#upstead family feels

[lady-rhaesnow]

"Say goodbye"

Saying goodbye is always difficult. She had always wondered what it would feel like when the time came. She just never imagined it would feel like this.

[Upstead family fic]

Read it on AO3 and FFN

A very big thank you to @girlinlotsoffandoms for the wonderful support and loving Ella as much as I do!

[uptondixon]

Upstead Foster Daughter

Did you ever wonder how Upstead would be as foster parents for a teenage girl? Like Hank and Erin, Hailey and Jay welcomed Olivia to their home when she was 16. Olivia holds a lot of grudges and is full of mischief, but she is also incredibly sweet and has a tremendous need to feel like she belongs. To her surprise, Hailey and Jay will give her exactly that.

Masterlist

Word count: 2k-ish

[Chapter III] “What if I'm far from home?”

Jay recovers well and three months later Olivia finds herself face to face with him and Hailey again.

“Hailey,” Jay’s rough voice woke Hailey from a light sleep on the chair next to Jay’s hospital bed. 

“Jay!” she got up and held one of his hands between hers, leaving a chaste kiss on it. 

“Hi, my love,” Jay smiled, the effort to do so appearing bigger than it should be. 

Hailey smiled back, “How are you feeling?”

He made a face and tried to change his position on the bed, a huff leaving his lips, “Everything hurts.”

“I’ll call the nurse.”

“No, wait,” Jay grabbed her hand. “Let us be for a while, it doesn’t hurt that much.”

Hailey stared at her stubborn husband. She knew he hated hospitals, and he also wasn’t known for admitting his pain, but she let him be for now.

“What happened?” Jay asked. “I mean, with my CI and the case?”

“What about hearing about yourself first, huh? The surgery was a success, but the doctor said you must take it easy for a while otherwise it won’t heal properly. You scared me, Jay. I can’t see you in this situation again.”

“I’m sorry, I should’ve waited for you. You’re my partner, we do this kind of stuff together.”

“I should’ve insisted on going with you. Maybe if you had backup…”

“You can’t know that for sure, Hailey. If anything, you could be in my place right now so I’m happy I was alone.”

“Jay…”

“Let’s leave the what-ifs behind, okay? I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” he was the one to kiss her hand this time. “I love you.”

“I love you too, always.”

Jay smiled, “Where’s my kiss? Or do I have a bad breath? I don’t know how long I was out.”

Hailey laughed, kissing her husband’s lips softly. “It’s been a day and a half.”

“Wait!” Jay said. “What about the girl who helped me? Olivia. Is she okay?”

“She is, it’s a long story though. We found out she had run away from her foster family.”

“Why?” Jay asked with a frown.

“I don’t know, we talked with her social worker but nothing was wrong, it seemed like a teenager thing.”

“Really? You guys went there to check?”

“We did, Kev and I talked with her foster mom. She seemed good, and the social worker confirmed that.”

“Well,” Jay rearranged himself on the bed again. “Hopefully she will be okay. We can keep an eye on her just in case.”

“I exchanged numbers with her social worker. Told her to call me if anything happened.” 

“Of course you did,” he smiled, but then his expression became more serious. “If it wasn’t for her… I don’t even know Hailey.”

“Yeah, I was terrified hearing from another person that you were shot, but I was happy you weren’t alone.” 

“Me too, I still remember her eyes staring at me in a panic. She must have been so scared, Hailey. But she still did everything I told her to.”

“She was a little shaken up afterward, Kim and Kev said she barely said a word to them. But she was brave.” 

“Oh, about the case,” Hailey started. “It was closed rather quickly, I’m sure Platt and Voight pulled some strings,” she laughed lightly and so did Jay.

“The team found out your CI was still working for his old gang, when you called him asking for info on our case he told them and they sent someone after you.”

“Son of a bitch,” Jay said.

“Both your CI and the guy who shot you were arrested."

Jay looked like he wanted to ask a million questions but Hailey spoke before he had the chance, "But now I just wish to never think about this again, can we do that?”

Jay nodded, “You don’t have to, I promise this was the last bullet to my count,” he said with a smile.

“It better be, Halstead!”

⭑*•⊱ 3 months later ⊰•*⭑

Hailey's phone has been ringing for the past 5 minutes, her ringtone waking Jay up. Hailey came running out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, her long hair dripping water everywhere. Jay smiled lazily at the sight.

“I'm sorry Jay, I forgot to turn it off. I came in so desperate for a shower.”

It was around 1 am when she arrived home from an extra shift. There was a situation in a women’s shelter and she and Kim decided to go and lend a hand. 

Hailey did a double take at her phone when she saw the name ‘Martha’, she was Olivia's social worker. 

Jay noticed her shock and said, “You're good? Who is it?”

“It's Olivia's social worker,” she said while picking up the call. Jay sat up, all the traces of sleep suddenly vanishing from his brain. Something bad must have happened for her to call at this hour.

“Martha? Hi, yes I can talk. What's going on? Is Olivia okay?” Hailey said. She felt Jay's presence by her side. 

“Of course, no, don't worry about that it's not a bother at all. I'm glad you called, my husband and I are going right now, bye.” She hung up the phone and turned to Jay.

“What happened? Is she okay?” Jay asked straight away.

“She ran away again.”

2:00 am on a Wednesday, in Chicago. Jay is doing the best he can to avoid thinking about all the possible scenarios that could happen to a 15-year-old girl alone at night. He and Hailey drove around Olivia's foster family neighborhood, checking places she could have run to. No sign of her. After checking all the places the family said she likes to go, Hailey and Jay started to think further.

“Maybe we should call patrol to help out on the search? Call in the team?” Jay said, already sounding way more stressed than he intended to. He knew she wasn't missing long enough to follow all the missing person's protocol, it's been 3 hours. One of the kids that shared a room with Olivia woke up to drink a glass of water and didn't find her on the bed and her clothes were gone from the closet. However, Jay can't help but think the worst. A lot of things can happen in 3 hours, right? 

“Let's check the nearest bus and train stations, if she's not there then we'll see what we can do at the station,” Hailey said, her tone filled with worry.

They got nothing from the bus station, it was almost empty and no one saw a girl walking around alone. But their luck changed at the train station. They noticed her from a distance, sitting down on a bench, a backpack by her side. She was waiting for the train that would come at any minute now. Hailey and Jay looked at each other with relief, moving in the direction of the girl. 

“Olivia,” her head spun toward the feminine voice.

“Hailey? Jay?” Olivia stood up, putting her bag on her shoulders.

Jay immediately tensed up, afraid she might run from them. 

“Olivia we just wanna help, okay?” Hailey said with a small smile. “Come and talk to us.”

Jay watched in silence, hesitant to say anything that could scare the girl away. 

Hailey continued, “Please, Olivia? Whatever you're thinking, it's no good being alone in Chicago at night, we know you know that.” 

Of course, she knew. Olivia was scared, she didn't want to run away in the middle of the night, but it was the best time to do this so she had to gather the courage and go. Always looking over her shoulder the whole way.

“We're taking you to the station,” Jay spoke for the first time, “You're not in trouble, but we can talk there, you can tell us what's going on. How does that sound?” 

Hailey nodded in affirmation to Jay's words.

“Fine,” was all Olivia said. She followed them to the car quietly. The train arrived when they left. If they had got there 5 minutes later, Jay thought. 5 damn minutes and she would be gone.

Olivia did not say a single word on the way to the station. Hailey and Jay tried every possible topic of conversation they could think of but it was useless. She shut herself completely. Hailey was the one driving and after giving up the small talk, she and Jay were exchanging worried looks in silence. Jay, especially, was in a lot of thought. Of course Olivia shut them out, she did not know them. Between that day at the alley when they first met, Jay being in the hospital and Olivia being sent back to her foster family, neither he nor Hailey had a real conversation with her. Jay realized that he didn’t even thank her. 

“I never thanked you for saving my life, Olivia,” Jay said after a long silence.

“It was nothing,” Olivia answered in a low voice.

Jay looked at Hailey in surprise, he was not expecting an answer at all. “What do you mean it was nothing, I could have bled out if you hadn't called my team,” Jay looked at her over his shoulder. “Thank you.”  

It was around 3 am when they got to the district. The three of them went over to the Intelligence break room to talk. 

Olivia sat at the small table close to the window. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?” Jay asked.

“No,” Olivia mumbled without looking at him.

“I’m just gonna go straight to the point Olivia,” Hailey said, pulling a chair and sitting in front of the girl. “What’s happening with your foster home? Why are you running away?”

“You don’t get it,” Olivia said, still not looking at them.

“Then make us understand,” Hailey said calmly. She looked at Jay silently asking for help, he came and sat beside Hailey.

“We just wanna help you, but we can’t do that if you don’t open up to us,” Hailey tried again. Olivia looked up, looking between them both.

“You don’t know us and we don’t know you,” Jay started. “But we want to get to know you, we want to help you.”

“Why?” Olivia asked.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Hailey answered. “You’re a good kid, you deserve to be happy. If your current foster home is not giving you that then we need to know.”

Olivia thought for a moment. She never expected to see Hailey and Jay again, let alone have this conversation. They were nice to her and she knew they were grateful for what she did for Jay. They probably think they owe her something and that’s why they’re doing this. Whatever the reason, maybe they can help her.

“Fine,” Olivia said looking at the pair. “There is nothing wrong with the foster family.”

Hailey and Jay stared at her in confusion. They did not believe she was running away for the sake of it, it made no sense.

“They feed me, they are nice to me, they give me fresh clothes and a warm bed,” Olivia said. “But that’s all it is.”

“What do you mean?” Hailey asked. 

Olivia took a deep breath before saying, “I’m just another kid to them. They’re good people and everything but that is not my home. I feel like an intruder there. I know I should be grateful, a lot of kids are not this lucky when it comes to foster homes, but I can’t help feeling like this. So I made a plan.”

“A plan?” Hailey asked.

“Yeah, I planned to leave Chicago and the foster system behind. I would miss Chicago but at least I was going to be my own family.”

Hailey and Jay looked at each other in realization. So that's why she was running? She just wanted to belong. 

“I know the system's not perfect Olivia, but running is not the solution,” Jay said calmly. “How would you live? And the people who know you? They would be worried as hell.”

“We would be worried as hell,” Hailey said. 

Jay nodded, “We would be the first ones looking for you out there.” Olivia smiled softly at that.

“Will you let us help?” Hailey asked.

“Mm-hmm, okay.” Olivia honestly had no idea how they could help, but it was worth a try, wasn’t it?

Here we go! How you guys like this chapter? Thank you again for all the love on the previous chapters!

[spiridakos]

So I guess now every person who has ever been afraid that their past, their trauma, their pain, their insecurities and all the other things that can make us feel unworthy of love. People who looked to Upstead as an example of how it is possible to find someone who loves you in spite of all that, can you love for all that, and that love can be as challenging as it is beautiful, gentle and healing, that it doesn't actually last. Great.

You know, I've been struggling to put into words how this is all really bothering me in terms of characters and reflecting back on to me and others who probably feel the same, but this helped a lot.

For Hailey, who has always been alone. She has no family, no friends, she has nothing. She's always only relied on herself. She doubts herself, she doesn't think she's worthy of love, and she thinks anything or anyone she does find is going to abandon her in the end because that's all she knows.

And then she found Jay, who proved her wrong. She is worthy of love, she does deserve love, she doesn't need to navigate life on her own. He fought for her, he defended her, he showed her what it was like to have someone in your corner no matter what.

But then Gwen pretty much just put out this very harmful and damaging narrative that people will always abandon you and you are forever alone in life. That you're not strong unless you're continually going through something traumatic and only if you fight that on your own.

It's just damaging. It's a tiring narrative. Women don't have to be alone to be strong. In fact, I'd argue that Hailey being able to be vulnerable and open up to Jay made her even stronger.

[fangirlfrom-hell]

When Your Parents are Detectives, You Gotta Try Harder || Upstead x daughter

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly erased my blog 🫠

Also Burzek x daughter and Stellaride x twins

Sophia is Upstead's daughter. // Leslie and Benjamin are Stellaride's twins. //Makayla is Makayla.

Jay, Hailey, Adam, Kim, Severide, Stella, Violet, Gallo, Ritter, Will, Joe, Sylvie, Matt involved.

☆ 

-"What the hell is that?" Jay said dramatically pointing to his daughter as she entered the kitchen.

-"Sophia Halstead. Human. Nice to meet you". -She had inharited her father's sense of humor.

-"I mean what the hell are you wearing!?" -He asked shocked, not paying attention to his daughter's joke.

-"Oh! This is called a dress. Girls usually use them when the weather is hot outside". -Sophia replied sarcastically. -"It's fresh, you should try it".

-"Yeah, I'm not into it, too short...why isn't it covering your knees?" -Jay crossed his arms in a scolding dad position.

-"Seriously, Jay?" -Hailey raised her eyebrows and gave a look to her husband, while pouring herself a cup of coffee.

-"Well, good morning to you too". Sophia rolled her eyes and sat at the kitchen island to have breakfast, trying to ignore the situation. Anyway, she had foreseen her father's reaction the moment she decided to wear that green dress with small white flowers for the picnic that day. He was, after all, old fashioned, as he used to joke about.

-"You look really pretty, hunny". Hailey smiled, knowing what was going through her daughter's mind.

Sophia never tought she would feel so embarrased. Other than the school uniform, no one had ever seen her wearing a dress or skirt before, not even her parents. To be honest, it wasn't her type of clothing, she preferred jeans and not so tight shirts or blouses, always big boots as shoes. But she wanted to give it a try, she wanted to feel "pretty" and look femenine as the other girls at school.

-"Yeah, I mean that's not in doubt". Jay continued his wife's statement. -"But I find it innapropiate, you can't just go out like that. You are too young, dress' too short, lot of psychos out there. Do the math". And he took a drink from his coffee mug with the "Ranger" insignia.

-"Whoa, ok It's not like I'm going to a rave or something. This reunion it's supposed to be only for friends and family, isn't it? There are not psychos in that group...that we know of at least". Her parents grined at that. -"Besides, I have my platform boots on. They are iron point, I still can kick some asses if I need to".

-"Swearing jar!". -Hayley and Jay said unison, closing their eyes tiredly. This language matter was begining to be a problem and the swearing jar wasn't helping enough.

-"All right, you oppressors of free speech". She said while standing up. -"I'll get the jar". And she dissappeared.

-"Since when does she like wearing dresses? -Jay threw the question into the air. -"I mean, what's next? Make up?"

Hailey stared at Jay with a smirk on her face and he felt deep in his bones how she was reading him, so he avoided eye contact.

-"Is she acting like this because of a boy? Because she does talk a lot about that Severide boy".

-"Jay, you are over reacting" -Hailey laughed. -"They are friends, and for the record, she mostly talks about his twin sister, Leslie. They are both Severide, you might be confusing them".

Hailey leaved her seat and stood next to him: - "This is not even about the dress, is it?".

Jay opened his mouth to say something, but words didn't come out, he was feeling a little bit silly. At the same time, he tried to match his toughts with gestures, but he just ended up doing strange movements with his hands.

-"I don't know what hand gesture to make". They both laughed and he used one hand to grab her waist.

-"I know it is only a stupid dress. I do worry about the psychos, though. -He pointed out. -"But the thing is that when I saw her, reality hit and made me realize that she's not a little girl anymore. Yesterday she was pucking over girly stuff and now...she grew overnight".

-"Yes, I get that feeling, but...". She sighed. "-If it makes you feel better, she's just pretending. I know you're scared of loosing what you have with her, but you won't".

-"What do you mean she's pretending?". -He frowned his eyes.

-"I think she just wants to feel pretty, or what she sees around that is supposed to be pretty. Hard to believe coming from that girl, but she's in a vulnerable position right now".

-"But she is beautiful". -He didn't say it just because he was his father, he meant it with his heart. Hailey's eyes lighted up.

-"She just wants to fit in, you know?"

-"She never cared about that".

-"Mh. She's a thirteen years old girl now and let's say that kids at that age can be really mean".

Jay nodded with a confused expression.

-"She's exploring to find herself, but she's still the impulsive tough girl climbing trees, playing to be a cop, screaming at the TV watching sports with his dad and watching horror films at midnight thinking we don't notice". Both smiled at those ideas. Then Hailey's countenance changed and she look to another way crossing her arms. -"Also the girl who hasn't hesitated in throwing punches to defend her friends from bullies...". They both stared into the abyss remembering that time they got a call from school because she hit a boy who had been bothering Makayla. Blood was involved and stitches were sponsored by uncle Will.

-"Yeah, we still need to work on that". Jay shruged.

There was a small moment of peaceful silence where they just stared at each other.

-"I think I just unlocked the fear of she not wanting to spend an afternoon watching a hockey game with her dad, if you know what I mean...".

-"What are you talkig about? I'm always up to watch hockey with you". Sophia entered the kitchen again, this time carrying the jar on one hand and a pair of skates hanging on the other one. -"Much better if you take me to a live game".

Jay looked at his daughter and laughed when he saw her knees all full of scratches from recent bike falls.

-"What's up with the skates?" Her mom asked.

-"We all are taking our skates or boards to the picnic".

-"Sounds like fun".

-"Yeah. It was Severide's idea".

Jay gave an annoying look to his wife.

-"All right, let's go. We have to pick Will on our way".

Social reunions were usual between the firefighters from Firehouse 51, the Intelligence squad and some doctors from The Med. They had known each other and even worked together for years and now their kids were also good friends. It was Cindy Herrman's plan to organize a reunion in other place than Molly's. Violet had the idea of a picnic and she was not going to allow it to be otherwise, therefore Ritter and Gallo were forced to help with the organization. Silvye also helped with excitement.

It was a warm sunday morning , the weather was perfect to be outside. When Hailey, Jay, Will and Sophia arrived to the park, some of the guests were already there.

-"Hey, Halsteads!" -Kelly yelled and waved inviting them to seat at his picnic table with Stella and their twins: Leslie and Benjamin. Kelly and Jay were good close friends.

Sophia approached to sit next to the twins. Since Leslie was sitting on the edge of the bench, the vacant space was next to Benjamin. Before she could sit, Jay took the box of lukumades Hailey was carrying and gave it to his daughter: "Go put them on the food table". And he took advantage to sit next to the Severide boy. Everything happened so fast and natural that nobody noticed it but Hailey, who was looking at him with a look of disbelief.

On her way to leave the greek donuts her mom had baked, Sophia started to feel insecured. She felt as everybody was staring at her, and part of it was true, because they weren't used to see little Halstead dressed delicately and they found it too cute. Cindy smiled kindly when she saw her and greeted her with a warm hug: -"You look specially pretty today", to which Christopher agreed. She was relieved when Gallo and Ritter approached her talking nonsenses, treating her with normality. She rushed back to the table when she noticed Trudy staring at her with amazement.

When she went back to the table, Adam and Kim had arrived with Makayla.

-"Did you bring it?" -Sophia asked her hurriedly, wanting to get out of there.

-"Yes, it's in my backpack". -And she took a blanket out of it.

-"Let's go". -Leslie said standing up, followed by her brother.

-"We brought a blanket for the picnic, if you don't mind us leaving the table". -Makayla said to Kim.

-"I find that real cute". -Stella intervened. -"You guys even brought a basket. Real definition of a picnic day".

And the kids ran off without waiting for an answer or permission from any adult.

-"Don't get too far!". -Adam yelled at them.

Hailey looked at Jay with a smirk, teasing him because his silly plan to separate Sophia from Benjamin didn't work. He just rolled his eyes.

Time passed, everyone was having a blast, and now that everybody had arrived and lunch time was near, it was time for Kelly to shine.

-"Grilled sausages cooked by Severide". -Cruz said excited. -"You don't get that everyday".

Tired of waiting for the food, the kids took their skates and ran off the place.

-"We're going to skate". -Benjamin informed before disappearing along his friends.

-"Don't get too far!" -Adam yelled once more by inertia, as if it was his responsability to tell them so, this time not even looking at them.

As soon as she put her skates on, Sophia started to brag: -"Hey guys, I bet you can't do a cartwheel in your skates". And she did one as if it was nothig. She didn't even remember she was wearing a dress.

-"Cool". -The twins said at the same time.

-"Easy to do it on ice for me, not in wheels". -Makayla said.

Benjamin was the only one on a skateboard and he started to do some easy flips. Everyone was goofing around, when Sophia dead stopped and stared towards the horizon.

-"What are you looking at?" -Leslie asked intrigued. And the four teenagers looked towards the same place, trying to figure it out.

-"There's no way!" -Ben looked at Sophia and she turned to look at him with a smirk and challenging eyes as saying "Watch me". She was looking at a hill, a very steep hill and she wanted to go down on her skates.

-"It's too dangerous". -Ben tried to stop her, but his words and worry only worked to encourage her more.

It was Sylvie the one that saw how Makayla and Leslie were running back towards the picnic.

-"I think something happened". -She said to Matt and they stood up from their places.

The girls' screams for help started to echo among the adults.

-"They were four when they left and I only count two of them". -Ritter observed.

-"Where's Ben?" -Violet asked.

-"Wherever Sophia is, for sure". -Gallo answered.

And suddenly they visualized the figure of the little Severide boy helping Sophia to walk, carrying her on his side. The girl was full of blood, it looked dramatic at the distance.

Not knowing what was going on, and not understanding a word of what Mak and Leslie were trying o explain, their parents ran to the kids.

Without thinking, Jay took Sophia in his arms and rushed to carry her back to the picnic, which wasn't too far away. She was silently crying in pain. Hailey followed with a worried face. Stella and Kelly patted his boy on the back and walked close to their friends.

Will quickly checked on his nice, helped by Sylvie. She was full of wounds, mostly on her legs and knees, but also on her hands and elbows. Some scratches on her face.

-"Ok, what happened?"

-"She wanted to skate down a hill...a really steep hill". -Benjamin started sounding very concerned. -"I told her not to do it, but I couldn't stop her! She did it really well to tell the truth, but that only worked for her to want to risk it more and...". He swallowed hard.

-"And what!?" -His father forced him.

-"She did it again, ayes blindfolded...backwards".

-"Jesus Christ, Sophia!" -Will said scoldingly.

-"Are you crazy!?" -Her mother was starting to loose her mind. These stories were recurring for her, but they were escalating in madness.

-"It's my foult. I should have tried harder to stop her. I'm so sorry!".

-"It's not your fault". -Jay said in a calming tone. -"The more you had tried to stop her, the worse she would had made it".

-"I helped her up the hill. I tried to carry her so she wouldn't get more hurt, but she didn't let me. She's a stubborn". -Those last words came out with certain recentment.

-"Stop talking shit about me as if I wasn't listening!" -Sophia screamed in pain. There was no space to think about the swearing jar in that moment.

-"Ok". -Will started. -"For a girl so young to have such stupid ideas, you are very luck. There's no need to go to the hospital, your wounds are not that deep, but it will hurt like hell for days".

-"Stupid dress". -She muttered.

-"I brought the first aid kid". -Violet gave it to the doctor.

-"I need to clean your wounds. This is going to hurt tons, Soph".

Hailey took her daughter's hand, knowing what was coming next.

-"All right, everybody go back to you activities". -Sylvie started. -"This is not going to be pretty, let's give her some space".

-"Let's go, Benjie". -Stella said to his son who didn't want to leave his friend. -"She's going to be fine".

After that, Sophia didn't want to go home, she was too proud to do it. She was silently eating her sausage sitting in between her parents.

-"Thank you for helping her". -Jay broke the silence talking to Benjamin.

-"Yes, thanks". -Hailey continued. -"It was very brave of you".

-"I could have done it" -Sophia shaked her head- "But this stupid dress got tangled".

Kelly and Stella laughed at Sophia's statement. The spirit of that girl had always intrigued them greatly, she really was the daughter of their parents.

-"To be honest, even thought I was scared about it, I was absolutely sure you were going to make it".

-"Next time make sure to use kneepads and a helmet". -Leslie pointed out.

-"There's no way there'll be a next time". -Hailey closed the conversation.

-"Listen to me". Adam said to Mak. -"If you ever do something stupid like that, you won't get out of the house until you turn 21".

It was noon when they got back home. On their way, Sophia was strangely silent. Jay sat on the living room couch to watch TV. Sophia came in slowly, not being able to bend her knees due to the wounds.

-"You need help?"

She sat next to her dad, while he pulled up the coffe table close for her to to bring her legs up and keep them straight.

-"Thanks".

-"My pleassure". He turned the TV off, knowing she had something in mind.

-"You don't need to worry. I will never use a stupid dress ever again".

-"Soph, you would've get hurt anyway...clothes are not the problem, it's your lack of criteria". -Hailey entered and sat on the table, looking at her daughter's knees.

-"No, I mean...it's not about that". -She sighed. -"Everyone was staring at me, as if I looked silly or something, felt like a clown. How could you even let me out like this?".

-"I think that if they stared was because you looked georgeus and nobody had ever see you like that before...not even us". -Jay said honestly.

-"I don't know what I was trying to prove. I just...". -Her eyes got teary.

-"You just what?" -Her mom asked.

-"I just wanted to feel pretty. Everybody sees me as an impulsive and reckless girl...".

-"And they all love you like that, for who you are".

-"Yeah, well...I don't know what I was thinking. Things have happened in school and it was a feeling that grew inside me. It's stupid...".

-"No, it's not". -Hailey reassured her.

-"It felt good at the begining, but when I was there at the picnic I didn't feel like myself. I was really unconfortable". Calmed tears began to roll down her cheeks. -"I don't even know why I'm crying".

Jay and Hailey remained silent looking at her.

-"I just want to look and feel normal as the rest of the girls...I feel small around them".

-"Sophia Anne Halstead". -His father started. -"Look at me: You are the most beautiful girl I've ever known. I'm being objective here".

Sophia grined: "What about mom?".

-"She's the most beutiful woman, you are the most beautiful girl".

They laughed.

-"I mean it. Inside and outside, you are precious. Who cares about the looks, anyway? You are beautiful if you want to look girly, you are beautiful if you don't. And if someone can't notice that, it's because they're blind and they can't see the wonderful piece of little human being that you are".

-"Thanks, dad". He wiped his tears with his hands and hugged her with one arm. Hailey sat on the other side.

-"Don't squeeze to tight". -She said to both of them. -"There are parts of my body that I didn't even know existed in pain right now".

-"Now, if being more "feminine" is what you want.." -Jay said releasing tension. -"...you should start working on that". Her dad pointed to the swearing jar that was over the edge. -"I'm just joking".

-"I owe it like $5 for this afternoon".

-"You owe it like $20, but we can let it go". -Hailey said strocking her hair.

-"What do you want to do now?".

-"Is there any hockey game tonight?" -Sophia asked cleaning her face.

-"We can find a repeated one or we can always watch one of those terrible horror movies you like to watch".

Sophia opened her eyes in surprise.

-"When your parents are detectives, you gotta try harder". -Hailey said standing up: "I'll make popcorn".

The tone of the conversation had changed to a more relaxed one.

-"Not that I approve, but you know who was truly amazed by your looks today? That Benjamin". Jay said playing in annoyance.

-"What are you talking about? He made fun of me, said I looked snobby".

-"He was lying! Tried too hard to hide it" -Her mom yelled from the kitchen.

-"We are detectives, don't you remember?" -Her father teased her.

Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a like, comment or share. 😌♡

[go-to-two]

Some of it was how he wrote Antonio out but also killing Al. Losing both characters drastically changed the feel and balance of the show. I also think Eid was upset Jon came back to PD after Justice didn't work and so the choices he made in regard to how he wrote him out were personal.

As for the Burzek of it all, it is way more than Eid not putting them back together. If you watch season 4, it was clear Burzek was on their way to getting back together. And then Eid shows up and the very first episode he is in charge, he has Kim dating someone else. At the end of S5, Paddy went to him and asked for Burzek to be a thing again and what does Eid do - season 6 which was an attempt to kill Burzek for good while pushing Upstead. He could have used anyone else to date Hailey but no, he picks Adam. And it was after Paddy specifically asked him for Burzek. Eid said numerous times in interviews that Burzek was done and over. Upsteads didn't' mind S6 because the storyline was used to push their ship together but Burzek didn't get anything out of it except a very OOC Adam and Kim. He did everything possible to not make Adam the father of Kim's baby…including trying to bring Roman back. He did figure out how to get him back for the episode after Burzek lost their baby which was a dick move to the fans. He spent seasons 7-9 teasing Burzek and giving the fans hope only to wreck them at the end of an episode. He "broke" them up several times but never actually put them together first and constantly made sure the audience knew they weren't together. And then Paddy and Marina give what was probably the performance of their careers in 8x16 and it is used to get Upstead married while Burzek just got more trauma. The fact that Adam and Kim (and even Kevin) had nothing to do with the fallout from the Roy storyline is mind boggling. There were so many good storylines that could have come from all of it for all the characters and he didn't use a single one. It seemed clear that his goal was to get upstead married before he left. You could also tell Paddy and Marina were upset about their characters being ignored - it was disrespectful to them, the characters, and the fans.

Add in what he did to Al and Antonio, starting this awful centric format, removing the humor and family feel of the show (and making it really dark), and making Trudy almost nonexistent, there are a lot of reasons he is not liked by fans (and not just Burzeks). It would have been one thing if he was trying to build them back but he clearly used them for emotional storylines with no intention of ever making them a couple again. He constantly did 3 steps forward and 5 back with Burzek. So yeah...it feels like he had a vendetta against Burzek and Adam/Paddy specifically. And yes, Burzek had moments but that was because of Paddy and Marina, not Eid.

I also think some of the choices he made with Hailey's character are why she gets the hate she does...it all could have been prevented too if he had just taken a different approach to how he brought her in. But his ego got in the way. He came in acting like it was a brand new show and didn't care that there was an already established audience. He even told Paddy that the fans didn't matter (I don't think shows should cater to fans but saying they don't matter isn't right either).

Ok, I'm going to have to go point by point but if I'm being honest... a lot of this feels like it's about Kim and Adam not being together.

I've talked about the Antonio stuff. It wasn't good. I don't agree that is was vindictive and I know there was talk of trying to get him back for the beginning of season 7 and it didn't work, so it is what it is. I might be in the minority, but I understand the decision to kill Al from a storytelling perspective. I wish it had had a more lasting effect on Voight's character, but I do understand choices they made in that exit.

As for Burzek... I think we have very different definitions of what "on their way to getting back together" looked like in season 4. In seasons 1-3, they cheated together on Adam's (2nd or 3rd?) fiancée, got engaged before either were near ready, imploded, and then Adam spent a big chunk of season 4 away from Intelligence because he couldn't handle being in the unit at the same time as Kim. Sure, Paddy was filming a movie and Marina was going on maternity leave, but that's what they were working with at the time. They cared about each other, but Eid inherited a bit of a mess with them. Paddy could ask for anything he wanted, and no showrunner or writer is obligated to give it to him if it didn't make sense. Putting them back together without any development at that time would have made no sense.

You typed a lot about seasons 6-8 and again, it all feels like it boils down to Kim and Adam not being together. I personally think the term "OOC" is used too liberally. It's thrown around by all fandoms as a blanket deflection from a character's behavior we may not like, when it's really well within the scope of their character. They're flawed. I'm not saying you have to like the way Eid told the story but that goes back to my original point. There is little critique in there that doesn't come back to the idea that he didn't put the ship together.

There is a pattern that I've noticed in the Burzek fandom that fans believe Kim and Adam are "stronger than the showrunner" and somehow defeated Eid, and it's not how things work at all. No character has any story without the showrunner. The reason Kim was pregnant with Adam's baby is because Eid made that decision, even if other options were explored in the writing process. They found Makayla together because of Eid. They were still circling each other for years because he kept them in each other's orbits. He took them from where they were in season 5 to working towards co-parenting, all while giving them some of their best episodes along the way. If he wanted to end them for good, he could have. Easily. It's not fair or accurate to say that all the good moments were because of Paddy and Marina while the bad were Eid and the writers when that's simply not how writing a TV show works.

"And then Paddy and Marina give what was probably the performance of their careers in 8x16 and it is used to get Upstead married while Burzek just got more trauma." - that sentence doesn't sit right with me for a lot of reasons. First, Tracy also gave an incredible performance. I'm not going to minimize that just because her ship ended up getting married. In fact, they all did. Jason, too. Jesse and LaRoyce had a lesser presence, but they were so solid. To act like Burzek were the only ones to come out of that situation with trauma is erasing the whole other half of the storyline, which is what you are complaining they did to Kim. And I agree, Kim's role in the Roy situation should have been addressed sooner. Eid should have done it in 9A, Gwen should have done it in 9B instead of the Makayla kidnapping fallout. Kim and Adam's story was a mess in season 9, and that's at the hands of both showrunners.

I mentioned this in an ask the other day, but I don't think Eid was one who was interested in romance between canon couples at all- be it Burzek or Upstead. Was it vindictive towards Upstead when he put them together and immediately gave them nothing but angst? Probably not. Just like I don't think he was vindictive in giving Burzek angst, too. Again, there seems to be this notion that Kim and Adam were the only ones who went through shit. They all got it. It was his style, which is one of my biggest complaints against him, honestly.

Centrics aren't even my biggest gripe against him, because I saw up close how much productions had to scramble to put together Covid seasons. The centrics got bad in season 8, but I have a lot of grace for the hoops they had to jump through to get anything on screen during the pandemic. I'm more annoyed with why they're still happening now.

All that said, I don't think a viewer who has seen the whole show can objectively look at the quality of cases, involvement from each character, long-form story arcs that are actually cohesive, the development of the characters, and the dialogue and say we were worse off under Eid's leadership.

Okay, I've typed enough. I don't expect that you'll agree with everything here. It's totally fine if you don't agree with any of it, I'm just offering my perspective. I'm not saying someone has to love the way Eid ran the show but generally speaking (it's not every fan, I understand that) Burzek fans tend to villainize Eid while praising Gwen for "fixing the show". Meanwhile, she does everything they claim Eid did (centrics, dark tone, no continuity, baseless writing), only worse. That's why, to someone on the outside, it does seem like the core issue with Eid is that he didn't put the ship together.

[anniesardors]

that's another story - chapter 7

Summary: a series of upstead family oneshots set after the final chapter of "All My Holidays"

AN: Surprise! I was feeling fluffy so here’s a very short upstead as parents fic 😊 hope you enjoy some family fluff!!

Read on AO3

[cynicalone94]

Fanfiction Master List

Hey guys,

I've been a whump fan since I was a kid. My primary mode of expression is through writing fanfiction.

Most of my work is in the Chicago PD fandom with Jay Halstead as my number one target. I also write fiction here and there for Marvel, Brooklyn 99, and 9-1-1 Lone Star.

Chicago PD

I Don't Have Any Beneficiaries Anyway

Alternate Ending to 2x03 Weigh Station. When Jay fails to get the upper hand and is traded for Alex Price, the team scrambles to find him before its too late.

Just Another Day

Jay gets hurt during a raid. So just another day for the Intelligence Unit.

Rather Take a Bullet Than Get a Flu Shot

Friendly teasing goes too far. And just why does Jay hate needles so much?

Cost of Doing Business

A trip to Med to meet his brother for lunch becomes more dangerous than Jay had anticipated.

He's My Brother

Will knows about the death of Roy Walton and the cover up and he's not happy with his brother's new wife.

Living Donation

With his daughter's life on the line, a rich businessman makes a risky decision. But did he make the right choice?

Your Boy Tough

An annual taser recertification course brings up bad memories for Jay.

In The Wind

In a dense forest, sometimes even ten feet is too far.

I'd Rather Stay At Work

Jay actually admits he's sick. It doesn't go well.

Imbalance of Power

Sometimes the easiest way to make someone talk is to give them the upper hand.

Sacrifices

How do you judge whether a sacrifice is "worth it"?

Where He Should Be Safe

A sixteen part series of Jay having a bad time in places where he should be able to feel safe.

The Past Has a Price

When someone from Jay's past returns to take Will hostage, will the brothers make it out of this one alive?

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

Tag to 2x20 The Number of Rats. Gregory Yates becomes aware that Will Halstead is being questioned and sees an opportunity to shift the blame. **Update 11/19 Tags and warnings have been updated to include rape/noncon elements. It's kind of implied with the Tag to 2x20 but better safe than sorry. There's nothing explicit in this story but it is mentioned.

Upstead One Shots

A series of oneshots featuring Upstead and their beautiful family.

Up-Hill

Tag to my story In The Name of Justice. They might not be on the best terms but when Jay has a panic attack, Will can still find a way to bring him home. Pre-series.

Repaid in Kind

Tag to 9x13 Still Water. After Dylan was arrested, they thought all that was left to combat was Hailey's guilt over not saving Lisa. Turns out there was more.

Tripwire

Pre-series story from Jay's days in Afghanistan. Tag to Guilty Until Proven Innocent. How did Jay recognize the sound of the tripwire in time to dive out of the way?

What's Your Verdict?

The final day in court to wrap up a case that Intelligence has invested so much in takes a surprising turn. Hailey is put in a difficult position and every choice that she makes can only hurt her husband more.

Witness Tampering

The mundane lead up to a trial suddenly becomes a race against time when Hailey's husband is kidnapped to keep her from testifying. Will they find Jay in time? Or will a dangerous criminal evade justice yet again?

Chrysalis

An on the job injury changes Jay's life forever and he struggles to navigate the aftermath.

I Don't Know Me

Jay (at least that's what she said his name was) wakes up after a serious head injury with no memory of who he is or what happened to him. He's relieved when a woman shows up, telling him his name and claiming to be his wife. Finally, someone to fill in the blanks and answer some questions. Only… something about Meredith doesn't seem quite right and he isn't sure he can trust her. But what other choice does he have?

Friends in Strange Places

Jay is taken hostage by drug dealers when a sting goes sideways. But when they find out that his name isn't Ryan Clarke things take an interesting turn.

Missed Opportunities

Have you ever watched an episode of Chicago PD and been disappointed that Jay wasn't more seriously hurt? Well then you're a monster but you're also in the right place because so am I. Alternate episode endings focused on the idea of increasing Jay Halstead Whump.

Childhood Secrets

When Jay learns that the man who molested him as a child is out of prison and that two of the man's other victims have been brutally raped and murdered since his release, he's pretty sure it's not a coincidence. But will he survive long enough to prove it?

Missing PTSD Moments

Missing moments from the show where the events taking place really should have triggered Jay's PTSD. Starting with the ambush from the opening of Forty-Caliber Bread Crumb.

Stigma

When a minor on the job injury opens a can of worms, how will the team handle the revelation that one of their own has been trapped in an abusive relationship? And that another member of the team isn't the person they thought she was. NOTE: This story might be difficult for Erin Lindsey lovers. Please know that I do not hate her, nor do I think she was abusive to Jay, she just fits with the plot that I've come up with.

9-1-1 Lone Star

Burner Phone

Someone from TK's past arrives in Austin to make amends. But is everything as it seems?

Making Him Jealous

When Sadie Beck escapes from prison, she finds another crazy way to get the relationship with Owen that she thinks fate has promised her, making him jealous. Will Carlos survive her latest strategy?

Miscellaneous

Thanksgiving - Brooklyn 99

Jake gets hurt when he and Amy's fathers are fighting, adding injury to insult. Tag to "Two Turkeys"

First Impressions - Marvel

Bruce Banner gets to meet Tony's new intern.

[ameliagiovanna0]

Allow me to blanket this statement with:

I AM SO HAPPY FOR BURZEK LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? HE KEPT HER RING??? THEY'RE FINALLY GETTING THEIR HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS A FAMILY????

That being said,

I will die on the Upstead hill, so it takes a lot for me to "publically" support Burzek because I almost feel like it takes away from Upstead. However, I have pretty much always liked Burzek

It. Did. Not. Have. To. Be. This. Way. and I cannot stress that enough. Upstead did NOT have to get divorced for Burzek to get engaged. And, by extension, Burzek did not have to break up for Upstead to get married. I don't know why the hell Gwen is pushing this narrative. It's pushing fans apart, and views are plummeting. She keeps digging herself a deeper and deeper hole, and I don't get it. I could go on and on about it, and I have, but this is just my two cents at the moment that Upstead and Burzek should not be competitors

[kim-ruzek]

Do you think they will get Hailey and Jay back together now that Tracy is leaving?

What are your wishes or hopes for Adam, Kim, Kevin and Makayla in the upcoming season?

I hope so. I do think they will, especially as the only reason they had upstead go through the uncertainty of the relationship last season was to give Hailey more room in her future storylines but with her leaving, that's no longer a consideration.

I suppose it always goes down to how they decide to have her exit, but I can't see them going for an unhappy exit, especially when JLS would definitely be willing to come back for a cameo.

Now! For what my wishes are:

I need to first mention that my wish for my burzekwater is that they get their detective badges Especially now we'll be losing Hailey.

For Burzek just in general first: I want that hospital scene, I want Kim mother henning Adam because she is not doing well at all being on this side of things. I want an ily - a true parallel to Kim's first shooting, with also a cute scene with Mack to parallel her second shooting. I want them to continue to be the amazing couple they are and give us those small domestic moments so i can squeal over them being together (although I say that like I do smile stupidly to myself whenever they interact in a very neutral way now they're together because they're fucking together!) In my possibly asking for too much dream wishes is for a new burzek engagement (with Kim instigating it in some way at least).

For Adam: I want him to formally adopt Mack too, be the legal dad in every sense of the word.

I want to see him struggle with the shooting, not only because shootings are traumatic but also because it was done by a kid - and I want to see Kim help him through this. I also want him to not shut down when dealing with the trauma. And I'd like the trauma to ebb and flow throughout the season. Possibly have Adam be a bit disillusioned to everything because he tried so hard and he couldn't save the kid.

I could see him very much becoming go to work, get what needs to be done and that's it, just following routine and go home - with home being the one place he's really thriving in, or even him questioning his place in the force. I very much wish that his main arc for this season is very much revolving around the shooting.

For Kim: I very much want to see her helping Adam through things, especially with her learned experiences. But I also don't want them to forget her own trauma, and that how almost losing the love of her life after finally letting him in would really emotionally wreck her. I think a lot of this will be mitigated by her helping him, but I still hope we see the effects.

Saying all that, I also really want one of her main arcs for this season to be professional strides for her - without her getting injured or MORE trauma dumped on her. Especially with this being Hailey's last season. I want her helping Adam to be an important arc for her as well, obviously, but her individual one I really want to see her being that awesome cop.

For Kevin: Similarly, I'd love to see the same thing in Kevin's arcs. I very much want to see more scenes with him and Torres as i dig them working together. I'd also love to see more of his father, because I think the arc of Kev rebuilding a relationship with him is such an important and interesting one.

I feel like a broken record saying this, but ROMANCE! I want to see a proper romance for him. A mature one, not build on lies or is a position of conflict in his life. Just a very nice relationship that builds up Kev, instead of causing more strife in his life.

I'd also like to see him potentially helping Adam with his trauma, especially if Adam is questioning his position in the force, I'd love to see Kev helping with that side of things.

For Mack: Just more cute family scenes. An adoption by Adam. Her being like ew at her parents kissing. Her being sweet to an injured Adam. Ending the season learning she's going to be a big sister because I'm pregnant!Kim trash.

Thank you for asking!!! This was very fun to answer. I'm half certain I've forgotten like half a dozen things because honestly my wish list is SO SO long and I've had many months of thinking and brain storming what I want, so don't be surprised if I add to this.

[wafflesetc]

I am just going to make a post before I answer the couple of the asks I have received. I know I sound like a broken record, so for those of you who feel that way, I am sorry.

Yes, I did read CinemaBlend’s article and just to start, I’m tired. Jesse also has to be tired of the same question. I get that it comes with the territory, but a decision was made, and he’s trying to do other things and we should celebrate that. His directorial debut is something that he/all fans should be proud of. But anyway, back to the point…

As a fan, I am tired. I am tired that they are continuing to use his character and the ship to keep us somewhat interested, while simultaneously destroying his character and continually putting Hailey through hell. I get it, no matter what angle they chose to handle the exit with, I don’t think it would have pleased everyone and I think it always would have felt rushed. However, I’ve said this a million times by now, the writers didn’t have to make the choices that they have - but they made those decisions, and right now, we are more or less stuck with them. It’s also, now, out of his hands - he’s just kind of on the ride as much as we are. In conjunction, Jesse is always going to give the show the benefit of the doubt. He’s too much of a class act to speak any sort of negativity about the show. I don’t fault him for doing that. He worked there for ten years, they are his family. There are over two hundred crew members and a handful of writers the show employs. He won’t say anything that would degrade the people who work there because as cliche as it sounds, the show must go on. He can also say these things, and have a personal opinion, and not love where the decision is going, but as a professional he also understands that it’s currently out of his hands. I can’t blame him for the answer(s) he’s given and has given us, because they are exactly what I expect from Jesse.

In the end - I think he loves Upstead and truly thinks they are they loves of each other’s lives. He’s probably boycotting the plot of season ten just like most of the rest of us.

And most importantly - the character isn’t dead. If they were going to kill him, they most likely would have already done that. Thus, when the story needs it, if he’s available, I don’t think Jesse will think twice about making an appearance.

[torreshalstead]

Masterlist

Links below to all my fanfiction including Upstead, Burzek, Stellaride, Brettsey, Chenford, Hawkami and Rollisi. I’ll try and keep it updated as I post more.

Thanks for all your support on these stories!

Upstead

You make the miles worth it - Multichapter - Hailey begins training for the Chicago Marathon and meets a handsome stranger - Complete

It Seemed Like a Good Idea - Multichapter - Hailey needs a visa to stay in Chicago so Jay offers to marry her - Complete

I’ll show you mine - Multichapter - Hailey and Jay meet whilst undercover which turns into a secret relationship - Complete

On a crowded street in 1944 - Multichapter - Hailey and Jay meet before he heads off to war - Complete

Broken - Multichapter - Hailey I struggling after Jays departure fix-it fic - Complete

cat eyes sharpe enough to kill a man - Multichapter - Vigilante Hailey meets cop Jay - In Progress

Together is a wonderful place to be - oneshot - Jay and Hailey face some difficult decisions after a new commander is appointed.

home - oneshot - post 10x12 fix-it fic. The real reason Hailey hasn’t heard from Jay. Happy Ending.

Empty - oneshot - no one in Intelligence has touched Jays desk after he left, including Hailey.

wishing i was in his arms tonight - oneshot - After a long shift at work, Hailey’s favourite person is at the end of the phone

It’s Christmas after all - oneshot - Hailey wasn’t looking forward to spending Christmas alone. But maybe she won’t have to.

warm. comfortable. safe. - oneshot - Hailey wants to ask Jay to move in but she has some doubts.

The day that everything changed - oneshot - an introspective on Hailey’s first day meeting Intelligence

Matching rings and matching names - oneshot - post 9x01 Hailey and Jay discuss engagement rings

i think it’s cause of me - oneshot - Bolivia and why he’s not calling from Jay’s POV

The Paramedic and the Bullet Magnet - twoshot - Hailey is assigned to Ambo 16 and meets a cute cop on a call

still my wife - oneshot - 10x20 fix it fic where Jay gets told Hailey is in hospital and returns

Can I have this dance? - oneshot - Upstead daughter is off to prom

holy ground - twoshot - pre 8x04, based off released deleted scene of Hailey and Jay waking up together

gone but not forgotten - oneshot - Jay comes back to Chicago because he gets the call he never wanted to answer (Warning - MCD)

Unrequested Assist - oneshot - AU meet cute in a bar

Christmas Wrapping - oneshot - Holiday AU inspired by the song of the same name

Pride and Joy - oneshot - Ivy Halstead graduates from the police academy

Blind Date - twoshot - enemies to lovers blind date AU

a choice born of hope not fear - oneshot - Hailey battles with her decisions and her future (11x13 spec fic)

sitting vigil - oneshot - Hailey gets hurt and Jay is there to hold her hand

rules are made to be broken - twoshot - friends with benefits AU

he just comes running over to me - oneshot - college AU Hailey had had a crush on Jay since she had met him but didn’t know if he felt the same

Burzek

Your eyes in my life - Multichapter - Kim has a one night stand with a stranger in LA. 6 years later he is assigned as her rookie, but he doesn’t know she had his daughter - Complete

Maybe the special ingredient was special after all - oneshot - Adam takes cooking classes to try and win Kim back

20 hours - oneshot - post 2x06 Adam’s time in solitary effected him more than he let on.

Marry Me - oneshot - it’s Kim’s wedding day and it’s breaking Adam’s heart watching her walk down the aisle to someone that isn’t him.

all of it - oneshot - post 10x17 morning after fic. She was finally back in his arms and neither wanted to let go.

Stellaride

Memories Bring Back You - oneshot - Kelly is trying to show his daughter that memories don’t always have to be sad (Warning - MCD)

Family means family - oneshot - Prequel to Memories Bring Back You, Casey returns to help Kelly work through his grief. (Brettsey & Stellaride)

Brettsey

Someday feels a hell of a lot closer now - oneshot - He was the last person she expected to see but here he was, Matt Casey was back in Chicago.(11x18 spec fic)

The Pretty Girl in the Club - oneshot - Matt spots a pretty blonde across the bar on a night out and hope she feels the same pull does

Knight in Shining Armour - oneshot - High School AU where Sylvie needs a date to prom

The Reminder - oneshot - the ring is a painful reminder that he let her go but he wouldn’t let her go again

whatever she needed - oneshot - Matt’s office is always open if Sylvie ever needs a shoulder to cry on

a ring to prove it - oneshot - post 11x22 speculation/wish fic

Hawkami

No Grief in Sleep - oneshot - it’s was less painful to be asleep because he was still there

Rollisi

always there - oneshot - Jesse wants to ask Sonny to walk her down the aisle, she has flashbacks to some of her favourite memories of him.

Chenford

Strong arms and soft kisses - oneshot - post 5x12 what happened after the bedroom door closed. (Mature)

Happiness looks good on you - one shot - Angela finding out about Tim and Lucy and her reaction.

A place with us - one shot - Tim and Tamara’s conversation about her not feeling like she fits in anymore.

Words like knives - oneshot - Lucy and Tim run into Lucy’s mom and she is not impressed with their relationship.

bequeathed - oneshot - Isabel is back in LA and wants to talk and Tim doesn’t know why (5x20 spec fic)

Her Source of Comfort - oneshot - one bed fic set during 5x01

The Inheritance Clause - oneshot - Tim needs his inheritance but he must be married, his father suggests Lucy

Empty chairs - oneshot - Lucy and Tim’s wedding day

a battle between heart and mind - oneshot - Lucy goes over to Tim’s after the elevator scene (post 6x10 fic)

[imjustwritingg]

I am a bit sad. I keep trying to tell myself there are a million reason why she is in Greece and he in LA. Work, family. But I am having a hard time with it. Please don‘t take trasse after upstead was so brutally taken from us.

You’re absolutely right — there are so many reasons!! And as much as we wanna see them together and want them to post things showing they’re together, they aren’t obligated to do that. They don’t owe us anything.

You’re allowed to feel however you feel, but please remember that Tracy and Jesse are real people. They are not their characters, they’re not playing some part and telling a story for cameras. This is their life. Real life. Their relationship is for them, not us.

[otter-love-asl]

Chicago PD Fics Master List

Multi-Chapter

It's Just the Flu | Complete

Man's Best Friend | In Progress

Rock Bottom | Under Construction

A to Z Jay Halstead Whump | Complete

Silence is a Strange Sound | In Progress

Series

Upstead Appreciation Week 2021

Day 1: Yours, Mine, & Ours | Complete

Day 2: Eyes Only for You | Complete

Day 3: The Perfect Sentient | Complete

Day 4: Φίλα με | Complete

Day 5: What is a Home? | Complete

Day 6: Home is Where the Heart is | Complete

Day 7: Suprise Coming Soon! | Complete

One Chicago Appreciation Week 2021

Day 4: "You promised!"/ "I guess we both broke our promises." | TITLE | DNS

Day 5: "I don't... I don't feel good." | TITLE | Complete

Awareness One-Shots

Unusual Notification | Deaf Awareness Month | September

The Innocent Victim | Childhood Cancer Awareness Month | September

Untold Past | National POW/MIA Recognition Day | Third Friday in September

22 a Day | Suicide Awareness Month | September

A Different World | Hispanic Heritage Month | September 15 to October 15

Breaking the Cycle | Domestic Violence Awareness Month | October

Little Angels Gone Too Soon | Infant Loss & Pregnancy/Miscarriage Awareness Month; World Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day | October; October 15

One-Shot Sunday

Flu Shot

Babysitting & Zooz & Accusations, Oh My!

Secret Fear

Busy Work

Chicago Fire

A Family

Trapped

Jack-O-Lantern

Was it At First Sight?

Alleyways & Pizza

Just You

Revelations

Thanksgiving Escape

We Balance Each Other

An Old Tradition

Holiday Timber

Gingerbread Fun

Unexpected Christmas

Eight Nights

New Year, New Start

Luck of the Irish

An Unlikely Hand

Moving Forward

Love You All the Same

A Tradition Once More

[cpd-55055]

by doing this to mirror Sean Jay and the Chief Hailey I'm 1000% sure Gwen will make Jay the villain and "Red John"... Gwen is ruining Chicago PD... It really needs new writers and showrunners...

I'm still confused about what/who "Red John" is...so please explain.

I really don't think Gwen is making Jay the villain. She may be trying to erase Jay from the show, but I don't think her intentions are to make Jay the villain.

I have mixed feelings about Gwen as a showrunner. I was always a fan of Rick Eid. He not only gave us Upstead, but he made the show and the team feel like one big family. Ever since Gwen has taken over, that family feeling is lost, and I don't see that changing with her showrunning style.

[wordsandupstead]

I posted 245 times in 2022

That's 245 more posts than 2021!

55 posts created (22%)

190 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@upsteadlovingheart

@imjustwritingg

@i-like-sparkly-things

@a-little-bit-of-tradition

@justmypartner

I tagged 91 of my posts in 2022

#jay halstead - 28 posts

#chicago pd - 23 posts

#unsteady - 21 posts

#jay halstead fanfic - 20 posts

#hailey upton - 18 posts

#upstead - 17 posts

#jay halstead fanfiction - 14 posts

#upstead fanfic - 12 posts

#jay halstead x reader - 8 posts

#jay halstead fic - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#reblogging because i'm 5k into a follow up to this and trying to talk myself out of scrapping it all and starting over

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

working late

Weight of the World - Jay HalsteadxReader 

A/n: starting this as a little mini series of blurbs. it’ll be all over the place, but i’ve always loved writing shorter freeform pieces. Y/n will remain the same as far as personality, occupation, family, etc. across the pieces but each imagine can be read as a stand alone. As always, i’d love to hear your thoughts or any feedback :) 

summary: Jay's subtle way of taking care of you and looking out for you when you're stressed and unexpectedly having to work late.

words: 1.4k

warnings: references of implied child abuse (very brief reference)

~

Your phone buzzes on the desk in front of you causing your attention to stray from the computer monitor to the phone screen just long enough to recognize your boyfriend’s name and a new text notification. Instead of checking the message, you force your attention back to the screen, trying to remember what was said in a phone call earlier today so you can make sure to document it correctly.

A few seconds later, your phone buzzes again, another text from Jay, and this time you grab your phone, dropping it into your purse tucked away below your desk. Glancing at the numbers in the bottom right corner of the computer screen, you realize it’s 5:57pm. Shit. You were supposed to leave work almost an hour ago. You’re supposed to be at the restaurant right now for a 6pm dinner reservation with Jay. 

Groaning softly, you cover your face with your hands briefly, trying to let some of the stress of the day leave your body. When that doesn’t work, you force yourself to take a deep breath. You’ve been looking forward to this dinner all week. This morning when you came into work, you were determined to leave on time. However, you were assigned a crisis shortly after 3:30pm, and everything from then until now has been a blur. 

Reaching down below your desk, you dig your phone from your purse and immediately click on Jay’s contact to call him, not bothering to read any messages first. “Hey babe.” Jay’s voice floats through the phone. His calm demeanor immediately contrasts against the way you’ve been feeling all afternoon. 

“Hi,” You sigh, his voice alone manages to relax you, even if just a tiny bit.

There is a pause, and you want to start apologizing because you know Jay is probably already at the restaurant, but he speaks up before you can, “What’s going on? Is it work?” 

“Yeah, I’m so sorry babe. A crisis came in.” You prop the phone between your ear and shoulder, and scroll though the document you’re in the middle of drafting. 

Between your job and Jay’s, you both understand that plans are usually tentative, no matter how much you wish that they could be dependable. Clocking out has never really meant clocking out for either of you, and it is something you’ve both had to accept, although it definitely wasn’t easy. 

“It’s okay, just take care of what you need to.” He responds without even a hint of irritation or disappointment, probably because he knows if you heard that in his voice it would only make you feel worse.  

“I’m sorry,” Despite Jay’s understanding reaction, you still feel bad. “Are you already there?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” His non answer is all the answer you need. 

“I’ll make it up to you. Next week, I promise!” But you both know that’s not exactly a promise you can keep. You never know if you’ll get another crisis or if intelligence will get a big case and you won’t see each other for a few days or sometimes even longer. 

“You don’t have to make it up to me. It’s no big deal.” He responds, “I’ll let you get back to work. Are you the last one?” 

You look around briefly. Alisha was the only one still in the office when you walked back in after returning from the crisis call, and you vaguely recall her calling out goodbye to you a while ago before leaving. “Yeah.” 

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.”

You bite your tongue to stop yourself from apologizing again. “Talk to you soon, bye.”

“Bye babe, try not to stress too much.” 

After hanging up the phone, you walk over to the break room and brew yourself a cup of coffee before returning to your desk and making your way through the mountain of paperwork while waiting for your phone to ring with your supervisor returning your call, so you can finish your documentation and finally go home to your boyfriend. 

A knock sounds on the front door to the office, startling you. Alisha must have locked the door behind her on her way out, so whoever is out there can’t get in.

“Y/n, it’s me.” A muffled voice calls from the other side of the door and you immediately sigh in relief, practically jogging over to open the door. 

When you pull open the door, you see your boyfriend standing with a white bag that you can only assume holds food in one hand and a drink cup in the other. 

“I brought food.” He holds the bag and cup up a bit higher and your heart fills with so much love for the man in front of you. Stepping across the doorway, you wrap your arms around him, reveling in the comfort his presence brings, not to mention how grateful you are that he brought you food. If he didn’t you probably wouldn’t eat until after you finished all your paperwork and finished making the necessary calls, which could easily be after 10pm. 

He holds you as best as he can with his hands full. 

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252 notes - Posted June 13, 2022

#4

Safe

Jay HalsteadxReader 

summary: Y/n witnesses Jay in a life threatening situation for the first time and it affects her more than either of them expected. words: 4k warnings: canon typical mentions of violence, descriptions of anxiety and symptoms of ptsd.

~

“Get down, get down!” You recognize the voice before you see the person yelling. Instinctively, you listen, dropping straight to the ground and ducking behind a parked car. Your coffee that you had bought moments ago sloshes over the side of the cup at your sudden movements. Your heart is pounding loudly in your chest as you watch the scene unfold in front of you. Three men are running in different directions, each holding what appears to be a gun. You can hear the gunshots ring out, and people are screaming as they all frantically try to find cover. You remain crouched on the ground, but you peek cautiously around the car. You know who you’re looking for, even if it means you’re more in danger because you’re not completely tucked away. 

When your eyes find your boyfriend, you don’t feel relieved like you had hoped you would. Instead you feel more frantic and afraid because you can tell he’s mostly out in the open, pursuing the suspects. He doesn’t see you, and you intentionally don’t call out to him. He’s yelling at the guys to stop, shouting, “Chicago PD, stop!” while yelling at others to get out of the way, the same way his warning had told you to take cover without even knowing that it was you. 

Everything happens in just a few seconds. More gunshots ring out and you watch Jay as he ducks behind a parked car before calling for backup. You hope that this means he’ll be safe, but before you know it, he’s running back out into the open, continuing to pursue them on foot as they turn down an alley. You feel stunned as Jay disappears from sight. The adrenaline is still coursing through your body, but suddenly you feel sick with worry. 

Blue lights and loud sirens flood the area as cops and ambulances arrive on the scene. You can’t help but continue to stare at the corner of the building where you last saw Jay. You don’t know where he went or if he’s even safe. The fear and worry settles in your stomach, and as much as you want to make sure others are okay, you can’t move from your spot tucked between the rear tire of a parked car and the sidewalk. Pulling your phone from your pocket, you immediately text Jay, “Are you okay??” Is all your fingers can type. You click send and then stare at the message, just waiting for the three dots to indicate he’s typing a response. The dots don’t come. 

A police officer approaches you, snapping you out of your trance. “Miss, are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

Shaking your head frantically, you check your phone again, still no response from Jay. “I-I’m okay, I think, but my boyfriend. I–I don’t know if he’s okay.” 

“He was here with you? Was he hurt?”

“No – I mean – he was here, but not with me. He’s a cop. He was chasing the guy.”

“He’s intelligence?” The patrol cop asks, and you simply nod.

“Please, can you see if he’s okay?” You plead motioning toward the radio. 

He hesitates before speaking into his radio, asking for an update on the foot chase. There is no update immediately. “Sorry miss. They don’t usually update us unless they’re calling for backup.” 

You nod and thank him anyway before glancing down at your phone again. Still no response to the text. You know he’s working and he’s busy. Just because he hasn’t responded doesn’t mean he’s hurt. Even though you logically know all of this, you still click on Jay’s contact, calling him. You just need to hear his voice. You need to know he’s okay. The phone rings five times and then goes to voicemail. Although a part of you knows Jay is busy working and just because he’s not answering doesn’t mean he’s hurt, another part of you is becoming more and more frantic with every second that passes without hearing from him. The cop eventually wanders away after realizing that you’re fine and not hurt. Finally, after waiting a few more minutes, you can’t take it anymore and you call Voight, he answers on the fourth ring. 

“Y/n?” 

“Voight, is Jay with you? Is he okay?”

“Jay’s not with me, he’s at a scene.” Voight’s voice gives no indication that anything is going on, but you know he has to know what just happened. 

“I know. I’m on fourth and central and I was here when they were shooting. I saw Jay running and they were shooting at him and he’s just gone now and he hasn’t answered his phone.” All the words tumble out of your mouth so quickly you’re not even sure Voight can understand what you were saying. 

“Y/n, slow down. I’ll have Jay call you. Just hold tight.” He responds, his voice still completely calm and you wonder how he can sound like that after everything that just happened and everything you just told him. 

“Okay, thank you.” You force out, barely managing to take a breath.��

About a minute later, your phone is ringing. This time, it is Jay. “Are you okay?” You ask instead of saying hello. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You can hear him breathing loudly, but that’s the only indication that anything just happened. “Are you okay? Voight said to call you, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m on fourth and central.” You whisper. Hearing Jay’s voice reassures you a little, but the image of him running and the guns pointed at him and then him running after them while they could turn and shoot him at any time continues to run through your mind. 

There’s a beat of silence as he processes your statement and takes in what that means. “I’ll be there in three minutes.” He responds. 

“Jay, are you okay?” You repeat your question, “I saw you running and they were shooting and –” 

“Y/n,” he cuts you off calmly. “I’m fine. We got one and the other two got away, but I’m not hurt. I’m fine, y/n. Are you okay?” 

“I just want to see you.” 

You can hear the sound of his truck door slamming, then he says, “I’m almost there. I’m just a block away.” 

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318 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#3

Worst Patient

Summary: Y/n doesn’t tell anyone she’s feeling sick and ends up fainting. Protective/worried boyfriend Jay. 

Word Count: 2k 

Warnings: mentions of blood, injury, fainting, medical/hospital setting

Masterlist 

What started out as just a headache this morning as you were leaving for work quickly turned into something more, but you have a big project due and can’t afford to go home or take a sick day, so you stick it out. At lunch time, just the thought of eating the meal you packed made your stomach turn, so you skipped it in favor of more coffee to keep yourself from falling asleep and attempt to keep your mind clear enough to focus on the work at hand. 

By the time you walk out of your office after six pm, you’re feeling hot and cold all at once. Your phone rings, a facetime from Jay, and you immediately answer. When his face fills the screen, you can tell even in the little corner box, that you don’t look so good.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” His voice comes through the phone and his face suddenly fills the whole screen as he holds his phone close to his face to get a better look at yours.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just tired.” You brush off his concern with a little white lie. 

“Are you sure?” He questions, and you nod. Pain shoots through the back of your head at the movement, but you quickly force your face back into a neutral expression. If Jay notices something is off, he doesn’t bring it up. “I was just calling because we caught a case so I’m stuck at work. Are you still covering at Molly’s?”

“Shit, yeah, I forgot. I’m heading over there now.” You had completely forgotten that you promised Hermann you’d cover the bar tonight with Stella so he could attend his son’s award ceremony at school.

“Y/n, are you feeling okay?” Jay’s concerned voice cuts through your thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Work was just busy and I forgot about Molly’s.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later. I’ll try to stop by if I get out of here early enough.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later,” You tell him before ending the call and walking the rest of the distance to your car. You had thrown a change of clothes in your car this morning since you knew you were going to be working at Molly’s, so you drive straight there and find Stella behind the bar.

“Y/n! Thank god you’re here. I don’t know what is going on but it seems like everyone is here tonight, and I can barely keep up.” She calls out, seemingly flustered by the crowd and amount of work to be done. 

Stella wasn’t wrong. It seemed like you didn’t have a moment to catch your breath from the second you walked into the bar. You were constantly moving, despite feeling sicker and sicker by the minute, you couldn’t leave Stella alone behind the bar, so you just stuck it out.

When Jay finally walks in, you’re not even sure how late it is, but all you want is to fall asleep. He takes a seat and you place a glass of whiskey down on the bar in front of him. You can feel his eyes on you, as you turn to grab another glass for another customer.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Jay jump out of his seat, and you don’t realize why even as you stumble on your feet.

“Y/n, y/n!” You can hear Jay’s voice, but when you open your eyes for a split second, the pain in your head is excruciating, and it feels like there’s ringing in your ears. You close your eyes tightly again. You just want the pain to stop. There’s more commotion around you, but you have no idea what is going on.

“Y/n, hey, can you look at me?” His voice is worried and forceful, cutting through the fog.

You force your eyes open to meet Jay’s green eyes. “Don’t move,” He warns, and only then you realize you’re surrounded by broken glass. Your right forearm stings and is dripping blood. There’s a towel on it, so you can’t see the damage, but you guess that you fell on the glass. You don’t even remember dropping the glass, but you don’t remember putting it down either.

Stella hands Jay a glass of water, and he holds the glass to your lips. “Slowly,” Jay warns, as you take a few sips.

You sit back, his arms still around you, “What happened?”

“You fainted. When was the last time you ate something?” You shrug because the truth is you don’t really remember.  Jay doesn’t stop moving, he’s checking your body, examining you for glass or wounds or injuries. When you don’t give an answer, Jay asks another question, “How long have you not been feeling well?”

“All day.” That’s one answer you know for sure.

Jay sighs and shakes his head, whether with disappointment or worry, you can’t tell, and you’re feeling too out of it to try to decipher his expression. Jay carefully places your injured arm over your stomach then wraps an arm under your legs, supporting your back with his other arm as he starts to stand.

“What are you doing?” You question, but the words come out in a mumble and your head falls against his chest as he starts walking toward the exit, calling something out to Stella about how he’s taking you to Med.

“I don’t want to go to Med.” Your eyes fall closed. When Jay doesn’t respond, you plead. “Can you just take me home, please?”

“Y/n,” Jay replies, keeping his voice soothing because he knows what he’s going to say will upset you, “You fainted and there’s glass in your arm.”

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337 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

#2

Frantic Call

Jay HalsteadxReader

summary: Y/n’s bad day just keeps getting worse, and when she can’t take it anymore, she calls Jay, crying.  words: 1.5k

~

The sound of metal crashing against wood catches your attention and momentarily stuns you. As you turn your head to the passenger side of the car, you realize you weren’t watching that side as you backed up, and you smashed your mirror against the telephone pole outside of your house. Your heart immediately sinks to your belly. 

“I gotta go!” You shout at your phone, despite hearing your brother’s confused questions coming through your cars speaker via bluetooth. He had been practically yelling at you over something that had happened between him and your mom, which is not uncommon. As the middle child, you’ve always been the mediator, even though you’re all adults with separate lives now, things somehow still come back to you, as if they expect you to sort their problems out. 

Putting your car in park, you jump out and rush around to the other side. Your mirror is hanging from a cord, and the paint on the passenger side door is scraped. Part of the metal is caved in too. You force a deep breath into your lungs and try to remain composed despite wanting to burst into tears standing there on the street.

The argument your brother had with your mom left you feeling like things were already falling apart. His yelling was just enough distraction to make you forget to check over your shoulder while backing into your driveway. You always check over your shoulder, except today. 

You somehow manage to hold it together enough to park your car in the driveway properly. As you get out of your car, you glance at your work phone to see a new email from your boss.  

I need that incident report by tomorrow.

That’s all it says. Your workload had increased significantly a few weeks ago, and the constant stress of the day to day at work has been getting to you.  You’ve been making small mistakes that you’d never have made otherwise. There was an incident with a client that you don’t even want to think about, but your boss, as is his job, has no problem reminding you. 

After a moment, a text from your brother comes in. Call me back. And you sigh, standing there in a daze in the driveway, you can barely get yourself to move. 

Between work, your family drama, and now knowing you have to deal with getting your car fixed, you really just want to take a shower and crawl into bed,  but you can’t do that, because it’s 2pm on a Tuesday, and you have an online meeting in thirty minutes. 

Your fingers hover over the contact in your phone. He’s at work, and you don’t want to bother him, but he’s the only person you want to talk to. His voice is the only one you want to hear right now. You can feel yourself holding it together by a thread as you press on his contact and start walking into the house, leaving your poor car in the driveway. 

“Hello?” He answers.

“Do you have time to talk?” You question, unsure of whether he’s busy or not.

He probably senses the urgency in your tone, “Yeah, I have a couple minutes before I have to be in the interrogation room.” 

A part of you knows that since he said he has a couple minutes, this probably means he was supposed to be in the interrogation room five minutes ago, and he doesn’t actually have time. You almost say never mind and end the call, but you can’t keep your composure any longer, and you need to talk to him. 

“My brother got into a big fight with my mom and I was backing up and I hit a telephone pole, and I messed up at work and I’m scared that I’m going to get in trouble.” 

“Whoa, hold on, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine, my car’s not.” You respond.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Was anyone hurt?” 

“No, no one was even on the street, it was just me, hitting a stupid pole because I didn’t look over my shoulder because I was distracted because my brother was yelling at me and I was rushing home from work to do the stupid incident report that I should have done by now. And I have a meeting at 2:30.” 

The tears start falling and then you’re fully sobbing. You’re standing in the kitchen, just sobbing as Jay tries to understand everything you just said. You can hear shuffling on the other end, but he doesn’t say anything right away, and you continue crying and mumbling something about your car. 

“I’m coming home.” You finally hear him say. 

“No, you have an interrogation!” You respond, knowing you’ll feel even worse if he just leaves work right now. “

“Y/n, you’re not hurt, right?” He questions, completely ignoring your reminder that he’s supposed to be working. 

“No,” You mumble behind the tears still falling. You force a deep breath and try to slow your sobs. “But I have that meeting. It’s at 2:30.” You repeat yourself. 

“Okay, are you inside?” 

“Yes.”

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427 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Stay

Jay HalsteadxReader

summary: Y/n and Jay lost touch after high school, but run into each other years later. Y/n insists she doesn’t need help, but Jay’s detective instincts won’t let him let her go. 

words: almost 8k

warnings: unhealthy relationship dynamics, domestic violence, physical abuse, emotional manipulation, toxic relationships. 

a/n: i’ve been wrestling with this piece for weeks now, and i could go through and edit it probably two more times, but i’m going insane, and i want to post it so badly, so this is what you get. hope you enjoy, feedback is always appreciated! 

also this should go without saying, but please heed the warnings, there are some graphic descriptions of dv so please please do not read if this is a trigger for you. thank you. 

~

“Halstead, over here!” The voice is just loud enough that it cuts through the constant hum of the crowd and catches your attention. You know that name. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t still think about him, didn’t still wonder how he’s doing, or daydream about running into him since moving back to Chicago three months ago. 

Without realizing what you’re doing, you swivel around on the barstool, somewhat accidentally making eye contact with him in the process. The recognition crosses his face, mirroring the expression on your own. It’s really him, not his brother or another guy named Halstead. It’s him. 

“Y/n?” He says in disbelief, immediately changing his pathway and walking toward you instead of stopping at the table his friends were all crowded around. He approaches you silently, studying you, almost like he cannot believe it really is you in front of him, and you don’t blame him. 

“Jay,” You breathe. 

“You’re back in Chicago? How are you?” A genuine smile crosses his face as he stops in front of you, and you remember a day when you would give anything to be the reason for his smile. 

“I’m–uh- good.” Your eyes drift to behind him at the rowdy group of guys looking in your direction, and you know they are about to yell at him, to call him over, probably tease him for talking to you. “It looks like your friends are waiting for you.” You point out the obvious. 

“They can wait.” He responds, unfazed. “How long have you been back?” 

“My boyfriend and I moved back here a few months ago.” You force a smile onto your face, intentionally mentioning your boyfriend, knowing that is likely to end the conversation much faster. There’s something else you could say to end the conversation even faster, but you hold back. A part of you doesn’t want Jay to know your life now, to know what it’s become. Maybe he still sees you as the carefree teenager you once were, and maybe you’d like to keep it that way. 

“Oh, nice!” If Jay is shocked or disappointed, he show it. 

“Detective, get over here!” One of his friends, who already seems to have had more than just a few drinks, slurs in your general direction. 

“Detective? You’re police?” You can’t stop the surprise from coming through in your own voice. 

“A lot has changed, for both of us, I guess.” He says with a shrug and half smile. He taps his fingers on the bar in front of you, “It was good seeing you.” He says with a look of finality in his eyes. You have a boyfriend. He has to go celebrate with his friends. 

You nod, “You too.” And watch out of the corner of your eye as he makes his way to his friends. They shout as he enters the circle, slapping him on the shoulder and handing him a drink. The word detective keeps being thrown around in their group, and you deduce that he probably just got promoted, and they’re out celebrating.

“Who was that?” Sam asks, approaching you, while nodding in Jay’s direction. You silently curse, realizing he saw at least the tail end of that conversation, something you were hoping to avoid completely. 

“Just a guy I knew in high school.” You respond nonchalantly. Sam takes his spot on the stool next to you, resting one hand on your waist to show the entire bar you’re with him. He flags down the bartender with the other hand, never missing a beat. 

“You just knew him.” The intonation in his voice ensures this doesn’t come across as a casual question. 

“Yeah, nothing happened between us.” Not for lack of trying. You can’t help but think to yourself. 

It was just too much. Between his mom getting sick and dying and your far from perfect life at home with your mom and stepdad, there was no room for anything that would last. He left for the army the week he graduated high school, and that fall you were off to California for college. Things maybe could have been different for the two of you if real life hadn’t gotten in the way. 

“You’re lying.” Sam whispers, his voice so low and deep, it almost sounds like a growl. 

“I’m not lying. I swear nothing happened.” You turn meeting his eyes, silently begging him to believe you, to drop the subject. 

His hand tightens around your waist, and you have to stop yourself from visibly flinching.

“Sam, stop.” You whisper, scooting even closer to him, hoping for some relief under his grip.  

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532 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[go-to-two]

Do the updated Gwen quotes from TVInsider give you any more hope for her reuniting Upstead? (It wont let me paste the link I’m sorry!)

There's the article for anyone wanting a link. Simply put, no. I don't get any more sense that Gwen is interested in giving them a happy ending than she was before. The only slight difference in tone I feel is that Hailey might get to a point that her story isn't about Jay at all, but about her father and her family. Gwen has alluded to them being people who could find their way back together in ten years (🙄) so maybe there will be a hint of possibility there, I don't know. My fear with this show taking on a mental health story for someone with Hailey's background- beyond the fact that it's, you know, this show- is that those stories need time and intention to be done well and those are two things PD has not excelled at under current leadership.