#any other kind of support from him is *possible* but not guaranteed to be successful. But that's what his friends are for!!

[windor-truffle]

Having Graces meta thoughts again, mostly about Asbel >:) not quite sure what direction this is gonna go or for how long so I'll put it under a cut:

Guess I'll start my ramble with the inciting incident: I was re-reading a beloved Graces fic (laudatory post to come out abt it and other fics sometime soon) and was struck by a line where Cheria notes that Asbel, to paraphrase, has always been empathetic, but also too damn stubborn. Mentally I tacked on that he's also generally oblivious and tends to act without thinking things through, which can hinder his ability to act compassionately too. It fascinates me that a character whose whole thing is reaching out to and believing in others is often impaired by his inability to notice that something's wrong in the first place--- I suppose if he noticed too quickly the plot would be over too soon! 😂 But from there I got caught up thinking about these core traits, and how they, like his foil Richard, can be both a blessing and a curse.

I know I've mused on Richard's hyper-awareness before, how it helps him by detecting threats early or enables him to notice and help a friend with their problems before they worsen. But it also is the source of his mistrust, anxiety, and pessimism, and keeps him from believing in others the way that Asbel can. And I've DEFINITELY mulled on Asbel's blind faith before, how it kept him from helping Richard sooner but of course also saved Richard in the end. But Asbel is almost a bit of a one-trick pony in that regard--- he is VERY good at believing in others, even at their lowest points when neither they nor anyone else can believe in them, but that's kinda all he does 😅 His belief in others is a hammer, and everything else looks like a nail.

It is very fortunate for him then to be in the kind of narrative that he is, that the people he saves this way were truly in need of that kind of help. Because sometimes people need support BEYOND faith and trust and love and general good vibes. Sometimes they need a shoulder to cry on, or a confidant to share their worries with, or a grin to cheer them up, or a lecture to slap some sense into them. And while Asbel is sometimes capable of doing these things on his own, they aren't his go-to response, and are in fact more likely to be suggested to him by his friends when he comes for advice. But that's exactly what those friends are for--- for everything he can't do, every problem he fails to notice, someone else in his group can step up and fill the gap, knowing that their own impediments are covered in return. It's almost like friendship is one of the themes of the game 😅

Idk, maybe it's a somewhat obvious conclusion to come to, but these musings have given me a new appreciation for Asbel's assertions that if they all work together, they can accomplish anything. Maybe he's not actually so blindly trusting if he's witnessed firsthand where cooperation can take them, and maybe he's not so oblivious if he noticed this simple truth.

[cepheustarot]

With whom and how will you spend February 14th?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: It will be quite an energetic, cheerful, active person, most likely younger than you. This person is quite passionate, very romantic, they will devote a lot of time to you, pay a lot of attention, will take care of you and will do everything for you to make you satisfied and happy. Also this person can be very creative: you can expect a gift from them that they will make for you themselves with their own hands. In addition they are quite calm and balanced, you feel comfortable and safe with them, you will not have a feeling of awkwardness next to them. There is always something to talk about with them, you can tell them about any topic, you can even have emotional and personal conversations. They are also those who do not condemn the actions of others and try to support their friends, their loved ones. 

As for how you will spend this day with them: you may be invited to some not very popular place where there will not be many people or it will be some kind of secluded place. There is also a possibility that you will spend this day at home but it will not be boring anyway. You will feel good with each other, you will talk a lot on any topic that day, get to know each other better — everything that will happen between you will only bring you closer, strengthen your bond. You will also receive a lot of attention, again, you may hear frequent compliments addressed to you, they will flirt with you a lot, they will pay a lot of attention, they can also give you something memorable that will surely please you.

Pile 2: You will spend this day with a person who is open to everything new, they like to try themselves in many fields, in many hobbies, they have rich life experience, they are quite erudite and understand many aspects. But most likely they do not have permanent interests or jobs, as they are still in search of themselves! A person is quite calm, not short-tempered, usually relies on his logic and life experience rather than on his feelings. They are also very responsible and take the matter seriously. They can also be called finicky, they are quite skeptical and biased about many things. But nevertheless this person always looks at things and people's actions fairly and objectively.

As for how you will spend this day with them: you can be invited on a date to a restaurant, arrange a romantic dinner for you. In any case you will spend time in some expensive luxurious place. Since this person is very responsible, they will try to do everything in the best possible way so that you are satisfied with this day. They are also very passionate, most often they express their love through touching, some gestures, so you can often feel their touch on your body, they can kiss you a lot, hold your hands, hug, fix your hair and all that sort of thing. I note that they will not keep eyes off you, they will look only at you and a loving look will be read in their eyes, they will look at you as if you are the most precious and valuable thing they have. Also this person is quite dominant and proactive so you can expect the first steps from him.

Pile 3: You will spend this day with a person who exudes the spirit of a confident successful person in everything, they can be good leaders and if they take part in any competitions, they will definitely achieve victories and prizes. They are also calm, I can say they are one of those who do not worry about nothing, do not like to think a lot about problems so they immediately solve these problems. The main thing in their life is stability, they can have a constant circle of friends, constant interests, constant work and constant income. Possibly they don't really like changes in their lives and don't like when something doesn't go according to plan. They can also work hard, immerse themselves in work or study because success is important to them in life and it is important to become a successful person. They are also very generous, always ready to help and support their loved ones. 

As for how you will spend this day with them: as I see it you can be at a great distance from each other here, and in this case you will spend time talking or making video calls. But there is also the option that you will go on travels together, on some kind of trip, and the whole day will be spent on the road. Here it will be difficult for a person to show their emotions and their attention to you, they may behave restrainly, shyly and distantly with you. Here rather you should take the first step and as soon as they see your interest, they will immediately respond in kind, will make compliments, give hints, talk about their feelings. They will be very careful to show their attention to you, they will not rush things, because it is important for them to enjoy the moment here and now, to get to know each other better.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

[basicsofislam]

ISLAM 101: Your Family: Part 3

Marriage in Islam

Marriage is one of the strongest relationships which Islam stresses, encourages and considers as one of the prophets’ practices.

Indeed, Islam attaches much importance to marriage rulings, etiquette and the spouses’ rights in such a way as to guarantee marital stability and permanence and create a successful family in which children are brought up enjoying psychological stability, observing devoutness and moral integrity, and displaying excellence in various aspects of life.

These rulings include the following:

Islam has laid down several conditions for the validity of the marriage contract.

They are as follows:

The Conditions Islam Stipulates Regarding the Wife

1) The wife must be Muslim, Jewish or Christian, believing in her religion. However, Islam encourages Muslim men to choose devout Muslim women for this purpose because a practising Muslim will be a good mother who will give her children the best possible upbringing and help her husband adhere to the teachings of Islam. As the Prophet (saw) said, “Marry a devout Muslim woman and you will prosper.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 4802; Saheeh Muslim: 1466)

2) She must be a chaste woman, as it is forbidden to marry a woman known for her lewdness and immorality. As the Qur’an states, “It is lawful for you to marry the chaste believing women and the chaste women of the people who were given the Book before you.” (Soorat Al-Maa’idah, 5:5)

3) She must not be one of those women whom he is never permitted to marry at any time in his life whatsoever (mahram), nor must he marry two sisters at the same time or a woman and her aunt at the same time.

The Conditions Islam Stipulates Regarding the Husband

The husband must be Muslim, and a Muslim woman is forbidden from marrying a non-Muslim man, no matter what his religion may be and whether he is a member of the People of the Book (i.e. Jewish or Christian)or not. Islam stresses that a man must be accepted as a husband as long as he meets the following two conditions:

Adherence to religion

Good character

The Prophet (saw) said, “If a man with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter’s hand in marriage, comply with his request.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 1084; Sunan Ibn Maajah: 1967)

The Spouses’ Rights and Obligations

Allah (swt) has entitled husband and wife to certain rights, made it incumbent upon both of them to discharge their duties and encourages them to engage in anything that is bound to promote marital life and preserve it. Indeed, they are both responsible for the welfare of the family and neither of them should demand the other to do something beyond their capacity, as the Qur’an states, “And women have rights similar to those of men over them in kindness.” (Soorat Al-Baqarah, 2:228) Therefore, tolerance and kindness are required to create a prosperous life and help build a strong family.

The Wife’s Rights

1) Maintenance and Residence

A Muslim man is duty-bound to support his wife and children in kindness.

- The wife’s maintenance entails her incontestable right to food, drink, clothing, general care and a suitable home, even if she is wealthy.

- How is the amount of maintenance calculated? The husband ought to spend on his wife in accordance with his means without extravagance or miserliness, as the Qur’an states, “Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him.”(Soorat At-Talaaq, 65:7)

- He must spend on her in kindness, without ever implying that he is doing her favours or humiliating her in any way whatsoever. Indeed, such maintenance is not a favour but a duty he ought to discharge towards his wife in kindness, as the Qur’an clearly exhorts him.

- When a Muslim man fulfils his duty of supporting his wife and children, he will be rewarded abundantly by Allah, as the Prophet (saw) said, “When a man spends on his family, anticipating Allah’s reward in the hereafter, this act of his will be counted as an act of charity.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 4776; Saheeh Muslim: 1401) He also said, “You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel of food which you put in your wife’s mouth.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 56; Saheeh Muslim: 1628) Those who refuse, or neglect their duty to spend on their families despite their ability to do so committing a terrible sin for their negligence, as the Prophet (saw) said, “A man who neglects those who are under his care would surely be committing a sin.” (Sunan Abu Daawood: 1692)

2) Living with Them in Kindness

This means showing good character, kindness, gentleness in word and deed and putting up with the occasional faults and negligence. As the Qur’an states, “Live together with them courteously and in kindness. If you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed a lot of good.” (Soorat An-Nisaa’, 4:19) The Prophet (saw) said, “The believers who have perfect faith are those with the best character, and the best of them are those who treat their women the best.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 1162) “The believers who have perfect faith are those with the best character, and the best among you are those who treat their wives the best.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 2612; Musnad Ahmad: 24677)

The best of you are the kindest towards their wives, and I am the kindest amongst you to my wives.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 3895)

One of the Prophet’s companions once asked him, “Messenger of Allah, what is the right the wife of one of us has on him?” he said, “To feed her whenever you feed yourself and to clothe her whenever you clothe yourself; do not slap her across the face, revile her or separate yourself from her except in the house.”(Sunan Abu Daawood: 2142)

3) Patience and Tolerance

A man must make allowances for women’s nature, which is obviously different from that of men; he must also try to look at life from all sides, considering the advantages and disadvantages of his wife, for no one is free from faults. Both spouses must exercise patience and take into account the positive aspects of each other’s personality, as the Qur’an states, “Do not forget to show kindness to each other.” (Soorat Al-Baqarah, 2:237) The Prophet (saw) also said in this respect, “A believer must not harbour any rancour against a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will certainly be pleased with another.” (Saheeh Muslim: 1469)

The Prophet (saw) urges men to treat women with kindness, pointing their attention to the fact that women’s emotional and psychological nature is different from that of men, that such differences between men and women are in actual fact complementary and must in no way give rise to discord and eventual divorce. The Prophet (saw) said, “Treat women well and with kindness, for a woman was created from the rib and thus she will not be straightened according to your way. If you want to enjoy her, you will have to enjoy her with her twist. If you try to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 3153; Saheeh Muslim: 1468)

4) Spending the Night with the Wife

The husband is recommended to spend the night with his wife and must do so at least once every four days.

5) Defending Her, Representing His Honour

When a man marries a woman, she becomes his ‘honour’ which he must stubbornly defend even if he gets killed in the process, as the Prophet (saw) said, “Whoever is killed defending his wife is a martyr.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 1421; Sunan Abu Daawood: 4772)

6) Not Revealing Bedroom Secrets

The husband must not talk to others about his wife’s particularities and bedroom secrets to other people. The Prophet (saw) said, “The worst person in the eyes of Allah on the Day of Judgement is that couple who have an intimate relationship with each other and the man then reveals their bedroom secrets to others.” (Saheeh Muslim: 1437)

7) Not Engaging in Aggressive or Hostile Actions against her

To solve marital problems, Islam has laid down a number of rules, including the following:

- Problems may be solved through constructive dialogue and wisdom in order to correct mistakes.

- In cases of rebellion, disloyalty and ill-conduct, the husband may stop talking to her, but without exceeding three days; if this course of action does not seem to work, then he may temporarily abandon her in bed or abstain from the usual sexual intimacy, but without leaving the house.

- ‛Aa’ishah ~ narrated, “Allah’s Messenger (saw) never hit anything with his hand ever, except when fighting in the path of Allah. Nor did he ever hit a servant or a woman.” (Saheeh Muslim: 2328)

8) Teaching and Advising Her

The husband must enjoin his family members to act rightly and forbid them to act inappropriately. He ought to strive hard to help them follow the path that leads to Paradise and avoid those paths that lead to Hellfire. Teaching them by precept and example, he can do so by acting on obeying Allah’s commands and avoiding things He has prohibited. The wife must also advise her husband, guide him to the right path and discuss with him ways of giving the best possible upbringing to their children. As the Qur’an states, “O You who believe, safeguard yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.” (Soorat At-Tahreem, 66:6) The Prophet (saw) also said in this regard, “Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for those in his custody.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 2416; Saheeh Muslim: 1829)

9) Honouring the Conditions Stipulated by the Wife

The husband must honour the marriage contract and fulfil the conditions stipulated in it.

If the wife makes a stipulation at the time of concluding the marriage contract, such as having a particular kind of accommodation or expenses and the husband agrees to such a condition, he must fulfil such an obligation, for a marriage contract is one of the most solemn agreements and obligations. The Prophet (saw) said, “Of all the conditions which you have to fulfil, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 4856; Saheeh Muslim: 1418)

The Husband’s Rights

1) Obedience in Kindness

Allah (swt) has placed men in charge of women, being responsible for their maintenance, guidance and general care, due to the characteristics with which He has endowed them, in addition to the money they spend to support them. As the Qur’an states, “Men have charge of women because Allah has preferred the one above the other and because they spend their wealth on them.” (Soorat An-Nisaa’, 4:34)

2) Attentiveness to His Sexual Needs

A Muslim woman must be attentive to her husband’s sexual needs and is recommended to beautify herself for him. If she refuses to respond to his legitimate sexual advances, she would be committing a monstrous sin, unless there is a legitimate excuse, such as being on her menses, making up an obligatory fast she has previously missed or being sick.

3) Not Allowing Anyone He Does not Like in His House

This is his right which she must respect. The Prophet (saw) said, “It is not lawful for a woman to observe a voluntary fast without the permission of her husband, nor is it lawful for her to allow anyone to enter his house without his permission.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 4899)

4) Not Leaving the House without His Permission

One of the husband’s rights is that she is not allowed to leave the house without his permission, whether she wants to go out for a personal or general need.

5) Service

A woman is recommended to serve her husband in kindness by preparing meals for him and undertaking other household chores.

[redacted-scp-antics]

I can't believe that I never really talked about the three main humanoid species I use in my canon (aside from humans). I think the time has come to change this. Behold, this is me talking about random stuff (that I'm very passionate about)

Part 1 will be about the Saints. I will try to keep everything as simple as possible. Because sometimes even I get confused by my talking u___u

-Saints are NOT born like humans. Every single one was created as a full-grown person. This makes them similar to other species.

-Their creator was the first Saint. He uses they/them and he/him pronouns. The Foundation and other goi call him "Satus." His real name is not known to them yet. (And I didn't come up with one so far °^°). Satus cares very deeply about the other Saints and tries everything they can to support them.

-Saints can not get pregnant. At least it didn't happen so far.

-They live in their own dimension, which is hidden behind the veil. The dimension is known for its warm light and beautiful nature.

-Saints are created for one main task. They protect those in need.

-Usually Saints stay away from humanity, but there have been cases where they have been asked to work with the Foundation or other GOI.

-The relationship between them and the Foundation/GOC and Serpent's Hand can be best described as "professional." The Saints are very careful when it comes to the veil.

-They have wings u_u pretty feathery wings. They can either be " Aurum" (golden wings).

"Argenti" (silver colored wings) or "Aereus" (bronze colored wings).

Every single Saint is created with golden wings.

However, they can change if certain things happen. As I mentioned before, Saints are a very protective kind. And many of them start to form bonds with the people or animals they protect. Sadly, they can't guarantee to be successful. Saints who lose something they care about often fall into deep grieving. During this, their wings turn silver.

Saints are living beings with their own feelings and desires. They are not toys or simple weapons. That's why something a Saint will stop fulfilling their task. This can have different reasons. Some of them have been influenced by something outside their control. In other cases, the people they wanted to protect did something so horrible in the eyes of the Saint that they left them behind. Every time this happens, their wings turn bronze.

The changing of the colors is NOT done by their creator. Satus has nothing to do with this. It just happens.

-They only have wings but no halos.

-Yes, Saints are there to protect. However, they are not pushovers. All of them are very skilled fighters and able to hold their own against other species. When it comes to fighting, they prefer to use either their hands or weapons such as swords or daggers. They also can create light and use it to fight or blind the enemy.

-The tallest Saint so far was 1.85m tall. Most of them are between 1.60m-1.75m.

-Saints are very open-minded. None of them cares if the person they interact with is straight/a lesbian/ace or something else. The same goes for someone being trans or cis. Saints themselves can be trans as well.

If you have any questions, please let me know :3.

[marketingprofitmedia]

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Easy to Use: The platform is user-friendly, making it accessible for beginners.

AI Automation: AI handles much of the heavy lifting, including design and SEO.

Versatility: Offers six different types of websites, allowing for multiple streams of income.

SEO-Friendly: All sites are optimized for search engines, helping to drive organic traffic.

Monetization Options: Comes with built-in monetization tools for all website types.

Cons:

You need internet for using this product.

No issues reported, it works perfectly!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ’s)

Q. What is 6SiteAI?

6SiteAI is a revolutionary AI-powered platform that enables you to create six different types of high-converting websites in minutes. Whether you need a web tool site, travel affiliate site, ClickBank review site, ebook store, AI prompt store, or digital product store, 6SiteAI allows you to manage everything from a single dashboard, requiring no coding or design skills.

Q. Do I need any technical skills to use 6SiteAI?

Not! 6SiteAI is fully beginner-friendly. With an intuitive user interface, the AI takes care of all the heavy lifting, allowing you to create stunning websites with just a few clicks—no coding or technical expertise required.

Q. Are there any ongoing fees?

No, once you purchase 6SiteAI, you won’t have to worry about any monthly or hidden fees. You’ll receive lifetime access to all features and future updates at no extra cost.

Q. Is there a money-back guarantee?

Yes, we provide a rock-solid 30-day money-back guarantee. If you’re not completely satisfied with 6SiteAI, simply let us know within 30 days, and we’ll refund your purchase—no questions asked!

Q. Can I sell websites created with 6SiteAI to my clients?

Yes, with the included commercial license, you can create and sell as many websites as you want to clients. You can even offer website creation services and charge a premium for your work!

Q. Can I customize the websites created with 6SiteAI?

Absolutely! 6SiteAI provides extensive customization options. You can adjust the look and feel of your websites, add your branding, modify content, and much more to make each site uniquely yours.

Q. How do I get started with 6SiteAI?

Getting started is a breeze! Just click the ‘Get Started’ button, follow the quick setup process, and you’ll be building your first website in minutes. No complex setups or technical obstacles—just a smooth experience from start to finish.

Q. Is 6SiteAI compatible with different devices?

Yes, 6SiteAI is fully responsive and works on all devices—desktop, tablet, and mobile. Your websites will look great and perform flawlessly on any device.

Q. Do you offer customer support?

Yes, we offer 24/7 dedicated support to assist you with any questions or issues you may have. Our team is always available to help you get the most out of 6SiteAI. If you have any other inquiries, don’t hesitate to reach out to our support team—we’re here to help!

6SiteAI Review: My Recommendation

6SiteAI is a flexible tool that can become a solid base for six kinds of profitable websites with no effort. Its AI based automation and the half baked plethora of integrated monetization features makes it a good proposition to both newbie and pro webmasters. Despite some drawbacks concerning its flexibility and level of control, it has many advantages, more valuable for people who want to start as many revenue-generating websites as possible as soon as possible. In particular, if a person is willing to expand the range of earnings on the internet and explore the sections of various profitable niches, he or she will be interested in taking advantage of offers presented by 6SiteAI. com. I found the interface of 6SiteAI easy to use, there are many site types; it makes 6SiteAI unique for digital businessmen.

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Check Out My Previous Reviews: ClickAISites Review, StoreBuddy AI Review, DubMaster AI Review, AI Dady Review, and High Ticket Profit System Review.

Thank for reading my 6SiteAI Review till the end. Hope it will help you to make purchase decision perfectly.

Disclaimer: This review is based on available information and user experiences. Individual results may vary. It’s recommended to conduct thorough research and due diligence before making any investment decisions.

Note: This is a paid software, and the one-time price is $17.

[creswellda]

The most important issue with this addendum

"Player shall complete at least at least four (4) hours of Madden nfl 24 Coins independent Research (as defined below) each week (excluding any bye week) during each Playing season (as specified below) for the duration that follows the Contact."

It also outlines what this means, and add that Murray isn't able to multitask during the time he is required to study. There are no videos, no TV and no internet browsing during the four hours. If it sounds strange, that's because it's. This kind of study clause isn't found in any Madden NFL 24 agreement before. On the surface it might not appear to be a huge deal We're already seeing the effects of the decision.

The most important issue with this addendum isn't mandating independent study but rather what the mandate reveals. The preciseness of the provision could have anyone coming to the result: "Kyler Murray doesn't study, so we're forcing him to." This isn't in accordance with what the Cardinals were required to do in the agreement. It was to create faith, show their support into Murray and move forward.

Murray's relationship to fans had to be mending. There was a rift, caused by rumors of possible trades and a desire to leave Arizona. There was also the anger at how he refused to return to the field amid an unsuccessful playoff match in the face of the Rams. At a time where it was imperative to have even and trust built for all sides as a result, the Cardinals threw this clause in and destroyed everything. Perceptions have been reset and the perception that Murray isn't working hard enough -- or needs to be made to "love" football (a longstanding pre-draft charge because of his love for baseball) is back in the spotlight.

The Arizona Cardinals made Kyler Murray one of the highest-paid quarterbacks of Madden NFL 24 on Thursday, inking a new 5-year agreement worth $230M with $160 million in guarantees. It's true. He's worth it. Murray causes angst whenever it concerns Madden NFL 24 fans. There were plenty of negative comments about Murray when I announced that he was one of the Top 5 quarterbacks from the game in my 2022 rankings. The ratings considered physical capabilities Mut 24 Coins, intangibles and the other factors that surround the quarterback in order to evaluate their chances of success in the upcoming seaso

[peach-astrology]

Mars in the houses

Mars in the first house:

1)A very strong and brave person.He can be quick-tempered,but due to his perseverance and strong character,he wins competitions and is a good opponent.

2)Depending on the position of Mars in the sign and its aspects,but in any case,a person(karmically)must work hard in life- both in the external world and in the internal,and especially devote a lot of effort to the formation of his personality.

3)People often fall in love with you.You are very inspiring to other people,please don't give up,you are really cool.

4)I noticed that people in this position have unusual facial features.For example,they have thick or unruly hair, freckles,or a sly and strong look.Most often they are high.

5)They value honesty and realism.They don't like to think much about philosophical things.

Mars in the second house:

1)Hardworking and very fond of money.They like to build a successful and long-term career.

2)This arrangement indicates people who are talkative,it is useless to argue with them.They are skilled in mathematics,earn money through real estate,are interested in politics and say frankly what they think.They sing or have the ability to work on the radio.

3)Bad aspects can indicate frequent financial and property crises.A person spends as quickly as he earns.He needs to learn to control his spending.

4)If a person has Mars in Capricorn/Scorpio/Aries,then he is guaranteed monetary success.He is enterprising,active,sees a large number of opportunities around him and uses them one hundred percent.

5)The good aspects point to the comfortable and favorite work of humans.It works not only for money,but also for pleasure.He is proud of himself and his position.

Mars in the third house:

1)Person is impatient.The last thing he likes to do is wait a long time for a response to his messages.Such a person can show pressure in business situations,and often achieves what he wants through courage and a natural gift of persuasion.

2)By the way,often Mars in the 3rd house has a great interest in technology,and therefore can fix a lot himself in the mechanism of a car,motorcycle or bicycle.

3)Good aspects indicate a strong and inquisitive mind,bad aspects indicate poor memory and learning problems.

4)You are witty and completely outspoken,and sometimes tactless.Active intellectual work is suitable for you.

5)If you have a brother or sister,they may have Scorpio/Aries placements.They can also be hot-tempered,get involved in boxing or make a permanent mess at home.

Mars in the fourth house:

1)He knows how to cool his ardor at the right time.They often want to be in charge of the family.They like to do the renovation and decoration of their home.

2)In 99% of cases,they have problems with their parents or family.Their characters are too different.

3)You may have been brought up in harsh or unpleasant conditions,so you have little trust in people and comfort is very important to you.You don't want to repeat the mistakes of your parents,so you can seriously get carried away with books about parenting and going to psychologists.There's nothing wrong with that!

4)With bad aspects,mental disorders and deep mental suffering are possible.Good aspects increase strength and energy,activity and enterprise and create an opportunity to acquire real estate and implement ideas,plans and goals.

5)I often noticed this position in people who worked hard and studied hard to support their families.They are very caring and loving,but they may not show it because of stress or fatigue.

Mars in the fifth house:

1)You love competitions,arguments and adventures.If you are the captain of the team,then you will definitely win.You are able to maintain team spirit and you are comfortable working in a friendly team.

2)The 5th house sometimes points to our children,so I just wish you patience.Your child may be too active or disobedient,try to teach from childhood to love to learn,otherwise there may be problems in the future.It can also be a Sun Aries or Scorpio.

3)In general,you are not boring.Positive aspects indicate that you are the soul of the company or you are often approached to get acquainted.Bad aspects indicate risky and dangerous actions.Think a thousand times before you do something.

4)I'm sorry to frighten you,but my book says that giving birth to such people is very difficult.Carefully monitor your health.

5)You are a sensual and passionate nature.You flirt well,which makes you even more attractive.

Mars in the sixth house:

1)Perfectionists,so they can be trusted with difficult and responsible work.They may be too lazy or too hardworking.They love to thoroughly understand complex mechanisms and processes,they like to process and analyze information,put everything on the shelves,optimize their activities.

2)Their main goal is not money and career growth.It is more important for them to get satisfaction from achievements and results in order to feel happy.

3)This is a born analyst who logically approaches the solution of problems and tasks.Relies on the brain,not the heart,to make decisions.He is a practitioner all the knowledge that he receives in the process of life,immediately applies.

4)He will try to create the most comfortable living conditions for his family.It is important for him to feel stability and be confident in the future.

5)With bad aspects,such people tend to be picky and grumpy.

Mars in the seventh house:

1)An unpleasant position,there is a possibility of a toxic or aggressive partner.Their partner can be a little brash,rude,or rebellious.On the other hand,it often indicates a partner with a lot of energy and plans.He is stubborn and always achieves his goals.

2)His opponents are strong and assertive,and fights with them often end in serious injuries physical or financial.He often gets into trouble and easily gets involved in quarrels.

3)The bad aspects point to divorce.

4)He was used to acting quickly and confidently towards others.Sometimes he shows excessive pressure and strong-willed influence,which is perceived negatively by others.With soft and sensitive people,such a person is not on the way.

5)You are a great competitor,so you can work in politics,sports or business.

Mars in the eighth house:

1)You are very sensitive to the topic of money and probably want to have more of it than you have now.You reach out to people who already have money or obviously want wealth.

2)For bad aspects,I sincerely recommend not taking out loans or spending property or huge amounts of money.There is a high probability of not paying back the debt and spending money on the wind.Read the contracts carefully.

3)Good aspects create a sense of benefit.Such a person knows who to make deals with,he has a profitable and active job.

4)Monitor the health of the genitals.Avoid fire and cutting objects and treat wounds carefully.

5)They like to explore theories and riddles.They are very curious and they like mysticism,they can like detectives.

Mars in the ninth house:

1)You may have been disliked by your teachers because you tend to express your opinions.You are the kings of discussion and know how to defend your point of view.

2)Such people love to learn.They have a broad outlook,but their brain doesn’t immediately understand the explanation,so they often learn in their own way.Sometimes this position indicates self-taught people.

3)Negative aspects indicate short temper and stubbornness.Such people argue for the sake of argument.Positive aspects indicate fairness.Such a person is interested in the opinions of other people and tries to expand their knowledge.

4)Often such people work according to their own regime.They can be freelancers or have a night job.

5)Very good position for businessmen.A person with such a position has good managerial abilities,purposefulness and great vital energy.

Mars in the tenth house:

1)He is very independent and responsible,knows how to make decisions and is not afraid to take the initiative.

2)He can quickly become successful,and then also quickly find himself at the bottom.His life is an endless series of ups and downs.

3)In the negative aspect,Mars makes a person conflicted,aggressive.In a positive aspect,it indicates success.His career is very important to him.But family and personal relationships often take a back seat.

4)Such a person may have a problematic relationship with his mother.

5)They know how to work in competition.In life(with bad aspects),almost all people are seen as enemies.Maybe there was some kind of psychological trauma.

Mars in the eleventh house:

1)You work well in collaboration with others who share your goals,ideals,and intentions.You can inspire people to work towards a common goal.

2)If he is passionate about something,he strives to bring it to the end and get a concrete result.

3)He's friends with all sorts of people.Nationality,level of education and status in society are not important here.The main thing is to have common hobbies,aspirations and desires.

4)Positive aspects indicate the qualities of an excellent organizer.It inspires and appeals to other people.Negative aspects create problems with people.He is often betrayed or deceived.

5)Such a person never adapts to someone.If you have different views on life or different characters,that such people will say goodbye to you.They don't fucking need to change you.

Mars in the twelfth house:

1)Watch your feet very carefully.Wear comfortable shoes,play football carefully and don’t overdo it with the stretch.

2)He doesn’t give the impression of an active and active person.Others often underestimate him.

3)He has a good imagination.He does a lot of his work intuitively.Such a person can’t always explain in words how he came to this result.

4)Very good position for astrologers,fortune tellers or psychics.Their work is often associated with something mystical or creative.They like detective stories and psychology.

5)You may have quite a lot of energy and energy,you lack confidence or just the desire to put yourself and your interests first.Love being alone at work.You like to help.

[theseerasures]

why is it so hard to defect from Atlas?

Barbara Dunkelmann said during Comic-Con at Home last year that this season’s theme would be “distrust,” but i’m wondering now if the more appropriate word is “discontent.” since Divide, we’ve had arguments big and small, teams splitting up and recombining, and of course, :( and :/ galore at all the war, all the crimes, all the war crimes, and all the general bad decisions (not to be confused with James Ironwood, General Bad Decisions). we’ve now had our first major defections of the season with Hazel and Emerald, which is...interesting to me; they’re both long-runners, certainly, but part of the reason they’re long-running is because their arcs have ALWAYS been on a slow boil. for the defection to happen around the mid-season mark, a lot of things (particularly for Hazel) had to happen very quickly, particularly since they both skipped out the previous season altogether. this is made all the more interesting by the fact that the Atlesian supporting cast who filled the time in season 7 are similarly discontented, but...well, a generous reading of it would be that they’re still “figuring things out,” but we’ve also been watching them “figure things out” for two seasons now, Winter and Marrow especially. why did Hazel and Emerald defect first when they work for the main villain, when Winter and the AceOps--who have taken up more screen time cumulatively during the Atlas arc--are still hemming and hawing to various degrees?

long discussion under the cut--but the tl;dr is: it’s because they live in a (narratively constructed) society

i’m actually gonna start with the discontent that DIDN’T result in defection, which is obviously the Yang-Ruby split. we’ve known that members of Team Protagonist--most notably Yang and Ren--have had doubts for a while now, and sure enough, when push comes to shove they pick a path separate from their implicit leader. as protagonists Yang and Ren are frequently our POV characters, so we’re predisposed to sympathize with them as they doubt Ruby’s agenda, root for them as they bring it up to Ruby in conversation, and...watch as they...regretfully but cordially agree to disagree...

wait, what?

that’s the thing about Team Protagonist, especially at this point in the narrative: everyone feels safe and secure enough in themselves and in each other to communicate openly, even when they disagree. every time Yang felt uncomfortable she talked to somebody about it, and even Ren--Mr. Weaponizing Repression himself--was able to express how he felt. even if it took some prodding from Nora/Yang, even if the direction of his emotions ended up misfiring and hurting his friends--they’re his friends. his family, even. Team Protagonist is able to act and stay together so effectively because they make open communication a priority: they follow Ruby’s lead, but they also trust that Ruby will LISTEN to them, even if she doesn’t always agree.

(the reason they had this disagreement at all is because of the time they couldn’t talk things through, and just had to uncritically back Ruby’s play--when they first entered Atlas. funny, that.)

Team Salem obviously doesn’t work the same way, and this season has made it particularly explicit just how much everyone lives in a state of constant fear and surveillance. what makes solidarity and eventual rebellion possible (though terrifying), though, are two things: first, Salem--being an upstart herself--actually encourages a level of individual initiative in her followers (well. encouraged; i have a feeling with the Hound being a success and Hazel and Emerald’s defection she’s about to change her tune). she’s a master manipulator, and uses people’s individual wants to sway them to her side; but she’s also not a mind-reader, which is kind of biting her in the ass right now.

second, Salem herself is so many LEAGUES beyond everyone else on her “team” that (unless you’re actively trying to be a tit) there...isn’t actually much of a hierarchy beyond “Salem’s in charge.” Watts and Cinder--both Atlesian to varying degrees, mind--are the two who try the hardest to carve out some authority of their own, but even Watts is at least convivial with everyone (except Cinder). to be on Team Salem you have to accept that this is her world and you just live in it, and that ends up equalizing people from very disparate backgrounds with very disparate personalities and skillsets. no one, not even Tyrian, is under the delusion that Salem cares about them, or will listen to their counsel. so when it comes to the least of her followers--Emerald, who (joke copyright @professorspork) is basically Salem’s grandpet, this gerbil who follows her around now for some reason and occasionally makes weird noises (”you mean crying?” Emerald asks, crying)--it’s actually quite easy for her to escape Salem’s notice until it’s too late, while firming up the solidarities that she has (Hazel and Mercury--not Cinder).

to defect, Emerald and Hazel need a degree of narrative interiority, some sense of security with each other (even if it’s just subconscious), and time. time to work things out from their point of view, pull the wool from their eyes. this season’s narrative has given them all that and more.

our Atlesian potential defectors...haven’t been so lucky, and the most recent episode has made that contrast very explicit.

i’m sure i’m not the only one who assumed, when Ironwood first floated the bomb plan, that we’d be getting some kind of Mission Impossible sneaky stealth shit. we’re used to seeing the AceOps do small squad missions, after all, and the timing felt right thematically too, since we left War with Ren literally expositing to all of them that they do, in fact, have feelings. an extended mission to themselves would give them a chance to air out those feelings away from Atlas’ own system of surveillance, figure out what to do together...

but we didn’t get any of that. instead, we got the whoosh laser kapow version of a Sassoon poem, and the AceOps barely talked to each other at all. the only points of view we got were from Marrow, and Winter.

this isn’t the first time something like this has happened to them this season, either--remember the Penny Retrieval mission that wasn’t? there were also hopes that Marrow and/or Winter would turn at that point, but then Salem invaded. Winter and the AceOps have had the potential to defect for a while now, but the narrative has been actively withholding opportunities for them to actualize on any of that potential. it’s been actively withholding opportunities for them to act as a team, period.

it’s possible to handwave this as writerly convenience--everyone can’t defect at the same time, the episodes don’t have room for it--but the ways that defections have been prioritized so that the Atlesians come after also points to a recurring motif with Atlas, which Elm says explicitly in Witch: you can deal with your issues later.

there’s always some kind of delayed promise at Atlas, isn’t there? the Amity project will help. Mantle’s Wall will get fixed (until it wasn’t). when Penny confronts Winter about leaving Mantle to die, Winter says first that they don’t have time, and it seems like they never actually do, except for in this imagined later, when they’ll reckon with every thing that they’ve done.

it doesn’t exist, of course. fascism is only able to remain effective through the engineering of crisis, and Salem might as well be a crisis perpetual motion generator. you can’t conscientiously object if your conscience is constantly stifled by the next emergency.

what the Atlesian scenes in Witch demonstrate is this: Atlas presses down all around them, at all times. even if the AceOps want to stop policing each other and work as a real team, they can’t right now, because they are now officers in a war, because they’re constantly looked to, because they’re part of an infinitely greater machine that demands their service. and right now lasts forever--you will NEVER have time to talk out your discontent...

and even if you steal time and perspective like Marrow does (like Emerald has been doing, thief that she is) with Winter, there is no guarantee of any solidarity. what makes their conversation so simultaneously fascinating and frustrating is that there is clearly some level of rapport, or at least recognition. Marrow goes to Winter because Winter’s in charge, but Marrow also goes to Winter because Winter might hear him out...and she does. Winter does what Winter has consistently done when a person seeks her out and earnestly asks to be heard, and responds compassionately. but at the same time, Winter does what Winter has consistently done when a person seeks her out and earnestly asks to be heard: she turns away. in a conversation that is supposed to be about a shared trust between the two of them, Winter cannot bring herself to trust Marrow. the Atlesian system is built out of these hierarchies within hierarchies, distrusts within distrusts (well i guess Barbara had a point after all), and Winter, abused kid that she is, has played this game all her life. so she defaults to rank and duty--what they have to do now--and the conversation goes nowhere. Marrow leaves it as alone and bitterly resigned as when he’d entered it.

so when is this moral inertia gonna go somewhere? IS it going somewhere? well, i’m still holding out hope that the AceOps will get some time to themselves as part of Bomb the Whale, and i’m certain that even if it doesn’t fall into their lap Marrow will eventually demand it. the fact that they still work well together on the field as partners should mean something. the question is, though: what will it take to bring that later to the present?

and at what point does it become too late?

[kafkaoftherubble]

Ooohhhhhhhhhh—this is soooooo juicy!

A candid revolutionary who trusts a charming man to be her partner in life and equal in idealogy... and the charming man who's now torn between loyalties. Oh, now this is Fire Emblem I would play! I don't know where to insert the obligatory lord character, but you mentioned the other two characters, right?! Maybe one of them could fit the role, and voila! A good-ass Fire Emblem story for the future!

---

This reminded me of this half-baked-but-quite-enduring daydream I once had that's kinda set on Fodlan in Blue Lions' route. I have never told anyone before, but... well, I feel like sharing!

Warning: it's quite a long one! Read only if you're bored!

It's about how the remnants of the Adestrian Empire's old establishment and Edelgard's remaining revolutionaries have become united in teeth-clenched teamwork against the Faerghus royalties and their lords/ladies.

Referencing Dimitri's ending card in Blue Lion, he's been very accommodating to his critics; he hosts a lot of public discussions and symposia, allows salons of all kinds by citizens, and has been nursing an idea of returning Adestria and Leicester to their own people. A lot of it was just him trying to placate the ghost of Edelgard, who now joins his psychosis. A significant portion of it was an evolution of his idea about Duscur and how to do right by her people, represented by Dedue. A smaller but also equally important reason is pragmatic—there had been a growing number of small, seemingly disconnected outbreaks of conflicts between Adestrian natives and Faerghus migrants (Adestria are richer in resources, better in climates, bountiful in lands and games, etc.) who had been settling there for 5 years or more since the war ended. Felix had also reported reports of the New Revolutionaries, who capitalized on how far Fhirdiad is from Adestria as well as Dimitri's tacit allowance of freedom of speech to galvanize their movement.

Dimitri feels that maybe by giving back Adestria its land, he could guarantee better peaceful co-existence in the long term. But many of his court, and even his people, reject it on many grounds. Both Leicester and Adestria are too rich in resources (the former with their bountiful lands, the latter with their successful commerce), and Faerghus's people genuinely need these resources. Handing back the lands will mean Faerghus has to deal with the possibility of reignited hostilities on Adestria's side, which can impede trade negotiation and once again put Faerghus back at a terrible disadvantage (especially since Faerghus is landlocked). There is also a sentiment of "just occupation," in that Faerghus is occupying these lands because Adestria, in the first place, started a pan-Fodlan war harming so many people outside her territory and was basically trying to impose Adestrian imperialism.

There is an explosion of common folks practicing simple magic since the war died down, and new schools���unaffiliated with Garreg Mach, though a few teachers were ex-students—had been set up in several towns. Literacy is growing, and so Reason magic itself is becoming more proliferated.

Anyway, the main character of this daydream was a mage working at a printing press in a Faerghusian town. Their printing is done via magic, yea, but it's a complicated process. The mage is really just trained enough in one of these new-founded schools and is not that well-learned, but she gets to read a lot of materials while working. That includes New Revolutionary pamphlets and monarchist supporters' newsletters and ivory tower journals and common folk tabloids and newspapers of all factions etc.

Her boss operates on money-only neutrality and encourages his employees not to discriminate against any request, lest they begin to attract conflicts and accusations and whatnot. "If the client can pay the fee, print their things and keep it professional."

The protag has her birthname "revoked" by her low-gentry family in a village after she committed a catastrophic embarrassment while her family is hosting a lord. Like Brandi, OCD is involved. In the village, she is known as "Unnamed Creature," after her father, who rules the village, decides to decree her as "non-existent." The villagers mostly obey out of admiration and respect for her parents, who did a lot to protect them during the war, though there were plenty of times when villagers secretly acknowledge the protag as "existent" and giving her some helping hand.

Since she has "no name," she makes one up for her work and social interaction purposes called "Eucie" (from U.C., Unnamed Creature). Her workplace is far away in a full-fledged town, so Eucie often musters enough courage to chat with her clients while working. This inadvertently made her knowledgeable about different political undercurrents and ideas of the times, but her real passion lies in education reform after reading up some tracts about how important education is + her own experience of how learning shapes her thinking and makes her feel more than just an abandoned failure.

When she learns that the latest public symposium is in a nearby town from her workplace and that anyone is welcome to propose their idea, Eucie decides to write a proposal for her ideal education reform. She ultimately aims to impress Dimitri himself and even makes up a noble-sounding name called "Dietgard," thinking it will make people take her idea more seriously, and copies an accent many of her clients have. She takes a few days of leave from her printing press work (her boss, while rather money-loving, is rather paternal about his employees and cares about Eucie, so he encourages her) and leaves with a group formed of different people all heading to That Town.

On the journey, she befriends different people of different backgrounds and learns of the gigs one could do while a symposium is held. She decides to get a job as a cleaning crew along with several other members of the group. What she didn't know, though, is that these people are New Revolutionaries who plan to begin the first of their political uprisings in the symposium, where Dimitri himself will be present.

Eucie, with her fancy name "Dietgard", begins to attract the group for her knowledge of their ideologies and her acceptance of their arguments. They start to see her as one of their own. They look out, defend, and support her and she supports them in return while they work as the cleaning crew. She also shows them her Education Reformation manifesto, which the group is impressed enough that they incorporate many of her ideas into their own policies and manifesto. Either way, "Dietgard" has become more and more drawn into a faction she herself is somewhat sympathetic to, but ultimately not a firm supporter of. But she's so happy to have a group to belong to that she sticks by.

On the second day of the symposium when the charismatic face of the New Revolutionaries—Eucie's new friend— gives their manifesto. After infiltrating the cleaning crew and other jobs in the town for so long, they easily kickstart their riot. Chaos ensues, and Dimitri has a near-miss with an assassination attempt. It unfortunately triggers his PTSD, and he loses control in public.

Meanwhile, the uprising takes an entire night to quell. Townsfolks have been largely safe because the New Revs want to make sure they are supported by the people and so avoid harming the people, but collateral damage and wounded nobles abound. Dimitri's public breakdown fuels anxieties over his fitness to rule, which is one part of the New Revs' plan. Documents of supposed corruption between lords, including those done during the pre-unification of Fodlan, are leaked to the public. Many of these tracts have been systematically printed over the years by different printing companies, including Eucie's.

Felix organizes an investigation into this insurrection while the ruling court imposes an emergency clampdown on freedom called the Emergency. New Revs, expecting this, work this clampdown in their favor and galvanize rage against Faerghus. Meanwhile, others opposing the New Revs are also mobilized, chiefly the monarchists and Faerghus natives and sympathizers, and begin to rise in retaliation.

The daydream ends with Eucie being found by Felix's investigation unit under the name "Dietgard." Her involvement with the New Revs has been corroborated and her manifesto's similarities with the New Rev's own had been noted. While she proclaims no involvement and innocence, the group still detains her for interrogation. Outside, her old friends begin to use her as their rallying call, especially since her "name" resembles the late Edelgard, their almost-deified figure.

Inside, meanwhile, Eucie tries her best to make choices that don't compromise what she genuinely believes—that many of these ideas need not be in conflict with each other, and that there are better ways to resolve these political disagreements, and one of the ways is education. Thus, she is dragged into a political struggle that she isn't equipped to handle, and has to juggle between her ambition as "Dietgard, the King's advisor", her supposed persona as "Dietgard, the face of the New Revolutionaries," and her longest-standing identity as "Eucie, the unnamed creature."

THE END. THE DAYDREAM BECAME TOO BIG.

I don't want to reblog my art post with this, so here's some Brandi Taube lore. @kafkaoftherubble

Brandi is a tritagonist, but unlike the two other Mcs, she does not have a personal connection to the emperor. She is a baker in the capital city who attends public debates and is very politically active.

After a politician was arrested for treason, she becomes anti monarchist. The politician was not committing treason, they were exercising their right to freedom of speech and was arrested because they were advocating for a government reform.

Brandi is somewhat openly anti monarchist. She has posters in her bakery talking about the good of becoming a democracy. Because of this, pro monarchy government officials target her and send a spy to become her friend and figure out what other people are anti monarchist so they can be arrested.

Enter Lewis. Lewis is the guy sent to spy on her. He starts by just hanging out at her bakery a lot, until Brandi notices him as a regular. They start talking whenever he's there and end up dating. Now, dating Lewis is really really big and exciting for Brandi. She has OCD and though she has coping mechanisms and can somewhat function by herself, she is scared to ever tell anyone this because they almost always treat her as dangerous or insane.

Lewis does not. He says she's perfect and he'll help her however he can. Obviously this makes Brandi trust him a lot and she tells him about all sorts of anti monarchist meetings she attends and the people involved.

Problem is, Brandi is a really amazing person so Lewis falls in love with her and he feels so horrible about being forced to rat her out to the government.

I still haven't decided if he should elope, rat her out or do something else entirely.

[bokutosworld]

then and now | kuroo t.

pairing: kuroo tetsurō x f!reader word count: 1863 words, fluff! mutual pining!  warning: manga spoilers, with mention of kuroo’s timeskip occupation summary: always the bridesmaid, never the bride. you thought your time would never come until someone from your past comes along and brings up something you’ve long forgotten. OR where you and kuroo make a silly marriage pact and he shows up after years apart to make it come true.  

He chuckled, now comfortably holding your one hand and hiding it in his pocket to keep it warm. “Here I was wondering if you were waiting for me.

Because I was.” 

The church bell tolls, white doves are released, and joyful cheer and applause erupts from the crowd as the newlywed couple steps out from the cathedral. The now husband-and-wife gaze at each other full of love, and it is a sight guaranteed to make one envious and long for that same kind of affection. 

But to you, it’s a scene that you’ve seen so many times that it already feels like a short film played on repeat. For the past year, you’ve lost count of how many weddings you’ve attended – whether as a guest or part of the bride’s entourage – that you’ve acquainted yourself with the workings of the event. 

Heck, you’ve even memorized the readings of the priest that if they ever need a replacement, you can be the stand-in and officiate the program. 

However, this wedding was different. Your best friend of more than fifteen years is the one who walked down the aisle, and you’re more emotional than you expected you’d be. Earlier in the morning, she woke you up, feeling sentimental, and demanded a pep talk. It was laughable because, more than her, you thought it was you who needed that assurance as you sent off your childhood friend to a new journey in her life. 

The whole ordeal felt surreal and somehow, a tad more personal, because it wasn’t just any bride – this was the same girl you grew up with, the one you’ve seen in diapers, the one who held your hand in the playground, the person who you always ran to for boy troubles. Watching her exchange vows and rings felt like a coming to life of a scrapbook page, a long-awaited dream that you’ve talked about together in sleepovers where none of you really slept. 

It made you wonder if you will ever march down the same aisle towards the waiting arms of your beloved.  

---

“What a wedding, huh?” 

The hotel reception was no different to the ceremony that took place prior. This time again, you wore the bride’s maid-in-honor hat and only after making sure that everything – that included the food, drinks, and entertainment – were in place did you take your place on the table and chatted with your old friends from high school. 

The conversation started off with comments on how grand, intimate, and special the ceremony was. They talked about how it was wedding season, counting just how many of their schoolmates have already been wed. And before you knew it, eyes were on you and you had an inkling of what would follow. 

“So,” Yoshioka, your former student council president, turned towards you. “You’re the only bachelorette left in our batch. We’re just curious.”

You laughed awkwardly, “No, please don’t expect a wedding invitation from me anytime soon. I’m still happily single.” The smile you wore felt strained, but whether the other girls recognized it or not, they chose to not comment further. 

“Besides, it’s a great source of joy for me just being able to see you guys get married.” Noticing that the lights have begun to dim and focused on the spot on the stage, you clapped your hands, “Now, let’s just enjoy Yukie’s wedding, alright! Look, they’re coming out.” 

As soon as the couple walked to the floor for their first dance, you heaved a sigh of relief and slumped in your cushioned chair. They moved gracefully as one across the dance floor, seemingly lost in their own world as they gazed deeply in each other’s eyes and swayed to the tune of the love song. 

You thought back to the conversation earlier and weirdly, you felt a pang inside. Truth is, in every wedding you’ve attended, you can’t help but feel wishful. You consider yourself successful in almost every aspect of your life but sometimes, it can feel dejecting when you return home to an empty apartment at the end of a tough workday. 

A part of you craved to make that little girl’s dream come true of wearing the wedding dress that you’ve designed, staying up all night for a bridal shower, and walking down the aisle to where your lover was waiting. 

When the couple’s first dance ended, the host entered the stage and the program officially began. You could only hope that hours would pass faster. 

---

Two hours into the reception and you can already feel the shots kicking in your system. 

It wasn’t a really good idea downing five straight shots of tequila. At first, you thought it would quell your nerves, make you let loose and be the funnier version of yourself as you stepped to the podium to deliver your congratulatory speech to the couple. 

In retrospect, it looks like the drink did its job as you managed to emit laughter and emotional tears from the crowd as you reminisced on your relationship with the bride, recounting the story of how she fell deeply in love and decided that he was the one. 

But now, hunched in your seat with head on your hands, you were seemingly tipsy and all you could think about was escaping outside for some fresh air. 

So, you did. When the groom’s best man took the stage, you saw this as an opportunity to quietly slip to the balcony. 

Shutting the door behind you with a quiet thud, you eyed the empty balcony and sat towards the nearest bench. The surface was a bit cold as the city was now ushering the season of fall, signaling the arrival of long nights and chilly evenings. You shivered slightly and tucked your coat closer to your body as you stare at the darkness. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been outside until you heard the door open and in came a tall, attractive, and oddly familiar man. His face held a warm smile as you noticed that his gaze was directed towards you. 

“Long day?”   

And it was only until he stepped closer and stood in front of you, the moonlight illuminating his face and accentuating his features, that you realized who he was. 

“Tetsurō?!”   

When was the last time you saw the Kuroo Tetsurō? You racked your brain for your last encounter with him and your memories point to your high school graduation. All of a sudden, you felt small and your surroundings became hot as you stood in front of him. Your former childhood neighbor. Former best friend. Former crush. 

Not that he had any idea about that last item. 

“I thought I saw you earlier before the reception started,” he made himself comfortable on the bench, patting the space beside him to urge you to sit as well. “But it’s been so long since I last saw you so of course I thought I was hallucinating. Then you gave a speech on stage – which by the way, I thought was awesome, you’re still as witty as you were before – and my suspicions were confirmed.” 

You were breathless. Speechless. What were the odds that your reunion with him would be at a wedding? 

“Did Yukie send you the wedding invitation?”  

His laugh echoed in the darkness of the night, “Yeah, she did. It was nice to see familiar faces again.” He stared back at you, “I missed everyone.” I missed you, he wanted to say. 

You hummed in agreement and without realizing, the two of you engaged in a comfortable conversation with Kuroo leading just as he always did. Being charming just as he always was. Telling you stories from the part of the past that you didn’t know. Catching you up with his present where he now works in the sports promotion division of Japan Volleyball Association. 

A small part of you was relieved to know that Kuroo was doing well and successful just as you always hoped he would be. Years of no contact with the boy that stole your heart from day one certainly left you lonely. You wouldn’t say it out loud but he was part of the equation of why you still haven’t tied the knot. It was silly but you always thought that no one could measure up to him. 

Absentmindedly, you started fiddling with your fingers, a habit you’ve formed when you were feeling cold, and Kuroo noticed. And just as he always did back then, he enveloped your hands with his and brought them to his lips to blow warm air on them. 

“That better?” 

Your heart threatened to flutter, “Yeah, thanks.” 

After a long while of silence, Kuroo spoke. “I see there’s still no ring on your fourth finger.” He was now nonchalantly stroking your hands, letting his fingers slip in yours. 

You coughed nervously, averting your eyes from his deep ones. “Well, I haven’t really found anyone.” 

He chuckled, now comfortably holding your one hand and hiding it in his pocket to keep it warm. “Here I was wondering if you were waiting for me.

Because I was.” Oh no, be still my heart, you thought.

Kuroo went on, “Remember that silly pact we made on the night before graduation?” 

Your mind takes you back on that evening when you and Kuroo were sitting on the rooftop, away from the noisy crowds and drunk soon-to-be college students. This was your thing, enjoying the calmness and admiring the stars spread out in the night sky. 

That evening, you and Kuroo talked about the uncertain future that lied ahead. That evening, you bared your soul to him, letting him in on your worries and you fell apart in his comforting presence. He, as always, acted as your anchor, assuring you that he would always be your biggest supporter and that he’d always cheer on you even from afar. 

That evening, with the two of you drunk on the excitement and the many possibilities for the new chapter of life, he brought up a proposal.

“I have a crazy idea.” Kuroo linked his pinkie finger with yours. “If we’re still single and not yet married by the age of 35, I’ll find you and we’ll get married.”  

Swept away in the moment and the thrill of the idea, you agreed and sealed the proposal with a harmless kiss. 

“You still remember that?” You questioned, not expecting him to actually remember that silly pact. Not expecting him to be holding on to that agreement. 

“Sometimes, I wonder where we could be now if I just manned up and asked you out that night instead of pulling that act.” He holds your gaze, careful as he brings a hand to cup your cheek. “I’ve liked you for the longest time. And if you’re still available, if you’ll still have me, I am yours.” 

“But we’re not yet 35, Kuroo,” you teased. He chuckled and playfully shoved you before bringing you in an embrace. 

“I’ve decided years ago. You’re the only one for me,” he pulls away. “I’m sorry it took me a long time.” 

And that night, it wasn’t only your best friend that went home feeling the happiest girl in the world. 

Because there was Kuroo who was ready to make up for lost time and give you a reason to look forward to your trips back home.  

[accio-victuuri]

The GG & Li-Ning & Xianjiang Cotton Situation

I was asked to give my opinion. This is also for other bxgs who may have the same sentiment. You don’t have to agree with me but i hope you respect whatever it is I choose to share here. This is my blog and my space. I maintain this out of my pure enjoyment of the fandom and all the good it has given me. So let me address some of the points.

Li-Ning boasts their use of XinJiang Cotton

My simple answer here is, of course they will. This is not something new. Li-Ning is a celebrated olympic medal winning gymnast. A billionaire. You don’t get to that place in CHN w/out supporting the government’s agenda. In this case, that there is no injustice and persecution going on in Xinjiang. This brand, boasting about China made cotton, in their terms, shows patriotism and support for their country. This brand’s literal goal at first was to provide a local brand for Chinese athletes to wear in the Olympics. This is also not the first time that Li-Ning had been called out along w/ other international brands due to questionable ethical practices.

I find it very hard to believe that the timing of GG’s massive Li-Ning ad campaign, coinciding as it has with these Western brand boycotts, was a coincidence.

Let’s get this out of the way. Whether the boycott happened or not, Li-Ning is guaranteed an insane amount of sales because they hired Xiao Zhan. This is the same man who always sells out products in seconds. Who took KXZ to 200% growth and so on. I can talk about stats all day but this massive campaign for him is a no brainer. GG is expensive and a guaranteed success. Any brand who hires him will be stupid to not launch an all out campaign across all cities. Li-Ning knows what they are doing by hiring him. For years, they have been trying to appeal to Gen Z. Especially now that youth in CHN are more and more into the “guochao” (国潮) - National trend. Integrating traditional chinese culture and fashion w/ domestic brands. This ties in with the whole movement of erasing the connotation that made in china is of inferior quality. GG was a good choice. He appeals to the younger generation (19-25) and the working class ( 26 and up ) who buys goods. I would imagine even GG’s team did their research and knows this trend is going on too. This will not be the last you will see of this type of endorsement from him or Web. The rumors on this collaboration was going around as early as, March 15 I think? I was literally asking another bxg if GG’s ad will be pushed back a day or two because of what was happening. or what will this all implies. He was always gonna come out and endorse this brand boycott or not.

I am not removing the possibility that these local brands have a hand in the boycott. It’s a very valid concern. or that, it was a convenient perfect storm for them. A perfect storm of EU, US & CAN sanctioning CHN. The sudden attack on brands’ statements against Xinjiang cotton from a year ago. The whole agenda of controlling the people’s view on what is happening. All of these are connected. sure. There are many things behind the scenes that we will not know but we can make an educated guess of. Li-Ning is not the only domestic brand that had a positive push because of this.

On 3/25 Li-Ning’s stock closed with a high of 10.74% , plus an added 9% on the 26th when GG was announced as ambassador. The same thing happened with Anta and others.

I find it very hard to stomach seeing Li-Ning ads on my dash, regardless of GG’s presence in them. Without condemning him for taking this endorsement deal, and without judging what he is or is not personally aware

I will just be addressing GG’s alleged part in all this. I say that cause we don’t live in his brain and won’t know what he’s thinking. You can all try and project your values on him but he is a whole person of his own. I have hopefully given some view on why GG accepted to endorse this brand in the previous point. GG has spent most if not all, of his life in China. He has repeatedly said that he was brought up traditionally. Tho his father was very encouraging in him participating in the arts and widening his knowledge. He had Foreign professors at CBTU. He is part of the generation that knows what’s going on outside by using the internet. He’s smart. I would guess that he is aware of the country he is living in vs what it’s like outside of it. But at the end of the day, his loyalty will always be with his country. I hate to break it to you all but he will continue to live and thrive as an Actor even without international support. Tho it is great that he is a source of National Pride with how people outside of China love him.

Now, about his support for Xianjiang Cotton. I wanna start by showing this:

It’s a post from People’s Daily wb which boasts all the c-ent top stars that voiced their support of XJ cotton. The sense is, hey people look at your idols supporting the cause. Look at their Patriotism. What do you think will happen if GG was not on this list? Knowing that he is a top star in CHN. Knowing he was just in hot waters post 22*? Knowing that he is actively being endorsed in CCTV which is a National Channel. Are we still surprised that he posted that support? I was just honestly waiting for him to post if anything. I talked before about how C-ent celebrities are expected ( and actually it’s in their law ) to be more morally upright than the lay people. This is prime example of that.

Another one is this from CCTV Wb. I’m including this for you all to have an understanding of how this whole thing is being played out in CHN. This is the type of online narrative that is going around and I would think GG is seeing. The sentiment is,

“No matter what hardships, ups and downs and blows go through in our country, her people will always come from all directions and stand up to speak justice and do just things.”

It’s also showing all the hot searches that is related in support of XJ cotton and defending CHN’s innocence.

Also this video that was heavily circulated showing mechanized picking of cotton vs the allegations of manual.

This is the kind of narrative that is going around, as expected. I don’t really fault GG or condemn him for doing what is best for him. What is the best for an individual does not always mean it’s the best for all. In talks like this, I always try and put myself in their position. I mean, who the hell are these people trying to attack my country? the country that has provided for me. I wanna say I understand where they are coming from but understanding does not mean agreeing. I see these A LOT. ALOT ON WEIBO. The China vs. Everyone story. It’s the notion of, they are attacking us and we must protect the country. Also keep in mind that news is heavily regulated.

You know what type of news the CCP would love for them to get a hold of? The rising attacks on Asians in the US. Oh boy they would fuckin love that! Making America the big/bad asian-hating boogeyman in the eyes of their people yet again.

Okay, now we’re down to the final part of this. Why do I share the promo pics for Li-Ning. Where do i draw the line.

To me it’s simple. It had GG in it. I was waiting for this to come out, and tbh, would you all even know about this brand’s practices if the boycott didn’t happen? No. This is a bjyx blog where i share things about them. That includes ad, dramas, pictures and videos. I understand if people don’t feel comfortable w/ Li-Ning ads and others, so just don’t like those posts. Did I buy anything from the collection? No. Did I buy multiple copies Web’s single Youth in Times ( like i do with his other singles )? No. That’s where I draw the line in this. I know we’re all gonna be put on a tight spot again once Faith Makes Great comes out. Once I saw that leaked pic, Ooohhh! I just know. Also if BAH adds some propaganda about CHN’s war on drugs. I am just waiting. I am ready. I know what my values are. I will not allow other people to dictate who I am. I know what type of content I’m only gonna be sharing.

I see this very forceful air of asking bxgs to take a stand on this ( always bxg, never the other side. always us of course even if we are the minority) and it really puts me off. I read someone say that they will not say anything because they don’t owe strangers on the internet an explanation. Which is true. I have separate spaces that I share my views on world/local issues. Accounts that show my actual name and around people I know in real life. That’s what I choose to do for myself. I started this blog for myself and i still find it very bizarre that people follow this account. I am not some sort of KOL, let’s get that straight. This is just a blog where I talk about things if i want to and SCREAM about GG and Web too much. I will probably not answer any follow up questions on this cause i feel like I have addressed a good chunk of it.

Just know that whatever I post on here in support of GG and his projects does not equate to my entire political/moral stand regarding this event or any. It’s really good that we have conversations like this cause it’s an important one.

Whew! That was a long post! 😅

[bigskydreaming]

Tom is already rehashing some things, like too many homages to the nineties run, Zucco's daughter plot point, Beatrice had ideas for societal reform he's taking that and giving it to Dick. It'll probably be half hearted, but it stings that Beatrice left just a few issues ago and she's already completely forgotten for the sake of DickBabs or a love triangle.

Like the thing about the nineties runs is I mean, as much flack as we give various elements of them, there’s so much from that time period that was good? Great, even! Just....myself and the writers seem to have very different opinions on what the most interesting elements of the nineties comics were, oh well.

And omgggggg I’m still so mad about Bea, and its literally Shawn Tsang all over again. The writers keep introducing new, interesting characters, investing just enough time and focus into them to have us interested in them and wanting to see more.....and then they toss them aside to go back to drawing from the same well as always.

And the thing is, this isn’t even about me not really being a Dick/Babs shipper, because honestly, I’m not enjoying the Dick/Kory stuff in what I’ve seen of Titans Academy either, and for the exact same reason:

When they create new characters like Shawn and Bea, they KNOW they’re starting from scratch and need to build interest in those characters from the ground up. So they’re forced to put their best foot forward. There’s no short cut there, if you want people to care about a brand new character you have to give them REASONS to care. You have to make those characters likable, you have to make people WANT to root for them, you have to hook them with intriguing backstories that don’t feel formulaic and new angles that don’t feel just derivative of older characters, and that’s how we got stuff like Shawn’s history as a former sidekick to a villain and now running a support group for rogues trying to turn their lives around, and Bea’s work in societal reform.

But then the second they stop having the patience to build the new characters up enough that the interest in them can actually start to reach the levels that lets older characters last and grants longevity....they just toss them aside and move on....except they never really move on, just backwards. Because the problem with so MANY superhero couples, far from just Dick and Babs or Dick and Kory, is just....how lazy it seems to make so many canon writers. They just fall back on rehashing the same old tropes and just updating popular moments that resonated with fans in the past, now just recreated with a slightly more modern twist but without ever really being anything new. 

Even with ships that I’ve never really been sold on in the past like Dick/Babs, I’ve always said, there’s usually nothing stopping me from GAINING interest in them.....its just....the writers have to GIVE ME A REASON TO. And so many of DC’s writers just aren’t even trying. They’re just moving parts around and pushing characters together in various arrangements like everyone’s just a puzzle piece that you can mix and match however you want......and then just basically expecting readers to be interested purely because of who the characters are, or because it hinges on a nice moment that they then milk the hell out of without ever expanding that into building actual STORY around these moments but rather just squeezing each one til they get everything they possibly can out of it and moving on to the next as though its all just about chasing the next soundbite...because it is! LOL.

And honestly, this problem extends far beyond just the Nightwing title or the Batfam or Taylor’s run or writing in particular.....its a company wide issue right now. In fact I would bet just about anything that its a matter of editorial edict, that even before Taylor started his run DC said okay here’s the approach we want everyone taking with their stories right now:

And that’s like.....its all about banking on nostalgia and the comfort of the familiar right now. I think Taylor is drawing all these elements straight from the 90s Nightwing comics, like Blockbuster and Dick having been a cop, etc, because these are the elements of past Nightwing stories that are so well known. Its the same reasoning behind why they put Tim back as Robin and so many of their new characters are just new spins on old faves like Punchline and Harley Quinn, and why they’re pushing all these older ships that haven’t been together in ages and why specific team lineups are reappearing....its because nostalgia is the name of the game for DC right now, and all their writers are just pulling together threads of classic stories that have stood the test of time, figuring anything that landed particularly well with fans in the past will sell with people here and now, and weaving these threads together and brushing over them with a modern social issues veneer. 

As an approach, its basically all just about repackaging previously successful story moments and elements with just enough changes or in just new enough a configuration that readers aren’t likely to complain en masse that like “hey we literally already read all this. We’ve already BOUGHT these issues. When we were kids.” Its minimizing creative risk while maximizing monetary profit. Spend as little creative capital as possible outside of anything that’s already been successful in the past and as such is a relatively proven quantity, instead of testing new material that’s an unknown and runs the risk of falling flat and thus not being profitable.

And see, I’d almost guarantee that all THAT, that whole line-wide approach to DC’s storytelling, is because the powers that be looked at the last several years of stories and how many of THEM fell flat with readers, and decided that the problem was they’d BEEN trying too much new stuff and readers just didn’t like it. Because they WERE concentrating on presenting totally new stories and building up new ideas throughout their books.....but readers have been pretty vocal for years now about being disenchanted with most of DC’s major stories. And so DC I think looked at that and came to the conclusion that okay, people just don’t want new right now, they want the familiar.

But like.....DC’s problem IMO was never that they were trying new stuff? The reason so much of their new and original storylines weren’t gaining traction or bringing in readers and kept shedding old readers had absolutely NOTHING to do with them being new and previously unseen storylines, which makes falling back on nostalgia very much a non-solution to entirely the wrong problem.

No, DC’s problem for years has been that they’ve been all about spectacle instead of story. There’s ZERO emotional pay-off to any of their biggest plot twists or character beats, and emotion is LITERALLY what people read stories for. Its all about racing to the climactic action packed finish of every storyline and then immediately resetting everyone back to square one and jumping straight into the next big story, without ever giving the events of any of their stories time or reason to MATTER to the characters.....and if they don’t matter to the characters, our proxies that we’re viewing these stories through, then why should any of it matter to us? Why should any of it linger, dig in roots, resonate with us as moments that left an impact and that we accordingly want more of?

And again, like because I’m a Dick Grayson focused blog I’ve obviously largely been focused on how much I dislike the SPECIFIC reactions or non-reactions to so many of the major beats in his stories.....but it was spread throughout their entire line.

Bruce and Selina almost got married....but why should anyone care outside of Tom King’s title when nobody else seems to, no other characters feel anything about this, and Bruce in none of his other appearances seems the same as ever without any reminder that he just almost got married but then didn’t.....and if the characters don’t ever seem to be affected by or feeling a need to revisit or reflect on recent stories, why should we bother remembering them either? 

Jason was dramatically and fucked-upily (yes its a word, I totally looked it up and everything) exiled from Gotham....and then all of that is undone in a single issue with one low-stakes awkward conversation between him and Bruce. Damian quits as Robin and goes off the map and everyone in his family is like “hey don’t we have a littler brother, I feel like we did maybe” for one panel per story arc, and that’s it. Roy’s back from the dead and everybody’s like oh hey cool instead of the kind of return we used to get like when Donna came back and everyone was like oh shit, this MATTERS, because we MISSED you....just like Dick’s death never mattered to anyone but fans of his character because much like I was just saying earlier with them not really giving me a reason TO emotionally invest in Dick and Babs’ relationship if I wasn’t already, same thing with the aftermath of Forever Evil. They didn’t give anyone else reason to emotionally invest in that as something that HAPPENED to Dick and that he was AFFECTED by....because the writers didn’t bother writing him as all that affected by it and it was just like oh he’s a spy now, all that was last year’s content, we’ve moved on, keep up.

And on and on it goes. Ric Grayson was the same problem all over again. Rinse and repeat down the line with everyone from Wally to Donna and etc etc etc.

THAT’S why DC’s stories have been falling flat. It has nothing to do with people not being interested in new ideas, characters or directions, its that’s ALL they were giving us, but it was like just reading wiki summaries of events just alongside pretty art, but no real emotional weight or substance to anything we were reading....and thus, literally nothing that we couldn’t get much the same outcome from if we just...stuck to reading wiki summaries after the stories were over, with no real need to follow along with them. For years most fans have basically just been about keeping up to date with changes in the characters’ lives, but without feeling any real need to watch those changes unfold and play out.

And so honestly I worry we’re just gonna be subjected to a company wide rehashing of old and familiar storylines, directions and character beats, but repackaged and delivered in the exact same way DC was delivering us their new stories and ideas these past years....and its basically going to have the same results, because its the same problem. They didn’t actually fix anything by switching gears, they just shuffled around the actual issue.

And DC’s just gonna be like well now wtf are we doing wrong, we were so sure this would work, everyone LOVES nostalgia right? Did we pick the wrong stories and character beats to bring back?

When really its like......it honestly doesn’t matter WHICH stories and beats they rehash, because its not about them picking the ‘right ones,’ the real keepers, the stories that everyone really WAS eager to see brought back or made new again.....

Its about like, the only reason any of those stories or beats or dynamics stood the test of time and are still familiar and well-known....is because the stories AROUND those moments and ideas gave us reason to emotionally invest in them and retain them as crucial to our view of the characters and things that would resonate and stay with us for a long time.

It was never that any of those ideas or stories were just so innately brilliant that they couldn’t help BUT linger in the overall reader consciousness...it was the fact that we CARED about what happened in those moments and stories.

*Shrugs* But I mean hey, what do I know? I’m just a dude on the internet lolol. 

[illneverrecover]

swear not by the moon (M) | jhs & pjm

➛pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader x Park Jimin ➛genre: werewolf!AU, hybrid!AU, slight ABO dynamics (mostly Alpha, tbh), PWP, smut, fluff, a pinch of angst. ➛word count: 6987 (she thicc) ➛rating: M ➛warnings: ~werewolf kinks~, power play dynamics, slight dom/sub (mostly Alpha being in control, but you get the gist), oral (female receiving), dirty talk, marking/biting, brief mentions of blood, cum play, fingering, rough sex, copious amounts of cum, slight degradation (in the form of the word ‘bitch’ because, ya know, werewolves), doggy style (see before reasoning), over-sensitivity, knotting, cock warming, hints of polyamory. ➛summary: Tonight is the night you are consummating your mate bond with your Alpha - if you can prove first to his Beta that you are worthy to do so. ➛notes: OOF. I’ve been itching to do a werewolf piece ever since I had to cancel my @ksmutclub​ submission last Halloween, and my love @jimins-ass-eater​ rolled through with the win! After showing her my original outline, she commissioned for me to finish this fic like the angel she is. This one was originally just a porn without plot, but I tried to rework some more story in while still focusing on the filth, and that’s just the way Suzu likes it. Thank you so much for your support bb and I hope you like this! 🖤 ➛song: Swear Not by the Moon - GOT7 & Teeth (Nightcore version) - 5SOS

Tonight is the night you officially mate to your lover, and you’re shaking like a leaf.

The scarlet dress you chose was short silk, slinky lines grazing the tops of your legs and see through chiffon long sleeves that settle in the middle of your palm. You didn’t even realize that the fabric was that long until this moment, when the delicate cloth was being tested by the tight press of your nails into your fist.

The night air nipped at the bare skin of your thighs, the wind causing you to shiver as you approached the Alpha’s house. Being half werewolf meant that the blood that ran through your veins left you almost feverish, so a jacket had seemed pointless - but clearly, you had overestimated your nerves.

Raising your hand to the door, you only get a single rap in before it swings open, the boxy smile of Taehyung awaiting you on the other side. He was one of the Alpha’s closest advisers and ‘brothers’, one of your dear friends - though you were surprised to see him.

“They’re ready for you upstairs,” he nods, gesturing towards the hall leading to the second floor. You eye him, wondering if he was going to wait around. You know it’s customary for those important to the Alpha to witness the ceremony, but anxiety had your heart thudding painfully in your chest at the thought.

As if sensing your discomfort, he gives you another wolfish grin. “Don’t worry, princess. I’m not staying. The two of them can testify just fine without me.” 

He gives you a slight bow before turning and exiting the home, leaving you in the foyer by yourself to gain courage and climb the stairs.

There was no reason to be this nervous, you told yourself. It’s Hoseok - your Alpha, your mate - who’s waiting for you up there, ready to officially consummate your mating and declare it to the pack, the world. You’ve known Hoseok since you were both young, your human mother being very close with Hoseok’s own purebred mom, making you instant friends. Days were spent running around the compound with Hoseok and his best friend, Jimin, the three of you counting down the months until your 16th birthday when you would go through your first full shift together into wolf form and find your role. You had been an inseparable trio, there for each milestone, for every shift, from confirming that Hoseok was an Alpha, to finding out he was the next pack leader.

You shouldn’t be scared.

And yet your legs shake as you take each step, the excess adrenaline rushing through your bloodstream triggering your wolf senses to activate. You could sense them, their scent intermingling and comforting you, reminding you that there was nothing to be worried about. You knew them, loved them, would do anything for them.

Gaining resolve, you knock twice on the frame, straightening your back and forcing a deep breath in through your nose-

“Hi, beautiful,” a soft voice greets you, a shaky smile on his face. One hand reaches out, palm up. “Are you ready for this?”

Releasing the breath, you grin back, nodding once before placing your hand in his. Your nerves are soothed the minute you feel his skin against yours, and as his thumb rubs against the top of your hand, bravery fills your lungs. 

“Yes, Beta. I am ready to prove myself worthy of the Alpha.” 

You hear Jimin’s growl of approval first, his hand slipping out of yours to pull something out of his back pocket - a thick midnight strip of silk; a blindfold. Eyeing him, you see his deep blue hair styled out of his face, as if he had run his hands through it incessantly, and his cheeks tinted pink - with lust or anxiety, you aren’t sure. 

He moves behind you, exposing your Alpha for the first time, Hoseok’s body folded in the large crushed velvet chair directly across from the bed. His crimson hair was styled in a side part, sweeping back to expose his forehead and give you an unobstructed view of the spun gold of his eyes. He appraises you, gaze dragging from the crown of your head down the exposed skin of your legs, and though he doesn’t speak, you can see the enthusiastic consent shining in his eyes, in the low rumble of his growl.

And then your sight is taken, the blindfold placed over your eyes, secured with a knot at the back of your head before you feel a touch at the small of your back. 

You’re guided into the large room, tentative steps taken with Jimin’s gentle direction as he leads you to stand before the Alpha. Once you are in position he slides away, your senses sharpened when the comfort of his body is no longer close. 

For a moment everything remains still, heavy breathing and the steadily increasing smell of desire the only signs of the two other wolves in the room. Biting your tongue, you fight your instinct to call out to him, to say anything at all, lest you ruin the ceremony.

“Then, my mate,” Hoseok rasps, his voice low and thick with need. “Prove that you are worthy to me. If you are able to take my Beta, then your loyalty and merit to your Alpha will be known to the pack.” 

You knew the words were coming, and yet you gasp, warmth rushing to your cheeks, arousal pooling low in your belly as the implication settles over you.

“Jimin,”

“Yes, Alpha?” 

“Fuck my mate, make sure she is deserving of your Alpha.”

You had always known one of them would be your mate.

It was the only thing that made sense, that explained why you were so drawn to the two boys back in your youth, always being pulled to their sides. Yes, your mothers were all friends, and so time spent together was imminent, but forming bonds between you three had been fate. 

Being a hybrid, you knew how the pack viewed your kind from the time you were born, your parents always reminding you with cautionary tales. Hybrids were looked down upon; the lower end of hierarchy, bottom of the pack. Your father, a pureblood wolf, had found his mate in your mother, a human. While such relationships weren’t forbidden, they were frowned upon, and yet your parents risked it all for the call of their mate, their twin flame.

And while they would never regret their choice, they were worried about what the consequences would mean for you. 

Luckily, once Hoseok and Jimin were in the picture, they didn’t have to worry any longer. They were always by your side, looking out for you, protecting you. Both boys being of pureblood lineage, their families were respected, and by being in their good graces, the same was extended to you - somewhat. It helped that their closest friends within the pack were also so accepting (with perfect pedigrees to boot), the five other boys always around if Hoseok and Jimin were not. Namjoon and Jin were invariably ready to defend your honor at a drop of a hat, Yoongi and Taehyung prepared to console you after a long day. And the youngest of the bunch, Jungkook,  frequently offered to fight anyone you could possibly want him to, often dying for a chance to flex his muscles. They had become a family within the pack of disapproval, and inside the small group you felt like you had a place, a purpose - a home.

It didn’t stop the whispers, the glares you would get the closer you all got to your 16th birthdays, to your first shift as wolves. Hoseok had come from a long line of Alphas, his status basically guaranteed for his first transition, however Jimin was a wildcard. Hybrids weren’t given rank as it wasn’t promised that they would be able to shift at all, and so there was talk about the reputation you would bring them, especially if you didn’t have a wolf.

You’ll never forget the relief that flooded your system during that first shift, the feel of  your bones settling into your wolf and the freedom that your soul felt as you ran alongside your best friends. True to speculation, Hoseok was granted the rank of an Alpha, and Jimin a Beta; the perfect duo. Once you had shifted back into your human skin, you hadn’t been able to stop smiling, your cheeks aching with joy over the success of your friends, over having a wolf.

However, the pack wasn’t nearly as enthused. 

If anything, the rumors and gossip become incessant, whispers following the three of you like a ghost wherever you went. 

‘That Jung boy is an Alpha, he shouldn’t spend so much time with her.’

‘Jimin will likely be his Beta, why doesn’t he say something? He knows it’s not proper.’

‘What if one of them mates with her? What will their parents think?’

They told you to ignore it, of course. Reminded you that times were changing, that old traditions were being disassembled to make way for new ones, that one day it won’t matter what the others think. Jimin was always the first to point out that even if one of them were your mates, that it could be quite some time before the bond even took place; the mating call usually only becoming apparent during a time of high stress or pain. Who knows what will have changed by then? 

 You took solace in the fact that they didn’t seem to care about what others said, that they alongside the other five boys were always ready to reassure you. But it didn’t stop the small, lingering voice in your mind that whispered to you in the dark of night, that slowly dripped poisonous words until they hummed lowly in the background of your thoughts - what if the pack is right? What if you aren’t good enough for them?

That inner voice got louder the day that Hoseok was named next pack Alpha. 

The current pack Alpha was sick, body riddled with a cancer that was only growing, and he had named his successor knowing that his time left was limited, wanting to spend his final days off with his mate instead of settling pack business. He made the announcement nonchalantly, as if he was discussing the weather or other small talk, asking everyone to gather in the center of the compound before calling Hoseok to the front.

You remember how Hoseok had startled at his name, how quickly his heart started racing as he made his way to the dying Alpha, Jimin trailing softly behind him. You remember staring up at him, eyes glossy with pride and fear, nodding reassuringly when he started to recite the pack Alpha creed - and you remember the blinding hot heat of the mate bond suddenly snapping into place.

Hoseok had stiffened, eyes widening as he found your face in the crowd, the red string of fate clearly visible now between you both. Slowly, your scent evolved, undernotes sliding into perfect harmony to match his own, and it was all he could focus on, barely remembering to finish the words cementing his title. True to form, the mating bond had made itself known in a time when the red headed Alpha had needed it most, and it was you - his best friend, his confidant, the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. 

You hadn’t missed the way Jimin reacted; how his brow pinched as if in pain, the way his eyes were swimming in unspoken emotion as he glanced between his Alpha and you. You wanted to call out to him, to explain - as if there was anything to explain - but instead, he gave you a wide grin, stepping forward to then speak the words that would ascertain his place as Hoseok’s Beta.

When the ceremony was complete, Hoseok had stalked towards you with a new softness in his eyes, and all you could think when he wrapped his arms around you for the first time as mates was that you would give him the entire world if he asked - and you didn’t want to let him down.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the pack to find out what had happened, for the unwanted criticism to be hurled in your direction. While Hoseok formed his own counsel made up of his close friends - the boys you had grown with from childhood - as pack Alpha, it didn’t stop the members from the previous court from trying to guide him; encouraging him to deny the mate bond to you and find himself a proper wolf for a male of his stature. He was reminded of all the benefits of a pureblood mating; how powerful his pups would be with another pureblood female, how it would strengthen his claim as pack Alpha, protect everyone from any other nearby packs. And, as if an afterthought, how a pureblood female would be able to handle the official mating ceremony better, wouldn’t let emotions and other unspeakably human traits stop them from performing the tradition.

Hoseok wouldn’t hear it, eyes blazing with a flash of molten gold when he growled back that he had found his mate, and there would be no further discussion on the matter - that the next wolf that dared to insult his mate like that again better be ready to fight, or be prepared to leave. 

But their opposing arguments echoed in your mind for days.

Your sweet Alpha was always there to talk you through it, explaining that the mating ritual was centuries old but not necessary, that if you weren’t comfortable with it he’d abolish it immediately. He never wanted to make you do anything you didn’t want, that he knew and could feel your love and loyalty to him and didn’t need a silly ‘test’ to prove it.

And just when you would start to acquiesce, you’d see another sneer, hear another dirty insult about your hybrid status, and you felt your resolve firm.

You would go through with this ceremony to prove that you belonged by Hoseok’s side. You would prove to the entire pack that you were worthy, that hybrids were deserving and stronger then history would have them believe. That you could do this, that you were to be respected - as was your Alpha. 

And with your declaration, the ritual had been planned for the next full moon.

“Is this okay?”

Jimin’s voice is as soft and tentative as his fingertips grazing your arm, the delicate way his free hand moves to cup your shoulder. You wonder what his face looks like, what’s hiding beneath his stoic and gentle eyes, but instead you just nod.

With a slight push, he begins to walk you backwards towards where you remembered the large bed was placed in the room, directly under the expansive skylight that was currently framing the moon’s bright glow. You swore you could feel the nerves in his touch, in the way he sucks air between his teeth, and you curse that you can’t just rip off the blindfold and console him - even while part of you knows that would make things worse.

Stopping only when the backs of your thighs hit the resistance of the mattress, you reach out to cling to him, pulling him closer to you. Desire is mounting, a slow dull ache beginning to make itself apparent between your thighs, and you just want him to do something, anything-

“Your sight has been taken, leaving you to the devices of your Alpha and his Beta, to prove that your loyalty lies with your mate,” Jimin murmurs, lips dancing around the curve of your ear and leaving you shivering. “With your senses dulled, do you trust your Alpha? Believe that he will make the right choices to protect you and honor the pack?”

It’s a question, you know, but the way Jimin speaks it makes it sound like a fact, a declaration - that they will never hurt you, that you can always rely on them, if you so choose. 

“Yes,” you claim, voice steady for likely the first time all evening. “I trust my Alpha. I trust you both.”

Jimin’s breath hitches in surprise, not expecting your last words, but you could feel his lips grinning against the shell of your ear. 

“Thank you, princess.” He places a chaste kiss at your pulse point, before moving away from your frame once more.

“Your mate has confirmed her stance, Alpha. If you accept this, the blindfold can be removed at this time.” 

Heart thudding in your chest, you await Hoseok’s response, no doubt in your mind that he’ll agree to move forward with the ritual, but unable to stop the voice lingering in the recess of your mind whispering that you aren’t good enough - never good enough, not for him.

As if he could sense your worry, you suddenly feel Hoseok’s presence in front of you, his scent becoming stronger as he reaches out to tuck an errant strand of hair behind your ear. “Yes, I accept her vow, now and always,” he assures, thumb tugging at your lip briefly before his hand moves to untangle the knot holding the blindfold in place.

Blinking, you let your eyes adjust to the room, pupils blown wide at the sight before you. Jimin is flushed, his hand continuously coming up to brush his navy hair away from his face as his gaze turns fierce, eyes flashing to the icy blue color of his wolf. Next to him, Hoseok is every bit the Alpha - tall, broad, imposing without having to lift a finger.  A dangerous smirk is on his face, and you swallow thickly thinking about what comes next. 

Wordlessly, Jimin moves forward, cautious when he reaches out to put his arms around your waist. His eyes are searching, imploring you for assurance that he isn’t upsetting you, and when you give him a quick nod, he rests his forehead against yours. 

You stay like that for a breath, two, before he leans in, pressing his pillowy lips against yours. The kiss is modest at first, easy brushes of his pliant mouth against yours, but when he feels your tongue sweeping out to taste him, he pulls back with a gasp. 

“Are- are you okay? Are you sure this is okay?” he cups your face, fear etched into his brow. “Because if it’s not okay, we can stop, Hoseok understands-”

Rushing forward, you silence him with another kiss, your tongue successfully finding purchase in his mouth, swirling against his own before you pull back. 

“Jimin, it’s okay. I’m okay. Do whatever you need to,” determination shines in your gaze, and you refuse to drop the eye contact until you’re sure he understands. “Do whatever you want to.”

A growl tears through his throat, and gone is the timid man you’ve grown up with, who was scared to touch you - and in his place is a wicked creature, dripping in lust and confidence. His  hands immediately sink into your hair to tug at the roots, his mouth moving against yours voraciously, hungrily. He kisses like a man starved, licking and biting at tender flesh until you’re whining, head rolling to the side to bare your throat. 

He nuzzles down the expanse of your neck, trying desperately not to scent you, even if every instinct he’s ever known is roaring at him to do the opposite. You smell so sweet, so exquisite, and he feels the sharp point of his canine drag along your vein as his mouth waters.

“Fuck, I wish I could mark you, just once,” he rasps, nipping and dragging his tongue against the base of your throat. “You would look so pretty with my mark right here…”

“No marking, Jimin.” 

Hoseok’s voice was like ice water in your veins, and your eyes snap open as Jimin bites at your collarbone lightly, playfully. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to. I’ll be good.” 

He pulls away then, raising a brow at your wanton state, impish grin erasing any signs of shyness that were lingering. Palms slide down the front of your dress until they reach the hem, pausing only to change direction once they meet the softness of your thighs to pull it over your head. He stares at you while he reaches for your panties, ripping them off of you with a flick of his wrist before he throws them over his shoulder. 

Jimin steps into your inseam, moving closer until you drop to the bed, sitting up with the ravenous werewolf standing between your legs. His hand slides to your jaw, turning you to look at him. “But you don’t want me to, do you, princess?”

Forgetting to breathe, your arousal builds rapidly at the predatory tone in his voice, at the lecherous way he stares at your heaving breasts. 

“You don’t want me to be good, to behave,” he purrs, climbing over your waist as he pins you to the mattress. “You want me to do whatever I want, want me to claim you, too. It’s why you agreed to this ceremony, isn’t it?” Dropping his head, he noses the line of your neck, trailing until he’s down between your cleavage. “You wanted to do this because you wanted me, too - right Princess?”

Moaning, you writhe against him, gasping when you feel the hard line of his cock tempestuously close to your center. He sits up long enough to rip your bra from you, kissing his descent down your body until he’s lodged between your thighs, glistening cunt on full display.

You wait for him to say something else, tease you more, but instead he presses his face into your heat, inhaling deeply before his tongue is sliding languidly through your folds. 

“Fuck, Jimin,” you cry, a hand fisting in his indigo locks. His mouth is vicious as it moves against you, flicking and suckling until you are practically sobbing, clit pulsating with lack of friction. No matter how much you tug on his hair, how hard you grind his face against you, he continues his leisurely pace, lapping at you like he has all the time in the world.

“Jimin, please,” you beg, body buzzing with pleasure. Your high was so close, just on the tip of his tongue, and your patience was waning. “Please just make me come, I wanna come.”

Humming against you, he looks up then, icy eyes barely visible over the line of your cunt. “You taste so fucking sweet, Princess. So good, I can’t get enough.” Pausing, he leans closer to your engorged bundle of nerves, pulling it in between plush lips, enjoying the way your body violently contorts. “I could spend all night between your thighs.”

Whining at his words, you paw at him to no avail, body still suffering under the torture his ruthless mouth is causing. Flopping back in frustration, you form a plan in your mind, fingers finding purchase in his tangled tresses to give a few experimental yanks.

Bracing yourself, you pull the wolf up by his hair, using your often ignored strength as a hybrid to your advantage. He detaches from you with a grunt, flipping to his back easily as you exploit his shock to climb on top of him, peering down at him with a grin.

“And I said I wanna come,” you croon, hands reaching between your bodies to yank at the fabric still covering him until it was in tatters. Thrilled satisfaction is a heady cocktail coursing through your veins, making you feel lightheaded as you took in the awestruck wolf below you. With no barriers, you could feel his firm shaft buried between your lower lips, and you rock forward, gliding until your clit nudged his swollen cockhead.   “Are you going to make me come?”

A growl of assent rips through the room, your Alpha’s pride beaming at how you managed to pin his Beta and take control. His pleased sounds just make you feel more drunk with power, and you lean forward to curl a hand around Jimin’s pearly  throat, hips rolling until his length catches on your entrance. 

Jimin lets you push down against him, hands gripping the flesh of your hips to steady you as you impale yourself down on his dick. The lithe hand around his neck squeezes once before slipping to his chest, your head falling forward as you feel every inch of him seated inside of you, pelvis resting flat on his own.

He can feel your cunt fluttering around him, adjusting to the sensation of intrusion. Your bottom lip is trapped painfully between your teeth, eyes closed to the pleasure, and Jimin gasps at the sight. He allows himself a breath, two, to fully drink in this image of you on top of him, full of him - knowing it wasn’t one he would be seeing again. 

Still grasping at your waist, he begins to thrust upwards brusquely, smirking to himself when you immediately cry out a choked version of his name. He likes that - his wolf likes that, needs you to do again. Digging his nails into your side, he pulls you until your body lays flush against his own, breasts trapped against the hard lines of his chest - before bending his knees to drive his cock into you with more force. 

“I’ll make you come, little bitch,” he hisses, pace not faltering. You whine at the nickname - a common one within the wolf community, but one the Beta had never used to address you, until now. His hands trace down and around your hips, grabbing the globes of your ass forcefully. “But you’re going to say my name when you do.”

He’s dragging your pelvis against his own, grinding you against him as he continues to plunge you on his cock, the combination of his ministrations hurdling you towards your impending orgasm. It’s delicious the way the friction lights your nerves on fire, the way he reaches the tender spot of your walls just enough to have your mouth watering, and you find yourself giving him exactly what he wants. 

“Jimin!” you moan, voice pitching as the edges of your vision became blinding white. A satisfied growl rumbles through his chest, his lips suddenly tangling against yours. 

“That’s it,” he murmurs, sweat beading on his forehead as he bounces you on his length relentlessly. “Come for me,”

Another cry of his name tears through your throat, your high cresting into an explosion of burning stars, your cunt contracting around him as if to pull him in deeper. Jimin continues his torture, crushing you against him with delicious friction to draw out the pleasure until you were practically hiccuping against him, boneless. 

“Fuck, that was so hot,” he whines, his cock throbbing with every pulse of your pussy as you milk him through your orgasm, his thrusts becoming frenzied and desperate. He can feel you dripping down his length, your arousal coating him, the scent overpowering the room and driving his wolf to the brink - and abruptly he’s releasing inside you without warning, mouth latching onto your neck as he spills his seed, teeth careful to not puncture the skin.

Sucking in air, you remain collapsed on top of Jimin, mind still hazy from your climax. It’s only when you feel a brush against your brow that you peel your eyes open, see the towering Alpha before you.

Ah, yes. This wasn’t over. 

“You did so good, Princess,” Hoseok coos, smiling down at you as he loops an arm around your naked form to pull you from the Beta. Gingerly, he lays you on the bed adjacent to Jimin, climbing to kneel next to you. 

“And you too, Jimin.” he looks over to the man beside you, pride raging in his gaze. “Thank you for making sure she was worthy of your Alpha. Thank you for treating her so well.” 

Jimin seems to get choked up then, eyes brimming with emotion, but he smiles and gives Hoseok a nod. “Of course, Alpha.” 

He sits up, pausing to await further instruction, but when Hoseok moves to lean over you, Jimin coughs, awkwardly scanning the room. 

“I… I should go. Let me just grab my clothes and then I’ll wait downstairs-”

“No.” Hoseok’s voice is stern, the command evident in his tone. “No, you will stay - in this room, and on this bed.”

You raise a brow then, matching Jimin’s confusion as you peel your eyes open to stare up at the wolf, waiting for him to proceed. 

“We are a pack together. All of us at the compound, all 8 of my counsel - my brothers, of course - but most especially, the three of us.” His eyes flick from you to the Beta, making sure you were both listening before he continues. “It’s always been the three of us. Regardless of status, of mates, of whatever is thrown our way. That isn’t ever going to change.” 

Heart thrumming in your chest, joy takes flight under your skin at his words, at the new declaration he was affirming. It was the three of you against the world, and now it always would be. 

Jimin chuckles in delight, elation shining in his ice blue eyes as he sits back onto the bed, moving to prop himself up near the headboard. “Yes, Alpha,” he resolves, wry grin tugging at his lips as he nods towards you. “Well, don’t let me keep you.” 

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that.”

Hoseok’s returning snicker has chills racing down your spine, the wolf inside instantly recognizing the power of the Alpha kneeling before you. His eyes glow gold under heavy lids as he begins to undress slowly, pink tongue darting out to wet his lips as he devours you with a gaze. 

His bare chest is tanned, sinewy muscles rippling as he unbuttons his pants, freeing his thick length to bob against his toned stomach. His cock is just as beautiful as he is, girthy and long, a perfect tapered tip, and you wish that you had a moment to lavish it with your tongue, to taste him fully. Every inch of him is lethal, calm ferocity, overflowing in authority, and you can feel the gush of your arousal mixed with Jimin’s seed smearing against the tops of your thighs as you wait for him to claim you. 

Towering over you, Hoseok drops his head to nuzzle at your cheek, turning your head until he can bury himself in the crook of your neck. “So beautiful,” he whispers, lips insatiable against heated skin. “My mate is so beautiful, so perfect.”

There’s tenderness in his voice, controlled carnal lust veiled thinly in the intensity of his love, and you soften at his touch. “You’re perfect, Hoseok. My Alpha.” 

A throaty purr rumbles in his chest as he trails his tongue against your flesh, following the line until he can capture your mouth with his own. The kiss is searing, white hot electric as your tongues intermingle, teeth dragging against swollen lips. His hand travels down your body, nail tracing a thin path until he’s at your sopping cunt.

“Such a messy girl, hmm? Jimin gave you so much of his come, and this is what you do with it?” He clicks his tongue in mock disapproval, fingers sliding in the sloppy mess only to then press inside of you. 

Jolting at the sensation, you whine as he continues to scoop up the viscous liquid before shoving it inside your aching center, body raw and smoldering with each intrusion. When he deems the job complete, he plops his fingers in his mouth, sucking them clean.

“I’m going to fuck it all out of you, princess,” the grin he gives is shameless, causing blood to rush to your cheeks. “I’m going to fuck it all out of you and then fill you up again, until you’re dripping with nothing but me.”

The digits that were in his mouth are now tapping against yours, lips parting to allow him to press against the bed of your tongue. His eyes darken as he watches, a satisfied hum low in his throat. “Do you understand?” 

Nodding, you mumble the words around his fingers, voice thick with need. “Yes, Alpha. I want to be filled with you, want you to ruin me.” 

Just like with the Beta before, you see a bright flash in Hoseok’s topaz gaze before the wolf in him seems to take over, a feral smirk curling his mouth. A famished low growl is your last warning until strong hands are flipping your body, placing you on your stomach before pulling your hips up, presenting your bare center to him. 

His palm reigns down on your ass cheek, blossoming the skin pink, retching a cry from your throat. “Jimin, help hold her in place for me, hmm? I don’t want my perfect little bitch going anywhere.” 

Arousal floods you at his words, and you clench tightly in a poor attempt to keep from leaking all over the tops of your thighs. Wordlessly, you tilt your head up and meet Jimin’s gaze just as he gives you a lecherous smile, hands moving to pull yours to lay in front of your head, wrists pinned by his grasp.

With your head and chest down and ass up, you were exquisitely offered to the Alpha, and the subservience alone has you trembling with anticipation. You can feel Hoseok move to kneel behind you, the scalding heat of his skin so close to yours, large palms kneading and yanking at the flesh of your hips.

The desire to have him inside of you is driving you mad, your body writhing to feel any inch of him. He chuckles at the scene, appeasing you with lazy strokes of his thick length up and down your soaked slit. Mewling, you move to reach behind you, wanting to force him to plunge into your walls, but a quick squeeze of Jimin’s hand reminds you of his presence. 

The Beta clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “So impatient. You’re completely helpless but so desperate for our Alpha, aren’t you?”

Hoseok drags his cock until it barely catches on your entrance, making you drop your head with an embarrassed whine. 

“Good,” he murmurs, rolling his hips so that he slowly sheaths himself in your warmth. “I hope you are ready for me, because once I start, I won’t be able to stop.” 

Unable to take the torture a moment longer, you sway your hips back, sinking onto his length fully with a cry of his name. The tension of your arms being stretched out slowly ebbs into pleasure, your back bowing to ensure every delicious inch of him is now buried inside of you.

“Don’t stop, Alpha.”

Your words seem to be a trigger, and the wolf behind you growls out a rasp of your name before he slides out - only to slam so hard into you that your teeth rattle. 

The pace he sets is punishing, skin slapping on skin as he pistons in and out of you with otherworldly strength. Deep groans harmonize with your high pitched whines, your head turning to the side to gasp for air as you take him fully with each thrust. You understand now why he had Jimin pin your arms - holding you in place as you thrash forward with every assault of Hoseok’s pelvis. 

The Alpha’s hands abandon your hips to press into the mattress on either side of your head, body looming over you. His mouth falls to your neck, biting and sucking marks until they’re blooming in a dark red violet, making your toes curl. Hoseok alternates between marking you and praising you, pressing words of affirmation into each bruise he indulges.

“You feel so good, so fucking wet and tight, all for me,” he croaks against your skin, mouth spit slick and raw. “All for me, my perfect princess, my mate, my mate-”

A high pitched keen rips from his chest, and you feel his canines drag against the thin flesh of your throat as his hips pick up momentum, pounding into your center. You know what’s coming, and you feel the band in your belly tighten at the thought, your cunt throbbing in time to your pulse. 

A hand that was holding himself up moves to grasp at your breast, tugging and twisting the nipple until you sob, hurtling you towards your climax.

“Claim me, Hoseok,” you whisper, turning your head to give him better access. “Mark me as your mate.” 

A sharp howl echoes through the room, your wolf cantering with a needy plea as you bare your throat to the Alpha, giving yourself up to him. Even the Beta answers the cry, your wrists forgotten as he shows allegiance to his leader, tilting his head to expose his neck.

It’s then you feel Hoseok’s teeth puncture your skin, his mouth latching right to the curve of where the column of your throat flows into your shoulder. The hand previously pawing your breast is now at the base of your neck, holding you tightly as he suckles at the wound, drinking deeply from your life’s blood. 

Crisp pain bubbles into mindless pleasure, the mate bond now fully snapping into place as he continues to fuck into you, propelling you to your end. With his mouth working at your neck and cock pounding into you, you’re unable to hold back any longer - letting out a piercing cry of his name as you’re thrown headfirst over the edge. 

The orgasm is intense, blinding, your body convulsing as waves of euphoria crash over you. It seems like hours pass before the high wanes, leaving you dizzy and your mouth dry. Hoseok isn’t faring much better, muttering nonsense as he works you through it, your cunt squeezing him with every ripple until he’s groaning out a warning.

“I’m gonna come, f-fuck,”  he grits his teeth, nuzzling against your cheek. “Gonna knot you.”

The sensation of him swelling inside of you has your eyes widening, body flinching with oversensitivity. “Hoseok, I can’t - I don’t think I can take-”

“Shh, you can take it, I know you can,” he coos, his hand slipping to rub at your engorged clit, causing you to cry out. “My mate, my good girl,”

His mouth finds your mate mark, licking and nibbling it when his hips start to stutter against you, his choked moans ringing in your ear. You feel his release coat your walls, followed by an increase in pressure that’s minor at first, but rapidly increases. Wiggling, you try to move away, but he holds you to him, sweeping the hair out of your face. “You’re doing so well, taking it so well. It’s almost over.”

Just as you plead that you cannot possibly take any more, the swelling stops, trapping him deep within your core. You feel so full, almost uncomfortably so, but your body seems to adjust quickly, a flushed heat smoldering in your gut at the ache. Hoseok presses a lingering kiss on your mark before shifting you so that you’re both on your sides, him cradling your back with an arm slung low on your waist.

To your surprise, he even beckons Jimin over, who immediately comes to lay facing you, hand reaching to clasp your own, sincere smile creasing his eyes. Your chest tightens with affection, heart ballooning as you lie between your two wolves, basking in the love they’ve shown you, bathing under the pale light of the full moon. 

It takes about a quarter of an hour for the knot to deflate, Hoseok wincing when he finally slides his softened cock out from inside of you. The satiety you had felt remained, even as some of his seed begins to dribble from your spent center, and to your delight your mate refuses to allow you to clean it up, instead resuming your previous cuddling positions.

With your body nuzzled warmly between the Alpha and Beta, your lids grow heavy with fatigue, idle chat of the men lulling you into a light sleep. You can hear them whispering, talking lowly over your snoozing form, but can’t bring yourself to focus on the words.

“So, does your earlier declaration mean this could happen again?” Jimin smirks, smugness evident in his tone despite the question.  

Hoseok hums. “Maybe. Who knows? I’ll never say never, though ultimately it’s up to her.”

“Well, we might want to keep that between the three of us, then. I can practically hear Jungkook’s indignant cries about fairness if he finds out.”

The redhead barks out a laugh at that, his chest vibrating against your back. “Good point. The pup did always have a bit of a crush on her,” he trails off, hand reaching to clap against Jimin’s shoulder. “But he isn’t the only one.”

Silence envelops the room then, breaths and heartbeats the only white noise calling for you to give into the siren song of sleep. Blinking, you force your eyes open to peer up at Jimin, wanting to say something, anything to reassure him - but the Alpha beats you to it.

“It’s okay, Jimin. I know. I know she knows, too - and we both love you. Mate bond or not, it will always be the three of us.”

You can’t see Hoseok’s face, but you can hear the sincerity in his voice, the genuine love in his words. However, you can see Jimin’s expression, and your pulse races at the smile you find there, the mirrored adoration shining in his eyes as he stares at the Alpha before dropping his gaze to yours. 

“I know.” His hand reaches out, thumb smoothing the angle of your jaw, giving you a knowing look before he glances back at Hoseok. 

 “It will always be the three of us, no matter what.”

[liibrii]

Chapter 3: In the light, your name

Ojiro Aran x fem!reader

Series Masterpost || Ch. 1 || Ch. 2

wc: 4.7k

warnings: time skip spoilers, swearing, internalised guilt and shame, intrusive thoughts, self doubt, drinking.

a/n: this only took forever cause I got carried away (what a surprise). if you wanna be tagged in future chapters lemme know, and as always feedback is greatly appreciated! 

A step forward, two steps back. Like a dance, just like his mother taught him, dancing and laughing back home, only this dance holds no joy, only cruel turns and twirls and your hand slipping from his as fate whisks you away.

“One Ace special coming up!“ Osamu places a plate of freshly made onigiris in front of Aran. They look amazing, as if taken directly out of one of those fancy cooking books. The practice had been especially gruelling that day and yet Aran has no appetite. All he wants is to go home and sleep. He would have, if Gao hadn't dragged him to the newly opened Tokyo branch of Onigiri Miya.

More out of politeness than really being hungry he takes a bite. It's good, much better than ones he remembers Osamu bringing to practice. “Woah, this is tasty!“

Osamu practically beams at Aran's praise. Even he has changed, notices Aran. Has he grown a little? The grey of his hair is gone, and he smiles so much more. Aran doesn't remember ever seeing him so talkative.

Has everyone changed so much while he wasn't paying attention?

While chewing he pulls phone from his bag, in some silly hope there'd be a message from you. But the screen is empty and seeing his screensaver is almost a mocking to his hopes. What else did he expect? People don't always mean what they say, but a storm doesn't mean to blow away roofs either.

Lost in his thoughts Aran barely takes notice when Gao says his goodbye and other customers slowly start leaving.

Osamu closes the shop then places two more cans of beer on the counter. Without much enthusiasm Aran opens the can and pours the fizzling liquid into a glass. Which drink was it, third? Fourth? For a moment he considers telling Osamu everything. About you, how he feels and how he screwed up. Just to get it out there. But Aran knows Osamu talks to Atsumu, and Atsumu never learned what keeping a secret means. So he blames his sour mood on practice.

 Even if Aran was a good liar Osamu'd see through his little ticks. They've been the same ever since elementary school and so obvious; the nervous scratching of his nails, rubbing of his neck. Ever since he'd grown a beard he added rubbing it to the list.

“I should probably get goin',“ says Aran before downing half the glass in one long gulp.

“What's a few more minutes?“ Osamu doesn't bother pouring his beer. “I'll clean up later. Don't have any other plans anyway.“

A low chuckle leaves Aran's lips. “Life goin' that good, yeah?”

“Could say that. Could be far worse. How about ya?“

Aran massages his temples. He's getting light headed and still he takes another long sip. “Like ya said, could be far worse. Had a rough couple weeks. Women, ya know?“

Osamu hums and nods, wisely. “Women. Got dumped, did ya?“

“In a way...“

“What happened, did ya forget her birthday or somethin'?“

Aran laughs. Oh no, he knows exactly when your birthday is. “Said somethin' stupid.“

“Just somethin'? If she gets upset so fast then maybe she's trouble.“

“Wasn't like that. She trusted me and I... had a bad day and took it out on her.“

Osamu takes an onigiri Aran hasn't touched yet. “Have ya apologised?“ He asks with his mouth full. “Should start with that,“ he continues after Aran shakes his head, “treat her to dinner. I know some good restaurants if ya want. Or better, cook somethin' yerself.“ He opens the browser on his phone. “What's her favorite food?“

Aran tells him. “Whichever recipe ya find I can tell ya right now I can't cook it.“

“I found a few even Tsumu can make,“ laughs Osamu still scrolling through his phone. “What's she like? More into fancy stuff or more homey? Fried rice's easy but not very fancy, more of a safe bet. Maybe with an omelette. I can show ya how to make it to look like a panda. Success guaranteed!“

“How can omelette look like a panda? It's yellow.“ 

“A yellow bear then,“ Osamu shruggs before putting away his phone. “Does she like bears?“

“Does- I ain't sure...“

“Ya don't know?“

“No! Why would I? Is that what ya ask folk ya take on dates?“

“Usually I ask what they think about apple curry.“

“I don't think she likes apple curry... Or maybe she does...“ He gloomily stares at the empty glass in front of him. “Gimme one more.“

Osamu obliges and pours him one more, deciding this is the last one for him. Aran's eyes are getting glassy and he dreamily observes the white foam before downing half the glass.

“We went down to the Kamakura beach,” he says, scratching at his immaculate fingernails. “She looked s' pretty in the sunset... She likes sunsets... I think. Ain't sure 'bout anythin' these days.“

“Everyone likes sunsets,“ nods Osamu. “Never trust people who don't like seein' sunsets. I'm tellin' ya, buy her some udon. Or bring her here, I'll give ya a special discount.“

Aran bursts into laughter. “He'll know then...“ Osamu leans his head to the side, wondering what his old teammate meant by that. “She's ex of a friend.“

“Ow,“ is all Osamu says. That explains everything. You don't date a friends' ex. “Sorry. She sounds great.“

“Yeah, yeah she is... Kinda almost like a whasit's called again, kotatsu? Warm...“ He's just blabbering now, his mind a hazy labyrinth of disconnected thoughts. He misses you, he misses you so bad, and he fucked up, and he doubts cooking you a dinner would repair the damage he's done. Once it would be pretty easy to bribe you with the right snacks but you've changed. You've changed so much he still fears he doesn't know you at all. “Hey Samu? Hav' I changed?“

“Yea? I doubt the old Aran-kun wouldda come to me for advice.“

Corners of Aran's lips perk up. Why is his glass empty? “Yer a good guy ‘Samu. Can ya call me a taxi? I've got practice t'morrow.“

He has to stop visiting Onigiri Miya on the evenings Aran thinks on another morning after drinking and talking with Osamu till late night hours. The cool breeze of the early morning hours is refreshing but isn't doing anything to ease the hammering in his head. Sky without a cloud promises the day to be sunny and hot. Aran's just glad he found his sunglasses ad that the gym has air conditioning.

There's a distant ringing in his ears. Ringing that doesn't stop and causes other people on the train to send him sideway looks. It's because his phone is ringing but he's too focused on trying not to throw up to notice. He only does so once he's walking the short walk from the train station to the gym. Seeing your name over the 'missed call' almost makes him drop the phone. He calls you back, frantically tapping his fingers on his arm, hoping you'll pick up. You don't.

The sun is too bright. Pouring rain would be more appropriate to his mood. Aran's glad he can hide from the warm rays inside the gym. No matter his mood volleyball always takes his mind off things, and even now he hopes it will help him see things more clearly. The thought of you has become a wind chime, singing at every little thing that makes him think of you. Staying focused on the ball in front of him is harder than expected. But first and foremost he's a professional volleyball player with a new season just around the corner. He can't let his team, his fans down. Since your first year of high school you've been his supporter too. He can't let you down.

When his phone rings again he’s in the middle of receiving drills and this call too goes unanswered. Instead your message waits for him.

           (9. 45) Aran are u free this Sunday? the shrine down the street is holding a festival. wanna come?  

A wide smile spreads over his face. He's more than happy to come he writes back, his smile spreading even wider when only a few moments later you text him place and time.

“Ojiro what are you looking at?“ Gao peers over his shoulder and Aran quickly puts his phone away.

“Nothin'“

“Nothing, ey? Does the nothing have a name?“

Aran rolls his eyes and heads for the showers, ignoring the teasing laughter of his teammates. Honestly, he's too excited to see you to care.

Aran glances on his phone to check the time. Five more minutes and he'll be only ten minutes early. He kicks the small stone form the pavement onto the road. Then he straightens his shirt. Maybe this colour wasn't the right choice after all, maybe you would've liked the red one better. Once in passing Akagi said red looked good on him. He sends you a short message, letting you know he's already here.

Minutes later he catches the sight of your figure manoeuvring between visitors flocking towards the many stands. “Sorry, I got worried all the best mochi'd sell out,“ you apologise, pointing to plate full of different kinds of mochi in your hand. “Samu isn't here yet?“

“No.“ His heart clenches. He didn't even think about the possibility of you inviting anyone else. “He's probably just late,“ he quickly adds, “let me call him.“

“Always late,“ you complain, “tell him I got his mochi but if he doesn't appear soon I'll just eat them myself. Want one?“

He declines the sweet and you shrug. While he waits for Osamu to pick up he avoids looking at you. The call goes unanswered. “I'll send him a message.“

“Tell him every minute he's late is a free onigiri,“ you mumble, your mouth full of delicious mochi. “And he's paying for drinks. I saw a stand with soya smoothies up the street. And a stand with takoyaki.“

“Have ya mapped out all the food stands?“ chuckles Aran.

“Well you know Samu, food is his best motivator. You sure you don't want one?“

He gives in and takes the matcha one. He watches with a fond smile as you stuff an entire mochi in your mouth.

“What?“ you mumble when you catch him staring.

“Ya look like a hamster.“

You roll your eyes in an effort to cover the smile creeping on your face. “Very funny. How's life?“

“It's fine,“ he nods, awkwardly.

“Good.“

“Yeah.“ He rubs his chin. The beard is getting a little long. He glances over at you. He should say something. But what? “I'm really sorry about what I said,“ he finally utters. “I do care. About you.“

“We all say things we don't mean, right?“ The soft look in your eyes makes his throat tighten. He hurt you and yet here you are. Reaching out, again. “It's all water under the bridge. Besides, I really missed hanging out with you. So, where do ya wanna go?“

“Shouldn't we wait for Osamu?“

“Nah. It's his fault for being late, he'll find us. And he better buy us those smoothies. Want one more mochi? You should really try the chocolate one, it's amazing.“

Never again. Aran doesn't want to see you hurt ever again.

The festival is crowded, which is to be expected in Tokyo, and he keeps an eye out for you. The last thing he wants is to lose you somewhere in the sea of people. He stays close, quietly delighting in seeing your excitement over different attractions of the festival. A few times your hand brushes against his, sending a shiver down his spine.

Osamu never shows up, messaging about an hour later he got stuck at work, promising you both as many onigiri as you'd like the next time you come around Onigiri Miya. “A shame. I was hoping to hang out with him while he's still in Tokyo.“

“He'll have time in the future,“ says Aran, doing his best to ignore the pang of jealousy in his chest.

“Probably. But will there be fresh soya smoothie for him to treat me to?“

Aran buys you the smoothie you so crave, grinning upon seeing your excitement. You walk around the festival grounds and from time to time he steals sips of your smoothie. You pout and nag he should buy one for himself but don't stop him. 

As night falls you search for a good place to watch the fireworks from. Just after they start Aran puts his hand on the small of your back to gently push you forward so you'd see better. But you don't budge and he bumps into you, his chest to your back. The sounds of festival fade, as if the crowd disappeared and all that remains is you, looking at him, fireworks reflecting in your eyes. The softness of your gaze causes his heart to do somersaults. You snicker and flick his nose.

Tease, he thinks and tickles you. He wishes he could properly put his arms around you and rest his head on your shoulder. He wishes he was here as more than just your friend. He wishes he alone would be enough of a reason for you to always have the same soft look in your eyes.

But if Kita, the perfect Kita Shinsuke, Kita who knew you better than anyone wasn't enough, how could he be?

His hand lingers on your arm for a heartbeat longer. He could try, he could always love you with all he has and hope you'd love him back, hope he could be enough. But if he failed... he'd only hurt you more, wouldn't he? And you've been hurt enough.

During lunch break his phone rings and his hearts jumps, hoping it's you. But instead Osamu's name is written over the screen. A bit disappointed Aran picks up.

“Aran-kun whatcha doin' this Saturday?“ Not even a'hello'. So many years and still so rude.

“Practice till afternoon, then watchin' a movie.“

“Amazin'! Want some company?“

A boys' night out? Why not? It would be nice to spend some time with someone who wasn't his teammate. “'Course.“

Osamu laughs. “Knew ya would. I happen to know someone interested in a blind date. I'll tell her to meet ya at the cinema.“

“What? Osamu I'm not really one for blind dates-“

“The ex of a friend. She's Kita-san' ex, isn't she?“ Aran's silence is an answer enough. “Ya asked me for advice. This is it, go out, try meetin' someone else. Whatever you want to have with her it won't end well.“

Aran knows. He knows all that. He knows you returning his feelings would be the worst case scenario. Sooner or later he'd have to tell Kita. “I know,“ he says. “I know that.“

Osamu doesn't answer immediately, waiting if Aran will add anything else. “Just go on this one date, see how it goes.“

“I'll think about it.“

He does think about it. The entire day in fact. Meeting someone new would be nice and who knows, she might be the one he's waiting for. A part of him, the guilty part that's been way too loud in the past weeks, stays firmly against the idea. Searching for the right one when you're right here. What if this blind date is just a crazy fan who somehow found her way to meeting him? And what about you, it asks? It would be cruel wouldn't it, leading you on while going on dates behind your back.

But he isn't leading you on, Aran argues with the voice inside his head, you're just a friend anyway. He cares about you yes, but only as a really good friend. Osamu is right, you should never be more than that. You're Kita's ex. And you don't date your friend's ex. So why break his heart further?

           (17.48) I'll go on the date. send me time and place.

That's the thing about making plans, the moment you make them something else comes up. Just the following day his phone rings, making his heart flutter when he sees your name.

“Hey.“ Your voice alone makes him smile. “I, uhm, I have a request.“

No beating around the bush. It makes Aran wonder if you've been hanging with Osamu so much you picked up his habits. “Oh, do ya?“

“Yeah. It’s is a bit awkward... Listen, I have a very important exam next week but my roommate's gonna have her boyfriend over for the entire weekend. Let's just say earplugs aren't helping and leave it at that, yeah? So, could I maybe crash at your place till then? I just need a quiet place to study. I can sleep on the couch! Or the floor, I really don't care!“

“'Course ya can,“ says Aran without hesitation.

This is how we finds himself sitting with a bunch of your notes in his lap, you leaning on his back explaining one of the questions. There are at least 4 empty mugs on the desk of his living room. He hopes you've left some coffee for breakfast.

He's amazed by how naturally you fit into his life. Almost like the space beside his shoes in the closet was meant for yours and the jacket hanging beside his was always meant to be there. You've even found your favourite mug already. The bedroll on the floor of the living room is the only reminder you're only crashing at his place for a couple of days. If you asked he'd let you stay longer.

The next morning you wake up the same time as him, sipping your first cup of coffee for the day, half asleep and draped in the hoodie he strategically left on the counter last night. You don't even raise a brow when he takes your phone and asks you to unlock it. “I'll send ya a playlist. Just some classical music. It's good for studyin'.“

“Sure,“ you answer in a groggy voice. “Have fun bouncing the ball around,“ you wave him off when he gets ready to leave.

Your sleepy face makes him smile for the rest of the day. Practice runs longer than usual and he returns late, stepping over two stairs at the time. The lights are still on when he enters but there's no answer when he calls out. He finds you behind the desk, so absorbed in your notes you don't notice his approach. When he places his hands on your shoulders you jump and shriek. “Aran!“ You remove your headphones. “Do you want to give me a heart attack?!“ He laughs and you smack his leg before he sits on the floor beside you.

“Is the material so interestin'?“ He looks over your many notes and pushes an empty mug to the edge of the table.

“I was listening to music,“ you rub your eyes. He notices they look a bit reddish. He takes your phone and clicks the play button and music continues. It only takes him a moment to recognise the piece.

“Dmitri Shostakovich, Waltz number 2. My mom's favourite. Used to dance to it with dad every Thursday.“

“That's sweet.“

He stands up and offers you his hand. “Come, ya need a break.“

You take his hand without question, only raising your brow when he places his left hand on your back. “Ya have to put your hand on my shoulder,“ he grins to your more than apparent confusion.

“Oh, right,“ you mumble. “I can't really dance you know. Not waltz at least.“

He gently holds your right hand in his and gives you a reassuring squeeze. “Don't worry, I'll teach ya. I start with my right foot forward, ya step back with yer left, yep, just like that, then my left foot forward,“ you jump in surprise when he turns you around, “and the first turn, now yer right foot forward, then left, and turn. See, it ain't hard.“

“Easy for you to say,“ you disagree, your eyes fixed on his feet and your mind preoccupied with trying not to step on his toes.

“Just follow my lead,“ grins Aran, gently pulling you a little closer.

He counts the steps and beats in his head and step after another you relax and follow his lead. All those Thursdays when dad wasn't home and mom pulled him into taking his place are finally paying off.

“I didn't know you could dance so well.“

Aran laughs at your words and gently pushes you into a twirl under his arm. “I guess there's a lot ya don't know,“ he says when he pulls you closer again. 

You follow his steps and soon begin catch on the slightest of his moves. Music changes but you don't let go so you dance on through his living room, off beat and saying quiet 'Sorry's,' every time you step on his toes. The way your brows furrow when you mess up is adorable but Aran doesn't give you the time to ponder over the mistake, pulling you into the next turn with ease and certainty of someone who has danced these steps countless times.

When the last song ends Aran leaves his hand on your back. You're so close, your hand in his. Looking and smiling at him. His eyes linger on your lips. It would take so little to close the space between you. So little that would change so much.

He pulls away.“ Do ya want tea?“

“Don't I always?“ you muse and head to put the water on, then open the cupboard but the last cups stand on the highest shelf and even on your tiptoes you can't reach them. Aran gently pushes you to the side and reaches for them. “Here.“

He pours himself a glass of water then pulls his phone out to check the time. Shit. The blind date. That's today! He glances over at you, making your tea, humming the melody of the last song you danced too. His heart drops.

What is he doing? He can't... This is getting out of control. He clenches the glass tighter. You're so close, he wouldn't even have to fully extend his arm to tap your shoulder. If, right here and now, he told you how he feels, how would you react? He lifts the glass to his lips. Probably not in the way he wants you to. A leap of faith, one that could take him anywhere. To the love of his life, he thinks watching you stir, or to the stone to shatter the friendship you both tried so hard to rebuild. A risk he doesn't have the courage to take.

The half empty glass he leaves in the sink draws your attention. You watch Aran head for the bedroom and you don't think much of it. It's his apartment, he can do what he wants. It's only when almost ten minutes pass that you decide to poke your head through the door to see what he's up to. The clothes he's wearing certainly aren't what one would wear for staying at home. “Going somewhere?“ you ask, curious as to why he's wearing a pretty alright polka dotted shirt.

“I have a date.“ He awkwardly fixes his collar. He doesn't want to meet your eyes.

There's a short silence before you answer. “A date? In this shirt?“

Your judgemental tone makes him turn. “What's wrong with this shirt?”

You scrunch up your nose. “It gives you that,“ you wiggle your fingers, “successful businessman in his forties looking for a wife vibes.“

“What's wrong with that?“

“What's wrong with-?! Aran! You're a professional athlete!“ You enter his bedroom and start looking through the closet. “Don't you get invited to fashion shows and stuff? One would expect you'd get some fashion sense purely through osmosis. Ouch!“ you yelp when he playfully smacks your shoulder. “Here, this one.“ You hand him a shirt of dark violet colour.

He takes it from your hands and inspects it. Then he hands it back. “I like this one better. And I'm runnin' late already anyway.“

You shrug and hang it back. “As you wish Mr. CEO. Wait, are you bringing your date back here?! Shit, I need to clean up my stuff.“

“Relax. I'm not bringin' anyone back. It's a blind date anyway. Ya keep studyin' alright? I'll be very disappointed if ya don't get the highest mark.“

“What do you mean a blind date? Damn, I didn't expect that from you player boy,“ you tease and it's a distraction enough for Aran to miss the forced smile.

“Osamu's idea.“

A small “Ah,“ is all you reply at first. “Get going then, being late is the worst you can be on the first date!“ You push him out of the room. “Have fun, don't say anything stupid, and don't only talk about volleyball.“

“It's not my first date y/n, gosh, stop bein' such a mom. Why are ya so excited anyway?“

“Probably too much caffeine.“

When he returns you're still up. You have two cups of tea ready before he even takes his shoes off.

“So, how was it?“ You push the cup across the table. “Come on, come on, no need to be shy,“ you grin, “tell me!“

Aran rolls his eyes at your sudden excitement. “It was nice, but nothin’ special,“ he tells you.

“Just nice?“ You tap your fingers on the table. Aran recognises the rhythm, it's one of your favourite songs. You sent it to him a few days ago. “Dating must be harder now that you're famous,“ you say, absent-mindedly. “Or is it easier?“

Before answering he takes a cracker from the bowl on the table. “Harder,“ is the answer he settles on. “Ya never know if they're attracted to ya or yer status. What about ya?“ He focuses on chewing crackers and taking small sips of tea, anything to keep from glancing at you.

“Ah you know,“ you sigh, “have enough other problems at the moment. College is messing with my head enough already. Why put another person in the mix?“ This time Aran doesn't miss how your voice trembles, and how you rub your forehead. Maybe you just have a light headache. You do look exhausted.

He changes the subject, feeling the talk of dating is quickly approaching dangerous territory. “How are ya feelin'? With studyin' and all?“

You lean on your hand. “Could be much worse. It's just a lot. Probably should have started with studying earlier.“

“But with work ya didn't even have enough time, right? Don't be too hard on yerself.“

“Actually, I quit. I thought it would help me focus on studying,“ you say upon seeing his questioning gaze.

“Ya know what will help ya study better? Some good night's sleep.“ He takes your empty cup. “I'll do the dishes, ya go ready for bed. No talkin' back,“ he points his finger to your face, “ my house, my rules. No stayin' up past midnight.“

“It's one in the morning.“

“Past time for ya to go to bed then young lady.“

After that you don't protest and before he even finishes doing the dishes you're snuggled on your bedroll and half asleep. Seeing you fills him with warmth. He could get used to this, coming home to you every night. He turns the lights off.

When he lays in his bed he wonders what's with the sinking feeling in his chest. There's anger. Why were you so excited for his date in the first place? Why did you look almost disappointed when he said it was nothing special? He hugs his pillow, thinking he'd much rather it was you in his arms. You must be soft. If only you'd be here, his nose filled with the scent of your shampoo. Teeth of shame sink in his heart. Why does he have to feel like this?

He wants you to be jealous. It's so damn childish, he knows that. It's something his teenager self felt when you hugged Kita after a game but only gave him a high five and a head pat.

How long is he going to keep lying to himself? He's in love with you. Not the you he remembers. You here and now. You sipping your fourth cup of coffee, you frantically flipping through notes wearing one of his old hoodies. That at least hasn't changed; you still steal any hoodie you can get your grabby little hands on. Not steal, he corrects himself, borrow. You borrow them. For an undetermined period of time.

He buries his face in the pillow. You're not the always cheerful manager he remembers anymore. But you are still you.

Tag list: @aonenthusiast @rosecaffelatte @kara-grayson04

[politicaltheatre]

Depraved Indifference

"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK? It's, like, incredible."

- Donald Trump, at a campaign stop at Dordt College, Sioux Center, Iowa, January 23, 2016

This quote didn’t find its way into the second impeachment trial of the now-former President, but it should have. In a better world it would have, but in that better world a man such Donald Trump would not ever have been elected to any office, let alone one as powerful as president. And yet, somehow he was.

Donald Trump is no longer president, something his defenders, standing before the Senate and sitting among the trial’s jury, have taken great pains to try to focus our attention on.

Note how they talk about the importance of “moving on” and getting over it, thereby distancing us and, far more importantly, themselves from what was done.

Note how they try to frame the charge against Trump - “inciting violence against the government of the United States” - as merely “partisan” and “political”, something devoid of any legal justification or standing, as if the crimes were not witnessed by billions around the world in real time.

Note how, when faced with having to face the morally depraved actions they either encouraged or enabled in Trump and those who followed him, and having to defend their own complicity in the indefensible result, they turn to not even a little bit thinly veiled threats against those daring to accuse. Any retribution, they do declare, any continuation of violence against Trump’s declared enemies, that will be on you.

This has all the subtlety and predictability of a trial in the Jim Crow South, and, given the number of Confederate flags waving inside the Capitol on January 6th, that really isn’t too strong a comparison.

Trump, as anyone anywhere in the world even casually paying attention should know, is entirely guilty of inciting that riot. He spent years cultivating doubt in the electoral system, months casting doubt on the 2020 mail-in voting results, and, finally, weeks spreading blatant lies about voting fraud, ones that he continues to tell to this day.

He did all of this while encouraging and enabling exactly the kind of violence done on his behalf that we all saw on the 6th and, as the House impeachment managers have helpfully shown at length, in the days, weeks, months, and years leading up to it.

“Stand back and stand by”, right? The Proud Boys stuck that on t-shirts.

If the videos the House managers have played have failed to persuade, we tell ourselves, perhaps the evidence of Trump’s Defense and Justice departments undermining the Capitol police and National Guard’s response will. How about a timeline of Trump’s fiddling while the Capitol burned and his own Vice President quite literally ran for his life? No? Really?

You don’t need a lot of time to prepare a case when the defendant has been caught, figuratively, thousands of times in the middle of Fifth Avenue with a smoking gun. Trump’s thumbs offered up hundreds of smoking guns to choose from. Videos of his post-election rallies do, too. The ones he posted that day, hours after the breach, calling the men and women hunting “traitors” of both parties and battering Capitol police with American flags “patriots”, well, that’s a prosecutor’s dream. Or should be.

So, yes, he is guilty. Very, very, very guilty.

Ah, but so are at least three of his jury members: Josh Hawley, James Lankford, and Ted Cruz. They all gave credence to Trump’s lies, they all gave weight to those lies by demanding that the Senate investigate them once more and yet again before confirming the election, and that day they all cynically and repeatedly called for the rejection of President-elect Joe Biden’s victory.  Well, Hawley and Cruz did; Lankford was trying to when he was evacuated.

They were no less guilty of trying to profit from the misplaced and misguided rage of those storming the Senate chamber than Trump, and, if the rioters’ own social media accounts are to be believed, Hawley and Cruz at the very least were no less accountable for them being there. Lankford, it seems, needs to up his social media game.

Those three senators, of course, are not on trial. They are merely jurors charged with deciding the guilt or innocence of Donald Trump for doing what they did themselves. They will be joined in their guaranteed “No” votes by at least 41 other Republican senators who, like them, once again voted to claim that, despite over 200 years of clear legal precedent, this impeachment trial is “unconstitutional”.

It’s no shock that the House managers’ detailed legal history lesson fell on deaf ears, nor is it that those three and other Trump Republicans were caught “reading” during the presentation of evidence. Rand Paul, whose own ridiculous claims about the election and trial have been followed by threats of retaliation, was caught doodling like teen stuck in detention.

This, not anything said by Trump’s crack legal team, is the argument for the defense: they know what Trump did, they know it was wrong, they know what they’re doing, and they know that’s wrong, too. And they do not care. They do not care.

These aren’t stupid people, they’re just dishonest. More specifically, they’re corrupt. What they believe, what they take as a matter of faith, is that they’ll face no real consequences for anything they’re doing or anything they’ve done.

And who’s to tell them they’re wrong? What’s the worse Hawley or Cruz will face? Censure? You can’t shame the shameless. They’ll wear their censures the same way Trump would, as a badge of courage on which they can raise campaign money and, they hope, draw out votes from Trump’s millions of rabidly loyal supporters.

For Hawley, Cruz, and others already campaigning for 2024, that’s all that matters. For them, this is just an opportunity, a means to an end, as they pursue their highly profitable careers in politics. It’s just business. For them, Trump, and every other one in Congress, on TV, and on social media who chose to ignore what people might do if they lied to them and wound them up, and for all of those choosing to ignore the consequences of it now, that’s all this is: just business.

And that’s the problem.

Politics shouldn’t be a business. We know that without even having to be told. When we talk about it, we do so in terms of “service” and “doing one’s duty”, words and phrases that romanticize the selfless nature we want to see in our politics and our politicians. We don’t just do that because that’s how we’ve always heard it spoken of, we do that because we know that the ones who embody that ideal are rare. There’s just too much evidence to deny it.

Go back far as you want, there have been men and women seeking power for the purpose of defending themselves and their friends from accountability. Back in the day, they sought appointments through connections or simply joined the clergy. These days, they run for office.

The political party in this country that currently stands against accountability is the Republican Party. Sure, the Democratic Party has its own sizable share of complicity for allowing the country’s drift into right-wing aggressive selfishness, but, lucky for us, it hasn’t been able to rid itself of its accountable members the way the Republican Party has. Of course, that’s only natural, given the importance of accountability to the political Left.

The last two Republican presidents were elected in no small part because they had a background in business. Yes, they each ran their businesses into the ground, but they ran them.

George W. Bush came into office as a “corporate” president, one who would, we were assured, delegate to those more experienced and skilled in areas where he was…lacking. We waved away his inadequacies and were somehow shocked when he failed in exactly every one of those areas. Still, he and his friends made money hand over fist, so the corporate presidency was good for business, big business, in particular, which got a big bailout.

Donald Trump should have inspired even less confidence, but confidence man that he is, he played enough suckers to get him in the White House. As much pain, suffering, and death as he has caused in four excruciatingly long years, he and his cronies have made out like gangbusters, too. The government they were hired to manage, not so much.

From the start, he and his cabinet secretaries lived by the old rule, “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission”. Not that they asked for forgiveness. That’s for losers. They broke laws, fleeced taxpayers, and resigned knowing that whatever penalty they might face would pale compared to the profits they took with them.

This is the mentality that drives corporate decision making around the world. For them, the adage is a bit more like, “better to settle a lawsuit than risk profits”. They, too, avoid apologies whenever possible. That keeps the damages paid to to victims and their families lower.

Currently, there are companies selling cars, drugs, baby food, and other products that they know are defective and a threat to the people using them. They know this. They know there’s a high risk that people will die, and they do it anyway. Instead of recognizing the threat and stopping, they do cost-benefit analyses to determine the number of deaths from their products they can afford.

This, it’s worth stating, is not capitalism. We may tell ourselves that it is, but that’s just us looking for an easy answer, a scapegoat for our own failures. In fact, this pattern was just as common under communism, too; just ask anybody who used to live near Chernobyl. Mistakes are hidden, a given number of deaths are accepted, and the perception of success and prestige is maintained.

This is corruption, and deaths and suffering caused by a lack of accountability are what corruption does. A death is a symptom, a great, big red flag, something to tell you that something is very, very, very wrong, but how many of those red flags do we see and ignore before we finally stop to ask what it is we’ve been seeing?

How many smaller red flags, such as poverty, racism, anti-semitism, police brutality, injustice, and sexual abuse, do we pass because we’ve just become so used to seeing them? Do we tell ourselves that there is nothing we can do? Do we even ask if there is anything we can do? Or do we, as so many senators are now preparing to do, instead embrace corruption as a virtue.

This is the real threat, a system that accepts this and holds no one accountable, and a culture that pushes back against demands for accountability, embracing the very worst of who we are and what we can do to others just to prove that we can. The result is a flood of childish acting out and a loss of trust in products and services that we must be able to trust because they are supposed to keep us safe.

Is this as great a threat to our society as the January 6th attack on the Capitol? This is that attack. The product failures that led to the attack were political. We have watched as our political and government institutions have failed. We have watched as those entrusted to deliver a product that works and keeps us safe have, again and again, deliberately or not, betrayed that trust. As with any other product sold, each breach of trust carries over into the next, accumulating and compounding, eroding not just our ability to trust those products but all products like them.

Think of the doubts Americans have about the safety of vaccines? Sure, we can chalk that down to internet conspiracy theories and echo chambers if we like, but would they have gained the traction they have in a world in which we weren’t inundated with ads featuring paid-non-attorney-spokespersons asking us if we or a loved one took this drug or that and had experienced one or more life threatening side effects? How many of us heard about the Covid-19 vaccines and asked, How long before we see the ads for that?

For decades, we have allowed ourselves to become a nation of beta-testers, taking on the cost and burden of quality control that the companies releasing and profiting from these products, and these class action lawsuits have become big business as a result. Every new pharmaceutical product that hits the shelves, part of us is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Time and the success of these vaccines should put an end to that, at least for this pandemic, but that we have to do so should tell us about the work we have to do to repair our society, or to build one that can exist without absolving us from being accountable to each other.

Until then, we have other kinds of corruption to face, including one that may be more destructive than anything we’re seeing in the Senate this week.

The Reddit-GameStop insurrection might have been fun to watch from the sidelines, a bit of schadenfreude for those of us on the outside of Wall Street, looking in, but the truth is the hedge fund villains still made their money, and the systemic fault lines this episode exposed should have us all scared and paying attention.

Our economy is overly concentrated in Wall Street’s product and therefore overly dependent on its success and stability. A loss of faith in its product has been underway for years. That’s how you get to day traders trying to take on hedge funds the way they did. This wasn’t David vs Goliath, this was guerrilla warfare over who gets to make the quick and easy profits.

The upside of that is that some of the “little guys” seem to win something; the downside of that is that it does nothing to fix the problems we have with Wall Street. Rather, it only makes them worse, by highlighting how easy it is to manipulate stocks and commodities and how few get to do it and get away with it.

What happens, then, when no one has any faith left in Wall Street? What happens when everyone believes it is nothing more than a casino designed to take money rather than make it?

Well, we’re almost there. We have a massive, growing online gambling industry, and with it an online gambling problem. Sports leagues, some with their own recent histories of cheaters (and worse) getting away with it, have turned their own fans onto gambling as part of the sport. How many of these people, blowing their money on bad beats, think of it as no different than investing on Wall Street stocks?

A better question: What happens to all of those stock prices when everyone, including the crooks on Wall Street, lose faith in that system, take their profits, and leave? An even better question: What happens if they do that all at once?

The answer is: Lost jobs, pensions, food and housing security, and hope.

In other words, 2020 on steroids. That’s what you get with corruption, an environment in which politicians like Donald Trump, companies willing to harm consumers, and right wing domestic terrorists thrive. As long as they aren’t held accountable, they will.

“Bad for the country”, indeed.

- Daniel Ward

[t-lostinworlds]

All Too Real (Tom Holland)

A/N: Well, this was longer than expected. I’ve had this idea in a while, and it feels great to finally do something about it aha. Also, I’m not going to tag my permanent taglist here since most of the people who are in there are for Shawn. BUT with that being said, tell me if you want to be added to a permanent taglist for Tom fics only or both Tom and Shawn. Am I making sense? Prolly not lmao but yeah. hope you guys enjoy this one!

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Summary: You were meant to be acting, but the scene just hits too close to home that you've managed to say the wrong name, then everything just felt all too real.

Warnings: A bit of Angst and my usual typos

Word Count: 9.7k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

You didn't know who your leading man was until the very last minute, making it impossible to back out now.

Not only that, but you'd be risking a big opportunity if you decided not to take the part, the lead role to be exact. This was a big movie with big, well-known directors and it will guarantee to boost your career to the next level being that you're just starting off as an actress. This was your moment and you weren't going to jeopardize that just because of a personal reason. Plus, contractually, there was no turning back.

The movie was a mixture of crime, action, drama and romance, and it was already a given in the script that you'd be playing across a leading man.

You just had no idea it was going to be him.

Production starts tomorrow and you just found out that you're in a movie with non-other than Mr. Tom Holland himself.

Spider-Man to the world, ex-boyfriend in yours.

It was not public knowledge that you two used to be together. A very impressive thing being that your relationship lasted for about two years, yet not a single word got out. Nobody knew about you two except your closest friends and family, and both of you were happy to keep it that way for as long as you can until you both were ready to share your relationship with the world. But things happened and you didn't get a chance to do so.

You met Tom on the set of Captain America: Civil War. You were just a mere extra at that time as you were still trying to find your footing in the industry. He, on the other hand, had just finished his screen test with Chris Evans as he solely told you.

It was lunch time when this cute boy wearing this, almost a crossover between the Spider-Man costume and pajamas, went up behind you to grab some food.

You two talked for a little bit, asking about what you're doing here and all that jazz, until he charmed his way into asking for your number. And everything just kicked off from there really.

It was blissful while it lasted, the both of you, young and so in love. Nothing but pure happiness and adoration as your relationship took its course and blossomed into this wonderful thing. It was almost like a fairytale how lovely it was. So beautiful to see the joy in the two of you, even with those sweet little moments that you shared. That until the success of his first solo film as Spider-Man.

Him shooting the movie brought no problems at all as you were there to support him through and through. Hell, not even during the press junket where he's always traveling, that didn't cause any strain between your relationship as you've managed to make it work. But once the numbers started rolling in and the attention got bigger, that's where you got left behind.

You were still finding your way as an actress but you didn't seem to get the same amount of support from him as he did from you as time went by. He did at the start of course, he was your number one fan, but once he found his big break, you just got pushed to the side.

Somehow, in some odd way, a switch was flipped. He became distant, almost cold all of the sudden.

It was almost like he became too good for you in a way. Other people made you feel like you were nothing to him, that you weren't on his level and that took its toll on you. But the most hurtful part was that he didn't even bother to reassure you that, that wasn't the case at all.

There was this constant battle in your brain as you tried to reassure your own self with your relationship with him. That this was just nothing, that he was just busy, and that he loves you still. But clubbing out with friends most of the time doesn't really qualify as being busy now does it?

The logical part of you just keeps nagging that it was over. That there was nothing to hold on to, even if you hopefully wished there was something still there, that you can still save this relationship.

But no, it was all gone.

He broke up with you some time later. He said he wanted to enjoy life without worrying about anything, without worrying about you. He wants to enjoy his new found life while being single, in other words.

He was basically saying that you were holding him back, and to be honest? He was probably right. He made you feel that he was right.

The break up wasn't sunshine and butterflies at all. Voices were raised, words were thrown, and everything just burst into flames. When he shut the door and left, everything just turned to ashes, the remains of your heart along with your relationship. It was dark, cold and just painful to the point that you've lost yourself after that.

You took all the blame. All of it.

For months on end you kept telling yourself that if you were just good enough, if you were successful enough, then maybe he wouldn't have left you. You kept beating yourself up for something he has done and that never is healthy, telling yourself that it's your fault when in fact, it wasn't.

It took a lot of will-power to snap out of it, being that you are the most critical about yourself. But you've managed to push through, worked harder than ever before to get yourself out there and to make a name for yourself.

And here you are, about to star as the lead role of a big film.

You are far better than you were a year ago, definitely. But have you fully healed? No.

Distracting is not healing.

You kept yourself busy with your career and it has help you to not ever confront your pain. It was always shoved aside as you paid it no mind. You even avoided anything about him for that matter, in hopes that you wouldn't be reminded of that certain hurt that only he has caused. You've just been running away from it, running away from the demons of your past.

But now, there was nowhere to run.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier Y/N. I just got scared that you might turn the role down if you found out he was going to be in it too and it's just a big opportunity and I can't live with myself if I had let it slipped away from you." Your manager rushed her words on the other side of the call, the concern in her voice clear because she knows. She knows what you went through with Tom.

"No it's okay Jeanne. I understand why you did it and I really thank you for that. Another thing I owe to you." You stated truthfully. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't have had that extra push that you needed to get you where you are today. And you were glad you've found someone who only has her best intentions when it came to you and your career.

"I–uhm, am I shooting scenes with him tomorrow too?" You added as a whisper, despite the fact that you were alone in your hotel room at the moment. Scared that if you'd say it any louder, the pain in your chest would only grow deeper and sharper.

"Yes, he is going to be there tomorrow." She answered, empathy laced in her tone and you can just picture the frown she has on her face.

You bit your bottom lip as you stared up at the ceiling. This is going to be a hard movie to shoot that's for sure. But you're a professional; you can just brush it off like it's nothing. "Okay, yeah, okay. I'll see you tomorrow Jeanne." You breathed out.

"Get some rest hun. You've got this." And with that you ended the call, your whole body flopping down on your bed as you let out a frustrated groan.

The universe truly does have its ways in making you face the person who you have been avoiding—so successfully so far—in order to spare yourself the heartache.

With one last sigh, you pulled the covers over your body, waiting for sleep to take over so that you can have a much needed rest.

It was going to be a long day tomorrow after all.

* * *

Two hours was all you got.

Two hours of sleep as you lay restless in your bed just thinking about all the millions of possibilities on what could happen once you see him again for the first time after a year.

No matter how hard you tried to shut him out of your thoughts, he still managed to invade it even after all this time. The past was haunting you, he was haunting you and it was like you were back to that night again.

You feel so disappointed in yourself as you found your way back to old ways, crying about a boy who doesn't even give a single damn about you.

It took all the courage and strength in your body to leave the bed in the morning. A struggle to say the least until you slapped some sense into yourself and finally made your way to set.

You just arrived in the nick of time. It wouldn't be ideal to arrive late on the first day of shooting as you wanted to let them see that you are a respectful and respectable actress, so managing to be just on time, it was a great start of your day.

Even more so when you felt the hot cup of coffee warming up your fingers as you held it in your hands. The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans enough to boost your energy, especially with so minimal sleep.

There was no sign of him so far, and you were thankful to at least have time to breathe and just relax. No matter how little that time may be, you will definitely take it.

You've already met the Russo brothers who were both sweet and kind, both expressing their excitement to start the project that they've been so amped up to do.

After the casual chats, introductions and greetings, a young lady then guided you to where the trailers are going to be parked. Opting out of her offer to take you right at the door as you solely can manage yourself. But you also wanted some time to take in everything that you've seen so far because it was a big and amazing set, and just to take a moment to ground yourself in a way. Somewhat grasp every bit of alone time as you wouldn't have one until the end of the shoot, which was going to be later in the night.

You were on your way there when you suddenly heard something running after you, the sound of the pebbles rustling about growing nearer and nearer which was then followed by a loud bark. Surely enough when you turned around, you saw the prettiest dog, hurdling towards you with a wide smile on her face. That cute face that you'll always recognize from a mile away.

"Tessa?" You grinned wide as you squatted down to greet her, expecting a subtle encounter but no, she full on jumped on you making you fall flat on your bum. Genuine laughter erupted out of you as you tried to keep yourself sitting upright, all while making sure not to spill your coffee. You were sat cross-legged on rocks now but you didn't care, too preoccupied with the love Tessa was smothering you.

"Hi angel! How are you my love? You good? Healthy? Happy?" You gushed in a small voice, giggling when she covered your face in kisses, you not minding by one bit as you rubbed her belly in return.

You were too engrossed with Tessa that you didn't even notice that someone was already standing there, just watching, not until you heard your name.

"Y/N..."

You didn't have to look up to know who it was.

Having heard your name slip out of those lips countless of times, all on so many different occasions, there was no need for you to see who that voice belonged to.

It wasn't even above a whisper, but you heard it, the sound of longing etched in his voice, that certain tone that you've heard endlessly but only... only whenever he misses you.

And you wanted nothing more than to curse him out because how dare he? How dare he act like he cares when he didn't show any of that—not even in the slightest—that night he left you?

You were already filled with so many emotions and that's only from hearing his voice, you haven't even looked up to fully see him yet.

"Tom." You sighed, giving the back of Tessa's ear one last scratch before standing up fully, patting your jeans clean before gathering up the strength to finally look up at him in the eyes.

The way your heart stopped for a full second and then beat again but with twice the pace, never have you felt that in your life.

You stood frozen as you stared right into them, those brown orbs that once felt like home, but now only brings nothing but pain. And the way he was looking at you so longingly, it only added anger in the mix.

"Hi."

Tom knew he fucked up.

He knows how bad he screwed things up. He was fully aware of how much he's lost and how much of an idiot he is for being the reason of that in the first place.

You were finally standing right in front of him, in the flesh, in all your gorgeous glory, and Tom was at a loss for words.

He was talking to the Russos when Tessa suddenly bolted full speed. Not having familiar with the set yet, Tom was quick to run after her in fear that she might get lost, but he ended up finding her with a sight that was heartwarming yet heartbreaking at the same time.

He heard your laugh first. That familiar and beautiful sound enabling his heart to beat rapidly against his chest, even more so when he saw you sat on the ground with Tessa, nothing but pure joy and love radiating off of his princess, and the love that he once had.

The sight was beautiful, so endearing and it warmed him up inside, but it also reminded him of what it once was.

God he was a fucking idiot.

"Long time no see." Your voice snapped him back to senses, a soft blush coating his cheeks because he doesn't know how long he's been staring at you, but by the gods above you look absolutely breathtaking. Even in just casual jeans and a sweater.

"Yeah, it's great to finally see you again. You look beautiful." Tom breathed out, the last sentence escaping his mouth before he could even stop himself.

Tom might have been acting like such a creep but he just feels so happy to see you again. You probably wouldn't even believe him if he told you, not after what he's done, and he can't blame you. But he does, he truly does feel so happy.

"Thanks." You mumbled as you flashed him a smile. Whether it was genuine, Tom wasn't sure, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"How are you?" He asked just as he took a step towards you, but you were quick to take one step back and this made a frown form on his lips. The way you looked away and avoided his gaze, it stung, but Tom also can't say he didn't deserve it.

"I'm good, but uh, I need to get ready so uh—"

"Yes! Yes, of course, don't let me hold you off." Tom chuckled coyly, hand coming up to rub his shoulder, and just like that, the awkwardness in the air only heightened from there. Because after everything that has happened, Tom wasn't sure where he stands in your life anymore. Whether it be a civil friend or just a cast mate at this point.

When the Russos pitched him the idea, it was a no-brainer, Tom wanted to do the project right off the bat. But when he found out who the star of the movie was going to be? Nothing but pure excitement and much pride filled him up to the bones.

He has seen most, if not, all of the movies you've been in. Visiting your social media every now and then to see what you've been up to. It may sound stalker-ish in a sense but it's the only way for him to keep up with how you've been doing. And to see you grow and be the star that you were always meant to be? It was a beautiful thing for sure.

It might not have been as beautiful as experiencing it with you first hand, since he ruined that chance by a long shot, it was still heartwarming to witness—even if it was only via screen.

"Yeah, see you on set." You mumbled, giving him a curt nod before turning your attention back on the dog who was just sitting there, observing, tail on an all-time wag once she's seen that you've finally given her your attention again.

"I'm so happy to see you again angel." You whispered as you crouched back down to give Tessa a sweet kiss on the head, and Tom's heart completely melted at that.

You were there when Tom got Tessa.

He hasn't said it out loud nor broadcasted it in any way, but you became Tessa's mommy in the duration of your relationship. You took care of her while he was away on press or shoots, and he will forever be grateful for that.

Tessa was your baby as much as she is Tom's, and it now just dawned on him that he took her away from you. And Tom felt even more of an asshole than he already was.

You shot him one last look before you turned on your heel, not ever once looking back as you walked towards what Tom would only assume was your trailer.

Tessa was about to follow you but Tom was quick to grab her collar, squatting down to hold her fully to keep her in place because she was for sure putting up a fight. "No Tessa, you stay with me."

The poor pup whined once you were out of sight, looking up at Tom with those eyes emitting a soft sigh out of him. He nodded his head solemnly, giving Tessa's head a soft pat as his eyes slowly landed back on the closed door of your trailer.

"I know love, I missed her so much too."

* * *

Tom was watching from afar, he just couldn't help himself, but he doesn't exactly know which of you is which yet.

All he sees is there are two girls dressed in identical, all black and leather outfits, both have their hoods up with backs turned on him. He knows one of them was you and the other was your stunt double, he just can't seem to differentiate who is who as of the moment.

"Okay now Tom, you already know how the scene goes. The first time Detective Allan Spade, your character, meets Luna. They've known each other before so you are basically going to be surprised that the sweet innocent girl, who's your childhood best friend and then dated up until college was now a well-trained and elite assassin." Joe was the one to interrupt Tom's ogling since Anthony was at your side giving notes too. One of the perks of having two directors on set is that you can speed things up a bit. The set was built quite large so it definitely was a plus.

It was the first scene of the day and they were starting it off with an action sequence, one with cars, explosions, gun shots and the likes. It wasn't the first take for the rest but it was for Tom, being that they perfected some of stunts first, which was mostly done at the end of the set far across from him.

He didn't get to see who was doing which stunt because your character's costume has you covered in almost head to toe, making it impossible to know without having a closer look.

He was very excited though, maybe even too much that his mind sometimes flies off to somewhere—or rather, someone—instead of focusing more with the task at hand.

"Okay, yeah, gotcha." Tom nodded frantically as he cleared his throat. His arms were crossed over his chest as the heat rose up his cheeks once Joe looked at him curiously. "You okay? You seem a bit preoccupied?"

"Just a lil tired but I'm alright." Tom chuckled shyly as he looked down, the director only nodding as he added. "We're going to try and have one fluid shot with this scene so once you see her jump over the hood of your car, you quickly get out to your marker and aim your gun."

Tom hummed with a smile to let Joe know that he's listening attentively. The director gave him one last pat on the shoulder before turning back to the crew.

"Okay places everyone!" And with that, Tom got inside of a car that was hooked up to a wire rigging. It was only going one way but in top speed, so safety first is a must, hence why he isn't allowed to really drive it.

Tom already had his hands on the wheel, his head turning just enough to see a girl or Luna as he would refer—to which he assumed was your stunt double—hooked up to a trust and wires. She stood on top of a car that was situated in the middle of a chaotic road.

The sight was hectic enough with a number of cars littered everywhere—some overturned, some on fire—and a few bodies of supposed police offers sprawled on the pavement. Luna threw her hand up with thumb upturned to signal that she was ready to do the scene.

"Set and action!" And everything then just sprung to life.

Gun shots echoed throughout the space as explosions went off here and there. The car Luna was standing on drove full speed and came to a screeching halt in an attempt to shake her off. But the sudden movement only enabled her to jump off and flip right on time, so smoothly and with much grace. She landed on the ground with a roll, pausing for a second in a crouching position to let the camera capture the moment before she was full on sprinting again.

Tom's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he watched her approach, incredibly fast and nimble, dodging the cars and bullets coming after her with so much ease as if they were whizzing past her in slow motion, all while maintaining such poise in doing so.

With the signal, Tom stepped on the gas pedal hard, perfectly in sync as his car lurched forward in an attempt to catch her off guard, but just as it came right in front of her, she jumped and slid herself over the hood, landing down on the ground crouching.

Before she could even make another move, Tom had already gotten out of his car, the sound of the gun clicking stopping her in her tracks.

"Hands up where I can see them!" Tom growled, gun firm in hand as he slowly approached her, eyebrows furrowed as he glared at the figure right in front of him.

She stood up carefully with both hands held up in surrender, the silence in the air suddenly ringing as she turned around with her head hanging low, covering her face completely. That until she slowly lifted her hood off.

"Woah." Tom sucked in a breath, completely caught off guard as he stared at none other than star of the movie herself, you.

Sure, half of your face was covered with a mask, but he just knows it's you and it really took him utterly by surprise.

Tom genuinely did think your stunt double was doing this scene as the action sequence wasn't in anywhere near easy, but he'd recognize those eyes anywhere.

To say he was thoroughly impressed would be an understatement.

But knowing you for the time that he has, Tom knows how much of a hardworking woman you are. So seeing that you will likely do all of your stunts, it wasn't at all surprising to come and really think about it.

Still, Tom was speechless as he kept staring at you, and it was like there was no acting required as he slowly lowered the gun to see you more. His eyes not seeming to believe that it was you standing in front of him. Perfectly on script.

It felt so new to him seeing you in a different element, seeing you look even more beautiful and extremely sexy with that much tattered, faded leather and straps hugging your body.

You were wearing those long boots that stopped mid-thigh paired with shorts that were ripped on the edges, an almost gothic type of a hooded cloak swaying with the air, making it look even more promising that you can definitely kill. You look like you just came out of an Assassin's Creed video game, but more on the modern side. And instead of swords and knives, you've got guns.

Your eyes on the other hand were on a different level.

They were threatening to say the least. The glare was so intense that Tom actually felt like you were about to hand his ass over to him. Those sweet eyes he's grown to adore was masked by this menacing and dark look and he just keeps getting more impressed as he goes on. He wouldn't want to meet you in this state in an alleyway—or anywhere for that matter—that's for sure.

He definitely hasn't seen you like this before and boy was it making his head spin, and dare he say it, it was making him feel all hot.

You were fully in your badass mode and Tom wasn't sure if he was scared or extremely attracted, or maybe even both at the same time.

"And cut!"

And then you giggled.

Tom has let go of a girl who can definitely do both. As if he wasn't a big enough idiot already.

"Was that good?" Your voice was muffled by the face mask you were wearing, but Tom can just hear that wide smile on your face. You really just had to make him soft by being all cute and sweet again.

Oh you were giving him a whiplash that will surely be the death of him.

"Nailed it! Both of you!"

"Really? And, uh, can I have some water please?" You giggled shyly, only sparing Tom a second of a glance before your eyes was back on a girl who brought you a bottle of water.

This made him frown involuntarily, curios eyes looking at you as a certain pang hits his chest.

She's still mad at you and rightfully so.

Tom ran a hand through his hair with a sigh as his eyes casted itself on the ground. He was starting to go deep in thought as to what he should do to make things clearer for the both of you, but he got interrupted when Anthony approached him to give a few notes and directions for the next part of this scene.

So Tom just shoved his thoughts to the side and decided that when the time is right, you two will get to talk eventually.

* * *

It was the last scene of the day to which you're a little bit relief by. You were pretty much drained to the bone and you can't wait for the day to be over. But with one downside: it's also the scene that you've been dreading the most.

It was a flashback scene of your character and Tom character's falling out. It was sort of the last straw to break her completely that would then be one of the reasons that pushes her to become an assassin right after everything in her life has gone to hell.

It wouldn't have been too much of a big deal if it wasn't near what happened with you and Tom. But the case was, it was almost as identical as the night you and Tom broke up.

What a way of the universe to joke.

There were a couple of different scenarios sure, but the whole idea and vibe of the scene? It was like it was taken from the books of your very own life.

The set was whittled down now, the setting a residential area with an empty street in a cold night. You were out of your costume and in a simple knee-length dress and a denim jacket along with a pair of sneakers. A beanie sat atop your head as your hair fell down your shoulders freely.

It was tough trying to get into the headspace, as this was a heavy scene with so much crying involved, but it doesn't even take too long when all your mind could think of was that night.

"You okay?" Anthony asked as he furrowed his brows at you, concern written on his face as you've managed to look extremely crestfallen.

"Yeah, just getting into the zone." You laughed awkwardly, your heart getting heavier by the minute especially when you caught a glimpse of Tom approaching and then stopping just beside you.

"You've been incredible so far with all the action Y/N. But this scene in particular, I want you to channel all your deep emotions. You character has been through so much, loss of a father, an addict mother, the society looking down at you and then the only person who you trust and love starts to change and turn his back on you." You only nodded at Anthony's direction since your mind was already there. You've already experienced a few of the things your character has, so it wasn't hard to tap into those emotions.

You can feel Tom's stare just burning a hole through the side of your head, but never did you spare him a glance. You aren't sure if you're strong enough to keep your tears at bay. Probably best to just save it for the scene.

"You Tom, you've just gotten popular with the crowd, new friends, and people seem to love you and you only see her as like a hindrance to your joy because she starts asking for your attention. You kinda see her anger at you as her not wanting to see you happy or her being jealous of your success. You've been blinded by a lot of stuff so you become a jerk to her basically." It would be funny to think that Anthony was basically telling Tom to act the way he acted that particular night, but none of you were in the state of mind to find even the smallest humor in the situation at hand.

"Yeah okay, yeah." Tom cleared his throat, the tension in the air getting thicker by the minute that even Joe had to butt in. "Are you two okay? You both look like you've seen a ghost." The older brother asked as he stood beside Anthony.

"Yeah!" Both you and Tom almost squeaked in unison. You can feel the heat rush to your cheeks as you forced a smile. "Never better." You breathed out.

Tom was still staring at you; you can just feel it, and you so wished he would just stop. It wasn't helping your case at all, especially when he's got those messy brows furrowed by the looks of it in the corner of your eye, indicating that he was deep in thought.

"You guys have the freedom to improvise your lines, don't be afraid to stray away from the actual lines on the paper but make sure that you don't necessarily change the scene."

Without further more questions, you were finally ushered to your places. You kept your eyes on the ground while you stood in front of a screen door, hands in the pockets of your jacket as you shifted your weight from one foot to the other.

"Ready and action!"

You grabbed the screen door open as you slowly made your way inside. Different colored lights were flickering around as few people gave you looks because everyone knows you weren't invited to this party. You acted unbothered but your eyes were telling a different story.

Reaching the living room, the couch was where you saw him. He sat comfortably with arms outstretched on the back of the sofa, a girl right closely beside him as they whispered to each other's ear, rather too flirtatiously.

You stood there and watched as she got all too friendly with her hands, trailing up and down his chest as he didn't bother to do anything about it. Tears were welling up your eyes, but you willed yourself to stay focused, even if it wasn't necessarily full on acting as it was quite a familiar sight to see.

And with the cue, Tom looked up to meet your gaze and you held it, just long enough for the camera to pick up. The expression on his face was quick to change as he stood up abruptly. That was your indication to leave, so you turned around and rushed out of the house, the camera following closely behind you.

You were now on an empty street as he ran behind you, the set eerily quiet letting his footsteps echo loudly against the wet pavement. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you kept your head low, holding the tears in since it wasn't time for that yet.

"Wait, just wait a second. It's not what it looks like." Tom rushed as he grabbed your arm, but you shrugged it off and kept on walking, making sure not to take too long of the strides for you not to miss the marker.

"Of course it isn't." You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

"Just listen to me will you?" He called out in exasperation, but you didn't even bother to turn around and give him a look. "I don't want to listen to you anymore. Just go back and have fun with your so called lady friend." You said dismissively, seeing your mark to be one step more and once you reached it, and he reached his, his voice boomed.

"Why are you being such a bitch?" You stopped in your tracks and slowly turned around to finally face him, a look of absolute hurt written on your face as his only showed nothing but pure frustration.

"I can't do this anymore." You whispered with a shake of your head, blinking away the tears as you looked up at the dark sky.

"Can't do what?" Tom scoffed as he took a step forward but he kept a good distance, eyebrows furrowed in anger with his arms crossed over his chest to seem intimidating, and it was working. You knew it was all acting, but it just looked so believable that it took a sharp swing at your heart.

"This, us, you. I can't deal with you and your stuck up attitude anymore." You gestured between the both of you and then all of him, voice cracking as you willed yourself to keep eye contact. It was so hard to stay in character and balance your emotions at the same time, because the way he was looking at you, was the same way as he did that night he left.

Tom looked away with a sarcastic laugh. "Oh so now I'm stuck up? What did I do wrong this time?" You shook your head in disbelief at his words. "So many things, you're just too blind to see it."

"Then lay them the fuck out!" He snarled with one step forward, eyes boring furiously into yours that it almost made you take a step back. But you kept your ground, glaring at him with the same intensity as you threw your hands up in the air.

"Fine! You want me to lay it out for you? You've changed! Now that you've found your way in life and found a new group of friends suddenly you're too good for me. Suddenly you're mister successful while I'm the trash who follows you around." You barked back, his resolve wavering for a little bit as he grumbled. "You know that's not true."

"But it fucking is! You make me feel like I'm nothing compared to you! I'm your girlfriend but you can't seem to spend even a minute with me since you're out with your new friends a lot. And if you do give me a spare of your time you get mad for no goddamn reason! It's like you don't even want to be near me! Like I'm a disease to you and your new life! You think so highly of yourself now that you act like I'm some low class person as if we didn't grow up together!" The accusation in your voice was clear as day, and the way Tom's jaw clenched to show that you've hit a nerve, it scared you.

"Then maybe you should take the hint to do something better with your boring life so you can stop messing with mine!"

That was when you lost it. Any sense of what's real and what's just an act, you lost it.

"Start doing something with your own goddamn career and life and stop meddling with mine Y/N! I'm so sick of your shit!"

Your brain started to spiral out of control and suddenly you weren't on set anymore, you were back at the apartment, head in your hands as you cried your eyes out, the loud bang of the door slamming shut ringing in your ears.

A single tear ran down your cheek as you stared at him in shock, breath caught in your throat as you felt your whole body tremble. You struggled to form your words, your eyes shutting tight enabling more tears to run down your face as you breathed out. "I have always been there for you. All I ask is for you to be there for me too." It sounded like a plea, soft, desperate but very painful that Tom almost broke character. Almost.

"It's not my obligation to carry your failures for you." He stated with so much venom and ice that you could only nod defeatedly, lips quivering as you held his gaze for one more second before your eyes casted itself on the ground.

"That's not what I meant but fine. I will not be a burden to you anymore." Your voice sounded so small and frail, and it was taking everything in your power not to snap, to just walk away for it to be done. But he just had to have the last word now didn't he?

"So now what you're just going to leave and give up on us?"

You don't know what it was but something in his tone or words triggered you. After a year of bottling it in, months on end of it slowly reaching its boiling point, you finally blew up. You took a step towards him as you gave him a hard shove, the sudden action catching Tom totally off-guard making him stumbled back.

"Yes! Because I'm so fucking done! I'm so done with thinking every single day if I will ever be good enough for you!" You sobbed, the tears free falling down your face but you didn't care as you continued to yell at him.

"I gave you everything that I had! I was there for you day in day out! But you still treated me like shit! You made me feel like I didn't matter to you even in the smallest of ways and that fucking hurt so bad because you mean the whole world to me! You pushed me aside like we didn't went through anything! As if all our memories together was wiped off your brain and that hurts! It hurts to see you look at me like I'm some stranger, like I'm someone you hate so much even if I didn't do anything wrong to you! I've done nothing but love you. I—I loved you so much and all you did was hurt me in return. No matter how hard I tried, it still wasn't enough because you left me! You broke my heart when you said you'd take care of it. After all of your promises you broke all of me Tom!"

Tom froze at the mention of his name.

The anger on his face was quick to dissipate, replaced by a look of nothing but pure guilt. Tom's heart broke completely as he watched you break down in front of him, so vulnerable, so hurt, all because of him. "I–"

"No! You're not getting the last word this time. I've had enough. I am done." Your voice broke at the end of your sentence, turning around hurriedly and ran off shot, leaving Tom standing there frozen and stunned.

You covered your mouth to try and muffle your sobs, attempting to run back to your trailer to escape the prying eyes but Anthony stopped you, hands resting gently on your shoulders as he held you in arms-length. "Y/N, are you okay?" You shook your head no, your tears pouring even more at his question.

"Can I have a minute for some air please?" You stammered, vision blurry with all the tears but you still saw Anthony only nodding, eyebrows knitted in concern. "Go, take all the time that you need."

You breathed out a soft thank you and ran, back to your trailer, slamming your door closed and flipping the lock as you collapsed on the floor.

* * *

It took Tom a minute for everything that has happened to wrap around his head. Your words repeating itself over and over and he wanted nothing more than to beat himself up, black and blue.

He knew he hurt you but he could only just imagine how much, up until he saw your eyes as you looked at him with nothing but pure betrayal.

The pain in them were so real and Tom knew at that moment that you weren't even pretending anymore. You weren't acting but reliving that night again, he can just see it in your eyes. You weren't addressing him as his character, no; you were addressing him as himself, Tom Holland, the guy who broke you to pieces.

Tom should've just scrapped everything and held you. He should've said fuck it to the scene and just pulled you in his arms. But the thought crossed his mind a moment too late.

He stayed in his place completely still before he was snapped out of his state when Joe approached him, the director's face painted with confusion and concern. "Tom what was that? Is there something going on between you two that you're not telling us?"

Tom didn't bother to answer his question as he looked around set, the worry in him increasing when he saw no sign of you. "Where is she?"

"I think she went back to her trailer. Wait where are yo—"

"I'll explain later." Tom called out as he ran out of set. He needed to find you and set things straight. Tom needs to tell you the full truth, tell you what's he's been feeling the past year. He wasn't going to let himself make the same mistake twice.

* * *

Sobs raked your body as you rest your back against the door, knees held to your chest in a curling position. Your eyes burning with your lungs as you cried and cried, because even if you tried to stop, you just couldn't. You couldn't find the will to erase the thought of him leaving you. That image has burned itself in your mind and it hurts, so fucking bad and you just want it to go away.

A whine from the opposite side made you lift your head up from your knees, eyebrows furrowing together once you heard it again, but louder this time. "Tessa?" You sniffled, and she barked in confirmation, scratching at the door in an attempt to get to you. Your frown deepened at the sound of her crying on the other side. She knows fully well when you're upset, and she will do anything to be beside you no matter what. It was such a sweet thing she does. Tessa's been there beside you whenever she finds you crying, she was your comfort buddy, and today, that still hasn't changed.

You stood back up to undo the lock to let her in, ready to have her hugs and kisses because they always make you feel better, but when you pulled it open, you weren't only greeted by her, he was standing right there too.

Before you could even slam the door shut he had already pushed the door wider and made his way inside, shutting it just behind him, and you made sure to step back, putting some much needed distance between you two. Of course he did. Tessa was in his trailer, there was no other way she could've gotten out without his help.

"You are a fucking dickhead for you using Tessa as bait Tom." You growled in pure annoyance, wiping away your tears aggressively as you wrapped your arms around yourself, avoiding his eyes at all costs as you stood right beside the couch where Tessa was laying down, just watching you with attentive eyes. You gave her a soft pat, distracting yourself from the man who stood there.

"I just need to talk to you, and I know you won't open the door if it was me." He was making his way towards you, but you were quick to hold your palm up, stopping him in his tracks and only making it halfway. You couldn't bear to be near him, at least not yet. Tom nodded, staying in his place as a soft sigh left his lips, "Please–"

"There's nothing left to talk about Tom." Your voice was hoarse, tears still falling down your face but not as much as before. "Yes there fucking is." He argued, desperation running through him as he tried his luck, taking another step forward. Tom just wants to be near you, to hold you and he almost shouted in glee when you didn't stop him.

"What do you want from me Tom?" You whispered, willing yourself to look at him, but only for a split second, because you couldn't bear to see his face without bursting into full on sobs again. But still, you saw it, the sadness in his features, and your walls were slowly cracking.

Tom kept inching closer and closer, and he was both relief and scared because it seemed like you weren't putting up a fight anymore, like you've somehow given up.

You were tired, both emotionally and physically, so you didn't bother to take a step back once he grew nearer. You were tired of running, maybe it was time for you to finally face him.

"I just want you to hear me out, please." Tom whispered, shaking hands slowly reaching out to hold your arms, and you let him. You let him touch you, the heat of his palms comforting you in some odd way. He was so close now and you know if you did as much as look up, you'd see nothing but his eyes, so you didn't, you can't yet. You glued your gaze on the ground, just seeing the tips of his shoes almost touching with yours, it was that close.

"You had time before to reach out Tom. Why now?" Your voice was low but broken, a question that's been in the back of your head the moment he set foot inside your trailer. "Because you looked happier and I didn't want to ruin it. I thought that you were better off without me."

You let out a sarcastic laugh, probably making you look like a complete lunatic with the tears covering your cheeks but you didn't care. Of course you look happy on screen. You had to. To fool the world and yourself, but it was always a lie, what you've shown online was just a glimpse of your life, not the full truth. "Well, clearly, I wasn't. Aren't you?"

"Fuck no. I wasn't happy without you. I know you probably won't believe me but I wasn't Y/N. I will never be better off without you." You only sniffled, still shaking your head, still not believing his words and Tom can't blame you. But he needs you to hear what he has to say, so when you stayed quiet, Tom took this opportunity to just let out what he's been holding in for how many months now.

"Darling I'm sorry, for everything that I've ever done and said to you. Fuck I know sorry doesn't even cut it but I am, I truly am sorry for hurting you my love." You let out a soft whimper at the nickname, eyes shutting tight as you shook your head at him. "Tom please don't–"

"No, no, I need you to hear this Y/N." Tom's hand went up to brush a hair behind your ear, then coming down to hold your chin up for you to look at him. It already hurts him so much just seeing you cry, and it stabbed his heart repeatedly just staring back at your pain filled eyes, the glow in them snuffed out and replaced by this broken soul.

Tom took one shaky breath before continuing. "What I did was horrible, and I know that it won't be easy for you to forgive me, and I understand if you won't ever. Hell I can't even forgive myself for what I did. I was stupid, fucking stupid for hurting you like that. I was a completely idiot for leaving you. You didn't deserve the way I treated you. You didn't deserve to get hurt like that at all. If could go back in time and take everything I said back, I would. The things that I've said, I didn't mean them, truly. I was so blinded, I was angry and got carried away, but still that's not an excuse. What I said was not okay, and it will never be. And I truly am sorry darling, I truly am."

Tom's voice broke at the end of his sentence, his heart clenching as he tried his best not to cry. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting you like that, it pains him just thinking about what he's put you through. The sheer amount of guilt and heartbreak was swallowing him whole and fast. Then there was also anger. He was so angry at himself for doing that to you, but what's done is done. The only thing he could do now was think about what lies ahead, hopefully, with you back in his arms.

"Y/N, I want you to know that... no, I need you to know that I still love you, I've never stopped loving you." Tom couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes, his bottom lip quivering as he spoke the words. The sob that you let out only broke his heart even more, your firm hands pressing against his chest as you tried to push him back. "No no no, you're just saying that. You don't mean that. Please don't lie to me Tom, please don't."

Tom shook his head as he bit his bottom lip to suppress a whimper. Both of his hands finding its way up to cup your face, wiping your tears away with his thumb as he pressed his forehead against yours. You kept your eyes shut tight, not finding even the smallest of strength to open them to see his face, looking at you so longingly.

"Look at me, baby, look at me." He pleaded, wanting you to see right through him, to look into his eyes and see the truth.

You took a few deep breaths as you wrapped your trembling fingers around his wrists, forcing yourself to open your eyes and gaze into his tear-filled brown orbs.

"I'm not lying to you. I love you, gosh I'm still madly in love with you Y/N." He breathed out with so much emotion, his words coming out as a soft whisper, but the truth was there, strong and firm for you not to miss it.

And who on earth were you kidding? Of course you still love him, you always have. And for the first time in a year, you let your heart take control over your brain; allowing you to push yourself up and let your lips capture his in a kiss filled with need and so much passion.

Tom was quick to kiss back, strong arms wrapping around your form as he pulled you closer to his body, his head spinning at the feeling of your warms lips back on his own after so long. Your fingers were lost in the mesh of his curls, the kiss wet due to a few more tears but neither of you cared because it felt like it belonged, like you two were finally home.

"I missed you so much." Tom groaned against your lips, walking you back slowly until you've reach the bedroom of your trailer, a slight confusion washing over you because the couch was right there, not that you're in a hurry or anything but... "Why–"

"Tessa." And with that he kicked the door shut, his action an enough answer because as much as you love the dog, she does have a habit of disturbing. A sweet giggle came out of you and Tom felt his heart melt at the beautiful sound, especially when it was filled with nothing but genuine amusement.

But that giggle was soon replaced by a soft gasp as Tom dipped his head to bring his kisses down to your neck, his hands pushing your jacket off your shoulders and letting it fall down the floor. That was when everything in your head got clouded, his lips on your skin a good enough distraction for both of you not to think straight.

Your hands found its way under his shirt, a shiver running down Tom's whole body because they were cold, but not for long. He shrugged his own jacket off and pushed you further back, the back of your knees hitting the edge of the bed allowing you to fall down the mattress with a soft thump. Tom pulled his shirt over his head and didn't waste a second more as he crawled on top of you right after, lips back on yours hungrily as he situated himself in-between your legs, your dress hiking up when you wrapped them around his waist.

Your fingers were tracing up and down his bare torso, Tom smirking between the kiss as he felt you run it over his toned abs. You bit his bottom lip as a warning to not be cocky, earning a deep groan from him, his hand coming down your thighs to give them a firm squeeze, the temperature in the room only getting higher as the clock ticked by.

But before any of you could take it a step further, a loud knock echoed itself on the whole trailer. Both of you wanted to ignore it but a voice soon then followed. "Tom, are you in there?"

The boy groaned as he buried his face on the crook of your neck, the two of you completely forgetting where you are as of the moment. Tom took deep breaths to calm himself down, your fingers running through the back of his head, playing with his hair as you did the same.

Once Tom caught his breath, he spoke, a hint of annoyance coating his voice. "What is it Harry?"

"They're looking for the both of you."

Tom sighed, propping himself up to look at you fully, beautiful face all flushed and he couldn't have seen a more gorgeous sight. "Be out in a minute." He called out, never letting his eyes off of you as if you'll disappear if he does, even for a split second. You didn't dare to move nor let out a single word. You just stared right into his eyes, so many emotions swimming in them but one that made your heart grow is the clear look of love, and for once, you felt safe under his gaze, safe and home.

"Come home with me tonight?" Tom asked shyly, fingers tracing your jaw in a loving manner. You thought about it for a second, all the doubt suddenly rushing back to you along with your brain just yelling at you to be extra careful, and you knew you just had to clear your head first before jumping right in the deep end. "Tom, I think I need to thin–"

"I know darling, I know. But please, just give me tonight. After that, I'll give you all the time and space that you need." You sighed knowing fully well you can't ever resist him, closing your eyes for a moment before nodding. A breath of relief escaped Tom's lips just as he presses it back on yours, but this time it was soft and sweet, kind of like a reassurance that he will be right here until you fully take him back, no matter how long that would take.

Tom unwillingly pulled away before things get heated again, standing up fully as he grabbed his shirt off the floor along with his jacket and slipping it on. He turned back to you with a sweet smile, offering both hands for you to take, interlacing your fingers in his once you did.

"Come on, we've got some explaining to do."

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