ihate3umath

[autumnrory]

FINALLY starting to feel a little better about christmas though i only have two things on me and one thing ordered BUT i got a list of books from my mom so i can order those when i order the cookbook for my sister in law and my mom also mentioned something my sister wants that i could get, gonna do most of the kids' shopping on friday, still need ideas for my nephew and godson though, plus i have general ideas for my dad and brother lol you guys are getting gift cards and a little something else bc you are too difficult for me to shop for ANYWAY like i am going to make progress in the coming days so it's fine

[untitledgoosegay]

re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"

this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?

some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.

take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.

and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.

people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.

that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis

[icewindandboringhorror]

Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~

(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)

[yourlocalabomination]

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

[l-e-morgan-author]

I'm musing on my plans ahead for a specific story (I'll update y'all when the month is over and I'm back on social media! but I have made a plot breakthrough literally three years in the making), and I realised: this character would absolutely have religious OCD/scrupulosity. So I need to do research.

People with ROCD, what resources would you recommend/what is it like living with scrupulosity? I may live with it myself, but I have no formal diagnosis and no medical professional has ever considered exploring it (that'd be multiple friends who've asked if I have OCD) so I'm hesitant to give her purely what I feel/experience in case I'm misleading myself.

A google search wasn't particularly helpful on specifically how to write it, hence why I came here.

Please signal boost and give me ideas :)

Though I won't see any responses until the month is over, if you have questions about the story itself and how her issues impact and are impacted by it, I'm happy to answer anything. I don't know how to keep a spoiler to save my life, lol.

[spacemancharisma]

REDBOX IS DEAD I WILL CRY FOREVER

[bihanapologist]

I believe that bi-han is the way he is because of his upbringing and because of the patriarchal systems in his clan, so it would be poetic if his partner (fem reader) was also a victim of patriarchal systems in her clan but because of that, she has an entirely different personality compared to bi-han.

as a man, bi-han was raised to be the head of the household. to never show emotions, to never cry, to always be strong. weakness wasn't tolerated. in contrast, reader was raised to step aside in favour of the men in her household, to be obedient and a perfect wife. perhaps both of them had oppressive father figures but because of their upbringings, bi-han ended up aggressive and cold while reader became reserved and meek.

for reader, it hurts when she has to marry bi-han for he is an image of her father. she was raised to be the perfect wife and daughter yet she always falls short in the eyes of her husband and her father. she wants to detest the men in her life yet she clings onto any form of male validation. it's just painful and interesting to see how patriarchy doesn't just affect women, but everyone.

[chrrywvea]

setting up my new portable cd player & testing it with my linkin park cds while i watch saw v, obsess over hoffdaddy and eat sour gummy worms

it's the small things

[finchers-ipad]

Saw you have a Brad Pitt dvd section. I do too, only mine's organized by which ones are my favorites. A lot of the time I think DVDs are dying, the odd post pleasantly surprises me xD

this is my full Brad Pitt collection in order, this is basically how they look on my shelf except his Fincher movies are in a different section and ‘Inglorious Basterds’ is with my Tarantino films, then the oceans movies are together. i haven’t watched all of them yet. this section is the biggest in terms of actors in mine, and then i have Ed Norton’s movies next to his.

i love dvds!!!! i have probably around 200 now. i think they are a million times better than exclusively relying on streaming services because say your favourite movie is on one of them, then it’s just taken away one day and you can’t find it online anywhere. THAT SUCKS. also renting movies on like amazon prime or apple tv is like £5 for a day when i got most of mine for 25-50p from my local charity shops and they last forever.

the only way i’m glad that dvds are dying is how cheap they are now but i think everyone should use dvds more. not even blue-rays because they are more expensive (why are they like £10 for second hand i have no idea). THEY ARE DYING AND ITS DEPRESSING. DVD COMMENTARY! SPECIAL FEATURES! BEHIND THE SCENES! it’s all great extra content for movie lovers and and it’s all going away. and the dvds that are being released with new movies aren’t as cool, whatever happened to fun title screens and secret details in them.

i think dvds should come back in a bigger way, you get the odd release but they are either exclusively for blue-ray or the dvds are crazy expensive. or even i think streaming services original films should force the director and actors to sit down and record a commentary track and put it on spotify or youtube or something because THATS WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT!!

[todayisafridaynight]

i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive

ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is

[privartidahos]

PHYSICAL MEDIA TIL I DIE 🗡️ (titane dvd design by yours truly)

[reinedeslys-central]

when it's been so long since you've read a fic that you forget about it and you find it in the search tags and start reading it again

and it's great, if a little familiar, but you've read a lot of these sorts of fics bc you like this tag a lot, so you assume it's nothing

but then the deja vu starts adding up and you start to wonder

and then moments before the great big Plot Twist Reveal happens you're suddenly like ah hell this is the bloody sundial fic again isn't it

smh this has to be the fourth time yet

[icewindandboringhorror]

It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.

Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.

[ravenwolfie97]

all pokemon games are good but they are not all equally as good

send post

[glitterghost]

Not me (finally) buying a physical copy of 2005's Pride & Prejudice because I don't trust streaming companies to not take away whatever digital version I might purchase.

(Okay, yeah, it's totally me!)

[optimistpax]

[ID: a screenshot from the TFwiki that says "At San Diego Comic-Con 2023, Kirkman stated that Skybound eventually plans to reprint material from previous publishers such as Marvel Comics and IDW. End ID]

YEAHHHHHH!!!!!