#anyway gotta contain it
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Pravi & Cynte designs, used a ref for the pose
back at it again with the white vansss. I SAW THE PLAYTHROUGH OF ENDOPARASITIC 2, GOD IT SHATTERED ME 😭😭 so sad, will rant more abt it when finishing my Karis reference bcause drawing takes timeee
#endoparasitic#endoparasitic cynte#endoparasitic pravi#oh yea why he has that yello ahh tie is cuz karis thinks he should have 'more colors in his attire'#OUT OF ALL PPL U CHOSE CYNTE KARIS????? RLLY?????#anyway gotta contain it#artists on tumblr#fanart
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some "new" designs for different crassus and pompey, specifically for a side project I've been playing with that's so removed from anything relevant (action/adventure/horror standalone story lmao) that they kind of needed their own thing. this story's pompey has a neck scar from an Incident™, crassus has shorter hair and wears (checks notes) jewelry sometimes.
#graves grime and gore tag#the default designs are still the ''''trikaranos''''' ones because it's nebulously like. eh. grounded enough in rome#this is the dmbj au but it's less dmbj and more like i put on every tomb robber movie on youku and went 'yeah okay'#while i was working. anyway. when i post from that story. i will make it clear that it is a separate contained story doing it's own thing#this version of crassus also more or less has black hair while my main crassus has brown hair#pompey is bottle blond no matter what universe he's in#god what else what else. it's set during their first joint consulship. crassus is more of an outright dick but it's because he's annoyed#that pompey is not getting with the program (you cannot become sulla during peace time!)#and this version of pompey is like a specific imposter syndrome anxiety has been cranked up to eleven and it's made him#overly competitive in stupid ways like the thing you think crassus is doing does not matter to him in the slightest#we gotta establish characterizations right off the bat and we're swinging big because i am NOT setting up anything prior to Events#like (snaps fingers) go explore the ruins consuls! get in the TOMB FELLAS. KEEP GOING GUYS
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Vampire rabbit mimic thing
#furry#furry art#furry artist#furry artwork#furry oc#The coffin is apart of her body and contains most of her organs. She takes the form of a coffin to lure in grave robbers#she takes on the appearance of a vampirey rabbit when she isnt taking a dirt nap n snack so she can pass off the coffin as a fashion choice#another pink rabbit with too many teeth. i am so predictable :)))))))))))))#anyways i gotta name her.. eventually. im bad with name fugggggg
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Welcome to my room- UH i mean my blog!! ✨
#wanted to change my blog's intro image sooo here is this little drawing !!!#it contains most of the things that i reblog all the time lol#also i wanted sheepsona to look a little bit more like me soo the sheep is wearing one of my outfits and has a ..similar haircut#and i still wanted to include the pirate sheep in the drawing so they are there as a plushie <333#asdfjgkls one of the powers of my sona is that they basically can change to whatever i want lol#they can look like a marketable sheep plushie but they can also look like a weird goat/sheep with fangs combination lol#anyway this is one of the first drawings of the year and AAA FINALLY I CAN DRAW IN DIGITAL AGAAAIN <3333#last year most of my drawings were traditional so i kinda forgot about digital lol (btw i still gotta post some of my art from 2024 )#sooo yeah i hope that u guys enjoy this little drawing :D !!#sheepsona#my drawings#diamondsheep art#r4m0c#OH also wanted to say that one of my challenges for this year is to draw more original art / ocs sooo im starting with that >:Dc!!
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missing-nin kakashi who leaves the village on his own accord. he’s pushed to the edge, and despite all the anbu missions he’s taken to get himself killed, it just doesn’t work. so he leaves and becomes a mercenary and thinks he might have some luck dying that way. he thinks part of him is still loyal to konoha but it doesn’t feel like home anymore. plus the constant needling of his ex-classmates insisting their his friends when he knows he doesn’t deserve friends, he barely deserves comrades.
so he leaves. and he does the jobs he takes well and yes, he’s still hoping he dies but he’s too good at being a shinobi so he keeps living. no matter how accidental.
he has a good fortune by the start of canon time but id like to believe he lives in a cave with a ratty futon and a few shabby changes of clothes. he lives an extremely solitary life but he’s…healed. a little. he’s never forgiven himself, he probably never will, but he’s made some sort of peace with himself and his actions.
meanwhile. the akatsuki is forming. itachi, kisame, sasori, kakazu, pain, konan, zetsu, obito (still in the shadows). almost the whole crew is there, they just need to round out their numbers a little. and who better to approach than missing-nin copy ninja kakashi? pain brings it up first one rainy day in ame. obito, or madara, is meeting with pain, konan, and zetsu and pain brings up kakashi first.
obito chokes out a no, barely hanging onto his madara act. no, he denies vehemently. the mean thought enrages something in him and the thought of having to see kakashi’s beautiful ugly mug more than he already does (because yes, he may be a missing-nin but obito wouldn’t be a stalker if he couldn’t find his prey over and over again) is brain melting and heart stopping in a very very negative way.
of course pain has to ask why, madara has never had such a visceral reaction to suggestion for a recruit.
his pants around his ankles, obito has to scramble for an excuse and it’s a little more elegant than “he’s not evil enough”. obito shuts the conversation down then and there, deciding to come back to it at a later date when he can be prepared for his ex-teammate’s name to be brought up again.
for the next three years, any time they’re low on numbers, kakashi’s name comes up and obito always struggles to react normally and his answer is always some iteration of “he’s not evil enough”. so hidan comes up with the brilliant idea to force him to be evil, similar to how they forced deidara to join the akatsuki.
obito, failing to come up with counter arguments and running out of excuses, concedes. pain, during their monthly meetings where tobi is madara, is pleased. he suggests sending itachi to fetch him, since they were once anbu together and seeing a familiar face may help. obito vetoes this and decides he’ll go get kakashi himself. he’s, of course, seen how being away from the village has affected him. and while he’s entirely competent, he’s almost too competent. and doesn’t do well with surprises.
without further preamble, he kamuis into kakashi’s cave, startling him and causing him to spill his soup everywhere. now, kakashi is very much attack first, talk second at this point in his life. having been away from society for so long has allowed his hatake genes to really take over and he’s become much more uhhh instinct driven.
so once he gets over his initial shock and his initial reaction of ‘kill kill kill’, he freezes. he’s always had a sharp sense of smell but it’s on a different level now and there’s something familiar about this strange ghost man. for someone so ghoulish, he has a scent and it lights a lamp in kakashi’s subconscious.
‘i know you’ kakashi accuses, a snarl rising in his throat. this ghoul man is in his cave, his private space, he wants answers.
‘do you?’ a deep voice asks, sounding surprised and amused.
kakashi weighs his options of arguing with ghost guy or figuring out why the hell ghost guy just…appeared in his cave.
‘i’m here to take you to join the akatsuki’ ghoul man decides for him. kakashi grunts and picks up his overturn bowl.
‘no thanks’ he states, scooping some soup from the pot into his bowl.
‘it’s not an invitation’ the apparition snaps and kakashi pauses. he sniffs towards ghost guy again but he still can’t place the scent to the man.
‘can you please leave? i’m trying to eat my dinner and well…’ kakashi asks (but of course it’s more of demand), pointedly gesturing to his mask.
‘what? no. you’re coming with me,” obito growls, his eye twitching in irritation. after all these years, all his suffering, all he’s learned and how much he’s grown…bakakashi still gets under his fucking skin.
‘i don’t want to’ kakashi pouts, petulance and amusement in his tone.
‘you don’t get a choice’ obito hisses in madara’s voice. it sounds wrong and entirely too much like obito.
‘maa, what do i get out of it?’ hatake drawls, a glint in his eye that tells obito hes enjoying this far too much.
‘nothing. you get nothing except me letting you continue to live your sorry life’ obito snaps back, unable to stop the heat of annoyance racing up his spine.
‘how do you know my life is sorry?’ kakashi taunts loftily, crossing his arms and lifting his nose to the ceiling.
‘for the love of sage’ obito takes kakashi by the arm and warps them into kamui, uncaring if kakashi recognizes the jutsu or not. he just wants him to shut up. he should kill pain for making him do this. he would kill hidan but that fucker can’t fucking die.
‘hey i recognize that foot’ kakashi mutters to himself, eye squinted at the severed foot he warped into the dimension months ago. huh. that’s where the things he disappears go. interesting.
hey wait—
‘i know that look’ obito bites out, letting his facade drop. stupid fucking genius asshole.
kakashi gasps, eyes watering in disbelief. ‘don’t—don’t fucking do that. get it together already. you’re about to meet a bunch of fuckin’ s-ranked missing-nins, you can’t be crying’
obito’s voice is a little awkward this soft, but he’s sincere. he doesn’t know how or why he’s sincere, he hates kakashi. he thinks. he’s not too sure but he hasn’t been…soft…in years. but the sight of kakashi, broken and worn down, has something in him melting just a little.
‘you fucking dickhead’ kakashi croaks, shoving obito’s shoulder. ‘you fucking— fucking asshole! you were dead! you bastard, how could you not come back? how could you not tell me?’
kakashi’s voice is hard and cracking at the edges. it throws obito off entirely. his mouth opens and closes like a limp fish behind tobi’s mask, trying to find the words he should say.
after a few moments of kakashi’s hardened stare, obito finds himself feeling indignant. ‘i never thought you’d care’ he sneers. a lie.
‘you’re not that fucking good at lying still and i’m not dense. you’ve been stalking me. at least since i left the village’ kakashi accuses with a scoff.
‘i run a terrorist organization!’ obito shoots back hotly. ‘excuse me for thinking duty-driven kakashi wouldn’t take his dead sunshine-happy teammate becoming an s-rank criminal well!’ he seethes, finding he isn’t all that angry. this feels familiar.
‘oh please. i’d follow you till the end of the fucking earth’ kakashi spits before his eyes widen in shock, much like obito’s eye does. kakashi drops his full bowl of soup on the floor of kamui and covers his mouth with both hands.
obito makes a noise in the back of his throat, ‘don’t—‘ and then he’s ripping his mask off and pulling kakashi’s hands away from his face and tugging him close. lips to mask, he doesn’t care, he kisses kakashi fervently.
he tastes kakashi through the clothe of his mask, moaning at the way kakashi moans against him, the way kakashi’s fingers find themselves in obito’s hair. when they finally pull away, obito manages a please smile, cheeks bright red and pupil blown, ‘don’t follow me. walk with me.’
kakashi rolls his eyes and pulls him in for another kiss. ‘told you i knew you’ he whispers against obito’s lips, before nuzzling his face into obito’s neck, scenting him, marking him.
———
AHEM ANYWAY:
i think kakashi’s hair would be grown out, similar to how obito’s hair was during cave life with old ass madara. his already long canines would grow, and he’d be super in touch with nature. i think he’d be able to communicate with animals similar to how juugo is. basically, once away from the village and society, he becomes a lot more hatake-ish. just. kakashi growling and snarling snurfing at any akatsuki member that isn’t obito. or itachi. he’ll accept kisame eventually too, but that’s it. everyone else he does not talk to, only growls at.
#i gotta just start writing fics#but i have no time#and i need to finish tattoo artist au fic#anyway#hatake kakashi#kakashi hatake#obito uchiha#uchiha obito#obkk#kkob#nothing in kamui ages#it’s a timeless dimension#so the severed foot is still in the condition it was severed in#obito is very much ‘this is my feral dog’#and kakashi dead faced just goes woof#obito never talks about kakashi as madara bc he can’t fucking contain himself#the uchiha genes really shine thru when it comes to kakashi for him#call it love call it obsession call it whatever you want#i think they’re beautiful no matter what#they’re so fucked up and beautiful#i’m shoving their dolls together whispering ‘kisssssss’#snips snippets#:0 i just came up with that but i hate it i think#snips speaks#better ig
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★errhhh, went on a walk today. found this old historic relic on the road. /j + /silly★


#★I swear I#I gasped when I saw this ohmystars#I felt childlike whimsy for a moment lmao#anyway#I gotta find the store in which they sell theseeee-#no no#not for the product#..but for the container of said product#I actually contemplated taking this off of the road#but I figured it would too gross to do so as it was left in the mud#plus I don't know who the fuck touched it#sooo#yea it would be pretty unhygienic#..but offer me anything that has to do with tmnt I wiLL TAKE IT OUTOFYOUR HANDS WITHOUT SECOND THOUGHT RAAAAA ‼️‼️‼️#../j#actually /hj#anyway erh#yea#just a cool little thing I found today =P★#tmnt#mm tmnt#mutant mayhem#mutant mayhem tmnt
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dropping off your emotional support librarian at her work before you go and dissociate in front of a computer screen for several hours
(base edit by @dailydoseoflarryy! thank you! C:)
#*unleashes an Older Woman to the masses* whoops sorry 'bout that i left her cage open. it's ok she can breach containment she's fine.#fifi and larry are my middle aged tamagotchis. my neighbors. and i gotta make sure they're well cared for.#otherwise they'll start tearing up my sofa. it's a mess.#anyways larry my dude can you get out of the way and leave it's my tur-#(thank you OP for the cool base edit hehe! fifi told me she loves it as you can see C: )#OC fifi#oc x canon stuff#my OCs
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sharing some thoughts about deactivating here because it’s been difficult pondering idk.
#god i really really don’t want to do this. but i have to but i don’t want to but i have to but i don’t want to. and so on. you get the gist#though i guess i am more not wanting to let go of an idea or fantasy rather than reality#like i always wanted to be an active participant in fun oc art fandom writing etc etc communities#but all i really did was make way too many people uncomfortable with my worthless stuff.#like it and me are just not built for interacting with people lmao. especially when it comes to stuff like my characters or uh.#i don’t know you can’t call it art or writing just uh. creations i guess.#and like i knew that before i made this blog but then people started interacting with me and i thought hey maybe this’ll work out maybe i#can be better and then i so wasn’t. and for that i am very sorry.#(and i mean this is not the main reason why i feel like i have to do this but i can’t just go back like nothing happened on here lmao.#i deleted 90% of my shana posts i had/am having a crashout i gotta at least follow through after being so embarrassing#after being even more insufferable than usual haha. and if i stayed there would be even more people who feel obligated to stay around#i feel. and i so don’t want that. so just one more reason why i gotta be brave and just fucking do it.)#also i do realise that there’s the possibility of not deactivating and just logging off and leaving but every time i took a break like that#i always like felt a bit ‘better’/delusional & thought it’d be ok to return. sure that’ll happen again.which is why i have to be so drastic#like even if i made a new blog i know myself well enough to know that i’ll be too embarrassed to reach out to anyone again.#so it would really be a working solution to this problem. i really should just do it.#romeo’s wretched rambles#also a message to everyone telling me that they like shana and that he’s not a shit character to obsess over & more importantly share#with folks: appreciate the sentiment but there’s a lot of his evil you don’t know about.#i was implying some stuff here and there and some people i’ve told more privately but even they are missing like 25% of the shana.#those being the absolute worst parts of him. i am still absolutely obsessed with him but that’s my error to fix and i can’t subject#people to that anymore in good conscience. seeing people say they like him actively feels like i’m pulling a shana myself and deceiving#people with lies of omission sometimes. remember that lol. obviously ik that there r big differences but sometimes it just feels awful stil#so maybe he’s better contained in a separate private blog that i can torch once i get over this rot and just be done with this fucking char#again i don’t mean to say that i don’t appreciate the support but i’m sure many of your guys’ opinions would change If You Knew. you know.#(god. with the lies of omission thing. every day i learn more abt how i subconsciously write things that make me deeply uncomfortable lol)#(and that i fear. like. that wasn’t even intentional when i gave him that trait. i just realised that while typing this pointless mess lmao#anyways. thanks for readin if you made it this far. send me anon hate or something. hit me with an anvil and spit on my corpse if you will#i hope that at least by the end of this week i will have put my brave pants on and decided on what to do. sorry for being so annoying.
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im working hard at hardly working just for you my queen~~~~~~
#funny story: so like i woke up this morning feeling oddly ✨locked in✨ to tl idol sengen…#but since it’s a workday i got the sense that *something* had gone wrong at work. bc yk. it’s just equal like that#like. if you feel up for leisure when you know gotta go to work instead…#there’s just that nagging feeling that something had gone wrong at work. right? y’know *that* feel… right…?#anyway sure enough something *had* gone wrong at work l m a o it went so poorly i cant even.#like. my sample analysis machine. thing. (details amended for privacy) ✨gave up✨ on analysing samples in the middle of the run#soooooooooo the little flame went burnin’ all night long bc it wasnt able to get to the ‘switch off after run completes’ command at the end#also i ran out of solutions for [the machine] and both of my waste containers were full and it was ✨inconvenient✨#…either way this was a truly annoying day. so im gonna go ahead and queue up my herohero/noontea tls for tomorrow just bc#im still ehhhhhhhh about some of the herohero lines so ig i’ll put one interpretation in the main part and another in the footnotes…#noontea’s a little more straightforward… but the line distributions are a little wonky… i think#oh well~~~~ the beauty of text tls is that you can amend ‘em easily if needed~~~~~ yayyyyyyyy#(tling songs is still a major pain though… oh welllllllllllll)#but~~~~~~~~~ chizuchan manga vol 2 will prolly drop at this time next monday so~~~~~ im gonna hold on just for chizuchan.#the light at the end of the tunnel is visible frfrrrrrrr wait for me chizuchan im just 5 days awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#(b u t f i r s t — i cant wait for the weekend thoughhhhhhh last weekend was really fun (spent it cleaning idolsengen pages and sleeping))#o k that’s all gn guysssss see y’all tomorrow for herohero/noontea questionable tls~~~~~~
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Tired of seeing fic on ao3 claiming to be based off dune the book series when it’s very obvious that the writer has only seen dune the movie(s).
Yes, it matters. Yes, these are very different works. You’re probably doing this for visibility; I don’t care. Archive Of Our Own is a fucking archive, stop labeling your works with a tag you know is factually incorrect. It makes it impossible for me to filter for fics I want to read.
#ao3#dune#dune books#dune messiah#written because I’ve seen so many fics claiming to be based off the book who have no idea who Alia is#like girl! that’s my girl!!!#if your fic doesn’t contain Alia The Murderous Toddler then I don’t want it in my house in my home in my life#also the fight between feyd and paul went so differently in the books vs the movie. like it’s barely even an obstacle for Paul in the books#the differences are subtle in fic but really obvious if you’re expecting to see one thing and then all of a sudden it’s something else#(did I just describe all of fic? yes. but I hope y’all know what I mean. we are working off of different canon baselines)#seriously Alia is 15 pounds soaking wet three year old child. and she kills the baron . for fun…#also the fremen are not prudes. most people get this. but really neither is the rest of the empire??? I mean the harkonens obviously were.#.like that.. but also I get the feeling that no one else really cared#I’m only on the second book so I could be wrong. but from here it seems like the dune universe has a very fluid understanding of gender and#and sexuality. and polyamory. and drug use.#shout out to face changers gotta be one of my favorite genders btw#anyway. ugh.#long rant is long
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just thinking again about the difficulty of achieving actual escape velocity from the womenswear standard of Pervasive Negative Ease…
#an extremely 2015 post brought to you by an extremely 2015 experience#namely 'someone i follow posting an outfit pic with vibes describable as ~dapperqueer~'#except that like. the trousers were by menswear standards pretty noticeably too tight#which is something i used to notice all the time with transmasc* outfit bloggers back in the day—#just that like‚ esp by comparison with the rest of the outfit‚ the pants would just be disproportionately painted on—#and like. idk. on an individual level you Gotta not hyperscrutinize people's individual choices. you just Gotta.#but systemically it just really points up like.#a way in which 'girls' get trained to shy away from ever wearing anything that might visually bulk up their body#such that their perceptions of what 'fit' means become totally skewed#by comparison with any standard that respects like. freedom of movement for both you and the fabric you're inhabiting#ditto the way so many knitters make these intensely Shaped and frankly shrunken sweaters#and like. idk. that's not my style‚ i love a good british-fisherman shapeless sack look‚ but you do you!#but like. do you not want‚ like‚ enough room to at least fit a shirt under??#but like. the body Must Be Contained.#anyway obviously it's hard bc like. lord knows with trans fashion you're always like. trying to strike a balance between things that Fit#vs things that like. seem to you to help create a gender-affirming visual illusion even if they're in material tension with your body#(and also like. 'nonbinary' isn't in fact 'just doing the Opposite thing'! the freedom to pick and choose is part of the point!)#but at the same time. on a broader level. Patterns Do Emerge…#anyway really i'm just mad bc i'm thinking abt like. clothes i bought in too small a size#bc of my bad mind-warping training#and how i'm STILL‚ even now‚ struggling to accept eg the birk size that all metrics agree i should be#because something in my brain is like. wow those sure are some boats down at the end of your hairy calves!#which is making me feel murderous bc like. i love my leg hair passionately actually! and i deserve to have room for my toes to wiggle!!#like. goddamn. can we take up space!!!#anyway. like i said. some *extremely* 2015 nonbinary feminism feels…#(probably a bad and humiliating post to make but what is a perblog for if not. bad and humiliating posts.)
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holidate ch10 spoilers without context 😌✨️
#wont lie this week was god fucking awful and i considered skipping an upload here but this chapter contains scenes that ive had in#bullet points since the start so i was really looking forward to actually getting them done bc i think theyre funny/cute whatever you wanna#call it so <3 upload it is <3#the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease but i stay silly 💖💖#(dw abt me fr i just gotta make it two more weeks until i get concerts + a break and from then its all gonna go uphill again i swear)#OK IDK WHY IM RAMBLING PERSONAL STUFF HERE IM SORRY ANYWAYS idiots in love time tomorrow woohoo ✌🏼✨️#joker out#bokris#holidate spoilers
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Praying that Fujimoto lets these two become best friends. Denji really needs a win that doesn’t come from an adult and I think a cool hybrid bro is exactly what.
#sword hybrid#sword man#we gotta get some kind of name#denji hayakawa#denji#csm#chainsaw man spoilers#chainsaw man#chainsaw man part 2#chainsaw man manga spoilers#he knew hybrids were immortal but I assumed they went into hiding or were contained or something#anyway where is Quanxi and Reze
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#detective conan#dcmk#名探偵コナン#meitantei conan#edogawa conan#mouri ran#mouri kogorou#anime#episode 240-241: the shinkansen transport case#my stuff#my gifs#detco posting#i'm so sorry for the grainy quality i know it's shit but i'M still learning + hard to find good material out there#(next plan: gotta invest into dvds so i can make better gifs. it's a crime how detco doesn't have releases of all eps)#anyways i still wanted to share this#bc RAN PUTTING HIM IN A CHOKEHOLD#TOTALLY CONTAINING THE GREMLIN. It'S ICONIC OK?#this was such an impactful scene in the anime and yes i compared with the manga. anime slays here#ran is definitely not paid enough for babysitting this menace of a child#and i just love how she keeps her hold on him AND keeps him on her lap#this girl is perfect i tell you and deserves the world#also shinichi's expression IS BEAUTIFUL
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[read on ao3]
"You okay?"
Lydia has her elbows on her knees. Sitting in the waiting room of Deaton's clinic, her blue dress paradoxically bright against the bland color palette of the room, she's a contradiction unto herself. She looks tired and shaken. She looks glad to be alive. She looks unprepared to believe that being alive is going to last.
"I've been worse," is how she answers him. Then, "I've also been better."
Stiles takes the empty seat beside her.
"Feels like we're always hovering in the middle there," he offers.
Lydia nods. "Ethan and Aiden are going to be okay."
"Thank God," Stiles deadpans. "I would have been heartbroken to lose them.”
Lydia gently shoves him. "They did the right thing in the end. They're not that bad."
Stiles only hums, drumming on his knee with restless fingers. A deafening silence crowds them in. Stiles reflects on the events of the last twenty-four hours and finds them alarming when compressed into such a small time frame.
"What's on your mind?" he dares to ask, after the quiet is almost insurmountably heavy. If Deaton is still in the exam room with the twins, they're being very quiet. Suspiciously so. Something for Stiles to check on, once he's done checking on Lydia.
Lydia who is smoothing out her dress with a persistence that could be called obsessive. Every motion creates a new wrinkle, and every time, Lydia flattens it under her thumb.
"Oh, you know." Her tone is light, but her twisting fingers betray just how uneasy she is. "Thinking about how the last time I was sitting in this waiting room, you were dead for sixteen hours."
Stiles takes that one to the solar plexus, though he's not sure how else it could be taken.
"I wasn't…really dead. It was more like a long sleep. A long, icy sleep."
"You stopped breathing." Lydia stares lasers into her knees. "You didn't have a heartbeat. Deaton kept saying it was okay, that this was normal, that if something was really wrong we would know, but he was lying, I could tell. He wouldn't let us near you guys — he said he didn't want us interfering with the process." A fist forms in her lap, creasing the folds of her dress. "Sixteen hours. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. I just sat here. Waiting. Hoping Deaton wasn't full of shit."
"And he wasn't," Stiles says, morbidly upbeat. "We came back!"
"You don't get it," Lydia says, sounding angry and scared and deeply wounded all at the same time.
Stiles frowns. If she would just look at him, maybe he could read her expression, but he can't tell what she's thinking from the set of her shoulders. "So help me get it."
Lydia breathes out, out, out, expelling air like it's a toxic gas.
"Humans have a reflex," she says in a small voice, staring through her palms. "It prevents them from drowning until the last possible second. The survival instinct is so powerful that it overpowers the breathing instinct, even when holding your breath becomes excruciatingly painful. It's called—”
"Voluntary apnea," Stiles says dumbly.
Lydia looks up at him and nods once. Her green eyes latch onto his.
"You told me once that death happens to the people around you," she says, biting her lip. "I can't imagine how it must have felt to be in that ice bath…but can you imagine how it felt to be the one holding you down?"
Stiles is too dumbstruck to answer.
"I killed you. I did that. It doesn't matter that it was temporary. I didn't know that, we didn't know that for sure. I held you in that water until you died, Stiles." Her hands tremble. "You were dead for sixteen hours because of me. I was a murderer. For sixteen hours."
"Whoa whoa whoa, hey," Stiles says. His 'Protect Lydia Martin' instinct is back online and the alarm is blaring. He grabs her hands in both of his, keeping them still and warm.
"Okay, first of all, you didn't murder me. It was consensual drowning! If anything it was more like assisted suicide." Lydia glares. "Not helping. Right. Sorry. Um, but secondly, and— and way more importantly, Lydia, yeah, maybe you temporarily killed me, but you also— you brought me back to life."
She’s unmoved, he can tell, so he shakes her gently. "Yeah. You did that. Look, anyone can kill me. I'm not even six feet of fragile bones and zero muscle mass, and my best friend's a freakin' werewolf, okay, killing me is not impressive. Bringing me back? That takes something else. Something special, and only someone who—" He tries not to stammer but his tongue sabotages him, "who cares about me enough to bring me back to life could do that, and honestly, those are in short supply, so yeah. Maybe you were a temporary murderer, but you were also a savior. My savior." He smiles weakly. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."
Lydia holds his gaze. She holds his hands, too — not passively but decisively, clutching them like a lifeline, like she's the one who's drowning. Reflecting once again on the past twenty-four hours, it occurs to Stiles that he is not the only person for whom that stretch of time has been alarming.
"That's certainly a nicer way of looking at it," she yields softly. Then she shakes her head. "But it doesn't change the fact that in order to save you, I had to kill you." Now she weaponizes that arresting stare, seaglass green pinning him to his seat. "I'm never doing that again, you understand? I can't."
"I wouldn't ask you to."
"You don't know what it was like," she murmurs — seemingly talking to herself now, more than him, anyway. "Watching you. And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything but sit there."
Something niggles Stiles's brain, that feeling he gets when a few different threads braid themselves into a discernible pattern. The emotional tether. Lydia's remorse. Sixteen hours of sitting and waiting.
"Sitting there was exactly what you were supposed to do," he realizes, also half to himself. It gets her attention anyway; she frowns at his conclusion. Stiles goes on: "An emotional tether, Deaton said, someone to bring us back, I didn't really get it, how that could work, but you just said it. You all just sat there. For sixteen hours. You waited. You stayed, so I had someone to come back to. The way only a tether could do. Think about it, right? If a fisherman casts a line and then walks away from the fishing pole, it doesn't matter whether he hooks a fish because no one is there to reel it in."
"Are you comparing yourself to a fish?"
"We were underwater, I was thinking about water, it was the first metaphor that came to mind, give me a break,” Stiles says defensively. "My point is, sixteen hours is a long time. Long enough to get bored, to lose faith, to give up and walk away and pronounce us dead. But you guys didn't. You didn't."
"Deaton said—”
"You just told me you thought Deaton was full of shit. But you stayed anyway, right?" Stiles presses, looking Lydia in the eye. "You had a feeling. Or maybe you just believed. Whatever it was, you stayed. That's how you brought me back. You thought you weren't doing anything, but you were doing the most important thing." He squeezes her hands. "You were waiting for me."
#lydia martin#stiles stilinski#stydia#stydia fic#teen wolf#teen wolf fic#fic#my fic#tw#tw fic#this fic contains spoilers for season 3a of teen wolf in case any newcomers happen upon it#boy i am a one trick pony and the trick is writing season 3 stydia fic huh#look. you fuck around with me and you sure as hell find out#and what you find out is that mentally i am still in season 3 with the specific stydia dynamic created therein#and i have not left and i will never leave#maybe i cant change the past but i sure as hell can live in it forever#so anyway i really gotta go the fuck to sleep cuz it is a whole entire 1am#and i have like. stuff tomorrow i think. like i gotta pack and stuff. which won't take long god willing#but does still need to happen#stuff
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( -inhales- ...........maybe i do want a strong woman to beat the shit outta me with fancy ass power gauntlets. )
#|| Tag: OOC#( i keep staring at those fucking gifs and in my brain she's just :) !! )#( HELP. )#( FUCK. you know what fuck it. i need it. idk why but it feels right. )#( she's def a heavy hitting brawler and i think that's great for her. gets into bar fights. just girl things. )#( however at least she's funny unlike her stick in the mud son.)#( spend 30 years taking over planets. gotta build some type of humor when shit hits the fan )#( and then tHE BIGGEST shit hit the fan. )#( so y'know. gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do and thats hunt across space for bounties bc shit happens. )#( alsdjfldsnlgn )#( ugh... ok but what if i just throw her into a more independent au... )#( .....................christ im gonna mcfuckin' die. i got the aesthetic. i just need to sit down and fucking think on it OTL )#( she is gnawing at the bars. i cannot contain her. )#( alfnldsjjg dont mind me. im just losing my mind bc i love her and she deserves more screen time. )#( and i only have myself to blame tbh but hoping my dumbass can do it. )#( anYWAY THATS MY ' KURO RAMBLES ABOUT SHIT' MINUTE )
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