#sexy wagon driver

[nicistrying]

Thank God the work week is over! I've had a good productive week and got loads done but I'm so looking forward to a full actual weekend off! And I have 3 days instead of 2 this week!! And I'm not even missing out on seeing my wagon driver bc I saw him today and he's off the same 3 days and we're both back to work Tuesday so I'll see him then 😍 I finally plucked up the courage to ask how old he is today and he's 52 and his son is only a couple of years younger than me 💀💀💀 I thought he didn't have kids but he's officially a dilf lol. My reaction was very much Marina 😂

Had our usual catch up, cup of tea, cuddle at the door and he blew me kisses and honked his horn as he drove away 😍 so that made today bearable.

Nothing much in terms of fitness this week, currently pretty sore from all the lifting at work. Plenty of steps too so I don't feel like I'm missing out too much. My niece and nephew are coming to stay tomorrow so that should be lovely and then I'm hoping to get at least one decent workout in Sunday or Monday. I've also made a conscious effort this week to eat better i.e. keeping my snacking in check at work, buying cereal bars instead of chocolate for said snacks, eating regular meals with plenty of veggies in to cut down on snacking so much and therefore sugar. And I must say I feel so much better physically and my skin is clearing up really well after a pretty bad couple of weeks of flare ups. The chocolate consumption was just getting out of hand 😂 anyway @marine-corps-strong tagged me for flex friday, this is a few weeks old bc it's 11pm and I'm currently on the couch in my blanket 😴😴

[bunny584]

OBSESSED: TOJI

A/N: You’re booked. Busy. Filled to the brim with board meetings. Then your car decides to stop functioning. There’s one mechanic shop open and somehow they seem to only hire God’s sweetest eye candy. One of which keeps getting stuck in the back of your throat. Uh—I mean—

S/N: Toji Mother-Fucking (literally) Fushiguro. Idk why it took me so long to feature this green-eyed monster but I am foaming at the mouth for this AU, him, and his lil vampy co-worker. Toji girlies, can’t WAIT to rush Toji Tau Sigma this fall 🙂‍↕️

C/W: ….he’s his own CW. Mature, 18+. MDNI. 

Art credit: yashaliart_01 on insta

Music: for the love of God if you don’t listen to Obsessed x Mariah Carey I’m calling the coast guard. Reader wants to pretend Toji is not her newest vice so BAD. Ive never laughed so hard and been so painfully turned on writing a piece. SOMEONE tell me not to make this a series RN.

“Can I get a little help here?”

Toji grabs the rag nestled in the back pocket of his heavy work cargos. Charcoal ink stains the fabric. 

Bugatti engines are such a bitch. And make a mess like one too. 

“Hello? Am I talking to a wall or..?”

And just like that, you’ve earned yourself a few more seconds of silence. 

The mechanic’s Evergreen gaze and satisfied smirk peer back at him in the mirror. Not even a second passes before you ensnare him in your fiery scrutiny. 

Ahh, yes. Just his type. 

You are mean. 

With a sexy fucking silhouette. An angry merlot painted on those beautiful, pouted lips. A fresh manicure and keys to your Benz dig into hips that have definitely stopped traffic. 

The mirror image isn’t enough of a bite. Toji needs a real taste, so he turns around to lock eyes with his new favorite unsatisfied customer. 

“Mornin, doll.” 

“Nice of you to grace me with your presence! I was starting to think no one worked here.” 

Melodramatic, the way you narrow your gaze to bring his name tag into focus. It’s hot, though. All this sarcasm and irritation. 

“—Toji? Is it?” You hiss venom. Clearly there’s a point you’re in a hurry to make. 

But..

it’s 7:13 AM on a lovely Monday morning.  Birds are singing. The Red Bull he just downed was particularly delicious. Life is good, right now. 

Toji has all the time in the world. 

He’s in no rush. Especially when a stunning, uptight, bratty little thing — sorry, career woman — like you woke up and chose him to be your personal punching bag. 

And he’s built to take hits. From fists much, much larger than yours, gorgeous.  

“Toji, it is. What can I do for you, darlin?” 

And he knew that sweet, innocent pet name would dump diesel fuel all over those pretty flames. 

You ramble off your full name as if he is going to use it. By the time he’s through with you, you won’t have any use for it either. 

His name, though. You’ll have plenty use for his name. 

“…and when the stupid thing turns on this morning, the dash light won’t turn off.” 

Toji lands on earth just in time to clasp the car keys shoved into his chest. You’re gawking at him. Expecting a fury of motion and urgency. Because your charming little fingers demand it. 

So accustomed to time stopping and starting on your watch, aren’t you? 

“You’re so pretty.” Toji responds with a shit eating grin. 

Just for the huffing and puffing you’re currently displaying. Sputtering about how unprofessional he is. And how much work you have to get done. 

Adorable. 

Toji slips past your disdain and makes his way to the front door. Matte black G-Wagon with a champagne interior. The vision of you behind the wheel, scowling at traffic, in your tailored dress and stilettos makes his cock twitch. 

“She’s a beauty.” He calls from the driver seat. 

“That’s why I bought it. Can you please pick up the pace a little?”

Both arms are folded across your chest, eyes rolling at his wasted breath stating the obvious. 

You’re going to look phenomenal when he has those defiant arms pinned above your head. He’ll diminish those daggers in your eyes to tears. And make those puffy lips whimper for mercy. 

Toji will have you begging him to pick up the pace in no time. Your snarky comment was just a test run. 

The mechanic lets out a low chuckle, his eyes scan the dash for the source of your apparent distress. 

The tire pressure gauge. 

Really, gorgeous? This is why you’re screwed so tightly this morning? 

It should take approximately 3 minutes to fix. But there’s no way Toji is letting you slip away from his skilled fingers so easily. Not when you need to be unwound.

Unraveled bit by bit until you’re a warm, sweet, puddle of manners and gratitude. 

“Alright, babydoll—“

“My name is—“

“I’ll have my guys get to workin on it, sweetheart.” 

He can play this game all day. You scoff. Temporarily placated by his promise of a fix. 

“It’s an all day job, though.” Toji’s right hand man comes into view. 

The only other guy in the shop (on the planet) to get as much play as he does without meaning to. 

Women are insane about his stupid, empty-headed, love-drunk stare. And the purple rings around his eyes like the last time he got sleep was in his mother’s womb. Always giggling and asking about “the hot one with the pigtails” and “the pretty one with the tattoo on his nose.”

If he were a less confident man, Toji would’ve called someone else over. But the kid gets his antics. 

And today is going to be stuffed with them. 

“Choso! Can you take this beauty to the back for repair?” 

Dracula’s first born is sporting his hair down today. Already a bit damp from work. He gives you a once over, then offers a smile that evaporates underwear off of women. 

“Happy to. Which beauty am I taking to the back?”

“Ha, quit your lover boy shit.” Toji teases, and you sneer at his hypocrisy. 

“The car, big guy. Have it ready by 5:00, yeah?”

“5:00 pm?” You do a thing with your hands eventually landing on your hips. And Toji’s dick leaks like a virgin. 

“Well, there must be a courtesy rental. My first meeting starts in an hour.”

“I’m so sorry, miss. We don’t have that.” 

Kamo, you slick fuck. 

Choso apologizes with his signature puppy-eyes and half open mouth. Even you, made of sharp words and soft curves. Goddess of Fire and Ice, you melt under his gaze. 

Toji snickers to himself, while you stutter to a shockingly patient understanding. 

Something about the boy looking half asleep and like he can’t string letters together to spell his own name always does the trick. Leaving you wide open for the kill. 

“Tell you what, sweetheart.” Toji moves in with an assassin’s expertise. 

“Consider me your courtesy rental.”

“I’m sorry—what?” You flicker between the two smiles, rightfully suspicious. 

“I’ll get you from point A to point B, safe and sound.” The mechanic offers again with a broad smile, dangling his own car keys in his hand. 

Pensive eyes drop down to your watch. Board meetings start soon and he is offering a courtesy ride. 

“Fine.” Finally, a little submission. 

“It’s a 10 minute drive. The high rise on the corner of Koen and Mitake street.” 

The financial district. No wonder why you’re so tightly wound. 

“I know exactly, where we are going.” Toji beams. Beating your slender fingers to the passenger door. You barely mutter a ‘thanks’ before settling into the seat. 

You in your heels. And suit jacket. And handbag that costs enough to feed a large family for 6 months. Nestled so perfectly into his passenger seat. Toji can’t help but acknowledge how hard his dick is right now. 

The career woman clearly doesn’t approve of how fast he is hurling down corner streets. But you should understand, no? Places to be, and all that jazz?

“Uh, I’m sorry, where exactly are you taking me?” You perk up. Darting those beautiful warm eyes at the very short building in front of you. 

Not the corner of Koen and Mitake street, but Toji’s favorite coffee shop about 3 blocks over. The only place in the city that can get an Americano right - La Parisian. 

Toji grins maniacally. Pulling his sports car into a front row spot. 

“Point A, darlin.”

“Look, I don’t know what kind of game you are playing but I swear—“

“C’monnn. Lighten up.” He turns to face your incredulous expression. You wear it well, by the way.

“People stand when you walk in a room.” He continues. “They’ll still stand if you’re 5 minutes late and properly caffeinated.” 

Silence. Two huffs. A bitten lower lip. And one long, drawn out sigh.

“Fine. 5 minutes, max. Then I’ve got to get going I have—“

“Meetings baby, I know.” Toji finishes you off. 

He steps out of the driver’s seat fast enough to be at your door before your fingers touch the handle. 

The two of you walk in stride (in Toji’s mind) to the cafe. It’s adorable how you beeline towards the pastry display. Salivating over the various treats. Doing the thing women do, badgering the person manning the register about nutritional details. 

As if your figure wouldn’t make any living red-blooded human being fall to their knees. 

“What can I get started for you?” The barista probes. 

“I’ll have a soy London Fog latte, please.” You flicker over to the dessert you think you’re leaving behind. 

“And?” Toji probes. He taps the glass in front of the vanilla macaroon.

Another crack in the shield. You flash him a genuine smile for 0.04 seconds before turning back to the register.

“…and a vanilla macaroon, please.” You’re cute when you’re sheepish. 

“And I’ll have the largest iced Americano you can make, thanks.” 

Toji closes out the transaction and you two mosey over to a small table by a window. Your shoulders relax with the first sip of coffee. 

A satisfied grin tugs on your chauffeur’s lips. He knew what you needed the second he laid eyes on you. 

Much to your chagrin, and Toji’s delight — conversation flows like a bottomless well between you. The second something warm and another thing sweet landed on your tongue — the shield crumbled down. 

You’re an account executive. 

You work 80+ hour weeks. 

Live in an uppity neighborhood with a Doberman named Rocky. You got him because you like walking around at night to clear your mind. Having a dog taller than you on its hind legs and probably twice your size has eased your anxiety about that. 

You have a mean sweet tooth. 

And you’re single. Have been for the last year or so. 

“And not looking to change that anytime soon.” You reiterate, tossing him a look. 

Toji holds his hands up in feigned defeat. “I wasn’t plannin’ on it, sweetheart.” 

You’ve warmed up to his pet names, albeit against your will. But you’re there. The both of you harmonize light-hearted laughter. Fitting together like missing puzzle pieces.

“Your eyes are so green.” 

A rather obvious observation of your own, after a few moments of comfortable silence. 

As if your eyes don’t bend time. 

Toji catches his breath before responding. 

“They are…your kids could have ‘em too, if you want.” 

You burst into another fit of giggles. Unknowingly driveling rogue pastry on your chin. Babbling on and on about how ridiculous he is. And how cheesy his pick up lines are.

Meanwhile, you’re sitting there all high powered and intelligent. With a smile that makes him want to be a better man than he is. 

…and pastry all over your chin. 

Yeah. 

He’s going to marry you one day. 

Toji reaches over and swipes the macaroon off your chin. A sharp gasp tumbles from your lips, staring at his fingers. Which Toji slips into his mouth. 

He’s a betting man and would put money down on the fact that the dessert tastes exponentially better off of your skin. 

“Toji!!” 

“What else can I do for you?” Each word more smug than the last. 

“You could’ve told me I had food on my face!” Bunny lines along your nose deepen when you frown and Toji’s cock throbs to life. 

“Why?” The mechanic shrugs. “I wanted to lick it off instead.” 

The choppy inhale is music to Toji’s ears. You avoid him. Like the plague. Peeling your gaze away and planting it on the side window. Under the guise of people watching. 

But Toji knows better. 

He doesn’t miss the way you struggle to swallow your last bite. Or your thighs coming together so aggressively beneath the small table, rip tides break the surface of his Americano. 

“I felt that, baby.” Toji leans in. Shameless about the way he scans your face. 

Your lips should be outlawed.

The bottom one is marginally fuller than the top, so it naturally hangs a bit open. Inviting the most vile thoughts from his cock. Toji’s rational mind went to sleep the second you climbed into his passenger seat, princess. 

“What?” You sputter, gulping down the rest of your U.K. cloudy cappuccino, or whatever. 

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” Your voice is steady, but the fidgeting and cagey eye contact hold the truth. 

Oh, really? 

“You’re squirming in your seat.” Toji counters, unblinking. Filling as much of your personal space as he can without tipping over. 

“Quick to cross your legs—“

“Toji!” 

Is your underwear as sticky as your face is flushed? Saliva pools in one direction, warm pre-cum pools in the other. 

“You are so out of—“

“All that talkin’ and you haven’t denied it once, doll.”

Toji’s palm digs into his crotch underneath the table. You are fucking his brain smooth with the raspberry blush along your nose and high cheeks. Sure, the sarcasm and ball-busting is hot, but this? 

The Career Woman suddenly so flustered and shy? 

You’re already thawed out. All he needs to do is dive in. 

Toji blinks back to reality when you rocket up from the table at warped speed. Your fingers clumsily fondle the zipper of your purse. 

“Excuse me for a minute.” You’re halfway to the restroom stalls by the end of your sentence.

The mechanic lasers down to the serpentine curve of your hips. Your plump, perky ass is just begging to be handled. It’s a felony, the way your work dress hugs your body. 

Is he really going to do this?

Heat slams into his groin. Wave after wave of lust slowly chipping at his teetering self-control. 

You might slap him. 

Call him a goddamn pervert. 

…and just the thought of either of those things makes his dick beat against his zipper. 

Fuck it. 

Toji is slick, how he maneuvers his way over to the restrooms. Both single-use stalls occupied, he walks up to you muttering some kind of pep talk to yourself. 

“Get your shit together.” You spit out. 

Amused, Toji leans against the wall behind you. Curious about where this cute little speech is going to go. 

“He’s a rando you met at a mechanic shop. For fuck sake, are you that horny?”

“Sounds like it, baby.” Toji takes the liberty to answer. You whip your head around and crawl out of your skin. 

Eyes wider than a newborn kitten. Mouth gaping as if you’re trying to show off how much you can handle. Toji swallows a groan. He can’t lose control. Not a chance. He has to savor his first taste of you like this. And every taste after that. 

Because, the weather in Hell is a balmy 0 degrees Fahrenheit and you are his, now. 

“I—uh, I—“ Your eyes dart over to the poor soul opening the bathroom door in slow motion. 

You think you’ve found an out, gorgeous?

Toji is faster and bigger than you are. Gripping the handle of the open door, ushering you into his new lair. Still choking on the shock of him catching your admission, you look to your left and right before diving into the empty bathroom. 

“Toji I…” 

Your back hits the wall and eyes settle on your hands. Shifty and nervous. Toji palms himself at the sight of you caged in like this. 

He’s disgusting, he knows that. 

And normally, he would ask permission. Being a gentleman and all. 

But there’s something too alluring about the way you’re trembling right now. The obvious conflict written all over your face, and heaving chest…and tense thighs…

His cock can’t take another second. 

And apparently neither can you. 

Because the second his fingers cup the back of your neck and his breath grazes your mouth you crash into him. Slotting your puffy lips into his, taking him by surprise for a millisecond. 

“Oh, T-toji.” You whine into his mouth. Grasping at his shoulders that are far too wide, far too muscular for your dainty grip.

Fucking, christ. 

Hearing his name like that. 

The gorgeous, high-pitched, pathetic plea trails down his ears to his aching sex and jerks it. If his cargos were any lighter you would’ve seen the pre-pubescent mess he’s making in his pants right now. 

But they aren’t. And you don’t. 

You mewl at how Toji nips at your bottom lip. Sinking it underneath his teeth until its swells to his liking. Melting beneath his large grasp, currently riding the dizzying lines of your hips and ass. 

“You taste fucking good, baby.” Toji mumbles into your warm cavern. Licking along the warm, soft ridges. 

“Ah-T..god.” You pull away and dive into his neck. Attempting to hide your utterly fucked out daze, but he won’t let you. 

Toji palms your ass with a tenth of his strength. You yelp and jump into his arms. He takes advantage of the momentum and lifts you high on his waist. Temporarily forcing you to look down on him.

Glassy eyed. Kiss abused lips. Panting and heaving. Cupping his face like your hands were made to. 

And something tight clenches in Toji’s chest. It takes a moment for him to shake it off, but it existed.

He’ll revisit that later.

“You look good up there, babydoll.” He pants, before setting you down on the sink ledge. He catches your chin in his hand before you turn away. Rooting you in place. 

“I…Toji.” 

Moaning his name like you’re begging for him to start and stop all at once. 

Your eyes descend to his lips. Watching the smirk blossoming across his face. Distracted enough not to notice his free hand shove up your dress in one swift motion. 

Your thighs recognize his authority and melt wide open for him. He kisses your tiny whimpers while nestling between them. 

“Mmmgh g-god please.” 

“This why you were so bratty this mornin baby?” 

Toji’s index and long fingers stroke your soaked, clothed core. Thin lace panties plastered to your warm sex. You wind your hips into his fingers. Batting your eyelashes up at him as if he’s going to give you what you want so easily.

He hovers his lips over yours. Pulling away each time you lunge forward for a kiss. Pouty and frustrated, you dig your nails into his neck and grind along his stationary fingers. 

“T-Toji, please…I’m so..ahh.”

“Needy cunt just wanted some attention, mm?” 

His fingers slip past your opening, and you offer up a soprano moan that shatters to stardust. 

Hedonistic noises fill the spaces between both of your punched out gasps. You’re fucking tight. Gummy, slick walls clamp down around his knuckles when he curves up to pet your pleasure spot. 

The steel pipe between his legs throbs against his thigh. Demanding friction. But one hand is cupping your chin and the other is so pussy drunk an army couldn’t pry his fingers away. 

“T..I—I’m oh fuck I—“

Toji bites down on your bottom lip. And you clench around him. Gushing more of your sweet arousal into his palm. And he damn near laps it up with his greedy tongue. 

“Shhh baby,” he coos against your jaw. 

“Can’t have everyone hearing the Executive getting fucked open by some mechanic’s hands can you?” 

There is a delicious irony in you treating him like a punching bag no more than an hour ago and now bucking your hips on his fingers, chasing an ever elusive high.

Sandpaper lines Toji’s throat. 

He wants nothing more than to bounce you on his cock in this bathroom. Fill you up with his cum and send you to your meetings full of him. 

But you haven’t learned your lesson yet.

“What did I promise baby?” Toji strains in your ear. His hand migrates from your chin to your neck, while his fingers ‘pick up the pace a little.’

His pretty little powerhouse. 

You babble a chorus of nothing. Unable to breathe, unable to think. Only drip. And leak. And squelch around his digits. Toji tightens the grip around your pulse point. Lulling your mouth open.  

“Talk to me, princess. What did I promise you?” He probes again, stealing air from your lungs. 

Tha—y-you would…p—point A.” Barely audible syllables tumble out of you. Ascending in pitch. Your hips reflexively try to pull away from your threatened orgasm.

“Keep going, I’m listenin.” 

“Oh fuck T..Toji?! I-Im c-im gonna—”

“I know, baby.” He smears wet kisses along your jawline. “ I can hear how messy your precious little pussy is. But I didn’t give you permission to stop. Keep going.”

Your walls spasm at his command. Followed by an angelic pitiful little whine. You’re close. So close. 

“P-P-point A to—“

“Point B.” 

Toji finishes your sentence as you reach nirvana. Full body convulsions. He slots his arms around the small of your waist. And it fits like it was molded for him. Like you were sculpted for him.

And he, for you.

The mechanic burns his gaze into your skin. Riding each choppy wave of your ecstasy. Such tiny, sexy sounds. Staccato breaths fanning his lips, his chin, his neck when you try to hide from his scrutiny. 

You are a goddamn dream. 

And his future wife.

Toji guessed it when the macaroon balanced on your chin for a full 30 seconds before he swiped it away and you accused him of defamation of character. 

But now? 

Watching you saddle this stallion of an orgasm. Clawing at his back with all the desperation of a pretty little damsel in distress. 

Distress at just his fingers, alone. 

What intoxicating melody will he unlock when he laps up the honey straight from your core? How will you gasp and moan and squirm when he single-handedly re-shapes your cunt to accommodate his size? 

He has no clue. 

But Toji will spend forever figuring you out. And mastering you.

The back of your neck fits beautifully into his grasp as he coaxes you from hiding. Pupils blown out. Cheeks flushed and warm. Tendrils matted along your forehead. Before he can speak, you beat him to the punch.

Of course you do. 

“I’ve decided,” You pant. The baseline spice returning to your grin. 

“That you might just be obsessed with me, Toji.” 

Both of you share a hushed laugh. Exchanging cotton candy breaths. But then his lips accidentally brush yours and Toji can’t help but dive in for a kiss. Fucking the warm cavern of your mouth with his tongue. 

You pull away before he’s ready, with a look on your face that makes him feel like a God. 

“I might be.” Toji whispers, partially against his will. His lips find the corner of your mouth. Careful to avoid falling victim to your pout again.

“Let’s get you to the other point B, baby.” 

The car ride to your office could make anyone queasy. 

Constant banter back and forth. Full bodied laughs. You mindlessly stroking his forearm with those angelic fingers riling his cock up as if it just now discovered women. 

You let out a small sigh, with slightly dropped shoulders when your office building comes into view. Toji doesn’t know how to interpret it. But for him? Reality is coming too quickly.

“So,” You start once the both of you are out of the car. Pretty face tilting up and Toji’s dick strains against its confines.

“What do I owe you, Mr. Fushiguro?” 

The way you say his name.

It takes the will of God for Toji to bite back his original response.

“Nothin, doll.” He’s wearing the same, dumb, love-struck face Choso wears on a daily basis. Shockingly, Toji couldn’t care less. 

“The tires just needed air. Choso will drop it off in an hour.” 

He would do it himself. But the urge to park in an empty lot and abuse the fuck out of his cock until a shred of clarity re-settles in his mind is a tad bit overwhelming, sweetheart.

Then your mouth drops in an incredulous ‘Oh’ and all Toji can picture is ruining the back of your throat. How pretty you are going to be wretching around his girth. Gasping for air. Choking on his cum. 

“Toji. Fushiguro.” You like using his name, don’t you?

“You held me hostage for a whole morning for some air—“

Toji kisses the rest of your complaints off your tongue. And you whine. Slot open for him with no resistance. Because under all that irritation and sarcasm, buried within the Trojan Horse, lays your supple, delectable submission. 

And he will take every opportunity to taste it. 

“I had a great time on our first date, babydoll.” Toji rasps against your swollen lips. 

The raging erection is threatening to embarrass him. There’s not enough restraint in the world to be around you any longer. Toji nestles your voice in his back pocket. The two of you watch each other with wordless, taken aback smiles as he takes slow steps toward his sports car.

Before the mechanic sinks into the driver’s seat, he makes a promise.

“Can’t wait for our second date, Mrs. Fushiguro!”

[rabbitcruiser]

Go For a Ride Day

Go For a Ride Day, celebrated on November 22, urges you to just get up and get out! Do you ever feel like you’re tied to your laptop/phone/tablet screens? We’ve become a pretty sedentary bunch — a far cry from the people who discovered countries, oceans, and animals simply by getting off the couch and exploring.  Make today a day to set your spirit free and enjoy your wanderlust on whatever mode of transportation suits you best. Bike, boat, car, skateboard, sleigh—it doesn’t matter what you choose! Pick a location you’ve always wanted to visit and make today the day you’ll go.  

History of Go For A Ride Day

Birthdays are fun and Christmas means presents (if you’re lucky), but nothing quite compares with the magical day you get your driver’s license. That’s when your world truly changes forever. Why? Cars mean freedom. You can suddenly go anywhere at anytime (as long as your parents are cool with your plans). Such is the nature of transportation — something we in the 21st century take for granted. We all grew up with planes, trains and automobiles — so we’re quite used to getting where we need to go.

But it wasn’t always that way. When President Jefferson asked Lewis (and, eventually, Clark) to explore the American West in 1804, there were no nonstop flights from St. Louis to the Oregon coast. As the History Channel describes it: “The excursion lasted over two years.   Along the way they confronted harsh weather, unforgiving terrain, treacherous waters, injuries, starvation, disease and both friendly and hostile Native Americans. Nevertheless, the approximately 8,000-mile journey was deemed a huge success and provided new geographic, ecological and social information about previously uncharted areas of North America.”

And today we complain about trying to squeeze our carry-ons into the overhead bin.

Americans have always loved to “go for a ride” — with whatever mode of transportation existed. Horses. Boats. Bicycles. And of course, the ubiquitous car. The nation had a long love affair with automobiles starting in the mid 20th century and lasting until recently — as a new generation of car buyers, born after the car craze, loses interest in design — focusing instead on practicality. Stellar gas mileage makes Priuses as sexy as Porsches. Well, almost.

Go For A Ride Day timeline

1950s Car culture

Cars inspired new businesses like drive-through restaurants and drive-in movie theaters, and employed one in six working Americans.

1956 Interstate highways

President Eisenhower authorizes $25 billion for the construction of 41,000 miles of the Interstate Highway System.

1964 ‘Pony car’

Ford introduces the sporty and powerful Mustang — the automaker's most successful launch since the Model A.

2019 Driverless cars get smarter

MIT engineers develop a system to help autonomous cars determine if there’s a moving object coming around the corner.

Go For A Ride Day FAQs

What does Go For A Ride Day celebrate?

Go For a Ride Day 2019 encourages us to get out in the world, as opposed to seeing it on a screen. Any mode of transportation will do on this day. What was America’s first car company?

Brothers Charles and Frank Duryea founded the Duryea Motor Wagon Company in 1893, becoming the first American automobile manufacturing company.  What happened to supersonic jet travel?

The Concorde, which flew faster than the speed of sound, never turned a profit. When the plane broke the sound barrier (about 760 mph), it created shock waves that would hit the ground with a loud and sudden sonic “boom.” The FAA eventually banned all commercial aircraft from flying at supersonic speeds over land.

Go For A Ride Day Activities

Make it fun

Make it easy

Make it memorable

Dare yourself to try something new and adventurous. Why not try a mode of transportation you’ve never used before? Suggestions include jet skiing, parasailing, or going on a hot air balloon ride. In colder climates you could try a sleigh ride, or a horse drawn carriage.

Maybe you weren’t born to be wild, but don’t let that stop you from joining in the fun. Play tourist in your own city or neighborhood. Use public transit and see the sights like visitor.

Exploring is an adventure, but it can be even more fun if you have someone to share it with. Bring along an adventurous friend or family member to help make some memories. If your local friends are sticks in the mud, then bring your more adventurous friends along virtually by posting your adventure to Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

Why We Love Go For A Ride Day

It’s an escape from reality

It can be great exercise

It helps us be spontaneous

Every now and then we just need something to break up the status quo and make us feel alive! Go For A Ride Day exists for that very reason. It can be hard to get motivated to see new places or even try new foods, but Go For A Ride Day provides the momentum.

You can try skateboarding or using a scooter. How about getting out your helmet and going for a long bike ride? Did you know you can burn over 400 calories an hour horseback riding?

Our lives tend to run to the predictable, and for the most part, that predictability helps the world go round. But we all still have a small streak of rebellion, and that's what Go For a Ride Day helps bring out.

Source

[odditycircus-2002]

Jeeper Creepers: Unexpected Turn of Events Chapter 1

CRAZY DRIVER

The weather cannot predict how the day may go. Sure, a lovely spring day with light breezes, the endless emerald pastures, and the clear blue sky dotted with ravens croaking their calls could be a herring for a bountiful or peaceful day. As a young caucasian college student, with the name Darius Jenner or Darry, with short brown hair and matching, eyes drove down the seemingly infinite road in his sister's, Patricia Jenner or Trish, car thought the weather means a pretty okay day. Said sister right next to him on the passenger's side, gazing out ahead of them with her mind occupied abput her regular life, not thinking of any of the dangers ahead. 

Then again, how could she have known? It seemed like another regular Spring Break and another regular trip to their parents' house like for the past few years. How could either sibling know that was all to end this year? To know about the horrors that lies ahead

"Just turn 15, you were a senior. You took me out to mom's old station wagon, The Dragon wagon, to teach me how to drive. But there was that one tree."

Darry recalls to his sister to pass the time, laughing at the memory. Trisha continues to stare ahead at the road, her eyes focusing on a stop sign ahead. 

"There was a guy banging the car while we were in the building."

Trish recalls. Darry gives a short chuckle before he continues.

"That's right. You actually lied for me."

Trish rolls her eyes, wonder, not for the first time, is she really related to this goober? Yet, Darry could see right through his sister's denial.

"No no come one, you lied for both of us. You actually did something decent for me, that's a part of history you can't change."

Darry concludes as he drives past a stop sign which Trisha notices as she glances back.

"That was a stop sign."

She points out to which Darry just shrugs off as he glances at his sister, incredulously.

"You're kidding right?"

"In your car, I'd be kidding."

She answers sarcastically as she glances at her brother to show her commitment to her statement.

" On this road? I haven't seen a car in fifty miles."

Darry answers back. They continue to drive at an average speed for cars on highways until Darry spots an RV. Feeling the familiar rush of sibling competitiveness, Darry speeds up to the RV, seeing no danger of it given the mostly vacant road.

"Come on Darry."

Trish warns in a half tired tone. She again had to ask herself, how did he remain alive for all these years, again? She already knew the answer, but it doesn't quite take away the annoyance that comes with her brother's antics. They drive up behind the RV to where they can see the vanity license plate that read,

"6A4EVR".

"Gay- Gay fever, no Gay forever! Gay forever! Ha! that's mine. That's 3 for little bro"

Darry claims in victory as they drive just a bit closer to the RV, seeing what he thought was a G, was actually a 6. Darry frowns dramatically at this which causes his sister to give a slight chuckle at his state, which only increases his frown.

"That's a 6, not a G you idiot. That's Sexy forever, that's mine and that's 5 to 2."

"Sh*t."

Darry mumbles disappointingly. Trish then glances over at Darry with a raised brow.

"Gay fever?"

Trish asks her brother incredulously. She just huffs in amusement, when they drove up to the driver's window to see an elderly couple, who didn't look too amused.

"Oh."

Darry utters out in realization, yet his tune changes after the elderly couple turn a corner and they drive past them.

" Sexy forever huh?"

Darry teases with a grin at his unamused sister.

"You know that's you in 40 years."

Trish deadpans to her brother, as she then proceeds to gnaw on a part of her reading glasses as neither had anything left to say, for now. They drive in silence for a good long moment, with their friend in the back snoozing away being the only sounds besides the road.

" You know there's usually a reason when you like the long way home." 

Darry starts, not wanting to beat around the bush and get straight to it. Better to rip the band-aid off, just as his sister would tell him. However, in this case, it would appear that Trish didn't want to hear it.

"Gee like, maybe I like the country?"

She retorts, turning her head to her brother with no trace of humor on her expression.

"Ok"

Darry replies, disbelief being definite in his tone.

' Geez, hypocrite much, sis? '

Darry thought to himself in irritation but decides in the end that he wasn't going to drop it.

"Just drive brat."

Trisha commands Darry, who persists with his questioning.

" Hey, I'm only thinking the same thing mom and dad are going to be thinking, "Trisha, why are you driving home for spring break with your brat brother, and not heading off somewhere with that nice Mr. Poly-side-track-team guy?"

Trisha rolls her eyes at Darry's "mom" voice and sighs. 

" I will tell them the exact same thing as I'll tell you, none of your Goddamn business."

Trisha again repeats, frustrated at her brother's insistence. Why can't he just let her keep her own damn life private? He's the baby, not her. 

" Better not let mama hen back there hear you." 

Darry teasingly warns, referring to the woman in the back with her luggage as well as the siblings'. She's a 6'1; olive skin; long messy caramel hair that goes past her waist slightly: full lips; a curvy figure; wearing converse, a teal bandanna, and a black baggie hoodie. This is Corbin: she is traveling with her close friends for the break since well, she's got nothing else to do or family to visit, at least that's what she told them.

"Oh please, she's knocked out like a light, something about late-night errands, and it goes the same for mama hen there, it's none of her business"

Indeed she was sleeping on the window, eyes shut with on hand on her cheek. Her long hair a mess from it rubbing against the door with some drool gathering at the corner of her mouth, signaling how truly asleep and dead she is to the world, currently.

"Oh you think Corbin and I can't understand the complex nature of your relationships?"

"No, I look at you two as real experts."

Trish replies back. She sometimes had to ponder in the depths of her mind, why would she tell her immature brother? How would he understand, when he never takes anything seriously? Corbin would be a no go too, knowing she'll pry even more insistently than Darry. Then maybe go kick whatever perpetrator there is where the sun doesn't shine. Darry just scoffs, trying to play it off.

" Heh, whatever, whatever I don't care."

Trisha then leans up to tune on the radio only to get crazy rambles, farmer reports, and about a lizard-headed demon. Annoyed with nothing decent is on, Trish gives up and shuts off the radio. Although, it's starting to sound

" Just saying that you should break it off with him, you should at least figure it out what you're going to tell Mom and Dad. They're the ones in love with the guy, or do I need to sick Mama Hen on the guy? Mmmhh? "

There was a silent pause, as Trish decides to just keep searching through different stations. Corbin not stirring at all from the back which Trish hopes would be the case for the rest of the trip.

"You wanted the back way home. That's 10 hours of preachers, farm reports..."

"Can you possibly just shut up and drive, please!"

Trish snaps. Ok, so sister is pissed, what do? Humor, the best way to go about this situation from what Darry knows. Darry then starts to sing, with a teasing smile.

"You broke my heart in two,

Now I can't find the duct tape

to put it together for you,

Come on, girl sing along now"

Darry says to his sister, oblivious to the large truck creeping behind them as he focused on the road ahead, ticking off his sister with every verse of his improvised song.

"When I met you, I thought I would die

I wanted to cry

Didn't know you were evil

or that you would hurt me

Mr. Poli-Sci-Track-Team guy,

Turns out your a twit and a real-"

HONK HONK!!!

"TAKE COVER GERRY! "

Corbin shouts in utter surprise, practically jumping out of her seat which results in her bumping her head on the ceiling turning her head in the Jenner siblings' view, to a large rusty looking truck that being driven as if it were by a crazy driver.

" What the hell is his problem?!?"

Darry cries out fearfully in his high-pitched voice that, as Corbin pointed out, happens whenever he's scared.

" Just get out of his way Darry!"

Trish demands in a panic, as the trunk honks it's horn again, still not making up its mind as it tries to ram them off the road.

"Mes Couilles Sur ton front!"

Corbin swears frantically.

( ? POV )

The smell of fear, so invigorating and addicting I just can't get enough of it. What's this? Ahhh, this scent is new, though I've only had a faint wisp of it once, I can still recognize it for it still sends a pleasurable shiver down my spine. Sharp yet sweet, with a smokey tinge to it, but now I hunger for it in a different way from food. Desire is a more appropriate word, maybe even more than my regular hunger.

I may have finally found my mate.

(Now back to the terrified Jenner Siblings and an angry Corbin)

" Let him pass you Darry! Darry what are you doing?"

"Peau de fesses!"

Trish shouts in a panicked frenzy, as Corbin continues to spit out every insult she knows in her motherland's tongue.

"Go around me!"

Darry begs as he frantically signals the driver to move around him, but this driver continues to act like a maniac ready to most likely run them all over, still honking its loud horn.

"Get off the road and let him pass you!"

Trish shouts at Darry from her own panic rising within her. Darry looks behind his shoulder with wide eyes and teeth clenched, contrasting to Corbin's " I'm so done with this" face.

" He's nuts!"

"I know he's nuts, now pull over!"

Trish demands her brother. The truck's tires squeal as the driver once again honks its horn. Darry then once again signals with his hand frantically, hoping the driver could get the message. Yet, he suspects that with those tinted windows, the guy can't see sh*t through them.

" GO around me!"

"Slow down and let him f@#$%ing pass you!"

"Caca Boudin!"

" I'm trying!"

Darry shouts to his sister, as Corbin continues to swear. Finally, the crazy driver passes them, giving them a good look at its vanity license plate that says, BEATINGU.

"Jesus."

Trish exclaims almost breathlessly, her ears pounding from the rush of blood going through her veins.

"Sh*t"

Darry breathes out, his heart still pounding against his ribcage.

" What the hell is his problem?"

Corbin shouts, knowing she wouldn't get any answers but needing to speak her frustrations out anyway.

"My guess,"

Darry then sticks his head out the open side window, and shouts in the wind to the now distant driver,

"INBREEDING!!!"

They watch for a bit as the truck gets smaller and smaller, finally disappearing from view. Corbin just facepalms at Darry's remark, shaking her head. Oh, she loves the knucklehead, but why is he so idiotic? She just knows one day it's going to get him killed.

" Get a load of that nasty old thing. What is that? The vehicle of choice for assholes and f*cking serial killers?"

Darry asks rhetorically, his knuckles going white from how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel.

" Everyone ok?"

Corbin asks with concern in her green eyes.

"Yeah."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just had the piss scared out of me, but otherwise just fine."

Darry comments which had Corbin having to hold in a smile and chuckle. She then elects to look at forward ahead of them, her eyes glued to where the manic driver went off to. She lets out a huff through her nose as she leans back against the window.  Silence took over for a brief time until Trish is the first to break the silence.

"Yeah, hey you know what I just thought of?"

Darry gives a knowing look as he briefly glances at his sister.

" Kenny and Darla? Trish, they died about a 100 miles from here"

"It's the same highway."

' Poor Kenny and Darla. '

Corbin tells herself as she recalls the news of their prom night. They were just heading home from the night of their lives when apparently their car smashed with the roof ripped open with their bodies nowhere in sight. She could still recall seeing the image of their wrecked car smoldering at the side of the road with glass everywhere. Who could've done that? 

"No no, they never found her head."

Corbin says butting in in the sibling's conversation. Darry nods his head glancing at Corbin.

"They found the car. Didn't find him or her head."

Corbin then takes Trisha's hand into her own.

"Goodness, you're still shaking Trisha."

Corbin gently told Trisha and then hands her a bottle of ice tea as Darry continues.

"You don't think every generation has their cautionary tale, of drinking and driving on prom night?"

Trisha shakes her head no, unscrewing the bottle of ice tea to take a huge swig out of it.

"I always heard it was true. Wheaton Valley High, class of '78."

She takes another gulp of the drink, a dry chuckle coming from her.

"Heh, want to know something?"

Corbin nods and Darry hums to signal that he's listening.

"When I first heard that story... I used to think this was the highway I would die on."

Silence is what filled the car for a brief moment until Corbin comments,

" Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine?"

Corbin replies with a deadpan expression before giving a teasing grin, knowing not to take her pedantic moments to seriously. She just had to make friends with a drama queen, huh?

"I agree, quite the cheery think today, aren't we sis?"

Darry asks rhetorically before giving a small chuckle.

"What? What's Poli-Sci-Guy been doing to you anyway?"

A snarl forms on Corbin's facial features as her blood starts to boil.

" I don't like that guy's vibe, just something up with him."

Corbin retorts, her tone going down an octave as she claws at the back of their seats. Trisha looks back at her friend, raising at her attitude and feeling some annoyance bubbling inside of her. But before she could tell Corbin off, her brother spoke to her once more.

" Beating you? "

Darry says which in turn made Trisha and Corbin turn their heads to him in confusion.

" There was a license plate on the van we just saw, B-E-A-T-N-G-U. So beating you."

Darry cries out in victory.

"That's mine. That's 3 to 5!

"You can't call it now."

Trisha counters, smiling to herself.

"My ass!"

Darry complains. Corbin just lays her head on the back of Trisha's seat.

" Sacre bleu, you guys get over it!" 

Corbin complains exasperated by the bickering about the sibling's game but had a slight grin to her face in amusement. It's so cute to see them acting like little children, showing just how close and annoying they are. Just like with her own sister.

"No cause, You have to call it when you see it."

Trisha explains to Corbin. 

" I was in shock!"

"Does it really matter?"

Darry insists, as Corbin just rolls her eyes and leans back to her seat, unbeknownst to them, she was holding a hand over her mouth to hold in her chuckles at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Tough!"

Trisha argues back.

(Corbin's POV)

The bickering went on for a while as they both exchange insults like middle school children, arguing over the rules of their game. Just like the day, I met them. And now they're arguing over license plates, and still annoying the hell out of me. Good times. Do you know what's not a good time? Getting almost ran over by a crazy driver, in an ol' rust bucket with wheels. The heck does he think he's doing? At least I'm guessing he's a guy from what I can tell; although something about that driver didn't sit right with me. I mean, who puts a cowcatcher on a truck?!?

Not to mention the glass was very tinted; anyone who looked at that thing would've thought that thing came straight from a horror movie. I hope we don't run into that guy again, as much as they can be a pain in the ass at times; I don't wish anything to fall upon Darry and Trisha. My gut's telling me something's going to go wrong, and my gut hasn't failed me yet.

A/N: Don't forget to comment, like, reblog, and whatever else! Stay weird, my fellow humans.

Previous

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[cristalconnors]

SONGS OF 2022

find the best albums of 2022 here

20. "Coochie (a bedtime story)" SHYGIRL

Silly, sexy, and sophisticated, this fairly straightforward, sweetly raunchy track is complicated by a lush, immersive soundscape that once again places Shygirl at the forefront of electronic production.

19. "Ask me how I sleep at night" EIKO ISHIBASHI

The entirety of For McCoy, Eiko Ishibashi’s bizarre ode to the beloved protagonist of Law & Order, is compelling stuff, but it is when the themes of the gargantuan, at times esoteric “I can feel guilty about anything” converge on the jazzy, ruminative “Ask me how I sleep at night” that the record really comes alive, evoking Bernard Herrman’s Taxi Driver score and Mike Post’s iconic Law & Order theme while imbuing them with both a wistfulness and a strange kind of optimism to imagine a rich interior life for Jack McCoy that the show doesn’t let us see.

18. "Ribs" TIRZAH

Tirzah returns to the sound palette of last year's monumental Colourgrade, marrying live instrumentation with harsh, avant garde textures that embrace dissonance and “ugly” sounds to somehow fashion a gorgeous vision of domestic bliss that hangs in the air, meandering along at its own pace.

17. "Dog Pound" BBYAFRICKA

There's a subtle chaos to Bbyafricka's raps- the vaguely sinister beats, the sometimes unintelligible lyrics, her propensity for getting off rhythm, intentionally rushing or lagging behind the tempo to create a fascinating tension. "Dog Pound" exemplifies all these tendencies in a standout track that announces her as a thoroughly new voice in rap.

16. "Leathery Whip" ALDOUS HARDING

The image that Aldous Harding conjures of the beastly nature of life's trials and tribulations- "Here come life with his leathery whip"- is as funny as it is frightening, much like life itself, and is ingeniously echoed in the bizarre, cartoonish supplemental vocals of H. Hawkline and Jason Williamson.

15. "Pressed" ALVVAYS

"Pressed" best exemplifies the controlled chaos Alvvays distills on Blue Rev, a blistering, frenetic two minutes of soaring melodies and dense arrangements that perfectly fold into each other to create truly sublime indie pop rock.

14. "Twin Flame" WEYES BLOOD

Natalie Mering expands her toolkit on "Twin Flame" by bringing the drum machine to the foreground with a driving beat that vaults her sound forward a decade or so into the 1980s, creating an interesting juxtaposition of the album's recurring theme of flames with the cool, submarine groove, becoming the beating heart of the album.

13. "God is a Circle" YVES TUMOR

Over the course of their career, Yves Tumor has been gradually softening the edges of their songwriting while also letting us get a slightly clearer picture of the artist. While the labored breaths and horror shrieks that provide the foundation for this rollicking track could only constitute a "softening" for Tumor, the portrait they paint of a dysfunctional relationship feels like possibly the most straightforward song of their entire ouevre, both lyrically and structurally. It is also perhaps the most vulnerable we've ever seen them, laying their most intimate feelings bare while also grappling with their oppressive, religious upbringing in more explicit ways than ever before.

12. "Wake Me up to Drive" BIG THIEF

An unlikely marriage of accordion and drum machine provides the base for "Wake Me up to Drive," a dazzlingly strange ode to companionship and selflessness on the road. Are they driving a car or a schooner wagon? It's hard to tell, but that uncertainly underlines the refreshing lawlessness of Big Thief's songwriting on their expansive 5th album.

11. "S.D.O.S." ALEX G

As a percussionist in school, I longed for an opportunity to play the güiro, the ribbed, gourd-like Puerto Rican instrument that you play by dragging a scraper across its ridges, but its almost comically frog-like sound was rarely called for in classical music. On "S.D.O.S.," Alex G inspiredly juxtaposes its inherent silliness with a sinister piano melody and disturbing, distorted vocals that make for one of the most idiosyncratic soundscapes in his catalogue, a remarkable feat for such a distinctive and prolific artist. By the time we reach the first legible lyrics- "God is my designer / Jesus is my lawyer,” we’ve given up on trying to decipher what “S.D.O.S.” might stand for and instead embrace the inexplicable allure of Alex G's sonic world.

10. "home" TWO SHELL

A sickly sweet, supersonic drum n' bass beat that reminds you of The Powerpuff Girls theme song and pitched up vocals so squeaky they're nearly unintelligible collide in this euphoric barn burner of a track that should come with a disclaimer for inducing mania.

9. "No Tiempo" LUCRECIA DALT

Warbling organ and whirring electronics that sound beamed in from outer space suddenly give way to earthbound clarinet and airy flute in this stunning impression of an alien being's first encounter with the terrestrial world, with sparse woodblock keeping the languid tempo and a memorable implementation of the vibraslap evoking a kind of exotic whimsy that sets the tone for Dalt's genre expanding 8th studio album.

8. "Poland" LIL YACHTY

It's incredible how much meaning Lil Yachty packs into this little ditty (that clocks in well under 2 minutes) about smuggling lean into a foreign country with the simple refrain "I took the Wock to Poland"- simultaneously a comment on drug dependency and substance abuse, the excesses of fame, his worldwide reach, all hypnotically quavered atop woozy synths to undeniable effect.

7. "Movie Screen" JUNGLEPUSSY

"Don't give me side eye / As I shapeshift" is just one of Junglepussy's knowing winks at her own maturation as an artist on "Movie Screen," one swaggering flex track among many in her discography, but this one sees her in full command of her powers, spitting bars about Ludi boards and roti folding, but also about personal betterment and self realization atop a Nick Hakim produced beat of looped tremolo violin that lends the track a cinematic grandeur.

6. "Bootstrap Jubilee" YVES JARVIS

Yves Jarvis reflects on his upbringing and early development as an artist by faithfully emulating the sounds of his influences where he’d typically refashion them into something more idiosyncratic and avant garde. A sunny, looping acoustic guitar riff and driving verses that build in unbroken, sing-songy fashion delivered in his now trademark stacked vocals combine to create what has to be his catchiest tune to date and perhaps also his most conventional. Only the chorus, which is something of an anti-chorus the way it abruptly interrupts the gleeful rhythm by scrapping the drums and replacing them with discordant harmonies that unexpectedly resolve back into the lilting verses, reminds us that he can’t ever let anything be too straightforward.

5. "Happy Ending" KELELA

When Kelela re-emerged from her long self-imposed hiatus with the stunning ballad “Washed Away,” she assured her rabid fans “please TRUST the bangers are on the way.” And as promised, just one month later she returned once more with “one for the club”- a sexy, infectious dance track that feels like an unexpected continuation of that first single. Where “Washed Away” found her shedding the markers of her previous work in search of a “change of pace,” this song picks up the tempo and slips tantalizingly between major and minor keys, recalling the euphoric, boundary pushing heights of classics like “Rewind” or “Frontline,”assuring the listener that Kelela remains Kelela.

4. "Victimhood" BJÖRK

Björk deploys ominous, billowing bass clarinets to cast victimhood as a boggy prison she’s struggling to escape, calling to mind the image of Kirsten Dunst trudging through black gunk that clings to her legs and threatens to swallow her in Melancholia. The combination of reed instruments and rave inspired beats that is the central sonic idea of the album never works as well as it does on the transcendent bridge, charting Björk’s Orphean journey out of the clutches of victim mentality and toward accountability.

3. "Light Me Up" RAVYN LENAE

“Light Me Up” finds Ravyn Lenae luxuriating in the abandon of new love, her pillowy vocals fluttering over a gently pulsing, unrushed beat from frequent collaborator Steve Lacy that stops time, gradually gaining complexity as you slowly slip deeper into the song’s lush textures.

2. "the mystic" NILÜFER YANYA

PAINLESS was in constant rotation for me this year. Stacked front to back with catchy, approachable indie pop rock that is also deceptively complex and textually rich, there were multiple songs I considered for this list. I went through several phases of different favorites; opener “the dealer” with its skittering drumbeat and propulsive energy, “midnight sun” with its arpeggiated, melancholic pulse. Settling on “the mystic” felt more instinctual than logical. Taking the sunny, radio-friendly sounds of turn-of-the-millennium acts like Sugar Ray and imbuing them with a yearning wistfulness, the song feels like sitting in the backseat, watching the world whiz by in wonder while powerless to do anything about it. The lyrics are abstract enough that I hadn’t realized that this feeling was precisely what the song was about until I read her description of the track in the editor’s notes for the album on Apple Music. “It’s about watching other people get on with their lives and feeling like you’re being left behind…” Perhaps I subconsciously understood this and gravitated to the song because I’ve felt that way myself, particularly as I hurdle inexorably toward 30. That Yanya conjures the sensation so exactly and so impressionistically is a small miracle.

1. "AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM" BEYONCÉ

With a title like “AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM,” I worried briefly that this song might be some hollow, trite comment on any number of the numerous problems plaguing our country, well-meaning but ultimately ineffectual. But when the song finally rolled around and those punchy, late 80s / early 90s synths came in, announcing that America’s “problem” is actually the dangerously addictive nature of Beyoncé herself, I quickly realized that this was my very favorite kind of Beyoncé song; the kind she lets her hair down in, where she doesn’t take herself too seriously, where she isn’t afraid to lean into the humor, or sometimes even outright camp. Borrowing its hook and general themes from Kilo’s 1990 track “America Has a Problem Cocaine,”  a lively yet unsparing meditation on the crack epidemic set to a rollicking dance beat in the vein of Grandmaster Flash, Beyoncé substitutes herself for the cocaine to craft an inspiredly silly flex track about how we’re all so obsessed with her, with sonorous bass lines that rattle your speakers and an infectious, driving groove that demands to be heard on the dancefloor. When she bellows "No!" with an authority only she could command, she is the voice of God.

[springvaletales]

((Session 55 is wrapped!))

We have everyone available for the first time in nearly a month, so I’m going to try to cut the Lightbell shenanigans short and hustle everybody into the Library of Pax Achillies for some required Story Bits before I lose this chance.

Bagelby: “Did y’all hear the narrator? We’re going to a lighthouse!!”

Somehow the conversation pivoted from bullying the local vigilante to Bone Daddy and why he’s hot.

Now the topic is ‘Which Batman Villain Would My PC Be’, because someone joked that if they bullied Whitescale 2.0 anymore, he was going to go Joker on them.

Ena watched Whitescale 2,0 leave as the party argues OOC.

New restaurant and NPC: Patricia Pound, dwarven owner and head chef of Patricia’s Pancake Pyramid, an all-day breakfast restaurant in Port Covekeel, Salance. Created solely bc the drunk party member cried about wanting pancakes and I needed to get them moving.

“Look, it’s very easy to make food sexy.”

Thiori’s player refuses to accept that he specifically said “I give ALL my gold to these kobold” last session and thus has no gold left to go around tipping random strangers at the public bus stop and keeps arguing with me about it. I am honestly about to scream just gET ON THE FUCKING WAGON-

Bagelby spent the entire wagon ride badgering the 20-something wagon driver about his life.

“Because the light hurts too much and you can’t turn off the sun, you invent sunglasses.”

The instant Bagelby saw the port’s three - three! - lighthouses, he abandoned the group to run across town and dive right into the bay.

The party sent Thiori to drag him back, but when Thiori caught up to Bagelby, he just…kept swimming.

A resigned Asahi cast Levitate on Ena so that Ena could float across the water, and dove into the water herself.

Lex also decided to swim, as her new, god-given muscles made it quite easy, and Sir Carl Jaeger had to strip out of his armor to avoid drowning as he swam after them.

Bagelby, rolling for perception: “….that is a 2.”

Me: “You find a cool rock.”

So absorbed was Bagelby in his cool rock find that he didn’t notice Y.A.W. standing in the lighthouse doorway until Thiori had picked him up and carried him halfway up the stairs.

Before opening the portal to the Library of Pax Achilles at the top of the lighthouse, Y.A.W. warned the party not to overstay their welcome, lest they become a part of the library itself.

Being the Head Librarian at the Kendaran Royal Palace Library is apparently just a side hustle for Dynamite, Head Librarian of the Library of Pax Achillies, Demigod of Knowledge, and 13th Son of Machina, Goddess of Innovation and Deceit.

Bagelby, horrified: “No….no! It can’t be! How did YOU get here?!”

Dynamite handcuffed Bagelby to Asahi to force her to chaperone him, forced Ena to wear a hazmat suit to keep her fire away from the books, and demanded collateral from the party in return for temporary library cards.

Sir Carl Jaeger left one of his rings as collateral, Asahi left one of her enchanted glass figurines from Redfeather City.

Dynamite demanded Maritza as collateral from Bagelby, to the party’s genuine horror.

To keep Maritza company, Thiori handed over Saiorse. Dynamite then pulled out a mimic of her own, so all three could have a playdate.

Lex tried to hand over her deity-given weapon, but Dynamite looked her up and down and waved her through.

After a very sad puppy look from Lex, she sighed, and took the Rod of Guffaw as collateral.

Once everyone in the party had been given a temporary library card, Dynamite led them around the circulation desk to a massive tome - one that required both of her paws to open - and spun it around to face them.

The book itself is blank, but when you place your palm on its page and firmly state what information you’re looking for, the pages write themselves with the library wing, wing section, aisle number, shelf letter, and shelf section of the book that best matches your request.

Once your query has been processed, the book spits out a little map showing you how to reach the specific shelves from the circulation desk. None of the shelves on the party’s many maps seem to match.

Dynamite, very sternly: “Wipe your hands before you touch my book.”

Bagelby wants to find: Information on “how to un-steal a soul”.

Ena wants to find: Information on Genasi (specifically of the air variety) marriage customs. Book got confused and gave her dragon lore as well.

Sir Carl Jaeger wants to find: Information about Chessifer, his missing squire.

Lex wants to find: Information on her home country, [name unknown].

Thiori wants to find: A shit ton of crafting recipes.

Asahi wants to find: Literally ALL the lore her list went on for twelve NPCs five cities and six major historical events I’m gonna have to cut things down just for the sake of time.

It took Bagelby several attempts to get his answer recognized by the reference book, as he kept amending his request when the information brought up was not what he wanted.

Ena, about Thiori fighting Krell 1v1: “You have the high ground!”

Thiori, horrified: “Yes, but he has the high chairs!”

Asahi asked if they could speak to Pax Achilles, and Dynamite insisted that NOBODY disturbed the demigod unless the world was ending.

Asahi: “About that….does a giant magical chaos tree growing out of a dimensional rift count as world-ending?”

Dynamite:

As soon as Dynamite stormed off to get Pax Achilles, Bagelby ran back to the reference book, slammed his hand on the page and asked it a dozen and a half more questions, including: “how to become a librarian in 6 easy steps” and “why is money?”.

We left off with the party going their separate ways to find their requested books, leaving me with a LOT more lore to develop in about a week.

[chelleztjs18]

First Time's The Charm (WandaNat)

WandaNat x FemReader

Pairing: Rich WandaNat x girlfriend!FemReader (Modern AU)

Summary: You are taking your girlfriends to a pumpkin patch for the very first time.

Warnings: None, just fluff mixed with humors and some swearing words (I think).

Requested: Yes.

A/n: Hello hello! here's another fluffy fic. I hope you are not fluff overloaded by now. lol. but it's fluff with overprotective WandaNat, so why not, right? haha. Happy reading! Reblogs and comments are appreciated. :)

Halloween Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Okay, Wands, Natty, we are here!” You announced excitedly, complete with clapping. You look at your girlfriends at the back seats through the rear mirror. You decided to drive because you want to spend time with them without anybody else such as the driver or the bodyguard.

You've been waiting for this day since the Halloween season started. It’s the first Halloween since you've been dating Wanda and Natasha. You never thought that you would be in a polyamorous relationships, not even a single thought until you met them. Both of them spoil you very much with their love, attention and everything they can buy. The sky is the limit for them.

“Oh, this is it, detka? Wow, it’s bigger than I thought.” Natasha comments as she looks out of her window. “Oh, look at all those dirt.” Wanda lets out her thoughts right after she leans to Natasha’s side to see how it is.

“Now, you both are happy that I warn you not to wear your high heels? You are welcomed.” Pride sounds crystalline in your tone.

“Yeah, but I’m wearing my favorite white flats now.” Natasha replies in a slight complaint.

“That’s a lot of pumpkins there, baby.” Wanda adds. “Hence, the name, Wanda. It’s a pumpkin patch and it’s the biggest one in the city every year.” a chuckle slips out as you explain to them. Growing up extremely rich from two families of business moguls, made Natasha and Wanda never really know nor been to a pumpkin patch so here you are taking them to one today.

After you bought the tickets and quickly grab them by the hands and walk to where all the pumpkins are.

“So, we are walking around to pick one of these dirty pumpkins?” Natasha asks curiously with a pinch of dislike at the idea. “Yep, we pick them and you can use that wheelbarrow they provide because I want us to get the big ones for us and we bring that to the cashier and pay for it.” You answer her as you point at the lined up wheelbarrows.

“No, I’m not touching those handles of that wagon or whatever those things are called, let alone pushing it around.” Natasha shakes her head quickly and refuses the idea of it.

“It’s okay, Natty. I will push that thing. You don’t have to. I’m already happy that you and Wanda come with me here. Let’s go get some big pumpkins.” You try to make the redhead feel better and you look so thrilled by now.

_____

“Why can’t we just tell Winston to get us three big pumpkins from the store? That way we got clean pumpkins and I don’t have to push this wheelbarrow around.” Natasha complains in question as she mentions the butler's name. She pouts a little but you can imagine how her arms flex and look sexy under her coat’s sleeves.

“Nat, I was gonna push it. I didn’t want you to push it, I know how much of a clean freak you are.” You tackle her irritated remarks and tease her.

“No, I’m the head of our household. There’s no way I let Wanda or you touch and push this dirty thing.” Nat slightly retorts.

The brunette looks at Nat with her eyebrows raised a bit and the corner of her lips curve up to a smile. She is slightly amused with Nat's words and Wanda knows that she meant everything she just said.

Meanwhile you, "Okay, daddy." You said it in a teaseing way under your breath and rolled your eyes playfully. Nat stares daggers at you yet she notices how happy you are and it sweeps her annoyance away in split seconds then draws herself a smile.

Wanda watches how adorable the conversations between you and Natasha and she shakes her head with a little laugh then asks you “So, what’s next malyshka?”

“Well, there is a bunch of stuff we can do here. They sell food and drinks too.” You answer.

“We are not getting on those rides, are we? Because they don’t look safe, y/n.” Wanda asks in concern while she points at some attractions on the other end of the pumpkin patch. Her question easily gains another little laugh from you, thinking that she looks so cute. They both always look adorable when they are worried about you.

Both of your girlfriends are following you as you show them around. “Don’t worry, Wanda. We won’t but I do want us to—” You give her the assurance she needs about it then right before you tell what you want to do next, Natasha points to a direction.

"What's that over there?" A question escapes her lips.

“Oh I think that’s where the petting zoo is.” You quickened your steps so did Wanda and Natasha.

“Aaw look at those cute sheep, rabbits and ponies!” Wanda exclaimed excitedly but didn't want to step closer to the petting zoo area.

“Those are cute but sorry sweetheart, I’m not going in and I don’t think Nat wants to go in either.”

“Y/n, I love you but I can’t go there. It smells.” Natasha takes a few steps back, grimace written all over her face.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want you two to go to see the animals because I know you both very well. And that’s where I want to go in with the two of you.” Wanda and Natasha feel relieved that they got away with the petting zoo but not for so long until their gaze follows where your index finger points.

“A haunted house?” Wanda reassures if that’s what you meant.

“Yes! I love haunted houses! It’s fun. Some haunted houses are pretty extreme but fun! Let’s go!” You grin so wide as you rub both of your palms to each other.

“Y/n, that’s no fun at all. Who would want to pay just to be scared in a dark ‘house’ that’s like a maze? That’s stupid.” Natasha refuses wholeheartedly. 

“That doesn’t sound safe at all, y/n.” Wanda joins in Natasha’s refusal to your idea.

“It’s safe. Don’t worry. I have been wanting to do this with both of you. Please please please. I will be so happy if we do this.” You beg with your puppy dog eyes expression and you know it always works on anything you ask them. They can’t say no to it almost every single time you do it.

“Well, I have never been to one but I guess if that makes you happy, plus who can say No to that face. Natty, look at her and her smile. She’s happy, that’s all that matters, right?” Wanda coaxes while her hands rubs Natasha’s back. You know you can count on Wanda to help you to persuade Nat.

A sigh escaped your Russian girlfriend. “Fine. Let’s go but let me take the lead.” She agrees in defeat but her overprotective dominant side demands a compromise from you.

“Nope. I’m not taking a risk of you punching the scarrer's face.” You joke as you giggle.

“Okay, I will walk behind you and Wanda will take the lead so we can make sure that you are okay.” Natasha leaves no room for you to argue.

“As long as we are having fun, okay.” You know better to agree before Nat changes her mind.

“Good girl.” Nat praises you as she gently pat the crown of your head and smiles at you.

_____

The three of you have gone halfway through the haunted house. You have to admit, it is really fun to go in there with Natasha and Wanda. It’s utterly adorable and sweet seeing both of them very protective over you despite the fear and shock they feel every now and then.

Wanda leads the way and makes sure what’s coming and Natasha watches behind you so no scarrer sneaks behind you.

You can hear Wanda scream a little sometimes and Natasha, she grunts and swears a lot to cover herself every time she gets shocked. “Okay, y/n, we will pass the part where there are bodies in trash bags hanging, just be prepared if one of them screams or moves. Okay?” Wanda gives warning ahead.

“Okay, Wands.” You try hard to hold your laugh.

Luckily, nothing happens as you pass the hanging bodies. “Hah! I saw you! Y/n, I saw one guy try to scare you from behind but he backed out because he knows I caught him in the act. What’s wrong, big guy? Are you–” Natasha mocks the scarrer then proudly tells you what happened, you can hear from her voice that she is less tense and chuckles a little until one loud bang echoes that startle her.

“Jesus! What the fuck was that?! I can’t believe you made me do this. I don't get what's the fun of this, y/n.” There it is again, a scared and annoyed tone comes back in between Natasha’s comment and you find it very funny.

Wanda screams again. “Oh my god, watch out! That clown doll on the right moves!”

“Okay, walk a little bit to the left, detka.” Natasha instructs you protectively as soon as she hears what Wanda informs and her hands gently push you to walk more on the left side.

You feel bad for them but you can't help yourself to laugh a little but they are too anxious to hear your laugh.

You can see the nurturing, soft Wanda yet she is as overprotective as Natasha is over you.

Wanda screams once more then all of a sudden stops walking. "Oh for fuck sake!" Hearing Natasha swears is not big news but when Wanda swears? Oh that's something new and it just makes this all better.

"What? Wanda, did you just swear?" Natasha's question flows from behind you.

"Y-yeah I did. I just saw that–that… What's that little cursed doll boy who kills people?! The one that I really hate!" Frustration started to show more in Wanda's voice.

"You meant Chucky?" You guessed with a soft giggle.

"YES! I just saw it run across the room real quick. Shoot! I can't see him now." Wanda eyes quickly search around the maze.

"Uh okay. Okay.. let's continue walking Wanda, that masked killer from Halloween is behind us and walking closer.” Panic screams in Nat’s tone as she pushes both you and Wanda to walk faster.

After a few steps away and the scarrer who was mentioned stops following, the maze gets quiet and dark again.

“Are you okay, y/n?” Nat sudden question behind your ear startled you a little. “Yeah, Natty. I’m okay. You scared me.” You answer. “Sorry, love.” Nat responds.

“Okay, it’s almost over. I saw the exit sign but why is it so quiet? I can’t wait to get out of here.” Wanda notices the silence is too good to be true or perhaps a little anticlimactic.

“Oh, I’m glad it’s almost—” Natasha’s words got interrupted with the loud popping and hissing sounds from the fog machine and fake thunder sounds and light. Not gonna lie it startled you and the loud screams from Natasha and Wanda didn’t help at all as one scarrer with a fake chainsaw jumped and screamed in front of Wanda.

Everything happened too quickly, you didn’t even see that coming. Three of you screamed. “Oh my god, detka are you okay?” Natasha asks and Wanda turns around to check up on you and Natasha at the same time.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay but I think he’s the one that you both need to ask if he is okay.” Wanda and Natasha quickly look at the person you meant only for them to find him dropping his fake chainsaw prop, rolling on the floor moaning in agony with both of his hands covering where the pain he feels, on his crotch.

“Ah! You kicked me in the nuts, lady! Oh my god! That hurts.” The man grunts in pain as he speaks. “Uh-oh. I think I kicked him.” Wanda acknowledges.

“Uh-huh. I can see that, Wands.” Natasha replies and looks at him. You alert the staff to call the medic.

_____

Thanks to Natasha's negotiating skill, the man won't press charges on Wanda.

You and your older girlfriends walk out of the haunted houses laughing out loud of what just happened.

"I really didn't expect that you would kick somebody. I thought it would be Natty." You laugh your thoughts out.

"Y/n, I told you I didn't mean it. If I wasn't in front of you, he would scare you. It was just my instinct kicking in to protect you." Wanda backs herself up from your and Nat’s tease.

As the three of you walk further away leaving the haunted house, Wanda smells a delicious scent and Natasha sees people walk by with tasty looking food on their plate.

“What is that smell? It smells so good.” Wanda asks as she inhales more of it. 

“Oh my God, that looks so delish.” Nat’s head turns because of her gaze that’s locked to the food that passes by.

“That looks like a heart attack, Natasha.” Wanda comments.

Wanda loves cooking and Nat loves food, you know that. You are smiling at their antics. “That is one of the foods that they serve here. The food here is waaaay cheaper yet tastier than what we usually get from any fancy restaurant we always go to. Let’s try some.” you propose your plan and hook both of your arms to theirs and walk together.

“So, this pumpkin patch opens every year in the Halloween season, y/n?” Natasha asks.

“Yes. Every single year. Why, Natty?” You ask with a knowing smile. You know the reason she asks, you just want to hear it from her.

“Uh, just wondering.” A hesitant answer flows out of the redhead’s lips.

“Oh for goodness sake, Nat, just say it. You want to come back next year? I do. It’s not that bad actually.” Wanda bluntly calls her out and admits it herself at the same time.

“Yes! Okay, I want to come back next year. It was fun. Happy now??” Natasha finally admits as she tries to hold back a smile and she fails miserably.

“Yes, I am. Thank you Wanda, Natty. I love you both so much.”

“We love you too, y/n.”

This year’s Halloween is for sure the unforgettable one for you, perhaps it’s also even the best one ever.

A/n: Welp, that's it for today, peeps! Let me know what you think. Follow me for more and see you in next!

Cheerio!

Taglist: @madamevirgo @musicinourlips @unstable-sapphic-hoe @fanboy7794 @chloe7076 @b0mbdotc0m @trikruismybitch @ichala @californianwhiterabbit @honey-sweet-hiraeth @imfuckinggenius @sxfwap @chaekhan @daenerys713 @luvmcgrath @stupidsapphicsstuff @pattypavo @frvny @franfineashell @heyyoweveryone @ygtft-chen @yaaskasey @sweeet-likeeee-cinnamonn @paumxmff @dopeyouth @beaniejennie @ineedafinghug @idkwhatimwriting @lucydiibi @mainly-rebloging-fics-i-like @gloriousfoxruins @grxvitye @mcubreakdown101 @aos22 @wandanatstan @paulawand @yeeterthekeeper @femalehomosexual666 @snowdrop1026 @modernmonalisa @nothingisrealanyway @idamaemann @sweeterlust @royalityofmultifandom @playboysaleen @peabrain112 @gwhaley127 @harleyswanda @bodhi-j @darth-rain @cristin-rjd

[subject665]

More Incorrect Quotes from Mental Calamity AU

Pre Timeskip

Marcy's Sister Addison: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Darcy does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff?

Marcy: If Darcy were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Darcy jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Marcy's Sister Addison: You jump off a cliff!

Marcy: Gladly. Provided Darcy did first.

-------------------

Marcy: I think Sasha was right.

Darcy: I'm surprised she hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Anne: She wouldn't do that.

Sasha: You're right, Anne. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Sasha: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Sasha Told You So' on the back*

-----------------

Kidnapper: I have your Girlfriend.

Anne: What? I don't have a Girlfriend...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

Anne: Oh my god, you have Darcy.

--------------

Darcy: Why don't Anne and Sasha find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Addison: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Darcy: *bites lip*

Addison: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

----------------

Sasha: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Anne: Yes.

Sasha: I love you.

Anne: It back.*Later*

Marcy: Why is Sasha crying face-down on the floor?

--------------------

Addison: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.

Marcy: The big five licenses?

Addison: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

------------------

Marcy's Parents: You three, explain right now!

Sasha: It was Addison.

Marcy/Darcy: It was Addison.

Anne: It was Addison.

Addison:

Addison: …fuck.

------------

Marcy: Why does Mom always do the laundry so loudly?

Darcy: So everyone knows that no one helps her out in the house.

Momcy, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

--------------

Sasha: Darcy, I am questioning your sanity...

Anne: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

----------------------Post Time Skip Quotes

Anne: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house.

Sasha: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

-------------

Darcy: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I’ve got a whole box of old positives at my house.

Sasha: You’re an American treasure.

----------------------Return to Amphibia Variant

Anne: I will find us a covered wagon and Snail.

Anne: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone.

Sasha: Oh, please. We're not children.*Anne leaves*

Sasha, casually: ...Eat shit and die.

Darcy, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

--------------

Marcy: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

---------------

Darcy: Are we fighting or flirting?

Sasha: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

Darcy: Your point?

------------Darcy's Birthday gift for Marcy

Darcy: That shirt looks great, Sasha

Sasha: Thanks

Darcy: But I bet it would look even better on Marcy's floor.

Marcy: Are you hitting on Sasha... for me?

--------------

Marcy: Did Anne just tell me they loved me for the first time?

Darcy: Yeah, she did.

Marcy: And did I just do finger guns back?

Darcy: Yeah, you did.

------------ CORE Trauma

Sasha: Who hurt you?

Darcy: *snorting* What, do you want a list?

Sasha: ...Yes, actually.

[nicistrying]

Thurs 4th May:

Had a much needed lie in and cup of tea in bed with Matthew this morning. Pretty much just got myself ready and went to work a little early to see sexy wagon driver as he had text me to say he had our wagon. When I got there he was offloading 5 big pallets on his own, unsupervised (not allowed) and said no one had come to check on him in like 20 mins (we're supposed to stay at the door or at least check back regularly in case the driver has an accident, as has happened recently at another store). So I had to help him bring them up into the cold room, 30 mins before my shift had even started bc they were too heavy for one person to manage up a ramp. Even he was like why the fuck are you doing this why are all your staff so lazy. I was like my dude, I got extra staff in this morning to cope with the backlash of yesterday's late delivery. Hate to tell you but both managers and 3 supervisors are all in the store right now and none of them are here checking up on the fucking delivery. Sooo we were pissed with everyone but then I made us cups of tea and got his favourite biscuits and I sat on his knee and played with his hair and we had a laugh. I had to work 2 departments bc my frozen buddy was ill so had to help him get through most of his delivery and THEN get through 4 big heavy pallets of ambient on my own which took me the rest of the night. And then just as I'm locking up I get a text from my driver saying he's on local drops tomorrow i.e. not here, a 3 hour drive away, and that our wagon will be late. Checked the store emails and sure enough, another fucking 4 hour late delivery tomorrow!!! So I'm absolutely dreading my 3rd late night in a row, second one this week dealing with our wagon being several hours late and having to rush round like a lunatic.

Anyway. This was my fitbit from Thursday. Doesn't seem much considering how busy I was but I had a lazy morning and usually I've done an extra 10k steps walking Maggie. Pray for me getting through today bc I am one pissed off girl 🥲✌️

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

Hey there! What kind of car do you think the FO4 companions (and Maxson) would drive, and what kind of driver would they be?

(This is most definitely Pre-war or Modern! AU, so this'll be fun)

Cait:

•No car here.

•Instead, Cait drives a dark gray Harley Road King- outfitted completely with skulls and matching gloves.

•Fucking terrible to be on the road with.

Curie:

•Drives a rather cute, white Audi TT.

•Has several notebooks littering the glove box. Random coloured pens, EVERYWHERE.

•Probably has one of those infuriating ty beanie babies sitting upon the dash, staring into your soul with those inhuman beady eyes.

•Okay driver....

Danse:

(I've mentioned a long time ago that in my Pre-War AU, both Danse and Gage are some country bois..well here you go)

•Drives a hella nice, red, lifted Ford F-250 King Ranch. He loves it, but he usually just uses his "baby" to help haul things around.

•Take the love his canon counterpart has for his power armour and apply it to this Danse's truck.

•Has a sticker of his respective branch (I'm think Danse would be a marine or army man..idk) that he is too proud of and hangs his dog tags on the mirror.

•Stupidly strict about following all rules of the road.

Deacon:

•Ever seen one of those creepy vans with a painted tiger and wizard battling on the side? That's Deacon's.

•The back is renovated with a whole ass couch, tapestries and a funky disco ball.

•Calls it "the party wagon"

•Drives however he feels like.

Gage:

(Yee haw..)

•Drives an absolutely massive, dark gray, lifted 2019 F150 super duty. Has modifications on this bitch so expensive and wonderful that even Danse would shed a tear.

•Has a skull sticker on his back dash, a rifle behind the front seat, and brass knuckles in his glove box. Man is just waiting for a fight. Even the fucking antenna cover is shaped like a bullet...

•If you want to see your life flash before your eyes, ride with him. Uses the shoulder as a lane to pass people, thinks the speed limit is a mere suggestion, and is willing to ram someone for cutting him off.

Hancock:

•Thanks to his funds, he drives a pretty nice black Range Rover with fancy red interior.

•Advent drunk driver but somehow never gets caught.

Macready:

•Drives an old, yet dependable, 2004 Nissan x-terra. Boy, does that thing make him so close to cussing because of that thing. Duncan always laughs at him when that happens.

•It periodically stalls, but it's still faithful when he needs it....

•Mediocre driver..until someone cuts him off.

Piper:

•Drives a 2013 convertible, bright red, mustang!

•Blasts music and drives fast af when it's safe...but is strangely the safest one to ride with out of everyone else.

Maxson:

•Mr. Maxson, or rather the Maxson family is ridiculously rich..lemme just put that here first.

•Drives a badass, black Mclaren P1.

•Terrible driver.

Nick:

•Drives an astonishing cream coloured vintage Cadillac.

•Smells of smoke and coffee and the inside has cigarette ashes and littered newspapers.

•Drives waaaay too slow.

Old Longfellow:

•Does his boat count? Because he isn't really supposed to be driving that thing either but shit, it's better than getting caught driving his car with his suspended license having ass. Don't drink and drive, kids.

Preston:

•Drives a cactus green Ford Bronco. Freaking adores that thing too.

•Has a little rubber duckie that wears glasses perched up on the dashboard. It's name is Steven and he is considered Preston's good luck charm. Laugh all you want damnit.

•Frequently causes traffic jams because he'll let everyone out in front of him.

Sturges!:

•ooooh boy.

•This man loves his several cars, but his main one is a very sexy light blue '68 chevelle that he affectionately refers to as "sweetheart".

•He built the thing up from the ground practically,

•Has a relatively unhealthy attachment to that car and will beat someone up over sitting on it.

•Extremely careful driver...unless he is drag racing in one of his other babies, then it's game on.

X6-88:

•Also doesn't drive a car.

•Instead drives an all black CBR 1000RR Honda motorcycle.

•Has blue LED lights under the bike. Show off.

•Gives zero fucks about traffic rules and primarily drives at night.

[rabbitcruiser]

Go For a Ride Day

Go For a Ride Day, celebrated on November 22, urges you to just get up and get out! Do you ever feel like you’re tied to your laptop/phone/tablet screens? We’ve become a pretty sedentary bunch — a far cry from the people who discovered countries, oceans, and animals simply by getting off the couch and exploring.  Make today a day to set your spirit free and enjoy your wanderlust on whatever mode of transportation suits you best. Bike, boat, car, skateboard, sleigh—it doesn’t matter what you choose! Pick a location you’ve always wanted to visit and make today the day you’ll go.  

History of Go For A Ride Day

Birthdays are fun and Christmas means presents (if you’re lucky), but nothing quite compares with the magical day you get your driver’s license. That’s when your world truly changes forever. Why? Cars mean freedom. You can suddenly go anywhere at anytime (as long as your parents are cool with your plans). Such is the nature of transportation — something we in the 21st century take for granted. We all grew up with planes, trains and automobiles — so we’re quite used to getting where we need to go.

But it wasn’t always that way. When President Jefferson asked Lewis (and, eventually, Clark) to explore the American West in 1804, there were no nonstop flights from St. Louis to the Oregon coast. As the History Channel describes it: “The excursion lasted over two years.   Along the way they confronted harsh weather, unforgiving terrain, treacherous waters, injuries, starvation, disease and both friendly and hostile Native Americans. Nevertheless, the approximately 8,000-mile journey was deemed a huge success and provided new geographic, ecological and social information about previously uncharted areas of North America.”

And today we complain about trying to squeeze our carry-ons into the overhead bin.

Americans have always loved to “go for a ride” — with whatever mode of transportation existed. Horses. Boats. Bicycles. And of course, the ubiquitous car. The nation had a long love affair with automobiles starting in the mid 20th century and lasting until recently — as a new generation of car buyers, born after the car craze, loses interest in design — focusing instead on practicality. Stellar gas mileage makes Priuses as sexy as Porsches. Well, almost.

Go For A Ride Day timeline

1950s Car culture

Cars inspired new businesses like drive-through restaurants and drive-in movie theaters, and employed one in six working Americans.

1956 Interstate highways

President Eisenhower authorizes $25 billion for the construction of 41,000 miles of the Interstate Highway System.

1964 ‘Pony car’

Ford introduces the sporty and powerful Mustang — the automaker's most successful launch since the Model A.

2019 Driverless cars get smarter

MIT engineers develop a system to help autonomous cars determine if there’s a moving object coming around the corner.

Go For A Ride Day FAQs

What does Go For A Ride Day celebrate?

Go For a Ride Day 2019 encourages us to get out in the world, as opposed to seeing it on a screen. Any mode of transportation will do on this day. What was America’s first car company?

Brothers Charles and Frank Duryea founded the Duryea Motor Wagon Company in 1893, becoming the first American automobile manufacturing company.  What happened to supersonic jet travel?

The Concorde, which flew faster than the speed of sound, never turned a profit. When the plane broke the sound barrier (about 760 mph), it created shock waves that would hit the ground with a loud and sudden sonic “boom.” The FAA eventually banned all commercial aircraft from flying at supersonic speeds over land.

Go For A Ride Day Activities

Make it fun

Make it easy

Make it memorable

Dare yourself to try something new and adventurous. Why not try a mode of transportation you’ve never used before? Suggestions include jet skiing, parasailing, or going on a hot air balloon ride. In colder climates you could try a sleigh ride, or a horse drawn carriage.

Maybe you weren’t born to be wild, but don’t let that stop you from joining in the fun. Play tourist in your own city or neighborhood. Use public transit and see the sights like visitor.

Exploring is an adventure, but it can be even more fun if you have someone to share it with. Bring along an adventurous friend or family member to help make some memories. If your local friends are sticks in the mud, then bring your more adventurous friends along virtually by posting your adventure to Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

Why We Love Go For A Ride Day

It’s an escape from reality

It can be great exercise

It helps us be spontaneous

Every now and then we just need something to break up the status quo and make us feel alive! Go For A Ride Day exists for that very reason. It can be hard to get motivated to see new places or even try new foods, but Go For A Ride Day provides the momentum.

You can try skateboarding or using a scooter. How about getting out your helmet and going for a long bike ride? Did you know you can burn over 400 calories an hour horseback riding?

Our lives tend to run to the predictable, and for the most part, that predictability helps the world go round. But we all still have a small streak of rebellion, and that's what Go For a Ride Day helps bring out.

Source

[ask-fantasy-sanders-sides]

(Block madam sexy scales) Wait, Roman is the only one with a drivers license??????? -King

Well.... This is before drivers licenses

Roman's just the only one who really knows how a wagon works

[sugar-petals]

I know you've been getting tons of requests for more tarot readings, but OH DEAR LORD, PLEASE MAKE ANOTHER ONE! Also, I luv ur blog have a blessed day!!!

i had a sexy idea. what about i take you to date night with SuperM 👀

Taemin: THE CHARIOT

That card has major prince in extra shining armor energy. It’s a highly decorated guy riding a star-spangled wagon pulled by two sphinxes. Pretty extravagant is an understatement. It can’t get any more glamorous and it’s perfectly Taemin. Especially because THE CHARIOT traditionally symbolizes being famous. Rings a bell right there. Date night will go down in a fancy car or limousine, or you will spend a major part in some kind of expensive vehicle getting you where you planned to go. Safe to say the overdressed one will not be you. Yep, no matter how hard you try. And it can’t be any other way. Taemin will stun with glitter, high fashion, perfect hair, jewelry, makeup, lavish fabrics, a perfect body, anyways. So expensive, lord. You date the Prince of Korea. Taemin might get into trouble with fans or frentic paparazzi when he shows up like that man. So it only makes sense the venue is likely a bit out of town because the chariot card is set with a city backdrop that fades in the distance. It’s gonna be next to a body of water which is depicted behind the chariot. Really a more secluded and remote area. That also tells me it’s you he dresses up for after all, not the public. And, either way. That the main theme of the card is the vehicle, that’s where you’ll be cheek to cheek. Driver, roll up the partition, please. 

Baekhyun: KING OF SWORDS

Powerful card. Either of you, I suspect it’s Baekhyun, takes responsibility to organize everything to the very last detail. It’s more head over heart energy, a hurricane, literal brain-storm even. He will surely think it through a thousand times. You gotta be the one who says easy easy, it’s about you and me and not some management job where the setting and timing and whatnot gives you all kinds of pressure. Now you understand that Baekhyun’s serious, performance-like mode is at full throttle because he’s nervous as fuck, cares about you, and doesn’t want to make any mistakes. But that contradicts what date night is all about. It’s not supposed to be stress or a task. Rather than making a good impression and being perfect, you remind him to let go a little more and return to his goofy personality. The lesson of the card might go as far as having both of you realize that racking your brains to hard is a sign to do something else. Staying at home is not a bad thing, you might even enjoy yourselves much more because everything is already taken care of. Sword energy cuts, especially if it’s the King wielding it, in this case the cutting might refer to canceling plans short notice to pursue what you’re really in the mood for as a couple. Which in turn will be rewarding and something healthy to do because you don’t force yourselves into an obligation.

Lucas: THE LOVERS

So… to state the absolute obvious right away. Even if you aren’t too familiar with Tarot at all, you know for a fact that this card is a darn good one to pull for a relationship question. Lo and behold: Lucas is your #1 address for date night. If I were unsure whom to pick, THE LOVERS are the most unequivocal sign like, pack the condoms, bring out the perfume, feel good, make out… wait, too fast. First things first: Oh my, he’s gonna be amazing as your kind of date consort. The chemistry! Explosive. Since the card depicts Garden Eden, that’s gonna be your overarching theme if you will. Cloud nine essentially. This evening will be blessed and sheer paradise. Adam on the card is surrounded by flames on a tree so you bet Lucas is gonna be on fire. There are also quite a few fruits depicted so I guess your food will be sweet and light rather than heavy. Now, as for the elephant in the room. Adam and Eve are more than stark naked on that card. Sex will be involved 10/10, out of all member’s he’s the one guaranteed to lay that pipe. The Lovers card also symbolizes a decision. It might be the day Lucas chooses to propose to you, even. Your relationship will be bound for the next level there. The angel on the card tells me you are safe and protected.

Mark: THE TOWER

Unexpected! That card is just way too dramatic for a light romantic reading. Seeeriously. Especially with Mark as a member who’s known for being super goofy and cute instead of serene and grumpy. What it’s about is plain ole doom and destruction, bringing down the old to build and restart the new. Natural catastrophe and firestorms, even. Yeah like imagine sitting together with Mark eating chipotle and some bloody earthquake hits, that’s the scenario and… actually, no. Worry not, I think the card wants us to take the image literally. The date will be in or close to some kind of tower. Or any elevated structure for that matter. Eiffel Tower much? Tower of Pisa? Sounds very romantic to me. That we have a huge thunderstorm raging on this card tells me you’ll be inside watching the huge grey clouds and thunder which is gonna be quite spectacular. Summer might be the time of the year that date goes down since it’s the season most prone to thunderstorms. Note also how dark the tower card is, that date night will go on past midnight and it will be steamy, too.

Ten: FOUR OF CUPS

Instantly when I drew that card, I knew it’s him on it. The four of cups shows a young black-haired man with closed eyes, sitting under a tree. Whether he’s dozing, sulking, meditating, or ignoring what goes on around him isn’t entirely clear. To me, and for Ten, I feel like it’s more of a worn-out day he’ll experience. Not the date itself, mind you, it’s the social circumstances. He’s tired from dance practices and all those schedules. All the fan interactions and SNS to be taken care of. Lots of stuff going on in the group. Truth be told, the card says date night isn’t the best way to go about it. He wants to be in a state of full energy when being with you. That works best if he has a separate day planned. And not date night as an addition to an existing schedule. Cramming it in seems like deprioritizing his partner so he won’t easily consider even if you yourself suggest date night. He has his reasons but might not always care to elaborate which is interesting given how outspoken Ten is otherwise. Maybe he’s not keen to burden you with his stress and his main strategy is to stay indifferent to keep things at bay, he really values relaxation time — nothing against you, just virtue of his business.

Taeyong: TWO OF PENTACLES

Interesting and simple, beautiful card! It shows a young man juggling two pentacles inside an infinity symbol, acting as a scale. That tells me two things: a) you’ll split the bill and b) this is a long-term relationship. Random I know, but makes for interesting context. The main theme from the card is the following though. It’s gonna be a date by the sea. There are water and ships pictured. You’ll see the anchorage and freight ships, even take a trip across a river alternatively. Who knows, the River Han is a popular dating spot in Seoul, I am sure someone so fond of all things nature will gravitate towards that. Looking at the waves is like a meditative experience. I also got an idea looking at that card once more, something more small scale: A pool date, super sexy. Like, imagine that. Taeyong is just an avid swimmer in pools, we’ve seen it. A bit of refreshment, some games with a ball, a bit of accidental exercise along the way without it feeling like a chore? Sounds about right. Plus you automatically get frisky in your swimwear. He’s not afraid to show his body. Whatever it is, a body of water will be involved for sure. If it’s by the sea an not inside water: Taeyong will wear either a red or even orange suit, we’re going fashion forward tonight babey, he can pull it off.

Kai: TEN OF WANDS

When I drew this I was like oh nu why :/ But we gotta roll with it. It’s not a seriously scary thing or something, just a more strenous, not 100% smooth romance card. The Ten of Wands is more of an indicator that there’s an obstacle or strain involved. It might be the kind of date where Kai is clumsy, someone doesn’t make it on time, it’s a hassle to find the parking lot, and so on and so forth. Consistent bad luck I do not associate with the TEN OF WANDS, however! It’s more of a what effort you put in is what dictates the result energy. The card shows a hunched guy carrying ten huge wooden sticks toward a town in the backdrop. And you can really see it’s heavy and he’s struggling because he has to carry so much. So, it might be a scenario where like, say Kai and you get stuck in traffic before you arrive. Which, you know, can be super annoying but can easily turned into a perk if you know what to do with the extra time. Or, Kai takes up so much responsibility with planning that he gets exhausted with the rest of his work in the mix. Though remember, effort always comes back tenfold (it’s the ten of wands after all) so it might be worth it and be a wholesome evening after some initial stress. Something unrelated I picked up from the imagery is that the date will be in a castle, because that is pictured in the backdrop!

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

As in Debbie Harry

PART FOURTEEN OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: implied sexy times, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 4.2K

Summary: Jess and Ella have a frank discussion, then go see a live performance of some angry music.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Gilmore Girls is often a very sex-negative show. There are many examples of the sex-negative narrative through the series, such as when Lorelai implies Paris is “the bad kid” for losing her virginity, or when Lane gets pregnant with twins the first time she has sex with Zach. In “Keg! Max!” Jess tries to pressure Rory into having sex while in a bedroom upstairs during Kyle’s party. In my opinion, that scene seemed a very clumsy (and, honestly, out of character) attempt to convey Jess’s inward situation outwardly without using words. It is a very difficult scene to watch and it is Jess’s worst moment in the whole series by far. With this chapter of my AU, I am in no way trying to trivialize that scene or be an apologist for that kind of behavior. It’s unacceptable in every way. Consent is extremely important, and should be clearly given by everyone involved each time they have sex.

Instead, I wanted to create a more positive representation of teen sex. Sex is a normal part of life, and people should not be shamed for having it. I wanted the conversation between Jess and Eleanor to be realistic and beneficial. And I wanted the morning after to be positive too. I wanted it to be clear that they both gave consent during the initial conversation and right before they actually had sex (because giving consent once does not mean giving consent forever). I wanted them to be safe and comfortable. I wanted them to make an effort to communicate with each other. Also, I personally think the show has a detrimental attitude towards virginity, especially considering how much slut-shaming there is, the incident with Paris being only one example. Virginity, in my view, is just a social construct, but that’s a conversation for another time.

In my AU, Jess does not pressure anyone into sex, and he never would. It’s monumentally problematic of Gilmore Girls to brush off the incident in “Keg! Max!” the way it does, so I wanted to make sure I addressed it before any sex happened in this story. It’s important to recognize problems in our favorite content and learn from them. So, I hope this chapter sends a better message about teenage sex and consent. And I hope I got my ideas across in this note. Please feel free to message me any time if you are going through something, want to talk, or anything else. I am always here. You can learn more about consent and find resources for sexual assault survivors here.

Legs crossed, warming both her hands with the to-go cup of tea from Luke’s, Ella listened intently as Lane gushed about Dave Rygalski. They sat in the gazebo, school bags forgotten on the old wood below them. Stars Hollow High was finally closed for fall break, a whole week off to celebrate Thanksgiving and prepare for the odd, torturous month until the sweet release of winter break as well. Lane was thinking out loud, trying to formulate a plan to get Dave to her house on Thanksgiving. Schemes involving classical Biblical guitar and stuffy outfits were being discussed when Rory finally arrived from the bus stop, binders in her hand and her Chilton skirt hitting her knees as she walked.

“Ah, if it isn’t my favorite Catholic school girl!” Ella called as Rory ascended the steps.

Rory scoffed. “It wasn’t funny two years ago, and it’s not funny now.”

“Humor is subjective.”

“Not in this case. You’ve reached an objective lack of humor.”

“Hey, not even Rory Gilmore can bend such universal rules,” Ella shrugged, smirking. Rolling her eyes, Rory plopped down between her two friends and blew out a tired breath, a tight squeeze on the small bench.

“Man, that boyfriend of yours is a bad influence. The heightened snark makes the two of you such a sorry lot,” Lane said.

Ella’s wicked grin only widened. “The snark existed well before Jess came along. I think it’s more my old age that’s making me bitter.” She paused, taking another sip. “Really Rory, I could paint your shoes. Your mom could hem your skirt. I think it’s time to make waves in the antiquated dress code community.”

“Expulsion’s just what I need six months before graduation,” Rory grumbled, digging around in her yellow backpack for her pager. There were fourteen messages from Dean. She let out a frustrated growl.

“Dirk Squarejaw again?” Ella asked, sympathetic.

Nodding, Rory sighed and put her head to Ella’s shoulder. “He just won’t shut up about that kiss with Tristan. I swear this all would’ve been easier if he’d ended up actually going to military school.”

“What do you say we throw off our men and just ride off together, Thelma?” Ella said, uttering a dreamy exhale.

“If only, Louise.”

Clearing her throat, Lane nudged Rory with an elbow and raised offended eyebrows.

“And, once you snag Dave, you’ll be part of the feminist killjoy club, too,” Ella said pointedly, smirking.

“You’ve been listening to too much Bikini Kill,” Lane said, cracking a smile.

“No such thing,” Ella retorted. “Revolution girl style now, baby.”

The three of them descended into a sprawling conversation of Thanksgiving plans, along with a rather colorful anecdote involving Rory’s Chilton frenemy Paris. No matter how exuberant she sounded, Ella couldn’t help but think she would get along well with Ms. Geller. A pleasant tingling had spread within Ella since leaving school, the bell finally chiming in seventh period trigonometry. The feeling always came along with breaks, and it was nice to be with Rory and Lane, chatting in their familiar, breezy way. Everyone was growing older, getting busier, getting boyfriends; it was rare the three musketeers got a true moment to themselves. Eventually, Lane had to go to Bible study, eager to get in good graces with her mother, to allow Dave to provide a musical holiday accompaniment.

Autumn brought early nightfall, and the light was just beginning to wane when a decrepit AMC Ambassador screeched to a halt in front of the diner. And Ella found herself not even surprised when Jess stepped out of the driver’s side, the keyring around his finger. A smirk crossed her lips and she scoffed a little, looking over at Rory, who shot her a suspicious glance.

“He’s back behind the wheel, huh?” Rory asked.

Ella’s face fell a little. “Oh, jeez, I’m sorry-”

Waving a dismissive hand, Rory only shrugged. “That accident wasn’t his fault.”

Letting out a breath of relief, Ella gave Rory a side-hug and another grin. “You’re the best, Gilmore.”

“Second only to you, Ella.”

Glancing over at Jess, Ella rolled her eyes. He leaned against the car, gazing at her. His hands shoved in his pockets, hair gelled up, a leather jacket over his Clash t-shirt. A blush almost rose to her face at the sight of him, but she bit the inside of her cheek and smirked wider instead.

“You need something, Mariano?” she called smugly, and Rory chuckled at her side.

Jess shrugged. “Just didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Oh, how polite of you,” she shot back, then looked over at Rory in askance. The brunette nodded and gave her one last hug.

“Lunch tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Ella replied, gathering up her stuff and shaking her head in disbelief as she approached the car, and the boy next to it. “Where’d you get the rust bucket, Mariano?”

“Whatever, soccer mom,” he retorted.

She narrowed her eyes at the insult to her station wagon. “You’re on thin ice. Where’d you even find this?”

“Gypsy sold it to me. Not so pretty, but I got a good deal.”

She nodded, placing her hands on the back of his neck and lacing her fingers together. His arms came to rest around her waist. Ella glanced back around him to the car. “Ah, I wouldn’t write her off too quick. She’s got good bones.”

“Wait to look on the bright side, blondie,” he said, kissing her cheek.

“As in my hair or as in Debbie Harry?” she asked, expectant. “There is a right answer.”

Jess snorted. “Debbie Harry. How could you even ask?”

“Just checking,” she smiled, pressing her lips to his. For a moment, she was caught up, and the kiss deepened. But then she remembered they were still standing in the center of town, and she pulled away as her cheeks heated up.

Jess chuckled at her blush as she took a step back and cleared her throat, running a hand through her loose hair self-consciously.

“Shut up, James Dean” she warned playfully, narrowing her eyes. “With this car? I think you’ve reached caricature status in public opinion.”

“Don’t type-cast me.”

She continued despite his mock defense, ruffling his gelled mess of waves. “You’ve even got the hair to match.”

Rolling his eyes, he swatted her hand away and pouted, trying to fix his look. “Just for that, I’m not letting you pick the music. And I’m not telling you what we’re doing for our surprise date tomorrow night.”

“What? I wasn’t aware the stakes were so high!”

Jess rolled his eyes again.

Before she could do any more damage to his cool exterior, he retreated back into his driver’s seat. Laughing wickedly, she came around to the passenger side and threw her bag in the back.

“I think it’d be perfectly fine for the date not to be a surprise. Where are we going?” she asked, hoping to lure it out of him.

“Somewhere,” he replied flatly, not phased.

Smiling wider at his secrecy, she threw a glance at the diner over her shoulder as he rolled away from town center. Punk blasted through the radio, and she turned it down just slightly so they could hear each other. Jess shot her a teasing glare, but said nothing about it.

“Y’know,” she said, “I’ve worked at Luke’s for three years and in all that time combined I didn’t make enough money to buy a car.”

“And what are you implying?” he asked, feigning innocence.

Ella only scoffed, taking his free hand in hers. She could feel the scar, where they’d pulled out the stitches.

.   .   .

Nowhere. It had been a long drive to nowhere in his car. But, Ella supposed, nowhere could be a kind of somewhere, anywhere. Eventually, though, they’d made it to Hartford and Jess turned back. The frigid sky was darkening to a deep, late autumn blue, and Luke was adding him to a Saturday night at the diner every time he came home past midnight. Upon arriving back in Stars Hollow, it was around ten, the shops were closed, but Jess didn’t want their time to end. Away from town, he felt lighter, easier. Everyone wasn’t watching him. Ella wasn’t the doe-eyed princess like Rory, and she didn’t have overbearing parents like Lane, but the townspeople still looked at him with plenty suspicious eyes when they walked hand-in-hand out in public.

Instead of Luke’s, where watchful figures persisted, they landed in Ella’s bedroom. He felt his muscles relax at the scent of lavender, sitting on her bed and leaning his back against the muraled wall. She laid next to him, shoes off but still fully clothed, atop the knit blanket. Joni Mitchell played a mournful tune over her turntable. Her candles were alight, and Jess would have felt sleepy if it weren’t for the book in his hands. Jess devoured A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, another gloomy tale (shocking) Ella had given him. She said she always read it around Christmastime, and he was beginning to see at least once reason for her Grinchy tendencies. And Ella held Anna Karenina in front of her. It was not her first foray into the Russians, but she had never been too thrilled with them. Jess seemed to believe this one would win her over. A few chapters in, and she doubted it.

“Jess?” she asked as the clock ticked nearer to eleven.

“Hm?”

“Are we gonna have sex?”

Choking for a second in surprise, Jess cleared his throat. He scoffed out a chuckle. “What, like, now?”

Ella laughed, shoving his arm playfully. She sat up and faced him, flushed and anxious, though her voice was even. “No. For one, my dad’s still awake. But, I just mean...we do pretty much everything up to having sex, but we’ve never had sex. We’ve been together for almost three months. I just figured we should talk about it.”

Shutting his book, Jess crossed his arms over his chest. “Has anyone ever told you that you have a talent for subtlety?”

She rolled her eyes. “My bluntness is at least half my charm.”

“‘Charm’ is a pretty strong word.”

Launching a teasing pillow at his face, Ella giggled. “I’m trying to be serious here, Mariano.”

“Okay, sorry. Go on.”

“Okay. So...sex.”

He bit his lip to fight off a smirk. “Yes?”

“Well, have you had sex?” she asked.

“Yeah. There was one girl back in New York. Tara. She was nice, I guess. But it wasn’t a Nora Ephron type deal or anything.”

“You like Nora Ephron?” she interrupted, brows furrowed. Not incredulous, only perplexed.

He narrowed his eyes momentarily but ignored the interjection. “I dated her when I was a freshman and then she moved to Albany. Then, your best friend Shane-”

“Fuck off.”

“Not a chance. But, the answer is yes.” Then, after a pause, he furrowed his brows. It occurred to him what a gray area that part of her past was to him. “Have you?”

She nodded. “Hm-mm. A couple times.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling shyly at the way he tilted his head. There was no judgement in his voice. “Right after my mom died, I went to a couple parties...Well, not parties. They were more like get-togethers. Anyway, I got super stoned. This kid Brian smoked with me and we just sorta…did it. There were a couple more parties that year. Rinse. Repeat. Eventually, I started working more and just stopped going.”

“And you never-”

“No, never got together with him,” she answered before he even had to ask. “I never had a ‘relationship’ with anyone. Never had sex with anyone else. It was a good thing, though, I think. Being with him. At the time, I felt so shitty. For just a little while, it made me feel better. He’s a nice kid. Plays for the marching band. Sometimes sex is just sex, y’know?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Jess agreed. “But...with us?”

Running a hand through her hair, Ella felt her insides flutter at the look he gave her. It was almost….open? Not quite, but almost. “Well, do you wanna have sex with me?”

Swallowing dryly, Jess nodded and hoped he didn’t appear as flustered as he felt. “Yeah. Yeah, I do...Do you wanna have sex with me?”

“Yeah,” she said, nodding casually. It felt odd, talking so frankly with him. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it was exciting. Would it feel different with a boyfriend? She bet it would.

He cleared his throat, doing his best to hold her hazel gaze. “Good, then. That’s good.”

“I think it is, yeah.”

Bringing a hand to his shoulder, she pulled him in for a short, sweet kiss. And Jess’s heart felt light, relieved. Sometimes, Ella was challenging, she was complicated. But, when it was just the two of them, without all the noise which surrounded their daily lives, it was just so easy. And he could remember no other person he’d ever felt so at home with, who understood him so completely. And when she pulled away, he could still feel the ghost of her lips on his own.

“Alright, I’ve got to finish this chapter,” she said, grabbing her book again and shifting next to him, her back against the mural and her head coming to rest on his shoulder. When she cracked open the pages to her marked place, Jess following suit, she sighed. “This book is excruciating. Why would anyone read this recreationally?”

“You really wanna talk excruciating, Stevens?” he wagered, eyebrows raised as he looked down at her. “Need I remind you of Finnegan’s Wake? And don’t even get me started on this so-called Christmas book.”

“It is a Christmas book,” she argued, gesturing down to the Betty Smith novel in his hands.

Jess shook his head. “Just because Christmas happens in a story doesn’t make it a Christmas story. This is the Godfather debate all over again.”

She sighed once more. “You're never gonna convince me The Godfather isn’t a Christmas movie. Give it up, James Dean.”

“Only like fifteen minutes of that movie takes place at Christmas, my god, how many times-”

.   .   .

Just before official closing, Luke came back from Doose’s with supplies for Thanksgiving to stock the back room. The diner was to stay open on Thursday, and Luke would feed traditional turkey dinner to whoever stepped through the door. The past two years, Ella had worked all day, eating with Luke, Lorelai, and Rory during down times. The year before, she’d also gone to her aunt’s house following her shift to see the kids. But, with Fiona moved in and engaged to her father, the obligations had changed drastically. She was still working the morning shift, but was due home no later than two. Her older brother was coming, along with her aunt, her aunt’s husband, and her nieces.

Cleaning the counter with lemony disinfectant, she watched her boss trudge through the diner with heavy bags to the stockroom. Luke declined her offer to help carry things, as she had known he would. Instead, she was to keep closing.  The clock ticked rhythmically on the wall, and the anxiety for the approaching holiday mixed in her stomach with excitement and pleasant nerves for what the evening was to hold. Jess had slipped out the door around lunch time with the blue vest in the pocket of his leather jacket, telling her he’d be back around nine. And he still wouldn’t budge and tell her where they were going for their ‘secret date.’ But it wasn’t as though she didn’t know why. He hadn’t been able to treat her during their first date, and every date since had been more of a casual hang-out, or a mutually-arranged affair. He still wanted to show her what was, in his opinion, the first date she deserved. So, she wouldn’t argue too much. When the bell over the door sounded, Ella smirked before she even looked up to see him.

“Ready to spill your guts, James Dean?” she asked immediately as he came and sat at the counter in front of her.

Jess scoffed. “Eager much?”

“Jackass much?”

He rolled his eyes. “Are you almost done?”

Nodding, Ella threw the rag in her hand into the dirty bin below the counter. She could hear Luke rummaging around in the back still.

“Hey Luke?” she called.

He came out with his hands on his hips, baseball cap in its rightful place as always. “Yeah?”

“I’m finished out here. Alright if I clock out?” she asked.

Luke eyed his nephew suspiciously, who looked back at him with his usual smug smirk. “Only if Walmart’s favorite stock boy doesn’t keep you out too late.”

The expression fell on Jess’s face and was replaced with furrowed brows, mouth set in a thin line. He’d managed quite a many few months keeping the secret from Luke, until he’d got his car. It was only after Luke accused him of prostitution that he finally came clean. And the teasing had been relentless ever since.

“Don’t worry,” Ella said, smiling as she went to the kitchen to clock out and hang her apron.

With Ella out of the room, Luke pointed a finger at his nephew and took on an accusatory stance. “No drinking, no smoking, no-”

“No drugs, no five-dollar street corner sex, I got it,” Jess interrupted begrudgingly.

Luke grunted in annoyance and rolled his eyes, but said nothing more as he went around to the cash register and started to close it out. Emerging from the back, Ella smoothed her hands over her simple black dress, then pulled her sleeves down over her hands nervously. Suddenly, she wondered if she wasn’t dressed for wherever they were going. She wished she had asked earlier.

“Okay, time to spit it out,” she said, rounding the corner of the counter and grabbing his hand to pull him up. They walked towards the door and she donned her peacoat, taking her shoulder bag, emptier than normal without all the school contents.

Jess smirked. “But what if a blindfold is part of the plan?”

“No fucking way.”

“Hey!” Luke piped up from the register at her language. The attempt at scolding was half-hearted, though.

Rolling her eyes with good nature, Ella followed Jess out the door. “Sorry. Night, boss.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Luke said with a small smile, waving a dismissive hand at the two kids.

Once outside, Ella could see her breath in the night and she was glad she’d worn her thick black tights. Her Doc Martens crunched the orangey piles of dry leaves noisily as they descended the front steps and made their way across the street to Jess’s car. Before they could get in, though, Jess stopped in his tracks and turned to her, leaning against the car doors.

“I’m waiting,” she teased, eyebrows raised impatiently.

After reaching in his pocket momentarily, Jess went to tuck a strand of hair which had fallen from her low bun behind her ear. Then, he revealed a set of ear plugs in his hand, and Ella’s brow furrowed though her smile widened in nostalgia.

“What’s up, Houdini?”

“Figured you might need these. Since we’re going to see the Distillers and all.”

“Are we?” she asked, taking the earplugs from him.

Nodding, Jess brought the tickets from his pocket and held them up for her to see. She broke out in a grin.

“Not bad, Mariano.”

“Yeah, I know you’re more into melancholia, but you were listening to my CD the other week. So, when I saw they were coming to Harford, I figured...” he trailed off humbly, shrugging. “And we’ve been together almost three months and I still haven’t seen those famous Eleanor Stevens dance moves.”

She chuckled, flushing slightly. He could smell her rosemary scent as she leaned closer and rested her hands on the back of his neck. “Don’t know if you’re ready for that. They’re deadly.”

“In more ways than one I’ve heard,” he quipped.

“Shut up,” she said. “This is awesome, Jess. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

And she brought him in for a kiss, smiling into it. Jess could feel his shoulders release their tension. He hadn’t known if she’d be happy. They were one of his favorite bands, and he’d heard rumors of their coming to town when she’d chosen them as her angry music weeks earlier. Though he wasn’t big on signs, he thought maybe the universe was telling him to share the experience with her. Let her in. It didn’t make him any less nervous, though. It was always there in the back of her mind, that worry she would realize what everyone else in the town already had. That he wasn’t good enough for her. But as he felt her hands in his hair, warmed by her touch in the cold November air, he couldn’t help but forget his fears for just a moment.

.   .   .

Mid-morning light streamed through the small window into Ella’s cramped bedroom. Her cacti sat on the dresser, soaking up the sunshine, as Jess and Ella slept soundly on the mattress. Wearing a big KISS t-shirt, Ella turned over in her sleep and faced Jess, his arm draped over her tightening slightly. A shirtless Jess lay beneath the whitish blanket next to her, snoring softly. His jeans and t-shirt were strewn near the bed, along with Ella’s dress. Still pumped full of adrenaline after the concert, Ella had crept through the house the night before to make sure everyone was asleep, then snuck Jess through her window. And their first time together was even better than she’d imagined. Sweet and a little awkward and wonderful, reminding her almost of their first kiss months before. And, afterwards, they’d stayed up talking for hours, with a fair amount of teasing from Jess over the t-shirt she’d decided to wear to bed. KISS was perhaps her biggest guilty pleasure.

Upon a soft knocking on Ella’s creaky white door, Jess began to stir. He cleared his throat and rubbed at his tired eyes before fully waking, becoming aware of his surroundings. Then, a voice came from the hallway outside.

“Ella? Fiona wants to take us to Doose’s to get Thanksgiving stuff!”

Sitting up slightly, Jess saw Ella was still deep asleep.

“Elle? Wake up,” he said, shaking her shoulder gently. It took at least thirty seconds before her eyes finally fluttered open.

“Hm?”

“You gotta wake up. Someone’s at your door,” he said quietly, hastily. Another knock sounded on the wood, and Jess glanced up, biting his lip.

Taking in a sharp breath, Ella nodded and her hazy eyes blinked harshly awake. The knocking on the door was persistent now, and her brother called her name a couple more times. She gestured for Jess to move to the corner near the dresser, out of view of the door, as she rushed over to open it. Poking her head out, she kept the door almost shut so only her face could be seen.

“God, Adam, knock louder, would you?” she snapped tiredly.

Adam took a step back at her irritated tone, squinting behind his glasses at her behavior. “It’s not my fault you’re too lazy to get up on time.”

“Didn’t realize we had an appointment scheduled,” Ella shrugged, trying to make her tone lighter.

Shrugging back, Adam began to walk off. “We’re leaving for Doose’s in fifteen.”

“Fine,” she grumbled, shutting the door loudly as he walked away.

“Wow, you’re not a morning person,” Jess remarked, a sardonic twinkle in his eye as he spoke from behind her. When she looked back, he was almost fully dressed already, buckling up his belt. “I gotta get back. Luke’s gonna be pissed.”

“Oh, fuck, you’re right,” Ella sighed, running a hand through her messy locks. She didn’t know why she hadn’t thought about it sooner. Sometimes Jess seemed so independent, so out on his own, she forgot how much Luke had invested in taking care of him.

Jess only shrugged. “My fault. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’ll tell him I was reading at the lake and just dozed off.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she said immediately, shaking her head.

He came over to her and put an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “It’s fine. He’ll be less mad at both of us. Win-win.”

“You think he’ll buy it?” she asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“I have my ways.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever, James Dean.”

Chuckling, he pecked her lips and took one long look at her. Before he could help it, or worry about feeling stupid, he smiled down at her. Crooked and sincere. And Ella smiled back.

“I had a good time,” she said.

Jess nodded in agreement. “Me too. The best of times.”

Sighing lightly, she rolled her eyes. “How do you always manage to bring up Dickens?”

“It’s a gift and a curse.”

And even after he pressed one final kiss to her lips, disappearing out the window and down the street, she couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off her face.

[puckngrind]

Skating Lessons part 21

Summary: Christmas prep with Mason. 

Warnings: Swearing, foreplay, the usual...

Word count: 2131

Series Masterlist

“Where are we going so early?” You almost whine as Josh loads Mason in the car.  Knowing he has to be tired from his game the night before.

“Its a surprise.” Josh smirks at you as he leans over Mason to buckle him up. He jumps in the driver seat and hands you your coffee that seems to have appeared from nowhere. “Drink me!” He jokes as he starts to drive. He heads out of Columbus and towards the country.

“Josh?” You draw out his name with the question of where your drive was taking you.

“Look familiar yet?” He runs his hands down to yours like always.

“I know. I know.” Mason chimes in. Your eyes dart back towards your son who has his noses pressed into the window and his hand in the air.

“Really?” Your eyebrow goes up.

“Let’s see if Momma can figure it out, kay?” Josh chuckles and squeezes your hand.

Your eyes move back and forth as Josh’s watch gives directions that you cannot see. You finally get to the exit and it looks familiar.

“Are we going to our Christmas tree farm?” Your voice raises at the realization. This was the tree farm you’ve grown up going to. Since Mason you have always gone with your parents and clearly never paid attention to the route.

“Yeah Babe. I asked your dad where to go. With my long road trip coming up I wanted to make sure we got a tree up.” He brings your hand to his lips and kisses lightly.

“So Jingles can come back!” Mason’s voice was excited.

“Who is Jingles?” Josh questions in the sweetest tone.

“My elf. He comes to help Santa! Jingles comes when we are ready for Christmas.” Mason’s excitement for the season oozing out of every word. You look at Josh’s face and smile taking a mental note to explain the whole Elf on the shelf concept to him when little ears aren’t listening. “How’s Momma going to walk around the tree farm?” Mason turned his attention to the winding country road Josh turned on.

“I already thought of that.” Josh eyes Mason for a split second in the mirror and shoots a look at you.

“Of course you have. Perfect example.” You whisper while Josh shrugs his shoulders and turns into the farm.

Opening your door you inhale the smells of evergreen and cinnamon that dance in the air. The family owned farm has always been your favorite and the bonfire they throw scraps of tree on with cinnamon sticks makes every memory of cutting down a tree come rushing to your brain. “That’s smell is heaven.” Josh breaks your trance and pulls you toward him for a hug.

“Smells like Christmas.” You breathe in deeply.

“So Mace, can you handle the wagon and I got Momma?” Josh turns to Mason and he nods in agreement. Josh dressed Mason this morning and you realize as they stood there that the two have on the same buffalo plaid shirt that coordinates with your green one. The warmer Ohio day meant forgoing the heavy coats which your ice loving boys seemed to enjoy. “Ready?” Josh looks at you with that part sinister part loving look you are all too familiar with. He turns around and dips down so you can get on his back.

“Are you giving me a piggy back ride?” You question and Mason laughs.

“At least until we get out to the trees.” Josh looks back and smiles at you. “Come on Babe! There is a tree to find!” You shake your head and do as your told. As promised, Josh puts you down in the Canaan fir section of the field and disappears like Mason. “How tall is your celling?” Josh pokes his head from around a 10 foot tree.

“We normally get an 8 foot.” You hobble over to where your boys were standing behind this tree.

“Not what I asked (y/n).” He raises his hand up to see how tall it was compared to him. “This one will fit.” Josh looks down at Mason and then you.

“True. Plus it has a nice shape.” You eye your boys excitement and pure joy that matches.

“So can we get this one Momma?” Mason runs around the tree and collides into your side. Josh puts up a hand to steady you.

“It does look like the perfect tree.” Your smile reaches your eyes as you look down at Mason and up to Josh.

“Well let’s document this shi...stuff.” Josh pulls out his phone and props it in the limbs of the tree next to where you were standing. Kneeling down he pulls you to his knee and Mason stands in front of him. Using his watch he clicks the camera mode. “Okay, on three.” Mason counts and you all three smile.

“And this is why we are matching eh?” You look at Josh as Mason runs towards the wagon. Josh just kisses you while you remain on his leg. Your hand reaches up to cup his face. “Thank you.” You breathe out while standing up.

“For?” Josh stands and pulls you into his side.

“You know...being perfect.” You nudge him and he laughs.

Josh takes the saw and blanket Mason retrieved from the wagon and gets down to cut the tree. Mason lays right next to him and you couldn’t resist taking too many pictures of the cuteness.

“Timber!” Mason yells from under the tree as it falls to the ground.

The whole process was a turn on. Josh looking like a lumberjack and easily cutting down the tree. His attention to details like dressing all three of you the same and having Mason help in the tree finding process. You quickly came back to reality when Josh and Mason placed the tree on the wagon and Josh picked you back up. Mason’s little muscles pulled the tree back to the front and you took the distance to kiss Josh’s neck and whisper in his ear.

“Can we talk about how hot you look right now?” You kiss his neck again and Josh squeezes your legs.

“Oh really.” You cannot see his face but you know his smirk is plastered on.

“Oh yeah. Cutting down our tree. Making sure to take a picture of the three of us. Letting Mason help. Looking the way you do. Anderson, you make me weak.” You pop up from his back and place a kiss on his cheek.

“Noted.” Josh chuckles as you reach the tree shaking and roping area. Josh carries you back to the car while the tree is being prepped. He and Mason head back to pay for and retrieve the tree. You see them coming back. Mason with two hot chocolates in hand and Josh with the tree on his shoulder. You press your thighs together at the sight.  He was so damn sexy in his plaid carrying a giant tree with ease.  

The drive back was filled with Christmas songs and Josh playfully running his hands up and down your leg while singing loudly.

You have never put a tree up so easily in your life.  You remember your parents did not argue much but the putting the tree in the tree stand was maybe the one thing that stressed everyone out.  Josh placed you on the couch, had Mason hold the door, put the tree in the stand and with one hand steadying it with Mason’s help he tightened the eye hooks with ease.  

“Did that just happen?”  You sipped your coffee and looked up at Josh.   “What?”  Josh’s puzzled look was adorable.

“That was...impressive.  Now let’s see this tree!”  You wink at him feeling the heat in your cheeks as he grabs scissors and cuts the tree free.  

Mason and Josh retrieved your Christmas boxes and the three of you started to decorate the tree.

“Josh, does your house need a tree?”  Mason yawned out after placing his favorite Stinger ornament at his eye level.

“Nope.  I’m not there much these days and I only had a small fake one the last few years that sat on my counter.”  Josh leaned down to Mason’s level.  “I’m glad I can help with a real tree this year.  It’s what I grew up with.”  “In Canada is Christmas different since you are closer to the North Pole?” Mason yawns again and both you and Josh laugh a little.

“Well I grew up near Toronto which is super close to the US but my parents always made sure we got to bed early since Santa was so close to us.”  Josh stands up and holds out his hand.  “Let’s get you to bed so Jingle can come.”

“Jingles, but we aren’t ready for Christmas!”  Mason whined.

“Baby, Josh and I will finish.  Promise.  Jingles will be here in the morning.”  You kiss him and Josh takes Mason to bed.

Grabbing your favorite ornament from when Mason was born you try to reach up to get it higher on the tree when Josh’s hands grabbed your hips.  

“Fuck you look gorgeous standing in front of this tree.”  He whispers and lifts you up to place the ornament.  Spinning you around he looks deep into your eyes.  “Christmas looks good on you (y/n).”  Josh holds your face and kisses you deeply.  

“Same babe but can we finish the tree first and get the elf out?”  You say breathlessly.  

“Yeah, but I’m not promising to behave since the little dude is in bed.”  Josh kisses down your neck and your breath catches in your throat.

He lived up to his lack of promise.  Josh’s hands were up your shirt, his lips on your neck and lips, and picking you up to spin you around while singing Baby it’s cold outside.  You did get the tree finished and Josh hoisted you onto his shoulder to place the angel at the top.  Sliding you down his body you feel the electricity between the two of you.  He stops and holds you so your faces are parallel.  Wrapping your legs around him careful not to get your boot in the way.

“This road trip is gonna kill me.”  He groaned and kisses your lips.  

“You and me both but at least this damn boot should be off by the time you return.”  You knock it into his ass.  

“That’s going to be amazing as hell.  Plus there is always phone sex.” Josh chuckles and attacks your neck.

“Joshua!” You playfully act offended. “It’s five days right?”  

“Yup.  For the 12 day roadie in March you might just have to sneak in my luggage.”  He pulls back to look at you. 

“Babe.” You move your hand to his face and he drops you slowly down to the ground.  “it’s your job.”

“Yeah, and it won’t last forever then I’ll be retired in my 30s and bugging the hell out of you.”  He laughs and pulls your body into his.  Josh always eluded to the future but never quite so directly.  It made your stomach flip with anticipation.

“Josh.”  You aren’t sure what to say but he kisses you where the words fell.

“Now let’s talk about this elf?”  His eyebrows move up.  “Where exactly to you keep this said Jingles?”  he laughs and you two make your way to the secret closet that Mason never gets into.  You place Jingles in a coffee cup with three packets of hot chocolate, a candy cane and sprinkle marshmallows over the counter.  “So let me get this straight...the elf is to check in on you for Santa but he’s a naughty elf?”  Josh watches from his lean on the counter.

“Sounds about right...all the other parents do it...peer pressure.” You laugh.

“Now can we go to bed?” Josh whines and makes his way to you.  “Because I’m gonna need some motivation to head out in the morning.  And you’re sexy ass has been hard not to pin to every wall I can find.” He growls loudly and lifts you up.

“Shhhh...” you giggle.  “You aren’t getting anything if you wake up Mace.  Plus, you were the tease today with your lumberjack-ness.  I had to control myself all damn day.” 

Josh has a look on his face that you know well and quickly makes his way to your bedroom to toss you gently on the bed.  

“Sure you aren’t too tired from all your heavy lifting today?  Tree, me, tree, me...” You bite your lip and Josh crowds your space.

“Fuck no.  Want me to show you?”  He grabs your ass and you know you are in for it.  “Why would my baby want a lumber fucking jack when you can have this?”  Presses his body into you and you feel yourself melt under him.

[adrenalineguide]

Fiat 500X Sport: It’s sexy, it’s nimble, it’s…

Words and Pics By Michael Hozjan

Canadians can say arrivederci to the Fiat 500 as it has been axed from our shores. It may have been agile and a hit to drive, especially the Abarth rendition, but the small three-door hatchback was hungry for fuel and way too pricey. None the less permutations of the Fiat line continue and if you you’re looking to get away from the same old same old squarish compact suvs and crossovers, you can’t get any rounder or different than Fiat’s 500X. Guaranteed you won’t loose it the shopping mall.

Fiat’s all-wheel-drive 500X subcompact crossover went through a refresh last year, adding a new Sport trim model in the process. Differentiating darling of the group, from the other three trims are 18” wheels (the 19” units on my tester are a $575 option), body colored door handles and fender flares as well as new, cleaner, front and rear fascias with LED lamps. Adding flare to the Sport moniker are twin chrome exhaust tips and new for the 2021 color pallet, Rovente Red.    

It’ll cost $32,245 to get into the entry level Pop version which includes a rear back up camera, 7-inch infotainment screen the usual Apple CarPlay and Android Auto along with Bluetooth connectivity. Like the Trekking and Trekking Plus the Pop rides on 17” wheels. At $33,245 the Trekking adds automatic headlamps with cornering fog lights, quilted cloth interior, deep tinted glass and a 1 year subscription to SiriusXM sat radio. The top of the line Trekking Plus at $34,245 will get you pampered with heated leather front buckets, a premium Beats 8-speaker sound system (also available on lesser trims), navigation, and park assist. 

All four trims share a new 1.3L, DOHC turbocharged engine and platform architecture with the Jeep Renegade Trailhawk. The new mill incorporates the latest iteration of MultiAir technology valve-actuation as well as engine stop-start technology. The result is a peppy four cylinder that develops 177 horses and an impressive 210 lb.-ft. of torque driving the four wheels through a nine-speed automatic. Sadly that’s where the European (and even more so the Italian) touch disappears, as there is no standard tranny available.

Interior

The Sport is as appealing inside as it is outside. Continuing with the Sport motif are aluminum-faced pedals, a thick, flat-bottomed steering wheel and well-bolstered buckets. Cloth seats are standard, but my tester came with the optional Alcantara inserts with red piping. Nice touch, there as comfortable as how good they look.

A new instrument cluster with easy-to-read graphics is among the interior’s upgrades and is the centerpiece of a well-executed, uncluttered dash. The steering wheel mounted controls are large and easy to manipulate.  A mode selector knob on the center console gives the driver the ability to select one of three settings depending on road conditions. The 7-inch screen is easy to see, even on the sunniest days. Every 500X has two USB charge ports at the bottom of the center stack.

There’s a two fold advantage to the Fiat’s design and the high seating position; the large glass, gives you an unobstructed view all around and excellent front and rear head and shoulder room. Two full sized adults wouldn’t have any issues in the front, even on long trips, but I could without the round bolster at the bottom of the rear bench. The Sport’s interior touches are tasteful and worth the $500 premium over the standard Trekking.

Cargo capacity is low, even for a subcompact SUV with just 14 cubic feet of space behind the rear seats and 32 cubic feet when they're folded.

On the road

This Fiat is another one of those vehicles that you don’t need gobs of horsepower to have fun. It’s the perfect vehicle to go scurrying about town in stop and go traffic. The 500X is peppy, it may not be the quickest wagon in the segment but driving enjoyment is far ahead of most of its competitors. The Fiat's suspension is comfortable for highway cruising and with the wheels pushed out to the corners, our pothole infested roads and highway seams go almost unnoticed. It could use a little more stiffening to make lakeside curves more enjoyable and add some sport to the equation.

Oh and yes it is more fuel-efficient than the 500. I averaged an impressive 8.4L/100kms. While this may not seem like calling up Guinness Record book people, it was far better than what I got with the smaller 500 a couple of years back.   

I do wish manufacturers would stop NOT giving us spare tires. The 500X comes with a two-tiered floor in the back and granted, it is nicely finished. Compressed air, or miniscule compressors do little when you’ve bent a rim hitting a pot hole or had a blow out in the middle of nowhere on a dark stormy night. A donut sized spare is available for $295 and that does not include the tow eye, another $95 option. Ouch!

 The Achilles heal

At this point you’re probably asking how much. The base Sport starts at $ 35,700 adding the 19” wheels (see above) the Advanced Driver Assistance package ($1,795) which includes adaptive cruise, auto high-beam, blind spot, full-speed forward collision warning, lane departure, lane keep and rain sensing wipers, the Cold Weather Group ($495) includes heated front seats and wiper de-icer,  nav ($700), and the Alcantara seats ($895) brought the tag up to $40,200 not including freight, dealer prep.

As enjoyable as my time behind the wheel of the 500X Sport was, justifying 40 large for a subcompact SUV is hard. The Fiat is as much a fashion and design statement as well as telling people who you are. Is it worth it? You be the judge.