#anyway i know they have a nervous system and they feel pain in their own little buggy way

[teenagefeeling]

people who try to spin all forms of animal agriculture to somehow be for the benefit of the animal instead of just being able to admit that the only reason humans domesticated animals at all was because they are useful to us are like the exact inverse of vegans who refuse to see any situation ever where using an animal product might be humane and insist that even shit like harvesting honey is evil. i think it's that thing my old psychologist taught me about called "black and white thinking"

[geeky-politics-46]

Party For Two

Smut - Explicit content - NSFW - 18+ only!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky discuss what he wants to do for his birthday and what he wants as his present.

Warnings: Smut (NSFW) - 18+ ONLY - vaginal sex, unprotected sex, oral sex, light dirty talk, pet names, language, creampie, Bucky in his underwear needs a warning all its own

You could seriously just watch Bucky walk around in his underwear all day and be happy as a clam. You've told him before, and you'd tell him again. That he should just not wear clothes when you two were spending the day at home. 

It didn't matter if he threw on a shirt. Some days, having his arm and his scars completely visible bothered him. Sometimes he had phantom limb pain and needed the arm off completely, prefering to cover his scars as you tried to help with the residual nerve damage in his shoulder and back. 

Shuri did a lot, but she couldn't rewire the mess of his nervous system Hydra had left behind. Despite your assurance that you loved every inch of him, you would never push him to do something he didn't want to do. Some days were harder than others and you made sure he felt safe and loved even on his worst days. So your main rule was just no pants.

A man in his underwear should not turn you into this much of a hot horny mess, especially when you get to see him totally naked regularly. Although Bucky was an incredible specimen of a man.

Even now, you could see his lips moving, but your brain could not process the words he was saying. Not when those tight boxer briefs made his ass look like you could just bite into it. Not to mention how they perfectly cupped his bulge. The way you could just slightly see his cock and balls jiggle as he walked. It felt dirty but still kind of sweet. 

It made you just want to play with his cock. Not necessarily in a hand job sexual way, but just hold it and pet it. Tell him how pretty and perfect his cock was. Gently massage and rub his balls and kiss all over him. He did have the prettiest cock. 

You also loved how much he blushed whenever you told him how pretty his cock was. The old-fashioned boy from the 1940's was still taken aback by such words coming from your pretty little mouth. Even if it was a genuine compliment he still wasn't used to hearing a sweet pretty thing like you talk so openly about liking cock. Especially his. Especially when he wasn't already balls deep inside you.

Bucky agreed to the deal on the condition that you also wore no pants. You were allowed to throw on shorts or pj's on occasion, but only ones Bucky liked. Usually, you just went for an oversized shirt. 

Honestly, the two of you became quite the pair of hermits or homebodies. Your happy place was your apartment. Just the two of you, and Alpine, of course. You had all settled into your little domestic routine quite well. You couldn't help the little contented sigh that left your lips.

It was then that you realized Bucky had stopped talking and was staring back at you, trying not to laugh at your deer in headlights expression. You were caught red-handed, staring at him again. He couldn't be too mad about you not listening if you were gonna look so cute when busted.

"You know I think you have a bigger staring problem than I do, babydoll."

You could feel your cheeks blush as you both dissolved into little giggles. You knew he wasn't mad, but you still apologized anyway once you composed yourself. 

"I'm sorry, Buck. You are just too sexy sometimes for my brain to do anything but stare at you. I kinda like you, ya know." 

You gave him a teasing smirk punctuating your statement. Saying I love you was still new to the two of you, but Bucky would say it over and over the first few days. You couldn't help but tease him about it. All out of your own love for him though, and he knew it.

"Well, if you had been listening, you would know that Sam is inevitably going to try to throw me some sort of birthday party. He's been dropping hints for days, but if he asks please tell him we already have plans. I don't care what, but I really don't want a party." 

Of course, that's right. Sam had been after you about trying to do something for Bucky’s birthday. Sam wanted to go out and do something bigger. You knew all Bucky wanted to do for his birthday was be alone. It was hard for him think about all the birthdays, all the years, he had lost. He wanted to mark the day by enjoying the life he had waited so long for. 

He had waited so long to be at peace. Even though he still had missions to go on and work to do in the field, and in his own head, he felt a stability that he had always dreamed of. He had an apartment. Even if it wasn't the most put together. He had a pet. Alpine the fluffy white feline rescue who has helped him just as much as he helped her. 

Most importantly, he had you. He had an amazing girl that he wanted to settle down with. Create a home with. One day marry and have babies with. Assuming he could. He really didn't know if Hydra had done anything to affect his fertility. He didn't really want to know. For now, the 2 of you and Alpine was enough though.

That was what he wanted to celebrate, and he wanted to celebrate it by staying in with you. Just you, take out, tv or movies. Then, of course he planned to cash in his birthday points on dirty noise-complaint-getting loud sex. Some people may think it sounded boring, other than the sex part maybe, but that was exactly what he loved about it. 

You could see him planning out the evening he really wanted in his mind. He always joked about not wanting anyone else in his head, but he did love that you seemed to be able to read his mind. 

"What if I tell Sam that we are having a party and he just isn't invited? That it's a party just for two. Just you and me. I'll even let you pick dinner." 

He pretended to think about it as he walked over to the side of the couch you were on. Reaching across the arm of the sofa to help you up onto your knees so he could wrap his arms around your waist. Letting yourself slide up his muscular chest and link behind his neck. A mischievous smile curled up on his lips.

"I like the sound of that. I do still want cake though. Are you planning any party games?" 

You nodded at his request. Oh you were planning on cake, ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate syrup. Basically, any sort of dessert that could be enjoyed in both appropriate and inappropriate ways. 

"Well cake is a given of course. I'm sure we can find all sorts of creative ways to enjoy it too. As far as games, I do have a couple things in mind. Tell me how do you feel about naked Twister?"

He grabbed your waist a little tighter and growled a little at the idea of the two of you bent into all sorts of compromising positions. His blood starting to rush to his groin as you toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

"You know, I may need a little practice. Why don't we have a little practice party right now? Just so I know what to expect on my birthday." 

You smiled and shook your head at him, he knew you were a sucker for that look he got when he was feeling frisky. The crooked little grin, the way he would bite his lip, and the way his pretty blue eyes would sparkle. It was like your lips were pulled to his by a magnet. Moving closer on their own volition. 

Not that you mind of course. Your thoughts had already been in the gutter from watching Bucky strut around the house in those tight boxer briefs. Now you knew his was there too. The feeling of his bulge hardening against you, confirming that and making you wiggle your hips in anticipation.

He pulled back so his lips were barely touching yours, eliciting a needy little whine from you. You wanted more of him. You always wanted more of him. His hands started to slide down your low back to cup your ass cheeks, bending his knees a little so he could get a firm hold on you. 

"Mmm, can smell you, babydoll. You smell so good. Know you taste even better though. Taste even sweeter than that birthday cake will. I want a taste, baby girl."

He almost effortlessly scooped you up off the couch, your legs quickly swinging to wrap around his waist. Alpine had abandoned the couch to go hide under the table the minute you two started getting lovey. So without fear of stepping on her tail he practically sprinted to your shared bedroom, plopping you down unceremoniously onto the bed before lunging so he was on top of you. 

His lips hurried back to connect with yours in a frenzy of playful, passion filled kisses. Letting your hands wander up and down each others bodies, rubbing and touching any bit you could grab. Slowly working to get your hand down to rub over his cock. Straining against the soft fabric of his underwear. Still getting harder as you massaged him. 

You pulled your lips away from his so you could admire his cock in your hand. Even though it was still hidden behind the dark fabric, you couldn't help the way you licked your lips and moaned at the sight. He was just so perfect and thick. You knew the serum hadn't changed his height and size near as dramatically as Steve, but it did effect his muscle mass. You had a little bit of a hope that it had made his cock this thick. Otherwise those girls in the 40's wouldn't have survived.

"Starting to think you might be a little obsessed with my cock, babydoll." 

He teased you as he started kissing and sucking at your neck. Letting you enjoy your view as he let his hips occasionally roll and rut into your hand. You hummed in agreement as he began teasing his vibranium hand up and under your shirt. 

"Can't help it, baby. It's just so fucking perfect and big. Fills me up so good. So much better than any of my toys. Plus I kinda love the man it's attached to." 

He nuzzled his face into your neck before you felt him grin against your skin. He whispered an "I love you too baby…". Suddenly moving quickly and knocking your balance out from you as he in one smooth move threw off the shirt you were wearing and rushing to get your panties off just as fast. Leaving you suddenly naked underneath him. 

"... I'm also kind of obsessed with this pretty pussy. So I guess we're even." 

His body dropping to the bed and your legs thrown over his shoulders as he descended on you. Wet kisses along the crease of your inner thigh, just shy of where you desperately wanted his lips. Jumping to the other side and letting his warm breath dance across your dripping sex.

You could feel his bright blue eyes on you as he placed his first long lick up your slit. Making sure to cover every inch from your tight light hole up to your clit. Stopping to place several small kisses and kitten licks on the bundle of nerves. Hearing your breath already starting to falter.

Bucky loved eating you out. It wasn't something he remembered doing more than maybe once or twice before you, and he can't remember enjoying it nearly as much back then as he did now. Maybe he was more selfish back then. Maybe those women had just been less secure and open about what felt good. Women being so vocal about enjoying sex was pretty taboo in his day, but the way you reacted to his mouth on you made him obsessed. 

Each time you moaned as swirled his tongue around your clit. Each time you would grind against his face as he thrust his tongue inside you. Each time you would pull his hair as rubbed his whole face farther into your wet cunt. It all made him want to spend the rest of his life wirh his head between your thighs. Not even caring that he usually ended up so worked up he would start humping the mattress underneath him in an unconscious effort by his cock to get some sort of attention. 

He didn't even want to stop after he heard you whine and moan his name when you came. Why would he stop when he had the opportunity to lick up even more of your sweet nectar from your orgasm? No, he only stopped when he had his fill of  feasting on your cunt and your cum. Leaving you teetering on the edge of overstimulation. 

"Definitely my favorite treat. Hell fuck the cake, I just want your pussy as my birthday treat. What you think, doll? Can I have your pretty slutty little cunt as my birthday present? Can I eat it and play with it and fuck it whenever and however I want?" 

By now he started working his way back up your body as you clung to sheets arching into his mouth as he moved. Pressing your breasts against his face as he reached your chest. Greedily encouraging him to take one of your nipples into his mouth as his metal fingers pinched at the other. The contrast of his warm mouth and the cool vibranium making your skin prickle into goosebumps. 

After switching sides, making sure to give both perky pebbled nipples the attention they deserved, he made it back up to your lips. Kissing you once before nipping at your lower lip playfully. 

You had already wrapped your legs around his waist, trying to pull his pelvis to yours. Your fingers now tangled and tugging at the fabric of his boxer briefs trying to get them down. Desperately trying to get his cock free so you could feel him against your still soaked and needy cunt. 

"I'm waiting for an answer baby, tell me and then I'll take these off. Fuck you nice and hard. Can I have your perfect tight little hole as my birthday present? I want to spend my party making you scream and cum all over my cock." 

The sound of his filthy birthday wish pulled a deep groan from your chest. You wanted to spend his party doing that too, and what the birthday boy wants the birthday boy gets. You let your body go lax so he would be able to easily position you however he wanted you as you answered. 

"Yes, Bucky, holy fuck yes! My pussy is all yours, birthday boy. Use it however you want, James. All for you." 

"That's my good girl." 

He got back up on his knees and shimmied his underwear down and kicking them off. You eyes glued to his cock before it even sprung free from the fabric. A whimper falling from your mouth when a dribble of pre-cum dripped from his swollen flushed cockhead onto your low belly. A string of fluid running from his cock and starting to make a mess on you. He knew by the look in your eyes that he had you in the palm of his hand. So you promptly obliged when he told you what he wanted next. 

"Spread your legs farther, babydoll. Pull them back and hold onto your ankles for me. I want to see every little bit of my present." 

Quickly you worked to fold yourself in half as best as you could. Opening you up even more to Bucky’s gaze. His eyes raking over your body as be stroked his length a few times. Stopping only when you started to wiggle your hips, trying to urge him to touch you.

"Impatient, aren't you baby?" 

His tongue darting out to lick his lips, still swollen for having his face buried in your pussy, before a faux pout crossed his face. Cooing lightly at you as he started slapping his cock on your sensitive cunt. 

"God you look so fucking good when you get all needy for my cock baby. Saw you get that look in your eyes earlier. Knew that smart little brain had stopped thinking of everything but my cock. It's all yours baby." 

He placed his tip at your entrance and slowly started to push his hips forward. Sliding himself into you one inch at a time. Letting you feel every little bit of stretch he gave you. The feeling making you both moan in pleasure. Stilling in place once he had bottomed out inside you. 

"Fuck darlin', that's the prettiest thing I've ever seen. Look so beautiful getting fucked with my bare cock baby."

You gave him a seductive look and bit your lip. 

"Happy early birthday baby." 

With that, he gingerly drug his hands from the backs of your heels all the way down to the backs of your thighs. Gripping onto the flesh there and bracing you for his next move. Bucky slowly started to pull his hips back and started building speed with his first thrust back in. 

A feral look in his eyes as he watched where his cock was impaling you. Hypnotized by the sight. The image of your pussy stretched tight around his cock. The way his cock shined, wet with your arousal. It tipped him over the edge when he started hearing the wet squelch of your pussy as he thrust into you spurring him on to fuck you harder. 

The headboard starting to thump against the wall under the force of Bucky’s thrusts. A litany of swears falling from both of you. Your moans and squeaks as he pounded you accented by the sound of his full balls slapping against your ass. Each of you getting closer to climax with each sound the other made.

When he could feel his balls starting to tighten and he knew he was close to blowing, he let his flesh hand dip to rub at your clit. Smearing your wetness around to make his action smoother.  

After a moment of him touching your clit he found the perfect speed and spot. Feeling the fire start burning in your belly you let your eyes roll back in your head. 

"Oh fuck Bucky, right there! Don't stop, baby please don't stop!" 

His hips only sped up even more at your reaction. 

"Oh don't worry, dollface. I'm not stopping until I make a mess in my birthday present. You want that babydoll? You want to cum in you pretty girl? Let me hear it baby." 

Few things could throw you over the edge quite like Bucky when he talked dirty. It fueled that fire in your belly and sent it boiling over. As you came undone on his cock you practically cried for him to cum inside you. Your pussy squeezing and fluttering around his cock, practically milking him.

"James!!! Cum in me please, fuck I'm cumming for you baby. God you make me cum so good. It's your pussy daddy. Fuck it and fill it please, please!" 

By the time you had finished cumming, you felt his cock start to throb as he climaxed. Your body still jerking from your own orgasm with each stream of cum you felt him shoot into you until you were nearly overflowing. 

After a few minutes of basking in each other's afterglow, Bucky eventually pulled out of you with a groan and rolled over. Promptly grabbing you up in his arms again and pulling you over to cuddle. Pressing kisses into your hair as you drew little patterns on his chest. 

"If this is what I can expect for my birthday party, then happy birthday to me indeed." 

You gave him a wicked grin as you looked up at him. 

"Oh no, Buck, this was just practice. Remember? Your actual birthday party is going to be even more fun."

--------------------------------

Back to main masterlist

[03jyh23]

— shooting stars!  || park seonghwa

loosely inspired by the drama shitting stars!

Most people aren’t interested in the truth. They just casually gossip to entertain themselves. No one takes responsibility for the caused pain.

idol!seonghwa x prmanager!reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut

trigger warnings: vanilla sex, honestly there's not much just kissing, touching, and... lovemaking. really soft smut. it's embarrassing, jealousy, argument, emotional distress, career-related stress, and difficult decisions

words: 8.2 k

reminder: what you're about to read is purely fiction, so let's keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! this is my longest story so far! i've been working on it like crazy for the past few days and here we finally are. so the smut... it's not really a smut but still? i tried oh god, i feel so embarrassed but yeah i just decided to go for it. it's again requested work but i actually changed some of it to fit into my idea... anyway thank you so much for requesting!

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i'd be so grateful for a little love – a like or comment would truly make my day!

The office in Mapo-gu, Seoul, felt stiflingly hot, despite having already downed three cups of iced coffee. With the air conditioning out of order and repairs not scheduled until two days later, you found yourself drowning in a sea of work. Who would have imagined that working at a medium-sized entertainment agency would entail such an overwhelming workload? You should have felt grateful for landing this job, considering the effort you had put into securing it, but at times, it felt overwhelmingly demanding. Being the head of the PR department at KQ Entertainment was certainly something to boast about, especially after ATEEZ's success. You joined the company a few years back when you were the sole member of the PR team. If you claimed you believed in the company's success from the beginning, you'd be lying. When you first entered, fear outweighed optimism regarding the future. Indeed, it was no small feat for eight teenage boys to shoulder the weight of an entire company, but ATEEZ rose to the challenge with unwavering determination and passion. Now, with two active bands under KQ's wings, you find yourself constantly occupied.  

Managing the members of ATEEZ was undoubtedly a challenging task, and surprisingly, it wasn't due to any misbehavior on their part. Despite their young age and the temptations that come with fame, the ATEEZ members remained remarkably grounded and focused on their careers. You truly admired that. But when a band from such a small company starts gaining momentum, rumors are bound to circulate. Your main priority was to prevent those rumors from leaking. Which wasn't easy, as people can be cruel when they're envious. But still, to this day ATEEZ has not been involved in any major scandals, which made you proud.  

In a small company like KQ, everybody knows each other. Initially, stepping into that environment, you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous around the members of ATEEZ. Their presence seemed to exude a magnetic energy that was both captivating and intimidating. As you interacted with them more and more, you realized that their aura was indeed something special. Each member brought their own unique charm and personality to the table. You and the members of ATEEZ grew slightly closer than others, due to your similar ages, but it was Seonghwa who stood out to you the most. His effortless humor, kindness, and genuine care for others made him a favorite. Right from the start, you felt drawn to him. However, you maintained a professional demeanor, knowing all too well the potential consequences of getting too close, especially considering his status as an idol. But at some point, company dinners and parties became regular occasions, where you celebrated each of ATEEZ’s success together. And as the alcohol in your system increased, your professionalism decreased. Your bond with Seonghwa deepened, you found yourself drawn to him more than ever before. Whether it was sharing drinks, engaging in playful games, or simply relishing heartfelt conversations over company dinner, you cherished every moment spent in his company. With each passing interaction, your admiration for him grew, and before you knew it, you were falling head over heels for him. Despite the looming fear of crossing a line you couldn't return from; you couldn't resist him. What started as a professional relationship evolved into something much deeper and more profound. The shy touches and lingering glances exchanged between you spoke volumes, conveying emotions that words alone couldn't express. In the midst of loud music and bustling crowds, you found yourselves leaning closer to each other, seeking solace in the warmth of each other's presence. His hand naturally gravitated to your waist whenever you stood side by side, a silent yet undeniable declaration of the connection you shared. 

The day had been long and exhausting, and you were just about ready to call it quits when the sudden intrusion of your boss jolted you from your thoughts. Startled, you looked up to see him standing in the doorway, a look of excitement and urgency written across his face. 

"Y/N! Have you heard?" he exclaimed; his voice filled with anticipation. You blinked in surprise, your exhaustion momentarily forgotten as you leaned forward in your chair.  

"Heard what?" you asked, curiosity piqued. Your boss couldn't contain his grin as he delivered the news.  

"ATEEZ just sold out an entire US Tour!" The words hung in the air, sinking in slowly as you processed their significance. And then, without warning, a surge of elation washed over you, and before you knew it, you were on your feet, a joyful scream escaping your lips. 

"What?" you exclaimed, unable to contain your excitement. Without a second thought, you rushed forward, enveloping your boss in a tight hug, overcome with happiness at the incredible news. It was a moment of pure exhilaration, a testament to the hard work and dedication of everyone involved in ATEEZ's journey. The exhaustion of the day melted away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment. The excitement in your boss's voice was contagious as he patted your back, a wide grin spreading across his face.  

"We are celebrating tonight!" he declared with enthusiasm, his words echoing through the office. A surge of anticipation raced through you at the prospect of celebrating ATEEZ's incredible achievement.  

"Absolutely!" you replied eagerly, already picturing the party ahead. With a playful wink, your boss continued,  

"So go back to your place, doll up, and I'll see you here at 7 sharp!" You nodded enthusiastically, a smile stretching from ear to ear.  

"You got it!" You exclaimed, already mentally planning your outfit for the evening. As you made your way out of the office, the excitement of the impending celebration filled you with renewed energy. With a spring in your step and a heart full of anticipation, you packed up your belongings and bid farewell to the office for the day. The thought of celebrating ATEEZ's success and the prospect of finally seeing Seonghwa filled you with an infectious excitement that bubbled within you. As you made your way through the bustling streets, the anticipation only grew stronger. The familiar sights and sounds of the city seemed to fade into the background, overshadowed by the promise of the evening ahead. Tonight was a night for celebration, a chance to toast to ATEEZ's success and revel in the joy of being surrounded by friends and colleagues. But above all else, it was a night to be reunited with Seonghwa, and you couldn't wait to see where the evening would take you. With a smile on your face and excitement in your heart, you pushed open the door to your apartment.  

After a quick shower to freshen up and wash away the cares of the day, you set about styling your hair and applying my makeup with meticulous care. With the luxury of extra time on your hands, you paid attention to every detail to ensure that you looked and felt your best for the evening ahead. After finishing your make-up, you reached out for your phone resting on the nightstand, your heart skipping a beat as you saw Seonghwa's name flashing on the screen. A surge of excitement coursed through you as you answered the call, eager to hear his voice after what felt like an eternity apart. 

"Hello?" You said, your voice tinged with anticipation as you brought the phone to your ear, butterflies dancing in your stomach. 

"Hey, it's me," Seonghwa's voice came through the line, warm and familiar, sending a rush of warmth through you. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you replied,  

"Hi, Seonghwa. I was just thinking about you." There was a pause on the other end of the line, followed by a soft chuckle.  

"Funny, I was just thinking about you too," he said, his voice filled with warmth and affection. "I will see you tonight, right?"  

"Absolutely, I wouldn't miss it for anything," you replied without hesitation, "We definitely need to celebrate!" 

"Honestly, the only thing that matters is that I will finally see you," Seonghwa's voice came through the phone, filled with warmth and affection. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you replied,  

"Same here, Seonghwa. I've missed you." And as you exchanged a few more words of affection and excitement, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the opportunity to be reunited once more. With a renewed sense of anticipation and joy, you ended the call, a sense of warmth and happiness lingering in your heart. Tonight was going to be a night to remember, and you couldn't wait to see Seonghwa's smiling face once more. 

Choosing the perfect outfit for the evening was challenging. On one hand, you wanted to look your best – to make a memorable impression on Seonghwa after being apart for so long due to his overseas schedule. But on the other hand, you didn't want to appear overdressed or out of place at the party. After rummaging through your wardrobe for what felt like an eternity, you finally settled on something. Opting for a timeless and sophisticated look, you selected a classic black shirt for the evening's celebration. Deciding to add a touch of allure to the ensemble, you opted to leave the top few buttons of the shirt undone, revealing a hint of skin. It was a small gesture, but it added just the right amount of intrigue to the outfit. Paired with a simple black skirt that hit just in the middle of your tights, the combination was effortlessly sexy. The monochromatic palette created a sleek and cohesive look that was eye-catching. With a few carefully chosen accessories – a delicate, gold necklace, a pair of understated earrings, and a sleek clutch – you completed the outfit. As you admired your reflection in the mirror, a sense of excitement washed over you. Tonight was going to be a night to remember. 

You entered the company building, the air was filled with electric energy, a tangible sense of excitement pulsating through the air. Everywhere you looked, you could see signs of preparation – colorful balloons swaying gently in the breeze, banners hanging from the walls, and a festive atmosphere that filled the space with warmth and joy. A smile spread across your lips as you took in the sight before you, feeling a surge of excitement building within you. It was clear that everyone had gone to great lengths to ensure that tonight's celebration would be a night to remember, a fitting tribute to ATEEZ's incredible achievement. With each step you took, the anticipation continued to build, fueled by the excitement of finally being reunited with Seonghwa and the rest of the ATEEZ members. After exchanging greetings with everyone and soaking in the festive atmosphere, you found yourself nestled in a cozy corner of the room, a drink in hand. As you scanned the bustling room, your heart skipped a beat with each familiar face that passed by, hoping to catch sight of Seonghwa among the crowd, but he was nowhere to be found.  

"Y/N!" As you heard your name called from across the room, you turned your head in the direction of the sound. Through the sea of people, you spotted a familiar face. 

"San!" You greeted him enthusiastically as he approached, a genuine smile spreading across your face at the sight of him. San was always such a warm and friendly presence, and you were genuinely glad that he had come over to you. "Congratulations!" you exclaimed as San pulled you in a warm hug. With a smile, you pulled back from the hug, meeting his gaze with genuine happiness in your eyes. "I'm so happy for you, San," you said sincerely, knowing that his success was well-deserved.  

"It's truly incredible," San replied, a smile tugging at his lips as he raised his glass to clink it against yours. The sound of glass meeting glass echoed through the room, a toast to success. "It's moments like these that make all the hard work worth it," San said, you nodded with agreement. "Here's to many more successes and celebrations to come." with a smile, you took another sip of your drink, savoring the moment and feeling grateful for the opportunity to share it with a friend like San. 

''Y/N! You look amazing!' You didn't notice when Hongjoong approached you, 

"Thank you!" You replied, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. Before you could react, Hongjoong took your hand and spun you around gently, causing laughter to bubble up from within you. His eyes scanned you appreciatively, and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks under his gaze. It was a simple gesture, but it filled you with a sense of happiness.  

"Am I interrupting something?" As the question hung in the air, you turned your gaze away from Hongjoong and met Seonghwa's eyes, feeling a rush of emotions wash over you. His presence seemed to fill the room, drawing you in with an intensity that was both exhilarating and unnerving. For a moment, time seemed to stand still as you locked eyes, a silent exchange passing between you both. In that moment, it felt as though the rest of the world faded away, leaving only the two of you standing there, caught in a moment. 

"No, not at all," you replied, as you tore your gaze away from Seonghwa's, turning back to face San and Hongjoong. "We were just catching up." your mind remained fixed on Seonghwa, unable to shake the feeling of his presence lingering in the air.  

"I was just telling her how amazing she looks tonight," As Hongjoong's words filled the air, a warm smile spread across your face at his kind gesture. It was a small reassurance amid the tension that lingered between Seonghwa and you, 

"Thank you, Hongjoong," you replied with genuine gratitude, meeting his gaze briefly before turning back to face Seonghwa once more. His eyes bore into yours, and you couldn't help but wonder what thoughts lay behind Seonghwa's gaze. 

''We will leave you two alone and say hi to the rest of the team.'' San spoke, as he took Hongjoong by his arm, and pulled him behind. 

"Of course," you replied, nodding in understanding as San and Hongjoong made their way towards the rest of the team. They disappeared into the crowd, leaving you alone. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence between you filled with unspoken words and unresolved tension. 

“I don’t like the way they look at you” Seonghwa's words hung in the air, breaking the silence with a weight that you couldn't ignore. His voice was soft, tinged with a hint of concern that sent a shiver down your spine. You couldn't help but feel a mix of surprise and curiosity at his sudden confession.  

"What do you mean?" you asked. There was a depth to his words that hinted at something more, and you found yourself holding your breath, waiting for him to elaborate. Seonghwa sighed, his expression troubled as he struggled to find the right words. ��

"I mean... I just don't like the way they look at you," he confessed, his voice strained with emotion. His admission caught you off guard, and you were at a loss for how to respond. "It drives me crazy." As he downed his drink in one swift motion, you could see the tension in his shoulders easing slightly.  

"Seonghwa, are you... jealous?" you asked tentatively, your heart pounding in your chest. His eyes widened at your question, and for a moment, he was speechless. 

"Jealous?" Seonghwa repeated, seemingly taken aback by your question. He looked at you, his eyes searching yours as if he was trying to find the answer himself. After a moment of silence, he let out a soft chuckle, his gaze dropping to his hands. "Maybe I am," he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. The intensity of his confession made your heart flutter, and a blush crept up your cheeks. You watched as he ran a hand through his hair, a sign of his nervousness that you had come to recognize. 

"I just... I care about you, you know?" He looked up at you, his eyes filled with an emotion that you hadn't seen before. It was a look of protectiveness, of possessiveness, but also of vulnerability. And in that moment, you realized that perhaps Seonghwa's feelings ran deeper than you had initially thought. Your moment was abruptly interrupted by someone calling his name from across the room. Your heart sank slightly, realizing that you wouldn't have the opportunity to delve deeper into the conversation. Seonghwa glanced at you apologetically, his expression filled with regret. 

"I'll be right back," he promised, his voice tinged with disappointment. You nodded in understanding, offering him a reassuring smile despite the lingering questions in your mind.  

"Take your time," you replied, watching as he made his way through the crowd, his figure disappearing into the throng of people. Left alone with your thoughts, you couldn't help but wonder about the true meaning behind Seonghwa's words. His confession had stirred up a whirlwind of emotions within you, and you longed for the chance to delve deeper into it. But for now, all you could do was wait, hoping for the opportunity to continue your conversation when the time was right.  

As the night wore on, you found yourself swept up in a whirlwind of conversations and celebrations, the opportunity to continue the conversation with Seonghwa slipping further and further away with each passing moment. Seonghwa seemed to be caught up in the festivities as well, pulled in different directions by the demands of the evening. Despite your best efforts to find a moment alone with him, the bustling atmosphere of the party made it difficult to carve out the time for a private conversation. Seonghwa was constantly surrounded by friends and colleagues, and you found yourself pulled in different directions as well, engaging in lively discussions and catching up with the rest of the team.  

The atmosphere in the company was quiet, with only the faint echoes of the recent party lingering in the air. As the party slowly wound down and the last of the guests trickled out of the door, you found yourself alone in the room, left to clean up the aftermath. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps approached, and you turned to find Seonghwa lingering in the doorway.  

"Can I help you clean up?" he asked, his voice gentle and earnest. You nodded, appreciating his offer of help and the chance to speak with him once again. 

"Of course, thank you, Seonghwa." You replied, welcoming his company. Together, you started to pick up the scattered cups and plates, the silence between you comfortable yet filled with anticipation. Seonghwa worked diligently, making quick work of the mess. You watched him out of the corner of your eye, admiring his focus. When he finished, he looked up and met your gaze, a small smile playing on his lips. 

"It's much easier with two people," he commented, breaking the silence. You agreed and thanked him again for his help. The room was now clean, but neither of you made a move to leave. Seonghwa finally broke the silence.  

"About what I said earlier," he began, hesitating slightly. You nodded, indicating that you were listening. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before he continued. "I meant what I said. I care about you... more than I probably should." His words echoed in the empty room; the atmosphere suddenly heavy. You looked at him, surprised by his confession but also relieved. His feelings mirrored your own, and you found yourself smiling at him. 

"I care about you too, Seonghwa," you replied, his face lit up at your words, and for the first time that evening, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. 

"Can I kiss you?" His words sent a thrill of anticipation coursing through you, and without hesitation, you reached out to gently cup his face in your hands. 

"Yes," you whispered, Seonghwa’s eyes twinkled with happiness at your answer. You could feel your heart pound against your chest in anticipation. Seonghwa’s touch was gentle yet commanding as he pulled you closer by your waist, drawing you into his embrace with a magnetic force that was impossible to resist. As his touch sent shivers cascading down your spine, your body reacted instinctively, responding to the electrifying sensation with an intensity that took your breath away. Every nerve seemed to ignite with a fiery spark as his fingertips grazed your skin, leaving a trail of tingling sensation. Seonghwa's lips were warm and soft against yours, each gentle brush sending sparks of electricity dancing across your skin. The moment his lips met yours, everything around melted away. All you could feel was him; his lips on yours, his heartbeat echoing your own. The kiss was soft, tender, filled with all the emotions that had been building up between you. With each press of Seonghwa’s lips against yours, you felt yourself melting into his touch, losing yourself in the intoxicating sensation of his embrace. Your heart pounded furiously in your chest, a steady rhythm echoing the urgency of the desire that coursed through you. With each caress, your senses were heightened, attuned to every nuance of his touch. It was as if a spark had been ignited within you, setting your entire being ablaze with a fierce longing that threatened to consume you whole.  

"Seonghwa, we shouldn't," you whispered breathlessly against his lips as you pulled away, a pang of hesitation gnawing at your heart.  

"Why not?" He murmured, his breath hitching as he stared at you with a look of surprise and confusion. His words resonated within you, forcing you to confront the fear that had been lingering at the back of your mind. You swallowed hard, your mind wrestling with the feelings that had been building up inside you. 

"You're an idol, Seonghwa, and I... I work for your PR team," you started, your voice barely a whisper. You watched as the confusion in his eyes shifted to understanding, his grip on your waist loosening slightly. "The rules... the... the consequences," you stuttered, your heart pounding as you tried to put your fears into words. "We could get caught... I could lose my job... and it could ruin your career." For a moment, Seonghwa was silent, absorbing your words. You could see the struggle in his eyes, the battle between his feelings and the harsh reality of the world you both lived in. But then, he pulled you closer, his eyes never leaving yours. 

"I understand," he said softly, his voice barely audible over the pounding in your chest. "But I can't help how I feel about you. We'll figure this out... together." You tried to say something, to voice the concerns still swirling in your mind, but Seonghwa shook his head and placed a finger on your lips.  

"Shhh... I've waited too long for this," he murmured, and before you could respond, he leaned in once again, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss that left no room for argument. His touch was electrifying, his lips hungry and insistent against yours, and you found yourself returning his fervor with equal intensity. There was no gentleness, no tender caresses. Instead, your kiss was raw and unbridled, fueled by a primal hunger that threatened to consume you both. With each brush of your lips, the barriers that had once held you back crumbled, giving way to an overwhelming surge of desire. In the heat of the moment, there was no room for hesitation or doubt. All that mattered was the fiery connection that blazed between you, igniting a flame that burned brighter with each passing second. And as you lost yourselves in the intoxicating rush of passion, you knew that there was no turning back. As the world around you melted away, you found the courage to voice the words that had been on the tip of your tongue.  

"Let's go to my place," you breathed out, your heart pounding in your chest as you waited for his response. Seonghwa looked at you, a slight surprise in his eyes. Then a slow smile spread across his face, transforming his features into a look of pure happiness.  

"I'd love to," he replied, his voice husky. You reached out, gently grasping Seonghwa's wrist and pulling him to follow you. His eyes widened slightly in surprise, but there was a glimmer of excitement mirrored in their depths. With a sense of urgency, you swiftly took your purse. Every movement was propelled by a heady mix of anticipation and desire, your heart pounding in rhythm with the rapid pace of your thoughts. As you made your way to the back door, Seonghwa paused for a moment, reaching for his jacket, glasses, and a mask before stepping outside. You were struck by his thoughtfulness and attention to detail. In that simple gesture, you saw a glimpse of the considerate and caring person he was beneath the surface. With a soft smile, you followed, grabbing your own jacket and slipping on a mask before joining Seonghwa outside. The cool night air greeted you as you stepped onto the pavement, wrapping you in its embrace. Feeling the warmth of Seonghwa's hand intertwining with yours sent a jolt of electricity. With your fingers intertwined, you set off together, following the familiar way that would lead you to your apartment. You couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude as you made your way through the quiet streets, it was a relief to know that your apartment was only a short distance away from the company. 

As soon as the door to your apartment closed behind you, Seonghwa pulled you hard into his chest, your bodies pressing on each other. His kisses became more urgent, his grip on you tighter as if he was afraid you would disappear. His lips found yours in a passionate kiss that left you breathless, his taste intoxicating, leaving you wanting more. In this moment, there was no room for remorse or second thoughts, only the overpowering need for each other. You were lost in him, in the overwhelming sensation of his touch, his taste, his scent. As the intensity of your shared passion escalated, Seonghwa moved to unbutton your shirt, his fingers trembling slightly with anticipation. 

"Wait," you murmured, pulling back just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes were dark and filled with desire, but he stopped at your words, his hands coming to rest on your waist as he waited for you to continue. "I... I just want to make sure we're both on the same page," you said softly, voice trembling slightly with the weight of the moment. "I care about you, Seonghwa, more than I can put into words. But I want it to mean something, for both of us." As you spoke, you searched his expression for any sign of hesitation or doubt, but all you found was a profound sense of understanding and respect. In that moment, you were sure that Seonghwa shared your desire for something deeper, something more meaningful than just physical intimacy. His lips curved into a tender smile, and he reached up to gently cup your cheek in his hand.  

"I understand," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "I want this to mean something too, Y/N. More than anything. I’m not leaving you." With those words, the last of your doubts melted away, leaving only a sense of trust and connection between you. His touch, careful and loving, trailed down your body, taking the time to appreciate every inch of you. Seonghwa’s fingers traced over your skin, leaving a trail of warmth and desire in their wake. He took his time, his hands exploring you as if he was memorizing every curve, every line of your body. Your hands found their way to his hair, tugging gently at the soft strands. He let out a soft groan, his hot breath fanning against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. His lips found yours again, stealing your breath away with the intensity of the kiss. His hands moved to the buttons of your shirt, unbuttoning it and tossing it aside. His gaze was full of admiration and desire as he looked at you, his eyes taking in your form.  

"You're beautiful, Y/N," he murmured against your lips, his voice low and filled with emotion. You blushed, a smile spreading across your lips at his words. Seonghwa leaned in, pressing kisses along your neck, collarbones, down to your chest. His hands finally moved to unclasp your bra, letting it fall to the floor. His touch was electrifying, each kiss sending waves of pleasure through your body. Seonghwa was patient, taking his time to make you feel loved, and cherished. He moved lower, his lips trailing down your stomach, making you gasp with anticipation. You arched into his touch, your fingers tangling in his hair, guiding him closer to where you needed him. "So impatient," Seonghwa commented as he moved back up, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer. Craving the feel of his skin against yours, your hands moved to his shirt, unbuttoning it and pushing it off his shoulders. You took a moment to admire him, your gaze trailing over his muscular chest, and the defined abs. Seonghwa was beautiful, every inch of him perfect. You reached out, your fingers tracing over his skin, feeling the warmth radiating from him. Seonghwa’s hands roamed your body, the touch igniting a fire within you. He moved lower once again, his lips trailing down your stomach, making you gasp with anticipation. His hands moved to your skirt, unzipping it and sliding it down your legs. Seonghwa’s lips found the skin on your thighs, his hands gently creasing them, each touch sending waves of desire coursing through you. His lips moved up your tight, his lips finding all your sensitive spots, making you arch your back and gasp out his name. You felt his breath dangerously close to your panties, which by now were soaked completely with your arousal.  

"Seonghwa," you moaned, your voice thick with longing as you arched your back, surrendering to the intoxicating sensations that washed over you. "Not here," you murmured, your voice trembling as looked down on him with a mixture of desire and urgency. "Bedroom... Let's go to the bedroom." Seonghwa, with a deep and magnetic gaze that held you captive, guided you gently towards the bedroom. He led you to the edge of the bed, his hands never leaving your body. Carefully, with an affectionate touch, he laid you down on the soft sheets. Seonghwa's gaze was intense but tender, as if he was committing every detail of you to memory. The look in his eyes held a fervor that was both thrilling and comforting. The last piece of your clothing was slowly discarded, your lace panties landing softly on the floor. His hands, now free to explore, traced a path of heat down your bare body, each touch igniting a spark of anticipation. He kissed you deeply, a promise of more to come, before his eyes met yours once more. Seonghwa's gaze was full of adoration and hunger, a testament to the intimate connection that was about to deepen. Slowly, Seonghwa began to undress himself, his movements unhurried and deliberate. As the last piece of his clothing dropped to the floor, he positioned himself atop you, his bare skin against yours sending tremors of desire coursing through your veins. His eyes continued to hold your gaze, their depths reflecting the shared anticipation of the intimate moment that was about to unfold. 

"Is this alright?" Seonghwa whispered against your lips. 

"Yes," you murmured, your voice barely more than a whisper, "Yes, Seonghwa... I'm yours." Your affirmation seemed to ignite something within him. A slow, intoxicating smile spread across his face, his dark eyes twinkling with a mixture of love, desire, and a hint of possessiveness that sent shivers down your spine. His gaze never wavered from yours, maintaining eye contact as he leaned down, his lips meeting yours in a searing, passionate kiss. One of his hands, tender and firm, cradled your face, his thumb gently brushing against your cheeks. With the other one he steadied himself between your legs, and you finally felt him entering you slowly and gently, his movements measured and full of care. The feeling was intoxicating, overwhelming in its intensity but filled with a tenderness that only Seonghwa could provide. As Seonghwa moved, you felt a surge of pleasure that left you gasping, your fingers trailing over his back, your nails gently digging into his skin. His name fell from your lips in a breathless whisper, the syllables intertwining with the soft moans and gasps that filled the room. Each thrust heightened the pleasure, building up tension that had you moaning his name louder. He responded to your every sound, his movements shifting and adapting to your responses. It was as if he was attuned to every part of you, each touch designed to elicit the maximum pleasure. 

"Seonghwa," you moaned, as he continued to move, his rhythm steady and deliberate. He looked down at you, his gaze filled with love and desire, his expression mirroring the pleasure coursing through you. "I’m close" you whimpered as the pleasure started to overwhelm you. 

"I know, baby," he responded, his voice low and soothing. His eyes never left yours, holding your gaze as the room around you both seemed to fade. Each of his movements were measured, calculated to draw the maximum response from you. He knew exactly what you needed, when you needed it, and he wasn't afraid to take his time in delivering it. Seonghwa was completely in tune with your body, knowing just how to touch you, how to move, to bring you to the edge. A gasp escaped your lips as his rhythm increased, the intensity building as he moved. His name was a whispered prayer on your lips, the only word you could manage as you clung to him. The world around you narrowed to the feeling of him, the sight of him, the sound of him, the scent of him. 

"Let go baby," he murmured against your ear, his voice a soothing balm, grounding you in the moment. With a few more deep movements, he guided you both to the peak of your shared pleasure. The feeling was indescribable, a release of tension that left you both panting and gasping for breath. And through it all, Seonghwa was there with you, his gaze never leaving yours, his love and desire for you clear in his eyes. As the waves of pleasure subsided, Seonghwa collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms. He held you close, his heart beating in time with yours as you both lay there in silence, the echoes of your shared climax still reverberating through your bodies. Seonghwa’s fingers traced idle patterns on your skin, a soothing gesture that eased the lingering tremors racking your body. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, the tenderness of the gesture making your heart flutter. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. His concern was palpable, his eyes searching yours for any sign of discomfort. You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips.  

"More than okay," you assured him, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair from his sweaty forehead. His answering smile was warm and genuine, a sight that never failed to make your heart skip a beat. 

"Good," he murmured, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. His breathing slowly became more regular, his body relaxing as he basked in the afterglow. You laid there, tangled in each other's arms, your heartbeats syncing in the quiet. There was no need for words now, the silence between you was comfortable and familiar. As you drifted off to sleep, his arms tightened around you.  

You were suddenly awakened by the sound of Seonghwa's voice, harsh and irritated, a stark contrast to the gentle tone you had grown accustomed to. His distressed voice pierced the calm tranquility of the early morning as he was on the phone, pacing around the room with furrowed brows, clearly in frustration. As you sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you noticed your phone blinking on the bedside table. Forty-three missed calls. A wave of chilly dread filled you as you unlocked your phone to see the flood of messages and notifications. The first one you clicked on made your heart drop. Pictures of you and Seonghwa, walking to your apartment, your hands intertwined, were plastered all over various media outlets. The headlines screamed about Seonghwa's secret relationship, a shocking revelation that seemed to have hit the fandom like a lightning bolt. The comments section was a whirlpool of emotions - shock, betrayal, and surprisingly, support. As you scrolled through the articles, you could barely register the words. This was your worst nightmare coming to life, the very reason you hesitated to start a relationship with Seonghwa in the first place. Seonghwa finished his call and turned to you, his face unnaturally pale.  

"It's all over the news," he said, his voice barely a whisper. The room felt suffocating as a heavy silence descended upon it, both of you too stunned to utter a word. The reality of the situation was sinking in, unfolding a terrifying scenario that you both had dreaded. Your mind was racing, scrambling to make sense of the situation. All your worst fears were coming to life - the fear of getting caught, of losing your job, and of potentially damaging Seonghwa's career. This was the adverse consequence of your secret relationship, the one you had feared and tried to prevent from the very beginning. Yet, amidst the turmoil, you couldn't help but feel a pang of regret. Your anger flared as you dialed your boss's number, your hands shaking as you held the phone to your ear. He picked up on the second ring, his voice tense, 

"You need to do your job and stop this information from spreading," he demanded, his tone cold and unyielding. You felt your heart clench at his words, a bitter laugh escaping your lips as you fired back,  

"How am I supposed to do that when I'm the one involved?" The line crackled with tension as you braced yourself for your boss's response, knowing that your conversation was about to take a heated turn. 

"You're involved!?" His voice was sharp, laced with disbelief and a hint of anger. "How could you let this happen, Y/N? Do you have any idea what kind of mess you've gotten yourself into?" His words hit you like a slap in the face, and you felt a surge of anger rising within you.  

"I didn't 'let' anything happen," you shot back, your own voice rising with frustration. "This isn't something I planned or wanted. And as for the mess, believe me, I'm well aware of it." There was a tense pause on the other end of the line, the silence filled with unspoken accusations and bitter recriminations. You could practically feel your boss's disappointment radiating through the phone, a heavy weight pressing down on you with each passing second. 

"We need to contain this," he said finally, his tone clipped and businesslike. "Handle the damage control on our end, write a press release. Stay out of the public eye, keep your head down, and for god's sake, don't make things worse." You clenched your jaw, struggling to keep your emotions in check as you listened to his instructions.  

"And what about Seonghwa?" you demanded, unable to suppress the edge of desperation in your voice. There was another pause, longer this time, as your boss considered his response.  

"Seonghwa knew what he was getting into when he chose this life," he said finally, his voice oddly cold and unsympathetic. "He's a public figure, and he needs to accept the consequences of his actions. Just like you do." The words hung between you, a bitter reminder of the harsh reality you were both facing. As you hung up the phone, a sense of resignation settled over you, knowing that no matter how much you wanted to protect Seonghwa, there were forces at play far beyond your control. Seonghwa, who had been a silent witness to your conversation, finally broke his silence. His sobs filled the room, each one stabbing you like a knife to the heart. You turned to him, your eyes filled with regret and sorrow.  

"I was supposed to be the one protecting you," you said, your voice choked with tears. You could see the pain in his eyes, reflecting your own as you confessed, "This was a mistake. I'm going to get fired, Seonghwa. There's no future for us." His face crumpled at your words, a look of utter devastation replacing his earlier confusion. 

"No, Y/N, please..." he pleaded, his voice cracking with emotion. "I can't lose you." he retorted, his voice filled with a mixture of anger and despair. His words hit you like a punch to the gut. As the silence settled in the room, you felt a lump forming in your throat. The harsh reality of the situation was too overwhelming to comprehend. The words that had been exchanged between you two still echoed in your ears, haunting you. The room, once filled with love and warmth, now felt cold and distant. The air was heavy with unspoken words and suppressed emotions. Seonghwa, his eyes red and swollen from crying, looked at you. His usual cheerful demeanor was now replaced with a look of sadness and despair. He seemed like a completely different person. Seeing him like this broke your heart even more, the reality of the situation dawning on you. 

"I... I need some time," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He got up from the bed, picked up his clothes from the floor and walked towards the bathroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You sat there, numb and silent, as you processed everything that had happened. You felt a sense of guilt wash over you, realizing that your actions had led to this mess. Picking up your phone, you answered the incoming call from one of the reporters.  

"This is a delicate matter, and we are currently fact-checking all the information," you replied, maintaining a professional tone. "We will be releasing an official press statement soon regarding the matter. Thank you for your understanding." 

For the next several minutes, you found yourself answering a seemingly endless stream of phone calls, bombarded with the same questions over and over again. "Who is this girl?" "Is it really Seonghwa?" "Is it official?" With each call, your heart ached a little more, the reality of the situation sinking in. You were the reason behind this mess, and with each question, the weight of your actions became increasingly clear. Seonghwa finally emerged from the bathroom, he was fully dressed, his hair neatly combed back, and his face, although still showing signs of distress, was more composed. He settled down next to you, the distance between you heavy with unspoken tension. You could feel his gaze burning into you, his eyes searching for answers in the depths of your own. But as he heard you denying what happened during countless phone calls, a flicker of hurt flashed across his features, overshadowing the mask of composure he had worn moments before. 

"Y/N," he began, his voice tinged with a mixture of frustration and disappointment. "Why are you doing this? We can't keep pretending like nothing happened." His words cut through the silence like a knife, leaving you speechless in their wake. You could feel the weight of his gaze bearing down on you, demanding honesty in the face of your denial. But as you met his eyes, you saw the pain reflected in their depths, and a pang of guilt surged through you. You had hurt him deeply with your words, and now, as you continued to deny the truth, you were only adding to his anguish. Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you turned away, unable to meet Seonghwa’s gaze any longer. In that moment, you felt more alone than ever, trapped in a web of lies and deceit from which there seemed to be no escape.  

Once the calls ended, with a heavy heart, you began to draft a press release denying the rumors. As you typed, your mind raced with thoughts of how to properly word your denial, how to ensure that it would put an end to the rampant speculation. Seonghwa, who had been observing silently, finally spoke up, his tone filled with discontent. "Why are you denying it?" he asked, his eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and frustration. 

"Seonghwa, we have to," you tried explaining,  

"No, we don't," he retorted, his voice steady and determined. "We don't have to lie. We don't have to hide." 

"Seonghwa, we can't just admit to this. The backlash... it could ruin your career," you argued, your voice tinged with desperation. 

"And what? We lie? We hide?" Seonghwa countered, his voice filled with frustration.  

"We need to think about the consequences. The fans, the company... it's not just us we have to consider." you countered, trying to maintain your composure. 

"I don't care about that," he said, his voice softening. "I care about you. I care about us. I don't want to lie about that." 

"But this isn't just about us. There are other people involved. Our actions have consequences." you responded, your voice breaking slightly. 

"I know that" he said, his tone resolute. "But isn't our relationship worth fighting for?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. As the weight of your situation bore down, you felt the sting of desperation clawing at your heart, driving you to speak words you knew would hurt Seonghwa deeply. 

"What relationship are you even talking about, Seonghwa? We hadn't even had a 'what-are-we' talk, and everything is ruined," you spat out, your voice laced with bitterness and regret. "We kissed less than 24 hours ago, and now we're all over the news." The words spilled out of you like poison, each one laced with the bitter taste of reality. You could see the pain flicker across Seonghwa's face, his eyes clouding with hurt and confusion. But you couldn't stop yourself, couldn't hold back the flood of emotions threatening to consume you. "We need to protect you," you continued, your voice trembling with emotion. "There's no 'us' in this, Seonghwa. It's just you, and your career, and the future you've worked so hard for. I won't let you throw it all away for me." Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you turned away, unable to bear the weight of Seonghwa's gaze any longer. In that moment, you knew that you had hurt him deeply, but you couldn't bring yourself to regret those words. For better or worse, they were the truth, the raw, unfiltered truth that lay at the heart of your impossible situation. 

"You don't get to decide that" Seonghwa replied, his voice steady despite the turmoil beneath his calm exterior. "You don't get to decide what I throw away or keep. It's my life, my career, my future. And you... you're a part of that, whether you like it or not." His words hung heavy in the air, an undeniable truth that weighed down on your heart. "We're in this together, and I'm not letting you walk away just because you're scared. So, let's face this together. Let's fight for 'us', for our future. Because, in my eyes, there's no 'me' without 'us'." You stared at him, your heart pounding. His words echoed in your mind, raw and powerful. The intensity in his gaze was almost too much to bear. Could you really fight for this? For him? Suddenly, the weight of your decision seemed more significant, more daunting. 

"I... I don't know, Seonghwa," you stuttered, your voice barely a whisper. "I don't know if I can do this. If I can put you at risk like that." 

But Seonghwa just shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "That's not for you to decide," he countered gently. "I'm ready to face whatever comes our way. And I want you by my side. So, will you fight with me?" 

[diagonal-queen]

The ADA as your roommates

♡ characters: Atsushi Nakajima, Dazai Osamu, Kunikida Doppo, Yosano Akiko, Jun'ichiro Tanizaki, Naomi Tanizaki, Ranpo Edogawa, Yukichi Fukuzawa

♡ synopsis: How good are the ADA at being roommates?

♡ cw: This is a post born out of medication-induced sleeplessness and months of pent up unfiltered fury directed at my shitty, shitty housemates. Some of that resentment may shine through in the headcanons. Also naughty words, NSFW themes with Dazai

note: hey y'all. i know it's not a request but it's the best i've got right now. law school and depression are kicking my ass. y'know that meme with the tiny man, and then the two buff dudes start beating the shit out of him? that's law school and depression with me. as always apologies for errors and i hope you enjoy x

Atsushi:

Help he's so sweet and awkward all the time?? Always gives you a little wave or a smile and nod when you pass each other in the halls

He buys candies and chocolates and things and leave them in a bowl on the table for people to take if they want :')

When his roommates feels sad he takes the time to hang out with them and help them through whatever problem they're having

In the morning when he comes into the kitchen to make breakfast he's all yawny and has a scruffy bedhead and it's SO cute

He doesn't do it consciously, but on occasion Atsushi will fall asleep on the couch, and even more occasionally he'll transform into Byakko in his sleep. You get used to it after a while, but you can't really invite friends over unless you know Atsushi is in his room or out of the house T-T

But he really is so sweet. If you bring someone over they develop a crush on him immediately, but of course he's oblivious. After they leave he turns to you and is like 'aw your friend is nice' (they were hardcore flirting with him)

If he ever has an issue with you or the house, he gets very nervous when bringing it up because he doesn't wanna cause any conflict (you could be smashing the plates on the ground every day and he'd be like 'hey so i'm super duper sorry to bother you like i really hate to nag but-')

My mans. Is doing. His BEST

Dazai:

Screw you.

Holy shit this guy is an absolute nightmare to live with. he'll drive you crazy within the week just because of how *little* he does around the house

He doesn't clean his dishes. He doesn't buy stuff for the house. He doesn't do a DAMN thing.

Preferably, if you're gonna be living with him, you'll also wanna bring Kunikida. He has his own issues but at least then there's a balance between a chore-driven man and the embodiment of sloth, the deadly sin

He will stumble through the front door at 3am with unkempt clothes and the stink of alcohol on him. and he won't bother trying to be subtle or quiet either. Just crashes around until he pukes on the floor and falls asleep on the couch

At least he flushes (more than I can say for my housemates /gen)

He drinks in the house, and leaves bottles everywhere. The entire place is damn near bordering a safety hazard because of all the glass

Tries to cook but absolutely can't do it- he sets fires, ruins the kitchen, etc etc. It wouldn't be unreasonable for you to assume that all takeout packaging and pizza boxes you find strewn around the house belongs to him

He's fully up for a secret hookup if you're into that, though. Just give his door a knock after 11pm and you're in

Kunikida:

This guy is both a saint and a total pain in the arse

On one hand, he does his chores and he does them literally perfectly. Is there even a perfect way to wash the dishes? There is now. Kunikida is here

On the other hand you can kiss your hopes of getting out of your own chores goodbye. This man makes a schedule. a chore chart. a system. he pulls out the whole nine yards

Thanks a lot DAZAI

Anyway, he has his merits. Kunikida brings it upon himself to bring up the slack (even if he doesn't want to) because he can't stand living in a messy space, so your home is always spick and span

He organises weekly or monthly meetings to discuss home affairs (he's a real Louis Moriarty, he will also make you omelettes)

Kunikida is also kind of a walking talking alarm clock- he wakes you up in the morning if you're not up by a certain time, and also gives you a lights out time at night when he deems it bedtime

He pretends that this is just a part of routine and etiquette and whatever- in reality, he just really cares about your health and wants you to get enough sleep and keep a consistent routine

He also encourages you to go out if you're an introvert because "staying inside all the time is bad for you". Damnit Kunikida

Yosano:

Oh she's so great to live with

Every time you run into her you two always end up bitching to each other about something. She's the ultimate bitch buddy

If you get sick she takes on the role of home doctor, quarantines you in your room, and tends to you until you're well again. Or, if she doesn't like you, she just chops you up and gets it over with lmao

Yosano drinks a lot though. You eventually get used to falling asleep to the sounds of crashing, whirring chainsaws and maniacal laughter from the next room over

She takes AGES in the bathroom, so you really ought to keep a bucket on hand or something just in case. Like this woman will be in there for hours on end (RIP your water bill)

She also always takes up the phone line because she's a lil social butterfly (RIP your phone bill) but she'll also take your phone calls for you if you don't like talking on the phone so there's that

Yosano is really sweet but she always leaves her stuff laying around. Like there'll just be patient portfolios and medical tools in the living room?? Girl

Some nights she comes home with a bigass pizza in her hand and a bottle of wine in the other, and you know you're in for a GOOD time

If you ever need some spare cash she'll give it to you but if you take too long to pay her back she WILL chop you up so beware

Tanizaki:

He's a perfectly adequate roommate.

In all honesty there's barely anything to say about Tanizaki. He does his chores, respects his roommates, helps them if they need help, etc etc. He's just a real stand up guy!

Though I HC that Tanizaki gets sick pretty easily, so he can sometimes be seen wandering the house with a pale face wrapped in a blanket making sad boy noises

He gives you lifts as long as you're able to provide gas money (or McDonalds, either works as payment)

He doesn't usually accept invitations to go out drinking, but he's more than happy to grab a coffee with you if time permits it. He's just a responsible guy 😌 (if you don't have time he'll also bring you a coffee because he's just that nice)

Tanizaki always has backup stuff in case you guys run out of anything. This man basically has a bunker's worth of extra supplies for literally no reason, but hey free stuff!

He likes to make dinner for you sometimes, and you guys eat together and chat (it's something he grew used to while living with Naomi)

He's always happy to lend you his stuff if you ever run out of things (because of Naomi he even keeps backup menstrual stuff on hand, so you vagina owners are all safe)

You guys definitely do face masks and manicures together too

Naomi:

Naomi might, literally, be the roommate ever

She does her chores, she keeps quiet at night, she lets you know if she's bringing people over. Her only flaw is that she's always talking about her brother. Naomi please

She's also very vocal whenever her brother's in the house. What are they doing ffs

She bakes cupcakes and cookies and stuff each week for her roommates

She also brings around her friends sometimes for movie nights, and if you come into the living room she invites you to watch movies with her and her friends

Naomi honestly invites you to everything. Parties, gatherings, hanging out with friends- she's a true extrovert and will adopt you if you're an introvert, you have no choice sry :/

She also decorates the place really well- in all honesty she really did miss her calling as an interior designer because miss girl makes your home look CLASS

Naomi is the roommate you go to when you're preparing for a date and you need help with your outfit or nerves. She's like the ultimate wingwoman fr

She also buys incense and air freshener so your house smells nice as FUCK

Ranpo:

He's almost as bad as Dazai, aside from the fact that he can respect rules, and so (although begrudgingly and with a lot of whining) he actually does his chores

If you all live together he steals all of the candy Atsushi left out for everyone :(

Basically lives in his pyjamas. He gets home from work and immediately gets changed into his jammies

He also hogs the TV and won't let you watch Netflix until his own shows are finished :( and he also judges you for your taste in TV regardless of what it is

Ranpo never cooks for himself or you, but he LOVES when you cook for him. It makes him feel so special

You guys also get takeout all the time. You make a tradition of it and get different stuff on different days. It becomes a part of the autism routine and now you're stuck wasting your money (haha)

You also have to take him places and accompany him everywhere because he knows fuck all about taking the train. You basically live life around Ranpo's (annoying spontaneous) schedule

He uses too much soap in the shower and gets bubbles all over the bathroom, but at least he smells nice?

He does all the house paperwork, so silver lining and all

Fukuzawa:

He's lowkey kind of scary 😔

Like, he's a really respectful roommate who does his chores and pays mind to his living companions, but he also just like barely comes out of his room or talks to anyone.

Plus, detective daddy kinda has a massive case of RBF which really isn't helping

That being said, he will make tea for you if you feel blue, and he'll sit in your room and silently listen to you complain about your issues for hours. The PATIENCE of this man

He randomly does really sweet stuff for you without saying a word about it. Replaces broken stuff, makes you pancakes in the morning etc.

Fukuzawa tends to work late hours so he's often awake late in the night. He enjoys when you keep him company on your sleepless nights, and will give you a blanket if you end up falling asleep in his bed or on the couch

He's also super neat and never touches your stuff without asking <3

He knocks on your bedroom door and the bathroom door every single time, just in case, and he never enters unless you give him the heads up

His own door is never locked in case you need him too. Or in case there's a break-in. Good luck to that person fr

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen, @call-me-albie, @sayyestoheaven00

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hear ye, hear ye! I come with a spicy request most worthy of a several year sentence in Horny jail! XD

Bottom villain x top hero, where the two are in an enemies with benefits kinda situationship, and this time seems like it’s gonna be no different (rough and kinda mean). But then, gasp, it’s revealed the villain was recently injured, and the hero gets pretty concerned. The villain insists on things continuing as normal, but the hero, not wanting to hurt their nemesis, changes things up, and does em sweet, slow, and gentle <3

“Ready?” All it took was this one word to activate the villain’s entire nervous system.

Usually, the hero didn’t lose many words over this. It was quick and rough. For the most part, that made it desirable. Sleeping with the enemy was thrilling and more or less like an adrenaline kick for the villain. It was a luxury they could afford. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t have to either.

The hero was proficient and smart. They had figured out what the villain liked and what they didn’t like in the first few hookups they had spent together. If it hadn’t been for their stupid righteousness and their sense of justice that would never be just, they would’ve probably made a great partner. In bed at least.

Admittedly, the villain had thought about that a few times. Would the hero be a good lover? Someone who was willing to save everyone if they could? Someone who would put others before themselves constantly? Someone who may choose a city over a person?

After all, probably not. And even if they were, who would want the villain? Someone rotten, someone broken, someone—

“You’re distracted.”

“Oh, yes. Yeah, sorry.” The hero’s hand ran along the villain’s inner thigh and even though the stitches should have been good enough, the villain was nervous.

How on earth was anyone supposed to stitch the back of their thigh anyway?

They grabbed the hero’s muscly shoulders and tried to steady themselves.

“Alright.” The hero’s hand travelled down the villain’s thigh until they reached their knee. From there, they grabbed the hollow of the villain’s knee. “I have a meeting in an hour, so I’ll need to be quick today.”

“Yes, of course,” the villain said. They watched as the hero handled their leg and put it on their own shoulder. Cold air hit their shin but they knew in a few seconds, they wouldn’t even need the blanket anymore. The villain swallowed and prayed the hero wouldn’t notice the stitches.

Although they pressed a soft kiss to the villain’s thigh, they barely broke eye contact. Immediately, the villain felt the blood rush to their head.

Sometimes they really needed the hero.

After a few more kisses, the hero leaned forward until the villain’s thigh was pressed between their naked chests. They were close again, close enough to kiss but the villain knew their nemesis never really did that. Kissing their body? Sure. Kissing the villain? On good days, maybe.

The villain found the position familiar and yet, their wound made it nearly impossible to enjoy it.

Eventually they pulled the hero closer, waiting for them to push themselves into them.

However. The thread snapped and the villain could feel how the wound ripped open again.

They let out an involuntary sigh and held onto the villain’s back. Accidentally, they left scratch marks on their enemy’s skin.

“Wait, I haven’t even…”

“No, it’s fine, sorry. Continue. Please,” the villain choked out between clenched teeth.

“Oh…wait, holy shit.” The hero looked down and all the villain had to see was smeared blood on the hero’s hand. “Was that me!?”

“Nononono, I’m so sorry. That was yesterday.”

“I’m gonna get a towel.”

“No.” The villain grabbed them before they could go. “I look forward to this day every week. Let’s just finish this quickly, the bleeding isn’t even that bad.”

“Listen, I know you’re strong but…” The hero put their hand on the cut to stop the bleeding. It wasn’t too bad but the pain was still excruciating. “…having sex while bleeding is counterproductive.”

“We’re already naked and you don’t have much time left.”

“I can cancel my meeting.”

“Please, let’s just—”

“As stubborn as ever, I suppose.” The hero made an expression close to a warm smile and at first, the villain didn’t quite understand. However, when the hero pushed the blanket against the wound and themselves into the villain at the same time, the villain couldn’t help but moan happily.

The hero’s fingers were gentler and their movements slower than usual. As if the villain was something very delicate.

“This is stupid,” the hero whispered. “Tell me if anything’s wrong.”

But the villain could barely listen. Despite the pulsating wound in their leg, they could only concentrate on the sweet pleasure the hero was giving them. It felt better than expected.

And then the hero leaned over, pressure still on the wound, to kiss them.

The villain had never felt this desired in their entire life. Their heart was pounding in their chest when they felt the hero’s tongue in their mouth.

They didn’t demand anything, they didn’t take anything. It was simple and raw pleasure that the hero gave them. As if they’d been waiting for this.

“You’re so stupid, do you know that?” the hero whispered against the villain’s skin when they had to catch new air.

“Oh, I—” The villain couldn’t even form a sentence. Their enemy was hitting good spots constantly. Instinctively, they reached for the hero’s neck to pull them closer.

“Promise me to tell me next time, got it?” the hero asked. They planted a trail of kisses down the villain’s throat and sucked on their skin softly.

“If you treat me like this again,” the villain answered between moans. They couldn’t think anymore. It felt better than it should have.

It felt good enough to fall in love.

The villain wanted to hate them for it. For their gentleness and their sweet voice but all the villain had on their mind was their nemesis on top of them.

“Every night, if you want to,” the hero promised. They smiled against the villain’s skin.

“I love you,” the villain mumbled. They hadn’t realised it. They wouldn’t even remember it.

But the hero would remember. And it was all they could think about for the next few months.

[jangofettjamz]

Unlovable Child

Jenna Ortega x Autistic!Male!Reader

Warnings: Child abuse

2nd Person POV

"I'm going out of town for a week to see my parents" you tell Jenna. The two of you were snuggled up together on the couch, binge watching The Mandalorian on Disney+.

"Oh, do you want some company?" Jenna offered to which you shook your head no. Your parents wasn't exactly the gold standard when it comes to parenting, in fact they'd probably win an award as being one of the worst.

You've never discussed your parents with Jenna because of this, not wanting her to be involved with them due to their toxic nature. You feared that exposing them to her would only cause more trouble than its worth.

"You sure you don't want me to come with? I can--"

"No no you really don't have to" you said, cutting her off a little too quickly to go unnoticed. She gave you a look of suspicion, knowing there was likely some underlying tension between your parents and you.

You tried to put her at ease "I-I mean... they haven't seen me for a while... I wouldn't want to overwhelm them by introducing you to them... y'know given your fame and all. No offence"

Your stuttering and lack of a believable reason wasn't enough to ease Jenna's growing concern for you, but she smiled anyway, which in turn made you smile. You knew she wasn't convinced.

She pulled you in closer, making sure you were nestled into her chest. She had a feeling deep down that you were keeping something from; something terrible. Anxiousness flooded her nervous system, making her rethink about letting you go.

Her heartbeat quickened because of this, something you caught by having your head on her chest. "Jenna? Are you okay?" You asked.

She looked at you and smiled to put you at ease "Everything's fine, sweet boy. Everything's okay." She reassured, kissing your forehead to ease your worries.

But it wasn't her you were worried about, it was meeting your parents for the first time in years. The last time you spoke to your parents was 2 years prior, just before you moved out for your new job, just before you met Jenna for the first time. It didn't exactly end on the greatest of terms.

You parents were vile; abelists who took pleasure in calling you the most horrid of insults for their own sick pleasure. It made them feel better about themselves, like they were superior. They were never proud of you, even though your academics should make them so. They could never be proud of someone like you, someone who was autistic.

Of course, with many dysfunctional households come with their fair share of physical abuse, which in your case was fairly common place. The slightest of mistakes ended in severe punishment, that being knocking a drink over, talking to loudly .etc.

You were deemed a failure in the eyes of your parents despite everything you've accomplished in school, your well paying job; it meant nothing. You were never good enough for them. You were simply too much of a "spaz" to love. You were nothing to them, only when money was an issue were you of any use.

You held Jenna a little tighter just think about this. Painful memories from your past flashed through your mind, reminding you of the awful people they were.

But you maybe they had changed, maybe they realised the error of their ways, you naively thought to yourself, only setting yourself up for a meeting that would inevitably send you crashing down.

But you had to believe. "They have changed. Of course they changed, they only said and did all that stuff to make me into the man I am today. They love me. Don't they?"

- 1 day later

Jenna was on the phone with her director discussing filming dates. She was currently working multiple films at once and needed to negotiate dates so that it wouldn't impede on her schedule.

You always admired how she could do so many films at once, though, you wished she would take a break sometimes as it can tire her out.

Jenna's phone call was immediately interrupted by the sound of the door opening revealing your figure. "Mark I'm gonna have to call you back" she hangs up the phone, confused as to why you were back 6 days earlier than anticipated.

You were wearing sunglasses, unusual considering the weather outside was quite gloomy. Perhaps you just felt like wearing them, she thought to herself.

"Hi, baby boy." She kisses your cheek, but noticed that it looked awfully red and... swollen? "You're back early. Did everything go okay down there?" Jenna asked to which you nodded with a smile, albeit a dishonest smile.

"Yeah everything went great, just gad to cut the trip short because they were busy and stuff. My parents are busy people after all" you say in a somewhat cheery tone. The swollen part of your face was pulsing, as though the nerve endings in your face had been set alight.

Jenna continued to examine your face, still finding it strange that you haven't taken off your shades yet. "Wait, he wasn't even wearing shades when he left. Why was he wearing them now?" She thought, trying to ascertain the situation.

She noticed your hands were shaking; odd considering you were always calm around her most of the time and it wasn't cold indoors because of the heating. One of your arms was holding your stomach too.

All this information, combined with the fact that your back 6 days ahead of schedule is enough to tell Jenna that something was very very wrong.

"Hey babe can you take off those glasses for me? I wanna see those pretty eyes of yours." She asked sweetly, forceful was not the right approach. You looked at her, trying to strum up a lame excuse not to oblige.

"No!" He exclaims, catching Jenna off guard. You quickly try to come up with a better excuse. "I mean i-it's really bright in here Jenna, my eyes are kinda tired from driving, y'know" you play off terribly, adding a smile to try and convince otherwise.

Jenna isn't buying it, you know this. She's too smart. "Y/N your face is bright red, and swollen" His smile quickly drops. "Your hands are shaking too, and I can see a cut behind your hair. You and I both know it isn't cold in here and that cut is recent too." She exhales sadly, turning her attention too your stomach "You're holding you're stomach babe, like you're in pain. What happened over there?"

You panic, you knew she wasn't an idiot but you can't bare to let her find out about your parents, about your past. It was too embarrassing, she'd surely leave you for not being man enough to fight back. That what your father had conditioned you to believe, that you weren't a real man because of your condition, that you were sub-human.

"I-I d-dont--" "let me see your eyes, my love" bowing your head in defeat, you allowed Jenna to remove your shades, the sight horrified her, sending shivers down to the deepest depths of her soul. She gasped, her hands covering her mouth as you she saw the damage.

A massive purple bruise covered your right eye, the eye itself was completely red. The area around the eye was completely swollen too. The left eye was also bruised, not as bad but still bruised nonetheless.

Anger bubbled within Jenna, the prospect of someone hurting her baby was sickening to her, she knoew this had to be your parent's doing. "They did this to you, didn't they"

"W-what no! They would never do this to me. My family love me, Jenna. They do" you tried convince her, you tried to convince yourself mostly. Tears pricked at your eyes, stinging even more due to the beating you took.

"Honey... why would they do this to you? What happened?" She asked gently with a tinge of sadness in her tone. You couldn't keep up with the lie any longer.

You took a deep breath. You wanted to tell her what happened, tell her about the desperation you felt when your father's belt connected with your back. How your mother held you down as he did it, beating and beating and beating you for being the spaz who disappointed his parents just by looking at him. She held your hands "It's okay. It's just me. Just Jenna"

A single tear fell down your cheek causing Jenna to wipe it away. "They wanted money..." you started, taking a deep breath before continuing "They wanted money that were apparently "owed" for not getting rid of me. I said no, and I'm sure you can imagine how they reacted to that. They beat me, Jenna. They both did. I couldn't stop them, I tried as hard as I could but they kept..." you sniffled, holding back what would have been a giant sob.

"They kept pummelling me with the belt, punching me in the stomach. Mom held me down and I couldn't anything. They said I was unlovable... I'm unlovable, Jenna!" He broke down completely, falling onto his knees. Your emotions that you'd been holding since you left your parents had escaped, the dull pain now fresh again.

Jenna lifted the back of your shirt to find the purple lashes that layed there, where your father had taken out his anger with the belt. She immediately held you, her own eyes tearing up at your broken state. You clung to her like a lifeline.

"Shhhh, its okay baby. You're safe now. You're safe with me again." He whales in anguish and pain, his sobs became louder as each one left his mouth.

"Jen it hurts" you said like a scared child, exactly what you were at your parent's house.

Upon hearing this Jenna decided it was best for you to lay down on your side to avoid laying on your lashed back. "Come on, honey let's lay you on the couch. Lay on your side for me, my sweet." You did as instructed.

She lifted up your top to see the bruises on your stomach, purple and still fresh. She was going to annihilate your parents, but that comes later. "I'm gonna go get an ice pack, then we're taking you to the hospital"

"No! No! Please no doctors!" You pleaded

She knelt down and stroked your hair to out you at ease as best she could "Shh shh shh, don't think about that now okay. Let me go get an ice pack for your stomach. I'll be right back." She left quickly for the ice, returning as quickly as she left.

She lifted up your shirt and let you get ready for the ice. "On three. One. Two. Three." She presses the ice to your abdomen, the cooling sensation soothed the pain little by little bringing you great relief. "Good boy baby, you being so brave for me" she cooed, kissing the top of his head.

She held the ice pack as you writhed in pain on the couch. Her free hand alternates between rubbing your arm and combing through your hair. She placed little kisses on your swollen cheek, not hurting at all when she did.

The recollection of events that played in your mind caused you to cry again. Jenna brought your head into her neck as she held you close, her skin absorbing most of the tears. "Oh baby, please don't cry. You're not unlovable. You're my very beautiful boy who I love so very very much. They don't deserve you."

You held onto her tight, thinking how lucky you were to have such a wonderful woman in your life. Your parents would've definitely said you didn't deserve her, and maybe you didn't. But that didn't detract from how much you loved her, and appreciated her.

"I love you, Y/N. I love you with every fibre of my being" hearing this made you smile out of pure gratitude and love.

"I love you too, Jenna" you say, voice still wobbly from crying. You pulled your head from the crook of her neck and the two of you just smile at each other, you took in the beauty of her face while Jenna gazed upon your battered one. She pulls you in for a gentle kiss, a long kiss that you desperately needed.

"Bubs we do need to get your tummy looked at. We'll call my mom to have a look at you, but we may need to go to the hospital if it's bad. We can do all that tomorrow though, just rest in my arms for now. Can you do that for me?" You nodded your head "I won't let them get away with this Y/N. Mark my words they're finished."

You'd never seen Jenna this angry, but it brought a strange sense of reassurance, like everything was going to be okay. "Can we watch a movie? I wanna take my mind off of this"

"Of course we can, bubs. What do you wanna watch? Empire strikes back?" She asked, knowing how much you loved that movie. You nodded making her smile and kiss you again.

She layed down next to you, inviting you to curl up next to her and lay your head on her chest. "You're not unlovable, flower. You're a very loveable and amazing person." You smile at her words, Jenna loved you very much and today was evidence of that.

She cradles your body in her arms, still feeling you tremble from everything that has happened. It would be a long road to you heal from this but she'd be with you the whole way there.

She gently rocks you while you watch the film, the sight of Darth Vader igniting your child-like love that Jenna adored.

"Hey bubs, promise you'll never think yourself as unlovable. Promise me that my love."

"I promise." You say, even though you still didn't fully believe it. Your parents words still hurt.

"Good boy. My special beautiful boy"

[sunoorintarou]

Catharsis: Something only we know.

Phos!Reader x (Platonic) Getou Suguru

Warnings: Mentions of mental health, brief implications of child abuse, reader blames herself for everything, self loathing, mentions of health and eating disorders, Getou is still Getou, very angsty to somewhat comfort, Getou sees himself in reader

Notes: Hoo boy, this was alot. I love Getou tho so in this au, he will still be himself, but anyways pls prepare yourself for angst!!

"Getou - San?" You asked, finally finding the courage to voice your concerns. It was a hot day at the beach, as usual. Mahito was terrorising Jogo and Hanami while Getou rested with you in the shade.

"Yes, Y/n - chan?" Getou looked up from the book he was reading. It was unusual for you to suddenly speak to him, so he decided to give you his full attention when he did.

"Can- can I tell you, about my cursed technique? Is it OK, just, for insurance sake?" You stutter. You had been wanting to speak to Getou about your Cursed Technique since you met him but hadn't gotten the guts to till now.

"Of course, Y/n - chan, what is it?" Getou had been anticipating this conversation. He had been equally curious about your cursed technique, wanting to see the limits and advantages it held. But he didn't want to scare you off. You were the most closed off member of his 'family', and he knew you'd need time to tell him these things.

"Basically, my cursed technique... I can turn curses into various precious gems and alloys by touching them and absorbing them..." You started, knowing full well this wasn't what you wanted to say most.

Getou hummed, this was the basic information about it you had told him, but you were hesitating, clearly having something weighing on your mind. So he stayed patient, nodding along gently.

"The thing is... when I absorb curses... I feel sick, in here." You pointed to your chest, hands trembling ever so slightly.

"It's like, they become a part of me. Not in the soul way, but in the way where I can feel all the misery and pain, all those disgusting emotions that they held in me, I really feel it, in my bones and it makes me feel so so sick. I just-" You brought your knees to your chest, gently leaning your forehead against them.

For the longest time, you felt as if you were drowning. You had been physically sick for the longest time after the incident with your legs. You had nose bleeds so often the scent of blood seemed to linger around you. You could barely hold down your food, skipping meals or rushing to the bathroom, to expel the contents of your stomach.

It only got worse after what happened to your arms and Yukio. Although it seemed like your body had accepted the alloy immediately. It hadn't. You started vomiting blood, feeling such excruciating pain when the alloy started to spread into your bones, through your veins, forming it's own nervous and muscular system. There were days you couldn't even leave your bed, head spinning to the point you couldn't tell reality from dreams.

Those were the days you had simply locked your door, knowing the others would be worried and accept your mourning. Yet, it was so much deeper than that because a part of you felt as if you deserved this for what had happened to Yukio.

You were scared. What if he wrote you off or laughed at you? For being so weak? You couldn't even take absorbing a couple curses? What if they were right, everyone else, your past friends, your parents, what if you really were just pathetic and weak-

You froze when you felt Getou's hand on your head, looking up at him with eyes glazed over in gold.

If there was one person you understood your feelings better than anyone else, it was Getou. The feeling of swallowing curses was so disgusting to him. He despised it more than anything. Even worse when absorbing them into your being. He knew how you felt first hand. The only difference was that he could get rid of that feeling by releasing them and you... could not. They were truly a part of you.

"Ah, right, right, I need to, to say something else. My body- has a built-in network of gems and gold. I don't know how to explain it but it's like a, a nervous system. It covers my bones and everything, then it crystallises to stop bleeding- that's why-" you decided showing him was better than trying to explain.

You grabbed your finger in one hand, taking in a deep breath when you snapped it off. Getou's eyes widened, watching how the previously exposed muscle and bone was covered with gold in a split second to stop the bleeding.

You then chipped away the thing layer of gold before placing your hand back against your hand. Immediately, liquid gold repaired the crack. You moved your finger, tilting your head to look at Getou.

"Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't it have any negative effects?" Getou asked, looking at it in surprise.

"I- if, if it's a lot of my body and I can't get it back- like, my consciousness, I think, I don't know, but it lives in the crystal. So whenever I lose parts of my body, I lose parts of myself, I- I start to forget things, names, people, places, I- it does hurt. Alot." Your voice went soft, a tear running down your cheek before you could stop it.

"Then don't use it. You're powerful enough without using that part of your Cursed Technique, and if it's hurting you, then stop. Even if you're fighting and feel like that's the only way to win, ask for help. One of us will always be with you. Because if you do use it, even if you win, it won't make up for what you lose."

As you looked at Getou, although his voice was gentle, you could tell he wasn't actually there with you. He seemed to be reliving something in that mind of his. Eyes out of focus as he gently patted your hair.

Getou was saying to you, things he wished someone could have said to him all those years ago. Not those exact words, heck, maybe not even anything close to that. But all he wished for at that time was for someone to hear him and tell him it would be OK. It wouldn't fix anything. The path Getou was to walk on was fixed, predestined from the second he was born into this cruel world. But perhaps, it could have delayed the inevitable or helped him enough to not blame himself.

"Getou - san..." Tears built up in your eyes, gold trailing down your cheeks, and that seemed to bring Getou back.

"There, there, it's OK. We'll just be careful, Phosphophyllite only has a hardness of 3.5 after all." He teased, gently patting your hair. He couldn't change the past, but he could choose his future, and that's all that mattered.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Dancing 'Til the Break of Dawn - Pt 13

<Pt12

(TWST Zombie apocalypse AU where Yuu beast tames just a little too close to the sun)

His heart pounded in his throat. He struggled to swallow around it.

Slowly, Trey lifted his hands in surrender, giving a nervous smile.

Yuu took a long, deep breath. He realized, abruptly, that he had actually stopped breathing for a second there. Thought that that was probably a bad thing. He took another breath, just to get more oxygen in his system, so the black dots dancing in his vision would stop annoying him.

And then he smiled back, dragging the knife away. “Whoops! Sorry! Didn’t mean to do that!”

“You – you didn’t mean to threaten him?” Riddle asked, incredulously.

Yuu lifted his hands in a shrug. “Everyone has moments where they strongly consider murdering someone. It’s just easier when you have a knife on hand. You know how it is.”

“I don’t, actually,” said Riddle.

“That’s the problem,” Yuu said, cheerfully.

“The prob –?! You’re unstable,” Riddle said.

“I mean, I disagree, but who isn’t these days anyway?” Yuu shrugged.

Riddle’s face flushed. “I’m not.”

“You’re living in a simulation of what the world once was. It’s an illusion. And illusions can be shattered. What happens then? That’s literally a textbook example of instability. You like textbooks, right? You should know this!”

Riddle’s grip tightened on his knife.

“Yuu…” Cater said, slowly, a quiet warning.

It was nice that he was trying to help, Yuu supposed. It was unfortunate that the person Cater was trying to advise was him, though.

“You’re not better than us,” Yuu continued to say, smiling. “In fact, you're currently worse than us in pretty much every way. We can all survive on our own, for months, but you? You’d die immediately. How does it feel, knowing all those years of learning what’s ‘polite’ and alllll that pain was worthless, in the end?”

Riddle lunged for him, knife pointed outwards.

So died Riddle’s mental stability, according to his own standards.

Yuu had plenty of time to appreciate the irony, because he had been entirely prepared for this outcome, and dodged the incoming attack with ease.

“You're too easy to provoke,” Yuu commented. “Not a great trait to have during the apocalypse. Things that can be settled peacefully should be. It’s best to play it safe wherever possible.”

The butterfly knife slashed through the air.

“As for your actual fighting prowess. You telegraph your moves too much,” Yuu said, watching the blade flash by his face with a muted kind of boredom. He looped around Riddle, kicking him in the back, watching him stumble. “Don’t even get me started on your form.”

Riddle’s lips pulled back in a snarl.

He whirled around.

Only to find Ace standing over him, a knife pointed directly between his eyes. The momentary surprise was more than enough for Deuce to kick the weapon out of his hand.

The knife skipped across the floor, hitting the wall with a dull thud.

Yuu crouched down, briefly, to pick up the weapon, flipping it closed. He stuffed it into his pocket for safekeeping.

(Free knife! Ace was going to love him.)

“And, of course, your situational awareness could use work,” he finished, crossing his arms over his chest. “Basically, you’re not suited for this world. If I’m able to beat you in a fight, then anyone can. Trey is the only reason you’re still here today. I’d say you should thank him, but it’s partially his fault you’re like this, soooooo...”

Riddle scowled. "So, let's say I'm bad at fighting."

"I just did," Yuu said.

"My talents lie elsewhere. Is that really such a big problem?"

“You would have done great in the corporate world,” Ace said. Then, he shrugged, grinning. “This isn’t that.”

This will probably never be that again.

(Not that Yuu and Ace would say that aloud. Not in front of Deuce, at least.)

Deuce sighed. “What my friends are trying to get at, I think, is that rules are nice -.”

Ace snickered. "I have never in my life tried to convey that rules are 'nice'."

“... and it’s good to have a moral code. But adaptability is important.”

“But – but I –!”

“No one wants to be in the apocalypse,” Deuce said. “But we’re here, now. All you can do is try your best to come out the other side in one piece.”

It was silent as Trey and Riddle took in the new perspective. Considering Yuu had risked a stabbing to explain his point of view, he really hoped that he'd gotten it through their skulls. If that hadn't done it then, frankly, Riddle and Trey could die as victims of their own stupidity. Yuu had done enough to fill his 'good person quota' for the month. He was officially done.

Yuu clapped his hands together. “Anyways!” He said, brightly, as if the argument had never happened. “Do you guys know where the nearest subway entrance is?”

“You’re – you’re just going to say all of that and then leave?” Riddle said, incredulously.

“Yep!” said Ace, popping the ‘P’.

“Aren’t you scared I won’t listen to your advice?” Trey asked.

“Not our problem,” Ace shrugged.

“Besides, Cater’s staying, so even if you do relapse, at least Rosehearts-senpai will have company.”

Cater blinked. “How do you know that?”

“Cater. You had a whole broadcasting station. It's pretty obvious you were dying for some friends,” Deuce said, rolling his eyes.

“And our friend group is already full, so don’t even think about coming with us,” Ace added.

Cater raised an eyebrow. “In the nicest way possible, you three are the most stressful people I’ve ever met. Pass. At least Trey here can bake.”

“At least one of those stressful events was your fault. You shot Yuu,” Ace reminded him.

“Get over it. That was, like, last week.”

“Yeah, honestly, Ace, it’s not like you haven’t tried to kill me, too,” said Yuu. Mostly just for the sake of annoying Ace – it was unlikely that he would ever see Cater again after this, so there were no downsides to pretending he was above holding a grudge.

Trey frowned. “Am I the only person that hasn’t tried to kill you here?”

“Ehhhhhh, Cater wasn’t really aiming at me, so I don't know if he really counts. But, either way, no, Deuce hasn’t tried to murder me. He did try and keep me captive for a while, like you did, but…” Yuu snapped his fingers, turning to look at Riddle. “Oh! Before I forget! Rosehearts-senpai! Cooking oil makes a great accelerant for fire.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Trey asked.

“I be in situations.”

~

“Grim!” Yuu cheered the moment his eyes landed on the zombie, which had been pacing just outside of the apartment complex. He hugged his child to his chest, beaming. “Look at you,” he cooed, scratching him behind the ears. “You’re just as cute as the day I last saw you!”

“It’s been, like, a few hours,” Deuce said.

Yuu sniffed. “Ignore him, baby, he’s just jealous he doesn’t have a super cool zombie cat of his own.”

Ace pulled on his jacket, the tension in his shoulders melting away as he hugged himself. Or maybe he was hugging the knives taped to the inside of the jacket. It didn’t make that much of a difference either way.

“You’re both sick,” Deuce complained.

“You’re our friend! Sick by proxy!” Yuu said, pointing and laughing at the idiot who had allowed himself to be contaminated.

Deuce rolled his eyes, hefting his bat over his shoulder. “I’ve recently learned that you forgive murder attempts. Care to test it out?”

Yuu squeaked. “What, you want to kill me? Then you’d be giving the title of 'least dangerous' to Trey of all people, and I don’t think you want that.”

Grim growled.

Yuu smoothed his bristling fur. “Shhhhh, don’t, you’ll get your teeth dirty if you kill him.”

“Prick,” Deuce complained.

Something occurred to Yuu. He looked at Grim. “Hey, Trey gave us directions and a few recipes, so you can’t kill them.”

Grim sulked in his arms.

Yuu shook his head, something fond tugging at the corners of his lips. He pressed another kiss to the top of the zombie’s head. “It’s just three people. If you’re that desperate for food, you should downsize your army.”

“Yuu, are you a communist?” Ace teased.

“No, I just believe that if you can’t afford to give everyone a livable wage you shouldn’t be in business.”

“... that feels like communism,” said Ace.

Yuu considered this. “Maybe? What is communism?”

It was then that the three teens realized: they had no clue.

“Uhhhhh… bad?” said Deuce.

“It’s that thing Americans hate,” offered Ace.

“I love communism,” Yuu decided.

And, since his plan was to retrace his steps in hopes of finding the convenience store again, and he would therefore be going past his old high school, he might just get the chance to look up his newfound political ideology.

“Everyone ready?” Deuce asked.

Yuu hummed, glancing back towards the apartment complex. No one was in the window.

No one would see, then.

Yuu retrieved Cater’s gun from the bush.

He exchanged smirks with Deuce and Ace.

And then they took off running, laughing evilly to themselves.

~~~~~

Pt14>

[trannyradfem]

I seriously can't fucking believe the people on this website sometimes I swear to fucking GOD ugh.

I was visiting my grandpa in hospice!! grieving... Sometimes, a block is just a block. and not about you.

Like, please! For your own sake, even. Don't take them that personally. There is no shortage of people who disagree with me on this site, and I'm open to discussion, but I don't have the resources to fully entertain discource with every single person I interact with. Especially as this blog surprisingly grows more popular than any blog I've ever had. I did NOT see that coming. It's absolutely nothing personal.

If you're fighty about it, or I see other comments by you-- after I've interacted-- that indicate you're going to be hateful or cruel back at me, then yeah, I probably will block you. And honestly I feel more validated in my block after being shown said person saying "no debate is a TRA tactic" and "TRA trolls infiltrating radblr" when describing what I did. It's dehumanizing, acting like we can't possibly be genuine. So no, I don't want to interact with you. I do not genuinely have the energy for that.

Do the same-- curate your internet experience more, seriously, it has such a positive impact on your online experiences, and in no way waters down your radfem beliefs. sometimes posts and threads are just not worth ur time. And there is genuinely research out there on how the things you view and scroll on social media drastically influence the way you think and feel in very subtle ways that can compound over time. Seeing shit you vehemently disagree with that upsets you to that extent on repeat would have a negative impact on anyone's psyche.

Activism should be much more than just Tumblr anyways, yes?

Anyways. For anyone who's followed me, some venty updates under the cut. Sorry I haven't been around or checking notifications. I keep telling myself that I'm going to check every single one of them because I truly do appreciate the interactions and love talking with y'all, but lately I've been stretched thin and on heavy pain meds most of the time. And it's been months, even years for some of you, and the list just keeps growing longer.

I don't know when I'll get better, and it's scary. I've been sick and getting sicker for a long time now, and a lot of it is indeed from the childhood abuse and what they did to my body. But there's things happening that those factors doesn't explain, and given what I know about how the nervous system works, it might not be a great diagnosis. I love y'all and hope y'all forgive me for not being active on here. If I somehow recover I will be more responsive, promise.

I've become wheelchair bound, I'm out of work on medical leave, and every single day I feel like I'm fucking dying from my back spasms. My docs don't know what's wrong with me and I'm fucking terrified for my life after this election. My friend's parent tried to strangle her and we're trying to move her into our place to get her out of there. I have the equivalent of a full semester of revamped medical coding content to learn before I return to work. I'm not ready to lose Papa.

I have. So fucking much on my plate. I am. so tired. vhhbvghn. and I'm running out of money and my debt is catching up to me. I feel so fucking stupid now for buying a vacation plan back when I was healthier because holy shit I can't even leave the house now. The monthly payments are suffocating being out of work.

I worked so hard to build my credit score I'm so scared to lose everything I've worked so hard for. I want to be a doctor so badly, I'm already a licensed professional!! But you can't get hired as a doctor if your credit score is fucked!!! You can't get housing if your credit score is fucked... If I ever had to go back to homeless sex work I think I'd just kill myself. I don't want that, I'm not a suicidal teen anymore, like. FUCK. I want to do something meaningful with my life, I want to make this world a better place.

Today, after picking my brain on my career and the ideas I have to fix the medical industrial complex, a doctor told me I have more experience (wrt how the medical system works from several different angles) than most DOCTORS have and I was stunned. Like I squealed out a "thank you..!" and just clammed up.

That meant so fucking much to me. I feel like I have so much potential and being disabled and sick is just so fucking frustrating. Like holy fuck I'm on the right track, there are doctors that barely know me who are impressed with the very little I've been able to accomplish. Like, I gotta keep pushing forward, surviving wasn't all for naught. It's a bit of hope for me.

My nerve ablation is coming up soon, I can't wait. It's been 7 long years of that compression fracture bullshit. I'm so ready to be able to stand and exercise again.

[an-ruraiocht]

today is very much a Morning After The Trauma Response Before day and also it's practically 1pm because oh boy i did not make it out of bed this morning but. i am trying to be kind to myself about it. yes i fucked up but being cruel to myself will only make that worse. we are doing compassion. we are doing gentle self-parenting. we are finding safety and trying to re-establish personal boundaries even in solo situations. maybe i will do some work to give my brain something more productive to chew on but not ☝️ as a way to punish myself or because i don't deserve softness. that is Not The Point

my whole nervous system got lit up like a christmas tree last night and though the pain flare is receding i know that dealing with this is crucial because otherwise Everything Will Hurt. people without neurological pain bullshit probably don't totally realise how linked mental state and physical pain can be but it turns out triggering my own trauma responses DOES create a big spike of physical pain to go with it so i gotta convince my body it's safe in order for it to stop trying to kill me

my instinctual thoughts are very 'this is stupid, it was no big deal, it was nothing you hadn't done before' but that is not the point. i pushed myself when i was already feeling vulnerable and fragile and what would have been a mediocre ten minutes normally turned into a fucking terrible three hours. the context mattered. anyway i had Errands to do today but i don't think i'm going to put this hypervigilant upset nervous system of mine through the hell of big tesco unless i start feeling a hell of a lot better so. let's work on the principle of no errands getting done today

[d1d11818]

I’ll be honest I fell off my bed while trying to read your responses. Not anyone’s fault but my own obv but it was really funny and I felt the need to share. Ow :[

This is also going to sound weird but I really like the way you think about things, 1818. I was going to have a whole like, paragraph about some inane stuff on like altruism and anthropology but it’s not interesting so. Anyway, I think you’re already doing really well on the ‘being a good person’ front, from the very limited amount of time I’ve known you (Does this count as knowing? I don’t mean to overstep.)

I cannot say I wasn’t a tiny bit worried but I was also mostly confident you knew what the game sort of entailed. :,]

I really really like horror as a genre as well! I’ve been watching a lot of ‘horror’ movies, though I don’t think I’ve actually really been scared by any thusfar. Which is bumming me out because I WANT to be scared. I’m not sure if you’re much of a movie person though, so I won’t suggest anything, but if you’ve got a favorite I would totally love to add it to my list!

- 🐠 (I’m fine with any, really, but my favorites are they / them and a set of neos but I’m always nervous to tell people that.)

- Oh come now, I'm not so funny you have to fall over.

- Ha!

- In all seriousness, do be more careful.

- Human bodies are remarkably weak.

- I'd hate to see you struggling with pain.

- As much as I can see, anyway.

- I'm pleasantly surprised you think that way.

- You're right, it is weird to find my way of thinking likeable.

- It is not a common opinion.

- Most people consider it a betrayal to my beginnings as a human.

- Even if I was like this back then, too.

- They always seem to ignore that fact.

- I think the notion of 'you need empathy to be likeable' is absurd.

- It refuses to take into consideration those who struggle with it, while denying that claim in response.

- But anyway.

- We're all a little weird here, aren't we?

- There's no shame in that, but rather pride.

- I'm speaking in a powerful and reassuring way to hide my overwhelming reaction to a compliment.

- I... do not get much praise.

- As for the inane paragraph, you have personally captured my interest.

- Although I doubt my colleague will be as patient about it.

- Moving on.

- I'll stop rambling, so D1d1 gets a chance to talk.

- Never fear about overstepping, my friend.

- I'm just grateful for the company.

- Distancing myself can get a bit...

- ... lonely.

-----------------------------------------------

- My turn, edgelord!

- And in response to the plant post, 1818, I'm not a moron!! I'm just intellectually challenged.

- I love horror movies!! But I definitely relate to your struggle. The concept of fear is kind of null with me. I don't know why. I've tried challenging it but nothing works! My system just constantly reminds me that they're fake, and I can't find myself frightened by that.

- The closest I've ever come to fear is more discomfort, and that came curtesy of Junji Ito. Is that the right curtesy? Courtesy? It feels incorrect either way. Anyway, the discomfort came less from thinking the situations could be achieved, but more where the ideas came from. The thoughts of such realities sprouting in a mind I can't even comprehend is uncomfortable to me, and I don't know why!

- That balloon one especially... I got awful uncanny valley with that one.

- My favourite horror film though, is probably Trick r Treat! I think it's fun!

- Also feel free to share your neos if and when you're comfortable! We support those here! :D

- Look! I made a tiny face! :D :D :D

[kenobster]

📝🗣️

please i just love u talking abt ur fics

From this ask game.

Ahhhh thanks so much, anon!!! I'm super flattered. :D

I'm still sloooowly working my way through the asks I have in my inbox, but this one luckily had great timing so I'm doing this one before the others. (Though maybe this isn't what you wanted, anon... in which case, my deepest condolences. XD)

🗣️ Talk about your favorite WIP

We are using this question as an excuse to talk about the Vader Mpreg AU, which is, in fact, my favorite AU, but also is convenient for another post I was gonna make today, haha.

For context, there are a few things you should know about me:

I did not watch The Rise of Skywalker until literally three or four weeks ago.

I have never written an mpreg in my life. (It's true that lizard brain craves noncon in a way that compels me to read the occasional mpreg... But while writing my own fic, I do try to keep lizard brain's demands as realistic and in character as humanly possible.)

Perhaps the most important thing to note: lizard brain always wins.

Anyway... this all started when I happened upon the RoS spoiler: "Rey is Palpatine's granddaughter" in the year of 2022. Having not watched the movie, I immediately wondered who the fuck the grandmother is (a question to which my actual RL mother ceaselessly chants "Mommy Mothmama" every time; do not ask me why.) Of course, lizard brain, being lizard brain, immediately headcanoned a dubiously consenting Darth Vader somehow being this elusive grandmother person. (The "somehow" was not important to lizard brain.)

For a year or so, I actually put off watching RoS — in small part because lizard brain didn't want its headcanons to be refuted. Fortunately for lizard brain, I have amazingly supportive friends who informed me that Rey is actually the daughter of a strand (aka a special Force clone) which was cast into the world only to hook up with some unknown female. Unfortunately for my friends, lizard brain realized that this information didn't refute its grandma!Vader headcanons at all. Quite the opposite in fact. 🙄

Thus, began the saga of lizard brain's precious Vader Mpreg AU.

In summary, Palpatine creates a synthetic uterus to host an ordinary clone of himself. Then, he implants the uterus into Vader's abdomen and fucks the shit out of him to get some perverse dark-sided Force magic going. Why, you ask? :) Well, dear anon, in order to transform this regular clone baby into a strand of course, lizard brain replies. :) :) :) To be clear, there is no creation of a vagina nor any other method to give birth. Instead, this strand baby, once ripe for the picking, is simply plucked from Vader's abdomen via c-section, and a newly prepped uterus is inserted in its place. After that, Palpatine repeats this process and all of its trial-and-error glory every nine months for the rest of Vader's life. (But don't worry; Vader will eventually flee to Obi-Wan, who is horrified to find his once-Padawan eight months pregnant.)

Honestly, excepting dubcon/noncon, this actually isn't that weird for me. Lizard brain already possesses a plethora of headcanons in which Palpatine modifies Vader's body. The uterus implanting kinda just feels like an extension of that. (For an example of these headcanons, urinary and intrarectal catheters have been installed into Vader's body, not out of medical necessity, but because it would be inconvenient for Vader to have to pee and poop while dressed in the suit. For another, maybe Palpatine put in a full-blown mechno spine replacement to eliminate bothersome nervous-system functions such as the registration of pain.)

In fact, while this body-modifying headcanoning won't enable live births or lactating breasts (for now.... please don't tempt my lizard brain), it will go beyond the uterus. :) For example... prepping Vader for sex sounds like an incredibly tiresome task, and it's not like anyone else can do it. Vader doesn't have any limbs, after all. Instead, Palpatine wonders, why not have Vader's anus be self-lubricating in way similar to that of a vagina? Why not scifi-gene-splice the shit out of that butt canal? Why the fuck not?

📝Share a snippet of an unposted WIP, with or without context.

I feel like the above AU description is pretty clinical, so I thought it would be fun to bring some emotion back to it via the use of a snippet. So, enjoy the wildly inappropriate noncon of a pregnant male villain:

At some point, he realizes the truth—that it isn't him being fucked into the mattress, face down, ass hooked on his Master's cock. Sidious isn't fucking Darth Vader or even his body. Sidious isn't even fucking Anakin Skywalker. In actuality, Sidious is fucking the uterus. The womb. The fetus. The uncast strand, the unborn infant. In actuality, Sidious is fucking himself. The truth of it has him choking on the respirator, on a dry and tearless sob, because this isn't about him, none of this was ever about him, it's about what Sidious wants, what Sidious likes, what Sidious craves. Vader is only the conduit of this ritual—far less than a pet or even a slave. Once, yes, he may have been an object of Sidious's obsession, and maybe he liked that, maybe he liked the way that Sidious took pride in what was once his greatest creation, in twisting Anakin Skywalker into this charred and rotten beast of a Sith. Because, even loveless, Sidious's pride burns value into Vader's flesh. Makes Vader feel as if he matters, as if he's worth something, as if he can live up to the magnitude of the pressure smothering him from the inside out. Punishment, after all, and pain and strife and sorrow, are their own kind of affection, ideal for the swollen carcass of need festering within his chest, and often better than the shame that blooms with praise.  Right now, as his sphincter clenches around the cock inside him, as the base of his spine shoots overwhelming pleasure upward, as a fetus kicks at its shrinking walls pressed against the mattress, Vader finds that he is being neglected. The absence of Sidious's intimacy leaves his furnace-heart chilly and black and hollow, and he chokes and sobs and chokes and sobs, and the monotonous blue-blue-blue of this bedroom becomes half-blurred and dizzy as a torrent of tears spills from his right eye's still-functioning tear duct. The thrusting crests, and tapers out. Sidious's breathing evens, but Vader's choked sobs just won't die.

I would say I'm sorry, but I am who I am lmao.

[babyspacebatclone]

I have an AITA question here.

Last week, I had to cover the kitchen three times last week at the daycare I work at, once scheduled, twice due to the staff getting sick.

This tends to be murder on my body at the best of times (bending my 5’10” body over for dishes, standing, etc.) and my right knee started acting up the week before anyway.

I have the best knees in my family, by the way, but writing this up on Sunday night I’d put a 9 out of the 10 pain scale for trying to go down “proposal kneeling” on that knee now. That’s an estimate, I got myself braced to try then my nervous system vetoed the attempt.

I was also exhausted from that week, because I still had to do as much of my closing shift as possible so someone else had to do breakfast, the only person available is - not competent, there’s a reason they have them do the “serve cold cereal” and me the hot lunch - and playing catch up on what they leave behind is, well, one can imagine.

Anyway, that’s to explain the following texts.

At the point of serving lunch on Friday, I fully believed we would be going to a family outing and hour drive away for my brother’s birthday.

My family knows I’m an introvert, and surviving my brother’s extroversion is physical painful if I’m not 100%.

I sent the following text to my mother after work and feeling approximately 80%…

I'm glad I'm feeling better now, though.

There was a point in the middle of lunch dishes where I was considering calling in sick tomorrow.

For [Bro’s] dinner. 😜

I received this response from my mother:

No, you will be there, because he would be there for your birthday.

Fortunately, the venue had been changed to a restaurant 20 minutes away, which my knee handled being trapped in a car significantly better.

In the end, the birthday lunch went very well.

But I found that response… Harsh.

And not considering my own feelings at all.

So, AITA here?

[renee-writer]

The Heart Don't Lie Chapter 18

AO3

He stands right outside her door his hand beating in time to his heart on his thigh. Was he nervous just for Rose’s  health or because Claire is here. He knows the answer to that.

 

Jenny walks up and stands beside him. “Any news?” He shakes his head.

 

“Not yet.”

 

“She will be fine. Claire is very good.” He tries to smile at her.

 

“Physically. But with what Anna did…” Jenny utters what can only be called a growl. He feels her.

 

“Aye well Rose is strong. She has a wonderful support system.”

 

Willa breathlessly comes up to them.  “Willa, you didn’t  have to run back. Dr. Randall is still in with her.” That’s when she remembered what she went out for.

 

“Crap, I forgot the… it doesn’t matter. This is more important.”

 

“Take a breath child.” Her Auntie Jenny says.

 

“I don’t know whether to tell her. I have to tell you Auntie Jenny.” They are both staring at her. She stops to take a breath, “ “I saw Janet outside the drug store.”

 

“Is she alright?”

 

“No Auntie, not really. She believed him. Professor Randall. They were kissing. He says they, him and Dr. Randall are in an open relationship. That is what Janet believes. I don’t think so though. She begged me not to tell you, auntie but I had too.”

 

She is focused on her aunt and doesn’t see the look on her dad’s face. Had she, she would have been quite concerned.

 

“Thank you for not agreeing to that.” Jenny’s hands are fisted to her side, her eyes reflect her rage.

 

It is nothing to what her brother is feeling. This becomes clear when he hits the wall opposite his child ‘s room. Everyone jumps, he utters a curse as the pain of his broken bones hits him, and Claire runs out, wide eyed.

 

“What in the hell!”

 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t …”

 

He holds his swelling hand with the other. She hurries over to him as Jenny and Willa stands still, shocked by Jamie’s reaction.

 

“What did you…” Then she sees the hole, “I see. You have broken it. It is already bruising.” She turns to the others, “Willa, run and get an ice bag for your dad’s hand.”

 

“Aye, Dr. Randall.” She hurries away.

 

“Now what is going on?”

 

“Are you in an open marriage?” Jenny blurts out.

 

Claire ‘s mouth drops open and stays that way.

 

“Jenny!”

 

“It seems best to get to the heart of the matter.” She defends herself.

 

“No.” she recovers enough to say, “Why?”

 

“Willa saw your husband and my daughter snogging. He claims you have an open relationship.”

 

“That son of a… No, we absolutely do not!”

 

“Claire I’m…”

 

“He was, with Janet or…”

 

“No Janet. I will deal with her and him!” She understands why her brother hit the wall

 

“Both of us,” She replies, “you for Janet. Me for his cheating arse.”

 

Willa runs back up. “Good they told you. I didn’t know what to do. It was such a horrible thing to see.”

 

“I’m sorry you had too.” She takes the ice bag and places it on his hand.

 

He whispers, “Me too.” She knows he isn’t responding to his daughter but to their conversation about that lying bastard.

 

“No,” She whispers back, “Rose has a slight infection developing on her surgical site. I have started her in antibiotics. She will be fine.”

 

Jamie lets out a sigh. With everything, he had forgotten, for an instance, his child.

 

“Thank you,” a grimace as the ice hits a particular sensitive spot on his hand, “I’m sorry about Randall.”

 

“Me too, “ she shakes her head, “I need to get going. Have a husband to deal with. Jamie, you need that hand x-rayed and set.”

 

“You should go with her dad. For your hand and because he might turn violent. You never know.”

 

“Ah, if you wish “

 

“I should drive you in, anyway. You can’t use that hand.”

 

*Aye.”

 

“I will stay with Rose and Beth. Auntie Jenny will want to see Janet.”

 

“That I will.”

 

Willa snickers as her dad and Claire head out. Jenny sees. ‘You were speaking the truth?”

 

Willa answers, “ I was. I wouldn’t make that up.”

 

“Just happy to see Jamie with Claire?”

 

She shrugs, “I am happy to see him happy. He wasn’t with mam. It was all pretend. With her, it isn’t .”

 

Jenny nods. “You’re right.”

[pandorafallz]

Vampire AU | Calming a raging river

Keeping track of someone’s transformation was something Mansk was unfortunately all too familiar with but… he had been the first one on Pandora and screwed up enough to know he had to be here for Augustine for the…easiest transition and adaptation to this new form of existence. That and he had the others to help him because his gut told him this was not going to be easy.

As a human, she was a pain in the ass and some (or most) would call her a bitch. He had been stuck hearing everything about everyone for the last ten years so he knew her well enough to be concerned how she was going to be once she woke up as a brand new species and with a truckload of trauma. He could already imagine she was going to hold a grudge against Shen for at least a solid decade or two…which he wasn’t going to get in between because…fuck, what happened to Augustine was rough and Shen was in the wrong for not taking herself into the privacy of bunks.

But, he has his duty here to care and make sure no one blew the secret. Including Augustine.

Her pallor had only gotten whiter as the first hour had passed. Her auburn hair was starting to look a little more like ginger against her skin now which he hadn’t quite expected as he waited. Her scent shifted too from her human one that smelt distinct with nicotine and alcohol that had still appealed despite the contaminants to something…clean and more natural and no tempting undertones.

The cracks of her bones from impact injuries had healed up which hadn’t been a quiet affair though he could hear the soft pausing in her breath to know she was now awake. The downside of the transformation, it knocked out certain aspects of the nervous system as it changed after the first hour. She was conscious, but mostly semi-paralysed for now until the heart stopped. It didn’t stop the soft sounds of her pain from escaping her every so often.

Mansk sighed heavily, debating on what to say. He had to say something, right? It had helped the others. But…also her senses would soon be in overdrive as well as the thirst she’d be feeling as well. Daniel had tried talking with Molly during her turning but she found it annoying in the first hour and bit him to get him to shut up and to put on some music instead. He had no idea if Augustine was aware of them or lost in her own mind.

“That’s the third sigh in the last five minutes,” Walker didn’t look up from her book, sitting onto of his locker. “You’re worried.”

“You’re not?” Mansk questioned, giving her a look.

“I am, that’s why I’m here but it’s coming up at twelve am and she’s almost fully converted now and we all know she’s going to freak out,” Walker spoke calmly, shutting her book

“She can probably hear us now.” Mansk pointed out. “Should we like…talk to her? Tell her what the fuck is happening? She’s probably really confused as to why she was attacked and… well like this now.”

Walker’s ruby gaze dropped down to the woman on the bed. “Someone, get the blood packs. She’ll believe what she is when the thirst drives her to feed. The first few hours after awakening are shit anyway.”

Distantly, they could already hear the others moving in towards his bunk, aside from Shen who opted to remain in her bunk until morning given how much trouble she had put them in. Augustine would certainly go for her if she came and no one needed that risk.

Daniel and Molly waited outside the bunk with Jocelyn though all three had data pads of information from their personal research. Kamath didn’t give much of a shit to wait and just came straight in and lent against the door though moved once Solis arrived with the blood packs but he didn’t stay longer than that now they had what they needed from him though Mansk nodded this thanks in passing. The doc had to help get another set of false tox-report for the labs prepped in advance which was a bimonthly test but her next one was apparently soon. Mansk was just glad he didn’t have to deal with the tech side of all of this; just followed along with what his science crew suggested to avoid getting found out.

Augustine twitched a rasped hiss built in her throat before it turned into a pitiful whine of pain, her hands grasping his sheets.

Walker dropped down from the locker to sit at the edge of the bed, her hands coming to grasp Augustine’s and pulling her hands free from tearing the fabric. “Grace, try to start taking heavy breaths. The next few minutes are going to hurt.”

By which as they listened closer, they could hear the thumping rhythm of Augustine’s heart change from the fast, consistent beat to something more sluggish and inconsistent, missing a beat here and there and by no mistake, it wasn’t less painful as Augustine let out another groan as her body stiffened up, her body arching a fraction into the bed. Walker tightened her grip on the woman’s arm.

“Breath. The pain won’t last.” Walker whispered, trying to sound assuring.

One beat. Another. Missed beat, one-second pause. One beat. For an entire minute, the pace continued before the papulations got longer, Augustin’s facial expression remained morphed into a mask of pain before… the heart beat stopped entirely.

-

Grace hurt, the pain felt like it had seized through her entire body and it was centred into her heart like someone had shoved their hand in her chest without mercy and squeezed. Yet… the pain and the heat that filled her chest seemed to filter out into relief and bliss as her heart lost its fight…

Becoming silent.

Her entire body loosened up in relief, but there was little to rejoice as a new dry ach in her throat seemed to surface next.

“Grace?”

The voice made her flinch as if someone had pressed an air horn next to her ear and let loose with it. Her hands went to go to her ears but there was immediate resistance to the motion—then she realised someone was holding her wrists. Her eyes flickered open but for that split second, it was like she was looking into a freaking lamp bulb turned on. She shut her eyes again.

“Take your time, your senses have tiled from a two to an eleven.” The voice was again like thunder against her ear drums.

Her nose wrinkled in displeasure. “Let…go.” She whispered but even that was loud. Fuck. She sucked in a heavy breath, though she became aware that… there were at least four other people in here with her… she could make out the distinct male scent around her…or at least the closest thing which she assumed was from her pillow. Why was everything so strong?

“I thought she’d be more violent.”

Grace tried again, opening her eyes through small slits but the lights were still sharp as she flickered her gaze down to see… a SecOps woman with light brown skin with dark, straightened hair pulled back into a bun at the base of her neck was holding tightly onto her wrists with a surprising grip but what stood out was the ruby gaze.

Although Grace was taken aback by the colour of her eyes, it was the clarity of…her vision was more off-putting and disorientating. She hadn’t seen this clear before and in all honestly, she had been needing reading glasses more often when staring at her monitors for so long…

Her eyes caught more movement, turning her head sharply to see Mansk, one of Quaritch’s lackeys sitting on a chair, oddly close by and looking concerned which was not an expression she thought any of his grunts would have.

Grace though recognised Dr Kamath at the door; worked in SecOps but had a hand in SciOps as well given her multi-degrees in Terran & Xeno-entomology, carcinology and Biochemical Engineering. Grace had been impressed by her when she heard of her record and had been very disappointed she hadn’t been able to secure the woman strictly into SciOps. She had tried to see if they get an avatar for her but the woman didn’t pass the genetic tests for a stable avatar.

Like the two SecOps, her eyes were just as red as the other two and… they looked very intense at her which was very confusing. What the fuck was their problem here?

“Let. Go.” Grace winced at her own voice but she glowered at the woman. Walker, by the name on her shirt.

“Dr Augustine,” Kamath raised her eyebrow, “Do you know or remember what happened to you?”

Grace blinked, though she stared at the doctor for a long moment. Her mind had been so much more focused on her body and the pain… she hadn’t let her mind wander.

She hurried back down the corridor in a huff. Distant sounds. A dull ache from catching her arm on the wall pipes. Annoyed still about that and the damn vending machine not giving her her cigarettes. She had walked into something she wasn’t supposed to.

Grace couldn’t help but stiffen up, her eyes widening a fraction.

Shen look up with a hiss that went straight up her spine before she realised the woman’s lips were tainted red— she didn’t get more than five running steps before she felt an icy-cold grip on her shoulder then the sense of gravity changed as she was yanked—

“That bitch!” Grace's surprise was quickly overwhelmed with seething rage. The grip on her arms tightened but Grace put her strength into it this time, digging her heel into the bed for leverage and pushing herself up off the bed.

Walker met her but Grace twisted her wrists free and shoved her hard into her chest. To her surprise, Walker flew straight into the locker and dented it a little.

“Grace, Grace!” Mansk jumped to his feet, stepping in her way.“You’re fine! She’s not here!”

“Aaaand here’s the violence.” A voice muttered, muffled if a little behind a wall but Grace barely paid it much heed despite the familiarity of it.

“I’m not fine!” She hissed, though she recoiled as she felt her teeth shift, her tongue catching on something sharp in her mouth. Her rage simmered, and side-tracked immediately as her fingers came straight to the oddness. Her fingers touched along her teeth though at her canines and the smaller tooth beside it, was sharp and elongated. Wrong. “Mirror. Now!”

Walker whistled to Mansk though he sighed heavily and to her surprise, he moved too quickly for human standards to the bedside and pulled out a small compact mirror out of the top draw. That speed… her mind mulled on it for a moment. Not… normal.  What was he? What there they?

“A compact mirror, Devin?” Kamath questioned.

“For when I put my contact lenses in so I don’t mess up and expose us, you prick.” Mansk gave the doctor a look as he held it out.

Grace eyes him for a moment but took the mirror and opened it up although she recoiled at the flash of red of her reflection but didn’t drop it as she met the red gaze reflecting back at her. The face….looked like her but it didn’t. Her face was too pale which was a heavy contrast to her auburn hair that hung down from its natural end-wave but the red of her eyes was…real. She knew contact lenses in films never looked real; they lacked depth and broke some of the fourth wall so she couldn’t watch a lot of films with them in without getting frustrated at it.

With her clarity of vision, she could see the red and how it had settled into her irises’ familiar patterns to know this was not some fucking contact lenses they had stuck in and were messing with her. Her eyes should be brown. A nice deep brown but this red, while dark not suddenly obvious, it was clear to see the new colour in the reflections of light.

Her teeth. That was next. Instead of the slight and natural elongation of her canines that she typically had, her mouth now housed four long fuckers instead along her top jaw. Her main canines were longer and sharper and the ones behind it were also sharper but not nearly so long. Dual fangs.

What the actual fuck!

“So, you’re a vampire now…but I guess you’ve figured that out now.” Kamath pointed out.

“No.” Grace shook her head. “No… no.”

“Look, Augustine.” Walker held her hands up, prodding the mirror down out of her line of sight before Mansk just took it off her and tossed it back into his bedside without care. “We’re vampires as well. Red eyes, sharp teeth. Surely you’ve noticed the sensation in the back of your throat like you’ve gargled hot sauce for ten minutes.”

Grace let out a notice of frustration as the sensation rose at the reminder, her hand coming to her throat. How was the sensation worse? Her other hand clenched tightly.

“Look, that’s the mild version. We can feed you but… if you don’t, then tabasco sauce turns into a fucking ghost pepper sensation and then you’re slaughtering the entire base of humans.” Walker said bluntly as she reached down towards a zip cooler bag.

“She’s right, it’ll only get worse and you’ll do to others what Shen did to you,” Kamath spoke.

Grace glowered at the reminder. No. She couldn’t—Vampires weren’t real. This…didn’t feel real. This…had to be a bad dream or she was in hell. Probably hell. This felt like hell.

“Walker, Mansk. Leave us.” Kamath spoke, not looking away from her with a more thoughtful expression.

“This is my bunk.” Mansk gave her a look.

“Do you really want her to leave? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

Mansk stared at her for a moment before he raised his hands in mock surrender and the other two left but not before Walker kicked the bag to Kamath’s feet. They didn’t go far. In fact, Grace was surprised to follow their steps outside and lingered with the other three waiting.

“Focus on me, not them,” Kamath spoke, pulling Grace’s attention from the door and beyond. “Vampires are real. This is happening and no, you’re not in hell. You’ve just had a really…..fucking shit day.”

Grace’s eyes widened.

Kamath lent down slowly, opening up the bag to reveal eight…blood bags inside. Each was marked with different blood types.

“No.”

“Yes.” She picked one up and held it out expectantly. “Deny all you want. You need this.”

“I’m not—“

“You are.” Kamath spoke, “Just over two hours ago, you left your room, almost swore at a vending machine then made your way back only to stop hallway when Shen got ahead of herself when she was trying to get a snack and you came across that scene with a very different context.”

Grace’s eyes narrowed. “Two hours?” She looked at the clock: 11:59. “I thought it was later than that.” She knew the pain… but surely it was day… there was no mistaking the pain and…she knew her heart was quiet but… it just…didn’t feel real.

“You had a shit day and had an early night. The day crew are in bed by ten. People linger which is often a prime time for one of us to get a snack.” Kamath spoke, carrying on with a wave of her hand. “Now… interrupting a feeding vampire is…bad. We’re naturally instinctive to protect our food but… when you ran, you triggered Shen. You were food and you ran, inciting the hunting instinct that’s…most prominent when actively feeding.”

Grace flinched at the reminder, her hand coming to feel her back; the memory of the woman’s heel was unmistakable…she doubted she could forget the sensation.

“My spine…”

“Hunting instinct leads to less rational thought and a more frenzy, impulsive side. The…hunter brain didn’t want you to escape but didn’t want to kill your outright. Debilitation.”

Grace closed her eyes, swallowing thickly through the ache in her throat, her eyes returning to the bags. Kamath reached forwards and…somewhat hesitantly handed it over. The cool bag remained settled in her palm and yet, there was an appeal with the lingering scent coming off of it.

“I…I don’t want to be like this.” She just…wanted to go to her bunk and sleep. Pretend it didn’t happen but… fuck it was all so damn confusing.

The door shifted, and Grace stepped away with a flicker of aggression though she stamped that emotion down quickly as she also realised she had pulled the bag away. Why did she think someone was going to take it?

Her eyes narrowed before her eyebrows shot up to see…Curfman, Choi and…Maze. All matching eyes though. She immediately frowned in confusion because… surely that wasn’t right. If they were just as fucked-up as she was…why didn’t she know? Surely something must have…

“They’ve been…studying our species. If you want to check facts, they’ll give you some.” Kamath assured, patting her arm. “We’ll leave you four to talk.” Before leading out with a high head.

“Let’s go to my bunk,” Walker spoke, despite Mansk's complaint. “Hey, you volunteered your bunk for this so stop being a bitch about it.”

They didn’t go far, Grace could hear the three walk about five doors down before the door opened and then shut. In fact, there weren’t many people in this section of the bunks. She counted at least thirty-seven heartbeats in the immediate area.

“Why is it so quiet?” Grace wondered out loud.

“Twelve people left for Earth this morning, SecOps don’t get more staff for another two months when the next ship arrives. It was the best place to go than risk more people.” Choi spoke, taking Mansk’s vacant seat. “You should really drink that.” He nodded to the bag in her hand.

Grace eyed the bag again uncertainly.

“If you’re embarrassed, don’t be.” Maze spoke, “We know it’s…all very new and… you barely feel like you’ve wrapped your head around it.”

Again, Grace didn’t feel certain, but she did slowly sink back down onto the edge of the bed again. the liquid in the bag shifting with the movement though she hesitantly shifted it trying to determine the best way to…eat it. Bite through the plastic or use the provided straws?

“Bite the top and push it up into your mouth, you don’t want to pop it and Mansk will get more whiny if you stain his sheets with blood.”

Grace considered actually doing this but the burning in her throat was starting to get worse the longer she looked at the bag.

Fuck it.

She wrinkled her nose at the taste of the bag but the plastic pierced with the slight touch of the sharpened teeth though the moment she tasted the content, it clicked and before she knew it, the bag was empty.

Then the second. Then the fourth…

By the eighth, Grace was feeling sloshy and mildly disappointed as the bag finished but… her throat felt so much better. In fact, the hustle and…disorientation also seemed to settle back as well. She actually felt good.

Which was weird.

“So, now you’re fed, this meal will…last about today and tomorrow but after that, we’ll need to teach you how to find yourself some food more naturally. Solis finds bags that are about to expire or finds a reason to get them out but… we need to be careful. So we hunt more naturally.”

Grace looked up from her sad, empty blood bad but with more weariness. “People.”

“Yep. But, Grace, we have rules.”

Grace’s shoulders relaxed. “What are they?” At least there was some… order in this nightmare.

“We don’t kill our food.” Choi spoke, “This…isn’t earth so people going missing or dead will be noted and investigated. With…well the rest of us, we can help each other out. People talk, you get to know routines and we don’t go for someone who’s already been fed from for at least a month unless you’re desperate or they’ve recovered enough.”

That…actually sounded reasonable. Logical and…smart. But that still left a bitter taste in her mouth. She was…fucked into this mess because they didn’t want her corpse or absence being questioned? Grace tossed the baggy with the rest into the cooler bag.

“Anything else?”

“Yes. Teeth are coated in a type of venom that…triggers the victim to find the sensation pleasing when you bite,” Choi held out his tablet, which showed the digital diagrams of a chemical structure. “This…stops the human from feeling any pain if the vampire chooses to release that but…it also makes them a little more aroused so we’ve collectively agreed that…you avoid sexual intimacy if your feeding.”

Grace’s eyes widened. “That’ll be a fucking mess!” She hadn’t considered that but it make her recoil at how those lines looked so easy to cross if you didn’t think. Fuck no!

“Yes, so…to avoid that, you’re either feeding or your fucking. Never both at the same time and certainly not when you’re getting them high off you. No one here wants to deal with the morality of vampires and rape and where the line is because it’s…not something we want to get into. The third rule is related; we use personal charm to seduce to fuck, not the vampire charm. Same reason.”

“Oh, I agree.” Though she hardly had enough people to be friendly with so suddenly trying to seduce someone for the fun would be difficult. Not that it mattered really; she had other priorities now. “But… one of you turned me and I didn’t want to be turned?”

Choi winced, looking down at the tablet than meeting her eye. “It’s… I’m sorry that happened, Dr Augustine but…the need to keep the secret does and will…prioritise over your personal desire. You are the head of the avatar program now. Head of SciOps. If you go missing or were found dead… then what would you think would happen?” Choi’s voice was empathetic as he spoke but she hated it nonetheless. That she now had to play along with this…show. Pretend she was…back to her normal self.

“Now, we have about…six hours before the morning people start to wake up. I…may have booked you three days off of active work to get you settled and adjusted to this new way of life. There’s a lot to cover and your avatar will be looked after in the medical bay.”

“You booked me—wait, who authorised that?”

Curfman spared a glance to Choi, “We…sort of know your authorisation codes.”

Grace narrowed her eyes. “What, why?!”

“To get what we need without people asking questions. We needed access to codes to input our programs that’ll cover the monitors with pre-loaded data and false readings. We knew Harpers and…well he didn’t notice. You haven’t either. ” Curfman spoke, “The links monitor our vitals, heart and brain. But…we’re dead. Technically. Nothing to monitor and…everyone would notice that so…Shen created a program that could…use old data from our previous links and recycle it through a program that would show up on the monitors so that…no one would think anything was wrong.”

Grace blinked but…she couldn’t deny the genius of that and she knew Maze was an avatar technician; someone easy to install or to activate the program whenever they needed. “At…at least we can still use our avatars.”

“Indeed but that…should bring us to our next area of…interest. Vampire abilities and weaknesses.”

Max perked up at that. “Oh, this is a good topic. Kinda awesome.”

“Abilities? Oh god, is there some…magical bullshit thrown into this as well?” she gestured down at her body with a wrinkled nose. “I am a scientist. I’m…barely even accepting the whole dead thing.”

“We’re still looking into it, Dr Augustine.” Choi smiled, “Come, let’s go to one of the labs. Mansk wants his bunk back.”

-

Grace stared down at the complied data they had, though the smell of the lab was…familiar and the camera feeds were looped. Another program that…she had no idea about. It made her realise that… Shen had a good amount of control of the RDA’s computer systems at a click of a button. Not enough to…be noticeable. Grace had been told it was mostly cameras and health monitors or computer systems that compiled personal data.

She knew Shen had come to the RDA for hijacking supplies and was paying of those debts but she hadn’t cared much thought. Still, getting her back broken in wasn’t enough to think of her in a good light.

Her mind still buzzed a little though her mood was barely lightened by the fact that… they couldn’t sleep. Laying down was the next best though Grace wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing yet. She always did like to spend too many hours working.

“Now, we don’t know what you’ll get. It’ll take a day or so for what your main shtick is to kick in.” Maze spoke, “We’ve…categorised four different prime abilities. We all have all of them but…we favour naturally towards one to master.”

“We’ve got Misting; which Is primarily…” Choi paused, “like turning into a mist or vapour. Pretty much what it says on the tin.”

“Misting?” Grace’s tone dropped into scepticism.

“It’s primarily used to get into places you can’t ordinarily or out, if you’re in a sticky situation. Through a door or…a window.” As if to make her point, Maze ran straight to the window and even going as far as to dive, arms forward at the window.

Grace stiffened up, fully expecting the woman to thunk against the glass and ping off… but her form instead dissolved like a cloud of grey fog and seemed to slither with motion through the window and reformed outside.

“Fuck.”

Maze stood outside arms wide with a triumphant smirk on her maskless face before stepping back through into the lab. Grace stared for a moment. “How’d you get through the sealed window?”

“Well, we can alter our molecular density from our natural state to an overexcited state. It’s a simple science that…we move our modules through the material without breaking it. Of course, it’s harder to do with these windows given it’s…well very little of natural gaps given it’s meant to keep human air in and Pandora air out but not impossible.” Maze spoke, looking very cheerful about it. “You will need to learn how to escape these types of windows and airlock doors, even if it’s not your shtick.”

“Noted.”

Choi sighed and pulled the attention back to himself. “Next is Telepathy. We all use a variant of this to wipe the memory of our meals so they don’t remember that aspect of our meeting and…freak out. But it’s useful for us to garner an expectation of what’s happening or if we need to cover something or is there’s an exposure risk. Kamath’s area of expertise. She can go over that with you if that’s your thing.”

At least… Well, Grace knew mind shit was a vampire’s thing but…it felt odd to hear that. But…she supposed it made sense. It’d be interesting to learn for sure.

“Next is...morphing.”

“Really?” Grace gave him a look because this was a little too much. “I can understand the other shit but…that’s a bit farfetched.”

“Do you need proof for that as well, Grace?” Choi scoffed. “That’s Curfmans’s thing.”

Grace’s eyes slid to the woman but all she did was shrug. “Think of misting, but we reform as another thing. Right now, it’s only Earth animals since…I think animal impressions are passed down from each generation to the next via our blood. I’m still looking into it but I’m not turning into anything right now. I’m…not a show pony.”

“You’ll be taught to morph into at least one animal.” Maze spoke, “It’s kinda fun. Mistings find it easier but again, not my area. I prefer being a mist.”

Grace sighed but accepted this with a nod. Sure, why not? This was too freaking weird to be made up bull shit. “Fine. What’s the last one?”

“Oh, this.” Choi reached forwards, pulling a pen from a pot and holding it out in his hand. It rose up by an inch above his palm. “Telekinesis. Very useful for small things. Like opening up doors, getting items in and out of pockets but… well it’s my area and the hardest to master.”

“Harder than turning into a cloud?” Grace deadpanned.

Choi just chuckled, “So far, this is also Walker and Shen’s thing.”

Grace wrinkled her nose but nodded. “Is that it?”

“We have our regular abilities; speed and strength, enhanced senses; typical vampire bull shit in that regard. We can scale buildings but that’s just using our strength and Pandora’s lesser gravity.” Curfman spoke, “I once climbed up a wall and knocked on Selfridge’s window and scared the shit out of him when he was reading at Halloween.” She giggled softly, “He fainted.”

Grace couldn’t help the curl of her lips at that because…that sounded funny. She had heard rumour of something scaring Selfridge at night but… it had died down after Quaritch had called it a prank. She remembered him sniggering about it later after the investigation had been cleared.

“Please tell me the sun doesn’t kill us.” Grace hoped not, but at least then having her avatar was a good thing now. Her outside body, if that was the case.

“No, but it does…weaken us. We can’t use most of our abilities in direct sunlight. The light can overwhelm our enhanced vision so certain light receptors in our eyes turn off to prevent optical damage. Our hearing and sense of smell remained fine. Our speed is reduced but still faster than humans funning. Strength…it can vary depending on exposure.”

That was a relief… in a few ways. No sun damage, at least that wasn’t a worry because… it was in the warm season right now; they had clear skies and a lot of sun. The regular eclipse was good as well to douse the world in darkness for some time.

“Garlic is…acidic to us so avoid that if possible,” Choi carried on, “And anyone who eats Garlic. It lingers in their blood and…it fucking burns.” Clearly from experience. “No religious artefacts or water affect us so, yay. Silver… there’s a compound in that’s just… I’d avoid that as well and…” Choi paused.

“What?”

“Unobtainium is also…Ouchy for us as well.”

Grace’s face dropped immediately. “You’re shitting me.” This whole base was a mine; meant to dig up the stuff…if that hurt them then…damn the humans here had ways to drive them out.

“Now you see why we have to keep our people quiet.” Maze put in sympathetically. “Fortunately, we don’t have to handle it raw and it’s all in the other departments but…if someone slips up and touches a piece and people realise, they can do the math.”

“Oh, I understand perfectly.” Mining was defiantly bad since humans would weaponise it very quickly given they purified it and could work the metal into anything they want. “Damn, this is…shit.”

“Yep, so we have to have each other’s backs. No matter what because… the chances are that the humans will not take well to finding us out and… there are almost nineteen hundred humans here. Too many to memory wipe. We have contingency plans but if one of is us ratted out, all of us are.”

Grace nodded, her mind feeling a little overwhelmed with all this information and… she couldn’t even talk to Mo’at about it. Not anymore. She hadn’t gotten around to telling them of human myths for them to even get an…understanding of this. She took a calming breath, pushing that area of grief away for now.

“Well, I suppose I have a lot to learn.”

That was already feeling like a freaking understatement.

[securcity-archive]

“  i know you don’t need my help. but i’m offering it anyway.  ”

frustration bides within her at his words, because damn if it jamie isn't the most infuriating man she has met. he's approached her with patience, kindness, and understanding; and she hates it. but oh.. that's a lie, because she yearns for it. she aches for the way that his touch is delicate across her skin, tender and understanding when he holds her. she's hungry for the way that he looks at her, like she's not so broken; or at least not broken enough to pull herself together to be a decent woman for him. a partner who can hold her own and have his back. someone to trust.

and it scares her. but she relents, nodding towards him with gritted teeth as she fights against the numbing pain that claws it's way to her nervous system. her jeans are already in ruination, stained with her blood and ripped on her thigh. she took a knife to the material earlier, making the hole wider to allow her to try to stitch herself back together with hunter tools. but jamie has never been one to allow her to sit in her pain; he's always there for her, especially when she least expects it. she reaches a hand out to his shoulder when she feels him start digging the needle into the tender, ripped flesh on her thigh, curling out a pitiful noise that carved out of her. her fingers almost dig into the muscle of his shoulder, but she bites back against the pain. "fuck," she mutters, looking at the blood that coats a thin layer on her leg. "better leave a cool scar or i'll be pissed."