#anyway here's some stuff that's on the board so more people see this

[trasho-pando2011]

just seeing if I can post a whiteboard link without somebody fucking it up again

[your-fave-is-bi]

Hooray the minthara knockout recruitment method worked!!

[callsign-bobsgirl]

Baby On Board

Pairing: Bob Floyd x f!Reader Summary: There seems to be a misunderstanding between you and the Dagger Squad about your husband's callsign. Word Count: 1.3k Warnings: Unbeta-ed, rusty writing and one clumsy allusion to smut. Otherwise none.

When the gang found out that Bob could actually talk to women, they were shocked.

When the gang found out that Bob had been talking to, coming home to, and loving on the same woman for the past ten years, they were somehow less shocked.

What shocked Bob — although in retrospect it probably shouldn’t have — is just how adamantly everyone insisted on getting to meet the Mrs. Bob Floyd. The mystery that the quiet WSO kept under wraps. This Friday at the Hard Deck, seven o’clock.

Which is what he groaned into your neck early that afternoon after Mav had sent everyone home early as a reward. The two of you lazed about on top of the covers, the box of clothes half unpacked and forgotten at the foot of the bed the minute Bob walked through the bedroom door.

“I was hoping to keep you to myself for just a little longer,” your husband whined; turned humming as you ran your hand through his hair.

“I’m more hurt you didn’t immediately tell them about your hot wife in Lemoore,” you muse, “I mean what if I came down to surprise you, hmm? What if I popped down to the Top Deck before we permanently moved down huh? And that … Flameman or whatever tried to hit on me because he didn’t have it burned into his skull that I’m the lovely Mrs. Floyd hmm? What then?”

Groaning, Bob lifted himself to his elbows, pressing kisses to your jaw, “When we meet Hangman at the Hard Deck, he’s probably gonna hit on you anyways, if nothing else than to try and get a rise out of me.”

“Ah yes, you and your famous impulsive temper,” you tease.

Sliding a hand from Bob’s torso up to his shoulder, you quickly flip him over so you’re on top. Grinning cheekily you lean back on your haunches, getting to work on Bob’s belt while he fiddles with the hem of your t-shirt, waiting for his turn to strip you of the offending cloth.

“I’ll talk to my sister, see if she can’t reschedule some stuff for Friday,” you say, reaching your hand down your husband's briefs and getting a pleased hum in response.

—

When the two of you walked into the Hard Deck, you for the first time, you let Bob lead you through the crowds of people and he pointed out the different ranks of aviators, the obvious gaggles of tag chasers, and the old-timers who were loyal to the bar. You did your best to listen but you were busy smoothing down the sundress Bob loved so much and it was really loud in here.

“Stop worrying,” Bob leaned down to say in your ear, “You can run miles around these guys.” The WSO paused for a second, “Maybe not … physically, but in every other way.”

You laugh as you slap the back of your hand against his chest, “will Phoenix be here at least?”

“You see the guy in the Hawaii print?”

“Uh-huh”

“See the woman who just jabbed him with the pool stick?”

“Yeah?”

“Phoenix.”

The two of you approach the pool table everyone is crowded around but before you can announce yourself, a boyish-looking man with amber skin whistles and waves across the pool table, bringing everyone’s attention with him.

“Mr. and Mrs. Bob!”

Everyone clamoured to meet the new arrivals, but you didn’t miss how one of them — a blond, cocky-looking son of a bitch with a toothpick dangling from his lip — held back, only to eventually push his way past an ‘LT. Fitch’. 

“Well Darlin’, it sure is nice to finally meet you,” his grin sure does take over his face, huh, “callsign Hangman, but you can call me Jake,” he says with a wink.

You share a look with Bob — who had just returned from the bar with your cocktail and his peanuts — and yeah, Hangman was exactly as you imagined him.

Saying a quick thanks to your husband and making sure to drag your fingers across Bob’s as you take the glass from him, you turn back to the other blond who won’t stop with the cocksure smirk. If Bob hadn’t warned you that Jake, for all that he was like … well this, was harmless and wouldn’t actually try anything; you’d be throwing the drink in his face.

But you also figured the alcohol would do better in you than on him.

Later in the evening, after everyone had had a few drinks and you’d loosened up, Topman sauntered back over to your stool where you were admiring your husband bent over the pool table.

“I gotta admit, I am mystified at how our Baby on Board managed to snag you,” the pilot kept going, finally getting a chuckle out of you.

‘Cause yeah, ‘Baby On Board’, that was funny you’d give Bagman that one. You didn’t get why it made the rest of the squadron look at you weird though.

“What?” you ask. 

You also couldn’t stop yourself from chuckling when Rooster swatted the back of Hangman’s head, but Phoenix is the one who elbows herself up to Hangman, going between glaring at him and raising her eyebrow at you.

“You … you do get what Bagman’s saying about Bob here, right?”

You nod, still not getting where the miscommunication lies.

“That Bob is … you know, a baby?” she explains.

Right as you emphatically exclaim, “fucks!”

And boy if that didn’t get the guys hooting and hollering, as your husband’s face turns bright pink.

Did these guys not get it? There’s a reason your Robby was one of the only two squadron members who’d even made it down the aisle. The way his hair was never out of place in uniform, how it bounced when he was out of it, and how soft it felt between your fingers. Those blue eyes that demanded your attention and turned you into a puddle when they darkened. Did his squad think you could let him do more than an hour of yard work in the summer, chest all sweaty and glistening before you beckoned him back into the privacy of the house? Or even worse, when he danced from the kitchen to the living room, carrying mugs of hot chocolate, on Christmas in those ‘family matching’ pyjamas.

‘Bob is a baby’ for the best of the best in the navy, these people were fools.

“I don’t get what the big fuss is,” you tell the aviators, “honestly, with every year that passes I half expect a kid to reach out from wherever he’s been deployed over the years.” Which gets another round of laughter out of your husband’s colleagues.

Robby knew you knew how insanely in love with him you were and how much you trusted him, and you knew how deep his devotion to you was — which is why instead of defending himself he just hid his red face in your hair. Already hearing the jokes he’ll face on base next month. You bringing a hand up to clumsily yet comfortingly cup his jaw helped though.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Payback says sincerely, “it's just that the Bob we know, the Bob we work with … it's kinda hard to see the Bob you know in him.”

And that’s when you realize. If Robby hadn’t told his squadron anything about you, then he definitely hasn’t said anything about …

“No I get it, my Robby can be on the quieter side, and probably downplays his moves at work” You hear Robby groan in your ear, knowing exactly what you’re about to reveal; and you gear yourself to revel in the shock you’re about to create. 

“But he did get three kids out of me.”  

The yelps of surprise and demands of proof had everyone in the bar glancing over at the pool table, but you and Bob just laughed at them as he handed over his wallet: showing off the five of you in the small ID window.

_____________________________________________

A/N: this is 100% from my own misunderstanding of Hangman's joke the first few times I watched the TGM, I truly thought he was implying Bob must always have a baby on the way because look at him??? Anyways, first time posting in the fandom. Come on over and say hi! And ... idk, live laugh love long and prosper.

also s/o to @sailor-aviator for helping my brain when it wasn't braining ♡

[goldsainz]

# RAFE CAMERON — IT'S OKAY, I'M OKAY !

MASTERLIST !

REQUEST !

001. SUMMARY !

✯ you move away after breaking up with rafe, but when you see him again, all the memories surface back up.

002. WARNINGS !

✯ talks about drugs (being high), toxic relationship, angst.

003. NOTE !

✯ not my best work, but i really wanna post more rafe stuff, besides high infidelity. so i hope you all like this, and don’t forget to like and comment/reblog 🫶 also back to back tate mcrae inspired fics????

word count : 1,5k

You hadn't been back to the Outer Banks in months. The last time you were here, everything felt different. You felt different. The sun on your skin, the salt in the air. But that was before. Before everything went to hell.

It had been months since you left. Months since you packed up your life,, no goodbyes, no explanations. You just... left. Left him behind. Rafe Cameron. Your high school sweetheart. The guy you swore you'd grow old with. The one who somehow turned into a complete stranger.

The breakup had been a mess—dragged on for weeks, filled with drunken arguments, silence that was more suffocating than anything. Rafe, the guy who used to make you feel like the most important person in the world, became this distant shell of himself. Lost in his own head, his own haze. He was high all the time, and his addiction turned him into someone you didn’t recognize. You tried. You tried to hold onto the love you thought was still there, but you couldn’t. It was too much. His unpredictability, the way he treated you—his behaviour hurt, and you couldn’t take it anymore.

So, you left. You packed your things, boarded a plane, and moved across the country. You thought that maybe distance would give you the space to heal, that time would make it easier. But no matter where you went, you couldn’t shake the part of you that was still back here, still stuck in the Outer Banks with him.

You hadn’t planned on coming back—not anytime soon anyway. But when you got the invite for the Midsummer party, something about it made you weak. Maybe it was the pull of the memories, the urge to close that chapter. You told yourself it was for closure. To see old friends, check in on your family, maybe get some peace of mind. You told yourself you could handle it. You told yourself you were okay.

But the second you stepped onto these familiar streets, everything shifted. The air felt the same, the ocean crashing in the distance sounded the same, the people—the ones you used to know—were still here. But something was off. Something was different. And it was him.

You didn’t expect to see him tonight. Not like this. Not with her.

You saw Rafe the second you walked into the bar, sitting at the corner with Sofia. His arm was wrapped around her waist, her laugh filling the air. It was a laugh you used to know, sweet and carefree. Now, it felt like a knife twisting in your chest. You’d always known Sofia had a thing for Rafe. Who didn’t? He was Rafe Cameron—the golden boy, the charming disaster everyone wanted a piece of. But seeing them together, seeing him with her, hit harder than you thought it would.

The memories flooded back, quicker than you could stop them. Late nights falling asleep in his arms on the beach, his head on your chest as he whispered how much he loved you. Days spent walking down the pier with his arm around you, everything feeling like it was supposed to be that way, forever.

And then the bad came rushing in—those nights when he'd come home late, smelling of smoke and alcohol, the arguments that always ended with him promising to change, to be better. But he never did. You remember the nights spent crying, wondering if you were enough, if he even cared about you anymore.

You try to shake it off, to stop the thoughts from overwhelming you. But they don’t stop. They never stop.

Before you can turn to leave, though, Rafe’s eyes catch yours from across the room. His gaze locks onto you like he’s seen a ghost, pulling you in, and for a moment, everything stops. The noise in the bar fades, and it’s just you and him. His expression shifts—confusion, surprise, and maybe something else, but it’s hard to tell. You don’t know how to read him anymore.

You should leave. You need to leave. But before you can make an escape, Sofia looks over too, following Rafe’s gaze. She smiles, polite but cold. It’s the kind of smile that says, I see you, but you're not a threat. You feel the sting of it.

And then you feel Rafe. He's standing behind you now, close enough that you can feel the heat of his body. You want to scream, to punch him in the face, to ask him why he couldn’t just be better. But instead, you swallow all the anger, all the frustration. You can’t stay here. You can’t. The past is too much, the memories are suffocating, and you can already feel your heart breaking again just by being near him.

I need to leave. I have to get out of here before I lose myself again.

It’s a lie. You don’t want to leave. You don’t need to leave. But you know that if you stay, something inside you might crack, something you won’t be able to piece together again. And you’re done with that.

Rafe steps in front of you before you can move, his body too close, blocking your path. His eyes soften, just for a second, but that old coldness creeps back in fast. He doesn’t speak at first, just stands there, like he’s trying to figure out how to fix everything that’s broken. But you know better now.

“Why are you leaving so soon?” His voice is softer than you expected, like he’s genuinely trying to pull you back, keep you here, keep whatever this is from slipping away.

You feel the weight of his words, but you won’t let them drag you down. You cross your arms over your chest, trying to keep your cool, but your heart’s racing. Every part of you wants to scream at him for all the shit he put you through. But you don’t.

“You don’t get to ask that,” you reply, your voice tight. “Not after everything.”

Rafe’s face shifts—confusion, regret, maybe even a flicker of guilt. But it’s gone before you can even process it. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. You’ve lived without him for months now. It’s been hard, but better. It’s better.

His hand moves like he's going to touch you, like he's trying to reach you again. But the moment it gets too close, you flinch, pulling away. His hand hovers for a second, then drops, and you can feel the sting of that lost connection. But you don’t let him see it. You can’t.

“We were good together, YN,” he says quietly, his voice almost desperate. “We had something real.”

“No,” you snap, shaking your head. “You were high. You were always high, and you were toxic. I had to leave. You—you changed.”

His jaw clenches, but he doesn’t argue. He stands there, looking at you, like he’s trying to figure out the right thing to say, the right way to fix it. And you just stand there, feeling the weight of all the lost time, all the broken promises, and you know you can’t go back.

“I’m sorry,” he says, finally. His voice is low, the words sounding... real, maybe. “I’ve been trying to change. I’ve been... trying to fix things.”

But you’ve heard it all before. The promises, the apologies. They’re just words. And you’re not falling for them again.

“It’s okay. Be with her. She’s perfect for you.” you whisper, your voice shaking. You don’t want him to see how much it still hurts. You don’t want him to see the part of you that still cares.

Rafe’s face falls, like you slapped him. But you don’t care anymore. You’ve had enough. You turn to leave, but before you can, he grabs your wrist. His grip is tight, like he’s scared of losing you for good. You don’t fight him. You don’t even want to.

His touch burns like fire, but you take a deep breath and pull away.

“Don’t leave like this,” he pleads, his voice raw.

You look at him—really look at him—and you feel everything you’ve lost. The love, the hurt, the broken promises. And then, with all the strength you can muster, you say the words that are finally going to set you free.

“You don’t get to make me stay, Rafe.”You rip your wrist from his grip and walk away, not looking back. Not even when you hear him call your name. Not even when you hear the pain in his voice. Because no matter how much it hurts, no matter how many times you tell yourself you’re okay, you know one thing for sure—it will never be okay.

[piggyinthemiddle]

🐷 'Gaining' Diaries with Porky 🐷

Hi, I felt like writing again. It's been a while. :D

This might not be a usual gaining diary as you're used to. Over the past few months I didn't manage to get as big as I wanted to be, mainly due to stress, getting sick and simply not having the time to eat and lay and stuff as much as I need to. But now being with an encouraging and enabling partner, I can feel the pounds being added to my belly again and it's amazing- anyways.

I didn't realise until now how hard it can be to grow visibly fatter at a certain size. Can see the number on the scales get higher but I feel like my gut and rolls remain the same, it's frustrating. However many of you and my partner keep telling me that I'm "obviously fatter than a month ago" and all that so maybe I'm just getting blind to it? God knows.

Does this happen to any of you? Am I going a bit crazy? 😂

________

As for the actual gaining progress, as I said it's kind of stuck around the 400lbs mark at the moment. I didn't lose weight, nor did I gain a lot unfortunately. I maintained for a while. What I can say is that my belly felt less bloated and stretched out as it did when I was really pushing my limits. My stretchmarks calmed down a little bit, my lower belly felt heavy, yet more "settled" and squishy.

I started stuffing again a few days ago and I've been struggling to move properly ever since, needed to get used to the tightness again. I keep the belly on full display for my partner to enjoy when they're around and I've never felt so proud of being such a fat pig before tbh, having someone to impress with it feels so good.

Apart from that many wondered how they feel about my being this fat and getting bigger without intentions to stop: They're enjoying it. They're treating me to dinners, they enjoy patting and jiggling my belly and they keep making comments about the road ahead. Just today we planned out a trip for tomorrow and they went "We should go to (location), I want us to see it before you're too fat" so trust me, they're fully on board and enjoy it. They're aware of me becoming immobile at some point and if they weren't into it, I doubt they'd still be here and watch and even help fattening me up until I am. 🐷

Also can we quickly appreciate the size of my hand compared to my rolls real quick because this snapchat picture is just 👌✨️🐖

Honestly still can't get over that this is actually my body now. Just typing that is exciting. Some of you who I've chatted with were wondering if I ever regret getting this big and I understand the concern but.. guys I'm so happy? I always looked up to the gainers and fat people on YT and all, I never thought I'd ever get there and now look at me. 😌 Such a big pile of lard. No regrets. None.

I doubt anyone even reads the entire thing but some times I just love writing about this, anyways have a good day byeeee porky out 🐷🫶 also add me on snap because half of the stuff never makes it to tumblr okay that's it

Snapchat: porkysnap2022

[darqx]

HEEEY MACARENA (ALRIGHT!)

Here's some long overdue BP and HH asks :) I tend to combine the two since there's not as many as the RADs, so this starts with BP and then moves into HH/Gen qs.

BP

MUAH ~ (I actually doodled this some time last year for fun and whimsy, based on those long mouth kiss meme pics XD)

A very quick overview of these types!

Vescordem: Maneaters/cannibals, excessively tall and strong.

Aleores: Minor dealmakers (goods and services). Jaw can unhinge and has venomous bite.

Sollicio: Major dealmakers - soul stealing ability. Often very good looking, has ichor powers.

Voxter: Ability to project 'thoughts' into someone else's mind - you ever have an intrusive thought? Same concept. All have a unique mark across the top part of their face.

Caumacies: Maneaters/cannibals, very strong. Has a third eye which sees only in heat vision - rarely opened simultaneously with normal eyes.

Hmm M or MA15 i think 🤔

You know, i actually have an idea for a game that has nothing to do with anything I'm currently doing XD One day i'll actually have time to make it, maybe. But anyway currently my actual project is i'm planning on making a comic \o/

I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE that i have thumbnailed like 70 pages of this bloody thing and i'm still only in the first quarter of the planned chapters lol OTL Once i finish thumbing the chapter I'm on I plan to go back and render the pages properly before starting to post them :D

...which should hopefully give me a buffer as i repeat the process for the next chapters |D

You know, the concept of my characs being comfort characs for someone will never get old for me. It just tickles me pink ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ This answer will have two levels to it.

It's fine to RP or ask blog with Rire - he's one of my more "known" characs thanks to BTD so as long as credit is given (and it's made clear I'm not running the blog so it's not canon) then it's cool.

I'd prefer if no ask/RP blogs are created for any of my other BP or HH characs, as they are not as known yet. This may be revisited once i actually get the BP comic out but for now it's a no, sorry! (Though, if you are RPing in like...a private Discord with other friends who know who the characs are then I'm a bit more lenient with that.)

The reason for the BP/HH level is that ages ago when I had started establishing my own characs more, I randomly happened to find a forum where someone was RPing as Izm and .D but no one else knew who the characs were and so they clearly thought the RPer was the original artist and creator. Said RPer was not dissuading anyone of that notion. That has stuck with me for forever because at the time i never anticipated that someone would...actually try and do that with an OC. Like, bro srsly?!

One pet peeve for everyone:

.D: Willfully stupid people

Izm: .D smoking. He could care less if anyone else smokes but .D is not allowed on his watch

Marcus: Having decisions made for him without his input

Zeke: "How's the weather up there?"

Wei Ren: When people think he can't understand English cos he has an accent and so they deliberately speak slower and louder

Geez Caleb why are you damn RUDE

Here's one i prepared earlier! 😌

I'm not sure why you included Marcus as a demon, he's a human lol.

HH/More Gen

There are clubs which are created by students but need approval from the adults to exist.

HH is one of the better boarding schools which generally turn out successful alumni. The "obvious problems" we see are not actually obvious lol.

He doesn't need such manipulations.

Thanks! I hope you are inspired to go forth and create stuff! :D

One of the only perks of being a prefect at HH, really :d

Absolutely not lol

���

4. These types of qs are always amusing to me only because you guys expect me to know but i absolutely do not XDD. Do normal people actually have a fave animal?? I dont even have a fave animal!! Anyway offshoot aside sorry that i can't even randomly assign anything, but if you are interested here is what they might be AS animals lol.

They actually don't have names because they were randomly designed NPCs i drew as like, placeholders |D;

Not including Rire or Nurse Isla:

.D is asexual, Izm is bisexual, and everyone else is straight probably. Caleb and Desmond are violently straight (as in Des is like very 90s stoner bro adamantly vocal about being straight and Caleb will actually try and break your neck for insinuating anything).

I have some female characs but I dont draw them that often as they are more side characs in BP and HH. The ones ive's drawn at least once are Isla (who looks like this, also doodled above), Tish (Des's sister) and Kenzie and Kelly (Zeke's sisters).

Every once in a blue moon i get an ask saying this but whenever i go to check nothing is wrong, so...nothing is wrong they do work |D; As the age old tech saying goes have you tried turning it off and on again? :d

Aren't those kind of things supposed to be...based on yourself??

[totallyhextra]

People? In MY computer?? It's more likely than you think!

The following is a fanvertisment and is not connected to the show. ****Yet.*** *Also yes, this is the fourth time I'm posting this because TUMBLR WONT LET ME EDIT SPELLING MISTAKES!

ANYWAY,

Once upon a time, back in 1987, Dire Straits put out this music video for “Money for Nothing”, which, as you know, was a song about wanting my MTV. 

The video was made by two guys (Gavin Blair and Ian Pearson) on a very moody computer. After the video went out, these two guys went to a pub:

Ian: “Hey, we should make a whole show like this!”

Gavin: “Dude, making three minutes almost killed us.”

And so it was decided!🎉

The two guys were joined by two other guys (Phil Mitchell and John Grace) and created the Hub, which then became Mainframe Entertainment. They got even more people, and then they all holed up in this hotel.

They were mad lads with a dream: a whole cgi animated show, and they made it happen a whole year before Toy Story!

Behold! ReBoot!

(Yes that fever dream was real)

Now before I get any of this:

Let me lay this down. If you can’t with the animation of the first season because it was CUTTING EDGE IN 1994, you can close your eyes and listen to it. ReBoot wasn’t just a CGI gimmick. The characters are fully developed, the voice actors are peerless, the plot is sharp, and there’s so many easter eggs that you’ll never find them all.

Never

(And yes the episode "Bad Bob" was the actual catalyst for Fury Road. Look it up)

ReBoot is about what life is like in a computer (in the 90s, because it was the 90s) called Mainframe (because of course it is). People are sprites, the guys that look like 1s and 0s are binomes (which represent 1s and 0s). Bad guys are viruses, and the good guy is a Guardian named Bob, who is a certified cinnamon roll.

In the first season the eps are light and self-contained, mainly because there was constant friction between the Mainframe studios and the Board of Standards and Practices.

They still got away with some pretty dark stuff, like Megabyte (virus) making Enzo (the kid) watch his dog get sliced open (dog got away, obviously) , Dot (sprite) have a hallucinatory breakdown, and the fridge horror of realizing the thousands of worm things (nulls) that plunged off a bridge to their death were actually people.

And Hex's (virus

best girl) scary face single-handedly traumatized an entire generation. 🙂

But busting through a window was a no go, because WhAt If tHe cHiLdReN dID iT tOo?

Anyway, halfway through the second season, ABC cut them loose, so they were like, fuck it, we’re going to start going hard. The story shifted from episodic to arcs and things start to get serious.

Third season the show moved to YTV in Canada, which gave no fucks about shielding the innocent children.

So it got DARK

How dark?

The UK refused to show the entire season, so the audience there had to wait until pirated copies made it across the pond to see how it ended.

Also by 1997, the animation was gorgeous. (Best example of third season animation I could think of that didn't have spoilers)

The show was green-lit for a fourth season on Cartoon Network, but halfway through production Warner Bros took over and the same fucking thing happened.

Because Mainframe was halfway done, they decided not to scrap all of it, but knowing they wouldn't be able to finish it correctly, Mainframe stripped anything that would hint at Season Four's true ending, then left what remained on a cliff-hanger of angst.

FOR 22 YEARS

(It's also why the last four eps of season four seem to make no sense)

And so it was.

Other crap happened, the soul left Mainframe, and its animated corpse spat out “The Guardian Code” in 2018. 

But never say die! The year is (almost) 2024, 30 years later. ReBoot shall rise from the dead, because here come the documentary!!

Do you dare see what you’ve been missing?

What the (UK) government doesn’t want you to know?? 

Then come on down to ReBoot!

We got:

Magnificent bastards with sexy voices!

(Tony Jay at his best)

Kickass women who could probably crush your head with their thighs and you’d enjoy it!

Innuendos in a kid's show!

💗 This adorable cinnamon roll!! 💗

Insane third season glow-ups!

YOUR NEW GOD

These guys!

(Gay roller-skating binome is my boi. I named him Jerry)

Nonstop cultural refs (You'll never find them all. Never.)

(There are literally videos dedicated to trying)

So many computer puns!

Body Horror!

Existential Crisis!

HAVE I MENTIONED YOUR NEW GOD?

This is it, folks! The real thing, the gem hidden in the moose-filled forests of Canadia!🌲🌲🌲

Take a trip inside a mid-90’s computer!

See the World Wide Web! (omg):

Witness the original purple Gamecubes that randomly fall from the sky when the owner of the computer (OUR GOOD LORD THE USER) wants to play a game. If it lands on people and they lose, they dissolve into mindless energy leeches, fated to tormented by their former bretheren for all of eternity.

Just like in real life! 🙃

So watch the eps! They on YouTube!

I think they're on Pluto, Hulu, Sling, and Tubi too! Also DVDs for people who have the patience to wait for them!

WATCH! BELIEVE! SUFFER THE SOUL-CRUSHING RAGE OF THE SEASON 4 CLIFF-HANGER!* (come on, its fun!)*

HYPE THE DOC!

The more people hype, the better the chances of actually getting it finished.

NOW SHARE THIS WITH EVERYONE!

And now I will leave you with this screenshot from the ep "Painted Windows", where dicks can clearly be seen drawn upon the wall behind the fleeing anthropomorphized television.

(PS: If you heard the clown pic at the top of the page in your head, you're welcome)

IMPORTANT UPDATE

This message is now approved by Gavin Blair! He's an awesome guy. Show him some love on TWITTER (fuck you musk) at @TheRealMrSweary Also, if you want to share this with non-tumblr friends, here is my attempt at a webpage version:

theseventhstarprojects.com/REBOOT.html

[elmushterri]

I don’t have time to draw my ideas out but!

Been contemplating TKH stuff and GunnTech stuff, and I was wondering.

I’ve set up TKH as a spiritual/supernatural/guardian angel thing (that bit needs no introduction to be honest) where knights have their own realm, and magic and such.

Buuut, I’m exploring some other angles too and I wanna know your thoughts.

I was exploring the idea of knights being man-made, a huge science project kinda like GunnTech (btw, I’m only basing this off GunnTech cause the science-experiment-kids angle is more of my au than PJ masks? I’d be stealing from myself + PJ masks is not my property so I could never produce/do anything with GunnTech anyway���). So here, it would probably be something like “The Knight Project” and such. More sci fi/across the spiderverse than She Ra. The rest of it is mainly the same, same weapon power thing, same handbook stuff, just different vibe and origins. Rather than only fighting normal criminals and night time villains like in PJ Masks/GunnTech AU, the main character knights are teens who get to fight giant monsters and whatnot.

What do you moons think? I’ll probably end up showing some concept art anyways.

‼️ This is sorta for people who like the GunnTech sciency / hero/trained kids growing up in a lab aspect, cause once again it’s still just an AU of a property that isn’t mine and I can legally do nothing with. I love the GunnTech story but I can do nothing with it in the future because it belongs to Disney. If you wanna see an ‘original’ GunnTech vibes story with a slight fantasy twinge to it, then this would be for you.

Here’s some ‘mood boards’— note that there would still be cool glowy stuff and true knight forms and all.

The project would probably keep its title, but if not, in this sci fi case it would probably be more like ‘Project Knight’ but till I’ve figured that out it stays.

[jpitha]

Call on Me

Everyone has a "meeting the Humans for the first time" story.

Everyone.

I don't know what it is about them, but they are memorable. They have this... ability to be so odd and yet so intriguing. I think it must have something to do with that planet they come from. I've seen it, but you'll never catch me down on its surface. Even if I could breathe their atmosphere, I'd worry my stuff would just burst into flame. I know it's stilly, but I'd still worry.

My Human story?? Mine is years old at this point, but it still sticks in my memories.

I was working in - I guess the humans would call it Border Patrol - a few years ago in a star system. It wasn't my home system, I just worked here. It was a pretty boring job. Ships would Flash or Flip in, we'd scan them, ask for their destination, they'd pay us their tariffs if they needed to, and they'd be on their way. Sometimes people would attempt to smuggle contraband in, though most of the time that didn't happen.

I can neither confirm nor deny that once or twice we accepted a little "bonus" to be somewhat... lax in our contraband scans. But, you know how it is. Everyone has bills to pay.

Anyway, This one time, we received report that a ship had Flipped in. By now, other members of the Coalition had bought the human made Flip drives, so it wasn't guaranteed that a ship that Flipped was human, but it was still more likely than not. As we completed our initial scan, we were able to verify it was indeed a Human ship, a freighter that was named Honeysuckle.

This ship was odd though. Most of the time when a ship would Flip or Flash in, we'd ping them, they'd reply and we'd scan. Then. if we needed to, we'd intercept.

This ship was completely silent.

No lights, no engines, no comms. We hit them with everything we could think of - even the emergency frequencies - and there was nothing. We called the main station in-system for advice, and they said for us to come up along side and if able, to board, and see what was wrong.

We approached, slowly and carefully; we knew all about how Human ships are well armed and... are quick to defend themselves. The whole time we approached, we were signaling on all frequencies asking if they needed help. Once we were close, we even tried flashing our maneuvering jets to see if they had a complete communications failure.

Nothing.

We circled around the ship once or twice, searching for damage and found nothing. This close we were able to do some deep scanning, and our ship reported that there were many life signs onboard, and that most of them were concentrated in a large hold towards the middle. The command deck and living spaces were empty. Almost as an afterthought, the ship reported that Honeysuckle was vibrating slightly.

I looked up from the report at the camera the ship AI uses. "What does that mean?"

"Unknown. Their reactor does not seem to be operating in overload, though it is currently outputting a high amount of energy."

I stared out at the image of the ship, floating in the midnight blue, wondering.

I clacked my wing covers together once, a gesture of resignation. "We've been ordered to board. Do you see any reason why we shouldn't?"

"We will have to connect directly. We do not have suits with maneuvering jets, and we do not have a docking umbilical. The humans have a Coalition standard airlock though, we are able to connect."

My antenna twitched. "Very well. Proceed to connect directly. I will lead the party onboard the ship."

A short while later, me and two others suited up and went to our airlock. We were just wearing regular suits; we didn't have any armored suits, and we carried no weapons. Remember, we were glorified inspectors. I watched out the small airlock window as the human ship grew closer. With a puff of reaction gas and a heavy thunk we were attached.

Immediately, we noticed the sound.

The human ship wasn't just vibrating, it was playing music. In the vacuum of space, we couldn't hear anything, but as soon as our ship made physical contact with theirs, the vibrations transferred to us, and our ship at once began to play a strange repetitive song. We hadn't turned on our translators, so we couldn't understand it, but it had a strong, regular beat and lots of repeating phrases. I looked at my colleagues and they gestured confusion.

"Ship, what's going on?"

"Unknown. Honeysuckle's vibrations are apparently in the form of a song."

"Is it on purpose?"

"Unknown."

"Is it safe?"

"...Unknown."

I buzzed my wings - like a sigh - and sealed my suit. I couldn't breath their atmosphere anyway, and I had a... feeling that something was wrong.

Our airlock cycled normally, but theirs would not obey our commands to open. However, being humans, theirs did have manual override levers and wheels, so after a few minutes of struggle, we were able to open theirs. Our ship took on the puff of their breathing gasses and safely vented them to space.

We stepped into their ship and before we could close the airlock from the inside, we started to hear the music louder. I snapped my translator on, and the song was translated.

Call on meeeeeeeeee/ Call on me Call on meeeeeeeeee/ Call on me Call on meeeeeeeeee/ Call on me

I listened for a few seconds, but that seemed to be it. I closed the airlock and opened the internal door.

The music was deafening.

Even through our suits, it was loud enough to make my wings vibrate. I can't imagine how loud it was in the ship with all their thick air.

Everything on board was vibrating.

We did a quick tour of the small ship and found nobody. We confirmed from the scans that the Command Deck was empty, the living quarters were empty, seemingly the whole ship was empty.

Finally, we made it down to the cargo hold that our ship had said was the location for everyone. It felt impossible, but the music here was even louder.

I looked back at my colleagues, and they were clearly frightened. This whole thing seemed so unusual and odd and neither of them had met humans before. I'll be honest, I was terrified. I only knew the stories.

Humans were incredible warriors.

Humans were banned from fully a dozen stations.

Human weapons would reduce most Coalition species to a pile of viscera.

Humans could take over the whole galaxy, but found that boring, so they didn't.

Humans make friends with anything.

Humans will take incredible risks, especially if it means helping one of their friends.

I had figured that half of the rumors were fakes put out by the humans, and half were fakes put out by their enemies. Which were which though, I had no idea.

I pressed the toggle to open the door.

My senses were assaulted. It's the only way I can describe it. Besides the music, there were flashing lights, some kind of vapor in the room and the people.

So many people.

More than I had ever thought would be on a ship this size were in the room.

All dancing.

They seemed to be completely lost in the music. I've never seen anything like it before or since. The three of us stood in the doorway, completely in shock.

Everyone danced around us, oblivious. I keyed my external speaker, and said "Hello?" but I don't think anyone heard me. I dialed the volume louder.

"Hello?"

Finally, one of the humans heard that and turned to me, and was so startled they screamed and jumped back. This startled us and we jumped back as well. The scream caused everything to come to a halt. The music stopped, the lights came up, and a voice called out over a speaker system, "It everyone all right? What's wrong?"

I stepped forward, their small binocular eyes pointing directly at me. "Um. Welcome to Coalition System 4589. You didn't respond to any hails or scans, so we were dispatched to check on you. Is..." I looked around again to the dozens of humans staring at me, most of them damp from their odd active cooling system. "Is everyone all right?"

A tall human with closely cropped hair seemingly materialized next to me. Even covered in their... cooling fluid, with her hair damp, she had an air of authority to her. "I'm Captain Lina Franklin. Everything is fine here, it's just-" She turned to look at the crew and turned back to me. "-It's 'Dance Party Wednesday'."

Even through the clear bubble of my suit, I must have made quite the expression. She was familiar enough with our body language - or her ship told her - and she seemed to fall over herself to explain things.

"We have some themed days in the week to help relieve boredom. We do the Dance Party once a month, and the last two times, we had to postpone it because of engine issues, or problems with the ship. This was our first one we were able to do and we must have... gotten carried away. We're fine, thanks for checking in on us. We'll get cleaned up and signal the Coalition Station our destination and purpose."

The spell broken, everyone started to shuffle towards us and make their way back to their stations. The lights in the room were bright and sterile, and the vapor slowly dissipated. Soon the only evidence of what was going on were the lights in the ceiling, now dark, and a rather large speaker system in one corner.

I turned to the captain. "Sorry for interrupting your celebration."

She smiled with her mouth closed. "It's all right. We'll get cleaned up and get on our way." She stopped at looked at the three of us. "It's too bad, really."

"What is?"

"That there are so few Coalition sapient species that breathe the same atmosphere as us. People rarely get to see what we're like. When we're on Coalition stations, we're always in our suits. You got to see us as we are."

We said our goodbyes, and headed back to our ship. As we disconnected, their ship came back to life, and they took off towards their destination, and I sat in my chair, wondering if I really was missing out by not being able to know the humans better.

[emk4444]

Okay y'all I've regained strength.

Idk what it is about me creating these blogs. On the one hand: It's so damn fun, like writing into a digital idea board/diary thing that anyone can see. On the other hand, anyone can see it. And holy. Even as a certified cringy individual it's sometimes too much to bear.

Luckily more people still post Onceler stuff so yipeee :3

Here's something I've had in the works for some time:

👉🧐🎩

I have fixed that one painting atrocity. (not sure if someone else has done it too, all I've seen are complete repaints but not fix like this...)

He looks so handsome 😮‍💨

🥹 this brings me so much joy to compare. They did bro too dirty with the original excuse of a painting. Like, no offence to whoever made it, but it's THE Once-ler, for crying out loud. It's his ridiculously massive and pretentious painting set on a random hallway of his factory, like the greedy, smug show-off he was (I sincerely doubt that 1972-ler would hang a massive painting of himself.)

Anyways here's the (unedited) time lapse:

I might post some more things every now and then. I still do love Oncie but unfortunately my cringe receptors don't budge down, especially not at myself. Yes I'm cringe, yes I'm free to be cringe but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Maybe I'll start posting non Onceler related art too :) (btw, yes you can use my edits if you want but, yk the drill, CREDIT ME >:( Or else.)

🩷 Pink-ler 💞

Take care and stay cringy you freaks ^⁠_⁠^

[incomingalbatross]

One Piece isekai story but. different

So there's a teenage boy. Reads One Piece. Loves the battles, the characters' strength and determination, the wildness of the world and all the adventures.

One day, as sometimes happens, he gets hit by a bus and reborn into the One Piece world.

It takes some time for him to grow up enough to realize it's the One Piece world - he was reborn for real, and his brain takes a bit to catch up to his first-life memories.

His new home is a small, uneventful village in the East Blue, not brushed by the main plot, and our isekai protagonist grows up wondering what to do with this second chance.

Because on the one hand, just being born into One Piece did not automatically give him main character energy. He doesn't have a Devil Fruit and has not managed to figure out how to become a powerhouse like Zoro or Sanji. Probably the smart thing to do would be to take his out-of-the-way location as a sign and avoid anything that looks like Plot.

On the other hand... he's in One Piece. There's so much cool stuff out there. This is everything he dreamed about the first time around. This is the best chance he'll ever have to become someone like Luffy or Zoro, the kind of person he's always wanted to be. How can he not take it?

This bounces back and forth in his brain the whole time he's growing back up. Even staying home doesn't protect you from loss, he learns when he becomes an orphan - this is both an argument for and against going anywhere.

And then. One day in his teens.

Luffy lands in the village.

Our protagonist recognizes him from hundreds of chapters and hundreds more episodes, with his crew by his side - or the beginnings of his crew, at least, there's hardly any of them. This must be early in canon.

Of course he makes friends with them. How could he not? They're the Straw Hats.

And, of course, they uncover an evil plot threatening his village - and, wait, he actually vaguely remembers this arc? Though it didn't go this way in the manga, because he wasn't there...

Huh. He's getting to affect a little bit of canon. And while our protagonist is more focused on making sure nothing goes wrong for the village and people he's grown to love, part of his brain is fanboying about that. He's gotten his brush with the real Straw Hats! He's gotten an adventure with them!

And he does okay. They save the day, and he even helped, and Luffy calls him a friend and even Zoro gives him approval. The rush is kind of a lot.

It makes things click. Our protagonist finally lets one side win in his mental argument. He'll never be happy if he doesn't go out and experience this world, reborn normie or not. He packs his bags and decides to set out, saying goodbye to the Straw Hats on his way. Maybe he'll even get to see them again--

Wait.

Why are they telling him to board their ship.

Why are they asking him to join the crew.

This is way beyond a little canon divergence, and he knows he should say no, knows trying to insert himself into the main characters is insane...

But they want him. Luffy wants him to join his crew, and even a day in his company has made him feel like not just a character but a friend. Who can say no to Luffy?

...And, actually. He's already affected the plot. They got a ship out of this adventure, and he is 90% sure that didn't happen in canon. They tended to swap their ships out a lot in early arcs, so maybe it won't have a lasting effect, but...hey, maybe he won't either! Maybe this is just a little extension of his brush with greatness.

Maybe he can push his luck anyway.

So, with a laugh and a cheer, our isekai protagonist boards the Going Merry and asks - just to see - if he can be the captain.

Luffy says no, obviously, but that's okay. Usopp knows he was never supposed to be here - he's happy just to get a chance on the crew.

[rassvetsky]

Loverboy

jake "hangman" seresin x fem!reader

"Jakey, just have fun for me," your whine brought out a lovesick smile on his lips. "You can't call me every fifteen minutes and actually expect to enjoy your night out."

[1.1k] | incredibly lovesick jake seresin alert, idk what this is im not even sober, am i ever not drunk, anyway alcohol consumption, javy's bromance w/ jake, just fluff actually he's so cute i'm forever gonna stick up for the loverboy jake agenda

reblog and/or like for a kiss, feedback much appreciated! not proofread.

With his back against the outer wall of the bar, Jake couldn't contain the smile on his lips while tapping away on his phone to find your name.

He had no idea how and when it happened exactly, this excruciating amount of pull that you had on him— which had him twirling his imaginary long hair and kicking his feet often after any moment spent with you or as a very natural response to a very casual text you sent, when nobody was around to see.

He was happy to be living up to the nickname you gave him long ago, when that too-good-to-be-true exterior cracked and cracked until he finally revealed his true nature; a loverboy.

Your line dialed for the fifth time as he held his phone up to his ear, the music still pretty much hearable even through the wall. Javy was inside waiting for him, and honestly was quite surprised that Jake would down the rest of his second drink and walk out right away because "I gotta tell my girl about this, she's gonna laugh so hard" but it was the new normal for a long while now, wasn't it?

You finally picked up, a bit later than usual since you said that you'd just be at home— catching up with work and stuff which Jake didn't really listen to the details of, and you couldn't exactly blame him for that. "Hello?"

"Hey, babe." his giddy tone could be felt through the line. "Jus' wanted to check up on you. What are you doing?"

"Ah," you chuckled. "Still working, honey. Same as you left me."

All you could hear was a hum of understanding before he released a deep sigh, leaning further on the wall. "Wish you were here with me, honestly. Javy's such a fucking idiot— can't wait to tell you all 'bout it."

"Jakey, just have fun for me," your whine brought out a lovesick smile on his lips. "You can't call me every fifteen minutes and actually expect to enjoy your night out."

"But I enjoy things a lot more when you're doing it with me."

"Machado's gonna hate me if you keep this shit up, y'know that?" he recognized your teasing tone immediately, huffing out a snicker. "He's still hurt that you wouldn't spend 'Bromance Day' with him."

"Well, his 'Bromance Day' just so happened to be February fourteenth, he should've managed his expectations. I was free on the thirteenth. Not the fifteenth because my girlfriend is an insatiable little—"

"Hey, shut it," you laughed, and he knew you well enough to know that you were shaking your head now, even if he couldn't see. "You should stop grumbling about one of the few people that actually endures your annoying ass, work on your time management and get back to the bar, alright?"

"Right," he took a deep breath again, not even aware that he was holding it— perhaps he was afraid of missing even the tiniest details of your voice, unhappy with the lack of justice the static of the line did to it. "I'm gonna wreck that dart board for you, baby."

When Jake came back home that night, a little bit later than he said he would, but in his defense, you did tell him to have fun. Probably reeking of alcohol and sweat, he figured in his tipsy state that you must be asleep by now, and made sure to be extra quiet while shuffling out of his jacket and setting his keys down by the shoe rack. He tiptoed his way over to the bathroom then, and ran himself a cold shower— mostly to get rid of the scent, and to perhaps go to bed with a clearer head but he was sloppy nonetheless, and a shower without singing wasn't really a good shower.

He still sang some of his favorite songs very quietly though.

But when he walked into your shared room with a warm robe around his body, he didn't expect you to… not be there. It was late. You sure would've left what you were doing to run to his side the second he came back if you were awake, right?

Looking around the room in confusion as if you'd magically appear from behind the curtain and scare him shitless, he took a sharp breath and walked towards the small study you had— a comfortable, quiet space to work on stuff or to just think, and his prediction proved itself to be right because you were right there, arms crossed on top of the desk with your head resting on them, eyes closed, computer still open with whatever you were busy with doing on the screen.

God, he was smiling like an idiot.

"My busy bee…" he whispered to himself, before carefully approaching your desk— making sure to save all your work before putting the computer on sleep mode just in case. With one arm leaning against the desk, he then looked down at your sleeping figure, looking so content despite the awkward position— and he couldn't help the quiet chuckle that left his lips. "Should I wake you or potentially startle you while trying to carry you to bed?"

You didn't even stir.

"You're gonna be the death of me one day." he complained, but tried out a couple of different arm positions that he could potentially use to carry you— with no luck. That's when you finally let out a yawn though, mumbling out his name before slowly pushing yourself off the desk. "I'm sorry— I couldn't figure out how to pick you up. It's easier when you're on the couch—" but then you just wrapped your arms around his neck, getting in a better position for him to pick you up.

Too sleepy to do anything else. Jake felt his heart doing Olympic backflips.

With a secure grip by your waist and the back of your knees, he carefully picked you up from where you were seated, smiling to himself when he felt your lips by his neck, and then a tired murmur. "M'sorry. Wanted to stay awake for you but— work's boring."

He chuckled at that, a soft noise that brought a smile to your lips when your back finally met the cold mattress. "You should've just gone to bed, sweetheart. Your back will kill you if you keep that up."

"It's fine," you replied, only then opening your eyes to see him sitting by the edge of the bed, his warm palm covering your knee with a compassionate smile on his lips. "Bed's cold. You gotta warm me up or else I might actually die—"

"God, such a baby," his tease was followed by a chuckle as he slightly pushed you over to get to his side, quickly wrapping the both of you with a blanket before undoing the belt of his robe, just so the knot wouldn't bother you when he pulled you closer to his chest. "Go right back to sleep, honey. I got you."

And you were content on doing exactly what he told you to do, except, he didn't do the same— but instead, decided to take a good look at your serene expression and sigh to himself, nothing but whispers leaving his lips as he admired you. "I love you so bad, it's not even funny anymore."

a/n: guess which songs jake were singing in the shower. my playlist is very dry lately and im going to steal your guesses shamelessly and then remember you fondly 3 years later when i stumble upon that song again and then we're gonna fall in love and—

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

A Short story of Boo buying Alphonse a “just because “gift, after noticing how hard he’s been working in his store🩷

Just because I can.

So I did more than one gift bc I wanna spoil him.

Boo saw how Alphonse was working hard for the last few days. The pastel punk was actually working a good reputation with the new people coming into town. And because of this Alphonse has been working more to keep the store in stock.

It was nice seeing how happy their boyfriend was about the new money income but a bit worried seeing how tired he was now. So to help give him a bit more of a kick in his step they decided to buy a few things. Well...By a few they kinda went over board and bought a handful of things.

"Good thing I have his wish list from his favorite shop. But also bad thing because now how am I going to hide five gifts?" Mumbling to themselves, Boo looked at the shipping order. There was a new headset for Alphonse since his last one broke, it was kinda funny when it happened. But Al got sad because they were his only and expensive pair.

A cute candy bag for shopping since their boyfriend always sees to forget one thing before leaving. Some body jewelry he told them about that he wanted because he missed having cute stuff. The last two gifts were more of a sexy time thing so those will be easy to hide from him.

Ordering all that a week ago and now since the packages were here now Boo had to quickly get to the front door. Luckily Alphonse went to go hang out with Seth for the morning. The baker sent a text to the brunette to keep Al busy while they get the gifts all set up.

A quick trip to the store for some tissue paper, cute little candy cut outs, and spraying a perfume Alphonse liked. Putting the bag together was really nice as Boo got excited for how their boyfriend was going to react. Texting Seth that they were ready now Boo was buzzed with excitement as they waited in the living room for him.

"Hey Boo, I'm baaacckk did my sugar pie honey bun miss me-" Speaking in a squeaky voice Alphonse cut himself off. Blinking as he sees the gift bad on the coffee table and look back to Boo.

"Suprise!" Giggling, Boo walked to their boyfriend and kissed his lips. Chuckling Alphonse leaned down giving them kisses back and then gestured to the bag.

"What you spoiling me?" Chuckling, the pastel punk let his partner guide him to the couch. Sitting him down and hanging him the bag.

"Duh! You've been working hard and I wanted to spoil you anyways." Waving him off Boo smiled as Alphonse cooed over the bag.

Slowly the pink haired man brought out the gifts and started tearing up. Holding the bag, headphones, jewelry, and snorted at the two sexy gifts.

"Awe Boo, come here spoiling me and makin' me cry and shit." Chuckling with tears he pulled Boo into a hug. The baker cooed at their boyfriend as he held them closely. Burying his head into their shoulder.

"Do you like them?" Asking with a soft smile. Boo snorted as Alphonse gave them a stare.

"No duh I like 'em. Thank you loverboo." Whispering Alphonse then grabbed his phone. "Time to send these to Seth and remind him he's single."

Cackling slightly maniacally, Boo laughed as they watched Alphonse pose with the gifts. Leaning against him the baker thought how happy they were spoiling their boyfriend. Kissing his cheek one last time Boo watched as Alphonse went to put the new jewelry on.

[landorris4]

── ☆ quadrant house

☆ Maybe Lando Norris was more than a friend, and maybe it was time for you to learn that.

warnings: friends with benefits words count: 2.6k

POV Maya

It was the third time that week that my parents had pestered me about moving in with my cousin. I made videos for YouTube and that's why the neighbors sometimes complained about the noise and stuff, after all, we lived in an apartment in Chicago.

After so much insistence on this idea, I finally accepted. Living with him will be fun, after all he lives with a bunch of other people, and I think I know all of them. I sent a message to Max asking if I could come over on Monday and he said he would prepare everything.

The only condition he gave me was that I help with the expenses, and I accepted, after all I made money from the internet and spending time there would generate much more content for my channel. And it would be great to see my best friend, Lando, again.

Right now, I was checking my bags. I'm only taking my clothes, accessories, shoes and some souvenirs, decorations I buy there. Today is Sunday and I have a flight at 7 pm, so I'm going to take a nap before my flight. It will be a seven hour and forty minute flight, I even had time to sleep, but I can't relax on planes alone.

[...]

I just got off the plane and my cousin sent me the address, I'm going to take an Uber because they forgot to clean the house and are only doing it now. It had to be Quadrant.

Anyway, I did everything I had to do at the airport and called an Uber. I would even describe what I did, but it's a lot of bureaucracy. I started filming on the plane and now I was filming some scenes in the Uber as well. Of course, I didn't say anything, I just recorded it and I'll tell you later. I'm really embarrassed to talk to the camera around people.

As soon as I arrived in front of the mansion, I thanked and paid the driver, took my bags out of the car and immediately placed them in front of the door, I sent a message to Max and in 2 minutes he was opening the door for me.

── I thought they were going to let me live in the garden ─ I acted dramatic and he laughed. I think drama runs in the family.

── I missed you, Maya! ─ he said hugging me and messing up my hair, which made me look at him angrily.

── Max! I spent the whole way from the airport fixing my hair and you mess it up when I get here? I just don't kill you now because I'm so tired ─ I said and he just laughed, picked up my bags and took them to the living room.

── Ria, Niram and Aarav went to the market to do their monthly shopping. Lando is sorting out some sponsorship stuff, Steve is still sleeping. Oh, and your room won't be ready until tomorrow, so you'll be sleeping with someone. I'd say sleep in my room, but P is arriving today too ─ he said and I nodded.

── I'm going to stay in Lando's room, I'm going to put him to sleep on the floor ─ I said, picking up my bags and Max laughed, I've always been very attached to Lando, ever since I met him.

Max picked up the remaining bags and took them to Norris's room. I followed him since I didn't know this house yet. It was huge, I would definitely get lost here.

── You can sleep if you want, we'll wake you up for lunch ─ he kissed my forehead and left the room, closing the door.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 10 o'clock, so I decided to take a shower. As soon as I was done, I put on some comfortable clothes and went back to my room. I saw that Lando had a bulletin board and I went over there, writing that I should finish my vlog later. I would definitely forget.

I grabbed my camera and put it on the nightstand. Soon someone knocked on the door and I said they could come in. As soon as the person opened the door, I saw that it was Pietra and smiled. I went up to her and hugged her. It had been a long time since I had seen her, and I really enjoyed her company.

── Did you miss me? ─ she mocks and I laugh, releasing her from the hug.

── Not at all ─ I replied and she laughed.

── I just came to give you a hug and let you go to sleep. The boys don't know yet, so when Lando comes in and sees that there's someone sleeping in his bed, he'll find it strange ─ she said a few more things and then left the room, finally leaving me alone.

I lay down on the bed and was thankful that Lando had a soft bed. I grabbed my camera and said I was going to sleep, I sent a message asking Max to record Lando's reaction when he arrived and saw that I was here and he agreed.

And then, after a few minutes of trying, I managed to fall asleep.

[...]

── NO WAY! ─ I heard a scream and immediately woke up, looking at the door and seeing a disbelieving Lando, and a laughing Max with a camera right behind him.

I smiled at Norris who came running, threw himself on top of me and hugged me. I missed his hugs, they were so warm. Lando and I have known each other since before I moved to the United States, I met him at one of Max's kart races and we ended up becoming best friends, that was about 9 years ago. Sometimes we would hook up, just for fun, but it never affected our friendship.

── Wow Ma, I missed you so much! ─ he exclaimed without letting go of me.

── I felt it too, Lan! ─ he smiled at the nickname and hugged me tighter, falling down next to me and laying me on his chest.

── I'm going now because I feel like being left out ─ Max said, leaving the room and closing the door, which made us laugh.

── What are you doing here, Yara? ─ he called me and I frowned. I hated that nickname.

My name is actually Mayara, and Lando is the only one who calls me Yara. Throughout my life, he was the only one who dared to create a nickname. When he realized that I didn't like the nickname, he started using it just to annoy me.

── Don't call me Yara, Norris ─ I said and he laughed. ─ And I came to live here!

── I missed annoying you, and I'm glad you're going to live here now. I missed you so much! ─ He surprised me with a kiss and I smiled, shyly.

── I'm sleepy, so if you're going to stay here, don't make any noise, thanks ─ I said, turning to the other side and curling up on the bed. The truth is that even after years of intimacy with Lando, I still felt blushing with every minimally romantic action, and at this moment, I'm sure I'm blushing.

── I'm going to help the boys with lunch. I'll come and get you later. ─ He got up, walked around the bed and stopped in front of me. He held my face and gave me a kiss. And how I missed those kisses. In the end, he smiled and left the room, leaving a completely happy Maya lying on the bed.

[...]

We had lunch, and when it was 2 pm, I put on a bikini and went to the pool area. I was listening to music on my headphones when I heard my name being called. There was no one calling me, just Niram making fun of Lando for not wiping the smile off his face since I arrived.

I sat back down on the lounge chair and the boys decided to stay in the pool. After a while, I remembered that I needed to record more scenes for the vlog so I went in and got my camera.

I started going through the takes I recorded and ended up realizing that Max had set the camera to record Lando's reaction, and then left it on the nightstand, but didn't stop recording, which ended up recording the kiss Norris gave me. I laughed in despair, after all, Ria is the one who edits my videos, and I couldn't cut this before sending it to her because my laptop doesn't support editing applications. And to make matters worse, my computer was an ocean away.

I couldn't erase the take, because it was too funny from that angle, but I had to find a way to convince Ria not to tell anyone.

It's not like it's a huge secret that Lando and I kiss at parties. But homely affection like the one in the video, those are secret. To our friends we only kiss when we're drunk, to my cousin we're just friends who have never touched each other's lips, but between him and me there's a mutual agreement of free will to kiss and make out in private.

Speaking of him, the arms that surrounded me were definitely his, his unmistakable scent invaded my senses, followed by a caress on my waist, a body pressed against mine and a head in the curve of my neck.

── Are you okay, Yara? You didn't go back to the pool ─ Lando murmurs, giving small kisses on my shoulder.

── Yes, I just remembered that I need to record a few more scenes and I came to get my camera. It turns out that I asked Max to record his reaction and he forgot to tell me that this camera was also on, so he recorded our kiss ─ I explain and he smiles.

── It's not like it's a secret ─ he says, moving away and smiling mischievously.

── It's not a secret, but it's not public knowledge. Ria will see it and will ask me a lot of questions, let's pray that she doesn't tell anyone ─ I explain, turning to face him.

── Everyone knew for me ─ Lando lets go.

What do you mean? He's the first one to say he doesn't want anything serious when he's with other girls. It doesn't make sense for him to say that.

── Lando, with all due respect, why are you saying this? I can't even count on my fingers how many girls you turned down in the last year, claiming you didn't want to be with anyone and were focused on your career. I remember well every time you called me drunk to tell me you couldn't have a serious relationship.

── Yes, because none of them were you! ─ the boy says and leaves the room, leaving me confused.

What does he mean by that?

(...)

There are few things I don't know how to deal with well. Among them are injustices and adult tantrums, both of which always irritate me. And dealing with Lando Norris today was being impossible, because it was unfair that he made me confused and his childish tantrum of running away from me all day would have to stop at some point.

That moment came at bedtime. He tried to take as long as he could to come to bed, but he found me awake, sitting on the bed waiting for him. Sighing in defeat, Lando went into the bathroom and changed his clothes so he could sleep, and sat down next to me, both of us watching the television that was off.

── So... Aren't you going to explain it to me? ─ I begin.

── There's nothing to explain, Yara. It's obvious that I'm in love with you, if you didn't notice before it's because you didn't want to. I never made a point of hiding that I would do anything for you.

── You never made a point of talking either, did you? ─ He remains silent. ─ Lando, I'm sorry, but it's hard to read your signals when you're with me for a week and then show up at a club with some girl the next week ─ I'm honest.

I don't hold any grudges or resentment over it, but I admit that yes, sometimes it hurt to wake up to pictures of you with a woman hanging around your neck.

── You never wanted anything serious, Yara, you always made it clear that our lives didn't fit together because I'm always traveling and you live on another continent. I had no choice but to make the most of my time with you and then try to forget the desire to return to your arms ─ Lando vents. I can see his back tense and his gaze get lost between the sheets. ─ But now it's a different story. I thought we could finally have that love story from your favorite books. I thought you would finally notice me the way I notice you. Like when I realized you hold your breath every time something bothers you in one of our conversations about privileges. Or when I realized you hate eating plain or excessive cheese but love four-cheese pizza. Or when I realized you wake up with back pain if you sleep on your right side, so I switched sides in bed...

Watching Lando vulnerable was comforting. Knowing that he felt this way around me and knowing that we can have a future made me deeply happy. Even better was realizing that he had been noticing me all along. He saw me. And I won't deny it, until yesterday I thought I loved Lando just as a friend. But today, after all his speech, I realized that it was never just that. It was never just kisses and hugs, it was never just sleepless nights, it was never just mornings with a hangover. It was never just friendship. Lando was by my side every step I took over the last few years and I hoped he would continue to be there for the next few years too.

Charlie Brown Jr.¹ once said: "They say it's impossible to find love without losing your mind; But for those with strong minds, the impossible is just a matter of opinion; And even madmen know that." And he was right. Love is blind and madness accompanies it, just like the fable by Jean de La Fontaine says. It's unlikely that you'll love someone without having a hint of madness in the mix. After all, only madmen are capable of loving someone so much without losing their self-love. And I loved Lando Norris. I loved him so much!

Loving Lando Norris was a lazy Sunday morning, between kisses, sheets, affection and love on a cold but sunny morning. After all, that was the definition of love for me. I won't know how to explain it, but that was it. And Lando was all that and much more.

Unable to hold it in any longer, I grabbed his hand to get his attention and settled myself on his lap, beginning a slow, passionate kiss that lasted until both of our lungs were begging for oxygen. When our mouths parted, I pressed our foreheads together briefly before snuggling into his shoulder in a warm embrace.

── Thank you. For paying attention, for understanding my side, for giving me satisfaction even when you shouldn't, for loving me. Thank you for being you and choosing me to love you ─ I whispered.

── I'm the one who should thank you here, love. Thank you for loving me, even if I'll never be half the man you deserve to have.

── You are more than I need, Lan.

And maybe, in the end, only the crazy ones really knew. And, God, how happy I was to be one of the crazy ones.

¹Charlie Brown Jr. was a Brazilian rock band formed in 1992 in the city of Santos, by Chorão, Champignon, Marcão Britto, Thiago Castanho and Renato Pelado.

[featherandferns]

daylight - nine

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 9 of the daylight series | read part 8 here

content warnings: mentions of sex; mentions of alcohol

word count: 3.9k.

blurb: restless after the argument with JJ, you resort to looking through the journal you kept when you were dating Tyler. Maybe it's time to try and let the past go.

You can’t sleep.

Every time you close your eyes, you hear the argument between you and JJ echo in your mind. The horrible things you said to one another. The perfect avoidance of the truth, as if the two of you were reciting steps in a dance. The thought that everything between you might be ruined keeps you from finding rest.

Mimsy still hasn’t returned any of your calls. Never before have you felt the distance between the two of you to be so gaping. Vancouver feels like asylum that you can’t seek: it feels as unattainable as visiting heaven. You just want to be home, in your old bedroom, in your old bed, surrounded by your old friends. You want to go back to a time before JJ and before Kildare and, more importantly, before Tyler.

Tired of staring at the ceiling, you shove your sheets off and climb out of bed. Stretching, your eyes gravitate to your pin-board. JJ seems to shine brighter than everyone else, it's as if he's backlit. You're momentarily distracted by his radiant smile. By those eyes that could bring you to your knees; the very eyes that captured you before he’d even spoken a word your way. And now, when you see his face, all you can think of is that last conversation. You look away and, like a moth drawn to a flame, or a pirate guided by a siren’s call, your eyes latch on to the shoebox under your bed. 

Something inside of you has you sinking to your knees before it. You guide it out, holding the cardboard like it’s the fragile casing of a bomb. Sitting cross legged on your bedroom floor, you take the lid of the box and lift out the journal. A finger dusts over its worn cover and a solemn smile tries but fails to make its way onto your face. Your fingers crack the pages open. And then, you start to read. 

June 3

Me and Mimsy went to a kegger today. It was pretty boring and not many people were there. We mostly hung out with Kelly and Evan. I played some beer pong - I swear I’m getting better. I ended up talking to this guy called Tyler. He goes to the boys only school in the neighbourhood. He likes country music, which is icky as hell, and he’s a little lanky. I don’t think he likes me very much. We talked for a bit but he didn’t say much, and I felt like I was chewing his ear off, so I went back to Mimsy and decided to quit bothering him. He’s cute though, so it’s a shame. There’s this tenderness in his eyes. I don’t know, I guess I felt sorry when I looked in them. I feel like if he gets coaxed out and given the right space, he might be able to really open up. But if you don’t like someone, I guess you won’t jump at the chance, right? I probably won’t see him again anyway. We don’t really run in the same circles. 

June 17

Mimsy has the flu and I’m scared I’m going to catch it too. I have a photography gig in two days at the hockey club in town and I don’t want to miss it. I think it’ll be really good for the gram and maybe get me some more work opportunities. My post the other week got three thousand likes. How crazy is that? I think I need to get better at editing. That’s usually what sets people’s photography apart. 

June 19

So, the photography thing was today and it was a success! The team were really nice and the coach said he has this sister who’s throwing an anniversary get-together thing in a week or so. He asked if he could pass on my information. I finally feel like this might be something I can actually do, for money and for the long term. Mimsy’s feeling a bit better. I don’t think I’ve caught her bug so that’s a win. Tomorrow I’ll take her some soup and stuff. Oh! And that Tyler guy was at the hockey club too. Apparently he coaches the girls-only team. He was more chatty this time. The guys in the locker rooms had beers and they offered me one, so maybe he gets more talkative when he has a drink? Anyway, we talked for a while. He’s kind of dorky but it’s sweet. He’s a Marvel boy. How funny is that? I don’t think I’ve seen more than five Marvel films and this guy lives and breathes them. I ended up telling him how I thought he hated me when we first met and apparently he thought that I hated him! How funny is that!? He said he gets nervous talking to girls he likes, and when I walked away, he thought he’d messed up. It was really endearing. Long story short, I gave him my number. I think we’re going to hang out in a few days or something. 

June 26

Okay, don’t freak out but I think I’m actually really into Tyler? He’s really easy to talk to. I feel like I can say the most private stuff and he actually listens. We keep meeting up at Billy’s Bagels and talking for ages. He told me about this car crash he got into and I told him about the time me and Mimsy tried to go hitch-hiking and she was convinced we got in a serial killer’s car. He also leaves me these little notes on the receipts. Cute little things. But it’s so confusing, because he won’t make a move. Like, we’ll be sitting side by side and he won’t put a hand on my leg or pull me close. And he never tries to hold my hand. Hasn’t kissed me. Barely hugged me. It makes me wonder if I’m reading everything wrong. I’m just so tired of being the person who always makes the first move and I want him to just do something! I want to know if he feels the same way as me. 

June 28

I’m about to lose my fucking mind. I swear to God, I’m this close to being done with this whole thing. One minute, Tyler’s talking to me like crazy and making me laugh, and laughing at my jokes, and the next, he’s acting like he’s never seen me before in his life. I took Mimsy’s advice, the other night, and when we were walking back, I really dragged it out. And I stood there for ages, outside my house, waiting for him to make a move. We’d spent the whole day together. Got food, went surfing. Then he hugs me. He fucking hugs me. I was livid. I was absolutely furious. I just started walking to my house. And then, I have no idea why, I turned around and chased him down and grabbed him and kissed him. Okay, I basically ran away straight after, but I kissed him. So, great, right? Now we’re on the same page, surely? I mean, he kissed me back. Well, me and Mimsy go out the next day (now that she no longer feels like a corpse) and we walk past Tyler and his friend. I smile at him and wave and he walks straight past us. Mimsy - who said I was overthinking everything - was furious. I think she wanted to run across the road and rip his balls of his body in that moment, to be honest. All I could think about was how awful it felt. It was like last night never even happened. Did I assault him? I mean, did I read this whole thing wrong? He said he liked me, that’s why he was scared to talk to me, but then he fucking ignores me after I full-on kiss him!? I'm just so confused and losing my patience. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth all of this.

June 30

Mimsy tried to cheer me up by taking me to a kegger. Shock horror: Tyler was there. He came up to me about an hour in and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so I said yes. We ended up at that lake near Molly’s house, and we were looking at the stars. I don’t really remember how or why we got there. Then, out of the blue, he apologised. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy apologise to me before. He said he was an idiot for not kissing me the other day, and that he was just nervous and really wanted to. Then he kissed me, properly, and it was perfect. I’ve never felt that way before. I think he’s redeemed himself. I’m a little scared to tell Mimsy though…

July 19

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I got busy. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Tyler, honestly. We’ve been getting to know each other better. He introduced me to his friends and his mom, who apparently really liked me. I’ve been subjected to so much fucking country music. He doesn’t really compliment me though and it’s a little bit upsetting, I can't lie. I like hearing that kind of thing. Like we went for dinner the other night and I made a bit of an effort and he didn’t call me pretty once. Maybe I’m overthinking it. He’s more of a physical affection guy, to be honest. But still. It would be nice to hear it every now and then. He can handle his drink really well though. In fact, he drank Mimsy under the table the other day which was quite funny. He gets all touchy feely when he’s drunk, it’s so cute. He told me that he’s never opened up to someone like he has with me before. Told me things that he’s never told anyone else. He told me about his ex-girlfriend and how she was crazy. I feel so bad for him, that he was in that kind of situation. He laughs at all my stupid jokes. He even told me that nobody else has made him laugh so much before. I don’t know, I get all mushy when he says things like that. I feel like I’m bringing him out of his shell. He said his anxiety is a lot better since he met me, so I guess whatever I’m doing, it’s helping. 

July 24

I slept with Tyler hehe. It was so perfect. He was so caring and kept asking if I was okay and stuff, and I brought up the whole compliment thing and he apologised. He’s so good at taking accountability for when he’s done wrong - it’s so refreshing. He told me I have the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen. I don’t know why that hit me so much. I just think you can tell so much about a person from their eyes. They never age. I'm scared a s fuck though because I really think I might be falling in love with him. Oh no.

August 8

I don’t really have tons to say. Mom and dad got in a big argument yesterday, so there’s that. Mimsy thinks they should just get divorced. It feels weird, thinking about your parents getting divorced. The whole two Christmases and two birthday thing. I don't know, maybe she’s right. They basically hate each other. Dad keeps bringing up North Carolina and how great everything is there. How his life was so much better. Charming, really, when I’ve spent my whole life in Vancouver with him. Really makes you feel special. Tyler’s been kind of busy lately. I keep wanting to go on dates but he just wants to stay in. He told me he doesn’t like PDA. It makes him feel weird. I want to hold his hand but I feel bad. I mean, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, I get to touch him all I want when we’re at home together, so who really cares? 

October 14

Tyler hasn’t called me pretty in over a month. I told him and he apologised. He still hasn’t called me pretty. I miss how it was in the summer. It feels like he’s retreating into himself. I don’t know what’s happening. Why everything is changing? What did I do wrong? I didn't change, did I? 

November 19

I think I was overthinking it all lately. Tyler just invited me to join him and his family at Christmas on Victoria Island. He left me a little note, too, after he stayed at my house. It was really cute. It said, ‘I miss stargazing with you in the summer’. Mimsy says that maybe I need to clarify a few things with him. Set some more boundaries. He always talks about those girls on the hockey team he coaches, and whenever girls come up to him when he’s out with his friends. I like that he trusts me and wants to tell me these things, but also, if I trust him, why does he feel the need to tell me? It feels like he’s dangling it in my face almost. I don’t know, I’m probably thinking about it all wrong. I don’t know if I’ve got a stomach bug. My IBS has been crazy bad lately. It’s so annoying. 

December 6

I don’t think I’m happy with Tyler anymore. It’s like he’s a completely different person. I hardly even recognise him. We don’t really talk anymore like we used to. He says he’s really busy with school and coaching. I'm throwing myself into photography jobs to try and keep myself busy or else I just spiral. I don't want to tell Mimsy because I know what her advice will be. And I'm just not ready to face that yet.  

December 26

I leave for Victoria Island today. I’m meeting Tyler at the ferry station. He asked where I wanted to meet and I left it up to him at first. I mean, the obvious answer is the ferry station. That’s romantic. He can come pick me up. But he said, ‘whatever you prefer’ so I felt like I was putting him out by asking him to meet me at the ferry station. I don’t know. I just don’t even know if he wants me to go anymore. He hasn’t said. He hasn’t even said if he’s excited to see me. It’s an awful feeling, when you feel like someone doesn’t care if you’re there or not. Maybe it’ll be different when I see him in person. It’s been over a week since I last saw him and we haven’t been able to talk on the phone. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just kidding myself. I just think if I’m painfully honest with myself, I don’t want to go to Victoria anymore. 

December 27

I think it's over. 

December 29

I don’t even know what happened. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like I need to get it all out on paper and just walk away from it forever. I think that’s the only way I can even start to make sense of the last six months. It was awful. I fucking hate him and I’m so fucking confused. Jesus, I have been for the past four months. 

Tyler didn’t hug me or kiss me when I got off the ferry, but I guess because he doesn’t like PDA that’s a given. He didn’t introduce me to any of his extended family and left me to fend for myself in conversations. When we first got to the cabin, he sat on the bed and scrolled on his phone with his back facing me for an hour. A fucking hour. Then he went on Duolingo and checked the fucking hockey scores. And I just sat there for an hour after paying for a ferry ticket. Oh, yeah, cause he didn’t pay for any of my travel. When I said I was hungry and was going to get food, he came with me and got himself something. Again, didn’t pay for me. We got his favourite take out. It’s always things he wants to do. I told him I needed a nap and went to my room, and I called Mimsy who was equally as angry. I mean, why the fuck did he call me out there? I’ve never felt so disrespected, so unwanted, in my life. It’s fucking awful. Tyler texted me to meet him and I told him I wanted to stay in. He asked if I was okay and I told him I was angry, and he came to my room. And he was so fucking calm and collected it made me feel like I was overthinking it. Like I was the one blowing everything out of proportion. I told him about how I felt like I wasn’t wanted and he told me that I was. He just said it was weird seeing me in person again. It had been a fucking week. We went out with his family and I put on a brave face, and the whole time he barely spoke to me. Didn’t look at me, didn’t hold my hand, didn’t take a picture of me or of us. I hated it. When I got back to my room, he came over and laid down on the bed. And I told him I was so confused. He just nodded. And he was back to old Tyler. Chatty, familiar Tyler who makes jokes with me and compliments me. He told me how beautiful I was and how pretty my eyes are and all I could think was how he hadn’t said any of that for two whole months. How for two months I felt like I had no idea what was happening. And it made me weak. I hate myself for it but I let him kiss me. We made out and cuddled and it felt like old times, and I finally felt normal again. And then we fell asleep, woke up, and he was back to how he was the day before. Distant and cold and confusing. I think that was when I decided that maybe it was time to leave. 

When we slept together that night, it felt like he almost knew what was going to happen. All of it felt like a goodbye. I tried to enjoy it and feel close to him but I just felt so far away. Afterwards, he didn’t hold me. He didn’t cuddle me when we slept and the next morning, he barely looked at me. He just went on his phone when all I wanted was to be held. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from him, to feel held by him, and he’s never made me feel like I was. I mean, I feel more love from Mimsy than him. How fucked is that.

He walked me to the ferry station and I was wondering what to do. What to say. Whether to confront him and see if I could start a fight. Jesus, anything would do. And for whatever fucking reason, I went for the hail Mary, I guess you could say. I stood there, like the fucking idiot I am, and I told him I loved him. And you know what he said? Nothing.

He said absolutely nothing. 

Then he just nodded - like the useless asshole he is - and told me, get ready for this one, that his ‘family thought I was really nice’. 

I don’t even remember what I did then. All I can remember is sitting on the ferry and texting Mimsy, asking her to pick me up from the ferry station. 

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why this happened, or how, or who he was. He apologised the next day. What for, I don’t even know anymore. Maybe all of it? But all I can remember thinking, when I read that text, was how I just knew he didn’t mean it. It was fucking Pavlovian by that point: he would know I was upset and apologise, and I’d forgive him and believe that he might change, and we’d carry on. What's the Taylor Swift lyric? You're an expert at sorry? That's him in a nutshell.

You want to know the real kicker? When I told him that I wanted to break up, he told me he didn’t know we were even together like that. So, I ask you again: who the fuck was he? I don’t think I’m ever gonna know. 

January 1

Happy new year. I think Tyler’s blocked me. 

February 9

Mimsy just heard from Darren P that Tyler has a new girlfriend. I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t do this anymore. I just want to forget about all of it but I keep thinking of all the little things that I ignored. All the signs from the start. How it took him to be drunk to even acknowledge that I existed. How it was always on his terms. What he wanted to do. What he needed from me. I wish I never slept with him. I wish he never touched my body. It makes me feel sick that I let him sleep with me that last night. I just feel so fucking used and dirty. Mimsy says it wasn’t my fault but I can’t shake this guilt for not leaving sooner, because the signs were always there. I mean, I thought he hated me. Why the fuck didn’t I walk away sooner?

I thought he hated me. 

That’s the final entry. 

You sit and stare at the barely filled page and then snap the book closed as if you just read how the world is going to end.

The condensing of the turbulent six months you spent with Tyler in a handful of diary entries fails to capture the mass of anxiety, paranoia and pain. The restless nights that you remedied by sprinting at the gym. The meals you skipped because you felt sick to your stomach. The parties ruined when you ended them in alcohol-provoked tears, sobbing to Mimsy about how things felt ‘off’ with you and Tyler. The humiliation you felt throughout the holidays and the disgust that lingered after your final night together. The shame that haunted you for letting yourself do all of that, feel all of that, lose all of that, to some fucking deadbeat guy. 

Because that was what it all came down to. It came down to the fact that you let yourself sit there and take it. That because you felt pity for him, and saw potential, you stayed and fought and tried. God, you tried so hard to mould him into the man you thought he could be without looking at his credentials. And now, on the other side of the continent, several months past the whole affair, you finally realise what it was. 

You fell in love with the idea of Tyler, not Tyler himself. 

It's like the revelation hits you in the head like a hammer. Resets your thoughts. Grabbing the box of things, you head down the stairs. It feels as though you’re not in control of your body. Unlocking the back door, you head into the yard. Ditch the box so you can set up the bonfire, igniting it with the lighter JJ gave you. 

You’re breathing heavily as you stare at the flames. It’s like you’ve been boxing in a ring. You guess, in a way, you have. But you’re tired of battling with the past. Fighting against the memories only to get knocked down, again and again. Wounding you so badly that you can’t face the fact that maybe someone might actually care about you, just as much as you care about them. That maybe you can trust someone. 

When you burn the first photo, you feel a little insane. You never much believed in any of the mindfulness crap Instagram wellness influencers preached. The writing-regrets-on-a-plate-and-smashing-it-up type things. But as you stand, burning the memories of Tyler - anything that reminds you of him, anything that he gave you, anything that he took - you feel like you’re coming back to yourself, piece by piece. Watching the embers lick up his face, crackling until its nothing but ashes and indistinguishable remnants feels like healing, plain and simple.  

The only thing that’s left now is the diary. You hold it in your hands like it’s a first-edition copy of the first book ever written. It feels like the manuscript, encapsulating the entire torrid affair of you and Tyler. The final artefact of your silently toxic relationship, keeping you tethered to your past trauma. Swallowing, you toss it into the metal canister. When you open them again, you see the flames already laying claim to the pages. 

And finally, for the first time, the story feels as though it isn’t yours anymore.

For the first time in months, you feel free.

read part ten here!

taglist:

@princessuki21 | @psyches-reid | @heybank | @avengersgirllorianna | @rrosiitas | @yourmumstoy | @jjsfavgirl | @void21 | @fictionalcomforts | @gsp420 | @redhead1180 | @wearemadeofstardust0 | @mrs-jjmaybank | @ifilwtmfc | @heybank | @lilyw1235 | @belle101200 | @maybankskiss | @lillell467 | please tell me if any tags aren't working - I've never done taglists before!

[thoughtsforsoob]

their s/o is a teacher! - nct dream

a/n: lmao ig im just gonna have to ignore that hate ive been getting! I'm gonna write for nct dream this time because for some reasons some MOA's are not being very kind towards my work. That is not an attack towards MOA because I am one of the biggest MOA's I know...it's jut not fair that some of the people I should be cool with are being so incredibly rude...over and over. anyways, that is all from me on that. please enjoy! as always, requests are open!

(I'm gonna add a cut off here so if you don't wanna read, you don't have to)

☆ mark lee ☆

he thinks it's so cute, especially if you teach little ones (kindergarten/1st grade)

he loves asking you about your classroom and how your work is going

he even helps you grade students assignments and he loves seeing what they say on their assignments

he also likes seeing their art work

he meets your students when you have a classroom part and he helps you set up

they immediately start to ask 100 questions, like kids do, ad he is totally okay with it.

he enthusiastically answers all their questions and they love him

they always ask for him every day after that

☆ huang renjun ☆

renjun thinks it's funny if you teach middle school

he is too good at listening to what happened during your day

he laughs at all the stories of students running around and causing chaos

he love's looking at the assignments you give them and tries to do them himself

he whines when he can't get something right and whines even more when you tell him you students got 100% on that question

☆ lee jeno ☆

he's one that thinks you teaching the older ones is cool

you're actually a college professor so he think's that's WAY cooler

he enjoys hearing you talk about the subject you teach and love's to hear you talk about your students and the assignments you gave them

when you offer to give him a your of the campus you work at, he is jumping at the chance

he even buys gear from the university you work at and wears it all the time (the letterman style jacket you got him is his favorite! he wear's it often and even wore it during a soundcheck of one of nct dream's concerts).

you bump into a few students and say hello, introducing jeno as your boyfriend

☆ na jaemin ☆

you teach kindergartners and he adores it

you helps you set up the different bulletin boards in your classroom and helps you organize/set up everything else

he loves to ask you about your lesson plans and you always ask him for ideas for activities and he helps you every time

he really want's to meet the little ones so after the year is done and they are graduating, he attends the event

they ask you, "teacher, who is that handsome man you were with? is that your boyfriend?"

they all giggle and go "ooooo!" and you tell them yes, that's him!

they run to meet him after the ceremony

☆ lee haechan ☆

he would probably find it interesting if you teach high schoolers

since the first time you told him about all your students, he always asks about them and want's you to update them about how they're doing

his favorite thing to do for your students is to send them stuff!

he gives you money so you can buy them snacks for your classroom (and other supplies! my teachers in high school always had sanitary pads, tampons, snacks, and other stuff in them in case students needed them)

he wants to help you make sure your students feel safe in their classroom

he also funds the senior pizza party at the end of the year and even makes an appearance!

☆ zhong chenle ☆

I believe Chenle is also good with little ones since he's always posting with his family (especially his, I believe, little nephew)

he love's helping you choose coloring pages for your students to do when they're done with their minute math sheets (the stress it causes is always rewarded with coloring time!)

he also likes to buy nice supplies for you students

you tell hi not to do it, because kids love to break things and lose them, but he doesn't listen

he love's going supply shopping (he get's all the brand names like Crayola :0)

he also helps grade assignments!

☆ park jisung ☆

you teach middle school and he loves it

he loves hearing the stories of your students acting out during class because it makes him giggle

just give him a glare and he will stop laughing at your misfortune

he helps you grade their papers

sighs every time he get's a that says 'idk'

it's all fun and games until get's those papers...then he wants to flip the kitchen table other and help you quit your job

because he knows how much they stress you out, he's always making sure you're distressing at home.

fetching you a warm cup of coffee/tea, making/buying dinner, giving you massages, helping you with other class stuff.