#anyway all this to say is im going to keep watching but its on thin fucking ice lmao

[magstorrn]

every few years im reminded that the war of the worlds stage show exists which is never good because i always find something new to hate about it

[queenerdloser]

i started miss sc*rlet and the duke bc i enjoy period mysteries but uh the third ep might have ruined me for it. i mean, even leaving aside the annoying plotline of having the antagonist of the week be a militant feminist activist (yeah we’ve never seen THAT before wow so original) i’m finding it really really hard to continue liking their male lead after he laughs and agrees with and smirks at every sexist comment made by every single goddamn man in this entire episode. (what the fuck!!!!!) especially since there’s just like. what feels like very little response from our female lead about his behavior???? 

and we come through the plot about women’s rights to find eliza... backing down on making a stand for the respect she deserves??? on every suffragette being portrayed as crazy or stuffy??????? on the sympathetic male lead telling our female lead over and over she’s naive and shouldn’t be a detective and literally taking control of who she talks to because he “knows better” than her. i’m losing it. i cringe’d my way through the entire thing bc i was sure there HAD to be a moment where they would turn it around and plow their way out of the microaggressions and blatant sexism taken at face value with little more than like... a perfunctory clapback, when the show’s entire premise is about breaking boundaries with a female detective and yet!!!! and yet!!!!!! they never did!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!

[kumezyzo]

dry humping with sapnap where he is all needy please

im just gonna leave this here. its such ass btw. really short... anyway.

...enjoy...or dont :) m.list

you woke up on your own, trying to stretch in your boyfriends arms but to no avail. with the way he had his arms wrapped around you, you just squirmed awkwardly. in the process, he stirred awake.

you looked up from his chest, waiting for him to open his eyes and look down at you with his pretty green eyes. when he does finally open his eyes, he blinks down at you and smiles lazily.

you smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss, meeting his lips softly. he hummed, pulling you in by your waist as close as he could get you. he pulled away and sighed, closing his eyes to just bask in your presence.

"im gonna go to the bathroom," you tell him quietly, moving his arm off your waist. he grunts softly and sits up as you stumble out of bed, licking his lips at the sight of you in your short and thin sleep shorts.

he was on his phone when you came back into the room. he wrapped his arm around you when you sat in bed with him, watching him look through his emails.

then he turned switched to his home screen, looking down at you. you look up, waiting for him to say something but instead he kisses you. its needy, lustful if you will. it throws you off guard.

you pull away, placing your hand on his chest to keep him from chasing you. "what brought this on?"

"those shorts are nice," is all he says before going back in for another kiss. he set his phone om the nightstand, using his now free hand to rest it high up on your thigh.

you pulled away, eliciting a groan from him. "my shorts turned you on?" you ask smugly. he rolled his eyes and gave your thigh a particularly hard squeeze.

you shook your head with a smile and moved to straddle his lap. "its okay, you can say you were checking out my ass."

"im always checking you out," he says shamelessly. he moves his hands on your hips. you look at him in shock before sighing and leaning in to kiss him again.

you moan softly when you finally feel how hard he got in the span of a few minutes. the heat radiating from it causing you to squirm softly. his grip on your hips only tightened and then lightly guided you in a way that encouraged you to keep going.

he moaned against your lips, feeling like if you stopped, he would die. you werent sure if he had realized how he was whimpering with every drag of your hips against his. and for you, it was juat as arousing thinking of how much he seemingly needed you in that moment.

you pull away from his lips, feeling your heart flutter at the way he chased you. you admired the red of his lips and the love sick look in his eye as you caught your breath.

when you slowed your hips, his hands helped you continue the movement. he was addicted.

i just rewatched Sweeney Todd and it truly is fantastic. tell me if i have typos in this. or if yall want a longer version. -nony

[the-s1lly-corner]

Which of the creeps (that you write romantically for) be okay/like a bada$$ s/o? Like every1 is intimidated and every1 thinks that if you try to fight them you’re stupid? Have a great day!!

Creeps with a badass reader!

i actually really like this idea!! also im so so sorry it took me so long to get to this </3!! ive kinda been focusing on art these past few days, and when i havent been drawing ive kinda been. laying in my own. feelings. sleepy.... yk how it is!!

with that said! yeah! i wont be doing all the bare bones list of characters i usually do with non specified characters! to keep true with the prompt im going to stick with characters i feel would like this kind of S/O and/or compliment the readers fierce nature... also going to aim for a more comedic style

LIST OF CHARACTERS: Laughing Jack, Eyeless Jack, Hoodie, Splendorman

CW; mentions of violence

Splendorman;

No because just think about it; a soft easy going cryptid with a strong and ready to fight partner

"he asked for no pickles" dynamic basically imo LMAO

he would rather you tone it down, or at least dont fight for him... he doesnt want you to get hurt, or in trouble..! mostly trouble, he knows you can handle yourself

he wont ever say it but hes internally swooning anytime you fight for him, though. like. "oh? they would do this for me just because someone said something vaguely mean about me?"... hes red in the face

tries to introduce you to new people to make potential friends since he kinda thinks part of your bloodlust(/j) is from loneliness, which in turn makes people see you as.. mean... so its a loop. he doesnt mean it in a bad way! he just cares about your well being!

overall he secretly thinks its hot but hed rather you stay out of trouble and hed try to find ways to make you less fierce...

Laughing Jack;

like splendorman he thinks its hot but he WILL vocalize it

also he thinks its really funny whenever people try to antagonize you

pulls a bag of popcorn out of thin air and watches the show/hj

he will literally cheer for you from the sidelines and becomes the fights personal announcer

absolutely treats you when you win; showered in praise and love and gifts

hes flustered; depending on what color you think he blushes (personally i think he blushes a purpleish-grey), his entire face is that color when he watches it happen

again, hes really into it

smh ive been on a lj trip these past few days and i hardly got anything for him here god mfing damn!!!!

Hoodie;

ngl he probably throws himself into the fight and yall both kick the shit out of the person

basically think something like this scene (ive never seen jjba my friend showed me this) where he just joins you after watching for a few seconds (we can say the third person is masky/j)

anyways it wont let me move the gif up so pretend the gif is under the above bullet point instead of at the end of this segment

really yall are kinda the same but hoodie is more likely to sit back and access the situation before jumping in and fighting someone unless like. its an immediate life or death thing

now how does he feel about you being a proclaimed badass?

he respects it, and he knows that you can defend yourself when hes not around so it also puts him at ease

maybe you two will spar every now and then to get better at defense and offense stuff (he will not go easy on you btw, bro will give it his all)

Eyeless Jack;

he doesnt really like the fighting since hes also likely the one who has to patch you up afterwards. like even if you win the fight youre still going to be hurt in some way, this applies to all the other characters too. ej is just the only one who has the knowledge when it comes to tending wounds...

with ej, in my au, he doesnt really. like conflict, especially since his own body is changing into something that isnt human; he already has enough on his plate already, doesnt need to go bury an extra body because he let his temper get the better of him

and every now and then, that mindset of avoiding conflict bleeds to how he views you and your attitude

hes happy that you can defend yourself, like hoodie he admires it; but at the same time he gets so scared that youre going to pick a fight with the wrong person or get hit in the wrong spot, and..

he does not pity those who are dumb enough to rile you up, though..

overall he worries for you and already has enough on his plate with himself ... but dont think that he sees tending to you as a burden! hell do it regardless of what caused your injury

possible idea for an angst post? ooo? maybe, if you guys want it

[headkiss]

hi anna!!! i saw you're looking for winter themed requests soooooo

could you do steve or eddie (im obsessed with both) x reader and warming up with hot chocolate after being outside?

its been so cold where i live, around -40 celsius at night and im freezing

hiiii i went with eddie for this one and i hope u like it!!! | 0.6k fluff and r is always cold :D

You run cold.

Eddie’s used to your chilly hands and you using him as your own source of warmth, especially in the trailer where cold seems to seep in quite easily. He even bought a space heater for his room when you started coming around more often.

He’s made room in his wardrobe for your sweaters and pajamas, keeps extra blankets in his room, makes sure his kettle always has water in it in case you want something warm to drink. One less step for you.

With winter fast approaching, you stay closer to him when you’re together, and he has no complaints about that.

You’d coaxed him out for a walk while you were over, despite the fact that you’d be the colder one, not him.

“Babe, it’s freezing,” he’d said.

“So, I’ll bundle up. Please?”

He can’t so no to you, not that he wanted to anyway, so, before he knew it you were out the door. Beanie on your head, scarf wrapped around your neck, your jacket zipped all the way up, and your gloved hand in Eddie’s.

The thin layer of snow on the ground crunches under your boots, leaving two sets of footprints for every step.

You like spending time with Eddie in any way you can—he’s your boyfriend, after all—but simple things like walks feel special, more personal, almost. It’s a slice of domesticity, a sense of calm that you only find with your boy.

Eddie thinks you’re the cutest thing ever, especially buried in layers the way you are, your neck completely covered up and your jacket hugging you. Though your nose is runny and you sniffle every so often, he wouldn’t want it any other way.

He doesn’t let you stay out for long, noticing your shivering even when you try to hide it.

Back at the trailer, he pulls your gloves off for you, cupping your hands and bringing them to his mouth to blow on them, warming them up. He presses kisses to your cold cheeks, and even when his lips are cold, too, they make you warmer.

With your gear off, you settle on the couch while Eddie goes to grab you some blankets, coming back with three just to be safe and tossing one over your lap, one around your shoulders, the other half on you and half vacant for him to come back to.

He hands you the TV remote, “you pick something to watch, I’ll make some hot chocolate. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds perfect, Eds.”

You’ve told him numerous times that you don’t need him to dote on you the way he does, but he likes doing it, wants to, and you can’t exactly stop him when he’s being so sweet.

You hear the clanking of dishes and the sound of the kettle on the stove coming from the kitchen while you browse the channels. A small smile spreads when you hear Eddie humming something in the next room. You love his voice.

It’s a couple of minutes and he’s back, two steaming mugs in hand, “here you go, babe. Did you want whipped cream?”

“Just come sit with me, won’t you? It’s perfect like this.”

“If you insist.”

You hold your mug in both hands while he sits next to you, one of his arms quickly finding its place around your shoulders, tugging you into his side.

“You warm enough?” He asks; his favorite question.

“I’m great,” you say.

Sure, your toes are still a little numb and your cheeks still cold to the touch, but with Eddie next to you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, you think you’re plenty warm already.

[orchidbreezefc]

reposting my old twitter thread regarding venom (2018), which a friend once said should be printed on the back of the dvd case. screenshots aren't working but they'd be redundant with the image ID anyway. if you want the 🌟Full Experience🌟 the original thread is [here].

[1/10] ok i just watched the venom movie for the first time and yall? let me level with you. real talk. full frontal honest hot take.

shit was amazing.

[2/10] like you know that whole shit with video games where people just get so into it and the completionism and the competitive scene and the graphics and whatever and youre like yeah ok but is it like. fun

thats me with venom vs mcu

[3/10] like goddamn. i had fun. i loved it. i saw it and it was an enjoyable experience for me and i liked watching it.

with mcu im all no i get that this is an installment of a series that has a greater overarching plot and shit but like.... am i gonna enjoy it? at all?

[4/10] me looking at mcu movies like am i gonna feel an echo of an iota of entertainment anywhere in my being at any point during this movie or nah?? and most of the time its a solid nah!!! but tom hardy just showed me a good goddamn time!!!!!

[5/10] like man. you talk about disaster characters? i thought i had seen disaster characters. eddie turbofucks his life into the ground with great prejudice. he makes dysfunction an art form. he hits rock bottom and pulls out a jackhammer and thats BEFORE the alien

[6/10] like i spent the front half of the movie going dude. who even allowed this dude to be a protag of anything. who said yep lets make this guy the main character, that seems acceptable

and then around the climax i realized that they HAD to for the plot to work

[7/10] like just imagine how shit wouldve gone were eddie not an eighteen wheeler fucktruck tire fire. if the man were capable of catching a whiff of a phantom of the dessicated corpse of his own common sense none of this would have worked

[8/10] like any human being who is even .0005% more functional than eddie (i.e. anyone on the planet) would not have responded like 'hey actually? i LIKE having this cannibal monster alien controlling my body. i think this is GOOD. im gonna KEEP IT.' like eddie what in the whole fuck.

[9/10] this guy is not even there!!! the whole time!!! nothing behind this dude's eyes. he started dissociating shortly before meeting the scientist lady and he just never fuckin stopped. the lights are all off upstairs. this dude is checked out and he is NEVER coming back.

[10/10] final point the dialogue was just fucking phenomenal start to finish. just absolutely batshit nuts what was coming out of everybody's mouths. and the delivery was stellar, like the wack shit they were saying was completely normal and fine. i'd like to shake that writer's hand

BONUS:

[ID: a graphic that reads, in all caps: "disclaimer: black panther and thor 3: ragnarok are exempt from this statement" and in lowercase: "(captain america 2: the winter soldier you're on thin fucking ice)". end ID]

[definitelynotshouting]

everything i loved and feared (first 1k)

hello scarianblr beloveds this is the unedited very beginning of my completed scarian fic that im posting for the hell of it. fic is 7k rn but that will likely expand after the final draft rewrite<3 so this is just a funky little teaser thats gonna be rewritten anyway, hence why i dont mind sharing.

CWs for: blood, graphic injury, implied character death. Enjoy :]

Grian’s eyes are red now.

It’s an odd color on him– not because it doesn’t suit him, but because it suits him far too well. Like a glove, Scar thinks past the hazy, heady fog settling over his mind. Red like his tattered sweater– like the blood that beads between Scar's neck and shoulder, clouding the water he kneels in. Red like life.

Red like love.

That’s the fog settling thick over his senses. Love, the amalgamation of it, something so beautiful and terrible that anyone else wouldn’t– shouldn’t– look at it head-on. But inside Scar’s chest is a warm purr; he has rolled the die, shown his hand, and now Grian stands over him, vibrating red, red, red. He’s gorgeous like this, all righteous, trembling fury. Scar wants to pull him close and kiss him until they’re both dead.

“You can kill me” he says, and his voice shakes with the cost of this victory. “Grian. You can kill me.”

Above him, an avenging angel falters. Grian’s sword, so swift with its raging swing, lowers by a noticeable fraction. “What? No.”

“For everything you did to me,” Scar says, breathless, “to keep me alive this long– you may slay me, and take the enchanter.” He lowers his head, until his forehead brushes against cool, rippling water. It feels like benediction. It feels like a curse.

Grian will win. It is both the least and most Scar can do for him.

When Grian speaks, his voice is small. “No– no, I can’t. I literally can’t. Scar–”

“Do it,” Scar insists, that eager haze billowing through his veins, unfolding to rest with steady pressure against his bowed spine. Distantly, he wonders why nothing is singing. There should be war horns, trumpets, a blazing, crescendoing melody. Birds, at the very least.

Instead there is only miserable silence.

Grian sucks in an audible breath. “I’m not–” he starts, then breaks off; Scar lifts his head to watch him struggle, how his grip loosens on the hilt of his sword, how his eyes pinch around the edges. Grian flinches, presses his free hand to his head, eyes going middle-distant.

“The spectators want a fight,” he says at last, hollow.

And this is what he's waited for, this moment of realization; the other shoe dropped, the culmination of the game they've waltzed around. Scar smooths his voice, curling it around the two of them with gentle, insistent pressure. “It’s okay, G. You can kill me. You can be the winner.”

For one, long moment, Grian holds his stare, expression flayed open for only Scar to see. Raw and wild, his eyes gleam in the dawning sun– thin strands of hair curl around his ears, damp from their earlier struggle in the pond.

Slow, so slow it’s almost imperceptible, Grian shakes his head. Clenches his jaw. “Scar, they want blood.” Something in his face shifts– some beetled brow, a muscle jumping before smoothing out. He’s shaking: ripples blooming around him as he wavers on his feet, as if adrenaline has finally retracted its claws.

Scar’s shaking too. Even in this, they are together.

Scar opens his mouth– to push, to press, to snap him out of whatever spell holds him in suspension– but Grian beats him to it; his sword lifts from its helpless stance, glittering bright and blue in the sun. His mouth twists, tired affection curling the corners of his lips.

“Scar,” Grian says, “no matter what happens, we can claim this as a double victory. Right?”

The words are a cool caress against his fevered skin. Scar sinks into them, eyes drifting shut– because even now, with victory dancing through his veins, he can’t look Grian in the face when he kills him. “Yes,” he breathes, and braces for the blow, the cut of diamond against his carotid–

It never comes.

Instead, a rush of air as the sword comes down; the sharp, wet schlck of a blade entering flesh; a choked-off, gurgling yelp. Scar’s eyes fly open just as Grian falls to his knees with a splash, and–

And blood is tumbling from his gut in great scarlet waves where his sword is buried, slicking around his hands where he grips the hilt. Grian’s teeth are stained as he grins up at Scar, sharp and feral, eyes alight with more fire than Scar has seen in them since he knelt to die. “You win,” Grian hisses, and shudders, one hand flying out to sink into the silt of the pond they’re both kneeling in. Like a toppling tower, the rest of his body follows suit, falling sideways into bloody water.

The fog clouding his mind is ripped away in one fell swoop. Scar isn’t sure if he screams– all he knows is that one moment Grian is collapsing, and the next Scar is holding him, breath stuttering in his lungs.

“Grian– Grian, no, hang on. Wait, wait, wait, no, no– no, no, no, no. Grian.” His hands find the hilt of Grian’s sword, but make no move to pull it out– that would just kill him faster. It's like he's been punched– the bright, earnest rays of the sun have missed their mark, gilded the wrong death in stunning, flagrant gold. “What are you doing?” he chokes, like that will reverse everything.

Grian was supposed to win. Grian was supposed to be the winner.

“They never said what kind of blood,” Grian says, hazy. His lips wobble. “I can’t– I couldn’t, Scar. I couldn’t kill you.” When he coughs, blood bubbles on his lips. “Sorry.”

“No you’re not,” Scar whispers, fingers shifting to catch in the wet strands of Grian’s hair. “You did that on purpose– Grian, you were supposed to win.”

He’d done everything– cast the die, folded his cards, offered up his life, because Scar knows himself; he could never handle being alone. Not in that emptiness. Maybe it’s selfish, how he’d planned to let Grian take that fall instead– but Scar is selfish. And more than that, he’s in love: awful, truthful, scarlet love, with a man now dying in his arms.

“You weren’t supposed to die,” Scar wails, terror thick in his lungs, despair a weight around his ankle. He leans forward, brushing his forehead against Grian’s, until the trembling puffs of breath from Grian’s lips fan over his own. “Grian– how could you?”

When he pulls back again, Grian grins at him. The sun slips across his face, revealing the pale, faded remnants of freckles scattered over his cheeks. Scar has always wanted to count them. He’s never gotten close enough until now. “Guess I’m just not cut out to be a winner,” he murmurs, one hand lifting to rest, delicate as a butterfly, over Scar’s cheek.

He does not say I love you. He does not say anything at all. Instead he guides Scar’s head down, until their lips brush, the taste of copper flooding Scar’s tongue. Then his hand drops, breath hitching, head lolling back–

Scar wakes up choking on his own desperate scream.

[princessofxianle]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

well THANK YOU for asking, you are the first to!

tbh ive been meaning to do this on my main blog bc I take these wayyy too seriously lol but ANYWAY heres my top 10 faves (in no particular order) that I can think of (tbh theres prob more i forgot about, or i wanted to keep only 1 per fandom... except tgcf)

Huge Spoiler Warning: for ALL of tgcf, 2ha, aot, AND JJK MANGA!!!

1. Feng Xin (tgcf)

do i even need to explain this one? loyal to a fault, just a cute lil puppy, one hell of a sculpted archers back, and he's head over heels in love with Xie Lian (but tbh same) i have a lot of thoughts about him on a daily basis on this blog (and also theres the #fx backstory au tag)

2. Noé Archiviste (the Case Study of Vanitas)

MY BABY

the absolute bestest boy of EVER... with a LOAD of unprocessed trauma (yknow the typical stuff like seeing your childhood bff get decapitated in front of you) and a lot more to come once we find out how he kills his boyfriend best friend, Vanitas...

i ALSO think about him a lot but over on @noes-pillow

3. Sejanus Plinth (The Hunger Games: tbosas)

hated reading as a child... HATED it... picked up the og trilogy when i was 12 and i was a goner. The funny thing is i still hated reading for YEARS up until i picked up the prequel novel then in 2020, and now ive read all of tgcf, 2ha, and more fanfic than i could ever imagine... all because this stupid boy (i love him) chose to trust the WORST person as his friend, rip sejanus my baby

the movie is v good btw, if you havent seen it you should

4. Xie Lian (tgcf)

*Taizi Dianxia Fang Xin Guoshi General Hua Xie Lian*

how this man survived 800 years of being physically unable to die and never went insane is a mystery i will never be able to fully comprehend (aaand im in love with him... hmm i wonder why...)

5. Mihael "Mello" Keehl (Death Note)

the chocolate-addicted blonde boi that was my first anime crush... by proxy I must also add Mail "Matt" Jeevas because they are a package deal

these two are also the reason i started writing fanfic so they will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart

6. Xue Meng - (2ha)

*sigh* he's just everyone's fav peacock (yes technically the image is XM 0.5 but he had a cool ass bird so im using this photo bc its COOL anyway...) mengmeng is another one of my trauma bois who has lost next to everything and yet is STILL kicking ass and taking names #thatsmyfuckingsectleader so proud of you my son

also this might get me into hot water here but imma go ahead and say it...

this is what i wanted Jiang Cheng to be... (i LOVE my angy grape but...) through thick and thin, despite EVERYTHING, and even mo ran fucking abandoning him he will still call mo ran his "ge"...

fgjhdfhfdg THEYRE BROTHERS, OKAY???

7. Howl Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)

ok this one i just simply do not need to explain... if you think i do, go watch this whole movie and then there ya go thats your answer...

GENDER

8. River Song (Doctor Who)

aside from being the character that unlocked my unhealthy obsession with :) Main Character Death :) at the ripe ol' age of 8 YEARS (although Will Turner from POTC also helped on that front... Orlando Bloom my beloved) River's story was a stroke of absolute GENIUS from start to finish and i simply love how Alex Kingston played her...

"You don't expect a sunset to admire you back."

I just love the doomed ones, okay...

9. Satoru Gojo (Jujutsu Kaisen)

look... theres *gojo girlies* uwu and then theres GOJO GIRLIES... i couldn't give 2 shits about how he's fan-serviced (tho im not complaining) but have you SEEN the amount of grief pumped into that man? he could explode in a fit of fucking insanity at literally any moment and take the whole goddamn world down with him bc what happened with suguru WASNT FAIR to him and satoru has more than enough power to go apeshit... but he DOESN'T... even after losing so many of his co-sorcerers... he still puts on a brave face to the end in order to protect the childhood of his students even tho his own youth was stolen from him during hidden inventory...

SEE? The DOOMED ones!

10. Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan)

i read the manga during my last year of uni and when i tell you i SOBBED at the end... yes ofc for obvious reasons, but mostly bc my little Levi loses EVERYTHING. He is the SOLE survivor of the veteran scouts. He's missing multiple fingers, an eye, and the ability to walk. He was the strongest (yowaimo) but wasn't even granted the mercy to die at the end of his narrative! Broke my fucking heart.

BONUS: Morph (Treasure Planet)

he's a morph!!! nuff said <3

fin

[syrupspinner]

i just defeated Hunie Pop

it was a gift

wow this game is SO racist. like, i went in suspecting the female objectification but god damn this game has a weird relationship with race. any girl who isnt white has a line of unique gifts exclusively tailored to their race, except for lola, but she makes up for it by having some of her favorite gifts be a basketball and a watermelon. i guess audrey and jessie are pretty stereotypical white trash, but that doesnt really help the games case

the worst part is im actually kinda into the gameplay. who the hell cant get behind match-3? well, i cant when the recognition system is too slow to recognize my matches. ive had moments where a red circle falls on three vertical red circles, and it just doesnt count as a 4-line. bejeweled managed that in 2001, thats just negligent

its not just a vacuum though, theres also the dating sim and management gameplay! you can buy gifts for all the girls to give you honey, which you can spend on a limited amount of stat upgrades and nothing else. i have 40,000 hunie i literally cant spend. anyway, theres a memorization aspect that actually does a good job at encouraging you to interact with the characters as more than boobs with a smile (as long as the facts are actually character building like their favorite season or their college major, and not literally their boobs).

i think the loop of building stats for the dates and building your relationships with the girls is actually pretty solid. until it stalls out, at least. im in the endgame now, doing nothing but killing time to build relationships with the unlockable characters (yes, all of them at once, that stupid bag of fish just wouldnt spawn until the midgame) and it really makes this games flaws shine. i have more hunie than i could ever spend, money is pretty useless since all i can meaningfully spend it on is food (more chances to talk with girls and earn hunie) booze (makes talking to girls give you more hunie) and gifts (just gives you hunie), so all im doing is fucking around wasting time until momo decides shes ready for another date.

by the way, can we stop with the whole 'born sexy yesterday' thing? momo says shes 1 year old in cat-years or something, but its fine because shes technically an adult (if she even says that much...?). its a total turn-off to try and seduce a girl who doesnt even know where shes from and can barely pronounce alcohol. who wants to feel like such a predatory creep? dont answer that

the game is lame. maybe id get more out of it if i like, understood the appeal of porn games? so like, if im horny, im not gonna fuck around playing bejeweled with my dick in my hand, im just gonna watch real porn. and if im not horny, the whole game is just

audrey im trying to keep my combo going put your shirt back on

the point is that i dont recommend this game. it tries to be an arcade puzzler that cheaps out on the mechanics, a dating sim with paper-thin caricatures, a management game where you run out of ways to meaningfully spend both currencies by the third hour of gameplay, and a sex game where... okay i dont really know what makes a good sex game but i still didnt have fun

[sapphosdickandballs]

heyyyy!!! i saw that you changed ur theme. just wanted to first of all say i loveeeee that shade of green omg. its so cool.

anyway also that ask you sent about reading kiss her once for me- ahhh. im stoked ur reading it!! ellie is such a loser and yeah. i need a jane su/jack (i forget her last name atm whoops) in my life. mostly jane aughhhh... sorry im noooot here to gush abt ols HOWEVER. i get it. 100%. idk i just like- loved them. they were cute and ughhh.

u got any updates w reading???

i just got done reading delilah green doesnt care and tbh. its not a rec from me. im gonna keep my thoughts to a minimum but it felt very bland and like a whole nothing burger with such a... paper thin character veil. i didnt care about the cast at all???? especially not the ship. i did like iris and astrid but damn it just was low key boring??? the sex scenes werent even hot 👎. like okay so not gonna rip on it TOO hard but it's got a cute cover but i didnt find it to be rec worthy nor is it even comparable to any of my other favs. it was mindless, but executed in a way that felt underwhelming. like a different book i read- mistakes were made. which is by an author you recommended a book from. thats a whole nother argument i had formed but that one wasn't good either 😭. sorry but that one suffered from the opposite problem of too much sex and the plot just WASNT compelling. also the characters were awful?? at least the daughter. i hate that she was written as some spoiled child when she was legitimatly a college student. anyway NOT recs. but im indeed interested in giving both of their other books a try??

anyway i really REALLY want to try this one eventually. it looks really good but my libby doesnt have ittttt :(

uhhh another thing is-

i ask of you now- to make a decision on which i start first since you recommended them both to me in that long ask. (thats mainly why im sending this lol i could go either way but would like ur silly input on to choose which path to take first.)

as for the ask you sent earlierrrrr- i might dm u later w a bunch of rambles bc im not gonna publicly ramble in case they ever find this acc but watch out!! i can yap. :3

anyway thats all!!

Oh that sucks about Delilah green doesn’t care. I think that was on my list but I hadn’t started it yet. But I trust your judgment so I’ll prolly take it off

By an author I recced or one of the books I recced? Just curiosu. If it’s an author I recced I’ll make a mental note not to read any more of them

I’ve read til the point they arrived at the mansion and she met boozy in kiss her once for me I’m easily distracted but I will read more soon! I have a bunch of stuff I have to do for uni so it might be a sec. But I will read more I do really like it

ughhhhh the falling in love montage is so. Aughhhh. I love that book. It sucks your library doesn’t have it I read it on Libby so that’s weird. I wish you luck in finding it tho it’s so good

Oh this is hard okay. So something to talk about is very angsty? Like I read it and was yelling at the characters the whole time to stop being stupid. But if you relate to feeling like a predatory lesbian (I do 🙌) then this book will hit. I ultimately really liked it and thought the angst and buildup was worth it

I also really like never ever getting back together it’s pretty fluffy and cute and makes fun of the bachelor type shows which I thoroughly enjoyed cause I watch those shows (guilty pleasure) and it’s dual perspective which I always be eating up. One of the main characters acts like an idiot for a while but then it gets really cute. And it’s not too sex heavy afaik. Neither is something to talk about except for the very ending

Both are good I can’t really recommend you one over the other, so I will just say are you in a more angsty mood or a more fluffy mood

That’s fine lmao that’s why I added the disclaimer of answer in an ask or a dm. I just hate saying you can dm me cause liek. The implications

[skullinahat]

whenever i go font hunting for a project i have a bad habit of downloading fonts i'll never use just because they delight me, so i wanted to share some of them! im pretty sure literally all of them are public domain so if u like any of them pls download them too

for reference to what a normal font looks like, here's helvetica.

now, lets get into my favorites!

This is LT glockenspiel black. just fucking look at this thing. look at it. i love how they didnt really choose a consistent flourish and just go with everything. it feels almost satirically luxurious. 10/10 i try it in my projects whenever i want a laugh

Baymanat. i've got like seven calligraphic fonts like this ill never use and had to throw one of them in her 9/10 its nice

ANABELA. LOOK AT THAT HALFTONE. LOOK AT THOSE WIBBLY LETTERFORMS. WHAT IS HAPPENING 10/10

droog... if anybody has actually used or seen droog in a project show me. now. i have to see it. not only is it a 10/10 unique font deisgn i'll never use it also has a 10/10 name. thats fucking droog all right

Block Out!!! i actually love this font. it's so unreadable in practice but i dont care i NEED to find a way to use it. its so comitted to its gimmick it doesnt half ass any letterform i love it 10/10

monogram fonts are NOT supposed to be used this way but i dont care. look at this. painful. how are you even supposed to use monogram fonts anyway? 10/10

festa!! found this one just recently, it has such futuristic fantasy energy. it just borders on annoyance because of the mixture of circle sizes. never seen a font gimmick like it before 9/10

flegrei. why are there three super thin lines in this entire font and only three 9/10

garish monde. dear gods if i ever need a glitchy eroded font this is what ill use but i really and truly never have 9/10

graphic attitude. this font looks terrible if you do anything longer than a single word but im really really fond of it 10/10

and now we get into kingthings!! this is kingthings facetype, found this through another tumblr post abt it. kingthings was (maybe still is but i dont think so) a super profilic typeface designer with a lot of really weird stuff. im a huge huge fan. they also included a txt file with their fonts that includes a short description of each one and its adorable. here's what they had to say abt facetype.

Kingthings Facetype

I made this font having thought of the name - maybe not the usual way to go about font design. It is based upon Kingthings Exeter and can be used to embellish that font or just as decorated capitals. I enjoyed making this font and it was one of the quickest to do - i just got completely absorbed by the project. I hope you enjoy this daft font!

Kingthings Serifique UL wide. ridicoulous. the flourishes always were a little awkward but on the UL wide theyre obscene. 10/10

Kingthings Inkydinky

I am making a font called Kingthings Serifique (well, that's what it's called this morning) - I got side tracked - again! I was filling and testing fountain pens for the Charity Shop in which I work… Mother always said I'm a filthy Herbert. Doesn't a little Ink go a long way?

Kingthings spirogyra. 10/10

Kingthings Spirogyra

I doodle you know…I remember with wonder, Biology lessons at 'big' school, with Microscopes, and a filamentous pond weed called Spirogyra. There were spirals in it! and a nucleus like a star! and then 35 years later (or so), I doodled Kingthings Spirogyra idly watching TV.

kingthings sheepishly. 10/10 perfection

kingthings tendrylle 11/10 one of my faovirte unusable fonts in the entire world its so amazing in every way

kingthings widow- another 11/10. kevin you are truly my favorite typographer in the whole entire universe

kidskas- ive posted about this font before. look at it again. you need to. its amazing. perfection 11/10

labryinth NF. when in my life will i use this font? no idea. do i fucking love it with my entire heart? yes. look at the curves using half circles to keep the weight. its got two gimmicks and it sticks to them. 10/10

LOSTAR MY BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. all my work has been to legibility focused to use this yet but once i get a project thats more whimsical you fucking know who im trying first 10/10

middle cove beach rocks. 10/10 this font fills me with love i dont think ill ever use it but it has my whole heart

milka aged! i love how soft and warm this font is (: 9/10

mister loopy. when i talk about fonts fuckin commiting to their gimmick, this is what i mean. look at this. this is not a font you just use for a project this is a font you build a project around 10/10

misty candy. 10/10 probably the most disturbing font i have i love how it looks like pre-chewed gum

ocean view initials. 10/10. exactly what it is

tuscan expanded. i love expanded fonts so much. i have actually used this font before and it is perfect for one very specific purpose and thats it

pesagi lemu regular. hate this. 10/10

ponderosa std medium. this makes me laugh out loud 10/10

popstars!! this font is the reason i wanted to make this list its so delightful 10/10

RABENK. ABSOLUTELY UNREADABLY IN PRACTICE BUT HAS ENERGY LIKE NO OTHER. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO THE X. 11/10

i have like four more but i hit tumblrs image limit so i'll be back.

[shalalalalaw]

Wrote a small blurb hurt/comfort for my Guardians and im crying over them q-q

tl;dr Feros-8 stayed on Io at the end of Arrivals and got eaten by the Darkness and later resurfaced on Europa and his Ghost, Mia, took a long time to recover from it. Meanwhile, Schala-2 was the only one who asked friends and the Vanguard to let him go, let him face his fear and his trauma instead of continuing to spiral until he 'fell'. (They are a fireteam/poly partners.)

Feros is still scrubbing dust from between the segments of his toes. An entire week after they came back from the Spire and he still hasn't managed to clean all his crevices, much less their weapons.

He broods over a scout rifle, its varnished wood and polished synth brass covered in dust and all the grime that got picked up by radiolaria splashes all along its length.

He doesn't even hear Schala come in.

Only notices they're there when their thin hands come between the barrel he's polishing and his face.

He blinks at her and puts it all down.

She lingers, hands awkwardly hovering in front of them like they haven't decided what to say, if to even say it.

It's a rare time that he sees her hesitate. 

Apprehension gathers in his muscles as he watches her hands twitch, abandoned motion after abandoned motion. Then her throat lights catch his eye, just for their sudden appearance.

But not even a trace of her raspy voice filters through.

He wipes his hands and reaches for their hands, slowly. Giving ample time to pull back, not let him cut off their 'voice' even for the sake of comfort.

But they don't move, and he pulls them gently around to sit on the couch with him, shoving the low table with his supplies to the side.

He rubs careful circles over her palms and her head slowly hangs. Feros' jaw twists, sits awkwardly against his upper lip. He hates not knowing what to do. 

They sit, knee to knee, in the heady light of noon. The silence isn't a stranger to them, Schala almost never speaks and Feros is more inclined to doing than telling.

Between the two of them, it's a miracle they communicate.

He bites down a bitter chuckle on how all his previous relationships and fireteams fell apart, if they didn't die first, from that same lack, but here seems to work just fine. For all that all of those people were infinitely more talkative than both of them combined. 

He entertains the idea that Schala probably has lived through every single of their interactions over an impossible amount of lives spent together, she might as well know his every thought, so he might as well have no need to speak ever again, and immediately scraps the thought.

'I am human, I can't save everyone. I have to accept that; my mistakes.'

She said that, when he'd told her that chasing after Saint-14 in the Infinite Forest was suicide. And then she chased after him anyway. They did it; Schala and Osiris. But she had just as readily accepted that, this time, they might fail.

He sighs, keeps rubbing soothing circles into their palms and realigns his jaw to sit properly.

"I'm sorry."

It's so quiet, he nearly misses it. Whispered low enough the slight ruckus of the nearest street spilling in from the open window almost covers it.

He leans closer, trying to get a clear look at their downcast face, "What for?"

They pull their hands away, the motions as they form words careful, Not being here

Feros tilts his head at that, "What?"

They repeat the words, forcefully, Not being here

"Where, firefly?"

And there's anger and grief at the choked voice they let out, "When the Darkness came. I let you go."

And it feels like the air was knocked out of him.

He reaches awkwardly to their hands, but they pull back, going through more words, I should have stayed, I should have helped but I just abandoned you, like you didn't matter or I didn't care but that's not true I worry and I care and I love you more than this life will let me and I can't forgive my mistakes, not when it hurt you and hurt Mia and-

And his chest feels constricted, the air cut off, like a fist was shoved through his heart and he can no longer breathe. She speaks like she condemned him, when it was his choice to take the dive.

His hands shake as he slips them over their cheeks, and their hands still.

It had been like dreaming. Letting the cool dark wash over him.

It had him confront so many of his failings. Pahanin, Mare Imbrium, the Gap, letting down Ana, Tevis, Andal, Cayde-

Eris, at least, he knew lived and scorned the fatalism he'd plunged himself in, as he'd gone on to tear down the Crimson Keep and burn clean the Moon's depths.

But he would have never lived through life as it has become now, with Darkness curling fingers in Guardians if he hadn't let the ghosts of his regrets haunt him. If he hadn't let himself go through the Dark like crossing a river.

He knows, Shin would have planted a blazing bullet between his eyes ages ago, if the man had the balls to show his face again, after all the seeds he planted that the Darkness now sows.

But it had been his choice and he would have fought anyone that would have tried to stop him, "I'm not sorry. I would do it again, Schala, again and again and you can't say you let me go. You can't go down that way, please."

And she looks at him like she would break down from the weight of his words alone.

He crushes them to his chest, still missing a breath he can't catch and wanting for the life of him to just take this pain away from them.

"You didn't abandon me, you didn't, I swear to you and the Light and the Dark, you didn't."

They shake against him, small fist weakly grasping at his shirt and he just holds tighter. 

She hiccups and pushes back until she can move her hands between them he looks helplessly as the torrent continues unabated. Hands moving jerkily and sloppy as their shoulders tremble, And I always let you go, every time I let you slip away and you don't always come back, you don't, and it's my fault for not holding on for not saying anything 

"And someone will always say, you did wrong. That it's not how fireteams work and it's not how partners work but that's not true."

And he wills her into understanding, "You have to push sometimes, you have to let others fall, let them fail and yes, it's not your fault, but they need it, to try."

His fingers tighten on their shoulders, "You can't save me every time."

And then they start crying in earnest, crumbling in his arms like a house of cards.

There's no tears that exos truly shed. But the laboured breathing, the choked keening, all the motions and exertions hit the body just as hard. Even down to the lightheadedness from lack of oxygen. 

Feros shushes them, rubbing his hand down their back, and up again. Rocks them gently. He knows that feeling. Tearing you apart from the inside like an infestation. And you have to cut it out.

"Shh, I'm here, I'm always here somehow aren't I? Too stubborn to stay away. Shhh, it's okay. I love, you know that? You always try so hard, I love that about you. Shhh."

It takes time for their sobs to die down. For the trembling to cease. And Feros whispers softly and rubs down their back until they both petter into silence again.

His fingers trail up to her tense neck, pushing carefully into the synthcord muscle and smoothing it out.

He stills when they curl up against him instead of just just collapsing, fitting their head to the crook of his neck. And he holds them, until the sun starts dipping from its zenith and the breeze coming in from the open windows changes direction.

Until his back hurts and his shoulders ache.

He leans to whisper softly in their earwing, "I'll move us to the bed ok?" and waits to feel the nod against his neck to hook his arms under her.

Sheis small, he always forgets.

Small and slight and doesn't hesitate to headbutt people to death in the Crucible, the same way she doesn't hesitate to look down a god and grind them beneath her boot.

Larger than life. More than a single life, especially when she looks at you and sees all you ever were and could be, good and bad. All the times he succumbed to the Dark instead to walking out like he took a dip in the ocean, when entire planets didn't survive it.

And she barely takes up room on the bed as he tucks the covers around them both.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into the sheets. "I forgive you," he whispers against their knuckles as he presses his mouth to them. "Thank you," he whispers when they finally manage to look him in the eye.

[watery-pancake]

breaking the cycle

we text everyday

and call every night

but it was until the other day, when i talked for so long. you never even gave me a response, or acknowledgement. you never apologized, until i was the one to bring it up. the next night, we called for 4 hours, and the entire time you played games. i doubt you ever even noticed when i muted myself. not like it makes a difference, since you ignore everything else i say anyways. ive been distant, but i doubt you'll reach out to ask what is wrong. or even care how i feel.

i realized it when showering. when i was trying to sleep. when i brush my teeth, and when i put on my shoes. you never really cared about how i feel, did you? it makes sense why every argument turned the way it did. i made the mistake of talking about how i feel so you could understand, and every single time it resulted in you getting so angry you'd say something you regret. the only reason you even reached out to me every time was just because you missed the attention and love i gave you. not because you felt guilty or whatever.

we were with my friends and i cut the cake, and i cut the cake for everyone. there were no plates left for me. all you said was to remind me to cut a cake for the parents. you never even noticed i had to go get my own plate for myself. it was my friend who noticed and apologised and felt dumb for not getting enough plates. i felt more sympathy from a friend than you.

every single time after sex, you just go on your phone. i never really minded, since when i asked you said i could cuddle with you and we could look at memes together. but then, now you just hop on games after, leaving me to clean my mess alone and lie on the bed. just like my ex did. if not that, then you would just scroll on your phone and not even acknowledge im there for another couple hours if i didn't say anything. even when i brought it up, you never did anything.

you promised me you would change. and you lied.

so why should i text. why should i call. like i miss you?

when we text, you just want to talk about yourself and couldn't care less what i have to say. when we call, it's about me watching you play games or listening to you talk, but once i do, you just scroll on your phone when i talk or play games. even if you try to tell me that you want me to talk about what's wrong, what's the point? same cycle, you do something shitty, i bring it up, you argue with me and turn it into my fault. i defend and explain what i felt, you say something you regret, and i hang up. then after a couple days, you miss my attention enough to give an on- the- spot apology. then i naturally forgive, and we 'move on'. and by moving on, you continue the same thing, and i love you less. because i never forget it. and you never make an effort to improve on your shitty habits. so why the hell should i even bring up what's wrong?

what, like it'll change anything?

i dont get why i keep coming back. the hopeless romantic that always believes in the love you state you have for me? its probably what you just saw in your ex anyways. you hate my culture, since you make fun of it at every chance. you hate how i was homeless, since you love to remind me every time i say i like any food. you hate how thin my hair is, since you love to bring it up. you hate all my hobbies, since you call all of them dumb and point out every single flaw in them. god forbid i enjoy anything. you hate how smart i am, since every time i make a slight mistake you use it as a chance to make a dig at it or use it to weaponize against me. a slight mistake is overblown every. single. time. you hate how i have no good support system, since what am i supposed to do? go to my boyfriend for love and support and comfort? what an idiot right.

you say you love everything about me, but actions speak louder than words. and im tired of excuses. you just don't like me. you like my attention and what i do for you. you don't like ME.

you know my deepest secrets. you know i've never found a good love. but yet you continue to never be it. never be the one i can lean on. i have no one to lean on. no one i can be vulnerable with. no one who can support me and take weight off my shoulders.

i'm tired of it all.

[devotioncrater]

having schizoaffective makes a lot of things in my life clearer, but the downside to drinking this rare top-shelf Schizophrenia + Bipolar Cocktail is that. well. i don't remember making the drink sometimes. & i'm convinced someone else has made it. and that the bar i'm in is a set for a show with paid actors. & i cant connect with others deeply not because they signed a contract barring it, but because i'm too rotted. & also when i speak i slur my words stone cold sober or they get jumbled without me realizing or i just talk way too fuckign fast & my expiration date is fast approaching. i have visions for my future as a preview into the next episodes. a pole dancing era, a published author era, a fitness era, a thin era. i can't sleep regularly i can't eat regularly i'm terrified to go to a doctor because then i'll be diagnosed with leukemia. im watching porn again but i exit after a few seconds since its not doing anything for me & i really cant get myself off in general anyway yet i am catatonically sexually frustrated so i dropped money on sex toys and now i want to buy wigs and makeup and bdsm wear and get into drag like how i used to so i can escape into someone new. i have to have a routine for everything or else Oh No Don't Even Think About It will happen & i just want my dog again but this is no life for a husky i dont come home most days until 12 hours later he's better off across an ocean in a loving home with my mom's dog. i should make myself smaller before i dare to make myself bigger. i want people to take pictures of me when we hang out but i cant stand the way i look in photos. it's all fucked i can't control my emotions i can't stop being disconnected i can't ever feel human i think there is something wrong with my wiring i look at my palms and see wrongness like they are out of reach and moving without my own input and are not mine. im good with people when im drunk but not too drunk but they say all i do at the bbq is drink and hardly eat but i dont want to be coddled so i dont eat because they kept feeding me and im not a kid if i dont want to eat food since other people deserve it better then stop putting food in my hands and acting exasperated im not a toddler i can get food when i want it im not waiting for an invitation i can decide what goes down my throat and if its wine then its wine and i will not whine when there is no more food left. not sure of myself but im sure enough to know im made in other's image. who am i? is there a self? a ground? or am i just like jupiter? full of hot air and massive? big red angry spot seen millions of miles away? am i cosmic? an other? i keep expecting to wake up in a hopsital bed

[your-iron-lung]

wip whenever?

i was tagged by my dear friend ples @eloarei, and if im understanding it right, im meant to just post some snippets of some wips im working on? maybe say some words about em?

shrugs,

anyway heres wonderwall some wips

no shade chappie 16 wip:

“What’s the situation?” Hopper asked breathlessly as Powell stepped in with him.

“Not sure exactly,” Powell responded, snapping a thin branch out of the way as they passed through the bramble to access the small clearing, “but it’s all kinds of fucked up.”

And it was. 

All around the small, handmade log cabin was destruction. Trees with trunks that had a diameter larger than his arms could encircle had been felled in such a way that made them look like twigs, snapped in half as easily as Powell had just done. Large, ugly scratches lined the splintered trunks in such a way that, to a novice tracker’s eye, they may have resembled a bear’s marked territory. Huge swathes of snow had been displaced into dirty, scattered drifts that seemed to mark a small arena of combat, if the prints in the mud and what remained of the snow was any indication.

Initially confused by what he was seeing, it took Hopper a moment to realize that what he’d originally thought was dirt mixed in with the snow was actually days-old, dried brown blood.

so my interest in st kinda dwindled at the release of s4 (whiiiich i didnt even watch, lol), and then i got really hardcore into star trek. i havent given up on this story, its just.... gonna be simmering on the backburner for a lil bit longer. i never plan for the interim between chapters to be so long but, yknow. sometimes it do be like that

speaking of star trek......

But as he explained it to the genius minds on the bridge, they conclusively found that it didn’t make any sense, even as the computations were handed over to Spock to assess. When asked what it was he could make of Scotty’s experimentations, all he had to initially say was, “Fascinating.”

“Fascinating, yes, of course,” Scotty replied, reading along over Spock’s shoulder as he scrolled through the contents of the PADD. His superior was seated at his science console on the bridge with Jim situated to his left, leaning against the paneling. Kirk had his thumb pressed to his lips in thoughtful concentration. “But we’re going after him, aye? Retrieving the lad?”

“To my knowledge, the dog in question is not a Labrador,” Spock intoned stoically. His eyes flickered through the lines of research quickly, moving back and forth at a speed that Scotty could not keep up with. 

Scotty laughed uncertainly then, glancing at Jim who was also reading over Spock’s shoulder. In the captain’s case, he at least was able to keep up with the Vulcan’s speed-reading, his blue eyes skimming rapidly back and forth as Spock scrolled.

im not gonna give too much away on that one bc i want it to be an EMOTIONAL SURPRISE, but i will say that the working title for it is 'ARCHERS BEAGLE', and it will be set in AOS. probably genfic, but if i can get away with some spirk i will lol

heres another star trek wip i can talk a bit more about.

working title, 'OVERHEAD, THE ALBATROSS' or 'ECHOES'

The away team hadn’t been gone for more than two hours, and had only been sent to perform a rudimentary exploration of the planet’s surface. Initial scans had proven it to have a breathable atmosphere with no sentient humanoid life-forms; on all accounts, it should have been safe. Routine, even, as the away team had completed the first check-in without issue only a half-hour before, but even as Kirk considered this, he’d known planetary scans to be wrong in the past.

Gothos, among others, came to mind. Some days it felt as though a simple smoke and mirror could have fooled a Federation’s sensors, for all they were worth. 

“Kirk here, away team; we read you.” He paused in his return transmission, his initial confusion giving way to concern, and then, alarm.  “Away team, you beamed down with six; only three returning?” 

“Three critically wounded in need of medical,” she reiterated urgently. She coughed wetly, indicating her own injury before she said, “Please, Captain. Hurry.”

“Acknowledged. Hang in there ensign, help is on the way. Uhura will maintain contact with you, and I’ll meet you in transporter. Kirk out.” 

A restless energy overtook him as he cut communication with the wounded crewmember. Uhura immediately hailed the ensign as Kirk began to rally back against the manic thoughts that threatened to overturn his rationality, trying not to think of all the ways the mission could have gone wrong.

Had they stumbled upon a secret, hostile civilization? Were there omnipotent beings lying in slumber that the away team had disturbed, thus earning their ire? A slow-acting toxin they hadn’t scanned for in the otherwise breathable atmosphere? 

Snapping open his personal communicator, Kirk cast his discorded thoughts aside and hailed the transporter room. He spoke brusquely with the chief working the console, relaying the urgency with which the ensign had conveyed unto him to get the three back on board as quickly as possible. 

The bridge crew (with the exceptions of Uhura, who was keeping in touch with ensign Anders, and Spock, who was not there at all) had all grown static as their individual concerns began to coalesce into a near tangible thing, circling ominously overhead like a vulture scouting an already dead thing.

Jim felt its distracting pressure and chose to ignore it.

this one is gonna set in TOS, and will be full of spirk. spock gets injured on an away mission and kirk gets to help him heal, but his injuries arent something he sustained in a physical sense

i even have a (very short) playlist set up for this one, too

anyway yep, those are my big three rn, but i am also stewing on.... some star trek horror......that i have ideas for, but havent written anything about yet

i really dont have any writing friends besides YOU WHO TAGGED ME, so uh...

yep, thats all folks (smile)

[boyfhee]

𓈃 ❝ TO YOU, WITH LOVE . ❞ — lee heeseung !

PRECIS. four months after heeseung's death, you find the tape recorder he left for you ( wc. ≃ 2.12k )

GENRE. angst, minimally fluff, humour in traces

WARNINGS. profanities, angst / bittersweet, lots of flashbacks, death and mourning, mentions of breakup and arguments, crying, mentions of kissing, heeseung is insecure

NOTE. repost yas pls forget the times when i said im tired of hee angst. ps. this was inspired by lang leav's poems so there are several reference. italics text signify the audio / hee's dialogues. happy reading <3

they say relocating and starting over marks a new beginning, or to put in better words, signifies the end of a chapter of your life. you didn’t believe that initially, for new beginnings always commence from heart and not from where you live or what you’re doing. however, heeseung’s death changed that for you. and here you are, four months later, sitting in the living room of your newly bought apartment in osaka with only the setting sun keeping you company through the dreadful silence.

the unpacked boxes occupy almost every corner of the room, telling you to get up and arrange things, but your limbs have given up; partially from exhaustion and partially because of helplessness. but we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever. healing is a slow process, and an important part of the remedy is the will to heal.

so you get up, almost stumbling on thin air because of your hazy gaze, picking up the smallest box and rummaging through the stuff, only to come across a tape recorder you’ve possibly never seen before. there’s a note on top, and it reads— ‘to you, with love.’ it doesn’t even take you a second to interpret that it’s heeseung’s handwriting. an impassive smile makes its way to your lips and here you are, ignoring all the work and sitting in one of the corners as you tune in the recorder.

‘so, you’re out with your friends to shop for your friend’s wedding when you should be with me,’ a tear rolls down your cheeks, the smile trembling as you sniffle, leaning against the wall and closing your eyes. his voice resonates with love. ‘and i’m bored, so this recorder is my last straw.’ and then he pauses, the faint sound of movements reaching your ears. you chortle, knowing he’s probably making himself comfortable on the couch.

‘we could’ve spent the noon watching movies and baking but no, you had to go out with that fri—fuck,’ your eyes shot open at the sound, some profanities escaping his lips as audible through the audio. you presume that heeseung dropped the recorder while using it. after all, he is clumsy. ‘shit, i hope this is still working— yeah it is. anyway, where were we? right, your friend who you ditched me for.’

you chuckle, reminiscing about the mentioned day. you remember it perfectly. well, how could you not; because uncharacteristically enough, heeseung was at the peak of his dramatic behaviour that summer afternoon and despite the fact that you love his clingy personality, he really managed to get on every single one of your nerves. well, that was a typical day for you. hurried mornings, whinings from heeseung, busy afternoons due to work or friends, in some cases. and now that he’s gone, you find it hard getting accustomed to a stagnant lifestyle.

‘talking about friends, do you remember sunghoon? yes, the ice skating fanatic from high school. i met him the other day and do you know what he asked? if we were still together. like, c’mon, we’re in for a long run, right?’

there are days when melancholy settles on you like a sudden change in weather. the kind of sadness that is intangible. like the presence of an ache where you can’t pinpoint where exactly it hurts, you just know it does. hearing those words feels exactly the same. those are the words that were supposed to bind you both forever; the words you would count upon when you’d have an argument with him, knowing you both are eternal.

‘do you remember when we had our very first fight?’ a lifeless laughter rolls off your tongue, spinning in the gloomy atmosphere engulfing the room. ‘it was so pointless. desserts, really? i still laugh thinking about it.’ the heeseung from back then would’ve said otherwise. it was a minute conflict but, maybe that’s how the greater arguments arose. ‘it must’ve hurt, right?’

his voice is no louder than a whisper, voice morphing into much more of an apologetic tone. and you realise— heeseung never properly apologised for your first fight. neither of you did, actually. you don’t mind, really, for the reason behind it was incredibly stupid.

a long silence follows, rather a painfully consoling one. soon enough, the sound of him humming the melodies of your favourite song fills the room, accompanied by your muffled snivels. you close your eyes and let your mind trace over the slightly blurred image of heeseung you see often in your dreams. you let it trace over his shoulders. you take a deep breath, and try to put those dark thoughts aside. a smile climbs up your lips.

loving heeseung is a wild ride. it’s like your eyes met his’, and the stars sighed in admiration. when you kissed him for the first time, your body gravitated towards him like those rides at the fun fair, where you’re spinning so fast that the motion fixes you to the wall. love chimed in your laughter, in the sense of wonder you found in each other. if you had your doubts, then time had told you otherwise. you and heeseung were a symphony of melody and melancholy, but it takes two to sing a duet.

‘remember when we fought and you left to live with your parents for a whole month? that was hell for me.’ you want to tell him that it was hell for you too. even though it was you who suggested that you both should take a break, you’ve spent nights spilling tears on your pillow, living on the edge with your mind contemplating you to call him. ‘the day you left, i went through all my old journals, frantically looking for my first mention of you. i know it sounds stupid, but i was scared. what if you never return— that was my first thought.’

‘people are right when they say we don’t know what we have until it’s gone and god, those thirty days made me realise how important you are to me. i know i can be a handful at times, and i end up lashing out for no reason at times. goodness, i wouldn’t even date myself but you, yn, thank you for choosing to stay.’

it was your second anniversary when heeseung had the worst breakdown. he had woken up from a nap, exhausted with puffy eyes due to the soccer match lost the same morning. he thinks it’s embarrassing to cry, heeseung believes it makes him look weaker than he already is. he hates to have you console him, wiping tears off his cheeks, cradling him in your arms like a toddler. heeseung doesn’t hate you, he hates how you were always there for him when all he ever did was give you a mere half of what you gave him.

heeseung believes there’s penance in yearning. there’s poverty in giving too much of your heart. when your desire for another is not returned in equal measure— nothing in the world could compensate for the shortfall. sometimes, the loneliest place to be in is love. between all the memories, through hugs and kisses, amidst all the i love yous that were shared, he knew you’re too for him. so, heeseung gave you numerous opportunities to leave; to hurt him like everyone before you did. but instead, you’d hold him dear, a little closer to your heart every time you hugged, a little deeper into your mind everytime you kissed, as if you were telling him to blather about his insecure mind that kept nagging him regarding all the things he couldn't do and, you'd explicate how exquisitely it told him lies that he believed.

you sniff, wiping tears with the sleeves of your clothing, wondering; ‘what about people who do know?’ because you knew. you knew you loved heeseung more than anything else, knew that he was your world— and still is— and good god, you tried your hardest to hold onto him. little by little, corner by corner, even if all you had was a fragile thread to tie your heart with his, you did. you never took a damn thing for granted; not him, not his love, not his antics— nothing. so, losing him, you wonder, isn’t it so much worse for you?

‘i’d like to marry you, someday. as in, soon, very soon. and it’s not only because i love you. it’s because i don’t think i can love anyone else the way i love you. besides, the thought of a mini you running around the house doesn’t sound bad.’ your eyes flutter open at his confession, tears resting on your lashes like pearls shining in moonlight. you could feel his lovestruck smile from the words he recorded.

heeseung loved kids, always. if there was a reason why you’ve spent your sundays looking after your cousins— on popular demand from heeseung, of course— it’s because he loved spending time with them. the sound of tiny feet pacing up and down your house, innocent giggles spinning in the air along with heeseung’s poor jokes. ‘you’d be the best dad,’ you remember telling him, and you could’ve sworn, heeseung’s eyes shone brightest then.

he says it’s ‘the heeseung effect’ because coincidently, even your neighbour's son has heeseung’s eyes. same colour, same passion, it reminds you of him. apparently, you’re his favourite after his mother. you were heeseung’s favourite too, after his mother. it’s sweet, but it hurts so much because there’s a glimpse of him in everything around you. you see the stranded pieces of memories floating by in every thing, and the worst part of holding memories isn’t pain, it’s loneliness. because memories are supposed to be shared, and you’re all by yourself.

‘i’m running out of things to say,’ he sighs, another trail of silence following. you’re running out of tears. ‘how did i manage to have you love me, yn? you’re too good for me, gosh, i don’t deserve you, not at all.’ your heart escalates a little, hands dying to hold his face for the last time and tell him how wrong he is. heeseung looks down on himself, but you want to hold him close, cupping his cheeks as you plant soft kisses on his face, telling him that behind his precarious mind, there’s a murmur of love. you want to trace his cold fingers with your lips, reciting tales of all those moments he made you feel like the happiest person alive. you want him to know that he holds your heart in his trembling hands, and you feel safe. his touch is sweet like honey drizzled strawberries, kisses like the first blooms of a cherry blossom.

you want to tell him that even if he feels like he doesn’t deserve you, he has you nonetheless. he always did, even when the world wasn’t. you don’t know where it comes from, all this love that you possess for him. you don’t know where to put it now that he's gone.

‘can you promise me one thing?’ your ear perks up at his request, though of no use now, probably. ‘promise me that you will never settle for less than what you give. i know i shouldn’t even be talking about this but yn, you deserve the whole world, even more. thank you for keeping up with me, tolerating me; thank you for not leaving like everyone else. and if you ever choose to leave, promise me that it’ll be for someone better than me.’

last night, you had a dream that felt like a memory. like a glimpse of what could’ve been crossed signals from another life. where instead of all this, you had heeseung. life was exquisitely simple, and you were desperately happy. just when you have convinced yourself that you’ve learnt to live without heeseung, you’re pulled back into the endless spiral of all the feelings you harbour for him. he’s someone you keep in your heart. settling for someone else isn’t even an option; loving someone else isn’t even a possibility. because you can tell that you only love once. anyone who claims to have loved twice in their life— they have not loved at all.

‘and i promise i’ll be there for you no matter what,’ he whispers and it feels as if he’s right next to you, holding you into a warm embrace, whispering sweet nothings to you just the way he did. another tear traces down your cheek, the sound of shuffling shoes emerge from the recorder, marking your arrival from. you hear him shift on the bed, and he mutters a last message before the tape goes silent. ‘let’s make it till forever.’

just like that, lee heeseung breaks another promise, leaving you with a broken heart, and the tears come back.

taglist in the rbs.