#anything. I think that was the problem for the past while is that the things I had delegated as my Main Focuses That Go Above All Else

[ellieputellas]

can you write roommate!alexia smut

caught in the act | a. putellas x reader

— You catch your roommate Alexia touching herself to your photos.

tags: roommate!Alexia, barçaB!reader, smut, masturbation, mentions of fingering, mention of age gap, a bit of degradation and dirty talk, not proofread 🔞 wc: 2k+

Alexia hated having you as a roommate.

It wasn't because of the fact that you had a bad habit of putting off washing the dishes until the next morning; she learned to deal with it and wash them for you whenever it did bother her. It also wasn't because you were always watching Netflix past midnight, at full volume while she tried to get enough sleep for early morning training the next day, fully knowing the walls between your rooms were paper thin. She's learned to fall asleep to the sound of Brooklyn 99 or whatever American TV show you were addicted to at the time. It wasn’t even the fact that she’d have to set her alarm at least 30 minutes ahead of the usual time she’d wake up just so she could force you out of bed so you could both attend your respective training sessions on time.

Instead, she hated how oblivious and clueless you were to how she felt about you.

Just now, there you were in the living room watching a dumb show on Netflix as you simultaneously swiped on Bumble. She hated seeing you looking at other girls, or even getting all dolled up for dates with other girls.

She knew your type. You liked tall, fellow athletes with great style. She wondered why you never noticed her when she fit your type so well. She rolled her eyes at the sight of you fiddling with the dating app and just wanted to return to her room but you already noticed her presence.

"Hey, Alexia." You said calmly. “Come over here.”

She sighed. "Yeah?"

"What do you think about her?" You said as you chewed on the chips you were loudly snacking on. (That was another thing Alexia let you get away with — snacking everywhere and anywhere leading to a mild ant problem.)

Alexia sat beside you on the couch and leaned in to look at your phone. It was someone from Levante’s B team. Alexia frowned. She had to admit. This girl was undeniably hot with her tattoos and fit body but she knew she looked just as good as this player. If not that, she sure as hell was a better player. That should have been some merit to her.

"She’s okay..." It was all she could say to you. She didn’t want to come off as the jealous roommate.

"Really? I kinda think she's smoking hot." You said with a confused look. “She’s the hottest player I’ve played against on the pitch.”

Alexia rolled her eyes and wanted to make a snide comment but let it slide.

“She asked me out after we switched shirts after our match, and I smelled her shirt and it smelled good as fuck.” You shared, making Alexia roll her eyes again. “Plus, she’s taller than I am and you know how that’s my type… but our texts have been stale and boring as fuck.”

Alexia shrugged and tried to focus on the show you were shamelessly ignoring already. “Then just don’t go out with her.”

You sighed. “Yeah… but there is this rookie footballer I matched with on Bumble, she plays for…” You continued to tell Alexia about the other girls you were talking to but she just didn’t give a fuck.

She didn’t wanna know anything about the other girls you were seeing while she’s been into you for so long.

"Anyway, can you help me pick photos from my weekend trip with Emma? She's so great at taking photos that I feel like I have to make two separate posts on instagram just to include all of my hot photos." You said before giving your phone to Alexia. "Just swipe through them and heart all the photos you like."

As soon as she grabbed your phone, she felt her body heat up. The first photo of you was you in front of the pool with your arms up, laughing gleefully. You were wearing the tiniest bikini with a bra top just big enough to cover your nipples and that incredibly skimpy underwear.

All Alexia could think about was pushing them to the side and fucking you hard with her fingers.

Alexia blinked. "You're so...." She couldn't find the words. "Naked?"

You laughed at the older woman’s reaction. "That's all you could say?"

Alexia ignored you, completely fixated by the photos of you. Alexia liked the first photo and proceeded to swipe. The second photo was you with your back turned, exposing your ass. Alexia could feel her mouth salivate as the dirtiest thoughts entered her mind. She kept scrolling, admiring every curve and crevice of your body. She loved the way your boobs spilled over your bra and the way your thong rode up your ass and accentuated your perfect hips. She loved your collarbones but she loved the thought of marking them with her mouth more.

She was practically liking every photo, unable to think objectively of what works on Instagram or whatever. She loved seeing you this exposed.

"You never dress like this usually." Alexia commented, still going back and forth with your photos. She was pretending to be analytical with your photos but her mind was just filled with obscenities.

You huffed. “You only see me in a kit or here at home when I dress like a slob. You don’t know what I dress like.”

Alexia furrowed her eyebrows. “I’ve seen you get dressed up for dates. You’re not usually so…” She shook her head. “Whatever. I never would have imagined you’d like wearing something so tiny.”

Alexia had to swallow as her mouth had been watering at the sight of your photos. You chuckled, oblivious to your roommate's reaction. "Well, you would know that I actually do love tiny swimwear if only you went swimming with us more.”

Alexia took a mental note to say yes to every opportunity to see you in a skimpy bikini. "Still, you never post stuff like this. You only ever post game photos or food photos. This is just out of character for you.” She added on. "You must be posting to impress someone, huh?"

You furrowed your eyebrows and rolled your eyes at her. "I feel like I’m just more grown now. Like, grown enough to post more skin.” You explained. “Besides, can’t I post for myself?”

Wish you would post for me, Alexia thought.

You looked over at Alexia who was still looking through your photos. "God, what's taking you so long? Mesmerized by my tits?"

"You're so cocky." It was all Alexia could say as she blushed. She felt like it was so wrong to be thirsting over her younger roommate like this but she couldn’t help it. You were exactly what she wanted.

You chuckled. "I told you. Emma took really good photos of me! I know I look hot in those."

You looked through the photos Alexia liked and realized the only photos of you she didn't like were the ones where you were covered up. You stifled a chuckle. "Okay, I guess I should post these immediately since it would be so selfish of me to deprive the world of these photos any longer."

"So arrogant." Alexia scoffed under her breath but unbeknownst to you, it turned her on. She loved it when you got all confident. It made her want to praise you and degrade you at the same time. "I'm going back to my room to review some things for some brand deal. Text me if you wanna order food or cook for dinner later."

You absentmindedly nodded as you typed up the perfect Instagram caption and chose the perfect thirst-trap song to go with the Instagram post.

Alexia headed back in her room and immediately pulled out her iPad, refreshing her Instagram feed incessantly. "C'mon, c'mon..." She muttered under her breath. "Just post already."

Finally, your post popped up.

Alexia felt like she couldn't breathe as she was finally able to get a better look at them through the bigger screen. She was finally free to zoom in to your perfectly shaped tits without worrying you'd see. She bit her lip.

It was almost a built-in instinct or bodily response to her the way she immediately positioned herself in front of her iPad; she wasted no time. She propped the device on her bed, blasted a song loud enough to mask her noise, swiftly took off her bottoms, and eventually, guided her hands to feel her own slick with her fingers. She was soaked already just from seeing you.

"Fuck," She muttered as she began rubbing herself, looking at the photo of you on her device. She wished she could have a gigantic TV screen just so she could see more of you at a bigger scale. She wanted to be overwhelmed by the sight of you — to be consumed by your beauty.

She rubbed her clit in circles as she kept her eyes glued on the screen. She cursed again. She thought about your tits. She wondered how they'd feel in her hands. She wanted to feel the softness against her rough and imposing hands; she wanted to know if that kind of touch would make you whimper. She wondered what colors your nipples were and how they'd look and feel... and taste. She so badly wanted to push her tongue against them.

Her legs shivered as she imagined taking your breast in her mouth, sucking on it mercilessly as you moaned under her.

In reality, Alexia was alone in the darkness of her room — her tanned skin illuminated by the sole source of light from her device that blasted music to mask her grunts and the obscene sounds of her wetness.

But in her imagination, Alexia was in your room on top of you, sucking on your breasts as she positioned her knee against your core. In her imagination, you loved to beg and whine. So there you were, underneath her, squirming as she sucked on your nipple and used her hands to play with the other one. She just could tell you were the sensitive type and the idea of you almost teary-eyed due to sheer pleasure caused by her made her even wetter.

She opened her eyes once again to catch a glimpse of you in that one photo where you had a serious face as you slightly bent over. She groaned as she caught sight once again of the flesh of your boobs pressing against the fabric of your bikini. "Fucking whore." It escaped her mouth in a grunt.

In her imagination, you were dressed in the same skimpy bikini. She had your bra cups pushed to the side to grant her easy access to lick all over your boobs, leaving the occasional mark whenever she desired.

"Please, Alexia." She could practically hear your voice say it. "Fuck me now."

Alexia plunged her fingers into her cunt, causing her to grunt loudly as she pumped in and out of herself as mercilessly as she would have with you.

She was fixated on the thought of her fingers thrusting so hard in and out of you that your tits jiggled with every thrust. Alexia somehow felt you were the type to moan loudly, grab your own tits, and beg to fuck her deeper.

"Alexia! Fuck me!"

"You want me so bad, huh? You fucking slut?" She groaned under her breath, almost breathless and winded from how rough she was fucking herself. "I'll fuck you so hard, you'd go stupid."

"Alexia, harder! Please!" The imaginary voice in her brain told her. It felt so realistic

"Yeah?" She called out your name, almost in the form of an animalistic grunt. "You fucking want it harder? You a fucking slut for me?"

She increased the speed of her thrusting, causing her to moan loudly in succession. "Fuck," She said, followed by calling out your name. "Tell me who you belong to."

She pumped in and out of herself, causing her to convulse in the building pressure inside her. Her eyes were shut close but the photo of you in your bikini was permanently burned inside her mind.

"I belong to you!" Her imagination called out.

"Say my name then." She groaned.

"Alexia," It sounded so soft and gentle.

"Louder." She growled as she imagined that it was your pussy she was roughly thrusting into. Her legs shook uncontrollably as she felt herself approaching orgasm. “Say it.”

"Alexia?!" It was practically an exclamation. It felt so real that your voice echoed in her ears.

As Alexia opened her eyes, she was met by the sight of you standing at the door of her room with a shocked face. Almost immediately after, Alexia moaned out loud as her orgasm arrived.

It took half a second for her to realize that she wasn't imagining it anymore. You were there, standing and watching her fuck herself while her obnoxiously larged iPad displayed a photo of you.

"Oh shit." She was in trouble.

a/n: not proofread. part 2 anyone? (also thank u for ur requests!)

[sh0jun]

MC telling the warlords they need to see a therapist. ESPECIALLY NOBUNAGA!

How would they react to that 🤔

OMG HI

XD yes they definitely do need therapy qwq

Telling the warlords they NEED to see a therapist

Their first question to this statement would be, "what the hell is a therapist?"

After you explain what a therapist is and that you've already booked a lesson for them meaning they HAVE to go there (because they cannot say no to you). Weapons are not allowed during the session.

• Oda Forces

→ Nobunaga Oda

• oh? Interesting.

• the therapist and he will have an interesting talk to say the least.

• obviously he isn't really going to answer any of the therapist's questions. Well not a straight answer anyways

• will scowl every time the therapist manages to figure him out

• in the end he doesn't open up to the therapist and instead challenges them to a battle of Go.

→ Hideyoshi Toyotomi

• ends up helping the therapist

• that's it

• he listens to the therapist's problems and tries to help him the best he can

• somewhere during the session he will confess his undying loyalty to Nobunaga

• Therapist tries to tell him to value himself more

• the therapist almost gets punched

• how did things go there? I think you can figure it out

→ Mitsuhide Akechi

• another one who doesn't open up to the therapist

• they both actually have a.....competition? They both counter attack each other by asking questions

• this goes on for a WHILE a long long while

• of course Mitsuhide won. But he tells the therapist he enjoyed the session

• no he's not coming back again. The therapist got way too close to figuring him out.

→ Masamune Date

• ends up crying and confessing anything mid way through the session

• idk why. I see him as someone who would do that

• anyways he will also boast about his cooking, Shogetsu and MC

• will invite the therapist over to lunch

→ Ieyasu Tokugawa

• doesn't want to go.

• what do you mean he's going to help me with my past traumas? I don't want to go

• he's like a cat when you try to take them to the vet

• very grumpy and salty throughout the session. Would not give a straight answer to any of the questions

• would leave midway through the session

→ Mitsunari Ishida

• sunshine. Angel. Not even 5 minutes into the session and the therapist knows what his problem is

• he will try his best to help out this angel

→ Keiji Maeda

• no.

• refuses to go.

• doesn't want to risk getting caught. He will dissappear once again just to leave the session

→ Ranmaru Mori

• also ends up crying and confessing

• this is the only one so far with whom the session has gone smoothly

• Uesugi Takeda Forces

→ Kenshin Uesugi

• he was already upset because his weapon got confiscated.

• points a knife at the therapist when he touches a particularly delicate subject

• where did the knife come from? No idea.

• someone needs to stay in the room (MC) to calm him down

• will need many more therapy lessons but the therapist has refused to attend any more sessions with him

→ Shingen Takeda

• flirts with the Therapist

• either charms the therapist or gets kicked out

• even the therapist tells him to lower it down in the sugar intake

→ Yoshimoto Imagawa

• therapist tries his best to keep up with Yoshimoto

• but over time he gets lost

• he will also probably get kicked out

→ Kanetsugu Naoe

• another one who has a hidden knife

• actually talks pretty formally with the therapist

• the therapist already kind of shaken up by the incident with kenshin approaches the subject pretty cautiously

• surprisingly enough Kanetsugu cooperates

• success!

→ Yukimura Sanada

• does he need therapy? I personally think he doesn't

• maybe he does but not as much as the others

→ Sasuke Sarutobi

• I don't think he needs therapy

• he does but not many sessions

• very cooperative

• sits through the Sessions with others to calm them down in case they decide to attack the poor fellow doctor

• Lone Forces

→ Kicho

• doesn't want to go

• he was already traumatized enough. Why must he approach the subject again

• will be cooperative as in will not point any hidden weapons at the therapist

→ Motonari Mouri

• he just dissapears

• you won't see him at the sessions at all

→ Kennyo

• reluctantly agrees

• reluctantly cooperates

• would go in meditative state sometimes just to avoid some questions

Thankyou for reading!

I tried to add them all in this one! But some of them are a little shorter than the others as I have no idea what they might do qwq

Taglist:

@bakersgrief @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @mollycoddle707 @bontu-the-l0ver @ludivineikewolf

[pholla-jm]

SUPERHERO

IMAGINE: SUPERHERO~ SATORU X READER FEAT: MEGUMI genre: fluff warnings: none. maybe spelling errors. not proofread. gn!reader ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Who is your favorite superhero?’ 

The question on the paper taunted Megumi as he stared at it. 

Megumi barely watches shows or reads superhero comics. He tried to think of anyone or anything in his life that he considers a superhero. 

With an annoyed sigh, he stuffs the paper into his bag. Pushing the question to the back of his mind, and deeming it a future problem. 

His teacher announces that it’s time to go home and that the parents were here to pick them up. 

Megumi knew exactly who would be outside, and he could already feel the annoyance creeping in. 

When he walked outside, he could already see the tall white haired man. He stuck out like a sore thumb in the crowd of parents. What he didn’t expect was to see a smaller companion standing next to him. Both of the adults were smiling at him; Gojo giving him a mischievous smile, and his companion giving him a warm and welcoming smile. 

He was almost reluctant to walk to his now guardians, but he was really happy to see you. One of the only ones he can stand nowadays. “(y/n)!” He says, legs moving faster so he can welcome you with open arms. 

“Megumi!” You respond, returning his welcome ten folds. 

“Awe, why don’t I get a welcome?” Gojo pouts with his arms crossed. 

He was looking down at the younger boy, but Megumi didn’t care. 

“You don’t get one, old man.” 

Gojo gasps at his words. “But (y/n) get’s one? And they’re the same age as me!” 

Megumi lets go of you, and turns to Gojo. 

“(y/n) isn’t annoying like you.” He says and grabs onto your hand. He drags you to the side of the car he usually sits at. Right behind the driver seat. Right behind Gojo, but he can see the person right in the passenger seat- you. 

“I’m not annoying.” Gojo mutters while walking to the car as well. “I’m not annoying, right (y/n)?” He asks you. You purse your lips and give him a side eye. 

After helping Megumi into his seat and making sure he’s comfortable, you close the door, shooting Gojo a look. 

‘What?’ He mouths. “You know.” You respond before going over to the passenger side of the car. Gojo sighs, muttering words of how unfair things were. He steps into the car, eyes immediately fluttering over to Megumi, then back at you. 

He knew exactly what you were talking about, but was that going to stop him? No. Absolutely not. 

The three of you arrive at the estate shortly. Megumi immediately unbuckles, and hops out of the car already dreading about doing his homework. He knew that he would be sitting in the chair for hours. 

“Go ahead and get started on your homework while I cook dinner.” You say while patting the tap of his head. 

Megumi nods his head while you start to chat with Gojo. His eyes straying longer on you rather than Gojo. 

The light bickering and laughter causes him to roll his eyes and walk past the both of you. 

When inside, he places his bag down and fishes out the paper that needs to be finished. 

‘Who is your favorite superhero?’ 

It seemed so simple. He could honestly lie and say Ironman or something like that. But he would have to write a couple sentences about why that is his favorite superhero.

“Gojo Satoru! I swear if you throw one more thing at me, you will get no sweets tonight.” 

Megumi’s ears perked up hearing your raised voice at Gojo. He hears a small thud, soon followed by a dramatic gasp. 

“Hey, turn off your infinity! It’s not fair.” 

Gojo only laughs which in turn annoys Megumi. 

But as he hears your laughter joining him, Megumi finally realizes something. 

His favorite superhero… is you. (L/n)(y/n). 

You were one of his favorite people. He didn’t know why, but he sure does now. 

Megumi starts furiously writing on the paper. He wanted to get all of his thoughts out before they were lost. 

“Hmm, let me see what you’re doing.” Megumi hears Gojo's voice and he jumps a little bit. He was so engrossed doing his homework, he didn’t even hear Gojo’s footsteps. 

He is quiet for a few seconds while reading his work. A smile graces his face. “I don’t know if I should be offended or not.” Gojo says. 

“It’s not about you, so I don’t care how you feel.” 

“But my name is written down here.” 

“Cause I’m explaining how (y/n) is the only one that can handle you. Anyone that can handle you is a superhero in my books.” 

You walked in while Megumi explained this. And you laughed. 

“Oh, Megumi,” you say while walking over to the boys. “It’s very sweet of you to think of me as a superhero, but I’m not handling him.” 

Megumi tilts his head, a bit confused. 

“I’m with him because I love him for who he is. Even if he does have a big personality… it’s what I love about him.” Gojo grins as wide as he could at your words. “Awe, I love you too, sugarplum.” Gojo says while leaning down to capture your lips for a split second. 

You giggle, “even if his nicknames are next level horrendous.” 

Gojo pouts at your words, while Megumi’s stomach churns in disgust. 

It wasn’t disgusting like he'd just seen something gory. It was a disgust, like two parents showing affection to each other.

[ren-144p]

Seconding started with a pin with my whole chest!! That one is SO dear to my heart. Below a few personal favorites to add to the list. Please mind the tags on these :) As mentioned, early Zaundads fandom skewed dark and messy.

the last drop / what was and wasn’t and silco and vander / tales of a knife by revelisms

Last Chance by Blue_Daddys_Girl

There's only one way their story ends, Silco knows. Yet still in their last moment alone together—their first in so many years—he offers Vander one last chance.

it is snowdown by zevlore

It is Snowdown in the undercity, and the snow is soft and grey and slushy, and she is uncomfortable in her skin. Four vignettes into Vander's life.

hit count by ducky (conscious_mess)

An attempt to flesh out their backstory. (Relationship breakdown drabble that got out of hand. Still counts as drabble because they "become sodden by movement through muddy water", so ~nnnyehh~)

Silt Verses by JeanLuciferGohard

Pump 47 is failing. It’s water to their waists now, slick with Fissure-filth and sucking grime. Vander huffs shakily, squinting up the mineshaft like anyone’s coming. “Never thought it’d be like this.” Silco barks a raw, ugly laugh, head lolling back against the rock. “That was always your problem,” he says, “lack of vision.” You learn a lot about a man when you're both about to die underground. Or: Faith is a young man's game. Silco's old before his time. Character Study.

For enjoyers of more light-hearted things, I remember having a great time with these:

Warmth by BiCaptain

The worst part came when her dads came face to face with each other.

The Fluffiest Little Murder Boyfriend uwu by Fiddlezips

Silco is a Yordle. He stands just taller than Vander's thighs, which is a generous comparison. His fur is short, fluffy around his long ears, and grey beneath the dirt. “Zaun Gray” is how he describes it, and his small mouth twitches into a smirk each time.

And for those looking for Zaundads of more smutty variety:

Cage Match by Zkyfall

Life since Silco moved out has been Hell for Vander. Trying to juggle his job with suddenly being primary caregiver for the girls, all while wrestling with the guilt that maybe the separation is all his fault. The stress is killing him and he doesn’t even have his favorite go-to outlet: fantastic sex with Silco. When Vander sees an ad for an app-controlled cock cage, he's intrigued. Finally a way he can get his submission fix, even without his favorite Dom! What could possibly go wrong?

To break new ground by Rimeko

“Now,” Silco adds, “I don’t want your apologies, but I do want your dick. So can we do just that, or do I have to fucking gag you too?” Ahem. Reconciliation sex? Zaundads bingo event: Edging

i'm breakin' a sweat (i think i need some ventilation) by zevlore

“You,” Silco pants, practically gasping for air as Vander continues his assault on his exposed collarbone, hands deftly sliding the rest of his and Silco’s clothes off, “are insatiable.” Silco's been spending too much time working. Vander convinces him to take a break, among other things.

Locked by IAmANonnieMouse (and the following Denied and Freed)

Vander isn’t that strong. If left unchecked, he’s selfish and insatiable, unable to think of anything but his own pleasure. That’s why he needs someone like Silco to keep him in check. To lock him away and throw away the key.

Useless by Fiddlezips

Silco is used to disappointment. After all, his plans—whenever they involve Vander even a little—do have a tendency to fall through.

Unfortunately back in the day I was not utilizing AO3's bookmarks nearly enough so I know I am missing a ton of good ones. New folks should absolutely go out and explore the Silco/Vander tag on their own because I remember there were a lot of incredible fics around these past few years!

Either way, happy reading! It's nice to see the ship getting traction again :)

Anybody want to create a quick quintessential Zaundads fanfic rec list?

I was away for a long time between seasons, so I probably missed a ton but those are some of the longer/meatier ones I remember, particularly one of the more fix-it category.

While the World Turns Around by Blue_Daddys_Girl

In a chance meeting Vander sees Silco for the first time since the fateful day he's come to regret so deeply. Silco has changed—they both have. Vander can't stop thinking about him.

Reconciliation AU by Rimeko

If the cannery scene went down differently, if Vander got thrown into Stillwater with Vi instead of (maybe) dying, and if Silco eventually got them both freed. What, then? What to do with the ruins of what once was? How to deal with love and betrayal and everything that went down in the meantime, and how to move forward.

Stillwater Marriage by Alishatheninth

AU in which Vander does not insist on having one last pipe, therefore gets out of Benzo's shop before Silco has Deckard kill all the Enforcers. Vander decides there's really little to be lost by simply handing the reins to Silco. Silco has to deal with a slightly different set of challenges, and does so in his own, slightly deranged, way.

started with a pin by bloodinthewine

Silco doesn’t expect to find anything extraordinary when he accompanies his daughter to her first Pride parade. Vander, an infamous and experienced leather daddy, finds him anyway. (or The Leather Daddy AU) 

And just some personal favorites of mine that I remember:

underground utopia dynasties and dystopia by leonshardt, which I think is the original prostitute!Silco stories.

Old Griefs and Childrens Faiths by GoddessofRoyalty, an A/B/O story which always made me hope for a parent!trap style story where Powder tries to reunite Silco and Vander

There are some mores that I love, including some smut ones, but everybody please mind that season 1 Zaundad fandom often skewed more dark, messy and angsty.

Anybody else have any favorites? Any other popular fics I missed? If somebody was joining late, what would you recommend to them?

[vikenticomeshome]

Great God Grove: Patience's New Relationship:

Minor spoilers for the speed dating section of Hobbyhoo below the read-more. Proceed at your own risk.

Godpoke, the mostly blank slate of a player character, is tasked with being the Matchmaker at the Soul Cricket bar's speed dating night. They match the three candidates, and then they are given one final task by the owner of the bar, Patience.

She loves to tell stories about all sorts of mundane things, which can last multiple hours. She has worn out the patience of humans and gods alike. She believes that she is the ultimate challenge in match-making.

The solution to this puzzle is to take some words from Styella:

"It jewst makes me smile to spend time with yew"

Sometimes words played back by the Godpoke are seen as coming from the original speaker. Good examples are speech from the Gods. In other cases, like this one, words played back by the Godpoke are seen as coming directly from the Godpoke. It is left ambiguous as to if they can speak with their own voice, or if they are mute.

Patience takes these words to heart and immediately falls for Godpoke. But, did Godpoke really mean what they said? Or did they just say what they needed to say in order to get the romantic light bulb and proceed with the story?

Of course, Godpoke is the player character. For the most part, their personality is determined by the player. With characters like this, we have one major way to determine a canon personality. We look at the options that they don't have. These are the things that the canon Godpoke would not do.

For example, Godpoke doesn't beat up the gate guard to leave Hobeyhoo early. The gate guard is refusing to do his job and open the gate to BuzzHuzz because "Oh partner mine" has been boring lately. Dude, the apocalypse is imminent, and I need to get to the Spire. Get over it. Also, while they bonk Da Bizzyboys on the head in self-defense, they don't go further than necessary. They don't pull out a Big Iron or anything like that. They also don't suck up the animal barricades, like Kondle's pigs or Cara's birds, to clear the way, even though Megapon is capable of doing it. They also don't just stral the romantic bulb. They talk things out instead.

None of that confirms whether they were being genuine with Patience though. Godpoke can just hurl insults, bad advice, or lies with Megapon after all. There's probably no way to confirm it either way. So, I'm just going to assume that they meant it.

So, what does a relationship between Godpoke and Patience look like? Well, Godpoke still has their work traveling all over the Grove for mail delivery and resolving people's commujication problems. Patience still runs her Soul Cricket bar.

And when they spend quality time together, Patience has her long stories about all sorts of mundane things. The key word here is "mundane". If Patience has a problem, she gets to the point. She didn't tell a four hour story when she needed Godpoke's help as a matchmaker, after all. But, if Patience wants to tell Godpoke about all of the dogs who went past the bar that day, then she can drone on for hours.

I think these stories would be quite soothing. The Godpoke isnt facing an apocalypse, transporting large loads of mail, or struggling to find just the right words from one person to resolve another person's problem. All they have to do is get out of their work clothes, get into something more comfortable, snuggle up to Patience's chest, and listen to her talk. Megapon doesn't even need to come into it, since they wouldnt need to grab strategic lines. I also think that Godpoke would find her voice very soothing as the stories start to blend together, especially with their head in that position

After a long day, it is likely that Godpoke would fall asleep during Patience's stories. Now, would Patience be upset over this? I don't think so. Her problem was that people would get sick of her long stories and push her away. But then, Godpoke stuck around to listen and cuddle. I think she would really love the idea that Godpoke found her voice so soothing and relaxing that they fell asleep in her arms.

And then, she adds in some physical affection, while never missing a beat in her stories. She gives them forehead kisses, scratches their back right between their shoulder blades, kneads their hands and feet, gives them light tickles, etc. It's all about finding what kinds of affection Godpoke enjoys receiving. She manages to find several of their weaknesses. And then, her evening stories become a game. How quickly can the combination of her soothing voice and her probing those weak points melt Godpoke's brain and send them to sleep? Meanwhile, Godpoke tries to stay awake as long as possible. They also try to give some physical affection in return to help Patience relax, which she absolutely loves.

However, it gets to the point where Patience's voice is near-hypnotic ASMR for Godpoke. They tend to lose the game, and it isn't even close. They both get a lot out of it. Patience gets to cuddle and tell her companion stories. She gets to watch Godpoke slowly turn to mush under her hands and voice. And Godpoke gets plenty of soothing affection, followed by the deepest, most restful, sleep.

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

What if, at the end of Ozzie, Blitz accepted to Stolas's propose to stay with him at the palace and spend some time together non sexually?

I'm....not actually sure on this one! My best guess would be that they'd both get a bit tipsy, Blitz would make some sexual attempt....and Stolas would probably turn him down because that's genuinely not what he wants. They'd watch a movie. They'd cuddle. They'd get along really well because ultimately they do. They fit together very nicely when they aren't struggling with communication or trying to put on an act they think the other would like. Blitz would be having a quiet meltdown. I think it would, eventually, come to a head- Blitz demanding to know why Stolas isn't pushing for sex, calling him out on what he thinks was hiding behind his menu in shame, and probably a much needed discussion would be had- if at least half in argument form. I see a lot of tears, a lot of kisses, and probably Stolas realizing a lot of where he's gone wrong. I don't think we'd seen Full Moon levels of blow-up but I do think Blitz would probably be spooky and prickly if Stolas admitted that he was starting to want to get to know Blitz better or be closer to him. I see falling asleep on the couch together until Loona called- at which point I'm not sure we'd get quite the same situation as we get in Queen Bee- though probably similar, with Blitz now having more of a freak out over the realization that Stolas is Getting Attached and that he....doesn't mind at all.

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[joltai-showa]

The entire post is getting kinda long, so I am gonna start using breakline

Whenever I come across anything Ikemoto produced, I get a very strong feeling that this guy desperately wants to do a spin-off series for JJBA, not Naruto: weird poses, bizarre clothing choices, etc etc. Only this man manages to forget that he is still doing a sequel to Naruto, so all of his artisric choices end up clashing with an already established setting and style + let's be honest this man has none of Araki's creativity and skill, so we end up with pure dogshit that belongs neither to Naruto nor to JJBA.

Sarada kind of encapsulates everything wrong with Ikemoto's design choices. I've actually come across a video discussing Boruto's clothing and there was a heated debate regarding whether clothing in Naruto was period accurate (Boruto fans were declaring that there is nothing weird about modern day clothing in Boruto, after all, Naruto wasn't keeping up with it in the first place). But the actual problem is the fact that Boruto's designs have none of the defining feature of Naruto's clothing - its utilitarianism. People in Naruto wear comfortable shit, they wear things in which they can fight, ranged fighters and assassins can show more skin, while close quarter fighters wear vests and other protective measures. Meanwhile Boruto characters have so much useless shit on their persons one might think they are on their way to a nightclub where a fashion party is taking place. Seriously, it's fucking ridiculous, me and my friends compared Kishimoto's and Ikemoto's designs for, I believe, Sakura and Sarada, and I shit you not Ikemoto's have like twice the items of clothing compared to Kishi's.

And I also believe that bizarrely revealing attires for young girls might also be something Ikemoto picks up from JJBA, however in Araki's case a 15 year old looks like a 25 year old + the characters act and look older than they are due to a pretty rigorous timeline that JJBA has and tries to stay true. Ikemoto, on the other hand, has this weird Bratz (is that the name of those dolls? no idea) like style that makes all of his characters look like 8 year olds which only exacerbates the issue.

I'm not gonna comment on any of Boruto's... "twists". Seriously, I like to keep myself away from that thing, I have no idea how Boruto fans manage to unironically say "BROOOO NOOOO IT'S GETTING SO GOOD, JUST GET THROUGH LIKE 80 CHAPTERS, THE FINAL TWIST IN PART ONE IS HYPE🥶🥶🥶🥶" and you look up and it's the single worst piece of shit you've ever had the misfortune to read.

Thanks for your compliments. Deidara has a lot of tiny things scattered around the canon material + for a secondary antagonist he got pretty lucky with the time the plot dedicates to him (which is, well, unsurprising, considering he's been the most popular Akatsuki member that doesn't have "Uchiha" in his name since his appearance at the beginning of Shippuden, so Kishi and Jump have to take that sweet sweet merch money), so a lot of pretty interesting thing about his past can be unearthed. And I don't think that's really strange that Hidan and Deidara, being children of the Third Shinobi World War, have similarities in their past. For all of its flashiness, Naruto does try (at least at certain points) to be an anti-war story, and unsurprisingly that many characters born during these large scale conflicts would share certain experiences regarding the horrors and losses they have suffered when they were young and most vulnarable.

I've seen a comment from @hidansbabygirl regarding timeline stuff, so decided to share some things that I have regarding Hidan and what is known of him on the timeline of the events in Naruto

However, the start of Hidan's life corresponds with some pretty major things going on in the shinobi world, so we actually need to start elsewhere to establish some important facts regarding that, so, with that said, let's take a look at...

Kannabi bridge mission.

Surprising, I know. But Kannabi is very important for establishing when did the Third Shinobi World War ended and, presumably, started. It'll be obvious why this is important a bit later, so let's get into it.

It's actually pretty easy to ascertain the end of the TSWW thanks to the greatest guy to ever greatest guy in history - Obito. Obito is 30 during the events of Shippuden (I believe that the wiki and, likely, the databooks say that he's 31, however having kids in Kakashi's generation have different ages is way too annoying to keep track of + Obito by himself has a lot of events that involve literal fucking timetraveling, so for the sake of my sanity, everyone in Kakashi's generation is 30 during Shippuden). Obito is 13 during the events of Kannabi bridge (as stated in his profile in second databook, I believe?), so we know that between his untimely demise and miraculous ressurection 17 years have passed.

and here's the finale of Kakashi Gaiden. the wording of this page pretty heavily implies that following the destruction of Kannabi bridge, the TSWW ended (considering how many events unrelated to it are going to follow in literally the next year alone, it better fucking did, otherwise Kishimoto is incredibly bad with numbers). So, we know for certain that the end of that particular war was 17 years before the events of Shippuden.

Now let's remember another major date that pops up here and there during Kakashi Gaiden - the failure and subsequent suicide of Kakashi's father, Hatake Sakumo, which took place 5 years before Kannabi. To recap - some sort of important mission, goal vs comrades, Sakumo chooses comrades, mission ends in a failure, everyone hates Sakumo, including the very same comrades, Sakumo kills himself. Now here's the thing - even if Sakumo was compared to Sannins, we know pretty much jackshit about when and where he did missions. We've obviously heard about this mission, and there is also a very interesting fact about him killing parents of another Akatsuki-member-to-be - Sasori. However, Sasori was a very young child when it happened (off Chiyo's memories), and Sasori himself fought and ditched Suna during TSWW, so Sakumo fighting against Suna would have taken place in the previous World War, which is the Second.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is - we know nothing of Sakumo's involvement in the TSWW, meaning that he became a legendary and respected figure before it. And we certainly know that there was some mission, he put his comrades' lives over the mission, mission failed, and everyone hated him. And doesn't that seem like a bit of a... overreaction? Considering that during the plot we see quite a few missions being failed and yet it doesn't lead to shinobi in charge of them to becoming pariahs and ending their lives. Unless, of course... the failure of that particular mission had some absolutely catastrophic consequences.

Here's the part that was purely theorized, however I love this theory a lot and I believe that it actually does an amazing job at explaining the events, so here it goes - Hatake Sakumo's mission that took place 5 years before the events of Kannabi bridge mission was the spark that set off the Third Shinobi World War.

And suddenly the way everyone acts makes a lot of sense. Sakumo chose to save his comrades and know all of them watch as their village and country submerges itself into another worldwide meatgrinder? Yeah, no fucking wonder they started hating him, they are also kind of responsible for shit going down. The village despised him? Yeah, alright, everyone now must prepare for another war with like 3 different Greater Nations and think of how their friends and relatives are going to die, of course they can't stand his guts. Sakumo watches his homeland being engulfed into the fires of war caused by his one decision that went against the rules of shinobi? Oh yeah, no wonder he takes his life, no one's honor ever recovers from setting off a literal World War. Young Kakashi wants nothing to do with his father's name and values, even of it's his only (once upon a time) living relative? I mean, your dad's the reason all the adults in the village are getting their mandatory wartime flashbacks to shit thay experienced back during the Second Shinobi World War and you and your classmates instead of having to catch cats somewhere in the village now have to catch boulders with their faces somewhere on the border between Land of Earth and Land of Grass, of course you're not gonna follow his steps in any capacity.

Anyway, you get the idea. Now that I've explained why I believe the beginning of TSWW is assossiated with Hatake Sakumo, we can see that the war lasted for about 5 years, which is pretty reasonable time for at least two generations to get completely fucked over, so this theory passes a sanity check. Thus, we can presume that TSWW started 22 years before the events of Shippuden.

And, as I am sure you are aware, 22 is a magical number for this post, because Hidan is exactly 22 years old in Shippuden

(while searching for info for this post, I've found the English translation of the databook, so here's a bit of it with the main stuff for Hidan)

Now, all of my previous yapping about the dates creates a pretty interesting picture: Akatsuki members can be separated into three clusters (Zetsu and Orochimaru don't count, didn't care + didn't ask + L bozo + asspull plot twists): grandpa Kakuzu as the outlier that literally predates the shinobi village system, the majority of Akatsuki aged 30-40 aka kids born during the Second Shinobi World War and later fucked up by the Third Shinobi World War, and the three kids of the Third Shinobi World War aka Hidan (22), Itachi (21) and Deidara (19). Who are. You know. Even if they never fought in that war, they are still clearly not okay.

So yeah, one certain thing: Hidan would have been born around the same time as the TSWW was beginning, and, considering that it lasted 5 years, he should, theoretically, be able to remember its last years (the ones that involved sending 13 year olds on the enemy territory on Konoha's side of the conflict, wonderful stuff).

Now we'll be switching to geography because, I mean, how bad could it be for wherever Hidan was born? The answer is - likely pretty fucking bad.

Here's another tidbit from the databook confirming that Hidan was born in Yugakure (the reason why I specifically checked for it was that I was unsure if he simply got his shinobi education(?) in Yugakure or he was actually born there, the first scenario makes things kind of more ambigious; and it is possible, Kushina is an example of someone born in Uzushio and trained in Konoha). Now let's look at the map and see where Yugakure is...

Goddamit it's right in between Land of Fire and Land of Lightining. Literally like the fastest way for either country's army to pass through to fuck up each other. Possibly for Blood Mist too, if they ever got the brightest idea to go fuck up Kumogakure via a land path.

And yes there's no doubt that Konoha and Kumo were fighting in that war (chapter 542)

Ay, Bee and Minato can only be young adults for TSWW + Minato explicitly states that neither Ay nor he are Kage yet, Minato becomes one after the end of the war, while Ay does after his father dies fighting a giant army (figure which village is geographically close to Kumo to pull this) for three days straight. All in all, Kumo and Konoha undoubtedly were against each other during the time Hidan would be learning how to talk and walk, so Yugakure would be stuck between the rock and the hard place.

Which, off the example of Amegakure (granted these poor fuckers are stuck between THREE Greater Nations, and whenever there's a big conflict going on Suna, Iwa and Konoha like to throw the title of "the biggest civilian casualties inflicter" between each other like it's hot potato, but nonetheless) being a small village in this position sucks major ass. Hidan would have been watching his home getting rolled over by Kumo and Konoha repeatedly all childhood, and I think it's pretty safe to say that it's heavily affected him and his hightened interest in all things violent.

And off the paragraph above, we see that Yugakure turned into a resort village after the war ended (this couldn't have happened before or during it, otherwise it raises a question of how the hell Hidan is a shinobi).

(And I love the phrase "all major wars disappeared from the world" - my brother in christ it's been literally just 17 years and everyone's at each others throats again, why is Kishimoto trying to desperately gaslight his readers into believing that it was all bad before but now everyone's in an era of peace, the world is literally in another mid-war period and the world is aware of what these times look like (already happened 2 times))

Ahem. Sorry for going off topic. Now, whether Yugakure stopped being a military center on its own volition due to economic reasons or someone pressured them into demilitarising (once again, there's a pretty big border between the Land of Hot Springs and Land of Fire, and Konoha's got this dude named Danzo who likes having his nose into bordering countries' business, hi again, Ame, and is the literal embodiment of paranoia, considering all of that, such a scenario is possible), the result is the same - Yugakure is now a peaceful village, Hidan is its shinobi who is likely traumatised from the events in TSWW, so he craves some pretty extreme forms of violence. It's kind of obvious why he got tangled with the cult of Jashin.

And then there's... nothing. Literally a blank period. There's no info on Hidan's education as the shinobi (the databook has ??? for this info), Yugakure has no ninja registration system unlike the major hidden villages, so nothing can be inferred off of that, there's some stuff said about cult of Jashin and Hidan being the first successfull immortality experiment, but there are no events corresponding to any of this in the manga or the databooks, so alas, we have no clues what was going on with him before his recruitment into Akatsuki, so let's go into this

Thankfully, there's a bit more on that. Hidan during the six day (jesus christ I really hope Pain, Konan and Obito are paying these guys for the overtime, wtf is that, being stuck with your coworkers for 144 hours) zoom call when they were sealing Isobu and Matatabi argues with Pain and says the following

(chapter 329)

(and yes if you are wondering "hey weren't Hidan and Kakuzu dead by the time Obito and Deidara caught Isobu?", this is one of the prime examples why I don't care for anything stated in the anime, because this is one of the things changed from the original: Isobu is shown to be caught before, I believe, Hidan and Kakuzu even make an appearance, the canon scene for Isobu capture starts with Isobu watching who the fuck woke him up, while Obito and Deidara are yapping as usual before Obito is off to get bullied by this one big turtle for the third fucking time in his life)

Obviously, we know that Tobi joined Akatsuki officially after Sasori's death, during Shippuden events, so Hidan's recruitment would be somewhere before that and literally everyone else in the organization. Konan, Zetsu, Pain were there from the start after Obito took over, Itachi joined 8 years ago (after the Uchiha massacre), I've explained why I believe Deidara was taken 7 years before Shippuden, but obviously it can be anywhere between 7 to 4 years, Kisame would have to be somewhere before Deidara, Sasori would have to be before Itachi (because he was Orochimaru's partner before Itachi came about), Kakuzu could have happened literally at any point after the takeover but before Hidan's joining. So, not much is conclusive here, except that at earliest it would have taken like 7 years before Shippuden.

HOWEVER! There's one scene that actually allows us to establish that Hidan would have been recruited during the timeskip between OG Naruto and Shippuden! And it's everyone's favorite "why the fuck is Deidara upside down on the ceiling" scene

First important thing about Akatsuki: Hidan's figure is very obvious, even during the zoom meetings, considering that he is oftentimes drawn with his scythe. As we can see, no scythe in sight.

But that's not the weirdest thing in this picture. I, as a very sane person, have Akatsuki members' heights saved up (rounded up mathematically), so let's take a look at them:

Kisame 195

Kakuzu 185

Obito 182

Itachi 178

Zetsu 177

Hidan 177

Pain 177

Nagato 176

Konan 169

Deidara 166

Sasori 164

Now, after seeing this data, do you see anything conflicting with it on the picture above?

...

...

Who the fuck is this guy? The guy who is TOWERING above Kisame, literally the tallest known member?

My sanity says that the obvious answer is Kishimoto didn't plan shit, the designs for Akatsuki members weren't finished by that point, so we get this weird shit in the chapters before Akatsuki got revealed. Unfortunately, my sanity does not work as an in-universe argument, so the alternative is that this is actually Kakuzu's partner before Hidan (one of the guys that got killed by him), which creates the following chain of events: Akatsuki have this meeting 3 years before Shippuden, Kakuzu kills this 2.5 meter tall dude, and then the HR department aka Pain, Konan and Obito find this one undying cultist and pair them up because goddammit Kakuzu we don't have time for this bullshit, we need to tailedbeastmaxx.

So, as a result, Hidan joined Akatsuki anywhere from 19 to 22 (and I don't remove 22 from the boundary unlike I did with Deidara because Hidan not knowing wtf Akatsuki's goal is in this particular meeting is pretty wild, considering that Isobu and Matatabi are the fourth and fifth Tailed Beast that they are sealing by this point - Deidara said during the Kazekage Rescue arc that before Gaara they already got two jinchuiki, so 2 + Shukaku = 3 before that meeting - and zero times did Hidan think about asking "hey Leader what the fuck are we cooking here")

And I think that's about all I've got in regards to timeline stuff for Hidan. 0-5 - watches the carnage of the Third Shinobi World War, the next like 15 years are in the fog of war, so we only know that he's got his shinobi education, got pissed at the village, joined a cult, obtained immortality, and then from 19 to 22 he is recruited into Akatsuki.

thanks for joining my Tobitalk for today

[valdotjpg]

hey boss, any thoughts on the upcoming elden ring dlc? ur fromsoft takes are always enlightened

dont quote me on this but i thjnk miquella might be in it.

[fluxedbuds]

this year's yogtober is gonna be 80% lomadia and tango btw. no none of it will be normal

[andromeda3116]

ugh i have a friend who is super into astrology and it's like "mercury is in retrograde this is so terrible!!!" like bro even if planets could affect your life on earth mercury isn't doing shit it's just how it looks in the sky is going backwards because of orbital dynamics it is literally not doing anything different at all it's just vibing

[amugoffandoms]

interrogation questions will be coming back soon! I've been busy/tired so I wanted to take a break from doing anything absikdof

but! I'm on spring break now, so stuff will kick up again ^^

on other news, friends are really cool /pos

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some recent pressed leaves and stuff to add to the collection :0

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[citizen-zero]

After years of my mom obsessing over my hair and forcing me to do various treatments on it and threatening punishment if I didn’t comply. I’ve come to understand why Britney shaved her head that one time. I know that was something she did as part of a mental breakdown but fuck yeah good for her. I get it.

[aria0fgold]

Bro... what happened to my copy of OMORI...

WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT??? I use 2x Resolution, Windowed mode (I have a fear of putting anything in fullscreen). And the last time I played the game, it did not look like that. It looked like that when I booted it up and thought loading a random save might fix it maybe but no.

This ^^^ is an old screenshot from last time I played where there's no unnecessary black void wasting space.

SO WHAT HAPPENED TO IT NOW??? THERE'S A VOID EVERYWHERE! I didn't touch this game for nearly a year bro, I also didn't touch any of my Steam settings so what the fuck is that.