#any way this is so fucking stupid dont look at me
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au where uhmm....uhhh... Stanford gets his mind erased and forgets like Weirdmageddon and all the bad stuff that happened between Bill and him. and still believes they are together. so when bill gets out of the theraprism and gets back to gravity falls it's just like:
Bill: it sure is good to be back in gravity falls, huh, Sixer?
Ford: I want you.
Bill: what.
#sophie speaks‼️#any way this is so fucking stupid dont look at me#billford#bill cipher#i just think thwyre neat#stanford pines#gravity falls#the book of bill#book of bill#tbob
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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boys when they melt in their shoes smh my head
-Like what you see? Why not buy a commission?-
#anyways hi i guess i'm an akishiho liker now hello to all both of the others here#tbh this mostly came from me having these two in a unit together in my unit shuffle au and liking them as a dynamic#and then like a fool i thought 'i wonder what's in their ao3 tag' and went to look#anyways please read Her Sharp Green Eyes it's indefinitely canned but gods it's so fucking good these two are stupid and i love them#i usually prefer gay ships for both of them but like.#something about these two just fascinates me tbh. like they're abrasive ways so it shouldn't work but they mesh so well imo#i dont remember if they've had a proper interaction in any events but i hope they get one soon if they haven't#also! first time for me rendering a piece like this#i've never done rendering like this before so i hope it looks alright. i think it's not too bad for a first attempt#anyways the akishiho brainrot is very real right now lol#shiho hinomori#akito shinonome#hinomori shiho#shinonome akito#akishiho#project sekai#project sekai fanart#hatsune miku colorful stage#my art#digital art
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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#regret is a heavy and unproductive feeling but i feel so much of it now#i regret being too scared to send him pictures when he said he would def be ok w me using him as a diary#and even wanting me to share pics (and always when i managed to not be too scared he never made me feel unappriciated)#i regret being too scared to say yes when he talked abt having calls and video calls#i regret being too scared to share all of the things i wanted to share with him and ehat was wanted by him#i regret being too scared to easily and quickly actually listen to him when he said it's more than ok for me to send him lots of messages#and to ramble about things too him. i regret that i kept being too and too scared to do it even if i desperately wanted to#i regret that i took so long to try to face my fears and want to actually do and say and talk abt all of those things#i regret taking too long so bad... i just had never ever felt actually wanted and that my rambley words and my existence mattered to him#that was so so so new and odd for me that it took me so long to ease into#i regret being too scared to do all of it.... i regret it so much#im painfully aware of reality trust me.. and i know it will always be a 'what if'#but i regret that i was too cowardly to just be brave enough to try and tell him directly what i was thinking for 10 months#what i wanted to say was that if he just said the word i'd be all his and that i'd immediately look for any job#and use that paycheck to get a passport and a plane ticket and figure it all out with him#none of this is his fault. like trust me i understand that relationships and feelings and people and everything is complicated#and i actually know that he cares abt me... it what hurts sm ...#but i dont know what would have happened but i regret being too scared to even say it and see. bc i meant it. i really meant it :(((#but.... i know i cant live in this regret forever and that i have to learn how to accept it but#nothing has ever hurt or stung or been regretted this much for me like...#i feel like i fucked up the realest and truest connection and chance at love i've ever had and maybe ever will have? i dunno ... T-T#i regret being too scared to spam his blogs the way i wanted to and too scared to reply to him and interact with him#my fear is so stupid and god i regret letting it control me sm
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the biggest thing about X6 is not that he doesn't think of himself as human (though he doesn't, and according to some it's correct) BUT that he doesn't see himself as a Person
#searching through the X6-88 tag on tumblr has not brought me joy#also. 1 thing about is that i hate hate hate the (i think) canon blue eyes he has. like. for fucking what#1st i saw them on tumblr and thought 'well thats stupid. whyd you give him blue eyes? so hed look special? thats weird. at least its uncanon#also. on god. i saw some post headcanoning the companions' appearances and it was p cool UNTIL they got to x6#and they gave him grey 'almost white' eyes for literally no reason. like if you want to go with the scary factor theres so many ways for it#but no. some people think that blue/grey eyes are sooo special. and for what#<- i have brown eyes but im not just being salty. it really sucks. i dont wanna be the one to call fandom racism but it does smell like it!#also like. i didnt want to go on a stupid tirade about racism in the tags again but the way fandom treats x6 AND preston is just upsetting#other people have made some very good points about it and im not going to repeat them here (also noones gonna read this)#but like... theres 3 'main' black characters that i remember: preston garvey (whom the stron majority of the fandom hates/disliked)#x6-88 (basically the players slave? also hated for being mean and unfeeling (which is justified imo). no quest no freedom no nothing)#and gloria (who i havent met in game but ive heard some actual criticisms of (like. the way shes treated ingame) and noone else talks about)#if theres any other Named and Important characters. sorry but i literally do not remember them#coming back to x6 being justified in being unemotional/mean. he was literally raised this way. he doesnt consider himself to be a person#being he was made that way. he is a Thing and hes meant for one job and hes made to inspire fear#and hes not supposed to have emotions so he just. doesnt. if he does he cant express them anyways#1 if fallout4 was a better written game (or 2 if x6 was white) i think thered be SO much fanfiction about him. the possibilities are endless#i have something brewing in the back of my head. i might start writing even though i suck and its going to be bad#ANYWAYS. general fandom thought on x6 are WRONG and im being a HATER. fuck everyone who doesn't like x6. if you dont like x6 get off tumblr#especially if you like gage but not x6. leave fr#i just woke up wtf am i doingggg
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Maybe it's because I've been playing these two games back to back recently, but not only does Lilith look like Kalos Pokemon to me, she looks like a one that Diantha could've used in her team.
Like. They'd go surprsingly well together.
#personal thoughts#pokemon#pokemon xy#pkmn xy#champion diantha#fire emblem#fire emblem fates#fe fates#fe14#fe lilith#i've already talked of a pkmn character feeling like a fe character (give wally pointy ears & boom! boy is a manakete)...#... might as well go other way around as well#seriously that girls fishy tiktaalik ass dragon design really gives me pkmn feels#seeing dragon lilith next to pikachu or any other pkmn somehow feels more natural than seeing her next to dragon corrin#& while i dont hate it every time i look at i think that crimes were committed when it was created#as if loki & circe beaker committed science crimes with horses & deer & bats & lizards & various insects in an underground lab to create it#& then put in mewtwo armor because fuck it that's why#also its stupid feet remind me of chalicotheriums. one of my least favorite extinct animals so thats a minus#but back to pkmn a dragon like lilith wouldve definitely felt more natural in dianthas team over tyrantrum#and before anyone says something about the theme her team has - I KNOW. I DONT GIVE A SHIT. IT WAS COMMUNICATED POORLY TO AUDIENCE#that theme might as well not exist for that reason. as if stealing the manakete boys signature pkmn wasnt enough she does this as well#uuuuuuuuuugghh xy was such a waste of potential & i hope legends z does something interesting with kalos#like diantha may be beyond fixing (until xy remake that is) but surely her ancestor(s)/descendant(s) could be better...? i hope?#tldr ash ketchum should be the one feeding lilith rice balls
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I miss wearing lipstick :( I had a huge collection of liquid lipsticks before covid :(((
#i honestly dont know if ill ever wear it again with the way covid and other pandemics are going :((((((#legit sad ab this sbdbdbdbcb like i loved those lipsticks :( they made me feel so pretty and cool and they smelt nice like candy#i had these 'Revlon lip butter's for like a million years and when i started wearing them id wear that shit any chance i could get#that shit smelt (and tasted) so fucking good 😭😭😭 i remember the color of my favorite so so vividly... i wonder if i still have it 👀#obviously not to use seeing as i havent worn any since 2020... so theyre OLD OLD now :( but i wanna look at it ... smell it sgdgdgd#i think the color name was like sugar crush or something and it was so cute and the perfect bright pink 😭😭😭😭😭#stupid how im legit sad ab makeup SGGDGDGDGD i just miss having that small outlet to experiment and venture out of my comfort#zone trying on makeup and wearing it OUT on normal outings#it was fun :')#now it's just me and my 52+ lip balms now hashtag gay culture#sgdgdggdgdgdgdgdgd iykyk#marquilla
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today, I offer some 2 month old Orion scribbles (ft. my chicken scratch handwriting) Tomorrow, who knows 🎉✨
#minus the vallaslin because let me be honest. couldn't be fucked to draw it 7 times for this fgkfdjngkd#orion mahariel#dragon age origins#riverdraws#i want to finish these eventually but tbh the brainrot has been more oc related rather than da related lately#not that the da cast doesnt still live in my brain rent free 24/7 because they DO I just dont have the motivation to draw em lately dgdfhg#but anyway looking at these is SO funny (any Orion drawing honestly) because i know.#under that resting stoic face is a guy that 1: names his animals after foods (you've heard of Biscuit the mabari now get ready for#Spinach the giant poison Spider)#2: the way into his heart is via bad flirting. The stupider the better. he finds it really funny
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drawing more furry fnaf art. yknow just to keep you posted. i love posting in the tags sorry these ones got away from me
#sammy is a brown bear (like freddy). his mom is white like funtime freddy#then crying child is blue (like bon bon. and to go with lizzies bonnet pink) (theyre not twins in my au but they definitely act like it. so#its like cute.) mrs. afton is blue violet (rockstar bonnie) bc i was running out of colors. i had already assigned her blue anyway.#max is black bc i seriously ran out of rabbit colors. or! no wait shadow bonnie. thats totally the inspo and not i had made his ears black#already. i think thats literally every rabbit color available. the afton family is pretty big. ig vanny. who would go with vanessa. obvi bu#shes not in my au. or at least not an afton. and therefore not a rabbit. if she was though shed be white.#and if you havent seen any previously drawn ones henry and william are yellow (obviously. they already have fursonas. theyre the reason#everyone else gets one. LOL) micheals purple like classic bonnie (who... is purple even if it was then retconned. hes purple. look at#withered bonnie. i hate ppl who say its just lighting. thats a lie by big blue bonnie. he was literally purple and then he changed his mind#like i said lizzie is pink like bonnet. and then charlie is black like lefty. because duhh.#DONT ask me about how this shit works okay. the rabbit dated the rabbit and the bear dated the bear. bc thats what happened. theres not#here. the bears got divorced. and the rabbits. the yellow rabbit and bear are fucking#no um. i like willry but i think if they were really fucking. i just think things would go differently. henry's gay in my au i dont think i#he actually had a man to fuck he'd manage to have children. its not who he is to me. will is bi but he obv thinks henry is some exception t#him being perfectly normal and straight. everyone wants to fuck their business partner. otherwise youd do it yourself#ig they can fuck after. i hate when people do these boring aus where henry and william never get married and william isnt a murderer and so#like what? theres nothing? just a couple of guys? if im looking for fics where theyre fucking im not looking for a fic where everything is#nice and clean. be serious. can we at least have some angst about it being the 70s or are you too much of a bitch for that too#anyway.....#simons spouting#simons fnaf au#OH also if anyone reads this whats the stance on this stupid idea i have where sammy pretends he has a thing for michael to annoy max. bc.#their parents had a thing for eachother. and sammy and max have a more familial relationship. and michael and charlie have a familial#relationship. but michael and sammy have barely met and do not at all. is it pushing it? i was thinking yknow from sammys perspective that'#'his sons' dad but! like you can fuck your sons dad. that's not weird. unless thats the way youre phrasing it i guess LOL. but i guess#michael would be like. thats 'my sisters' brother. and that is not someone you fuck*. BUT this isnt michaels perspective its sammy being#annoying. and from sammys perspective that is NOT his sister and there for NOT his sisters brother. *also im pretty sure this is subjective#if youre just friends. yknow. the ethics of sammy using this to bother max is not on the table because i think he deserves to be a#a bit of an ass. anyway LMAOO fkdglfg. let me know if youd like ive got anon asks on. please dont judge me for not knowing this.
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Me? Having a meltdown due to stupid changes in the work scheduling process?
More likely than you think!
#personal#work rant#vent#whatever its called#probably scared the shit out of my partner cause i was holding it together#and then they asked me what was weong#and i ended up crying on the kitchen floor for a half hour wanting nothing more than to quit#wish therapy was this week ngl#i felt good last week and it was wasted then....#if it werent for the faxt my partner is in the house id started smoking again#im fucking done#yeah no actually im not done ranting about this#we used to get an email from the scheduling team email address#and we replied 'no changes' or outlined whar changes occured in the current and upcoming weeks#now we use a stupid ass centralized program for scheduling that shows soft booked things etc without telling your its softbooked/tentitive#so it LOOKS like i have work for next week but really that file isnt in yet and i wont know inless i open the file.#which you dont do unless your starting the file so like!?!????#instead we are supposed to open every single file on our calendar for the next three weeks to see if they are actually in or not#follow up with the file manager on an eta#then 'contact resource management'about any changes#but then say give various ways to contact them#teams email d365 etc#but heres the kicker other than d365 theres no longer a general resource management contact so you have to reach out to an individual#and i dont know the individuals? so i dont know who to contact?#and if i process changes through d365 its per file#so if im making a change on 5 files its five request#the new system was supposed to make things easier and reduce the scheudling work as its non chargable#instead its increased the time needed and made it a clusterfuck of methods across the board#a centralized system with a bajillion work arounds to make it function
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Ngl bad parents give me such an ick like stay tf away from me ew
#this cousin of mine has twins#twin boys#and while i sort of understand why she is the way she is with them#i realy cant wrap my head completely around it#because well#its such blind idiot stupid fucking BAD behaviour especially for a mother was especially towards her children#especially when theyre twins and youre so blatantly partial the favoured one KNOWS hes favoured#like. she has absolutely ruined her second boy and absolutely cannot handle him and yet slaps him every chance she gets#doesnt listen to him refuses to indulge him even the least bit shows zero affection and ive been here three days and man can i see#that child is fucking parched for affection specifically from him mother because he is neglected#he knows he is neglected#he is scared shitless of her and acts out of his way to get any attention he can because that is the only time his mother will hold him#be it with sharp fingers and a hold that digs into his skin#theyre literally just 5 years old#the neglected child i a fucking dream come true. is already smart as FUCK#does anything you tell him to do RIGHT THAT SECOND#the only flaw is that he doesnt listen when anyone tells him not to do something which isnt even a flaw for fucks sake#thats a fucking child hes gonna ASK#and you shout at him and dont amswer him and when he keeps asking you hit him#my heart fucking cries man#the other one knows his mother favours him and despises his brother and that evil fucker (i know its not his fault) lies#and gets his brother hit and then fucking TEASES HIM ABOUT IT THREATENS HIM LATER ON LIKE I AM SO DISGUSTED#HOW MUCH OF AN AWFUL PARENT DO YOU HAVE TO BE FOR YOUR KIDS TO BE AWARE OF HOW TO MANIPULATE YOU AT THE AGE OF FUCKING FIVE#F I V E (5).#they. are. FIVE.#i seriously want to keep him to myself because she will ruin him#and whats more disgusting is when shes getting him to do stuff shes all like “baby do this” and the moment hes back and standing close she#pushes him away? looks at him disgusted? says “why do you bother me so much”??????#that is child is the most fucking neglected child ive ever seen and seriously man why does this happen and why do I HAVE TO WITNESS IT#the favoured one is pure evil and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING TO HIM HES DUMB ASF CANT EVEN WRITE ONE WORD WITHOUT DYING DOES NOTHING DOESNT LISTEN
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#i know this is like. childish. but im going to my first obgyn appointment in a few weeks and im. scred#*scared#i literally feel like crying#ive put this off for so so long and i need to see one#but just the thought of an exam makes me wanna throw up#i requested a female doctor but im so scared that they wont have one#and that wont make me any less dysphoric#and ive never even been insecure about my bush but now im stressing over like#“what if i look weird” or whatever#like what if it smells?? what if theres something wrong??#i get acne fown there too and now im worried that thats not normal#im way too old to be feeling like this#every time i voice my concern i get told that i sound like a child. that i HAVE to do this#ough. i dont like this why did i have to be born in this stupid fucking body
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i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!
#purrs#imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i#get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i#am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of#course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into#the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere#so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the#way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT#SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#delete later#like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy)#it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more#than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE#psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si#since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i#just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being#RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy#like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I#it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal
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i know their asses are fake music fans i know wamuu has never heard a single george michael song hes never even heard wake me up before you go-go. esidisi doesnt even KNOW about highway to hell. kars is also there
#SORRY IDK ANY CARS SONGS#i did look them up on spotify and like i listened to it and its good music!!!! but ive never heard it before LOL#anyway. i feel like ive sinned spelling acdc and wham like that#but i always spell kars with a k he looks stupid with a c... Automobile? your name is fucking automobile?#anyway as much as i just wanna call them wham and acdc. if i write them the official localization way#its easier for me to make clear when im talking about wham! (the pop duo) and AC/DC (the rock band)#anyway im allowed to post this because like well firstly why wouldnt i be#but secondly george michael is my moms fave singer#and before i discovered mcr i would say ac/dc was my fave band cuz that was like the first real artist i would just#sit down and listen to all their music you know#like before that i didnt have a fave!!! i would just say i liked 80s music#cause tbh all i listened to was video game songs and the radio#and i feel like half the radio was and still is one hit wonders#so id listen to one song by someone on spotify and like it but then i just wouldnt care for any of their other stuff a lot of the time#anyway ac/dc and eventually mcr were my gateway drug into like becoming a Music Guy (aka having more of a taste in music than i did +#when i was 12 years old.)#tldr wham is my moms fave band (''pop duo'' technically i guess but stfu its a band) and ac/dc was my first fave (and i still love em)#so im rightfully furious (jokingly) that these faker jjba villians dont even listen to their music!!!! THAT MUSIC IS BICHIN!!!!#stop killing people and listem to everything she wants by wham! please. please. it will fix you#also heres my formal apology to santana because like i have beef with kars for being kars#but santana didnt do shit i just dunno any songs by santana#like the band. sorry to mr. santana himself i will listen to your music one day i promise#anyway sorry for the ramble i looooove talking#muffin mumbles
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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