#any webcomic that's been finished for a good few years

[shuublebunny]

Shoutout to all my fandoms with like 12 active members. I see you, and I love you. Please never stop creating your fanworks. I love them all sm and if I could give each one of you a little kiss on the forehead, I would

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

Blaire Hopburn: My Favourite Character From My Least Favourite Piece of Media

So there's this webcomic called Lease Bound. It's set in Australia in 2017, and it follows Jaden and Riley, two lesbians forced to share an apartment after a mix-up with their leases (hence the title).

It was promoted as a lesbian love story, but it soon became pretty notorious for transphobia.

Jaden works as a bouncer for a female-only lesbian bar, and in Chapter 3, she refuses to let in three trans women, who don't take it well. The webcomic was heavily criticised for the way the trans women were drawn and how they behaved.

Years later, Lease Bound is still being updated regularly - in fact, Chapter 11 introduced a load of trans men and enby characters.

I've been following the updates for a while. The webcomic expresses a lot of views that I do not agree with - namely, that trans women are dangerous perverted men, and that trans men and enbies are either attention-seeking straight women or queer women too scared to question the "trans ideology cult".

And yet I keep coming back. It's partly out of morbid curiosity, to see what on Earth is going to happen next. But I think it's also because of one character I actually quite like.

Blaire Hopburn.

Blaire is Riley's bisexual girlfriend. She works at the same shop as Riley, in a slightly more senior position. She's also studying cosmetology at university and is part of its LGBTQIA+ club.

In a comic that's been so heavily criticised (and rightly so), what makes Blaire so appealing to me?

It's partly because of her personality. The Cast Page describes her as "a passionate, bubbly woman, who always strives to do what she believes is right… Even if not everyone else agrees." I generally like characters with those traits. I enjoy watching people who try to be good and make an effort to help others, but don't always do it in the best way.

And another reason I like Blaire is because I read her as autistic.

Blaire Hopburn: Accidentally Autistic?

Quite a few of Blaire's personality traits are things that I, as an autistic person, relate to a lot.

The author has described Blaire as, "So good at picking up when someone is upset, or not looking after themselves, so bad at reading the room regarding how to act." That could resonate with any autistic people who are high on empathy but low on social skills. You feel other people's pain, you want to help them, but you're not sure how. And what you try seems to make things worse.

This aspect of Blaire is present in Chapter 8, on Pages 2 and 3, when she and Jaden make conversation while erecting a bunk bed:

Blaire: So Jaden, is this your first move out of home? Jaden: I know it's a little later than most people... Blaire: Not judging! My 'rents insisted I stay home until I finish studying. Jaden: Oh nice. What are you studying? Blaire: Cosmetology! I tried early childcare and psychology too, but I couldn't handle that sort of selfless responsibility, haha! Jaden: Oh man, I feel that. My mum's in aged care, and takes care of my Nana now. I could not do what she does for a living, haha. Blaire: Do you think you took longer to move out because you felt guilty leaving your mum with your Nana? Jaden: How many years of psychology did you do...? Blaire: Sorry, that was a total guess! I didn't even last a full year!! Jaden: Could've fooled me, haha.

Thankfully, Jaden is nice enough to let that awkward moment pass, but she could have reacted to Blaire's psychoanalysis in a much worse way.

We also see Blaire being bad at socialising on Chapter 9 Page 17. Riley and Blaire have witnessed Jaden having an argument with her mum, and after her mum leaves, Blaire asks Jaden about it:

Blaire: Did you want to talk about what happened with your mum, Jaden? Riley: BLAIRE...! Jaden: Hey, it's okay. I have been a bit of a downer... Sorry. Riley: No, you don't have to apologise! Blaire: Yeah, it just sounded pretty upsetting. Jaden: You could say that, haha...

That feels very much like something a person would do when they sense something is wrong and zero in on one way of dealing with it. "Come on, let's talk about our feelings! A problem shared is a problem halved, right? Right?"

There's even a point in Chapter 8 where Blaire muses, "Sometimes it feels like Muddles [Riley's pet cat] is able to comfort Riley in ways that I just can't..." Can you imagine how galling it must feel, knowing that a pet, a creature that can't even speak English, is better at helping your girlfriend than you are?

Ouch.

In addition, Blaire's desire to learn about trans topics and be a good trans ally reads a lot like a special interest to me.

Especially the fact that she randomly brings up trans people in conversation, seemingly apropos nothing at all:

Blaire: Sorry I ditched you, babe. Auntie's keen for me to learn stock ordering. Riley: As long as you don't forget about me when you're a fully fledged store manager. Blaire: Never! So how'd the bunk end up treating you? Riley: Big upgrade from being on the floor. Blaire: And did Mudz approve? Riley: She was up there with me by morning. Blaire: Damn, that is good! Do you think Jaden could be trans?

That conversation with Riley had nothing to do with trans stuff, so Blaire's question is a bolt from the blue. I suspect the thought of Jaden being trans had been playing on Blaire's mind all day, and she was eager to grab the first chance to discuss it with someone.

She does something similar in a reply to an Anon question from when the author still had Tumblr:

Anon: Compared to others of her demographic, I gotta give Blaire props for dating a butch gal and treating her well. Blaire: Of course! Butches deserve nothing but love! And that goes DOUBLE for trans women!

Again, that Anon didn't mention trans people at all, but Blaire still brought them up. She was just itching to infodump about trans rights, I just know it.

But Blaire's connection to trans stuff leads to the issues I have with the way she's being written.

Blaire Hopburn: Pretty Problematic?

I really don't like how Blaire is currently being utilised in the story. Mainly because she's made out to be kind-of an idiot. She doesn't notice when she's making her girlfriend feel uncomfortable. And she's quite bad at picking up on social cues more generally.

This is demonstrated in Chapter 11 on Pages 31 and 32. Blaire is conversing with Violet, Jaden's coworker, about Violet's daughter Faith. The view Blaire expresses is the strawman argument often used against trans people and their allies - the supposition that we believe that not conforming to your expected gender norms means you must be trans.

Violet: Oh, and thanks for being patient with Faith. I know she's a bit of a handful! Blaire: It's like you said: they're just very passionate. Just not about dresses and skirts, huh?

Violet's response is interesting, as is Blaire's train of thought after the exchange:

Violet: NOPE! And I couldn't be happier! It makes buying HER clothes so much simpler! I hope SHE will steer clear of razors and makeup in HER teen years too, haha! Anyway, I best be getting my DAUGHTER to bed. See you at Ballroom Night! VROOM! Blaire: ... Blaire: (thinking) Dang it... It looks like Violet needs more help than I first thought... The sooner I get these [leaflets] to her the more time little Faith will have to choose what kind of body they want as an adult...!

Blaire didn't realise that Violet was emphasising the gendered ways to describe Faith because Violet already knows about trans stuff and rejects it. Instead, she just assumed Violet was ignorant and needed some educational leaflets.

(And Blaire also didn't notice the insult hidden in Violet's words. Blaire clearly shaves and wears makeup, so Violet was basically saying she hopes Faith doesn't turn out like Blaire. But Blaire has no reaction to that.)

Blaire is clearly not the best at detecting what people are implying. But that's being written in an exaggerated way, to satirise belief in "trans ideology" as stupid and in denial of reality.

It can almost feel as if Blaire is being portrayed as bad because of her autistic traits.

The author has addressed this in a comment on one of the bonus comic pages that came out after Chapter 11:

Important to keep in mind that none of the characters are written to be autistic. So Blaire isn’t being made into a villain or singled out for being autistic. In fact, a lot of her "social missteps" are a positive side to her character. Like she's pushy about gender nonsense, but she's also pushy when it comes to making sure her friends take care of themselves (making sure Jaden was getting her share of pancakes, pointing it out fully). She pushes because she cares. It has both positive and negative outcomes.

The trouble is, just because it wasn't the author's intention doesn't mean that's not how it looks. I know I'm not the only one who sees Blaire as autistic-coded.

And when Blaire's difficulties with social interaction are being played up in conversations about trans people, she isn't being written as a character. She's being used as a tool to poke fun at "the trans cult".

That's what annoys me about her portrayal. She isn't allowed to just be a character in a story - a nice, well-meaning but inexperienced girlfriend who happens to take an interest in trans rights. She has to be an extreme strawman of a trans ally, to push the author's anti-trans agenda.

Blaire Hopburn: Vicious Villain?

One of the webcomic's extra features is an "Actor AU", which includes this interview with Blaire's "actress":

Interviewer: Your character is quite controversial isn't she? Lots of people want her killed off and others are holding out hope for some sort of redemption. Which camp are you in, haha? Blaire's Actress: Neither. Interviewer: Oh...? Blaire's Actress: I actually like evil female characters. There's all these memes about deranged women, malicious women, heartless women... But when one does come along they want her removed or fundamentally changed before she's even spread her wings. Interviewer: Do you think fan opinion might change once Blaire ... takes flight? Blaire's Actress: I hope so. Realistically, both extreme camps will probably end up disappointed. But there's plenty of other great stuff to watch for. Will just have to burn the "Blaire bridge" when we come to it.

The funny thing is that the fans who comment on Lease Bound act as though Blaire is already a horrible person, but ... she really isn't?

At her worst, she's so focused on being a good trans ally that she neglects to check in with how others feel. But that's hardly "deranged" or "malicious" or "heartless", is it? Unless you already believe that supporting "trans ideology" makes you at least one of those things.

The closest thing I see to Blaire being villainous is in the first of the "When Riley Met Brick" bonus pages.

Blaire: Exploring your femininity in a non-traumatic way might help make things clearer too. Riley: O-okay. Blaire: Why don't we go dress shopping later this week, then? Riley: U-uh... I'm not really... They never feel good. Blaire: Cute plus-size options have come a long way in the last few years. It won't be frumpy like the stuff from your old congregation, I promise! Riley: O-okay... *** Blaire: Well, what do you think? Riley: It's... I feel like I can't breathe... Blaire: Huh? But it's so loose and flow-y... Do you need a bigger size? Riley: N-no, please, get it off. OFF! OFF!! Blaire: Riles! Hey, hey! Don't thrash like that, you'll rip it! Here' I'm untying it, see? Riley: ... Blaire: So, no tie-arounds, zippers or buttons... How about this one? You just pull it straight over your head! Riley: I can't... Please, no more... Blaire: Hmm... I think we need to talk to someone who has a bit more expertise than me, baby...

Blaire is forcing Riley to try on dresses and do something she's really uncomfortable with, until Riley is screaming and thrashing about. That does seem very, very bad. But I wonder if there's more to this than meets the eye.

Riley's backstory hasn't been shown in the webcomic yet, but the author has said that she grew up in a religious cult where she was only allowed to wear dresses, never trousers. Blaire presumably doesn't fully understand how bad Riley's past was, as she assumes the issue is with the style of the dresses Riley has tried so far.

In an extra cast reply (and it's debatable how canon it is), Blaire does seem to grasp that what Riley has gone through was traumatising:

Blaire: Riley's discomfort with femininity is from being forced into it as a kid. That doesn't mean she HATES girly stuff, she just has internalised misogyny to work through at her own pace!

Yes, Blaire is going about things in the wrong way. But ... she kind-of has a point? I certainly wouldn't call it "internalised misogyny", but it is trauma, and that needs addressing.

Not wanting to wear dresses isn't a problem, but the reason for it can be. Riley's discomfort is clearly rooted in pretty serious trauma, and she needs to be able to sit down with someone and work through that. Sadly, she's not yet confident enough to open up fully about it.

And even if she could, Blaire isn't the right person to do this with. Blaire did study psychology briefly at university, but she didn't last a full year. Her idea of helping Riley is taking her to see Brick, a non-binary person ... who's training to be a veterinary nurse, not a human therapist. Blaire is nowhere near qualified to give Riley the help she needs.

I don't see this as an evil trans ally preying on a poor little lesbian. I see this as two flawed women talking past each other, trying and failing to understand each other, ill-equipped to cope with each other's issues.

And then the other "villainous Blaire" moment is at the end of "When Riley Met Brick", as Blaire criticises Riley for the way she talks to Brick:

Riley: Maybe I'm just feeling a bit confused because I've never met a trans person befor- Brick: THAT is an assumption rooted in transphobic bias! Trans people aren't a monolith! You can't tell who's trans just by looking at them! Riley: Sorry, I didn't know...! Blaire: You know what they say about assuming babe... Riley: I swear I didn't mean to... Blaire: You need to choose your words with more care. Riley: Right... I'm really sorry...

The dark colours, Blaire's body language and ominous words, the top-down perspective on the scared-looking Riley ... this page is trying to make us see Blaire as in the wrong and Riley as her victim. We're meant to judge her for putting her zealousness for trans acceptance before her concern for her girlfriend's feelings.

That's the last time we've seen Blaire in the webcomic so far, but she's due to reappear in Chapter 13. It seems as though the author is planning to do something big with Blaire - something that will cement her as the villain of Lease Bound. But it hasn't happened yet. And I'm curious to see what it is.

I suspect it's something to do with Blaire being in a more senior position at Riley's workplace, as well as the fact that her aunt works there. There's a risk that Blaire could use her influence with her aunt to force Riley out of a job, after a major disagreement over trans rights or something.

But based on what we've seen so far in the webcomic, I can't picture Blaire doing something like that. She just doesn't seem like the kind of person to do something so extreme.

Basically, it's going to take a lot to convince me that Blaire Hopburn is an irredeemable monster.

TL;DR Lease Bound is massively problematic. The one bright spot for me is Blaire, the nice, eager-to-help, slightly autistic-coded bi lady. Unfortunately, she keeps being turned into a caricature to mock those who support trans rights, and that bothers me.

[beekeeperspicnic]

Hi, I was just wondering if you had any tips for people scared of embarking on a long and time consuming project like game development. Seeing your progress is really inspiring and it got me thinking.. how do you deal with it all without feeling overwhelmed? (Perhaps you have a stronger mind and will than I do and the answer is that simple lol but I still wanted to ask)

Btw I'm absolutely loving the game so far and I cannot wait to play the whole thing! 💕

Oooh thank you very much, I'm pleased you're looking forwards to the game and this is a really good question!

I feel like I actually really struggle with feeling overwhelmed by projects. I have friends who have been creating the same webcomic for five, ten, fifteen years, and I find the idea of committing to that so scary! I naturally seem to latch onto a new thing every few years.

For that reason, I tend to flit between creative projects that I can finish in a year or two.

So my advice is:

Start with a project small enough that it doesn't feel overwhelming. Small things are great! Short comics, short games, short interactive experiences! And sometimes they can build up into something bigger - I made lots of short comics over five years or so, and over time I had enough to collect into a book!

If you want to do a longer project, it's great if you can plan points at which you can pull an escape cord and say "I'm done with this now" but still have a completed product of some kind. With The Beekeeper's Picnic, first I made a "proof of concept" demo which was just testing the idea of having a character walking around Holmes' cottage and garden. If I'd wanted, I could have left things there, and I'd have still had a little thing to show off that people could have enjoyed playing. Or, I could have developed things from there into a much much shorter game if I felt I was losing interest. Similarly with comics, I've sometimes made them episodic so that I knew I could wrap them up neatly.

I hope that helps!

[aquilacalvitium]

New Introductory Post

Ayo waddup it's your friendly neighbourhood Queer, Depressed Asshole™

I'm trying to reclaim a bit of internet anonymity so I'm not going into detail.

Pronouns: They/It

Name: You can call me Aquila. I used to be Legacy, but recently changed my name to something I won't be putting here. Though it may show up in a future post or something idk.

Age: Older than I should be, not as young as I'd like to be but generally still quite young.

Notable Tags: [Aquila Thinks] for original posts, [Aquila answers] for answered asks, [Aquila rants] for when I need to blow off some steam, [Aquila's polls] for polls, [Aquila writes] for any stories (or sometimes special interest essays) I write, [Aquila's special interests] for posts about any of my special interests - past or present. [I think I'm funny] for when I make a post or addition to another post that makes me laugh or at least chuckle. [Aquila's dw thoughts] aquila thinks but specifically for Doctor Who because I have long-term DW brainrot. [Aquila reads dracula] it's a really fucking good book, what can I say?

All of these tags will be on this post so you can just tap 'em and explore 'em. Except for [Aquila rants].

Current projects: Jet is an original novel that's been in the works since around 2016/2017. It's slow going, but this story means the world to me so I WILL get it finished. Even if it takes a few years.

@poffins-n-puffs is a furry pokemon webcomic set in Unova. Pages are slow, but I hope to speed them up soon.

Side Blogs: @aquilas-designs - my art/furry blog. I'm quite active there and I think I'm a pretty good artist, all things considered. I also post all my fursuit stuff there.

@poffins-n-puffs - My furry pokemom webcomic. Pages are very slow, but I have a plan in place to speed them up 🤞

@aquilacraft - My minecraft blog. I usually post about Hermitcraft but it's also for general minecraft.

@jointhephantomtomorrow - A sideblog created for my previous special interest which I just don't have the heart to delete. May revamp it for my latest special interest, idk.

@autisticpuppethorror - A sideblog for the Welcome Home ARG because it infected my brain BADLY.

[twisted-tales-of-all]

Frauds and Festivities

Summary: You and your boyfriend have been drifting away for the past couple of weeks. It's god-awful timing though, as the planned holiday trip with your friend creeps around the corner. After deciding to stick it out through the holidays, you manage to get on each other's nerves more than ever before, but you must find a way to keep up the act. Pairing: Jongho x afab!Reader Genre: angst, smut, one-shot, collab Tropes: established relationship, break-up fic, forced proximity/only one bed, loveless lust, lovers to FWBs, falling out of love Word Count: 5.3K Contains: cursing, alcohol, some discussion of difficult emotions, pet names (babe, baby, sir, good girl), teasing, (very slight) predator/prey dynamic, switch!Jongho, switch!reader, thigh riding, praise, marking, biting, hair pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex, clit play, breast/nipple play, overstimulation, creampie, begging, handjob, blowjob A/N: Welcome to Our second submission to the 16 Days of Smutmas! Please be sure to check out all the other works in the masterlist, as it's such an amazing collection of writers <3 (also this one isn’t as thoroughly edited as usual, so apologies for any mistakes!)

"I can't keep doing this!" Pushing back your chair, you scream.

You break the awkward silence at dinner, finally sick of acting like you and your boyfriend have been perfectly fine these past few weeks. How can you be in a relationship if the time between you is in a tense silence for more than half the time? Not to mention the fact that you fight whenever you do speak, sometimes over the most minimal things.

As your boyfriend continues eating and ignoring you, you continue, "How can you act like everything is fine? This isn't normal! We actually used enjoy each other's presence, you know?! Say something, for fuck's sake!"

Jongho slowly looks up at you. He finishes chewing before calmly speaking, "There's no way we can break up yet. We both put money towards the trip next week, and it's non-refundable. Unless you pay me for my portion, I'm still going. And I doubt you'll waste your money by dropping out either."

"Shit." You plop back into your chair as you realize his point.

You can't ruin the mood of the trip by breaking up, not when everyone is going with their respective partners. And he's right, you're both too stubborn to lose money by dropping out or paying the other to stay home.

"How are we going to do this then?"

With a shrug, Jongho replies, "I'm always well composed, and it can't be that hard to act like we still love each other. We loved each other for over two years now, so we know how it should work. As long as you stay composed when the others are around, we should be fine."

Fuming at his insistence that you're solely at fault, you bite back, "Then don't push buttons. I'm fine as long as you don't tick me off. Let's not meet up again until the day we leave for the trip, so we have some peace and quiet before it."

Agreeing with your plan, Jongho returns to finishing his dinner in silence. You clean up your plate and head to your room, asking your boyfriend to clean up his plate and see himself out whenever he finishes eating. You sit on the edge of your bed, silently reading your webcomics and listening to the sounds of dishes clinking in the kitchen sink. As you hear your front door close, you let out a sigh and throw yourself back against the plush bedding.

"We just have to pretend to still love each other." You say it in a way that reeks of desperation, as if trying to convince yourself that it won't be too hard.

In reality, you probably fell out of love with Jongho last month. Nothing happened to cause it - nothing you can pinpoint, at least - but you both felt it so clearly. There's no way of even knowing who lost feelings first; it happened around the same time. People always preach that there's no such thing as a mutual breakup, but this has to be the closest thing to it, right? Granted, you aren't exactly broken up yet, so it can't count when things might change.

Your week passes far too quickly. The calm, quiet week places you in such a good mood, but you remember that you'll be acting for the next four days, so you have to pack and mentally prepare yourself for the journey. To make things more believable, Jongho suggests driving up to the lodge together. Although you'd rather not, putting on a convincing act from the start takes precedence over your feelings.

When he pulls up to your house, he doesn't bother getting out to greet you. With a honk, you know he's arrived. He pops the trunk from the inside, letting you load your luggage yourself. As you climb into the passenger's seat, the radio greets you with some of his favorite tunes. Thankfully, you still enjoy the same music, otherwise you'd be annoyed before having to start your act. The drive up into the mountains takes a couple of hours, and you ignore each other the whole time, both desperately trying to extend the peace from the week.

As Jongho pulls into the parking lot, he finally speaks to you, "Are we ready? How deep are we playing it?"

"Won't it be better for everyone if we keep it simple? Maybe a couple pet name calls and minimal PDA when it's expected? That way, they won't be too shocked when we break up after this, since the love was fading even on the trip."

"That sounds good to me. I'd rather not do more than I have to, so that works."

He gets out of the car, and the act begins. Despite still having to walk over to the cabin, he helps unload all the bags. You follow his lead by playfully leaning into him as you thank him for his help. He locks the car, and you walk together to the cabin where your friends await. You don't even reach the entrance before hearing your best friend excitedly call out to you.

"Y/N! Jongho!" She flings the door open and rushes over to you, grabbing hold of one of the bags in your hands, "Here, lemme help with that."

You can already recognize the effects of alcohol on her - her cheeks flushed, her breath tainted, and her energy spiked to its peak. However, she keeps her balance well, and she isn't slurring her words, so you guess that she's only had a couple of drinks so far.

As you enter the holiday home, everyone else greets you and your boyfriend from their positions in the room. After greeting everyone and some basic small talk about the drive, Jongho dismisses you both to set your luggage in your bedroom. When he asks which room to go to, the whole group answers with a few seconds of silence.

"About that..." Mingi begins as he nervously scratches the back of his head and avoids Jongho's gaze.

"We better have rooms. This was booked so long ago; there's no way it was fucked up."

"Don't worry, there's a room for you. It's just that this cabin only three bedrooms in the main house. You guys were the last to get here, so the only room left is in the guest house outside."

Before Jongho erupts, San comments, "It's a full unit, so it's better in some ways! Personal little kitchen, personal bathroom, and all the privacy you could ask for! All you have to do is take a short walk outside - it's not even a full minute walk, so it shouldn't be too bad."

To everyone's surprise, Jongho simply shrugs before grabbing his bags and heading through the house to the back door. You follow a few steps behind, trying to catch up. As you reach the guest home, you find it nicer than you expected. San was right; this might just be better.

He unpacks a few items before heading back to the party, leaving you alone in the guest house.

"So much for being a couple, I guess." You retort while putting your bags on the opposite side of the bed.

Although there's only one bed, it's big enough that it shouldn't bug you to share with him. You only take a little bit of time in the room before meeting with the group again. Before saying a word to anybody, you pour yourself a drink, mixing a fun alcoholic drink to ease your stress about the situation. You drink some of it before joining the crowd and put on a smile as you reach them, listening in to the active conversation without adding much input. As much as you enjoy the time with your friends, the stress of keeping up your facade keeps itching at the back of your mind.

As the first night passes with drunken talk and playing catch up with everyone's lives, you and Jongho don't have much to do with each other. The groups split into the girls and the boys naturally, and only a couple of quickly fleeting conversations even mention the two of you. Thanks to the alcohol, the topics change on a dime, and you end the night by retiring to the guest house without any issues.

As the door shuts behind you, you mumble, "Only three more days. It can't be that bad."

"Don't hate me too bad; there's still only the one bed."

Jumping from the shock of hearing Jongho's voice, you walk towards the bedroom to continue the conversation, "You say that as if we have to keep up the act in here. Just choose a side and stay on it. I'll do the same."

"Awe, we aren't keeping up the act? How boring." His voice is riddled with sarcasm, and he sits down on one side of the bed with a distinct lack of care.

You roll your eyes as you dig through your suitcase for a set of pajamas. You announce that you're going to shower before bed and walk into the bathroom. While you shower, you let your mind wander back through your memories with him. They were mostly good, and it makes your heart sting. You try to figure out when everything shifted or why you fell out of love with each other, and you end up staying in the shower longer than planned because of it.

When you walk back into the bedroom, the atmosphere has completely changed. The disgust and anger shifted, and you're now greeted by somberness. As you sit on the bed, Jongho breaks the silence and admits to thinking of similar things.

"Why'd we stop loving each other? What happened?"

"You were reliving the past, too, huh?"

Turning to look at each other, your eyes meet a reddened pair staring sadly back at you. He had been crying while you were in the shower. With another pang in your chest, you also feel the pain welling up in your throat.

"We weren't bad to each other. Why did we have to fall out of love? That's some sick and twisted joke by fate." The strain in his chest appears through the cracks in his voice and the overall angry tone.

"It's too bad we can't change it. We don't know how it happened, but I don't think we can just love each other again. We stopped being good to each other because of it, so we kept falling further apart."

"Yeah, you're right. It just... sucks."

The air remains thick until you both fall asleep, and neither of you even hints at the conversation as morning arrives. You walk into the main house together, linking hands as you enter the door and see the other couples clinging to one another. With some of them, they don't even try to hide what the alcohol and bed-sharing resulted in, their after-sex glow far too clear in your eyes. Jongho must notice too, as his grip on your hand tenses when the others get lovey-dovey in front of him.

"How was your night, guys?" One of the bubbly girls jumps in front of you to ask, prodding you with a suggestive tone painting her words, "Did you sleep well together? Enjoy the shared bed?"

Putting on a happier tone than you expected, Jongho responds, "The bed was super soft! Especially with the alcohol in my system, I fell asleep super fast. I think Y/N was the same way. Right, babe?"

After you smile and nod, she understands that you guys didn't take part in the same events behind closed doors. She lowers her energy a bit in a belated attempt to hide the glow, "Oh, that sounds great! I'm glad you got lots of sleep. It'll help with the events today - they can be draining, for sure."

"Oh right, we're hitting the slopes today. I nearly forgot!" You exclaim, "When are we heading over?"

"Mingi and Daisy are making everyone breakfast, so we'll head over a bit after we eat, if you guys are okay with that."

You both confirm, and she goes to check how much longer the food will take, leaving you and Jongho momentarily alone in the living room. Sitting down together on the couch, you stop holding hands. Jongho rubs his palm on his pants to remove the sweat before placing it on your thigh to keep up the act.

You type up a quick note on your phone, joking about how he's doing more than you expected and must still love you. You lean into him as you show him, but he scoffs at it, rolling his eyes and muttering that you're ridiculous under his breath in case anyone walks in.

"Alright, lovebirds, come eat! Food's ready!" Daisy announces as she and her boyfriend carry the plates of freshly cooked food to the dining table. As everyone gathers there, they begin showering the couple with compliments about how good the food looks and smells. The breakfast is calmer than expected as everyone focuses on eating, and everyone quickly breaks off into their rooms after finishing up to prepare for the trip to the lift.

For a group of your size, you need two trips to get up to the lift via the snowmobiles provided. You and Jongho get paired with Yeosang and Krys for the second trip, so the ride isn't too bad. Your best friend jokes about how the lift is a cute spot for a proposal since it'll just be the couple, but Yeosang asks who she thinks is planning to get engaged. Krys pouts about his reaction, obviously hoping for a proposal on this trip.

"Come on, Yeosang. You guys have been together forever now. You still aren't getting married yet?" You poke at him to help your friend.

"You act like you and Jongho haven't been together nearly the same time as us. Three years isn't that long, and you're only a few months behind us. Are you planning for an engagement yet?"

You can feel Jongho's frustration at you for commenting as if he'd known it would backfire. As his grip on your hand tightens through the gloves, he silently threatens you to say something fitting.

"No, we aren't even living together though. You've gone through two years of living together. You're years ahead of us, in that respect."

Unable to come up with a comeback, Yeosang sits in silence for the rest of the rife. Krys smiles and quietly thanks you for jumping in.

As you reach the destination, you see Mingi and Daisy jump onto the ever-moving ski lift, decked out in their gear. Neither you nor Jongho are big skiers, so you rent out snowboards instead. Yeosang jokes that you should've gotten a couple's sled instead, but you both ignore him as you put on the gear. Krys pushes her boyfriend to the lift as they finish, waving goodbye to you.

"See you both later! Have fun!"

Left alone with Jongho again, you take your time as you get ready but still finish before him. Looking over, you notice his hands shaking.

"You okay, Jongho? You're shaking."

"You're really riding the edge, aren't you? Did you even think before jumping into their little spat?"

Shocked that he's still upset about it, you scoff, "No way you're so upset about that to be shaking. I even made up for my mistake pretty well."

"Yeah, through a stroke of good luck. But why put yourself into the position in the first place? Come on, Y/N, think a little!"

At this point, you're pretty close together, yelling into each other's faces. Mingi skis past, stopping himself and turning back to the two of you to ask why you aren't heading up already. Thinking quickly, Jongho grabs your collar and pulls you in for a kiss as if he didn't hear his friend. As Daisy joins, she coos about how cute Jongho is, asking her boyfriend why he isn't that sweet in public. As they begin flirting, Jongho drags you to the lift to escape, hoping to avoid any more questions from them. As much as you'd like to slap him for the sudden kiss, you hold yourself back.

"Sorry. I didn't know what else to do." Jongho confesses after half of the lift ride passes.

"Don't worry. I know you're only keeping up the act."

As you hop off the lift at the top of the mountain, you let Jongho begin his descent first. Your mind clouds due to the kiss. It brings back good memories, filling your lips with a bittersweet taste. Shaking your thoughts away, you begin heading down the trail, weaving between trees and choosing a path that'll give you more adrenaline. You have to stop hard at the end and nearly fall over, but you stabilize yourself enough to only wobble.

"Jongho, go help your adventurous girlfriend! She nearly fell!"

"It's her fault for doing that path!" He screams back as he walks up to you with his hand outstretched for you.

You hold onto his arm to balance yourself as you dismount the board. You lean down to pick up the board, but Jongho pulls you upright. He then leans over to pick it up himself, carrying the board under one arm as he keeps you on his other.

The day continues in a similar fashion until all of the activity makes everyone hungry. After a short debate over eating at the ski lodge or heading back to the cabin, everyone files into the lodge, quickly unwrapping layers of clothing in the warm, cozy quarters. You enjoy good food and conversation before braving the freezing weather again to travel back to the cabin. Once back, everyone heads directly to their rooms, beat after the energy spent throughout the past several hours.

You follow Jongho into the backyard with thoughts of the kiss coming back into mind. Alone with him, you can't get rid of them, so you decide to talk about it instead.

"Jongho, what happened when you kissed me earlier? You tensed up shortly after; was something bugging you about it?"

After a short silence, he admits, "The spark is still there. It drove me mad to feel that again after so long."

"Well, we aren't broken up quite yet. We can live out the spark one last time if you want."

Meeting his gaze, you find a boy you haven't seen in a while - one with a look of joy to hear words falling from your lips, and one with excitement of the idea of having you one last time.

"You want to?"

"I wouldn't have suggested it if it wasn't something I was open to, Jongho. You know me at least that well."

Rather than responding, Jongho presses his lips against yours once again. The step forward makes you instinctively step back, hitting the wall in the process. He places one hand against the wall by your head and slides the other around your waist. As you lean back into the wall, he leans into you, pressing his body firmly against yours. Draping your arms over his shoulders, you feel all of the tenseness from earlier wash away thanks to the kiss. As his cock hardens, trying to push out of his pants, he growls at the lack of space.

He pulls away momentarily to undo his pants, but he commands you onto the bed with a simple nod in the right direction. You sit on the edge of the bed and look up at him with innocent eyes as he approaches. When he finally kicks off his pants and stands in front of you, he grabs you by the chin and smirks down at you.

"Oh, are you being good today?"

"I'm always good, sir."

"Of course, baby, how could I forget?"

He leans down and places a quick peck on your lips before straightening again. You watch as he deliberates with himself over what he wants to do to you. You see the moment he decides as his eyes darken and his smirk twists up ever-so-slightly.

"What do you want right now, baby?"

"You, sir. All of you."

"Then lie down. Let's get started. It's going to be a long night if you want all of me."

You scoot back and follow his instructions without a fight. He climbs onto the bed, hovering over you with hunger in his eyes. Slowly, he leans in and kisses your neck, paying attention to everything he does. You already know he wants to drive you insane, and you also know that there's nothing you can do to prevent that outcome. As he continues his slow, drawn-out worship of your exposed skin, you close your eyes and embrace the sensations. You focus so much that you almost miss his words as he whispers his next command into your ear.

"Take it off. All of it."

He moves to the side, eyeing you like prey as you remove your shirt and then slide off your pants. He swallows back saliva as you unhook your bra and let your breasts fall freely. In striking contrast to his recent looks of hatred, the craving look of a predator makes your heart race and adrenaline pump. You feel on cloud nine as you slide your panties down your legs and hear him grunt out at his view. Even if the love is long gone, the lust definitely remains.

He lets you sit there on display all pretty for him for what feels like forever, but you know better than to beg for his touch, even if the cold air perks your nipples and sends shivers up your body. When he finally stops staring at you, he sits against the headboard and taps his thigh. You quickly sit on his thigh with your hands on his shoulders. Guiding your chin to him, he envelopes you in a deep kiss. You don't even notice his hands slowly dropping down to your waist until he grips tightly. His lips fall to your neck and then your chest while his hands guide you to rub yourself along his thigh.

When he feels his thigh get wet from your actions, he smirks and flexes, earning a yelp from you. He pushes your hips down into him more, making you experience even more of the friction against him. He continues to casually cover your upper body in kisses and hickets as if he isn't pushing you dangerously close to the edge on his thigh.

"Jongho~"

"Shh... I know, baby. You're close, I know. Don't be all whiny about it."

He removes his hands and tells you to lie down on your stomach. You hug one of the pillows to your face, excited but terrified to know what he'll do next. When you feel his hands explore your back, the tingles make you tense up.

"What's wrong, Y/N? Scared?" There's a sinister tone to his words as if he hopes that you're afraid.

He begins massaging the tenseness out of your back, kissing in between to give his hands short breaks. Suddenly, you feel him lift your crotch, and his thick cock grazes your inner thigh slightly. You don't know when he stripped out of the rest of his clothing, but you feel his naked chest as he leans in to kiss your shoulder and whisper into your ear.

"Now, be a good girl and take it all for me, okay?"

You nod into the pillow, but he doesn't pay attention. Instead, he's busy lining himself up properly. Slowly, he pushes inside, keeping a slow but steady pace until he bottoms out. You bite the pillow as his girth stretches you out. After not indulging for over a month, the pain burns through you more than usual, but Jongho lets his lust drive him. He trusts that you'll use the established safewords if you need him to stop or slow down, so he immediately begins fucking you.

This lust-driven sex feels much more carnal, nothing like the sex you had when you loved each other. Fueled by the mutual desire of one final hurrah, you enjoy the rough grabbing and hard thrusts.

"Fuck. You're so good."

He slides one hand up your back, knotting it into the hair at your nape. He uses it to pull you up against him. With your back against his chest, he lets go of your hair and snakes his hand around to the front of you. Holding onto your neck, he aggressively thrusts up into you. As he steadies his control, he brings his other hand around to your front. After a bit of blind searching, his thumb finds its place on your clit.

With the added pressure to your clit, you tap on the hand around your neck, signaling that you need to breathe freely. He moves that hand down to your boobs, grabbing one tightly and using his long fingers to rub your nipple. Being stimulated in so many places, you begin to lose yourself, muttering out nonsense in your moans.

"That's it, Y/N. You're taking it so well. Just a little bit more, baby. You're almost there. I can feel it."

Sure enough, you feel your climax approaching. Without letting up on anything, he bites down on your shoulder. The unexpected sensation sends you straight into your orgasm. You shake as it overtakes you, and you feel his moans vibrate against your collarbone as your walls tighten around him. His thrusting becomes rushes, with short, quick thrusts to bring him over the edge as well. Bodies flush against each other, you feel him fill you up as he finishes.

He removes his mouth from your shoulder first, with a curse under his breath over the wonderful feeling. After, he slowly pulls out of you and guides you to lie down next to each other in bed. For a while, the only sounds in the room are your combined panting, but Jongho breaks the silence with a lighthearted jest.

"A spark of lust... What a fun thing, that is."

"Y'know what? I think it might be easier to pretend to love you after that."

After he cracks up at your statement, he throws himself under the blankets, exclaiming, "We'll see. Just don't get on my nerves. Good night, Y/N."

Surprisingly, you both cruise through the day. You're able to joke, hold hands, and even kiss without feeling any way about it. San jokes that it took an extra day for you guys to adjust to the room, but he points out how clear it is that you've broken in the bed. Jongho begins walking towards him without comment, scaring the louder boy away quickly. But even that interaction was all in good fun. When you turn in for the night, you can't help but smile at the fun day. As Jongho joins in, you comment jokingly.

"Maybe San's right. It was obvious we did much better today. We can't let ourselves get sexually frustrated, or it'll make the mission harder."

"I know you're not asking for more after complaining about being sore this morning."

"I'm just saying. No need to get fussy about it, Jongho. Or maybe... Are you already getting sexually frustrated again?" You look at him with a devious smile, but he doesn't respond, so you continue, "Do you need me to help you again? Oh, poor baby!"

Quietly, he asks, "Are you gonna help, or are you just gonna be mean?"

"Oh, my poor baby. Lay down. I'll help you."

You slyly hook your thumbs onto his waistband as you guide him onto the bed. When he scoots back, his pants and underwear slide off with ease. Although he's slightly embarrassed by the sudden nakedness, he doesn't comment. Instead, he silently lets you pull the clothing fully off him before climbing onto the bed to hover over him.

"You're right, though. If I take you again, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get up tomorrow. I guess I'll have to figure out some other way to help."

"Y/N, please, just touch me. Please, no more teasing."

"Oh, poor baby. You're that needy, Jongho? Needy enough to beg for me to touch you?"

Softly you place your hand on the tip of his dick, keeping your eyes on his face the whole time. You revel in his reactions as you rub your palm over his tip with the leaking precum acting as a bit of lube. When you progress down to stroke his dick, you watch his eyes roll back into his head, encouraging you without even realizing it. While he's momentarily blinded by the pleasure, you lean in and take his tip into your mouth. Purely reactionary, Jongho thrusts his hips up into you, but you've had enough experience to predict it and hold him down. However, you notice just how needy he is by his whiny moans, so you decide to give him a quick release - just like he wants.

Quickly bobbing your head and moving your hand in unison, you do everything exactly how you know he likes it best. You ignore the whiny mess spewing from his lips and focus hard on your task, trying to bring him to orgasm in record time. Feeling the usual signs that he's close, you gain a sense of satisfaction in knowing you can still mess him up this quickly and easily. You focus on keeping the pace the same despite it being a bit faster than usual. When he pushes your head down and finishes down your throat, you emerge proud of yourself.

"Did that help?"

Already half asleep after the wave of pleasure, he only slightly nods before passing out. You laugh at the exhausted man before doing your nightly routine and joining him in sleep.

Waking up on the dawn of the final day, you feel a weird sensation overtake you. Grief? Not quite, but something similar, for sure. As you realize that today marks the last day of the trip and your relationship, that sad feeling washes over you from the moment you wake up. Even though you've known the day was coming, it still feels strange to let go, especially after you were able to tolerate each other over the past couple of days. When you join your friends, they're all hugging and crying, claiming that they don't want to return to their regular day-to-day lives. You find it funny to watch, as they take frequent vacations anyway. You and Jongho awkwardly stand there, holding hands and watching the sobbing cuddle huddle.

Before they can pull you in, Jongho claims that he wants to beat traffic, so you two will be heading home first. This quickly pulls everyone apart to say their goodbyes, and you head out to the car within ten minutes. Once there, that overwhelming feeling envelopes the air between you. Neither of you brings up the elephant in the room until you nearly reach your house.

"So, is this officially where we call it?" You ask as he turns down your street.

"I guess it has to be, right? Without the love, there wouldn't be much of a relationship."

"Yeah... We'd make better friends with benefits at this point."

After a short silence, he parks the car in front of your home and turns to you, "Should we?"

"I'd be down for it, honestly."

"Then let's do that. We're no longer in a relationship, but we can still reach out for hook ups."

"Deal."

[thiefbird]

Despite all my better judgement, I appear to be into Boat Media. Having thoroughly enjoyed Temeraire and Aubrey-Maturin, I am now looking to broaden my horizons. Do have any recommendations for further reading?

I do!

I don't think CS Forester has quite the same voice as an author as Patrick O'Brian, but the Hornblower series holds a fond place in my heart - I actually recommend the TV series with Ioan Gruffudd, Jamie Bamber, Richard Lindsey, and Paul McGann before the books, if you like the Aubreyad, which I rarely do; it has a bit more of the feel of daily life added to it than the books originally did, which may well have been the influence of O'Brian's writing, and it is an affectionate adaptation.

I have not read this yet, but @gabrielnovakgoestomyschool has been badgering me to read a Boat Media, the name of which escapes me, so I will have them give propaganda for it in the notes.

I do not know if this is based on a book, but the miniseries To The Ends of the Earth was very good!

Similarly, I have not read The Terror, and I have heard that the show is better than the book, but I really enjoyed the first two episodes of The Terror! Unfortunately it is a show that requires me to actually pay attention, so it is taking a long time for me to watch it because I don't often have the spoons+time I don't want to be writing rn, but I have heard many good things and few bad.

I haven't read Treasure Island, Robinson Crusoe, or Moby Dick since high school(and I'm not certain I finished Moby Dick as that was right when my very severe adhd/autistic burnout started) but I very much enjoyed them then!

My last, but certainly not least, recommendation is Gone To Weather, an absolutely stunning webcomic by @focsle (beg pardon for the tag!)!

(And finally, watch this space - I'm working on an original Napoleonic War Boat Media novel, and I hope to have a finished first draft by the end of the year!)

[lordshroom]

Happy One Year Anniversary to 2012 Good Genes! WOOOOO

I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported the comic! Whether it's writing a comment, leaving a like when a new chapter drops (or spamming likes as you binge it), or just reading it. Thank you <3

Hard to believe I've managed to semi-consistently update a comic for a whole ass year. When I started this comic, it was a means to force myself to learn how to draw the turtles and just force myself outside my comfort zone: dynamic posing, perspective, shivers backgrounds.

I thought I would run with this idea for a few months, get bored, then move on to something else. A fate that has unfortunately fell many of my previous projects.

But then I started recognizing the same few blogs liking the new updates. I got a few followers. I got a few comments. Every note felt like something special, a sign that people actually wanted to read this story.

So I kept making the comic. One of the biggest shifts in mindset came from when I met Gavin Smith, an artist for the IDW series, I asked him how long it took him to draw a page. He said, "It changes depending on the page. Sometimes it takes three hours sometimes it takes three days." My priorities shifted from "Get the comic done as soon as possible before I get bored" to "make the comic you want to make". The comic went from this to this. I missed coloring, so I started coloring. But I always liked inking more than coloring, so I started inking the comic pretty soon after.

This does mean the comic takes longer to get out, and that bums me out. But I don't mind taking some extra time to give the pages some zest because, well, you guys. If you're going to take the time out of your day to read the pages, I'm going to take some extra time to work on them.

My dream job has always been to be a writer. I've fluctuated between writing books, movie scripts, comic scripts, and a bunch of other stuff.

When I was little, I would imagine elaborate 2012 fan fiction. I never wrote any of this down since I was deeply embarrassed by my fascination with TMNT. It was a boy's show, and I was a girl. On top of that, 2012 became my lifelong hyperfixation. I didn't even seek out an online community for 2012, the closest I ever got was the forums for the show on the Nick site I watched the episodes on.

In high school, I realized who the hell cares and started entering the online community. I watched Rise and 2003, bought the IDW hardcovers, and started getting the figures.

Then in college, I said, "screw it," and started writing a fan fiction on AO3. It did not perform well. I tried to tell myself that I should write for myself, but it was hard to find the motivation to continue so I moved on.

Last summer, I started working on my original story and considered making it a webcomic. I watched a bunch of videos about making comics and wanted to try it out. Now, all the advice for making your first comic is to "make it small so you actually finish it!"

I did not take that advice.

The idea for 2012 Good Genes was old, like, fan-fiction-I-made-in-my-head-in-high-school old. It was different from the current comic. That old version took place post-season 5 with a bunch of OCs and Donnie being mutated into something more bug-like. I went with a retelling of "Vengence is Mine" so I wouldn't have to worry about designing any new characters/ environments, and I those handful of episodes as a blueprint.

2012 Good Genes was supposed to be a learning exercise and became something so much more with your support. That support got me to work on another fanfiction on AO3, which got so much more love than I was expecting. It was so touching that people liked my writing enough to read it without any silly pictures.

So I'm going to say it again, thank you. Thank you so much for a fantastic year. I would not be where I am today without your support.

And if you managed to get through all my rambling, here's an update!

"The Invasion!" will have four more pages which I'm still drawing. After that is an original episode that I want to take time to write a script and design a character before I start posting updates, so in the meantime I will be working on drawing some stuff for my asks and working on the next chapter for "Perfect Son".

[thebiscuiteternal]

Okokok, finally getting at least one "Things I'll Probably Never Write" post finished, and it's the one that goes in the file drawer of "Huaisang Is Accidentally Or Intentionally Given The Wrong Impression About The Circumstances Of His Brother's Sickness And/Or Death, Blames And Ruins Himself Trying To Prevent It/Bring Da-ge Back"

(whew, god)

SO.

One night in the time period between the bonfire incident and the would-have-been-fatal qi deviation, something... weird happens at the Unclean Realms in the middle of the night. The guards who were awake at the time it happened registered it as if (to rip off a description from an early aughts webcomic) the whole world magnified with a loud "whump" noise before everything went back to normal.

While most of them don't see it as a big deal since nothing dangerous seems to have happened, a couple of guards go to wake Nie Mingjue because their sect leader would be very annoyed to only hear about it in the morning and his anger has been uuuuuuhhhhh little bit touchy ever since that last fight with his brother.

Despite the odd hour, when Nie Mingjue rolls out of bed to take the report, he feels... fine. Great even. He can't remember the last time his head was so clear and the humming bond between him and Baxia was so vibrant.

Except Baxia is also practically pacing around the inside of his skull in distress about something that she can't seem to put in words, and none of this can possibly be coincidence.

So he scatters the guards to try and find the source of the disturbance, he finds himself at Nie Huaisang's door.

They haven't spoken in weeks and Huaisang has pretty much been avoiding him and while even thinking about his little brother would piss him off just the day before, now that he's suddenly healthy again, his feelings are a lot more complicated.

He'll deal with that later though, for now, Huaisang should at least be warned of what's going on-

The door's locked. Not just locked, bolted.

Nie Mingjue's just getting ready to knock and call out when he registers the smell of blood.

A lot of it.

(rest is going under a cut for injury description and also someone writing themselves a suicidal pep talk)

Nie Mingjue and one of the guards who comes running at his shout wind up breaking down the door to Nie Huaisang's room.

Aside from the biggest/heaviest pieces of furniture, it's still pretty starkly empty since Huaisang hadn't gotten around to replacing any of the burnt stuff, which only makes the huge array on the floor and the horrible mess of a body lying on it stand out even more.

Nie Mingjue barely recognizes his own brother under all the blood from what was clearly an induced qi deviation.

By some miracle, Huaisang is still breathing when the healers arrive, but he's in such bad shape that they have to restart his heart twice before finally managing to get him into a stable coma.

If a coincidence was unlikely before, it's impossible now. Nie Mingjue knows that whatever his baby brother did to himself is the reason he now feels so healthy.

As he was lying on the floor, Huaisang was clutching a bundle of bloody papers and scrolls to his chest, so Mingjue gets what archivists they have out of bed to begin cleaning them up in the hopes of deciphering what they had to do with what Huaisang had done.

Though not everything is still legible, they gradually piece together an extremely difficult ritual that had been buried in the deepest darkest shelves of the inner family library, an early attempt at dealing with the threat the strongest sabers posed to their own wielders.

They also find a page in Huaisang's writing, also spattered in his own blood, but partially legible.

---

-udied it backwards and fo- -at least twelve times. If Da-g the current and previous Nie Zongzhu ever saw- -apparent why they never attempted it.

-a core like mine- -good as dead. Not even sure if I have enough- -instead of just a few more years.

Thinking about- -comments back in Gusu on splitting- With more people, there'd be less threat to all-

No... No, it wouldn't work.

-only if they love Nie-zongzhu more than they hate me, and even then- -keep someone from telling- -as soon as he finds out, I can already hear- -a selfish coward for asking such a thing of the sect.

And then- -right back where I started.

Doing this alone.

Better to just- -one brave thing in my life.

Besides, if it does work as outlined, then this would be the best possible outcome. Nie-zongzhu and Baxia will be themselves again, Er-g Zewu-jun and Lianfang-zun will get their sworn brother back, and the sect gets to keep the leader they actually like. And no one will ever have to tolerate me again.

Everybody wins.

---

When Nie Huaisang first hears that his brother is ill, and has been for some time, of course he immediately remembers what happened with their father. The shouting, the insults, the bruises... the feeling of hands crushing his throat.

For the briefest moment, he wonders if this means maybe his brother doesn't hate him, that it's just the sickness like it was for their father, but listening in more makes it clear that the speakers believe qi sickness mostly exacerbates problems the sufferer already had.

Which... oh.

Okay.

He gets it now.

Clearly, it means his father and brother both hated him and just managed to hide it until he, stupid selfish pain in the ass that he is, aggravated their sickness enough that it came out in the open.

And for the whole sect to have just gone along with the rages... For everyone to have been hiding this from him...

Well, then.

So when he winds up digging up an opportunity to take on all of his brother's qi poisoning, which comes with a very high possibility of killing him immediately because of the weakness of his core, comes up, he doesn't hesitate.

[darqx]

Good afternoon! I have been your subscriber for a long time and wanted to ask... Do you have any updates and work on the Battle Priest??? I miss the characters from this project very much and I can't wait for a comics or a novel with them! (sorry for possible mistakes, I'm not an English speaker)

Hullo and thank you for sticking around so long AND aaaaaaa I am so happy you are excited for BP :D I have indeed been working on it when I can (though with a full time job my time and inspo is sometimes severely lacking |D)! At the moment a good 80% or so of the story is plotted out and I got bored of writing dot points and so also started thumbnailing on the side lol. Now if I can just keep it up!! OTL

Here’s a sneak peek in the face of my generally doing things quietly in the bg XD;

Yes I have this aforementioned little webcomic I’ve kinda been pottering away at XD It’s not out or anything yet though.

I think that’s partially due to Tumblr being rather bad at searching for stuff and that yes it is a little disjointed at the moment! |D (there is a BP tag on my blog which might be helpful though). I can’t really put that much about BP out yet since like a bunch of stuff I actually want to draw are IN the story and so I’d just end up spoilering a lot of it lol, so what I DO put out might be somewhat random. You can of course still ask questions about it and if I can answer it without spoiling something I will :)

I’d love to just ditch the first few pages at everyone since I’ve finished thumbnailing them and could actually start drawing it, but I’ve learned it’s so much better to have a good bank of pages so alas, we’re all gonna have to continue being patient whilst I thumbnail/work on it 😭

It technically doesn’t have one (I have consciously not made much ref to an actual date lol), and exists in one of those AU timeframes where some things from different years got shoved together. An example being the tech is reminiscent of the 90s but then there’s also some fashion from the 2000s etc.

In the lore of BP, there are technically (love that word lol) no angels so canonically this would be a moot point lol. IF angels were a thing, any mixed race would have the free will to either be good or bad (like the demons), and it wouldn’t affect much other than maybe they might have their own special abilities that could counter the demonic ones (like how priests do).

🤔 Hmmmm if i had to pick just one as a main it might be like (and this is expressing as opposed to receiving):

.D: Acts of service

Izm: Gift giving

Marcus: Quality time

Zeke: Acts of service (specifically, cooking)

Wei Ren: Words of affirmation

Rire: ...uh...i’m gonna say quality time

Well, a satanist would not be sanctioned as a battle priest so if there is one they’d have to be worshipping in secret cos that would get them unsanctioned pretty quickly. .D and the gang would be like wat. Rire would be like well...this is unexpected. I will let you imagine the tone that conveys XD

[kandismon]

Do you have any tips for those who wish to create a webcomic?

I do apologize if this has been asked before!

this is a pretty big question that would probably be easier to answer if you had any specific things you'd like to know about!

but i can give you a summary of general things i've learned over the years!

disclaimer: these are my personal experiences, if any of this sounds like something that doesn't fit your workflow or preferences, please disregard!

if you've never made a webcomic before, i would personally recommend starting small. do a short oneshot first to see how it feels instead of diving right into your multi-season 2000 pages big epic story, because i feel like the workload can get really overwhelming really fast if you go from 0 to 100 right away. some creators thrive on that but it was definitely not for me. i have a lot of failed and unfinished projects sitting around because i was too ambitious and didn't know what i was getting myself into. later on i started drawing short comics for various fandoms & ships i was invested in deeply, and those got progressively longer until i suddenly felt ready to seriously tackle one of my original stories again. which was when i finally started working on #MUTED!

don't worry about sticking to the strict 60+ panels weekly schedule that you see a lot on platforms like webtoon for example. unless you've signed a contract, you make the rules and decide how much and how often you post. i've seen a lot of creators burn themselves out over that when there really wasn't any need because no one was forcing or paying them to churn out so much all the time T -T) you can still find an audience and success with a slower pace (for example #MUTED was released with 2 episodes a month, 1 ep usually had around 20ish panels iirc)

finished is better than perfect. if you're a perfectionist this can be difficult to accept, but i promise most people won't look at your panels for longer than 1.5 seconds. some wonky lines here and there don't matter much, it's more important to get the feelings across imho.

vector layers (for inking) are your best friend \o/

imho having a pretty clear outline for your story can be really helpful and take away some stress, knowing where the story is going without having to constantly sit down inbetween chapters to come up with more plot is a blessing and i wish i had been better about doing that with #MUTED. i did have a rough outline but a lot of holes in between chapters and in the end some things i would have liked to explore more never got touched on because my planning was bad and i wasn't able to find the room in the story (like some emma back story, more about jasper's family dynamics, also a bit more of a deep dive into kai's relationship with his family) (also towards the end i felt pretty burned out and just wanted to move on haha) [i'm not saying to plan every scene right from the get go, there's always room to adjust and remove or add stuff while you're working on the project, but a few important anker points here and there are important, at least for me!]

shortcuts are also your best friend, use all of them. 3d models too!

when you start publishing, don't get discouraged by algorithms and statistics and numbers (i say as that's something i still struggle with daily LOL), agonising over these things is pointless because they're mostly out of your control, focus on things you can actively do to be proud of your work. also instead of comparing yourself to others, instead compare yourself to past you! look how far you've come compared to the you from last year :>

i hope any of this helps, sorry for rambling lol if there's ever any specific questions, my asks are always open and i'll do my best to try and help out!! i'm also still learning and don't consider myself to be a person who really has anything to teach to anyone, but i can share my progress and experiences and hype you up if needed, hehe

good luck with your comic!!

[blackfairy312]

Songs of Disarray Cast so far (need to finish James' reference along with Harry and Mike (Mary's dad and brother)

askbox is closed right now because there are like 16 asks in there and i don't want to overwhelm myself so i'll slowly answer everything in my own time!!! mental health had been AWFUL. after my ex broke up with me i was stuck in a terrible bpd episode for weeks, and ultimately decided to cut myself out of his life for the sake of my own mental health. it's already a bad time of year for my PTSD (i had very intense flashbacks for a little while before i got my ned medication), and dawg don't even get me started on election day. america is fucking awful and i'm angry that people want to take away the rights of women and minorities. being a transgender mexican/black male in texas sucks ass. but i don't want to talk about it any more than i already have.

my motivation to do things has been very low, i think what the plan for Songs of Disarray is gonna be that i'll finish the character refs, maybe edit them, and work on the chapters last. i want the story to be GOOD and as a perfectionist i'm gonna be reworking stuff and constantly thinking of what exactly i want to do in this story (or how i want to write it). maybe in the far future i'll try to find a few artists to help me turn it i to a webcomic? i don't know cause i'm like mentally disabled and am having a VERY hard time getting a job, so if i were to hire an artist i don't know if i'd be able to pay them. i get like 40$ for weekly allowance and am not good at saving money.

anyway i also beat silent hill 3 for the first time (i played it once a long time ago and went back to play silent hill 2 to get all the endings, then my computer broke and i couldn't play either for a while). GREAT GAME!!!!! might replay it a few more times before moving into silent hill 4, which i am VERY excited to get to cause i am FASCINATED by the lore in that one. walter sullivan seems like an interesting character and i want to digest any and all lore about the order. after 4 i'll find a way to play 1, idk cause my laptop has 57gb of storage and i cant even download two games for my emulator 😭 i have to download one at a time and i have NO IDEA what is taking up 90% of my storage?????? its so annoying and i might have to get a new laptop if i want to continue playing emulated games but i like my current laptop, it works very well despite that (all the five nights at candy's games run perfectly on it, except fnac 1 remaster sometimes will have lag/framedrops if i'm clicking on the cams too fast, which happened a lot when i played null night but it didn't happen enough for the game to be unplayable. and i ended up beating null night anyway)

so uh yeah

[heartbeatbookclub]

It feels very weird that DDLC is getting the most fic attention from me (even if i haven't posted most of them) because like. I was heavily into DDLC through like 2018 but never wrote fanfiction then because i considered writing genuine, nonparodic fanfiction cringe. (I wrote a shitty Undertale fic or two with the intent of being funny and nothing else.)

Reading fanfiction wasn't cringe mind you, but me writing it was.

And i find it weird, because Omori was what broke that barrier for me, but I only ever posted the one fic. I have an entire document of other prompts and ideas, and I only ever finished the one fic (i have another which would be roughly the size of Coil, but I never got around to finishing it. it was the original "it's coming soon i swear you guys" fic except I never posted any part anywhere).

Omori broke that barrier because it completely shifted the way I look at things and I was utterly obsessed with it for well over a year. I sometimes jokingly blame it for why I failed a class in my first semester of college. I love Omori now, but I used to be completely unhinged about it.

Yet despite that, I never wrote anything much out of it. I was always more of a lurker.

I got into a few more smaller little fixations here and there, but none of them were intense enough to inspire a fic. So what exactly was it that led to any other progress on that front?

Funny enough, I posted it a week or two ago. I wrote fucking unOrdinary fic a while ago, when I was going through a phase of being obsessed with that comic.

I was really feeling it more than anything else at that time, and felt like I really wanted to make something to vent the feeling in my chest. I'd been reading other fics which were pretty good (personally recommend Omniscient by thinmintssss) and finally the last wall of "this is cringe, why am I so invested in this cringe ass weeb webcomic" broke, and i decided "ahh fuck it, let's indulge a little."

That decision to drabble a little bit let me to where I am with DDLC now, because when it gripped me by the throat for the second time, my first thought was actually "I wanna write fics out of these thoughts. I feel like I have to." Then it was about making a blog to talk about stuff, and share my fics. And participation in this fandom became a necessity...wild how things change so quick, huh? I only fell down this rabbit hole at the start of this year. Which feels kind of wrong given the timeframe of everything...because I graduated from college in May this year.

And now we're here! And I'm happy.

[thysanniia]

What things are you currently/recently enjoying watching and/or reading?

ok so first of all you are my favourite human ever for asking this thank you I love you <3

BUT ANYWAY

As you may have gathered from a few of my recent posts, I'm really hyperfixated on the MonsterVerse right now! I've been concepting different rewrite ideas for it for years now, and the new Monarch show has just sent me deep, deep down the rabbit hole again. I have like so many Word documents relating to films, shows, timelines, stuff like that. Hopefully soon I'll actually sketch out some kaiju designs, that will be fun! But yeah, this hyperfixation has hooked me good, I don't think it's going away any time soon.

Aside from that though, my main media consumption has just been making my way through any yuri I can find lmfao. This has kinda been the case since autumn, I've watched various shows and also bought a couple mangas I'll read once I've finished my current book (more on that later). I've even gone into the realm of webcomics, which has somehow resulted in me building a super long list of super long webcomics I wanna read. Hopefully I can actually get through some of them lol. But yeah, overall just a lot of yuri, because I am hopelessly gay. I might actually make some threads on the ones I've watched/read.... hmmm....

The only other thing I feel I should mention is the book I'm reading, 'This Is How You Lose The Time War'. It's not very long but I'm still taking ages to get through it because I suck at reading. BUT!! holy shit it is absolutely fantastic, I first heard about it because someone tweeted about it and that went kinda viral, and holy shit they were not wrong this book is fantastic. I'll give the same advice: don't look up anything, don't even read the blurb, just get a copy of the book and read it and you will not be disappointed, it's one of the most unique and compelling pieces of literature I've ever read. And it's gay.

Anyway, that's the main stuff. There are a couple things on the side, I'm watching the Percy Jackson show although I'm a little behind on it (it's generally good I think?) and I recently watched through Chainsaw Man which is fantastic. Can't think of anything else besides those!

[worldismyne]

was there any drama behind warrior u ending in the middle of an isuee?

Drama? Not really, more like, a series of unfortunate events.

The creator's computer crashed, destroying around 10-15 finished pages that had yet to be uploaded.

She was writing as she went, on an issue that was the origin story of the fan favorite villain, Hevvin. I think there was a lot of pressure to make it perfect, and when she went to go back and redo the pages, did what a lot of creators in her position would do. She second guessed the direction the issue was going and thought what she had made was 'terrible'.

She was very open about how she felt she wrote herself in a corner. She enlisted the help of fans to post one page fan comics while she decided what to do, and in the end, decided to end the series.

We were all sad, but from my POV, most people were understanding. It was a for free webcomic she had started in college and made 100s of pages for us. A lot of us had been in a position where we couldn't finish a fic or lost something we'd been working on to computer issues. It was just sad to see it happen to something on such grand of a scale.

A few years later, there was a problem with the webhost, and the official website for the comic died. She was also applying for animation jobs, which at the time the industry was very anti-fandom. So her DA and other galleries that had WU stuff incidently on it was deleted. Her WU blogs got caught in the shuffle, so we lost the original ask blog and concept art blogs. She made a new WU blog that has what she was able to save, but was very clear by 2020 she was ready to move onto a different project.

I can't stress enough how intensely parasocial the fans were by the series end with both her and the characters who'd been accessible through ask blog format since before tumblr (we have an archive of the old formspring for the blog, it's 30 webpages long, and that was just a fraction of it). She read and promoted any fan work that was made on the blog. Even posted the thumbnails for unfinished issues, and had been writing issues out of order.

There was a lot of pressure from the fanbase to make certain ships canon and Hevvin fans were half the fanbase (tumblr sexyman level obession). She was very clear what she would and wouldn't write, that she was pantsing the comic the entire run (no outline, just vibes) and by the series end there was so much pressure to appease the fans, I think the pages getting lost was the straw that broke the camel's back.

((For context, when all this was going down superwholock was on fire with fans harrassing people at cons over ship takes, homestuck was in full swing and fans of that would reach for other webcomics like WU during hiatuses. It was not a great time to 'let down' an audience on tumblr))

I wasn't on her end of the inbox, but I saw her get exhausted from demands to incoporate ships, headcanons, and update faster. It's one thing to get writers block after loosing a good chunk of work, it's another to have that happen in front of 10k+ fans who treat you like any old mutual.

She is aware of our efforts to revive the comic, but has been clear she's ready to move on to different projects. We did get a nice lil promo on the official blog.

Now she has a new comic series, where she works on one issue at a time. When the issues are done she posts them, when they aren't she talks in vague updates. Lately she's been focused on helping raise money to get people out of Gaza.

The orginal WU fandom is mostly gone, though we had a few pop in, nostalgic over the comic as we finished the unfinished issue. Atm we got about 99 peeps following on tumblr and consistent traffic on comic fury.

[nerves-nebula]

if i may ask, what's your writing process like for when you create a story ?

Bad and weird. Mostly I just think about it a lot, scribble down a few basic essential plot skeleton things, and then go over them and fill them in. And I do that multiple times on occasion when I’ve got more ideas. I’ve also got like 6 docs for loose stitches. One is the actual script, one’s an outline/plot skeleton, one is backstory & world building notes, one is like character speaking quirks or something- idk I’ve lost count at this point I really only refer to like three of them

Also, unless it’s like a short comic or one shot story, I don’t finish the script. If I waited to finish loose stitches script before I started it I’d never have started at all. Already, a bunch of stuff that’s supposed to go down in part 2 & 3 have been altered since I started drawing loose stitches 2 years ago. Partially because I wasn’t sure where things would go and partially because I’ve gotten a better hold on the characters & their backstories & motives since then which changes their arcs a bit. I still don’t know how loose stitches is gonna end, but I’m getting a better idea if it every day and I just write down one potential ending.

I picked up something interesting from the author of the webcomic Sakana, which is that I need to leave space in the script for me to improvise stuff so im not horribly bored. For me, a lot of stuff is vague. I make up a lot of character designs nearly on the spot, and I allow myself to change shit around so long as the main beats are hit on. It’s all good.

Also, when it comes to comics, your script is supposed to be written however you want. Any font any format as long as it’s good for you. Mine is prose-like but very informal and with interjections to remind me of stuff (character is holding x or puts y thing down, character makes a certain face, a description of a visual I don’t want to forget)

As for the writing side of things outside of comic scripting, it’s basically the same. Write a skeleton and fill it in. Main difference is that the prose are way more formal. I really don’t consider myself a writer, even though most of my art includes dialog and storytelling. Guess I don’t think I’m good enough at writing yet? Idk. It’s probably because I consider my sister The Writer in our family. Anyway hope that’s what you wanted.

[cartograffiti]

May '24 reading diary

This month, I finished 16 books, mostly quick cookbooks and graphic novels!

I started May by listening to a very unseasonal full-cast audiobook of E.T.A. Hoffmann's original The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. When I was a child, I read a lot of different text adaptations of the Tchaikovsky ballet adapted from this story, but only realized I'd never read the original when a friend got me to read Hoffmann's squarely horror story "The Sandman" a few years ago. This was creepier than the ballet story, though clearly written for children, and I'm very glad to have gotten around to it.

K.J. Charles, author of a large number of romances I'm a fan of, put out her first mystery A-plot novel, Death in the Spires. I think it's a good introduction to her style if you're not a big romance person, and I think it was the right call for this plot to prioritize the genre elements in this way, but I also have found her B-plot mysteries more exciting. No problem, I liked it a lot, and it has a lot of juicy thoughts about justice as distinct from the law and how trust is earned or lost. Gay disabled detective.

Two sports romances: You Should Be So Lucky, a sensational 1960s baseball player/magazine journalist relationship, meditating beautifully on the fear of failure and on grief. One of the mains was in a long-term relationship with someone who has died, and I think this is the best widowed romance character I've ever read. Sebastian is also just fabulous at taking a tour of a made-up person, full of small details and slice-of-life stakes. I've read all her books and will continue to; I like her particular approach to historicals and her ability to make queer happy endings distinct and individual. M/M.

The other sports romance I read this month is The Boxing Baroness by Minerva Spencer, which I only mildly enjoyed. Unfortunately I don't even have any real criticisms, I just very simply didn't click with Spencer's style on a sentences level, particularly in sex scenes. Your mileage will vary! There is a lot of really enjoyable bits about the hot honorable love interest thirsting over how strong and cool he thinks the heroine is, and he's right. This is definitely worth trying if the basic premise of woman boxer Regency is your thing. Wait, I do have one plot criticism--this would have been stronger without the epilogue. We didn't actually need to meet [historical figure redacted]. M/F.

Graphic novels--I used to read Chelsey Furedi's Rock and Riot when it was coming out as a webcomic, and I was excited when her follow-up, Project Nought, was suspended soon after launch because of a book deal. Unfortunately I somehow missed it when the book actually came out in 2017, and only when Heartstopper sent me on a nostalgia trip last month did I realize I could read it. I wish I had read Project Nought when it was new! A lot of the sci-fi plot no longer feels futuristic even 7 years on, although the core twist is just fabulous. There isn't enough of the interpersonal depth that shines in Rock and Riot, the villain plot resolution is a bit too easy for the YA market, and overall I just wouldn't pitch this as more than pleasant.

The rest of the graphic novels, far more than pleasant, I read volumes 8, 9, 10, and 11 of Witch Hat Atelier by Shirahama Kamome. This was a good batch to read close together, as they all deal with the events of the same festival. Unfortunately I have to wait for my library to buy the next to see the resolution, but that's how manga goes! I loved a lot of what's happening at this point, with some fabulous milestones in the Coco-Agott friendship, lots of good moments from my favorite of the adults (Olruggio), and continuing to push down on the question of forbidden magic. Shirahama brings in both strong cases of things that deserve to be banned (glasses that let you see through people's clothes, not treated as remotely funny) and things that...maybe don't. I really cannot tell what ethics resolution might be end-game, which is very exciting.

Cookbooks! My lovely mother surprised me with a copy of an 80s book I'd been looking for, Vineyard Seasons by Susan Branch. I wouldn't exactly call her style pastoral, but I've seen her rediscovered a bit by cottagecore, Ghibli-esque, and related aesthetic bloggers. If that kind of romantic daily life artwork appeals to you, you might like her books as much as I do; every page is full of Branch's watercolor paintings, sometimes ornamental borders and sometimes illustrations of the sights of her home in Martha's Vineyard. I read and re-read her books just to linger over the pictures, but almost every recipe I've tried has been a winner.

I also borrowed a whole bunch of cookbooks of literary-inspired recipes. I went through two by Alison Walsh (A Literary Tea Party and A Literary Holiday Cookbook), which were disappointing; they draw from a pretty small range of books, and rely a lot on food coloring to fit the themes. Meanwhile, The Mystery Writers of America Cookbook (ed. Kate White) has a really wide range of difficulty level and approach, only some of them inspired by fiction. Each recipe was contributed by a different author, making it fun in the same way that church and community cookbooks can be, but I don't have any wish to own this, either. I have two others still to look at. (And I already own some I do recommend, Kate Young's Little Library cookbooks and Tim Federle's literary cocktail books.)

More nonfiction: DK Publishing's really insubstantial small coffee table book Banned Books, which didn't have quite enough text (I shouldn't have finished any entries unsure on what grounds they were banned/challenged, and did), but some pretty vintage covers (and not enough of those either).

Really great, with loads of pictures and thorough text: The Big Reveal: An Illustrated Manifesto of Drag by Sasha Velour. I was first aware of gender-fluid queen Sasha Velour as an illustrator and zinester, and in many ways they're the reason I was first interested in drag performers. This book doubles as a history of drag and a personal memoir of Velour's experience with it, and I enjoyed both equally. The history is well-researched and thoughtful, and the memoir is generous and self-aware. And it has some of their comics!

And I'm still reading Dorothy Dunnett's Lymond Chronicles at about one per month. I finished Pawn in Frankincense in May--lush and devastating and funny and infuriating and completely absorbing. Still not a series I would recommend to everyone, and still one I'm so glad I'm reading at this exact moment, when my emotions can go through the juicer and not feel scarred afterwards.