#anyway it was a great film the actress playing Lucy was great

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Ballad of songbirds and snakes was great tbh. I’m gonna have the hanging tree song stuck in my head for years now. Very upsetting to watch at this moment in time but that’s why Suzanne Collins’ work hits so hard, it is Always prescient. I still need to read the book to really compare the adaptation, but we decided that watching a dystopian critique of U.S. fascism was a good way to spend the week of this particular sham holiday.

[thenightling]

The aging process as seen through the movie Lost Boys

I write this as someone who was born at the tail end of 1981. I noticed through my childhood, teenagerhood, and adulthood that the characters I most related to in the film Lost Boys shifted with my age. Going from Sam to Michael to Lucy (the mother). And someone told me if I wait long enough I'll relate to the grandfather next. Well, right now I'm three-years-older than the actress Diane Weist was when she played Lucy in Lost Boys. (Yikes!). I feel like just yesterday I was closer to Michael's age, and now I'm older than the mother. Anyway, here's a chart of the aging process as reflected through Lost Boys and the character you are most likely to connect with. Age 5 through 14 = Sam. You may relate to Sam, the kid brother. Especially if you have an older sibling who is going through a "phase." Age 15-21 = Michael or Star. You relate to Michael, possibly Star. The hero of the story dealing with teen angst, a younger sibling, and the prospect of eternity as one of the damned. (alternatively you may want to put David and his vampire gang here.) Age 35 to 50s = Lucy (the mother). You feel you used to be cool but now you just don't know what's hip anymore. You're an ex-hippie. Now you're trying to rebuild your life and a guy with a large movie collection is obsessed with you but at least he has a dog. Ages 72 to 100 = Grandpa. What do you mean used to be cool? Coolest guy in the movie. Still a hippie. Maybe secret vampire hunter. Getting old is great. No one ever suspects you!

Age 600 or so = Max. You're the undead owner of a knock-off Blockbuster video store. And you have a cult. Your life goals are complete. Now you just need to find yourself a significant other.

[kiss-my-freckle]

Reviewing an actor/actress performance. Not sure you like to, but you have in the past so I'll ask anyway.

So much hate and love, in equal measure, for Ian's performance in fandom. Like most ppl, he is the reason I rewatch and I am disappointed that his career didn't go further. But I am biased because I love (like a whole lot) the character of Damon.

I love Bonnie too. But I find it odd how so many people praise Kat's performance to an exhausting level. Kat absolutely grew from season 1-8 and it shows. This is where she got her "acting chops?" Perhaps. She was never ever bad but going up against some of the talent in the show, I just don't get it. I adore Bonnie the character, but it's impossible to pick up any further nuances then just delivering the script. The others seem to have many layers. True, her storylines were muted or curtailed (like I'm still really pissed we never saw more of Lucy) and this may be the reason. There's a lot of hate slinging around for Julie in this regard. I don't know, I didn't watch it when it was airing so I'm not sure what the drama was at the time only that they forced her to wear those horrible wigs.

Then there is Caroline. I cannot stand the character. But Candice's acting is wild. She never misses the mark. I mean she makes some of the bad writing in later seasons sound, reasonable? And in the early seasons, she makes me hate her. I think that was the point.

Thoughts?

Ian is a great actor. I didn't see him in anything until I watched TVD, but I wanted to see more after seeing him. That's why I chose to watch V Wars and why I often argue Fifty Shades of Grey. I feel Ian is too good of an actor to have done the films. Not because of the sex of it, but because of the writing. I'm not a fan of Fifty Shades because it's my opinion that the writing sucked. The writing didn't sell the books, the sex did... that's why I'm glad Ian didn't do the films. For me to want Ian playing Christian Grey, the films can't follow the books. Had TVD writers followed the books, I probably wouldn't like Damon, but I'd like Ian as an actor. Hating Katherine, Caroline, and Stefan as much as I do only speaks to how great the actors are. I hate them almost as much as I love Damon... which is actually a good thing. I'd probably love Candice in other roles. It's my opinion that some actors own every role they take, like Johnny Depp. And some actors only own one or two roles they take, like Matthew McConaughey. I didn't like Matthew as an actor until I watched True Detective. Sometimes it's the actor, sometimes it's the role and the writing, sometimes it's both. Had they put Ian in Kat's role, there wouldn't be many Damon fans because his acting would've been limited by the writing. Kat's problem isn't Kat. Her acting was limited by the writing. She'd need another role to get her acting chops because "Bonnie" didn't do it for her.

[fuckyeahwomenfilmdirectors]

Anyway, I'm really glad that the movie that sanitises sex work and pushes the "sex work is empowering" lie didn't get a lot of critical recognition.

It took me awhile to realize that you’re probably talking about Hustlers. I assume you’re talking about Hustlers? I don’t care if you’re not, I’m going to talk about Hustlers! (Very minor spoilers to follow).

Hustlers is amazing! First of all it did get a lot of critical recognition. The only reason Jennifer Lopez got as close to an Oscar nomination as she did (and also got a Golden Globes nom, a SAG nom and a LAFCA win) is because critics were very supportive of the film (LAFCA stands for Los Angeles Film Critics Association). No one was checking for this film until TIFF and critics started her Oscar buzz there. 

Secondly while it’s arguable that Scafaria sanitizes the strip club I would argue that she is instead incredibly protective of her actresses and very careful about where she puts the camera in order to avoid exploiting them. Which is why it’s a movie about strippers with many scenes set in a strip club and you never see any of the women fully nude. It’s why Lopez is introduced with a pole dance number and Scafaria frames it through the eyes of Constance Wu’s character so it’s less sexualized and more about awe in her craft and that she’s a star.

And while yes, Scafaria does show that the money, at least temporarily, makes these women happy she also has them literally break it down and talk about how the women feel disgusted and exploited, spend their cash to make themselves feel better and end up so broke they have to go back to stripping to get that high. She also shows scenes of the women being abused both sexually and racially (in one of the earliest sequences a man screams at Constance’s character calling her “Lucy Liu”). It is very much not a happy place for the characters and the movie shows that while many of them want to get out they either are deemed totally unqualified for any other work (Wu’s character) or the work they are qualified for is just as demeaning only with worse pay (Lopez’s character). 

All the joy and happiness in the film comes from the women themselves and their reliance on each other and respect for one another. I really admire Scafaria and the entire crew for the way they took characters who in any other Oscar movie about criminals or wall street guys would be props, and emphasized that these women are living breathing people with hopes and ambitions and dreams and personalities and friendships and families. You could see how hard Scafaria worked to legitimize these women by using certain cues  to guide the viewer (not just the no nudity thing, one of the most brilliant scenes is when Scafaria puts Chopin music over the scene of Jlo’s character teaching Wu’s character how to improve her pole skills. She’s borrowing the assumed legitimacy of a dead white male European composer to emphasize that this bonding scene should be treated seriously and not as an opportunity to ogle these women). 

Ultimately it’s really obvious that the reason that the Oscars didn’t nominate Lopez or any other aspect of the film for awards isn’t because they care about not sanitizing sex work or not showing it’s empowering (they don’t care, they nominate films where sex workers are treated like set decoration all the time). It’s because they saw a film about an Asian woman and a brown skinned Latina woman who played strippers and immediately dismissed the movie as being silly, superficial and not worthy of Oscars. Basically all the superficial judgements Scafaria and her cast and crew were fighting so hard against was what undid them in the end. 

Anyway Hustlers is so great. In addition to being a very thoughtful film it is also incredibly entertaining and easy to watch. I’m so happy for Scafaria, Lopez and Wu (really an unsung hero of the film, her role is less flashy but it could so easily have been boring and she works every moment). Even if they didn’t get nominated for any Oscars the film was still very much seen and supported and admired which doesn’t always happen to great films. 

Watch Hustlers! My #2 movie of 2019! 

[buzzdixonwriter]

Another Pointless Top Ten List (But You’ll Keep Reading, Anyway)

My brother Rikk recently mailed me another top ten list of his, in this instance being his top ten favorite TV comedy shows (which he defines as 30 minutes or less, no movies).

The Three Stooges

M*A*S*H

The Andry Griffith Show 

The Beverly Hillbillies

Hogan’s Heroes

I Love Lucy 

The Honeymooners 

All In The Family

Get Smart 

Gilligan’s Island

His honorable mentions include F Troop, The Patty Duke Show, My Three Sons, Gomer Pyle USMC, Batman, Petticoat Junction, Mr. Ed. Bewitched, and I Dream Of Jeanie.

Again, one of those personal favorite lists that you really can’t argue with because it reflects personal tastes and / or fond nostalgia (though I am calling shenanigans on The Three Stooges; they were theatrical shorts shown in movie theaters, not a TV show, and besides, Laurel & Hardy are soooooo much better…).

But of course we’re going to play the game, so I’ll respond, first throwing in a caveat:  No skit comedy shows such as Monty Python’s Flying Circus, The Marty Feldman Show, Benny Hill, Second City TV, The Kids In The Hall, or Love, American Style.

I’m also omitting programs like The Gong Show and Jackass because while hilarious and under 30 minutes, they weren’t scripted or story driven.

So here’s my list:

The Dick Van Dyke Show -- the sitcom art form at peak perfection.  Carl Reiner’s insight into what writing for a mercurial TV star is like (in his case, Sid Caesar on Your Show Of Shows, for Van Dyke’s Rob Petrie it was Carl Reiner as Alan Brady).  If you’ve never seen the show, start off with their two best episodes, “Coast To Coast Big Mouth” and “October Eve” (though they’re all good).  “October Eve” is the one where Sally (Rose Marie) finds a nude painting of Laura (Mary Tyler Moore playing Dick Van Dyke’s wife) in an art gallery.  SALLY:  “There’s a painting here you should know about.”  LAURA: “If it’s what I think it is, I can explain.”  SALLY:  “If you need to explain, it’s what you think it is.”

The Mary Tyler Moore Show – this is the first American novel for television.  It’s a novel of character, not plot, and it traces the growth of Mary Richards, a 30 year old woman-child who realizes she needs to grow up, as she blossoms into a mature, self-reliant adult.  You can select two episodes at random and by comparing her character growth determine not only which season they were filmed but when in that season.

I Love Lucy -- eking out a bronze medal for its longevity and pioneering of the art form.  The first sitcom shot on film, it led the way in the rerun market.  Not just a historical icon but consistently funny.

WKRP In Cincinnati -- as crazy as a sitcom could get and still be within the realm of plausibility.  Never loved by its network, they bounced it around for four seasons until it faded away (it made a syndicated comeback a decade later, of which we shall not speak).  Great supporting staff, dynamite writing.  While they never steered away from serious subject matters (such as an actual rock concert tragedy in Cincinnati where several fans were crushed when rushing the stage), they will be forever and justly remembered for the beloved “Turkey Drop” episode.

Fawlty Towers – only two seasons and a mere 12 episodes and yet more comedic bang for the buck than anything else on this list.  John Cleese as a frustrated, short-tempered, conniving hotelier practically writes itself.  SYBIL FAWLTY:  “You know what I’ll do if I find you’ve been gambling again, don’t you, Basil?”  BASIL:  “You’ll have to sew them back on first, m’dear.”

That Girl -- looking back it can sometimes be hard to judge just how groundbreaking certain shows were.  Marlo Thomas as a struggling young actress finding romance and success in Manhattan seems positively wholesome today, but in the mid-1960s it was considered quite daring and progressive.  The Mary Tyler Moore Show took their opening credits inspiration from Marlo Thomas’ character exploring Manhattan in the opening credits of That Girl.

He & She -- a one season wonder from 1967.  Another daring and progressive show for its era.  Richard Benjamin and Paula Prentiss played a young married couple, he being a cartoonist who drew a superhero strip (the actor playing the superhero on TV in the series was Jack Cassidy at his manic best).  Another show with a dynamite supporting cast…and just too hip for the room at the time (honorable mention to Love On A Rooftop, a similar show from the previous season that also proved too advanced for audiences at that time).  

Green Acres -- started out silly but quickly took a turn into the surreal, breaking the fourth wall, commenting on the opening credits as they ran by, all sorts of oddball stuff.  Dismissed as a hayseed comedy, the truth is the supporting cast possessed dynamite comedic chops and their sense of timing is a joy to behold.  Forms a loose trilogy with The Beverly Hillbillies and Petticoat Junction since all three referenced the same small towns of Hooterville and Pixley  as well as occasional crossovers (honorable mention to the first season of Petticoat Junction which is as pure an example of Americana as one could hope to find and could easily be distilled into a feature film remake).

The Young Ones -- another two season / twelve episode wonder from the UK.  Four stereotypical English college students go through increasing levels of insanity as the series progressed.  Unlike most shows of the era where there was no continuity episode to episode, damage done in an early episode would still be seen for the rest of the series.  (They also would simply end a show when they ran out of time, not resolving that episode’s plot.)  Their random / non sequitur style proved a tremendous influence on shows like Family Guy.

Fernwood 2 Nite / America 2-Nite -- a spin off from the faux soap opera Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, this presented itself as a cable access variety show for Mary Hartman’s hometown of Fernwood.  With Martin Mull as the obnoxious host, Fred Willard as his incurably dense second banana, and TV theme song composer Frank De Vol as the band leader.  Because it’s so rooted in 1970s pop culture it doesn’t age as well as some other shows on the list, but many of the gags still land solidly today.  For the second season the show-within-a-show went nationwide and became America 2-Nite. Very funny, very well written, and all the more remarkable because these guys were doing five episodes a week!

Okay, so what can this list tell us?

Buzz is old.  Like really, really, really old.

Buzz stopped watching sitcoms in the mid-1980s.

There’s a reason for that.  By that time I was writing for TV and trying to get my own work done.  I didn’t have time to sit and watch TV on a regular basis (still don’t), and too often I could see the gears turning and guess where the episode was heading by the end of the first scene (still do).

I’ve veered away from “must watch” TV, especially shows that require the audience to keep track of what’s gone on before.

Tell me I have to see the first six seasons of a show to appreciate what happens in the seventh and you’ve just lost me as a potential viewer.  I’m strictly a one & done kinda guy now (though I will binge watch if a mini-series has a manageable number of episodes, say six).

My list represents a time capsule for what caught my interest and attention during a very formative period of my life, i.e., from the early 1960s as I became more and more aware that writing was where my future lay, to the mid-1980s when I hit a good peak stretch.

I don’t doubt there are great and wonderful hilarious comedies out there that I haven’t seen, I’m just listing what I have seen that did make an impression on me.

Your mileage may vary.*

    © Buzz Dixon

  *  It should vary!  Be your own person!

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY & DESI / BILL & VIV

February 27, 1955

I was having dinner with William Frawley at Chasen's restaurant in Hollywood not long ago when a bunch of enthusiastic tourists from Texas swarmed around us. They were holding out their menus for Frawley to autograph and all yelling at once about how they thought he was just divine as Desi Arnaz' pal Fred Mertz, in the "I Love Lucy" television show. 

One of the gang lingered after the others had drifted back to the bar. He contemplated Frawley for a few awkward seconds and then blurted out: 

"Say fella, how'd you go about getting a job like you've got in this town? Me and the wife are thinking of settling down out here and it would sure be fun to get on TV so the folks back home could see us. It'd sure give them something to talk about." 

"You an actor?" asked Frawley. 

"No," the Texan answered. 

"Do you gotta be an actor to get on a television show?" 

"It helps," said Bill. "It sure helps." 

"Gee, I didn't know you were an actor," replied the puzzled gent from the great open spaces. "I thought you were just yourself. How long you been studying acting?" 

"Plenty of years, man, plenty of years," said Bill. The Texan shook his head and walked away. 

"That's what's so fascinating about television," Bill said. "The people think you're just one of them coming into their living rooms to visit with them. They go to a movie theatre or to a stage show and they expect to see actors, but not on television." 

"Give our love to your wife," called the Texans as they left. "We think she's wonderful, too." 

"They believe Vivian Vance who plays Ethel Mertz is my wife and it wouldn't do any good to disillusion them. They'd never believe me anyway," Bill said as he Waved, good-by. 

Lucille Ball shouted with glee when I told her about the scene at Chasen's. "That's why we picked Bill Frawley and Vivian Vance," she said. "They look and act like people you'd meet every day."

Vivian says it is sometimes very embarrassing when she's out with her husband, actor Phil Ober, and she meets up with farts who think she's married to Frawley.

"The women give me suspicious looks as if they've caught me stepping out," Vivian laughed. 

"I can't always stop and tell them that Phil is my real husband." 

Frawley isn't married. He lives with his sister in an old-fashioned comfortable house in the middle of Hollywood. 

Vivian Vance had just about given up all thought of ever working again at her acting profession when Mel Ferrer ferreted her out of hiding on an Arizona ranch. He persuaded her to play the role of Olive Lashbrooke, the old meanie, in "Voice of the Turtle." She'd done the part and Ferrer remembered her.

"I was terrified at the thought of walking out on a stage again," says Vivian. "I thought I had given the whole thing up after a nervous breakdown." 

And that's how she happened to be chosen by Lucy and Desi to be their Ethel Mertz. They saw her at Ferrer's little theatre in La Jolla and Lucy said, "There's our Ethel." 

Vivian was born in Kansas and in her early teens got the bug to go on the stage, although she was the only member of her family who thought well of the idea. She studied dramatics and when she landed in Albuquerque, N.M., she was ready to show off her talents. The townsfolk were so impressed with Vivian's ability as an actress they financed her journey to New York. She finally won the chance to audition for a job in the chorus in "Music in the Air." She had a strong voice and she used it in night club work after the show shut up for the night. 

"I just kept working at everything in every spot I could find," Vivian recalled. "I got plenty of experience and you know it all comes in handy now. It seems there isn't much I can't do when it comes to working out routines on this TV show. There's nothing like a lot of experience when the big break comes." 

Frawley was born in Burlington, Iowa, a small railroad town, and his mother was very, happy when he learned enough shorthand and bookkeeping to land a job as a railroad clerk in Omaha. But Bill didn't see eye to eye with her. He wanted to go on the stage and he kept flirting with theatrical work until he managed to get his toes in far enough to earn a fair living. He played the Pacific Coast vaudeville circuit for four years and then landed in the movies. 

Bill quit films for the legitimate stage, finally getting his big role in "Twentieth Century." 

It looks as if this competent pair of character actors is going to be busy for years to come with the "I Love Lucy" show. 

"And we love it," chorused Bill and Vivian as I left them getting ready for a strenuous rehearsal. 

"How about that pair of cuties!" yelled Lucy. "We sure couldn't put on this show without them."

[thedeaditeslayer]

Crash Palace Interview: Catching Up with Dana DeLorenzo.

This interview briefly brushes over Ash vs Evil Dead and Dana’s latest projects.

Even though it has been over two years since Ash vs Evil Dead has been on the air, fans still clamor for their favorite badass, Deadite slaying heroine, Kelly Maxwell. Dana DeLorenzo, the actress behind her is equally adored and cherished by admirers of the Sam Raimi legendary horror franchise.  

So, as always, I was thrilled to speak with her about life after Ash, her latest movie, the heartwarming holiday comedy, Friendsgiving and what she has on the horizon. Welcome to the Crash Palace Interview with Dana DeLorenzo…  

The Denouement of Ash vs Evil Dead Crash Palace: Thanks for speaking with me, Dana. It’s always a pleasure. Let’s talk about life after Ash vs Evil Dead. As you know, Lee Cronin is helming the latest installment in the Evil Dead franchise, Evil Dead Rise. Fans were hoping that the Ghostbeaters would be a part of that venture. While we know it is going in a different direction, do you think Kelly Maxwell could show up some time in the future?  

Dana DeLorenzo: One can dream, right? Let me take this moment, right off the bat to say something I say often because I mean it, and I can’t say it enough. People who know me know this is not fan service. I say it when I’m not doing interviews; I say it to my closest friends and my family on the regular.

I am so grateful to the fans of Ash vs Evil Dead and the Evil Dead franchise all over the world. They have truly been my Jiminy Crickets throughout this insane, bizarre year that is 2020. They have gotten me through so many of the toughest days, just by keeping the bloody love alive. With every year that passes, even though we haven’t filmed a season of the show for three years, it feels like it’s fresh because of the fans .

So, to all you Ghostbeaters out there: I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I get to meet all of you someday. But I can’t convey enough how your passion and love of the show has gotten me through this 2020 roller coaster; thank you for keeping Kelly’s ass-kicking spirit alive! On that note, I have really missed the show, I’ve missed playing Kelly. I posted some things recently about Ash vs Evil Dead, photos I hadn’t looked at in a while. I miss it a lot. I like to keep hope alive that someday, somewhere, the Ghostbeaters will be reunited. Even just for a quick Ghostbeaters fist bump.

Is Kelly Maxwell going to show up in this film? No. I won’t say never, but from what I understand, this is an alternate universe for Evil Dead Rise, separate from Fede Alvarez’s movie with Jane Levy and it’s separate from Ash vs Evil Dead. It’s a new adventure in the Evil Dead universe. And I can’t wait to see the new blood and guts journey Lee Cronin takes us on. I would like to think in the Ghostbeaters’ universe, we’re still kicking it and we’re still fighting evil. But I am loving that the fans are clamoring for it! They can keep pestering Rob, Sam and Bruce the way they have for twenty-five years before Ash vs Evil Dead came to be — their persistence is what got me that dream job.

So, if they want to continue to pester to bring us all back, I won’t stop them! Because we know the fans have the power to persuade. It might take another twenty-five years. But I am always down to play with those guys and our great crew.  

CP: Do you keep in touch with anyone from the show?

DD: Yeah, I try and keep up with what everyone is doing and shoot them a message to tell them I miss them like the sap that I am. I just miss seeing their faces every day, you know?  I miss Lucy’s face pretty hard, and not just because she’s ‘Lucy Flawless’! She’s got new shows left and right, she never stops! Ray and I randomly text Pablo and Kelly’s catchphrases to each other. “How are you holding up? / What is happening?!” We said that pretty much every episode so it still makes me laugh. Arielle and I chat often even though she lives in Australia, she’s like my little sister! Bruce often responds “ in character” with the latest Snapchat filter. He loves those — just check his Twitter feed — and it’s all my fault. I showed him how to make them while filming Season 3. He could probably do a show solely with Snapchat characters — I’d watch.  

Fall from Perpetual Grace

CP: Let’s shift gears for a moment and talk about another series that you appeared on. You had a great run on EPIX with Perpetual Grace, LTD working with the talented Jimmi Simpson, Luis Guzman and of course, Jacki Weaver and Sir Ben Kingsley. There was some talk about a possible movie to tie up all the storylines after the show ended. Do you know if that is in the works?

DD: I have no idea, but I really hope that happens. Steven Conrad is a genius and so was that cast. If you haven’t seen or become a part of the cult following of Patriot on Amazon or Perpetual Grace, you should. But the people he casts and the stories he writes and the beauty of the cinematography, all  create a piece of art that is in its own category. He has such a strong point of view, aesthetic and vision, you always know when you’re watching a Steven Conrad show.

I’ve been very lucky to be part of two shows where both casts were like extended family. Like Luis Guzman. We  talked recently, I adore him. Side bar: I feel like in a crazy, crossover world, Luis could be Pablo’s other uncle because of his giant heart and comedic delivery. Anyway, we’re both working on my friend Joe Ahern’s indie comedy, The Disappearance of Toby Blackwood, which he co-wrote with Doug Mellard. And I can’t wait for people to see Luis slay the screen, yet again. The filming process is pretty innovative during COVID, where everyone but the two main characters filmed their parts at home using an app. These guys were doing it before anyone else, so kudos to them.  

Friendsgiving: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

CP: I had the pleasure of watching Friendsgiving the other night and it was an enjoyable holiday film. You had some hilarious bits as Kat Dennings’ wise cracking sister, Barbara. What drew you to the project?

DD: Thank you for watching the film and I’m so glad you enjoyed it! It’s the kind of original comedy we all need right now.

I knew I was auditioning for Kat Dennings’ (Abby)  sister Barbara, whose part of Abby’s Jersey-Italian family. Within the first two lines of that family exchange, I was cackling. I’m drawn to anything that grabs my attention on the page and holds it for the entire sitting of reading the script. Those lines of dialogue, the way the family members are unapologetically who they are, and the fact they mean well but are constantly giving you their two cents when you don’t want it or ask for it, hooked me. And that kind of art-imitating-life comedy held up for the rest of the script for me. Nicol Paone hit it out of the park, both on the page and behind the lens. And I’m pretty sure it’s loosely based on a Thanksgiving that Nicol and Malin Ackerman shared.

The subject matter was also relatable. I’ve celebrated Thanksgiving with my family as well as a couple of Friendsgivings. And the bottom line is, the holiday is just dysfunctional, always. It might be a lot more fun with your friends but it’s still going to be dysfunctional.

That concept makes me laugh. It’s not funny when you’re the one going through the stress and drama of Thanksgiving. However, it’s very funny watching someone else go through it. It’s cathartic. That’s why I loved it.  

CP: With so many talented actors in the cast, do you have any behind the scenes anecdotes?

DD: There was a lot of laughing in between takes. It’s always a good sign when the crew laughs. Abby’s (Kat Dennings ) Jersey-Italian family was cast perfectly, and the actors were so damn funny! Rose Abdoo plays our mom, Nadya Ginsburg as Aunt Anna and Johnny Williams plays Uncle Sal. Like I said, it was already funny on the page, and Nicol being a New Jersey Italian herself really captured the essence of those family conversations. The actors brought Nicol’s words to life, and on a few takes she let us riff.  In one scene the Aunt Anna character was telling the scripted story of a sexual gesture; I remember laughing so hard at her adlibbing additional euphemisms for that particular act by referencing Italian food.

One of my favorite things Nicol did was add some of the funniest ad-libs and bloopers in the end credits. I love seeing those! Now everyone who sees the film will get to see those behind the scenes moments.  

The Show Must Go On

CP: When we were coordinating this interview, you told me that you were going into the studio to do voiceover work. Can you give us a hint about this upcoming effort?

DD: The show features a cast of familiar faces that might have worked together recently. I just realized what everyone is probably going to think when they read this.  

CP: Sorry everyone, it isn’t Ash vs Evil Dead. However, you have more work on the way. According to IMDb, you have completed a short film called PCH. What else can your fans look forward to?

DD: The Disappearance of Toby Blackwood which I mentioned before but we’re still filming that. I am so excited about this voiceover project because it’s completely original in every way, it really hasn’t been done before. And of course, Friendsgiving is out now in select theatres and VOD. It’s the perfect film to watch this Thanksgiving when we can’t celebrate as we usually do. You can laugh at the characters’ holiday drama and maybe even be grateful to take this year off.  

CP: Will you be appearing at any virtual conventions like Bruce and Ted are doing for Wizard World events?

DD: There are a couple in the works. But in the meantime, I’ve teamed up with this new platform called, Real Talk Live, which is both an app and on the web. It’s like a virtual convention where you can live video chat one on one, basically like a Zoom call. You can schedule the video call in advance or whenever catch me whenever I’m live. I think it’s a great solution, and personally I’m really looking forward to connecting with Evil Dead fans this way until live events pick back up. And it’s accessible worldwide so this will be great to finally see the amazing fans I hear from overseas. I miss interacting with them in the flesh, hearing their stories and seeing their badass cosplays! And do I miss pose-punching them in our epic photos. So I end with this, because I can’t say this enough: “Thank you, Ghostbeaters! I love you more than Ash Williams loves his Delta!”  

Many thanks to Dana DeLorenzo for spending time with me at Crash Palace. For those of you that haven’t had the chance to catch Friendsgiving, it is available online by buying or renting it as a video-on-demand on iTunes, FandangoNow and VUDU.

[365days365movies]

March 5, 2021: The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013) (Part One)

Once upon a time, there was a bamboo cutter.

In 2019, the anime Kaguya-sama: Love is War came out, and the third season’s supposed to come out later this year. I love this show a lot, honestly, and it’s actually based on an old Japanese story: 竹取物語, or The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter. I’d go into it, but obviously I’m also about to watch the movie based on it from 2013.

It reminds me of a Japanese Thumbelina, to be honest, although I know that they aren’t perfectly analogous. At least, I hope not. It’s not a great movie. Plus, it was one of the first movies I remember watching as a kid, so I’m good.

But yeah, this should be interesting! I’m definitely digging this form of the fantasy genre. You know, films based on folklore and mythology of a given country. Not necessarily what everybody thinks of, but it’s definitely within the genre. Still, I kinda want to branch out from Japan in the next few days. Still, let’s start with this one, yeah?

This film is yet another Studio Ghibli film, but Miyazaki’s not involved. No, this one is an Isao Takahata joint, and he was another one of the founders of Ghibli alongside Miyazaki. This was the last film he directed before his death in 2018. And he never got the same publicity overseas as Miyazaki, but he deserves some love. I’ve seen one other film of his, his first with Studio Ghibli. And...

...that was an experience. An experience that I have NO WILL TO REPEAT. Grave of the Fireflies is an amazing film. It’s also about two siblings surviving in Japan during World War II, in poverty. And no, they don’t die of radiation poisoning because of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

It’s so...SO much more depressing than that. Yeah. Not exaggerating. BUT WE ARE NOT GOING INTO THAT BEAUTIFUL, TRAMAUTIZING MASTERPIECE NIGHTMARE!!! We’re going into some that I genuinely hope isn’t as depressing. I’ll find out first-hand, I guess! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/3)

Right from the opening credits, I already have a comment to make: the art style is meant to invoke classic Japanese paintings, and the effect is absolutely breathtaking. It’s a gorgeous movie right off the bat, but I won’t let that distract me...much.

Bamboo cutter Sanuki no Miyatsuko (James Caan) does just that: he cuts bamboo for a living, using it for many things. One day, in the forest, he sees a glowing bamboo stalk, which he tentatively approaches. The light creates a new bamboo shoot, inside of which, well...

Unsure of this little bamboo princess, he hesitantly approaches as she smiles at him and falls asleep in the flower. Thinking it a gift from heaven, Miyatsuko takes the tiny princess into his hands, and brings her home to his Wife (Mary Steenburgen). They decide to raise her, and as the Bamboo Cutter’s Wife takes the princess into her hands, she jumps about and seemingly transforms into a human infant. 

The two are quite confused by this whole affair, but believe her to be a gift from heaven, being a miraculous little bamboo princess and all. She also apparently has the ability to cause instant lactation in the Wife, which is a TERRIFYING superpower when you think about it. Think about it: you’re walking down the street, when suddenly some person in a milkman or milkmaid costume jumps out from the shadow, points at you, and says “MILK!!!” and BAM! Now, Fred’s lactating.

Never said that power was limited by gender, now did I?

OK, weird-ass milk segue aside, this baby starts to grow REAL fuckin’ quickly, and a group of plum blossom trees bloom nearby The two pledge to raise the child as their own, in that Jonathan and Martha Kent-style, and they name her "Hime”, which means Princess.

Y’know, for an animated baby, she’s a cute-ass baby, I gotta say. I mean, look at this shit. Look at this CUTE-ASS SHIT.

My ovaries are twitching right now, and I don’t even HAVE that shit. Should I...should I see a doctor?

That tumbling act above leads her to learning to walk, all of which is evidenced by a group of neighborhood kids, who notice both her rapid physical and behavioral growth, and note that she’s growing as fast as bamboo. And yeah, she goes from infant to toddler in a few minutes as she’s learning to walk.

The kids nickname her “Lil’ Bamboo” (Takenoko in Japanese), and she continues to grow up quick. She learns to speak, and spends days with Miyatsuko as he cuts bamboo in the forest. On one of these days, she wanders off and meets a group of wild baby boars. And yeah, you’re right, IT IS cute as SHIT.

The mother boar doesn’t think so, and she charges the helpless Hime. However, she’s saved from a grisly fate by a young man named Sutemaru (Darren Criss), who also notes her rapid growth. And yeah, she goes from toddler to young child over the course of this interaction.

Sutemaru and the young kids from earlier go through the forest with Hime, bringing her along. And she seems to know the words to the song, somehow. She then chimes in with a song of her own, and I’m gonna see if I can find the lyrics in their original Japanese.

Well, I did, and translations aren’t great, but this is pretty similar to what’s being said in the original audio. So, yeah, we’ll go for it. By the way, the actress singing this and playing young Hime is Caitlyn Leone. Just wanted to give her some credit, because this is an interesting song that she sings.

At the end of it, she begins to cry, although she doesn’t know why. The kids basically brush it off, and go to bring her back to the bamboo grove, and to Miyatsuko. He’s searching for her, worries, when he comes across yet another glowing bamboo shoot. This time, when he cuts it open, gold spills out of it.

Time passes, and Hime continues to grow quickly, befriending the kids and Sutemaru, to whom she grows quite close over the summer. Meanwhile, another glowing bamboo shot appears, and from it come fine silks and fabrics. This, alongside the gold from before, leads Miyatsuki to believe that Heaven wants them to raise Hime to be a noble princess, one worthy of the fine fabrics they’ve received.

While his wife is unsure about that, his mind is made up, and he heads to the capital to build a mansion suitable for this lifestyle. Summer ends, and autumn harvest begins, by which time she’s grown up from child to pre-teen. She also changes voice actresses (in English, anyway), now being played by Chloë Grace Moretz.

Sutemaru notices this, too, and worries that she’ll keep growing and leave them behind. She says that that’ll never happen. And then, as she goes home that night...it does. Yeah, damn, and she promised and everything. But yeah, the little Bamboo family heads to the capital, where Hime is quickly taught the ways of a proper lady.

She’s confused by the changes, but her parents (dressed up in traditional robes and face paint, I’m assuming) quickly inform her that they own the mansion, as well as the many fine robes from the bamboo, and that they will be living there from now on. She takes it well. And that’s not an ironic segue, I actually mean that she takes it pretty damn well.

Maybe a little too well, as she frolics about and trips over a very proper woman, who chides her for unladylike behavior. This is her governess, Lady Sagami (Lucy Liu), and she’s been brought from the palace to teach Hime in the ways of being a noble lady.

Hime struggles with these lessons and the new high society lifestyle, especially as opposed to her previous country life. But then, sometimes she surprises the often frustrated Sagami, like with the koto, a traditional stringed instrument in Japan.

Soon enough, Hime comes of age, and the excited Miyatsuki plans a straight-up period party as celebration. Hime asks if she can invite her friends, but he adamantly refuses this request. Miyatsuki’s trying very hard to get Hime into the life of nobility, but her mother is a lot more understanding of her struggles.

Said struggles continue, as they attempt to prepare her for the upcoming party, and she refuses to get her eyebrows plucked, amongst other procedures. Ah, the trappings of a society that forces women into extremely restrictive gender roles, said the cisgender dude who’s ever taken a gender-studies course, but still basically gets the gist of the whole thing, probably.

In the lead-up to the party, Miyatsuki invites Inde no Akita (George Segal), a nobleman tasked with renaming princesses for formal ceremonies, based upon their true essence. He first sees her playing with a cat outside, for which Miyatsuki apologizes. Akita doesn’t seem to mind too much, though.

In a more formal meeting, Akita’s struck by her young beauty, and she plays to koto form him. He thus names her “The Shining Princess of the Supple Bamboo”. In Japanese, she’s called Kaguya-hime. Hence, the Princess Kaguya.

Party-time, and Princess Kaguya is presented with her new name publicly, but is not doing anything at the party, almost like a prize or trophy for the men who have attended the party. Said party goes on for...THREE DAYS? Jesus CHRIST, how much sake do they fuckin’ HAVE?

However, the party begins to go south when the partygoers question why her face is hidden behind blinds, and that she’s basically just a common girl whose father paid for a ceremony beyond their station. Basically, they’re being dicks. And Hime hears, well...all of it. And responds understandably, and...to be frank, beautifully.

The art style turns sketchy and frantic as Hime runs away from the palace at hull speed, under the light of the full moon hanging above. It’s...gorgeous. Absolutely beautifully animated, I gotta say. And the music and sound, too! It’s just...beautiful.

She runs all the way back to her old village, where we can see that time has passed a bit. Not just in terms of Hime’s personal growth, but in terms of a baby from before, now visibly a little older. That isn’t all that’s changed, though, as all of Hime’s friends have apparently moved away.

Turns out that the mountain has been harvested to its fullest for wood, without destroying sustainability. Because of this, a man tells her that the families will likely not return for another 10 years. Interestingly enough, though, this conversation confirms that this movie has taken place over the course of a year, as Hime has never experienced the seasons in full.

After this realization, an exhausted Hime passes out in the show, only to wake up once again in the castle. Was it a dream? It would appear to be so.

Never have I seen a better place to pause. See you in Part 2!

[p4nkow]

You take my breath away - Part I

As soon as this idea popped in my mind I couldn’t resist not to write it down. The title of course is inspired by a Queen song — which I suggest you listen if you still haven’t done it — but I need to clear some things out. 

While reading this fic you need to pretend that Dominique was given much more space on the storyline, just like to the other love interests of the boys. Of course it is just fiction, even though I tried to make it as realistic as possible. The dates are pretty accurate, too, but I know it might seem a bit confusing so if you have any questions or if you’d like to let me know what you think of it just know that my DMs and Inbox are always open :) 

This is a slowburn fic and I believe it’s really important to chronologically follow all the events of their story before diving into the present day drama. ;)

Summary: reader has always dreamt of being an actress and she gets the chance of a lifetime when she’s cast as Dominique Beyrand in the infamous biopic about the legend himself, Freddie Mercury. But what will happen when she gets to know better the man who plays his love interest in the movie, Roger Taylor? Will Ben and Y/N’s story be as lucky as the one of characters they portray or will they be starcrossed lovers? Because it happens that things might get complicated because of Ellie, Ben’s long-term girlfriend.

New York City - present day 

“Y/N, over here!”

“Is it true? Is there going to be a Bohemian Rhapsody sequel?”

“Y/N! Hey, Y/N! Just a few questions!”

“Are you and Ben Hardy dating?”

All those flashing lights blinded you for a couple of seconds, forcing you to blink a frenetically. Your manager, a redhead named Callie, grabbed you firmly by your arm, leading you towards the entrance of the TV-studio. The fans were screaming your name and you couldn’t help but wave at them, causing them to cheer even louder. You hated the fact that they were forced to remain behind the fascinators, but it was for your own security. You apologetically smiled at them before following Callie inside the building. You let out a sigh as soon as the doors closed behind you, finally being able to breathe again and relax.

“You okay?” Callie gave you a quick look from above her shoulder but you noticed she was worried, so you nodded to reassure her.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” From where you were standing you could still hear the fans screaming your name and you turned towards the door to give a better look at the crowd. You’d never get used to it.

“The boys are already here. Look, over there.” Callie tapped on your shoulder and you turned around, looking at the spot she was pointing at. Her red hair caught the attention of those presents but she didn’t seem to care. “I’ll go take a look at the schedule. Please don’t disappear.”

As you watched her walking away you decided to join the boys, but not without taking a deep breath first. Joining the boys would’ve meant to meet Ben again, a concern which had kept you awake all night.

When you got the role of a lifetime in one of the most eagerly awaited movie of the year, you didn’t count the fact that you’d constantly be on the spotlight.

When you were young you dreamt of being an actress. Needless to say you annoyed your mother to death by performing movie dialogues and God knows how many soliloquies she was forced to hear.

You considered yourself lucky for succeeding in achieve your dream — your annoying monologues had led you to something greater. The day your manager called you to announce you’d been cast in a Hollywood movie you cried your eyes out. And the proud look in your mother’s eyes — oh man, you’d remember it ‘till the day you died.

The infamous movie which had been your springboard to Hollywood was a biopic about Freddie Mercury called Bohemian Rhapsody. Of course you knew who Freddie Mercury was: you’d grown up blasting Bohemian Rhapsody in your bedroom, annoying the neighbours by doing so — who didn’t miss the chance to complain about it with your mom almost every day.

The idea of being cast as Dominique Beyrand, Roger Taylor’s first wife, made you feel ecstatic at first.

But then you realised the greatness of the situation and you freaked out.

What if you screwed it up?

What if you didn’t get along with your cast mates?

What if Dominique wouldn’t like your portrayal of her?

The idea of playing a living person terrified you, but all your fears slowly disappeared during the first week of filming.

You had the chance to meet your cast mates during the first table read, where you recognised some familiar faces. Even if that had been two years ago, you remembered that day as if it was yesterday.

London - September 7th, 2017

The room was filled with strangers, who were all chatting to each other. The table read was a perfect occasion to know better those who were going to be your cast mates and you were more than happy to recognise some of them.

You were thrilled by the fact that Rami Malek was going to play the legend himself, Freddie Mercury. You’d seen some of his works and you were a huge fan of Mr. Robot, the TV show in which he played the main character. You couldn’t wait to see him in action and for sure you just couldn’t ignore all the looks he was throwing to a blondie standing close to the window, chatting with another girl who you didn’t recognise. You could swear you’d seen the blondie somewhere but you really couldn’t recall.

You also recognised the man who played the Sgt Charlie Nelson in Midsomer Murders, Gwilym Lee. And it was a challenge for you not to fangirl over him — you and your mother were crazy about that show. You never missed an episode.

Among the other unknown face you spotted the guy who played one of the main characters in Downtown Abbey: Allen-something.

He was sitting right next to a man who had a familiar face to you, but given all the anxiety and enthusiasm of the moment you couldn’t really recognise him. His shirt read: “Dinosaurs are dino-mite!” And you couldn’t help but chuckle, but you couldn’t understand why he was wearing a hat.

As you gave a quick look at the rest of those presents your eye was been caught by a blonde, handsome guy. He was chatting with the dino-guy, who you later found out was going to play the bassist, John Deacon, but God, even his left side made you feel things.

You weren’t sure you’d seen any of his works but you were definitely willing to know him better, given that according to the sign placed right in front of him, he was the one who was going to play Roger Taylor, your love interest in the movie.

You were more than aware that to know better those people you had to actually have a conversation with them, but you were too nervous to do that so you were just leaning against the wall, casually sipping your cappuccino while giving a better look to the script. You were involved in reading your lines when you noticed someone approaching you.

The blonde Adonis slash the fake Roger Taylor was standing right in front of you, holding a bottle of water in one hand. Being this close to him gave you the chance to give him a better look. His features were delicate but his body... oh, his body. He was hot, a perfect representation of the greek god Apollo. You didn’t get the exact color of his eyes at first, it was a shade of green so clear that you found difficult just to look away.

“You must be Y/N.” His voice was deep and hoarse, very much different from what you expected and for sure very much different from Roger’s, too.

You shook his hand with a smile, managing to hold both the cup and the script with one hand only. His touch was nice and gentle and not sweaty and unpleasant at all. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“I’m Ben.”

Ben. Short and concise. He definitely had a ‘Ben’ kind of face.

“So, it seems that we’re gonna be a couple.” Probably it hadn’t been the best way to break the ice but he smiled anyways. He stuck his tongue out while doing it and you thought it was the hottest thing ever.

“It looks like that, yeah.” He lowered his gaze to the script before looking back at you. “Could I have seen you somewhere before? Your face looks familiar.”

“Unlikely. Uhm— that’s my first movie ever, actually. I’ve been doing theatre most of my life.” And you cleared your throat, trying to relax in his company. He wasn’t intimidating or anything, you just had to know him better. You had the feeling that you’d spend an incredible amount of time with him on set.

“Theatre?” He asked in an amazed tone. “Wait, is there any chance you were involved in the adaptation of Les Misérables?”

Was there any chance for him to be interested in theatre? You didn’t know anything about him so never say never. “If you’re talking about the one of the South London theatre then yes, I played Éponine.”

As his smile grew wider his green eyes seemed to light up. Aaand there it was again, that goddamn tongue. “That’s where I remember you from.”

His excitement was captivating and because of that you couldn’t help but smile back at him. “I don’t remember you in the company, though.”

“Oh no, no”, He hurried to say. “I haven’t done theatre since ages, but my girlfriend played the role of Cos... Cosette? Is that right?”

His girlfriend.

Of course he had a girlfriend, you shouldn’t even be surprised. You tried not to seem too caught off guard by hearing his words and you took a sip of your drink to temporise. “I vaguely remember her, yeah. Y’know, we didn’t have any scenes together”, You lied. You remembered her perfectly, to be honest. And she was very talented. And very lucky too, now that you knew she was dating Ben.

He nodded in understanding and you both turned towards the door as soon as you heard the voice of the director, who was calling the attention of those present. He genuinely smiled at you before going back to his seat.

You took yours too, which happened to be between the blondie — who grinned at you and introduced herself as Lucy Boynton — and Gwilym Lee. Ben’s seat was right in front of yours and you gave him a thankful smile when he grinned at you in sign of support.

You remember that the exact same day Dr. Brian May himself posted a picture on Instagram of the full cast taken right after the ending of the table read. You were standing between Priya, the girl who played Kashmira Bulsara — Freddie’s sister — and Gwilym, whose arm surrounded your shoulders. You were all smiling at the camera and it was one of your favorite memories. 

The caption read: “We’re making a movie !! It’s finally official. These great guys are already living and breathing their roles as us in our youthful prime. The Bo Rhap ship is now sailing under her own steam. Bon Voyage to all who sail in her ! So proud to see this fabulous team go forward. Honoured! Bri.” It was a very special picture and now, almost two years later, you had it framed.

After the table read it took the crew only two days to list the shooting schedule but you started filming only two weeks later, when the director had finally taken all the shots needed to recreate the infamous Live Aid.

And that’s how you met Ben Hardy.

London - September 27th, 2017

It was the fourth time Rachael politely asked you to stay still but doing it while having a conversation with Joe — also known as Dino-boy — was a difficult challenge. Maybe pissing off the hair stylist during your very first week on set wasn’t the best was to start that journey.

You heard a loud ‘chop’ as another strand of your hair fell on the ground. Moreover, that day you finally understood why Joe was wearing a hat during the table read: he had a bloody perm, which made him look like a mushroom. A very big one.

“So what is it about?” He was really interested in understanding the dynamics of ‘Love Island’ and you couldn’t believe he’d never watched a single episode of it.

“I already told you, Joe!” Rachael gave you a death stare through the mirror when you turned towards him, clearly amused by his words. You murmured an apology to her before focusing back on Joe. “A group of people—”

“Singles?” You were about to nod at his question but you knew that would’ve pissed Rachael off, so you replied “Yeah. They live in this beautiful villa in Mallorca, constantly under video surveillance.”

You heard another ‘chop’ and then one more. You tried not to think about your hair, focusing on Rachael’s gentle hands stroking what was left of it. Joe took a sip of his Coca-Cola, his eyes narrowed as he was thinking. “Basically it’s another version of the Big Brother.”

He was really involved in your explanation and you could see it by the look on his face. His brows were narrowed as he tried to understand, but you couldn’t take him seriously with that perm of his. “Nope, ‘cause they’re coupled up with someone and at the end the only couple left wins lots of money. I can’t believe you never heard of it!”

And the following hour was spent explaining the dynamics of the show to Joe under the amused but focused look of Rachael. When she was finally done with your hair you slipped your fingers through it. It was way much shorter than before but Dominique had it like that back in those days. You could’ve definitely grown used to it.

“You’re lucky, y’know?” Joe looked at you with the corner of his eye while you were heading to the set. You raised your gaze from the script just to give him a questioning look. “Huh?”

It was weird seeing him in the typical 80s clothes but that was exactly what you were wearing, too. The delicate fabric of your dress caressed your legs as you walked on the grass. “At least Dominique didn’t have a perm.”

His exasperated look made you chuckle while he threw his arms in the air. You moved a strand of hair off your face as he opened the door of the building for you. “Oh, c’mon. Don’t be such a drama queen. You’ll cut it sooner or later.”

As soon as you stepped in heard loud noises of hammering and shouted commands — they were still building the set, which happened to be the Taylor’s house. 

“Oh, yeah. But I’m afraid to know what’ll come next.”

“Nothing can be worse than that perm.” You giggled at the sight of his funny face and in that moment you spotted Ben in one of the corners, accompanied by a blonde. “I had forgotten Ellie was coming to set today.”

Joe gave you a questioning look before keep checking the shooting schedule. You nodded towards the pair, who was standing not so far away from you, and Joe followed your indication. “Ben’s girlfriend”, You clarified.

You lowered your gaze to the script you were holding, giving a last look to your lines as Joe asked you “D’ya know her?”

“Barely”, You lied, but luckily Joe didn’t know that. The two of you approached them and you genuinely smiled.

“Hey man” Joe said in a cheerful tone and Ben gave him the biggest smile while Ellie, who was giving her back to you, turned around.

“Hey buddy, Y/N. That’s Ellie.” He placed a hand on her back as she extended her hand towards Joe first, murmuring “Nice to meet you”, and then at you. Her face lit up when she finally recognised you. “Y/N, what a surprise!”

You shook her hand and smiled at her but then your gaze fell on Ben. He was wearing a wig, a very short one, but it looked good on him. The shirt he was wearing was a blue one with a tartan pattern, matched with a pair of very tight blue jeans and Adidas shoes. The perfect 80s style.

“Ellie, hey. It’s nice to see you again.” She wrinkled her nose as she smiled at you and Ben seemed really happy about the two of you meeting again. When you met his green eyes his smile widened and you felt his gaze studying your face.

“Your hair’s shorter.” You were flattered by the fact he noticed the change and you shyly smiled at him, voluntarily ignoring Ellie’s look.

You murmured a soft “Yeah” but Joe came in rescue, surrounding your shoulders with his arm and playfully squeezing your arm. “She wants to catch the essence of Dominique.”

“I can’t wait to see you in action”, Ellie said and you thanked her with a smile.

The truth was, you were nervous as hell. You were about to shoot your first scene ever and you were terrified you’d screw it up.

Ben, Ellie and Joe started a conversation about the building of the set when your phone rang, announcing a new message. It was from your best friend Laura, so you immediately unlocked the phone to read it.

‘Today is the day! Kick their asses, girl. Break a leg and please, not Ellie’s. Luv ya :) X’

You genuinely smiled at her words and you shook your head, amused by her insinuations. She knew all the story behind Ben and Ellie and to be honest you barely knew him, so there was nothing to be jealous of. So Ellie’s legs were just fine.

You put away your phone and tried to follow their conversation when the director called you and Ben to reach him. It was showtime.

Ben placed a kiss on Ellie’s lips before reaching you and starting to walk by your side. “I love this new hairstyle, it looks good on you.” You were caught off guard and you didn’t even had the chance to thank him because you were now in front of the director. You noticed, however, that he seemed pleased by the effect his words had on you.

“Okay, guys. I know this is your first scene together and you still need to get along, but try your best. I wanna feel all the frustration and despair of the situation. Y/N, if needed, don’t hesitate to improv. Give me goosebumps, ‘right?” And when you nodded in agreement you turned towards Ben, just to find out that he was already staring at you.

“If you’re gonna improv please don’t punch me.” His playful tone made you giggle as you both placed in your predefined spots. You were just a few inches away from him and by the way the was tapping his hand on his thigh you knew he was nervous, too. Despite that he didn’t miss the chance to reassure you. “You’ve got this.”

Ellie was standing right next to the director’s chair, her eyes fixed on Ben as the crew got ready to shoot the scene. Joe was standing on her side and he showed his thumbs up in sign of support.

You cleared your throat and you raised your chin to meet Ben’s blue eyes. The director was shouting commands through his megaphone and you narrowed your brows in a hurt expression just before he shouted “Action!”

And with the most dramatic tone you knew, you exclaimed “Roger, how could you?”

London - October 10th, 2017

As far as you could remember, Ellie was always around when it came for you and Ben to shoot scenes together. Not to mention all the embarrassment when you had to shoot a love scene, under Ellie’s observatory gaze.

“You nervous?” Ben must’ve noticed the way you were nervously tapping your feet on the floor. You bit your lower lip and slowly nodded, turning towards him. The wig he was wearing was a bit longer than the previous ones, perfectly nailing Roger’s look in the late 70s. He was wearing a half-unbuttoned black shirt and a grey jacket, which you remembered seeing in some old pictures of those days. You wondered if it was the original one, courtesy of Roger himself, or if it was an exact reproduction of it.

The dress you were wearing, on the other hand, came directly from Dominique’s wardrobe. It was a nice sensation feeling the silk against your skin.

“A bit”, You replied. There was no point in lying. It was your very first love scene for the cameras and having not only Ellie but also Roger and Dominique to witness it made you incredibly nervous. The warmth of Ben’s green eyes hit you like a running train when you met his gaze.

“Don’t mind them.” His words were nothing but a whisper now that he had come closer to you. “Pretend it’s just you and me.”

“It doesn’t help at all.” You grinned at him and immediately relaxed when he placed his hands on your shoulders, gently squeezing them.

“Guys?” The two of you turned towards Roger who, with the phone in hand, was standing right next to Dominique. You couldn’t even imagine how they’d be feeling at the moment, given that they were seeing someone portray a younger version of themselves. We were their alter-ego’s.

“Yeah?” Ben let go of your shoulders and you both turned towards them. Dominique’s friendly smile helped you not to overthink about the scene you were about to film, so you tried to avoid Ellie’s burning gaze and focus on her only.

“D’ya mind smiling at the camera?” Dominique asked pointing at Roger, who was smiling behind his phone.

“‘f course”, You replied with a smile and you moved closer to Ben. You remembered seeing a picture of a young Roger and Dominique wearing those exact same clothes hung in the costume fitting trailer, so shortly before Roger took the pic, you pretended to put a finger on Ben’s nose who, immediately understanding your intentions, parted his lips in a surprised look. Dominique bursted into laughter and you could be wrong but you noticed her eyes becoming glossy.

Not long after it was time to start filming and by taking a deep breath you reached your spot. Ben was standing not so far away from you and you noticed him grinning at Ellie before turning towards you. His smile grew wider and you tried to focus only on him when the director started to shout orders.

“Just relax”, He mouthed and Fletcher finally said “Action!”

It was like you were leaving your skin just to empathise with Dominique — and to be honest, that was the best part of being an actress.

You threw your arms in the air in sign of frustration as you thought about your next line. “I can’t believe I had to know it from John!”

Ben — or rather, Roger — took a step towards you, his green eyes so different from Roger’s yet so mesmerising were fixed on yours. “I was gonna tell you, love. I was just waiting for the right moment.”

You could feel Ellie’s gaze on you as you took a step towards him, your eyes narrowing in — fake — anger. “The right moment? There may not have been the right moment, Roger! For God’s—”

And Ben’s lips crushed on yours. They were incredibly soft and... kissable, of course. His touch made you feel things you didn’t want to feel, firstly because he was dating someone and his girlfriend was right there, watching the two of you kissing, and secondly, you barely knew him. But you’d be a liar if you denied the fact that you were attracted by him.

His hands cupped your cheeks as he started to gently move his lips on yours and you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. You heard the director murmuring orders from his chair behind the screen while you kissed Ben back.

“Lift her up”, you heard him say and Ben’s hands moved from your face to your body, gently caressing the curves of your body. You were still kissing him back, almost breathless, when he lifted you up by grabbing the back of your thighs.

You surrounded his hips with your bare legs and he placed a hand on your back to hold you. Your body was so pressed against his that you could easily feel his muscles under the shirt.

“Y/N, the jacket.” You followed Fletcher’s order and you backed away from his lips just the time to slip your hands under his jacket and quickly taking it off. It fell on the ground and Ben avoided it while recoiling towards the bed, just as Fletcher ordered.

His hands gently caressed your bare thighs and his touch gave you goosebumps. You could feel the corns in his hands due to the constant practicing on the drums so that he could properly prepare for the role.

Your hands gently caressed his neck while his hands moved to the zip of your dress, which easily opened before leaning you on the mattress.

“Look at her in the eyes”, Fletcher said, but there was no need because his eyes were already fixed on yours. And you hoped he was a terrific actor, even more than you thought, because if it wasn’t so Ellie wouldn’t have liked the look on his face while he was looking at you.

As you opened further your legs so that he could be comfy between them, his clothed hips pressed against yours. It took you all the strength you had in your body not to blush hard at the feeling of his crotch pressed against your right thigh.

Ben noticed the look in your eyes and he gave you an amused grin when the director shouted through his megaphone “And... cut!”

“Sorry”, He murmured while moving off you, sitting on the mattress right next to you. He offered you a hand which you gratefully accepted and you sat down. Fletcher stood up from his chair and while he walked towards you, you vaguely gestures towards your back and asked Ben “Could you gimme a hand?”

“‘f course.” You turned your back to him and his touch sent shivers down your spine while he lifted the zip of the dress.

“Amazing. Simply amazing.” The director started gesturing as he took off his headphones, his face lit up by a big, excited smile. “There’s no need to do a second shot. It’s perfect. Love your chemistry, by the way.”

If a look could kill, you’d be already dead by the hand of Ellie.

Later that night you were finally taking some rest in your trailer when you heard your phone buzzing. By unlocking it with a groan you found out that Roger had posted a picture on Instagram in which you were tagged. The pic in question was the one he had taken that afternoon on set — you were looking at the camera with the biggest smile while pretending to put a finger on Ben’s nose, but his gaze was on you. He was looking at you with the brightest smile you’d ever seen, his lips parted in a fake shocked reaction.

You genuinely smiled while reading the caption: “The talented @benhardy and @y/n doing me and Dom on the forthcoming Bio-Epic — Bohemian Rhapsody the Movie. Now this is cool!”

You immediately reposted it, not knowing that the web would’ve freaked out for days for that photo.

And the situation has stayed the same for another month or so, in which you’d grown closer to almost every cast member. Lucy was now like a sister to you and she was for sure one of the people who knew you better in the world.

But everything suddenly changed in November.

London - November 3rd, 2017

“Bloody weather”, You heard Lucy murmur as the two of you hurried to get back to your trailers before it started to rain. You went shopping for the upcoming Queen gig you’d been invited to that night and saying you were excited was nowhere near the truth. You were bloody ecstatic.

“Are you coming home for Christmas, auntie?” You looked at Lucy with the corner of your eye as the voice of your little nephew through the phone made your heart sank.

“Hopefully yes, lovie. D’you miss me?” Lucy gave you a nod when you finally got to her trailer and you waved her goodbye before rushing to reach yours before it started to pour.

“Yeah, so much. What’s my Christmas gift?” You let out a laugh as you closed the door behind you, sighing in relief for succeeding in avoiding the rain.

“What’d you like to get, Fra?” Your nephew — Francis — seemed to think about your question and you smiled just at the thought of him. You missed your family more than anything but thankfully you’d be seeing them in a month thanks to the Christmas break.

“Do I really have to choose?” His words made you giggle as you laid on your bed, eyes to the ceiling. “Would you like for it to be a surprise?”

“Yes, auntie.” But you were barely listening to him, given that someone was knocking on the door.

“I’ll call you later, love. I gotta go. Say hi to mommy for me.” After saying him goodbye you hung off the phone, placing it on the desk near the bed as you got up to get the door. The knocking was now louder and more persistent, a change which made you worry,

But you weren’t expecting what you saw after opening it. Ben was standing under the pouring rain, wet from head to toe. “Can I... Can I come in?” His voice was shaky and at first you thought it was because of the rain but as you moved aside to let him in, murmuring a soft “Yeah, ‘f course”, you noticed that he looked devastated.

You closed the door behind him and by doing so you moved closer to him, which allowed you to give a better look at his face.

His features were tensed and his brows had never been so narrowed. Wet strands of hair had fallen on his forehead but despite that you could easily see his green eyes. But their typical light had faded: they were incredibly red, full of sadness, and the look he gave you made you fear the worst.

“What happened?”, You asked in a whisper while placing a hand on his harm, trying to reassure him.

“I...” He rubbed his eyes while taking a deep breath and you raised a hand to drive the blond strands off his face. When his gaze met yours again you felt a sudden knot in your throat. “We’ve broken up, Y/N. Ellie and I just broke up.”

There will be a part 2 so if you wanna be added in the taglist just tell me :)

[theonewiththefanfics]

A Midnight Reminder (one-shot)

Synopsys: Ben Hardy has been dating the Reader for little more than a year now, and their relationship has been amazing so far. But when some things are revealed and insecurities flare up, she’ll need to remind him of who owns her heart.

Pairing: Ben Hardy x f!Reader

Genre: fluff, toiny bit of angst, SMUT

Warnings: SMUT (unprotected sex and all that good jazz. Wrap it before you tap it, guys.), swearing, jealousy

Word count: 3499

“I have better things to do on my Saturday nights,” Ben said as Roger Taylor and then smugly smiled. “I could give you their names.” On cue, Gwilym as Brian May rolled his eyes and that’s when the director called cut. The two men stood up and stretched their legs, looking at a makeup artist who was doing the finishing touches on Rami’s hair, and Joe who had just decided to tag along, since he wasn’t in the scene. But that was not what took away Ben’s attention. There in the corner talking to Lucy was the most beautiful girl, with Y/E/C eyes that sparkled like diamonds and a smile that always took his breath away. “I hope my name is the only one you’re giving away,” Y/N said, giving him a small smile when Ben finally caught up on the fact, that she was actually there. In a second’s time, he had sprinted across the set and Y/N, anticipating his next move, had already jumped up, their bodies colliding as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms had a death grip on his shoulders. “You’re here, you’re here, you’re here,” Ben kept mumbling in the crook of Y/N’s neck and she just vigorously nodded as a response. Without thinking much, he started to make his way back to his assigned trailer when she muttered in his skin, “Are you not gonna let me say hi to Rami? Or introduce me to the rest of the guys?” “Nope,” Ben popped the ‘p’. “I haven’t seen you in two months, so forgive me if I wanna spend all of my time with my girlfriend. Alone.” At the last word Y/N saw his pupils dilate and a shiver went down her spine, but she had to be the grownup, even though her heart screamed to give into the mind of that horny teenager.

“Come on,” she said pecking his lips. “I wanna meet Queen.” Begrudgingly, Ben set the girl down and interlocking their fingers, he led her around the set to meet the guys. “Okay, that’s Gwil, Joe and you know Rami. Great, now you’ve met them, let’s go,” the excitement in Ben’s voice as he thought of spending time alone with Y/N was palpable, but she just laughed, pulling him back.    “Don’t be rude,” Y/N kissed him quickly. “I’m here for two whole weeks, so we’ll have enough time. Besides, I don’t think I heard them call wrap, so you still have work to finish.” Ben groaned and dramatically let his head flop down on Y/N’s shoulder. “But you’re here,” he whined, wrapping both arms around her waist. “Wow, you really have him wrapped around your finger,” Joe said, but it was not meant in a mean-spirited way. Y/N shrugged. “What can I say- he has me the same way.” Sooner rather than later, the guys were called to re-set, and they ran through the scene a few more times, Rami finally joining in before they wrapped for the day. Ben was the first one to dash to hair and makeup, sprinting to wardrobe just so he didn’t have to waste any second, he could be spending with Y/N. When he found her again, she was talking to Allen Leech and the man was completely in awe. Ben grinned, seeing her get along with his fellow cast mates so well and came up from behind, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Hey, my Ben’s back!” Y/N smiled pecking his lips. “Allen and I were talking about going to your trailer and just chilling. Maybe order a pizza or something.” “Sure, you were. Or is that just your way of saying you want pizza?” “I’m off the fucking diet, so if you wanna talk shit about me enjoying life, I can go straight home.” Ben didn’t say anything just smiled and kissed her cheek, as he, Y/N and Allen all made their way to get together the rest of the gang and hang out.

***

The cast, including Lucy all, sat in the ‘Band’ trailer, just talking and discussing things. Loud laughter erupted through the small space as everyone cackled at what Allen’s reaction to his first meeting Y/N had been. “I’m just a huge fan of her music and movies. Can you blame me?” Y/N just waved a hand in a ‘stop it’ motion and snuggled closer to Ben. The man smiled down at her, and honestly, he couldn’t say that Allen tripping over a bunch of wires and stumbling over every single word that tried to make its way out of his mouth, was that off from his own experience. Y/N was an actual Rockstar and an Academy Award-winning actress. They’d met when he first had heard the rumours about a biopic of Queen being made. Instantly, Ben had gone to the closest studio to his London apartment to meet up with the person that would be his drumming teacher when he’d walked into someone, literally making the person fall on their ass. “Holy, shit! I’m so so sor-“ but he stopped mid-sentence seeing the one the only Y/N Y/L/N brush off the dust from her jeans. “ ‘S fine. Should’ve been watching where I was going anyway.” She looked up only to see two big green eyes and a wide goofy grin. “You’re Y/N Y/L/N.” The girl chuckled extending a hand. “And you’re Ben Hardy.” He started nervously laughing. “You know who I am.” On the inside he was feeling like a child on Christmas, the giddiness almost making him bounce on his feet. “I do,” she smirked before walking around the man and towards the exit of the studio. “And if what I’ve heard from Rog and Bri is true, I’ll be seeing you around. Top candidate for the role of mister Taylor and all.” Ben stood there, in the middle of the hallway, a dumb grin stretched across his face until his drum teacher clapped down on his shoulder, bringing the man back to reality. “You look happy.” “I just met Y/N Y/L/N.” “Ah,” his teacher smiled, leading them to the practice studio. “Well, then you might want to keep your fangirling on the inside. You’ll be seeing her a lot around here.” And he had. She was there to record another album while Westworld was on break, her playing one of the main characters and all before she went back to LA to start filming. But it was three months down the line they had formed something akin to a friendship. It was the middle of the night, when he’d seen her again, tears streaming down her face as she stormed inside the studio and suddenly, she had screamed. Ben was by the drums, trying to memorize the beats to ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ when the loud yell had scared him. Instantly, he was out of the recording booth and saw a hunched over form sobbing in her hands.    “Are you alright?” he wanted to smack himself the moment those words left his mouth. Of course, she wasn’t alright. No one cries like that when everything is good.    “I- yeah,” Y/N said, wiping a tear away. “What are you doing here anyway? It’s past one o’clock already.” “Practicing,” Ben said, and she just nodded. Slowly he made his way next to the couch and sat down beside her. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Y/N shook her head and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Just hold me, please.” So, he did. He wrapped both his arms around the girl and hugged her. Together they laid down on the sofa and fell asleep. After that incident, they became closer and closer until the man finally gathered the courage and asked her out for a coffee. The smile she had given him had made his heart stop. Ben was so far back into the memories of how he’d met the girl and had fallen in love with the talented human being, it was when she said words he never expected to hear, that brought him back. “You know, if things had been different, it wouldn’t be me and Ben here together, but me and your lead singer,” she pointed at Rami with her chin, who chuckled at that. That threw Ben for a loop. Of course, he’d heard the rumours of the two stars of Night at the Museum hitting it off behind the scenes as well, but never did he think it was true. Media always liked to speculate. When the two had started filming the first movie, tabloids absolutely loved writing that the actors who played the love interests in the movie had a romance of their own going on off stage. Instant jealousy rippled through his veins as he looked at Rami, who had his own hand on Lucy’s knee, her eyes wide and looking back and forth between the two. “And what happened?” she asked. Ben felt Y/N shrug. “I don’t know. I think we kinda decided to try it out because everyone else was saying how good we looked together, how great the chemistry was and blah blah blah. But as the ‘relationship’,” Y/N put the word in air quotes with her fingers, “progressed, it just didn’t feel natural. It felt like I was dating my best friend, but not in a good way.” Rami nodded along, looking off into the distance. “We tried to see what everyone else saw, but ultimately it was not what either of us wanted or needed. And honestly, I know you feel the same Y/N, so I’m just gonna say it- kissing you off-set was the weirdest fucking thing ever. I think that is why it took us until the third one to actually do anything. Just the thought of you that way made me feel weird.” Her loud laugh echoed through the trailer, but Ben couldn’t stop thinking about the new revelation. She had been together with Rami. Not for long and neither seemed to have enjoyed that kind of a relationship, but still. It was a pretty big thing Y/N had kept from him and the actor didn’t like it. Of course, he realized how unfair he was being towards the two, all of that having happened years ago, but when you’re surrounded by the glitz and glam so much, it’s hard to sometimes distinguish what is real and it makes you question things. “Don’t take this wrong, Rami, but even if we had ended up having something serious, it wouldn’t have lasted long.” “Yeah,” the man nodded and looked down at Lucy with the same fond smile Y/N looked up at Ben. “Why’s that?” the blond asked, uncertainty in his eyes. Y/N seeing this sighed and slid a palm to cup his cheek. “Because I found love in you. And I could not fathom being with someone who doesn't own my heart.” There was an audible ‘aww’ from Gwil and Allen, but Joe scoffed, playfully rolling his eyes. The bromance between the two was one of Y/N’s favourite things as Ben always sent her funny snaps and Instagram messages of the two goofing around. "Gross," he muttered and the trailer was overtaken by laughter.

***

Y/N’s head was heavy as she leaned against Ben’s shoulder, as they made their way together to his trailer, after four more hours of talking and giggling with the cast. “You alright?” he asked, the deep voice she adored so much laced with concern. “Mhm,” she hummed, closing her eyes for a second. “Just tired.” He pressed a sweet kiss to her temple and wrapped his arm tighter around her waist. “We’re almost there.” She walked the rest of the way with her eyes closed, trusting Ben to guide her and not let her trip over things or hit her head at a low hanging sign. With a soft click. Ben unlocked his trailer and he let Y/N step inside first. She didn’t even wait for the door to be closed when she pulled off her pants and shirt. “Giving me a show, are we?” Ben smirked, eyes raking up and down his girlfriend’s body, but both of them knew, he was just teasing. Y/N was so tired she could fall asleep while standing up. Gently, he scooped her up in his arms and went over to the bed, placing her above the covers, while he quickly got rid of his own clothes. A soft whine of ‘come here’ fluttered through the air, making his heart clench. As he laid down, Y/N pulling the bedding from underneath her and over them, Ben wrapped her in his embrace and sweetly kissed her. “Night, love.” “Love you.” Y/N fell asleep in a second, but Ben seemed to be doomed never to close his eyes. The thought of her being with Rami had overtaken every part of his brain and he hated how bitter it made him feel. She wasn’t in love with his costar, Y/N was in love with Ben, and he knew it without a doubt, so why this new revelation made him so jealous, was beyond the Brit. “Baby, you okay?” her voice was raspy with sleep and Ben sighed, turning to his side to wrap an arm around her midsection. Her worried tone made his chest hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “About what?” “About you and Rami? Why didn’t you tell me you had a thing with him?” Y/N was becoming wider awake with every passing second, so she leaned up on her elbow to better look at Ben’s face. “Because, as I said before, it wasn’t even a thing. And what does it matter? That was more than two years ago, and nothing came of it. He’s like a brother to me.” A devilish smirk appeared on her face. “Is someone jealous?” Y/N whispered leaning up and letting her teeth nip at Ben’s ear. He groaned feeling her hips roll into his as she had hiked her knee over his side. “Can you blame me? You’re this amazing actress/ fucking rock and roll legend at this point. How could I not be when you could have anyone you wished to?” She continued on with the motions, eliciting delightful moans from Ben. “And have you seen yourself in the mirror, darling?” Y/N groaned, feeling him stiffen with every movement their bodies made. “Fuck, if I let myself go off every time, I read a comment on any social media about how much of an Adonis you are and how much everyone wants to be with you, I’d handcuff you to the bed and glue myself on top of you, just to make a statement that you’re mine.” Ben’s mouth quirked up. “You know, that doesn’t sound that bad. Actually, that sounds like fucking heaven.” His hands settled on her soft sides, as they helped her keep a steady rolling rhythm. The fabric that separated the two was beyond offensive in Ben’s opinion, but there was just something about teasing Y/N and in the end himself, that made the climax of everything so much more amazing. “Ben, I need you,” Y/N’s voice was desperate. The man just hummed as his lips lazily moved up and down the column of her throat, and he smiled, feeling her get more and more frustrated. But it was when she pulled his hands away from her waist and pushed them up and over his head, pushing him on his back and grabbing his wrists in a tight grip, an animalistic growl reverberated through the air and his bones. “Now,” her voice was low and dangerous and holy shit did that turn him on. Instantly her nightshirt was off, and her panties followed suit, Ben practically ripping his own boxers away. There was no time for foreplay, as the ache in both of their bodies had become insufferable. As much as Ben wanted to slam up and be hugged by Y/N’s velvety wall, he let her grip his member at the base and slowly ease down. Profanities, that he didn’t even know he knew, passed Ben’s lips and Y/N echoed them by pressing their lips in a tight kiss. It had been so long, too long since they had been together like this, she was almost sure she’d burst just from the feeling of him being sheeted inside. Ben gave Y/N a minute to gather her breath and as she did so, he felt her stretch and adjust, and once again mould to him. Her mouth was by his ear, praising him and whispering confessions of love as her hands moved up and down his biceps. It was in that moment, that Ben wanted to punch the living daylights out of himself for ever doubting Y/N and her feelings, for ever thinking that she was with him simply because it was easy and practical. Because in reality, it was far from it. The distance and work lead to fights and tears, and they had to solve the issues, rather than abandoning them, which is what both had usually done. If they didn’t, the pair knew all of the brilliant moments spent together, the tender lovemaking, and gentle laughs would crumble. And never had Y/N or Ben wished to keep something so much as they did with one another. “Can I move?” Ben’s words were a plea because suddenly not moving was incredibly uncomfortable. The soft moan rippling from Y/N’s throat was all the green light he needed, so clasping both his hands down on the small of her back, he pushed his hips up, until he had bottomed out and then slipped almost all the way out, leaving only the tip in. Her sigh of content was a sound Ben assumed he would only get to hear in heaven. Yet there he was, biting down on the shoulder of the most gorgeous girl he’d ever met as she marked his neck with love bites of her own. “I love you,” he groaned feeling Y/N tighten around him as his shaft finally hit that spot that made her Y/E/C eyes roll to the back of her head. “I love you so fucking much.” “I love you too, Ben,” her reply was breathless, but her gaze was fiery and piercing. “And don’t you ever forget that or doubt it.” Each word was accentuated by a harsher snap of her hips. The sounds of their bodies colliding, and Y/N’s slick having coated both of their thighs, sweat sliding down their frames and onto the sheets was more than obscene. He knew he wouldn’t last long, he could feel the release approaching like a freight train, but at the same time, Ben was not about to cum first. Detaching their lips from the heavy kiss the pair had been engaged in, he licked the pad of his thumb and brought it between them. The second Y/N felt him touch her clit, she saw white. Her vision blurred at the edges and the hold she had had on Ben’s arms became so strong, her nails broke his skin in places. Instantly, she wanted to apologize, guilt settling in her chest, but the movement of his finger became more erratic and without a warning, she was cumming all over him. It was like the orgasm had been pulled from somewhere deep within her soul, for she had never actually felt on the verge of passing out. Y/N screamed Ben’s name into the dark and if he hadn’t had a hold on her body, she would have most likely fallen off the bed, her thighs and stomach spasming so hard. Ben shut his eyes, forehead scrunching up as Y/N squeezed him so painfully hard, she almost pushed his member out of her, but instead, he trust up a few more times and let bliss take over his body. She felt him release, hot thick streams of cum filling her up and painting every inch of her walls. Ben remained like that- still buried to the hilt inside her warm and now leaking center- for what felt like an eternity, but not nearly enough, before Y/N rolled off of him, a whine of discontent making its way into the air that smelled of sex and love.    “Do you think anyone heard us?” Y/N asked, already being pulled back to dreamland by Ben’s steadying heartbeat.    “Well, if they did, then they will definitely know, who made you feel that good.”    And with a snort, Y/N closed her eyes.

***    Lucy’s head was laying on Rami’s sweaty chest, both of their breathing laboured. “Do you think they heard us?” she asked, big eyes drooping closed from the activities they had taken part in. Rami shrugged, pulling Lucy’s body closer and together they fell asleep.

***

Joe’s eyes were wide as he stared at the ceiling. “I hate my life,” he muttered and turned to the side, just in case his neighbours decided to go at it again, placing a pillow over his head. No matter which pair.

Tags (crossed out wouldn't take): @16wiishes @wanderingsami @desir-ae @thiccio-and-thicciet @roseslovedreams @vesoleil @gloomybisexualemo @kostyaownsmyheart @perriwiinkle @screaminggalileochickenwrites @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @sweet-ladyy @magicwithaknife  

A/N: I’m so tired and stressed and holy shit does everything feel like it’s happening all at once.

I have two fics of Roger (both set in the 80s Retro and 70s Vintage world) lined up to write. On is in the early days of how they met and then another one is revolving around the Golden Globes.

P.S. what did you think? 

P.S.S. my tags are always open.

[c0untb00z]

I would just like to clear, I don't hate the BBC Dracula 2020 Show. In fact, I actually like the idea of Dracula being set in modern times like in the show, but I would like it a lot better if it wasn't written like a fucking reader insert fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some reader inserts every once in a while but they're meant to be on Wattpad. Sometimes, you can find really fucking good fanfictions that could genuinly be movies, but this really just feels like someone wrote an erotic fanfiction for Dracula. It almost reminds me of a worse version of 50 Shades of Grey with less kinky sex.

First and foremost Agatha Van Hesling. I actually kinda liked her personality, how driven she was and determined to never give up, but she was literally created for a love interest. In Dracula by Bram Stocker, Sister Agatha is a nun that nurses Jonathan back to health, claiming he was 'sick in the head' as he ranted of what he had seen and warning others of Dracula. She doesn't even have a last name.

However there is a Dr. Van Hesling in the book, hes dutch(???) Professor that mentors and taught(????) Jack Seward who was in love with Lucy, who was fed off of and eventually killed and eventually undead by the means of the one and only Dracula. Dr Van Hesling plays a large role in the plot of the book. He has an open mind and was able to draw connections between things that some others couldn't, as he had access to more sources and could speak to most off the charecters involved. He's the first person to present the idea of a vampire, and Lucy turning into one. Thanks to Jonathan he was able to identify the vampire feeding on Lucy as Dracula and finds out how to kill the vampires.

So basically Agatha was literally fabricataed for the sole perpose of being there, to fall in love with Dracula or something.

I know we all are horny for Dracula. I'm horny for Dracula. Vampires are fucking hot but the sexiest part of vampires is that they ya know. Kill you and are mercily and heartless. The show does show that in a lot of parts and even decapiates a nun and yeets it into a gaggle of nuns which i fucking died at. But it also, humanizes him way to much, hes literally a monster. The scene in the boat with lord whats his name really portrayed that. It was really,,,, weird cause me being a kinky fucker I don't find the particular phrases of "you're going to need to be quiet now," and " youre doing so well" that creepy and if anything a little hot but looking at the circumstance and the look on that kids face, it was like r e a l y fucked up. Which is why i liked that scene. It showed just how fucked up Dracula is.

To be fair i did like Cleas Bangs acting and casting as Dracula. He had a certain charm that was ever so s l i g h t l y off. I heard people say he just 'made up an accent' but fuck you guys its a fucking danish accent you incolent twats anyways. He could be really funny at times and i actually apprecited it.

However the casting AND acting of the modern parts is absolute shit. Ep.3 is where i kinda gave up on the show and finsihed it for the sake of torturing myself. FIRST OF FUCKING ALL LUCY i cannot fathom how P I S S E D i am about Lucy. Why did they have to make her a phone obsessed basic asshole with no regards to anyones emotions besides her own and the extent of her personality is 'getting likes on socail media is all i care about because it makes me feel validated so im gonna wallo in self pity because i was obiously written by white man in his 50s that would have made me white if he wasnt forved to throw in diversity points" like shut the fuck up steven king.

Also lucy and mina never meet??? Theyre in different fucking time lines??? Theyre friendship and love for eachother was fucking golden how dare you rob that form me and give me a garbage bag full of shit with a shiny little bow on top in its place jesus f u ck.

The cemetary scene was o k ay i gues?? I liked the little nod to the book with the bloofer lady and the concept of random sprits being undead because of unfinished buisness. But this really just felt like it was slapped in the show for the sake of going on a date with Dracula in cemetary. I actually kinda apperacted it but it just felt awkward.

Also who the f u ck is Lucy's friend? The gay one??? Like,,,, is that supposed to Arthur???? His chatecter was so fu king weird and offset he just didnt feel like he should be in there. Hes literally just there for a-50-year-old-man's-interpretation-of-young-women-now-a-days verson of Lucy to have a gay best ffriend.

Ok i not even sure if i want to talk about Quincy. It just hurts. It physically hurts me to think about how d i r t y they did my baby. His charecter is the defination of american chivalry, just as great as regular chivarly but with a little extra cowboy vibe. Quincy is jist the biggest,,,, sweet haert,, like he asked lucy to marry him in his cool american cowboy voice cause he knew lucy loved it and it always made her laugh. And even when she turned him down becayse her heart belonged to arthur, he stayed. All he wanted was for lucy to be happy and all he requested was that they stay frirnds. Hes also invovled with taking fkwn dracula although hes not a main charecter percice ly as he doesnt have any entires in the book he still has an amaizing precence and sometimes while reading the book ill be readying one of dr sewards passanges and think "huh i wonder what quncys doin. I hope hes dooin good. Cowboy vibes n stuffs" amd boy dles he do that. Everh dracula film adaptataion robs us. R O B S U S of quincy morris best scene. In the middle of dr van helsing ranting about vampires( thats basically what half of the book is. I could write a 4p minute mono louge of his rambling jesus how does sweard take note of all this) quincy litterally just walks out. And nobodg really pays any notice beside glancing ag his leave and shrugging at one anouther and going back tl listneing tl van helsing explaining his vampire fan theories quincy moris , the quincy morris from texathe untited states of the amerkca the land and the free and also cowboys.stands outside of the bouilding and pints his gun up at. Dracula whos in the shape of a fucking bat eves ddopping outside the window and just fucking,,shoots it. Now he doesnt hit it cause thatt wouldnt be as fun as brutally stabbing the fucker witja wooden stake. But S T I L L. And the fucking bullet hits the window that everybodys in anprobably causes arthur to shit himself the ppoor boy. Can you belive that theh didnt fucking flim thatfor any dracul? Now i i under stands why not put in this adaptation because quincy is only mentionsed like three god damned times. And when theh DK mention him jesusnshit they literally jsut made him some popular jock from amwrica just to conter jacks white twinky ass and then they had him propose to lucy in the middle of a fucking night club and she says yes???? Lile ok jut throw Arthur out a window then cause cause fu c k him i guess. And then after lucy dies he jjsy fucking moves ?? The only thing thta makes this version of qincy quinccy is the fu king name and fact hes from america

Ok now jack fucking seward. He reminds me of when ylu forget you had a pb&j in your back pack so in the bos after school you pull it out cause yoyr hungry and yoyr mom put WAY to much jelly on it so now its like. All obsorbed into the bread and joggy and squished. Just sad and really white. They even had some kid call him whate bread and they werent fucking wrong. His obly personality traits were ' omg i love lucy but shes a hoe ;,,,((' and being connected to Zoe.

Now last and definately least the god forbaden ending. Just thinking about it gives me a fucking head ache. So , jesus, zoe, who is agathas great niece or someshit, a d looks exactly like her (its literally the same fucking actress) is a detective lile scitist reasearching dracula. So dracula is illedatly attracted to her becasue he thinks shes like agathas reincarnation or soenshit. So he tries tk drink her blood at one point and spits it all out and pukes and sjit cause her blood is poisonous bevaise she has fucking c an c e r. So later we find out that draculas weaknesses ( the sun crucifix) arnt actually real hes just afraid of dying so he has like irration fears or some shit so for some fucking reason. They deside. Its a good iea to end the show with this:

Dracula fucking drinks all of zoes blood killing her and himself because her blood poisonus. And ghe fucking emd scene is them like,,, in the sun???? Or soemt hi ng??? And theyre naked and like presumably fucked and dracula says some shit like " its doesnt have to hurt" and i almost tore my wrist open wiith my teeth because of how shitty this ending is.

Not lnly is it disrespectful to zoe but agatha, agathas whole thing was K I L I N G. dracula she wanted him fucking D E A D she woULDNT FUCK HKM

And like just after finding out that he can be in the sunlight with out fucking dying and that crosses just make him umcomfortable or some shit he just desides to kill himself??? DUDE YOU JUST FOUND OUT YOURE PROACTICALLY MORE INVINCABLE THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND YOU JSUT FUCKING OFF YOUR SELF ??? HE COULD HAVE FUCKING RULED ENGLAD AND SPEAD VAMPIRISM OLL LVER THE FUCKING COUNTFY AND WORLD KF HE TRIED HARD ENOUGH AND HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY WANTED A STUPID SAPPY ENDING

anyway if anyone actually goes through the effort of reafing my god damn eS S A Y about Dracula that i finkshed typing (im not gonna bother editing tbh) at 4 fucking am. Then thank you and please get a life

[tarry-a-lot]

French Musical Recommendations?/review (Part 3)

This is a mix between recommendations and shows I don’t like and shows I just know exist but don't know a lot about. Even if I’m not too much a fan of some of the show I would still check these shows out for the fun of it, maybe its not my cup of tea but it is for someone else. Again my French is lacking so if the lyrics aren’t great I wouldn’t really know unless I sat down and read them which I didn’t do.

Robin des Bois (2013): 

what to say about this show... I’ll start with the summary: Robin Hood and Marianne break up pre-show and have their own groups going on. Marianne also has a son with robin but robin has no idea about him. Sheriff of Nottingham starts attacking so Marianne asks robin for help. Also the sheriff figures out about robin’s son and so he imprisons the kid and surprise! there a romance between Nottingham’s daughter and Robin Hood’s son. 

Yep, haven’t seen the show, really don’t mind the plot sounds interesting enough. I’ve only listened to the soundtrack once and all I got to say is that it’s not great. The cast is lovely and look really sweet and friendly with each other, but all the songs really just sound like basic pop. To be clear without understanding the lyrics and just listening to it with not visuals, I found the soundtrack quite boring, so maybe I’m just missing something. My favourite songs are “Le flèche et la cible,” (the piano makes it sound like an anime opening or something, liked the drums too, and the vocals are nice) and “On est là” (it’s a really weird one, I couldn’t put my finger on it but after playing it for someone I got the decisive answer of it is very 80′s, the instrumentals really threw me off but hey it’s catchy). Also some songs had a bass line that also threw me off, just wasn’t expecting it. like the one in “la Providence,” maybe it’s just me. And one last thing about the songs, what the hell is ”Notting hill Nottingham” like that title is also the chorus and I’m just?? maybe if I understood the rest of the lyrics it would make sense? aside from the debatable chorus line, the drums are a blast in this song. Clips and music videos available on YouTube along with a behind the scenes two part video on the official musical’s channel.

Non-Music: well the costumes are ok, don’t love them but don’t hate them either, though friar tuck’s is debatable, from the bits I’ve seen most of the background is done with a screen which is fine, it’s more of a concert style show anyway, I’m a big fan of the ladder trees though, the dancing and acrobatics is probably the highlight of the show (again only saw bits but it looks good)

Dracula l'amour plus fort que la mort (2012): This is different from the Frank Wildhorn Dracula musical, Dracula: A chamber Musical and the Swedish Dracula musical. Unsurprisingly this musical is based on Stoker Dracula telling which I never read so I don’t know how much it follows that text. It was also inspired by the 1992 Coppola film (which again I have never watched). I won’t be too helpful about plot summary but it follows the general novel plot with Jonathan Harker engaged with Mina Murray goes off to Dracula’s castle for work. Things happen, the issue with Lucy occurs then Mina is targeted by Dracula and Harker with the Dr. Seward and Helsing go to kill Dracula to save Mina. There also seems to be a subplot where Mina was Dracula’s lover in a past life, which is shown through dance sequences throughout the show.Music wise it’s mainly rock pop which is up my alley. Personally, just based on music and not lyrics I like “Encore”, “Elles”, “ Le Ciel et l'Enfer” “ La Dernière danse” and maybe “L'Amour et son Contraire”.  The full show is available on YouTube.

Non-music: This show goes hard on edgy imagery. I personally quite liked the general over the top modernish gothic vibe. The dancers are great and quite liked some of the limited palette scene. The opening shadow puppet scene was cool. The only part I really had issue with is maybe the CGI 3d video scene. It was cool at times but the CGI is not great which is not their fault, but kind of distracted me. Also if you watch it there is this scene where Harker is laying in a large Pieta statue (minus the Jesus) and it’s just great. Like edgy church imagery with vampires? sign me up. There’s also this Vampire dream sequence in a bed because of course every vampire musical needs one (Tanz der Vampire if you know what I mean). Harker is in bed and vampire women come out from the bed (the bed itself is a hollow prop where dancers are hiding within and pop out from the holes hidden by the puffy bedding), the bed itself could have been more decorative with posts (like tanz) but still a really cool scene, Almost forgot, Mina and Dracula are played by dancers so they don’t really sing, especially Dracula he does not speak at all. Costumes are fun to look at, some are the best but I appreciated the general look of the show so I’m not that bothered. I strangely grew to like the spiney Dracula costumes, I think the fact he didn’t talk and just danced helped me like the costume more.

Overall, fun show so if pop rock is your vibe this show you should check it out.

Cindy Cendrillion (2002): This show is not good, but I had a blast laughing about it as I watched it so I recommend it. Let me clarify, my dislike is not due to the cast, in general I thought singing and dancing and all that were really good, what gets me is how dated it is now (it is really early 2000’s vibes and some of the plot is debatable). Show is available split into two acts on YouTube.

So the plot is pretty much a retelling of the Cinderella story in a modern early 2000′s setting. Cindy (Cinderella) is the daughter of an recently disappeared Irish pilot. and she lives with her step mother and sisters who are mean to her. She has a passion for dancing the jig, I’m assuming they are referencing Irish step to a certain degree. She goes out in night to dance but her step-mother threatens to kick her out if she doesn’t come home before midnight. A super star named Ricky (Prince Charming) has a Birthday ball and sees Cindy and falls in love. Also Ricky had a model Fiancée Judy who he breaks it off with to pursue Cindy. Spoilers now... Ricky writes a song where one can dance “the jig” to so they hold a competition to find a dancer for it, guess who wins? Cindy.. they fall in love... but Judy realises it’s all over for her and Ricky ands faxes him so mean message then commits suicide by overdosing on drugs. Cindy gets scared and leaves Ricky to Ireland. Ricky tracks her down and they fly away in a spaceship?! honestly this plot is just sure something.

Okay.... um if you read the spoiler section of the summary you’ll know how wild this show is. For those who haven’t warning there is an suicide by overdosing on drugs in the show. Music wise it’s alright, I watched the show but all the songs are quite forgettable because I was so distracted by the plot. Again the vocals are nice so perhaps I just need to listen to audio only, though I’m unsure about some of the lyrics. 

Non-Music: I have so much to rant about this show. First off it’s just weird that her Irish pilot dad keeps appearing in like spiritual form. Also Cindy is not spectacular at dancing, which is hilarious during the jig dancing competition you have actual dancer ensemble members doing cool moves and in general good dancing but at the end Cindy comes stepping around and twirling a bit, the same choreography she does every time she danced the jug in the show and then wins the competition. Honestly, they should of just done full Irish step dancing and had the actress trained in it or to be more practical had a double for Cindy that was obscured to trick the audience into thinking this double was Cindy. The actress was lovely and maybe she can dance but “the jig” choreography was so pathetic compared to the ensemble’s part, even the ensemble part was weird.. maybe I just don’t understand what “jig” dancing is. Also the ending was so random to me, maybe it’s because of my lacking French, I get there were references to space throughout the show but WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ENDING. Well stage wise it was interesting at parts. I like the large center column piece that had platforms on it that moved around the pillar. Cindy’s love song to Ricky with her in front of a large Ricky Magazine and two screens showing zoom ups on Ricky was weird. Finally, costumes, really dated and tacky but I think they were quite fun. The only complaint I really have is Ricky, he wears this half tank top half leather jacket look, and it’s really a single tiddy out look.

Starmania (1979): Let me start by saying I DON’T hate this show I just know little about it. I’ve watched bits a few years ago and only really recall one song. It’s one of THE French musicals, I mean I wouldn’t know for certain but you’ll see it’s quite popular and covered by newer musicals cast member (like Mozart L’Opera Rock). The photo is from a more recent production which is different from the original costumes. As a show it’s set in a futuristic society so there is some surreal techno outfits and set pieces, which are actually quite cool. It’s pretty much about a gang called the Black Stars who are trying to rebel against a billionaire turned politician Zéro Janvier. There is romance plots, the wiki has more info on that. In general, the singing is great and from the parts I’ve seen it looks interesting despite the show aesthetic being really not my thing. Full versions of the show are available on YouTube, the production done in English is also posted on YouTube. I would say if you are trying to get into French Musicals this is a good one to listen to as well as it’s kind of a classic but I hesitate as the visuals look a bit weird due to the futuristic element (kind of remind me if starlight Express when it comes to costume) but if this isn’t you cup of tea there are plenty of other shows as well.

Résiste (2015): It’s a French Jukebox Musical. It’s one of those one artist jukebox musicals, so all the songs were originally sung by France Gall and written by Michel Berger. It’s about five friends (I think they’re friends), two of whom are sisters. The sisters work with their dad at the family bar/night club. The plot revolves around something tragic happening and the five friends trying to deal and grow from it? (probably something to do with the night club)I haven't seen it so I have no idea what the tragic event is. I didn’t know any of the songs before this musical but it’s quite catchy and fun. Clips of the show and songs are available on YouTube.

[citizenscreen]

Marjorie Main is one of my favorite character actors. It’s an impossibility to see her in a film and not find I am smiling broadly. With one of the most recognizable voices in movies, Main managed an abrupt, but lovable persona in many of her films. It is a joy to watch her and to honor her with this entry for the What a Character! Blogathon 2019.

Born Mary Tomlinson in Acton, Indiana the daughter of Reverend Samuel J. Tomlinson and the former Mary McGaughey, Marjorie Main changed her stage name to avoid embarrassing her minister father who disapproved of entertainment careers. She chose the name she did because “it is easy to remember.” Main was born with a thirst for entertaining even while growing up on a farm, quenching her thirst through stock companies from an early age. Her studies of the dramatic arts led her from Hamilton School of Dramatic Expression in Lexington, Kentucky onto Chicago and New York. In the meantime Ms. Main toured the vaudeville circuit meeting lecturer Dr. Stanley LeFevre Krebs whom she married in 1921. By that point, Marjorie Main was a Broadway veteran.

Marjorie’s physical look, her mannerisms, dry wit, and that voice! all made a package that was not easy to forget. Main had an impact on audiences immediately. Her stage work included a long stint opposite W. C. Fields in a skit titled “The Family Ford” that brought them all the way to New York’s Palace Theatre, the top vaudeville house in the country. Main’s Broadway shows ranged from “Cheating Cheaters” in 1916 in which she played opposite John Barrymore to playing Lucy the Reno Innkeeper in “The Women,” the role that led her to Hollywood and one she reprised in George Cukor’s 1939 big screen gem. Marjorie Main had taken a break from performing for a few years as her husband’s lecture demands grew, but she returned to the stage after his death in 1935 with a popular turn as Mrs. Martin in “Dead End,” again a role she reprised memorably on film, this time directed by William Wyler in 1937. That happens to be one of my favorite of her performances, by the way. It’s a small, but affecting turn as the mother of killer Humphrey Bogart.

Main and Bogart in the film version of DEAD END

Ms. Main made her screen debut in William Wyler’s A House Divided (1931) as a town gossip, an uncredited role in crowd scenes she’d repeat in several movies in the early 1930s. She was in her forties, unheard of in the youth-centric movie industry, but the roles Main would excel at called for a special brand of loud maturity. Anyway, it was when Samuel Goldwyn bought the rights to “Dead End” and insisted that Marjorie reprise her stage role that her film career seemed destined for attention. That’s exactly what happened. The movie and her performance were instant hits.

Dead End (1937) proved an important movie in Marjorie Main’s career and for Hollywood in general as it introduced the Dead End Kids who, in one way or another, were subjects of about ninety movies in over two decades either as the Dead End Kids, the Eastside Kids, or the Bowery Boys. Marjorie Main made several Dead End Kids movies playing the impoverished mother of these kids from the slums. She was perfect in the part garnering great reviews along the way. Ms. Main never had children of her own so it was somewhat ironic that in the majority of her roles she played mothers to which she said, “That’s acting!”

The same year Marjorie made Dead End, she played another Mrs. Martin, this time as Barbara Stanwyck’s mother in King Vidor’s three-hanky classic, Stella Dallas. This film too was praised as was Main’s performance with the Hollywood Reporter referring to her as “an artist and her contribution to the picture is out of all proportion to the length of her part.” That was probably true for the entirety of Main’s career including her appearance as a nosy boarding house owner in W. S. Van Dyke’s Another Thin Man (1939), the third of six Thin Man movies starring Myrna Loy and William Powell. You may have heard of them.

Seven films were released in 1940 featuring Marjorie Main. That should give you a clue as to how much her gruff manner and loud, distinctive voice were sought in Hollywood. This included the beginning of a new screen partnership with Wallace Beery. Main replaced the great Marie Dressler as Beery’s female partner and was successful at it even though it was not an easy task to work with him, “Oh my, I should get two checks, one for the acting and the other for working with Wally Beery.” No matter though because the difficulties did not translate to the screen. The public loved Marjorie. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) noticed the audience’s admiration for Marjorie and had signed her to a seven-year contract on October 8, 1940. It was at MGM that Marjorie Main started on a comedic path to cinema history and she was happy to be given the chance.

Main and Beery in Norman Z. McLeod’s JACKASS MAIL (1942), the third of seven films they made together between 1940 and 1949.

It was the movies Marjorie Main appeared in during the MGM years in the 1940s (give or take a year) that made her a warm part of many a childhood, including mine. These include such memorable lavish films as Ernst Lubitsch’s Heaven Can Wait made at 20th Century Fox and such MGM gems as Vincente Minnelli’s Meet Me in St. Louis, George Sidney’s The Harvey Girls (1946), and Cy Walters’ Summer Stock (1950). All are favorites and one recognizes the worth of Marjorie Main to the industry by noting the major Hollywood films she was appearing in at the time. Her brand of humor, her stout build and indelible voice were by this time cemented in audiences’ consciousness. An actor who had started her movie career playing upper class dramatic roles could now be counted on for comic relief as matronly maids or ornery, but funny hillbilly types. The latter portrayal was to be Main’s primary legacy at Universal International, rather than at her home studio, which loaned her out with regularity. It’s interesting to note that MGM had planned a series of films starring Marjorie featuring the character of Tish, which she portrayed in the enjoyable 1942 film of the same name co-starring ZaSu Pitts. That movie made a nice profit for MGM so it’s strange the studio decided not to capitalize on a series. By the way, Tish directed by S. Sylvan Simon is replete with legendary character actors.

Aline MacMahon and ZaSu Pitts restrain Marjorie Main in a scene from the film Tish

Marjorie Main made two movies released in 1947, much less than other character actors popular at the time, but the year proved an important one in her career nonetheless. Released in March of that year was Chester Erskine’s The Egg and I, which garnered Main the only Academy Award nomination of her career, Best Actress in a Supporting Role for a portrayal she would forever be associated with. Charles T. Barton’s The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap was released in October of 1947. Although Wistful Widow is not as memorable an outing as The Egg and I, it pitted Main against the legendary comedy duo of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, which all but guaranteed the second hit of the year for the veteran character actor with a devoted following.

The plot of The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap was based on an old Montana law, which stated that a man who killed another man was responsible for the care and support of his victim’s family. Well, our story begins when traveling salesmen Chester Wooley (Costello) and Duke Egan (Abbott) stop in the town of Wagon Gap, Montana on their way to California. It takes no time for Chester to be accused of killing Fred Hawkins, a notorious criminal married to the equally infamous Mrs. Hawkins (Main). A trial and a conviction quickly follow and Chester is stuck with the Widow Hawkins and her brood of seven. The widow is immediately hell bent on making Chester Wooley her new husband and works him to the bone until he agrees to marry her. Meanwhile, as is the case in all Abbott and Costello movies, Bud Abbott’s character coasts along taking naps and eating well.

The Widow Hawkins-Chester Wooley situation turns out to be a blessing in disguise for Chester who eventually becomes Sheriff of Wagon Gap simply because every other man in town is afraid to be stuck taking care of the Widow. Let me tell you, the Widow is a doozy in Marjorie Main style. She is flirty, desperate for a husband, a raucous mother and an unapologetic farm lord. Widow Hawkins is such a character, in fact, that she alone keeps the peace at Wagon Gap, which was a notoriously lawless place prior to her falling into widowhood. Although there are many movie instances wherein Marjorie Main plays characters similar to Widow Hawkins, the resemblance is particularly noticeable in William Wyler’s Friendly Persuasion (1956) wherein she plays the riotous Widow Hudspeth with similar bravado, but with better results. The latter is a better film and resulted in a Golden Globe nomination for Ms. Main as Best Supporting Actress.

With Abbott and Costello as the Widow Hawkins

With Gary Cooper as the Widow Hudspeth

In the end of The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap, Chester and Duke find a way to leave Wagon Gap and continue their journey to California. Mrs. Hawkins gets a new marriage proposal after she is offered lots of money for her farm. It is utterly entertaining to see Abbott and Costello and Marjorie Main together and Universal International was thrilled. Universal had set the mold with legendary monsters in the early 1930s and they had saved the studio’s hide. Later, it was Show Boat (1936) directed by James Whale that had all but kept the studio’s doors open. Now Universal depended almost entirely on comedy, specifically the talents of Abbott and Costello throughout the 1940s and Marjorie Main by way of her most famous hillbilly, Phoebe “Ma” Kettle, a character introduced in Chester Erskine’s 1947 romantic comedy, The Egg and I based on the book of the same name by Betty MacDonald.

Erskine’s The Egg and I tells the story of a young married couple, Bob and Betty MacDonald, who give up city life in order to become chicken farmers. The main characters are played charmingly by Fred MacMurray and Claudette Colbert. The movie is a pleasant one that shows the couple’s escapades, particularly Betty’s, as she tries to put up with the tribulations of an old farm house because it’s her husband’s dream. The disrepair abounds and the chicks, who need constant care, lend themselves to amusing anecdotes. The result was that 1947 audiences liked the film enough to propel it to one of the year’s big moneymakers. In fact, The Egg and I was Universal International’s biggest moneymaker of the decade. That was due in large part to the raw rural charms of Bob and Betty’s neighbors, Ma and Pa Kettle. While The Egg and I received mixed critical reviews, Marjorie Main and Percy Kilbride as the Kettles were a hit across the board. Of them the New York Times film critic wrote, “… tops as character players, accounting, by their feeling and understanding of their roles, for high points in the film every time they’re on the screen.” That type of sentiment coupled with the box office success of The Egg and I prompted Universal International to produce nine more films starring Marjorie Main as Ma Kettle in all nine and Percy Kilbride as Pa Kettle in seven of the outings. Kilbride retired after the seventh film in the series and was replaced by Parker Fennelly in the last. The eighth film, Charles Lamont’s The Kettles in the Ozarks, does not feature Pa Kettle.

Let honesty reign. I spent considerable effort watching all nine Ma and Pa Kettle movies in succession and could feel brain cells dropping out onto my shoulders. Before irreparable damage was done I gave up. The jokes grow old and the situations more absurd as the series advances. A highlight for me in the first three films is Richard Long who plays the Kettle’s eldest, Tom. Still, one cannot deny the appeal of the two main characters who propelled the series into one of the most popular in Hollywood history. Audiences simply could not get enough of the hillbilly couple with fifteen children – they picked up two from The Egg and I. Ma is a harsh, domineering, loud woman of considerable opinion and Pa, a slight, slow-moving, slow-thinking man with lazy as a middle name. For all their faults, however, you can’t help but love the Kettles.

Percy Kilbride and Marjorie Main as Ma and Pa Kettle

Ma and Pa Kettle had many adventures in film. They went to town, came back to the farm, went to the fair, went on vacation, were just at home, went to Waikiki, were featured in the Ozarks, and finally went to Old MacDonald’s farm. All between 1949 and 1957. Considering they had no formal education (example of Kettle math) and could live comfortably on almost nothing, they were quite adept at living adventurous lives. The entire thing began in Ma and Pa Kettle also known as The Further Adventures of Ma and Pa Kettle, the 1949 sequel to The Egg and I directed by Charles Lamont. Here, Pa writes a slogan for the King Henry Tobacco Company and wins a house of the future. And just in time too because their farmhouse has been condemned as a garbage dump. Many hilarious moments later thanks to the modern gadgets none of the Kettles have ever seen, the lives of the Kettle clan are irrevocably changed and, for several reasons, so are ours. We have never met the likes of them before.

Critics were not thrilled with the low budget Ma and Pa Kettle movies, but who could argue with box office returns, which were over $3 million for the first movie in the series and every one after that hit Variety’s Top Grossers of the Year charts. Overall the Ma and Pa series made over $35 million and is credited with saving Universal International. Who did not reap the financial benefits of the Ma and Pa Kettle films? The actors. Marjorie Main considered breaking her contract at various points knowing full well both Universal and MGM were profiting nicely from her portrayals without extending additional perks to the actors.

The Kettle clan in the 1949 movie. One of my life-long crushes, Richard Long, is on the left.

As you’ve seen, Marjorie Main made most of her most famous movies on loan out to Universal. Well, her most famous if you are a casual film fan, but not necessarily her best. For my money her best films were at Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer which could afford more expensive productions, which translated into richer films. Marjorie’s contract with MGM ended in 1954 and she finished at that studio playing against type, as Lady Jane Dunstock in Mervyn LeRoy’s Rose Marie (1954). I should mention that the film released before Rose Marie was Vincente Minnelli’s The Long, Long Trailer (1954), which I love. In this one Marjorie stays true to popular expectation as a meddling neighbor of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz at a trailer park.

It is fitting that Marjorie Main’s last film appearance came in a Ma and Pa movie, Virgil W. Vogel’s The Kettle’s on Old MacDonald’s Farm in 1957. Ma Kettle gave Marjorie security and comfort while she was able to pursue varied roles elsewhere for many years. Later in life she praised the character for the joy she brought people. Ms. Main’s final acting jobs were in 1958 with appearances on two episodes of Wagon Train. Following that she retired to make an occasional appearance at a premiere or to answer interview questions. Marjorie Main appeared in 85 films over a 26-year movie career.

When one goes back through Marjorie Main’s career you realize she was adept at much more than that character you love to laugh with. However, she invokes an immediate smile like she did my mother who saw her in a movie on TCM recently, “Hey, it’s that old lady!” she said with a smile as big as the sun. That’s not a bad deal at all for a woman who intended to do just that, “I love making people laugh more than anything,” Marjorie Main said. She has been doing that now for about eight decades. I get that Ms. Main could not have known how much she meant to people, but she got an inkling in 1974 at the world premiere of That’s Entertainment celebrating MGM’s 50th anniversary. As the “more stars in the heavens” were being introduced, one of the largest ovations went to Marjorie Main. That was a year before her death of cancer at the age of 85 in April 1975.

What a character, she was. Loud and domineering, but always lovable.

◊

This is my entry to this year’s What a Character! Blogathon, an event I am hosting with Kellee of Outspoken & Freckled and Paula of Paula’s Cinema Club. Be sure to read the entries honoring character actors or all eras. The Day 1 entries are here, the Day 2 entries here, and Day 3 here.

Marjorie Main, a Domineering Lovable Character Marjorie Main is one of my favorite character actors. It's an impossibility to see her in a film and not find I am smiling broadly.

[benhaardy]

king of my heart || b.h.

(i apologize i do not know where this gif is from i found it on weheartit but im not sure thats who made it but here is the post. if you are the owner please let me know so i can credit or take it off at your request. thanks!)

Summary: Ben takes you to the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere and you reminisce of his accomplishments and your years-long friendship.

Request: Can you do a fluffy first kiss imagine with Ben? Thanks!

A/N: so uhhh the request was literally the simplest thing EVER but my extra ass had to put some Extra Sass™ upon this lol. idk why i wanted to go big for such a simple prompt but its ben and its his birthday today so HE DESERVES IT!

gotta add in that S H E E R D R E S S S H I R T because i’m still not over it, thank u, next.

the outfit i had in mind: dress (the one in the middle) shoes necklace earrings, though obviously you can imagine your own outfit.

song that the title/some of the fic is based off: king of my heart by taylor swift

obviously, i am a huge fan of the longtime best friends to lovers cliche and idk if anyone else thinks this but i write my characters as super affectionate in the first place so i hope it isn’t weird to anyone to have like the really touchy-feely best friends or friendships in my stories ig? idk, just a thought cause i literally just noticed how affectionate my characters are ANYWAYS here's wonderwall

thank you for sending a request in! hope you enjoy it!

also happy birthday to our king i hope he has a beautiful day

Wordcount: 1.7k

Warnings: a few frick words (2). fem!reader. mention of nudity. fluffy!! not proofread, but beta’d

“Ready, Y/N?” Ben called from downstairs

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

You put the final touches of your outfit on. Perfume on your wrists, Tiffany necklace on, you went down the stairs carrying your nude Louboutins and adjusting your earrings. It wasn’t really your style to do any of this, really, but your best friend Ben had wanted to take you to the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere. Go big or go home, you figured. At his asking, you didn’t see or know what he was going to wear so you played it safe with a black dress.

You went down the stairs and got to the bottom floor. Ben was standing in the middle of the living room, back turned to you. He was looking down at the cat weaving in between his legs. As far as you could see, he was wearing an all black suit. “Ben?” you said. He whipped around to see you as you were putting on your shoes.

“Oh, wow, Y/N,” he beamed. Ben put his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide with surprise. “You look so good!” You opened your arms to embrace him, to which he stepped into, his arms around your waist.

After a few seconds, you both pulled away but his arms still stayed in their place and your hands lingered on his biceps. “I could say the same about you, Benny! Everything looks great!”  He let you go fully. You looked up and down at his outfit. Sheer black dress shirt, black blazer and trousers, everything was tailored perfectly to his body. You grinned. He cleaned up very well, but it wasn’t like he didn’t dress nice in the first place.

“Ready to go?” he asked. “Car’s waiting outside.”

“Ready.”

--

You watched from the side of the carpet as the main cast were getting photographed together. That was your best friend! Standing next to Roger fucking Taylor and Brian fucking May. Everything still felt surreal, though he had been in the public spotlight for the past few years, this felt different. Your senses just felt heightened. The flashing lights, the hues of purple and pink and gold all around, surrounded by people you either knew well or were complete strangers to you. Your eyesight was crisp, noticing everything you could, taking it all in. You did musical theatre, you hadn’t really dealt with something as big as this, even with Apocalypse.

And here your best friend was, in the middle of all of this. Your mind played back all the memories of you two in drama school with his all-nighters, monologue after monologue, script after script. You couldn’t be more proud of your closest friend, all of his hard work going to this. You could remember Ben’s shifty eyes backstage the very first show of Judas Kiss and the blush on his cheeks after the show when he remembered that you had watched him perform and there was that one scene of full frontal; he figured it was worth the embarrassment, it’s not as if you hadn’t seen worse.

Back to Eastenders and its countless shirtless and kissing scenes. You thought back to the countless nights that you spent up with him when he was weighing leaving the show or becoming Archangel. At your own urging, Ben left Eastenders, ready for the next chapter, ready for the next big thing. One of the best memories of your life was traveling to the United States with him for Comic-Con and driving up and down the west coast a week before he had to attend it. He took you to Disneyland and Universal Studios after everything with the convention was said and done.

Now, Bohemian Rhapsody! You laughed at the memories of Ben scrambling to find a good drum teacher close by and how he turned up in the middle of the night to your flat to tell you he got the part. You couldn’t ever forget his embrace in the dark of your living room, his face buried in your shoulder and his arms, tight and strong around your waist. Your happy tears wiped away by Ben’s hand as you drew apart. Though you both were excited, it was still the middle of the night, so you both just slept in your bed once more with the cats.

Ben would always invite you over to watch him play and give your input. You had to admit, he had gotten pretty good over all the lessons. Though you discouraged his lying about playing the drums and seeing the consequences in his clamber to learn as much as possible, it paid off in the best way possible. They started the process of making the movie. Though you couldn’t really be by his side throughout filming, you were basically there, his perpetual FaceTimes keeping you in the loop with everyone. You even “met” the guys and Lucy, who you hit off with very well. Ben made sure you were always by his side and he was always by yours.

So when you saw him here, at his biggest premiere surrounded by even more amazing actors and actresses, you couldn’t help but shed a tear. This role of Roger had basically brought him into the light.

You watched them take pictures until Ben beckoned you over, the group disbanding and walking over to their families and significant others to pose for their own photos. You came over and he put his arm around your waist, hugging you close. Your hand was on his back and you both posed for pictures, the flash basically blinding you, the sounds of the shutters all around. “Smile,” Ben whispered into your ear.

--

Everyone was at the rooftop restaurant that you were all going to eat at after the premiere. You were sitting in between Roger and Ben, having been introduced to all of the people around the table. Never in a million years, you thought, never in a million years did you think you’d be here, conversing with the real Roger Taylor or getting along with his daughters, or telling Lucy Boynton and Anita Dobson where you got your necklace and earrings.

“If you’ll excuse us, Y/N and I are going to go out to the balcony,”

You scooped another spoon of food in your mouth before saying, “Oh, okay we are? Okay.” You gave a polite smile to Roger, who you were talking to before Ben got your attention. Standing up, you followed Ben out of the tall, ornate door, out to the terrace where you could see all of London. The view was breathtaking.

“What is this all about?” you inquired as you came over to Ben standing with his hand on the glass, observing the scenery in front of him, the various coloured lights illuminating London.

“How do you feel about all this, Y/N? The whole shazam,” he questioned, wanting to know your true feelings about everything.

You shook your head, “What can I say?” You looked out along with him. “If you had told me in the first year of uni when we met that we would be here right now. Eating dinner with two freaking members of Queen and their families and being around some of the best actors and musicians in the world!” You said, your voice breathy. It was crazy what your best friend had been able to accomplish. “I would’ve slapped you and called you mental. This is all so... wow.”

“I couldn’t have made it here without you, Y/N. I’d be a complete and utter trainwreck. I wouldn’t even, like, survive without you, you know?”

“Ben,” you shook your head vigourously, “Don’t…don’t. This is your thing. This is your work. This is your doing. I was just there along for the ride and you were there with me,” you reasoned. “It’s just...just that simple.”

He shook his head but smiled. “None of this is that simple.” Ben turned to face you, still looking down. You moved to look at him yourself. “You mean everything to me, really. It’s not just the support. It’s the little things. It’s how you never fail to put your jumper sleeves over your hands and bury ‘em in your face. It’s how you look at me when you’re adjusting my suit and doing that little,” he paused and did little sweeping movements in the air, “that little sweepy thing on my lapels and you look back up at me and smile. The way you smile, the way you look at me, love, it just- it drives me crazy in the best way. You’re always there for me, yes, but that is not the only reason that I love you.” Ben took hold of your hand and held it close to his heart, his hand encapsulating yours entirely. “I want you, Y/N.”

You leaned forward and an abundance of holy shit holy shit did I just do that did I really just do that did he reeeallly just say those amazing things about me?’s rang through your head, echoing and echoing. You kissed him. His plump lips were upon yours finally. At first, Ben was stiff, taken by surprise at your sudden action but he softened quickly with the feeling of you on him. Your hand stayed on his chest while his moved down to your hips. As the kiss deepened, you laced your hands around his neck.

He pulled away. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted that, love,” he said, breathless, his lips swollen and pink.

“Me too, Ben.” You smiled and cupped his cheek in your hand, to which he kissed your palm and held your wrist lightly. He looked down at his shoes, blushing.

“We should—“ he started, his thumb pointing back to the inside. “We shoul—“

You exhaled. “Y-Yeah, yeah we should, we should.” Ben grabbed your hand and led you inside. He pulled your chair out for you and you sat in it. You brushed imaginary dirt off your dress, trying to act casual.

“Looks like you two had fun out there!” exclaimed Roger, a bellowing laugh coming from him.

[agentnico]

Alita: Battle Angel (2019) Review

Still waiting on that Machete Kills Again...in Space mister Rodriguez. I guess this’ll do for now though.

Plot: An action-packed story of one young woman's journey to discover the truth of who she is and her fight to change the world.

Japanese manga material is still yet to successfully transfer to big budget Hollywood productions. Last major attempt was Ghost in the Shell which wasn’t particularly good. Sorry Scarlett Jo, just cause you are in a film doesn’t make it automatically great, as surprising as that may be. Well, not that surprising actually, anyone seen Lucy? Exactly, point made. Anyway, now box office darling James Cameron and the crazy mariachi that is Robert Rodriguez have teamed up to bring us an adaptation of Battle Angel: Alita. Any good? Well...

The film suffers from its script mainly. Cheers James Cameron, not only are you obsessed with making an unnecessary amount of unwanted Avatar sequels that may not even see the light of day seeing as how long they’ve been stuck in production, but you’ve also gone and forgot how to write a screenplay. What happened, you used to be something. Now, well, now you have a thing for blue people. Typical. So the Alita script is all over the place. There are too many things crammed in and together it all doesn’t really mix and ends up being a bit of a bloated mess. Constantly random parts of the film would drift away from the main plot for either unnecessary exposition segments or useless “character moments”. For example there is a whole scene dedicated to Alita trying chocolate for the first time. I’m guessing this was done for us to connect with the character or something. Look, I’m sure Rosa Salazar had one hell of a time stuffing her sweet little face with some free chocolate goodness at the expense of the studio, but I myself did not care for it. Also, the abundance of cliches and the tacked on romantic side-plot which I gave zero F’s about (okay, that’s a lie, one F was given when that useless romance was over and done with) were something that I’d expect from an amateur but not Cameron. Heck, so many of the movie’s characters also happen to be one dimensional. Billy Zane’s stoic dick face in Titanic had more depth than 90% of this film’s cast. Okay, reading back I didn’t mean to properly trash this film, I guess I’m just a bit of an angry person. Point is that the screenplay is very much the reason this movie falls apart.

That being said Alita is still an enjoyable enough watch, mainly thanks to Robert Rodriguez’s directing as well as the fantastic visuals. A fully realised futuristic sci-fi world blossoming with so many intricate details, from the sets to the costumes to the cyborg tech and the superb action sequences, this movie is a visual feast. A major part of the plot is revolved around this futuristic racing/football sport known as Motorball, and all those sequences are indeed epic. Also, say what you will at first about how creepy Alita’s oversized eyes are, the CGI of her face is quite incredible. Weta have outdone themselves here again, that cannot be argued,

The movie boasts quite a cast, but as mentioned earlier, due to the weak script not many characters stick out, no matter how hard the actors playing them try. Mahershala Ali is wasted as the movie’s villain, whilst Jennifer Connelly, although it’s nice to see her in something again, has a very predictable arc.The likes of Eiza Gonzalez and Michelle Rodriguez pop up, however there roles are so minor that they could’ve been played by anyone. Rosa Salazar of Maze Runner fame as Alita herself in all fairness was decent, being someone we as the audience could really connect with. That being said, her character is one that never loses in this movie. Every battle she fights in she wins. Kind of took away from any stakes. But Salazar was solid (the actress that is, not the Resident Evil 4 villain!). On the other hand her love interest played by Keean Johnson was just another young Hollywood pretty boy with the emotional range of a cat turnip. Christoph Waltz was a very welcome inclusion as the scientist who finds and puts Alita together and becomes her guardian. He was very endearing and it was nice seeing him step away from his typecast baddie roles this time around.

Manga is still yet to successfully translate to Hollywood cinema, Alita: Battle Angel hasn’t changed that. But for a one-time watch Alita has enough visual excitement to bring you enjoyment, though the over 2 hour run-time does end up dragging. Also the shameless sequel set-up with the reveal of the major baddie in the last shot of the movie who was pulling all the strings played obviously by a famous Hollywood A-lister is one cheap gimmick that frustrated me to no end. 

Overall score: 5/10

[papermoonloveslucy]

LOOK! TV: TURN ON OR TURN OFF?

September 7, 1971

The September 7, 1971 issue of LOOK Magazine (volume 35, number 18) dedicated their entire issue to the medium of television. Inside, there is a feature titled “Lucille Ball, the Star That Never Sets...” by Laura Bergquist on page 54. 

The photograph on the cover is slightly distorted to give it the look of an image through a TV screen.  The shot was taken by Douglas Bergquist in January 1971. 

The issue presents a variety of viewpoints about the state of television. Is it ‘tired’ or is there an infusion of new energy to take it into the new decade? John Kronenberger writes an article that asks if cable television is the future. Hindsight tells us that it was not only the future, but is now the past. 

“Lucille Ball, the Star That Never Sets...” by Laura Bergquist. 

Bergquist first interviewed Lucille Ball in 1956 for the Christmas issue of Look. 

The photograph is by Douglas Kirkland, a Canadian-born photographer, who not coincidentally, also took the photograph used on the cover. This shot was taken in the garden of Ball’s home in June 1971.  At age 24, Kirkland was hired as a staff photographer for Look magazine and became famous for his 1961 photos of Marilyn Monroe taken for Look's 25th anniversary issue. He later joined the staff of Life magazine.

Bergquist launches the article talking about her friend Sally, who is besot with watching Lucille Ball reruns, preferring Lucy over the news. Under the headline, she sums up the purpose of her interview: “Sorry, Sally. But Lucy is a serious, unfunny lady. So how come she’s a top clown of the fickle tube for twenty years, seen at home 11 times weekly and in 77 countries?”  

LUCILLE BALL: THE STAR THAT NEVER SETS...

(Lucille Ball’s quotes are in BOLD. Footnote numbers are in parentheses.)

My neighbor Sally, nine, turns out to be a real Lucy freak. Though she likes vintage-house-wife I Love Lucy best, she'll watch Lucille Ball 11 times a week, if permitted. That's how often Madame Comedy Champ of the Tube, come 20 years this October, can be caught on my local box. Ten reruns, plus the current Here's Lucy on Monday night, CBS prime time. Friends, that's 330 weekly minutes of Lucy, which should be rank overexposure. Did you know that even the U.S. man-on-the-moon walkers slipped in ratings, second time around?

Quel mystery. Variety last fall announced that old-fashioned sitcoms and broad slapstick comedy are passé, given today's hip audiences. With one big exception - Lucy. When the third Lucy format went on in '68, reincarnating Miss Ball as a widowed secretary (with her real-life son, Desi Jr., now 18, and Lucie Jr., 20), Women's Wear Daily said not only were the kids no talent, but the show was "treacle." "One giant marshmallow," quoth the Hollywood Reporter, "impeccably professional, violence-free, non-controversial . . . 100% escapism." 

Miss Ball: "Listen, that's a good review. I usually get OK personal notices, but the show gets knocked regular."

So why does Sally, like all the kids on my block, love slapstick, non-relevant Lucy? "Because she's always scheming and getting into trouble like I do, and then wriggling her way out of it." A 44-year-old Long Island housewife: "Of course I watch. I should watch the news?" When the British Royal Family finally unbent for a TV documentary, what was the tribe watching come box-time? Lucy, over protests from Prince Philip. (1)

"I've been a baby-sitter for three generations," says Miss Ball briskly. "Kids watch me during the day [she outpulls most kiddy shows]. Women and older men at night. Teen-agers, no. They look at Mod Squad. Intellectuals, they read books or listen to records.... You know I even get fan mail from China?" MAINLAND CHINA? "Hong Kong, isn't that China?" No. "Where is it anyway?"

The Statistics on the Lucy Industry are numbing. In recent years, she has run in 77 countries abroad, including the rich sheikhdom of Kuwait, and Japan, where, dubbed in Japanese yet, she's been a long-distance runner for 12 years. Where are all those funny people of yesteryear - Jackie Gleason, the Smothers Brothers, Sid Caesar, the Beverly Hillbillies - old reliables like Ed Sullivan, Red Skelton? Gone, all gone, form the live tube - except for reruns dumped by sponsors, out of fashion, murdered in the ratings.

Even this interview is a rerun. Fifteen years ago, I sat in Miss Ball's old-timey movie-star mansion in Beverly Hills, wondering how much longer, oh Lord, could Lucy last? She has a different husband, a genial stand-up comic of the fast-gag Milton Berle school, Bronx-born Gary Morton, 49. He replaced Desi Arnaz, her volatile Cuban spouse (and costar and partner) of 20 years, who lives quietly in Mexico's Baja California, alongside a pool shaped like a guitar, with a second redhead wife. "Ever been here before?" asks Gary, now her executive producer, who's brightened the house decor. "Used to be funeral-parlor gray, right?"

Otherwise, the lady, like her show, seems preserved in amber. Though newly 60, she could be Sally's great-grandmother. Of a Saturday, she's unwinding from a murderous four-day workweek. Her pink-orange-fireball hair is up in rollers. Her black-and-blue Rolls-Royce, inherited from her friend, the late Hedda Hopper, is parked in the driveway. But in attitude and opinion, she comes across Madame Middle America, despite the shrewd show-biz exterior. Good egg. Believer in hard work, discipline, Norman Vincent Peale. Deadeye Dickstraight, she talks astonishingly unfunny - about Vietnam, Women's Lib, about which she feels dimly, marriage to Latins, books she toted up to her new condominium hideaway in Snowmass, Colo. "Snow" is her new-old passion, a throwback to her small-town Eastern childhood. For the first time in family memory, this lifelong workhorse actually relaxed in that 9,700-foot altitude for four months this year, learning to ski, reading Pepys, Thoreau, Shirley MacLaine's autobiography, "37 goddamned scripts, and all those Irvings" (Stone, Wallace, etc.). She had scouted for a mountain retreat far away from any gambling. Why? Is she against gambling? "No, I'm a sucker. I can't stay away from the tables."

From yellowing notes, I reel off an analysis by an early scriptwriter. Perhaps she comes by her comic genius because of some "early maladjustment in life, so you see commonplace things as unusual? To get even, to cover the hurt, you play back the unhappy as funny?"

Forget any deep-dish theorizing. "Listen, honey," says Miss B, drilling me with those big blue peepers, "you've been talking to me for four, five hours. Have you heard me say anything funny? I tell you I don't think funny. That's the difference between a wit and a comedian. My daughter Lucie thinks funny. So does Steve Allen, Buddy Hackett, Betty Grable."

BETTY GRABLE THINKS FUNNY? "Yeah. Dean Martin has a curly mind. oh, I can tell a funny story about something that happened to me. But I'm more of a hardworking hack with an instinct for timing, who knows the mechanics of comedy. I picked it up by osmosis, on radio and movie lots [she made 75 flicks] working with Bob Hope, Bert Lahr, the Marx Brothers, the Three Stooges - didn't learn a thing from them except when to duck. Buster Keaton taught me about props. OK, I'm waiting."

Well, I hedge, I caught Miss Ball in a few funny capers on the Universal lot this week. Like one day, in her star bungalow, she throws a quick-energy lunch in the blender - four almonds, wild honey, water, six-year-old Korean ginseng roots, plus her own medicine, liver extract. "AAAGH," she gags, then peers in the mirror at her hair, which is a normal working fright wig, "Gawd," she moans, "it looks as if I'd poked my finger into an electric-light socket!" No boffo line, but her pantomimed horror makes me laugh out loud. Working, she is fearless - dangling from high wires, coping with wild beasts. She talks of animals she's worked with, chimps, bears, lions, tigers. "I love 'em all, especially the chimps, but you can't trust their fright or panic. Like that baby elephant who gave a press job to a guest actress." (2) What's a press job? "Honey, once an elephant puts his head down, he keeps marching, right through walls." Miss Ball puts her own head down, crooks an arm for a trunk, and voila, is an elephant. Funny as hell. So off-camera she's no great wit, but then is Chaplin?

Four days a week, through the Thursday night filming before a live audience, she labors like some hungry Depression starlet. Monday a.m., she sits at the head of a conference table, lined by 12 staffers, editing the script. Madame Executive Tycoon in charge of everything, overseeing things Desi used to do. Also the haus-frau, constantly opening windows for fresh air and emptying ashtrays. She wears black horn-rims, three packs of ciggies are at the ready. "Do I have to ask for a raise again?" she impatiently drills the writers, "I've done that 400 times." "QUIET!" she yells during rehearsal, perching in a high director's chair, a la Cecil B. DeMille. "Isn't somebody around here supposed to yell quiet?" She frets about the new set. "Those aisles - they're a mile and a half wide. What for?" The audience is too far away, she won't get the feedback from their laughs are her life's blood. (Once I hear Gary Morton on the phone, in his British-antiqued executive office, saying: "We need your laugh, honey. Go down to the set and laugh; that's an order.")

That physical quality about her comedy, a la the old silent movies or vaudeville - which were the big amusements of her youth - seems to transcend any language. (A Moscow acting school, I was told, shows old Lucy clips as lessons in comic timing.) So what did she learn from that great Buster Keaton?

"At Metro, I kept being held back by show-girl-glamour typing. I always wanted to do comedy. Buster Keaton, a friend of director Eddy Sedgwick, spotted something in me when I was doing a movie called DuBarry - what the hell was the name? - and kept nagging the moguls about what I could do. Now a great forte of mine is props. He taught me all about 'em. Attention to detail, that's all it is. He was around when I went out on a vaudeville tour with Desi with a loaded prop." What's that? "Real Rube Goldberg stuff. A cello loaded with the whole act - a seat to perch on, a violin bow, a plunger, a whistle, a horn. Honey, if you noodge it, you've lost the act. Keaton taught me your prop is your jewel case. Never entrust it to a stagehand. Never let it out of your sight when you travel, rehearse with it all week." Ever noodge it? "Gawd, yes. Happened at the old Roxy in New York. I was supposed to run down that seven-mile aisle when some maniac sprang my prop by leaping out and yelling 'I'm that woman's mother! She's letting me starve.'" What did you do? "Ad-libbed it, and I am one lousy ad-libber."

After 20 years, isn't she weary of playing the Lucy character? "No, I'm a rooter, I look for ruts. My cousin Cleo [now producer of Here's Lucy] is always prodding me to move. She once said Lucy was my security blanket. Maybe. I'm not erudite in any way, like Cleo. But why should I change? Last year was big TV relevant year, and I made sure my show wasn't relevant. Lucy deals in fundamental, everyday things exaggerated, with a happy ending. She has a basic childishness that hopefully most of us never lose. That's why she cries a lot like a kid - the WAAH act - instead of getting drunk."

Aha! Is Lucy the guileful child-woman, conniving forever against male authority - whether husband or nagging boss - particularly FEMALE? ("None of us watch the show," sniffed a Women's Libber I know, "but she must be an Aunt Tom." Still, I ponder, hasn't that always been the essence of comedy, the little poor-soul man - or woman - up against the biggies?)

"I certainly hope so. You trying to con me into talking about Women's Lib? I don't know the meaning of it. I never had anything to squawk about. I don't know what they're asking for that I don't have already. Equal pay for equal work, that's OK. The suffragettes rightly pressed a hard case - and when roles like Carry Nation come along, they ask me to play them, perhaps because I have the physical vitality. But they're kind of a laughingstock, aren't they? Like that girl who gave her parents 40 whacks with an ax? Didn't Carry Nation ax things, was she a Prohibitionist or what?" (3)

She'd just said nix to playing Sabina, in the movie of Thornton Wilder's The Skin of Our Teeth. Why? "I didn't understand it." She turned down The Manchurian Candidate for the same reason. "Got that Oh Dad, Poor Dad script the same week and thought I'd gone loony." If she makes another movie, she'll play Lillian Russell in Diamond Jim with Jackie Gleason, "a nice, nostalgic courtship story that won't tax anyone's nerves." (4) 

Is Miss Ball warmed by the comeback of old stars in non-taxing Broadway nostalgia shows like No, No, Nanette? (5)

"Listen, I studied that audience. I saw people in their 60's and 70's enjoying themselves. That had to be nostalgia. The 30's and 40's smiled indulgently, that Ruby Keeler is up there on the stage alive, not dead. For the below 30's, it's pure camp. I don't put it down, but it’s not warm, working nostalgia, but the feeling 'Ye gods, anything but today'

"Maybe I'm more concerned about things that I realize. I told you politics is definitely not on my agenda - I got burned bad, back in the '40's signing a damned petition as a favor. (6) Just say the word 'politician,' and I think of chicanery. Too many subversive angles today. But I must be one of millions who are so fed up, depressed, sobbing inside, about the news...the atrocities, the dead, the running down of America. You can't obliterate the news, but the baddest dream is that you feels so helpless.

"I was sitting in this very chair one night, flipping the dial, and came to Combat! There were soldiers crouching in bushes, a helicopter hovering overhead. Nothing happening, so I make like a director, yelling, 'Move it! This take is too LONG!' It turned out to be a news show from Vietnam. That shook me. There I was criticizing the director, and real blood was dripping off my screen... That drug scene bugs me. It's ridiculous, self-indulgent. We're supposed to be grateful if the kids aren't on drugs. They're destroying us from within, getting at our youth in the colleges. OK, kids have to protest, but how can they accomplish anything if they're physically shot?

"One of the reasons I'm still working is that people seem grateful that Lucy is there, the same character and unchanging view. There's so much chaos in this world, that's important. Many people, not only shut-ins, depend on the tube, too much so - they look for favorites they can count on. Older people loved Lawrence Welk. They associated his music with their youth. Now he's gone. It's not fair. (7) They shouldn't have taken off those bucolic comedies; that left a big dent in some folks' lives. Maybe we're not getting messages anymore from the clergy, the politicians, so TV does the preaching. But as an entertainer, I don't believe in messages.

"Some Mr. Jones is always asking why am I still working - as if it were some crime or neurotic. OK, I'll say it's for my kids. But I like a routine life, I like to work. I come from an old New England family in which everyone worked. My grandparents were homesteaders in New York and Ohio. My mother worked all her life - during the Depression in a factory."

What does she think of the new "relevant" comedy like All in the Family? "I don't know... It's good to bring prejudice out in the open. People do think that way, but why glorify it? Those not necessarily young may not catch the moral. That show doesn't go full circle for me."

Full circle?

"You have to suffer a little when you do wrong. That prejudiced character doesn't pay a penance. Does he ever reverse a feeling? I'm for believability, but I'm tired of hearing 'pig,' 'wop,' 'Polack' said unkindly. Me, I have to have an on-the-nose moral. Years ago, the Romans let humans be eaten by lions, while they laughed and drank - that was entertainment. But I’m tired of the ugly. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dancing, that's my idea of entertainment. Anything Richard Burton does is heaven. Easy Rider scared me at first because I knew how it could influence kids. But at least that movie came full circle. They led a life of nothing and they got nothing. Doris Day, I believe in her. Elaine May? A kook, but a great talent. Barbra Streisand? A brilliant technician."

On her old ten-minute daily interview radio show, (8) she once asked Barbra, like any star-struck civilian: How does it feel to be only 21, a big recording artist and star of the Broadway hit Funny Girl? "Not much," said Barbra. "That cool really flustered Lucille. It violated everything she believes in," says cousin Cleo Smith, who grew up with Miss B in small-town Celoron, N.Y. "For her, nothing ever came easy. She didn't marry until she was 30, or become a really big star until she was 40. She's still so hard on herself, sets such rigorous standards for herself as an actress and parent. She honestly believes in all the old maxims, that a stitch in time saves nine, etc. She's literal-minded, a bit like Scarlett O'Hara. Does what needs doing today, and to hell with tomorrow."

Her self-made wealth a few years ago was reckoned at $50 to $100 million. After her divorce, she reluctantly took over the presidency of the Desilu studio and sold it six years later to the conglomerate Gulf & Western for nearly $18 million. Does that make her the biggest lady tycoon in Hollywood? (The 179 original I Love Lucy reruns now belong, incidentally, to a CBS syndicate; her second Lucy Show, to Paramount. She owns only the current Here's Lucy - OK, go that straight?)

"Hah! Like Sinatra, I owe about three and a half million bucks all the time. That figure is ridiculous. All my money is working. I lost a helluva lot in the stock market last year and haven't recouped it. It's an illusion that people in show biz are really rich. The really filthy rich are the little old ladies in Boston, the old folks in Pasadena, who've had dough for years and haven't been seen since."

The divorce from Desi Arnaz can still set her brooding. "It was the worst period of my life. I really hit the bottom of despair - anything form there on had to be up. Neither Desi nor I has been the same since, physically or mentally, though we're very friendly, ridiculously so. Nobody knows how hard I tried to make that marriage work, thinking all the trouble must be my fault. I did everything I could to right that ship, trotting to psychiatrists. I hate failure, and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes... Anything in excess drives me crazy. He'd build a home anyplace he was, and then never be around to enjoy it. I was so idealistic, I thought that with two beautiful babies, and a beautiful business, what more could any man want? Freedom, he said, but he had that. People don't know what a job he did building that Desilu empire, what a great director and brilliant executive he was yet he let it all go....Maybe Latins have an instinct for self-destruction..."

Was that the conflict, a Latin temperament married to an old-fashioned American female? "It has a helluva lot to do with getting into it and getting out. The charm. But they keep up a big facade and don't follow through. No, the machismo didn't bother me, I like to play games too.

"Desi and I had made an agreement that if either of us wanted to pull out of Desilu, the other could buy. I wanted to go to Switzerland with the kids, anywhere to run away, but he wanted out. The I found out that for five years, our empire had taken a nose dive, and if I wanted to get my money back, I had to rebuild it first. For the first time in my life, I was absolutely terrified - I'd never run any show or a big studio. When I came back from doing the musical Wildcat on Broadway, I was so sick, so beat, I just sat in that backyard, numb, for a year. I'd had pneumonia, mononucleosis, staph, osteomyletis. Lost 22 pounds. Friends told me the best thing I could do physically, psychologically, was go back to work, but could I revive Lucy without Desi, my old writers, the old crew?"

You didn't like being a woman executive? "I hated it. I used to cry so much - and I'm not a crier - because I had to let someone go or make decisions I didn't understand. There were always two sides to every question, and trouble was I could see both sides. No one realizes how run-down Desilu was. The finks and sycophants making $70,000 a year, they were easy to clean out. Then during the CBS Jim Aubrey regime, I couldn't sell the new pilots we made - Dan Dailey, Donald O'Connor, Ethel Merman. I couldn't sell anything but me." (9)

Was it tough to be a woman bossing men? "Yeah. It puts men in a bad spot. I could read their minds, unfortunately, wondering who is this female making this decision, not realizing that maybe I'd consulted six experts first. I'm all wrong as an executive, I feel out of place. I have too many antennae out, I'm too easily hurt and intimidated. But I can make quick surgical incisions. I've learned that much about authority - give people enough rope to hand themselves, stand back, let them work, but warm them first. Creative people you have to give special leeway to, and often it doesn't pay off. Me, I'm workative, not creative. I can fix - what I call 'naturalize.' I'm a good editor, I can naturalize dialogue, find an easier way to do a show mechanically.

But I didn't make the same marriage mistake twice. Gary digs what my life is, why I have to work. We have tranquility. We want the same things, take care of what we have."

She shows me Gary's dressing room, closets hung with shirts and jackets - by the dozen. "My husband is a clothes and car nut, but it's a harmless vice. Better than booze or chasing women, right?" (His cars include a 1927 Model T Ford, a Mercedes-Benz 300 SL, an Astin Martin, a Rolls-Royce convertible.)

"Anyone married to me has an uphill climb. Gary and I coped by anticipating. We knew we should be separated eight, nine months a year, so he tapered off his act, found other thing to do - making investments, building things. He plays the golf circuit, Palm Springs, Pebble Beach, and tolerantly lets me stay at Snowmass for weeks. Sun just doesn't agree with me. He didn't come into the business for five years. I didn't want to put him in a position in which he would be ridiculed. I could tell that he was grasping things - casting, story line. I said, 'You've been a big help to me. You should be paid for it.' "

On a Friday night, I dine with the Mortons. Dinner is served around 6:30, just like in my Midwest hometown. Lucille is still fretting about this week's show - "over-rehearsed; because there were so many props, the fun had gone out of it." Gary, just home from unwinding his own way - golfing with Milton Berle, Joey Bishop - asks if I'd like something to drink with dinner? Coke or ginger ale? "No? I think we have wine." No high living in this house, but the spareribs are superb. "Laura asked me an interesting question," he tells his wife. "Like isn't there a conflict when a husband in the same business - comedy - marries a superstar? I told her I'd never thought of it before."

They met the summer when Lucille was rehearsing Wildcat, and he was a stand-up comic at Radio City Music Hall, seven days a week. "We both came up the hard way," he says. "I got started in World War II, clowning for USO shows. I've been in show biz for 30 years and can appreciate what she goes through. Lucy can't run company by herself. Maybe with me around, when she walks on the set, her mind is at peace. I pop in from time to time, on conferences, rehearsals. I can tell from her if things are going well, if the laughter is there. She's a thoroughbred, very honest with me, a friend to whom I can talk about anything. She never leaves me out of her life; that's important for a man. Do you know how many bets were lost about our marriage lasting? It's been nearly ten years now, and I've slept on the couch only once."

Past dinner, we adjourn promptly to the living room, and a private showing of Little Murders. It's not a pretty movie of urban American life, and Lucy talks back indignantly to the screen. (10) The flick she rally like was George Plimpton's Paper Lion, with the Detroit Lions, which she booked under the illusion it was an animal picture. "At the end, 12 of us here stood up and cheered, and I wrote every last Lion a fan note. You know that picture hardly made a dime?"

On a house tout, I'd noted the Norman Rockwell and Andrew Wyeth albums in the living room, and a memo scotch-taped to her bathroom wall: "Get Smart with N.V.P."

N.V.P. Is that Norman Vincent Peale, her old friend and spiritual mentor? "Yes. He marred me and Gary. I still adhere to his way of thinking because he preaches a day-to-day religion that I can understand. Something workable, not allegory. Like how do you get up in the morning and just get through the day?

"Dr. Peale taught me the art of selfishness. All it means is doing what's right for you, not being a burden to others. When I was in Wildcat, he dropped around one night saying, 'I hear you're very ill, and working too hard.' 'Work never hurt anybody,' I protested. But he reminded me I had two beautiful children to bring up, and if I was in bad shape, how could I do it? I've learned you don't rake more leaves than you can get into the wheelbarrow. I've always been moderate, but I was too spread around, trying to please too many people. You don't become callous, but you conserve your energies."

What about her kids? Passing a newsstand, I'd noted a rash of fan mags blazoned with headlines about Desi Jr., something of a teen-age idol, and at 18 a spitting image of old pop. (A rock star at 12, he'd recently garnered very good notices indeed for a movie role in Red Sky at Morning.) "Why Lucille Ball's Son Is So Bitter About His Own Mother," read the El Trasho covers. "Patty Duke Begs Desi Jr. To Believe Her: 'You Made Me Pregnant.' " Does the imbroglio bother this on-the-nose moralist?

"I worked for years for a quiet personal life and to have to personally impinged on, with no recourse, is hard. I brought Patty to the house, feeling very maternal about her, saying look at this clever girl, what a big talent she is. Now, I can thank her for useless notoriety. She's living in some fantastic dreamworld, and we're the victims of it. Desi being the tender age of 17 when they met, she used him. She hasn't proved or asked for anything. I asked Desi if he wanted to marry her and he said no. My daughter helped outfit the baby, which Patty brought to the house, but did she ever say thank you?

"Desi's going to CIA this fall." Not the CIA? No, the new California Institute of the Arts, where he'll study music. "Yes, he's very much like his father, too much sometimes - I just hope he has Desi's business acumen. I'm glad he didn't choose UCLA or Berkeley or a school full of nonconformists. Lucie just now wants marriage and babies - maybe she'll go on to college later.

"I took the kids out of school deliberately. Desi was at Beverly Hills High, Lucie at Immaculate Heart."

Why? "I didn't like the scene - it was the usual - pregnant girls, drugs." That goes on at Immaculate Heart? Sure. "A lot of girls who boarded there were unhappy misfits, and Lucie was already working in the nunnery. All the friends she brought home were the rejected. I'm that way myself."

Did they mind, well, your stage-managing their lives? "No, they were as sick of that weird high school scene as I was. I made them a proposition - told them to think it over for a month, while I was in Monaco. Do you want to be on the show? I told them the salary would be scale, that most would be put in trust. They'd be tutored and not able to graduate with their classes. They both thought they were going to the coast, but working with a tutor, they really got turned on by books for the first time. They wanted to be in show business, and I wanted to keep an eye on them."

Of course her show is nepotism, she grants. "Cleo thought a long time before becoming the producer, wondering if it wasn’t overdoing family. Nobody seems to be suffering from it, I told her." Thursday night show time is like a tense Broadway opening night. Gary Morton, in stylish crested blazer, warms up the audience, heavy with out-of-town tourists. "Lucy started out with another fellow, can't remember his name.... What is home without a mother? A place to bring girls." Lucille bursts out onstage, exuding the old MGM glamour, fireball hair ablaze, eyelashes inches long, in aquamarine-cum-rhinestone kaftan. "For God's sake," she implores, "laugh it up! We want to hear from you... Gary, have you introduced my mom?" Indeed he has. Loyal, durable, 79-year-old Desiree "DeDe" Ball, her hair pink as Lucille's, has missed few of the 409 Lucy shows filmed to date, and is on hand as usual with 19 personal guests. Gary also asks for big hands for Cleo, and her husband Cecil Smith, TV critic for the LA Times, who has also appeared on the show. (11) 

One day Desi Jr. wanders on the set, just back from visiting his father in Mexico. He'd gone with Patty Duke and the baby. The young man does have Latin charm, and apparently talent. I ask him a fan-mag query: Is it rough to be the spin-off of such famous show-biz parents?

"Well, I grew up with kids like Dean Martin, Jr., and Tony Martin, Jr., and we had a lot in common." What? "We all had houses in Palm Springs." Any generational problem with Mom? "She's found the thing she's best at, and sticks to it. As long as she has Snowmass, she has an escape, some reality. I realize she lives half in a man's world, and that must be tough on a woman. My father - he worked hard for years, and then he'd had it. This is silly, weird, he felt. He aged more in ten years than he had in 40. I'm like him. I feel life is very short. He's had major operations recently, and he's changed a lot."

Patty Duke is six years older than Desi Jr., paralleling the six-year age gap that separated parents Lucy and Desi. "Patty is a lot like my mother, the same drive, and strong will, a perfectionist...But I'm never going to get married. Marriage is unrealistic, expecting you to devote a whole life unselfishly to just one person. Do you know people age unbelievably when they marry? From what I've seen, 85 percent of married couples are miserable; 14 percent, just average; one percent, happy." (12) 

His mother's own childhood, in little Celoron, an outspring of Jamestown, N.Y., was oh-so-different from her kids'. "She was always a wild, tempestuous, exciting child," say Cleo, "doing things that worried people, plotting and scheming, though she knew she'd get in trouble." Interesting, because that's one basic of the Lucy format, Miss B forever finagling second bananas like Vivian Vance into co-trouble. "One summer, she conned me into running away. It was only to nearby Fredonia, but in her sneaky way she really wanted to catch up to a groovy high school principal who was teaching there. He played it very cool, calling Mom and telling her we were staying overnight in a boarding house. On his advice, when we got home, DeDe acted as if we hadn't been away. That devastated Lucille, no reaction, nothing."

The classic Lucy story line also has her conniving against male authority, whether husband or boss, now played by Gale Gordon. "I need a strong father or husband figure as catalyst. I have to be an inadequate somebody, because I don't want the authority for Lucy. Every damned movie script sent me seems to cast me as a lady with authority, like Eve Arden or Roz Russell, but that's not me.

"No, I don't remember my own father," says Miss Ball. "He was a telephone lineman who died of typhoid at 25, when I was about three. I do remember everything that day, though. Hanging out the window, begging to play with the kids next door who had measles... The doctor coming, my mother weeping. I remember a bird that flew in the window, a picture that fell off the wall.

"My brother Fred [who was born after her father's death] was always very, very good. He never did anything wrong - he was too much to bear. I was always in trouble, a real pain in the ass. I suppose I wasn't much fun to be around." To this day, says Cleo, Lucille suspects Fred is her mother's favorite, even though DeDe has devoted her whole life to this daughter.

Family ties were always fierce-strong. After her father's death, "We lived with my mother's parents, for a while. Grandpa Hunt was a marvelous jack-of-all-trades, a woodturner, eye doctor, mailman, bon vivant, hotel owner. [And also an old-fashioned Populist-Socialist.] He met my grandmother, Flora Belle, a real pioneer woman and pillar of the family, when she was a maid in his hotel. She was a nurse and midwife, an orphan who brought up four pairs of twin sisters and brothers all by herself. He took us to vaudeville every Saturday and to the local amusement park. When Grandma died at 51, all us kids had to pitch in, making beds, cooking.

"Yeah, I guess I am real mid-America, growing up as a mix of French-Scotch-Irish-English, living on credit like everyone else, paying $1.25 a week to the insurance man, buying furniture on time. But it was a good, full life. Grandpa took us camping, fishing, picking mushrooms, made us bobsleds. We always had goodies. I had the first boyish bob in town and the first open galoshes.

"My mother then married Ed Peterson, a handsome-ugly man, very well-read. He was good to me and Freddy but he drank too much. He was the first to point out the magic of the stage. A monologist came to town on the Chautauqua circuit. He just sat onstage with a pitcher of water and light bulb and made us laugh and cry for two hours. For me, this was pure magic. When I was about seven, Ed and mother moved to Detroit, leaving me with his old-fashioned Swedish parents, who were very strict. I had to be in bed at 6:30, hearing all the other kids playing outside in the summer daylight. Maybe it wasn't that traumatic, but I realize now it was a bad time for me. I felt as if I'd been deserted. I got my imagination to working, and read trillions of books."

The adult Lucille, talking to interviewers, used to go on and on about her "unhappy" childhood, little realizing that she was reflecting on her mother, to whom she is passionately devoted. "Just how long do you think you lived with the Petersons?" asked DeDe one day in a confrontation. "Three YEARS? Well I tell you it was more like three weeks."

"I left home at 15, much too early, desperate to break into the big wide world. Looking for work in New York show biz was ugly, without any leads or friends or training other than high school operettas and plays and Sunday school pageants. I was very shy and reticent, believe it or not, and I kept running home every five minutes. I got thrown in with older Shubert and Ziegfeld dollies and, believe me, they were a mean, closed corporation. I don't understand kids today who get easily discouraged and yap about doing their own thing. Don't they know what hard work is? Where are their morals? I always knew when I did wrong, and paid penance."

Yet she was venturesome enough to sit in on some recent Synanon group-therapy sessions for drug addicts. "They wanted me to raise some money, and I wanted to find out what it was about. The games were fascinating, wonderful, until I couldn't take it any more. The other participants kept bugging me: What are you here for? Are your children drug addicts? I had to start making up problems."

For two decades, she's been risking her neck in those murderous ratings, outlasting long-ago competitors like Fulton Sheen, and now up against such pleasers as pro football and Rowan and Martin. (13) 

Suppose the ratings drop, what would she do?

No idea. "Might take a trip on the Inland Waterway form Boston to Florida. In my deal with Universal, I can make specials, other movies, TV pilots. I wouldn't have to ski 'spooked' at Snowmass." What's that? "Honey, I have to be careful. If I break a leg 500 people are out of work. (14) I'd be happy in some branch of acting with some modicum of appreciation. Listen, it never occurred to me, in life that I'd fail ever, because I always appreciated small successes. I never had a big fixed goal. When I was running Desilu, it drove me wild when people asked, 'Aren't you proud to own the old RKO studio where you once worked as a starlet?' What $50-a-week starlet ever walked around a lot saying, 'I want to own this studio'?

"I don't know what you've been driving at, what's your story line? But it's been interesting, talking."

FOOTNOTES: HINDSIGHT IS 20/20

(1) This refers to a rare 1969 BBC documentary about Britain’s royal family that gave the public an inside look at the life of the Windsors. In one scene, the family was watching television, and on the screen was “I Love Lucy”, much to the chagrin of Prince Philip. Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip were mentioned on the series, especially in the episode “Lucy Meets the Queen” (ILL S5;E15).  

(2) Lucy is referring to a 1967 episode of “The Lucy Show” titled “Lucy The Babysitter” (TLS S5;E16) in which Lucy Carmichael babysits three rambunctious chimps for their parents, played by Jonathan Hole and Mary Wickes. In the final moments of the show, Wickes reveals a fourth sibling - a baby elephant!  The animal went wild and pushed Wickes (what Ball described as a “press job”) into one of the prop trees. The trainer had to physically subdue the elephant to get it away from Wickes, who injured her arm. The final cut ends with the entrance of the baby elephant.

(3) Lucy is conflating (probably intentionally) the stories of real-life prohibitionist Carrie Nation (1846-1911), who famously hacked up bars and whisky barrels with an axe, and Lizzie Bordon (1860-1927), who famously hacked up her parents with an axe. (Photo from the 1962 TV special “The Good Years” starring Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda.) 

(4) There was never a film version of Thornton Wilder’s play Skin Of Our Teeth which was on Broadway in 1942 starring Tallulah Bankhead as Sabina, the role offered to Ball.  There were several television adaptations; one in Australia in 1959; one in England the same year starring Vivian Leigh as Sabina;  one in the USA in 1955 starring Mary Martin (above) as Sabina; and a filmed version of a stage production starring Blair Brown as Sabina in 1983. Although it is possible that Lucille Ball might have been considered for the role of the sexy housemaid Sabina in 1955, the article says that the role was “just” offered to her, so it probably refers to a 1971 project that never materialized. Wilder’s story tracks a typical American family from New Jersey from the ice age through the apocalypse. 

(5) In 1971, there was a popular revival of the 1925 musical comedy No, No, Nanette on Broadway. The cast featured veteran screen star Ruby Keeler and included Helen Gallagher (playing a character named Lucille, coincidentally), Bobby Van, Jack Gilford, Patsy Kelly and Susan Watson. Busby Berkeley, nearing the end of his career, was credited as supervising the production, although his name was his primary contribution to the show. The 1971 production was well-reviewed and ran for 861 performances. It sparked interest in the revival of similar musicals from the 1920s and 1930s. The original 1925 cast featured Charles Winninger, who played Barney Kurtz, Fred’s old vaudeville partner on “I Love Lucy.” In that same episode (above), they sing a song from the musical, "Peach on the Beach” by Vincent Youmans and Otto Harbach. Like the revue in the episode, the musical is set in Atlantic City, New Jersey.  

(6) Lucy is referring to her 1936 affidavit of registration to join the Communist Party.  Lucille said she signed it to appease her elderly grandfather. The cavalier act caught up with Ball in 1953, when zealous red-hunting Senator Joe McCarthy tried to purge America of suspected Communists. Although many careers were ruined, Ball escaped virtually unscathed.  

(7) The popular big band music series “The Lawrence Welk Show” (1955) was unceremoniously canceled in 1971 by ABC, in an attempt to attract younger audiences. What Lucy doesn’t mention is that four days after this magazine was published, the show began running brand new shows in syndication, which continued until 1982. Welk, despite not being much of an actor, played himself on “Here’s Lucy” (above) in January 1970. 

(8) “Let’s Talk To Lucy” was a short daily radio program aired on CBS Radio from September 1964 to June 1964. Most interviews (including Streisand’s) were spread over multiple installments.  

(9)  To showcase possible new series (pilots) Desilu and CBS aired “Vacation Playhouse” (1963-67) during the summer when “The Lucy Show” was on hiatus.  This would often be the only airing of Lucy’s passion projects. “Papa GI” with Dan Dailey as an army sergeant in Korea who has his hands full with two orphans who want him to adopt them. The pilot was aired in June 1964 but it was not picked up for production. “Maggie Brown” had Ethel Merman playing a widow trying to raise a daughter and run a nightclub which is next to a Marine Corps base. The pilot aired in September 1963, but went unsold. “The Hoofer” starring Donald O’Connor and Soupy Sales as former vaudevillians aired its pilot in August 1966. No sale! 

(10) Little Murders (1971) was a black comedy based on the play of the same name by Jules Feiffer. The film is about a young nihilistic New Yorker (Elliott Gould) coping with pervasive urban violence, obscene phone calls, rusty water pipes, electrical blackouts, paranoia and ethnic-racial conflict during a typical summer of the 1970s. Definitely not Lucille Ball’s style of comedy!  Paper Lion (1968) was a sports comedy about George Plimpton (Alan Alda) pretending to be a member of the Detroit Lions football team for a Sports Illustrated article. 

(11) Cecil Smith appeared in “Lucy Meets the Burtons” (HL S3;E1) in 1970 playing himself, a member of the Hollywood Press with a dozen other real-life writers. The casting was a way to get better coverage of the episode (featuring power couple Dick Burton, Liz Taylor, and her remarkable diamond ring). The gambit worked and the episode was the most viewed of the entire series. 

(12) Desi Jr.’s 1971 views on marriage did not last. He married actress Linda Purl in 1980, but they divorced in 1981. In October 1987, Arnaz married dancer Amy Laura Bargiel. Ten years later they purchased the Boulder Theatre in Boulder City, Nevada and restored it. They lived in Boulder with their daughter, Haley. Amy died of cancer in 2015, at the age of 63.   

(13) From 1952 to 1957, Catholic Bishop Fulton J. Sheen hosted the inspirational program “Life Is Worth Living”, winning an Emmy Award in 1953, alongside winners Lucille Ball and “I Love Lucy.”  “Here’s Lucy” was programmed up against “Monday Night Football” on ABC and “Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In” on NBC.  Instead of ignoring her competition, Ball embraced them by featuring stories about football and incorporating many of the catch phrases and guest stars from “Laugh-In.” 

(14) Lucy spoke too soon!  Just a few months after this interview was published Ball did indeed have a skiing accident in Snowmass and broke her leg. With season five’s first shooting date approaching, Ball was faced with either ending the series or re-write the scripts so that Lucy Carter would be in a leg cast.  She chose the latter, even incorporating actual footage of herself on the Snowmass  slopes (above) into "Lucy’s Big Break” (HL S5;E1). 

Elsewhere in the Issue...

“This Was Our Life” by Gene Shalit includes images of Lucille Ball in the collage illustration. 

A week after this issue of Look hit the stands, the fourth season of “Here’s Lucy” kicked off with guest star Flip Wilson and a parody of Gone With the Wind.  Three days later, Ball guest-starred on his show. 

Not to be outdone, LOOK’s rival LIFE also devoted an entire issue to television, on news stands just three days later.  

Naturally, “I Love Lucy” didn’t escape mention!  I’m not sure why the show’s run is bifurcated: 1952-55, 1956-57.  Actually, the show began in 1951 and ran continually until 1957. 

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