#anyway i can speak about an art related thing that happened that influenced me and this hiatus

[kuro-ayameart]

This blog is on hiatus. I could come back to post in a day, a month or never, I don't know.

Info: Asks and messages will be active and at some point I will make a post about a jjk zine I was in. That's all.

[madelynhimegami]

About twenty years ago (probably closer to nineteen), I finished my playthrough of Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life.

This morning, I finished my (first?) playthrough of the A Wonderful Life remake.

Well before I finished, I decided I wanted to make a post talking about it, giving my general thoughts on it. And I'll probably just end up rambling. Who knows if it's at all interesting to people but. Here goes.

Being able to save and load anywhere at any time is such a game changer. Holy moly. Even though I didn't really have to do a whole lot of reloading (except where fishing requests were concerned). But it still felt very good to have.

On a related note, the remake is so transparent about its mechanics, it's amazing. I know that AnWL already had some tranparency added to it (especially wrt your kid), but just. Having as much info as the remake gives you, at all times, is nuts. Makes things so much easier to finagle around.

Likewise, thank god for automatically recording cooking recipes. It was already practically impossible to remember how to make anything in the GCN games. The fact that the Harvest Sprites gave you a new recipe every day also helped. As did telling you when your cooking skill levelled up, because the GCN games didn't tell you anything.

Characters actually sound distinct now! The thing about mediocre localizations is that you don't know what you're missing out on until you get a good localization. And wow, the amount of personality shown by having characters speak differently adds a shocking amount.

Even with all of the QOL updates... the main thing that makes me never wanna touch the GCN games again is that they're a lot less bugged. I once again blame the old localization.

(you think there's weird stuff going on in the remake. you have no idea.)

That being said, aside from being able to select your pronouns at the start of the game, the cast (including yourself) don't really do much of anything to gender you. AnWL gave me so much gender euphoria before I even knew what it was. (Not to mention the FoMT remake set the bar for being gay in a way that AWL is set up couldn't really replicate). So... who knows. Maybe I'll end up replaying it someday anyway.

Granted, I say that, but as I was typing that sentence I thought about how the event for giving your toddler a bath was broken so that you could not give him one. Instead of a Yes/No prompt the game just said "Several days later..." and then continued like you had said no. Maddening.

Nuts to it, someone just give me an annotated textdump.

After so much hemming and hawing about who to marry in the remake, I ended up just marrying Nami again. One part autistic lesb solidarity, one part her kid being so goshdang powerful. Either way, I joked about how nothing about me had changed in twenty years.

Once I got to chapter two, I started screencapping like crazy. Got almost 400 of them on my switch now. I just wanted to note everything I could about what my darling baby girl was doing throughout her life. Also my wife.

In my original playthrough, even though I tried to influence my son into either art or academics, he ended up becoming a farmer. But then again, I also didn't understand how to influence him optimally. Which sounds awful out of context. Oh well, at least his life was mostly organic.

I managed to get my daughter into academics before chapter two ended. Probably the most interesting thing that happened was how her dialogue changed. She started reciting her ABC's to herself, and mumbled about books, and said that gemstones were like puzzle peices. It was darling.

Since I've only played the entire game with Nami's child, though, I do wanna replay the game just so that I can see what a different kid is like.

Problem is, it just brings back the marriage problem. And the child career problem, because even if I marry Muffy, like hell will I raise an athlete (but I don't want scholar again... but also if they're an artist they run away from home after the game ends, which is kinda messed up).

A lot of people in the village make comments about how air conditioning isn't good for people's health. They did that in the original game too, if memory serves, but it's still weird. Is this a thing in Japan, or was the person that wrote those parts of the dialogue have a vendetta of some kind?

This is another thing that I know got changed in AnWL, but I'm still so glad that chapters are only one in-game year long. There's a special kind of pain to get to the end of the year, only to learn there's more you need to play before you see your kid get older.

Despite that, I still got a whole lot done, to the point that I spent most of the last two years just idling because I had nothing else to do. Same way I got to the endgame of the original, come to think of it.

I never bought the teddybear. I wasn't gonna do it when my daughter was a teen by the time I had the money. I'm not that dumb. Doesn't do anything but be spoopy anyhow.

I seem to remember the seed maker being instant in the GCN game. If it was, it got seriously debuffed in the remake-- you can only put up to twelve crops in at a time, and it takes 20 in-game hours for the seeds to be produced. Obviously meant to balance how absurdly high tree seeds could be sold for, but the prices were already slashed to pieces, so it was just overkill and made it hard to keep up with what crops I did or didn't have seeds for.

I genuinely hope I never have to make nine of each rare crop again. I mean, technically I never had to anyway, but I did and it was so much pain.

Cows are absurdly expensive in the remake. I guess it's to balance the fact that there's no limit on how long cows can be milked, but

here's the dirty secret

If you have a cow and a bull, they'll mate on their own without you needing to order for it. My cows in the GCN games were constantly getting pregnant. Anyone who complains about cows going dry was doing it wrong.

Sheep are significantly more affordable, though. So I ended up getting mostly those instead.

That being said, a star/brown/marble cow giving S Milk (and the latter two getting their milk processed into butter and cheese respectively) does give you more profit than golden wool does... until you get the Blessed Clippers and you start getting two bundles of wool per sheep (which is insane). But wowie are they expensive...

My new personal hell is having a dozen sheep following me around to scream at me. Did they do that in the original(s)? I never bothered with them....

I'm still sad Flora's not a marriage candidate.

As I mentioned, I was basically without anything to do by the end of the game. Which makes the infinite postgame chapter's existence kinda funny? I don't know what else I'd want to do with that, since as far as I've been able to tell nobody has new dialogue.

No really. I can't even 100% the game anymore because Van stops selling goats, I have over 5 million G, I've grown each one of every plant, caught every fish, dug up all the digsite items, and have all in-game achievements. What would I wanna keep playing for?

Also, why isn't Nina in said postgame chapter? If it's the afterlife anyway, then she should be there too, dangit!

I still don't understand why the dog is trainable.

The player's child is so adorable. I love my daughter so much, she's such a sweetheart.

Wish her self-esteem wasn't so low from chapter 3 onwards, though... another reason to see the game married to somebody else.

I am so grateful there's no friendship decay for the villagers.

What a great game.

And now, some of me rambling about my history with the series:

I don't know what drew me to the original AWL game. All I knew is that there was coverage of it in an issue of Nintendo Power, and I just kept reading and re-reading it. I had a couple friends that swore by the HM games (in particular, 64 and StHL), but beyond that I guess something about it intrigued me to the point that it became a game I really wanted. Had a plan of how I would run the farm and who I'd marry. And counted the days before I finally got it (must've been a birthday or Christmas present).

And I played through it, beginning to end. Despite my brother scorning it. Despite one of the friends that swore by HM64 thinking it was such a watered down derivative it made him laugh several times even as he tried playing it himself.

I also got the girl version when it came out. Don't remember how I afforded it, but I remember that I was too embarrassed by wanting it to let anyone know I did get it but myself. Never managed to finish it, but boy howdy did it have a lot of gender euphoria. I got to be a mom.

...I tried other HM games since. I got Magical Melody (which I recall using Action Replay to turn my player character into a girl that make perfect sense to me now but I don't know what I had been thinking at the time), but dropped it shortly after my wife started expecting.

I got both versions of HMDS (mermaid wife yes please), but only stuck with them for about two or three in-game years each.

I got Isle of Happiness, but honestly the fact that every item had decay to it stressed me to the point I couldn't play without Action Replay codes to keep everything top quality and freshness forever-- and even then the crap you gotta juggle is crazy. Played long enough to marry the Witch though, so that ruled.

I got Hero of Leaf Valley, and that one I actually stuck through to the end (including forgetting how many zeros were in fifty thousand and ended up raising up half a million G before the second year's end), but got too paralyzed with indecision on who to marry (it was mainly between Gwen and Aurelia, since I read that Alice couldn't be raised to red heart after the credits. Game seemed to have thought I had my sights set on Lyla, though).

I tried Rune Factory 4... but something about it just didn't vibe with me so I bounced early.

Every now and then, I thought about going back to A(n)WL, or maybe trying a different one. Never did, though. And Stardew or other inspired's didn't ever really grab me.

And yet I inhaled the chance to play the AWL remake when the time came. And now I've finished it. Go figure. I'm still not sure what it is about that game specifically that calls to me.

I think the amount of interactability with your kid is a big factor, though.

[1ddotdhq]

😷 Sat 14 Nov ‘20 🎨

Well heellllooo, Louis! Is your instagram timeline blowing up? Mine sure is! After yesterday’s surprise Vogue announcements we got all sorts of Instagram action: BTS shots of Harry and Gemma, Anne (Twist) liking fan edits of the shoot, Lottie liking Gemma’s picture (not Harry’s though!) and a bunch of Louis’s band members liking Harry’s pictures. Louis, of course, acted like nothing was happening - he did not see it, nope nope, except! Oh yeah! He popped up today and posted an old picture of him onstage in Mexico City last year (taken by Charlie Lightening, who then posted the uncropped version of the same pic) and said, “it’s going to be special when we’re back to it”. And you know what? I really, really think it is: he’s given every indication (including this one!) that he plans for his tour to be a turning point, and there is some hope now that it may happen sooner rather than later. See you there, Louis! As for Vogue, they released a podcast version of Harry's interview but it's not recordings of Harry- it's the writer reading their piece out loud. And popular discussion of the piece brought us ice cold takes such as 'not everyone can risk playing with gender in public so no one should' and also 'other people have done this before Harry so therefore how dare he'. Okay!! As for acknowledging /crediting those people though-- well. This was an interview with a writer who made a real effort to make him look Very Straight even while being forced to relate that what Harry was actually doing was quoting Wilde, singing Abba songs about wanting a man, speaking with a campy affectation and, yes, participating in a groundbreaking (in its reach) gender bending photoshoot; is it really surprising that it doesn't include a section of him naming his queer influences? Harry proceeds as he has done for many many years now, since the bears and before- he says one thing with his words, then talks about queer history through visuals, such as his clothing. So saying that he needs to take certain steps before he's allowed to do certain things... well it's just not the way he communicates? That said, he has been name dropping influences more and more in recent years, and I too hope that list will grow to include some WOC, and the arc of Harry history inclines towards more gayness on main with every passing day, so while he can't and shouldn't be rushed I think it's safe to say we have more explicit acknowledgement to look forward to, though Harry will always be himself and he does not tend to explain himself with words. Anyway uh, also Liam is also making rounds on Insta today - he posted a watercolor wall with a red Vespa, which was lovely and would fit very well in any watercolor landscape exhibit. Maybe we will see his art in one at sometime in the future!

Niall is...sigh. Okay. Niall is in LA, seemingly working on music, appearing on songwriter Ryan Tedder’s instagram story in his LA studio with other writers Jkash and Blake Slatkin. NH3! Is Happening!! Right now!!! And Niall has said all year how much he wanted to be back in LA so that's just great for him I guess. BUT... in the story he and the others are laughing and twerking and definitely not isolating the way you are meant to when you have traveled internationally; even worse, the whole post is a joke ABOUT the fact that they aren't quarantining captioned ‘COVID PROTOCOL'. As someone who is LUCKY to have 'only' been knocked out and miserable with this virus for two weeks (so far) rather than being in the hospital dying or losing a loved one: fuck off. It’s not a funny joke, and it’s not acceptable to behave like children who are daring their parents to get them into trouble. If you must travel, do the right thing and quarantine, and, above all, understand that this is real, and it isn’t something you want to catch. Trust me on this.

[shyrose57]

Its me da Brothers au anon back again. I reblogged your post with the link to the story because I think that was easier than linking it in a ask! (I dont think links work in asks?)

I personally think while Porkius isn't the best king by far, he also isnt the worse. And he makes sure to treat the group with some respect and treats them like humans instead of mindless fighters, giving them what they need and taking certain things into consideration (Like Ran's inability to touch water). But because he's not perfect he also tends to hold him to high expectations and is sometimes seen as rude, mean, and uninterested in them. So a friendly boss-coworker relationship is the best way to describe it probably.

Grievous is Sapnaps character! But as far as I know there where no hints about any characters being related to people like Sapnap, Ranboo, Punz, etc. So Grievous is completely different from Sapnap, more hesitant and shy at times, but confident and kind. At first the friendship is slow and seems like it may just fall apart, but it doesn't to their surprise, and its when conversations between the 4 are even going on beyond battles and training they get closer.

Again taking inspiration from a lighthouse is waiting for me, as of now Karl went back in time and saved the fishers, dropping them infront of Ranbob to make their own decision. They keep him in prison for a while until Benjamin starts to suspect something is off, and moves him as far from the Dream room and the closest possible to the surface, where Ranbob starts to act differently. Eventually as Ranbob gets better and they eventually, reluctantly trust him, they decide to move to the fishers shack, even after Cletus and Isaac repeatedly say they want to stay in Mizu but Benjamin and Charles said being so close could set Ranbob back. Ranbob does not become a fisher man, instead he hangs around and tries multiple different things (repair work, cooking, arts and craft, etc) in an attempt to find who he is again and what he's good at.

I imagine a part of Dream somehow managed to latch onto his mask, not enough to have a own body and mind, but enough to get into vulnerable enough peoples mind to manipulation them. And after multiple disasters, and lettibg his mentor down, Ranbob became depressed and desperate for a way to make it all right. And that how Ranbob became so heavily influenced by Dreams remaining presence.

TW FOR BEATING BTW!

When the battle begins Ranbob desperately calls for it to be stopped and that he forfeits, but Porkius and Ran refuse to let him leave without a fight. At first Ran attacks Ranbob, but he lets Ranbob fight back. And makes a show of him dogding and countering attacks, making it known they are truly better than Ranbob in fighting and will win no matter what Ranbob does. Porkius thinks its fine and doesn't notice that Ran is striking to kill (as according to the Tales people are only knocked unconscious in the arena and not killed), until Ran picks up Ranbob and throws him against one of the rocks in the arena, where he starts to beat him and throw him more against the rock. Then Porkius hastily calls off the match and sends people in to grab Ran.

Ok TW gone

I headcanon Ranbob as being less than 25% enderman, not being able to teleport and only sometimes being allowed to pick up blocks.

While I headcanon Ran as being about 70% enderman. Which is very rare. And due to this percentage he is able to teleport (which is highly rare for enderman hybrids, as typically their other side/human side can't handle the teleportation) although sometimes he can't fully control where he goes), pick up blocks, and fluently speak enderman and make noises.

And no, Ran does not recognize Jackie as looking similar to Tubbo. Ran doesnt have the clearest memory of Mizu, only remembering certain moments. One of the things he doesng remember is the paintings/pictures, he knows there are rooms dedicated to multiple Ancestors, but forgot that said rooms tend to have paintings/pictures of the Ancestors. I hope that's what you mean by the last part anyway?

Hello again! And thank you for the link, I’m excited to read it, the summary makes it seem pretty cool.

Okay, so fairly okay King Porkius, even if they aren’t the closest, got it.

Glad I got Grievous right, there. He seems to have an interesting personality. I’m curious about everyone else’s personalities here as well, given certain circumstances, and the bits we got from them. 

They become fairly close, huh? That’s nice. Is there anyone who’s particularly close? Watson and Ran seemed to know each other somewhat. And what’s their relationship with the other fighters from the Pit? If nobody died, then I imagine the others are still around. Do they talk or fight with them occasionally?

So Karl saved the fishermen, and they kept him in a prisoner? Where? In Mizu, I’m assuming from what you said, but did they keep in a room or something? And since you said Benjamin noticed something was off, was he able to sense something, or is he just observant? 

How do they deal with the Dream mask? Or is that a plot point for later? Do they even figure out that’s what was influencing Ranbob, or just know it’s something in Mizu?

Ranbob’s just kind of learning new stuff, seems like it might come in handy. Maybe he can sew or something? Cletus and Isaac could explore Mizu more, on their own? Or would that make them vulnerable to the mask as well?

Speaking of, how is life with the fisherman, like around the house? Are they fairly well-off, or having some trouble with the new addition? Who’s closest to Ranbob?

And, uh, oof. I can imagine that’s a whole mess to deal with. Not only are the fishers getting themselves involved, but the gladiator gang is probably shocked at what happened. First impressions are less than great, I bet. How does Ran feel once he calms down a bit? And what’s everyone’s reactions to discovering their brothers, on both sides? Since the gang would hear that Ranbob killed hundreds, and the fishermen would realize Ran didn’t know what had been happening to his brother. 

Now, the brothers’ different abilities are interesting, and I’m curious as to how it would effect their battle styles. Are they the only hybrids of their respective groups, or are there others?

And I believe there was a picture of the original L’manberg crew in the Clingy Duo room? Do Ranbob or one of the fisherman recognize how much Jackie looks like Tubbo? Does it confuse them, or do they brush it off?

Poor Ranbob. Is he hurt badly? I imagine he’ll need some sort of medical attention, which gives the two groups an opportunity to talk. Do the fishermen stick around, or leave after that shocking display?

[metvmorqhoses]

I saw your original answer to my reply and wondered why you deleted it and responded with a much shorter and perhaps untrue response. I only say untrue as you said, "I find the concept and need of sharing spiritual beliefs outside ourselves one of the lowest aspects of human culture tbh." which could be true but I'm not sure you really believe it. If only because if people never shared their beliefs there would never be mythology. Part 2 coming.

Part 2: As for what captured my interest in your blog, I originally found it by searching up Apollo and Artemis relations, and found your input on the mythos interesting. You may publish my questions as you wish or reply to me via messenger. Either is fine. Peace for now.

*** *** ***

actually my two answers meant pretty much the same, i merely rephrased in a form that, after a bit of thought, felt truer to what i wanted to share. i now see that probably my second version could be easier to misunderstand and rather obscure, as short sentences often are.

you asked at the same time a really personal and a tragically hard philosophical question, moreover to someone who focused her studies precisely on those subjects and that is therefore inclined to delve deeper.

when you ask me about my "beliefs" or "religion", i am wildly tempted to ask you in return what "spiritual beliefs" and "religion" even are. what i intend for them is probably hardly similar to anything you might intend for them, as i think should happen to anyone with real spiritual sentiments anyway. how can you even begin to understand what i think, if we don't even agree about what we are talking about? a settled, static, scientific definition of human religious impulses to this day is yet to be found. in this field, scientifically speaking, everything is a matter of opinions, and on a personal level... well, obviously it should be even more so.

and so to answer you i both needed a dissertation and to do exactly what i truly dislike, wearing the intimate as a plume of the hat.

it's actually funny you mentioned mythology anyhow. you see, there's a huge difference between the making of a religion, the dynamism, the life of it (indeed a form of sharing, but fundamentally a process that, in my opinion, was principally an artistic act at its truest core), and in people ruminating on the same "artistic products that long ago somehow turned into something more and that belonged to someone else" over and over again, marrying a cookie-cutter version of them and obsessing over it, declaiming truths their different minds and cultures have twisted or anyway could hardly understand without scholar-level education (let alone feel, as something like that should be felt), ending up not even really knowing what their religions are even truly about, wearing them as badges of honor, fighting over them as one fights over a football match, weaponizing them to support agendas and propaganda... you know, the usual stuff.

at some point in history religions ceased to be a matter of that resided in the individual hearts of hearts, becoming an easily sold product for the multitudes. the majority of religions are a masses-ready to consume echoes of other people’s emotions and dreams - and those are intimate things, unspeakable and unsheareable, at least not as one can share a sentiment about a netflix show or the weather.

religion started to be so simplified in classical times and, funnily enough, those were the times in which also people actually began to question the existence of godhood (socrates, plato). but even they weren’t participating to their own religions anymore, they were merely retelling, and academically, what the ancients had created.

mythology, ancient religions (that actually are still our major religions today by the way), are believed to have started as stories, orally told. a creative act, that then became a higher form of art and maybe a higher form of sentiment. what came first, the art or the belief the art was true? what came first, the gods or the poetry about them? the religious sentiment or the artistic sentiment? the answer might appear simple, but we have evidence that it’s hardly so.

this is the anthropological dilemma and it serves me (along with this academic premise), to answer your question, because no, the sharing i was talking about wasn’t the artistic sharing of poetry on aoidoses’ lips, nor i am against artistic impulses and their consequential sharing (even if, as a writer, art often feels too personal to be shared precisely as faith is), or the making of spirituality in the cradle of human culture, i am not against the making of religions and therefore mythologies, i am against feasting over their remains, wearing their corpses. i am against the appropriation of emotions that are probably felt too easily and to shallowly by the most, because it’s easier than truly feel, and alone, facing bravely the existential dread that has followed us as a species since the beginning. i am against the influence that parents have on children regarding spiritual beliefs. i’m against wearing our own souls outside ourselves as flags, as labels. i am against the need to affirm ourselves stating our religious truths against the other, or only approving who share ours. the list goes on and on.

and yes, i do think that the world would have been better off (and still would be) if we had the social custom of not sharing such things, not sharing ourselves so much, too much i dare say, and automatically, to whomever asks. i do think it is “one of the lowest aspects of human culture”, this need of overexposure, the normalization of sharing a thing so personal as a spiritual belief. and as normally as one would share one’s age or nationality, discussing it with a bit of timidity and a bit of temper as one discusses politics. it’s not the same thing. i find it repulsive.

i definitely didn’t answer you with something untrue by any means. i wonder why you thought it in the first place tbh. i was perhaps just trying to avoid a dissertation on why i wasn’t going to answer you, a dissertation that actually turned out very incomplete and that means very little in the face of the vastness of what i think on the matter.

i hope i clarified your doubts.

[zahneundklauen-retired]

Old Dogs, New Tricks || Ulfric and Alcher

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @ulfricvinterson and @zahneundklauen SUMMARY: Alcher hears Ulfric is back and town and goes to meet him. The two sniff out each other’s intentions CONTENT: Family death mention (no specifics mentioned)

So the wolf Ulfric was back in town. Alcher had grown accustomed to being the only authority in town, but with the return of this other, older wolf, it meant one of two things: she had support, or she had competition. Today, she would find out which one. And she was prepared to defend her spot, if need be. She was a pack leader, after all, born and bred, more thorough than most others could claim. She didn’t know too much about this Ulfric, only what Ariana had told her, as the wolf had left town soon after Alcher had gotten in. Where he’d gone was not really her business, but she couldn’t help but feel a cinch of anger at the idea that he could abandon Ariana like that. She was a young, influenceable wolf, and obviously his absence had caused her to attach herself not only to humans but hunters as well. The thought made her balk, but by the time she reached the parlor she knew he worked at, she had steadied herself, and she held her head high as she entered. The bell above her rang and her eyes briefly lifted to glance for it, but the scent of the other wolf pulled all her thoughts away from her. He was somewhere in the back. Ink and metal and blood also filled the air but her golden eyes landed on the young man at the front desk. “I’m here to speak to Ulfric,” she said, tone low, “please get him. He’ll know who I am.” If he was even half the wolf she was, he would also know she was already here. 

And he did. Ulfric had been working on a client, a fairly large piece. Calf. One of his favorite spots. This man under the wolf’s needles was a braggart and a fool. Came into town from about an hour off, said something about knowing this shop from yadayada, instagram, facebook. Didn’t really matter. What did, was the fact that he went on and on about the meaning of the art he chose and how it was as powerful and strong as he was. The kicker. It was a wolf. Howling at the moon. The irony kept the ginger man smirking as he shaded the fur. Taking a wicked glee in the yelps and twitches the man before him gave up. 

It was always the ones who bragged that howled the loudest. And not to mark territory. Which is surely what the….presence…. At the door was trying to do. The Vinterson line was one of fair renown. Albeit back home. He wasn’t about to roll over and play second fiddle to some…. Newcomer. So he waited. And he took his time with his art. Finishing every last hair until he put in the highlights, delighted in the pain it brought this young human, and carefully, carefully cleaned his station. 

Now it wasn’t terribly long. He’d almost been done when the bell rang of her entrance. Long enough to be a nuisance, make her wait for it. Not enough to rile her hackles if she were truly a leader. An alpha as he’s heard Ari claim her to be. Titles, titles. 

With a satisfied whumph, he finally stepped foot into the front room. Having let his client go out the back. A knowing smile, sure that something….interesting... Was about to happen. 

“Alo” He said simply. “You call for me?” 

He was making her wait. Alcher didn’t mind all too much, she was here to scout him out, after all, and making her wait for him was already a sign of knowing. Of dominance. A smile curled onto her lips at the thought. She hadn’t met someone able to challenge her position in a long time, and while she would not back down easily, she was willing to put up a fair offer to this wolf. Ariana had not told her much about him, and she didn’t want to be told either. She wanted to see-- and observe-- for herself. 

The electric buzz of the needles sounded like a hum in her ears. It was almost soothing, and despite her immediate disdain for a wolf having such a ...human job, she could understand why someone enjoyed such a hobby. She, after all, still carried around a very human toy with her as well. She was wandering the front of the studio, gazing at the pieces they’d chosen to hang on the walls, when the wolf approached. He was tall, well-built, sturdy. And his voice carried the tone of a foreigner. 

“I did,” she answered, coming over to him, but keeping a distance from him. “Can we go somewhere private?”

A dance. The orchestral repose. Between the two headstrong wolves and their vie for control. An aria in and of itself. Each movement, breath, bead of sweat, and step a note in their own right. “Private to talk, or to show one’s teeth?” He loosened an easy smile. A warmth that betrayed the thickness in the air. True, though Ulf was more sedentary as of late, when he let the beast go, not another soul could stand in his path. There was something of pride in his swagger. While he wasn’t close to every wolf in town, his standing was kept more by a...pride. His little pup Ari would tell him of the goings on, and if need be he’d step in. But so far, he needn’t. King with a dull crown. If the rest of the whelps needed council or guidance, he’d be there. If they needed protection, doubly so. 

And then there was Alcher. He’d heard a little. But he wouldn’t pry, and he was gone for much of her… reign. So there was more to divulge. “Dere’s the apartment upstairs, or the woods about a mile off, plenty close if you want to run.” He let his tongue roll over that last r, a glimmer of a growl. 

At the question, Alcher ran her tongue over her teeth. She could taste the tension in the air. She did not want to fight this wolf. Without forethought, without planning, she would be lucky to escape alive. She could feel that much. Tell from his eyes, his grin. It was an intuition that had bred and beaten into her. She was smart, that was her specialty. She drew in a breath. “I just want to talk,” she stated clearly, making sure there was no hidden agenda behind her words, “I figure we ought to properly meet.” Made sure to stretch out her words, her native tongue making them sound hard. “Our lives are entangled whether we want them to be or not.” And she still wasn’t sure of her own answer to that, only that she would know by the end of this.

“We can talk first,” she said, making the decision, not waffling on her answer, “and perhaps run later.” This intricate dance was something she hadn’t experienced often-- but that didn’t mean she didn’t know how to handle herself. While the so called alpha back in Canada had been nothing but a coward and pushover, she’d still had to prove her worth and assert her dominance. This was different. Perhaps there’d even be room to share. Her family, after all, was led by multiple leaders. They were a family unit, and she wanted nothing more than to find something like that here. 

“Wonderful!” He brightened and brought his hands together in a hearty clasp. “I will cook for us then.” Well at least  you couldn’t call him inhospitable. An open arm, and a leading step, he pointed the way for the other wolf to head upstairs. While the shop was a fair size, the staircase that connected it to the waiting apartment were not. “I hope you don’t mind kittens, I found them starving behind the shop.” There was a lovely lilt to the words. A joy he’d not shown in the first few moments. What could he say? He loved cooking. And anyone willing to talk before baring a claw was worth cooking for. Sometimes, even after. Not that he’d let his guard falter all the while. Just… sate it for a bit. 

“Anything you’d rader not ingest?” Those pesky middle t’s. Always coming out as more of a duh sound. Ahh well. The both of them shared a distinction in tongue the locals to White Crest lacked. 

Ulfric was quick to close the door behind them, while the kittens were still quite young, they were old enough to learn to escape. And that was more than a workout he wanted to deal with. Running was for later, right?  

The sudden change in attitude did throw Alcher off for a moment. She blinked, looked around, then back towards the ginger bearded wolf. “Alright then,” she agreed, and, after he gestured for her to follow, exited the shop with him, climbing the narrow stairs up to what was, presumably, his apartment. It smelled much nicer up here, although the scent of ink and metal still wafted up through the vents and the floor. Soon, it wouldn’t matter, she supposed. “I don’t mind cats,” she said, though she didn’t altogether like them. As long as they stayed out of her way, she didn’t mind them. And, perhaps, they made a good snack every now and then. She couldn’t help it sometimes, food was food. Ulfric, however, did not need to know this. “It’s nice of you to rescue them and give them a home.” She could smell them, but hadn’t seen them poke their heads out yet. Cats did tend to be much shyer than dogs.

“I’m not a fan of mushrooms,” she stated simply, “or anything fungus related, really.” She took a quick glance around the house before settling back on Ulfric. He was a good looking man, and it made her yearn to see his wolf. His coat must be beautiful. Perhaps it, too, was a shimmering orange, like fire on the horizon. 

“Ariana hasn’t told me much about you,” she stated, opting to simply get this part out of the way, so that she could reel out his intentions and his thoughts sooner, “and I figured I’d like to get to know you myself, anyways. You’re not from here, are you?”

“Ahh, our little Ari keeps things close to the throat, yes?” That wasn’t the term. Either he did not know, or did not care. He turned, prepping a few things for a simple meal. Everything it lacked in complexity it made up for in care, flavor, and quality. A swarm of aromas filled the kitchen and beyond. And that was enough to pique the interest of the kittens who were wary of the new imposing presence in their lair. First was the tuxedo, the bravest of the trio. He plodded out, tail looking like a little christmas tree, very brave. All hackles and teeth like he was the protector but also chief investigator. As if on cue, Ulfric bent and held out a small piece of raw meat. Tenderized enough to chew even with little bitty fangs. 

“No I am not” He turned fully, leaning elbows on the counter and crossed his legs out in front of himself. “But I’ve been here long enough to know some things.” The little ginger kitten was the next to reveal himself. Cautiously following his brother but definitely showing his fear in a different way. Overcompensation, a hiss that barely squeaked out. Even going so far as to raise a paw to the new wolf, but quickly retreating to behind the wall. “You as well though, I presume?” 

Alcher nearly balked at the word “our” but she had to admit that he was right-- Ariana was his first, and hers second. She relaxed her shoulders a bit to keep from seeming as if she were too uptight about all this. Ulf was an older wolf, and a male at that. He was invaluable to the pack, whether she wanted to admit it or not. And besides, she’d barely gotten to know the wolf. She ought to give him at least a small chance, right? “She does, yes,” Alcher finally answered, taking in the aroma of the food he was cooking and finding it smelled a lot like home. “It’s a trait that should be fostered. IT will do her well to keep things close to her heart.” 

She watched him carefully as he fed the cats, not moving or even really reacting when the orange one hissed at her and ran away. Cats often had that reaction with her, even if she tried her hardest to accommodate them. “I’ve only just arrived in America, let alone White Crest. I don’t know much about this town, but I know it’s full of mystery and intrigue.” She followed the cat with her eyes as it made its swift exit. “I am from Germany, originally, but I lived in Poland with a sister pack most my life.” She offered the information freely. “You are...Northern European? I recognize the accent, though I could not place it properly.”

Ulfric soaked in the information. Somewhere in that thick head of his it rang a bell, but alas, there were many packs in both Germany and in Poland. While studies had never been a  perfect pursuit nor penchant of the old wolf’s, his family did impress on him the strength of knowing who could be your ally, and who could be your enemy. A lesson well enough learned from his now permanent stay away from his home. “Ahh, I’m not sure you would have heard of my little village.” He nodded along as he finished sauteeing their meal. Just a whiff of a nostalgic sadness mixed in with the carmelized veggies and barely browned meat. “It’s called Arendal.”

The third and final of the pack of kittens made its way out. Perhaps a bit more confident in her stride, having taken the time to watch the goings on between the two large bipedal ‘cats’ that loomed overhead. She took it upon herself to declare a sense of superiority to her brothers by attempting to steal the lap of the one who was not standing. 

Alcher paused. She recognized the name from somewhere. Racked her memory for it, before-- “Arendal,” she repeated, “yes, I’ve heard of that place. The pack there-- the Berserkers.” She tapped her nails, trying to remember the name. Her father had impressed upon her the names of many packs across the European landscape that were their allies, that they could go to with needs. The Northern packs were always far enough away to not cause disturbances, like some of the Southern and Peninsula packs, but close enough to form pacts with. “The...Vintersons, right? Are you a--”

But she was interrupted when one of the small kittens clambered up her leg and onto her lap. She gazed down at it with a small, confused look, before reaching a tentative hand out for the thing to sniff. It did so, then promptly began to ignore her, despite being on her lap. Sighing, she pat its head. “Tell me,” she asked quietly, “did you know of the Kriegs?”

Behind a curtain of russet hairs, a wry smile made its way across his mouth. Ulfric finished the last of the cooking and plated the dishes. “Aye. To both.” A simple motion of his head and he laid out the table for them. “I miss home dearly, I do hope my pack is doing well. Alas they are strong enough and smart enough without me.” The chipper tone he spoke in betrayed the great emptiness he felt. There’s no filling that hole, it aches in and before all things. 

 “It is the same for you, yes?” He had heard of the Kriegs, not enough to really say much more than what any other wolfpack he knew of. He had a sinking feeling that their stories must not differ too much. For one of their kind to be away from family something drastic must have happened. And it was probably just about as shitty as his whole ordeal.  “Tell me Alcher, what do you want for the wolves of this area? I sense a great bit of pride in you. Is it unity you are after, or control?” 

A smile seemed fitting on Ulfric’s face, even if Alcher couldn’t really see it under his mop of facial hair. She relaxed a little, though the ache she felt for his loss and her own made her features slump ever more. “I hope your pack is doing well, too,” she said quietly, stroking the small, purring animal in her lap. When he asked her of her own family, she took a moment before she glanced up at him again. “In some ways, yes. I still long for them, of course, but-- I don’t have to wonder how they’re doing. News must not have made it North before you left.” She stroked the cat once more. “They are all dead now. I am the sole survivor of my family. Nein--” she paused, let out a slow breath, “--my entire pack.” She finally stopped her motions and looked back up at him, then to the plate he’d set in front of her. “It smells delicious.” 

She did not need to ponder on the question he posed next, but she took a moment to, anyway. “I want peace for them,” she said quietly, “I want to help guide them and make them strong, so that what happened to me doesn’t happen to them. This place-- the hunters here-- already took one wolf from this pack. I won’t let that happen again.” Her expression had turned sharp again, but not in the way it had been before. It was set and determined and loyal. The wolves she’d met here-- Ulfric now included-- were her family. Her final pack. She would lay down her life for them, and she figured he knew as much through her words alone. “I want trust, not control. I lead with love, not fear.” Just like her father had. Even in his angriest moments, Alcher knew it was out of love that he grew upset with her. Not fear. Never fear.

The old wolf  listened with intensity and compassion. That old familiar ache punched at his chest and brought it down, making him fight just a bit more for each breath. No creature on this earth could understand the weight of losing one’s pack. Ulfric had lost only a fraction of what she had, and yet she stood strong. That kind of determination and drive, that’s what the pack needed. Ulfric could offer strength, and maybe experience. But she….She could really pull them together. His eyes softened, and he extended a hand.

“Your ideals are as mine.” It was an offering. Time to let someone else fully take the reins in White Crest. Berserkers weren’t naturally ones to stop and think about their actions before rushing into something dangerous headfirst. And Ulf had honestly had more than enough time thinking about the consequences of his hasty decisions. They could build something together. A matriarch and her right hand. Being a guard dog on a chain was more of his style anyway. Less decision making and more…. BBQs and catch with the pups.

In a perfect world anyway. 

“Have you ever considered getting a place, specifically for the pack?” 

It was an odd relief that filled her, one she hadn’t known she’d been waiting for. Alcher watched her own pain etch onto his face and in that moment, she’d never felt more akin to someone else. Not even Cain, her old partner. His betrayal still stung her heart, but Ulfric seemed to understand, on some level, what her pain felt like. His pack may have still been alive, but he was separated from them. Likely for good. When he extended his hand, she took it, and she enjoyed the warmth of it, and the callousness of his palms, thick with hardened pads from use. 

“Good,” she said quietly, “I’d much rather have a partner in you than an enemy.” She gave a weary smile. “My father revered your kind. I am the same.” He was, after all, the kind of wolf Alcher strived to be. She took her father’s words to heart and etched them in to never forget. She would make him proud, she had to.

At his last question, she gave a small chuckle. “Unfortunately...human money is not something I come by often. I’ve had little use for it before, but…” a pause, “I might have a place, actually. An old farm, left to me by a friend. It’s secluded, has plenty of room to run, and perhaps a basement to keep the pups that aren’t...quite as learned.” She looked to Ulf after that, tilting her head. “You...do not cage yourself, right?”

Well. This went better than he ever could have expected. Almost made him wish he’d sought her out sooner. A symbiosis between the wolves would be excellent for this town. If not that, then at least for the pack. And to be fair, that’s really all Ulfric could ask for or ever wanted. Maybe now he’d really be able to start to build something here. Do more than just survive. His gentle smile blossomed into a full blown grin at her sentiment, the feeling was completely mutual. While he was used to being somewhat of an apex predator, he never sought out a fight with another wolf if he didn’t have to.

“I’ve got a bit of a house-egg-” nest. “From years at my business. Been saving it for some time now, looking for the right time. The right project.” He leaned back. Taking time to think of the farm she proposed and what it might be like to stretch his legs outside of the apartment. A farm could be a lot of work, but that’d be an undertaking he’d gladly. 

Her next quip cut him to his core, all he could do in response was laugh. So heartily he nearly bumped the table. “Why on earth would I do such a thing?” 

“House-egg?” Alcher asked, blinking. “I’m not sure I...know that term. I didn’t study my English as much as I should have as a child.” The admittance came with a small, sheepish smile as she looked at him. “You seem like you enjoy your work quite a bit. I’ve never quite found myself good at anything so...human.” She tilted her head, wondering. She had very few skills that were applicable to human professions.

“Well, the house itself is still in nice condition, but it’s big, bigger than I care to upkeep by myself so it’s grown a little dusty. Perhaps we could all get together and make it a project.” It sounded almost like a dream. It reminded her of the pack she’d left behind in Canada. But this one, this time-- she didn’t want to leave, even when they were a pack able to survive on their own. This time, she wanted to stay. She wanted a family.

His chuckle started her a little and she blinked. “I simply wanted to double check. I was going to chastise you if you did.” She paused a moment. “And, so...hunters. We agree they are to be dealt with, correct?”

“Is that not the--? Y’know like, a prepared savings for a house you eventually plan to buy.” English was still a bit of a struggle for him as well. Especially any kind of idiom or saying. The words got twisted and ended up on the opposite side of the map, absolutely refusing to ask for directions. Ulfric waved the idea away, not caring to really think about what it should be. That was irrelevant. 

A part of him softened at her next query. “I-uh, well it’s a long story.” The chair creaked along the wooden floor as he leaned back. The kitten in the alpha’s lap gave a big stretch along with the old wolf. “When I first got to America, I was lost.” He rolled his neck and idly poked at his food. “I had no direction, no purpose, no pack. Alone.” He had spent most of that time in a haze, barely able to recall details of what really transpired. Only that he survived, and did what he had to do to survive. “I was getting into too much dangerous shit, verging on self-destructive. The one person I really did know here suggested once that we get a tattoo, on a whim.” That hint of a smirk returned, but his eyes and thoughts were still far away. “I don’t remember what exactly made me want to get a memorial piece, but the process, the pain, the whole thing…” 

He cut off, taking that moment to roll up his sleeve to show off his left forearm. An old, somewhat hazy crest filled out most of the area between his wrist and his inner elbow. Aged and fading, the ink spreading faster than it would in a human. Didn’t help that he was drunk when he got it. “Ahh, these old lines, I’d want them to be touched up but my mentor she… isn’t around anymore.” He looked over it with a soft fondness. “Not gone, just not here.” 

“Having this was like having a part of them with me at all times. It made me not feel so empty in here.” Calloused fingers moved to his heart. “Helped me love the body that ripped me from the rest of the pack. Sort of reclaim it.” With a croak of mirth he returned his gaze to Alcher. “I realized I wanted to do that for other people. Help them heal.” 

He let her speak, almost able to see the musing in her head. This place must’ve been something grand. “I think we’re up to the task.” This was probably more than he’d talked in months, even with his particularly chatty clients. Though they usually only wanted to talk about themselves. 

“Oh of course. If I could rid this town of their blight I’d do it in a heartbeat.” His expression stiffened, and his tone grew grim. “Though with our numbers and outright attack would do more harm than good. I will not let another hunter hurt my pack ever again.” A moment of silence, consideration. “Our pack.”

“I’m afraid we’re both at a loss with this one,” Alcher chuckled, shaking her head.

She listened to him speak and felt her heart filling with a sense of belonging that she had been searching for since she was twelve years old, and she’d first woken up without her family. She remembered she’d been lost, so lost, when she’d woken up alone in that field, bleeding and dying. Even when she’d found her sister pack in Poland, the void that her family had left had remained. It would always remain. The hole in her heart would not go away, though, she supposed, it could be patched. She had finally figured that part out. 

Her eyes trailed along his arm as he pulled his sleeve up to show her his markings. A tattoo with a meaning. She pressed her fingers to his markings and traced the lines and tried to absorb the life she knew lived inside of them. “It is a hard thing to do, isn’t it?” she asked quietly, looking down at her prosthetic limb. “Reclaiming parts of yourself that seem...taken.” She tapped her leg and listened to the hollow plastic sound it made as she did. “I lost my leg when I fled my family’s demise. I was so lost as well, I didn’t speak for over a year after the incident.” She shuffled to the edge of her chair to move closer to him, putting a hand over his on the table.

“We can heal them,” she agreed softly, “together.” And perhaps even each other, but the pups came first. “No, attacking outright would only get us all killed. We need to be vigilant, careful--” and perhaps even play possum. If Ariana wanted to try and make peace, perhaps they could use that to their advantage. Get inside before striking. “But whatever we do, we can do it together. We’re no longer alone.” 

And the relief she felt at her own words were palpable. She wasn’t alone anymore.

[sollannaart]

Józef Poniatowski’s family album.

Part II. Grandparents, uncles, cousins (or 3 Stanisławs, 2 Konstncjas, Kazimierz and Michał )))

This week let’s continue talking about prince Józef relatives. In the previous post on the topic I wrote (and showed portraits) of Pepi’s parents and sister. So today there will be images and some information about others.

Let’s start with the grandparents. (Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find much about Poniatowski’s maternal ancestors, so this post will be about relatives from his father's side...)

This fancy gentleman is the father of prince Anrdzej and the progenitor of the family - Stanisław Poniatowski.

Portrait of Stanisław Poniatowski, unknown painter, 18th century

He was born in 1676, as a son of a petty nobleman from Lesser Poland. And died in 1762, having achieved the highest rank possible for a civil servants in the Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth - the castellan of Kraków. (Speaking in modern terms Stanisław Poniatowski can be called a self-made man.)

Of course, the life of such a man was full of ups and downs. That is why telling you about him I would like to focus only on things, which IMHO had some similarities with the destiny of Stanisłasw’s grandson, prince Józef.

During the Great Northern War Stanisław took the side of the Swedish king  Charles XII and the latter’s protégé - as a king of Poland - Stanisław Leszczyński. (On the other side there were Peter The First of Russia and August II of Saxony, who had been elected as a Polish king.)

To the misfortune of the first party, one of the decisive battles of that war, the one Poltava in 1709, was lost, but this wasn’t a reason for Poniatowski to turn his back on Charles. On the contrary, Stanisław then saved life of his suzerain, and after that help him to flee to Turkey. And remained faithful the Swedidh king to the very end, till Charles’ death 10 years later. (Although for this reason Stanisław had to spend all these years abroad, taking care of various matters of the latter.)

Marcello Bacciarelli, Portrait of Stanisław Poniatowski, after 1758, National Museum in Warsaw

And only after Charles passing away, Poniatowski went to Poland and asked pardon from August II. And having received it, remaining a faithful servant of that ruler till the Saxon king’s death in 1732.

During the next interregnum, however, Stanisław supported again the candidacy of Stanisław Leszczyński, the former protégé of Charles II. And only under the pressure of circumstances (one of his youngest sons, his namesake Stanisław, the future last king of Poland, was kidnapped by the adversaries of the opposite, Saxon party, to forced Poniatowski to join them) he switched sides.

As for Stanisław’s private life - it was also not without complications. In 1710 he married Teresa Jasieniecka, a widow of a Lithuanian nobleman Ogiński. But shortly the wedding it turned out that Teresa’s financial state was not so well as expected, instead of money she possessed debts only. And it looks like it was the reason for Poniatowski to leave her. (Some sources even say that the couple eventually divorced).

Anyway, whatever happened with Teresa later, in 1720 Stanisław seemed to be eligible again, because that very year he married again, this time to Konstancja Czartoryska.

Per Krafft the Elder: Portrait of Konstancja Czartoryska, circa 1768, National Museum Kraków

Being born circa 1700 Konstancja was about 20-25 years younger than Stanisław’s, but this didn’t prevent the the marriage from being successful. The reason might have been that, though for Poniatowski this was again a kinda “strategic marriage” (because the Czartoryski family was very powerful), the bride was really in love with her groom. To such an extent that she married him despite her father’s will.

Marcello Bacciarelli, Portrait of Konstancja Czartoryska, 18th century

And, in general, Konstancja was so stubborn and willful, that in the family she was called “Chmura gradowa” (hail cloud).

As an example of her adherence to principles there might be recalled the story of her son Kazimierz duel with Adam Tarło. First she forced Kazimierz to challenge Tarło - though even by the standards of that time the reason doesn’t seem justified enough. An then, when the shooting happened with no harm to both sides and young men reconciled,  the mother made the son to challenge his former adversary twice. And that time the duel ended with a death, fortunately to her - not of her son.

And such a story was not a unique one. (And something prompts me that had Konstancja been alive in 1761, when her son Andrzej, prince Józef’s future father, was about to marry a Czech noblewoman Teresa Kinska, the princess Poniatowska might not have agreed to that union. But the latter died already in 1758, so it wasn’t hard for Andrzej to get agreement from his very old and ailing father...)

Now, let us move to the next generation of Poniatowskis. The most known of them (and who, btw, was the favorite son of his mother) is Stanisław Antoni. Because in 1763 he was elected to become the king of the Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth (and, ascending the throne, changed his second name to “August”).

Johann Baptist von Lampi the Elder: Portrait of Stanislaus Augustus in a dressing-gown, between 1788 and 1789, National Museum in Warsaw

Do you remember that the second name of prince Józef was “Antoni”? Yes, he got it in honor of that uncle of his!

And later Stanisław August had a lot of influence on his nephew, taking care on young Pepi and his older sister Teresa after their father’s death in 1773.

But in my opinion it won’t be correct to call prince Józef the favorite of king Stanisław, the person whom the latter saw as his possible successor on the Polish throne. Why? Because there also was the oldest of Stanisław’s siblings children, the son of the above mentioned Kazimierz and the king’s namesake - one more Stanisław. (More about him - a little bit below.) And only for the short period from 1791, when that Stanisław withdrew from public life and emigrated to Italy, till 1795 Pepi’s candidature might have seriously been seemed as a possible royal successor.

Ok, now let’s look at Kazimierz. In addition to participating in that infamous duel the oldest of survived sons of the Poniatowskis was known for leading a rather riotous life. Having married a wealthy bride  Apolonia Ustrzycka he had a lot of money and spent them freely and sometimes rather eccentrically. In his greenhouses, for example, there were grown... pineapples! And he also brought  to Poland from Africa a bunch of monkeys (though all they died shortly because of the cold Polish climate (( )

Unidentified painter, Portrait of Kazimierz Poniatowski, second half of 18th century, Palace Museum in Wilanów

In his private life prince Kazimierz was also a real child of his time - he had several mistresses. And one of them he even drove around Warsaw naked - so that everyone could "see" her charms. (You see, prince Józef had people among his uncles to take examples from ))) And I must also mention, that Kazimierz had a loving affection for his nephew. And in the last decade of the 18th century, when Pepi was already living in Warsaw, the uncle willingly invited the nephew to his place and even supported him financially.

And despite that notorious style of life prince Kazimierz outlived all his younger brothers and died in 1800, being almost 80 years old.

And now a little bit information about Michał, the youngest of prince Józef uncles. He was destined by his parents for the clergy, and in the church hierarchy he “climbed” to the highest Polish rank - the Primate of Poland. (Though, as many sources state, prince Michal was a priest just in the spirit of his age - having mistresses and possible even illegitimate children.)

Marcello Bacciarelli, Portret of Michał Jerzy Poniatowski,  National Museum in Poznań, 18th century

And the circumstances of his death in 1794, in the age of 57 years only, still aren’t clear enough. That was the time, as you may remember, of Kościuszko’s Uprising, and Michał was among supporters of the king and the latter’s pro-Russian politics. So, when the primate became seriosly ill and then died there appeared rumors, that that might have been a suicide, in fear for being hanged, as those members of  Targowica Confederation who weren’t lucky to flee.

In relation with prince Józef I can name only one significant thing of Michał’s biography - it was who from him Pepi inherited Jabłonna village under Warsaw with its famous palace.

For the record I should also mention that the Poniatowskis-senior had also 2 daughters, Ludwika Maria and Izabela, but they didn’t seem to play significant roles in their nephew’s life.

And now let’s look at the third generation - Pepi’s cousins, children of prince Kazimierz.

This is the very prince Stanisław, whom I mentioned above:

Angelica Kauffman, Portrait of Stanisław Poniatowski (1754-1833), 1786

Very well educated and economically talented, he carried out a lot of reforms in his vast estates in Ukraine, and made these land prosper. Being interested in art, he founded a painting school in Warsaw. More than once a member of the Sejm, elected marshal of the knighthood of the Permanent Council, member of the confederation of the Four-Year Sejm and... not a popular figure among the the nobility (szlachta).

Because of the latter reason in 1790 there arose a conflict between prince Stanisław and his adversaries, after which the prince resigned from all his post and abroad.

Portrait of Stanisław Poniatowski (1754–1833), attributed to Johann Baptist von Lampi the Elder, 18th century

He settled in Italy, where he owned estates, and unlike his cousin Józef, never returned to public life.

As for Stanisław’s private life - well, it also looked like a suitable plot for a romance novel. The prince met his future wife in Rome, when he was already in his fifties. She was thirty years younger than him and... a wife of his neighbor.

Her name was Cassandra Luci, and she was a common woman, beaten by her cruel husband. And one day, trying escape from an attack, she knocked on prince Poniatowski’s door, was allowed to enter his residence, and stayed with the latter forever.

First, of course, Cassandra served in Stanisław’s residence just as servant, becoming the housekeeper. But soon she answered his feelings, and... by 1816 the couple had already 5 children - 2 sons and 3 daughters. And when in 1830 Cassandra’s husband died, Stanisław was finally able to marry her.

And all the Poniatowskis living now in France are descendants of this couple. Or, to be more precise, of their second son Joseph Michael.

Relating to prince Józef - it looks like his cousin Stanisław didn’t have much affection on him. They met a couple of times before Pepi moved to Warsaw in 1788, definitely had chances to see each other between that time and the year when Stanisław emigrated, but that’s all. And much more close prince Józef was with his other “probably” cousins - the sons of king’s mistress, Elżbieta Grabowska. (But this definitely goes out the topic of this post.)

So, let’s move to the last person of today’s article, prince Stanisław’s younger sister princess Konstancja. 

Marcello Bacciarelli, Portrait of  Konstancja Tyszkiewicz, nee princess  Poniatowska,  circa 1775

And, I have to admit, she didn’t play any significant role in Pepi’s life either. (Though her daughter, Anetka, might have had - but about the latter I will write later, when the time comes to publish next post of prince Józef women.) But the reason I am writing about this Konstancja now is that her husband’s surname was Tyszkiewicz, just like the surname of the Pepi’s sister Teresa’s husband.

If you ask me whether those two Tyszkiewiczs were relative, I would answer you that they were very distant ones, because last common ancestor was the progenitor of the Tyszkiewicz family, named Tyszka, who lived in the 15th century. 

As for why the king decided to marry both his nieces to the Tyszkiewicz family - on this question I don’t either have an answer. But I can quote you a verse which was written in Poland that time:

Tyszkiewicza

Król policzą

Między bliskich swoje

Dał jednemu

Dał drugiemu

Swych synowic dwoje

(Translation: The king counts the Tyszkiewiczs among his relatives, he gave to one of them and to another two of his nieces)

And because of these two Tyszkiewiczs, and the fact that Anetka Potocka née Tyszkiewicz is sometimes called prince Józef’s niece (though in fact they were first cousins once removed) Teresa Poniatowska, Pepi’s sister is, in these cases, called her mother, which is not at all true. And eery time I write such a statement it that makes me cringe. That is why I felt I ought to write about Konstancja, for the people know that there was one more Mrs. Tyszkiewicz, and that she was Anetka’s real mother.

Well, that’s all for today. and I hope I didn’t make you much tires with untangling all these family ties? ))

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #445

“you’ve got a lot of nerve, but not a lot of spine”

Have you ever created a fake internet persona for yourself? No. Do you enjoy going to weddings or showers? What is it that you like or dislike about them? Not... really. They're triggering for me. And I don't use "trigger" lightly. They legitimately, deeply affect me. It's part of the reason I've lost a lot of interest in being a wedding photographer. Is there a person in your life whom you support by showing up for the sports games, concerts, or other performances? This question, uh... sucks. Because I'm that awful aunt that doesn't go to her nephew's t-ball games while everyone else does. It's the heat that does it, but still... it shouldn't. How many video games do you have? A lot. We have a big case of them. Why did you take the last pill you took? My heartburn is especially awful today. Has a girl ever stayed up with you all night? A guy? A girl, uhhh... maybe? Idk. A guy, yeah. Do you think guys look good with makeup? Hell yeah. How long would you wait to become sexually active with someone you’re dating? That would just depend on how quickly we deeply bond in a relationship. I wouldn't go that far before I knew I was in love with them, though, so it definitely wouldn't be quick. Do you enjoy a good debate or prefer keeping the peace? klasd;jkla;jfklwdj I HATE confrontation, so I strongly prefer to keep that peace. Debates rarely ever stay civil, anyway. Can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? One, easily. The other... I wish. But it won't ever happen because I fucked that relationship up way too much. Are you thinking about anything that’s upsetting right now? Yeah. My PTSD is being really bothersome. Would you ever want to ride in a canoe? Yeah, sounds fun and peaceful. So long as I'm not rowing, ha ha. When did you last see an attractive member of your preferred sex? Did you speak to them? Do you think you’ll see them again? Two days ago. Yeah, 'cuz he was my personal trainer. I don't plan on quitting the gym, so I'll probably see him around there now and again. Have you ever tasted baby food? How about pet food? Save for when I was a baby, obviously, no. I once tried a guinea pig yogurt treat, ha ha. How many times have you had your heart broken? Once romantically, twice overall. Actually, no, four. Quite a jump, I know, but Teddy and Jason's mom both dying was nothing short of heartbreaking. Think of the person you fell hardest for. How many people has he/she been in love with, besides you? One, before me. I don't know about since. Find 5 people on your Facebook friends list, whose names begin with K. Who are these people, and how did you meet them? Katherine: an online friend. We met on YouTube. Kim: she's my stepmom. I met her through my dad, obviously. Kelly: a high school friend. We met in art class. Katelynn: was Jason's old friend's former girlfriend. We met through said friend when we all hung out together. Kieley: she's the wife of who I call my "big bro," a close gaming friend. We met through Sam, the aforementioned friend. Sometimes do you wish you lived in a fantasy world? Yeah, who doesn't? What would you say if the ex who hurt you the most told you they hated you? "I don't blame you" or something to that effect. Have any of your friends dated an ex/previous crush of yours? I don't think it's accurate to call her my "friend," but Jason's first girlfriend and I are friends on Facebook. I'd love to get to know her better and actually be *real* friends. One word to describe the last person you kissed? Strong. Has anyone ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with you? You could say that. Does your hair have layers? No, not anymore. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom. Have you done something recently that helped someone else, in any way? I don't know. Which Disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? Why? Probably Jasmine. I just think she's really pretty. If you’ve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again? I'm terrified to this day to start new romantic relationships. I had so many panic attacks about losing Sara when we first started dating. If you were going to buy a present for the person you love/like, what would you generally choose? Absolutely something Frieza-related. If you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing you’d say to him/her? Probably just "oh my god, thank you" and start crying lmao. Is there something you generally always ask for help with? I'm sure there's something, yeah. When was the last time you cried? Today. Do you like sausage? Yep. Ever held a newborn animal? Kittens, yes. Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? Uhhhh maybe? Have you been called a bad influence? Yeah. Like she had ANY room to talk. Do you get stage fright? Yes. Would you be excited or annoyed if your favorite book was being made into a movie? Both of my favorite books are also movies, and they're wonderful. Do you need structure in your life or do you prefer to just go with the flow? I require structure, for sure. Without it, my anxiety goes rampant. Change is something I do not cope with well. Post a picture of you from one year ago. No. Have you ever written a fan letter? If so, who was it to and did you receive a response? No. What trait(s) would you not want your children to inherit from you? My mental illnesses, primarily depression. I have A LOT of reasons for not wanting kids, and my poor genetic makeup is even one of them. I don't want to pass on all the shit I deal with. What is the worst place you’ve woken up? Waking up in a shitty bed at the ER while waiting to be transferred was never one of my favorite things... Are you the type of person who has to study to make good grades or does it just come naturally to you? Aha... I was lucky in that once I heard something in school, it had a tendency to stick. I didn't need to study very much at all - usually. When on YouTube, what types of videos do you mainly watch? Mostly let's plays. What was the last conversation you had with someone about? Sara and I were kinda fangirling over how cute Maieykio and Rumours are, ha ha. Do you have any currency that’s not your native country’s? No. Can you describe your father in one word? Complex. Do you still watch movies intended for children? Yeah. Hell, I probably tend to prefer them. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian? That's living, probably Gabriel Iglesias. What is your strangest phobia? Probably whale sharks. Which part of your state/province do you live in [upper,lower,middle]? I live on the eastern side. Who in your life can you count on the most? My mama. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? It depends on what I'm up for. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? No, I'm not a fan. Last thing you drank? Pink lemonade. Have you ever thought you were going to marry someone? Sure did. The belief was clearly mutual. But I ruined that. Who are your favorite people to talk to when you’re down? Sara or my mom. Have you ever thought you liked someone, and then found out that you really didn’t? See: Girt. Describe the last dream you had that you can remember. It was actually... really fucked up, so the squeamish beware. I don't remember the details, just the shocking part: a little bird flew into me, and I thought it was a bug, so I crushed it in my hand. Heard and felt the bones break and it was just... ugh. It's nauseating to recall. I'm sick and tired of dreaming of only awful things. Any current family issues? Not any big ones that include everyone. The only "issue" that really exists in my family is how my mom feels like Ashley (my older sister) avoids her, and therefore Mom doesn't see the kids nearly as much as she wants. She feels very overlooked. Whose room of the opposite sex were you in last? When? Uhhh, probably my nephew's? Sometime when I visited my sister's house, idk. The last movie you watched with a friend? Elf, I think. Have you ever played with fire? Uh no, because I'm not keen on being burned. What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? Art, in some form. Who do you usually text the most? Since Sara and I started chatting mainly on Discord, definitely my mom. Have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed? No. Llamas or sheep? Sheep. Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? No. When do you plan on moving out? Whenever I'm in a long-term, stable, happy, and healthy relationship. I really don't at all think it would be healthy for me to live on my own. What’re you going to be for Halloween? I'd actually love to dress up this year seeing as I've really been feeling the holidays, but the money to like... make a recognizable costume isn't really with us. So I'll ust answer as if I had it, in which case it would be a handmaid from The Handmaid's Tale, but with fake blood splattered over my stomach region. Will you buy a cake for your next birthday? We always do for b-days. Do you like brownies? BITCH I love brownies. Have you ever dressed up as a witch on Halloween? Yeah, as a kiddo. Have you ever been to a masquerade? No. Do any girls like the last guy you kissed? Maybe, I don't know. Do you have a second mom? I have a stepmom, if that's what you mean. When a bee is coming close to you, do you stand still or run away? Ngl, I gtfo. Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex? I haven't hung out with Girt in around a year. Really need to change that. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries. What is your winter coat like? ... I actually don't know if I have one? Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I did fine. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? Interesting. Inspiring, even. Do you know how to use an ATM? ... No. :x How about write a check? uhhhhhhhhhhh... Are you Italian? Not to my knowledge, no. We don't know my dad's heritage. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? I commented on one of my sister's Facebook posts earlier. Are you interested in photography at all? Very much so. Do you own an acoustic guitar? I don't believe so? Ashley had one when she was waaaay younger, but I haven't seen it in forever. I think Dad might have it. Can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? Because you said "bickering," no. Mom knows how to pick fights on a lot of things... Who was the last person you took pictures with? My sister when she came to visit a few months ago. What is the wallpaper on your best friend's cell phone? I'd be willing to bet it's either her and Jem or Frieza. Do you melt butter to put on your popcorn? No. We get the movie theater butter kind. Do you consider flirting cheating? Sure do. Have you ever been on probation? No. What is normally on your Christmas list (if you celebrate it)? A tattoo and meerkat stuff. Do you like KoRn? They're one of my favorites! When you were little, did you pick up worms? Do you pick worms up now? Ha, I did. I would sometimes dig just to look for them, especially if I knew Dad was going to take me fishing later that day. I don't like touching worms nowadays. Would you ever go see a stand-up comedian? Yeah, I think it would be fun. Do you have any best friends that you only know online? BEST friends, not current ones, anyway. I've met my current best friend. Have you ever gotten into a physical fight? Nope. Do you have a problem with swearing? No. What do you do when you see a spider? My reactions vary. If it's a tiny little thing, I tend to ignore it. In most cases, admittedly, I get my mom to come kill it. :x I really, really want to get on a level where I can just cup the spider and take it outside. I want a few types of spiders one day (tarantulas, jumping, and velvet), after all, so I really should get used to interacting with them. I know in my gut they're nowhere near as dangerous and scary as your head makes them seem, but it's so instilled in you (most "you"s, anyway) from a young age to stay away from spiders, so it's fighting almost like instinct. Do you have big dreams? Meh... When is your father’s birthday? Sometime in April. The 16th, I think? Maybe. Are you interested in anime? Yeah. They can have some great stories. Do you eat three meals a day? Most days. Are you part German? German and Irish make up most of my heritage, yes. Do you dream of being a porn star? Uh, I can confidently say no. Have you ever been on a farm? I have. What is your favorite type of muffin? Blueberry, I think. I like the moisture it adds to the muffin. What is the last type of salad that you ate? Just your normal one with iceberg lettuce and ranch. What do you usually put on your waffles? A layer of peanut butter and then some syrup. You NEED to try it. Would you rather have a cottage on the beach or in a forest? A forest! Name all the people that you talked to today. Online, through texts and in person. Mom and Misty are all, I think. Do you know a schizophrenic person? My half-sister. Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? If so, who is your favorite? I did. I don't think I had a favorite character. Name the last 3 people you kissed and list one nice thing about each one. Sara: she's very loyal. Girt: he's funny as hell. Tyler: he, uh, cares a lot, I guess? When was the last time you felt EXTREMELY depressed? Why is that? Yesterday, actually. I was passively suicidal just over... a lot of things. Would you ever dye your hair pink? I want pastel pink hair anyway.

[sleeplessandstubborn]

Emily in Paris, episode 5, or why no one wants to have a talk?

I write this as I think again about how much potential a series about how this one was nominated to the Golden Globes by apparently - presumed innocents, you know - bribing people from the Academy with visits to the set and luxury hotels in Paris. I mean, I will fall for this too. Imagine a behind-the-cameras comedy about a humble member of the crew who has to indulge in that pandering and corruption, and all this mixed with the commons issues of daily life in Paris. Yeah, the real one. Anyway, until we have that, we can stick to the series itself. Episode 5, there we go.

Mindy and Emily are hanging at a café next to the latter's place, our Chicago girl talking about her sentimental woes. She likes Gabriel but she feels bad for not having known about Camille being his girlfriend, especially since she's nice (and very pretty too, Emily's conclusion is that it should be forbidden to be both). While Mindy's recommendation is to act normally, Emily decides to avoid Camille and Gabriel at all costs. To no avail, because - after accidentally asking for a condom with her coffee and her croissant, to Mindy's amusement - Camille shows up. She just pulled a Hollande, that's it, she just brought croissants to her lover.

(Seriously I love this girl)

On her way to Savoir, Emily receives an invitation to an influencer lunch organized by the cosmetics brand Durée. Emily has loved Durée from the moment her friend Cindy - I had misheard that and I thought she was called Mindy, too - stole a lipstick. But, there's a problem, as Julien tells her a few moments later. They used to be a client but they split from the agency in such a bad way that they are not even mentioned at Savoir. Focusing in solving the mystery about what really happened, she asks Sylvie about why the agency doesn't works with cosmetics brands. After giving her a little lesson on how you should correctly knock at the doors - that's so relatable, suddenly I saw my 8 years-old-self being scolded at the school, that's exactly how I learnt the lesson Emily receives here - Sylvie dodges the question and asks her to think about a campaign for a luxury matress brand.

Quite irrelevant, comic relief talk about sexual postures with Luc and Julien ensues. Whatever happened, Emily is resolved to go to that influencers lunch, so she lefts for the Place Vendôme where a lot of people is already hanging out at Durées party, reception, whatever you can call it. On arrival, she receives a small gift bag, meanwhile a dog receives one considerably bigger. He has more followers. Anyway, I don't think Emily is really resentful towards Cashmere. I mean, I make that face when I see dogs too. And cats. And birds. And horses. And... well, you get the picture.

A scene I really liked follows in which we can read the messages posted by the influencers, in different languages. It's effective, not paritcularly groundbreaking - not even in Emily in Paris' universe - but I really liked it. It just was a little weird when the boy who is writting in Italian uses osservato to post about the cosmetics, while the rests are posting about being "obsessed" or awkward variations of Yas, Queen! Did they really meant something else than being observed or seen? Did they meant ossessionato? Meanwhile, the CEO of Durée is just in the nearby room, scrolling over their posts, just to see who has the privilege of having a personal talk with her.

Emily decides to call the CEO's attention by doing something most people wouldn't do: starting to eat the decoration. Olivia - that's the woman's name - sees it and likes the content, for some reason. So she wins the personal talk with her. We then learn Olivia knows Emily from her meme that was retweeted by Brigitte Macron. We find that also the Daily Mail gave coverage to that thing. Why would anyone quote as an achievement or a great moment in their lives to be featured in the Daily Mail is a mystery to me. Olivia tells her that agencies are expensive and obsolete, and that she considers influencers are the future. So the eventuality of talking to her about Savoir goes out that window giving to the Place Vendôme. Maybe in other occasion, since Olivia has invited her to lunch. The two of them alone this time.

Coming home that evening she bumps into Gabriel and Camille. The latter insists in dragging Emily with them to their date/excursion/whatever. Quick montage ensues and they end sitting at an art installation which reproduces Van Gogh's Starry night. Pretty! Also, it's evident they have fun together. Why not to have a civilized chat about this. Maybe Camille is tolerant, who knows. But if everyone used their communication skills properly, Humanity would, no doubt, lost a part of its literary and cinematic patrimony. I want to sit at one of these expositions, too, by the way.

When Camille leaves them for a second to greet a friend, they talk about the kiss the other day. She apologizes, he says that kissing her back was a natural reaction (ah, si?) and they seem to agree in that it meant nothing. Which clearly means the contrary.

The meeting with the mattress company takes place the next day. Sylvie's idea is lukewarmly received by the CEO, but when Emily talks about putting the bed in instagrammeable places of the city - I hate the sound of that - like the Gardens of the Luxemburg or the Louvre. Not a good idea to create that level of high expectations, but this is how the serie works. She goes to that lunch with Durées woman and discover she wants her as an ambassador of the brand. It's there when Emily has to confess she works for Savoir and that she would like to persuade her to go back to the agency. Olivia's opinion is a very polite Thank you, not happening. And a warning against Sylvie.

Speaking of what, she's waiting for Emily at the office, annoyed because now the mattres company woman wants the bed at the Louvre - something impossible - and because she discovered her little video from the influencers lunch. From her point of view - and its a pretty reasonable one -, it's a problem if she made publicity for free for a company while others pay them for the same. And she tells her to have her Instagram account closed.

Censorship!, Mindy reacts later that evening as they hang together in Montmartre. Again one almost expect Gene Kelly to show up dancing, but that would be too realistic. But Emily has decided to do as told by Sylvie, not without a last farewell tour /montage thing. It ends with our two characters walking down to the Rue de l'Aubrevoir. That's the last post and the end of her Instagram account. But no.

Like one of these encores at the end of the New Years Concert in Vienna, her account is ready to put more pretty inconsequential things to look at in this world. It turns out the woman from the mattress company saw the post and wants the bed on the Place Dalida, just at the end of that street. And wants Emily at the first one posing in that bed.

There is a long series of reason why puting a bed on open air, in the middle of the city, so people can make photos laying in it is a terrible idea, whether in Paris or Villabajo (*). But it doesn't matter, Emily's account reopens, the campaign starts and she poses with Camille who is very happy because Gabriel has her as a neighbour. You all need to talk. Gabriel sees that photo and, obviously, likes it. We all ship them, boy. Aaand that's the end. We could have it all but we are heading to a boring love triangle. Cuadrangle. Whatever.

(*) Yeah that town only exists in soap commercials. Still bad idea, Emily.

[depressedoverdrawings]

Can you hear the tumult of our youth?

KazeKi is the first romance I’ve ever enjoyed, or rather, that I emotionally connected with, as “enjoy” is a funny word choice for a work that made me feel so miserable. Personally, I’ve never enjoyed media that focuses on relationships and love, were they movies, TV, or literature.

But after I discovered KazeKi, I found myself drawn to it, almost involuntarily so. It was as if a spell had been cast. I suppose what superficially drew me in, at first, was the art. It had the charm of retro manga (I absolutely love retro manga/anime looks, IMO they have so much more character than most modern anime and manga), the nostalgic elegance of the idealized upper-class XIX century, and the unrelenting beauty and cuteness of all the boys.

It was mildly surreal and highly entertaining to witness the seed of so many shounen-ai visual tropes: The flower motifs, the flowery poetry, the impossibly pretty boys in dramatic embraces and breathy kisses, the aggressive frenchness of it all. Even it was shocking to me how these elements, instead of striking me as the tired, sappy tropes I saw them as, were now all genuine and beautiful, somehow. Even those silly sparkles around pretty boys seemed fitting. I realized these weren’t tropes back then, but elements of a sincere artistc vision. However, while the art was mesmerizing to me, I came to realize that what drew me in deeper, and kept me anchored to KazeKi, were the themes explored, and the character-based drama, the very stuff I had always avoided.

Without getting far too personal about it, Kaze to Ki no Uta was the first romance that struck something within me, somewhere personal. Now, I certainly have never faced trauma and pain anywhere near to what poor Gilbert and Serge face in their absurdly depressing story, but I definitely wouldn’t call myself emotionally and sexually resolved and healthy, and once upon a time I was a closeted boy in a catholic school, so I guess there’s space for a little bit of self-identification. My coping mechanism to my personal woes had always been to just bottle them up and distract myself with entertainment and art. And that was exactly what I was doing, browsing music on YouTube, when I stumbled upon the KazeKi OVA’s soundtrack.

I found myself listening to this gorgeous arrangement of a Chopin piece, and thought to myself, staring at the angelic figure looking back at me, across the screen: “Gee whilikers, that’s sure is a pretty drawing of a pretty girl”. Then, after reading the comments, I found out that was a boy. As much as the “draw a girl, call it a boy” school of drawing pretty boys makes me groan, I could still feel it, that first hook of interest, stabbing me. As the slideshow enticed me with pictures of Keiko Takemiya’s gorgeous art, I found myself enamoured by it. It was a particular drawing that made KazeKi finally snatch me: that same boy, lounging angelically on some sort of abstract architectural design; in the background, a neoclassical vase flanked by two neoclassical girls, and, above and below, this stunningly beautiful vegetation. So much care, skill, and good taste, concentrated in just one image! I’d have it as a poster, if I could. So, I googled “Kaze to Ki no Uta”, unwittingly throwing myself in a rabbit hole I could not have prepared myself for. Trying to read it was in itself a journey, but, to sum it up: I managed to read it about as well as one can, if they don’t speak japanese and have no access to the spanish and italian translations.

It had been years since I had started feeling emotionally numb. My most extreme displays of emotion came in the form of quiet, teary eyes, reserved for those rare, impactful pieces of art, and those rarer moments of despair-inducing introspection that I couldn’t manage to suppress, but even those lasted little, as I fought to recover my composure. By the end of Kaze to Ki no Uta, I was a sobbing wreck, doing my best (and failing) to contain my ugly crying. Ugly crying, for god’s sake. I was ugly crying, actually sobbing like a kid, because of an yaoi manga. Crying in the shower, even! What kind of weeb had I degenerated into? It hurt. It deeply hurt, in a way I hadn’t been made to hurt in a long, long while. KazeKi had impacted me to the point that I wasn’t just sad, I was scared too, as the waterfall of emotion opened the path for that deeper, personal darkness to come out. And it did.

Now, I admit I’d been a little bit more emotionally fragile than usual right before I read it, due to the effects of the quarantine and the previous consumption of a highly depressing piece of media: Les Amitiés Particulières, which is probably even more depressing than KazeKi as it deals with a much more grounded homophobia-induced tragedy based in real life. Somehow, it didn’t impact me as much as KazeKi, however. Also, it was definitely what influenced my personal YouTube algorithm to recommend me the KazeKi soundtrack, so I wouldn’t know of KazeKi if it weren’t for Amitiés. But even then, it felt unnatural to, well, feel so much. I hadn’t felt this invested in and attached to fictional characters ever since I was a little kid, too young to realize those people in the TV weren’t real. In the following couple of weeks, I was crying over these boys, spending whole days feeling like trash, feeling mild anxiety spikes whenever I remembered about KazeKi, having (even more) difficulty falling asleep, and utterly failing to avoid thinking about my deep-seated intimate issues, all because of these dumb, pretty anime boys. Not even my trusty prayer of “they’re not real people, stop being stupid” worked. In an attempt to stop wallowing in this shounen-ai hell, I decided to consume a whole lot of escapist media while I deliberately avoided any activity related to KazeKi, be it reading the manga, listening to the OVA’s soundtrack, looking at fanart, or even just thinking about it. It “worked” for a month or so, but now I’m back here, wallowing in KazeKi’s painful beauty again, stalking the other seven people in the western world that seem to care about KazeKi, and distilling my thoughts in this bizarre textwall, in an attempt to work it out. If you’re one of those seven people, please don’t refrain from talking to me, if you feel like it! I’ve had just one opportunity to have a conversation about KazeKi, and it was in YouTube comments, for heaven’s sake. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m this afflicted by KazeKi due to its unrelenting, merciless, cruel beauty. Everything about it is presented in this assembly of pure beauty and lost perfection, this painful nostalgia that is present in its aesthetics of an idealized Europe which lives only in its surviving art, that is present in the story which ultimately tells us of the loss of love, and is present in the fact that the whole story is a broken man’s reverie about the past. Tragedy might make me sad, but tragedy with beauty will destroy me. Bittersweetness is just so more cruel than bitterness. And it was this masterpiece of sadistic bittersweetness that permanently broke something in how I deal with my emotions. Kaze to Ki no Uta touched me deeply, to the point of leaving a permanent impression, I’m afraid. I can count in one hand the pieces of art that have punched my soul in the face like KazeKi did. I am honestly flabbergasted over the effect it had over me. At first I felt embarrassed over being emotionally obliterated by a freaking shounen-ai, but I’ve since come to the conclusion that KazeKi is a work of art, a genuine, sincere work of art, deserving of the title. Now I just hope I’m not alone in being emotionally obliterated by this freaking shounen-ai. After everything they went through, the personal fights, the shaky development of their relationship, the undeserved ostracism at Lacombrade, Auguste’s demonic persecution, the escape; how could it be that Gilbert’s life would end in such a horrible way, and that Serge would be left alone to face the full, unbearable weight of his grief! Why?! Keiko Takemiya, you’re a vile sadist. You’re a genius, too, of course. But you’re a vile sadist.

I knew that a happy ending wasn’t going to happen. The horrible ending was a pretty early spoiler, really. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t stop myself from reading on anyway, and I couldn’t stop myself from having an inkling of illogical hope. Even if my logical self knew a happy ending wasn’t gonna happen, it couldn’t prepare me for just how tragically their love would end, and how awful it all would feel, once I knew their full story.

It’s all the more bitter because of how close Serge came to saving him, too. Having escaped together to a place where they could’ve built the nearest thing to a normal life a gay couple could have, back then. But in the end, not even Serge’s love could mend Gilbert’s mutilated soul. Those boys deserved so much better, especially Serge. Serge, you sweet angel! You were created to suffer.

KazeKi really is a masterpiece in how it explores its extremely heavy themes and the minds of its characters, and how it flawlessly meshes that with perfect art. There are many moments in KazeKi that haunt me: Serge letting that bird go, Serge’s vision of Gilbert at the Lacombrade grounds, Gilbert running into the carriage, angel wings behind him; Serge laying alone on the bed in Room 17. I cannot look at those pages without tearing up and feeling this horrible feeling in my heart, and this feeling is literal: My heart actually feels heavy and constricted when I think about it, it can’t be healthy. Up until now, I thought “cri evrytiem” was just a meme. KazeKi has woken me up to the fact that bottling up one’s own personal issues will inevitably end with them exploding out, leading to something much, much worse. I am scared by the prospect of facing my personal issues. To me, they are horribly strong, and seem incredibly hard to solve, if they’re even solvable at all. I’m horrified by the prospect of facing them, working to solve them. I’m so scared, that simply thinking about it, right now, gives me this awful weight in my chest, and makes me want to cry, again. But I know now that I have no choice in this matter, as the only alternative is that abyss I dare not speak of, and one cannot return from. Melodramatic? Yes. But I did just read Kaze to Ki no Uta.

Thank you for getting this far, whoever you are.

I’m forever haunted by Serge’s words to his long-gone Gilbert, right at the beginning:

“Gilbert Cocteau, you were the greatest flower to ever bloom in my life. In the faraway dreams of youth, you were a bright red flame, blazing so fiercely… You were the wind that stirred my branches. Can you hear the poem of the wind and trees? Can you hear the tumult of our youth? Oh, there must be others who so remember their own days of youth…”

[puppyenergy]

What do you think of resonance within the DID community? For example, a well known system had a major integration and within the same week like twenty+ systems also had a major integration whereas the general consensus on and understanding of integration had been completely different the previous week

Hi anon! This is an awesome question. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. So much, actually, this ended up being an extremely long post. Sorry for the big chunk of everyone’s dash I just took up here.

I don’t necessarily think looking solely at the DID community is the right answer here. I think to find the answer as to why this sort of phenomenon happens, you have to look at social media influencers. I’m not the most knowledgeable person about this kind of stuff, but lately I’ve been watching a lot of videos about how influencers can impact their audience.

Influencers actually become influencers because they have formed an emotional connection with their fans. They are essentially a celebrity to their audience’s eyes, but as an influencer, there is an emotional connection with the audience so they don’t feel as distant as real celebrities do. The audience might relate to them on a personal level and feel like the influencer understands them even if they haven’t actually met. This all establishes a position of power for the influencer over the audience.

In some videos I watched, I learned how influencers can easily manipulate their own audience; whether they intend for it or not. I watched how some influencers would feel like someone had wronged them, then would outright ask their fans to attack that person. As a result, all the fans would harass this person. However, more often I’d see influencers who didn’t outright ask their fans to attack someone. But they wouldn’t say “I don’t condone harassment, do not attack anyone.” And as a result, their fans still attacked the person who had “wronged” them.

There’s multiple reasons that factor into why stuff like this happens. Things such as the audience member’s age, what the situation itself was, how the influencer presented it, what kind of information they revealed about the other person, etc. People might feel like they love their favorite influencer so much they just want to help them, or they might want to help ‘cancel’ the person who wronged them so the influencer notices them, or they might just be pissed off that someone they care about has been wronged, or they might feel like the influencer was ‘subtly’ telling them to attack the person even if they didn’t outright say it. But either way, the situation was brought to their computer screen.

It really gave a lot of perspective into how some people miss the memo when they go from just a person on the internet to social media influencer, and they end up hurting not only themself but also so many others. Being an influencer is being a role model. To give a bit of personal perspective: Even though I think this is in no way comparable to youtube, I had a sideblog where I put more trauma-related content and vent art on. But suddenly it got 5k+ followers out of nowhere and it no longer felt like a personal diary to me. I suddenly realized that was 5k+ people (presumably also trauma survivors) that I was now effecting, and I did NOT want to put anti-recovery or unhealthy shit on their dash. I was now a role model to them, so I shifted all the content on that blog to pro-recovery and I started posting all my vents to a private blog.

In the long run, it actually felt a lot healthier for myself, as well.

So now what happens if the social media influencer makes their content around DID? Obviously, people with DID are going to be the majority of their fanbase, but it’s a bit more complicated than that. Because the DID/OSDD community is a minority group. We fit under the umbrella of disability, and the even smaller umbrella of mental illness, and the even tinier umbrella of DID/OSDD. Now imagine being an influencer for that tiny tiny umbrella.

In my honest opinion, I feel like the impact influencers have on this community is much stronger in a way where it even effects people who aren’t fans of this influencer. Sometimes, it pretty much effects the entire online DID/OSDD community- which I have seen happen many times before.

To give a non-personal example, I saw when the community took a shift towards obsessively trying to call out “fake systems” within the community, because there was a very popular and well-respected blog at the time who started airing their opinions on why they believed it was okay to doubt the legitimacy of other people’s disorders. They started posting “criteria” for “system faking” and posting things about Imitative DID. Obviously, it caused a huge panic within the community, and a lot of denial. Then, there was an onslaught of witchhunting/callout blogs created after it.

I feel like I’ve even been the result of some changes, myself.

Sometimes posts of mine have gotten popular and have been repeated by more popular influencers. Then, immediately, I had seen a shift in how the online community behaved. Knowing that I could even just make a post and an influencer could see it and decide to make a video based on it is a lot to take in. That’s a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. What if someone decided to make a video on something misinformed or harmful? What if I was misinformed or harmful and I didn’t know it?

But then when I compared it to how I treated my sideblog, I realized that this responsibility was actually essential to how I should’ve been treating my posts about DID/OSDD in the first place. You should be careful about what you say about these incredibly vulnerable and stigmatized disorders, even if you have one of them. It’s something that needs to be treated with the sensitivity that it deserves. People with DID/OSDD need to be treated with the sensitivity that they deserve. And, for some reason, we are just so, so hard on ourselves, our disorder, and on each other.

But I’m talking about social media influencers as if they’re a bad thing. I don’t think they’re a bad thing. Nothing is ever black or white.

There’s so much good that can and has come out of what DID/OSDD influencers have done. For example, awareness and education about DID/OSDD is finally starting to become more accessible and known. People have this space where they can realize that they’re not alone and that their experiences are real and valid. People can be encouraged to known when they need help and how to seek help. Singlets finally can learn what DID/OSDD looks like for one person, and even if it doesn’t look like that for everyone, at least they have a real life example instead of just a horror movie or bad writing as their only knowledge of this disorder. It can also insight professionals to take DID/OSDD more seriously, or even encourage more research and support for their disorders. It can lessen stigma and misconceptions.

So why is it if a DID/OSDD influencer says they’ve had an integration, then so many people in the community start to say they’re having integrations as well? Here’s my personal thoughts on this.

I actually think the people in the online DID/OSDD community are essentially primed to always try to "know” and label what they’re experiencing, even if they’re wrong. I think this happens because of a combination of how denial screws with us, how the internet treats disabled people, and peer pressure within the DID/OSDD community. So, if you take how social media influencers influence their audience, and you also add all of that shit, I think it’s pretty normal for a bunch of people to suddenly say they’re integrating as well after their favorite influencer integrated.

Sometimes they’re wrong and just using a label that makes the most sense to them based on what they’ve seen or learned. Sometimes they’re right and they’ve finally discovered the term for what they’re going through. Sometimes they’re just so attached to what they watched or read that they might actually perceive it to be happening to themself too. Sometimes they were already experiencing this and the influencer gave them the courage to speak out about their own experiences as well. Or maybe it was all just a coincidence.

Imo, none of that is bad. It’s not bad to try and figure out what you’re experiencing. It’s not bad to be wrong about what you’re experiencing. No one is obligated to figure these things out or put words to them, but a lot of people want to try. It’s normal to make mistakes along the way. DID is already so confusing and there’s also so much misinformation about it floating around as well. No one is at fault for being victim to misinformation. What matters is that you educate yourself and you own up to and apologize for any harm you might have done while you were misinformed.

Anyways, sorry this post was so long lol sdkglhskdg. I hope at least some of it made sense. I have a lot more thoughts about this topic but this post is just way too long now, I don’t want to keep you for any longer. If you read all of it: thanks! you’re one cool cucumber!

[jesswsc1]

Initially, I wasn’t overly sure how to interpret our title of ‘black books and black holes’. I’ve felt awfully low for a while, and it’s been heavy on my mind, so I figured I’d take this project as somewhat of an opportunity to reflect on the past, troubles i’ve had as well as using it as a kind of venting of current frustrations. These low points act as my own personal black hole, as I fall down into them for some time. Similarly to how black does, they absorb any kind of light surrounding. To me, at times, this has meant not enjoying things I’ve adored prior - such as spending time with loved ones, music and hobbies. Growing up there were several black holes, but amongst them I have fond memories with my cousins, siblings and childhood friends. Somebody who has always been there for me (whether it be through choice or not) has been my brother. I decided to incorporate pictures of us throughout my little black book as homage to him as he is truly one of my favourite people ever, despite the troubles I don’t think our bond has ever gone away - it’s merely taken small redirections. I have such admiration for him and know I can rely on him and speak free from judgement. Years ago, I believe it was 2013, he fell ill and this meant he had to be hospitalised for a couple months. It was really hard for my family and was of course even more difficult for him. Seeing as he was hospitalised, this meant regular trips to the hospital, on the car journeys we’d always have the same Passenger CD playing in the car. I guess we just never got around to changing it. On this CD was a particular song that we’d all sing along to, which funnily enough is called ‘holes’. Hearing this song now makes me feel so safe and hopeful, knowing it got me as well as my family through a rough period in time. I made sure to incorporate some of the lyrics into one of my book spreads. One line reads, ‘but we carry on’, which has definitely stuck with me.

The constellation element of our project had me reflecting on space and the universe, and what exactly it means to me. Although I’m not too into space, I’m definitely fond of the moon. After my parents divorced, I was left in custody of my mum for a while. A teacher told me to look at the moon, because she’d be looking at it too at the same time and thinking of me. During this time I was living in a troubled home (I made this house the exterior of my book*) and would be heavily supported by her in school. She’d give me notebooks to express myself in and explain what was happening, as well as a departing gift when I inevitably left to go live with my dad here in Bury. Despite being a small part of my life, she still means a lot to me and has a place in my heart. Though not physically present with me anymore, she cared enough to find me years later and reached out to make sure I'm doing fine. It's reassuring knowing there are people as pure as she is. Because of this I dedicated a small section of my book to her that looks like a slither of the moon when the pages are flipped back onto it. 

My black book was titled ‘Wailing Ghosts’ by Pu Songling, containing 14 tales of various monsters and creatures, which is fitting to my work revolving around numerous burdens I have that seem to act as these little monsters also, creeping up every now and again. I did consider creating my own ‘chapters’, one for each black hole of mine, but didn’t want to structure my book in that way as I didn’t want to disrupt my creativity or force things.

          I say ‘was’ because I actually decided I wasn’t all that keen on how i’d layed my pages out. I instead took a second black book and collaged, reworked and inserted pages into a new one. I’m really glad I did so, as I now have a book I much prefer over the first. An aspect I did keep relatively whole was the swirly, illusion-looking front cover with a hole burned through the centre, almost like a little entrance to another world. Stanley Donwood inspired this page through his swirly seas he often features in his works, as he uses a bold thick line against white ones. I opted to put this page underneath my front cover so it still got to be showcased - only cutting a part off the corners to make sure it fit. 

Featured in my book are a few small self portraits, in varying cartoon-y styles. Some are only inspired by my face whilst others were drawn whilst staring into the mirror, then back at the page. Having struggled with low self esteem, there have been times where I don’t even want to perceive myself let alone interpret that into a drawing. Meanwhile doing my book work, I realised I have never drawn a self portrait - not since being a kid anyway - and had even actively avoided doing so during GCSE art. Over the past year or so, I’ve overcome an array of issues I’d had, so found myself able to draw these little portraits. It sounds pretty insane to me now that I would’ve found it so hard before, knowing I enjoyed coming up with various ways to put me in my book, even wanting to print pictures of me (sadly our printers decided to act up so I was not able to implement these). I feature my bathroom mirror on one page as it’s been the target of over-analyzing and although I have come far in self love, it still remains a deadly weapon. 

Claude Heath’s sketchy, rough portraits inspired me to create my own. I really enjoy how reckless his style is, as I'm trying to escape the ‘this has to be perfect’ mentality, Heath is a great example of how you don’t need to overthink your work. It can just exist and look cool. It’s fine. This was also encouraged in Thursday drawing sessions where we did blind drawings. I kept this mindset whilst doing my book as I tend to either overwork myself trying to create ‘perfect’ or do absolutely nothing, so I went with the flow of how my book panned out. 

Seeing as my work theme is a little on the darker side, I considered subduing the colours or perhaps even going full black and white. However, I love utilising colour in my art and felt this would make me feel unmotivated and uninspired. Especially seeing as this book is about me, it’s not insensitive to anybody to make it colorful and exciting. So, I have. Plus, despite everything I’m still smiling so I wanted to convey that somehow. Sort of, making the best out of bad situations. Damien Hirst’s usage of colours influenced me to just have fun with it, in the same way he does when creating his works. 

Throughout my book I have experimented with oil pastel, paint, staples, collage, rorschach ink blotting, screen printing, spray paint, photocopied pictures, flip book, tracing paper, washi tape and i’m sure there’s more. Point is, I wanted to cover a wide range of techniques seeing as there were many pages. In doing so I believe this was the best way as it meant there was a flow of ideas coming as I worked. I’ve learned that I love a range of ways of working as it keeps my brain ticking, meaning the work doesn’t feel stagnant and dull. Sadly there were lots more ideas I had for what to do into my book, but due to various reasons I couldn't. Such as wanting to sew using a sewing machine into my book, I tried to set my sewing machine up but when I would go to sew the thread would snap. But I believe it’s definitely something worth trying another time, as I was intrigued to see how it’d turn out. I also wanted to make a better flip book from the corner of my little page (see animation on blog) as it’s really simplistic. But drawing the little stick men alone took me an hour or so, and I didn’t see that being of much importance compared to getting actual pages filled out. Thus, I left it as a simple stickman. That being said I think the stick man illustrates the cycle of being in a slump, which is relatable to how lockdown is feeling and fits well with my book contents. I felt inspired by an artist who goes by ‘inhalerqueen’ (Amanda) on tiktok, who draws a simple, silhouette-like figure repeatedly. She calls this figure ‘void’ and i’d consider her work to be vent art, expressing how she feels. Originally I wanted to make my stick men look like void, however I don’t think that would be all that beneficial/change the effectiveness and would only take up more time.

If I were to have a soundtrack to my work I would opt for ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay. Reason being, regardless of my state of mind I return to this song and feel the same listening through every time. It’s such a lovely song and just feels like peace, as cheesy as that may sound considering Coldplay is very much dad music. It reminds me of my yellows, and how much they mean to me. Even with the black, I have my yellows. Lyrics to the song can be found in my book also. 

Overall, I’m relatively pleased with my work. There’s no doubt things I would do differently, but I’m glad I’ve had this experience and was able to vent a little similarly to how Amanda does. In future I hope to perhaps recreate this book and treat it as kind of a ‘rough’ or ‘plan’ for a more refined and thought-out version, perhaps this time with chapters like I'd considered and with ideas I didn’t get to delve into.  There are pages I’m not so keen on, but I’m proud of myself for just leaving them as opposed to overworking them and/or scrapping them just because they aren’t what I like. I love the pictures of me and my brother, if I could I would’ve collaged more into my book however our printer simply wouldn’t allow it. As well as the exterior of the book, as I think it adds a personal element as opposed to being left as it was. 

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

APH China Musings

When I start thinking about China, and sometimes countries in general, I get this total disconnect between how the anime/manga portrays the country (especially China) and how a lot of headcanons have them as, especially reading headcanons and art about ancient days. 

Ok China-specific content below (headcanons at the very end): Very long post warning

Most of the canon shows him as a sort of weird old grandpa who doesn’t really have all his nuts and bolts in his brainpan and pretends to be cool or whatever (when he’s really not) while his kids all mock him. That APH China has a soft spot for cute things and can’t really understand the others ig, which again kinda makes him a laughingstock for his kids. But, the headcanons I’ve read show him as a really manipulative, sly Old Man who enters contracts/treaties/friendships to benefit him, not for the sake of being kind, and doesn’t really see everybody else on an even level with him which... clashes somewhat to a lot with the canon. HOWEVER, this cunning, darker (?) version of him is way more historically accurate... I like certain things from both versions (and I also like being historically accurate as much as possible) and the fact that headcanons vs canon is so contrasting makes it kinda hard to have one concrete China for my headcanons, it’s like he has split personalities or something lol.

Side note: I’ve never heard/known of anyone Chinese ever saying -aru in English, so... It might be just a voice tic of Chinese people when speaking Japanese, but I sort of get annoyed when it’s added in every other sentence he says in a fanfic. He doesn’t talk like that in the English dubbed anime either, and it seems that the English translations of the manga have also omitted the -aru (except for one strip I believe, correct me if I’m wrong). So please don’t add it in fanfics unless you want the characters to all be speaking Japanese with their own unique voice tics.

However, I do like some parts of the canon portrayal, SUCH AS: his doing tai chi every morning, the portrayal of his relationship with Japan before the “betrayal”, and apparently how he “isn't one to waste a second of time” (from the wiki). So in my head, I try to meld the canon and Sly Old Man together, because I like some aspects of China that may not be explained by either the country’s history, culture, or stereotypes, and honestly I feel like some parts of a country’s personality can just appear spontaneously; you don’t need to be able to explain every part of you from your past experience or the people and country that you make up and represent.

Without further ado, the Headcanons!

- MORNING PERSON, does the whole tai chi thing in the morning with the birds in his garden or something, finds it very relaxing, and then goes back inside for an actual breakfast (I have no idea what he’d eat because Chinese cuisine varies A LOT from region to region, ex. in the north/Beijing region there’s usually soy milk, “Chinese oil stick” which is basically like salty fried dough sticks, and “tofu brains” <-- literal translation, it’s a sort of soupy thing with very soft tofu (very good). In the south, there’s a lot of sweet meats and dim sum, almost like a mini lunch sort of thing, etc.) He’d also drink tea, and never adds sugar (I don’t think restaurants in China ever actually give you sugar packets with tea)

- I feel like he’d be a CAT PERSON nowadays dogs as pets have become more popular in China but before, cats were more common (I think) because of their usefulness as pest control and the fact that they can get their own food; dogs weren’t really kept except to be guard dogs. I feel he’d have gotten used to cats, and also he’d enjoy a quiet pet’s company more

- ANCIENT DAYS/RELATIONSHIPS: He’d probably be slightly manipulative, and ENTER relationships for a trade benefit/power/control/good stuff, but if the relationship goes well and the person is charming (Rome cough cough), he’d slowly warm up and become real friends after a while.

- I agree with the Sly Old Man treatment of COLONIES/TRIBUTE STATES, he’d probably just protect them for the benefits instead of actual Love (but isn’t that what all countries do these days). I do see him as very patronizing to his underlings, because of a) his age and him thinking that he’s seen it all with his dynasty changes and wars and stuff and b) Confucianism, which said to respect your elders and all that, so I think it’d make him slightly full of himself and patronizing (the wiki says this is also his current attitude and I can see that). But I see a situation similar to the relationship one playing out here; as he gets more and more contact with a tribute state he actually grows closer to them in the Normal Human Feeling way, so that would explain his feeling of betrayal when Japan left (literally back-stabbing him), as well as his feeling sad (not just because he lost a trade partner and revenue maker) when Korea was taken. For his tribute states, my headcanon for their relationship is pretty much summed up in this post (esp his relationship with Korea, but also Japan a bit): https://stirringwinds.tumblr.com/post/119403708770/tsk-look-at-you-all-battered-and-bruised-its (patronizing but still caring)

- VERY PRAGMATIC AND EXTREMELY BLUNT. I have no explanation, he just seems like this kind of person (and according to the wiki, he “isn't one to waste a second of time”). Doesn’t care at all if he offends you, intentionally or not (unless he’s trying to impress, of course).

- VERY TRADITIONAL. He probably knows at least a handful of traditional instruments, pipa, ma tou qin, gu zheng, erhu, xun, etc. And will roast people on the internet if they play them wrong (a while back at some really fancy gathering, there was a performer who was in front, mind you, playing a yu (wind instrument) upside down and totally wrong, and that caused a huge firestorm in Chinese social media. I’d like to think China would have been one of those people to be like “what are you doing you know you just made a fool of yourself right?” Incidentally, there’s also an idiom related to the yu that is literally about playing it wrong (literally it’s something like one bad apple can be covered up in a sea of good ones but one by one, people will see you’re bad))

- TRADITIONAL pt. 2: good at calligraphy and also very good at guessing dui lian (apparently called antithetical couplets) hung up during the Lunar New Year. Also adhering to tradition, he gathers up everybody for every single big Chinese/Asian festival to eat together. I know Japan doesn’t interact much with China and China still feels betrayed by him in the manga (the Japanese and Chinese relationship nowadays still isn’t the greatest/closest for multiple reasons) but I’m going to take liberties (and my heart needs fluff). Also, if China invites/drags everybody but Japan to his house, I feel like that’s awkward and one of his kids/siblings would get Japan to come anyway. There would be a lot of arguing at the dinner, about food, politics, memes (from HK), trends, or anything really, but it’s all in good fun, yeah?

- MODERN POLITICS: still a bit of Sly Old Man, and probably very stuck in his ways. Some countries he doesn’t really respect. For example, he doesn’t see America as a fully respectable adult, probably because a) he’s still older and b) I think China agrees with his government’s structure to a point? Like with the way he suffered during the collapse of the Qing Dynasty (Boxer Rebellion, WWI, etc.) I think he’d take any system (including communism) that worked and improved people’s lives. At heart, I think China wants to do what’s right for the people, and at the time, the Communist Party promised that people’s lives would get better under their leadership, and for some, it did. That convinced so many people to take their promise, and I think China would have supported it at the time. As well as, I believe that country’s perspectives of their government is /somewhat/ influenced or warped by their people’s perspective, and /most/ people in China are /okay/ satisfied with the central govt. (not extending this to regional govts, that’s kinda a different issue). So I see China (as a character) being mostly satisfied, and America’s criticism and complaints about him pretty much bounce off, because China doesn’t see his comments worthy of respecting, especially because his govt. is doing ok from his point of view. There are definitely things that need working on, but he won’t take US criticism.

- SLY OLD MAN pt. 2: Basically the same as the tribute state thing, he’ll help you out initially to get your benefits, but if you last long enough, he’ll gradually grow friendship feelings. I feel like this is what real China is trying to do with the “Belt and Road”, basically spreading influence to less developed countries, although it may not be working out. Sort of like manipulation, which also fits in with the Sly Old Man thing.

- I can see why Hima originally designed China as being a bit cold, because I feel if he doesn’t need you, he won’t really talk to you. Although as mentioned above, I also see him start to care for somebody once he takes the effort to get to know you, and will probably care for his close friends long after they’re actually needed.

- I agree with the canon that he can GET ANNOYED EASILY AND SNAPS A LOT, but I see this happening only with people he thinks aren’t interesting enough, are below him, or don’t get him (or are just incessantly annoying).

- Also a bit EGOTISTICAL, but doesn’t show most of the time. Unless you happen to mention a recent achievement, and then he’ll go “Haha! I did that ____ (pick a number from 1,000 to 4,000) years ago!” or something and probably roast you

- SENTIMENTAL OLD SOUL: often reminisces about the past when alone, or with someone he truly trusts (that used to be Japan, but...). Slips into “how did the world get like this?” sometimes to a lot. Feels lonely sometimes too, and can be found stargazing on his front stoop at night

- RELAXING: if he doesn’t have work, he’ll just relax at his house, probably take a long bath/shower and just do nothing, maybe play some sort of instrument for fun, go into his garden and paint/walk around and enjoy the flowers, or watch some new addictive show. If he feels like working, he’ll cook dinner for all his kids/siblings and invite them over (this will also be done if he thinks one is overworking)

Ok those are all the headcanons for now, but probably will be more to come. My love for this Old Man is infinite <3. If you want, reblog/submit/comment your own aph China headcanons! Do you think I did him justice?

[vuelie-frost]

Frozen 2, the spoiler debacle, and the dehumanization of Elsa

Hello there! Let’s talk. (Warning: this post will contain some of the leaked spoilers. Read at your own risk!) You may notice this is my first and only post on this blog. I started this side-blog just to iterate my opinions on Frozen in an anonymous setting, and my main account isn’t suited for that. As for me, I’m a 26-yo Frozen fan. Elsa is my favorite fictional character of all time; she means a lot to me. By day I work as a graphic designer in the southern US, by night I struggle to sleep. Really exciting life. 

Anyway, because I’m human trash, I read the spoilers. I sought them out. I kind of regret it. Initially I was shocked, hurt, betrayed, and uneasy about the apparent direction this movie is going in. And the more I read about people’s backlash & opinions, the more my understandings were bolstered. People have a lot to say about this. People get very up-in-arms about the direction their fictional characters take. 

Let me start by saying that if you are staunchly opposed to the PERCEIVED ending of the movie, I’m probably not going to change your mind. I’m writing this for those people like me who are just confused, uncertain, worried, and anxious. After all, we have a whole month until this movie is released. Are we going to have to live in this limbo for another month?

After reading a lot of accounts & interpretations of Frozen 2, I want to say: no. 

If the implied ending is in fact how the movie ends- separation of the sisters, Anna as sole monarch, Elsa as the fifth spirit- I’ve made my peace. And you can too (Excuse me while I sound like an infomercial.)

First, let me play devil’s advocate and pull some of the speculation apart from the facts:

- Regarding the pages from the art book, we don’t know if Elsa relinquishes her title to Anna. There’s nothing saying they’re not co-rulers. It notes that Anna inherits the throne from the “queens before her,” including Elsa, but this could be interpreted as “Elsa was queen first,” NOT “Elsa is no longer queen.”

- We don’t know if Elsa becomes a goddess, immortal, or some ethereal being. There is mention of her becoming the fifth element, but this could be a descriptive characteristic, NOT prescriptive (ie, she doesn’t need to “transform” to become it, she is it by simply being herself.) If that even is true. It’s just as likely that the bond of Elsa-Anna is the bridge/fifth element, not Elsa herself. AND if the fifth element is the harmony between humanity & spirit, Elsa can’t become un-human to fulfill that role, or she becomes wholly spirit... which is what Pabbie warned against in “losing herself” to magic. Also note that “transformation” was used to describe Elsa in her Ice Palace in the first movie. It didn’t mean she became inhuman, it meant she became more herself.

- We don’t know the nature of their “separation,” if there even is one (the leaked book pages talk about different roles only, and the Foreword of the art book only alludes to them living different lives.) The picture of Elsa riding away on the Nokk & waving? That doesn’t mean she’s leaving forever. Hell, she could be off to save Olaf from a wolf. 

- We don’t know that there are two separate Epilogues chronicling their separate journeys. The Color Script page has two boxes labeled “Epilogue.” It also has two pages labeled “Dark Sea.” Are those two separate scenes? Or just two color schemes? Given the context of the sheet’s title... I’m going with the latter.

We know very little about the context of the movie to make these judgements anything more than speculations. Take a deep breath. The movie isn’t ruined.

However, if these things turn out to be true, we can still be at peace with the decisions made at Disney Animation by preparing an open mindset. Here's how I’ve been processing it, and how I’ve come to defend the creative team regardless of their decisions for Elsa & Anna. The Perception of Wrongdoing There are a few specific implications in the spoilers that rubbed me the wrong way. I’d been optimistic for the movie until this morning when I pored over everyone’s interpretations. I don’t like the idea of the girls being separated. I don’t like the idea of Elsa no longer being queen (at least, in royal title via her family line. Snow Queen is a different honor.) I don’t like the idea of Elsa becoming something more than human, a spirit or goddess or force of nature. Elsa is beloved because of her humanity. In fact, I think the first Frozen was beloved because of its humanity. We saw the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of its two heroines and we fell in hard, deep love with the story. We’ve had so many years to marinate on that story over and over again that it’s become cozy and familiar, a hygge of itself. 

And when we’re faced with the prospect that our favorite story’s world is about to be flipped on its axis, we panic because it feels vulnerable. We’ve put so much love and time into this franchise and we feel helpless to watch other people- the people who are, in fact, in charge- make decisions about it. Dehumanization

Because of my love for Elsa, I’ll speak about her as an example, though this applies to any aspect of the story we feel is “wrong” in the sequel.

There are two ways to dehumanize someone. One is to think of them as worthless; the other is to idolize them. 

It’s not a secret that Elsa is one of the most idolized fictional characters of our time. Some of her creators even fell a little bit in love with her, as admitted by Jennifer Lee. She was written as someone who is inherently beautiful, but fragile and unsure of herself. She is kind, gentle, wise, and compassionate. Even her flaws- her penchant for being too reserved, her anxious and worried nature- are romanticized into beauty. Moreover, her flaws as characteristics rather than actions make it difficult for us to perceive her as anything other than our perfect, honorable Snow Queen.

Codependency, by definition, involves the idolatry of another human. Obviously Elsa being fictional doesn’t make her codependent to anyone, as it’s not a mutual relationship. But the idolatry is there. We feel we “need” her to be and act a certain way to fulfill our desires. 

So when we hear word that she’s acting in a way we don’t like? We get scared. Perhaps we didn’t understand her the way we thought we did. Perhaps we’re not as “close” to her as we thought. Perhaps it feels like a betrayal. 

Jennifer Lee & Christopher Buck know Elsa better than we do. We project our own experiences onto the character of Elsa because she’s so unique and still relatable. But her creators are the ones who know her wholly, truly, as she is. Jennifer Lee wrote journals to “listen” to Elsa & Anna, and their respective stories. They employed mental health professionals to analyze the characters and help determine arcs that would make sense. They care a lot about what these sisters do and feel, and no one- not even you or me- is more committed to playing these characters truthfully.  This is something that idolatry blinds us to. The image of Elsa in our heads doesn’t match the expression in the sequel, and we get scared of the cognitive dissonance. Who is Elsa if she’s not the Queen? Who is Anna if she’s not living with her sister? We panic because what we THOUGHT we knew is suddenly revealed to be a lie. We imagined the ending of Frozen 2 to be an idyllic family setting, when in fact it might stretch our definition of “family.”  All that to say: it’s okay to be scared of what this movie might reveal about characters we thought we knew. The familiarity of the first movie is being challenged. But growth can’t happen without some sort of variable change. It’s okay to disagree with how the creators specifically do that, but be aware of why they chose to make those decisions in the first place.  The trailers have been alluding to a separation of some kind, with Elsa’s “What would I do without you?” to Anna’s “you’ll always have me” as foreboding clues to the movie’s interpersonal conflict. For reasons we don’t know, this is the route the creative team has taken. It might feel unfair, but we don’t have the whole story. And whatever that story is.... it will all be okay. Jennifer and Chris will make the right decisions for their characters. The sisters will be happy in the end because this is a Disney movie (do you really think they’d be happy separated against either of their wills?) They’ll be a family regardless of the circumstances. It might not be how you or I would have written it, but that doesn’t make it a bad story nor an invalid one. And we can be content with that for another month. (I have a working hypothesis that we’re all going to be happily surprised by the ending’s larger meaning, once it’s revealed.) Wait, isn’t this just a kid’s movie? Shouldn’t we just suck it up and move on? Elsa may be fictional, but that doesn’t mean she’s not real. She means a lot to a LOT of people because of her very real relationships with herself, her capabilities, her power, and her family. It’s not silly to worry about her arc, nor Frozen 2′s arc as a whole.  Stay Mindful

If you’ve been scouring Tumblr & Instagram all day today in a panic trying to decide how to feel about the Frozen 2 leaks, please get off the echo chamber that is the internet. Eat a chocolate chip cookie, meditate, sit outside with a cup of tea- enter back into the “real world.” It pains me to say this because I’m talking to myself as much as I'm talking to anyone else, but: Frozen is not the determinant of your existence, nor your happiness. It’s one story among SO many, all of which have the potential to form and influence us in various ways.

In closing:

- keep in mind that most of what’s circulating on Tumblr is part of a rumor mill, and not to trust anything that doesn’t come from Disney themselves

- context is key to everything, and until we see the movie, we don’t have the knowledge to make major decisions about how we feel about Frozen 2

- It’s okay to feel worried or scared that the story won’t be what we were expecting- but that doesn’t make it bad, and it doesn’t mean we’re destined to be disappointed

- be mindful of whether you’re putting the characters/movie/franchise on a pedestal of unsustainable adoration. It can be unhealthy and painful to come down from that high.

[charlenelouise-gdc]

3.4 — FMP:

Fan Culture: FMP Development

After much thought, more research and further exercises, I came into the conclusion that I would like to pursue my third FMP idea revolving around fan culture. Even though I am passionate about all the subject areas from the other ideas and the way I plan on executing them, I feel like this is the right one to pursue at this stage of my creative career. I would like to use London as a resource to find content, as well as use the studio facilities available.

Overall, I think the project covers a topic that is both equally fun to do, but also something insightful and offer interesting commentary (on women, society and community). I like the challenge of bridging “low art” (pop music) and “high art” (documentary filmmaking). More so, documentary style filmmaking is one of my stronger skills as a creative, as proven by my FMP in Year 02, and is something I would like to build on. This project would allow me to level up my skills on this technique/style of filmmaking. I think there’s something comfortable as well as challenging in this project. 

The following bellow details some development I made on the idea, as the laying foundations for the project...

RECAP FROM THE EARLIER BLOGPOST:

“Fangirl” Culture

Like I said earlier, I’ve always wanted to champion women or pursue female centric stories in my work. Out of all the things out there regarding the feminine experience, nothing speaks more of it other than boybands and fandom culture. Its always been a persistent part of girl culture; whether it’ll be a pop band or a rock band. I think this would be an interesting world to explore.There’s already a preferred narrative around fangirls - the rabid, crazy kind. Although that is true in some extreme cases, it would be unfair to only present this as the only side of the story. I would like to show the other, more wholesome side. Fandom culture goes beyond the band and the music; in fact, they are only mere catalysts. Fandom culture is ultimately about identity and community; through the band and music, many young girls across the world is given the opportunity to own something and begin to have a good sense of themselves - ultimately forming an identity. Also, its about community; they’re able to connect with others and form strong bonds simply because of the band/music. You can see this, in the queues before gigs or the excitement they discuss their favourite member. Above all, it speaks about a different kind of joy that is often belittled.At present, a lot of the coverage around fandom culture are often done by people outside the community (with negative preconceived ideas which already suggest a bias). It would be interesting to see it from the people in the community themselves. I want to give the girls the voice and and let them reclaim the narrative. Ultimately, tell it from a loving lens. Also, I believe this is quite telling on how female passion is portrayed and what is acceptable, depending on the demographic. Football fans chanting? Perfectly fine. Girls screaming at concerts? Insane. This is aligned with women’s negative and dangerous relationship with hysteria throughout history. I think there is an interesting window to explore the social implications around fan culture. Additionally, I like the challenge of taking something from pop culture and considered as low art, and give it context and background. After all, it deserves to be studied carefully as much as its high art counterparts (From Stuart Hall’s theory Representation: feminine taste = low art, Masculine taste = high art). Above all, I think it would be equally as fun as well to do. It’s would be cool to celebrate fan culture, where its alive and present. Not just through a nostalgic lens. References: BTS’ documentaries: Bring The Soul (2019), “I used to be Normal” Documentary on fangirls across the ages (2018). 

FMP Development

I would still like to focus this project on BTS and their fans specifically. They’re the biggest boy band in the world right now and their fans are ones of the most active, both online and offline. I want to be able to document a part of this culture, while it is still happening and its best (rather than through a nostalgic lens). Most importantly, their work and music are monumental in many ways; they’re crossing boundaries, not only in the music but in race relations, toxic masculinity etc. Their global influence must not be undermined. 

Documentary Style

For this project, I would like to mix both real life footage to stylised setting. My main point of stylistic reference is Roxy Rezvany’s “Little Pyongyang”. She used a stylised set for her interviews, while also having real life, observational shots of her interviewees natural habitat/form. 

I think this would be a good technique to use for this documentary. 

I would like to build my own “teenage bedroom”. After all, this is one of the main touch points for fan culture and feminine culture in general. We learn so much about our tastes right there; this is evidenced in the posters on our walls and the CDs we used to collect. This is referenced a lot in Teen/Coming of Age films. I feel like this would an interesting setting for my interviews to take place. Anyway, it would be harder to film into people’s individual bedrooms. It would make filming easier if I can take my interviewees into one place, rather than going to theirs with my crew (setting up and wrapping up in all of them). More so, I think this is a good opportunity for me to use and improve my art direction skills (see image above for reference). I would decorate the set, referencing the 90s, personalised to a Kpop fan’s perspective (see reference above).

Content

The narrative will be crafted from the content being produced; the interviews will play a crucial role into this and will be the key part of this project. From the emotions to the personal anecdotes, it all stems from this. Therefore, I need to craft the interview questions I’m going to be asking, to trigger the “right” answers or reactions. More so, I really need to pay attention on the actual filming day, so the rhythm/energy of the interview is kept and the questions isn’t answered twice/already embedded on what they formally just said. More so, a technique I was taught/learned from my old FMP was to keep silent in some parts of the interviews, as the interviewees would naturally fill the silence themselves and bring their own thoughts onto the table. 

In terms of content, London is rich in terms of resources. It hosts so many hot spots for this fan culture and explore it in real life, in real time.

Some ways this can be executed:

Recall past major events (e.g. BTS Samsung AD that played in Piccadilly Circus that garnered so many fans).

Fan Hang-Out Places (e.g. Gaza cafe, specialising in Korean dessert, in Soho decorates their stores when members of the boybands and make special one-off desserts to commemorate their birthdays. A tradition among fans has then been developed where they make a pilgrimage to this place, to celebrate their favourite members’).

Replicating their steps (e.g. when BTS visited London in their last tour, they took pictures around London when they went exploring in their own time; fans replicated the pictures they took). 

Regular Kpop dance classes are held (e.g. BASE studios near Vauxhall).

BTS has an upcoming tour for their latest album, Map of the Soul:7, which includes London as one of their stops. There will be fan-led events leading up to the concert to celebrate their return. 

Potential Interviewees

There are few interviewees I think would be good options. Twitter was a good resource to look into, as it is one of the main hot spots for this culture to exist in. In particular, I would like to interview the following:

Lucy Ford (@lucyj_ford) - social media for Netflix

Ellie Bate (@eleanorbate) - buzzfeed reporter

Ikran (@ikran) - buzzfeed reporter

These girls are all what I call “professional fangirls”... They all have media jobs and respected in their profession, yet have unapologetic enthusiasm for BTS and their community (they have good followings on their social media too). They offer insightful but also equally fun things on the day to day through their twitter accounts; I think they would offer the same in a personal interview. Most importantly, they’re all close friends. I think they would have excellent chemistry on screen and their natural friendship would light up the interview. 

I would like to interview fans too, of all different backgrounds and races, inquiring how the band has impacted their lives. I want to achieve something similar to this, but communicated in my own personal style and design (rather than the typical, point and shoot interview). The content I want to capture is definitely there (in what they’re saying, how their band affected them personally, their community)...

Note: Professionally, I would like to only involve fans who are 18 years old and above, so it doesn’t interfere with filming; if I choose people who are 16 years old, it would require a legal guardian to sign a consent form and they have to be on set as we film - this could be a lot of hassle. Even though I’m not getting a full scope of the demographic this way, I think this would be the more sensible option. In addition, I feel like leaning towards the older end will give me more articulate, in depth answers. I think it would be a good idea to contact those who already has a platform, whether its a Twitter account with a reasonable following or a Youtuber who post videos. In a way, I feel they would feel more at ease at being in front of the camera and good at expressing opinions/feelings. I feel like I would do less teasing out of information during the interview if they naturally bring the information themselves.

I also plan on getting in touch with some UK based fanbases to help me boost the idea and find people to interview. This includes:

@BANGTANUK  @BTSUKUNITE @UKBTSARMATION @BANGTANSCHOLARS

____________________________________________________________

I look forward into narrowing this project further and progress onto fully forming the project. It feels very much my own and I’m ready to take care of it. 

Next steps:

Create proper pitch deck to send to interviewees*

Compile list of potential interviewees and rank them

Contact and introduce myself to interviewees

Create skeleton structure of the documentary*-

Create draft for interview questions*

Run a test interview (to check which questions work)*

Refine Set Design with accurate measurements*

Prop Buying

Contact potential Builders for the set

* urgent tasks - just because the film is non-fiction, planning is required and I must recognise where the beats of the film should be. This is something I failed to do in the D&AD project. Although I am crafting a narrative from non-fiction pieces of information and is dictated by the content of the interview, I should’ve known where to place them in advance. 

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Superior Spider-Man #17-19, 23, 27-32 and Superior Team-Up #5, #7 Thoughts...Sorta

Because of the 2099 event coming up I have ambitions (and lord knows if I will succeed) of re-reading the 2099 centric stories published in the 2010s, chiefly Peter David’s Spider-Man 2099 solo-books. I never actually finished reading that stuff nor did I finish writing posts for each issue/arc but I’m willing to try again.

It’s been so long though and now the stuff has been collected I thought it’d be best to not simply pick up where I left off but both refresh my memory and be more of a completionist about it.

Hence I decided to skim  the Superior issues featuring Miguel O’Hara and to a lesser extent Alchemax with a mind towards the scenes featuring both. This is both to save me time (no pun intended) and because you know...fuck Superior.

As such this is far from comprehensive and I’m likely missing information but for the sake of completion I’m making these posts.

So first of all I’m not going to overly critique the inherent concept of Superior, Otto’s characterization, or anyone else’s characterization (sans 2099 relevant characters); especially as they relate to the Superior concept. It’s shit. I’ve said that endlessly before. If you are chomping at the bit to hear specifics regarding these issues then all I shall say is Slott writes Otto as cartoonish with Saturday Morning style villain dialogue whilst Yost in Team-Up, just like virtually EVERY writer sans Slott to handle the character, did better.

NO ONE hearing Otto talk as Spider-Man should be fooled into thinking he’s the real Spider-Man because he doesn’t sound anything like he did before he changed his outfit, started using more violent methods, employed supervillains as part of his Superior Six, had 4 metal arms come out of his back and had a hold gang of henchmen at his beck and call. But in spite of that at least Yost’s dialogue was more nuanced. Whilst it sounds like something Otto would say it also sounds like the Peter Parker Spider-Man merely skewed. He’s more condescending, egotistical and bluntly insulting than Peter ever was but he also doesn’t sound like a middle aged man from a 1960s comic book.

This brings us to the dialogue in general in fact. As a fan of the MC2 universe and older comics I ENJOY older style dialogue...in MC2 stories or older comics. The MC2 universe was it’s own off to the side sandbox that was deliberately trying to evoke the Silver Age, but it could break from that when appropriate. And older comics were just written by the standards of the time. Slott though his dialogue was written if anything in a more antiquated style than what the MC2 usually went for. Seriously all he’d need is to throw in some old fashioned words and social attitudes and it’d be ripped from the 1960s.

In a mainstream, main universe set title the dialogue style should be reflective of the times, whilst obviously avoiding the bad stuff regarding modern dialogue. One of my frustrations with many modern comics is that characters will speak outloud because modern standards dictate that thought balloons for anyone who isn’t the lead character of the story are bad for some asinine reason. On that front I do give Slott credit as he avoids this. He has no problem giving any character he wants internal thoughts and even still makes the lead, Otto, stand out as he has thought captions not thought balloons like everyone else. It’s just literally the word choices he makes that’s the problem. It’s inorganic even by comic book standards and is overly exposition laden. This is where editorial boxes or the recap pages could help out by getting that exposition out of the way. But instead we need to explain a story from over 20 issues earlier twice across 2 issues or alternatively just take it on faith the reader remembers the stories.

It doesn’t help that he inconsistently will use the third person narrator once in a blue moon.

The dialogue also impacts upon the characterization because frankly Miguel and Tyler Stone are...off...

In fact a lot of the characters besides Otto feel rather bland and samey because they are just actors in the plot that is being told and nothing more. Miguel is distinct for little reason beyond his use of future slang. Now I’ve only read the first trade of Spider-Man 2099 so maybe some of these terms pop up later but if Slott invented ‘bithead’ and ‘jammit’ it’s cause for cringe. The larger issue though is that Miguel’s status quo is set up by Slott but not his you know...personality. Okay in fairness he gets across Miguel has a little bit more edge to him than the regular Spider-Man and is not as prone to the same kind of humour in battle. But the latter is likely less Slott getting the character and more him just writing him pretty generically. The sarcasm, the arrogance, the sardonic aspect of Miguel is totally absent.

This is a problem if you were a 2099 fan showing up to see your fav or if this was intended as set up for a spin-off which it absolutely was. I mean shouldn’t set up for a spin-off character give you an impression of their personality. Shouldn’t you want to follow the character as opposed to the admittedly interesting situation the character is in?

But that’s Slott all over. He’s awful on characters 99% of the time but he’s good on concepts 50% of the time. The initial 2099 arc is a great microcosm of this.

Miguel wants to avert Alchemax’s evil influence in the future but we are merely TOLD that it is evil but see little evidence to corroborate that. He is willing to destroy himself, his grandfather and his family lineage to do that but then he has a change of heart. The set up for that change of heart is briefly presented and we smash cut to after it has already happened, we see none of the internal gears turning to demonstrate his mind changing, not even a quick panel of his eyes narrowing or his brow furrowing.

O the flipside (again no pun intended) though I genuinely adore the idea that Liz Allan and Norman Osborn in effect founded Alchemax and the involvement of Tiberius Stone and the conundrum of Miguel needing to protect him. In fact Tiberius comes off as one of the more interesting characters in this. I liked how he deduced his own relevance to the future and was just a sleazy asshole.

Another thing compromising the introduction of Miguel is his presentation.

The arc is rather bewildering because it introduces functionally an alternate version of the original Spider-Man 2099 but also takes it on faith you already know about Spider-Man 2099 in the first place.

Which frankly wasn’t a reasonable presumption.

Like okay sure people know OF Spider-Man 2099 because if you are a comic book or Spider-Man fan long enough your pick up there was a future version of him sooner or later, it’s just plain osmosis. And he’d been featured in two video games in the then recent past.

But not everyone plays video games, watches Let’s Plays, or would have read comics from 20 years ago, especially considering the 2099 stories haven’t even been collected in trade yet. Hell the last time A version of Spidey 2099 appeared it was in 2009 and was a distinctly different version altogether.

So Miguel’s reintroduction should’ve been handled differently, the first shot of him in action should have been the Stegman splash page not him preparing to leap off into action, we should’ve seen his supervision in action instead of just being told about it, we should’ve had his other abilities demonstrated to us. I mean I  know what they are and how they work for the most part but how would someone who’s a new/unfamiliar fan have a clue?

Perhaps the worst example of this is the fact that Slott’s stories, both in the initial 2099 arc and later, reference Miguel and Peter meeting before. There is no further exposition, there is no editorial caption referring to when this occurred (in the initial arc anyway), you are just supposed to accept this has happened before. That is until Superior #32 but more on that in a moment.

But even for new readers this is bewildering. Newer fans might in their head’s wonder if this is referencing the Edge of Time or the Shattered Dimensions video games, which it definitely isn’t because those are clearly not canon to Peter Parker. Older fans like myself might immediately jump to the Spider-Man Meets Spider-Man 2099 one shot from the mid 1990s. But that’s never explicitly referred to until Superior #32 which was published not just after Superior wrapped up but in fact after Miguel’s solo-book had been launched!

More confusingly  IIRC the one shot factors into the original 2099 series so it shouldn’t apply to this alternate version of Miguel and indeed the marvel.wiki lists the one shot as featuring the original Miguel NOT the one starring in these stories. Much like Spider-Girl #10 Slott decided to canonize something he had no business canonizing.

Anyway one final little criticism I have of these stories in terms of writing is that Miguel helped create Spider Slayers using future technology (why would you fuck up the timeline like that??????) and he was able to deduce Otto wasn’t the true Spider-Man. How the fuck can a guy from the future who met Peter Parker ONCE and very briefly tell Superior Spidey is an imposter but Aunt May, Kaine and Mary Jane can’t?

Because contrivance thy name is Slott.

Let’s briefly discuss Superior Team up and Superior #32.

Miguel’s involvement is essentially meaningless in the former and he’s absent from the latter but credit where credit is due Slott did give us a fun little jaunt through the 2099 future...which is not the setting of Miguel O’Hara’s solo book so you know...that was kind of pointless beyond setting up Spider-Worst (not my joke but it’s appropriate). I have little else to say on the issue beyond that seeing more murdered Spider-Heroes sickens me.

Finally let’s talk art.

These books were drawn by Ryan Stegman (Superior #17-19), Marco Checchetto (Superior Team-Up), Humberto Ramos (Superior #23) and Giuseppe Camuncoli (Superior #27.NOW, #28-31).

Ramos is Ramos which is to say anatomically offensive though seeing him briefly draw Miguel wasn’t too bad. Camuncoli was better but I’ve never liked his style. True he got better but still not great.

Stegman meanwhile I think was good. Now this is 2013 Stegman. His RYV, Venom and Absolute Carnage work runs rings around his work back then and before that. It’s very stylized but it’s still good. In fact the stylized look of it works for the concept behind the series. Characters look darker, edgier, in a way uglier and somewhat caricatured which fits in a series about a villain. His double page spread for Miguel though looks awesome, one of the all time great images of the character.

Checchetto meanwhile was the stand out. His work just look gorgeous to look at but it was still evoking a darker aesthetic it fit the idea of a book about a villain very, very well.

Not much to say about these issues. I am debating if I’m going to make a similar multi-issue post when I skim through the Miguel parts of Spider-Verse since I never posted about them back when it was happening, but we will see.

So I recommend reading these?

No. No I do not. I recommend flipping to the pages of Miguel in costume and looking at the art but that’s it.