#anyway funnier post about this coming up soon

[scorndotexe]

i'd love to have discussions on the morality of cannibalism with people who do not entirely agree with me but their arguments are always so terrible. "it's just morally wrong." okay that's not a reason why. "what if you change your mind?" girl do you think the corpse will care

[sebscore]

Hey!

Heres my request for ur fem!driver series:

Y/N wins her first race and everyone is waiting for her national anthem to play but somehow an error in the sound system leads to this song playing:

But instead of being mad abt it, she’s ecstatic just absolutely vibes her lil heart out on the podium and soon she has the other drivers, some commentators and the entire crowd joining in w/ her (cuz she’s THAT GIRL🤩😂)

PLEASE RISE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

pairings: lewis hamilton x driver!reader / charles leclerc x driver!reader

warning: kinda changed how the podium ceremony normally goes, but it's nothing drastic, tbh. they already received their trophy and champagne.

author's note: thank you so much for the request, I started laughing when I read it, cause it reminded me of that one meme. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and lmk what you think of it 🫶

• • • • • • •

Y/N stood proudly on the top step of the podium, full in disbelief that this day had actually come. She had won an Formula 1 race, she had won a Grand Prix. The first woman in history to actually do that.

Charles and Lewis glanced up at her, delighted that they could witness the historical moment from this close. They always had the faith that she could do it one day, that she had the skills to overtake them and cross the checkered flag first.

The time had come for her national anthem to start playing. Her eyes welled up with tears, the patriotic feeling in her rising up and the knowledge she had done her country proud. Y/N had prepared herself and had put tissues in the pockets of her racing suit, knowing she was probably gonna end up sobbing by the time the song had finished.

Only, that moment didn't happen.

There had been a mistake in the sound system and instead of the beautiful harmonies of an orchestra being heard, the opening beats of the hip hop song 'Get Low' by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz were being played.

It had taken Y/N a few seconds to comprehend what was happening, the frown on her face evident that she was confused. Similar expressions of confusion and shock were found on Lewis, Charles and everyone else's faces.

Y/N briefly glanced at the staff on the side of the podium and the audience anticipated what she would do. The young woman could give one of two reactions. The first reaction would be for her to stay serious and be upset about the fact that her national anthem wasn't being played. Or, she could go along with the situation, and start dancing to the song to make it fun for everyone witnessing the moment.

Obviously, she went for the second option.

It started with the bobbing of her head to the loud beats that were coming out of the speakers, wiping away the tears that had escaped earlier with her hands. Then, she began to mouth the lyrics and the sight only became funnier from there on.

The song wasn't even halfway done or the podium ceremony had become a concert with the female driver as the headlining act. At first, Lewis and Charles had covered their faces in embarrassment, not for the young woman, but simply for the entire situation. Yet, once they saw the crowd getting hyped up, they joined her and started jumping up and down.

Upon seeing their still unopened champagne bottles standing lonely on the podium, Y/N started the fire and began shaking it. As soon as her two colleagues noticed what she was doing, they picked up their own respective bottles and started doing the same.

Eventually, the song ended and the podium ceremony was over, to everyone's dismay. The drivers picked up their trophies and made their way down the grid again for the short post-podium interview.

Y/N had been the first one to come downstairs and Coulthard grabbed that oppurtunity to interview the young woman first.

''Y/N, what's going through your head right now?'' He asked, handing a microphone to her.

Her hand went through her hair, thinking of the right words to say. ''Pff, I don't know, David,'' her voice sounded out of breath, ''I'm still processing what just happened.'' She nervously laughed, public speaking not being her favorite thing to do.

''I think we're all still processing what just happened,'' Coulthard laughed along, ''what went wrong there on the podium?''

She shook her head, looking back at said podium behind her. ''Geez, uh, I think there was a mistake or something with the cd and, uh, yeah, my national anthem started playing.''

Coulthard started a new question, wanting to change the subject, but was interrupted. ''You know, David- I'm very proud of my country, Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz, I know I've made my people proud.'' She joked, making the audience laugh as they listened to the interview.

''That's great, Y/N,'' Coulthard awkwardly replied, just wanting to continue to ask his questions, ''So, about the race…''

''Yes, the race.''

''Talk us through it, how did you feel it was going?''

Y/N nodded her head to David's words. ''The race, uh, the race, it went, uh- listen, I've gotta be honest- I don't remember a thing, but I'm gonna assume I did really well, you know, cause I won.'' She rambled on, genuinely having forgotten all about the competition that had happened earlier.

Lewis, who was standing a few feet away from her, loudly cackled at her answer and his laugh was picked up by the microphone.

''Alright, Y/N, thank you so much and congratulations.'' He padded her shoulder, rounding up the interview.

''I'm so sorry, David.''

[hyunin]

hiiii everyone, this blog hit 1k followers the other day 🥹 tysm to anyone that has followed me here over the years! i'm sure at least a third of my followers are dead blogs from my suju (🤮) era in 2013 before i returned to gifmaking tumblr in 2020, but so many of you joined me once i returned and i'm so thankful for everyone that has reblogged my content and chatted with me and followed me up until this point! 🫶 i wanted to write some fun lil messages for my mutuals and pals below the cut, as well as shout out some people i don't necessarily speak to but like having on my dash also 💗 if u aren't mentioned on here and we're mutuals that doesn't mean i dislike u it just means i'm stupid and missed you 😭 before i get into the messages i also want to ask anyone who can to consider commissioning me for a gifset or writing by donating at least €10 to this fundraiser and sending me a screenshot of your donation! more info on that via this post. thank u so much again everyone!!! 🥳 (edit: i don't think half the mentions in this post are working so please check to see if you were mentioned even if you weren't notified!)

@redvelvetcult hi ele 🫶 i know we don't speak as often anymore but i'm always so happy to see u around and i love you <3 thank u for running yangjeongin with me even if it has been in spirit for 99% of its run LKJSDLFKJSJLKFD still wouldn't be the same without u @bataranqs hi kid! this is going to sound so lame but it's been rly fun watching u grow up over the years through awoo9, every time u use our weird ass humor it's so much funnier coming from u. thank u for hyping up everything we all do, especially my writing!! i really appreciate it and u @anyujins iwin...whew....LLKSJDKLFJLSKF i'm rly happy that we're a lot closer now than when we were last time i made one of these posts. i think we are anyway?? i forgor...but either way ilysm, thank u for your support when i've been going insane over the years and it would appear both of the stories of our love lives that we've been following for so long will have a tragic ending. LJKSDFJLKSLK but i hope we can be friends for many more moments of insanity to come and that we have more good news than bad news to share w each other soon. in the meantime it's always rly fun to talk to u and i am glad i have u in my life @miyawaki ver. i appreciate u v much if only bc u are a major provider of quality shitposts on my dash, u also being into kpop and giffing is a bonus. u are also so funny even if u are also MEAN!!!! it's funny most of the time. and u have also supported me a lot in ur own ver way over the years, and i can always count on u to give me feedback on giffing and such. i'm so happy for u that u are going to uni again and i hope u have so much fun but also don't forget about us 🔫 🫶 @seulggi gfx queen minya! u deserve a shoutout if ONLY bc u are carrying the gfx side of kpop tumblr on ur back fr. and i love seeing what u make on my dash. but u are also an awoo9er so i will give u a long AWOOOOOOOOO of appreciation ❣️ @meongppangz RI omg idk what account is best to tag u on so i tag u here. i rmr the last one of these i made i was like 'hope to talk more under better circumstances' and now we talk nearly every day LJSDFLKSDF i love that for us. thank u crazy person gc for bringing us together fr....love that we can bond over loving ggs and also hating collecting pcs and any other random shit of the day skz is doing. and giffing ofc. talking to u always makes me happy so i hope we continue talking and being friends for a long time to come 🫶 ily. also i'm going through my follow list for this in order of oldest blogs first and i just discovered y'all were one of the first skz blogs i followed. how cute @curiosityjams hi drea, we haven't spoken ages but i wanted to shout u out individually as well because i still enjoy seeing u on my dash and i still consider us friends 🫶 fellow eunbi stan...i will never forget waiting for the 2020 election results w you LMAO abt to do it all again soon...but i hope you're well and hope good things continue coming to u 🙇‍♀️ @hyunjinz agnes, backbone of stayblr that u are, i love u!! i know we don't Personally speak much at all i still feel like u are a dear friend of mine. you were one of the first ppl to support my skz content and i think you're that for a lot of people on stayblr and i think that is so sweet of u and also important for the community. u are so brave for going through the tags all the time and reblogging everything i do not have that kind of energy but i'm so glad u do!! i miss ur gifs but i'm happy that you're still around even when you don't gif. we're some of the last remaining pre-kingdom era skz ccs left 😱 so i will always appreciate ur company here <3 @innielove hi vi, i just want to say i love that u are giffing skz again. i've probably missed a lot of ur sets bc i'm bad at checking tags and dash but when i DO see them i'm like omg vi's gifs r really looking better than ever. thank u for returning to us 🫶 u have also actually been on stayblr for a long time so i'm always happy to see some of the oldies (can u believe we are oldies now...) back on the dash 😌

@kazuhas MS KALE it always makes me happy to see u on my dash here. ur gifs are so lovely and so are u!! i know we mainly know each other from off cc tumblr 🫣 but i wanted to give u a shoutout among all of my other tumblr beloveds bc ily. it's what u deserve @seo-changbinnies marie...another fellow stayblr hag at this point...u are still one of the funniest people on this site i swear. and i'm so glad u are still here and making gifs and blessing us w your funny tags. i hope u always stay just as insane, i love u for that <3 @seungs HI MIAAA we don't talk that much anymore but i wanted u to know that i still always love seeing u and your gifs on my dash 🫶 @felixies luna, legend of stayblr that u are 🙇‍♀️ i think ur work largely goes unappreciated by the fandom but u are an icon for keeping createskz running for all these years despite everything going on in ur life. tysm for your service 🫡 @huiracha marie huiracha...this is how i refer to u in my head btw. like 'huiracha' is ur last name. LKJSDFKLSKLD we have barely spoken but i want to give u your own shoutout just for surviving and continuing to gif on stayblr as long as u have. veterans' discount fr @hyunsung hi mona 🫶 we haven't spoken in a while either omg but i am still always excited to see u on my dash when u gif something or reblog something from me i'm like omg that's my friend mona :D SDKJFSJKLDF so thank u and i hope you're doing well 🙏 @hyunpic VILMA HYUNPIC...u know i am so glad we are better pals now. u are so funny and fun to talk to but also the sweetest ever!! thank u for always listening to me and being kind to me and also making me laugh. every time i feel like an rper named their hyunjin character something dumb i am glad i get to report it to u. some things only u will understand and appreciate. LKJSDKLJFSKLJFKLFD @sungtaro eri <3 we don't talk much anymore and maybe we NEVER HAVE??? but i have always felt like u are a dear friend and beloved mutual. i love seeing u on dash even if we don't have too many groups in common anymore. ur content is always lovely and so are u so we will always be pals as far as i am concerned 🫶 @exocean hi mo!! i must admit i don't have much to say but i wanted to mention you individually because you are so sweet and i love seeing u around and u deserve to know it <3 @hyumjim i don't even know what to say (positive) u know i am so glad ur squirmy wormy tag on one of my hyunjin sets brought us together. idr if we have ever properly spoken like via dm but bc u follow me on all my accounts i feel Seen by u....nd u haven't unfollowed me yet so god bless u. i always enjoy seeing ur thoughts and the posts u put on my dash whether they be a funny text post or someone's hot take getting dismantled or something Thought Provoking. my dash is definitely a better place because of u so thank uu 🫶

@wolfchans lau the Actual backbone of stayblr tysm for ur service fr. without u providing files for us i genuinely believe most of stayblr would be lost. not only do u do that but u are also genuinely very kind and make great content so i appreciate u so much!! thank u for making stayblr (and my dash) a better place @hyunebear hi adri i gotta admit i didn't even realize u were back on tumblr until i was going through my following and saw that u posted recently akljsdflkjdsf goes to show how much i'm on my dash...but i wanted to mention you individually even though it's been so long because you have genuinely touched my heart a lot and i will never forget ur compliments 🙏 ok maybe i did forget some of them word for word. but i will never forget how sweet u were to me. how about that. so thank you and i hope to see u around more!! i probably have to be on my dash more for that tho huh... @romanceuntold hi jen 🫶 i miss u on stayblr i'm ngl but i'm also still glad to see u on my dash through all your phases. you are such a warm and kind person and another person who i will never forget being so sweet to me. thank you and i hope you're doing well ❣️ @wearehappiness sidrah <3 the fact that we were both on stayblr but met properly on pc ig first is still so silly to me. me intending to wait on ur mail to get to me then being like 'stayblr perk i'll send ur mail rn' after i found out u were here LKJSDLKFLJKSF but you are suuuuch a sweet person who makes lovely gifs too. i miss ur gifs also!! and just you in general. wishing u the best in life always 💗 @mybodyfails hi oli 🫶 another person who has been soooo sweet to me, i'm so glad i got to help w leeknoween and i still have all the freebies u sent me from it preserved safely in my freebie photocard binder 😌 you are always lovely to talk to whenever we do, and thank u for reading my fic too despite zombies not being ur thing i appreciate u!! @strayklds / @facethesuns em i just think it's so funny that we like didn't speak before i invited u to the gif streaming server and i just did that on a whim bc u passed the vibe check and now i feel like we are good friends. despite still rarely speaking KSLDFLSDLKF but i love that for us and love ur gifs and seeing u around always 💞 @neohyune hi fae <3 i know us speaking is like a very recent development but i also wanted to mention u individually to thank u for your help 🙏 i need to write more of my fic tbh...but i Will be checking our conversation again for Notes. you also seem like a very sweet person so i would love to talk to u more in the future also 💕 @linoyes another very recent friendship (yes i am calling it that already) in my life, but thank u for your generosity, let's meet that fundraising goal together 💪 i hope we're also able to talk more outside of this context too. i just have a feeling i will have a lot more to say about u once i make another one of these!!

i'm ngl i don't know how many of you actually follow me here and i don't have time to check everyone's username individually so i'm just going to list a bunch of blogs i follow who may or may not follow me JKLSDFLKSDF but y'all make my dash a better place, thank u for all u do! 🫶 feel free to talk to me anytime too

@dazzlingkai @theseulgis @joytual @anyujin @cchuu @cherry-heartss @boynextdoors @hyunchans @ambivartence @minzbins @everglowz @chogiwow @ttathinker @minhosblr @minho-knows @yang-innie @leegahyun @bu99erfly

[everybodyshusband]

nothing to help the writer's block than writing a shitty, shitty, no stakes crack fic :)) inspired by @run-of-the-milf's post about the ghouls doing a "most searched questions" video

rated T or M (i'm not sure which but there are sex jokes so...?), 1k words, no warnings apart from the fact that this is so so stupid sdjhf

~

As soon as the red light begins blinking at him softly, Swiss steps out from behind the camera, grinning widely. He gives Cumulus a thumbs up and the ghoulette begins to speak.

“Hi, I’m Cumulus and these are the ghouls from the band Ghost, and we’re here for the Wired Autocomplete Interview!”

“Wait,” Rain interjected. “Are we allowed to call it that if it’s not the official Wired one?” They had in fact conducted an actual interview with papa earlier that day, but it had been a stilted, official one, with all of them standing silently behind Copia as he did all the talking and referred to them by their official Nameless Ghoul titles. They were all excited to do this one together and be as silly as they wanted to, not having to worry about appearances whatsoever.

“Eh, who cares, it’s not as if this one is being posted anywhere,” Swiss argued. “We could fuck on camera and the only place it would go outside of our pack would be Copia’s office computer.”

Aurora’s head snapped up. “We’re gonna fuck on camera?”

“If we’re gonna fuck on camera, then why do we have all these chairs set up?” Dew teased, trying to let the multi ghoulette come to the correct conclusion on her own.

“I dunno…” She looked at him with wide eyes. “Should I have prepped myself or something?”

Mountain scuffed Dew over the back of the head. “Stop teasing her,” he reprimanded, but his eyes were sparkling with mirth as he turned to explain what was actually going on to her and a very concerned looking Aeon.

“I wasn’t!” Dew tried to counter, which only rewarded him another bonk on the head, this time from Cirrus.

“How about you shut up and we start the interview?”

“Great idea, Cir,” Swiss grinned. “Here, dirt boy, catch!” He threw a poster board at Mountain, who fumbled to catch it before it hit the ground.

Mountain shook his head in amusement. “A little warning next time, Swiss?”

“Nah,” the multi ghoul shrugged. “It’s funnier to watch you struggle.”

“Who’s this one for anyway?” Mountain asked.

“Me, I think,” Dew said, reading his name in the search bar. “Go on, ask me my questions, Mounty.”

The earth ghoul sighed. “Fiiiiine. This first one is just your name so…” He peels off the first bit of paper. “Dewdrop ghoul… Hah! Dewdrop ghoul height.”

Swiss cackled from behind the two of them, earning a heavy thwack on the thigh. “How tall exactly are you, Dewy?”

Cumulus tried and failed to suppress a laugh. “What is it the fans say? Two sauce packets tall?”

“You’re all so mean to me!” Dew cried out, but he was suppressing his own tears of laughter.

“It’s okay, Dew,” Rain said soothingly, patting him on the back and making the fire ghoul purr happily under the attention. “I know you’re actually three sauces tall.” The satisfied smirk on Rain’s face paired with Dew’s reaction was well worth the lecture (read: gentle chastising) they all knew they’d be getting from Copia about the noise.

“Oh, fuck you!” Dew screeched. “I fuckin’ hate this game…”

“You don’t wanna use this chance to tell us your real height?” Aeon asked, curiously.

“I’m a demon from Hell,” Dew mumbled, still pissed off. “I don’t have to tell you shit.”

“It’s because he knows he’s short,” Swiss stage-whispered into Aeon’s ear, making sure the entire pack could hear.

“How about we move onto the next one before Dew burns the Abbey down?” Mountain teased. “Dewdrop ghoul… Hands. Why are people so obsessed with your hands, Dew?”

“Because they’re fucking hot,” Aeon, Cirrus and Rain murmured in perfect unison.

“...Before anyone gets too horny,” Dew said. “Let’s move on. What’s next?”

“Swiss and Sodo dick grab,” Mountain read off the card. “And the next one down is also: Dewdrop and Swiss Watcher in the Sky.”

“What can I say,” Swiss smirked. “The people love me grabbing the little guy.” He punctuated his statement by reaching a hand forward and rubbing his hand over Dew’s chest possessively, winking at the camera. On Dew’s other side, Aeon blushed.

“What did I just say about getting too horny, Swiss?” Dew shook his head, laughing. “Let go of me, heathen. We’ve still got questions to answer.” He brushed Swiss’ hand off of him. “Any more for me, Mount?”

“Don’t think so,” the earth ghoul replied. “Next board please?” Rain chucked him the next one and Mountain immediately laughed out loud as he peeled the first bit of paper off. “Cardinal Copia gay,” he read out, causing the entire pack to also burst out laughing.

“Well, he definitely wasn’t gay last night,” Cumulus smirked.

“Oh really?” Rain asked. “He was for me last week…”

They both dissolved into laughter and turned their heads towards each other, no doubt exchanging notes about their Papa’s preferences in the bedroom.

“Moving on…” Mountain said. “The next one is… Rain and Dewdrop choking.”

“Oh God,” Rain said, closing his eyes and tipping his head back.

“Good one, Dew,” Aurora teased. “You’ve got him so worked up about even the idea of your choking stunt onstage that he’s forgotten he works for a Satanic Ministry.” She turned to Rain and flicked his head back up. “God’s not here, Rainy.”

“...Aaaaand on that note,” Cumulus said, clapping her hands together and grinning, struggling to contain her laughter. “We’ll stop there!”

Aeon wasn’t not so lucky in the containing laughter department, having thrown his head back and cackled enough to have fallen off his chair with an oof.

“Okay, uhhh,” Cumulus started again. “Thank you for watching our interview–”

“Even though the only people who are going to watch it will be us,” Aurora interrupted.

“–And hopefully one day we’ll be back to answer more questions,” the air ghoulette finished. “Goodbye!”

Dew lunged at Swiss for making another short joke, teeth bared. The camera fell over as he collided with the multi ghoul and the screen went black.

[jackwolfes]

what projects are you working on?

ok so ive been working on a lot of little things lately, and they're like? kind of all not going anywhere? which is just how it is sometimes and i think it says more about like, my busy fucking summer & possible burn out than the state of my writing

anyway the obvious big one is sugar baby au which i've now started posting!!! so now i'm like, locked in and actually have to finish it instead of agonising about it being perfect

i've also been working more on sex shop au (currently on its third iteration because life's a nightmare) to try and like, iron out the creases and fix the bits that were making me stumble

ALSO, because it's coming up to nano im starting to think about my original projects, meaning i'm envisioning taking a lil pause on all my fic shit to go back to my 19th century lesbians for a month <3

if you'd like a fuller analysis of all my lil projects (& wanna ask about any of em), have at it:

things that i am actively working on with a view to post soon:

sugar baby au

amnesia au (ok im lying when i say 'actively working on' but i haven't forgotten about it!)

becko birthday present (birthday gift for beloved fiance!!! this shit's time bound so you Will be seeing it in september unless smth goes very wrong)

things i am actively working on but realistically won't be posting for a few months at least, assuming i finish them & don't get distracted:

sex shop au

5 times Wylan snuck out of someone’s bed (+ 1 time he stayed the night)

vampire sex but make it voyeurism (halloween here we come babeyy)

things that in theory i would like to be working on & posting soon but my brain's a nightmare:

ghezen's most special lil guy (ghezenite wylan)

jesper go nyoom (street racer au)

knights & princes (super gratuitous rich boy/bodyguard au because i am fuuuuucking self indulgent)

oh shit! this diner is haunted! (refuse to add further context bc i think it's funnier without)

heartrender hypnotherapist (grisha wylan AU & also sort of hypnokink bc an anon asked for it once)

pregnancy scare au, i guess (mostly finished actually, may or may not be anonymously posted bc it may or may not be a/b/o)

gomens au, sort of (this genuinely has some of my best writing and it's difficult to pick it back up until i am actually confident i will write well again, yknow?)

things that i really would like to finish at some point in my life but realistically won't be posting any time soon:

by the sea (really fun summery au that i am committed to keeping on my to do list but havent touched in like, a year)

enby wylan

wesper anniversary party (sequel to this)

ghost (wylan abuse study)

honeypot / club (uhhh tacky bullshit, but there's mirror sex?)

kylan fwb (is what it is)

lookout (super flowery porn)

intergalactic orgy times (space porn!)

whoops i'm predictable (they fuck in a carriage)

sexy lil TA (the one and only college AU i will ever write)

relapse fight (wesper fight and are angsty about it)

voice kink (audiobook narrator jesper anyone?)

wylan gets walked in on (is what it is)

zookeeper au (one day!! i will finish this!!!)

bonus, red white and royal blue fics that i sort of forget about until i'm compelled by the Urges and rapidly work on them in a burst of adrenaline and then forget about again:

hunger games au

cowboy au

[trulytiredhermit]

Hi I'm new here . How about reader who can shift shape like change forms to whatever they see that will make things easier to escape the chain as they can shiftshape into a bird or to scare them away and the funnier option a cuckoo all tho this will be quite hard as the chain has been watching them for a long time so it will be best to change forms at night and run and to add gasoline to this raging fire how about we make shadow link a yandere too as we got zeldas and Malone here to as yandere anyway this is gonna suck for reader

Hi!!!! ☺️

So I answered your earlier ask that was similar to this so I’ll just bounce off of it here. You can find that post here

Oh god if we’re adding Dink, the Zelda’s, and Malon into this Reader might as well not have their powers in the first place.

They aren’t gonna be getting away any time soon. And if they do, Dink will just pop out if a portal and steal them away.

So really, do you want to suffer with the Chain, Malon, and the Zeldas being yandere over you? Or are you gonna take your chances with Dink.

Decisions, decisions.

But don’t worry, if you get captured by Dink the Chain will swoop in in no time to save their dear darling.

Of course all this does annoy Reader and that’s when the mean pranks and pettiness come out.

Reader transforms into a Cuckoo daily to scare the shit out of the Chain.

Oh y’all wanted to be clingy again? Well, cling to me now. SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!

This doesn’t deter Malon of course, she’s determined to cuddle Reader in ANY form.

Oh you guys wanted to spend time together? Sucks to suck my dudes but Reader’s transforming into a Picori. Good luck finding them now.

Course Four doesn’t take too long in finding you, but that’s not what matters. What matters is that the rest of the Chain can’t find and bother you.

Now given that the Zeldas are Princess and pretty high ranking, they’re definitely sending guards and soldiers after Reader if they ever try to run away.

They’ve got Reader’s favorite main forms marked down and posters are going up everywhere.

Reader really just has to give up honestly. Just come to the realization that if you want a break from the Chain, the Zeldas, and Malon then go get kidnapped by Dink real quick.

At the very least he’ll listen to you rant about the others, adding his own comments to your rant.

And when he starts to become too much you can go back to the Chain.

[nani-nonny]

Tbh, never thought a new chapter would be dropped and you dropped it without any hints that there may be a new chapter soon xD tho it was a great surprise.

So we start off as Leonardo begin hungry and believe me, this so canon! After begin sick and in bef for days? You gotta go hungry at one point! And it made me giggle at how Mikey and them were doing the funny stare off contest xD

The moment Mikey left to get his family i knew his sandwich is as good as gone to F!Leo's stomach 😂 if i were him i would have enough shame to apologize or ask for somebody to make for me something 😭

And baby Lou under him begging for that lettuce was just heart melting 🥺🥺 i saw it and immediately went "JUST GIVE HER THE LETTUCE DAMN IT!!" Ahahaha!✨🤍

Finally after finishing the sandwich Mikey return to see what only left which it's bread crumbs and i can imagine Mikey doing this meme

And finally after so much prolonging things AFTER 9 chapters!!! F!Leo is gonna speak of everything and explain! (Btw, April entering the medbey with bag as her shield and pen as her weapon was silly if i were her i would have 3 pens and look like Wolforin😂)

And i wasn't wrong thinking after the explanation little Leo would be guilty (as he should/aff/p), after all he was the one who lost the key and almost get everyone in the same fate the elder had to go through. So it wasn't a surprise to see them all cry and hug each other for comfort (and for Donnie to slip out of the hug shirty because this isn't for his emotional bad boy image).

And here comes the moment "You ARE the father!!" I never thought you would use the "Maury show" as a reference 😂😂🤩 i personally love it and i also watched multiple videos of the show before.

And this... THUS shocked me

Leo was having the... You know *ahem* love making...

Also whoever said the 'Never speak to me again' is a pure asshole! Am glad they died in the war!! >:((

Then there's the big think about draxum (lol loved how he's trying to take care of him beauty) But seeing baby Lou knowing him is making me imagine F!Draxum begin so happy to have baby lou.

I don't know if i said this before (maybe i did in the very first ask that created baby tot and peepaws) but i feel draxum created baby lou because he couldn't be in the kids's lifes or be part of fatherhood because he started bonding for like what? a year? And then BAM! Apocalypse! Surely he wanted to take care of the baby tho i feel this wasn't the real reason... Maybe creating a real warrior to help winning the war (a side plan from F!Draxum he went with).

In my defense! The “teaser” came out as snippets and vague posts about how the writing process was going hehe (I think the most recent “teaser” was a vague post about F!Leo spiraling lol) but I believe the best teaser was a vague post prior to posting the chapter about the word count going from 3.4k to 4.1k! (I don’t think you saw those hehe)

Anyways! Chapter review from sniper, yippee!!!

Poor Mikey lol all he wanted was a sandwich but instead he was shocked to see Leonardo’s awake and standing at the doorway with the baby and CJ just as surprised to see him

Baby Lou is hungry, growing little girlie! She wants what her papa is eating, especially because it must be good if he’s scarfing it down hahaha!

rip Mikey’s sandwich, it didn’t last a second with Leonardo lol

April ready to fight when the portal pops up makes me laugh, she knows hahaha! You can count on her to back you up

Poor Lil Leo, forced to realize he may be just as much as a jerk as his future self is, and maybe there wasn’t that big of a change. And maybe… just maybe… he wasn’t exactly right about Leonardo being a total assface. Lol

I thought about different ways Donnie would break it to Leonardo that the baby is indeed his, but this route was much funnier. And faster lol. And I think it’s very on brand for Donnie hahah! Maybe I’ll post a snippet of how it would have gone in a different route… i don’t know.

And I love the memes that come from the Maury show! Although, I’ve never watched an episode except for small clips. The cameramen run really fast haha!

I don’t usually include my peepaws’ love lives so blatantly like (a)paf, mainly because I don’t really see them all that sexually active. Sometimes I like to think that, despite being absolute heartthrobs and “most wanted bachelors”, them being virgins makes it all the more funny. (That and I don’t have interest in writing sexual themes with the turtles… Bruce on the other hand /hj)

But in (a)paf’s case, I didn’t want anyone thinking he truly is a deadbeat dad who got knocked up and tosses a kid aside or, vice versa where he knocks someone else up and tosses a kid aside. He simply wasn’t aware of what Draxum was doing behind closed doors.

But aside from that, I think it’s nice that he got some experience in sex. He’s a big man, he can take part in carnal pleasures.

And about the person who said not to meet again… that was Leonardo. Lol. One night stand wasn’t as good as it could have been haha! On a side note, a lot of his one night stands were understandable agreements that no relation of any sort other than business was to be expected.

Anyways, again, Draxum deserves to feel pretty :) he got a face mask from April’s mom! He definitely wasn’t expecting any Hamato-related shenanigans, he just wanted a peaceful night to himself hahaha!

And Baby Lou so delighted to see Draxum? :(((( she’s such a cutie patootie :((((

And I like your theory! Totally understandable to think that! Now the real question is whether you’re right or not mwahahahaha! I wonder….

[the-lion-guard-88]

Today is the One Month anniversary of SMG4 The Musical being in production

As of now I am currently about halfway done with Act IV and will soon be heading onto Act V, I am currently working on Act IV as you’re reading this when it gets posted

To celebrate the one month anniversary I wanted to share a little sneak peek with you guys

In “We Interrupt This Broadcast”, Bob says “Why don’t we go to Detroit?” And SMG3 replies “Sorry Bob, I don’t wanna die”

In SMG4 The Musical when this scene comes up, the location Bob mentions will depend on the location where the show would take place For example if SMG4 The Musical became an actual Musical and the show was being held in Delaware, the script would go as follows

Bob: Why don’t we go to Delaware?

SMG3: Sorry Bob, I don’t wanna die

I thought it would make the scene much funnier and to add a little fourth wall break

Anyways that’s it, when Act IV is done I will have an announcement to make for those who are in my Discord Server, stay tuned!

-The Lion Guard 88 💚🖤❤️

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

More Peacock and Gamble radio updates. Another post where I don't think anyone should read it, I don't think anyone will read it, and that combined with the fact that I'm tired means I can't be bothered to edit (not that I usually do proper editing of this blog, but I'm usually slightly careful and give it a quick glance over, haven't done that here), it's probably unreadable. I really am almost done with them now.

I have two episodes left of the Peacock & Gamble FUBAR Radio show, and Jesus Fucking Christ, did that ever escalate. Or the opposite of escalate. Devolve. It definitely did something. I checked today, the combined length of all the video and audio files in my Peacock & Gamble (plus some solo Peacock stand-up) folder. 196 hours in total. 196 hours worth of files, all nicely labeled and organized into sub-folders – honestly, the admin on this one took ages. 196 hours and I’ve watched or listened to all of it except six, the last two 3-hour radio episodes. I have to get them done.

I’ve been saying that for several days now. Things started really escalating/devolving around episode 14, and since then I’ve said I don’t care what else comes up, I’m not doing anything besides listen to this (except, you know, the things I have to do for a living, and annoyingly my work chose this week to decide I’m going to be 8-6 for three days in a row) until I get to the end and can be free of this madness. Several days ago I got to download ten new stand-up shows by different people, all of which I’m very excited to hear especially with my trip to Edinburgh coming up so soon, but I haven’t listened to any of them yet because there’s a radio show collapsing and I have to know how it ends. Which is a weird motivation to have, since I do know how it ends. Badly, for everyone. They leave the radio station and never speak to each other again (that's a slight exaggeration, and also Ray did go back to the radio station later, I think once a number of things were more stable). I don’t know what kind of ending I’m hoping I’ll get to. But at the moment it’s like reading a book that’s in the middle of its most chaotic and climactic part, I can’t just put it down.

I also stopped writing update posts after every episode as I’d been doing for a while, because 1) I didn’t want to stop listening long enough to do anything else, including write about it, and 2) did I mention that my hours are too long and I need a new job? Things aren’t going well on that front, by the way. It’s fine, I’ve got some audio from 2014 to distract me. Anyway here’s an update on the last few episodes.

They’ve found a new enemy. I've said before that they always do well when they have an enemy. Raji James. Listeners who will be cool about getting abused. Guests whom they either genuinely or pretend to dislike. Horrible controversial talk show hosts on their own network. Grocery store chains. Picking on each other was funnier back when they had less genuine tension between them, and in the 2014 run, they’ve been mainly getting by on finding outlets besides each other where they can direct their combativeness. But they have now, finally, found the final boss of Peacock & Gamble enemies: FUBAR Radio and all its management and production staff.

I think episode 14 was the first one where Ray Peacock was actively trying to get fired. There were a lot of episodes before that when he certainly didn’t seem to mind whether he got fired or not. But also, there wasn’t a lot of danger of that, because this station was clearly going hard on marketing itself as uncensored and controversial, so the more Ray Peacock flouted rules of radio, the more he played into what they wanted, letting them brag about being shocking and dangerous. Which was all right until they started using that angle to promote genuinely dangerous stuff like racist and misogynist talk show hosts, even happening to specifically choose one who had a negative personal history with Ray Peacock, which, shockingly, did not seem to be something he took in stride, when it got thrown at him in the middle of a severe mental health breakdown. Again, it is like someone wrote this as a movie. If I ever found out this whole thing was scripted, I would be incredibly impressed with everyone involved, and believe they all deserved awards. As it is, I’m still very impressed, but for very different reasons, and definitely none of them deserve awards for it.

I know Ray Peacock has said since that he and Ed had decided a while beforehand that they just wouldn’t go back after Edinburgh, that they’d been thinking of leaving for a while, so by June and July of that year, they had to have both stopped factoring in a future at that radio station into their career-based plans. Ray Peacock also mentioned in that episode that he was previewing his Here Comes Trouble show, and it would be a perfect ending if he could close on a story about how he managed to find a way to get fired from uncensored radio. I’ve heard that show – a couple of versions, in fact – and yeah, as absolutely brilliant a show as it ended up being, it would have been even better with an ending like that. Perfectly on theme. Would have wrapped it all up nice. Would have required rejigging the emotional tone a bit, but I’m sure he could have managed.

So I’m pretty sure he was actively looking for loopholes in the term “uncensored”, things you’re not allowed to do even there. Started going out for cigarettes during the show, which he’d done a bit before but had at least tried to be subtle about it. After the escalation, he took a phone call from the listener, immediately said he needs to go for a smoke and then hung up on the guy, and walked out of the room, leaving Ed Gamble there alone, who couldn’t even put a song on because he didn’t know how to work the desk, and who clearly hadn’t been warned that this would happen. You’re definitely not supposed to do that. I’m not a radio expert but I don’t think you’re supposed to do that.

He started slagging off the producers, which had also been there from the beginning but there was a sharp shift when it went from fun banter to much harsher (I don't think he genuinely hated the actual people who were producing the show, they were proxies for other people who mismanaged things, but he did a very convincing impression of someone who hated the actual people in the room). Went from picking fights with the talk show host personally, to (still doing that but also) talking shit about the management as a whole, of the station that would choose to hire that guy. Oh, and at the same time they hired Katie Price on a different show, so he went off about that too.

I do get the impression that this happened across a backdrop of a radio station genuinely in shambles, that he wasn’t making all of that up. Richard Herring and a couple of other respectable comedian presenters had left, they were replaced with people who’d been hired only for shock value. They’ve said since (and made a couple of references to it at the time as well) that they weren’t getting paid on time or at all, either. And it also sounds like there was a bunch of genuine incompetence in how things were run, like guests not being booked properly, though I assume it was actually the fault of higher up people, and Ray was yelling at production staff for effect. I get the impression that the whole thing may have been an early version of that thing that came into fashion around the mid-2010s, of people saying “We don’t need to follow the rules and prioritize people who know what they’re doing, let’s be controversial mavericks!” and then it turns out that there’s actually a reason why other radio stations secure stable funding and ensure basic things like guest booking go smoothly. Obviously this is just my guess based on knowing very little. But there only a few different stories that just play out over and over, and that’s one of them.

In the fourth and final season of The Ray Peacock Podcast, Ray said things had fallen apart at the end because “it happened for real”. In early days of the podcast they made jokes about how Raji James had fucked everything up and his life had fallen apart. By the end of the podcast, he’d been evicted from his house for real, and those jokes felt a lot more immediate. It does feel slightly like a larger-scale version of that happened across the whole 196 hours of Peacock & Gamble that I’ve dug up. In the early Ray Peacock Podcast days, Ray was playing a guy who was always a dangerous wildcard in a social situation, will test the limits of how far fucking with people is allowed to go. But it was all carefully constructed, they’d run it by Raji beforehand, when they sounded at their most out of control was when they were actually hitting cues to make sound effects.

Some years later, Ray Peacock is pulling out some of his old favourite things, but this time messing with listeners who had obviously not been briefed the way Raji James was. There were two or three points where he was making listeners do stuff that was at least as bad as most of the Raji stuff, but without any warning, unless the listeners were very good actors (like I said, if it ever turns out this was all scripted, give them all awards). I mean, obviously the listeners would have called in knowing something like that might happen. But probably not the extent of it, as he seemed to pick his moments at random. Also, there is definitely a sense that Ray Peacock had gone from playing a guy who was a dangerous social wild card to actually being that guy.

There were a couple of points where I found myself wondering, to quote Ed Gamble’s catchphrase of the day… “Is that all right?” Like, for real. Assuming this wasn’t all a brilliantly scripted satire on something or other, Ray Peacock clearly just should not have been on the radio while in that mental state. I’m thinking of the Pierre Novellie material about whether it’s unethical to laugh at a comedian when the reason they’re funny is that they’re just speaking the thoughts of a person with a mental health condition (“It is not illegal to hire a man with severe OCD as a cleaner”). And to be clear, through all of this, Ray Peacock remained incredibly funny. But there were definitely times – a few specific times – when I laughed, and then felt like I maybe shouldn’t be laughing at this. Not even at his really dark jokes about his own suicidal tendencies or things like that – I’m fine with dark jokes, when they’re made by the person affected (instead of at the expensive of that person). I’m thinking of times when he did stuff on air that was funny but also a genuinely bad idea, and was clearly happening because his mental health had deteriorated to the point where impulse control had eroded to nothing – and that isn’t me armchair diagnosing a stranger, it’s the thing he explained in his stand-up show had happened – and laughing at that didn’t feel entirely okay. Even if it was funny. Which it was, every time.

In all of this, there was maybe one instance when he crossed the line, in my mind, into genuinely unlikeable. It was a quite small instance that lasted about two minutes, and that’s pretty good, I think, that I still found him likeable for all but two minutes of those many hours, despite being in the middle of that bad a breakdown. Though I have frequently found other comedians very likeable, when I’ve been told that others find them unlikeable for being too bitter or competitive or combative or whatever else, so other people’s standards may vary. Hell, there are people who thought Ed Gamble was too harshly combative in the Taskmaster era, not realizing that that’s Ed Gamble with the edges sanded off. You should have seen him a few years earlier, he did a lot worse than yell at David Baddiel a bit.

Which brings me to the next topic of this post. I can hardly believe that I spent my posts about the first few episodes of this radio show complaining that Ed Gamble was being too professional, playing the straight man role too much. When Ray Peacock went totally off the rails in later episodes, far from stopping him, Ed Gamble went hard the other way. In fact, there were a couple of times when Ray was off about something and I found myself thinking… “Okay, Ed, this might actually be the time to get in there. I know I wanted you to let him go before, but that’s when he was singing over Muppet songs, not asking listeners to call in with stories about their suicide attempts. Maybe it’s time to play straight man?” But that’s not fair, is it? For me to complain about Ed when he reins Ray in and then to complain when he doesn’t. So I’ll be fair to Ed Gamble and say that, to his credit, from about episode 12 onwards, he was relentlessly on board with anything Ray came up with. I got the impression at some point that Ray had started trying to do things that would make Ed stop him, and Ed didn’t blink. Ray makes an horrifying joke about his intention to commit suicide? Ed says cool, let’s plan your fucking funeral. How dark do you want to go? Ray hangs up on a guest and leaves Ed alone in the studio with no warning? Ed says fine, he’ll call the guest back and abuse him for a bit and then create some chaos with two phone lines at once. He’d spent enough years learning how to do it.

Okay, there was one time when Ray Peacock got angry at the producers because the guest didn’t turn up, so he retaliated by making them come into the studio and have an in-depth discussion about pedophilia, and Ed Gamble hung back a bit and sort of tried to subtly get them off the subject. But even then, he wasn’t forceful about it. He pretty much just let it happen.

And in fact, there were times when Ed seemed to be trying to one-up Ray in this game of who can push things the farthest, which was a futile effort but shows a change in him that he even gave it a shot. There was only one occasion when he succeeded, after all those times of it being the other way around. I guess I won’t get too detailed about what they were doing, but it ended in Ray slowing down and then Ed suddenly took it a step farther, causing Ray to crack up a bit, briefly come out of character, and tell him, “Mate, stop it. You’re on telly. You can lose things, I can’t.” Which was 1) weirdly adorable in a way I can’t explain, and 2) a pretty good summary of the entire situation.

Ed's also started going a lot harder on the sort of "old school, Lee Mack-style quick comebacks or wordplay" thing. It's a skill I didn't really know he had, at least to that extent. I've heard him do it a little bit in more recent stuff, but not nearly as much as that. He was pretty good at it, as Ray started acknowledging on air in the episode just after the one that caused me to point it out in a previous post, and I was pleased to have the confirmation that I was right to think this was a sudden change in Ed, one worth remarking. Ray made some joke about how Ed got one TV show and then immediately started talking like a guy who had a team of Mock the Week quip writers working for him, which I'd guess might be pretty much what happened (not that he actually had writers, obviously, but that the sudden interest in honing the quip-making skill may have come from moving up to be a panel show candidate soon). As the episodes went on, Ed occasionally went overboard with it to the point of being a bit annoying, but it was funny most of the time, I thought.

He's rebelling hard against both the "sidekick" and "straight man" roles. Trying to be the joke maker, bringing the attention back to himself more, when in some previous iterations of their work (ie. the Edinburgh interviews from 2012 and 2013), Ed often faded into the background while Ray took on the guests. And Ed was also trying to be the guy who can go off the rails just as hard as Ray Peacock, which is, as I said, futile. But he gave it a hell of a try.

They had a couple of interesting discussions, during their radio run, about how Ed Gamble is good at doing tour support because he can just keep a night moving along at a decent pace and not pull too much focus, while Ray couldn't do that job because he'll always change a room. I guess a skill like that might be the sort of thing that could win a guy an award for being the best compere. Ray pointed out that he can't be bad at that skill because he also does a lot of compering work, and TV warm-up. But I'm pretty sure they do it very differently. Ed seems very good at moving a show along professionally, and he's also good, at separate times, at being very silly and getting on board with the terrible yet funny ideas. On the other hand, Ray is very good at steering a show while simultaneously appearing to be incredibly unprofessional and out of control. He doesn't appear to know what he's doing, but the show does get steered where it's supposed to go, so clearly Ray is doing something right underneath it all. Except the times when that doesn't happen because he's too far into a genuine breakdown to be in control of anything, secretly or otherwise. And at those times, either Ed steps up and tries to run the show but that throws off the balance because he does it too straight, or he doesn't do that and the show just goes off the rails. I prefer the latter.

Anyway, the point is that I think Ed Gamble did eventually accept being the guy who doesn't change the room when he's in it. I think he must have. Because I know Off Menu is a wildly popular podcast with a lot of deeply obsessed fans, and I know a lot of those fans have dug into everything James Acaster has ever done. But even those fans cannot be doing the same thing with Ed Gamble, because if the younger Off Menu fans had dug up Ed Gamble's back catalogue, they'd have cancelled him by now. Since all this is out there, easy to find. Of those 196 hours in my Peacock & Gamble folder, a few of them are old live shows and podcast extras/behind the scenes stuff, that I got access to on Patreon. But the actual podcast episodes are all right there on Fourble for free, and easy to download. The radio episodes are all archived on the FUBAR site.

There are some things I write about on this blog that I've accessed via varying levels of secret things - sketchy free streaming or download sites that can be found by anyone who knows where to look but shouldn't be talked about too much to avoid getting them in trouble, private discord servers, and personal connections where I get sent files directly (putting it that way makes me sound way more connected than I am - I have exactly one connection of that sort, but it's a really good one, I got incredibly lucky). But I cannot emphasize enough how much I needed to use none of that to find Ed Gamble's back catalogue. It's all there in public. A bit of it is locked in a Patreon account that people can access fully for $2 if they want to (I paid a bit more than that and will keep my subscription for a while, I'm enjoying the content and figure I owe him for all the free entertainment, but someone could access it all for almost no money), but most of it's free. Free and easy to find. Oh, I grabbed a few little extra things off YouTube, too. Also free. Some of the oldest podcast episodes are also on YouTube, in addition to Fourble. And despite that, no one is digging them up these days.

That veered off topic for a bit, but the point is that it was interesting to hear Ed Gamble talk about how he knows he's rarely the most interesting comedian in a room, that's what makes him good at compering and tour support and straight man roles. However, for a while on this 2014 radio show, he seemed to be trying hard to change that, to stand out more (it's tough to be the most interesting comedian in the room when you're next to Ray Peacock - not an easy feat with James Acaster either, actually). I think Ed's given up, since then, on changing that. He's still not the guy who makes fans interested enough in him to dig up everything he's ever done, even though he's doing very popular stuff with a lot of fans right now. But it might be in his interests to keep it that way. That risk might be the sort of thing that could make a guy write a book that covers the history of his life and doesn't mention a massive part of seven years of it.

Back on topic, here's another thing I noticed in the later FUBAR Radio episodes - the guests are a good barometer for how much funnier the show got as it went along. In the first few episodes, I found myself looking forward to when the guest would show up, because the Peacock & Gamble interactions felt a bit stilted, and the guest breathed some life into it. Past episode 10 or so, I tended to forget a guest was coming until they actually turned up, and when they did, it annoyed me a bit, because I'm finding Peacock & Gamble so funny that I just want to hear more of them, without anyone else to dilute their dynamic. With the exception of when Sara Pascoe and John Robins turned up in episode 15, which was a really nice interview that was a welcome break from the entire show collapsing around them. This was actually the second time I heard that interview, as I first heard it earlier in 2024 when I was doing my intensive dive into everything John Robins has ever done (like I said, I've dedicated all of 2024 so far to comedians who've been fired as warm-up acts for Deal or No Deal). I think I said at the time that the interview felt chaotic and unprofessional (in a good way) - obviously because I listened to it while listening to the Elis and John XFM/Radio X catalogue, so I compared it to that. Turns out that when I hear it in the context of other Peacock & Gamble stuff, it sounds like a downright pleasant chat.

I like that Ray Peacock appears to appreciate narrative parallels. He'd spent most of the years since the end of The Ray Peacock Podcast using references to that extremely sparingly (in his podcast and radio stuff, obviously, I don't know what he was doing live, though I know the Peacock & Gamble Edinburgh/tour shows stayed away from it almost entirely). Then, late in the radio run, at what they had to know was the end of the Peacock & Gamble saga, Ray started mentioning Raji James a bunch. They even tried to call him live on air in episode 17, but he didn't answer. There was some material about Raji James in Ray's Edinburgh show that year, so I guess that was on his mind while he was previewing it. But it meant the Peacock & Gamble saga came full circle on a few things, besides just the obvious "this started with Ray Peacock playing a wildly out-of-control combative character, and then he had a breakdown and became that for real".

Starting in episode 15, I think, Ray pulled out the extreme childish voice that he used to use on the Peacock & Gamble podcast, that I hadn't heard in anything from the several years since then. It came out at a point in the episode when he and Ed had both really run out of steam, there was no energy in the room, and Ray suddenly decided to just start yelling like a five-year-old. Ed quickly got on board and followed suit, and I started laughing too hard on the bus again, because fucking hell I forgot how funny that was (weird that I'd forgotten a bit because it hadn't been long for me, since I've speedrun Peacock & Gamble, but still, it feels like 100 years ago that they were doing that). He brought it back out a couple of times in the next couple of episodes. He even threw in a quick "petrol" in one bit, and the words "or drink!" into a separate bit, both major catchphrases from their old podcast. Quick, blink-and-you'll-miss-it references.

There was also a parallel that I assume was unintentional, in that in one of the very first Peacock & Gamble episodes, one of the first really big laughs that podcast got from me was Ray suddenly asking Ed, "Should we just fuck this off?", and explaining how they could get McDonald's instead of recording a podcast and that would be more fun. I immediately thought of that at the point, late in the FUBAR Radio run five years later, when Ray Peacock announced that he'd had enough of all this bullshit and was ready to walk out live on air and never come back. He asked Ed if Ed would go with him if he did that, and Ed actually hesitated for a fraction of a second - after several weeks of admirably managing to get on board without hesitation no matter what Ray threw at him - before saying that yep, he'd walk out right then if Ray did. Ray then started yelling at the producers in the room, asking if anyone wanted to leave with him, and there was a clear understanding that he wasn't joking, he'd been ready to quit for a while and had genuinely decided this could be the moment. It was tense to listen to, so very different from Ray and Ed just sitting in Ray's house and giggling about the idea of blowing off a podcast recording to go to McDonald's. Then a distraction happened and they did not, in fact, walk out. But I have no doubt that he was serious about being close to doing it.

I thought I'd post a clip to illustrate some of it - this happened after Ray had already declared he was ready to walk out of the studio and never come back because of the incompetence/other problems at the radio station. They'd mentioned earlier in the episode that they'd been given trailers for various FUBAR shows and been asked to play them, and Ray decided to pull them out while he was on the phone with a listener who'd called in. She didn't want to hear the Justin Lee Collins trailer, and understandably so (I have listened to nearly all 196 hours of Peacock & Gamble, but the one bit of it I found myself nearly - not quite, but nearly - skipping was their half-hour guest spot on Justin Lee Collins' show, because my God, is that man ever annoying), but then Ray worked out that there was a Peacock & Gamble trailer in there, and... yeah, I don't blame them for wanting to walk out on the spot.

So that's the level of being fucking done with it all that they got to, when there were still three episodes left. Things have seriously devolved. And I have to get to the end. I have to finish the last couple of episodes before I do anything else, so I may be free of this Godforsaken story. Also it's still very funny and I don't want to stop listening to it.

Well this post got long. I need to go to bed. On a lighter note, I've been greatly enjoying the music they play. I've downloaded a few songs that I heard on this show, plus have been listening to Jonathan Coulton again. I didn't need to download his stuff as I already have lots, I was really into him since high school, but I forgot about him for years, and appreciate Ray Peacock reminding me of Coulton's existence. That's been fun.

Here, let's end this post on a positive note. Since writing this has felt weirdly bleak, for a post about an incredibly funny radio show that's been hugely entertaining me all week (the difference is that when you hear it play out on the radio show, it's done by comedians who are constantly interspersing it with comedic bits - if you just describe what happened without doing comedy, it doesn't sound fun). And I've managed to stay mostly on topic for almost this entire post, so why not end it by going off topic and telling you about my high school music taste? I've always found this song genuinely, unironically inspirational (they haven't even played this one on the radio, they've played deeper cuts, and I like his deep cuts, but with Jonathan Coulton, my favourite is the obvious):

[an-aura-about-you]

starting in on Handbook for Mortals and I'm just going to cover all the miscellaneous beginning crap that this thing is wrapped in before actually starting on the story.

first thing I'm going to talk about is what's on the back of the book because not a lot of people talk about what was chosen for that. usually there's a brief blurb with the premise of the book or maybe some reviews, sometimes even a little paragraph directly from it to entice the reader. that last one is my standby when I need to put a summary for a fic.

Handbook for Mortals went the route of paragraph from the book as well as three quotes from romance author Skye Turner, who also wrote the foreword for the book, and the promise that this book will soon be turned into a movie. which was due to come out *checks my wrist* six years ago. this has not yet happened, but the author is still insisting it will.

anyway, the bit chosen from the book to highlight what we're getting into is a conversation between our main character and her love interest, which is meant to be some enemies to lovers stuff. but honestly I'm a bit uncomfortable at the, "looked like he might hit me, but I knew that wasn't really an option for him," in there. so, we are already setting up our love interest as a person who needs some kind of mental restraining bolt to refrain from violence instead of just, y'know, not being violent. really speaks to his morals right there. absolutely trustworthy, surely his resolve is ironclad.

this also speaks to the genre of the book because there's a lot of talk about this book having magic and being magical but it's the romance we're choosing to set up here. I think it's safe to say magic is going to be present in this book the way coffee is in a coffee shop au fanfic: it's technically true but it's not why we're reading the story and ultimately not important to it.

I'm not even gonna bother with the blurb on the inside of the dust jacket because it's literally just a synopsis of the entire book. even the ending. I'm not even kidding.

now I wanna talk about the autographs my copy came with. the book I bought for $2 off of Amazon was signed by both the author Lani Sarem and actor-potential producer of the movie Thomas Ian Nicholas, and both of them write some pretty weird things to the people they gave this book to. (there were two names in the personalizations as well as a post-it note with those same names. my best guess is one person in the couple preordered the book with Sarem, requested that it be signed, and then never picked it up. hilarious if true.)

I'll start with American Pie guy's dedication first:

"Be the magician who fools magicians."

like. what? what does that even mean?

Sarem's is both worse and funnier:

"Never forget those who do not believe in magick will never find it! Thanks for believing!"

well I guess they didn't believe too much if they never picked up their book. also that just feels so mean-spirited to me. had I written a similar dedication, I would phrase it as, "Never forget those who believe in magic will always find it!" then it's still exclusive without needlessly dragging others down for ~not being able to find the magic in their lives~. not to mention my own personal pet peeve with the whole magick thing, but that is a rant for considerably later.

there is a typo in the book's disclaimer:

"Any similarity to real persons, living or deal,"

but also that doesn't make sense because I know this book has the real life Plain White T's with their real names as well as Carrot Top and Wayne Newton.

there's also proof that Sarem had permission to use all the song lyrics she uses in the story, which are so copious that without thinking I originally wrote the word, "fic," in this sentence. because yeah, this reeks of songfic, the rare example of one where the person writing has permission to actually use the song. look, I've only seen song lyrics work in a book exactly once, and that was Good Omens. and Lani Sarem is not Terry Pratchett or Neil Gaiman.

(I should know, I just listened to the audiobook for Stardust as a sort of cleanser to remind me what a good book sounds like. it's shockingly refreshing listening to the work of an author who is actually good at their job.)

the dedication is also just. ugh:

"This is dedicated to: The granddaughters of the witches you could not burn and for all those who believe in Magic."

that exists in print in this book. I'm assuming seriously.

I took a peek at how long the foreword is but don't have time to get in on it before I start work today, so this is where I leave things for now.

[pisscreant]

Oh before I forget: below, I have infodumped about three unfinished semi 'crack treated seriously' post-game canon-noncompliant ideas. I once planned to post them, but prob won't use the ideas here any time soon. They all involve trying to prevent the apocalypse and breaking the story/game while doing so.

They're free for you to do with as you please. Use the whole idea or tiny parts. Go nuts, because I sure did! (& again, pleeeease mention me and link me so that one day I might be able to come read!!) Message this blog or email me at artiesanscheese@proton.me !!!

Fic One: Midnight, the Stars and You v2

I wanted to play with the fact that the UI is a FELD tape computer. In this fic, the player starts editing save files to help Harry navigate The Return, much to his confusion and existential horror.

Fic Two: Volta Brackets (or the Grandpa Piss Saga)

This was my darling batshit incoherent mess. I jumped the shark, and I had fun doing it.

The 'case' part of the casefic wasn't figured out yet. I wanted to explore The Return and alternate timelines/averting or delaying the apocalypse, ect. I have no idea how the fuck I planned to actually accomplish that.

It's written from main Harry's pov. The twist I had fun was with a shady old man character dubbed 'Grandpa Piss' skulking around. Shivers and other Skills mention his activities and he shows up here and there.

It turns out that's a time-travelling older version of Harry trying to prevent the apocalypse. His stats are maxed, his morals have blurred, and despite it all he still just wants to save everyone By All Means Necessary.

A less concrete idea I considered adding to this verse involved old man Harry intentionally getting ZA/UM'ed and psychic judo-ing his moralintern interrogator so their minds switch places. So alternate body-snatching Harry slowly loses his humanity by abandoning his timeline, gta-ing some dude's body and terrifying represent timeline Harry and Kim.

Idk it was a card I had up my sleeve that I loved. Grandpa Piss was some kind of personification of how I was twisting DE into something unrecognisable, but I had too much unironic fun with him. Something something 'organ thief', doppelganger, body snatcher.

Fic Three: From You It Will Spread

Harry's mind-reading powers and Shivers checks bleed over to Kim. Then to more and more of their friends. Steadily, the number grows. Revachol hivemind time! I just had fun with Harry psychically dming Kim during cases, as well as the Skills being able to talk to Kim as well. Writing Kim noticing some things that the Skills say and prompting them to elaborate was also fun. The growing prescence of Revachol being a hivemind was also interesting to try and write. Funnier still was to write it like an eldritch group chat with Revachol as the mod. My main two goals were: 1. Write weird but cute KimHarry psychic connection and maybe nasty af sex. 2: To enable my boys to directly beam their annoying selves into the minds of their friends and coworkers.

Anyway that's it! Have fun!

[onlyjaeyun]

THREE MORE CHAPTERS WOOOOO (i’m holding back tears) 🥳🥳🥳 i can’t believe poison is coming to an end so soon (it’s been months ik but STILL) first of all i really love how sunghoon and heeseung’s friendship somehow become funnier 😭 like all that sass and all the “ur gf” “well UR gf” is so funny and i’m glad that they kinda both got into relationships around the same period they fr are soulmates anyWHO 🧍‍♀️ i feel so empty knowing that by next week or by the end of this week really there won’t be any more poison updates ☹️ BUT HEY STRICTLY BUSINESS LETS GO🗣️ i’m rlly rlly excited to see everything that’s gonna take place in strictly business and all the ddlg that’s gonna happen 🤭🤭 like i’m sO EXCITED. ANYWAYS poison farewell soon :( i hope u take some sort of small break before starting strictly business bcs i cant even imagine how exhausting working on poison must’ve been, please take care of urself & ur health and most importantly ur mental health zadie <33 we’ll all be here waiting for anything u want to post or release so please take care of urself and don’t feel pressured at all especially since you had to state how much pressuring it is when people ask u for daily updates (and u had to remind them this MULTIPLE times like damn 🤨 get a hint) but yes !! i hope you’re alright and everything is going well sending u lots & lots of love & hugs & kisses, i can’t wait to begin ranting and filling ur inbox about strictly business 😁 <3

- ⁉️

MY BABY!!!!!!🥺🥺🥺🩷

poison!heehoon really are soultwins and it makes me so happy that i managed to portray their friendship just how i i had intended 🤭🤭

and pls not you making me tear up with that second part. i really, really appreciate the love, support and understanding you guys have been sending my way like it's sometimes so surreal to me just how amazing you all are. after so many fnadoms this is the one i've felt the most loved and appreciated and understood like we're all just humans who love the same people and are having a good time and IRGH thank you baby. don't worry, am planning to take a break for a few days once poison ends just to make sure i can give you guys and structly business the best version of myself.okay before i get too emotional and expose my bank information on here im gonna send you the fattest kiss and hope you're taking care of yourself as well. i love you so much 🩷

[myfaveisfuckable]

Rants under the read more

obi wan/grievous: Ok so this is a HUGE crackship and some people are not going to agree but like, Obi-Wan is what comes to mind when you think of the jedi and Grievous hates the jedi as a whole because he believes them to the cause of his mutilation and the suffering of his people, but the jedi are not the ones who did this. Grievous is a pawn in the game of the sith and he doesn't realize that his mind has been altered against his wishes or that he will be desposed of as soon as the war ends. Obi-Wan is a compassionate man and is able to consistently go toe to toe with Grievous, making him a rival Grievous can't help but respect in a weird way (his people are warriors, for all we know, fighting could be a method of flirting to his people yaknow? And obiwan genuienly flirts as a way to throw off his enemies, think of the comedic potential if Obi-Wan didnt realize how MUCH hes been a flirt or if Grevious acctualy gets flustered by it because obiwan is such a competent fighter and IF ONLY HE WASNT THE ENEMY-) If Obi-Wan knew what happened he would have tried to make amends and help his people, and if Grievous learned that it was Dooku (a former jedi turned sith) who turned him into a monster against his will, he'd probably be willing to team up with Obi-Wan to bring down Dooku and the Sith plans for Galactic domination to avenge and to protect his people, and they would be an absolute powerhouse since they are already familiar with eachothers way of fighting and from a writers point of view its filled with so much potential angst and drama, and hijinks, and even enhances the plot and creates parallels between the two that the franchise has never bothered to make and it has so much potential even if they don't fall in love they could be really good friends/partners/allies and if order 66 goes as planned they would be badass rebels its such an overlooked possible dynamic PLEASE 🥺

Sephitoph:

I made this one up as a joke but now i'm invested. ummm i'm just gonna c-p the rant I made on discord

ME:

they both have bright green eyes....

that's it, that's all i got ...

you probably won't like me for this, but i think it's funnier as a ship

SISTER:

...okay, explain 😂

ME:

er, not even funny, like i think they could make a good couple!

or at least an entertaining one

two ways you could take this, depending on whether you go w/ pre-breakdown Sephiroth, or post-breakdown, sadistic alien ghost who just wants to burn the world and torment cloud

for the latter, that's crackier but i'm just saying Toph is down w/ dramatic villainy and destruction

[insert: I AM MELON-LORD *maniacal laughter* gif]

(ok maybe not for real, but it would make a funny crack fic)

but pre-Nibelheim Seph (with the caveat that my understanding of his character is 90% from fanfic) he kinda personality of Zuko, circumstances of Azula

eh,,, ,that's not really on the mark

but anyways I know Zuko/Toph can be a great ship, i've seen it.

i think you'd could write a similar dynamic here

Sephiroth had his whole life laid out for him and he excelled at everything he was expected to do, but it's never been really about what he wants, like he's never really gotten to express himself. Or, like, develop a personality?? He's very isolated.

Toph also grew up very isolated, but she had kinda the opposite, where she utterly discarded the expectations people set for her (dressed up pretty helpless doll) and established her own person, wants, and goals very early on so they've got "coming from similar places but approaching things very differently", would lead to some very interesting interactions i think plus they're both down to work out emotional problems by sparring

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

I was re-listening to this song earlier, thinking about the different lyrics that have defined my year this year. I thought back to how this one clearly defined February to early March for me but couldn't for the life of me remember the song. I couldn't find it in my search history either until I very suddenly remembered a rough version of the lyrics and beat.

So, why am I making a post about it?

I started listening to it to see if there were any hidden meanings or messages in it that I hadn't seen before when I first heard the cover of this song. I like doing this because whenever I feel called to study music closer, I always end up finding out something that absolutely shocks me.

This song was no different. I guess I was more focused on the vocals when I heard it because I didn't pay any attention to the actual lyrics because I didn't even realize she was talking about new york!! This would be a hundred times funnier if I could tell you anything about who I was showing this cover to at the time because I was probably the only one unaware of what this song was about lmao

As I was listening to the original song and reading the lyrics that I saw a video with the original singer, Suzanne Vega, talking about the meaning of the song. The video follows her around New York City as she discusses the story behind the lyrics. It took a minute for me to register what city she was in because the captions were in Dutch, so my brain assumed it was the Netherlands or something. But I recognized the areas she was walking through, and then I realized she was saying the entire song was based on an actual restaurant in New York. I've never been to that restaurant a day in my life, but as soon as I saw it, I was so certain that I'd been there. It could also have a small thing to do with the fact that my mom watched Seinfeld religiously when I was a child, but whatever.

Anyway, she also walked past this cathedral, which she mentioned in the song, and I immediately screamed because I was like I've been there! I've seen that cathedral! The above picture was taken one day after I turned thirteen in like August 2012. That same day, I walked to Washington Square Park, and took photos of the arch, and I don't have any idea where exactly this was, but I walked into the coolest costume shop ever and I think I bought a masquerade mask there (which I still have).

I remember seeing a man in a bunny costume just walking (or hopping?) down the street. I also remember seeing two people completely naked and going at it on a cardboard box in an alley in broad daylight, which I still find absolutely hilarious. I also almost got hit by a car (more than likely) on this day. And I don't mean that in a "a new york driver drove really fast past me and I worried I was going to get hit because no one actually seems to follow any pedestrian laws" sense, but more like in the sense that this man actually almost hit me because I was walking alone and I have a phobia of moving cars, so when he was coming at me, I just froze up and he looked freaked tf out too. (this was also why i wasn't allowed to walk around new york by myself, because i struggled to even cross the street unless someone was holding my hand)

It was actually on E 21st street, right next to Gramercy Park. I was on my way back home from the huge Barnes and Noble on 17th street. I had expected to meet my true love that day, instead I nearly met my untimely death!

For a long time, there was no city I wanted to visit less than New York City. My family lives there, and there are so many other reasons that made me not want to ever go again. But regardless of that fact, there's a moment when you first enter the city from out of state, right before the smell of hot, wet garbage absolutely knocks you out, where the air smells sweet and savory and like cinnamon, depending on where you come in at. There's the wonderfully thrilling moment when you enter the Lincoln tunnel at night, and the cars light up the inside of the tunnel and if you don't think about what might be on those walls, you want to reach out and run your hands all over the walls and remember that texture forever. During the day was just as wonderful because the tunnel was so dark, and when you ended up on the other side after a twelve hour road trip, everyone would squeal and cheer with relief because it meant we were finally there.

And maybe I saw two people having sex on a dilapidated cardboard box, and hid all my belongings in my shoes because I was terrified of getting mugged. But I'll never forget the snow. I'll never forget getting pizza with my aunt and it raining on the way home, so the pizza was completely drenched and just salty and gross and soggy but still so good. Maybe 99% of me hates it so much, but 1% of me goes back to a time in my life where I just had to see the Chelsea hotel, and where I walked through Central Park and heard music playing and so much energy around me.

I'll never forget sneaking out of my grandma's apartment and leaving her door cracked open like the little southern dumbass I am and waving at a girl who told me to fuck off in response while I was walking (that definitely pissed me off btw). I'll never forget fainting when I got home because I never drank water and have never been able to handle heat a day in my life. Us southern girls can't go an hour, let alone a whole month without AC. For some god awful reason, when I was growing up, I rarely entered a store that had it. I'm a little convinced on this fact alone that most new yorkers have a penchant for sadism or something because I know I'm not the only one who wants to jump off a building kermit style being in that heat.

It hits me so randomly sometimes and I miss New York so much it hurts. I'll just think, "I should have gone to NYU, I should have never listened to my dad. I should have tried going to Columbia like I wanted to." or "I miss the lights and cars." In the south, we have crickets, cicadas and the rumble of trains miles away. The crickets and cicadas get so loud it's almost impossible to sleep until it isn't, and then it becomes hard to sleep without. It's the same in New York. The sounds of cars and loud talking and beeps and life gets so loud that it's almost impossible to sleep until it isn't. And then when you go home to the cicadas and the crickets and the trains, all you can think about is how much you miss the sounds of the same cars you used want to shout at.

I never miss New York until it's late at night, and I can remember the nights I used to sit up on my grandma's windowsill, trying desperately to steal wifi from the neighbors next door, or trying to sleep and staring at the plastic aquarium nightlight that she kept on the shelf until I drifted off. It was the most boring city on earth before I started sneaking out. I wasn't allowed to leave the apartment, there were a solid four good channels (I watched so much degrassi, boy meets world, maury and H20: Just add water), no wifi, no books to read or crafts to do or anything. I just had to sit there and watch people walk past all day.

And when I started sneaking out, I'd go to the NYU campus and any park I could find, and I'd pretend that I was going to walk past or meet the person who I'd spend the rest of my life with. I never did, but it's okay. The experience was better than anything I could have imagined. I'd go to costume stores, and art stores, and bookstores and I'd explore all the places I could find. Sometimes I wish I had been bold enough to use the money my parents gave me to go do stuff, like take theater classes or something. They definitely never would have known.

I miss the assumption that I would always go back to that place.

That one day I'd go and see the places my brother should have taken me to like he promised. All the cheesy places like Ellis Island (so I can see where my great grandfather first entered the US at age 12!!), or the top of the Empire State building or the Brooklyn Bridge. I'd actually do anything to at least see Brooklyn. But it would be a bit too painful, and I don't even know what I'd do there anyway. Probably take a picture, post it on Instagram and say, "Brooklyn in Brooklyn! bah dum tsss!"

Anyway, so clearly this song took me down memory lane lol

[averageartistamber]

Splatoon World Tour

Episode 8-Surf’s up, Inferno Archipelago!

Note-I wonder if it’d be funnier to “voice act” Tiny’s bird sounds, or should I just try to find so stock sounds?

Also, because of the way Bruce’s room is arranged, the close ups of the TV are probably gonna be at a different angle.

Location: MC.Thresh News Room

Characters: BRUCE, TINY, PEARL and MARINA (Teaser-ETERNITY)

(Screen opens with MC.Thresh Logo and goes to the news room.)

BRUCE: GOOD MORNIN’ INFERNO ARCHIPELAGO! It’s your host, M.C Thresh, featuring co-host Tiny!

TINY: *Squawks*

BRUCE: Annnnnd. THAT’S NOT ALL, EITHER!

TINY: *excited squawk*.

BRUCE: We’ve got some special guests in today’s instalment, AND IF IT AIN’T THE TWO AN’ ONLY, IT’S OFF THE HOOK!

(PEARL and MARINA appear on screen. BRUCE claps and TINY squawks.)

PEARL: AYOOOO!

MARINA: Heeey!

BRUCE: So, what’s the updates on the World Tour that everyone’s been buzzing about?

MARINA: Well, we’re practically ready to launch, and the concert dates have officially been revealed-

PEARL: Tickets almost completely sold out within, like, the first day too.

BRUCE: Yoooo, sounds like you got the whole world hyped.

MARINA: Yeah, I think so.

BRUCE: And you’ve chosen to give our Inferno Archipelago a visit?

PEARL: Yeah, dude!

BRUCE: So, why’d you choose our humble island?

(Screen does it’s thing.)

PEARL: Only ‘coz, well, look at it!

BRUCE: I mean, it’s true that the Archipelago is a spectacle of natural beauty, and our long history and intricate culture ain’t anything to sniff at.

MARINA: Can’t wait to learn more about it!

BRUCE: Yeah, so, we’ve also been getting on with our own preparations, y’know, giving the concert venue some modern upgrades. With help from the mainland.

PEARL: Cool!

BRUCE: So, yeah, there’s a lot to look forwards to.

PEARL: Exactly.

MARINA: Yeah, and I guess after our tour will be coming to a close.

BRUCE: Couldn’t have pick a better place to end off on!

TINY: *Squawk!*

PEARL: Well, that’s pretty much it from us, for now anyways.

MARINA: Thanks for having us as guests.

BRUCE: No problem.

PEARL and MARINA: We’ll be there soon!

(They both leave.)

TINY: *Squawks*

BRUCE: Incredible stuff, right Tiny? Well, that looks like all we got time for today, so we’ll be back later, MC.Thresh, signing out!

I almost forgot to post today, Joe Megalodontia reminded me. There's just one episode left after this, and it's a little different from the others.

[waywardangel-wilds]

I should probably rewrite this to be the part that’s missing from the other post I wrote about this lmao. Anyway.

Peeta and Katniss splitting a parentally generous (Hazelle) helping of meat and potato salad and one rum and coke (Haymitch):

Peeta: “Oh wow, she hates him”

Katniss: “ugh I feel bad for the kids.”

Peeta: “are you kidding? Their dad is loaded and their mom is hot and smart. They’ll be fine.”

Katniss, dryly: “good to know your thoughts on the matter.”

Peeta, with a little smile: “and Gales a great dad. It’s not like he’s leaving them.”

Katniss: “still. I can’t imagine it, going through that? It has to suck.”

Hazelle, coming by to check on them: “so, what do you think? Foods good?”

Katniss and Peeta in weird married unison and not at all worried about being caught gossiping: “thank you so much for inviting us! We love it! We do, yes. Everything is great, thank you.”

Hazelle, gazing wistfully at her playing grandchildren in the distance while her son and his ex wife glare at each other from across the yard: “children really bring families together, wouldn’t you agree?”

Peeta: “of course.”

Katniss: “mmhmm, yeah.”

Hazelle, looking back at our favourite nosy couple: “we wouldn’t be expecting anything from you two, or will we?”

Katniss, coughing violently and then chugging the rum and coke.

Peeta, looking at his wife desperately in need of rescue from this conversation: “um” oh wow this is awkward.

Hazelle: “children really complete a marriage.”

Peeta, level 9 emergency: “Haha. Yeah, um. Wow! Gale! Nice, uh, shoes?”

Gale, looking at him like he’s the biggest idiot since idiots became a thing: “these are your shoes.”

Peeta, awkwardly: “right.”

~ Hazelle leaving them to this dumpster fire ~

Katniss: “sorry about the divorce, by the way.”

Gale, making everything more awkward by pausing unnecessarily: “yeah, thanks. I guess.”

Katniss, who might be tipsy? That was a double shot of rum: “you’ll find someone soon.” Patting Peeta’s chest. “Someone just like Peeta, yes?”

Gale: “uh sure.”

Peeta, because he won’t miss a chance to be a little shit: “sorry man, I’m taken. But I’m really flattered.”

Gale, irritated: “why do you always have to—“

Peeta, ignoring him: “not that I couldn’t be swayed—“

Gale, continuing too: “do this.”

Peeta: “but you just don’t know how to handle your equipment.”

Gale: “it’s like you— excuse me?”

Peeta: “a face like that, the height, the money, but no personality. Yikes.”

Gale: “I can out personality you any day, Mellark.”

Peeta, blinking like he’s heard something absurd: “uh, no you can’t.”

Gale: “obviously I can.”

Peeta: “I’m sorry, am I not Peeta fucking Mellark? I’m alive right now because I know I’m funnier and cooler than you.”

Katniss: “can we not have a uh, penis (this word is whispered) measuring competition right now? I wanna get seconds!” Yanking on Peeta’s elbow. “Peeta! Seconds!”

Peeta, on a self important high: “Katniss, there comes a time in every man’s life when he must rise to the occasion. This is it for me.”

Katniss, stumbling away: “you suck. HAYMITCH! More juice!”

Gale: “you know what? You’re on. Let’s go.”

Peeta: “go where? I win by existing. See that? That was witty and cool. Which you’re not.”

Gale: “we’re going to—“

Gales ex-wife who I don’t wanna give a name. Let’s call her uh, Carol: “would you two shut up? You’re upsetting the kids! Be adults!”

Gale, childishly: “you know what Carol? You’re not a part of this conversation, so why don’t you mind your own business.”

Carol: “the kids are my business, asshole.”

Peeta murmuring into a bite of his potato salad: “whew she loves you.”

Gale: “what did you just say?”

Peeta, louder: “I said—“

Carol: “shut up! Both of you! If you have to fight at every gathering, why don’t you see who can compliment the other the most, huh? Maybe then I’ll get some peace and quiet.”

Peeta, with a wickedly pleased expression: “now that you mention it…”

Gale: “nope.”

Peeta, louder: “hey kids! I triple dog dare your dad to a compliment war. Whoever wins is the coolest of them all.”

The kids: “whatever!”

Peeta, staring at Gale who is not sweating in response. “My, what luscious and gorgeous hair you have.”

Carol, laughing: “oh my god.”

Gale: “a-and you! With your, um, nice… nails. Very pretty.”

Peeta, one blink of astonishment later: “nails huh? Nice teeth. Shiny.”

Gale: “I like your— your face!”

Peeta: “my face? Really? He’s disqualified, right? That wasn’t even good.”

Gale, through gritted teeth: “it’s very symmetrical.”

Peeta: “fine. You’re good at being a dad.”

Carol: “aw, Peeta!”

Gale: “and you-you are good at people. Being friends-friendly um”

Peeta, grinning like an asshole: “oh my, you’re making me blush. You have excellent taste in women.”

Carol, giggling.

Gale, rolling his eyes: “okay you can’t go after my wife when you already have Katniss.”

Carol: “not your wife.”

Peeta: “it’s not my fault I’m naturally charming. Do I win?”

Gale, sputtering: “No!”

Katniss from across the yard: “Peeta!”

Peeta, shrugging: “seems like I won. Gotta go.”

Gale: “this isn’t over!”

Katniss and Peeta, so totally not spying on Gale and his wife from their house on purpose while they argue about who’s ruining family dinner at Haymitch’s:

“Would it kill you to just let us have one nice dinner?”

“He started it!”

“He’s old!”

Katniss or Peeta, take your pick:

“Oh wow, she’s laying into him!”

“Shut UP! They’ll hear us!”

Gale and his wife again:

“‘Have some respect, boy’ who does he think he is? My father? Please.”

“This is his house! And your mother is happy, can we please just enjoy our dinner? It isn’t our place to say anything on her choice in men.”

“Men? A man should be able to walk down the street without getting winded! He can’t even do that!”

Katniss and Peeta again:

“I mean, he does have a point”

“Shh!”

(Hehe, I posted it @vasilissadragomir ! It was just too funny!)