#answer to why am I wondering this it's nearly 1 am and it's finals season

[shelbystales]

Honor and Blood - Part six

Tommy Shelby x Reader - Masterlist

Read previous parts: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 -

Summary: you are a gypsy and your family lives near Birmingham. Tommy Shelby needs a favor and Johnny Dogs says you’re the one he should ask for. A meeting is scheduled and when Tommy meets you, he is instantly drawn to you.

Have in mind that this story happens in season 1 and the beef the Shelbys had with the Lees was solved before Tommy got the guns.

Warning: Swearing, fluff, mild smut

English is my second language so I apologize in advance for the grammar mistakes

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Street music, champagne and balloons.

This is how you managed to attract nearly fifty people to your store.

The day was almost over and you and your family had already sold two tapestries and a necklace, but you knew it would probably be it. You were gaining their trust first. Making contacts and relationships. You didn't expect to be sold out on day one and as much as it sounds good it wouldn't be good for business

You've allowed yourself a glass of champagne to relax, you've been feeling so anxious about it all.

"Beautiful shop," said a man behind you.

You turned around and thanked him with a graceful smile as you swallowed the champagne in your mouth.

"Are you the owner?" he then asked and you shrugged

"Family business" you replied

"Oh yeah... the Sinclairs" he cleared his throat "the same Sinclair as Duke Sinclair?" he asked and you didn't know what to answer. Of course, it would be something that couldn't be hidden, but if he had anything to do with your father in the past, it would jeopardize you, your family, and the store.

Shit.

"Champagne?" you asked feeling your mouth dry and he nodded. You served him and served yourself another glass "what's your name?" you asked smiling

"Billy Kimber you must be Y/N," he said and you felt disarmed.

He knew about you, so he probably knew about your father. There's no chance of lying yourself out of this.

"How do you know who I am?" you asked trying to keep it social and hide your nervousness

"Well, I know your father. I know all about him" he smiled "I must say you weren't what I was expecting... the ugly old redhead finally did something that he must be proud of" he gently tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear and you smiled shyly not really knowing how to respond to that "Don't worry, I know your dad has a lot of enemies but I am not one of them. He worked for me for a while," he said, noticing your nervousness. You nodded not feeling relieved at all with that information. "Where is he?"

"Somewhere in the north. He's on the road" you answered.

"Hmm, well tell him to come to me when he gets back. I need a chat with him or your brother" he said

"Why my brother?" you asked a bit confused

"He probably must be in charge with your dad gone, yes? Keep up," he said and you smiled 'keep up' oh that was funny.

You bit your tongue letting him believe that.

There was no point in saying the truth you just wanted to cut the conversation short because you saw Polly entering the door.

"Oh, yes. Sure... I will tell him that" you smiled "if you excuse me" he nodded and you left.

As soon as Polly saw you she opened her arms and received you with a hug "Hi love" she said "Full house, hm?" she smiled and you nodded

"Crazy huh? Thanks for coming" You laughed

"I said I would" she smiled

As you pulled away from the hug, you saw that familiar face that made your heart race... and his siblings

"Shit, what is it that you are selling here, drugs? That's a lot of fucking people" said John

"Hi, John" you smiled and hugged him "sorry to disappoint but we only sell tapestry and jewelry” he chuckled “Thanks for coming" you did the same with Arthur and then with Tommy.

"Wouldn't miss it" he whispered in your ear as his hands sneaked to your ass and pressed it for a second. You jumped in your spot and smiled at him, wondering if anyone saw it.

"Now, Y/N," Polly said and you took a step away from him to look at her "where are my earrings?" she smiled

"Follow me. You three..." you turned to the brothers that looked at you "there is free champagne. Don't drink too much" you pointed to where the bottle was and blinked.

They smiled and you walked away with Polly.

"I like her, Tommy," Arthur said walking to get himself a glass, and Tommy nodded. If only his brother knew how much he likes you too. “She’s a good woman” he added

“And hot as fuck” John added drinking his already full cup of champagne.

“Yes, she’s. You, show some respects ey, say that again John and I’ll beat your arse” Tommy said in a sort of a joking tone?

“Shit marking territory already, Brother? poor girl…” John said while shaking his head and then took one of his hands to his forehead making fun of his brother as he smiled.

Arthur gave a little laugh

He kept his eyes on you as you showed Polly and some other women the jewelry you had for sale.

You let them put on the earrings and necklaces as they admired themselves in the tinny mirror you held in your hands.

The women were not that pretty, but you complimented them as well as laughed at their unfunny jokes, and they loved it.

She’s good with people, he thought.

You looked so beautiful.

He did notice you had changed the way you dressed. He didn't care much though. He thought you looked beautiful even when you were covered with dirt and moss.

He also had noticed Kimber's presence but chose to ignore it. He wouldn't do business here, not now.

No, today was about you and your people.

“Psst, Kimber is here” Arthur whispered to Tom

“I’ve seen him” he responded “just keep it casual, ey. Let him come to us”

“What is he doing here Tommy?” John asked and Tommy simply looked in his direction, wondering that himself.

What the fuck was he doing here? He is not the kind to show up at places like this to make a presence or something. Did he have any relation with your family? No probably not, the Sinclairs only did deal with the Lees, he reasoned with himself.

You felt his burning eye on you while you were away, showing Poll and some other clients your jewelry. When you looked at him and your eyes met, his gaze sent shivers down your spine.

Fuck how can he have such power over me, you thought taking a deep breath.

Within no time, Kimber made his way to the Shelby brothers.

"Oh look who we have here," he said approaching "came to support your kind hm?" he said and Tommy could notice a bit of disgust in his voice

"We heard there was free champagne" Tommy shrugged making Kimber smile

"Of course you did," he said not impressed "well, I am on my way out. How is our deal?" he asked

"Strong" Tommy answered

"Good…" he nodded "good, well see you then" he gave Tommy his empty glass “take care of that for me will ya” he winked and left.

Tommy felt anger at his action, treating him like a servant… oh but he would soon have what he deserved.

—/—

Around 8 pm the shop was closed and you were dusting with the help of three other Sinclairs.

Today went very well.

You felt proud not only of yourself but of your family too. They behaved well today and worked hard the past week to help bring the shop together.

Two other Sinclairs helped clean up while another counted the storage, to see if anything was stolen.

Tommy and his family have been gone for a while, but you knew they were probably drinking at the Garrison.

You felt exhausted and your feet were sore. Just thinking about the walk you'd have to take to get home, made them ache even more.

You decided to take a seat and relax a little before leaving.

You leaned your back and head against the wall and closed your eyes for a second, but opened them shortly afterwards as soon as you heard someone knocking on the big front window.

You got up to look around and smiled when you saw Tommy.

"Thought you would still be here," he said as you opened the door and greeted you with a peck

You were taken by surprise, you both hadn’t shown affection for each other in front of other people. At least that was the first time.

"Cleaning up" you smiled

"You done?" he asked

"Almost" you answered and he cocked an eyebrow

"Can you leave?" he asked like a kid that was about to skip school.

"Maybe" you smiled

“Then common” he held your hand and pushed you a little out of the shop.

“Calm down!” you said smiling and stopping to scream through the door “I am leaving, don’t forget to close up!”

“Okay!” one of the others answered, you were not sure who.

You both started walking, holding his hand and enjoying the cold air on your face.

“Today was a good day, hm?” He asked and you nodded

“Yes, it was. I am so exhausted and my feet hurt so bad. Also can we not go somewhere too far, please” you said

“It’s not too far I promise. And when we get there we’ll have to do something about those feet, hm?” he asked and you nodded, not really knowing what he meant mind exhausted enough to even think to ask.

You were at the same place the betting shop was, but this time you were entering a different door

"I thought here was the betting shop” you said as you faced a living room and a kitchen

"It is, through that door," he said and pointed at a door that was half-covered with a huge curtain

“Ah” you mumbled “Is this your home?” you asked and he nodded “where’s everyone?”

“Out” he answered sitting on the couch “come” he tapped the sofa inviting you to sit next to him

“It’s a lovely home” you smiled as you sat next to him “well decorated” you smiled

“Polly,” he said and you nodded.

He put his arm around your shoulders and you snuggled into his embrace. His fingers running through your hair. he left a soft kiss on the side of your head and breathed in your scent.

"I'll lit the fire," he said as he stood up and walked to the fireplace.

You nodded and sat there, watching him doing his task. Before he began he took off his cap and overcoat. You saw his muscles working through his shirt as he carried the firewood.

"Do you want to drink something?" he asked as he took one last piece of wood to the fireplace.

"Sure" you smiled

He cleaned his hands on a small piece of fabric and walked over to serve two cups of whisky.

He quickly swallowed all there was in one cup and walked to you with the other glass in his hands.

He placed his free hand on the back of the couch and then leaned closer. His gaze never leaving yours. He handed you the glass and as soon as he did he kissed you slowly and tenderly. Holding your chin up with his cold hands as your tongue danced with his.

He left one last peck on your lips before he moved away. You smiled at him and sipped your drink

He took a lighter and started to lit the fire with tiny pieces of paper ad some whisky. He was doing it wrong, you thought there was an easier way. but you chose to let him do it. Too tired to intervein.

As soon as the fire was lit he walked back to you to sit by your side again and surprised you when he took one of your feet into his hands.

"What are you doing?" you asked trying to push it away and place it back on the floor but he held it.

"You said they were sore," he said taking off your shoe but you moved to stop him once again. He place one of his hands on your thigh and said "let me take care of you, love. Don't worry, ey"

You nodded and allowed him to take your shoe off. His calloused hands roamed your feet as he pressed slightly on the right spots. Massaging it, making the discomfort go away.

You relaxed on the sofa settling into it. You let your head fall back and exhaled.

"Feels good?" he asked

"Too damn good" you answered

The living room was already cozy and warm by the time he finished both the massage on both feet.

"Thank you," you said sitting up to look at him

"Whatever you need, love" he caressed your cheek. You smiled and kissed him.

"And when are we going to talk about what you need, hm?" you asked with a mischievous grin as one of your hands made way to his groin.

He smiled at you and you kissed him once again.

In a matter of seconds, you felt the volume grow inside his pants.

"You hard enough for me already?" You asked teasingly

"What can I say? you have an effect on me," he shrugged and you chuckled, enjoying what you heard.

You opened his zipper and moved to kneel in between his legs. He held his waist up as you pushed his pants and briefs down, freeing his rather large cock.

Fuck, you thought seeing his size. Feeling more and more anxious to have him now.

You started to caress his cock, with a firm hold of it. Spreading the precum all over it

He smiled slightly at the sight of you. He'd been daydreaming about you in between his legs or rather bent over his bed while he fucked you. Sometimes even his nightmares were calmed by the sight of you or somehow by the idea of having you

You started to leave small kisses on his head. Teasing a bit.

He took his hand to your head, fixing your hair so he could hold it all in one hand.

You smiled seductively and licked the head before taking him into your mouth.

Thomas let his head fall back for a second enjoying the feeling of your mouth.

You moved your head slowly as you sucked him.

“Fuck… that feels so good, love” he said, his voice deeper than ever. He raised his head and looked are you “show me what that sweet mouth of yours can do, ey”

You took him deeper in your throat, at first just adjusting to his size. The second time you took him further deep and let him there for longer.

“Fuck that’s it” he mumbled as response

“You like that,hm?” You asked as you breathed a little before taking him back into your mouth. You were not used to dirty talk but he seemed to be into it so you made and effort.

“You have no idea, love” he said

You eventually found a rhythm. And when his grip on your hair tightened while he appeared to have a hard time keeping his waist still, you knew he was close.

Your suspicions were confirmed when he said out of breath “I’m close, love”

You took a deep breath at took him deeper. Feeling him against the muscles on your throat. You caressed his balls at the same time.

He breathed out soundly as you took his length out of your mouth so that you could breath.

“Just like that, love” he said with his eyes closed.

You only had to do it two more times until he came in your mouth.

“Fuck” he grunted breathless as his body shivered and his orgasm washed over him.

You tried to swallow it all soon as his seeds entered your mouth, trying not to make a mess but you failed and his cum dripped out of your mouth, especially because you keep moving your head slowly as you allowed him to be overwhelmed by the feeling of your touch.

“Such a good girl” he caressed your cheek and you smiled releasing him “didn’t think you would want to do that” he added as he cleaned the dripping cum on your chin with his thumb.

“Why not?” You asked as You cleaned your mouth and sat back on the couch.

He let his back fall back into the sofa. He tilted his head to look at you “Most women don’t” he said and shrugged. you frowned.

Why the fuck was he comparing you to other women he had sex with just right after you sucked his fucking dick?

“Well I’m not most women and don’t you ever say that again” you said angrily.

“You got mad?” He asked cocking an eyebrow but you didn’t answer. You looked away

Of course you got mad what if you said that to him? Most men don’t. Was that what you were? Just another one he would add to his most women do?

“ey” he reached to you and touched your arm caressing it “what is it, love? Are you jealous?” He chuckled

Was he trying to make it worst? You thought rolling your eyes

“Fuck off” you warned him and stood up. He frowned and quickly sat up and closed his zíper realizing now that maybe he didn’t read the situation right.

You walked over to the kitchen to get a glass of water and clean your face properly.

He came right after you

“What’s wrong?” He asked

You shot a deadly look at him and shook your head.

“Were you thinking about the other women when I was sucking your fucking dick? Comparing me all the way through?” You asked and he shook his head

“No… why the fuck would I?” He shrugged as you cleaned yourself with a napkin

“Then why would you say that?” You asked

“I just answered your question” he shrugged again.

Were you overeating? Was it your self conscious mind playing games with you?

“Ey, common, love…” he approached you “are you really mad?” His hands roamed over your lower back

“I didn’t like it. I don’t like being compared to others Tommy” you answered

“You don’t?” You shook your head “Ok, I won't do it again. But... what if I told you that that was the best blowjob a woman has ever given me, would you be mad?” He teased you pressing his body against yours

“As far as I am concerned you don’t receive it often because most women don’t” you mocked and he smiled and pulled you into a kiss.

You kissed him back. Choosing to ignore whatever just happened. Maybe you overreacted, but even if you didn’t it was not a fight worth stressing about. So you gave into the kiss.

As he kissed you he could still taste himself on your lips and tongue.

He pressed you against the kitchen counter and you could feel the fire inside you starting to grow again.

“I’ve to go home” you said

“Sleep ‘ere” he said and kissed you again. You shook your head

“I can’t… maybe another day” you smiled and he nodded.

“Ok, I’ll take you home” he said and as much as you tried to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, he insisted.

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[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

[sunwoo-hoo]

↣ school blues

↳ a/n: here it is anon! i hope you don’t mind i altered the request a little bit. this was seriously one of my favorite requests to write so far so i genuinely hope you like it just as much as i do! 

↳ requested? yes

↳ genre: fluffyyy + hint of humour 

↳ send me a request here! 

↳ word count: 1.6k

↳ summary: haruto x female reader (best friends) highschool au where you both are oblivious to each other’s feelings until a friend points it out. 

「 7:00 AM 」 You jolted awake hearing the annoying sound of the alarm clock. You couldn’t believe it, summer was officially over and it was time to go back to school. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure, you hated waking up really early in the mornings, and sometimes even skipping breakfast just so you could have those extra 10 minutes of sleep. But you realized it was all worth it when you got to see him. Watanabe Haruto your best friend for nearly 6 years. Was today finally the day you would tell him how you feel? No, you couldn’t. You didn’t want to destroy any possibility of ruining your friendship. He was everything you could ever want in a best friend, loyal, funny, always looking out for you. 

Could you really risk it? 

You sighed looking at your alarm clock when you realized you were staring at your ceiling for nearly 5 minutes. You reluctantly got out of bed getting ready to start your day. Once you showered, brushed your hair and teeth you decided to put on subtle makeup. I wonder if he’ll notice. Once you finished your morning routine you quickly gave yourself a once over in the mirror before leaving walking to Haruto’s house. 

You had to admit, even though school was back in session you couldn’t deny how autumn was one of your favorite seasons. The crispiness in the air, how the leaves felt under your feet walking. It wasn’t too hot or too cold, it was perfect.

Finally reaching Haruto’s house you gently knocked on the door when his mother answered. 

“Oh! [name] don’t you look nice” she said smiling warmly at you. “Haruto should be down any moment, I almost had to drop a bucket of water on him this morning because he didn’t want to wake up” she blurted laughing. Joining in with her laughter you couldn’t help but think of being in that same situation when you woke up. 

When he finally came down the stairs you couldn’t help but stare at him. You were in shock on just how much he changed over the summer growing in at least 6 inches in height, nearly towering over you. His black hair was the perfect length resting against his forehead. His skin a milky white with no flaws what so ever. His lips which were not to big and not too small. The healthiest shade of pink. He was perfect.

“Earth to [name]! C’mon we’re gonna be late” he chuckled waving his hand in front of your face. You blinked losing your train of thought. 

“Oh r-right” you mumbled

He grabbed your hand without a second thought pulling you out the front door as you faintly heard his mother shouting “Have a great day!” 

You finally made it to school when you both saw your mutual friend Park Jeongwoo who you met through Haruto.

He was just as handsome with his tanned skin and charming smile but he was always like a brother to you. 

“It’s about time you two made it, class nearly starts in 15 minutes”  said Jeongwoo.

“We would’ve been here earlier but [name] was day dreaming again” Haruto smirked

You nudged him with your elbow “I was not!” you nearly shouted. He raised his hands up in defeat “Sure... whatever you say” he replied sarcastically pushing your buttons. You were about to retort with a snide comment back when Jeongwoo interrupted you both.

“I swear you two are like an old married couple” you glared while Haruto simply shrugged his shoulders. 

You then heard the warning bell letting you know that you had to be in your first class in 5 minutes. You quickly said your goodbyes to Haruto since you and Jeongwoo had your first class together. 

Once Haruto was out of sight and ear shot you pinched Jeongwoo “Ah-Hey! What was that for?” he grumbled rubbing the spot where you pinched.

“Why would you say that in front of him?” you hissed. Realizing what you meant Jeongwoo replied “[name..] it’s been nearly 6 years you have to tell him how you feel before someone else’s does” he reasoned.

You sighed looking down at the ground “I just can’t okay? I don’t want to ruin what we have”. 

His eyes soften at you, he was in a tough spot. You and Haruto were his best friends, you two just needed that little nudge. He smirked at himself when he realized what he needed to do. 

You panicked when you heard the bell, you were officially late to class now. You quickly grabbed Jeongwoo sleeve and made a run for it. 

「 11:30 AM 」 Your morning classes were one big blur, but you smiled when you heard the bell ring indicating that it was lunch time. You quickly went to your locker to exchange your books for your next classes before heading to lunch. Doing it early so that you didn’t have to run straight after eating. Opening your locker your eyes nearly missed the piece of paper that fell out onto the ground. You were confused but picked it up anyway opening it. 

「 Dear, [name] meet me by the courtyard after school by 4:00 there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. 」  

Could it be? Was it really Haruto? There’s no way, did he know your feelings? But how did he find out? your mind was going a mile a minute until (speak of the devil) you heard Haruto interrupting your thoughts. 

“[Name!!] this is the second time today I’ve had to bring you back to reality. Do I need to take you to the nurse?” he teased 

You quickly crumpled the piece of paper in your locker before closing it shut. You rolled your eyes playfully “No, I’m just thinking about what I want for lunch” you replied.

He smirked “Me too, I’m starving let’s go. Jeongwoo already got us a table”. 

What was suppose to be an easy going lunch with your two best friends your mind could only think of the note you received in your locker. Your body becoming extremely anxious. You were hungry before but now food was the last thing on your mind. 

Haruto definitely took notice because once lunch was over he handed you a ziploc bag of fruit saying “You didn’t eat anything the whole lunch period. Are you sure your okay [name]?” he asked genuinely worried about you.    

You gave him a faint smile “I promise I’m okay, it’s just first day jitters” you lied. 

Haruto didn’t believe you in the slightest but he knew whatever it was you would tell him when you were ready. He gently moved a strand of hair that had gotten loose during the hectic day behind your ear before replying “If you say so [name] just promise me you’ll eat some fruit in your next class okay?” he pleaded 

You looked up at him and smiled brightly “Of course”

“Good, c’mon I’ll walk you to your next class”. 

「 4:00 PM 」 You couldn’t believe it you made it through the end of the first day back to school. You wanted to jump in excitement but it also meant you were finally going to face your secret admirer. What if it wasn’t even Haruto? That would’ve been the worst case scenario. Should you even go? No, enough was enough. You decided to face your feelings if it was Haruto or not.  

You waited until most of the students cleared out for the day before heading to the courtyard. You sat by a nearby bench waiting  apprehensively. Your heart started to race, your palms were starting to become sweaty and that’s when you heard him.

“[name?]” you turned your head and saw him. It was Haruto. You smiled “So it was you?” you wondered.

He looked at you confusedly “What do you mean? I got a letter saying that a girl liked me but I thought it was joke” 

Your then felt your heart sank, but none of it made sense. You got the same letter but the context was entirely different. 

You got up and walked towards him, it was now or never. No backing out now. 

“Haruto... I do like you, hell, I love you. Ever since we met I knew you were the one for me. You’re my best friend, my partner in crime. You’re who I think of the minute I wake up and my last thought before I go to bed. I-I..” you rambled 

He smirked grabbing your hand pulling you close, your mind couldn’t even comprehend when he leaned down and crashed his lips onto yours. It was everything you thought your first kiss would be. Sweet, passionate, comfortable. Usually first kisses were horrible and awkward but with Haruto everything felt right. He brought his free hand up to your neck deepening the kiss. 

When you finally broke apart you looked up at him. 

“I’ve always loved you too [name]... I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I didn’t think you felt the same way” he revealed.

Hearing those words your body finally felt relaxed you softly laughed at him. He smiled in return.

He was about to give you another kiss until you both heard the sound of clapping coming from the trees.

You both whipped your head and saw none other than Jeongwoo walking towards you and Haruto. That’s when you realized it, hitting you like a bolt of lightning it was Jeongwoo. 

“IT WAS YOU?!” you screamed at Jeongwoo 

He laughed and responded “Of course it was me [name] you both are so oblivious. Aren’t you glad I gave you both the push you needed?”

You only glared at him while Haruto playfully shoved Jeongwoo. 

Next thing you knew all three of you started to laugh, Haruto pulling you in close once more.

You couldn’t believe how from one school day you got everything you had always hoped for. Looking at both your best friends you thought to yourself. 

This was going to be your best year yet.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* © sunwoo-hoo 2 0 2 1  ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[krappykawa]

ಌ i mildly like you more than like (p.1)

— in which an incessant fan girl, a kiss, and a little bit of denial makes oikawa tooru realize he might mildly like you more than like

description. you’ve been in love with oikawa tooru for longer than you can remember. having known him for the better part of nearly 11 years, you’ve come to accept that you’ll never be more than a best friend to him. but with the help of a few irritatingly persistent fangirls and a kiss that was only meant to drive them away, a tale of unrequited love might just prove to be something more. 

warnings. language

word count. 4.2k

oikawa tooru x f!reader, childhood best friends to lovers, fluff, some angst

parts. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

author’s note. i started writing this a few weeks ago and it was originally just going to be a one-shot but it got almost up to 10k words so i just decided to split it up HHSKFJ

Oikawa Tooru has perhaps one of the strongest drives when it comes to hard work. 

His tenacity is a thing of nature, something that awes you time and time again, no matter how many times you’ve seen him pick himself up before. It might be one of the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place. 

But despite how in-tune he is with his senses on a mental standpoint, his Achilles’ heel lies with his inability to pick up on the signs his body gives him when it's had enough. Well, he can, but he just chooses not to listen. 

His first encounter with a crack in that heel came in his first-year, where you had to stand on the sidelines and watch as he fell to the ground during a game with a resounded sweep of gasps around the gym. That injury benched him for more than half the season. 

It was from that point on that you and Iwaizumi decided that if Oikawa wasn’t going to take care of his own body, then it would be up to you two to make sure his head is still above water. 

So it doesn’t surprise you when your phone flashes with a text message from Iwaizumi during one of your shifts at the bakery. 

1 new message: iwa (´,,•ω•,,)♡

Received: can you come pick up shittykawa

“Tooru?” 

A figure sits slumped against the benches in front of Aoba Johsai high, his eyes closed as he lays back. There’s something beautiful about the way that he looks almost ethereal in this relaxed state, the most relaxed you’d seen him in months. When he hears his name from your lips, he slowly blinks and sits up, the aura of relaxation falling from him. 

You almost regret having said anything in the first place when he puts up his guard the moment he sees you.

“Y/N-chan!” An easy smile falls between his lips, one that could’ve easily fooled anyone else. He always was very good at portraying happiness and contentment, especially when he’d been followed everywhere by people that only really want to see Oikawa Tooru, popular ladies’ man with charm that could make your mother swoon. 

But you’re one of the select few that knew him before he learned that his charm was a crucial asset in his arsenal. You knew him at his highs and his lows, so the convincing smile on his lips doesn’t convince you in the slightest. That’s because you notice the way his arms seem to sit limply in his lap and the way his eyes convey fatigue rather than joy. You also know that Iwaizumi called you here for one thing. 

“Don’t Y/N-chan me. Iwa texted me.” 

Oikawa’s facade seems to fall at that, replaced with a troubled expression. He brings his right hand up to wipe at his face in frustration. “Listen, I don’t know what he may have said, but he’s exaggerating. I’m fine.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. He can’t seem to meet your eyes. “Well, that’s a lie considering that you’re out here right now and not in that gym,” you say matter-of-factly. 

“He physically dragged me out here!” Oikawa whines, throwing his hands in the direction of your school’s gym. 

A bemused chuckle leaves your lips as you move to sit beside him on the bench. Oikawa moves his bag to give you more room to sit, but you don’t move any closer. “And when has that ever stopped you?”

Oikawa getting kicked out of practice by Iwaizumi and even on select days, by their coach, is not an unusual occurrence. Iwaizumi has forcefully dragged Oikawa out of the gym before. Each and every time, Oikawa just marched right back in, despite Iwaizumi’s rage and his coach’s warnings. Even when his extra practice hours cause detrimental effects to his knee, Oikawa never seems to back down. 

It was something both you and Iwaizumi had grown used to in your years of friendship with Oikawa -- his incredibly stubborn determination to somehow work himself to the point of bad health. 

That’s how you know something different has happened today, because Oikawa is sitting out here on a bench rather than arguing with Iwa about how “a few more serves won’t hurt him!” (though they most definitely do, and Oikawa never seems to learn). 

You turn your head to look at him. He’s quiet now, though he still doesn’t meet your eyes. His gaze is instead focused on a dog that’s running in the park opposite the school. You know that he’s avoiding confirming your accusation. 

When it doesn’t seem like he’s going to talk anytime soon, you sigh. “All I’m saying is that if you really believed that you were fine, you would be using all your blood, sweat, tears in order to find a way back into the gym. Especially since the qualifiers are coming up.” You lean back against the bench as well, letting your eyes watch the dog happily run with its tongue lolling out of its mouth. “But instead you’re here, sitting on a bench in the afternoon. And from the looks of it, you had no intention of heading home.” 

He still doesn’t turn to look at you, the only indication that he even heard you is the mild tick in his jaw. You try not to think about how perfectly sculpted his side profile is.  

When he finally does speak, he still avoids your accusation of his fatigue and instead asks, “Why did Iwa-chan call you here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be working at the bakery?”

You shrug. “Business was slow. Besides, my boss likes me enough to let me go early today. He said I’d have to work overtime this weekend though.” 

At that, he finally turns to look at you. In the split second that you glance at him, you catch the guilt in his gaze before he looks away again. “You shouldn’t have come. You already overwork yourself being the only decent baker besides your boss that works there.”

A smile spreads on your face, your tone teasing. “Oikawa Tooru wants to talk to me about overworking myself?”

“I’m serious. You work too hard at that bakery for the measly amount that they pay you. Don’t think I don’t notice the way you try to cover your under eye circles with makeup.”

You feel your stomach jump, the familiar feeling causing your lips to tug upwards lightly. Tooru has been one of your best friends ever since you moved into the house across from his when you were seven years old. You hadn’t known when it happened, but you had come to school one day last year and just suddenly knew that your feelings were no longer limited to platonic when it came to the brown-haired volleyball captain. It’s in moments like these where you wonder how he hasn’t managed to figure your feelings out, considering how observant he is of everything else about you. 

“Yes, well I’m sorry that we can’t all look like we spawn from a god like you do. It’s seriously unfair how you can still look like that when you get even less sleep than I do.”

There’s only a hint of teasing in his voice when he says, “You think I look that handsome?” He turns to face you again, and this time there’s a blink of surprise lurking in his chestnut eyes. Especially now, with the sun casting golden glows on his hair and skin, he looks beautiful to you. 

Painfully, it reminds you about how unrequited your feelings are. Not that Oikawa has ever outright rejected you or even acknowledged knowing anything of your feelings, but him reciprocating your feelings didn’t even cross your mind as a possibility most days. Not with the group of girls that are always vying for his attention; not when his ex-girlfriend was what everyone thought was his perfect match; not when he hadn’t even attempted a committed relationship since Yua-san broke up with him all those months ago.

“Y/N?” His voice drags you out of your train of thought. You realize that you had been staring at him this entire time. 

You play off your thoughts with a roll of your eyes and turn your head back towards the park. “No,” you lie. “I just hear comments like that from your fan club all the time.” 

He nods lightly, his eyebrows creasing. “Right. Right, of course.” You’re about to ask about the odd tone in his voice when he speaks again. “You never did answer my question. Why did Iwa-chan send you here?”

“He wanted me to make sure that you actually went home instead of finding somewhere else to practice,” you say. A chuckle escapes your lips. You’re happy for the change in topic. 

“I am not that hard-headed!” You raise a brow at him. He pouts. “Fine. Maybe a little.”

“A little?”

“Oh come on, Y/N. Now you’re just being mean!”

“Yeah well, it’s payback. You’re a real pain in the ass.”

“In your ass, I hope.” 

You try to keep the blush from your cheeks as your mind takes you in a completely different direction. Suddenly, the space between you two seems too small. “You might want to rethink what you just said.” You try not to stare at his mouth as it falls open, your mind still invading your thoughts with images that you should not be fantasizing about when he’s sitting right beside you. 

“Wait.” Oikawa’s eyes go so comically wide that you almost forget your own embarrassment. “Jeez, that did not come out in the right way. Not right at all.” For what seems like the millionth time, he looks away from you, though this time it seems to be out of his own mortification over what he just said. There seems to be a blush to his cheeks, but you very well might have just imagined it. 

You let out a laugh, your arms coming up to clutch at your side. “I cannot believe that you’re supposed to be the big hotshot volleyball player that every girl has a crush on. There is not a charming bone in your body. I refuse to believe it.”

Oikawa lets out a small chuckle. “I don’t have to charm you when you already love even the uncharming parts of me. But if anyone asks, I am completely perfect. There are no uncharming parts to Oikawa Tooru. Don’t you dare spread false rumors, Y/N-chan!”

An amused snort leaves you at his last three sentences, but you decide to respond on the first part of his words. “Me? Loving you? Very unlikely.” You tease, trying your hardest to keep a straight face when Oikawa begins to pout. 

“If you don’t love me after all these years I will actually start crying right now and then those girls that follow me everywhere will come for your blood for making me cry.”

You chuckle again, catching yourself before you roll your eyes again. Next to you, Oikawa has his arms crossed with a convincing pout sitting on his lips that makes him look like a child. You smile despite yourself. “Okay, okay keep the dramatics to a minimum.”

“Then say it.”

“Say what?

“Say that you love me.”

You feel a small pang as you plaster a smile on your face. “I mildly like you more than like,” you say, not really sure if you’d be able to say those three words to him at this point in time. Not when you know that they’re true.

Oikawa’s pout deepens, but you’re adamant on not saying more. 

“That’s all you’re getting from me, Crappykawa.” Suddenly you find yourself amused at the way you managed to sound exactly like Iwaizumi. It hadn’t occurred to you that you’d spent so much time with him.

“Call me pretty and I’ll drop it.”

“You’re so needy sometimes, you know that?”

“Very much aware, Y/N-chan. As if you and Iwa-chan would ever let me forget.”

An eye roll comes easy to you and this time you don’t try to stop it. At this point, an eye roll is almost like a natural reaction to anything Oikawa says. “Fine. I’ll admit you’re not bad too look at.”

“Not great, but I’ll take it,” he concludes. “I can slowly feel the crack in my ego being restored.”

“If you want to be complimented please go seek out the never-ending stream of girls and guys that come your way hoping for even an ounce of your attention.” You hope that he doesn’t notice the mild bitterness in your voice. “I’m almost positive that they’ll be willing to tell you just how pretty you are and how everyone in the world should be in love with you.”

“They should be, shouldn’t they?” Oikawa bemuses.

A laugh leaves your lips despite your efforts. “You are insufferable sometimes. I don’t understand why I’ve kept you around for so long.”

“There you go with the insults again,” he tskes. “Have you and Iwa-chan been spending time together without me?” 

“Iwa and I are friends you know?”

“Yeah but you’re supposed to be my best friend,” he pouts. 

“You already said that line to Iwaizumi yesterday when he opted to carry me instead of you.”

“Yeah, well … I met you before he did!”

“Because you threw a volleyball at my head!”

“It was an accident!”

Laugher spills from both of your lips at the memory. It isn’t until Oikawa’s hair brushes upon your shoulder during his laughter that you realize that the space between you and Oikawa had increasingly gotten smaller. He’s so close that your thighs are only centimeters apart. 

As your laughter dies down, Oikawa’s bubbly personality begins to slip once more and the fatigue on his face becomes more evident. Eventually, he rests his head on your shoulder. You feel your stomach flutter pleasantly at his proximity. Even now, you can smell the cologne he regularly wears, the one you helped pick out back in first-year that he’s worn ever since. 

Once the silence lasts for a few moments, you finally attempt to ask him about practice once more. “Are you finally going to tell me why you didn’t fight back when Iwa threw you out of practice?” 

He sighs. “I guess you can say that I’m a little bit tired. Plus my knee hurts like all hell has reigned down.” His voice is so much different from just moments before that it’s hard to believe that they come from the same person. 

“You’re exhausted,” you say. It’s not a question, but more of a definite statement. 

“More or less,” he responds quietly. 

This time, it’s you that sighs. “Just … be careful. I get that you want to beat everyone and go to Nationals, but you’re no good to your team if you fuck your knee up so badly that you can’t play.”

“This year is our last chance,” he mumbles. “I just don’t want to look back later and wish that maybe I’d practiced just a little more.”

“You can’t beat anyone if you’re sitting on the bench from an injury that you got from overworking yourself.”

Oikawa winces at the tone in your voice. You almost feel guilty. Almost. 

“You’re going to work yourself to death. Iwaizumi and I aren’t just going to stand by and watch you dig your own grave,” you say softly. “For his sake, at least. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“I’ll try,” he says. For some reason, you believe him.

The two of you sit there in silence once more, the wind blowing lightly on your hair and the sounds of a busy town echoing around you. You wish that you could bottle this moment up and keep it with you forever, even if it’s only a testament to how much Oikawa values you as a best friend and nothing more. 

The thought makes your stomach drop in the slightest bit. It’s usually easy to contain your depth of feelings for Oikawa when the air around you two is lively and joking, but you’ve found over the years that quiet moments like these are the ones that really tear at your heart. 

He’ll never know the extent of your feelings for him, and you’re too afraid to wonder what would happen if he did know. 

Oikawa turns his head only slightly to look up at you while still continuing to lean on your shoulder. “You okay?” 

You give an almost imperceptible nod. “We should head home. I don’t know what Iwaizumi might do to you if he finds you out here after practice ends,” you say. 

Oikawa nods and detaches his head from your shoulder. 

The two of you have only walked a couple of meters when you hear a group of girls squeal from not too far away. Oikawa tenses from beside you. 

“Your fanclub found you,” you say.

“I’m aware.”

He doesn’t make any move to look back at them or stop. Instead, his pace seems to speed up. 

You furrow a brow. “You don’t want to talk to them? Thought you loved their attention?”

“Ouch. You really know how to wound a man, Y/N-chan,” he says with a small smile on his lips. You take notice of the weariness in his features. “But while I do enjoy them feeding my very justified ego, I am far too fatigued to deal with them.”

You nod and continue to walk beside him. The less interactions he has with his fan club, the better your mood will be. Besides, you weren’t going to fail Iwaizumi by not doing the one thing he asked you to do and not take Oikawa home. 

A giggle reaches your ears once more, and you sneak a glance behind you. The girls are talking amongst themselves, but still obviously walking in the direction you’re headed in. 

“Well, what do you wanna do? Cause they’re coming.”

Oikawa sighs and you notice a tick of irritation in his clenched jaw. You can see a million thoughts going through his mind, but before you can ask him about them, he reaches out to grab your hand.

“Is this okay? I’m just hoping that they’ll leave me alone if they think that you and I … uhm.”

Oikawa’s hands are long and calloused, but they feel nice as his fingers intertwine with your smaller ones. You try hard not to let the little gesture get to you. “Yeah … yeah of course.”

The two of you fall into silence again, mostly due to his fatigue and your inability to form coherent words that don’t have to do with his hand in yours. You’ve held hands with Oikawa before, but it was never with the intent to make you two look like a couple. You wish more than anything that he would break the silence before you blurt out something that you don’t want to. 

Your wishes are answered when Oikawa asks, “They’re still following us, aren’t they?” Oikawa still doesn’t look back as he says it.

In your short reverie you had forgotten about the girls behind you. You sneak another glance at them and find that Oikawa’s assumption is correct.

“Yeah, they are.”

Oikawa makes an incoherent noise. “Y/N-chan, could you be a dear and describe what they look like? I have a feeling I know who exactly they are.”

You turn back again, and really take a good look at them. They’re pretty. Really pretty, you think. You wonder for a second what they could’ve done to make Oikawa so adamant on not speaking with them. 

“There’s three girls. One with cropped red hair, one with long blonde hair, and one with brown hair in a high ponytail.”

“Oh, it’s them again. I don’t know what to do to get them to leave me alone at this point,” he sighs. 

“Who are they? What’s going on?”

His grip on your hand tightens. “Ichika-san and her friends. She sent me a love letter about a month ago. I tried to let her down easily, but it seems that she has yet to give up.”

“This girl is your stalker?”

“Not quite. At least, I hope not.”

The noise from behind you two gets increasingly louder. A giggle echoes on the mildly empty street and you catch Oikawa’s name being whispered between their conversations. Now that you’ve found out about what they’ve been putting him through, your annoyance spikes. 

“Not to sound paranoid or anything, but I’m not keen on these girls finding out where you live.” 

Oikawa is quiet for a moment, his brows furrowed in indecision. It seems that he makes up his mind when he turns his head to look at you. “Kiss me.”

Your step momentarily falters. 

“What?”

He shakes your intertwined hands. “We’re already holding hands. They might get the memo if we …”

“Oh.”

“I .. I mean only if you want to. You don’t have to. I just figured that .. nevermind. It’s a spotty plan. They might still not leave us alone and --”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll do it.” You weren’t going to pass up a chance at kissing him, even if it’s only for a diversion. This doesn’t seem like such a bad idea anyways — you’d long since given up on him reciprocating your feelings, and this way you can kiss him while saving yourself from the possible embarrassment of rejection. 

“You will?”

“Where’s the harm? It’s just a kiss right?” You can barely hear yourself talking over the beating of your heart. “Besides, it could work.”

Oikawa shoots you a grateful smile. “Okay. Whenever you’re ready then.”

You try to shake out your nerves and instead focus your time in looking at your surroundings. The sound of giggling is still in close range when you spot a tree nearby. It’s still pretty out in the open, but not so much that you and Oikawa might draw stares, at least not from anyone that isn’t a part of the group of girls behind you. 

Gathering enough courage to not insanely mess this up, you tug on Oikawa’s hand to drag him with you in the direction of the tree. You make sure that you’re still in the line of sight of the three girls when you snake your arms around Oikawa’s neck and pull him down. 

His lips are softer than you imagined, and you’ve imagined kissing them more times than you’re willing to admit. Pleasantly, he tastes like oranges, which you don’t quite understand, considering that you can’t seem to remember him ever being fond of oranges. But then again, you can’t quite think of anything besides the feeling of his lips on yours.

Your lips move fluidly against his, soft but not entirely without passion. It takes everything in you to not kiss him with the force that you want to be kissing him with. 

Hands come down to grip your waist as he pulls you closer to him, gently placing a hand on the small of your back. You run your hands through his hair and wonder to yourself why you hadn’t ever played with his hair before. If you ever make it out of this with your senses still intact, you’d make playing with his hair a part of your regular routine.

He makes a small noise against your lips when you make the mistake of pulling a little too hard on his hair. His grip on you tightens. 

You don’t know how long you two stand there, lips locked with each other, but Oikawa doesn’t make any move to pull away. Instead he deepens the kiss by running his tongue against your bottom lip and pulling you even closer. You stifle a noise that threatens to come from deep in your throat. One of his hands comes up to cup your cheek and tips your head so that he can slip his tongue into your mouth. He has fantastic lips, you think. 

It’s only until you feel the air in your lungs begin to dwindle that you force yourself to pull away. The kiss lasted for longer than you expected, and by the way you pant with every breath, it feels like a kiss that the rest of the world should not have been privy to. 

You keep your eyes closed for a moment more, wanting to savor the moment for just a little longer. The moment you open your eyes, you’ll have to come back to the reality that this was just a one-time thing. You’ll have to come back to reality and remember that this kiss likely doesn’t mean anything to him. 

Slowly you open your eyes, and find that Oikawa’s already staring at you intently. His breathing comes out staggered, and his eyes have turned a few shades darker. What used to be a soft chestnut brown looks almost close to black. In them, you notice a flicker of an odd emotion that looks too familiar, but you don’t want to hope for anything. 

You slide your hands down to his chest. His hands are still planted on your back and face, touching you both gently and carefully. “Did it work?” Your voice comes out small.

He seems to wake up from his trance then, and turns to look in the direction that the girls were before. You look behind you to see one of the girls running away with her head in her hands. Her two friends follow after her in an attempt to console her.

“I think it did,” he says. And what he says after is so quiet you almost believe that you imagine hearing it. “In more ways than one.”

part two will most likely be up on thursday next week :)

[brockadoodles]

kiss me at midnight - m. tkachuk

AN: The way i can’t WAIT for the season to start so I can gif short haired Matty... Anyways. uh, I woke up today and chose violence, so here’s a New Year’s fic with one of our favorites. Maybe one day I’ll stop posting at 1 am? Let me know what you think! 

Word Count: 2395

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drinking, otherwise it’s fluffy. 

“Ten dollars says they’re going to make out within the next five minutes.” You quickly turned your head at the voice. You smiled slightly at Matthew, nodding at him to take a seat next to you. You had just met him that evening and had somehow ended up running into him multiple times throughout the night. You laughed softly at his statement as you swirled your rum and coke in your hand. You didn’t even have to look in the direction that he was pointing toward to know exactly who he was talking about. Your roommate had ditched you in favor of his teammate over an hour ago, and in her defense, he was cute and better one of you not to spend New Year’s Eve sulking alone at the bar. 

“I give them three, you’re welcome to hang out and wager me on it.” You joked. Matthew eyed you curiously, anyone that was willing to make a bet with him that quickly was someone he wanted to get to know. He caught the attention of the bartender and ordered himself a drink. He glanced over at your near-empty glass and had another made for you, making sure to tell the bartender to add it to his own tab and not yours. Your friend had very clearly left you to your own devices and he had no intention of doing the same thing, the least he could offer is buying you one drink. You just smiled at him in thanks as another rum and coke was put in your hands to replace the now empty one. 

“Would ya look at that, guess neither of us wins.” Matthew mused as he took a sip of his drink. You quickly turned your head to where your roommate was now pressed against the pool table, kissing his teammate. You rolled your eyes before turning your attention back to Matthew, who was inarguably cute. No harming in shooting your shot with someone you likely wouldn’t see again in a crowded bar in Calgary on New Year’s Eve, right? 

“Bummer. To think I was going to bet you a New Year’s Kiss.” You shrugged, raising your eyebrow a bit toward Matthew, who now had a smirk settling in on his features. He leaned against the bar as he took a step closer to you, positioning his body between your thighs. It wasn’t uncomfortable, you actually found yourself smiling softly at him as you placed a hand on his waist and tugged him slightly closer to you, opening the door for whatever would come next.

“Me and you at midnight? Deal.” You rolled your eyes at him and pat his side, pushing him back just enough to give you some more room. The conversation started flowing after that, and you found yourself getting lost in the stories he was telling. Something about Matthew was captivating. You could blame it on his looks, maybe the way his eyes lit up when he smiled at you, or the way his hair was just long enough to see that it was a bit curly, or maybe it was the way you were sitting close together now, with his leg brushed against yours under the table that you had moved to an hour before. But deep down you knew it wasn’t just because he was some hot stranger who you were hopefully stealing a midnight kiss from, you and Matthew had a connection that you couldn’t quite explain further than it being what everyone describes in shows that you never bothered to believe in. You could only hope that he felt it, too.

Except, he must not have, because when the clock counted down and you prepared yourself to finally kiss him, he just held you close. Matthew tucked you under his arm as the crowd started cheering and he made no move to kiss you, something that even in your drunken state was causing disappointment. What you didn’t know was that he wanted to kiss you more than anything that night, but he wasn’t about to cross a line you had drawn while drunk. He wanted to make sure it was okay before anything happened, so instead, he settled for a soft kiss to your forehead and exchanging numbers as he put you in an uber back to your apartment. Leaving you drunk and confused as if you had just read the signs entirely wrong. 

You spent the next 11 months with Matthew, spending nearly all of your time together. You went to his games, you met each other’s friends, you spent nights with each other and there were so many frustrating pent up moments where if someone would have asked you what you were to each other, you genuinely would have had no answer. Matthew frustrated you in ways that you couldn’t pinpoint because his signals were caught up in the crossfires and you weren’t sure what you meant to him. You knew he cared about you, and sometimes his hand would linger just a bit too long on the small of your back, or he would fall asleep with his arms just enough around you that you would convince yourself that he felt what you had felt for him the entire time. 

You spent months dancing back and forth with Matty, replying that New Year’s Eve night over and over in your head, wondering why he never kissed you. Then you spent months to accept what he was giving you, a friend that cared about you and would do anything for you, but one that simply didn’t harbor the same feelings you held close to your chest. You couldn’t fault him for not feeling the same way, feelings sometimes don’t have a rhyme or reason as to why they happen. Sometimes the hand you’re dealt results in a win, and other times you bet your entire heart only to watch it get cashed out by someone else who didn’t care to have it in the first place. But you had spent a year waiting around for him, and at this point, you just needed to know. 

Matthew answered the phone quickly when he saw that it was you calling. He had just gotten back from a small get together with some of his friends from back home. He smiled softly as he greeted you, breathing a content sigh of relief as he settled down into what would likely be a long chat with you. You were Matthew’s favorite person and even though he hated being on the phone, he’d talk with you for hours about nothing if that was what you wanted. 

“Do you know how there’s that saying about how if you spend New Years with someone, that’s who you’re spending the year with?” Were the first words out of your mouth, acting on a stint of courage that your friends had practically shoved into you the entire time you were with them. They all wanted you and Matty to get your shit together and confess, and you’d be lying if them pressing you wasn’t a factor in this impulsive late-night phone call to the person in question. 

“Yeah, I have heard that one.” Matty smiled into his phone. 

“I have this theory. I think it’s actually that who you miss the most on New Years’ is who you’ll spend the year with.” You were glad this was just a phone call and that matty wasn’t there to see your face. You had been dancing around something with him for so long now, that it felt like you were stuck in an endless game of poker where no one was winning. But you were the dealer now, and you were giving Matthew the cards that would give him a royal flush if he wanted it, and god you hoped he wanted it. 

“You’re going to need to explain that, sweetheart.” 

“We spent last New Years’ together, and you didn’t kiss me. We spent an entire year together and you didn’t kiss me, but there’s something here right? Because I feel like there is, and even though you’re in St. Louis and I’m here all I want is for you to miss me just enough that you’ll come home and finally kiss me.” 

Matthew swore that he felt his heart lurch in his chest as he processed your words. You, the person he had spent the last year getting to know, spending nights together on your couch watching bad reality TV and arguing over what take out to order. You, the person that he thought about more often than not, so much so that he had made a routine of calling you after every away game, just because it was calming to hear your voice on the phone. You, the person that he had so desperately wanted to kiss the year before but didn’t because it wouldn’t have been right with both of you too intoxicated to make that decision. He had spent the last year assuming that you thought of him as just a friend and he had been sulking about it for months. 

“Holy shit, I didn’t think you were into me.” Was absolutely not the most eloquent way that he could have responded to what you had just said. Matthew internally groaned at himself as he listened to the silence that was now coming from your side of the conversation. He was panicking, racking his brain for the right words to string together to make sure you knew he felt exactly the same way as you did. For some reason, just telling you that didn’t feel good enough when you had just about taken his heart right out of his chest from another country away with your confession. 

“Fuck, that was not what I meant to say.” He ran a hand over his face, and he was thankful for once you had asked to just talk on the phone and not FaceTime. 

“I really miss you. And everything you’re feeling, I feel it too.” He finally settled on it, hoping that it was enough to convey his emotions. He knew he wanted you, he had waited a year for this moment to come to its head. A year of him subtly standing by your side, itching to reach his hand out to yours but not daring to make the final touch. A year of him hoping you wouldn’t meet someone else that could take up the space that he desperately wanted to occupy. He spent a year waiting for you, he wasn’t going to wait any longer. Before he could stop himself he grabbed his laptop, pulling up flights as you started to speak again. 

“God, Matty, there have been so many times I almost told you how I felt.” You breathed out. He could tell exactly how you were feeling, he could hear the relief in your voice. He knew that type of relief, the instant gratification a person feels when they give someone their time and effort and it’s all reciprocated. He knew that feeling because as soon as you mentioned you wanted to kiss him, he felt that same relief settle into his chest, a feeling he had been craving for so long now. A feeling he could act on in a matter of hours thanks to a ridiculously over-expensive flight from St. Louis back to Calgary. 

“Can you pick me up tomorrow morning? From the airport?” He asked. You froze in bed, pulling your phone from your ear and looking at the time. It was late, already past midnight which meant it was even later for him. Your heart was racing and you felt like this was some hazy dream that you were bound to wake up from disappointed, the same dream you had experienced probably a hundred times over the last year. Matty was your entire world, and it didn’t feel real that he was finally something tangible. So you told him yes. You told him, yes and you counted down the hours until you got to see him, barely sleeping at all. 

You had never been the type to think you’d be standing outside of security at an airport, living out some terrible moment from a romantic comedy as you waited for the person you loved to come through the gates. But there you were, in one of his old sweatshirts, nervously tapping your foot as you eyed every single person that walked through.

You were totally sure that anyone watching you probably was rolling your eyes at the look on your face, the same lovesick look you see in the very movies you often complain about. But you didn’t care because strangers walking through an airport clutching their coffee at 7 am who you would never see again didn’t matter. Everyone had their own destination that day, their own trip that they were making for their own reasons, and your reason was walking toward you, looking at you like you were the only thing that he could see and that was what mattered. 

Matty dropped his bag to the ground as you jogged up to him. You wrapped your arms tightly around his waist and tucked your head against his chest, taking a moment to listen to the steady beat of his heart, the same steady beating that you had listened to so many times before not knowing that it beat only for you. 

“I’m going to kiss you now because I’ve been waiting for a year to do it and I don’t think I can handle waiting any longer.” Matty grabbed your cheek, pulling your gaze up to meet his as his other arm tightened around you. 

“You can kiss me whenever you want now, Matty.” You murmured, letting your eyes flutter closed as you leaned in and pressed your lips lightly to his. You melted into the kiss, letting him pull you closer to deepen it just a little as the early morning travelers kept walking around you. You almost didn’t regret the time spent wishing for this moment, because in a way, the person you spent New Year’s with the year before was the person you spent the year with, and now you got to spend another year with him, being fully and completely each others. It wasn’t midnight, but somehow 7 am felt better than midnight ever could have.  

[cherryblossomtease]

In The Fairest Season ~ Part 1

18+ only- oral sex, strong sexual content see Masterlist for full warnings

~ ~

LATE SEPTEMBER

The field of pale long grass dotted by wild flowers, bends and sways in time with the distant waves far below the cliffs, its waters cold and black, its peaks bright white. There is no distinction between the sound of the wild, hidden shoreline and the wind whipping through the blades of grass which spread out like that wide sea far into the distance. This place is untamed, and completely unbothered by her.

She is sitting, still as a stone in its middle, like a fixed spot in time.

She, is soft morning beauty, and quiet, contemplative grace. She should seem out of place along the lonely Sokovian coast but instead it is hard to imagine her any where else but here.

She is the vision of life and love and a second chance at both, and she, is you.

The Baron is watching as you take a deep, slow breath of the country air, so clear and easy to inhale that it makes you a little sad to know that this has been here all along and you are only just beginning to explore it.

The city was wonderful in so many ways when it was all you’d ever known, but out here you realize just how shut in you’ve been, living between the press of stone and steel, breathing in the thick smoke of industry.

When the Baron first asked you to come, you’d feared leaving the excitement, pollution or not, but one look into his eyes and you’d been persuaded. You would do anything just to see them shine and his love had burned as bright as the sun when you said yes.

“Are you hungry? Breakfast is ready.”

Helmut’s voice is soft as the morning wind that lifts your hair and strokes your cheek. You’d felt his presence but only now do you turn to look up at him and find the man gazing down at you in his morning finery. A jacket and vest, the gold chain of his pocket watch catching the faint sunlight, his boots black and shining in the grass. Even at this hour he is every bit the Baron.

You feel next to naked in the white nightgown you’d snuck out in, but you wanted to feel the air on your skin and the earth beneath your feet. Sokovia should be experienced with all of the senses. You’d decided this the moment you arrived, and while your unrefined ways will be the talk of the servants quarters, you could not care less what they whisper about. This is your home now and you wish to know it.

“I am actually.” You answer and do little to hide your smile as you think to yourself that after last night, you could eat him out of house and home, but you’re too shy to say this out loud. However Helmut is an astute man and reads your face easily. He knows what you’re thinking of which draws out his own smile and he extends his hand to help you up.

When you are on your feet and at his side, he slips his arm around your waist and pulls you close to lead you back towards the stone wall that separates his land from the fields and cliffs and sea.

“You’re feeling well?” He asks, eyes fixed ahead though you can hear his sweet concern for you. You know why he’s asking, and a shiver of pleasure shoots through your belly as you shut your eyes remembering.

He held your wrists tighter as he thrust into you, faster, harder— it is overwhelming, but you love him— you cling to him, awed that this works, that he fits. A tear streams down the side of your face as you gasp wanting to scream from the sheer joy of it.

“Perfectly.” You answer opening your eyes and feeling a flush as you glance up. The memory makes your breath shallow as you speak. “I’ve never known such a perfect morning.” You hope he understands how deeply you mean it. The absolute only thing that compares, is the feeling of euphoria that washes over you while onstage. It happens just as you’ve completed an aria and the audience sits in silence, too overcome by your voice to react until they finally break out into applause. That, is what loving him, and being loved feels like.

As you walk together he leans over to kiss the top of your hair, still wild from sleep. He feels the same sort of untethered joy in this morning as you. The way he inhales your scent makes your heart flutter.

“I realize” He says walking upright again. “I don’t know what you like for breakfast, so I’ve had the cook prepare a little of everything for you to try.”

Your eyes dart up in the direction of the house. From here you can only see the east tower peaking up over the crest of the walled hill. “That’s so much trouble! I only need something small, an egg, a piece of toast.” You shrug.

Helmut laughs and shakes his head at you. He reaches and lays the hand not wrapped around your waist against your face bringing you close so that he may kiss your cheek. “A small breakfast may have been enough for you, the singer. But not you, the Baroness.” He says playfully, lips still touching your skin.

You melt against his warmth and think that while he may be right, it doesn’t matter. You like eggs and toast. “And as the new Baroness, I’ve decided on eating what I always have.” You say with your best voice of authority. “Wait.”

He halts the march towards home and looks down at you, his brow raised as he waits.

“I’d like some jam too actually. Mmm Raspberry.” You sigh and shut your eyes.

Helmut truly laughs now stepping around to block your path just before the break in the wall. “You can have all the raspberry jam in Sokovia. Please, Voljena, darling girl allow yourself to enjoy this life, it is yours for as long as you draw breath.” He says softly with his hands on either side of your face. “I know, it will take time to adjust, but I only want to see you happy."

You hold onto his wrist, sliding your hand over the back of his larger one. “Helmut… Happy is such a simple word, it’s a shame there isn’t a better one. I feel so many things all at once. But I promise I will say the words I feel in my heart as soon as I know them.”

His worry melts away to a look of content and he leans in to kiss you.

When his hands migrate down to your shoulders, his thumb stroking the soft line of your collar bone, he pulls away and glances down, chuckling softly. “As beautiful as you look out here in your nightgown, perhaps a coat next time?”

You laugh and blush embarrassment. “I like the cool air. And I thought I could come and go before anyone noticed I’d gone.”

He shakes his head and holds the back of your neck, “I knew. I felt the bed empty.” He says, his gaze slowly moving across your face, lingering on your lips.

You feel your knees go a bit weak. He does know how to make a woman feel wanted with the simplest of words. “I’m sorry I woke you.” You say, secretly happy to know that your absence was enough to rouse him.

“No, no don’t apologize. I’m pleased to see that you want to know my homeland.”

“Yes, but its mine now too, isn’t it?” You ask glancing out at the beautifully moody landscape.

Helmut nods and looks you over as though the love he feels physically hurts in the best of ways. “Yes, all of it. Everything I have is yours moja ljubavi” He whispers and kisses you again.

My love. Each time he says it you feel your heart swell.

He pulls you close in a way that sparks more memories of last night. They flicker, quick as a candles flame —his elegant fingers turning to fists as he pulls your nightgown over your head leaving you naked and vulnerable. But Helmut is kind and gentle as he touches parts of you that have been aching for this. He kisses and strokes, grabs and pulls until you lay on the bed nearly begging for him— you had not known that you could want something you’d never had so badly until last night.

When he takes your waist in hand now and turns you around so that he can walk you to the wall, your back finds the stones and he kisses you with a renewed enthusiasm. His mouth dragging from your lips to kiss along your jaw and into the curve of your neck.

You shut your eyes and run your fingers through his thick hair as he makes his way to your breast, your nipples pushing against the thin cotton of your shift, their color showing through the nearly sheer fabric and even you can see how badly they long for his attention.

“I want you here.” You breathe, pushing your head back against the wall, moaning from the anticipation.

Helmut glances up at you. The heavy look of desire in his eyes is a reflection of your own. He takes your left side in hand, lifting to suck your sensitive flesh through the material and you bite your lip, little moans and shivers your uncontrollable response to his mouth on your covered breast.

Releasing your nipple which now feels cold without his attention, Helmut reaches down and gathers your shift, raising until your lower half is exposed.

Your eyes meet.

Helmut's smile so often walks the thinnest of lines, you imagine he could so easily go towards darkness especially with what you know him to be capable of. But you are drawn to this and to him like a moth to the flame.

Holding your breath, you wait. Wanting him, completely unsure and a little afraid of what it is he will do. And then you feel his hand, warm and strong rub down over your mound of silky  hair to the soft skin below; the gold ring on his little finger is cool against your skin.

He strokes a small circle with his fingers pressed close together, much like he did in bed, watching you to see your reaction. You try to hold back but even this simple stimulation feels so good that your mouth opens with a sound you thought you could only make under the cover of night.

Helmut smiles wider and nods for you to take the hem of your shift. “Hold it up.” He says. You quickly grip the night dress tight against your stomach as he goes to his knees —lord, in his beautiful trousers, you grin— and looks up at you, but not at your face.

The way he stares boarders on sacrilegious. He kneels before your alter of lovely folds and glistening skin like a man seeking penance before the only true thing he believes in.

His thumb strokes, parting you just enough that he may tease himself with the view and you hear him humming a deep moan. He takes hold of your ankle and moves your leg out so that your thighs are farther apart before using both hands to spread you, exposing your most intimate places to the wind and you toss your head back, holding onto his shoulders as he dives in to praise you as you’ve never felt before.

This did not happen last night.

You gasp loudly—shocked and resistant— but he grabs your thighs, sliding his hands up and around to your backside, holding you tight, burying his face in the heat of your center until you fear he won’t be able to breath… and then he starts to move his mouth and you think, let him die if this is how he goes.

Laughing as you moan, your eyes roll shut, feeling his tongue swirl and lap, exploring and playing as much as he is working towards something.

You’ve heard of this? Heard the other theatre girls laughing about the skill of the different Lords who see your kind as fair game, but you’ve managed to avoid their honeyed words and empty promises, instead dedicating your life to your singing.

But this man… every word from his lips has been as true as his tongue.

He starts to suck at that place only you have ever touched before last night and when the perfectly crude movements combine with the trust and love you cary for him, you realize what it is he wants to make happen.

It almost did before, but you were so overwhelmed and nervous. It was incredible to know that you could make him climax, powerful even. But how would he ever be able to do the same for you when you needed more than he did.

Now you understand.

With your hands full of the shift and his hair, you feel the pressure begin to mount. Opening your eyes you look out past the field to the distant water that looks as calm and still as the sky. Helmut is rolling his tongue around the peak of your clitoris slowly, so slowly you can’t stand it. It makes you want to scream and you feel your chest tighten as you tilt your hips forward urging him to never stop.

So this is what it feels like…

You dare to look down, watching his head move which makes you smile with a rush of love and appreciation for his efforts. A gasping laugh rushes from your lungs as he runs his tongue from opening to peak, and you catch a glimpse of his mouth wet and shining when he pulls back to take a breath.

You involuntarily moan his name and pull at his hair, needing more with an urgency you will be ashamed to admit to when this is over, but for now it’s all you want.

You feel him chuckle against your skin before continuing. He sucks your clitoris into his mouth and batters it with his tongue until you can only cling to him and let the wind carry the loudest of your cries away from the keen ears of the servants just behind the wall.

The rise begins again, and though you've known it before—alone in your bed, quietly sighing into the dark— this is new and as your body insists you feel it not only there but seemingly everywhere, you succumb to the wonderful shock of your first given orgasm.

Pulsing against his mouth, your eyes fixed on the sea as you come, you fight the urge to fall to the ground as your thighs flex against his face while Helmut laps at your tight entrance. He swallows your sticky sweetness as though it is the elixir to long life.

When he does finally pull away, you drop your shift and wrap your arms around his neck and head, thankful for his strong and steady arms that hold you up.

Helmut lets go with one arm to run the back of his hand across his mouth with a smile. He looks up at you, and suddenly the strongest urge to taste yourself on his lips takes hold which surprises you. But the moment you bend and kiss him, you understand why.

There are so many levels to the connection between the two of you. Of course it is not new, this sort of love, but it is the first time you have ever felt it.

You inhale as you kiss and the sense of there being no start to him or end to you is intoxicating. There is only this single union that your love has formed.

Of course I’m happy— you think back to his heartfelt request before you’d both forgotten about breakfast— I am loved and satisfied. I am your wife.

[dukeofonions]

The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show. 

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know. 

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we? 

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce. 

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series. 

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right? 

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode. 

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait. 

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon! 

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy. 

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one. 

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened? 

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand. 

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes. 

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides. 

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned. 

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot. 

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later. 

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing. 

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem. 

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner) 

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense? 

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First. 

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly. 

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts. 

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word. 

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video. 

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS? 

Virgil. 

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there? 

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

 Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When? 

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again? 

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them. 

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS. 

*whispers explain* 

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense… 

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress. 

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes. 

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

 Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident. 

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.” 

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be. 

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing. 

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower. 

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes. 

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to. 

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper* 

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened? 

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive? 

*whisper* 

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall? 

Okay, I guess that all makes sense… 

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas! 

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began. 

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to. 

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus. 

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense. 

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion. 

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place. 

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale. 

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series? 

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever. 

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much. 

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that? 

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series. 

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse. 

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing. 

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road. 

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides. 

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us. 

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

[siegelst]

Anonymous asked [  it’s finally here.

Curiosity [part 5 howl Part 1 ]  by Anonymous

Rated Explicit Mature 18+

clothes kink, major size kink, voice kink, cum kink, cum marking, karl has part lycan in him, scent-marking, karl's wolf tells the truth.

Anonymous: toughest chapter I ever written.

Part 5 Howl Part 1

There wasn't much difference between karl and his wolf. it just his wolf speaks the truth unfiltered, when he was more silent on personal matters. while going out on the full moon he didn't have to worry him or his wolf would have a go at the help since he locked her away in the cell at the start, later on locked her in her room. Plus the plants he had Donna get to put around the room and the cell to repel wolf away. He thought he covered all his bases.

female pov.  

I was moving around in the kitchen for a late night snack when I still haven't' heard from magneto 2.0.  He left a while ago for a meeting and the only reason I was able to wonder around is the living quarters is because door was locked. I couldn't make my escape even if I wanted too. but still being the optimistic person that I am, I figured hey at least I don't have a horrible job and got a roof over my head and my boss isn't' a creep.... well not much as a creep.

I found the snacks before going to the counter for some seasoning when I heard footsteps. Ah. He's back. I paid him no mind. Sometimes he returns from a meeting in a foul mood that I stay out of his way. I smelled a familiar musty scent similar to the night at the lycan dens. I felt hot cold suddenly. The scent was getting stronger, engulfing me, trapping me. Oh it smells really nice. It was when his big arms wrapped around me, followed by the feel of his beard against my right cheek is when I got captured. I was wearing my night pants shirt, my nipples start to harden. I felt weird, hotter, him holding me feels really good. He hmmed sounded like a moan. I could feel his soft stomach. brush of his beard, his mouth against my neck, sent my heart skyrocketing. F*ck. I’m sensitive but I’m capturing the microscopic of everything he’s doing. How?

"There's Mein Hase. Endlich lerne ich dich kennen." he purred in my ear. His voice sending me into a fizz. Heat pooling in my stomach, blush was threatening to burn. F*ck. calm down. Why? It doesn’t help his large hands slowly running up my sides of my body, mainly thighs, hips, stomach. Laying down might be a good idea, I thought dizzily. "You look so good in your night clothes, I could just eat you up, konjin." What? Before I could say anything, he sling me over his shoulder and was walking somewhere.  

"H-hey get me down dude." I said, hit his back. He huff.

"Keine Sorge Hase, ich werde mir Zeit mit dir lassen." he purred as he patted the back of my sensitive thigh, making me gasped at the contact. Sound of a door opening before I found myself in the familiar room. His room. Huh. Something must have happen at the meeting. His large hand on my thigh was like a hot iron against the skin. I let out a embarrassing sound when I feel his thumb rubbing circles in my thigh. I could feel myself becoming wet. He inhaled and sighed before I felt the coldness of the cuff around my ankle. Sh*t. I think I’m trapped.

He dump me in the middle of the bed, his hands sliding onto my hips, rubbing circles, him leaning over me, his scent smells so good, his face near mine, I could see hint of his chest, green tank-top, peaking out of his button up shirt his necklaces hanging, before telling me to stay as he went to get something.  I feel hot all over. Maybe laying down might be good. Bed looks good. Me being me went off the bed, before another cuff with chains somehow attached to my right wrist. Okay, he's serious. I saw him walking back to the bed before pushing me back down on the bed "I said SIT!"

I sat down, trying to look innocent of the crime I did. His glasses usually dark, gave a very faint yellow glow breaking through them, as he towered over me, studied me, telling me to get in the bed. I shuffled to the middle of the bed. I felt better. Yes bed looks very good. ‘There. Happy?’ I thought. He smirked.

"Who are you?" I asked, calling BS at the imposter, eyes narrowing. He looks like Heisenberg. Something was different. He looked . . . yummy. He smirk vanish for a second before he smiled a 10,000 gigawatt smile at me, dazzling me unexpectedly, his canines visible. $hit they look sharper than usual. Not that I notice anything.  

"Oh you caught on quick don't you Hase?" he said. "I always been here, You been driving me wild."

Ok ... Perhaps two different personalities in 1 person - and I’m just meeting the  other one? Probably from traumatic childhood or something I guess due to the scares I did noticed on him. He tilt his head seemly concern, taking in my attire, then cup my face with his right hand briefly. Ohhh that feels so good. I swayed like a drunken sailor leaned into his hand before I caught myself. Wtf? I feel a wetness down at my lower reign. jeez why I’m ... horny? He leaned over to sniff at me *Why??? Do I smell??*. Slowly shrugging off his jacket then sitting down on the bed to take off his socks, shoes, followed by his shirts then climbing into bed and pulling me into his lap. His scent overpowering. I’m getting hotter, wetter. He smells so good.  what is he using? He sigh relief, while his hands feel my thighs briefly. YES PLEASE “Ohhh you love my scent.” 

“Hey there’s food in the fridge if you’re hungry - you been in the meeting for a while” I started babbling, as he nudge me to rest against his front. I could feel his thighs, tummy, large pecks, and the coldness of his necklaces. Feel blush on my checks, hairs on my arm stand on end, almost made embarrassing sound after feeling his skin against what skin of mine was available. He cut me off.

“Hungry.” he said shortly then his arms trapped me as he bent to nuzzling into my left side of neck before lowering his voice in purr, the sound going straight to my lower reign. I let out a whimper moan. OhH! “Hungry for you.”

“The numerous places I wanted to just shove you to the nearest flat area and start pounding into you sobbing c*nt.. In the medical bay, on my desk, in the chair...” he muttered, his hands rubbing my sides, before one of them went dangerously near my night pants. That sounds really good for some odd reason. 

"Just like you are right now." he purred, I jerked closed my thighs together. Wait how would he know that? He’s just bluffing. Just teasing me. His hands parted my thigh effortlessly, he had a good grip on my thighs. I nearly sob in relief feeling his skin on my thighs. Shiver went down my spine. Feeling heat taking me. "Let me give you a taste Buttercup."

His voice was getting to me, maybe this be a good thing.  "O-okay " I said breathlessly.

"How much do you want it doll?" He muttered. "Want me to touch you? Answer me"

"Yes" I gasped. His right hand pulled down my pants before pressing his hand against my core. Oh  

'Heisenberg pov.

F*ck she was dripping before I even reach her in the kitchen. Musty scent I gave off had immediate effect on her, just as I thought. For months I been making sure to not be around her during the full moon until now. Just seeing her unravel by the scent I’m giving off and seeing her react when I cupped her face was enough information that its effecting us both. I tested the water by striping her pants off - palming her before using my fingers to part her folds- slowly slide in my middle-finger. F*ck. Tight but slowly the wetness made it go in smoothly. Feel wetness clinging to it. I moved it in n out before looking at it. Horny bunny. She as all the signs, the panting, rise in temperature, nearly getting off just me brushing my skin against hers, she’s f*cken ready. As I inspect the wetness on my finger. She was huffing, panting already.  Her hand meet my beard, f*ck. I let out an embarrassing groan, closing my eyes briefly, my hand briefly hold her hand against my beard as I briefly placed a kiss on the palm of her hand.  

"F*ck darling, the rate we going we be f*cking through our clothes." I purred in her ear, definitely don’t mind that, as nibbling on her ear, as my hand went back in between her legs. As I grind against her. Her ass pushed against my hard on creating a delicious friction. I hissed out a breathless ‘f*ck yes’ as rutted back. There’s my shy bunny, who likes to wear layers of clothes was practically naked, shivering in my lap. My free hand went for her clothed tits, and finally encased them, feeling them pebble, erect by my touch, perking under her shirt.

It reminded me of when she ended up drench in her attempt to escape, her laying out the cell floor her f*cking tits cold, her tank top almost see through, had me undone after I left. I wanted to fuck her on the cell floor to let all lycans know she is mine, so bad.

Cock twitched. Her legs were relax, open where I wanted them. I took a hold of her night shirt. a big rip was heard, and her night shirt parted ways, leaving her delicious skin shown, her boobs jostled by the it. She didn’t noticed, groaning as I pumped my finger into her slick cave hard and fast. My left hand hungrily feeling the new landscape, mapping her body, as hearing her panting up at me. Added another finger. She let out a groan, her tight cave, clinched around fluttering around my fingers. F*ck she was close.  I pinch her nipples, groping them, feeling their soft velvet texture turning pebbly. She let out a loud cry.

"You close, Buttercup? Just listen to my voice. Feel my fingers fucking you in your c*nt, feel my hand on nipples" I muttered near her ear. “How they will bounce when I f*cking rail you on my cock?"

Her chest heaved, her breast magnificent, her lungs works wonderfully. Her body arched away from mine, as I grind against her as$.  My hand overloaded with glistening her nectar, as I briefly smeared it against her breasts before trying three fingers into her. fuck. I’m going to cum in my pants and that’s okay. I dragged in a breath of her scent, as I muttered into her neck. noticing her attire, skin had dots of sweat appearing, neck bend back, breast out taunt, panting, she started to try to go down on my fingers. My hand practically taking over her hip, ingraining the memory into my skull.

I hissed in her ear, my dick hard at the sight of her trying to f*ck on my fingers herself. “Ja! Fick auf meine Finger Schlampe. Vielleicht sollte ich anfangen dich zu fisten. Allein der Gedanke daran lässt mich fast abspritzen”

I grind heavily against her swell of her as$. Her hand brushing against my beard making me moan. "Naughty naughty little $luty bunny."

I picked her as$ up as my pants undid themselves, before placing her down against me. She could feel my ridged cock, as I rutted against her as$, as my fingers slide slightly in, briefly nudge her thighs further apart. My thigh manage snake around her right thigh to stretch her out also.  "You want me to f*ck you into the mattress? Want to take my dick? You taking in my dam* fingers. Taking them into you wet c*nt. You’re c*nt is sobbing for me darling." 

Pushed her against my chest, shes panting, as I pumped my three fingers fast into her. I pause my thrusting.

“Should I punish you for you getting off without papa’s permission?” I whispered near her ear, knowing I once interrupted her having a sweet dream. She made a cry in frustration, begging for me, tears appearing corners of her eyes. I removed my fingers, her crying, wanting them back. I lifted her as$ up letting the chains break off of her limbs, so I could put her up higher enough for my hard dick to settle against her glistening core. Rutting my dick along her folds. Move my dick so to get her dripping excesses. “You want my dick Buttercup?”

“YES” she wailed. I slide head of my cock into her channel. I huffed. F*ck. It feels wonderful, torturous and a relief at the same time.  I watched at her body being impaled slowly by my cock, from tip to the base of it. She was whimpered, chest heaving. Her breathing heavily, rub her sides to make sure she’s alright, My cock twitched. I noticed a bump in her lower stomach area. I moved my left hand to feel the rise area. ohh yess. Her panting practically face looking up at me. her mouth gasping, one of her hands laid above her breast, seeing them glisten with her nectar and sweat, as to see her have a bulge of my cock in her, made me want to just slam my cock into her repeatedly.  I moved slightly. She arched her back, making a good moan. I started slow before I started slamming into her. her tits bouncing, I laid my hand against her stomach feeling the bump disappear and reappear as my dick enter her. I huff and panted as I grab her hand laid it against her stomach. She groaned deliciously. She gave a shriek as she released, her juices coating my cock. Finally getting to fill her with my cum is what did it for me, as I let go. I slammed her deep on my cock as I feel my shot filling her up. She laying boneless against my stomach, head resting on my shoulder. My left hand gazing the outline of my cock bulge in her stomach, while my right run up her sides.

We didn’t move for a while but when she try move, I stop her before she could. “Oh nein Darling, wir haben gerade erst angefangen.”

translation: 

*my bunny. finally i get to meet you* *Don't worry bunny, I'll take my sweet time with you.*

yes! fuck on my fingers slut. maybe I should starting fisting you. fuck just thinking of it make me almost cum. 

Oh no darling, we just getting started.

[prince-of-elsinore]

A few personal thoughts on the Samdean shipper survey results (which overall I very much enjoyed reading):

1. Season 2 supremacy :))))

2. I'm just a little surprised at how many more fans favor Sam than Dean, but there are a few things it has me considering: 1) this is only a snapshot of Wincest fandom at this point in time and I seriously doubt this was the case in the early days. Obviously once D*stiel became so big it drained a lot of Dean fans off into that ship. This is very specifically people involved in fandom in the post-finale era, and I wonder if Dean's death may have been a further drain on Dean-fan engagement. And 2) sample bias, maybe? The survey did get a lot of results, but considering it was made by a Sam stan and circulated heavily among other such blogs, I wondered whether that would skew results. Of course it's impossible to say. And 3) not sure if this is, again, sort of an accident of timing (with many Dean stans disliking the finale) but it seems to me like Wincest tumblr itself is surprisingly Sam-leaning and I'm curious whether that really reflects the wider Wincest fandom (I don't say Bibro b/c to me, you have to love both to be a Bibro) or whether they've naturally migrated towards each other on this particular platform and are therefore over-represented here. I have no idea what twitter or discord fandom is like. Finally 4) I'm REALLY curious to know how different it would look if Sam and Dean equally had been an option. I'm guessing that most people only favor one brother very slightly (me!) and might rather choose that, or do genuinely love both the same. I would guess that Sam and Dean together would receive nearly as many votes as either separately--but maybe not! Maybe stan mentality has permeated fandom too much :\

3. It would be really interesting to see how favorite character lines up with top/bottom preference. I think I'm an outlier in that I prefer my fave (Dean) as a top 😳(not a stickler about it though)

4. Now for just a little salt lol: guess my fandom annoyance answer got subsumed into sam v. dean drama, which I'm surprised didn't get more answers tbh. Never saw dean negativity named as an annoyance but saw dean negativity itself in the answers...🙄 The man is far from perfect but wow am I ever tired of seeing the word "abuse" thrown around (I mean I expected to see it, and it was just a couple answers but I still had to read 'em lol. Sometimes I wish I'd never dipped my toe into this fandom so I would still be blissfully ignorant of this take). Also if I had done that survey more recently I think I would have had more to say, I've sort of just recently put my finger on some fandom trends I don't like. I don't wanna go into detail but... suffice to say I think a lot of things some (especially younger?) Sam stans are very into, I am not into. Love Sam a lot, but often just don't vibe with the sort of headcanons or takes his stans push, and it's why I unfollowed some stan blogs a while back. Feel much happier now in my Bibro/Wincest/Platonic Weird Brothers corner 😌(All love to you if you favor Sam, no skin off my back. It's not the fact of favoring Sam that I dislike, it's more to do with other tastes that somehow seem associated and circulated heavily among certain blogs, but aren't common to all Sam fans. Safe to say if you're in my notes regularly this doesn't apply to you)

5. Okay finally to end on some positivity, I'm happy to get such a long fic rec list and felt inspired to share a few of my fave Wincest authors, along with stellar fics of theirs. Just the first ones that come to mind:

Dyed_Red--Squint into the Sunset | Glare into the Gloaming lovetincture--Collision Course Morgan--Midwinter Montana sonofabiscuit77--A Life Most Ordinary (all their AUs are great) thecapn--Baba O'Riley and Eleanor Rigby walk into a bar (their AUs are also great) killabeez--Carry Me Over the Sky (one of my first fandom faves!) 

[weirwoodking]

what do you think sansa's endgame is? and i'm not talking ships. like what do you think she'll be doing by the time the books end.

Anon, you accidentally made me write an essay.

So, to try and guess where Sansa could be at the end of the story, we have to look at where she’s heading currently.

She’s currently in the Vale, stuck under the control of Littlefinger. I think Sansa’s arc in TWOW will revolve around breaking free of his manipulation. There’s a line in Bran’s first ASOS chapter that seems to foreshadow this:

Sometimes he could sense them, though, as if they were still with him, only hidden from his sight by a boulder or a stand of trees. He could not smell them, nor hear their howls by night, yet he felt their presence at his back . . . all but the sister they had lost. His tail drooped when he remembered her. Four now, not five. Four and one more, the white who has no voice.

These woods belonged to them, the snowy slopes and stony hills, the great green pines and the golden leaf oaks, the rushing streams and blue lakes fringed with fingers of white frost. But his sister had left the wilds, to walk in the halls of man-rock where other hunters ruled, and once within those halls it was hard to find the path back out. The wolf prince remembered.

—Bran I, A Storm of Swords

It’s hard to find the path back out, but not impossible. I do believe Sansa will return to “the wilds” that belong to her and her siblings.

George was asked once if Sansa still has skinchanging powers even though Lady is gone, and he said she does. We’ll probably see that aspect of her character start to make an appearance in Winds, especially since the presence of magic ramps up with each book. I think it would make sense if she bonded with a bird (such as a falcon or a hawk), seeing as she has quite a lot of bird imagery (particularly caged bird imagery) in her story. Sansa “flying free”, both literally and figuratively, seems like a logical step for her arc.

I do wonder how her connection with the “pack” will be handled. All of the Stark kids except for Sansa have the telepathic bond through their wolves, so I wonder what GRRM will do with Sansa there. It’s heartbreaking, that she doesn’t have that mental connection that the others do. I don’t know if that could somehow be reformed without Lady? There are a lot of unanswered questions about the Stark kids skinchanging powers (and the telepathic bond). Why did their powers only show up when the wolves did? How far do their powers go? How powerful could they become once they’re properly trained? How does the telepathic bond work? Is that a thing that other skinchangers can do? Is it there because of the wolves or is it through the kids themselves? Is it forever broken with Sansa because Lady is gone, or could Sansa reform that connection through another wolf that joins the Stark warg pack? Would it make sense narratively and thematically for GRRM to give Sansa another wolf?

Anyway, no idea what he’ll do with that. (Some sort of scene where Sansa is like “I don’t have a wolf anymore”, and then all the other Starklings crowd around her for a giant group hug and say “that’s okay, you’re still a part of the pack no matter what” is something I could see happening. It’s not like the other kids would treat her any less for not having a direwolf, she’s still their sister.)

A common speculation I see for Sansa’s endgame is that she could become the new head of House Arryn. And, well, the aesthetic of Sansa being Lady of the Eyrie/Lord Protector of the Vale/Warden of the East is definitely cool. The Queen of Birds up in a mountain palace with her flock all around her like a winged army? That’s some gorgeous imagery.

But...

I don’t think Sansa would ever willingly choose to stay in the Vale if she had the option to go home to Winterfell:

She awoke all at once, every nerve atingle. For a moment she did not remember where she was. She had dreamt that she was little, still sharing a bedchamber with her sister Arya. But it was her maid she heard tossing in sleep, not her sister, and this was not Winterfell, but the Eyrie. And I am Alayne Stone, a bastard girl. The room was cold and black, though she was warm beneath the blankets. Dawn had not yet come. Sometimes she dreamed of Ser Ilyn Payne and woke with her heart thumping, but this dream had not been like that. Home. It was a dream of home.

The Eyrie was no home.

—Sansa VII, A Storm of Swords

One of the largest themes in the stories of the younger POV characters (Theon, Jon, Dany, Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon (even though he’s not a POV character)) is that of home. Just go on A Search of Ice and Fire and search for the word “home” in each of those characters’ chapters. I think Sansa will end up at her home, with her pack. We know she must return at Winterfell at some point, as she has the final part of this prophecy to fulfill:

"I dreamt a wolf howling in the rain, but no one heard his grief," the dwarf woman was saying. "I dreamt such a clangor I thought my head might burst, drums and horns and pipes and screams, but the saddest sound was the little bells. I dreamt of a maid at a feast with purple serpents in her hair, venom dripping from their fangs. And later I dreamt that maid again, slaying a savage giant in a castle built of snow."

—Arya VIII, A Storm of Swords

The wolf howling in the rain is Grey Wind (or Shaggydog/Rickon, since it’s raining on Skagos when Jon dreams of his “black brother”), the clangor is the Red Wedding and the bells are the ones on Jinglebell’s hat when Catelyn sawed at his throat, and the maid at the feast is Sansa. And Sansa will “slay a savage giant in a castle built of snow.” That castle is obviously Winterfell, although the fandom has yet to concretely agree on who the “savage giant” is.

Evidently, Sansa will return to Winterfell, and she probably has to get there before winter really starts setting in, or else the journey would be nearly impossible in the deadly weather. So, probably at some point in the next book.

Now, I believe that there’s a big moment coming for Sansa in TWOW: the moment where she unrepresses/uncovers her memories. Sansa knows a lot of important things. She knows the truth about Jon Arryn, she knows that her hair net was used to poison Joffrey, she knows that Littlefinger was involved in the disappearance of Jeyne Poole. Sansa’s memory swapping/adjusting/erasing/repressing (whatever you wanna call it) is important to her character. It’s her brain’s way of coping with the trauma she’s been through.

I think that one of these memories coming to the forefront is going to trigger something big: Littlefinger’s downfall. I speculate that what will most likely come out in the open first is what happened to Jeyne Poole. Sansa finding out what Baelish did to her closest childhood friend could definitely be what turns her against him.

Warning, I’m going to mention the sh*w here for a second. George has said that he wrote Sansa and Jeyne’s interactions into season 1, and that he tried to build Jeyne as a character, but her scenes were cut by the showrunners. Clearly, George cares about her, her friendship with Sansa, and her value in the story, he was very upset about the deletion of her character and of Sansa’s friendship with her.* I believe the reveal of what happened to Jeyne will be a major part of Sansa’s story in Winds. She’s repressed her memories of Jeyne and her disappearance because it is, understandably, too much for her mind to handle thinking about.

The reveal of this memory could be a catalyst to the other memories coming forward, especially since they involve Littlefinger. I think Sansa will be a key part in wrapping up the political aspect of the story, she can reveal the truth of why the Stark-Lannister conflict began all the way back in book 1. She can expose Littlefinger’s lies and schemes. That’s where I think her narrative is heading, at least in TWOW.

I’m not sure what Sansa’s story arc will be in ADOS (I’m not sure what anyone’s story will be in ADOS, but Sansa’s is a bit more of a blank page than others). If the Littlefinger conflict gets wrapped up in TWOW, I don’t know where her story will go from there. Supposedly, she could be in Winterfell at that point. What will happen then… well, then it’s Long Night time. Sansa is not one of the “key five players” (Tyrion, Dany, Arya, Bran, and Jon), but I still think she’ll have an important role in the book. I think Sansa and Arya’s relationship is something that will be focused on a lot through both of their chapters in the final novel. We’re going to see Ned’s quote, “you need her, as she needs you”, really matter.

No matter where her arc goes over the next two books, though, I do think she’ll end up at Winterfell. And like I said, I don’t think Sansa would choose to leave her home again after returning. I think that her story will end with her staying at Winterfell with the other kids. The Stark children would never willingly leave each other after reuniting. Jon literally describes the separation from his siblings as “a deep ache of emptiness, a sense of incompleteness.” And, of course, the iconic line Ned delivers to Arya: “The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.” I don’t see any of their endings being them as “lone wolves” again.

So, to answer your question, I think the endgame for Sansa will be her back in Winterfell with her family, where she belongs, where she is strongest. I do suspect, however, that there will be some sort of epilogue at the end of ADOS, possibly a “10 years later” or somewhere along those lines. Where she’ll be then, I have no idea. She’ll probably be involved with something politically by then, like ruling or advising.

*Based on what George himself has said about the show’s post-season 4 portrayal of Sansa, I don’t think her story will be similar in any way to the show’s very different version of her character (same goes for everyone). George is typically very mild when talking about the show, saying stuff like “they chose to go down a different path with the story”, but this is one of the only times he flat out criticized the show for how wrong it is. He was very upset the show cut out her storyline. He has also said that “every character has a different end” in the books. So take from that what you will.

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [99]

xv. the dying of the light 

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 6.0k

Warnings: language, mentions of blood, angst, Cadogan is a piece of shit, anxiety, fighting, death, just some very sad, very heavy stuff.

Summary: bellamy is gone, gabriel is gone, and now madi has disappeared. desperation rises as you all race to save madi before she too is taken from you.

a/n: sorry, but my brain is struggling to process that this is number 99!!!!! i swear i just posted episode 1 like last week? how is this possible? the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

The first thing you realize is that Miller saved all of your lives with his quick thinking. You turn and meet his gaze, grateful that he was fast enough to get the bomb behind one of the solid doors. “Thank you.”

He nods in acknowledgment, before another soft rumble settles through the room, and the door the bomb is behind starts to groan softly. Which brings you to the second realization, that in saving all of your lives, Miller possibly doomed the others. Because the door he threw the bomb behind is the door that leads to the rest of the bunker. It’s the door that leads to the stone, in the rec room with Jackson, Murphy, Emori, and Raven. 

Miller immediately pries the door in question off the hinges with one of the spears from the arena, revealing a doorway of stacked concrete, confirming what you already knew. The others are trapped down below, and the rest of you are trapped up here. You have access to the outside, but no way to reach the stone or the rest of your friends. You turn to look at Clarke, seeking out her counsel, despite still being angry with her. She gives you a desperate look, before a look of realization passes over her face. “We can still get to Madi.”

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small vial, three blue pills inside. You recognize them immediately as nano trackers, likely brought over by Sheidheda, the same ones Cadogan used to leave the bunker. Clarke unscrews the bottle and immediately dumps one out, preparing to swallow it, but Gaia closes the space between them and stops her hand from dropping the pill into her mouth. “Clarke, we have to think this through.”

“Gaia's right. Only the second pill’s for me.” Clarke looks over at you in surprise, not expecting you to take her side after what she did. But she killed Bellamy to protect Madi, and if something happens to Madi, then Bellamy and Gabriel died for nothing. All of it was for nothing. You refuse to let their deaths be in vain, which is why you hold your hand out for one of the pills, and Clarke quickly passes one to you. Behind you, Octavia speaks up, moving closer to you and Clarke. “We're gonna need an inside man.”

You both understand her statement for what it is: an offer to go with the two of you, so Clarke hands Octavia the third and final pill. All of you swallow them, one after the next, Octavia the last to do so, and you stand staring at each other, waiting to instantly disappear the way that Cadogan did. 

Except, you don’t.

The three of you stay firmly in place, looking at each other in absolute confusion. “Cadogan disappeared right away.”

“Why isn't this working?”

Hope answers you and Clarke both, shrugging a little as she does. “Maybe somebody has to be waiting in Bardo to pull you through.”

A strange look passes over Clarke’s face, half anger, half amusement, before settling into one of determination. She crosses the room in three strides, stopping at the door to the rest of the bunker, clamping her hands down on the first piece of stone she sees. She pulls, letting out a cry of effort as she does, the concrete moving nowhere. She tries again, her hands slipping off the stone, likely scratching her the way they did when the two of you tried to dig to this very same bunker, and you shake your head before moving towards her. “Clarke.”

She doesn’t turn around, determinedly yanking at the stones and sliding off them, making no progress, going nowhere, but still trying nonetheless. “We have to get to Madi! Cadogan could be digging into her brain right now.”

You reach out for her, grabbing her arm and spinning her towards you. “Clarke! We spent days trying to dig our way to the bunker before we nearly died in that collapse, and this is no different. You’re gonna dislodge a stone and get yourself killed if you keep this up, and you’re no use to Madi if you’re dead.”

She sets her jaw, and you think she’s about to start a fight with you before her eyes drop and her gaze softens. “Your shoulder.”

You peer down at your shoulder and the blood staining your shirt, the wound from Sheidheda still bleeding, the pain forgotten to you in the chaos of everything that’s happened since then. “It’s nothing.”

You try to shrug her off, stepping away from her, not wanting her comfort or her help, but she reaches out to grab your arm, her hand closing around one of the cuts on your forearm. She can feel the wetness on her hand as soon as she grabs you, and she immediately lets go of you and looks at you in alarm. “La lune!”

She grabs your hand and turns your arm over, eyes scanning the cuts on both of your forearms. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I honestly can't feel it. Adrenaline and all that.”

“Come here.” She tries to pull you to the side, and you don’t budge at first, but she gives you one of those looks that lets you know this is not negotiable, because your own words apply to you in this moment. You’re no good to Madi dead, and bleeding to death because you’re mad at Clarke is not the way to go. So when she tugs you to the side a second time, you let her, and she motions for you to sit across from her as she tears strips of cloth from the bottom of her shirt. The tension between the two of you temporarily melts away as she ties makeshift bandages around your forearms and shoulder, your access to real bandages nonexistent. You sit quietly as she fixes you up the best she can, before she finally breaks the silence to whisper, “I’m sorry about Bellamy, I swear I am. I didn’t want to do it, but I had to, to protect Madi. You can hate me forever, la lune, I’ll understand.”

You sit in silence for a second, weighing her words, and you can tell from the anguish in her voice that she means it. But that doesn't erase all of your feelings instantly, as much as you wish it did. You wish you could erase the hurt and the grief and the anger, but you can’t. It’s still raw and open, weighing on you at every moment. “Clarke, you’re my shining star. You’re a part of me. I understand why you did what you did, and I understand why you feel like it was the only choice. But that doesn't change the fact that Bellamy is dead and you pulled the trigger. I don't hate you, I don't think I ever could, but I don't forgive you either, at least not yet. Hopefully one day I’ll forgive you and we can move past this, but right now, I'm too damn hurt and angry.”

She nods her head, looking up at you with tears in her eyes. “I understand. If it helps, I regret it. I don't think I’d do it again, especially if I knew that Madi was just gonna turn herself in despite everything.”

You say nothing for a long second, your voice a soft whisper, cracking with emotion when you say, “I just wish I could have said goodbye. I gave him back the ring, you know, and he died thinking I didn't love him, but I do. I love him with my whole heart, my entire being. He’s my soulmate, and he died thinking that I hate him.”

You feel your bottom lip quiver before tears start to spill down your face, and you see tears in Clarke’s eyes before she pulls you in for a hug, holding you as you cry for Bellamy. And in this moment, you allow yourself to forget what happened to him, focusing only on the fact that he’s gone. You allow your twin to comfort you, hold you close, softly humming Clair de lune in your ear until you start to calm down again. And even after the two of you break apart, you stay side by side, unable to leave each other’s side, even now, when everything between you is tense and weird.

Indra is the first to break the silence and tension hanging over the room. “We should discuss the plan. Clarke, la lune, and Octavia bring us over. We get Madi and kill their leader.”

Gaia jumps down from the perch she was on, walking towards her mother. “Killing Cadogan won't change anything.”

“He can't chase us if he's dead.”

She shakes her head at Indra trying to get her to understand. “You've seen faith, Mother. You kill the Commander, another takes her place. You kill the Fleimkepa, another takes his place. Faith doesn't just die, it gets carried forward. Cadogan's people are no different.”

Miller asks the question that you’re all beginning to wonder. “Then how does this end?”

“Bellamy asked that question, too.” You all look towards Octavia, the mood sobering even further at the mention of Bellamy. “One Last War, and then we transcend and we become the light.”

Across the room, Jordan breaks his silence. “It's a beautiful idea, but fighting is not how we get there. War is a failure of everything. Which is why it's a test, not a war.”

“Test, war, test, war. The disciples have been studying the Bardo texts for over 1,000 years. You really think you know better?”

Jordan turns to Hope, answering her question with complete confidence. “Yes. And it's not just that I read some old books, I felt it. That red sun toxin showed me something. I couldn't figure it out, but I knew it was important, and then I read the Bardo texts, and it hit me... the next step in human evolution.”

You can feel Clarke going more restless with each passing second, until she abruptly stands and snaps, “Nonsense.”

Everyone turns to face her after the outburst, but she avoids everyone’s eyes as she stalks up the ramp towards the exit. “All that matters now is saving Madi and killing Cadogan. There's no Last War or test. Bellamy's dead because he believed that crap, and I've heard enough!”

You look after her retreating figure, wondering if you should go after her. Everything between the two of you is weird, and your anger is telling you to stay, bristling at the casual way she mentioned Bellamy’s death. But your softer side, the part of you that’s connected to her, it’s telling you to go after her, comfort her, despite what she did. Gaia seems to sense your conflict, because she steps towards you with a smile and whispers, “I got it.”

You nod in thanks, relieved that you don’t have to decide, before sitting back down and beginning the excruciating process of waiting once more. You’re quickly realizing that there’s nothing you hate more than waiting: waiting to fight, waiting to escape, waiting to die. Because waiting is usually silent, and that silence easily morphs into your regrets, and fears, and worries. It’s when you think about everything you've done wrong and everything you haven't yet gotten the chance to do. There’s time to think of who you’ve killed and who you’ve lost, which opens up the door to the painful memories that usually stay locked deep in your brain, in that place you try to keep hidden from everyone, including yourself. 

Waiting is suffocating, and in the time you’ve spent on Earth, Sanctum, Skyring, and Bardo, you’ve already done too much of it. 

You stand, starting to pace around the rotunda, the way Bellamy used to pace when he first got back from space. The same habit he turned to when he had to wait. And as your feet move you around the room in continuous circles, you start to understand. It’s rhythmic, the way your feet carry you across the floor, boots thudding softly against the metal, and each time you walk past Hope, the thuds stutter, your footsteps softened by an uneven spot on the floor. 

As you pace around the room, you force your mind to stay on the safe topics. The ones that don't involve painful memories or the ghosts that seem to stalk you. Instead, you keep things light, reciting constellations and medicinal plants, anything to keep your mind occupied. A few times you slip up, your thoughts drifting to what Bellamy was thinking in his final moments, as he bled out on Sanctum alone. You start to worry about Madi and what she’s going through without you, cursing yourself for not getting to her sooner and stopping her from leaving. You think about Gabriel and his final words to you, what they meant... You shake your head, clearing the spiral of memories and grief, shifting back to your safe topics, ignoring the thoughts that are begging to pull you down.

You only pause your pacing once, when Clarke and Gaia come out of the decontamination room and take up a spot on the ramp, sitting across from each other cross legged, Gaia talking to your twin softly. You resume your pacing, glancing at them every few minutes, realizing that Gaia must be teaching Clarke to calm her mind the way she taught Madi to. 

But Clarke’s peace is short lived, and within minutes she’s standing, her voice rising as she glares down at Gaia. “How do you expect me to focus right now when my daughter is out there, probably being tortured right now?”

“You think I don't know that?” Gaia stands abruptly, and you pause your pacing to watch them. She gives Clarke an anguished look, her voice dropping slightly when she adds, “I love her too, Clarke.”

A look of sympathy passes over Clarke’s face before she reaches out and pulls the former Flamekeeper into a hug. “I know, I know, I'm sorry.”

You’re about to start pacing again, the conflict seemingly resolved, when you catch a glimpse of green around Clarke. She pulls away from Gaia, her hands starting to disappear, and she turns to look at you with a smile. “It's working.”

Clarke disappears in a haze of emerald, leaving you to turn and look at Octavia, “I’m next.”

Miller yells out to you, “La lune, catch!”

You turn towards him, catching the pistol he tosses your way, seconds before you too fade away from the bunker. All around you, the world is green, bright and hazy, until it fades into a darker hue. It takes a second for you to realize that you’re not in the Stone Room, but in the oxygen farm, surrounded by an army of disciples, all of them pointing weapons right at you and Clarke. You raise the pistol that Miller tossed to you, you and Clarke aiming back at the disciples, and Octavia appears a second later, instantly lifting her rifle.

A disciple near the font of the armed group looks towards you and loudly yells, “Drop your weapons! Hands in the air!”

Octavia drops her weapon first, lifting her hands in surrender, and you and Clarke exchange a look before you both follow suit. Despite not wanting to surrender to the disciples, you both know you have no choice, and if you choose to take a stand here, it will only result in the three of you ending up dead. So you both drop your weapons and lift your hands in the air, following the commands of the disciples as they close in on you. The three of you are restrained and led past the waiting army, through the oxygen farm and the halls of Bardo until you’re delivered to a cell.

They release all three of you in one room, and you stand there for a minute, stunned by what just happened. “Why did we show up in the oxygen farm?”

Clarke shakes her head, “I don't know. But they’re preparing for a war, which means they have Madi and she’s in trouble.”

She plops down onto the nearest bed in frustration, dropping her head into her hands before she starts to softly cry. Octavia sits down beside her, offering her comfort, the moment soon overshadowed by someone singing. And not just someone, Sheidheda. He sings the Grounder Anthem, “Take a Life With Me”, over and over on a loop, until there is no sadness left in your prison cell, only frustration. 

You take up pacing again as nothing you do drowns out the awful, annoying sound, which continues repeatedly, until you’re sure you’re about to lose your mind. You can sense Clarke growing tense too, her body starting to fidget more and more until she finally yells out, “Shut up!”

But Sheidheda doesn't shut up, he just keeps singing without a care in the world. Clarke looks at you with worry and frustration, her eyes wide, her nerves frazzled. “We did all that just to end up back here, locked up in a cell next to Sheidheda.”

“We'll get Madi back.” You don’t say anything beyond that, your anger at her now back in full force now that you’re back in Bardo, but you do let out a sigh, frustrated that your emotions are so all over the place. You wonder what Anders would say about you now, watching you pace the room like a caged animal, angry and frustrated and ready to destroy Bardo if you have to.

You’re pulled back to the present by Clarke sighing loudly, looking doubtful about your assurance of finding Madi, which Octavia notices. She puts a hand on Clarke’s knee, whose gaze shifts over to the younger Blake. “Think about it: someone brought us here. That means we have help on the inside, it's just a matter of time.”

Clarke nods, contemplating her words, realizing the truth to them, and she’s quiet for a moment before whispering, “Thank you.”

Something about her tone makes you pause, and you stop in front of her as Clarke’s gaze shifts between you and Octavia. “Both of you. Thank you for offering to come.”

Octavia answers first, “I told you I get it now, what she means to you. It's what Hope means to me.”

“It's what we meant to Bellamy.” Clarke and Octavia look towards you, the mood dampening the way it does when you all remember that Bellamy is gone, for real this time. You’re surprised you even said it, and you have to fight against the tears that are threatening to rise, glancing between the two women you call sister. “We were everything to him.”

Octavia whispers, “That's how I'll remember him.”

Clarke reaches out to grab your hand and you let her, before she reaches for Octavia’s hand too, the three of you sitting together as a small human chain, mourning the loss of Bellamy. And as the three of you mourn, tears streaming down your faces, the door to your cell opens. Clarke and Octavia stand beside you and turn to see Levitt hovering near the entrance, smiling at Octavia. She moves towards him, and as the pair hugs, you get a flash of disappointment. Part of you hoped that it would be Bellamy here to save you, despite seeing his body bleeding out on the palace floor in Sanctum. Something you remind yourself of as Clarke mutters, “Hate to interrupt, but we need to get to Madi. What’s the plan?”

Levitt and Octavia pull apart, and he looks between the three of you, growing anxious. “I don't know. Isn't this your guys' specialty? How would you do it?”

Octavia thinks for a second and then says, “Use the suits, go invisible.”

“No, that won't work. Too many disciples with helmets around.”

Clarke shrugs, “Then we come in hot, and we take them all out.”

You shake your head, instantly disagreeing. If the disciples are preparing for a war, then Clarke’s right. Madi is in danger now. You have no doubt that you, Clarke, and Octavia could come in and take the disciples out with ease, but how long will that give you? Five minutes? Ten? It’s loud and it’s messy, and it’ll put a target on your backs. You need a distraction, something to pull the disciples away from M-Cap, giving the four of you time to find Madi and get her to safety. You search your brain for a different plan, struggling to come up with anything, thanks to Sheidheda’s obnoxious singing. 

And that’s when it comes to you. 

You look between the three of them, smiling, pointing to the room next door. “Or we create a distraction.”

Realization passes over each of their faces, and you know you’re all on the same page. “Good idea.” 

Levitt heads to the door of your cell and reaches for a bag that he left behind, tossing each of you a gun before leading you from your room and to the next cell over. He quickly pulls the door scanner from the wall, attaching a few wires to a tablet from his bag and typing in a code. He removes the tablet and tucks it away before reattaching the scanner and pushing the button. The door to Sheidheda’s cell slides open, and you, Clarke, and Octavia go in weapons hot, aiming directly at the man in the room. He stops singing when he hears your entrance, turning slowly to look at the three of you glaring in anger, Levitt waiting just behind you. “Well, since no one's shooting, I suppose that means you need me.”

He laughs a little and stands to his feet, musing, “What would Madi think?”

Clarke lowers her gun and lunges at him, intending to hit him, but you reach out and grab her arm to stop her. “Clarke!”

Sheidheda laughs, looking you over, taking in your bandages and the blood that’s still on your face, a mix of Gabriel’s and your own. “I got the doctor good, didn't I? Tell me, did he make it?”

And this time, it’s your turn to lunge, dropping Clarke’s arm and reaching for the man, seeing only red, your anger raw with grief. But Octavia grabs you, pulling you back, yelling out, “That’s enough, all of you! We need to stop Cadogan.”

You take a breath, calming yourself, aware that you need the man in front of you to save your niece and stop Cadogan from winning. Which means, for now, you’ll play alongside him. But if he makes it out of here and you get the chance, you’ll kill him for what he did to Gabriel and Madi. 

Sheidheda shrugs at Octavia’s words, growling a little, “I tried, and for my troubles, they locked me up here.”

Clarke doesn't care, blowing past his complaint to snap, “Here's the deal. I'd love to kill you, but you're right, we need you. We set you loose, and you draw the disciples away from M-Cap.”

“I'm not some petty distraction. I'm the high king of Sanctum.”

You roll your eyes, “Okay, Your Highness. Then we walk out of here and lock the door behind us.”

He sneers at you, giving you an annoyed smile. “Hmm, distraction it is.”

You motion towards the door with your gun. “Then let’s go.”

Levitt leads the way to M-Cap, the rest of you keeping your guns trained on Sheidheda, but you stop when you reach the last few hallways to your destination. You can hear people nearby, likely standing guard or prepping for the war, and you motion towards Sheidheda as you all duck out of sight. He smiles before he steps away, and you can hear the moment he catches sight of the disciples. “Attention, sheep. I'm here to kill your Shepherd.”

You can hear one of the guards yelling commands, followed immediately by the sounds of fighting. Gunshots ring out in the air, accented by screams of pain, but you all stay hidden in a nearby corridor until the sounds grow fainter and fainter, Sheidheda clearing the halls ahead of you. Once you hear no more fighting, you tentatively slip from your hiding spot and walk down the hall, rounding the corner to find blood splashed along the walls and dead bodies scattered everywhere. You shake your head at the violent scene in front of you, thinking that surely Sheidheda didn’t need to be so brutal. Still, he got the job done, because there’s no one in sight to stop your approach.

Unfortunately, there is also no sign of Sheidheda. “He's not here?”

Clarke turns to look back at Octavia. “We knew that was a possibility, we'll deal with Sheidheda later.”

Levitt looks around at the bodies littering the floor, carefully stepping around dark red puddles of blood, his voice horrified when he whispers, “I grew up with these people.”

“That's war, Levitt.” Octavia turns to glance at him, offering him no sympathy for the horror he’s experiencing. “It looks exciting in hologram mode, but this is the reality.”

Clarke shakes her head, grabbing a few grenades as she walks past the bodies, barely glancing back at the couple as she continues on her way. “Come on. Right now, all that matters is getting to Madi.”

You all follow her down the halls towards M-Cap, your guns raised, ready for a fight with each new hallway you turn down. But you find no one, this section of Bardo completely empty, everyone gone in pursuit of Sheidheda. “Looks like our diversion worked.”

As you reach the door to M-Cap, Clarke nods towards it. “Levitt, you go in first. They won't see you as a threat.”

He nods, and Octavia quickly pushes the button to the room, and as the door slides open, you all get into position and step inside behind Levitt. The first thing you notice is that someone is humming, the tune comforting and familiar. The second thing you notice is Madi, sprawled out in the M-Cap chair, someone’s arms around her. And when that someone looks up, you swear you’re dreaming. 

Because it looks like Bellamy.

“Bellamy?” You freeze in place, the gun in your hand clattering to the floor as you stare at him in shock. He looks up at all of you, his expression surprised, clearly not expecting to see you here. He’s out of the white robes and into a white top and bottom combo, the same thing that Gabriel used to wear, and you’re relieved to see no blood on his clothes. He looks a little tired, and his curly hair is unruly, flopped all over the place, but he looks fine. Healthy even, no sign that he was recently dead. 

Clarke seemingly breezes past the fact that Bellamy is alive and well, her gaze solely focused on Madi, and he releases his hold on her to allow Clarke the room to take over. He stands, looking at you closely, his expression blank for a moment, and you worry that he’s even more brainwashed than the last time you saw him. But then his expression morphs into one of relief, and he steps around the M-Cap chair to walk towards you. “La lune.”

His voice is warm and thick with affection and emotion, and you start to run towards him, tears welling up in your eyes as he jogs towards you. He meets you halfway across the room, scooping you up in his arms and spinning you once, before putting your feet firmly back on the ground, his arms holding you tight. He tucks his head into the crook of your neck, and you can hear him crying as he whispers, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I should have never betrayed you. I should’ve listened to you.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” You pull away to look at him, tears running down his face and your own, and you whisper, “I love you. Oh my god, I love you, and I'm sorry I left you. I didn't want to, but-”

He cuts you off, “No, you were right to leave me. And you were right about Cadogan.”

It’s like the words remind him of something, and he turns to look at the others. “Levitt, something is wrong with Madi. Cadogan did something to her.”

You all turn to look at him in shock. “What?”

Levitt immediately crosses the room to grab the glasses that the disciples use for M-Cap, and for the first time since grabbing her, Clarke pulls away from Madi, realizing that Bellamy’s right, something is wrong with her. You miss the reunion between the Blake siblings as you rush over to your niece, though you can hear them quietly talking behind you. You look down at Madi in horror, catching onto what Bellamy meant. Madi’s eyes are open, but her expression and her eyes are blank, no sign of recognition in either of them. Her heartbeat is strong, but her body is limp, moving only when one of you moves her. 

Clarke looks at you with tears in her eyes, and you feel tears in your own, both of you starting to cry as Clarke turns her teary expression back to Madi. “Madi, look at me. Say something. Please say something.”

Madi remains frozen, and Clarke lets out a panicked yell, “Say something!”

But still, Madi doesn't move, and Clarke pulls her into her arms, holding her tight as she sobs, rocking her back and forth, “Oh, my baby. My baby. My baby.”

You start to cry harder, not wanting to hear or see Clarke’s heartbreak, not wanting to see Madi’s blank expression, but you can't look away. You don't look away when you feel Bellamy slide up beside you, slipping his hand into your own, you don't look away when you hear Octavia and Levitt talking quietly behind you. You keep your eyes on your little sun and your shining star, unable to do anything other than cry at the scene before you. 

Clarke lays Madi back down, before turning her teary face back to you, her eyes landing on Bellamy in the process.  You see surprise pass over her face, meaning she really didn't register his presence when you all stepped into the room. But her surprise turns to anger as she glares at him, “What happened? What did he do to her?”

Bellamy shakes his head, looking just as upset as the rest of you, tears streaming down his face too. “I don’t know. When I heard she was here, I came looking for her immediately. She was like this when I found her. Cadogan was already gone.”

“You said you’d keep her safe!”

Bellamy stutters a little, his voice thick with emotion. “I tried, Clarke, but I woke up in a hospital bed. I left as soon as I heard she was here, but it must have been hours after her arrival by that point.”

Clarke’s expression turns horrified as she takes in the weight of his words. He got to her as soon as he could to try to help her. But the reason it took him so long to reach her is because he was in a hospital bed. Put there by Clarke. You reach out for her, squeezing her shoulder to stop her train of thought. “Hey, hey, hey, this is not your fault. This is Cadogan’s fault.”

Bellamy whispers, “You couldn't have known.”

And though he doesn't outright say it, you know that his words are forgiveness. Bellamy offers his forgiveness to Clarke for shooting him, her anguish over Madi punishment enough. He offers her the olive branch, and it’s up to her to take it. Thankfully, she does, looking at Bellamy with genuine regret. “I shouldn't have shot you, Bellamy. I panicked, and didn't know what to do.”

“No, you were right to. I don't blame you for shooting me, it was part of a wake up call for me. La lune giving me back her ring, you shooting me, finding Madi like this, they all woke me up to the truth about Cadogan: he’s a monster. A psychopath obsessed with being worshipped, just like he was on Earth.”

And everything is simultaneously okay and not okay, because the confession is big, but none of you get the time to respond to it, because Octavia steps up beside Clarke, looking between all of you. “She can hear you. She knows you're here.”

Clarke nods and turns back towards Madi, trying to hide her tears as she smiles. “Hey, baby, I'm here. I'm right here.”

You lean down into Madi’s line of sight, doing the same to mask your hurt as you whisper, “Hey there, little sun. Ani’s here too.”

Clarke turns to face Levitt, who’s still standing off to the side. “Is it recoverable?”

“What? I-” The question catches him off guard, not sure if he should answer, but after a second, he solemnly shakes his head. “No. The areas of her brain responsible for voluntary movement have been destroyed. I'm sorry.”

The words make all of you start to cry harder, now faced with the reality that Cadogan has paralyzed Madi permanently in the pursuit of transcendence. It's enough to make you sick to your stomach. But that feeling only intensifies as Clarke glances off to the side, where her discarded pistol now lays, and after a moment of thought, she leans down to get it. You know exactly what she’s thinking because you know her better than she knows herself, and you shake your head, your voice soft and firm. “Clarke, no.”

She starts to cry harder, her hands shakily lifting the gun, determined to do what she thinks is right for Madi. But the sight breaks your heart, as Clarke can barely hold the gun steady, too overcome with emotion. Your twin that has bore it so the rest of you don't have to is breaking, and you know you need to be there for her. Which is why you drop Bellamy’s hand and reach out for the gun. “I’ll do it.”

She looks at you, expression heartbroken but hopeful, and you whisper, “I'm not letting you live with this.”

She nods a little, passing you the gun, which you take with now shaky hands. Clarke reaches out for Madi, putting a hand on either side of her face as she whispers, “I love you so much. Don't be scared, just listen to my voice, okay?”

And just like Bellamy was doing before all of you arrived, she starts to hum Clair de lune, ducking her head beside Madi’s so she can't see her tears. You lift the gun with a shaky hand, your own tears blurring your vision, aiming the pistol at her chest. But as you stare down at the blank expression of your little sun, you don't think you can do it, the burden too great for any of you to bear. You start to cry harder, a sob escaping from your chest, and Clarke looks over at you, nodding a little, letting you know that it’s okay, it’s time. 

But you can’t. You stare down at Madi’s face, reminded of the girl that couldn't speak English when you met her, who caught Clarke with a bear trap. The little girl you taught how to drive, how to fight. The girl who inspired an army to fight for Shallow Valley. You shake your head a little, unable to do it, your hand starting to lower again. But then Bellamy reaches out and closes his hand over your own. You look back at him, and he looks at you, tears falling down his face as he whispers, “Together.”

You nod, and the two of you turn to face Madi, lifting the gun to aim right over her heart. And as your finger lifts to the trigger, Bellamy’s finger poised over your own, ready to help you, you whisper, “I love you, little sun.”

But before the two of you can pull the trigger, Levitt suddenly calls out, “No, he got the code!”

You pause and you all turn towards him in shock, and he catches sight of the gun in your hand, suddenly apologetic. “Oh, God. Oh, I'm sorry.”

Octavia asks, “The test code? Are you sure?”

“Hologram mode.”

He enlarges the memory so you can all see, watching as Becca’s fingers press the symbols on the Anomaly Stone, the room glowing in white before the memory ends. Clarke shifts her gaze from the memory down to Madi, her heartbreak giving way to hard anger. “He got what he needed and left her here?”

The words hit all of you right in the chest. This man that is so determined to transcend, to prove that humans are worthy, paralyzed a child to do it, and then left her alone. Bellamy was right when he called Cadogan a monster, and you can feel Wanlida smiling as she steps into view. “We have to stop him.”

Octavia starts, “If one man represents the entire human race-”

Bellamy finishes, “It can't be him.”

Levitt nods, looking between all of you. “We can still stop him, but we have to go now.”

Everyone seems to silently agree, and you and Clarke turn back to Madi. Clarke puts her hand on Madi’s cheek, and you reach out to squeeze Madi’s hand. Clarke whispers, “I'll come back. I'll be back after we stop the test, and I promise I will not let him win.”

She presses a kiss to Madi’s forehead, and leans back so you can add, “We’re going to stop him, Madi, and we’re going to fix this. I promise. Bill Cadogan thinks he’s unstoppable, but he’s never met Wanheda and Wanlida.”

-

next chapter

[featherfur]

Big Knife Meet Little Blind Ch.2

Xue Yang meets A-Qing before he meets Xiao Xingchen and decides he needs a disciple. Somehow he ends up with a kid, a heart, and an absolute mess of a cultivation world.

Warnings: Gore, Blood, Murder, Questionable Child Rearing, Xue Yang and A-Qing's potty mouth, Xue Yang isn't a good person and needs to get there, will eventually be SongXiaoXue

Read me on Ao3,

Read Chapter 1

Xue Yang returned home much more relaxed and even entertained the idea of taking his next day off to travel down to Yunmeng with A-Qing to let her try osmanthus cakes. She’d probably enjoy the river boats and he could afford a trip there and back if he annoyed Jin Guangyao into paying him early.

“A-Qing, are you still crying like a baby?” He called cheerfully towards the shack, kicking open the door and blinking when he found it completely empty.

The hearth was still cold and the soup from last night was gone so A-Qing had returned after he sent her off. The blankets for their bed were still made like A-Qing insisted on doing every morning, even the hidden pouch of money was still tucked in the jar of seasonings on the top shelf. Yet A-Qing was nowhere to be found.

Where the hell had the brat gone?

Had she run off because he scared her? If she could get over a fierce corpse devouring and murdering humans she shouldn’t be such a coward just because he got pissed and stabbed someone. It wasn’t like he was going to stab her. If he did that then he’d have to go through the trouble of finding another disciple and he liked his.

“A-Qing!” He shouted, mentally convincing himself that he wasn’t worried at all. After all, he could always get another brat right?

A second later the door swung open and he spun, Jiangzai already before him. Luckily for him, A-Qing was still much too small for his stab to be in her general area.

She collided with him forcefully and he was about to reprimand her when he realized she was clutching onto him.

“Eh? Why are you crying brat? Did you think I wasn’t coming back?” He snapped even as he sheathed Jiangzai and crouched down so he could look her over. She was fine beyond a few scratches and he rolled his eyes at her dramatics, he really should have killed her and grabbed an older brat. They didn’t cry nearly as much.

“Yang-ge, someone tried to break the door! They wanted to kill me.. They kept yelling for you. You weren’t here.” A-Qing sobbed, the irritation that rose in Xue Yang at her obnoxious crying was immediately flooded with the fury that anyone would dare scare his A-Qing. “You didn’t come home… I-I-I hid… I hid where you told me too. Then I heard you.”

Well atleast, some of his words had gotten through her thick skull.

“Who was it?” He barked, groaning when she just kept crying. He smacked her cheek and she blinked blearily up at him.

“Answer me brat, who was it?”

She shook her head, trying to tug herself closer to his chest and he pushed her back with a disgusted noise. She was covered in snot and tears and he didn’t want to have to wash his clothes so soon. It was disgusting and he liked to play with corpses.

She just snuffled loudly despite his glare and hold on her shoulders, still reaching out to him.

“I don’t know, I promise I don’t know.” She swore, grabbing hold of his forearms with a vice-like grip. It would have been impressive if she wasn’t so damn annoying.

Xue Yang stared at her, wondering if he could smack her again to make her shut up but she just blinked her white eyes at him with unwavering trust. An unfamiliar feeling built in his chest and he released his grip on her shoulders.

She rocketed into his chest with a fresh wave of sobbing, clinging onto him with a strength that surprised him. He fell back onto his ass, crossing his legs under him as A-Qing curled in his lap.

He pulled Jiangzai out as a precaution, wondering if A-Qing would panic like before. To his pleasant surprise, as soon as the blade was resting on his knee in easy reach she finally started to calm.

Her small fingers were tangled in his robes and he reached up to pat them in a move of comfort that completely surprised himself. Then again, he didn’t like breaking his own toys so treating them properly was the best way to make sure they survived. Even if he was confused by his own actions, A-Qing had started to calm and her obnoxious crying had finally ceased so Xue Yang counted it as a win.

Still, a steady wave of anger was still sliding through him. Someone had tried to break into his house and scared what was his. Even if her own clumsiness was what caused her scratches, she wouldn’t have had to run if it wasn’t for those bastards. They owed him.

Xue Yang was going to get even, tonight. He’d had a really bad day and it was time to make it someone else’s problem.

He waited for A-Qing to fall asleep before he moved back to his feet, keeping one arm under her so she could rest against his shoulder. With a child on his right and Jiangzai on his left he stepped out of the house and started to make his way around the house.

There were indeed footprints that weren’t from him, two sets in fact leading back to the local village. They weren’t familiar to him, but that just meant it wasn’t anyone from the Jin sect. There were plenty of others who wanted him dead or beaten black and blue.

He returned to the house to drop A-Qing off but she woke the moment he put her down.

“Yang-ge, are you leaving again?” She asked, her bottom lip wobbling and he poked her cheek to startle her.

“Don’t start that crying shit, got it? Yes I am, stay here.”

Rather than listening she just bolted forward to hold onto his leg instead.

“Yang-ge don’t leave me, take me with you.”

Xue Yang kicked her off, waving Jiangzai between them to keep her from trying again. Yet she still just wobbled back up to her feet with that stubborn streak that made him take her in the first place.

The temptation to give her a reason to fear Jiangzai was almost irresistible, a few more cuts wouldn’t do anything other than scare her after all. Xue Yang was good at swordsmanship, a few slices like paper cuts would be perfect for getting her to remember her place. He flicked the sword up with a twist of his wrist and was about to slice down across the reaching hand.

“You’re… going to kill them… right?” She said and Xue Yang paused long enough for her to grab his robes again and reach up towards Jiangzai. “Like earlier.”

“No, not like earlier. I’m going to kill them myself. Now let go or I’ll kill you first.” Xue Yang warned with a growl but she barely even blinked.

“Take me with you.”

That made him lower the sword with curiosity, tilting his head down at the dirty little brat he’d stuck in his house. There was a sudden panic in his mind, like when he’d come home to find A-Qing missing, at the idea of her being anywhere near murderers. She was tiny! He could kill her with a half kick to the head and she wanted to go with him?

“Why?”

“You left and it was scary.” She said simply, letting go of his robes to hold her arms up to him. “Take me with you.”

“Little Blind,” He said ignoring her scowl, “you do know I’m going to kill. Like the man before. You cried like a little bitch not even twelve hours ago.”

He remembered that she was roughly five when she just blinked up at him and waved her hands. Right. She’d watched last time.

The panic started to drain quickly and he shrugged.

Whatever. If she died then fuck her, he’d burn her corpse or bring her back for his experiments. Oh that was an idea.

He hummed to himself as he bent just enough to swipe her legs out from under her with his arm and leave her perched on his hip and elbow.

If she died she could make a wonderful little subject to see about finally recreating a conscious corpse like the Ghost General. It really was too bad that he was completely loyal to Wei Wuxian, Xue Yang could have used a babysitter.

“If you start crying I’ll leave you in the chest cavity after I break it open.” Xue Yang threatened her and she just gave him that same confused blink. He scoffed and grabbed a cloak to toss over her and made his way out.

He was going to have to fix her poor vocabulary soon. She was great at playing a beggar for a kid, but she really missed the point of his threats and that wasn’t going to stand.

“Do you remember what the bastards sounded like? The ones who came looking for me,” Xue Yang added irritably when she continued her blinking habit. That jogged her memory and she nodded, looking out towards the approaching town.

Night had already started to fall and the last rays of light were quickly disappearing as lanterns were lit instead. Xue Yang grumbled to himself as he realized the footprints would soon be invisible but he couldn’t risk putting A-Qing down for a fire talisman or to sheathe Jiangzai even for a few seconds.

“He… He sounded like the… the…” A-Qing pouted as she tried to remember and Xue Yang suddenly understood why people found kid’s cute. If she wasn’t so annoying, A-Qing would be adorable for a little stray, she was just like a cat that never shut up.

“The pig man!” A-Qing finally declared happily, smiling at Xue Yang and lost the adorable look when Xue Yang just felt annoyed instead.

“I thought you said you didn’t know who they were.”

“I don’t. One of them sound like the pig man… He wasn't the pig man.”

Xue Yang jerked his arm to make her squeal in fear of being dropped. Then he realized what it was that she was saying.

“You mean he has the same accent as the butcher?”

Right, Xue Yang thought as she blinked blankly at him, she’s five she doesn’t know what accent means.

“You have the ugliest face.” He finally told her, grumbling when her thin fingers shoved into his cheek.

“Yang-ge don’t be mean to A-Qing.” She admonished like it was bath day and not a trip to kill a man.

“Okay brat, I get it, keep your hands off my face or I’ll bite them off.” He snapped his teeth in her direction and she retracted her hands quickly with puffy cheeks and pouty lips. The second time wasn’t nearly as adorable but when she reached to wrap her arms around his neck again he let her without question.

Honestly he was waiting for her to fall asleep on his shoulder so he just evened out his footsteps and made his way through the back alley’s to the butchershop.

“Don’t make any noise unless I tell you too.” He warned, waiting until she nodded that she understood before he finally stepped behind the shop itself.

The candlelight wasn’t very bright so Xue Yang slipped closer, peering through the window at the small group. At first he only recognized the butcher himself, then he realized he did know the other two.

They weren’t anyone important but a few years ago Xue Yang had gutted their sister for smacking him, he hadn’t realized he’d been seen at all. They must have been hunting him since then and only just now caught up after he got stuck long-term in this damned town. He would have to clean that up eventually anyways.

Talk about two birds with one stone, he thought to himself and turned to lower A-Qing to the ground.

“Are you going to help me? Or do you just wanna watch?” He whispered and she shrank down against the wall of the house before reaching out to pat the hilt of Jiangzai. “Good girl, wait right here for Yang-ge.”

He straightened with a grin, patting her once on the head before sliding open the door silently and strolling through.

“Hello you two, I heard you were looking for me.” He chirped excitedly, holding up the well-known blade. “Really, you could have just left a note.”

“You.” One snarled.

“Xue Yang.” The other said and Xue Yang rolled his eyes, chuckling at their posturing.

“Don’t dirty my name, I’m rather fond of it.” He hummed, almost seeming to glide over the floor towards them as they stumbled back. “Actually, let me correct myself. You should have just left a note. Then I’d maybe be able to bring myself to be a bit merciful, Jin Guangyao’s been teaching me all about it.”

“Will you just- Shut up!” The butcher’s voice joined the mess and Xue Yang glanced at the knife he was wielding.

A loud laugh bubbled up as he saw it, swinging Jiangzai to point at the taller one.

“You really think you can do anything to me?” In response the knife came flying at his head and he sighed softly. A simple lean was all that was needed to leave the blade well out of range of his head and it struck the wall behind him instead.

“Now, I need a volunteer.” He said with another step forward. “See, my kid’s still new to all of this but she needs to learn, so who wants to help me teach her the different arteries to cut? The other two I’ll kill a little faster.”

“You killed our sister, after we kill you we’ll get your little brat and return the favor.” The youngest brother yelled in outrage, brandishing his own sword. It wavered in the air almost shaking as much as his owner was.

The smile disappeared from Xue Yang’s face and he flashed forward. With two strokes blood spurted from the two others’ throats. He left only the youngest to cower with a scream that was silenced a moment later when Xue Yang’s fingers grabbed his tongue and with a single slice was tossed behind him. The wail was easily stuffed out with a handful of the bastard’s own robes, forcing them down his throat until he choked and gagged.

“Found my volunteer.” Xue Yang pulled him to his knees by his hair, waiting impatiently for the neighbors knocking to cease. When no one answered they dispersed with mumbles about rowdy visitors and summoning the guards to complain.

Xue Yang dragged the man through the bloody mess on the floor, glancing back at the corpses with a mournful air.

If only I hadn’t brought A-Qing, then I’d have two new subjects to play with.

He hummed as he stood in the middle of the room, realizing that this was one of those moments that Jin Guangyao had told him about. Ones where Xue Yang should have planned better before jumping into slaughter.

He wanted to take his time and teach A-Qing a thing or two, but the bastard crying on the floor had warned everyone. If Xue Yang brought him back home to teach, then he’d have to deal with the smell of blood in his house and the potential of Jin disciples finding the body.

Jin Guangyao should be proud, Xue Yang thought proudly as he dropped the man on the ground and promptly sat on his stomach, I’m thinking it through and everything.

“A-Qing, come here.” He called, waving her forward and holding his arms open to tempt her even further. As expected, she bolted into his arms without a care for the carnage around her.

“Good girl, now, I’m going to show you this trick.”

A-Qing flinched slightly when the man they were sitting on wailed against the robe. Then she scowled and leaned over him to smack his cheek like Xue Yang did to her earlier. This one was much harsher than Xue Yang had been but it still managed to make the man freeze.

“Good girl,” Xue Yang cheered, the vicious mood from earlier seeming to dissipate as he squeezed her cheek. “Very good, now, listen to Yang-ge.”

A-Qing nodded her head rapidly as Xue Yang moved over the struggling man to trace a nail over his carotid artery with a rather proper explanation of death by exsanguination if he said so himself. He followed the man’s neck down to his windpipe, explaining how to slice it properly. The man still writhed so Xue Yang clamped down on his throat, squeezing it until the body spasmed and stopped moving.

“And that is choking. Don’t worry about that right now, you’re too tiny to do it.” Xue Yang said, tilting his head to listen to the slow moving footsteps of whatever the villagers had managed to gather for a guard to check. He sighed, resigning himself to bringing her to one of his experiments later and scooting her off to stand.

He twirled Jiangzai, humming to himself as he felt its blood lust, and held it against the unconscious man’s neck.

“Well? Do you remember what I just taught you?”

A-Qing glanced back and forth between the two of them with visible hesitation. Xue Yang supposed this could be a little fast, she’d only seen her first murder earlier in the day after all.

I’ll read those damn child raising books when I get home, maybe I should wait until she’s atleast six before committing human murder. Jin Guangyao said that was harder for most people to do.

Even as he planned to kill the man himself, A-Qing’s hand moved to Xue Yang’s and held the hilt of Jiangzai. She pushed carefully until the sword was just over the artery just like Xue Yang had taught her, then she plunged it forward.

Her white eyes were glowing with fascination as blood bubbled around the wound and, when Xue Yang pulled out, the way it sprayed before Xue Yang covered her from it with his black sleeve. Still, she moved to peek over his arm when it finally stopped spurting over them. She blinked in her curious way at the corpse then scowled over at Xue Yang.

“Your robe is all dirty. It’s bath day.” She said seriously, just like Xue Yang would say when he came home to find her filthy.

Xue Yang was in such a good mood he could only scoop her up as he sheathed Jiangzai and laugh as he skipped to the door. He paused midway through and bounced back to grab the purse on the butcher and the package before bolting as the acting guards started to bang on the door.

“Oops.” He hummed, looking around the alley before kicking off to land on the roof next door. Perhaps he didn’t think things through like he thought he did.

Whatever, He slipped the purse into his robe and started back towards home. He jumped on three more houses before deciding that was good enough and leaping to the ground to walk the rest of the way.

“Yang-ge?” A-Qing said sleepily against his shoulder. “Can I go to work with you again?”

“Sure, kid, I’ll bring you again later.” He hummed to himself, cheerfully waving the package of whatever he’d stolen through the air. He debated on chucking it against a tree just to see its contents but A-Qing’s sleepy snuffles distracted him instead.

She’d done so well already, this disciple shit really was working out a lot better than he thought it would. He was surprised she hadn’t even sobbed but then again, he hadn’t cried after his first kill either and he was only two years older than her then.

He glanced down at her as she promptly passed out, completely comfortable and safe in the arms of a murderer.

So this is why people have kids, they’re actually kind of cute when they listen.

He would have to figure out something about leaving her alone in case other enemies showed up, but maybe if he dug at the Ghost General enough he would finally get that ghost babysitter.

He almost turned to head towards the experimentation compound but a single glance at A-Qing’s sleeping form made him turn back towards home.

That can wait until tomorrow, A-Qing needs more sleep than me.

[deepperplexity]

Prompt: 1. Mistletoe 

A/N: The first day of SNAPEMAS! I'm so excited! I hope you will enjoy this and join me for SNAPEMAS with your creations!

Setting: Hogwarts

Pairing: Snape x Teacher!Reader

ABBR.: │(y/l/n) - Your Last Name │

Word count: 1728

Warnings: Kissing, a few harsh words

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // SNAPEMAS POST

December had arrived and you were, like many, overjoyed at the nearing holiday. Christmas was closing in, your favourite holiday and this year you'd spend it at Hogwarts just as you had in your youth. It was all so exciting; you could barely contain yourself as the day swiftly passed.

Hogwarts was slowly transforming into a winter-wonder-castle. It was absolutely wonderful to behold. Hagrid lumbering trees into the Great Hall, Flitwick and McGonagall hanging up garlands and decorations of all kinds. You yourself forming warm ice over pillars to make them glisten and sparkle. You did have a weakness for sparkling things; you had to admit that.

As dinner started you took your seat next to McGonagall. "Isn't it wonderful?" you chimed excitedly with happy eyes and a giddy smile. "Oh, I do agree, Ms/Mr (y/l/n)." McGonagall seemed as happy as you about the nearing holiday. "I can't wait to decorate my own space," you said as food appeared, "I have so many ideas!" you squealed as you picked up your utensils and was just about to tell McGonagall of your plans when a rumbling voice cut through the air.

"Do not forget, Ms/Mr (y/l/n), that it needs to be cleaned up after as well." You would have known that voice anywhere. That humming growl of a sneering man. Professor Snape, the dark brooding man with the grim expression and the deep onyx eyes that absolutely mesmerized you each and every time you peered into them. "Oh, pish-posh," you said without letting his somewhat deflating comment get to you, "that's a problem for January, professor, not December," you continued with a wide smile; as if you were trying to smile enough for the both of you. Why? You had no clue, but you wanted to see the man smile more.

Professor Snape simply huffed and gave a slight sneer before he headed off towards his seat on the other side of McGonagall. You shrugged and stabbed the food on your plate as you began to devour the meal while McGonagall talked about essays and whatnot. Your mind were more on the garlands, the glitter, the trees and Christmas stars you were planning to decorate with after dinner. After all, the dungeons could use some colour and warmth. Even if it were only your own quarters. Perhaps I'll decorate the hallway too, it could use some jolly cheer...

The rest of the dinner you ate and chatted with McGonagall as you sneaked a peek at Snape from time to time. he looked as stoic as ever. But he seemed to be listening in on the conversation as he shook his head from time to time or the corners of his lips tugged upwards a tad.

Christmas carols played on the radio, you hummed and danced around as you decorated your living quarters with swift flicks of your wand. The music grew ever louder as you kept raising the volume as you got more and more into the giddy mood. "And up you go," you sang out as you raised the fifth garland with glitter and silver balls tied to it with your wand. "Damdi-do, damdi-da, la, la, laa, la-la-laa" you sang to yourself as a muggle carol spewed loudly from the little radio and you waltz around the area. "And pop, there you go, and pop, pop, pop," you said in a jolly voice as you hung som bells in the ceiling.

A loud banging was suddenly heard from the door. You knitted your brows, what in the world- you thought as you walked over with rushed steps as the banging grew ever louder. Harsher. It appeared whoever was at the other side was trying, with all their might, to bang down the whole damn door apparently.

You opened it with a rushed tug and was met with a furious Professor Snape on the other side. "Keep that infernal noise down!" he growled with a sneer as he leaned towards you in his towering way. You simply tilted your head. "It's Christmas music, Snape," you stated flatly, unmoved by his anger as the man never did anyone any actual harm. Despite what everyone else seemed to think of him. "I know what it is," he snarled before he stalked in with long strides. His boot-clad feet pounded the stone floor.

He turned the radio down until barely any sound came from it and you knitted your brows, a bit agitated. You walked over to him and simply turned up the volume again. "My quarters, my choice," you simply stated as you crossed your arms over your chest. Snape raised an eyebrow and then sneered yet again as he turned the radio down once more. "My house, my rules," he drawled. You huffed and raised the volume again. "Holiday spirit, holiday music," you stated as you turned the volume even higher.

Snape huffed and you stared at him, challenged him yet again as none other appeared to do. His eyes endlessly deep and your chest tightened as thoughts of lonely Christmases and jolly-free holidays crossed your mind. He seemed burdened and lonely where he stood amidst all of your decorations - that frankly covered every surface in your space.

He lowered the volume again, "you are distracting the students." You gave the man a huff and rolled your eyes. "You're being ridiculous! I am not distracting anybody," you said and raised the volume once more, "Some people enjoy the holidays you know, just because you don't like it doesn't mean you get to ruin it for anybody else!" Your voice rose and rose as you spewed out the words toward the grim man who seemed to grow even angrier at you. He turned the radio off completely and then stalked out of the room.

You gaped at the door he had slammed shut before you huffed loudly, "the gal of that man!" You started the radio and raised the volume all the way up before you added an amplification spell and the music roared out of the little speaker. I'll teach you not to mess with my holiday spirit! A content smile spread across your lips as you quickly went to the door and pulled it open so the music spewed out in the hallway. A few doors down was Severus office and his door opened a mere second later as you stood in the hallways with a satisfied smirk. I'm not giving in that easily, you thought to yourself as he stormed towards you with a look of disdain and contempt all over that beautiful face of his.

You took precisely two steps toward him, a plan formed in your mind in that very moment. A plan that ought to teach him a lesson but also gave you the chance to finally do what you had dreamed of for months. "Will you turn that infernal racket down?!" he hollered in such a thunderous voice you actually trembled a bit. He was an intimidating man but you were more stubborn than a kniffler holding on to gold.

You waited, patiently as he took the last steps that were needed for him to meet you in the hallway. "You are impossible, will you turn that awful sound down (y/l/n)?!" he shouted over the loud music. You stood still, you needed him to take one more step. Just one more step and the little joke you had planned for students would give you your chance. "(y/l/n)?! Turn it-" There, he took that last step and you smiled with wicked glee. Despite your heart hammering and the twisting your stomach was doing.  

Before he could react, before you got cold feet, you raised up on your toes, grabbed the collar of his cloak and pressed your lips to his in a flurry of rushed movements. You kissed him harshly, deeply, despite him not answering back you pushed against him for nearly five seconds. You felt lightheaded, you couldn't hear the music any longer and his lips against yours were heavenly soft.

He was stiff as a rock, rigid as a mountain. As you leaned back and gave him soft smile, your cheeks blushed but you held his eyes locked in yours for a second before you glanced up with a little grin. "Mistletoe," you said softly as the amplification spell wore off and the volume lowered enough for it to not be blasted through the hallway any longer. He said nothing. He just gaped at you. His eyes bewildered, his body as frozen as an icicle. Well, at least he shut up. The thought made you both happy and sad as you had desperately hoped he would kiss you back.

But, perhaps you had misread him. The little smiles, the long looks, the nightly patrols - all the talking of everything from potions to favourite seasons - and all the late nights working together in his office. Perhaps, it meant nothing to him. Even though it meant the world to you as you had in fact fallen deeply in love with the dark man.

You kept the smile on your face as you let go of his collar and made to turn around. "I'll keep the music down," you said and your voice was a tad sad. Both for his non-response and the fact that you couldn't quite enjoy the holiday - your favourite holiday - in the way you wished.

In an instance is hand grabbed your wrist, he swung you around and back towards him. You had no time to even gasp before his hands cradled your face and his lips smashed desperately against your own. You melted and your response was instant.  You kissed, deeply. His hands trembled as your knees felt weak.

When he eventually leaned back and broke the contact you were breathing hard. He chuckled and a tight smile lingered on his lips. Your chest hammered as his thumb stroked once, twice, across your jawline. "Mistletoe," he said in that soft, almost purring, voice of thunder and you could have sworn his eyes twinkled as a decorated Christmas tree for you. Perhaps this Christmas would be nothing like you had imagined, but a thousand times better. You melted into his embrace as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do as he kissed you once more under the glimmering mistletoe.

IT IS FINALLY HERE! SNAPEMAS TIME!

This is the first prompt and I had so much fun writing this - I really hope you enjoyed this one and I am hoping I'll be able to do all of the prompts I came up with for this Snapemas - hoping!

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // SNAPEMAS POST

Tags: @lizlil​  Want to be tagged in my Masterlist or for Snapemas? Please tell me! :D 

[Dec:2020]

[itsclydebitches]

Hey Clyde! I'm not sure if you've been asked this before but why do you think the writers chose to have Cinder... cry? One one hand, I thought that scene was supposed to be a breaking point but on the other (and looking at the following episodes), did she cry to guilt Watts into helping her? I was already a little confused with that choice before but now I'm even more so.

Hey there, anon!

Yeah, it’s a messy scene, more because of what happens after it than because of the scene itself. No, I personally don’t think this was a calculated move to get Watts to help her. We could delve into whether Cinder is currently the kind of character to pull off a manipulation like that  — I’d say not  — but the main takeaway is that she doesn’t need to do that. Watts is ready and willing to get back to work, together. 

Well, the others may or may not be dead, but Salem will definitely be back and until she returns we need to figure out what to do. Cinder has no motivation for convincing Watts to work with her because Watts is already willing. It’s only when she starts suggesting more idiotic, ill-thought out “plans” that he tells her precisely why she’s failed in the past, but even post-death threat he doesn’t express any reluctance about working with her. Watts doesn’t say a thing between getting dropped back on the roof and Cinder shedding that tear.  

We admittedly do get some kind of emotion from Watts after he’s brought back onto the roof, but I read that more as a, “Holy shit I nearly died” reaction and not a “Oh no I’ve hurt Cinder’s feelings” one. If he was at all moved by her crying, he doesn’t show it. Watts doesn’t care. He said what he said and he stands by it. 

Rather, I lean more towards that first reading: “I thought that scene was supposed to be a breaking point.” Other critics were right to point out that Watts’ general accusations of her never having a plan/working with others are ridiculous —  we watched whole seasons of Cinder weaving intricate (by RWBY’s standards) plans with the White Fang and Roman —  but he’s right that she’s a mess now. Between throwing herself at Raven and then throwing herself at Penny, her “plan” of “Just be more powerful and win” is garbage. It’s not enough to be strong, you have to be smart too, and for the first time since Volume 3, Cinder seems to get that. This is also the volume where we get her backstory, a flashback to a time when she was powerless, and if we’re seeing those memories now, it stands to reason it’s because Cinder is thinking about them now. That was her past and, wouldn’t you know, it looks a lot like her present. She’s tortured by Salem, failing to seize the power she wants, and now Watts lays it all out in one neat, vicious package. He’s right. I’m a failure. Cue collapsing on the roof and having that dam break a bit in the form of a single tear. 

I, personally, was really intrigued by this development, simply because Cinder lacks development. The concept of her re-acquiring the patience and intellect she had in earlier volumes after regressing was a good one. Here’s a woman who craves power, finally achieved some (Amber’s Maiden powers), and in doing so expected everything else in her life to fall into place. When it didn’t  — when she was still losing fights and remained under Salem’s thumb  — she devolved into an impatient, crazed villain, creating a cycle where she was bound to continue losing so long as she acted this way. Watts’ accusations finally snap her out of that, with the added bonus of this “friendship is power” theme. RWBY strongly pushes that only those who work together can hope to succeed (Salem wants to divide, the Ace Ops supposedly couldn’t work as a team well enough to beat Team RWBY, etc.) and now here was Cinder re-learning how to rely on her allies. No more trying to shake Emerald when she wants to help attack Penny, no more ignoring Watts’ “we need a plan” to run off after the powers on her own, Cinder is finally ready to play smart again and that’s achieved largely though having a team she can also rely on, just like she did back in Volumes 1-3. That time when she won. If Team RWBY wins because they support and love one another, what’s going to happen if the villains start, well, not loving one another, but becoming evil friends? Why, they should become quite the force to reckoned with! And that’s presumably what we saw in Atlas’ HQs: Neo, Cinder, and Watts enjoying being evil together. They’re trading compliments, Neo is skipping through dead bodies... the villains that work together win together. 

The problem is... absolutely nothing comes of this. Cinder doesn’t actually get smarter, everyone else just gets dumber. This entire plan hinges on snagging the Relic and the Relic, in turn, hinges on Neo. Does Cinder do anything to trick or convince Neo that she’s truly reliable this time? No, Neo just goes stupid and hands over the Relic. Again. So Jinn gives Cinder all the information she needs and after things actually go well via teamwork  — Cinder distracts Team RWBY while Neo sneaks up  — she destroys that advantage by kicking Neo off the edge and burning Watts. Cinder’s success doesn’t even last a whole episode. Sure, she gets away with the Relics, but what she actually wanted, the Maiden power, is lost to her because it ended up being a 3v1 battle. If only Neo was around to fight Weiss while Cinder went after Penny! Funny how you self-sabotaged yourself. Again. 

This scene, like so much in RWBY, is fine on its own, but falls apart as the story progresses. Cinder’s revelation didn’t actually change her character, so fans are right to ask, “What was the point?” Well, the answer is that the point was lost, what the scene set up was quickly dropped, but the other way to approach this is to assume there must be a different point to the scene. Enter the “Cinder is sympathetic” reading. I’m not going to deny that this exists regardless of what else we might take away from the moment  — it’s hard to have any villain cry on screen and not question how much we’re supposed to feel for them. That’s something I’ve criticized regarding Raven  — but some fans have come to the conclusion that this is the scene’s only purpose. Which, when the story drops the other purpose, makes a certain amount of sense. This volume we watched Hazel suddenly sacrifice himself for the boy he was torturing, Emerald get buddy with the girl she was just trying to murder, and Ironwood go full, evil spotlight villain. Volume 8 made HUGE missteps when it came to flipping the moral divide, with the villains suddenly meant to be friends and the friends (including the Ace Ops) meant to be villains. It’s understandable that fans would wonder if Cinder is meant to be a part of that flip. Did you include her crying solely to try and convince me she’s not that bad? At least, not as bad as the evil Ironwood? And many fans are, rightly, upset about this attempt to pull on their heartstrings. Regardless of what else that scene might have been attempting to do  — whether this really was setup for Cinder’s development that the show failed to follow through on  — we can’t ignore the inherent problems in spending this much time (crying + backstory) making an unambiguous villain look all woobie, while simultaneously avoiding that work in the previously morally gray/heroic characters. Which isn’t to say you shouldn’t have sympathetic villains, that you shouldn’t introduce that nuance, but rather that RWBY is developing an awful habit of putting that work towards the wrong characters. Everything in a story is interconnected, so it’s frustrating to watch Cinder cry and go, “Wait, am I supposed to feel bad for her when she is, essentially, crying over her failure to kill the heroes?” while simultaneously watching a show that, when a former hero was maimed, betrayed, and facing an impossible decision went, “Nah. You shouldn’t feel bad for this asshole at all. He’s evil.” Which is it, RWBY? Why am I encouraged to feel for the Definitely Bad characters, but discouraged from feeling for the Morally Ambiguous ones? There’s a disconnect here which encourages fans to approach the scene with a less than charitable eye. Cinder’s scene appears to be doing at least two different things, both as a means of developing her character, but between what happens later in the volume and how other characters are handled in comparison to her, both attempts fall flat. 

[tedwithhairclips]

Soon Turned Out To Be A Pain In The Ass

(stole these words from the Heart of Glass lyrics alkdfsalf)

Sorta Summary: Bill and Ted are going on a nice trip through time, but Bill's having a hard time keeping up. Binders can sometimes be jerks, can't they.

[Based off of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure's Season 1 Episode 8]

----

The doors of the phone booth opened, a normal creaking noise with large squeaking metal. It used to be annoying, but they had gotten used to it.

Ted stepped out and waited for Bill. Bill followed after him, a slight cough coming from him as he walked passed Ted.

They were on the look for a pocket watch for Bill's father. Firstly, they had arrived in the 50s, as they tried to find a younger version of his dad.

They had approached a young boy, but it turned out not to be him. Uh, yeah, sorta awkward by the way.

"Hey, Ted, that place was filled with smoke." Bill wafted his hand in front of his face.

"Yeah, it was. I wonder why." Ted replied.

"Everyone was smoking, dude."

"Oh, right."

Bill had let out another cough. He held below his rib cage tightly.

"Are you okay?" Ted looked down at Bill.

"Uh...yeah, just, a lot of pressure." Bill inhaled.

Ted had stayed silent before he remembered.

"Oh...is- is it.."

"Yeah." Bill nodded.

"Should we stop somewhere?" Ted asked. Bill looked at Ted's watch.

"Not now."

"Are you sure, dude?"

"Yeah, c'mon, lets go."

They stepped back in the phone booth and made their way to another time.

The way there, Bill was stretching continuously, trying to ease the weight on his chest.

Ted worryingly watched him until they had landed on the ground in front of a long railroad track.

Ted had ran out and jumped on the tracks, while he waved over to a large man. He had recognized him, it was John Henry.

Bill walked out slowly, unlike Ted. He took one final stretch and stood by his friend on the tracks.

"Who are you two?" John had asked.

"I'm Ted 'Theodore' Logan." Ted said with a large smile, awaiting Bill's greeting.

But it didn't happen. John had waited for Bill's answer, but he was too busy looking down at his feet.

"Is your friend here alright?"

"Bill?" Ted turned.

Bill's hands were on his chest. How was so much weight put on so quick? Oh, wait.

Bill had remembered he had put it on last night. Its been on for nearly 19 hours.

Bill fell to the ground in attempt to try and sit. Instead he mostly tripped, which kind of made it worse.

Ted came to his knees beside Bill, "Bill."

"Ted."

"You have to rest, dude." Ted said.

Bill shook his head, but Ted wouldn't take it.

"Sorry Mr. John Henry sir, but my colleague here needs to take a rest."

Ted then helped up Bill, and carried him over to a large tree. He sat him under the shadows, and Ted leaned against the bark.

"You should, uh, y'know-"

Bill nodded quickly. Ted had moved to the other end of the tree and gazed at his hands.

He could hear the movement of Bill's clothing. It was slightly embarrassing when Ted starting thinking of it.

He would forget Bill used to be a chick. He would forget that Bill had...uh, honka chonkas a chest. He would forget Bill was transgender. Because it didn't matter to him as long as he was still Bill's friends.

He's trying his hardest to understand. He's trying his best to try not to offend Bill in any way. And, after reading more into it, he's starting to realize a few things too...but, that would be weird, right?

"Okay, you're good." Bill said.

Ted had walked back to the other side of the tree and sat next to Bill.

Bill's binder was rolled in his hands, and his purple shirt had been put over his crop top.

"Are you okay?" Ted asked, fidgeting with his shoelaces.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to rest for a bit." Bill said as he stretched once again.

Ted nodded and felt something in his throat that needed to be said.

"Hey, Bill?"

"Yes, Ted?"

"What...what if i were like you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Y'know how your a dude. But, you weren't before."

"So...you're a babe?"

"No..."

Bill tried to decipher this in his head, but before he could Ted spoke back,

"I'm nonbinary." He wasn't sure why this was so hard to say. He was saying it to Bill, someone who went through this stuff.

"Oh. Dude, thats awesome!!" Bill grinned.

He launched himself at Ted, and landed in a large hug. The two were caught in each others arms, feeling just a bit better.

"Wait, hang on." Bill pulled up. "So, should i still call you Ted?"

"Yeah of course." Ted didn't realize he was crying until he had went to move his hair out of his eyes.

"Okay. Oh, wait!" Bill had sat up and ran down the hill the tree was on.

"Bill?" Ted ran after him.

Bill had stopped near the side of the train tracks, and took in a large breath.

"I AM BILL S. PRESTON ESQUIRE!"

Ted listened. Bill had said this many times before, but this time, it was out of knowing.

Bill knew he was Bill.

Ted knew he was Ted.

And they are the Wyld Stallyns.

----

*gently holds*

this was so fun oh my godddd

Also took inspiration from one of the bill and ted cartoon episodes because thought it fit, they went to like three places but i only pt two because i'm lazy like that akaffafkla.