#anyway here is some nonsense

[impishtubist]

Prompt: Three times Sirius almost murdered someone in public over his fame and one time he tried to use his fame to his advantage (and failed) - bonus points if he was trying to bone someone😬

So, confession time: I actually started writing this prompt when you first gave it to me, without the boning part, so now I feel weird that the "failed" portion of the ficlet involves a child and does not involve boning 🤣

That being said, I think that someone *cough cough* could write a 5 + 1 ficlet about Sirius trying to get laid, and he fails 5 times because no one is impressed with his fame, and succeeds once because, idk, Kingsley is more famous than he is. ANYWAY. Here is your fic. It's very dumb and unedited. Enjoy.

---

“Mr. Black!”

“Lord Black!”

Shit. Sirius shoves his list into his pocket and pops the collar of his coat in an effort to shield most of his face from the cameras. He’d purposely come to Diagon at ass-o’clock on a Sunday, hoping to get his shopping out of the way before the crowds arrived. He’d managed to get gifts for everyone on his list, too, except for Harry.

Harry is the one he always has the hardest time shopping for, because the gifts have to be perfect. He accepts nothing less for his son. 

And now the paparazzi have spotted him, which means that he has to put off shopping for Harry until another day. He briefly contemplates setting the street (and the reporters) on fire as a distraction, but that would only draw more attention.

Instead, he ducks down an alley and Apparates home.

---

Harry glances over his shoulder, and quickly pales. “Uh, Sirius…”

“Don’t tell me,” Sirius sighs.

“Yeah.”

“We’ve in the fucking Maldives.” 

“They have reporters in the Maldives.”

Sirius glares at him, and Harry gives him an innocent smile. “They’re here for you, too, Potter.”

“I didn’t get voted Sexiest Wizard Alive by Witch Weekly this year. They’re here for you.” 

Sirius twirls his wand between his fingers, eyeing the approaching reporters warily. “Do you think I can transform them all into rabbits?”

“I don’t think Remus will bail you out of jail again. Aunt Andy said she wouldn’t, either.”

“Kingsley might.”

“Yeah, because he’s asked you to marry him three times and you keep turning him down. He’d do anything for you.”

“He would, wouldn’t he?”

Harry’s nose wrinkles. “Gross, Sirius.”

Sirius winks. “It’s the Black charm, Harry.”

“Yeah, well, can the Black charm get us out of here unnoticed and without any murder? I want some lunch.” 

---

Sirius steps into Remus’s office, and the whole room falls silent, sixteen pairs of eyes staring at him in astonishment.

“Er,” he says eloquently, “hello.”

Pandemonium breaks out after that, students clamoring for his autograph and his photograph and wanting to shake his hand. If he’d known that Remus held office hours at six o’clock on a Thursday of all days, he wouldn’t have stopped by to visit his friend after the Board of Governors meeting let out. 

“I’m going to kill you,” he mutters under his breath at one point, while three awestruck first-years try to get his attention. 

“No, you won’t,” Remus says cheerfully. “You need your best man intact for the wedding.”

---

“Mummy, I can’t see!” 

“Shh, darling.”

“But I can’t. He’s too tall.”

“Here, Melinda, why don’t you sit on Mama’s lap? That will help you be taller, won’t it?”

There’s some shuffling, and then a huff. “I still can’t see.”

Sirius can’t help it. Curious, he twists around in his seat to find a young girl glaring at him. She can’t be older than Lily Luna, and she’s dressed in a frilly princess dress for the show. Her mothers gape at him.

“Oh!” the one holding Melinda exclaims. “Oh, Lord Black, I am so sorry--”

“It’s quite alright,” he says, giving Melinda the patented and dazzling Black smile. She remains unmoved. “I am very tall, aren’t I?”

“I wanna see the dancing,” Melinda pouts.

“Why don’t we switch?” Kingsley suggests, and he swaps seats with Sirius. 

“You’re too tall, too,” Melinda informs him. “Mummy, can I sit on your shoulders?”

“No, baby, I don’t think the theater would like that very much.”

“But how am I supposed to see Clara?” Melinda demands. “And the dancing?” 

“We’ll switch seats with you,” Sirius says, and both of Melinda’s mothers look mortified.

“Oh, no, Lord Black--”

“We couldn’t possibly--”

“I insist,” he says, getting up, and Kingsley follows him. The two women get up after a moment’s hesitation and take their seats, Melinda on one lap. “Is that better, my lady?”

“Yes,” Melinda says, not sparing him a glance. 

“Melinda,” one of her mothers scolds. “What do we say?”

Melinda turns around to look at Sirius. “What’s your name?”

“Sirius.”

Her nose wrinkles. “That’s a funny name.”

“Melinda!”

“Thank you, Sirius,” Melinda says primly, and then she turns around again, Sirius utterly forgotten.

Her mothers are bright red. Sirius leans forward.

“My granddaughter is five,” he says to them. “I've never been so humbled in my life.”

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

[booplesnotts-art]

Everyone’s favourite resident mother

Hated my last Alcina drawing so finally did a better one😌

This time in colour too gasp she’s on a role

[cherrirui-official]

New hyha looks weird, why is Salty bald??

@saltydkart-reblogs

[r0semultiverse]

The whole Lila & Five season 4 situation can be summarized by this tumblr post

[graveyardrabbit]

oh package of deer teeth I just got in the mail, you are the only part of this day that’s gone right

[hanzajesthanza]

(Adam Dudaczyk) The fact that vampires drink blood to get that *meaningful hand-neck gesture* - you made that up? (Andrzej Sapkowski) Yes, I didn't model myself on anyone here, I don't know anyone who wrote before me about the fact that vampires drink blood not to satisfy their hunger, but to satisfy their thirst for… entertainment. Texts: the guys sent me to get blood, I was flying drunk… The fun was great.

as i reread this i couldn't stop thinking of this meme

[indecisive-dizzy]

Alright the Gravity Falls brain rot is kicking in (aka I watched a 4hr video overanalyzing ATOTS <3 iykyk)

So have a loosely thought out concept of a hypothetical Welcome Home x Gravity Falls au with my "Hear me out!"s This is a long one, you've been warned <3

Wally - Dipper

Sally - Mabel

Julie - Stanley

Frank - Stanford

Eddie - Soos

Barnaby - Wendy

Poppy - Abuelita

Howdy - Gideon

Home - Bill???

Ok hear me out! (under the cut) Please ignore typos <3

Very quick clarification! For this au everyone is at least in their teens and I'm gonna add their ages as I elaborate. Ok? Ok!

Gonna Start with Poppy and Eddie. In this hypothetical au Poppy is Not Eddie's grandmother. Originally I thought of assigning Poppy the role of Lazy Susan but I wanted her to have a closer connection to the rest of the cast. And Abuelita fit the role well enough for me! She's just a sweet homebody who wants to knit and bake in peace. Eddie tells her all about work and Wally and Sally visit. <3

So Poppy and Eddie live together as Roommates/Family. Poppy took Eddie in as a teen (16ish) when she was in her early 20s (22-23?) He views her as a big sister. And she views him as a little brother. Anxiety siblings <3 (yes I hc Eddie has anxiety) Eddie started working for the shack soon after being taken under Poppy's wing. He's a tad forgetful and clumsy but is a very reliable handy man and a good friend! He's got a big heart and worries about Julie sometimes.

Currently, as in the time the au takes place, Eddie is 24 and Poppy is 30-31.

Julie and Frank would in fact make a Fantastic Mabel and Dipper. Tbh I think I've seen the comparison before. Which is exactly why I'm not doing it! They're not twins here but they are childhood friends and very close in age, Frank being slightly older. Currently, Julie is 57(?) and Frank is 58(?). (Ages aren't confirmed, all I know is I want them to be A Bit younger than the Stans. Currently this would put them in their late 20s at the time of the portal incident)

I feel like people sometimes forget that Frank is not against resorting to violence lol. Which is great for post portal Ford (and maybe Paranoia era Ford. bbg was not afraid to use that crossbow.) And Julie is a girl bossing business woman! She's scamming people selling breen to the tourists! Whatever that is! Tbh Big inspo for this decision is Relativity Falls, like I said these two make for great mystery twins.

So! Wally (15) as a teenage Dipper! It's just Wally but his curiosity is bumped to 100. Still the same lil guy but he's got a hyperfixation on the supernatural and cryptids. Maybe he hasn't quite figured out his style yet, maybe he's a bit more awkward, I dunno.

He kinda didn't want to spend his summer here but ends up enjoying himself as he makes friends and gets to over indulge his curiosity.

Sally (15) is Wally's adopted sister! By sheer coincidence they have the same birthday but Sally always points out that she's older because she was "born at sunrise!" She's very adventurous and is often the one leading their escapades. I imagine she meets this aus equivalent of Candy and Grenda at the local theater. Very much wants to be her own person, separating herself from the Adopted Twins thing. Not in a bad way! She loves Wally very much but wants people to see her as Sally! Not just "Wally's Sister."

Barnaby (22) is very laid back and so is Wendy. Yeah I don't actually have a lot to say? Um. He does the bare minimum work but is a good friend to Julie. He's real observant and can tell she's not always as bubbly as she seems But she's also his boss so he doesn't pry. Instead just offering a distraction or a rare bit of advice..

Oh! There's a parallel with him and Wally and Wendy and Dipper. Except Wally just wants to be friends with Barnaby but doesn't quite know how to communicate that. Maybe he just kinda follows him around the shack hoping to figure out what to say?

Thinking their relationship is literally the recent quote from Clown's Q&A: "Barnaby meeting Wally felt like business as usual, and Wally meeting Barnaby felt like meeting the whole world." yeah that's it. Sums it up Perfectly <3 Wally thinks Barnaby is really cool and friendly. And he wants a friend who treats him like he's mature. Like he's 15, not 5. And Barnaby does that right out the gate. Calls him kid but obviously doesn't treat him like a small child.

Ahem. Capitalism. Howdy's (21) a filthy capitalist and wants the shack for Profit. I don't think he'd resort to literal breaking and entering to get the deed? Can't make Profit from jail if he gets caught. But he's definitely trying to buy the property off of Julie. Maybe we stray further from Gravity Falls canon and say he gets an early redemption bc I'm a sucker for this goof. It would be sometime after taking the shack (and losing it.) Oh but he does summon the Evil. Can't break the law if the law doesn't account for Interdimensional Demons!

On that note, Yes Howdy could be Stanley. But again. That's the easy way out! Also in my brain that would make,, idk Barnaby? Ford. And I couldn't do that.

Ok final (wh) character. Home. So I'm on the side of Home Isn't Evil/The Antagonist. He's just a guy (house)! A sassy fella! But someone's gotta be the Eldritch Horror and Unfortunately, Home,,, well he's a lil quirky!

But idk How to incorporate Home. They speak in onomatopoeias! They're a house! Is Home now a Vague 2D House Shaped Demon? Do the have Limbs? Wear a top hat? Do they talk now? Home speaking words feels cursed. But I genuinely don't what else to do? Maybe we suspend our disbelief and they still talk through banging shutters. Everyone just understands them bc Cartoon logic pffff maybe they have subtitles projected into your brain that only you can see idk lol.

So obviously there's Way more GF characters than there are WH characters. insert characters [(y/n)] aren't my thing for aus so that's a no go for me personally. I imagine the town is filled with characters we've heard of outside the neighbors (Ma Beagle of course lives in town.) Maybe some of Howdy's family is here who knows. And the rest would be randos or ocs I guess! Tho I don't believe Julie's siblings are in town.

Anywho this is all hypothetical and I made it up and retyped things as I went along. I wanted to ramble some nonsense so I did! If you read it, Awesome! You sure did that!

[3416]

just need to give a shoutout to all the people who interact w me or the things i make on here for the love and good vibes. twitter's been pissing me off the past couple days and i just think it reaffirms i'll never really leave tumblr bc the fandom culture here is just so much.. more lol

[novelconcepts]

There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.

What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.

With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.

Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.

It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.

That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.

It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.

In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.

[necrotic-nephilim]

-debby ryans at you- how are you feeling about that thunderbolts* trailer, snookums. your old blog is trying to crawl from its grave.

you are an unhinged rat for sending me this ask i hope you know <3 you already knew that but i'm telling you anyway bc you're a rat bc now i have to explain myself-

this is from @eebuckley my partner <3 i've alluded to it in the tags of this blog but i used to be a semi-popular MCU blogger from like 2018 to 2020. (semi-popular for the ship i wrote, anyway) and since like, probably Infinity War/Endgame i have been slowly more and more disillusioned by the MCU ranging from only passively being interested in projects to outright despising them if i saw them. which sort of sucks, given how much i loved the MCU at it's height. i was like. aggressively into it. like a "i had asthma attacks watching trailers bc i got so excited" level of into it. maybe cringey in hindsight, honestly but yk. whatever brings you joy, ig.

and anyway- my partner witnessed my very real and normal reaction to the Thunderbolts* trailer and now i'm *mad* bc i'm actually excited about it. it made me feel about the MCU a way i haven't felt in years, especially after a lot of announcements that rlly pissed me off.

cannot believe it looks like we might actually get a comics-accurate Yelena and a comics-accurate Bucky. i'm such a sucker for Bucky Barnes, he's one of the only Marvel characters i actually read Marve comics for and i'm forever bitter how badly he got screwed over. if that movie is good i'm going to end up writing fanfiction. probably crossover fanfiction bc over my dead body will i write just plain MCU fanfic. and i'm a Jason Todd/Bucky shipper anyway so i could make it work, i think-

anyway TLDR is i'm excited and i'm mad about it and how dare yo expose me for being an MCU fan on THIS blog. you coulda send this ask to my MCU blog that still exists and i have occasionally used. but instead you *exposed* my ass on my refined DC blog as a filthy Marvel fan. i will be divorcing you again. ty gn ily

[xayspancakeee]

to those girlies who are hot diggity lucky in pulling two 5⭐️ cards from the same ongoing event banner in one go-

you are definitely god’s favorite and i am always amazed and happy for you cause girl- mama has not experienced such a phenomenon before since day 1 and i must be doing something unholy somewhere? must be the unholy thoughts that plague my mind when a new banner drops? pfft, but i can’t help it.

please sensei(s), teach me your ways and share thy secrets. i am a broke rat (in this economy) and need some tips if there are.

[in-asterism]

all the details in this didn't translate so well into a drawing, so I wound up just writing

you can probably figure it out, but this is set immediately after Luce's death

They steal into the Giglio Nero headquarters like a ghost, slipping through half-open doors and winding hallways. Giglio Nero is old, and each new Donna has built on the bones of the last, turning a once-modest estate into a sprawling compound. 

Viper knows every hallway, had spent their time in I Prescelti Sette mapping every secret path in their Sky’s house. 

They let their feet settle on the ground, choosing to walk the last stretch. With an infant’s body, every step only takes them an increment further, but today is significant, and they need the grounding. 

The heart of Giglio Nero was once the inner sanctum of the Arcobaleno- but embittered Elements tend not to stay long after being chained to the world. It was called the Nursery, which, in hindsight, was deeply morbid. 

They slip into the chambers of the Sky Arcobaleno, and settle on the dais where Luce lies. The indigo pacifier stays dim.

 Her neck is bare, her skin is cold, her eyes are empty. Viper doesn’t know how long they stare into those hollow eyes, but eventually they manage to reach out and close them. Luce deserved to turn her gaze away, even if only in death.

They can’t look away.

Her white dress, the uniform of the Sky Arcobaleno has become her funeral shroud. Cold impersonal white, a monument to the purity of her flame, to the duty of her death. Her blank face, orange marking garishly bright against death-pallor. 

It’s so, so wrong.

Luce is warm, and she smiles, and she is always moving, even just a little.

She hated to be still. She made a point to smile, always, even when she cried because there were things that the world could not take from her, and her reactions were one of those things.

For it to end this way-

It was always going to happen, really. The lot of them had lived their lives, exceptional but still sensical, and then somehow found their way into a fairytale. Even the Strongest Sky could not subvert the laws of her narrative.

But it hurts that she wouldn’t even try. That she laid down and waited for Him to come. That she walked up that mountain with the poise she brought to every other tragedy.

 The people they hate most are liars, and Luce was always a liar. All that sight, blessed gift of a dead goddess, and she could never even admit the truth to herself. Pathetic…

They twirl a strand of bluish hair around chubby fingers, but they can’t stay. Within Giglio Nero’s halls, there are always eyes on the ‘precious’ Arcobaleno- already the pacifier has been passed to little Aria, and soon her predecessor’s body will be discovered. 

Best to just go. Time is money after all, and Viper is wasting it here.

[lennsart]

Btw if anyone thought I forgot/became normal about the french Zelda encyclopedia

I'm just building up proofs, THE STICKY NOTES ARE IN

[sleepinglionhearts]

here, have some of the things that have been in my sketchbooks for a while

[priafey]

things the US needs to address:

the collective psychosis that leads people to make posts like these