#another strong case for nepotism

[crosbytoews]

i’ve decided i’m obsessed with colton dach btw

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Care for an AU idea?

Missing Hearts AU, with dark SBI and fantasy/sci-fi setting. (Dark themes, death, mind control, magic, coercion, graphic descriptions. Really I'm just throwing all possible warnings in there just in case.)

Technoblade is a soldier---one of many---who is completely loyal to the Federation's cause. He has no choice.

The Federation, once a loose association of various planets, now a military complex held together by fear mongering and nepotism, has been at war with the Empire long enough to completely restructure the government, long enough that Technoblade cannot recall a time without war or find its start, and long enough to develop some less than savory tactics.

Heartless, they are called, by civilians, by the enemy, and by the heartless themselves. Completely loyal, ruthless, deadly, precise, nearly impossible for an enemy to kill and stronger than any mundane soldier. The Heartless are feared across the Federation and Empire alike. The only group who doesn't use the name are the officials, the Oligarchy at the head of the Federation and their commanders. After all, they know full well where the soldiers hearts are. They're the ones who keep them, after all. Weaving spell after spell to keep the hearts beating, to stifle unwanted generosity, to take their fear, to bind their loyalty, to keep them strong. To kill when a soldier gets out of hand.

Technoblade only saw it once. For the most part, the heartless are kept in check by their fear and the magic beating their hearts. There's no real chance for rebellion, loyalty tied so tightly to their being that it's nearly suffocating. There is failure, though. Any heartless deemed a regular enough failure, a waste of resources, is immediately terminated.

They'd just gotten off a mission. Botched, sure, but they'd pulled off most of it and gotten out almost unscathed. Injuries hurt, despite the healing coursing through their veins, and they could damage a mission. The only thing they wouldn't do was make a heartless die.

They were in the shuttle heading back when the man responsible for the main failure collapsed, clutching his chest. Technoblade, only sixteen, watched in horror as the man choked, the rest of the ship going on like nothing was wrong. The man died, terminated for failure, one too many as he'd find out. Technoblade hadn't had his heart in years, but he almost thought he could feel it seizing in his chest, the gaping void turning hungry and tearing him to nothing. The same blank in the man's eyes.

He went to bed haunted. He woke up to the same apathy as ever, emotions gone now the Federation had given their warning. The memory remained.

(Technoblade himself had his heart removed when he was seven, when he started showing potential for the army. Strength, speed, an interest in strategy. He doesn't remember much of the process. Just the screams, and an angry tearing feeling grown muted with age. He doesn't even remember what it was like to have a heart. He lost his family in the same moment, shut into private training and missions not long after.)

It was after another mission that things changed. The operation had been a large one, with multiple units working in tandem to do... something. The higher ups didn't give much information as to the what or why of a situation unless directly relevant to the soldiers role in the mission. It's only afterward that Technoblade finds it was a raid. Countless empire citizens are taken, one of which is claimed to be the emperor's youngest son. A blond kid joins Technoblade's squad, spitting and angry and with his heart newly gone. He's from the Empire, though no one goes directly out and says it. He's trained, they say. But wrong, differently from Federation tactics, and it's obvious.

Technoblade is assigned to watch him, this kid who yells and jokes and still puts too much emphasis on names when no one there counts as a person, Tommy, his name is, as he insists, growing louder with each repetition until Technoblade caves. "Tommy, then."

Tommy isn't going to mention that using the name will lead his brother and father right to them. He's furious, stuck, and glad to see it all burn. Except, well. They don't get there right away. And as he learns more about the gaping wound in his chest (not as bad as the rest, though he doesn't know that, not as smothered in magic and death), he realizes how little freedom they have, how little personality they're allowed, how little emotion. But Technoblade is funny. In a dry, sarcastic way, like he's afraid if he sounds too real then they're going to off him. And as scary as Technoblade is, he never hurts Tommy. And Tommy isn't silly enough to believe that's because he can't. He doesn't. He's only scary when either Tommy or the mission is at risk. Technoblade cares, and Tommy, still full of rage, is going to steal him. He's going to give him a family. He's going to make sure that every bit of his humor and genius and kindness belongs to the empire, to them, to his family. Technoblade is theirs, and he doesn't even know who he's got.

The Emperor, as it turns out, is not happy with the alleged capture of his youngest, an age still technically older than Technoblade, though perhaps not in looks or maturity. The Empire doesn't have heartless, but they do have their own magic, and it's rumored to include immortality.

They strike hard and fast, capturing or killing a many forces as they can as they push towards the Federation's center, their heart. The Federation is in shambles, scrambling to adjust to the change in tactics resulting from a move they thought would lead to surrender. Or negotiations, at the very least. No. The Empire is out to kill, heedless of their own losses in the rampage to get their prince back. Someone is leaking information (the Empire doesn't have heartless, had no information on the nature of their existence, but Tommy has intimate experience with what it's like to be one, knows their triggers and controls and where the hearts are kept).

Tommy is pulled off of Technoblade's force and vanishes. Technoblade himself is called back to the capital, still with aching wounds from battle after battle as the Empire mounts their assault.

Everything is fine. Everything is within their calculations, the heartless can't die, they can't die, he can't die, all they need to do is stop this- and his men start falling. The facility is a maze, a labyrinth, meant to be entirely secure. The heartless have never known where their hearts are kept within the compound, secrets and lies another barrier to their escape, but they found it and Technoblade gets the call to head to the secret room at the center of the building. The hearts can carry information, the magic a link between the heart's enchanter and the weapon they control.

Maybe there's a fleeting thought that he can take his heart, grab it and go, escape the chaos and save his men. Or maybe he feels nothing at all, winding through halls of fallen heartless.

The doors open whooshing back to reveal the emperor and his eldest son. Smashed containers line the walls, broken hearts left to bleed.

And Technoblade feels a throb of fear. Distant, echoing out from the hearts place in the Emperor's hands. "Hello Technoblade." The Emperor smiles, and Technoblade is frozen in place. The empire didn't know about the hearts, once, but they learn fast and the stiffness of his limbs is more than fear. He tries to speak, but even words die in his throat. "We've been waiting for you."

The heart is tossed from one tyrant to the next, and Technoblade tries to breathe as the Emperor takes him by the arm. He's still smiling as he leads Technoblade out, through desolate halls filled with corpses of his men, all while false affection pumps through his veins at the direction of the hands that hold his heart.

"All for your own good," they say. "Not all the heartless were slain," they explain, talking about rehabilitation, good lives waiting for the heartless soldiers. "We'll give you everything," they promise him, draping him in medals, offering food and riches and blankets and clothing the likes of which he's never seen. "You're one of us," they swear, as another prince to the empire is crowned.

But they never give his heart back, not like they do Tommy who is whole the instant all of him is found. They never let him hold it, rarely let him see it, keep it as a prize. Never let him wander, or flee the prison of gold. And maybe it's because they worry he won't stay without the hands on his heart, feeding him devotion, binding him carefully with loyalty and fear. Maybe they worry who he would be without their touch, with emotions completely his own again. Technoblade wonders too. He'll never know.

Technoblade is a prince---one of few---who is completely devoted to the Empire.

He has no choice.

Congrats on getting the Lenn treatment because I kinda took this ask hostage for a month like I do with their AUs lol. Just a testament to me enjoying them, thank you for the tasty treat Anon.

[spotlightlowlife]

Unpopular opinion, at this point, Blitzø is an issue.

Not because he's in the wrong, his situations suck more than him, so do some of those around him (*cough*Stolas *cough*Loona), he sucks because he's becoming more and more of an outlet for writers to play out power and sex fantasies with whilst being edgy and always quick enough to have a remark ready for others, always managing to be the centre of attention but will always be the victim too.

In every conceivable way, he's being wronged or he's punching up.

The arrangementship with Stolas is a case of him being a victim but for those who don't see it this way, Stolas x Blitzø is a chance at happiness, pauper being picked, even though their union was and will always be an inappropriate power imbalance which has now been the case since childhood, back where Blitzø was a victim of his dad, yet a few years later he somehow developed feelings for his friend who seemed like a sibling to him, but he seemed to envy him too? Either way we are too root for his unrequited 'love lost' that we can blame on a fire accidentally caused by none other than Blitzø, but we can also push blame others for this accident too.

Fizz and Barbie may be victims of his recklessness, but he means/meant no harm and he had it just as bad as them, hence the 'sorry but..' he offered Fizz.

Substance abuse got to be something Blitzø endulged in before we met Barbie who we had already been informed is an addict, Blitzø got to be both a boss and a victim during his binge which had even the sin of gluttony beat and concerned, yet when we meet Barbie, she is composed, working and has some success in being able to freely travel, having a human disguise and being able to easily manipulate others, which could have all been good, a change of tone from yet another downtrodden character and a change from a sloppy addict that may have expected, only, we had to be told Barbie was in rehab and recently so, we had to be informed that Blitzø looks out for her and is worried even though we never had never saw him track her progress previously. We meet her, there's nothing to indicate that they have spoken since Blitzø's fall out with Fizz, Barbie is pretty much work a similar job to her brother of causing destruction on Earth, yet morals come into play for just one of them? Neurotic, antisocial and traumatised, comes to earth as an assassin, excellent, no content yet and seems well put together but we have been told is an addict, comes to earth the deal, scum.

Barbie made Blitzø sad by not listening to him and washing her hands of him (again, when did they last speak? Has there been nearly 20 years of the same conversation?), which yet again has us pouring sympathy into him.

Then there's the clearly hurt and robbed Verosika, who's upset is totally glossed over because 'she's so iconic'.

The power dynamics are entirely power play, because there are too many characters supposedly of much higher standing who Blitzø easily rubs shoulders with, stands out to and crosses to no consequence, all for no particular reason, the dismissal of what he says and does is reminiscent of a movie where a ghost doesn't know they're dead or a character doesn't realise their friend is imaginary. All excluding Stolas of course but this but this is where the power play sex fantasy is.

Why are they together? Answer, Blitzø's desperation to have his business work, the whole plot to the show.

Like Hazbin, the pilot started out rather strong, it ticked every box mentioned in one episode, they were a wicked bunch but morally grey, the trip to hospital being a prime example, we met humans, we saw Earth, Stolas was a intimidating and regal, Blitzø was reckless with money and decision making, the advert on a low rating station being the prime example, along with blind nepotism.

How is it that this series hasn't had the time to return to its roots since half way through season one?

When does Blitzø get a break from all this trauma dumping and actually get to have other things going on in his life?

Realistically, someone who works has work to talk about, it is a major part of their life. Someone who runs a business tends to put in more hours than your average worker. Work gives you something to talk about, creates new experiences and problems to solve, has you mixing with other and takes up a lot of your time. Where is any of this?

Until it returns to the plot where he is a business owner actually running his business, having interactions with customers and victims, travelling to Earth more regularly, facing actual threats from those who don't care about how sad he is and are actually bothered by his obnoxious ways, I have a questions.

Where are the common teething issues business tend to have, like budget, landlords, tax, inflation, lack of exposure?

How do they pay their day to day expenses, especially since they have so much time on their hands?

Why aren't they out advertising?

How do I.M.P catch the eye of those who just died and how do these sinners pay?

When was the last time we saw a sinner?

Blitzø's direction gives the impression that he's being written for the chronically online people who wish this was them, that they were more feisty, outgoing and desirable whilst others just got them and felt their misery, something that can easily be done as a viewer, throw in the tried and tested powerful and dangerous royalty that worked so well for Twilight and 50 Shades and we have a character who can be vicariously lived through, basically the classic fairytale default damsel who people also want to criticize. It's like he's being reduced to an clownish caricature, looks the vibrant and animated character we were introduced to but that's all just in paper now, he barely stands out in any recent episodes because his presence wasn't nessessary and when he was relevant, it's for his ship or drama from his past.

While waiting to see him with his coworkers who he voyers on because he's sad and lonely, his rude and violent adult adopted daughter, or learn about the trauma surrounding his mother, or whatever is going on with his user dad, or when we will next see his troubled sister who is mad at him, his bitter ex, his best friend/ex friend/rival/friend who lives the life he should be living who he sexually harasses since reconciliation, or his transactionship, or whatever else is pushed on him and there no doubt will be more. What about his present? What about his daily life outside the misery forever sent his way for us?

He should be encountering strangers and a massive variety of situations he can't entirely control on the regular, having to draw upon his smarts, experiences and group dynamic to get out of binds or be efficient, his trauma, sadness and his sass could be a force of good.

How much of his likability is nostalgia, maybe from outside of show? Outside of the pity and sex jokes, what is being done with him?

This may all be harsh and funny enough I actually like this character, but never have I known a series where the solution to making a main character more deep was is a simple case of

'Let them get on with it!

Let them do their job!

Stick to the story!'

Well I do know one other case...

[adachimoe]

If this guy had just been a magician then we wouldn't be dealing with this shit

During one of his Social Link rank ups, Adachi implies some things about his career. I know, I know, he said "I became a cop because GUNS". But also: he's a dumbass.

Thus far, the player has only seen Adachi being a bumbling moron running away from a little old lady at Junes. But we see a side of him we haven't seen before: It turns out that he has sleight of hand and he's quite good at performing magic tricks.

He doesn't think he could have made a living if he had gone into a profession working with his hands, even if he does demonstrate that he's good at it. He does acknowledge that his life might have been different. And when fiction does things like this, we in the audience know that the unspoken implication is that he would be a lot happier this way.

Adachi doesn't exactly try to hide how much he hates his life. But, at the same time, it's not like he tries to do much to change it. Part of it we see in his rank 6 social link when he talks about how "I'm lonely, but it's easier that way". But another part of it is that by being a police officer instead of a magician or something else, he gets to work at a government job. Job security certainly contributes to one's quality of life.

But I think there is something else worth noting about this, and it's based entirely off the year Adachi was born - 1984. (Insert the "literally 1984" calendar meme image here.)

Adachi was born when Japan's economy was flourishing and the Yen was quite strong. Based on the timing, I think his parents had a kid under the assumption that, "Japan is prosperous, the Yen is powerful, things are great, everyone has money, or other valuable assets (stock/land)". If you've played Yakuza 0, this might vaguely sound familiar when it comes to Kiryu's story and his adventures in real estate.

This is a hilariously bad and overly simplified explanation, but it wasn't until the year after Adachi was born when the country and the bank began having economic issues. This eventually lead to the big blow up in the early 90s, stock and real estate nosedived, and the whole country went into a period of economic stagnation called the Lost Decades.

During Japan's period of growth, the country was seen as a powerhouse. My dad remembers when Japanese tourists were traveling all over due to strong yen - really a reversal of how it is now with people flocking to Japan due to how weak it is. People there would get a job and be set for life. While this was thanks to their economy and the assumption that "Wow, we have a lot of $$ in land and/or stocks, things are great", the "hired for life" thing can also be seen as being tied to Japanese labor laws. This changed after the economy exploded, and some companies began taking on temp workers who had less rights and less protections.

If you start to compare Adachi's situation and birth year to the main cast, it's really no wonder they make him so damn mad and frustrated lol.

Yukiko and Kanji can inherit their family businesses. Their families aren't wealthy, but they have stable businesses they operate out of their family homes. They can inherit both land and jobs.

In Yukiko's Social Link, she talks about getting licensed as an interior coordinator as a backup in case the ryokan doesn't work out... Hm, I think learning that she even has options would piss Adachi off further lol.

Naoto I am under the impression is doing well since she already has a career as a detective, plus the backing of her grandfather.

Yosuke's family doesn't own Junes, but his dad is the manager at the Inaba store, and nepotism is a thing. But it seems that he too has options, as in Ultimax, he's going to cram school so he can go to university.

Rise already has a career. Unfortunately, it's part of Japan's terrible and exploitive idol industry.

Even Marie has a career, it seems.

One can assume that if Adachi's parents got on his ass if his grades dropped, then Adachi does not stand to inherit something from his parents (or perhaps their assets lost value?), nor is he already successful.

Chie feels like the outlier here. From what we know about her, her parents don't have a business she can inherit, no famous grandfather, she's not a popular idol, and she doesn't have Main Character privilege. We also know from her Social Link that she wants to become an officer like Adachi.

Really, I think Adachi is too young to have grown up on promises of some kind of prosperous future thanks to Japan's strong economy, merely to have the rug pulled out from under him and have his dreams crushed in 1991 (he'd only be 7, after all). So where Chie might optimistically see the ability to help and protect people as an officer, Adachi might see stability and survival because of his parents and how they raised him and the economic situation.

"Don't be a magician, get a secure job" is something our parents would tell us in the west too, so maybe it doesn't seem that special or related to their economic situation at all. Pretty sure his folks would say it to him even if he was born some 10-15 years earlier. But I think it does help illustrate why he would pick security (or why his parents picked security for him), his failure case (have fun being a replaceable temp worker while waiting for your big break as a magician), and what some of his ire towards the Investigation Team is about (he had to study; why do they get to go kill god after school???). In some ways, he feels like an American millennial whose life was affected by economic circumstance, but everything that comes out of his mouth makes him sound a boomer lol. Get off my dungeon lawn, you damn kids.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Here's another Fellow-Kalim parallel: Fellow's "family" in Gidel is magicless, and Kalim's *entire* family excluding his mother is magicless too, Kalim himself not being a very strong mage. It's interesting to wonder if in certain places such as the Scalding Sands magicless people fare better, since Papa Asim doesn't have magic yet is so filthy rich that Silk City is practically his.

[Referencing this analysis!]

While it's true that Gidel, Fellow's "family", is magicless, I'm still not sure if the same can be said for Kalim's? There is at least magic in his extended family (the previous Scarabia dorm leader was said to be a relative of his; he would have needed magic to even be a student at NRC). A lot of Kalim's siblings are very young, so we can't know for certain if "they don't have magic" is because none of them are actually capable of it or if "they don't have magic" is because none of them have manifested it yet. It is implied that people get their magic at very different rates. For example, Sebek in particular is noted as a late bloomer and Rollo manifested his magic later than his younger brother did. It is therefore entirely possible that the younger Asim siblings gain their magic later in life, similar to Sebek and Rollo.

Kalim himself not being a very strong mage... Mm, that's true to an extent, but I wonder if that's really because he has low innate magical reserves (because he must have a decent amount to be enrolled at NRC or maybe it's nepotism, who knows?) or because he just isn't skilled at spells or how to best utilize them. He calls his UM not that useful or that strong, but the fact of the matter is that his UM can be very powerful and useful in the right circumstances, such as forming a river for fast travel, providing clean drinking water, and washing away toxic smog.

I do think the area one lives in can have different attitudes towards mages and non-mages; Briar Valley is one such area where the magicless and specifically non-fae may be looked down on. I don’t think we know enough about the Scalding Sands as a whole to know what their overall attitude on mages vs non-mages is. Papa Asim is an extreme example of (inherited) wealth, so I don’t think he’s a good exemplar of what the Scalding Sands in general thinks of non-mages. It’s important to consider intersectionality, or how different circumstances “stack” or, in some cases (like with Kalim’s dad) diminish the general hardships felt as a result of a variety of factors in isolation or in combination with others.

[sacred-gaze]

macabre.

✰ a horror enhypen fic || word count: 30k+

✰ description — stupidly, a group of friends plan a party at a mansion who’s owner had mysteriously gone missing. little do they know, they just might be next.

✰ warnings — major character death, murder, blood, knives, gore, angst, violence, strong language, mention of abuse, mention of overdose, some smoking and underage drinking (at a party), basically a murderous psychological horror.

✰ note — there is one joke said by jake to jungwon about how close jaywon are in this story and how they could be lovers (they're not), though it's because of reasons that will be explained later on, it is worth mentioning here about it just in case. other than that, enjoy!

“What are you doing?”

Jungwon lifted his head quickly at the sudden voice, but from the tone alone, he knew the other had been standing there for at least a while. He didn’t notice the shoes that had appeared in front of him, though he had just been staring at his lap for a solid minute or two. Had he zoned out again? He shook his head and huffed, “Obviously nothing,” he replied, scooting over a little as Jay turned around so he could sit beside the younger boy on the bench just outside the front entrance of their school.

It was sometime past noon during lunch, and Jungwon had found himself wandering the halls with a reluctant appetite and a growing despair for this school. He thought he had been wronged as he worked harder than the others for his class president campaign, but lost the election to the principal’s daughter. He should’ve seen it coming, really, but he couldn’t help feeling unworthy, almost useless in a way. He did his best, he was sure of it. But did he actually not do as well as he thought he did? Maybe, maybe not.

“It’s not your fault, ya’know,” Jay told him, as if he knew exactly why Jungwon was upset—though he always did in one way or another, “Your campaign was better than everyone else’s. It’s—nepotism, or whatever.” He mumbled a bit, but Jungwon heard him clearly.

“I know. It’s fine,”

“No it’s not, Won,”

“No, it is,” Jungwon reassures the other, though he felt like he was still trying to convince himself that it was, too. “I’ll be fine, I’ve—” He cut himself off, realizing he didn’t have next year to campaign again. He was a fourth year. He graduates in the spring. “It’s fine,” he repeats again.

Jay rolled his eyes, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Won,” and he leaned back against the bench. “You hear about Niki?” but Jungwon shook his head. “His parents kicked him out, I think he’s staying with Sunoo or Jake, I can’t remember who.”

Jungwon hummed, “How long do you think it’ll last this time?”

The older male shrugged, “Two weeks. Not a day later,”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah I think so. He seemed fine. This isn’t the first time so I’m sure he’s pretty used to it by now,” it was a sly remark, which was why Jungwon was a little relieved he was the only one who had heard it. Niki and his family weren’t the closest when it came to their differences, which caused Niki to rebel a lot and eventually leave or get kicked out for a while before he went back. He’d swear every time that he’ll never go back, but he’s usually back there within a week or two.

“What was it for this time?”

“Smoking, he said.”

“I thought he didn’t smoke,”

“No we just told you that so you wouldn’t freak,” Jay took out a lollipop from his pocket and took off the wrapper, sticking it into his mouth while completely not noticing the shocked expression that had appeared on Jungwon’s face.

“What do you mean he smokes? Why would he—” Jungwoon stopped and let out a deep breath, “Why would you keep that from me?”

“Because you swore off smoking when you were, like, 8. You hate smokers,”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yeah but I’m me. Of course you don’t hate me,” Jay smiled at the younger, the stick of the lollipop pointing outwards of his mouth, gritting against his teeth a little. “I’m also reformed. I don’t smoke,”

“Anymore, at least.”

Jay used to smoke at least a pack a day but since it finally started to mess with his health, he quit and used lollipops as a replacement. Jungwon hated the smell of cigarette smoke, just the smell alone gave him a migraine every time. Jay never disclosed why he stopped smoking, except when Jake asked him while Jungwon was there, but just before he said whatever he was originally going to say, he just said, ‘Cancer sucks, you know,’ and that was the end of it.

“Whatever,” that was his favorite word, “Besides—You’d lose your mind if you ever hated me,”

Jungwoon scoffed, “I would not. I’m not dependent on your existence,”

Jay clicked his tongue, “Funny.”

“I’m not.”

“Whatever you say, Won.”

Jungwoon huffed, but he was quiet for a minute. Jay took the lollipop out of his mouth for a second before looking over to Jungwon, though he didn’t say anything and just looked away again. Jungwon’s hands locked together in his lap, sitting awkwardly. Jay glanced over, and leaned his head back. “What is it, Won?”

The younger looked over, “Huh? Nothing,”

“Talk.”

He didn’t like it when Jay spoke with that kind of tone, so he just obliged as he rolled his eyes. “I mean, I’d miss you. If we weren’t friends. I could survive, but I don’t think I’d want to.”

Jay furrowed his eyebrows. “Thanks?”

“No I mean,” Jungwon turned his body, sitting sideways on the bench to face Jay with his right leg crossed over his left ankle, “You’re my best friend, but I also don’t have many friends to begin with. I’ve learned to be alone, so if you weren’t here, I’d survive, but I’d hate it.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“I wouldn’t want to be without you,”

From the look on Jay’s face, Jungwon felt his stomach twist inside him. Jungwon tried his best to not sound sentimental when he spoke with Jay. It wasn’t that Jay wasn’t an emotional person, because he was, definitely, but in a way, that worried Jungwon so he did his best to stray away from the more sentimental stuff. He’s known Jay all his life, his first friend ever, his best friend since diapers. He met Niki, Sunoo, and all the others through school, but it was Jay he’s known before everything. They’ve been best friends way longer than they’ve known the others, which was why they didn’t really say anything about how close the two were.

Jay was direct, tough and a little sly. He was nice to his friends, especially Jungwon, who was like family to him. He didn’t like people, but he was attractive and charming. Lots of girls fawned over him, but he paid no attention to them. He was more into his studies and his friends, he couldn’t care less about a girlfriend then, despite the fact he was a senior and one of the more popular guys there. Like stated before, he used to be a huge smoker, but because of his leather-jacket-and-jeans type of fashion outside of school, he was labeled as “the bad boy” even though he was actually very kind and caring when he’s around the people he loved the most. But Jungwon wasn’t like him, not at all.

Jungwoo was shy, he was way too nice to everyone and anyone which led to a lot of ignored trauma Jungwon went through growing up. He didn’t talk much about his home life, nor his past or his problems. He didn’t like to. He thought he’d be seen as weak-minded, especially at such a prestigious academy. But his friends meant the world to him. He cared the most about Jay since they’ve practically been friends since they were babies. But even though Jay was just a little under a year older than Jungwon (Jungwon had a late birthday but still qualified to be put into the same class as Jay), he still looked up to Jay for most of the years that have passed. Jungwon still does, even though he claims he doesn’t anymore.

Unlike the rest of them, Jungwon and Niki were the only two that went to the academy on a scholarship. The others were rich, accepted into the academy easily with their remarkable grades and overwhelming wealth. But Jungwon and Niki weren’t so fortunate with their families and home life. Of course, they did their best to not let that affect their lives at school. Niki, well, tried but he was always getting kicked out, meanwhile Jungwon kept his life so secret that Jay was the only person who had a clue about what Jungwon’s been through, and is still going through every day. But still, Jungwon doesn’t like to feel weak so Jay tries to not worry so much about Jungwon, though he couldn’t help it most of the time. Jungwon was his best friend. He may never admit it, but in all honesty, Jay knew he couldn’t live without him.

Jay didn’t say anything for a moment, which only made Jungwon feel uneasy. But then Jay looked over at him, and gave him a short smile.

“You’re too good, Jungwon.”

Jungwon smiled, but then he checked his phone for the time. “Shit, lunch is almost over.”

“You didn’t eat?”

Jungwon shook his head.

“Why not?”

“Wasn’t hungry,” Jungwon shrugged. “Did you?”

Jay took out his lollipop that was much smaller now. “Just this,” and he popped it back into his mouth, “You wanna head back to class?”

“Sure.”

Both of them stood up from the bench and headed back inside the building. Their next class was on the third floor so they went ahead and waited outside the room since it wouldn’t be long until the bell would ring. Jay stood against the wall, his upper back touching the glass window as Jay stood beside him, looking through that same window.

“Aye,”

Jungwon turned his head to the right, and Jay eventually did the same, seeing two of their friends approaching, Sunghoon and Heeseung.

“Did you skip lunch, too?” Sunghoon asked first.

Jay shrugged, “More or less,” with one hand, he dabbed up Sunghoon and Heeseung while the other buried itself in his pocket. Jungwon glanced back through the window before turning to face the others. “What were you guys doing?”

“We left and got food,” Heeseung replied. “I have some leftover curry. You want it?” He reached the white styrofoam box out to Jungwon.

But Jungwon shook his head, “No thank you. I’m not really hungry,” and though Jay glanced at him, he kept his mouth shut.

Heeseung was the most popular guy at school, but he was really nice. A fourth year like Jay and Jungwon, Sunghoon, too. He was very well liked, he knew everyone and everyone knew him. He met Jay back in their first year and they’ve been friends ever since, and because of that, Jungwon became friends with him, too. It was the opposite for Sunghoon, however, as he met Jungwon first as second years and became friends with Jay later.

Sunghoon was always involved in clubs, so most of the guys would tease him for how many medallions and ropes he’ll have to wear for graduation when the day eventually comes. But being involved in so many clubs and keeping up with all of them meant that Sunghoon was very popular with the underclassmen. However, he always rejects when girls ask him out, not because he didn’t like them, but because he was always busy. Either with the guys or the growing list of clubs he’s in, Sunghoon was always busy. He was never home.

Sunghoon thinned his lips, “Hey, we heard about the election. You okay?”

Jungwon nodded, “I think so. It is what it is, I guess.” He shrugged carelessly, trying to seem at least okay with the fact he lost the election, but his face couldn’t appear more sad about it.

“Hey, you know what?” Heeseung started to say, a curving smile on his face, “We should have a party.”

“A party?” Jay raised his eyebrow.

“Yeah, to celebrate Jungwon’s hard work! And his position as vice president!”

To the second runnings of the student body president election, they are given the vice president position instead. Jungwon absolutely hated that, it felt humiliating. But it was nice to see that his friends thought he was great.

Jungwon disagreed, however.

“No way,” said Jungwon quickly, “Why would we have a party just for that?”

“Uh, to celebrate you? Did you not hear me just now?” Heeseung replied with a chuckle, “Don’t be such a downer, Jungwon. Let us plan it, yeah?”

“I dunno . . .” He scratched the back of his neck, “You guys shouldn’t go out of your way and do all that just for this. It’s not even that great either. I’m just the vice president,”

“Still a president, nonetheless,” said Sunghoon. “Your achievements are worth acknowledging,”

“And celebrating!” Heeseung added. “Now, will you let us plan the party?”

Jungwon then looked to Jay, almost for permission but also, maybe some back up on why they shouldn’t do this. But disappointed like always, Jay smiled.

“I think it could be fun,” Jay half-shrugged, “Don’t you think?” He looked over at Jungwon, but he knew Jungwon couldn’t say no to him.

Jungwon sighed. “I guess,” It was obvious he didn’t want it, but being a people pleaser was both a blessing and a curse, but mostly a curse.

Sunghoon grinned, “Good. Heeseung and I will plan it.”

“But wait, where will it be at?” Jay suddenly questioned, earning a blank expression on the other’s face.

Sunghoon stared at him, blinking a couple times at the older before he eventually spoke. “I just said we’ll figure it out.”

Jay rolled his eyes, “Whatever,” he grumbled and turned around just as the bell rang. “Let us know about the party,” he said before he opened the classroom door and headed inside. Jungwon stood out in the hall with them for another minute or so before they all dabbed each other up and went their separate ways for the day. Jungwon always sat beside Jay in the classes they shared together. Some even called them inseparable, though others would question the way Jay would act sometimes but Jungwon would always excuse it with his “he’s got a real tough exterior that hides a golden heart” line. It always makes the girls swoon. But Jay never paid them any attention. He never knew how to love someone, but neither did Jungwon.

By the end of class, Jay had an entire page of notes while Jungwon barely wrote down three lines worth of notes. He couldn’t keep his focus, for some reason, he just couldn’t. Jay always took pages and pages of notes, and normally Jungwon took decent notes as well, but lately, since the election, he’s just become so out of place. He can’t focus, he’s starting to become tired all the time. Was he depressed? He didn’t think so. But maybe he was, or starting to be. Maybe. But he hoped he wasn’t.

It should be noted that Jay has a black 2022 Dodge Charger, a car worth way more than Jungwon’s future college tuition. He always parks it on the right side of the parking lot in the very last spot. It’s a bit of a walk to get to it, but Jay never minded it. In fact, he enjoyed it. He liked exercising and keeping in shape, while Jungwon would just tolerate the constant walking and exercising because Jay was his best friend.

Since Jungwon doesn’t have a car yet, he always rides with Jay to school. The others had cars, too, but he liked Jay’s the best. Sunghoon had a tan-colored 2016 Honda Civic which he got from his mom after she got herself a new car. Sunoo had a blue 2017 Kia Soul which he had gotten for his 16th birthday. Heeseung was given his dad’s old pick up truck, though it wasn’t old at all. It was a silver 2019 Chevrolet Silverado. Niki has an older car, a crimson 2009 Nissan Altima his grandpa gave to him before he passed. And Jake has a white 2021 Nissan Sentra that he bought with his own money, already almost paid off. Jay’s was already paid off (a perk of rich parents).

Jungwon was the only one without a car, for obvious familial reasons, but Jay never had a problem with taking him to school with him. First, they were best friends, and two, Jungwon loved Jay’s car. It was a sports car, modern and new, and clean—and really, really fast. And since Jay was almost never sick, though whenever he was sick, it was always during the breaks throughout the school year, he was never absent. In fact, he hadn't missed a single day of school since the first grade. He’s gotten plenty of perfect attendance awards for that over the years, too.

In a way, Jungwon really did look up to him. He was intelligent, talented, and strong. He was what Jungwon always wanted to be. It was kinda like Jay was his role model, his own best friend. Was that weird? He never paid any attention to details like that, not until lately at least.

Jay unlocked the car and tossed his backpack into the backseat before getting into the driver’s seat. Jungwon got into the passenger seat and shut the door, holding his backpack in his lap. It earned a look from Jay, like it always did, but he didn’t say anything.

Jungwon looked over after he buckled his seat belt, but his eyes turned to his phone as he felt it vibrate in his hand. He read the message, then turned back to Jay who had just started the car. “Hey, the guys wanna meet at the junkyard. You wanna go?”

“God, why did we choose that to be our hang out place?” Jay muttered under his breath, “But sure. You wanna go straight there or pick something up first?”

“Up to you,”

“Let’s just head there first,” Jay looked back as he started to back out of the parking spot. One arm on shoulder of Jungwon’s seat and the other pressed against the edge of the steering wheel, his left hand out flat as his palm moves the steering wheel with ease. It was hard not to notice Jay’s jawline—it was sharp, like really sharp. It could cut tomatoes, or potatoes, or other foods one would cut with a knife, but Jay’s jawline was one of his best looking attributes.

Music played at a low volume from the radio. It was a song he’d only heard a few times, but it was Jay’s favorite—Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. Jay hummed along the guitar strums, mouthing some of the words as he drove. It somewhat made the silent car ride a little more tolerable but that didn’t distract Jungwon enough from starting to feel awkward. Thinking about the party the guys were planning for him, it felt like too much for something he didn’t want. He wanted to be the president, not the vice president. It was a downgrade, a very humiliating downgrade. But the others didn’t see it like that. They were always so hopeful.

But all of them—with the exception of Niki—had richer families, but even Niki was a very hopeful person. They all had their own issues, but that didn’t stop their positivity, weirdly. For example, Heeseung’s parents had him out of wedlock but never married because they ended up breaking up before he was even born, Jake’s parents were never married either but they split up sometime after Jake was born anyways, Sunghoon’s parents almost divorced like twenty times but never went through it, and Niki’s were literal drug dealers, but they were all so positive. Even Jay was at times. But Jungwon never got it. He wasn’t like a ‘Debbie Downer,’ or a ‘Negative Nancy,’ but he definitely wasn’t all that positive. He just went with the flow, and whatever happens, well, happens. He was in control of his emotions, mostly, but that just really worried Jay and the others more. They never knew what Jungwon was thinking. But Jay always figured it out, in one way or another, he did. And Jungwon hated it.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Jungwon jumped a little at Jay’s sudden voice, but he nodded his head, “I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me, Won,” He glanced over, “What’s going on?”

Jungwon sighed, looking down at his lap. “Is it really necessary for a party? I mean,” he lifted his head and looked over at Jay, “I’m the vice president, not the president. It’s humiliating, Jay. It’s like a slap in the face,”

Jay scoffed, “No it’s not—”

“Yes it is!” Jungwon exclaimed, “I wanted to be the president, not the stupid, forgotten about vice president.”

“Jungwon—”

“No!” Jungwon cut him off, “This is my fourth year, Jay! I wanted this year to be good. University won’t be like high school. We’re all going to different places, we won’t be together anymore. We’re splitting up.”

Jay frowned, looking over at the other once he stopped at a red light. “Won, are you really this worried about that? We’ll hang out all the time, I swear. We’re not splitting up. Even if we’re busy through the week, we still have the weekend. A-And the breaks!” He sighed, “We’re not splitting up, Won. I promise you,” Jay reassured him with a soft smile, “I’ll make sure of it.”

Jungwon leaned back and turned to the window, “What’s gonna happen when you go off to Jeju, huh?” He spoke a bit lowly, almost trying to hide his breaking voice.

Jay was going to Jeju National University next fall. He’ll be living 9 hours away.

“Nothing’s going to happen.” Jay stated firmly, “I swear to you.”

The younger male glanced over, but kept his mouth shut. Jay’s foot lifted off the break and started to go again. In the distance, there were car horns, but Jungwon didn’t even glance in its direction. He just continued to stare through the window, silently in his thoughts. Jay let out a sigh as he turned his blinker on and turned left, soon exiting the city of Seoul, arriving at the junkyard where the group always hung out. He didn’t get why a bunch of academy kids chose to hang out 24/7 at an old junkyard, but it was what they decided. Just as they arrived, parking in between Sunghoon and Jake’s cars, Jay leaned back and huffed. He turned his head and looked at Jungwon, waiting for the younger to say something, but when only silence continued to grow in between the two, Jay decided to speak instead.

“I know you think it’s humiliating, but it’s not to us,” Jay told him, “or at least it’s not to me.” But Jungwon kept quiet, earning a frown from Jay again. “I’m proud of you, Won.”

Just as Jungwon started to turn his head to look over, Jay turned and got out of the car. Jungwon kept his thoughts inside, letting out a sigh before he got out of the car as well. Jay closed his door and locked the car, causing it to honk once and the lights to blink. Jungwon followed him into the junkyard, walking behind him with a bit of distance. He buried his hands into his pockets, his head low as he followed Jay out to the empty space in the middle of the junkyard where the others were. All still dressed in their school uniforms, most of them found a seat on old barrels or like Jake, sitting on the hood of an old, rusted, jacked up car.

Sunoo spoke first, “Congrats, Jungwon!” He had a big smile plastered on his face, his eyes crinkled like two turned over crescents, rosy cheeks and a warming personality.

Unlike the others, Sunoo was an art student, very talented when it came to art, drawing, pottery, etc. He was a talented artist, but because all his work was put into his art, he didn’t really talk to anyone who weren’t the guys. In fact, he was pretty shy, maybe more than Jungwon was. He was kind and calm, though he practically laughed at everything. He was a very sweet person, liked by many though he only ever talked to a handful of people.

Jungwon kept his eyes strayed away, “Thanks,” he muttered, making Sunoo tilt his head in confusion but before he could ask, Sunghoon stepped forward, his hands in his pockets, standing like some bully—which he wasn’t—but he looked cool, nonetheless.

“So, we have an issue about the party,”

“That we shouldn’t have it? Great!” Jungwon replied sarcastically, but when everyone looked at him and stared, he got defensive. “What? I don’t want the party!”

“Would you quit with that?” Jay stood beside him, his arms crossed, “We’re trying to celebrate your accomplishment. Would it hurt you to be grateful?”

Jungwon furrowed his eyebrows, “Yes, actually, it would because why are we even having this party?” He questioned them all, “I lost the election, I didn’t win it. Why are we celebrating my loss?”

“Oh god, not this again.”

“Yes! This again!” Jungwon turned to the others, “It’s humiliating, and I dunno why I keep having to explain this but I didn’t run to be the V.P. I wanted to be the president, but I was given the lesser because I wasn’t good enough,”

“No, that’s where you’re wrong,” Heeseung reprimanded, “You are way better than that chick. In every way, you are. She’s a nepo-baby. She only got that shit because of her father. You deserved it whole-heartedly, and because no one else is celebrating your hard work, we’re going to do it instead.” He explained to the younger, “So would you just let us plan the damn party?”

“Yeah, you don’t even let us throw you a birthday party,” said Sunghoon, “At least let us throw you this one,” but that had hit a sensitive nerve with Jungwon, not that anyone noticed it.

Jungwon huffed, crossing his arms and looking off. He thought for a moment, shaking his head. “If I let you guys plan this party, would you guys get off my dick about it?”

“Jeez,” Jake hissed, “The hell is up with you, Jungwon?”

Jake was more athletically popular than the others were. He played basketball most of his life, even playing a few years of both soccer and baseball as well. Everyone saw him as a jock, which made him a definite girl-magnet. However, unlike the stereotypical jock, he was actually very smart and was very into science and physics. He had been in AP biology, AP chemistry, AP physics, even planning to go to university as a physics major. He was very smart, and his intelligence poured out of him (which only made more girls find him very attractive) but he always paid attention to his team, his future, and his friends. He was very funny, though collected and kind of distant with people from different social groups. But he was still one of the more popular guys at the academy, which was never something he disliked. He also was a foreigner from Australia, so that also became why so many girls wanted him. Although lately, he’s only been paying attention to one.

Jungwon unfolded his arms, grunting. “You guys aren’t listening to me. I don’t want this party. Really! It’s embarrassing that I lost, after all my hard work. Humbled and humiliated. I don’t want to be reminded of it,”

Heeseung sighed, “We hear you. But we want to celebrate you and your hard work, even though you didn’t win. Even if the party is just us, we want to celebrate you. Could you let us do that?” He lifted his eyebrows, trying to give Jungwon a gentle, reassuring smile.

He didn’t know what to say. Did he want to give in? Was he really going to let his friends plan a party for him which will just be them? He hated feeling humiliated, but maybe this could help feel better. Maybe he judged it too quickly. Should he give it a shot?

“I dunno, guys . . .” Jungwon shook his head, “You guys are popular. It’ll get around that you’re having a party and then hundreds of people will show up.”

“Is that really that bad?” Jake replied, “More people to celebrate with us. Besides, we don’t have to tell them why we’re having the party. We can just have a party, and if people end up coming, we can just go to a different room and celebrate alone before we return, I guess?”

Jungwoon was unsure. “Is it really worth it?”

“Of course it is,” Jay suddenly spoke up, earning Jungwon’s attention almost immediately, “It’s a party for you. Of course it’s worth it.”

Jungwon looked around at the others, then he let out a long sigh, “Fine. We can have a party,” and though the guys started to cheer, Jungwon continued, “But don’t go overboard.”

Sunghoon cleared his throat, “Okay, cool that we got it approved or whatever, but there’s still one issue about all this,” he paused, “We don’t have a place to have the party.”

“What do you mean?” Niki raised his eyebrow, “You guys are rich. Just rent out a venue,”

Niki, like Jungwon, went to the academy on a scholarship because he was smart and passed enough tests with flying colors that got him to be enrolled (free) into the academy. His family was poor, almost on the brink of poverty, which caused Niki to work at a part-time job with inhuman hours, though he’d always claim that “the money was all worth it in the end.” He always denied the others’ attempts to give him money. He didn’t like help. However, while Jungwon lived with his grandma, Niki lived with his terrible parents who constantly kicked him out of the house from Niki’s rebellious antics that started to grow because of how they treated him during his childhood. It was his right to act out, however, because his parents were absolute hypocrites. Niki was actually Japanese, making him a foreigner. He moved to South Korea with his family when he was about six or seven, and has lived in Seoul ever since. He was very independent, and he didn’t care for gender norms or rules, a basic bad boy—which didn’t really help his case every time he’d get kicked out and forced to stay at his friends’ houses all the time.

“No, no. We wanted to have it at one of our houses,” said Sunghoon, “but all of our parents will be in town. And obviously, we can’t have it at school or the park or something.”

“Then where are we going to have it?” asks Heeseung. “Are we just not going to have it?”

“So we convinced Jungwon for nothing?” Jay remarked, earning a nudge from Jungwon in response.

“No, no. I’ll figure it out,” Sunghoon said, “Just try and convince yall’s parents to go on a sudden trip or something. Could we maybe have it in your pool house, Jake?”

“No! That’s where I sleep!” Jake exclaimed, offended, “What about Sunoo’s garage?”

“That’s my art studio!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I renovated it last week. I thought I told you,”

“We’re getting off topic,” Sunghoon raised his voice over the rest, “We will figure it out. But no matter what—We are going to have this party.”

Jungwon rolled his eyes, “God, you guys— It’s really not that serious.”

Heeseung shushed him, “Yes, it is that serious, now let us do our jobs, yeah?”

“What—” Jungwon turned, “Jay, help me out,” he whispered to him.

Jay stared at him blankly for a moment before he shrugged, “You heard the man.”

Jungwon groaned, “I hate you,” he grumbled, earning a laugh from Jay.

A bit of time passed and the group dispersed and headed home for the night. Jay dropped Jungwon off at his house and headed home as well. Jungwon went inside the house, noticing his grandma sitting on the couch as she folded the warm clothes from the white laundry basket beside her. Jungwon closed the front door quietly, holding one of his backpack straps as he started to walk past the living room walkway quietly and quickly so she wouldn’t notice him, but unfortunately, she saw him and called for him.

“Jungwonie, come here,”

Jungwon stopped and groaned before turning back and walking into the living room. “Hi, grandma. How’s your day been?” It was chit-chat, trying to get this over with so he could just head straight to his room, cry for a bit, and then eventually pass out.

She smiled, “It’s been slow. I was wondering when you’d get home,”

“Sorry, we went to the junkyard,” he replied quietly, fiddling with his fingers. She glanced at him then turned back to watch the TV ahead of her. The news was playing out, the news reporter talking about missing people again but then he heard a familiar name. He looks up, a bit intrigued. “Mr Hwang?” Sunghoon’s neighbor’s face was displayed on the screen beside the news reporter, “He’s missing?”

“Since Tuesday, apparently,”

“Of last week?” Jungwon leaned back, “Do you think he’s okay?”

She shook her head, “I have worried about him these last few years. You heard about his wife?” After Jungwon nodded, she shook her head again. “Poor boy. I pray for him,”

Jungwon looked over, but didn’t say anything. Then, she smiled a bit and turned to him.

“How’s Jay doing?” She always asks about him. She loves Jay, almost as much as she loved Jungwon—her own grandson—but then again, he didn’t blame her. Everyone loved Jay.

Jungwon nodded once, “Good. Him and the others are planning a party for me,”

She tilted her head, “A party? For what?”

“Well, I lost the election but I’m still the vice president so they’re celebrating that.”

“That’s amazing! Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?” She was excited for her grandson, but he couldn’t disagree with her more.

“I dunno,” Jungwon shrugged, “I thought it was humiliating that I lost, but they’re so convinced that I did so well. I don’t get it, but maybe that’s just me,”

It wasn’t news (especially to her) that Jungwon was very hard on himself. He never thought of himself as good enough, even if he was more than enough. The others saw him for who he was—a strong, independent, intelligent person who was hard working, realistic, reliable, and so on. But Jungwon never understood that. He didn’t understand any of it, but it was like a trauma response to think of everything he does as not good enough. He’s not necessarily a perfectionist, but he thinks most of what he does isn’t good enough and that he’s prone to doing everything wrong. He’s convinced everyone sees him as weak and unreliable so he goes out of his way constantly to be there for his friends, make sure he does everything right, practically sell his soul and entire being to make his friends happy. They’d always tell him that they’re fine, that he should worry more about himself and not them, but he never listens.

“It usually is just you,” She remarks. “You’re good, Jungwonie. Why don’t you see that?” She asks, “You make me so proud, and I’m sure your grandfather would agree, too.” His grandfather passed away some years ago, he was like a dad to Jungwon, like his grandma was like a mom to him. He’s never told anyone, but Jay, about his home life, and how things used to be, but even Jay didn’t know everything, but he knew enough to help him if he needed it. Jungwon wasn’t even sure if he’d ever tell him everything either.

“But I don’t understand it,” Jungwon replied quietly, “I do my best but I get turned away. I know I should be grateful but I always try my hardest, but I’m always given the least.”

She curved her lips downward, creasing her eyebrows, drawing them together before she sighed. “Your mother was always hard on herself too,” She began to say, but just hearing the mention of his mother made Jungwon’s stomach twist, “I couldn’t say I wasn’t hard on her, too. But I wanted her to learn and grow, but as I have seen my own mistakes and learned, I promised I’d take care of you to make up for all the mistakes I made with her.”

Jungwon’s nose stung, he felt the tears starting to form at the corner of his eyes. But he quickly took the end of his index finger and wiped them away. He sniffled, “You’re so kind, grandma.”

He tried to give her a smile, but she folded a blouse and left it in her lap, staring down at it for a moment before she lifted her head slowly and looked over at her grandson, smiling at him now.

“And you, the same, my boy.” She smiled more, “Now go get some rest. I suppose you let them plan you a party, hm?”

He let out a laugh, “Yeah, I did.”

“Good,” She nodded, “You deserve it, sweetheart.” And as he stood, he bowed to her and turned to leave the room. Then, she switched the channel over to a different one, playing one of her favorite shows. She cheered quietly, but Jungwon heard one of the characters say something about a carousel. He listened closely at the doorway, hearing it again. The carousel never stops turning. He kinda scoffed at it. “Gosh, she watches such weird shows.” He mutters before finally leaving.

In his room, he tossed his backpack onto his desk chair before flopping onto his bed, sighing loudly as the bed creaked. It was an older bed, one his grandpa slept on while he grew up. But it was bigger than a twin so he didn’t mind its age. There were posters on the wall—mostly music artists such as Lana Del Rey, The Neighborhood, Brent Faiyaz, etc. His bedsheets were white and red, with his blanket being a darker red color. There was a dresser in the corner of the room, against the wall across the one his bed was pressed up against. Beside the dresser was his desk where his closed laptop sat and a bulletin board hung above it. It had important notes, schedules, but most notably, it had photos of him and his friends on it. He cared a lot about his friends.

Groaning as he stretched, Jungwon eventually sat up and checked his phone. There was a text from Jay that appeared on the screen.

jay 9:54pm

the party will be great

don’t worry too much, yeah?

Jungwon sighed and replied back.

jungwon 9:56pm

idk jay. i get it but is it really worth it

Jay quickly replied.

jay 9:56pm

stop talking like that.

of course it’s worth it.

now go to bed

jungwon 9:57pm

fine. goodnight jay

jay 9:57pm

night, won

Jungwon tossed his phone lighty back on the bed and stood up. He undressed and changed into shorts and a t-shirt before laying back down on his bed, curling up in his blanket before he put his phone on the charger and closed his eyes to gently drift to sleep. Maybe he should be happy about the party. It couldn’t be too bad, right? He hoped it wouldn’t be. Maybe it’ll be the best party ever, or it could be a terrible waste of everyone’s time. Nonetheless, it was a party, thrown in his favor by his bestest friends. It’d be good, for sure. Right?

✧✧✧

For the next several days, Jungwon didn’t hear a single thing about the party. Of course, he felt relieved at first, but after about the fourth day, he started to wonder—were they planning it without him completely? He knew he was against it, but he still wanted to be at least included in the planning. Well, it was a party for him so maybe it was a surprise. Nonetheless, he wanted to ask about it so that afternoon at the junkyard, he asked them. But they didn’t exactly give him an answer he could have expected.

“No, we haven’t been planning it since we don’t have a place to have it yet,” Sunghoon replied nonchalantly, playing a game on his phone. 

“Why?” Heeseung glanced over, “Do you know a place?”

Jungwon drooped his shoulders, “No, unfortunately,” he actually seemed sad about it, which quickly drew Jay and Jake’s attention as normally, Jungwon wouldn’t appear sad about something like this. He didn’t like public outings, or just parties in general, so it was new to see that Jungwon was actually sad to hear that the party wasn’t a-go.

Jake peaked over, “Well maybe we could have it at your neighbor’s,” it was a weird suggestion, and at first, Jungwon didn’t understand it until Sunghoon replied to Jake.

“Have the party at my missing neighbor’s house? Have you gone crazy?”

That’s where he knew. 

Mr Hwang was Sunghoon’s neighbor. He was an older man, white and gray hair with a balding spot right on the top of his head. He was a bigger fella, usually dressed in suits or more formal casual wear, and he was very nice to all the neighbors. He owned his own law firm, though he retired early and gave it to his eldest son. A few years back, he lost his wife to cancer, though still managed to still be kind to his neighbors and be active in the community. Since her passing, he’s advocated for many charities for cancer patients and families of late cancer patients. Sunghoon didn’t know him, but both of his parents did. His father, who he lived with primarily, knew Mr Hwang very well, so he was distraught to hear his friend had gone missing. As of today, it’s been about three months since he had gone missing, though despite that, Mr Hwang’s family still paid for the maids to keep his house clean unless he came back. They didn’t think he was kidnapped, but instead went off the grid for a trip. They hoped so, at least.

“No!” Jake said defensively, throwing his hands up in the air. “I think it’s a good idea! What time do those maids leave?” Jungwon had started to smile, but it faded quickly when Sunghoon started to shake his head profusely.

Sunghoon leaned off the rusted car hood, “No, no, no!” He said, waving his index finger around, “Not happening! We are not having the party at his house!”

Heeseung turned around, “I mean, it’s not a bad idea, Hoon,”

“No!” Sunghoon exclaimed, “The man is missing! We cannot have the party at a missing person’s house!”

“What kinda house is it?” Jay asked, intruding the conversation though the others were already nosy and listening in.

Sunghoon shook his head as he turned to Jay, “No, I’m not answering that—”

“Four bedroom mansion, two living rooms, three bathrooms, huge backyard with a maze and garden, large ass fountain in the front with a circular driveway,” Jake listed off loudly so Sunghoon couldn’t interrupt him anymore, “It’s the perfect house for a party!” 

It was definitely surprising how Jake knew that house so well despite never setting foot inside it, but it was easier to connect the dots on how Jake’s mother is a real estate agent and actually sold Mr Hwang that house just around the time Jake was born. 

Jake was originally born in Seoul, but because of his parents never marrying and breaking up before he was born, Jake’s mother stayed in Seoul and Jake went to live with his father in Brisbane. However, when he had just turned 9, he and his older brother moved to Seoul to stay with his mother. There, that same day, he met Jay and Jungwon and have been close with them ever since. Later, of course, he met the others and became close with them also.

Sunghoon glared, “How the hell do you know that?”

Jake shook his head, “Doesn’t matter—Like I was saying, it’s the perfect place to have a party. We can just sneak in after the maids leave and have it there! Say, Sunghoon, do you know what time the maids leave?”

“What? Why would I know that?” Sunghoon crossed his arms, “. . . 8 o’clock.” He mumbled, but Jay smiled as big as a clown.

“Then we’ll have the party at 9!” Jake exclaimed cheerfully, throwing his hands into the air excitedly before pulling them down, squeezing his fasts as he shook like a happy puppy. It was a common occurrence, but it only ever got a kick out of the guys from how similar Jake was to a puppy. To Sunghoon, however, it was kind of concerning at that moment.

“But what if someone saw us?” asked Heeseung, “Wasn’t the guy big on no trespassers?”

Sunghoon pointed to Heeseung, “That is true. He was a nice guy unless you trespassed. He gets scary,” 

Jake scoffed, “You say that like he’s going to be there. Dude is M.I.A, and since your folks are so close with him, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a little party, right?” This was just brewing a disaster to happen, then he looked at Jungwon, “What do you say, Jungwon? Should we do it?”

Jungwon looked over at Jay, then at the others, then back at Jake. He hesitated before he let out a low sigh, “Sure. We can do it,” and as the others began to cheer, Jungwon interrupted, “But hey! If I want it to end, then we end it, okay?”

There’s a few ‘okay’s and a couple ‘of course’s spread throughout the group, but Jungwon smiled and nodded before the group went back to cheering. Jungwon still felt a little out of place, but he actually started to feel excited. A whole party just for him. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all, maybe this party would turn out better than he ever could have imagined it to be.

He sure hoped so.

That evening, Jungwon spent most of his time studying rather than eating or talking to anyone. He left his phone on his bed as he sat at his desk, working on Literature work before he went to sleep that night. Of course, his moment of peace came to an end when a ringtone started to play instead of the music in his earbuds. He groaned and stood up, walking over to his bed to grab his phone.

He slid the answer button on the screen and held the phone up to his ear. “What do you want?”

“Jeez, could you be a little nicer?” It was Jake. “I just wanted to see what you were up to,”

“You sound like my grandma,” Jungwon laughed, earning a laugh from Jake as well, “But seriously. You never call. What’s up?”

A strong statement, but Jake knew it was true. “Well . . . about the party . . .”

“Again? I thought you guys planned it out today at the junkyard?” Jungwon sat back down at his desk, his elbows propped up on it. 

Jake was quiet for a second. “We still have everything planned out. Nothing’s changed, it’s just . . . We’re just worried you won’t have fun,”

Jungwon furrowed his eyebrows, “What are you talking about? Of course I’ll have fun. It’s a party, Jake.” There was an obvious tone in Jungwon’s voice that convinced Jake that even Jungwon wasn’t so sure how he felt about the party. He started to feel bad.

“Well I know that but still. You weren’t very big on the idea and we don’t want it to just waste your time,”

“It’s not going to waste my time,” Jungwon reassured the other, though his voice was using a bland tone so Jake wasn’t all that convinced by it, “What is wasting my time, however, is talking to you while I have homework to do.”

“Homework? Is that Jay’s new nickname?”

“Haha, very funny,” Jungwon replied sarcastically, “There’s nothing going on between us. You guys are just sick in the head,”

“I doubt that.”

Jungwon rolled his eyes, “Night Jake,”

“Night,” and the call hung up.

It wasn’t a new thing that the guys would tease Jungwon and Jay for how close they were, but they always denied everything because there was really nothing going on. It was just a harmless joke, though he’d be a liar if he said he’s never wondered about it. But everyone questions their identities so he didn’t worry about it too much. The jokes never bothered either of them, so they just let it happen.

After the call ended, Jungwon thought it was best he went to bed anyway. He was pretty tired and honestly, he didn’t like staying up too late, especially on a school night. Did that make him sound like an old person? Not that that was a bad thing. He liked being old, even though he was the second youngest of all his friends—which is kinda strange that he acts older than the others sometimes. Everyone had their own little quirks, so it didn’t bother him much. Nothing really ever did, actually. He didn’t let things bother him, or at least he didn’t show that it did. He didn’t like being seen as weak, even though he wouldn’t be, but that was just how he felt.

He didn’t worry about the party as much as he did before. He knew it could either be great or a total bust, but either way, he’d still be spending it with his best friends. 

So what’s the worst that could happen?

✧✧✧

The party was set for that weekend, which couldn’t have come quick enough. For once, Jungwon was actually excited for something in his honor. Things were turning out good—the only issue being sneaking out and then sneaking into the mansion. He didn’t like sneaking out, or the idea of it, at all. He was a rule follower, though he’d rather not ever admit that. All his friends had everything to lose—cars, riches, popularity, reputation . . . while Jungwon had nothing to lose, except his grandmother and his friends. But that never seemed to drag them down, not even Niki. He thought maybe he wouldn’t feel so different since he and Niki’s families and upbringings were similar, but Niki was just like them, maybe even worse than them at times. But Jungwon didn’t like to break rules, skip class, or even be late on turning in an assignment. He wanted things to just go smoothly, while the others lived more in the moment. Of course it made him feel isolated, but he knew he wouldn’t feel like himself if he tried to be more like them. Besides, they always understood and included him so he would never feel left out. But still, he’d feel different because he knew he was.

On Saturday, Jungwon got dressed for the party. He wore black pants, a black jacket over a black Madonna shirt, and some black Converse. He thought he looked a bit ‘emo,’ but he was sure the others would dress more casually anyways so he didn’t worry too much about how he appeared. He put on deodorant and sprayed some cologne, though some got in his mouth which made him cough really hard for a minute. He cleared his throat and grabbed his phone off the bed. He shoved it into his pocket before finally turning to the door and opening it as quietly as he could. He didn’t want to wake his grandmother up if she was already asleep. Once it was opened up enough, he stepped into the hallway and headed to the front door. There, she was sitting in the living room watching TV again, like she usually did. 

“Where are you off to?” She asks with a chirping voice, nosy but with a gentle smile. 

“Oh I’m,” he had to think of something quick, “going to stay at Jay’s for the night. Is that okay?” He raised his eyebrows, hoping she said that was okay — though he’d go either way, but he wished he wouldn’t have to sneak out — but he was relieved once her smile grew bigger.

“Of course, just make sure you’re safe, okay?” She gestured for him to come closer so he obliged and she brought him into a hug, “I love you, grandson. Be careful, and tell Jay I say hi.”

Jungwon smiled as he pulled back, “I will. I’ll be back tomorrow,” he bowed and turned away, heading out the door to see that Jay had just pulled into the driveway. His Dodge Charger was cleaner, sharper than ever. He must’ve cleaned it earlier.

Jay unlocked the doors, letting Jungwon get into the passenger seat, like always. “You ready?” He asks, looking over at the younger boy.

Jungwon nodded, “I think so,” 

“Yeah?” and Jungwon nodded again. “Jake said he’s still worried you might not be,” he looked back as he started to reverse and back out of the driveway. Jungwon drew his brows together.

“Why?”

Jay shrugged. “I think it has to do with you usually not liking parties. But this one will be good,”

Jungwon agreed, “I know. I’m excited,”

The older one smiled. “I’m glad to hear that,” he pushed the stick into drive and started to drive down the street, leaving Jungwon’s grandmother’s house and heading out to the mansion.

It was only a quarter past 8 so the maids and staff had all left by then. They were the first ones there, parking out in the back instead of the large, round driveway in front of the mansion. Jake and Sunghoon were already there, using Jake’s car, but the others had yet to arrive as well. It didn’t take long for them to, so the group headed to the mansion’s giant double doors. Sunghoon took a key out of his pocket, one he had taken from his parents, to unlock the door. They apparently had a key to Mr Hwang’s house which Sunghoon didn’t know about until just an hour ago.

Jake was the first to run in. “Oh shit!” He exclaims, “This place is huge!”

White walls, marble flooring, At the end of the entrance hallway, was a gigantic room, staircases on either side as you entered it. There was a kitchen to his left, a living room where he stood, and a foosball table to his right. Jake was in awe, but so were the others.  Above the kitchen area was the upstairs corridor that reached over to above where the guys had just come from, a fence blocking the edge though anyone could stand up there and look down into the first floor easily. 

“Would you be quiet?” Jay hushed him quickly, “What if someone’s still here?”

“No one is here,” said Niki, “No cars are here except ours. We are totally alone,” but that didn’t sound too appealing to Jungwon.

Heeseung stood by the kitchen. “Alright, can we get this party going? We said 9, right?”

Jungwon intruded. “Wait, are other people coming?”

Jake scoffed, “Duh,” he laughs, “it’s a house party, Jungwon. Of course loads of people will be here to celebrate you,” then he became quiet, “Wait, you’re okay with that right?”

Sunghoon glared, “You didn’t ask—” 

“I forgot!” Jake whisper-shouted at the other before turning back to Jungwon. “If it’s not okay, I can send out a mass-text saying we canceled it.”

“What about Lydia?” Jay suddenly asked, which caused Jake to become inhumanly pale. 

Sunoo stared for a moment, “Why do you look like a ghost?” He suddenly berates the older, “Is this Lydia girl a friend of yours?” 

“Y-Yeah,” Jake scratched the back of his neck, “but it’s nothing. We’re just friends,”

Heeseung rolled his eyes, “He invited her personally before inviting everyone else, then bought snacks that only she likes,” he told the others before he smirked at Jake, “He’s practically in love with her.”

“I am not!” Jake denied it immediately. “We are just friends! That’s it!” He flailed his hands around defensively, which wasn’t helping his case. Sunghoon judged but let out a laugh before turning around to Jay to talk to him as Jungwon stood by Sunoo.

“Jay, you seeing anyone?” Jungwon hears Sunghoon eventually ask Jay, but he averts his eyes and keeps talking with Sunoo, though he did his best to try and hear what Jay said in return. However, that was cut short when Heeseung walked into the kitchen, opened what he thought was the pantry, but instead found a huge wine cellar. “Guys!” Heeseung calls out for them, “He’s got a wine cellar!”

Sunoo turned and rolled his eyes, “God why do so many of them act younger than us sometimes?” He mutters to Jungwon, though the other wasn’t paying any attention. Again, lost in his thoughts, Jungwon had started to zone out and wonder how tonight was going to go. He hoped it would go well, but that wasn’t always promised.

“They have apple cider!?” Jake’s sudden shouting knocked Jungwon out of his head, returning him to reality — though he kind of wished he was in bed at home right now. 

An arm wrapped around his shoulders, pushing him forward a bit but he caught himself, though a grip on his arm latched on for a moment or two. He turned his head and saw Jay standing there beside him, side-hugging him but not letting him go. It felt nice.

“You sure you want this party?” Jay whispered to him, “We can go home if you want,” it’s almost like he could read his mind. 

Jungwon nodded, “I’m okay. It’ll be fun,” he tried to sound hopeful, “Relax,” it was obvious that Jay was worried about him then. His eyebrows were furrowed and drew in together, creasing upwards and revealing worry-lines on his cheeks and his forehead. It was very easy to read Jay, especially whenever he’s mad. His jaw would protrude and his teeth would grit while usually tightening a fist or yelling out something, then he’d touch the side or back of his head as he tried to calm down. 

Jay shook his head, “Y’know I can’t do that,” he remarked, but Jungwon smiled.

“Just try,” Jungwon said, “for me?”

Jay looked over at Jungwon, but it felt different. His eyes sparkled in a way he never noticed they did before, but nonetheless, before Jungwon could say anything else, Jay looked away and nodded. “I’ll do my best,” he replied, and then a smile appeared on his face. Jungwon didn’t catch this, but while he wasn’t looking, Jay mouthed the words ‘for you’ as he smiled. It was like second nature for the others to notice how close the two were, but it was surprising how neither of them had realized what lies behind what they believe about themselves.

Sunoo grabbed one of the bags that Jake was carrying and took out the lights. He started to hang them around the room with Jake, while Sunghoon started to put out the snacks and drinks in the kitchen, eventually asking Jay to help him. Heeseung then went up to Jungwon and asked him to accompany him as they checked the rest of the house out. Obliging, Jungwon and Heeseung went upstairs and looked around. There was a bathroom, two guest bedrooms, and the master bedroom and its own bathroom. There were a couple closets and another living room area, along with a door that led up to the attic. They didn’t really snoop around, only really peaking into each other before doing the same for the downstairs rooms. It was a really nice house, Jungwon felt pretty jealous. Heeseung didn’t seem that impressed, but his house was much bigger than Mr Hwang’s, same as Jay and Jake’s houses. Sunghoon’s was about the same, while the others’ had smaller houses. Niki had a house just like Jungwon’s—a one story, three bedroom house with two bathrooms and a small backyard. Jungwon’s was only a two bedroom house, but they lived on the same block. Niki had offered to take Jungwon to and from school plenty of times, but Jungwon would always tell him to not worry about it. It was then that Niki realized just how close Jungwon and Jay were, but he didn’t judge them. 

Back in the main room, it was 5 til 9 and a couple cars had just pulled into the driveway. Jake and Jay had run out there to figure out where people would park, while the others finished setting up for the party. At 9 exactly, everything was done. There were lights that hung from the upstairs corridor, hanging into the main room, glowing beautiful colors and brightening up the room. The speakers started to play this playlist Jake had made for the party, starting with Already Best Friends by Jack Harlow and Chris Brown.

The front doors open and people start to slowly pour in, some holding beer and others just cheering for the party. Heeseung and Sunghoon always threw the best parties, but it was always Jake and Jay who made it worth everyone’s while. Jungwon sat on the couch, drinking fruit punch in a red cup (just like the movies) as he waited for Jay and Jake to come back inside. It was going to be a while, but the others were too busy getting the party started to notice him sitting alone. He didn’t mind it, however. He knew they were busy so he didn’t mind. 

He was used to it.

✧✧✧

Sunoo never liked loud noises, especially blasting music. He was probably the only one that agreed with Jungwon that they shouldn’t have a party, but only because he didn’t like how loud parties could be. He still believed Jungwon’s achievement should be celebrated, just not with a party like this. Not that Jungwon didn’t deserve it, because he did. Sunoo just didn’t like loud things. It was just that simple.

He never liked loud spaces, that was obvious about him. He liked being in quieter, even dead silent rooms where you could hear a pin drop. The others mostly thought it was weird, though Sunghoon and Jay kinda agreed but they didn’t like it all the time, not like Sunoo.

Now, as he sat alone in this one room, apart from everyone else, he drank his fruit punch out of his glass—which he took from the wine glass cabinet because he felt more obligated to do so than the others—and sat in this chair by a short table. He messed with the bracelet on his wrist some, it was one his older sister made for him when they were little. There was no door to this room, which he thought was weird because it had a bed inside it. Maybe it was a guest room, he wasn’t sure.

It was kind of stupid of him to assume he’d be able to stay alone as Niki came into the room and sat beside him, panting like he had been partying for hours on end. His once very combed hair was now messy, almost like a bed-head, and his eyes were narrow, but maybe it was because this room was so much more dim than the other rooms. Sunoo thought the younger boy looked funny, so he chuckled. “Having fun?” He teases.

Niki gives him a glare. “More than you are, apparently,” he remarks, “What are you doing in here?”

“What does it look like?” Sunoo took a sip of his glass, “I’m relaxing.”

“You can’t relax at a party,” Niki replied quickly, “Unless it’s with weed.”

Sunoo scoffed, “You’re such an addict,” 

But Niki didn’t think it was funny. “I’m not an addict. I don’t smoke that often anyways. Not like— Like—” He struggled to name anyone else, though once he did, his voice got louder, “Like Jake or Sunghoon! They smoke so much the neighbors think something’s burning.”

That wasn’t true. Jake and Sunghoon only socially smoked, though that may just be as bad as a smoke or two every other day. Niki smoked a couple times throughout the week, really to keep his mind off things and not to worry so much. His carefree side, really, though he’d never admit to anyone how much better he feels when he’s high. He doesn’t like to be called an addict, he doesn’t like to be unintentionally compared to his father. 

The older raised his eyebrow, “Don’t they only smoke at parties?”

“Hell if I know,” Niki sat back in his chair, “I just don’t smoke that much. Plus, anyways we have to be careful. You know how Jungwon feels about this kind of shit,” 

“I love Jungwon to death, but are you really letting how he feels about shit, dictate how you go on about your life? You sound like a kiss-ass,” it was abundantly clear how blunt Sunoo was, though Niki was used to it. He was Sunoo’s oldest friend. 

“I’m not a kiss-ass, wise-ass,” He remarked back at Sunoo, “and for your information, I don’t smoke that much, not because of Jungwon, but because of Jay.”

“What difference does that make?”

“Jungwon swore it off because of shit he won’t tell us, but Jay quit smoking and I try to stay respectful of that. He’s worked hard,” Niki explained, then he turned, “How dare you call me a kiss-ass.”

Sunoo shrugged, “If the shoe fits,” 

Niki rolled his eyes. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“What?” Niki looked over, though Sunoo was staring at his glass, almost dissociated.

He was quiet for a moment, before he parted his lips and let out a quick sigh before looking over at Niki. “What really happened with your parents this time?”

Niki looked away. “I told you. It was the smoking,” which kind of contradicted his earlier statement about how little he smokes, but that wasn’t what Sunoo caught on about it.

“Oh to hell with that—Your parents are addicts, how could they be pissed about you smoking when they were cooking up meth in the kitchen your whole life.” It was such a blunt way to describe it, and it sure as hell caught Niki off guard. Though, he knew Sunoo was right.

Niki’s parents were addicts, former meth-chefs, though still, very much addicts. They’d get onto Niki for everything under the sun, which is why he always ran away or got kicked out, though it wasn’t long until he’d move right back in again. He’s learned to cope with it, though it’s always thrown in his face for how much of a “failure” he was, despite the obvious factors of how Niki was one of the only two people who got a scholarship to such a prestigious private academy, but of course, his parents never gave a damn about it, or even Niki for that matter. The others felt bad for him, but Niki couldn’t care less. He didn’t care about them anymore than they cared about him. He only ever went back to them because of his siblings. If he could take them with him, he would in a heartbeat. But they’d never leave their parents. He knew that too well.

“I don’t know, they’re fucking weird,” Niki answered, “I never know what they’re going to do or say next. You think you’d know that by now, after the countless amount of times I’ve had to stay with you or Jake over the last year alone.”

Sunoo stared at him. “My house will always be a home to you, but you need to straighten things out with your parents. Either make amends, or move the hell out. Emancipate, even.”

Niki scoffed, “You really think they’d let me emancipate myself? You’re hilarious.”

“Look, it’s not a bad idea,” Sunoo told him, and he softened his voice before he spoke again in a whisper, “I just want you safe.”

The other sighed and turned his head away. “I’ll talk to them tomorrow. Okay?”

Sunoo reached over his hand with his pinky pointed out, “Promise?”

Niki groaned and he hooked his pinky with Sunoo’s, “Promise.”

Sunoo pulled back, “Good. Now that that’s settled, could you get me more fruit punch?” He basically shoves the glass into Niki’s hand before he could even answer. Niki rolled his eyes and nodded before he stood up and headed out of the room, leaving Sunoo alone once again.

✧✧✧

Outside, Jay and Jake were helping the cars find places to park without absolutely destroying Mr Hwang’s yard. Thankfully, nobody had to. Eventually, Jay told Jake to head inside and get the party started while he finished up helping all the cars. After a while, the last car parked so Jay took a second to recuperate before returning to the party. He took out a lollipop, sticking it into his mouth and throwing the wrapper away in the outside trash can before walking in through the garage. Inside the house, he walked down a long, red-lit hallway, people scattered along the way. Most of them greeted him, some even dabbed him up. Everyone knew Jay. If you didn’t, well, you probably just weren’t as cool as everyone else then. Kidding—but seriously, everyone knew Jay, like everyone knew Heeseung, and Sunghoon, and all the rest of them. Even not knowing Jungwon was a surprise, but it’d be hard not to know him if you already knew Jay. They were basically attached at the hip.

At the end of the hall, right where the room blends into the center room, Jay sees Heeseung standing against a pillar, talking to some girl Jay didn’t recognize. In the corner of his eye, Heeseung sees the other and waves him over. Jay, hesitantly, obliges, though he greets the girl first with a quick bow, then a dab-up with Heeseung. The girl eventually walked away, but before Jay could say anything, Heeseung turned to him first.

“You seen Jungwon?” 

“No, I’ve had other priorities,” Jay was quick to respond, which was pretty normal. Though, his demeanor changed. “Why? Is something wrong with him?” There was a quick pause in his breath, a shift in his eyes. Heeseung always noticed it, but the others never believed him. 

“No, I don’t think so,” Heeseung lightly shoved Jay playfully, “Calm down, man.” He teased, but it didn’t feel like a joke—or at least that it was taken that way. He looked over and saw some of the others standing near the center of the room, “Come on, we need to get wasted,” 

Jay smiled then, and the two walked over to the others, arms around each other, as if they were already tipsy, though all they’ve had was fruit punch. They all stand in a circle, but the only person that’s missing is—“Where’s Jungwon?” Jay questioned the others.

Sunoo spoke up first, “I think he’s in the bathroom.”

“It’s a little too loud in here,” Jake commented, “Should we celebrate in another room?” The room was crowded, loud, and very bright. “It might make it easier for Jungwon,”

Sunghoon nodded, “Good idea. And Niki, would you be careful with the cake please?” He remarks at the younger, earning a sour look from the boy.

“I’m careful!” He says just before his shoe scoots against the floor, almost making him trip. He gathers himself and clears his throat, “I’m careful,” he repeats to Sunghoon before walking out into the dining room with the others following behind him. The cake was chocolate with vanilla icing, red whipped cream, and one single red and white candle on top. It was empty in that room, only a china cabinet or two inside, with a large round dining table with seven seats exactly. Niki sets the cake right in the middle, and the others take their seats, leaving one empty seat right in front of the windows for Jungwon to sit in. 

It took a minute before Jungwon made his way to the room, taking his seat with a big smile plastered on his face. Like a clown. He took his seat, still smiling as he scooted it closer to the table. Heeseung lit the candles with Niki’s lighter, though it didn’t even pass Jungwon’s mind about the reason why Niki had a lighter, but that was because he was just so enraptured by the cake in front of him. After a count of ten from his friends, Jungwon blew out the candles and the others clapped. For a moment, Jungwon wished time would stop and that he could stay right there forever. Timeless, almost. 

What struck him out of his thoughts was a sudden sound from behind him, he turned back as the others continued to talk. It sounded like something, a rock maybe, was thrown at the edge of the window, it didn’t hit the glass, he thought, it would’ve been easier to recognize. When he turned back to the others, he realized he was the only one who had heard it, which almost convinced him that he was crazy. Almost.

“Jeez, this party’s getting out of control,” Heeseung comments under his breath when the room gets suddenly quiet after a bunch of yelling is heard from the other room. 

“Would it be bad to say that the punch was spiked?” Sunghoon suddenly asked, earning a weird look from everyone else. “What?” He leaned back, “I didn’t know until just now,” he says as he sips on his drink.

Jay stared. “If it’s spiked then why are you still drinking it?”

Sunghoon glanced at him before looking at his cup for a good minute. “It’s good,” he shrugged and continued to drink it. 

Heeseung rolled his eyes, “Anyways. Let’s get back to the party. Hey, Jake, maybe your girlfriend’s here!”

Jake turned to him quickly. “No, she’s not!” Then he cleared his throat, “And she’s not my girlfriend.” He corrected the older, but he just laughed. 

“Whatever you say, Jake,” and the group rose from their seats and started to leave the room. Jungwon stayed behind and cut his cake, though he wasn’t alone for long. Jake actually stayed behind and sat beside Jungwon, cutting himself a piece as well and eating it with him. Jungwon and Jake were pretty close as well, he was the second one who Jungwon had met, with Jay being the first (obviously). They always got along more than Jay and Jungwon did, since they would always bicker like a married couple yet spend every waking day together (again, like a married couple—hence the teasing). 

In a long list of ways, Jake was a lot like Jay. There were more differences than similarities, but even the similarities appeared more than the differences ever could. Jay was more concluded, to himself and away from most people, while Jake was way more outgoing, he liked to socialize and get along with people, it made him feel included. But despite how talkative Jake could be, when he stopped talking, it usually meant he didn’t want to talk anymore. That was another thing that made him and Jay so alike. They both would just stop talking, almost like they were raised by the same trauma-ridden parents, but they both had such a perfect lives, except the split between their parents—which they both basically bonded over. 

With a mouth full of cake, Jungwon turned to Jake and asked him, “Why are you in here with me?” His voice was muffled, but Jake weirdly understood him clearly.

“Why would I leave you alone at your own party?” Jake took another bite, “Plus this cake is the absolute shit,” 

“Yeah, but everyone else left.”

“They’re lonely and want to seem like they get bitches so they get bitches. Or at least, Sunghoon and Heeseung do that. Sunoo couldn’t care less, Niki is probably—” He cut himself off, trying not to just outright say that Niki was probably smoking, knowing how Jungwon felt about smoking, though he’s known about Niki’s smoking for almost a week now, “—hanging with Jay who is probably standing by a wall trying to act like he’s all tough and shit,”

Jungwon shrugged, “Maybe,” and he took another bite. 

Jake hummed. “You alright?”

Jungwon nodded.

“You sure? You seem kinda off, Won.”

“I’m fine,” Jungwon replied, “I think I’m just tired.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“No, no,” Jungwon shook his head, “I don’t want to ruin the vibe,”

Jake raised his eyebrow, “Ruin what vibe? It’s a party,”

“Yeah, a party for me,” The younger said, “I can’t just leave. What about the guys? They’re having fun, and I don’t want to ruin that.”

“That shouldn’t matter,” said Jake, “Don’t force yourself to stay here for them. I can take you home,”

But Jungwon shook his head, “No, no, it’s okay, I promise. It’s just a little overwhelming but I’m fine. It’s okay in here,” he glances around, then he looks back at Jake, “Don’t you want to join them?”

Jake shrugged, “Partying has never really been my thing,” then he sipped on his water, “And I’m kinda waiting on Lydia to get here first,”

“And you’re not dating?”

A pink color flushed across Jake’s cheeks, “Trying to.”

Jungwon looked over at him almost immediately, “So you do like her!”

“Well duh,” Jake laughed, “She’s beautiful, and kind, and smart and funny,” there was a curving smile on his lips, one that wasn’t going to go away for hours, “I just didn’t want to tell the guys just yet,”

“Why? They won’t make fun of you,”

“Yeah but they’re so lonely,”

Jungwon laughed, “True, very true,”

Jake looked at the clock on the wall, “It’s only been forty minutes since the party started? I swear it’s been hours,” he comments. Jungwon shrugs in response. “It’s only 9.”

“I’m not surprised,” Jungwon says, leaning back in his chair, “Today’s been slow as hell.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jake shrugged. “You sure you’re alright?”

Jungwon nodded, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

But Jake didn’t say anything. That meant the conversation was over.

✧✧✧

After three drinks that felt like seven, Jay found himself stumbling into the master bedroom. He didn’t know how he made it all the way up the stairs, nor did he even remember if he did or not, but his thoughts faded as he lay on the bed, plopping down like he had given up. His alcohol tolerance was usually higher, but today just felt so weird. He didn’t feel like himself. Did someone spike the alcohol? Can someone actually do that? So many questions were racing through his mind. But his head was pounding, he couldn’t think clearly.

The master bedroom was painted a light blue, not exactly baby blue, but around it. It had white borders halfway up the walls. The furniture was antique, though the bed-frame looked straight out of an episode of Bridgerton. It was almost too fancy for Jay’s liking. Not that his opinion mattered, this wasn’t his house, though maybe it didn’t belong to anyone anymore.

There, on the bed, Jay sunk into the mattress. He felt so cozy, enough to drift asleep at any moment. But his stomach started to ache so he sat up and walked over to the bathroom quickly, fast enough to make it in case he threw up, but the pain faded after a moment or two and he leaned against the closed bathroom door, still standing in the bedroom. His eyes glanced around the room more, noticing more and more. There was not a single photo hanging up, except one that sat on the dresser. Curiously, he walked over to it and grabbed it. 

It was a photo of Mr Hwang and his wife. She was beautiful, but stupidly, he started to wonder why he hadn’t seen any other photos around the house. Why was it just this one? It was just a photo of them together in front of the house, it may have been special to them but was it special enough to only have this one sitting out? Not a single wedding photo, family portrait—he had kids—nothing at all, except that one. Jay didn’t understand. But it wasn’t his business.

Of course, he didn’t care, so he started to snoop. In the dresser, there weren’t any clothes at all. Instead, there were notebooks, letters, photos (some framed, some not), with an insane amount of torn up pieces of old photos thrown all over the inside of the drawer, but what caught his eye the most was an amulet, a crimson-colored ruby in the middle, embroidered with pure silver with Ochiul Lui Lucifer was engraved into said silver. It was beautiful, so mesmerizing. As Jay was drunker than a homeless guy on New Year's Eve, he put the amulet around his neck and went to look at himself in the mirror. There, he stood in the bathroom, admiring himself as he smelt of booze, but he couldn’t care less. He was, in fact, too drunk to care. 

“Jay! Where are you?!”

He heard Sunghoon call in the distance. Jay quickly hid the medallion behind his shirt and headed out of the room. The silver was cold against his bare chest, but after a moment, it became warm. He met with Sunghoon in the corridor, who immediately asked him how much he had to drink, and when he gave him the honest answer of 3, Sunghoon shook his head and called him a liar under his breath, hoping that Jay was too drunk to hear him. 

Just like before, his stomach started to turn again, but it didn’t hurt. It just felt so weird, and his muscles started to strain, his eyes becoming watery. He stopped walking suddenly, Sunghoon stopped too and helped him stand up straight. “Dude,” he started to say, “Did you have too much to drink?” He knew the answer, yet he still asked.

But Jay shook his head, “N-No, I’ve only had three drinks, I told you. I just—” He shuddered, “I feel sick.” 

Sunghoon tried to lean away as he helped Jay down the steps, “Keep your vomit inside until I get at least 50 feet away from you, will you?” Though Jay didn’t reply aloud, he nodded and that helped Sunghoon feel a little better, despite his fear of being vomited on still growing with each groan Jay let out as they walked. 

In the center room, the others were all spread across the room, talking with either each other or other people, though it was quick for Jungwon to notice the terribly drunken Jay being held up by Sunghoon. He headed over to them, Sunoo following him, then Niki and then Heeseung and Jake. 

“Is he okay?” Jungwon asks, “Are you okay?” He places his hand on Jay’s bicep, his thumb rubbing itself against his sleeve, trying to get his attention, yet he hadn’t realized that he already had all of it. Always did. 

“I’m fine,” Jay forced himself to stand upright, ignoring the sharp pain in his stomach that only grew worse and worse. The look on Jungwon’s face didn’t change, though it shifted a bit as his eyebrows started to crease, knotting together. He knew that look. “I’m okay,” but it was a lie, it was clear as day. He wasn’t okay at all, and Jungwon knew that. There was no way he didn’t. It was almost second nature to him, Jungwon could read Jay like a book, the same way Jay could read him. Sometimes, you would think the two knew more about each other than what they know about themselves. To them, that wasn’t true, but to everyone else, it was their reality.

“Don’t lie to me,” Jungwon remarked, quite loudly actually, “How much did you have to drink?”

“Three cups, that’s it.” 

“Jay.”

“Only three!” But just as he exclaimed that, that sharp pain came back, worse this time. He folded and clutched his stomach tight, “I feel so sick,” He grumbled. Jungwon held him up, he practically flew into him the moment he started to clutch his stomach. “I want to go home,” his voice was quiet, soft, breaking as his eyes turned shiny. He swore he felt his heart break.

“Stop the party,”

“What?” Heeseung perked his head up, and the others all turned to Jungwon.

“I said, stop the party,” he repeated, his voice clear, stern. Jake didn’t hesitate.

Jake headed over to the kitchen, turning off the music from his phone before he got onto the island and stood there, getting everyone’s attention. “Alright, I’m sorry to break it to you all, but we gotta cut this party short tonight. We’ll have another soon, but we have a bit of an emergency so it’s for the best that we put a stop to this party now and continue it later on.”

There were a bunch of groans and boo’s, but everyone pretty much left. The place was a bit of a mess, not too bad since the party had only really lasted an hour. Jake walked over to the others again as most of them were sitting on the couches, “Sunghoon and Jungwon, could you guys take Jay home? The rest of us can hang out here and clean up,”

But Jay shook his head, “No, n-no, I can’t get up,” he stuttered, shuddering and rubbing his arms. Was he cold? But it felt so hot in there. He was leaning against Jungwon, trying to keep himself sitting up but he was struggling. “I feel so bad,”

“Should we call an ambulance?” Sunoo asked, “This sounds serious, guys.”

“What’s even more serious is staying a night in jail for underage drinking,” said Sunghoon, “We are not calling an ambulance.”

“Why not? We have bail-out money,” said Heeseung.

Niki scoffed, “So you have bail-out money, but not rent-a-venue money so we just had to have a party in a house that belongs to a family friend of Sunghoon’s? Who—I might add—has been missing for two months now?” He remarked at the others, folding his arms as he leaned back against his chair. Sunoo, beside him, shrugged in agreement.

Jake sighed, “Let’s not get off track. What are we doing then, Jay?”

Jay took a minute to reply. “We could just stay here tonight,” 

Jungwon nodded, “Yeah, maybe he can sleep whatever this is off and we can get out of here before dawn tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is Sunday,” Sunghoon added, which confused the others. When nobody said anything and all of them just stared at him, Sunghoon furrowed his eyebrows. “The maids are off on Sundays, they won’t be here until Monday.”

“Alright so we stay here tonight and clean the house tomorrow and be out of here by tomorrow night?” Jake described what seemed to be the perfect plan. Everyone nodded in agreement. “Let’s get our beds set up and we’ll go ahead and get to sleeping. Jay can sleep on the couch and Niki, I’m going to assume you’re sleeping in that chair?”

Niki stared at him, “Does it look like I’ll be leaving this chair anytime soon?”

Jake blinked, “Okay it was a question, don’t be rude,” he cleared his throat, “I’ll be back, I’ll go get some of the bedding from the bedrooms,” and he headed off. Jungwon stood up from the couch and helped Jay carefully lay down fully on the couch, placing one of the throw pillows beneath his head. The others settled in quickly, all falling asleep to the quietness of the house that once echoed with loud music and consistent talking. Now, you could hear a pin drop. It was so calming, so peaceful, but as Jungwon lay on the floor beside the couch, with a part of him scared Jay might turn over and just puke on him, but the other part of him worried for him. He hoped he was okay, that this was all just a bad reaction to alcohol. He hoped, more than anything, that tonight would not end with losing him.

✧✧✧

An hour passed. Everyone was asleep. The house was cold, but the blankets were so thick, even Jungwon felt hot. But he still slept peacefully, like everyone else. They all slept in that center room, most of them on the floor, which they didn’t mind, but it was about 10 and yet Jay had woken back up. He was usually a deep sleeper, but his stomach hurt so bad, he was surprised he even fell asleep at all. He sat up on the couch, the pain traveling up to his chest. For a moment, there was clarity where the pain had stopped, but then it came back, worse this time, causing him to gasp and grab his chest. Then, the pain stopped, but he felt different, yet he felt the same as he’s always been. Confused, he shook his head but stood up from the couch. He thought he would take a walk around the house to clear his mind. 

When he got up, however, his mind wandered and his heart slowed. He didn’t know what that was, but he stumbled for a second, causing him to slightly bump into Sunoo who slept beside Jungwon. Once Jay had left the center room and entered the kitchen, that was when Sunoo woke up himself and got up. He made sure he didn’t wake up anyone when he did. Curiously, he went to follow Jay, but when he got there, Jay wasn’t there. Though still filled with curiosity and now worry, Sunoo walked through the hallway that was connected to the kitchen. It was dark, only the dim kitchen light slightly reflected into the room. At the end of the hallway, the bathroom light was on, and the door was closed, but the outline still briefly shone into the hall. He stood in front of the door, raising his fist to knock. “Jay?”

“Just a minute,” he hears Jay say through the door. The sink runs for a minute, before it stops and the door opens. There, Jay stood and Sunoo’s face shifted. “What?”

“Are—” Sunoo cleared his throat, “Are you okay? Are you feeling better?”

Jay stepped out of the bathroom, “Yeah. Yeah, I think,” his voice sounded weird, “What are you doing up? Did you have to use the bathroom, too?”

Sunoo shook his head, “No, I just wanted to check on you,” he paused for a moment before he sighed, “Listen. I know things have been tough lately, and I know you didn’t want to talk about this kind of stuff,” he hadn’t realized the darkened expression that appeared on Jay’s face as he was talking, “but I’m always here for you, Jay. You’re one of my best friends and I—”

“What are you talking about?” Little Sunoo giggled as he sat in the sandbox with his older sister, “Why would the castle have only one knight? It’s a big castle,”

She rolled her eyes, “Well, what if one knight wanted to marry the princess?” She suggests, holding one of the knight figurines in her hand with the princess figurine in the other, “Couldn’t he do that?” 

Sunoo looked at her, confused, “But what about protecting the castle? What about the Queen? And the King?” He tightened the bracelet on his wrist a little since it kept getting caught on the figurines, but his sister didn’t seem to notice.

“They’ll be protected, but the princess needs to be protected, too.”

“She’s not being protected, she’s getting a husband.”

“And?”

“And nothing,” said Sunoo sharply, “Not all husbands protect their wives.”

His sister looked at him, her eyes shining with her broken heart. She didn’t expect him to say such a thing, not then, maybe not ever. But he was just a kid, he didn’t know any better.

It was nothing that Sunoo would have known about his sister’s future, or even the present then. His sister had always picked the wrong boy to fall in love with, not that it was ever her intention, but she never fought to leave them either. Sunoo cherished the bracelet she gave him with all his heart, he loved his sister so much. She was his best friend, his everything. But now, in the present days, they haven’t spoken in two years.

She furrowed her brows, “I don’t want to play this anymore,” she grabbed the toys and put them into his backpack. “Come on, let’s go play on the swings,” she reached her hand to him and he took it, hesitantly, before grabbing the backpack and heading over to the swings with his older sister as their mother watched from the bench, alone just like she always had been.

His words were cut short, one of Jay’s hands gripped his arm so tight, holding him there, captive in his grip, but the other held a knife, which had been stabbed into his abdomen, cutting the skin, spilling blood. He choked, grabbing onto Jay with tears pouring from his eyes, blood starting to spew from his mouth. 

“Jay,” he whispers, “W-What are you doing?” It was a stupid question, wasting what may be his last breaths on such a simple, unspecified question. But the older looked him in his eyes, a hint of red glowing in the dark brown, and Sunoo had never been more scared in his life. 

Jay, with a dark smile, leaned over and whispered softly, lowly, into Sunoo’s ear.

“I am becoming God.” 

✧✧✧

It was a squeak from a sneaker against a wooden floor that woke Jungwon up. It was distant, from another room, but he still heard it. He had always been a light sleeper, something he hated more than he ever enjoyed. He sat up, yawning. He looked around, but quickly noticed that both Jay and Sunoo were gone. He reached over to Sunghoon, shaking him awake. For a moment, he didn’t, but after a few more shakes, with some aggressive ones, Sunghoon eventually sat up and turned to Jungwon. “What? What could you possibly want?” He was definitely not a morning person. 

“Jay and Sunoo are gone,” Jungwon told him.

Sunghoon looked over at him, but he didn’t say anything. He quickly stood up and Jungwon did the same. Then, the two went on to find their friends while the others continued to sleep peacefully, without a single thought of worry in their little heads at all. 

Through the kitchen and down the hall, they couldn’t see a thing. Stupidly, they continued on until Jungwon stopped suddenly when a weird, quiet splash sound Sunghoon took out his phone and turned on the flashlight, but as it was pointing to the floor, the first thing they saw was a puddle of blood. 

Jungwon gasped but Sunghoon slowly raised his phone along the smeared blood down the hall, shining the flashlight up the wall at the end of the hallway, seeing what appeared to be their own friend, his hands and legs nailed to the wall, covered in his own blood. Crucified, perhaps. Beneath his hovering feet, a pentagram-like circle was drawn out on the floor, with what they could only assume was blood. It was literally like a ritual. Sunghoon dropped his phone at the sight of it, and Jungwon screamed, so loud, he screamed. 

The others woke up immediately, all jumping up and running to find whoever had just screamed, finding Jungwon and Sunghoon in the dark hallway. Heeseung flipped the light on, seeing the same as the others had seen before. 

“Sunoo . . .” Niki stepped back, his eyes widening. 

“What the fuck—” Heeseung pushed through the others, then he turned back and looked at Jungwon and Sunghoon. “What the fuck happened?”

Jungwon snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Heeseung, furrowing his eyebrows. “I don’t . . . I don’t know. I woke up because I heard something but Jay and Sunoo weren’t here so we went to find them a-and . . .” He hitched his breath, “Oh god.” He put his face into his hands and started to breathe heavily, “Do we call the police? What do we do?”

Heeseung nodded, “Yeah. We’ll call the police—”

The light suddenly shut off, it became pitch black again. They looked around frantically, while Heeseung tried to get back to the lightswitch to turn the lights back on. To his surprise, it didn’t work. The power had gone out.

“The power’s out,” Heeseung told the others, “Do you think this place has a backup generator?” He looked at Sunghoon specifically as he grabbed his phone off the ground and kept the flashlight on.

“There should be,” said Sunghoon, “Every house on this street has one. But we shouldn’t worry about that. We should leave before anyone else gets hurt,”

But as everyone starts heading out, Jungwon stops, “Wait, what about Jay? We have to find Jay,” but when the others didn’t say anything, Jungwon’s breath slowed before he took a deep breath, “Fine. If you won’t go look for him, then I’ll do it myself.”

“Like hell, you do,” Sunghoon stepped in front of him. “You’re not going alone. We’ll find him—together.”

Jungwon nodded, but then he turned back to Sunoo’s body and stepped closer to it. The others watched him, silently, but Niki stepped through them and walked up beside Jungwon. He reached up and untied the bracelet from Sunoo’s wrist and held it to his chest. “I’ll protect her,” he whispered, “Rest easy, my friend.” And he backed away. Jungwon stood there another moment before he did as well, following the others back into the center room. Sunghoon and Heeseung headed off to the front door to get help from the neighbors first while Jake and Niki tried to figure out where the generator was to the house since there was no basement.

Heeseung and Sunghoon quickly returned, however. Apparently all the outside doors were locked, even the door to the garage so there was no way they could get in there in case the generators were in there. The only outside door that was left unlocked was the back door.

“Are you saying we have to go out there?” Sunghoon questioned Niki, “Do you not realize what the hell is out there?”

Niki shook his head, “No, but please, please give us the insight, old wise one!” He mocked the older, groaning before he sat down in the chair, just like before. It may appear that Niki wasn’t that much affected by the death of Sunoo, but inside, Jungwon knew Niki was terrified, grieving their best friend without trying to worry the others. Niki never handled his emotions well, but today he did. Maybe it was a final toast to Sunoo. 

Jungwon stood behind the couch where Heeseung and Jake sat. Sunghoon stood in front of the four, trying to figure out a plan to get out of the house and get help. 

“In the backyard, there’s a maze. It leads out to the shed and the pool, and most likely, the generators are in the pool house,” Sunghoon explained to them, “As long as we get through the maze to turn the power back on, we can call the police and get the hell out of here.”

“Why the hell does this dude have a maze in his backyard?” Jake questioned Sunghoon, as if he had any idea.

“I don’t know! Rich people have weird shit!” An understatement, honestly.

“Okay wait, are we all going through the maze?” Jake asked, “Or are we splitting up?”

Niki scoffed, “What is this? Scooby-Doo?” 

Heeseung shrugged. “It’s not a bad idea,” he says, “Sunghoon and I can head out to the pool house, and you guys can keep looking for Jay?”

Jungwon nodded, and both Jake and Heeseung stood up. Niki sat for another minute before he took out the bracelet that belonged to Sunoo and he tied it around his wrist. Jungwon watched as the other three had already started to walk outside. When Niki got done tying it, he stood up and walked outside with Jungwon to join the others, not knowing what could be waiting for them, how this night might end, or more importantly, when they’ll know the truth.

The moon was full, bright and white. It looked bigger than usual, it almost filled the sky. Jungwon felt uneasy, the sight of his best friend’s body still living in his eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He kept wondering, asking himself—Who could have done such a thing to another human being? It was so macabre, so bloody and violent. It was straight out a horror movie, and it did not help at all that it was his own best friend that turned out to be the victim. He couldn’t stop thinking about who may be next, who will be killed—no, slaughtered—next.

He hoped Jay hadn’t been killed, that he was okay, that he was only hiding. He wanted to call out for his friend, but they weren’t sure where the killer had gone. He didn’t want to lead the killer right to them, wherever they were. But he still hoped, wherever he was, that Jay was okay. 

Outside, the group stood on the back deck. Jungwon, Niki, and Jake all stood back as Heeseung and Sunghoon headed towards the tall, bush-wall maze, belonging to a man who’s been missing for months. Why did he let them do this party? We shouldn’t be here. We never should have come. Jake looked over at Jungwon and Niki, folding his arms. “Should we go look for Jay?” He asked.

Niki looked at the maze, “Shouldn’t we wait for them? What if the killer is out there? Or inside the house?” He glanced at Jungwon, “I’m sure Jay’s fine. He’s tough. Maybe he made it out and went to get help,” it was a suggestion, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was possible.

Jungwon lowered his head, but Jake stepped forward. “We’ll find him,” he looked over at Jungwon and smiled at him, “swear to it.”

He nodded. Niki turned to the house, “You think he’s in there?” 

Jake shrugged. “He’s smart. Maybe he did make it out and went to get help,”

Jungwon shook his head, “He would’ve come to tell us, or we would’ve at least heard the door. He has to be hiding somewhere,”

“Good point,” Jake agreed. 

Niki turned away. “What if he’s not . . .” He paused, a moment of silence that ached Jungwon’s heart more than he’s ever felt before, “What if he was killed, too?”

Jake shut him down quick, “Don’t say that. He could be alive,”

“But we can’t get our hopes up,” Jungwon intruded, lowering his head, “Shit happens.”

Jake started to frown, but Niki didn’t get it. “We still need to find him, even if that’s true, even if it’s not. We have to find—”

A screech of a man echoes through the maze, through the yard. Their heads turn like a reflex, eyes wide like a doll’s. Oh this was the end, Jungwon thought, but he knew he should never say it aloud. That scream was deafening, no doubt that it was Sunghoon, despite its higher pitch. But it was Heeseung. Heeseung was a quiet screamer, and it was weird that Jungwon knew that, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that tonight may just be their last. 

✧✧✧

“This was a terrible idea,” 

“Stop being dramatic,” said Heeseung, scoffing at his friend. 

Sunghoon clutched his chest, offended—“Dramatic? Our friend was murdered, our other friend is missing, and the killer is still out there, but I’m being dramatic? Yeah, okay.”

Heeseung rolled his eyes, “You are just proving my point there, Hoon.” 

Half way through the maze, there was a fountain and two ways to go. Sunghoon huffed and turned to Heeseung, “Which way should we go?”

“Let’s split up,”

“Are you fucking joking?”

“God, Hoon—It’ll be fine.” Heeseung patted his shoulder, “I’ll go right and you go left, and if you get spooked, just find your way back to the fountain and go down my way. Okay?”

Sunghoon stared at him, but eventually nodded. “Okay.” 

Heeseung smiled, and the two parted ways. Heeseung had gone right like he said, walking through the maze as far as he could until eventually he made it to a two way stop again. He huffed, but went left for the hell of it. Unfortunately, he ended up at a dead end so he turned around to walk the other way when he stopped, seeing a figure in the distance. He could barely see his face, but he knew who it was. His breath hitched, a wave of relief washed over him when he saw it was only Jay, slowly walking towards him with a smile on his face. “Oh, Jay, thank god you’re okay,” Heeseung placed his hand on his chest, sighing, “Where’ve you been?”

“I was in the pool house,” said Jay, chuckling. “I got so scared. I didn’t know where to go. When Sunoo, I—” 

Heeseung shushed him, “I know, I know. I was actually coming to turn the power back on. Isn’t it weird they have a generator in the pool house?”

“Oh, it’s not in there,” 

“It’s not?” Heeseung cursed under his breath, “Do you know where it’s at?”

Jay shrugged, but it was still too dark to see him, he still stood far back from Heeseung. “Maybe the garage? Or a closet inside the house,”

Heeseung nodded, “You’re right. Let’s get Sunghoon and head back,” but Jay stopped him just as he started to walk. “What?” Heeseung furrowed his eyebrows. “What is it?”

Jay stared at him, and for a split second, Heeseung saw red flash in his eyes. Taken back, Heeseung draws his eyebrows together, but he doesn’t say anything. Jay didn’t say a word for a moment, but then the power turned back on, and so did the maze’s light posts with one being almost directly in between the two. There, Heeseung saw the blood that stained Jay’s clothes and skin. There, he realized that Jay was never hiding. Instead, he was the one they should have been hiding from this whole time. He was the killer. He killed Sunoo, his own friend, and by the cold look in his eyes, Heeseung knew his fate. He knew it too well.

“I do not like this,” 

Little Heeseung laughed, “Why? I think it’s fun,” he says, placing down another playing card onto the small pile, “Go fish.”

Little Sunghoon groaned, “You win,” he tossed the cards at Heeseung, “Again.” He leaned back and crossed his arms, “You’re such a cheater,”

“And you’re such a sore loser,” Heeseung chuckles, picking up the cards. Sunghoon stifled his laugh but didn’t say anything. Heeseung and Sunghoon were just little kids then, sitting on the floor as they played Go Fish while they waited to be picked up by their parents. Sunghoon’s parents were always in the back of the line because they didn’t like to come so early and wait for so long. 

Heeseung looked up and saw the teacher walk back into the building, wagging her finger at Sunghoon, mouthing his name to get his attention. He grabbed his backpack and stood up, holding onto one of the straps. “Are you sure you don’t want to ride home with me?”

The other nodded, “I’m okay,” he told him, “She’ll be here any minute,” he smiled. Sunghoon waved goodbye and left, while Heeseung sat alone, but this wasn’t nearly the first time at all. It was an understatement how neglectful his parents were, they always paid attention to his older brother and their jobs, never about Heeseung. He spent more time with the maid than he ever has with his mother. He hated it, but he’s gotten used to it.

That day, they never came. Again, not the first time. But it was the last time as Heeseung told Sunghoon about it the following day, as Sunghoon always asks how he got home and was completely appalled when Heeseung told him he walked all the way home by himself—again. Sunghoon then promised Heeseung that he would always have a home there with his family, but even then, Heeseung knew it wasn’t his home. His home was where his pain started, the neglectfulness of a parent that swore they loved him with all their heart. He learned to ignore it, move past it, make the best out of it, even if it still hurts. 

His home was nowhere to be seen, but he didn’t care. He was a kid, and even without a home, Heeseung was still happy. He had his friends, the people at school, he made good grades, he was happy. He knew he would have made his parents proud if they ever paid any attention to him. But Ms. Kwan, the maid, always told him how proud of him she was. Her opinion was the only one that ever mattered to Heeseung. The only one that ever will.

His eyes wide, stepping back away but with a quick motion, a knife cuts his stomach. The cut was deep, his intestines started to hang out. He started to choke, blood pouring from his stomach and his mouth as he held his stomach, frozen but shaking. Jay smirked. “I’m sorry,” he spoke coldly, his voice hoarse, grabbing onto him, “I slipped,” and he stabbed him again, letting go of him so Heeseung would fall to the ground. 

“J-Jay—”

“It’s no hard feelings, alright?” His voice was deeper, like it wasn’t even his, “I’m just doing what I need to do. Nothing you’ve done, nothing you could have prevented either,” a smirk appeared on his cold, white face, but Heeseung knew it wasn’t him.

Heeseung, barely alive, chokes out. “You’ll never get away with this,” a bold statement, Jay was almost impressed. But the grin faded from his lips, and only darkness grew from his dark eyes now. Jay chuckled darkly, grabbing onto Heeseung’s collar and pulling him off the ground a bit. He smiled, leaning in close.

“Then I will give my all to prove you wrong,” and he lets go, causing Heeseung’s head to fall back against the ground beneath him, bleeding out as Jay laughed before grabbing onto his legs and dragging him away towards the fountain in the middle of the maze, where soon, their friends will mourn another, but eventually learn the truth.

Jungwon ran first, with Jake calling out for him and Niki watching from the back porch. He stood, frozen, as his two friends darted towards the maze’s entrance, running through the maze to find wherever Sunghoon was. Jake tried to catch up to Jungwon, but he was so fast. Through the maze, going the right path every time, Jake was even confused as he chased after Jungwon, eventually making it to the fountain where another one of their friends was dead, hanging on the fountain, like he had been crucified—just like Sunoo. Along the fountain’s circular edge, where most would sit to take a moment of breath, there was blood. So much blood, and the water had turned red, mixing with the blood. His stomach still (barely) held up the intestines that tried to fall out, his legs and hands stained with his own blood. Jake stopped there, just before he ran into Jungwon, who had abruptly stopped in front of the fountain. 

“Hee—” Jungwon gasped and covered his mouth, “Oh my god . .” But he saw the blood, and he saw the fountain. It was just like what happened to Sunoo. What the hell was all of this? There’s been pentagrams and crucifixion and so much death. Was this a cult?

Jake stepped back and turned, seeing Sunghoon sitting with his knees against his chest. He was shaking, his eyes dancing. “Sunghoon, Sunghoon,” Jake quickly headed over to him, trying to get him to snap out of it, “Sunghoon, look at me, you’re okay,”

Sunghoon didn’t move. “He’s dead. Sunoo’s dead. We’re going to die.” His eyes were wide, his body shivering. He was in shock, mumbling the same words to himself as he stared forward. 

Jake looked up and turned to Jungwon behind him. “Help me get him up,” 

Jungwon obliged and stepped towards them, both boys trying to lift Sunghoon off the ground. Jungwon stumbled a bit—Sunghoon wasn’t much taller than he was, but Jungwon was skinny, thin, not as strong as Sunghoon or, well, Jay. They walked out of the maze, completely forgetting about the generator, though the image of their dead friend did not even begin to fade from their eyes and mind.

Into the house, it was still dark. Some light reflected into the room from the windows, its dimness was noticeable, as it was only from the moon above. The full moon—call it a superstition, but Jungwon never liked full moons. They were always crazy nights, stressful or stress-less. There was no in between. Tonight was different. Tonight may actually be the end of everything.

“We’ve lost Sunoo and Heeseung,” Jake began to say, “Sunghoon’s in shock, and we have no idea where Jay is.” 

Sunghoon then grabbed onto Jake tightly, startling him. “No, no we can’t,” Sunghoon said hoarsely to Jake, “We can’t find Jay. We can’t.” His voice was shaking, tightly gripping Jake so tightly, it almost felt like he might tear his sleeve. 

Jake looked at him with furrowed brows, “What do you mean we can’t?” It was almost asking if Jay was already dead or not, but there was just this feeling in his gut that wasn’t anything close to what Sunghoon meant at all. Jungwon and Niki stood away by the couch in the center room, watching. Jake waited for a response, but before Sunghoon could say a thing, a voice rang out in the room, footsteps approaching from the main corridor upstairs. There, at the fence, stood Jay, clean but sweaty, like he had just been hiding all this time.

“Guys!” Jay exclaimed, “Thank god, you’re okay!” He came down the stairs and immediately hugged Jungwon and Jake, “I was so scared, I ran, I’m so sorry, I​​—”

“What are you sorry for?” Jungwon said with a raised brow, “You’re safe, that’s what matters.”

Jake nodded in agreement, both of them completely forgetting all that Sunghoon had to say. Even though only Sunghoon knew the truth—the truth that may just cost them their lives.

✧✧✧

“I was hiding in the upstairs closet. I was scared to come out. After seeing . . .” Jay shuddered as he spoke, “I was so scared.” He held his own arms so tight, like he was freezing in that warm room. His eyes shook with each beat of Sunghoon’s heart, because something inside him made him believe Jay didn’t have a heart at all. Jungwon frowned with empathy, and Jake raised his head to say another word. Niki sat away, as did Sunghoon, both watching but only one watched with fear. 

“We’ve lost Sunoo and Heeseung,” Jake began to say, “This doesn’t feel real. It can’t be.” He shook his head before burying his face into his hands. 

“This has to be a sick joke,” said Niki, “There’s no way we . . .” He trailed off, staring into the floor, “No. There’s just no way.” He stated. As Jake lifted his head, he noticed something shine behind the cloth of Jay’s shirt, a silver necklace with a red gem was all he could make out of it, but his thoughts were forgotten about as Jungwon continued the conversation at hand.

Jungwon glanced over, “Could this be a prank?”

"A prank?" Niki shook his head, "You think our own friends would take their own life and slaughter themselves like animals for a prank?"

"That's enough, Niki—"

"No, no, do you really think—" Niki stepped over, "Do you really think they wanted us to mourn over them just for a laugh?"

"Niki." Jake stepped closer, "Back off."

Jungwon stared into Niki's eyes and wathced as Niki backed up and turned away. Jungwon crossed his arms, "What do we do now?"

Sunghoon looked over, but Jake caught his attention once he said, “We don’t split up. We stick together. All we have now is each other, it’s the only way we’ll get out of here alive.”

Jay stood up, looking through the window out to the backyard. “Where did you see him last?” He asked the others, “Out there?” He pointed.

“I haven’t seen him,” Jake said, “None of us have. We know just as much as you do.”

Sunghoon scoffed, “I doubt that.” 

Jay hitched his breath, Sunghoon heard it, but apparently no one else did.

But Jungwon furrowed his eyebrows, uncrossing his arms. “What do you mean by that, Hoon?”

“Wait,” Jay said suddenly, “Wait—he’s coming towards the door, Hoon, help me hold the door!” He darted towards the back door, holding it shut, waving his hand for Sunghoon to help him. Sunghoon shot up and went over, despite knowing the truth, knowing it all but a part of him wished he was wrong, that the “truth” wasn’t true at all. 

Jake stood up, “Where do you want us?” Jungwon and Niki stood up as well.

“Go, I want you to go,” Jay said, “Hide, we’ll hold him off as long as we can before we hide, too.” Then, he grinned a little, “I promise, we’ll be fine.”

Jungwon nodded and he ran down the corridor with Jake and Niki behind him. Jay looked over at Sunghoon, and with a smile, he let go of the door, reached behind him and stabbed Sunghoon in his stomach. Sunghoon starts to choke, “J-Jay . . .”

For as long as he could remember, Sunghoon always kept himself busy. It was a coping mechanism, though to most, it seemed like he just didn’t like people and was probably quite shy. All of that was true, but it wasn’t why he would keep himself so busy. He joined so many clubs, did so much community service, worked almost an ungodly and possibly illegal amount of hours for work, all to keep himself away from home. 

His parents had an arranged marriage, conceived him for the benefit of their own parents’ money. He was raised by his mother and father, but separately. You’d be lucky to see his parents in the same room as each other. They did love each other, but only platonically and even then, they never got alone. But they couldn’t divorce each other because then they’d lose all their money. But Sunghoon never thought anything of it. It wasn’t his business, not his problem so he kept to himself—always. 

He was an independent child growing up, and even though he had a younger sister, he never teased her or poked fun at her, not the way any other older brother normally would. Instead, he protected her. He taught her how to live, how to survive, how to act kind instead of wealthy because they were—they had all the money in the world, but he wanted nothing to do with it. He wanted to be his own person, to not ever be like his parents. They weren’t bad parents, they weren’t even bad people. But he wanted to be free, away from the fake-love, the fake-marriage, the one-on-one parenting. Love could not keep his parents together, but money sure could. But he didn’t want to be like that. 

When he was older, his family moved to this great big house, worth about a million USD at least, just down the street from Mr Hwang. His parents met him and grew close with him, and suddenly, everything was different. He noticed how his parents started to act with each other, more loving and caring towards one another, like money never meant a thing to them. Love was there, pure love. He almost didn’t think anything of it, until more and more thoughts started to appear in his mind, making him realize the truth that something had changed.

“You’re just thinking too much into it,” said his little sister with a curving grin and a short chuckle, “Mom and Dad have always loved each other.”

But they didn’t—They never loved each other the way they suddenly do now. And she wouldn’t believe him, or even listen to anything he says about it. He was the only one who knew the truth, that this wasn’t right. Something had changed. But every time he brought it up with his sister, she’d call him crazy. And eventually, it stuck, and he stopped talking to her about it. Instead, he started to wish he wasn’t home anymore. So he made sure, with everything he had, that he rarely ever was.

“I’m sorry, old pal,” Jay said lowly, “You should’ve kept your mouth shut,” and with the same knife, he slit Sunghoon’s throat, his blood spraying onto him, covering him once again in his own friend’s blood, staining his clothes, his face, but it would only get worse as he saw, standing there in the kitchen, it was Niki. Paralyzed, frozen with wide eyes, traumatized from what he had just seen. “What’s the matter?” A sneering, but dark voice echoes through the room, “Don’t feel so left out. You’ll be joining him,”

Niki started to shake his head, backing into the counter behind him. “Jay—”

Then, Jay throws his knife towards him, stabbing Niki right in his chest, causing him to then fall to the ground. He steps over Sunghoon, walking over to the kitchen to where Niki had fallen. But Niki fought back—He kicked Jay back, trying to get up as he pulled the knife out of his chest, trying to use it to his advantage before he bleeds out. Jay charges at him, knocking the knife out of Niki’s hand but Niki pushes against him, throwing a punch, then two, but Jay hits back, hitting him right where he had stabbed him. Niki falls back, grunting loud as the pain grows. Jay then grabs a knife out of its holder on the counter and stabs Niki again, but this time in his stomach, pulling it upwards, cutting up Niki’s stomach, tearing the skin. Niki choked on the blood filling his throat, but he swallowed harshly. 

Niki sat alone in the mall’s food court. He was about seven then, watching the people come and go, sitting at the tables, eating their rice, their noodles, before going on to another store, carrying bags upon bags, or maybe nothing at all. He watched every person that caught his eye, observing them closely, noting every piece of their being just sitting there, alone and without anyone to accompany him.

His parents were drug dealers, moved to Korea when Niki was just a little younger than he was then. He didn’t know this until he was much older, but they moved there because they were getting ratted out for selling drugs, so they ran to Seoul, expecting it to be different from their home in Japan. But he was just a little kid, he never paid any attention to anything.

He had always been an eccentric kid, ever since he was just a little toddler. He was so full of energy, always in the mood to play. There was never a dull moment with him. He never gets to play with other kids, so he always plays with his sister instead, not that he didn’t enjoy it. But today was different, she was with the babysitter as Niki had accompanied his parents on a little trip to the mall which led him to where he is now—sitting alone in the food court, not knowing where his parents had disappeared to. He was right next to them, following them as they walked so quickly through the mall’s long, open corridor. There were so many people, such thin crowds however, that Niki almost didn’t realize that he had lost his parents. They weren’t in front of him any longer, and soon, he was lost. 

Like any other kid, he found the food court almost immediately. So, he took a seat at an empty table and waited, watching every person in his view, trying to find his parents. It was almost like a reflex, like this had happened before. Because it has. This was not at all the first time this had happened, and it definitely wasn’t the last. They knew where to find him afterwards, which made Niki wonder, once he got older, that this was their plan all along. To lose them along the way to their serving, their dealing, so they’d find him in the food court and make their way home just to do it again in the next week or so. 

“Riki, dear,” his mother called out from behind him, close by. “Let’s go,” her hand appeared on his shoulder, but it didn’t startle him. He looked up at her, and she was smiling.

“Can we get lunch?” Niki asked, “Please?”

His father appeared beside his mother, looking to his wife.

She sighed, “What would you like?” She kept her smile, “There’s plenty of—”

“I want ramyeon,” 

“Ramyeon?” She expected more, honestly. “Here, or the store down—”

“Can we stop by that store by the school?” Niki asked, lowering his head to the table again, “I like the ramyeon there,”

She nodded her head, “Of course. Come on,” and Niki obliged and rose from his seat.

That store was built a long time ago, just the year before that school was. After school every day, he’d have to walk home, but only after stopping at the store first. He would never have a single cent on him, but the owner always gave him the ramyeon for free. It was almost obvious from the way Niki was dressed that his family was not as “well-off” as everyone else’s was. It wasn’t his fault, so the owner never asked any questions about it. Instead, the only thing he ever asked was what type of ramyeon he would like that afternoon. The school was just down the block from the school, about a five minute walk. It was the school Niki went to for primary school, where he met the store owner’s son. His first ever friend.

He never told his parents about his friendship. He didn’t want them to try and leech off his friend’s parents. He’s never seen them or known of them to do that, but he didn’t want to take the risk either. He was such a smart little kid, it was no surprise when he passed so many exams with such flying colors that it earned him a scholarship to that private academy he goes to now. He’s earned every moment of recognition, of admiration, that he’s ever been given. He’s worked his way to the top, and now, there he goes to school with his best friends—plural. 

His name was Nishimura Riki, but he never went by “Riki.” His parents called him that, of course, because they named him that, but to anyone else he was “Niki.” On the first day of school after moving from Japan to Korea, Niki was sat beside this smaller boy with dark hair and curved, but wide eyes who turned to him, looked at the name he had written on the page, so quickly like it was any of his business, and asked, “Your name is Niki?”

But Niki did not correct him. He just smiled a little and nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “my name is Niki.”

And the boy smiled back at him, his eyes creasing into sideways-crescents, appearing suddenly kind, like his aura had completely changed.

“I’m Sunoo.”

“You killed them.”

Jay’s eyebrows lifted slightly, feeling the grip of Niki’s hands around his arms only tighten. Niki stared into Jay’s cold eyes, the brown in his eyes had changed to pure crimson, almost glowing in the shadows of his face. Niki felt his skin continue to tear, this was the end of the line. Soon, he’d meet Sunoo again. Death didn’t seem so bad anymore.

“You . . .” Niki hitched his breath, “You killed your own friends, with your own hands,” his hands started to lose grip, “with no remorse, none at all. You killed Sunoo, and Heeseung, and Sunghoon, and . . . You’re killing me, too. Then you’ll kill Jake and Jungwon, and then it’ll be over,” Niki’s voice was strained as he spoke with his very last breaths, “But you are not yourself, you are—” he chokes again, swallowing harshly, “You’re Mr Hwang.”

There, with a quick twist of his wrist, the knife deepens, and Niki’s heart stops and he croaks out his last breath. His eyes became lifeless as did the others’, and there, another one was gone. His body went limp, his hands still stiff but Jay jerked himself out of his grip. He stood up, covered in blood that had become a mixture of two of his friends’ blood, none belonging to him at all. He did not take the knife out of Niki, no, but he grabbed the last one out of the holder on the counter, the sharpest one it appeared, and he stepped over Niki’s body and headed down the hallway where he had left Sunoo’s body not even an hour before. Down the dark hallway, he stopped midway when he heard the scuffling behind a closed door—the bathroom door. He took silent steps to not be heard, but he knew even the one inside knew he was out there. But it was Mr Hwang who had taken over Jay’s entire being, controlling him, proving Sunghoon’s statement before. He was a nice guy unless you trespassed. He gets scary.

But it was suddenly an idiotic move to try and get the bathroom to open as no one was in it at all, but with a quick glance to his left, Jay saw a foot in the crack of a door, just behind it as if it was ready to run out the moment it needed to. Jay didn’t waste a second. He darted towards the door with his knife in his hand, stabbing who appeared to be Jake, standing behind the door, but behind him a few feet was Jungwon who lifted up a chair and threw it at Jay, knocking him back and blacking him out for a few moments. Jungwon quickly grabbed onto Jake and helped him up, running out of the room and up the stairs to the nearest room—the master bedroom, where Jay was first possessed, not that they knew any of that—yet.

In the master bedroom, Jungwon searched the dresser for any extra sheets or clothing that he could wrap around Jake to slow the bleeding. Unfortunately, nothing but old photos and letters were left in the drawers, along with some old dusty book under most of it. But he did catch a glimpse at the photo sitting on the dresser of Mr Hwang and his wife, though his thoughts were quickly interrupted by the other.

“Jungwon, the blood’s not stopping. I don’t think I’m going to make it,” Jake was panicking, his voice was shaking but Jungwon tried to stay calm for the both of them. Jungwon didn’t glance at him, he just kept looking through the dresser.

“You are not bleeding out, Jake—”

“Yes, yes I am,” Jake breathed heavily, holding his wound tightly with his jacket against it, trying to soak the blood into it, “He stabbed me, Jungwon. I’m going to die.” 

“You are not— Jake, listen to me,” Jungwon quickly went over to him, “You are not dying. We are getting out of here, I just need to find a way to get back down to the main floor. Okay?” And after a moment, Jake nodded his head so Jungwon headed back over to the other side of the corner inside the master bedroom, seeing the large board on the wall covered in pictures and strings attached to push-pins that connected a whole bunch of things. It was like a crime-wall. “What the . . .” Jungwon muttered under his breath, skimming over it all. 

A few were cut outs of newspaper headings, all revolving around people passing away and a rise of churches preaching about resurrection. There was a photo of a group of men in coats, and there were others of funerals, some of people he’s seen in the obituaries in the paper. There was even a photo of Sunghoon’s parents on there as well. Lastly, in the middle of the board, there was an obituary from seven years ago of a woman, the same woman that was in the picture on the dresser. Quickly to the dresser, in the top drawer, he dug until he found what was a thick, journal-like book underneath the piles of photos and letters. He flipped through the old, stained pages quickly before stopping when he saw the amulet sketched onto the page.

The Ochiul Amuletului Lucifer, or the Eye of Lucifer Amulet, was discovered hundreds of years ago, near the beginning of Romania. One priest, after committing an unknown sin, was struck by lightning twice before collapsing where later, he found the amulet in his hand when he woke up. He believed it was his sign from God to confess his sins and beg for forgiveness. However, from an act now to be marked as a only miracle, an ill child, dead for only a minute, was saved and brought back to life once the Priest had helped him. The Priest sought out how this could have happened, how he saved the child, to come to the conclusion that the amulet had helped him. That amulet was passed down to his son and then to his son, going on for generations, making it all the way to today where it sat in His hands, the ones belonging to someone I thought was my friend, but only to be a cult leader who swore he would resurrect Christ and become God himself. 

I should’ve known the moment he taught us how to make those “rituals.” But those “rituals��—that he claimed to be so enlightening—are nothing but unholy. It’s like the worst version of the crucifixion of Jesus. A pentagram underneath them, he says it works best when it’s drawn out with their own blood. He kept telling us to not read the manuscripts. But they hold the truth. How had I not seen this coming? It’s a sacrificial ritual to Hell. He was sending those innocent people to Hell just for the hell of it. I wish I could laugh at my own accidental pun but I’ve lost everything. Again. I’ve lost everything again. 

I stole that amulet from him. I thought if I took it, he could no longer hurt anyone, but only I’ve grown with the same power he had. It wasn’t bringing any of them back. It was draining our lives instead. It has dark magic inside of it, that was clear the moment I laid eyes on it. He always told me how it would make him a God. I have those same thoughts now, just like he did. I can feel it becoming me, and it’s locked away. I’m scared if I die near it, I’ll be trapped inside of it, lost for eternity. I only wanted her back. Was I selfish? Was this all just my fault? I’m to blame for this. I had that couple join us, too. Oh the children, what have I done? 

I should have never met him. I should have never joined him. 

I have to stop him. 

Jungwon’s eyes were so wide, he thought they would never close. Mr Hwang was the one who had possessed Jay and made him kill all his friends. The dark magic inside the amulet trapped his ghost inside and corrupted him into an evil version of himself. He set the book down on the top of the dresser and headed over to the board again, starting to take it all down carefully, grabbing it all and throwing it onto the ground near Jake’s feet. Jungwon turned back to the dresser and took out the photos and the letters, took it to the floor where the other stuff was and laid it all out, trying to connect the pieces and solve the puzzle. It took him a few minutes, but once he figured it out, he sat back and stared at all of it on the floor. 

“Mr Hwang lost his wife seven years ago so he joined a cult that believed that they could use resurrection and dark magic to bring their loved ones back, but it never worked. It only slowly started to kill them instead, and the rituals they did were sacrifices of innocent people so they could ‘get their loved ones back’ but then it only killed those people and sent them to Hell.” Jake twisted his face, confused at his words but he still followed, “Five years ago, Sunghoon and his family moved down the street of Mr Hwang, and his parents met him and grew close with him, where they were convinced to join the cult as well and because of some dark magic or something, but—” Jungwon raised his head a bit, “It made them fall in love with each other.”

Jake’s eyes widened, “Sunghoon wasn’t lying . . .” He never once did.

Jungwon shook his head, “They couldn’t get the dark magic to resurrect any of their lost loved ones, so Mr Hwang started to convince himself that the cult was draining their own lives to be able to resurrect the lives they lost. The board, all of it—he made it so he could end the cult for good, so he’d have a plan. But then, he was killed for what he was trying to do, and for what he had taken,”

The other grunted, “What do you mean? What did he . . what did he take?”

Jungwon grabbed one of the photos and lifted it for Jake to see, “He took this amulet, where the dark magic was trapped inside of.”

Jake gasps, though it hurts his chest, “Oh god,” he goes, “Oh god, oh god,” he repeats, clutching his chest like a heart attack.

“What? Jake?” Jungwon quickly asks, scooting over to Jake to make sure he was okay, “Jake, what is it?”

Jake is shuddering, shaking like he was freezing, his eyes dancing as his hand twitches with soreness. “That amulet you just showed me, you said it has that dark magic in it,” and as Jungwon nods, he starts to realize what Jake was about to say next, “Jay was wearing it.”

 Jungwon felt his heart sink to his stomach. “What do we do?” He shivered, “Fuck—What do we do, Jake?” It had just hit him then, that his best friend, his longest and dearest friend, had been possessed by a ghost with a vengeance. He killed four of their friends, stabbed another, and now it’s only he and Jake that’s left. But even Jake may not make it. He was dying, even if he kept telling Jungwon he would be just fine. His time was running out. “There’s a balcony we can escape on down the hall.” He looked over at Jake, “Should we go?”

“Yeah,” Jake coughed as he nodded, starting to sit up from the wall, “We should head up now, before he finds us.” 

Jungwon grabbed onto Jake carefully, helping him stand up. Jungwon had his arm wrapped around Jake as his arm was wrapped around Jungwon’s shoulders, walking towards the door which that slowly, and as quietly as humanly possible, opened and started to head down the hallway. Two doors down was the music room, a single black piano sat against the wall ahead of them as they walked through the door, a chair in the corner to their left, but there was nothing else in there. It was so empty, so spacious. A chill fell down Jungwon’s spine.

Jungwon helped Jake get settled against the wall adjacent to the front-wall where the door was. Jungwon walked over to the balcony, though the only way to it was through a large window. “Okay, we just need to get onto the balcony and we’ll either climb down or maybe jump down? I don’t— We’ll figure it out,”

“No, you go and get help,” Jake scooted up the wall a bit, gasping as he did so, “You’ll get out of here. You’ll live,” a sudden change in tone, completely going against all he had been saying this entire time, earning a wide-eyed look from the other. “Go,” 

“What?” Jungwon went over to him, “No, I’m not— I’m not leaving you, Jake.”

Jake lifted the blood-soaked jacket from the wound, revealing the deep cut that the knife had left in his abdomen. It was still bleeding out, not slowing at all. “I’m dying, Jungwon. I’m only going to slow you down.”

Jungwon shook his head, “No, no, I’m not leaving you. Stop being stupid,”

“I’m not being stupid. I’m being realistic. I won’t be able to climb down or jump down—I won’t even make it through the next few minutes,” He coughs dryly, scared he’ll cough up more blood as there was already some that had stained his lips a bit. “I’m not going to make it, Won.”

“Dad? — No, I’m here.”

Jake held the phone up to his ear, sitting beside his mother and brother in the airport’s departure-waiting room. It was the night before Jake’s 9th birthday, his mother had booked a last minute flight for her and her two sons to go back to Korea. Jake was first born there in Seoul, though he and his older brother moved to Brisbane shortly after to live with his father, even though Jake was just a few months old. This was because his parents split up, though they were never married, and the court had (wrongfully) given his father full-custody. They called every week, at least three times, to keep in contact. There were plenty of times where Jake and his older brother both wished they lived with their mother instead. Their father wasn’t a bad guy, but he wasn’t a good dad either. He was always working and when he got home, he would just drink and fall asleep in front of the couch. Jake’s older brother basically raised him up until that week before Jake’s 9th birthday.

Just this past week, however, their mother had come to visit. It had been a long time, but she had been saving up her vacation days and all her money to stay for a whole week with her boys. She was definitely surprised to see how their very wealthy father was living. Jake and his brother went to elite schools, while living in a house that was the equivalent of a crack-house. She was appalled, dumbfounded if you will, but she decided right then and there that she was going to take her boys to a better home, even if that meant leaving their father behind.

Jake had no idea what was going on. All he knew was that he was boarding a plane with his mom and brother without his father. All he knew was what his mother had said as she told them to pack their things and get ready to go. “I should’ve never let them give him custody,” was what she had muttered under her breath as she packed her sons’ clothes into bags. Jake was the only one who heard her, but it wasn’t long until he would ask his older brother about it, who just told him to keep quiet. 

“Hey, where did you guys go?” He still sounded drunk, slurring his words with a still half-asleep voice. “I was gonna, I was gonna cook some dinner.” 

Jake gulped. “Oh, uh, we went out to the store,” he tried to keep himself from crying, but he was so small, he couldn’t control. “We’ll be back later.”

His mother slightly frowned, and his brother had already turned away. She rubbed her youngest son’s back slowly, trying to comfort him as he spoke to his father.

“Oh could you pick up some—what is it called—that cheese your brother likes so much?”

“Parmesan?”

“Yes, yes! That’s it!” He hears his father laugh on the other side of the phone. “Could you get me some of that for me, yeah?” 

Jake looked over at his mom, and tried not to start crying but his voice started to break and crack as he replied. “Yeah. I can,” he nodded his head, “We’ll be home soon, Dad.”

“Good. I’ll be waiting. I love you, son.”

Jake stared down at his lap. “I love you, too, Dad.” And the call ended. He handed the phone back to his mother, and soon, it was time to board their plane. Jake felt awful that he lied to his father. They weren’t coming back, and Jake knew that. He loved his dad, he really did, but maybe this was a good thing. Maybe it was a bad thing. He wasn’t sure about any of it. But he did know one thing, that his 9th birthday was his best birthday yet. He had loads of cake and he had so many presents, and at the park that night, that’s when he met Jay and Jungwon. 

It never once dawned on him that that phone call he had with his father before they got onto the plane, was his last phone call with his dad—ever. Now, he hadn’t spoken to his father in almost a decade. According to social media, his dad eventually remarried and changed his entire lifestyle. He was now 8 years sober, married with a couple step-kids and kids of his own blood, living in a fancy house with his young(er) wife, completely forgetting about his first two children. He tried to not let it bother him when he found out, but his father had forgotten about him. He thought it was his fault, because he had lied to him before, but he figured he was probably too drunk to even realize that his two sons never came back. He didn’t know. But whenever anyone asks where his dad was, he would always say “on another business trip” because he thought if he told anyone the truth, he’d be seen differently because then, he’d be labeled with “daddy issues” and he didn’t want to be just a guy with daddy issues. He wanted to be his own person, even if his own best friend understood what he was going through, the one that always hid everything from everyone, the one who’s dad was there but not really there at all at the same time. But life goes on, people make mistakes, and people change. Life goes on, even if it’s without you.

“No, I’m not leaving you,” Jungwon stated with a stern tone, “You are going to live, I can’t—” Tears started to form, rolling down his face quickly, “I can’t leave you, Jake. I can’t lose you, too.”

Jake started to cry, but he didn’t seem to realize it. His skin was so pale, and his hands started to tremble. “I never told Lydia to not come. I invited her, remember? And she might be here soon. So get out of here and leave with her, just run and get help, or don’t. Just run,” he rambled on, but he hitched his breath as he paused, “I know she’ll think I was brave, that I should’ve lived but I’ve always been a coward. I never told her how I felt, how I’ve a-always felt about her,” he then grabbed his hand and held it tightly with both of his, “I won’t ask you to tell her that, I don’t want to add to her pain, but please,” he shuddered, “watch over her, will you? She’s really smart, but she’s not so good with people. I just want her to be safe, you know?” His eyebrows creased, knitting together as its ends pointed upwards. Jungwon couldn’t disagree with him. He didn’t have the will to. This was what Jake wanted, what he needed to move on and leave this painful life behind. He knew that Jake wouldn’t make it to the end, but he thought if they just hurried, Jake would live. But that was never going to happen. 

Jungwon nodded his head, “I’ll take care of her,” he started to sob, “Now, you go now, okay? I’ll be okay. You don’t have to hurt anymore,” he brushed his hair out of his face, “It’s okay, Jake. You can go.” His voice trembled as he spoke.

Jake tried to smile, “Take care of yourself, Won.”

Jungwon sniffled, feeling as Jake’s hands let go of his. He leaned down and started to cry again, his hands stained with his dead best friend’s blood. He couldn’t believe it at all. All of his friends were dead, and Jay wasn’t anything like himself. He had killed everyone, and now he was alone and he had to leave so he could protect himself and Lydia and everyone else. But he couldn’t move. He was frozen, stuck there as he sobbed over Jake’s dead body, numb of all things flowing through his heart and mind. Everyone was dead.

“So you’re the only one left, huh?”

Jungwon shook his head, “You killed everyone.” He lifted his head, seeing Jay stand there in the doorway. “You don’t even care. You murdered them in cold blood, your brothers, your best friends and you don’t feel any remorse. You don’t feel anything at all.”

Jay scoffed, “They’re not my friends. And I’m not Jay, but you already knew that, right?” He started to walk over, “There’s something that’s stopping me from slitting your throat right now, so I’ll give you a chance here,” he threw the knife away, it slid against the floor and hit the baseboard right under the window to the balcony. “I will let you fight me. I won’t use anything but my own bare hands, to make it fair. We’ll fight to the death, and whoever wins, will walk out of this house alive, whether it be you or me. But I’ll give you an advantage, too. If you manage,” he continues to explain, using his hands to express it, just like Jay used to do, “to grab the knife while we fight, then you can use it to try and kill me with it. But if I grab it, I can try to kill you with it, too. Ready?”

Jungwon stared at him, no emotion behind his eyes as he stood up, his hands still red and stained. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He raised his fists, and Jay charged at him, but Jungwon blocked the first punch, though he just slightly missed the second punch so he stumbled back a bit before dodging and swinging, punching Jay in his jaw. His face and arms were bruised a little, probably from earlier with the chair that he had thrown at him, but he couldn’t help but hope that it really did hurt him. No one would ever judge him for thinking that way, but Jay was his best friend. This was all just too much, but inside he knew, Jay was still in there, somewhere.

“You’re pathetic, y’know that?” Jay chuckled darkly, pushing against Jungwon, “You are just as weak as he is,” Mr Hwang? Oh, he didn’t know who was speaking anymore. “You are just as stupid as him, too.”

“Look at yourself, Mr Hwang,” Jungwon quickly retaliated, “You joined a cult, trying to bring back your wife, but that cult was never going to help you do that at all. And when you finally realized it, you stole the amulet so you could try to resurrect her yourself. You tried to stop a cult that you knew could kill you in an instant, and for all you’ve done, you will never be granted the chance to reunite with your wife now, right? For all the sins you’ve committed just tonight alone,” Jungwon tightened his grip, “That amulet did not make you a God, nor did it ever make you a better person, but instead, it made you just as weak as you claim that I am.”

He backed up and kicked Jay back, fixing his stance before he swung again but Jay caught his arm and twisted it, causing Jungwon to yell out. But Jungwon grabbed onto his other arm and pinched it, raising his boot to kick Jay in the knee. Out of his grasp, Jungwon ran for the knife, but he tripped when he felt a hand grab onto his ankle, pulling him back. But Jungwon fought back, kicked him as he continued to reach for the knife. But Jay climbed over him and grabbed it first, about to stab the other before Jungwon grabbed onto Jay’s wrist with both hands, pushing him back as Jay sat on Jungwon’s stomach, pushing the knife down against Jungwon’s grip. The knife made it to the edge of his skin, drawing blood and cutting into him just ever so slightly before Jungwon did the last thing he could do, his last chance at living, at surviving all of this—his last chance at saving Jay. 

“It’s over,” Jay—or Mr Hwang—said roughly, “You’ve lost.”

Jungwon did not believe that at all. Because he hadn’t lost, at least not yet. He had a plan that could either kill him or save him, so he took a deep breath and spoke with his heart.

“Could you live without me?”

Jay suddenly stopped, his hands shaking as he stayed in place, furrowing his eyebrows. “What?” The knife lifted a little, just over the small cut.

Jungwon took in a deep breath, “I told you I wouldn’t want to live without you, but could you? Could you live without me? Would you—” Jungwon sniffled, tears starting to form again in the corners of his eyes. “Would you want to?”

The older did not mutter a word, but the crimson in his eyes had started to fade. Jungwon was winning, he knew that then. Jay was phasing out of the possession, he was getting his control back. One final thing could either save them both or lead to his death. Jungwon knew what to do. So his grip tightened, the knife just barely hovering over his chest as he spoke.

“It’s not your fault, Jay.”

Jungwon’s only ever seen Jay cry once. It was a long time ago, when they were about eight and nine. Jungwon had stayed the night, like he did every weekend, and Jay was showing him this new game his parents had bought him at the store the day before. The two boys sat on the floor of Jay’s bedroom, playing with Jay’s new game on his Playstation 2. It was pretty old, but it still worked. It was his father’s, and though they had enough money for just about a thousand Playstation 3’s, Jay never asked for a new one. He didn’t really want one. 

That night, sometime around 9, Jungwon had fallen asleep in his sleeping bag on the floor. Jay fell asleep shortly after, in his bed right beside him. It wasn’t until about 2 in the morning when Jungwon woke up to a distant slam of a door. His eyes shot open, like a trigger, then he sat up, confused and half-awake. He rubbed his eyes, but could only see the orange outline around the closed door, the hallway light was on. He reached above and switched the lamp on, before stretching and groaning. He stood up to go to the bathroom, but just as he turned to check on Jay, he saw that his bed was empty. The blanket was thrown around and the bed was still dented in from where Jay had been sleeping. His confusion started to grow, but so did his fear. Hesitantly, Jungwon headed for the door and opened it slowly, trying to make sure it didn’t creak or make any loud noise. He stepped into the hallway, his socks protecting him from the cold hard-wood floor beneath him, yet he still shuddered. The house was so cold, but it was the beginning of February. 

Jungwon walked down the steps, which felt so much longer now. Muffled voices from the kitchen behind a closed door, but his heart was beating louder in his chest, he swore it. When he approached the door, he stood there, not knowing if he should step in or not. This wasn’t his house, it wasn’t his right to intrude. That was, well, until he heard a familiar voice—Jay.

He opened the door a bit, seeing his friend just in front of the same door, staring at his parents who stood behind the kitchen island. His head poked into the room, slowly squeezing into the room, standing behind Jay—who hadn’t even noticed him yet. 

“You don’t get to berate me in front of our child in the middle of the night and think everything’s going to be just fine, Robert.” Mrs. Park remarked at her husband, pointing her index finger into his chest. Her eyebrows were in a thin line, Jungwon had never seen her this serious before. Mr. Park was always the serious one, the one that always ruined the fun or told Jay not to act a certain way, while Mrs. Park loved everything about her son and cared for his happiness and safety, not like Mr. Park ever did. Mrs. Park was a stay-at-home mom, although she only had one child (though she always treated Jungwon like a second son), while Mr. Park was always at work. He was rarely ever home, and when he was, he spent it in his office, working. He had never been there for his son, nor his wife. Jay had a father, never a dad. 

Mr. Park scoffed at her words, “Berate you? I have never—in my life—berated you. You are the one shouting at me all because I came home late,” but he stunk of booze, sweat beamed off his forehead and dripped down his face, and there was a good chance it was just alcohol. 

“You smell like you’ve lived in a bar for weeks, which you basically have because you spend every night there now,” said Mrs. Park, “You are never home. I have raised Jay all by myself, yet you don’t give a damn at all about your own son.”

“Do not turn this on me, Mary.” His voice was stern, controlling, it sent shivers down Jungwon’s spine, but Jay didn’t even flinch. “You drink your wine like it’s water, but the moment I drink a little, you go batshit crazy—”

“A little? You have gone to that bar every night for the last months, Robert. And you think I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but I’ve known for a long time,” she stepped towards him, “How dare you ever speak to me that way when you have been sleeping with your assistant for months—”

Slap.

The room went quiet. Mr. Park took a step back, realizing what he had done but she had already turned away and saw Jungwon standing there, too. She didn’t walk away, but she stopped there at the end of the island, closer to them now. She shook her head, her cheek turning red, but her tears fell down her face, staining them. “Pack your shit. You’re leaving.”

Soon, Jungwon and Jay were back upstairs, but this time, they were in his parents’ room. But he only called it his mom’s room when Jungwon asked where they were going. Most of Mr. Park’s stuff wasn’t even in the bedroom, and the stuff that was, Mrs. Park had come in and got it. She took it all downstairs before returning to the bedroom to tuck the boys in. 

“Where will you sleep, Mommy?” Jay’s little voice was so high, but he wasn’t a baby anymore. He only called her mommy when he was scared. She gave him a soft but saddened smile and leaned over to kiss his forehead. 

“Don’t you worry about that. I’ll just be downstairs,” and she leaned over and kissed Jungwon’s forehead again, “Get him to sleep, will you? He only ever listens to you,” she tells the other boy. Jungwon giggles and nods his head, though Jay tossed and turned, grumbling. She tucks them in and smiles, “Goodnight, boys. I’ll make a big breakfast in the morning,” and she rose from the bed and left the bedroom. Her cheek was still red, but she seemed so calm.

Jay didn’t say anything for a while. Jungwon thought he was asleep for a bit until Jay suddenly turned over on his side and faced him, startling him. “Are you okay?”

Jungwon stared at him. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“N-No,” 

“Jay, you heard what they were saying. You were there. I was, too.”

“So what? They’re just divorcing,” Jay replied nonchalantly, even for a kid, it sounded so weird coming from him, “It’s not like he’s around anyways.” There was this small break in his voice when he said that, revealing to Jungwon that he was sad, but he just wouldn’t let himself feel that way.

“Stop doing that,” 

“Stop doing what?”

Jungwon didn’t look at him. He turned onto his back, his hands on his stomach, staring up at the ceiling fan. “Stop pushing your feelings down, like you don’t deserve to feel things. Stop doing that.”

But Jay looked at him. “Okay.”

He laid on his back as well. His elbow gently grazed Jungwon’s, but it was only Jungwon who noticed, yet he didn’t give the other boy a glance. He knew if he did, Jay would leave. But he turned his head when he heard a light sniffle coming from the older, seeing that he was crying. Jay was crying, the tears dripping off his cheek, wetting the white pillow cases. He had never seen Jay cry before. Never. Crying was never something Jay ever did, not even when they were way little. His mother always told him that Jay rarely cried as a baby, not a surprise he would always repress his emotions, but Jungwon always cried. Jungwon was a crybaby, he’d admit to that, not that that ever pushed Jay away, but anyone could tell you that Jay Park never cried. 

Jungwon didn’t say anything, it’d only make things worse. But with one single, slow motion, Jungwon turned over and faced Jay and when he noticed this, he almost immediately moved over and hugged Jungwon. Uncontrollably sobbing into his best friend’s shoulder, covering his t-shirt with tears and possibly snot, but Jungwon didn’t mind. 

He didn’t mind at all.

Jay took the knife and pulled it away from Jungwon. He reached under his shirt and yanked the amulet off of him, breaking the chain and tossing it away. Jungwon was frozen, but Jay stood up off of him. Jungwon sat up, watching Jay stumble back, almost tripping over himself as he stared forward, blankly. The knife was in his hand, and he looked up at Jungwon, his eyes wide and his skin as pale as a ghost. 

“He wanted me to kill everyone for trespassing,” Jay started to say, “but he wanted you to escape, so you could live with the pain for the rest of your life like he had done until the cult killed him for trying to stop them. He was just as bad as them, but I didn’t want— I didn’t want to kill them, I didn’t want to do this, any of it, I— I killed our best friends, Jungwon. I killed everyone, I can’t— What the fuck did I do?” He raised the knife, “What have I done?”

“Jay, Jay,” Jungwon stood up, “Listen to me, okay?” He started to say, but he kept his distance still, “You didn’t do this. It was Mr Hwang, okay? I don’t understand it, but you’re okay. Please put the knife down, please, you didn’t do a thing—”

“I killed them, Jungwon!” He shouts, cutting Jungwon off, “I killed all of them. I hung Sunoo up on a wall, I cut open Heeseung’s stomach, I stabbed Sunghoon, Niki, and Jake— And then I almost killed you! I’m a murderer, Won! I killed five fucking people tonight, all of which were our best friends, and now we’re the only people left. This isn’t right, I’m not okay, I’m not right in the head.”

“Jay, please, it wasn’t you, it was Mr Hwang! You didn’t kill them, he did!”

“But this is all my fault, it still is!” Jay exclaimed, throwing his hands around, “I let them push you to have this stupid party in the first place. If we never had this party, we’d all still be alive, I wouldn’t have gotten possessed and killed all of our friends, you won’t have lost all of us in just one night.”

Jungwon stepped back, “All of us . . . ?”

Jay took the knife and pointed it to his chest, “I’m sorry, Won. I hope you find peace one day,” and with a quick motion, he stabbed himself with the knife. 

Jungwon screams, running towards him as Jay falls to the ground. “No, no, no, no, no Jay please, you can’t do this, no,” Jungwon lifted him off the floor and into his lap, “Please, Jay, you can’t die on me. I can’t lose you, too.” Jungwon cried out hoarsely, “I can’t lose you. Not you, please.”

Jay choked on the blood filling his throat and his lungs, “It’s not your fault either,” he whispered, “It was never your fault, and it never will be. I’ll be okay. You go, and take care of yourself. I’ll be with the others. I’ll be okay, Won.”

Jungwon shook his head, “No, Jay, please,” he cried softly to the other, holding him as he brushed his hair out of his face, crying like a baby. “I can’t lose you, too, Jay. Please. I’ve lost everyone tonight. I can’t lose you. I can’t live without you.”

There, he said it. He had been dancing around it for years. He told him before that he wouldn’t want to live without the other, but in truth, it was that he couldn’t. But that wasn’t a surprise to Jay at all. Because he had always felt that way about Jungwon.

Jay started to smile, blood still pouring out of the cut, dripping from his mouth. “You have always been my person, Yang Jungwon. You have never shown me nothing but kindness. You have loved me and cared for me more than you have ever given any to yourself. You are nothing less of my own role model, my muse, my reason to be better. You are the wind that blows at sunrise, the winds that lead me home. You,” he lifted his hand to Jungwon’s face, his thumb brushing against his cheek, wiping a single tear away amongst the tons falling down his face, “You are everything, even if I am nothing.” 

Jungwon sniffled, leaning into Jay’s hand as he raised his own and pressed it against his. “I’ll meet you again, Jay. I’ll be there soon.”

His smile started to fade, his eyebrows relaxing as he spoke with his last breath. “I will meet you in every life if I have to,” and there, his body had gone limp, and his heart had stopped beating. Jungwon felt the other’s hand relax against his hand, his face, and more tears started to stream down his face like waterfalls. He cried out, throwing his head back, still holding Jay’s lifeless body in his arms ever so tightly. He didn’t want to let go. Ever.

It was the day after that one night he spent with Jay, the night his parents split up in the middle of the night, the first time Jungwon had ever seen Jay cry. Though, Jungwon didn’t want to go home just yet. He worried about Jay so much. Jay’s father hadn’t even come back by the time Jungwon left the next night, which only grew his worries. But Mrs Park drove him home with Jay sitting beside him in the back seat, talking with him all about the new video games that are coming out soon. He wanted to stay another night, but he promised he would be home that night because his mom wanted to take him shopping in the morning. It was a special occasion. 

It wasn’t long until they arrived at Jungwon’s house, but Mrs Park had said something aloud that caught the boys’ attention, she had cursed in front of them, whispering a “What the fuck?” to herself, not realizing the boys had heard her at all as her eyes were almost glued to Jungwon’s house and the wide open front door. 

“Did your father get home late again?” She turned back to look at Jungwon once she had parked in front of the house. “The door’s wide open,”

Jungwon shrugged. “Maybe he just got home and left the door open.” He stepped out of the car and grabbed his backpack, bowing to Mrs Park and waving at Jay before he headed inside the house. It was really quiet, not even the TV was on. “Mom? Dad?” It was silent, not even an echo or maybe even a thump or a stomp—it was just pure silence. His little eyebrows furrowed as he walked through the living room, the kitchen, then down the hall. The bathroom light was on, piercing through the cracks and shining just a little into the hallway. There, at the end of the hall, was his parents’ bedroom. The door was shut, but it wasn’t locked. He hesitated but he grabbed onto the doorknob and twisted, pushing the door open. 

His mother lays on the floor, what he thought was puke stuck to her lips and cheek, dripping off her face and onto the floor beside her. Her eyes were wide, but she was still, like a statue. Her chest did not raise with a single breath. On the bed, his father had laid back on it, his legs off the bed. He ran to him, shaking him, “Dad! Dad!” He called out to him, but when he looked closer, he saw the blood, and how it stained the quilt his grandmother had gifted them for Christmas last year. His eyes were wide, too, and he, too, did not move at all. But his were still shiny, like it wasn’t that long ago when he had done this. There was still life in his eyes, fading quickly, but if he had just gotten there a few minutes before, then maybe he would still have a mother and father. Did I do this? Of course not, but he was so young, and he had just walked into the deaths of both parents, one overdosed and the other shot himself. But he didn’t know that. He was so young, so innocent. All he knew was that they were gone. 

He started to cry, then he started to scream, which was when Mrs Park ran into the house, leaving Jay behind in the car. She grabbed Jungwon and picked him up, taking him out of the house as he screeched for his parents. She held him close, trying to keep him from going back inside as she lowered to the ground. “Jungwon, Jungwon—” But he didn’t listen to her. He just kept screaming and crying out for them. 

The police arrived not even five minutes later. They questioned Mrs Park for a while, but there wasn’t much to even ask. It was pretty clear what had happened. His father had planned it all. He drugged his wife and let her overdose and once she had passed, he shot himself. It was a murder-suicide. Jungwon never knew why his father would do such a thing, nor did he ever ask Mrs Park if she knew anything. After all, Mr Park and Jungwon’s dad were best friends. 

When they carried their bodies out in body bags, Jay told Jungwon to look at him instead. He thought it was the least he could do, to help Jungwon through this. This night was going to bond them together forever, even if it was a traumatic one. Jay’s parents were divorcing, and Jungwon’s parents were dead. But Jay felt that it was his duty to protect Jungwon from now on, to take care of him and keep him safe. Jungwon was his best friend, his person, and as he lost everything that night, the least he could do was protect him, even if it’s for the rest of their lives, for the rest of eternity. Jungwon meant everything to Jay, even if he never knew how to show it.

“Don’t look,” he whispered to Jungwon, “Just look at me,” he tried to give him a sympathetic smile, but Jungwon just looked down at the grass they sat on. “I’m sorry. Are you okay? Are you feeling any better?” Jungwon just shook his head. “Ma’ said your grandma’s on the way here. Are you going with her?”

Jungwon nodded, “Probably,” he looked up a little, “Do you want me to stay with you?”

Jay held Jungwon’s hand tighter, “That’s up to you,” he said, “you can if you want to. You know my ma’ loves you more than she loves me,” 

“That’s not true,” Jungwon playfully pushes Jay.

“Yes it is,” Jay replied, “She always asks when you’re coming over. You’re like another son to her,” and he lowered his head. Jungwon frowned, remembering it, too. A couple years before, Mrs Park had gotten pregnant again but she lost it during her second trimester. It really hurt her, and Jay always wanted a sibling. It just wasn’t in their favor.

“I’ll stay with my grandma tonight,” Jungwon said, “but I’ll stay with you tomorrow night. Is that okay?” He fiddled with his hands a little, starting to feel uneasy again.

Jay nodded, “I’ll ask Ma’ if we can stay up tomorrow. It’s a special day,” he smiled so brightly at Jungwon, everything disappeared around them. The cops, the talks about his dead parents, all of it faded out when Jay smiled at him then. Jay looked at his little TMNT watch and smiled even more, “Actually, it’s past midnight.”

Jungwon tried to smile, but his lips wouldn’t curve, they just tilted downwards and he felt the sting in his nose like he was about to cry. He had lost his parents that night, drowning with guilt of something he didn’t do. He knew what day it was now, and he’d never forget it. 

He had turned nine.

There was a moment then, Jungwon saw the same look in Jay’s eyes as he did in his father’s years ago. He felt the same stillness in his body as he did that night, too. This was too real, a flashback gone wrong. He wished this wasn’t real at all, he wished this was just an awful nightmare that should’ve been over a long time ago. All of his friends were dead, their bodies spread throughout the property. Sunoo, Heeseung, Sunghoon, Niki, Jake, Jay. He was the only one left. What was he supposed to do now? If he left that night, he would either be framed for their deaths, or be called a victim and sent to the nearest insane asylum—which was just as bad as being framed because either way, he’d be a prisoner. He didn’t want to live like that. He didn’t want to live with the constant reminder that his best friends were dead. He was alone again, left behind, holding the lifeless body of his oldest friend. Sunoo always inspired Jungwon, Heeseung would encourage him to be the best version of himself, Sunghoon would help him with self-doubt and self-esteem, Niki would listen to him vent and be someone who can actually relate to some parts of his life the others could never understand, Jake always made him feel included and never forgotten about, and Jay was his person. And he lost them. He lost every single one of them that night in the span of an hour and a half. He had to make a choice. He could either leave or stay. Live or die. 

He leaned his head back again, looking up at the ceiling, cursing at the universe for all he had lost that day when a single drop of blood fell onto his cheek when his head was still back. He slowly leaned forward, laying Jay down onto the floor carefully so he could stand up and look at where the drop of blood had fallen from. Then, from the ceilings and the edges between the ceilings and the walls, blood started to pour into the room like a normal day in Seattle. It was raining blood, covering Jungwon in it. It stained the walls, the floors, the chair, the piano, it covered Jake and Jay’s bodies, too. He did not know whose blood it was, and a part of him didn’t want to find out. He didn’t care for any of it anymore. He had lost everything. 

He had made his choice.

A white dress with long, see-through sleeves and a gentle bow tied on the chest—that was the dress Lydia decided to wear to the party that night. She had gotten home from work about 9, finished getting ready by 9:45 and then drove to the address Jake had given her. She had a necklace hanging around her neck, white chain with a pearl at its end, white converse on her feet because she never liked the way heels felt around her feet. Her hair was down, some tied back with a clip. She was excited for the party, excited to see the boy she had been crushing on for years, hoping things will finally work out in her favor, hoping he felt the same as she did.

When she finally pulled up to the address, she parked beside Jake’s. She could recognize it before she could recognize anyone else’s. She almost didn’t realize that the only cars there were Jake and his friends’ cars. Was the party over? Or had it not even started yet? But past the brick wall, along the tall bushes as she walked on the concrete pavement just outside the gate. But the gate was already open, she expected an estate like this would have a password you would have to say into an intercom for the gate to open. She was nerdy like that, the perfect girl for a guy like Jake. The perfect girl for Jake.

But the concrete led to an empty yard, but no house. There was no house at all. It was just a huge yard covered in roses and lilies and the other flowers she couldn’t remember the names of. She first wondered if this was all a prank, that he didn’t like her at all. But then, when she stepped closer, she saw something glisten from the moonlight above her. She knelt down and picked the item up, seeing it was only a necklace. An amulet, a ruby embroidered with silver. 

The foundation was the first to collapse, cracking the blood stained walls and shattering all the windows. The roof came next, falling through each floor until the ground floor, shaking up the house so badly that the walls started to weaken and fall with it. Soon, the house collapsed in on itself, burying itself into the ground underneath it. The garden began to spread, roses and lilies appearing over the grounds that once kept a house there. The house was gone, wiped from existence, buried with its memories, its sins, and the bodies inside of it. Jungwon did not leave that night. He may never leave, his fate becoming the same as his friends’ who he all lost. He stood there in that red stained room, covered in blood that wasn’t his, knowing he was going to die. He didn’t mind, however. It was fate. He was going to die. He’s known that from the beginning. But even that did not scare him. Because at the end of it all, Jungwon was okay with dying. He was okay with never waking up from this nightmare, leaving behind everything he once loved, losing the people he cared for most, his future, his academics, his family. It was okay. He was okay. Even as the blood continued to drip down his face, crushed under all the debris, his last breaths were short but his words were shorter. “I think it’s strange you never knew,” it was a lyric from that song Jay loved so dearly. Even as he was dying, he thought of Jay, even as he’s suffocating, as his heart is slowing, as his lungs are filling with blood, Jungwon didn’t care. He knew it was okay. There, he took his last breath before becoming only a memory. There, Yang Jungwon died amongst his best friends, forgiven for his mistakes, remembered for his life, and alive in his memories. There, he will live forever with the people who loved him for him, who became his family, the only people he ever needed. There, he died smiling in his last breath.

fin.

✧✧✧

well, if you made it this far, thank you for reading all of this! i hope you all enjoyed this <3

[whalleyrulz]

halloween 2024

13) HUMANE

whew i'm sorry i hate being negative about art but damn

so you know when hot people think they're funny, because people who want to fuck them have enabled them for ages? so their "jokes" are really just "hey isn't it funny that i'm saying this" or worse, are some shit where all of the setup and half the punchline is in their head, and they don't telegraph anything, and you're left like "is that it?" and they and their sycophants get upset because you just Don't Get It?

i could say humane is in the same family as Ready Or Not. i really want to. the movie really wants me to. jay baruschel really wants me to. god, he so badly wanted to be in the version of this movie that can be in conversation with Knives Out. enrico colantoni was screaming to be in that movie

but nepotism doesn't lead to learning how to make a good movie. nepotism leads to, in the case of caitlin's older brother, a mean-spirited bad chauvinistic mess propped up by mia goth. or, in the case of this movie, fucking boring-ass nothing, but at least there was more than one performance to write home about

humane is a movie set in a climate collapse future where all the world governments have pledged to reduce their population through government-run death camps. but don't worry, it somehow manages to avoid being political, despite one character being a former political correspondent and another a current political talking head. we follow a rich family as the parents enlist to be killed, but the matriarch can't go through with it--but get this, the death van people need two bodies, because that's just how things go

it's honestly not a bad setup (even if it took way too long to get to the point) and that's what made me so mad. the arrival of the death van was full of governmental farce and a super strong performance in the lead and then, gasp, get this: the rich people turn on each other gosh how shocking. they're cutthroat and self centered but, shock, the disabled drug addict outsider kid has a heart of gold. whoda thunk. if you watch this, you'll spend most of the movie waiting for an interesting twist. it doesn't happen. it's just boring

someone needs to tell the rich they're not inherently interesting

and someone needs to tell the cronenberg kids to stop making movies that seem like a goddamn parody of their dad's friends. write what you know doesn't mean your life is inherently interesting, it means don't just half ass your decisions. it means put yourself into the real shoes of your characters. make your fiction believable and honest. because this shit sucks, y'all

i'm just so mad that both of one of my favorite director's kids have been able to make shitty fuckin movies and yet really good interesting exciting artists have their screenplays die on the vine. there's not infinite money and time for movies. stop letting the wealthy make expensive art

and goddamn stop surrounding yourself with sycophants if you're trying to be funny jesus christ if you're not being interesting then black comedy is boring and mean and so goddamn tired

1. late night with the devil | 2. history of the occult | 3. destroy all neighbors | 4. lisa frankenstein | 5. monolith | 6. escape the undertaker | 7. hellraiser | 8. v/h/s beyond | 9. in a violent nature | 10. x | 11. pearl | 12. longlegs

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I see u sometimes reblog stranger things stuff, was wondering if you can share some opinions on it? Any strong opinions on the mileven vs byler war

Lol I knew somehow when I put on my Stranger Things sweatshirt today that I would get this ask lol. Super fun question, thanks for asking! I love talking about any of my other fandoms. I've been pretty involved in the Stranger Things fandom from the jump, I liveblog every new season which you guys do not have to worry about for a while but you can totally backread my ST tags (melissa liveblogs st and melissa on stranger things) for my content or feel free to blacklist if you don't want to see it. I was also active in a few discords for Stranger Things and It, so if you were in any of those you might've seen me around. Met some great people, a few of which are still active on here @sorenserotonin and @milfnightshade loyal mutuals 🫡 who I always appreciate. I'll tag them in case they feel like returning to discussing Stranger Things with me like old times lol.

As for byler and mileven, I don't have super strong opinions. The two mutuals I tagged are both byler shippers (actually I forget if Deidre is, I'm pretty sure). EDIT: DEIDRE IS NOT! I personally have always been into mileven, they were the heart of the first season to me in a way that's really unmatched. The following seasons they have had their really moving moments, particularly for me the third season, but never the same spark as that first season. I do think they are endgame though, because that's just the path the show is on. I don't think the narrative makes sense without them, and wether that is effective writing is a whole separate post. That being said, I will always always never have beef with an lgbtq ship in any fandom, unless it's with a very unhealthy character and I think the ship is straight up abusive. Fandom is a largely queer space because we create the content we lack. That's important and should be respected regardless of ship wars (and I'm a person that gets into those lol). I have a dear friend who will ship anything as long as it's two women, even if they never interacted. I've never understood this. I want the writing to be strong and the relationship to be healthy. But I understand why she feels the way she feels and I'd never judge her, that's what fandom is for.

Some other Stranger Things opinions; I think the writing really has suffered since the first season. It is still a great show, but they struggle with consistency in their characters which is a huge issue for me. They also cave to fandom, which is another huge pet peeve of mine.

I also think Billy Hargrove is one of the most damaging popular characters in a long time, in terms of fandom and the impact on culture. I might just be biased however, I'm on some Billy fans blocklists.

This season was the best one by far since the first. I know that's a hot take, but I think it's true.

Max and Lucas were the only characters who were effectively developed and utilized this past season, which was a breath of fresh air for them to not waste Caleb McLaughlin again.

I do not like Jonathan Byers, but that being said the time for stancy has long come and gone and returning to it is insane.

Oh, final take, we've been giving the Duffers far too much credit for Robin as a character when a lot of it should go to fav nepotism baby Maya Hawke.

[brncrd]

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 : bernard hugh alderidge . 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 : march 2nd , 1984 . 𝐚𝐠𝐞 : 40 . 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 / 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧 : london, england . 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 : beatrice alderidge & bradford thornbury . 𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : barron, barrett & brooke . 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 : cis man . 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬 : he + him . 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 : blue . 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫 : dark brown . 𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 : 185cm / 6'1" ft . 𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 : caucasian . 𝐦𝐛𝐭𝐢 : esfp ( the entertainer ) . 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 : heterosexual + heteromantic . 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬: single . 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 : none . 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 : english, spanish , french . 𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 : board member ( chair of the board ) at comoedia corp . 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 : bachelor in business, masters in analytics and management at london business school .

𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘

having everything handed to you since birth tends to shape one's personality in a way most would not find appropriate. bernard wasn't even born and people were already certain that would be the case with him. mostly because the alderidge name was well known in the country and perhaps even outside of it thanks to his grandfather. his family had been in there for centuries without a quarter of the prestige they'd acquired once the comoedia corporation had been founded, you couldn't possibly blame bernard for believing the means justify the end in this particular case. it is a family thing: the alderidge moral compass has been tampered from that day forward. no one was exactly wrong for assuming he'd grow to be the personification of what's wrong with society, they were however wrong about how he'd carry himself in relation to it. bernard doesn't walk around with his nose pointing to the sky, expecting all to bow at his presence. he'd shared most of his school years with members of nobility and lower ranking royals, it made him a bit aware of his surroundings. not enough to call him humble when humility comes from hardship and he's never experienced any, but enough to give him the image of a down-to-earth man. he attended business school because it was the logical thing to do. there wasn't a part of bernard that rejected the idea of inheriting the family business one day, so he took on the role as soon as he was allowed to. summer internships at comocorp or any of their subsidiaries, shadowing his mother and grandfather at meetings, existing entirely for the job until finally getting a degree so nobody could say he was an inexperienced boy who only got the job because of family ties and nepotism. because a degree might speak volumes but for him it was just theory, when he'd had the practice part running through his veins. you wouldn't believe just how easy it was for him to mold the student body of london business school to his liking: bernard's persuasion is only strong because he's likeable. a charmer. flirtatious but only enough for you to wonder if it was truly flirting or that's just his personality. because if he is, in fact, interested, you will know. that's another thing he's good at: he's a chatter, loves being surrounded by people and deep in conversation about any and every topic, so holding back on speaking even if it's about his own feelings and desires isn't his style. and half of london would be able to tell you that as well. with everyone at comoedia it isn't any different, he charms and charms until you're unable to refuse him anything. some might see right through it, bust most are blinded by the idea of the ceo's son acting like he is there to serve them when they expected it to be the other way around. which is exactly how he gets it to be just that way, without others feeling like they're being explored or played. he doesn't believe it makes him a bad person, just a tactical one. being the oldest of four with such space between the birth of each of his siblings made him used to sudden and complete change. and maybe it is what makes bernard so used to being among a crowd, since he were five he didn't know what it was to be alone neither did he remember anything before barron. he considers silence a form of torture, so much so that he might even ask brooke to give him a run down of her latest endeavours. or worse, he'll start blabbing about his own. he could have whichever position he'd liked under his own mother's in the company, everyone expected him to jump to have coo written on his office's door, but there's little greed in his heart for any other role when he's aware that the top one is in his future. a board member is just what he needs to be. he has a say, a vote, eyes and ears on every negotiation and decision, without having to do too much of the heavy lifting just yet. it is perfect.

𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋

played rugby in high school and university

bad eyesight king™

commitment issues

mumma's boy

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

han daiyu - university best friend / crush

orson hewitt - emotional support bestie

arnold whisham - frenemy

crete whisham - ex girlfriend ( 2016-2019 )

𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓

link.

[winns-stuff]

I think your right perhaps the appeal of hades is that at his barest hes a rich man who's eager to please. (And the ideal set here for the relationship I guess is to be a sugar baby or trophy wife I suppose?)

Maybe its like those mafia au's people enjoy - like the appeal is in the idea that someone will go to extreme lengths to protect you (in this case Persephone from jail time for commiting genocide) - however theres a key component missing here. Respect. We have NEVER not once seen Hades respect Persephone. His first few scenes is him oogling her from above (so sexualizing her without her consent or knowledge. She looks young and vulnerable, two things Hades loves). Then he assumes she wants to have sex in his kitchen. Then in a strip club he sexualizes her more in front if his brothers (who I guess are okay with this? Even encourage it?) Then he gives her special treatment at work (because shes not qualified) so nepotism but still not respect. Then he tries to hide her from the consequences of her actions via the murder trial (speaking for her as her lawyer but still not respecting her wishes as he brings her up to the witness stand when she doesn't want too) then ten years go by. Then kronos blah blah then she becoems queen and what happens? He distracts her with fucking sticky notes (like a kid) and "rest". He does sort of tell her what's going on but hes still not respecting her enough to actually let her help with kronos or being a ruler.

And Persephone doesn't respect Hades either (walking all over his boundaries) but thats a topic for another day.

I’m gonna say it now, LO really blurs the line between Respect and (damn I could’ve had a word for this but I can’t think of any) I guess you could say Possession.

Persephone is property to that man, something pretty he could look at and make his wife knowing that she has no choice but to say yes. If anything the recent chapters should’ve told us that this man takes Persephone’s kindness as a yes, he rushes into the marriage not worried about if Persephone will say no it if she’ll be comfortable with it at all because why? He knows that no matter what he does all he has to do is whine and act pathetic and she’ll cave in cause he’s seen first hand that she’s a welcome mat when it comes to him. Like I genuinely think he’s manipulating the fuck out of her by letting her think he respects her but in reality he just doesn’t want to be lonely and now that he’s found the perfect wife he’s not gonna let her go so yeah. She’s property now, ESPECIALLY cause she looks like a flower nymph.

It’s been implied that he has a flower nymph kink and the story gives subtle hints about if and I believe Rachel herself has confirmed it but I could be wrong so I’ll let this be alleged (even though I have a strong feeling I’m not) and what has this story told us about Persephone? That she looks exactly like a flower nymph. Let’s take it a little deeper too, who doesn’t all the flower nymphs look like? Persephone. Who also creates flower nymphs? Persephone. This isn’t a coincidence, this man knows that if he wanted another nymph girlfriend he could just ask Persephone to make him one.

[gideonisms]

Pash/corona

so for god knows what reason I'm more into pash/ianthe. but I DO want pash/corona to fuck? so I picked do ship

What made you ship it? well they find each other REALLY annoying for a combo of reasons but have clearly noticed each other's tits. it's kind of, one failed nepotism baby to another, you know?

What are your favorite things about the ship? Tbh? I think the hatesex would be really good and they'd both be mad about it. classic blackrom. you know how it is. and they both have strong ideals (arguable in coronabeth's case but much of the stuff she told Judith in AYU seemed sincere), although I think they have almost unlimited potential to miscommunicate and misunderstand each other's goals

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? I don't think it's going anywhere romantically. idk if that's an unpopular opinion. I just don't think they could ever get to the bit where they're at all vulnerable with each other or even hurtful to each other in a way that truly hits home. I think they'd always be THIS close to saying something real but they never would. but hey, the ask doesn't specify whether it would be a GOOD relationship

[guardsbian]

It's been a little while so I forgot what I might already know tbh, but how does like the hierarchy of demons work? Who is at the very top, if anyone :O

OH. OH I HAVE AN IMAGE MADE UP FOR THIS PERFECTLY. DON'T ASK FOR THE ANGEL VERSION IT ISN'T DONE YET. ALSO HALF-DEMONS SHOULD BE ON HETE

Unlike angels, demons don't follow a universal hierarchy- their hierarchy is limited to their position within their independent pantheons, and then, in relation to demons in other pantheons, relative to this general ranking. As demons can be extremely self-absorbed and judgmental, it isn't uncommon for them to fully take advantage of these divisions for personal gain.

(The rest is very long and rambling, so it's under the cut!)

Archdemons are universally at the top, though the number in control of a pantheon can range from one to... however many can get along and agree on things. They're remarkably powerful, with their magical instability on Sornieth countered only by their acute control over it. It's impossible for any demon to uphold a pantheon (basically, manage all the magical nonsense and control it entails) if they aren't an archdemon, and whether every demon could potentially become an archdemon is... eh? It's like how queen bees start out as normal larvae but are given different treatment; for demons, becoming an archdemon typically comes with a fair mix of nepotism and luck. Archdemons will pick favored children to raise to their status. Average demons can discreetly raise an archdemon from youth in order to better manipulate a new pantheon (in a regent to the child-monarch sort of way). Some young demons will simply fall into the right environmental circumstances. In most cases, the child of two archdemons will just be so powerful that their rank is inevitable, regardless of what anyone does to stop it. An adult demon can try to become an archdemon, but there's a lot of essential development that's difficult to change by that age.

Average demons and incubi/succubi are, physically and magically, the same thing, but their roles in pantheons have incubi/succubi treated with slightly less regard. The only thing that marks them as such is having lust as one of their primary vices. Socially, however, incubi/succubi are integral to the dealings of pantheons with other pantheons. In terms of pacts and promises, one archdemon offering demons to another is one of the most common forms of exchange. And, unless a specific demon is being transferred for their specialty or skills, it's purely a numbers game, which requires somehow obtaining more demons... Through, you know, demons in an archdemon's pantheon having children that are then indebted to the pantheon and its whims by birth. So, incubi/succubi are really the only demons considering to be "naturally inclined" to that. (Realistically, most of it is social- in a non-demonic society, a demon's vices would have no bearing on how willing they as an individual would be to have- and either hand over or abandon- children; though it probably also wouldn't be inaccurate to say that demons, generally, do not form very strong attachments with their children or ascribe to the concept of parenthood regardless of the society they're in.) This often puts them in positions where they aren't making many pacts or leading souls their archdemons, which makes them more "expendable" compared to the other demons which are constantly working to earn their archdemon's favor and grow their power. However, this divide also isn't universal, and tends to change as pantheons exist on Sornieth for longer. Many incubi/succubi have far more freedom to act in manners more akin to demons of other vices within their pantheon. (Which is... ironic, maybe, considering that serving an archdemon isn't exactly "freedom" in any form.)

Below these average demons are imps- naturally less powerful demons who usually don't have the magical capabilities to make meaningful pacts, and are usually assigned to directly assist archdemons or notable demons with menial tasks. Sometimes this can include harassing potential targets to get them to finally fold to a pact, but sometimes it isn't much more than average housework and service. In situations where looking after a young demon is just a case of waiting for them to grow up and become useful, imps are generally also the ones to look after them. Half-demons, though not often directly involved with pantheons, would likely rank around imps on average, though the archdemon's opinion on them could make this vary wildly (from high-ranking favoritism to low-ranking hatred).

Below that, you have enlisted fallen angels- a relative rarity, all things considered, but not unheard of. A fallen angel in a pantheon is likely forced to serve via pact, but the actual role they end up playing has no bearing on their ranking. Most only align themselves with pantheons because it led to the circumstances of their falling, or because the treatment is slightly preferable to being treated as a pariah by the angels.

Lesser beasts just entails any non-humanoid, non-intelligent demonic entities that a pantheon keeps for one reason or another. They're generally unseen on Sornieth, as there's not much to be gained by putting them into an animal body that couldn't be achieved by just using the animal as-is, but occasionally they'll scutter around and cause chaos in their true forms. Despite a large number being purely wildlife in their home realm, they're the same species (whatever that means for a spiritual being) as all other demons, and most originate from demons falling victim to curses, pacts, or other strange circumstances that led to them having monstrous children, or becoming monsters themselves, which then ran amok and interacted with other accursed offspring to eventually create lesser beasts with no known lineages. While a few are still born from those aforementioned curses and such, the vast majority are just monsters, descended from monsters, descended from monsters, etc.

[imaslothandsowhat]

still unemployed. also, highly anxious and have creeping depression coming back. home situation so stressful with the whole home renovation. we dont have any help and im incapable of doing everything my parents want me to do. i keep having pestering health issues. i dont get enough sleep and i think i have very strong case of insomnia fuelled by horrible anxiety. home renovation is so stressful and shit doesnt work bcos both my parents are old and, well, im not a fucking builder so i dont do it either. they keep having constant bickering to full blown out fights. i cant even clean the house, im so exhausted all the time. i think tis the atmosphere in the house - depressing and hopeless, we all succumbed to it. i dont know how to escape. also, reading horror stories - that may have influenced my mental state in one way or another, who knows, at least it keeps me happy bcos im lost in another book.

i try to write. finished one shot. writing another one, a very long one. i have many ideas for fanfics but then i get discourages bcos 'those are just fanfics'. they are not going to get me employed or recognised in any way. its not a published book draft. i cant force myself write an analytical piece of essay on politics - it bores me, kills me. i want to be educated and i try to read some academic articles but i cant physically force myself to open one. also, i want to and, actually, just have to read and learn the laws (plural, yes, so fucking many) of my country so i can be an educated citizen that knows her rights. its intimidating, its a lot, i want to cry often bcos i feel like a failure.

im so old and i dont have a job even though i graduated bachelors already a year ago. i shouldve found smthgn by now. but i dont want any job, i want smthng nice and worthy of m and my time and my knowledge. but i suppose im also very lazy and passive. i thought about starting a youtube channel, but thats also a lot of effort. a lot of energy.

all my energy goes to surviving day by day in this depressed household whre my father is always angry, tired, unhappy and my mother is always angry, tired, unhappy. see, a pattern? i am, too, always angry, tired, unhappy. when things go well, we cherish and we dont do anything. then, things swiftly go to shit and i feel sm anxiety that i feel my heart bursting and bleeding and i dont have any meds (except simple calming one) to help me. i want to cry, often, more often.

i began my singing online classes. it felt like a lot of fun and i enjoyed it. i want to begin my piano classes too, slowly. but then, i feel like a failure bcos its not a job. i dont work. i dont get money. i dont develop myself career-wise. everythign i do and enjoy slightly - its all a mess, its all unworthy, its all pointless. i dont help around the house, i dont help with renovations, i dont work. im nothing, i worth nothing. i dont have a job and im nothing, i dont have a career and how dare i dream big, how dare i be ambitious.

very depressive state of mind. my mind is haunted, i suppose, its hunted even by these sharks of anxiety and self-hatred ingrained so deep within me that it takes me so many years to unlearn that no, in fact, killing oneself is not a logical decision and hating every inch of your being and your personality is, in fact, not a healthy and cool attitude.

well, doing it all little by little. might read some academic articles, might not. who knows? no one fucking hires me regardless of how many cvs i send. my country is rotting, decaying from blatant nepotism and corruption. how will i move through it? i do not know. but i put too much energy already in my beautiful hobbies, in helping around the house, in keeping myself and my parents sane and not going off the rockers. its a full time job, actually! i try to soothe myself before i sleep bcos i wish only to cry and scream bcos how dare my fate not be what i have imagined all these months ago.

the world is cruel, unhappy, damp place. and i think im falling through it. but im trying to remember that this all is just a temporary feeling and i will feel better soon, maybe even tomorrow. my hobbies make sense, they are worth the time, worth my energy. i must try to enjoy my life even though i feel like its running away and i am worthless and my mom's words about 'doing something, write something, DO SOMETHING' are not helping. i simply want to decompose, cease to move forever. why time flies so fast? its already the third month of the year and i havent accomplished anything. work-wise, i guess. mentally? im down again. why life is like this.

tmrw i believe things will be better even though i cant for the life of me force myself to fall asleep early bcos my thoughts are killing me, eating me from the inside. i cant for the life of me force myself to wake up early bcos the dread of the day filled with depressive state horrifies me. what a cycle i live in. i dont know how to get out. and my depressed and angry parents are not helping. and i do not want to leave my house, pls do not suggest, im so sick of this stupid suggestion.

[anniesgameramblings]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMM_QSvgujw&t=22s&ab_channel=DoctorTyme

I’m having brainrot over this Neutral ending.

I 100% believe it might be the saddest for me,

& It’s DEFINITELY the worst for anyone who ships Alphyne as hard as I do because- they both just get such?? Shitty endings??

And I need to get my thoughts out about it so, here we go;

((TW: Suicide, Self-Hatred, Depression))

So, from Undyne’s perspective, she had been trying RELENTLESSLY to kill you - you were the final SOUL. The last human they needed. 

The time passage between SOULs collected seems to have been quite a loooong time. Gerson is the only monster you find that’s old enough to have even remembered a time when Toriel and Asgore were together, before Asgore waged war on humanity.

The Underground’s one hope has lied in getting to the surface. In collecting the 7 SOULs. Almost every Echo Flower in Waterfall says as much, and given its hearty population of monsters, we’re inclined to believe these must be relatively recent.

Canonically its been a thing long before Undyne even met Asgore (supported by the fact that she doesn’t recognize Toriel,)

So Undyne grew up amongst a population burning for this desire. And she was spurred to join the Royal Guard partially because Asgore trained her. King Asgore, the one who was supposed to free everyone. Not only did she feel a duty to her people, she felt a duty to her friend - a man who may’ve been something of a father figure to her.

And she didn’t become the Captain of the Royal Guard out of nepotism. You know, the group of knights exclusively dedicated to killing humans to collect SOULs (considering there’s very little in the way of crime in the Underground, and Toriel and Papyrus both concede that there’s no point for a Royal Guard without humans to fight).

She fought to the top with “grit and determination alone”.

All this to say; collecting all 7 human SOULs is her number one goal in life. Granted, she is as much a protector of her community, and even a “local hero” according to many - but that all comes with her very real determination to free the Underground. Which itself is born from a desire to give monsters hope, give her friends better lives, and take revenge on humanity.

Yes, she even carries a strong desire to make humanity pay despite never having even been alive to know them. Because she knows that when it comes down to it, the despair in the Undeground all goes back to them.

And this is putting aside her own actual respect for humanity, born from watching and reading Alphys’s “history books”.

Her commitment to her ideals is that strong.

So it can’t be stressed enough how monumental it was that she eventually managed to befriend Frisk. How much her love for a friend must have won out over such a strong desire to free her people.

She doesn’t even give up on collecting SOULs. I mean, how could she? She’s in this deep, and doesn’t see any other way to give the Underground the justice and security it needs. Simply resolving to take it from some “mean human”.

But she lets you go. Delays their freedom for a bit longer.

(Now, I know some people out there will interject to say she had already let you go when you decided to save her from heat exhaustion in Hotland. But I think I might make another post clarifying why I believe this wasn’t exactly the case. This one has gone on long enough 😫.)

Point is; in this ending, all of that is applicable. Everything she went through. And her final decision to spare you.

And then, you go and murder someone. 

Specifically, in this case, Mettaton. Granted, you could easily just get a neutral run by killing a Vulkin or someone. But it makes it all the worse if you JUST kill Mettaton.

Because how could she possibly know that you killed him?

(And she does know that, if indeed he’s the only person you actually kill, as evidenced by Papy’s dialogue.)

It stands to reason that only one person could’ve told her this information. Because the only one who was there to see the aftermath...was Alphys.

There was no one else in that room.

And take note of Papyrus’s choice of words; SHE SAID you killed someone.

Alphys did not announce this to the world, otherwise Undyne wouldn’t have needed to tell him

And hell, from Papy’s choice of words, it seems to imply that Undyne didn’t even tell Papyrus who it was you killed. Most likely because he’d be heartbroken to know a person he befriended went on to kill the celebrity he stans like nothing else. She wanted to spare her friend from that news, even though she’s currently going through the most miserable point in her life.

But anyways, the only thing that could’ve happened was that Alphys told Undyne this fact privately.

Imagine how terrible she would’ve felt. Knowing that she spared you, allowing you to kill someone. Someone who was the close friend of a girl she was in love with. How much that must’ve hurt Alphys.

And then Alphys “disappears”. Something Papy seems to believe you’re responsible for - likely then something that was told to him by Undyne, who also believes you were responsible for making Asgore disappear.

It’s hard enough on her to lose Asgore.

He was her mentor, one of the few to look upon this hotheaded kid with not just empathy - but with a promise to help her hone the abilities she longed to have.

It gets even worse when you consider the fact that she doesn’t blame you for his “disappearance” in a regular Pacifist route - obviously she only has a problem with this fact when she believes you killed him out of cold blood, versus self-defense (and she does seem to imply that she genuinely believes you killed him, regardless if you tried to).

She’s a knight, and does understand that some duels are inevitable. But in this ending, she gives you no such leeway. You killed Mettaton when you didn’t have to. You broke Alphys’s heart. And then you took two of the most important people in her life away from her.

Back to Alphys- because, god, does that part hurt.

I think it’s well known by now that in a couple of endings, it’s implied that Alphys commits suicide. She’s hinted at being suicidal in plenty of playthroughs, specifically:

When you call Undyne & Papyrus in the dump,

and when Alphys confronts you in the True Lab,

In three different endings, she “disappears” for unknown reasons. Two of them you have to have killed Mettaton, one of them you have to have killed Undyne.

So it stands to reason WHY she disappeared then.

And of course, these endings all must occur without you dating Alphys and leading to her solving her crippling self-doubt and guilt in the True Lab.

But think about why she takes the decision to end her own life in THIS Neutral ending.

First of all; you’ve killed someone who was one of her only friends, Mettaton. Granted, he stopped treating her like one when he made it big, but he’s one of the only recent positive contacts she had. Other than perhaps Bratty and Catty, although this friendship was implied to have fizzled out way before Mettaton’s.

But I don’t think it’s just that she misses Mettaton.

No, she feels responsible for his death.

Think about it from her perspective - in this run, you aren’t a cold blooded killer for the majority of it. Alphys never sees you kill. She seems to believe you’re this wonderful anime-esque protagonist who goes around befriending everyone you meet.

And so, she starts up an elaborate scheme to become your friend and convince you to not kill Asgore. She hires Mettaton to be the “villain”. To be a malfunctioning robot who she asks you to defeat.

Then, all of a sudden, in the climactic showdown, where Mettaton reveals she was supposed to come in and “save” you from her - the door locks.

She later calls you, saying she can’t see what’s even going on in there, and reveals how to make him “vulnerable” enough to keep him from hurting you (which she seems to believe is certainly a possibility) - 

And then you kill Mettaton.

She’s not just faced with the loss of her friend, but with the fact that she CAUSED it. That she was the one who made Mettaton the “villain”. Who ended up putting you both in harms way.

She doesn’t even blame you for killing him. Why would she? No, she blames herself. Like she always does.

She even tries to dissuade any guilt you might feel by brushing it off.

And it all becomes too much for her. At some point, she tells Undyne the news, which no doubt makes Undyne blame herself for even letting the human go. And then...she ends it all.

And Undyne has to know why. She has to know why Alphys ended up taking her life. How heartbroken Alphys must’ve been to have lost Mettaton - she may’ve even let onto the fact that she believes it was all her fault.

And it’s all “because” Undyne let you go.

All she can do is mumble on about how she wasn’t able to “protect her”.

Undyne, who’s made it her mission to protect everyone. Who saw Alphys as a beautiful soul who was more than her insecurities. Who served as a positive force in her life, and in some timelines, the kickstart to getting Alphys to start working on herself.

SHE thought it was HER job to protect Alphys. And that she failed at it. Felt she was partially responsible for her death.

And that she never even got to tell her she was in love with her.

With Alphys and Asgore gone, the guilt of their disappearances weighing on her mind - as well as the death of another person that could’ve been prevented...

She gives up.

Think about that, after all the determination she’s had in the past - hell, in every other playthrough, she gives up.

All that hope has been washed away.

Every other neutral ending features Undyne keeping on in some fashion - even if she’s wallowing in despair. Even if she’s about to die.

Overthrowing the Queen when she attempts to call off killing humans (in an ending where you’ve killed Papyrus, Asgore has disappeared, and Alphys has disappeared);

Promising to destroy you (after having killed non-Boss monsters after befriending her);

Literally developing Determination out of the sheer will to live despite you killing her (in any run you kill her in);

I don’t think I need to even say anything about the No Mercy run-

But this is the only run she gives up on it all. On revenge, on finding a way out of the Underground, on thinking she’ll ever be able to protect anyone again - or forgive herself for letting all her friends get hurt...for letting one of her closest friends hurt herself...

It’s fucking heartbreaking.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Six

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: writing this chapter was so much fun but reading it was a train wreck so you’ll just have to find out yourself whether it’s actually good or not. hurt/comfort ahead

***

Most of Nesta’s days lately are spent holed up in her basement apartment, either studying for her finals or preparing for her move—which means that whenever Cassian wants to see her, she has to haul ass all the way to the cabin to make time for him.

Like now, on the morning of her birthday, as she stands in her pajamas and slippers in the middle of Cassian’s home gym. Staring at the reason behind his urgent phone call telling her to come over.

“It’s a pole,” she says dumbly.

“Happy birthday,” he says, looking proud of himself. “Consider it an incentive to move in faster, okay?”

“It’s a pole,” she repeats. Tall and gleaming, it stands in front of the wall of mirrors away from most of the workout equipment. “You installed a pole?”

The gift itself isn’t that surprising—Cassian could afford an entire pole dancing studio if he wanted to. What surprises her is that it’s installed here, in Cassian’s personal space. The gym is to Cassian what the reading nook is to Nesta, if not even more sacred. Nesta rarely enters it, but now… he’s extending a blatant invitation into his space.

“I know you already take classes with Gwyn and Emerie,” Cassian is saying, “but you haven’t gotten to go in a while because of school and work, so I thought it would be easier for you if I brought the dance studio over here.” He scratches his head, and Nesta’s eyes drift to the silver watch on his wrist. “You never told me you used to dance. I found out from Feyre, and she sent me videos of your old ballet recitals.”

“Did she?”

Cassian nods along. “You were good. You’re still good now, which is why you should wipe that look off your face and thank me for your gift.”

Nesta is sure she looks stupefied, but she doesn’t do anything to rein it in. She has so many thoughts, and she can only think of saying, “I don’t want to practice in front of you.”

“You don’t have to,” Cassian promises. “Other than early mornings, maybe evenings, the gym will be empty for you.”

Okay. “You—” Nesta starts, “You’re really okay with this?”

Cassian’s face drops in confusion. “Okay with what?” He looks at the pole and back at Nesta. “Do you not like it?”

“Are you okay with giving me part of the gym? Where are you going to go if you want to be alone?” She chews on her lip.

Cassian laughs. “Why would I want to be alone?”

Nesta shrugs. “I need it at least once a week. I figured everyone else was the same way.” Her alone spot in the cabin is her former bedroom from the first time she lived here. Cassian knows not to enter that room, and on days when she spends time in there he simply waits until she comes out. Nesta assumed the gym was close to being something like that for Cassian.

Realization crosses Cassian’s face. “Oh, you mean like your ‘special room’?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Nesta snipes. “I told you I don’t use it for masturbating.”

He comes over and swings a heavy arm around her shoulder. “Babe, if I wanted to be alone I wouldn’t stay in the house. I’d run the trails in the woods behind the cabin.”

“Really?” Her brows furrow. She didn’t know that.

“Look, am I gonna have to return the pole or not?” Cassian says, exasperated.

Nesta stares at him closely, and upon finding no other catch to his gift, she flings her arms around his torso. “I love it,” she declares into his chest. “I love it so much.”

His body tenses in surprise at her uncharacteristic outburst, but then she feels his strong arms wrapping around her too. “In that case, have I earned myself a private show?” he teases.

“I’ll give you so many private shows,” Nesta promises. At least, once she completes her 2L and has the time to learn how to use the pole. “Emerie and Gwyn are going to be so jealous,” she hums pridefully.

Cassian chuckles deeply, and the sound rumbles through his chest where Nesta’s head rests.

They stay holding each other in silence like that for a while, mostly because it’s too early for unnecessary conversing. When Nesta finally speaks up, it’s to say, “Did you really have to call me over at eight a.m. for this, though?”

“It’s your birthday.” Cassian strokes the hair away from her neck. “Don’t even think about sleeping,” he warns. “We’re spending the whole day together. Your sisters mailed gifts, and Gwyn and Emerie are coming over at noon.”

That works for her.

***

The week after her birthday, Nesta drops her resignation letter onto Rhysand’s desk with a heavy smack.

He looks up from the envelope to her. “What’s this?”

“I’m quitting,” she announces without flourish. “Thank you for the experience. Let’s never do it again.”

“But—you got paid more than anyone else in an assistant position ever would. And you weren’t too bad at your job for a student. What went wrong?” He picks up the letter as if he can’t believe his eyes.

Nesta’s stare is a deadpan one. “Let me guess: you thought I would take your free paychecks, use my connections to move up your nepotism ladder, and end up working at Night Court comfortably for the rest of my life?”

Rhysand sits back in his chair and raises a brow at Nesta. “This is a family business,” he says smoothly. “I thought you wanted to be part of the family?”

How funny of him. “I’m good,” she answers simply.

“You came all the way here to tell me this?” Here being Velaris, which gleams through the wall of windows behind Rhysand’s desk.

“I’m not here to see you,” Nesta says, the implication being left in the air. “I’m just stopping by.” Giving a short nod, she turns on her heel to leave.

“If you ever go looking for another job,” Rhysand calls after her, “tell me if you need a recommendation. I can get you into any position at any business.”

She pauses at the door and looks over her shoulder at Rhysand. “I already have recommendations. And a job.” Her summer clerkship at the local family law firm won’t pay a third of what she made here at Night Court, but it’s good enough for now. Combined with what she’s saved up so far, she’ll get through her final year of law school without issue.

At Rhysand’s surprised face, she takes her cue to leave.

Nesta didn’t intend on going all the way to personally meet the CEO to quit, but since Cassian has been in Velaris the whole weekend for work, she thought it would be nice to surprise Cassian with a visit and cut her ties with Night Court Inc. at the same time.

Night Court’s headquarters are huge, with the skyscraper easily being one of the tallest buildings in the city. Nesta nearly gets lost trying to find her way out of Rhysand’s offices.

When she finally spots the steel doors of the elevator, they’re about to slide shut on her. “Hold the door!” she calls out, kicking into a jog. An arm pushes out at the last second to stop the doors from closing, and Nesta slides into the elevator with a sigh of relief. The doors close after her, and she turns to thank the only other person in the elevator.

The man is already looking at her in surprise—surprise which slowly turns into a shark-like smile. “Nesta?”

Nesta’s blood goes cold. He can’t be.

“Remember me?” He points at himself, still grinning. “Keith? Keith O’Connell?”

She tries to swallow but her mouth is dry. “Yeah, I remember,” she gets out.

She remembers everyone she knew from college. She especially remembers Tomas’s closest friends.

Nesta realizes Keith is saying something to her. “What floor?” he asks.

“Uh…” Where was she going again? She can’t remember. She spits out a random number and lets Keith press the button.

Nesta turns her gaze to the flashing numbers above the doors, watching them go down and down. Why are there so many damn floors?

“Didn’t think I’d see you around here,” he goes on, trying to get her to meet his eyes. “Let me guess, you’re an intern?”

Nesta keeps her eyes glued to the floor numbers. “No.”

“Ah,” he hums. “Don’t tell me you’re still chasing that lawyer dream?”

When Nesta doesn’t respond, she finds five fingers on her jaw turning her face toward Keith’s.

She jerks out of his grip, indignant rage bubbling to the surface—rage that is almost immediately suppressed by dread and fear. She’s so small right now; she can’t remember how to be big and loud.

Keith grins, taking a step closer. “What’s wrong? I just asked a question.”

Her back bumps into the wall. She barely feels it. She might as well be back in the living room of her college apartment, sitting on the arm of the couch while Tomas makes snide remarks about her to Keith O’Connell and his other friends. She’s not allowed to leave, because then she’ll be the one who can’t take a joke.

Keith frowns disappointedly at the ground, as if he found a shiny toy just to discover that it doesn’t do any tricks. Now he’s bored. “Damn,” he says. “When you’re not busy being Tom’s bitch, I guess you’re just a bitch.”

Nesta wishes she could be a bitch right now. She wishes she could fight back. “What are you doing, Keith?”

He tilts his head at her. “I’m catching up with you. You got a boyfriend?” His beady eyes slide down her form, leaving a slimy feeling in their wake.

When her lips stay pressed in a firm line, he grabs her arm and laughs. “Come on, why’re you being so weird?” He shakes her by the elbow. “I won’t tell anyone if you do have a boyfriend, promise.”

Nesta hears a ding, and the elevator doors slide open. She doesn’t know whether it’s her floor or Keith’s floor, but she doesn’t care—she’s the first to pull away from him and make an exit. “See you,” she blurts before speedwalking out of the elevator.

Why the fuck did she say “see you”? She doesn’t want to see him ever again. He doesn’t deserve to see her ever again.

Behind her, she hears Keith chuckle again. “I’ll tell Tomas you said hi,” he calls after her.

***

Cassian finds Nesta huddled under a desk.

He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he spotted her hurrying out of the elevator on the eighteenth floor of Night Court’s headquarters, but soon enough he realized that yes, that was Nesta’s coat and Nesta’s hair. She was supposed to be back home studying for her first two finals, but instead she was here looking like she was going to be sick.

He was about to follow her when his eyes slid to the man that had gotten off the elevator after her. He didn’t like how O’Connell was staring after Nesta.

“We’re old college friends,” O’Connell shrugged dismissively when Cassian approached him. “I was just saying hi.”

Nesta doesn’t have any friends from college.

Which leads Cassian to a dim, abandoned meeting room, one that would seem fully empty if it wasn't for the sound of strained breathing coming from under the only desk.

He approaches the desk slowly, his worn sneakers coming into Nesta’s line of sight. Pushing the rolling chair away, he crouches down to get a better look at her.

Tinny music comes out of her earbuds, loud enough to drown out any other sounds. She stares past Cassian like she can’t even see him, and the hollowed out look in her eyes terrifies him for a moment. When she blinks, tears spill over onto her cheeks.

“Nes?” Carefully, Cassian reaches out to touch one of her earbuds. After a second of hesitation, he pulls it out and lets it fall.

Nesta sniffles once, then finally turns her teary gaze to Cassian. Her eyes widen a little bit as she croaks, “How did you find me?”

“I followed you. What are you doing here, baby?”

“Um—” Her voice cracks, and she swipes away her tears with the sleeve of her coat. She clears her throat and says, “I came to surprise you.”

“And how’d you end up under here?” Cassian pulls Nesta’s hand away from her face before the scratchy wool can redden her face further. Makeup is smudged around her eyes, and he tries to soothe the sensitive skin there with his thumbs.

Nesta’s other earbud drops out of her ear while he fusses, leaving her with nothing to listen to.

Cassian is quietly, studiously tucking stray hairs back into Nesta’s bun when she confesses, “I was weak.”

“How?” Concern pinches Cassian’s brow. “By crying in front of me?”

“I was completely helpless,” she goes on, her voice numb. “And I didn’t know how not to be that way. I hated it, it’s so stupid.” She tears up again. “I’m not supposed to be that stupid.”

“Tell me what happened,” Cassian demands. He can’t pretend to be patient anymore.

Nesta presses her lips together and stares down at her shoes. Nothing Cassian can think of can prepare him for when she says, “I ran into a friend of my ex.”

So that’s who he is. A frightening calmness settles over Cassian. “O’Connell?” he asks, though he already knows.

Nesta looks up. “You know him?”

He tightens his jaw but nods. “Move over.” Ducking his head, Cassian crawls under the desk to join Nesta. He has to hunch over in half to fit, but Nesta doesn’t seem to mind.

He has to give it to her—it’s not a bad hiding spot.

“What did he say to you?” He tries to sound steady, undisturbed.

“He didn’t need to say anything,” Nesta answers. “I lost my spine with one look from him. He had me under his thumb.”

“I see.” Cassian has made peace with the fact that Tomas Mandray has long since moved away, that he’ll never be able to track the shithead down and make him suffer. What he didn’t know, however, is that Mandray left his friends behind.

“Were you hurt?” is his next question. “Did he touch you?” Cassian doesn’t know what he’ll do if Nesta says yes, but he has to ask anyway.

“I’m not hurt,” she assures him. But her hands rub over her upper arms like she can feel the ghost of a touch there.

“I see,” he repeats. He watches her for a bit longer before stating, “You’re not stupid.”

Nesta’s huff is amused. “Thank you.”

“And don’t spend too much time thinking about O’Connell,” he mutters, nudging her knee with his. “I’ll get rid of him for good.” That is a promise that Cassian is happy to keep.

Nesta looks alarmed. “Like…murder him?”

Cassian laughs. “No, not like that. But you’ll never see him again, so I hope you’ve said what you needed to say to him.”

Nesta thinks for a moment, then nods. “That sounds good. I don’t have anything to say to him.” She inhales a deep breath. “I think I feel better now.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

Cassian holds out a hand to her. “You wanna get out of here?”

She takes his hand and he helps her out from under the desk.

Nesta apparently booked a hotel room in Velaris to surprise Cassian with, but they both agree on the way to the parking lot that they’ve had enough of the city. Cassian chooses to leave his truck behind for Rhys to take care of, and he offers to drive Nesta’s car while she rests.

The ride home is long and quiet.

Nesta sits in silence with her earbuds in, her head leaning against the car window and one of her hands in Cassian’s. He drives with his free hand, sneaking glances over at her every so often just to make sure she really is okay.

It enrages him that someone from Nesta’s past found their way into her place of work. What if he and O’Connell weren’t working in Velaris this weekend, and Nesta bumped into O’Connell in the middle of town instead? It could have tainted any sense of safety she has with the small city she calls home.

Cassian has no plans on telling her that O’Connell is the team leader for the Milan project, or that he rents a small place on the outskirts of their town. Because soon enough neither of those things will be true, and there’s no use in unnecessarily worrying her.

He absentmindedly rubs his thumb over the back of Nesta’s hand.

When they finally pull up to the cabin, Nesta picks her head up from the window to look around. Spotting the other black car parked in the driveway, she makes a sound of disappointment. “Az is home.”

“We can stay in the car if you like,” Cassian offers. He’s in no rush to go inside and face other people, either.

Nesta pulls her heels off, bending over to rub her stockinged feet. “Maybe just for a little while.”

Cassian unbuckles his seatbelt, gesturing for Nesta to put her feet in his lap.

She obliges, looking too tired to refuse him. Cassian runs his hands up her legs and under her skirt, finding the waistband of her sheer black tights and tugging.

“What are you doing?” She jerks under his hands, eyes wide. “The car’s too small for this.”

He narrows his gaze at her. “Chill, horndog. I’m just making you comfortable.” He pulls the tights the rest of the way down her legs and off, freeing her skin.

Nesta gives a little sigh of relief at the feeling of air on her bare skin. She rubs her hands over her thighs in wonder, drawing Cassian’s gaze.

He meets her eyes, and she slowly curls her legs off his lap, tucking them underneath herself instead.

Elated to have Nesta’s undivided attention after two hours of silence, he leans over and slips his hand around her jaw, pulling her in for a kiss.

Her inhale is soft, surprised, before she relaxes against his mouth. Cassian kisses her once, twice, hoping it’ll remind her that she’s safe at his side. That nothing can make her weak.

He’s slow to pull away, and he opens his eyes to find that Nesta’s are still closed, her lips still parted. He stifles a smile and whispers, “I think we should head inside.”

“Mm-hm,” she nods eagerly.

They exit the car, Cassian carrying Nesta’s shoes and tights in one hand and Nesta running over to him barefoot.

He leaves little pecks along her jaw and neck as they enter the cabin, taking extra time to find any moles or beauty marks. She’s about to turn in his arms to face him when they both take notice of Azriel sitting in the living room. Cardboard boxes surround him, and he’s filling them up with books.

Cassian drops Nesta’s heels and tights onto the floor, bringing Az’s attention to him.

“Hey, bro,” Cassian says warily. “What are you doing?”

“Moving out,” Az answers.

Nesta chokes on a laugh. When no one laughs with her, her face drops. “You’re serious?”

Cassian thinks the same thing.

“I’m going back to Velaris,” Az shrugs, dropping some trinkets into a box. “I’m ready to face Elain. I’m taking accountability.” He says it like it’s the simplest decision ever, like he’s talking about bringing an umbrella to a picnic.

“Are you sure about this?” Cassian asks. Just a while ago his brother was terrified at the idea of entering a ten mile radius of Velaris.

“I’m packing, aren’t I?” Az says dryly.

“You’re packing our things,” Cassian points out.

Nesta gasps when she notices. “Hey, those are my books!” She hurries over to snatch one out of Azriel’s hand.

Azriel snatches it back with a dark look. “What goes in the box, stays in the box.”

Cassian sputters in disbelief, looking around at the scene before him. “I mean—can we ask what brought this on?”

“Maybe I did some self-reflection. Or maybe I finally got sick of you and Nesta hooking up while I’m in the same room, like you were about to do now.” Az shrugs, pulling out a roll of packing tape and tearing off a strip with his teeth. “Don’t act like you’re going to miss me,” he continues as he tapes one of the boxes shut. “You two have been waiting for this day for months, and I’m finally granting your wishes.”

Cassian and Nesta share a look, and Cassian says hesitantly, “This isn’t… a breakdown or something, right?”

Azriel narrows his hazel eyes at Cassian.

“Okay, okay.” Cassian holds his hands up in defense. He pulls his hoodie over his head and off in one swift movement and goes over to the couch to help his brother pack. He still doesn’t know what brought on this sudden change of heart, but he knows Az won’t tell unless he wants to.

Nesta remains standing where she is, confounded, before dropping down next to an open box and rifling through it. “I want compensation for anything of mine you’re taking,” she demands, pulling out various paperbacks one by one.

“So like a dime for every three trash porns,” Cassian tells Az.

“I’m upcharging,” Nesta says. Her hand stops rummaging through the box, and she pulls out a framed photo instead of a book. She turns her steely eyes to Azriel. “You can’t have this one.”

It’s a candid picture of Cassian, Nesta, and Azriel on the ski lodge trip. Cassian remembers the moment it was taken with vividness, because it was one of the rare moments on that vacation where all three of them were smiling at the same time.

“Emerie took this,” Nesta continues, “and she’s my friend, so by extent it’s mine.”

Az smiles politely at her. “You’re right, you should keep it,” he says. “You’re too ugly in that photo for me to take it.”

Nesta sneers back, but gets up to reset the photo on the fireplace mantle.

A day or two later, Cassian notices that the ski lodge picture is gone, frame and all. He sighs to himself and hopes Nesta won’t notice.

***

a/n: it’s official less than five parts left!! cassian’s revenge scene is gonna be hotter than every smut scene combined

tagging: @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook a favor: @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea @teagoddess99

[elminx]

Note: This is a pro-curse/hexing blog, if this is not your thing - that is totally cool. But do not come at this post about the 3-fold law or the law of return, etc. BUT - and this is a big but (like Sir Mixalot) - I believe that you should still curse responsibly. What I mean by that is that you should be cursing when it is appropriate (I'll get into this in this post) and with solid protection for yourself.

This is in response to a comment that somebody left on a post where I talked about cursing recently - I am not going to quote them here because I am going to assume that they meant well. But it's important that we understand what we are doing and that comment was worth addressing.

There are a lot of things in witchcraft that aren't considered "cursing/hexing" but CAN be a curse or hex if you cast it in a particular way.

This is tricksy, I know. This is how a lot of people who claim that they don't curse or hex still do very intentionally baneful magic while claiming that they do not.

The big one: banishing a person. You will notice that there is a huge overlap in correspondences between the things that you might use to banish and the things that you might use to curse. (Black pepper, as an example) This shows that the line between banishing in a neutral way or hexing for removal (baneful magic) is mostly in the intention that you put into the spell and how you construct the spell itself.

So let's dig a little bit deeper. Most often if you are banishing a person from your life, you are pretty emotional about them for some reason. There are many reasons in which banishment is a very valid form of removal for another human (safety of all kinds, for example) and in that case, it probably doesn't matter if the spell is baneful. But, in some circles, it's considered acceptable to banish say - a coworker who is up for the same promotion as you at work. Or, a person that has caught the eye of your unfaithful partner.

Now - let's be honest here - neither your coworker nor the object of your errant partner's affections has done anything wrong - they are just existing in the world that you also inhabit. But if you throw a bunch of strong banishing herbs at them - you could really fuck up their lives. You might not think that you are hexing them, but unless you carefully construct a spell that is removing them from your life while also finding them something good elsewhere - you are probably hexing them. They might "go away" because they lose their housing or their mother dies and they have to go home to deal with family and grieving. Or they fall mysteriously ill and have to leave their job.

Now, I want you to ask yourself this: if this person was just existing - if they have not done something to you - is this, truthfully, in your heart of hearts, a justified curse? Can you continue to call it "banishment"? If you're angry or scared (angry that they got the promotion over you, or scared that your partner might run away with them), you likely put that energy into your banishment. Those emotions are probably fueling your spell and that's totally valid.

Maybe, you think that it is justified. This might just be because a lot of modern books decry "baneful magic" but are strongly pro-banishment. Maybe you've been told that if you are a witch and you can wield magic you have the right to do what you do. Maybe you don't want to consider the consequences and you are just looking for an easy fix.

There are a lot of easy fixes in magic but I'm here to tell you that the easy fixes in magic are temporary, at best.

Let's look at the two above examples again.

First: your work. You really wanted this promotion but Susy got it over you. Barring nepotism (which DOES happen) - Susy probably got the promotion over you for a reason. Maybe she's been working for the company longer. Maybe she is more qualified. Maybe you were an asshole to your manager or you had complaints filed against you. Maybe there are steps that you had to take, in the mundane world of your job, so that you would be better situated to get a promotion in the future. Or, maybe the job is not right for you. Maybe you should have left a long time ago. Maybe you are holding on to something that is passed its time.

Next: your shitty partner. Guys - if your partner is cheating on you, LEAVE THEM. Full fucking stop. I don't care how much you think that you love them. They aren't going to change. Not if you curse (oh...I mean...banish) every other person they ever look at. Not if you love bind them to you forever. Go find yourself someone who likes and values YOU.

A righteously cast baneful working is a powerful thing and I wholly support your efforts. But baneful work workings NEED TO BE DONE WITH STRONG PROTECTIONS IN PLACE. I'm not trying to be scare tacticy here - but you need to protect yourself. In fact, I'm a firm believer that casting baneful magic is the only time when you ABSOLUTELY need to be protecting yourself in magic. That its why it's important to get a full grasp on when you are casting baneful magic - even if it's not "technically" a curse or hex.