing meanly when you flop limply down beside him. He’s still fully clothed, a fact that irks you when he leans over to kiss you with that glossy face of his. “D’you like it?” he mumbles, kissing softly down your face. You nod, legs twitching from the aftermath of that wild ride. “I saw it, y’know,” he says suddenly.

“Saw what?” you mumble, mindlessly rolling your head to the side and exposing more skin when he begins kissing along your neck.

Jungkook says nothing, just rolls over you. Part of you thinks he’s crazy, but you’re suddenly hit with the realization that while Jungkook’s drawn three orgasms out of you in the course of an hour, you hadn’t done anything for him. Before you can dive head first into swallowing his cock, he’s kissing you softly. “That stupid face,” he smirks, slotting his mouth against yours. “That weird, now realistic face,” he tacks on.

You huff out a laugh, throwing your leg around his waist comfortably. Jungkook smiles, kisses you one last time before settling in your arms, face cutely pressed in between your boobs. “Hey,” you call, “don't you wanna cum too?”

He shakes his head, a soft sigh filling the air. “Nah,” he says, cuddles closer into you. “Rest now, baby.”

You roll your eyes. “I can feel your dick against my thigh,” you point out, wiggling your pelvis upward to brush against his throbbing erection. Jungkook holds you down in an effort to stop you. “Fuck me.”

He groans against your collarbone. “No, you’re tired,” he tries to convince you, but his skin is warm and flushed in the way it always gets when he’s riled up. “Sleep.”

With the leg around his hip, you pull him closer. “Fuck me, Jungkookie,” you purr, using the hands in his hair to turn his face up towards yours. His dark eyes are drawn down cutely, pouty lips too. “Use my body,” you suggest, “I’m yours anyway.”

His eyes flutter shut, a quiet whimper falling from his lips. “Don’t say that,” he sighs, “makes me wanna do very mean things to you.”

You smile. “You can do whatever you want to me, don’t you know that?” Another groan, his head falling forward until he’s hiding in your neck. Still, there’s movement from below, he sweats slipping down at his hips until that throbbing cock is pressed into the tiny crease where your thigh meets your pelvis. There’s a moment of hesitation, and you wonder if this is what he felt like earlier when he’d managed to get you to sit on his face. “Inside, Jungkookie,” you murmur, reaching down to line him up with your sensitive entrance. He whines softly, arms wrapping around you as he pulls you close. “Good boy.”

Despite your earlier belief that you’d never survive an encounter with Jungkook after using such a term on him, the result is much different from what you had anticipated. He visibly melts into your arms, cock slipping past your folds easily. “No,” he says, his voice feathery and whiny against your ear. “I can’t.”

You soothe a hand down his back, eyes fluttering shut as he begins slowly rutting against your swollen lips. “That’s it,” you encourage, tugging softly at his wavy hair. Jungkook moans wantonly against your neck, rolling his hips harshly against you until his arms are the only things keeping you from jostling out of his hold. “Do you like this pussy?” you ask, purposefully clenching around him, tummy tightening at the stimulation you keep packing on.

Jungkook shudders, pace growing slipping inside of you. “Yes,” he pants, “s-so wet… creamy.”

“Yeah?” you huff, pressing a smiley kiss against his forehead. “It’s yours.”

“Ffffuck,” Jungkook chokes, picking up his pace as his well-deserved orgasm reaches its peak. He’s breathing harshly now, and it’s taking everything in you to keep your pussy tight around him. But after the night he’d given you, the sounds and faces he pulled from you, it’s the least you can do. Besides, your body, after being so thoroughly pleased, still rears up for one final orgasm with him. “Mine,” he growls, bucking his hips into you. “You’re mine, baby, mine,” he seethes, ending his little tryst with a piston of his hips that makes you gasp, body almost unconsciously spasming around him. It’s painful, but so, so delicious how he manages to pull this last orgasm from you as he finally busts inside of you.

He comes with a stuttering garble of words, none of which you catch as he collapses into your hold for the final time that night. “Fuck,” he pants afterwards, leaning into your touch when he finally registers the soft combing of fingers through his hair. “That was evil.”

You laugh, pulling him closer. “As evil as you making me suffer through three orgasms before putting your dick in me?” you tease. Jungkook slips out of you, and you know it’ll be a hassle to clean your sheets tomorrow but it’s worth it.

“It’s called building the scene,” he weakly defends, blindly tugging the puffy blanket over the two of you. “I was gonna rhyme it with that horrible website you made me use but I already forgot it’s name.”

“Rude,” you snap, “it’s called KissAnime.”

“And fore-play,” he suddenly says, and you almost yank his eyeballs out of their sockets for doing that stupid thing again.

—

epilogue 

Two weeks later, your favorite website and home to hentai ads is shut down after years of piracy. Jungkook laughs at your demise, sits and actually cackles at your heartbreak, until he eventually comforts you with his flaming demon cock and a subscription to both Crunchyroll and Funimation. Doyeon spends weeks tracking down a missing package, apparently some freebie she’d gotten for being such an avid customer on Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! before eventually finding it in your drawer. And because her and Jungkook have some awkward life-long rivalry for your attention, he doesn’t pay for that. 

—

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 1 “FartsApp” [Episode List] Since he’s a gassy nerd, Dave teases his friend Tim via WhatsApp by sending him a series of short videos of him farting.

FartsApp

Being gay with a fart fetish is really hard sometimes.

For me at least.

While the world is definitely getting more open-minded about homosexuality, I can’t really force it to accept this weird fetish (to be honest, all fetishes are kinda treated like taboos, regardless of the sexuality involved). I had to settle for YouTube videos or websites devoted to this whole fart-sniffing thing; not that I’m complaining: it was good to discover that so many people actually had this fetish.

Cue Dave. Well, sort of, actually. He doesn’t have a fart fetish and he’s not even gay. Dave has been my best friend since forever. Unlike me, however, he’s straight and is currently dating some (lucky) girl.

Around my age, he’s like a brother to me, and we’re actually well-known because of how much time we always spend with each other.

Dave is a great guy, a great friend, very open-minded and, dare to say it, actually quite hot.

Not surprisingly, being the brother I never had, he’s the first friend I came out to, the only one who knows about my homosexuality. Actually, it’s not like I told him… he found out on his own, in the worst possible way (for me).

During one of our nerdy game-nights, being “that one gassy friend��, Dave started to rip -as usual- tons of farts, fueled by some junk food, until he ripped one directly in my face (and boy it was amazing…). Everything went downhill from there… kinda. For some reason or another… he just accepted all at once not only my homosexuality, but also the fact that I found face-farting… hot. He just laughed about it and honestly gave me some encouraging words about my peculiar situation, proving that he’s indeed the best friend ever. Oh… and he also literally farted for me after that, in my face, letting me sniff and enjoy his amazing rips; he can also fart on command apparently: got a taste of his talent that same night.

That one, surreal night.

I still can’t believe it happened.

Felt like a confused dream. Like one of those nights where you drink too much so you don’t clearly remember what happened. But it was all true.

Dave, my best friend, was perfectly fine with me, my fetish, and all this weird stuff.

Yes: I know how lucky I am.

It’s been 4 months since he found out.

And, believe it or not, I’m getting face-farted so often that I’m almost forgetting how beautiful it feels.

Seriously: Dave simply accepted it like I’m living in someone’s crazy fetish dream and, when we’re alone, he just casually farts in my face (without me asking for it). Not always, but very often.

Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that my nose spends a lot of time brushing against his denim-covered butt, our friendship didn’t change at all though: we still hang out with the rest of our friends and generally spend a lot of time together.

Sometimes I’m so in disbelief about how easy-going he’s been with me, that I randomly ask him “You sure you’re OK with… this?” (I say, gesturing all of me), but he just smiles or rolls his eyes annoyed, tired of hearing the same question over and over again. What can I say? He’s perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality I guess, so he doesn’t have any problem with my fetish.

Sometimes though -sorry I say this- I kinda wish he did…

No, I’m definitely not complaining. That’s the best possible scenario for me, but sometimes he can get a bit too… inopportune. Dave is not really a prankster, but he loves teasing his friends, just for fun, including me.

I was in the middle of an important exam once, one of these pop-quiz thingies that make zero sense, and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked my FB private messages and all I saw was this YouTube link sent by Dave. Since I’m a fool apparently, I clicked on it, and one of those popular YouTube fart videos popped up and played, one with really loud farts. The first fart actually echoed in the room and other students glared at me: never felt so embarrassed (not including the night Dave found out about my fetish).

“Dude! Stop sending me this stuff!” I texted him. “I’m in the middle of an exam here!”

I scolded him for this, but the truth is that I couldn’t ask for a friend more open-minded than him.

The fact that he teases him with fart videos like he teases our heterosexual friends with those “shock” porn pics made me feel more… accepted.

But still… I was in the middle of an important exam so he had to stop.

And he obviously didn’t.

He sent me like 10 other links, just to annoy the sh%t out of me.

I mocked him by texting something like “Those videos are quite hard to find. Guess you’re gay too then!” but he would reply with “I had a great teacher!” and send me one of my awkward photos from Facebook.

Other times, since our friendship didn’t change a bit, he even made random references to my homosexuality or even my fart fetish when messaging me to make plans for the night (especially during the weekend). This mostly happens on WhatsApp:

Dave: “Dude, you have to come with us. Stop being a whiny little bi*ch and get up from that couch!”

Tim: “Sorry, man. I don’t think I’ll be joining you tonight…”

Dave: “You know what? If you don’t come with us… you’re gay!”

Dave: “Sorry, I mean… if you don’t come with us, you’re a fuc*ing heterosexual!

Dave: "U ride pussy, don’t you? Fuc*ing straight people!”

He was obviously being sarcastic, but I just loved how he adapted his… uhm… “humor” to my situation.

One time, however, things got a bit… hotter for me…

Dave: “Dude, come over. We have a lot to study…”

Tim: “Sorry, really can’t today. Aren’t you with Dana right now anyway?”

Dave: “I need somebody to focus with, not focus on. You know me and Dana always end up in bed after like 20 minutes.”

Dave: “It’s awesome but this stuff ain’t gonna study itself…”

Yep. Dave and his girlfriend Dana apparently had a very active sex life.

Glad he was getting laid. And Dana was pretty cool to be honest.

Tim: “Dave, sorry. Maybe tomorrow, k?”

Dave: “Dude! Come on! I’m farting like crazy today!”

Did… did he just try to “bribe” me using his farting abilities?

Dave: “Seriously. I just ripped one that was like 10 seconds long. What a waste of farts!”

Tim: “Dave… are you crazy?”

Took a couple of minutes to reply to that one, and then I got two messages at once.

Dave: “Oh yessss, Tim, crazy for youuuuuu!” he wrote, with a heart emoticon at the end (again, he’s a sassy bi*ch as usual).

I then saw that WhatsApp was loading a video sent by him, an actual video, not a link.

It was Dave, a smirk drawn on his face while staring at the camera. He was wearing a simple black shirt. The view soon moved and I saw his slightly sagging-butt in jeans sitting on a wooden chair, and then heard this big fart echoing in his living room (he was alone), rumbling loudly and hard on the wooden surface. He even turned the camera to his face while he was forcing the “classic”-sounding fart out, making funny facial expressions; indeed, the fart lasted almost 10 seconds, and I obviously loved that: biggest farts I’ve ever heard from him in awhile! It was like watching those funny fartvines on… well… Vine, but having my best friend as the funny/hot farter this time.

Dave: “Hope that convinced you…” he then texted.

I was kinda… “offended” by that last message.

I mean, yeah, I seriously wanted to be there, but I always love spending time with Dave, farts or not (that’s why we’ve been friends since… forever).

Tim: “Are you seriously using farts to buy my friendship? It’s not like I don’t want to study with you. I just can’t today!”

Was that too harsh? Should I have added a smiley face at the end?

Only thing I was sure of, is that I never thought that a sentence like that would even make sense someday.

And I was still bewildered by how Dave was so comfortable with the fact that I loved farts.

Tim: “You don’t need farts to convince me, Dave. More like… you’re making me suffer!” I joked, finally breaking the ice myself with a reference to my embarrassing fetish, proving that I indeed wanted to be there with him, enjoying those farts.

Another couple of minutes passed.

Was he making another…?

Dave: “I know you’re suffering, Tim. Don’t worry. That’s why I’m sending you this.”

Oh boy, another video. Should I play it? Was he aware that I was getting a boner from all of this?

I literally pitched a tent in my pants.

There… it’s Dave again, this time sitting on the couch. The video started with his face winking at the camera with a sly smile; the camera then moved between his legs and slowly panned towards his butt in loose jeans (he probably put his legs on the small table in front of his couch, to make his butt more visible). Now I had a rather unique (and hot -for me) view of both his butt (and part of his crotch) in jeans and his face. He grinned wildly and the fart began, ripped right in front of the phone. The sound and the views were perfect; Dave moved the camera towards his butt as the fart kept going strong, sounding like a deep trumpet; I could see the detailed blue fabric of his jeans as the funny sounds continued. What a lucky phone!

It lasted around 8 seconds and it was simply the hotness.

The video ended with Dave laughing at the camera and all went pitch black.

Tim: “You’re insane, Dave!” I joked again, enjoying how crazy he was about this. And for me I guess.

But I had to tell him.

Tim: “Dave, you do know that all of this gave me a… well…”

But as I was halfheartedly writing the second part of the message, Dave wrote more stuff.

Dave: “Then go beat your meat! I can’t do everything for you, Tim.”

Dave: “And please don’t act like this is some kind of big deal…

Dave: "Wow, Tim got a boner! How impressive!”

Dave: “Let’s all bow to Tim, the mighty guy whose penis can turn bigger!”

Dave: “Behold, the Great Tim! The guy who once had a boner and had to tell everyone!”

Further proof that Dave was being the best friend ever.

He was clearly being sarcastic; he was joking. That was his way of telling me “Nah bro, it’s all good”. And I was kinda surprised that he was so… chill about this stuff. I literally had a boner because of him and he just… didn’t care. As I said, he’s very open minded and perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality, so he didn’t have the irrational fear of “turning gay” when doing this stuff with and for me. I also appreciated that he trusted me with those funny, but otherwise embarrassing videos.

After one or two minutes, I’ve received one big audio file and I just knew what I was going to get when I clicked the triangular-shaped button to play them.

I heard Dave singing my name like he was some kind of serial killer trying to find me.

Dave: “Tim… come here…”

I then heard a series of muffled noises, as if the camera was being put under something, and it was clear what: I in fact then heard the loud, audio-glitching sound of one big fart that lasted around four seconds.

Dave: “He’s waiting for you…” he sung again in that creepy tone of voice.

Another fart, just as big as the first one.

He was on fire that day!

Now I was both laughing like an idiot and having the biggest boner.

Tim: “Dude, you’re on fire! But… to be honest, that was kinda gay…” I chuckled.

Dave: “Says the guy who gets a boner when he hears a fart. You fuc*ing hypocrite.”

He then sent yet another audio file, with him singing that meme-song “I’m gay, gay, gay, I love long big c*cks”, but slightly changing the lyrics. He even put a karaoke version of it on his computer while recording the audio file.

Dave: “You are gay, gay gay, you love long big farts. ‘cuz you’re supah-super gay, and you love big…”

Fittingly enough, a huge fart from my best friend took over the last part of the song. Loud as usual, sounding like a deep chainsaw. I could just imagine how beautiful that was. But the best part was probably the fact that he was definitely farting for me. I know, not your usual “hot sexy” scenario… more like a “sweet” one, in a very twisted way of course.

I wasn’t obviously offended by that “gay song”, since I knew that Dave was just being silly as usual and his mocking words were definitely not mean-spirited.

Tim: “Aren’t you supposed to be studying right now?” I asked.

Dave: “I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be here right now?”

Tim: “Dude, seriously. Thank you! But I’m serious… I really can’t today.”

Dave: “Alright… alright… cya tonight faggot…” he wrote, with a heart-shaped emoticon at the end.

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled a bit, then drove my attention to my own books.

This was going to be a long afternoon. But after only one minute of silence, my phone vibrated wildly: it was Dave and he was calling me. Very unusual in that moment.

“Uhm… Dave? Hello?” I picked up.

I was greeted by a series of “Dude, sorry!” and I was really confused.

“Dave… what?”

It was just Dave being adorkable I guess.

“Dude, sorry about that 'faggot'… that was bit too much, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Bro, it’s OK. I’m not offended. I know you didn’t want to insult me or anything…”

“No, Tim. That one word is not a joke and I shouldn’t have used it, sorry.”

I was just… wow. Dave went from “dominant friendly farter” to “adorable/awkward confused puppy” in mere seconds. Further proof that I was the luckiest guy alive (fetish or not): Dave cared so much for me that he even apologized for the “f-word”, which admittedly is a very bad word for a guy like me. But this time it was coming from Dave, my best friend, a guy who cares so much about me that he would even “censor” his language just to avoid unfortunate implications.

Ironically enough, the roles were switched, and he was the one saying a rapid-fire series of “sorry!” this time.

“Dave, quit with the apologizing. You’re the best.” I chuckled. “We’re bros, that’s what we do: we insult each other!”

“Alright… you sure? Not going to use that word ever again though.”

“Dave… it’s OK. You’re the best.”

“OK… OK. See you tonight. Take care.”

And he hang up.

He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t accidentally offend me by calling me a “fag”.

I would have been, if it wasn’t coming from Dave.

But then again, he also said that he was going to kick in the face whoever dared to insult me.

And he said that before he found out the truth about me: he’s always been quite protective.

“Oh come on!” I shouted, almost annoyed, merely five minutes later, when I heard the phone vibrate one more time.

It was Dave. Again.

He sent another video.

I tried to scoff at it but I was obviously loving all of this instead.

He was lying on the couch, the camera focusing on his butt in jeans. I could see both his face and butt, at the same time. It was like he filmed the video imagining my POV when he farted in my face, and I absolutely enjoyed that.

“Alright, Tim… Sorry for calling you a faggot.” he spoke in a “comically” serious voice. He truly was “sorry”, but it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “I’m really, really sorry, believe me.”

Keeping a straight face, he ripped an incredibly loud, deep fart at the camera. He didn’t bat an eye, blink or smile. He eventually lost it towards the end of that 6-seconds long blast. He chuckled a bit and then turned “serious” again.

“That was a sad fart… we’re both sorry.”

He then closed his eyes and made a funny face, signing in relief as he ripped another long fart, the lucky camera slowly panning towards the seams and textures of the blue denim covering his powerful sagging butt. It lasted almost 10 seconds: truly a fart master. And those weren’t even on command!

“Oh my…” I whispered, staring in awe at the amazing video.

“This one was on the house…” he chuckled, right before turning the phone to his butt one last time and ripping a short series of toots, grinning wildly, clearly forcing those smaller farts out just for me. And that was it.

My boner was definitely wet now as bits of that well-known white substance poured from the tip of of my “standing” dick, slightly dampening my boxers and pants. It was like a volcano going to explode. A volcano that, just like me, couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed to the bathroom and furiously beat my meat, almost strangling my rock-hard penis with a firm grip. I didn’t last much: I literally peed sperm, thinking of Dave’s farts. The best part is that I didn’t need to imagine anything: it was all real. I laughed in relief just as I felt my penis deflating like a balloon, after it vomited its white substance. It felt good, not “masturbation good”, like “life is good”. And it was.

My best friend, Dave, was this fantastic guy who, in his own, twisted way, was taking care of me, accepting me, making me comfortable with my fart fetish. A gassy, open-minded, mildly disgusting “bro” who only wanted to preserve our friendship.

And I couldn’t be happier.

End of Episode 1

[lovelystay]

𝑀𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑒 - 𝐽𝑖𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑔🍒 💣1/2

(𝑅𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡)

[Rᴇsᴜᴍᴇ : Jisung is obsessed with you so he asked his parents to arrange a wedding . Your family, on the other hand, is pretty poor so they immediately agree. You don’t like it but can't do something to stop them... there will be some smut but little fluff at the end.]

~Pᴀʀᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ ɴᴏɴ ᴄᴏɴ sᴍᴜᴛ~

Jisung finds everything about you perfect , from your head until your toes , inside like outside , you were the most perfect human he had ever seen . He believed you were his soulmate , lovely and kind with him when even his own « friends » found him weird . You acted this way around him because the little boy was very adorable and cute , but mostly by pity ...

Nobody stayed around him a lot and it looked like you were the only person he would smile and be happy with .

And it was true , Han liked you a lot , you actually think he have a crush on you , he treated you like you were his girlfriend . You weren’t against it though , he offered you a lot of stuff , and your family wasn’t really wealthy , so it was win win for both of you . He gets to be with his « crush » and you get to not pay for food and stuffs and worry about money .

But for jisung , all of this will lead to something else much important , he wasn’t buying you things and treating you like a princess for you to leave him a week later . In facts , he wanted to make you his , completely. To marry you basically. The cute boy was always spying on you by some way, because you were the only person he cared of , and you actually cared of him too . So why not , right ?

He was getting sick every time he had to leave you , jisung always wanted to be by your side , to see you . He thought that secretly taking pictures of you and stay the whole night watching them would make him feel better , but no , he wants to feel you , to hug you .

Being away from you would now bring him into a sudden episode of depression, he won’t have the strength to do anything and can’t smile at all . Seeing you became vital for him .

So he went and had a discussion with his parents . They were worried for him , every time they saw him , he looked sad , hurt and won’t talk at all . They could do anything to bring a smile on their only child’s face again .

So , as soon as jisung entered the big room his mom ran to him . « Hello jisung ~ are you okay ? Do you need anything sweetheart? » she asks in a rush , desesparated to make him happy and figure out what’s wrong .

« Actually , yes . Yes I need something » Han answers . « Can you bring dad , I need to talk to the two of you » he continued .

Han’s mother go upstairs , running to find her husband . She comes back with him still in a rush , dragging him by the arm .

Jisung sits down on the long and expensive couch , he invites his parents to do the same in front of him and starts to talk , «  Mom and dad , I’ve found someone I really love » he ignores his parents surprise and big eyes and continue « I always miss her and I’m sad whenever I don’t see her . You’ve noticed too right ? »

« Yes we’ve did , everything was just because of a girl ? » his dad answers and asks .

« It’s not just a girl , I really feel empty without her , I want her to be mine... »

« We understand , but , why would you say that to us instead of asking her to be your girlfriend ? » han’s mother asks confused .

« I’m going straight to the point , I want to marry her , I want her to be my wife »

« Jisung ! She’s not even your girlfriend ! We do not even know her name... »

« Y/n , y/l/n y/n , do you accept and support it or not ? »

« Jisung , you can’t just do that »

After a long debate going on between Han jisung and his parents , they finally accept . They’ve thought of it , and , it was the only thing that could make him happy . And they were rich anyway , a wedding wouldn’t be annoying financially. Jisung gave his dad your parents number , because , of course he have those basic information, to let them call your parents and convince them .

His dad promised them money and wealth if they would let you marry their son Han jisung . Your parents thought about the offer a lot after the call , they had a debate concerning the wedding . But there wasn’t many negative point . They weren’t going to pay anything and are going to get out of the poverty they were in for years .

Your parents said it was good for you as well , so they called back and accepted.

It was now late and you came back from school , you were exhausted and tired . With the small energy you have left , you run to your room to do what you waited for all day , sleep . But as soon as you jump on your bed to get some rest , you hear the sudden voice of your mom which prevented you from doing so .

« Come down y/n , we need to tell you something ... »

You let out a long sigh , you were sensitive right now and didn’t want to talk to anyone . But it seemed to be important so you join your mom in the living room . Your mom and dad were looking strangely nervous , your mom was playing with her fingers and rings and your dad couldn’t even make an eye contact with you .

« i can’t understand what’s going on but can you please be quick , I’m very tired »

Your dad’s breath was shaky and he sighed like he was preparing to tell you something big and important , which made your heart beat a little faster and awoken you a bit . Instead of your tired eyes they had now your entire attention. They’ve never been so weird around you .

« You know we are pretty poor right ? »

You bob your head up and down agreeing with him .

« Wouldn’t it be great if we would be less poor ? Or even rich ? »

You giggle a bit and say « of course it would be great , nobody would disagree with that »

Your mom smile gently and asks « do you know Han jisung ? You like him right ? »

You were surprised and didn’t understand where they’re point and all of those question were supposed to lead .

« Continue » you didn’t want to respond to that question , you just wanted to know what your parents wanted to say .

« He said he liked you a lot , he wants to ... » your dad say hesitantly.

« To marry you » your mom finish .

« Well I’ll just tell him no , what the hell does that have to do with all of us ? »

« Listen , their parents said he is really sad when he’s away from you , his parents hated to see him like that and they promised us a lot of money if you’d marry him »

Your dad finally confess. You felt horribly disappointed and betrayed by your own family .

« So you said yes to them ?! Did you two even thought of how I feel ? If I like him ?! You don’t even know if he’s a perv or a bad person but you just agreed to literally sell your only daughter’s happiness for money ?! Seriously ? »

« Calm down y/n , it’s even beneficial for you , you’ll finally be rich and live like the princess you deserve to be , Han jisung is pretty handsome too , I don’t understand why you’re so mad » your mom dare to say.

« If I want money I’ll gain it myself , I don’t need a fucking weird rich boy like him to live happily »

You rushed into your room to cry , you hated to show your « weakness » and cry in front of your parents . You try to be quiet and ruin your pillow to muffle your cry in it .

•*•*•*•*•

The wedding is in 3 days , you are still against it , your parents are still for it .

Jisung’s parents prepared everything , you had nothing else to do but wait . They didn’t even have you the location or the instructions, they told you that a private driver was going to get you . The only time you’ll see jisung it at the actual wedding . You would try and run away before the d-day but your parents would never let you . Now you only see them as the worst person in the world , you never want to see them again , you didn’t care how poor you and your family was , how can you sell your daughter for money and force her to marry a random guy you don’t even know .

You were cleaning your room and complaining about your fate when you receive a message from jisung . You open and read them .

Han jisung

[ hi y/n ]

[did they send you the dress ? ❤️ ]

You close your phone and throw it on your bed , yes they did send the dress but you absolutely didn’t want to talk to him , everything started because of him and his obsession for you . Now your family is breaking and you’ll have to be with him for the rest of your life . You start crying again , the feeling that you can’t do anything to stop it made you angry and stressed out .

•*•*•*•*•

During those three days before the disaster , you were alive but dead at the same time . You hated your parents and wanted to make them feel bad about they’re decision by just locking yourself in your room . You know it would hurt them and you did it on purpose , you only ate two meals during those three days . You didn’t want to marry jisung but you’re forced . How could you feel happy or joyful about this .

Your mom dragged you to the expensive looking car , you were going to get prepared for the wedding . When you got there you were amazed , it is so beautiful , it felt forbidden for a poor girl like you to even be able to see such a pretty and luxury looking place . The people working looked like they already knew who you were , they were waiting for you . Many people came and after the greetings they rapidly set themselves to work . Many person were taking care of you at the same time , you felt special but uncomfortable . They helped you put on your dress and heels , made your hair , did your make up , gave you snacks , did your nails etc ...

Everything seemed to be ready and you got back to the car where the driver was waiting . You wanted to cry but held the tears in not wanting to ruin the amazing make up they did on your face . After arriving at the town hall you saw a lot of people you didn’t even recognize that were waiting for you. You were walking and walking with a bouquet of flowers in your hands . The stress made you hold them really tight you thought you were going to break them . Jisung was right in front of you , you could see in his eyes that he loved the way you looked . Everything went good until the moment arrived where you needed to say yes to jisung . You wanted to say no , but you were too scared of the consequences and the silence started to get awkward . You said yes , he kissed you , you didn’t kiss him back , and everyone clapped . The discomfort obvious on your face and the love obvious in jisung’s eyes . After the party that was thrown you didn’t saw you’re parents anymore . They’ve already packed your stuff and send them to han’s parents . Talking about them , they’ve rented a big house for you and jisung , they wanted for you two to get to know each other better . Maybe they should’ve made us do that before getting us married ...

You took off everything , showered and put on your pyjamas . During the wedding and even after , jisung was trying to talk to you , laugh with you , he was clingy . But you ignored him the whole time . So since the beginning of the wedding and a little before you did not have a proper conversation with someone who is now your spouse .

« Y/n » said jisung entering your room .

« Let’s talk »

[bular]

Welcome to Live Commentary

I had no one to talk to while watching the movie and I hate being alone with my thoughts so I wrote everything down in my notes app. It's not coherent! Enjoy!

Aw yeah 1.5 seconds of Bular that is all I needed! Might as well stop now I've seen my boy I'm satisfied.

Why is there a nearly 4 minute recap as if I haven't watched the show at least 50 times. I should be the one giving the recap.

The beginning felt a bit forced to me but maybe that's just me? Like they just tried to squeeze too many things into a small timeframe without any buildup, it just didn't really work. Congrats on the engagement! This is my OTP so I'm very happy! But it came out of nowhere.

Nari in Douxies body is so wrong and I love it and hate it at the same time (positive)

Eli is BIG. I knew he was gonna be tall but I was not prepared for that chiseled face. Or the fact that he stepped off the ship without glasses? I wear glasses and I would not choose to step off a spaceship blind.

OkAY who had mpreg on their bingo card?

AAARRRGGHH actually said a full sentence 🥺 there is no heterosexual explanation for this scene and I'm here for it

Arcadia being the center of the universe really does make a lot of sense. I hate how much sense it makes. Despise it.

Strickler in a Christmas sweater is something i didn't know I needed. Jim's jacket too but that's just adorable, Jim's adorable. Oh sweet baby you're about to get fucked over so bad.

Love seeing Barbara actively participating in battle too. Good for her! Power family!!

Where are the kids tho? Is NotEnrique babysitting? Either that or they hired the girl from the Incredibles movie.

Nomura is so talented I love seeing her fighting on the good side. I can't explain it but I love digitigrade legs they're just so pretty?? Aesthetically pleasing??? Fuck yeah, legg! I could watch Nomura run around and be badass all day.

WAIT NO OH SHIT HOW DARE YOU FUCK

STRICKLER DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE NOT YOU TOO THAT'S TOO FUCKING RUDE DON'T DO THIS TO ME

THERE'S NO WAY HE'S DEAD RIGHT WE SAW NO BODY

Barbara does not deserve this I refuse to accept it. He's fine he'll be back they wouldn't kill two Changelings at once. Also Nomura is with Draal now I take no criticism.

So my favorite characters were Bular, Draal, Gunmar and Angor. And before this movie I always half-joked that everyone I love dies, how I still like Strickler and Nomura but apart from them all of my faves were killed in the very order of favoritism. AND NOW LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I LOVE A CHARACTER. MY LOVE IS TOXIC.

OKAY I LOVE GUN RO- WAIT NO I DON'T LOVE HIM FUCK ABORT ABORT

It's great tho omg

I didn't realize it was Gun Robot when I saw it in the trailer this is amazing

Okay but imagine you're chilling in your trollmarket minding your own business when some misfit group of strangers waltzes in, steals your favorite shiny and celebrates your death before running off

"I AM GUN ROBOT" IS THE HORN LMAOOO

Nana better show up at some point to reunite with her boytoy, I'll cancel this entire franchise otherwise

Something bad is going to happen to Toby isn't it. He's getting too much screentime

Jim's hand got DEEP FRIED

ARCHIE NO

We can play Scrabble okay if they don't free them (which they must) I want an after credits scene of them playing scrabble

Douxie and Nari's bond 🥺🥺🥺

Nari pls just say what you fuckin mean the world is ending

Oh god is she going to remember killing Nomura oh nooo

Claire don't make the portal you will die again. Your hair gon be white all over

EVERYONE AVOIDING THE SCHOOL JUST RIGHT THERE LMAO RIP

I love how Darci is just with the school bus. Civilian girlfriend. But also love how the world is ending and Coach is like "fuck that I'm gonna teach these kids"

Does he know his son is pregnant

"Going back to the city where it's safe" buddy have you been to that city

Whatever happens, Nari has the coolest looking titan. Giant four legged gremlin. I'd adopt him.

WAIT SHE CAN FEEL THE PAIN?

Me: oh i love that titan

The titan 5 seconds later:

Did Nari just fucking die what the FUCK

Oh of COURSE the pages are stuck together RIGHT THERE

Seriously tho how do you not notice an entire nougat nummy in a book

Wait so Arcadia has another heartstone? Or OH SO IT'S ALIVE. OKAY GREAT. GUNMAR COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT HUH

Love how the Heartstone has been dormant/dead for months and apparently heard Blinky say it's alive and decided to wake up RIGHT THEN

Finally they're evacuating the city. This is like, the third apocalypse there. About time.

Okay so you can't pull Excalibur from the rock, but you CAN carve out the stone. Couldn't you just carve it off the sword as close as possible and like. Use that? Just swing the whole damn rock around?

God i can NOT get over Steve's pants. I mean I read a spoiler he was gonna be pregnant but I thought it was a prank or shitpost. I did not see this coming and I am never going to be over it. I love how he and Aja just roll with it and nobody else even cares. They've seen weirder stuff. So he's pregnant now. Whatever.

Jim's hand is bandaged and his ribs still hurt. I love that they're actually consistent with his injuries. I mean sucks for him but hell yeah for hero that doesn't always win!

Okayyy here comes the heartstone. Why not!

IS HE IN LABOR

So if you kiss an Akiridion 7 times you will have 3-5 babies in a few hours. How are they not overpopulated?? Also Aja couldn't have WARNED STEVE BEFOREHAND?

Eli is so supportive omfg

So uh where are the babies gonna come out of? I'm not into mpreg how does this usually work

OH STEVE THANKS FOR ASKING MY QUESTION

Oh good thing he happens to have 8 friends still alive. Otherwise this would've never worked. Nomura had to die otherwise there would've been 10 of them.

Why is everyone bowing to Jim? Did they rehearse this?

Stuart if you hadn't taken a bathroom break you would've thrown off the math and doomed the world. That was a poop of fate my man

Ahhh the signature quote. Where did Douxie and the Akiridions learn it? Did they rehearse this too? It's really cliché but I do like it tbh

If Strickler were dead we'd see more Barbara right?

WOOO BLINKY DRIVING

Ah Jim just used she/her for Bellroc! Finally we're learning some pronouns. I've been wondering this whole time.

MY VIRGIN EYES. WHAT IS GOING O N

How are they not dying with all this lava?

She really just yeeted Varvatos

Did Claire just tell AAARRRGGHH to jump off the titan and he did it without question

I want to say I like Stuart and want him to have more screentime, but I won't say it because I don't want him to die

Jim's poor ribs

Toby can drive yoooo

Tobyyy you're scaring meeeee

So did they really need the different stone or was the amulet just waiting for Jim to choose death over giving up

I saw the armor before but it looks VERY COOL

Also I didn't mention this before but I love that they cut Merlin's name from the incantation. Good for them.

Toby you lost your helmet noooo

For real tho I'm terrified for Toby rn. I saw a comment somewhere earlier that just said "Toby no" with no context and I am AFRAID

So do Bellroc's eyes work after all? I thought she was blinded back in Wizards in the past.

DID SHE JUST FUCKING STAB MY BOY

TOBY YOU SHOULD NOT BE THERE GET OUT THE TRUCK

Bellroc maybe screaming "i'm powerless" in front of your enemy isn't the best idea

She sploosh

DID JIM SURVIVE THAT FALL AND ALSO IS THE TACO TRUCK OKAY

How is he lifting Claire like that buddy you have bruised ribs and just got stabbed

ELI HI CAN WE SEE THE KIDS

SEVEN KIDS! AND ELI JR I LOVE IT

This show really loves to give people more than the recommended amount of babies with no warning huh

She immediately knows which one is Eli Jr 🥺 okay listen I'm not the biggest fan of comic relief sideplot surprise babies, but I have to admit they're cute. Cute couple. Throuple. Eli is in on this. He even has a Junior.

I TOLD YOU WHERE'S THE DAMN TACO TRUCK NANA WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU AND NEITHER WILL I

Oh yea he better fuckin be alive I will commit murder

HE BETTER FUCKIN BE ALIVE BITCH

FUCK YOU

THAT'S A WHOLE ASS CHILD HE ISN'T ALLOWED TO DIE IT'S ILLEGAL

JIM IS GONNA LOOK DOWN AT THE GREEN GLOWING BITCH AAARRRGGHH CONVENIENTLY THREW THERE AND SEE HIM ALIVE OR SOMETHING

YEAH USE THE SWORD TO UNDEAD HIM! THAT'S HOW YOU USE SWORDS!

Unbecoming Part 2

So is Jim just gonna Groundhog Day it until everyone is fine? There's only 13 minutes left we're gonna need a bigger movie

Also I screamed so much about everyone's death and now everyone reading this after they already saw the whole thing is gonna shame me for clowning huh

The scene where Blinky is giving his goodbye speech, there are no babies and Steve has a round belly? Did he reabsorb them?? I mean I know Jim is about to un-birth them but he hasn't started yet

JUST HOW FAR BACK IS HE PLANNING TO GO

WAIT HOLD UP EXCUSE ME WHAT

Oh they did NOT just do that. I though he was just gonna go back to like, the start of the movie maybe. Not all the way

Imagine being in your early twenties with as much trauma as this kid has and having to pretend you're 16 again

Somewhere Unkar is complaining because "oh sure NOW it's a good idea"

I know Jim is wondering where Toby is because he was there before. But before, he made an entire meatloaf AND did his homework before leaving the house, so honey maybe wait a minute

For a second I thought Toby wasn't gonna be there and Jim would return to the right time. But there he is!

Alright so they're in school now, did they take the canal and just didn't mention the amulet on screen or did they pass it as if the Unbecoming episode hadn't been that traumatizing? Jim you know what happens when you ignore it

Jim maybe you're being too obvious here lmao

Soooo. Anyway. These whole past years I've rewatched this show over and over and over again are cancelled now?

OKAY AT LEAST WE SAW NANA FOR A SPLIT SECOND THAT'S IRONIC TIMING

So we get the quote again. And Trollhunter Tobias is nice. Cool. Cool AU I mean, but I don't know. I don't knowwww. I've been way too invested in everything to just accept that it never happened?? So uh. Hm. How about this.

Strickler survived because fuck you, and Toby also survived and just has scars now. Maybe a wheelchair but he's fine, also he can use the Warhammer for super speed and make it awesome once he's used to it. Archie and Charlie get freed once they rebuild the bridge (and they were playing scrabble to pass the time). Nomura is still dead because she died on screen and I can't really deny that but she's with Draal so it's okay. Everyone is traumatized but they'll be fine. NotEnrique is still babysitting 500 babies and Steve is about to bring 7 more.

In summary, I reject Groundhog Day ending but everything else was great, as long as it actually happened. It was a good movie. But you can't just cancel years of passion. Having the prospect of a million "canon AUs" sounds great for writing but at the same time nooo you can't do that he didn't have to go back THAT far HHHHH

I liked the movie. It was a great watch and a satisfying end to a franchise, but I gotta say I do not fancy the ending of it so I will from now on be in denial. I honestly feel kind of betrayed that this show was my whole life for so long, I learned every smallest fact, and they basically deleted it from existence. I know what they were going for, I think, but no thank you I will be going with my own opinion. Still gonna rewatch it a few dozen times though ✌🏻

And that concludes my live commentary that was supposed to be a small handful of notes. Feel free to shame me for my opinions. See ya!

[kanene-yaaay]

Tickle me, princey

Kanene’s note: This fic is basically: Virgil is a bratty Lee, Roman is a competitive Ler and none of them are going down without a fight xDD.

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* Lee!Virgil and Ler!Roman (Kind of. Because there is almost no tickles here, just teasing). Human AU.

* Hmmm… This is a Tickle-Fanfic! If you don’t like this kind of stuff, please look for another blog, there are plenty of amazing art in this site!! ‘u’).

* This have about 2.500 words of Roman and Virgil just being teasy beans.  ‘w’)b.

* PLEASE CHECK THIS AMAZING ART! IT’S INCREDIBLEE! <33

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! I didn’t proofread that one very well, so I will probably be correcting a few things later. Any advice is always very, very welcome!

* A versão em português brasileiro irá ser escrita, ainda. Eu espero! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Do something crazy today, take a good rest, be kind (especially with yourself) and drink water! Byeioo!~

                              [~*~]

Roman cleaned his hands on his jeans before stretching his back and sighing in relief when a small ‘pop’ came from it. The pal from the nearby library was a cool person – not that he would ever allow the other to hear this, because, damn, people who called Roman cocky definitely haven’t met them yet – but equally precise in get on his nerves with as few words as possible, even though the florist didn’t care that much as his dramatics discourses tried to convince everyone he did. 

Besides that, they was Patton’s friend and even more important, they made an accord with the Flower Shop’s owner and Roman was the one in charge to deliver their biweekly floral arrangement to the library’s decór. However, today Roman managed to win their discussion and therefore a couple of podcast episodes read by them (What? Their voice was quite nice!!).

Roman ignored the small ring of the door’s bell as he entered the Flower Shop, looking around to be sure there was no clients before taking his position behind the balcony, internally thanking how chill Patton was with his employees using phone during the shift as long there wasn’t no one near, especially as he unlocked his screen and a new notification popped in front of him.

Butterflies went immediately crazy on his stomach.

[Message from Panic! At Everywhere]

[P: Hey. So, are you still ok?]

Virgil kicked his blanket out of his bed, already feeling a tad of giddiness spread across his body, a small smirk finding its way to his face without him even realizing. Today was the day. Since when he and Roman talked on the last week about boundaries to be sure nothing had changed and decided Saturday as a good day for their session the one with purple hair couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander, picturing and re-picturing what would happen, even though Roman always insisted to never tell him his plans, wanting to keep everything as a surprise, which definitely didn’t help at all the excitement running on his veins.

Their session.

Their tickle session. It was only eleven in the morning and Virgil could already feel his skin tingle just by imagine Roman’s fingers grazing, dancing on it, carefully looking for all his weak spots both knew so well before coming with an entire new technique that would make the other (almost, barely, hardly) want to jump out of his skin so he could escape from the maddening tickly sensation.

He was going to love it. 

Also, it didn’t help that he spent the previous night and its following morning consuming all his favorite tickle content, dying on the spot (and on the reblogs) and skyrocketing his lee mood to the mountains.

Nevertheless, he tried to play nonchalant as answered the other’s new message.

[Message from Dumb(o)]

[D: Yes.]

[P: Cool.]

[D: You?]

[P: Yep.]

[D: Glad to know, Blushy Bug. Try to not alarm all of our neighborhood with your squeals and giggles before I get there, okay? ~

D: And yeah, plu-e-ase, continue with your so delightful tags on your reblogs, okay, Tickle me Emo? I’m learning so much new information with that. If only I would have an opportunity to use all of them today…]

Virgil snorted, one hand trying to hide his face as he attempted with all his might to ignore the flames taking over his cheeks as the teases sank and the memories from the day he conquered this nickname emerged from the deeps of his mind. So, Princey was already so over his head with being the ler this time? Thinking Virgil would be hiding his face on the pillow, squeaking and tittering helpless? Well, he would have a big storm coming, then.

Virgil got up, his footsteps leading him to the clean desk in the room, moving some of the objects so carefully chosen in order to get the perfect picture. Every single makeup  brush lined, gleaming under the lens of his camera, away enough so the viewer would be able to realize all their individualities but close enough to create an impact. 

Two can play this game.

[Panic! At Everywhere sent an image]

Roman clicked on it, eyes going immediately wide as he quickly slammed the cellphone’s screen on his red apron, his gaze running from a place to another to be sure no one was near or had seen the conversation or noticed the way his smile went from an ear to another.

[P: Nah. I’m too occupied choosing the perfect tools for today… I mean, there are just so many options, ya know? I especially prefer the smallest ones, their bristles softly running on my ribs, tracing their way across my tummy to get to the other side… yeah. That is the good stuff. Or maybe we could be experimenting the biggest ones today, letting them tease that spot right under my chin, the softness engulfing all the nerves… ]

Roman took a deep breath, realizing the other still typing.

[P: Anyway, don’t make a big deal of this, ‘kay? I know your imagination can be very fertile but try to not alert Patton with all your blush and twitching. You know he is a curious guy and will want to know why you’re so smiley. ;)]

    “Pai amado, (Dear God) he is going to kill me.” Roman crossed his arms, using all his will to no start wiggling them to nothing, a sudden urge to sing some nursery rhymes making him begin to humming quietly as attempted to gather enough concentration to type a proper, cool reply.

[D: Is that so? So, the big, badass Virgil Storm is excited to get all his tickly-tickle-tickles today? Is he excited to become a so helpless, so adorable mess of giggles and squeaks? To be teased and tickled until he can do nothing but give me those lovely snorts and wiggly-wiggles? ~

Awww. So cute. ~]

[P: Yeah, I am. So what? Wanna do something about that, Sir Sing a Lot? 

Ops, I forgot you’re at work rn. Tsc. Such a pity. Well, guess I will have to kill some time by looking at your precious collection of feathers, see if I find something interesting there.]

[D: You just wait for when I get home.]

[P: :)]

Virgil laid his phone at his side, hiding his face on the mattress, kicking just like he was some teenager in love from those generic movies. The squeals bubbled out from his lips, smiles blooming. He knew he probably was just digging his own grave, but, ha, as if he would fall without a fight. Plus, imagining Roman trying at every cost to keep a straight expression while reading his texts and then struggling to continue his work just as if nothing had happened, with that cute, excited smile planted on his face made a proud wave of power – and joy - hit him and that was a bonus which was worth it. 

Then his phone vibrated, indicating a new notification and a new flood of shivers as he unlocked his screen, freezing for a couple of heartbeats with the length of the message.  

[D: A poem for my dear Knightmare. ~

Once upon a time

There was a wiggley-wiggly lee

That just a few pokes

Made him giggle with glee

Some scribbles here

Some scratches there

You can tickle-tickle

He is ticklish everywhere!

What, you don’t believe me?

‘That much cute he can’t be!’

Well, then allow me to demonstrate

All the beautiful sounds he can create!

Give a few prodding on his ribs

And a quick digging on his hips

Some brushes on his toesies and feet

And don’t forget about these helpless pits!

(And hey, psst, if you squeeze his sides

The cutie, squeaky, wiggly lee,

Will be squealing in a happy delight)

This neck is also asking for tickly-kisses 

He always denies, always desire

Add to that some teasy whispers

And watch his cheeks be set on fire!

Once upon a time

There was a bratty, smug lee

That just a few tickle teases

Can make him a blushy mess

Just like now, you see!]

[…]

“Have a nice day. Thank you for coming!”

Roman waved to the client who got out from the Flower Shop, taming the smugness which threatened to take over his features as he realized that even though an hour had passed, no answer to his last text had arrived yet. He was perfectly aware of how weak Virgil was for any sort of rhymed tease and a whole poem – not his best, he had to admit – dedicated to him? He could almost see the other shrieking, hiding his red face on the pillow, lost in a mess of quiet peals of laughter and curses. His smile got even bigger, swelled in pride. And, well, if he couldn’t help it but push his luck a few inches further, his fingers already halfway to typing a small, itsy bitsy, new tease to his favorite emo lee, how could someone really blame him?

[D: Oh, sorry. Did I make the scary Virgil too much flustered to talk? Awww, I will miss your sassy remarks deeply and sing a ballad in your honor at the funeral. ~] 

He snorted at the amount of time the symbol of ‘typing’ appeared and disappeared on the conversation, using the ten minutes he took to be answered to organize a few sales signs on the glass in front of the store, gaining a dance on his step as the one-worded sentence shone on his phone.

[P: Bitch.]

[D: I have no idea of what you’re talking about. Is that something I said? I feel wounded.]

But a new thing popped up.

[Panic! At Everywhere sent a video]

[P: :)]

It seemed like hours passed, even if he knew the downloading probably didn’t really take more than a few pieces of minute for him to hit the play.

The focus of the camera took a few seconds to adjust, the image trembling and shaking before going still, the crystal clear form of a small light brown, slightly spiked feather twirling between Virgil’s index and thumb locking his eyes on the screen. A quick, quiet sigh could be heard before the tickle tool descended to the palm extended on a desk, stopping by Virgil’s pulse.

The bristles grazed the skin there as the feather began to move on slow strokes, going from the left to the right, left and right, left and right… calmly making its way up, changing to small swirls as it contorted the form of the hand, giving to each finger a light tracing before concentrating on the palm, drawing a spiral which approximated inch by inch to the center. If Roman wasn’t so quiet, - even holding his breath, - maybe he wouldn’t be able to listen the incredibly low, contained huffs of laughter on the background, a soft snort escaping and making both hands tremble as the bristles hit the center of his hand, dancing around the spot for a bit. 

When it stopped, the tool was placed on the desk and then the camera started to move, stopping on Roman’s so very well-known golden with silver details box. Its lid laid next to it, letting its entire content to be proudly shown. The explosion of colors from the most diverse large, small, pointy, fluffy feathers took over the frame, however, a tiny piece of paper placed on the exact center of them was what captured his attention. The lens zoomed and focused, making him able to read the quick message written there.

“:)”

And then the screen went black. The video was over. 

Roman could feel his face being almost split in half by his grin, his fingers hitting the table top in complete frenzy since they hadn’t to hold the device anymore, curling and uncurling as the one who couldn’t just stay still started to bounce his right leg, ignoring the redness he felt crippling down his neck.

“Roman?”

He fully shrieked. Both him and Patton startled and jumped a few centimeters in the air with the sudden sound. The florist slapping his own hand on his mouth, trying with all his inner strength to stop the bubbly giggles which flooded non stop from his lips

“Sorry for the scare, kiddo,” the shine on his eyes free of any guilt as Patton bit his own knuckles proved the contrary, especially when the rest of an awed squeal escaped from his lips, only making the other to giggle harder, eyes closed, blush deepening and nose scrunched. “Aww, your giggles are so cute!” 

“Shuhuhush!!” The Flower Shop owner just smiled fondly, withholding his comments and patiently waiting for the other to recompose himself. When Roman looked at least a tad calmer he decided to make his decision to talk to him clear.

“I’m glad you’re in a good mood, Ro! I just wanted to remember today’s shift is already over. I need a bit of time to organize everything before the painter comes so we can discuss the new design of the Flower Shop. Thank you so much for the ideas, by the way! I can’t wait for you all to see the result! It will be so pretty!!” Roman’s wide eyes were enough of an explanation of why he wasn’t ready to go yet, probably having forgotten about their last month conversation. Although, the surprised look was away in an instant, a shine taking over his glare before he softened, locking his eyes with Patton.

“Of course, it will be, Patty-cake! With my magnificent ideas and your good taste, I really don’t think any other result besides wonderful and perfection will be possible!” He squeezed Patton’s cheeks and his friend stuck out his tongue at him, winning a quick poke on his ribs that made him squirms and yelp, quickly tittering and waving the other with his hands.

“Now shoo-shoo, go enjoy your afternoon!”

A devious smirk gleamed on Roman’s expression for a second. “You can count on it, Padre.” But then it was gone as quickly as it appeared. “Thank you, my mighty hero in a shiny armor! May the universe let our destiny align again in the future.”

“See ya, kiddo!” He replied, his tune also full of joy, watching the one with red hair going away, a happy bounce on his steps.

[…]

Virgil picked the phone in the first ring. “Roman, something happened?”

“Nope,” the purple lover sighed in relief, all the tension getting out of his body and being replaced by confusion, “nothing happened except that a handsome, incredible someone got out from his work earlier than expected and might be heading his home by now.”

That made Virgil shot up, biting his lower lip, butterflies freaking out. “No.” It was his whisper.

“Oh, yes. ~” Roman practically purred on the speaker. “any last words, my dear, defenseless Giggly Storm?”

Virgil just giggled and Roman had almost forgotten how that sound only was enough to spread an explosion of a warm, good feeling on his chest. “Aw, and here I was thinking I would have at least some challenge today. ~” He continued to tease.

Silence. 

“Go check your messages, Princeypie.”

And then he hung up. Roman fondly rolled his eyes, running to check the new notification on their conversation.

[Panic! At Everywhere sent a photo]

It was Virgil, sitting on his bed criss crossed, one elbow resting on his thigh as he took the picture on the body mirror on the other side of the room, a strong blush very visible on his face half hidden by the device, wearing a short and Roman’s red crop top. A new message popped right under the photo.

[P: Get your butt here and tickle me, Sir Sing a Lot.’]

This emo was going to be the death of him.

[D: Aww, I don’t even get a smile?]

[P: You gotta work for those, Princey.]

Virgil definitely did not jump nor yelp as he heard the low, dangerous tune of an “evil” laughter echoes in the house coming from the living room, the sound of the front door being closed making his flight instincts kick in.

“Oh, don’t worry.” Virgil was already halfway to the most far away room where he could escape, trying to keep his reputation as he heard another set of footsteps quickly getting ground and following right behind him. Laughter and squeaks mixed in the air.

“Because I will.” Roman answered.

[mc-critical]

your analysis of selim? i think he's hated way more than he deserves. hating him for valid reasons is fine but telling that he's gonna be such a bad sultan is really stupid [and especially because only now do they bring out history & say selim was bad which is historically inaccurate as well]. out of all of suleyman's sons, it was only mustafa who was loved by all & talented [show only cuz apparently mehmet was also extremely talented & selim wasn't a bad sultan] enough for the throne. bayezid was extremely hotheaded and you can't tell me that a prince who can't control his emotions, especially in front of state officials, will be a good sultan. everyone tells selim was extremely selfish & the instigator of all their fights, when they were younger & older. siblings are always like that?? mustafa obviously wasn't like that because he was way older than mehmet, mihrimah, selim, bayezid & cihangir to get into stupid fights w/ them. mehmet & mihrimah had frequent & annoying arguments because they were closer in age. selim & bayezid had frequent fights because they were closer in age. this is a thing with many siblings; the elder provoking the younger & the younger disrespecting the elder. why do people point out their sibling fights as evidence for selim's personality? i feel sorry for bayezid as a kid but i feel less remorse for him as he's older. i don't say he deserves execution, especially at the hands of his own father, but he did rebel against his father's order & then proceeded to flee to another empire; like, the punishment for that is execution, what did he expect after rebelling? i feel extremely sorry for all his sons though, they didn't deserve this fate when they were just victims of their father's rebellion. also, unpopular opinion but bayezid is lowkey overrated pls don't cancel me i love him but he's annoying at times like all characters & no one really acknowledges it back to selim, he was honestly very underrated. he was really slandered in the series and he didn't have any real support w/ him until nurbanu & sokollu. although hurrem did vouch for him to go to manisa, it was literally only because he was 'peaceful' [we can read that as untalented as well] and no harm would reach him because he wasn't a threat [i actually really liked this plan of hurrem's, tough & clever; only if she was actually supported in this]. even mihrimah, till the end, is quite unfair to him. he had a problem w/ alcohol & people telling him to just stop? like, it doesn't work that way? people have to suffer so much in order to stop their addictions & they're actually restricted from their addictions; selim was a prince, no one around him could restrict him [his parents could but they weren't w/ him in his provinces]. he did become politically active w/ nurbanu's growing ambitions & he took smarter, more cunning & dirtier measures than bayezid to win the throne. the battle for the throne was bloody; resorting to honour like mustafa did was obviously not the best decision & people insult selim for being cunning enough [or being influenced by cunning people] to win the throne. let's also keep in mind that selim didn't even have much of an interest for the throne until manisa & nurbanu. i also like his relationship w/ nurbanu. it paralleled suleyman & hurrem's w/ the concubine arcs but selim did end up being monogamous to her in the show. their chemistry was fantastic [props to engin & merve for their acting] and although i don't really enjoy the 'a woman makes a man strong & influences him in everything; good or evil' kind of take, i did enjoy their relationship [he also sometimes looked at her like she was this ethereal type miracle, appropriately so w/ her courage]. i like what the show did w/ bayezid's execution a lot, the whole scene was such a wonderful cinematic experience; the music, bayezid's agonizing screams, his sons falling one by one, selim crying because he didn't want it to end up this way, bayezid falling & his screams ceasing, selim's heartbroken face because he was always a soft person & he always loved bayezid;

ahh, what a scene, so much love for it. anyway, that's just my opinion; i think he's hated way more than he deserves, especially in comparison to other characters & he's actually one of my most favourite characters from s4 [but i honestly love all characters w/ their good & bad, mc has many complex characters & i live for it]. what do you think about selim? sorry if you got annoyed at the long ask, i can get really heated when talking about selim [especially in reference to his historical figure], hope you don't mind if❤ [if it is annoying i'll stop it]

(okay, I'll talk strictly about the show, since I don't feel like delving deep into historical waters. There is still stuff we don't know for sure and I do want to keep the line between show and history in my head, except for the similar themes.)

While he isn't particularly my favorite character, I appreciate MC Selim and he is a very interesting subject when it comes to analyzing him. I'm actually amazed with what the show did with him in the span of a season (and something, counting some S02B and S03B moments) - he was one of the most fleshed out characters in S04 and we could get a clear picture as to why he does what he does.

Some people consider his debut to be an insult, for it immediately showed some of his weaknesses, putting him in a bad light right out of the gate. But all I can see in this debut is a showcase of his predicament of the prince no one sees as a capable heir of the throne. It’s as if he sleeps with women and drinks as a coping mechanism he’s delved into, with Mihrimah having to do effort to snap him out of it. The Selim we see in the beginning of S04 is a hopeless person. He doesn’t have dreams and ambitions, it’s as if he’s a already a lost cause and he has no one to truly support him. Even Hürrem wanted to send him to Manisa not because she deemed him as worthy, but to use him as a shield in order to deceive her enemies and protect the actual favorite. That may seem like a clever plan, but in actuality, it failed spectacularly - not only did her enemies not get confused for a second and didn’t attack Selim at all, but she forgot to tell Bayezid why she did it and made Selim confused to the point of demotivation, because none of his brothers were truly happy with this decision and they were all opposing it, directly and indirectly. And while he may not show it that much, because of his more composed and pragmatic nature, Selim is sensitive to the opinions of his brothers and the people around him and their prevailing disapproval may be a part of why he became so different than the rest. It’s like no one wanted to get to know him.

Nurbanu’s entrance in Selim’s life is very cathartic in this aspect, for she actually worked with him and gave him the needed motivation and ambition to fight, awaking sides of him that were dormant for a long time. And yes, I do think that Selim’s pragmatism is something he always had, if the whole arrow incident in S03B where he sabotaged Bayezid’s arrow, which caused him to lose is any indication. 

{I don’t think that the quarrels Selim and Bayezid had when they were little are so much indicators of Selim’s personality as they are foreshadowing of their future conflict. Right, these quarrels are normal for siblings and Mehmet and Mihrimah also fought like that (heck, even little Mehmet and Mustafa had a fight once in S01 and that fight was used as the conflict of the remainder of that one episode), but they weren’t as frequent as the ones of Selim and Bayezid. I don’t know, it’s just the atmosphere of these scenes was different and hinted at something more. It could be because we know the historical events and we could see every tiniest bit of early sibling rivalry between them as build-up, but still, I always felt there just was something else. Like the whole arrow incident I mentioned, a presumably harmless little situation gains a whole other meaning later on. It sets up neatly Süleiman’s opinions of both of them (his reaction to apparent disobedience and the making of a scene by someone he doesn’t expect to, by which I mean Bayezid), Hürrem’s retroactive ignorance of a possible bigger enmity and the roots of the whole conflict. It’s not Selim deciding to sabotage Bayezid’s performance as a last resort, maybe knowing that he surely won’t do better than his brother (doing a pretty typical ,,prank’’ for a little, naughty kid) that is exemplary of his cunning later, it’s his validation and him getting away with it that eventually becomes it, just like how he ends up getting away with stuff in the next season. Selim definetly isn’t the instigator of all the fights, especially because Bayezid, thanks to his more impulsive nature, is much more likely to start a fight in the first place and contrasts to Selim’s overall better composure. Provokations among them were mutual and both were consistently throwing darts at each other, one after another. Their conflict is a very nuanced issue: while people try to play right and wrong, both sides were at fault one way or another. The conflict between them is mostly caused by insensitivity, favoritism and ignorance and the desperation of both to try to prove themselves to their parents and win their support, at the end of the day. Why did they always calm down in front of their mother? Not only because of their joint respect for her, but also because of these same attempts to earn her support. Even Bayezid, who obviously had to be sure of her support, wasn’t completely certain of it after Hurrem turned it on Selim for a while. Selim, on the other hand, obviously never felt her support, it’s like something was missing right from the start. Combine that with their completely opposing personalities and the whole system encouraging competition for the throne and there you have the inevitable ultimate conclusion. That’s why I also love the set-up, the pay-off and the aftermath of Bayezid’s execution. It may be historically inaccurate that Selim, not Süleiman, executed Bayezid, but when you think about it, it was the most logical thing that could’ve happened, ending their conflict with a heart-wrenching bow. I love the scene of the execution itself, too - the action, the dialogue, the direction, the character moments, the themes... I don’t know whether Selim loved Bayezid by that point, per say, after all they went through, but it was clear that he knew that he had to do it, that it couldn’t have ended any other way, but he was broken over it. He was aware that it was, ultimately, a sin, which would continue haunting him. He couldn’t catch a break afterwards, he couldn’t stop. All was solved, but at what cost?}

I love his dynamic with Nurbanu - they balanced each other off so well, their chemistry was amazing, such a power couple. Nurbanu’s biggest contribution is hiding some of his flaws and mobilizing him to fight. Her cold pragmatism ,,grounds’’ Selim’s softer side, she’s there to always remind him of the stakes of the game and to shut off the last ounces of his vulnerabilities after Hurrem died. He sure is influenced by her, but that doesn’t mean that he blindly takes her word for everything - he is always ready to call her out when necessary and assure her that there are lines she shouldn’t cross. Despite of her pleas, he kept having affairs with other women (that is honestly a trend with all the men of the show, but still..), he got mad at her after what happened to Huricihan and most notably, after he found out that she possibly stole his mother’s ring. A part of why their dynamic works so well is precisely this strenght of character and their awesome compatibility. 

I have heard affirmations that Selim doesn’t care about Mustafa, which... simply isn’t true? While they have the least scenes together and Selim is the one that considers him most as a rival and his most dangerous competitor for the throne (which would explain his startled reaction after Musti saved him from the janissary), it’s precisely Mustafa’s death that is the turning point of his character arc. He was upping his game slowly but surely and before then, but he didn’t do much in terms of attacks. Neither Selim, nor Nurbanu once considered attacking Mustafa, the supposed biggest danger to them, which I find respectable and admirable. The bomb with the death drops and then every hope about a fair game is abandoned. Selim gets the realization that being honorable won’t work. The only way to win is bend the system and play dirty. There’s no time for sitting around or looking nice. And even though Nurbanu realized this, too, as well as Selim, Nurbanu was always more inclined to act this way than him and now the righteousness of her methods were only getting confirmed. It was Selim that had to reach this end. Discovering that he is no longer allowed to show any kind of weakness. Every chance that appears on the horizon, he’ll take it. That brings him to his first true dirty plan - the trap he set through the fake Mustafa rebellion.

Speaking of which, the worst deed of Selim’s for me is connected to that rebellion. I know I may be very biased in this regard, since it affects my personal favorite character and isn’t as recalled as others, but I hated when, in Selim and Sokollu’s attempts to wash their hands from the pulled off stunt, Sokollu, his man, told SS that Mahidevran was giving money to the rebellion. Okay, it’s not said outright whether is this directly tied to Selim or it was something Sokollu himself came up with out of desperation or something (though it was hinted that both thought something through in a scene where both were saying that they should come clean out of this all somehow) and it’s not outrightly confirmed whether Mahidevran gave the money or not (I highly doubt she did it; not only because it would destroy her whole S04 arc and she would become, well... MCK Gulbahar, but also because after the messenger told her of her alleged blame in E129, her eyes widened in surprise.), but all it does is be the only explicit case where Selim indeed looks bad, for his proposal to return Mahidevran in the castle doesn’t seem to stem from genuine guilt and remorse, but rather a late and empty attempt to placate his own conscience. Oh, not to mention (for the upteenth time, sorry in advance) how the scene back in E58 where Hurrem tells Mahidevran that her kids will be there taking care for her when she’s alone, which was treated as some big foreshadowing in the show, as well, by both the voice of the S02B narrative and the fandom alike, loses its value even more with that framing, because Selim and Sokollu themselves brought her to this state in the first place!!! Despite it making sense anyway, it’s still such a disservice to Selim as a person both inside and outside of the writing. 

One aspect of Selim’s pragmatism I find most interesting is his ability to turn his enemies into allies, knowing exactly how to amass them and get them on his side, be it through giving them more money and promising them the world. These alliances are all opportunistic in nature and may not be as loyal as those of Mustafa’s or of Mustafa’s people (like Atmaca) with Bayezid, but I think Selim knows this and wants to keep them steady enough for the common goal. As for what kind of a padisah he’ll be.... I believe that state matters would be the least of his concerns, since he was shown to not care so much about them, compared to his other brothers (but then again, the show itself doesn’t put the political capability of the princes at center stage - their personal virtues are always the determining factor of what makes a good padisah and what doesn’t, more of a psychological outlook, if you will.) and he perhaps won’t plan as many campaigns or conquer as many territories, maybe he won’t be that successful at all, but his cunning would bring him advantage in front of his people, he will be at least a bit careful of who he’s choosing and won’t simply lose it in front of everyone, compared to Bayezid’s impulsive temper.

[I love Bayezid as a character, but the shadier aspects of his personality sure tend to be overlooked. While his anger is directed mainly at Selim and Suleiman, it often reaches such extremes to the point it becomes destructive and affects everyone. He doesn’t deserve his execution at all and most of his actions stem from a very sympathetic place, given how SS never truly gave him a chance and he went on the inevitable path, because he, just like Selim, realized that honor won’t work in this war, but took the opposite approach from Mustafa, direct rebellion. And predictably, both approaches didn’t work since Bayezid, too, was taken advantage of. While he didn’t get justice, the lead-up to his execution is a character arc of his and there are many reasons and events linking it all together and showing us why it took place the way it did.]

Selim’s dynamic with Suleiman is proof of how you can be presumably favored, but you have to work to get there. The reasons Suleiman favored him are very telling and sad and we see that he also doesn’t favor him because of any and all capabilities he may have, but because of his self-imposed distorted view of loyalty Selim has to do a lot to preserve, actually. He constantly has to make it so it looks like he’s loyal and obedient and doesn’t work behind his back. He doesn’t get the fullest appreciation from his father, as well, and I certainly feel it impacts him, in a way.

I agree that Mihrimah could be unfair to Selim. They weren’t that close and she had this open preference to Bayezid. Most annoyingly is when, in their confrontation in E139, which highlights even more their parallel sins, Mihrimah doesn’t seem to face that sin of hers when Selim calls her out on it. She has a reason to deeply resent him after what he did to Bayezid, but was offended when he reminded her of the crime she also committed. More solidarity on that front would be a bit better, at least a hint of like recognizing like even for a moment. (but maybe then her scene with Mahidevran later wouldn’t be as impactful? Huh.)

And lastly, about his drinking - Nurbanu tried to restrict him, but it’s true that such habits aren’t easy to give up on, especially knowing how his drinking is a coping mechanism as much as it is something he enjoys. He knows he shouldn’t do it, he’s told he shouldn’t do it, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t drink when he’s planning or scheming, but he keeps on doing it more and more with every problematic action of his. It’s an attempt to supress his otherwise strong conscience to the max, seeing how after his brother’s execution he apparently always took a drink when he was alone at night, fighting an inner conflict with himself. I don’t think there was a way he could stop doing it permanently in the show. It was a part of who he was, unfortunately or not. 

[ggukkiedae]

❝𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕠𝕠𝕡❞

𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜:

⇢ Episodes 5-6

𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜:

⇢ conversations written in italics are spoken in english. requests and feedback are highly appreciated!

⇢ script form (name: lines) are the interviews

Episode 5

she was in the back oh hoseok and taehyung’s car with a book open on her lap

“makdung-ah, have a sandwich”

hoseok handed her a sandwich which she blindly reached for and nearly knocked over, making hoseok shout and taehyung shocked

“got it! i got it! sorry, i’m a mess”

she was laughing and settled back in her chair, sandwich in hand and focus on her books

she saw seokjin in his sunglasses and choked a little “hobi oppa, where’s the water?”

they were talking about taehyung’s mixtape at some point

“oppa’s music is really nice, though. the stuff you let me hear is really good, i love listening to them” “thanks, aegi”

“look at you guys and your mixtapes. am i the only one who’s going to promote solo as an idol?”

hoseok and taehyung just laughed at her “we’re your biggest fans”

“we’re heeeeeere! my trampoline!”

hoseok opened her door for her and helped her out. she took her small carriers, still two because one held all her equipment while the other held her clothes and some skincare and makeup

“is it necessary to bring work here?” jungkook asked her

“i mean, you never know when ideas will pop up, right?”

a few minutes later, you can see her running up to the cars again “my guitar’s still in the car!”

miya: honestly, i was just excited to be able to relax again. i don’t think i ever slept that much anywhere else. the oppas say it’s good for me *laughs*

the first thing she did when she got in her room was to pull her blanket from the carrier with her equipment and take her plushies out of her backpack

she put them down inside the mosquito net “alright toph, koda, time for you guys to rest from the long drive”

she ran over to the upper house “yoongi oppa! can i help with the food!” “that would be much appreciated, princess”

she’s chopping up vegetables quickly, drawing hoseok’s attention

“sometimes, i forget you’re a good cook because of how clumsy you are. hyung, you know she nearly dropped her sandwich in the car earlier?” “oppaaaa, don’t tell them thaaaat”

she was grilling some marinated pork chops in the kitchen while the older members were outside. hoseok stopped by, and she cut him a little piece for tasting

“perfect as always, makdungie”

jungkook punching the broth behind her distracted her the slightest bit by making her laugh “oppa, you’re hyperactive today”

she brought the huge dish of marinated pork out to the table and yoongi had her taste the dakgalbi

“ooooh it’s smokey, i love it!”

she made sure to get the bowl with what looked like the least amount of noodles which yoongi noticed and made up for it by giving her a lot meat

meanwhile seokjin looked at her “i still can’t believe you won’t tell us how you make the marinade for your pork” “that’s a secret between me and yoonsungie oppa”

she ran off after eating saying she had to brush her teeth

right after she did, she ended up sitting by the deck with her guitar playing random melodies and writing them down

seokjin surprised her by arriving and going straight into the canoe

“oppa?” “i hit a ball into the lake by accident” “well, looks like a home run”

she laughed when his canoe hit the deck before setting her guitar down and helping him out of it

“oh god, i’m sleepy”

she headed up to the main house with seokjin where jungkook was half asleep

she settled next to him and somehow they made themselves fit into the small bench. they just passed out despite the other members being quite loud

hoseok and seokjin were trying to wake the two maknaes up. seokjin picked her up from jungkook’s grasp and she just ended up wrapping her limbs around him and burying her face in his neck and going back to sleep

“oppa,” she mumbled while seokjin was hitting jungkook with the foam roller, “this game is so violent. and loud. and making you move a lot”

“aigoo, you two won’t be sleeping in the boat house later at this rate”

next you see of her, she’s in the kitchen whisking eggs and talking to herself

“this whole process can’t be aired to protect my fried chicken recipe,” she looked at the nearest camera “please keep it a secret, editor-nims”

while jungkook is filleting the fish, they overlay the sound of her frying the chicken

“simple fried chicken when done well is worth a lot”

seokjin walked in, yoongi close after

“oppas, i’m making chicken! what else are we having for dinner?”

seokjin patted her head “you did well, princess. what about doenjang jjigae?” “oh, sounds good!”

yoongi helped her bring the plates of fried chicken out to the table which she began to set for them

jungkook hopped out to have her taste some of the sushi making her grin

then he threw her over his shoulder

“stop hovering over the chicken and come inside to help taste stuff!” “but the bugs!”

she ended up inside tasting yoongi’s jjigae

she stayed off to the side mixing a bunch of sauces together for the chicken if the others wanted to flavor it

jungkook came and playfully put some of the honey soy sauce on the sushi and tried it

“wah, hold on, that’s actually good” “oppa, save the sauce for the chicken!” “there’s also garlic parmesan and teriyaki!”

miya: it felt nice to have a lot of us in the kitchen. there were so many things going on both creative wise and, well, cooking wise. i usually cook alone at the dorms or with one other person, but being with a lot of people gives it a more chaotic but homey feel. it’s… it’s a very warm feeling”

there were compliments passed around for the chicken, sushi, and soup and she just had the biggest grin on her face while eating

seokjin placed a small plate in front of her “these pieces don’t have wasabi, so you can eat it”

“let’s have yoonmi’s marinated fried chicken tomorrow!” “oh, good. i already marinated them in the fridge for tomorrow, anyway”

yoongi pulled the soju bottle away from her “that means no drinking tonight, princess. we want you awake in time to cook lunch”

she headed for the boat house after dinner

Episode 6

jimin popped into her room while she was settling herself in bed. he crawled into her mosquito net with her and began tucking her in

“i haven’t done this in a while”

miya: jiminnie oppa had a habit of tucking me in before sleeping back when i was younger. we got older, though, and i started staying in the studio later, so he never got to do it much anymore. it was pretty nostalgic, and i felt like i was fourteen or fifteen again

“i though jinnie oppa wanted to play baseball with you” “i told him i’d come back after checking in on you”

he settled her plushies on either side of her head which made her giggle

“you’re growing up way too fast, aegi. i can’t believe you’re an adult now” “i guess so”

he kissed her forehead “you’re still our makdungie, though. sleep well, alright?”

she smiled at him “good night, oppa”

jimin: i think i didn’t enjoy yoonmi’s childhood enough. one minute, she’s a little kid who barely reached my chest. the next, she’s twenty years old, a successful actress and soloist alongside being in bangtan, and she has a boyfriend, too. i know she’s still my baby, but i feel like time flew by way too fast

the next day, she walked into the upper house kitchen to find seokjin and yoongi cooking. she was still rubbing her eyes, and her hair was a mess

“aigoo, our princess is still sleepy”

she walked right into seokjin’s arms and closed her eyes while he slightly rubbed her back

“should i cook the marinated fried chicken?”

yoongi patted her head “we have a lot of dakgalbi, it’s okay”

she settled on the table facing yoongi while he grilled, chin in her hands as she tried to stay awake on the table

yoongi woke her up and placed a fork in her hand knowing she’s too sleepy to properly use chopsticks

she ate in silence, eyes half-closed

jimin chuckled at her “sleep well last night, aegi” “mhmm yes, oppa”

when they finished lunch, she headed straight for the common area in the main house with her book

she sat reading in between jungkook and namjoon while they painted

“oppas, how’s the weather gonna be today?” “really nice, apparently”

she closed her book for a while before getting up. she silently made her way over to the boat house where she started doing her hair and makeup.

“i’ve got to do a self-photoshoot before i let the nice weather go to waste”

a few minutes later, she’s out on the deck with her phone on a tripod on video mode. she sets it up and presses record before posing by the fence

“god, i hope this comes out pretty”

she moves around a little before checking her phone

“ooooh these are kinda good. okay let me put on a dress and take pictures by the flowers”

jungkook glances at the view again a few minutes later and lets out a laugh when he sees yoonmi in a dress all done up and posing in front of her phone

“i didn’t think she’d actually do the self-photoshoot”

nearly twenty minutes later, she’s back in her loungewear in between namjoon and jungkook taking screenshots of herself from her mini self-photoshoot

she looked up and just watched jungkook paint

“it’s amazing how you can just do that” “i’ll teach you if you want to try” “maybe tomorrow”

she headed inside the common room and continued reading in there

when the sun started to set, she headed over to her room to put her book down

she washed off her makeup and headed up to the upper house

[abirdonalilactree]

First gay ship I watched that actually became canon. (kinda toxic tho-)

Y'all remember the first time you saw your gay ship become canon? I suppose for many of you it was Supernatural. 

For me it was back in 2013 when the series finale of Rules of Engagement came out, which is pretty early if you are talking about gay stuff. Not only did we get a slowburn spanning over several seasons, it also ended in a gay wedding.

In this essay I will talk about why this ship is so important to me and why it also was toxic as feck.

The show is about two couples and their single friend, all at different stages in their relationships, deal with the complications of dating, commitment, and marriage. From season three on, there kinda is a slow burn until season seven ends with the two unmarried couples getting married as well.

What started as a horrible boss messing with his assistant turned into a surprising love story.

 I'm not sure why I came back to this series after so many years in the first place. Some of the jokes are quite offensive so here is a warning for that. But on the other hand, all episodes are up on YouTube for free soo… Right now, in the September of 2021 we have exactly 20 fics on Ao3 by amazing authors. We are a really small fandom. The show ended in 2013 but like three or four people are still here.

Let me introduce the main characters:

The married couple consists of Jeff and Audrey Bingham. Jeff has been a financial manager and husband of Audrey since 1995. He has a rather deadpan, cold and sardonic personality and sense of self, particularly when dealing with Russell and Adam, but he is not sadistic or unkind, thereby rendering these traits as merely ironic and biting humor. He loves sports, shuns anything that might resemble sensitivity and often views his marriage as a competition or war, refusing to let Audrey "win" the upper hand at anything.

Audrey is an editor at Indoor Living magazine before later resigning and the assertive, modern wife of Jeff. She tolerates her husband's insensitivity because she knows he is not malicious and will do whatever it takes to make the situation right once he realizes his mistake. As a couple, they both can be very condescending and manipulative towards each other, in order to gain the upper hand, and typically don't like to concede to the other that they were wrong.

Adam Rhodes, a sensitive and well-meaning, but extremely naive and super extremely stupid, co-worker of Russell and Timmy, and Jennifer's fiancé throughout the series until they are married in the series finale. He is a neighbor of Jeff and Audrey, looks up to Jeff, and often acts on Jeff's relationship advice -This usually results in making the situation worse for himself. Jennifer Morgan is the fiancée and eventual wife of Adam, who endures his faults because of his good looks. She is very self-conscious of him, and will often try to spare him from embarrassment.

Timir "Timmy" Patel was introduced in season 3 and became a season regular from season 4-7. He first appears when Russell hires him as his assistant.  Although he is fluent in seven languages and holds an MBA, Timmy is often forced to do menial work or to solve Russell's trivial problems which often annoys Timmy. While many of Russell's schemes disgust him, Timmy will often see them through so that he can enjoy Russell's deserved penalty. 

Russell Dunbar on the other hand is wealthy, only due to his trust fund, which he uses to impress and seduce women. He is presented as a seedy and sleazy man who only cares about how many women he can get. However, it is shown that he has a softer side. His relationships within the group are seemingly conflicted, many of the group dislike his behaviour and mock him, as they do everyone else, but it seems that he expresses just as much distaste for them as he does not choose to invite them places unless he needs them to. Through Timmy, he is analysed by a psychiatrist to have sociopathic tendencies which explains his destructive behaviour.

He is also self absorbed and immature.

...But the thing is sometimes he isn’t.

While all three relationships show a lot of signs of toxicity, Timmy and Russell’s relationship is certainly the most destructive one. Which is mostly Russell’s fault.

But let me show you.

From a psychological point of view, their relationship ticks most of the boxes of a toxic relationship.

Toxic communication

Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of their conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. Yet sometimes kindness is in fact seeking through.

Jealousy

There is so, so much jealousy going on. Russell really does everything to not allow Timmy to get together with a woman. Although only as the show goes on, it becomes clear that Russell is jealous because he has fallen for Timmy.

Controlling behaviors

Russell is questioning where Timmy is all the time or becoming overly upset when he doesn’t immediately answer texts are both signs of controlling behavior, which can contribute to toxicity in a relationship. And it gets so much worse than that. But more to that later.

Resentment

Yes.

Dishonesty

Yes. ALL the time.

Patterns of disrespect

Being chronically late, casually “forgetting” events, and other behaviors that show disrespect for each other's time are a red flag. This makes it red flag number six. 

Constant stress

A normal amount of tension runs through every relationship, but finding oneself constantly on edge is an indicator that something’s off. Yet another red flag.

This ongoing stress can take a toll on the physical and emotional health of a person. Which is one hundred percent happening.

Ignoring needs

Going along with whatever one partner wants to do, even when it goes against the wishes or comfort level of the other one. From his first episode in the show on, Timmy is forced to do absurd stuff he doesn’t want to do and honestly no one should do for their boss.

Lost relationships

Stopping to spend time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with a partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in the relationship.

Hoping for change

One might stay in a relationship because they see the other person’s potential or think that if they just change themselves and their actions, their partner will change as well. And it’s the little moments when Russell shows for only moments the tiniest bit of being a good person that make Timmy stay with him.

Walking on eggshells

One worries that by bringing up problems, they’ll provoke extreme tension, so they become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to themselves.

Lack of support however is arguably not always one of their problems. But we’ll come back to that.

And still, they share their sweet moments.

The following clip, made by CBS itself shows really well how it is for them to work with each other.

https://youtu.be/GfPI3HgMYoI

And then there is character development. Here the group of friends talks about Jeff lying to his wife about another friends bachelor party because he doesn’t want to spend time with her aunt.

https://youtu.be/LQPIFcrBltQ

Russell doesn't want to get married, clearly. This clip also conveys pretty well how horrible those people are. 

There is this tension and the gay jokes. This clip also shows really well how manipulative Russell -tries- to be.

https://youtu.be/XkdycXzX4ag

And then there are moments like these: In season 6 Timmy wanted to impress a woman who only wants to date singers so Russell teaches him how to play the guitar with the ulterior motive of Timmy embarrassing himself in front of the whole company. This idea backfires when Russell realises that he can’t watch Timmy suffer like that and he joins on stage and they start this duet that’s like super gay.

https://youtu.be/UH3P_LfBBQo

To be with you by Mr Big is an interesting choice of song. -Not only because it’s quite romantic but also because the lyrics seem to be surprisingly fitting at second glance.

Let’s analyze it because Music is an important aspect.

“One of the great unrequited love songs, "To Be With You" has a true story behind it. Mr. Big lead singer Eric Martin wrote the song when he was still a teenager - 16 or 17 in his estimation. The girl was Patricia Reynolds, and he had it bad for her.

"We were really, really good friends," Martin said in a Songfacts interview. "I was totally enamored with this woman. She was beautiful. Smart. I mean, brains, beauty, break down the walls, made me crawl on my belly like a reptile!

I just loved this woman, but she just wanted to be my friend. She'd have tons of boyfriends, and maybe she misconstrued promiscuity for love. But I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. That's what I was, a knight in shining armor. But basically, I didn't get my feet wet. I wrote it about how I would have done anything to just be more than a friend and a confidante."”

-https://www.songfacts.com/facts/mr-big/to-be-with-you

So much to the history of the song. Do you see the parallels? Do you see them? Do you?

Anyway. When Russell joins Timmy on the stage, he starts with the lines:

Build up your confidence

So you can be on top for once

Wake up, who cares about

Little boys that talk too much

I think this has to be taken literally. Not sure how much I should go into detail here. 

This however brings us back to the point of support from our list earlier.

I've seen it all go down

The game of love was all rained out

So come on baby, come on over

Let me be the one to hold you

I'm the one who wants to be with you (I'm the one, yeah)

Deep inside I hope you feel it too (feel it too)

Waited on a line of greens and blues (waited on a line yeah)

Just to be the next to be with you

That’s kinda Gay.

There are jokes all over the seasons that Timmy and Russell are gay but it becomes most clear that Russell is in love with Timmy, in the last season, when Timmy leaves to go on vacation and Russell misses him so much that he gets a girlfriend and turns her into a copy of Timmy.

Things get worse when Timmy finds out that Russell completely lost his marbles and chipped him to always know his whereabouts. This finally makes Timmy leave the company and get a new job where he finally gets treated with respect. It is shown how they miss each other despite everything. But then Timmy loses his work Visa which turns out to be completely Russell’s fault.

Right after Jenn and Adam marry in the last episode, Russell proposes to Timmy so he can stay in America but it becomes clear that there is more than his conscience that made him do this.

Russell turning his girlfriend into Timmy. (There is no heterosexual explanation for this):

https://youtu.be/sX1xTybc6vI

Timmy finding out how much Russell really stalks him. (like. he is totally in love with him):

https://youtu.be/jPWKdwpXCLU

Their Wedding (seems pretty gay to me):

https://youtu.be/Ymp-zaTmnD8

 You need to see the whole show as it is. A bunch of horrible people that are made fun of.

Furthermore you could argue that they don’t actually kiss. But maybe marriage is even more meaningful. 

I suppose that since we get so little representation, we like to clasp onto everything we can get. Because when I watched this I was too young to understand how offensive the shit they talk about really is. But after all it meant a lot to my gay little heart.

So many years later I gotta say that it needs to be said that it’s a toxic relationship after all. Don’t try it at home. Don’t try it with your boss or assisstant.

In the end it’s a green card marriage. But there is this whole arch of Russell falling in love with Timmy. Most clearly in the last three episodes but also starting a lot earlier. It’s a slow burn after all. It’s never said out loud but we got two bisexual characters right there.

Now I’m asking around my friends what their first gay ship was that became canon. The results really show that we don’t get enough representation in series. Just wow.

Hannigram became canon. kinda. They jumped off a cliff together instead of kissing. That one dude from supernatural you guys keep talking about got sent to super gay hell after confessing.

What I want to say is I just wanna see a healthy gay ship become canon some day.

Thanks for reading!

...So what was your first gay ship that became canon? 

[dex-xe]

Ghosts watch the Euros?

Am I about to write 1000 words of cringe about dead fictional characters watching a football tournament?? yes I am and I'm thrilled!! XD

This primarily focusses on Pat btw but most of the ghosts feature a bit too.

So basically Alison didn’t really care that much about the Euros before they started, Mike however was decently optimistic regarding Engliand’s chances but isn’t the world’s biggest sport fan. But one evening they’re all watching TV and stuff and then there’s one of those animated ads that play before any major sports competition starts and Pat sees it and gets incredibly excited.

He hasn’t been able to watch a major football tournatment (live) since he was alive because Heather never had sport on at all. He begs Alison that he gets control of the TV during England matches and after using the whole “pleasseeeee I’m no trouble, I don’t usually ask for much!” Alison agrees to adjust the TV rota, much to the others ghosts disgust (the Captain is peeved about his afternoon day time TV History Channel documentaries being overwritten, and Fanny’s evening period dramas often get pushed aside but Alison eventually manages to use the Sky Box to rearrange everything for them).

For most of the group stages it’s just Pat watching, Mike will occassionally sit in but is genrally on his phone. Julian will also offer the occassional comment which Pat just rolls his eyes at and tells him to go back to his computer games. Also Pat is amazed just quite how young the team is but I digress.

So once it becomes apparent that England are doing surprisingly well (and Mike’s mates stop talking about anything else at the pub) Mike starts paying attention and by extension Alison sits in bringing multiple ghosts in her wake.

Kitty doesn’t like the idea of competition much and just wants people to have fun, she gets upset when people get kicked out but congratulats them for doing their very best. Thomas however, stands behind the sofa muttering about how it’s a barbaric sport and the lowest form of entertainment (“Polo!! Now that takes real skill!!)

The Captain wasn’t much of a football fan in life (cricket was much more his bag) but he’ll gladly sit and enjoy some friendly competition, anything he can get these days to be proud of his country. Robin doesn’t understand organised competition much but he quite like the idea of playing a game like that, he kinda misses running around and burning of energy, physical performance was super important for hunting when he was alive.

Anyway, once England makes it into the quarters (and Mike claims to have been totally invested from the beginning) Mike and Alison both start to get more and more involved, they decide to buy England flags and bunting to put across the front of the house - much to the Captain’s pleasure cause it reminds him a bit of VE Day.

Alison does actually manage to convince everyone to gather round for the final - even Fanny who literally couldn’t care less is overwhelmed with patriotism and hovers in a nearby armchair. Pat parks himself on the floor right in front of the TV so he can hear the commentary even when the others are rambling on about their analysis of the game (their analysis is incredibly poor given they’ve been dead for centuries - Kitty announces that the strikers should “use thier hips more” and no one is quite sure what that means but Thomas does suggest sending correspondence to Southgate to give him that advice.)

Anyway (I keep going off on tangents) the final obviously begins with England scoring mad quick which erupts the TV room into cheers. Mike jumps up to celebrate and puts his foot into where Pat is also sat cheering - Alison has to catch him around the waist to pull him back towards the sofa to stop Pat from gagging.

Pat then starts going on about how, with a start like that, there’s no way England can lose now. Julian rains on his parade very quickly and tells him worse things have happened and Alison jokes about what a show off Julian will be if he’s right and England lose… (Julian is obviously incredibly patriotic and wants England to win but he wants to be right much more).

Thomas quickly begins to think of himself as an expert at this “pauper’s sport” and starts to shout the generic “I know nothing about football but don’t want people to question me” phrases (“they had better begin playing it forward more, they shan’t achieve anything with cowardice like this!!)

They remain kinda optimistic going into the second half apart from Pat who is potentially the only one who recognises England slolwy losing control - but, much like with his scouts, his puts on his usual optimistic front to stop the team from becoming deflated (the team can’t hear him becuase a) he’s not at Wembley and b) he’s been dead four decades but it’s just his natural reaction).

As soon as Italy score, that’s when the deflation starts to set in. They all become slightly quieter until England start mounting an attack and then the shouting begins again.

Pat tries to explain the concept of extra time to the others but few understand and begin suggesting their own tie break ideas. Kitty suggests a draw would be better, everybody wins. Fanny suggests someone should concede (she doesn;t specifiy who but it’s very much implied). Robin’s idea is to continue with extra time then release a bear onto the pitch at a random point “for the drama” (I would watch that though).

But no, Pat and Mike are both very quiet throughout extra time. Thomas is thrilled because he believes Southgate has listened to his ongoing generic advice to “bring on Grealish” - realistically he’s peeved Love Island isn’t on, he likes to make fun of it and announce repeatedly how “the modern world has no concept of love!!”

Once it gets to penalties Kitty is off. She can’t stand the tension and covers her eyes to avoid having to watch somebody lose in this way. Mary sits beside her on the sofa petting her hair like “ooh cry not, ’tis but a game child” which really doesn’t help the mood. After every single shot, there’s just a little burst of gasps and strangled noises from everyone except Pat who is just waiting and praying that his first tournament in 40 years is going to be a dramatic win.

When England (spoilers from over a month ago) lose, silence falls across the room before Julian finally breaks it: “I don’t mean to say I told you so but…” he is interrupted VERY quickly by shouting from everyone else. Eyes quickly fall on Pat who hasn’t said anything since the penalties began, he hadn;t even turned to look at anyone else yet. He slowly stood up and said with a very fake smile “well it was a deserved win… if you’ll excuse me” and then he fazes through the wall behind him never to be seen again.

“Julian, that really was uncalled for,” Alison tells him. Pat seems normal for the next few days but most people can tell he’s very disappointed, especially as Mike has to get the ladder out again to do the really sad “flag taking down ceremony” everyone did the day after.

Pat’s finally brought out of his slump by Kitty who asks him what he would do if his scouts failed at something - he says he’d tell them they did really well for trying their best and give them some tips to improve. “Exactly,” Kitty says. “You’d still be proud of what they achieved, right?” All the ghosts are pretty excited by the prospect of a world cup next year.

So there we go,, cheers for the ask!! I apologise for this being cringe as fuck and I really hope it gets to the right people XD I’m having a day of trying to finish as many projects as I can over the next few days before series 3 so I can essentially start afresh after the new episodes are out - I know I’m going to have a lot of ideas and inspiration.

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

No doubt in my mind where I belong

Ok, so I've been thinking about this one for a while and anyone who follows me will know just how incensed I still am at the whole 'Paddy locking Aaron in his own house' episode, so this is my attempt at trying to make it just a little more bearable. I've had to rejig the whole going on the run thing so canon as it was pretty much stops when Vic walks in to tell them that L** is dead.

I've used some of the dialogue from the ep itself, but yeah, I've tried to make it better.

(A03 link)

When he was a kid he caught the end of one of those dramas about the apocalypse and it scared him. He’d gone downstairs late one night, wanting some water and he’d peeked through to door to see his Mum and Dad watching it. For weeks after he’d had nightmares of the world ending and him being all alone. When it actually happens though, it’s not with a bang or anything so dramatic. In reality it’s two little words that bring his world crumbling down around him.

“Lee’s dead.”

The room is perfectly quiet at Vic’s words, as if none of them quite know what to do. All he can see is Robert’s panicked face. They both know what this means. It means a murder charge, at best manslaughter. It means Robert going to prison, possibly for years.

Then Robert’s talking, his voice carrying through the fog of panic that’s filling his head.

“If anyone’s going then it’s me on my own.”

He stares at him, their silent conversation telling him everything. His next words are the truth, he’s useless without him. There’s no question that he’s staying behind

From then it’s a rush, making sure Seb’s taken care of, that Vic will take him back to Rebecca and try to explain, packing enough clothes for the night, they don’t have time for anything else. When he comes out of the bathroom, hands full of stuff they might need he finds Robert sitting on the bed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Is this the right thing?”

“Yeah. There’s no other choice. Robert we don’t have time. We have to go.”

“We won’t get anywhere, you don’t think they’ll have my name everywhere as soon as they can? How will we even get out of the country?”

“Look, let’s just get out of here first and then we’ll sort it. If we stay here the police will come and then we’ll have no choice. If we leave we have a chance.”

“I should go on my own. You don’t need to be dragged into this.” He shakes his head, there’s no way, the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. “I mean it. Your family, the scrapyard, I’d be dragging you away from it all because I was stupid.”

“You’re my husband, you think that stops just because things get tough? I meant those vows you know. Now come on, get packed.”

Even in his wildest dreams he hadn’t thought it would be so hard to say goodbye to Seb. He tries to say everything he needs to while the little boy plays with his trucks. The little boy he’d once thought he could never love, who had won him over the minute he held him. Would he ever remember them, would he hate them for leaving him like this? He presses a kiss to the top of his hair and then makes his excuses about sorting the two cars because he can’t watch Robert say goodbye to his son.

By the time Robert’s done his Mum and Paddy are there and he makes the goodbyes as quick as he can but of course his Mum doesn’t want him to go, using the baby to try and stop him, demanding he doesn’t leave. He says the only thing he can.

“I choose Robert.”

—————

It was idyllic, the sun coming through the trees, the only noise the birds singing and the distant hum of traffic.. It really was idyllic. If he closed his eyes he could imagine they were on a picnic, the three of them, Seb taking a nap after wearing himself out exploring, he and Robert enjoying the quiet. Instead he’s looking around expecting the police to jump out any second. They’d driven for an hour, far enough away that they wouldn’t be found quickly, driving the cars down a track that looked like it hadn’t been used for years, deep enough that it couldn’t be seen easily, and now they were waiting, sat in the woods like they had years before.

"So we're agreed?" Robert asks breaking the silence. They’d talked this over so many times and there was no other way.

"Yeah." They needed to get out of the country and to do that they needed passports. Robert’s contacts had come up blank, leaving Aaron with no choice but to call Cain. Now it was all set. "I'll go and get the passports from Cain and more of our stuff, then meet you. Cain can pick up the car we leave later.”

"And you're really sure? Because it's asking a lot I know and I won't...if you wanted to stay."

"I'm sure." It wasn't even a question. No one got it, not his Mum, not Liv, no one. He thinks maybe Cain comes the closest. He had to be with Robert. Couldn't even contemplate letting him go. “Like I said, useless without ya, aren’t I?”

“I know but…we can never come back Aaron. Can you really handle not seeing Liv again, or your Mum or the baby?”

“I can’t handle not seeing you again. I’m not saying it’ll be easy but there isn’t a choice. Throughout our lives together remember. That wasn’t just about the easy bits.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Stuck with me now though.” Robert grins, the first one since they’d heard the news and he smiles back. “Right, so you find somewhere near the port then text me.”

“Right.”

“I’ll find you and then we’re gone.” It sounded so so simple, he could only hope it was that easy in reality.

"Then it’ll be me, you, little chateau, by the river maybe.” It sounds like a dream.

“We could even get a little veg patch."

"Fancy yourself in a pair of wellies do you?" Robert's laughing and for a few seconds he revels in it, the normality, before he sobers. "We're really doing this aren't we?"

"Looks that way."

"And it doesn't matter that we'll have nothing?”

“Are you forgetting I’ve done this before.” There was some kind of joke in there, going on the run twice in a lifetime. “ been there done it, got the criminal record

“You had Ed then.”

“Yeah, for all the help he was. Spent most of the first month panicking every time he saw a uniform. The security guard at the local supermarket nearly gave him a heart attack. At least you’ve got a bit of sense about you.”

“Cheers.”

“Listen to me, I don’t care what I have as long as I’m with you. What about you? I mean you're leaving behind just as much as I am."

"I don't have any choice though. I can’t handle prison Aaron, I know it. Anyway, I’d rather live out my days living my best life with you with nothing than not have you at all. But you, you have a choice.” He pretends not to hear the wobble in his voice because this is where they are now, they've made the choice. No going back.

“No I don’t.” They go back to sitting in silence, waiting, thinking, until his phone lights up. He picks up his phone. "It's Cain. He's got them.”

“That was fast.”

“Amazing what you can get if you offer enough money.”

"You're sure going back to the village is safe? Why couldn’t he meet you somewhere else.”

“I don’t know, there’s something up with him. I’ll be fine, I’ll be in and out. They can't get me on anything anyway. The worst they can do is hold me up but like I said, you wait twenty four hours and if I'm not there you go, however you can.”

"But..."

"No. You go. I mean it Robert you get away. I'll find you. Don't you dare do anything stupid like giving yourself up."

"Yes boss.” He takes a minute, just in case, to drink him in and then he’s getting up, kissing him, lingering as long as he dares before he leaves.

—————

He's halfway home when Cain calls telling him he's held up and to wait, that he's sending them over with Billy. Aaron rolls his eyes at that, him of all people. Whatever is going on with his uncle better be worth it.

He's sat at the edge of the village not daring to go any further until he has to, for all his bravado in front of Robert, he doesn't much fancy being hauled in by the police, even if they couldn't actually prove he'd helped Robert in any way. It would just waste time. Time they didn't have.

After he’s met Billy and got the passports and the cash Cain has managed to get together, he goes to the house, wanting to grab enough to tide them over for a few days. Sentimental it might be but he threw a few pictures of Seb in too alongside their wedding album. At least they’d have the memories wherever they ended up. As he’s zipping up the bag he hears the door slam downstairs.

"Hello?" Instantly on edge he grabs the bag making his way to the top of the stairs, half expecting find a police firearm in his face. Instead he finds Paddy standing between the stairs and the door. "Paddy, what is it? I don't have a lot of time."

"I saw Billy.” Fucking Billy, he should’ve known he'd mess it up.

"I don't need this." He goes to walk past him, cursing Cain, but Paddy stops him, and that's when he sees Liv sat at the table. "Paddy get out of the way,"

"Listen to him Aaron."

"I know what he wants to say and I gave you my answer this morning. I choose Robert. Now move, I need to go."

“No. I can’t let you do this to your mother. Not when she’s in the state she is.” There it was the tone he was so used to, like he was a naughty child. He wasn’t that person any more.

“She’s pregnant Paddy, and everything is fine so there’s no need for the dramatics. Did she send you?”

“No, but she’ll probably know by now. I told Marlon.”

“Terrific. Why not just send an email to Hotten nick. So, what are you going to do about it? And what's your part in all this?" He switches his attention to his sister, suddenly mute in the corner.

“I’m trying to help you see sense.”

“Liv, don’t do this. You told us this morning, you said we should go.” All he gets is a shrug.

“I changed my mind, I don’t want you to go. At least let us talk. You didn’t even give us a proper chance to say goodbye.”

"You understand that the police could’ve turned up any minute night? Did you want me to throw a party?"

"Aaron."

"What!" He turns back to Paddy. "You know what. I don't have time for this. Robert's waiting."

"You're really going to throw your life away. for him?" The sneering tone whenever he talks about Robert is back. Had it ever gone away or had he just ignored it. “You won’t be able to come back. Can you really do that, give up everything? Everything you’ve managed to build up here, the life you have?”

“That’s what you don’t understand.He is my life! Nothing else matters except for him.”

“You’re about to do the most stupid thing imaginable. For him. He killed someone Aaron."

"A rapist. Don't you ever try and tell me I should feel sorry for someone like him. Robert did the world a favour and if you didn't hate him you'd admit it."

"He broke the law and just like always he thinks he can just get away with it,”

"You call this getting away with it? He wishes he was surprised that Paddy was behaving like this but he wasn't. "He's giving up everything, his business, his home, his family, his son. You think that's easy?"

"Maybe he should've thought about that before he killed someone. Maybe Seb will be better off." Aaron can't help himself, steps up in Paddy's face ignoring Liv's protests and it takes everything he’s got not to push him out of the way. Only because it’s him does he not give into the urge.

“Whatever you think about Robert even you can’t deny he’s a good Dad. The best Dad, so don’t even go there.” He bends to pick up the bag again. “I’m done. I need to go, so are you going to let me pass?”

"No. You're staying here until you see sense.” Paddy nods at Liv and she finally moves. He frowns as all she does is go to the kitchen window. It takes a few seconds to realise she’s locking them.

"You're not serious?"

“Every door and every window is locked. I love you Aaron, you’re not going to get your own way. I'm not letting you ruin you life over him.”

"So you're keeping me prisoner?” He’s going to wake up in a minute and find this is some kind of drug induced nightmare he’s sure of it.

"If necessary."

"For how long?” They can’t be serious. Any minute now they’re going to laugh and send him on his way because he’s having a hard time believing that people he loves would do this to him.

"As long as it takes.”

"Best get comfy forever then because the second your back is turned I'm gone.” He’s not quick enough to stop Paddy moving past him and he can only watch as he throws the keys into the waste disposal.

“Oh that was clever. So tell me, how are you going to get out?”

“I’ll think about that when you’re not being so stupid.” He sits in the chair he’s moved to in front of the door, the one he picked out, the one they argued over because it didn’t match the sofa and Robert hated, the one he insisted on because it was big enough for both of them to sit in if they were really close.

“I’m being stupid? You’ve just locked three adults in a house and thrown the keys away. Real mature that. Now you’ve had your fun, but I’m done. You either let me leave or I’m callin’ the police.”

“Go ahead. I doubt they’ll let you go any more than I will.” He just stares at him, wondering where the Paddy he used to know had gone. The one who had seen him through one of the toughest times in his life, who had sat by his hospital bed when he’d thought there was no point in carrying on. The person in front of him wasn’t that man, he didn’t know who this was.

“I’ll have to take my chance won’t I?”

”Aaron. Don't be ridiculous. You’ll go to prison!”

“Fine. Not like I’m going to have a life here is it? If you’re willing to stand by and let me go back there then so be it.” He’s bluffing, it’d kill him he knows it would, but maybe just maybe it’ll bring them to their senses.

“He’s not worth ruining your life over!”

“See that's what you don't get. He is my life. Without him…without him I don’t have anything.” He ignores the cry coming from Liv. He didn’t mean to hurt her but he’s only speaking the truth. Without Robert he’d merely be existing.

He knows exactly how it would go, a repeat of the months after they broke up. The sympathetic looks would last for so long and then their tactics would change, the odd mentions of cute guys, of how he should get out more, how Robert wouldn’t want him wasting his life. He wouldn’t be able to cope with it, not again.

He has to come up with something, he was wasting time here, and they weren’t going to budge he knew that, but he had to get out. He’s frantically trying to think where there might be a spare key hidden. Robert was obsessive about them losing their keys so he had them stashed everywhere but right now his brain is so muddled he can’t remember where he put them.

“Seeing sense are you?”

“No, just trying to work out how to get out without hurting you.”

“You can’t. And besides we can’t let you. You’ll see we’re right in the end. You know the police, they’d think he masterminded this. All you’re doing is adding time to his sentence when they catch you, which they will.”

“We’ll be long gone by then.”

“You and Robert against the world? Do you think that’s going to last forever, that you’re not going to resent each other for everything you’ve had to give up.” They’re wrong and he wants to shout it from the rooftops. He doesn’t have anything to give up that’s worth more than Robert and if they’re together then nothing else would matter.

“This is our only option you know, I’m not choosing this.”

“But Robert did. Robert chose the day he ignored you and Victoria, the day he went out and attacked Lee, just like I did the day I went to Pierce’s office and smacked him one for what he did to Rhona.”

“There you go. He was just protecting his sister.”

“But she didn’t want that Aaron. Can’t you see, this is what he does! He always has to get his own way! It was all about him, and what he wanted. I was the same, it was about my need to do something. Ended up nearly ruining the court case for Rhona in the end.”

“Yeah, well Vic didn’t even get a court case did she?”

“That’s not the point and you know it. He still killed someone, someone’s son, someone’s brother.”

“Paddy you really are mental if you think I’m going to feel one ounce of sympathy for a rapist.”

“Aaron, he’s not a hero. He’s selfish, and he’s reckless and I know you don’t want to hear this but if he valued your marriage even half as much as you do…”

“Oh Paddy will you just be quiet. You know nothing about our marriage. The only time you bother with us is to tell us what we’re doing wrong or when Mum drags you. I get it, you don’t like him.

“And why is that? He’s turned you against us, me and your Mum.”

“No, no. You’ve done that yourself. Do you think he didn’t tell me what you said before our first wedding? When we broke up? Always in his ear like an annoying little flea aren’t you, whispering your poison. Whatever you say isn’t going to change anything, you might as well save your breath.”

“This is the man who tried to kill me. Twice. He cheated on you. He had a child with someone else and then forced you to take him on. He’s not yours Aaron and he never will be, not really.” That hurt, even now after all this time, because it’s true, in reality he’ll never have any claim on Seb. He knows that if this goes wrong, if Robert ends up in prison he’ll lose the both of them.

“No. You stop right there. I love Seb. You know you’re so obsessed with biology and yet you reckon I’m your son.” He shrugs, biting his thumb nail. “When was the last time you saw Leo?”

“What?” Finally he thinks he’s managed to wrong foot him, sitting there with his head tilted to one side, a habit that Aaron hadn’t realised was so annoying until today.

“When did you last see Leo. You do remember him don’t you? Nearly nine years old, blonde, you used to call him your son.”

“That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair is you lecturing me on all of Robert’s wrongs when you're not so squeaky clean yourself are you. Now you’re with Mum you barely want to know Leo. I suppose I should be thankful you still speak to me, although right now I’d rather you weren’t.”

“Aaron, why are you being so horrible? Paddy’s always looked out for you.”

“Has he Liv? Really? Where was he when I was going through the worst thing a person can go through? When I had to take my own father to court, to stand up in front of strangers and tell them what he did to me? Where was he?”

“Wait a minute…”

“No. He’s so keen to talk about Robert’s failings, but Robert was there. He listened to me, he let me talk, he didn’t lecture or tell me what was best for me. He stood by me the whole way through, he was there in court by my side every day.” He stands up and leans over Paddy, hands clutching the leather of the chair. “You, you turned up what twice and then as soon as it was over you upped and left me to it because you’d been found out after having an affair. That’s not what a Dad does.”

“You didn’t want me near you if you remember.”

“Because you’d had an affair! Something you keep crucifying Robert over. Face it Paddy, you’re a hypocrite. You hold everyone to such a high standard and yet you can’t even meet it yourself. If you truly loved me like you say you do you’d have been there anyway. I told Robert to do one numerous times and yet he was still there.”

“Oh Robert’s so perfect isn’t he?”

“I’ve never said that, no one is perfect, but he doesn’t stand on the moral high ground like you do lording it over everyone.”

“And yet he’s got you going on the run, away from your family. You can face the truth or not Aaron but he’s the one who’s put you here, all because he couldn’t control his temper."

“Whatever. I don’t need to hear this, just move.”

“No!” He’s shouting now, getting up out of the chair grabbing at his arm.

“Don’t be stupid Paddy.”

“Why, what you going to do? You gonna hit me?”

“No.” He’s so close all those old feelings of being trapped flooding back and doesn’t know if he can stop it. For all he’s better now, it’s still there.

“Well that’s the only way you’re going to get past me isn’t it?” It’s the hand on the shoulder that shakes him out of it, swings round so fast only to see Liv’s shocked face looking back at him.

“This is what he does you see Liv, lashes out, so he doesn’t have to listen, so he can turn it into a fight”

“You’re the one pushing me to it, and you know it.”

“Cos you know we’re right, like the last time you decided to beat me up.”

“Paddy stop it, that’s not fair.” He actually can’t believe he’s brought that up. He’s changed, surely he knows that. He’s not that petrified kid anymore.

“Tell me I’m wrong Aaron. Me, Jackson, James, Kasim, even Robert. Any time you’re in a temper or things aren’t going your way you lash out.” He can’t speak, just nods, fighting back tears, refusing to let them see him upset.

“Fine. If that’s what you think.” He sniffs, stands up straight. “If I’m so bad, if I’m such a violent person then you won’t need me around anymore.”

“Now hold on, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“No. Clearly I’m not someone you think very much of so there’s no point me staying any longer.” He wishes he was more surprised, but when he thinks back there’s always been an air of disappointment, like he’s never quite been good enough. He’d never be able to thank Paddy enough for taking him in, helping him, but it’s almost as if he’s expected to pay for that by conforming to his, and his Mum’s, idea of what his life should be like, and when he doesn’t they bring out the emotional blackmail, and bring up all his past mistakes.

He knows he’s done that himself, with Robert, can remember sitting on that sofa and calling Seb a mistake, seeing the light go out in Robert’s eyes as if he’d realised that he’d never be able to forget that one moment of stupidity. He should never have done that, especially as he hadn’t even meant it, had just been lashing out in his helplessness over Liv. He knows how that feels, how could he have made Robert feel like that.

“You’re going to break your Mum’s heart.” He barely manages to stop from rolling his eyes. Maybe she’d be upset, no he knew she would, but deep down he knew she understood even if she’d never admit it.

“She’ll get over it. She managed before when I went to France.”

“And you came home then, what makes you think you’ll be able to do it this time?”

“I’ll be with Robert.” They could do anything as long as they were together, as sappy as that sounded. They’d already got through so much, this wouldn’t be the thing to break them. “He’s all I need, and you can argue all you like but it’s the truth. I’ll never forgive you if you do this Paddy, I swear."

“I’ll take the risk. I’m still not letting you out. Your Mum would never forgive me and you might not think so now but you’ll thank me one day.”

“It doesn’t matter, because like I told you, as soon as you leave I’m gone. You can’t keep me here the rest of my life.”

“I don’t need to, the police will catch up with him eventually.” He can’t believe he’d actually wish someone to go to prison like this, it’s such a world away from the Paddy he’d lived with, the one who’d taken him in.

“You know, I used to think you were the best, I wished you’d been my Dad, that I’d always had you. But that person, he would support me, he would understand. I’m twenty seven years old Paddy, I’m not that messed up kid you took in, not any more. You can’t force me into doing what you want any longer.”

“Someone has to. I’m not standing by while you mess up, again and ruin not just your life but ours too. You say you’re not a kid anymore, well start acting like it.”

He just shakes his head, there’s no point talking anymore, he was getting nowhere. He checks his watch, it’s been hours and he’s running out of time. It’s dark outside, surely someone will have noticed Paddy is missing by now but he can’t rely on that. He’d never be able to call Cain, they’d probably break his phone. No, he has to sort this himself, has to stop relying on other people.

All he can think about is Robert sitting somewhere alone, waiting, wondering. Maybe he thinks Aaron’s had second thoughts, has decided he’s not worth it, hates that he knows it’s the first thing Robert will think and that he can’t do anything to take that away.

He can’t bear the thought of him out there alone, knowing no one, having to hide, not being able to contact anyone. At least if he’s with them then they have each other.

He needs a plan, because there is no way he’s letting Robert believe that Aaron doesn’t love him enough to do this.

“Have you ever been in love Paddy?” He asks quietly. Liv’s asleep and he doesn’t want to wake her.

“What?”

“I said have you ever been in love?”

“I’ve been married four times.”

“We both know that means nothing. I mean real, intense, passionate love. The kind where if you’re away from them too long it actually aches. The kind where you’d willingly die just so they could live. Have you ever felt like that?” He’s silent, like he knew he would be. “Because that’s me and Robert. That day, in the car, I told him to go, to save himself, to leave me so he could save himself.”

“So?”

“So...if you’ve never felt that then you can’t even imagine how much you’re hurting me right now.” For a minute he thinks maybe he’s got through to him, Paddy’s staring at him and maybe he’s finally seeing it.

“See, if that’s true, then Robert would willingly let you stay so that you could have your life when he can’t have his. He wouldn’t make you do this.”

“For God’s sake Paddy, he’s not making me. The only one making me do anything is you.” He doesn’t answer and Aaron sighs, sitting back in the chair.

They sit in silence for hours. His eyes are permanently fixed on the clock over the mantelpiece, the minutes and hours ticking by. He’s seriously short of time now, and if he doesn’t get out soon there’ll be no point. He looks around, Liv’s still curled up asleep on the sofa worn out from the constant arguing. Paddy’s still in the chair, he looks asleep but Aaron’s not going to take it for granted.

He’s about to give up hope when it comes to him, can only hope they haven’t realised, that they’ve forgotten it. He wishes it didn’t have to be this way, wishes he could’ve made them see that this was what he wanted, that without Robert there was no point. They’d never change though, so convinced that what they believe is true, and he had to do what was best for him.

Once upon a time he would’ve caved, would’ve given in just to keep them happy, that it would be the only way they’d love him, if he did what they wanted. He knows better now, Robert has taught him that love is unconditional, or it should be.

He gets up, checks they’re still sleeping. As quiet as he can he picks up the bag, eyes fixed on Paddy silently begging him not to wake up. As soon as he’s in the bathroom with the door locked he springs into action, nearly cheering when he finds the window unlocked.

“Not so clever after all eh?” He whispers, pushing it as wide as it’ll go, throwing the bag out onto the ground.

He studies the window, hoping he can fit. Then again, Robert did. If nothing else it’ll give them a laugh later on.

Before he knows it he’s out, the night air cool around him. For a second he thinks he should break back in, let them out, but he reasons with himself that the two of them got into the mess, they would have to get out of it. He drags his phone from his pocket dialling the familiar number.

“Robert? It’s me.” His voice is shaking from the adrenaline and he wants to laugh at the fact he’s just escaped from his own house. He would if it wasn’t so ridiculous and he wasn’t so angry.

“Aaron, what’s taking so long?”

“I’ll explain later. Where are you?” He gives him the name of a place and then he’s quiet and Aaron knows he’s waiting for him to tell him he’s not coming, that he’s changed his mind. “Rob?”

“I’m here.”

“I’m on my way. I promise.” He tells him, jumping into the car. He wishes they’d had time to find another car but as it is he’ll just have to be careful and as much as it would slow him down he’d have to keep to the speed limit to avoid any unwanted attention.

“I’ll wait.” He smiles. That’s all he needs to know.

He doesn’t want to leave Liv like this, he knows she’d only done it because she cares. Maybe Paddy did too, but there was a part of him that knew if it had been anyone but Robert, they wouldn’t have stopped him. It has to be this way. Maybe one day they’ll see each other again, somehow. Maybe one day he’ll forgive them, but right now that’s not important. What’s important is his future and he knew exactly what that meant.

His future was with Robert now.