#anxietym

[psychic-driver]

the worst part is being able to pull it off

I show up, I'm a fun person, I make friends

then I become undone

they're usually good people and compassionate

but I can't reach out because that'd mean exposing myself

[imsupposedtobearesponsibleteen]

For those who don't understand the reasons people self harm

So quick heads up, this post will be discussing self harm, self harm triggers/urges/reasons, dissociation, scars and suicidal thoughts as well as feelings. Please proceed with caution.

Also this post is entirely my experience and there will be other reasons that I have missed, if people are comfortable sharing their experiences, that's also cool.

Hello! So, I have a history of self harm and suicidal ideation. I would firstly like to say that I didn't self harm because I felt suicidal, I also didn't do it because I had suicidal thoughts, and I didn't feel suicidal or think of suicide because I self harmed. I always had a variety of reasons for my self harm and it could be different from one day to the next. If I hurt myself multiple times in a day, it could vary from the first time to the second, third or last time, and all my reasons were completely valid.

Also if you experience any of these and have never hurt yourself, this is your sign not to hurt yourself. I am in no way intending to promote self harm in any situation, this post is purely made with the intention of sharing some reasons why people may do it.

So here is a non exhaustive list as to why I have self harmed in the past:

I was dissociating and wanted to feel like I was still a person

My brain was being too loud and I couldn't follow one train of thought and it helped shut parts of my brain up because I had something to focus on

My brain was being too quiet and I wanted to have something to focus on, or I was having a thought that was too quiet and I wanted it to be louder so I could make sense of it, and hurting myself was something I could use to make it louder.

I was angry and I needed something to take my anger out on

I was confused and it felt like hurting myself was the only thing that I could make sense of OR it felt hurting myself would make sense of the things I was confused with

I was incredibly anxious and I felt like the only way to feel less anxious was if I hurt myself.

Pain felt like the only thing I could control in that moment

Hurting myself felt like the only pain I could control.

I was going through stuff at home and it just made it more bearable for a moment

Shit day at school and needed to get it out of me

I felt an immense sense of guilt over something and feeling that pain made the guilt more carriable

it validated my pain

It helped me regulate my emotions

[touchofgoddotworld]

Refuse the Devil's Delivery of Anxious Thoughts and Turn Your Day Around (266) - October 5 2024

Choose your Podcast App to Play this episode According to Proverbs 15:15 (AMPC): ‘All the days of the desponding and afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances].’ This week we focus on guarding our hearts and minds, so that what we think, believe and ponder on remains fixed on that which lines up…

[marshmelonfluff]

maybe it's the coffee but apparently according to my brother in some languages our last name can mean shrimp and our stepfamily's name can mean royal/royalty and my brother definitely told me this in hopes i would sympathize or at least laugh over his coworker's refusing to let the shrimp thing go but i fucking love it so we have declared ourselves the shrimp princes to our father the shrimp king

[iamthescalesofjustice]

i have like half a dozen separate story ideas originating from the basic concept of ‘due to scapegoat echidna clones, various alternate-timeline versions of people got dumped in the middle of that’ bc like. its a fun excuse to throw various different iterations together and also i like the idea of the additional chaos caused by copies of people that are not echidna clones but who may have wildly varying morality, powers, and personal histories to their counterparts so like, bc if the current clone crisis everybody is auto-aggro on them anyway (official policy). 

[vinnysgermanlitblog]

"Our lives were not without anxietym since our relatives in Germany were suffering under Hiter's anti-Jewish laws."-- Anne Frank (pg 10)

[edobebop]

karácsonyi anxietym

you better watch out. you better watch out. you better watch out. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT.

[kifflepiffles]

Hnnnngggffffhh Short 10 minute drives completely exhaust me. I was a very confident driver and loved driving until I got into an accident that wrecked one of our cars at the end of May.

Luckily it was a 2005 Honda Civic with bad breaks, but now I'm really anxious about driving, and it's doubled because I can only drive our nice cars, and if one of those cars wrecks, then we're screwed.

I'm so scared of someone cutting me off when I'm too close to them because I'm driving slightly too slow for their taste. That's my biggest fear honestly. When someone comes up on me like that I freak out. Or like, if someone's turning and needs to pass my lane but I'm going straight. Both of those things happened when i was driving today, and it made me nervous so I asked my mom to drive us back home. On the way back there was a car accident on the street I hate.

It especially sucks because I live on the cusp of PA and NJ, and the sterotypes of Jersey drivers are VERY true. My accident happened woth a Jersey driver because they were going 20mph over the speed limit

and the anxiety took such a toll on me that I can barely hold my head up from being so tired. I want a nap :(

I think I might need to adjust my anxietymeds. I've honestly been all kinds of fucked up since it happened

[sarambcreates]

Hybrid Forms: Bookstore research

After defining that my outcome is going to be a book cover, I decided to go into a bookstore and check the non-fiction/self-help section and analyze the book covers for things that I liked and dislike, in order to keep in mind when I make my own cover.

This cover I quite like the illustrations, they are simple and makes the colour pop due to its graphic style. However, I did not like how the main title is made up using three different fonts, it looks confusing and somewhat badly designed. Ther title itself is also weak, as this statement is harsh and can be guilt inducing and demotivating for people who have anxietym, repelling them from the book, when they are the target audience. Maybe a more positive title would really emphasize the self-help aspect of the book in a positive manner and attract the readers. I should take this into consideration when I decide what title I give the “book” as the wording can have an impact on whether the intended audience picks up the book or not.

I liked the choice of making the spine a neon yellow that compliments the front cover but is not its predominent colour. It creates a nice contrast, as well makes it nice and bright to make it stand out on a shelf and the user pick it up in a store. When designing the book’s spine I should also take into consideration this and make sure it is strikinga and appealing.

This cover I liked a lot. The illustration on it has blocks of colour that make it graphic and stand out, but gradients in it that adds depth. The expression of the lady is calm and as if taking a deep breath, and her head being near the clouds it gives a sense opf weightlessness and calm/relaxation. This goes hand in hand with the intention of the book (a wellness guide for black women), and the positive affirmation of the title immediately gives off to the potential reader a sense of trust, as if this book might acccomplish what it is saying it will do.

The illustrations and themes in the front cover extend throughout the spine, the back cover and the inside flap, which to me is very effective and makes the whole cover feel harmonious. Also in general the book dust jacket format they chose might be my chosen format too, as I can then use any of my hardbacks to stand in for a book that does not literally exist.

This cover makes a serious, relatable matter feel somewhat comical, with their choice of wording for title, subtitle, and the illustration itself being a lady struggling to keep her things together literally. I like the use of silhouette and the foiling used to just make the shape out of specific items, it gives character and a story to the scene, but does not give identity to these specific characters which helps anyone piciking up relate to it more easily. The foiling also makes the book stand out and look somewhat more expensive, so it might be something I might look into and work with on my cover.

While this cover does not immediately give away what this is about, it reflects well the theme of meditation through the use of rhythmic, symmetrical pattern to make the main theme. The colour scheme of fading blues also is a good choice as it is a colour associated with calm, so it ties in well with the purposes of this book. I also like how texture of watercolour used in this pattern makes the pattern more friendly and less bold/loud likes something more graphic could mayvbe have done.

[poetryaccident]

Poem - I’m Released

I’m Released

By dream or dance I’m released from a curse of hating self dysmorphia lurking in the mind escaped in sleep or by jig

either is a welcome break there is no judgment that I face from the self with decree that shame is due in figure’s wake

in one world I’m beyond the mortal coil of waking life with the angles all too cruel aped in mirrors I despise

the illusion denies my age suspended in amber vision denying what came before perception’s verdict oh so kind

the other realm is movement’s grace belying size or corporal space when the joy envelops me stepping light with music’s tune

motion blinds the critical only seeing spin and pass across the body, turn of foot exquisite distraction I adore

one or the other is what I seek relief from voices that only jeer mocking form, derisive vents numbing by the volume spent

these I’ll put behind me when I sleep or dance at last blind to the taunts I can’t abide by dream or dance I’m released.

© 2017. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20171111.

“I’m Released” is a poem about body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).  This an anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance and to have a distorted view of how they look.  I find escape when I am dreaming or when I am dancing.   

[watercolourferns]

This is quite ableist.

Using self-censoring words isn't just for tiktok censorship. There's people who genuinely CANNOT say, write, nor type "d*ath" because of trauma.

I have d*ath anxietym, it's apparently part of my OCD, it's debilitating and it gives me bad enough intrusive thoughts that I break down crying and have a panic attack.

I've almost lost both my parents, my fiancée, and my own life in the span of 4 years. This has happened both due to illnesses (fiancée, my parents and I) or due to self-unaliving (myself only).

I'm an only child and I've gone No Contact with the rest of both sides of my family. If I lose my parents I have nobody to call blood family, I'd be the LAST Torres Gonzalez EVER.

I also depend on my mother financially, and on my father emotionally. I adore my dad, he's been my reason to not unalive myself FOR DECADES. If I lose him I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I have to prepare for it because he's almost 80 and chronically ill.

And if on top of that my fiancée is missing from my life as well, what am I gonna do?! My PP and my BFF live on the other side of a border I can't cross... my family would descend like vultures on me to try and take away from me what little I'd have left.

THAT SHIT TERRIFIES ME.

Also the place I was last year, where I had just given up and was waiting to just pass like my granny did (anoxeria) TERRIFIES ME. I was genuinely giving up, my body was shutting down! Seeing D¨*ath to the face like that is terrifying, it's traumatic. IT CHANGES YOU.

And while it changed me for the good and I'm doing things I wouldn't've done before that... I'm still terrified of death. I've tried by the by to get reacquainted with it like I used to be when I was younger and just saw it as a fact of life. BUT I CAN'T. I might not be able to cope when the time for my parents to leave me comes.... I'm so scared of that...

2019 all through 2023 have been so traumatic for me in the terms of on the verge of no longer existing that any mention of d*ath without the buffering of censoring the word gives me intrusive thoughts, it can send me into a panic attack... It's HORRIBLE to live like this!

But what's also horrible is people thinking other people are one-sided, that all we care about is reach, monetization, and social media censoring, and popularity, and likes and dislikes.

I'm sorry to tell you but no. We're not like that, we are complex and we have traumas that differ from person to person, we all cope differently.

So if I say unalive or self exiting it's because I CAN'T write the other words without feeling the panic creeping up through my feet.

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT "HURDUR WE NEED TO CENSOR THIS BECAUSE IT'S NOT MONETIZABLE". And people thinking otherwise are being inadvertently ableist. The rest of us still exist.

One thing I do agree on is this: DO NOT CENSOR TAGS. That's not how tags work, and as bad as it gets for me, I'll never censor my tags because I don't want anyone else to go through what I go through. And yes, it's merely words, but to me they have a strong meaning, and I want and deserve them to be buffered as much as I can to prevent myself from feeling worse. P.S. we don't owe anyone anything in terms of how we refer to ourselves and what words we use to protect ourselves. I DON'T FUCKING OWE YOU SOUNDING LIKE HOMER OR BEING CREATIVE ABOUT HOW I SELF-CENSOR THESE WORDS. IF YOU THINK THEY'RE INFANTILE THE PROBLEM ISN'T ME, IT'S YOU AND HOW YOU PERCEIVE.

ALSO, CALLING SOMEONE INFANTILE BECAUSE THEY DON'T ACT LIKE YOU THINK THEY SHOULD IS ALSO ABLEIST. SORRYNOTSORRY.

[anxietyproblem]

If you can relate to any of these posts, follow us @anxietyproblem​

[lil-miss-confidence]

Day 2 on the meds, so far not terrible. I woke up energized which was weird, not sure if its related or just a coincidence lol. I also woke up starving, but once I had food in front of me I had to almost force myself to eat, and im struggling with my coffee. :(

But im not completely out of it and exhausted, so hopefully I'll be able to get some stuff done today. So happy I had yesterday and today off work!

[numinous-shaman]

These Ghost Pipes really are the coolest plant medicine ever, they are some kind of fungus that actually grows in the shape of a flower, it's beautiful and it has gills like a mermaid, but the bottom of the trail is curved like a seahorse. Michael started soaking them last night for my medicine that mother nature prescribed and I am really excited to see how well it works. I'm already confident it will, considering the synchronicity and timing of how it came into our lives, right when I was disappointed most with synthetic options. This medicine is not only hauntingly beautiful, it's for all sorts of emotional and physical pain, inner healing and getting to the root of the suffering to shift it deeply 🥀 here is some info on this beautiful creation and more evidence of a benevolent Creator.... https://wisdomoftheplantdevas.com/2019/10/04/ghost-pipe-a-hauntingly-rare-plant-for-physical-and-emotional-pain/ #natrualmedicineforthesoul #herbmagic #newearthnow #terrestrialapothecary #ghostpipeflower #ghostpipetincture #insteadofopiates #anxietymed #degenerativedisk #psychosisrecovery #tramauticbraininjury #chronicpainrelief #innerhealing369 #ascensionsymptoms #spiritualemergency #naturalliving #madshaman #shamanicmedicinewoman https://www.instagram.com/p/CH0LTTiJg4A/?igshid=143egsu09hm8c

[stonedtarotreader]

Knowing I’m cared for is important. I almost downed a bottle of anxiety meds but SOMEONE slapped them out of my face. Well. Probably better that way. I do want to watch the sunrise soon

[atarahmiller-blog]

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