#anyway I’m fucking confused
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This girl I used to work with texted me at 1:40 last night which was weird on its own since the last time I saw her was like 2018 and she got fired the next day (she was a rehire who should’ve never been rehired) but it’s mainly weird because she called me Theo and I didn’t make that switch until after I left that shithole so ????? howmst and whomst
#she also assaulted multiple customers but one guy was a racist and one guy put his hands on her#the racist actually came back and apologized and said she was right and tipped her $50 🙃#she punched him so hard he fell off his barstool and lost a couple of teeth#she would drink like 8 ciders a night PLUS shots and do free pours for people#and never pay for any of it#there were 6 staff total no more than 4 a night (one bartender two servers one cook)#like girl we don’t pay for our drinks either but you’ve GOT to be smarter about it come on#there was always beef with her and the other two bartenders because she was just bad at her job and drunk all the time#honestly most of the ‘bad’ stuff she did I don’t see her in a negative light about bc that bar fucking sucked#and is owned by nazi sympathizers#like legitimate ‘has a signed mein kampf’ in the basement from when inges brother was within the nazi ranks#it’s still open but we all jumped ship when it became clear there was no saving it#anyway I’m fucking confused#she’s got my number so maybe I popped up on instagram or something? she’s so analog in her life I just didn’t think she had social media
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You should tell us about color psychology that sounds cool as hell
YES… HA HA HA… YES!
GGGOD I WISH I WASN’T OUT OF THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW. but i’ve been thinking about colors literally all day so you all get to be subject to my madness! sorry this is long and rambly wauaua. nightmarishly long post under the cut.
okay. first things first, a few basics. color theory and color psychology tend to get confused a lot in discussions, but they usually refer to different things. color theory is more about we physically perceive colors (color wheels and color schemes the like), while color psychology focuses on our emotional response to colors. if you’re familiar with the children’s hospital color theory post, that poster wasn’t actually talking about color theory, but color psychology (and also it’s incredibly surface level and heavily misunderstands the subject because in what fucking universe does the quantity of positive associations with a color matter more than the context it’s used in and sorry i have personal beef with this tumblr post).
color theory is also a special interest of mine but i’m not gonna touch on it too much here because it’s not entirely important. mmmaybe another time…
essentially, certain colors (and color combinations) have associations in our brains and that affect our behavior and emotions. these associations are also very much affected by the context a color is used in. colors don’t exist in a vacuum! so while red can symbolize passion and love when used in something like a dress or a bouquet of flowers, it has a very different connotation when it’s, say, splattered on the walls or smeared on the ground in a snail trail.
or for a less Children’s Hospital Themed example, i’ll put my euphrasie and king designs here!
(of course the saturation and brightness of these blues play a massive part in how they’re perceived but this is not a post about color theory this is n)
and, of course, combining colors in a piece can also change their meanings!! i’m about to get real fucking normal.
i’m gonna be focusing on the color combo of red and yellow here because it’s the one that’s most relevant to my art (and also it’s really interesting.) basically, seeing these two colors together activates the part of our brain that controls our appetite, making us actually feel hungry. this is why so many food companies use red and yellow in their branding! it’s neat stuff!!
also, if you’re familiar with it, this is why the mv for butcher vanity uses this color palette!! along with red’s general associations with danger and blood, the color combo also physically induces hunger. pretty fitting for a song about cannibalism!
(there is also red’s association with lust and passion and how that intersects with the double meaning in the lyrics but i cannot derail this post into being an analysis of butcher vanity i’m sorry. we’d be here all week. maybe another day... wipes a tear from my eye)
and i think this might be the reason why some people feel hungry when they see my art, even when i’m not drawing food. while i don’t tend to use red outright, most of my art has very warm undertones (red-oranges and yellows especially), which could be activating that hunger response??
(ah fuck color theory managed to weasel its way into this post again)
admittedly this part is just speculation on my end. i think my rendering style and Shapes also play a role in it, but it’s interesting for me to think about!!
this is only scratching the surface of how complicated colors can get. i was going to go on an entire tangent about color grading and how green lighting can make a scene feel unnerving but this post is already Too Fucking Long. aaaa super sorry if this is Rambly or hard to understand!! i’m not Entirely sure how much the average person knows about color theory and psychology so if there’s any confusing terms here i’m fine with adding stuff for clarity!
wauauuaa thank you so much for asking!!!! i love talking about colors.
tl;dr colors have a bunch of different emotions and meanings tied to them, but you’ve gotta pay attention to the context in which it’s being used. so maybe take a step back before you put that thick red trail on the floor of your children’s hospital.
#marshtalkin#<- and by god did i TALK.#hhholy fuck how long is this. im so sorry i thought this was gonna be WAY shorter#admittedly i only realized colors were a special interest. fairly recently?#i genuinely didn’t consider that most artists probably don’t spend hours pacing around thinking about color symbolism#<- god don’t even get me started on color symbolism in my designs i’m so fucking normal#…do i even tag this as isat?? i mean i know i have to tag spoilers anyways#because of euphrasie#but this is mostly a post about color psychology even if i’m using my isat art as examples#aaaa whatever#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#color theory#color psychology#asks#also actually as a sidenote. sometimes color psychology is called a subsection of color theory?#but generally when someone is talking about color theory they’re talking about the technical side of things#terminology is weird and confusing unfortunately…
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just watched through 7x06 and i can officially say that i truly do not understand the Tommy hate
#i’m so confused#he’s been nothing but understanding with Buck?#they’re clearly really into each other??#their friends approve???#they’ve successfully communicated misunderstandings and small hurdles and found a way to move forward????#am i missing something??? did i skip a scene where he kicked a kitten and set an orphanage on fire or do people just hate him bc#they take another ship too seriously??????#he seems so good for Buck#also HELLO?? i was in fucking TEARS seeing a masc4masc gay kiss on my tv screen#and on such a popular show?? involving THE fan favorite character??#WHO is watching that going ‘this is bad actually bc i want him to kiss the other guy’#that’s like. huge.#anyway.#911 abc#bucktommy#tevan#tommy kinard
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I have a feeling that if your Laurent was made to choose between whether he would have survived Auguste or Damen in the battle of Marlas, he would have definitely chosen Damen despite all the pain he would be spared if he chose Auguste, but he would have done it because he couldn't live an eternity without Damen as his husband :,) Ok, I need to sleep.
hello lovely 💕 you’re spot on, the laurent in my fics would choose damen in any universe under any circumstances and i firmly believe this is how it goes in canon as well! there are many clues in the text tell us that no matter what happens, laurent’s adoration for damen is a non-negotiable element. 🥺
canonwise there is no doubt that laurent loves auguste sooo much but at the same time, what is he if not a romantic at heart? he’s not going to live for his brother forever, he’s going to follow his heart and be with the man of his dreams! remember that part where he and damen were discussing the peacetime au?
notice how it says your sleeve? damen’s sleeve, not auguste’s. he literally admits he would chase damen as a child and be jealous of auguste that damen was getting his attention. 🤭 also it’s always worth noting that laurent was ready to sacrifice himself AND his kingdom for damen without an ounce of hesitation. once they solve the issues between them, it is shown over and over that damen is the dearest being of laurent’s life.
honorable mention: this lovely moment from tsp 🥹
laurent losing everything including auguste and gaining damen, and willingly making that trade, except it causes damen to lose everything and go through that pain too… he can accept his own pain but not damen's. he would do it but he knows damen also had to lose everything for them to meet and he hates that damen suffered… i dare you to name a more romantic man.
#captive prince#asks#this is also why i’m always confused whenever there is a discourse on whether lamen could be together if auguste didn’t approve of them bc#1) he would wholeheartedly approve 2) laurent wouldn’t gaf if he didn’t. like. not a single fuck 🙏#anyways shout out to my angels i&g for helping me wrap this up!! 💕
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Hey.
Kim teaching Harry how to skateboard and Harry teaching Kim how to roller skate.
Harry thinks he fucking sucks at first because Kim gets the hang of roller skating pretty quickly. As it turns out, skateboarding is a lot harder than roller skating.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. Um. Kim still prefers skateboarding because of the technical aspect and risk factor but he’s surprised he enjoys how chill roller skating is.
Harry enjoys skateboarding because a) time with Kim as a teacher and b) oh wow a challenge? Your physical instrument loves challenges. You will conquer this with the force of your—what do you mean this is more the centipede’s thing? Holy shit no wonder Kim’s so cool
#disco elysium#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#anyway I got a cheap Walmart skateboard yesterday and I’m a little bit taken in right now#practiced just getting on the board and pushing forward for like 30 minutes and ended up sweating#confused at first before I remembered…#you know how you get super fucking tired after a long day of travel in the car or on the train and stuff#it’s because your body is always making micro adjustments to keep you in place#and skateboarding? it’s all about body control baby#skateboarding is hard man#be cool to have a custom made Dolores dei skateboard though imo
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Okay last little idea and I'll leave you be for a bit
Xiao actually responding to the names the creator gives him. Little Friend, Pretty Bird, ect. No matter how far away you are, if you call those names, he has to stop himself from turning into a bird and flying away at that very moment. Those pet names are as much his name as any other he's kept.
-sibling anon
me when xiao
in his time with you in his adeptal form, xiao has never told you his name.
and yet, he still hears you.
if he’s in the area and the wind brings him the softest call of “you here, little friend?” he morphs in an instant, instinct taking over as he flies to your summons. he ducks through the trees, landing gracefully in your outstretched hand, meeting your wide smile with a chirp.
“there you are,” you mumble, and he ruffles his wings in an approximation of standing straighter. he is here. for you.
he’s commonly perched on your index finger, or your thumb if he’s eating from your palm. you only feed him simple almonds, yet it tastes of a delightful meal, energy coursing through his body. he’s careful not to nick your skin in his eagerness, but nobody could blame his enthusiasm if they knew what he felt.
by sitting in your hand, he is rested. by staying at your side, he is healed. he still upkeeps his duties, ever vigilant, but he’s quicker now, spurred on by something—someone—to return to. his place is at your side, and he hates keeping you waiting.
even when he has to.
xiao crossed his arms over his chest, staring off at liyue’s plains while he waited for the traveller to finish talking with… whoever. he honestly wasn’t paying attention. all he was there for was the lost adeptal artifact that the commissioner had promised he had, and then he would be on his way.
the man said something with a tilt to his tone. the traveller laughed. xiao grit his teeth.
“friend? little buddy? where are you?”
the call pulled at his soul as every other name he held, and he itched to answer.
paimon made a comment, an ooh! tossed somewhere in the middle, and xiao snapped.
“can we wrap it up? this is not a proper use of an adeptus’ time.”
the man swiftly apologized, handing over the totem, and xiao all but snatched it from his hand. a ‘farewell’ may or may not have slipped from him in time for the traveller to hear, he wasn’t sure. all he knew was that one moment he was dropping the totem off at his room at the inn, and the next he was leaping off the balcony, shifting mid-air to fly towards you.
he let out a loud cry when he spotted you, tucking in his wings to dive. you saw him and held out your hand, a motion so familiar that the actions to land were muscle memory.
he flared his wings, slowing his fall, flapping once, twice, before settling on your index finger. your thumb reached up, as it always did, and he leaned into it, repressing a coo at the feeling of it smoothing over his back.
“there you are, my pretty bird. where were you?”
a shiver rolls down his small body at your words, and he hides behind your thumb. you had many names for him—little friend, blue bird, simply blue—but pretty bird?
your pretty bird?
he’s hot in a way he can’t identify, a melting mix of emotions filling his chest. pride, admiration, adoration, even, all blurring into a messy film that covered his mind.
you turned towards your camp, keeping the hand with him perched close to you. “doesn’t matter. you’re here now, pretty bird. i missed you, you know.”
and you missed him?
xiao’s known for a while that the one on the throne wasn’t truly his god, but now he’s wondering if you were. the swell of confusing feelings was proof enough; were you anybody else, mortal or immortal, god or adepti, he’d have surely struck you down for your behavior long ago. cooing over him as if he were a mere household pet, feeding him scraps of crushed fruit, calling him such names as ‘pretty bird’- he’d have morphed back the second he was strong enough, held his blade to your throat and called you insolent and ungrateful. he’d leave you with a scar, and yet here he was, apologizing for the one he did leave in any way he could.
you carefully poured some almonds pieces in your palm, and he shifted to your thumb as you sat. were you anybody else, you would be dead. but your eyes are still open, carefully watching him, and your heart still beats blood. he can feel your pulse through his claws, sometimes, and often finds his own slowing down to match it.
you had an adeptus eating from the palm of your hand, and yet you were none the wiser. you simply propped your head in your free hand, a gentle smile on your face.
“my pretty bird,” you said quietly, and xiao’s eyes closed of their own volition.
yours.
#m1d : [chats]#m1d : [secrets]#sibling anon#bird!xiao shenanigans#< sorry for high jacking your post for this king#to stew anon: i saw your ask regarding bird xiao but the topic makes me uncomfortable. while i agree with your last point everything prior#is off the table. not your fault btw i never gave anything to suggest otherwise#anyway here’s another 800 words abt bird xiao in hopefully ‘good enough’ compensation#hey FUCK tumblr for continuing to delete the last paragraph of my fics#wholeheartedly#GOD fuck this fuck everything lesson learned NEVER DO JACK SHIT IN THE DRAFTS#tumblr is hell and i’m not good enough at navigating to get our#i’m fuckin sobbing- on my hands and knees disoriented and confused
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Guys I recently, at the suggestion of a couple friends, started watching the Life Series.
And this DesertDuo stuff…
Whew. It’s GOOD.
(And I have now been put in the difficult position of desperately wanting to write about it. BUT i’ve never seen hermit craft and i don’t have plans to, and I haven’t learned enough about the fandoms unspoken rules and stuff. I fear that I may slip up and call Grian taller than Scar and get jumped because I don’t know better-)
#a deity/mortal AU is calling my name#but also i’m by trade also pretty decent with super powered AUs#only thing keeping me away from superheroes is that it seems ‘Hot Guy’ is a thing but i don’t know what that is yet and i’m#TERRIFIED of breaking fandom rules#like okay maybe they’re not rules but do people prefer to have heroes named Hot Guy? Will I get jumped for writing something else?#I literally learned what a Watcher was this morning so i could be less confused when reading fics#anyway haha#what the fuck are the tags for this fandom how do i tag this post#life series#3rd life#double life#desertduo
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Not aiming this at anyone specifically, but I’m genuinely so disappointed & annoyed at the fact no one in my real life circles bothered to reach out to me to check up on me regarding the recent Liam Payne/One Direction news.
#ignore if you want I’m just gonna vent a minute#it’s been over 3 days now & almost nothing#They know I was/am a fan of at least 1d or could take a pretty good educated guess if nothing else#& yet not one person who knows me personally bothered to ask if I was alright#And honestly… I’m not#I’m fucking struggling#it’s just so complex n confusing & I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with everything#I get it people are busy and have their own things going#& they probably don’t think it’s a big deal losing Liam as it was just a silly little boyband to them#but to me n to everyone who was there for those years it feels so so strangely personal#like a longtime distant friend has just been ripped away so tragically#& not only the tragic death of a person but the death of your adolescence & all the innocence of that time#the end of an era that had so much joy n significance in your life#& I know it’s probably not easy to tell I’m upset bc I keep my emotions pretty much exclusively to myself (thanks autism)#but honestly it’s just so invalidating and isolating to not have anyone to talk to#I already feel so completely alone in general bc no one ever checks in with me n stuff like this just solidifies that#I just don’t think it would have been so difficult just to drop a quick message to say ‘hope you’re okay’ or ‘thinking of you’ at least#it would have made a difference#& I know this post isn’t gonna matter to anyone but I just had to get my frustrations out somewhere bc it’s weighing on me a lot#anyway if you got to here thanks for your time n I hope you’re doing okay!!#feel free to reach out to me if you ever want/need to ❤️❤️❤️#wow that was a lot#personal#Kirsty talks#my posts#my stuff#1d#Liam Payne#one direction
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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that gorgeous fucking profile~🎃
#oh look it’s the person that’s sending me to hell in a hand basket#i really love that phrase ngl#that and ass over tea kettle#look at me saying more and more phrases from my grandparents as i get older#tbf some of the shit they said/say is fucking GOLD#so anyway#his perfect nose???#and jaw line???#he’s just genuinely very fucking attractive#and i know for some people he’s just this generic mundane like normal-attractive guy#but he’s just so fucking like irresistibly gorgeous fucking man#which still throws me off that i’m like ~this man is delicious~#but hey#ig that’s the confusing beauty of being a fucking bisexual queer#even if my scale leans heavily toward women/nb#wow maybe talk about oversharing#who the fuck cares#what’s tumblr for if not for oversharing#frnkiebby#frank iero#mcr#frnkiero#frnkie#mcrmy#mcr5#my chemical romance#my chem#ilhsm
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What I really like about Damian is that instead of one big interconnected friend group he has many separate friends idk it’s cute it’s different
#like not saying everyone else doesn’t have singular friends or whatever#but their most prominent friends come from their groups or teams#while Damian just has a bunch of friends all around#Can u call Damian’s team on command no but it u need smth very niche done right now he knows a guy#Damian’s friends only knowing eachother through group chats 💀#Colin Maps and marcus find out they’re all in Gotham and freak out#and Damian’s like ?#FOR MY PERSONAL JOY I’m adding tiff to the group#and Marcus had one (1) cómic with Damián but they’re friends to me now idc#oh in total the group is Suren Colin Maya Maps and FOR ME Tiff#oh Damian too obvi#jon is Damian’s friend but he’s not part of the group and it is tragic angsty ‘those would’ve been my friends too’ shit going on#btw they’d be fine with being friends with Jon he’s just very in his head about being a near adult and missing his childhood and it fucks#him up sometimes#and for him it’s like he lived all those years it wasn’t a time skip to him but he was also in isolation and on the run from someone who is#a carbon copy of his father so. anyways my thoughts on Jon and just how fucked I can make him are not for here#they all see him as cool older bro and Damian’s like ?#Damián acting confused as if he told them literally anything about his friendship with Jon 🤨#Uhm anyways yeah I think Damian’s friends are neat#and Id like to keep up the trend of Damian doing a bunch of mini solo adventures and shit#like when tim fucked off to who knows where everyone was worried but for Damian they either don’t notice or go ‘he’s just being damian’#he comes back with klarions number (he bought him a phone) and babysitting times for teekl. it gets weird
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good morning i come to you all with a successor to this. also entirely vibes based
#justice for all those unnamed/unmentioned slaves that the suitors raped. not to be confused with the 12 that got hanged#homer just drops that tidbit like a fucking nuke and moves on. like hold on stop da bus WHAT#anyways everyone in odysseus’ household NOT rockin with the rapist incels deserves a gun. yes its 1200BC get them a gun#whispering to myself reading the odyssey eurycleia dont you just wanna go apeshit dont you wanna snap#peisistratus is just vibing the whole time. oh so i’m going to sparta with this guy? cool! why are we takin drugs with helen all da sudden#also philoetius my unbothered king how you deserve the world#and eumaeus my severely bothered king how you deserve xanax#find it so funny that polites in the odyssey ONLY appears to walk into circe’s house and get told gullibles written on the ceiling#odysseus#penelope of ithaca#telemachus#the odyssey#tagamemnon
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WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK
#YEAHHHH BABY LET’S GO.#GUESS WHO FINISHED WAY EARLIER THAN EVERYONE ELSE + IDENTIFIED ALL THE OVERLAPS & DEFENCES APPLICABLE + DID SUCH GOOD ANALYSIS.#I WAS SO GIDDY AFTER I LEFT THAT EXAM HALL HUMMING & SKIPPING.#PEP IN MY FUCKING STEP. JOYOUS WITH WHIMSY AND WONDER#GIRLWIN? GIRLCONQUER? GIRL KILL.#what the fuck was I even humming. like yeah I was humming to Some beat but WHICH.#ANYWAY HIIIIIIIII THE FUCKING EXCITEMENT HAS NOT WORN OFF YET I JUST GOT HOME.#also met this darling girl from another campus & she asked for my insta & she looked confused at the handle so she told me hers but I can’t.#fucking find her i’m so sad ):#she was omg where are you from . im sure you did so well what’s your Instagram <3 & she was so sweet. where is sheeeeeeeeee#anyway yeah can you tell I’ll be unbearably annoying tonight.#✧.*🌹
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Reading comics b like:
Is it just me or did that not make any sense?
#And that’s a genuine question too#did I miss something?#is that gonna be explained later?#or was that actually just poorly written?#Like I’m currently reading#Red Robin#Omg WHAT is the connection between that little girl who turned into a spider zombie and the Council of Spiders?#And I can’t tell if that’s the mystery we’re gonna find out or if I totally missed it or what#And also in#Robin War#what the fuck was that ending#I’m still so confused#Duke gives Damian a little pep talk to remind him that he’s a hero#to get him to stop working with the Court of Owls#and it WORKS#but the reason he was working for them was bc he was being threatened and Gotham basically held hostage#ofc Duke didn’t know that#but the solution to the problem just didn’t solve the problem#but it worked anyway?#did I miss something or was that a copout??#dc comics#comics#dc
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i saw so many great edits of the natlan characters that i almost got jump scared by the official art
#┊glimpse into the crystal ball ೃ༄#interesting character designs but now imagine if there was some melanin to go with it#listen i’m a white woman from pretty much the middle of europe and if you put me next to these characters i’d be one of the most tan there#that alone should tell you that sth isn’t quite right here#also the audacity to give surfer girl tan lines to show that she’s actually even whiter?#jesus fucking christ#and while i like the archon’s design when looking at it as a standalone character design#i was a bit confused as to why she’s wearing a biker outfit when she’s based on a culture with way richer designs?#like yeah she’s hot (pun not intended) but also ???#(should’ve just made it a kaveh skin smh /lh)#uhh yeah anyway i’ve been meaning to share these very surface level thoughts since the characters were announced#right now the only character to pull on my list would be columbina and she isn’t even confirmed for natlan#now if they decided to make it rain some melanin over all of natlan i’d change it#bc i do like the designs if i look at them without considering the greater context#it’s just a pity that we’re missing sth so crucial :|
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because that’s me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with ‘girls’ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You can’t hit the mark for ‘girl’. You’ll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesn’t hurt! But nooo instead they’re looking or ‘sing with the other girls’ and you fucking can’t#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and aren’t on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. It’s like we’re all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they won’t get it is ‘girl’#and it’s like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! You’re GIRL. So you’re doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that… showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because I’m greedy and I want what I couldn’t have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Haven’t had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize we’re somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the ‘wrong’ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And I’m otherwise GLAD to be confusing#I’ve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole ‘what am I’ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lion’s lair
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