#anyway hope you like this one | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

transpoettryinghisbest · 2 years ago

Text

It’s time for another projecty headcannon fic lol. This one feels kinda canon? And that’s good enough for me. Trigger warnings are in the tags.

“Well, if it isn't my favourite detective.”

“Fuck off, Gavin.”

“Hey, that's a little mean. I was only going to ask you for-”

“No. Okay? Whatever it is, I can't do it for you, I'm up to my eyes in work as it is. I've got piles of paperwork, I'm investigating three different crime scenes, I have to prepare my testimonies on each of them, and I have to find time to order more fingerprinting powder because I'm almost out. So no, I don't have time for your 'only' this, I'm too busy with every-”

The room spins. My vision blurs a little, but I try to focus on one spot.

“Fraulein? Something the matter?”

His voice sounds distant and foggy. I go to reply, but I can't. All of my energy is focused on keeping myself upright.

Not here. Not now.

“Ema. What's wrong, are you okay?”

“I'm fine.”

My head is throbbing. I feel Klavier take my arm and lead me somewhere. I'm too weak to resist.

“Sit down, just get your breath back.”

I lie my head back against the wall and close my eyes. I feel marginally better.

“Should I get help? An ambulance?”

“No.”

“But this could be serious, I don't…”

He's freaking out. He doesn't want me to realise, but he is. It's making me feel dizzier. No matter how many times I've been through this, it doesn't get any easier or any less scary, and him panicking isn't making it any better. I barely have the strength to explain it to him, but I try.

“VS,” I manage to get out.

“Huh?”

“I have VS. Look it up.”

He hesitates. “I'm going to get Herr Edgeworth.”

He leaves, and a moment later I hear him come back. I open my eyes a little bit and see the red blur of Mr Edgeworth's suit. I close my eyes again.

“Ema, did you have another fainting spell?”

I nod.

“Did you injure yourself?”

I shake my head a little bit, trying not to worsen my headache.

“She didn't actually faint, Herr Edgeworth, she looked like she was going to, so I sat her down.”

“That was good thinking, Klavier. Ema, do you want me to call someone or do you just want to sit here for a few minutes?”

“I'll sit.”

I think about all of the work I have to get back to after this. I'm just wasting time.

“Alright. Klavier, can you stay with her? I have to get back to work. Just don't stand her up too quickly, and if she stops breathing, then you need to get help. Otherwise she should recover on her own and not need any medical attention.”

Klavier looks bewildered. “Is this…a normal thing?”

“Legally, I'm not allowed to disclose anything about my employees' health, you know that.”

“Right, but-”

“She'll be fine, Klavier. Ema, do you need anything?”

I shake my head. And he leaves. Klavier stays, but still seems uncomfortable.

“Does this happen to you a lot?” he asks.

“Sometimes. Not for a while.”

He gets down on the floor across from me.

“Ema. I know you hate me. But I'm worried about you.”

“I know. I can tell.”

“Can you please tell me what's going on.”

I sigh. “Vasovagal Syncope or 'VS' is when a person's blood pressure drops due to overheating, emotional stress or standing for a long period of time. It results in dizziness, tunnel vision and loss of consciousness. It's not dangerous to the patient unless said patient is over 60, in which case the fall may cause harm.”

He blinks at me, clearly taken aback.

“It's not serious, Gavin, my body's just overreacting cos I've been stressed out lately.”

“Sorry I added to your stress.”

“Eh, it's what you do.”

“Have you always had it?”

“Well anyone can experience it, but some are more prone to it. I guess I got lucky. It's also genetic.”

“You seem to know a lot about it.”

“It's better to be informed. Otherwise you're just on the floor and you don't know why. I was ten the first time I fainted. I didn't know what was going on, I thought I was dying.”

“That must've been scary.”

I can't remember what caused it. I just remember waking up on the floor of my maths classroom with my ears ringing and everyone staring at me. They kept trying to talk to me but I just felt so sleepy. I didn't know how I got on the floor. I felt like I was in a weird dream or something, begging to just be back to normal, learning about boring equations. They called Lana and told her that I should be careful from now on and learn to manage my triggers. So since then I've tried my best.

“These days it's just annoying. I used to tell people I was clumsy and would slip on the floors so that if they ever saw me on the ground they wouldn't freak out. I didn't want attention and I didn't want to be treated weirdly, so I just stopped telling people.”

“At least Herr Edgeworth knows.”

“My sister told him. She used to be his boss, so I've known him since I was a kid. But I wasn't going to tell you. And you can't tell anyone else, okay? Or your life won't be worth living.”

“Are you sure that's wise, Fraulein?”

“I mean it, Gavin, don't fucking test me.”

“Alright! I'm sorry. I get it.”

“You don't. You really don't. Don't act like you know what this is like. I have to deal with hostage situations, domestic abuse, child murder. I've seen too many dead bodies to count, but I faint over a bit of fucking paperwork?”

“Ema-”

“I didn't choose this path, I'm not cut out for this. But they need me, so I just have to get on with it. I'm wasting my time talking to you right now when I should be working. Just leave me alone.”

I stand up.

And wake up on the ground.

If a person experiencing VS faints or comes close to fainting, they must wait fifteen minutes before getting up again. Recovery can't be rushed.

My ears are ringing. My head really fucking hurts. I can sense Klavier over me, but I don't want to open my eyes and look at him. I don't want to hear him tell me he told me so.

“Can you hear me?” he asks.

I nod.

“Okay. That's good. Should I get Herr Edgeworth?”

“I don't know.”

I start crying.

One of the side effects of VS is emotional distress. Not because it damages your limbic system, but because the feeling of losing control and awareness of your body, even for a second, really fucks with you.

Klavier starts stroking my arm. Usually I'd shove him off and tell him not to fucking touch me, but I don't have any energy. It's kind of comforting, though I don't want to admit that.

“You're gonna be alright, Ema.”

“My head hurts.”

“You hit it pretty hard. Is that normal?”

“Yeah.”

He very gently turns my head up, then lowers it back down again.

“Okay, you're not bleeding.”

I'm shaking, still pathetically snivelling to myself. I don't know how I'm going to live this down. I can't let this get out. If the higher ups learn that I have a fainting problem, they're going to question if I can really do my job. They're going to make me wear something that documents my VS, making people be extra gentle around me all the time. I can't live like that. I'm not this problem.

“I can do my job, Gavin.”

“Well right now, I think it's safer if you stay on the ground.”

“I can do my job. I can't let this stop me. I can't let anyone find out. Please.”

“I won't tell anyone. You can trust me.”

I don't want to have to trust him. I don't like him. And I don't like that he's actually being nice for once. If he can take this seriously, why can't he take everything else seriously?

“Are you sure it's just work you're stressed about?” he asks me.

“You're not my therapist.”

He chuckles. “No. But I do care, even if you don't want me to. You should tell Herr Edgeworth that it's too much. I'm sure he'd understand.”

“I can't. I can't let him know that I'm not good enough.”

“You are good enough. I've seen you work, you're smart, and you don't give up easily. Clearly, because you're still fighting.”

“I don't want to be a detective, Gavin.”

“Huh?”

“I don't want this. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a forensic investigator. This was just to help me get there. But I failed the exam.” I cry harder. “I don't even know why I'm still in this job. I failed.”

“Is that what you're so stressed about?”

“I don't know.”

Crying is making my headache worse, my head feels like it's splitting open.

“You could always try again. There's no law against that. If you study hard, focus on what you think you screwed up last time, try not to drive yourself crazy, you might just get in.”

“You really think so?”

“If this is what you want. I know I can't stop you from getting whatever it is you want, why should anyone or anything else?”

I sniffle.

“Well it's worth thinking about, anyway. Are you ready to get up yet?”

I shake my head. I'm not risking passing out again, even if I don't want to stay here.

“Okay. Take your time.”

“You can leave if you want to. I know you're probably busy.”

“Nonsense, I wouldn't leave you like this. Not until you're upright, at least. Besides, Herr Edgeworth told me to watch you.”

“You wouldn't want to get in trouble with the boss.”

“And I wouldn't want to risk one of my friends getting hurt.”

“We're friends?”

“Sure. Aren't we?”

Usually I have no problem telling him exactly what I'm thinking. Why do I suddenly feel bad? Am I too harsh on him? Does he not know what my problem with him is?

“What if I sing to you?” he says. “Would that make you feel better?”

“Do you want to be the next one to slam your forehead into the ground?”

He laughs. “You're worse than any of the critics. You've always been forthcoming with how you feel, it's something I respect about you.”

“Well what do you expect? Me to be some kind of weird suck up because you're a pretty pop star?”

“You'd be surprised how much I get that.”

“Oh poor you.”

I think about it for a moment. I guess it would be kind of grating if no one ever took you seriously. But Gavin chooses to act this way.

Well he's not acting like that now.

“How long's it been?”

“Since you fainted or since you started to feel faint?”

“Fainted.”

“Fifteen minutes. Give or take.”