#another job done I'm getting there
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rare WIP preview from me#this is in like. 10 episodes. lmfao#its been really hard working this far ahead#my editor isnt giving me any feedback and my friends are very busy so it's felt quite lonely#which is fine! for my friends I mean. but its my editors job to give me feedback...#but the webtoon editors are extremely extremely extremely overworked and my series is set to end so I understand its low priority#its not her fault its webtoons fault. however. its still demotivating...#oh well l m a o#I should be much further ahead ngl LMFAO I want like 12 done but I come back in 2 weeks.#we'll see#when I get really stressed out I go full gamer mode#and usually I'll sink like 60 hours (like 5 days) into a game and then I'm good and move on#but this recent game that grabbed me is. its too much actually#bit uncontrollable ngl I think its an ADHD thing I mostly have just quit playing videogames at all#cause its like yeah being stressed cause theres too much work to do is not going to be helped by losing a week and a half to a game...#and yet.#anyways the game is satisfactory#my friend bought it for me and we've been playing together#and our shared file has. 100 hours on it. and we still havent beaten the game#we're close to beating it and it's not like we're rushing or anything#cause its fun to fuck around and zap eachother or whatever#but it's got me doing math. the exact kind of math I love to do. optimization#and its reminding me yeah in another life id have been an engineer#I'm glad I'm an artist but its always weird like yeah this is easily a path I could have gone down#'artists hate math' speak for yourself doing math calms me down! I love math!#I love math and I love business. I'm almost the perfect artist but I hate advertising so. we can't have it all#anyways theyre so fucking cute its sickening. I love them so much. I could cry#WIP#lineart#time and time again
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When you find out years later that you accidentally named one of your henchmen
Image ID: A multi-panel comic featuring au sanses. Panel 1: In Killer's original universe. A dark figure stands in the foreground while Killer is sitting back in the snow, covered in blood. Killer says "wh-what are you?" Panel 2: The dark figure is Nightmare but only his smile is visible. He says "I am Nightmare, guardian of all negativity in the multiverse ...and I have a proposition for you, Sans." Panel 3: Nightmare's hand is outstreched, he says "Come with me willingly and I'll take you out of this desolate and barren universe and let you loose on many others." Panel 4: Killer is looking back at Nightmare warily, a thought bubble shows he is thinking "other universes...?". He says "...in exchange for what? What do you want with me?" Panel 5: Nightmare's tentacles are reaching out towards Killer. He says "I feed off the fear and misery and hatred in this world, stirring these up will keep me powerful enough to fight against the guardian of positivity. In short," Panel 6: Nightmare is looming over Killer now, his tentacles surrounding him. He says "I just need you to be a good little killer." The word killer is in red text. Panel 7: Killer is grasping Nightmare's hand, having accepted his offer. Panel 8: Now in a different au, Nightmare stands beside Killer as he taunts Dream, who is out of frame. He says "You're outnumbered now Dream, I have a killer with me this time." The word killer is in red text again. Panel 9: Dream is lying on the ground looking hurt and ruffed up. Killer is standing in the background, looking ready to continue beating Dream up. Nightmare says from out of frame "You should know better than to turn your back on a killer by now." The word killer is in red text again. Panel 10: Nightmare is standing by Killer again, looking smug. He says to Dream, who is not shown "You'll need more than that pathetic bow next time you meet with my killer here." The word killer is in red text again. Killer is looking towards Nightmare, pleased with this. Panel 11: We are now in Nightmare's castle, present day. It is revealed to be Killer telling these events to Dust, who looks bored. Killer says "-and the name stuck, so that's why I'm called Killer now." Dust says very quietly "did I ask" Panel 12: Nightmare is standing in the corner behind them, he looks very surprised and concerned after hearing all this. Text with an arrow pointing to him reads "Didn't realise he had done this." Killer from out of frame says "he doesn't really call me his killer anymore tho" with a frowny face. Dust, also out of frame, says "that's nice now shut up" End ID.
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Truce au#Killer Sans#Nightmare Sans#Remember when I said I wouldn't have that comic done? Sike I finished it earlier#Anyway you ever accidentally name a guy and don't realise until years later when he brings it up#Killer loves it because he feels special for getting his own name that's not just his au#(and also because he wants to be Nightmare's favourite and this is his evidence)#Nightmare hates this. He did NOT mean to name his henchman like a pet he feels awful#Maybe down the road Dream can convince him how much Killer loves it and he'll let it go#Killer absolutely hates being called sans he doesn't want to think about his old life#So the new job and name were kind of just what he needed at the start#Anyway I'm rambling. I just thought it was interesting Killer was one of the few to not be named for his au#And given the name it might be something Nightmare had a hand in#He also helped him find his signature look with the inverted clothes colours but we'll get to that another time this is already too long
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Shotaro dance break because jesus christ just look at him go
[RIIZE - Boom Boom Bass Relay Dance]
#this is not sped up nor slowed down this man is just LIKE THIS NATURALLY#ever watch something and just be like WELL I MUST GIF THIS AND I HAVE NO CHOICE because like goddamn Taro#Taro was one of the best 4th gen dancers when he was in NCT and now he's the best 5th gen dancer FIGHT ME#don't actually fight me just look at him go and know i speak the truth#he looks so happy though this whole video#i just wanna squeeze his cheeks and give him a plate of cookies and tell him how good of a job he does#LOOK AT HIM GO#my lil baby otter boi#there's another bit of him and sungchan i'm gonna gif too#i just had to get this one done first#i like riize but i admit i'm a sungtaro fan first and foremost i can't help it#i also am a big softie for eunseok and seunghan if they ever let seunghan out of the basement#too much of an nctzen to not be like this sorry not sorry#shotaro#osaki shotaro#大崎将太郎#riize shotaro#riize#boom boom bass#mia gifs riize things#mia gifs relay dance things#mia gifs kpop things#mia gifs things
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I'm gonna be honest with you guys, the urge to do the same thing I did with the oitd silhouettes, aka slap text posts onto the art with no knowledge of their canon personality other than what they did in the trailer and pulling from the fandom's perceived personality for them, for the new oxventure characters revealed in that trailer is so real
#and there was only reactions in the trailer#willowfine seems sweet and nice#robin kinda gives off pathetic boyfail to me (in a similar way to dob's pathetic boyfail energy) while also hiding something#lug's character art makes me think he's kinda cautious fsr#but Mike just smiling in the trailer makes me think he's pretty happy-go-lucky like Egbert#tho that could just be him talking with the team about a silly thing he's doing or during his character introduction in the actual episode#I have a similar situation with cressida#cressida's character art seems kinda annoyed and thinks she's above people like Prudence did#however Ellen seems scared or at least shocked or worried so cressida might actually be caring and kind like Ellen's other characters#then we have our new resident goth: happen#I kinda get the vibe that he's a more silent character that gets the job done quickly#like ice bear#but also maybe struggles with emotional connections#even if I'm wrong in my vibe guessing I'm sure I'll like them#I'm already slapping aroace headcanons on some of them#them being happen lug and willowfine#maybe cressida too#actually if I think too much about it I'm just gonna slap aroace headcanons on all of them#so they're all aroace unless I'm proven otherwise aka if I think another headcanon fits better#not a text post#this was gonna be a delete later but a lot of my thoughts are in the tags now#oxventure
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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I got home, put my pajamas on, carried around my Barn Owl plush(Kiev(also Soren but originally and forever Kiev)), restarted the dryer, and then went upstairs to immediately go outside on the deck and literally chill. Then came back inside 'cause I don't want frostbite and scrolled on here.
I've reached my people limit far faster this time and it's a miracle if I make it through the holidays with committing murder.
#I haven't carried Kiev around like i did for about a year#and the last time is just short of a year when a tentative friend fucking lost him at target for a week and i genuinely considered cutting#off the friendship because of it#it does not help that my chronic pain was flaring BAD in january so I was already in a bad mood#this plushie is so precious to me#I bought him myself at the National Archives in Washington DC almost 4 years ago next year on the first day when overstimulation was being#a bitch.#like fuck I'm letting him go anytime soon#you can pry him from my cold dead hands#I'm so done with people but i have another week before Christmas and i work in retail#this next week is only gonna get bussier and im gonna hate it#might wait through the new year before quitting and getting a new job#I fucking need it
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i love my husband but im gonna murder him if he defers moving out of nyc for one more goddamn month
#we were supposed to leave in AUGUST!!!!#it is DECEMBER!!!#our last move date was jan 25 2025 and guess who wants to stay in nyc until the end of feb?? JUST GUESS#HINT: ITS NOT ME!!!#im so angry#why can't we get out of here#this is an expensive hellhole#our management co doesn't do shit and we keep getting pests and they won't do repairs#and there's no fucking jobs and groceries cost an arm and a leg and we can't afford to pay my medical bills cause of all the money#we have to spend on rent and food and we can't travel and we can't raise a baby here- we can't even get a second cat!- and i just#i'm done#i'm so done#he keeps saying how excited he is to finish his phd and move on with our lives and here we are. still not done with the phd almost SEVEN#years into a FIVE YEAR PROGRAM#not moving on with our lives in the slightest#now his mother wants to pay our rent because his school isn't gonna pay him anymore to do his phd since it's gone on so long#and i dont WANT her charity i dont WANT to rely on her for ANYTHING#especially because of how she's treated me in the past#but i have no choice if we're staying here another month or two!! fuck!!#i hate it here i hate it im gonna walk into the fucking ocean
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MIRRORED WALLS CHAPTER ONE IS HERE!!!!!!!!!
The wait is over! Come and get it!!!! I'm very excited for this fic and I hope you are too :)
#oops this took longer than i thought it would#first chapter is also longer than i thought it would be but future chapters wont be as long#i have another chapter in the drafts ready to post too#no idea how regular updates will be because in a week i'm moving across the country and starting a big boy job#but i am determined so gosh dang it it will get done#enjoy!!!!!!#just dance#just dance 2024#jacklust#wanderrose
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mandatory disclaimer that i'm new in town and refuse to watch past episode six but. just from where i'm standing. i'm pretty sure the intended situation is that sherlock (the character) is a terrible *actor* but an excellent *liar*, and that's such a fun piece of characterisation. like... he can't be anyone but himself. but he CAN significantly mislead you about what "being himself" means.
#bad actor examples: 'old friend' of plane crash victim in TGG and 'priest' in ASIB#(in both of which you can hear his disdain for the part he's playing)#(yes this could just be lack of respect for his audience + knowing that audacity gets the job done. but i'm not convinced it's that simple)#(i think it might be another case of choosing to look disdainful rather than admitting to a weakness. even subconsciously)#('it's not that i can't - it's that i refuse to.' is it though?)#good liar examples are numerous but TRF is one of the most extensive#TRF phonecall is notable but also very close to what he's feeling anyway#but there's also an opposite in the same episode: pretending to be indifferent to mrs hudson's imminent death#and flatly saying 'alone protects me' while sending john away to protect HIM...#hmm. maybe all his good lies are just redirections of a truth or half truth. idk i should look into that#a lot of it will hinge on how you read ASIB though i think. which is a whole can of worms.#consulting detective tag
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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i have depriving myself down to an art form
#why am i like this??#why do I keep breaking my own heart?#apparently I've also got to finish the job by posting into the abyss#wish someone would fix me cos this cycle ain't stopping#(missed out on adopting yet another rescue dog I had my heart set on)#i should be fine with this cos I said I wanted to give a home to a dog who had trouble finding one#or who would struggle with inexperienced owners#and this dog was rehomed in just days so he clearly didn't need me#but after the extreme grief of losing my last dog to cancer it's been really hard for me to find a dog I'm ready to commit to#(especially in my town cos I'm just not a staffy/pig dog person and that's 99.99% of dogs here)#and I don't know when it's going to happen again#I finally got ready to hit that button to enquire and then got the news on page reload. it hurts#the other dog I like is too far away to meet and would hate the 2-day car ride back.#he's been getting overlooked for too long. but he's also like 30+kg which dramatically increases his ongoing cost of care#and I'm still trying to find work. (I could have afforded looking after the little guy inc. in any emergencies with my savings)#anyway I have to pick myself up cos my nieces have asked me to [“help them”] train their big unruly dog#that it was 100% irresponsible of my sister to get#but as usual she gets to have whatever she wants and everyone else has to pick up the pieces#and then I get to hate myself for growing bitter from being responsible and caring about the situation I put others in (ppl and dogs)#anyway gonna go cry myself to sleep#maybe one day I'll get sane and stop my belief in “signs from the universe” to guide me re: whether it's ok to let myself have something#(after I've done the logic math)
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I keep getting rejected from conventions that I've been doing for multiple years this year and I heard on Friday that I didn't get Scotland Comic Con, which I've relied on for the last two years to be able to pay my fucking rent over the winter when there's no events, and it makes me want to scream because what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?? I'm making new stuff reasonably regularly, I make really good sales when I get into cons, I go out of my way to be reliable and show up on time and do everything they want exhibitors to do, and it's just flat rejection after flat rejection, sometimes without even the courtesy of a spot on a waiting list or a cursory 'sorry, we got a lot of applicants and we've got limited space'.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I don't think I even am doing anything wrong, I'm just getting repeatedly fucked over by event organisers who just see me as a way of increasing their own ticket sales rather than a human being trying to make a living.
And, like, part of me gets that I've been doing this for a while and folks who are new to it deserve a chance to get a foot in the door, but my ability to be charitable runs out when the biggest convention in the country decides no, we don't have enough room in our fuck-off huge venue for everyone so bye, fuck you, that ~15% of your yearly income that you rely on making at this con is just going up in smoke.
I like doing conventions, I'm good at it and it's fun, but it's getting Really Fucking Stressful to have my ability to eat and pay bills decided increasingly arbitrarily by the same five events companies who don't seem to give the slightest shit about anyone.
And I don't know what to do about it because the reason I'm doing this is because I'm too fucking autistic to get a real job, and I got kicked to the kerb by the benefits lot a few years ago because that system's fucking broken too, and the more effort I put in the less work I seem to actually get and frankly I want to fucking break something
#not having a very good time right now folks#not getting into cons is just a fact of doing this job#but this one has really fucked me over#i don't know why i didn't get it because they don't tell you these things#there's no waiting list no nothing#two years i've done this con. three if you count 2019 as well#it's the biggest one in scotland it's 15 minutes from my flat#i can't afford to get to england so i Need this one to make a living#but fuck me apparently#i am Enormously screwed and i'm still too freaked out to work out what i'm going to do about it#and to cap it all off i had car and computer repairs to deal with this past week#and i don't have another con until the end of august#so i'm going to have to wipe out my pitiful savings just to make rent and bills until then#i could just about have survived if i knew i had that reliable income in october#but now i don't and i have no idea how i'm going to make it through the winter quiet season#AND i'm helping my flatmate out with food costs until her student loans start back up again#which i'm going to have to stop doing because i can't afford it anymore#so this fucks over both of us in the short term#i'm going to find a way to manage but i just. i need to scream for about a week first#personal stuff
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looking forward to yet another day of pain and misery tomorrow
#cries in bad knee making it nearly impossible to walk at times making steps on stairs suffering#turning into hip being off balance and aching leading to back fucked up enough that breathing hurts at times#but hey.. just another day in the life that you're supposed to love#I hate it here in chronic pain and joint ache land#if I was 20 or 30 years older I'd mind less but this has been going on since I was 16 and been getting progressively worse#and I'm just so done sometimes#can't work the job I used to love anymore. these days even sitting hurts so I'm not looking forward to my new job either#I just want to be old enough so that I can reasonably retire and do only nice things instead of suffer on top of being in pain#a day in the life of..
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leaving and my boss said "have a good weekend enjoy your ~extra~ day off" and i said "thanks sorry about that" because while the bus schedule is saving me from working on monday he and my coworker will be doing a knee repair and shit but actually i'm not sorry. at all. get fucked
#horrible emotionally taxing day we had to put down a puppy with lethal birth defects dx a cat with chf (? i don't actually know because he#doesn't fucking tell me anything but it had chest fluid and was sent home with lasix) and pts another (half dead already but still) cat#and he was pissy as hell for no reason again#almost started crying multiple times throughout the day#also there was a cryptorchid akita who wouldn't stop pissing on fucking everything and had no manners#and he tried to nibble on me in the parking lot because i wasn't letting him run all over the place#and the whole day was awful and nervewracking because my boss loves to sit on his ass as much as possible and he'll do like one patient here#and one there and never tells me his fucking plans so like today it was 11:30 and he had only looked at two or three patients and i was like#omfg dude we have to get shit done. and then he'll get pissy because bills aren't done at noon MF YOU HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT THEM YET!!!#and then hes procrastinating calling people he has to talk to and then hes bitching because people want to talk to the vet and ask questions#and he doesn't want to do his job and thinks his precious time is tooooooooo good for people like his “clients” who “pay him money for it”#fucking asshole. ok i'm done#me
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still thinking about starting a career but I'm stumped on what to pick. My disability puts things like nursing off the table even though the pay is very tempting
#i really want a computer job tbh#but i suuuuuck at stuff like coding or IT#in the meantime i was thinking about taking a second job for data entry on my days off but I've never done that either#i just need to get everything straight cause it feels like my body won't last another decade doing what I'm doing now
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.
#all i do on tunglr is little vent posts lately#anyways im tired of being so uncomfortable and unhappy all the time#if i'm lucky i can distract myself for a little while but i always come back to it#i really really miss my adhd meds!#i just feel like a stupid dumb idiot because i can't do anything!!!!#:O mfw my disability disables me#but it really is soooo fucked#everywhere i look i see things that used to bring me so much joy but they're also big missed opportunities!#because everything just falls apart in my hands#i can't Lock In to anything#my life just never starts?#i need my independence i need to live on my own#but as a real life zombie i could not possibly hold down a job that would afford me that rn#i dont want to waste any more time but i do need a chill 3 week coma#i need to be put in a sensory deprivation tank for 4 days#i need another media detox probably but i'd still be equally unable to get anything done#i need to go live on a mountain
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