toby-vents - Tumblr blog

[toby-vents]

Our plan for our anniversary was going to be going to the aquarium, now a month and a half after they’ve left, I’m going by myself and with my family I can’t stop myself from wishing they were here but I’m pretty sure that they’re happier without me and that’s ok.

I still love them and I’m not mad at them because they were the best thing I ever got the honor of having in my life

Thank you lucielle for staying in my life as long as you did, thank you for helping me grow as a person more than anyone else has. Thank you for being my first love, my first kiss, and my first everything else. I will always remember what we had together and honestly I think part of my will stay waiting for you to come back into my life even if you never do. I have never had a better time than when I was with you and I see you in everything around me. Every time I pass a rose bush I think about you and every time I see someone with the prettiest nails that I think you would love I have to resist the urge to send them to you. I miss staying up late and yapping to you about dumb stuff. I miss having someone who I knew wouldn’t get annoyed by my dumb hyperfixation rants. Thank you for teaching me what it feels like to love and be loved and what it feels like to hold someone so close that you could never let go. Thank you for showing me that life is what I make of it and that all it takes to truly be happy is to be around someone you love and to allow yourself to feel. Thank you for putting up with my annoying moodswings and random mental breakdowns. I’m sorry for anything I did to hurt you and I’m sorry that I never say the relationship the way you did. The way you do. I still love you with every molecule in my body and I hope you don’t hate me.

PS. I would love it if you came to dracula at the lab, you don’t have to stay to see me after but I would like it if maybe you came to see it

It’s totally your sense of humor and I think you would love it

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I miss you my love

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No problem!! And you would think with the huge boom in X-men, specifically Logan more people would get into these guys but nooooooo :(

My motherfucking watxm fanfic got 1005 hits!!!!!! Sadly I dont have my phone with my hundreds of panels of my kids hanging out together.

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You want to paint me as the villain and act as if I was what made the relationship toxic that’s fine. But you can’t put it all on me when you never told me anything was wrong with the relationship or drew any boundaries. I thought everything was amazing until the day you left. If you don’t show signs or communicate how am I supposed to help. I may have been toxic I don’t completely know what you are acknowledging but you can’t blame it all on me when I told you every single one of my thoughts and you didn’t share one thing. I loved you with all my heart and believed I treated you as best as I could have. I was always there for you but I will not stand by and let you say I was the problem when you still refuse to communicate and tell me what went wrong. It may have been my fault I don’t know. And that’s the thing YOU WONT TELL ME so I will never know but I will not take you pretending I was the only one who caused the fall apart of the relationship. You made a choice to give up on the relationship all together instead of communicating and trying to work through it. It’s not fair to say I was the issue.

[toby-vents]

Almost 50 notes on one post I feel so popularrrrrr 🤭🤭🤭🤭

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“Why do you always have to take it that far” maybe because my emotions make me feel like the only way to fix them and feel better again is to off myself Susan I don’t want to take it that far either

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How can someone who was the first person who made you feel truly happy and loved and worth something be the same person who makes you question everything they ever taught you about yourself and question your worth to the point of feeling like you’ll never be ok again?

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I hate having bpd I hate still revolving my entire world around someone who left I hate feeling like a shit person or a stalker just for asking people what they’re up to while being no contact I hate that I couldn’t be what they wanted I hate that they don’t want me I hate that I can’t move on I hate that I know they still love me I hate that I keep dreaming about them coming back or having a life with them and then waking up to nothing I hate when my phone says texts are delivered when they didn’t actually deliver i hate thinking about them in everything I see I hate that I talk about them to other people as if they were still my partner and best friend and in my life I hate that I can’t get myself to call them my ex I hate that they won’t tell me why they left I hate that I have to act as if the world is completely fine when my entire world feels like it’s still falling apart when I should be rebuilding by now I hate that I’ve just been drowning myself in hyperfixation media to ignore the void in my schedule and life I hate that I see us in every romantic video or couple in a media I like I hate that i want to grow old with them and they can’t even stand to talk to our best friend about it I hate that everyone thinks they’re the bad guy I hate that there isn’t a bad guy in this situation cause it makes it harder to deal with and I hate that their comfort is all I want and it’s the one thing I can’t have

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I miss them but I’m learning to not be completely destroyed anymore. I’ll always love them but I think part of separating is learning who I am. I just wish I could take what this has taught me and be with them

I know I’m not what they want and that’s ok i mean i knew i probablt wouldnt be from the beginning. i was blinded by love and thats ok

guess i go back to not trusting anyone yeah? /hj

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How poetic would it be to die on the anniversary of when we started dating so that our relationship officially ended on the same day it began

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Why have they already moved on and thrown everything to do with me away while I’m destroyed and hanging onto every physical and digital piece of them I have left

Our avatars on everything still match, still have matching pfp, but it’s all only on my end

I still wear the bracelet they gave me for my birthday everyday, they have a matching one that connects to it and It may be the most treasured thing I own

I feel like I was never their soulmate but they were always mine

I love you Lucielle Tejero and I always will goddamnit

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PLEASE IT DELIVERED JT DELIVERED PLEASE

(Nothing else delivered after it and everyone thinks it’s a glitch on my end)

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People keep finding out about the break up and I keep wanting to tell them don’t worry I’m sure it’s not permanent but I don’t know that and I don’t want them to think I’m delusional (i am)

I have to pretend my pillow is my partner to fall asleep and then I have great dreams but then I wake up and it ruins everything cause it’s not real and It’s like the only thing I want in life.

In better news when I asked my tarot cards if they’d message me eventually they said yes soooooo…. The future is never concrete but for now I have hope which has definitely lifted my mood

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Why did I have to love them so much to the point of thinking about them every second of every day- I can’t do anything without them god I’m so dumb

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The world feels like it’s falling apart, I don’t even know how to fall asleep because I am so used to thinking of them before bed

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What do I do when the person who is my everything and all I’ve ever loved ghosts me

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Why does it feel like I make sacrifice after sacrifice for them but they never do anything for us