#anyway jem best boy forever

[clockwork-carstairs]

this is THE post. the post that sums it up the most perfectly. i was (comparatively) late reading tid for the first time at 17 but after years of seeing the bad boy trope everywhere, and being tired of the rude boys i knew irl, it hit me SO hard having a fictional character just be so kind and good. like in a genuinely life-changing, shaped my standards forever kind of way.

reading about jem’s backstory, which is one of the most tragic and horrifying in the tsc universe and how despite everything he chose to be kind everyday, and was so strong and brave along with that kindness? that was a different kind of inspiring like i’d never seen.

in conclusion jem carstairs you will forever be loved by me, thank you for showing me that kindness can come out of awful circumstances, and that that kindness is one of the strongest and most enduring forces in the world

the thing about jem carstairs that i remember so clearly is that he was the first fictional character i had seen, at the time of reading clockwork angel for the first time, who chose to be kind.

this was a guy who had suffered so much and had become addicted to a substance completely against his will. a substance that was slowly killing him, but he still chose to live. he still wanted to live and not give up

and instead of being jaded and negative he was soo fucking kind and sweet and im afraid reading that at 14 years old altered my brain chemistry forever

[thelastfunctioningbraincell]

Hi! I read your Heronstairs headcanon, which was fantastic! Since it's Cassie's birthday would you like to write another one where Will comes to meet Alec?

Omygods thank you soo much💙💙 that means a lot to me 😭😭

Alec was coming back from the Clave meeting, Magnus wasn't home yet since he had to go for some other work. Alec saw Jace, who had burried his face into the couch and was fast asleep. No wonder, babysitting two kids would be exhausting for Jace. Uncle Jace and Uncle Simon were taking turns to babysit.

Alec smiled looking at his Parabatai who was hugging a pillow. He headed straight to the kids room, that was his routine, looking meeting the kids before doing anything else.

" Blueberry, Rafe? Dad's back! Hey-" he stopped midway looking at the hazy figure of a tall man with dark hair and blue eyes, who was bending over the kids who were fast asleep. "Who- who are you?" Alec looked at him, he had the same blue eyes dark hair. "Alexander Gideon Lightworm, lightwood I mean. Nice to meet you." The man had a dense English accent. He extended his hand, " I know your ancestors, rather I'm related to your parabatai who well, landed face first into your sofa." He said. " William Herondale, I- I don't know what to say." Alec said with complete disbelief.

"There's no need to. I'm here to see how my sister's descendant is doing, you've got her eyes and her hair too. A lightworm inheriting herondale beauty, who could've believed that till Cecy came into Gabriel's life. Oh, what would've he done without her. Anyways, I might be a bit late. But I'm here to tell you. You aren't anyone's shadow, you're a strong nephillim, an individual person. I appreciate your skills in archery, your accuracy and precision I don't even have words." Will said holding Alec's shoulder.

Alec looked down and smiled. "I really needed these words few years ago. Sir, I'm really glad to meet you. I've heard so much about you..from Magnus, read about you..and I- I can't believe I'm here talking to you." Will frowned, "Don't call me sir, I'm not that old! It makes me feel like a grumpy old man sitting in a chair by the fireplace telling bedtime story to his grandkids. Call me Will "

"Oh, I'm sorry, si- Will. B-but why me? Why did you come to meet me? I mean you could've talked to Jace...or Magnus, why choose me?" Alec asked. " Your subconscious mind still thinks low of yourself. You've been there for everyone and no one appreciated it enough. Let's start with your parabatai. He was always the one to be noticed first. But if it wasn't for you, this reckless impulsive boy would've ran into some deep trouble. You knocked sense into him, stood by his side in all times.

Your sister, I always wondered how she's so different from all the Lightwoods, but then again, she reminds me of Anna Lightwood. She's strong, again you've been there for her when Max..... Max, that child. I must tell you he misses you the most. He wished of growing up with you learning from his big brother. I know, I very well know that you still blame yourself for not being there when everything happened. But this is a message from him, don't blame yourself, it happened for a reason. He's still with you and he's really happy for you.

Then the mundane boy, who became a daylighter, wow that is complex. You didn't really like him in the beginning, but you do care for him. Now he's engaged to your sister. Give them my best wishes.

Then the red haired girl, you didn't approve her either, you see her as a sister now. She's reckless too, but that's her strength. You appreciate and support her. Then your kids, they’re amazing, look his skin matches my eyes! 

And then my dear Magnus, he’s been through a lot. He was there for me so many times. St. Magnus’s home for wayward shadowhunters is a concept from my times. I know the pain of loving someone who’s goin to live forever” Will looked down at his hands and smiled. “Tessa, my love and my parabatai, Jem. But don’t ever give up on eachother you two. I’ve never seen Magnus this happy with anyone, you were there for him too.” Will’s gaze shifted towards the crackling sound by the fireplace.

 “But what about it? I...I didn’t have any intention-” Alec said. “Yes, you didn’t you did it all selflessly, you did it for your loved ones. You used to think you won’t be able to ever enter the Silent city or be remembered with your comrades due to the Clave’s views. Everyone’s life has a curse, I had mine. But you had the power to strengthen your bonds. Remember, a nephilim who can love his comrades selflessly deserves to be appreciated, and that’s all I came here for. 

Alec’s eyes were filled with tears, all his thoughts from past stood in front of him, he had people to love now, people who loved him. “Church’s judgemental face and Bridget’s ballads are forever, and so are your stories Alec. Before I go There’s something I’d like to say,” Will touched Alec’s cheek and said.

“I’m really proud of you, Alexander Lightwood. May the angel bless you, and everyone around you.” A tear rolled down Alec’s cheek as the words echoed in the air and the man in front of him slowly disappeared like silver dust.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading, ik its kinda long. @anon Thanks for the request, I hope you liked it! *my Apollo-geez for not writing sassy lines for Will, I can’t man, I can’t*

Characters belong to @cassandraclare 

*kinda late, but Happy Birthday Cassie!!*

Tagging few ppl who might wanna read.

@queenlilith43 @ghafa-dale @garimamorgenstairsfairdale @crazy-beautiful @nerdyfuntheorist @hardlymatters @shadowhunting-hooligans @herondalebitchh @in-love-with-themoon @noah-herondale-lightwood @the-blackdale @fangirlinindia @fangirl2o20 @justanormaldemon @ravenscar14 @kitandtyarelife @whiskedthought 

No pressure ✌️✌️

(do tell if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist)

[melanielocke]

You'll be in my Heart

Alastair has been sleeping poorly, so when he's awake at night and the babies start crying, he might as well get up and sing them back to sleep.

Song is You'll be in my Heart from Tarzan

I did a lot of research into a baby's development and how to feed your child in the 1900s for this

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

Alastair had been a poor sleeper for as long as he could remember. In between nightmares, irregular patrols and struggling to feel safe enough to asleep, it wasn’t that uncommon for him to lie awake at night, unable to go back to sleep. He’d found few remedies so far. Thomas could help him through the nightmares, but he wasn’t here tonight. Thomas had started looking for an apartment of his own, and Alastair had considered moving in with him when he found one, but he did worry it might be a bit soon in their relationship. At the very least, Thomas’ own apartment would give them some much needed privacy.

But there was one more reason Alastair would rather stay here for now. His mother had given birth a couple of weeks ago, and to everyone’s surprise she had twins. A boy and a girl. After fighting over baby names for months with Cordelia, the three of them had settled on Rostam and Shadi, choosing Persian names for the babies rather than English ones. Shadi was a sound sleeper so far, didn’t cry often. Rostam on the other hand, kept his mother awake at night. She was getting exhausted, Alastair could tell, and so he’d promised he would get up when the babies cried. Now his mother only had to wake up every three hours to feed the babies since he couldn’t do that and his mother didn’t trust any of the alternatives for breast milk.

The soft crying didn’t surprise him anymore at this point. The babies would get louder as they grew, and Alastair hoped he’d be able to take that. Loud noises were always something he’d struggled with. It was one of the reasons why he’d chosen spears as his primary weapon, it meant he could keep a bit more distance from the demons. But even if it was difficult, he’d be there. He’d always be there for his little brother and sister.

He got out of bed and to the nursery. It was Rostam, as it usually was. He was fairly certain his mother had fed the babies less than an hour ago, he’d been awake then too, so that wasn’t it. Of course, sometimes babies just needed to be held and Rostam loved the warmth and safety of Alastair’s arms.

His nightshirt was unbuttoned at the top, leaving some skin bare. His mother had told him babies like to make skin contact and that it helped with the bonding. Alastair knew he could not quite be a father, but he was the closest thing the babies would have to a father. He was determined not to disappoint, but had to admit he was scared. What if he wasn’t be enough? What if he was just like his father?

Alastair took Rostam out of the baby bed and gently rocked him. He was still crying, but he was getting softer. The way the babies cried often made him want to drop whatever he was doing and rush to them and hold them until they were alright. But what calmed the twins the most was when he sang to them.

Alastair hadn’t sung in years. He’d loved to sing and play the piano when he was a child, but at some point he’d lost that joy and playing had become too painful, too overwhelming, reminding him of the childhood he’d lost. Rostam and Shadi had brought back his love for music, and he and Thomas had written a lullaby together. Alastair truly did not understand why Thomas was so shy about the songs he wrote, they were marvelous.

Rostam did not stop crying, and Shadi had woken up as well. Alastair hoped his singing wouldn’t wake his mother, or Cordelia, but at this point it was the only thing that would help Rostam calm down.

Come stop your crying it will be alright. Just take my hand hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you. I will be here, don't you cry .

Rostam stopped crying, and stared at him with his big dark eyes. Both the babies had them, a trait they shared with Cordelia and Alastair, but with neither of their parents. Alastair had hated those eyes on himself, once. He’d wished he had blue eyes like his father, or even the light brown eyes his mother had. But now he was glad the babies looked like him and Cordelia, like their mother. They were perfect, and beautiful, and didn’t resemble their father much at all. And Alastair knew it was cruel to think such things, but he truly believed the babies were lucky their father was gone.

Even if Alastair was still struggling to come to term with the loss. Thomas was right, it was much harder to lose someone you were on bad terms with. It took his chance to find closure. Alastair knew there was no way he could have made things right with his father, there were things that could not be forgiven, but he wished he could have confronted him. He would have lashed out at his father, he would have shown him, this is what you made me. He would finally have confronted him with the damage he’d done. And now he never could.

For one so small you seem so strong. My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can't be broken. I will be here don't you cry.

Rostam really was small. Alastair did not have much experience with babies, he didn’t remember Cordelia being a baby and had only seen other people’s babies in passing. He’d been surprised how small the newborns were, even if they weren’t premature. According to brother Zachariah, or Jem, as he’d been trying to call him, that was not so common for twins, and Sona was very lucky to have gotten through her pregnancy so well. Still, having the babies had been hard on her and she needed to rest as much as she could.

'Cause you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart No matter what they say You'll be here in my heart, always

‘Alastair, is that you?’

Alastair would recognize his sister’s voice anywhere. Cordelia had moved back in after coming home from Paris. She and James were separating, and the enchanted bracelet James had worn was a decent enough reason to separate without ruining her reputation. Both Cordelia and James needed time, and as far as Alastair was concerned, seventeen was far too young to be married. Not that he knew what the right age was. He would never be married, after all. It had become easier for his mother to accept that now that she knew he liked men. Before, she’d doubted his insistence, worrying that he isolated himself too much and would be unhappy, but now she knew he wasn’t alone at all, he had Thomas. He finally had friends, a partner who loved him and treated him well, and a closer bond with his family than he’d had in a long time.

‘Rostam was crying,’ Alastair said. ‘I was awake anyway.’

Cordelia came to sit down next to him, and took Shadi, who was also awake and had begun sobbing softly, out of her bed. That was the difficult thing with twins, you had to divide your attention, and although Shadi was generally quieter than her brother, she didn’t like it when he got all the attention.

‘I never thought much about having babies on my own,’ Cordelia said. ‘But we’ll probably have our hands full with these two for the coming years. ’

‘No regrets about leaving James?’ Alastair asked.

‘I loved him so much,’ Cordelia said. ‘Knowing he didn’t feel the same way. And I know now that it was because of the bracelet and everything that he was so cold. But Paris did give me some distance, some time to sort everything out. As you said, unrequited love doesn’t last forever. Besides, I think I like someone else now.’

Alastair looked at her. ‘Please, please tell me it’s not Matthew Fairchild.’

‘It’s not Matthew,’ Cordelia said, gently rocking Shadi in her arms. ‘It’s Lucie. I’m not sure exactly what’s going with her and Jesse. He’s still figuring out this whole being alive thing, and Lucie thinks maybe a friendship would be better for them than romance, especially so young.’

‘Really? Well, it would be an improvement,’ Alastair said, turning to the baby in his arms. ‘Wouldn’t it, moosh moosh-am?’

Little mouse. Alastair had taken to calling the twins that. It was what Cordelia called her sword, but it was far more fitting for the babies.

‘Don’t involve Rostam in this,’ Cordelia said.

‘He’s three weeks old. He doesn’t understand a word I’m saying,’ Alastair.

‘I’m glad to hear you singing again,’ Cordelia said, changing the subject. ‘I missed that.’

‘Me too,’ Alastair said. ‘For so long, I just couldn’t, knowing it wasn’t like it used to be. Knowing I’d be mocked for singing. But the babies should get to go to sleep with a lullaby, shouldn’t they? Thomas helped me write this one.’

‘Can you sing some more?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Thomas did write a second part, but he’s not so sure about it yet.’

Why can't they understand the way we feel They just don't trust what they can't explain. I know we're different but deep inside us We're not that different at all And you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more

‘That was beautiful. Perhaps Thomas is insecure about the second part because it also describes how he feels about you,’ Cordelia said. ‘Oh look, Shadi’s asleep again.’

‘Rostam too. Let’s put them to bed before they wake up again.’

Alastair and Cordelia put the babies back in their beds, tucking them under the blankets. In some months, they would be putting some toys and stuffed animals with them, but at three weeks they were still a bit to young. Alastair had done a lot of research about a baby’s development and apparently babies couldn’t grip anything until they were about three months.

‘Sorry I woke you up,’ Alastair said.

‘You haven’t been sleeping at all, have you?’ Cordelia asked.

‘It remains a struggle,’ Alastair said. ‘Thomas is sleeping over tomorrow night. Usually that helps me feel safe enough to sleep. I’m getting better, Layla. I’ve been speaking to brother- to Jem. I’ll be alright.’

‘You’re singing again,’ Cordelia said. ‘That’s a good sign. I’m glad to be back home. Even if the babies keep everyone up at night.’

‘They’re probably going to get worse,’ Alastair said. ‘They’re not yet old enough to scream very loud.’

‘I guess then my sleep schedule can match yours,’ Cordelia said. ‘Make sure to take enough breaks, go to Kamala or the Lightwoods when you want to. We can handle the babies.’

‘I will,’ Alastair said. ‘Good night, Layla joon.’

‘Good night, dâdâsh,’ Cordelia said. ‘If the babies wake again, I’ll go. Please get some sleep.’

[khaleesiofalicante]

OH MY GOD! ITS HAPPENING! Its only the summary and I’m emo 😂 I should be studying for my exams, but I have tomorrow for that ;)

Ok, lets do this:

UDHWIJSHW THEY ARE SO CUTE FOR EACH OTHER I CANT-

"He preferred to hide his heart away. But he couldn’t hide David. He didn’t want to. David deserved to be seen." Like father like son. Both speeking poetry about their love ones. (and no, Idk which father I'm talking about 😂)

“I don’t think they are fake dating,” David hummed from the other end. “You don’t talk for hours every night if you are just fake dating.” (THANK YOU DAVID! SOMEONE THAT ITS NOT BLIND)

"They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”“So, by not helping them, we are technically helping them?” Bapa had asked and Max had nodded with a grin. “Shadowhunters are weird.” “True dat,” Max had laughed. They were all weirdos. But Max loved them anyway. He loved his weird shadowhunters. (The domesticity lf this is killing me in a good way🥺)

“Will you on a date with me? Tomorrow?” Max asked then – because why the hell not. (Hell yeah Max. Go big or go home babe😎)

“This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.” In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that. (I'm already feeling his chaotic ass will do something like Magnus did, but lets keep hope)

"Maybe Lexi and Liv would probably enjoy a date – a fake date - in the arcade." Could I be more in love with both of them?? Is that physically possible?? 💙

Elyaas giving Max dating advice!! Lmaooo 😂😂

"His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice. But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages."  YOU LIL SHIT. YOU ARE NOT WRONG THO...

FUCK. An attack??

You lil shit Max.

Yep, Rafael has to deal with it everyday 😂

OOMG YESS. THE ALIANCE RUNE!!

"So, when he got tired, he would simply fix the problem by eating. It was a win-win to be honest." I feel like I should say something, but tbh it makes sense

Ok, this fight is intense

Wait. Anjali is there???  What?

Oh ok, it wasn’t

“Say the thing!”Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.” I'm dead 😂

THAT SCENE WAS EVERYTHING. LOVE THOSE TWO

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out. “Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.” “Asshole,” Max laughed and punched his brother.

“Text dad we are okay,” Rafael said, slowly recovering. “They will worry.”Max nodded and did that. (This just summ up sibling relationships so well *chef kiss*)

“It can be hard, Max. Bapak and dad…Sometimes I look at them and feel like I will never have what they have.” YUP. THEY HAVE SIBLINGS DYNAMIC. ALSO RAFAEL IS JUST 🥺🥺🥺

David got wounded???

Oh ok. False alarm.

Rafael sat down next to him and put Bapak’s head on his lap, gently massaging it.

“Are you okay?” dad knelt down next to his husband. “Just a little tired,” Bapak replied.A little tired. Max knew Bapak was fucking exhausted."  "Bapak never showed it. He never complained. Max wondered what else he hid away from everyone else." “Okay,” dad whispered and kissed his husband on the head. “Get some rest, my love.” Bapak nodded and closed his eyes as Rafael hummed something softly. (Well, now I'm crying 😭😭)

" His niece found an herbal medication that helps with the pain.” ANJALI!! I LOVE HER💙💙

"Dad finally smiled and went out to the balcony, phone in hand. He seemed to hang out in the balcony a lot lately" No no no. I dont like this. Babe find a better copying mechanism!!

"Bapak smiled then. A brilliant grin. The one dad probably fell in love with." jsyeihdiej I cant🥺💙

"Bapak sniffed when dad sat down next to him and gave him an odd look. But he didn’t say anything." Magnus tell him something. I dont like where this is going😭

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked. “Do not drag me into this!” Bapak protested and dad laughed at that" Ahh yess. Typical family discussions 😂

"David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!” (😂😂 I HONESTLY LAUGHED WAY TO HARD!!)

“Well, no! I don’t want drama. But I want you to be dramatic so I can tell you not to be dramatic!” I would like to say WHAT? but I honestly get it 😂

“Also, we all know you had an embarrassing crush on Uncle Jace growing up,” Rafael snickered. “And you definitely still have a crush on Uncle Jem.” Oh god 😂😂 but I mean... Who doesn't have a crush on Jem?

“Oh yeah?” Max demanded. “Well then let me explain your type. You are probably going to fall for someone who is like a combination of Aunt Izzy and Aunt Lily! Some femme fatale type who is a heartbreaker and looks like a supermodel and-” Boy got it right huh? 😂

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?” “There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!” lmaooo 😂😂

"And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life." I. I have no words

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.” “Not happening,” dad said into his coffee, and Max groaned before walking back into his room. (THAT FAMILY 😂😂)

" I tried to hurt your father once.” OH no, the angst is coming

" He didn’t know about this. He knew about their story. Everyone did. The accords hall kiss. The fight in Edom. The changing of the law. Their love was legendary. Not this!" THIS IS BRINGING BACK SO MANY FLASHBACKS

“All I know is that I was terrified. I love your father. I love Magnus more than anything in the world. And I didn’t want to lose him. And I didn’t know what to do.” 😭😭 NOT AGAIN!!

"When you love someone so much, sometimes you do crazy things.” THIS

" Love had made a fool out of them. Love had made them blind." Yup. tsc: a summary

"When you love someone, you have to be honest with them" And THAT is character development!!

"They called it The Jem effect." I'm using this from now on 😂💙💙

"Uncle Jem was wearing a tank top and and ripped jeans." So its time for SIMP over Jem Carstairs? Okey then.

"In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual." Same here 😂

“MINA! I SWEAR TO LILITH I AM GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!” OH MY GOD I LOVE MINA!!

“In my defense, I was busy!!” “Oooo, someone has been getting busy!” Mina WINKED. (You lil shit! I love her 💙)

He didn’t know he could blush!!!

" They had gone to hell and back for Roman. It wouldn’t have been possible if not for Catarina. She was, and always has been, a miracle worker." Again, I love my queen💙💙

“I believe in Mavid supremacy.” ME TOO

"There is something so queer about Ferris wheels!" Someone needed to say this

"They had their own space in the spiral fucking labyrinth. These fucking legends." I BELIEVE IN WARLOCK TEAM SUPREMACY

"But Ragnor had always had a soft spot for Rafael." 🥺🥺

I love my warlock squad so much I cant-

Ragnor is so done😂

“I don’t want to lose him,” Max said it out loud for the first time. “But you will, Max,” Catarina said gently. “Everyone loses people they love. Every day. It’s how life works.” (its to early to be crying)

“Yes, we do,” Ragnor replied. “But it also means we fall in love over and over. Century after century. It’s our blessing.” (these warlocks are just to perfect)

“And that love is going to last for a lifetime,” Tessa said softly. “Can you imagine that? Someone loving you for centuries. Someone remembering you for eternity. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” 🥺🥺

David deserved to be loved like that – endlessly and impossibly. (OK BUT THE PARALLEL)

Tessa should definetly write a guidebook

“Je t’aime à la folie,” Max said.David’s eyes widened. “Vraiment?“ "Je t’aime. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Je t’aime pour toujours.” ( I literally screamed and woke up my sister, I just love them so much!!!)

"David smiled. The smile Max fell in love with" 🥺🥺

“I know I am not your forever and I am okay with that.” Max bit his lip. “Okay.” “But you are mine,” David said. “You know that, right?” (ksidjdldk its just all this was beautiful!)

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do." (Me as I should be studying 😂)

" And you were just scared. You were just a kid." “I just…I just realized you might not have had that when you were growing up – that there might not have been people you could talk to about these things.” THAT!! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!

"Max pulled him closer and kissed him again. Every kiss a promise. A promise to love. A promise to fight. A promise to survive" I would die for this two

OMG he took him to the Celestial Palace!! Thats so perfect and 🥺🥺

“Oh mon dieu! Ceci est incroyable! Il y a tellement de livres! Oh mon dieu! Je l'aime tellement!”💙💙 Idk how you manage to make me love David even more

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.” David blinked. “You’re joking, right?” “Of course,” Max grinned. His father had actually said that but there was no need to scary poor David any further. (😂😂 Imagine having the Consul as father-in-law, poor David)

“Yeah, not good with words my ass,” Exactly!! They say they are not good with words and procede to recite poetry of their love one??!!

Ughh I love this chapter so much and I loved how they deal with the inmortality thing! I just love when people comunicate and talk to each other! THATS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! And how they didn't repeat Alec and Magnus mistake. I just love it! *chef kiss*

Anyway, this was really long and it took to open notes to fullfill, so i'll just leave💙💙

Bro I just felt like I read the whole chapter again and I am feels. I AM FEELS SEND HELP. Not me catching feels over my own shit lmaooooo.

Thank you so much. I have some work to do and I was like meh and now I have some energy to do it lol. I hope you spend tomorrow studying! You better!! Good luck!

ps - I love you notice the parallels and references. It makes me lil heart go boop!

also why do I feel like y'all are eternally doing exams????

[older-brother-kit]

Parental Differences

Hi everyone, I wrote a fic about Kit and his relationship with Jem that’s set during Forever Fallen. It’s about the different ways that Johnny Rook and Jem Carstairs care about Kit and handle the topic of his mother Rosemary. Jem is a loving dad, and he wants to make sure to remind Kit he cares about him whenever he can. You can find it here on AO3! I haven’t posted my writing in a long time, so please make sure to tell me what you think :)

Johnny Rook knew that his son was a curious boy. Kit was always eager to learn something new, and he paid attention to every little fact that Johnny told him about the shadow world. Kit was curious, but he also knew that his father was a criminal and there were some questions you just didn’t ask.

Well, Kit didn’t ask most of them. Sometimes, he couldn’t contain himself.

Johnny had been counting money he’d received from his most recent deal when he first heard Kit’s voice. “Dad?” Kit started, and Johnny looked towards his son. They were both sitting at the table Johnny sometimes used for business, and Kit had been practicing shuffling cards. The deck laid on the table, all gathered together in a neat little stack. “I was thinking about it, but don’t you think I’m old enough to know who my mom is now?”

The question shot a sharp pang down Johnny’s chest. It had been several years since he’d last seen Rosemary, several years since she had left him to try and keep Kit’s true identity a secret. It was a long time, but Johnny had never forgotten -could not forget- the love of his life. He could still remember the floral perfume she used to wear, the pitter-patter of her feet when they walked down the boardwalk in sandals, the way she’d smile every time he told her that he was sure it was going to rain. Johnny still loved her, but he knew that she would never come back to him. Rosemary didn’t want her son in danger.

“It doesn’t matter,” Johnny said, turning back to look at the money in his hand. “She was no one important.”

Kit sounded annoyed. “You say that every time, and I stop asking about her, but don’t you think I should know? There are so many questions I’ve always wanted to know the answers to but never asked. How did you meet her? Does she look like me? What was she like? Is she dead? What happened to her?”

Johnny couldn’t help the bitterness that arose. He grit his teeth as he watched Kit stand up and cross his arms, leaving his deck of cards on the table. “I told you it’s not important. It’s none of your business.”

“What do you mean it’s not my business?! She was my mom!”

“Oh, she was your mom?!” Johnny shot up from his chair, locking eyes with Kit. The money fell to the floor and lay there forgotten. “Well she was also-”

Despite his anger, he knew that telling Kit anything even resembling the truth would only endanger him --endanger the boy that Rosemary left to protect. He knew Kit wasn’t at fault for wanting to know about his mom, but there was a pesky little voice inside Johnny’s head that liked to remind him Kit was the reason Rosemary had left in the first place.  

Johnny thought he heard the door open in the background, but he ignored it. “I don’t remember.” he said, trying to calm down so he wouldn’t say something he’d regret.

“Bullshit,” Kit said, and Johnny didn’t even bother to reprimand him for cursing. “You’re lying. You always lie. You’ve lied a thousand times, to both your “customers” and to me, and you’ll lie a thousand more. Can’t you just tell the truth this one time?” Kit’s voice cracked, and Johnny ignored the desperation. Kit’s eyes seemed to be screaming. Please, they said. Please. 

Kit looked too much like Rosemary.

“Fine,” he spat out. If Kit wanted a story, he’d get a story. “You want to know the truth? I’ll tell you the truth. I met her when I was gambling in Vegas, where we slept together once and she became pregnant with you. She stuck around until the birth, left you with me, and I never saw her again.” Johnny could feel the anger and frustration he’d built up over the years coming out in the bitterness of his words, the sharpness of his lies, but he couldn’t stop. A voice called out his name, seeming to come from far away. “The truth is that the woman who gave birth to you was a Vegas showgirl who left the second she could because she couldn’t stand the sight of you!”

The world slowly came back into focus, and all Johnny saw was Kit. Kit, whose hands were in fists, shaking. His face was scrunched up in anger, but his eyes were suspiciously bright and Johnny could tell that he was trying not to cry. Johnny let out a long breath, and unclenched his hands while trying to release the tension in his shoulders. “Kit,” he tried, but Kit just turned on his heels and stormed out of the room.

“Johnny Rook,” the voice from earlier called, and Johnny turned around to see Hypatia Vex. The warlock crossed her arms, and the hardness in her eyes was unmistakable. “I came here to ask about an object you’d had out front yesterday. I heard voices shouting, and the door was unlocked.”

Johnny tried not to feel embarrassed at what she’d seen, and ignored the sudden dryness of his mouth. “What are you willing to pay for it?”

Hypatia laughed a short, humorless laugh. “Of course you’d try to make a business deal after all that. You disgust me.”

He gave her a look. “Listen lady, you either want something or you don’t. My boy is none of your business.”

Hypatia raised an eyebrow, giving him a look back, and he had the feeling that she was inwardly cursing at him. “When you started yelling loud enough to be heard outside you made it my business. Now I want you to listen, and to listen good. I see a lot around here, and there isn’t much I don’t know. You might be one of the sleaziest mundanes I’ve ever met -if you even are a mundane- but that kid of yours is alright. More importantly, he’s ten years old.”

“I’m protecting him,” Johnny hissed, irritated at this warlock woman who acted as if she had any right to judge him and how he talked to his son. She knew nothing about the situation they were in. “He’ll get it when he’s older.”

“Telling your son that his mother was a showgirl who didn’t love him is not protecting him.” Hypatia shot back.

Johnny glared at her. “Do you want your object or not?” 

Hypatia pursed her lips, and looked at him for what felt like a long time. “If you go apologize to your son, and tell him you love him, we’ll do a deal.” 

“Fine,” Johnny said, and resisted the urge to roll his eyes and knock something over as he turned and went into the next room. He admitted he might have been too harsh, and said a little too much, but Kit was a tough kid. He would forget about it anyway, but it was probably for the best to check up on him. 

Johnny closed the door behind him, and saw Kit curled up in a chair by the one window. “Kit,” Johnny said, but Kit’s gaze stayed on the world outside. “Kit, you know I didn’t mean it.” He reached over to ruffle Kit’s hair in a rare act of affection, but Kit tilted his head away.

“Why did you say that then?” Kit asked, his voice steady but lacking emotion.

Johnny wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “I… I shouldn’t have said it, Kit. I was just frustrated, since I didn’t want to talk about it.” He sighed. “Things like this are complicated.” 

Kit shifted, and glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes. “Is it true?” Kit asked, then cringed as if he’d regretted asking at all.

If Johnny were a more affectionate person, he would’ve hugged Kit, but he wasn’t so he didn’t. That side of him was reserved for Rosemary. He has her eyes, he thought, but it caused him to step back rather than get closer. “It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, Kit. Just don’t ask again.”

Kit made an expression Johnny couldn’t recognize, and the boy quickly went back to looking out the window. “Ok,” he said.

Johnny brushed non-existent dust off his pants before turning around and walking to the door. He remembered the money that he had left on the floor, and hoped that the warlock hadn’t tried to steal from him before he could pick it all up. “I have to go do a deal with Hypatia Vex, so stay here.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Kit asked, and Johnny blinked before giving his son a quick glance.

“And what is that?”

Kit sighed, and moved his head back towards the window. “Nothing,” he mumbled. “Never mind.”

“I’ll tell you when you can come back out.” Johnny told him before opening the door to leave. He thought about the money he’d left on the ground, and hoped the warlock woman hadn’t messed with it in any way.

“Fine.”

Johnny walked through the door and didn’t look back. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t something that Jem was concerned about at first.

Kit was a smart kid, and he was good at playing off his thoughts and feelings. Jem and Tessa had gotten him to open up more in the past year since he’d joined their family, and Jem was extremely grateful. He never asked what went down with the Blackthorns, and Kit never brought it up. Jem and Tessa had mentioned Ty Blackthorn briefly, once. Kit had flinched, and looked so unbearably sad that Jem didn’t have the heart to ever do it again. 

In addition to the Blackthorns, there was one thing Kit never seemed to talk about: Rosemary Herondale. 

Not that Jem hadn’t tried. In the beginning, Jem thought that Kit must be curious and just not had any opportunities to talk about her yet. Jem had brought her up at breakfast one morning, and for a while it had gone well. Kit talked about a lullaby he vaguely remembered, and hummed a bit while pretending not to be embarrassed. Jem had then asked what Johnny Rook had told Kit about Rosemary, and Kit had shut down. The smile on his face disappeared as quickly as it came. Jem had been trying to figure out the best way of asking what he said wrong when Tessa had come back from the market, and the conversation topic was quickly changed.

Since then, both Jem and Tessa had tried to bring Rosemary up, only to have Kit look pained or like he wanted to leave. He and Tessa had discussed it, and they decided that if Kit didn’t want to talk about his mom then they wouldn’t push. Instead, they’d let Kit come to them once he felt comfortable enough. 

It was a typical afternoon at Cirenworth when something finally changed. Jem just came back from getting groceries, and they were having a simple lunch as a family. Mina sat with Tessa, who had finished her own lunch and was enjoying watching everyone else eat. Family, Jem thought, and couldn’t help but smile. My family. It wasn’t too long ago when Jem thought that he’d never get to have a life like this. 

Kit laughed at something Tessa said, then nearly choked on the bagel he’d been eating. Tessa patted his back with one hand while holding her sandwich with the other, and Kit took a sip of his soda before holding his bagel out in front of him. “This bagel tried to kill me,” Kit announced, making a show of glancing suspiciously at it.

Tessa gave him a fond look. “Maybe it was trying to warn you about talking and eating at the same time.” 

“Maybe,” Kit said, shaking the bagel then squinting at it, as if it were under interrogation. “We’ll see.”

Mina smiled widely at this, and Jem felt like the luckiest man in the world. His beautiful daughter was having fun, and the love of his life was smiling and joking around with their precious s --with Kit. Kit, who came into their lives like a blessing, and who Jem loved more with every passing day. Jem caught Tessa’s eye from across the table, and her eyes softened as she reached down to hold Mina’s hand. Jem couldn’t resist the urge to lean over the table to kiss Mina on the cheek. She was so beautiful, their daughter. 

Kit made another joke about his bagel before finishing it. Jem started a sandwich of his own, but couldn’t help staring at his family. He was feeling particularly sentimental today. 

He and Kit made eye contact, and Jem smiled at him. It seemed he couldn’t stop smiling today. Kit raised an eyebrow. “What?” 

After over a century of having his emotions and feelings dulled, Jem wasn’t in the habit of hiding his affection. “Nothing is wrong. I’m just so incredibly happy to know and love both of you.”

Mina giggled as if on cue. Jem turned away to look at her, nearly missing Kit’s shocked expression. Jem lightly tapped Mina on the nose before sinking back into his chair. “Including you of course, Mina mine.”

Jem glanced at Tessa, who was smiling so sweetly at him that he fell in love all over again. Her eyes flickered to Kit, and Jem looked over as well. Kit’s face had some fading redness, but it was his eyes that held Jem’s attention. Kit looked unsure, like he was trying to make sense of something confusing. He glanced at Jem for a minute, mouth closed tightly shut, before he hesitantly opened it and took a breath.

“I don’t get how you can say things like that,” Kit finally said, and he sounded so relieved once he said it that Jem wondered how long Kit had wanted to ask him that. 

Kit’s fingers lightly tapped against the table, and he shifted in his seat. Despite his nerves, Kit refused to break eye contact. Jem admired him for it. 

“It’s the truth,” Jem told him gently. “And there’s nothing wrong showing affection to those you care about.”

Kit frowned and moved his gaze to the table. “My dad wasn’t like that.”

Jem knew that it was rare for Kit to bring up Johnny Rook, aside from the occasional comment about something he’d taught him, and he and Tessa shared a look. They were both happy about Kit opening up more, as he’d been doing since Jem had agreed to train him. Whenever Kit brought up something from the past, they both knew to give him time to get his thoughts together. 

“I’m sure he loved you,” Jem couldn’t help but say, remembering what Kit had said the last time he talked about how he felt about his father. 

Kit scoffed at that. “Yeah, right. Once, when I was ten…” Kit trailed off, and clenched a napkin that was on the table. Jem waited patiently. “We got into an argument once, about my mom.”

Jem tried not to let his surprise show, lest Kit change his mind about talking to them. He and Tessa had gradually noticed that Kit didn’t like to talk about Rosemary, but they didn’t know why. Jem hadn’t expected Kit to be the one to bring her up.

Mina chose that moment to start crying. Before Kit or Jem could say anything, Tessa swept Mina up in her arms and got up to leave the room. “Mina-” Jem started, but Tessa shook her head. 

“She just needs her nap,” she said, then paused by Kit on her way out. “I’ll make sure to listen to your story when I get back.” Tessa ruffled his hair, and then both she and Mina were gone.

“I’d like to hear your story,” Jem said, hopefully before Kit regretted speaking up in the first place.

“Of course you do,” Kit replied, smiling although his heart wasn’t in it. “My stories are always fantastic! I’m a great storyteller.”

“You are,” Jem agreed good-naturedly, and tried not to laugh at the look Kit gave him. 

“Anyway,” Kit started, clearing his throat. “When I was ten, my dad and I got into an argument about who my mom was. I wanted to know her name, how they met, what happened to her..” Kit trailed off again, staring at the wall with a faraway look in his eyes.

Jem wondered what had happened, that Kit had been so curious but now always tried to avoid the topic. 

“I wanted to know everything,” Kit whispered. “Her favorite color, her relationship with her parents, whether she liked the movies as much as I did or not. When I was little I used to daydream about her coming to get me, and the three of us would live in a cozy house with a garden big enough for the family dog. I would go to school and make lots of friends, and she and my dad would have actual jobs that weren’t illegal. She would cook, and we’d talk while eating dinner together every night.” Kit swallowed, and Jem didn’t comment on the way his voice cracked. “I imagined that we would be together, and happy. I think that was the most unrealistic part.”

Kit took a minute to collect himself, and Jem’s mind went back to when his parabatai was still alive and believed he was cursed. Jem had never known the reason until afterwards, but he’d seen Will purposely push away everyone that got close. Jem had watched as the other half of his soul had suffered, unable to help but wishing with all his might that whatever was hurting him would cease. Jem had felt powerless, then. This time, Jem would do all that he could for Kit. As Kit opened his mouth once more, Jem thought about Herondales and their tendency to suffer in silence. 

“So when I was ten I asked my dad about my mom one too many times I guess, and we got into a fight. I was so mad that he refused to talk about her and finally demanded answers, but he became annoyed that I wouldn’t let it go. He told me -ha. He told me that she was a Vegas showgirl, some woman from a one-night stand that dropped me off the second I was born because she didn’t want…” Kit laughed bitterly, and his gaze stayed focused on the wall ahead of him. “Well, you get the picture.”

There was another pause and Jem opened his mouth to speak, but Kit beat him to it. 

“And you know what? Sure, it sucked to hear that, but I’m not even upset over it anymore. Who knows, maybe he thought it was the best way to get me to stop looking into her, in case I found out the truth and put myself in danger.” Kit seemed fired up now, and took a breath before continuing. “A warlock came in and I stormed out, but I heard them talking about me and decided to eavesdrop.

“She scolded him --she actually scolded him, and told him that he should apologize and make sure to tell me that he loved me. That she wouldn’t do a deal unless he’d do it. And you-” Kit’s head swerved towards Jem, and Jem could see the angry tears forming on Kit’s face. Jem felt like tearing up, himself. “You remember what I said, about how maybe he didn’t love me at all?”

Jem could only nod. 

Kit was seething now, and his eyes hardened while the tears fell. “Well he went into that room and he did neither. He didn’t apologize, he didn’t say I love you, he just --he just said that he didn’t mean it and that it was complicated. Then he walked out. My own father couldn’t even bring himself to tell me he loved me, but I’m supposed to believe some woman who barely knew me cared about me enough to die trying to protect me?! That’s crazy. That’s crazy!”

“Kit.” Jem called out, reaching for the boy who looked to be on the edge of hysteria. Kit was trembling, and Jem put a hand over Kit’s shaking ones. Kit reached up to try to wipe the tears off his face, but Jem stopped him. 

“It’s okay,” he said gently, his grip firm but careful. “It’s okay to cry, to show emotion. I love you, Kit. I’m here, and I’m listening to what you have to say. Tessa and I, we both care about you so very much.”

Kit held onto Jem’s hand like a lifeline, and Jem took the time to sort out his emotions. He loved Kit, that was an indisputable fact. Tessa also loved Kit, and they both knew that Rosemary had loved her son more than anything. However, Jem never knew how to feel about Johnny Rook. Johnny had raised Kit for 15 years and that had to count for something, but Jem got the impression he wasn’t the most loving person.

Jem couldn’t understand how anybody wouldn’t love Kit. If Johnny Rook didn’t love his son, then there must have been something wrong with the man. Johnny must have loved Kit in his own way, this Jem knew. The only other option was impossible. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Kit hugging him, which was a pleasant and welcome surprise. Jem hugged back immediately, holding him tightly. Jem tried to tell Kit he cared about him as much as possible, to make up for the lack of it growing up. He hoped one day Kit would truly believe it. 

Kit pulled back, and scrunched up his face before wiping at it. He then hesitantly looked at Jem. “Did he really love me? Like, you and Tessa aren’t just making it up to make me feel better? Because that would be kind of a jerk move.”

“She did,” a voice promised, and both Kit and Jem turned to see Tessa standing by the doorway. She was smiling, despite her watery eyes. Jem could tell by the look on Kit’s face that he was trying to figure out how long Tessa had been standing there. Tessa’s eyes didn’t waver from Kit’s, and Jem knew she must have been there for a while. 

“You barely knew her,” Kit pointed out, his voice hoarse. 

Tessa quietly walked over to Kit and put a hand on his shoulder. “I did,” she said, her face earnest. “When I change into someone, a part of themselves is shared with me. Some of their memories, and some of their thoughts and feelings. The day you were born was the happiest day of her life. When “mama” was your first word, she nearly cried out of joy. Leaving to ensure your safety broke her heart, and she thought about you all the time while she was away. She’d often hum a lullaby that she used to sing to you, because it made her feel closer to you every time she did it.” 

Kit’s eyes were tearing up again, and Jem tightened his grip on the boy’s hand.

“When she died,” Tessa started carefully, only continuing when Kit showed no negative reaction. “All she could think about was you. She wanted to make sure you were safe. She loved you more than anything, Kit.”

With that, Tessa leaned down and wrapped her arms around Kit. Jem joined in soon after, Kit holding onto them both. Jem felt a rush of affection for his family, and thought about how lucky he was to have them here with him.

“You guys sure are huggers,” Kit mumbled into the hug, and Jem laughed. 

He wouldn’t want Kit any other way.

---

Thank you for reading, please tell me what you thought!

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[cristinablackthornkingson]

Shadowhunters Short Story #68.

It is a warm July day in 1911 when Alastair Carstairs begins to notice his sister Cordelia, acting very strange. It starts out with Cordelia being unable to join him or their friends on patrol or to go visit their mother, father and little sister, as often due to her being under the whether frequently. According to James, it is nothing to worry about but Brother Zachariah encouraged Cordelia to rest as much as possible.

Then once Cordelia was not so sick all the time, Alastair noticed she began to wear dresses that were just a bit too big for her. After that, he noticed that Cordelia was always holding something in front of her, when she sat down it was often a cushion, when she was standing up and walking around she would often hold a book in front of her stomach, and the few times she was not holding something in front of her, she would have her hands on her stomach.

It took him a while, but now Alastair is starting to put the pieces together and is almost certain he has figured out why Cordelia is being so secretive. She and James have been married for 2 years now, they have both spoken about wanting children and he has often caught James resting his hand on Cordelia’s stomach too, Alastair is certain that his sister is expecting, and he is going to get her to tell him one way or the other. 

Currently the siblings are sitting in the living room of The London Institute, waiting for the others to get back from patrol, while Tessa and Will have gone to Wales for the day, to commemorate the anniversary of the death of Will’s parents.  Cordelia is sitting on the sofa, once again holding a cushion in front of her stomach, as she reads a book. 

“Layla?” Aalstair asks, setting his own book down and looking at his sister.

“Yes?” Cordelia answers, turning the page of her book. 

“Why are you holding that cushion in front of you like that?” Cordelia blushes and tries to continue on with her book. 

“Oh, um, no reason, I just like to hold something while I read.” She attempts to divert her brother’s suspicions. 

“Oh yes? Well why a cushion, is it not rather bulky and in the way? Why not hold a pen or something of the like?” Alastair asks. 

“The cushion is comfortable, it gives me something to rest the book on.” Cordelia tells him in an unconvincing tone. 

“Alright I will give you that but it does not explain why you are always holding a book in front of you when you stand and walk, or hide behind James or Thomas, or why I have seen you holding your stomach, or indeed why you were so sick a few weeks ago and have not gone out with Anna or on patrol at all for about 3 months now.” Alastair lists off all the suspicious things Cordelia has done the last few months. Right away, Cordelia knows her cover is blown. 

“I... I.....” Cordelia falters. Alastair grins knowingly. 

“You’re expecting, aren’t you?” Cordelia smiles lightly and nods, pushing the cushion away from her stomach and resting her hand on her stomach. 

“We found out almost right away, but we did not want to tell anyone until later in the pregnancy, in case I lost the baby, we did not want to have to tell everyone that horrible news. We were going to wait a few more weeks, but I do not think it will be possible, I am only three months and already showing.” Cordelia softly says. 

“You are happy, aren’t you?” Alastair warily asks, fully prepared to kill James Herondale if he has made Cordelia upset or unhappy in anyway. 

“Oh yes, I am absolutely thrilled! Jamie is too, we have been so eager to tell you all.” Cordelia says in a joyful tone, her face lighting up with joy and excitement, making Alastair relax.

“I am very happy for you Layla, you are going to be a wonderful mother and I cannot wait to be a Uncle, I will be the baby’s favorite, of course, you know how babies love me, I think Evie loves me more than she loves mama and papa.” Alastair jokes, his smile widening as he thinks of his beloved baby sister, little 7 year old Evangelina Esta Carstairs, who is Cordelia’s double, except for her dark hair, which is just like Alastair’s. 

“You will have to fight Matthew for the position of favorite Uncle, he will have the little one in the best clothes the world has to offer and keep him in good supply of poetry and plays.” Cordelia says in an amused tone. She knows Matthew is likely going to be the most excited out of all of their friends, now he has been clean and sober for 5 years, and is the most wonderful big brother to his little twin sisters, Jane and Matilda, he will certainly enjoy being an Uncle to Cordelia and James’ baby. 

“Oh I will find a way to beat him, don’t fret. Do you know if it is a boy or a girl? Have you told anyone else?” Alastair asks. 

“It’s a boy, the only other person who knows is Jem, he was the one he told me I am expecting, though as I said, I doubt I will be able to hide my bump for much longer so we will likely have to tell everyone else soon.” Cordelia says, caressing her stomach softly. Already she feels incredibly bonded with her baby, she never knew he could love someone as much as she loves this baby inside of her, and he is not even a fully grown person yet. 

“Mama is going to be thrilled, and so is James’ father, a child that is half Carstairs half Herondale, he will be over the moon.” Alastair grins, imagining Will Herondale’s reaction when he finds out he is going to be a grandfather.  Cordelia laughs and nods her agreement. 

“Yes he will, I think I am most looking forward to his reaction. What about you and Thomas, do you want to have children?” Cordelia asks. Alastair and Thomas have been together for 5 years now, they are very happy together and all their friends and family are supportive and loving, well except for Elias, he does not accept or acknowledge that his son is with another man, and only ever refers to Thomas as Alastair’s friend. It is very painful and upsetting for Alastair, and Cordelia and Sona are forever trying to get him to open his mind, they are both just so very happy that Alastair is now happy and in a healthy relationship with someone who truly loves him, they do not understand how Elias can be so close-minded. 

“Perhaps, we would not be opposed to it, but obviously it is not as simple for us to have a child as it is for a man and a woman, but we know adoption is an option and we are open to the idea of having children at some point.” Alastair tells her. 

“Well if you ever do, I know you will be a wonderful father.” Cordelia softly says, reaching out to squeeze her brother’s hand. No doubt Alastair has fears and worries that he will be a terrible father just like Elias, or that he will end up favoring a daughter over a son, like how Elias clearly favors Cordelia and always has. 

Alastair smiles weakly and squeezes his sister’s hand in return.

“Thank you Layla, that means a lot to me.”

A few weeks later, Cordelia really starts to show and she realizes her bump is going to be impossible to hide from now on, so they decide to tell their friends and family. When they walk into the room above The Devil’s Tavern that James, Christopher, Thomas and Matthew still rent, with Cordelia no longer trying to conceal her stomach, they plan to sit their friends down and tell them the good news, however they never get the chance. 

The moment they step through the door, Matthew looks to them and his eyes immediately travel to Cordelia’s swollen stomach. His hand flies up to cover his mouth, and a few seconds later, at the top of his lungs, Matthew yells

“Cordelia is expecting!” This of course, immediately draws everyone else’s’ attention. 

“Thank you Math, now all of London knows, likely all of England.” James grumbles with a roll of his eyes. 

“I am sorry Jamie but I... I am just so happy for you!” Matthew exclaims. 

“Are you really? Expecting, that is?” Thomas asks, avoiding being rude and staring at Cordelia’s stomach, unlike Christopher who is gawping at her like he has never seen a pregnant woman before. 

“Yes I am, a little boy, in January.” Cordelia gleefully says, her hand resting underneath her stomach. 

“Oh that is absolutely wonderful! Congratulations!” Thomas says, getting up to embrace both Cordelia and Jamie. “How are you feeling Cordelia? Do you need to sit? You can have my seat.” Thomas kindly offers. For all intents and purposes, Cordelia is his sister-in-law, as well as a very close and dear friend. He knows from talking to his mother, that pregnancy can be very difficult and harsh on a person’s body. Sophie herself had suffered greatly while carrying Thomas, and Eugenia had suffered terribly when she was expecting her first child last year.

Before Cordelia can reply, she feels a prodding sensation around her lower stomach and looks down in confusion, only to see Christopher with his brow furrowed, studying her stomach, clearly having just poked her. 

“Christopher.” Cordelia weary says. “Did you just poke my stomach?” Christopher blinks up at her from behind his glasses, his eyes wide and full of concentration and intrigue. 

“Hm? Oh! Yes, did I hurt you?” He asks, completely oblivious to James trying to conceal his anger and not lunge at his cousin.

“Bloody hell Kit.” Thomas grumbles, covering his face in embarrassment, while Matthew laughs himself silly.

“Um, no it did not hurt but I would rather you did not touch my stomach at all.” Cordelia tries her best to keep her tone calm and civil, she knows Christopher is not being rude intentionally, he means no harm and is simply curious, but nevertheless Cordelia does not like being touched out of nowhere, and she most certainly does not like Christopher poking her stomach while she is 5 months pregnant. 

“Why not?” Christopher innocently asks. 

“It could hurt the baby, for one thing.” Cordelia says, pushing Christopher’s hand away when he tries to touch her stomach again. 

“Kit, you know how you very much dislike when your mama fusses over you, kissing your cheek and ruffling your hair and such?” Thomas calmly asks. Christopher nods. He adores his mother but is not too fond of the fact that she loves to kiss his cheek and leave a lipstick stain there, and call him all sorts of pet names, her favorite being ‘My genius little boy’, especially in public, around others. No one in The Clave takes him seriously for a number of reasons, no doubt his mother’s constant fussing is one of them. 

“Well Cordelia does not like you touching her the same way you do not like your mama fussing over you.” Thomas explains. 

“Oh I see, I am sorry Cordelia, I was just curious about the baby, I did not meant to be rude or upset you.” Christopher apologies, earning a warm smile from Cordelia. It is hard to stay mad at Christopher, he is such a sweetheart.

“That’s quite alright Kit, just refrain from doing it again.” 

“Well now that that is sorted, I have a question. I am going to be the little chap’s Godfather, right?” Matthew hopefully asks from his position stretched out on one of the couches. 

“No, I should be Godfather, I am the most sensible out of us three and will not encourage the little fellow to do reckless things, unlike you Matthew.” Thomas argues, surprising everyone, seeing as Thomas is very much not the argumentative sort.

“I think I should be Godfather, Matthew you are already the twins’ Godfather,and Tom you are Benjamin’s Godfather, I am nobody’s, so therefore I should be Godfather to Cordelia and James’ baby.” Christopher points out. 

“Sorry boys, but I am afraid that non of you are going to be this little one’s Godfather, we are going to ask Alastair.” Cordelia softly says. She has no doubt that Alastair will be a wonderful guide and inspiration to his nephew, and she knows that if anything were to happen to her or Jamie, Alastair would raise his nephew with just as much love and care as Cordelia and James would, and would bring him up to be a wonderful and amazing person.

“I am very insulted and utterly heartbroken! I hope you are proud of yourselves James and Cordelia Herondale, you have absolutely shattered my heart and all my hopes and dreams, I shall never recover!” Matthew cries dramatically, throwing his head back and throwing his arm over his face, all the while fake sobbing.  

“Shadowhunting is wasted on you Math, you would be an excellent actor.” James says, shaking his head at Matthew’s antics. 

“Oh I know, it is absolutely dreadful! I belong on the stage, not in battle!” Matthew exclaims, peeking at James through the gap between his arm and face. 

Cordelia and James spend a few more hours with The Merry Thieves, before they decide to pay Will and Tessa a visit at The Institute and tell them about the baby. 

As predicted, both Tessa and Will are utterly thrilled, especially Will who is delighted that his first grandchild will be half Carstairs and half Herondale, and Tessa is very happy that the baby is due around the time of her birthday, these last few years birthdays have been bittersweet for Tessa, though there is only a year between she and Will, Will is starting to show his age, while Tessa looks exactly as she did at 21. 

Of course it is not that Will is going gray and getting wrinkles that upsets Tessa, she will always love him no matter what, but every sign of aging that Will shows and she does not, reminds her that one day in the not too far future, she will loose Will and she will never be able to have the comfort of knowing that one day they will meet again. However, knowing that this year she will have a sweet and beautiful grandchild to love, makes the idea of her birthday a lot less frightening and painful. 

The months fly by, with Cordelia receiving check ups from Jem every few weeks. James wanted to decorate the nursery by himself, insisting that Cordelia should rest and let him do all the hard work, however one steely look from his wife and James relented, and together the two of them decorated the nursery, often ending the day with Cordelia sat in the rocking chair under the window of the nursery, with James kneeling by her side, his head bent to her stomach as he talks to the baby and reads to him. 

Just two days before her due date, Cordelia feels the first contraction, when walking through Hyde Park with Lucie, discussing Lucie’s first novel that was published just weeks before. When Cordelia felt the first pain, it sends Lucie into a right panic, one would think she is giving birth, not Cordelia. Lucie quickly helps her parabatia back to the carriage, where Cyril Tanner’s son Edward Tanner, is waiting. Edward was born just a few months before Lucie, and like his father he now serves the Shadowhunters at The London Institute, his main duty being chauffeur, like his father.

Just 2 hours after feeling the first pain, Cordelia gave birth to her son, a beautiful and perfect little boy who is the very image of his father, with thick black hair just like James, brown skin like Cordelia and somehow, big grey eyes, just like Tessa.

While Tessa and Lucie stayed with Cordelia while she labored, James, Matthew, Christopher, Thomas, Anna, Alastair and Ariadne waited outside, in the small area that they use as a waiting room for the infirmary. The boys had come to support James and meet their nephew as soon as possible, while Anna had shown up to keep the peace, knowing James would likely be very on edge and snap at someone, causing a row, and Ariadne had come to help her wife keep the peace, and to be another person to help Cordelia (who she is close friends with) if she so wanted. Before they came to The Institute, Anna and Ariadne had dropped Benjamin off with Cecily and Gabriel, who were thrilled to spend time with their grandson.

Undoubtedly, the two most nervous people in the room are James and Alastair, James worried about his wife and son, while Alastair is concerned for his little sister and his nephew. James has been pacing up and down the length of the room practically the whole time, wincing every time he hears Cordelia scream in pain, from the infirmary. 

Alastair meanwhile, has sat quietly the whole time, worrying at his lip, also wincing every time there is a yell of pain. 

Now, as he sits thinking of his sister and wanting to do anything and everything he can to relieve her pain, Alastair feels a warm hand land on his shoulder, and he turns to see Ariadne sitting beside him and looking at him with concern.

 Years ago, when Charles broke off his engagement with Ariadne and Alastair broke off his relationship with Charles, Ariadne and Alastair became fast friends, both knowing the pain of feeling like you are not good enough in your parents’ eyes, as well as the pain of being attracted to the same sex, when so many people view it as wrong, evil and sinful. They also both knew how horrible Charles can be.

Ariadne shared how though she was glad not to be marrying Charles any longer, she was upset at how he treated her, brushed her aside, almost ruining her reputation while she was unconscious after being attacked by a demon. 

Alastair in turn told her how hurt and angry he was that Charles simply seemed to use him, how he claimed he did love him but would never even consider telling anyone else, not even his parents, who he knew were very open and accepting, due to Matthew never hiding the fact that he is attracted to both men and women. It was obvious that Charles loved nothing and no one more than his job. 

Over the years they grew closer and closer, and have been very good friends for a long time now, Alastair is always first on call for babysitting little Benjamin and is undoubtedly one of his favorite uncles, and one day if Alastair and Thomas have a child, there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that Ariadne will be godmother and the little one’s favorite Aunt.

“Are you alright?” Ariadne quietly asks. Alastair smiles weakly and nods. 

“Yes, thank you, just worried for Cordelia and her baby.” Alastair replies. Ariadne slips her hand into his and squeezes it reassuringly. 

“Of course you are, she is your sister and she is going through something right now that you cannot help her with, I cannot fully understand as I do not have siblings, but you know I love Kit and Alex as my own brothers, I cannot imagine hearing them in such awful pain and being able to do nothing to help them.”  Ariadne softly says, trying her best to sooth and re-assure her friend. 

“It is possibly one of the most awful things I have ever endured, I have always felt it my place to protect Cordelia, that is why I kept my father’s drinking problem a secret, even though it killed me inside I could not let it affect our Layla. Now I wish I could go in there and take all her pain, I would do anything to help her.” Alastair quietly says in a strained tone. 

“Oh Alastair, I understand this must be absolutely terrifying for you, but childbirth is completely natural and Cordelia has the best medical support one could wish for, Brother Zachariah delivered practically everyone in this room, apart from you and I, and he cares about Cordelia just as much as you do, he is your family after all and he will do anything and everything to ensure that Cordelia and her baby are well and healthy.” Ariadne gently explains. Before Alastair can reply, they hear a loud cry coming from the infirmary, causing James to immediately stop pacing.

Just a few minutes later, Tessa appears in the doorway, smiling brightly at them all. 

“Mama, are they alright? Cordelia and the baby?” James asks in a concerned tone, rushing to his mother’s side.

“Yes my love, they are both perfectly well. You have a very healthy little boy, Jamie.” Tessa softly assures him. 

“Can I see him? and Daisy?” James hopefully asks. 

“Of course, Cordelia has been asking for you. Come on.” Tessa gently guides her son into the infirmary, to meet his son for the first time.

About twenty minutes later, Alastair is called in to meet his nephew, and in no time at all he finds himself sitting in a chair by Cordelia’s bed, cradling his tiny little nephew in his arms, utterly relived that both he and Cordelia are alright. 

“Well I have to admit it Layla, you made one very handsome and adorable little boy.” Alastair says in an amused tone, softly stroking the baby’s cheek. Cordelia laughs lightly, leaning back into the pillows behind her. 

“Thank you, I think so too.” 

“Have you chosen a name for him, or shall he forever be ‘Little fellow’ and ‘Little Chap’?” Alastair asks. Cordelia’s smile broadens at this, excitement lighting up her face.

“His name is Owen Alastair Herondale.” Cordelia proudly announces, rendering her brother absolutely speechless. 

“I.... Oh Layla I.... I honestly do not what to say.” Alastair stammers. He had not been expecting this at all, but he simply could not be more thrilled. 

“Well I do have one other thing to tell you that I very much hope you will have a response to. You already know that we have asked Lucie to be his Godmother, and Alastair, James and I would love it if you would agree to be Owen’s Godfather.” Cordelia softly says. Alastair quickly feels tears fill his eyes, and his throat tighten. Not too long ago he was certain that no one would ever care for him, after the nasty rumors he spread about Matthew Fairchild, as well as Charlotte Fairchild and Gideon Lightwood. Yet here he is now, holding his nephew who was named after him, being asked to be the little fellow’s Godfather, while his friends and boyfriend wait outside just a few feet away. 

“You seem rather instant on making me cry today Layla.” Alastair laughs, wiping at his tears. “But I shall forgive you, and of course I will be Owen’s Godfather, it would be my absolute pleasure and honor.” Cordelia grins and leans forward to peck her brother on the cheek. 

“Thank you, I love you Alastair.” Alastair makes a face and dramatically wipes at the spot where Cordelia had kissed him on the cheek, before smiling softly at her and leaning forward to kiss her forehead. 

“I love you too Layla.”

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

"I can tell you're lying" please? X

Featuring some canon- post the first defeat of IT, reddie cuteness. 

* * * * *

The walk home from the sewers was absolutely revolting. Each step that Eddie took, his shoes would squelch thanks to the grey water, and his skin was covered in grime. He knew that the second his mother spotted him, she’d drag him straight to the ER to make sure he hadn’t caught any infectious diseases

Still, he pushed his bike onwards, the rest of the losers a few steps ahead as they walked with one another to their houses. Even though the murderous clown was seemingly gone, for now, Eddie still couldn’t help but look over his shoulder. Just in case.

“Hey, Eds,” the voice of his best friend, Richie, caught him off guard and he looked up, his eyes narrowing just a little. He never said anything though, as Richie still had this haunted look in his eyes, one he had never seen before and wanted to ask about, but he didn’t.

“Yeah, Rich?” He asked instead, letting Richie slow down so they could walk side by side. “What is it?”

Richie was silent for a few more seconds, and Eddie was about to ask again when he finally replied. “You can shower at my place if you want? So your mom doesn’t see you all dirty. Don’t want to give her any other reason to hate us, right?” There was a teasing tone to his voice, but he still looked terrified, and therefore it fell flat.

“I’d love that,” Eddie agreed, the thought of having a warm shower and cleaning himself up, and not having to risk going to the hospital was too much to turn down.

They stopped at the shortcut that would lead them to Richie’s house and Richie whistled to catch the others attention, “Eds is going to use my shower so, we’ll just head there. See you at the quarry tomorrow?”

The others all agreed, giving the two of them a wave as they walked down the alley towards Richie’s street. Even though earlier that day, Eddie had watched as Henry Bowers tumbled down a well to his death, he still couldn’t help but feel that he would...appear. He never did though, and they both made it to Richie’s place in one piece.

Maggie and Went weren’t home, thank goodness. Eddie loved Richie’s parents, they were like his second family, so if they had seen the state of them there would definitely have been questions. Richie let Eddie shower first, and even let him borrow some of his clothes that would definitely be too big for him, but they smelled like his best friend, so Eddie couldn’t care.

Not that he would ever admit that to Richie. His head was big enough.

Eddie turned off the spray and stepped out of the shower, drying off and slipping into the clothes before letting Richie take his turn. For the rest of the night, they read comics and tried to take each other’s mind off of what had happened mere hours ago. It was going to take a miracle for Eddie to fall asleep tonight, or any night in the near future.

“I should go home now,” Eddie mumbled, running a hand through his damp curls as he looked at the clock. It was almost eight. “I don’t want to end up on a milk carton.”

Richie snorted, but nodded his head, “You’re right. Let me walk you home, yeah?” He asked and Eddie nodded. He didn’t want to walk home alone. Not yet anyway. They dressed quickly and made their way down the stairs and back down the street towards Eddie’s house.

They were silent for a while, just listening to the sound of their shoes hitting the gravel, until Eddie couldn’t quite take it anymore. As they walked, their fingers just brushing against each other and Eddie felt a blush rise up on his cheeks. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, or the first time Eddie wanted their fingers to lace together.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked after a few more seconds of silence. Normally, Richie was the one who was laughing and telling jokes with his loud mouth, this was the longest he’d ever been quiet. “I mean, as okay as can be after defeating a crazy murder clown?”

There was a beat before Richie nodded his head, “Yeah, of course I’m fine Eds, why wouldn’t I be?” He asked, looking at Eddie but he could see that there was...something in his eyes. The look didn’t convince Eddie that Richie was fine.

“I can tell you’re lying,” Eddie whispered after a few moments and he came to a stop, turning his full body to face his best friend. “I mean, of course you aren’t okay! We almost died! I broke my arm for fucks sake but you- you still felt like you had to lie to me? Why?”

Richie blinked, letting out a very soft chuckle, “You’re right, Eds,” he sighed. “Everytime I close my eyes I see that fucking clown and…” he shook his head. “Doesn’t matter Eds. Not anymore. What matters is that it’s over right? It’s over and we can get back to our normal lives like it never happened.”

“But- but it did happen,” Eddie whispered as they started walking again. “It happened but we- we all were there and so we- we have each other to lean on, right?”

By the time Eddie had stopped talking, they were standing outside of his house, the light from the living room making it clear his mother was still awake and waiting for him. Richie stuffed his hands into his pockets and smiled at Eddie, a warm smile that caused Eddie to smile back, for the first time in...what felt like weeks.

“You should probably go inside,” Richie mumbled. “Before your mom has an aneurysm.” He pointed to the house where the light from the TV flickered against the window. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Eds. Okay? Get some sleep.”

As Richie made a move to take the walk back to his house, Eddie jumped into action, wrapping his good hand around Richie’s wrist and stopping him from leaving. “Wait-” he forced out when Richie gave him an odd look. Before he could talk himself out of it, Eddie leaned up and pressed a kiss to Richie’s cheek. “Thanks...for everything.”

Eddie flushed when he pulled away, Richie frozen in place for a second before a hand came up to brush against the skin of his cheek where Eddie’s lips had just been. “I-” he stammered, clearing his throat. “Anytime Eds. Anytime.”

That night, Eddie fell asleep with a smile on his face and for the first time in...forever, he felt that everything was going to be okay.

* * * * * 

@richietoaster @tozier-boy @eds-trashmouth @bitchbrak @sloppybitchreddie @its-stranger-than-you-think @maximusfraker @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @thejadeazalea @halfway-happy353 @tinyarmedtrex @inthebreadbinwrites @kat-ships-everything @takeourpure @lo-v-ers @that-weird-girls-blog @studpuffin @s-s-georgie @reddie-for-anything @trashmouthtozierr @richietoizer @girasol-eddie @bi-bi-richie @honeybeehanlon @mars-14 @reddiesetandgo @marsisaplanetyall @xandertheundead @sedanleystanley @hawkinsbabe @beepbeeprichiellc @stellarbisexual @oldguybones @thundercatseddie @eduardoandale  @purplepoisonedgem @reddie-to-cryy @pink-psychic @violetreddie @deadlighten @queen-sock @appojoos @moonlightrichie @rreddies @disneyfan567 @annxmatron @lifesucksheres20bucks @anellope @roobarrtrashmouth @are-you-reddie-for-it @callmechee @nancynwheeler @reddieforlove @twoidiotsinl0ve @madi-artist @tozierking @s-onora 

[path-of-my-childhood]

USA Today: What Is Taylor Listening To?

Below is the list of all the songs that originally appeared on Brian Mansfield’s USA Today article “Taylor Swift is listening to...” (from November 12th 2008). Article and list of songs can still be accessed with the help of Wayback Machine, if the Flash is enabled in your browser. Enjoy!

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Acceptance - Different

Aerosmith - Dream On

Alana Grace - Black Roses Red

Alana Grace - Paranoid

Alanis Morissette - Hands Clean

Alison Krauss & Union Station - If I Didn't Know Any Better

Alison Krauss & Union Station - New Favorite

Amos Lee - Colors

Anna Nalick - Breathe (2 AM)

Anna Nalick - Catalyst

Anna Nalick - Forever Love

Anna Nalick - In The Rough

Anna Nalick - Paper Bag

Anna Nalick - Wreck Of The Day (Live)

Aslyn - Be The Girl

Augustana - Sweet and Low

Avril Lavigne - Fall To Pieces

Avril Lavigne - Why

Backstreet Boys - All I Have To Give

Backstreet Boys - Climbing The Walls

Backstreet Boys - Crawling Back To You

Backstreet Boys - Incomplete

BarlowGirl - Never Alone

Ben Folds - Landed

Ben Folds - The Luckiest

Ben Folds Five - Brick

Ben Jelen - Come On

Ben Lee - Catch My Disease

Better Than Ezra - Breathless

Better Than Ezra - Our Last Night

Beyoncé - If I Were A Boy

Beyoncé - Irreplaceable

Beyoncé - Me Myself And I

Beyoncé ft. Bun B, Slim Thug - Check On It

Big & Rich - Holy Water

Big & Rich - Save A Horse [Ride A Cowboy]

Billy Currington - Why, Why, Why

Billy Gilman - Clueless

Billy Joel - Uptown Girl

Billy Mack - Christmas Is All Around

Blake Shelton - Austin

Blake Shelton - Don’t Make Me

Blake Shelton - It Ain't Easy Bein' Me

Blake Shelton - Nobody But Me

Blink-182 - Feeling This

Blink-182 - What's My Age Again?

Blu Sanders - Like the Movies

Blu Sanders - We All Lose It

Blu Sanders - You By Her Side

Bone Crusher ft. Killer Mike, T.I. - Never Scared

Bonnie Somerville - Winding Road

Boys Like Girls - Hero/Heroine (Acoustic)

Boys Like Girls - Thunder

Brad Paisley - It Did

Brad Paisley - Whiskey Lullaby

Brandi Carlile - Fall Apart Again

Brandi Carlile - The Story

Brandi Carlile - Throw It All Away

Brandi Carlile - Turpentine

Brandi Carlile - What Can I Say

Brett Dennen - She's Mine

Britney Spears - (You Drive Me) Crazy (The Stop Remix!)

Britney Spears - Do Somethin’

Britney Spears - Everytime

Britney Spears - I Love Rock 'N' Roll

Britney Spears - I'm A Slave 4 U

Britney Spears - Lucky

Britney Spears - My Prerogative

Britney Spears - Outrageous

Britney Spears - Sometimes

Britney Spears - Toxic

Britney Spears ft. Pharrell Williams - Boys (Co-ed Remix)

Britney Spears ft. Ying Yang Twins - (I Got That) Boom Boom

Brooke Fraser - Deciphering Me

Bruce Robinson - All Over But The Cryin'

Bruce Robinson - Virginia

Cartel - Honestly

Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone - Ridin'

Chantal Kreviazuk - In This Life

Chingy - Holidae In

Chris Brown - Gimme That

Chris Brown ft. Juelz Santana - Run It!

Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, Pink - Lady Marmalade

Ciara - Get Up

Coheed and Cambria - The Suffering

Colbie Caillat - Battle

Colbie Caillat - Feelings Show

Colbie Caillat - Magic

Colbie Caillat - One Fine Wire

Colbie Caillat - Oxygen

Colbie Caillat - The Little Things

Coldplay - Sparks

Coldplay - The Scientist

Coldplay - Trouble

Coldplay - Yellow

Concrete Blonde - Joey

Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On

Courtney Jaye - Can You Sleep

Cyndi Thomson - I Always Liked That Best

Damien Rice - 9 Crimes

Damien Rice - Delicate (Live)

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

Daniel Cage - Catch Me When I Fall

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Daniel Powter - Jimmy Gets High

Dashboard Confessional - As Lovers Go

Dashboard Confessional - Ghost Of A Good Thing

Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down

Dashboard Confessional - Rapid Hope Loss

Dashboard Confessional - Secret

Dashboard Confessional - Stolen

Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

Dave Barnes - Until You

David Banner ft. Magic, Lil Boosie - Ain't Got Nothing

David Gray - This Year's Love

David Mead - Nashville

Deana Carter - We Danced Anyway

Def Leppard - Armageddon It

Def Leppard - Bringin' On The Heartbreak

Def Leppard - Foolin'

Def Leppard - Hysteria

Def Leppard - Let's Get Rocked

Def Leppard - Love Bites

Def Leppard - Miss You In A Heartbeat

Def Leppard - Photograph

Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me

Def Leppard - Rocket

Del Amitri - Roll To Me

Dem Franchize Boyz - Ridin' Rims

Dem Franchize Boyz ft. Peanut & Charlay - Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It

Diana Anaid - Last Thing

Dido - Here With Me

Divinyls - I Touch Myself

Dixie Chicks - Cold Day in July

Dixie Chicks - Cowboy Take Me Away

Dixie Chicks - Easy Silence

Dixie Chicks - Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

Dixie Chicks - Goodbye Earl

Dixie Chicks - Long Time Gone

Dixie Chicks - Lullaby

Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice

Dixie Chicks - Top of the World

Dwight Yoakam - The Back Of Your Hand

Eagle-Eye Cherry - Save Tonight

Eamon - I Don't Want You Back

Emerson Drive - Fall Into Me

Eminem - Lose Yourself

En Vogue - Don't Let Go

Enrique Iglesias - Bailamos

Eva Cassidy - Songbird

Faith Hill - The Lucky One

Faith Hill - This Kiss

Fall Out Boy - Grand Theft Autumn

Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Goin Down

Family Force 5 - Love Addict

Fastball - Out Of My Head

Fefe Dobson - 8x10

Fefe Dobson - Bye Bye Boyfriend

Fefe Dobson - Don't Let It Go to Your Head

Fefe Dobson - Everything

Fefe Dobson - Revolution Song

Fefe Dobson - Rock It 'Til You Drop It

Fefe Dobson - Stupid Little Love Song

Fefe Dobson - Take Me Away

Foo Fighters - Best Of You

Fort Minor ft. Holly Brook & Jonah Matranga - Where'd You Go

Fountains of Wayne - All Kinds of Time

Frankie J ft. Baby Bash - Obsession (No Es Amor)

Gabrielle - Out Of Reach

Gary Allan - Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Gary Allan - Nickajack Cave

Gary Allan - Promise Broken

Gary Burr - What Mattered Most

Gavin DeGraw - (Nice to Meet You) Anyway

Gavin DeGraw - Belief

Gavin DeGraw - Chariot

Gavin DeGraw - Chemical Party

Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through

Gavin DeGraw - I Don't Want To Be

Gavin DeGraw - Just Friends

Gavin DeGraw - Meaning

Gavin DeGraw - More Than Anyone

Gavin DeGraw - Overrated

George Strait - Blue Clear Sky

George Strait - Carrying Your Love With Me

George Strait - Heartland

George Strait - I Can Still Make Cheyenne

George Strait - One Night At A Time

George Strait - Run

George Strait - The Best Day

Gin Blossoms - Found Out About You

Goo Goo Dolls - Here Is Gone

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

Grace Potter And The Nocturnals - Apologies

Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl

Gwen Stefani - The Sweet Escape

Heidi Newfield - Johnny And June

Hellogoodbye - Here In Your Arms

Hillary Lindsey - Over You

Hinder - Better Than Me

Hinder - Lips Of An Angel

Hope Partlow - Don't Go

Howie Day - Collide

Howie Day - She Says

Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am

Jack Ingram - Hold On

Jack Ingram - Make A Wish (Coming Home Again)

Jack Ingram - Maybe She'll Get Lonely

Jack Ingram - Measure Of A Man

Jack Johnson - Better Together

Jack Johnson - Good People

Jack Johnson - Taylor

Jake Owen - Eight Second Ride

Jake Owen - Ghosts

Jake Owen - Hard Not To Love You

Jake Owen - Startin' With Me

James Blunt - Carry You Home

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

James Blunt - You’re Beautiful

Jann Arden - Insensitive

Jason Aldean - Why

Jason Mraz - I’m Yours

JAY-Z ft. UGK - Big Pimpin'

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

Jem - 24

Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul

Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know

Jesse McCartney - The Best Day Of My Life

Jessica Andrews - Baby To Love You Once

Jessica Andrews - More To Me Than You

Jessica Andrews - More To Me Than You (acoustic)

Jessica Andrews - Second Sunday

Jet - Look What You've Done

Jewel - Good Day

Jewel - You Were Meant For Me

Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me

Jimmy Eat World - If You Don’t, Don’t

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

Joanna - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Joanna - Screaming Infidelities

Joanna - Ultraviolet

John Mayer - Comfortable

John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

John Mayer - Waiting On the World to Change

John Mayer - Your Body Is A Wonderland

Johnny Cooper - Everything

Johnny Cooper - Texas To You

Jon McLaughlin - Beautiful Disaster

Jonas Brothers - Burnin' Up

Jonas Brothers - Tonight

Jonas Brothers - Year 3000

Joseph Arthur - Honey And The Moon

Josh Kelley - Amazing

Josh Rouse - It's the Nighttime

Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River

Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around Comes Around

K-Ci & JoJo - All My Life

KT Tunstall - Other Side Of The World

Kanye West - Diamonds From Sierra Leone

Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger

Kari Kimmel - Notice Me

Katie Herzig - Fool's Gold

Katie Herzig - Sweeter Than This

Katy Perry - Hot N Cold

Katy Perry - Thinking Of You

Keith Urban - Better Life

Keith Urban - I Told You So

Keith Urban - Making Memories Of Us

Keith Urban - Somebody Like You

Kelis - Brass In Pocket

Kelis - Milkhake

Kellie Pickler - Best Days Of Your Life

Kellie Pickler - Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You

Kelly Clarkson - Low

Kelly Clarkson - Miss Independent

Kelly Clarkson - Some Kind of Miracle

Kelly Clarkson - The Trouble With Love Is

Kenny Chesney - Big Star

LFO - Every Other Time

Landon Pigg - Can't Let Go

LeAnn Rimes - But I Do Love You

LeAnn Rimes - Damn

LeAnn Rimes - The Right Kind Of Wrong

LeAnn Rimes - This Love

LeAnn Rimes - You Are

Leigh Nash - Last Christmas

Lenny Kravitz - Again

Lenny Kravitz - American Woman

Lifehouse - Everything

Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz - Kings Of Crunk

Lil Scrappy - No Problem

Lil Scrappy ft Young Buck - Money In The Bank

Lil Wayne - Go DJ

Lisa Loeb - I Do

Little Big Town - Boondocks

Little Big Town - Bring It On Home

Liz Phair - Everything To Me

Liz Phair - Why Can’t I

Loretta Lynn - Fist City

Lori McKenna - Your Next Lover

Mandy Moore - I Wanna Be With You

Mannie Fresh - Real Big

Mark Wills - Take It All Out Of Me

Maroon 5 - Harder To Breathe

Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved

Maroon 5 - Shiver

Maroon 5 - Tangled

Maroon 5 - This Love

Mat Kearney - All I Need

Mat Kearney - Nothing Left To Lose

Mat Kearney - Where We Gonna Go From Here

Matchbox Twenty - If You're Gone

Matchbox Twenty - Long Day

Matt Nathanson - I Saw

Matt Wertz - Everything's Right

Matt Wertz - Red Meets Blue

Melissa Etheridge - I'm The Only One

Meredith Brooks - Bitch

Metro Station - Now That We're Done

Metro Station - Shake It

Michelle Branch - Breathe

Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You

Mike Jones - Flossin'

Mindy Smith - Come To Jesus

Miranda Lambert - Bring Me Down

Miranda Lambert - Greyhound Bound For Nowhere

Miranda Lambert - Gunpowder And Lead

Miranda Lambert - Kerosene

Miranda Lambert - Mama, I'm Alright

Miranda Lambert - More Like Her

Miranda Lambert - What About Georgia?

Missy Higgins - Warm Whispers

Mozella - You Wanted It

Morgane Hayes - If Ever There Was

Morgane Hayes - Lonely Anywhere

Morgane Hayes - Train To Tupelo

Mr. Big - To Be With You

My Chemical Romance - Helena

Nelly - Grillz

Nick Lachey - I Can't Hate You Anymore

Nick Lachey - What's Left Of Me

Nickelback - Far Away

Nina Gordon - Tonight And The Rest Of My Life

Norah Jones - Turn Me On 

Oasis - Wonderwall

OneRepublic - Apologize

Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

Pink - Just Like A Pill

Paramore - When It Rains

Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World

Pat Benatar - Anxiety (Get Nervous)

Pat Benatar - Fire And Ice

Pat Benatar - Heartbreaker

Pat Benatar - Hell Is For Children

Pat Benatar - Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Pat Benatar - I Need A Lover (live)

Pat Benatar - In The Heat Of The NIght

Pat Benatar - Little To Late

Pat Benatar - Looking For A Stranger

Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield (demo)

Pat Benatar - My Clone Sleeps Alone

Pat Benatar - Precious Time

Pat Benatar - Promises In The Dark

Pat Benatar - Shadows Of The NIght

Pat Benatar - Treat Me Right

Pat Benatar - We Live For Love

Pat Benatar - Wuthering Heights

Pat Benatar - You Better Run

Patty Griffin - Burgundy Shoes

Patty Griffin - Christina

Patty Griffin - Goodbye

Patty Griffin - Heavenly Day

Patty Griffin - One Big Love

Patty Griffin - Peter Pan

Patty Griffin - Rain

Patty Griffin - When It Don’t Come Easy

Phil Collins - Can't Stop Loving You

Pitbull - Ay Chico (Lengua Afuera)

Pitbull - C**o

Plain White T's - Hate (I Really Don't Like You)

Plumb - Blush (Only You)

Plumb - Stranded

Rachael Yamagata - Be Be Your Love

Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down

Rachel Proctor - Didn't I

Rasheeda ft. Lil' Scrappy - Rocked Away

Ray Charles - I've Got A Woman

Rebecca Lynn Howard - Forgive

Rihanna - SOS

Rihanna ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella

Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes

Rob Thomas - Ever The Same

Rogue Wave - Eyes

Ronnie Day - Outside

Ronnie Milsap - It Was Almost Like A Song

Ronnie Milsap - My Life

Ronnie Milsap - Smoky Mountain Rain

Ronnie Milsap - (There's) No Gettin' Over Me

Ryan Adams - Come Pick Me Up

SHeDAISY - In Terms Of Love

Santigold - L.E.S Artistes

Sarah Connor - Bounce

Sarah McLachlan - Fallen

Sarah McLachlan - Stupid

Savage Garden - I Want You

Savage Garden - Truly Madly Deeply

Seal - This Could Be Heaven

Secondhand Serenade - Maybe

Semisonic - Closing Time

Shakira - Don’t Bother

Shakira - Underneath Your Clothes

Sheryl Crow - It's So Easy

Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest

Shop Boyz - Party Like A Rock Star

Sia - Breathe Me

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Snow Patrol - Chocolate

Solange - Sandcastle Disco

Something Corporate - Ruthless

Space Girls - Wannabe

Staind - Everything Changes

Stephanie Chapman - Cowboy, I Tried

Stevie Nicks & Don Henley - Leather And Lace

Sunny Sweeney - Please Be San Antone

Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

Susan Haynes - Bottle Rocket

T-Pain ft. Mike Jones - I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)

T.I. - Top Back

T.I. - What You Know

Teddy Geiger - I Feel Like Dancing

Teddy Geiger - Try To Hard

The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret

The All-American Rejects - Swing, Swing

The Ataris - The Boys of Summer

The Calling - Wherever You Will Go

The Cardigans - I Need Some Fine Wine And You

The Corrs - Breathless

The Corrs - Summer Sunshine

The Fray - How To Save A Life

The Fray - Look After You

The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)

The Killers - Read My Mind

The Killers - When You Were Young

The Lemonheads - Into Your Arms

The Spill Canvas - All Hail The Heartbreaker

The Veronicas - 4ever

The Veronicas - Everything I'm Not

The Veronicas - When It All Falls Apart

The Wallflowers - Closer To You

The Wreckers - Cigarettes

The Wreckers - Crazy People

The Wreckers - Lay Me Down

The Wreckers - Leave The Pieces

The Wreckers - Stand Still, Look Pretty

The Wreckers - The Good Kind

The Wreckers - The Good Kind (acoustic)

Third Eye Blind - How's It Going To Be

Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

Three 6 Mafia - Side 2 Side

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

Thriving Ivory - Angels On The Moon

Tila Tequila - I Love You

Tim McGraw - Angry All The Time

Tim McGraw - Can't Tell Me Nothin'

Tim McGraw - Guess You Get Used To Somebody

Tim McGraw - Telluride

Tim McGraw - The Cowboy In Me

Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers - American Girl

Tori Amos - A Sorta Fairytale

Trace Adkins - Every Light In The House

Train - Meet Virginia

Trillville - Neva Eva 

Trisha Yearwood - I Don't Paint Myself Into Corners

Tyler Hilton - How Love Should Be

Tyler Hilton - Kiss On

Tyler Hilton - Missing You

Tyler Hilton - Up Late Again

U2 - One

U2 - With Or Without You

Unkle Bob - Swans

Vanessa Carlton - Who's To Say

Vertical Horizon - You're A God

We The Kings - Check Yes Juliet

Wheat - I Met A Girl

Yellowcard - Only One

Young Buck - Shorty Wanna Ride

Young Jeezy - Air Forces

Young Jeezy - Bottom Of The Map

Young Jeezy - Get Ya Mind Right

Young Jeezy ft. Bun B - Trap Or Die

Young Jeezy ft. Akon - Soul Survivor

Young Jeezy ft. T.I. & Lil Scrappy - Bang

Yung Joc - I Know You See It

Yung Joc ft. Nitti - It's Goin' Down

[minascarstairs]

tidings of comfort and joy..

>>>> AO3 LINK <<<<

for my bakery lady, you know who you are.

Jem Carstairs loves Christmas. 

When he’s little, Christmas in Shanghai consists of long dinners.

It consists of warm hugs from his mother.

Presents from England his father brings back for him. 

It consists of light, and laughter.

Of love.

It’s this, Jem thinks, this feeling.

He wants it to last forever.

___________________________________________

Christmases at the institute are bittersweet.

On the one hand, he misses the warmth of his family, his biological family. He misses when his time wasn’t limited, when his days felt endless. 

On the other, he has found a new family in England, chosen for himself. They’re friends, people who love him, people who, like him, each carry losses of their own.

This night, Christmas dinner at the institute is lively, and Jem can’t find a reason to complain when he has his parabatai to spend it with. 

“What is that!?” Will exclaims, once they’re all seated around the dinner table. 

“What is what?” Charlotte asks. Confused at the distaste in the boy’s tone.

“That…. thing!” Will points at the piece of meat like it has personally harmed him. 

“It’s cooked duck, William,” Jessamine’s shrill voice interrupts, annoyed at the dramatics, “it’s what the real high society has for Christmas.”

Jem anticipates what comes next: Will, with his peculiar fear of poultry will refuse to eat a bite, which will lead to exasperation from Charlotte and Sophie.

Jem watches in silence as the scene unfolds, smiling at his new, albeit loud, people. 

Christmases might be different now, compared to the Shanghai holidays shared with his parents, but this familiar display of rowdy affection brings a warmth to Jem’s frail heart. 

Christmases like this, he thinks, aren’t so bad.

___________________________________________

As a Silent Brother, Brother Zachariah stops celebrating Christmas. 

Instead, his nights now consist of time spent in the Silent City, of healing, but most of all, of eery, deadly silence. 

The Christmases at the beginning of his Brotherhood service are the hardest. He longs for what he used to have, of who he used to be. 

He thinks of times spent with his family in Shanghai, of holidays before, in a different lifetime. He thinks of his family, his loved ones. The people he misses. Of his mother, his father, of Will,

Of Tessa…

As a Silent Brother, Zachariah wonders if he’s even allowed to miss them, if, instead, he should just be glad he’s alive at all. 

One Christmas Eve, though time has become a hazy concept, Zachariah visits the Herondale residence, he doesn’t know why he does it, why he would subject himself to this way of silent torture, yet his feet seem to carry him there anyway. 

Standing on their doorstep, hand poised in a fist ready to knock on the door, he finds that he hesitates.

What is he doing?

Why is he here?

He’s vaguely aware of laughter somewhere, the faint sound of carols in the London streets.

The effects of his illness have prevented him from fully adhering to the Silent Brother laws, and It is moments like this that he longs, begs, for his ties to his humanity to be severed

 It’s moments like this when he’s sure he doesn’t quite fully belong anywhere anymore. His person drifting somewhere between Brother Zachariah and Jem Carstairs. 

Inside, a wave of warm laughter shocks him from his thoughts, and feeds the hollow feeling in his chest. 

Fisting his hands, he burrows his chin deeply in his robe. Then, Brother Zachariah turns from the door and starts making his way back through the harsh winter night. 

In silence. 

___________________________________________

His first Christmas with Tessa feels like pure magic.

Sitting in their London apartment, her sock-clad feet on his lap, he laughs at something Tessa is telling him. A joke of some sort, based on their shared memories of good old times. 

So far, their night has consisted of a three course meal, courtesy of Jem, but if you ask her, Tessa proclaims she helped him cook, a feat she’s, to his utter delight, decidedly not very good at. 

He smiles at the thought.

Currently, they’re watching Christmas movies on their couch, mugs of eggnog on their too small coffee-table. There’s something so domestic about it. It makes him smile.

Later, he thinks, she’ll give him a look, one that shows the glint in her eyes. A glint that’s so truly, irrevocably Tessa. She’ll shut off the TV, give him a teasing kiss, and pull him into their shared bedroom. The night undoubtedly ending in a mix of tangled limbs, undying laughter, and piles of Christmas sweaters on their bedroom floor.

For now, Tessa’s joke is followed by a comfortable silence, their apartment cozy and warm, though that could also be caused by the obscene amount of Eggnog they’ve consumed. 

Jem finds that he doesn’t mind the silence as much anymore, now that he doesn’t necessarily associate it with something bad. 

Instead, he revels in it. 

The kind of silence that only comes with blissful and utter content. 

It’s christmases like this, thinks Jem, that couldn’t possibly make him any happier.

____________________________________________

It itches. That’s all Jem can think about as he adjusts the fake white beard that’s hiding his entire chin from sight. His disguise is elaborate, meaning Tessa and Kit have gone all out to complete this particular mission. 

Helping him dress up in his five-piece Santa costume, Kit can’t help the mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Looking good, old man,” Kit teases, handing him his bright red Christmas hat.

Though his Mina had yet to turn one, she revelled in the Christmas spirit, her beautiful face lighting up every time Tessa turned on the Christmas lights or brought home a new stuffed animal to add to her collection. 

Adventurous as their baby was, Tessa had promised her she could meet Santa this year. 

Jem was all but glad to provide, even if it meant donning this ridiculous costume. 

Quietly entering their dimly-lit living room, Jem plants a sack of presents under their tree, a tree that him and Tessa had carefully trimmed to match their victorian decor. Containing an ornament that represents each member of their family, the tree covers a large part of their living room. There’s a little violin for him, a cat bauble for Church, a book for Tessa, a tiny Batman for Kit, but also a tiny duckling, and a Chinese lantern to remind him of Christmases past.

As if on cue, the door creaks open, revealing his wife in her night robe, carrying a wide-eyed baby on one arm. 

“Look, Mina!” Tessa whispers to their baby. 

Jem still can’t help but think of her as a tiny miracle. 

“Look who’s here!” her voice carrying a tone of wonder.

Mina’s tiny giggles echo through the room, also summoning Kit from his bedroom, sporting a knowing smile on his face.

“Min, look! Isn’t this cool? Santa came to visit!”

Though growing up as an only child, Kit had really taken to Mina, going out on outings of his own, and having his own inside jokes with her. Or, at least, Jem thought they were inside jokes. 

“Say bye Santa!” Kit says as he takes her hand and encourages the baby to wave.

Giving Jem a wink, Tessa ushers both of them out of the room, no doubt already preoccupied with trying to get their energetic baby to sleep through the night after such an incredibly exciting ordeal. 

On Christmas day tomorrow, Jem will undoubtedly be reminded of the people they both have lost. Of his parents, of his second family, of their Will, of her children. But most of all, they will celebrate what they have. How a new chance of life was given to both of them. They’ll huddle by their fireplace, enjoy Jem’s cooking, watch one of Kit’s movies, and Tessa will undoubtedly demand Jem play a Christmas carol for them. 

Jem, though prideful, can admit that he’s wrong sometimes. 

Christmases like this, are the best. 

[emms-jules]

Catch Fire - Chapter 1

First chapter is up! Hope you guys like it! I did my research before using Mexican references, but if there’s still some mishap feel free to correct me! Happy reading! :)

Prologue: https://emms-jules.tumblr.com/post/618542288757571584/catch-fire

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269344

If Emma was asked that question five years ago, she would have easily said numerous reasons.

"I want to be with Julian. I want to officially be his. I want to spend my travel year with him. I want to answer his calls. I want to reply to his messages. I want to say I’m sorry. I want to take care of the kids with him. I want us to damn our lives as long as we got to live it."

But this was a different time now. She may still want the same things, but the person she wants to be with might not want it anymore.

Chapter 1

2018

“La hermana! Go!”

Emma leaped from the building, her blonde hair trailing behind her, and sliced the Eidolon demon in two. The demon made inhumane sounds before it vanished, the creature back to its true dimension. Cristina rushed up to Emma, smiling. “Bien hecho! Bien hecho!”

Emma laughed, cleaning Cortana using one of the fallen cloth from the dancers in the parade. “Tina, everything I do is well done.” She tossed the cloth full of demon ichor away in disgust. “Not the way I planned my Cinco de Mayo night though.”

Cristina rolled her dark brown eyes. “Like you enjoyed the last four ones anyway. You just either go on the roof of the Institute or smuggle enchiladas to your room!”

Emma shrugged. “Your mother’s enchiladas are the best!” 

Cristina shook her head. The two started walking back to the Institute, which was the other way from the parade and the festivities. It didn’t matter though, since the Rosales family hosted their own celebration back at the Institute. For five years, Mexico had been Emma’s home, if there ever was one. 

Cristina’s phone rang. She pulled it from her pocket and looked at the screen, emitting a Spanish curse from her. “Mark just texted. We have ten minutes to get to the Institute before Mama hits our heads with a plato!”

Taking Emma’s hand, they took off in the night.

-----

Upon reaching the Institute, they were greeted by Mark Blackthorn. He and Cristina exchanged a few kisses, releasing a sound of disgust from Emma. Mark laughed while Cristina rolled her eyes.

“Everyone is by the gardens, but I suggest you dress to the occasion first.” Mark said. Cristina agreed and with a peck for Mark, left to change. 

Emma was about to follow when Mark grabbed her arm. She tried to shake her nervousness away. Being alone with Mark will only result in one thing. Talking about someone. “Hi, Mark.”

“Cristina told me about your decision. Are you sure you want to do that?” He asked, his voice laced with concern. 

Mark is a gorgeous blonde boy with two different shades of eyes that shows two parts of himself. One gold eye represents his Faerie heritage, specifically his time on the Wild Hunt, and one blue-green eye, the color of the sea, marks him as a member of a distinct family, the Blackthorns. He is also Julian’s older brother, though his time with the fey made him the same age as Julian now.

Emma faked a hurt expression. “Don’t you want me back in Los Angeles?” 

Mark turned more serious. “You know what I mean, Emma. Are you ready to face Julian?”

Hearing his name made Emma's heart hurt. This was what he wanted to avoid, and has been doing a good job at until today. She knows that Mark was only asking for her wellbeing, and most likely her brother’s as well, since Emma is certain that her former parabatai hates him now.

She sighed. “Dru has been begging that I come back now. She’s just turned 18, and wants Christina and I to introduce her to adulthood. Helen wants me back for her daughter’s birthday, since I’m the godmother, or so she says. Ty’s assigned by the Scholomance in Los Angeles, so he’s coming home. Tavvy also wants me to be the one to train him, says he looks up to me and everything. Also, don’t you wish Tina to be with you back in the Institute? Don’t tell me otherwise.”

It was Mark’s turn to sigh. “I do want that. I miss her there, which is why I try to visit her as much as I can here, but I also want you to be sure with your decision. Besides everyone giving you a reason to come back, do you have a reason that makes you want to?” He asked.

If Emma was asked that question five years ago, she would have easily said numerous reasons. I want to be with Julian. I want to officially be his. I want to spend my travel year with him. I want to answer his calls. I want to reply to his messages. I want to say I’m sorry. I want to take care of the kids with him. I want us to damn our lives as long as we got to live it. But this was a different time now. She may still want the same things, but the person she wants to be with might not want it anymore.

“I just want to be there for you, guys. You’ve given me a family when I had none, and even after I left the Institute, you still accepted me and what I’ve done. You always reached out and made me feel like I’m still part of that family. I think I can finally pay that back.” She replied instead, and though it was not her reasons before, she knows in her heart that all she said was true.

Mark regarded her for a moment before finally nodding. He offered her a smile and a hug. Emma feels that her statements were still not enough to please Mark, but the conversation is over for now. Hopefully forever.

“We’ll all be home soon, then.”

Emma truly wished that it would still feel like that once she’s there.

-----

Once Emma was able to take a quick shower and dress herself up in a tight orange floral top and an accompanying maxi skirt, she left her room and immediately went to the garden. When she arrived, food was already being served. Apart from the Rosales family, some other families went to the Institute to celebrate the event. 

She recognized three faces. Nasreen Chaudhury, from the Mumbai Institute, was conversing with Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway, Clary’s parents. Last time Emma heard from her somewhat older sister, the pair was traveling and was currently in India, where they may have been welcomed by Nasreen. 

Emma greeted them with a nod as she went to get herself a plate. Cristina and Mark approached her there and got themselves food as well. “Diego and Divya send their regards. They’re busy in New York right now, and cannot portal to come.” Cristina explained.

Diego Rosales was a graduate of the Scholomance and Tina’s ex-boyfriend. He fought alongside Emma and the others against the Cohorts five years ago. After that, Alec Lightwood, Jace’s parabatai and Magnus Bane’s husband, was appointed Consul. However, they lost Idris soon after, since the remaining Cohort members don’t want to acknowledge him in the position. Alec decided to leave them be and gave all Shadowhunters a choice to leave the world and stay in Idris, or go out and fulfill their mandate. The country of Shadowhunters is now closed from the world, no one can enter it, and no one can leave it.

For those who chose to stay outside of Idris, a new form of the Clave was birthed. Alec gave Diego the position of the Inquisitor, and the center of their ruling was transferred to the New York Institute. This was where Alec originally resided, and he wants to be there for his kids Max and Rafael. Once Diego accepted the position, he and his girlfriend, Divya, settled there as well.

“What did your mother say now that Perfect Diego missed Cinco de Mayo for the first time?” Emma jokingly asked, earning a laugh from Mark. 

Tina shook her head in turn. “Mama is disappointed, but she’ll live. We’re all grown up now and need to set out in the world. Besides, I’m also leaving her in a week.” She replied.

The trio took their filled plates and settled in a nearby coffee table and ate. The ambiance of the garden was still serene, despite the celebration. The presence of nature sent a calm wind throughout the garden. A mariachi band was playing music that sounded festive that doesn’t get your mind throbbing. Children were dancing near them, accompanied by some elders. There was a faint chatter in the air among the tables, where Emma could hear adults talking about different things. The smell of food wafted in the air, that even though she already has a plate full of it, sends an invitation for another round. 

Mark and Cristina were conversing with themselves between bites. Emma decided to continue eating and just observe the surroundings. Mexico was not hard to fall in love with. She remembers her first thoughts when she and Cristina portaled here. The Mexico Institute was a one story villa only, but the land was wide, spanning a few hectares. And despite the Institute having one floor, it is set on high ground, giving a fantastic view of the city below. This is one of the reasons why Emma was often found on the roof. Another is that it brings back wonderful childhood memories with someone. 

Reminiscing her first time in Mexico brings back another memory, though a painful one. She recounts the events that happened before she set foot on the Institute’s doors.

She remembers asking for Cristina’s help just after she woke up in the Basilias. She tells her of her dream, and that she needs to leave as soon as she can. She pleads Tina that she doesn’t tell anyone else. She pleads that Tina help her have a place at the Institute in Mexico, like they planned during her travel year. She pleads that she immediately leave once she got her things from the Institute, it didn’t matter if the other girl was coming or not, and she cannot ask her for this, knowing that she is finally happy with Mark. But Cristina listened and understood, and she accepted. “You won’t go through this alone, Emma Carstairs.” She said. “I am coming with you.” 

She remembers herself asking for Jem, and begging him to get her back to Los Angeles quickly. Despite Emma’s confusing requests, he brings Tessa to the room, the four of them portaling. She remembers rushing up to her room, Cristina to hers, and they quickly pack their things. She remembers passing by Julian’s room, and walking in at the last minute to grab a worn shirt of his, filled with paint splotches. She remembers crying as she puts it in her bag. She remembers going outside the Institute, seeing Tessa and Jem and a portal waiting for them.  She remembers finding the Blackthorns rushing to get to her. She remembers them calling her name in confusion, but a voice stood out.

“Emma? Where are you going?” Julian asks, confused and still limping from his injuries as he approached. Upon realizing the presence of a portal, he quickly runs to reach her, his eyes pleading. “Emma, please no.”

She remembers herself crying as the boy she loves look desperate. She remembers wanting to run to him, to embrace him, to soothe him, to be with him.

Instead, she finds herself running to the portal, Cristina at her tail, before it vanishes behind them.

Emma suddenly feels hot tears spilling down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away and finds Mark and Cristina looking at her in concern. She offers them a weak smile and says, “I’m going back to my room.” before standing up and leaving the garden.

But she did not go back to her room. Instead, she goes to the roof of the Institute. Like the reason for her tears, going up the roof was an annoying habit. It did bring her a sense of contentment, seeing the view, but it brought more memories that she didn’t need to be reminded of. Maybe she loves the pain, however sadistic it makes her.

She settled herself at the edge of the roof, which overlooked the garden and the city. She pulled out her phone, scrolling through her messages. She received one from Dru earlier that day, sending her a trailer of an upcoming horror film and begging her to watch it with her once she’s back. She also sent a photo of herself and Tavvy, eating donuts. Ty messaged her three days ago, asking her to get him a rare Mexican bird “for research purposes”. Emma shook her head. Mark was also in her latest contacts, and before he came to Mexico, sent him a video of himself digging at the Institute’s new garden, made by himself. Tavvy was taking the video as Mark took a handful of dirt with worms sticking out, and the video was cut when he threw it on Tavvy’s face. That earned another laugh from her. 

She clicked Helen’s contact and scrolled through their shared pictures, before finding the one she was searching for. It was a photo of the Los Angeles Institute celebrating the latest New Year’s day, everyone’s faces stuffed with food. Helen transformed it into some sort of greeting card, and sent it to all her contacts. She sees Tavvy reaching for a slice of pizza with his greasy fingers. The 11-year-old was growing his hair longer now, saying it makes him look older in a way. For Emma, he was still the baby who called her “Memma”. Dru was wearing her usual gothic style, but unlike her 13-year-old self, she puts on mature pieces that highlights her assets. Emma was proud of her, remembering how Dru was insecure because of what their aunt told her once about her shape, but now she carries herself with confidence. She sees Ty, back for the holidays that time, his headphones on but still posing for the photo. He was drinking something in a cup, which Emma thinks is still fruit punch, despite Ty being 20 years old now. Mark was holding a bowl of fruits and caught jumping, fruits flying everywhere. A 23-year-old Helen and Aline were at the center of the photo, along with their baby girl, who Emma was yet to meet. The three were hugging each other, creating a cuter smaller family picture.

Finally, she looks at the boy at the far right of the picture, not looking at the camera, but shyly laughing at something while looking at his siblings. Julian. He was 22 years old now, like Emma. He looks more built and taller, and even though it’s been five years, Emma could still feel her heart thumping at the sight of him. What more when I see him? she thought.

She shook her head to rid her thoughts on Julian. This was not what the past five years was supposed to do to her. She closed her phone and settled it next to her. 

She could already see herself in a week, when she comes back to Los Angeles. The others will be happy to see her. They would tell her that they miss her, and recount events that she either missed or she already heard from them through calls or texts but want to repeat. She would settle back in her old room, which was untouched, but would be bombarded with the Blackthorns from time to time -all except one.

She could see Julian not eager of her presence. Avoiding her at all costs. Shutting himself in his painting room. She imagines his private room rid of all her portraits. His most hated color now was any shade of yellow. She could see him asking her what nerve she had to go back here, when Emma avoided any way he found to reach her. She could see him resenting her. Who wouldn’t resent their parabatai that left? Who wouldn’t resent someone who promised you a lifetime and left?

The people in the garden were shouting in excitement, breaking Emma’s trance. Suddenly, fireworks shot out to the sky and erupted in beautiful colors all throughout the city. Emma swallowed the lump in her throat. Ironic, that fireworks give off happiness, but all Emma could think of was that after it explodes, the sky would turn back to darkness.

[cakemagemaeve]

I’m having kind of a crappy Halloween for reasons I’ll get into later, but for now I’m going to try and rekindle my spooky spirit by posting pictures of all the Halloween costumes I did for Sharif over the years.

Here we are in 2003 as Death and Binky.  I’d owned him for nearly 5 years at that point, but this was the first time I’d had the opportunity to do anything Halloween-related with him, mainly due to the fact that for most of the time I’d had him at that point, he’d been super spooky (not in the Halloween sense, but in the “OH MY GOD THAT TWIG IS BENT FUNNY I’MA JUMP THREE FEET TO THE LEFT AND BOLT FOR THE BARN OH WAIT SHIT SHIT SHIT THAT CAT LOOKED AT ME BETTER SWERVE TO THE RIGHT AND HEAD FOR THE PASTURE INSTEAD OH NO THERE’S A TOWEL ON THE FENCE TIME TO BUCK” kinda way) and was generally an anxious wreck, so trying to do anything costume-related at that time would’ve been extremely unsafe.  It wasn’t his fault, mind.  He was, after all, a newly green-broke young Arabian (a typically high-strung breed to begin with), plus his previous owners had abused him, so you can’t really blame him for being scared of everything.  It took a whole lot of hard work, patience and trust-building to get him to calm down and relax enough to where I could do stuff like this with him, but it was well worth the effort.

In 2004 I hosted a costume contest at the ranch I’d moved Sharif too that summer, and he and I went as Pizzazz and Clash from Jem and the Holograms.  He wasn’t too sure about the wig I attached to his bridle, but he was a good sport about it anyway.  That poor horse put up with so much humiliation from me over the years. Anyway, we didn’t enter the contest itself as I felt that, since I was hosting it, it wouldn’t be right.  Instead, I helped judge it, and handed out the prizes I’d put together (1st prize was a grooming kit filled with candy, horse treats and grooming supplies).  Looking back, that was honestly one of the best nights of my life, and definitely the best Halloween I’ve ever had.

As it often does, life got in the way and so I wasn’t able to celebrate Halloween with Sharif again until 2009, when I painted him to look like a zombie My Little Pony.  Unfortunately, I ran out of fake blood before I got him as bloody as I wanted him to be, but I still think he looks great.  He was the prettiest zombie princess in the land. ♥   

The next year I was short on money and had recently had to start walking with a cane due to the onset of arthritis, but I still wanted to do something fun with Sharif for Halloween, so I hit up the Dollar Tree and got him a tiara and necklace, then used the last of the pink hairspray from the previous year and made him look even more like the perfect little princess he was.  I think he liked this costume better than all of the others.  He was like “Finally, you peasants have learned to recognize me for the royalty I am.  Now, your princess desires tribute in the form of peppermints and carrots.”

Unfortunately, that was the last year I was able to dress Sharif up for Halloween.  Between my rapidly diminishing health and even more rapidly diminishing bank account, I was never able to celebrate Halloween with my beautiful boy again.  I had long planned to dress him up as Rarity from My Little Pony, but by the time I was able to acquire everything I needed to do so, Sharif had gotten sick with amyloidosis, and while he had briefly shown signs of improvement during the Fall of 2017, I didn’t want to risk exacerbating things or stressing him out by painting his mane, tail and flanks or by attaching a unicorn horn to his bridle.  Of course, later he relapsed anyway, and that February I had to say goodbye to him forever.  It’s funny, you’d think it’d hurt less by now, but you’d be wrong.

Anyway, happy Halloween.  

[keyofshadows]

keyofshadows: So. I remembered the whole 'kissing at midnight on new year's' thing and the best part? 'Jem would have no idea that's a thing until Soren mentions something about kissing Ronan. And there's a pause and "...Anyone can do this?" Then one of her little smiles that Kai swears is a smirk. Then he gets ambushed at midnight and LIGHT DAMN IT 'JEM JHFDHFSDHH. /snicker

sstingray: eli should do it too

keyofshadows: Kai would kill him. Or dump him tied up on Ray's doorstep with a note: "I WAS A PUNK AND DESERVE A POP QUIZ"

sstingray: he hears her laughing from across radiant garden

keyofshadows: Kai is Unamused. He's your apprentice too at this point why is he being treated like this DON'T ANSWER THAT

sstingray: because it's funny

sstingray: he should know this by now

keyofshadows: He keeps hoping something will change. Hey, optimism!

sstingray: she'll stop when it stops being funny

keyofshadows: It'll never stop being funny. Poor Kai.

keyofshadows: Eli goes around complaining that Kai kisses like frozen fish. Kai just...yeah, okay, Eli, you want another trip to Agrabah? Because he's going to bury you under a sand dune.

sstingray: hey eli question - how do you know how a frozen fish kisses eh

keyofshadows: Pfffffffff He doesn't it's never happened IT WAS A JOKE AUNT RAY GEEZE

sstingray: oho do tell us more grasshopper

keyofshadows: Eli just flails and splutters 'cause he's never actually kissed a fish frozen or otherwise and then Ronan points out that time that he got smacked in the face with a trout suffering from blizzard probably counts.

sstingray: this is why we like ronan

keyofshadows: Ronan: Monopoly Master and Spiller of Embarrassing Secrets

sstingray: a dangerous combo indeed

keyofshadows: He's angelic 90% of the time. And Kai feels slightly - okay, MUCH better about the situation now. Because somehow he forgot about the trout and no, he didn't do it. It was 'Jem.

sstingray: hm, that's believable

keyofshadows: Totally could have been. She might have frozen a fish and tossed it in Eli's general direction and his face just happened to end up in the wrong place at the wrong time KAI YOU ARE A ROTTEN LIAR

sstingray: kai you really need to work on that

keyofshadows: He does. But do we also want KAI of all people being a good liar. He takes after his mother enough.

sstingray: guess he's gotta fail at something eh

keyofshadows: He'd probably argue that he fails at a lot more than that. Then end up with a pop quiz to improve his self-esteem. Lol

sstingray: that's fair tbh

keyofshadows: Kai is beginning to question the wisdom of asking Ray to teach him Thunder BECAUSE IT LED TO THIS

sstingray: hey. who else would be this hands on

keyofshadows: Eli. AND HE DOESN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT

sstingray: eli is still learning he can't be a teacher yet. but he can probably teach other things eyyyyyy

keyofshadows: Eli as a teacher is gonna be a fun time. Also Kai's just going to quietly sit in this corner here and pretend he doesn't exist because jgdsfhhddhbh

sstingray: wait til kai has an apprentice too

keyofshadows: Oh yeah, Auryn's going to give him migraines. Eli's kid so what did he expect

sstingray: tbh

keyofshadows: He might have better luck with Teagan or Raziel but neither of them end up with Keyblades. He doesn't know if he should be grateful or disappointed

sstingray: sucks for u boi

keyofshadows: Auryn's over here all proud of himself. /facepalms

sstingray: he should be tbh

keyofshadows: Because making his dad's boyfriend regret teaching him is always a good time. (While Kai just- there is no boyfriend thing going on here TIME TO GO HOME AURYN)

sstingray: auryn knows the truth

keyofshadows: Auryn is demonspawn, says his much put upon Master. 'Master Kai' is still the funniest thing ever but anyway

sstingray: don't talk about your boyfriend that way kai

keyofshadows: Yeah, Eli will just pout forever and ask what he can do to fix things. He knows! Candlelight dinners every Friday, if 'Jem and Specter don't have problems with it. Kai: /thunk

sstingray: good idea eli go for it

keyofshadows: Kai is thinking he needs to go ask Jalen to thank his wife for this. Amy: /innocence personified

She just has good genes

[dreamycloud1]

Think Piece for 3/21 and 3/22

SHADOWHUNTERS

Are there... even words for it? I can’t really think right now I’m just dazed and high on euphoria and also sadness??

This is it. The end of an era. For now, maybe forever. Only time will tell.

This episode had so many things to talk about I don’t even know where to start.

At at the end of the day I loved this series finale more than anything I had ever watched on television, in my life.

It started with the hunt to save Magnus. Alec was so willing to give everything to be with Magnus, he was willing to leave it all behind for the chance to be with his one true soul again. Izzy knew this.

Magnus was her friend, her brothers world and she was going to use the last of the life she thought she had to make him happy.

Clary, who was so happy to help her friends and used the one strength she had to get them all to Edom. They met up with Magnus (after he gets through politely telling Lilith to fuck off) and all take a part of Izzy’s pain to destroy the ENTIRETY of Edom. Home of the demons, and Lilith along with it. (Don’t ask how the Downworlders didn’t die shhh it’s fiiiine)

They get back to relatively normalcy and Magnus Bane. Magnus LIGHTWOOD fucking BANE couldn’t wait to marry the love of his life. Just like Alec said Magnus has never been married. This is his first of many new experiences he will get to have in his long long life.

Also HC! Alec is immortal because I say and the writers never said he wasn’t haha take that.

Anyway. Clary is sat down by the one person who the angels thought could convince her and told that the power she was gifted with was being revoked. If she used one more self-made rune she would lose her entire Shadowhunters life. Clary knew this but nothing was ever going to stop her from defeating Jonathan. It had to be her, it had to be with her runes. She finally saved the boy in the tower from all those years ago.

And she paid.

Then she went to the Malec wedding and put on a brave face because two of her best friends in the world were getting married and she would be damned if she didn’t smile through the trauma for them.

Now that I’ve arrived here even after attempting to stall for as long as possible because I am going to start crying again, the Malec wedding. I know everyone is going to have their opinion of how it went. It’s how you feel and I’m never going to try and argue that with anyone.

To me, it was a moment of cinematic beauty captured in time. It wasn’t long, it wasn’t flashy, not in Abu Dahbi or Taipei, but it was *Malec*. In all their beauty.

Robert was invited because he was still Alec’s father no matter what. His mom and dad put aside their differences to walk their children down the isle on the most important day of their lives. The music had me weeping before anyone stepped out. Then Alec was brought in by Robert and I cried like a baby. Then Magnus. Oh beautiful Magnus. Walked out by the biggest mother figure in his life, not replacing his birth mom but filled the gap with so much warmth that it’s hard to be sad anymore.

And I sobbed.

And sobbed some more. Their vows I will listen to over and over again until I can recite them in time. They were simple yet so filled with love and adoration that you didn’t need many words for the bond to be felt through time and space.

Then Clary said her goodbyes to Jace. Despite being so against Clace from the beginning of the show this episode slowly broke that wall down. I will never truly ship them in the way you’d think but by the end of season 3 I see the appeal. Kat and Dom played them so well and it shows. Jace grew as a person so damn much this season and it shows. They broke my heart with Clary losing her powers so hard. Clace are meant for each other. Heart and Body, Mind and Soul.

Also side note... Magnus and Lorenzo talking before Magnus gave him the wedding invite?? Pure poetry. You can also see how much Lorenzo has grown. I’m sure this is perhaps their way of redeeming characters before the show ends but I don’t really care because I want to love and support all of them. Lorenzo wants for a family of his own just like Magnus has found. In my heart I think he got it. It’s not much of a connection aside from just shoving them together at the end but I still and very very fond of Underhill x Lorenzo anyway. Lorenzo deserves is and Underhil has never done anything wrong in his life TM.

Maia is leading the New York pack, and opening a restaurant! She wants to bring everyone together, guys I love Maia.

Sizzy is together! Like officially even more of a thing and Simon brings Izzy lunch and I’m so on board with this ship I’m so happy for both of them. And Saphael made up! They are friends now and Rafael is becoming a priest and I couldn’t be prouder.

Maryse and Luke are a thing and they both deserve it after everything they’ve been through.

Helen and Aline are together and wanna get married and I’m so supportive I love all my gay/bi/pan children! (Also thanks again Jem for like saving Magnus from being and idiot and officiating their WEDDING!)

Oh god we’re here so I’m gonna address it. Alec is the new Inquisitor! I’m so fucking proud. I guess the old hag wanted to settle down and Magnus finally can do and be as he wishes because Magnus will always be there. Magnus is the!!! HIGH WARLOCK!!!!!! Of ALICANTE!!!!!!! I love my husbands so much no words can fully get the message across. They’re so domestic and seem like they’ve settled in and I will never be happier st knowing I got to see them grown and be the happiest people in the world.

IT IS A TRAVESTY THAT IZZY AND CLARY NEVER GOT TO BECOME PARABATAI I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK. Anyway.

That’s my o my real complaint with this episode is that I was promised parabatai and then I get my heart ripped out (only to be thrust back in by the wedding).

To end it all, the elephant in the room. The Clace ending. I can’t say I’m mad about it. We have known the writers set it up on a never ending cliffhanger. They told us way in advance that they would leave the show like that. I don’t think they could have balanced it so perfectly again in a million years of they tried. It’s a perfect mix of being able to say that Clary slowly regains her memories of the shadow world and then comes back to Jace and they live on fighting demons and getting married.

But it also leaves it open to be able to be picked up if that were ever a feat that could be achieved. I think it’s brilliant and in a way satisfies something in us even if it is never picked up again.

Thank you, Shadowhunters. For giving me years of life and an endless world to believe in.

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations, NOEL! You’ve been accepted as DEIMOS.

Noel, when writing Derek’s skeleton I envisioned someone that was constantly stuck between being alone and reaching out those around them - and you captured that perfectly. Your Derek is someone that knows who he is and knows how to keep everyone at arms length, and yet he still needs contact with others. I was hooked on your app from the very first word and had to read it twice because I couldn’t believe what life you brought to him. I’m beyond excited to see both you and him on the dash! 

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information: 

NAME/ALIAS: Noel

PRONOUNS: She/her they/them 

AGE: 24

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: CST / GMT-6 I’m usually on 2-4 times a week depending on the time of year/school/work.

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Derek Park (Deimos)

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cismale, he/him

DETAILS & ANALYSIS: 

OVERVIEW

To me, Derek is interesting because he embodies one of the most human fears: that we are somehow born irreparably, intrinsically wrong. Broken. Cursed with a peach-pit of wickedness from day one that will always steer us away from what is right and good and lovely. For Derek, he’s just unlucky enough that the combination of his home environment and specific power only seem to prove his worst fears true: that everything good he may touch will come away worse for having known him. That he is, at a most basic level, a creature of destruction.

POWERS

Derek is a man possessed by a force that knows no satiety. Fire is, in its simplest form, a thing made to consume. Forever hungry. He has to be careful, controlled, or risk being consumed along with everything else. In practice, this looks like stony silence. Covered skin, an aversion to touch. An arched eyebrow without comment, or a single dog’s-bark of laughter. No drinking, no drugs-- only cigarettes to take the edge off, a controlled burn. Sarcasm, a dark, dry wit, a small smirk and a glance away. A very, very tight circle of trust, and a body that is always on the edge of something, ready for fight or flight.

THE JOB

He slips into interrogation naturally. Regardless of whatever he might have once liked to believe about himself, he has a knack for knowing where to press to hurt people the most. To extract what he needs. He takes people apart efficiently and effectively, and at least he can take pride in that. There’s an elegance to someone doing the job they are most suited for. If he must do something so ugly, at least he does it well.

The other half of the job is prevention. The right rumors, the right image-- good PR. That’s why he wears what he does (dark, black, leather), why he started smoking (though it’s not the reason he kept at it.) He’s a silhouette in the darkness, a shadow at the back of the pack, at the edge of the club, little visible apart from the glinting eyes, the trail of smoke left in his wake. It’s taken him the better part of a decade, establishing himself as someone you’ll be lucky to never meet. Privately, he considers this his best work, all the work he kept from happening. The ghost over your shoulder, asking: are you sure you want to do that?

BIO: 

(TW drugs, violence)

Touch has always been tied to pain for Derek. The first thing he touched on this Earth he hurt, and the first thing that touched him immediately recoiled. Him, a fresh, swaddled baby, handed to his mother to be pressed, cheek to cheek— and then the shriek, so out of place in what should have been a beautiful moment, and that unmotherly, wrenching instinct to push the painful thing away. A nurse had to step in before his mother could drop him to the floor, likely saving his life in the process. It was mortifying, Derek’s father looking at his mother like he’d never seen her before, the crease on the doctor’s brow. 

And then there was the evidence, left on his mother’s face: a burn mark in the shape of a newborn’s cheek. Tiny eyelashes like red, welted spider legs. 

Derek was supposed to be the miracle baby, their first son, but there was so much undeniably wrong about him. They could overlook that first burn— a freak accident— but there was another wrongness that infiltrated everything he did, everything he was. He moved through the world oddly, more like a wizened street cat than a child, always scowling too much for his age. Always somewhere far away in his own head, unreachable. Enigmatic. Hard to love.

Apart from that first incident, his powers didn’t manifest in earnest until his teen years, but when they did there was no stopping it. Derek became all too familiar with the smell of melting plastic, burning hair, and hot metal. He grew an aversion to paper, nail polish remover, and anything that took batteries or gasoline, anything explosive. Worst, though, was how his powers affected those around him. Even a small bump of arm to side in passing was enough to leave a welt, the hiss of burning skin and singed hair becoming all too familiar. Derek learned to pull his body in like a sail. He moved around on cautious, light feet, as if everywhere his skin touched the world hurt him. He stopped sleeping, for fear of what his body would do in his dreams.

It was an impossible way to live, and of course it had to come to a head sometime. One Fall night, he woke up surrounded by blinding light, and a weird taste in his mouth. At first, he thought he was seeing an angel. It was just so bright. A few delirious moments later and he realised what was happening. What he was.

The glowing coal at the center of a house fire.

No one was physically harmed, but in every other way his family was ruined. Everything had to change. The family of a high-level mutant couldn’t move through life like normal people. Government representatives visited to lay out the ground rules of their new lives, all the restrictions they were to follow at threat of having him taken away. In the years following, Derek could never decide whether his parent’s submission to these new rules was driven by some last vestige of parental love they had for him, or over the fear of what having him sent away would do to their reputation. Not that they had much of that left, anyway. In their small community they were pariahs, the reckless family putting everyone around them at risk, harboring that boy of theirs.

At home, Derek’s powers were a confirmation of every bad thought and reservation his parents had ever had about him. He was a death-trap burden, a dangerous changeling child with unknown motivations. He switched to homeschooling, was only allowed in certain parts of the house at certain hours, and almost never went outside. Within the house itself he was surveilled, his every movement controlled and judged against the possible harm he might cause. But nothing he did could ever be enough to win their trust, their approval. It changed how he saw himself, being treated like a liability. He’d spent his life being told what he was, and now he was starting to believe them.

So he decided: if he must be a bomb always about to go off, he might as well do something with it. Might as well become the weapon everyone treated him as. Might as well make a living out of it. He was deteriorating, trapped up in his fire-proofed room, always alone. 

A cursed life was better than no life at all.

So he left home and learned to control his powers. He found people who appreciated the worst parts of himself, and paid him well for it. He discovered a talent for interrogation, intimidation, a naturally threatening smile. By his early twenties, nothing he was doing could be called legal. A few years after that, and he’d made a real name for himself as someone who would go further than the others. Dangerous enough that even his employers were afraid of him. Eventually, only the worst would hire him. Looks normal enough, but don’t believe it. He’s fucking crazy. The tougher the employer, the tougher the work, but by that point he had stopped caring. The consequences weren’t real, the threats were just words. Enemies were just people he’d have to deal with later.

Amsterdam was his breaking point. Derek had switched to freelancing for a while, broken off from all alliances after a boss tried to two-time him. He was unaffiliated, impartial, just helping bad guys hurt bad guys. Still, this was his riskiest gig. He’d never gone international before, a Level 5 mutant with fake papers on a commercial airline-- it was enough to give any number of governmental agencies reason to take him out on sight. But he was bored, numb, bored, numb. Coming up to 30 years old and sick of the Chicago scene. So he’d tried something new.

The boss there was something else, a real talker, beautiful, had gotten under his skin in a way few ever had. He should have left when the boss had asked about taking out a hit-- it had always been a sore subject for him. That’s not my job, dead people can’t talk, I’m not fucking paid enough to kill people. (There was no amount of money could be paid to kill people.) 

But the man was just so charming. Derek relaxed an inch, and they took a mile. It was just one drink. He didn’t even taste the ketamine. When he woke up, his mouth tasted like copper, and barbeque smoke. The sweet, musky smell of burning spinal fluid. Three were dead, the boss was laughing, and his return flight was in under an hour. 

When he got back, he had a missed call from Damien Matthews, with a different kind of job for him. A job with rules, structure. Protection. He’d heard about the Jems and all the noise they’d been making about Mutant Rights and he didn’t really care about that shit, but he took the job immediately. He needed the discipline, a boss, someone to reel him back in from where he’d strayed too far from his himself, almost at the cost of his humanity. The Jems saved him, and while he may be somewhat ambivalent to their cause, his loyalty to Damien is unflinching. The Jems need him, but he needs them more.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

LUCA MENDOZA: Luca is even more dangerous than Derek is and-- somehow-- that makes them the only person he feels completely safe around. Fact is, Luca’s position and power make them uniquely suited to shield his weakest spots, as: 1) When they’re together their power is a shared one, nullifying the risk of Derek hurting them by accident, and 2) no hitman is going to judge an interrogator for their occupation. The outcomes of their jobs may be different, but they’re two sides of the same coin. Their friendship is uncomplicated, enabling, and chaotic, but also somehow comfortable in a way Derek is unaccustomed to.

ISABEL ACOSTA: Oh, the angst. Derek never, ever thought he’d be in the position he is with Isabel, has fought that sort of connection his whole life. And if it were anyone other than Isabel, he’d be able to continue that way. Isabel is the best and the worst thing to happen to him. Look, is there anything better than two people learning to lower their boundaries and let someone in? Being so unable to stay away from the other that they can’t help but become knowable, to be seen as they are, terrible and ugly and complicated and beautiful? And then to know what it feels like to be loved not in spite of your flaws, but because of everything you’ve done to overcome them? Ohh my god.

EXTRA: 

Ideas for future plots/connections:

I’d love to plot something with a character who could have known him pre-Jems, when he was a real piece of work. 

In general, I’m really interested in how all the different powers within the groups interact with the powers of those around them! I.e., what the hell would happen if he met Dione? Would they just cancel each other out? Or be extra dangerous to each other?

For a decade and a half, he lived without really caring about the consequences, and he made lots of enemies along the way. I’d be interested to see some effects of this coming to fruition. Past alliances broken, a history of betrayal or always ending up on the wrong side of the table.

He has a lot of easily pushed buttons. This could go very poorly for the wrong person, someone stubbornly curious or just amused by the thought of getting under his skin.

Also I’m excited to see how the Isabel Situation puts a strain on his loyalty to the Jems, and his relationships within the gang.

General HC’s

He’s a vegetarian. Yes, most of the Jems find this hilarious, someone whose job is to hurt people being not wanting to eat cute little animals. In reality, it’s more an aversion to the idea of cooked meat. Particularly the smell. You can guess why.

Derek is still bad at keeping his phone on him. It’s a holdover from growing up avoiding electronics, anything that might easily explode. At this point in life he just finds it kind of irritating. He doesn’t like the idea of being easily reachable.

He’s bisexual.

He still has nightmares about burning houses, familiar faces flickering amongst the flames, frozen in silent screams. He has lived alone since he left home as a teen, and he plans to do so for the rest of his life.

I could go on and on but this is already way too long. Thank you guys for taking the time to read through this!

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope :)

[heronstairs2014]

"We can't keep this up forever" and Heronstairs!

(A few quick things before we get started here: Will has cystic fibrosis in this (they hadn’t really named it as a disease back then but it did exist) and his room is right next to Jem’s. This takes place a little while (maybe a month or two?) before Tessa comes. Also, this was partially inspired by the wonderful CricketCat on Wattpad! Go check out her stuff! The bolded part was also written by her and is based on a quote that Jem says to Tessa.)

After almost an hour of pursuing it, Jem killed the Vetis demon with a single stab of his knife straight to its head. It had already been weakened by the slashes that Will’s seraph blade had cut into it, but Jem’s knife was what really did it in.

As the demon disappeared with a screech, Jem wished he could celebrate his victory over the dragon-like demon, but he knew he had more pressing matters to attend to, one of which being the coughing he could hear from behind him. Jem turned around to see Will leaning against the wall, holding himself up with one hand and coughing into the other. Before going to help his parabatai, Jem looked around, and, upon seeing an empty crate a few feet away, grabbed it and turned it over in his hands, then went over to Will. He put the crate down on the ground near Will and put his hands on Will’s shoulders, gently coaxing him to sit down.

Once Will was sitting on the crate, Jem pulled Will’s hand away from his mouth and put his handkerchief in it. Will hadn’t coughed up any mucus yet, but when he did, spitting into the handkerchief would be much better than spitting into his bare hand. Now that Will was sitting down, his left hand was free, and he grabbed Jem’s shoulder in an attempt to ground himself. Jem didn’t know exactly what Will went through every day, but he knew that it must be terrifying to feel like you weren’t able to breathe during uncontrollable coughing fits. He had coughing fits too, but they didn’t last as long or came as frequently as Will’s did.

Jem hated it when Will coughed. They weren’t normal coughs, like he had a tickle in his throat or something just went down the wrong pipe. They were deep, hacking coughs that lasted for minutes on end and occurred multiple times a day. He knew that Will needed to cough to bring up the mucus that was clogging up his lungs, but he hated the panic that he could feel through their parabatai bond and the way that Will’s fingers were currently digging into his shoulder.

Will finally stopped coughing after a few minutes, but he was still extremely out of breath and shaking and holding Jem’s shoulder like his life depended on it. Jem could see mucus in the handkerchief in Will’s hand but he left it there in case it was needed again. He changed his position from sitting on the balls of his feet to sitting fully on the ground and gently took Will’s hand off of his shoulder so he could massage out the tight knots that had formed in the muscles.

“We can’t keep this up forever,” Jem said quietly. “Neither of us are going to be able to fight for much longer.”

Will shook his head and said, “I will keep going for as long as I can. A little mucus isn’t going to stop me. Besides, you’re the one who should be stopping. You’re sicker than I am.” His voice was still hoarse and breathless, but he obviously wasn’t going to let that stop him from saying what he wanted to say.

“I think we both know that’s not true, Will,” Jem whispered. Will didn’t answer, but Jem could see in his eyes that he knew Jem was right. “Are you ready to go?”

Will nodded and Jem helped him stand up. He wished they could stay longer, but they had to go before another demon showed up and neither of them were in any condition to go up against a demon, no matter how small it was.

They were only about a five minute walk away from the Institute, but it took them around ten minutes to get back. Jem wasn’t feeling his best and Will was still out of breath, despite the extremely slow speed they were walking at. Jem kept looking over at Will to make sure that he was alright, and he knew that Will was doing the same to him. After the fifth time that he caught Will staring at him, he reached over and took Will’s still-shaking hand for the remainder of their walk.

Charlotte appeared as soon as the Institute door opened and began fussing over them, asking Will how long he had coughed for and how much mucus had come up and asking Jem if he had taken his medicine that day and if he needed to go lie down and-

“We’re fine,” Will said, stopping Charlotte’s interrogation. “There’s no need for so many questions.” He dodged Charlotte’s hand that was about to check for a fever and left her and Jem standing in the hallway as he disappeared upstairs. They heard a door slam shut a few minutes later and Jem knew from past experience that it had been locked immediately.

Charlotte looked shocked and her hand had not moved from its raised position. She looked over to Jem for any explanation as to Will’s sudden disappearance, but Jem just shook his head.

“He’s fine,” he said. “He had a coughing fit after the demon was killed but it was nothing we couldn’t handle on our own. He’s still a bit out of breath but he’ll be fine if he rests for a while.”

Charlotte nodded. She wasn’t satisfied, but at least she knew that Will wasn’t about to be found passed out on the floor with a raging fever. “And you?” she asked Jem.

“I’ve… been better,” Jem admitted. “I’m going to change and take some yin fen, and then go check on Will.”

Charlotte smiled and went back to whatever she was doing before they had come in. Jem went upstairs to do what he told Charlotte he was going to do and passed Will’s room on the way there. He could hear Will coughing through the wall and decided that he would wait ten minutes before going in, or attempting to go in. He knew that Will hated being seen as weak and that he would need some time to cool down from the events in the alley and Charlotte’s questioning.

Jem changed out of his ichor-splattered gear and into something more comfortable, then mixed a spoonful of yin fen into the glass of water that Sophie had brought up a few minutes earlier. Once he had drunk all of it, he waited a few minutes before leaving his room and walking the few feet to Will’s door.

Will was still coughing, which worried Jem, but he had heard him spit up mucus a few times, so they were at least productive coughs. He knocked on the door loud enough for Will to be able to hear it over the coughing but not so loud that it sounded like he was desperate to get in.

Will must have known it was him, because after a pause, he answered with a curt, “No.”

Jem sighed. “Can I please come in?”

“No,” Will said. The hoarseness in his voice had gone away by the time they got to the Institute but had now returned with a vengeance. “Go away.”

“Why won’t you let me in, Will?” Jem asked. He may have been standing outside of a locked door, but it wasn’t just the door he wanted Will to let him through.

A few minutes passed with no sounds besides a few coughs. Jem felt a little flame of worry in his chest, but he pushed it down. He hadn’t heard any loud thumps or Will gasping for air that would give him reason to trying and break the door down.

“Will?” he asked, hoping to get an answer.

“Please,” Will said softly after a few moments, his voice filled with shame. “I do not want you to see me on my knees, trying to suck in enough air to keep me conscious. That is not how any man wants the boy he loves to see him.”

“Oh, Will…” Jem whispered as he heard Will start coughing again. He turned around and sat down with his back against the door. “You should never have to think that way. I don’t care if you can’t breathe enough to go on patrol or you’re stuck in bed all day with a fever. I only care that you’re happy and alive.”

Will didn’t answer, but Jem knew he had heard. “I know you don’t like to look weak, but you have to let people help you sometimes. I never would have survived this long if I didn’t accept help from others.” He paused as he heard Will cough something up into the bowl he undoubtedly had in his hands. “I don’t think you’re weak. I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not stronger than you,” Jem heard Will whisper. His voice sounded closer now than it had before.

“I highly doubt that,” Jem said. “I’ve only been sick for a few years. You’ve been sick for your entire life, and despite that, you still go out every day and fight demons, even when you shouldn’t. I rarely do that.”

Jem waited for a second to let Will respond, and when he heard nothing but coughing, he continued. “Please, please, never assume that I will think any less of you when you are sick because I never will. Nothing can make me change the way I see you. Please let me help you. Please let me in.”

On the other side of the door, Will was sitting crossed legged with the bowl in his lap and his forehead resting on the door. He had heard every word that Jem said. With every breath he took, his lungs burned and his throat felt tight. He knew that he was going to be paying the price for going after the demon for a while, and he knew that it was going to be a lot easier and go a lot faster if he had someone there to ground him and comfort him when he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Jem was still sitting with his back against the door, waiting for some kind of response from Will. If Will didn’t let him in, he was going to stay out there anyway, for as long as he needed to, because he knew Will needed him no matter how many times he claimed he didn’t.

He was just about to ask Will to let him in one final time when he heard the door unlock.

[cristinablackthornkingson]

Shadowhunter’s Short Story #30 part 2.

It was a calm Tuesday morning in 1887 and Charlotte Fairchild was due to hold a small meeting for a number of Clave members in her Idris home, in just a few hours to discuss who would take over the running of the York Institute. She knew she really ought to be preparing for the meeting, but instead she found herself in the drawing room, not yet dressed, watching her two sons interact. It had been a year since Matthew was born and he was the sweetest, happiest baby Charlotte had ever met. He hardly ever cried and always seemed to be so happy, he was also very clingy, he was constantly hanging off Charlotte’s skirts and running around after his father, but Charlotte and Henry did not mind, they loved that being with either of their boys, nothing made them happier. 

Charles adored his baby brother and was ever so sweet and gentle with him, he loved reading to Matthew and telling him stories. Matthew had only learned to walk a few months ago, and Charles had loved helping his brother get the hang of walking, and he loved teaching him to talk. At present, Matthew only said a select few words, such as ‘Mama’, but he would probably start talking properly very soon. Charlotte could not believe how fast the past year went, Charles was now 8 and in two years would start his training and receive his first Mark, Charlotte was very, very proud of him but it also broke her heart that her baby boy was growing up, she wanted to freeze him as he was, keep him and his brother small forever.

Matthew was also quiet close with Tessa and Will’s son, James, who was just a few months younger than him, in fact the age gap between James and Matthew was the exact same age gap between Will and Jem. Just a few weeks ago, Tessa had given birth to a beautiful baby girl who she and Will named Lucie, Charlotte had yet to meet her but was planning on visiting them all in London very soon, Matthew would love to have a play date with James, and Charles would enjoy seeing The Institute, they had moved to Idris when he was 3, so he did not remember much about living in The Institute. 

“Mrs Fairchild? Your meeting is in two hours, perhaps you should get dressed and have something to eat now?” Charlotte is broken from her thoughts by the sound of their maid’s- Amelia- voice. 

“Goodness is it really that time?” Charlotte asks in a tone of shock, glancing at the clock and realizing that was indeed already 10:00 a.m. and the meeting was scheduled for noon. She had not realized she had been sitting watching the boys for over an hour.

“Yes m’am, it is.” Amelia says. 

“Gracious, you two are just too cute for mummy to get any work done.” Charlotte lightly says, bending to kiss her sons. Matthew giggles and reaches to be lifted. 

“Mama!” He exclaims. Charlotte scoops him up and kisses his chubby cheek. 

“My sweet boy, you stay and play with your brother, mummy has to do some work.” Charlotte gently says, setting him back down beside Charles. 

“Can I help you mama?” Charles asks in a hopeful tone. In the last year, Charles has taken a big interest in The Law and the role of Consul and has decided he wants to be Consul some day too, and is forever trying to get into meetings with Charlotte and help her with her paperwork. 

“I’m afraid not, love, this meeting is for grown ups only.” Charlotte gently tells him. 

“But I am a grown up mama! I’m 8 now!” Charles exclaims. 

“While you are becoming very grown up, I’m afraid this meeting is not for anyone under 18, when you’re older, I promise you can come to meetings with me and I will teach you all about being Consul, for now you stay here and have fun with your brother, alright? I won’t be long, and then we can all do something together.” Charlotte gently explains. 

“Okay, I will make sure Matthew does not get into any trouble!” Charles says in a proud tone. 

“That’s my boy, you two be good for Amelia, do you hear me Mr. Matthew Fairchild?” Charlotte lightly says, directing her gaze to her youngest son. Though Matthew was mostly a very good little boy, he did love to get up to mischief and wander off on his own, Charlotte and Henry knew how to handle him, but poor Amelia found it very difficult to look after him, she was only 21, so Charlotte could not blame her for being so uneasy around a mischievous child. 

Matthew giggles and nods, his thick blonde hair falling into his face. 

“I love you both very much.” Charlotte softly says, giving them both one final kiss before reluctantly making her way upstairs to get ready for the day.

________________________________________________________________

It was now 12:30 p.m. and the meeting was in full process. The meeting was being held in the library of Charlotte and Henry’s home, since there were only 12 people in total attending this meeting, including Gideon, who was Charlotte’s right hand man. 

“Mr. Rosewain, could you tell me why you believe you are the best candidate for head of The York Institute?” Charlotte calmly asks Oliver Rosewain, one of the Shadowhunters who was hoping to appointed head of The York Institute. 

“Well I_” Rosewain does not get to finish his sentence, as right at that moment, the door to the library crashes open and little Matthew runs in, running straight to Charlotte with his arms out.

“Mama!” He exclaims. Charlotte knew it would be worthless trying to get Matthew back to the drawing room and keep him from running back here time and time again, he was teething right now and obviously in a lot of pain, and most of the time just wanted to be held by his mama, and Charlotte would not deny her child the simple pleasure of being close to her, when he was unwell.

Charlotte scoops her son up into her arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek and beginning to walk slowly around the library, as she use to walk all around the house with Matthew when he was unwell as a baby. She never liked sitting still during meetings anyway, and often got up and started pacing. 

“Please carry on Mr. Rosewain.” Charlotte calmly says. 

“Pardon me Mrs. Fairchild, but this is a meeting, not a daycare, no children under 18 are allowed in these meetings.” Mr. Rosewain says in an irritated tone. 

“Matthew won’t even be listening to us Mr. Rosewain, I assure you he does not understand what we’re talking about, he is only 1.” Charlotte says, brushing Matthew’s hair back from his face. 

“Still it is hardly appropriate, can your maid not look after him?” Rosewain asks. 

“She could, but Matthew does not want to be with Amelia, he wants to be with me, and he is not causing any disruption, he’s a perfectly behaved little boy, there is no reason he cannot stay, after all this is my meeting, in my home, so I think I shall be the one to establish the rules.” Charlotte firmly says.

“Mr. Lightwood, surely you agree this is ridiculous behavior!” Rosewain exclaims, looking to Gideon for support. 

“No I don’t agree with you Mr. Rosewain, not at all, as Charlotte said, Matthew is a very well behaved little boy and if he wants to be held by his mother for a while then I see no problem with that.” Gideon replies.

“Would you bring a child into a Clave meeting?” Mr. Rosewain asks. 

“Yes if my child needed me, my son is very unwell and I would do anything to make him happy and comfortable, if he wanted to be with me even though I was in a meeting, I would allow him to stay with me, as I would my daughters, but then again my Thomas is a mama’s boy so I doubt he would want to follow me into a meeting, but if he did, I would let him, when your child needs you, especially when they are unwell, you would move heaven and earth to be with them.” Gideon firmly says. He had not wanted to leave Thomas this morning, he was particularly unwell today, he had a bad cough and a high fever, The Silent Brothers were keeping an eye on him but it killed Gideon not to be there to make his son feel better, even though he was without a doubt being fussed over endlessly by his big sisters and mother. 

“If you have an issue with my son being here Mr. Rosewain you are welcome to leave.” Charlotte says.

“But_” Rosewain begins, before Gideon cuts him off. 

“Are you arguing with The Consul, Mr. Rosewain?” He asks. 

“No! No of course not!” Rosewain exclaims. 

“Well then either answer her question as to why you should run The Institute or leave, those are your options, pick one.” Gideon calmly says. Rosewain grumbles something unpleasant under his breath, not counting on Charlotte being able to hear him. 

“What was that you said Mr. Rosewain? Something about me being an unfit Consul and unfit mother?” Charlotte calmly asks, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“N-no, no, nothing at all, Mrs. Fairchild.” He stammers.

“Well can we carry on with the meeting then?” Charlotte asks. 

“Yes, of course Mrs. Fairchild.” Rosewain says in a reluctant tone. 

Thankfully, the rest of the meeting goes very smoothly, and Charlotte lets them all know she will be in touch once she has made her decision. 

When the meeting is over and everyone has left The Fairchild residence, Gideon makes his way over to Charlotte, who is now standing by the window, snuggling Matthew close to her.

“Charlotte, I am so sorry about how rude Mr. Rosewain was to you and Matthew, you do not deserve that kind of treatment.” Gideon softly says, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. She smiles weakly at him and says

“You needn’t apologies Gideon, I very much appreciated how you stood up for me, I do not care what they say or think about me, but I could see how horrified they all were by Matthew, as if a little demon had run in and not a child, they can hate me all they like but they have no reason to hate my son.” 

“No, you’re right, Matthew is an innocent child, has never done anything wrong. You are a wonderful Consul Charlotte and a wonderful mother too, they are thoughtless fools to think so little of you.” Gideon says. 

“Thank you Gideon, how is Thomas?” Charlotte asks in a worried tone. 

“He’s been particularly unwell lately, he has a bad cough and is running a fever, The Silent Brothers are keeping an eye on him and of course he is being fussed over endlessly by Sophie and Barbara and Eugenia, I did not want to leave him this morning.” Gideon quietly says. He could not wait to get back home and hug his children tightly and sit with his son for a while, perhaps Gabriel and Cecily would call around with Anna and Christopher, that would cheer Thomas up. 

“If there is anything I can ever do, please let me know.” Charlotte says in a sympathetic tone. “I don’t know how you both cope, if it were one of my boys..... well I simply cannot think of it.” she adds, pressing a kiss to Matthew’s forehead. 

“It is very difficult but we were blessed with two healthy daughters before Thomas and we are blessed that he made it through those first few months, but Sophie and I, we would give anything for him to be healthy., it’s all any parent ever wants, a healthy baby.” Gideon softly says, reaching out to softly brush Matthew’s hair back. Matthew grins at him and reaches out to grab his hand. 

���You love your Uncle Gideon, don’t you Matthew?” Charlotte softly says. Matthew nods enthusiastically, still grinning at his uncle. 

“As I love you little one, I’m afraid I must be going now though, I need to be with my own little boy.”Gideon says. 

“Of course, I understand, give Sophie and the children my love.” Charlotte gently says, reaching out and squeezing Gideon’s hand.

“I always do, goodbye Charlotte, goodbye sweet Matthew, I will see you soon.” He gently says, leaning in to kiss Charlotte on the cheek and then pecking Matthew on the forehead. 

Once Gideon leaves, Charlotte makes her way to the drawing room, where she is greeted by Henry and Charles. 

“How was your meeting, Lottie?” Henry asks, as Charlotte takes a seat on the couch, settling Matthew on her lap. 

“I suppose you could say it was eventful, Oliver Rosewain was non to pleased about Matthew joining us, I believe I heard him call me an unfit Consul and mother, under his breath.” Charlotte says in a tight tone, trying to hold back her tears. 

“Oh Lottie darling, you are far from a bad mother or Consul, you are one of the most wonderful Consul’s we have ever had and you are such a wonderful mother, our boys love you so much and you are amazing with them, that Rosewain fool has no idea what he is talking about, you mustn't listen to him Lottie, he does not know you as I do or as our boys do, and well think you are absolutely wonderful.” Henry gently says, grasping her hand in his. Charlotte smiles wearily at her husband and through her tears, says

“What would I do without you?” 

“I think it is I who should be asking you that, forget about the meeting Lottie, take the rest of the day off. While you were in the meeting I received a fire message from Tessa and Will, they want to come visit with the children.” Henry says.

“Oh that would be lovely, did you respond to them?” Charlotte asks. 

“Not yet, I wanted to make sure you were up for visitors, I’ll go reply to them now, shall I?” Henry asks. 

“Yes, do! Matthew, do you want to play with Jamie?” Charlotte asks in a bright tone, turning Matthew so that he was facing her. His bright green eyes light up in delight. 

“Jamie!” He exclaims in delight. Charlotte was glad that Jamie and Matthew got along so well, since Will and Tessa were like a son and daughter to her, it meant a lot to her that their children got along well. 

________________________________________________________________

Tessa, Will, James and baby Lucie had arrived about 20 minutes ago, shy little Jamie was still clinging to Will’s leg, insisting that he didn't want to play with Matthew. Matthew was seemingly fine with this, and went to play with Charles, hopefully Jamie will warm up soon and go play with the boys. Right now Charlotte is holding little Lucie, with Henry at her side, and they are both gushing over the sweet little girl, remembering when their boys had been this small.

“She is so beautiful, she looks just like you, Tessa.” Charlotte softly says, running a hand over Lucie’s wispy brown hair. 

“William is absolutely thrilled that she looks like me, though I’m thrilled she has his eyes.” Tessa softly says, leaning her head against Will’s shoulder. 

“I wanted Jamie to look like his beautiful mama, but he got my dashingly handsome good looks, although it did not really matter which of us Lucie and James ended up looking like, with us as parents, they would always be beautiful!” Will says.

“They would be beautiful and perfect no matter what.” Tessa softly says. 

“That is very true, my beautiful Tess.” Will says, putting an arm around Tessa and kissing the top of her head.

“I do so hope we have a daughter someday.” Henry softly says, letting Lucie grip onto his finger. He simply adored babies, and this little one was no exception, she was such a lovely, sweet little thing, Henry just wanted to cuddle her all day long. 

“So do I, it would be so nice to give the boys a sister.” Charlotte replies. 

“Are you planning on having a baby soon?” Will curiously asks. 

“Oh no, not anytime soon, I don’t know how you two manage with the one year age gap between Jamie and Lucie, we would like there to be about 5 or so years between Matthew and our next child.” Charlotte replies. 

“Well if I am being truthful, you know Jamie was a surprise, but so was Lucie, we did not plan on having another for quiet a few years, we were not entirely sure we could have another, we thought perhaps Jamie was a miracle, so we weren’t exactly as careful as we should have been, and our sweet Lucie was the result.” Will softly says. He had been astonished when Tessa had told him she was pregnant with Lucie, perhaps more astonished than he had been when she told him she was pregnant with James, he didn’t even fully believe it until Jem came to check Tessa and the baby over and told them that everything was healthy and they were expecting a baby girl, but he was thrilled too, being a father and being Tessa’s husband were the best things he had ever done.

Just then, Matthew comes toddling over with a book clutched in his hands. 

“Aunty Tess, you read?” He asks Tessa in a hopeful tone, holding the book out to her. Tessa smiles brightly at her little nephew. 

“I would love to read to you Matthew, come here.” She says, holding her arms out for him, lifting him onto her lap.

“Would you like me to read you a story after your Aunty Tessa has read to you?” Will gently offers. Matthew shakes his head vigorously. 

“Nu uh! Only Aunty Tess read!” He exclaims, cuddling into his aunty. Tessa smiles smugly at Will over Matthew’s mop of blonde curls. 

“But Matthew I am meant to be your fun Uncle Will!” Will exclaims. 

“You silly!” Matthew tells him, wrapping his arms around Tessa’s neck. 

“Well that is very unkind! You have broken your poor Uncle’s heart, Matthew, I do not think I shall ever recover, In fact, Charlotte I think I shall need the assistance of a Silent Brother, could you be so kind as to summon Jem?” Will asks in a dramatic tone. Charlotte laughs lightly and pats Will on the arm. 

“I think you will live William.” She says in an amused tone. 

“I do not! Your son has greatly insulted me!” Will exclaims. 

“Just what are we going to do with your papa, Lucie?” Charlotte coos to the little girl, dozing in her arms, placing a kiss to her little forehead.

“Lucie! Defend your father!” Will says, reaching out to stroke his daughter’s hair. Lucie does not flinch, staying fast asleep, curled up in her Aunt Charlotte’s arms. 

“Lucie would rather you let her rest, if you wake her you can stay up with her tonight, William.” Tessa says. 

“But how will I feed her?” Will asks, dropping the dramatic act and turning his loving gaze to his wife. 

“You will have to figure that one out yourself William, though you will not have to worry about it, if you let her sleep.” Tessa says, unable to hold back a grin. 

“You are not fun.” Will says, leaning his forehead against hers. 

“Sensible is not an acronym for no fun, Will.” Tessa lightly replies. 

“You were not very sensible in marrying me, I drive you mad.” Will lightly says. Tessa giggles and says

“Yes you do, but I would not have it any other way.” 

Tessa, Will and the children stay for another few hours before it starts to grow late and they decide it is time for them to go home and get the children ready for bed. 

Charlotte ends the day as she began it, sitting in the drawing room, watching Matthew and Charles playing together, only this time Henry was by her side. She loved nothing more than just sitting and watching her boys, who brought her so much joy. although little did she know what trouble they will bring her when they grow up.