#angry my kindness got misinterpreted

[meraxes-of-new-albion]

ARGH

[bedforddanes75]

desperately need tiktok ethel cain fans to know how stupid they are

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

the girl next door 12

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, manipulation, chronic illness, noncon/dubcon, coercion, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: A new neighbour moves in and upends your already disarrayed life.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.

This lewk but silverfox

“How about it, Holly?” Steve’s voice brings you back from your trance.

You only realise then that you’ve zoned out. You look down at your plate, your burger half-eaten and the salad mostly gone. As your mom babbled on, you’d lost yourself staring out at the lawn. It didn’t really matter, she barely acknowledged you since you came out with dinner.

You glance between her and Steve, lost in the conversation already underway.

“I’d love that, it will be nice,” your mom answers, beaming across the table; the shade of the umbrella gathering in the lines of her face.

“How about you, kiddo? Grab you pajamas and join the party,” Steve looks at you.

“Huh?” You and your mom utter in unison.

“Both of us?” She asks in a brittle quaver.

“Yeah, sure, it’ll be a nice way to connect. Holly, I know you’re a mother first, it’s a package deal.”

“Mm, yeah, I just... I misinterpreted,” she puts her hand against her neck. “A sleepover, that’s fun.”

“I felt bad about last time. Don’t want anyone left out of movie night. I got popcorn, mph,” he turns to you again, “do you like cream soda? I got some cane stuff in the glass bottles--”

“That’s a lot of sugar,” your mother murmurs.

“It’s one night,” he shrugs, “it won’t hurt. Lots to go around.”

“I guess...” she forces a smile.

“Well, we can always hold off. I did promise ice cream,” he sits back and claps his thighs. “You all done?”

You stare at the table then look up in the silence. You don’t realise he’s talking to you. You nod. Your stomach won’t settle. It’s been off all day; you wonder if maybe the maple syrup was a bit too much yesterday.

“I’ll wrap it up for you, you can have it later if you want,” he stands and takes your plate, then your mother’s and his own. Where you nibbled through barely half, they had nothing left.

You sit back and cross your arms as Steve goes inside. Your mother sighs and glares past you. She’s annoyed even if you hadn’t made the decision yourself. You didn’t even accept the invitation.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

“Whatever,” she rolls her eyes, “you just can’t help but get in the way.”

She leans forward. When she’s angry, her tremors worsen. She’s barely able to keep her head still.

“I didn’t...”

“Oh, be quiet. He only feels bad for you because he knows I can’t get rid of you,” she sneers. “He knows you have nothing go for you. No job, no friends, no hobbies.” She sits back and huffs, “I tried to raise you better. I really did. I don’t know what happened.”

You lower your head. Maybe you can come up with a lie. If you can find an excuse to leave, she won’t be able to hate you.

“I could say I’m not feeling well--”

“Just stay out of the way,” she snarls.

You sniff and turn away, hiding the gloss of tears in your eyes. Sometimes, you don’t do anything at all and she’s mad. You hear Steve coming back out and you wipe your nose, keeping your face down as you shrink.

You can be invisible. You’re good at that.

🏠

Not wanting to seem ungrateful, you accept a bowl of ice cream and finish it. Strawberry. It's delicious but you just can't enjoy it. You're uneasy, unsure.

You go to grab some pajamas, your mother issuing another warning before you return to Steve's. You wear a pair of polka dot bottoms and a jersey shirt. You'll just be watching tv, and hopefully, if you can settle down, sleeping.

Your mother sits on the couch. You can see the fatigue quivering in her lip and drooping in her eyelids. She never did as much before your new neighbour. You only ever stayed inside and wilted in the sunlight.

"Holly, you need anything?" Steve asks as he pushes up the ottoman, "how about you put your feet up. I just wanted to show her something."

"What's that?" Your mom asks.

"Oh, yeah, well, I know she likes art so I wanted to show her my studio. Or office, whatever you wanna call it."

"Mm, right. Upstairs, huh?" She grumbles.

"Right," he confirms, "we won't be too long. You can find a movie." He hands her the remote, "I had some extra pencils and stuff I found on the move. Figured she could take em off my hands."

"Sure, sure," she yawns and leans her head in her hands. You can't tell if she's witholding herself out of exhaustion or for Steve's benefit.

"Come on. We'll just pop up for minute," Steve nudges your arm.

You hug one arm across your stomach and push your shoulder up. You take his direction as he points you actoss the room. You go to the stairs and climb one by one.

Further down, he takes you into another room, just across from an open bedroom. You shuffle inside and can't help marvel at the interior. The walls are hung with still lifes in pencil, charcoal, and ink, and an easel stands by the window, a large drafting table at the center of the room.

"You do these?" You ask bluntly.

"Ha, yeah, I... when I saw your sketchbook, I admit, I got a bit excited. A fellow artist."

"You're an artist? You make money off of this?"

"Sure do," he smiles proudly. "Did some time in the army then had to get out, find some peace. Always found painting calms me."

"Oh."

"I wanted to say something sooner but I wanted to show you," he enters and brushes by you, hand dragging across your back. "Let me find those pencils."

You nod and pace cautiously around the table. There's an open sketchbook. A woman's naked back greets you, a piece of fabric draped around her hips as her refined profile is etched perfectly.

He's good. Better than you. You back away as he sorts through the shelf.

'Ah, here," he turns to you again, "pencils, sketchbook, oh and maybe you'll want these watercolours. I was sent two by accident."

"Oh, uh, thanks, but... you don't have to."

"You're talented. You'll make good use of them, I know it."

"Mm, I... try."

"There's this place I know. Great view. Maybe you can come one day. Good fodder," he offers. "Trees, water, and the sunset..."

"Maybe," you agree half-heartedly.

"Then maybe you can bring it to my next art show."

"Art show?" You mutter, eyes rounding.

"Sure. It'll be good for you. I know you take care of your mom and that's sweet but you gotta make your way. Eventually."

"I know," you slump and take the sketchbooks and flat tins from him. "Thank you. I..." you look at the brand names. You know they're expensive from the catalogues you look at but never buy from. "No one... these are so nice. I appreciate it."

"No problem, sweetie. Let me know if you need anything else. Hell, if you want a quiet place to work..." he stops behind you and looks around, "even just an escape..."

“That's okay,” you say as you go back into the hall.

You head back downstairs, the pencils clattering just a little in your hands. As you enter the living room, you hear a snort. Your mom's head lolls back against the couch as she snores. Steve walks into you from behind as he stops too late.

“Oop,” he frames your hips for just a moment as he presses again your back then parts. “Sleepyhead,” he chuckles and sidles past you, a waft of his cologne filling your lungs. He didn't smell so strongly before. “Well, guess it's your choice, sweetie,” he takes the remote and holds it out to you.

“Oh, uh, you choose,” you try to wave him off but he pushes the remote into your hand.

“You can put your stuff on the table,” he points to the sketchbook clutches against your chest, “better get cozy while I get the popcorn going.”

Before you can argue, he's gone. You turn to look at your mom. Why did she have to fall asleep? She could've said no to all of this, that she's too tired. Now it's you and Steve. Hopefully, the movie keeps the chatter to a minimum.

[painted-bees]

I love it when you dive into the psyche stuff with Margie and Raf. I swear I learn something new about myself every time I read a post about them. It's nice that they're both very patient and supportive with each other and that their struggles overlap in a way that grants them more empathy than they might have had otherwise. That said I'm curious to know how they clash, if at all. Does either of them have symptoms that triggers or exasperates the other's symptoms? How do they manage it?

that makes me so happy, thank you ; 0; <3

aaa so, chiefly, the relationship between these two is built on a pretty fundamental feature of "'winning' a situation/conflict is not more important than my partner's well being"--In that, like, they're both very proactive in looking at their situation and assessing if they're responsible for aggravating the situation/provoking a response, and to what extent. So typically, once they realize a situation has gotten away on them, they're both able to take a pause and even physically separate for a hot moment if need be--and then try and figure out what happened, what can be done, and apologize in earnest for any misinterpretation or disproportionate responses, etc. It's usually both of them apologizing to each other after identifying out loud out their own missteps/contributions, and it's usually fine. So a 'big' emotionally charged conflict between them might last like...an hour at most before before it deescalates into more co-operative conversation. Because neither of them want to "win" the fight, they just wanna not be mad at each other and see the other person comfortable--which requires understanding why they're mad rather than leveraging the other's angry response as against them, etc.

Funnily enough, this kind of...conflict resolution style wasn't Raf's initiative (he tends to be a lot more reticent to admit wrongdoing and apologize, lest it be used against him...and he's got a really bad habit of tallying up transgressions in his head and letting those grudges inform him on how much leeway he's willing to give someone before he decides they're straight-up unlikable)--but rather, it's always been Margie's way of negotiating conflict. Probably because she grew up with a very autistic brother, and being able to step away/leave the situation, calm down, and then reconvene to communicate their exact feelings and what provoked those feelings (in a weirdly dispassionate/objective manner of collaborative analysis) was a pretty critical part of her good relationship with him--a solution that evolved organically between them. And, since it worked so well with her brother (and frequently with her parents as well, wherein she'd often be applauded for her show of 'emotional maturity' or whatever lmao), she tries to employ this method with everyone close to her. It doesn't always work out... Earlier in her relationship with Raf, she'd always be first to apologize for provoking certain reactions out of him. As well, she just...never gets angry in response to someone being angry with her. She's also maybe a little too quick to apologize sometimes, which initially would have rubbed Raf the wrong way as being kinda manipulative/insincere (which, it kind of is...but not in a manner employed to gain any kind of upper hand over him)--to which he would deliberately avoid apologizing in response. He'd drop it instead, and act like nothing was wrong in the first place...which (whether consciously or not) is a manipulation tactic of his own, designed to provoke some variation of a "well wait, you were wrong and you need to give me apology" response from her. Which, of course, never came lmao. If Raf says "whatever, it's fine", unless she is also frustrated with herself, she'll take his word at face value. (the same way she does for everyone). Eventually, this leads him to to carefully admit when he feels his reactions are disproportionate. And, after while of that consistently leading to no further aggravation, his short hand to her "Sorry, I didn't mean to/I didn't mean it like that!" becomes a simple "I know. Sorry I barked at you." The gradual comfort of being 'wrong' in those very tiny, low-stake situations is what gives him the confidence to risk admitting he may be "wrong" in bigger conflicts. If, at any point--even once, Margie had taken this vulnerability and wielded it against him in any situation, he'd never let himself 'fall for it' again. But that's yet to happen. Still, it feels disproportionately risky for him to admit out loud, in earnest, that he had any part to play in a misunderstanding or in the construction of a bad situation--Like turning your back on an enemy who is poised to stab you with a knife.

Raf generally tends to be agreeable in most situations, he's a well practiced diplomat despite his disordered outlook and interpretations of things. But--he is stubbornly unapologetic. He'll drop the topic, insist it's no big deal to him anyway, tell you it's fine, to never mind, do what you want, etc. But he won't tell you it's 'his bad' or that he's sorry about anything. And if you don't meet him where's he's at with that then, in his mind, you've become The Problem. Forever. However, his care for Margie and her wellbeing bolsters his conscious efforts to treat her well, even at risk to himself. He'd rather end up in a situation where she's proven to him beyond a shadow of doubt that she never really cared about him and has been using him this whole time--than end up in a situation where he becomes a traumatic ex; someone that hurts her to think about. Therapy helped him determine that, at least in this situation, misplacing his trust is marginally less injurious to him than misplacing his suspicions. But sometimes, it takes him a hot moment to remember this and respond accordingly. Sometimes, it takes him more than a hot moment. Margie's there when he does come around to it though. She has her clear lines in the sand and--though I don't doubt that he's come close in his most fearful moments--he's never crossed them. With that said, yeah--I dunno LOL Raf is clinically predisposed to believe that he is being taken advantage of, or that he will be taken advantage of by anyone, at any given time. Margie can become pretty careless when she is very enthusiastic/eager for something, and her forward momentum does sometimes steamroll right over his toes. It can be more than a little challenging for Raf to stay grounded and respond reasonably when Margie lets excited desire drive her blindly forward at mach speeds when he feels like he's being dragged behind her. Other times, she'll try to dig into why he responded a certain way before he's had time to process and compartmentalize it for himself, all because she feels badly and wants to figure things out with him so that they can both feel better about it. He's learned that this is easily resolved with a terse "I love you, but holy shit, give me some fucking space, please." Which--usually warrants its own apology but, yanno...she gets it. Margie can be very "go go go, this is exciting, this is so fun, this is all that matters right now!! Oof--ow, shit, I hit something, was that a speed bump??" and Raf is often very "wait, what? Wait what!? Wait, that's all that matters?! Wait, what??? Hit the fucking breaks, that speed bump was me and now I am fucking dying." and that's usually where most of their conflict/clashing occurs. Margie will feel disproportionately ashamed/embarrassed/rejected, Raf will feel disproportionately slighted/put upon/mistreated. And if they didn't agree to talk to each other about it, with a shared, genuine desire to see each other in a state of comfort, their relationship probably couldn't thrive.

[rise-my-angel]

I think people tend to misinterpret the scene where Robb receives Tyrion at Winterfell, when he arrives from the Wall with Yoren. At this point Robb is fully aware that the Lannisters are involved in Brans fall and he has been given no reason to think Tyrion is not part if it.

So to him, what he sees is the Lannisters for an unknown reason, pushed his ten year old brother from a tower and crippled him for life. This resentment likely was increased after the assassins attempt on Brans life, since they seem to suspect Bran is being targeted for seeing something he shouldn't have.

Robb now entierly on his own, has to balance both being Lord of Winterfell, the fact that the now awake Bran who is angry, upset, and is saying really morose things like "I'd rather be dead." All while this plot by the Lannisters is just sitting on the back burner. Then suddenly, only after Bran wakes up, does a Lannister come walking back into Winterfell from the Wall looking for hospitality. Robb has every reason to be pissed that Tyrion is here.

The Starks gave the Lannisters their hospitality and the Lannisters replayed that by trying to murder Bran. Then suddenly one comes back into his home, and is asking for the very same hospitality again.

I'd tell Tyrion to fuck off too.

What happens after is actually not a failing of Robb failing at playing a political hand as some accuse him of.

Tyrion: "I must say I received a slightly warmer welcome on my last visit."

Robb: "Any man of the Night's Watch is welcome at Winterfell."

Tyrion: "Any man of the Night's Watch, but not I, eh, boy?"

Robb: "I'm not your boy, Lannister. I'm Lord of Winterfell while my father is away."

Tyrion: "Then you might learn a lord's courtesy."

Tyrion is being incredibly patronizing right here. The way he addresses Robb is disrespectful right from the get go. Tyrion was the one not showing courtesy here, considering Robb could have not let him in the castle walls in the first place.

What he does, is imply he is offended that he isn't being shown the same degree of welcome as last time, and tells Robb he should show him a Lords Courtesy.

Tyrion then does a genuine thing for Bran, and gives him something that will improve his quality of life with his new disability. Robb does not trust Tyrion, or his intentions but recognizes the kind gesture. For Brans sake, he backtracks and agrees to Tyrions previous demand of being shown courtesy. Then what does Tyrion say?

Tyrion: "Spare me your false courtesies, Lord Stark."

He demands to be shown courtesy, then insults Robb when he offers said courtesy for the sake of his little brother. Once more he also says this in a very condescending tone.

Tyrion is not actually offended by Robbs actions, its his ego which was put on trial. He expected the same welcome as was given when he arrived with the King, and when he didn't get it, he showed Robb attitude. Who showed it right back. Then his ego got in the way and decided he didnt actually want Robbs hospitality and once more insults him in front of his own men.

Tyrion fumbled this interaction the second he decided to treat Robb with condescension rather then approach his cold demeanor diplomatically.

From everything Robb knows about the Lannisters part in Brans fall, he has every right to tell Tyrion to fuck off. Tyrion didn't show him respect so Robb doesn't show him respect. But Robb is still the one who does the mature thing, and backtracks his aggression for the sake of Bran, even though it's clear no one else in Winterfell wanted Tyrion there either.

We know Tyrion is innocent, but Robb has no reason to think that. The last time the Starks offered the Lannisters hospitality they tried to kill his brother. Tyrion then speaks to Robb with disrespect first and escalates the situation by insulting the acting Lord of Winterfell in front of his own men.

Robb didn't fuck up this interaction.

Tyrions ego did.

[reminiscentrainclouds]

The Dragon Prince season 6 spoilers below! Just a bunch of my thoughts because boy do I have a lot of them!

I still can't believe the way that whole switcheroo trick with the pearl backfired on Callum. It was so painful to watch because I knewwww it was going to happen the minute he decided to carry the fake down there by himself. Rayla was literally offering to go down there with him!! It would have been so easy for both of them to go down there just in case! I mean, the fake and the pearl both looked exactly the same; it would be easy to make a simple mistake and confuse them, so you'd want to make extra sure you were taking the right one with you!! Callum's confidence is very admirable, but considering he was so worried about it, he really should have been more cautious!

I just really like the way that part of the plot played out. This whole season had soooo much irony in it, but especially with this whole thing. The second it was revealed to be the fake pearl, I was like, "Yippee I was right!!" But also, "They're doomed." Because!! It's left completely unattended!!

And then Sol Regem started attacking Katolis and I was like NOOO IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER. Although at first I was thinking it was gonna get like, smashed or something in the rubble and that would release Aaravos but man. MAN. There was so much more in store, that was a wild ride... Don't even get me started on Viren's sacrifice. I hate him and I think he got what he deserved, both in terms of what he lost and the crushing guilt he felt, but man. I was really sympathizing with him ever since he got revived, and that last scene with him hurt.

But it was a satisfying and fitting conclusion for him. He had intended on swearing off dark magic and attempting to right his wrongs, but instead, after a lifetime of sacrificing other lives for magic, he ends things by sacrificing his own life, which was already stolen after being revived anyway, to help save the people of Katolis. Sucks that he ultimately was convinced to use dark magic again, as if it was something he could never really escape, as if he never really learned anything, but the big difference was that he was sacrificing no other life than his own here. And he did help people. I'm probably massively misinterpreting everything because my interpretations are always kind of off...but he's just a really interesting character.... He made a lot of bad decisions but I understand his motivations, and I feel like he was really quite Doomed By The Narrative, pushed into a corner and faced with two equally bad decisions in many cases. He's the kind of bad guy who I really wish could have had the opportunity of not being a bad guy, y'know?

Aaravos is much worse and much less redeemable to me, but I feel a similar way about him. Like I Get It. Can't relate to what appears to be his thirst for revenge but I can understand. Learning about what happened to his daughter makes me angry on his behalf! The fact that all this had to happen in the first place hurts a lot! All this could really be blamed on that council of Startouch Elves, for what seemed like an extremely unnecessary punishment for his daughter. Although I'm curious about what more information we might get on the whole cosmic order and everything, I don't know. Taking Aaravos's child like that was unnecessarily cruel though; regardless of how serious of a crime or whatever giving humans magic was, there's no way she had bad intentions, and it's not like killing her would reverse what happened. AUGH anyway. What a season.

[x-neurotoxin-x]

Im about to rant so follow me for a second here. I keep seeing a lot of that "Touya was born evil and showed no remorse for the things he did even as a kid" take like, everywhere lately and tbh the blatant misinterpretation of Touya and disregard of canon aspects of his character about this never fails to get on my nerves.

Obv not in a "he did nothing wrong" way, he obviously did a bunch of things wrong and went down a dark path bc of a mix of circumstances, victimization, and his own decisions- which makes him such a good character because of the fact he was shaped by his trauma but also has agency in his crimes and made choices himself that got him where he is. He's not a good person and having regrets/remorse doesn't change that, but you guys are just legitimately wrong about him not having any remorse and being "born wrong" when in canon it's been a clear point multiple times to show he knows right from wrong to a degree and feels guilt for the things he's done. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Dabi is the only villain that I can think of from the league who shows remorse, and to some degree responsibility, for his actions.

A lot of the "evidence" people provide is stuff he did as a kid, like attacking Shouto and "Terrorizing Rei." Both of these Touya expressed regret about on screen with him venting to Natsuo at night about how he(Touya) was wrong that day(when he attacked Shouto) and Shouto didn't do anything.

He also expressed wanting to apologize to Rei for the things he said literally right after waking up from a coma in a strange facility where he was essentially being held hostage for 3 years. One of the first thoughts he had was that he did "awful things" ane needed to apologize to his mom and the rest of his family. (Which is honestly kind of devastating and says a lot about his character at the time that he was in such a traumatic situation and thought like that. Everything about post coma/teen Touya is so goddamn tragic.)

He projected his anger and pain from his abuse onto Shouto when he got older- I.e. everything he did as Dabi to Shouto; fighting him, trying to kill him, etc all of which was fucked up and he had no excuse to do but he DID show remorse for doing it. Legit the last time we see him he apologizes specifically to Shouto and it appears during the final battle he had a moment of clarity and everything about Shouto sank in- the soba moment only further showing that.

We also see that scene way back where he was remembering what Snatch said about the families of the people he killed, and Dabi showed remorse there too with the bloody tear symbolism.

So I really do not understand how ppl still call him born evil and remorseless when in canon it's pretty clear Touya's always been a very hurt, angry person who did terrible things either on impulse or out of pain and felt regret for it, but kept doing it because of trauma, very likely mental illness, and his self destructive tendencies. He got colder as he got older, but he's shown to be still capable of remorse and critical thought. He's not just evil for no reason without any second thought, he's more complex than that. It all makes him such a complicated, human, and relatable character and boiling him down to "-insert the ablest slur you all keep using that starts with the letter S- with no remorse who was born evil and wrong" is not only starting to stink of ableism but just a blatant disregard and misunderstanding of his character in general.

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

Born from the image of Zack looking at a camera with smug arousal as Cloud’s muscled and very marked up thighs sit on his shoulders and clamp around his head.

“Spike! Come here!” Cloud blinked at the sudden shout, making his way out of bed with only a bit of haste. Zack didn’t sound as if he was dying but he’d also shouted so there had to be some sort of urgency to it.

When he made it to the living room Zack was sitting on the floor, back to the couch and phone in hand with an adorable little pout on his features. Cloud resisted the urge to smile at his boyfriend, placing a hand on his hip as he raised an eyebrow in silent question.

The moment Zack took a deep breath he knew this was either going to be a very long winded explanation or he wouldn’t like whatever came out of his mouth.

“So Kunsel keeps trying to set me up with people cause he ‘just wants to see me happy’ or something and doesn’t really believe me when I say I have a boyfriend, cause obviously if Kunsel doesn’t know something then nine times out of ten it doesn’t actually exist. Us being the one time he doesn’t.”

Cloud crossed his arms, no longer fighting his smile as he watched the other man ramble, still waiting for the point he was trying to make.

“Anyway! He’s getting kind of insistent and I know he means well and I don’t wanna get all angry with him about this so could I maybe tell him about us?”

The blond frowned a little now, entirely unsure on this. The whole reason they were sneaking around was because of stupid company policy or whatever and Cloud didn’t wanna risk getting Zack in trouble cause he was, technically, his superior.

Zack seemed to catch onto that train of thought, hands shooting out in front of him as if he was physically blocking the thoughts, “I won’t tell him your name or anything! Honest!”

This time Cloud’s frown was tinged with confusion, “Then what’re you gonna do?”

Zack blushed a little, a rare sight that Cloud fully took advantage of to soak in. When his boyfriend averted his eyes he became just slightly concerned for the idea that he maybe had.

“I mean… kinda hard to misinterpret marked up thighs around your head, don’t ya think?” Zack tacked on an embarrassed, awkward little laugh that did nothing to soothe the rush of shock and embarrassment (and maybe just a smidge of arousal) that went through Cloud.

They stared at one another for a long moment, longer than the point of when Cloud thought Zack would backtrack and say it was a joke. Instead the SOLDIER merely gazed back, embarrassed determination in his features.

Cloud narrowed his eyes slightly, ignoring the blazing heat along the bride of his nose as he pointed an accusing finger, “This is about your thing with my legs isn’t it?”

Zack scoffed abruptly, “No! It’s a legitimate way to prove I have a boyfriend without revealing him!”

Cloud raised an eyebrow, “Ok, maybe a little. But! It really is a good idea! I would never do that with a random hookup and Kunsel knows that! Please baby?”

Cloud lasted all of five seconds against Zack’s puppy eyes before he sighed. Entirely put upon and hiding the fact that he actually really, really liked this idea. It didn’t stop Zack from giving a loud whoop though, standing up and running over to scoop Cloud up so he could them back to the bedroom.

Probably a good thing honestly cause Cloud knew how he got once Zack got going and this would not be a short endeavour.

[finifugue]

Points about The Charlando Fic which is (finally!!!!) in the works, listed in order of what was making me most feral:

Closest thing I will ever get to writing a romcom. Pure 2000s miscommunciation comedy 'everyone's so fucking stupid' realness.

Charles calls Lando 'Hérisson', which means Hedgehog in French. This is what all of this fic is about. The word doc is called 'lando is a hedgehog me n charles know it'

Lando and Charles grow up 'secret friends,' because Lando was already publicly friends with Max when they met

Speaking of Max. He is there. Haunting the narrative in the way he does. Lestappen also haunts the narrative but kind of more in a 'Lando vs. being in love with the guy who your entire fanbase ships with your best friend' way

Lando is chronically online in that he is well aware of the fandom side of F1 and knows all the pairings. This proves certifiably Not Good for him because he keeps basing his understandings of the other drivers on what fans see, i.e. he doesn't realise that Charles likes him back bc he's too busy hateshipping him and max lmao

Oscar, meanwhile, is convinced through some accidental drunken confessions which he misinterprets that Lando is in love with Max. Tries to set them up. Does not realise he's got the wrong guy.

Charles gets the brunt of the hurt/comfort on that because the second he realises he's in love with Lando, he decides that as a result of Oscar's behaviour, clearly Lando is in love with Max.

Max is, while all of this is going down, happily in a relationship with a pregnant Kelly, and entirely oblivious to the entire situation.

I cannot emphasise enough how oblivious Max is. Charles and Lando are in a ten-year-long painful yearning angry mutual-dumbassery situationship because of him and Oscar is committing war crimes trying to make Lando admit he's in love with the complete wrong dude and George, Alex and Pierre are watching the whole thing happen with copies of 10 Things I Hate About You for when their respective lovesick fool needs it and he's just like. "I love my friends (: I will invite them to the baby shower."

Speaking of. Charles and Lando are both obsessed with 10 Things I Hate About You. They watch it after every time they have a stupid fight because they can't bring themselves to admit they have feelings for each other. Nobody but George sees the irony in this.

Send me some asks if yall have any Qs! I'm excited abt this fic so i'd love to yap about it some more (:

[melancholic-pigeon]

During my class, we talked about the difference between like, Catholic guilt versus the kind of atonement that's associated with Yom Kippur. The phrasing that was used was "course correction", which my moral OCD really found helpful. It's not "you're a terrible person who must suffer in repentance", it's "Who do I want to be? Where did I stray in being that person over the last year? How can I correct my course so that I am closer to the person I want to be next year?"

I talked to my therapist about certain things that recently happened that I won't devote any more air time to specifics on unless I'm forced by someone else's actions. And I've been thinking about it and turning it over in my head, because it still has me pretty shaken!

But basically, I got a very clear, very vivid image of the kind of person who says "Kindness is so important, unless I'm the one being unkind, then it's okay". I found a pattern of unkindness and justifications afterwards for said unkindness. I realized the path I've been going down this past year leads to a destination I find revulsive.

I don't want to be mean. I don't want to let my anger eat through my load bearing walls. I don't want to be the kind of person who snaps in anger, who defends others snapping in anger, who spends her time justifying her outbursts of poor emotional regulation and who blames everyone but myself for my own big feelings.

I've been down this path before, and it's something I'm ashamed of. I don't like being full of rage, but it's way too easy for me to get swept up in someone else's excuses for why their own uncontrolled rage isn't destructive and totally won't ruin all their relationships or give them a reputation for being a combative hair-trigger who will scream at people over innocuous things or miscommunications and then scream at them more for tone policing when told screaming at people for misunderstandings is rude.

I don't want to be fueled by anger. I don't want to be bitter and mean and judgmental and suspicious. I don't want to turn into the kind of person who spends their day arguing on tumblr dot com about how actually I am special enough to be trusted with the death note because I am a Good Person who would only use it on evil people. I don't want to be the kind of person who lashes out every time I misunderstand someone and then punishes them for clearing up the misinterpretation because it made me look bad.

I don't want to be a bully. I don't want to enable bullies. I don't want to defend bullying. And I want to get better at actually listening to the voice in my head (maybe the voice of HaShem) telling me "Hey, you know better than this, you know this is wrong, why are you letting a charismatic bully sway your actions and pull you along to defend them?"

So, yeah. This year I'm working on improving my de-escalation skills and getting a much tighter rein on my anger. Rage is like fire: it's a great source of energy, but it will also destroy you completely and turn everything you love into ash if you don't keep. it. controlled.

I want to reaffirm that it's not okay to blow up at people because you're having a bad day. That if I've done this to you, I'm really, deeply fucking sorry, and I use that in the New England Intensifier way. I fucked up a number of times over this past year, I'm not okay with it, I don't WANT to be okay with it, and I'm just...sick of being angry. I'm sick of watching people hurt each other. I'm sick of being complicit. I'm sick of holding the idea that "being mean is not praxis" is a controversial viewpoint that should be kept away from activism rather than a preschool level ground rule for how not to actively make your community worse and more hostile.

I'm tired of all of it. I don't want to be in this place anymore. It's dangerous to all of us when we lean into the idea that our anger is paramount and angry responses are always justified.

I just....if your behavior towards other activists on your side is to treat them like you're the mustachioed villainous husband in a lifetime movie about an abused soccer mom and then criticize others for telling you that's shitty, that's a bad thing! But I've historically been way too easy to shame into accepting this premise, and it doesn't matter why I ended up there. What matters is that I did, in fact, enable this behavior from people, excuse this behavior from people, and defend proponents of this behavior. And I hate that I did it, but I did.

Frankly, it makes me ill to think about. But it makes me more ill to think about not even trying to do better.

This year, I'm trying to do better.

Fast easy if you're fasting, everyone ✡️

[nexttrickanvils]

B2J with any boss of your choice with anger 3

Anger 3. How is this my fault?

“HOW IS THIS MY FAULT!?”

“You don’t explain stuff clearly! You trying to give me directions is like:”

May proceeded to wave her arms around which just seemed to further anger Eve.

“I do not explain clearly!? What on Earth was that flailing supposed to represent!?”

Zuke sighed. He had hoped when he and May offered to help Eve with her current project that it would be a good chance to bond.

After all, he and Eve had agreed to try things again as friends and she and May have been taking steps to get along.

But he probably should have seen the “creative differences” coming.

He stood by as May and Eve continued to argue until finally walking away from each other. May collapsed onto a nearby loveseat (earning yet another glare from Eve) and sulked.

Eve practically stomped out of the studio, claiming she had to look over something.

Without a word, Zuke walked over to May and sat down next to her.

“Want to talk?”

“UGGGGGGHHHHH”

“...Is that a "no” or…?”

“How does she expect anyone to understand what she's talking about!? I'm not freaking psychic and being in her head last time resulted in us getting stomped on and flicked at and lasered!”

May looked at Zuke with confusion in her eyes.

“The two of you used to be close, how the heck did you manage to even talk to her?”

Zuke looked thoughtful for a moment before replying.

“Well, Nadia always preferred to let her art and actions do the talking for her and as someone who tended to be quiet, I kind of related to that. That said… we had our fair share of communication issues.”

Moments where he misinterpreted what she meant, moments where he took her too literally, and more that just added to the growing rift between them.

“I know you prefer when people are more direct, especially when they’re trying to tell you to do something and Nadia can do that but she never liked the idea that “art had to explain itself to be understood” as she’d put it.”

“I mean I guess she’s got a point but where am I supposed to even start with “Embrace your fire!?””

With that Zuke stood up from the love seat and shot a reassuring look to May.

“Look, I really want what we’re doing to work out so I’ll talk to Eve, okay?”

May immediately stood up and grabbed Zuke’s arm before he could take a step.

“No, I should talk to her. We all want this to work out and that’s not gonna happen if we just make you be our middleman instead of talking like grown-ups.”

Zuke looked surprised but then smiled, “Okay.”

Before anything else could be said, the door to the studio swung open. Eve came back inside, looking less stressed than earlier but still a little tired.

“Alright. Let us start this again from the top.”

Zuke then glanced at May and gave her a nod. She then took a deep breath and made her way to Eve.

“Actually before that… I’m sorry about getting angry and yelling. I know you want your art to speak for itself but… It’s just kinda hard for me to figure something out just from vibes.”

For a moment, it looked like there was a gleam of understanding in Eve’s uncovered eye.

“I… I must admit that I prefer to express my thoughts in a more abstract way than most would prefer. So I also apologize for losing my temper at you.”

May smiled, “Great! So… if you don’t mind, what was it you meant when you told me to “embrace my fire?” I know you’ve compared me to fire before… in not a nice way but still.”

“Yes when I made the comparison, I was thinking of how wild and destructive fire can be. But I do realize now that that is not all fire can be…”

Zuke watched in relief as Eve and May started to have a more productive conversation. 

There were still issues of course, with May’s impatience with Eve’s explanations and Eve’s frustrations when she had to repeat something.

But he could tell that the two were trying to do better.

It wasn’t much but Zuke was proud of the two taking those little steps of progress.

[septemberfalconer]

Hello and welcome to my TEDTalk, once again about Naomi Novik’s Spinning Silver, about how Stepon is Autistic. I have textual evidence to support this claim, as well as a peer diagnosis from the Group Chat:

In Stepon’s first POV in chapter 11, the first two paragraphs (page 156, US hardback edition):

“I like goats because I know what they will do. If I leave the pen open, or there is a loose post, they will get out and run away…I can understand goats. I tried to understand Da, because I thought if I did, hew would hit me less, but I didn’t ever manage it, and for a long time I didn’t understand Wanda, because she was always telling me to go away, but she would make me food along with everyone else and give me clothing sometimes. Sergey was kind to me most of the time, but sometimes he wasn’t, and I didn’t know why about that, either.”

He doesn’t get social stuff! He gets the animals more than people because animals are predictable and make sense to him. His Da is always angry and abusive and nothing changes that. Wanda resents having to take care of him and resents loving him but does anyway and he doesn’t get it. Sergey is nicer but not always and tells Stepon the truth about their Mama but Stepon doesn’t get why sometimes Sergey is short tempered with him. He gets why the goats do what they do. There isn’t a question there, no difficult waters to navigate.

In Stepon’s chapter 13 POV (page 205, US hardback edition):

“Someone else had lived in the house also, I remembered Wanda talking about them, but I couldn’t remember their name. It made me feel strange trying to remember when the name didn’t come, because names always came when I wanted them to. […] If I found them then I could just have asked what their name was and I would stop feeling strange.”

My boy Stepon never forgets a name! He knows the names of everyone he’s ever met or heard of and it’s weird and bothers him when he can’t.

Also chapter 13, (page 205-206):

“It was the day after market day in the fourth week of the month, so that meant Wanda was going to collect from the two villages down the cart-track going southeast from town and the names to collect from were Rybernik, Hurol, Gnadys, Provna, Tsumil, and Dvuri. I said the names over to myself on the way because they made a nice song in my head. When I got there I knocked on all the doors I saw and asked their name and if they said one of those names then I held out the basket…Then I brought the basket to Panova Mandelstam and told her, “I am not too younger after all.” She looked in the basket and then she was very upset. I didn’t know why, but then Panov Mandelstam put his hand on my shoulder very gently and said, “Stepon we should have explained. It is very important not to make any mistakes when collecting, and to keep a careful account. Do you think if you try very hard you can remember and tell us exactly where you went, and who gave you each thing?” “Yes,” I said. “This is the day of the month Wanda goes to Rybernik, Hurol, Gnadys, Provna, Tsumil, and Dvuri,” and then I pointed to each thing and told him who gave it to me. I thought Panova Mandelstam was still unhappy afterwards, but she gave me some dumplings with a thick sauce with carrots and potatoes and real chicken meat in it, and a cup of tea with two big spoons of honey, so I must have been wrong.”

The MEMORY on this kid!! He knows his sister’s schedule by heart and knows what’s okay to accept for payment! He makes little songs out of what he needs to remember! Again he’s not sure how to understand the emotions of the people around him, misinterpreting Panova Mandelstam’s upset at him going out to work for them and putting himself in harm’s way as being upset with him for maybe messing up the accounts.

Stepon’s chapter 14 POV (page 231, US hardback edition):

“..One of them yelled “How does it feel to have killed your own father?”

They ran away into the trees and didn’t wait for an answer but I thought about it the rest of the way. I wasn’t sure if I had killed my father, because I had only wanted him to not hit Wanda with the poker; I hadn’t wanted him to fall over me. But he had fallen over me and that was part of why he was dead, so maybe it didn’t matter that I hadn’t wanted it. I didn’t know.

I did know that it felt good ot be living with Panov and Panova Mandelstam. I had stopped feeling hungry even a little bit. But anytime I thought about Sergey and Wanda, even if I was sitting at the table, I felt like I had swallowed stones instead of food.”

I’ve decided to leave out the rest of Stepon’s thoughts about what would be better, if Sergey and Wanda were with him and the Mandelstams or not for the sake of space, but it continues to prove the point I want to make. He’s analytical! This isn’t a kid who can lie to himself even for the sake of comfort. He could give himself the scant distance from his father’s death that “I didn’t want him to die” could buy him, but he knows he can’t. He was there, his father tripped over him, and his brother and sister are gone now. He doesn’t know if he will see them again, and this is still likely the best outcome because he isn’t hungry and frightened and cold anymore. But he still wants his brother and sister and would rather be cold and alone in the woods looking for them than “live with the stones in [his] stomach.”

Continuing Chapter 14, this time page 232-233:

“..but he said it too kindly, the way you say nice things to a goat when you are trying to get it to come so you can tie it up. It did  not mean he wanted to hurt me. He only wanted to keep me in a good safe warm place so I wouldn’t die in the snow somewhere. But if I stayed in this place, I would never see Wanda and Sergey again… “Sergey and Wanda were going to go to Vysnia. They wanted to ask someone for work.” I had to think about it because he was someone’s grandfather, and I didn’t know who the someone was, which was strange. But I did know the grandfather’s name. “Panov Moshel.”

This time I had to cut it off because if I include Panova Mandelstam realizing Miryem is gone I’ll make this post about that instead. But! Stepon is coming in again with his goat analogies, which I love. He’s picked up some great ways to tell how people are feeling but he’s steadfast, and again with his excellent memory. He can’t remember Miryem right now, but he can remember he grandfather’s name, even though he overheard that when Wanda and Sergey were just talking as he collected the nut from their Mama’s tree. He still remembers!

Stepon’s POV in chapter 15 (page 254):

“Are you warm enough Stepon?” Panova Mandelstam asked me. I said I was because however warm I was, that had to be warm enough, because there was nothing to do about it if I wasn’t.”

This is short but I really like the directness he has here. He is cold, as he says in the next couple of lines. But Stepon knows that nothing is capable of making him warmer, even in the best place in the sleigh, so he says he’s warm enough.

Again in chapter 15 (page 256):

“Then he straightened and looked at Algis. Algis was standing next to the back of the sleigh. His head was hanging. He said, “I didn’t fill the bucket.” He meant the grain bucket. So there was no food for the horses.

Panov Mandelstam didn’t say anything for a minute. The silence felt very long. Finally he said, “It is lucky this is a late snow. There will still be some fresh growth under. We must dig and get them some grass and whatever else we can find for them to eat.”

He was still kind, but I thought that he had not felt kind, and that was why he had been quiet. I thought that meant he must be very worried. So then I was very worried.”

Analytical! As always! Stepon is learning how to distinguish emotions, and he’s getting his queues from those around him. He knows that it’s bad for the horses to not have food, but he’s not worried until he realizes that Panov Mandelstam is. Stepon also spends the rest of the chapter making sure to remember how no one else would have forgotten the grain bucket. I don’t think that actually plays into him being autistic, but it’s very funny to me. Wanda would have remembered to fill the grain bucket, Algis.

I don’t have any examples that jump out to me from Chapter 16, but I want to note that I love how aware Stepon is of how other people are feeling. Does he understand why? Not always. But he knows Wanda is scared when she realizes the mattress cover is big enough.

Stepon’s POV in chapter 19 (pages 334-335):

“Wanda and Sergey went downstairs to help with the wedding. “Will you come, Stepon?” Sergey asked me, but I shivered, remembering all those people crammed together, in the rooms and in  the streets, more people than I knew there to be in the whole world. “No, no no,” and they didn’t make me, but they went, and after a while the sun started to go down, and I started to not like being alone in the room…I pulled my head back inside, but the house was getting so loud and full of people that I heard some of that same noise even when I closed the window. It came up through the fireplace and under the door. It got louder and louder and then music started playing. It was loud music, and people were dancing to it. I felt it in my feet not just in my ears. I sat on the bed and covered me ears and I still  felt it coming up all the way through the house. It kept going on and on. It was all the way dark outside and I was really afraid now because why would Wanda and Sergey stay down in all that noise unless something bad made them. I had my face pressed up against my knees and my arms over my head, and then there was a knock on the door. I didn’t say to come in because I would have had to take my arms from over my head, but Panova Mandelstam came inside anyway. “Stepon, are you all right?” she said. She meant it but she didn’t really mean it, I could tell. She was thinking about something else. But when I didn’t say anything back and didn’t pick my head up, she started to really mean it, and then she went and got the candle she had left on the table for us and she took out a couple of big lumps of wac from it and blew on them until they weren’t hot, and she said, “Here, Stepon, put the wax in your ears.”

I thought I would try. I took my hand away for just a little bit and took the wax. It was still warm and soft. I pushed it inot my ears and it squished into the little spots and then it stopped being so warm and the noise stopped being so loud on that side. I could still feel it in my body but I couldn’t feel it so much. So then I was very glad and I took the other lump of wax and that helped too.”

Sensory overload my beloathed. Stepon, buddy, you are me and I am you. Why WOULD they be around all of those people and all of that noise? My boy would have LOVED noise cancelling headphones if they existed in this world. This scene really resonated with me the first time I read Spinning Silver, to the point that I had to read it twice. I have been here before except no one gave me anything to dull the noise.

Stepon’s POV chapter 21 (page 393-394):

“I did not mind taking them off because it was warm, and I was sitting in a cart anyway. I was glad to be leaving that terrible city. It was even worse than before. The streets were all crowded with people everywhere because now there was no snow and they wanted to be outside and they all wanted to talk at the same time and make noise. I lay down in the bottom of the cart next to the sacks that were pretending to be Miryem and I tried to pretend to be a sack myself, but I wasn’t a sack…Panov Mandelstam got down to pay the man at the gate some money, because that city was such a terrible place we had to pay to be let out.”

He hates this place! He wants his quiet little house back, thank you and goodbye. He’d prefer to have his whole family with him, but any leaving back to his safe, quiet place is best. This city is too crowded and too noisy and his life would be easier if he was a sack that couldn’t hear but he’s not so he’s just gonna lay there.

That’s the end of his POV chapters and I don’t wanna use evidence from any of the other characters POV’s because that can very too much and also I’m not currently rereading it was easiest to just go back to passages I’d already marked because I’ve been thinking of this for a while. Anyway! Stepon is autistic, thank you for reading my roughly 2400 words so far, I will not be taking challenges to this. Seriously if you try being mean about this I’m gonna block you.

[ardentpoop]

Im curious so I got to ask you what do you think about the whole sam not looking for Kevin thing? Is it in character or out? Is it just poor writing? Do you hold Sam accountable for that to an extent? I personally found the writing to be contrived and that it was just put there for conflict. But I do think Sam did make mistake, and I think Sam knows it to. But it is understandable to some extent because Sam literally had no one to help take on the literal ruler of hell and it’s not like he intentionally ignored Kevin’s calls. My personal gripes with the whole not looking for Kevin is that the fandom blows it out of proportion and it’s just always endlessly brought up. But in the show it’s really no big deal. Kevin forgives Sam very easily and doesn’t seem that bothered by it. He understands and they move on quickly.

doesn’t do much for me one way or another lol. the fandom is, as usual, thoughtless, and buying dean’s biased perspective on everything uncritically. dean used sam forgetting abt kevin as one reason to berate him bc what he was actually angry at sam for was him Selfishly Running Away from hunting (read: leaving the murder cult when he thought dean was dead after he DID try looking for him but had no reason to suspect he was stuck in purgatory.)

like you’re telling me dean suddenly genuinely cares abt kevin’s well-being at the precise moment he’s furious w/ sam for returning to a version of his pre-series mindset where walking away from hunting(/dean) is a viable option that he’s actually motivated to take? DEAN???? dean “when’s that little idiot gonna stop running from us” winchester, who responded to sam’s “well you did try to kill his mother” with “she was possessed! it’s different.” and who encouraged and enabled kevin to burn himself out translating the tablets because “play through the pain”? ok fandom. whatever.

anyway I have no interest in defending sam for not helping kevin while dean was gone because it is 1) not compelling to me outside of it being used by dean - and by extension the fandom - to punish sam, and 2) it is kind of the point that anyone who gets close to these two by “joining the hunt” gets royally fucked over. like it’s an intentional part of the story. it is even outright stated through dialogue numerous times. AND 3) to be clear kevin shouldn’t have forgiven sam OR dean he would’ve been right to hate them viciously for what they did to him together. I personally am more disapproving of dean’s role than sam’s bc as usual for mid-to-late-seasons supernatural sam’s role was passive and dean’s was active. but it was all bad - this is key.

ultimately though I fucking loathed this discourse when it was popping up everywhere after the season originally aired and I fucking loathe it today given ppl are still regurgitating the same empty talking points to bash sam while praising dean. my bigger concern is with understanding sam’s mindset shift over the course of s8 because it is fascinating and heartbreaking and one of the most thoroughly misinterpreted arcs in the show.

[crazycookiemaniac]

I need to vent because this situation is driving me crazy. I'm doing it under the cut so you won't have a gigantic post attacking your time-line.

So, for content: me and my middle sister (I'll call her "Brownie" in this post to make things easier) are addicted to Coca-Cola. Such as myself, Brownie is an artist (though above all, she's a jack-of-all-trades), but she's never had any luck finding a stable job or offering work as a freelancer, so I was always the one to buy Coke for us. However, sometimes I put the damn drink in the fridge so I could drink it later and, a few hours later, I went back to get my coca cola and the bottle was gone. My sister had been taking the entire bottle to her room. That pissed me off so hard because even when i told her to stop doing that, she got mad and continued doing it. So, one day, I told her to stop because I was the one who bought it. Now, I never meant that as in "I have money and you don't" kind of way (which is exactly how she interpreted it), I meant it as in "you can drink the coke but it's foe the both of us, not for you to monopolize it" kind of way. But since she loves purposefully misinterpreting stuff, she took it personally and stopped drinking the coke i bought after sheer spite.

Time passed, we both got over it, and I started drinking zero sugar coca cola instead of the original one, although i still bought the original one for her. About a month and a half ago, I wanted a bottle to fill with water and opened the fridge to see if I could find anything. I found two original coke bottles: one had a little over around 100ml, and the other was full. So I disposed of the rest of the almost empty bottle, washed it, and filled it with water. A few hours later, Brownie opened the fridge and asked what happened to the bottle I had taken for me and I explained that I wanted a water bottle, to which she VERY angrily and rudely replied, "Don't go throwing other people's stuff away!!". In that moment I got pissed and replied, "I'm the one who bought it." After that, she immediately shut up. Mom told her she could simply drink from the other full bottle, and she replied, absolutely outraged that she didn't want it anymore.

After that, she stopped looking at me. She stopped talking to me. I even wrote her an apology message and sent it to her via phone (since she wouldn't look at my face), and she never replied. Slowly, she's started to look and give me short replies, but she refuses anything I buy for her and it's so GOD DAMN frustrating.

It makes me sad and angry and anxious and honestly this is such a ridiculous situation. It's just a damn drink for God's sake.

[warriorprincesstramp]

right ok. I'm so exhausted I think it's making my anger a lot more composed but I'm ummmm actually really angry! haha! text message guy was being a fucking dickhead all night with his stupid dickhead friend who keeps egging him on and sharing stupid unfunny offensive jokes where the joke is just like fucking. saying the word aids or pedophile or whatever. proper juvenile shit genuinely I don't Get what is funny. well they were drunk so that's the answer I guess. and then they doing the guy thing and the drunk thing of being overly friendly in a way that's making fun of you being kind of rude and being fucking. attention seeking. and loud and interrupting me and my friend (who was a fucking godsend except for a moment we'll get to in a second ��) who were just being chill and watching the live music. and it goes on so much longer than anticipated I'm tired I only basically went because I wanted to show my friends they should still invite me to stuff LOL and because a potential new friend was gonna be there too. but that's not relevant except to let you know my I was already not in a bitchy mood by any means I was just sort of ready to Go. and I left my stuff in my (chill) friend's room on campus so we all (chill friend, text message guy, his twat friend) went there. and they would not stop with these stupid jokes over and over and I was like " 😐 you literally have three jokes" and in response the twat friend said "no like I was saying I'm not even drunk I'm sober rn" just to give you a sense of what I was dealing with in terms of conversation. and I was over it I wanted to fucking leave but they kept going even in the hallway while my chill friend went to the loo. I don't remember specifically what set it off but I had already stopped acknowledging them/humouring them at all I just ignored them then it got bad enough I walked off. and those stupid cunts FOLLOWED ME . and were like teeee tee we're sorryyy 😥😥😥 in that stupid childish drunk way and I was like I'm fine it's fine I just need to go. and they could tell I was mad at this point. and fucking text message guy. has the AUDACITY. to go "aw, come on tee, you know we love you"

😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😑😑😑

and I, admittedly in a manner that made me feel for a brief moment like a Bad Bitch, replied without missing a beat: "yeah I know- you fucking texted it to me, remember?"

and then it was out there!!!!! I said it finally I was just so angry and frankly I did say it to try and hurt him and embarrass him I'll say it lol because I felt fucking embarrassed that whole night and with the whole stupid ordeal anyway. and there was SUCH a relief. like ok I said it it's out. I said it EXPLICITLY. There was no way to misinterpret what I just said to him even with him drunk like that. I did the hard thing I did the confrontation now I should get the reward of finding out what the fuck is his problem. and he delays for a moment, still with mothballs in his skull, and then goes "oh" but like not an "oh shit" oh more like he was just remembering it and he LAUGHS and goes "...and you sent the question mark...?" and EYE say "and you never fucking explained what that was, yeah" and I was fucking fuming I was heated I wasn't yelling but like. I was mad. lowkey wish chill friend was there I think their reaction would have been crazy. sorry I luv to narrativise my stupid life! anyway. and he's just like oh yeah. and then laughs. and goes. 😐😐😐😐😐. he goes, "well I guess you'll never know." all smug. and I wanted to break his neck. like it's not even that there's any truth to it you fucking gave it away you admitted it was a message to me you admitted you saw the text back you admitted that these were all deliberate choices! If not now than in a second when you keep fucking talking. but the way he said it like it was so funny keeping that from me. when I was so stressed about it and about protecting HIS feelings. fuck him oh my god.

but yeah so he does that and then the twat who caught only half of it and is using negative percents of his brain is like wait what message! what message! and text guy laughs and just goes haha just a message I sent to show my appreciation for tee! and the twat is like you're such a sap man. or something to that effect. I'm literally doing deep breathing rn typing this fucking hell. and of course coming out of the loo chill friend hears ONLY this small bit and I don't know now if they understood at any point that I was no longer kind of tired and annoyed by what I will extremely generously call their "drunk antics," but instead was seriously pissed. but they go, at this point thinking everything is still chill and a laugh, "what, are you two an item now?" and I just felt so small and miserable. and I just muttered "ask fucking [guy's name]" and kept moving I wanted to scream. because still he could not just be fucking straight with me and was messing me about for no reason at all. and by the time our paths diverged I just sort of loudly went BYE! without any sentimentality or individual goodbyes as they went to a bar and I went on my way home. and then I immediately called my friend and yelled about this so loudly and viciously I'm sure the entirety of the fucking city heard about it. I literally was like "hey it's late I hope you're not busy or trying to sleep" and as soon as she said she could talk I went. I hope the guy who sent me that fucking text kills himself. and I mean it.

[damnfandomproblems]

4704: I'm bored, so I'll bite. To the person in the reblogs, what is your damage? You made a ton of assumptions about OP, when we simply don't have the context to really know if OP was, in fact, being "a twat". Common sense dictates you should only draw conclusions based on the information you have, and for all we know, the fic writer could have just misinterpreted the comment, and that's why OP thought they were being rude, maybe they weren't rude at all. Maybe the OP was being an asshole, but we literally don't have a verbatim copy of their comments to confirm either way.

So... "Probably" did this? "Probably" did that? Says who? You, wanting to jump to conclusions? Meanwhile, we *know* the fic writer deleted the fic. And regardless of whether OP was being an asshole, it's still wild that the fic writer would delete their whole fic, just because of that one asshole. I don't blame all the other comments for pointing that out. If someone is so clueless that they post a fanfic on the open internet, ignorant of the fact there may be occasional trolls and other jerks, and one rando posting a couple comments is all it takes for them to delete the fic forever, cutting off access to literally anyone else who could've read it (and given positive comments), that's so beyond reasonable. I've seen my fair share of these kinds of people, and the common thread is they put all their eggs in one basket where validation goes, so as soon as they receive any negative comment, while they have a right to be annoyed and angry, they react *so* strongly that they just throw a tantrum that is disproportionate to the comments received, then they take it a step further and delete all their stuff, all of it... When they could've just blocked or ignored the person who commented. And OP didn't get the latter, they got the overzealous, nuclear reaction.

Also, accusing anyone who agrees with OP of, well, being OP? That ain't a good look. Not everyone who defends a person (or a group of people) is that person, or belongs to that group. If that were the case, we wouldn't have cis allies, or human animal rights activists. So, uh, get over yourself, you've committed a dozen different logical fallacies in a small handful of posts.

Posting since this is a response to a previous problem.