#anu rants

[anumacy]

please i need nevermore back im starting to bounce off the white walls of the room the kind lady put me in

i need to see annabel being silly

i need to see the flashbacks

i need to see them kiss

im going insane

I NEED THEM BACK RN AKFJSUFDAWFUFASEREAFJAUIFJAUFIIUAWFUSUFHIAHVAIUSHFUAIWHIHFIUCAHWHFIUAHIUHUAYRUEFHUIASFHIHSAID

[crappy-homestuck-confessions]

my friend started asking me questions about homestuck a few days ago and its somehow escalated into him commissioning me to make his persona into a troll. he has not read homestuck and is dead-set on never reading homestuck. a non-practicing homestuck, essentially. what horror i have unleashed into the world may never truly be known /lh

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[evilgwrl]

Simon Riley x Reader

Back Door

Summary: Simon wanted to explore more than just your pussy

CW: Anal, ass play/fingering, spanking, praise and degradation, no protection (PLS USE A CONDOM, JUST BC U WONT GET PREGNANT DOESNT MEAN U WONT GET AN STD!!!!!), established relationship (I love bf simon <3), aftercare, vibrator use!!, reader watches porn and gets caught, I don’t go into detail about prep bc I’m not that educated on it but pls use prep before anal intercourse <33

WARNING: BEFORE ATTEMPTING ANAL OR ANAL INSERTION PLEASE USE PROPER LUBRICATION, SPIT IS NOT ENOUGH AND CAN SERIOUSLY TEAR OR PERMANENTLY DESTROY YOUR ANUS RESULTING IN LIFE LONG INJURIES. PLEASE READ THE RISKS AND TAKE PROPER PRECAUTIONS AS WELL AS DOING IMMENSE RESEARCH (NOT PORN) BEFORE ATTEMPTING IT. NEVER LET ANYONE FORCE YOU INTO ANAL SEX, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT PROPER CARE OR THOUGHT.

Masterlist

You had heard mixed reviews on it, curiosity sometimes peaking through you as your girlfriends ranted about how good it feels, how full they felt, how sexually liberated. You were a subject to torture, your mind constantly battling between bringing it up to Simon or not.

Fingers twitched against the XXNX.com browser, horny digits darting between the three letters ‘a’, ‘n’, ‘l’.

Your shorts were undone, wrapped around your rigid ankles, your pointer finger pressed against your swollen clit, running a figure 8 in a quick motion as you watched the woman squeal in pleasure, her ass stretched with the sensation of a cock inside it.

It was taboo. Beyond taboo. It was something always frowned against growing up, always seen as profoundly dirty but maybe that’s what intrigued you.

You moaned in unison to the porn star on screen, her breasts bouncing against the white sheets she was spread out on her, ass flushed in the air as she was pounded to from behind, the man grunting in pleasure before thick ropes of cum spurted from the tight crevice, pooling down her pussy lips as she whined.

You clicked on the next video, not quite satisfied as you groped at your tits, perky nipples peaking through the fabric as you held your knees closer to your chest, feeling your orgasm coiling with desire as your eyebrows scrunched at the delicious sensation.

Simon could hear you. You were never one to be quiet. Pesky thing, he thought, he had only gone to the gym for less than two hours and you were this horny already? Surely him pleasuring you on his tongue earlier was enough, desperate pussy clenching against his muscle as you squashed his face between aching thighs.

He creaked towards the slightly ajar door, taking in your flushed frame, your knees knobbling against your belly as your tits shook with every pleasurable jitter that ran through you. Your pussy squelched as you occasionally ran your fingers through your soaked slit, lapping up any slick to lubricate your throbbing pearl.

Brown eyes darted towards the screen, taking in the dramatic title “HORNY SLUT TAKES FAT COCK IN HER ASS”. He raised a brow, a cocky smirk spreading across his face as he crossed his arms against his burly chest. You were interested in anal? How come you never told him that?

He can tell you were close, the way your hips bucked and soft pants fell from your lips as your actions got sloppier. Such a desperate thing, you were.

Simon cleared his throat right before a moan ripped through your parched lips, your eyes darting in fright as you stared at the intimidating figure watching you at the door.

“Simon? When did you- When did you get home?” You gasped, rushing to pull your soppy panties up as you stumbled to the door, instantly turning off the explicit video you were watching.

“You wanna explain to me what you were watching?” His tone was mocking as he stalked closer towards you, a deep arrogance and knowing lingering through every syllable.

“I- Uh- just stumbled upon it.”

“Hm? That right? So you don’t want me to fuck you in the ass? Treat you like a used slut? You know, like what you were just watching?”

You were lost for words, endless stutters leaving your lips as you tried to make do with what you were attempting to say. You let out a loud huff, pushing past him dramatically as you stormed to the bathroom.

“Aww c’mon baby, at least let me make you cum.”

Simon was enjoying the slow torture, stalking like a predator as he awaited the perfect moment to gnash his jaws across your neck and snap it, taking you as his. His to use, his to breed, his to own.

Maybe it was the way he teased you with his words, lapping seduction through the air just with the pure sultry tone he pronounced each syllable. Maybe it was the way he looked at you, dark eyes flickering with wanton need for you, lashes darting down as he stalked your frame. Whatever it was, it made you crack as you lifted your ass in the air on the bed.

Two fingers dipped into your slick, teasing between your folds as a deep laugh left his lips, a whine escaping yours.

“Stop teasing me,” you hissed, your sheer exposure sending a wave of humiliation through you as a hand spanked down on the fat of your ass, flesh jiggling under his warm touch.

Simon dug in your bedside table, delving through the clutter before rough fingertips felt the plastic ridged bottle. Desperate digits smeared the cool lube against your asshole, teasing the crevice as a quick smirk moved across his lips.

You and Simon had never really experimented with it before, the most being an occasional finger during doggy, but with him really paying attention to it now, it felt so real, so different.

“Relax for me baby,” he cooed, his voice soft as his spare hand rubbed the curvature of your back, comforting you. Your mouth formed an ‘o’ shape as you felt him coax a finger in, his already double the size of your own.

He worked another finger in, the tightness coiling around him as he lapped in the slight resistance. You felt a moan leave your lips as his fingers worked a smooth pace, walls clenching around the intrusion.

It was strange… different, but the fullness did something to you.

Simon’s hand wrapped around your throat, pulling you flush against his chest as he worked his fingers inside your back hole, soft pants and whines slipping past your tongue as your eyes fluttered shut, soft murmurs of his name filling the room as he praised you.

“Both holes take me so well, don’t they baby? So fucking good to me.”

“F-Fuck, Simon, I feel so full,” you cried, clenching instinctively around his finger as he smacked your ass in return.

“Think you can handle another?”

You nodded lazily, soaking in the pleasure as he bent you forward slightly, working more lube onto another digit before pressing it into you. He didn’t move for a second, allowing you to grow used to the tight stretch. The pain simmered slowly, your body relaxing at the naturalness of Simon’s touch.

Three fingers worked inside you, careful not to hurt you or go too deep as they focused on working a rhythm, letting you feel the pure pleasure of having another hole stretched by your Greek God of a boyfriend.

“F-Fuck,” you moaned, tongue practically lolled out of your mouth.

“Dirty fucking slut for me, sucking my finger threes in, ain’t you?”

“N-Need more, Si, please.” Your voice was dripping with arousal, eyes rolling back as you hummed at the filling sensation.

Simon grunted in satisfaction, slipping his three fingers out gently, softly rubbing at the puckered hole before he began to undo his pants. You bent over, your ass flushed in the air as you buried your face into the sheets.

You could hear the cap of the Lube bottle opening once more, followed by a continuous squirt of the gel, before more fingers prodded at your hole, working the substance around and into you.

“Baby, before we do this, if you want to stop at anytime, don’t even bother using our safe word, the moment you say stop or no, I’m pulling out. I won’t be mad at you either, this is completely about you. Your pussy’s tight enough for me.”

You nodded resulting in a harsh slap.

“Say you understand,” he snapped.

“Yes, Si, I promise I’ll tell you if I want to stop.”

You could hear the sloppy sounds of lube against his dick, his thick hands working his cock before you felt the mushroom tip line up at your hole. You winced as you felt him push in, his three fingers still not quite enough to make up for the sheer size of him.

Simon paused at the jerk of your body, holding your hips tightly before you whispered out an, “I’m okay, keep going”. Simon worked his thick length in bit by bit, taking his time as he continuously checked up to make sure you were okay.

At 3/4 of his length, Simon relaxed his movements, feeling you clench around him as you whined.

“Such a tight fucking hole, Jesus Christ,” he hissed, his hand coming down on your ass, the subtle print beginning to form.

“Please move, Si,” your voice coming out in short pants as you gripped the sheets, the sound of lube squelching as he began to rock back and forth, working his cock inside you.

Once you seemed more comfortable, your wanton moans filtering through the air, his pace fastened, gripping your hips like a vice as he occasionally spanked your ass, enjoying the way it moved as his hips slapped against the fat at a bruising pace.

“Dirty whore for me, let’s me fuck whatever hole I want.”

“Fucking filthy, takes me so well in her ass.”

“That’s a good slut for me, you love getting your ass filled, don’t you? Say it.”

His movements were quick as he fucked the right crevice, grunts leaving chapped lips as he practically growled out, harsh slaps delivered on your bruised skin, skin he would kiss later.

You were a series of whines and cries, strings of expletives leaving your mouth as your own fingers toyed with your neglected clit, rubbing the delicate bud at a quick pace as you screamed out at the fullness.

“Gonna cum soon,” Simon groaned, his pace growing more sloppy as he began to reach his high, your own fingers working faster against the sensitive bud.

“Come inside me, Si, please, need you to fill me up.”

Your words were practically sent from heaven, rolls of white meeting his vision before he let out a guttural grunt, hot pumps of cum filling you up as you whined at the sensation, your own orgasm quickly following.

You both panted, sweat engraved on your skin as your boyfriend slowly pulled out, cum leaking from the abused hole down to your cunt, both holes clenching around nothing as you collapsed.

You could feel a reassuring hand rub against the heat of your ass, shushing you as you breathed against the cotton sheets.

“Stay here baby, lemme get you cleaned up. You did so well for me.”

If you could take one thing from this experience, you were so glad you got caught watching porn.

WARNING: BEFORE ATTEMPTING ANAL OR ANAL INSERTION PLEASE USE PROPER LUBRICATION, SPIT IS NOT ENOUGH AND CAN SERIOUSLY TEAR OR PERMANENTLY DESTROY YOUR ANUS RESULTING IN LIFE LONG INJURIES. PLEASE READ THE RISKS AND TAKE PROPER PRECAUTIONS AS WELL AS DOING IMMENSE RESEARCH (NOT PORN) BEFORE ATTEMPTING IT. NEVER LET ANYONE FORCE YOU INTO ANAL SEX, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT PROPER CARE OR THOUGHT.

Sorry this is a piece of shit :(((

[gremlinmodetweeker]

König's Incredible Rants (Horangi's Tapes)

König is a patient man for the most part. He likes to roll with the punches, go with the flow, retreat to his happy place whenever life is eating away at him. But König is not as patient as he likes to think he is.

Certain things seem to set König off. It's never big things. He won't complain about global politics or about living conditions on base, and he sure as hell won't complain when he's given a punishment or if he has to cover for someone else last minute. No König's pretty forgiving in these areas. But König has his limits.

When König gets mad, he stews silently over a cup of coffee and reads a book to take his mind off the problem and let things be. He doesn't want to waste his energy on trivial matters (he cannot stop thinking about it no matter how hard he tries to distract himself). However, if somebody makes the mistake of asking him what's wrong, he pops off on a rant. Not loudly, not aggressively, and not meanly. He will never call someone stupid if he thinks they can hear him (he doesn't want to hurt their feelings). He is honestly rather tame, actually. He just paces around the room and waves his hands angrily as he speaks. And oh boy, does König speak.

Some people say that Germans don't have good comedy, but maybe that's because every single joke in the entirety of Germany and Austria all went to fuel one man's rage. The things this man can come up with on the fly are genuinely incredible. This normally silent, stoic man comes up with the strangest things you'd ever had the (dis?)pleasure of hearing. He's had entire rants about how to turn somebody's anus into a pencil sharpener or (during the same rant) how much skin he could remove from the human body at one time to make a renewable source of leather. His rant lasted long enough to figure out a viable pricing scheme and even deliberated the best way to manage his imaginary human leather factories. König's rants are so bizzare and yet also so meticulously thought out that you could easily mistake them for being scripted, ready to be let loose on the public at a moment's notice.

The worst part was that whoever triggered his rant would be forced to endure a 30 minute rant about the most inane, rambling bullshit you would ever hear in your life. At one point, people took shifts listening, but then they realized that it didn't matter if anyone was there or not, he'd just keep going regardless. So, most people just left him to do his own thing in the common rooms.

Enter Horangi, KorTac's resident gossip hound. Horangi got into the habit of leaving a phone recording to capture König's whole rant in all it's gloriously cynical and sarcastic glory. Horangi hasn't quite figured out how to make a profit out of König's rants, but he's working on it.

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug on the Jedi in 'The Clone Wars'

Y'all have asked, and Dr. Meat Muffin might be a disgruntled old hag that chugs too much Trader Joe’s bourbon and doodles too much subpar art, but she keeps her promises!

Just so y’all know, if you’re a major character (Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, etc) you keep your name, because it was drilled into Doug’s head over 8 seasons of Clone Wars and the movies. Everyone else, though, Doug gave up and created his own catchphrases for them.

CW: This one's not as spicy as Doug's previous rants regarding Star Wars, but y'all know if y'all know. "It'll all come out in the wash."

--------------------------------------

Plo Koon: Ah, Shrimp Daddy. He looks like a shrimp that’s been boiled and left in the sun after a potluck. But my wife LOVES him, she says he has the nicest voice and she wishes he’d narrate some books. I loved him too, he was my favorite. That scene where he tells his clone boys in space that they’re important to him? Ah great. They should have him lead HR meetings. 

Aayla Secura: Babe-the-Blue-Jedi. They sent her away from the Temple because Yoda didn’t want that hotness distracting everyone. Is she and Miguel (Bly?!) dating? They are, right? 

Kit Fisto: Reggae Swamp Thing. Tell me that boy don't look like he lives in the Atchafalaya and bangs on the steel drums all day. I wonder if he stole those shorts from Michael Phelps. He’s cool but does he need to have a tank to swim in on his ship? Does he have gills? I need more info on this guy. 

Adi Gallia: Storm’s Cousin. Doesn’t this chick look like her? She does, right? Maybe she's a Jedi cause she can't control the weather. Didn’t Maul’s brother Saul impale her on his horns and that’s how she died?* Why didn’t Maul do that to Obi-Wan? Maul was obsessed with Obi-Wan, do you think it’s because he had a crush on him after he sliced him in half?

(Doug also ships Obi-Wan with Maul now? IS THERE ANYONE WHO DOUG DOESN'T SHIP OBI-WAN WITH?!)

Shaak-Ti: Ahsoka’s Aunt. They’re totally related. (“No, they’re not.” “Says who?” “Um, EVERYONE?!”) She’s cool, nice to the clone boys. I like her horns. 

Saesee Tiin : Angry Bull Boy. He looks like a minotaur whose daddy left him at a Wal-Mart instead of the Labyrinth after drinking too much.

Deepa Billaba: My Coworker Anu. Seriously! She looks JUST LIKE HER. I even texted her a screenshot, and she used that as her Slack Channel picture for the longest time. Nice lady, she's a good master to Lil Kanan. Hm, Lil Kanan sounds like a rap person my niece would listen to.

Ki-Adi-Mundi: Mutant-Mall-Santa. Look me dead ass in the eye and tell me the man don’t look like he was supposed to hand out presents and ask kids what they want for Christmas and ended up hanging out in toxic waste instead. He's a snotty asshole, I don't like him, he thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

Luminara Undali: Lady-in-Drape. She’s a green lady, and she wears a drape. Meat Muffin, I'm tired and it's about to snow.

Barriss Offee: Little Lady-in-Drape. Man, she was awful, but she had good points, ya know? Kind of like Darth Maul. Do you think Darth Maul and Obi-Wan ever dated? Or would Obi-Wan’s boyfriend get jealous? 

Quinlan Voss: College-Hippie-Boy. Doesn’t he just look like one of those goofs that fart around with hackysacks all day long? I'd buy weed from him if he was selling, he looks like an exporter and consumer, if you know what I mean.

Even Piall: Dobby the House Jedi. Man he looks like he was on his way to help Harry Potter or something and ended up in a bathrobe with a light saber. Ah well. 

*= Savage is ‘Saul’ and Feral is ‘Paul’. So it’s Maul, Saul, and Paul. I strained a muscle laughing when I got this. 

Tagging my Redneck Doug stans here! @amalthiaph @sued134 @eyecandyeoz @thecoffeelorian @merkitty49 @megmca @skellymomam I missing anyone?

Let me know if I missed any Jedi, those were the ones that came up that Doug didn't immediately recognize.

[anumacy]

Lesbian

Taking this chance to rant

OH MY GOD THEY'RE SO GORGEOUS

FROM THE FEMMES TO THE BUTCHES TO EVERYTHING BETWEEN

LONG HAIR SHORT HAIR MEDIUM HAIR NO HAIR

BLUE EYES GREEN EYES GRAY EYES BROWN EYES HETEROCHROMIA EYES CHANGING COLOUR EYES

ANY RACE

MWAH GORGEOUS

FROM THE IM DEADER THAN A VAMPIRE TO SUN KISSES ME DAILY

WOMEN>>> THEY'RE JUST BUILT DIFFERENT

From my flat girlies to my curvy

Freckles to none

Perfect complexion to acne/dermatitis/psoriasis girlies

To gorgeous straight hair to beautiful locks/afros

THEYRE JUST SO <333333333

I LOVE WOMEN

I WANNA HUG THEM KISS THEM DATE THEM MARRY THEM

I WANNA BUILD A FAMILY WITH THEM

I WANNA HOLD HANDS UNDER THE STARS

I WANNA DANCE WITH THEM LIKE WALTZES

I WANNA DO EVERYTHING WITH THEM <3 JUST BREATHING NEXT TO THEM

AUUUUUHHHH I LOVE WOMENNNNNNN ❤️🧡🤍🩷💜

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ THEYRE JUST EEEEE

To my real life ones to my anime fictional gals

Beautiful. Outstanding. Gorgeous. They are literally the light at the end of the tunnel

idc if you got hair idc if you don't. GORGEOUS. 😤 love yourself as much as I love women, mkay?

Rant over

[crappy-homestuck-confessions]

I want more hurt/comfort fanfics involving eridan where feferi is the one to comfort him

Most of the ones I see have sollux be the one to comfort him, and, in my opinion, he is not the right person to do it.

.

[quartings]

So, I just watched a censored cut of The Suicide Squad (2021) on a plane...

Let me tell you, it was one of the weirdest movie-watching experiences of my life. All the intense gore and violence was kept, but all the swearing was re-dubbed over by the original cast and the mild nudity was cut, which really makes me wonder who the heck this version of the film was even for?? What kind of person can watch people get blown up into bloody chunks but can’t handle the word “bastard”??

Here are some of the highlights from the censored cut that I thought were the most amusing. Again, reminder that the original actors all ADR’d over the swears with new dialogue.

· Harley’s “What the FUCK??” at TDK was changed to “What is THAT??”

· Bloodsport and Tyla’s “FUCK YOU!!”s were changed to “FORGET YOU!!” like Ceelo Green.

· More F-Bombs from Bloodsport were cut, leading to “I’m no (fighting) leader!!” and “You’re threatening my (teenage) daughter!!”

· Calendar Man’s insult to Polkadot Man was changed from “You fucking pussy!!” to “You flaming sissy!!”

· Peacemaker: “Starfish is a slang term for (an anus).” How is that any better than saying “butthole”??

· The entire exchange about dicks on the beach was changed to be about bricks instead, as was any future usage of the word “dick”. “If this whole beach was covered in (bricks), and someone said I had to eat every single (brick) on the beach for liberty, I would say no problem-o.” “Why would someone put (bricks) all over the beach??”

· Ratcatcher 2’s “You bastard!” was changed to “You bad fish!!”

· The entire “Well that’s just racist” exchange was cut.

· Bloodsport: “Why the (blood) would I want a leaf?!”

· Peacemaker’s jerking off taunt was cut. Characters still flip each other off in this cut though.

· Flag and Harley get to say “freaking”, so I don’t understand why it wasn’t used as a blanket censor for the f word instead.

· Harley’s “RIP to that absolutely beautiful monster between your legs” was kept in.

· King Shark’s “FUCK!!” was changed to “Pfflegh!”

· Bloodsport saying “Pissmaker” was kept

· Ratcatcher 2: “Do you want a dozen angry rodents crawling up your (pants)??”

· The 69 joke was kept

· Peacemaker: “MOTHER(TRUCKER)!!”

· Bloodsport’s “Jesus Christ…” was changed to “Holy Moses…”

· Flag’s “Who ate all the empanadas?” has the f word cut and sounds weirdly friendlier in the take they used.

· Harley: “I love the rain~ It’s like angels are (spitting) all over us~!”

· I swear Thinker’s “Sonofabit-!” when he’s getting slammed in the retinal scanner was changed to “Sonofawit-!”

· Thinker: “AMERICAN (GOOD OL’) ASTRONAUTS FOUND STARRO! YANKEE (****) DOODLE DANDIES!!”

· Flag’s “It’s time these sonsofbitches need to be held accountable-!” was changed to “It’s time these (stinkers) need to be held accountable-!”

· Polkadot Man’s “FUCK!!” in response to the others forgetting Milton was changed to “FUDGE!!”

· One of the Corto Maltese generals shouting “Puta!!” was changed to “Nunca!!”

· Economos: “WE’VE GOT A (FREAKING) KAIJU UP (ON) THIS (SCREEN)!!”

· Waller’s whole rant at the squad was censored, so it was hilarious to hear Viola Davis scream the absolutely neutered “FILTH!! TURN AROUND, GOSHDAMMIT! YOU STUPID IDIOTS! LOSERS!! DAMN IT, TASK FORCE X! THIS IS YOUR LAST AND FINAL WARNING!!”

· Flo: “GET ON THE SATELLITE, DALE YOU (FLAMING MEATHEAD)!!”

· And lastly, my personal favorite censorship, only because it actually fits thematically, comes from Polkadot Man’s last words: “I’M A MOTHER(-FIGHTING) SUPERHERO-!!”

[jasper-the-menace]

Jasper's Barely-Hinged Discord Scorpion Rant

Alright, context, I started this rant because I was mad about how the tlincallis (of Dungeons and Dragons second and fifth edition) were designed and handled. I put my foot down at the point where they were reported to have eggs. No, I refuse to accept this.

PLEASE NOTE! While I will not be showing any actual images of real-life scorpions, there will be drawings of them and drawings of fantasy and sci-fi characters inspired by scorpions. Some of them are even weirder-looking than actual scorpions. Fellow arachnophobes, continue at your own risk.

We are also going to be talking about scorpion sex in the context of how they mate and launch babies out. This is my second Tumblr post on the subject and I'm afraid that this might become a repeating pattern. Everyone on Tumblr thinks I'm the scorpion person now.

With that said, have this barely-edited compilation of my feral Discord messages on the subject.

You can tell someone who doesn’t know a lot about scorpions wrote the lore for the tlincallis because there’s a heavy emphasis on egg-laying for their reproduction. Meanwhile, scorpions are one of the only arachnids that give live birth.

I’m not expecting WOTC writers to watch videos of scorpions molting or launching baby missiles over and over again, but I am expecting them to at least skim the Wikipedia article, ya know? I understand that I’m Scorpion Research Georg, but still.

Scorpions fuck weird. Both “sexes” have the same thing - an orfice known as the genital operculum (plural: genital opercula). In order to reproduce, the male will drop a sperm packet on the ground and “dance” with the female to lead her over it. If she’s game, she’ll squat and just kind of vacuum it up into her genital operculum. This is followed by what is called a “mating plug” to keep the sperm inside. The two scorpions will then split away from each other, because scorpions don’t believe in cuddles and aftercare.

Then we get to the actual birth. Or as I like to call it, the Fedex packages.

A scorpion will give birth to between 3 and 100 young, depending on the species - though notably, the size of the scorpion does not impact the number of babies they can have.

The babies are folded up very nicely inside of the mother, and when she gives birth to them, they launch out like little missiles into her waiting pedipalps and front legs, unfold, and then climb onto or are placed onto her back while their next sibling is launched. A mother scorpion is actually a super good parent, and the entire brood will attach to her with little suckers on their tarsi, because they can’t eat or sting yet.

Depending on the species, it will take between 5 and 25 days for them to undergo their first molt - in unison as a brood, taking between 6 and 8 hours - and reach the juvenile stage. Juveniles resemble small versions of the adults and can eat and sting, though they’re still soft and unpigmented. They’ll leave the mother’s back to explore in safety, but then scurry back to her if there’s danger around. Once their carapace hardens and gains color, they can start hunting on their own and will often leave their mother.

A scorpion will undergo an average of 6 molts to reach full adulthood, which, depending on the species, can take between 6 months and nearly 7 years. The average lifespan depends on the species, with some living up to 25 years.

Re: the biological terms I used, here’s a picture and explanation from the Wikipedia article:

1 = Cephalothorax or Prosoma; 2 = Preabdomen or Mesosoma; 3 = Tail or Metasoma; 4 = Claws or Pedipalps; 5 = Legs; 6 = Mouth parts or Chelicerae; 7 = Pincers or Chelae; 8 = Moveable claw or Tarsus; 9 = Fixed claw or Manus; 10 = Stinger or Aculeus; 11 = Telson (anus in previous joint); 12 = Opening of book lungs

Post-coitus cannibalism has never been reliably reported in scorpions.

Scorpions are also kinky fuckers but no one’s ready for that conversation.

So, I will give this much to WOTC writers regarding the tlincallis - most species of scorpions do actively hunt their prey. (Though there are several species that are just sit-and-wait predators.) They are also opportunistic hunters, eating primarily invertebrates but occasionally also going for things like lizards, snakes, and small mammals, though scorpions with larger claws will also go after earthworms and mollusks.

What I will not give them credit for is the method of hunting. A scorpion’s primary hunting tool is its claws. Only large and aggressive prey is given a sting - the method of death is still typically via claw, even in that case.

They also don’t chew. They rip off pieces of their prey and put those pieces in a pre-oral cavity, which uses digestive juices from the gut to start the digestion process. Once it’s liquid enough, it gets sucked right into the gut. Any indigestible matter is ejected at this stage.

They do have an anus separate from the genital operculum, and it runs up into the tail. Scorpions will eat a large amount of food in one meal, and when this is combined with their low metabolic rate and relatively inactive lifestyle, it means that they can survive for 6 to 12 months without starvation.

So no, Wizards Of The Coast, a band of scorpion people would NOT be migratory by compulsion, even if they were aggressive.

And yeah, scorpions are mainly found in deserts, but that’s so limiting. They’ve adapted to nearly every sort of biome and appear all across the world, except in Antartica. So you can literally put them anywhere.

The scorpion is found in Greek mythology (Artemis or Gaia sending it to kill Orion) along with in a page of the Anglo-Saxon Herbal.

Despite the scorpion’s usage in myths, stories, and weapons of war, very few of them are actually capable of killing a human (barring allergy). 25 species out of more than 2,500 have venom deadly to humans. Most of, if not all of these, belong to the family Buthidae, which is the largest family.

Now it’s time for “Jasper analyzes scorpions from different media”! I’ve already dragged the tlincalli for filth, so we’ll pivot to look at another WOTC media: Magic The Gathering.

Scorpions don’t get a lot of rep. At best, they appear as one-off cards. However. Thanks to vising two primarily-desert planes (Amonkhet and the Vorthos-panned Thunder Junction), we have some Guys.

We’ll start with the Scorpion God of Amonkhet. This guy did not used to look like this, but once Nicol Bolas got all up in everybody’s business, he twisted the Scorpion God, Locust God, and Scarab God into giant monstrosities and erased knowledge of their names, even from themselves, and then used them to “harvest” the mortals he had been cultivating to create an undead army. The Scorpion God killed the gods Rhonas, Oketra, and Kefnet, before finally being killed by Hazoret and a group of rebelling mortals.

He is notably the only one of the “twisted” gods to have been killed – the Locust and Scarab Gods both survived, as did Hazoret, and all three defended Amonkhet later from New Phyrexia getting all up in everyone’s business.

(Re: that third artwork, why is he kinda...)

Meanwhile, on Thunder Junction...

Oh, Thunder Junction. If not for the fact that no one in the design and writing department could agree on and work together to determine the right approach to Western tropes, you could have been interesting.

Having said that, the scorpion dragons? Not native to there. Instead, they’re from Gastal, a plane that was mentioned one (1) time back in the day. I’m willing to overlook some questions about these blokes for the sake of blaming the dragon half on everything I don’t think are scorpion-enough when it comes to these guys.

Now, for my third example... I’m going to preface this with the fact that LEGO’s Legends of Chima theme was a problematic mess in hindsight. I still love it with my entire soul, but it was a fucking nightmare.

But within that is the Scorpion Tribe, what is possibly my favorite current example of what you can do with scorpions in a (science-)fantasy setting.

The Scorpions were accidentally evolved with the magic MacGuffin of the series (Chi) thanks to some foolishness going on, and they were the antagonists of season two (or rather, wave two, as they were technically the latter half of season one and the beginning of season two). They’re led by a king, Scorm, and a general, Scolder. And yes, they all stick to the Sc- naming theme, with one exception from the online game.

So, how do you create an anthro Scorpion Lego figure? Like this, of course!

Now, something interesting to note is that because the Chi was not safely introduced to these guys, some of them didn’t “evolve” all the way and still have a scorpion lower body, like a weird centaur. Meet Scutter, posterchild for this, even though his brother Scrug speed-“evolved” to humanoid form.

Something interesting to note is just how flexible and catlike the tails of these Scorpions are. They can flick around and even hold things when curled up.

Another fun thing about Chima is that they don’t put my boys in the desert. Instead, they live in caves in a very hostile jungle. I’m so proud of them.

Analyzing the venom of these guys, though...

Scorpion God = full of god-killing venom

Akul = a "dark curse" that's basically fantasy tuberculosis

Scorpions from Chima = hypnosis mind-control agent that wears off fairly quickly

(Preface for this section: These were random additions that I sent a while later, with little connection to each other.)

Scorpion dads do tend to be deadbeats, but a scorpion mom figure? I would chew that right up.

Re: molting, it is a long, long process, even for something as small as a scorpion. So the bigger they are, the longer it's probably gonna take. It requires a lot of calorie-loading beforehand and can be predicted based on “air pockets” that appear at the sides of the exoskeleton, to give them wiggle room. Scorpions are soft for several days after molting and avoid eating anything until they harden back up.

And did I mention that scorpions glow under ultraviolet light?

So...yeah! Scorpions are so fucking cool, and this is just an overview! This isn't even getting into any particular species! There's just so much to explore in terms of scorpions in fantasy settings, so seeing them reduced to Desert Bad Guy over and over again annoys me.

Put these animals into some situations.

[zootopiathingz]

Don’t mind me ranting about big bang theory for a moment

I really hate how the last episode before the finale ended for Raj and Anu. It felt like such a lazy way to make them break up again. Everybody going “oh but she wasn’t right for you anyway! She doesn’t like romantic movies!” like,, ok??? Isn’t the whole point of the show that opposites attract? Anyway, Bernadette makes fun of Howard for doing magic. Amy constantly calls Sheldon’s favorite shows ‘dumb’. Penny literally tossed all of Leonard’s nerdy merch into storage without his permission. But Anu not liking the same movies as Raj means they weren’t meant to be together??? Make it make sense

[alaydabug2]

I'm in the car and I'm bored en

SO HERES A LIST OF MY MEDICAL ISSUES IVE HAD THROUGHOUT LIFE 😃

Vaugly related to my fanfic

Tetrology of Fallot (tof): congenital (born with it) heart defect that is basically 4 defects in 1 (I do not have the energy to look up or type all those scientific words rn so sorry)

I've had 3 open heart surgeries to fix it o e at 8 days 10 months and 5 years

Died 6 times on the second one 😃

Ngl life isn't too different with it

If you don't count the yearly doctor visits and can't play contact sports

I mean there's more to it that that obviously but it's mainly small things like getting out of breath quicker and I bruise easy because of having to take baby asprin

BUT the doctors ORIGINALLY said I was never gonna be able to walk or talk or do anything for myself

God vetoed that decision 😌

NOW I NEVER SHUT UP 😁

Got a nifty battle scar down my chest as a souvenir ☺️

And I used to be called smurf baby cause I turned blue alot

I make jokes about it now (hush I'm allowed to )

Ngl pretty sure I'm short cause failure to thrive as a baby cause of that 😭

Don't think there's any scientific backing on that tho for tof patients

Imperferated anus + colostomy bag: basically means I was born without a butthole

Not even joking on that i wasnt

But had to have three gastrointestinal surgeries from that

Don't know the ages or many details but I'm pretty sure I was two for the last one

And I had to have a colostomy bag

Thankfully don't remember it

Buy my waste went into a bag that had to be changed out

Ik it got infected so the scar is bugger than it should be

Seizures: if you've read my fanfic that's explained in detail for how it feels

But that was from aged 5-10

We never found the specific reasons for it

But we do hypothesize it has something tk do with possible scar tissue on my brain

Either from a heart attack/stroke/lack of oxygen from my second heart surgery is what we think it could be from

During a seizure my heart would start beating weird (not good description ik but idk how to describe it really) and my vision would start to tunnel out my tongue would tingle and then I'd black out

During a seizure I couldn't hear anything or see anything but my head would completely start to tingle

From my parents I was told during them I would stiffen up and lock my joints and almost seem to hyperventilate

It was control moderately well by medicine but I thankfully do not have them anymore

Hard hearing: im not like deaf or anything nor do I use hearing aids but my hearing isn't what it should be for a normal teenager lol

This is because during one of my heart surgeries they gave me a drug used on horses and a little too much if it at that (ketamine?)

Legally blind: yeah come to find out last year found out my eye sight is actual crap

Without my glasses I am legally blind

I've got 20/200 vision 😭

So I've got these crazy thick glasses now

Tourretts: neurological disorder where I make these random noises and movents

Got diagnosed back in sixth grade

My tics ate ill make various sounding noises (all kinda of variations of a hiccup for visualization) and my head will jerk back

It was awful before we found out what it was

Got picked on for it quite a bit and a certain teacher of mine essentially told me "just stop bro lol" and I'd get sent out of class for it even after we had doctor notes for it

Just get up out of that wheel chair then then buddy ☺️

They'd get set off my certain things

Music being one of them so I would carry around these earbuds when there was music around so it didn't get set off

I'm on medicine now for it and it's a LOT better

And a recent development (in the past 6 months) I've been able to listen to music again!

The tourretts aren't going away tho

If over been without medicine for more than 2 days it's BAD

Ovarian cyst (possible pcos?) : this has happened over this summer so you already got some rants on that lol

Buy I've got an 8cm cyst on my left ovary

Hurts like a beach 😃

In fact this Friday I was holed up in my room hyped up on narcotics cause of it

Fun stuff 🙂

Surgery is supposed to be on October 5th so we'll see how that goes

Yeah so medical history of mine 😃

That's fine

We'll see what comes next to the collection I can add

Also here's some pics of a couple of my scars (that I can show several are in places I'm not keen of people seeing 😅)

That's my colostomy scar

And near the top you can see a scar from a chest tube from my third heart surgery

And here's a really good picture of my heart surgery scar that I have (goes down to under the ribcage)

On my neck you can see a breathing tube scar

At least I think that's what it is

Also the corner of my lip I have a scar from some sort of tube from surgery (can't see it well on camera

Tbh idk what half these tiny scars are from

I just know they're remnants of surgery

Any way I do know kw I have a couple of other chest tube scars

But they are not in places to be shown

Same with a few dimples near my tail bone from gastrointestinal surgery

But those are there too

[littlelovelyspiderling]

H.....bsbsvvsvssvI don't know I I ever did send an ask before.but Uhshshsh I'm still a bit shy to sending asks and stuff — But when I was a teen -----

I loved YOUR tickle stories with Peter!!!! All of the sories makes me so happy!! And giggly— Dialed to Eleven and Stab Deterrent, Doc Oc, tickle monsters, interrogation - OKAY LITERALLY every Spidey tikkie fic is my favourite 🌷💗🌸 I feel like I can say every story off by heart 😭🌸❤️ /positive emotions☁️🤍

I also read your other tkl stories with Zuko and I LOVE THEM TOO

I COUNTED it ✨canon✨ To Peters story cos your writing is the best. Like the best. Of the best. And totally didn't give me lee mood buzzies for days jsgdhdh

You was also my teenhood??? ONE OF my main big Inspiration to even write tkl stories!! WJHEHSHSHS

I saw you post a series now and I was like:

“WHAAAALIYFUTKDUTKDYRKDYRDJYRDRDYYRJSDYRJYRDJYRDJYRDJ“ AAAA. New content to see!! I'm still a biiiiit behind— OvO

Please please please don't let anyone stop your love for. What you do!!! I love your writing so much ❤️

— Lola / Anu ☁️✨⚡💜

WRITER LOVE TO YOUUUUUUUU

Slightly embarrassed...that I ranted that long -

heehee never be embarrassed for long ranting to me, I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT TRULY 😤

awww you’re too kind omggg 😭🩵 i’m amazed you remember all the names of those stories cuz i don’t think even i could at this point lol 😅 im very happy you enjoyed my old peter + zuko fluff content and hope you like the newer longer series i’m currently writing for spideytorch!! it’s more focused on plot & character than my previous ones (plus gay romance heehee) but has lots of cute ticklish!peter moments in it cuz you know i can’t abandon my roots completely 😌

wow so grateful i could be a writing inspiration to you!! ALL THE WRITER LOVE BACK TO YOU BEAUTIFUL FRIEND ✏️♥️✏️♥️

[anumacy]

*casually ignores irl friend because he's being a fucking jerk*

[ramonag-if]

At first i think Prince Irus going to be asshole stoic prince who don't have empathy to anyone but MC and i prepare my MC to punch him in a face already (My MC is proper lady but if she see someone who don't care about the other she going to punch them in a face) but i was really surpire it turn out he was playful(flirty) prince who was stubborn but still have empathy to other and he still respect to other (if they don't make him angry first) it make me like him a little bit untill scene MC fight with Blood Guard i choose MC use her body to shield Prince Irus for dagger and she fight with Blood Guard when Blood Guard stragle MC's neck i didn't think Prince Irus going to help MC it make me like him more, the last one make all my hate for Prince Irus at first disapper it was scene Prince Irus dress MC's wound even MC tell him not to help her and he also said "i know you said you didn't want my help i'm sorry" he make me put my guard down and he make my mc have a crush on him from the first time

But from all of scene i really impress scene Sir Oren bring MC and Prince Irus to temple Prince Irus really uncomfortable about religion but he still determine to learn about it also i love scene when nomad tribes attack boat Prince Irus still with crews even he in danger (not a smart choice but i really have soft spot for leaders who stand with his/her crews when in danger) and i didn't expect Prince Irus to punch enemy in a face and come to grip My MC's face to ask if she okay (she courting with Prince Irus) My MC suppose to have combat skill more then him (My MC combat skill is 75 at that time)

I really like his leadership, Prince Irus still stubborn but unlike some woman around here (Salyra) who ready to throw empathy away if it fit to her own goal, Prince Irus still care to other even if he really care or not but he still show it like when he ask Queen Elora about Vinia or he show guilty feeling after anyone hurt to protect him that make Prince Irus become my favorite characters number two in this game beside Queen Elora (My Number one still be Sargon and Sir Oren) i really enjoy friendship between Queen Elora and Prince Irus i really hope it will have more friendship scene between them (i love when Queen Elora defend Prince Irus's honor when MC's narcissus mother comment about him)

Also i like argue between Prince Irus and Anu and My MC was there to calm both of them down (like i said My MC was proper lady so she can be friendly with anyone even aggressive person like Anu she become Anu friend) i really want big arguement between Prince Irus and Anu someday it going to be fun

Sorry i write a long comment, i really want comment about Prince Irus character for a long time but i think it going to be rude. thank you so much for let me rant, I hope you have a good day today.

Thank you so much for the lovely and insightful take on Irus as a character! I'm so pleased that these scenes have helped shape your opinion of Irus 😊 I really wanted to write a character that could be understood and didn't come off as some snobby prince, so it makes me happy that he managed to melt your MC's heart 😆

There will definitely be more friendship scenes, especially in Chapter 8 towards the end of the chapter. I love writing the friendship scenes as much as I enjoy the romance and smooches, so expect a lot of it going forward!

The attack scene from the Nomad Tribe doesn't really test combat as much, but I suck at combat scenes so I'll probably need to tweak it once I start edits 😅

Thank you again for sending in your kind words! Please don't feel like you're ranting. I really enjoy the long asks sent in 💖

[npcemi]

The long road of how starting a fight with superman over clone parenting eventually lead to Danny Phantom become God Part 4.5 and 5: Aftermath + Promotions and Shattering Mirrors

Superman collapsed to his knee as the other members of the justice league went to his side. Superman couldn’t believe what he just experienced. The league had never faced a threat this powerful. To summon both a black hole and create a star out of nothing. His eyes still hurt from even looking at whatever that thing was-- He knew they couldn’t let a threat like that go unchecked.

Constantine appeared through a portal, “Oh now you show up!” Superman said in an incredulous breath.

“Oh, I’ve been here since King Phantom kicked your ass out a window, I’m just not so cotton headed I’d try and fight the King of the Infinite realms.” Superman scoffed at Constantine’s words and turned to Batman, “Bruce we need to figure out some kind of contingency…” The leader of the Justice League Dark cut him off,

“Oh, fuck no mate, you’re benched. You stick to Metropolis !”

“You have no right!”

“Actually this contract you lot signed when you begged me to be the leader of your precious little supernatural branch says I can!” Constantine summoned a roll of parchment that unrolled revealing the document with the original JLA member's signatures.

“That’s only if one of us angers a celestial angel or some higher-level entity.” Wonderwoman pointed out as the blonde occult detective pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Who do you think is the King…”

“Just because he is the ruler of his own dimension doesn’t mean he…” Constantine really was starting to get what Phantom meant when he called the man of steel an obstinate dick.

“All of the realms, High King Phantom rules over all of the realms. Ours and any in existence. In all of Anu, there is no realm that King Phantom does not have sovereignty over.

Do you really think any of the ancients have time or care to mess about in random realities?

No, they normally have nothing to do with them, do you have any idea of how bad things have gotten? Between the GIW and you Clark, I am honestly surprised our reality still exists. So yes, you are benched!” At the end of Constantine’s rant Superman stood up.

“You really think a piece of paper will…AH!” The man of steel screamed as electricity overcame his body. When it was over he once again collapsed to his knees. Constantine walked over to tower over Superman,

“And you thought the contract you all signed wouldn’t be magically binding, are you daft ?” Constantine then turned to look Bruce directly in the eye. Constantine knew the man too well.

“And you, no looking up or into anything about Phantom!” Batman held his hands up in surrender,

“I promise I will not look up or into Danny Phantom.” Constantine’s eyes narrowed before he turned and left through a portal muttering something about attempting to salvage this situation.

_____________________________________________________________

Jazz Fenton was in a great mood. Her degree was almost finished and she just got a paid internship that would turn into a full-time position once she graduated. She would be a liaison for any cases that involved the infinite realms. Her new org worked with a lot of supers and villains. It was headed by Dinah Lance and Harley Quinn. Most people thought it was a little weird, but she knew that heroes, villains, and even the dead needed help with their mental health.

She was just finishing organizing her desk when her boss called to her and told her to follow.

“Yes, Miss Lance.” She said,

“Dinah, we aren't too formal around here.”

“Right, Dinah.” Jazz said as they both took a seat in Dinah’s office,

“Look, Jazz we have a special case coming in today:” Jazz was surprised they were already letting her work on cases.

“What is it?”

“One of the main league members is being brought in, he’s having some trouble adjusting to the fact he was cloned and according to the leader of Dark, he also angered some supernatural entity and is according to Constantine, the aforementioned leader,  is acting like a stubborn fuckwit who needs to pull his own dick out of his arse.” Dinah read off of the referral form she got.

“I’ll help however I can, when are they coming?”

“Right about now,” Dinah said as a portal opened and John Constantine walked in followed by Clark and Conner Kent. John introduced himself and his tagalongs.

“And this is my associate, Jasmine Fenton,” Dinah said as Constantine’s jaw dropped and he failed to take a puff of the cigarette he had been smoking. “Did you say, Fenton?”

Jazz was about to respond when she looked at Clark. There was something off about the man in glasses. Something that was resonating with her being, like his very soul angered her, and then she remembered who Clark really was under the glasses.

The man who had caused such a bad PTSD episode in her brother that he cried in her arms for over two hours. The man who broke multiple taboos of the infinite realms. The man who hurt her brother. Her movement was faster than anyone had expected and came with more force than would be possible for even most metahumans. In that instance of realization, Jasmine Fenton closed the distance between the man of steel and herself and struck him so hard in the face that he collapsed to the floor in pain, hands to his face. Which was now gushing blood from his broken nose.

“How dare you!” She screamed. Conner and Dinah pulled her back as she continued to scream.

“How dare you ask a ghost about their death, how dare you make the King re-live that pain!” She was about to attack again when she was interrupted when Constantine asked, “Sweetheart, you know you’re glowing green right?”

“Shit!” The redhead calmed as much as she could, she took a device out of her pocket. She turned it on and saw her ambient ecto plasma was higher than normal. She clicked a button and a sensor popped out the side of the device.

She cut her finger with one of her fangs and dropped some blood on the sensor. She was thankful her blood was still red, but it was darkening into a muddy colour with a slight greenish glow. The device told her her blood ectoplasm level was at 8%, way lower than normal. The machine also indicated her heightened emotions and that if she didn’t calm down she might die right there in the office.

“What is that?” Conner asked not caring if his original was still on the ground trying to stop his nose bleeding.

“It’s a device that measures ectoplasm levels. Ambient levels, levels with a particular signature, and blood ectoplasm concentration.” she sighed and calmed down.

“Why do you need it?” Conner asked curiously despite Constantine's glare telling him he was being rather rude.

“I’m a death-leaning liminal, the smelly blonde man can explain later.” She said as there was a flash of flames.

“Jasmine, are you alright?” Everyone turned to see a nearly seven-foot Dracula knockoff with red eyes.

“Yes, I just let my anger get ahead of me, I'm fine.” She said, trying to waive off the ghost who then pulled out a vile of a green glowing liquid and attempted to hand it over to her.

“Vlad, I’m fine.” She said as he put the vial in her hands.

‘I’m sure our loving patriarch would love it if you died because of all of your ectoplasm burning up and became a full ghost before he did.” Jazz begrudgingly drank the vile, knowing how much shit Danny would give her if she died.

“Honestly I don’t know what would cause a normally level-headed young woman to lash out like her feral niece.” Jazz pointed over to Superman who was now in one of the chairs. Vlad scowled,

“Do you want me to take care of that for you?” He said in disgust. Everyone’s eyes went wide at the implied threat, Constantine prepared a portal to run, Dinah prepared to fight and Conner was right behind Constantine. After what he saw in Dani's mirror, he didn’t want anything to do with an angry ghost.

“It’s fine you can leave.” Jazz said.

“Can I expect you all at the Keep this weekend?’ he asked.

“Yes,” She said as Vlad teleported in a flash of flames and was gone. Jazz looked up to see Dinah looking at her wide-eyed. The realization she had just punched a client finally settled in,

“I’m fired aren’t I?”

_______________________________________________________________

Danny heard a knock at the door and went to open it and looking at him was Bruce Fucking Wayne.

“What do you want.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something, and make sure you and Danielle are safe.” Danny immediately moved to shut the man up.

“Shush, don’t say her name or talk about her here, my parents don’t know about her!” Bruce's face softened. Danny led them out of the house and brought them to a more private alleyway, which made the dark knight feel more at home.

“I’m not sorry about what I did to Superman,” Danny said getting down to business.

“I’m not expecting you to be. Both Constantine and I have tried to talk with him before, but now we’re forcing him into therapy. I think you did exactly what he needed.” he was shocked by Bruce's words. Even the Observants yelled at him about what he did, all the clockwork said in his defense was say “Everything is as it should be.”

“Oh, what do you want with me then?”

“My associate oracle looked into Danny Fenton, and we found you live with ghost hunters and were concerned about you and your daughter’s safety.”

“We’re fine.” Danny snapped and Bruce held his hands up defensively before handing him a small card.

“I just wanted you to know if there was anything you need, or if you have to escape we can provide assistance.” Danny looked at the man skeptically,

“So this isn’t like some crazy scheme to adopt me?” Bruce had to rip his earpiece due to the collective volume of the snickers.

“No.”

“Good because that wouldn’t turn out how you think it would.” Bruce gave him a look that told him to explain and Danny sighed.

“A fruit loop named Vlad Plasmius was college friends with my parents. He likes my mom. There was an accident, he was hospitalized and got ghost powers. Many years later he tried to kill my dad, marry my mom, and make me his son. It never worked.” Danny shook his head and continued.

“After I became King, I was able to learn of his obsession with family and love,” Danny remembered how he learned of Vlad’s true obsession, realizing that he must have been alone and abandoned in the hospital room when he died.

“After he shot me in the chest because he was mind controlled. I decided as the more powerful ghost to give him what he desired in a way.” Danny snickered.

“I ghost-adopted him, effectively making him my son as far as ghosts are concerned, he’s much happier now, but he is still a little salty.” Bruce looked at him dumbfounded, Danny was glad Vlad could fulfill his obsession even if it did make him a bit of a mother hen.

“But yea I wouldn’t recommend trying to adopt me.” The rest of their conversation went smoothly and no offers for adoption were made. When they got back to Fenton's works, Jazz and another red-headed woman were sitting at the table. She introduced herself as Barb. They engaged in a basic conversation about ghosts. Until Danny asked,

“How was your first day of your internship?” Jazz sighed with a dejected look,

“I got promoted.” Before Danny could ask why she sounded like that was a bad thing, Jack and Maddie came bursting in showing off their latest captured ghost with proud grins. They were testing out a new time of large containment device that would allow them to study ghosts in real-time.

Jazz’s hands went straight to her mouth, her eyes wide, glowing, and dripping tears of rage. Bruce turned to look at Danny who was wide-eyed as his eyes began to change, his hair whitening as he looked at the small white-haired ghost in the container. He was breathing to try and calm himself down.

“Daddy help!” Danielle screamed as the containment device shocked her.

All light ceased to exist in that room all anyone could see was an endless black.

[lorddeathofmurdermountain]

I really need to share this... THING I left as a YouTube comment

"[Warning - huge The Elder Scrolls cosmology rant that I SWEAR was just supposed to be a funny little joke at one point]

I kinda love the Dwemer as the Precursors trope bc, in lore, the fact that they tried to use the Heart of Lorkhan (aka Shezzar aka Shor aka maybe possibly Pelinal in his past life, the creator deity of the entire world more-or-less, depending on how you look at it) and subsequently just VANISHED is kind of insane. Like they didn't DIE, they didn't actually get TRANSPORTED anywhere, just straight up VANISHED. For real world terms it's like if the very energy that made up their bodies was just… gone. The one and only instance of energy being, for lack of a better word, destroyed. Can you imagine that? That's basically what happened to the Dwemer, and nobody really knows why - the gods didn't actually punish them, nobody really DID anything about them trying to use the Heart of Lorkhan, they just did and subsequently vanished. It's probably the greatest mystery in the whole of Mundus and how do most people react?

"Welp, the Dwemer did a silly and vanished. Who gives a shit, I'm out of Skooma / my son drinks milk / filthy n'wah keep showing up / any other random personal issue." Literally nobody, even the brainiest of brainiacs, gives half a shit. The only thing some people care about is what they can learn from Dwemer tech, and even THEN nobody's thinking about how they could use the automatons as free labor or how steam could revolutionize transportation or any of that shit, instead the only thing anyone ever cares about is typically some magic McGuffin which typically doesn't make any sense whatsoever as to why the Dwemer would even make it.

I mean, again, to reinforce this, every single living being is, to an extent, a divine spirit given form as offspring of the Ehlnofey, who in turn were the offspring of the Aedra (aka the gods), who in turn are sort of the result of Existance Itself (Anu) pondering itself, thus creating it's own Soul (Anuiel) which wished to define itself by defining its own limitations, creating Sithis, then they all fucking ponder themselves so hard they make the et'Ada, one of which was Lorkhan, and then depending on who you ask, Lorkhan either tricked the et'Ada to create the world by pondering their own deaths or by convincing them of the beauty of parenthood or similar. If we follow the "ponder own death" storyline, some of the et'Ada straight up die, others nope the fuck out when they see what's up (among them, most famously, Magnus) and the remaining ones either sacrifice themselves to stabilize the world, essentially BECOMING the physical world or concepts in the world, being now referred to as "World Bones", or refuse to give themselves fully to create the world, choosing instead to populate it with their offspring and becoming the Aedra (also before you ask the Daedra are either the et'Ada who COMPLETELY refused to give anything at all when the world was created but wanted to stick around anyway, reaping all the benefits to no cost to themselves or else are illusions dreamt up by the et'Ada who pondered their own death).

So, mortals are infinitely small fragments of the divine, the One that is Everything, so the Dwemer couldn't have just VANISHED vanished, since they SHOULD still be a part of Anu, but they are nonetheless completely fucking vanished anyway because fuck you. I'm saying they're so thoroughly GONE that NOBODY knows where the fuck they are. At least nobody up to and including the Aedra, the third fucking tier of divinity - we're probably, like, tier 20 AT BEST when we play as the Dragonborn, btw, and that's just bc we have the soul of a Dragon, thereby counting as a descendant of Akatosh, the first ever Aedra. Regular people are probably at like, tier one sjjgillion or something. And the Aedra still (assumedly) have not a clue. Literally the only more divine existences are Anuiel and Sithis in tier 2 and Anu in tier 1, being Literally The Sum Of Everything. Sithis more or less interacts with the physical world via the Dark Brotherhood, at least in the sense that his wife (where is she even from btw), the Night Mother, orders the Brotherhood to murk people for pretty much no reason than she said so and her will is the will of Sithis or whatever. Not relevant - what I mean to say with this is that, essentially, any active actor in the world CAN'T know where the Dwemer went bc then "nobody knows" would be false, so even tier 2 beings don't know. Literally only the Sum Of Everything In Existance, the fucking personification of Before The Big Bang, knows where they went, and THAT tier 1 being is, as far as we all know, purely theoretical in it's existence.

To repeat myself. LITERALLY. NOBODY. KNOWS. Where the Dwemer went. Not even Ultra God knows. Fucking God Squared doesn't know. Only Actually God But For Real This Time MAYBE knows, but we don't know that bc literally nobody can talk to it??? So. AGAIN. NOBODY KNOWS. And your common Nord is more concerned about whether you, a complete stranger, do or don't drink milk."