#anybody else remember to the moon?

[finsterhund]

one of many entries into the “yes, video games ARE art” list to me is this little indie RPG maker game called “To The Moon” for being probably the first blatant time in my life where I was exposed to a piece of media that very on the nose conveyed the message of “trying to cure a neurodivergence/PTSD/etc isn’t “a cure” it’s killing part of the person" or whatever. And that is very important message to me with my lifelong childhood PTSD

Okay so basically, I can’t remember if I ever fully played the game myself or if I just watched other people play it but the premise can be basically summed up as “this organization wants to make it so that an old guy gets to experience his lifelong wish of going to the moon, before he dies” and they need to literally manipulate his life’s memories in order to accomplish this. As the game progresses it becomes apparent that the only way to achieve this goal so that he can experience his lifelong dream is by completely wiping the memories of the person he loved more than anything else in the universe. Which, coincidentally, this bond is the only reason why he wanted to go to the moon so bad in the first place. These people, in an effort to give him what he wanted more than anything would have had to literally eradicate the whole reason he wanted it in the first place.

It’s a very sad tear-jerker story and I remember fucking bawling for hours after completion. The game also includes a song written specifically for it and that song for years and years now long after memories of the game itself have faded is still firmly cemented in my “you are the only living piece of a sacred bond that was broken by death” playlist. (don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared for the answers to)

But like, that exact concept is exactly why you can’t “cure” trauma disorders and why “curing” being neurodivergent doesn’t work, and will never work. Because you are cutting out massive parts of what makes you, you. In order to cure CPTSD in particular in this way you would have to eliminate possibly the entirety of your identity forming memories, lived experiences, etc. And any insistence of “curing” something like autism or ADHD would be killing whole processes in the brain responsible for how you and everything you are was formed. When people argue that they want a “cure” for autism instead of a series of adaptive treatments to help autistic people live in our society in ways that are less stressful to us and develop strategies for dealing with things that make having autism so difficult it is actually campaigning for eugenics. You want to kill the autism within your “perfect child that’s been ruined by it” but deep down that “perfect child” doesn’t exist. So many of the “help” that shitty “charities” like autism speaks do to autistic children are just psychological (or even physical) abuse designed solely to beat the autism out of them and force them to submit and hide that they’re different. Because groups like autism speaks don’t want to help neurodivergent people, they want to get rid of us. They exist for the benefit of other people, not us.

For sure there’s other media out there that have conveyed this message probably better or with more tact, but To The Moon hit it so bluntly and on the nose that I keep thinking back on that years later. Pretty sure if I played the game again it’d kill me psychologically.

[undertale-fic-librarby]

Delightful Distraction

A genderswapped FluffyNight drabble to celebrate reaching 300 followers! This was briefly looked over & written in two sittings! Happy reading!

Ccino hums quietly to the music that's playing in the otherwise quiet café & picks up the dirty dishes of the table that had just left, leaving the building free of customers for the time being.

Carrying the plates carefully with both hands, she walks into the back where the kitchen is & deposits the dirty dishes into the sink, already filled with plates from earlier in the day.

Ccino debates with herself for a moment before grabbing a pair of dish washing gloves from nearby & slipping them on. She might as well take advantage of the lack of customers & get a head start on washing up.

Scrubbing away at a dirty cup, Ccino's unaware of a presence approaching her from behind until there are suddenly arms wrapped around her waist, causing her to jump & tighten her grip on the mug in her hand in surprise.

Looking over her shoulder, Ccino glares at the grinning face behind her, huffing in annoyance. "Was that really necessary?" Nightmare lets out a quiet chuckle as she tightens her hold around Ccino, resting her head on the other's shoulder.

"No, but it was funny." She mumbles softly in response to the question, pressing a soft kiss against Ccino's neck in apology. "Will you ever find it in yourself to forgive me?"

Ccino rolls her eyelights & sighs with a shake of her skull, unable to keep the smile off of her face as she turns back to face the sink. "I don't know, what will you do to make it up to me?"

Nightmare hums as she thinks, grin softening into a smile as she tries to come up with a satisfying reply. "I could always make dinner for us tonight?"

Ccino stands straight & pulls away from Nightmare's hold slightly to look at her, a look of panic on her face as she frantically tries to backtrack. "N-No, it's fine! No further apology needed, I'm good!"

Nightmare huffs with a pout, reluctantly pulling away & taking a step back from the other. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

Ccino pauses to take off the gloves she's wearing before turning to face Nightmare fully. "Honey, you know I love you," she takes the other's hands into hers, squeezing them softly as she meets Nightmare's gaze & continues speaking, "but your cooking could use some work."

Nightmare frowns as if she's upset, but shrugs after a moment as a smile forms on her face again. "Yeah, that's fair." She squeezes Ccino's hands in return, leaning in & pressing a chaste kiss against the other's teeth.

Ccino hums as she goes to kiss Nightmare again, unsatisfied with how short the last one was, only to jump at the sound of the bell hanging in front of the door ringing & signaling the presence of a customer.

She pulls away in a panic, adjusting her apron with a light blush on her face as she walks away from Nightmare & back out to the actual café area, calling out to the customer. "Just a moment!"

Nightmare watches as Ccino walks away with a pout, tentacles drooping in disappointment as she hears her begin to take the customer's order. She had hoped to have Ccino's attention for longer, but that clearly wasn't going to happen.

Nightmare looks over at the dirty dishes that she had distracted Ccino from, sighing & grabbing the gloves that the other had been using. She may as well help her darling out a little since she had distracted her.

[slumbergoblin]

unfinished

[transbee]

In sooo so much pain BUT! Downloaded pkmn ultra sun and am having so much fun :)

[paarksunghoon]

FIXED COMFORT | SUNGHOON

SUMMARY: typically, sunghoon’s the one who takes care of you when you’ve had one too many. but once in a blue moon, he lets his guard down and allows you to care for him the way he does for you.

or, the one where sunghoon’s drunk at a bar and misses his girlfriend a little too much.

NOTES: idk I just feel like someone should let him sleep for six months straight!!!

PAIRING: sunghoon x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 4.4K (4444 exactly—she’s a shortie).

WARNINGS: fluff on fluff on fluff.

***

“Hey, do you think you could come get Sunghoon from the bar? He’s been asking for you for the past hour.”  

Jay’s phone call pulls you out from a deep slumber on a Saturday night that falls on a day with no plans other than pure relaxation. Sunghoon had been preoccupied with work and classes this past week and wanted to unwind by drinking at his favorite bar with his closest friends and all you wanted to do was sleep the weekend away. 

Since the two of you started dating six months ago after being friends for a little over two years, you both agree on the notion that you’ve found a good balance between time spent together and apart respectively. Nothing fundamentally changed with the exception of kissing and touching one another in the way a couple would. He still respects your independence and you respect his time away from you as well. 

Sunghoon learned quickly that you’re the type of person who values your alone time more than anything else. When he first started developing feelings for you, grappling with your absence wasn’t easy. He initially thought you weren’t interested in getting to know him the way he was with you because you weren’t afraid to decline invitations and telling people ‘no.’ Slowly, over the course of many months of pining and late night conversations, did Sunghoon learn that you’re typically your best self after a moment of isolation. 

Your boyfriend is somewhere in between an introvert and extrovert. He tends to be shy when he meets people he isn’t familiar with while his loud, rambunctious attitude is typically reserved for those who know him best. He likes to keep to himself for the most part, giving some of his personality away when he feels his walls start to crumble naturally. You love that he has a good head on his shoulders and that he’s able to tell you about his feelings while maintaining an air of confidence. He doesn’t inherently need anybody; he likes your company and will do anything to keep it.

Moments like this are when your heart feels softer for Sunghoon than when the two of you were just friends.

“I know you wanted to spend the weekend alone but Hoon’s been saying your name all night,” Jay says. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“No, it’s fine.” You’re sure Jay can hear your brittle voice. “Are you guys at the bar near your place?”

“That’s the one. Thanks again and I’m really sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t sweat it. Cook me something next week if you still feel bad.” 

“I can do that. Chili oil noodles with shrimp sound good?”

“It’s almost like you know me.” He laughs at your sarcasm. 

“Drive safe.” 

When Jay hangs up, you allow yourself a few minutes to adjust and wake up, stretching your body from the warm comfort of your blankets. You change out of Sunghoon’s shirt to put on pajama pants and another one of his stolen shirts, opting not to take a jacket since you figure you won’t be out for very long. 

You thank your past self for filling up your gas tank before tonight after having put it off for a few days. Knowing Sunghoon, he would still scold you for allowing yourself to run nearly empty before filling it up even if he was inebriated. Somehow, knowing this about him brings a smile to your face.

Sunghoon’s the kind of guy who likes to have some control over certain things. He likes order and structure, often waking up at the same hour every weekday to build a routine his body can remember. He’s been like that since you first met him but you think it’s part of his charm. Even from two years ago, when you met him through Jake Sim, Sunghoon has maintained a level of confidence and control that he does now. On the heels of an impressive skating career before pivoting to focus on higher education, Sunghoon had his preferences and will stick by them. 

His discipline is the first thing you noticed when you met him for the first time. Jay, someone you were already familiar with, agreed to cook dinner with your friend group under the condition that everyone helped him shop and chip in for the meal. Sunghoon held Jake back from buying unnecessary things like boxed chocolate milk and candy because Jay had desserts back at his place. He held a checklist of items whereas the rest of your friends ran up and down the aisles without thinking much about what needed to be purchased.

Sunghoon’s near-meticulous behavior is juxtaposed to your chaotic and rambunctious nature. You often follow your gut instead of setting a solid plan because you’re not concerned with meeting deadlines, sans education. Whereas you tend to lean towards a go-with-the-flow attitude, Sunghoon is the opposite. But that’s something he loves about you.  

At a surface level distinction, it didn’t seem like the two of you would get along as well as you did. It surprised Jake when Sunghoon asked for your number so he could text you about seeing a comedy film with him as no one else in the group wanted to see it. Including you at an impromptu study session with him (Sunghoon was organized and neat while your pens were spread all over and your study methods, haphazard) felt like watching two people clash. 

Rather, you and Sunghoon complement one another. 

The idea of letting himself go with someone who wasn’t part of his friend collective was unheard of. Getting to know a girl who didn’t share similar lifestyles didn’t appeal to him before meeting you, and you’re inarguably the most chaotic person Sunghoon knows. But he finds that there’s order within your chaos—you know who you are and what you want, and you will not compromise yourself just to please other people. 

It’s what Sunghoon loves the most about you. There’s a boundary you never let anyone cross under the assumption that your own safety net feels compromised. He’s watched you lose friends for this same reason and has always admired the way you carry yourself like you know you deserve better than people who disrespect you. He’s witnessed the grace you maintain when people who call you a friend voice words of kindness but speak ill about you behind your back. If anything, Sunghoon feels pity for anyone who crosses you to the point of anger. To be envious of another’s confidence is one thing. To make that known is another. 

Sunghoon learns that you let your inhibitions go because holding control over yourself feels like a burden. It feels like setting a standard you will never be able to meet. He never thought of order in that way before getting to know you. Your approach to life sparked a new wave of emotions within him to the point where he was open and willing to let you farther into his life. 

His days were ruled by guidelines he had to maintain and proper etiquette that followed him even off the rink. The poise he carried from his career on the ice bled into his personal life too. Although, he doesn’t mind that it does. Sunghoon values any form of structure because it makes him feel like he has a purpose and that there’s something to be accomplished at the end of the day. 

Most times, Sunghoon’s feels like people judge him for his regimen and can’t fathom why he appreciates control so much. They tell him to let loose and enjoy his time away from his career. People always think he simply doesn’t know how to have fun because he’s set in his ways and won’t let other people coax him into doing something he’s not comfortable with. But not you. Sunghoon has never felt like you‘ve judged how he chooses to live his life. 

Before he knew it, a year had passed and he started to call you one of his best friends. The friendship was gradual. Sunghoon didn’t have many close female friends in the way he does with Heeseung, Jay, and Jake. You’re the first person since ending his career who hasn’t tried to pry into the why. In fact, Sunghoon enjoys that you didn’t bring it up. 

(You did, in the form of cooing over his younger self skating in competitions for the first time or roasting all of the outfits he had to wear. But somehow, all of your jabs made him feel happier than when people complimented his performance.)

Eventually, being around you felt too right. He loved it when you took naps on his bed and felt comfortable raiding your kitchen pantry without permission. Sunghoon could leave you in his apartment without him being in it and feel at ease. In fact, he started to look forward to coming home to you. All it took was seeing you wear his hoodie because you got too cold and forgot your jacket, to make him drop his bag by the front door and ask you to be his girlfriend. He hasn’t regretted anything with you since. 

The weather is cold outside since it’s approaching the middle of autumn. You let your car warm up and blast the heat all the way up while adjusting your defrosting settings before heading to the bar to pick up Sunghoon. You sift through your playlists and settle on soft indie melodies before you drive away from the curb. 

You’ve never seen Sunghoon get drunk to the point of needing extra help. Usually, you’re the one who goes a little too hard whenever Heeseung brings out the alcohol or if Jake offers an edible or two. Sunghoon likes to sit back and stay sober (or sober up by the end of the night) when he notices you having too much fun. He doesn’t mind, though. Sunghoon likes taking care of you because sometimes it gives him purpose. You’ve never understood that sentiment but to each their own. 

The only times you’ve seen him completely wasted are usually when you’re equally as gone, like on your first road trip as a couple. The five of you rented a lakehouse a few hours from Seoul and spent an entire weekend basking under the hot sun and chose to forget about university stress before finals would inevitably kick everyone’s ass. All five of you were cross-faded (but not without Jay and Sunghoon both prepping water bottles and snacks for when the munchies would hit prior to taking anything). You watched Sunghoon relax to the point where he was much quieter than he normally was and when you asked if he was doing alright, he looked you in the eye and told you he loved you for the first time. 

I always have, I think, he said as he brought your hand to his chest. You might not believe me because neither of us are sober but I swear I’ll tell you in the morning. 

Sunghoon gets affectionate when he’s drunk or high, often to the point of asking for reassurance. The rational side of his brain is temporarily disfigured. You don’t mind being there to tell him that he’s the love of your life and you’d never go anywhere when he gets like this. Although, you’re usually just as gone and gush all of your hidden emotionally-charged feelings, which pair well with Sunghoon’s need for validation sometimes. 

Your friends love your relationship. They don’t think it’s too much or too little, going so far as to take photos of the two of you when you aren’t looking. Some are funny like the pictures of you sleeping on his chest with drool pooling out of your mouth. Others are romantic and whimsical, like the pictures of Sunghoon looking at you like you’re the sunshine to his moonlight. They can’t get enough of you two. Your friends love knowing people they care about are deeply in love with one another and your relationship is somewhat of a reminder that true romance does exist. 

Thinking about this makes your heart swell as you park your car and tuck your keys inside your purse. The bouncer checks your ID and lets you inside the bar, and you already spot Jay off to the side. 

“Thanks for coming,” he says as he gives you a loose hug. “And sorry for waking you up.” 

You wave him off. “It’s fine. I’ve probably woken you up for worse.” 

“Yeah, like the time you and Jake wanted ramen at 3am and wouldn’t stop calling me because both of you got a little too high.” 

“Can you blame us?! You were like, two blocks away.” 

“Yeah, but did you need to eat with me?” 

“Duh. You’re like, the best person to eat a late night dinner with.” 

The two of you laugh as he leads you to the group. You see Sunghoon slumped over the table with his head in his arms and the rest of your friend group tries really hard not to seem too excited when they see you standing next to Jay. 

“Fucking finally.” Heeseung stands and gives you a quick side hug before Jake does the same. “Love you guys and all but he started to become unbearable when he kept showing us photos of you.”

Jake snorts. “Poor guy was almost about to cry.” That makes your heart soft. 

“He looks so cute,” you coo, tilting your head to savor this moment. It’s abnormal for you to be the sober one but you’re starting to understand why Sunghoon doesn’t mind taking care of you when you’re like this. 

Jay comes to stand next to you. “He’s not cute when he drank half his weight in alcohol and wouldn’t shut up about how pretty your hair is.” 

“What, do you don’t think my hair’s pretty?” The messy, unbrushed hair is enough to make the guys laugh. 

“Nah seriously, thanks for coming,” says Jake. “We felt bad calling you but he refuses to get out of his seat.” 

“It’s fine.” You wave him off and step closer to your boyfriend, who still hasn’t moved from his position. 

“Do your thing and we’ll be here if you need help bringing him to the car.” Heeseung smiles gratefully at you. 

Even the back of Sunghoon’s head is unfairly gorgeous. His hair always looks nice, although you credit that to his younger sister introducing him to a world of hair care products during his skating years. It feels soft to the touch as you stroke the back of his head until Sunghoon slowly comes to. You feel his body start to stir.

“Baby,” you say quietly, bending down until you’re next to him. “Wake up for me.” 

“Hm?” Sunghoon mumbles from his arms. He feels the sensation of your fingers carding through his hair and pulls himself from the table, wiping the spit from the corner of his mouth before realizing you’re standing next to him. “Y/N?”

“I’m right here.” 

He pulls his head up until he’s sitting upright in the booth, squinting up at you to adjust to the bar lights that disappeared when he closed his eyes. Your boyfriend looks so innocent like this. He looks at you with a wide, round gaze as if you’d appeared out of thin air and he’s trying his hardest to figure out how you’re standing in front of him. 

“Is it really you?” Sunghoon asks in a quiet voice. His tone makes your heart flutter and you reach your arms out until you’re cupping his jaw and rubbing the pads of your thumbs over his cheeks. Sunghoon melts into your touch and you feel his body start to relax. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, bug. Did you have fun tonight?”

He nods in your hands, “Mhm. Just tired now.”

“Jay said you were asking for me.” 

“I always ask for you.” Your cheeks heat up and you try to ignore the snickers from behind you. 

“Why don’t we go back to my place, yeah? You can sleep in my bed instead of this bar.” 

“Can we? I love the guys but I just missed you.”

“Simp,” Heeseung whispers before coughing into his fist. 

Sunghoon stands from the booth once you’ve taken a step back to give him the space to move. He’s surprisingly able to stand on his own and clutches onto his jacket as he makes his way to the door. 

“Sorry guys,” he mutters to the guys. 

“Yah, it’s fine,” Jay says as he waves Sunghoon off. 

“Get home safe,” Heeseung says as he opens the door for the two of you. Sunghoon waves behind him until you guide him to the car. 

“Can you put your jacket on for me?” You catch it in your hands after he nearly let them fall from his grasp. 

“Shit, sorry.” You watch Sunghoon put on one arm and then the other. He looks so childlike in this moment as he concentrates his hardest to put the jacket on without stumbling. 

It reminds you that he doesn’t show you this side of him often. Sunghoon, ever the poised individual who likes to know what’s ahead of him, has let his inhibitions down. Seeing his figure slowly push his body through the warm fabric has you biting back a smile. 

“Need help?”

Sunghoon looks down at his hands that are trying to zip his jacket up to no avail. He feels like his hands are too big and the zipper is too small. “Please.”

Your steady fingers cover Sunghoon’s and take over the tedious task. The metal is warm from his fingertips. You can feel him looking down at you and you temporarily fumble with the zipper, which makes him laugh.

“Silly,” he mutters. “Ah, fuck. I don’t know if I can open the door.”

You roll your eyes and open it for him. “You’re funny.” 

He slides into the seat as gracefully as he can without hitting his head on the roof. Sunghoon struggles, but manages to buckle himself in and grins up at you when he hears the click of the buckle. When you look down on him, the lamp post from above casts a soft glow on his face. He looks so youthful at this moment. Sunghoon has let go of his thoughts and couldn’t think about anything but the present moment even if he tried. 

He waits for you and mumbles about how cold it is when you turn the engine on. The warm air starts to uplift his spirits and he looks at you with us head pressed to the headrest.

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”

“What?” you ask. “Why?”

He shrugs. “Dunno. Usually I’m the one taking care of you.”

“You don’t always have to be brave, you know.” 

Sunghoon doesn’t say anything. He reaches out to envelope your hand in his and squeezes it until he’s holding it loosely in the quiet of the evening.

“I love you.” 

Your heart blooms. “I love you right back.” He seems satisfied with your response and lets go of your hand so that you can drive back to your apartment. 

When you park on the curb, Sunghoon’s sober enough to unbuckle his seatbelt and wait for you to turn the engine off before opening his door carefully. He steps outside and leans back on the car door until you walk around the hood of the vehicle and grabs your hands to pull you into him. 

You feel his lips on your before you register what’s happening. He tastes faintly of pineapple soju and beer, and his mouth is warm. Despite his inebriated state, Sunghoon’s able to hold you between his hands as he moves to place them on your hips to balance your body after you’ve stumbled into him. 

The kiss itself is slow. In fact, it feels as though Sunghoon has slowed time around so that the two of you could enjoy the late night kiss uninterrupted. You can barely hear anything besides the ringing in your ears after being caught by surprise due to your boyfriend’s abrupt movements. Your mouths move in slow tandem and Sunghoon nearly pushes his tongue inside your mouth before pulling away to rest his forehead against your own.

“My baby,” he whispers against your lips before giving you another quick peck. 

“You are so cute.” You blurt out this confession like you’re still pining after him. “Let’s go inside, yeah?” 

The apartment is warm compared to the environment outside and Sunghoon slips off his shoes in favor of wearing his designated slippers. He doesn’t let go of your hand the entire time he does so, letting you pull him into the hallway until the two of you reach your bedroom. The hardwood floors feel better than the uneven pavement from outside.

He loves it here. It’s a sanctuary away from his apartment with the friends he will probably invite to his wedding. But something about your green comforter and hand-painted artwork adorning your walls makes Sunghoon feel like he would live by your side for the rest of his life. The scent of your room–warm peaches and vanilla–tugs at his heart strings. This is where he belongs. 

Likewise, you love seeing Sunghoon behave like this. It’s not commonplace for him to let people take care of him in the way you are now. He’s used to people looking out for his career and best interest but he struggles with allowing others to handle him with such care. After a decade of enduring harsh criticism and physical endurance, Sunghoon struggles to relax and allow others to take the reins. It’s partially why he loves taking care of you. Being able to provide that kind of love and support makes him feel wanted and needed, even if you tell him he’s more than enough a thousand times over. 

You leave him in your room to change his clothes taken from his designated drawer while you prepare skincare and the works. You hear him shuffle outside and fall onto the bed once, prompting you to hold your laughter in as you wash your hands and pull out hair clips for him to use. 

“I can’t lie,” Sunghoon says as you emerge from the bathroom to see him in a big t-shirt and pajama bottoms, “I’m really looking forward to you doing my skincare.” 

You snicker and pull your desk chair into the bathroom. “Now you know exactly how I feel every time I beg you to do mine when I’m drunk. Sit and close your eyes, please.” 

He follows your instructions and leans his back against the furniture. Sunghoon doesn’t fuss when you pin his hair back until it’s secure and allows you to make him feel pampered in a way he typically wouldn’t. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” 

Sunghoon hums. “Yeah, I did. The guys picked me up from my place and we had lunch at that seafood spot we’ve been meaning to try.” 

“Was it any good?”

“So good.” He licks his lips. “God, I’m still thinking about that shellfish soup. We ordered enough food to feed a village but it was so worth it. I wanna go with you.” 

“We can go wherever you want.” He smiles at your soft tone. 

“We also went to the beach and met some guys at the skate park by the highway. They were pretty nice and let us use their boards for a little. Heeseung got along with them the best, I think.”

“Heeseung makes friends with everybody.”

“He says he’s not social but that’s a lie.” Sunghoon twitches his nose when he feels a damp washcloth on his face. “We went to the bar afterwards and split it by round. I got the first and honestly, I don’t remember much after that.” 

“How are you feeling now, though?” you ask as you finish patting his skin dry. “Do you still feel dizzy?” Sunghoon opens his eyes and watches you apply a serum before dabbing it all over his face. 

“Not as much as before. I think I’m just tired.”

“And clingy, apparently.” 

Sunghoon smacks the back of your thighs. “Shut up. You love it.” You silence him by kissing his nose. 

While he brushes his teeth, you situate yourself underneath your plush covers and allow the weight of the blanket to fall on top of you. The sweet promise of a good night’s rest feels imminent, especially when you see your boyfriend emerge from the bathroom. He turns off the light and walks towards the empty side of the bed before he’s slipping himself beside you. 

Sunghoon’s an equal opportunist when it comes to sleeping positions. He loves it the most when your head is on his chest and when your arms are tangled in one another because he likes knowing that the two of you yearn for each other equally. But when he gets like this, Sunghoon takes initiative to maneuver himself until half of his chest and head are on top of you. He situates his arm around your waist and pulls himself closer to your body until a deep, satisfied sigh comes from the back of his throat. 

He hums in appreciation when your fingers begin to massage his scalp. Sunghoon’s hair is soft and silky and on most days, you’re the only person who gets to touch it. The slowness of your movements paired with the soft kiss you place on his temple makes his eyelids feel heavy. 

“Sorry you had to come pick me up,” Sunghoon mumbles against you. “I know we agreed to give each other some space this weekend.” 

“You should know by now that I’d do anything for you.” He feels you kiss the crown of his head. “Plus, we both know you’d do the same for me.” 

Sunghoon nods. “I would. You’re my girlfriend. Duh.” His sleepy nonsense makes you laugh. 

“You can go back to hanging out with the guys tomorrow if you want.” He shakes his head. 

“I want to get breakfast with you.” Sunghoon finds your free hand and presses a sleepy kiss to the back of it. 

“Whatever you want. We can get breakfast.” 

“If we wake up early enough.” 

You laugh again. “Yes, if we wake up early enough.” 

Sunghoon mumbles a few incoherent words that you can’t quite make out because of your own tiredness. When your own eyes start to droop, Sunghoon feels your fingers start to falter and looks up at you to see you’ve fallen fast asleep. 

He kisses the underside of your chin and falls asleep too.

***

comments and reblogs are appreciated! x

[luveline]

Something for hotch? Maybe where reader gets hurt/a concussion on a case and goes to the hospital but refuses to tell him she went until someone else mentions it?? <3 you dont have to do it if you have something similar but i love your writing!

ty for requesting!! <3 —Hotch will look after you, even when you don’t tell him you need him. fem, 1.7k

cw reader has a concussion

Hotch rubs his face when he knows nobody’s watching. Hand over his eyes, thumb and forefinger working against a brewing migraine. It eases a little of the tension there, but he can’t do it like you can. There’s something in your hands that makes him want to call them lovely hands, such a quaint word. You rub the space between his brows with your thumb until his aching is gone or replaced. Fondness with its own heartbeat wakes whenever you’re near. 

You’re not near. His head hurts. He wants a cup of coffee and a shower and to call Jack. The cases are never over when they’re over, is the thing, and he can’t keep track of everything. He has to answer questions and patch holes now, before the work follows him home to take up space on his desk. 

He talks to police officers, chiefs, victims families and firemen and Penelope, too, anybody who needs to ask him a question. He tells Emily to go back to the hotel because she’s exhausted, and warns Spencer that staying too long will give him another headache. He’s surprised half an hour later when Morgan grabs him by the arm. Hotch assumed he went with Spencer. 

“Hotch, what are you still doing here?” 

Hotch gives him a strange look. It’s not as though Morgan hasn’t seen Hotch clean up a mess before. “Sorry?” 

“I thought you’d be with Y/N.” 

He tries very hard to look casual. The team are often better at pretending they haven’t noticed you and Hotch slowly moving together. “She went home.” 

“No she didn’t, they took her in an ambulance. She’s at the hospital, nobody told you that?” 

Hotch knows Morgan can finish up for him. He doesn’t even say where he’s going or what there is left to do, Morgan is more than capable of handling the unit, and he’s a phone call away. Hotch rushes for an agent with a car and tells them where he needs to go as he punches your speed dial into his phone. Number three, after Penelope and Jess. 

You don’t answer, it makes him feel sick. He calls again and JJ picks up. Blessed, amazing JJ. 

“Hi Hotch.” 

“Is she there? Can I speak to her?” 

“She went in for an MRI a half hour ago.”

“JJ, what happened? Why didn’t anyone tell me?” 

“She said she told you.” A dry laugh from down the phone. “You’d think I’d learn not to trust her. I love her, but she’s a liar.” 

Hotch could say the same thing. “JJ, what happened? What’s wrong with her?” 

“I think she’s embarrassed. When everybody was coming back out, someone stepped on the back of her leg and she slipped down the stairs.” 

“Who stepped on her?” Hotch asks. 

JJ laughs. Hotch wonders if they’re too far into working together to scold her for unprofessionalism, but then he remembers the Unit would fall apart without her and holds his tongue. He’d fall apart without you, maybe, and he could stand to be a little more defensive. 

He’s out of the car and into the hospital in record time. He follows the signs to the Emergency Room, gives your name at the desk, and doesn’t have to flash his badge to get told what room they’ve put you in. He would’ve, and he would’ve threatened legal action. He’s no saint. He’ll abuse the system (in innocuous ways only, of course) if it means he gets to see you. 

You’re in a bed but sitting on the side of it rather than laying down. JJ sits in the chair beside you, two contrasting expressions on your faces. You’re smiling. JJ bites her lip. 

She turns to Hotch with relief. “Hey, look,” she says gently. 

“You took a long time to get here. Was it the moon?” 

Hotch understands quite quickly. “Sorry. Nobody told me you got hurt. What happened to the moon, honey?” 

You give him a vacant look. Turning back to JJ, your hands vying for her arm, you hold her to your stomach gently and squeeze your eyes closed. “The light.” 

Hotch turns to the wall, looking for the light switch. It’s hidden behind other concerning tech, so he’s careful about what he presses. You sigh and draw his attention, wiggling back on the bed to almost fall off the other side. 

“Maybe she thought she told me,” he suggests, not scolding JJ, but unhappy nonetheless. You clearly aren’t in a state to make decisions for yourself. 

JJ rubs your arm. “She got worse after we got here. That’s why they sent for her MRI so quickly. She’s on and off with it, incoherent and normal again.”   

Hotch knows she’s concerned for you, but he can read her restless leg; she hasn’t talked to Will or heard about Henry in hours. “Go back to the hotel, JJ. I have her.” 

JJ gives you a hug, to your confusion, and bypasses him fast. He can hear her phone ringing before the doors shut from her departure. 

He admires her loyalty, he just wishes she’d called him two hours ago. 

You rub your eyes, the loose sleeves of your hospital gown shifting against the loose knot behind your neck, and he genuinely despises the idea that you’d been here, hurt, without him. “Can I tie your gown again?” he asks. 

You nod into your rubbing. 

“I turned the lights off. It shouldn’t be so bright in here anymore.” He rounds the bed to your back, where a great deal of skin is showing. He smiles though he shouldn’t. You poor girl. “You’re a little… stark.” 

“I’m trying to think of some fruit and milk,” you tell him. 

“Do you need help?” 

“Not for the fruit.” 

“But for the milk,” he surmises, bringing the ties of your gown as close as he can without strangling you and tying them in a neat bow. 

“I don’t think that’s what I meant to say.” 

He puts his hand on your shoulder, his thumb to bare skin. “That’s okay, honey, you’re having a little trouble now, but it’ll go away soon. If there were something wrong, the doctor would be here.” 

“You could be a doctor.” 

“I couldn’t. I don’t know anything about medicine.” 

“A very nice doctor. Big hands.” You breathe out loudly, more animated than he’s ever heard you. “Whoo, I’m cold. I think they made me naked.” 

“How about I tuck you in, would you like that?” he asks, leaning over you in hopes of you turning your head. 

You stare up at him. “You want to?” 

“I’d love to. I want you to be comfortable.” 

“My boyfriend might not like it.” 

Hotch tries not to sulk at another horrible symptom. You aren’t only incoherent, but amnesiac. And you’ve forgotten who he is, in a way. At least you’ve remembered you have a boyfriend. He hopes it’s him. 

“No? Why wouldn’t he like it, honey? I’m just trying to take care of you.” 

You visibly fluster. “You’re calling me honey like he does, and he won’t like it ‘cos he takes care of me. He loves to go to places but he doesn’t know where he’s going.” 

That second half is gibberish, he’s sure. Hotch puts his hands carefully under your armpits and manoeuvres you back toward the top of the elevated hospital bed.

You put your hand to your tummy as you lean back, and hiss as your head touches the pillows. “Ow.” 

“Sorry,” he murmurs. 

“Don’t tell Aaron I got hurt.” 

“Why not?” 

“I fell down the stairs. He’s never fallen down the stairs.” 

“I have, actually. Twice. And it doesn’t matter how you get hurt, I want to know you’re alright, so I need you to tell me.” 

He pulls the sheets up to your legs and over your lap. Tucks them tightly behind your back, hands lingering on your hips. He watches you look at him, your cloudy gaze tracking over his eyes, his nose, and his lips. “Aaron?” you ask eventually, lifting your chin. 

“Yes?” 

You breathe out an unmissable sigh of relief. “You didn’t come with me.” 

“I didn’t know you were hurt.” He squeezes your hip softly. “You didn’t tell me. But it’s not your fault, is it? You got hurt.” His voice falls into silk. “Is that warm enough?” 

“I’m glad you’re here. I need you to get my shoes.” 

“No shoes. Can I have a hug?” 

“Why?” 

“Just to hug you,” he says softly. “It might make you feel better.” 

You raise your hands clumsily like your fingers are full of sand, forcing him to see his arms under them and behind your back. Your cheeks align, his rough with stubble, yours warm with the heat of a flush, perhaps from the injury. Your hands flop down onto his back as he rubs two separate, loving paths on the gown and your skin. 

Thank god she’s okay, he thinks. 

“Am I stuck like this?” you ask. 

“Are you worried?” He taps your back. “I doubt it. We might have to stay here for a while, but it’s okay. Feeling better is the priority.” 

“I’d like to go back.” 

“Home?” 

“For breakfast.” 

“Are you hungry? I can find you something to eat.” 

“What?” you ask. 

You sound so genuinely confused that Hotch laughs into your shoulder, before giving the fabric a soft kiss. “It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna bring that chair over and sit with you, okay? We’ll wait for the doctor together.” 

He sits with you for hours, talks to doctors and nurses alike as they come to check your vitals and explain your scans. Your confusion doesn’t lessen until the night time, and even then you act oddly, bringing his hand to your mouth to kiss strange parts of his fingers. The skin shy of his nail. The underside of a knuckle, the curve under the meat of his thumb. 

[onecheerfulmoron]

🔥🥵 Sex Appeal 🔥🥵

Powerful/Hypnotic/Magnetic

(These are based on my personal experience/observation)

* I differentiate sex appeal and god/goddess appeal (which I will make another post of :)*

*The following aspects are what I have & seen from other's charts and was able to witness their little superpower lol*

Sun/Rising/MC/Venus/Mars/Mercury conjunct Lilith

Sun/Rising/MC/Venus/Mars/Mercury conjunct Pluto

Sun/Rising/MC/Venus conjunct Mars

Sun/Rising/MC/Venus/Mars/Mercury conjunct Uranus

Sun/Rising/Moon/MC/Venus/Mars/Mercury/Saturn/Uranus/Pluto/Lilith/in the 1st, 8th, & 10th house

Any of those planets in Scorpio/Capricorn/or Leo

Trines/Opposition/Square/Sextile also apply. Conjunctions are the most powerful and/or tighter the orbs of the aspect. Orbs (0-3), the more prominent it plays out in your life. Orbs (4-7) is somewhat in the middle.

The way the sex appeal of the planets is emphasized by (Lilith, Pluto, & Mars) can be better understood by applying the planet's role to it.

Sun: Who you are. So your personality without a filter. *you can naturally get someone interested by being yourself. No masks are needed for you!

Ascendant/Rising: literally how you look anywhere anytime. Through your appearance, mannerism, & fashion sense. *You don’t have to do shit or try and people be like👼🏾 😳 🥵

Moon: the way you think is what you act upon. Whatever sign your moon falls under, you would execute the energy of that sign when people get to know you. I feel that whatever planet your moon is aspects by is how your mindset would operate. The house placement of the moon would show where your emotions run. *personally i think the placement/sign of the moon contributes more to sex appeal than the aspect itself.

Mercury: your voice and communication style. *It’s those people that can make anyone fall for them just by talking. They have this aura where people want to listen to them and find their sense of communication interesting & funny. Also, they are the treasure box of others dark secrets. People love telling them shit. Gossip holders plus sharp tongue ☕️.

Mars: your expression, enthusiasm, or when you display dominance/leadership. *At this point act manly or motivated whenever lol. Whether it's through a form of hobby to being authoritative, you will catch someone’s eye.

Venus: beauty, fashion style, the way you care for others, how you are in love, etc. Most people with these sex appeal aspects above involving Venus are highly desired to be in a relationship with by others. They can get someone wrapped around their fingers if they are naughty lol 😈.

MC: similar to Asc, but it’s like reputation matters so they make sure to play their part. So it's like dressing up or behaving a certain way in public to get the reaction they want which will be attained. Lowkey a chameleon. *I have noticed that MC is a more refined/mature type, probably bc the MC has to do with career as well.

Uranus: Being unique like an alien. Shocking, Magnetic, & Unique are how I would describe individuals with Uranus aspects. People will remember you 100% in someway, which depends on what it’s aspected by.

Pluto/Lilith: they both are powerful when it comes to intimidating others as well as getting others obsessed. Drawing jealousy also is relevant, unfortunately.

Examples:

I have a male friend who is a Scorpio with Lilith conjunct to his Sun & Mars. Man, he gets ladies of all ages flirting with him. They tell him their darkest secrets they don’t tell anybody else. I and my friend worked in the same office together. Ladies are walking past his cubicle like “Heyyyyy…*Name*. Why don’t you stop by my cubicle no more…..don’t you miss me lol”. Random ladies, he doesn’t even talk to on the other side of the office know his name, like what!

A girlfriend of mine has Venus conjunct Pluto. The girl be getting men left and right. She was on a bus one day and told me that a stranger kept looking at her and told her when they got off the bus if he got a chance. Mind you he was in his 40's. Even in high school, people were looking at her from afar and would try to hit on her eventually. She attracted men and females.

I have Mars conjunct Pluto and when I'm active or energetic, men are interested in me. So when I'm in a good mood and I have excessive energy whether at the gym or being a crazy girl in school they find me interesting and funny. Celebrities with these aspects are always known for their roles and the character they display versus too much of their real personality. Ex: Bella Thorne, James Corden, Jared Padalecki (supernatural show), etc.

Scorpio Sun with Moon in the 8th house. There was this guy I was interested in with this aspect. Man, I was digging through his entire past trying to know "the real him". Searched his name online to asking him multiple questions about himself to put the pieces together. I knew more about him than he knew about me. Yes, he was adopted and his dad was some sort of instructor lol, and No, I don't do that anymore. Don't have the next victim yet lol.

Uranus conjunct Sun individuals can get someone hooked unto them for their personality and energy. People are just fascinated by them and actually enjoy being with them. My friend’s cousin has this aspect and man she found herself in a relationship so quick. The guy didn’t give two shit about how she dressed or looked, but fell for her quirkiness. She has a unique sense of fashion too. My friend told me how she was jealous of her cousin because she can get random men’s attention so fast like love at first sight. Yes, she married quick too. That relationship was like 3 month long and are expecting a child!

I have Uranus trine my Mercury and yes people remember whatever I say. I went to the gym with my friend before and the front desk guys asked me a question and I guess I said some funny. Everytime I went to that gym, they remembered that one conversation. Even after I switched over to another gym, I saw one of the front desk guy from my last gym and he would tell me what I said from before. Like I gotta make sure I don’t say none stupid especially to someone important lol.

Scorpio moon individuals would be extra secretive than the sun. Our mind is where we hold our opinions/thoughts/secrets…and if it’s under the sign Scorpio then all shit is preplanned of what can and can’t be spoken to others. No matter what the sun sign may be, Scorpio moon individuals will limit what they tell others, therefore making them magnetic. People want to figure out what they’re hiding.

Do you have any stories with these aspects?

P.S.: Don't be judgy about my color coordination for MC. I don't have any other colorful buckets to choose from lol.

[mattluvr]

dad!matt, a concept.

best read in dark mode ⏾

⭐️🍋💐 part i — the pregnancy. . .

⟡ ݁₊ . when you and your boyfriend of two years find out you’re pregnant, you’re both scared, naturally; young and only freshly moved into your first apartment together, this big step in life is not one you’re prepared to take.

but, when matt cradles your stomach from the second he saw that lethal second line on the pregnancy test, soft eyebrows and tears pricking his waterline, you start to consider the possibility of raising a kid with him. maybe he’ll be a good father, nurturing your child with his whole heart. it’s only something you can picture, but at the image, something within you lights up with sunshine. so you decide to keep the baby.

you want this with matt; in fact, as you share happy tears with the boy pressing you into his chest in a hug, you realise that you don’t think you’d want to do it with anybody else.

⟡ ݁₊ . you announce it to your family first, more accepting than you thought about the situation, and your mom, despite her strict parenting style growing up and her imprinted frown lines across her forehead, even pulls you aside to tell you that you have her full support and availability if anything was to go wrong. which makes you cry. obviously; you’re fucking pregnant.

matt’s family are also just as accepting, but that’s no surprise; his parents have always loved you, certain that you’re made for each other, and his triplet brothers are simply pumped to be uncles. especially nick, who, ever the sensitive person, bursts into tears at the announcement.

chris elbows him in the side. “you big crybaby. this is meant to be something to celebrate.”

“i am happy. just have dust in my eye, that’s all.” nick shoots back, and you giggle. you can’t wait for the fun uncle this pregnancy is going to bring out in both brothers.

⟡ ݁₊ . the first few weeks are rocky, the toilet bowl your best friend as morning sickness lines your stomach. but, with matt’s constant presence by your side, a reassuring hand pressed into the small of your back, it feels manageable. his lips, softer than you ever remember are forever attached to yours, whispering praise into your mouth. you swear the love for your boyfriend has doubled since you fell pregnant with his baby.

then, suddenly, it’s your first scan, and the sonogram has made you cry for the umpteenth time in the past week. the picture is a simple white blob against a black background, but it’s still the prettiest you’ve ever seen. you want to hang it up on every wall in your apartment, tattoo it on your heart. it suddenly feels overwhelmingly real, but still manageable. after all, matt is clasping your hand by your side, silently sobbing.

“it’s tiny.” he whispers, pointing to what is the assumed baby’s head.

you smile, squeezing his hand as you meet his watery gaze. “it’s ours.”

and the love triples.

⟡ ݁₊ . you find out the gender at the next scan, and decide to surprise matt with one of those cake reveals you’ve been seeing all over your tiktok. it’s just you and him in the house, an all white, three tiered cake sat between you on the kitchen counter. matt’s nervous, his hands shaking as he moves to cut a slice out, but you’re over the moon. you can already anticipate his excitement over the pink inside.

although it is orange when matt pulls the slice out, and you both look at one another, bursting out laughing. “it’s meant to be pink.” you say with a smile, and matt nods, pulling you into his side.

“yeah i gathered.” then it sinks in for the boy, his eyes widening. “holy shit. we’re having a baby girl.”

you laugh and then cry. it’s all you seem to be able to do recently. “we’re having a fucking girl.”

and as you sob even harder, matt kisses your temple in a soothing manner, smiling. “you’re gonna be the best mom ever, baby.”

⟡ ݁₊ . the morning sickness wears off after your first trimester, but brings with it bouts of tiredness and a showing bump. the latter you don’t mind in the slightest, even convincing matt to do a soft launch of the pregnancy on your instagram story. the feedback on the mirror selfie, matt positioned behind you, arms gently caressing your bump, is insane, and suddenly you find yourself in one of the car videos he films for his youtube, talking about the pregnancy to the camera on the dashboard.

“HOW BIG?!” nick is shouting, shocked when you tell him you have to be dilated the size of a ben and jerry’s ice cream tub lid before you can push your daughter out.

“10 centimetres, nick. i might die.”

“oh my god, don’t say that.” matt suddenly looks worried, reaching back to grab your hand. “i’ll have a panic attack.”

you roll your eyes and squeeze his hand, your special way of grounding him. “i’ll try and not die for you, babe.”

“‘preciate it.”

chris interrupts, brow furrowed. “but you’re gonna have painkillers whilst you do it, right? so it shouldn’t hurt that much…”

“actually, i want to try and do it without any medication. completely natural.”

all three boys look shocked. “WHAT?!”

⟡ ݁₊ . your second trimester is uneventful, and your bump is growing bigger by the day. by the time you’re 30 weeks along, you’re sick and tired, wanting nothing more than the baby to just free itself. matt is working harder than ever, on his brand and with his brothers on his youtube channel, and there are days where you don’t see him until the late evening, when you’re so wiped out you can barely keep your eyes open for more than 20 seconds.

so, to make it up to you, matt comes home every night with a new piece of clothing for your daughter. the other night was one of your favourites, the eeyore fleece he’d found in the thrift so small and so adorable that you bolted wide awake and insisted on putting it in the nursery.

you’d already painted and built the furniture for the baby’s room, completed a few weeks back, so now it was simply the case of organising everything into closets and mounting pictures onto walls, including that first ultrasound.

⟡ ݁₊ . at 35 weeks, you feel a pain like you’re never felt before, excruciating, and you’re sure you’re in labour. matt rushes to get the remnants of your hospital bag ready, panicking when you double over in the kitchen, hand against the counter to steady yourself.

the car ride there is scarier than the prospect of you having your baby earlier than planned, however, matt screeching round the corners and getting at least 3 tickets for speeding just to make sure that you get to the hospital in time.

for nothing, by the way. the labour is false, your baby just moving her head so that it’s downwards. which is a good thing, you know, but you’re not quite sure the pain was worth it. matt faces the consequences of two fines, and you’re back home within five hours, deciding to pack your hospital bag.

who knows when you might go into actual labour?

⟡ ݁₊ . but, four weeks later, you’re still fucking pregnant. you’re due in exactly 7 days, and now you’re just restless, all your clothes too small and every sensation overwhelming. even matt burrowing his face into your neck when watching a movie, as he always does, sets you on edge, and you push him away, frowning.

“i’m too warm for cuddles, matt.”

“oh, sorry.” matt throws you an apologetic smile, and scoots closer. he rubs your belly, which always calms you down, moving his hands down to lift your bump up, bringing you instant relief.

“fuck, that feels really good. thank you.”

“anything for my girl.” matt mumbles, and presses a kiss to your neck. you suddenly don’t detest his closeness anymore.

⟡ ݁₊ . one week later, on october 22nd, at exactly 6am in the morning, you feel a gush of liquid between your legs and sit bolt upright in bed. your waters have just broken; you’re having the fucking baby.

( author’s note. . . omfg i forgot to tag oops)

this is for my babygirls @mattslolita, @middlepartmatt and @chrissturniolossidehoe 😛🔥

[helslastangel]

Random Astro Observations #6

@helslastangel

Disclaimer: These are based on personal observations and experiences and may not resonate for everyone with these placements. If it doesn’t apply, let it fly 🪽

🔥 Leo sun men as fathers often make excellent financial providers but poor emotional support for their children

💧Scorpio moon women are often overprotective of their sons and very harsh or demanding of their children's love interests

🌬 Aquarius mars placements don't get mad, they get even. the definition of neither forgive nor forget

🌿 Capricorn moons pay attention to what you like and will send you relevant memes or funny videos if they like you. They love making others laugh and sharing humor is a love language to them

🔥 Sagittarius sun women with Aries placements can be self-centered in their day-to-day actions without realizing it and sometimes end up with strained friendships and issues with their siblings

💧Cancer venus men can be some of the most caring and kind if they like you, but they are also vengeful and will ruin your day on purpose if they feel like it will make their point

🌬 Libra suns are typically cheerful unless they have Virgo or Capricorn moon - those can be quite serious or melancholy. if they have Sagittarius moon they may have more anger management issues and are more confrontational in general.

🌿 Taurus sun men prefer to be chased than do the chasing. if a Taurus man is chasing you, he seriously likes you something different because they're not getting off the couch for just anybody

🔥 Aries moon and Sagittarius mercury can make anyone 2x more fiery than they would be based on their sun sign, or give an otherwise chilled-out chart a massive energy boost. I had a Scorpio sun, Aries moon, Sag mercury, Libra venus, Scorpio mars friend and she was the sweetest but most aggressive Scorpio I ever met. Nobody believed she was a Scorpio tbh her Aries + Sag energies overwhelmed the rest of her placements. I knew someone else with Scorpio sun, moon, venus, mars, and Libra mercury and they were like a huge teddy bear and kind of a pushover most of the time.

💧Scorpio risings deal with a lot of unexplained hatred from acquaintances and random strangers. Most people react to them with either love/obsession or intense anger. It can cause them a lot of anxiety and people like to pick physical fights with them.

🌬 Gemini women are extremely loyal friends besides the tendency to talk a little bit too much to one person about someone else's business. The thing is, Geminis value community and communal traits a lot. I think they subconsciously forget that their friends aren't automatically your friends too, so they do need to ask before sharing things you only wanted them to know.

🌿 Virgo suns/moon LOVE to dance, or if they can't/won't, they might either enjoy watching other people do so, or just enjoy some form of physical movement that requires some coordination and focus in some way (martial arts, boxing, yoga, Tai chi, etc). But yeah if they become comfortable around you, just like with Capricorns, you'll discover a whole other side to them

🔥 Leo venuses are known for liking gifts but tbh it's not just any gift - they want things that are high quality at the very least. Even better if it's something they can show off to others. My ex has this placement and I remember for Valentine's Day, I got him a bunch of things ranging in price, some for glamour and others because I just noticed he could use them. Yeah well, he loved the $250 gold earrings and immediately put them in and went to show his friends, and he loved the black woven bracelets because they "looked exclusive" but I found the tracksuit, graphic tees and the card with the lipstick print I got him shoved in the back of his closet. Asked about it and after lying about putting them there "just for a second to sweep the floor" he eventually admitted that because they weren't designer he really didn't want them. Lesson learned 0_0

My dad also has Leo venus and although he doesn't particularly care about things being designer or not like that, he WILL pick at the quality of anything you get him and only be happy if he can do the boomer thing where they say how "solid" something feels and how it will "last." If it's something like a book, it has to be a super popular bestselling "everyone is talking about this" title or else... yeah your gift is ending up in a sock drawer :/ lol

💧 Water moons experience a lot of guilt whenever they set boundaries with others and it's something they have to overcome as early as possible or they will suffer from a lot of headaches or stomachaches from anxiety

🌬 Aquarius sun men can be extremely toxic when it comes to wanting and chasing someone only after that person loses interest or displays nonchalance towards them. It is almost like they like a challenge to the point of manufacturing it over investing the same energy into a personal connection. The thing is, this is fun for a while but if they do it too often to too many people within a closed environment (school, activity group, work, etc), word gets around and they can often suddenly find themselves losing friends and romantic prospects. They can become lonely at that point and try to double back with their top interests, but won't admit they f*cked up. They just show up either acting as if nothing happened or being kinda arrogant about the whole thing and insisting that you're the one playing games with them.

🌿 Earth signs in the big 3 can make someone develop very peculiar ways of organizing. It can be physical objects, locations, or even just their thoughts, but they will have a whole elaborate process that can be kinda cute to watch unfold.

🔥 Fire signs in the big 3 can make someone highly expressive and have huge energy, even if they're a shy or quiet person. You'll know they've arrived at a function long before you see them and can find them in a room by just following the vibes ✨️

💧Pisces placements, especially suns, are extremely perceptive and people do not give them nearly enough credit for this. They're noticing everything and taking notes for future reference - looking like they're in the own world is just how they seem on the outside. Just because they didn't say anything doesn't mean they didn't clock your tea.

𓆩♡𓆪

↤ go back to the masterlist

[ink-flavored]

💐100 Question Romance & Love OC Ask Game💘

Do you love love? Does your OC feel the same? Look no further for an excuse to talk about everything romance! Plus there's a few about aromanticism in there! I tried to make the questions applicable to most relationships, but you want something a bit more poly-focused, here’s a link to my polycule dynamics game. Remember to send an ask to the person you reblog it from to make sure everyone gets to play!

😍Do they like romance? Have they always hated the idea, or are they a swooning hopeless romantic?

❤️How do they feel about the concept of “love”? What does it mean to them?

❓Have they ever questioned the idea of what “love” is? Where did it lead them?

💞How many times have they been in love?

💭What’s their most formative memory about love or romance? It can be good or bad.

💖What’s the easiest part of love for them?

🖤What’s the hardest part of love for them?

💝What do they want the most from a romantic relationship? Is it what they need?

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨Do they prefer a steady partnership or casual dating? Neither?

🥰Who are they in love with right now, if anyone?

🔥Who was their first love? How did it turn out?

💋How romantic do they expect their partner(s) to be in a relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if expectations aren’t met?

💓How romantic are they in a relationship? Does it depend on the partner, or are they moon-eyed with anyone?

💌Which “traditionally romantic” acts (love poetry, flowers, etc.) do they love the most? Would they rather receive this kind of affection, or give it to someone else?

💐Which “traditionally romantic” acts (love poetry, flowers, etc.) do they hate more than anything? When it’s directed at them, or when they’re expected to give it to others?

💟What is the dating culture in their society like? Do they participate in it?

💯What’s their idea of a perfect date?

⏳Have they ever tried speed-dating? How did it go?

📱Have they ever tried dating apps? How did it go?

💍Are they expected by their society to date and/or marry? How do they feel about it?

💜Do they have a “type” of person they tend to date?

📃Do they have high standards about who they date? Low standards?

🧀What’s their cheesiest romantic fantasy? Do they want to recreate it in real life?

💘Do they often “make the first move” when it comes to love? Or are they waiting for the object(s) of their affection to pick up the hints they’re dropping?

📢Are they able to confess romantic feelings easily, or do they clam up at the mere prospect?

💦Is it super obvious when they have feelings for someone, or are they a master at hiding it?

💗What’s the longest amount of time they’ve ever pined after someone?

🤍Have they ever been on either side of an “unrequited love” situation? How did it turn out?

🏃‍♂️Is anybody their “one that got away”? Have they ever “gotten away” from someone else?

💔Have they ever had to break up with someone? Why?

🔂Have they ever broken up and then gotten back together with the same person? How many times? Did it work out in the end?

❌Have they ever been rejected after a confession of love? How did they handle it?

🚫Have they ever had to reject someone else’s feelings? How did it go?

🤏Have they ever had a romantic interest “stolen” before? Have they ever made a move on someone they knew a friend was interested in?

🤔Do they consider “having a crush” and “being in love” different things? Where’s the line?

🤥Have they ever lied to make a relationship more viable? Did it end well, or blow up in their face?

😳Have they ever been broken up with in a situation where it was kiiinda their fault? What was the issue?

🍨What are their methods for getting over a break-up?

🐸Do they tend to jump from one relationship to the next, quickly entering another as soon as the previous one ends? Why?

💡Have they ever been in love with the idea of someone instead of the actual person? What was the aftermath?

💛How important is being in a relationship to them?

📅Have they ever stayed in a relationship long past its expiration date? Why?

💥Did any of their relationships end catastrophically? What happened?

🤝Are they still friends with any of their ex-partners?

😲Have they ever been cheated on before? What happened?

👺Have they ever been the cheater? Were they ever found out?

1️⃣How do they feel about the concept of finding “The One”? Is it an aspiration or something they roll their eyes at?

👀How do they feel about the concept of “love at first sight”? Do they believe in it?

😨Do they have any “taboo” or unpopular opinions about love or romance?

💚Are they aromantic? Have they considered it?

✋Are they loveless? [for an aromantic perspective on lovelessness check out this essay]

💙Have they ever been in a queer-platonic relationship? Would they consider it?

💕Where do they draw the line between friendship and romance, if at all?

✊Do they practice relationship anarchy? [for more information about relationship anarchy, check out this guide]

🔢Are they polyamorous? Have they considered it?

💫How would they feel if, in a monogamous relationship, their partner asked them to try polyamory?

🗂️Do they have a hard time separating their romantic feelings from other kinds of love? Which ones?

⁉️Do they often feel like they’re “doing love wrong” in their relationships? Anything specific?

📈Do they often prioritize romance and love in their life? To the detriment of other relationships?

😡Are they a jealous partner?

👥Are they jealous of any of their friends’ or family members’ relationships?

😥Are they often left behind in love? Were they single and watching all their friends get married?

🤷‍♂️Would they be happy without romantic love in their life?

🚒How important is physical attraction to their romantic relationships?

👯‍♂️Are sex and romance conflated in their culture? How does this impact them?

🥴How often do they expect sex in a romantic relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if expectations aren’t met?

🙅‍♂️How would they feel about being in a sexless relationship?

👫Have they ever been in love with someone who was already in a relationship? How did it turn out?

📚Do they like romance as a genre? In books, movies, games, etc.?

✅Do they have a relationship they can look up to as a positive example of romantic love?

👎Do they have a relationship that’s a perfect example of “what not to do” in their life?

🤕What are their “hang-ups” or insecurities about love and romance?

👄Are they an effective communicator in their relationships?

🦸‍♂️Have they ever played match-maker with their friends or loved ones? How did it go?

🧐Have they ever been “match-made” by someone else? How did it go?

💒Is marriage an important consideration for them? Out of choice, necessity, social pressure?

👰Is marrying for love a rarity in their culture, or commonplace?

💎Would they want to propose to someone, or be proposed to?

🎉Do they want a huge showy proposal, or something more private?

🎁What’s their ideal wedding, on a scale of “courthouse wedding with 5 people maximum” to “100+ guests, massive ceremony, all-night reception”?

👗What sorts of clothes do married couples wear in their culture? Do they plan on wearing the traditional clothes, or doing something different?

🔓Have they ever had to break off an engagement? Why?

🏆What kind of love is prioritized in their society? Does it impact how they’re able to love?

🌹What’s considered “romantic” in their society? How does that impact their relationships?

👪How has their family influenced their ideas of romance and love?

🙋‍♀️How have their friends influenced their ideas of romance and love?

⛪How has their religion or faith influenced their ideas of romance and love?

🗺️What are some cultural customs surrounding love and romance that they practice?

👑Does their culture have any formal courting customs? Have they been taught how to properly court?

💄Are people pressured to fit a specific beauty standard in order to be “romantically viable”? How has this impacted their love life?

��Have they ever dated someone for their family’s sake? How did it go?

🤨Have they ever “pity dated” someone? Have they ever been “pity dated” by someone else?

🥣How does their culture view a “serial dater,” or someone who refuses to settle down?

➕Do they care about people’s “body count,” or how many relationships they’ve been in?

👶Would they ever be in a relationship with someone who already had children?

🤱If they ever ended up single with children, how would they feel about entering a new relationship?

🌑Would they date a widow? Would they date again if they were ever widowed?

✏️If they had the chance to erase one past romantic mistake, what would it be?

🩹Do they often give romantic advice to their friends or family? Is it good advice?

👂Do they often seek romantic advice from friends or family? Has it helped?

[tourturestarradio]

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐌

"𝐌𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐢'𝐦 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬."

"𝐃𝐨 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦?"

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

Pairing: Worst Wolverine x Vampire reader (platonically)

Prompt: You lost him...he was gone, so why was he here how was he here?

Warnings: Angst with no comfort, Deadpool 3 spoilers, Wade being Wade. (this is connected to Enjoy the silence)

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮

Was this a joke? Blinking you stared at him fingers twitching. He was gone, you watched him die, right in front of your eyes. You'll never forget that moment, you lost him, you lost the single most important person in your life and you lost him.

So how?

How was he standing here right in front of you, the rest of the group looking at you wondering what you're gonna do.

Wade gasped as he looked between the two "is this the start of a found family trope-oh nevermind."

You tackled him down in an instant catching him off guard, growling in anger. Growing your nails out you stabbed into his sides "ah fuck!" prompting him to release his claws stabbing them into your side as well, just like old times.

"Well this is NOT how I thought this would go...oh gosh"

Wade gulped the others trying to pull you off of Logan as you two continued to claw at each other "it's like watching a cat fight." Blade looked over at him "will you quit your yapping and help us!" Wade nodded dragging Logan away from you.

"The fuck is your problem! You asshole!" Logan shouted yanking his arm away from Wade.

You hissed at him again, prompting Laura to speak up "they can't talk. Well at least not that well" Logan glared at you and you did the same.

"Well nothing can be worse trying to hear this guy try to do a public speech?" Wade said lightly patting Gambit's shoulder, Blade and Elektra letting go of you.

"L...iar ..."

Logan looked at you "the fuck?" he muttered his wounds slowly healing, your scratchy rugged voice calling out again.

"...L..iar"

"The fuck are you talking about?"

Wade nodded "I agree with peanuts here I can't really understand, you need some whiskey to clear out your throat since we don't have a drop of water anywhere." he joked.

You could feel tears bubble up in your eyes as you hissed again turning and leaving too angry to get a grip on yourself.

"Well that went about as well as a priest going to a school playground."

Elektra rolled her eyes "shut the fuck up" she groaned, Laura followed you out, Wade trying to make small talk "So...anybody up for uno..." he asked

The silence lingered for an uncomfortable amount of time as no one was in the mood for talking.

"Dear God the author needs to change scenes. I can't keep making jokes to fill this awkward silence" Wade said shaking his head.

.

The night drew close as you stayed up on a tree branch sitting staring at the moon your nails tapping against the tree bark, dried tear streaks on your face. Your brain remembering everything about him and the comfort he gave you, that void he filled.

He was the father you never had, he cared about you even when no one else did, even when everyone turned their back on you after the accident. He was there, you stuck like glue to his side never thinking the man you held so dear to your heart could ever die.

He was a hero? He wasn't supposed to die.

He was your hero.

And he left you.

He promised he wouldn't leave you.

He promised.

And he lied, he lied right to your face. You'll never forget the anger you felt after he took that final breath, the hate you felt. But it wasn't towards him, it was towards yourself. You let the one person who meant the most to you die, you let him slip through your fingers just like that.

But now. He's here again. Your eyes glued to him as he drank and talked with Laura for a little bit before she walked away. You didn't understand it, you wanted to lash out you wanted to scream and shout at him for leaving you but you couldn't. You had so many questions, so much you had to tell him about what happened in your life, there was so much to say but you just couldn't say it.

"I know you're there."

Blinking you stared at him, how did he know...?

"I can smell you. Come out."

You jumped down from the tree slowly walking up to him you sat down keeping your eyes on the flames, "what do you want, here to stab me again?" he asked glancing over at you.

You shook your head, signing 'sorry' to him. He looked at you confused and you signed it again, "I don't understand that." he commented, you cocked your head to the side, maybe he just forgot?

So with the best you could you strained out a small "s...orry" Logan looked at you, as you continued "..f..or. hur...ting" he only waved you off.

There was silence before you spoke again "..h..ow?" it hurt to speak but you did so anyway, Logan knew what you meant regardless "look kid. I'm not who you think I am." he started, you gripped onto your pants "I'm not him." he finished.

You shook your head getting up walking away for a second before coming back, you had a picture in your hand showing it to him, it was a bad picture you took of your first mission, it was you and Logan you had a grin while Logan was trying to swat away the camera.

Logan looked at it "that's not me." he stated firmly, you pushed the picture towards him again "kid listen to me. That ain't me," you didn't believe him.

Were you gone too long? Why didn't he remember?

Showing him another picture he swatted your hand away making you drop the picture into the fire, your eyes growing wide as you scrambled to grab the picture.

Logan quickly grabbed you seeing as you were burning yourself to grab it "hey! hey! damn it stop it!" you faught against him to grab the picture burning your hand in the processes.

Putting the fire out you looked at it half Logans face was burned off. Looking at the male you shoved him with a shout "stop that." he commanded, annoyed just hoping you'd go away.

You shoved him again "w..hy!" Logans claws shot out pointing at your throat "look kid I already fucking told you i'm not him! Get that through your thick fucking head!" snatching the two photos away from you he held them up shouting at you "we are not the same person! I'm not that fucking man you used to know! That man is dead!" he yelled.

You could feel more tears fill your eyes, not wanting to believe what he was saying. "He's gone! You've seen it for yourself! He's Dead! And there is nothing you can do about it!" He shouted throwing the pictures down before shoving past you angrily.

You hurried to pick up the pictures holding them close to your chest as hot tears ran down your cheeks, sitting on the ground you pulled your legs up to your chest.

He was right about one thing he was nothing like the Logan you knew. He may have looked like him but he was nothing Logan, he was an imposter, a fake, a lie. The Logan you knew and loved was dead.

And no one could bring him back.

.

.

A/n: This was a tough one, should I do a part two?

[alfascorpiionux]

The dilemma of Moon in 8th house | Moon in Scorpio

“Have you ever felt like a lone and abandoned hair band steeped in mud and then stepped over by gigantic heels of strange creatures you can call by name? Sure enough, a hair band can be cleaned but what if it’s torn? Could it still be used to proudly hold and adorn your hair, whilst the two of its ends are tied in a knot? How long will that band fulfill its function? Playfully a person might decide to twist it between their fingers, testing its elasticity, how far and wide it could be stretched or what shapes and designs could it create before rupturing again. Well, it’s just a a band, surely it can be retied or replaced altogether. But what if you’ve got only one gigantic band your whole life that’s wrapped tightly against your soul and that is ruptured in not a singular place but a multitude? Every rupture brings unimaginable pain and a lingering sense that it’s all a tasteless joke, a stage act that had become way too personal, that it’s a ultimately all worthless and this feeling of doom will have no end. Emotional distress on this natives hits harder than on anybody else. They live and breath the people they care for and any pain caused to or by them is a true tragedy that’s to be remembered for an undetermined length of time. Possibly their whole lives.

8th house is the house of death and new beginnings and as such is the emotional life of these natives. A perpetual oscillation from chaos to clarity and then back again. This means constant change in the way they view and relate to things. A deep and very transformative journey that’s profoundly lonesome at its core. You probably felt like you cannot truly confide in people, even those closest to your heart and that have never disappointed you, let alone strangers. Who, if not you, knows better than anyone about the deceptive and reprehensible ways in which people can act, at times in the name of love or just to prove a point to themselves? You cannot fully trust even yourself, can you? But that’s the closest bet you can find. So there is no other choice.

Continuing my hair band analogy, let’s suppose that a different person was responsible for each of the ruptures, which in turns gives us at least a couple of lingering ghosts that’ll keep hunting the graveyard of this person’s heart, never to leave. A reminder of what should never be allowed again.

I like to think that inside this graveyard, there is a golden church with a priest and then there’s everything outside of the gates which is the outside world. Only the very select and special few will be given the privilege to enter this church and take on the role of priests. For this native loves certain people not only deeply but also with admiration and abandon to the point they would do anything for them. The ghosts hunting the graveyards represent the past that never leaves them. Sometimes they are so insistent they try strangling both the appointed priest and its follower (who is the native him/herself). The ultimate goal would be to disrobe the priest turning them back into what they were before entering the gates: flawed humans reaching out for a connection. Only this time they would stand side by side holding hands, bravely walking through the graveyard, headless of ghosts and step out the front gate towards a future that’s entirely theirs: a new home or a new journey. Unfortunately people usually won’t even ring the bell at the gate, let alone reach the church to become a priest. And thus, mostly the natives face their army of ghosts alone. In the lack of a priest something else becomes their guiding star, ultimately. The way outside will be a lot more arduous and long-lasting.

Such is the nature of these people: constantly changing and yet always somehow the same. These are the people that will cry in despair when everyone is gleaming with joy. The one person silently jotting down ideas in his notebook with a forlorn expression. The one that says I am happy, and maybe truly thinks he is, but truthfully believes happiness is overrated and too abstract of a concept to aim towards. Will I find meaning in what I do or will my life be just a mere mirage so easy to shatter, a copy of other people’s ? Better yet, will I find the sort of deep connection I am longing for?”

[toomuchracket]

under the full moon (d word matty x reader fluff)

calling it fluff is misleading they are 3 seconds away from raw sex at all times in this fic. promptober, pre-dating, charli just cockblocked them (well, interrupted an almost-kiss) at new year... enjoy <3

“oi - why haven't you got a drink?”

you look up from your conversation with someone famous whose name you've already forgotten. george is frowning at you, usually-sharp eyes hazy with tipsiness; you're quite impressed at his commitment to his hosting duties in the midst of such inebriation, to be honest. “your missus dragged me in here and into a convo before i could get one, that's why.”

“that girl,” he shakes his head. suddenly, you're on your feet, being tugged towards the kitchen before you can even apologise to the actress - rachel? - you were chatting to. “come on. can't have you dehydrating.”

“there's no risk of that, george,” you grumble, stumbling along in an effort to keep up with him and his giraffe legs. christ, how does charli manage? “was out already, remember?”

“yeah, i know. matty wouldn't stop fucking moping about you not being here earlier.”

you beam.

“actually,” george continues. “he keeps moping whenever you're not around, to be honest,” he stops abruptly; only once you've bounced back from him do you notice his mischievous grin. “i think he fancies you.”

you beam even wider.

as if it's news to you, though - you did nearly just snog matty outside.

“don't tell him i told you that, though,” he's walking again. “he's battered me for doing that before.”

“tried to batter you, i assume.”

“exactly,” george pulls you into the kitchen, weaving through people and conversations and what you think is a drinking game, stopping when he reaches the fridge. “alright. what you drinking?”

you don't answer, too preoccupied with staring at matty across the room. a spike of jealousy spears you as you watch him talk to a charli and a girl you don't recognise, long dark hair trailing down her back, but you're appeased when he catches sight of you and smiles; you copy his expression, and neither of you break eye contact. that is, until george waves his hand in front of your face. “hellooooooo? anybody home?”

“fuck off, i was thinking.”

“making eyes at my best friend is what you were doing, actually.”

“you're seeing things, george. maybe you're going insane.”

“what d'you mean going?” matty's arm finds its way around your waist. “he's been insane as long as i've known him, darling.”

you rest your head on his shoulder. “well, i didn't want to be impolite.”

“sweet girl,” he presses a gentle kiss to your temple; you do your best not to swoon, and he turns to his best friend. “i'll sort her with a drink, mate, s'alright.”

“but thank you for bringing me through for one, george,” you squeeze his hand, and he smiles as he bids you goodbye and speedwalks off to god knows where. biting back a cheeser of a smile, you turn to matty, loosely slinging your arms around his neck. “hello again, gorgeous.”

“hi,” he replies softly, cheeks tinting pink under the spotlights in the ceiling - your body fizzes with excitement about the fact that you can elicit such a reaction from him. matty's hands move to rest on your hips, and it's your turn to blush. he smiles. “missed you after we came inside. where did you end up?”

“charli got me talking to a couple of people, s'all.”

“yeah, me too.”

“i saw,” you raise your eyebrows, playfully. “she trying to set you up?”

“dunno. wasn't paying attention,” his thumbs gently rub little circles into the satin of your dress. “was a bit preoccupied thinking about someone else.”

“yeah?”

“yeah,” he smirks. “what about you, pretty girl? she have you talking to boys she thinks you'd want?”

“nah, just a girl she thought i'd find cool. which she was right about,” you stretch, deliberately arching your body further into his and savouring the way his breathing changes. “but she would've been wrong if she'd had me chatting to boys like that,” your eyes flick to matty's slightly-parted lips, then back up to meet his gaze again. “you see… i want a man.”

matty exhales shakily. “god,” he half-laughs. “you're really fucking hot, you know. and,” he adds hurriedly. “you're beautiful. really. i mean, you're just… wow,” he grins. “gonna be thinking about this dress for a long time, trust me.”

“i hoped you'd like it. s'why i bought it.”

“babe,” matty rests his head on your shoulder, sighing happily (you hope so, at least) when you softly caress the back of his neck. he slowly lifts it up, whispering in your ear and making you shiver in the best possible way. “and i know this is forward, but… shall we go outside and finish what we started earlier?”

fuck.

“yeah,” you breathe, smiling as matty pulls away from you to take your hand. “oh, wait - i still don't have a drink.”

“i have wine,” there's a hint of desperation in matty's voice; he seems to realise this, clearing his throat and smiling bashfully. yeah, you're done for. “promised i'd have it, didn't i?”

nodding, you tap the handbag still hanging from your shoulder. “and i have cigs.”

“the perfect woman. shall we?”

you nod, and matty gently leads you towards the back door of the house (with a detour to the wine rack to grab a bottle of red), ushering you through throngs of people with a feather-light touch to your lower back; as soft as it is, the contact has butterflies emerging from cocoons in your stomach that you didn't know were there, and you're actually quite sad when he removes his hand to open the door for you. carefully watching your step in your heels, you exit into the garden, look up, and grumble. behind you, matty follows suit. “well, fuck.”

the garden is almost as packed as the house, cigarette and vape and joint smoke rising from the people below and disappearing in the moonlit sky - not quite the secluded romantic setting either you or matty had evidently imagined. scanning for any sort of uninhabited spot, you notice a slightly-hidden section of low garden wall, shielded from the rest of the outdoor space by an unkempt patch of hedge, and quickly tug matty towards it. he speeds ahead of you when he sees where you're headed, shucking off his suit jacket and laying it on the mossy wall. “there you go, sweetheart.”

“matty,” your eyes widen. “you can't lay your jacket there! that thing costs more than my rent!”

“first of all, you live in kentish town, so no it doesn't. second of all,” he sits, patting the fabric as a sign for you to join him. “the wall's fucking freezing, and you're wearing the shortest dress of all time and no tights. you need some sort of barrier, darling.”

huffing, you sit on the jacket. “s'not the shortest dress of all time.”

“i personally have no issue with the length. quite the opposite, actually,” matty winks, unscrewing the top of the wine and passing you the bottle. “sorry, i should've grabbed glasses.”

you shrug, taking a swig. “well, if i must share germs with someone here, you're the best choice,” giggling, you pass the bottle back to matty, and dig in your bag for your marlboros and lighter. “shall we?”

he nods, smiling; you love the way his eyes look, illuminated by the flame. “you do know how to make a man feel special, darling.”

you aren't sure how long you stay like that with matty, drinking and smoking and chatting and laughing. time moves differently when you're with him, the only way you can measure it being in disappearances - firstly of the wine in the bottle, then the four cigarettes you had left in that particular pack, and of the people leaving the garden in dribs and drabs. despite the ever-dwindling crowd nearby, neither you nor matty try to reenact the almost-kiss from earlier; both of you seem to sense something other than your bic lighter sparking here, and you're more than happy to keep kindling it through conversation than risking a wild blaze, or worse, a complete extinguishing. only when the early morning becomes too cold to bear do you go back inside, hand in hand and animated as you yap away.

matty's incredulous. “this is the classiest new year's event you've ever been to? this? look, darling - actually, don't,” he covers your eyes with his hand until you get back into the hallway. “someone clearly went too hard on the midori there.”

you wince. “awful stuff.”

“i'm with you on that one. you know i agreed to do body shots off ross after drinking it at a party once?”

“no.”

“oh, yeah,” he shudders. “far better in theory than in execution.”

“the shots as a concept? or the fact it was ross you were doing them with?” you tilt your head, smiling shyly when you catch yourself. “sorry. i've just never done body shots.”

matty stops dead in his tracks, turning to look at you in complete bewilderment. “are you serious?”

you nod.

“but… but you look like that!” he splutters, gesturing wildly to you. “nobody ever propositioned you to let them lick salt from you? really?”

“they did not,” you pause, face twisting into a smirk. “are you propositioning me for that, matthew?”

his jaw drops. it stays that way for a good few seconds, actually, before he blinks and gives a smirk of his own. “would you like it if i did?”

oh, the bastard. still - what's the use in lying? “i would. and,” you move to whisper in his ear. “i wanna get my tongue on you, too.”

he moans. actually moans. and while you're still reeling from that, he leans back, and shouts at the top of his voice. “george!”

the man in question comes skidding through. “what? what's wrong?”

matty grins. “have you got any tequila?”

***

“i cannot believe you're doing this with him.”

ross's wife - pregnant, therefore sober, therefore the only person who can be trusted with the components of the shot - carefully pours a little trail of salt onto the juncture of your neck and shoulder. you smile, hyper-aware of not moving and knocking the full shot glass tucked between your boobs or the lime wedge resting on the swell of the right one. “why?”

she hums. “i thought you had good taste.”

“don't make me laugh, i'll spill the shot!”

“sorry,” she smiles. “maybe we should get matty over here before that happens, yeah?”

“s'pose,” you take as deep a breath as your new accessories allow, as your friend steps to the side. “oi, healy!”

he turns away from his conversation with george and ross, pretty eyes lighting up when he sees you sat ready on the kitchen counter. four strides, and he's in front of you. “hi, darling. still wanna do this?”

you smirk. “wouldn't have a shot glass in my tits if i didn't,” your smile widens as his pupils do the same. “whenever you're ready, gorgeous.”

so quickly you don't have time to react, matty kisses your nose. “this, genuinely, is one of the greatest privileges of my life. thank you,” he leans back, breathing deeply as if to prepare himself, then slots himself between your legs. “right, here goes.”

time starts to move weirdly again, the second matty gets his tongue on you. at the first touch, your eyes close, something within you urging you to let your other senses take over for the experience; initially, you do, inhaling the heady mix of cologne and cigarette smoke that's just so characteristically matty, and getting goosebumps at the slow movement of his flat tongue against your neck. but then he moves, and you feel hot breath on your chest, and your eyes fly open to watch him duck down and take the shot glass between his lips. he's blushing, obvious from the heat of his cheeks against your tits, but the flirty confidence is there as always in his eyes when he leans back up to take the shot itself - by the time he leans back down to bite the lime on your tit, teeth grazing the soft skin, you think your cheeks must be even warmer than his. it isn't out of embarrassment, despite the fact that you're colleagues, or your entire friend group seems to be watching, but rather out of passion, a unique form of desire your body only reserves for matty and matty alone.

yeah, you're fucked.

your friends cheer as matty pulls the lime rind from his lips, setting it down with a smile and moving to look at you properly again. “how was that?”

“very, very fun. thank you, angel,” you pull him in for a hug, fighting the urge to press a soft kiss to his neck. “you're good with your mouth, matty,” leaning back, you look up at him with the biggest doe eyes you can muster. “can i show you how good i am with mine, now?”

surprisingly, he doesn't cave at that like you thought he might; instead, it's you who caves, heat bursting in your stomach when matty slides his thumb across your lips. he smiles. “let's do it.”

he's gone before you can respond, moving things off the kitchen table while you breathe shakily at the counter. of course, that isn't helped at all when matty unbuttons his shirt, throwing the fabric to ross (who grimaces) before draping himself on the table in a very delectable way. “salt!”

ross's wife rolls her eyes, but moves to help prepare matty the same way she did with you. charli staggers over to you, swigging champagne directly from the bottle - you take a swig of your own when she holds it to you, and she giggles. “what even the fuck is going on?”

“shots, babe.”

“yeah, i know,” she rolls her eyes. “but i mean, like, you and matty,” blinking, she looks over at the table. “you're about to lick salt off his stomach. s'a bit of a sexy thing to do with your friend.”

“well, he is my best friend.”

“you know what i mean!” she wails. “you're telling me you'd straddle your best friend, and lick him?”

you smirk, sneaky. “i'd straddle and lick matty, yeah.”

“jesus,” charli's head turns at the sound of both your names, and she shoves you towards the table. “well, now's the time.”

doing your best not to smile too widely, you wander over to stand beside the table matty's lying on. he really does look incredible like this, shirtless under the spotlights, salt dotted in little piles from his hip tattoo (slightly underhanded of him, you think) all the way up to the one adorning his chest, shot glass between his lips with a lime wedge balanced on top. incapable of resisting the urge to touch him, you stroke his hair. “hi, gorgeous. you ready?”

matty winks, humming out a laugh when you return the motion; the noise fades into something that could be a moan when you manage to pull yourself onto the table, crawling up just enough to be able to lean down and flatten your tongue against his hip, just like you've dreamt about for months. beside you, his hands clench and then clutch the table, and that sign that you've affected him spurs you on, has you deciding to crawl slowly up his body and collect all the salt in one continuous lick. you can't stop the little moan of satisfaction that leaves your lips, and it sends matty into overdrive - his chest heaves, moans of his own reverberating through it, and you actually hear your friends gasp (and shriek, in charli's case) and someone murmur something like “oh my god, i feel like i'm intruding” and several pairs of footsteps leaving the room; when the salt is gone, and you manage to detach your tongue from the delectable man below you, it becomes evident that you and matty are alone. alone, for the first time since your interrupted almost-kiss earlier.

fuck it. might as well take advantage of that.

with as saccharine a smile as you can muster, you “readjust” yourself on matty's lap, smile widening at the combination of the way matty's hands move to clutch at your hips and the feeling of him hardening beneath your (definitely wet) panties. placing a hand on either side of his head, you lean forward, slowly, grinning once again at the way his eyes flick between your chest and face; you hover over his lips for a moment, then take the glass from his with your own, throwing your head back (and grinding down on matty for good measure) as you swallow the tequila and bite the lime before laying the glass and rind down.

matty laughs, eyes sparkling. “you're a pro, darling,” his hands squeeze your hips, rubbing up across your waist and back down. “you're also a fucking minx, you know that?”

you shrug. “well, you had me sit on your lap. what else was i to do, really, babe?”

“m'glad you did all that, sweetheart. makes this next bit easier for me, knowing how much you want me,” he smiles, warm and sweet. “what are you doing this friday night?”

“oh, that's easy,” you take his hands. “i'm going on a date with you.”

matty beams. “too fucking right you are.”

[anyasathenaeum]

I Need Some Sleep

A/N: Well, I wasn't kidding when I said I was gonna write the little scenario I described in this post and that nobody could stop me. I've always imagined dancing with Vash to this song from the Shrek 2 soundtrack because it reminds me so much of him. I listened to it while writing, so I encourage listening to it while you read. Enjoy. Warnings: Honestly, none, really. This one's wholesome, I swear

Sleepless nights weren't a new thing for Vash.

Over the many years he'd lived and spent wandering across the deserts of No Man's Land, he'd often found that sleep was just as elusive as the supposed Mayfly of love he had once joked about. Endless thoughts, what-ifs, and memories always seemed to haunt him once the glow of the moons was the only light left, and his mind never seemed to have an off switch. No matter what he did, no matter how many walks he took, no matter how much he tried to meditate or focus on trying to quiet his mind, sleep never seemed to come when he wanted it to.

As he stared at the ceiling of his little private cabin and listened to the steady rumble of the sandsteamer as it chugged along its route through the sand seas, Vash found himself feeling especially restless. He wondered to himself what it was that kept him awake this time - was it the usual, overwhelming sense of self-loathing he felt? Or the guilt that threatened to drown time every time he remembered that he'd failed to save somebody? Or was it just the worry he felt at the fact that you, his longtime travelling companion and one of his best and only friends, didn't end up in a cabin near his?

After what felt like at least a couple hours, Vash let out a deep sigh and gave up trying to identify the cause of his wakefulness, accepting that it was likely a result of a combination of all the things usually troubling him plus worry for you. Simultaneously, he decided to stop trying to force himself to sleep, knowing it would do him no good to continue trying at this point.

'Well... the least I can do is go make sure (Y/N)'s safe.' Vash thought to himself, standing and stretching while trying not to smash his head on the low ceiling of his cabin before quietly heading out to go check on you.

The sandsteamer almost felt abandoned. There wasn't a single soul in sight, not even a single straggler or drunk who'd lost their way back to their cabin. As Vash walked through the halls, he found himself thinking of you, wondering if you'd managed to fall asleep with the rumbling of the sandsteamer and the rare situation of having a room to yourself.

More often than not, you and Vash shared rooms and beds in inns, motels, or whatever accommodations you could find from time to time in order to save double-dollars, and the two of you were more accustomed to falling asleep with the other nearby, the sounds of the other's breathing and the way you both moved in sleep familiar to each other. So, to suddenly be greeted by complete and utter silence and a lack of your warmth was more than unsettling to Vash, more so than he cared to admit.

Not having you tucked up by his side as you slept felt... wrong.

He missed the feeling of your warmth against his body, the softness of you pressed up against him as you slept undisturbed, at peace by his side, peace that he brought you. He missed the sight of your face, somehow more youthful as you slumbered on. He missed the sound of your deep, steady breaths. He missed the scent of you and the way it would linger on his clothes the following morning.

He missed you.

However, Vash was quick to brush those thoughts away, shaking his head to himself as he approached your cabin. He couldn't be thinking about you like that. He couldn't be feeling about you like that. After all, it wouldn't be fair to you. You deserved better than the pitiful, stressful, touch-and go, unsettled life that Vash could offer you, even if he would love you better than anybody else ever could if you gave him the chance. In his eyes, in his mind, it wasn't enough for you. He wasn't enough for you. You deserved better.

However, all his self-deprecating thoughts disappeared the moment he realized that you weren't in your cabin.

'Where did you go?'

Trying hard to quell his rising panic, Vash decided to head up to the open-air decks first and look for you there, as he knew sometimes you, too, had difficulty sleeping. In those times, he tended to find you stargazing, your eyes glued to the heavens, mesmerized by the way the stars seemed to sparkle and dance in the night sky.

So, without wasting a second longer, Vash began to make his way up to the deck.

He walked much faster than he normally did, trying desperately to stop himself from breaking into a sprint all the way up to the deck and preventing his panic from overtaking him completely.

Yet, despite all his efforts, he found himself thinking on repeat, 'Please be safe. Please be safe. Oh, Gods, please let (Y/N) be safe.'

As Vash got up to the deck, he looked around for you, moving around as quickly as he could, desperation and fear beginning to take root in his heart when each place he searched came up empty.

Then, thankfully, he found you.

You sat on a bench on the deck, your head tilted up and your eyes on the heavens, watching the stars as the desert wind ruffled your clothes and hair. When you heard Vash's footsteps, you quickly glanced over to see who was approaching, your body tensing as if anticipating a fight. However, when you realized who it was, you quickly relaxed, an easy and genuine smile appearing on your lips.

"Oh, hey, Vash." You greeted your best friend with a small wave of your hand.

Trying hard not to let his relief be so obvious, Vash came over and sat on the bench next to you, smiling back at you warmly, "Hey, (Y/N). Couldn't sleep?"

"Nah," you answered, sighing softly as you leaned back against the bench, looking out at the endless dunes that passed as the sandsteamer chugged along. "It was simultaneously too loud and too quiet in my room. I couldn't get comfortable."

"I can understand that." Vash chuckled softly, following your gaze out onto the horizon. He let himself relax next to you, all his previous panic and worry fading away as he caught your scent, carried by the breeze.

A comfortable, familiar silence fell over the two of you as you sat there next to each other, taking in the sights of the sea of sand, the night sky and the moons that glowed bright enough to cast shadows. After a few minutes of silence, you allowed yourself to move a bit closer to Vash, letting your head rest on his shoulder as you let out a small sigh.

"It feels weird, sleeping without you being nearby." The words spilled from your lips before you could stop yourself. "I don't like it."

The flutter that Vash's heart gave betrayed the depth of his feelings for you, but he ignored it, focusing instead on answering quietly, "I don't like it, either. I'm not used to sleeping alone, anymore, I guess."

You found yourself looking up at the blonde gunman sitting next to you, a curious look on your face and a hint of worry seeping into your words. "Is that a bad thing?"

Vash couldn't stop himself from looking down at you, his eyes meeting yours as he pondered the answer. Then, after a couple moments, his lips turned upward into a small, amused smile. "No. It's not a bad thing."

You could feel your body relaxing slightly as you let out a breath you hadn't even realized you had been holding. Vash wanted to laugh at just how endearing your obvious relief was, but he restrained himself, instead turning his head so he could tear his gaze away from you, his heart pounding frantically in his chest.

After a couple more moments of comfortable silence between the two of you, you whispered softly, "You need some sleep, Vash."

Your care and concern for him was so obvious, your every word and the tone of your voice so telling that it made Vash want to scream. Instead, he simply offered you a quiet, weak laugh, "Yeah, I know. I just can't seem to get my mind to quiet down is all."

That made you pull away from him, your gaze remaining fixed on his face as you studied him carefully. You knew that Vash struggled with a lot more than what he shared with you, and that he carried a lot more scars than just the physical ones that marred his body. There were scars on his soul, more than you could ever think to know. You could only imagine how heavy a weight he carried on his shoulders and in his heart, and how badly you wished that he'd share some of the load with you. You knew better, though, than forcing him to do so, and you knew that when and if he decided to share any of the burden with you that you would carry it gladly.

Wordlessly, you stood up from the bench, turning so you were facing Vash and extending your hand out to him. Vash looked up at you quizzically, clearly not understanding what was going on. The determination and glint of something he couldn't place in your eyes, however, led him to offer you his prosthetic hand, gently resting it in yours.

Without hesitation, you tugged on his hand gently, clearly wanting him to stand with you. Vash followed your silent requests without complaint or question, but his curious expression remained, his blue eyes trained on your every move. As the two of you stood, you guided one of Vash's hands to your waist, trying hard not to let the heat rise to your face as you did so, before taking his other hand in yours and resting your free hand on his shoulder. Then, slowly, you began to sway the two of you back and forth, as if to some tune.

After a couple seconds, Vash settled into his stance, allowing himself to sway with you on the spot, a small chuckle escaping him. "(Y/N)? What are we doing?"

"Isn't it obvious, Stampede?" You replied, looking up at him with a playful little smile. "We're dancing."

"I figured that much out for myself, oddly enough." Vash answered with a proper laugh, his smile becoming more genuine as he kept his warm gaze on you. "I meant more along the lines of "why are we dancing?"."

You shrugged. "It seemed like a nice night for a dance."

Vash couldn't help but laugh softly at your reasoning, and he let himself relax and enjoy the gentle swaying of the two of you. Tightening his grip on your waist, he gently began to turn the two of you as you swayed, both of you completely unbothered by the lack of music. The thrumming of the sandsteamer's engine, the whistling of the wind, the shifting whisper of the sands, were your music.

You found yourself getting closer and closer to Vash the longer the two of you danced together, unsure if it was you stepping closer to him or him pulling you in or some combination of the two, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. As your head came to rest on his chest and you felt Vash rest his chin on the top of your head, you let your eyes close, focusing on the feeling of Vash against you.

He was your safe space. Your home, in every way that it mattered. Your heart was his, even if he didn't know it, and always would be. And right now, on the deck of the sandsteamer, there was only the two of you in the world, as far as you were concerned. You knew that Vash needed some way to get his mind off his worries so that he could rest, and maybe, just maybe, this would do the trick.

Meanwhile, Vash finally felt his mind fall quiet, his focus solely on you and holding you close to him as the two of you gently rocked from side to side in time to some silent tune. Somehow, just the feeling of you in his arms and dancing with you in the middle of the night on the deck of a sandsteamer was enough to pull him away from the suffering that plagued his mind. You were a soothing balm to the torn, raw and bleeding mess that was his soul.

"You finally dozin' off on me, (Y/N)?" Vash's voice teased you playfully after a couple minutes of silence, a gentle undertone to his words.

You reopened your eyes, pulling your head away from his chest so you could look up into his eyes. "Not yet. I'm just enjoying this. Besides, I don't think I'll be able to sleep when I'm alone again."

A slight frown appeared on Vash's face at your statement, and he whispered back before he could stop himself, "You don't have to be alone."

Your eyes widened as you looked at him, and you could've sworn you saw his cheeks and the tips of his ears darken slightly as he said that. Uncertainty filled you, but so did the overwhelming need to accept Vash's thinly-veiled offer.

All you could bring yourself to ask was, "Are you sure?"

Vash nodded slowly, his eyes not leaving yours for a moment despite the deepening of his blush. "I'm sure. I'd prefer to have you nearby, anyways. It always makes me nervous when you're not close enough for me to protect you."

That made your heart flutter wildly in your chest, and you could feel the heat rising to your own face now as you answered, "You don't always have to protect me, you know?"

Something in Vash's face shifted, a resoluteness taking its place in his eyes as he looked at you, his voice firm and leaving no place for argument or negotiation. "Yes, I do, (Y/N)."

You felt the heat in your face intensify at his resolve and determination to protect you, and while you desperately wanted to ask him where this was coming from, you didn't have the courage to start down that road.

Not yet.

Instead, you asked quietly, "Should we head back, then?"

You could've sworn you felt Vash's grip on your waist tighten a bit, pressing you against him just a little more than before. His expression became warm and tender as he continued to spin the two of you, something you couldn't quite identify shining in his eyes and a genuine smile appearing on his lips.

"Not yet. We've only just gotten started."

[ourfag]

stede approximately 7 hours after meeting ed (they have been talking this whole time): —especially wildflowers cuz i hardly ever saw any. my father’s house—he kept the lawn completely manicured, just this…depressingly plain…… er, plane

ed: a plain plane?

stede, moving his hand back and forth parallel to the ground (to indicate a plane): that’s right, it was—well, it was sort of a…small plain, i guess, landscape-wise, but it—a really plain plane of a plain

ed, following every word of this: sounds like a pain

stede: fuck ugly. all that grass and no bugs!

ed, now sort of seeing the appeal when you phrase it like that but not saying anything bc fuck dads and fuck the rich and also he thinks its hot when stede complains: like a golf course

stede: eerily like a golf course

ed: did y—actually, i’m afraid to ask.

stede: ooh, go on

ed: …did you ever use it at all? like, for…fancy people barbecues, or…?

stede, becoming increasingly irate about it all: not even—we mowed it, is what we did with it. and we had—my father’d got it from his father, it was—he had me using this little—one of those lawnmowers that look like egg beaters, y’know—

ed: awwwgh, the old-timey ones?

stede: like a push-along that also cuts people’s fingers off

ed: did you cut anybody’s fingers off?

stede: i came pretty damn close once

ed: physically or emotionally

stede: emotionally, mostly. i had a wishlist to santa on the line, i wasn’t gonna risk that

ed: you had—hang on, how old were you when this was happening

stede: i think i was about fifteen

ed:

stede: NOBODY TOLD ME!!!

ed: bro

stede: if anything i think my parents kept it going on purpose. so it’s him i’d get upset with

ed: oh you didn’t like santa then

stede: such a relief to learn he’s made up, i thought he hated me

ed: oh no. what??? why? what the fuck’d they do to you??

stede: nothing egregious, just….. every year i’d write to him, and i’d be explicit about what type of thing i definitely didn’t want, and every christmas that’s what he got me. bb guns, boxing gloves, g. i. joe…

ed: :(

stede: …paraphernalia from dad’s alma mater…there was one year i got to the bottom of the stairs and went, “oh god, santa’s fucked it. that’s all clearly meant for someone else.” so every year after that, santa put my name on everything. just to make sure i knew. embossed, sometimes.

ed: aw. mate, if i’m honest, that does strike me as kind of egregious

stede: well, they were nice things

ed: yeah but he knew you didn’t want em and he gave em to you anyway when they could’ve gone to, i dunno, some rough-and-tumble kid who’d be over the moon about a bb gun… what were you hoping for? what did stede want?

stede: i remember the big one i asked for was always a lawnmower

ed:

ed: OHHH yeah to liberate you from the push-along?

stede: all the time i was push-alonging i’d have daydreams about those big rideable ones

ed’s brain (separately from ed): any lawnmower’s rideable if you’re enough of a pervert

ed, internally, to his brain: i cannot fucking say that to him

ed’s mouth, without permission: any lawnmower—

ed:

stede: ?

ed, sweating: an—an-any lawnmower jokes?

stede, face lighting up because nobody’s asked him that before and he’s got half a dozen ready to go: OOH YES HERE’S ONE—

[just-null]

PET AU?????!!!! Oh mighty cult leader please give us, your greatful pitful annons, your divine words and opinions (I would cuddle the heck out of all of themm!!!)

As you wish, my beloved cult member!!

this is more of an explanation of the universe than headcanons. Those will be next, but I hope it's still interesting!! This will be tagged under "null kny pet au" to not be confused with anyone else's version

Long story short— reincarnation is a thing here! Bad people turn into animals and go through an endless cycle over and over until they've truly repented for their misdeeds.

To make things interesting, I bent the rules of how things usually work! This is my version of a pet au, and of course, is still yandere because your cult leader is an addict. I'M SORRY IF YOU WERE EXPECTING FLUFF.... THATS LATER. TRUST!!!!!!!!!

[CW! dark themes, alluding to past trauma and "self exit," self destructive behaviors(?), sedation and drugs, dehumanization(?), yandere obsessive goodness]

The pet aspect of this au!

Demons are hybrids who're likely to restart their cycle, giving them their nickname of lost souls. Human characters are hybrids at the pinnacle of rehabilitation, referred to as guiding souls. And you, who's nearby their hybrid shelter. Either working in it or being in its vicinity.

Guiding souls are allowed to be housed by responsible candidates, but it's unlikely for lost souls. Either way the problem is they turn everyone away except you.

Both guiding souls and lost souls have a deep rooted affection towards you. You definitely don't remember it, but they've been with you for many, many, MANY life times, always restarting and eagerly awaiting for stage three and four of the cycle to find you again.

Lower and Upper moons + Muzan have reincarnated more times than you can fathom, yet they can remember most of them. Their psyche is fragile and incredibly hostile towards almost anybody. Not recommended for new staff or housing candidates.

Slayers + Ubuyashiki reincarnated more than average. They committed sins they're ashamed of and show great promise for change. They're practically regular model citizens, except for the occasional outburst. Very well liked by staff and potential housing candidates!!

Guiding souls and lost souls are separated in the shelter but are occasionally allowed to roam and interact with each other. They bicker at best and get into full fist fights at worst. It's highly recommended to be gentle but firm with both. Only guiding and lost souls have both seen and experienced the worst of what life can offer, and staff don't want to cause a frenzy by startling them.

———

They're not always transparent with their thoughts. It's more than likely that they don't tell you about their experiences as most would rather focus on their life now rather than how it used to be or what's coming next. Some will tell you if asked, others will dance around it, and others initially refuse.

Still, they'll go through the agony and pain of life after miserable life again and again if it meant being blessed by your light in one of them.

If they're able to have feelings this intense for one being, lost souls refuse to see themselves in the wrong. Feelings like this should be praised. They should be considered good in the eyes of the divine, shouldn't it? What if the universe is wrong for once, huh?! They've lied, cheated, stole, hurt, even killed all to be able to get to you sooner. To feel you again! Their feelings for you are so pure, there's no way it could possibly be another reason to restart!! Even if it was, does it really matter?! What the universe dictates is irrelevant anyway, you're their choice and always will be. So long as you have a soul that continues to shine brightly, they'll find their way towards you when the cycle restarts. Guiding souls are.. anxious. They want to do good by you, want to be seen with love like they've achieved before, want to get to know every version of you and fall in love with every iteration. The finish line is RIGHT there, they know this, it's always been so close, and they'll be able to live by your side as equals.. But they know if they complete the cycle, complete stage four, become fully reborn, they won't remember you. After so many horrible lives lived, they finally understood what it meant to be remorseful about what led them into this mess. Saying that, they can't bring themselves to let go of you. What's the point in living a peaceful existence when there will always be a part of them missing? That's why they "personally restart" their cycle, uncaring that they're so close to forgiveness.

Not every life was kind on them. Silver lining, at least they know they have a new body without the physical scars of their experiences anymore, and of course, you! Though.. even you were harsh sometimes, but they'd rather pull all their teeth out than leave your side. Preferably, they hope you'll throw them a bone and be cordial at least, but if you want to beat, scream, or drive them away, they'll always come back. No matter what you do, they'll forever be loyal to you and you only.

If this is what it takes, they'll love you over and over in this never ending torturous loop until time ends, so until then, spare them a glance, yeah? You don't know how much they've missed you..

—————

Unnecessarily detailed lore:

SHORT STORY LONG, reincarnation is real here, and it's commonly known that when bad people die, their soul is reborn into an animal. Bad meaning murder, assault, ruining someone's life, intense crimes like that. It can be avoided if the soul had no other choice or feels deep remorse prior to their human life ending.

Failure to meet those requirements begins "the cycle." Each lifetime is a show of dedication to turn back into a full human. A step towards forgiveness from the world they wronged. Souls will retain the excruciating memory of their lives before, only given the mercy of forgetting and keeping the wisdom they earned once they're reborn into a full blooded human.

Animals who're just animals exist, but it's extremely difficult to tell who's a soul under trial and who's not.

It starts off simple, an insect. Depending on how bad the soul was, they'll be something that has a difficult life, like those moths that starve to death upon entering adulthood. Souls will always progress to the next stage after this one, temporarily forgetting about their previous lives.

The next life is exactly the same, but souls regain the ability to remember all their past lives again.

Next is a land mammal or aquatic creature, something easier than before, but still not strong enough to cause havoc. They have a little more intelligence than before.

Then souls become half human, half animal, or more commonly known, hybrids. They might as well be human with animal characteristics, but due to societal interference and their history, they're regarded as subhuman. Like pets.

Lastly, they are fully human, where they get to keep their appreciation for life and forget the past.

The real test is during stage four. If the soul proves to have learned nothing from their previous lives, they'll restart the cycle from the beginning and try again. Ending their life will not count and only restart the cycle. They must die of natural causes.

Extra notes:

There are souls who've restarted numerous times that when they reach stage four again, they're very fragile or aggressive. Due to this, humans adapted to shelter them and help give them another chance at life. It's not uncommon for these souls to try and use their memories to give themselves an upper hand in their next life, forcing humans to give them less autonomy. The more aggressive a soul the more humans will have to use force to keep them down such as sedation, muzzling, restraints. It's often used for lost and guiding souls out of any other type of hybrid but used as a last resort. Risks like these are one of the main reason why hybrids aren't allowed on the streets without supervision or an owner. Souls under trial can get attached to one another, familial wise, platonically, or romantically. As a twisted sense of both mercy and punishment, the world allows them to be reborn together. The cruel part comes when the older of the pair is the first to be reborn, leaving the younger to follow when it's their time. At least they know that the world will allow them to find each other once again in the next life. Sometimes, souls under trial try finding the human soul they've grown attached to in stages three and four, in this case, you. Because of the never ending cycle of punishment, they crave your hold, your care, your love. You. They want to get back to you as soon as possible, and if that means coming to you as a small animal first, then so be it. Some have probably done that numerous times before.

Truly, reincarnated souls who've grown attached to someone are dangerous both to others and themselves. They'll do anything for their human and let their human do anything them.

The current life cycle where this au takes place is one of the best life times they've all had. So yes, cuddling them is like winning the jackpot!