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snxxiao · 3 years ago

Note

uhm so about the gods/adepti poker game 👀

would it be possible for me to request a version of this with the liyue characters? (yunnie, xingqiu, beidou, zhongli, etc?) the characters mentioned above are all optional, but I’ve been on a xingqiu/yunnie brainrot and— I just need some content there isn’t enough uhm Ik I’m ranting but please im thirsting rn AGH

anyways, love your work! looking forward to seeing what you write next haha :)

Pervert Xingqiu back n better then ever >:) nothing can stop a manipulative rich kid on their power trip >:) might be a bit darker then you wanted sorry :/ just send another ask and i can try to make a more dubcon-y one :)

xingqiu x fem! reader (w/ chongyun and others not explicitly mentioned)

warnings: noncon, more so dubcon near the end, gambling, manipulation, voyerism, gangbang, imbalance of power, gaslighting? mayhaps, vaginal penitration, handjobs, lack of proper preparation, unedited bc my laptop is being a meanie >:(, pls lmk if theres another one you can think of!

18+ dark content warning

- No no but like hear me out (mostly bullet point sorry heheh)... the elite has underground gambling circles in which they trade off their wealth, businesses, pretty much anything to try and get money. Xingqiu has his own as well, however, he got much too tired of just gambling away money. He had too much of it for it to actually mean anything. Instead, he wanted something much more valuable, people’s dignities.

- once a month he would hold a very special invite only game

- the rules were simple: everyone had to bring a partner and the one with the lowest hand had to strip

- well, the person playing didn’t, but their partner did

- and whoever lost first

- well, lets just say they were in for a rough night

- Xingqiu was a new friend of yours- you were frankly ecstatic to meet him

- Even more so when he invited you to play a game of poker with his friends!

- It’s safe to say you were swept up off your feet. A noble, a vision user was talking to you! How could you not be?

- Except… now that you were sitting there, you were a little more… well, confused to say the least

- If this was supposed to be a poker game, then how come you weren’t ever delt any cards?

- Ah, maybe he just invited you to watch! That would make much more sense. You didn’t really have a clue how to gamble anyway

- But wait… why were the other people’s partners taking their clothes off? That didn’t make sense at all.

- You tried to think the best of things, and when that failed, tried to find a way out but every exit was blocked off by guards

- w-well maybe it wouldn’t be so bad!

- it was a hope that was quickly fleeting when you start to see xingqiu loose

- he would brush it off! It was just his first time! Bad luck of the draw! It wouldn’t happen again so you shouldn’t worry!

- You should trust him; his friends were the one to come up with this! He just went along to not upset them, and you should too. Don’t worry! He wouldn’t lose again!

- In the end he somehow convinced you to play along- it wasn’t like you had much of a choice anyway

- so, you believed him

- and at first, he wasn’t lying! He didn’t loose for another few hands

- But then… the look he gave to Chongyun gave it all away to the rest of the table

- soon he started loosing hand after hand

- and you had to strip piece by piece until you were left with nothing but your underwear

- he convinced you that it would all be okay

- he manipulated you into believing that this was normal, and that nothing bad was going to happen

- he cared about you, had your best interests at heart! He promised.

- if you did fight back, he would just restrain you and do it himself anyway.

- you were hoping against all hope that he would turn around and start to win

- but as the cards were laid out on the table, the panic began to rise as the other girls got to exit the room

“X-Xingqiu I-I don’t want to do this…” but backed into a corner, you didn’t really have any choice.

“Don’t worry, it’ll all be okay… I’m so sorry this happened, I didn’t know it was going to, I swear” He lied straight through his teeth. Chongyun wanted to laugh at his friends attempts to be sympathetic. He knew it was all an act- everyone in the room knew that. It was so painfully obvious to see.

The way his hands were on your hips, slowly guiding you to the table in the center of the room. The way his hips were pressed so tightly against your own. It was even hard for Xingqiu to contain the smile he was holding back. The way we pulled off your last article of clothing with no remorse. The way he found excitement in the fact you were completely bare in a room full of fully dressed men. Legs spread by no one other then him.

Maybe your brain was going to haywire to realize what was happening, maybe it was trying to block it out. Only the gods knew, really. You could feel everything going on, but did not have the mental compacity you properly react to it. To try to run away. You were simply at a disadvantage.

He knew all of this and used it to make his move. Softly coaxing you with praise that it would all be over soon, and you had nothing to worry about. You want to believe him, but when something hard began to prod at your unprepared hole.

He wasn’t a man of teasing; he was a man of action. Lucky for you he would use oil to help out. Maybe he would even use the aphrodisiac oils his family specially prepared. Maybe he would be slow and gentle with you, as if you were a delicate flower.

“Don’t worry… you’ll be okay… after this I’ll treat you real nice, okay?” He smiled down at you, finally forcing his cock in with a heavy groan. “Clean you up, take you to a bath house and treat you like a real princess. Just hold out for me yeah? You’re so perfect… you can do this for me cant you?”

His words messed with your head. You really didn’t know anything that was happening, but the praise felt nice. Maybe he would too after a while. As your walls became more soaked you could almost convince yourself of it now. Xingqiu wouldn’t lie to you, probably.

You hoped so.

But one thing did become all the more clear as another blue haired man placed his cock in the palm of your hand, it would be a long night. And you wouldn’t be leaving until everyone had their turn with you.

Maybe it would feel good. Maybe you could handle it like he wanted. And if you could then maybe you just might get invited back next month :)

As the night continued on, you might just decide being a reoccurring member wouldn’t be so bad :)

navi

before you leave a comment: I no longer post or really have a passion for writing. I only go on tumblr every couple of months just to see what’s going on with my friends. I wasn’t chased off the platform or anything, I just got burnt out and no longer had inspiration to write. I wrote dc to help me cope with trauma in the past. The reason it is still up is to help with people who may have had similar experiences to my own to help them cope as well. If you don’t enjoy dc, please do not leave any rude/hateful comments on my or other creators posts. Just block tags that make you uncomfortable and move on. Thank you. I hope you have an amazing day :)

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dearest-kibble · 4 years ago

Note

yan kenma who has you locked up in his apartment- it’s been some time and you’ve given up escaping but you know he live-streams so you kind of start living small clues that you’re there in hope someone will figure it out? but instead of a viewer kenma finds out; and instead of stopping you he just decides to taunt you and play along to the point his viewers make it an inside joke- the emotional rollercoaster that would be? he wouldn’t have to punish you- the crushing despair is enough alone

This is so deliciously fucked up I love it,,, thank you anon, Kenma hits so different. I love him thank you so so so much. i am working on so much,,, thank you for being patient with all my uhhh lateness? this kinda became something a little different than the prompt but hopefully thats good?

Kenma Kozume x Fem reader

tw: Typical yandere-ness, humiliation? Sexism? Mentioned stalking, (If im missing anything please let me know my brain isn’t functioning rn)

You’re sitting on his lap, camera angled so that no one’s view is obstructed by your body, but so that all his views can clearly see you. You’ve been here so long, any hope of leaving, ironically, has left you. But, the thought crept slowly, surely, deeply into your brain and hasn’t left. You turn around on Kenma’s lap, straddling him and you’re sure the live chat is going a little crazy at the thought of Kodzuken having someone in his lap while he streams and he’s probably going to tell you to get off soon, but you’ve got the chat’s attention, and you are going to work with it. You tap Kenma’s cheeks, slight squish on them and you know he hates that it’s on camera all the same, you drum three fingers on his cheek, smiling at him for the camera as your fingertips meet his clammy skin. He doesn’t tell you to stop so across his cheek you swipe your thumb three times as tenderly as possible. As you stand from his lap, you pat his cheeks, three times delicately. You look into his eyes, still as calculating as when you met him, a deceptively warm amber with the tiniest hint of frustration (and somewhere inside, you know it’s probably with you but you can’t care.)

“I’m gonna sit on the couch, ‘kay?” You call softly, hoping you were subtle enough with your plea.

“Oh, okay,” And you think you’re free before he calls a “Wait! Come back for a little.” You’re even halfway to the couch before the words rope you back in. He beckons you to lean down, and whispers into your ear. “I noticed you trying to sign to get out. Morse code isn’t as subtle as you think, you might as well just ask them to get you out,” You chance a quick look towards chat.

“Was that morse code?”

“Holy shit! Yeah, I think that was SOS.”

“You think they actually need to get out or it’s one of those ‘my bfs terrible’ jokes?”

“You see the way they were straddling? Def not a hate my bf sorta thing.”

“See?” He’s still whispering into your ear, game forgotten in lieu of what might be called humiliation. “They won’t believe you because you want to be here. Regardless of what you say, you would’ve left already if you didn’t.” He smiles at you and affectionately pats your head. Like he’d pet a cat. The idea is still in your mind, though perhaps a little shallower. You glance at the chat once more, someone is still talking about it, but Kenma pushes you away with a “I’ll get you when I’m done, okay?” You end your night on the couch with Kenma. He smiles at you and puts your legs on his lap.

The next livestream is two days after the last one. You have something planned once more, hopefully more effective.

“I’m playing minecraft today, I could set up your computer, and we could play together?” His small smile is back. And though a kind gesture, all you can think about is how easily you could make a point.

“Okay!” The earlier plan is immediately forgotten, and thoughts of what you could do in a game, fills your mind. “Will I have a mic?”

“No, I can’t have you telling them can I?” And it clicks, because of course he’d taunt you. But it’s like your brain grew claws that cannot lose their hold.

“Will I have a camera?” And you know the answer, but Kenma might still surprise you. You’ve already had one shock tonight, maybe you’ll get another.

“No. Sorry. You have chat though.” He pats your head again, ruffling your hair. “I’ve already got you set up, c’mon.” He tugs at your hand, pulling gently.

“Thanks Kenma.” He’s put another computer across from his desk on a much smaller table made for playing cards.

“You’re all set up.”

“Yeah.” He clicks the mouse a few times, waves at the camera to his right. “Can everybody hear me?” He waits a few seconds for chat’s response. “Chat is saying yes, so let’s get right in?” He smiles sheepishly to his camera.

“Hi everyone, I’ m Kodzuken and today we are,” He pauses to look at you with honeyed amber eyes. “Playing Minecraft with my partner.” He nods in your direction. You just open the minecraft tab, the only shortcut that seems to be on the computer.

“It’s a LAN server, click that, okay?” So you click it and say nothing. You start to go through the motions of chopping a tree, making sticks, making a crafting table. Kennma is narrating what he does, and you’re not even sure where he is in game until you're knocked back and turn your mouse to look at him.

“Yeah, I know - she should be relying on me.” He’s responding to something in chat, he’s gotta be. You type a quick,

“What’re they saying?”

“Oh, that my girlfriend shouldn’t be so independent, you rely on me - I'm your boyfriend.” Kenma says it so casually, so acerbically that you immediately take off sprinting from the forest in game.

“She has these bouts - you saw them last stream - where she likes to try and ‘get away’.” Kenma laughs softly; little glockenspiel notes falling from his mouth. “It’s a really cute joke honestly! Anyway, I’ll put my minecraft bed next to hers later, right now...” You stop paying attention and start planning how you’d try to get your point across more clearly. You could make signs, say “Get me out!” Like Kenma suggested.

“Hey! He looks over the screen at you, piercing eyes staring right through you. “Don’t go off on your own, we’re staying together alright?”

“No.” He’ll have to deal with chatting, possibly hearing you by himself. And you continue through the coded forest. It goes pretty smoothly, though you’re sure Kenma is trying to find you, you’ve already created a mine for yourself, and made a little sign with instructions that reads: “Get me out!”

“Her voice is quite cute, isn’t it? I’ll get to hear it for the rest of my life.” He continues humming out yes’s and no’s to his audience that sit captivated in a land of blocks and pixels.

“Hey, I’m going to use the restroom, is it alright if my girlfriend takes over for me?” He stands, and waves you over into his chair that’s been made for gaming and padded with red accents. He watches you with his cat-like eyes as you sit down and pats your head. “I’ll be right back Kitty, behave.” And you hear his soft footsteps get farther away and the creak of the door twice before you finally look at chat.

Woa, Kudzu got lucky huh?

“Please,” You don’t sound nearly as someone might think you would. You’ve been here too long. “Get me out of here?”

Sure sweetheart, just come over to my place first.

“Just - get me away from him please!”

Girls are so whiny huh?

Hey man, its funny at least amiright?

“It’s not a joke -”

She’s really committed to this bit huh

Damn iim staartin to feel bad for ken

Me to :(

“I’ve been here for year and I don’t want to-”

Wow. what an ungrateful bitch.

Ikr? She’s got a bf and everything and she wants to get out?

“No- it’s not like that - he stalked me for months I-” And the familiar desperation you thought hoped beyond all hope that you had lost bleeds back into your voice all repression surfaces like the tide in your eyes.

Oh fuxxx we made her cry.

relax bet she’s just on her period or smth

“I am not!” A bubble of snot pops from your nose and mucus drips uncomfortably to your lips. “I just-”

What could you want that you don’t have.

“My house! My job! My friends!” And your voice breaks

She wants to go back to a job?

Crazy lady huh.

She wants friends when all she really needs is a man? smh.

“Kitten, what-”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” It’s an outburst that you’ll regret later, for one reason or another. But for now it’s a small comfort to speak your mind. With your voice wavering and congested, you choke out a “Let me go home.” Kenma’s eyebrows furrow but his eyes are still the calculating, cold amber they always are.

“Shh shh, it’s okay.” Instead of the quick pats he’s so fond of, he strokes your hair and massages the nape of your neck like he’s picking up a kitten who's gotten into a fight. “I’m going to cut the stream, okay?”

Who’d want to leave Ken, he’s cutting the stream short to help his gf.

…….yeah

I feel bad.

“You should. Please don’t make her cry.” A few clicks later and the stream cuts. “Do you want me to upload that one?” To get your message out? You’d do anything.

“Yes please…” Someone will have to see it. How miserable you are.

“Then it’ll go up, okay?” He pats your back twice, and he stands again to sit at the computer. Out of the blue he speaks again. “They’re right.” No no no no no. “I’m lucky, i’m so glad you're here with me and that you won’t leave.”

“I will get out!” The proof of your white hot anger is breaking the dam built in your throat.

“Where will you go? Your friends don’t know where you’ve gone, they won’t be happy with you coming back unannounced.”

“My parents-”

“You can rely on me, you don’t need anyone else.”

“But I-”

“Shhh kitty, you’re overreacting let’s get you to bed, you’ve had a stressful day.” And so he walks you back to the room you share that's covered in pictures, and he tucks you under the covers and dries your tears with a blanket. He whispers words to you, faint little nothings about games he’s going to play that you’ll enjoy watching and little bits of trivia about what “Kuroo” is up to. Eventually you fall asleep, with his hand in your hair and a chair pulled up close so he can stare. You both know it but no one will admit, some part of him will always enjoy how you lose hope so quickly.

once again! This should not’ve taken so long,,,, and it kinda deviates from request but! there we are! also,,,, you can’t tell me that like,,,,,,, kenma hasn’t been at least exposed to incels and or like,,,, really sexist guys he streams on twitch or youtube or something so- also thank you anon,,, i really like this one

#yandere x reader #yandere imagine #yandere #yandere haikyuu #yandere haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu kenma #kenma kozume #yandere kenma #yandere kenma x reader #hq kenma #kenma x reader #kenma kozume x reader #tw sexism

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fanfalc-616 · 4 years ago

Text

The Rights Of A Nindroid

Chapter Fifteen

(Prevoius Chapter Here)

(Discord Here)

Been a while since I’ve posted, sorry about that-

I’m supposed to be in school rn lol

When finally taken back to the lockers, after thirty exhausting hours, Cryptor feels as though he’s on the verge of a forced shutdown.

The damn brat had switched out with someone else, claiming something about an internship. And that had at least meant that the one hurting him no longer had a personal vendetta, but it was still painful.

Cryptor hates how close he had come to actually asking them to hurt Zane instead, but he didn’t. Though judging by the way the other looks when the two of them are put in the locker, they hurt him anyway.

DID THEY GIVE YOU A CHOICE TOO?

Zane doesn’t answer for a moment, likely out of surprise or maybe exhaustion.

I DIDNT GIVE IN

Cryptor snorts. Of course he didn’t. He’s a self-sacrificing dumbass, and it had been that knowledge that had allowed Cryptor to hang on himself.

HOW LONG A BREAK DO YOU THINK WELL GET?

It’s a morbid game, really, but the two of them had taken to guessing how long they would get before dragged out for testing or torture.

AT LEAST SIX HOURS WE WERE THERE FOR OVER A DAY

Mulls over the words, Cryptor considers the idea. Zane’s probably right, but he feels like arguing.

OR THEYLL WANT TO BEAT IT INTO US WITH A SHORTER ONE

There’s a pause, and Cryptor takes a moment to hate himself. Yes, start an argument with his one friend, that’s a wonderful idea.

IS SOMEONE HAVING A BAD DAY?

Cryptor snorts. Good, Zane can tell when he’s only pretending to argue. Probably picked that up from his teammates.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

The friendly banter continues for a while, but Cryptor can eventually feel himself shutting down from exhaustion.

He taps out a goodbye and a quick explanation before falling asleep, hoping- but not expecting- that they’ll get today off.

{ { { { { { { { { { ~ } } } } } } } } } }

Jay is starting to lose his grip.

Kai had gotten himself under house arrest by breaking into the government building- which he neglected to tell them the location of before doing so- and since they live on the Bounty, they’re stuck grounded so that the police can make sure that Kai’s not leaving.

Also he’s been sulking the whole time.

It’s already been almost two months, but he still has another four left, and everyone on the ship is going crazy from it.

“I am this close to renting a hotel until his house arrest is over.” Nya holds up her hand so that her pointer finger and thumb are almost touching.

Cole sighs, shaking his head. “I’d join you, but at this point I’m scared of leaving him unsupervised.”

Jay laughs a little. “Honestly, what could he do that’s worse than what he’s already done?”

The two immediately snap over to looking at him.

“Are you trying to jinx it?!” Cole groans. “You know full well how crazy he can get when it comes to protecting us.”

Wincing, Jay accepts the point. “That’s fair. But I doubt he would-“

Lloyd comes running into the room. “Kai left the ship. He tied his house arrest bracelet to the roomba so it would move, and I don’t know where he went.”

Jay blinks. “I stand corrected.”

Then they’re all scrambling to their feet, rushing off to try and find the dumbass hot head that is Kai.

Cole runs outside, probably off to go look at his usual hiding places- he’s run off before, but never under house arrest.

Nya goes to her computer, most likely going to try and track his phone- that’s her usual go-to for when one of them goes off to do something stupid.

He’s not entirely sure where Lloyd’s going, but he probably has some kind of plan.

But before Jay has the chance to come up with his own, his BorgPhone rings with a number that he doesn’t recognize.

A flash of fear takes over him. Oh, Kai better not have gotten captured. What happens if he has? They might hurt him, he might go to prison, he could get into all kinds of trouble!

With shaky hands, Jay hits accept and holds the phone up to his ear.

“Hey, this is Jay Walker. Who is this and how have I ruined your life?” Somehow, he manages to keep his voice from shaking.

“It’s more of your boyfriend who’s doing that.” Sentry grumbles. “I found Kai sneaking into Borg Tower- he was trying to find more hints of ways to rescue Zane. Please come and get him before he gets caught- I shoved him in a back room to keep people from finding him, but he’ll probably find a way out pretty soon.”

Jay curses softly. “Of course he did. Okay, I’m on my way.” He starts to head out even as he speaks, silently complaining about how reckless his boyfriend can be. He loves him, he really does, but sometimes- like now- he really wants to slap him.

It takes him around fifteen minutes to make it to Borg Tower, and when he steps inside, Sentry is standing right next to the door.

“He escapes from the room, so I put him in the timeout corner. He’s handcuffed to the wall, but I’m pretty sure that-“

Jay blinks a few times. “Wh- why do you have a timeout corner? And why does it have handcuffs?”

Sighing, Sentry shakes his head. “The white nindroids were created recently and are pretty immature,” he explains, “so a timeout is a pretty effective way to get them to behave. The handcuffs are for when they still don’t listen- now come on, we should hurry before he finds a way out.”

So Jay lets the nindroid lead him through the tower, trying to stop the way he’s nervously jittering. It- it’ll be fine, it’ll be totally and completely fi-

They come into a back room where Kai is in a chair and in handcuffs that are attached to the wall, forcing his hands above his head.

Jay glances over at Sentry. “Uh-“

“We have two timeout corners. This one is for the nindroids who cause trouble repeatedly. Or in this case, the ninja who does that.” He glares at Kai, but the red ninja looks utterly unapologetic.

“I need to rescue Zane. And you didn’t have to call someone to pick me up, I’m not some child in a school’s principal’s office.” Kai huffs, shifting in his bonds.

Jay starts to try and tell him that he’s totally acting like he’s just got his parents called in an office, but Sentry shakes his head, and speaks up.

“There’s a back door you can take him out so that he doesn’t get caught, but keep a better handle on him next time. We really don’t need him getting an actual prison sentence.”

Glancing at his boyfriend, Jay thinks for a moment, trying to figure out if he’d actually be able to get Kai out of here without being seen.

“I’m going to call Cole,” he decides, “he’ll be able to carry him out of here.”

“I can walk!” Kai protests, looking betrayed. “I don’t need to be carried-“

Sentry nods. “Probably a good idea. He might put up a fight on the way out.”

“I can hear you, you know! I’m right here.” Kai sounds annoyed and frustrated, and Jay sighs, feeling himself cave a little.

“It’s okay, Fire-Hazard. I’ll talk Nya out of murdering you, so long as you promise to actually stay on the ship this time.”

At his words, Kai pales a little. It’s clear he hadn’t thought about how his sister would react to him running off.

“I’ll behave.” He grumbles, clearly unhappy about it. “But I can’t just do nothing.”

With a start, Jay realizes that he’s right. The reason that he keeps doing stupid things is because he needs to be doing something to help- if he doesn’t, he’s going to feel like he’s failing Zane.

So they need to come up with something that he could work on, some way he could get them closer to freeing him.

Maybe if he was working on part of the plan…

Jay looks over at Sentry. “We’re looking for legal loopholes right now, right? Could he help you try and find some? From the computer on the ship, I mean.”

Kai perks up a little, and Sentry looks like he’s considering the idea.

“Will that keep him out of trouble?” He sounds hesitant, but Jay quickly nods.

“He just wants to help, give him a way to do that and he’ll be fine.”

The nindroid looks over at Kai. “Is he seriously going to be able to look through legal documents for longer than thirty seconds?” He sounds unamused, but he pauses again when he sees Kai’s determined expression.

“I looked through a ton of them to break in. I’ll do whatever it takes to get him out.”

After hesitating for only a moment longer, Sentry nods. “Alright,” he agrees, “I’ll send over some I haven’t gotten to yet.”

So Jay ends up only calling Cole so that he can let the others know that Jay found him, and Kai actually walks back without putting up a fuss.

It takes a bit of work to get him on the ship stealthily enough so that any potential cameras couldn’t see, but they manage it.

However, when they step onto the bridge, the three others look annoyed beyond belief.

After a pause, Kai chuckles nervously. “On a scale of one to ten, how much trouble am I in?”

“Eleven.” Nya’s smile expresses anything but happiness, and Cole and Lloyd look only slightly less upset.

Somehow, Jay manages to uphold his promise, talking Nya out of giving Kai some five hour lecture that would probably make him regret existing.

Lloyd grabs Stabby and re-attaches the house arrest bracelet, and it’s not long after that the red ninja is in front of the computer, having about seven files open that he’s comparing and researching.

Later, Cole comes up to him. “The research thing was good thinking; it’ll keep him distracted while still allowing him to help.”

Jay flashes him a smile. “What can I say? I actually have good ideas sometimes.”

Cole smirks. “That’s debatable.”

“You literally just told me that I had a good idea.” Jay reminds with his own grin.

With an overly thoughtful expression, Cole strokes his chin. “Did I? I don’t remember that.”

“Wow, and here I was with the idea that elephants never forget.” Jay snarks back, barely containing his snickers.

Mock gasping, Cole puts a hand over his chest. But as he starts to teasingly reply, his smile fades, and he looks down.

“... Zane loved mock arguments.” He murmurs softly, pain suddenly written on his face.

Jay feels his own cheerfulness drain a little. “It took a while to teach him how, but he got pretty good at them.” He quietly agrees as he remembers the difficulty Zane had used to have with humor.

“He got pretty good at them though.” Cole’s smile is more pained now, but it’s there.

With a soft chuckle, Jay nods. “Absolutely trashed us with them.”

But then the emotions are over taking him, and Jay feels himself shaking at the thought of his titanium boyfriend. Who knows what they’re doing to him, from Kai’s recount they’ve been outright torturing him, he-

Cole puts a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay.” He speaks softly, and his voice is uncertain, as though he’s not really sure of himself, even though it sounds like he’s trying to keep it steady.

Jay nods weakly, feeling tears burn at the back of his eyes. “It’ll be okay.” He repeats softly, desperately trying to believe the words.

In the end, Cole has to coax both him and Kai into bed with gentle reassurances and promises that he sounds slightly unsure of, but at this point, Jay’s too desperate to think about how he might be wrong.

He just wants Zane back… is that really too much to ask for?

Apparently, because it doesn’t seem that they’ll be getting him back anytime soon.

That night, even when cuddled in the arms of his other boyfriends, he cries himself to sleep.

Zane will be okay. He has to be okay.

Jay won’t be able to take it if he’s not.

#the rights of a nindroid #ninjago zangst #zangst #ninjago fanfiction #psychological torture #torture #trauma

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hermannsthumb · 4 years ago

Note

Idk if you doing requests or not rn buut, feriowind has been posting a bunch of vampire!Hermann and I needs some modern vampire Hermann and professor Newt...

uwu ily

SO I feel like I should open by saying a WIP fic with this concept by @coloredpencilroses exists and I Love it, so read High Stakes for something much better than this lol (and leave a nice comment). HAPPY OCTOBER!!!! warning for very mildly implied sexy stuff. EDIT: and of COURSE I forgot to tag @theloccent for my extremely belated fill for the “Vampire” square on my bingo card :/

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Newt has always been an extremely persistent type. He considers it, naturally, one his greatest strengths—no theory goes untested, no question goes unanswered, no experiment goes…well, unexperimented. You don’t get more PhDs than you can count on one hand if you’re not persistent. You don’t get a date with the hot new engineering professor down the hall if you’re not persistent, either, but Newt is finding this venture is taking a little more effort than usual. That’s fine, though. He likes challenges.

Dr. Gottlieb was hired by the university at the start of the semester, after the head of the engineering department—who’s nearing her seventies—finally decided she’d had enough and announced her retirement somewhat last minute. He is, frankly, unlike anyone Newt’s ever seen before, a weird combination of cheekbones, wide lips, and a turn-of-the-century old-fashioned air that carries over into everything from his wardrobe to the stiff way he carries himself. He wouldn’t look out of place in a black and white photograph, Newt thinks. Or maybe even the illustrations of a Dickens novel. That’s not why Newt’s into him, though—well, not the only reason why.

In the entire month and a half Gottlieb’s been here, he hasn’t spoken a single word to anyone his contract doesn’t require him to; when he is forced into conversation, he scowls and snaps and mumbles his way through before making a polite excuse as to why he needs to leave the room right now, immediately. No one knows anything about him other than the bare minimum—that his name is Dr. Gottlieb, he lectures in engineering, and he exists. Shit, Newt doesn’t even know his first name. The little plaque outside his office just says Gottlieb.

The mystery just makes Gottlieb all the more alluring to Newt.

Anyway, his continued failures in winning Gottlieb over aren’t a result of a lack of trying. On Gottlieb’s first day, Newt stopped by his office to introduce himself. He didn’t bother knocking. Maybe that was his first mistake. “I’m Newt,” he said. “My office is a few doors down from you. You’re the new department head?”

Gottlieb looked stricken, but he nodded. “Yes,” he said. He didn’t say anything else.

“Cool,” Newt said. “Anyway, I’m technically in the bio department, but I teach a few interdisciplinary courses with engineering, so I requested they stick me over here to get a bigger office.” He cracked a grin. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

“Hm,” Gottlieb said.

Newt tried again the next day.

“Your office is so dark,” he said, conversationally, because it was—lights all off, books stacked up everywhere, maroon drapes drawn tightly in front of the single small window. Dark and stuffy. “Feel free to stop by my office whenever you want a break from it. I have a corner one, so I have two windows.”

“I requested this office,” Gottlieb said, not looking up the article he was marking up.

Newt became desperate by his third attempt and did something that’s left him burning with shame even now, weeks later, and that would probably warrant the immediate transfers of sleep-deprived engineering majors out of all his courses if word ever got out it was him: he deliberately broke the department coffee machine. “Man, I can’t believe that thing is busted again,” he declared to Gottlieb. “Good thing I have a Keurig in my office.” Newt had gone out and purchased a Keurig immediately before destroying the coffee pot. “Seriously, come by whenever you need caffeine.”

Gottlieb blinked at him, long and slow, and Newt had the strangest sense that he knew exactly what happened to the coffee pot. “I never drink… coffee,” Gottlieb finally said.

For all Newt’s troubles, the list of things he knows about Gottlieb has expanded by two pitiful points: that his accent is English and posh, and his voice is low and sexy. Helpful.

It’s a chilly day in late October when Newt finally decides to enlist the aid of his interdisciplinary undergrads. Some of them—he learned after poking around their registration records—have a seminar with Gottlieb, and they seem his best bet at learning anything. A spouse—a first name—Newt would take Gottlieb’s favorite color, even. “So,” he starts class, unwinding his scarf off his neck, “that Dr. Gottlieb sure is weird, huh?”

In Newt’s firsthand experience, undergrads love to gossip about their professors, and his certainly don’t disappoint. Gottlieb’s classes are all held in the basement of the engineering building. All run well into the evening, after the sun’s set—most not finished until nine—and Gottlieb hustles out of the lecture hall the moment he can. He walks with a cane and a slight limp. He always dresses like that. He’s never mentioned any sort of family, and wears no wedding ring. He’s scary good at math. No one knows his first name.

“You’ve been an invaluable help,” Newt tells them all seriously.

He mulls the new information over in his office later as he grades some tests. So Gottlieb is a bit of shy, reclusive, genius. No surprise there. Well, his apparent hatred of sunlight is kind of weird (if unsurprising, given how pale he is) but maybe he just has sensitive eyes or something. Who is Newt to judge? At least he knows how to improve his next plan of attack—he just has to ask the guy to come over and sit in a dark room in silence with him. That’s probably Gottlieb’s dream date, actually.

There’s a knock on Newt’s office door. Newt looks up and drops his pen: it’s Gottlieb.

“Uh. Hey, dude!” he squeaks, unsure of how to proceed in this entirely unfamiliar territory. Gottlieb, willingly interacting with him? Willingly leaving his office? “Is there…can I help you with something? Did you want that coffee after all?”

“Most definitely not,” Gottlieb says coolly. He’s standing far enough back from the door that not a single sliver of lamp light from Newt’s office hits him, instead shrouded by the shadows of the dark engineering department. Newt didn’t realize how late it had gotten. “My students informed me that you were interrogating them about me.”

It’s not a question. Newt is struck by a wave of nervousness that he doesn’t quite understand—maybe it’s the sour expression Gottlieb is giving him, something in those dark brown eyes that are piercing through Newt. He feels, foolishly and briefly, like cowering under his desk. He swallows. “Yes,” he says, and adds, stammering, “I mean—I wasn’t interrogating them. I was just asking a few questions.”

“Why?” Gottlieb says.

“Uh,” Newt says. “I guess I was…curious, about you?”

He works up the guts to look Gottlieb in the eyes; he sees Gottlieb’s eyebrows jump the tiniest fraction of an inch. “You’re attracted to me,” Gottlieb says, another non-question, though Newt hears a flicker of surprise.

“Yeah,” Newt admits.

“I see,” Gottlieb says. Then, to Newt’s surprise, he suddenly smiles. “I’d like if you invited me over for dinner, Dr. Geiszler.”

“Dinner,” Newt says. He feels strangely dizzy; but, shaking himself, he quickly gets over it. “I mean, dinner! Yes! Shit! When?”

“Tonight, I should think,” Hermann says.

Tonight is Friday, which means they don’t have work tomorrow. By the time they make it off campus it’ll be almost ten—way later than people eat dinner—and besides, Newt already had a sandwich at around seven. Is dinner a euphemism? Is Gottlieb propositioning him? God, why didn’t he wash his sheets with the laundry this week? “Tonight,” Newt says. He stands up abruptly and grabs his leather jacket with trembling fingers. Why is he trembling? Nerves, he guesses. He’s about to hook up with total hottie Dr. Gottlieb, he’s allowed to be nervous. “Fuck yes. Let’s go now.”

Gottlieb is not impressed with the messy state of Newt’s apartment, and even less impressed with the state of Newt’s refrigerator and freezer. “Dinosaur chicken nuggets and canned Lime-A-Ritas,” he says with a sniff. “Hm. You ought to be getting more vitamins, Dr. Geiszler. I’m certain you’re deficient in something.”

“You sound like my dad,” Newt snorts. He throws his car keys on the counter and shrugs off his jacket. “There’s some leftover Chinese on the second shelf if you want it—just some lo mein. Or I could put a frozen pizza in the oven. Or I guess we could order something too?”

Gottlieb shuts the fridge door delicately. “How kind of you to offer,” he says. He doesn’t sound like he means it. Newt is suddenly struck by how bizarre a sight he is in the midst of Newt’s chaotic kitchen: buttoned up to the throat with his stupid shirt and blazer, prodding at the fraying lime lizard-shaped rug by the sink with the end of his ornately-handled cane. Out of time and out of place.

“It’s Newt,” Newt says. “Please don’t call me Dr. Geiszler, it makes me feel ancient.”

“Hm,” Gottlieb says.

“And what,” Newt says, deciding to test his luck a little, “uh—what should I call you?”

Gottlieb considers him. “Hermann,” he says.

The name rings a bell in the back of Newt’s head. He swears he’s heard it somewhere before—an article, maybe. A book. Has he stumbled across Dr. Gottlieb’s research before without even realizing it? He’s on the verge of asking what publications Gottlieb’s been featured in when Gottlieb suddenly snags hold of his hand; then, raising it to his mouth, he kisses it. His lips are as cold as his skin. “Would you like to show me to your quarters, Newton?” he murmurs.

Newt shivers; he nods.

“Hermann Gottlieb,” Newt says aloud later, while Hermann redresses himself. “Now I know where I’ve heard that name before.”

“Yes?” Hermann says. He’s lacing up one of his Oxfords.

“I worked with his research in one of my dissertations,” Newt says. “Another Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, I mean. He was a brilliant mathematician from—God, 1830-something. German. His work was groundbreaking for the time, or shit, for our time, too.” He remembers seeing a portrait of that Hermann Gottlieb in one of his sources; the whole of the similarities between him and Newt’s Hermann Gottlieb (the dark eyes, the mouth, the cheekbones) are a little too much to be entirely coincidental. “You must be related to him, right? Like, he’s your great-great-great—”

“Yes,” Hermann cuts him off quickly. He turns to Newt and smiles. “A distant ancestor, certainly. I believe you are the first in some time to have made that connection.”

“Always thought he was cool,” Newt yawns. “Man, I’m tired.” The romp with Hermann had been fun, if not unexpectedly exhausting, and a little…out of the ordinary. The dude apparently has some sort of weird biting kink that left Newt’s neck stinging a little bit, but it’s cool, Newt doesn’t mind. It was like boning a vampire or something. Kinda hot. “Do you need me to show you to the door, or can I just stay here? I’m serious about spending the night though. I really don’t mind.”

Hermann fiddles with the laces of his other shoe, then, slowly, draws the whole thing back off. “If it’s not an imposition,” he says, and smiles again, shyly. “Though, I warn you—I’m a bit of a late sleeper.”

“Good, so I am,” Newt says. “Could you toss me the sweatshirt hanging on that chair? You can grab one for yourself too, if you’re cold, I’ve got another hanging in the closet. No, not--yeah, that door.”

They dip under the covers and get cozy, Newt taking on the task of big spoon, because Hermann is a cold sonofabitch and could use a little insulation. The last thought on his mind before he drifts off to a comfortable sleep is how strange it is he can’t feel Hermann’s heartbeat—though, he realizes, it’s probably just muffled by their clothing.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous

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maybankiara · 4 years ago

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PHONE SWAP (DREW STARKEY)

10: BAD DAY, HUH?

summary: Addie Mallory is just your average economics student when she meets Drew Starkey at her local Target in Atlanta. This is where the story is supposed to end – a short meeting and a picture to go – except Drew accidentally leaves with the wrong phone, and the story begins, instead.

w/c: 3k

a/n: ah. the bittersweet taste of our own flaws. -- probably addie in this chapter tbh. basically marianne being very british and making addie Question Everything, as best friends do

read on wattpad

previous part | series masterlist

Virgin Mary | 3:47pm so the gang is planning a night out this week, you free saturday?

Me | 5:07pm why this saturday? Me | 5:07pm is it someone’s birthday?? Me | 5:07pm pls say no

Virgin Mary | 5:08pm Tom’s is in two weeks and you better not forget that

Me | 5:08pm ffs marianne i won’t

Virgin Mary | 5:09pm you better not bitch I need your help with the present Virgin Mary | 5:09pm can’t give my boy anything less than perfection

Me | 5:10pm wow what a way to not put pressure in your about-to-burst-from-stress friend

Virgin Mary | 5:11pm you mean my overdramatic friend? Virgin Mary | 5:11pm get your hole and you’ll be fine

Me | 5:11pm MARIANNE

Virgin Mary | 5:12pm BITCH WHAT Virgin Mary | 5:12pm you need to shag Virgin Mary | 5:12pm when’s the last time you got your hole

Me | 5:13pm I’m busy okay i don’t want a boyfriend rn

Virgin Mary | 5:14pm so that’s totally why I’ve been hearing about Holden for the past three months 👀

Me | 5:15pm you do realise we work at the same place right Me | 5:15pm i can’t just hook up with a guy i have to see every day for at least 8 hours

Virgin Mary | 5:16pm fucking hell you’re a tuff nut

Me | 5:17pm go make me some tea pls Me | 5:17pm I’m home in 20 and I’ve got some late emails

Virgin Mary | 5:17pm whatever bitch Virgin Mary | 5:18pm you’re a freaking workaholic Virgin Mary | 5:18pm shag Holden

Me | 5:19pm shut up Me | 5:19pm ur blocked ❤

Virgin Mary | 5:20pm so are you free on saturday or not? Virgin Mary | 5:33pm ur cancelled❤

◇

The music coming from their apartment is loud enough that Addie hears it as she walks up the staircase. She can’t distinguish the song, but the beat’s there, and she’s either imagining Marianne singing along, or it’s actually happening. One is just as likely as the other.

It gets louder when Addie walks through the door, and she figures it’s safe to assume it’s her friend rather than her imagination. The door closes behind her, sound swallowed by whatever rock song Marianne is blasting through the speaker – this is what Addie is used to.

She leaves her purse on the drawer at the side of the hallway, one that’s filled with trinkets they’ve got nowhere else to put, and she hangs the raincoat right next to it. Her shoes are the next to come off – the loss of the three inches that the burgundy platforms come with comes as soon as she steps out of them. Her feet are grounding her on the floor, now, and a moment’s break is all she gives herself. It’s peace after a tedious day of relentless work; it’s the calm from the scent of cinnamon candles, Earl Grey tea, and the dish Marianne is making that smells very Italian – this feels like home.

Addie makes her way to the kitchen. Her roommate is singing her heart out to music coming from the speaker on the round table, stirring whatever’s in the pot in front of her. Marianne doesn’t notice her come in, so Addie walks over to the speaker and tunes it down, low enough for them to talk.

‘Honey, I’m home!’

Marianne turns around with a big smile on her face. Her ginger hair is pulled into a high ponytail, loose from what Addie assumes must’ve been a kitchen concert. This is paired with sweats and a loose crop top, and Marianne’s demeanour is enough to tell her she’s ready to tackle the weekend ahead of them.

‘Honey, welcome home’’ She points behind Addie. ‘There’s your tea. I’m making lasagna and it’ll be ready in about half an hour.’

‘Shit, I've actually been craving that today.'

The girl goes back to stirring the pot, swaying her hips to the tune of the music. ‘Sixth sense, Addie. Bruce Willis had it right.’

‘I told you that movie creeps me out!’

‘It’s a masterpiece and you’re a pussy.’

Instead of a reply, Addie huffs with an eye roll, taking a sip from the cup. It’s midnight blue with a quote from one of the books Marianne likes, imported straight from the British Isles. The colour is faded on the holding part of the mug, but it remains the girl’s favourite mug despite a variety of prettier, newer mugs she’s acquired over the time.

Marianne is simple. She’s got things she loves and doesn’t stray from that.

They chat for a bit, Marianne preparing the lasagna to go into the oven and Addie drinking her tea. Addie learns that the firm Marianne is interning for has gotten a new project for a family home on the outskirts of Atlanta and the interns are being allowed to try out their hand at designing it, and the firm will end up critiquing their work and possibly giving one of them the chance to have their design turned into reality.

It’s an exciting thing – the most Marianne has gotten in the past three months of working there.

The lasagna is put into the oven and Addie announces her shower time, and promises Marianne she better tell her about her day after she scrubbed off all that reminds her of the office. Taking her contact lenses out and getting into the shower after a long day is the one feeling Addie cherishes more than just the arrival home in itself. Her showers are long, with steam rising and fogging up the blurred glass sides of the shower and the mirror in the bathroom.

When she gets out of the bathroom, she’s wearing an outfit that mirrors her roommate’s. Her hair’s wet and wrapped into an old T-shirt, basking in a curl-defining product she got the other day. She’s got a facemask on, too, and Marianne sighs at the sight of it.

‘Bad day, huh?’

Addie walks up to the counter beside the oven, taking out some cutlery and begins to set the table. ‘I envy you. All your bosses are so self-absorbed that they don’t even notice you guys. Mine are self-absorbed and narcissistic, so we get all the work nobody can be fucked with.’

Marianne taps on the table with the fork she’s just been given. ‘No swearing, missy.’

The brunette raises an eyebrow, trying to figure out if her roommate is joking. Then she remembers her resolution from a few days ago -- “I will swear less because I’m not a fucking sailor.” “That’s a quarter in the jar, Miss.”

‘Whatever,’ mutters Addie. She places the last of the dishes on the table and plops into the chair across from her roommate, resting her head in her hands. ‘I’m so tired of Harrington. The divorce isn’t going well because his ex has actually got a brain, which he hadn’t anticipated, and now he’s literally just throwing the worst shit at us. And to complete it, Patty is just being her regular cruel self.’

‘That’s horrible.’ Marianne scrunches her nose. ‘That’s also three quarters now.’

‘I’m allowed to say shit!’

‘Well, you’re the one who decided to swear less.’

‘Saying shit isn’t swearing. It’s basically a normal word.’

The look Marianne gives her is full of friendly scorn. Addie sighs and fishes three quarters out of her wallet that’s on the table—she can’t believe saying “shit” alone cost her two quarters—and throws them into the jar that's on the part of the table closest to the wall. There’s hardly anything in it, but Addie reckons that’s more because of the fact that she’s hardly both home and awake anymore, as opposed to her not swearing a lot.

Marianne walks over to the oven, checking the lasagna. She pulls the door open and hot air fills the small space, alongside the smell of a beautifully done Italian dish – or Addie is just really hungry.

‘Patty made Holden and I work on a budget plan for some Grubson’s subdivision upstate. We did budgeting. He majored in finance and I majored in economics and we’re doing damn accounting.’

‘You’re interning for a law firm,’ notes Marianne, putting oven mittens on. ‘You shouldn’t expect to do exactly what you want to do.’

Addie’s lip curls into a bitter grin. Her friend is right, and she knows it and she hates that this is what her career has come to -- wasting her actual talents because the industry is shitty as it is. She’s got to put in triple the effort her white male colleagues do, and even then, her brilliance is hardly registered.

The lasagna is on the table. Marianne gives each of them a piece and Addie fills their glasses with some Coca Cola-ripoff they got at Tesco. The music from the speaker changes to something more dinner-appropriate.

‘This looks delicious, Marianne.’

‘It better be. Took me nearly three damn hours.’

Both girls blow on their slice before taking it, and both of them still end up having to half-blow through the food while it’s in their mouths, bursting into laughter as they watch one another struggle.

‘I don’t know what’s your excuse,’ says Addie, having finally swallowed the piece, ‘but mine is that I’m absolutely starving.’

Marianne pretends to chuck some food at her. ‘My excuse is that I invested a lot of time in this.’

‘Fair. It’s amazing.’

At this, the girl beams with happiness, and Addie can’t hold back a smile even as she struggles through the heat of another piece, her stomach grumbling.

‘Anyway, it’s shit. It got so bad today that I ended up spending nearly all of my time with Holden— No, hush, I’m not having it— Seriously, Marianne, we’re literally work colleagues!’ Addie sighs in exasperation, one finger raised in the last effort at getting her friend to stop nagging her about her colleague.

Marianne pouts, then gives away an innocent shrug. ‘All I’m saying is that there’s something there.’

All Addie can do is roll her eyes and focus on the plate in front of her. Her fork pierces through the lasagna with a little too much force than warranted, and the brunette concludes that’s enough to show how irritated Marianne got her.

Despite her hardest attempts at denying it, Marianne’s kind of got a point. Addie’s been at the internship for over three months now and it’s not like she has gotten close with anyone – at least, not enough to call them friends. Her career and education have always taken the priority over friends and temporary relationships, and it’s never hurt her in any way. Sure, she might’ve been lonely from time to time, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t end up with great friends, regardless.

With the internship and a Master’s degree to work on, Addie doesn’t really have time for personal connections that won’t last.

Addie shakes the thought out of her head. The lasagna bit is steaming in her mouth and Marianne rolls her eyes, but it eases the tension between the two.

‘There’s nothing between us, Marianne,’ says Addie, once her mouth isn’t burning anymore. ‘We’re a good team. Patty and Harrington noticed that we get more done than any other teams.’

‘So there’s work chemistry. You don’t have that with just about every other person, Addie. Especially not you.’

Especially not Addie, who likes to have her work done at specific times of the day, filing it in a specific way, handling her responsibility like a drop of water. Again, Marianne’s got a point.

‘Plus, he’s pretty good looking.’

The memory of showing Marianne pictures of Holden makes her chuckle. ‘You flipped out. I was scared for Tom.’

‘Please,’ scoffs Marianne, waving her hand. ‘There’s no one better than Tom. But after I spent a whole month listening to how well you’re getting on with this Holden guy, how much better it’s to work with him than other people, how much he’s helped you join the group… How else was I supposed to react when I found out that he’s a hot piece of blonde-hair blue-eyes?’

‘I just…’ Addie’s fork moves some of the lasagna around the plate. ‘I don’t know. I didn’t want you to think he’s hot.’

Marianne huffs. ‘All I’m saying is, don’t write him off.’

‘I’m not writing him off. I just don’t have the time to focus on anything romantic right now.’

‘That’s bullshit and you know it.’ Marianne finishes the last of her slice and puts her fork down, leaning back in the chair. ‘Addie, you’re the most organised person I know. You never have a problem making it to any of the things our group organises, so why do you always say you don’t have time to hang out with people from work?’

For a few moments, the only sounds in the kitchen/dining area are whatever’s coming out of the speaker, Addie’s work scratching the bottom of the plate, and her chewing.

She knows Marianne’s got a point, again. It’s starting to annoy her.

‘Things are good the way they are,’ she finally says, the admission heavy across her lips. ‘I get closer to any of them, it’ll become more difficult to point out what they’ve done wrong, or do my own work if I want to know about their day. It’s already difficult enough with Holden, and we’re just friends.’

‘That’s different. You want to shag him.’

‘I don’t—’

‘Are you seriously trying to deny the fact that you’re attracted to someone who looks like a damn nineties movie star?’

Addie grunts, burying her face in her hands. ‘Fine. He’s hot.’

There’s a pregnant pause and when she finally dares look at Marianne, the girl has a tired smile on her face. She knows this look -- a combination of I told you so and I could be your therapist, you don’t need to pay for one.

‘What.’

Marianne taps her hand, her smile widening. ‘I know your career means a lot to you, but you’ve got to loosen up. You’re going to burn out.’

‘Everybody burns out.’

‘Yeah, but you’re gonna do it at, like, thirty.’

Not dignifying this with a response, Addie rises to her feet, taking her plate and Marianne’s, then stacks the cutlery on top. She’s acutely aware of Marianne waiting for a reaction, even if she doesn’t want to give her one. Instead, she gets to washing the dishes. Running water drowns out the tension easily enough for it to slip into the back of her mind.

She hears Marianne’s chair let out a squeak a moment later. Her ginger hair appears in the corner of Addie’s eye, and she sees her put the uneaten half of the lasagna into the fridge, wrapped up in aluminium foil. When finished, Marianne rests against the counter with the small of her back.

Neither of the girls says anything. Addie is trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach that’s trying to convince her Marianne is right.

She sets the washes dishes aside, letting them air dry on the dish rack.

‘All I meant was that you could go out with them, for a change, not turn your life upside down,’ says Marianne. ‘Just think about it.’

Addie presses her lips together. ‘Okay. I’ll think about it.’

‘Great! Anyway, you need to come out with us on Saturday. Leanne spent fifteen minutes of our coffee date today just freaking out over the fact that you met Drew Starkey.’ A beat. ‘She binged Outer Banks yesterday.’

‘I can’t believe my life is finally interesting to you guys.’ Addie puts away the last of the dishes and wipes her hands with a kitchen towel, smiling. ‘All it took was meeting an actor.’

Marianne pushes herself up on the counter, grinning like a fox. ‘It’s not just that you met him, Addie. It’s been three months and you still talk.’

‘Not really. We haven’t talked in’—she counts the days in her head—‘about two weeks.’

‘Oh, so you haven’t talked since he read your essay and shared it to his hundreds of thousands of followers and said how much he liked it?’

‘Nope.’

The sigh Marianne lets out is pure exasperation. Addie walks out of the kitchen and the girl follows suit, bringing the speaker along. Both of them plop on the couch as they usually do for half an hour after dinner, before going each to their own studying sessions. Deciding to room with Marianne, who’s currently also doing an internship and a Master’s degree (in architecture), was one of the best decisions Addie has ever made.

Except for the times when Marianne is awfully nosy for a Brit – must be the French part of her.

With her legs criss-crossed and an arm draped over the back of the couch, Marianne is in her element. ‘That is not your average celebrity interaction.’

‘I know.’

‘So you’re telling me you’re not trying to get on that?’

‘On what?’ asks Addie, feeling her irritation levels steadily rising again. ‘Jesus, Marianne. I’m not trying to get with every guy who’s good-looking and nice to me. We share some opinions on social media and whatnot, he agreed with them. It’s not that big of a deal.’

‘So you’re saying you wouldn’t shag him if you had the chance?’

Addie looks away. Her cheeks are hot and body is on fire, and she’s had more than enough of Marianne’s attitude today, and that’s on top of already having had a pretty fucking shitty day in the first place.

‘You can’t be ser—’

‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’

She grabs her phone and, absentmindedly, checks her Instagram notifications – none. The feeling in her stomach intensifies and she opens up her work group chat instead, and curses herself for hoping that maybe there’d be a specific person in her messages.

Maybe Marianne isn’t that far off.

◇

11: WELCOME TO MY LIFE

tagging. @jjmaybanksbaby @taiter-tots @sacredto @snkkat @drewswannabegirl @yeslifeofateen @rudypnkw @stfukie @x-lulu @sacredto @drewstarkey @butgilinsky @solllaris @hyperactive2411 @chasefreakinstokes @surferkie @jroseron @k-k0129 @starlightstories

#drew starkey #drew starkey fic #outer banks #obx #phone swap series

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1139

1 - What's your favourite TV show that was released before you were born? What is it that got you into that show in the first place? My parents introduced me to Perfect Strangers when I was 10 since they both grew up watching and enjoying the show - it came out in 1986 and ended in 1993. I love it mostly for the dynamic of Larry and Balki, which was really the whole point of the series. Then there’s also Friends, which first came out in 1994. It’s my comfort show for years to come and it’ll always be a series I’ll come back to whenever I need a pick-me-up.

2 - What is your preferred brand and flavour of ice-cream? I usually just stick to Selecta and I always get cookies and cream. Sometimes I’ll spoil myself and get Ben and Jerry’s and get whatever flavor that has cookie dough.

3 - When's the last time you got something in your eye? Can’t remember the last time I either cried or felt irritated with something in my eye.

4 - When was the last time someone got you flowers and what was the occasion? I’m not so sure. It was two or three years ago, I think. I don’t get to receive flowers or bouquets often, and especially not these days.

5 - What are your plans for tomorrow? Are these normal for that particular day of the week or are you doing something out of the ordinary? It was such a draining work week so I wanna use the free time this weekend to relax; but since I’m a bit of a workaholic I might also end up finding some time to do some work on the side just to feel productive hahah. I can’t go out either since we’re experiencing another spike in Covid cases - we’re reaching 7000 new cases a day - and stay-at-home orders and curfews are in place everywhere again, so I’ll just have to make the most of my time at home this weekend.

6 - What will you be eating for your next meal? Depends on what my mom is making for dinner, but I’m guessing another pasta dish...it’s Friday, though, and I usually allot this day to have food delivered in the evening as a reward to myself for finishing the week strong heheh. I got a spicy tuna salad and sushi again :)

7 - Who was the last person to pay you a compliment? How did you come to know that person? Andi, I think. We met at an anti-Marcos rally three years ago. They were carrying a big-ass guitar and I approached them because I liked their wrestling shirt.

8 - When is the last time the weather changed your plans? What were your plans and what did you end up doing instead? That would be last November, when we were in the middle of a bad typhoon and I had to file an emergency leave because we had a village-wide power outage and it kept me from being readily available for work. I made plans to a nearby mall to get wi-fi, but our village was seriously flooded so there was no way out. I had no choice but to begrudgingly file the leave even though I really wanted to attend work lol.

9 - What's your favourite kind of liquor? Do you prefer it "plain", flavoured or in a mixer? Tequila. Preferably as straight shots, because I like having a good time lmao.

10 - Who was the last person you spoke to via video call? Did you speak to this person via video before the pandemic hit? My workplace doesn’t really make it a norm to turn on our videos unless we’re pitching to or speaking with clients who prefer video calls. But I did just come from a Google Meet (albeit just using audio) this afternoon to present a deck and that call was with my co-workers and the clients we were presenting to. And no, I wasn’t even employed before the pandemic so other than Bea, I’ve never met any of the people in the call in person.

11 - Are you someone who prefers routine or spontaneity? I thrive on routine, but I also like it spiked with the occasional spontaneity.

12 - What streaming services (if any) are you subscribed to? Do you think they're good value for money? Just Netflix and Spotify. Yeah, I’d say both are good deals, especially Spotify.

13 - When was the last time you struggled to get to sleep? What did you do to help things? I’m not so sure, actually. I have no problem passing out these days lol. If I do have trouble falling asleep, I usually remedy it by watching YouTube videos or take a survey until my eyes feel tired.

14 - How often do you get your five a day? What was the last fruit or veggie that you ate? I’ve never heard of that concept...anyway, I looked it up and it has something to do with having a good amount of fruits and veggies per day. In any case, I had eggplants in my dinner tonight.

15 - How do you take your coffee? 3-in-1, so that it’s already made and blended well for me lmaaaaao. If I’m ordering at a coffee shop, I like sweeter flavors; I never take mine black.

16 - Is there anything that you're currently putting off? When do you think you'll finally get round to doing it? Getting new frames for my eyeglasses and an updated prescription along with it. Idk man, it just seems pointless to book an appointment for the meantime since I’m never out and I can manage during my workdays without glasses anyway. With another strict lockdown order in place, idk when I’ll ever get around to setting an appointment.

17 - When was the last time you watched a Disney film? Which one was it and is it one of your favourites? I have no idea, it’s definitely been a while.

18 - What was the last household chore you completed? Is this something you do regularly? Just cleaned out the tray underneath Cooper’s playpen since it had some food crumbs and some of his fur. Yeah, I do it every night.

19 - Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? Angela, Hans, Pia, Kyelle, Al, Gab, and Sam.

20 - Have you had your COVID vaccine yet? If not, are you going to accept it when you're offered? No, not yet. My workplace booked a bulk order for one of the vaccines - though I can’t remember which one - and we should be getting it in a few months or so.

21 - Do you have any pets and how many? If not, would you like to have one someday? I have two dogs. I’ve always wanted dogs, so I’m okay for now.

22 - What's the most unusual meat you've ever eaten? Did you like it? Carabao meat. It was fine, not horrid-tasting or anything, but I wouldn’t have it again. The one I had felt very hastily made, apart from smelling and tasting very farm-y.

23 - Do you prefer still or sparkling water and why? Still. I don’t like carbonated stuff period, so I doubt I’d enjoy sparkling water.

24 - Do you own a car? If so, could you live your current lifestyle without one? If you don't have one, would having one change your life in any way? My parents technically own it because they bought it, but it was designated for me. I mean I’d obviously survive without a car, but I’d find it very inconvenient. Booking a Grab every time would be so costly, and I’m not willing to try out our public transport anyway because they’ve been constantly terrible with disinfection and sanitation protocols throughout the pandemic.

25 - Who was the last person you made plans with and what are you going to do? Andi; we made plans to have our thesis printed and bound so that we can finally put a close to our college life hahaha. We just have to figure out a date and I also have to remove Gabie from my acknowledgments.

26 - What's the worst kind of physical pain you've ever experienced? Is this a one-off or is it something you experience regularly? Accidentally ripping my earring off my piercing was a fucking thrill I’d never want to go through again.

27 - What's your favourite length for a survey to be? Do you get put off if surveys are longer or shorter than you like? Anywhere between 35-80 questions is fine. Anything else would be too short or long. I’ll occasionally give long surveys a pass since it’s easy to take breaks in between, but I ignore short ones altogether.

28 - What colours are you wearing at the moment? Are any of those colours your favourite? I have a multi-colored striped top on and a scarlet pair of shorts. And no, I’m not wearing any pink rn.

29 - Once you've found a TV show you like, do you tend to watch it over and over again? What was the last TV programme you watched for the second or third time? Not with all shows - like I haven’t revisited BoJack Horseman after completing it the first time. I’ve been like this with Friends and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, though.

30 - When was the last time you cried and what was the reason for it? Do you feel better now? No idea when but it was probably from a heartwarming video.

#survey #surveys

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stxphxn-strange · 5 years ago

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i want to start posting from my ironstrange college au (remember the makeup fic i posted in like november? i’ll link it below but it’s from that verse) so! let me explain it:

reminder that this is an au and it’s my au, so i decide how this all goes!

Ships:

IronStrange (duh)

ThorBruce

Valcarol

Sambucky

Christine x Hope Van Dyne* (this gets complicated)

Eventual Pristine

Past Stony, Past Stucky

(Lowkey I’m also figuring out if Rhodey x T’challa could be a ship? they both seem too independent but i also might add it in)

Character Notes:

Tony deliberately never specifies if he prefers to go by Anthony or Tony. People call him both, or also his friends call him Ant. Stephen does not/has never called him Tony, he’s always known him as Anthony.

Happy just tends to go by H or Harry (anyone who calls him Harold receives a death glare, but as a joke Rhodey got him a T-shirt and the pattern is just name tags that say “hello my name is Harold.”)

Rhodey just goes by Rhodey bc Tony *insisted* that all their friends call him that and plus he doesn’t hate the nickname.

Natasha is part of this but she doesn’t go to school with the rest of the group. She’s Tony’s half sister and is the biological daughter of Maria Stark and her best friend. She lives in Italy with some of Tony’s extended family and her bio dad. Few people know of her existence, or they know her as Maria’s niece (for her own protection). It doesn’t rly matter that Howard has no idea who she rly is, he wasn’t with her the entire time Maria was pregnant w Natasha bc she was in Italy (and brought Tony with her)

Roommates:

- Tony and Rhodey are roommates, and they live two floors above the four suitemates. The four suitemates are: Christine and Pepper (who share a room) and Stephen and Wong (who share the other room) despite that, the six of them tend to move fluidly in between both spaces.

- Hela and Carol

- Val and Hope

- Thor and T’challa (Bruce spends a lot of time w them)

- Bruce, Sam, and Loki (as chaotic as it sounds btw)

- Bucky and Happy, who I’ve decided are very close. (btw nobody particularly enjoys the fact that Sam and Bucky live next door to each other, when they’re Busy their roommates can be found w Stephen and Co. or one of the other Odinson siblings).

Friend Groups (note: people overlap/belong to multiple groups, this is also not the full list bc that could go on for a long time):

- The Main Six: Tony, Rhodey, Stephen, Wong, Christine, and Pepper.

- Team Big Brain: Tony, Bruce, Stephen, Hope, Carol, Christine, and Bucky.

- Doctors: Stephen, Tony, Christine, and Bruce.

- Dumbass Protection Squad: Hela, T’Challa, Carol, Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper (usually).

- Psych Majors: Pepper, Wong, T’Challa and Loki.

- Stark Industries: Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy.

- People who Like Astrology: Loki, Bucky, Val, sometimes Christine.

Storylines (There’s no established time frame for this really, but it doesn’t follow mcu canon or any canon):

- Stephen and Tony are lifelong friends. They met on the first day of kindergarten and went to school together in NY (where both their families lived at the time) until middle school. For unspecified reasons, Stephen’s parents opted to move the Strange family to Nebraska before the start of 6th grade. Stephen and Tony were Devastated but were already inseparable at that point and stayed in touch. A business opportunity moved the Starks from NY to California. Stephen stayed in Nebraska for high school but Tony’s parents sent him to boarding school (read: Howard sent him away to avoid having to actually parent, and he thought he was lifting a burden from Maria. This was Not The Case, as she loved her son dearly and would call him everyday. Tony appreciated this more than he ever thought possible.)

- Howard and Stane viewed boarding school as a chance to groom Tony into something malleable and submissive enough to take orders from anyone. His obvious feelings for Stephen (with whom he was still incredibly close) were a Great Concern, so the executive decision was made to set Tony up with Steve Rogers, a blond athlete from his school. It was a way to keep Tony’s sexuality controlled, and Howard didn’t think Stephen was anywhere close to the level he wanted Tony to be (of course, Howard didn’t think his son lived up to his expectations anyway. It was more about control). On the surface, Steve was sweet and everything you could want in a partner, and he even charmed Maria into liking him. She genuinely believed he’d be a good match for her son, so it hurt when she found out what he was really like. Rhodey was Tony’s boarding school roommate for all four (4) years. They met and hit it off overnight, Rhodey instantly feeling brotherly love and the need to protect Tony (or “Tones” as he called him. Rhodey is usually the only one to call him that). Rhodey and Steve did Not see eye to eye on anything, least of all how Tony should be treated. Steve was terrible to him, and Rhodey’s heart broke when Tony admitted he was too scared to break up with him.

- Reenter Stephen. After a particularly bad day, Tony called Maria and Stephen sobbing, missing the two (2) people he talked to more than anyone except maybe Rhodey. It was then he confessed what kind of boyfriend Steve was, and Maria gasped before saying, “Dump him. Let me handle the rest.” That very day, Stephen left school early and traveled to see Tony. It was 2am when he finally arrived, throwing rocks at the window and then scaling the side of the building once he had Tony’s attention. Stephen and Rhodey met the next morning, when Rhodey came back from classes and found his roommate asleep him.

- “So you’re the one who climbed in through my window,” Rhodey said. “For a good reason, I assume.” Stephen confessed it was because he loved Tony and wanted to be there for him, didn’t want him to hurt. (It’s fair to say, though, that Stephen visited before/Tony went to visit him, and they’d spent secret time together over the summers). Tony, believing himself incapable of love, didn’t reject Stephen’s confession but assumed it was only love between friends. The summer before they all left for college (Rhodey, originally from Texas, was also going to school in NY with Tony and Stephen. NY was a big part of who they both were, and they both dreamed of studying there together), they finally started dating at Maria Stark’s motherly demand.

- This demand came a short time before Howard and Maria died, and it also came with admissions of guilt and lots of tears. “I was wrong about Rogers,” she said. “You don’t have to accept what I say or forgive me, but I know Stephen is the right one for you. I think I’ve always known.” (No shit, everyone knew) Knowong she was genuinely sorry, Tony forgave her not knowing that she would die a few months later.

- Most of this canon I’ve created takes place starting in their junior year of college, so everyone has gotten to know each other quite well. I’m sure the more I write from this the more I’ll flesh out relationships between certain characters, but one I want to mention is that Tony and Bucky are very close and co-presidents of the “I Dumped Steve Rogers for Peace of Mind” club. Steve goes to college in the next state/a little further north (that’s as specific as it’ll get for now) and dated Bucky the group’s freshman year. Tony didn’t know any of this until Bucky brought him over one day, and after they (Tony and Bucky) had a talk about the way Steve is as a partner, Bucky realized some things and dumped Steve. He remains angry at them both, especially Tony, from a short distance away which terrifies Tony.

- Sam and Bucky kissed for the first time at a truth or dare night Thor and T’Challa hosted in the group’s sophomore year. After they kissed (Sam initiated) they both shyly admitted feelings for each other.

*Now here’s where things get a little dicey. I started this au with Christine and Hope together for no particular reason, maybe they were on a club sports team together and started dating from there? But Pepper fell in love w Christine at first sight, and it got worse and worse the more they got to know each other. Much like Stephen and Tony, they’re the kind of people who meet each other and just click, even if the eventual path to Pristine involves lots of tears and jealousy for Pepper that Stephen never really experienced. He didn’t feel jealous of Tony and Steve’s relationship, because he wasn’t at boarding school with Tony and there wasn’t much he could do. But as a supportive and concerned (and honest but kind) friend, he was always encouraging and there to listen to Tony. Is Pepper going to be as good of a friend to Christine as Stephen was to Tony while Christine gets ready to marry Hope after undergrad??? that’s the question my forthcoming college au fic will answer.

Also mentioned in my forthcoming fic (which I’m still writing rn)

- post undergrad Wong works as a museum director/curator (havent decided yet, maybe he works his way up the ranks) and double majored in psych and history.

- Stephen, Tony, Happy, Rhodey, and Wong all live together and the rest of the group lives around NYC.

- Stephen, Christine, and Bruce (The Doctor friend group) are all pursuing medical degrees while the SI friend group is transforming the company completely.

++++

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk! Congrats on reading all the way to the end lmao. I second guessed posting this a lot but then i remembered that it’s mine and I’m just sharing pre-fic thoughts lol. Thanks for reading/for your support of my work y’all!

Read the makeup fic (it doesn’t have a title) here.

💜💜💜💜

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if-found-return-to-gusu · 4 years ago

Text

Drunken Shenanigans

(First off, sorry that this isn’t broken up into parts. I don’t know. Maybe you guys prefer it in one long chunk anyway? Well whatever. I’m too lazy RN but let me know your preference maybe for future stories? Cuz like. Y’all know how long winded I am.)

---------------

FUCK OKAY JUST

FUCKING DO IT WEI YING

ENOUGH PUTTING OFF THINGS.

I want to tell things in order. Or as close as I can remember. But I’m gonna be honest. The fire fucked me up. And I know that each story brings me closer to having to talk about it.

But I think I have to talk about it.

Let’s see. Drunk Lan Zhan.

I WANT to talk about that because in retrospect it was fucking hilarous.

But I haven’t been able to because I’m just all sorts of fucked up right now.

But I think a way to get me less fucked up is to just start unwinding the pieces.

And honestly, writing helped before so I think it’ll help now.

It’s just that starting has been difficult.

So I’m just gonna rip off the bandage.

I’m just gonna start.

------------------

So it was Friday. Fuck. Already a month ago?? Jesus I’m late.

Okay A month ago today. Friday.

Let me gather my thoughts.

What was I doing? I think I was at home. Doesn’t really matter.

I got a text from Lan Zhan. Not completely unusual, but I knew he’d had plans to meet his family earlier. I think I was surprised that he was texting me so early in the evening? I remember expecting to hear from him later..

Er.. no wait I think I was going to text him around 9. To at least check in on him and wish him a good night. But he texted me first.

I’m scrolling back through my phone. What exactly did he text? I know it was like… wrong right away.

Oh yeah. It was my name 3 times in a row. Or almost. The first two times were mistyped. And then after he got it right he apologized for the misspellings.

I asked him what was wrong and…. String of martini glass emojis? Oh man he was GONE already wasn’t he?

SO obviously I booked it over there. Remember going through a few different apps to figure out which company would get me there the fastest because I sure as shit wasn’t gonna leave him there alone.

Looking back maybe I should have called someone else? His brother could have gotten there faster. I think I didn’t want him to worry. I figured if this was the state that Lan Zhan was in after meeting with his uncle, then Lan Xichen probably wasn’t in the best state either.

I should have checked up on him too but I didn’t. I was too worried about Lan Zhan.

I really should have checked in on him.

Maybe it’s not too late? Who takes care of Lan Xichen when Lan Zhan is fucked up?

Okay that’s not right. Fucked up isn’t right. Lan Zhan… Lan Zhan has issues, I know he does. After all he is, surprisingly enough, still human. But he manages them so much better than I do.

I’m fucked up. Not him.

So let’s rephrase. Who helps Lan Xichen when his little brother is also upset? I know he was, is?, dating Jin GuangYao? Though he doesn’t talk about it much. I’ve met the man in passing a couple times. Doesn’t seem the most comforting.

Though I guess there’s DaGe too. I remember he took pretty good care of him at my birthday.

Is it wrong to want to make Lan Xichen split up with Jin Guangyao so that I can set him up with DaGe? I just think they’d be cute together.

Ah not that I’m in any place to do that. See above; I’m fucked up. I should untangle my own love life before I try to poke holes in someone else’s.

And… maybe I shouldn’t be talking about these things on my blog?

Ah fuck it. I’ve said more personal stuff here already and none of you know anyone I’m talking about anyway except Ghosty and… Idk. I trust Ghosty.

Can’t help it. I just trust them.

Anyway

Anywaaaaayyyyy where was I?

Fuck these tangents. Are they worse than before? Or have I always been like this? I should re-read my old posts but somehow I’m scared to. I don’t want to look at where I was right now. I feel like so much has happened… am I even that person?

I don’t know why looking back scares me. Probably old defense mechanisms. Probably why I can’t remember anything before I was 10 too. Mmm. I should look back. I don’t want to forget.

But I think I’m afraid that I’ll… I don’t know… Either miss or hate who I was. If I miss who I was what will I do? I can’t go back to it. You can’t go back to what you were.

But if I hate who I was…. Well I hate who I am so I guess there isn’t much difference….

Shelf that.

Fuck. My complaining about going off on tangents became a tangent.

Where Was I???

Okay. So I carted my ass over to Lan Zhan’s, thinking not for the first time that maybe I should just fucking learn how to drive???????????

But whatever. I got there pretty quick.

I knocked on the door, heard some concerning bangs and then silence.

Knocked again and called out his name.

Think I heard him again… swearing????? But it was muffled so I can’t be sure.

Shame.

Haha

So I decided to do what he told me to do before and just use my damn key.

I mean… it’s not breaking and entering right? And besides. He texted me. That… meant he wanted to see me right? At the very least even if he didn’t it was for his sake. Totally not at all because I was curious what he’s like when he’s drunk.

Nope. Not a factor. Purely just wanted to make sure he was okay. Absolutely innocent.

(You know that’s a lie. I REALLY wanted to see what he’s like when he’s drunk. But I DID also want to make sure he was okay. So really, win win. Or… True neutral in intent? IDK but I think they cancel each other out.)

So I very carefully opened the door and peered inside to find…. An empty apartment.

The lights were off in the entry way, but I could see something down the hall and around the corner. Turns out that he was in the living room with a lamp and a bit of a mess.

He’d knocked over the bottle of wine when I knocked. Apparently I startled him? And then when I knocked again… ???

I’m not sure.

But he was somehow tangled in his own pant legs? They were comfy pants and a bit flowy and his foot got stuck in the other leg? I don’t know how it happened and clearly neither did he. And he’d toppled over and… apparently had given up.

So clearly my coming over was the correct call.

(Sorry Lan Zhan. I know you’ll never read this and never know but… this was just too precious to keep to myself. I promise I won’t embarrass you TOO much but there needs to be a documentation of your drunken hijinks. SangSang please don’t tell him. ;w;)

So about this point. I decided that instead of helping him, I was going to call out to you guys to ask for help.

I don’t know why? I was panicking.

So I posted Help.

And then went to untangle him.

Managed to fix his pants (don’t think too hard about that one) and get him sitting properly. He just kinda blinked slowly at me and kept silent the entire time. ????

Like okay looking at his face you’d never know the guy was trashed. But the guy was TRASHED.

I asked him how much he’d had and he just held up a finger.

One.

One what??

A glass? A bottle? A keg?

I looked over at the jug that had tipped over and tried to gauge how much he’d had. I don’t know if the bottle had been full or not when he started. I don’t think I’d left any half-empty? But he may have shared with another guest? I wouldn’t have been surprised if he kept some on hand for SangSang too. Not just me. It’s good wine.

Well either way. With how much was now spilled on the table and floor, and how much was in the bottle… I’m guessing… he had no idea and was bullshitting me how much he’d had.

So there’s that.

He had enough alcohol for one drunk. Got it.

Well didn’t matter. Either way he was sloshed. I suppose this is karma (I know that’s not how karma works) for when I got drunk off my ass in front of him before. Ah well.

You know… speaking of karma…. Like what kind of fucked up karma do I have? Like I must have just been a DEMON in my previous life. What the fuck did I do? Massacre a ton of people? Raise the dead? FUCK. Well whatever I did. Thanks a lot past life me. You’re a DICK.

Anyway.

I went to get a cloth to mop up the mess. While I was wiping everything down he disappeared.

I posted on my blog again because I have shit priorities, and then went to find him.

He was in the kitchen. After turning on every single light. His head was completely in the fridge.

I called out to him, because what the fuck? And he stood up and blinked at me again. Except now he was holding a package of skinless chicken breast??? For some reason?????

Why did he even have that Probably was planning to make it for me the next day since that was our Saturdate. He doesn’t eat much meat so it wouldn’t make sense for him to have so much.

But okay

He just held it out to me and said my name.

???????

Just.. standing in the kitchen with ALL the lights on with the fridge hanging open offering me skinless chicken breast in its neat little vacuum sealed packaging.

So uh…�� Like what do you do with that?

I asked him what he was doing and he just pushed the package at me, asking if it was good?

I mean they looked fine. Lan Zhan always buys good stuff. And this stuff was clearly bought fresh and then wrapped up by himself. He’s got a vacuum sealer thing. So like it’s not even stuff from the grocery store? He probably got it from a humane butcher. Because he does his research on EVERYTHING.

So like… yeah?? They were good? And I like chicken.

So I just kinda nodded and said yeah they’re good. And so he pushed the meat at me again and said it was all for me?

So um.. I don’t know if he was asking me to cook it? I asked him if he wanted me to cook it and he looked confused.

And fair. I mean I was confused too. No one wants me to cook. Everyone always complains. They just don’t appreciate the culinary genius that is me.

But Lan Zhan looked at me, then the chicken, and seemed to be in the deepest thought.

“Let’s put this in the fridge and we can eat it tomorrow, yeah?” I suggested, trying to take the meat from him and edge to the fridge at the same time.

Apparently this was incorrect as he yanked it away from me and started towards the stove?????

I got to him just in time to stop him from turning it on.

Like okay Lan Zhan is an amazing chef. And he’s got a NICE kitchen. But the stove is a gas one. You know the one with open flame? And like

THe man had just dumped have a container of Emperor’s Smile on himself???

Like fuck. So I think I screamed.

Because Fuck. No. Lan Zhan was NOT going to cook for me while drunk off his ass.

I remember lunging at him and like pulling all the knobs off of the stove so he couldn’t turn it on. He glared at me with this.. this …. POUT. omg it was adorable.

But NOT adorable enough for me to give him back the stove knobs. He tried to grab them but I put them in my pocket.

And then he tried to grab them again which is danger zone no no for SO MANY REASONS ;asldkfjsa;lkfaslkfjsd;lkfjas;dkfj;lafkjk

So I took his hands

And put on my best most adorable pleading expression and asked him to please let us have it tomorrow? Because I really wanted to eat it tomorrow. He stared at me again, binked, then slowly nodded and put the chicken… in the cupboard.

So I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie or something instead. He didn’t answer (How is drunk Lan Zhan even more quiet than sober Lan Zhan? How is it possible?) but he didn’t like protest or anything.

So I asked him if he wanted to pick something out and I’d come in in just a minute for him to surprise me with whatever he selected.

He nodded at that. Mumbled something that sounded like “for Wei Ying.” or something and stumbled off.

I took a moment to breathe and update the blog again before putting the chicken in the fridge. Contemplated hiding the knives and stove knobs somewhere where Lan Zhan couldn’t get to them, but that seemed a bit much. So I put the knobs back on and went to see what Lan Zhan was doing.

He was….

Drinking….

More….

Again.

So I updated my blog again????? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Well I did stop him again. I grabbed the bottle and just took it. Downed the whole jar so that he couldn’t have any more.

Maybe not the best option? But I had eaten dinner for once and I’m actually not a lightweight. (That one time was a fluke. Like it seriously was) so it was fine. Not like I was driving home anyway.

And besides maybe it’d help me get on his level? IDK. It was stupid but then so am I. And it was just a shame to dump it all out so down the hatch it went.

It was at this point that I realized that Lan Zhan was still wearing the clothes he’d spilled all over. I suggested he go change into something clean. He seemed to find logic in this and stumbled off to his room.

Did NOT shut the door but that’s okay. It was down the hall and I couldn’t really… SEE anything unless I went further into the hall myself.

Tempting but I was a good boy and resisted.

Thats when things got quiet… too quiet (see post I’d made about it being quiet).

I went to go check on him to find that he was stripped to his boxers, with his pants around his ankles. He was looking in his closet, probably trying to find out what suit to wear???

But when I entered he stumbled back, slammed the door shut and toppled feet over head to the floor!!

Man he’s jumpy when he’s drunk.

I helped him to rights and was actually so distracted that I didn’t realize that he was practically naked for like 2 whole seconds!!

(I’m pretty sure Lan Zhan isn’t a mortal, no matter what I said earlier in this very post about him being a human. No human being has the right to be that fucking cut??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

It is NOT fair.

FUck. )

WELL being a responsible and reasonable adult (lol) I decided I would help this drunk toddler of a man get dressed. I dug through his pajama drawer and pulled out something soft and fluffy. Hoped that it’d be more appealing to him if it was super super comfy. Started to hand it to him, but then figured fuck it. Probably better to just do it myself.

Managed to keep my eyes and hands to myself as I helped him. Very proud.

He let me do this without complaint. He was very good. He lifted his arms up when I told him to and his legs. Ended up putting my face WAY too close to his hips but I looked at the wall the entire time so it was fine.

Fine. It was fine. We’re fine. I’m fine. It’s fine.

Fuck I’m a mess.

Okay what happened next. He was good. Sat like a good boy. Got him dressed (thank you A-Yuan for giving me practice? Did not think this was a life skill i’d be needing now that you’re growing up and can do your own buttons but guess life likes to throw them curve balls. Either way. A-Yuan m’boy. I owe you a solid.)

(Also do NOT miss changing your diaper. Fuck)

ANyway

NO TANGENTS. (that’s a lie. There will be more tangents. Whatever.)

SO Lan Zhan was dressed like a human again. Somehow even drunk of his ass he looks like some sort of adonis. Not fair.

Uh.

Oh yeah. I got up and was gonna step away and he grabbed me.

Not like hard? But really firm. Grabbed my arm and said “no.”

No what? No to the pajamas? No to the bunny slippers? No????

I asked him what he was saying no to and he just said no again and pulled me closer.

“Lan Zhan Lan Zhan” I chided, “You’re being unreasonable. I got you all dressed and you were being so good but now I try to get up and you say no and stop me? What are you wanting? Do you not like these pajamas? Do you want me to dress you in something else?”

I remembered him looking at the closet and decided to be a little shit. I was gonna pretend I was gonna grab one if his suits to dress him in that instead. (No way I was going through that effort. Just wanted to prove a point that the PJ’s were much more comfy.)”

“Alright. Why don’t we change into something else? I know you like wearing suits. Or well, /I/ like when you wear suits. So let’s go get one.”

He started to relax his grip and I got up again, but then 2 steps to the closet he seemed to panic and grabbed me again.

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and sat back down on the bed with me mostly in his lap?????

Okay Trying to keep myself pure here. I’m a good boy. Who was not going to take advantage of my best friend while he was drunk off his ass. Good boy. Think of ANYTHING else but being in his lap.

And of course. THis meant. I had to run my mouth.

“OH? So you DON’T want a suit? Well then you should just be happy in those pajamas. As nice as you look in a suit I think they’re much more comfortable. The pajamas that is. Unless you’d rather be naked. But that--”

Anddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

He covered my mouth.

I tried to twist to look at him but he wouldn’t let me.

I tried to protest against his hand but he wouldn’t let go.

So I examined my options and decided the only course was to lick him.

So I did.

Because I have had a brother and that always got me out when Jiang Cheng actually managed to pin me.

Worked like a charm this time too. Lan Zhan dropped me like I was made of fire.

Maybe I should have been offended???? But I was too busy laughing.

He stared at his hand in what had to be horror. I calmed down enough to offer to wipe it off for him but he just pulled it in to his chest protectively.

“Oh come one. I’m not gonna lick it again! I said wipe it off! Clean it. Fuck I’ll wash ‘em with soap if you want. Dear goodness it’s not like I’ve got fucking cooties or something.”

He stared at his hand again and pouted, seemingly not sure what he wanted to do.

I reached out gently again and he pulled away again. Clearly not down for touching anymore.

So I huffed and said fine.

“You just go to bed or something then. I’ll leave you alone if you’re just gonna get all grumpy at me.”

So I started to leave. And he tried to grab me again???????????????????????????????????

Does he want to be touched or not? Or maybe he just wanted to do the touching now that I look back on it.

Well at the time I just kinda leapt out of the way and complained he wasn’t being fair changing his mind about what he wanted every 2 seconds. Quite unreasonable.

And somehow….

This ended with us chasing each other around the house???

Admittedly that part’s a bit of a blur. It started with him chasing me and then somehow we switched and I ended up chasing him?

Oh yeah. I think I thought he was going back to the kitchen or something and I panicked and tackled him onto the couch. That’s when I sat on him to keep him there and posted about it again while I caught my breath.

He just let himself lay face down on the couch, his face pressed into the pillow completely. Both a blessing and a curse because I don’t know what I was thinking at the time. I dont’ know what I would have done if he’d pouted at me again. Licked him again?? But a curse because that meant all I had to focus on was how thicc his ass was. Like I was sitting on it.

And it is a COMFY perch. Gotta say. Like fuck. This man is perfect in every way.

NOT. THE. POINT.

KEEP MIND. AWAY FROM THAT. YOU DON’T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. ESPECIALLY THINKING ABOUT THINGS THIS WAY WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO BE SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS HIM AGAIN TONIGHT.

(DON’T @ ME WE JUST SHARE A BED. OKAY? IT MAKES US BOTH FEEL BETTER AND IT’S FINE. IT’S FINE. WE’RE FINE. I’M FINE. IT’S FINE. I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT THAT MORE LATER BUT JUST.. IT’S FINE OKAY? IT’S FINE. TRUST ME. COMPLETELY NOTHING ROMANTIC ABOUT IT. IT’S OKAY TO CUDDLE YOUR BROS. I MEAN IT’S A BIT COMPLICATED SEEING AS I’M IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT WE BOTH AGREED THAT THE KISS MEANT NOTHING SO WE’RE FINE.

FUCK.. okay I’ll get back to this in a minute because I made myself cry again.

Hold on.

Okay I’m back. And I’m actually fine now. Just a little bit of heartache. It flares up if I think about it so I just don’t think about it.

So sometimes when it sneaks up on me like that it just causes a little bit of a panic. We’re fine though. It’s passed and we’re fine.

Where was I? Where was I…. um… oh yeah. Sitting on that juicy ass--- um.. Sitting on Lan Zhan to keep him on the couch where it was safe and cushioned.

It worked for a bit. But apparently only because he wanted it to.

Somehow I forgot that the man can bench a fucking truck? So he just did a push up with me on his back while on the couch (Have you tried to do pushups on a cushioned surface? Please do not do this. Make sure you exercise on sturdy, solid surfaces or you will roll your wrists or something and I will not be held responsible for unsafe workout practices.)

SO Lan Zhan just pushed both of us up and I tumbled right off like I was made of fucking feathers.

No idea what he was planning to do.

At first he seemed worried about me because I tumbled. Which I think broke his train of thought away from what he’d originally planned? Or did he even have a plan to begin with?

FUck who knows. Not me!

Well anyway

I had a bold stroke of genius. Because how does Lan Zhan get me to stay put?

So I told him to sit and wait because I had a surprise for him and that I’d be really sad if he didn’t do it.

So he immediately assumed the lotus position and closed his eyes. Coulda been a fucking statue.

I stared for a second but then remembered he was drunk as FUCK and I had no time. So I rushed off and grabbed Bichen and Suibian so I could dump ‘em in his lap.

Fucking worked like a charm. Suibian didn’t stay too long because she always prefers my lap (aaaaaaaaaaaah my heart) but Bichen will always stay put when plopped on Lan Zhan’s lap. (I feel ya, li’l buddy. If I could get away with it I’d live there too).

Told him that he needed to be nice and calm for the bunnies and he nodded so seriously. He started to pet Bichen so carefully it was so sweet. The little bun flopped over right away. She loves her Lan Zhan so much. (Same)

Decided to try and get him to talk to me once he’d been quiet for a little while. I asked him what started all this anyway.

At first he said that he wanted to learn to be more tolerant to alcohol so that he could drink with me

Which is so fucking sweet but does not explain why he went so hard into it.

And I knew he’d seen his uncle earlier that day. So I pressed.

I won’t tell you all that he told me. But yeah. Family is complicated man.

But that part of the story.. That’s his story. I’m not sure if he even wants ME to know about it, so I’m definitely not telling you guys. Sorry. But please try to understand.

We talked for a long while and eventually he ended up falling asleep. I very carefully moved the bunnies to their pen, then picked him up and carried him off to bed too.

There’s something surreal about princess carrying Lan Zhan. Not gonna lie.

I wasn’t willing to leave him alone in case he woke up again so I just climbed into bed with him. Wrapped him up in my arms to make sure I’d wake up if he tried to leave (hopefully).

But he slept through the night.

It wasn’t until morning that he lurched out of bed and booked it to the bathroom. Poor guy.

I will never try to get him to drink again. With mornings that awful it’s just not worth it. Though admittedly he’d probably do okay if he just didn’t drink as MUCH as he did. Make I’ll get him a Mikes Hard? I know from talking to him since then that the wanting to be able to share a drink with me was genuine even if it wasn’t the only reason he was drinking. So maybe we can ease him into it. I mean Mikes hards are so weak that they may as well be virgin drinks so that should be safe?

I’ll talk to him about it later.

Anyway. I took care of him all morning and he was so miserable. (Even got to carry him again. He was so worn out he barely protested).

I brought him back to bed with some aspirin and some water. I should have made him drink some the previous night but I guess with how crazy that night was maybe I can be forgiven for that at least.

I gave him some kisses on his face because at that point it was our thing??? (Because… what were we??? Well now we’re back to just friends I think. After… after the kiss that meant nothing.)

Fuck.

Okay don’t think about it. We were… we were something… but now we’re just friends. And that’s just… how it is. Because i fucked up. Because of course I fucked up.

I let him take a nap and watched something trashy on TV. Eventually he shlumped out of bed (as much as Lan Zhan ever schlumps which is not a lot) and crashed onto the couch next to me.

We talked some more and he tried to apologize to me. I wasn’t gonna hear it. I got a bit of a more sober re-telling of the reason he was drinking and I did my part to listen.

Despite how much I talk, I can actually listen if the occasion calls for it! Surprising, I know.

We went to bed again eventually after watching more garbage TV together.

And uh.. Yeah…

That’s the adventures of Drunk Lan Zhan.

Sorry I know some of the details are probably wrong. It’s been a while and a lot happened. But yeah. That’s more or less it.

#wangxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #wei ying #wei wuxian #Long Post #(Modern AU!)

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noblechaton · 4 years ago

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happy new years dudes!

this post is a sort of run down of my last year or so and rlly it’s just me rambling about my (sometimes gross, warning to all gross-haters out there (like me)) health issues so feel free to look past this

2020 was probably the single hardest most stressful year of my entire life so far and while some reasons are uh. kinda obvious. it sort of especially crunched down on me as it was the first year of my life where I had a persistent health problem for the entire duration

back near the end of 2019 (october 19th I think) I noticed this weird pain in my chest and it scared the heck outta me when it didn’t go away after a few days so I managed to get to go to the doctor for the first time in maybe an actual decade? to try and sort it out bc like on one hand my habits were(/are) bad and the day beforehand I’d been running on a horrid amount of sleep and my only food was bad fast food stuff for breakfast and dinner

anyway the appointments started coming after that as test after test cleared me of. well. anything. there wasn’t really anything weird found after a stress test or uh. this one test where they ran a wand over my body with some goo on it. idk what its called

so naturally I was really just totally lost bc the pain was still there up until around late january?? I think? my memory gets a bit hazy here bc so much had happened but I’m pretty sure that shortly after it faded away (mid february-ish?) I felt normal-ish but then had this awful headache that just straight up wouldn’t go away that lasted a month or so that got so bad I broke down and begged for a hospital despite knowing my bill was outrageous already but I managed to go anyway and got a CAT scan then and an MRI a few days later that turned up nothing again. legit nothing (aside from a kidney stone lol) and just like the chest stuff it faded

some time after that I got really shaky aches and pain sin my wrists and ankles that hurt super bad that I sort of didn’t talk about but at that point at least it was something I could sort of cope with and it eventually stopped after a while (I think this was bc of an antidepressant I was on that I just. immediately stopped taking as a result of the pain)

but eventually that gave way to what was the worst of it where I spent around 2 months being entirely unable to eat or drink /anything/. I mean anything at all. water of any sort, crackers, it all came back up and. really really sucked. I lost a lot of weight and struggled a lot and I still struggle to talk about this one bc it was so traumatic and I’m terrified of it coming back to this day (I still don’t eat or drink all the stuff I used to eat or drink and maybe never will. I almost entirely avoid dairy of all kinds now which might tie into my current problem??)

obviously I got multiple tests for this. two cameras down my tummy and an emptying study and all of which turned up.............nothing. nothing I didn’t already have anyway. nothing that could be causing it and then of course shortly after the last test, the one that I thought would definitively answer what was wrong with me,(the emptying one), I was so desperate for food that late one night I devoured some awful fried chicken from the grocery store in the middle of the night and fell asleep and the next day I could finally, thankfully sort of eat again. my dad cooked up salmon for me since it’d been in the freezer and I tried it and it mostly stayed down and then from there it stopped happening all together

this one still stresses me out and again I’m fucking terrified of it bc I still have no indication on what it is or was

but that brings me to the last month or two? (which is a good ~4-5 months? from that last thing I think. my perception of time is fucked and filled with me being pricked with fluids and stuff bleugh) which has been mostly this weird discomfort/pain in my left side that’s almost always there (but has faded sometimes) with the occasional awful discomfort uh. between my legs back there. and this awful burping habit where I taste the last thing I ate for a while

this one’s hard to pin down and I haven’t been to a doc for it (yet, I wanna go and get a colonoscopy and even asked about a stool test that one doc said no to?? and plus it’ll probably be even harder now than it was before) and I’ve been on various laxatives (started back when I wasn’t eating as not eating meant getting anything out was uh. difficult) that all sort of dipped in usefulness. lately I’ve been drinking a glass of prune juice every day or two and it seems to do the most help but it’s still there

now this is odd for me bc I’m not even sure I’ve been constipated or anything and there’s a few theories I’ve had that range from me having IBS to it being tied to my body recovering from 2-3 months of not eating or uh. removing waste. to suddenly doing it a lot (this is also my theory on the belching since my neck/throat used to hurt a shitload on account of all the acid and stuff coming back up but it’s sort of slowly felt less bad?). I also sometimes feel super zoned out and foggy but that might just be my bad sleeping

lately I’m sort of wondering if this is maybe all a neurological thing?? or maybe some sort of mental snap caused by stress from my life. it’s been hard for me to consider much else beyond a deep mental issue after so many tests ended up with good results

I’m not smart enough to know for sure but. idk. a year of nearly nonstop bodily pain no matter what I did (exercise, no exercise. eating better, eating worse, etc.) with every single possible test done beyond a select few providing no results has sort of left me as a terrified wreck without anywhere to turn and it just sucks. I’m tired of being so scared of my own body

and all of that on top of. y’know. everything going on in the world. it fucking sucks

last year was real fuckin bad man and I can only try and hope that this year gives myself and everyone else a reprieve at least. a moment to breathe and be consistently happy again. thank u guys for still hanging around me and enjoying the piddly amount of original content I put out.

I wanna do more for this acc since it, and you guys, got me thru a lot of this last year or so (I even got to see Glaciator in the hospital once lol) and I intend to start streaming myself playing video games over on twitch more often but I can’t make any promises rn. all I can do is hope to continue putting out even the dumbest of posts that y’all might get even a tiny laugh out of

#I needed to vent this post out I haven't talked about any of this in this much depth at all lol #a therapist would be a really nice thing to have. tbh.#till then I'll just keep typing into the blue site ig

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luvdsc · 4 years ago

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hi miss cat!! I was just wondering if there’s any advice you would give to a high school freshman/rising sophomore?? sorry I know I’m a bit young to be interacting on your blog but I’m just,,, so lost.

my freshman year ends on May 28 and I just realised how fast this year flew by, and I’m never even gonna get it back…

I didn’t get off my ass and run for an officer position in the clubs I’m in even though the opportunity presented itself many times and I can’t stop beating myself up over it (metaphorically that is)

the only thing unique I did this year was run for student council and um that didn’t work out too well HSDMGFK no surprise there

but on a more serious note I just don’t really have the motivation to do anything right now and this is gonna sound really funny but it’s giving me such a hard time even though it’s self imposed ://

I don’t know why I can’t find motivation to be involved at school

maybe I would be more active if I knew what I want to major in or be in the future?? I used to want to be a biochem major but then I realised I wouldn’t be happy with that lifestyle or salary and now I really wanna major in business but I also feel pressured to major in econs because my dad is an econs major and my brother will be entering college as an econs major this fall so like ;;;;

thankfully my family wasn’t as affected as other families or people during lockdown because I fortunately live in Singapore and the lockdown was a bit less than two months, and the situation here was taken care of quite well. some of my relatives live in Seoul and I also have some relatives emigrated to Washington DC way before the pandemic so I was a bit worried but they seem to be doing fine!! which is again why I don’t understand my slump

because I was in a slump I had shitty grades and ended semester one with such a shitty GPA and such terrible grades that I literally didn’t qualify for APUSH next year which idk if I wanna take or not but still, it would’ve been nice to have the option…. and I literally got a b in biology which is so fucking terrifying because if I had done worse I wouldn’t have even qualified to take AP bio or chem

I mean I am putting effort but not enough for me to get better grades than I do right now so I genuinely feel so lost :// I’ve no idea what to do after high school and my grades aren’t good no matter how hard I try :// like, I’m not even kidding I have tutors for my hardest classes but I’m still not;;; getting good grades…

I honestly feel the urge to start cultivating hobbies that I stopped doing but idk if i should.. like I could spend that time studying, you know?? I’m scared that the rest of my high school career will fly by just like my freshman year did and I won’t even notice it… and my finals are literally in 2 weeks….

and as I’m typing this I realise I have a Chinese test tomorrow and another Chinese test next Tuesday so ummm I gotta go study sorry about all that rambling!! I just don’t have anyone else to tell sorry if this burdened you!!

miss cat if you have any advice to offer I would really really appreciate it!! also I’ve sent like 2 other tells rambling about your fics and idk what to feel rn cuz a few weeks ago I was crying about p*ssy blocked on your blog and now I’m sitting here pouring my heart out:;; but anyways thank you for reading!!❤️

- 🥰

hi, sweetpea 💕 oh gosh, it’s been... almost 8 years since i was a rising sophomore asjhdflkasflkhsakl i feel so old rip and it’s ok, you don’t have to apologize! my blog is sfw, so it’s alright, lovebug :’) i’m gonna give my two cents / advice in regards to each part of your message, instead of my usual numbering, so i hope that’s ok! 💓

i’m sorry to hear that this past school year has been tough for you, honey bee, and that you’re having a hard time ): i know what you mean with motivation... some days, i just don’t wanna try anymore and it’s just like... what’s the point? i worked this hard and didn’t get the results i wanted, so why am i still doing this? it’s disappointing, i know, but i suppose the thing that pushes me forward is that, well, it has to get better at some point, doesn’t it? if i keep going, if i keep pushing myself, if i keep trying, my efforts will be rewarded one day. one day, it’ll all be worth it, honey bee 💛

and while you regret not running for a club position this year and how your freshman year went, make sure to not regret it next year and go for it during your sophomore year, lovebug!! run for a position!!! you’re still so young, and you have so much time ahead of you, sweetpea. enjoy the moment, spend time with your friends, join more clubs that interest you, etc. you got this 🥳 please don’t end up regretting next year as well - become more involved next year and run for an officer position like you wanted to this year 💘 i believe in you, lovebug 🌷🌷

and running for student council was a big step! you should be proud of yourself for trying and putting yourself out there, honey bee 💗 even though it didn’t work out in the way you hoped, you gained experience, and that’s important too!

also, heck yeah for majoring in business, sweetpea 🤩🤩 as a double business major, i support you :’) askljdhfkals ngl econs was my least favorite business class though, so big props to your dad and brother for majoring in it 🤧 i felt that pressure too because my dad and sister both majored in engineering, but in the end of the day, you have to remember that this is your future and your happiness, not anybody else’s. choose what you want to do, honey bee. this isn’t your dad’s choice nor your brother’s choice, it’s your choice. they’re not the one that’s gonna have to study all your classes and do your job in the future. it’s you, and i know it’s hard, but you have to block out what everyone else says and choose what’s best for you.

if you aren’t sure what you want to study, is it possible to take classes for different majors? perhaps, that’ll help you decide! or you can talk to upperclassmen who are in the majors that interest you, and you can see which one appeals to you the most 💕

i’m so glad to hear that the situation there for you is going well though, lovebug! 💛 and i’m happy that your family and relatives are doing well too 💞 sometimes, slumps just happen, honey bee unfortunately ): it’s like i don’t want to feel this way, i’m in a decent place in my life, but why do i feel this way? it has to do with mental health, and my best advice would be to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist. they truly are really helpful and can help you understand better why you feel this way and help you reach a better state of mind.

i’m sorry to hear your grades didn’t end up as what you expected, lovebug ): (and as someone who took apush, it is not fun rip i do not recommend aksjhdflkas you dodged a bullet there) but as a positive way of looking at it, what class can you now take instead of apush? is there another class that you’re excited to take? and a B is still good!!! forget the what if scenario, you still made it to AP bio and AP chem, and that’s what matters, and i’m proud of you, honey bee 💖

personally, i think there’s a healthy balance between cultivating hobbies you like and studying. i don’t think you would want to look back on your sophomore year and have all your memories be of you sitting at your desk and memorizing ionic bonds and plant cell organelles. yes, it’s important to study, but it is also important to have fun and have hobbies that help you destress and relax and make good memories 💗so i’d say go for it, lovebug!!! indulge in your hobbies and find something you love doing! maybe that’ll inspire you to find a major in a similar subject?

best of luck on your upcoming chinese test, honey bee, and i hope your last one on tuesday went well 💜 aaaa i kinda put my advice here and there throughout my response, and i hope it all makes sense for you, sweetpea :’) also omg alksjdhlfakshjdf thank you so much for sending in asks about pussy blocked and for reading it, too 🥺💗💗💗 that means so soo much to me, so thank you, lovebug 💛 i hope life treats you kinder, and that you’re doing better this week! i’m sending you all my love, support, and well wishes, honey bee 💌💌 (also that’s such a cute emoji anon !!! 🥰🥰)

#asks #anonymous #🥰 anon

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arthur-fleck-is-my-baby · 5 years ago

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Arkham~ pt. 1

Request: i've never sent a request but i was thinking about a arthur/joker x reader fic where joker is in arkham hospital. Y/N gets to visit her mother there but is send to a false area in hospital. y/n somehow gets near joker their eyes lock and he's all she can think about from now on. maybe he managed to get a key so they can see eachother or smt. im a sucker for a lot of smut and dominant joker rn. i don't even know if you're able to come up with smt like this. maybe you can. it would be great thanks

Notes: I have a part 2 planned, but i hope you like part 1!

Warning: none

Tags: @vemazing ; @ultra-marine-scales ; @ajokeformur-ray ; @live-love-loki ; @taintednihilist ; @alirabbitt ; if youd like to be added to the tag list, lemme know!

You walked up to the large building of Arkham Asylum and you couldn’t help but feel like you were being watched. Of course no one was, no one notices anybody in Gotham, especially those entering the Asylum. Walking up the stairs, a chill ran up your spine.

You’d entered the asylum only once before, when your mother was initially admitted 3 months ago. You were only now visiting her but only due to the constant nagging of your father. If it wasn’t for him, you would be as far from the asylum as possible. The cold air of the lobby matched the look, white suffocating walls with a splash of yellow color caused by the dingy lights.

You walked up to the desk and waited patiently for the receptionist to acknowledge your existence. You cleared your throat, and a minute later she spoke. “Can I help you ma’am?” she asked. You faked a wide smile. You told her your mother’s name and she continued to work at the computer emotionlessly. “That way, you’ll know when you get there.” She motioned down the hall. Are you kidding me?

You were about to ask for a less vague direction but were cut off by the ear splitting sound of the phone ringing. The receptionist reached over and answered the phone without blinking. “Arkham Asylum, how may I help you?” The blankness of her voice gave you chills and you decided it would just be easier to find your mother yourself.

You began to walk down the halls, the distant screams of a man causing you to pause momentarily. You hoped your mother wouldn’t be far, but your gut told you that she could be anywhere in the building. After a few minutes of wandering down the hall, you came upon the elevators and a large sign. You read the different units carefully, looking for anywhere you thought your mother might be.

Hallucination...floor 13

Homicide...floor 12

Your spine ran cold for a second time. You pressed the up button and waited for the faint ding. After a few moments, the doors opened and you stepped inside. You pressed the faded number 13, hoping that you were correct in your assumption. The doors closed and you felt the floor ride slowly. You watched as the floor numbers slowly rose, dreading the moment it hit 13. Your silent prayers were answered when you felt a jolt as the elevator stopped moving. The doors opened on floor 6, and two men entered.

One was wearing a nurses uniform and the other wore a white uniform. You recognized it as the clothing patients were made to wear. Your breath hitched as the men stopped next to you, turning around to face the steel doors. The worker leaned over and pressed a button, but you couldn’t focus on him. The patient was closest to you, and you could hear his heavy breathing. Curiosity got the better of you and you looked up at him. To your surprise he wasn’t looking at you, but a straight ahead. He had long brown hair which looked like it had just been washed. He was an average height, though he was decently taller than you. His jaw was littered with salt and pepper, giving you goosebumps. He seemed to notice you staring, as he looked over at you with a blank face. Your eyes widened as you looked into his bright eyes. You hadn’t expected him to be so handsome. He smirked and you couldn’t help but blush. His eyes were soft and you could tell that he was truly looking at you. It was a new feeling, you were used to people looking past you or looking just above you. But he was looking at you. You stared at him, admiring his features. You were snapped out of your trance as you saw the elevator stop at the 12th floor. The doors opened and the nurse, kicked at the patients shins.

“Lets go Fleck.” he said. The patient sighed and walked forward. Homicide.

You made it to the 13th floor and couldn’t help but think about the man. Fleck. It was the only name you could connect to him, but it seemed like a name that fit him. It felt familiar, as if you could see it in your mind, just a little hazy.You walked down the long hall, listening to patients scream about things in the corner of their room, or someone in their doorway. You looked at the names outside the rooms until you came across your mothers. You slowly approached the doorway and could smell her cigarettes. “Hi mom.”

A week later you were back at the front of the large building. Only half of your reasoning being there to visit your mother. Your mind couldn’t stop thinking about the Arthur Fleck. You had racked your brain for days, finally remembering him. You had seen him on the news a year before on the television. He had shot Murray Franklin on live TV after confessing to the subway killings. You remembered having been a part of the riots, supporting him and despising Thomas Wayne. You had looked up to Arthur in that time, even after hearing your parents ridicule him along with the other rioters. They had no idea.

You had half hoped that you’d see Arthur again. Now that you had looked at him, and better yet he had looked at you, you couldn’t help but fantasize. A part of you felt like it was wrong thinking about him in this way, but you honestly didn’t care. What he did was a service to Gotham.

You walked past the receptionist, not even bothering to tell her who you were visiting. She wouldn’t have cared anyways. You walked to the elevator and pressed the button quickly, hoping that you’d run into Arthur. As you stepped inside you couldn’t help but notice the butterflies in your stomach. You pressed the floor for your mother and waited patiently as the doors closed. The numbers flew, speeding up as you made your way to the 13th floor. “Shit.” you groaned as the elevator reached the 13th, ensuring you wouldn’t be seeing Arthur. The doors opened and you didn’t move. You pressed the 12th floor button and watched as the doors closed. What were you doing?

The elevator moved down quickly and the doors opened again. You stepped out and began walking down the long hall. The lights flickered as you slowly looked at each name on the walls. There seemed to be no doctors in sight, common for Arkham Asylum.

Halfway down the hall you heard humming, and when you looked to the source you saw the name “Arthur Fleck” printed on a white board. It was him. You walked up to the door, looking through the small window. He was sitting on a small bed, handcuffed and smoking a cigarette. You knocked, not understanding why. He looked up and smiled at you in the window. You opened the door slowly.

“You’re not my doctor.” he said with a sly smirk. He took another drag of his cigarette and rolled his head back as he breathed. “Aren’t they awful nurses? Leaving doors unlocked. Unsupervised halls. It’s almost as if they want us to escape.” He smiled at you and stood up.

“I’ve been thinking about you.” you said. He walked towards you and you felt as if you would explode. “I don’t know why I’m here but…” You trailed off.

“I’m glad you’re here.” he said with a smirk. “It’ll be nice to finally have someone to talk to.”

And thus began your friendship with Arthur Fleck, a convicted murderer, and your best friend.

Part 2

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck is my baby #arthur fleck could get some #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck fanfic #arkham asylum

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semi-anonyme · 4 years ago

Text

November 3, 2020

12:05pm

I woke up at 7:00am today and I knew a few things: 1.) I would buy a Vitamix and begin to make smoothies every day 2.) I would stop holding onto the past 3.) It would be my last entry on this tumblr

Today, it is Election Day. I am very much hoping Joe Biden will win, not just for my sanity but for everyone’s sanity, for a little hope in humanity’s fight against the allure of anti-intellectualism, scapegoating, its growing tolerance of hate.

I remember the last election day, or rather, the evening. We all thought Hillary would win uneventfully. I remember my colleague dipping out of work early to go to the Javits Center to celebrate her victory. I remember watching in disbelief from my basement computer, walking upstairs with my eyes wide and jaw dropped. “Are you watching the news right now Mike?” “Yeah, Trump is in the lead. It looks like he’s about to win Pennsylvania (or was it Michigan? Or Wisconsin?)” I walked to bed in disgust, woke up in disgust, confirmed my disgust.

There was not one conversation I heard on the train or in the street that day that didn’t involve Trump. That night, I drank alone at Three Diamond Door. I still remember the buff black dude sitting in the corner downing Bell’s Two Hearted IPAs.

Anyway, election day 2020. I’m going out to vote in about 2 hours. I got today off. Thanks, progressive companies.

I’ve had a lot of internal discussions with myself on here, published them as blog posts. I have timestamps to remember them by, I’m glad. In the past ~8 months since the pandemic began, I’ve gone back to a lot of my entries -- oh, this is what it was like in the beginning in March. Oh yes, May, I was indeed watching a lot of K-Dramas, it was getting hotter. Ahhh yes, I did learn a lot about not having the city as my crutch.

Just in general, on this blog, on the countless loose leaf papers in my journal, I’ve had these battles about meaning. This blog pre-dates seeing Jody my therapist, who I’ve been seeing faithfully for over 1.5 years now.

I could go on. The point I’m making rn in this last entry is this -- all that stuff is in the past, it was important, I internalized it. Now it’s time to move on. I’m glad this exists, these 450 entries exist, they exist with a purpose. But now? I know who I am, what I want to be.

I have no dilemma of engineering vs artistry. Now that I’ve been away from loud bars, I have no FOMO about the nightlife. It’s kinda just time to start from scratch, this knowledge.

I just created a new tumblr, domo-knows. I’ll likely have a companion YouTube channel in the future. Anyway, a few and somewhat ambiguous bullets for myself since, you know, this blog was always just for me.

ON THINGS I’M LEAVING BEHIND ACTIONS 1. Random drinking. Today, I’m going to buy an Other Half Finback IPAs, pop them open around 8pm and start watching election results. I’ve gone into detail before about drinking, but just to sum it up, drinking alcohol is the one thing I can say captures how complex and funny it is being a human -- how we use it socially, justify it, cling onto it, how it becomes tangled up in our highest achievements and our most shameful insecurities. I’ve consumed alcohol for these various reasons in my life:

a.) I was avoiding doing something difficult b.) I didn’t want to be alone in my room, and preferred the loud chatter of conversations and music at a cramped bar c.) I did not trust my social abilities sober, so I drank alcohol because I’ve never known anyone who has not liked me when I’ve had a couple (when I’m shit-faced, another story) d.) To hook up with a girl e.) I was bored f.) I was about to do something boring and wanted to make it more exciting g.) Because it was a beautiful sunny day, perfect for a beer on a patio h.) Because it was a cold and dreary day, perfect to brood over a Manhattan i.) I was lonely j.) My life was going too well, I wasn’t used to that, and I needed something to question k.) My life was going poorly, and I needed something to cheer me up for the evening l.) I needed to make a decision, so I drank alcohol and wrote in my journal and came to a good decision that I stuck with m.) I needed to make a decision, so I drank alcohol until I no longer cared, and the decision was punted off until the next day n.) I I needed to make a decision, I thought a drink or two would jigger my thought process, but I ended up getting distracted by something my drunk self was interested in, and the decision was punted off until the next day I’d come up with more but they’re all just variations of that and who wants to read more of that? 2. Eating sugary sweets, justifying it by saying I have “an addiction” I actually never cared for sweets until high school. Most birthday cake I had was gross, my parents bought Chips Ahoy or Oreos which tbh aren’t all that great, and I was never exposed to really good pastries until I was in college. In high school, I dropped a buncha weight entirely too quickly and I ended up with a fats and sweets “addiction” that I’ve “had ever since”. This is a common thing.

I’ve held it close to me mentally -- my “sweets addiction”. I didn’t question it, it was something I just had, something to hang onto for the rest of my life because I fucked up when I was younger.

But as I’ve gotten older, I understand that these things -- addictions -- serve purposes. They keep us comfortable in what we deem to be true of ourselves. They (poorly) provide temporary breaks from incessant mental gymnastics/fatigue. Anyway, blah blah, big sweeping declarations, blah blah, I’ve done that all before. But when I woke up today, I knew I would get a Vitamix like I’ve been talking about for years, and I made a decision to stop holding onto this. I always eat 2 meals a day with a wild west assortment of things in between, cake and cookies and granola bars and Halloween candy. Now, 2 meals and a protein smoothie/juice.

Let them muscles grow bb. Feel good about my body, treat it like the fucking temple it is.

3. Dicking around on the internet I enjoy reddit. I enjoy wikipedia. I also end up on these sites when I’m avoiding other major responsibilities and uncomfortable feelings. I know what I want: it involves a lot of deep practice. I could read about programming all day and I’d be fascinated -- you know, the history of Silicon Valley, Introduction to the Rust Programming language, new JavaScript frameworks, discussions on HackerNews about The Best Way to Build Something. But nothing beats getting your hands dirty. Nothing beats poring over source code, running into strange errors, resolving them, moving on, over and over ad nauseam until lo-and-behold, you are an expert.

I can read about music, listen to raps over and over, but nothing beats analyzing a verse over and over and actually hearing the syllables landing on, falling behind the beat.

I’m here to structure my day. I know what I want. Expertise, pride, and know-how. A differentiated skillset so I can collaborate with other differentiated skillsets. Good taste, a feeling of belonging. All that shit, all I ever wanted but didn’t know until recently. THOUGHT PATTERNS 1. FOMO What is it with being a human -- a Man, especially (sorry is that sexist, but also, not sorry) -- that makes us believe that everyone has everything we have and more? That we are the base model without power windows, and everyone else is an upgrade? I love going on walks in New York City. I love riding the trains in New York City. But while some of this love is healthy spectatorship, much of what I’ve engaged in is unhealthy envy.

I’m done with that though. I know what I like. And I know I have a dope life. And I know that I’m a good person to know, that people may have different qualities than me but I also have different qualities from them. I’m cool with my small close-knit friends. 2. INDECISION I kinda expanded on this above. I know what I want, and all questioning I’ve done (especially recently) has been my effort to save myself from doing the work, save myself from having to declare what I am. 3. ENGAGING IN FEELINGS OF BEING LATE I am 31 years old. This is something I know to be true: there is a 13-year old who can program circles around me. There is a kid who can play a rendition of Misty on piano so soulful that it’ll bring a tear to my eye. There is nothing, technically (as in, technical expertise), that I can do that can’t be done by anyone else. But I do believe in my taste and I do believe in my life experiences. And I do believe that whatever I create can only be mine, have my signature, and I think that whatever I create in this world that I’m proud of is going to be good. That’s a fact, and I’m going into the future with that as a fact.

Farewell, semi-anonyme Anyway, I was going to write more but I wanna get going, more to do. I’ve got some work to do, some voting to do, some writing to do, some planning to do.

I love you all. See you on the other side.

#self #text post #semi anonyme goals #farewell

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