#anyway had an doctor appt this morning in which i was told that a lot of my pain is probably anxiety based which. lmao. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

feijoaaas · 2 years ago

Text

i’m questioning whether or not it’s right to share my story here but maybe the more stories are shared of how it works in other countries, the more proof there is in case anyone wants to riot and say it can be done a different way (and by riot i mean voting out the republicans in local and national elections)

so, i got cancer 4 years ago, hodgkin’s lymphoma, it started really with me feeling like i had a fever every night and my back was itching all the time, i felt weak during the day but i was like oh well maybe i just have a cold whatever, i didn’t pay attention to it even though it was weird and unlike any cold or fever i’ve ever had. what happened a month later is overnight there was a bump on my neck, just above my collarbone, like the size of a ping pong ball almost so i was uh huh that’s probably not something that should be there let’s get an appointment at the health centre. i live in sweden btw

from there on it was a rollercoaster ride for about a month, it all happened very quickly, the health centre sent me off after a blood sample immediately to the hospital for x-rays, this was on a thursday, by monday i was due back at the hospital for a biopsy of the bump and more checks, many more, they told me to bring someone with me, more x-rays, i was first there in the morning by myself for a biopsy and when i walked into the room where i thought i would see one doctor there were instead 4 doctors that turned to greet me, i realised. oh. maybe this. not. just a weird cold

by wednesday morning the same week i got a call (still didn’t know anything because nothing had come back) because they wanted to sedate me to surgically remove the bump to then send it off to lab, because when they stuck needles in it on monday they couldn’t get any info out of it, and the woman calling asked me if i had had anything to eat yet because they had gotten an available surgical slot the same afternoon and i was on the surgical table a couple hours later

and. it was a lot of appointments until i knew and they knew what it was about 3 weeks later. cancer. lymphoma.

here’s how it works in sweden. when you go to the health centre it costs 150-200SEK for an appointment. at the health centre you see doctors and nurses and for serious issues where if they need to refer you to hospital either for surgery or specific doctors, they refer you and depending on what it is it can take a week or a few weeks to get to hospital and some surgeries and such have a waitlist of like maybe a few months. it depends a bit where you live and what it needs doing but anyway the health centre appt. is roughly $15-20 per visit. same goes for hospital visits, if you’ve been referred

but here’s the kicker. we have something called ”högkostnadsskydd” and it literally means high cost protection, and it exists for both prescription medication and for medical visits

for medical visits, which include both health centre visits, hospital referrals and actual medical procedures and surgeries and treatments and even for seeing someone about your mental health, the high cost limit is 1200SEK per year. so about $120.

what that means is that if you’ve made enough appointments in a years time, the count starts from when you make your first one no matter when in the year it is, if you reach the threshold of 1200SEK, which with the cost of 150-200 per visit gives us 6-10 visits in a year, after that you don’t pay anything for one year.

with prescription medicine you pay full price up to 1200SEK, from then to 2300 you pay half price, from that to 4200 you pay 25%, and between 4200 and 5900 you pay 10% (it doesn’t even say what you pay after that so either people don’t even pay that much or it’s just free or you just keep paying 10% of the price idk)

by the time they actually knew what was up with me and were ready to start treatments with chemo, i had had so many appointments that i’d reached the medical visits threshold, meaning i didn’t pay anything for my chemo treatments, not anything for the follow up hospitalisations where i had to spend the night or a couple nights at the overnight stay in the different part of the hospital because i became so violently ill and puking all over the place that they admitted me so they could give me fluid via iv because i def couldn’t eat, i didn’t pay anything for another surgery where they put a little dosage thing on my chest and connected it to a vein so they wouldn’t have to jack me in the fold of the arms with needles, i didn’t pay anything for the several blood transfusions i had to have because it just wiped out my red blood cells which made me anemic (normal side effect) which were separate of the treatments. btw blood donors are literal life savers and if you are eligible to be a blood donor and it’s possible for you to be a blood donor, i encourage you to please be one i am sorry for saying the word blood so much and i’ll be real it was very weird to stare at a bag of someone else’s blood go into you but anemia is like you’ve run up a hill for three hours and you’re completed wiped out but instead it’s your red blood cells are low and instead of the hill you just tried to stand up but felt like passing out

anywho. i paid nothing is the point. when i had already done the rollercoaster ride of getting checked out and x-rayed and this and that and surgical biopsy i had reached the max and my 3 month treatment was something i didn’t pay one dime for

so. it can be done. with healthcare for all, and a possible slightly higher cost of taxes, which increases as you earn more money, as it should (although the same as with really rich people in sweden as in the US, the richest pay less percentage wise than the bottom bunch, but they still gotta pay some. not like the top guys in the us who apparently pay literally nothing)

and while i’m on the topic of this, insulin has been free in sweden since the 50s. so yeah, that guy or that company that’s holding insulin hostage in the us and absolutely shooting the cost of it beyond the moon (because it’s actually so cheap to make and the guy who invented it made sure the patent was free exactly so that fucknuts couldn’t profit off it)?? yeah those people. i really wish they could be thrown through a guillotine and come out feeling divided about the choices they’ve made in life

there are some medical treatments that are in fact not covered by the high cost protection but those are such rare things and i don’t even actually know about what that treatment would entail or for what kind of illness or ailment, in fact i’ve only ever in my life heard about one such case in where it wasn’t free essentially and it was like in the ten thousand dollar area, but that’s it. i’ve heard one (1) and that was just a article in a newspaper one time one day that i happened to scroll by. so. we’re not perfect but we’re doing pretty good

oh and also, because this is something i’ve learned in like the past year, that getting an ambulance out to you is like several thousand dollars in the US so all those scenes in movies where someone yells call an ambulance! are apparently not realistic and that’s why people drive themselves there or gets their mate to drive them (or just doesn’t go because it’s too expensive anyway). in sweden if you need an ambulance and it comes out, it’s 500SEK, so roughly $50 and that’s a cost that’s been made recently since an ambulance can be seen as like a little travelling hospital with the quick response and on-site help they’re able to provide. i do believe that cost isn’t covered in the high cost protection and it’s just a one-off cost

No other leading country wipes out your savings and equity when you get sick. Even with insurance.

#MedicareForAll

#so. yeah.#i can’t remember if it was at the 2010 or 2013 xena con although it doesn’t matter but #the actress that plays. the amazon with the hat that appears in ides of march #anyway for some reason at one of the cons she was telling us about how she had a scar on her abdomen because she had to have surgery #to get part of her liver removed because it wasn’t as it should. and she was able to get it on insurance through her boyfriend #but if she hadn’t been able to get it on insurance it would’ve costed her one million dollars #and at that point i just well and truly lost my mind and i was so happy to be flying back home a couple days later #i just. i feel so bad for you guys.#vote all the fucking republicans out it’s the only way

50K notes · View notes

sarahserendipity-blog1 · 5 years ago

Text

September 7, 2019

So... first post. Not any pressure or anything. I’m trying to remind myself that I have to start off slow when starting to journal again, that I can’t just empty my brain on command right away.

This morning I woke up after sleeping for about 15 hours. Michelle and I had a looong ass day yesterday (doctor’s appt, seeing Matt’s dorm, sunflower field, lunch with Joe, walking around Salem, long drive home) so I’m not super surprised that I needed a lot of recoup time. I started to edit some of the leftover Lopez wedding photos, but realized my mouse I like to use was broken. I decided to go to Staples to get a new one, and somewhere during this morning I had already been thinking about potentially getting a used iPad off facebook marketplace. I talked to Joe about it while I was buying this mouse, and he suggested I just splurge the extra money and get an actually nice one that I know will work right and not die on me in a few months. So, since Best Buy is right next to Staples, I flounced my ass into the tablet section, waited a million years for an associate to help me, and bought a fuckin iPad. Just like that. Never thought I’d be one to impulsively buy electronics but I guess I impulsively buy everything at this point, so...

Anyway, I got this iPad and went home to set it up. I ended up not really doing much with it because I promised Joe I’d leave for Salem around 2pm. So I put on My Favorite Murder, got some Wendy’s, and headed up there. We went out to see Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, which was a great movie aside from some weird plot holes. The monsters in it were genuinely terrifying, probably because Guillermo Del Torro produced it, and he’s somewhat of a badass with that kind of thing. I slobbered down an entire tub of popcorn, so hopefully I won’t regret that later.

Right when we got home, we ended up having this long serious talk about our relationship and how we both need to try harder. I came clean about how fucked up my thoughts can be, and he opened up about his expectations and hopes for our growth both together and separately. I told him I didn’t want to talk about my depression because I’m not some kind of special snowflake. He countered that to him, I am. That one got me. This entire conversation actually stemmed from talking about Michelle’s dumbass doctor that suggested she solve all her problems with protein shakes. Joe tried to side with the doctor and I promptly lost my shit all over him. I even fucking cried about it. And then that conversation turned into how we communicate, and how we don’t talk, and my mental health, and blah blah blah. It wasn’t as hard for me as it usually is, though, so I guess that’s a plus. I came out of it genuinely wanting to improve as a partner.

Now I’m working on editing the rest of the Lopez wedding photos, although I probably won’t finish them until tomorrow, since I still have to pack my wound. Joe is playing Super Smash Bros with Mason while I work; it feels really nice to just be existing in the same room doing totally different things.

I’m hoping to journal everyday, especially now that I have this fuckin iPad to do so. It’s going to be really good for me.

1 note · View note

vestaloflight · 6 years ago

Text

maybe don’t read this if we’re close and you will worry about me. like, seriously. don’t. it will upset you. i promise that i will be okay, that i am okay right now. just some info i thought might be worth sharing about when you feel your worst, that might be helpful to others who are also struggling. but i imagine it will be very difficult to digest if you know me well.

so i broke down and contacted the suicide prevention hotline today. i was not on the brink of killing myself or anything, i was just stuck in the mindset of “why bother”. everything feels pointless so why bother? i don’t even like the things i say i like, i just do them to kill time. why bother? i am simply filling up space and time, for reasons i do not understand, and personally feel like an emotional drain on the people i love. why bother? would my sudden absence be upsetting to those same people? yes. but they are capable and would get over it. why delay what is inevitable, if my every errant thought is unhappy? so that’s where i was.

and i urge you to please seek help if you find yourself there. any kind of help. that’s why i went here.

they do have a web browser chat which is what i used. i am first off not great at articulating myself verbally, and i was sobbing so it wouldn’t have been great for me to try talking.

it took a long time to connect to someone, which could be bad for some, but it kept me hanging in there until someone finally connected. sort of in the sense of, okay just a couple more minutes and someone will be there to talk. okay, just a couple more minutes. and this went on for about 10 maybe 15 minutes with a little bar that updated telling me how many people were in line ahead of me.

once i was connected there was another queue to wait in for whatever reason. i imagined it sort of like a doctors office. where you wait in one room to get called in for your appointment, then you wait in another room for your doctor to actually show up. this took a little longer, i think. probably about 20 minutes. there were several occasions i thought about closing the window, or wondered if it was broken, but i didn’t and eventually someone messaged me.

at first it felt a little awkward and scripted. they asked why i was contacting them, and i said it was hard to summarize, and that generally speaking, it was depression. they told me i didn’t need to summarize and to just say whatever i was feeling. so i did. i don’t have a transcript of the conversation or i’d put it here, but more or less i explained that i feel empty. that i feel alone. that it feels like there is nothing ahead of me. i mentioned i had to go to work in a few hours at a job i hate.

he asked me where i worked. it felt irrelevant, but i answered. honestly don’t remember much of what he asked me after that for a bit, it all felt like it did’t matter, that he was just asking me things to keep me talking. which is a fine tactic, like i get it from a psychological standpoint. obviously this guy does not know me or what i know about mental health so he’s gotta just take a stab at it.

there was some delay in his responses, at which point i messaged a friend to more or less say what i was doing. said i wasn’t sure it would help. she urged me to message my regular therapist which i was hesitant about. if you have a regular therapist please don’t hesitate. if you don’t have one... well i don’t know if anyone will read this or not, but if you need help finding one, i would do anything i could to help. i kept talking to the hotline responder, he asked if i had anything positive in my life. at which point i struggled to think of anything in particular. i told him i’m not sure i enjoy the things that i say i do. that i feel like the friends i am closest to are exhausted by me and my inability to cope. that i went to college for seemingly no reason, and have been working at jobs i hate for the past 8 years, living paycheck to paycheck. that of my family the only one that i am really close to is my mother and that she tries but is not always... on the right track, when it comes to coping with mental illness. i told him i have pets and i love them, but there’s not a lot i can do with them.

he went through and framed everything i said in a more positive light. that i have friends who, despite my illness, are still my friends and care about me. that i succeeded in college, and that even though my degrees have not been useful yet, they’re proof of my success. stuff like that. it was nice, at least, to have someone outside my life make an effort to reframe some of the things that make me feel the worst.

my friend continued to urge me to text my therapist, and by that point i had calmed down a little to better consider it. i was, and still am a little bit, nervous she will have to have me committed. which sounds a lot worse than it is i’m sure. she is required to take action if she thinks i am a danger to myself. i don’t THINK i am. like, in this moment right now, i am not. but i can’t promise that in an hour or two things won’t be bad again. but i decided to text her. i told her it felt like i’d fallen down 15 flights of progress and didn’t know how to start climbing again. that i wished there was an elevator in my metaphor. she said she liked my metaphor and asked if i wanted to come see her tomorrow. so i made an early appt for tomorrow morning. i continued talking to the guy on the crisis line, told him i had contacted my therapist and he said that was a positive move towards recovery and he was glad. i contacted work, the two people there that i thought would understand my situation to any degree, to see if they could let me off work today.

by that point i was feeling a lot better just knowing i might not have to deal with work and that i had some place to be tomorrow.

anyway, all this to say. help IS available. and it can be awkward or weird. but stick it out. if you have a therapist, contact them. if you don’t, and you think you might benefit (which truly i think EVERYONE could benefit even if they’re not wallowing in negative feelings like me) please look for a directory near you. i promise it’s not as hard as it seems. and i don’t care if i don’t know you, if you’ve read this far and you want someone to help you, please feel free to contact me.

i don’t know if anyone will read this. but if it makes a difference to even one person i’m glad i wrote it.

#mental health #suicide tw #suicide HELP #idk how to tag this #mental health help #i just hope that if someone is sad and needs help they have the ability to find this post

1 note · View note

letsimportanttreecollection-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Winchester Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 66097

"Winchester Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 66097

Winchester Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 66097

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

RELATED QUESTIONS:

Why does auto insurance rates go up after manditory insurance laws pass?

the insurance companies promise that passing these laws would always lower them

Insurance cost for an 87 Fiero?

I'm considering purchasing an 87 Fiero and I am wondering roughly what insurance costs are like with these cars? Is it high or low? Considering the body panels are made of plastic I would think it's not too expensive to replace.

Can an insurance company lower their initial written pain & suffering offer if I counter offer?

I've been told they won't but CAN they? Please only answer if you KNOW. Thanks.

Should I be adding my 19yr old daughter to my auto insurance?

Our 19 yr old daughter let he car insurance laps. My insurance company found out and added her to my policy this will cost an extra $700.00 + for six months. She also kept say all along that she was paying her own auto insurance for the last 6 months. I`v found out this was not true she stopped paying about 4 months ago. So she has been driving with out insurance for at least 4 months now. Her car is also in her name so I really can`t take it from her. I`m very upset at her for lien I just found all this out the other day.

Approximately how much does it cost to bond and insure a sole-proprietorship pressure washing business?

How much do you pay for health insurance and who do you have?

People keep saying that Romney care made insurance affordable in MA. If health insurance in MA is cheap compared to other states I'm wondering how much you pay and where do you live? I live in MA and I pay $14K a year for Tufts. BCBS of MA wanted nearly $20K.

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old living in southern Cali?

Lets say he has good grades. Lets also say the parents of this child have great credit scores. I cant get online qoutes because he is not over 18. Any estimates? Anthing would help. Thank you.

How much should a family budget for insurance?

disability,life,homeowners,car,umbrella""

I need cheap dental insurance not a discount plan?

I have to get a good cheap dental plan not a discount plan. Where can I get one or what can I do??? I have something that really needs to be taken care of fast.

I want the cheapest Liability only Insurance possible for my car. Which company should I go to?

I am based in MN, if it depends on the state.""

Anyone with Tescos car insurance? Are they any good?

Got a good quote for my car insurance from them. Fully comp etc. But I would like to know what their customer service is like, whether they sort out claims quickly etc etc. Thanks""

Im an expecting teen &im about to get married. what would be the best life&health insurance to get?

please provide options or suggestions. we both have monimum wage jobs and it needs to be affordable.

""Would it be fair if I give you a bit of tax hikes, since you can now save on more affordable health care which?

I gave to you?

Parents Insurance?

If I'm on my parents Insurance and I go to a doctors appt without them knowing will it show up on there insurence statement?

How much is the insurance for evo x 2008?

Im 18 years old i live in california

Affordable car insurance for HORRIBLE driving records?

I am looking for affordable car insurance for a poor driving record. I have never gotten a DUI or anything like that but I have been caught driving without insurance a couple times. I also have had speeding tickets and my license suspended before. Now that I am older, I obviously see the consequences. I am currently insured by Gieco but it is over $450 a month! I am willing to pay up to $200 since I know my driving record is not pretty. Does ANYONE have any suggestions and WHY?""

Im 15 in texas (male) how much would it cost for insurance on 2005 mustang/2004 audi tt/2003 g35/2004 acura tl?

please leave separate answers example... 2005 mustang $999999999999/month...

Any reccomendations for a good dental insurance??

i have health insurance through my job, but they do not offer dental.""

What is the best way to recruit people to become insurance agents?

I recruit people for Farmers Insurance to become insurance agents. We train and help finance them to open their own insurance office. I'm doing this within a 30 mile radius of ...show more

What is the cost of premium insurance for 2003 pontiac vibe driven by a female only insured driver.?

Cheap insurance for new drivers? Please help!!!?

Hi guys, I really need some help. I'm just pricing up car insurance, I currently have a provisional licence and i take my driving test next week, I'm doing insurance quotes for a 2005 volkswagen polo s 55 petrol 3 door Manual car, and I've being looking at prices for provisional drivers and newly passed drivers and the prices are ridiculous. Provisional is coming in at approx 1300, which I can cope with for the year but as soon as I pass my test BAM! prices are looking at about 2,700. I've done everything right according to the advice in the internet, we have a secure garage, off-road parking, during the day it will be kept in a secure office car park. I've tried confused.com, comparethemarket, confused.com, gocompare etc and the prices between provisional and full licence are topping 1,200 in difference. Does anyone know of any websites designed for new drivers or maybe places i could look and get quotes which aren't on comparison websites? or maybe any tips that I could use to reduce the quotes because they are ridiculous. We've added on two drivers with over 30+ years each on and also my boyfriend with 7yrs no points. all have no convictions, record, points etc. Thanks :) Kirsty""

""Need a dentist, but have no insurance.

I need some major work done on my teeth but have no insurance. I also had to file bankruptcy 2 years ago and have no credit. Is there a dental group or dentist that would do work with ...show more

Home owners insurance check made out to mortgage company and me?

Evidently my insurance co made out the check to both myself and my mortgage bank (too bad I didn't realize it before I deposited it at the ATM this morning...) for siding and roof hail damage. I was on hold for over 40 minutes today waiting to talk to a rep at the mortgage bank (PNC). I hung up and will call back tomorrow when I have more time to listen to bad music. What's the normal procedure for handling this? The check was only for $6800. I may hold off a bit on some of the repair, and do some of it myself. I've already made arrangements for a window replacement ($900 vs the $450 the ins co gave me). There's a PNC Bank just down the street. Any ideas on whether they can handle it there?""

Reason for sudden increase in price on car insurance?

When I bought my car I started paying 1,400 a year on insurance, and the other day I got a letter through the post from my insurance company saying that I need to renew my car insurance since it was close expiring. They said that if I want to continue with the same company I need to now pay 2,000 a year for the same car. I can't seem to understand why there's such a vast increase from my last quote. I haven't had to make a claim and I can't think of anything that may have happened that could result in the price increase. Do insurance companies do this or could there have been something I may have done which has put the price up? Thanks in advance.""

How much would my car insurance cost? ?

Ok, I'm 14 almost 15, and when I'm 15 I will go get my drivers permit, I live in missouri, and Im pretty sure I will be getting my grandmas car. If I got a low end 7 dollars an hour job at 15, would I be able to afford the insurance on my own? my mom doesn't want me on her policy, but I won't be driving her car anyway with my grandmas car that I'll be getting. How is this gonna work, cause I'm clueless. Please help!!!!""

Winchester Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 66097

How much is audi a4 insurance?

i am 18 years old looking at buying a 2003 audi a4 and wanted to know how much the insurance would cost me. I have a clean driving record and good grades.

Car insurance recommendations?

hi im 16 and trying very hard to get emancipated i havent told my mom yet though because it seems like a great idea not to get kicked out first, but anyways i have locked in a steady job at a clothing store but i am only working part time for now. What would your recommendation be for cheap car insurance i have no idea where to even start but if i can get cheap insurance than i will be able to spend more on an appartment or trailer. plz give me your recommendations and any advice on how to accomplish my goal. and please no bad comments i just want advice.""

How much is MOTORCYCLE INSURANCE?????

I am 23. I want to get a sports motorcycle. How much will my insurance be?

Where can I get moving insurance?

I'm moving cross country. This involves lots of companies, packing, boxing, loading, unloading, car haulers, etc. Does someone sell a blanket moving insurance?""

Car Rental Insurance?

I will be going to the US soon. I am a US citizen but do not live in the US. I will be going to visit family for a month and will be renting a car. My question is this, do I need to get the insurance from the vendor or is there a 3rd party insurance I can puchase? Most of the car rental places have LDW / CDW insurance for purchase but this almost doubles the cost of rental. My credit cards and car insurance here in my country of residence do not cover car rentals so I will have to get something. Does anybody know of a different route to take other than purchasing at the vendor?""

Cheapest car insurance uk?

I know it also depends on what car you have but just a rough guess how much will it cost for me I'm 21 Iv also heard that the older you are the cheaper the insurance

Average rate of malpractice insurance for nurses?

So I want to be a nurse and I was wondering how much it costs. And do most nurses have it or not? Also I live in TX and will be a nurse here so any info will be appreciated thanks :)

Cheapest insurance for a 17 year old lad?

the cheap quote ive got is 4800!! This is ridiculous, is there any cheaper way of insuring myself? does anyone know what the cheapest car to insure is? or something i really need to get on the road as i have just passed my test but 3000 for insurance is about my limit...""

How much will motorycycle insurance be for a 17 year old?

im getting a 487cc Suzuki gs500f, how much do you think insurance is going to be? also how can i lower the cost of insurance, will it lower when i turn 18? im taking the msf course and getting it under my family plan if possible thx""

Am I required to get rental car insurance if I don't have my own auto insurance?

I am planning to sell my car and cancel my auto insurance. If I want to rent a car, am I required to buy their rental car insurance, since I wouldn't have any other auto insurance otherwise?""

Who is covered with car insurance?

if I let my friend use my car is she covered under my car insurance? I've heard that it is the car that is covered, not the specific person... is that true?""

Typically how much does it cost to have renters insurance?

I need a cheap car to insure?

im 17 years old and need a car to get me to college. The only problem is my insurance quotes are ridiculously high. im looking for a cheap car to insure.

Adrian flux car insurance?

is this a good car insurance company, has anybody got any good/bad coments or opinions about this company, i am a new driver and this will be my first insurance so i would like the advice. thankz in advance!""

Why has my car insurance gone up?

My question is about my car insurance renewal quote. I got my renewal quote from esure, last year I paid 357 with 7 years no claim discount, and with full uk licence held for just under 4 years. In whole year I haven't made any claim, same car, same address, still the new quote I got is 627. I am almost shocked. Last year also I had same problem, my renewal quote was about 40-50 pounds higher. I checked for new quote with different insurers but not getting anything cheaper than 460, still way above what I paid last year. Does anyone know why does it go up? I remember last time when I spoke to call centre guy, he told me that it depends on number of claims in your area etc. Is that true? Also somewhere I read the article that insurance companies are paying more than what they collect as a premium and they are raising premiums by up to 20% but still in my case the premium is almost double. If anyone has any knowledge on how this industry works please let me know. Any help is appreciated. Thanks""

Do you have life insurance?

Ok we have been married for 10 years with 2 small boys. My husband works, I don't. I think he needs disability insurance and life insurance just in case something happens to him. And maybe even life insurance on me and the boys to cover at least funeral costs.. He thinks it's a big waste of money but I think we should. Also, my sister asked me if I would take her boys if something happen to her and brother-n-law. I said of course!! She told me that I would then get XX amt. of money from her life insurance... She also stated it's in their will!! OMG do I need a will too. What do I need in this will. I don't want my kids in foster care so I should name some people who would care for our boys..""

How much is your car insurance?

Just wondering. Mine's coming to 700!!

My teenager (17) just got her permit. Would she be covered under my insurance?

I have not added her specifically to my insurance policy. I only have PLPD on the vehicle. Would she be covered if she hit anything... anyone , yikes! Or do I have to call to add her? It will raise my policy a LOT but she's almost 18 and when she gets her license she will have to pay for her own insurance. So for now I am trying to fly under the radar but legally. Is that possible?""

Commercial car insurance no claims?

I have 9 yrs no claims bonus on a commercial insurance policy in my name with my missus as name driver. I am selling the van and will want to buy a 4x4 and insure on a private policy, None of the insurance companies that I have had quotes from will honor the no claims bonus and all say that I have to start again from zero I also have been the name driver on the missus's car policy for 10 yrs with no claims either. Can anyone tell me if this is Right or yet again am I being unfairly screwed? Cheers all.""

How much will health insurance cost me?

I am an American citizen, 23 years old with a college degree. I never lived in the US but I am moving there now and I never had any health problems. How much will health insurance cost me a month?""

Is a paternity test needed to get insurance from the state in michigan?

Do they make you do paternity tests to get government insurance

How much would motorcycle insurance be for a 17 year old?

I was looking at either a 2011 Kawasaki Ninja 650R, a 2011 Yamaha FZ6R, or a 2009 Suzuki SV650SF. I live about 50 miles away from Washington D.C. in the suburbs. My grades are A's and B's and I'm in 2 AP classes. I've never had any traffic violations for a car, not that it really matters when dealing with a motorcycle.""

Best health insurance for babies?

Hi everyone I am 24 and kind of new to this. I'm pregnant with my first child and I would like to know what would be the best insurance for my newborn and when I should apply for it. I currently have insurance through my job and its great the only thing is I'm not considered full time so if I put the baby under my insurance there goes half of my paycheck. It is the same for the baby's father. I have a loooong way to go before my due date but I like to be prepared when it comes to things like this because it is very important to me. If there is anyone out there who has a good place to choose I'm all ears!

Insurance on a 2008 Suzuki Hayabusa......?

Wow dont ask me how, but I lucked up and found some RIDICULOUSLY cheap insurance. I have been looking for about a day and a half. Every last MAJOR insurance company you can think of. For some reason everyone on here kept saying check out Progessive. They were one of the MOST expensive. If you have a SUPER sport bike. Meaning either the Kawaski 12 or 14 or the Suzuki 1300 Busa, everyone is quoting you between $6,000 to $8,000 for a year. Thats like $400-$500 a month. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life. But then my salesman told me to call State Farm. He said trust him, that he used to race sportsbikes and always insured through state farm. So I call them and get a quote for $767 for the year. The same Bike that EVERYONE else quoted at $1000. Honestly I could not belive the lady. I do not understand how the price is that different. My salesman said that it is because State Farm is the only comapny that doesnt run the vin number of the bike and put it in the""

How much would it cost to insure a large SUV for a 16 year old?

I have always wanted this car: http://pictures.topspeed.com/IMG/crop/200608/2006-toyota-sequoia-1_460x0w.jpg The Toyota Sequoia. I know it gets crappy gas mileage, but ive seen worse. And plus Im not gonna be driving that much either. my school is very close to me, along with all my friends houses. But how much will insurance be at your best guess? Also, if I don't blow off gas, and waster it, how much money do you think I will pay per month in California? Dont try to tell me that I am not old enough to be behind an SUV, because 1) Im going to be learning how to drive from my parents in an suv, so i will have some experience 2) my parents want me to get an SUV 3) Im not a dumb a** whos gonna go 50 mph and try to cut a corner and flip over. Bottom line is, im getting an suv and thats that.""

Winchester Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 66097

I need cheap car insurance in New York City?

I need cheap (FULL) coverage for a financed vehicle in the NEw York Area...I've tried the popular sites...any leads?

Person A driving person B's car and hits my car. Who's insurance pays?

Person A driving Person B's car. Person A backed up into my car. Who's insurance pays? Person A because he was driving? Person B because it's her car? Or my insurance because I have full coverage? What are the consequences if I file through my insurance company? Will my insurance go up even if it's not my fault? I think not but if you know for sure that would be helpful. Any and all information is helpful!! Thanks!

Bmw 1992 insurance cost?

what is the insurance cost for 1992 bmw 352i???

Do you need a motorcycle license and insurance to buy a bike from a dealership?

I currently only have my permit and want to purchase a used Ninja 250 to practice on before my road test. I plan on keeping the bike for a while.

What is to stop people from taking the fines instead of paying for insurance?

it seems like they are not much different then a high deductible insurance plan

What happens if you get pulled over without insurance?

You see I am an awesome driver. I never get in an accident because I am always well aware of my surroundings. I realized that for the past five years of owning my truck, I have spent over 10 times it's worth in insurance, and never once needed it, ever. No accidents, and no getting pulled over. Isn't insurance a waste of money for me? I figured I could just put the money I would normally spend on insurance, in the bank for the same purpose, then if I need it I can take it out. If the truck dies first, I put the money towards a new car. Is this such a bad idea?""

Car Insurance think my car is a write-off but independent garage think otherwise?

My car (an 05 Peugeot 206) was involved in an accident (which was my fault but thankfully no other vehicle or persons involved) and there's been some damage to the front of my car (bonnet, grill etc.) - I've rung my insurer and they believe it's a write-off but I've asked them to send an assessor to check the damage. I've also had an independent garage look at the car (as someone else said that they did this in a similar scenario) who believe its not a write-off and they can repair it (450 was quoted for parts!!). He's sending me a quote for insurance work and a quote if it was done for cash. Can I get my insurer to use this garage if their assessor still deems it a write-off? If not, what are my options? This is my first time claiming insurance and I've got no real idea!!""

How much is motorcycle insurance?

What are some things to keep it as cheap as possible? I know taking a safety class can. I`m 19 years old if that means anything. Thanks.

Do insurance companies cover a chiropractor after an accident?

i was rear ended and had to see a chiropractor because of severe whiplash. the insurance company of the girl who hit me is offering a settlement and almost half of it will be going to ...show more

CHEAP DOWN PAYMENT FOR CAR INSURANCE JUST LIABILITY?

CHEAP CAR INSURANCE LILABITY ONLY

Car insurance for you?

Not to sound stalkerish at all lol I'm just a lil confused on car insurance and want to know what about average is. So can you please put how old you are, what car you drive, and how much you pay... Thanks ALOT it means alot to me :)""

Can a health insurance company deny emergency medical coverage based on the final diagnosis?

I went to the emergency room for symptoms suggesting a life-threatening illness. It turned out I did not have a life-threatening illness and the ER doctor diagnosed something much ...show more

Has anyone used Cover Me Insurance Agency to buy Truck Insurance?

I'm a truck driver in need of truck insurance and filled out their quote form online at http://www.covermeinsurance.com/quote.html but have not heard back from them. I called them about 3am to leave a message but they don't even have a way to leave a message. I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with this truck insurance agency.

Cheaper without health insurance?

I'm sick and got a prescription for Zithromax(zpack) Costco has it for 8.87 under the generic form. My copay for my insurance is $20. Does that mean I should get it without using my health insurance? I was born in Canada so not familiar with all those copay and drug copay stuff. Thanks

Is motorcycle insurance available for six months?

I live in an area where I can only ride for half the year, yet all of the policies cover 12 months. Does anyone know of a company that offers six month packages? A second question, does taking a Riding course offer a sizable discount with insurance companies? Thanks""

Auto insurance?

what is the best auto insurance out there and why

Quick question about RENTERS INSURANCE?

My fiance and i are renting out a house starting Feb. 1st. After a year we have an option to buy the house. Anyways, when we were looking at the house she said her dad wants us to get renters insurance before we move in. I'm guessing because of the fireplace, attic, etc. Do i need to get any info from her before i sign up for insurance? Where do i go to get this? ANY sort of info would be great. We're new to renters insurance. We live in an apartment complex right now with NO insurance.""

How much does high risk auto insurance cost?

Auto Insurance?

I am 18 years old and I am trying to buy insurance for my car. I noticed that the prices for insurance are really high for teen drivers. I was just wondering if my parents could buy the insurance under their name so the payments can be cheaper or does the policy have to be under my name.

How much roughly will my car insurance go up if I make a claim to have it resprayed due to vandalism?

What is the average price of auto insurance with 1 adult and 1 teen driver with Allstate?

Insurance For a 1968 Ford Falcon?

Can anyone give me a serious quote of what the insurance would be for 16 year old driver on a 1968 Ford Falcon. Also what would be the quote for a 48 year old driver in Northeastern, Ohio.""

Car title and insurance help?

Here is my situation,my sister recently gave me a car but the title card has my dad's name on it.The plan was to put the car under my dad's name so I could practice my driving but my dad has not gone to the DVM to finalize it.I now have my license and debating on whether I should put the car under my name or just let my dad put the car under his name since he will be paying for the insurance.Another problem with the car title is the insurance. I am not sure if he should add me to his policy or get my own policy instead.I don't want him to be affected if I were to get into an accident.I am not a minor if that helps.""

How much (estimate) would car insurance on a Dodge Challenger se r/t & srt8 be for a 18 year old boy?

I want to know the estimate on a dodge challenger srt8 se r/t and see what the differences are in price. Guessing the srt8 is gonna be alot!!! please just estimate. THANK YOU!

Would the risk-neutral person ever buy insurance that was not fair?

If any one knows about this then please write in detail. thanks!

Winchester Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 66097

Is the presidents plan to get everyone insured but no one covered?

The Affordable Care Act is a pro-insurance-industry plan implemented by a president. You have to closely look at your plans. Know what illnesses you are going to come down with. See what kind of medications you will need. Know all the advanced medical care needed and the facilities needed. Then insure they are in your plan. That is only the easy part. When you sign up. You should daily check to see if you are covered. People are going to emergency rooms thinking they are covered when they are not. Democrat have an answer to out of network medications and doctors. Pay out of pocket. Democrats say it is personal responsibility to know every disease facilities and medications needed for every conceivable disease. Then insure they are in your plan. Democrats have your best interests at heart when they insure your sex life is listed in your medical record. Democrats would never misuse sex or gun information requested in Obama Care by looking in the electronic records. They are safer then the doctor putting them in a file and keeping them in their office. Now they keep it in their office and a database that Obama can access.

Need health insurance?

looking for private health insurance, what are some companies that are affordable? lists of companies and info about them please. Thanks to all who answer =]""

What's worse for a teens insurance a luxury car or sports car?

I've been wanting to get a civic for a first car so I thought maybe a 2000 civic si and then realized I liked the 7th gen civic coupes alot more so when I went to get an insurance quote every company is telling me its about $400 a month even on my dads insurance. Because I'm a second driver in the house I become the primary driver on the civic by default and I don't have a choice. The insurance company says that the si is a sports car for them and apparently has a high chance for teens to get wrecked in. The 7th gen that I'm talking about was an 02 civic si veloz and I was told a non si 03 civic coupe would still be in the late 300's /month for me. I'd be okay with 200's/month if possible. So now I'm thinking of going to Hondas luxury side. I did want a fully loaded civic which I guess isn't possible because they didnt come with leather seats so I thought I'd go team Acura late 90's/2000 1.6 el the car would be a fully loaded sedan, manual transmission, sohc engine (not exactly built for speed) it would also have an alarm system that the civic didn't. I don't think there are as many teen ricers in acuras since the aftermarket is limited for some things as not everything is swappable with civic parts. so for a new driver would it be any difference to go from a 2 door si to a 4 dour sedan with a base motor? the only thing is that the insurance would probably classify it as a luxury vehicle and say its expensive to repair and what not. your thoughts?""

How will adding 40 million more people to the Health Insurance rolls improve Health Care?

But don't be misled. We know the status quo is unsustainable. If we do nothing, millions more Americans will be denied insurance because of pre-existing conditions, or see their coverage suddenly dropped if they become seriously ill. Out-of-pocket expenses will continue to soar, and more and more families and businesses will be forced to deal with health insurance costs they cant afford. David Axelrod Senior Advisor to the President Why suddenly focus on the insurance industry? If, as Axelrod says, the status quo is unsustainable .. How will adding 40 million more to the insurance rolls suddenly make it sustainable ? . How will adding to the costs of Insurance Companies decrease their costs? . How will doing nothing , and thereby sustaining the huge profits of the drug industry and the medical industry, reduce medical care costs to the average American?""

Is it covered under insurance?

i want to change my old cavities to the white cavities to match my teeth. i hate to open my mouth in front of people because i have so many cavities. the thing is, is it covered under insurance and is it expensive?""

What is the best individual insurance for a pregnant woman?

I just found out i am 5 weeks pregnant and dont currently have insurance. My husbands works and his employer offers insurance for the family for $850.00/mo, which is completely ridiculous and not affordable for us right now. I stay at home with my daughter in Missouri, but we are having a hard time getting medicaid. Any advice. Thanks...""

My car got stolen and i have full cover insurance on it will they give me money for it?

My car got stolen and they find the car and all that was left was the shell of the car. I also have GAP insurance I want to know will the pay off my car and give me money to buy another car.

I am looking for an expert in Insurance Car...Home...Commercial.?

I am looking for an expert in insurance,who can guide me with car insurance and Home and Commercial. Please Working for DCAP Insurance...................""

Auto insurance involuntarily cancelled?

I got a new auto insurance begining June. And I had an hail damage and hit and run case towards the end of June. On July 30 there was an accident, other person involved was at fault as he rear-ended my car. I reported all these occurances. I get a involuntary cancellation of the auto insurance policy after a couple of days. They sent me this notice and also made me aware of the right to dispute this with the State commisoner for Insurance. Now, when I go shopping for new insurance, I get an increased premium quote. None of the reported claims are my fault and I do not know if I have to dispute this case with the commisioner for insurance or not and not sure how much money I have to spend towards it. Please advice what to do in this situation, thank you in advance.""

Is it illegal to apply for car insurance at a different address?

My cousin has only just passed his driving test and is struggling to get insurance due to the area that he lives in. (I'm not sure whether he CAN'T get it or it's just really expensive) Anyway, he wants to know whether he can register it in his name but at my address as the area that I live in is a lot cheaper. I told him I'm sure this could be classed as fraud but he said it's not. Could anybody shed any light on this? Which one of us is right?""

Young motorcylist trying to get car? Stupid insurance?

I want to swap my motorcycle for a car, as I need to drive to university one day a week and I want a car for the motorway (Safer during gusts & ICE). But..... the stupid insurance companies take no notice that I've been driving for two years, and want to charge me 3500!!!!! For an 800cc CAR!!! WTF?! For a 600cc bike, it'll cost me 450! Let's compare: 600cc BIKE (0-60 in 2.5 seconds, tops out at 130mph, worth 2000) 800cc CAR (0-60 in 17 seconds, tops out at 82mph, worth 850) Which one do YOU reckon should be cheaper?!!!!?? So, how do I get an insurer to actually realise that I've been on the road for two years, have a full motorcycle license, and that my insurance shouldn't be so STUPIDLY, RIDDICULOUSLY expensive?! Without fronting on my dad's policy :P BTW, adding parents as a named driver only reduces it by 300...""

How do insurance companies handle cars rolling into others?

I was changing the oil in my truck with my boyfriend and all of a sudden my truck just started to roll down the driveway and rolled right into his car. I know im am totally responsible for it but i want use my insurance but i don't want my rates to go up. So i was wondering how insurance companies handle this situation i have Mercury.

Cheap car insurance with DUI?

I'm really struggling to pay rent along with everything else, and now I have to pay car insurance or else my registration will be suspended. I can barely afford to buy food with my part time job and school. Is there a really cheap car insurance company that accept DUIs? I don't have bad credit and have ALWAYS paid my bills, I just need something relatively cheap or else I have no idea how I am going to stay under a roof with food. I live in northern California if that matters. I'm 24 and got my DUI 3 years ago. I had actually got stopped because of my light.""

Motorbike insurance for a 17 year old?

hey so i was wandering i havent got a full liscence uet but am planning on doing it soon and was just wandering how much insurance would be for a Kawasaki ninja 250R i no there are other factors but just on average for someone of my age or if my dad who has a full bike liscence for a long time was to insure it and have me as named rider?

""How Much would Car Insurance cost for a 2002 or 2003 Subaru WRX, not the Sti. Anyone know? Thanks! =]?""

How Much would Car Insurance cost for a 2002 or 2003 Subaru WRX, not the Sti. Anyone know? Thanks! =]?""

""If minors can't sign contracts, why can they get their own car insurance?""

If minors can't legally sign contracts, then why can we get our own insurance policies? The policies are way higher in price, but in Virginia, where I live, you can legally have your own insurance policy and insurance, separate from your parents. They don't have to sign anything, they don't even have to know that you have the policy. Statefarm, Progressive, Allstate, all of them do it.""

Can i drive with just insurance?

is it ok for me to drive with just insurance on my car for a certain amount of time?

Insurance company policy?

I was hit in a wreck. They're insurance company quoted me $400 and wrote me a check for it which I did not accept. All they did was look at the external damages. Then I took it to a dealer collision center and they quoted me $1100 and they guessed more damage was done but couldn't say unless they took apart my bumper. I'm not wanting to get it fixed in a shop since my father can fix it for me, but $400 is not going to cover the cost of fixing it. so my question is... Does their insurance company have to give me the money quoted by other body shops or is my only option having it fixed in a shop?""

Cheapest car insurance in uk?

I am 18 and i got disqualified for 3 months and i was wondering if anyone knows cheap car insurance for me?

ive tried things like confused and the comparing sites but i didn't know if anyone knew of smaller or more independent companies which are good at these types of quotes.

How to get your Life insuance license in California?

So people told me to take online courses to get pre-license, and then I have to take an exam outside in order to get my license for health and life insurance. That sounds like a long time and very expensive. Can I buy a book to study on my own, then go straight to take the exam outside? Or getting pre-licensed is required before I can take the actual exam.""

Average cost of auto insurance for a 17 year old male in Washington?

Cheap car insurance?

Health Insurance Cost - Private option or School option?

For those of you who have experience about buying health insurance, what is the average annual cost? And usually, what is the minimum cost for basic health coverage, vision and dental coverage? (Particularly in the U.S.) Should I buy health insurance from a private company or from my university? Thanks a lot for your time.""

Is Geico a good insurance company?

Winchester Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 66097

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/sharon-springs-new-york-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-janet-collins/"

25 notes · View notes

donzysguidetofreedom · 7 years ago

Text

A little introduction

So, I’ve gained a ton of followers in 2018 and wanted to chat for a minute with you all.

First of all, thank you for following me. Checking in and seeing all your new posts and stuff is amazing and makes my day.

So, I’m Donna and I’m 28 years old.

Growing up I was very active in karate, training 5+ days a week. I could run 3 miles in 22 minutes flat after a cardio workout. I was at my peak at 12 years old (haha just kidding). Don’t get me wrong though, I was always a chunky kid. Just athletic too. At 14 I got severe pancreatitis and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. They found a huge cyst on my ovary during this time as well and removed it. I spent months recovering (over the holidays no less). Afterward, I went back to karate but definitely was not working as hard.

Over the next 8 years my weight shot up to 291 pounds. I went through phases of working out and eating healthy-ish, but my relationship with food was (is?) atrocious. I binged regularly. I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I tried crash diets that just forced me to binge even harder when I failed. During this time I went to college, dropped out of college, moved to Florida for an internship at Walt Disney World, and ended up staying (and screwing my finances in the process).

In 2013 I moved back to New York to get my shit together. I started going to the doctor regularly again. I didn’t have insurance that covered much in Florida so I just avoided it. I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.

I jumped on a meal replacement diet through Ideal Protein and dropped 40 pounds the summer of 2014. I was doing GREAT. Didn’t hurt that I was living with my grandparents and my grammy cooked and packed my meals for me. Boy, what a simpler time.

During this weight loss, I started getting sick. My stomach was off constantly, and I didn’t know what was wrong. I went to the doctor and they ran some tests and initially blamed the diabetes. Blamed my sugar levels, that I was eating wrong/medicating wrong and it was causing this severe pain and many bowel movements daily (TMI sorry <3). They gave me so many antibiotics and other meds, and finally referred me to a GI doc. At my first appt he recommended a probiotic, and I was feeling mostly better. Because I’m slightly irresponsible, I didn’t go back for follow ups and everything seemed fine! However, I didn’t get back on the Ideal Protein diet and gained some weight back.

I started a new job and moved into my own apartment. I met the man of my dreams (spoiler alert, he’s the one I’m marrying in April). We started a life together and it was lovely.

May 2015 my brother died in a motorcycle accident a block away from his home two weeks before his 21st birthday. It understandably crushed me, and I went numb for a very long time. I kept busy. My fiancee and I took over his house and two pitbulls. I thought I was ok. I was really just avoiding my feelings.

Then I got sick again. I went to my primary care physician and was told it was my diabetes again. I did their tests, and was put on more antibiotics. I got sicker and sicker. I went to the ER twice because my fiancee was so worried about me. Both times I was told I had colitis, and needed to follow up with my primary care doctor. For six months I ate maybe one meal a day, and other than that had ginger ale, ritz crackers, and powerade. I was nauseous and exhausted 24/7. I finally called the GI they had sent me to years before and asked for an appointment. They got me in the same day when I explained my symptoms. I was so tired at this point that I took a nap in the exam room while waiting for the Nurse Practitioner to see me. It wasn’t an extended wait or anything. She wanted a colonoscopy and said we’d get it scheduled. She brought me to the nurse that handles the scheduling. That nurse scheduled me in for three weeks from then. I was devastated but it was their soonest appointment. Halfway home I received a call from the doctor saying he needed me in sooner than that and had me go in three days later for the procedure.

My boss during all of this was not pleased. She was not supportive. Basically, I was screwing her. It didn’t matter that I constantly was light headed. I was nauseous and in the bathroom all day at work anyways. She expected me to work to what she thought appropriate levels. She didn’t care at all. Just like she didn’t care when my brother died, but that’s a whole different story.

When I woke up from the colonoscopy heavily medicated I was told they needed to send me to the hospital. That I had Ulcerative colitis and it was severely flamed up. I spent the next week in the hospital on a liquid diet and was told to relax. I met a ton of doctors and learned a lot in that time.

They got me on some meds, and over the next six months I had to change up my meds until we found a good fit. I was finally feeling better.

I started a new job. I joined Crossfit. I quit Crossfit because I would push too hard and throw myself into a flare up after two weeks or so and be out of commission for a month. I joined the YMCA and gained a love for Zumba. I swam, a lot.

I went to Disney on the trip my brother and I had been planning. I got engaged on this trip to the love of my life.

I grew, I jumped on and off the diet bandwagon. I remained a pretty consistent weight of 260 pounds.

We planned a wedding for Summer 2018. I started therapy for my feelings around my brothers passing. I realized how severe my anxiety had become in the past two years. I’m still working on this. For the sake of my mental health and our wallets we cancelled our wedding plans and planned a weekend in Vegas with some family instead for April. Best decision I’ve made since saying yes to @sidekicksrstars2.

In 2017 I found so many wonderful fitblrs. I started posting regularly (on fatgirlsguidetofreedom). I eventually made this blog and started joining challenges (I even hosted one but it fell apart, I’ll do another one at some point). I made so many friends. I disappeared sometimes but thats ok. I always come back folks.

Which all leads me to here. This is my story. And its continuing at 100 miles per hour. These days I’m not on a strict diet, but I try and make more healthy choices than unhealthy. I try to start my mornings with a mix of coffee and muscle milk. I try and have a salad every day. I try and avoid fast food (ok the first Chick Fil A came to my town a month ago so thats not going very well). My weight has been sticking around 250 pounds. I won my first DietBet last month (woooohoo!) and I’m currently in two so gotta lose 10 pounds. I’m also in a StepBet with my wonderful cousin and best friend and it’s motivated me to move so much more than I was. There’s no cheating with it, you get your steps or you don’t. Thats it.

I am happy. I am in love. I am getting married next month.

I have a long way to go but I’m proud of where I came from.

@fatmaninalittlesuit you inspired me to make this long post, so I definitely want to tag you but won’t blame you if you don’t read the whole thing, haha.

Thank you to the following people who I’ve interacted with and have really made the past year in the fitnerd community amazing. Even if we don’t chat, know that I love your posts and they make me so happy! If I forgot anyone, please don’t be offended, it’s not intentional!

@apologizetothetree

@evolutionofacosfitter

@im-healthyish

@time2shapeup

@nibsthefitmermaid

@janetlouise93

@mr-rubberlegz

@chocolate-and-peanutbutter

@wanderingbrave

@lizzieslifestyle

@liberatingdreamvoid

@legsgofasterplease

@msbeautifulketo

@fitchris25

@thebarefootemma

@plussizeadventure

I love you all, and I love all of my followers so much. If you read this whole thing, BLESS YOU. Also, drop me a line sometime. I’m always game for new friends.

#About me #Journal #me #long #storytime #aboutme #@fatmaninalittlesuit #fatmaninalittlesuit

52 notes · View notes

mentallystrongphysicallyfit · 7 years ago

Text

Riding Solo

I have had a lot of appointments this week. Here’s what I’ve had and how they went (this got REALLY long, so I put the rest below).

Monday - follow up evaluation with Physical Therapy for knee pain. I injured my knee at the end of December, but was scared and didn’t go to the doctor until February. I did 6 weeks of PT and I have greatly reduced the pain in my knee! The main cause of pain in my knees and hips is still weight-related, but I’m working on that! I’ve successfully finished my current PT!

Tuesday - first follow up (since the initial appt in November of last year, when this Dr referred me for evaluation for B.E.D.) with the weightloss surgery doctor. This doctor was the one who I had to thank for all the help I’m currently getting!!! I’m so glad that she saw something in me and knew enough to make the right decision to get me evaluated! Anyway, I was extremely nervous to go to this appointment because I’ve never gone alone. Usually I have my mom or husband to support me, but my mom is out of town and my husband needed to go into work, so I was riding solo! I stepped on the scale and the immediate thoughts running through my head were negative and distorted. It’s hard not to evaluate myself and my self worth based on the number on the scale. I felt like the nurse judged me and I started to panic thinking this appointment was going to be out of line with the therapy and treatment I’ve been doing for binge eating disorder. I finally saw the doctor and she was less intimidating this time, and she is a really good doctor, possibly one of the best doctors I’ve EVER seen. She LISTENED TO ME and gave me the best advise and course of treatment. I’m so glad I’m going through this process with her. She asked what I think the problem is that is currently preventing me from losing weight. I told the doctor that it takes a large amount of food for me to feel physically full. She decided to prescribe me a low dose of Topiramate, an appetite suppressant. I took my first dose last night and my second pill this morning. I can already tell the difference. I think this is a game-changer! I’ll keep you updated!

Also Tuesday - Binge Eating Disorder therapist appointment with Michelle. I have really enjoyed my personal therapy sessions. We always talk about whatever I’m struggling with at that time. She is so helpful and gives me tools to combat my distorted thinking. This week we talked about my thoughts surrounding my weight. The number is something that always seems to send me into destructive thoughts, which leads to binge eating, which leads to more destructive throughts, and then more bingeing and so on and so on. First, I have been able to identify the thought, and then challenge it. I’ve only been in therapy for a little over two months, but I’ve learned so much and progressed so much!

And also still on Tuesday - Binge Eating Disorder Nutritionist appointment with Sharon. In the past, going to see a nutritionist always ment a lot of rules and guidelines around what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, etc. All of these things. But for anyone with Binge Eating Disorder, these rules and strict eating guidelines can do more harm than good. Instead, with my nutritionist I talk about food in a new way. All food is just that - food. It isn’t good or bad (no judgements) but instead it is just food. The first thing I’ve had to learn is that it is okay to eat. Diet mentality has me brainwashed into believing all these rules about eating that have led to me having distorted thinking, which leads to bingeing. Just being given permission to eat when I feel hungry has actually cut back on my eating because I stop and ask myself “am I physically hungry or just feeling some other emotion that is driving me to eat.” It has been a huge change in my thinking about food. We’ve focused on so many other great things together, but the thing that we reviewed this week is the H.A.L.T. way of thinking. It gives the four main reasons people eat. H stands for hunger, which is our body’s cue that we need energy or food. A stands for Anger/Anxious, feeling these emotions can lead to eating. L stands for Lonely/Bored and T stands for Tired. If you can HALT before you eat and figure out which reason you are using to eat, it will help you make the decision if food will fix the problem. The only one of these that food fixes is if you are Hungry. Otherwise, food might make you feel better in the moment if you are bored, tired, upset, but it will only mask these things until they come back. I’m tracking my eating in an app called Recovery Record. This is so different from all other types of food tracking methods because it doesn’t count calories or points. Instead, it asks you to identify emotions when you are eating, and there is also a small place to journal your thoughts. This has proven very helpful for me! I encourage others who are struggling to use it! Our appointments are only 30 minutes, but I learn so much from them!!

Friday (today) - Binge Eating Disorder Group. This was the 6th week of a 17 week group/class. This isn’t a traditional “group” where you sit in a circle and talk about your feelings. It is more like a class, an education in this eating disorder I have and a group of four other women who also struggle with Binge Eating Disorder. It is a three hour class, which sounds like a long time, but it really does goes quickly! The first hour is led by a therapist, Lisa, and we discuss different ways of battling our distorted thinking. It’s great to have other people to bounce ideas off of who get it. The second hour is with a nutritionist, Niki, who gives us tools for how to deal with eating situations that come up, or with guest speakers who come in and talk with us. The third hour is a meal. We work on the skills we’ve talked about. It has been great!

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

#binge eating #binge eating disorder #b.e.d.#solo #doctor appointment #appointments #long post #personal #update #recovery

12 notes · View notes

csadler58-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Ups and Downs

I have always been one to react to traumatic situations differently. I have a tendency to act fine in the beginning and then all the sudden days, weeks, even months later, I break down and it’s never pretty. For the first 6 months-1 year of having diabetes, I did AWESOME! Always checked my sugars, (4 times a day) ate breakfast, lunch, dinner and all my snacks at the same time every day, and always counted and measured EVERYTHING. My mom was more than I could have ever asked for in a parent. She got up early every morning before work and school and made me breakfast. Measured my cereal, milk, juice, fruit, all of it. She packed my lunches, and always cooked my dinners in the same manner. I learned from the beginning to do my own shots. (My mom was terrified of needles, she even took a class for new diabetic parents where they had to check their sugars and take saline shots for I think it was a week, and she would start sweating and shaking every time. 😂) So not only was I taking on the responsibility of the disease in itself, but I was always in charge of giving my own meds. In retrospect, it was a lot to take on at such a young age, and I should have let more people help me, but I was super stubborn lol. It’s a blessing and a curse! So anyway, about a year passes and I officially got into middle school. (I was in 6th grade when I was diagnosed and turned 12 the next January after the hospital stay.) With the stresses of middle school, sports, hormones, and also the fact that I was getting a new sibling, (yay!!!) I lost it. I started getting very angry and depressed, although at the time I didn’t know what was going on. One day at school, I just completely lost my marbles and drew a line on my wrist with red marker and said when I got home, that was what I was going to do. That was the beginning of my mental illness. I spent about a week in OSU Harding Hospital, which to most would be called the looney bin. 😂 I was diagnosed with major depression, ADD, and borderline personality disorder, which was later just dropped to major depressive disorder over the years. I later developed a hair pulling anxiety disorder called trichotellamania and it caused me a lot of problems in high school because at a certain time I had no hair on the top of my head and I had also pulled out all my eyelashes on the top and bottom and my eyebrows as well. I wore scarves to cover my head and even had to get special permission from the principal because student weren’t aloud to wear anything on their heads unless it was for religious purposes. (This mostly pertained to Muslim and Arab girls who wore the scarves around their faces and heads to cover their hair.) It was a really hard time in my life and I was put on a lot of different medications. Depokote for mood swings, Prozac for the depression, Anafranil for anxiety and Concerta for concentration. After a year I was taken off Prozac and was put on Zoloft, which is the only one of these meds I still take now.

That was the first of 3 different hospitalizations at Harding Hospital. It was around that first hospitalization that I really started to neglect my sugars. I also ended up being diagnosed with hypertension at age 14 and was put on Lisinopril. It was like pulling teeth getting me to check my sugars, to take my insulin and also to take my pills. One thing I remember vividly from my childhood was my moms voice screaming, “TAKE YOUR PILLS!!!” 😂 I would even make up sugars and just write them down in my log book right before my appts with Doctor Sotos so I wouldn’t get yelled at. 😳🙄 When my a1c blood work would come back, they would know I was lying. This would eventually cause Doctor Sotos to drop me as his patient when I was 18 for noncompliance. It would later be one of the biggest regrets of my life losing him as an endocrinologist, as I never again found one I liked as well as him. The more I was asked to take care of myself, the more I wouldn’t. This behavior put me in the regular hospital, OFTEN. In middle and high school, it wasn’t so bad up until 11-12th grade. But all throughout school, I used my diabetes as an excuse to get away with EVERYTHING. Always getting out of class, used it to borrow money from people all the time to get snacks I didn’t need to have, to get out of marching when I was in band.. you name it, I did it. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. My mom was very strict with me but her and I had a very tumultuous relationship when I was teenager. Whatever she asked or told me to do, I did the exact opposite just to spite her. We fought constantly and every single day I regret all the things I’ve put her through. I was very mean, and hateful to EVERYONE except the people that didn’t matter. It was an awful time for me. When I was 18 I quit school and also quit my meds including my insulin on most days. I do believe that was the year I was hospitalized every single month of the year with diabetic ketoacidosis. Ketoacidosis is something that people with diabetes get when they have long term bouts of high blood sugars. It causes flu like symptoms which include fevers, dehydration, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. (TMI I KNOW, but necessary and important in the story. Deal with it 😂) When I was 19, that’s when I started drinking pretty heavily. I also ended up pregnant with my son Aden that year. I was a high risk pregnancy both because of my diabetes and because of my hypertension, so I should have been going to a specialized doctor every two weeks. I NEVER went to the doctor. I had a lot of complications, including bleeding, I also caught pneumonia and my sugars continued to be all over the place. Everyone in my family was getting fed up.

At 20 years old, I was 5 months pregnant and still completely in denial that I needed to grow up. My mom and I had a huge fight (I don’t remember what it was over) and she gave me an ultimatum. She said I needed to either get a job and start taking care of myself for me and my child, or I needed to leave. I was so hard headed, that I told her I would rather live in a shelter than listen to anything she said to me- so that’s exactly what I did. I only ended up there for about a week, maybe 10 days, and then I got a bus pass and road to my moms work, and BEGGED her to take me back in. I swore I would change and that I would do the right thing. Little did I know, the damage had been done. I never got a job, although I filled an application or two out on occasion to keep my family off my back. On May 7, 2008 I went into labor with my son, and it was the worst experience of my life, even worse than being on dialysis or having to get a transplant. I have expressed my sorrow before to others and on social media, and I know for a long time people didn’t believe I was truly pregnant or had a child because of how secretive I was about the whole thing. There were reasons for that in which I will not elaborate on, but it was real, and the pain I felt, the tears I shed and the loss I experienced were not imagined or made up. I was in ketoacidosis when I got to the hospital, and so when I went into ICU and I had been stabilized, and taken to the maternity floor, they couldn’t find a heartbeat for the baby. When I saw the still, silent screen and they told me the reality I never imagined I’d have to face, I had never and probably will never feel that type of emptiness again. My heart sank to my feet, and I just sat there with tears streaming down my still, emotionless face. The image of that screen will forever be burned into my brain. On May 8, I delivered my stillborn son, Aden Bryce Sadler. I held him in my arms for quite some time after all was said and done. I have never talked about the things I said to my son that day or what I am going to describe next TO ANYONE, but I feel it’s time. Part of the reason I’m doing this blog is because I need to get everything out and forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made. Everything I’ve done, wrong and right has brought me to where I am and no matter which angle you look from, I’m blessed to be alive and considering my situation, things could be a lot worse. DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE EASILY EMOTIONAL, AS I CRIED WRITING THIS.. They wrapped him in a little blue and white stripped blanket, with a blue hat. I remember the color of his poor lifeless face and the hat were almost the same. He had my lips and the shape of my eyes, with long eyelashes just like mine. Dark hair that poked out of the sides of his hat, but only wavy, not ringlets like I had when I was born. He had his fathers nose, and big ol’ head, haha. I had never seen a creature so beautiful and I’d never felt so much love and so much sadness at the same time. I couldn’t tell you how many times I kissed him and rocked him close to my body, as I knew it would be the first and last time I ever would. All I could say in that moment where time stood still was this, “I’m so sorry, I love you so much. I’m so so sorry.” I just kept repeating it over and over again. The nurse came in and told me it was time. It felt like it had only been a moment and she practically had to pry him from me. I cried until I had no more tears, so long and hard that I dry heaved a few times. The worst part about it, was that I was completely alone. I was completely alone and the reason was because I pushed everyone away and locked them all out. For the first time I realized how wrong I had been, but I had too much pride to admit it. I went on for the next two months like nothing was wrong, until I got sick, and this time a simple hospital stay wouldn’t cut it. This was the first time I hit rock bottom.

2 notes · View notes

vainonvenus · 4 years ago

Text

7.21.2020 FIRST APPT!!!

lol I was so excited. I don’t plan on birthing in a hospital but check ups & ultrasounds will be.

I had to be alone due to COVID but dad was on FT & in the car waiting. They said he can only come in for the ultrasounds which is understandable.

The only thing they really told me is that I’m very early along (which I knew) 5 weeks! & due date is March 24 :)))))) IM HAVING AN ARIES YALL. I’m a Leo but I’m so excited for my little fire prince ♥️. (I know he’s a boy lol)

They went over programs they had and shit but I’m not going through the hospital for a lot. I’m currently looking for a black doula and midwife in my area to assist me.

When asked if I had any questions or concerns, I mentioned cramping which has been happening and scaring the shit out of me bc it deadass feels like a period but the doctor reassured me it was normal due to the uterus expanding. I also brought up losing weight. I’ve lost about 5-6 lbs within the past week. I’m already small ~120lbs so this worries me being that I don’t even have morning sickness yet. The doctor said it was too early to be concerned but I still shouldn’t be losing and should try speaking to a nutritionist. He said he’d suggest one through the hospital but I’m vegan and I’d rather find one on my own to make sure I don’t hear no bullshit about my malnutritioned, vegan diet & how I’m starving/harming my baby cause somebody a get cussed out.

It’s funny bc his mom doesn’t know yet and she just wants to feed me so badly bc I’m small but little does she know lmfaoo girl gimme 2 more months. Imma pick up! She’s gonna try to stuff me y’all...w non vegan food lmfao I AINT HAVING IT.

But anyways, I do have my first ultrasound next week :)))) I’m tooo excited lol & my end of first trimester appt is next month.

As soon as I hear my baby heartbeat he gotta take me to the store cause imma wanna hear it at home too 🥺🥴.

#personal blog #personal #me #pregnancy #pregnant #first trimester #first time mom #black mom #black love #first pregnancy

0 notes

vampyrechick · 5 years ago

Text

My Mental Health Story

*****WARNING: This post contains self harm and suicide attempts and ideation*****

When I finally accepted my diagnosis of bipolar II, it sounds cheesy, but my whole life made sense. Me as a little girl isolating, being paranoid, getting fixated on things, moods changing quick, the self harm. The self harm... first it was digging my long fingernails into the back of my hands till it bled, banging my head against the wall, pulling out my hair. Later as i grew up, the self harm turned into punching large bruises into my legs, raking my nails down my forehead, and eventually cutting my wrists. It was punishment. Punishment for being me.

I was picked on all through school- too fat, too skinny, fake boobs, etc. None of which was true. I was right in my BMI and there was nothing in my bras but my boobs. I got made fun of for having freckles and moles and I even got picked on for needing a rolling backpack when I broke my clavicle and was unable to lift heavy things.

I started college and started dating my now husband. I’d had a few huge panic attacks here and there, but never really knew what they were. He knew something was wrong with me, but didn’t quite know what. He had a suspicion on bipolar and after working with a bipolar person, so did my dad.

I’d been working at a well known lingerie store for 7 years when my boyfriend and I got married, had a kid, and bought a house with my brother. Having a baby was hard especially not knowing she was lactose intolerant so my moods were everywhere. We fixed up the house for a year and finally moved in in late 2013. I’d been getting mentally abused at that store the whole time- getting passed up for promotions, blamed for things getting stolen, yelled at, etc. It was time for a new job and more money. My brother was out a job for a while, so we needed to pay for the house somehow. I got a job at a well known insurance company. I didn’t know it, but I’d been having panic attacks all through 6 months of training. It felt like I was being crushed and I couldn’t breathe and I’d been throwing up every morning while getting ready. At the age of 4, my daughter even came in to comfort me while I was nauseous and said I’d be ok and just needed food and brought me a bucket to throw up in. Being on the phones was the worst for me. I did get my promotion and moved out of training though. I was there almost a whole year and almost to my next promotion and I had the biggest panic attack I’d ever had. It was the start of my shift and I couldn’t get on the phone. All those mornings of throwing up in the shower getting ready for this job blew up into this huge 2 hour long panic attack. My friend had to talk to managers over the phone after trying to calm me down, I had to talk to the nurse, my brother and husband had to come pick up me and my car. That was the last day in the office for me. HR was horrible. The lady I got didn’t care about mental heath and constantly needed dr notes. I eventually had to quit. A lot of people quit that job because of the stress.

I had been going to the dr while at the insurance job trying to find out why I was throwing up every morning and why I couldn’t breathe. I got checked for gall stone, ulcers, crohns, everything. Ultra sounds, endoscopy, colonoscopy, etc. My dr finally told me it was mental. I refused to believe it, but I went up a floor to psych anyway. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was put on so many different combinations and saw so many different doctors and none were working. After I quit, I of course lost health insurance and had to go through the state. Again many different pills, but less often as the dr wanted to slowly try combos. My husband somewhere in there lost his job, my brother got one, and then my husband found one making road signs. I got insurance again.

My friends mom got me a job filing paperwork at a well known car dealership. I did well filing, but I started having to greet customers in service and move cars into the smallest of parking spots. I started fixating on things, arguing with my boss, and getting lonely in the back room. I even tried to open a vein in my wrist in the bathroom at work with a wire hanger. I got really depressed in the back and the anxiety while moving cars was great. I crashed 1,2,3 cars and I was out. I was put on a 3 day suspension (which afterward turned into being fired). That day I went home and took over a full bottle of prescribed medication. I wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to exist. Just sleep forever. I was tired. Tired of my brain and stress and not knowing how to fix what i was going through. Just so tired. I text my husband to pick up our daughter from school and said goodbye. He called 911 and they came in and walked me downstairs, strapped me to the bed in the ambulance and took me to the nearest hospital in late September 2017.

They didn’t have to pump my stomach, but I did end up having a seizure. My husband, mom, and dad all came to see me and my aunt and uncle watched my daughter after school. I got put on a 5150 which is a 3 day hold in the psych ward of the hospital. I begged to be let out for the first two days. I was diagnosed bipolar II and placed on a handful of medication to take while there. I eventually gave in and participated so I could go home. The meds they gave me made me hungrier. I got out in 3 days time and still had to take those meds. and 3 months later on those meds I was 60 lbs heavier. I looked and looked for someone to help me lose the weight. Eventually I found a psych at the health insurance place that changed my medication, but after a little, they weren’t cutting it. I’ve changed meds and doses a bit. I kept asking my psych and my regular dr and my therapist for a way to help me lose weight. Nothing. I got into a bipolar group after taking IOP. A handful of them had to get surgery to lose the weight they gained on bipolar meds.

May 2019 I had an episode and landed back in the hospital under 5150 this time just for ideation. I begged again the first 2 days to be let out. My husband came every night to visit and my parents at least once since my dad works out of town. I participated when I could and got out in 3 days. I went into IOP again for 12 weeks. Then last 2 weeks of October come and I’m back in the ideation stage. I need the hospital, but the insurance policy changed and I don’t know if it’s covered. I go like that until mid November. I get put on new medications and have to cold turkey off one drug and slowly go on one and whatnot. In the beginning I can’t tell what’s real and what is a dream. For a week I live like that. Then I have a day or two of being ok, and switch to being angry. Cold turkeying that drug made me lose touch with reality for a whole week then adding that new drug made me angry. I had to stop one of the new drugs (the one that made me angry).

I’ve had trouble sleeping off and on my whole life probably due to episodes. It got worse when my grandma on my dads side passed away and lately seem to have trouble often even on meds to help.

My resting heart rate is always above 100. Often around 120 and has gotten as high as 153 (resting).

On the combo I’m on now I’ve thought about giving myself a labottomy when I used to want to drill open my head and try to fix whatever is wrong with me.

April 2020 and I haven’t had a job since about July of 2018. Before COVID-19, I was getting panic attacks every day having to take my daughter to school. In fact she missed the day school closed (March 16,2020). The panic was bad and I couldn’t get myself to drive. I’ve been fighting to get on social security disability and I have a lawyer. I had a hearing in January 2020, but needed a court ordered psych appt. The appt was scheduled for late March and was canceled because of COVID-19. Since we are a 1 income family in San Diego, it’s hard to afford our house.

I’ve had meds make me talk slow, think slow, fall fast asleep at work, hungry 24/7, thirsty 24/7, have to tinkle every 45 mins, make me tense all my muscles 24/7 for weeks. I’ve had them effect my memory. Even my memory of what everyday words are.

May 2020 I’m so stressed about everything that I’m getting massive heartburn again. I don’t know what medication to help aleviate it because lithium reacts with everything.

July 2020 stress got to me. The stress of possibly not being able to stay in my house, the stress of my backyard being so full of weeds that my husky had to get fully shaved and get over 300 foxtails pulled from his skin (and of course the bill that came with it), the stress of my husband having a kidney stone in each kidney, the stress of my husbands car not having ac and his drive to and from work is 1 hour each way (and of course not being able to afford to fix it), the stress of my car leaking oil (and again not being able to afford fixing it), and I’m sure there is more. I went out with my parents and they asked me to be friends with someone who stopped being my friend because of my disorder in order to make my brother happy. That hurt. I texted them and wanted them to know how that made me feel especially while I’m dealing with all this other stuff and got some crappy replies. I then realized that I was being stigmatized by family and they weren’t the only ones and I lost it. I got put on another 5150 July 1st. I felt like I had lost a huge part of my support team. I wanted to stab myself in the throat and make a special note to my dad as to why he, my mom, and my brother made me kill myself. While in the hospital I realized that my husband and his father (when he is able to visit) are sympathetic to what I am going through and my husband does everything he can to make things easier on me. I am very lucky to have him. Later in July I had another instance where I couldn’t tell what was real and what was not. I hope that isn’t a regular thing again.

July still and I found out my brother had invited my bipolar best friend over for a bbq and made advances and was shut down. He text her dirty texts and she told me she still shut him down and I was upset because never once did anyone in my family reach out to see if I was ok after getting out of the hospital, but my brother would text my friend he’s hung out with less than 5 times? So I message him and he gets defensive and I decide to cut him from my life. I’m upset the couple days after and my husband tells me my daughter is showing more signs of bipolar (she’s 10 and there’s a 10% chance of passing it down). I get more upset and miscommunication leads to my husband calling my parents who I am still mad at for stigmatizing me. The first thing my dad does when he gets here? Tries to fix the door handle to the bathroom because my mom couldn’t open the door when there was another one she could have used instead of check on me like my husband had asked. Things get heated and I tell them they were the reason I was hospitalized on July 1st and they then said they were calling the police. More things were said about how upset and how they don’t even try to learn or read a book to learn and they said “no book can teach me about bipolar.” And I said the whole family stigmatizes me by not saying anything when I say I can babysit and my dad said “well no wonder they think they are a danger to their kids look at you!” I told them to get out and my mom had to be forced out due to refusing to leave without my child. She then called my daughters phone and tried to talk her into walking outside to them so they could take her from me. A therapist called and deemed me ok to not go to the hospital and wait until my regular appointment (in a few minutes from then). My regular therapist then called and talked to me and came to the same conclusion as the therapist before her. My husband came home to my parents on the porch. My father then told him that I was in rage and that it was just a seizure. I was not. I am hurt and sad and upset and misunderstood. I don’t understand why people don’t get that mental illness is a real thing. Why can’t you learn about bipolar from a book? How do doctors learn? You learn how it works and what the symptoms are and then you learn the specifics of the person you love. How is that a difficult concept?

I have been having seizures at night now though. Multiple a night. Just small few second ones. Haven’t been able to sleep for a few nights unless I get so tired I pass out.

As a kid I’ve never felt like I fit in with my family and it transferred into adulthood even before I found out I was bipolar. I didn’t feel happy when I felt I should have been. I felt left out from the girls group because I didn’t like the same things they did, but I didn’t fit into the boys group either. Then adulthood. I was the first out of all the cousins to have a child and get married and buy a house, but I’m not the oldest. I just never fit. I see how the oldest and second youngest (of the girl group) go out to bingo together and of course the oldest and youngest are sisters so they are close, but me? I had 2 brothers. Where did I fit? They hung with the boy cousins. I didn’t have anything in common with either group. Again adulthood I still don’t fit because I don’t have a job and my kid is over 5 years older than the age of the babies everyone else just had. Now we add bipolar to the group and no one else has a mental disorder. None diagnosed at least.

More about my childhood, but first I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Insomnia due to stress, seizures which I’ve never had before (due to stress), and things I should have grown out of (thanks genetics... due to stress). I’ve never been happy with myself because of it and I’ve always had trouble sleeping. Most of my sleeping issues came after my grandma died. All I could think about was death. Burning alive in a house fire, drowning, being creamated alive, being buried alive, etc. I got more depressed.

Growing up at family functions I would ask to “play in the car” which meant sit and wait to go home. Now looking back I know I was sad and overwhelmed with the loud noises and not fitting in. I’d throw up every Easter. I was told it was because I ate to much candy. Now I see it was anxiety. Anxiety to find all my eggs because my family is competitive. Anxiety because my family is loud. Anxiety because I didn’t fit in.

I didn’t fit in at school either. I said earlier I was always made fun of. I forgot about how the kids would always dare different boys to ask me out and then laugh about it. My husband has learned not to tell me I’m pretty or beautiful because it makes me cry. I don’t believe him. I don’t believe any compliments ever and never have. They upset me. I’ve taken lipstick or eyeliner and written “fat, ugly, useless” ect on my mirror. I gave up on wearing make up because to me, it’s not to make you look pretty, it’s to enhance your beauty and i don’t feel I have any. First it was my cystic acne and now it’s my weight. I’ll never be how I want to look again because doctors don’t care. I was literally told “would you rather be alive and fat or dead?” I want to be happy. What’s the point of a life if you aren’t happy?

Growing up I didn’t feel like I got much attention. I tried to come up with ways to break a bone at school 1-5 grade. Lotion on my hands then go on the monkey bars, play the tougher games like red rover where people did try to break your arms while running over, ect. Nothing worked.

It’s been a hell of a ride. Paranoia, obsession, fixation, anger, hypomania, depression. It’s hard. It’s really hard to live this way. I finally got someone to help me with my weight loss early April 2020 after getting to be 110lbs over what I was. I still struggle with mood swings because obviously there is no cure and I can’t remember things and often forget what everyday things are called. Some times I feel like I am putting on a face for others. Like a “happy face”, so they don’t have to ask “what’s wrong”. I do know (when I’m in my wise mind) that I have help and a small amount of people who love me who will be there for me when I need it.

It’s August now and my parents are lying to my husband about what happened just like they lied about why they asked me to be friends with someone for my brothers sake. First it was because the wedding. I pointed out they asked it was after they broke up. They stated it was just to be in the same room. I stated no that’s what was said after I told them why she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. Why am I wrong? Why lie? Why not admit it?! You fucked up! Just because my brain doesn’t produce chemicals to make me happy doesn’t mean it makes me stupid. “We called our granddaughter to come outside to the porch.” Ok. Then what? You were under the impression someone was going to take me away which in turn means you thought you would get my daughter. That’s stealing. I didn’t want her outside and you knew that.

Still beginning of August. I guess July was too rough with me not sleeping that since August came along and I fall asleep all the time and I can’t wake up. You’d think sleep would be a good thing, but the sleep I get is nothing but nightmares that I can’t wake up from. I went to the doctor the other day and found out that a small lump I’ve had on my shoulder since 4th grade is a cyst brought on by stress. I also have psoriasis... brought on by stress. I have been shaking a lot lately due to anxiety and money problems keep getting worse. My stomach won’t stop hurting.

Wow it’s the first Saturday in August. How much has happened. That girl my parents asked if I would be friend with for my brother btw is married. I had asked my friend of like 25 years when the incident happened if she would take her off things like Instagram and Facebook and stuff and she had a fit, but half took her off Instagram. You know where you unfollow them but they still follow you? So yea I was still mad but she claimed she didn’t know how to not have her on Instagram. You know that “block” button. Yea I guess that doesn’t exist. So recently after my parents thing I see she adds the new Facebook page (I blocked one so this is a new one) and I lose me shit). She text me asking me how I am doing and I not word for word say “don’t ask how I am if you don’t give a shit. I see you added that bitch recently and I don’t know if you’ve done reading or not on mental health, but triggers are things that set back forward progress. I don’t get why I fight for you to be in my life when you don’t fight for me to be in yours. Don’t text me again” and I blocked her. She then had her daughter (who’s always grounded from her phone) bombard my daughters phone with “can my brother and I sleep over? Auntie has to answer my moms texts though” like what the fuck?! She’s always been a “user.” And when I say “user” I mean “drive me here and I’ll ignore you the whole concert” “give me money and I’ll say I’ll pay you back and never actually will” “ watch my kids every weekend for like 2 months and I’ll never return the favor.” Shit like that. I’m out. Done. To quote my favorite movie in a time of pain this Katelynn “chick must have beer flavored nipples.”

August is the month that just keeps giving. I am non stop nauseous. I threw up the other day and it caused me to have a nose bleed. Mental health drug withdrawals are no joke. Hopefully I’m on a good mix again for another year or whatever. Once the withdrawals stop, I need to stop the stress and anxiety. My husband says my dad is trying to make an effort to learn now, but I don’t know if it’s too late. He and my mom have already triggered me many times by asking me to be friends with that girl who didn’t want to be my friend because my illness to make my brother happy. My dad also told me I’m a danger to children when I’ve only ever hurt myself whereas his oldest has gotten expelled from high school for fighting and has a track record for punching holes in walls and hitting cabinet doors off hinges, but because I have a label, I’m dangerous. There’s just some things you just can’t take back.

I don’t know if I’ve already stated, but I forget what things are called and the stress to get my thoughts and what I’m trying to say out is huge because I don’t want to hear “what?” “I missed that” “I didn’t hear what you said.” It’s cause I didn’t get to finish! I stopped to figure out what the word was now I forgot the whole sentence! Colored pencils are colored sticks. Elote is elbow. Ice is grass. Posture is prosper. I HATE this! I come up with ANY word that will come out to avoid a pause so I can avoid “what?” I truely cannot remember the word either until someone tells me.

It’s the end of August and my parents and I are slowly starting to talk. First about small things like video games, but yesterday I called my mom and told her I was sorry for how I expressed my feeling. I said I never should have acted out in anger and should have come to them calmly (though now thinking about it, I did and it didn’t work, but what’s done is done). My dad is reading the book and really taking it in. The book being from a bipolar persons perspective is nice for him. My mom is also doing internet research. My brother has been asking how I have been doing which is nice though I still don’t know how I feel about him and how he treated my friend. My oldest brother has been silent. We’ve never been close. It hurts, but he’s got two little girls to deal with I guess. I would have been asking about him, but oh well I’ll take what I get. I’ve did the distance thing I realized because I was afraid of losing them again. Afraid the anger and fighting would come back and it would just be a never ending cycle. I hope this book opens eyes. On other notes, I’ve upgraded to nocturnal panic disorder. I’ve been waking up in a panic from sleep. Still having nightmares, but the times I don’t, PANIC!

My parents and I are doing better since my dad is reading the book. I appologized for how I said things in anger to both of them because it wasn’t fair to them for my to have done that even if I did try calmly. I should have kept trying. My dad said the book is really eye opening and he didn’t need the apology, but appreciated it. He said reading it made him realize I couldn’t help it. I can’t explain right now what he meant, but it’s just like loss of control (I posted the book in another post). I text my brother to tell him I love him because I do and I understand why he would ask my friend out, but I’m still upset because I know I was a rebound and he didn’t have good thoughts. I know he knows it was a mistake and in time we will be ok. On another note, I found out why I was having nocturnal panic attacks. I stopped my sleeping pills that is also for anxiety. I started a medication that I haven’t been on for a little and I took my on the spot anxiety med the other day and i had a few psychotic breaks again (a few in one day). So now I won’t take my on the spots anymore.

My primary care doctor has put me on a medication to help with weight loss in addition to the others I am on. Its also supposed to help with full body pain and swelling which I have. In just three days I have already noticed reduced swelling and pain. Dieting is still hard, but less hard. I am couting calories safely to lose 1 pound a week and eating at least 80 grams of protein. Thats it. Thats my diet I am following. Nothing special or fancy or hard to do. Simple.

Took almost 2 years on the dot, but I finally got on SSDI as of early Sept. and early Oct. I got my award letter. I didnt fully win my case (only 16 months out of 2 years, but I will take it). Also, I don’t get paid for the first 5 months of that 16 months which I don’t fully understand, plus I have to pay the lawyers, but still, I won. We also got a notice saying that since I have a child, I can apply to get money to pay for her as well. That was easy to apply for and only takes a month to hear back for, so I should hear back early Nov.

;

0 notes

babyhearteyes-blog · 8 years ago

Text

first fertility appt

After spending my entire morning as a ball of nerves and anxiety, my husband and I went to our first fertility appt. It was MUCH less stressful than I had anticipated. But I have anxiety so pretty much everything in life is less stressful than I actually think it’ll be. Anyways, we had a mini consultation with my doctor, but I had filled out the preconsultation paper work SO thoroughly that she was basically like “yea you seem like a pro on this stuff, no need to lecture you about stuff you already know.” haha thanks google.

Then I had a transvaginal ultrasound. Once again, not as bad (or even bad) as I had thought it’d be. She looked at my uterus shape, my ovaries, and counted eggs. She said my uterus was “pretty”. Girl, don’t make me blush. She could tell that I had just ovulated from my right side, which I already knew. According to her everything looked good. Yay?

And then the blood test. Look. I know that with fertility testing and especially pregnancy there is A LOT of blood testing, but I HATE needles. Like the thought of pushing a baby out of me doesn’t scare me. The thought of a tiny ass needle in my vein does. I’m weird and irrational, I know this. However, the girl who took my blood was amazing. Three viles and I barely felt a thing. Whew. And that was it. Went over some insurance stuff and was told to make an appointment for an HSG as soon as my period started. Yay something else to stress over. But overall it was a good experience, I like my doctors, and I’m actually excited to keep going to find out the cause of everything. Let’s do this.

#ttc #ttc baby 1 #ttc over 25 #fertility #infertility #pregnancy #ttc community #fertility appointment

13 notes · View notes

assholemurphy · 6 years ago

Text

so, i’m dying.

lol, not rly. except, yeah, kinda.

my gallbladder has finally fucked itself into a coma and only wakes up to force me to projectile vomit myself into oblivion whenever i consume solids. and on occasions, liquids, if it’s rly cranky. that’s my life now.

i have managed to eat 2 hot pockets, some chips, abt 8 jalepeno poppers, and three eggrolls (and keep them down) in the past 2 weeks. all that i’ve been able to keep down has happened in the past 24hrs. i’m not sure how i managed it, tbh, but it wasn’t without a fight. other than that, i have not digested anything but liquids in the past 2 weeks. i cannot think straight, i can barely form words in my head, let alone say them out loud. this is not fun and i don’t like it. it was one thing to choose not to eat (tho, rly, with an ed, it wasn’t exactly a choice, ya feel?) and to choose to purge, but now that i have no choice at all, i’m so fucking pissed off. like, part of me is happy bc i’ve lost 5lbs already, even with being bloated from constant puking, but like, more of me just wants to survive so i can work on my goddamn finals. which are all due this week. and none of them are done. (except the one that was due last week, managed to do that one, luckily).

pretty boy took me to the er on sun night bc i can’t keep anything down and it’s only gotten worse since they released me. we got there right as the docs were changing shifts, so the first doc was rly narcissistic and full of himself and the second he heard me say ‘i’ve got atypical anorexia b/p subtype’ he was like, ‘ah, yes, it’s all in your head, this is your fault’ which even made pb annoyed bc he apparently can tell the difference between what’s currently going on and my (his words, not mine) ‘crash diets’. but he was p sure the doc didn’t like me bc i called my primary doc (who was supposed to get me scheduled for an ultrasound to get this taken care of almost 2 months ago but didn’t bc he didn’t believe me when i said (having opinions from 2 previous docs) i had gallbladder issues, so he ignored it) an idiot for, ya know, ignoring me when i told him something was wrong. but docs are assholes, they don’t like it when you’re right abt something they can’t see themselves. so i’m switching primary docs asap. this guy’s a fucking joke.

(it’s also been almost three weeks since the pharmacy faxed him paperwork abt the insurance company not wanting to pay for my adderall prescript bc i take 3 pills a day and they only wanna pay for 90 in 75 days (yeah, not even 2 pills a day, like this shit doesn’t work for five hours max). he still hasn’t filled it out. it’s fucking finals week and i’ve got maybe 6 pills left. how fucking grand. so that’s gotta be sorted at the same time he gets me a surgeon’s appt.)

so the guy had me pee in a cup and gave me fluids/anti nausea meds (which were nice, helped me keep down a bit of food sun night). then he basically told me ‘it’s just cyclic vomiting, you’ve just got to break the cycle’ but he was leaving so he was going to let the next guy discharge me. thank fucking god, bc otherwise, i’d probably be dead in a couple weeks.

so this next guy is eccentric af, this whole hospital is a circus, it’s fucking great (no sarcasm, i love quirky ppl). he checks out my cup of pee and orders some blood tests (that the other guy didn’t even care to do), then he comes in and talks to me and he’s fucking great, a+ doctoring, love this guy, sadly, he doesn’t have a private practice, but apparently the nurses get asked if he does all the time. how do i know? my mother asked, bc she liked him. i trusted him. i trust no docs, ever. but this one is good. he says there’s def something wrong, def not just my ed, and orders me an ultrasound for the next morning. good, great, getting this show on the road. he understands my concerns abt my primary doc and offers to explain the results of the ultrasound to my mother via phone mon night. so she calls, he tells her i’ve got ‘sludge and wall thickening’ which are Bad(tm) esp in combination with me not being able to eat anything for over a week and a half.

so, now i’ve got to talk to a surgeon and get my gallbladder removed. as i fucking figured i’d need months ago (during the summer, with my pain and stuff). now this vomiting thing has been happening at least once a semester for abt 2 years now. no one has known what is wrong. ‘it’s acid reflux, take these pills’ ‘these pills don’t work’ ‘welp, idk ^.^’ and so forth for 2. fucking. years. now i’ve got confirmation that my gallbladder is bad. like ‘could explode and kill me’ bad. this is great, i can finally get something done abt this.

except.

except it’s finals week and no only am i running v low on adderall (i just took a pill for the first time since fri morning just a few hours ago) and i’m now fatigued and unable to eat with 4 projects left to do. all of which require a fuckton of concentration. concentration i just don’t have even with the adderall bc i haven’t actually eaten much food lately and can’t fucking think at all. like, every time i eat, it comes right back up.

so, i’ve been sleeping a lot. great, right? except for ya know, all the work i’ve got? nope. i can’t sleep for longer than 4 hours without having night terrors. like BAD ones. i’d tell you abt the one i had when i slept last (from 5:30p to 8:30p) but it would require a whole host of trigger warnings just to give a summary. but it fucked me up badly. and they’ve been getting progressively worse. i dreamed my dog died. i dreamed my apartment was possessed and the demon was trying to kill me. i’ve dreamed of animal abuse and murder and even worse things that leave me fucking shaking when i wake up. but i’m so tired that i keep falling asleep anyway, no matter how scared i am. and i stay asleep, until my alarm goes off, then i shut it off and fall asleep again (into a different night terror). there is no stopping this. my body is dying and it’s telling my brain i’m in danger so my brain is trying to scare me. it’s working. i’m well aware i’m in danger but there’s nothing i can do until my mom sets up a surgeon’s appt for me. i’ve got to remind her to do that tomorrow. i’d do it myself, but i’m far to fucking out of it currently to talk to a medical professional in any capacity.

but throughout all of this, i’m falling further and further behind on my final projects. i’ve got a 10min play analysis due tomorrow at 10:30a (which i’ve got to work on tonight). then i’ve got to finish my stagecraft project (which requires that i go to the shop 3 more times so i’ve got to do that at like 11a tomorrow, then 12p thurs, then like 7p thurs, but i’ve got to find a shop employee to go with me, apparently, and i’d take goldilocks, but she obvs doesn’t want to do it, so i might ask pb or mary, if i have to). then i’ve got to do my monologue assignments for acting i (i’ve got one almost fully memorized, i just need to refresh, but i’ve got to memorize another one, read the play it’s from (i’ve got to buy the ebook), and do an analysis over it before thurs at 10:30a). then my intro to theatre final is due last, but it’s p big and i’ve got to do a lot for it. like 7pg paper plus a ‘previous action’ script (i’ve got to write up a script showing what happened before the play itself starts). i’ve got a SHITTON of work to do and only 9 hours for the sa final, then 24 hrs for the acting i final, then 26 hrs for the itt final, and somehow i’ve got to find at least 3 hours for my sc final. all while trying to get sleep and not eating anything.

plus i’ve still got to do some loan stuff with finaid this week.

i emailed my profs telling them what’s going on, but they’re not going to accept any late finals, so idk why i bothered. (i haven’t heard back bc i just emailed them like, an hour ago and it’s 1a). i CANNOT fuck up this semester bc i won’t get finaid anymore if i do and i can’t drop out. so like, i’ve got to get everything together, but i’m just so fucking sick and everything is overwhelming. i’m going to do my damnedest to get everything done, but idk if i’ll be able to. i rly don’t know.

i’m so fucking stressed over this shit, which is only making my gallbladder issues worse, so it’s a losing battle all around and i’m drowning. honestly, if i had the money, i’d pay for someone to do this for me, but i can’t and i wouldn’t anyway bc like, i’m not putting my name on anything i didn’t do myself out of some bullshit pride thing i’ve got going on. my pride’s gonna get me killed one day, i just know it.

but, tonight, i’m gonna work on my script analysis final and pray to god i can get it done in time. i’ve got like 2 hours left on my adderall, maybe 3 if i push it. i need to make a plan of attack for everything and get to work.

i’m not going to fail this semester if it fucking kills me. and it actually might.

#text #iz says stuff #ed mention #puke tw #illness mention #food mention #i'm gonna go smoke and then start making a plan so that i can sleep (probs 4 hours at a time)#get my work done and stretch my adderall as far as i can #i've also got to get my mother to come up here soon to pay for my other meds #bc i don't have much of them left #like maybe 6 pills #which is 30hours of focus #not a lot at all #i can try to balance it with extra sudafed and monster #but i've only got 5 monsters left #well 5 1/2 lol #i can do this #i've pulled thru worse #but it's not gonna be fun getting this all done #if i had my adderall refilled i wouldn't be in such bad shape #but i don't so here i am #god hates me i'm p sure #he's trying to kick my ass in every possible way he can #and i'm not gonna stand for it #i'm too proud and too stubborn to fail #but i am also too sick to be half as stubborn as i need to be #iz goes to college

0 notes