jasper-the-menace

[jasper-the-menace]

Crochet cat!

[jasper-the-menace]

in a polyamorous relationship with the oxford comma and the em dash

[jasper-the-menace]

This Stupid Fucking Essay by Koda Hayashi

Alright, I spent way too fucking long trying to find some other way to manage this, so essay it is. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, I was never in public school, I don’t know how to write an essay. I’m in extreme pain and sitting up makes me dizzy. Let’s fucking go.

The Book of Firsts: The Maro of Yesteryear is a book from the thirty-fourth floor of the Living Historian Twenty-Third Public Library of Towashi, Kamigawa. It predates the Kami War, a near-apocalyptic event spanning twenty years over twelve hundred years ago. The kanji まろ, “-maro”, is a masculine suffix denoting something that is or was mortal. There are five Maro: Kiyomari, First to Stand; Soramaro, First to Dream; Kagemaro, First to Suffer; Adamaro, First to Desire; and Masumaro, First to Live. This cycle of entities have a level of overall consistency and uniformity in their primary myths, but details differ between each one.

清らまろ (Kiyomaro, “kiyo” meaning “pure” or “clean”) was the first human to become a daimyo. For those reading this (somehow) who are not familiar with what a daimyo is a powerful feudal lord of the old, broken states of what later became Kamigawa under the Imperial Court. There’s a lot more history to it than that, but it’s a functional definition for our needs in this essay. He was so revered by the people he ruled that he became a White1-aligned kami. According to reports from the Kami War, Kiyomaro retained most of his human shape, even during the times when the kami were forced into the mortal realm against their wills. He appeared as an elderly man in long daimyo robes that rippled from an unseen wind with long white hair and an even longer beard. He also glowed with light and a bunch of glowing lanterns floated around his head; most kami appear with smaller aspects around them that are part of the larger kami but can also move on their own. He also apparently had an elaborate horned headpiece, but it varies in shape and design based on reports. He was also quite prolific both pre- and post-kamification (which is not a word but it is now because I hate you personally, Vasro) and had both human descendants and kami descendants (or rather, more specific aspects) during the Kami War. What the reports do not mention, however, is particular names or titles for either type of descendant. As you will soon see, this soon becomes a repeating motif among the Maro.

空まろ (Soramaro, “sora” meaning “sky”) stands out among the other Maro as the only one who was not completely human before his transformation. Instead, he was merely half-human; his other half was soratami. The soratami are a race from Kamigawa who are descended from the moon myojin and resemble light blue- or grey-skinned humans with long, rabbit-like ears and the ability to float and fly around on command. Soramaro was a wizard who studied every form of magic known to the various peoples of Kamigawa at the time and was so revered by his students that he became a Blue2-aligned kami. According to similar reports from the Kami War, Soramaro appeared as a robed jushi (basically, an ancient kind of wizard) but with four arms and his robe turned into a stream of water once it poured over a bowl in his lap. Some reports say he had an extra pair of eyes and his hair fanned out like wings behind him. He was often accompanied by stone lanterns as his minor aspects. Like Kiyomaro, he had many children as both a mortal and as a kami, but most of his mortal descendants were human. Also like Kiyomaro, there are no particular given names, titles, or epithets for any recorded descendant, as though the entire lineage vanished into thin air. Unlike Kiyomaro, there were quite a few pages’ worth of stories about what kind of magical wizard lover Soramaro was in the bedroom. Quite a few pages.

かげまろ (Kagemaro, “kage” meaning “shadow”) stands out among the other Maro for a very different reason: Of the five of them, he is the only one that transformed into an oni rather than a kami. Extraplanar visitors to Kamigawa compare the oni to demons, which is...fine? Technically they’re adjacent, but it’s not as close as demons across different planes typically are to each other. An oni has much more in common with a kami than it does with a Kaldheimr demon or a Therosian demon, which are more similar to each other than either are to oni. Regardless, his transformation into a Black3-aligned oni rather than a kami may have to do with the fact that he was not revered by any followers, but rather that he was the first human who became evil enough to transform into an oni once he became a spirit. This also means that, of the Maros, he had the weakest resemblance to a human. At best, he is still flesh-colored and his many, many hands (fourteen of those bastards at the highest count from reports) are human-ish. He reportedly had a purple sphere for a torso with a skeletal mask on it. The rest of his body was apparently the fattest ass you’ve ever seen. Because he was not a kami, instead of smaller aspects, he just carried a bunch of different weapons to kill you with. Also unlike the others, he had no reported offspring before or during the Kami War, but I found passing reference to a type of curse known as “Kagemaro’s Clutch” that was written about sporadically around the time of the Kami War, but it’s safe to say that knowledge of this curse is, nowadays, either very hidden or very lost.

あだまろ (Adamaro, “ada” meaning “enmity,” “harm,” “jealousy,” or “covetous”) is...kind of weird, not gonna lie. Unlike most of the other Maros, he did not become a kami through reverence, instead being a human warrior who was consumed by his anger and envy; unlike Kagemaro, he was still decidedly a Red4-aligned kami rather than an oni. This is because kami are simply embodiments of the way things are, and sometimes shit sucks. I’d even go so far as to say that shit sucks most of the time. And everyone was absolutely terrified of him. Reports of his appearance are incredibly inconsistent because no one wanted to get close enough to double-check, so he could have anywhere between six and ten arms in addition to weird spouts on his back that expelled smoke. The minor aspects surrounding him also apparently took on the appearance of skinned human heads with their eyes sewn shut. Not exactly the kind of kami you’d invite into your home unless your home life was irreparably fucked. Like Kagemaro, I found no reports of him having children either pre- or post-kamification, but it was repeatedly said in the source book that his very gaze brought destruction to the point where mortal mages would channel that power. Imagine being able to look at someone so hard that they exploded. It’s probably a good thing I don’t have that kind of power.

And finally, 増すまろ (Masumaro, “masu” meaning “increase,” “grow,” or “double”) returns to the pattern seen with Kiyomaro and Soramaro – he was the first human on Kamigawa to live by the ways of the kami, and his people revered him for it so much that he became a Green5-aligned kami himself. He also retained his human form, for the most part, reportedly appearing as a robed budoka (a type of forest monk) and a long, green, grass robe. His face was apparently surrounded by serpentine coils that formed a glowing crown of light across a bald head, while his minor aspects appeared as lotus flowers floating in the air. Also like Kiyomaro and Soramaro, he had descendants that were present for the Kami War on both the mortal and kami sides. Unlike the other two, I’ve found a family name to trace down for the mortal lineage, which I will do later whenever I feel the urge to dive into more fucking research.

So in the end, where does that leave us? Well, I finally took notes on this book without suffering consequences or having the information distorted, which was the entire point of doing this to begin with. And hopefully whoever is unfortunate enough to read this “essay” has learned something about some really fucking niche kami lore. Peace out fuckers, I’m gonna go throw up in the bathroom now.

There, I did your stupid essay in the format you told me to. Eat shit.

Source

The Book of Firsts: The Maro of Yesteryear (57th ed.). (n.d.). The Living Historians.

Here’s your fucking essay, Vasro. Shove it up your ass.

1 White mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with rulership, order, and structure.

2 Blue mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with nerds who make people write essays.

3 Black mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with ambition, selfishness, and woodchipper accidents.

4 Red mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with strong emotions and large explosions.

5 Green mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with the “here and now”, tradition, and nature. And usually snakes too.

[jasper-the-menace]

This Stupid Fucking Essay by Koda Hayashi

Alright, I spent way too fucking long trying to find some other way to manage this, so essay it is. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, I was never in public school, I don’t know how to write an essay. I’m in extreme pain and sitting up makes me dizzy. Let’s fucking go.

The Book of Firsts: The Maro of Yesteryear is a book from the thirty-fourth floor of the Living Historian Twenty-Third Public Library of Towashi, Kamigawa. It predates the Kami War, a near-apocalyptic event spanning twenty years over twelve hundred years ago. The kanji まろ, “-maro”, is a masculine suffix denoting something that is or was mortal. There are five Maro: Kiyomari, First to Stand; Soramaro, First to Dream; Kagemaro, First to Suffer; Adamaro, First to Desire; and Masumaro, First to Live. This cycle of entities have a level of overall consistency and uniformity in their primary myths, but details differ between each one.

清らまろ (Kiyomaro, “kiyo” meaning “pure” or “clean”) was the first human to become a daimyo. For those reading this (somehow) who are not familiar with what a daimyo is a powerful feudal lord of the old, broken states of what later became Kamigawa under the Imperial Court. There’s a lot more history to it than that, but it’s a functional definition for our needs in this essay. He was so revered by the people he ruled that he became a White1-aligned kami. According to reports from the Kami War, Kiyomaro retained most of his human shape, even during the times when the kami were forced into the mortal realm against their wills. He appeared as an elderly man in long daimyo robes that rippled from an unseen wind with long white hair and an even longer beard. He also glowed with light and a bunch of glowing lanterns floated around his head; most kami appear with smaller aspects around them that are part of the larger kami but can also move on their own. He also apparently had an elaborate horned headpiece, but it varies in shape and design based on reports. He was also quite prolific both pre- and post-kamification (which is not a word but it is now because I hate you personally, Vasro) and had both human descendants and kami descendants (or rather, more specific aspects) during the Kami War. What the reports do not mention, however, is particular names or titles for either type of descendant. As you will soon see, this soon becomes a repeating motif among the Maro.

空まろ (Soramaro, “sora” meaning “sky”) stands out among the other Maro as the only one who was not completely human before his transformation. Instead, he was merely half-human; his other half was soratami. The soratami are a race from Kamigawa who are descended from the moon myojin and resemble light blue- or grey-skinned humans with long, rabbit-like ears and the ability to float and fly around on command. Soramaro was a wizard who studied every form of magic known to the various peoples of Kamigawa at the time and was so revered by his students that he became a Blue2-aligned kami. According to similar reports from the Kami War, Soramaro appeared as a robed jushi (basically, an ancient kind of wizard) but with four arms and his robe turned into a stream of water once it poured over a bowl in his lap. Some reports say he had an extra pair of eyes and his hair fanned out like wings behind him. He was often accompanied by stone lanterns as his minor aspects. Like Kiyomaro, he had many children as both a mortal and as a kami, but most of his mortal descendants were human. Also like Kiyomaro, there are no particular given names, titles, or epithets for any recorded descendant, as though the entire lineage vanished into thin air. Unlike Kiyomaro, there were quite a few pages’ worth of stories about what kind of magical wizard lover Soramaro was in the bedroom. Quite a few pages.

かげまろ (Kagemaro, “kage” meaning “shadow”) stands out among the other Maro for a very different reason: Of the five of them, he is the only one that transformed into an oni rather than a kami. Extraplanar visitors to Kamigawa compare the oni to demons, which is...fine? Technically they’re adjacent, but it’s not as close as demons across different planes typically are to each other. An oni has much more in common with a kami than it does with a Kaldheimr demon or a Therosian demon, which are more similar to each other than either are to oni. Regardless, his transformation into a Black3-aligned oni rather than a kami may have to do with the fact that he was not revered by any followers, but rather that he was the first human who became evil enough to transform into an oni once he became a spirit. This also means that, of the Maros, he had the weakest resemblance to a human. At best, he is still flesh-colored and his many, many hands (fourteen of those bastards at the highest count from reports) are human-ish. He reportedly had a purple sphere for a torso with a skeletal mask on it. The rest of his body was apparently the fattest ass you’ve ever seen. Because he was not a kami, instead of smaller aspects, he just carried a bunch of different weapons to kill you with. Also unlike the others, he had no reported offspring before or during the Kami War, but I found passing reference to a type of curse known as “Kagemaro’s Clutch” that was written about sporadically around the time of the Kami War, but it’s safe to say that knowledge of this curse is, nowadays, either very hidden or very lost.

あだまろ (Adamaro, “ada” meaning “enmity,” “harm,” “jealousy,” or “covetous”) is...kind of weird, not gonna lie. Unlike most of the other Maros, he did not become a kami through reverence, instead being a human warrior who was consumed by his anger and envy; unlike Kagemaro, he was still decidedly a Red4-aligned kami rather than an oni. This is because kami are simply embodiments of the way things are, and sometimes shit sucks. I’d even go so far as to say that shit sucks most of the time. And everyone was absolutely terrified of him. Reports of his appearance are incredibly inconsistent because no one wanted to get close enough to double-check, so he could have anywhere between six and ten arms in addition to weird spouts on his back that expelled smoke. The minor aspects surrounding him also apparently took on the appearance of skinned human heads with their eyes sewn shut. Not exactly the kind of kami you’d invite into your home unless your home life was irreparably fucked. Like Kagemaro, I found no reports of him having children either pre- or post-kamification, but it was repeatedly said in the source book that his very gaze brought destruction to the point where mortal mages would channel that power. Imagine being able to look at someone so hard that they exploded. It’s probably a good thing I don’t have that kind of power.

And finally, 増すまろ (Masumaro, “masu” meaning “increase,” “grow,” or “double”) returns to the pattern seen with Kiyomaro and Soramaro – he was the first human on Kamigawa to live by the ways of the kami, and his people revered him for it so much that he became a Green5-aligned kami himself. He also retained his human form, for the most part, reportedly appearing as a robed budoka (a type of forest monk) and a long, green, grass robe. His face was apparently surrounded by serpentine coils that formed a glowing crown of light across a bald head, while his minor aspects appeared as lotus flowers floating in the air. Also like Kiyomaro and Soramaro, he had descendants that were present for the Kami War on both the mortal and kami sides. Unlike the other two, I’ve found a family name to trace down for the mortal lineage, which I will do later whenever I feel the urge to dive into more fucking research.

So in the end, where does that leave us? Well, I finally took notes on this book without suffering consequences or having the information distorted, which was the entire point of doing this to begin with. And hopefully whoever is unfortunate enough to read this “essay” has learned something about some really fucking niche kami lore. Peace out fuckers, I’m gonna go throw up in the bathroom now.

There, I did your stupid essay in the format you told me to. Eat shit.

Source

The Book of Firsts: The Maro of Yesteryear (57th ed.). (n.d.). The Living Historians.

Here’s your fucking essay, Vasro. Shove it up your ass.

1 White mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with rulership, order, and structure.

2 Blue mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with nerds who make people write essays.

3 Black mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with ambition, selfishness, and woodchipper accidents.

4 Red mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with strong emotions and large explosions.

5 Green mana, in this case, is the type of energy associated with the “here and now”, tradition, and nature. And usually snakes too.

[jasper-the-menace]

authors!!

quick question...

[jasper-the-menace]

[jasper-the-menace]

RIP Joann, now what?

I wanted to make a post I could copy and paste and or link when I see folks asking where to buy fabrics when Joann is gone. I sew a lot, generally between 100-200 items a year and I don't do it on a big budget. Stores are not in a particular order.

Notions:

Wawak.com - start here, mostly stay here. Wawak is a supplier for professional sewing businesses and have the prices that show it. I will not pay for gutermann Mara 100 anywhere else. I buy buttons, tools, thread, and most elastic here.

Stitch Love Studio - this is where I buy lingerie supplies https://www.etsy.com/shop/StitchLoveStudio?ref=yr_purchases

Fabric:

Fabric Mart - this is one where you want to sign up for emails and never buy unless its on sale. They run different sales every day and they rotate. Mostly deadstock fabrics but I buy more from here than anywhere else. Fantastic customer service and if you watch you can get things like $6 wool suiting or $4 cotton jersey. https://fabricmartfabrics.com/

Fabrics-Store - again, buy the sales not the full price. Sign up for the emails but redirect them to a folder because it is TOO MANY. They stock linen or good but not amazing quality. https://www.fabrics-store.com/

Purple Seamstress - This is where I buy my solid cotton lycra jersey. They have other things, but the jersey is what I'm here for. Inexpensive and very good quality. If you ask she will mail you a swatch card for the solids. https://purpleseamstressfabric.com/

LA Finch - deadstock fabrics with a fantastic remnant selection https://lafinchfabrics.myshopify.com/

Califabrics - mix of deadstock and big brands, easy to navigate and always seem to have good denim in stock. https://califabrics.com/

Boho Fabrics - good variety, nice bundles. I have also gotten some really great trims from here. https://www.bohofabrics.com/

Firecracker Fabrics - garment and quilting fabrics, really nice selection and great sale section. I've bought $5 yard quilting cottons here several times. https://www.firecrackerfabrics.com/

Hancock's of Paducah - Quilting fabric and some limited garment fabric. AMAZING sale section. Do not sleep on the sale section. This is my first stop when buying quilting fabrics. Usually the last stop too. Not particularly speedy shipping. https://www.hancocks-paducah.com/

Itokri - This is something a little different. Itokri is an Indian business with incredible traditional fabrics. Shipping to the US is expensive, but the fabric is so inexpensive it evens out. I generally end up paying like $30 for shipping. Beautiful ikat and block prints. https://itokri.com/

Miss Matatabi - this is a little treat. This isn't where you go to save money, but there are so many beautiful things in this shop. Ships from Japan incredibly quickly. https://shop.missmatatabi.com/

Lucky Deluxe - Craft thrift store, always has an incredible selection and fantastic customer service. I need to close the tab fast because I never go to this website without finding something I need. https://www.luckydeluxefabrics.com/

Swanson's - the OG of online craft thrift stores, but I find their website harder to navigate. https://www.swansonsfabrics.com

Honorary Mentions: I haven't shopped at these places yet but I have had them recommended and likely will at some point.

A Thrifty Notion - https://athriftynotion.com/

Creative Closeouts - https://creativecloseoutsfabric.com/ being rebranded to sewsnip.com on March 1 - quilting deadstock

Hawthorne Supply Co. - I just got this rec and I think I need to not look too closely or I'm going to slip with my debit card. https://www.hawthornesupplyco.com/

This is not an exhaustive list of everywhere you can buy fabric, or even a full list of where I shop. There are SO many options out there in the world. You also need to think outside the fabric store box. I thrift men's shirt fabrics for quilts and sheets for backing fabric. I don't do a ton of in person thrifting and my local stores don't get a lot of craft materials but every thrift store is its own universe and reflects the community it is in. Go out and find something cool.

Oh and final note: Don't shop at Hobby Lobby.

[jasper-the-menace]

lately ive been imagining bright strobing lights and demonic thoughtforms 24/7 in order to make my psychoscape uninhabitable for any malicious telepaths trying to gain access

[jasper-the-menace]

Discord has added generative AI features to servers.

Here are THREE THINGS you need to do today.

1️⃣ YOUR SERVER

Go into server settings -> roles -> Default permissions

Search for "external apps" and disable it

2️⃣ YOUR FEEDBACK

Access Discord support -> https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/requests/new

Go into Help & Support > Feedback/New Feature Request

Denounce generative AI and request the feature be removed. Bring up privacy concerns for yourself, your data, and for minors.

You will get an automatic reply to this request- PLEASE REPLY TO THE EMAIL TO PUSH IT TO THE TEAM or else it will get discarded.

3️⃣ ON MOBILE

Access your app store

Leave a 1 star review and publicly denounce generative AI and Discord's use of it

Reblog this to spread the word, I'm tired of the enshittification of the things I use in my day to day life.

[jasper-the-menace]

*gripping my hands so hard on a young trans persons shoulders that their bones are about to break*

do not log on to 4chan.com. do not get involved in passing olympics. you will always lose. do not put afab/amab/tma/tme, that is cisgender society trying to know your “real�� gender. you do not exist to please cisgender people. there is no ‘right’ way to be trans. learn your goddamn history, listen to your elders. listen to other disenfranchised groups. listen to intersex people and check yourself for intersexism. listen to trans poc and check yourself for racism. listen to disabled people and check yourself for ableism. be open to learning always. labels are meant to fit you, not the other way around. you are not weird or predatory for simply being attracted to others. you’re fine if you’re not a skinny white twink or a barbie doll. you’re fine if your body is ‘weird’. you’re fine if you don’t have heavy or any dysphoria. it’s okay if you actually don’t want to transition or anything like that. life is worth living at any stage, you deserve to be happy. I SWEAR THAT YOU ARE OKAY!!!!!

[jasper-the-menace]

[jasper-the-menace]

Come and sit by the fire. Soup will be ready soon.

OH FUCK

[jasper-the-menace]

been stewing on an analytical approach to fiction which I call "is this book afraid of me?" and in order to answer this question you determine how hard the book is trying to make sure you don't come after the writer on twitter

[jasper-the-menace]