#anxious but feeling positive
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One of you will betray me
Another one of you will betray me too probably
Actually any of you could betray me
Is this what Macbeth is about?
#7 apartment viewings today#anxious but feeling positive#because the opposite is a terrible pit of despair#and I'm not about that#alienwords
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.
If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.
Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.
#positivity#disability positivity#partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability#i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue#and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect#but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy#but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do#and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst#man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe...#...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him...#...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed...#...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that...#...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried
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For the last week I have been working on one fairly large-scale project, which is spontaneous, a little grateful and generally full of bright feelings.
And so! I'm proud to present to you a little comic based on @nhasablogg's fanfiction that I really enjoyed. So in the end I decided to transfer these feelings into creativity
You better read this fanfic, because it is very sweet and sensual, and my scribbles only convey half of what is written there
#Here I feel a little anxious#because I remember that I forgot to ask permission…#although in fact#this is positioned as something like a gift for the positive emotions given by fanfic?#in order to make gifts you don’t need to ask permission right???#talk#art#dean winchester#castiel#destiel#spn#supernatural#and indirectly it is still considered as#tickle art
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listen i don't think edward little was actually a bad first lieutenant. when we see him in the first episode he's calm and confident. he does not say much but he's amiable enough. crozier likes him, and i don't think crozier would like anyone he doesn't think capable in some way. generally he's dependable and knows what he's doing. however unfortunately for edward he has these qualities because he has a major case of eldest daughter syndrome, which means he both wants to please his mum (crozier) and has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for his younger siblings (crew), so when they get stuck in the ice and crozier starts going (more) alcoholic, he enables his mum bc he doesn't want to disappoint her even if he doesn't agree with her, and he has to pick up the tasks and care for his siblings she's not doing, but he can't let his siblings know about their mum's situation because they'll get worried and restless. and like a true eldest daughter he has to bear the brunt of mummy's anger for being a disappointment but he also doesn't want to seek refuge with the man she divorced (fitzjames) because that feels like a betrayal. also while this is going on there is a giant bear who hunts his siblings for sport so they're dying left and right and also a changeling master manipulator who's making his siblings mad at their mum and who wants to fuck said mum before eating her like some sort of praying mantis. anyway i think i would start being miserable and anxious too.
#joke post but i do feel like the whole 'edward little's bad lieutenanting' goes a little overboard sometimes#he's always in the worst position ever for a man whose sense of duty to captain and crew is at the core of his being#generally everything he does he does bc he thinks it's for the good of the crew.#but the crew is 24/7 in mortal peril so he's anxious 24/7 as well#under normal circumstances he'd know what to do. but these aren't normal 1st lieutenant circumstances. he's not equipped for it#and anyway i do need to point out. that edward is anxious abt everything and he makes wrong choices sometimes even with good intentions#but the first thing crozier did when he got miserable and anxious was stop trying and instead hope to drink himself to death. so. you know.#edward little#the terror#jopson is the favoured younger sibling in this scenario btw#inb4 someone comes into the tags like 'wouldn't jfj be the mum' not in this metaphor
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To anyone who needs to hear this,
I hope everyone's doing alright out there. I try to keep things light and silly on my blog, but I feel like now is a good time to remind everyone that you're not alone. It's hard not to be doomer right now, but take a deep breath. Drink some water. Everything is okay right now.
It's okay to be upset or disappointed by the way things are. You're allowed to feel however you feel. It doesn't make you weak or incompetent. It doesn't mean you've failed or you're being punished. It isn't something you should feel guilty over (whether you voted or didn't or voted third party).
There are plenty of people out there who will love and support you. I'm one of them.
Love you all. Stay safe. Take care of yourselves. Be kind to yourself.
Sincerely, Cheekin <3
#for what its worth im sorry#today has left a lot of people feeling anxious and unsafe#esp on this app#i felt like putting some more positivity out in the world could never be a bad thing#i wish i had better words#cheekinrambles
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I don’t think ppl give enough credit to rui for his dedication to fucking with people (outside of tsukasa of course) like. Knowing & acknowledging that nene wants nothing to do with him and Tsukasa on her first day of second year and deliberately following tsukasa to loudly ask if she’s getting along with people (just to be a jackass)? Implying his gift to akito will explode even though it won’t bc he wants to bug akito? Like I think rui at his core is full of love and a desire to make ppl smile but I also think he’s 200% committed to the bit first and foremost. If something will be funny he’s going to do it regardless of the consequences. Guy filled with zero social anxiety & a never ending desire to embarrass his friends.
#‘he’s insecure’ is very fanon. like I think he has hang ups over that obviously as one does when one is excluded from their peers for being#odd. but he’s never had that issue w the general public. w friends? a little. but he’s kinda moved past that#gestures towards the Halloween wxs story and (heavy sigh) rmd.#project sekai#in general I will die on the hill of rui and Tsukasa having so much more self assurance and confidence than ppl give them credit for#if u want a fail girl nene is right there. open ur eyes.#consequences of ppl only viewing him thru a shipping lense…#*nene* is socially anxious#rui canonically trespassed on ppls property to put on solo shows for several years.#i could go on a rant abt tsukasa & the portrayal of him w social anxiety despite the ample evidence against it but I don’t feel like doing#it in the tags bc it is entirely unrelated. rui and Tsukasa (handshake emoji) horrifically misrepresented by fanon.#2 end on a more positive note: everyone think abt the comic where rui is perfectly capable of understanding emu#and he has the ‘all perfect’ text after comprehending her fascinating vocabulary. beautiful. perfect wxs relationship moment.#read curtain call again. & the other rui focuses. main story in general. etc.
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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Online friends/mutuals appreciation post!
@catnykit Honorary mutual to me. I like seeing you in my notes and adding tags
@clairelsonao3 I like seeing you in my notes and reading your tags, and thank you for being one of my first mutuals.
@dragyouthroughthewhump I love seeing you in my notes and on my dash
@fourwingedsnake I love seeing you in my notes and I think you're cool
@generic-whumperz I love your energy and like seeing you on my dash
@just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi I love your writing and vibes and I was excited when you followed me back
@kira-the-whump-enthusiast I love having you in my notes and seeing your excited tags on my dash
@octopus-reactivated I like your writing and your vibes
@paingoes I like your writing and am impressed with how quickly you are able to do it, and I like having you on my dash
@painsandconfusion I love your writing and when you followed me back it was like getting acknowledged by a celebrity. I also enjoy seeing the thoughts you add to things.
@pigeonwhumps I like your writing and you have great taste in posts
@sowhumpshaped I never know what to say but I check your blog all the time and I really like your writing and characters. I also think it's really impressive how many requests you fill.
@steh-lar-uh-nuhs I may not technically be following you back, but I've seen you in my notes so much you are an honorary mutual to me
@teine-mallaichte I love your living weapon stuff, I am in awe of how fast you churn it out, and I appreciate how willing you are to talk about your experiences with mental health
@thewhumpcaretaker I like your writing style and your vibes, and your art is lovely. I really appreciate when you tag me in things even if I don't always manage to respond
@whumped-by-glitter I love everything about your WIP. You seem really cool and chill, and I appreciate how willing you are to talk including about your experiences with conditioning
@whump-queen You have great taste in posts and I like your tags
@whumpsday You are a big blog in my mind and being followed back by you felt similar to getting acknowledged by a celebrity
@whumpsoda I love your drabbles and I think you have great taste in tropes
All of you... I'm so fond of you <3 I consider each of you a friend as long as you are comfortable with me doing so
This is not an exhaustive list of people I like or what I like about you all, but I thought it would be good to spread some positivity even if I couldn't hit everything
#I'm always anxious about doing things like this because what if someone doesn't like their message as much as someone else's#or what if I miss someone and it hurts their feelings#But I'm making myself try at least once so you know you're appreciated#ily /p#positivity#P.S. If we're sideblog mutuals I consider us full mutuals even if tumblr doesn't
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OH I forgot to share this. Rosie graduated from puppy school
#shes thinking about going to puppy grad school#maybe even get a puppy doctorate#in biting#(she actually doesn't bite anymore. The issue we're working on now is her jumping up on ppl)#shes getting spayed on monday and im feeling anxious about it#like I know the positives far out way the negatives#Im just worried itll be traumatizing for her or some shit#the vet we took my old dog Jilly too was a fucking butcher. Used metal staples to close her up. You could visibly see/feel them on her#she had them the rest of her life#Im just scared something will go wrong#Jilly dieing was one of the hardest things Ive ever been thro in my life. I still think about her everyday#I dont know if I could come back if I lost Rose
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Safe in someone else's heart
#pixel art#danganronpa#shuichi saihara#Happy Valentines!#Somehow this idea came up as a concept of a thought#Like if Shuichi actually physically found friendship fragments while meeting people#and his poor anxious heart slowly started to feel more at ease cause this is like validation#that he IS making a positive impact on people! He's important! He's loved!!#idk I think it would just be calming for him....
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Today was a good day.
#they happen#even when you’re struggling#anyone else?#mental health#gratitude#positivity#mental illness#recovery#I relaxed#I journaled#I played astrobot#I ate yummy food#I went to a Bollywood dance class with a good friend#we went for a drink after#I watched a ridiculous Christmas movie#it was not great#hot frosty I’m looking at you#but I just love Xmas a lot#I didn’t feel stressed or anxious or tense
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babe wake up it’s time to do some eft tapping & deep breathing & maybe open the journal to a new page instead of letting the thoughts boil in your head
#good morning#be kind to yourself#gentle reminder#feeling anxious#positive self talk#self love#radical self love#deep breathing#eft tapping#healing#trauma recovery#actually traumatized#complex trauma#cptsdwarrior#cptsd survivor#anxiety
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🐄
#mine#ts4#sims 4#the sims 4#simblr#sims#ofmd#ed#ofmd sims#hi hello sooooooooo i think#i am getting a new job#or rather#a new position at my current job#which means more money but also more hours#ive never worked fulltime before and im anxious abt that but i know it's a GOOD THING!!!#its gonna help me feel better abt myself#make more money#eventually move out???????? get my gf and her kid here????????#obv that's way in the future but#i wanna start saving now!!!!!!!#anyway okay here is ed 😂
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Vent post
#ignore me lol#vent post#I am feeling extremely angry and frustrated and alienated#like of course I'm demotivated when I point out injustice and literally everyone just shrugs at me and tells me to get over it#“what are we gonna do about it”#put any thought into it whatsoever for starters#idk I want to give up#the same bitches that tell me not to kill myself are the same ones to vote my rights away#I hate living#I don't even get validation from participating in fan content anymore#im just anxious and feeling rejected all the time#except for like five very specific moots on here#but then I feel like a fucking failure for not knowing how to socialize or show them that I care without being weird and ugh#idk i'm tired#I feel like I put all this energy into making myself acceptable for everyone else and I go out of my way to be positive and compassionate#and then I get fuckall in return#post election blues ig#here's hoping I don't end up under a bridge#I think I would be a vastly different (better) person if everyone around me wasn't a bunch of complacent#selfish#wet blankets.#I'm getting really tired of being treated like I'm crazy for expecting better.#I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to hear that I need to get over it or that everything will be fine#it doesn't help or mean anything#things just get harder and harder and I'm just waiting around#I'm so srs if you read this far don't try to tell me nice things#im in an evil caustic mood and I will just continue pouring negativity in return
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