#anyway again; goodnight tumblr <3 hope the rest of you sleep well when you do

[ectoplasmer]

goodnight tumblr i'm gonna pass out thinking of my fictional boyfriends

[lowkeyorloki]

Goldfish

Pairing: Loki x Mobius

Rating: Teen and up, but nothing more than a couple kisses

A/N: Hiiii sorry I’m never on here anymore I’m a bit busy and I don’t have time to post consistently on tumblr if I want to keep updating my multichapter! I know this isn’t my usual content but I’m posting it on my ao3 so I figured I’d drop it here as well ^.^ it’s funny, I don’t even ship lokius but I saw some fanart on twitter of them hugging and it just... inspired me. If this is your thing, I hope you enjoy <3

~

It’s just that… Loki knows it will have to be him.

He can’t read Mobius, not like he can every other human he comes across. Or being, even. Mobius has seen every moment of Loki’s life, some of which Loki himself will now never live out or understand. Mobius has watched Loki in his most private moments.

It makes the TVA agent inescapable. He knows Loki, truly knows him, whether Loki likes it or not. 

And so Loki can’t tell with Mobius. The small exhaled laughs or the allowance of Loki to fix his tie. Loki doesn’t know if Mobius does these things because he wants to, or because Loki would like to think the other man wants him to. 

And Mobius is loyal to the TVA, anyway. Even if he were to look past all of Loki’s faults, even if Mobius were to see Loki as anything more than a pain in the ass of a friend, he wouldn’t do anything. It was controversial enough to bring in Loki at all.

Loki should be thankful he has Mobius in any capacity at all. 

And so Loki knows he would have to make the first move. And he can’t do that, because Mobius is possibly the only person who could destroy Loki with a simple rejection. 

Loki keeps quiet, and lives for when his shoulder brushes Mobius’s in the elevator. 

~

Trying to find the variant is exhausting. Mobius is on his seventh cup of coffee, and his head is starting to buzz. Not the good, productive type of buzz either. The type that makes someone need to lay down. 

Apparently, Loki has already had that idea. Mobius glances at him, asleep across the table and surrounded by books and loose papers. As he drains the last of what’s in his cup, Mobius realizes he hasn’t seen Loki eat or drink a single thing since he got here. If he had to, Mobius would bet money the god hasn’t been sleeping either. 

Mobius stands up, his back cracking when he does. He groans - Mobius is getting old, something he’s noticed more and more lately. He walks around the table until he’s right next to Loki, ready to wake him up. Loki’s breaths are even, hitting the ends of a few pieces of paper. Mobius has never really seen him like this - calm, subdued. He almost looks peaceful. Mobius leans over Loki, hands on his hips as he examines the other man. 

Mobius would never tell Loki, but it is obvious that the dark-haired man is a god. There are just things about his looks that clue Mobius in. 

Loki’s skin, even as it’s gotten dull with his time in the TVA, is technically flawless. He glows, even in his embarrassing or rude moments. His cheekbones are impossibly sharp, and his lips are the reddest Mobius has seen. He would guess they’re soft. 

Loki’s hair was the most dead giveaway. It always looked perfect, loose curls that seemed to suck in any light. It was the opposite of Mobius’s graying blond hair. He’s shiny. Everything about Loki is shiny. 

Loki stirs, and Mobius straightens up, not wanting Loki to see him watching. He was upset enough that Mobius has watched his entire life over. 

Mobius ponders how to wake Loki up when a lock of his black hair falls into his face. Without thinking, Mobius reaches forward and tucks it behind the man’s ear.

Reckless. Loki really does start to wake up then, and Mobius swats him with the corner of the folders in his hand. 

“Come on,” Mobius says. “We’re not even close to done.”

~

The two of them are so close to making strides. Loki is smart, just like Mobius knew - just like he keeps convincing Ravonna - but he’s being held back. It’s like a single wrong look could make Loki wither away, be absent for the rest of the day. Mobius has no clue how someone who thought so highly of himself could be so affected by the glare of a random agent. Maybe Mobius didn’t know Loki as well as he thought. Only in small ways, though. 

And Mobius still hasn’t seen him eat or drink a damn thing. 

He stands up abruptly, surprising Loki. His head shoots up, perfect curls becoming loose and falling in his face in the process. Mobius almost considers brushing them away. 

“Come on,” he says, gesturing towards the exit. Loki narrows his eyes.

“We haven’t even been here four hours,” he says, which is generous, because they both know they’ve only been there for two. Mobius lets out a harsh sigh. 

“Am I the supervisor or are you? Let’s go, Loki.” Loki seems to know Mobius is doing him a favor, and stands up as well. Loki follows him down a new set of hallways, stands next to him in an elevator he hasn’t been on yet. 

“Am I to take it we’re breaking the rules, or…?” Loki trails off in a way that is anything but unsure. 

“It’s for the sake of the cause,” Mobius says. “We don’t need to address it directly.”

Mobius does look over his shoulder when he gets to the door, and locks it as soon as they’re both inside. He flicks on the lights, and Loki looks bored. Mobius lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you. Sit down,” he gestures towards the couch. 

“Agent Mobius, are you allowing me in your home?” Loki’s eyes glint. Despite himself, Mobius finds himself relieved to hear Loki making quips again. He already might have more energy. 

“Hey, if we don’t talk about it, my job security looks a lot better,” Mobius sets a bowl down in front of Loki. “Will you please eat something? God or not, I don’t know how you’re still alive after a month.” Loki presses his lips into a thin line.

“Mobius, I appreciate the gesture, but you don’t need to -” Mobius is already prepared, and tosses a piece of food directly into Loki’s mouth as he speaks. He makes a gagging noise, and looks at Mobius furiously, but the other man is already laughing. 

“What… what are these?” He asks after swallowing, seemingly admitting defeat. Mobius laughs again.

“Goldfish. They’re from Earth you know,” Mobius eats a few, and quietly celebrates when Loki does as well. 

“Goldfish. I know of an employee you have that might benefit from these,” Loki tells him. 

“I’m flattered you think I’m anyone’s, especially Casey’s, superior. But really, the only person I’m in charge of is you,” Mobius says. Loki glares. 

“I’m always ten steps ahead of you all. Surely you know that,” he says, but it’s non-committal. Mobius can tell. 

“Yep. You’ve said before, handsome. This is all part of your plan.” Mobius looks to Loki for his next retort, but Loki doesn’t say anything. He stares at Mobius with an unreadable look on his face, and Mobius realizes his slip up. Handsome.

“Hey, don’t let my crackers go to waste. They’re hard to get a hold of around here, you know,” Mobius says, and Loki seems to move.

They stay like that for awhile, Loki sitting as Mobius watches over him. Mobius is just getting comfortable again when Loki gets up.

“It’s been great, but we probably should be heading back now,” he says, walking towards the door. “Wouldn’t want the timekeepers finding out about this, would we?”

Mobius stops him, carefully telling him to wait. Loki does, back facing him.

“I can tell you’re tired, Loki. I get it. You got here just after a war,” Loki tenses, just barely, at the mention of New York. Mobius talks faster to smooth it over. “I think you can take a day off. Better for me anyway. I don’t want to be sticking my neck out for someone who isn’t even helping all that much.” Mobius puts his hand on Loki’s shoulder. 

He’s always shocked by the amount of muscle he can feel through the material of Loki’s shirt. Loki seems so lean, but whenever Mobius touches him, he can feel how solid the other man is. He likes it. It’s soothing.

Loki turns around, looking suspicious. Mobius doesn’t blame Loki, but he does almost feel guilty. 

Almost.

“You can sleep here. Not just today. I’m sure the cot they have you sleeping in hardly compares to whatever you had on Asgard,” Mobius steps away, letting Loki go and waving his hand. “My couch doesn’t either, but it’s an upgrade for sure. Living room is all yours, buddy.”

“Where are you going?” Loki asks. Mobius looks at him. 

“To my room. I’m tired too,” he says. Loki blinks. 

“Won’t someone notice I’m not where I’m supposed to be?”

“I’ll take care of it,” Mobius says dismissively, even though he has no idea how he’s going to pull this off.

He’s practically made Loki a promise at this point. He’ll figure out how to make it all okay somehow. 

~

It’s driving Loki insane. 

Before, he could keep it all in because he was scared that Mobius wouldn’t want it. Wouldn’t want him. But now, there are moments that Loki doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that Mobius might push him away, give him that disapproving look if it meant Loki could just…

Kiss him. 

Loki scoffs at himself. He didn’t even get this caught up in the thought of a kiss as a boy. It was pathetic to feel like this in adulthood. 

What’s even worse is the thought that maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. He can recall watching Thor on Earth as he followed around Jane Foster, losing every bit of charm that kept him so popular on Asgard. At the time, Loki didn’t understand it.

But now he does. 

Everything is so high stakes for him - Loki is doomed if he doesn’t do as the TVA wants, and he would have been doomed had he just stayed on Earth like he was supposed to. But he barely even pays attention to those things.

Every waking moment is about Mobius. How he looks in the morning before he showers, hair tousled as he digs around in the fridge. The way his face lights up when he and Loki almost find the variant, and then the inevitable disappointment when they don’t. How every night, without fail, he tells Loki goodnight as the god falls asleep on his couch. 

Loki is starting to think there is something here. Because he’s paranoid, but not stupid. Mobius wouldn’t be letting Loki get this close if he thought the same way as when they first met. 

They enjoy each other. Mobius likes to lead, to rebel in the way he’s been given permission to. And Loki is realizing he doesn’t mind following a man like Mobius. 

~

Of course, the TVA isn’t so bad either. 

The organization itself, Loki hates. He’s never met the timekeepers, but they sound like kings. That was a group Loki never got along with. 

But the buildings, the center, was growing on him. Even if he wasn’t allowed access to most of the materials, Loki likes the library. He enjoys staying deep in the bookshelves, and bringing a stack out to drop right on the book Mobius is reading. Loki likes the elevators, which seemed to be the few minutes he could simply stand in silence and rest. He likes Casey too, though he tends to leave the poor, sad man alone now. 

Most of all, Loki likes the long hallways that rarely had anyone but him and Mobius. They feel private without being stifling. Sometimes, when the two go back to Mobius’s apartment too early, Loki feels sick. Like it physically hurts to be so close to having what he wants.

~

“That brown suit is hideous, you know.” Loki tells Mobius as they’re both getting ready. Mobius scowls at Loki.

“It’s uniform. You know, if everything works out, you might get one just like it,” Mobius retorts. Loki scoffs. “Alright then, mr. prince. What would you have me in?”

Loki stops, his eyes trailing over Mobius as he thinks about the question. Loki smirks, turning around as he grabs his belt.

“Anything else. You always look so uptight. No one here knows how to let loose a bit.”

“I’m uptight. That’s a good one,” Mobius says. He’s standing by the door, wanting to leave. “Could you hurry up and put your pants on? We’re late.”

All Loki is doing is tucking his shirt in, but he thinks he can feel Mobius looking. It’s in a way that doesn’t seem strictly observational. 

~

The nightmares, of course, are an issue. 

Loki hasn’t shared a room since he and Thor were children, so no one knows about the night terrors he gets. Maybe Mobius does, having had a glance at a few as he watched Loki’s life play out on the screen. But Loki doesn’t think so, because Mobius has never said anything. 

But of course, Loki has to ruin that. He wakes up with a shout that echoes off the walls. He slaps a hand over his mouth, then pulls it away, sticky with sweat. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose when Mobius bursts into the living room, slamming his hand over the light switch to turn it on.

“I’m sorry,” Loki says immediately, squinting at the brightness. “I didn’t mean to be so loud. I know you would get in trouble if someone were to find me here.”

“You.. I’d…” Mobius blinks, still half asleep and trying to figure out what’s happening. “Loki, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Go back to bed, Mobius.” Loki leans more into his palm, cursing himself for letting this happen. If Mobius knows Loki like he claims to, he should just go.

Mobius stays in the doorway, and Loki can practically hear the gears turning in his head. Mobius sighs.

“Look, I’m not gonna ask you what it was, but… why don’t you sleep in here for tonight?” He gestures behind him, presumably towards his bed. Loki raises his head, looking at the other man.

Mobius looks sincere - painfully so. It seems like he doesn’t know what’s going on or what he should do, but he also looks like he just wants Loki to listen. 

Loki gets up, folding the blanket on the couch before he follows Mobius. Loki crawls into the bed after the other man, staying as far away as possible. He expects Mobius to say something else, but he doesn’t. Mobius just sighs and yanks the blanket towards him. 

~

Loki wakes up feeling amazing. 

He feels rested, warm and heavy as he stirs. The room smells like sleep, and Loki can’t help but raise his arms above his head and stretch. That’s when he feels something on his chest. Loki opens his eyes, peering down. Mobius’s arm is slung over him, the other man still asleep. 

Loki doesn’t move, trying to figure out how asleep Mobius still is. He wonders if they can stay like this for a few more minutes. 

He doesn’t take the chance. Loki gets up, quietly leaving so he can take a shower in the bathroom where his toothbrush sits next to Mobius’s. 

~

Mobius doesn’t like this shift in his feelings. 

He liked thinking Loki was all bravado with no depth. It was easy to separate everything that way. What was work, and what wasn’t. What mattered and didn’t. 

What was ethical or not. 

Being around Loki so much was making Mobius like him. Even worse, care. He started to dread rewatching certain scenes from his life to look for clues that might tell him where other Lokis are, because Mobius can see the effects of it all now. They’re playing out in front of him, sleeping on his living room couch. 

When Loki wakes up from whatever he was dreaming about, Mobius feels sick. He doesn’t even think about the fact Loki’s cry is loud enough to get caught - literally does not even occur to him. His only thought is, what now? What could possibly catch up to you here?

After Loki lays down in his bed (which was easier to get him to do than Mobius thought), Mobius listens for his breathing to even out. Then he reaches over, resting his arm on Loki’s chest. Mobius falls asleep making sure Loki is still breathing. 

~

Mobius notices the way Loki looks at him. The realization makes Mobius think about the two of them. What it would mean. 

It hasn’t even occurred to him to look at Loki like that, not seriously. Loki is an asset, so Mobius built up a ton of walls for the sake of professionalism. You know, for his job. Mobius is aware of Loki’s attractiveness because he has to be. It’s part of the reason all these Lokis get away with so much. 

But after that night Mobius begins to look at Loki because he can. And then he realizes he’s been doing that all along. 

“You know,” Mobius tells Loki the next afternoon. They’re in the cafeteria, and Loki is eating everything in his salad but the cherry tomatoes. “It might be better if you stay with me again tonight. Like you said, we wouldn’t want any of my neighbors to pick up on anything.” Loki raises an eyebrow, carefully setting his fork down. Mobius clears his throat.

“No need to be embarrassed, partner. I’m told I have a soothing presence.”

“I absolutely would not say that,” Loki says. “But… if you insist. After all,” Loki’s eyes glint. “You’re in charge.”

Mobius doesn’t know what to say to that, and drinks a cup of water in just one gulp.

~

And they settle into it. Loki doesn’t sneak out of Mobius’s arms, in fact, he actively seeks them out. Only once everything is quiet and the lights are out, but still. Loki tucks his head under Mobius’s chin, Mobius wraps his arms around Loki’s torso, and they both like it. A lot.

They don’t mention it ever, but it doesn’t seem like something they aren’t allowed to talk about. It’s just part of the routine. Shower, study, search, eat, get in bed. It’s nice. 

At some point, Loki realizes this is the longest he’s stayed in one place for a very long time. 

~

Just like Loki thought, he’s the first to do it. 

They’re in the elevator, and it’s taking a particularly long time, and Mobius decided to stand closer than he needed to and Loki just… kisses him. 

The best part is, Mobius doesn’t even seem surprised. He opens his mouth when Loki bites down on his lip, and he holds on to the lapels of Loki’s jacket and Loki cradles his face. Everything is so familiar, so natural, and Loki can’t help but smile against Mobius’s stupid mustache. 

And then Loki pulls away. Mobius doesn’t say anything, but he gives Loki a sad smile. Loki feels his blood run cold. 

“What?” He asks, and suddenly, he feels like a child. Like Mobius knows something he doesn’t, and now Loki is going to be chastised. 

“Nothing,” Mobius says, but that’s obviously not true. He sighs. “It’s just… that can't happen again.”

Loki stares at Mobius. “Why?” He demands. “Did you like it?”

“Yes,” Mobius says. His hands are resting on Loki’s waist, but he slides one over Loki's stomach. Mobius’s fingers find their way through the holes that the buttons of Loki’s shirt leave. The feeling of Mobius’s fingers on Loki’s bare skin make Loki dizzy, and confused. 

“Then why can’t we do it again?” He asks, wanting to rip Mobius’s hand off of him, but unable to bring himself to. Mobius grimaces. 

“Loki... Isn’t what we got goin’ enough?” Loki is cool under Mobius’s fingers. No more than anyone else though, even with his frost giant heritage. “C’mon, Loki,” when Mobius glances at Loki, then immediately looks away. The sight of Loki’s disorientated face, combined with his mouth slightly ajar… it’s too much. “You know if it goes any further one of us will screw up. I’ll even say it’ll be me. But someone would notice. It’d be impossible for them not to.”

“But… you’re the one who started this,” Loki protests, and he’s right, because Mobius is the one who brought him into this whole mess. The TVA, his apartment, his bedroom. It’s all been Mobius. Loki never asked for any of that. 

“I know,” Mobius says, and he sounds like he’s sorry. “Listen, I know. I’m sorry. We can’t have it all, but if we keep going the way we have, we can still have some.”

Loki steps away, and Mobius’s face falls. He looks more angry than sad. 

“I think I’d like to go back to my cell now.” Loki says. 

~

Loki doesn’t actually go back to his cell. But he does sleep on the couch again, and refuses to touch the Goldfish Mobius leaves out.

Mobius feels like a dick, but he’s also sort of pissed. He’s not happy about this either, and if Loki wasn’t always so selfish, he would see that Mobius also isn’t prancing around in happiness. 

“I’m not like you,” Mobius tells Loki the next morning. “Look, I can’t just… rebel. It’s not a luxury I’ve been afforded.”

“I’m glad that after seeing my entire life and death, you’ve settled on the word ‘luxury’ to describe it,” Loki responds angrily, and Mobius just backs off. He knows he won’t get anywhere with Loki, not like this. 

~

Watching Loki close himself off is… exactly what Mobius would have thought it would be. 

It’s exactly the same as when Loki arrived at the TVA, he’s just less defensive. Loki is just as mad at everyone else, but with Mobius, Loki doesn’t even give him a reaction. He does exactly what’s asked of him, no more and no less. 

Mobius misses him. 

Loki is just across the table, but Mobius misses their rapport. He wants to tease the god again, hassle him as they make their way to the cafeteria. Mobius wants to listen to Loki talk about Asgard, tell him all the little details that can’t be picked up on a screen. He wants his friend back. 

And now Mobius isn’t sleeping, either. He grew used to Loki’s head resting on his chest, the feeling of his hip in his hand. Mobius thinks about the skin of Loki’s stomach, how everything in the elevator felt. 

It was like Mobius lit up. He felt alive again, with free will and all.

But of course, Mobius doesn’t have free will. If he did, he’d pull Loki into the elevator himself, and show Loki just how much wanted this too. 

~

It hurts because Loki knows Mobius wants this. 

It’s almost worse than if he didn’t - because Mobius liking, wanting, and maybe even needing Loki back, it makes him like everything else in Loki’s life. Loki is so close, he can reach it, even hold it in the palm of his hand. A life with Mobius, at least for the time being, would be exactly as it was before the argument, except more so. Just a bit more. 

Loki can’t take it. He feels like he’s going to vomit every second of the day, because his life is a vicious cycle and coming so far just to be thrown away.  He takes long showers now, the stream of water being the only thing that can drown out his thoughts. Loki almost doesn’t see Mobius as he steps out of the bathroom, drying his hair. 

“Loki,” the other man says, and his tone is so grave that Loki stops. 

“Mobius,” he responds. “Do you need something?”

“I… I wanted to apologize,” Mobius takes a step forward. “For what I said.”

Loki tilts his head. “For which part? I recall quite a few things.” A look of exasperation passes over Mobius’s face. Loki hates to admit it, but the look is relieving. It makes everything seem less serious than it is. 

“What I said about not being like you,” Mobius explains. “Look, I know you’ve felt alone your whole life. And the way I said that, I don’t feel good about it. I’m sorry.”

Loki blinks, then throws his towel in the hamper. 

“It’s fine,” he says. Mobius shakes his head, stepping even closer, and Loki raises his eyes. 

“No, Loki, it’s not,” Mobius reaches up, running his fingers through Loki’s damp hair. “I lied,” he murmurs. “I lied to the God of Lies. I am like you, Loki. I’m your kind. I know Lokis, so I know who you would have been. But this you?” Mobius places his hands over Loki’s hips and pushes, pressing Loki’s back against the wall. “I’m still getting to know who you are now. And I like you, Loki. I really do.” Mobius stares at Loki expectantly. Loki swallows, resting his hands on Mobius’s shoulders. Mobius is softer than Loki is, and it makes Loki’s mouth water. From here, Loki can see every wrinkle and gray hair that Mobius has. He’s painfully human. Loki closes his eyes, leaning forward to press his lips against Mobius’s temple. 

“Do you mean it?” He asks. “Will it stick? Are you going to call it all off?” At this angle, Mobius can reach Loki’s neck, and he begins to suck on the delicate skin there. Loki lets out a moan. 

“I can’t promise we’re gonna get married and be together forever,” Mobius teases Loki lightly. He runs his tongue over Loki’s Adam’s Apple. “But I’m not gonna stop just because of the TVA. You.. you’re worth more than that.” Mobius slides his palms under Loki’s shirt and up his back, and Loki melts into him. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Loki says, because that’s all there is to say. He trusts Mobius, Loki realizes. He wholeheartedly does. 

“Loki,” Mobius says, exhaling. “Can I touch you? Do you want me to touch you?”

Loki straightens, catching Mobius’s eye. 

“Yes.”

[aitarose]

hi! i’ve been so inactive lately and wanted to post something today, and i realized i haven’t made an appreciation post for my moots in a hot minute—so hey hotties, here’s some cute words about uu. oh and this isn’t all of my mutuals, just the one’s i’ve spoken to outside of the discord lol asjfdkl

@hesthermay —❥ you’re one of my best friends and ilysm and i hope that we get to meet in person one day, so you can endlessly hear me talk about how much i love jimmy woo. also i want to get matching marvel bracelets or smth, gonna look on etsy later for us ajskdlf

@probablydisgusting —❥ you’re like actually so funny and sweet, whenever you pop in the gc on snap just to say goodmorning or goodnight—it really makes everyone’s day and we love having you around. plus, you were one of the first people to pop into my inbox when i was an atla blog and i think that’s so nice.

@imarizaki —❥ i literaly love you sm mari, like you’re adorable and i want to give you a hug, i feel like you give rlly good hugs. and congrats on 400!! you deserve it and i hope 500 comes rolling around fast so you can hit another milestone in the near future ajskfdl

@tsukishumai —❥ cam i swear i know your name like I SWEAR I DO! you’re like an older sister to everyone in the discord and you bring such a comforting presence like it’s so nice to have you in the chat whenever you choose to pop in. you’re quite literally the calm to our insanity

@fukurodianthus —❥ dani you’re asleep rn but when you wake up and see this i want you do know that ily wifey. pls i love it when you harass me in my inbox, i think it’s so funny AND IM GOING TO FLOOD YOUR’S EVENTUALLY I JUST NEED TO BECOME ACTIVE AGAIN ASDJKL

@missmorosis —❥ you’re literally one of my favorite moots ever and you’re always so sweet to me and everyone else around you, it’s so heartwarming to see your positivity and happiness on tumblr and how hard you work! pls ilysm

@ray-ofmoonlight —❥ I LOVE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THE BACHELOR. i haven’t responded in a hot minute, but dw i’ll answer in a bit i have to go through my messages jaksfld. you’re so nice and fun, and literally the sweetest ever

@diorzumi​ —❥ hi rheya! i’m so glad you took the time and all that hard work to make the server, like that’s insane and i still can’t believe you did all of that. pls the amount of effort you put into keeping it up is so evident and amazing!! also ur rlly pretty, like RLLY pretty

@luvoikawa​ —❥ gigi!! my face literally lights up whenever i see you in my notifs or on my dash pls. i love your energy sm and the presence you bring to the discord. like idk, you just seem really cool to me, does that make sense? like you have cool girl energy.

@sugas-cookie​ —❥ hello rissie. you should be sleeping rn, but ily and you’re my favorite and only child, and no matter what i say i would never bring you back to the ditch. but like...the frogs? i fucking hate the frogs, abolish all frogs they make me physically cringe i cannot.

@kei7ime​ —❥ CHLOEEE!! every time i see your theme i feel so satisfied, like it’s so pretty it rlly is. you’re so fun and i love talking to you or just popping in your inbox to say hi. omg hi chloe!! ok ok ily

@pxnk-velvet​ —❥ angie your drawing of us are so cute and i love them sm, and i can’t wait to read the story that you’ve been writing of our gc as a volleyball team, like pls i’m so excited. also the line “just shut up already, angie” lives in my head rent free

@miyalove​ —❥ hi dylan! i haven’t popped in your inbox in a while but i just wanted to tell you that i love u and you’re so nice and sweet and ilysm. you give off hot girl energy dylan, like for real, you rlly do.

@iwaizoom​ —❥ HI JADE. you’re so nice and your blog is so pretty, like the light green jaskljl PLS ITS SO PRETTY. i love the vibes you give off like you’re so chill and so easy to talk to sjakljdkl pls ilysm

@kageyuji​ —❥ lore i love you. like i love you. every time i talk to you i just feel happy like idk it’s this overwhelming feeling, you just have this gift where people feel comfortable when they’re talking to you. and your blog is so pretty pls asdjl

@hikariakaashi​ —❥ you’re one of my favorite moots, firstly bc of our interactions on tumblr in the early days of the discord and now on snap too. you have rlly good style, like rlly good style—and whenever you do your voice asks, your voice is like rlly pretty! girl you have a rlly pretty voice!

@ceci-chan​ —❥ hi twinnie! pls i think it’s so funny that we have literally the exact same nose, that’s actually wild. it’s so fun to watch your blog grow and your events are so cute and ily

@nekomabvc​ —❥ i buried you in here so you’d have to search for your part. literally going to say nothing i’m tired of writing about you goodbye. you called me a whore this morning. that’s not very swag of you, i’m going to report you to mab and cancel you on corpse tumblr.

@bellesowl​ —❥ hi isa! we haven’t interacted all that much, but in the times we have you’ve been so kind. and you’re rlly pretty, just sayin. you’re blog is also super aesthetic and i literally live for it, pls the muted tones are everything ajsdlk

@gellysticks​ —❥ angela pls you’re actually so funny like you’re so funny. every time your tiktoks come up in my suggested they literally make me laugh pls—but the frogs are terrible. abort frogs. this is a frog slandering blog. me and all my homies HATE frogs.

@cafemiya​ —❥ issy you give off such hot girl energy (and you are a hot girl anyways) and your energy is so contagious, like idk how it just is. you bring this positivity to the discord just by being there and i know everyone is so thankful that you’re so interactive with us jaskfdl

@biqherosix​ —❥ DANIZA I HAVEN’T OPENED YOUR SNAP YET BUT I RLLY WANT TO HEAR YOUR BAND PLAY. pls that’s literally so cool, like i wish i was in a cool band with my friends jsakdljkl. i love talking to you and we’ve been friends for like a good three months now which is crazy

@velvetfireworks​ —❥ rach i literally never read fics but yours are so good and they live in my head rent free. PLS THE SAKUSA ONE FOR THE BROKEN HEARTS CLUB AUDHS. you’re so nice and so talented and i reread your masterlist OMG I JUST REMEMBERED THE MOB AU ONE THAT ONE IS PERFECTION.

@hajiswife​ —❥ hi gabbie! your blog is gorgeous and your so nice pls!! like i literally can’t believe we’re mutuals it hits me like a brick. i love your works and your energy sjaklfdjl i’ll probably be popping in your inbox later just to say hi lol

@svgashi​ —❥ NIKE!!! omg we’re literally sister wives. you’re the first moot i had on tumblr that understood how great sugawara is and it’s like a breath of fresh air from the constant slandering my friends give him. ILY

@sexy-bee-juice​ —❥ aja!! i love getting your messages and just saying the most out of pocket things with you, and your reblogs make me laugh so hard like you’re rlly funny. also my broken french is terrible but i’m glad it makes you laugh ajskfdl

@koutarousangel​ —❥ MICKEY PLS YOURE SO FUNNY. I LOVE YOUR VIBES AND EVERYTHING LIKE YOURE FUNNY. and ily too. just putting that in there in case i haven’t said it in a while <3

@hvnlydmn​ —❥ hi ains! congrats on 5k!! that’s literally so insane like omg you must be reeling rn jadskfl you really really deserve it tho, everyone sees how hard you work and how much content you produce in such a short amount of time CONGRATS ILY

@akaashi-bby​ —❥ victoria you were the first person i talked to teen wolf with in like three years pls. i’m listening to a song from the show atm and it’s making me sad but ilysm and i love talking to you about literally anything

@laineywritesstuff​ —❥ LAINE!! hi! you’re so pretty like you look like you give the warmest hugs and i feel like if i ever met you in person i’d just get engulfed does that make sense? you’re so nice and ilysm and i hope you’re have a fantastic day!

@kiyoalex​ —❥ you’re rlly funny. like rlly funny. and i feel like we match each other’s energy pretty well in pms. pls my insanity is too real back there BUT IT’S OK I THINK BC YOU SEEM TO UNDERSTAND IT LOL ILY

@shoutamajiki​ —❥ hi nana!! you’re so nice and i’m so glad you joined the discord! and i’m so sorry i added you to my terrible private story on snap pls it’s so bad i’m very very sorry about that jksalfjdl

@sunacity​ —❥ nea i love your works so much like literally they LIVE in my head. you’re so talented and i can’t believe we’re mutuals that’s literally insane bc i love your stuff pls. and on top of being talented you’re so nice, like the nicest jaskdflj i can’t

ok ok i think that’s it for now, this isn’t all of my mutuals—but it’s the one’s i interact with the most and if we are moots and i didn’t include you pls my inbox or pms are always open to just like go insane in. ok have a great rest of your day!!

[aspiring-ginger]

Of All the Stars in the Sky (Jaskier x Reader)

Request:  Yay! So happy your requests are open! I love your wriring. Can you please do something with Jaskier? Maybe reader has been trained with a sword most their life and travels with Geralt and Jaskier. He could write a song about the reader (very original haha) or reader gets hurt and Jaskier worries for them. I don’t know, thank you ♡

Summary: Geralt & the gang are on their way to Vizima when some trouble brews outside of the city gates. Suspicions rise when the reader doesn’t show up to the New Narakort Inn as planned.

Warnings: Strong language, violence. Nothing unusual for the Witcher.

Word count: 5,808

Pairing(s): Jaskier x reader

A/N: Here ya go, anon! I got carried away and couldn’t choose one of the two options, so I just did both. Almost 6k haha. Reader’s gender wasn’t mentioned so I did my best to keep it gender neutral. I took some inspiration from The Witcher 1, as well as the Carnal Sins questline from The Witcher 3. Also thanks to my best friend for helping me write this (she doesn’t have a tumblr or I’d tag), thanks bb!! Some of you wanted to be added to my taglist so I’m going to do it by fandom, character, and series. Please specify which you want to be tagged in or else you’re getting everything lol. So anyone who commented on Forget-Me-Not chap 1 is going to be just for that series, unless you said otherwise. Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy this one! As always requests, comments, and feedback is always appreciated. Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Taglist: @dandelionwitcher​ @thunderdog8​

Masterlist

There was a simple comfort found on the open road. Surrounded by nature untainted by man, nothing but earth and sky around you. Everything raw and untamed just as nature intended.

It was here out in the open where you found yourself currently, head resting on your bunched up cloak propped up on a log, angled up at the sky. Geralt and Jaskier were around somewhere, each tending to his own business. Geralt had been holed up in his tent, most likely replenishing his stock of potions and elixirs after your last hunt.

Geralt had learned quickly that any and all alchemy was to be done privately in his room or tent, away from Jaskier’s prying eyes. You had only been travelling with the odd pair for a few weeks at that point, still unsure of the limits and boundaries you had with the two. You had been sitting with them close to the small campfire Geralt had set up. It was a warm night, the boys both shedding their outer layers and rolling their sleeves to get as much air as possible. You were intrigued by the witcher’s alchemy as you had never seen anything quite like it before. Sure, you’d seen your share of healers’ work but this was something else entirely. Apparently neither had Jaskier, as he was avidly asking questions and inching closer by the minute. It wasn’t long before Jaskier’s relentless inquiries turned to bickering, and whatever unfinished concoction Geralt had been making was spilled. The ground sizzled when splashed, as did the boys’ exposed skin. While you pitied them both for the chemical burns, the rest of the week had been pretty entertaining. Stock full of pouting and theatrics.

You snickered at the memory as you stared up at the night sky. Jaskier’s childish actions that week had really brought the three of you together, and solidified your part in the rag-tag team. You had come to the rescue when ambushed by bandits later in the week. Geralt was unable to defend both himself and the bard given his current injuries, and you had swooped in at the last second deflecting a blade aimed at Jaskier’s throat. After that moment you had decided to stick with the boys for good.

“What are you laughing at? Something funny in the sky?” Jaskier teased, propping himself up against the log next to you.

You hadn’t heard him approach, jumping slightly at his words. He had been washing up at the nearby creek and you weren’t expecting him to be back so soon. The fresh smell of his soap- a mixture of sandalwood, sage, and a sweet fruit, cherry maybe?, hit your nose as he nudged your shoulder with his and laughed.

“No, just remembering something funny,” You smiled.

“Oh? Would you care to share? Geralt’s ‘locked’ himself in his tent so I could use a bit of a pick me up.” He teased, stretching his arms behind his head to mimic your position.

You jokingly hummed in thought, “Remember that time with Geralt’s potions and you managed to burn right through your shirt? What, a year ago now? You demanded extra special care for your 'terrible wounds’ that whole week! I swear I thought Geralt was going to tear your head off.”

“In my defense, that had been one of my favorite shirts from home, which was absolutely flattering by the way, and they really were terrible wounds! I seem to recall you coming to my rescue- my knight in shining armor with her noble steed,” He giggled and dramatically draped a hand over his forehead.

“I’m sure Blueberry just loved carrying your spoiled arse around,” You snorted.

Jaskier scoffed, “Blueberry and I have become great friends since then. She adores me!”

You heard your mare snort as if in response, and the two of you dissolved into a fit of giggles and laughter. You wiped a stray tear from your eye and sighed. You turned your head to look at the bard

“We’re finally headed back to Vizima tomorrow. Are you excited for a real bath and a soft bed?”

“How could I not? One can only travel on the road for so long before needing a well earned refresher. Even the witcher has his limits,” You hummed in agreement. “Besides! I’ll be debuting my newest song. This one will be a hit, I’m sure of it! Even better than the last!”

“Really? Even better than Toss a Coin?” You raised a brow in mock surprise.

“Let’s just say that I have a better inspiration this time around,” He turned to face you as well, throwing a wink in your direction.

You let out a nervous laugh and prayed to Melitele that the darkness around you hid the blush that dusted your cheeks. You cleared your throat and pointed up at the sky, hoping to change the topic.

“Do you ever get lost in the beauty of the stars? We see them every night, yet each time I look up they almost take my breath away. I get dizzy just looking at them all.”

Jaskier let out a low chuckle, “Wonderfully spoken, (y/n). Mind if I use that in a song?”

You rolled your eyes “I’m being serious! I just don’t understand how something so beautiful just goes unnoticed by so many.”

You heard Jaskier hum next to you and you glanced over to see his reaction. His face and body was turned to face you, a small smile gracing his cheeks. Firelight flickered in his bright blue eyes and you were overwhelmed with the scent of him again. Seconds ticked by as you were pulled in by his gaze. You could’ve sworn you saw his eyes dart down to your lips. His face was so close to yours, you just wanted to reach out and brush his still damp hair out of his eyes, pulling his face close so you could-

You awkwardly cleared your throat, sliding yourself away from him before you could do anything foolish you would regret.

“I um, I-I’ll see you in the morning, Jaskier. Goodnight.” You scooped up your cloak and scurried over to your bedroll. Seeing as how you only had two tents between the three of you and you quite enjoyed the weather this time of year, you offered Geralt and Jaskier a tent each. You cursed yourself and you turned away in your blankets, trying to ignore the bard across the camp.

Jaskier sighed and called his goodnights out to you and Geralt as well. He glanced up at the stars with a wistful smile. It would only be one more day, maybe two, before he could finally follow through with his plan. He had connections with the New Narakort Inn where he arranged your group’s stay in the city. Hopefully by then he would have the lyrics finished and ready to perform. His previous attempts at flirting had failed to get your attention, so as a final resort he devised his whole plan to perform his new song to you, as a confession. 

He climbed into his tent, pulling out his notebook and scratching out a few words with a sigh. He made a note to mention your love for the stars, and you technically didn’t say no to his request to quote you earlier. He pulled out his lute and rehearsed the melody of the song, mumbling possible lyrics under his breath. You smiled as you rolled over, Jaskier’s calming chords lulling you to sleep.

You woke as the first rays of sunlight began to peek through the trees above. A light fog had settled in around you, refracting the light around you. It was quite pretty, actually. You sat up and stretched your arms out, then ran a hand down your face when you faltered. Looking down in confusion, you saw an extra blanket pooled in your lap. One sniff and you identified it as Jaskier’s. Since when did he wake up early? You supposed it had gotten a little chilly during the night, but it was spring after all. You wanted to enjoy your time outdoors before the heat would put you in a sour mood.

You sent a nervous glance at the two tents opposite you, pausing to listen if the occupants had woken up yet. Satisfied when you heard silence you pulled Jaskier’s blanket up to your chest and took a deep breath. You couldn’t hide your smile at his sweet gesture and a quiet giggle escaped your lips. You laid back down all giddy, burying your face into his blanket. It wasn’t long before you drifted back to sleep.

Jaskier emerged from his tent later that morning. Geralt had already started packing his things away, giving him a nod in acknowledgement. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out an apple and tossed it at the bard. Jaskier caught it, buffing it against his shirt before taking a bite. He wiped juice off his chin as he walked up to the witcher. Geralt raised an eyebrow at him with an amused smirk. 

“What, is there something on my face? Bad bedhead or something?” Jaskier tutted, placing one hand on his hip.

“Really, Jaskier?” Geralt responded not bothering to elaborate, but inclined his head in your direction.

“Wha-?” He faltered, “What are you talking about, Geralt? It’s too early to decipher your broody minimalism,” He swallowed thickly, fidgeting the apple in his hands.

“Thought your spoiled arse would be cold sleeping without a blanket.” Geralt shrugged, hiding a smirk. He left the bard sputtering to come up with an excuse.

Taking Geralt’s cue that he was done with the conversation for now Jaskier took another bite and sighed. He forgot about the witcher’s heightened senses and would have to be subtler in the future. He was pretty sure Geralt already took him for a fool, but he’d prefer not to fan the flames any more. His head shot up realizing that you could’ve heard their conversation, wincing at his carelessness. His shoulders slumped back down when he saw your still sleeping form. Seems like Geralt didn’t wake you on purpose. Ha ha, very funny.

He quietly padded up to you, careful not to make any sudden movements. You had his blanket snuggled right up against your face, a small smile gracing your features. Jaskier couldn’t help but grin as he felt his heart squeeze at the sight. He gently shook your shoulder and called out your name.

“Wakey wakey, sleeping beauty! We’ve got quite a day ahead of us. Up and at 'em!” You squinted your eyes at Jaskier for disturbing your sleep. He laughed at your pouting and strolled away to pack his things.

You stared forward for a few moments waiting for your brain to fully wake up. Your eyes shot open wide- you still had that damn blanket pulled right up to you- and you quickly shoved it off. You winced and hoped you didn’t look too silly in your sleep. You packed your belongings as well. You certainly didn’t feel like a sleeping beauty as you smoothed your rumpled hair back down.

When you had everything stuffed back into your saddlebags and pack, you went to greet Blueberry with her morning pets. It seemed Jaskier already beat you to it- he was feeding her the remnants of his apple and running his hand through her mane. He muttered praise under his breath as he untangled knots with his fingers. You swallowed and paused to gather your thoughts before coming any closer. If he kept this up any longer you just knew you wouldn’t be able to concentrate with his hands around your waist for gods know how many hours until you arrived in Vizima. 

You slung the bags around Blueberry’s back and gave her a gentle pat, giving Jaskier a curt smile. 

“I don’t feel all that great, so you can go ahead and take the reins today,” At least that way you would be able to hide your face if you were embarrassed. “And that way I’ll have better access to my sword. You know, in case monsters or bandits or something,” You justified. You didn’t know who you were trying to convince more- you or him.

You turned on your heels and briskly walked back to your spot. You felt ashamed that you let yourself get carried away with your thoughts. Stupid girlish thoughts. You sighed as you strapped on your light armor. You were a fool to hope Jaskier was anything more than a friend. You double checked your sword- inspecting the blade before sheathing it at your hip. You restrung your shortbow and slung it over your shoulder, and secured your small quiver at your hip. Bandits often patrolled the roads close to the city. Geralt would hear anyone coming way before you, but you wanted to be prepared.

The ride in was mostly uneventful, you spent most of your time dodging Jaskier’s lute case every time he whipped his head back to say something to you. You hadn’t been fast enough the first time, and he and Geralt would not let it go, relentlessly teasing you for being bested by a damn lute. At first it was funny and you laughed along with them, but after the 8th or so close call it got old fast.

You parted ways with Geralt and Jaskier at the city gates, following your usual routine. You would check the outskirts for work for either Geralt or yourself. You often took on hunting jobs or other contracts that didn’t directly involve monsters, since that was obviously Geralt’s area of expertise. Geralt would check notice boards within the city while Jaskier would secure room and board at the best inn he could find that would let him perform. He would take care of Roach and Blueberry and by the time he was done, you and Geralt would return and discuss your findings. Dividing and conquering was your best strategy to ensure you made the most coin you possibly could. 

As you slid off of Blueberry’s back, Jaskier informed you to meet at the New Narakort Inn. It was unusual for him to be so prepared, but you shrugged it off as perks of being a bard/entertainer. It didn’t take long to find a notice board in the outskirts. Most of the papers posted were generic notices to the public- “be wary of the merchant with the red hair, don’t give yer money to a witch!” Or complaints of missing livestock- completely useless. There were two promising notes, however. One claiming that Old Farmer Ned’s goats were being slaughtered by terrible beasts. You pocketed that one for Geralt. The other asked for a good amount of venison for some nearby butcher. You tore that one off for yourself.

As you perused the board in front of you, you paid no mind to the villagers milling about. You did begin to take notice as a commotion started to your left. 3 burly men dressed in matching rags and similar tattoos surrounded a young elven girl with their weapons drawn. She clutched a covered basket close to her chest and sobbed. One man held up his blade while the other gestured for the woman to hand the goods over. You couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying, but you guessed the elven woman was begging to let her go. An uneasy feeling settled in your stomach as you glanced around to see if anyone else around noticed what was happening. You frowned in disappointment. Men and women rushed past with heads down ignoring the scene, some even cheering on the men and calling out racial slurs. The first man had stepped even closer to the poor girl, his sword held against her neck as the other men jeered. You sighed and rolled your shoulders back. There was no way you could let this happen, not when you could do something about it.

In the blink of an eye your sword collided with the first man’s, pushing it away from the woman. You held an arm out to her and gestured for her to get behind you.

“You know, you shouldn’t take things that don’t belong to you. Apologize to the woman and walk away,” You threatened with a snarl. The girl ran behind you and clutched your sleeve in fear.

The other two men laughed and pointed their swords at you, the first one just rolled his eyes, “And what are you going to do about it, elf lover? You gonna stand up for this nonhuman filth? We deserve that basket. It should be ours. And once we take it, we’ll get to have our way with her. You want that too, you little shit?” He sneered.

You spat at their feet and swung your sword to disarm the man, kicking him in the groin. He crumpled to the ground as the other two stepped forward, swords swinging. You dodged one and parried the other. They circled around you into a flank position. The second man lunged at you. You stepped back and grabbed him, using his momentum to send him crashing into his buddy. The first man stood up and began to reach for his sword. You turned, smacking the butt of your hilt against the back of his head as he bent over. He collapsed back to the ground with a thud. 

The third goon shoved the second off with a grunt and came charging at you, empty handed. His fist smacked right into your chest knocking the air out of your lungs. You hunched over and gasped. The goon saw this as an opening and raised his leg to kick your face in. Your eyes trained on the ground saw his leg lift up, and you took this opportunity to sweep his legs out from under him. He fell to the ground and clawed at your leg. The other man came at you with his sword. Your blades clashed as you shook your leg in an attempt to get rid of the fool at your feet. With a strong kick of your leg, you forced your foot into the man’s face. You heard a sickening crunch and he screamed in pain. With your foot now free, you turned your attention back to the last man standing. You parried blow after blow, the man relentlessly swinging at you. He was quite sloppy, and you quickly found an opening to disarm him as well. You held your blade against his neck, drawing a bit of blood. The man trembled and raised his hands in the air in defeat. 

You spat in his face and shoved him to the ground, “You and your friends can go and fuck right off. Next time you think twice about who you’re robbing.” You drove one more kick into his stomach for good measure. 

The man scrambled to gather the other two thugs and their weapons before scampering off. They called out slurs and insults as they left but you paid them no mind. You bent over to pick up a jar that had fallen out of the woman’s basket. She had just been carrying groceries home. 

You turned around and offered the jar to her with a smile. She stared at you with wide eyes before thanking you profusely. She pulled you into a hug with a sob, choking something out about the kindness of some humans. You awkwardly patted her on the back and placed the jar back into her basket. She started to take out her coin purse insisting on payment but you just held up your hand and shook your head. There was no possible way you could ever take her coin. All you had done was step in to help a woman in need. Just doing what was right. You told the woman this and she responded with another sob. She shook your hand and hurried away with a wave.

You sheathed your sword with a sigh. The villagers avoided your gaze and went out of their way to give you a wide berth. At this point you just desperately wanted a bath, good food and drink, and some quality time spent with your friends. You went and picked up the notice you dropped by the board before you stepped in to help. All you had to do was speak to the butcher to negotiate pay and the amount of meat needed. Then you could finally head into town.

The sun was setting by the time that you made your way past the city gates into the Temple Quarter. It had taken much more time to track down and speak with the butcher, and you hoped that you had enough time for a quick soak before Jaskier’s performance. Even though you’ve heard him play countless times before, you couldn’t miss even a single performance. Seeing him lute in hand playing for so many people was simply put, a breathtaking experience. He was in his element, oozing confidence and charm as he circled the room singing his heart out. Faces in the crowd smiled and cheered along with his songs, clapping and raising their mugs in approval. Every time he would glance back at whatever table you and Geralt had chosen, your heart felt as if it was about to burst. He always looked you in the eye and winked before turning back to the crowd and each time the butterflies in your stomach went crazy. He was so happy and pure and every time without fail, he took that moment to acknowledge you. 

Even just thinking about him made your cheeks flush as you walked through the slums of the city. It was only a few more blocks until the Trade Quarter, where the New Narakort was located. You smiled as you saw the torches of guards posted at the gate over the top of the hill. You were so lost in your thoughts as you approached, that you failed to notice the shadow lurking in an alleyway nearby. It darted out as you walked by and grabbed you. A hand was clamped over your mouth before you could cry out and you were dragged back into the alley. The hand released you and you whipped your head around to identify your attacker. A strong blow to your face left you spitting up blood with a groan.

“Serves you right for helping out that disgusting nonhuman, you piece of filth!” You recognized the voice as one of the thugs from earlier.

You opened your mouth to respond, but instead a strong kick to your core knocked the words right out of you. You took blow after blow, spitting up blood when you got the chance. There were at least the same 3 men from before, but you were so disoriented you couldn’t even tell. They paused every so often to let you catch your breath and try to fight back before kicking you down to the ground again. Kick after kick after kick you struggled on the ground. There was a sharp pain in your right thigh as, what you guessed could only be, a dagger drove straight into your poor leg. You screamed out in agony and suffered another blow to the head. Each attack seemed to be growing in power as you clawed at the ground to try and escape. A sob escaped your lips as you felt the slash of another blade across your back. The men around you cheered and laughed, all taking part of the fun.

“You don’t mess with us, you elf loving whore!” The main attacker cried. With a laugh his final blow to your head had you seeing stars, and the world faded to black.

When you came to, you were alone. the moon was already high in the sky, and you couldn’t make anything out in the alley around you. You groaned in pain as you tried to sit up to assess your wounds. The dagger that was plunged deep into your thigh was still there, stopping most of the bleeding. That was good, but every time you even shifted, you cried out in pain. You had to take it out but you didn’t have any of your supplies on you, you left it all packed on Blueberry. The cut on your back scabbed up, but you probably opened it back up by moving around. Your whole face felt swollen, and you tasted blood. You were sure you looked like absolute shit.

You struggled to stand. Leaning heavily against the wall, you spat out more blood. You shuffled against the brick wall, hands clawing any groove you could grab just to pull yourself forward. You manage a couple of steps before you collapse down the ground. Fuck. You didn’t know how far you could go in the state. You let out a frustrated sob. Would Geralt and Jaskier be able to find you in time? Did they even notice you were gone? Your thoughts were racing as you heaved yourself up once more. You banged your leg against the wall and yelped- your vision going fuzzy for a moment. If you could at least drag yourself out of the alley, maybe there was a chance a guard would find you?

You heard footsteps approach and winced- were those thugs coming back for more? You looked up and saw a silhouette of a man.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help.” You heard a soothing voice call out. You groaned and shifted against the bricks. “I saw what you did earlier, outside of town. You helped one of my kind. I wish to repay this kindness.” He stepped closer and slipped an arm around you, holding you up so your weight wasn’t on your injured leg. 

“Please, save your energy and don’t speak. My name is Palmar, I’m a trained healer. I’ll take you back to my house to patch you up. Do you live here?” You shook your head, “Are you here alone?” You shook your head, “We can send word to your companions once we get you safe. Is that alright?” You nodded. You then lurched forward, Palmar holding you up.

The journey to Palmar’s small house went by in a blur, the pain in your leg too strong to focus on anything else. When you arrived, he laid you down on a cot in the main room. It was small with only a fireplace, a table, your cot, and a hallway visible. Once you were propped up with pillows, Palmar lit the fireplace and several candles throughout the room to provide light. You finally got a good look at your savior. He was tall and scrawny, dressed in a simple shirt and pants. He looked young, maybe 30 years you guessed. The top of his auburn hair was pulled into a bun while the rest hung down to his shoulder. He caught your gaze and smiled, warm brown eyes filled with warmth.

“I assure you, I have treated many wounds like this. You are in good hands. I told you my name, but I’m afraid I didn’t catch yours,” He strode around the room, gathering various vials and bandages.

“(Y/n). I travelled here with a witcher and a bard- Geralt of Rivia and Jaskier. I was supposed to meet them at the New Narakort.” Your voice was raspy and strained.

“The New Narakort? A fine establishment. I’ve heard their stew is to die for,” He smiled again, undoing the straps of your armor and weapons. “I’m afraid this is going to hurt. Like a bitch,” He chuckled “I’m going to pull the knife out on the count of three, alright? Ready? One, two-” you braced yourself for the pain, crying out as he yanked the dagger out early. Palmar quickly cleaned out the wound. With the knife gone, he helped you strip down to your smalls. He cleaned and dressed the rest of your wounds, muttering words of encouragement as he went. As the pain finally began to lessen, you felt your eyelids droop with exhaustion. Palmar let out a small chuckle.

“It’s alright, my friend. You can rest. I will go fetch your friends while you sleep.” You furrowed your brow at him, not understanding why he was being so kind.

“I don’t understand, why are you helping me?” You forced your eyes open. You didn’t want to fall asleep without knowing the answer. Palmar helped you back into your shirt and lay comfortably on the cot.

“As I said before, I saw what you did for that poor woman outside of town. You stood up to those humans. No other human would’ve stepped in like you did. I am grateful. I was walking home when I saw those awful humans leave the alley and my gut told me to check it before I continued home- and I found you.” You sighed, happy with his answer for now. You couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer so you snuggled closer to the blankets. As Palmar stood to leave he whispered, “My daughter was killed by that very same gang. The one you stood up against. This was the very least I could do to help.” You slipped into a dreamless sleep.

You felt a clammy hand grab yours, and another shake you awake. You opened your eyes to a bright blue pair looking down at you in worry. Jaskier. 

“Oh, thank the gods. Geralt, they’re awake! Oh (y/n), you have no idea how worried I was for you! We waited at the inn and when it got dark and you still hadn’t shown, well Geralt said not to worry, but I just knew something wasn’t right! You’ve never missed any of my performances. I couldn’t let you break your streak, so I waited for you. And waited, and waited. Then this lovely man showed up and- gods! I’m just glad you’re alright,” Jaskier rambled, squeezing your hand tighter and tighter with each word.

“Jaskier, I’m okay.” You squeezed his hand back with a smile. 

“Blueberry is waiting outside. We’ll take you back to the inn.” Geralt said as he gathered your things and carried them outside.

Jaskier said something to Palmar in Elder as he helped you out of bed, which he responded in kind. You made a mental note to ask Jaskier about it later. They exchanged a few more words, and soon they had you out of the door and on Blueberry’s back. Palmar shook your hand one last smile and thanks before you were on your way. Geralt lead Blueberry by the reins while Jaskier walked beside you, his hand coming up to nervously rub you calf. On your uninjured side, of course. 

Your friends slowly lead you through the streets of Vizima, right to the New Narakort. Jaskier helped you inside and to your room while Geralt took care of Blueberry. Jaskier fussed over you, helping you wash your hair and settling you into bed, fluffing every pillow in the process. He bid you goodnight with a squeeze of your hand and blew out the candles, but he hesitated at the door. 

“Jaskier? What’s wrong?” You asked, voice laced with worry.

“You could’ve died. They left you in that alley to die and I could have lost you,” Jaskier choked out.

“Julian. It’s alright. I’m alright. I’m safe now. Don’t worry.” He snapped his head up when you called out his real name.

“(Y/n), I always worry. Every time you go out with Geralt on a hunt, or when you pick up odd jobs around towns. I worry. I’m always going to worry about you, because you’re my friend. Actually- hang on a minute. I’ll be just a moment!” He rushed out the room in a flash. Your heart ached at his words. You’re my friend. Just a friend. A bittersweet smile escaped your lips. It was obvious just how much the bard cared for you, but it still wasn’t enough. You sighed, swallowing back tears and waited for him to come back.

Jaskier was true to his word- he was only gone for two minutes at most. He burst back into the room, out of breath with his lute in hand.

“(Y/n), the reason I couldn’t have you miss my performance is because of my new song. Remember? I’ve finally finished it, and I couldn’t have you miss it, because…” he faltered, hands wringing nervously, “I wrote it for you.” You looked at him in surprise as he held the lute up and began to play. The melody was beautiful. It was somewhat familiar as you had tried to eavesdrop whenever you could in camp, but you had never heard the words before. He sang about a fierce warrior with (h/c) hair shining in the sun as they defeated their foes, their bravery and kindness unmatched. The beauty of their laugh and smile was enough to turn the heads of everyone as they walked into the room. Their love of the stars in the night sky, 'each time I look at them, they take my breath away’. He was quoting you, in a song he wrote for you. No, wrote about you. He wrote this song about you. Tears sprang up in your eyes as you came to this realization. Jaskier’s fingers slipped as he saw your reaction.

“I-it’s horrible isn’t it. I figured. I should’ve waited a bit longer- practiced it more.” He groaned, running his hand down his face. “(Y/n), I’m sorry. Obviously I need to work on this one a bit more but.. you have to understand that you almost died. I wrote this song and you almost died. I had to play it for you before I would lose the chance because… because (y/n). I love you.” His piercing blue eyes were filled with hope as he looked into yours.

“Julian- I love it. It’s beautiful and I love the song and I love you too,” your words were all rushed together- you couldn’t get them out fast enough.

Jaskier launched himself at you, careful of your wounds, and embraced you tight. You breathed in his familiar scent. 

“So since you love me back, does that mean I get to kiss you?” He asked with a smirk, legs straddling your own.

“Oh come here, you,” you laughed. Your hands grasped the sides of his face and pulled him close. You could feel his hot breath against your lips as he hesitated, before he pressed his lips against yours. Your eyelids fluttered shut in content. If this is what it took to finally be with your favorite bard, you’d do it a hundred times over. Now you could finally call Jaskier your own.

[occasionally-writing]

Lay Here With Me

A/N: Hiya @thewhutnow​! And just so you know for next time, there’s an askbox that is located in the spot that says “Ask Me Anything, Prompts Are Open/Closed” I don’t mind that you submitted an ask through my submissions, but I just thought I should tell you this way since it’s a bit easier XD Anyways, I apologize this took a bit to come out, I was taking a few days off from writing to focus on life outside of tumblr! I’m back though! I really hope you like it <3

Summary: Dean sleeps over Pharm’s and during a movie night, Pharm notices Dean starting to have a nightmare and helps him out of it and reassuring him that he’s with him no matter what. 

Word Count: 1700

Letting out a contented sigh as he turned off the hot water and stepped out of the shower, Dean smiled softly at the towels that were neatly folded on the sink, obviously put there by Pharm so that he had them for when he got out of the shower. Unfolding one, Dean tied it around his waist before he grabbed the second towel, throwing it over his head as he stepped carefully towards the door, not wanting to slip since he was still quite damp. Hearing the door to the bathroom open, Pharm glanced up from where he was putting the leftovers from their dinner away and felt his face grow warm as he took in his boyfriend coming out in nothing but a towel, water droplets sliding down his chest and abdomen. Feeling eyes on him, Dean let his eyes rise from the floor to observe Pharm, letting a smirk rise on his face as he caught the boy eyeing him. Jumping when he realized he was caught staring, Pharm bit back an embarrassed squeak and gathered the leftovers, shoving them into the fridge before the sound of Dean moving around his condo caught his attention, the closet door opening as he pulled out the clothes he had left there from their last sleepover. 

“Do you want me to get dressed in the bathroom?” Dean asked softly, letting his teasing nature dull so that he wouldn’t accidentally make Pharm uncomfortable by dropping the towel right then and there. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Pharm took a deep breath and let it out, meeting Dean’s questioning gaze as he shook his head, feeling a smile lifting his lips when he noticed the way his boyfriend’s eyebrows raised. Clearing his throat, Dean stopped watching Pharm as he moved towards the bed, letting his towel drop from his waist as he used it to dry the rest of his body, not minding the eyes he could feel burning into his body. Leaning against the counter as he couldn’t help but eye his boyfriend, Pharm swallowed the lump in his throat as he finally looked away, not letting his eyes land on Dean again until he saw him coming towards him in his peripheral vision. “It’s getting late, are you ready to go to bed?”

“Uh..y-yeah! Do you think we could watch a movie while we’re in bed though?” Pharm asked softly, not quite feeling tired just yet, his eyes meeting Dean’s. Noticing the hopeful gleam his boyfriend had in his eyes, Dean chuckled and reached out, ruffling Pharm’s hair before he dropped his hand and intertwined their fingers, pulling Pharm towards him so he could press a kiss to his forehead. Feeling a blush staining his cheeks, Pharm grinned and allowed himself to be pulled towards the bed, staying quiet as he observed Dean climbing in first, getting under the covers and settling, opening his arms for Pharm to cuddle into. Feeling his smile grow, Pharm didn’t waste any time getting into bed, snuggling under the covers and squirming closer to Dean, letting out a sigh as his arms wrapped around his body, pulling him closer until their bodies were flushed together. Letting out a cute giggle that had a smile quirking up on Dean’s lips, Pharm handed him the remote to the television. “You can choose the movie, I don’t mind what we watch.”

Nodding softly, Dean turned on Pharm’s TV and began to search, snuggling his face into Pharm’s hair as he looked through Netflix, his eyes looking over all the movie suggestions before he picked out Maleficent. Wrapping his arm around Dean’s waist as he cuddled closer, Pharm kept his eyes on the movie as Dean placed the remote on the bedside table, pulling the blanket higher on the both of them as the beginning credits began to play. Not quite an hour into the movie, Pharm felt himself yawn as the drowsiness of the night began to settle in his mind. Rubbing his eyes, Pharm squirmed a bit and moved his tired gaze up to Dean, a soft smile rising on his face when he noticed Dean passed out, his head laid back against the headboard as his breathing was slow and steady. When did he fall asleep and why didn’t he tell him he was getting tired? Keeping quiet as he let his eyes take in Dean, Pharm felt the soft smile he had on his face turn into a frown when he noticed the slight furrow appear on his boyfriend’s brows, a frown taking over the the once peaceful expression Dean had on his face disappearing as his breathing began to hitch and soft murmurs escaped his lips.  

“P’Dean?” Pharm asked, his voice still hushed as he maneuvered himself around so he could straddle his boyfriend’s legs while facing Dean, a worried noise coming out of his mouth as he heard a whimper left Dean’s wobbling lips. Reaching out, Pharm gently cupped Dean’s face and rubbed his thumbs against his cheeks, pulling him closer so that his ear could be directly over his heart as his fingers rubbed through Dean’s hair. Feelings arms wrap around his waist and drawing him close, Pharm buried his face in Dean’s hair and pressed a kiss to his head, not minding how the arms tightened around him as a shuddery breath came out of Dean’s lips, his mind just beginning to fade out of the nightmare he was having. Pulling away slightly, Pharm cupped Dean’s face once more and stared into his murky eyes, rubbing his thumbs across the slight prickle of tears that were bubbling in his boyfriend’s eyes. Sniffling slightly, Dean swallowed back another hitched breath and squeezed Pharm, burying his face back in his chest as the warmth of his boyfriend’s body reassured him that he was very much alive. “P’Dean…? It’s okay, you’re safe and I’m here. It’s going to be alright.”

“P-Pharm...it’s fine. J-just a terrible nightmare...don’t worry, okay?” Dean whispered, his voice muffled from how he had his face smashed into Pharm’s chest, the arms around his boyfriend’s waist tightening when he felt Pharm squirm a little. Frowning when he heard the slight stutter in Dean’s voice, Pharm shushed him gently and continued to pet his hair, letting Dean hold him for as long as he needed, not moving until he felt Dean’s shuddering breath escape and his boyfriend finally pull away slightly, their eyes meeting as they came face to face. Letting a soft smile rise on his face, Pharm pressed their foreheads together and nuzzled their noses, giggling when it got Dean smiling, even if it was just a little one. Letting out a sigh, Dean tightened his hold on Pharm's shirt as he moved up, pressing their lips together softly, Pharm letting out a small gasp before he wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, their bodies growing closer. Pulling away to breathe, Dean chuckled against Pharm’s lips and stared into his eyes, rubbing his hands around Pharm’s back. “It...was that time when we both were struggling...when you uh...had that gun...I was too late to help you and...you uh...yeah”

Knowing what Dean was implying, Pharm let out a sigh and nodded, knowing that he wasn’t the only one traumatized during the time, Dean having to watch him hold a gun to his head and almost pulling the trigger. Even if he wasn’t exactly him at that time, Dean was and Pharm felt so much guilt for putting Dean through that. Brushing his fingers through Dean’s hair again, Pharm pressed a small kiss to Dean’s forehead and sighed, drawing him into a hug that had Dean’s breathing hitch as his face was buried into Pharm’s shoulder. Rubbing at the thin hairs at the base of his neck, Pharm gently rocked them side to side as Dean hugged him tighter, letting the fear of the nightmare he had begin to fade away as he listened to Pharm’s steady heartbeat. Feeling a yawn contract him, Pharm tried to hide it but knew that he wasn’t successful as Dean pulled away and stared into his eyes, his boyfriend’s own gaze looking sleepy. Letting a soft smile rise on his lips, Pharm yelped slightly as Dean squirmed down, holding onto him firmly as he settled back against the mattress, Pharm still on top of him. Reaching for the remote, Dean turned off the television, knowing they could rewatch the movie some other time before he put it back in its place, wrapping his arms around Pharm as he drew the blanket back up on them. 

“Can you sleep like this…? It would make me feel a little better…” Dean asked softly, keeping his eyes open and honest as Pharm observed their position. Letting out a soft hum, Pharm squirmed around a bit as he sighed, nuzzling his face against Dean’s chest as a light blush stained his cheeks, finding that he didn’t mind the position at all as Dean wrapped his arms securely around him and their legs curled around each other. Feeling him relaxing on top of him, Dean sighed and pressed a kiss to Pharm hair, rubbing his back as he closed his eyes, not minding the comfortable silence that developed around the room as they cuddled into each other. Peering up from where his face was against Dean’s chest, Pharm stared at how open Dean’s face was before he wiggled up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, making Dean’s lip quirk up in a small smile and his arms tighten around Pharm’s warm body. “Goodnight Pharm.”

Letting out a soft reply, Pharm nuzzled his face back into Dean’s chest, his eyes fluttering closed as he lost the fight to sleep, his breathing evening out as Dean rubbed his back softly, feeling his boyfriend’s chest moving in a gentle rhythm against his own. Pressing one last soft kiss against Pharm’s hair, Dean let out a soft sigh as he faded into sleep as well, the nightmare he had far away in his mind as he held his warm boyfriend tightly, similar soft smiles on their lips as they fell into a shared peaceful slumber.

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

The Good Life: Chapter 12

Hello, my lovelies! I know it’s been a little while since my last post, and I’m sorry about that, but it’s been hard to find time to write anything as of lately. This is just a relatively short chapter to act as filler and to fill in some gaps in the events of the previous chapter and to segue into what’s to come in the next few chapters that I have all mapped out. I hope you enjoy this little chapter!

Need to get caught up? The Good Life: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4 , Ch5, Ch6, Ch7, Ch8 , Ch9 , Ch10, Ch 11

If you want to be added (or  removed) from the tags list for this story, just feel free to let me know!

@pink-royaute @believethaticanandiwill @milllott @likeashootingstarfades @i-dream-of-emus @eveerez @saintsisterwriter

The Good Life: Chapter 12

“No offense, babes, but you look like shit. Actually, you look worse than shit,” Chloe said as she took a sip of her mimosa.

“Thanks, Chlo! Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” Rae remarked sarcastically as she added sugar to her coffee and took a long drink.

“Sorry, but it’s true.”

“I know that I look like shit. I had a really late-night last night and I definitely wasn’t expecting for someone to call me repeatedly at half past six this morning,” Rae grumbled.

“I said I was sorry, but you weren’t picking up your phone and I really wanted to see if you were free to do brunch today. We’re both always so busy and I didn’t know when I’d get to see you again since I’m going on a trip to New York for work for the rest of the month.”

“I know, and I’m sorry that I’ve been so hard to make plans with lately. I’m happy to spend time with you and see you before you leave later this week, I just don’t love how early I had to wake up this morning, so please forgive my grumpiness.”

“You’re already forgiven, Rae-Rae,” Chloe replied, “So…were you gonna tell me why you had such a late night or am I going to have to coax the truth out of you?”

“Well, I went out to that new bar in the city. The one where they have all the board games and stuff that you can play—”

“Oh my god! Were you on a date last night, Rae? I know that that bar closes fairly early, so if you had a ‘late night’ you must have continued the fun after leaving the bar, didn’t you?” Chloe asked with a smirk.

“I went to the bar last night with Finn,” Rae clarified.

“Oh.”

“Why do you sound so disappointed?”

“I really hoped you had gone on a date. Your love life has plummeted since you moved in with Finn, since the two of you are practically inseparable.”

“What are you talking about, Chlo? I didn’t have a love life, before or after moving in with Finn,” Rae chuckled.

“That’s not the point, Rae. I just want you to have some excitement in your life!”

“You mean you want me to have excitement in my life so then I can tell you exciting stories about my sexcapades since you’re in a long-term relationship and want to live vicariously through me,” Rae added with an eye roll.

“While that is true, I mean it when I say that I want you to have fun. You’re young and single and bloody gorgeous and I have no clue why you don’t have crowds of men groveling at your feet constantly.”

“I’m just really focused on work and finishing Uni, so dating hasn’t been much of a priority for me. My life is just fine as it is.”

“Your life is boring.”

“That’s not true!”

“Oh really? What’s the most recent interesting thing that has happened in your life?”

“I went on a date with the guy I met at Chop’s party a while back,” Rae replied matter of factly.

“Blue? Yeah, you mentioned that to me when we got coffee a couple days after your date.”

“Oh, then...I’ve been puppy sitting my coworker’s dog for the last week!”

“I know, you showed me Rocky via video chat on Wednesday.”

“Oh…” Rae trailed off.

“I told you! No offense, but you live a quite boring life, Rae!”

“I do not!”

“You really do, babes.”

“Well, here’s something that I know you don’t know about already,” Rae began, “Finn and I kissed last night.”

“You what?”

“We kissed. Technically he kissed me, I think, but I kissed him back...I think.”

“You think? What do you mean you ‘think’?”

“Well we went to that bar together, which may or may not have been a date. I’m actually not too sure about that in hindsight...anyways, after the bar we came home and kept drinking and then we were playing truth or dare. When we decided to call it a night, he kissed me.”

“On the cheek?”

“Nope! On the lips. For a solid few seconds too,”

“Then what?”

“Well, to be honest, I was really drunk by that point and some of the details are a little bit hazy. But I think he pulled away and started to apologize, I said that I didn’t mind, he kissed me again and I’m pretty sure I kissed him back. We just kept kissing for a little while and then we went to sleep.”

“Just like that? You went from swapping spit to saying ‘goodnight’ just like that?”

“Technically we said goodnight before we started kissing, but yeah,” Rae replied with a shrug.

“So, what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you and Finn together now or are you both wanting to act on the sexual tension that’s been building between the two of you since you first met?”

“Sexual tension? What do you mean? Actually, it doesn’t matter. We haven’t talked about the kiss, actually. He was still very much asleep when I left to meet you for brunch, so that conversation will have to wait until a later time.”

“Well I look forward to hearing how that conversation goes.”

“I think I am looking forward to it too,” Rae replied with a small smile.

“Stop me if I’m interpreting this all wrong, but you wouldn’t happen to still have a tiny crush on a certain boy named Finn Nelson, would you?”

“No! No, of course not...probably not. Well, actually, I don’t know…”

“Rae…”

“I know, I know. You don’t have to have this whole discussion with me yet again,”

“I just don’t want you and Finn to end up on different pages with what your relationship is and you end up getting hurt. Especially now that you two are living together and stuck in a lease until next summer.”

“Trust me, Chloe, I know. And I am being careful. I just don’t want to get ahead of myself and make a big deal out of nothing. Finn had a lot to drink last night too, most likely more than I did, so who knows if he even remembers anything that happened.”

“Maybe you’re right, Rae,” Chloe replied dropping the subject as soon as the food they had ordered was delivered by their waitress.

Chloe and Rae continued enjoying their brunch and talking, being sure to avoid any mention of their previous topics of conversation.

After they were done, Chloe gave Rae a ride back to her apartment and parked her car in the lot nearest to Rae’s apartment.

“Thanks for joining me for brunch, Rae-Rae!”

“It’s no problem, I’m glad that I got to see you before you leave. Even if that meant waking up early with a massive hangover,” Rae chuckled lightly.

“I certainly owe you one,” Chloe responded before hesitating, “I also look forward to hearing how it goes when you talk to Finn about—”

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to give you all the details,” Rae interrupted, “I gotta go make sure that Finn is awake and has taken Rocky for his walk or take him out myself, if not.”

“Okay, well...tell Finn and Rocky that I say ‘hello’, I suppose” Chloe replied, worry clear in her voice as Rae stepped out of the car.

“Relax, Chloe. I know you’re worried about me, but you don’t have to be. I doubt Finn remembers a thing, but even if he does, I can almost guarantee that it meant nothing to him!” Rae replied just before closing the door of Chloe’s car.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Chloe muttered as the door shut and she watched Rae walking away from her car towards the stairs to get to her apartment.

A/N: So I know that I’ve been pretty MIA for the last couple weeks and have been shit about writing/posting. There’s been a lot of changes in my life over the past month and a lot going on, but just to name a few things: I graduated from Uni, I started a new job 3 days ago, I’m currently working 2 jobs totaling 50-60hrs of work per week, I’m in the process of finding a new place to live, I’m trying to pull myself out of the deepest depression that I’ve been in since I was about 16yrs old...so yeah, I have a lot going on.

I know my posting habits wouldn’t show it, but I’m still really excited about this story and want to continue developing it as long as I’m able to and as long as people are still willing to read it. I don’t know what else to say here, really, but in case I go another week or two or three etc. without posting, I’m always still here and just an ask/message away if you wanna chat or whatever. Even when I’m not posting, I’m still always on Tumblr lurking and seeing what others are posting hahaha

Until next time: stay awesome, my friends!

[astrxealis]

HELO APOLLO havent been in here for a while yet </3 but as others have said and stated!!!! ur nor chained to the fandom so dont feel like u have to be in the fandom so ur mutuals wont leave u!!! ik what u feel when ur writing for a fandom and suddenly that spark of interest for it suddenly just dims completely and you're left wondering what to do jwjsksj TT

i always remember feeling lost everytime i lose interest in something but always remember that your mutuals are something u won't lose just because of that!! im not sure if i read the post correctly and its 3am meaning i shld be sleeping but instesd im hanging out in my drafts collecting dust BUT I HOPE U KNOW UR DIFFERENCE IN INTERESTS SHLDNT BE WHAT MAKES U STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE

anyway HUGS FOR U AND SLEEO SOON BECAISE OMG ITS SO LATE I'll hsad to bed now too because ngl im feeling v dizzy BUT I STILL WANTED TO SEND U TJIS NOW AND NOT TOMORROW WHEN I WAKe UP SO HUGSSS OF COMFORT ARE BEING SENT UR WAY GOODNIGHT ILYYY MWA MWA /P

AINNN HELLO!! honestly it doesn't rlly seem like it dw WHEEZE i haven't been too active on tumblr again yes ?? >_< ^^ aaa thank you so much :(( yeah!! sometimes that Spark just kinda. yeah. TwT & w who i am like as a person it's rlly <//3 w that

DWDW you did read the post correctly!! and YES by the time i'm answering this almost an hour after i hope you are well rested in bed >:( but :O yeah fr ,, i'll try to rmbr that! T___T

TY FOR HUGS... returning them Very Much bcs srs i'm really thankful :( HVE A GOOD REST!! and i hope you feel better in the morning yes HGBSJG AND PLS IT'S NP BUT i'm rlly grateful to u (all) aaaaa mwah ilyt T^T <33

[lovemesomesurveys]

My very first survey on this blog in 2014/present

A lot of the answers were the same for it being a 4 years difference, which is kinda sad lol.

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Sigh. Very much so. || Not anymore. Oh man. This was still when Joseph and I had our thing going on.

What did you do yesterday? I’ve been on break for the past week and I can honestly say I haven’t really done anything. It’s been kinda nice. || I just rested, Tumblr-ed, did some surveys, colored, and watched TV.

Something you really want right now? Hmm. I don’t really want anything at this exact moment. || Food. I don’t want to make anything; though, cause it’s almost 3AM and I should just go to sleep.

What were you doing an hour ago? Making this side blog. || Surveys.

If you could seek revenge on someone would you? Nahh. I’m not revengeful. || I’m still not.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? Nope. || My back kind of does.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Probably. Sighhhh. It’s been so long since he and I last saw each other. The situation with me and ~him is complicated. Isn’t it always? || I believe so.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Yep. Right this very second. I more than like him at this point, but like I said. It’s complicated. || Yeah, back in 2016.

Would you ever get a tattoo? I want to. I’m just a big ol’ baby. || Haha. I’m still a big ol’ baby.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? HA. That’s funny. || Nopeee.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Uhh. Probs my mom yesterday when she called from work. || <<< Honestly, same. lol.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? My brother. ||  <<< Same again. Omg my life is so predictable.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? Coffee with Amanda. Maybe get some more Christmas shopping done. Hopefully! || Aww, back when I had a social life and did stuff. Anyway, tomorrow I have that doctor appointment I’ve been dreading. I wish I was having that day from 4 years ago.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? Not recently, but yes a friendship has ended that I wish had not. || Like all of them.

What are you listening to right now? Hey Arnold. || I Love Lucy.

What happened at 9:00 am today? It hasn’t been 9am yet, but I imagine my ass will be on the couch scrolling through Tumblr and watching tv. Exciting stuff, guys. || Ew why was I up so early? lol. I’ll still be asleep at 9.

Ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? Yes. I put my heart on the line and they walked away. Awesome. || Yeppp.

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? Nooo. || On the cheek.

Do you and your last ex hate each other? Nah. We don’t talk, but there’s no hard feelings. || Nope. It’s like that situation as the one from before.

What are you afraid of? Life. Death. || <<< That, and just that things are always going to be how they are for me or even worse.

When was the last time you were sick? Always. || I last had a virus type thing a few months ago, but otherwise I pretty much always feel crappy in some way.

Are you one of those people who are always cold? No. Although, I am right now. || No. I’m the one who’s usually always hot.

Where are your biological parents? In their room. Sleeping. || <<< Yep.

Do you have any summer plans yet? I wish. It’s still awhile away, though. It could change. || Summer is just about over, thank goodness.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? On food. Always. || I have a bad habit of online shopping lately.

Last thing that you said out loud? “Goodnight, Jon.” || “Goodnight.”  Based on this survey it would seem like my life hasn’t changed at all lol.

Do you have trust issues? It’s not really trust issues. I just have a hard time opening up in general. || Yep, still that way.

Do you think this year will be better than the last? This year is just about over, which is crazy. I always hope the next year will be better, but there’s always something. || This year was awful.

What are you doing? This pretty much. My tv is on, but it’s background noise. || Sigh. I could just paste this and not change anything.

Are you a jealous person? Yes, but not like psycho jealous. You probably wouldn’t even know it. || I have my moments of envy.

Do you think age matters in relationships? Well, yes. To an extent. || <<<<

When was the last time you got a haircut? I think maybe back in July. Or a little before then. I’m trying to grow out my hair now. I’m over short hair. || Early August I got it trimmed.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? Tons of people. || Yep.

Who is the last person you rode in a car with? Mom & brother. || <<<<

What is one thing you’d love to happen tomorrow? I’d like to get more Christmas shopping done. My plans for that are still up in the air. I can’t believe Christmas is already next week like wth??? That went by SO FAST. || I just hope my doctor appointment goes okay. I want to get it over with.

Did you sing at all today? Yes. || No.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? My mom. || <<<<

Where will you be 2 hours from now? In bed asleep. || <<<< Omggg.

Are there any stressful situations in your life? A few. || There’s plenty. A lot has changed in that sense anyway from 4 years ago.

Are your lips chapped at the moment? Nope I’m good thanks for asking. || No.

When you met the person you now love, what happened?: Uh well we met through a mutual. Nothing happened right away. He pursued me first after awhile, but I wasn’t interested initially. Boy did that change. || I don’t love anyone in the romantic sense.

Did you realize anything today?: No, but it’s early. || Not so far.

What do you need right now?: Sleep probably. || Sleep. Food.

What’s your favorite food?: Mongolian BBQ. || Taco Bell, chicken tenders, french fries, Top Ramen.

How are you feeling today?: Just kind of whatever. It’s 1 in the morning.|| Anxious.

What is your biggest fear?: Life and death. || I answered that already in this survey.

Describe your looks to us: Ugly? Ha. I don’t know. Look at my avatar.  || <<<<

Have you ever woke up next to someone and wanted to puke? UH no I can honestly say I have not. || No.

What are you listening to right now? Degrassi. || I Love Lucy.

Are you afraid of death? Very. || Yes.

Do you open up to people easily? No. It takes a lot. || <<< I’m the most open in surveys.

Do you miss anyone? So very much. || A few someones.

What are you going to do tomorrow? I feel like I’ve been asked this a billion times. || As I’ve stated already, a doctor appointment.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? Noooo. || Kind of.

[whythowastakenwhatisthis]

@the-lunar-warrior​ this is your secret santa present!! i really hope you like it :3 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13137072

@paranaturalsecretsanta

the fic is also under the read more in case anyone wants to read it on tumblr, sorry tumblr mobile users 

The snow fell the night before New Years’ Eve, blanketing the bushes and trees with thick, unbreachable oceans of snow. Max stood at his window to watch it fall. His father tilted his head forward to rest it on Max's head and said, “Guess you and the club aren’t going out tomorrow, huh, kiddo?”

“Guess not,” Max said, and after his father left, he watched the snow drape Mayview in layers and layers of soft, glittering quiet. At the bottom of the valley, someone was having a party, and the lights started to blink away as the moon leapt higher in the sky.

He crept into Zoey’s room before midnight. Yawning, she sat up in bed as he perched next to her, and they watched the clock tick toward 12:00. “Last day of the year,” he whispered when it did, and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. Laughing under her breath, she squirmed, but when Max stood to leave, she smiled up at him, eyes hazy and happy.

His father was fast asleep when he peeked into the master bedroom, tucked in on the left side of the bed, clutching his pillow tightly. Max slipped in beside him and stared up at the ceiling as his father snored and settled a little. The snow dampened everything outside. Even in Baxborough, where cars would run and dogs would bark for all hours of the night, the snow silenced the world, just a tad.

Here in Mayview, where it was usually quiet, Max felt like he was trapped in a pale imitation of a real world.

He tiptoed back into his own room at closer to one in the morning. PJ and Lefty were on the ground, reading, and just watched when Max climbed back between his own blankets. “Goodnight,” PJ said when Max was nearly asleep, and Max grunted a reply.

---

The next morning, bright and early, the Puckett household was surprised with a gang of preteens on their front stoop. Max, barefooted and still rubbing sleep from his eyes, threw open his window and was bombarded with shouts.

“Where were you?” =broke through Max’s fuzzy thoughts, and he tried to groan a response before just giving up, throwing on a couple more layers, and tumbling out his window onto a shocked Isaac O’Connor. Breath freezing in the air, Ed whooped, and Isabel threw back her head to laugh.

“What the hell?” Isaac asked, probably a little bruised, and Max unlocked his door to grab shoes and a coat.

“Dad, Zoey, I’m going out!” he shouted up the stairs, and someone yelled something back at him, and Max slammed the door shut, and pulled his boots on, and then they headed to the high school’s field.

“This started, like, ten years ago,” Isabel told him, “when two kids got into a huge fight and everyone in the school took sides and some of them met here to have a snowball fight. Nobody actually knows who started now, or why, but now you do it through middle school and end it when you get to high school.”

“Some kids tried to start one with the high school vs the Mayview Academy kids, but it didn’t really work out,” Ed chimed in, and Isaac grimaced.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think the principal banned all projectiles made of precipitation, so like, it’s technically illegal for it to hail there?”

“Anyway,” Isabel said, catching Isaac on the shoulder and shoving him a little, “you can form teams and alliances and stuff, and usually you stick with your grade or club.”

Ed’s brow darkened, and he muttered, “The football team is always ruthless.”

They reached the top of the hill a few minutes later. While Max was expecting to see maybe thirty other kids there, the entirety of Mayview Middle School was on the school’s front field, along with a few kids that might not even go there. Clustered in one corner of the track field were the sixth graders, quiet and probably a little afraid, and the eighth graders had control of most of the baseball diamonds, so the clubs and the seventh graders had gotten the parking lot and the open grassy area, both of which were now ankle deep in snow.

Max could honestly say he didn’t expect to see Suzy yelling at the president of the film club at the top of her lungs, but he could believe it.

“You can’t just say you want to join a team the day of!” Suzy yelled, probably scaring some birds off of nearby trees. “WE HAVE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR MONTHS!”

“Hey, Suzy,” Max called across the parking lot, just to see the response. “Can the Activity Club join your team?”

“Yeah, sure thing,” Suzy called back without looking, and then screamed, “THEY AT LEAST WILL HAVE PEOPLE TO HELP US!”

Unimpressed, Isaac stared at Max for a hard second, and sighed. “Well,” he said, tipping his head back to look at the great deity in the sky that he sometimes talked to. “I guess we’re teamed up with the Newspaper for the annual snowball fight.”

Ed grabbed his arm and pulled him to the rest of the team -- Lisa, Violet, Cody and Jeff, a few rebellious eighth graders, and, surprisingly, Johnny Jhonny and his friends. Isabel and Max were left to watch the proceedings, as the untidy mess of kids arranged themselves into something resembling an army. Lisa, unsurprisingly, rose to the top, despite Suzy and Johnny’s attempts to usurp her, and Cody Jones made an excellent second in command.

Max sighed. “Guess we’d better head over there,” he said.

“Yeah,” Isabel replied. “It’ll be starting at ten.”

Neither made any move towards the disaster, not until Ed and Jeff bodily dragged them to their hideout. Someone, Max had no clue who, had brought a little pop up tent, and there was a table with full on war maps taped to it.

“Wow,” Max said, stunned, and Isabel nodded sagely.

The world outside the tent was cold and damp, but inside, there were fold up chairs and thermoses of hot chocolate. When others were sent outside to make ammunition, Max was kept inside for a little to focus on strategy, and it was there that he got to really appreciate the crazy that was Mayview. For maybe a half hour, they fattened him up with hot chocolate and war plans and those little figures to move around the map, and then, like the cold, conniving leaders they were, Lisa and Cody shoved him out the tent flaps with smiles and a promise that, if they won, he’d have his share of the glory.

Outside, the wind whistled in his ear, and the snow seeped past the tops of his boots, but he had RJ whispering jokes in his other ear, and Suzy lending his a pair of leg warmers, so he supposed it wasn’t all that bad.

They fought valiantly, holding up their barricades and launching attacks at the other armies, but in the end, their defenses were not enough. A bold group of sixth graders attacked their flanks as the football team launched their forces to the front, and one by one the soldiers fell. First it was Dimitri, snow melting across his shoulders as he fell asleep, and then it was one of the eighth graders. Max hadn’t met them before, but as they threw one last snowball at a football player, a single tear froze to his eyelash. Isaac was bawling.

The band kids won, although Isabel complained playing bad music to wear down the other teams was bad form and shouldn’t be allowed in the future. The student council collectively stroked their chins and murmured to each other, and Isaac offered Max a hand up.

“So how was it?” Max asked as they walked home. “That was your last one, right?”

“Yeah,” Isaac said, looking up to the pale gray sky. “It was good, but I don’t think any year would measure up to your first one.”

“Really,” Max said, not as a question.

“Yup.”

Isaac deposited Max at his door, the both of them cold and damp and red with chill, and smiled at him in the fading light. “Y’know,” he said, conversationally, “Spender once said he and Mina Zarei were in the first snowball fight here.”

“Really?” Max asks. This time it is definitely, for sure a question, and, again, Isaac smiled at him.

“Yeah.” He leaned himself against the doorway for a few seconds, watching Max unlock his door, then picked himself up and started to turn away. “Actually,” he said, “Spender told me that he and Mina Zarei were the ones who started it.”

This time, Max smiled, at Isaac’s damp, fading back in the afternoon sun, and headed to his kitchen, where Zoey wass perched on a stool and his father was taking a tray out of the oven. His father heard him coming and straightened, smiling. “Hey, kiddo,” he said. “I made jalapeno poppers!”

Max smiled, and nudged Zoey away from his stool, and stole a popper before his father even put them on a plate. The clock struck 2:00 in the afternoon, and it was the last day of the year. The snow was melting.

[unspeakable-joy-85-blog]

φιλία

Philia. Friendship. Love between friends.

3.20.20 12:32am

I guess i’ll start by saying that I’ve never had so many true friends before. It hurts to be completely ignored after leaving a church, and then pretty much ignored or treated like a china doll after dad died. I want FRIENDS that CARE about me and WANT to spend time with me because they like me for me.

and God led me to that. at immerse. in a way only he could have dreamt up (running into an old friend who invited me out of the blue, and then having that same friend re-invite me months later when I forgot). God’s been teaching me so much about differing opinions on topics I once thought were concrete, on convictions I had assumed were universal (and some still might be, jury’s still out), on pages I had assumed all of us that volunteered the label of “christian” must be on together (spoiler alert: some of us aren’t even in the same book). 

for remembering’s sake, i’ll tell this story that led me to the dating fast i find myself slightly halfway over with and surprisingly, already slightly broken.

I had been wrestling with the concept for a while, a dating fast. me, someone who doesn’t date, hasn’t dated in nearly 2 years, on a dating fast. it seemed comical, but the nagging thought of “what if” kept me from going full force. what if while on this fast meet “the one” and I have to turn him down? what if i never get married because i declined a date with the one? what if I click with someone during the fast and i have to explain why i can’t date them? or worse, they decide to date someone else because i’m not worth their time? dumb thoughts, i’m well aware. they still hold a bit of truth, but that’s outweighed by the attention i’m putting on God through this.

anyways, back to the fast. my friend had done a dating fast (more serious for her since she had been sleeping around before fully accepting Christ and turning her life around). I considered it. I didn’t know any details but it sat in the back of my mind for a few weeks. immerse was planning an unofficial camping trip. I was psyched, i’d never been camping for real before (creation doesn’t count). I went, I had a blast. i inhaled way too much campfire smoke and had a migraine, but I had a blast. I deepened friendships, got closer to people, got to know people, it was super fun. I found myself drawn to two people in particular. both of them guys. I’ve never been close friends with guys. i’m not sure why, but growing up, i just never made friends easily with guys. these two seemed easy as anything, we got along so well. jokes, references, spiritual conversations, you name it, we were laughing or relating. deepening friendships. philia, love. no ulterior motive, no crush, no romantic attraction. just appreciation for another similar human. but this is what i struggle with, drawing a line between the romantic/physical aspect and the philia aspect. i know the line in my head, but I can’t trust God enough to let that go and accept the philia no string attached because it might turn into something more.

it was time to leave the campsite and drive home (late at night on a very dark and very poorly lit back pine barrens road). I left but didn’t realize at the same time as a few others. I saw a string hanging from my visor shield while driving, thinking, “that’s weird, that wasn’t there before. oh well”. I made it a few miles until I decided it was annoying me and i would just pull it off. I reached to pull, and it MOVED and RETRACTED BACK UP.

i screamed. i freaked out. 

i straight up punched my hazards on with a closed fist, and by the grace of God i was right next to a gas station/country store/pull over spot. I slammed my brakes, and jumped out of the running car, panicking that the spider was on me.

suddenly, i see a car slam on it’s brakes ahead of me, and slowly reverse back to me. it’s my friend, one of the ones I had been getting to know on the trip. he jumped out and checked on me, asked me if i was okay. i shakily explained the situation, and he helped me check my car. when we couldn’t find the spider, he nervously joked that it was more scared of me than i of it. I wasn’t amused but i appreciated the attempt to lighten the moment. I told him I would be okay, thanked him profusely, and he left. (I found the spider on my steering wheel a few minutes later and brutally murdered it with my shoe).

I got back into my car and resumed my drive when I got overwhelmed with emotion. I sobbed the whole next hour, praying and crying to God, “why do you love me so much? why do you give me friends? i don’t deserve friends! i’m a terrible friend, why do i get people in my life that care?”

I wrestled with my inability to distinguish eros from philia the rest of that 2 hour long ride home. I prayed about the dating fast, I had been feeling one month but suddenly I felt God push for a full year. I scoffed and refused initially, until I really thought about it.

Like a crab is both restricted and protected by it’s shell (alternatively both free and incredibly vulnerable without it’s shell), I sheepishly accepted God’s offer of a year long dating fast under the assumption that it would help me be more protected so I could grow in my relationship with God more.

6 months in, and I went on one date and I’m nowhere near where I dreamed I would be when I started this. I’m taking small steps in the right direction, but don’t feel like they’re big enough. I’m getting lazy again. 

The date was a disaster. It was fun but I wasn’t feeling it. He asked me on second date a half hour into the first one, while we were still bowling, then he kept me talking to him at a diner till 3 in the freaking morning. who does that. i dropped hints for a full 3 hours that i was tired. maybe i should be more rude. and now he’s managed to text me at least once a day since our date about anything and everything. he’s clearly not the one. a unfortunate chain of events led me to feeling incredibly guilty about saying no to his request for a first date, so I figured going along was the kindest route since I had initially said yes in person. I had a date broken off for God reasons last minute on me before, and let me tell you, it sucked.

God’s been showing me the side of Christianity we in america don’t see every day. the life that is lived by those in sudan, in the middle east, in taiwan, you name it. refugees, rebel militia, simple fathers protecting families. we get SO caught up in the bachelor, in taking pictures of our food for instagram, in american idol, the list goes on and on and on.

I had an excellent conversation with a coworker today about the importance, as Christians, of the full armor of God and what the pieces all mean. about how as believers, we need to be vigilant and stay away from things that could dull our senses. and even though i’ve heard my parents say that my whole life, it was super convicting. i think it helps to hear it from someone who isn’t family or who isn’t so close, because it’s an outside perspective. it normalizes it. i like that. i shared a little bit about my dad with him too, about how my dad had anointed the doors and windows of our house with oil and prayer and how he prayed over the 4 rocks on the corners of our property. it was so nice to tell someone about that and have them think it was amazing and not look at me like i was some crazy christian. it’s nice having someone spiritually on the same page.

it’s late, this was a long introduction but it’s what’s been on my mind today. i’m hoping that this will increase my prayer life and help me channel emotions in a healthy way. i’m hoping this tumblr stays one sided, me posting and receiving information from non-personal blogs, just inspirational scripture based blogs.

goodnight <3