#anyway epic still so fucking good

[ipcearn]

Relistening to Epic the Musical again, and particularly with the Ithaca Saga, it is just perfect

I talked this over with @artemis-the-changeling during New Year's since accuracy to the myth was a point in discussions before with a major about ancient greek (is that the term in English?) because they brought up how technically only half the story was done with Odysseus arriving in Ithaca based on the original myth

But I think arguing accuracy over Epic is losing the point already

Even before lyrically established

It's not a musical achieving to adapt all the Odyssey as it was written

It's a musical about Odysseus's journey to Ithaca translated to a core theme

[percytheboykisser]

guys i'm flipping out i need the wisdom saga NOWWWWWWUSDUUDUDIGK

[theteapotofdoom]

Going through something hella specific at the moment

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

having shrimp emotions abt the end of shb again

[sonknuxadow]

update to whatever is going on in my tomodachi life game : blaze and surge broke up #LOVELOSES . but everything is ok now because i gave surge a cheeseburger (it is her favorite food)

[raeofgayshine]

I love playing Pokémon in a way that would absolutely kill anyone who knows a thing about the game. No I don’t know most weaknesses and strengths of typings or what I should be using. No I’m not building a well rounded team. No I don’t remember battle to battle what moves are effective against what Pokémon’s even if I just fought them and lord knows I don’t really understand their power or literally any stat my mons have. I am heavily brute forcing my way through this game with my team full of Sunflora fusions because this is Infinite Fusions and I can do that. Yes having everyone a grass type presents problems. No I don’t care! I will beef them up enough they can tank hits until I can destroy whoever I’m fighting and if all else fails I have potions and revives and everything I need on stock to keep going. I do not know what I’m doing but I’m having fucking fun with it!!!!

[gobstoppr]

mspaint fanart of this fucked up xuppu plush i found on google

[fingertipsmp3]

Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself

[orcelito]

Been finishing up act 2 of bg3. It's a good thing I find the battle systems so fun bc Hoo Boy there sure do be battles

[j-crow]

crying and weeping pathetically I MISS MY POOKIEEEEEE 💔💔

[inseparabiles]

the most amazing part about this story so far is that it's been 50 000 words and Lucilla still has less than 0 intentions of having anything to do with the twins, however,

Acacius on the other hand is slowly discovering that he could genuinely like Geta as a person, if it wasn't for all of that, and he's picked up a habit of deliberately pestering him just to get him on the defensive in order to challenge his idiot world views and force him to think about how he's acting. I think this is the same kind of entertainment to him as a pumpkin filled with meat is for a tiger who gets to maul that thing to bits. Like hey remember all of those shitty things you did to me and everyone I love? Yeah. Time to collect on that.

And, though it's been that 50 000 words by now, the only person in the world who can stand Caracalla is still just Geta, full stop. He is NOT making himself any more likeable and at this point I think that's just how he wants to have it.

So I guess it's less Lucilla ruining Acacius's life with politics and more Acacius ruining Lucilla's life by accidentally voluntarily adopting an idiot son with a disaster attachment, and Lucilla's just forced into this deal by a combination of her Rome first attitude and her love and patience for Acacius who's finally found himself a hobby pre-retirement.

Lucius is also about to sniff some dirt nearby, which should decently mess her life up all over again. They're getting so many sons all at once and nobody asked for any in the first place - this was supposed to be an insurrection, not a sitcom

(And it so still is. There's so much politics and war happening around all of this, and there isn't one minute in a day that someone isn't actively worrying about getting murdered or invaded or sparking a civil war that devastates the whole of the Empire and destabilises a continent and a half in its wake, etc. All of the above is happening in the five, ten, twenty minutes a day that people have left over from fighting for their survival and trying to keep everything they love from collapsing around them. That's the actual funniest part, that in all of its ridiculousness and for the whole of its insane premise, this story still fails to be a crackfic.)

unhinged concept (I'm entering that stage): Lucilla actually does adopt Geta and Caracalla which ruins Acacius's life but also makes him their step-father and they finally get an actual father figure who teaches them how the fuck to hold swords and not be the worst people ever.

and we just cancel Macrinus entirely, which, I don't know what the hell happens to Lucius but that's someone else's unhinged concept to worry about.

And we put Caracalla on a leash because the boy cannot behave. That's no way to treat your mother

[happy74827]

One Call Away

[Wade Wilson x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: During one of his "jobs," Deadpool gets a call from his favorite gal [GIF Creds: jdsheart]

WC: 1970

Category: Fluff, Major Comedy {TW: Deadpool’s Humor/Nonfiltered Personality}

This man is so hard to write. I’m always stressing the noggin when it comes to planning and plotting 😔

『••✎••』

"And away we go..."

One neck crack and a couple of hip twists later, he was off like Aladdin and his fucktoy carpet, scaling the building similarly to a chameleon on LSD.

The only thing that was missing was some epic music.

He'd been chasing this baddie around the city for almost two days now. Some big-shot mob boss with ties to Hydra, or the Mafia, or the Yakuza, or some other three-letter-acronym organization. It was hard to keep track of them all at this point. They were all the same, except for the name.

They all had their own agenda.

Kill him, keep him prisoner, pay him off...

Wade never cared enough to listen because it was always the same. He just got hired to do the dirty work, and the pay was good.

The killing was better.

This one, however, was particularly good at eluding him. He'd been trying to get his hands on this man for a few days now. It wasn't as though he was trying to be stealthy or anything, either. He'd walked right up to his front door, knocked, and was greeted with a spray of machine gun bullets.

So, the usual.

But then the guy ran and didn't stop. It was like the fucking Roadrunner met Sonic the Hedgehog, and they decided to fuck around and find out.

Wade was getting real sick and tired of being a Roadrunner, too. He had a reputation to uphold. He wasn't known as the Merc with the Mouth for nothing. He was supposed to be the one doing the running and the killing.

Not the other way around.

Finally, finally, he managed to reach the roof where the guy was currently taking cover behind a small brick shack. The sun was rising, but it was still dark, and there were a couple of floodlights shining on the rooftop. It made him think of the night he'd had that heart-to-heart with Blind Al, even though all she really wanted was for him to bring her some of that special brownie mix.

What a night that had been.

But anyway, this monologue is starting to get too long, and we should probably move things along, eh?

Right.

So, the baddie.

His name was something long and non-English.

Salvatore, or Santino, or Salvation... Whatever the fuck it was, it didn't really matter. What mattered was that it was time to make him dead.

He stepped around the corner and was met with a spray of bullets, all of which lodged themselves into his Kevlar vest.

"Oh, come on!" he yelled over the sound of the gunfire. "This is real leather, you know. I'm tired of all the offscreen sewing and shit."

When the spray finally ended, he took a moment to catch his breath.

"…ow," he whispered to himself.

"You shouldn't have followed me here," the man said.

"Yeah, whatever," Deadpool replied. "Look, I'll make this easy for you. You drop down and give me fifty, and I'll let you keep that hideous mustache you're sporting."

The man's eyes widened in surprise.

"It's not that bad, is it?"

"Yes, yes it is," Deadpool assured him. "You got a squirrel living in it or something?"

"It's just a little bit of gray, you dick," the man argued. "What about you? What's with the mask? Are you hiding a mustache under there, too, or something? Maybe some acne scars?"

Deadpool shook his head and stepped forward, his guns drawn.

"Don't come any closer!"

"You know, this would be much more intimidating if you didn't look like a cartoon mouse."

"Stop it with the mustache!"

"Alright, alright," Deadpool said. "Enough with the mustache. But what is it about your hairline? I can't put my finger on it."

The man sighed in exasperation and pulled out his pistol, aiming it right at Deadpool's face.

"Hey now, don't point that at me," Deadpool scolded him. "That's not a very nice thing to do."

He ignored him and pulled the trigger, a loud boom ringing out as the bullet fired. It whizzed by him but missed its mark.

"You really are a dick," He grumbled before aiming his gun right between the man's eyes. And he was going to shoot, honest.

He really was.

But then his phone rang, and he was well-reminded of the current song playing through his head.

I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man. I can shake-ah my fanny, I can shake-ah my can!

Needless to say, he was distracted.

He lowered his gun and looked down at his pocket, where his phone was still ringing and still vibrating against his leg.

"Shit, hold that thought," He said to the guy, and he holstered his gun.

"Wh-what the hell are you doing?!"

Deadpool put his finger up to shush him before pulling his phone out of his pocket to answer it.

If you're an evil witch, I’ll punch you for fu—

"Heyyyy," he said in a sing-songy voice, "you've reached the phone sex hotline. For kinks and fetishes, press one. For booty calls, press two. For your favorite mercenary, press three."

"Ey, pendejo—" His opponent started, but he cut him off by snapping and raising his finger.

"Cut it, Tuco Salamanca. Breaking Bad called and wants its meth-cooking mustache back."

"Wha-I-you-"

"Anyways, this is your favorite merc speaking. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"

"Is this a bad time?"

Wade's eyes widened in shock, and his jaw dropped open when he heard her voice on the other end of the line.

"Baby girl! Is that you? Oh, how I've missed your voice. It's like hearing an angel, or an angelic chorus, or a whole bunch of angels, but you're the most important one. Like, the lead singer or something."

"I literally saw you last night." Your voice was always drenched with the most amazing kind of sarcasm, and he'd missed it.

"And?"

"It's only been a few hours."

"And?"

"That's a short amount of time."

"And?"

You sighed, but he knew you weren't really annoyed.

"Anyways, you sounded busy," you continued, "so I'll just let you go."

"What?! No! Don't hang up!" He shouted into the receiver. "I've only fiddled with my pistols! Nothing interesting is happening right now!"

"Your pistols, huh?" You asked a hint of mischief in your voice.

"Well, yeah. They're the most important part of the mission, you know."

In the corner of his eye, he could see his target making his way towards the edge of the building. Quickly and efficiently, without dropping his attention from his conversation with you, he lifted his gun and fired a shot at the man's knee.

"Ah, fuck!" the man screamed in pain. "My knee!"

"Hey! Language!" Deadpool scolded him. "The lady of the house is listening!"

"Lady of the- what the fuck?!"

"I said language, you mustachioed rat!"

"Mustachioed rat?" You asked.

"Sorry, babe," he replied. "You know how excited I get when Downtown Abbey is on."

“There’s gunshots in Downtown Abbey?"

"Gunshots? Oh, no, no. That was… uh, a car alarm. Yeah, the neighbor's car alarm was going off."

"Uh-huh," you said, not sounding very convinced. And, of course, that was right around the time the guy's gun went off again, this time hitting him square in the shoulder. It made the phone fall out of his hand and clatter onto the ground, but the call was still connected.

"Dammit!" He yelled, looking at the fresh blood dripping down his arm. "That's gonna take forever to heal!"

"Who are you talking to?" The man demanded, his gun still aimed at Deadpool's face. "You're working with someone?"

"Hey, now, I don't remember giving you permission to talk," Deadpool told him, holding his bloody arm up to his face. "Look, I've gotta call you back, babe. I know it's been so heartbreakingly long—"

"Again, only a few hours," you said.

"—but duty calls. Love you, bye."

"Love you, bye."

With that, the line disconnected.

"Ugh," he groaned, his heart aching for the loss of your sweet voice. "I miss her already."

"Ey," his opponent growled, drawing his attention. He started speaking in rapid-fire Spanish, which Deadpool didn't really understand, but he didn't have to. The guy was just ranting and raving.

"Alright, alright, chill," Deadpool said. "Just calm down. It’ll all be over soon, little buddy."

"I am not little! I am a giant!" The guy protested, and Wade could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. "And I will not chill!"

"Well, can't argue with that, I guess," Deadpool said with a shrug, and he took aim. But before he could pull the trigger, the guy was running again.

"Hey, what did I tell you about running?!" He yelled, but his voice fell on deaf ears as the guy reached the ledge.

"I am a giant!"

"No, you're a giant asshat!"

"I will not be bested by some masked buffoon!"

"Buff? Me? Why, I never!"

"You're the biggest asshole I've ever met!"

"You know what? I am a big ass! A big, round, bubbly ass." He paused for a second. "Hey, what's your favorite flavor?"

"Fuck you, you red-clad imbecile!"

"You know, I'd ask you out to dinner first, but we're kinda past that now."

"Argh!"

"Alright, enough stalling," Deadpool said. "It's time to end this."

"Yes," the guy said, turning his gun back on Deadpool. "It is."

Of course, Deadpool being the smart-ass he was, he'd already taken a step to the side. As the bullet whizzed past him, he reached for his gun.

"Now, where did I put that thing? Oh, there it is."

He aimed the gun and fired, and the man fell back onto the ground. The bullet hit him right in the middle of his forehead, his blood splattering all over the concrete.

"Ha ha! Fatality. Deadpool wins!" He said, his voice taking on the deep, grounded tone of the narrator from Mortal Kombat. "Flawless Victory."

He stood over the body for a few seconds, reveling in his victory, before he felt the presence of another.

The gun on his right side got ripped from its holster, and the barrel was aimed back into his face, as it always seems to be.

But, he already sensed it was coming, so his fingers wrapped around his other and aimed that right in the golden spot… and let’s just say, The Golden Girls was a little less golden and a lot more crimson.

"Wow, this has got to be a record," He said as he bent down to stare at the new one’s anguish. "Two dead ugly mustaches in the same day. You can call me Sweeney Todd because shit… I just shaved you the fuck up."

He didn’t give the poor bastard a chance to even whimper before he fired another two shots into the man's head. All in all, this had been the easiest payday he'd had in a while.

He picked up his cell phone and slipped it back into its pocket before bending down and scooping up the mustache man's pistol.

"Ooh, lookie here, a nice, shiny new pistol," he said to himself. "Just what I've always wanted. Well, I don't actually need it. It's not like I have any other holes in my body, but you know what they say. The more the merrier."

He stuffed the gun in his holster and turned around, heading back the way he'd come.

"Time to get back to the good stuff," he said. "I have a date with my favorite girl."

He hopped up onto the ledge and looked down, his eyes locking on the window to his apartment.

And when he arrived, bloody and battered, you could only smile while holding up little ole Mary Puppins in all her drooling glory.

God, how he missed his girls.

[warriorlid14]

Based on @thejakeformerlyknownasprince's theory that Tobias is the Ellimist. Couldn't stop thinking about it.

....

“Have you heard of the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice?”

Marco groaned. “What is this, a pop quiz? I thought I was done with those when I graduated- well, not graduated. You know what I mean.”

“It’s a Greek tragedy. The story goes that-”

“You know what’s tragic? This conversation.” Marco faked a yawn. “I think I’ll go wake Jake up to take over my shift. What time is it anyway?”

“Just humor me, will you?”

Marco sighed dramatically. He couldn’t even remember what they were talking about that led to this conversation. “Fine, Birdboy, tell me the tragedy of Opeus and Eurywhateverthefuck.”

“Orpheus and Eurydice.”

“Whatever dude.”

“I won’t bore you with all the details-” Marco let out a snort “- but the tragedy goes like this: Orpheus and Eurydice are lovers. She dies. In his grief, Orpheus decides to go down to the Underworld to rescue her. It’s a whole epic, long journey. Long story short: he rescues her. Kind of. He makes a deal with Hades, king of the underworld, to let her go. Hades lets her escape. She can follow Orpheus all the way back out of the underworld. The only condition is that Orpheus can’t look back to make sure she’s following. But it’s a long, epic journey you see. And towards the end of the journey, he can’t hear her steps anymore. Just as they’re about to make it, Orpheus can’t help but look back. She’s then forced to stay in the underworld forever. Here’s the kicker: in certain versions of the tragedy, it’s alluded to that the story keeps repeating itself over and over again. The hope is that maybe the next time, Orpheus won’t make the same mistake. But he always looks back.”

Marco let out a low whistle. “Nice bedtime story. Is there a reason you’re telling me this?” Then he narrowed his eyes. “Is this about Rachel?” Maybe it was a dick move to ask straight out. But there was something off about this whole encounter. There was something off with Tobias. Maybe posture? The voice? His eyes?

Tobias shook his head. “No. Well, not entirely. It’s about all of you. And humanity really.”

Yes, it was definitely the eyes. They were stormy and dark and- were those stars? Were those actual literal stars in his eyes? Marco took a step back, unnerved, looked around and- Yes, he was still aboard the Rachel. Everything was in its place and yet it all felt wrong. And when he squinted, the walls were- Yes, they were almost translucent.

“What?” he said, dread beginning to take hold in the pit of his stomach. “What is this?”

Tobias smiled at him sadly. “I was hoping the illusion would hold a little longer. You always were too smart for your own good.”

“Illusion?” The dread spread to the rest of his body. “What are you-”

“You’re dead, Marco.”

His face turned white. He remembered now. Ram the blade ship. He swallowed hard. He quickly sat down on the floor.

“So this is what, some fucked up afterlife? You’re dead too?”

“This isn’t an afterlife. I guess the best way to put it is that you’re not technically dead just yet, only frozen right before.”

As he spoke, Marco noticed that it wasn’t just the ship that was translucent. Tobias was too. “Ellimist,” he whispered.

Not-Tobias smiled at him again. But he didn’t turn into the old man the Ellimist always presented himself as. He just said, “Yes.”

“Why are you here? Why are you cosplaying as Tobias? Is he dead? Are the others-”

“I’m just here to talk. Aximili and Menderash are dead. Jake, Jeanne, and Santorelli will be dead soon. Tobias will too, in a way.”

If he hadn’t already been on the floor, the grief he felt then would have knocked him over.They had failed.They had failed so badly that-

“You didn’t fail,” the Ellimist said, still using Tobias’s voice. “You destroyed the One’s plans. You saved thousands of lives that would have been taken over by that creature had you all not intervened.”

Like it mattered. They had never set out to save thousands of lives. This mission was only about saving one. “The others. How did they-”

“I think it would be simpler if I showed you.” 

The air shifted around him. He was still aboard the Rachel, though it was now in ruins. He saw Jake, Tobias, and Jeanne, all human, all crouching and crying around- Marco swallowed hard. Menderash, head bashed in. Ax, a gaping hole in his chest. Himself. Marco brought his hand to his side. It had been practically cut open by some machinery when the ships had crashed. There was so much blood pooled around him. He could physically feel the agony and grief in the room, mixing with his own. He turned to the Ellimist, opened his mouth to tell him he didn’t want to see this, and then, as if he read his mind, the scene in front of him changed.

They were no longer aboard the Rachel, but in a smaller ship. An escape pod. Jake was at the controls. Santorelli was sitting next to him. 

“This took place- will take place- in about a week or so,” the Ellimist said. As he spoke, Santorelli stood up and walked towards the back of the ship, expression blank. He picked up a pole. “The rest of your friends thought the One had been defeated back at the blade ship.” Santorelli walked to the front of the ship, holding up the pole. His eyes flashed red. “We were wrong.”

“Jake, watch out!” Marco yelled, uselessly. Jake turned. Too late. Santorelli swung the pole, hard, and Jake fell like a sack of potatoes. Immediately, Santorelli was at the controls, typing away furiously, changing course. 

Jeanne was the first one out into the control room, weapon in hand. “What happened? What-” Santorelli turned to her, eyes still red. The smile he gave her was not human. Neither was the speed at which he ran at her. She fired the Shredder, missed. Santorelli was on her in half a second, bashing her head into the wall. Once. Twice. Marco knew the instant Jeanne died because he physically felt it in his stomach. Santorelli bashed her head once more. 

Then he was kicked across the room by a hork-bajir foot. <Jake! Jeanne! Wake up and morph!> Tobias yelled. Being kicked by a hork-bajir would normally kill a human, or at the very least severely injure them. Santorelli morphed. Breaking every rule Marco knew about morphing, he was a polar bear in less than two seconds flat.

<What the-> Santorelli was suddenly on top of him. Tobias kicked again, pushing Santorelli into the control panel. The ship rocked. Santorelli dove at Tobias again. The fight was over in a couple of minutes. Tobias fought hard. But a polar bear is the fiercest predator on all of earth. And The One was somehow supercharging it. Marco watched in horror as The One held a broken and battered Tobias up by the throat. But it didn’t kill Tobias. Instead, its eyes flashed red, the color growing in intensity. Tobias, who had been feebly struggling, went limp as he looked into the polar bear’s eyes.

“It’s starting to absorb him,” the Ellimist explained, once again reading Marco’s mind.

Suddenly, the polar bear roared and dropped Tobias. It fell to its knees as a tiger sank its teeth into the bear’s flank. <Tobias! Get to the panel! We can’t let this thing escape again!>

Tobias limped to the control panel as Jake continued his fight with The One. No matter how much he clawed and bit at the polar bear, it did not go down. Suddenly, the ship accelerated in the opposite direction as Tobias punched in new directions in the control panel. The passengers were slammed to the front of the ship.

The One got a hold of Jake. Made him look into its eyes. Tobias crawled across the small ship and grabbed Jeanne’s abandoned shredder. He switched it to the highest setting and fired at The One. The blast should have killed it. The polar bear roared, its fur burning. But it did not let go of Jake. Tobias switched gears, pointing the shredder instead to the front of the ship. At the window. He met Jake’s gaze, his eyes now glazed over and a horrible tint of red.

<Do it.> 

Tobias fired. The window cracked. The One turned to him then and charged at him. Too late. Tobias had already fired again. And again. The window shattered and there was nothing left to protect the ship’s passengers from the vacuum of space.

“Nooooo!” Marco screamed as Jake’s body fell off the ship, as he felt his best friend die. Jeanne’s body followed after him. The One had gotten a hold of Tobias as he held onto the console. It tried to reach over him at the panel. Tobias slammed his fist against the panel and the ship was spinning now, out of control.The One clutched at Tobias, trying not to fall. Tobias let go of the console. He and The One tumbled out of the ship.

Marco closed his eyes, expecting the physical pull of his friend’s death. But it didn’t come. Marco opened his eyes, and watched as the Ellimist essentially- Well, he zoomed out of the illusion. He watched Tobias and The One continue to fall. He saw them be sucked into a black hole. 

Still, Tobias didn’t die. Neither did The One. At least not yet. Time fast forwarded in front of him. Marco didn’t know how long. It could have been a few months, or a few centuries, but eventually he felt The One die. Saw the creature be killed by the Ellimist. Toomin. Tobias.

Marco turned to him, eyes narrowed. “It’s you. It’s been you this entire time.”

Tobias smiled at him, though his eyes were sad. “Your friend Tobias died in that black hole. Too much time has passed. I’ve experienced so many lives, some lived, others acquired through memories, that I could never claim to be just one person. But yes, I was once Tobias.”

Marco shook his head. The implications of what he was saying were- well, he couldn’t think about it right now. “I still don’t get it. Why am I here? Why are-” He thought then, of the story Tobias had told him. “You’re trying to change things.” Something like hope began to spread across his chest.

Tobias, not Tobias, shook his head. “It’s not what you think. I can’t change anything that has happened here.”

Marco’s heart sank. “Okay, so you can’t bring me back. But The One’s attack hasn’t  happened yet. We can still-”

“No,” Tobias was shaking his head again. “I can’t change anything here again. It would violate the rules of-”

“This isn’t a fucking game!” Marco exploded, throwing his hands in the air. “What the hell is wrong with you!? These are your friends, damnit! You have the power to change things. I know you do! So fucking do something! ”

Tobias stared at him for a moment, then said, “If I were to save any of you right now, Crayak would immediately retaliate by destroying humanity. He might send a deadly disease or a weapon like the Howlers to annihilate every creature on earth.” Marco swallowed. “He’s done it before.”

The story keeps repeating over and over again. The feeling of dread was back. I can’t change anything here again. “What is this, some twisted groundhog day?”

Tobias tilted his head, thoughtfully. “In a way. Time… time is a tool, a weapon, even, that Crayak can wield. That I can too. But not without its limits. Some things we can change. Maybe you save someone who later fathers a doctor who goes on to find the cure for polio or cancer or whatever. In the future, someone who would have died from said disease as a kid instead becomes a prolific campaign manager who helps elect a president that wouldn’t have been elected otherwise. Said president prevents what would have been a world ending war. Etcetera, etcetera. You remember the time matrix.” Marco nodded. “But other things… some things are unchangeable. They will happen regardless. I don’t know why, but they do. The yeerks will always invade earth. The outcome of that war may change, but not the fact that it exists. Tobias will always fall through that black hole. It might be when he’s 19 or 60 but it will always happen.”

It was too much. This was all too much. “Why am I here?”

The Ellimist smiled at him. “Because you’ve always been great at finding the bright clear line. And right now I need that.”

Marco yelped as suddenly there were strings and lines and threads of all lengths and colors around him. He had the strangest feeling that if he moved, he’d be cut in pieces. Tobias snorted. “These aren’t lasers.” Marco glared at him. He really hated it when he did that. Tobias ignored him. “This is the fabric of time and space. A copy of it anyway.”

“Right, because that’s so much less terrifying,” Marco muttered. Still, he reached out a tentative finger and touched one of the strings.That section of the thread vibrated, and immediately, the threads around it began to vibrate as well.

“That’s a ripple,” The Ellimist explained. “Some changes have much bigger ripples than others. Watch.” Tobias reached out a finger and plucked one thread. The strings around it barely moved. He plucked at another and hundreds of threads around it began to vibrate. One of the threads, one that seemed to stretch for miles, shook violently, shaking other threads as it went. Marco followed the string with his eyes until he saw-

“What the hell is that?”

Tobias waved a hand in the air. “Jesus fucking christ,” Marco exclaimed as the strings all moved to the side, a new section of the threads now in front of him. Tobias waved his hand again. This new section of threads made way for new ones. The Ellimist was scrolling through the threads. He continued to do so until the section Marco had seen appeared before them. The rest of the thread had been taut and a bright, glowing white. This part was brittle, twisting and sagging, and a putrid greenish-black.

“I call it the rot,” Tobias explained. “This is one of those things that can’t be avoided.” The rot spread from one section of threads to the rest. Tobias scrolled through sections of the threads again. Soon, the only threads Marco could see were those that were rotting.

“What is it?” Marco said.

“It’s not good,” Tobias said plainly. “It’s like a poison. Maybe a virus. Every thread you see here represents thousands, millions of sentient beings destroyed by the rot. Not killed, but worse. If left unchecked, it will continue to spread to all threads around it. This is what I wanted your help with.”

“Don’t suppose I have much of a choice,” Marco said bitterly.

“Of course you have a choice, Marco.”

“Yeah? Stay here and talk to you or go back to bleeding out aboard the Rachel?”

Tobias winced. “Yeah, sorry. I can’t-”

“Can’t interfere. Yeah, yeah.” Marco rolled his eyes and sighed. It had been the right move, to come to him as Tobias. Marco was angry. So very mad and bitter and betrayed. But it would be so much easier to refuse to help the Ellimist he knew, an aggravating strange old man, than his old, trusted friend. Marco wondered for a second if maybe the Ellimist was making the whole thing up. But what difference did it make, really? He was still dead.

“I’ve run through hundreds and thousands of scenarios,” Not-Tobias said. He zoomed out of this section of threads. Zoomed into other sections of threads. He strung some threads. Cut others. Braided some with each other.  “I’ve even played out a couple,” he admitted, “when I thought I had figured out a way to contain it.” Every time he zoomed out, the rot was still there. Sometimes the spread of it was bigger. Other times it was contained to smaller sections of threads. “I can’t get rid of it. I can only hope to contain it. Try to delay it as much as I can.” Marco stepped back. There were hundreds, thousands, millions of possibilities. How could he possibly- 

“I found one possibility, one way to contain it as much as I can.” Tobias zoomed out one more time, carefully zoomed in until he found a specific set of threads. He cut them. He zoomed out again and again and scrolled and scrolled. Finally, towards what seemed to be the end of the threads, Marco saw the rot. It was contained to a few single strings. “If I play my cards right, I may even be able to contain the Crayak here.” Marco looked towards the end of the threads and saw only darkness.

“What’s-”

“That’s the inevitable heat death of the universe. Or this universe at least. Maybe another one eventually evolves again. I can’t say for certain.” Not-Tobias shrugged. Marco blinked at him. “Don’t worry about it. It won’t happen for another few million years.”

Marco shook his head, looked back towards what was left of the rot in this scenario. “It seems like you have your answer then. Why not set it into motion?”

The Ellimist zoomed back to where he had cut the strings. He pointed at them. “This is humanity.”

Marco gaped at him. “No. No! Are you insane? How is this even an option??”

“I’ve been looking for other options for centuries. I haven’t found any other way.”

“Then keep looking!” Marco yelled. “How could you even consider this? These are your people!!”

The Ellimist shook his head. “I haven’t been a human for a long time. And regardless, it isn’t just humanity I have to protect. There are millions of other species out there. Thousands-”

“You can’t just undo everything we fought for! Everything you fought for! What’s the matter-”

With a wave of the Ellimist’s hand, Marco was suddenly gone. Back at the Rachel. But not in pain. The Ellimist filled his mind with only his happiest memories. For Marco, this conversation never happened. He would meet death not with fear, but with a laugh.

It was what the Ellimist should have done in the first place. He never should have talked to him, revealed himself, upset him for now reason before his death. Besides, this conversation usually ended the same way. 

It had been a while since he’d appeared in front of his old friends, since he’d told them the truth of who he was.

Hi Jake.

How’s it going, Cassie?

Hey, Ax-man.

Maybe he should have gone to Cassie, instead. Technically she wouldn’t be dead for another sixty years. Not that it mattered. She might be able to understand.

But.

The Ellimist had not gone to Marco to help him find a solution. He knew the solution. This was the solution. This was what he needed to do.

He could not sacrifice billions upon billions of lives to save one planet, no matter how dear it was to him. He could not be selfish about this.

But.

He had talked to one of his old friends. Felt his anger. His betrayal. The Ellimist has been reminded of he’d been, once upon a time. He had looked back.

The Ellimist needed to make his next move. He needed to defeat Crayak or risk losing so much more than humanity. He needed to stop the rot.

But the Ellimist always looked back.

He sighed. You win, he thought. He would keep looking. Maybe he would find another solution. Maybe this time, the end would be different. 

Maybe if he started from the beginning one more time.

..

My name is Tobias. I can’t tell you my last name. Or where I live. It’s too dangerous.

[loving-family-poll]

Ultimate Incest Tournament - Semifinals

Propaganda under the cut:

Sam/Dean:

I'm sorry but they have it all. children of metaphorical incest just continuing the cycle in any way they can. they are brothers and mother + son and wives and each other's scorned lovers and life partners they've had multiple infidelity arcs they are sexually psychopathic together they have forsook life and morality and the earth itself for each other and just love each other so much . They are literally in a heaven of their own making together for eternity, incestuously. Come on!!! Blueprint!!!!! It's not gay if he's your brother!!!!!

dean did stuff to sam's dead body in ahbl. i just know it

Messed-up, isolated sibs with all the daddy and abandonment issues. Their lives are so claustrophobic with the brothers no more than five feet apart in the car, a motel room, or standing next to civilians (face it, they are frigging magnets). Can't leave out that they are always touching each other to check for wounds which is a huge PLUS for any shipper.

Sam and Dean ARE literally the blowjob brothers. They walk into a situation and everyone goes well well well if it isn't the blowjob brothers....... And they say. Yep. That's us. And then they fix the situation with their epic love story

THE classic, iconic, show shopping, never done before etc. etc. incest ship. It changed fandom and it changed the world

Dave/Rose:

Daverose blondetwin sweep because they were codependent without ever meeting from growing up seeing each other in their dreams

What does it mean to be an abused teenage boy growing up alone and seeing a girl in your dreams every night who is also your best friend. and when you finally meet her you go on a suicide mission together even though nobody was asking you to die with her. and then you are the only two human beings left in the recognizable universe on a cold meteor surrounded by aliens but you’re glad it’s with her. and when you finally touch the girl from your childhood dreams she looks exactly like you. because she’s your sister

I don't have words for how good these snarky assholes are together. DaveRose is brain chemistry changing. They both put up so many fronts, and engage in so much snarky wordplay, and are constantly trying to get under each other's facade. They play off each other so well, witty and sharp, I need them to be together always

We all die & we all die alone are the two cold truths of the universe but dave and rose broke both simultaneously by ascending to godhood together

Their twincest wins because it is just so confusingly tragic? profound? dave leaving rose behind in a doomed world, dave following her to the bomb. they are both so closed & cut off & curt its hard to imagine the depth of these things. but that is their love language: giving up their lives for each other over and over, in a confusing and fumbling and heartfelt love song. i can’t say i love you but i know we’ll die together anyway. because we’re made of the exact same stuff. i’ll find you again at the last moment. that’s love.

THEY DIED TOGETHER, YOUR HONOR

Confirmed canon by the author, (something happened) between them. Parallels of dying by each other's sides in EVERY timeline. They are THE womb-to-tomb. There is nothing platonic about winking at your brother while talking about crushes, that shit is incestuous. Seer/Knight archetype. They will die protecting each other.

do you realize love someone if you don’t follow them on a suicide mission into the gaping maw of a literal fucking sun after they knock you out and psychoanalyze you in your dreams? the blueprint of the “ethereal androgynous blonde boygirl twins” trope. witch/knight dynamics. they find each other to die together in every timeline no matter what (but they’re still emotionally constipated teenagers who bicker and make fun of each other in pesterchum). kids with grown-up powers. perfect little freaks of nature. what if we looked exactly like each other’s eyes

[o-sachi]

Do a Somersalt ! ‧₊˚ ⋅ Blue Lock Chars. (Request)

ଳ how would the blue lock boys react to a gymnast s/o who is muscular? ଳ characters; isagi yoichi, bachira meguru, nagi seishiro, reo mikage, chigiri hyoma, michael kaiser, shidou ryusei ଳ tags; floof, afab reader, no y/n

ᯓ Isagi Yoichi

"You're going to the gym? Can I come too?"

The man is absolutely mesmerized by you. The way you look alone never fails to amaze him. But when you're in your element? He's definitely somewhere—melting into a puddle after witnessing your moves.

An absolute sucker for your muscles, especially the thighs. He'll poke at 'em, squish 'em, and lay his head on 'em.

He will always always always ask to watch your competitions. It's only fair that he provide moral support for you since you do the same for his football games. Hell—even if it's just practice, he'll try to come and watch you anyway.

He loves the way you look, but a small part of him wants to be more muscular as well because he thinks he'd embarrass you if he wasn't as lean as you :(

"Hey, what would you think if I were more muscular?" / "Hmm, I'd be pretty proud, but you look great as you are." / "Be for real." / "I am being for real though?"

Doesn't really dwell on that thought. It's more of a fleeting one if anything. He's more preoccupied about admiring you anyway.

ᯓ Bachira Meguru

"How the fuck did you flip like that? I wanna do it too."

Expect him to hound you about teaching him all your "cool" moves. He'll ask about the complicated ones even though both of you know that he won't be doing that with just an explanation, a demo, and a prayer.

Bachira's quite flexible though, so you do manage to teach him some stuff. He was SO ecstatic the first time he was able to do a move that you two had been going over for an hour.

"Babe, I think I'm ready to do a double back salto tucked with a triple twist." / "Okay, first of all, even I can't do that... and two, how do you know that?" / "There's this little thing called 'the internet'?"

He's not really one to be too observant of what body type his s/o has, but he'll always compliment your muscles.

The way his face lights up when both of you find out you can lift him up like a baby is priceless. It may or may not be the reason why he loves your muscles so much...

ᯓ Nagi Seishiro

"Ah... can you carry me back? What? I'm not that heavy..."

Nagi loves your muscles. They're firm, but they make good pillows. He says he falls asleep faster when he's in your arms or when his head is resting on your lap.

Another reason is because you can give him piggyback rides. Sure, he's more than 6 feet tall and still weighs more than you, but you suck it up and try to lift him anyway.

He's so in awe of all the moves that you do on the bars or on the floor. If he's watching you compete, he's most likely thinking about how much of a hassle those moves are.

"Don't you get tired of swinging around like that? Looks tough." / "You know that football matches are 90 minutes long, right?" / "...I know and I hate running for that long."

After both of your trainings, he'll invite you to take a long ass nap in the ac and under the comfiest blanket ever. It's impossible to say no to him.

ᯓ Reo Mikage

"Hey, your video got 500 likes already—as expected."

He pretty much has documented your entire career with how many pictures and videos he has taken of you training or performing. He has his own archive for your competitions too.

"Baby, there is no such thing as too much when it comes to you." / "Um... actually—" / "Shhh... shh..."

You two have the same trainer, nutritionist, manager—everything. He'll introduce you to his team that keeps him in tip-top shape for football so that you can be your best self in gymnastics too.

If he's unable to attend a competition of yours, he'll send someone to watch and record it for him.

Of course, he'll make it up by throwing an epic celebration for you regardless if you won or not. Reo will shower you with endless praise.

ᯓ Chigiri Hyoma

"The judges don't know what the fuck they're doing, honestly."

He's like... such a mom when he comes to watch your competitions. He'll be sitting in the audience—both amazed and a bit worried when you do risky moves.

When the judges score lower than what he expects, he'll start muttering under his breath about how stupid they are and that you deserve WAAAY higher.

The biggest hype man ever. It doesn't matter if you won or lost—he'll always express his admiration for you. If you did win, he'll celebrate the heck out of it with you. But if you lost, he'll reassure you and still celebrate for the effort you put in.

He likes choosing your leotard and hairstyle for you. When you give him the liberty to do so, the biggest smile appears on his face.

"Hmm... this purple one looks good, but I like the red one too." / "Hyoma, you know I'm only going to practice, right?" / "I know, I know."

ᯓ Michael Kaiser

"I only got into it because of you, y'know?"

He will shamelessly ogle your muscles. It's one thing that they look great. But it's another to know that you put in tons of hard work and discipline into building that kind of body. And he respects that quite a lot.

His knowledge of gymnastics when you first started dating was little to none. But suddenly he's so into it now. He watches other gymnasts' routines and learns the common moves and rules in competitions.

Mihya acts lowkey about it, but he feels a sense of pride seeing you happy when the two of you get to talk about the thing you love the most. It'll start of with him initiating the topic, then you'll just rant until you're tired. He won't complain though.

He felt like his heart was sucked right out of his chest when he saw your outfit for a certain competition. It was a black and blue leotard with blue roses on it. You swore his eyes watered a bit, but apparently it was just the wind...

"Well... you look great." / "Are you crying?" / "Huh? Crying? Psh. You're literally seeing things." / "Okay, Gaslighter3000."

ᯓ Shidou Ryusei

"Heh, wanna bet who can do more flips in a minute?"

He's actually glad that you're strong and muscular because it means he doesn't have to hold back as much. Also, he's just into the whole muscle mommy thing. Yes, he's that guy.

Shidou knows you can do pretty amazing things which, of course, leads to the most bizarre hypotheticals and bets ever.

"Babe, do you think you could flip off of that ledge?" / "Seriously. Look at it. It's like twice your height and it's all cement." / "Oh so then you're lame? I bet I could do that."

As much as you'd love to bring him to competitions... he just gets too excited (not that kind of excited). He'll start shouting and cheering you to the point that everyone will be looking at him.

His phone's storage is like 70% videos of you performing moves or you training. He finds it adorable when you're putting in work and doing things that can blow people away.

o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Look all I'm saying is that if I were going to make a minecraft movie.

Well, first off I'd put down the first person to even reccomend we do it in cgi. Not just because it looks objectively terrible and half of the magic and nostalgia factor of minecraft is in its texture but holy shit budget much??? You are literally looking at a situation where the cheaper option is also objectively the better option. What the fuck are you doing

But I mean, after that.

Second off, all my writers must watch popular smps and minecraft roleplays/let's plays to understand the "magic" of the game. That's how we're studying for this, not the game books or whatever. Those guys are clearly doing smthn right, and as the executive/writer who knows very little about mineraft that I am in this hypothetical scenario, I need to do my best to make money. And that means learning what people like about the game and community.

Maybe even bring on some popular (non controversial please god) smp writers for consulting. They literally make minecraft movies as their fucking job, they are the expert u need to consult

Story wise, you NEED to choose if you wanna play this straight or silly. I'm so sick of movies trying to be all emotional and "ohh this world is so beautiful,, if u could only understand,, woaa" with their epic sound track and dramatic lighting, but then the dialogue being ripped out of a stupid marvel knockoff trying too hard to be witty

Anyways. Give me a generic "kid has a hard life and uses [thing] to escape it but then their parent trashes [thing] to teach them a "lesson"" movie.

The thing is minecraft and this kid is totally in love with letsplays and smps and has a server with their online friends (get a sponsorship from discord for that good good film sponsorship money, have them play while in call)

The mom or dad or maybe both trash the kids computer for some reason (bad grades maybe or one of those shitty "you need to talk to us more!!! That computer is killing ur brain!!! You don't love us as much as you should and it's that damn games fault!!!" But like it's actually just a kid being a normal fucking kid and having normal fucking kid hobbies things and the parents are dicks)

They delete the minecraft world rip

Them boom, kid somehow gets stuck in the game

Switch to NON CGI FILMING IN MINECRAFT. If you really need to add your stupid shitty fucking cgi then at least make it look like an ACTUAL MINECRAFT ANIMATION holy shit

It'll save us so much money too

So main plot is this kid, being trapped in minecraft, actually falling through different minecraft servers.

We can have different cameos from popular smps and youtubers, get some old youtubers and gameplay in here too. Get fucking dantdm and the diamond minecarts og series with the lab thing, it'll make the old fans lose their fucking MINDS.

The youtubers themselves don't even have to show up, just shove the kid into settings that are clear references to smps and letsplays. Have them wander through Aphmau's OG minecraft diaries sets or Sundee's lucky block series

The best part is that as backdrops, you don't even have to fully commit to "you'll only get this/find this interesting if you know these guys" bc if your writing is good enough you can still make people care by just. Introducing it correctly. Don't present it as "Aphmau's old minecraft diaries series world" go "oh wow look st this cool village,, woah I wonder who built this ,," And have them interact with NPCs organically

Meanwhile the parents go into the game after the kid to bring them back and we do this whole world hopping adventure where the parents learn that,, minecraft can be fun? Actually?

They find the kid and the kid is like "nooo I'm having too much fun the real world SUCKS!!!" but then we do that "it's cool to have fun and indulge but you still need to be present in the real world and do real people things too in order to have that fun responsibly" where somehow the kid realizes that moderation is good for u.

Maybe they almost die in game fr fr? Every world they enter has its difficulty upped a little bit till they enter *gasp* a hardcore world (oh no)

So like the kid learns that you can't just lock yourself in the room and wish the world goes away while you play minecraft for 12 hours straight, and the parents learn that minecraft is cool and fun and can be a good outlet and outlets are important for adults and children alike. And also that they totally pulled a dick move and they need to try to understand their kid instead of just demanding the kid understands them

Somewhere along the way, the kid ends up in their friends server and the friends help to pull them out of the game w the parents

We end the movie with the kid making an effort to be more present with the parents, and the parents also making an effort to interact with the kid in ways that they know the kid will enjoy and respond well to— shown a family dinner scene where the kid very eagerly eats their food while talking about school, then they all go to play minecraft together

The end <3

Oh right and if you seriously want Jack Black there so fucking bad then make him either the dad or like. School computer teacher who helps the kid use Minecraft EU to learn science (shows off that some schools use minecraft for education purposes) who also helps the kids friends pull them and the parents out of the game

Overall, lots of themes not just about how the game is cool and can let you do cool shit, but also about how the community is cool, and how it's provided so many kids and adults outlets to express themselves and have fun together

That's how you do a game movie

Anyways yeah, minecraft movie looks shit. Hire me instead next time