#anyway I’ve been hyperfixating on X-men pressure tgcf and ghost to make the voices go away

[toby-vents]

I hate having bpd I hate still revolving my entire world around someone who left I hate feeling like a shit person or a stalker just for asking people what they’re up to while being no contact I hate that I couldn’t be what they wanted I hate that they don’t want me I hate that I can’t move on I hate that I know they still love me I hate that I keep dreaming about them coming back or having a life with them and then waking up to nothing I hate when my phone says texts are delivered when they didn’t actually deliver i hate thinking about them in everything I see I hate that I talk about them to other people as if they were still my partner and best friend and in my life I hate that I can’t get myself to call them my ex I hate that they won’t tell me why they left I hate that I have to act as if the world is completely fine when my entire world feels like it’s still falling apart when I should be rebuilding by now I hate that I’ve just been drowning myself in hyperfixation media to ignore the void in my schedule and life I hate that I see us in every romantic video or couple in a media I like I hate that i want to grow old with them and they can’t even stand to talk to our best friend about it I hate that everyone thinks they’re the bad guy I hate that there isn’t a bad guy in this situation cause it makes it harder to deal with and I hate that their comfort is all I want and it’s the one thing I can’t have