#angst with HEA

[greeneyessmize]

Today's thoughts are of the youth of Penelope & Colin and how it affects their relationship, specifically: how they fight.

Penelope is maybe 20 at most. Colin is perhaps 23.

They are also a part of the upper class. This allows them essentially a longer childhood in some ways for the era. They are emotionally pretty on par with a somewhat shy and sheltered 18 year old today who has never had a relationship and a 20 year old college kid who was also a bit hiddenly shy but has dated around a bit.

This means that neither of them have ever had to compromise on a larger, but intimate, and more important scale.

They don't know how to fight from a place of common goal. This is what they have to learn together.

I am going into detail with how this affects multiple scenes, so here is a cut for everyone. :)

Pen & Colin only know fighting with siblings, parents, friends, and enemies. So they know fight against, not fight for.

Penelope specifically only knows how to fight by false retreat and full opposition.

Her false retreat is seen most clearly in her use of Lady Whistledown. This is where she cocoons herself outwardly but lets her anger fly using precisely cloaked arrows. Her LW comments on Colin's fakeness upon his return to Mayfair showed a lethal strike.

Her full opposition fights are seen in her arguments with Eloise, both over her yelling that yes she does want to be married some day and then when Eloise confronted her about being LW, and then in her fights with Colin over LW.

When she and Colin fight in the middle of the street the night before their wedding, Pen goes full opposition, even going up on the high step to put her on the same level as Colin as much as possible. She does not retreat, she does not shrink. She goes conflict blow to conflict blow with him. She apologizes but does not bend or break. There is no compromise to be found because they are fighting against, not for. As one raises their voice, the other matches. There will not be a winner, but they don't know that.

Colin's fighting styles are either full shutdown, or like Pen, full opposition.

His full opposition fight with Pen in the middle of the street shows that he also will not back down. Each thing Pen says, he counters until she loudly declares the one thing he can't refute: that she loves him.

You also see that he is unwilling to compromise in his full shutdowns. He won't even try to talk to Pen after they are married during the nights and mornings where he places himself on the settee. He doesn't know how to say what he desperately needs to express to her in any constructive way. So. He stays on the settee, as close as he can to Pen, but unable to engage with her.

When she tries to engage with him, like at the review of the wedding breakfast planning, and it is she who makes the majority of the attempts, Colin still only knows how to go full opposition and/or full shutdown. Pen tries to answer him honestly when he asks if she will end LW because she really doesn't know. But since he can't give her grace to understand her on this... It only leads to more teary eyes and more distance.

On their wedding day, their tenuous truce after the middle of the street argument is broken in their fight after the Queen's threats. Here we see Penelope go full opposition and proclaim clearly and for the first time that she is Whistledown. And then Colin ultimately reacts with full shutdown, saying he will sleep on the sofa/settee.

The morning after their wedding, Colin is teary-eyed, taking tea fully dressed on the settee where he clearly spent the night. He leaves Penelope abruptly while she is still undressed for the day, intending to leave her out of his plans for the day. He definitely saw she was upset by this. I do wonder if that gave him a bit of dark satisfaction.

When Penelope comes to Bridgerton House to inform Colin of Cressida's blackmailing, Penelope gives way when Colin focuses his full opposition towards Cressida instead of her. Granted it takes a few times of being ignored, but she doesn't yell and ultimately lets it go. You can see that it hurts her to let Colin disregard her wishes, but she still ultimately allows it until he messes it all up. In this debacle they both learned to step back from full opposition between each other.

Penelope realized that even when it does not end well, sometimes she must let Colin have his way. Colin realized that not listening to Pen is where mistakes are made. Neither of them are yelling anymore.

Then comes the day of Francesca and John's wedding. It's not until she doesn't give him the reaction he thinks he wants that morning, as he is forlornly laying on the settee... that we see a shift. She does not react with regret or sadness or pain or anger. Pen is calm, cool, collected. She says she will spare him the confined shared carriage to Bridgerton House. She breezes out of his reach while he is still processing this new development.

Colin takes an important step by going to reread all of Penelope's letters. This is something he did not do in anger. He did this so he could gain perspective. This is his realization that full shutdown is ineffective and is not doing anything he wants or needs.

Penelope also is taking a step forward. She recognizes that false retreat and cloaked attacks are only increasing her own damage. She appeals to Colin with earnestness and honesty after the wedding of Francesca & John. She and he both refrain from moving into full opposition fighting this time. They are listening to each other. Colin asks what Penelope needs from him. She answers with everything he has needed to hear. He tells her what he needs, she listens. They are looking at a common goal. She moves forward with her plan to confess to the queen.

Then after her confession to the Ton at the Butterfly Ball, Penelope does the one thing for Colin that she can think of to heal the wounds of their fighting: she offers to let him go.

This is not something either of them ever wanted. But Penelope offers it because she truly feels, that with their very little communication through this, that Colin must want freedom from her. She cannot see through the pain they have inflicted on one another.

Colin immediately recognizes that now is the moment he must say everything in his heart. He has a moment of panic, of potential loss. Through everything he has always wanted and loved Penelope. He just had no idea how to show it while he was also angry. But now he has let go of his anger, and he will deal with it better should it happen that he is angry again.

Colin does what he needs to most. He tells her everything he is feeling. They are honest with each other. They have their common goal. They won the fights together.

[idiot-mushroom]

i’ve been thinking, the ttnm boys aren’t used to nice new people

@phykoha

for more shenanigans help tie us and vote ttnm here!!

[allyricas]

there's just something so delicious about friends-to enemies-to lovers

barely teenage steve and eddie who have a devastating end to what they both thought would be a forever friendship. maybe it's a misunderstanding or maybe it's just teenage angst that felt impossible to fix in the moment.

but i am feral over the idea that the only reason steve ever became 'king steve' strutting around with tommy and carol with his aloof, semi-mean girl attitude was because of the falling out with eddie. that he did it so he didn't feel so much hurt over it. still has no idea what he did to make eddie suddenly hate him.

same with eddie. he definitely liked metal and nerdy shit all along, but maybe he only leaned into the whole 'forced conformity, it's what's killing the kids' freak persona to guard himself. as armor. because he fucking misses steve as much as he hates him. so he glares and makes snarky comments. finds his solace in DnD and his band.

they fight with words and shoulder shoves in the hallway. each of them too proud to ever talk it out and fix things. to the point that their peers don't remember that steve and eddie used to be inseparable. everyone but steve and eddie forget the obvious affection and closeness they once shared.

it takes a bunch of freshmen to put them back into each other's orbit.

it takes the upside down, a dead cheerleader and an evil wizard for them to actually get along again.

because steve is meant to hate eddie but the moment he sees the trailer and hears the word 'murder' he feels like he might throw up.

Please, god, not eddie.

only to find out he supposedly murdered chrissy cunningham. despite all the animosity between the two of them, steve knows in his soul that eddie would never kill anyone.

even when he's against a wall with sharp glass pressed to his neck, heart racing as he looks into the eyes he tries not to think about, steve knows that eddie won't actually hurt him.

steve has the urge to stay with eddie at the lake house and make sure nothing else happens to him. instead, he stops forcing himself to be an asshole towards eddie. it's exhausting and he's never truly meant it anyways. the upside-down shit is threatening the one person he hoped would never be a part of it.

it takes eddie watching steve get pulled under lover's lake and attacked by demon bats to realize that the biggest misunderstanding was of his own thirteen year old self's feelings. that he could've lost steve and he'd have never even told him the truth of why he let their friendship implode over such a ridiculous misunderstanding.

that he wanted more than friendship and that scared the hell out of him at thirteen.

he sees steve bleeding and throwing himself into danger over and over. realizes that yeah, steve harrington is a good guy. his own personal munson doctrine is fundamentally flawed and untrustworthy and he's in love with this stupidly brave man, maybe since forever.

make him pay means i'm sorry, i love you, please be safe, come back.

it takes eddie nearly dying and his steve carrying him out of hell for eddie to realize that steve never hated him either. that what eddie always views as aloofness and superiority was hurt and steve trying to deal. regardless of whatever lays in the past, steve holds him together with his hands and begs eddie to stay. whispers that he loves him, always has loved him, always will love him.

eddie thinks about all the years they lost due to teenage angst and fear. fights to keep his eyes open and stay, because steve his sobbing and begging him not to go.

and when eddie finally wakes up in the hospital, it's steve and uncle wayne next to him. steve won't leave his side, maybe ever again. neither of them with any desire to ever look at each other with anything but love.

[sikyulioness]

-The Web of Regret and Love-

---

Sung Jin-Woo had always been a man who prided himself on his decisions. The greatest Hunter, the Shadow Monarch, someone who had conquered dungeons, defeated powerful enemies, and saved countless lives. But even with all of his strength, even with all the power he had gained, there was one decision he would forever regret—the decision to let Y/N go.

Y/N had always been there for him, supporting him from the shadows, never asking for anything in return. She had been his partner in more ways than one—both in the battlefield and in life. When the world seemed too dark, too lonely, she was his light. She had believed in him when no one else did. And he had fallen in love with her, but at the time, he hadn't realized just how deeply.

But everything changed when Cha Hae-In entered his life.

Hae-In was strong, confident, and someone who fit perfectly into the dangerous world that Jin-Woo inhabited. She was a hunter just like him, one of the strongest in the world, and her power drew him in like a magnet. For a while, Jin-Woo told himself it was just admiration, just respect for someone who could stand beside him in battle. But the admiration quickly grew into something more, and before he knew it, he was caught in a whirlwind of emotions that he couldn't control. He was torn between two women—the one who had always been there for him and the one who seemed to fit into his world so perfectly.

And so, he made the choice.

He chose Hae-In.

In his mind, it made sense at the time. Hae-In was strong, like him. They could be equals. They could build something together, something stronger. Y/N, on the other hand, had always been just a little too fragile, a little too human. He had convinced himself that Hae-In was the better choice, the safer choice.

But when he told Y/N, the hurt in her eyes nearly broke him. She had always been the one who understood him, the one who saw through his facade, the one who loved him without expecting anything in return. Yet, in that moment, he had chosen someone else. The decision felt like a betrayal, but he couldn’t take it back. It was done.

Y/N didn’t cry. She didn’t beg him to stay. Instead, she nodded, her expression cold, distant. "If that’s what you want," she had said softly, and then, without another word, she walked away.

Jin-Woo watched her go, feeling a knot in his chest that wouldn’t loosen, a weight that would never leave. But he had Hae-In now, and he told himself that everything would be okay.

However, as the days went on, he realized that everything was far from okay.

At first, it had seemed perfect. Hae-In was by his side, supporting him in every raid, every mission. She was strong, reliable, and beautiful, and the two of them worked seamlessly together. But no matter how many missions they completed, no matter how many times they fought side-by-side, something felt missing.

Jin-Woo found himself thinking of Y/N constantly, even though he tried to push her from his mind. He remembered her soft smile, the way she had always been there for him. There was a warmth in her that Hae-In didn’t have, a connection that Jin-Woo had taken for granted.

But it wasn’t just nostalgia. It was more than that. Jin-Woo began to realize that, no matter how strong and capable Hae-In was, she wasn’t Y/N. She wasn’t the person who had truly understood him, who had supported him when he was weak, when he was just a low-ranked hunter struggling to survive in a dangerous world.

He missed Y/N.

Days turned into weeks, and Jin-Woo’s regret grew deeper. He tried to ignore it, tried to push it down, but the weight of his decision never left him. He started making mistakes in missions—small things at first, like a misstep or a missed strike—but it was enough to make him question his ability to lead. He wasn’t the same. His confidence was faltering, his focus slipping. And no matter how many times he turned to Hae-In, it didn’t fix the ache in his chest.

The feeling that something was missing.

It wasn’t until one evening that he finally acknowledged the truth. He was walking through the streets after a raid when he saw her—Y/N. She was standing in front of a café, laughing with a man he didn’t recognize. They were talking, casually, as if they had known each other for years. The man’s hand was on her shoulder, and Y/N’s eyes were sparkling with happiness.

A surge of jealousy coursed through Jin-Woo’s veins. But it wasn’t just jealousy—it was fear. Fear that Y/N had moved on, that she was no longer waiting for him, that she no longer cared.

And in that moment, he realized just how much he had lost.

Y/N wasn’t just a part of his past; she had been the one person who truly knew him. She had believed in him when no one else did, and he had let her go for someone who, despite all her strength, didn’t understand him the way Y/N did.

He needed her back.

Jin-Woo couldn’t shake the feeling that he had made the wrong choice. Hae-In, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, was not the woman who had completed him. That woman was Y/N.

Determined to make things right, Jin-Woo sought out Y/N. He found her in a quiet park, sitting alone on a bench. The moment she saw him, her face hardened. She didn’t say anything, but the coldness in her gaze spoke volumes. She had moved on. She had healed, and she didn’t need him anymore.

Jin-Woo stepped forward, his voice tight with emotion. "Y/N... I was wrong. I chose the wrong person. I chose her because I thought she could be what I needed, but... she’s not you. You were the one who always understood me. You were the one who was there when no one else was. Please, give me another chance."

Y/N’s expression remained unchanged. "It’s too late, Jin-Woo," she said quietly. "You made your choice, and I’m not going to be your second choice. You can’t just come back after you’ve broken me."

Jin-Woo’s heart sank. He reached out, but Y/N took a step back, shaking her head. "I can’t do this again. You don’t get to break my heart and then decide you want me back when it’s convenient for you. I’m not some prize you can claim when you’ve grown tired of the other one."

Tears welled in his eyes as he realized the depth of his mistake. He had thought that time would heal everything, that he could go on with his life and forget what he had done. But he couldn’t.

He had lost her.

And it was his fault.

Y/N turned away from him, walking away with the grace that had always been part of her. She didn’t look back, and Jin-Woo stood frozen, watching her disappear into the distance. He had wanted her back, but the truth was, she had already moved on.

He was alone now, with only the regret of his actions to keep him company.

---

[curiousityoctaves]

Preview/proof I am still writing this elusive story. Read chapters 1-3 here.

Chapter 4

The garden floor bit into his knees as he slipped from the bench and knelt at her feet. The silk of her dressing gown bunched between his fingers where he clutched it, holding on to any piece of her he could.

“What?” Colin finally managed to whisper. 

Penelope’s aquamarine eyes widened, startled as she took in his position on the ground. Moonlight and tears made her whole countenance glimmer. Bravely, she lifted her chin.

“An annulment,” she repeated, voice quiet yet unflinching, as if she had no notion of how the word wrenched through his chest. 

His lips parted, but no sound emerged—only the sharp, stifling rush of breath that filled the hollow space inside of him. Then they closed. Once. Twice. Three times. 

“I—I know it would not mend all that has passed between us,” she continued, her voice weary. “But perhaps it could mitigate the worst of the damage.”

“Damage?” The word felt foreign, wrong in his mouth.

Penelope closed her eyes, as if fortifying herself. 

“Your family,” she said softly. “You said as long as I am Whistledown, my lies will hang over all of you.”

His jaw twitched. He had said that. On their wedding day.

When a fear like nothing he had ever known coursed through his veins. 

His fingers had still been tingling from the exquisite softness beneath them—his newly wedded wife’s cheek—while the faint scent of lemonade lingered on her lips, coaxing him closer… And then the Queen of England herself had descended upon their wedding breakfast, leaving utter ruination in her wake.

Their moment in the center had shattered in an instant, obliterated by Her Majesty’s zealous fervor to rout out Whistledown, root and stem. 

His hands clenched at the memory. He had not known what to do. How to shield Penelope from the Queen’s inquisition. How to navigate the trap closing in around them. 

It had been Anthony’s assurances that finally put the Queen off, but Colin had known it would not be for long. 

Penelope was his beloved friend. His wife. The young lady he had sworn to always look after.

And yet he had no notion how. Not then. Not now.

“I know it is not an ideal solution,” she continued, faltering as she misread the anger on his face. “No matter how we go about it, there will be talk.”

Her gaze grew calculating, determined.

“But I think, if all goes to plan, it is possible to extract you with relatively little damage to the Bridgerton name.”

[spacequokka]

What More (Can I Do)

Pairing: bff!Felix x Reader Genre: College AU, fluff, angst Rating: G Summary: When he refuses to let you spend another minute alone. Word Count: 1.3k Warnings: Bookworm gets dragged outside, the horror. Not so secret pining.

A/N: That's right, another title ripped from a Christmas song. This one's too easy, though.

Felix had always been the adventurous type with an enthusiasm that seemed to spread like wildfire. But this year was different. After a grueling college semester, you'd become a hermit, buried in textbooks and self-doubt. You'd turned down his last three invitations to hang out, and he missed you something terrible. With Christmas approaching, he refused to let you spend another minute locked away. He'd drag you outside kicking and screaming if it came down to it.

On Christmas Eve, Felix arrived at your apartment with a bright red scarf and an armful of hot cocoa to-go cups. "Come on, _____! You can't avoid socializing forever," he said as he wrapped the scarf around your neck. Once you were sufficiently bundled up and armed with hot liquid, he tugged you from the warmth of your home and out into the brisk air of dusk.

As you strolled through the neighborhood, festive lights twinkled like stars against the night sky. Felix pointed out various displays—the houses adorned with candy canes and reindeer, while others featured animated snowmen that danced to holiday tunes.

"I wonder what their light bill looks like." He mused as he took a sip of his cocoa.

You thought about it, doing some quick math in your head. "Has to be at least 300 bucks. I doubt they cut them off before sunrise."

"Jeez." He chuckled. "Too rich for my wallet. I'd rather spend the money on some elaborate dinner. Speaking of which," he turned to you, "Chris is expecting us to stop by tomorrow. He's saving a plate for you."

You ducked your head, avoiding the warmth in his gaze. "I don't deserve it. I just dropped off the face of the earth without a word to anyone. I'm a shitty friend."

He put an arm around your shoulders and guided you along. "You are not. We understand what it's like to get swamped with work. Adulting is hard as fuck, and I think you're doing a kick-ass job." He rubbed your arm. "It's okay to prioritize things, and as your best friend, it's my job to make sure you don't forget you're not alone. I'll always be here to pull you out of your little bubble."

You looked up at him and waited until he was looking at you to say, "Thank you, Lixie. You're the best."

"No thanks needed. Just remember this when it's me hiding away from the world. I'd want you to come save me, too." He smiled brightly, making you smile too, something he'd missed and didn't realize he'd come to depend on.

Felix led you towards the town square where an enormous tree stood tall and proud, draped in thousands of glittering lights. The square was alive with families enjoying hot chocolate and carolers singing familiar tunes. He thought he heard you humming along, but when he looked at you, you were drinking the rest of your cocoa with a smirk.

"You know what we need?" He pulled his phone out of his coat pocket. "A selfie! Jisung and Minho have a bet going on about how long it'd be before you'd be a certified shut-in. Being able to say 'I told you so' to Min has to be the best gift a person can get." He pulled you over to the tree and pulled you close. His cheek felt hot against yours as he positioned the camera to capture the gigantic tree in the background.

"Is that the real reason you came over?" You asked jokingly before smiling when he snapped the picture.

"What? No, of course not." He looked at you. "I missed you like crazy. Hanging out with the guys is great and all, but you have a spot in my heart too, y'know." He looked away with a shy smile. "Hyunjin said I looked like a lost puppy without you around, and though I was a little offended at first, I realized he wasn't wrong." He shrugged. "Jeongin mentioned his family wanting to do a Christmas lights tour and I kinda just ran with that."

You gently bumped his shoulder with yours. "It's okay, Lixie. I know you love me."

He froze for a second, panic turning his veins to ice and sending his heart galloping in his chest. When you turned away and looked at the tree with an awed smile, he realized you weren't serious. The panic turned into a familiar yearning he'd learned to live with long ago.

"I didn't realize I missed this…connection with living life. Feels like I'm exhaling stress and loneliness and I feel so amazing." You turned back to him, eyes alight with joy that hadn't been there when you first opened the door. "I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough."

You held out your hand, and his heart stuttered. He took it without a second thought, immediately savoring the feel of your skin against his. Felix would never say it out loud, but this moment, that look in your eyes, would be the best present he'd ever get. He was sure of it.

When you spotted the cafe famous for its cookies, you turned to him with a hopeful smile. He didn't need to say anything, a simple nod was enough to have you pulling him towards it. Over steaming cups of coffee topped with whipped cream and two warm large chocolate chip cookies, you opened up about your struggles with studies and how you weren't sure you could endure another semester like the last one. Felix listened intently, offering encouragement and brainstorming ways to get through the next semester without getting overwhelmed.

"I think the most important thing is remembering that you're not alone." He touched your hand. "You have the guys—Seungmin's good at tutoring. You have your teachers and counselors. And most importantly, you have me. I may not know the answers, but I'll do everything I can to help you find them. It's okay to lean on others for support. You're not weak or incapable. It gives others a chance to show you how much they care. Just like you do for us."

God, he didn't mean to make you cry. He dabbed at your tears with his thumbs, then pulled you in for a hug. As your choked sobs dialed back to quiet sniffles, he understood just how bad things had gotten. With a cloud as heavy as the one over your head, it made sense that you'd closed in on yourself. What else could a person do? His precious flower was wilting under the downpour. He couldn't help himself as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. You sighed deeply and pulled away.

"Thank you," you whispered. "I needed this more than I realized. Doesn't feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore." Your smile was a little watered down, but he didn't mind.

He grazed your cheek with the back of his hand. "Anytime."

As you walked back home under the shimmering streetlights, he could tell you felt lighter than you had in weeks—filled not only with holiday spirit but also with renewed hope for yourself and the coming year. Every time you looked at him, there was a genuine smile on your face that made you more and more endearing. It was hopeless for him. He'd never be able to shake his feelings for you.

[ghostieblr]

<- Part 1 | Untitled | Part 3 ->

"Everything is fine," is what Stiles says when he wakes up, six hours later. He's not bleeding, he doesn't have any wounds on him, but Derek can't shake the feeling that the statement is false. By all logical means, Stiles is fine.

But when has his life ever been logical? There was no rhyme nor reason for Stiles to have come to the Loft in the first place, and then for him to fall asleep.

Derek nods. "Water?" His question is met with a solemn nod, and this, too, feels wrong. Stiles' eyes are different, somehow. He is different, when he wasn't, before. Before that demon put its slimy hands on Stiles, its twisted lips onto Stiles'.

When Stiles willingly gave up his most precious thing to it.

Derek brings back a glass of water from the kitchen, and finds Stiles on the couch instead of Derek's bed. He pivots when he realizes this, and it irks him, this change of places. Not just because Stiles should be resting, they don't know what's gonna happen after a deal is made with a demon like this, but because not once has Stiles ever relocated himself from Derek's bed. Not after something like this happens, which happens quite often.

It irks him, he realizes with a sudden clarity, not because Stiles shouldn't be exerting himself — but because this feels like he's removing himself from Derek's space.

It's stupid, maybe, but it is how he is feeling.

Stiles drinks the whole glass in one gulp, and Derek tries not to stare at his neck, soft and bare, where he could —

"Are you okay?" He asks again, and again Stiles replies that he is. Frustrated, he growls out, "You just made a fucking deal with a demon, Stiles, you're not okay! You gave that thing your most precious thing."

Stiles' smirk doesn't carry its usual nuance of playfulness and... something else, that's always there, when it is directed at him. This time, it's a cruel tilt of his plush lips, pink tainted with venom. "What the fuck do you care? It's not like you have to deal with the consequences."

Stiles puts down the glass on the coffee table, and the force of it rattles the papers — Stiles' assignment papers — off of it and onto the floor. Stiles bends down to pick them up, and Derek stares, because he has no clue what the fuck has changed.

Except, he's not the beast everyone thinks him to be. Sure, he's a caveman when it comes to technology, sometimes, but he isn't stupid.

He licks his lips, and this is it, he thinks. Stiles' eyes are downcast, searching for the one paper that Derek saw move under the couch, so it's easy to say it now. He doesn't want to see Stiles' face when his worst fears are confirmed.

"Stiles... what did I mean to you, before you took the deal?"

He has wondered, a million times over the billion seconds he's been alive, if the universe hates him. If he's patient zero for all of universe's cruel plans, the unlucky chap saddled with Lady Fortuna's fury. And right now, when Stiles' eyes snap up to his, he's sure that he was right.

Stiles' smirk turns, somehow, more cruel. He confesses, "Everything," and then with a laughter that sounds nothing like the warmth of the sun but everything like the absence of moonlight on his skin, he says, "And now you mean nothing to me. This is the happiest fucking day of my life, you know? I was so... burdened before."

Derek can't breathe. With the last of the air he can manage, he stutters out, "Get- Get out!"

Stiles still hasn't found that last page, and now, concern flashes across his face. But it's gone quickly, like it was never there.

He leaves that last bit of paper under the couch, unaware of its predicament, when he slides open the door to the Loft and heeds Derek's words. And Derek, well, he falls onto the couch, falling like a crumpled piece of paper, and like that fucking paper below the couch.

How does the saying go? It's better to have loved and lost rather than never having loved at all? What does this qualify as then, when apparently Stiles' most precious things had been... something about Derek, that's now gone, and he's acting like this?

Derek has loved Stiles for an amount of time he cannot quantify, and now he's lost Stiles, too. And it hurts like all of his limbs are tearing apart, all at once, and like his lungs are burning, and he's choking.

It would have been better if he'd never loved Stiles at all. Because this, whatever Stiles has become after that deal, is something Derek can't survive. He's lost too much already, and he's losing Stiles, too.

His anchor.

The one person whom he actually fucking trusts.

Of course this is happening to him. It's what he deserves, doesn't he? There's no debate about it. He's a sinner, a killer; he's made of pain and he's meant for pain. He is alive only because death would be the most peaceful option for him, and it's ironic that the person who had started to make him feel like maybe his life is worth something is making him feel like this.

Patient Zero, Derek Fucking Hale.

[jomiddlemarch]

The Pump Room was excruciating and the lovely golden Crescent a horror. There was no delight to be found in the gardens, no diversion over tea or cards, no lace or ribbon tempting. Anne’s reticule hung from her wrist and her eyes stared sightlessly at the great blue sky, the kestrels and sparrowhawks aloft. Dear Lady Russell was kind and her friend Sarah Follett was as amiable as when they had been at school together and it was all worthless. Anne had broken her heart herself, sending Frederick away, and nothing in Bath would soothe her. She’d never, never return.

Posted for Day 3 of Janeaury, prompt "Bath"

[hoeforsirius]

I FW HEAVY ANSGT

GIMME SOME RECS

[andthesunwillalwaysshine]

guess who just watched s7e11 and is not ok that is me me is who

that scene when buffy saves spike is so powerful and so touching, i think this is def in like top 5 most emotional spuffy moments in the whole show</3333333 buffy's gaze at what they've done to him, spike's slow look of realization, the smile of relief (the look of love too and buffy staring right back at him with all the care in the world (and love but...) the touch of confirmation, the arms around the neck/arms around the back walk out </33333

... s7 them are not letting my heart rest one second and even though i strongly have questioned the writers, whoever made sure s7 them happened thank you

[panlight]

I just read your post about how easily Bella was able to adjust to vampirism, and do you think it was has something to do with she had already tasted human blood before she turned?

like if we go for the eternal damnation angle, where after you're turned you're supposed to drain the life of the kind you belonged to but that doesn't happen to Bella nor does she suffer through it as she had already tasted Blood and thus had already damned herself therefore making her immune???

I mean I know Smeyer didn't go for that angle but this adds an added layer of depth and darkness to the whole "Eww Bella drank Human Blood and LIKED IT" and " Wow, Bella has adjusted so well to being a vampire" like i feel like it ties the whole thing up in a neat lil bow

I could get behind this! She's already tasted human blood, "screwed her total," as she said, before she even becomes a vampire, and so she's primed for it, she's already doomed. There's no angst because the vampire essence had already taken root. I could also accept that the James bite did something to her, or even the pregnancy had changed her in a way that made the adjustment to vampirism less of a shock to the system.

I still wouldn't love that it was such an easy, non-event though. I don't, personally, feel like becoming a supernatural creature with an insatiable blood thirst is something you can really "mentally prepare" for. Like sure, making the choice beforehand and being informed might take the edge off; it could remove a few of the layers of chaos and fear, and that could help. She's not waking up in a strange world surrounded by strange people like the others were. But it should still be hard. You're still dealing with all-new senses, all-new instincts, all-new painful bloodthirst. "I just thought about it and made up my mind not to eat people!" is such a boring explanation.

And also, for me, the whole thing I found compelling was this sort of impossibly difficult and painful self-denial the Cullens had going on. It's only interesting if it's difficult. Newborn!Carlisle banishing himself to the woods and trying to starve himself for months and then spending centuries perfecting his self-control enough to be a doctor is just WAY more interesting to me than Bella hanging out with her human dad on day 2 of vampirism. Alice wandering alone and trying to make sense of her visions and having only "sporadic success" at not eating people is a hundred times more interesting to me than newborn!Bella dressing up all sexy and going to meet a lawyer. The mental image of Carlisle, Edward, Esme and Rosalie ALL having to tackle newborn!Emmett to try and keep him from eating someone because he's so outrageously strong is way more compelling (and scary! and sad!) than Bella just getting "distracted" by Edward and not eating the hikers. Jasper still struggling with the bad habits he picked up in the vampire wars; Rosalie killing her attackers without spilling a drop of blood because she knew she wouldn't be able to resist that; lovely gentle Esme slipping up and killing people and having to come home to Dr. Perfect Record with red eyes. Edward going on his rebellion because he didn't want to be in pain any more. THAT's the stuff I find compelling, that's the stuff that sucked me into this series.

But totally! At least explain her success with some actual lore. She's already tasted blood, she's already been bitten, she's been somehow changed by the nightmare pregnancy. All of that is better than "mentally prepared." Or at the very very very least really make it clear her success was about her circumstances. It was easier for her because she was informed and supported, not because she's innately magic or unusually self-controlled.

[commanderbuffy]

While we don't have a chapter to share today as we're still clown shoe deep in edits—dotting every red nose and crossing every tightwire—@swashbucklery and I wanted to share a little sneak peek of chapter 9.

[tidbit-fanfic]

A/N: Finally finished this based off of a dream I had once upon a time. As always I do not own any named characters in this, except for the “reader”. Set in season 11, although Reader and Dean’s relationship has been well established before that. 

TW: no HEA, cannon level violence, swearing/language, kinda OOC!Dean, unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied smut (not explicit), blood (mentioned), spoilers for season 11, one use of y/n

I met the Winchesters after my college roommate passed away under unnatural circumstances. To make a long story short, a demon had decided that a college campus was the best place to set up shop, and nearly half of my dorm was harmed in the process. I did my best to help, despite having very little knowledge of such creatures, but I was willing to help. From that point on, I became a powerful ally to the brothers, and a formidable foe to the supernatural.

After Bobby’s death I stepped up full-time, becoming their go-to researcher for anything they were facing. Life was going fine, helping with research the best I could, working in the background against the Leviathan. 

Time blurred together, from helping the boys with the trials,fighting Metatron alongside Castiel, and along the way, something bloomed in between me and the eldest Winchester. What started as friendly teasing and taunting, morphed into actual flirting and soon enough, physical touch was involved. We were great, always backing the other when needed, even when the Mark of Cain became a third wheel in our relationship. Throughout it all, I stood beside him, forever and always. 

I waited for the boys at the hospital, standing on the steps as they helped Jenna out of the Impala. After helping them get her into a wheelchair, I checked them over, finding that there was no visible damage done to the brothers; the sheriff, however, was holding onto her side, her shirt covered in fresh blood. She tensed upon seeing me, her free hand inching toward her gun. I held my hands up in a defensive manner, intending to show no harm.“Normally, I’m the one grabbing the gun when approached.”

“Show us your neck.”

I furrow my brows, looking from her to the boys. Dean nods, and I reach down, pulling the collar of the turtle neck down. “Satisfied? Or do I need to conjure up a hickey or two?”

  Jenna relaxed, trying to look past me into the hospital. Dean grabbed my arm, dragging me just out of earshot of the other two. “I thought I told you not to worry about it.”

“Right, right, because that’s what you would do.”

“No, it’s just,” he ran his hand through his hair, huffing out air. “You know how I feel about you searching for trouble.” 

I snorted. “Honey, you’re all the trouble I need. But, I get it. My big, scary boyfriend is worried about me. Even though he knows how I can handle myself perfectly fine.” 

Dean opened his mouth, just as Sam interrupted. “What’s the state of the hospital? Where is everyone?”

“Dead. No pulse whatsoever.” Sam’s eyes took on a saddened glaze. I cocked my head towards the door, searching for an exit from the conversation. “Let’s get Sheriff Callie fixed-up then, shall we?”

All of us cautiously made our way into the hospital, wary of the chance of a rabid attacking at any point. The halls seemed way too quiet, the sounds of our beating hearts the only noise our ears intercepted. When we reached the exam room, Sam dismissed himself, searching for antibiotics for Jenna. Meanwhile, I stood to the side as Dean stitched the sheriff’s wound closed, watching the meticulous way he tended to her. Dean finished with his work, helping her down from the table, turning to me after. I crossed my arms, watching as he unrolled his sleeves. I looked to the sheriff, nodding to the room behind me. “There’s a comfortable chair in there, you should probably take a little break.”

“I’m fine.”

“You lost a lot of blood, I’m guessing?” I raised a brow as she looked away. “There’s some juice in the mini fridge and a couple granola bars in the lower drawer. Eat up, we don't need you passing out on us.”

She sighed, following my instructions and shuffled into the office. I shut the door behind her, regaining my composure before turning back to Dean. He busied himself with cleaning the area, avoiding eye contact with me.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“You know what.” I huffed, hoisting myself up onto the table next to him. “About you running away, and then suddenly there’s a code red in the area you distinctly were in? Oh, and how about the fact that you told your brother to take care of me? The girl you are in a relationship with?”

“Are we going to address you going against my specific orders to stay put?”

“God damnit, I was worried about you! You went to get yourself killed and didn’t even think to tell me goodbye in person!” I slammed my hand down onto the table, leaning into his face. “I swear sometimes I don’t recognize you anymore. Mark or not.”

He glared at me, irritated with the invasion of his personal space. “Maybe that’s because I’m not who I was.”

“Yeah, go figure.”

“No, you don’t get it. The Mark—”

“Fuck the Mark. You’re Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester. Even Hell trembles in the mention of your name. A stupid ass curse is the last thing I would expect to break you down.”

His jaw ticks as he looks to the ceiling, probably sending off a prayer to Cas for some sort of strength, to deal with me. “I am not the person I was before.”

“No, you're not. And you know what? That’s fine. We’ve been through worse than a fucking personality change. Shit, I ran from a demon you with a goddamn hammer in your hand. I’m sure if that didn’t turn me off from you, then nothing can.” I pushed the bag to the side, sliding over so I was in front of him. I reached my hand out, cupping his face as I looked deep into those emerald green eyes. “I’m in this till the end, you hear me? Forever and always.”

“Forever and always.” He sighs, pushing his face into my palm, before pulling me into an embrace. I wrap my arms around him, breathing in the scent that is so distinctly Dean, when Sam enters with a man holding a child. I pull away, eying the new editions to the room. 

“Sorry for interrupting, but we have company. I found them hiding from one of the infected.” Sam rushes out, nodding to the father. 

Jenna opens the door, joining us again, looking much better with the nutrients in her system. A look of recognition crossing her features. “Mike? Where’s…”

“She’s gone.” The father, Mike, looked down to the child, an expression of grief taking over his features. I slide off the table, pushing Dean back, crossing to him. The sheriff joins us, murmuring her condolences to Mike, who rocks his baby slightly. I step back, allowing the friends space as I check in with the brothers. Sam nods towards the father, the black veins creeping from the man's neck. Dean clears his throat, returning our attention. “We need to kill him.” 

“No, we don’t.” Sam states, exasperated with his blood.

“What are our other options then, because I don’t see many.” 

“There has to be some other way,” I reason, “he has a newborn, we shouldn’t even consider that.”

Sam backs me. “That’s true. This infection seems to have a time frame, the rabid in the hall, just died after some time. Maybe we have to wait it out.”

“Wait it out so he can attack us like the rest of us? No Sam, I can't let that happen.” 

I turn back to our company, not wanting to continue with this argument.  

Noticing the child fussing, I walk over, directly to the father. “May I?”

He nods, handing me the baby and I look down at her, cooing and rocking her in an attempt to calm her. Mike watches closely, ensuring his child's safety, and an ache rises in my chest at the action. Sam joins us, ignoring the child held in my arms. “We have a plan.”

“You have a plan, my plan was to kill him.”

“Dean.” I shoot him a glare, reminding him he is in the presence of the very person he wants to kill. He throws his hands up as Mike chimes in. 

“No, he’s right, it’s only a matter of time before I attack you all. I’ll leave, distance myself from you and wait out the time period.”

“What? No. What is she going to do without you, her father?” I hold her tighter to my chest, the ache returning. 

“Jenna? Will you take care of her for me? I’ll go wait out the infection and…” He rubs the baby's head, turning to the sheriff. Jenna nods, and holds her arms out for the child. I transfer the child to her arms, going to tuck myself into Dean’s side, his arm looping around my waist. 

“What’s the plan?”

We were stopped at a gas station, Dean calling Sam while Jenna took Amara in to change her. I sat in the backseat, the door open as Dean stood nearby, Sam on speaker. “Everything is going fine here. Really.” 

“Are you sure, because we can come back in a heartbeat.”

“No, you guys make sure Jenna and the baby make it to her grandmother’s, don’t worry about me, I can handle myself.” 

Dean hands me the phone as he heads inside, leaving me with Sam. “You’re one hundred percent sure that you don’t need us?’

A sigh echoes from the other end. “Honestly, no. I caught it, the infection.”

“Sam.” My throat swells. “We’re coming back, right after—”

“No! Just, don’t tell Dean.”

“Fine. I’m not going to lie to him though. And Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“You better use that big brain of yours to find a cure, I’m not looking forward to Dean trying to sell his soul again.”

“Promise me you’ll stop him from doing anything stupid. No matter the outcome.” 

“You know I can’t promise that.”

“Promise.”

I sigh, closing my eyes as the worry begins to creep in. “I promise.”

“Good. Now get Jenna to her grandmother’s, and I’ll see you both later.”

“Right. Bye Sammy.” 

He hangs up just as Dean returns, leaning against Baby. “Did he say anything to you?” 

I shook my head, picking at my nails. “Nothing he didn’t tell you.”

He scrubs his hand in his hair, looking up to the sky. “I hate leaving him behind in a hotspot.”

“I know you do, but this was his idea, he wouldn’t have said anything if he wasn’t confident in his abilities.” 

“You’re right, but I still can’t not worry about him.”

I stood up in front of him, tucking my hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I didn’t want to leave him either, but we have to respect his decisions. Right?”

He lets out a sigh, his hands slipping into the back pockets of my jeans as our foreheads meet. “You’re right. I still hate it though.”

“That’s fair. For now, we need to get those two to somewhere safe, then we can speed back to him, okay?”

He lets out a sound of affirmation before pulling away from me, just as Jenna returns. We all climb back into Baby, heading off to the safe house. 

“Do you think they’ll be fine?” 

Dean’s eyes flicker over to me, returning to the road before answering. “I think so. Might be hard to explain a few years down the road, but that’s not our problem.” 

I nod, watching the fields pass the window as we make out way back to the hospital. Suddenly, Dean’s cell rings, flashing Jenna’s name across the caller ID. He answers it as usual, muttering some responses before whipping the Impala around. “Change of plans sweetheart, we’ve got some other things to attend to.”

We get out at Jenna’s grandmother’s, meeting her at the end of the driveway. “I’m sorry for calling, it’s just, this is crazy. Also, I apologize ahead of time, my grandmother’s a big religious person.”

We enter the house, coming face first with the king of hell dressed as a priest. “Crowley?”

“Hello dears. About time you joined us.”

“So what the hell is happening here, Father?”

“Well, the same thing you were called for apparently, I have some connections, so when an exorcism is called in, I get called in.” Crowley shrugs, as if this isn’t the biggest news.

“Still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I was called in about some sort of demon possession. But, whatever thing is in there, it isn’t mine…it’s darker, more powerful.”

“What do you think it is?”

“If I knew, I would have told you wouldn’t I?” He scoffs, watching as I turn back to the house, going to approach it, before a scream rips through the air. I whip my head to the two of them, eyes widening before we all rush inside, guns drawn. 

Inside, we find the grandmother lying in a pool of her own blood, Jenna nowhere to be found. I shoot a glare at Crowley, who stands to the side, thoroughly unimpressed. The two go upstairs,checking the rest of the house while leaving me with the corpse. “Sorry grandma, but we have to figure this out.”

I check the first floor, finding a sheet, which I lay over her body, out of pure respect. A smash sounds from the second floor, and soon enough Dean comes rushing down the stairs. “They're gone.” 

A few weeks later, I stand at the end of a table, looking in disbelief at the brothers. “Cas is Lucifer, Sam died again, but not really, so you overdosed in hopes of saving him?” 

Sam flinches, avoiding looking at me, while Dean shrugs. “I did what I needed to.”

“By killing yourself?! What if it didn’t work?! What if you actually died? Did you forget you have a vengeful reaper dying to sink her teeth into you?!” 

Dean shrugs, continuing to sip at his beer. 

“And he shrugs. What the fuck has gotten into you? Ever since the church case you've been acting like a total ass.”

Sam looks at his brother, then to me, before excusing himself from the room. I sit in the spot he left, directly across from Dean. “What’s wrong? You’ve been distant since this whole Amara thing began. Is it something with her? Cas?”

He scoffs, peeling at the label on the bottle in front of him, avoiding eye contact. I grab the bottle, reaching for his hand. He pulls it away, glaring at me. “Maybe it’s you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Maybe it’s you. Maybe you're the issue.”

“Me? How the hell am I the issue? I haven't seen you since dropping off Amara and Jenna. You’re acting like a total ass to me, and yet I’m the problem?”

He stands up, his palms pressing flat to the table, turning to leave for his room.

“Fine, how do I fix this?”

“You don’t.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t fix it.”

“Whatever it is we can fix—”

“We cannot fix anything. There’s nothing to fix between us, not anymore.” He pushes off the table, running a hand through his hair.

My voice begins to tremble, a lump forming in my throat. “What? What do you mean there’s nothing? We’re—”

“There is no we anymore!” He whirls around towards me, a look of pure annoyance painted over his features.

“I’m sorry, but it sounds like you’re trying to break up with me? Which can’t be true.” I stand up, the chair screeching against the floor in my urgency. “Unless it is.”

“It is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I kissed her. And I liked it. She’s been on my mind anytime I’m with you. Shit, I had to force Sam to promise he wouldn’t tell you. But us? This is done.”

“Wait, who are we talking about? There’s another girl?!” I shouted, tears forming in my eyes.

“Amara.”

“The baby?! The fucking one-month old?! You’re leaving me for her?!”

“Yes!”

“This is why you've been distant. God I’m so stupid. Forever and always my ass.” I wrap my arms around myself. “You know what, fuck this.”

Dean stood there, his back turned to me. I reached up, snapping the chain that once laid delicately around my neck. The silver pendant dangled gently from the ruined piece. I threw it on the table. “Fuck you. And fuck your girl toy. Don’t you dare come asking for my forgiveness when she destroys everything you love. If you are even capable of that.” 

I pivoted, heading to my room, locking the door behind me, not bothering to glance at him again. I rip the photos of us off the wall, tossing them in the trash bin. I hesitate with the first one, the one Sam took of us leaning into one another, passed out in the front seat of Baby. The day we first said the words. A single tear landed on it as I pulled my lighter out of my pocket, lighting the corner on fire before dropping it into the bin with the rest.

I hauled my bag over my shoulder, walking into the garage where my 1977 Chevy Camaro sat, unused since I began running with the brothers. Specifically since Dean. I threw my bag in the backseat, starting the engine and leaving behind what once was my home. Where my heart could no longer stay.  

Sam’s call lit up the darkened hotel room for the fifth time tonight. Not to mention Cas’s numerous calls and voicemails sitting in the inbox waiting to be opened. Yet not a single one from him. I turned my phone over, standing on shaky legs as I made my way to the en suite. I flicked on the fluorescent light, coming face to face with a ghastly image. My eyes were rimmed in red, the deep purple bags making the red so much brighter. Tear stains lined my cheeks, my hair thrown up in a knot, curled in on itself in a mirror image of my stomach. And the irises that one shone bright with life, were fogged over, dull. Dean’s ring sat on the ledge of the sink, mocking me. The ring he gave me that first hunt they went on without me. The promise echoing in my ears. 

“Wear this. It’s my guarantee to return to you, always.”

“For forever.”

“For forever and always.” His lips brushed my forehead, settling the ring on my forefinger, it wouldn't fit on the rest. “Forever and always, princess.”

He returned from that hunt with a nasty cut on his cheek, and a funny limp in his right leg, but he returned. And he always did from that point on, forever. 

“Fuck forever and always.”

I wake up with hair in my mouth, a raging headache thriving between my ears. I groan, moving to sit up, but held back by a heavily muscled arm around my waist. I look over my shoulder, coming face to face with a dark haired man. His deep breaths indicate he’s still sleeping, and the sticky feeling between my thighs reveals exactly what happened after the alcohol hit my system. My phone buzzes on the nightstand beside me, an unknown number calling me. I pick it up, grumbling choice words as I answer.“Who the hell is this?”

“Hello darling. Didya have a nice night?”

“Crowley,” I throw the stranger’s arm off me, getting out of bed and search for my clothes. “to what do I owe the honor?”

“Your man and his sibling have called me in, we have a lead on how to get rid of Amara.” 

“No.”

“I know you and him had a fallout, darling, we can’t do this on our own. So I suggest you get your freshly screwed buttocks to the bunker, asap.” The dead tone rang through my ear, and then through the air as my phone crashed into the wall. I yanked on my converse, mumbling towards my companion. 

“Goddamn Winchesters and their goddamn saving the earth. Look, I have to leave, just return the key to the desk when you leave, and thanks for last night…” I shrugged on my jacket, grabbing my keys and reaching for the door knob. The mystery man goes to speak, having been woken up by our conversation, but I ignore him, closing the door behind me. 

Crowley meets me the second I pull up to the building, a knowing smile displayed on his face. “So, where’s the lucky man now?”

I flip him off, walking inside. I’m greeted by Sam pulling me into a hug, a muddled kiss place in my hair. He pulled away, checking me for any signs of distress. “Are you okay?” 

I nod, glancing around the room, finding Cas, well, Lucifer, Rowena, an individual I didn’t recognize, plus Metatron. I scan the room, looking for the person I least want to see. The door opened behind me, and in walks Dean Winchester, looking like hell warmed over. My breath caught and I swayed into Sam, going lightheaded. He wrapped his arm around me protectively as Dean approached us. “Y/n. Look I’m—”

“Don’t.” Sam growls towards his brother. “They’re here to help us, not for an apology from you.”

“I’m just trying—”

“No, Dean. You don’t get to try anything. They will decide when you get to talk to them. Got it?” 

The unknown individual cleared his throat, directing our attention to the plan. I felt Dean’s eyes burning into my side, and then they snapped to Sam, when the announcement of who Mark would go to. I turned to look up at him, fear clinging to my ribs.“Sam? You can’t.”

“We didn’t talk about this. You can’t, it’s mine to bear.”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would freak out like this.”

I grabbed Sam’s bicep, dragging his attention to me. “Do you know what you are agreeing to?” 

He nods, dragging me closer to him. “I have to do it, you know I do.”

I let him go, looking at Dean, our eyes locking. I can see the pain he’s trying to hide, the anger, the worry, all for his brother. I return my gaze to the big man, resisting the urge to comfort him. “Well then, let’s get this show on the road, shall we.” 

The door opens, a beaten woman dragging herself in. Her dark eyes flicker around the room, landing on me, front and center. My breath catches in my throat, her beauty striking me. I swallow visibly, my eyes dragging down her body, before returning to hers. She straightens up, a smirk crossing her face. “Who are you?”

“I’m, I’m no one important.” 

Lucifer impales her from behind, as Chuck steps around me, looking down at his sister. They exchange words, before Amara stands up, throwing the rest of us every which way. My head slams against concrete, the world dissolving behind my eyelids. 

When my eyelids flutter open, I’m in a smokey void, with only Amara in front of me. I step forward, reaching for my knife hidden away in my jacket, only to find it missing. She lets out a laugh. “So you were the one who once owned the heart of my Winchester?”

“Your Winchester?” I let out a laugh. 

She tilts her head, smiling at me. “Right, you both are dating, aren’t you? I might just have to steal him from you. Oh wait, I already have.” She leans in closer, running her nose up my neck, stopping when her breath tickles my ear. “Or I could make you watch as I bind our souls together for eternity. What was the phrase you used? Forever and always.”

“You—”

“Careful what you say to me. I could end your life with the snap of my fingers.” Her smile drops, her hand wrapping around my neck. I grit my teeth together, hissing out my next words. “Do it then, you bitch.”

My body gets thrown backwards, hitting an invisible wall. She tsks at me, her face holding no emotion. “No, no. I’d rather keep you alive. Force you to watch Dean leave you over and over again until the universe ends. Keep you in a little glass cage, as a pet.” 

“You’re sick.” Amara throws her head back, letting out a laugh. 

“Perhaps I am, but are you much better?” 

I glare at her, silently cussing out Chuck for letting this happen. She takes my head into her hands, her eyes locked on my lips. “Nothing? I thought so.” She twists my head violently to the side, and the void disappears. 

My eyes snap open, lungs panting for air as green floods my vision. I sit up, pushing Dean back from me, as Cas stands up. Sam is crouching next to Chuck, helping him sit up, his complexion pale. Cas speaks up, his monotonous voice returned. “You were out for a while. I couldn’t find your soul.”

“Thank you Cas. It’s great to have you back.”

Dean opens his mouth, going to say something when Rowena bursts through the doors.

“You all need to come see this. We have a wee bit of a problem.”

A month had passed since then, and I was thrown into saving the world yet again. Collecting souls to build a spirit bomb, Dean gave up on attempting to talk to me, his brother my guard dog. Saying goodbye to the only man I’ve loved, just for him to remain alive, returning with his mother. Saving Sam from the crazy Brits, and so much more. I moved back into the bunker, much to Mary’s insistence: “The boys need you, as much as they don’t want to admit it.” 

I hid in my room, only coming out for the necessities, to share research I found, basically avoiding Dean. Unfortunately, he eventually caught up during one of my necessity runs. I felt confined as he barred my escape route. 

“We need to talk.”

“We are, aren't we?” I shook his hand off my arm, eyes darting to the exit he left unguarded. 

“No, we aren’t, and it’s killing me.” 

I snorted, “Well, apparently I’m the problem, so distancing myself seems to be the only way to remedy that.”

Dean flinched back, tucking his hands into his pocket as he looked to the floor. “About that, I—”

“No.”

“No?” “No, you don't get to apologize. I’m done Dean. Something in me shattered that day, the day I realized I’m not what you wanted. That I was just convenient for you. And now that there's not another woman pining after you, you want me back. It doesn’t work like that. My answer is no, you do not get a second chance, divine interference or not.” I turned on my heel, rushing back to my room, leaving him

standing there with tears in his eyes matching mine. But, if there's one thing I know about Dean Winchester, it’s that he’ll get over it. 

[curiousityoctaves]

Chapter 3 is up! Read it here

“Colin knew not why he required so much time, so much distance, to untangle his feelings. How could he feel such fury toward her and yet be consumed by longing to protect her? His heart seared with the duality of it—mistrust and tenderness, anguish and devotion—until he feared it might combust entirely.”

When Colin finds his wife in a garden he had not noticed she had grown, the distance he imposed upon them begins to unravel. He has spent weeks contending with all he cannot forgive—perhaps most of all, himself—yet here, in the moonlight, he is forced to confront what he has been too blinded by his own fears to see.

Infinite thanks to my new favorite tumblr friends @poor-unfortunate-soul9927 and @fstopsteph!

[vices-aand-virtues]

“Well, I haven’t taken a road trip in forever and the weather is perfect!”

“You haven’t…” Eloise pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re taking a road trip…now?”

Penelope let out a small gasp. “God, how rude of me! El, of course you’re welcome to join! Just…pack everything! Destination: unknown.”

Penelope continued to flit around the room like an agitated moth on serious drugs and all Eloise could do was watch. She finally paused for a moment to observe her friend frozen in the doorway and comment, “Get a move on, you! The world awaits!"

“Pen…” Eloise slowly approached her, as if Penelope were a skittish woodland animal that might be spooked by any sudden movements. “We can’t take a road trip. You’re getting married tomorrow.”

—

Penelope is getting married…or is she?

[hiraethwrote]

i needed a little break from the kento fic bc it’s very angsty atm…. so obviously i am writing a little angst drabble that’s coming tonight 🫡