#anyway i love this murder muppet ok the end

[chacerider]

:( but it's an amazing, generous offer, haruki

[magic-pistachio]

a veil of shadows thoughts + predictions for broken code

hey even though NO ONE asked, I’m about to write my reaction to veil of shadows. obvious spoilers below the cut.

HEY so let’s TALK about veil of shadows. honestly? this was a pretty baller book.

okay. loving bristlefrost’s character. she’s a good gal, and I thought her actions were pretty consistent. I like that she has combined ambition but also humility; she knew that she wasn’t meant to be deputy, and she wasn’t a jerk about trying to keep the title. I love the promise she kept to Squirrelflight about protecting Bramblestar’s body; she’s clearly in a complicated position between the rebels and technically wanting that dude ded but also respecting the wishes of her superior and a grieving gal. wow I’m really barely coherent right now. eating pasta and it just tastes really good, guys.

shadowsight. my boy. I drew him as a little guy based on the pokemon Shuppet. I LOVE this boy. he’s combined shy and also completely selfless and brave. when the HECK will the other leaders believe him and what he’s seeing.

rootspring. love him a lot more in this book. drew him as a hippie boi. flowers galore. I loved his scenes with Tree, and I respect the character development where he’s slowly getting more and more used to himself and his abilites. [is it a yikes that he’s just starting to believe in his own worth because other cats have gotten use out of his abilities, kind of like a rudolph storyline? yeh but not completely]

so like. fakebramblestar. I’m not being original here when I say it’s ashfur. I think it’s been made pretty clear, but I love hearing other people’s theories. not gonna be a jerk about saying “what are you TALKING about it HAS TO BE HIM.” I think the final nail in the coffin there was when he was depressed over squirrelgal’s departure, and wanted her to return. he wanted her to finally WANT him. and that didn’t come true. I honestly kind of wished he was a little more violent with the codebreakers, just for the sake of...to quote a muppet’s christmas carol, “decreas[ing] the surplus population”. exiling them was pretty tame, but also, if it’s ashfur, he’s probably gonna stay a little tame and not be tigerstar the first -esque with constant blood baths.

speaking of tigerstar the first. mistystar. let’s talk about her. I agree with lots of people that her behavior is uncharacteristic; she’s a half-clan cat herself, her brother died defending half-clan cats [SHAMLESS ADVERTISING PLUG: if you’re reading this and dont know i have a comic about stonefur and blackstar in starclan,,, visit my blog to see it pls]. something I think could have remedied this is I think they should have leaned more into leader’s fears of dying right now. starclan isn’t a hundred percent around. mistystar, probably on one of her last few lives, doesn’t know if outright dying again will still let her return to starclan. i think it’d have been nice if they emphasized that mistystar [and harestar for that matter] might be terrified of starclan’s lack of presence, and be desperate to bring them back. and i mean desperate. also i like to think mistystar just hates mothwing. i always got the sense that she just resents that she exists. like no real explanation. i think we’ve all irrationally disliked someone in our lives. bring it into warriors.

berrynose. what happened. I know he’s annoying and haughty but would he really participate in murder? sad that he was “eviscerated” but can I simultaneously love that he was “eviscerated”

i love the rebel group. and i love tigerstar taking in anyone who was rejected. 

and may I just say that I absolutely LOVED graystripe’s scene. so much so that I want to paint it realistically and probably will.

OKAY, so predictions/thoughts for the rest of the series:

fakebramble’s identity will obvs be revealed in the first few bits of the next book. not sure what’ll come of the rest of the plots after this. maybe more ghosts will start to possess bodies? maybe harestar has already been possessed when he lost a life, and it’ll show up more next book? maybe lots of ghosts want OUT of the underworld, and want fakebramble to allow for more possession? maybe there will be accusatory witch trials where everyone’s trying to prove that they are indeed themselves and not anyone else?

I love squirrelflight, but I would really like a fresh, young start with the leader. what I’d like is a really angsty scene in the final battle where squirrelflight is fighting fakebramble, and struggling to just wound him without killing him, and bramble’s ghost appears and is like “it’s ok you know what to do” so she’s gotta kill her mate’s body and it’s angsty as heck. she somehow dies from wounds or whatever soon after, and they can walk back to starclan together. if we want series continuity maybe they can do the lil “one cat” pawstep thing that was in the new prophecy [or something...listen I haven’t read the series in a long time]

if the other leaders get possessed then i want a similar angst thing with crowfeather having to kill harestar, but losing the battle. yeh i want crowfeather dead. he’s fine i just want the angst.

i always wanted lionblaze as leader and then breezepelt as another leader so they’d have their ensuing half sibling drama but nah. he’s gettin too old. bristlestar would be a baller leader.  i miss leader pov during series.

i’m expecting big drama as the warriors try to redo the code perhaps? halfclan relationships being entertained, cats fighting over the real code. it’d be mad interesting if by the end the code was actually revised. 

anyway. i’m running out of things to think about. my spaghetti bowl is empty and my brain fuel’s gone. yes I should write professional book reviews. this was all very professional wasnt it????? ny times here i come.

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

animaniacs - s1e54: brain meets brawn

episode summary: the boys live with dr jekyll for some reason, so rather than mind his own business, brain decides to drink all of the Potion That Makes You Hulk Out without considering the potential consequences.

as usual.

the rundown:

we open at dr jekyll’s house.

again, you can tell it’s dr jekyll’s house because it has his name written on it. this time, he has a fancy sign on a stick so everyone can see it from the street. convenient! especially if he is a doctor? i don’t know lol. i don’t think it ever specifies. maybe he just has a doctorate in Being Large and Green with no regards to the practice of medicine.

homeboy looks weirdly like granny from looney tunes. maybe that’s what the potion is for? instead of hyde, it just turns him into a grandma. that would be fun!

oh. well. my mistake.

maybe this was some kind of experiment? i don’t know. honestly, i don’t remember why jekyll makes the serum in the first place. presumably, he has the antidote on the table too, but, uh.

yeah. RIP that, or whatever. give it a rest, you oversized muppet, you’re scaring the mice.

(there are, as per The Course, mice here.)

“egad”, says our resident Exposition Pinky, “dr jekyll has turned himself into that fearsome mr hyde again, brain.” for all of his personal worry, though, brain doesn’t seem too bothered, and instead decides to make this all about himself, as usual.

“yes, pinky. if only i could find a way to use that savage strength.”

delightful! the closeups are back. unfortunately, it soon pans away from Two Inches From Brain’s Face to highlight the rest of the plot of the episode.

phweeeet. i’m not entirely sure why the police are here. maybe they just heard a table getting knocked over and broke into the guy’s house. going around bothering people for minor loud noises and doing absolutely nothing about real crime or people in danger does sound a bit like what our police like to do.

“ere, that’s the brute! take im!”

hm. in the background, big ben chimes Four Bong, and the carnage immediately ceases.

“four o clock! tea time!”

“scone?”

“delighted.”

that’s just how things work over here, i guess.

eventually, they manage to haul him off, with a “roight, it’s jayel for you, mister hyde”

leaving the mice alone to contemplate.

i don’t blame them. i would be contemplating too, on account i have no idea what the fuck just happened. he drank the potion of Summoning The Police, i guess? why did he drink it? why did they just turn up? we literally don’t see him again.

while pinky ponders whether kids would still buy them if they were called Sad Meals (and i know i would, but i doubt mcdonalds existed back then) brain has more pressing observations.

“the british are obsessed with tea time, pinky. everything stops when big ben strikes four.”

and what a slanderous observation it is! excuse me brain?

EXCUSE ME.

HOW VERY DARE YOU.

HOW VERY VERY okay yeah actually you’re probably right.

anyway brain’s plan is to stop big ben at 4pm so it’ll be Forever Teatime and he can take over the british empire while everyone is having tea.

AND THEN THE WORLD we get two weird closeups in this episode.

“but you’d have to be some kind of hulking, muscular giant to stop that clock, brain.”

“exactly. as they say in rustic circles, bottoms up.”

(hoo hoo. it’s funny because he’s stood on the pyrex jug, which is tall, so he himself is tall, and also “up”, and also he’s yknow what never mind.)

GLOG.

pinky’s over there immediately, as soon as brain gets down* asking if he’s okay or if he feels anything strange.

*yknow, as opposed to up.

he kind of gets in brain’s face about it until brain loses his patience and tells pinky that he is angering him, and would he please--

DONK.

“naaaaaaaarf.”

there he is! the big boy. as a sidenote, i’ve only actually seen his design in.... fanart. this is the first time i’ve watched this episode! i love how he still has a red nose for no reason. it does not fit the colour scheme at all.

(i speak directly to the patb discord: do not make this weird for me.)

anyway his first course of action is apparently to smash a table over pinky’s head for no reason.

BRUH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

pinky squeaks out a “sorry i angered you, brain.” which is sad, but

seems to have an effect.

anyway, from that they work out that brain Gets Large when he is made angry, and then Unlarges when the person who made him angry apologises.

“anger me, pinky!”

“but zounds, brain, i don’t want tooooo.”

“PINKY.”

DONK.

see? works a treat.

so with that figured out, the lads bugger off to big ben.

but first, pinky requests that they make the bells play john jacon jingleheimer schmidt.

conclusion:

they do have some trouble getting there.

“look brain! that cloud looks like a big pomegranate!”

donk.

brain does not have a lot of patience, as should be obvious. still, even Larged Out, brain has enough mental fortitude to head to the main entrance to big ben instead.

“americans.”

brain takes this as an insult, and pinky narrowly manages to stop him from just straight up murdering those dudes.

they are, however, thoroughly knocked out, so the mice consider this a victory and sneak in.

it’s big.

like, i’ve never been to big ben, but if it’s open to tourists it can’t just be a big room with a massive death pendulum in it, surely? maybe the victorians cared less about health and safety.

the mice are also less bothered about this than i am, apparently. “there it is, pinky. the main wheel of big ben.” stop that and you stop the world, apparently. HE WHO CONTROLS THE TEATIME CONTROLS ALL OF BRITAIN ok he doesn’t say that. he does, however, maintain that he can stop the gears as Large Brain if pinky then goes and dislodges the pallette.

“now, make me mad.”

“HEY YOU. DUMBDUMB.”

“come on, you can do better than that.”

“YOUR MOTHER IS-- OLDER. THAN YOU.”

“pinky! try harder, quickly--”

DONK.

epic.

so pinky goes to dislodge the pallette.

“ NO̡ P̵IN͘K̸Y͞,͜ ̢T͜H͟E̷ ͞PA̧L҉LETT̢E̛.” brain is still surprisingly coherent in Large Mode, though, compared to hyde. huh. maybe it’s because he’s a smartboy or something.

“oops, haha, sorry brain.”

oh no.

oh dear.

oh fuck.

hickory dickory bonk lol.

“oh, i’m sorry brain.” says pinky, who already knows which way the tally is going, and holds his arms out for a hug.

donk.

well isn’t this an interesting development.

“egad, brain. i don’t mean to keep saying i’m sorry.”

i feel bad for giving pinky this, because really it’s more social conditionning than his deliberate fault. still, the episode ends with pinky repeatedly smacking brain in the head to attempt to reLarge him, so it’s not all bad.

brain: 3 pinky: 5 outside influence: 5

“once we enter big ben, i’ll use my physical prowess to stop the wheel, while you dislodge the pallette and disrupt the intrinsic mechanism.”

“what if that doesn’t work?”

“we’ll...... throw a big wrench in it.”

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 4 Episode 2: Group B kicking it off... with a twist!! Guesses and Commentary

Hello my fellow Masked Singer guys and gals! It's that time of the week again (albeit I am a bit late, but let's go with it), time for Ana's Masked Singer recap woohoo! *insert fanfare here* This episode was such an insane one not gonna lie, Group B came in with a bang like wow... let's just get into it because it's a crazy episode in it of itself.

Firstly, I gotta point out the contestants of Group B, which this time were 6 unlike A and C which only have 5 contestants total.. and those 6 are (order from left to right, top row first then bottom row in the image below) Crocedile, Gremlin (the purple fluffy guy), Seahorse, Whatchamacallit (the blue and red hair cousin It thing), Baby Alien, and Serpent.

Alrighty so this elimination is gonna be a bit different than usual because it isn't the norm of what usually happens with these sorts of things (I'll tell you what I mean in a sec)...

So the first contestant unmasked for Group B actually wasn't eliminated (I know what you are thinking... "whaaatttt Anaaaaa that makes no sense")... but actually he unmasked himself (whatttt?! yeah you read that right, he legit was hot and suffocating and he seemed super over it and just took it off by himself... yup, that happened like what mind blown!

Anyways the mask who did this was...

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE GREMLIN

Performance: He sang Stand by Me by Ben E. King and honestly it was meh, it was really breathy as if he forgot some of the words, I don’t know if he was overcome with emotion (because he dedicated it to his friend who passed away) or what, I felt kind of bad but I low key feel like he was going to go home regardless, but on the bright side I love the costume and it was a great song choice for his range. He has a very raspy voice... like almost like a smoker’s voice and I can kind of tell that he’s an older man, but I couldn’t recognize the singer. 

So the Gremlin ended up being revealed to be.... 

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

MICKEY ROURKE 

Ugh this upsets me because I don’t know who he is so I really couldn’t guess him correctly. I searched it up and apparently he’s an actor and director and was in Iron Man 2, which I’ve never seen like ever. But yeah, he did good, he looked kinda drunk not gonna lie and I guess he was suffocated and got over it. 

Alright now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to my favorite part, the remaining 5 contestants: 

1. THE SEAHORSE

Performance: I really love Seahorse, she’s one of my favorites of the night and so far in the season in general. Her performance of Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World was amazing and I definitely knew who that voice is...

My guess and I am so sure about this guys is singer, songwriter, American Idol alum... 

TORI KELLY 

Dude like that voice is so recognizable... but also because of the clues: 

Emotion Ocean= she’s super emotional when it comes to songwriting, like she legit said in an interview that she cries a lot

Tea Party= she hosted tea parties with her fans in 2019 (well before all this ofc) 

Rainbow Frog= sang Rainbow Connection with Kermit the Frog 

Judges’ Guesses: 

Jenny: Halsey (say what now? This doesn’t sound like her... is Jenny ok? This episode she’s been messing up with guesses more than Ken... you’ll see what I mean) 

Nicole: Hailee Steinfeld (meh, that’s ok I guess, but not quite) 

Robin: Bebe Rexha (he was onto something when he said country but then he said this, but this is the closest guess of the 3)  

2. THE SERPENT 

Performance: This one is my other favorite of this group. His performance of “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers was absolutely stunning, I got chills! If it is who I think it is, I love him (partially because I think I know who it can be) 

I think the Serpent can be actor of the iconic Broadway sensation Hamilton aka Aaron Burr, Sir:

LESLIE ODOM JR. 

Dude like I feel pretty good about this guess because of the voice and the clues:

Map of the Caribbean= reference to the beginning of Hamilton where Alexander Hamilton is from

Jr. References= he’s a jr. 

Between medicine & music= he played a doctor on Murder on the Orient Express in 2017

Number 31118 (this was from the Sunday before the premiere but still worth noting)= 3 albums, 11 stage productions, 18 years on Broadway OR bible verse Romans 3:11-18 which was written by Paul, a character he played on Rent

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: John Legend (See what I’m saying? Jenny, what are you doing man? That is not John Legend, like they don’t sound alike at all) 

Ken: Daveed Diggs (Wow! Ken got it kinda close, I’m proud, that’s an achievement for him we gotta give it to him) 

Nicole: Leslie Odom Jr. (WOOOO!! Yesss Nicole!!) 👏🏼

3. THE CROCODILE 

Performance: I also really liked Crocodile and his performance of It’s My Life by Bon Jovi was great! I feel like I know who this is, and I am pretty familiar (well, more or less) with 90s and early 2000s boybands and this one is someone in that realm I am so sure of it... 

Ok so being more specific, I think it’s boybander from The Backstreet Boys: 

NICK CARTER 

The voice and the clues were a dead giveaway:

The Vegas vibes in the clue package= he performed in Vegas with Backstreet Boys 

Water clues (the water slide and happiest in water)= he was born in Orlando, FL home of the theme parks and FL is also some of the Gators so it would makes sense with the costume

Grew up in Hollywood= moved there when really young

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken: John Hamm (and he’s back, that was a terrible guess)

Nicole: Nick Lachey (so close, but not quite)

Robin: Donnie Wahlberg (um, Jenny agreed, how does she not know that this ain’t your husband?!) 

4. THE WHATCHAMACALLIT

Performance:  His performance of “I Wish” by Skee-Lo was good, not my favorite, but I didn’t hate it. I am kind of feeling that it’s an athlete due to the height and also how he speaks. 

So this guess is an idea I got from the Internet (subject to change because I have no clue about sports players): 

Rashad Jennings?

The only thing I got from the clues was:

Dancing with Stars= he won DWTS 

Clues IDK

Orange Jelly= ?

The clock with the Bear Mask on the 5= ? 

Swinging Keys= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Nicole= Swiss Beats (meh idk) 

Ken: Damon Lillard (I like this guess, tbh.. I kinda agree with it being a sports player)

Robin: Tyler the Creator (that would be cool but I don’t think so) 

5. THE BABY ALIEN

Performance: His performance of Faith by George Micheals was good too, better than I expected for the costume ngl. I had pretty low expectations but I am pleasantly surprised. He isn’t my favorite by any means and I am also a bit stumped by him especially because of that fake Russian accent, but I am in between 2 people at the moment....

The 2 people I am in between are either Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham or actor 

JASON SEGEL 

It kinda sounds like him and the clues are a bit confusing but there’s one I understand too:

Tony Awards Reference= he’s been on Broadway 

The mask’s a puppet and Segel is a big fan of puppets (He was also in the Muppets movie) 

CLUES IDK 

Space clues= ?

Friends Reference (2nd Gear)= ?

Ferris Beuller references= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: Ralph Macchio (meh I guess that’s good) 

Nicole: David Schwimmer (not bad, but idk it doesn’t really sound like it)

Ken: Freddie Prinze Jr. (ya, no) 

Alright so that’s it! I am so sorry for it being late, but better late than never... I’ve been pretty busy so hopefully this weekend I will have tonight’s episode recap up... THANK YOU FOR READING AND I WILL SEE YOU IN THE NEXT ONE *blows kiss* byeeee! 

[bartsugsy]

The Robron Break-Ups : A Definitive Guide (Part Four/A Large Number)

Part One / Previous Part / All / AO3

And so we return again to what is ostensibly a Break Up Counter but is actually at this point just a general recap of Aaron and Robert’s entire storyline, because I literally have no self-control.

Fair warning to you - with this post we reach The Donny Saga and The Time of Chrobert and the first Proper Break Up, which is personally one of my least favourite eras as far as Aaron and Robert are concerned and I spend most of it wanting to silently and furiously throw sharp objects at my tv screen. I MAY NOT BE AS SUBTLE ABOUT MY DISLIKE AS I COULD BE, TO BE HONEST.

But still, this has been therapeutic, and has reminded me that we’ve lived through many a Dark Age before.

Anyway, everyone loves a good bit of low-key saltiness don’t they? And also, in amongst all the… Lachlan stuff… there’s still some really wonderful moments, because of course there are. It’s Aaron and Robert.

I love you all. Thank you for your kind comments and likes/kudos/general loveliness. Enjoy.

Part Four: The Real Deal

16. 15th April 2015

So we pick up with things happening with Lachlan that I’m not even going to pretend to care about. Robert is distracted, Aaron is back from the hospital and Paddy and Chas are both Very Unsatisfied by this whole goddamn bitch of a situation. Anyway - the important thing is, in among all this stuff, Lachlan’s dad Donny comes back, which is only enjoyable if you enjoy seeing Robert irrationally hate people out of sheer jealousy (which I do, so here I am).

In the midst of all this, Aaron and Robert are not actually talking, according to Aaron, who is staring sadly at his phone in wait.  

(At the same time as this is happening, Vic and Adam agree to go on a double date with Finn and the bloke he’s seeing and I scream a thousand screams of actual agony because when will they go on a double date with Aaron and Robert what the ACTUAL HELL)

(…moving on)

Anyway, Robert rocks up at the Woolpack to visit Aaron, who is still annoyed that Robert has been ignoring his messages and expresses this. Robert explains that Donny has turned up, Aaron asks if Robert’s jealous and Robert pulls this great ~offended~ face, as if that’s not exactly what’s happening. Aaron teases Rob a little bit to try and lighten the mood but Robert still kind of looks grumpy, so Aaron gets the hump and tells Robert to call him when he’s ready to talk. As he leaves, Robert looks all sad and guilty. It’s so hard maintaining two romantic relationships at once, isn’t it Robert? Poor angel.

How long did it last? Less than a day. Probably minutes, honestly. Robert had probably text Aaron with a wink face and a flirty joke before he even got out of the door.

But on screen, the very next day we see them at the scrapyard, literally just standing around and making out next to a rusty old van. Robert checks his watch to keep an eye on the time (lest Chrissie get suspicious) and Aaron comments that Robert has yet to have a go at him today - an odd occurrence given how moody Robert has obviously been lately. Robert laughs and explains that it’s Donny (TO WHICH AARON REPLIES “IT’S AARON, ACTUALLY”. AARON DINGLE KING OF HUMOUR). Robert goes on to talk about his annoyance at Donny’s general presence, because he’s clearly jealous and worried that he’s going to start making moves on Chrissie. Aaron, understandably, is about as sympathetic as an imminently dying person might be towards someone who sneezed once 5 hours ago and points out the absurd irony that Robert is worried about Chrissie cheating.

Robert doesn’t quite dignify that observation with a response, but simply apologises because he’s aware that him moaning about his marriage to his lover is probably not the smoothest of moves. He dials the pretty charm up to 560 and tells Aaron that they should meet tonight and go on a big romantic date with food and drinks and that Aaron should wear a suit (OK HE SAYS “PUT SOMETHING DECENT ON” BUT THIS OBVIOUSLY MEANS SUIT IT’S ROCK SOLID CANON THAT ROBERT LITERALLY FALLS OVER HIMSELF AT THE SIGHT OF AARON IN A SUIT SO) and that he might even be able to wrangle them an entire night together. He leaves and Aaron watches him go, biting back the smallest little smile because he’s all excited. Well. That will disappear soon.

Who came crawling back first? I don’t know they literally went from Aaron walking out to the two of them snogging. It was obviously Robert though.

How little did they mean it? 0/5 I mean why even ask at this point

17. 16th April 2015 - 17th April 2015

So, Aaron goes home after work and gets ready for his date with Robert. He’s not wearing a suit and I’m upset about it. Probably for the best though, because Robert has literally gone home and immediately dragged Chrissie into bed because he is the dictionary definition of “insatiable”, with the intent of spending the night with her. Has he already forgotten what he just said to Aaron? Stop double booking your dates Robert, you literal butthole.

Robert sort of neglects to mention his self-inflicted change of plans to Aaron, who ends up waiting around in the Woolie and leaving an angry voicemail with Robert, who obviously still hasn’t turned up. Luckily, Chas comes along to provide an excellent distraction, when she reveals that James has cheated on her. Cain barges in shortly afterwards and both he and Aaron look ready to punch all the things.

Aaron walks out (or hobbles - he’s still on crutches following his accident) and gets almost accidentally pushed to the floor by Paddy. Paddy notices the Face of Thunder™ Aaron is wearing and asks what’s wrong. Aaron fills him in about James and just sort of looks fed up with life. To rub salt into an already gaping wound, Robert rocks up with Chrissie, heading towards the pub, for the date night that he and Aaron were supposed to have, because apparently it’s ASSHOLE WEEK AND ROBERT IS THE NUMBER ONE PARTICIPANT DO YOU MIND ROBERT YOU’RE MAKING YOUR BOYFRIEND SAD YOU FLIPPING BAGEL BITE OH MY GOD

It’s at this point that I’m remembering why I never rewatch this particular era in their storyline.

Anyway, Aaron limps off, even angrier still, and snaps at a following Paddy to leave him be. Back at the pub, Aaron bumps into James, who is going through the ‘collecting his stuff’ stage of the break up. James tries to apologise and Aaron calls him a little muppet, growls a bit and refuses to let him leave.

James snaps and says that Aaron gets a free pass with Chas for every mistake he makes, which he understands because Aaron is her son, but - to quote James - “boy, do you need it”. Well, James isn’t wrong. In perfect soap timing, Robert chooses this moment to walk into the pub with Chrissie, still on the date he was supposed to take Aaron on. Aaron and James’ fight escalates, Aaron follows him out into the pub and catches sight of Robert and Chrissie, James calls him a coward who can’t face up to his actions and Aaron just snaps, grabs an ENTIRE FUCKING WINE BOTTLE and bottles James over the head.

In front of a lot of witnesses.

James gets back up and they start arguing again, but Cain keeps them separate and forces James to leave. Robert gets up with the intent of “doing something” to help, having completely forgotten about Chrissie’s presence in the face of Aaron doing something stupid, but Chrissie immediately forces him to sit back down. Chas comes out, Pete rocks up, it’s a whole thing, there’s a lot of arguing and Aaron just really looks like he wants a fight. You’re on crutches son, be good to yourself.

Anyway, other stuff happens. Donny gets beaten up and Aaron gets questioned by the police because he literally assaulted James in front of like 50 witnesses. Luckily, James gives Aaron an alibi for the police and he’s free to go.

How long did it last? Bloody forever

Who came crawling back first? Robert. Obviously. Robert drives up to the village to talk to Aaron and apologises for standing him up the night before. It’s the worst apology I’ve ever heard and Robert seems mostly perplexed that Aaron doesn’t want to both forgive him and hear about his dramas with Donny trying to steal Chrissie or whatever.

A few days later, Robert goes to find Aaron at the scrapyard and apologise. This scene mostly exists for Aaron to tell Robert that he’s seen Donny for the first time and overheard a dodgy call, which sends Robert back to Home Farm to #expose Donny to Chrissie once and for all.

More stuff happens with Donny. Ross and Chrissie flirt and I cry over their absurdly good sexual chemistry. Other stuff happens with Donny and he tries to steal Lachlan from the village or whatever. Sadly, he fails. Chrissie takes this as a cue to have Donny brutally murdered or some shit and Robert finds this to be the best turn on in the world and god help me I literally love everything about them despite myself. They’re like the Ultimate Evil Scheming Power Couple of Emmerdale, except Robert is utterly in love with someone else and Chrissie deserves better.

Also at some point Bob makes Robert a cake and sings him Happy Birthday. I understand this has nothing to do with anything, but it felt important to point out.

How little did they mean it? I mean, as much as it didn’t even sound like a break up when it happened, a damn lot, a whole flipping 5/5.

The show has, at this point, basically decided that Home Farm week never happened and it’s Chrobert’s time to shine. At one point Robert goes to the pub while Aaron is there sitting pretty in the background and has a secret meeting with ROSS BARTON. They don’t even make eyes at each other, this era sucks.

Speaking of, Ross gleefully spills to Chrissie that Robert set up the Home Farm raid. She confronts Robert, he thinks she’s found out about Aaron, but nope. Just the original shit he pulled. She yells and then he yells and then Robert goes off to confront Ross and Aaron appears and Robert doesn’t even give him a flirty look and I just want this era to end.

Robert ends up with Diane, who insists that he stay with her in the pub. Aaron walks in to find Robert looking pathetic and STILL NOT TRYING TO BANG HIM

AND THEY ARGUE AS IF THEY NEVER WERE EVEN IN LOVE BECAUSE ROBERT IS ANGRY ABOUT LOSING CHRISSIE AND AARON IS ANGRY AT ROBERT FOR BEING A DICK AND THEN AARON THREATENS TO TELL CHRISSIE EVERYTHING AND ROBERT SAYS “YOU’RE NOTHING TO ME” AND EVERYTHING HURTS ME IT’S NOT EVEN GOOD ANGST™

They’re literally sleeping under the same roof and not talking OR banging.

It’s absurd and it’s offensive.

At the prospect of having to actually live with Robert, Aaron asks Paddy to borrow some money so that he can leave the village for a bit and get some thoroughly undramatic and much needed peace. He changes his mind though, and has a great chat with Chas about Robert and Carl and Aaron is absolutely resolute that he’s finished with Robert, regardless of whether he comes crawling back for more.

Later on, Robert has literally changed his tune entirely and tries to get back into Aaron’s good books. Aaron gives him a shove, tells him they’re done. Robert apologises, says he shouldn’t have pushed Aaron away, but Aaron stays true to his word and doesn’t give in.

Oh man, yeah. This is a Break Up.

Luckily, knowing what we know about these two, it may be Over For Now, but it is in no way Over For Good.

Honourable Mention #10: 11th May 2015 - 14th May 2015

Fast forward a bit. Robert and Aaron are still living under the same roof and still haven’t banged again, which is entirely unrealistic, but hey - good for Aaron. I guess. Speaking of Aaron, he literally grabs a paper and sticks it down in front of Robert, telling him to find his own place and move on. Robert, who is sitting at the bar looking thoroughly depressed, uses his Soft Aaron Voice and asks if they can go and talk somewhere. Aaron tells him to not be a prat and walks away.

CAN I JUST POINT OUT HOW GOOD ALL OF THIS COULD HAVE BEEN IF THE SHOW WANTED TO ADMIT THAT EITHER OF THEM EVER HAD FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER BEYOND “NICE DICK” BECAUSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO. GOOD. INSTEAD, THEY DON’T AND I’M MOSTLY JUST MAD.

ON PAPER IT SOUNDS LIKE THERE SHOULD BE ALL THIS SEXUAL TENSION AND ANGST AND IT SHOULD BE BEAUTIFUL. IT’S NOT. DON’T WATCH IT TO TRY AND PROVE ME WRONG. ALL YOU’LL END UP WITH IS DISAPPOINTMENT.

The next day, Robert is meeting with Rakesh, because despite Robert’s best efforts, Chrissie still wants to divorce him. She’s still upset about that whole Home Farm break in thing. Bummer. Aaron walks in on the meeting and refuses to leave, gloats, gets a good couple of digs in… generally looks like he’s having a very satisfying time winding Robert up. Robert reacts to this all by getting steaming drunk. Aaron finds him and takes him back to the Woolpack, gets him a coffee and takes care of him, because Aaron is a good person and also still completely in love with Robert.

Robert apologises sincerely, talks about how much being alone terrifies him and tries to kiss Aaron. Aaron pushes Robert away and walks out. Chas sees the kiss and freaks out once more that Aaron and Robert are going to end up together. I’m telling you - give Chas a detective show or a psychic certification because she’s NEVER WRONG ABOUT THIS STUFF.

Chas and Paddy confront Aaron once more and he decides to sort out the living-with-Robert situation once and for all - and goes to pay a visit to Chrissie.

Blinding red herring - here we are, getting ready to see Aaron reveal the affair, but instead Aaron goes to Chrissie and basically convinces her to give Robert another chance and my heart shatters to little pieces because oh my god, Aaron just wants to be away from Robert, knows that if Robert stays they’ll end up getting back together and it’s just sad ok it’s sad and I’m sad.

The scene is amazing though. Aaron really sells it and it’s fascinating. He goes back to the Woolie to find a now sober and hungover Robert, who is absolutely not in the mood for Aaron to have it out with him again about moving out. Aaron explains what he’s done to Robert. Chrissie appears just in time to overhear their conversation. It all starts off great, then Robert starts bitching and Aaron admits that he flat out lied to Chrissie and ultimately, Chrissie locks Robert in a barn and pretends to set it on fire.

Seems reasonable.

Ah yeah and lest we forget - that’s exactly the way his mother died.

God they’re terrible to each other.

Anyway - a fascinating little sidenote to this particular honourable mention: Robert, in another desperate attempt to get Chrissie back, tells her that he knows he does stupid things, hurts the people he loves, manipulates, etc. and that he’ll change. She almost believes him, until he accidentally drops the massive cheque she gave him as a settlement and frantically reaches down to grab it, proof that more than anything, Robert cares about her money. There are so many similarities between this and the conversation Robert will have with Aaron about how he wants to change and be better for Aaron - except that with Aaron he honestly, genuinely means it.

He’s nowhere near there yet though. He does, however, go back to the Woolpack to find Aaron and they have a conversation - one of the first probably almost civil conversations since they split up.

Robert asks Aaron to run away with him. They’ll take the cheque Chrissie gave him and make a fresh start somewhere else, together. Aaron says that if Robert had been asking this a few weeks ago, Aaron would already be out of the door with his bags packed and ready to go. Now though - now he’s lost his trust in Robert and more than that, knows that wherever they go, even with Robert not being with Chrissie, they still won’t be able to be openly in a relationship because Robert still isn’t ready to come out.

Because, and this is important, Robert has spent all this time not with Chrissie, with Chrissie seemingly firmly out of the picture, and he and Aaron still haven’t become a proper couple - which is something I think Aaron had really put his hopes on, deep down - that the person getting between them was Chrissie, more than Robert himself.

Aaron asks Robert to go out into the bar and tell everyone, to “say it proud” and of course, Robert isn’t in the right place to do it. Aaron says that all he wants is for Robert to not be in his face 24/7 and tells him to “do one” (ah boy, I’ve missed that phrase) and storms off.

Honourable Mention #11: May 2015 - June 2015

FAST FORWARD SOME MORE. Robert and Chrissie get back together because Robert and Lachlan are like best buddies at this point and Lachlan helps out. It’s adorable in the sense that Ryan and Louise have lovely chemistry, but you know, whatever.

Robert breaks the news to Aaron and is all “no hard feelings” which Aaron quite rightly laughs off because What. The. Hell. Ah Robert, you dingbat. You can try to pretend like what you had with Aaron meant nothing but we all know the truth son. WE KNOW THE TRUTH.

He’s so good at lying to himself, isn’t he?

Aaron gets distracted by more Adam and Victoria drama, which is great. Anyway, on the day Victoria and Adam are supposed to move in together, Vic finds out that Adam had a one night stand with Vanessa and may have knocked her up. Aaron is a supportive friend and Robert appears to have the sweetest conversation with Victoria and be a supportive brother.

I say sweetest, but the whole thing is literally him suggesting she get her revenge.Whatever, it’s still sweet. Robert decides the best way to do this is to use some of his dodgy contacts to try and get Adam arrested because of course that’s how Robert responds to things.

Anyway, this is all to set the scene for Robert’s sudden and visceral hatred of Adam Barton. Vic and Adam reunite and decide to run off together with the intent of getting married. Robert… does not take this well.

So. Short and sweet (…in a way). I’m ending this here so that I can get it out of my drafts and move on to the next post, because this entire thing was written about two months ago and has been sitting untouched ever since. Tragic. So, onwards to the next part - which, coincidentally, is my all-time favourite era and also, let’s be honest, possibly the worst robron break-up to exist in this day and age so far.

(AND FOREVER MORE I DO NOT WANT LODGE PART TWO DO U HEAR ME UNIVERSE? NO. ONCE WAS PLENTY.)

That’s right kiddies. It’s The Lodge.

[mcwillytime-blog]

Sesame Stories pt 1: Pre Show

Sesame Stories: The Pre-Show

Here I shall begin a new ongoing series called "Sesame Stories," based upon my, and select other people's stories of triumph, woe and tragic mistakes whilst working at

"Sesame Place."

If you didn't grow up on the eastern seaboard, you probably don't know about Sesame Place, which is a real, actual, popular Anheiser-Busch-owned theme park based around PBS's "Sesame Street." Is it appropriate to have a beer brewer run a kids park? Yes, but it's INappropriate for it not to serve beer, because after hearing "

Fuzzy and Blue

" played on the loudspeaker 50 times in one day, you WILL want to murder your children, and potentially several of those around you belonging to others. I shall tell these stories here, in random fashion. Some are so funny that you will actually die laughing. Others are simply entertaining.

All of your favorite characters are in residence at Sesame Place: Elmo, Grover, Oscar and of course, Big Bird. Have I personally spent time walking in the Big Bird costume? Yes, I goddamn have and it's a hell of a story. One that you'll have to wait to hear.

Anyway, I worked at Sesame Place for nigh on 3 years, from my 17th-19th birthdays. The place was a shit show, run by a man who I won't mention by name, but simply by his mannerisms, which mimicked EXACTLY, Bill Lumberg of "Office Space." So closely in fact, that I'll call him "Bill" in the context of these writings. Bill literally spoke in the same passive aggressive format, years before the film came out ("O-Space" debuted in 1999, my tenure at SP was from '96-'99). Oh, also, Bill graduated from CLOWN COLLEGE. FACT. I challenge you to meet one person that graduated from Clown College that provides anything of worth to this world. Even farmers refuse to utilize their filthy clown feces to fertilize crops, which either turn out to be comedically over-sized or comedically undersized, and can only be used at a county fair. JUST LIKE FUCKING CLOWNS.

Now, below is an occurrence between Bill and I that happened back stage at the "Spooky Kooky Castle Magic Show," of which I was one of the "stars." (More info about the show in a later post). The Spooky had a TERRIBLE pre-show, wherein one of the two stars of the show would go out on stage ahead of time and pretend to be a mind reader, like the amazing Karnak from Carson. This was supposed to get people in the mood for the show, but just ended up being terribly lame, due to amazingly bad writing wrapped around horrible puns that were too old for the 5 year olds in attendance to understand, and two young/stupid for the adults.

Over the course of the summer season, we had a pretty standard operating procedure at the Spooky: Begin the season doing everything by the book, then slowly but surely abandon almost every single thing that was written in lieu of improvised lines. The worst of the worst was the pre-show, so that got the ax the fastest.

So after much arguing and feats of strength, I ended up losing the battle to decide who would have to put their dignity and precious lying around time aside to do the dreaded pre-show.  I put on my giant red robe and even more giant turban and traipsed around the outside of the theater to interact with the 14 people that had arrived early. The pre-show was supposed to be around 5 minutes long. At this point we had cut it to three minutes, and on that day, which was particularly hot, I cut it down to two. I think I said about 3 lines, talked to 2 people and called it a day. After the show, we got a knock on the back door. Who's there? Fucking Bill.

Bill:

"Hi, Brian! Hey bud, I noticed you cut the pre-show a little short today, huh?"

Brian:

"Oh, yeah I didn't feel like the crowd was that into it, and we had some trouble with one of the tricks so I wanted to get back stage to try to fix it."

Bill:

"Really? Which trick? We should have some spares, right?"

Brian:

"Um, (stalling and trying to think of a currently broken trick I could find backstage) the flag trick. The flipper thing isn't working and we can't get the right flags out."

Bill

: "OK, we'll get on fixing that for you. Now, about the pre-show. It would just be great if you could just go ahead and make sure to do the whole thing every time. I'm sure the crowd would really appreciate it."

Brian

: "Bill, I'm telling you, I've been doing it all season and it never gets laughs. We just go out there to die."

Bill

: "Yeah...well, I don't know about that. I think it's some pretty funny stuff. Maybe you just need to put a little more energy in it."

Brian

: "I'm telling you, it's just not funny. NO ONE can make this funny. The jokes are lame. Even the kids don't laugh. It's terrible and we should just stop doing it."

Bill:

"Ok..well, you have your opinion but I want you to keep doing it. Just really have a great attitude out there and people will love it. I'll check back in with you guys to make sure it's going well."

Bill leaves and my buddy Dan, who is back stage with me and the other star of the show (other than mother-fuckin' COUNT VON COUNT that is!) has this shocked/terrified look on his face. "What the hell are you looking at me like that for?" I ask. "Bill WROTE that pre-show!" Dan yells. "You didn't know that? You just told him to his face that it was garbage!"

WAAAAMP WAAAAAAAMP. Sad Trombone. Suffice to say we had to do the piece of shit for the rest of eternity, and this was the start of my antagonistic relationship with Bill.

That is but the first, and least funny, of the stories I have from this park. I wanted to start us in slow before getting to:

My walking in the Big Bird costume

My "Buddy Holly" act in the parade

When I was a Pirate

People masturbating in places they shouldn't

People leaving stage to shit

Fun with magic tricks

Vomiting muppets

Chemical burns

Leotards

Accidental Racism

Accidental Homophobia

Atomic bombs

Ugly children and my ability to make fun of them DIRECTLY to their parents faces

Stay tuned! 

[makiruz]

#I REGRET NOTHING#this comic inspired by how in Destined Crossroad#when it's just Zett beliarok DIPS immediately#but the instant haruki is back HERE COMES BELIAROK#beliarok just likes This Guy ok#he just thinks he's neat#zett though? zett's a dweeb#(don't listen to him zett ok i love u bb)#anyway i love this murder muppet ok the end

:( but it's an amazing, generous offer, haruki