#anyway I'm mainly writing this because I'm stuck on another fic and I needed a break
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sugarpasteltmnt · 10 months ago
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First of all, I gotta say that I absolutely LOVE your fic. I read the first chapter and just... didn't stop reading lol. It was so compelling and the way you describe emotions and depict Leo's mental state is so good!!!! I can't get enough of it. I love how you write his manic thought process and the way that his thoughts jump around in a very 'word association' type way! (That's super accurate to manic episodes!) I also really like the way that his awareness ebbs and flows and how you are able to indicate that to the reader while also maintaining the narrative. For real, kudos to you, that's a super difficult thing to do and you've pulled it off so well! It's absolutely stunning!
Question (and feel free not to answer if this is a spoiler or if you aren't sure), did Leo age in the Prison Dimension? Cause obviously the five years was FIVE YEARS, he didn't just time skip or anything, and he's definitely five years older mentally (for better or for worse, poor guy) but if the Prison Dimension essentially 'stops' bodily functions like hunger, thirst, exhaustion and.. dying, was his aging paused as well?
I'm low-key dying over the idea of Leo still being a kid physically. Like, the mental image of his brothers coming face-to-face with a visibly teenaged Leo who is more scar tissue than skin, it's just, ugghhgg. It's one thing to know 'oh he was a kid, he shouldn't have had to deal with this. He shouldn't have had to have been in that position, this is all so fucked up' but it's another thing entirely to see it, y'know?
Anyway, again feel free to ignore the question if it's spoiler territory or completely off the mark or if you don't have the spoons to answer. I mainly just wanted to say that I'm obsessed with your fic and it has me completely unhinged (pos). Was literally sobbing at 3AM while reading it. 10/10. Would recommend.
(also how the fuck do you write Leo so scary and threatening and yet also so adorable and charming and 'wet meow-meow stuck in the rain'. I'm frothing at the mouth wtf. The whiplash of being all 'oh no he's gonna kill- oh he's purring now, he's baby' is so fantastic holy shit)
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THANK YOU THAT'S SO NICE WAAAAAAH 😭😭😭 i'm so glad people seem to enjoy it because i can always go a little TOO in depth at times and i hope it's never like, too boring or repetitious
and yes, Leo did age!! while the idea of Leo being a time capsule of his teenage self but now so warped is DELICIOUS... I love the idea he aged for several reasons. It was one (or maybe the only) way Leo knew time was passing for him-- which adds to the mental strain of knowing he was stuck there. Forever. And the emotional damage it would inflict on his family because it makes it just more transparent and painful how much time had passed. How long they left Leo there. As well as prove the point that time in the Prison Dimension passed at the same rate as it did on Earth.
Plus, I feel like there's another, dark, angsty edge to it that I couldn't resist. I feel like when the Prison Dimension was made, the primary goal was to trap the Krang for eternity. Whether intentional or not, the Mystic Warriors had practically made a place you could age. Where you can get hungry. Where you can get thirsty. Where you have to face all those painful needs of the body you just can't satisfy... But you just couldn't escape it. Ever.
That might make it a bit TOO dark to think about, but ultimately I just loved the idea of the brothers seeing Leo older like them and knowing that they had left him behind for so long. (toot-toot all aboard the angst train)
but omg i'm so glad you like it 😭 thank you for the ask it was super sweet 🩵
also
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My Brother in Christ Pizza Supreme I wish i knew
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thlayli-ra · 11 days ago
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Stole this from @stripeydani - Happy New Year bestie! Lang may yer lum reek!
2024: My Year in Writing
2024 Summary
Words Written - 292,392 words
Fics Published -
The Moon Rises Red Tonight - Vampire AU, AJ Lee/CM Punk/LA Knight/ Finn Balor. My weird little baby that was meant to be just straight up smut with my favourites yet kinda turned into this angsty piece involving a trauma flashback-inducing vagina so... yeah...
Would You Offer Your Throat to the Wolf? - Hunter/Prey AU. CM Punk/Drew McIntyre. Literally the second Punkintyre fic on AO3 and my first full foray into Dead Dove horror. It is entirely to blame for my writing taking a drastic turn into the unhinged and I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or not. 😅
The Chain - Soulmate AU. CM Punk/Drew McIntyre. I'm still really proud of this twisted little ficlet. So far, it's the only time I've written in first person POV.
Stray - Stray AU. CM Punk/Drew McIntyre. Part fluff, part angst, it tells the story of two broken souls helping to mend one another. And Drew in a muzzle.
Losers pray for things to happen; winners make things happen! - Winner's Room AU. CM Punk/Drew McIntyre. A silly ficlet I wrote after Clash at the Castle that inadvertently launched a whole entire au, in which Gunther has a pet play kink. One of my most successful fics. More will follow, I assure you!
Thlayli's Trick or Treat Ficlets - Various. A collection of request ficlets I did for my Trick or Treat event in October. I had so much fun working with all of your requests and got to flex my writing abilities a bit. However, it did spawn the Alien Breeding fic so there's that...
A Sinner at Heart - Valetverse AU. LA Knight/Nick Aldis. A huge thank you to Dani @stripeydani for prompting this pairing. They're so much fun to write and I plan to add more to this fic next year! (They're so fucking!)
Out of the Ashes - Post-Apocalyptic AU. CM Punk/AJ Lee, various. Finally got the sequel to Scorched Earth back up and running after a long slump.
'Acknowledge Me' - Winner's Room AU, LA Knight/Roman Reigns. Technically the first winner's room fic I wrote but it got stuck in WIP hell until last month. Nasty little piece where neither man comes off better.
My Favourite Fic - Oooooh! That's tricky. It's a close-call between Red Moon, the hunter/prey au and Stray but if I had to choose, it would be Stray. Mainly because it all started off as an interesting concept that popped into my head one morning and evolved with each chapter into a beautiful character study of love and loss. I especially enjoyed writing Divorced!JoePunk and capturing their complicated feelings towards one another.
My Most Written Pairing - Isn't it obvious? It's been the year of Punkintyre. They infested my brain and consumed me entirely (they're both lingering in there still, I just need to get over the holiday season for some time to write/draw)
My Most Used Tags - 'Rape/Non-Con Elements' - I mean, I'm bad enough with this tag anyway but Punkintyre made it all so much worse! 'Anal Sex' - they're all fucking each other (when they're not murdering one another in the woods of course!). 'Past Abuse' - one must have past trauma in order for a tattooed man to heal them, right?
What I learned - That all my readers are freaks (in the most affectionate way possible!) But seriously, this was a revelation - after the Hunter/Prey AU, I allowed myself to write darker, more explicit fics and it has been weirdly liberating. Like writing all the darkness out of me and embracing it in a safe way.
What I want to write next year- Sooooo much! So far, the WIP list looks like this;
- Complete Out of the Ashes
- Part 2 to the Alien Breeding/Experiment AU fic
- The Valets of WWE; Modern Era (first chapter in progress)
- More LA Knight/Nick Aldis fics
- LA Knight/Shinsuke Nakamura, Winner's Room fic
- Red Moon off-shoot featuring Punkintyre (based on an idea proposed by @selamat-linting )
- A little ficlet/art piece based off of my good friend @elementaldoughnut12 's Stripper AU
- Several ficlet requests I have on stand-by in my askbox (requests are always appreciated btw so feel free to send any in)
- Part three of Flint and Steel (one can dream!)
- Not to mention any inspiration that comes my way during Wrestlemania season (keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for a Punk/Gunther feud!!!)
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allunatory · 1 year ago
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@bipbopdepmop Hiya! Hope this doesn't scare you but I'm answering this ask on my minecraft-related art blog LOL
Anyways I have been staring at these asks for the past few days I hope you know that you have a special place in my heart tysm
This is so long, so I'll put it under a readmore- I have a lot to say (And spoilers for anyone who hasn't read Dreams From Within The Cage yet!)
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THANK YOU SO MUCH THOUGH!!! AAAA- I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!
AND YES YES!! I have so much I can say.... First of all I have to thank random ambient noise soundtracks for carrying me through the entire fic. Without them, I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep focus for long stretches of time without getting distracted by something.
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Fun fact: Fic was not titled until it was time to publish LOL- I was so indecisive
I think my original ambition with the fic when I first started was just writing an Apocalypse AU... but at the same I also wanted to write world-hopping. I was inspired by a comic I had read back when I was in the UTMV (Undertale AU) fandom that explored AUs through way of dreams, and I've been wanting to try my own spin on that for a while so this was the perfect opportunity.
Now the plot wasn't actually supposed to go so crazy, that was mainly me getting extreme brainworms over the concept of an inter-dimensional organization stepping in. Originally, it was going to be mainly exploring the grief that comes with being unable to ever see the one person you feel you connect to most. Having to either accept that fact, or find a way to let go. (Definitely way more depressing, i think)
I was so stuck on the plot for a while, how to wrap it up with everything I'd planned. For a while, I was originally planning to have Grian be the one interrogated, in which he would then hide things from Scar to keep him safe, even going so far as to say they should never talk again. And then the real reason would be revealed when GIGA stepped in.
The way that was set up though, it basically meant all the cool stuff was happening where the readers couldn't see it. So after a long conversation with my good friend @/boxofwasps, I had a stunning revelation on how to swap it around- which is where the fic stands today. I think I remember literally stopping in my tracks and going "Wait. I know how to fix this. I know what I need to do." and Sprinting for my doc to write it down. Imagine me with a cork board and a bunch of red string- that was me putting this fic together
Another fun thing was that, I had so much fun writing the apocalypse world in chapter 1 that I partially wanted to just keep writing that instead of moving on with the plot LOL. I think if I had more time I definitely would have fleshed out some of the AUs they were in, as well as Scar's travels in the waking world and his own lingering trauma
Another fun fact? Me and @/cuteiemonster actually have a whole alternate timeline tree exploring the various ways the plot could have differed if things were just ever so slightly different. There's three main ones, though. Dreams (canon timeline), Nightmares (scar's awful no-good very bad day), and Delusions (grian's awful no-good very bad day) with varying degrees of angst. Please talk to me about them, because I'll likely never write anything about them but I have so many notes.
OKAY AND NOW TO ANSWER THE SECOND PART OF YOUR QUESTION!!!
I'm guessing you're asking about the cage from the hanging cages chapter? I love that scene so much btw there's so much symbolism there.
Every one of the main characters in the fic is stuck in their own cage, in a different way. I think in that chapter in particular, the cages themselves represented the fact that Scar and Grian were both trapped in separate universes. Leaving the cage wasn't an option, there. All they could do was reach across the gap and try to make do that way. Scar fiddling with the bolts of his cage is a show of his motivations and ambitions to escape the confines of his universe to get to Grian, far before he even says it aloud.
Grian stays in his cage because to him, there is no other way out. He's weighed the options, seen the dangers- and even the smallest movements out of line cause the cage to sway. It's just not worth it to try anything different, even if it means being trapped for an eternity...
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I AM SO FLATTERED THAT YOU NOT ONLY READ IT BUT RE-READ IT??? HELLO?? I'm sobbing
I am so so so excited to write more for this series, I'm not going to lie. I've been writing notes and gathering ideas for what exactly I want to focus on for a potential sequel. Thanks to help from @/cuteiemonster I have a lot of headcanons for their roommate (yes, roommate) behavior. As well as what they're up to post-fic!
I will say, there is a chance there will be something I put out before the sequel fic- depending on where my motivations lie. I've been thinking about writing the story of Scar's family, and what happened to them. After all, Scar wasn't always alone out there, in the wastelands... Ooh, just thinking about it just makes me excited
The main reason I haven't immediately jumped to write more already is mainly due to school taking up a lot of my time atm! Not to mention I've been getting into a new minecraft server I've been playing in (if you see the art I've been posting to this account LOL), which is basically just every trope I'm obsessed with (Multiversal Purgatory...)
AND!!!! INSPIRATIONS AND STUFF! The anomaly was originally going to be a Creature of uknown origins, but I felt it would be more fun to make it someone with a name and face. Mumbo was a character I've been really interested in writing, so it was a bit of a no-brainer when it came to picking him. Though, it did change things slightly, because the anomaly was originally going to be an irredeemable villain character. But the more I wrote about Mumbo, the more I was like "dude this guy is too wet of a cat to be a villain on purpose" so instead we ended up with the Mumbo in the fic, who's just ever so slightly too casual about world corruption (against his will)
As for universes? I'm going to be honest, pretty much all of the universes in this fic were pretty much straight from my own noggin. I just wrote whatever felt right! There was that Pirate AU with renchanting and navy captain Grian, the Graveyard AU with a groundskeeper Scar and vampire Grian, the Superhero AU with Hotguy and the unnamed villain Grian (who's either named Xelqua or Poultry Man lets be real). A lot of the universes I wrote in-depth about were universes that I would love to write standalone fics of, so this fic itself was partially a collage of various ideas that I may or may not ever write about.
MAN I wrote way more than I was expecting. Tbh I could've written more but I don't want to keep you for TOO long LOL! If you want to talk more about it I'm so chill to chat on discord or through tumblr messaging (im crazy)
Ok one more thing
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This snippet from chapter 1 is Lizzie from Empires season 2 okay goodbye
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buefried · 6 months ago
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Im gonna copy past bullet points till I can get ti my computer and make a proper post
If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!!
2. Rereading my own work.I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration.
Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own.
Ooh this next 2 are my favorite (mainly because I think it's something I struggle with
This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later.
GUYS GUYS SAMDOESART JUST DID A VIDEO ON THIS!! LIKE LITERALLY HE SAID AND I QUOTE (I think) "you make the best work when you don't have expectations" (example he made was drawing on your homework, and yk like you don't expect to make anything good but then you do because you didn't care, he explains it more susinctly)
3. Marinating in the headspace of the story.For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.
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This is why I draw tbh lol
As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.
side note this also means pacing yourself, not push yourself (hey that rymed)
Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.
Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!
Come back to me in like 8 hours I'm getting on a plane
How I learned to write smarter, not harder
(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)
A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.
The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.
As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!
Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!
2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)
Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.
Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.
I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.
Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!
This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.
As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.
When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD
People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.
What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!
What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.
You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.
And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.
And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.
If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?
And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD
In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.
Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.
Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)
And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)
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theoldandnewfirm · 3 years ago
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Goodbye James
Fandom: Trollhunters (Tales of Arcadia)
Pairing: Barbara Lake/Walter Strickler (Stricklake)
Rating: Teen
Summary: A while back I suggested an AU where Barbara kills James and calls on her good friend Walter for help. I decided to write a snippet from that world.
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When the blare of a ringtone jars him from sleep in the middle of the night, Walter automatically reaches for his Order phone. Who else would be calling him at such an unholy hour? But as he swipes the phone off his nightstand the acerbic greeting on his tongue dies. The phone is silent, the screen dark.
It’s his personal phone ringing. The one he reserves for his dealings with humans. The one he keeps on Do Not Disturb at all times because there are no humans he's interested in talking to.
Except one.
Incoming call from Nimue, reads the screen.
Well. That’s not good.
He grabs the phone and answers, all traces of grogginess gone. “Barbara? What’s wrong?”
“Hey, Walt. Can you—can you come watch Jim, for me? For a few hours?”
His heart stutters. The distant, hollow tone in her voice is familiar, but out of place. It belongs to shell-shocked soldiers, or to survivors found shuffling aimlessly through fields of rubble. Not to her.
“What happened?” he asks.
Silence.
Several seconds pass. He tries again, gently, “Barbara?”
“I killed James.”
“You what?”
“Can you please just come over?” Her voice breaks into a sob. He waits while she collects herself. She clears her throat a few times before continuing, “I need—I need to call the cops. And Jim needs someone there with him, because I know they’re going to interrogate him and I won’t—I can’t—” She sniffles, “Please, Walt. I wouldn’t ask if I had anyone else.”
His mind whirs; it had begun composing responses to her plea before she’d finished speaking. “I told you I’d help in any way I could, but I didn’t mean this.” “I appreciate that you trust me so much. And I know you’re afraid. But you must call the police now; it’s the right thing to do.” “Can’t Ms. Domzalski take Jim? She’s blind as a bat, she’ll hardly notice the bloodstains.”
He scrubs a hand over his face. There are no good answers, and one that’s very wrong. It could cost him his career, his freedom, his life—
“Walt?”
—which is the same price she’ll pay if he denies her.
Was this so different from desperate calls and visits he’d received from changelings who, to use the kinder vernacular, had screwed the pooch? He’d cleaned messes bigger than murdered husbands for people he liked far less. And he’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t find great satisfaction in vanishing all traces of James Lake, Sr., from the earth.
He sighs deeply and then, over the klaxons being sounded by his common sense says, “Are you sure your neighbors haven’t called?”
“Called…?”
“The police. Do you hear sirens?”
“N-no. Not yet. I mean, I don’t know if they called, but if they did, they aren’t here yet. The windows are closed, and the blinds are down, I don’t know if they would have seen—”
“Okay. That’s good. Where’s Jim?”
“With—with me. We’re in…a different room from James.”
“Good, good,” he says, voice gentle, soothing. “Barbara, love, here’s what I need you to do. Are you listening carefully?”
“Yes.”
“I need you to stay right where you are. Don’t move, don’t touch anything. Same thing for Jim. It will be tempting to clean off any ev—any blood, or anything else that might have gotten on either of you. But don’t. And do not call the police or anyone else until I arrive. All right?”
“Okay.”
“I’m on my way now,” he says as he climbs out of bed. His body moves on autopilot, assembling the things he needs: dark clothes, a satchel containing certain magical arcana, and his go bag. “I’ll meet you at your back door. If anyone else shows up in the meantime—”
You’re on your own. I’m sorry.
“—then stay calm and deal with them as best you can. And if the police do show up, say nothing without an attorney. Not a single word.”
As an afterthought, he throws the Gun Robot action figure he’d purchased for Jim’s birthday into the satchel. His father’s death was a far better present, though he doubted the boy was at an age to appreciate that. Hopefully the toy would at least distract him while Walter focused on the evening’s work.
He knows shock well; knows that she knows it too, but it’s one thing to be educated on the effects and another to be living them yourself. He asks, in that same comforting tone, “Would you mind repeating back to me what I said?”
“Um…” she sniffles again, “Don’t call the cops. Stay where I am. Don’t touch anything. Don’t answer the door unless I have to. And…you’ll meet me at the back.”
“Perfect,” he says. He eyes the car keys on his nightstand, then dismisses the idea. With no vehicle to tie him to the scene, it'll be harder to prove he was there. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. I know it’s difficult under these circumstances, but please be patient until I arrive.”
He hangs up. After a second’s debate, he leaves the phone on the nightstand, too, for the same reason as the keys.
You’re a fool, his commonsense rages as he quietly exits his apartment. If the courts don’t finish her, Gunmar will. So what if she rots in prison? Or even gets the needle? One way or another her life is over; you’re just prolonging the inevitable.
The apartment building backs out to a greenbelt dotted by thickets and clusters of mature trees. The neighborhood is nearly empty this time of night; he only risks being spotted by vagrants and drunks, and neither were known for their trustworthy testimony.
He exits the gate from the property to the greenbelt and stops under an elm a few yards away from the fence line. Is this foolishness? Yes. Is it pointless in the end? Also, yes.
But the thought of Barbara—clever, beautiful Barbara with all her dreams and potential—shuttered away brings acid to his throat. Knowing that he could have spared her that fate, could have kept her in his life, and did nothing—well that would kill him too, he thinks, in a different way.
And so, in a flash of green he shifts forms and takes to wing.
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martsonmars · 2 years ago
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Hello friends! I'm having a super busy week (which is really unusual in this period of my life), so I had no time for new words. Which means, different kind of post.
I need to keep working on my COBB because I really want to have a regular posting schedule, but I have to avoid feeling stuck with it. I'm a WIP hopper, I need to follow inspiration and start new projects all the time, so feeling like I have to work on ONE fic and nothing else kills my creativity. So, I want to continue one of my other WIPs. But I have too many shorter projects that are equally close to being finished (which means... 25 to 50% drafted), so I'm asking for help to choose one to continue.
It's possible I'll ignore your suggestions in the end, but help me choose anyway! (Usually receiving suggestions when I can't decide between some options makes me realise that deep down I had already chosen, and I just needed someone to suggest another option to feel disappointed and be like ok but actually I wanted to do that other thing—)
Anyway. WIPs and tags under the cut!
1. pirate blouse
I started this fic to reply to an ask after one of those prompt things I reblog sometimes. It's half written, I think.
Plot: Simon is a stressed TA and Baz shows up to his class in a... provoking outfit. Simon loses it.
Quote: Nobody's paying attention to their insane TA going off on one of their mates. Good. I don't need a complaint for assault to drive my doctorate even farther away from my grasp.
I just need Grimm-Pitch to leave my classroom and come back wearing proper trousers before my overworked brain cells decide to go on permanent strike. (I'm not sure they haven't deserted me already.)
2. holiday
I haven't written much of this one, but I have the whole thing in mind. Just need to find a way to turn my ideas into words.
Plot: Friends to lovers. Simon goes on holiday with the Grimms. He and Baz have to share a bed in the same room as Malcolm and Daphne.
Quote I've already shared: When I wake up with my erection pressed against Baz's arse and his father snoring five feet away from us, I remember why I didn't want to come.
3. pine baz
I wrote half of this fic in a couple of hours and then didn't touch it for almost 2 months. Now that I've reread it I really want to continue it.
Plot: Baz is a dryad. Simon's a woodcutter. Imagine the rest.
Quote I've probably already shared: “Who are you?” the man asked, blue eyes squinting up at Basil's shadow.
“I am the pine.”
~~~
Simon didn't know many things, but he was pretty sure that pines weren't pretty men with long dark hair and pouty lips.
4. mosquito fic
This one is me channeling my hate for mosquito and mosquito-sponsored sleepless nights into a fic where the Mosquito Tragedy that ends better for Simon than it ever does for me.
Plot: Simon's haunted by a mosquito. Who might this mosquito be???
Quote: It looks like it's trying to connect his moles in constellations with its bites.
For fuck's sake.
See what this whole thing is doing to him? It's making him poetic. Making him describe his morbid relationship with a fucking bug like a fanfiction writer would.
I thought I had more WIPs to share but I realised I'm not in the mood for any of the others (mainly because they're all fics I barely started writing, so they're nowhere close to being done, unlike the others). I'll just leave the working titles, happy to say more about them in the comments if you ask:
- cooking show
- cat door
- simpard baby
- pasta trauma
- cheeseburger smut
@wellbelesbian @urban-sith @tea-brigade @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @facewithoutheart @palimpsessed @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @johnwgrey @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @whatevertheweather @jbrrring @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @letraspal @dragoneggo @captain-aralias @takitalks @theotherhufflepuff @otherworldsivelivedin @excalisbury @shemakesmeforget @starwarned @cutestkilla @ileadacharmedlife @gekkoinapeartree @bazzybelle @bloodiedpixie @stardustasincocaine @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @angelsfalling16 @basiltonbutliketheherb @messofthejess @ivelovedhimthroughworse @nightimedreamersworld @artsyunderstudy @foolofabookwyrm-activated @ionlydrinkhotwater @yellobb @orange-peony
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sakebytheriver · 2 years ago
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I really didn't think I would write another chapter of this fic after how the last episode ended, but my brain wouldn't let me rest until I made this final installment, mainly for my own need for closure.
Anyways I hope I made you all care about a rarepair that was never going to happen as much as I did.
Find part one here
And part two here
~~~~
Okay.
Maybe he could work with this wish.
Nandor hadn't specified which Marwa he wanted transformed into Freddie. The djinn could use the semantics of the wording to create a clone of Marwa and transform that one into a Freddie clone while saving the original Marwa and reversing the wish put upon her by Nandor or something close to that, it didn't really matter, all that mattered was that the djinn was able to save Marwa and finally get her out of this hell of Nandor's creating.
Marwa woke up in the mancave coming to with a sharp gasp like the first breath taken after your head breaches the surface of the water right before your lungs began to burn. In an instant there was a flood of memories returned to her, the time she spent with the djinn, the time she was brainwashed to be Nandor's perfect wife, and somehow the inherent knowledge that the djinn's wishes were used to change her and the only reason she was safe right now was because a clone of her had been sent in her place to take a final Freddie sized bullet.
Her head felt like someone had stuck her brain in a blender and pushed the highest setting. She staggered around the mancave swallowing the bile crawling up her throat.
Before the world could right itself she was hit with an even bigger feeling of deja vu as the djinn appeared in front of her shoving the same wad of cash they'd hidden away together into her hands.
"Marwa, you need to run," the money in her hand a familiar weight from a better memory, a better time, a better version of the two of them. She looked up at the djinn with wide confused eyes still feeling a million miles away.
"I don't- I was just-" she stuttered.
"I know. Marwa, I'm so sorr-"
Her hand hit his face with a solid slap so violent that it echoed through the empty room cutting off his apology.
The djinn looked back up into her eyes, the confusion gone, now replaced with a swirl of rage and pain and betrayal twisting in her iris. Marwa held firm for only a moment before hot tears burned their way out of her defenses spilling down her face. An ugly sob wretched its way from her lips as she grabbed the collar of his jacket tight in her hands clenching her fingers and her face so tight it hurt more than the pain in her head. But just as the djinn's arms came up to wrap around her she pushed him off her so violently he had to catch himself from falling.
Marwa wiped at her face roughly leaving behind red patches as she desparately tried to clear any sign of her tears from her face. All the while the stack of money remained clenched in her hand.
"I'm going to take this money and I'm going to get out of here," Marwa spoke without looking at the djinn keeping her voice level and emotionless. She took the djinn's lamp and cradled it close to her chest along with the money still refusing to look him in the eye. "And as soon as Nandor's final wish is granted, come find me. You and I have promises to keep."
"Y-you and I- promises?" The djinn stuttered, she couldn't possibly be talking about their plan from before this all happened, she couldn't still want to free him after this.
"I'm going to free you," she did, this woman couldn't be real. "And I will ask you for immortality and then you will walk away from me," she finally looked up to meet his eyes. "But in a hundred years, come find me again," the djinn couldn't hold back the twitch at the corner of his mouth. "If you still want to that is."
Marwa held the djinn's eye contact as long as she could before she felt the tears collecting in her eyes threaten to fall. Looking at him in this room she built with her bare hands, a room she only wanted because it was what Nandor wanted, and she only wanted what Nandor wanted because of the djinn's magic. He'd taken everything from her in a click of his pen and he could have left her to become a completely different person, in fact he had left her clone to become one. There were too many painful memories attached to him, looking at him now just broke her heart.
She turned away from him letting the tears slip silently down her cheeks the second he couldn't see her, walking silently to the door of the mancave. As she reached the door her hand already outstretched she couldn't make herself open it.
Marwa looked back over her shoulder at the djinn, his eyes had never left her.
"I don't want to say goodbye to you, because I'm mad at you. But I want to say goodbye to you, because I still love you." As the words left her mouth tears left her eyes.
The djinn's breath caught in his throat, "Marwa, I'm so sorry," he felt his own eyes grow watery. "I love you too."
Marwa took a shaky breath in before turning back to the door finally slipping out leaving the djinn to feel the most alone he had ever felt in his thousands of years of life.
________________________
It was exactly ten months, twenty three days, four hours, ten minutes, and fifty seven seconds since he had said goodbye to Marwa that Nandor made his final wish and the djinn let his lamp call him away in a puff of smoke. For the first time in months when he opened his eyes he was greeted by the familiar cheesy "I Dream of Genie" decor he had gotten used to over the years, he'd almost missed it.
The djinn let himself flow out of the lamp to find himself in a tiny cabin on an arctic research vessel in the middle of the ocean. Strewn about every flat surface were notebooks and papers of research and observations about the aurora borealis in the area, but what really caught his eye was a single worn picture hung on the wall with a little peice of tape of the research team all dressed in big puffy winter coats and beanies and there standing in the middle of the group was Marwa with the biggest grin he had ever seen on her face.
The djinn was filled with an intense burst of warmth filling his chest at the sight of her smile even just in picture form it was blinding. He had the sense that this was the kind of life she was always meant for.
The cabin door opened with a loud metalic creaking that felt like a church mouse compared to the sharp gasp Marwa let out at the sight of him.
"You're here," the door closed behind her with a solid thunk.
"I am." He gestured around the room, "And so are you, how did you?"
Marwa laughed, "You'd be surprised what you can do with a big wad of cash and some forged documents from the girl with the multicolored hair working at the genius bar."
"Of course," the djinn grinned letting himself get lost in her eyes. He'd missed her.
They stood like that for God knows how long just taking each other in before Marwa broke the trance holding out her hand.
"I believe you have something for me," the djinn looked at her with confusion and she smiled, "In your front pocket."
Realization hit as the djinn remembered the wish she had written down for him so many months ago. He slipped the folded paper into her hand as easily as breathing and as she unfolded it to read the wish aloud his heart threatened to burst from his chest.
"I wish for the djinn to be free of his lamp keeping his powers to grant wishes and any other abilities he has only now he gets to choose what wishes will be granted." She read the words as if they weren't everything he had ever dreamed would be spoken to him and with one click of his pen the wish had been granted.
"It is done," before their very eyes the djinn lamp began to rust and warp aging thousands of years in a mere second before it disintegrated into ashes.
The djinn's wide grin at the sight was completely involuntary, but the glee he felt definitely wasn't.
Marwa discarded the wish paper on her desk absentmindedly, the djinn swept it up before it even stopped moving folding it back up and slipping it back in his pocket.
"Now, wasn't there something else you wanted to ask me?" The djinn fixed his glasses and clasped his hands behind his back.
Marwa shook her head, "I promised that your first free wish would be your own, I won't take that from you."
Of course she would say that, she was Marwa, the first and only person he had ever fallen in love with and she had proved yet again there was a damn good reason for that.
"Then for my first free wish, I give you the gift of immortal life."
"Djinn."
"Marwa," he stopped her by gently placing his hands on her cheeks, Marwa's came up to hold his against her reflexively, "All I want is for you to have anything and everything you have ever wanted to live the life you deserve. If immortality will give that to you then I'm more than happy to give my first free wish to you."
Marwa studied his face as he spoke and before she knew she was doing it she'd pulled him in connecting their lips violently their teeth clacking. Her hand tangled in his hair as his arms slipped down to wrap around her waist the kiss deepening as they pulled each other as close together as they could.
Just as quickly as she had pulled him in Marwa pulled away from the kiss catching her breath as the two laughed softly at their antics.
"I'm still mad at you, but I think I forgive you," Marwa's lips brushed against the djinn's as she spoke.
"Well, I guess I'll see you in a hundred years," the djinn whispered almost hoping if he said it outloud she would take it back.
Marwa smiled, "Make it fifty, we'll get coffee."
She let herself slip out of his embrace turning to open her cabin door.
"The Louvre," the djinn stopped her. She turned back to him confused. "I'm going to take you to the Louvre then we'll get coffee."
Marwa grinned at him before she disappeared out the cabin door.
The djinn smiled at the door, he let himself take in the room around him one more time looking at all of her notes and papers thrown haphazardly over every surface. An idea popped into his head and suddenly he was writing a note on a blank sheet.
For you, it'll never run out of ink.
He placed his magic pen down on the paper next to the note.
The djinn straightened up with a smile, fifty years would pass like the blink of an eye for him and in the meantime he was free for the first time in his life and he knew exactly where he would go. In a puff of smoke he disappeared from the boat and reappeared at his destination.
"Hello, I'd like one ticket for the next tour, please," he smiled at the attendent behind the counter as they prepared his ticket.
The djinn looked up at the Colosseum and for the first time in his thousands of years of life he was seeing it in person.
There were definitely a lot of tours he would be crossing off his list in those fifty years.
________________________
It appeared a month before the fifty year mark was about to be hit. Marwa was in Istanbul at the Ataturk Library with a pile of books surrounding her, half she read and even more she was planning to read. And just as she turned the page a plane ticket popped into existence tucked into the pages like a bookmark.
Marwa looked around to see if anyone was watching her before she took the ticket in hand reading the note left scrawled in the djinn's handwriting.
To be used exactly a month from now, I will be waiting at the front of the Louvre at 6, I hope to see you there but understand if I don't
Marwa smiled, the ticket had to be magic because all it said was "Wherever Marwa is to Paris". She thought about the last fifty years, how each day flew by, but still she learned so much in every one of them taking every new opportunity that came her way, spending several of her years attending different colleges, taking each research trip offered to her and taking every chance she could to see every corner of the world she could reach.
Yet as she absentmindedly started to chew on the end of the magic pen left to her by the djinn she found that a part of her really would have liked doing all of that with the djinn by her side.
And in a months time she had used that plane ticket to take her to Paris and hours before 6 she was seated at a cafe across the street from the Louvre watching the djinn already sitting out front reading a newspaper. She sat there watching him read for hours just waiting for her to walk up and say something to him or for her to never show, there was no telling how long he'd been there before her, but Marwa enjoyed just watching him thinking about how much time he had spent with his thoughts only on waiting for her.
Marwa had to admit, she'd missed him and she liked the idea that he'd missed her too.
Just as her watch hit 6, Marwa walked out of the cafe making her way to stand directly in front of the djinn where he sat. She gently pushed the paper down to look him in the eye.
The djinn smiled, "You came."
"I did," she smiled. "I've been watching you for hours actually."
"Really?"
"You didn't know?"
"I turned off my instant knowledge of you a long time ago. I want you to always surprise me."
Marwa smiled leaning down to plant a soft kiss on the djinn's lips.
"How long have you been sitting out here?"
"Since last night."
Marwa laughed at his response, "Well come on, get up. I want you tell me everything you know about every work of art inside that building."
Tha djinn stood folding his paper up, leaving it behind on the ground.
"Everything? About all of them? That could take till tomorrow."
Marwa shrugged, "And the next day."
"And the next," the djinn smiled.
"And the next after that," Marwa slipped her arm into the djinn's leading him towards the Louvre.
"And maybe even the next after that one," he placed his hand over hers.
"Well, then how lucky for us that we have an infinite amount of days to get it done."
Marwa grinned looking up into the djinn's eyes, the two of them feeling ready for the eternity of freedom ahead of them.
The freedom they now had together.
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that-foul-legacy-lover · 3 years ago
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Pocket moth anon here, I was writing up a long semi fic about a large FL, and stupid tumblr crashed on me and wiped my draft. Sad. But anyways, I was thinking about researcher/ruin diver/adventurer reader You, finding a very large FL in a domain, very large as in he can comfortably cat loaf inside a room in the domain and he fits about as well as a dog in a doghouse.
Giant FL moth wakes up from his slumber at your approach and is very happy to meet you. The more time you spend with him, the more relaxed you both become in each other's company. He bleps and purrs at you, lets you rest on his palm, and lets you take naps on his neck fluff which is very expansive and very soft, warm, and fluffy.
You frequently come to visit him, reading or even singing to him since it seems he recognizes and likes the sound of your voice.
I feel like you would have to dedicate an entire month or so if you wanted to try to groom his hair or his floof due to the sheer volume of it and the difference in size between you and him.
gahhh tumblr why do you do this D:< that's why i usually write stuff in a google doc and copy-paste it over onto a tumblr post!!!! my writing doc is,,,,,,, long,,,,,,,,,,,,
anyways this is making me squeal in delight- giant FL moth you say?? i'm thinking Azhdaha sized, maybe even his domain is sealed in a similar fashion either because he was dangerous or people were scared of him. years pass by while he's peacefully sleeping away in his domain until you stumble upon him, maybe by chance or maybe because you've heard a few stories here and there, which wakes him up with a "mrrp?" he's so delighted to meet you!! even if you're,,,, less than delighted to meet him,,, more scared out of your mind actually, but he's determined to show you that he means no harm. gently picking you up and blepping at you as he raises you to eye level, and letting out deep purrs that make the ground tremble when you hesitantly put a hand on his face. it's comforting, really, and time flies so fast when you realize that you need to head home or risk being stuck out in the dark.
of course you visit again, there's no way you can resist, and when you enter the domain and call out for Childe he trills in happiness upon hearing your voice- that's how he mainly recognizes you, your voice and your scent. he's been alone and asleep for so long that he greatly cherishes your visits, letting you sit in his hand or his fluff, gently nudging your cheek with the side of his claws, and purring and rumbling as you try to give his entire face scritches. one day you try to comb his fluff and hair and the entire time he was rumbling in bliss as you tried not to DROWN in how much fur there was!!
if i may add on an idea- perhaps Zhongli sealed him into the domain for one reason or another, and he finds that you've unlocked it and have been sneaking out to see Childe and goes to confront him, mostly because he doesn't want you to get hurt >:)c
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yesttoheaven · 4 years ago
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AMOR FATI
pairing – neil x female!reader
wc – 3.8k
warnings – mention of death, self-blame, anxious/intrusive thoughts, questioning reality, refusal of help, guns, stalking, but I swear there's a light at the end of the tunnel haha
a/n – The last time I suffered so hard for the death of a character, was when Newt died (Maze Runner) and now Neil has captured all my attention and his death has hit me in the same way 😩 I needed a happy ending so I decided to write this!
The Eternal Return and Amor Fati mentioned in this fic are one of the main ideas of Nietzsche's philosophy.
English is not my first language. I am getting help from google translator and he is not always a good ally, so I apologize for any typos or grammar errors.
Y/N – your name
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She approached the painting hanging on the wall, watching the details closely. Ouroboros. A serpent eating its own tail. Months ago, when Y/N was visiting an antique store in Mumbai, she saw that same symbol. The owner of the establishment approached when she realized her interest in the piece and explained that Ouroboros represents the ideas of movement, continuity and, in consequence, Eternal Return. A concept that the universe and all existence and energy has been recurring, and will continue to recur, in a self-similar form an infinite number of times across infinite time or space.
"Max finally fell asleep." Kat returned to the living room, attracting Y/N's attention.
She walked away from the painting, taking back her seat on the sofa and asked:
"How is he after everything that happened?"
For a moment, Kat looked at the painting on the wall and then at the friend she won in the midst of confusion over the Algorithm. At that time, despite being fighting on the front lines to prevent a possible Third World War, Y/N seems complete. Happy. Today that happiness no longer exists in her eyes.
Letting out a sigh, the woman sat next to her, answering:
"Sator was never a present father. He was always busy... now i can see the kind of work he was involved in. Anyway, Max just got used to his absence."
"It's notable that he's happier at your side. When we first met Max was a bit of an introvert, but today he is radiant." Y/N confessed, showing a small smile and the blonde shook her head, agreeing with her words. "How's everything?"
"Perfectly well. It's weird sometimes... After years of being stuck in a failed relationship, freedom is good."
"It seems like life is good for one of us." The woman let out a bitter laugh, putting the latest events on a scale, but she didn’t want her friend to think she wasn’t happy for her. She really was. "I'm sorry, I just..." The words remain stuck in her throat, while she covers her face with her hands. In addition to physical and mental fatigue, Y/N tried to hide her grief.
Kat touched her shoulder, showing that she was here.
"I know you're hurt, but it's been three months and you never talked about what happened that day... This is not good for you."
"What do I have to say, Kat? The guy I fell in love with was a fucking time traveler! And now he's dead and I don't know what to do. My life just... stopped without him."
"I can imagine how difficult it's for you to cross that line without Neil at your side, but giving up is not an option. Grief is consuming you little by little and you are just accepting it..."
"We are trained to contain our emotions and deal with death in the best possible way. It used to be easy for me, but then he came and turned my life upside down." Y/N put her hands on her knees and stood up, walking without an exact destination. "Neil was always one step ahead of us all..." She stepped forward too and found the painting again, but her mind was lost in thoughts about him. Neil knew her so well. And he had a charming smile, but completely arrogant at the same time. "I was sent to Mumbai to help two agents and when I arrived at Priya's penthouse that night, there he was. When he saw me, that was the first and only time that he let his guard down. I'll never forget how he looked at me, it was one of those breathtaking moments... Completely cliché, I know."
On the sofa, Kat was impressed. When Y/N turned towards her, there was a bright smile on her face. The simple memory brought her a breath of happiness and Kat enjoyed seeing her friend like that, but unfortunately that moment did not last long. Memories aren't enough. Neil is dead and nothing can change that.
"I miss him so much, Kat." The smile disappeared as soon as tears appeared in her eyes, cascading down her cheeks.
"My dear..." Worried about her, the woman got up quickly and approached Y/N, wrapping her in a tight hug. "I'm really sorry."
"I spent the last three months locked up in my a-apartment because I thought I could handle this situation on my own. At times I b-believed it was just a fever dream... Maybe I was losing my mind, but this is proof that everything was real." Through tears blurring her vision, she looked at the watch on her wrist, remembering that night.
Y/N was in a private cabin on the ship. The others were with Ives and Wheeler, going over the mission in search of any loose ends. A standard procedure. Y/N knew she should be with them, but she needed a moment alone to organize her thoughts. And that moment is now. The past few weeks had been a real mess. The inversion was difficult to explain and mainly to understand. She was used to field missions, but being an inverted soldier on the battlefield was not in her plans. Either way, she agreed to be a part of it and running away with biased assumptions was not going to help. Humanity depends on them.
Three knocking on the door caught Y/N's attention, but she remained silent, waiting for the person to give up and leave, but when it didn't, she just murmured 'Come in'.
"So, here you are." The man used a surprised tone of voice and closed the door behind him. "What will our superior think when he learns that you are running away from the briefing?"
She let out a laugh before answering in the same mood:
"Don't worry, I know this mission like the back of my hand. I just needed a moment."
"There's something wrong? Are you ok?" Neil spilled the questions quickly, visibly concerned for her.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Neil." Y/N smiled at him, but looked away just seconds later, confessing: "Maybe I'm a little surprised by the situation. I have spent years dealing with terrorists, but the inversion is really not my point."
"I'm not good with advice, but someone once said to me: Don't try to understand. Certain things in the world do not need an explanation."
"It's wise advice, but I'm a methodical person. Logic has always been my ally in missions."
"A methodical person, huh?" He asked with an arrogant smile playing on his lips and she just rolled her eyes. "I know how worried you were when Sator shot Kat, but we are using the inversion to save the world and you're one of the most brilliant agents I have ever seen. Everything will be fine."
"Are you praising me?"
"What's that? Can't I praise my partner's talent?" Neil pulled up a chair to sit across from her, crossing his arms.
"In that case, thank you. Remind me to put this on my resume." Those words made him laugh and that sound could easily be compared to music in her ears.
Touching her knee, Neil added:
"We are very confident with the mission. You don't need to worry."
"Are you sure?"
"I cannot say that unforeseen events do not happen, but we are prepared for that." Y/N knew he was right, but this mission is the biggest one so far. It's not about saving a country. It's about saving the entire world. This was arousing insecurities in her and it was like walking in a minefield. Ironically, she was familiar with this, but not in such catastrophic proportions. "I want you to have this." The man took his watch off his wrist and handed it to her.
"What’s that supposed to mean?" The question came out as a whisper from between her lips.
It didn't make sense. Why does everything in this conversation look like a farewell?
"We will be on opposite sides tomorrow, but i want you to know... I will always be with you, Y/N."
"I saw the way he looked at you... That's how I used to look at Sator before he became a monster in my life." Kat started, running a hand through Y/N's hair. "When I was lying on that stretcher and partially drugged with the medicines, I saw him beside you... watching you sleep. There was so much love in his eyes. Love for a lifetime, Y/N. So don't do this to yourself. The way he left hurt us all, but there was nothing you or any other agent could do to change what happened at Stalask-12. Neil saved the world. This gave us a second chance. You cannot give up now. This organization needs you. And keeping your mind busy at that moment is the first step towards a fresh start."
"N-No, I can't..." She broke the hug, shaking her head in denial. "I left the organization."
"What? Don't you work for Tenet anymore? But when we first met you told me that you can't imagine working in another area... And that this is your life's work."
"Being an agent is my life's work. I was in Yemen when Tenet found me and assigned me to this mission. My only job is to make this world a less hostile place, but the motto of this organization is not what I believe, Kat. What's happened's happened. Really? It doesn't work for me." Y/N ended the sentence with drops of anger in her voice and Kat did not say a single word.
Through the newspapers, Max's mother followed what was happening in Yemen over the years – a real endless war – and knowing that Y/N was in the middle of it, makes the situation unquestionable. People died in front of her eyes. Friends of the corporation. And then some time later, Tenet arrived with a fresh start, but in the end everything remained the same. She lost Neil. It is as if her life's work never had a happy ending because the world will never stop being a hostile place.
"He knows?" It was easy for Y/N to identify who she was talking about. The Protagonist. Or just TP.
"Here's another problem. I worked with him and indirectly worked for him at the same time! God, that man created this organization! And his name remains a mystery to us all!" She pinched the tip of her nose, feeling frustrated with all the secrets that haunt this organization. "And answering your question, yes, he knows, but he did not argue about it. I was a complete mess and he was not doing very well either... He stayed in my apartment for the first month, probably to make sure I didn't do anything stupid." And Y/N would be forever grateful for that. She likes him. Just as friends, of course. TP was a reserved man, but it was he who held her when everything was falling apart. "But we've had a fight. I blamed him for what happened at Stalask-12 and since then we haven't spoken anymore."
It was easy to see that they carried more pain than they could actually bear. Y/N lost her great love and the man lost his best friend. The situation just turned into a conflict between them and that was the result.
Realizing the sadness reflected in Y/N's eyes, Kat decided to change the subject of the conversation. Keeping that thought, she smiled and pointed to the painting on the wall. Maybe that could help.
"You seemed interested in this one."
"Oh yes, in my spare time I am a lover of art and its meanings. It is really attractive the way Ouroboros is connected to the Eternal Return..."
"And Amor Fati too." Kat completed, piquing Y/N's curiosity. This part was new to her. "It's impossible to affirm the Eternal Return without loving life. We need to learn that things happen as they do. Sometimes seemingly good. Sometimes seemingly bad. We don’t always get it our way... Unless we choose that whatever way it is, is our way. When we choose to Amor Fati, to love everything that happens, to love our fate, then we will always get it our way. Because the way it is, is the way it is. Unchangable. And therefore it must be good, even if it sucks."
These words touched Y/N's heart. This was a contradiction to what she is experiencing right now. Love your fate. She would like to understand and accept what happened, she really wanted, but why is it so difficult to move on?
Because Neil is dead.
That was the only explanation for her. The end of a relationship would be more acceptable. If he were alive, things would be completely different now. However, grief is overwhelming. How could she just accept what happened?
"I... I gotta go." That was all she managed to say before picking up her bag and leave the penthouse, ignoring Kat's protests.
When the elevator doors closed, an exhausted sigh left her mouth and the instant she saw her reflection in the mirror, Y/N wanted to cry again. After three months alone, she thought visiting her friend would be a good idea. Kat was willing to help, but the problem was that Y/N is not allowing herself to be helped. As soon as the doors opened, she left the metal box and found the hotel lobby partially empty. Her watch showed it was 3:13 AM, this explains the absence of people on the street as well. In front of her car, she searched the bag for the key and coincidentally her cell phone started to vibrate. Probably the text messages were from Kat, but confusion hit Y/N the instant she looked at the identifier and saw that the messages did not belong to any of her contacts.
Stay away from the car
They put a bomb
I'm on my way
Her first reaction was to take a few steps back and look around, trying to understand what’s going on and find the person responsible for these texts, but Y/N was alone in the dark street. When she thought it might be an unnecessary prank, a black SUV approached at high speed. The car stopped just a few meters away from where she was, but that was enough to make her body freeze.
"Y/N, come on!" The man exclaimed, the urgency in his voice would have made her run immediately, but she didn't move. Her feet had frozen on the floor. This cannot be real. "Come on, get in the car! We don't have much time!" He tried again, it was possible to hear the sound of the other cars approaching.
Y/N watched in slow motion the moment he left the car and ran towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"How is this possible?" She asked in a whisper, completely lost in his blue eyes.
"It's good to see you too." Neil admitted, feeling his heart race. She looked so fragile in his arms. Very different from the last time he saw her. "We have to go." He accompanied her to the car and as soon as Y/N took the passenger seat, he returned to his seat.
For her this moment was like a fever dream, so she just looked down and started counting her fingers. One, two, three, four, five... Neil noticed, but said nothing, just kept driving. The cars were fast approaching, but he would do everything possible and impossible to get Y/N away from these people.
"Give me your cell phone." He looked at her for a brief moment, but when Y/N didn’t react, he wasn't sure if she heard it, so he just took the phone from her hand and threw it out the window. That was enough to get her out of the numbness:
"What the fuck, Neil?!"
Despite the adrenaline rushing through his body, the man laughed.
"If I found you because of your cell phone, they can too." After that, he crossed the red light and made a risky turn, trying to end this chase. "Before you ask, no, this is not a dream. Unfortunately this is very real..." Neil didn't like what he saw when he adjusted the rearview mirror. "And now they are getting ready to shoot us."
That observation put Y/N on alert and she looked back, seeing a man with an AKS-74U and another with a Beretta M12.
"If you knew it wasn't a dream, why didn't you bring an armored car?" She ran her tongue between her lips, smiling at the man beside her. Neil tried to argue, but she just took off her seat belt and picked up the Glock 19 stuck in the vest he was wearing.
Y/N crawled out of the car and sat at the window opening. This encouraged the men in the two cars to start shooting, trying desperately to hit her. Neil shouted something that she couldn't understand and then she felt one of his hands on her thigh, giving her stability to continue with the plan. With her arm resting on the roof of the vehicle, Y/N aimed the gun at the car that was closest to them. Her intention was not to start a firefight in the middle of one of the main avenues in the city, but she had no other option. Holding her breath, she fired the first shot and the bullet hit the tire, taking the car out of circulation. Y/N celebrated while preparing for the second car, but dealing with this one was not an easy task. Now they were in a tunnel and, consequently, losing speed because of the other cars that came along the way. Neil left two pats on her leg, indicating that she had better get back in the car and that is what she did. Screams, honks and gunshots echoed through the tunnel, turning the place into a war zone. Whoever these men were, Y/N knew they weren't going to give up.
Tired of playing cat and mouse, she went to the back seat, getting on her knees. Through the broken glass above the trunk, Y/N adjusted the aim of her gun, ignoring the sniper and focusing on the driver. With another accurate shot, the bullet hit the man's chest and he lost control of the vehicle. The car overturned for a while, streaking the asphalt, but no other car was involved in the accident. Y/N sighed in relief and looked for another possible threat, just checking, but when she realized that the area was clean, she returned to the passenger seat, leaving the gun on the dashboard in front of her.
"Next time I'm going to get an armored car." Neil comments, stepping on the gas. "Nice shot, by the way."
"Anytime." Y/N smiled, trying to control her breathing.
With the adrenaline disappearing from her body, it was hard for her to believe that this was really happening. For many nights she cried, wondering what it would be like if Neil just came back to her, but now she was afraid to wake up and realize that it was just another vivid dream.
The sun was rising when they arrived in a shed away from the city. Seen from the outside, the place was a little scary, but the interior wasn't that bad. There was some equipment like trackers, walkie-talkie, bulletproof vests, weapons, ammunition; a table with a mess of papers and on the other side two beds and something that Y/N supposed to be a private bathroom.
"Where we are?"
We. That simple word echoed in her mind. Y/N thought that "we" didn't exist anymore.
"For now in a safe place. It's dangerous for you out there." He answered the question and took a bottle of water, handing it to her after taking a generous sip.
"Who are these people, Neil?" She wanted answers, lots of answers, and that frustrated the british spy because for the first time he didn't know what could happen.
Neil had a mission and that mission ended with him dying in Stalask-12, but after what TP did, everything changed.
"We have a name..." He wanted to say more, he wanted to reassure her, but that was all he had at the moment.
Y/N drank some water and left the bottle on the table, looking at some reports and photos. All photos were of the same man.
Lenard Vaher
"But apparently they don't just want you..."
It took a few seconds and when the realization hit Y/N, concern appeared on her face.
No, not him.
"Where's TP? He's safe, right?"
"He was going to see you when Lenard's men kidnapped him. This happened three weeks ago." And considering the anger in Neil's voice, finding TP was proving an almost impossible task, but in the midst of so much concern, one point attracted Y/N's attention.
"You said he was going to see me..."
"There was something he needed to tell you." Neil sighed, resting his hands on the table. A few strands of blond hair fell over his forehead, but he quickly shook his head back, as he always did. "He returned to Stalask-12, Y/N."
After that statement, the only sound that could be heard was Neil's footsteps closing the distance between them and the first thing she did was put her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Neil smiled. And that was not one of his famous smiles. That was a shy smile. His heart was beating like a drum and it was all because of her. Loving Y/N was something so special and pure, that Neil accepted his fate without a second thought. Saving the world, he was giving her a second chance to live, but now he is the one who received a second chance.
"I missed you every day." Before she could begin to consider the meaning behind his words, he settled his mouth upon hers, robbing her of thought.
She closed her eyes and melted against him, flattening her hands on his arms. Neil caught her bottom lip in his teeth, nibbling and licking at it until she thought she might perish from the intensity of the feeling. She whimpered at the sensation, and he rewarded the sound by deepening the kiss, giving her everything she desired. His tongue stroked hers, slow and insistent. A lush, decadent pleasure unfolded within them, snaking through their veins as though it had lain coiled in anticipation for years.
Just waiting for this moment.
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a/n – really hope you enjoy it and thank you soooo much for reading ;)
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daphnedirose · 3 years ago
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for the writer ask, #3, #4, #20 👀
First of all, I may or may not have screamed when I saw the ask was yours (lowkey fangirling ngl). Noks (can I call you that?), you just made me the happiest human alive by feeding my procrastination, thank you so much <3
Now to the questions:
3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)
Viktor and an OC I'm working on fighting over augmentations. Like this heated argument where they are screaming to each other and cursing, saying all they wouldn't even be able to pronounce with a calm mind while Viktor just slips a truth he wishes he didn't —not because is an insult, but because it's a feeling, and he didn't meant to get the oc more involved in his transformation than she already was.— I want it to be filled with anger and held back feelings, but i need to really build their relationship before I get to that.
4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)
"Your hearts beat to the same rhythm as he pressed his chest against yours, making sure you were still there with him, holding you into his arms just for a few more seconds.
Or at least that's would have happened if he decided to open the door."
One Last Night was supposed to have a completely different ending, where Jayce caught Viktor and the reader sleeping together and (maybe) stepped back from the engagement. That was the original plan, but it made the story seem pointless. I cry with my own writing more than I'd like to admit and the idea of an angsty "what if?" just kept stuck in my head waiting for me to write it, and what could be more heartbreaking than a goodbye you couldn't say? If you read that fic carefully, you can tell that the reader entering the lab seems off because I never mentioned Viktor opening the door, but I know that's a detail that's hard to perceive.
I actually had my roommate read the fic and when she got to that exact sentence she gasped, cursed at me in german, and looked at me in disbelieve; and from what I saw in the reblogs and comments, you guys had a similar reaction, so that's why I love it so much hehe.
20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)
I'LL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THE PARALLELISM FROM THE EXTRA STORY IN ENCHANTED TO MEET YOU OKAY? LIKE THE READER FIXING THE MISTAKES BLITZCRANK'S POWER UNIT HAD, WHEN VIKTOR MISSED THAT FACT WHEN BUILDING HIS OWN AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT CAUSED HIS ENDING. Also, the brief description of their first meeting in the beginning, and the extended version on the extra story... Enchanted To Meet You is probably my favorite fic I've written so far, mainly because it was my first ever idea to start this blog (even if it wasn't the first I posted).
Adding to that, I have used (and will continue using) flowers as symbolisms. Every flower has a completely different meaning and whenever I use them on a fic it's for a reason (Little White Lie, for example, and another fic I hope to finish by Valentine's day) Flowers are beautiful but people only seem to associate them with love, but they hold so many motives and meanings hidden that I just adore bringing to light in some fics.
As you can tell, I like flowers, a lot.
I also have some strong symbolisms planned for a future long fic that follows the arcane timeline, but that's something I'll talk about later since it's angst and I can't it to hurt bad <3
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sarunohadaki · 3 years ago
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DQXI/ATLA Crossover
Crossover week: Home | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
And so it begins! Time to pull out my fat folder of fic ideas!
This one I have a vague plot down but need to work on it a lot to get it to where I want it to be. There are many elements of the spirit world from the Legend of Korra that I think would lend itself very well to the ideas I’m about to discuss, but unfortunately, it’s been whole years since I have last watched the show, which I never finished.
More under the cut because it gets long. Spoilers for a potential future Saru fic and parallels to DQXI and a bit of Legend of Korra.
Rating: T
Relationships: Mainly Adventure/gen, with a dash of luminerik
Fic title idea (given what day this is being posted): Earth, Wind, and Fire
Premise: The fic is set in an Erdrea that has properties of the ATLA universe, mainly bending abilities and the hybrid animals. Yggdrasil is still a giant tree, but in this universe would also serve the dual purpose of being the main gateway into the spirit world.
In this universe, Yggdrasil didn’t quite get to pick who would become the next avatar. I wanted to do something with Harmonic Convergence, but it doesn’t quite work the way I need it to for my purposes. Add it to the drawing board, Alfred!
Mordegon would be human in this. He is Carnelian’s trusted advisor, and therefore, whispers in Carnelian’s ear that the rebirth of the avatar would only cause unnecessary trouble for a world that has been surviving fine without one for 10,000 years. Mordy convinces Carnelian to nearly murder a toddler but in canon fashion said bab ends up in a river for an indefinite amount of time and gets adopted by a rustic village community in the very country that intends to kill him. Great.
All of that being said… who is this avatar, anyway?
Eleven
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Up until he was 16 and completed his village’s traditional rite into adulthood, El had believed he was like all the other kids. Waterbending comes as easily to him as breathing, and he uses it often, though mostly to play pranks on others.
Personality
I’ve looked at Aang and Korra and while both of them are very different avatars, they both have an excitable energy that I just adore. I will take that and inject it into my protagonist, thank you very much.
In a bold departure from meek or even level-headed Eleven, I want to emphasize his mischievous side, the side that stole Dunstan’s joke book as a kid and caused trouble for the other villagers. He has a strong moral compass, is self-assured, and likes to try new things. Maybe he even brags a little bit!
Abilities
He’s a casual waterbender user, but talented enough to still be pretty powerful with it.
El hasn’t used the other elements in a very long time. I say that because I feel like he’d had the ability to use all of them as a child, but Chalky deterred him because he knew to reveal that El was the avatar would be… a very problematic situation. Unlike the rest of the villagers who live in relative peace and ignorance, Chalky is more privy to the dangers of the world and decides to encourage El to stick to one type of bending to keep his identity a secret. Maybe El slips up sometimes, but who cares all that much?
Idk. I’m not sure I’m keeping any of that last paragraph. But as a child, adults tell you stuff all the time and you just believe them, so I can imagine Chalky sitting El down and saying, “You have to pick one element.”
The other characters (speedrun):
Gemma: Firebender (let the girl do things please for the love of Yggie)
Erik — No bending, knives, boomerangs, swords
Veronica — Earthbender
Serena — Waterbender
Sylvando — Airbender! (this fic’s version of a Kyoshi warrior, disguised as a woman when they first meet him, goes by Sylv, genderfluid) — fights with a fan
Jade — Firebender
Rab — Airbender (Later revealed to be the Air Bison the North)
Jasper — Firebender
Hendrik — No bending, shield, greatsword
Worldbuilding
I'm not going to get in-depth. It'd be... a lot. So, I'll just cover which elements are where. No country is distinctly a specific element (there is no named fire nation here), but some areas are going to be heavier on one element than another.
Heliodor: Mostly firebending, with touches of earth and water, particularly in villages like Cobblestone with a lot of waterfalls.
Gallopolis: Earth and airbending.
Octagonia: Mostly earth bending/no bending.
Sniflheim, Gondolia, Puerto Valor, Lonalulu: Waterbending.
Hotto: Firebending.
Phnom Nonh: Earthbending and firebending.
Arboria and Angri-La: Mostly airbending.
Girl’s Medal Academy: Everything, though it’s not the main focus of the school.
Plot
I initially wanted to take the video game plot and mix it with story beats from ATLA to create a blended disaster, but I was having trouble determining how to do that, so I put it on the backburner.
I know I want to do something with the spirit world and Yggdrasil’s seedlings. I know I wanted to include stakes where countries go to war or there’s some sort of overarching political… thing. Along with action scenes, waaaay more worldbuilding for Erdrea, and character dynamics that are more than just, “I joined your team and support you now!” We need a Toph in this fic! We need kids who don’t know what the heck they’re doing and get at each other’s throats sometimes!
I don’t want the reader to open up the fic and know immediately what’s coming, which indicates to me the fic needs a whole renovation, one with a plot made from my own brain. Because I don’t want the fic to just be, “Eleven went to Heliodor. He got thrown into the dungeon. He met Erik and they ran into a dragon then they jumped off a cliff.” That’s completely valid to write with new spice, but I would like to conjure up something different!
But I keep getting stuck at the beginning! It’s like trying to wade into a thornbush. You don’t. You just walk up to it and it’s all in your face and you just give up before even trying to untangle it, lol.
So for right now…
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airplanelanding · 4 years ago
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Heyyyy back with some more asks hehe! (I'm sorry but actually not really) So for the fanfic game: 1, 7, and 33?
Pshh you know I always love getting asks (especially ones with multiple thingys in them) I love doing these games. 
Okayokay so, I’m answering this on my laptop so I’m going to have to come back and like add in tags after I post it, ugh, I hate that. 
A n y w a y agskdhfsdaj
1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your own writing? (No downplaying yourself!)
Okay, so depending on the fic, probably 3-4 because I’m fairly confident in my works and proud of what I write, but know there is still room for improvement in my writing skills, and some fics are definitely better than others so 3 to 4 depending on the fic. 
7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?
This one is hard, tbh, and I’ve been thinking about it really hard, because I don’t know. I mean, not to say I don’t struggle with any elements of writing, because I’m sure I do, I just... I genuinely can’t name one I struggle with most because I don’t know. It’s something I’ll have to pay attention to. I struggle with planning in multi-chapter stories, if that counts? I always used to jump right into them and then 3 chapters in I get stuck because I have no plan, no guide, no chapter layouts, no plot diagram, nothing. So, I used to never get multi-chap fics done. I’m getting better with that, though, and for my latest multi-chap tGoD, I’ve already begun planning properly and creating chapter layouts and plot goals & major plot points. 
33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? 
Okay this is going to be a long one so, buckle up. 
I do have one fun fact about how I write emotions, for example the anxiety and panic and paranoia in Honey & Hemlock or the anger and hurt in Together, or the sadness & pain from Keeping It Together. When writing these scenes, I tend to focus and think about how I am affected by these emotions and how I react to them and how they work with me, and that’s how I write them. For the anxiety/panic/paranoia in H&H, I thought about how I think and feel when I’m having an attack or spiraling, and I thought about the physical and mental affects I show when it’s happening and how I feel when it’s happening, then I tweaked it a bit just to fit the situation better, as obviously my attacks aren’t about getting caught for having magic. For Together & KiT, though, it was a bit different, as I used those to vent my emotions (which, vent-writing is very cathartic to me, it’s helpful for me to get out and understand my emotions), so what Arthur was feeling, was what I was feeling. I took my emotions as I was feeling them and I forced myself to put it into words as a way to process it. Same for Keeping it Together, I was grieving when I wrote it, and I was trying my damn hardest not to break down, so I wrote out how it felt and everything I wished I could say, and as Merlin cried, I cried. His thoughts, his feelings, his words about Kilgharrah, they were all my thoughts, my feelings, my words about my cub. 
A lot of the time when I write strong emotions, I want it to feel realistic and I want the reader to be able to understand how the character is feeling, and so, to do that, I do this. I think about how these strong emotions effect me (if I’ve felt them before) and I write that. Even if it’s a situation I’ve not been in (like being terrified of being murdered for practicing sorcery in Camelot lmao), I still think about how these strong emotions effect me, and I adjust it as needed to fit the scenario. 
Another thing I’d like to say about my writing process is that, I do a lot of research. Mainly for my long fics, but even sometimes on my short ones. On a fic like H&H I will spend hours upon hours researching and translating, and I put my all into writing the fic. Even short ones, I put everything I have into it. 
I am often anxious about if people will like my writing or not, because I put so much work into it, but I second guess myself frequently on whether it’s actually good or not. So, when you comment on my work with even just a short little “i liked this!’ it literally means the world to me and ilysm, because each comment I get sweeps away my insecurity bit by bit, and I’m actually a lot more confident in my work now than I was even just two months ago thanks to the kind words from my readers. 
And finally, my process changes a LOT based on the length and type of fic. A short, self-indulgent, tooth-rotting fluff fic will not be heavily researched or mulled over for weeks at a time, I’ll write that shit in one go, 2k words in 30 minutes or less, let’s go. A fic like H&H or my current longest wip tGoD, though? Months. It will take so much time and effort and research. My process changes so much. And, y’know this also depends on my motivation at the time. My process shifts at least a little for every fic I write. It’s rarely ever the same as a whole for multiple fics.
Anyway, yeah, so that was really long, um, tysm for the ask! I love answering these. 
Sorry the last one is so long, the answer got away from me a little there, and I got carried away. 
Send me a number (or a few) and I’ll answer them! 
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vickypoochoices · 6 years ago
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Scrabble Heart.
Author's Note: I don't write James fics ever, but this idea came to me and he was the only person I could imagine pulling this off! I also need you to excuse any mistakes regarding the rules for Scrabble. I played once, over ten years ago, and cried because I was so awful at it! I've had a quick Google of the rules, and I know I've forgotten about the double points on the first go, but we can forget all about that when we see the outcome of this game right? I hope!
Tagging: I don't really have a tag list for James, so i'm sorry if I've tagged you and you aren't interested. @zigortega4life @emerald-bijou @littlegreenmoo @krsnlove
"I miss Zack. He would never pick on me like you have. Relentlessly. All day long.”
“Oh boo hoo. Cry me a river. Who do you think planted this little idea in my head in the first place?” Kaitlyn retorts, not even glancing up from where she's picking at her worn down, stubby nails.
A sharp hiss of breath, grinding teeth and a tight ball of scrunched up fingers under the table was her only response initially, a half hearted threat eventually following. "When he gets back I’m gonna...”
“Shower me with kisses? Squeeze me so tight I literally explode?” A giddy squeal from the entrance to the coffee shop interrupted her.
“ZACK?! What are you doing here?”
“Did you really think I’d miss one of the biggest nights of my best friend’s life?”
A sharp slap sounded out as the palms of Zack and Kaitlyn met in unison for a high five. Both wearing matching smug smiles. Both watching on as their friend sagged against a corner seat.
“Good job Liao. She’s a tough one to crack but with a little perseverance we’ll have her coming round to our way of thinking in no time.”
Zack slid into the seat next to her, bringing an arm up to hang loosely around her shoulders. Her nostrils flared at the overwhelming and intensely overpowering scent that followed. Not what she had grown accustomed to. Zack smelt fresh, fruity, exotic. Shrinking back slightly, she eyed him cautiously, taking note of his face. Flecked with a smattering of fresh freckles, and the tone of his skin; a shade pinker than what was probably deemed desirable. She flinched at the sudden thud of Zack's backpack tumbling to the floor.
Whilst one eyebrow remained in place, higher than the other, her hands betrayed her, instinctively grabbing at thin air greedily, eager to snap up the thick slab of chocolate she could see poking out the top of the bag.
“Present!” He exclaimed, still not making a move, eerily still and watching her closely. She swallowed hard, suddenly on edge.
“Did you get abducted by aliens whilst you were away or something? One, you are being really weird right now. Like, really weird. Two, the Zack I know would buy chocolate as a gift for me, but find it too irresistible and end up eating it himself then palm me off with a fridge magnet. And three, am I really supposed to believe that you got a tan if that’s what you want to call it, from a last minute trip around Europe?”
“Okay well one, if I really was abducted by aliens I’d be selling my story and making my millions right now instead of wasting my time here with you. Two, that was one time that I ate your chocolate and i’ve spent the last five years apologising for my mistake, how much longer are you going to hold it against me? And finally, Europe does get hot. Sometimes. I’ll have you know.” Zack puffed out the breath he’d been holding, cheeks reddening with each word. He looked her over, a smirk tugging at his lips, a glimmer in his eye.
“And I thought it could serve as your first engagement present too, I was going to get James a nice bottle of wine for tonight, but I ran out of money.”
She rolled her eyes, tutting loudly. “That’s it, I take it all back. From this moment on I am best friend less.” She stared pointedly at Zack, Kaitlyn giggling in the background as she stealthily swiped the chocolate bar, taking advantage of Zack's momentary lapse of concentration.
“Love you too babe! I’d better be the first person you call once James pops the question or I’ll seriously have to reconsider my answer when you ask me to be your man of honour.”
A sweet smile ghosted her lips as she flipped him the bird before flouncing out of the coffee shop. An unsettling feeling began to rise in the pit of her stomach, a bitter taste still apparent after the conversation she'd just had.
The fresh air hit her face on, hair whipping around wildly as a gust of autumnal wind swept past her. But she barely even noticed, subconsciously winding her pashmina a little tighter around herself, her nose burying into it. As her feet carried her off down the path littered with crunchy, crisp golden leaves, her mind was stuck in St. Mark's Basilica. The large round domes and marble multi coloured pillars. With her feet now rounding a corner, her mind wandered further, now walking along the Bridge of Sighs at the Doge's Palace. She paused for a second, surprising herself as a rumble of laughter escaped her mouth unexpectedly.
"It's fascinating here. And beautiful. We could get lost in Venice and roam the streets for months and I'd still never tire of this place." James talked animatedly, his pace of speech hurried as his excitement grew, all the while his thumb brushed over her knuckles soothingly, despite his apparent excitement overtaking his mouth.
The glistening water that passed them, as they both stole glances of each other. James looking at her wistfully and lingering. Nope. If he was going to propose it would have been then. In Italy. One of the most beautiful and romantic countries in the world. Or any one of the other amazing places they'd visited together. Not a random Thursday night in their apartment of all places. She shook her head, unsure why she even entertained the idea. This was Zack and Kaitlyn anyway. Why did she ever take them seriously in the first place?
A long, drawn out breath escaped as she made her way into her shared apartment with James, silently cursing the loud jangle of keys that seemed to slice through the silence. At least Zack didn't bring her another keyring back. Her set contained two keys but dozens of mismatched keyrings, mainly little momentos as a memory of the places her and James had visited. They'd taken a year off together. They were both busy and successful in their own rights, but some days it had seemed as though they were slipping into the old ships in the night routine, which so many long term relationships always seemed to suffer. James had often talked about showing her the world one day, until the words 'Why not today' tumbled out of her mouth in a rush, little to no thought actually going into the logistics of it all.
Twirling around on the spot, her eyes narrowed, skepticism pooling within her as she took note of her dimly lit surroundings. James sat hunched over their dining table, flicking his wrist a few times, a flickering flame from his matchstick disapating cleanly, her nostrils flaring slightly at the heavy smokey scent drifting towards her. The room would have been pitch black, were it not for the dozens and dozens of candles strategically dotted around the living room. Shit. He's not...?
Catching sight of her, James's demeanor changed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, mustering up a lopsided grin, neither confirming nor denying her suspicions.
"Hey." His voice was normal. Not squeaky or strained, no hint of nerves in the slightest. Her voice however betrayed her, the notes wavering shakily as she choked out a terse 'hey' of her own in response.
Something in the way she remained rooted to the spot, anxiously eyeing every candle painfully slowly must have prompted James as to the inner turmoil she was currently battling.
Striding the short distance between them, her fingers greedily snatched up the half full wine glass she found pressed between them, a trace amount dribbling out of the corner of her mouth as she struggled to knock it back cleanly in one.
He eyed her curiously, warmth jolting her to her senses as his hand covered hers, steadying, as he seamlessly removed the glass from her grasp and sat it down on a nearby coffee table. The warmth radiated through her, her whole body fighting off a chill she wasn't even aware of until now. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his warmth spread to her face, a rosy glow heating her cheeks as he cupped her face in his hand, watching her with an unreadable expression.
"The electricity's out."
She tried to reign in the breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding, a short puff of air the only thing to pass her lips somehow. Idiot! There's a perfectly good explanation after all!
"That...makes sense."
A rich chuckle rumbled, James cocking his head to the side as he looked her over from top to bottom, perplexed. "Are you okay?"
She stared, deadpan for a moment, mouth slightly agape before pulling herself together. She wasn't about to let Zack and Kaitlyn ruin this night. Game night was one of her favourite nights of the week!
Nodding her head once, setting her shoulders back and fixing her face with an award winning smile she hoped wasn't too over the top, she took a step towards the 'game table'. "I'm fine Ashton. Just eager to beat your ass, as usual!"
Breaking out into a grin, he paced over to the table, both now hovering by their designated seats. "Is that so?"
"Have you been getting a little extra practice in tonight?" She jerked her head towards the Scrabble board set out in the middle of the table, a few words scattered around.
"The pressure is on me tonight."
She swallowed hard, mind going into overdrive for all of thirty seconds before James pressed on.
"If I remember correctly, you've won two weeks in a row."
Bringing a hand up to cup around her ear, her eyes twinkled mischievously. "Say it a little louder."
He chuckled distractedly, his gaze dropping to her lips. As James took a step towards her, she took one backwards, the heel of her foot knocking into contact with her chair. Her eyes widened, a brief moment of panic washing over her. Fingers curling tightly around the fabric of James's shirt reflexively, she braced herself for the fall, expecting James to come tumbling down with her. Instead, strong arms encircled her waist, gently placing her harmlessly into position on her chair.
A momentary loss of balance forced James down with her. Their foreheads coming to rest together, her chest rising and falling exaggeratedly as she caught her breath. Grateful for the strong arms wrapped protectively around her and the feather light strokes of his fingertips along one of her hip bones that followed.
Her eyes found their way to his and found them seeking out an answer to his unanswered question. A slight angle of her head was all it took, her lips latching onto his once, then twice, hoping that would be enough to reassure him that she was fine.
"Someone's eager to play." James whispered into her covered neck, before dipping lower to place a single kiss against her collar bone.
Her cheeks flushed, slowly unravelling the long pashmina she'd long since forgotten about.
"How about we play later?" Her lips tugged upwards into a coy smile, as she beckoned him closer still with a crook of her finger.
A startling crackle from one of the candles distantly in the room pulled them apart.
A small patch of skin on the back of her hand glistened under the candlelight as James left a lingering kiss there. "As tempting as that offer is..."
The formation of a sharp crease between his brows had her unintentionally mirroring him, a furrow of confusion flitting across her features at the obvious deflection. His words were at odds with his facial features, and she couldn't understand why.
Swallowing down an influx of unwelcome emotions, a breezy smile slipped into place as she turned her attention to the table, eager for a distraction. Settling back in the chair and sucking in a healthy amount of air, she welcomed the space as James eased himself off of her, and into position opposite.
Hands steepled together, her wandering eyes latched onto the opposite side of the table. A collection of tiles with a mismatch of complete and half strung together words caught her attention, the most striking being Eternity. Chin jutting, eyes narrowed, voice croaking, she managed just one word.
"Cheat!"
"This is one game I very much hope I can win tonight." His eyes sparkled in the darkness.
"Ready when you are."
Dipping his head, James alternated between an awkward squint and a cocky flit between his letters. After what felt like an eternity, he finally placed down his first word. Love.
Really? All of that build up for four letters and seven fucking points?
"Losing never looked so sexy before." She smirked teasingly.
"I just need a little more time to warm up."
A thin sheen of sweat shone off his forehead, but before she could voice any concern a sharp buzz at the door interrupted. Raising an eyebrow questioningly, James shrugged casually, using the back of his hand to swiftly swipe at his clammy forehead.
"Well I couldn't make us dinner with the electricity out, so I went ahead and ordered us some pizza. Could you go? I'm pondering over my next move and I'll probably just start spurting out random words to the delivery guy if I go."
"Don't get ahead of yourself Ashton. I think you'll find it's my turn next. We didn't up the stakes last week without my knowledge did we? Because you are acting strange all of a sudden. Unless you just can't take the humiliation of being beaten by me three weeks in a row..."
"Sounds like someone is worried about that winning streak coming to an end."
With a stern face and narrowed eyes, she outstretched two fingers in front of her, before moving them back and forth between the pair, signalling that she's watching him.
"I promise you." James smiled, raising his hand and placing it over his heart, sincerity flushing his features. "I'm not cheating, and we didn't up the stakes. This game is an important one. There's no coming back from this for me if you beat me three weeks in a row."
She nodded her head once in acceptance before bounding over to the door, eager to get back to the game.
"Good evening ma'am." A muffled voice greeted her, buried behind a stack of pizza boxes.
"Seems everyone in the building had the same idea tonight, we're rushed off our feet. Now then, which one of these is yours?"
A middle aged, kind faced man suddenly appeared as he carefully manoeuvred the tower of boxes onto the floor.
"Huh, looks like there's been a mix up. Nothing is labelled, makes my job a hell of a lot harder let me tell you kid! There's no other way to do it than opening the boxes and looking through."
A slight huff and an irritated glance back at James followed, not that he noticed. He was hunched over, scrutinising each tile whilst stroking his chin absentmindedly.
"Alright let's do this. James is awkward and orders extra toppings, so I guess his should be easy to spot."
Time seemed to stand still as the delivery guy sifted through the mountain of boxes painstakingly slowly.
"Well what do you know, the bottom two eh? What are the chances?"
She found her eyebrows raising and her foot tapping, her patience well and truly tested now.
"Okay great. Thanks so much. Have a great night!" She strained out, struggling with all her might to refrain from slamming the door in his face.
"Can you believe that James? Next time I think I'd rather just starve!"
Winding her way back to the table, she frowned at the now vacant seat, James no where to be seen. Setting down the pizza boxes in the middle of the table, she let out a long sigh. Same thing every Thursday. Wine goes straight through him! Her lips curled up into a cunning smile, as she risked a peek behind her, ensuring James wasn't about to walk in and catch her stealing a glance at his rack and tiles. With the coast clear, she loomed over the empty seat on his side, her throat constricting instantly.
There were no spare tiles, on either James's side or her own. Just the Scrabble board, positioned perfectly straight, and completed. Her legs buckled, the safety of James's chair acting as a net and catching her, her elbows coming to rest on the table as she leaned forward, eyes erratically scanning over the words in place.
Love. Eternity. Italy.
Stomach clenching as realisation set in, she allowed her eyes to drop a little further down. An unmistakablely large diamond ring sat in the centre of the board, the accompanying tiles set out directly underneath it spelt out just four more words. Will. You. Marry. Me.
"I hope Zack and Kaitlyn didn't ruin the surprise."
Mouth agape, her head slowly turned to her right, gaze falling to the floor and landing on James, knelt down on one knee looking at her earnestly.
"James what...?"
"Is it hot in here all of a sudden or is it just me?"
"That might have something to do with the hundreds of candles you've got heating up the room."
"Right, yeah. I didn't think that one through properly did I?"
Her arms folded across her chest, the penny finally dropping.
"The power isn't out?"
"Nope."
"And the pizza delivery guy?"
A sheepish look flits across his face. "He might have been paid handsomely to help me out." He paused, clearing his throat loudly. "But babe, we've sort of strayed a little here."
Her stomach twisted into knots, her heart pounding harshly. "Right err..."
"No wait. This isn't right. I've spent the best part of a year planning all of this and I've messed it all up."
"A year?" She repeated quitely.
"It would have been too obvious to do it whilst we were jetsetting around the world. We'd talked about doing that together for so many years, I didn't want to take anything away from that experience for you."
Her face softened at his words. My James. Always so thoughtful.
"I didn't think it was possible, but every day I fell more and more in love with you. I nearly caved in a few times, even went as far as to check out a jewelers whilst we were in Malta. Then you text me saying you'd woken from your nap and you were starving so I came home with food instead of a ring."
She couldn't help but giggle, cursing herself mentally. Damn you stomach!
"And then we came home and we settled back into our old routine and I thought I'd missed my chance. Then I realised, none of that even matters. I could wine you and dine you in an extravagant restaurant. Or we could stay in, surrounded by all of our firsts."
She chewed on the inside of her lip nervously, but her expression must have faltered, as she felt James stroke her hand timidly, taking a moment to find the right way to answer her confusion.
"The first time we kissed. The first time together properly, how could I ever forget? The first confession of love I'd ever muttered to anyone before. The first experience of living with a partner, my beautiful partner." His eyes softened.
"The first proposal. Hopefully the last! The first moments afterwards, when you've given me your answer..."
Diving downwards and pressing against him forcibly, they fell backwards, tumbling together into the floor. For the second time that night, James found himself instinctively curling his arms around her protectively, their lips melding together in a sudden fierce frenzy.
Panting as he pulled away, James cradled her face in his hands, thumb gently stroking either side in adoration. "Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"Good. I'm glad I could soften the fall for you."
"That yes was an answer to your original question James."
"Right right." He nodded his head slowly, taking a moment for the words to sink in properly. "Yes, as in yes yes?"
"Okay, that word is officially banned from now on!" She quipped, face widening in a broad smile.
Raising her hands to his lips and brushing a kiss to each finger individually, he kept his eyes locked on her's, the threat of happy tears brimming in his eyes as he slowly slipped the ring onto her finger.
"There's just one thing left to do now." He murmured against her mouth, tugging at her bottom lip.
"Which is?"
"Finish the game, of course. What else?"
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