#anyway i have to go run errands I am an Adult

[polite-pandemonium]

There's this TikTok trending sound floating around where the gist is 'can't tell if the friend who is always fake flirting with you is still fake flirting' and I immediately thought of these two. It's practically canon IMHO.

Who is kicking up the fake flirting a notch differs between the two of them on the daily.

[inkskinned]

it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)

i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.

i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.

i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.

in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.

i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.

i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.

my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.

i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.

i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.

it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.

almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.

i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.

i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.

write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.

[twodimensionalboyfriend]

Sick </3

wc: ~1.3k read time: ~5 minutes

༉‧₊˚.¸♡ master list✧ '*•༉

cw: fluff! smooches here and there i guess! gn throughout! also not proofread lol

I have fucking covid!! my bones are on fire!!!

on a serious note, i have never been sick like this before in my life, i had the worst skin and joint aches i'd ever had in my life and my head felt like it was going to explode with pressure and my ears are still fuckin clogged. so anyways im gonna project my problems into this fic in the order in which i experienced them as a form of therapy and if anybody else is out there sick rn, i hope you have a jason todd to make it bearable!

On a silly note, I met a stray cat in the neighborhood the other day but she's been spayed! im hoping this is the cat distribution system at play

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," you groaned.

You're sitting on the couch trying to convince your boyfriend that you're not sick. It's just allergies! Allergies that come with body aches, pressure in your head, and now a fever.

Jason showed you the thermometer, "Dude, you're running at 100.1..."

You looked at the thermometer incredulously, "Isn't that thing super old? I mean how do we even know it still works? Take it again."

Jason sighed and scanned your forehead again, "Babe, we bought this a couple months ago." He glared at you as he showed you the thermometer again, which now read 100.2.

"Tch, that's barely even a fever," you said rolling your eyes.

"That's it. You're going on bed rest."

"Woah, what?? Jason, I told you I'm fine! Besides I have so much to do today. We need groceries, I have a prescription to pick up, there are so many dishes in the sink, I have laundry to fold and I have work this evening. A little cold isn't... what are you doing?" You cut yourself off as you saw Jason typing on his phone.

"Thanks for the to-do list! While you rest, I'll go and get this done. Grocery list is on the fridge and our pharmacy is in the store, so text me if you need anything else. I am more than capable of doing dishes and laundry, so you don't have to worry about that. And I love you, but you're crazy if you think you're going into work tonight. Text your boss a picture of the thermometer and call out. Or I'll do it for you, whatever you prefer."

"Ar-Are you sure? I mean it's..." You trailed off. You really did feel like shit and it's not like you necessarily wanted to do these errands and chores. After a moment of thinking, you sighed and relented, "Okay, fine, only if you're completely sure you can handle it."

"(Y/N), I'm an adult. If I couldn't do laundry, you should be worried about me." You tried to laugh a little, but it quickly snowballed into a coughing fit, "Woah woah, take it easy. I'm gonna take the list and go to the store. Again, text me if you need anything or if you just wanna say hi," he said with a smile.

Your eyes welled up a bit as you whispered, "Thank you, Jason. I love you very much."

"I love you too, I'll be back soon."

--------

The front door swung open and Jason's voice rang through your shared apartment, "Honey, I'm home!"

You couldn't have gotten up if you tried. You're sickly moan from the couch alarmed Jason, and he dropped the groceries and ran to your side.

You were lying on the couch in your spiderman sweats and a hoodie; your arms draped over your eyes to block out the white lights from the kitchen that added to your headache. Your entire body ached like it never has before. The sight squeezed Jason's heart. "Oh, honey," he said sympathetically, pressing his hands to your cheeks, "Woah, you are burning up! Hang on." He snatched the thermometer from the coffee table and tested his partner. The screen lit up red. It read 101.7.

You mumbled, "H-Holy shit..." It was a bit too much to talk right now.

"Okay babe, I got you some chicken noodle soup because that's what Alfred always made us, and I don't quite have his cooking skills--and this is, uh from a uh... a can--but I'm gonna make some for you, and that should hopefully make you feel better," he looked at you with worry. "Then would you want to watch Pride & Prejudice while I folded the laundry? The movie obviously, since you like it. Even though the show is better," he grumbled at the end.

God damn it. You were crying again.

You were experiencing so many different emotions you didn't really know what else to do. You loved Jason so much and felt so much gratitude for the way he was taking care of you. As if there was nothing else he could possibly be doing right now other than be here. This is on top of the fact that you've been in agony for the past hour as you got worse and worse; and you were really tired of feeling that way.

This shocked and scared Jason, "I'm sorry!! The movie isn't that bad! I just like that the show's more accurate to the book! Also, when Lizzie runs through the rain, why does she grab a soaking wet cloth from the very same rain storm to dry her hair?! I'm sorry I just--"

"I love you so much," you croaked out. "I also feel like fucking garbage."

This put Jason at ease and he kissed the top of your head. "I'm sorry you feel like shit, sweetheart. I do this because I love you too. Like, a lot. Now stop talking and spare your voice. Let's get you cozy and hopped up on vitamin C, and we'll just take it easy."

-----------------

The next morning, you woke up. You sat up slowly and realized most of the pressure in your head is gone. Your body no longer felt like it was on fire! Definitely still congested though. You also realized you fell asleep on the couch after the first proposal, yet you were currently sitting in your bed. Jason must've brought you in. Suddenly, a sneeze crept up and exploded out of you. Then another. Then one more. Jesus, that hurt your chest.

Your fit was loud enough to let Jason know you had woken up. He came into the room holding a spatula. The opened door let in a sweet smell and a sizzling sound. "How are you feeling, baby?" He walked towards you.

"Well I can bear to be conscious, so I'd say much better. What's going on in the kitchen?"

He pressed his hand to your forehead and said, "Pancakes! And lots of orange juice. I don't think you’re in the clear yet. Sit tight; I'm gonna get the thermometer and take your temperature."

Ignoring his request, you got up to meet him in the living room. You stepped out of the bedroom and was met with the sight of Jason discarding the pancake that had burned due to his doting. He saw you walking towards him and urged you to go back to bed, "Go back! I'm gonna bring you breakfast in bed. Pancakes, juice, fruit, the whole shebang."

"No it's okay, let me be out here with you. I'd kiss you good morning, but I fear I might poison you and get you sick."

Jason stole a quick kiss, much to your surprise, "I spent all night with you. If I were to get it, I don't think a kiss would be what seals my fate. You're plate is ready, by the way."

He handed you a plate stacked with 3 pancakes and a butter slice, drizzled in maple syrup with strawberries and whipped cream. It was beautiful, "Oh my god, Jason, that's so gorgeous I don't think I can eat it." Your stomach growled and promptly gave away your true feelings.

"Tear it up, baby girl."

You sat down as Jason finished making his stack. He sat down with you and you both began eating. Pre-packaged pancake mix has never tasted so good.

"Thank you for nursing me back to health, Jason. You've made this past few days in unbearable hell feel more like a manageable limbo."

He laughed, "What else was I supposed to do? Let the love of my life suffer?"

"God I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life."

"Well, fortunately, you'll never have to." He leaned over the table and pressed a syrupy kiss to your lips.

if there are an content warnings you think i missed, please tell me so!! i’ll add them to this post and remember to add them to future ones!! :) ♡ ♡

and pls pls like and reblog and reply!! literally if you interact i will kiss you on the mouth

[katz-chow]

im a ghost girlie but my love for soap is literally incomprehensible and i have this headcanon where its ghost x reader but soap third wheels all the time and its not like in a mean way at all, they’re just a trio that is basically inseparable. i also hc that they make so many jokes about being a throuple to the point where its not rlly a joke anymore lmao. anyway, this is all to ask if you’ll write some headcanons about that dynamic. fluff ofc! if u feel comfortable writing a little bit of poly soap x reader x ghost, i’d be very gracious 🙏🏽 but no pressure!

soap, simon, and the not-so-single parent

warnings: gn!reader, ghost x reader, soap x platonic!reader, my interpretation of ghost & soap, domesticity, fluff, johnny being johnny, simon being simon, reader being the concerned parent, third-wheel soap

a/n: this shit be on my mind constantly that johnny just loves to annoy and thirdwheel reader & simon. some of this is inspired by irl stuff. i'm not really into a poly triangle personally and i just can't imagine them, especially simon, to be okay with it, sorry!

humble beginnings

johnny didn't find out that simon had a romantic partner until you two reached past your 1 year anniversary. it happened by pretty much chance too, here's how that went: simon forgot a file, you were off of work, you drove to base, you dropped off said file using your dependent clearance, he kissed your cheek goodbye right in the doorway of his office (masked), johnny turned the corner, and as simon pulled away, you looked at johnny who was desperately trying to seem busy on his phone as he walked away hurriedly. he was on the calculator app. simon and you gave each other a look and he nodded, knowing that you've been wanting to meet the colorful coworkers (and his closest friends) for a while now. you called him over, soap, as you've remembered, not everyday you see a mohawk. johnny freezes and turned around to see you beckoning him back to the frame of the office, and simon with his arms crossed, staring a bit annoyed actually. he was chill when you two introduced each other, not wanting to embarrass himself. his eyes lit up though, when he heard you invite him over for dinner. "lovie..." simon started out, a gentle hand on your back. you hit his chest with the back of your head playfully, "no, no, this will be good for us. first diner party in our new house" "HOUSE? HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD SOMEONE" he wanted to scream at simon's face, what came out however was a "i dinnae want to be a bother to you both" you insisted and he felt bad (but also curious), so dinner it was. simon took off his mask to please you and well, it was the comfort of his home. he rolled his eyes as johnny quipped that he certainly was "quite the opposite". from that day forward, it was the three of you against...manchester i guess?

children, the both of them

johnny tags along whenever you two are running errands on leave or on off days when they're both stationed at home. sometimes it's just you and him, or him and simon, or all three of yall. it started with a "we're having brunch, wanna join?" and now it's more like "we're going to the zoo, 9 am, get there" they make up the weirdest challenges and it feels like you're babysitting them both. simon, doesn't see it, he's a grown adult man, he's not silly. johnny says it's just in his nature like how it's natural that wombats poop in cubes (he walked ahead to read that tidbit and walked back to regurgitate it back at the two of you). challenges include: simon and johnny getting into a long debate about which is better, the smoked salmon crepes or the chocolate crepes, and when they mix them together, who can eat it all without puking? who can get to the butterfly sanctuary the fastest without running? who can find your favorite fish in the 30,000 gallon (113562.35 liter) fish tank WHILE holding their breath as if they were swimming in the water johnny telling you that his jokes are the best, simon butting in and using the "i'm your boyfriend, surely my jokes are better" card. you wanted to throw them both out of the car as they kept going back and forth with the most stupidest, tasteless, dad jokes ever. johnny saying he can drive better than simon. simon saying he can fly a broken helicopter and land safely. you're in the driver's seat. simon quipped that he would be a good artist compared to this shit's canvas (picasso) and johnny saying that his cat can paint better. simon said dogs can do it better. johnny said- you get the idea simon threw up after the 8th time on a rollercoaster. johnny threw up on the 9th. you, however, went through a nice scenic boat ride :)

quiet mornings

you three are closer than yall think. whenever they're both away, you always miss the noise they bring in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to make muffins or...popcorn. the three of you doing the daily wordle, crossword, and sudoku. "what's c for?" "c4 is an explosive, bonnie" "no johnny, what does C STAND FOR? fucking idiot..." mornings when you both are expecting johnny are never quiet, especially when he announces that he's there by knocking on the front door and saying "it's johnny!" when someone opens it. even when he's not there, you can at least hear simon's almost silent breaths if it wasn't for how close you two were. you miss them when they have to leave, you know it can't be forever, but damnit you missed the buzzing of them both. you don't miss, however, johnny and simon playing drunk monopoly.

[hel-phoenyx]

27) Moving in together

Meili belongs to @azeler and Kaizarz to @corneille-but-not-the-author

"Say, Tyr, why don't you live at the court ?"

The question took me by surprise. We were thirteen and fourteen, we knew each other since four years, and this is the first time Meili ever asks me this question.

We just finished a mock battle, another training. I won, this time. People think it's usual, but in reality it doesn't happen as often as I would like to. I'm stronger and my powers are more potent, but he's smarter and knows how to use his. That makes us evenly matched, most of the time.

He puts down his warhammer and I sheath my sword. Training sword this time. I never use Dainsleif in training.

"Well, why do you ask ?"

"I mean, you're the son of Harald, the Blood Warrior. My parents are always talking about this guy, half-vampire, heir of the von Zanaderstrassen, yadda yadda... Even though you got Ocean's powers and not him, he's respected, a lot. A guy like him has his place in the castle. So I was wondering why you're not living here with him."

There is some kind of sadness in his eyes. And genuine curiosity, too. I guess his parents only talked about my father, and not my mother. Or maybe he thought we are both ashamed of her. This is not surprising.

It's been a long time since I lost my name. In fact, I wasn't even born with it. They gave me a new one when my cries brought seastorms, and tried to forsake everything in my legacy that wasn't Harkyr.

I can't talk about all of that with Meili. So I just shrug.

"Oh, he just didn't want to leave my mother alone."

Meili frowns. So he knows.

Not like it is a secret. We may not bear the name af Mundir anymore, but Matilda III is very, very obvious in her disdain towards us. Of course mom is persona non grata at the castle, only getting here to be humiliated or run errands for dad. She doesn't want to live in the walls where her father died, anyway.

But, and I thank him for that, he doesn't add anything else. He just nods.

"I see. That's too bad, because I don't see you very often. Like between my Karibarn duties and you that only comes in a day or two in the week..."

It's true, I don't go as often. I have other duties, other people to see, and most of the time I hate coming to the castle not even knowing if I'll find them. Kaizarz is often busy, or with his mother, and Domhildr has a family ; without talking about Meili himself who, like he said, has duties among the Karibarn.

I don't want to go there just to get looked at in disdain, fear or hate. I don't want to get insulted every time I set foot in the court. So I espaced my visits, even though I end up missing them.

I didn't realise they were missing me, too.

A smile grows on my face, teasing, yet affectionnate.

"Aw, do you miss me, Meili."

He rolls his eyes.

"Miss beating you up, yeah."

"Not the right thing to say after losing, my friend."

"You won't get as lucky next time."

I laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, well, we'll see about that. And, well, if you want to see me that much, maybe I'll just move in, once I'm an adult, respected and who knows ? Winner of the Tournament."

"You ? Winning the Tournament ? Like hell you will. You'll have to pass Kaizarz, first, and he's definitely going to crush you."

"No doubt about that. But he's not going to participate every year, will he ? I hope not, or I'll ask him to leave some glory for the others !"

He joins me laughing for a good while, right there under the sun shining on the court.

I don't tell him I am so hellbent on winning that Tournament because it is the only way people in that damn castle would finally see me as me.

****

He's not here.

I moved in the castle, like I promised him. I did not win the tournament, I am neither an adult, nor respected, and worse of all my strenght waned with the loss of my hand. But I moved in. Because Kaizarz asked me to.

He's not here. He's nowhere to be found. From what I've hear, no one is saying his name, either. no one is talking about him, and when I hear people mentionning the Ymirsen, it's always with the same sort of disdain they were using for the af Mundir.

But his parents are still there. He's the only one afflicted with that shame.

He's not here. When I asked Kaizarz about it, once I could lead a conversation, he told me what happened. A tragedy during one of his Karibarn missions left him only survivor, and he had to deal with the disgrace of not avenging his comrades. He was exiled for this without a word.

Right after I lost my hand.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Kaizarz. He had to deal with my own disgrace right before Meili disappeared from the vicinity. He told me he only learnt about what really happened after his coronation. Right after my return.

He's not saying anything but I knew him since he was five. That hurt. I just know it, in the looks he throws me, the hint of sadness he's trying to hide.

He's not here. Sometimes I wake up and think we're gonna train like we used to, and maybe he would beat me more easily, this time, since I can't use my main hand anymore. I would yield and maybe be angry about that, and let him gently mock me like he used to when I lose. We would then have a verbal fight before laughing under the sun just as it was before.

Then I remember he's not here and I may never see him again.

I miss him.

***

He's here. We're leaving in a few days, and Kaizarz is gathering a crew "worth of the greatest heroes" he says. I don't want to sadden him but he's the only one I would consider a hero. The others are just the Norn, powerful yet sheltered, the court's occultist, the fairy princess that lost her title, and me.

And Meili, too.

Kaizarz didn't leave him any choice. He's back from his exile. When we saw each other the first time since then, both of us flinched. I had my hand gone, and he was covered in burn scars, his eye shining blue in an flesh-exposed socket.

He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. Both of us changed so much during the six years of separation. I don't know how to deal with that. He doesn't know either.

I just smile. Sadly.

"Glad to be under the same roof as you this time, old friend."

"Not gonna call a boat a "roof" per se, Tyr."

My smile grows a little wider.

I guess some things never change.

[xaharadesert]

Greetings! I'm rereading your headcanons for the Arcana, and they're all very well-written and interesting. I wonder, do you have any ideas about how MC and Asra grew close and started a romantic relationship before the plague? No pressure if you don't feel like answering.

Hello!! I’m so glad you enjoy my headcanons :) even if I don’t write as much as I used to, I’m proud of my work. Based on your message, I wasn’t sure if you were asking for headcanons or just my thoughts, so I’m going with the latter, but feel free to submit another request if it was actually the first one!

So, as usual, I’m gonna add a little disclaimer stating that I haven’t played the game in a very long time, and can’t really remember what’s canon vs fanon, so forgive me if I say something that’s just blatantly wrong. Also, I’m referring to Asra using he/him just to differentiate them from the MC, who I’m referring to with they/them, and I am aware that Asra uses he/they.

Anyway, the game itself gives us very little to work with in terms of MC’s backstory with Asra (obviously so people can fill it in how they please), but I do believe that it’s canon that the shop used to belong to MC’s aunt?

In my mind, I always imagined that MC’s aunt was a semi-well-known magic user, and MC left their home to study with her and learn magic and such. They probably worked at the shop as well, since they lived there and it would be a bit rude not to help out.

Now, this is where I’m essentially just making things up: I believe that Asra and MC bumped into each other a lot without ever really having a proper introduction in the first few months. I’m not sure if there’s any indication about what Asra was doing after his parents disappeared, but I’m like 90% certain he was just homeless and making money by running errands or doing tricks/small spells/tarot readings for people. So, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that they casually saw each other around when MC was exploring or running errands for their aunt.

When it comes to a proper introduction, my mind is split between a cliché meet-cute where they literally run into each other, a curious MC seeking out Asra because they think he’s mysterious and therefore must find answers, or MC’s aunt hiring Asra as part-time help. Either way, it definitely starts as a casual friendship between two magic users who feel a little out of place, with Asra absolutely working at or spending a lot of time at the shop.

Over time, I think the two would naturally grow closer as they harness their magical abilities together. Asra has found a place that feels like home, and MC has found their first close friend in a new country. I think it would be a little co-dependent from the start, given Asra’s unfortunate circumstances, and MC becoming the owner of their aunt’s shop (it’s never confirmed, but personally I believe that the aunt died and left a young mc to take over).

At some point, after the aunt was gone, Asra would move into the shop (it’s practical, even if it’s only platonic, since he works there and MC is probably a little lonely), and while things might not be completely romantic, feelings are probably developing. I always imagined MC and Asra to be around the same age, so they’re probably young adults at this point, and still figuring things out, but they know that they want to be together in some way.

I don’t think there’s a clear line that can be drawn between “before” they loved each other romantically and “after”. Like, yeah, there’s a first kiss, but it doesn’t feel like a giant momentous moment, it’s just a casual action that feels completely natural. Neither of them probably even process it as the first time, and wouldn’t remember it later, because it just fits. And if you’re thinking about the first “I love you”, then I hate to disappoint, but I believe they always said it platonically, so neither really registers when it becomes romantic.

At least in my opinion, Asra and MC are the ultimate best friends to lovers, and it happens like a frog in a boiling pot of water. They don’t even realize that they’re in a committed relationship until MC dies and Asra finds them back at square one. Then he’s like “oh fuck how do I recreate 6 years when I don’t even know how it happened?” Falling in love and being with each other every day was as natural to them as breathing, and having that relationship stripped away suddenly must have felt like being dropped into ice water.

Anyway, those are my basic thoughts! Not very detailed, because, really, there is no canon backstory! This isn’t even what I use for my OC MC, it’s just the vibes I picked up when I first played through :) let me know what you think, and what you would change! Also please let me know if there are any mistakes, because I typed this all out on my phone at 1am and just kinda rambled without thinking

[codenamehazard]

.:Walkabout:.

Chapter 34: Walkabout

Hey guys!

Sorry for the gap! Life stuff got in the way again and I'm currently rearranging my schedule to make sure things get done and all that. All the stuff that goes into adulting. So things still might be a bit sporadic for a bit, but I didn't forget!

Anyways, here's chapter 34! Hope you enjoy!

Without delay, let's jump in!

-------

“I can't believe I’m going through this bullshit." 

I growl to myself as I left the hell tent, promptly giving it the middle finger as I left. Once I’m on the move, I look at the folded note I was given, opening it as I go and reading it again.

There were instructions to go to Mercy Hospital and get checked out by a… “Dr. Sims?” Not sure who this guy is, and tell him I’m coming in for a quick physical and an energy reading…. Something about seeing if it could be helpful in speeding up Pangolin’s recovery? I don’t fucking know.

The note also contained a token with the face of a bear stamped in it, an indicator to others the sister I answered to and a reminder that I can “always come to them for aid.” I can’t help but to scoff. Right, aid… Like they haven't “done enough" for me as is.

The physical makes some sense, I guess. Last time I was anywhere near doctors were….

I quickly shake my head to keep the memories from sinking in. Last thing I need is to start having flashbacks of that moment.

The point still stands, however, I haven’t seen a doctor in years. Granted I don’t know how this is gonna work out but I’m guessing this “Sims” character is experienced with Conduit health and anatomy, so he’ll probably do a decent job. Maybe he can explain this energy thing too.

I can feel my blood start to seeth a little at my predicament. Here I am, back to being a fucking errand boy again. I guess the silver lining of it this time around is that it's basically my rent. So any money I earn, I get to keep. Will come in very handy since I don’t know if typical American cash will work since everything has gone to hell.

That and there isn’t some grand scheme over my head, just a simple “I can stay so long as I chip in.” Reasonable expectation, I guess. At least they aren’t tearing my life asunder or forcing grandiose responsibilities onto me.

I spot Mako and flag her down before we meet up in the middle. We catch up with some chit-chat before I ask her where Crow went off to as the last time I saw the brown-haired woman, she was with Mako.

“She had gone back to Mercy Hospital." She answers with a nod of her head towards that direction. "Duty calls and all.”

"Hm.” I grunt. "Seems like I’ll probably be seeing her again soon.” Mako cocks her head before I show her the note and the token I was given. The sight of the bear-faced token makes the Shark chuckle a bit. I raise an eyebrow. "What's so funny?”

"Oh nothing, I’m just not surprised that Bear took you under her wing. She tends to take on hotheads.” Mako replies and I groan as I roll my eyes.

“I take it you answer to a sister too?" I ask and she nods, pulling out a token with the face of a sparrow on it before we start walking.

Huh… Mako was put under the Sparrow bitch’s care? I wonder why, but that's a question for later.

"So, how did everything go?” Mako asks and I freeze before turning my head slowly to her, feeling anger starting to build.

"Woah.” I stop her. "Woah-woah-woah. I’m gonna need you to elaborate on what the fuck that’s supposed to mean.” I see her face go pale a bit as I narrow my eyes at her.

"You know…Your…Trial?" 

I growl. “Did you know about all of this?" Electricity starts to pop off of my arms as I glare at her.

"I can explain.” She starts, I growl deeper.

"Then start talking.”

She sighs before looking at me. "Tri-Point tends to attract the misfits of society… The lost, the wandering, the outcasts, you know… The types that would run away and join the circus and all that.” I can help but to roll my eyes at that, how fitting. Though I can't help but to think that all of those words are apt descriptors of myself. Wandering, outcasted and fucking lost.

“With that being said. The Sisters Three needed a system to make sure those who come to Tri-Point are who they say they are and would do w-" 

“And that mirror maze from Hell is part of that?!?” I roar out, abruptly interrupting Mako and causing her to flinch. She nods quickly before continuing.

"The Trial of Reflection is unique to whoever participates and it's something that everyone goes through. It’s what shows the truth of a person’s heart!”

“And you didn’t think to, oh I don’t fucking know, give me a heads up about this?! Just like you didn’t think to tell me about the fucking Corrodium?!?” I snarl out, rage spilling out of my mouth out of control. “Something I thought we addressed back before we left Droptown. Did you forget the little detail about how much I fucking hate repeating myself?!” I start getting in her space, electricity popping off of my arms. Mako glares and stands her ground.

“Look Cole!” She starts. “I get it! Not giving you a Wildlands 101 is on Pangolin and I, I’m not denying that! We should have done that before we left and I’m working on trying to rectify that, but when it comes to the rabbit, I couldn’t tell you!” “Why. The hell. Not?!” “Nivens is a key part of the system the Sisters Three set up.” She defends. Great, that horned menace has a name?! “‘The one who sees the Rabbit must make the choice on their own.’ If I told you the true nature of Nivens and what you were about to get into, it would make the system moot!” “Weren’t you the one that encouraged me to chase the damn thing?” I point out with a glare. “You could have still said no!” The shark retorts. “You’re a grown ass man, like you always point out! I can’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do!”

This statement stops my rage in its tracks, causing me to pause and think. Mako’s right, while yeah; she egged me on, I’m still the one who ultimately made the call to fall for the rabbit’s taunting and give into impulse. 

Speaking of choices, I remembered that was a big topic that the woodland bitches latched onto, choice or more specifically, my lack of it. My entire life was pretty much planned out before I was even a twinkle in my dad’s eye. Planned out hundreds of years in advance by the failure of a future self that bastard was and even after I broke free from his designs by siding with John, I only found myself in the chains of another grand design when John shirked his responsibilities and forced them onto my shoulders. Responsibilities that weren’t mine to bear.

Ditching the ball-and-chain that was Kuo and John’s army was the first time I ever made a choice that was completely and wholly of my own will and discretion, no bigger scheme, no grand destiny, nothing. Just a man taking back his autonomy. Ever since that day, I’ve had more freedom and choice than I ever had in my entire life. It’s only now that I’m truly and fully seeing this.

Hell, I have so much freedom now that… I’m not even quite sure what to do with it all.

I guess that I’ve become so used to my life being decided for me and my choices being as meaningful as piss in the ocean that without some puppet-master bullshit pulling the strings or some grand plan invalidating my autonomy that I’m used to it. So much so that without some outside force controlling my fate or me rebelling against said controlled fate, I really… Don’t know who exactly I am anymore. I thought I did, but now… I’m not sure.

As much as I hate to admit it…. And I really fucking hate to admit it, Deer was right. I have become disillusioned and lost.

“... Cole?” Mako’s voice penetrates through the whirlwind in my head, causing me to jump a bit in a start. The expression she wears is full of concern and worry, one I remember well back when she was part of John’s army, back when I led it. She was really the only one who'd show concern for me.

“Are you okay?" She asks, her voice tinged with worry. I open my mouth to lie, to tell her that I’m fine, but I pause. Lack of communication, lack of transparency. It's what's getting us into these messes. Seems like a common theme too, one that needs to break. Best start with myself.

"No.” I snap before taking a breath. “No, I’m not okay…” I see Mako about to say something, but I put my hand up. “With the hell I just went through in that madhouse, I need time to think… Process everything.”

Mako pauses, her eyes darting side to side before speaking up. "Well… If you need a listening ear or someone to vent to, you can always come to me or the other Misfits. We’ll be here for you.” She states, I can see she wants to add something, but she seems to dismiss whatever it was. Regardless, I nod.

"Appreciate the offer, Mako.” I mutter slightly. "But this is something I need to sort out on my own." She nods in understanding.

“Anyways, I need to be heading to the hospital. Marching orders and all.” I state simply. She nods before beginning to walk off.

"And Mako?” I stop her before she gets too far. "When you make that ‘Wildlands 101’ class, make sure you cover everything. And I mean everything. No more surprises. I will not repeat myself a third time." I warn, my eyes glowing red. “I mean it." 

“Right, I’ll confer with the others to make sure everything gets covered." Mako sheepishly murmurs before rubbing the back of her head. I nod at her and we part ways.

As I walk, I rub my calloused hands over my face tiredly before looking at the sky, noticing the sun was nearing the horizon. I sigh loudly and shake my hands, venting off arrant sparks before continuing on. I don't know what to expect with this hospital visit, but what I do know is I can kiss any hope of getting any sleep at all goodbye. 

Because with the hell I just went through? There's no hope of getting any sleep tonight.

[mixing-bowl-of-stories]

Hope you're well! For the prompt thing, what about Cloqwork boys with "I feel completely safe with you"

👀 aight

Also

@did-i-do-this-write @spare-stories-archive @bafflement <3

They had decided to take a day off, for once.

Or, well, Qrow wasn’t too upset about taking a day off. But he sort of dragged Ozpin along. Ozpin on the other hand was not entirely sure about this “taking a break” thing.

They hadn’t even really been doing anything super extraordinary when the topic came up. Qrow decided he was going to go run some miscellaneous errands, and he decided to tag along.

The question popped into his head randomly when thinking of a topic to bring up on their rather silent walk through the grocery store.

“A bit of an odd question, but…” he started.

Qrow looks over at him, curious, “What’s up?”

“Who is the person you feel or felt safest with?”

He was surprised by the question, but it didn’t seem to be coming with ill intention from Oz, only curiosity.

“Well, I’d say that’s kinda hard for me to say, to be honest.”

“Hm?”

They continued walking down the isles, occasionally stopping when Qrow found another grocery item they needed.

“I’ve had a lot of those over time, Raven was one, Alloy was another, and so was STRQ, of course though, things change.”

He grabs a can of red sauce off the shelf and examines it.

“I feel like, there’s not really one person you feel the “most” safe with usually. People come and go, and you feel safe with different people for different reasons.”

Ozpin puts a hand on his chin, “I see. I suppose you’re right. I trust your judgment with that sort of thing.”

“Although, unsurprisingly, I’m an outlier in that commonality.” Qrow laughs.

“Oh? And how’s that?”

“Because I actually really do only feel truly safe with, which is odd to me because I figured I would’ve found more people by now. But hey, I’m not complaining. This guy is pretty great in my opinion.”

“I suppose life is like that, unpredictable in many ways.”

“Yep”

“…So.”

“So?”

“Who is it?”

“It’s you, ya dork.”

Ozpin looks over, wide eyed with flushed cheeks. Qrow, who is facing away from him, looks at him out of the corner of his eye. He tries very hard but starts laughing anyways. Oz continues to stare at him.

“What?”

Oz points at himself, “Me?”

“Yeah.”

“But- I’m not- …Why?”

“Oi I thought you said you trusted my judgement, are you telling me that was a lie?”

“No! That’s not what I meant!”

Qrow snickers at him, “To answer your question, it’s because you’ve always been there for me. Always been in my corner, it was never like with Raven where she could be easily convinced to switch sides if you gave her something she wanted. And uh… that means a lot to me actually.”

“Oh… well, thank you. For trusting me that much. Still not quite sure how I did it, but thank you.”

“You were you, and you, are a good person. You have the kind of kindness that should be common sense in my opinion, but of course, isn’t, because the world kinda sucks like that.”

“The world does kind of suck, but that’s why we’re hunters, correct?”

“True.”

“Now then, can we pick up some chocolate ice cream…?” Oz mumbles

“You and your damn sweet tooth is gonna eat us out of a home.” Qrow teases

“It will not! I am a responsible adult, I’ll even pay for it!”

“Yes it will, even if you pay for it!”

“It will not!”

“Will too!”

[jellazticious]

I am fucking conceptualizing the fucking platformer game I've been thinking about for years because of Pizza Tower and I can't be mad about it fsjkgrns

that game's inspiring

anyhow, Shallow Stares: Portals and Parties thoughts under the cut

At the very start, you get to choose to play as Twelve the Pine Thing, Lantern the Clover Thing, and Serve the Shrub Thing. But you will not be stuck with who you pick the whole game, you get to change it anytime you want.

The whole thing plays out like a metrovania? but also Cuphead and Blasphemous were inspirations too. So like these kids venture off into this dnd world that's actually Earth after an apocalypse. The game starts out all cutesy with the kids running errands and fighting some safe level enemies. Then things go batshit cuz yknow, kids will run into anything. They'll meet crazy prophets, musicians in the woods, nomads with insane "chores", alchemists trying to raise the dead etc. In one point you meet an "adult Twelve". He's actually a completely different person who was summoned the same way Twelve was. Remember that the saplings are born of magic, sometimes a spell can be done exactly the same so what comes out can be the same thing too.

Other than the platform and fighting mechanics, there's dialogues in em too but they're more for understanding what the fuck is happening. The ending changes are slight. they most they can do is tell you how to unlock stuff.

You can get other playable characters, just gotta do sm stuff to get em.

anyway yeah, cute adventures, easing in to crazier things. Then in one point you find a contraption and you gotta use Lantern to magic it. That opens up portals everywhere and the other oc sets are activated.

Think of the portals as a DLC without buying anything bsrbgkrs

So yeah, the sapling you play as can access a between worlds room with all the portals in it and each one of them goes to levels that corresponds the oc set it came from. Example, the She-Clops portals have levels set in Iya's hometown and shit. The Light Plague portals lets you play in 131, the mutation infested upper division, and even the Bounty Hunter brawl ball.

Hell, you get to fight some other ocs as bosses and get them as playable characters. Tho not all of them can be achieved by just beating them, you gotta beat them specifically or complete other achievements.

For now, I can see Morter, Cobalt, Kiwi, Iya, Kipper, Crossbow, GR-17, Nodiel and Cameron as playable characters

You can play Cobalt when you beat his boss. Then like when you talk to him and get into a specific conversation, he'll hint how to get Morter as a playable character vaguely.

"Doc's a pacifist, I don't know if he'd join you little buggers with all this fighting" or smthn and you do get Morter if you clear a TLP level without damaging any enemy.

For PK, you get him when you like I dunno, S rank the Bounty Hunter Brawl level or defeat him first in it. Bounty Hunter Brawl is like a mini boss rush with no arrangement. Enemies are just scattered and you get to pick off which ones you wanna go for, they're occupied with each other after all. Tho it's on sight for anyone in that level. If someone sees you first, you're immediately targeted by that guy.

Iya can be unlocked if you beat her under a time limit, she'll respect your strength. But also unlocking Iya means automatically unlocking Kipper. Iya is more power based because she's really playful and Kipper is speed based because he's very anxious.

The player can make the characters strike a pose by pressing spacebar, make them dance by holding it longer and if it's multiplayer, press it twice for a partner dance if the character allows it.

the ones that can partner are the saplings with each other, Morter with Cobalt, Iya with Kipper, and Grit with Nodiel. Partnering these up in a game can also yield the best results as they were made to be compatible with one another.

ALSO I wanna talk about the differences of the playstyles. Primarily, the default three should explain this on your first try. Twelve is strength, Lantern is skill, and Serve is speed.

Twelve can kill enemies with two hits but he cannot climb walls with momentum. you gotta stab the wall and jump to do that

Lantern can cast spells the best since she has the highest magic level out of the three. She can run up walls a bit, she can make turns faster than Twelve since he's heavier and slips off. You can make her fly for a bit if you want, girl can doublejump too

Serve is the fastest one because they're tiny and thin. They have trouble fighting enemies because of their lighter body. Although, if you don't like to fight and wanna swift through levels + explore for treasure, secrets etc without getting hurt, Serve serves you well. Their inertia is infinite, you can run up anything with this little bab.

The difference between strength and skill is that strength is when a character can fight enemies up close and skill is when it's a ranged attack.

Iya and Kipper are next.

Iya has like a lot of health because she has a lot of momentum. She is fast and strong but very careless. if she tries to slow down, she will have to take a moment gradually losing her speed before she stops completely. She just slips in a lot of places and just straight up slides to the enemy. She one hits most of them but she kills them slow and it locks her in place, makes her vulnerable. She relies on her extra health because this girl is made of bricks. When she runs into stuff that can be destroyed, they get shattered easier but if she runs full speed at a wall that does not get destroyed, she gets stunned for three seconds. Iya has extra protection on her noggin since she has horns and mini antlers, she also does not climb walls but she can jump high and run on all fours for a second on the wall.

Kipper on the other hand is a fucking coward but that means he's good at escaping. Unlike Iya who easily gets locked into place, Kipper is always quick to get up. All this poor boy wants is to get out of the situation. He instantly runs on the second speed and if he runs into enemies, they will not get damaged, they will get just stunned because some kid just pushed them. Instead of punching he shrieks, disarming the enemy. Like Serve, he has infinite momentum. his other form of attack is throwing his head but you need to get the head back.

If it's multiplayer and two people play Iya and Kip, they can run into each other to make the Kirby All Star friend wheel. Invincible until jumping/hitting a wall. When the wheel is cancelled, someone will be flung forwards.

Kipper also has a buff in dark rooms because his head glows.

Cobalt is another speed based character. For other characters, you need to hop a little when going towards obstacles and enemies to disarm/destroy them. It's like a little kick for most but you don't need that, he automatically runs over them. He also automatically deals damage if you near him to an enemy. Everyone else needs to be pressed the attack button for them to hit, Cobalt just instinctively attacks. holding down attack button however makes him charge the tazerblade's electric end. He loses momentum after some time so you gotta jump if he's slowing down. He plays out like someone doing parkour. Do not bother with using ranged weapons, he has a 99.8% chance of missing but a .2% of landing a shot with critical damage. Melee is the way with Cobalt.

Morter on the other hand is skill based character. He's really slow and he relies on the Radicus (the cane gun grappling hook thing) because he is old as shit. He can't run, jump high, or climb but he can swing and plunge spiderman style. Aim the grappling hook by pressing attack fast, anchor it somewhere and pull back so Mort can slide or get lifted in the air. hold attack to charge a blast and let go. the hook can also damage enemies, either bring them to you for a melee smacking or throw them away. Remember! He'd rather be a pacifist so his playstyle is more of skimming the levels and exploratory since the Radicus does not have a limit to the length of the hook.

Tastriphe, my lad PK, Kiwiman, Hellspawn Angel or whatever. While he can be one of the fastest people to play as, he's actually strength based. At the start of the level, his speed is average. But when you start attacking, he gains speed depending on how big the kill count combo is. His attacks come in small hits but it's plentiful and quick as fuck. Yes he's like the fastest at full combo but you have to maintain it/ come back from room to room. dealing damage does nothing, you have to make sure the enemy is not moving anymore to add to the count. Kiwi can turn invisible at a certain speed and has an extra life when the health bar depletes. He also has a higher chance of dealing critical hits with any weapon and melee. Tastriphe is OP which is why he has to be achieved the hardest way.

Crossbow is similarly played like Kiwi since they're both assassins but the difference is that Crossbow emphasizes more on skill than speed. She also has a killcount combo that makes her stronger than faster. Crossbow is quick to dodge and jump to avoid getting hurt and she comes with ... a crossbow. Unlike others, she has auto aim and can reshoot enemy projectiles. Everyone else can parry it, maybe even rethrow it to a random direction but Crossbow reuses the projectile and it will try to return to sender like a heat seeker. Keep her moving because she will start to gloat about herself if kept idle, the more idle time she has, the jankier her controls will be because she's overhyping herself.

Crossbow can be achieved by completing the Crank Those Gears portals.

Nodiel and Grit tho. Nodiel has the least health out of anyone in Portals and Parties. His species are just soft like that but his mech and tech makes up for it. Nodiel is a skill based character. He has a mechanical backpack with three arms coming out off it, "nuggets" (small magnetic devices that electrical surges any machine to make it short circuit. can be used on organisms), and a custom made wrench gun. Gun is for regular use, wrench is when you know you fucked up because you are not supposed to let enemies near him. The robot arms do their work of throwing away enemies, auto parrying projectiles, and cushioning falls. Nodiel can run but he never gains any momentum, the arms can climb anything at any speed tho. Nuggets are thrown around by the arms and stunned enemies are one hit by the arms if hit by a nugget.

Then there's Grit. another tank. slightly higher health than Nodiel's because of how raggedy his parts are. His arm is a cannon, two shots most enemies and can be utilized with boosts, jumps, etc. Grit deals damage bumping into stuff.

Him and Nodiel are perfect for co op. It's a matter of save and be saved for them. Grit protects Nodiel and Nodiel can keep repairing Grit. Nodiel can throw Grit up because Grit can't climb on his own. In solo tho, Grit relies on blasting the ground to get up.

Speaking of partners, there's a solo player level mode with the tag team style. So the character you play as will be randomly swapped to someone else mid level. If your character is anyone with a specific partner, instead of swapping out, they join forces. This changes both character's playstyles since they'll be combined to one control. Right now I can only think of Iya and Kipper kicking each other to knock out enemies

I guess that's it lol

anyway, that's Shallow Stares: Portals and Parties so far

[tom-failure]

'Have you ever kissed a guy before me?'

'Yeah. I have.'

'What?! No way! You gotta tell me!'

'Eh, you're not gonna like it. It's a love story.'

'I want to know that about you. I want to know your love stories, too.'

'I can tell you, but it's just gonna make you sad.'

'Try me.'

'Okay, well… it was back when I'd just run away. I was fourteen, but told everyone I was sixteen. Wanted to seem cooler. This guy took a shine to me immediately. I mean, he did need a boy to run his errands, but you gotta admit he kept an eye out for me when no one would. Took me under his wing, taught me to survive on the street. He was nineteen or so, I think, at fourteen you really tend to see that as a seasoned adult. But he was actually seasoned, you know? Hardened by that life. I made a mistake. I fell in love with him. Saw sun play in his hair and the speckles in his eyes. That kinda shit.

We were getting drunk in his garage one night.

He asked me if I was a virgin.

I said yes. God knows why I wanted to be so honest with him.

He laughed. Then he asked if I wanted him to fix that for me.

I asked him, what, without even kissing first? Tried to play tough. Panicked a little, too.

Naïve.

Then he kissed me. Just like that. Properly, with tongue and all. And then said, well, now you have no excuse.

And I thought, he's right. I don't.'

'So…'

'Yeah.'

…

'Was it… good? No, sorry, that's…'

'Not really. It kinda hurt. Did nothing for me. I thought it would be… different. When you love somebody, isn't it supposed to be like heaven? I tried to learn to like it. Thought it was acquired taste. Never got used to it, to be honest. But, well… sometimes he kissed me during and after. That did something for me. I was stupid. I wanted it. Thought it made me hella grown-up. Thought it was worth it to bear it a few minutes, if it was for someone I loved. Really, I was so braindead, can you believe it? I don't know how I didn't catch anything… well, anything too serious anyway. But I say that often, don't I? That I lucked out. You, don't do that. The first rule, Yoosungie, is to always use protection. Take it from me, I oughta know.

Anyways. One night I saw him with that girl… she was one of the delinquents, like us. Like a year older than him, too. She would try to squish my cheeks whenever she saw me.

He was… kissing her. You know, with the ass grabbing, and the cheek cupping, all that… "romantic" stuff. Like in movies. I'd wanted that. I would beg for that. And even if I got that, it was always 'be quiet so no one hears', always sneaking around, at the back of his garage, at some nooks and crannies where no one would know. Nah, I knew why that was, I wasn't that stupid. I knew I could never be his prince on the roaring black horse. But still… where I had to beg and sneak, she was getting what I was working like hell for, right there, on the corner, for all to see. I think he even pressed her to the wall, and she even told him to stop, but he kept at it. And in my stupid head it was like: she doesn't have to ask, and she doesn't even want it, but she gets it, and I don't? How am I worse than her?

I waited for him by his garage. Don't think he was surprised to see me. I always followed him, like a duckling. He let me in. Thought he knew why I was there. And I made another mistake. I asked him, what was that all about? With that girl? I thought you weren't really into all that kissing business?

That's what he told me, you see. That it wasn't really his bag. That it's just girls that like it.

I'd never seen him that scary. I was still growing back then, about your height, I think. Maybe a little taller. He took that step at me, and I was looking him right here, he had a tattoo there, said something like 'Freedom without bounds'. I was a tough kid. Even if romantic. Looked up at him. Into his fuckin eyes.

He said, who do you think you are.

I said, I'm the guy you do right here twice a week give or take. Said, do that mean nothing to you. I thought we had something going on.

He laughed. Ugly.

Said, oh, is that what you thought, kiddo. Well, all that's going on is that so-and-so is my girlfriend. And you better get me some of that fancy new beer from the corner store first thing tomorrow. For me and my queen. I don't want to show up on my date all dishevelled.

Guess that was my first heartbreak. You know. So many firsts with him.

I was getting real mad. I said, well, what if I went and ran my mouth real loud about what you do when no one's looking?

And he laughed even louder, leaned in right here in my face, got spit all over me. Said, and what do you think they'll do? When a fresh piece of ass goes to them and tells them it's all nice and loose for them? Then got all serious and told me, get lost. If I see you again, will beat your nose in. Your mama and dada will have nothing to identify.

Kicked me in the stomach, picked me by the scruff, like a shitty cat, and threw me out.

That night… I found one of those back corners where he used to do me. I felt an awful lot like crying, but that just made me madder. I wanted to be a man, you know. To be strong. I just balled my fists and hit the wall. Time and time again. It got bloody real fast. Hurt. But I had to get it out of my system.

He never helped me again. But he'd already done all he could for me back then. Taught me to survive, the hard way. I stuck with other guys. Drifted from ones to others, then got accepted, got better at what they do.

And then kind of decided that was not the life. When I got someone caring for me.

And here I am.

…what?'

'That wasn't a love story.'

'I told you you wouldn't like it… aw shit, look at you, now I made you cry. Shit.'

'I don't get why you are so calm about it. You're supposed to be mad, why are you telling me this like it's okay? Like it's something that just… happens?'

'Because it does just happen, Yoosungie.'

'You… you were fourteen! You wanted to be kissed! Loved! And he… He…! For kisses… just for damn kisses…'

'Don't say it like that. Please. I was just stupid, I wanted it. I know it was fucked up. But it was all my fault. Please.'

'No it wasn't!'

'Yoosung…'

'It wasn't "your fault", you were fourteen, Zen, for god's sake! And you just talk about it like this, and call it a 'love story'?! The way he used you like a, a, a… a thing?! Like it's okay?!'

'It is okay. And if it's not… aw shit, no-no-no, I don't need that right now.

Shit. I knew it would end like this. C'me here.'

'Don't touch me. Stop making this all about me. It's about you! Why aren't you mad?! He used you, he just used your body without a care for what you wanted or liked, you know what that's called? Why the hell aren't you mad?!'

'No. He didn't. Stop. Stop. Stop. Shut up. Shut up.'

'Why aren't you mad?! You're supposed to be mad!'

'I don't need this right now.

I don't need this right now. I don't need this right now. I don't need this right now. I don't need. I don't need. Don't need…'

…

'Don't do that… please… I'm sorry. I made it all about me, I said all the wrong things… forgive me…'

'…'

'I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry. So sorry…'

'It's okay. I think… I wanted to tell you.'

'I did everything wrong… I wanted you to be able to be fully yourself with me… I wanted you to trust me. And look at how I reacted…'

'Well, and I didn't really hold my tongue either, did I? Maybe I was hoping you'd be that way. Maybe I needed someone to tell me just how fucked up it was.

You know… this isn't really the worst thing that's happened to me. But about that other stuff… I'm not sure I'll even be able to talk. Not yet.'

'You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.'

'I… I want to. I just can't. Yet.

I… want you to know all those things about me. I think you'll understand. Maybe you're the only one who can understand, really. Maybe you understand better than I do.'

'Zen…'

'…'

'I… I'll try to earn your trust. If you let me… I'll ask how bad it is beforehand… I'll be prepared…'

'No need. You know… I like you for the way you are. With all these opinions of yours. I told you. That way you see things, your outlook. I think… I need it. I need you the way you are. I need you to look at me and tell me what you think. Honestly, like you can.'

'I'll try. I promise.'

…

'I love you.'

[theyarebothgunshot]

Have you shown your mom this weekends shenanigans yet? I know she has perceived in the past….

Also, I feel like some people are trying to “explain” the boyfriend comment away (which either way still points to cule so idk what the reasons behind that would be) But for real, the man already exposed his 🐻pants on stage and then later got a 🍆 on that same stage so honestly what’s a little innuendo about their relationship going to hurt?

But the denial just makes my sheer unadulterated glee more profound. Anyway, my boss told me to take today off because we were waiting on some other stuff- and while I should be running errands, or doing taxes…I’m going to rewatch the panel and all the gifs again and just SQUEAL

🦤

no not yet lmao i only see my parents once a week on average but we are also watching buffy atm so idk when/if i will have the time to show her this panel, though i do think she'd love it!

i am jealous you had time off, i am very mad i have to be a responsible adult atm :')

[evansbby]

Omg yeah I don’t even think I thought of him killing her because I was so devastated with the last segment of the book, but you’re so right. I’m sorry if I’m a little fuzzy on the details lol, I literally read it right when it came out because I saw that it had dropped (so 2 years ago now I think…)

But yes, idk like I read the book many years after I had read the Hunger Games, so the monstrosity of Snow wasn’t as fresh in my mind (all I had memories of was the blood roses and his weird threats to Katniss, and obviously yeah his whole endorsement of Panem and the Hunger Games). But it was endlessly fascinating to get the backstory of all of that, how any of this had started, how his family was one of the destitute elites clinging to symbols of wealth to keep their reputation as an old money/power family. I guess seeing him as a child and then young adult made me see the pressures that he was under, growing up in a society that prioritized and rewarded grit, defining it as this winning quality that was pretty much comprised of always choosing yourself, keeping up appearances, and sacrificing other people out of necessity (but at what point do they realize they’re doing it out of a sick joy, not reluctance).

So yeah, those moments with Lucy, I completely agree, I don’t remember the specifics, but I remember thinking that this person hardened by the world he grew up in was inexplicably drawn to the light of a person who insisted on being herself, optimistic and eccentric and weird and a songbird in a world where evil and cruelty and being cutthroat was celebrated. She was the antidote to that society, and in all their moments together, I couldn’t help but hope that somehow she would change him, because they were so clearly in love. I almost put the fact that I knew how he ended up in the back of my mind, and let myself fall in love with their love. So yeah, when that scene happened and he left her behind…… idk but it literally felt like some piece of my heart breaking off and shattering in my chest. It was all these pinpricks of hope that love would be enough, her love and innate goodness would heal him and break apart the stirring seeds of malevolence in his heart. But obviously, it was never going to be enough. That book genuinely messed my heart up lol, sent me back to being like love is truly dead lmao (I’m better now)

Anyways I did not mean to turn this into a long ass review but I am so fucking excited you read this book!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I was so hype when I read it when it came out and so upset because literally no one was talking about it like where were all the hunger games fans????????? And I texted my friends about Lucy and snow and the heartbreak and recommended it to them but they didn’t read it so anyways I’ve literally been saving up this angst and have yet to organically come across a single person who even knows about this book. It hits different and it’s amazing and I’m done now and sorry for throwing this unhingedness in your inbox 🫠

majorly agree with all of this! and im still reeling from the book tbh, like there’s sooo much i wanna add to this but I just can’t find the words! I too have no one to talk to about this! None of my closest friends are readers! And exactly, the fact that Snow’s love was NEVER going to be enough and we as the reader know this is just… wow. I really really wanted him to change, be better. In the end, I wanted Lucy Gray to somehow outsmart him, get the best of him. Well, she didn’t but at least she found out the truth about him before she died. And you’re right about the feeling of your heart shattering… like I was reading it in a Starbucks bc I was running errands and I didn’t have the patience to go home and when I finished it I literally just sat there staring into space. That last scene by the lake haunts me. How Snow just… betrayed and left behind and killed the two people who loved him most: Sejanus and especially Lucy Gray. HE LOVED HER. But it wasn’t a pure love and it wasn’t enough 😭❤️

[wishing2badoll]

Gonna go get my nails redone, may go see if I can get fit in for a deep conditioning hair treatment today, and also go to an adult store and get a new vibe so I can edge. The motor ran out on mine again. Ugh 😩 and may need to get more batteries as well. And some blunt raps tho I am almost outta smoke. I miss having a connection where I got big bags and all I had to do was give a bj or let him get his dick wet in me and the smoke was mine and when I needed more I’d hit him up. But he fell off the face of the earth. Never did know what happened to him. But anyways gotta run a few errands. Hehe 😉

[forehead451]

crazy to me... it was always about control.

it was the day before my dads birthday. my parents were out on saturday like they always are and they often come home late in the evening. my sisters room was closed with curtains drawn so thats always the signal to leave her alone bc she works irregular hours often going to bed in the early morning or even midday. im not going to disturb her. its understood to assume she's sleeping unless she leaves her room.

its the mid afternoon, i head out to run errands and get my dads birthday gifts and card, flowers, etc. i eventually end up at Walmart bc it closes late. its after sunset atp but still nothing unusual. my mom called me while i was shopping earlier. she knows im at walmart doing birthday things for my dad.

now its almost 10pm. ive been relaxing in solitude in the car in parking lots in between stops. just enjoying my time away from the house bc i so rarely LEAVE.

i get a message from my sister.

now me being the frenzied shopper/low self-esteem sister who was feeling shitty bc had spoken too much about not liking my job at a dinner party a few nights before, immediately read her initial message as "*stop* telling people where you're headed as an adult. so nobody has to ask [further questions about why im unhappy/ungrateful]. it's rude and inconsiderate. because you're part of a household [meaning we're supporting you while you sit there complaining about your life and you reflect badly on us]".

im like "damn. you right, im not gonna fight you for the millionth time this month. i am ungrateful and immature."

then she follows with "act right dad is sad". dad.. is sad?? why? hes not usually one to take that kind of thing seriously or to heart... have i really let him down so badly???

then my working brain finally kicks in to read what she's actually saying. START telling people where im going. like an adult. okay, going where? why? to WHO?? the empty house?? am i to send a message in the groupchat to people who are 1) often asleep and unconcerned and 2) not home and won't read it til they get home plus usually id be back before theyd notice anyway? why would i do that.

so turns out its just my dad thinking I'm being murdered bc im out past sundown but just wants to whine about it and enjoy being dramatic instead of just asking. bc i am a call away. bc he's not actually worried, he just wishes i was hanging out with him.

so i tell her mom knows where i am and she says oh feeling dumb then comes back again to hammer home her righteous point:

here's the real issue she has with this situation:

shes pissed bc she thinks im out in the city with my friends and gone for the night or the weekend or whatever and not at home working with her when what's ACTUALLY happening is me doing mundane errands at the plaza less than ten minutes away as i ALWAYS AM and thinking about our dads birthday the next day. she's pissed that she thought i was having fun without her permission and the lack of control over me made her livid.

you cannot tell from these texts but i know how she types and what she'd think was even worthy to waste time talking or messaging about. and to be made wrong or having me stand by my actions, she is PISSED.

it really seems so banal but im telling you. its such a perfect example of how much she hated not having a say in what i did and how long and when after half a year of it. it really sent chills down my spine while also making my blood boil right back.

it scares me how much a switch was flipped the moment she realized she was losing control over me. she couldn't scream or scare or shame me into fucking anything.

[timeoverload]

I have had sort of a productive day so far. I got up early despite being up late last night. I was having stressful dreams so that woke me up. I took a shower and got dressed. I took out 2 bags of trash. It's still a mess in here and I don't think it's ever going to get better. I had to run some errands and I took a short drive after that. I wanted to go out before it got too hot outside. I had to sit back down when I got home because my back hurts.

I didn't do much yesterday since I felt like I got hit by a truck. I did find a computer for my grandma. It was supposed to be here today but it got delayed. It should be here by tomorrow. I don't know how long it is going to take me to set it up. I want to make it easy for her to use. I might have to wait until Monday night after work to take it to her. I know I'm going to be tired but I want her to be happy. She is very excited about it.

I don't know if I am going to be able to do much else today even though I want to. I want to do something fun. I want to go swimming because it has been 4 or 5 years now. I'm not a great swimmer but I just want to be in the water. It's too hot to do anything else. I don't think I have a swimsuit. If I do, it's buried somewhere. I might have to get one in case I actually get to do that this year.

Anyway, I guess I'm going to relax now. I don't have much to say about myself because I am boring. I wish I was more exciting. I hope I can try to enjoy my day.

I hope everyone else has a good day too. 💖💖💖

Maxwell, I sort of feel like you are sending me mixed signals. I think you might be confused. I don't think it's healthy for you to view your loneliness that way. You are sabotaging yourself and that sort of attitude is hindering your growth. Humans need social interaction. Did someone in your life make you feel like you are supposed to be alone forever? Just because you spent the majority of your life by yourself, doesn't mean that it's normal. Someone clearly traumatized you and I hate them for that. I feel like they stole you away from me and you won't let me in now because they treated you terribly. I am sorry that happened to you and it makes me sad. You don't need to punish yourself.

You say that your loneliness doesn't scare you enough to change anything. Is that really true? Do you enjoy feeling sad all the time? Why don't you want to be happy? Are you saying that you just want to give up now? Why don't you want to experience new things? Do you really want to go through the same monotonous routine forever? Doesn't that get old? Are you saying that you don't want to have a family? When you say things like that, it makes me feel like you would rather be alone than spend time with me. It makes me feel like you would be content if you lost me.

What is so great about being by yourself all the time? There's nothing wrong with wanting to be by yourself sometimes but you shouldn't feel that way constantly. It hurts me a lot because you are my best friend and I want to spend time with you. I love spending time with you. You aren't just hurting yourself by isolating yourself, you are hurting all of the people who care about you. Doesn't that bother you?

Do you think about the example you are setting for your son? I am not trying to offend you by asking that question. I don't really know much about him but I do worry about him. I think that if he sees his dad alone all the time, he is going to grow up and think that is normal. I am not sure how often you have friends around or if you are by yourself when you are with him. I don't know if he lives with you all the time. I guess I don't really understand your family dynamic so it's probably not good for me to make assumptions. I am not being critical of your parenting at all.

I just think that it is important for children to be surrounded by adults with healthy relationships. They need exposure to that. I know that would have helped me when I was younger. I think the reason my siblings are the way that they are is because they didn't have experience being around anyone with healthy relationships. The only people that I spent time with that had a healthy marriage were my grandparents. I learned a lot about love from them. I understand that it is difficult to break the cycle but you should try.

Do you realize that you aren't really alone? You are not alone. You have so many people around you that care about you and are looking out for you. You are loved. You and I have basically been dating for years in a weird way and you don't seem to realize that. I haven't given up on you and I'm never going to. I am always here. I care about you so much and I hate seeing you like this. I want you to be happy.

I'm not going to leave you unless I die. If it's possible, I will probably still pester you after I'm dead. Death is inevitable but it shouldn't stop you from living. We only get one life and it is precious. It is a gift and it should not be wasted. You are still young and you have plenty of time to do the things you never got to do, but that doesn't mean you should drag your feet. You can't mope around forever or you will regret it.

If you really want something, you need to go for it. If you can open your heart and let people get closer to you, you could have everything you ever wanted. It's really that simple. Your life would change completely for the better. You don't have to keep living like this. You need to let go of your fears. I promise it will be worth it. I hope you will think about some of the things I said. I don't want to upset you or stress you out. I wish I could hug you and make it all better. I really want things to improve for you. I love you sooo much and I always will. 💖💖💖

[kittyfairyblog]

Jan 3 2024

Hi all. I am back to make another blog post. Yesterday was a busy day for me. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and we my mom and I went out to run some errands. It was a busy day. Today however it is basically a normal every day kind of day even though I started off sort of an hour early today. I woke up early because there was a UPS package delivery and after I got that package inside, I didn't really feel like going back to bed. So I just got up. Right now I am charging my smart watch. I wear my smart watch so many times that right now with it off charging it feels odd. Meow right now it is under 40 degrees here in Georgia USA. Nya this neko boy is going to see if I can start this year off doing different things. I again am interested in doing dance Ballet. I know I haven't done it and I am really intrigued. I talked to my mom last night about it. I found a center here in town that does Adult Ballet for beginners. Meow it is rather cloudy outside and I had to turn on the living room light. My mom is next door babysitting my niece and nephews while my sister is off at work. Nya this neko boy is in the living room. Oh on the 16th of this month I have surgery to remove my gallbladder. I just found out yesterday I was going to have the surgery on that date. Monday I had to cut a little time out of my time walking Kylie outside because of neighborhood kids were playing, plus Kylie our dog isn't such a level headed dog when it comes to strangers. I have been listening for a while now since December of last year a JPOP group called Scandal. They are an all girl group from Japan. They are more rock than pop. Anyway I don't have much else to talk about. Hopefully crossing my fingers that the surgery to remove my gallbladder goes well and that maybe maybe I start doing ballet. Meow. Well that's it for now.