#anyway I have a FitBit now!

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

No I'm not still awake at checks notes 8:03 AM, what are you talking about?

[six-of-ravens]

Okay, I have about 100 pages left in Veniss Underground, so I'm going to shut my phone off, set a timer for an hour, and try to finish it. It's a quick read once I get into it. Might also try to read while pacing the apartment bc my neck/jaw hurt and I think sitting scrunkled up on the couch is making that worse lmao.

My goal is to finish Veniss and then have zero reading obligations for the rest of the year. I need a break. I'm so burnt out that sometimes thinking about the books I want to read makes me a little nauseous, no matter how little pressure I put on myself goal-wise (this is the Year of Burnout for sooooooo many things). I might pick up a manga or comic between now and new years, something quick and light that can be read in a few hours, and I've actually been reading fanfic again recently which is a nice change, I fell off the bandwagon with it for a while bc I didn't have any fandoms I was passionate enough about to look up fic.

But! No novels! None! Braincell Recovery Time Only!!

[modernmutiny]

if lupus decides to make me randomly allergic to One More Thing im gonna McFreaking Lose It

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts: CH38

Rip to these promising mages. I assume they will not survive this massacre.

IS that where her lungs and kidneys are? Because like. She's huge. Her entire body is behind her. Do you really think she'd keep her vital organs in the little human bulb on the front?

I mean, he has a point. What are you going to do? Fight off more hoardes of dragons?

oh noooo, Kabru.... too bad. That's so unfortunate.... anyway.

It's curious that Laios only got knocked away. He was just as likely to have had his head squished like a grape.

Guys, this is absolutely not the time to be concerned for her privacy.

Yes, queen. Free the tiddy. Murder everyone in this dungeon. I support women's rights and women's wrongs.

.......that's. One way to do that. I guess.

.......what's that rock about.

Oh, I see. That's convenient.

This guy dungeons! Maybe he even dragons.

So we got north (tallmen? dwarves?) and then the easterners.... and now the elves of the west?

He's going to give her to the Americans?! ಠ_ಠ

To be fair, at least they HAD a plan. And they executed it. It's more than you did. I don't mean to point fingers but... at least they... ya know... did something.

Kabru's like 'no, no, hang on, I need to hear what batshit fucked up thing this dude is going to say next, this is important'

Laios is so stressed he broke character.

Then again, maybe it's healthy to let them slug it out a bit. Get it out of their system.

It's true. They wore fitbits and everything.

...hey, hold on a second.

Now hold on a minute.

Damn, this is. Kind of even worse because. I guess I could have guessed that Toshi was just pretending to be polite, like you do. Cultural differences.

But the painful thing is, Laios doesn't seem surprised. He just seems resigned. He's been told before that he's difficult to get along with. To the extent that he doesn't even consider Marcille and Chillchuck his friends? Even though they arguably both care about him? But because Toshiro didn't bother to be deadpan about him being a bit odd at times, Laios thought it meant that was fine.

And that kinda hurts. Like damn. Laios just wanted to make a true connection. And I can't really blame Toshiro either, he was just trying to keep the peace but. Damn.

Free her! Let her do her illegal magics! She deserves it! （︶^︶）

Thoughts:

Senshi just being annoyed about that one last harpy looking for scraps.... like "shoo, this ain't the time"

That gnome seems genuinely nice. I'm sorry Falin squished his pet undyne.

Kabru hugging his..... mage? Girlfriend???? Seems very...one sided. Kinda feel bad for her.

Laios and Toshiro still going at it, I see. Get it allout, boys.

Uhhhhhhhhhh ninja girls.

Aww, doggo.

Last question: Where did the cat go?

Senshi: I can fix that.

Are you all worried because he's finally making sense?!?!

Laios and he punched their singular braincells into several new ones, it seems.

F./....Falin... please give the caterpillar some privacy........

My man, maybe lead with that............

I can't believe Marcille was potentially more forward about her feelings.......

"his pupils are dilated" yes, thank you sherlock. You've finally realized what everyone else who meets Laios feels almost immediately. he's a monster freak club card carrying member. Welcome.

p.....pubby......

As long as he was also inside the dungeon with them.... yes.

The issue with Kabru isn't that he isn't trying his best. It's that Laios isn't trying at all.

On a scale of one to Kabru, how badly do you react to being offered a food you don't want to eat?

......oh no. He's so pathetic it's funny. He's growing on me.

Absolute morons, the pair of them. Immovable object meets unstoppable force. The funniest combination ever. Ghost type and normal type pokemon, forever throwing moves at each other that will never hit. Laios thinking he's made a friend. Kabru just barely stopping himself from killing Laios. Best comedy pair. Tom and Jerry in a can.

Anyway. What a great manga.

[worshipper-status]

💙A General Guide to Taking Care of a Disabled Darling (From a Disabled Yandere)💙

Hiya everyone! I saw someone make a guide on this and wanted to add some more in depth detail as a disabled yandere so I can give you all the best advice on keeping and caring for your darling. Admittedly as someone who's disabled, nothing makes me want to be away from someone more than someone who is ableist so if you want to keep a darling with a disability it's best to be informed. I'm going to approach this as if you are in an active relationship with someone just because that's where a lot of my perspective comes from (as well as from the perspective of my personal disabilities) but if you all want any more advice please tell me! Anyways onto the list!

(Long post below)

1.) Research, research, research

If your darling tells you what specific conditions they deal with write it down. Remember it. Anything. And when you get a spare moment, I want you to pour yourself into research for that condition and generally how disabled people are treated. If you are an able-bodied yandere, you are not immune to ableism and that is the number one thing that will push your darling away. Learn everything you can about their condition. What may help one disability may hurt another. Also if you and your darling are on good terms don't be afraid to ask questions! Take note of what personally helps them. Good example, while hot water is known to help with joint pain and muscle aches it can be really bad for disabilities that cause light headedness and vertigo like POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) so knowing what you're dealing with can give you a leg up.

As a general note, try to avoid telling them to exercise, meditate, do yoga, go on a diet, etc. If that stuff could fix out conditions we already would have done it, and for certain conditions, it can make symptoms worse. Please listen to your darling on what they specifically need. Become an expert on every facet of them and their opinions on their disability. If you're reading this you're probably a yandere so it's not exactly like research is hard for us.

2.) Have supplies on hand

Being disabled and going anywhere usually requires some level of forethought, or effort. So try making it easier by having supplies on hand. Here's a list of stuff I keep on me at all times to aid with m disabilities when I'm out in the wild!

Pain meds of choice

Instant hot packs

Instant cold packs

Hot and cold pain cream (BIOFREEZE IS EXPENSIVE BUT IT WORKS SO WELL)

Electrolyte drink or drink mix with water

Compression items for different joints

Blood pressure reader of some kind (I use a fitbit tbh)

Headphones

Sunglasses (Sun is to bright, don't judge)

Fidget toys

My mobility aid

Now this is what I personally carry on myself. What you can carry for your darling is going to vary on who they are, where they stand in your life and what their disabilities are. (Note: If you know someone with POTS and they have a flare up, being able to provide an electrolyte drink during the episode may help get you on their good side, especially if they know you as someone they can rely on for that. Don't hold me to that advice all I know is I would probably marry someone if they did that for me lmao.)

Adjust to what they personally need. There's a lot of other items that could be useful to have on hand depending on what their disabilities are, such as different types of OTC meds you could grab, specific compression items, heart rate monitors, glucose monitors, vomit bags, incontinence products, if legal marijuana products, etc. It's all based on what they struggle with which is why step one is research. You can't build a medical supply kit if you don't know what you're trying to treat.

3.) Be their advocate

This is the me lecturing you about ableism section. Your darling whether physically or mentally disabled has to put up with a LOT of bullshit. Ableism is very deeply rooted in our society, so often you're gonna see your darling in certain situations. Strangers asking whats wrong with them, people claiming they don't have what they say they have, saying their faking for attention, saying they don't really need XYZ support item, etc. You need to learn to defend your darling the correct way.

It's going to vary from person to person, from situation to situation, but your best bet is shutting shit like that down. some stranger walks up to your wheelchair using yandere and asks what's wrong with them? Tell them your darlings medical history is none of their business. Someone says their lazy for using their supports? Stand up for them. Say they need these supports and being on a fair playing field with everyone else isn't lazy. At a doctor's appointment and your darling is AFAB and the doctor's trying to blow off their symptoms? Tell them what you've seen. Ask the doc what they would do if your darling wasn't AFAB. Tell them to mark lack of treatment in charts. Make the doctors cover their asses. You in these settings are your darling's biggest resource.

But also...

4.) Learn when to shut the fuck up. Don't put your foot in your mouth.

You (if you are an able bodied yandere, which is my target demographic with this) reading this, probably struggle a lot with being ableist and don't even realize. This is where listening to others is gonna win you a lot of brownie points. Sometimes, you need to advocate, sometimes, especially in disabled spaces with your darling, you need to learn to shut the fuck up and listen. It will usually benefit you greatly to not speak over your darling in these settings because it can give you a lot of useful info on how to deepen your relationship and also not be an ass to them. In the beginning, there's going to be times where you say hurtful shit. Move your pride to the side and apologize. You are not immune to having bigoted ideals. General rule of thumb, if your darling wants to speak first, let them, you can give input afterwards. And if they specifically tell you to shut up in a certain setting because you're talking over them, shut up.

5.) Okay now for the fun stuff. Love languages!

With people who struggle with disabilities, they may express their love languages in different ways. Acts of service may carry more weight if your darling really struggles with tasks. Quality time may matter more if they're bed ridden and bored out of their mind. Here is a very general guide of love language actions for disabled darlings.

Acts of Service:

Cleaning their room for them

Doing the dishes

Taking out trash

Doing their laundry

Making doctor's appointments for them

Taking them to and from doctor's appointments

Refilling and picking up their prescriptions

Quality Time:

If they're in a pain flare, keep them company, even if it's just napping with them!

Watch shows with them if they're struggling with doing anything that requires a lot of movement.

Run errands with them, so they can have help with difficult tasks like carrying heavy objects, or talking to customer service representatives.

If they're unable to leave the house but able to move a little bit, suggest video games, board games, or some fun low energy activity together

Go to doctor's appointments with them. Like be in the physical room. You'd be surprised how much it helps if your darling wants the assistance.

Words of Affirmation:

ENCOURAGE THEM

SERIOUSLY BEING DISABLED IS SO FUCKING HARD

THEY GOT OUT OF BED TODAY? PRAISE THEM!

THEY DECIDED TO MAKE A MEAL INSTEAD OF EATING ONLY DORITOS? PRAISE THEM!

EVERYTHING THEY DO REQUIRES MORE EFFORT THAN THE NORMAL HUMAN YOU BETTER FUCKING BE PRAISING THEM FOR THAT SHIT

Physical Touch:

Okay, gonna get the caveat out of the way, some conditions will cause physical touch to be painful. Find out from your darling if that's the case. Otherwise...

Does your darling struggle with hygiene? Do they trust you enough to be naked in front of you? Shower together. Not even in a horny way, taking showers while disabled fucking sucks man. Having someone to help me wash myself helps a lot. Bonus points if shower chair is involved.

Massages. If your loved one needs a lot of creams or ointments, put them on for them, work them in carefully. If they're more pain treatments, a deeper massage may also help work those knots out. Just be careful and be gentle and slow. Listen to your darling. Pay attention to their responses. Whether they're leaning into or away from how hard you're kneading. Just communicate clearly for this. Don't hurt them on accident

Cuddles. I'm gonna be blunt. Sometimes, your darling will end up stuck in bed barely able to do anything. Cuddle them. Being stuck is so much less lonely that way. Also bonus points for nap time being a quality time thing.

Help them with "intimate" tasks they may struggle with. Showering together goes in this category but for a broader purpose, this category exists. Once again this has to have that layer of trust, but this is things like helping them get dressed, helping them feed themselves, helping them brush their teeth or manage their hair (PLEASE DO RESEARCH ON THEIR HAIR TYPE FOR THIS).

Receiving Gifts:

Help them pay for medical supplies if you can afford it. It doesn't need to be a power chair. If you want to just buy someone some ibuprofen, or a heating pad, or just like... some small item that may help them, I promise you it will matter. If they mention running low on a critical medical supply that's OTC and you have the money for, just buy it for them.

Buying them things that can keep them entertained in bed or inside the house is also a really nice thoughtful item.

STREAMING SERVICES!!! IF YOU CAN PAY FOR A SUBSCRIPTION OF THEIR CHOICE TO ANY STREAMING SERVICE THEY WANT. GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO BINGE WATCH WITH YOU WHILE STUCK IN BED.

This one is a little more tailored to me, but if your darling is like me and appreciates monthly subscription boxes with surprise items in them, consider a "spoonie" or "chronic illness" box. They are usually pretty surface level stuff but the items in them tend to be nice and veer in the self care category so it's an option to consider.

Don't give them "Get well soon cards" unless you know FOR CERTAIN that whatever is plaguing them right now can actually get well soon. Most disabilities you can't recover from. There is no "get well soon" for most of us. Don't give us a reminder of that.

Anyways! That's my list. Feel free to add onto this if you all have any other ideas. If you're ableist in my notes, I freely block and report so don't test me.

Have a nice day!

(I didn't proofread this, please cut me some slack if this is all over the place)

[all-the-things-2020]

Late Night Talking - Chapter Eleven

Summary: Dieter gets busier after the movie premiere and he and Emily go to NYC for The Tonight Show

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: ~6900

Tag list: @rhoorl @avastrasposts @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @gwendibleywrites @weho2kcmo

Things got very busy for Dieter after that weekend. Meetings and auditions and interviews filled his schedule. Every day I got multiple texts and voicemails from him. I called him back when I got home, but he was a little frustrated.

”If you’d gotten back to me in time, I could have gotten you invited, too,” he said the day he’d left three voicemails about a party at a Warner Brothers executive’s Malibu beach house. 

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I keep my phone locked in my desk while I’m at work. I don’t really have time to check it except on my lunch break.”

”Yeah, I know,” he said. “I just … all this great stuff is happening and I want to share it with you.”

”I’m happy for you, Deet. You deserve all of it. And I don’t need to go everywhere with you.” 

“You kind of do,” he said slowly. “Carmen says that now that we’re red carpet official, we need to be seen together. It’s good for my image. The new Dieter Bravo is sober and in a stable relationship. Someone the studios can rely on, someone the general public can relate to.”

“I get it,” I said. “But what about privacy? A lot of celebrities keep their romantic partners out of the spotlight.”

”We’ll get there,” he promised. “But right now, while I’m still working on my comeback … I need your help, Em.”

A thought crossed my mind and I didn’t like it. “You … you didn’t ask me out because you thought I’d be good for your image, did you?”

”Hell, no! This is all shit Carmen spun. I mean, she’s good at taking what really happens and spinning it. She never told me to get a girlfriend, and she actually tried to talk me out of taking you to the premiere. She thought it was too early, that I needed some time in the spotlight alone to re-establish my image with the focus just on me, but I wanted you there.”

”Calm down, Deet. I believe you.” And I did. There was just a tiny little fraction of a percentage of my brain that didn’t.

**************************************************

Dieter showed up at my place that Friday evening with a smile on his face and a box in his hand. “For you,” he said.

I saw the Apple logo but I already had a phone and it was too small for an iPad or MacBook. “What is it?”

”Open it up,” he said. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet like a little kid. “It’s an Apple Watch,” he said before I’d even gotten the lid all the way off. “It syncs with your phone, so you can get texts and phone calls and stuff even if your phone is in your desk drawer. This way I can always get a hold of you.”

He pulled another package out of his pocket. “I even bought an upgraded band for you. Leather.” He snatched the box out of my hands. “Get your phone and let’s set it up.”

I picked my phone up off the coffee table. I wasn’t entirely sure I liked the idea of being at Dieter’s beck and call every moment of the day, but he was so excited, I couldn't tell him I wasn’t thrilled with the gift. For one thing, it was expensive. Even the most basic version was far beyond my price range. I wasn’t comfortable accepting gifts, anyway. I always made sure to pay my friends and co-workers back if they paid for lunch, or at least, made sure I treated them the next time. I didn’t like being beholden to anyone.

Dieter got the watch set up and helped me adjust the band to fit snugly but comfortably. “It‘ll count your steps, check your heart rate, all of that,” he said. “Like a Fitbit but you get texts and stuff as well. Real Dick Tracy shit.”

He pulled out his phone and sent me a text. The watch vibrated gently against my skin and a notification popped up. “See, you can read the text right on the watch,” Dieter said eagerly. “You can even send a suggested reply. And you can answer calls.” He tapped his phone again and this time the watch buzzed rhythmically as my phone rang. “Answer it!”

I tapped the green button and said, “Hello?” 

Dieter’s voice came out of my wrist. “You ready for dinner?” I couldn’t help but smile. It really was Dick Tracy level shit. 

“Yes,” I replied.

****************************************************

My watch buzzed on my wrist. I twisted my arm to wake it up and  saw a text message from Dieter. 

DIETER: U need to take next Thurs & Fri off. No questions

ME: What? Why?

DIETER: Hey no questions! Call me when u can xoxo

“I’m going to take a quick break,” I told Elaine, who as always was watching me from her office. . It was a quiet time of the day, so I grabbed my phone from the back office, stepped outside where the cell signal was stronger and called Dieter.

“That was fast,” he said. I usually wasn’t able to call him during the day.

“I can’t just take time off without knowing why,” I said. “What’s going on?”

“Remember on our first date, I told you I’d show you New York sometime?,” he said. “Well, I just got booked on The Tonight Show for next Thursday, and you’re coming with me.”

“Wait, what?”

“My agent booked me on The Tonight Show,” he repeated. “It’s filmed in New York. I want you to come with me. We leave that morning, we’ll come back on Saturday. I already booked the flight.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll put in for the time off,” I said. I knew we didn’t have much on the agenda the following week and I had plenty of vacation time banked since I tended to save it up for the end of the school year when I was tired. “I’ll call you again when I get home.”

“Great,” he said. “Talk to you then, babe.”

I hung up and went back inside. Elaine immediately asked if anything was wrong. The woman had an instinct for finding out bad news and spreading it around the entire campus.

“No, no, everything’s fine. But I’ll be taking a couple of days off next week,” I said. “Excuse me, but I need to put that in the system before I forget.” I knew she was dying to ask why I was taking time off, but it was none of her business and I liked to stymie her efforts at being nosy. I hurried off to the back office to use the computer, leaving her standing indignantly at the counter.

************************************

I had my luggage in the trunk of my car, so at the end of the day on Wednesday, I drove straight from work to Dieter’s house. It felt weird to be driving in during the middle of the week again. I’d done it quite a bit during the summer, when we’d first started dating, but now that I’d been back at work for a few months, I was used to fighting Friday evening traffic. Not that Wednesday evening traffic was exactly light, but it was better than usual and I got to his house a good twenty minutes faster than I’d expected. 

“Hey, baby,” Dieter said when he answered the door. “You got here fast.” He pulled me inside, wrapping his arms around me and giving me an exuberant kiss. “I ordered dinner but it won’t be delivered for about an hour.” He raised an eyebrow. “What should we do until then?” 

“Gee, I don’t know,” I said, playing along. We both knew full well we were going to end up making out on the couch. It was our typical routine on Friday nights. He’d order food to be delivered about a half hour after I got there and we’d occupy ourselves by making up for not having seen each other for almost a week. The doorbell always seemed to ring far too soon, but this time we had an extra half hour to indulge ourselves.

I was on Dieter’s lap, my skirt hiked up above my waist and my hand down his pants when the doorbell rang. We both groaned, frustrated at being interrupted. I climbed off him, pulled my skirt back down and went to the door, since it was going to be a minute or two before he was able to walk properly.

“Dinner first or do you want to pick up where we left off?” I asked when I came back with the food. It was Thai food, and smelled absolutely amazing, but I was willing to wait for it if that’s what he wanted.

He fastened the button on his pants. “Let’s eat,” he said. “Don’t want the food to get cold, and I think we’ll heat back up better than it will.” I rolled my eyes and took the food into the kitchen, where I started to unpack it onto the island. Dieter got out the plates and flatware, took a couple of beers out of the fridge, and soon we were perched on barstools, shoveling Thai food into our faces.

“What time is our flight in the morning?” I asked him in between mouthfuls.

“Six,” he said with a groan. “We get into New York at two, so they’ll probably take us straight to 30 Rock from the airport so I can do makeup and shit before the taping.”

“Flight leaves at six, so we need to get there at what … four?” I was feeling tired already.

“Yeah, I think the Uber is supposed to get here at 3:15 or something like that,” he said. “It’s all on my phone.” He took a swig of his beer. “I hate early flights, but NBC wouldn’t spring for an extra night at the hotel. It was hard enough to get them to include Friday night.”

“They’re paying?” I asked. “I thought you said you booked the flight.”

“Oh, yeah, they pay for your hotel, transportation, all that shit when you do a talk show. They don’t pay you, because technically it’s free publicity for you. I’m paying for your plane ticket, but that’s it.” 

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” I said, playing with the label on my bottle of beer. I still felt weird having Dieter pay for things, even though he insisted it was no big deal. I knew he could afford it more than I could, but it still felt awkward.

“I wanted to show you New York, and this was a perfect opportunity to do it,” he said. “I know how you feel about me paying for stuff, so I thought doing it on someone else’s dime might make you less likely to turn me down.” He made a pensive face.

I sat my fork down and laid my hand on top of his. “Hey,” I said. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate everything, sweetheart. I do. I’m just not used to anyone spending money on me.” 

He flipped his hand over and entwined his fingers with mine. “I know,” he said, rubbing his thumb against my palm. “I’m trying to not go overboard.” He smiled. “It’s just hard not to spoil you, babe.”

I rolled my eyes. No one had ever wanted to spoil me before and I certainly wasn’t expecting it from him. We finished our dinner in silence, playing with each other’s fingers. This was one of the things I liked best about our relationship. We didn’t always need to say anything to communicate with each other.

I washed the dishes while Dieter dumped the leftovers in the trash (no point in keeping them if we weren’t going to be back for several days) and took the trash and recycling out to the bins. When he came back inside, he had that look on his face.

“So,” he said, taking the dish towel out of my hand and tossing it on the counter. “Shall we pick up where we left off?” He spun me around so I was facing him, backed me against the counter and gave me a deep, passionate kiss. He tasted like Thai food and beer.

“We should probably go to bed early,” I said when he came up for air. ���Early flight and all.”

He hummed in agreement, already busy nibbling on my neck. I pushed him away and steered him backward toward the bedroom. He bumped into the wall a couple of times, but we made it eventually. 

*****************************

The next morning was all a blur. We got up at 2:30, stumbled our way to the Uber, yawned through the security lines at LAX and slumped into our seats on the plane. Dieter fell asleep almost immediately, but I can’t sleep in that sort of situation, so I only managed a fitful doze. When we landed, we were met by a team of bright young interns from NBC who grabbed our luggage and whisked it off of the hotel in one car while we were bundled into another one for the drive to Rockefeller Center.

Dieter and I were crammed in the back seat of a town car with an intern who was consulting two different phones at once. She rattled off the schedule for the evening before making a call and carrying on a conversation while texting several people on the other phone. 

“Is it always like this?” I whispered. Dieter just shrugged and put his arm around my shoulder. I stared out the window at the city passing by as we drove along the expressway. He played with my hair as the intern tapped away at her phone, oblivious to us both.

The car pulled up in front of 30 Rock, the famous building that housed NBC Studios, the Rainbow Room, and other landmarks. I couldn’t help but stare up at the towering building as the intern ushered us inside. I was used to seeing skyscrapers now and then in L.A. but nothing this huge and imposing.

Suddenly, there was yet another intern at my elbow. “Hi, I’m Stephanie,” she said brightly. “Are you Mr. Bravo’s assistant?”

“She’s my girlfriend, Emily,” Dieter said. “Take care of her, okay?”

“Got it, Mr. Bravo,” she said. The other intern was already steering him away, chattering something about getting to makeup before she got killed.

“See you later, babe,” Dieter said, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek before he disappeared.

I must have looked a bit shell-shocked, because Stephanie patted my arm. “Karen’s a force of nature,” she said. “That girl thinks the world will stop turning if she lets off the gas even a smidge. Which is why she’ll probably be running the place in fifteen years.” She shrugged and consulted her clipboard. “Well, while they’re prepping your boyfriend for camera, would you like a quick tour of the studio? The show starts shooting at five, but they start letting the audience in at four, so we have a little time before then. I can show you the set and everything, let you pick out where you want to sit during the show. Unless you’d rather hang out in the Green Room with Mr. Bravo?”

“Oh, no, I’ve never been to a taping before, I’d like to be in the audience,” I told her. She looked me quickly up and down.

“Let’s swing by wardrobe, get you a scarf or something to brighten up your outfit,” she said. “The director likes to have some color in the audience.” I was wearing my favorite jumpsuit, which was not only cute but extremely comfortable, which was important during the flight. It was also black with thin white pin stripes, not exactly something that would pop on camera.

Stephanie led me into the depths of the studio, pointing out things right and left as we wended our way through the labyrinth. We stopped in the wardrobe department, where she talked someone into loaning me an adorable electric blue blazer that set off my jumpsuit perfectly. Then she walked me into the studio where The Tonight Show was shot.

Crew were bustling around, setting up cameras and lights and prepping the set, but Stephanie took me right up onto the stage. “So here’s where Jimmy sits,” she said, pointing out a chair behind the desk. “And the chairs where the guests sit.” She plopped down in one and patted the cushion beside her. “Come on, have a seat. This is the view Mr. Bravo will have when he’s on stage. So, where do you want to sit?” She pointed at an area of the audience. “You‘ll be in his line of sight if you sit in that section.”

“Oh, um, wherever you think would be good,” I said, a bit overwhelmed as I realized that in a short time Dieter was going to be sitting right here in this chair, being interviewed by Jimmy Fallon and looking into the audience to see me sitting among the hundreds of others, watching him. How did he do this all the time? Get up in front of strangers and risk looking like a fool? I got nervous just speaking in front of five or six coworkers that I’d known for years.

“Hey, Stephanie, you warming up the chairs?,” a stagehand said as he walked past. He had a headset on and a phone in his hand. How did these people keep track of all these conversations? 

“Just showing Emily around,” she said. “Her boyfriend’s a guest; wanted to show her what his view will be.”

“Well, we need to do some lighting checks so you need to clear the set,” he said.

“Sure,” Stephanie said, jumping up. She gestured for me to follow her. “Have you had lunch yet?”

“Um, no,” I said. We’d had some pretzels on the plane but hadn’t had time to stop for anything after leaving the airport.

She walked me up into the seating area, stopping to slap a sticky note on an aisle seat two rows up from the front. “We’ll hit craft services so you can eat,” she said, “but this will save your seat for you.” We continued up to the top of the auditorium and out into a waiting area where a bunch of people were milling around. “These are the audience members,” she said off-handedly, steering me to the left. “They’ll let them in after they finish all the checks but we can take our time.”

We went through a door that Stephanie had to unlock with a key card and through two more doors and down a hallway to a long room lined on one side by tables covered with sandwiches, fruit, cookies, and other assorted food. “Take whatever you want,” she said, grabbing a bottle of water out of a bucket of ice at the end of the table. 

I was surveying the spread, trying to decide what to choose, when I heard Stephanie say, “Hey, Jimmy.” I looked up and saw Jimmy Fallon grabbing a coffee and bagel off the table.

“Hey, Steph,” he said. “Who’s your friend?”

“Oh, this is Emily. She’s here with Dieter Bravo. Thought she should have something to eat before the show starts.” 

Jimmy nodded and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Emily,” he said, shaking my hand. “Dieter’s still in makeup but he’ll be out in a minute. He said you came straight from the airport so I’m sure you’re starving.” He waved his hand at the food. “Take whatever you want, it comes out of Seth Meyers’ budget.”

Stephanie laughed, and so did I, even though I was searching my mind to remember who Seth Meyers was. I didn’t watch much late night television, since I had to get up so damn early for work.

“Hey,” Jimmy said, leaning toward me. “Got any embarrassing stories I can ask Dieter about? They gave me the standard, boring questions but it’s more fun if I can put a guest on the spot.”

I grabbed some strawberries off the table and popped one in my mouth to give me a chance to think. “Um, you could ask him about the scar on his butt,” I said. “Even if he won’t tell the story, it’ll get him flustered.” 

Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “Oho, that sounds promising,” he said. He grabbed a napkin off the table and pulled a pen out of his jacket pocket, scribbled a note and shoved both back into this pocket just as Dieter came into the room.

“Oh, yeah, food,” he said as he came toward us. He did pause to give me a quick kiss but most of his focus was on the food. I followed him down the line of tables as we each filled a plate and then found seats on the other side of the room. People were running around, some eating, some carrying clipboards, others just running for no apparent reason. It was organized chaos.

“You coming backstage?” Dieter asked in between bites.

“No, Stephanie saved a seat for me in the audience,” I told him. “I’ve never seen a show taping, so I thought it would be interesting.”

He nodded. “I’ll look for you,” he said, winking at me. He popped the last bite of his food in his mouth. “They’re going to call for places soon,” he said. “I’ll see you after the show. Have fun.” He leaned over and kissed me before taking my empty plate and stacking it on top of his. He tossed them both in the trash as he headed back the way he’d come.

Stephanie reappeared at my side. “Let me get you settled in the audience,” she said. “We’re about twenty minutes from the monologue.” I was surprised at how quickly time had gone by. No wonder everyone was in such a hurry.

She led me back through several doors and back into the studio. The seats were all full except for a few that had large bright yellow “RESERVED” signs on them, including mine. Stephanie ripped the sign off my seat and waited until I was settled. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll meet you in the lobby after the show. Enjoy!”

Stephanie disappeared and I settled into my seat. I had an excellent view of the stage and she was right: I was going to be right in Dieter’s line of sight. An older couple was sitting in front of me and next to me on the right was a young woman who was practically bouncing in her seat. She was on her phone and I couldn’t help overhearing her side of the conversation.

“No, somebody took it,” she said with a dramatic sigh. “No, nobody important that I can tell. Some middle aged soccer mom type. Probably somebody’s mom or aunt or something. Yeah, I was hoping for the aisle seat, but I got as close as I could. I’m going to have such a great view! God, I hope he can see the audience from the stage. I wore purple because it’s his favorite color, he’d definitely see me if I was in that aisle seat.”

It wasn’t hard to figure out who she was talking about. She was in her twenties, wearing a low cut purple blouse and tight jeans. Her phone case had a picture of Dieter on it and her purse sported a Cliff Beasts themed tag. 

“I am so glad you told me he was going to be on tonight,” she went on. “I had to spend seventy-five bucks to get a ticket off someone in line, but it will be so worth it! I mean, I’m about ready to hyperventilate already just knowing I’m in the same building he is!”

Just then my own phone dinged and I pulled it out of my purse. 

DIETER: U should have come backstage they have skittles!!

Next came a photo of a giant bowl of Skittles. I stifled a laugh as I texted back.

ME: Don’t eat them all u will be bouncing off the walls all nite

DIETER: Too late The text was followed by a GIF of Tigger bouncing on his tail.

ME: U r crazy 

DIETER: Yup. Gotta go I’m on deck, i go right after the monologue

ME: Break a leg

I slipped the phone back into my purse. If the girl next to me only knew who I was texting … The awkward high school girl in me wanted so badly to rub it in her face, especially after the “soccer mom” crack, but I knew it was petty and childish. So I kept my mouth shut.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please silence or turn off your phones and other electronic devices,” an announcer said. “Remember, photography and recording during the taping are strictly prohibited.” I dutifully powered off my phone, but the girl next to me simply tucked hers into her purse, keeping one hand inside the handbag. I had the feeling she was going to live Tweet the entire thing.

A few minutes later, the lights over the audience dimmed and a young man came out to warm up the audience. “Folks, Jimmy will be out in a few minutes to do his monologue, but first let’s get to know each other a bit better.” He started into a spiel, asking those who were from out of town to raise their hands, then those who were in New York for the first time. He walked up and down the aisles, asking questions here and there, making stupid jokes that made everyone groan. 

Then, he bounded back down to the stage, consulted with someone who I assumed was the director (she had a huge headset on, three clipboards and an iPad). He nodded, the director lifted on hand, did a countdown, then pointed at The Roots who began to play the theme song. The announcer came back on. “Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon!”

The “Applause” sign came on and then Jimmy was walking on stage. He looked taller than he had backstage, but maybe that was because instead of scrounging for a bagel, now he was standing in a spotlight, delivering a witty monologue. When the monologue was over, he said, “We’re going to take a quick break, but when we come back, help me welcome our first guest, Oscar winner Dieter Bravo!”

The girl next to me practically screamed right in my ear and I winced. The director made a signal with her hand and the spotlight went out, Jimmy seemed to shrink back to normal size and the red lights on the cameras went off. “We’re out,” the director said. “Two minutes.”

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” the girl next to me was muttering. Her leg was bouncing so hard I was afraid she was going to work her seat loose from the bolts holding it to the floor. 

“Back in thirty,” said a stage manager. The girl started wringing her hands and she was breathing so erratically I was afraid she was going to pass out.

“Ten.” Were those actual tears in her eyes? 

“Five, four, three, two, one ….” The director pointed at Jimmy, who was now seated behind his desk, the lights went back up and the camera lights glowed red.

“Welcome back!,” Jimmy said. “And now, let’s welcome our first guest. He won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for Illusions and is currently co-starring in the hit film Time for a Change … give it up for Dieter Bravo!”

The curtains parted and Dieter walked out, waving to the audience, a huge smile on his face. The girl beside me was screaming, “I love you, Dieter!,” and it made my ears ring. I clapped politely.

He scanned the crowd as he walked toward Jimmy’s desk and I knew the moment he spotted me; his eyes lit up and he gave me a quick wink. “Oh my God,” the girl beside me said to no one. “He winked at me!”

I rolled my eyes but held my tongue. Dieter shook hands with Jimmy, turned to face the audience again, waved one last time, then sat down. As the applause died down, Jimmy tapped his stack of cue cards against the top of the desk.

“So, Dieter, it’s great to see you again,” he said. “I think the last time was, what, when you were in ‘Cliff Beasts 6’?”

“Yes, that seems like a lifetime ago,” Dieter said with a laugh. “Kind of was, actually.”

“Things really have changed a lot for you the last couple of years,” Jimmy said. “But this isn’t an Oprah interview, so don’t worry, I won’t ask any hard questions. Maybe.” There was laughter from the audience. The girl next to me was perched on the edge of her seat, hands clasped in front of her so tightly her knuckles were turning white.

Jimmy and Dieter chatted a bit about the film. It was standard stuff, nothing he hadn’t already said ten times before, but somehow Dieter made the same old anecdotes and platitudes sound fresh. 

Then Jimmy flicked his eyes up into the audience and I swear he looked right at me before smiling quietly. “And acting’s dangerous, too,” he said. “You don’t do a lot of action films but there are sometimes stunts involved. I think you got a scar on your elbow from a scene in Nightshade?”

”Yeah,” Dieter said. “The set had some exposed screws and nails on this one part and I accidentally fell against it. Cut me pretty bad. I had to get stitches.” He grimaced.

“But that’s not your only scar,” Jimmy said. “I heard you got another scar, more recently? In a more intimate location? Can you tell us about that?”

Dieter closed his eyes and I knew he was cursing me inwardly. He opened his eyes, gave me an “I’m going to kill you later” look and turned to Jimmy. “Yes, I do have another scar, but there’s two ways I can tell the story. One way embarrasses me, and the other embarrasses someone else, who I suspect is the person who told you to ask me about it. So … do I throw her under the bus, or do I throw myself under the bus?” He grinned wickedly and glanced up at me. I just smiled at him. It was up to him how he wanted to tell the story and whichever way he chose, I was fine with it.

“Oh, I don’t think you can throw her under the bus,” Jimmy said. “Believe me, never embarrass your significant other in public, or you’ll pay for it for years. My wife still brings up the time on our third date when I … well, I’d better not say anything else or she’ll lock me out of the house. Again.” Everyone laughed. 

Dieter sighed and sat forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. “Okay,” he said. “Here’s the story. The one that makes me look like an idiot. So … I was at my girlfriend’s house. It’s the middle of the night, we’re sound asleep, and the smoke alarm started peeping. Not going off like there’s a fire, just that annoying little ‘peep’ that means the battery’s low. And we wake up and I’m like, ‘What’s going on?,’ and she says, ‘It’s the smoke alarm, it needs a new battery.’”

“It always happens in the middle of the night, doesn’t it?” Jimmy asked. “What’s up with that?”

“Right?” Dieter said. “So, she says ‘I’ve got to get the step stool so we can reach it,’ and I, trying to impress her with my handyman skills and supreme manliness, reason , ‘Oh, no, I can just stand on the bed and reach it.’ So I get a battery out of the drawer and I stand up on the bed and unscrew the cover … feeling pretty proud of myself. And then I stepped back just a bit, my foot slipped off the edge of the mattress and I fell off the bed.” Everyone gasped. “Knocked over the night stand, which broke the lamp … and then I landed on the lamp. The broken lamp.”

Jimmy grimaced. “Oh, man.”

“Yeah,” Dieter said. “Landed on my ass right on top of a huge shard of glass from the lamp. Naked. Bleeding all over the floor. She’s freaking out, I’m freaking out —- because it hurt like hell — we rush to the emergency room at like one o’clock in the morning and I end up getting nine stitches.”

Jimmy was dying laughing by this point, laying across his desk. “Oh, man,” he said again. “That … that is … I mean, I know it isn’t funny, you got hurt, but …” He dissolved into laughter again.

Dieter laughed ruefully. “Yeah, at the time we were pretty traumatized, but now it’s pretty funny. I mean, no one wants to show up in the ER and have to tell the doctor that they’ve been stabbed in the ass … by a lamp.”

Everyone was laughing by this time, including me, and Jimmy had tears running down his face. “Oh, oh,” he gasped. “You have got to thank your girlfriend for telling me to ask you about this. This is hilarious.”

“Oh, I will,” Dieter said. “Trust me, we’ll be talking about this tonight.” 

Jimmy recovered his composure long enough to say, “We need to take another break, but just you wait … next up, Broadway’s newest Aaron Burr …” I was distracted by the girl next to me frantically tapping away on her phone, which was hidden in her lap under her purse. She was typing so hard she bumped me with her elbow.

“Oh, sorry,” she whispered. When I glanced over I saw part of her text: OMG that image him naked on the floor, so hawt, I’m gonna die

I shook my head. “And we’re out,” the director said. “Two minutes, folks.” I looked back up and Jimmy and Dieter were chatting about something, leaning across the desk to hear each other over the murmur of the audience. Then they both looked up at the same time, caught my eye and busted up laughing. I pointed at them and shook my head.

“Thirty seconds,” the call came and I realized the girl next to me had seen me pointing at the stage.

“You know Jimmy Fallon?,” she asked, her eyes narrowing. I could see the wheels turning in her head. Just how much had I heard of her description of me, and if I knew Jimmy, could I introduce her to Dieter?

“Not really,” I said. “Just met him today.”

“Then you know …?,” the light was dawning in her eyes.

“Ten seconds!”

“Shh, we’re almost back,” I said, turning my attention back to the stage.

“Five, four, three, two, one ….”

The lights went back up, Jimmy snapped back into host mode and was introducing the next guest, an up and coming young man who had recently taken over the role of Aaron Burr in ‘Hamilton’. He walked out, shook hands with Jimmy, and then with Dieter, who moved over one seat. 

I did my best to pay attention to the interview (which was extremely interesting), ignoring the girl next to me who was alternately staring at me, typing furiously on her phone and watching Dieter. Every time he flicked his eyes in my direction, she tensed up. It was extremely petty of me to enjoy it so much, but I didn’t care. 

At the next break, she turned to me, all bright eyed and smiling. “So, how do you know Dieter?”

As if you haven’t already figured it out, I thought. “He fell off my bed,” I said simply, then turned my attention back to the stage. She didn’t try to talk to me again until the show was over.

******************************

The girl followed me into the lobby. I tried my best to ignore her and was relieved to see Stephanie waiting for me. “Come on, Emily,” she said. 

“Oh, do you work here?,” the girl said, butting in. Stephanie gave her an irritated look and nodded. “Will there be a meet and greet with the guests? A stage door or something?”

“No,” Stephanie said. “I’m afraid not.” She turned away and ushered me toward the locked door we’d passed through before. “Let me guess, fan girl?,” she said as soon as we were far enough away for the girl not to overhear.

“Yes,” I said. “I thought she was going to have an aneurysm when he walked on stage.”

Stephanie snorted. “You should have been here when we had the Backstreet Boys a couple of months ago,” she said, unlocking the door. “A bunch of middle aged fan girls acting like teenagers … it was insane.” We wended our way through the backstage area again, this time going past the room where the craft services tables were laid out and through another door. “Welcome to the Green Room,” Stephanie said.

It was not green, instead a hodgepodge of browns and tans, with a scattering of comfortable chairs and couches. The table in the middle of the room held a tray of fruit and that giant bowl of Skittles that Dieter had sent me a picture of. “You can hang out here and Mr. Bravo will be out in a few minutes,” Stephanie said. “I’ll take your blazer back to wardrobe.” I handed it to her and she disappeared through another door. I sat down on the couch, grabbing a handful of Skittles.

“Ha, I knew you couldn’t resist them.” Dieter came into the room. He’d undone another button on his shirt and already mussed up his hair. He grabbed a handful himself and plopped down next to me.

“Sorry for telling Jimmy about the scar,” I said, bumping my shoulder against his.

He shrugged. “It made for a good interview,” he said. “Better than the boring questions his staff gave him, that’s for sure.” He chuckled. “QuestLove said when I write my memoirs the title should be ‘Stabbed in the Ass By A Lamp: The Dieter Bravo Story.’”

Karen popped through yet another door. “Your car is ready, Mr. Bravo,” she said abruptly. We knew it was best not to keep her waiting.

As we settled into the back of the town car (alone this time, thank goodness), Dieter let out a huge sigh. “I don’t know about you, but I’m beat,” he said. He glanced at his watch. It was almost seven. “Let’s just eat at the hotel and make it an early night, what do you say?”

“Sounds fine by me,” I said. We’d been up since 2:30 and even though we’d gained three hours and my biological clock thought it was only going on four, I was still running on fumes. 

The Benjamin wasn’t far from Rockefeller Center. Our car pulled up in front of the entrance, which was presided over by a magnificent carved owl. Everything was done in tasteful, calming browns and cream. We stopped by the desk to pick up our keys (the interns who had taken charge of our luggage had already checked us in) and rode the elevator up to our room. It wasn’t large but Dieter had warned me that rooms in New York were never big. “Real estate is precious in the city, especially in Manhattan,” he’d told me.

We ordered room service, deciding to split the Steak Frites and a Caesar salad. While we waited for the food, I unpacked our bags and explored the amenities in the bathroom, which included the fluffiest bathrobes I’d ever seen in my life. We ate dinner, then took turns in the shower. By eight thirty, we were both wrapped in our bathrobes, lounging on the queen sized bed, flipping through the channels on the television.

“Want to stay up and watch the show?” Dieter asked as he settled on a channel that was showing Raiders of the Lost Ark. We’d both seen the movie a million times but it was a classic and we didn’t have to pay close attention to it, so it was perfect for a lazy night.

“Sure,” I said. “Not like we’re going to do anything more exciting tonight.” I had rummaged in the minibar and was laying out a bounty of macadamia nuts, Toblerone bars, and tiny bottles of Chardonnay.

“Hey,” he said.

I laughed. “I mean, we aren’t going out or anything. Although I have the feeling we’ll be lucky to stay awake long enough,” I said, stifling a yawn. It really had been a long day.

We snuggled up on the bed, munching on our impromptu dessert and watching Indy’s exploits. During the commercials, I told him about the fan girl who’d been sitting beside me and I thought he was going to fall off the bed laughing when I told him my answer to her question of how I knew him.

“Oh, sweetheart” he said. “You are so snarky sometimes.” He kissed my forehead. “I love it.”

When the movie was over, we watched a PBS travel program about trains in Scandinavia before switching over to the news at eleven. I could barely keep my eyes open by the time The Tonight Show came on, and after Dieter’s segment, I gave up completely. I took off my glasses, laid them on the nightstand and slipped out of my robe and under the covers. A few minutes later, Dieter followed suit, clicking the television off and then the lamp. “Good night, baby,” he mumbled as he slid his arms around me.

“Good night,” I said, nuzzling against his chest. I always fell asleep quickly when I was in his arms. That night was no exception.

[aemiron-main]

It Weakens Me, It Tracks Me: Soteria vs Brenner's Fitbit

So, today, Stav @heroesbyler told me that Brenner seems to have some sort of modern fitbit-esque watch in this scene (originally noticed here on reddit) and Stav mentioned that this could tie into Brenner having some sort of advanced/alternate universe technology:

But why would Brenner need this sort of device? Well:

I'm wondering if that "watch" is the companion device for Soteria- if that's how Brenner is able to track Henward.

After all, it does really resemble modern GPS tracking watches...

Now, I know that people might be saying that this is just an error and Modine forgot to take his modern watch off. And while that might be the case, I think there's also some counterpoints that support this not being a mistake. 1.) It's right there. It's center screen. How did NOBODY notice this when shooting and editing and colour grading? And it's not just a matter of "not wanting to reshoot the shot," because there's so many interviews and podcasts with cast and crew members where they talk about how particular the Duffers are and how they'll plan and reshoot things until things are exactly how they want it.

2.) There's SO much focus on watches in ST, especially in S1 (see: Mike giving El his watch and her staring at it/repeating the time while she's waiting for Mike and then El having a lab flashback), so it seems odd that they'd ignore such a key thing for Brenner's costuming (unless, of course, that IS his watch, and it's intentional that it's modern-looking)

3.) The lab (and specifically Brenner) having access to more advanced technology is not at all out of the realm of possibility- the man has a memory simulation time travel machine that he uses to brainwash kids. Getting a GPS watch is nothing. Especially considering all of the anachromisms in TFS (see: Rachel, Nevada not existing until 1978 but being mentioned in TFS, the song "Chuck E's In Love" being referenced in TFS but not coming out until the 70s), so the idea of things from the future ending up in the past is very much on the table.

4.) Modine himself is very particular about Brenner's outfits- he was the one who told the Duffers what specific type of shoes he wanted Brenner to wear, for example.

So- was this the way that Brenner was able to track Henward? Especially when we consider the idea of multiple Henwards and that there might be a Henward (or more than one Henward) that didn't get Soteria removed. And hell, what happened to Soteria after it was removed? Did Brenner re-implant it into somebody? Did he implant it into the Demogorgon or something?

There's also something about the whole "tracking Henward via soteria" thing vs the way that the party uses the compass to find the gate in S4 and S1... something about electromagnetic fields is rattling around in my brain in that regard. Anyway! Lots to think about.

[tilliwriteapine]

Today was physically and emotionally taxing.

long story short, my parents are on vacation. My sister and I have been going to their house to take care of the four cats. Well, the reality we live in recognizes that fires are a huge concern this time of year.

yeah.

a fire started near my parents house. Just far enough away that we could get to the house and get some stuff and 3 of the 4 cats. The other one was not getting out from under the bed (and unless you dismantled the bed, it wasn’t happening). We left, hoping we could return tomorrow.

unfortunately the winds changed and the fire grew and smoke really started accumulating. The tiny, no-services town was set at level 2 by the time we returned this evening. We got the cat into the crate when we found out Level 3 had been issued. That’s: go right now, you got 15 minutes. We had only been gone 2 hours 😭 We had to literally dismantle the bed after fighting with our parents over the phone forever. But we got the cat. We now officially have 12 cats on the property (inside anyway 🤣), with ten in with my sister.

The entire county’s worth of firefighters are fighting this fire. 600+ people live in a valley area that has one road in/out. Horses upon horses upon horses. Water has to be obtained from a nearby lake or the river. There are quite a few houses and property, and trees - so many trees and brush. It started at 11am and by 6pm the tiny town was evacuated.

I was born and raised in that house. Here is hoping nothing happens to it 😭 everyone is safe. Vehicles and animals and people. We don’t get all the stuff my parents had hoped for, but we got what we could. Stuff isn’t as important, I know, but ya know - human sentiment.

I don’t know if I can sleep, it was absolutely a mess. My Fitbit says my active minutes were 250+. Like, wtf.

Fire season is bad here in Oregon. 😭

[an-ruraiocht]

because my dad had a heart attack earlier this year he now has a blood pressure machine which means i could test my blood pressure today and after years of having low diastolic pressure (110/57) I actually have normal blood pressure now (102/72), thanks testosterone

but i told my dad my past results and also the fact that at one point i had a resting heart rate of about 50bpm that would sometimes drop as low as ~38bpm overnight and he was like "why didn't you go to a doctor?? they changed my meds when mine went that low!" and i was like. well you see. i did go to the doctor. and they didn't care they said it was fine

(they told me i was just very fit. i was, at the time, dancing a lot, but i was also so tired i never felt fully awake and sometimes my heart rate dropped so low while sitting at my desk that my Fitbit was convinced i was asleep. my b12 levels were all over the shop and my haemoglobin with them. i don't think the low heart rate was really just about fitness tbh)

anyway i'm fine now lmao my last set of blood test results said i was Not Even A Bit Anaemic for like. the first time in ten years (which means ever, bc ten years ago was just when i finally got blood tests)

but boy i was not fine for a long time. i think probably if lockdown hadn't happened when it did i would have got very very ill very soon after that from the strain of working full time that was already completely fucking my body over. i'd already had one big fatigue collapse that had me miss nearly two weeks of work and go completely nonverbal with exhaustion for the first time ever (VERY scary), and i think i was gearing up for a much worse repeat of it

so. i guess. in that regard and that regard only, thank god for lockdown and getting furloughed and not dying of a completely avoidable fatigue-induced bodily crisis

[messy-does-cosmology]

Guyssss OK I'm happy posting today because me and my partner just moved into actual Durham (we used to live in Bowburn which was just shit. It was at least 20 mins away on the bus, and it was likely that the bus would be at least 20-30 minutes away anyway). We started the move yesterday and then finished it today. We managed to get 3 rooms "done" (as in, you can move around in them and use them like normal), which took SOOO long, but was so worth it. We also walked into town, which felt amazing. Just conceptually having nice places within walking distance was not something we had in Bowburn. Well, there was a good local vegan bakery but it wasn't a place we would eat in.

I'm just so so happy about this move. Everything feels more coherent now. Everything makes more sense. Also, don't tell my mum yet lol, but I got another tattoo!! I've been wanting a new one for years so I got one yesterday. It's of the sun. I just really feel like, in the northern winter, I need a bit of sun. But also like my life has been really hard emotionally for the past year, and I need a bit of sun like that too. I like to get new tattoos to represent the places I live, so have wanted a new one for a while. Honestly I have wanted a new one since covid and just couldn't come up with an idea I liked.

Anyway, I slept 9 hours last night and I'm still tired, so I'm going to bed lol. My fitbit has been screaming at me to rest.

[sweetlilbird]

Would you guys like to read a sneak peek at a new fic I'm working on? 👀

You stood outside the classroom door, triple checking the small scrap of paper you tore from the larger leaflet on the commons board. Sure enough, the room was indeed room 6900 in the Everett building, an arts and humanities classroom building.

You stare down at your fitbit on your wrist - the cute Stardew Valley clock face shows that the time is, indeed, 4:55pm. About 5 minutes before this club is supposed to meet. A club that, despite your greatest efforts, you hadn't planned on attending. If it wasn't for Undyne giving you quite possibly the saddest puppy eyes (and also the fact that you owe her for helping you study for your calculus midterm), you would have been on your way back to the dorms, ready to tuck into a cup of ramen while you did homework. But no, Undyne's buddy was in desperate need of club members, lest their precious club get shut down. Er, what was the club anyways? You hadn't had the chance to ask Undyne. Well, time to find out.

You gently open the door.

...it's...empty?

Did, did you have the right classroom? You check the paper again - yep, this is the right room. And the right time. Well, maybe a couple minutes early, but usually people show up to their clubs early, right? Oh no, did the club get dissolved before you could help? You floundered around near the entrance, trying to figure out what to do when someone cleared their throat behind you.

"AHEM! EXCUSE ME, HUMAN! I MUST GET INTO THE CLASSROOM SO I CAN PREPARE FOR MY CLUB MEETING! UNLESS, GASP! ARE YOU HERE TO JOIN MY CLUB?!" Jesus, did this guy have any volume control? Also did he just say gasp out loud??

You turn around to face the offending...oh! It's a monster. Wait, that sounds bad. They are a monster, a skeleton monster to be exact. Huh, you feel like you've seen another one lazing around in the courtyards with a sucker in his mouth. This skeleton monster had quite possibly the bluest eyes you've ever seen, wearing a gray t-shirt, athletic sweats, and sporting a blue bandana around his neck.

This person must be the club leader. You regain your composure and hold out your hand, "Yeah! Undyne told me about the club," You faintly remember Undyne telling you not to say the real reason you're here, "I, er, I'm really interested in it!" You give them your best (and fakest) smile you can, trying to sell the idea and hope that he doesn't question you further. Your plan works, because now this skeleton has stars (yes, literal stars) in his eye...holes.

"WOWIE!!! A HUMAN, WANTING TO JOIN MY CLUB! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER! AND WITH YOU JOINING, THIS MEANS WE'LL BE AN OFFICIAL CLUB!" He enthusiastically grabs your hand with both of his own gloved hands, shaking so rapidly and vigorously that your whole body practically shakes. All of a sudden, he gasps (this time just the action), "OH MY GOODNESS, WHERE ARE MY MANNERS! HUMAN, MY NAME IS THE MAGNIFICENT SANS! BUT YOU CAN JUST CALL ME SANS!" Sans poses dramatically, similar to a superhero. Okay, this was actually a bit endearing. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad after all? You supply your own name, though you don't have a fancy title to go with it. Sans simply smiles and heads into the room, placing the large bag onto the teaching podium. You opt to take a seat, sitting right next to the podium. Sans quickly produces a paper and pen for you.

"PLEASE FILL OUT THIS FORM SO I CAN SUBMIT IT TO THE COUNSELING OFFICE!" You nod, eyeing the blue snowman bobble pen with mild amusement. As you're filling out the paper, two more students arrive.

The first, Undyne, who gives you a toothy grin and a thumbs up before plopping into the seat next to yours. The next student, however, was also a familiar face. In all of his lanky, orange hoodie glory, pops in the only other skeleton you've seen on campus. Well, you guess it makes sense that the skeletons know each other. This skeleton starts to walk towards the closest seat to the door, before eyeing you very suspiciously.

As you hand the paper and pen back to Sans, the other skeleton speaks up, "huh, what's a human like you doing here?" You...didn't appreciate his tone. Humans and monsters may not have always gotten along, but they've been coexisting (again) for a decade now. You guess some monsters haven't forgiven humans, which is understandable. Still, you put on a small smile and try to make peace.

"Well -"

"PAPYRUS! DON'T INTIMIDATE OUR NEWEST MEMBER!" Oh, so the other skeletons name is Papyrus? Interesting name. Then again, monsters have very different naming conventions from humans. Papyrus puts his hands up in defeat before reach into his pocket to pull out a sucker.

"sorry bro, s'just a question." Man, now you kind of feel bad.

You quickly come to Papyrus' defense, "It's all good, Sans! It's not really all that common to see humans in monster clubs, I guess." Papyrus gives you a puzzled look before shrugging. Was he really confused as to why you backed him up? Sans huffed, tapping the thick stack of papers against the podium.

"PLEASE DO NOT ENABLE MY BROTHER, HUMAN, HE'LL NEVER LEARN HIS LESSON THAT WAY." Ah, that makes sense now - they're brothers! Before you could say anything else, Sans speaks again, "ANYWAYS, NOW THAT EVERYONE IS HERE, WE CAN BEGIN THE CLUB MEETING!" He claps his hands together loudly, "WELCOME, TO THE SOCIALLY AWKWARD CLUB!"

...

The WHAT?!

You whip your head to the side to look at Undyne, who gives you a sheepish smile. You can't believe this, a socially awkward club? What does that even mean?!

Great, you're really in it now. Might as well see where this goes.

[six-of-ravens]

to do today (even though it's already 1pm whoops):

watch the LPN show recording

do some minor housework (mainly the dishes and cleaning up the living room table, it's gotten pretty gross and I just keep looking at it and going "eeeuuuuggghhhh" even though it'll take 30 seconds to wipe it down with a cloth)

maybe go for a walk (temperatures are supposed to plummet in the next 2 days so I might as well go out while it's not freezing), or else spend some time on the exercise bike

start The Starlit Wood

watch something spooky tonight, bc I feel like I've fallen off the Spooky Season bandwagon lately (disney+ has a bunch of the spooky movies I loved as a child, idk why I haven't watched them yet!)

try. try to find some way to make all the books fit on the shelves. because. they don't. whoops?

[eternitysoup]

Today, I did better at being active than I have in a while. One thing I remembered to do was charge my Fitbit, which I often forget to do. My goal is to avoid sitting for long periods of time, aiming for less than one hour at a time. Since I'm home most of the time, I believe this is achievable. I just need to walk around the townhome. (And be careful not to trip over one of my cats, lol.)

Despite feeling sore today, I pushed myself to move around and accomplish tasks. Tomorrow, I plan to work out again, focusing on my lower body instead of my upper body.

It's almost midnight now, I've just finished brushing my teeth. I finally restocked my mouthwash and have been using it. (I still need to remember to bring floss into the bathroom; it's something I keep forgetting.) I've also noticed that another part of my tooth feels strange, as if a piece has chipped off.

Unfortunately, it's towards the back of my bottom teeth, making it difficult to see any changes from the front. I worry that I might have waited too long to address my depression, and now my teeth may be beyond repair.

I still have all of my teeth, which I consider a blessing, even though they may not look the best. I hope to see a dentist this year, but I'm unsure if I should visit one before or after seeing an ob-gyn. Lately, my periods have been extremely difficult, accompanied by full-body sweats and vomiting. It's been quite challenging, and today, I even experienced some spotting, a week before my period is due to start.

Sex has also been very painful lately. It feels as though my body is sending me clear signals to have things checked out. I realize I haven't been to an ob-gyn since I had surgery on my cervix to remove cancer cells. I was supposed to go back for a follow-up appointment, but at the time, I was in an abusive relationship.

There's no excuse for not going in the last decade; my agoraphobic tendencies held me back. It's crucial for me to address my gynecological health and have my teeth examined. I also need to continue with my diet and exercise routine.

Besides all of my body's need, I must continue my spring cleaning efforts. I've asked my sister if she would buy me a vacuum from Amazon, and I'll pay her back next month. We need a vacuum specifically designed for carpets, as the small one we currently have doesn't work well for that. Hopefully, this is just a minor setback in my plan to make this townhome sparkle. I remain hopeful and committed to achieving my goals.

Anyway, it's time for me to head to bed. Wherever you are in the world, I wish you a good night. Just know that I'm rooting for you as well. Let's strive to accomplish great things during our time on this earth.

[becomingkatie]

I got a garmin watch last week - the Lily 2. I've had fitbits before and an apple watch at one point. I've enjoyed them, but always get a bad rash on my wrist from the silicone band. I did change out my fitbit band to nylon last time, and that was better but didn't wholly fix it. I went with one with a leather band this time. When I was in high school I had a watch with a leather band and I wore it all the time, literally until the band fell apart (I now know how to take better care of leather).

So far I'm liking it. My main goal with it was to prompt me to move more, and to move more throughout the day. I can't hit my step goal without going for a walk or doing some sort of intentional movement - it's just not going to accidentally happen, so I end up doing SOMEthing every day. It seems REALLY bad at getting my heart rate accurately during high-intensity workouts. Like, it thinks my heart rate maxed out at 120 during a peloton ride where I was fighting for my life. If I want accurate heart rate data during those, I wear a chest strap. The watch did see my heart rate get up above 100 when I was changing out Theo's litterbox - carrying a 40lb bag up the stairs, moving around trying to get the job done before I logged on for my first meeting of the day. It does seem to get my heart rate correct when I'm just sitting around, walking, or doing around-the-house cleaning/activities that raise it. I wonder if it would do better on a run or an outdoor bike ride than on a stationary bike ride? But again, I've got more reliable heart rate monitors for when I want accurate data during a workout. My goal with the watch was motivation, and so far it's providing it.

And it's so much cuter/more stylish than the fitbits or other trackers I've had in previous years. That's another reason I chose it. It looks like a beautiful watch I can wear with nice outfits, not like a fitness tracker. One of the Christmas cards we received was from a friend of Ken's - it was him and his wife, and he's holding their baby in the picture. His apple watch lit up with the rotation of his wrist, and you can see his stats in the picture. It cracked me up that they either didn't notice or didn't care.

Anyway, the garmin step goal increases automatically based on your activity levels. It's been increasing every day because I have been taking walks and making sure I hit my goal. Soon it's going to get out of hand and I'll have to turn off the auto-adjust goal feature.

[justwanttobesk1nny]

Ahahahaha to say I’ve binged this last couple of days is an understatement but the first day I burnt enough off for Fitbit to tell me I was still under my calorie goal by the end of the day but yesterday I was still over it even after a 4 hour walk just kill me now

I’m going out for drinks today aswell so I’m just gonna be drinking empty calories 😭 and I know full well drunk me will get a fat greasy pizza aswell to bring home the fat fuck and I’m going out for lunch with my best friend tomorrow so more fucking calories yayyyyy 🙃

Call my self @n0r3x!c absolutely not.

Long walk tomorrow night

And I already planned to do like a 20 mile walk on Tuesday anyway just to challenge myself while I’m on annual leave cause my normal everyday walk is just over 10 so… I just need to not fucking eat like I have been and everything should just ✨balance✨ itself.

I knew eating so much in December would bring me out of my honeymoon phase I’m struggling so much recently I can’t get back under control

Fml 😭😭😭

[nicistrying]

Thurs 4th May:

Had a much needed lie in and cup of tea in bed with Matthew this morning. Pretty much just got myself ready and went to work a little early to see sexy wagon driver as he had text me to say he had our wagon. When I got there he was offloading 5 big pallets on his own, unsupervised (not allowed) and said no one had come to check on him in like 20 mins (we're supposed to stay at the door or at least check back regularly in case the driver has an accident, as has happened recently at another store). So I had to help him bring them up into the cold room, 30 mins before my shift had even started bc they were too heavy for one person to manage up a ramp. Even he was like why the fuck are you doing this why are all your staff so lazy. I was like my dude, I got extra staff in this morning to cope with the backlash of yesterday's late delivery. Hate to tell you but both managers and 3 supervisors are all in the store right now and none of them are here checking up on the fucking delivery. Sooo we were pissed with everyone but then I made us cups of tea and got his favourite biscuits and I sat on his knee and played with his hair and we had a laugh. I had to work 2 departments bc my frozen buddy was ill so had to help him get through most of his delivery and THEN get through 4 big heavy pallets of ambient on my own which took me the rest of the night. And then just as I'm locking up I get a text from my driver saying he's on local drops tomorrow i.e. not here, a 3 hour drive away, and that our wagon will be late. Checked the store emails and sure enough, another fucking 4 hour late delivery tomorrow!!! So I'm absolutely dreading my 3rd late night in a row, second one this week dealing with our wagon being several hours late and having to rush round like a lunatic.

Anyway. This was my fitbit from Thursday. Doesn't seem much considering how busy I was but I had a lazy morning and usually I've done an extra 10k steps walking Maggie. Pray for me getting through today bc I am one pissed off girl 🥲✌️