#anyway i still don't use it because i refuse to do research
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
.
#personal#i'm so miserable#Broke my 7 year sh streak#I want to die so bad#I wish I could want to live#Everyday for months ive felt physically choked#I'll delete later maybe I just need to vent a little bit#Refusing to believe I'm at rock bottom because I just can't fathom returning to the same place I was at when I was 18#I had nothing to live for at that point and I was so fucked up#But I'm better now! Everything I wanted to do I've done!#I don't feel as useless and alone anymore#So why am I still here being violent with myself#I write rants to put on my Instagram and delete them#Bc I realized they were serving as suicide notes and final remarks to the people I've met#So extremely bitter#The answer to the earlier question is probably just to end the constant pain#I can't do it anymore#How many times have I said that#And then I do it anyways#And then I end up here all relapsed and fucked up#Negative#I kind of just feel like 90% of the time things have gotten “better” I've actually just been manic#Making and saying irrational stuff#It's funny though because I don't think I've ever set out deliberately hurt someone#I definitely have hurt people by accident and I try so hard to be on guard to avoid that#And I think that's part of the reason I turn to hurting myself instead#But I just find it funny how other people set out to deliberately hurt me for small petty reasons#And then feel terrible after so they come saying sorry but blaming it on their mental health that they've never even researched or looked at#Before they used it as an excuse#I'm out of tags but yeah like I'm suffering and constantly declawing myself for everyone around me but I have to grin and bear it
1 note
·
View note
Text
Hi! I give you this Stobotnik fankid I made a while ago :'y
She's Sofia --or Ivania or some other name ending in 'ia'-- Robotnik (coolest last name)
It's a compilation and also there's some Stone for practice bc I have no idea how to draw him pipipi Eggman is easier bc it's just his Sonic Boom design (I love it)
Some stuff about this universe under the cut!
(Btw if there's incongruencies is bc I can't make up my mind about the facts whwhw)
-Robotnik and Stone are married, very much married. Cartoon villains in love, I love that for them.
-["MARTHA I'M COMING HOME SWEETIE-"] Mixing up the movie things and the whatever's going on in the Sonic Boom, so Robotnik was gone for eight months and when he's back she's already born.
>Also the drawing is a reference to Icarly's "Whatcha got there?" "A smoothie" but she was clearly asking about the ostrich Spencer brought with him.
>Alternatively, Eggman's there and they go through the journey together yippiee. Choosing names, making evil parenting plans and whatever, being their idiot selves.
(After celebrating because they're good news actually) "I want a boy or a girl-" (Eggman) "Yeah me too." (Stone) "-and we should name them a single, worth of remembering name! Like... Eggette for a girl and Eggson for a boy." "I'm not letting you name them any of that, doctor..." "Okay, then how about Beyonce for a girl and-"
>They wouldn't have kids (?? maybe? I don't really know, I only know sonic boom and the movie :'U)- but she was probably the 1% the birth control warns you about. Also, Stobotnik got a very active seggsual life, and I'm imagining she came to be from a quickie over the desk, why not.
>Helpful diagram of Eggman + Stone kissing and then = baby. They were in work hours.
-In the one where he comes back and the baby's already there, Eggman does a terrible job as a father the few first months, but then he gets the hang of it and it's not so bad.
>He gets projectile vomited on and he's immediately asking to get an abortion (the baby's already born) (he didn't give birth to her), Stone says no anyways.
>"Surprisingly, I'm a good father" he thinks one day and it's because he's still very much an orphan here with no frame of comparation or example aside from researching the matter.
-In the one where they wait for her together, he does all the research necessary in all those months, absolutely refusing in doing an average job in that matter, he's the great Ivo Robotnik c'mon. He excels at anything and he'll be a great father (jk he's terrified of fucking up).
-The Stobotnik family is an evil but loving family, like the bears in Puss in Boots whwh criminal family✨
-For the funny of it, Sonic and Eggman got a sort of relationship like in Sonic Boom, so sometime maybe our favorite boy, Tails and Knuckles had to look after their child.
-Also since Knuckles broke Stone's and Robotnik's hands with their handshake, let's have him handle the baby with the most careful grip ever, just to demonstrate that he didn't have to grab their hands that hard aksdjask
-She's a big fan of Sonic and friends (Sonic the Hedgehog, not Sonic Wachowski, the second guy hadn't done even half the things she admires him for, but no one has the heart to tell her when she's a kid). Has a bunch of merch and all the comics of Sonic the Hedgehog.
>When she's a teenager she proudly uses her Sonic backpack in the same way Deadpool uses his Hello Kitty backpack.
-BTW Sonic, Knuckles and Tails are all brothers and Maddie and Tom's kids bc that's the best idea ever made.
-ALSO I'm definitely gonna draw that scene where Knuckles was about to put the baby in the blender and Sonic shouts THE CHILI DOG NOT THE BABY. Some day, you'll see pipipi.
-SAGE was created for various reasons, to be her sister (since she wouldn't stop asking for one but neither Stone nor Robotnik were willing in raising another human kid, thanks very much), to protect her, and also to answer the tedious "why?" questions that neither father had the patience for (A+ parenting right there). Maybe she was used for the original purpose too idk (I don't know that sonic game where she debuts).
>The child's delighted about having a sister, then she grows up and SAGE doesn't, so she has a little sister.
>METAL SONIC TOO MAYBE? Perfect lil american family, the two happily married parents and their three kids (one human girl, an IA and a robot clone of their alien enemy).
-On her early months she was called Pebble, because she really was a mini Stone, Robotnik went along with it (bc he also looked at her and only saw his husband whw) until she was a little older and they started calling her by her name.
>Alternatively, since Eggman was gone, Stone waited for him to return in hopes of choosing together a name for their child, and Pebble worked as a placeholder since she was just a bebi.
>Alternatively alternatively, Eggman came up with the nickname. ROCK-ONNAISSANCE 🗣️ also yeah I know he was going crazy from the mushroom stuff, but he's not above making silly puns, he's a dad now and also he's naturally silly.
(NGL I really gotta make up my mind about how it all happened ajsdkad)
-She's a spoiled kid and also a little menace, unintentionally evil, she can't help it.
>Good-hearted too sometimes, she loves Sage and does her best to protect her back (it's not necessary but it's appreciated anyways).
-Robotnik calls himself 'daddy' way too much in the live-action movies to ignore it, so he's daddy and Stone's dad (dada when she was younger).
>"These are my daddies!" (points to what's clearly two villains -but also good fathers-)
-She has Robotnik's eyes but as big as Stone's. They're the lethal-est sad puppy eyes ever (they work wonders on both parents and other people) (both men got beautiful dark brown eyes with visible eyelashes fight me).
>Look at Eggman's silly eyelashes:
>Also, you know that picture of Lee Majdoub with the beautiful everything? I think he was wearing eyeliner so my Stone wears eyeliner too in contrast to Eggman's dark circles under his eyes JDJS😭
-She's the five-year-old that made Sonic fear them because 'they can be so cruel when they sense weakness' (she was brutally honest as any young kid is).
-Stone and Robotnik got Gomez and Morticia Addams kinda parenting. They see their child beating up someone and they're like:
"What did we do wrong?" (Stone while shaking his head in disappointment) "I know... she lacks resourcefulness." (Eggman) "Exactly, there's her baseball bat right there, why doesn't she use it?"
-Remember that Shadow said in a game that he wouldn't mind taking a candy from a baby? (fandub I think but still) This comes in handy when neither Tails, Sonic or Knuckles want to upset the kid (so Shadow does it instead).
-She plays sports too because she got too much energy. In each of them she loses her patience. She grabs the football and hauls it at the nearest team member, she throws her baseball bat to the ground and starts beating up whoever threw the ball that she missed, she stomps in frustration if she loses, she's great at dodgeball (sends her classmates to the infirmary).
-Throws tantrums and stuff and overall's an annoying kid if she's upset. Eggman's like UGH WHY'S SHE LIKE THIS?? and Stone's like Because of you, doctor (terrible temperament runs in the family and also Robotnik just spoiled her too much).
-I'm kinda dressing her up in the clothes that existed in my mind that supposedly Eggman wore (the weird dress-like jacket with the big zipper in the middle). Under her jacket there's a dress in the same pattern as the original Eggman's clothes, also she wears a baby onesie like that too.
-When she's older she's definitely proud of her fathers, but she doesn't appreciate the rumors that she's prone to go power-crazy like Robotnik did. Especially because it may be true, but what do they know.
-For the irony, she can't stand drinking coffee, but loves the smell of it because it reminds her of home (omg).
-THEY HAVE A PET CAT like I read in some fics and her name is Robot and she's a lil shit and also grumpy like Robotnik.
>Maybe she brings her alive mice to experiment on all sort of stuff (like Pávlov and his dogs and the guy Skinner with his mice and cats (??))
-She gets to hang out with Sonic and friends under the condition of annoying him as much as possible. So, she complies. (She loves Sonic the Hedgehog, but she loves making her fathers happy more).
-Very smart kid but not to the level of Tails or Robotnik at that age, she's just got very good memory and learning skills and knows a lot of stuff ever since she was a little kid. More like a Matilda-kinda intelligence.
-She's a scientist when she grows up too but the kind that makes evil potions and serums and stuff aksjdk probably (chemistry things? biochem idk). She can make silly little robots for the fun of it but it's not her passion, unlike Robotnik and Stone's. PROBABLY. I'm still deciding.
-BTW LOOK (it says 'carefully crafted ploy to distract space porcupines')
>While Eggman's there with the baby and Sonic in front of him going AWWW BABY BOO and making her laugh, Stone is sneaking up on him holding a chair above his head to knock him out.
THAT'S IT THANKS FOR READING ✨✨
#sonic the hedgehog#my art#agent stone#doctor eggman#ivo robotnik#aban stone#coolest fanmade name#stobotnik#I'm so normal about my fanbabies#Ivania Robotnik is too obvious but also why not#Sofia Robotnik sounds cool tho#fankids#I gave up on coloring everything sorry#SONIC BOOM EGGMAN MY HUSBAND 🗣️🗣️🗣️#When I was a kid I watched that show just for him whwhw#pls pls pls receive this well i want to draw these villains in love more#eggman being in love with stone is my favorite thing in fics#he loves in such a weird way but it's okay Stone loves it
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
So I keep seeing people play the "Harris is a Cop, so I'm not voting for her because ACAB" card, and not even pointing out that she was a DA/Prosecutor rather than an actual cop seems to change their minds - as far as they're concerned, working with cops in any capacity makes you a cop. Do you happen to have anything that'd make for a good counterpoint to this argument (or, at the very least, something to make those of us who still plan on voting for her despite our dim views on Law Enforcement not feel so bad about it)?
....Not feel so bad about it?
First of all: these are laughably, incredibly unbelievably unserious people, and frankly, my first advice would be NOT to bother trying to engage with them at all, because there is nothing whatsoever they will ever accept in the way of logical proof to change their minds. First it was "you can't ask me to vote for Biden specifically because of [insert issue here.]" This changed a lot, from Roe getting overturned by the corrupt SCOTUS, to the train strike (hey anyone remember that?) to student loan forgiveness and then had settled firmly on Gaza. So now, lo and behold, they're given exactly what they asked for: a new younger candidate who is not Biden and explicitly more progressive on the Gaza issue (Harris was the first member of the administration to openly call for a ceasefire). So they turn their noses up, rush to their favorite 2020 disinformation founts that were first spouted when they were trying to sabotage her in favor of Bernie (who endorsed Biden pretty strongly before he dropped out), flirt with Jill "Actual Agent of Putin" Stein, and other equally expected and equally bullshit maneuvers. Lololololololol online leftists. Never change, or something.
That said: because their minds are so set that they will never vote for any Democrat ever, you can't really give them any logical information to separate them from this conclusion. I don't have the links on hand, but etc Google and Wikipedia are free: Harris's tenure as district attorney and California AG was progressive even by modern standards, and it was happening in the early 2000s: she refused to prosecute for low-level weed offenses, pushed for harder sentences for assault weapons, performed gay marriages LONG before it was legal even in San Freaking Francisco, refused to seek the death penalty, worked with restorative justice programs, etc. This was after she was a first-generation American child of brown immigrants who took advantage of equal-opportunity education programs to go to law school, and her parents were already high-achieving academics (one a cancer researcher from India and one an economics professor from Jamaica). Sure sure, she definitely seems exactly like Derek Chauvin to me. Critical thinking is great! #VoteJillStein! A literal puppet of Putin and unabashed Assad fangirl is definitely the pro-peace morally correct option here!*
In other words, the morons do not give a single shit about factual reflections of Kamala's record. They do not care about whether her time as a district attorney was progressive (it was) and whether she was actually a cop (she wasn't). They're so wedded at the hip to their braindead disinformation propaganda that now we're going to see the excuses change at lightspeed from why they can't vote for Biden specifically to why they can't vote for Harris specifically. None of it will be remotely tethered to reality and all of it will be in extreme and obvious bad faith. As I said, there are plenty of persuadable voters elsewhere who HAVE been energized by her elevation to candidacy. If you are indeed interested in winning voters to her side (as opposed to having to find reasons to justify yourself to the All Voting Is Evil crowd who will never listen to or believe you anyway), I suspect your time would be better spent elsewhere, and outside the echo-chamber leftist social media space in general.
Aside from that, I have gotten a few hand-wringy asks about Kamala and the election overall, and I gotta say, I am not going to waste my time and effort replying to them. We have about 100 days to win this election or become a fascist dictatorship. We are already in uncharted territory, but the replacement of Biden with Harris went UNIMAGINABLY smoothly, far, far more than anyone (including me) ever expected. It reminds me of the presto-chango that the French center, left, and center-left parties pulled off to replace candidates, IN FIVE DAYS, to better position themselves to defeat the fascists. Compared to that, three and a half months is a cakewalk, but we still absolutely do not, DO NOT, have time to sit around worrying and hand-wringing about this or that hypothetical Bad Thing. It deeply unsurprises me to hear that US Online Leftists are still throwing snits and pitching their toys out of the pram rather than getting on board, but the rest of us don't have any time to waste and need to apply our energy to where it will be best put to use. So yes.
*extreme, extreme sarcasm alert
461 notes
·
View notes
Text
Teach me 4 (Chris Sturniolo x y/n)
Part. 1 Part.2 Part.3
Mesterlist.
Warning: Bit of angst, Smut content, don’t like it = don’t read it :)
Summary: Two years have passed since Chris and Y/N's breakup. Many things have changed, but apparently not the feelings Y/N has for Chris. But how will her return to Boston for the summer holidays unfold when she knows she hasn't moved on?
Note : I'm sorry for making you wait so long for this fourth part. I just wanted to make sure I did it right. Despite everything, I'm still afraid this part won't please you as much, and I apologize if the result isn't what you expected. I did my best.
•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•
"Julia, stop, that's enough," I said, bursting into laughter at the excited screams of my best friend on the other end of the line.
"Stop?? It's been almost 2 years since we last saw each other, y/n. How do you expect me to keep calm when I'm going to see you in less than 24 hours?" She said, overexcited, and I could hear her fidgeting in every direction.
Indeed, it had been a while since I left Boston. After my parents sent me to the other side of the country, I started researching universities nearby. At the end of high school, I wasted no time in enrolling and starting my studies.
I had successfully completed my first year at the university, and now it was summer vacation. My parents agreed to let me return to Boston to enjoy my break with them and my friends.
As for my relationship with my parents... Let's say things are different, but the distance imposed on us did me good. I had finally started to live for myself, and many things had changed in my life. As for them, they were content because my results were excellent, and they could see that I had gained autonomy and maturity since my departure.
Anyway, two years had passed, and my life had changed a lot, but I was so happy to finally be back in Boston.
"Yeah, I know," I said, chuckling. "I can't wait to see you and the others," I said, turning around to lie on my back in my bed.
"We'll have to organize a party for your return!" Julia screamed in my ears.
"No, Ju, please, that's enough," I said, moving the phone away from my ear a bit, which she had just shattered again.
"Huh huh, anyway, you don't have a choice. Mom's not here for 3 days, and it's perfect for the party we're going to have when you get back!" She said, emphasizing the word 'party.'
"Juliaaaa!" I said, sighing. "Who are you even planning to invite to this party? It's not like I had a hundred friends back in high school," I said, laughing.
"We don't care, y/n. Who would refuse a party in a big house during summer vacation? I'll invite our group of friends and then check with the old art group from high school." She started to say, "Oh, and why not the football team! And the lacrosse team and the school mascot! Oh my god, I wonder if he still has his costume; that would be hilarious!" She said, laughing.
The Lacrosse team, Chris.
From that moment on, my mind went on pause, and I didn't really pay attention to what Julia was saying.
It had been so long since I had heard about him. After my departure, I hadn't received any news from him. And it was my fault. Every time Julia tried to talk to me about him, I immediately shut down. I thought with time the pain would fade, but it was false. Four months after my departure, my heart still bled as much as the last time he passed by my window. I had done everything to stop thinking about him and turn the page, and I had done it so well that I almost forgot that by returning to Boston, I would also be returning to him.
"Y/n, are you listening?" Julia said, raising her voice, bringing me back to reality.
"Huh? What? Sorry, Julia, I'm exhausted. I think I need to rest for tomorrow; the journey will be long. Can I call you back later?" I said, stuttering a bit, still destabilized by my thoughts.
"Yeah, sure, don't worry. See you tomorrow. Love you, bye," she said warmly.
"Love you, bye," I said with a small smile before hanging up and placing my phone next to me.
Chris.
Is it normal that my heart still bleeds so much for a high school crush? Am I just too sensitive? Is it because he's the only man I've ever let into my heart until now?
Questions kept piling up in my mind, and no matter how much I shook my head, they wouldn't leave me.
Anxiety eventually took over the excitement. What will happen if we see each other again? Will we even meet? Does he still think about me too? Is his heart still bleeding as well? Did he drown in sorrow when our story ended?
More and more questions. I better close my eyes; tomorrow is a big day...
_______
My morning passed extremely quickly. I woke up a bit late, so I was in a hurry. I got ready quickly, gathered my things, and said goodbye to my roommate not to miss my flight.
My parents picked me up at the airport, and I didn't expect warm hugs, but it was still hurtful to barely get a 'how are you?' The whole ride to the house was filled with discussions about my results and how my life was going there.
It had been a while since I saw them, so I just decided to suck it up, smile, and play the perfect little girl I always portrayed in Boston.
"No, I'm just saying that just because your results are satisfactory doesn't mean you don't need extra courses, you know, those things look good on your record," my mother continued to ramble when we finally arrived home.
God, this journey felt longer than my high school years!
"Yeah, I know, Mom. I'll think about it; can we discuss it later? I'm tired," I said before leaving the car.
Once my suitcase was unpacked, I thought I would have a moment of respite to finally collapse into my bed and rest from this exhausting start to the day. But that was without counting on the stormy arrival of my best friend.
"Y/NNNNN!!!" she screamed, rushing towards me to hug me.
With fatigue and confusion, it took me a few seconds to realize it was indeed her standing in front of me, and suddenly, I felt overwhelmed by my emotions. Tears started to well up, blurring my vision.
"Oh my god, Ju'!" I said, stammering and nervously laughing.
"If you start crying, you know I'll cry too, so stop that right now," she warned me, furrowing her brows not to start crying herself.
"Sorry, sorry!" I said, chuckling and wiping my eyes. "I missed you so much!!" I said, shaking my hands before hugging her again.
I spent the rest of my day with her, talking about everything that had changed in my life since my departure, and for the first time in a long time, I felt genuinely good.
I felt like I was recharging, regaining all the positive energy I had been missing.
"Anyway, you know me; I wasn't going to let a jerk like him talk to me like that. So, I preferred to end our relationship, and it's for the best!" Julia told me.
She had just told me about her latest relationship with one of the lacrosse team players from our high school, and as usual, I couldn't help but think of him.
"Are you sure everything's okay, y/n? Since I started talking about Tom, I feel like you're not really here anymore?" she asked, concerned.
"No! Well, yes, it's okay; don't worry. It's just that—" I began to say before cutting myself off with a sigh. "It's nothing; it's just my return here made me rethink everything that happened before I left," I confessed.
"You mean what happened with Chris?" she said, giving me a sympathetic look. "Sorry, I know we're not supposed to talk about him. Excuse me, I forgot—" she added before I interrupted her.
"No, Julia, it's fine; it's okay. I'm better; I assure you it doesn't bother me anymore," I lied, smiling and grabbing her hand. "I'm better, I promise it doesn't bother me anymore," I lied.
"You know I love you," she said, smiling and squeezing my hand.
"Yeah, I know, I love you too," I replied, chuckling.
After this little discussion, Julia stayed overnight at my place. I eventually gave in and agreed to have the party at her house.
Deep down, I had a bit of hope to come across Chris. I know I shouldn't, but it's stronger than me...
I mean, I would like to know what he's become. Has he continued with lacrosse? Did he go to university? Or has he found a job he's passionate about? Does he still smoke? Has he rebuilt his life with other girls after me?
In a way, I wanted to know to reassure myself that he was doing better and that what I did didn't hurt him too much.
But on the other hand, selfishly, I hoped he had waited for me, that he hadn't seen other girls, and that he was still hoping, just like me, that one day we would meet again.
And God, I know how contradictory it is of me to hope for that when that night I made it clear to him that there would be no chance of things working out. But no matter how much I fought against what I wanted, I knew that my heart was still in his hands, and his alone.
I hate myself for being so stupid and not being able to move on, even though it was just a relationship between two completely lost teenagers for a few weeks.
But I had never experienced anything so genuine. Every conversation, every look, every caress, and every kiss haunt me...
They're still there in a corner of my mind, even though I try to push them away and tell myself it's for the best. My soul screams at me to find his. Maybe that was my punishment—for making him believe that our story could last, for making him believe that the girl he truly loved existed when it wasn't the case.
_________
"Are you sure it doesn't bother you that the lacrosse team is here tonight?" Julia asked me for the hundredth time today.
After our little pajama party at my place last night, we went to her place in the afternoon to prepare for the party tonight.
We were finishing getting ready, and people were supposed to arrive any minute.
"Ju', as I've repeated to you throughout the day, it's fine, it doesn't bother me. And besides, if you don't invite the lacrosse team, what excuse will you find to invite your little Tom and make him regret it?" I said mockingly to tease her.
"Ahaha, very funny. You know very well that I would have found a way, one way or another, to make him regret it!" she added, giving me a playful punch on the shoulder, making me chuckle.
"No, more seriously, y/n, if you're not ready to see Chris tonight, I don't mind kicking the lacrosse team out of the party," she added, becoming serious again.
I sighed before responding, "You know, anyway, I can't ignore him for the rest of my life."
"Julia, I know you're worried about me, but it's behind me, I promise it'll be fine," I reassured her with a reassuring smile.
She began to open her mouth to reply, but she was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell at the entrance.
"Well, it looks like the party is about to start!" she said all hysterical, and I followed her downstairs to welcome the first people.
In the span of thirty minutes, the house filled with teenagers ready to have a blast.
There were mostly people from our old high school; we barely knew half of them, but as Julia had told me, no one refuses a party in a big house like hers during the summer vacation.
It quickly turned into chaos; people were absolutely everywhere, and bottles of alcohol were aplenty, but still no sign of Chris on the horizon.
The party was in full swing; it was almost midnight, and in my despair of not seeing Chris show up, I ended up giving in and joining the game like everyone else, downing drinks one after another, which was not really in my usual habits.
Maybe it was better this way; the more alcoholic beverages passed through my throat, the less Chris haunted my mind. After all, maybe that was my solution.
"Oh, shit, sorry!" I said, bumping into a guy with my head down, making him drop his phone.
I bent down to pick it up before him, and when I raised my head, I came face to face with a face I knew all too well.
"Y/n?" the tall brunet said, looking surprised.
It took me a few seconds to realize it was indeed Matt in front of me.
Chris's brother...
"Oh my god, Matt," I said, surprised. "You're the last person I expected to see tonight!" I said, chuckling.
"And I thought you were on the other side of the country!" he said, also chuckling before opening his arms to hug me.
"What are you doing here?" he asked once our embrace was over.
If I had been a little more sober, this situation would probably have worried me, but at the moment, I was just happy to see him. Matt and I had spent very little time together, but just enough for meeting him at this party to make me super happy.
"I came back for the holidays," I replied, smiling.
"Oh, that's great," he said, smiling too. "You could have at least let us know!" he added, laughing.
"Hey, relax, I just arrived yesterday," I said, rolling my eyes.
Our conversation quickly ended, giving way to an awkward silence. So, without really thinking, I asked him the first question that came to my mind, "Did you come alone ?"
"Oh, um..." he began to say before taking a pause, as if he didn't really know if he should continue or not. "No, I came with my brothers," he said, clearing his throat and running his hand over his neck.
Chris is here.
Suddenly, everything clicked in my head; it was obvious how stupid my question was.
My head started spinning; alcohol seemed to take hold of me even more. It was as if realizing he was there for real had suddenly spiked my blood alcohol level.
"Are you okay, y/n?" he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, looking worried as he saw me pale.
"Um, yeah - yeah, don't worry, I'm just - I've had a bit to drink, you know, it's not really my thing!" I said with a nervous laugh, trying to hide my distress at the moment.
"Do you want me to get you a glass of water? Or something else? I'm sorry if it's me who put you in this state by talking about—" he started to say before I cut him off.
"No! - Matt, it's fine, everything's okay, it's not your fault. I'm just, I just need some fresh air, that's all," I added.
"Um, okay, do you want me to come with you?" he asked, and I could feel how uncomfortable he felt for me at that moment, and that was really the last thing I wanted.
"That's really nice, Matt, but it's okay, thank you. I'll be fine," I told him with a smile before walking towards the exit.
As I moved through the crowd, I prayed not to run into Chris. I didn't want to see him. I thought I was ready and that it was what I needed, but the state I am in right now proves otherwise.
Fuck this shit, I'm going to need more alcohol for sure to handle this.
In my rush towards the exit, I grabbed the first bottle of alcohol I saw lying around, whiskey - it couldn't get any harder.
Damn, will I ever manage to move on? Am I destined to feel like this for the rest of my days?
Finally reaching the front door, I felt my eyes fill with tears, making my vision completely blurry.
Once outside on the porch, I placed the bottle on the small coffee table there, sat on the outdoor couch, and allowed a few tears to flow.
I could hear the muffled sound of music inside, and paradoxically, the cicadas and the silence of the night outside.
A few minutes ago, I was fine, happy, enjoying the party with my friends, and it took me going back to thinking about him to ruin everything.
Physically, I wasn't doing that bad; I didn't feel the need to vomit or anything. I just had a bit of a spinning head and trouble standing up.
Mentally, though, it was a different story.
My sobbing was interrupted by a noise coming from a little further in the garden.
I raised my head with a start to scan the surroundings, wiping away my tears. I especially didn't want anyone to see the only girl crying at this party. I was already not considered a cool girl at school, but this would have been the icing on the cake.
There shouldn't be anyone outside; Julia had made it clear that she didn't want anyone in her mom's garden.
I spotted a silhouette in the dark, and eventually, I caught the smell of a joint. So, I sighed before getting up to get closer.
"Get out of here, idiot! Julia doesn't want anyone in her garden. It's not that complicated to follow such a simple rule," I shouted at the stranger, rolling my eyes.
He approached me until he reached the point where the porch light could illuminate him.
I took a step back, completely thrown off when I recognized his face.
"Sorry, I just got here. I didn't know we weren't allowed to hang out in the garden," he replied softly, keeping a reasonable distance from me.
"Chris?" that's all that could come out of my mouth at that moment; I was completely bewildered. What was I supposed to do at that moment?
My tears started to flow again, and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
Chris stood there, not saying anything. He was as lost as I was at that moment, but I could see that seeing me cry was far from a pleasant thing for him.
He seemed hesitant, shook his head, and muttered to himself, rolling his eyes, "Fuck this."
The next moment, he took me into his arms, letting my head rest against his chest. It was as if he understood without me needing to express myself.
I broke down, letting my tears flow; that's what I needed—his arms around me. He held me tight, and I simply didn't want this moment to end. With my right hand, I clung to his t-shirt as if my life depended on it.
"Y/n, shhhh," he whispered, caressing my hair when my breathing became irregular due to my sobs.
I couldn't breathe; I felt suffocated. The more tears that fell, the worse it got, but, on the other hand, it felt good. All these emotions I had buried, all these tears I had prevented from flowing, were finally coming out.
"Y/n, calm down," he said, grabbing my cheeks with his hands and bringing his face to mine to look me in the eyes.
"Hey, look at me, look at me, breathe, everything's fine," he reassured me, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
"I-I'm so—" I tried to speak, but I couldn't stop crying.
"I'm so sorry, Chris," I said with a broken and fragile voice, shaking my head.
"Y/n, it's okay, stop," he said, pinching his lips, and I could see tears welling up in his eyes, despite his efforts to suppress them.
"What I did—" I started, trying to calm down, "what I did to you—I had no right to do that. I'm sorry, Chris," I said, letting my head fall once again against his chest and starting to cry even harder.
"Y/n," he said, seizing my face again to look at me, "Y/n, I’m not mad at you. Look at me, I'm fine, everything's fine; it's behind us."
"It's not behind me, Chris," I told him, shaking my head and stepping back.
"It's not behind me at all. It continues to eat me up inside every day! I tried for two years!" I told him with a forced laugh, wiping my tears. "Two years, Chris, two years trying everything to get you out of my head and to stop hoping that things would go back to normal!" I added.
"Y/n—" he said, passing his hand over his face before I cut him off.
"How can you not resent me after what I did to you!?" I said, completely lost.
"Because that's life, y/n!" he said, raising his voice and advancing towards me.
"Because people come in and out of your life, tearing your heart out against their will!" he added, and I just closed my mouth; I didn't expect him to express himself like this.
"Y/n, I could have chosen to hate you, yes, it's true! I could have chosen to keep acting like an idiot and keep destroying myself slowly, as I did in the first months after you left!" he continued to say, carried away by his emotions.
"But what would it have served? What would it have served to keep making the same mistakes all my life?" he asked, and I simply nodded, dumbfounded.
"Y/n, I tried to hate you to make the pill go down more easily, believe me. But how could I hate a girl like you?" he asked, tears in his eyes.
"How could I hate the only woman who managed to open my heart and show me that there's always hope?" he continued, this time advancing towards me, and my heart started racing in my chest.
"I got my act together because you deserved someone better. You deserved to know that I was doing well, and I knew! Believe me, I knew how much you blamed yourself," he said, wiping my tears.
"That night when you told me straight in the eyes that you no longer loved me and that you no longer believed in us, I knew you were lying to protect me," he said, and I felt tears flowing again.
"You lied to me to protect me without even thinking about yourself. You put me before you, where no one had done it before," he continued, tapping his chest.
"Chris—" I said with a weak voice.
"No, I don't blame you, y/n. I don't blame you because I know you simply didn't have the choice to do that," he said, wiping my tears.
"And these last two years, I lived in doubt because I wasn't sure 100%, but when I saw your gaze on this porch, all my doubts flew away, and now I know," he said, plunging his eyes into mine.
I looked into his eyes; I had managed to regain normal breathing, and everything he had just told me had calmed my heart.
The open wound in my chest, bleeding and letting all my distress pour out, was closing.
I didn't know what to add; I didn't know what to say to him. It felt like a million things were happening in my mind, but what could it possibly mean?
And then my thoughts escaped my mind, fixating on his blue eyes, his pure eyes, his sincere gaze fixed on me.
I had forgotten how beautiful this man was.
I became aware of his warm hands on my cheeks; my heartbeat quickened, and I thought I saw a glint of desire growing in his eyes.
The silence became heavy, yet neither of us wanted to say anything.
Our faces slowly approached, and my eyes juggled between his and his lips.
What was happening? Was it supposed to be good? Or bad?
I wanted to throw myself at him, yes, but was it correct? Was it the alcohol? Did I misinterpret what was happening?
"Chris—" I said in a soft, almost inaudible voice before he closed the gap between our lips.
Shivers ran through my entire body; it was soft and so good.
His soft lips moved perfectly against mine.
One of his hands resting on my cheek slid down to the small of my back.
Meanwhile, my two hands found their place on his chest, and our kiss deepened.
This kiss, originally meant to say ‘welcome home’, quickly became more profound.
Our tongues collided; things escalated. The hand that rested on my waist descended to grip my hip, while one of my hands left his chest to settle on the side of his neck.
I felt something reignite in me, something I hadn't felt in a very long time: desire.
I became aware of what was happening, and I snapped out of this trance by stepping back and opening my eyes.
I caught my breath before telling him, "Chris."
"I'm sorry," he said, catching his breath too.
"We can't do this; we can't revisit this. I'm back in Boston only for the holidays," I said, shaking my head, trying to think of something else.
"Sorry, I don't know what came over me; I shouldn't have." he said, running his hand through his hair.
"It's okay," I said, stepping towards him and placing my hand on his shoulder.
"I just found you again when I didn't think I'd have this chance; I want to do things right," I confessed.
"So, does that mean we're friends now?" he asked, and his question tore at my heart because, of course, I didn't want to be just friends. But things were too complicated for us to allow anything more.
"Yes, it means we're friends," I said, smiling slightly, and he returned a smile.
"I missed you," he said, hugging me.
"Missed you too," I replied, "feels like it's been ages since we last caught up," I added, chuckling.
"You must have hundreds of things to tell me then," he said, separating and smiling.
"I don't want to spoil your evening with my stories; it can wait," I told him, running my hand through my nape.
"Y/n, I went out to smoke a joint alone because this party is really lame," he said, rolling his eyes, "so believe me, I'd rather sit here with you and listen to everything you have to tell me."
"Hey, it's my comeback night, you're not allowed to say it's lame!" I told him, offended, giving him a shoulder punch.
"Okay, okay, sorry!" he said, laughing, before sitting on the couch, and I followed suit.
He took a joint out of his pocket, and before lighting it, he turned to me. "Hmm, want some?"
"Oh no, thanks, I'll stick to this tonight," I said, grabbing the bottle I'd left on the small table.
"Whiskey?" he said, surprised, "who are you?" he joked.
"Shut up, idiot, I grabbed the first bottle I came across on my way here," I said, rolling my eyes.
The conversation flowed naturally between us; it was almost as if we had never been apart. Of course, in two years, both he and I had changed a lot, so it was a bit strange. However, that connection, that complicity we had, seemed intact.
I'm not sure how long we stayed on that porch, talking, but the bottle I had drunk was already half empty, and Chris must have been on his third joint since the beginning of our conversation.
"I can't believe you told him that!" Chris said, laughing.
"I warned you; I'm not the helpless little girl I used to be," I replied, chuckling and shrugging.
"Yeah, I saw that," he said, gradually stopping his laughter.
The silence returned, and I was lost in my thoughts, already quite tipsy and in a curious mood.
I had been hesitating for several minutes, debating whether to ask him a question. The more I drank, the more I wanted to ask, even though I knew it wasn't the best idea.
"Chris?" I finally said softly, breaking the silence.
"Hmm?" he simply replied, turning his head towards me.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked him timidly.
"You just did," he said with a smirk.
"No, seriously, stop it!" I said, laughing and giving him a shoulder punch.
He straightened up, turning completely towards me, resting his head on his hand with his arm leaning against the top of the couch. "Seriously, I'm listening," he said, still with that sly smile.
His eyes were red and squinted because of the weed, and I won't lie, it made him quite sexy... or maybe I had had a bit too much to drink; what was I even saying?
"Have you dated other girls since we broke up?" I asked, instantly regretting it.
"Y/n—" he began before I cut him off.
"Sorry, that was a dumb question. I don't know what got into me," I said, hiding my face with my hands.
He chuckled at my action. "It's okay; I don't mind answering if you answer too..." he said, shrugging.
I removed my face from my hands to look up at him.
"But are you sure you really want to hear my answer?" he added.
I just nodded.
"I've slept with other girls, yes," he began, and I cut him off without thinking.
"How many?" I asked, sitting up.
"I don't really know, two or three, but they were just casual things, especially at the beginning when I needed to distract myself," he explained, feeling the need to justify himself.
"Okay... and why?" I asked.
"Why what?" he asked, confused.
"Why casual? In two years, you had plenty of time to find another amazing girl to be with. You can't make me believe that as the first one to fall for you, no other girl wanted you," I said, rolling my eyes.
"I didn't want to..." he confessed to me. "I— " he started before sighing, "I'm not sure if it's a good idea to explain why," he said, looking away.
"No, tell me; I want to know now," I urged him.
"Y/n," he said, looking me in the eyes.
"Chris, please, it's okay; we're just talking," I said, eager to know more.
"None of those girls were comparable to you," he admitted, "and I know it sounds silly, but it's just the truth. I couldn't get interested in those girls, and it wasn't their fault; they were interesting, and in another context, it might have worked with them," he said honestly.
"But my mind kept comparing them to you; none of them talked like you," he started saying, "none of them laughed like you," he added.
"None of them kissed like you," he said, looking at my lips, and I felt my panties dampen at that. Fuck.
"Every time I slept with another girl, I couldn't help but think of you, your body, and your moans," he said, lost in his thoughts.
"I couldn't stop thinking about how your lips wrapped so perfectly around me," he said, and I had to slightly open my mouth to get more air.
He shook his head, snapping back to reality. "Anyway, until now, I haven't been able to settle down with another girl because the only one I have in my mind is you," he said shyly.
I stared at him, mouth agape. I was dying to have him; everything he just told me had me way too excited.
"And you?" he asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"What?" I said, clearing my throat.
"And you, have you dated other guys?" he said, chuckling.
"Oh!" I said, blushing. "No, none," I replied timidly.
"None?" he repeated, surprised, and I simply shook my head from side to side.
"And how many guys have you slept with then?" he asked.
I took a moment to answer, embarrassed by the situation.
"Y/n, it's okay; you can tell me. I just told you mine!" he said, rolling his eyes.
"I-" I said before sighing and biting my lip, and he furrowed his brows.
"None..." I said softly.
His eyes widened at my response.
"Are you serious?" he asked to make sure.
"Stop it; you know very well that I'm not the type to sleep around," I said, feeling awkward.
"No, I know that; it's just hard for me to conceive that you've managed two years without sex," he said with a smirk.
"Wait, what does that mean?" I said, furrowing my brows.
"Y/n, when we were together, you played the innocent a lot, but you can't deny that you were just as horny as I was, if it’s not more…" he said, laughing.
"Chris!" I said, bringing my hand to my mouth before chuckling as well.
"No, I'm not saying it's a bad thing; on the contrary, it was something I loved about you," he said honestly.
"I even found it rather sexy..." he added, shrugging.
I squeezed my thighs together at that moment, and Chris noticed because I saw his eyes leave mine and land on my thighs.
"We should change the subject," I said, taking a deep breath and running my hands over my thighs, a bit embarrassed.
"Sorry, I didn't know it would have that effect on you," he said, unable to help but smile.
"It's okay," I said, biting my lip.
We looked at each other for a moment, both feeling a bit awkward.
His eyes briefly shifted to my chest, and that was the last straw for me.
Without thinking twice, I straddled him, immediately connecting our lips. He didn't waste a second to put his hands on my hips, making me moan.
He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth, and I started rocking my hips against him, making him groan in response.
His hands came to grip my hips to stop my movements, eliciting a frustrated groan from me.
"Y/n, this isn't right," he said, separating our lips.
"Chris, I don't care," I said, reconnecting our lips instantly. I was too hungry to stop there.
My hip movements resumed, and I could feel his erection through his jeans.
My hands were on his cheeks, and his hands firmly held my hips.
"You said we should do things right and that we were friends," he said, separating our lips again.
"Y/n, you've been drinking, and I don't want it to be something you regret tomorrow," he added.
"Some friends sleep together sometimes..." I said innocently, playing with his necklace.
He bit his lip and looked away. If there was one thing that could make this man weak, it was my way of acting innocently with him.
"Y/n," he said, closing his eyes and letting out a frustrated groan.
I knew I could make him crack; I just had to tease him enough.
I buried my head in his neck to kiss and leave a few love bites.
He tossed his head back to give me better access. "Fuck..." he whispered, and I slowly resumed my hip movements.
"Y/n, stop this," he said weakly, still with his fingers dug into my hips.
"Make me stop," I whispered in his ear before leaving a trail of kisses on his jawline.
"Y/n," he said in a firm voice this time, grabbing me by the neck to make me face him. "Don't play with my nerves like that."
"Chris, please," I said, gripping the wrist of the hand around my neck.
"I'm the one asking you. It's just a favor we're doing each other as friends," I said with a slight moan. "You help me fill the void I've felt for 2 years, and I give you the opportunity not to have to just imagine fucking me for once," I added.
"You said it yourself, no girl moans like me, no one kisses you like me, and their lips don't wrap around you as well as mine do," I continued to convince him.
"It's just a one-time thing. After that, I swear we'll be just friends for real, please, Chris, I need you," I pleaded.
I don't know if it was the alcohol or simply the lack of sex, but I never thought I'd be capable of saying such things to a guy in my life.
"Just a one-time thing?" he asked.
"Just a one-time thing," I replied, nodding.
"Fuck, this is so fucking wrong, y/n. What are you doing to me?" he said before kissing me again without removing his hand from my neck.
He slid his hand under my dress to grab my ass and massage it while helping me grind against him.
"Mmph, Chris," I moaned into our kiss.
"Shhhh," he said, slapping my ass.
I started pulling at his T-shirt to signal that I wanted him to take it off.
"Not here, princess," he said, smiling against my lips before separating them. "Stand up," he ordered, and I obeyed.
He stood up as well, firmly grabbing my hand before guiding us inside.
We quickly made our way through the crowd, passing by Nick, who tried to stop us, but Chris simply ignored him, too busy at that moment trying not to bend me over one of the tables in the house to fuck me in front of everyone.
We climbed the stairs, and Chris opened the first door he saw, which happened to lead to Julia's room. If she finds out about this, she's going to kill me.
He slammed the door shut behind us, making sure to lock it.
Then, he pressed me against that door, tightening his grip around my neck just enough to restrict the blood flow, causing my head to spin.
He wasted no time in forcefully removing my dress, it was so abrupt that he could have torn it if he wanted.
"Chris, be careful, take it easy," I said, chuckling, before he silenced me with yet another kiss.
"Don't ask me to fucking take it easy when you've spent the last 10 minutes teasing me on that damn couch, y/n," he said, removing his T-shirt.
He took off my bra, adding, "I fucking missed you."
The next moment, he slid his hands to the back of my thighs and lifted me, making me moan in surprise. It seemed like the hold he had on me back then hadn't changed.
He reconnected our lips, heading towards the bed where he tossed me, making me moan again from the sudden force.
"Chris," I sighed in a heated breath as I sat up, facing him at waist height.
But before I could reach for his belt to undress him, he violently pushed me back. "You'll move when I tell you to move. Have you forgotten your manners?" he said, a smirk playing on his lips.
His gaze was dark and intense; he could have threatened to kill me, and I would have moaned because of how much he affected me.
"Touch yourself," he ordered.
"What?" I said, feeling my face turn all red.
"Don't make me repeat myself; you heard me," he said authoritatively.
I swallowed hard before starting to take off my panties.
"I didn't tell you to remove your panties," he said, interrupting me.
"But—" I began to say before he cut me off.
"Is it so hard to be a good girl, Y/n? In two years, have you forgotten everything?" he said, shaking his head.
His words made me even wetter; I dreamed of one thing only: feeling him inside me.
"No, sorry," I said before starting to make circular motions on my clit through my panties.
He licked his lips, slowly removing his belt without taking his eyes off me.
"Stand up," he ordered.
Without hesitation, I stood up, still looking at him innocently in the eyes.
"You are so fucking beautiful, Y/n," he said, holding me by the chin.
His compliment made me immediately smile and blush.
"Your wrists," he asked, letting go of my chin, and I handed him my wrists.
With his belt, he tied my wrists together before kissing me.
He leaned towards me without breaking our lips to signal me to lie down on the mattress, which I did.
He separated our lips for a brief moment to press my arms above my head. "Don't move," he whispered before sliding his lips into my neck.
"My poor baby, I can't believe you've abstained for 2 years," he said before descending his kisses towards my chest.
"Now that I'm here, I'll take care of that for you, my princess," he said, circling one of my nipples with his lips to kiss it.
"Chris, please," I moaned, wriggling a bit.
"Shhhh, be patient, believe me, I won't stop there," he said before starting to descend his kisses towards my lower abdomen.
The closer he got to my thighs, the more I felt like I was losing my mind. It had been so long since I had felt that burning desire between my legs.
"Fuck, Chris, stop, please, I need you," I pathetically begged when he started to kiss my pussy through my panties.
He just chuckled at my pleas before removing my panties and diving his head between my legs.
He surrounded my clit with his lips, and I couldn't hold back the moans that escaped my mouth at that moment.
Lost in my own pleasure and especially completely carried away by the sensation of his tongue against me, I brought my two hands, still tied, to his hair to hold on.
He lifted his lips from me, making me raise my head towards him. "No, don't stop, Chris!" I said desperately.
"I told you not to move, Y/n," he reminded me, placing my hands back above my head.
"I'm sorry, I had—" I was interrupted in the middle of my sentence by his hands abruptly grabbing my waist to turn me over.
"What are you doing?" I said in a surprised moan when he grabbed my hips to put my ass in the air.
"This way, you'll have a much harder time moving," he said, and I could hear the smugness in his tone.
He kissed the base of my lower back, making me shiver, ensuring that my head remained pressed against the mattress below me.
He then placed a few kisses on my ass before resuming his work between my legs.
One of his hands kneaded my ass while he teased my entrance with the fingers of his other hand.
"Oh my—Chris," I said when he accelerated his tongue movements.
The sensation in my lower abdomen that I hadn't felt in so long was building up again; I was extremely close.
"C-Chris, I'm gonna cum," I moaned, burying my head in the pillow to try to muffle the sound of my moans.
"Give it to me, baby," he said, inserting two of his fingers into me and reconnecting his tongue to my clit.
"Fuck, Chris!" I exclaimed, feeling my legs tremble, and within seconds, my orgasm overwhelmed me.
Chris didn't detach his lips from me; he continued, and his fingers didn't slow down either. "Chris, I- I can't," I told him, breathless.
He detached himself from me at the sound of my words and turned me over again onto the mattress to kiss me.
I put my hands, still tied behind his neck, to bring him impossibly closer to me, which seemed to amuse him, judging by the way he smiled against my lips.
"You taste so fucking good, baby," he complimented me between our kisses, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
I was still very sensitive, but I wanted more, I needed more.
So, I tightened my legs around his waist so that his erection pressed against my pussy.
"Are you that impatient?" he chuckled before reaching between our bodies to unbutton his pants, and I just nodded.
He straightened up to completely remove his pants and boxers before returning to position himself between my legs.
"If it hadn't been so long, I would've edged you for hours," he said, rubbing his tip against my thighs without entering.
"Chris, please, stop talking—" Before I could finish my sentence, he entered me without warning, making me moan in harmony with him.
"Oh my god, y/n, fuck, you're so—" I didn't let him finish his sentence, immediately capturing his lips in a passionate kiss.
He started moving inside me slowly, taking care to go all the way in with each thrust.
Our lips were still connected, our tongues perfectly synchronized—everything was perfect with him.
His pelvic movements accelerated, prompting me to throw my head back to moan once again.
"God, I'll never get tired of the sounds you make. Fuck, it's too good," Chris said, moaning as well, his head completely immersed in my neck, where he left fiery kisses.
"Chris—mmph," I started to speak but couldn't formulate my words correctly. Chris fucked me so well that I lost my words.
"What, baby? What do you want?" he said, seizing my chin to make me look into his eyes.
"I want to—fuck!" I said, moaning and closing my eyes. I felt him everywhere in me; it was too good.
"You can do it, sweetheart. Take your time," he said with a smirk, not slowing down.
"I want to touch you," I said, moaning again. "Please, Chris, I need to feel you," I begged.
He momentarily straightened up without pulling out to unfasten the belt around my wrists.
"Here you go, baby," he said in a soft voice before kissing me again.
This time, my hands went into his hair, neck, and back. I dug my nails into his back and biceps, completely controlled by my pleasure, and began to feel all these sensations invade me.
"Chris, oh my god, I'm so close!" I whined.
He sat up on his knees without pulling out. I moaned as he grabbed my legs and pulled them closer, penetrating even deeper.
"Mmmh, Chris," I moaned, raising my head to look at him.
"Shhhh," he said, placing my legs on either side of his head and encircling my knees with his arms to make sure I couldn't move.
He began thrusting into me at an unbearable speed, and the new angle allowed him to go really deep. His eyes were fixed on the lower part of my belly, where he could see himself entering and exiting. "Fuck," he exclaimed, keeping his mouth open.
"Chris! Chris, fu—god, don't stop!" I said, feeling my orgasm hit me hard when I started clenching around him. He spread my legs again to kiss me while still penetrating me, allowing me to ride out my orgasm.
He gradually stopped his pelvic movements while continuing to kiss me. Our kiss was tired and messy, but he didn't stop there.
We were both catching our breath. He separated our lips, pressing his forehead against mine. We stayed like that for a few seconds before he straightened up and withdrew from me, making me moan because I was still extremely sensitive.
I expected anything but what he did the next second. He grabbed me by the hips and turned me over again, pushing me on all fours.
"Chris, what—" Before I could finish my sentence, he started pounding into me without mercy, making me cry out in surprise and pleasure.
"Oh my fuck, Chris, I can't!" I told him, burying my head in the pillow once again.
"Yes, of course, you can. I know you have one more for me," he said without slowing down this time, bringing his fingers to my clit, making my eyes roll back in my head.
It felt so good, but I was still too sensitive; he didn't give me enough respite. I felt like my heart was going to give out from the intensity. I couldn't help but moan, even though I was unsure if I really wanted him to stop because I could already feel my third orgasm approaching.
"Do you really want me to stop?" he said in my ear, slowing down and pressing his chest against my back.
When he slowed down, I felt my orgasm slipping away, and I thought I was losing my mind. "No! Don’t stop, I can take it!" I said, shaking my head.
He wrapped his arm around my throat to hold me in place "that's my girl," he said and sank his teeth into my shoulder, mixing pleasure and pain in the best way possible. He sped up again, his fingers massaging my clit, and his shaft going as deep as possible, making me see stars.
I was close, and so was he; I could feel it in the way he moaned. "Y/n, oh my—"
"Chris, I'm so close," I cried, feeling my orgasm on the verge of exploding.
"Give it to me, baby. Fuck, cum for me, princess," he said, and that was all I needed to climax. This one was more intense than the others, stronger and more hypnotic.
After a few more thrusts, Chris also came, moaning my name in my ear. "Oh my god," he said, breathless, before pulling out and collapsing beside me.
I didn't move a muscle, too exhausted from everything that had just happened. "Are you okay, baby?" he asked, concerned, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just need to catch my breath," I replied, chuckling.
He laughed too before getting up to find something to clean me up. After a few minutes catching my breath in Chris's arms, we decided to get dressed and join our friends downstairs before someone noticed our absence.
And when I say someone, I obviously mean Julia, who will probably kill me when she finds out I slept with Chris in her bed.
Before leaving Julia's room, Chris kissed me one last time. "I missed you so fucking much," he said.
I chuckled before replying, "I missed you too, but we need to leave this room now." I said playfully, giving him a playful punch on the shoulder.
We finally left the room, and our paths separated when we arrived in the living room because Nick needed to talk to Chris privately.
I was about to join my best friend when I felt someone grab my arm.
I turned to see who it was and found myself face to face with a girl with brown hair and light eyes.
"Who the fuck are you?" she asked me, full of rage.
I was completely confused because I didn't know this girl at all, and I didn't understand why she was addressing me this way.
"Hmm? Y/n, who are you?" I asked, furrowing my brows.
Her eyes widened when she heard my name, and she let out a fake laugh at my response.
"I'm Tess, Chris's girlfriend!" she said with a big smile before approaching me. "So I suggest you keep your distance from him if you don't want me to bash your little depraved slut face!" she said, pushing me before turning on her heel and walking away.
Chris's girlfriend?!!
What the fuck?
Taglist: @chrisloyalgf @christopherscamopants @blahbel668 @thematthewlover @mattsturnioloarchive @carolinalikesthings @bernardsgf @whicked-hazlatwhore @hearts4chris
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo edit#nicolas sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#smut#teach me
197 notes
·
View notes
Note
As someone who is partly deaf, I love that deaf Tim stuff. But hear me out for something that could work for either of them. What if on complete accident when both the Bats and Rouges hear about Tim's disability, the Rouges are the ones who do a better job with not looking down on Tim. Yes they add things to help him, like for Deaf Tim Joker would also use ASL as he monologs to make sure that Tim can understand him or with Blind Tim Riddler makes puzzle rooms themed around telling the difference in textures or he reads all the riddles out loud.
Meanwhile the Bats are. They *tried* ok? But they keep over compensating because they worry about Tim. Unlike the Rouges who don't pull their punches, during training the Bats do start pulling punches and going a little easier on Tim. Dick keeps trying to do things for Tim that Tim knows he can do. Bruce keeps taking him off cases that involve in person investigation. Damian keeps saying things about how all tasks should be left to him because clearly he's the superior one (if it's early Damian, later on when they're on better terms he wouldn't be as assholish about it but also keeps trying to take over tasks for Tim)
I'm really really glad that you vibed with the AU.
As far as your additions, I 100% agree. Having "good intentions" for people can still be harmful and frustrating. That's why, in these AUs, Tim tries to hide his disability until he's able to prove his efficiency. It's dealer's choice whether the Bats choose to acknowledge the evidence or are still doubting his capabilities.
I think the fic from the OG post has a scene where Babs, Cass, and Tim meet up to discuss the microaggressions they face from the Bats due to their respective disabilities. The sequel definitely has cute interactions between Damian and Tim. Damian refuses for anyone to treat his "rival" as weak or incapable. Peak siblings energy.
The funny part I find about this would be the Rogues accommodating Tim's disabilities just so they can defeat him. If Joker learned ASL for Tim, he'd probably research the hell out of how to look intimidating and scary while doing it (since, depending on Tim's hearing loss, Joker can't effectively utilize the vocal tone skills he's trained to be terrifying). Riddler would treat it as another puzzle and mental exercise (his Riddles would likely increase in accessibility for multiple disabilities as time progresses. He wants to challenge folks by their thinking abilities, not by their ability to test within the constraints placed on them. Perhaps, after his research and new implementations, he even starts targeting schools that unfairly places confines on their students [from both a socioeconomic standpoint and from improper accommodations]).
Anyways, I would love a fic that highlights some of the Bats' treatment of Tim and how not to interact with folks of different disabilities. Stuff like infantilizing, doing tasks for the person without permission, assuming what someone can handle, and disregarding them. It'd be cool to watch Tim try open communication (asking boundaries and what level of assistance the person desires) with all of them. For some, that's all that's needed. They have a clear guideline of "that shit was not okay" and the lines of communication are open for them to ask clarification in the future. For others, they listen to Tim, agree to change, and still pull that shit. I personally vote for Tim getting petty.
I feel like Babs and Cass would be the ones to understand the most that Tim can do anything he sets his mind to (he's so incredibly stubborn that he'd probably even be able to steal LexCorp from Luthor if he was motivated enough. He most likely even has plans already drawn for it ready to implement at any point). Duke would probably understand how others' perceptions of Tim affect him.
I also kill for Tim utilizing WE resources to bring aid and accommodations based on more specific audiences (such as how kids in the foster system, LGBT youth, and those with disabilities [both mental and physical] disportionately make up the homeless population).
I'm rambling a bit because sociology is a passion of mine. I'd get a higher education on the subject if I had the money.
Anyways, I love considering such perspectives in fanfiction. Let me know if there's other stuff I should add to this AU!
139 notes
·
View notes
Note
Would love to hear more about your thoughts on the commercialisation of fandom!!
Ooooh, boy you've opened a can of worms. I took a Fan Studies course at uni for a module bc I could choose it, and I did a lot of research into this specific topic... I hope it's okay that I'm just putting in some of my slides and then summarising underneath each!
Now, fandom in, for instance, fan fiction spaces, works on the basis of a Gift Economy in which gifts rather than money are exchanged. However, these gifts aren't just meant for one person, but for many, and even when you for instance do an artwork or a fanfic for someone, other people can still ALSO read it. These gifts can (but don't have to) be responded to with another gift, be it a comment on a fic, or a fic in return. Now, I could go into much more detail here, but I recommend checking out for instance this text by Trisha Turk on the TWC for some more in-depth stuff about this. (I'll list all the sources I used in the presentation in the end btw!) The gist of it is that fandom is a very complex system in which the reciprocation of gifts - and therefore labour - is distributed across the community.
(more under the cut)
HOWEVER capitalism, as always, comes along and tries to ruin things for profit.
Fandoms continue to form because of the unrestricted movement and no one dictating what is well, "really" canon and what isn't. I'm sure you've witnessed some fans in more recent years refusing to ship things that "won't become canon anyway", positioning the canonicity of a ship or a scenario higher than... well, their own critical reflection and interpretation OF the media and their own creative endeavours. At the end of the day, canon for me personally is something to draw on, negotiate with, or reject if it's stupid, while more recent fandoms I've seen sometimes go about their engagement with fandom as a sort of... worshipping of canon almost, and where being noticed by the creators is sort of the ultimate goal.
Now, this is of course connected to corporations realising that hey, actually people engaging with our media and creating something about it bring in numbers, and with them being able to make a profit off of views on social media, they seek to drive certain forms of engagement with the content. However, they are of course seeking to police HOW you engage with things, and don't you dare stray from their vision too much. This, of course, harms especially marginalised communities who propose alternative readings of media, who subvert the show itself and who transform it into something else, adding themselves into the work and into a world where, by design, they were invisible. It's also an attempt to undermine fan activism and grassroots organising by fans (if you wanna hear more about fan activism shoot me another ask and I will ramble <3 edit: link to post about fan activism) by keeping them in line with a sterilised version of fandom. In this sterilised and controlled version, the forms most often encouraged are things like video edits (but don't be too out there, that's bad too) that can be consumed like content by fandom... They like video edits, sterilised fanart, and things that are easily consumed and bring numbers, but "don't you dare write that nasty Spirk fanfiction where they have sex in the captain's chair! Ewww, yuck yuck!"
Rather than having a fandom driven by community, you have one driven by consumption, and that has become increasingly clear in the past few years, with readers on fan fiction asking "When next chapter?", pressuring artists, writers, etc. for more 'content' for them to consume without a) participating in the Gift Economy fandom is built upon and b) realising that these fan works are gifts to the community in the first place, and not content... These are, by the way, often the same fans who will cheer on AI because now they can finally read a story they wanted someone to continue :D Instead of using their own fucking brain, they're asking a bot trained on scraping works to produce them some bad, surface level jumble of words just so they can consume, consume, endlessly consume without ever having to think.
A few years ago (well in like, the late 2000s), a site called FanLib wanted to profit off of the resale of fanfiction, but were quickly shut down. Their mistake was that they mistook the community of fandom for a commodity to exploit for their own commercial interests. I'm not sure you've seen it, but Wattpad has sent authors emails asking them to update their fics frequently because it would appease the algorithm (see Tumblr Post about this here), which leads me to my next little point!
Algorithms! If you have ever done fan edits and posted them on sites like TikTok, Instagram, etc., you'll have noticed that... unless you post regularly and frequently (like. one edit a day at least), the algorithm will NOT push your video at all and it will be buried. Algorithms are based on how well a post performs not in terms of actual community that is built, but of course on numbers. Wattpad also functions on an algorithmic principle, which is why you have some........ individuals coming to AO3 and complaining about the supposed algorithm, spamming their work and reposting it, yadda yadda. Basically, these fans are so used to being spoonfed by an algorithm by now, they are confused when they are actually left on their own and are supposed to learn some basic fandom rules. It's honestly frightening to see fandom not only be reduced to this surface level interaction and to number-based algorithmic systems, but also to the trend-hopping TikTokification of fandom.
A study done by Booth and Dare-Edwards published in 2021 that focused on school age children basically came to the following conclusions... Children still connect "fan" with the same stereotypes of obsessive and unruly individuals that were plaguing us thirty years ago. A whole bunch of children think fandom is a thing of the past and that it peaked in the early 2000s - and while fandom of course is different now and has changed with the spread of the internet, fandom very much still is A Thing. Further, children connected fandom and being a fan mostly with buying merchandise and collecting, and also with plain consuming content, echoing "neo-liberal associations of ‘emotion’ with ‘buying power’, but at the same time, seemed to pathologize those who practice fandom (as they see it) ‘too much’" (Booth and Dare-Edwards 230). The text concludes that while there has been an explosion of media and you are becoming more multi-facetted in what you are a fan of, lilypad hopping and essentially abandoning fandoms after a brief period of surface level engagement and consuming content is increasingly becoming more common. From my own experience, this is for instance the case with shows like Willow (2022), Good Omens(ish), etc. Pretty much anything more recent doesn't have as stable a fanbase and if you enter the fandom a month too late it's already fizzing out. It's really fucked up, honestly.
Right, after that long tangent about this, I want to bring up ancillary models, which is an attempt by capitalist companies to market the previously unwanted Gift Economy of fandom as something new and desirable, but something they are in control of.
Ancillary Content Models try to lure fans in with "free" Behind-the-Scenes content. The guise they have stolen from fandom of acting like a Gift Economy of saying "here, this is for all our dedicated fans <3 Consume :D" is used to downplay the commercial infrastructure these Content Models (honestly it's already in the name). The "gifted" content is more concerned with getting loads of people to individually consume as much of it as possible to create an alternative revenue on for instance social media through views, clicks, likes, etc. They're essentially trying to commercialise our viewing time and keep us engaged with that additional content as much as possible. Rather than having a community that comes together to share their ideas and stories around a metaphorical campfire, Ancillary Content Models want each person alone to sit and stare at the stuff they put out as much as possible, always placidly clicking "like" and demanding more. They also want to cultivate an "official" fan community (aka the ones most dedicated to consuming additional content) that they can monitor and control, and they don't encourage anything that's too... out there, too subversive, too queer, etc. Coined "re-gifting economy" by Suzanne Scott, capitalism with these Ancillary Content Models has warped the Gift Economy fandom functions on into a model that equates consumption with community, and which wants to profit off of fans' engagement and their free labour of making viral TikTok edits that adhere to the sterilised version of what a fan "should be". The example I used in my presentation for this is from The Dragon Prince, which, while I do love the show, has been pushing such Ancillary Content Models. They also have a Discord (which is regulated and monitored) as their "official fan community" place, and not only are the rules pretty strict, but it also just... doesn't feel like a community but just like a bunch of people wanting more content gathered in one place :/
Now, to conclude this, capitalism sucks and is trying to ruin fandom communities in order to replace them with something they can make some more money of, and rather than having a critical fanbase that questions things, they want one that endlessly consumes the "free" content they churn out. Stay active in fandom, remember we're a Gift Economy, learn the fandom rules, and keep hating capitalism <3
Fan Work: Labor, Worth and participation in Fandom's gift economy by Trisha Turk
Now, the sources I have used for this...
Repackaging fan culture: The regifting economy of ancillary content models by Suzanne Scott
Stanfill, Mel. “The Fan Fiction Gold Rush, Generational Turnover, and the Battle for Fandom’s Soul.” The Routledge Companion to Media Fandom, edited by Melissa A. Click and Suzanne Scott, New York, 2017, pp. 77-79.
"No one's a fan of anything anymore, this isn't 2002.": Surveying 7–17-year-olds on being a fan and contemplating the future of fandom. by Paul Booth and Helena Louise Dare-Edwards
#fandom#fandom thoughts#fandom culture#fan studies#fandom studies#fandom meta#fandom things#fan culture#fandom stuff#anti capitalism#gift economy#capitalist appropriation#fuck corporations
89 notes
·
View notes
Text
...I'm baaaack.
I mean, I made one post about Swap!PV and then got distracted for months, so I wouldn't really call this a comeback. The moment I did come back though, apparently a bunch of lore just fell from the sky! Beast Yeast is upon us and all of a sudden I remember making an alt. version of this goober.
Turns out there were a few things I wasn't satisfied with in the first one, so here I am with my Swap!Vanilla 2.0 human edition! Even after all this time I still don't have a name for him. There's more white in his design, he has four horns instead of two and they form a crown on his head(that might be a bit hard to see), he also has a halo, his staff changed drastically, and he lost his soul gem. Instead he has two new smaller gems on his "ribcage".
This time around I tried to invoke more death themes, hence the ribcage, more wrappings, the halo, and the burn marks from, y'know, being re-baked and essentially reborn. The halo also makes for a nice double meaning, showing his somewhat good intentions behind the violence and spreading chaos gig.
Speaking of intentions, I maybe or maybe not have mentioned the only swaps happening in this proposed AU are between PV and WL and [possibly] Black Raisin and Red Velvet. I say maybe because if I checked, all the writing would disappear and I would have to start over again. However, I have wondered if those two swapped, how would PV handled the kingdoms? Would it be the same as DE or would the fates of each kingdom end up being swapped as well? It's something I definitely need to think on and develop.
Anyways, ramble break, here's a few doodles I did for Swap!PV!
Yeah, I had a lot of fun doing this. SO! A few changes not mentioned prior. Eyes! There are more eyes, especially on his coat. I took a bit of inspiration from a certain blue jester and his realm of nightmares. It also plays nicely with the whole "truth revealed" theme. Why not give the holder of the light of truth a bunch of opened eyes to represent his awakening? Also they looked good and his cape-coat was too plain without it.
Fun Head Canons: He's always floating, even when he's relaxing his feet never touch the floor. This PV still has a lily garden, it's just hidden away because while he still misses WL despite everything, he refuses to show weakness in front of others. His coat can take the shape of angel wings when angry and multiple eyes can appear when furious or in distress. Speaking of eyes, the ones on his coat glow. Those gems on him are pieces of moonstone that got corrupted after saving him.
As for the story behind him, I had to make a few adjustments. For one, DE and WL are two halves of the same whole, and the only reason either of them exists is thanks to precautions taken by Elder Faerie. Which means Pure Vanilla somehow has to get the stuff from Lily, who came to Beast Yeast without saying much of anything to anyone beforehand. Secondly, it means the Pure Vanilla Kingdom can't be the last kingdom explored. Pre Beast Yeast, the order in which the kingdoms would be explored would change, where White Lily's area would be explored first instead and the Vanilla Kingdom would be last. I'll address the second issue on a different post related to White Lily, but first things first. Fair warning, I wrote quite a bit.
~~~
After forming the seal, White Lily falls ill due to the immense amount of power used. She's not used to using so much of her soul gem, much less creating a seal to lock away ancient evils. Seeing her faltering state, Elder Faerie takes her away to his palace to help her recover. During her time in the palace, White Lily becomes distressed because not only does she feel like she's being a burden, but she won't be able to continue her research on how cookies were made. That was the whole point of coming here, after all. She left her friends and home behind to find the truth and ended up sick and bed ridden instead. The least she could do to redeem herself was to find the truth.
Racked with guilt and regret, she asks Elder Faerie for two favors; she wishes to know the secret behind cookies' creation, and she requests a pen and paper to write with. Before long, White Lily gains a messenger(Silverbell) who gives her books from the library to read, and a way to reach the one other person she understands. Someone who should've known where she was most of all. Pure Vanilla Cookie.
From there the two keep exchanging letters as White Lily brushes up on fae and beast lore. But eventually White Lily would learn about the Night of the Witches in a similar enough way to canon, i.e. finding the book about it. While she's recovered enough, she's still not well enough to go, and Elder Faerie isn't risking her well being and safety for a banquet. She's devastated that her questions may never be answered. If only she could go, if only there was some way to witness it while being in the Fairy Kingdom. And then... she realizes something. Perhaps there is a way for her to know after all...
White Lily, in the discomfort of her hospital bed, writes a letter to Pure Vanilla and asks him to go to the Witch's Banquet in her place. She knows that this is a huge ask, and he has every reason to refuse the favor, but it would mean the world to her if he did. Elder Faerie hears about this and is rightfully worried, telling her about the dangers, and any cookie that goes doesn't come back the same, if at all. He sends his own letter to Pure Vanilla to warn him of the dangers that lie ahead. A few more letters come in from WL apologizing for her request, saying it was out of line and inappropriate. "What a selfish request," she thinks, "after leaving him in the dark for so long, I have the nerve to ask him for anything at all?"
However, despite everything, he eventually decides to go. He knows that this means everything to her, and a part of Pure Vanilla secretly wondered about it as well. White Lily searched heaven and earth to find the truth so she could help others. Why would he keep avoiding it for so long? If he knew the truth as well, perhaps he could use these secrets to help the people of Earthbread alongside her. Maybe now he would finally understand White Lily more.
He wrote a letter addressed to both WL and EF about his final decision. White Lily is surprised at his decision, and is eternally grateful, while Elder Faerie is more resigned and concerned, knowing that he won't be able to change his mind but still wanting to help. He asks her to help write her next letter, and the two send a package to Pure Vanilla. Inside was another letter with the faint smell of lilies, as well as a map to the location of the banquet and a moonstone from Elder Faerie as a show of goodwill and for protection. He in turn sends what would become his final letter to her, unbeknownst to the two reading. He expresses his gratefulness to both WL and EF and declares his determination to find answers both for her and for the sake of everyone, stating, "Let me be your hope when you have none, and you my guiding light in shadows..."
Pure Vanilla proceeds to head to the Witch's Banquet, discovers the bitter truth, and in his attempts to save the other cookies falls into the ultimate dough. The fleeting scent of lilies is the last thing he grasps in his final moments, and the faint glow of a moonstone ensures his survival. His soul gem shatters under the weight of the truth and is scattered across the world, longing to be made whole once again.
~~~
Well! I think I have said everything I can say about him for now. I'm sure I can come up with more things later, but if you read this far, thanks for reading! I did not know I was going to say this much, so yeah. Next post is for White Lily specifically, I hope. I'm also taking suggestions for ideas about the other kingdoms and ways this could go, so if you have anything to suggest, let me know. Y'all have a good evening!
#crk au#crk art#cookie run kingdom#pure vanilla cookie#white lily cookie#elder faerie cookie#cookie run fanart#pure vanilla crk#cookie run au#why did i make this so damn long#fadinglettersau
142 notes
·
View notes
Text
Quick rundown on my actual positions re: the Law of Assumption & reality shifting right now:
I think the practices associated with the Law of Assumption can provide a very real psychological benefit, and I think many practitioners have successfully used it to overcome problems stemming from anxiety, poor self-image, etc.
I am broadly in favor of people using these practices, insofar as they don't exacerbate other mental issues and insecurities, or create other problems. (Needing other people to feel jealous of you to feel good about yourself is inherently unhealthy. Revision is just lying to yourself or others. Everyone Is You Pushed Out is both dehumanizing and victim-blaming.)
I don't think "reality shifting" actually moves people into parallel universes or whatever. I think the manifestation type version works the same way I think the Law of Assumption works. I think the "travel to my favorite fictional world and meet my blorbos" version essentially works by inducing a kind of deep, intense dream state.
I also think confirmation bias leads people to interpret random coincidences and things that probably would've happened anyway as cases of successful manifestation.
I think many cases of successful manifestation can also be explained by the frequency illusion in action. I think they technically count as successes from a psychological standpoint, since it would mean practitioners have successfully trained their brains to hone in on things they want.
I genuinely don't care if you believe that a metaphysical element might be involved. That's fine with me. I draw the line at telling people that they can absolutely, 100% manifest anything at all if they just Do It Right, and at telling people that they are 100% responsible for literally everything that happens to them. There is no context in which claims like these do not lead to psychological and physical harm.
Maybe there are individual cases where Law of Assumption practitioners experienced an extraordinary healing of some kind. I have my own reasons to think that in some rare instances, these things actually do happen. But I also know that there is no reason to think that LOA practices were specifically responsible for it, and I also know that statistically speaking, faith healing kills.
I think a lot of people in this community are lying, because that's just human nature/the nature of the Internet. There's always people who lie.
I also can't rule out psychosis for some people, either.
I have learned from researching and studying scams, cults, and hoaxes that when someone refuses to provide solid evidence to back up their extraordinary claims, it's because they're lying, and that those who play the victim or vilify people when asked for solid evidence want to take advantage of others in some way.
I have also learned that all scammers, cultists/cult leaders, and hoaxters will try to make you think they're the Very Special Exception to this rule. They are not. They never are.
I think the practice of Living In The End is a potential incentive to make false claims. If you're living as if it's already fulfilled, it would only make sense to write a "success story," right?
People who claim they changed the color of their eyes might also not be aware that your eye color can look different under different lighting.
Use the void state or don't, I don't care. I don't think it's harmful. I think it might be beneficial for some. I just don't think it's going to enable you manifest new parents overnight or resurrect the dead or whatever. Again, I think the LOA's benefits are primarily psychological.
I think Neville Goddard was a liar. His ideas didn't come from Kabbalah, they came from Phineas Quimby. They don't derive from Jewish mysticism; they're a close relative of Prosperity Gospel.
I think "Edward Art" is yet another content farm channel.
Spiritual abuse dolled up as self-empowerment is still spiritual abuse. "But we're helping people!" Cool motive, still abuse.
If you're more upset by people calling out the toxic bullshit going on in the Law of Assumption community than you are by the toxic bullshit going on in the Law of Assumption community, you need to fix your heart.
For anyone reading this: If you are leaving or questioning the Law of Assumption and need help, please see this post.
#loa#loassumption#law of assumption#loablr#loa tumblr#neville goddard#edward art#manifestation#eiypo#everyone is you pushed out#reality shifting
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm pissed right now about a lot of personal things and I'm gonna take it out by talking about 911 shit and how people refuse to let tommy grow as a character but take up for literally all the other screw ups on the show. under a cut so you can avoid:
going on instagram is always a mistake but i went on there anyway and people are just being absolute pieces of shit. i do not know a single character on 911 that hasn't fucked up in some way but tommy is the only one not worthy of redemption. i know why, we all know why, but i do not understand why the dipshits that ship buddie so fiercely are so stupid as to not recognize that their little babies are fucked up too.
eddie left his wife and reenlisted because he couldn't handle being a dad, especially to a handicapped kid. then he got pissed when his wife asked for help, asked to go see her family. honestly, do not blame his parents one bit for wanting custody of christopher. they fucking raised him! eddie still relies on the people around him to take care of his needs. he had a one sided friendship with lena, asks buck to babysit more than hangout, was getting flights to vegas out of tommy, and used his girlfriends as glorified babysitters as well. also cheated on his girlfriend with a dead wife lookalike???
hen cheated on her wife for no fucking reason, then spent the next episode all smug when everyone else got their karma for being garbage, and they had karen take her back after like one episode apart?
bobby got his entire family killed.
athena regularly abuses her power as a police officer when it benefits her or her family.
chimney basically lied through the first relationship we ever saw him in, and was a horrible captain.
maddie doesn't know the meaning of staying in your lane and getting the fuck out of other peoples business. she should have been fired a few times over.
buck cheated on his girlfriend, asked her to move in instead of being honest with her, and basically trapped her with him. he also stole firetrucks to go have sex while at work, which he very much should have (permanently) been fired for.
they're all screw ups and that's the whole point!! that they're trying to be better and do better and learn from their past. Everyone gets a free pass but tommy. maybe it's because I relate to him so much, because I once was the old version of him (probably worse tbh) and I worked really fucking hard on myself to be better and do better. i guess it's personal for me because I honestly relate to him more than any of the other characters, but it's also really fucking stupid to be so hateful toward a fictional character and real live person because you want two specific characters (one of whom's actor has said REPEATEDLY is straight) to kiss.
and for all the assholes who want to claim that lou is racist or whatever the fuck you've decided he is this week, I seriously suggest you research a certain regular actor on the show a bit further before you come to me with that shit.
in conclusion, ship whoever you want, i don't give a shit, but stop pretending your character is an angel when in reality they all suck because all humans in general suck!
#911#buddie#or anti i guess?#whatever the fuck i don't care#this is literally me having personal issues at the moment and instead of addressing them im making tumblr posts about 911#please feel free to ignore
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
Deja Vu ~ Russell Adler x Female Reader
{Author's Note} This was inspired by @alypink's recent Adler render where he's leaning against a muscle car AND HOO BOY that put tons of thoughts in my head about a younger Adler before he heads off to Vietnam. Reader in this story dated him before he went off to war and they got together again after the events of the Cold War game. I probably got some timeline stuff wrong but I did my research and tried to keep it consistent lol. A horrendous sinus infection has given me a short break from school as I start some medications to clear it up so that means more time for writing! Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this! I've got plenty of ideas for a younger Adler x reader series so expect more in the future! And let me know if you'd like to be removed or added to the tag list🫶🏻 I don't know if I managed to include everyone that I wanted to so please let me know! AND YES I'm using a Robert Redford gif because they're basically the same person in my eyes LOL {Tag List} @littlemissclandestine @alypink @mctvsh @adlerboi @deadbranch @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world @ghostlythots @glitterypirateduck
Russell Adler x Female Reader
❌Content Warning: none❌
~ ~ ~
1965
“When are you leaving again?”
Adler sends you a glance through dark shades as you pass him a bucket full of water. He takes it easily, hefting it with little issue while you had struggled to lift it only moments ago.
“In a month,” he responds and splashes the bucket’s contents across the windshield of his car. “Higher ups are gettin’ worried about the increased communist presence in Vietnam so they’re sending in some troops. I’ll be going on behalf of the CIA to do some recon and see if we can figure out what’s happening over there.”
You knew that already. He’d told you half a dozen times before but he answered you anyway. He knew how worried you were about the threat of impending war, especially when he was being sent into the midst of it with little choice to refuse.
All you can manage is a nod as you focus on sponging down the window opposite him. He notices your silence and rounds the car, drying his palms on his already damp tank top.
“I’ll be fine, sweetheart,” he murmurs softly as he grasps your chin and guides your face to look at him. You blink back tears and he wipes away the few that manage to escape with gentle thumbs.
“Just gotta make sure the Soviets aren’t meddling in things,” he continues. “It shouldn’t take long.”
You nod as he caresses the curves of your cheeks. “I just want you to be careful.”
And come back alive, you think to yourself. Come back to me.
He leans to press a kiss to the crown of your head. “I will. Promise.”
His lips meet yours in a tender kiss, one that makes you smile and clears the mist from your eyes.
“Now, help me finish cleaning this thing before Sims gets here. He needs to see this baby in all her glory.”
You laugh, feeling your heart lighten as Russ turns up the radio. He bobs his head to The Beach Boys song flowing through the speakers and you promise yourself to commit this moment to memory. The glint of his shades in the sunlight, the shimmer of golden hair as he pushes it off his forehead, the movement of his arms and back as he leans over the hood of his car. The image is imprinted in your mind’s eye for years to come.
~ ~ ~
1982
Adler has changed, though your memories of him have not. He’s still stubborn as a mule with an envy-inducing sense of style and a love for muscle cars. He’s older now, quieter and less open, scarred both physically and mentally after his time in Vietnam. His most recent escapade involved a former Soviet agent who he refuses to talk about so you don’t push the topic. You’re just happy he’s come back to you.
“You gonna keep staring or help me clean this thing?” Russ says with a slight smile. His shades reflect the sun the same way they did all those years ago and you hurry to his side, upping the radio’s volume on the way.
Russ likes to talk about cars and so you let him, enjoying the sound of his voice as he guides you through the inner workings of the machinery before you. He's gentle and careful with his movements, and you notice the serenity in his features. It was one of the few times he was able to relax, a brief moment where he didn't carry the world on his shoulders. You know he's not perfect, far from it, but he deserves this temporary peace and you're thankful that you're present to enjoy it with him.
“Do you know that I love you?” you ask suddenly. The comment makes Russ pause in his work, gaze lifting to yours as he straightens.
"That so?"
You giggle. "You're supposed to say it back, you know," you tease, fully aware of his tendency to play coy with this sort of thing.
He brushes stray strands of hair from your face, the pads of his fingers delicately tracing your features. He was hesitant to touch you these days, fearing you'd be disgusted by his calloused hands, but you made it a point to remind him that such things were a sign that he had survived and kept his promise to you, even if it had taken longer than either of you had anticipated.
"I love you, too," he murmurs, his voice a low whisper, as if he were afraid to release the phrase into the world where it could be taken from him.
You grin and lean to press a kiss to his scarred cheek, hearing his contented sigh as his arms settle around your waist. You promise to commit this moment to memory, just as you had countless times before, adding it to the complicated collection of images and sensations that made up Russell Adler.
#Ren's writing#mine mine mine#russell adler#russell adler x reader#russell adler x you#call of duty black ops cold war#cod bocw#call of duty#cod
110 notes
·
View notes
Text
poorly constructed netflixvania rant under the cut,,, and yes i will be using capital letters for once! don't question it.
small warning because my rant is all over the place and by no means professional. i'm still relatively new to castlevania and may or may not get a few things wrong,,, sorry, if i do! 🙇🏻♂️ i plan on adding more to this later to make it seem less like alphabet soup, if you will.
Obviously, I'm aware that I'm a tad late to the whole "netflixvania ranting" thing, but honestly, I really don't care if I'm late or if this gains traction somehow or not. I just want to put this out there and get this OUT.
Now, I'd say that I'm awfully new to the Castlevania community itself. I'm a minor, so it's not like I grew up playing the games when they came out. 💀 Hell, I actually found out about Castlevania through watching its Netflix adaptation. But honestly, when I got Smash Bros Ultimate and found out about Richter and Simon, then doing further research and finding out about the games themselves, I'd say I abandoned the show immediately after that. Like, immediately. The games just interested me MUCH more!
Netflixvania is just... boring. It feels uncanny. Not canon, of course, just.. uncanny. Weird. Honestly, I feel horrible considering the large amount of people that actually LIKE Netflixvania compared to the games and say it's better, or even not have heard of the games in the first place! It's so stupid, when you compare the games and show.
Honestly, comparing the show to the games is... wild. I've seen people say that "oh, yeah netflixvania SUCKS, buuuut the first season is still badass!!!" Like... no, buddy... no... Netflixvania refuses to adapt Castlevania from the very start. The get-go, if you will. The very first season of this wretched show starts off completely off the rails. Not even the first season is above "sub-par".
The games have an immersive, charming, compelling storyline with a bunch of really well-constructed lore, at least in my opinion. I absolutely LOVE the whole plot of a massive feud going on between mortals who have to start a bloodline to fight this immortal Big Bad, and their reactions, their bad reputation with the Transylvanian townspeople despite the fact that the Belmont clan is pretty much the only thing keeping the former alive, and much more.
Anyway, back to this godawful adaptation.
First off, the goddamn showrunner of Netflixvania, Warren Ellis, literally CUT OUT A CHARACTER from the VERY VIDEO GAME THAT HE WAS ADAPTING INTO A SHOW, just because he thought that the character's name "sounded stupid", and that having a "pirate" character apparently wouldn't make sense, because ooh romania is a landlocked country!!! YOU IMBECILE. GRANT DANASTY IS NOT EVEN A PIRATE.💀💀💀 That was a mistranslation, for crying out loud! Isn't Grant a thief??? Not a pirate??? Also, who gives a shit if he even was a pirate?! This is the same adaptation that turned Trevor 'FUCKING' Belmont into a stumbling drunkard and Alucard into a horse-faced sex object. Everyone else is out-of-character enough by themselves! Who CARES if there's one single """pirate""" character??? This is the same show that has mages and Devil Forgemasters and, oh, let's not forget; FUCKING VAMPIRES??? This is a fantasy setting!! Why would you deny a canon character his chance in the spotlight for the sake of historical accuracy in a fictional world like this??
Besides, as aforementioned, Grant wasn't even a pirate in the first place! Ergo, it wouldn't matter if the story took place in a landlocked country or not!
Anyway, next point. Still about the characters, though. Mostly how they talk. Almost very single word these characters say is emphasized with a few "fuck"s and/or "shit"s, "bloody hell"s, etc., ESPECIALLY with Trevor. It's as if they're using curse words to sound more witty or mature, which is literally one of the first (and frankly, most obvious) of Red Flags for Horrendous Adult Media. In my opinion, at least. I just don't understand the reason why. I don't recall any of the Castlevania games having a single curse word in them (correct me if I'm wrong on that bit), but the games were still marketed for more mature audiences, too! You don't need profane language and a few splashes of vomit to make a compelling story for adults. Really, truly.
Back on that bit, it feels as if the writers REALLY wanted to make Trevor really witty. A bit of a whimsical jokester. Which, by the by, also if I recall correctly, isn't what his personality is really like at all. At least, not for the most part. In Curse of Darkness, Trevor was definitely a bit witty and cunning, but he also had a pretty damn big ego. He was confident, blunt and hotheaded. He's an arrogant bastard. CoD Trevor is intimidating as well. However, he's also honorable and likeable. Just a neat little guy.
Netflixvania Trevor, on the other end, is... odd. He's aloof, cynical, still having a bit of arrogance, but I don't know. It didn't feel like Trevor. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I'll come up with something better someday else.
Well, now that I'm mostly rambling about Trevor now, I think I should talk about his actual outward design as well. Truly, none of the members of the Netflixvania cast have retained any of their ingame designs, at least for the most part. Except for Alucard, of course, but I'll mention that a bit more later. I'll only talk about the main trio (RIP Grant Danasty, you were never nasty and will be here in spirit...) and their designs right now.
Starting off with Treffy himself. His design is... a bit odd. Now, I feel as if it's his eye that irks me the most. Let me just pull up some visual aids for this one:
THIS is Netflixvania Trevor. I apologize in advance for the low-quality PNG I've just slapped here.
Anyway, look at his eye. It has a scar on it. Keep that in mind.
THIS is Trevor's actual, ingame design for the game that was supposed to be adapted correctly, and there's no sign of any eye injury here.
And in Trevor's CoD design, he ALSO has a scar... but this isn't all that similar to his DC design, either.
Personally, I feel as if Netflixvania Trevor looks more like Judgement Trevor, than anything...
You can see the scar on his eye (IGNORING the outfit...), but even then, JuD Trevor still has an eyepatch. Netflixvania Treffy does NOT have an eyepatch. These are just differences in design, mind you, i know absolutely nothing about Judgement itself.
Anyway, Treffy (i'll just be calling him that from now on) looks like a weird mix between JuD Trevor, because of the hair and body structure, and CoD Trevor, due to the visible scar, I guess.
...Which is even worse, because it just goes to show how much the creators of Netflixvania really deviated from the source material. Maybe I'm just fucking blind over here, but really I see no similarities between Treffy and actual DC Trevor. Except, maybe, like, the boots, but really?
Now, on to the rest of the party: (except for my boy Grant, who got fucking excluded...)
Sypha actually looks like this in DC:
She looks pretty different! Luckily, not the most different compared to what happened to my rotten soldier, my good time boy Trevor, but still quite different. Firstly, Sypha's face is covered, and her robes are quite big on her, and this was actually intentional!
For the record, if you haven't played DC, the whole reason why Sypha looks more boyish is because she was hiding her gender for the whole game in order to travel safely. Her true gender is only revealed at the end of the game. (Truly an iconic Samus Metroid moment you conjured up there, Konami.)
Anyway, this is Sypha's Netflix version.
Again, sorry for the weird pixel outline on the image. I didn't even edit these.
Anyway, luckily, this one isn't all that different, except the obvious fact that Sypha isn't hiding her gender in this one. Although, I still do definitely believe she was done dirty. I mean, look at that hair! Christ. I'm not sure why they didn't make Sypha hide her gender until the end like in the original game, but then again, a pretty concerning amount of canon events from DC and Castlevania as a whole I guess didn't make the cut, so I doubt it'd be wise to set the bar any higher than the floor.
Next up, oh no. Alucart. I'll be referring to his horse-faced counterpart as this, because although his design is still game-accurate... It was for the wrong game.
This is his Netflix design:
See, it's okay. It's a biiiit inaccurate to his SoTN version... (for SoTN swag, see here) but! This isn't a SoTN adaptation!!! THIS, chaps, chapesses, and chapsticks is supposed to be for Dracula's Curse! and this is Alucard's DC design:
See? Now, this is just completely different! In this version, Alucard definitely gives off traditional, pop culture vampire vibes, definitely taking after his father in this one. But Alucart... Poor Alucart... he's just an odd mix of SoTN and.. not SoTN. It's literally just his SoTN self, but in a more revealing outfit with random ass belts. It's as if they simply went on a quick Google adventure and looked no further for Alucart's to-be design. But seriously, why exactly are they showing his bare chest here? Why is he muscular? Huh?????
... These redesigns are... something else, that's for sure! Of course, I know that with every adaptation, there's bound to be some changes, but with Netflixvania, there are a LOT of changes, and absolutely none of them are necessary.
For one, characters like Godbrand and Lenore were never in the games! The writers just slapped in some random OCs and scrapped an actual, canon character for petty reasons. They also nerfed Hector because of a behind-the-scenes argument between writers. They let their own pettiness ruin a show. Hell, Warren Ellis himself didn't even know anything about Castlevania. He just took everything from secondhand sources! It's not professional or sane.
I honestly didn't even watch the full show myself. I probably should, so maybe I can edit this rant a bit. Anyway, I only watched S1 and a bit of S2. Honestly, I have no idea why they didn't just stop the show when Dracula got pounded into the ground for the umpteenth time. There wasn't any real need to continue the show for even more seasons. Just... I don't know. It's really weird??? The show just seems... boring. Like, seriously. What's even the point, at that point? Our favorite three stooges Johnny Test'ed Drac into oblivion, just as they needed to do, so why continue? It just seems as if they're milking it.
...Yeah i don't know how to continue this. In summary, play the games instead. Watch let's-plays, if you can. As I mentioned earlier, this rant may not be too professional or well-written, and I apologize if I mixed anything up. I plan on adding more to this later, but right now, my hands are getting numb q(╥﹏╥)p
#cw netflixvania#anti netflixvania#text post#rant post#rant#castlevania#shitty rant#you can ignore this
41 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi I think that post about the not like other girls thing you reblogged might be a trans-exlusionary radical feminist thing? Not a guilt trip just in case you didn't notice you know
It had occurred to me that TERFs might like that kind of post. I decided to reblog anyways, because:
1. It described an experience that I had, and I'm not going to deny my own experiences out of fear. Sometimes we share experiences with hateful people, and pretending that we don't causes all sorts of problems.
2. I mentioned being nonbinary in the tags, so it seemed unlikely that the post would signal I was unsafe for trans people, even if it did contain dogwhistles I was missing.
3. I reblog posts, not blogs. I would not be able to use Tumblr if I checked the blogs of every post's OP. I can't even keep track of close friends' names! I'm also not using an algorithm that will suggest other posts by this person to me. I am not contaminated by touching a useful post, even IF the person who created it had bad intentions.
4. It was actually important for me to detangle my 'depictions of women in media make me feel GROSS' feelings from my 'the people around me act really differently than I do and that's alienating' feelings. I'm ADHD, aroace, and possibly nonbinary and autistic. I didn't act like allo, neurotypical girls. I also had some internalized sexism from how everything from classic kids' lit up to early 2000s media depicted girls and women. It was important to let go of the sexism AND validate the differences, which meant I had to recognize that they weren't the same thing! I want other people to get that chance, as well.
5. I refuse to contribute to the current culture of attacking other bloggers for thoughtcrimes. Purity culture is not healthy, and harms both the people doing it and its victims.
-
Messaging me about a specific dogwhistle I missed is fine. I will delete posts if I agree after a bit of research. More vague messages like this will be ignored. I don't think they're helpful, and they have the possibility of being extremely harmful. Not an attack on you, Anon. But this is important to me.
We're still allowed to think things, even if hateful people think them as well. Moral contamination is not real.
#purity culture#I will almost never delete a post because of OPs other posts#unless the other posts strongly suggest the one I reblogged was implying something I missed#not going to reblog other messages like this#just wanted to make my position clear
48 notes
·
View notes
Note
This morning I picked up my paper copy of the New York Times and I was greeted by an extremely graphic article about rape as warfare in Israel/Palestine on the front page. I put the paper down, but it got me thinking about the value of reading about violence. When is reading these testimonies bearing witness to history, and when is it masochism? How do you discern between productive discomfort and unnecessary anguish?
I don't expect you to have the answer to these because they are such immense questions and also things vary from person to person, but I am interested to hear your thoughts on the issue as a historian who is outspoken about the effects of secondhand trauma through genocide research. My degree isn't in history, but I'm an aspiring museum professional (if the job market isn't too cruel, lol. I'm open to other careers but I'm passionate about weaving archival materials into public storytelling so *gestures vaguely*). I also have a really thin skin. I tend to avoid graphic depictions/descriptions of violence, but sometimes I wonder what I'm missing by avoiding that.
Anyway! Feel free to answer this privately, publicly, or not at all if you're swamped with other things. Thank you for running such an informative and interesting blog!
Hi! Sorry this was buried in my inbox.
It's a good question, and I'm not sure how to answer it in regard to contemporary, ongoing events, vs. history. I do think that the 24/7 news cycle has exposed us all to an amount of suffering and stressful information that we're not like...designed to be able to handle.
So I'm going to answer you like a museum professional, and use that shared language. Back in 2009/10 I was a Collections Management Intern at the 9/11 Memorial and Museum. This was before it opened to the public. While I was mostly cataloging, the staff was great about letting us listen on on ongoing higher level conversations.
I'm putting the rest of this under a cut, for reason which will be clear when you read what's under said cut.
Now, two of the (imo) most traumatic aspects of the history of that day, is 1) the photographs and footage of people who jumped from above the impact zones; and 2) the audio from phone calls and voicemails made from inside the planes, inside the towers, etc.
The museum handled those by making them optional. You want to listen to the last thing a woman in an office above the impact zone will say to her child? Ok. You have to make the choice to pick up audio mechanism, and press play. You want to watch footage of people jumping to their deaths to avoid burning to death? You have to make the specific choice to walk into a cordoned off vestibule, and view that material.
If you choose not to listen, or watch, you're not ignoring those histories or refusing to bear witness. You're fully cognizant of the fact that they happened, and you're simply choosing not to expose yourself to traumatic content. Bearing witness doesn't mean traumatizing yourself for the sake of bearing witness, you know?
I think it's enough to know that certain horrific things happened. Going that next step, looking at them, that's not necessary, and can't be rushed. When I was in undergrad I chose to focus on Ancient Near Eastern History as opposed to WW2 and the Holocaust because I know I wasn't ready to look too closely. I wasn't even really ready in grad school. It's really in the last 5/6 years that I've been able to do it. And I still don't think I'll ever be able to engage with detailed material about medical experimentation. But I know it happened. I know it was horrifying, and that's enough.
So, back to news media. I didn't see/read that article, but what I can say is that I appreciate when newspapers decline to put certain kinds of images on the front pages, and give the reader the option to look or not to look. I also appreciate when you're reading articles online, and you have to click multiple times to explicitly consent to view disturbing images.
70 notes
·
View notes
Text
my parents' situation has escalated in the time I haven't been here properly, I'll summarize:
I had to call the police because my mother, a grown woman of 47, thirty years older than me, and my father, a grown man of 50, decided to attack my younger brother for sassing them.
He's got a tone issue. He's always had a tone issue. But apart from that, he's obedient, much more than a normal child, good in his studies despite a slight disability that makes it hard for him to read, and takes care of our younger siblings.
this grown couple decided they needed to beat him to teach him a lesson. he hid in the bathroom. I had to hold my mother back and literally block my father's way. when I first tried to call the police, he took my phone and locked it in a room.
It's happened in the past. Same thing, but with my older brother, who is decidedly more troublesome, but also definitely not delinquent status.
it's been a few days since then. the police arriving stopped them from contemplating more violence - also, I managed to make them give allowance and transport to school by threatening to file charges. but some changes have been made. all of us older kids have to cook our own meals, sleep at 9.30 pm, and adhere to random rules they've decided to put into place without prior notification. furthermore, my mother has been throwing away the gifts we gave her in the past.
it's not the rules I hate adhering to - in fact, it's a bit of relief since I no longer have to depend on their constantly fluctuating schedule. It's the awful reason behind them - our parents wanting to alienate us from them and make everything a business transaction. it's the frostiness and polite greetings and designated responsibilities purposely planned to make us bear the weight of their lack of affection.
it's the way my mother refuses to talk about anything that's happened. she says she can't manage it emotionally. so i can hold back my parents from attacking my siblings and research laws and scholarships to get out of this place and she can't bring herself to have a mature, reasonable conversation. any disagreement is seen as disrespect, arguing with her.
we have five kids in this family. the older kids take care of two of the youngers. we don't go out after school, don't take any extracurriculars other than the school mandated ones, don't take tuition because we know family expenses are tight, don't even have friends we spend time with on a daily basis.
my mother's parents kicked her out of the house once she got married and played favourites, preferring her brothers to her. my father's mother was promiscuous during her marriage, is a Buddhist who forces her view of religion on others - think making everyone eat vegetables - and his father was abusive.
It's not that I don't know they've gone through pain. But pain isn't an excuse for them to pass on their life trauma. My mother bought a couple of clocks after the argument. They make the same sound as the clocks her parents have at their house. Ding-dong. Think creepy school bell.
I'm researching full-ride scholarships overseas. If worst comes to worst I'll take a government bond scholarship. I'm also thinking about setting up my own debit card since I'm over 16, and starting to work part time - which I've wanted to do, but which they've never let me.
I'm not injured by this, per se, because I still love them, even though they definitely don't love me. But my self worth does not hinge on whether they love me or not, and I want to, moving forward, find a source of income and work harder at my studies and extracurricular activities, plus creative pursuits, so I have a better portfolio that I can use to get myself into a scholarship.
They didn't actually have enough money to pay in full for my university/college anyway. Instead of relying on them, I'd really like to broaden my horizons in a foreign country, take subjects I'm interested in, and see how far I can go without them to hold me down and shut me up.
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was replying to someone on my Sabolaw fic on AO3 and I casually mentioned the idea of professor!Sabo. More specifically, English Professor!Sabo. I'm debating about their ages but feel free to imagine whatever you want! Just note they're all of legal age! Sabo teaches 'Introduction to English Literature' in a huge lecture theatre. He does not care who's an officially registered student and who's just here to hang out. He welcomes anyone willing to listen! He speaks casually, because he realises that's the most efficient way of communicating to students—both literature and otherwise. That made him a very beloved professor.
He does this for several years part time, alongside his regular work as a journalist and book writer. He loves talking to students in one-on-one consultations. He thrives on active participation, both from students and his TAs. Yapping is just as important as breathing! On a rainy day, the most sleep-deprived, pinnacle of idgaf-ism, sloppily-dressed guy Sabo had ever seen, walked into his lecture theatre forty-five minutes early with a cup of coffee.
"Hello!" Sabo says brightly. He turned to Sabo and blushed slightly. "How can I help you?"
This individual, Trafalgar Law, is pursuing a masters in medical humanities and is a TA. As always, Sabo's friendly and promises to help Law in whatever way he can. That said, he felt that Law's kind of a prick. Law's sullen and seems to have no opinion on anything other than the weather. Still, Sabo pushed on.
On the first lecture of the semester, Sabo makes every TA introduce themselves with their specialties. Everyone generously shared about their research and why they're doing what they're doing.
When it's Law's turn, Sabo was genuinely surprised to hear that Law had nothing to say other than his name and the fact that he's interested in the 'multi-disciplinary nature of medical humanities'.
"Can you elaborate?"
"I studied medicine in my undergraduate years with a minor in literature," Law said. This was clearly not in Law's script. "I wanted to be a surgeon, but I got disillusioned for lack of a better word."
"How so?"
Law blushed. "When I was a child, doctors refused me treatment for a fatal illness because they've been misled to believe that it is contagious, despite multiple papers proving otherwise. I want to change that. I don't like how hospitals discriminate against patients."
Law was soft spoken but Sabo knew everyone could hear him even without a microphone. Sabo appreciated his efficiency. They were slightly behind, actually. That was alright, Sabo thought, Law could speak up throughout the semester!
Law did not speak up. On his own free will, anyway.
Sabo knew Law was one of the few people who paid attention to every word he said. He wanted to hear Law talk for longer than a single sentence. That made Sabo try something relatively new. He usually respected students' wishes to keep to themselves.
"In The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner features four eccentric narrators to tell us about the Compson family's fall from grace. Can anyone explain why he would do that?" Sabo waited. He knew that not many people would have read the novel in full.
"Law?" Sabo laughed when Law glared at him.
"I'm not sure, I never thought of that."
"Thirty seconds to think about it!"
Law spoke after thirty five seconds, "Having everyone be at least a little 'eccentric', as you put it, reminds us that mental illness manifests differently in different people."
Sabo nodded. The little shit clearly thought about it before.
"Well, doctor," Sabo loved how easily flustered Law got. "If they're unwell, how would you cure them?"
"They can't be cured," Law said decisively. "They're incurable to remind us that we are what we believe in. If you keep holding onto unhealthy principles, you'll end up traumatised and inarticulate. I think that's what Faulkner's trying to say."
Sabo found it cute that Law was still very clearly passionate about medicine despite being 'disillusioned'. He thanked Law for his answer and moved on. Despite Law glaring at him every time, Sabo still picked on him at least once every seminar.
On one hand, Sabo liked hearing Law speak and on the other hand, he thought Law's grumpy face was so dang cute.
The following year, on a similarly rainy day, Sabo found a pastry next to his briefcase and Law bowing slightly to greet him. To Sabo's surprise, Law was his TA again.
Law claimed it was because he needed the money, but Sabo knew Law liked him, if his nervous, somewhat embarrassed smile was anything to go by. At least, that was what Sabo thought since he was producing a similarly awkward smile. He thought a bespectacled Law was cute.
Things were better this time. Law stopped glaring whenever Sabo called on him and even indulged Sabo by speaking up first. He still spoke in less than five sentences, but Sabo realised Law was being efficient, rather than rude or shy. Again, Sabo thought Law was cute.
On the last day of the school term, Sabo ended the lecture early to let everyone go home to rush essays and study for exams. Just as he was packing up after answering a couple of last minute questions, he noticed Law walking up to him. That was new.
"Hi, Law! How may I help you?"
Law smiled. Sabo realised he had not seen Law smile at him before. "I'm finishing my masters paper soon and I'll graduate this summer."
"Congratulations!" Sabo was genuinely happy to hear that.
"Thank you for everything, Sabo," Law said. Law never addressed him by name before. He usually called Sabo, 'prof' or 'sir'. It was a nice touch, especially when he said it so warmly. Law gave him a piece of paper that was folded in half.
"What's this?"
"I wrote a question inside. You're not obliged to answer it, if you don't want to. It's quite personal and I understand if you're uncomfortable." Law stopped Sabo from opening it. "Not now. Maybe later today."
Sabo laughed. Students gave him anonymous questions before. "Sure! I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you for your help, Law! I enjoyed having you in class."
Sabo thought Law's bashful expression was particularly adorable. Law waved good bye and left. There was a good feeling left in the air.
Sabo was alone inside the lecture theatre. Not many people turned up today. It was warm and slightly humid outside. Sabo thought this would be a good time to have an impromptu picnic with his brothers. In that calm atmosphere, Sabo lightly peeled open Law's note, feeling oddly curious.
Sabo laughed out loud when he successfully deciphered Law's doctor handwriting.
"Would you go out with me?"
#this silly idea exploded into a full on drabble#but that's the brief of my idea yeah#sabo#revolutionary sabo#sabolaw#trafalgar law#bro i know im a lulaw truther or smth but sabolaw uhhhh;;;#there's something about this ship that i cant put my finger on#is it the fact that I hc as being the relatively smarter folk in Luffy's circle?
36 notes
·
View notes
Note
I propose this idea: both Ritsu and Yuri make the mc do domestic/motherly things but for different reasons. Ritsu wants to see how his crush would be if they had children (he will need an heir to the legacy in some years!) (and to a certain point he wants to be cared for like when he was younger but it isn't his first reason shhh) on the other hand Yuri is stepping the line between wanting a mom and wanting to be babied and fed his favorite food and wanting a girlfriend and dealing with his romantic feelings like an adult (plus when jiro joins the mothering and mothered dynamic he acts like a child getting a sibling he didn't want for a little bit)
lmaooo i love that.
Ritsu frames it as little assistant work at first--he pays them for it, unlike everyone else who asks for their help cleaning their office and organizing things, so they're a little happier to do it. They've been working for Jin and Romeo so their cleaning skills are very good. Perhaps a little too good. They haven't been cleaning up crimes, have they?
Then he offhandedly asks if they know how to cook. They admit they haven't really cooked since they got to DW and mostly ate at the cafeteria or ate things others cooked for them or ate out. Ritsu chides them for their lack of self-sufficiency and reminds them they can use the kitchens at DW. He wanted to investigate something for a client, so it would be a good opportunity to try out cooking. You want to make sure you know where your nutrition is coming from! Their cooking is satisfactory, but it's definitely not a mother's level yet. They have time to improve. They don't really understand why he's being so critical about it, but they apologize anyway, wondering if maybe Sho or one of Jin's cooks could teach them a thing or two. It would be nice to be able to make food for their friends.
Then he asks about their work at Jabberwock, dealing with anomalous animals. They admit it's tough, but some of them are nice! They mention taking care of some of the younger animals after making sure the parents knew they meant no harm. So far nothing more than minor injuries! He nods in approval as they explain bottle feeding Peekaboo, and how cute it is when it's enjoying its food. Haru said they're a natural--Peekaboo didn't even throw up or bite them when they fed it for the first time! The younger anomalous animals seem to like them a lot!
Ritsu can't help but smile at that they seem to take well to caring for children. That's the most important thing. In the three years his firstborn son will have before he becomes a slave to the judicial system, he wants him to be loved and cared for by someone who will be able to give him the kind of love his mother gave him.
(Of course he would never force them to have a child. That would be against some law I'm sure, I'm not exactly up to date with the Japanese Penal Code. However, he wouldn't stay with them if they couldn't have children--he needs to have an heir, it's expected of him, so even if he wouldn't be happy with the result he would have to find someone else.)
(In the meantime though, he might indulge a little in being offered to try food as it gets closer and closer to tasting like what a mother's cooking should taste like. Even if he refuses, he still feels something like motherly love when they worry over him seeming to 'work too hard'. Being shown things he's not familiar with feels like motherly love, because he spent so much time with his mother seeing the wonders of the world. Perhaps the things they show him aren't as glamorous, but they still give a similar feeling of sharing a world outside of his own.)
Yuri, in stark contrast, is just a spoiled child about it sometimes. Although he tries not to be overt about it.
He finally decides he can go to sleep now after staying up like a week and a half researching, so "Come here. Your heartrate and breathing patterns are optimal for helping me sleep more quickly, so lie down with me for a little while. It--it's just so I can sleep and wake more efficiently! Do not question my methods, worm!" and then they have a grown ass man curled up against their chest(arms around their waist, it's not entirely childish--) and they aren't allowed to move until he's had his nap. He may or may not want a lullaby or bedtime story, but counting their heartrate is enough.
They decide to bring Jiro and Yuri something to eat and Yuri pouts and huffs over it not being their cooking. He still eats it though, because he's happy they brought him food. It's still a motherly gesture. Why'd they bring some for Jiro too though Jiro can't even eat solids what do you mean you had to make Jiro's nutrition shake yourself why didn't they hand make his food he is their--significant other! . . .Yes, Jiro is also their significant other, but that is besides the point!
(Jiro is quietly enjoying his meal in his shaker bottle. They're reminded of a child with a sippy cup with Yuri huffing next to him. He does not want to share his mama.)
Yes he is a mature adult but he's not good at addressing his feelings at all. When he does he does it awkwardly and accidentally, through freuden slips and things he wanted to keep to himself until he didn't feel like he was too busy for such concerns. N-not that he cares if they think it's strange he wants to call them 'mama' while clearly maintaining romantic (and professionally possessive) feelings! He's not worried about them finding this offputting at all!!! He knows they're honored to be his partner and. . .occasional source of maternal comforts and outlet regrets! Anyway he's going to hold their hand everywhere they go--because he is leading them where they need to go like a good researcher does, not because it fulfills his romantic and juvenile needs--
When he succeeds at something he wants to show them so they smile and tell him what a good job he is and how proud they are and how impressive he is. . .like his mother used to. Not that it's entirely that--of course he wants to impress his partner too, but. . .the projection is embarrassing, but comforting.
#ritsu shinjo#yuri isami#danie yells at tokyo debunker#danie yells with anons#danie yells answers#every day we get closer and closer to giving yuri an age regression thing and i need to reel it in lmaooooo#I PROMISE THE THING THAT APPEALS TO ME MOST ABOUT YURI IS THAT HE IS AN INETHICAL DOCTOR AND EXPERIMENTS ON PEOPLE#BUT ALSO THE WHOLE 'MAMA' THING SEEMS CUTE THE WAY WE'VE BUILT ASSUMPTIONS AROUND IT#i'm really looking forward to whatever is actually going on with it in canon like. what happened to this man's mother. is she gonna be okay#what exactly is causing him to relate the pc to her. is she also cursed is she also dying did she die to the same curse or something#is yuri actually super old and his mom died the day the pc was born and he thinks she's reincarnated into them#because he reads too many isekai light novels
22 notes
·
View notes