#angry mostly at myself being so biased

[monstrouscrew]

the more i read ST song analysis, the more i am surprised about how others perceive what I've been considering basic human knowledge. like prot from K-Pax the film, i'm like "everyone knows this about the world we live in", and the reality is something entirely else.

[riddle-rosethorns]

I can't believe I missed the fact that your requests are open! I've failed you, Mr. President... ;_;

Request time: could I get some headcanons for what kinds of music the housewardens listen to?

The Housewardens' Music Taste

Summary: Having your own private dorm room at NRC means having the freedom to blast whatever you want through your speakers. But just what exactly are our dorm leaders listening to when nobody else is around?

Characters: All Housewardens Pairings: None CWs: Swearing, she/they pronouns for Idia.

A/N: I'm sorry this took *checks calendar* almost ten months for me to answer, I promise it hasn't been for lack of interest! Sometimes writing is hard and my brain is mean. Thank you for your patience! These takes are admittedly heavily biased by my own music taste and knowledge, so feel free to let me know if you think I missed any artists!

Riddle Rosehearts

You can't convince me his mom wasn't constantly playing classical music for him when he was growing up. I honestly think he still defaults to classical music, especially to improve his focus while reading or studying.

I also think Cater has definitely exposed him to a lot more modern music and, though he is undoubtedly very picky, there's even some of it he likes.

Artists that come to mind for Riddle include Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky, Red Velvet, and Mitski.

Leona Kingscholar

For the most part, I'd imagine Leona mostly listens to pretty chill music that's easy to nap to, like R&B or soft rock.

That's not to say he doesn't actively enjoy listening to music though. If he's in the mood to jam, I could see him turning on some hip-hop or even some angry punk music.

Artists that come to mind for Leona include Lil Nas X, Gorillaz, Gym Class Heroes, and The Weeknd.

Azul Ashengrotto

Lounge music feels like the easy answer here. Lots of smooth jazz and easy listening.

However, I also can't resist suggesting that Azul might have a secret fondness for electro-swing that he keeps secret due to the genre's reputation for being considered "cringe".

Artists that come to mind for Azul include Frank Sinatra, Kenny G, Michael Bublé, and Caravan Palace.

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim strikes me as one of those guys that would say that he likes every genre of music, only he would actually mean every genre- rap and country included.

That being said, his preference definitely skews heavily in the direction of songs that he can dance to. Bonus points if the composition and instrumentation have a clear Scalding Sands influence.

Artists that come to mind for Kalim include Cascada, Saint Levant, Shakira, and Christina Aguilera.

Vil Schoenheit

For Vil, my brain immediately jumps to all the gayest, poppiest, cunt-serviest stuff I can think of. Imagine every song you and your friends might put on a playlist for pride with some sad girl music sprinkled in for flavor.

Being in Film Studies Club, I'd also imagine he spends a decent amount of time listening to and analyzing movie soundtracks, though whether this counts as part of his "music taste" is up for debate.

Artists that come to mind for Vil include Lady Gaga, Todrick Hall, Britney Spears, and MARINA.

Idia Shroud

This bitch's playlists are absolutely filled with Vocaloid songs, nightcore remixes, anime openings, and video game soundtracks. She is an absolute fucking nerd and I know her music taste reflects this. Let's not forget she is canonically an idol stan.

As for "normal" music, I think they probably listen to about what you'd expect- weird emo shit.

Artists that come to mind for Idia include My Chemical Romance, Utsu-P, Yasuharu Takanashi, and Will Wood.

Malleus Draconia

I genuinely don't even know where to start with Malleus. I feel like this guy listens to Gregorian chants and spooky Halloween sound effect compilations.

In all seriousness, I feel like Malleus would greatly enjoy pieces involving stringed instruments, seeing as he has a talent for playing them. The rest of his music taste probably stems from whatever Lilia and the others have exposed him to, and so is likely very strange.

Artists that come to mind for Malleus include The Correspondents, Burn the Ballroom, Scissor Sisters, and Lindsey Stirling.

[landoom]

(I’m the anon who brought up people not liking Oscar for off track stuff)

Yeah, I agree with all of that, I think. I try really hard to check my biases while also reserving my right to have an opinion. And just to clarify- I absolutely don’t think Oscar is nearly as much of an asshole as some drivers! It’s just his particular brand of PR that irks me… and some other things… anyways, not your problem. lol

I may not like Oscar much, not hate, and I actually feel kinda bad about not liking him, but I’m not out shouting hate against him for unfair reasons.

That’s the thing, right? We don’t have to agree, but it’s not cool to spread hate or wish ill upon someone for being a bit of a dick as a racing driver, on or off.

But to be fair, a lot of blogs are a “what you see is what you get” so we can block each other. And people should be allowed to vent… hmm.

McLaren has handled things poorly (race strategy and PR) in my opinion, and so many fans are vocally toxic that it exacerbates every tiny thing.

Some Hardcore Lando fans (kinda somewhat myself included) are so used to him being attacked for anything and everything he does that we’re super defensive of him, sometimes in unhealthy ways. Lando gets A LOT of hate. Way more than Oscar has. Way more. I always have to give myself a day after a race to let my emotions cool down. Just like some of the drivers have to! 😂😛 But I am very defensive of Lando, sometimes to my own detriment, I get so angry at people. I recognize that.

And McLaren has done exactly nothing to defend him, which I find distasteful.

Anyways, this turned into a tangent. 🤦‍♀️ I am so sorry. Ahhhh

(I’m so glad you didn’t take that ask poorly and it came across how I meant it, I do appreciate that we can have a calm discussion without either of us trying to change the others opinion ❤️)

Once again I agree with mostly everything.

Just the part about being able to block Tumblr means people can vent here... Yes but then they need to tag accordingly.

If you really want to hate on a driver, then tag it. That means realising you're perhaps going over the limit and that your words can be read as disrespectful or hurtful.

Because there is something I really despise in this fandom at the moment and on social media in general: how hate is becoming accepted, seen as normal or even glorified (through likes and views, etc...). It shouldn't! People should feel ashamed of hating or wishing harm to other people, especially ones who they don't even know, that aren't hurting them in any way! You can have an outburst brought out by your passion for F1 and adrenalin and acknowledge (like your doing) that you went over the limit. But some people are creating their whole online persona over being a hater!

Also, as a Lando fan too, I can completely understand the part about Lando being hated for nothing or never doing the "right" thing whatever he does. And I agree it makes us a bit defensive.

But we won't fight hate with hate! Some Lando fans are treating Oscar exactly like they are complaining other people treat Lando! I'm sorry but I can't understand that...

[threepoint14art]

I'm gonna word vomit about the nightmares because GOD I'm listening to great escape on loop and i feel like I'm going insane so yeah if you wanna read that im gonna put it under the cut because its probably gonna be LONG TLDR: I love them and they make my head hurt

We know the nightmares are not good people, like at all. The very first instance we see them is in the episode literally titled "BONNIES NIGHTMARE" and yeah, they sure are his nightmare.

They harass him for money as a "tradition", Bonnie doesn't have any, they try and take his guitar, until there they’re pretty standard random assholes, then meg says "they know where you live" when Bon tries to intervene and refers to them as a complete group, "the *nightmares* know where you live" and then the stakes become weirder. Because aside from just very visibly being horrible people, they already have a reputation of being actually dangerous besides just mugging, they know where people live. You can argue they know where Meg, Fox and Spring live based on past history with all of them, and they could know where Bonnie lives based on how they harass him and all of that; but for them to know where Bon lives? someone who they appear to have literally no biases against and who is, up to that point, just completely unrelated to any of what's happening? It’s weird

You could say it's because he's friends with Meg, but I sort of doubt Bon would bring anyone over with how his dad is, so we are back at "why the actual hell would they know that" If they are mindless thugs it’s a bit weird that they would keep track of specifics like that. And I like to think that that’s the point. They make it a point to know sensitive information about people so that they are less inclined to go against them, just like Meg was. 

Then Fox appears and they seem really put off by it. The series tries really hard to sell that Fox is angry, violent and just a hot head. Which I don't really agree with? as in rewatches I've found myself going "yeah that's a valid reason to be angry" but whatever, going off the series alone and what they intend with each character, Fox is someone who is sort of dangerous, guy who gets into fights and all of that, they seem sort of familiar with each other too. "this is low even for you guys" and then Deuz calling Fox by his name. 

So they are 1) known 2)violent 3) actively make a show out of it. They scare people by knowing their private information yet they don’t seem to do anything with it at all, they could harass Bonnie closer to his house and not at the literal school entrance full of people but they don’t. They could drag him out to somewhere more hidden to not get bothered, but they don't, it's almost as if they want people to see. It's performative, speaking loud and laughing louder, in direct contrast to Bonnie's quiet voice who tries to leave in the least showy way possible. 

We don't see them go to school, hell we don't even see them in uniform until after camp, so I used to think they were older and that  the entire thing with the nightmares vs spring was sort of "the adult drama" outside of school and its teenagers. Their entire group just felt heavier than the rest of the kids, probably fueled by being antagonists.

The next time we see them it's with the aforementioned Spring, they are graffiting a wall and Spring tells them to not do it and to go do it in the "legal area" the artistic zone made for that. 

This is really interesting to me, mostly because even though spring grew up in a similar situation to them, he carries completely different moral values. It even seems as if he's overcompensating. Spring is a hard worker, he has jobs upon jobs and tries to live honestly, and to see other people get by in the direct opposite way he does, he wants to be as separated as possible, have nothing in common because he is a “good” person and they are “bad” people. 

There is no way that his entire area isn't drowning in graffiti already, because even sub-urban areas have graffiti, both actual art and the standard weird drawings of dicks or random curse words. And while the latter are not exactly great to see, they are also inherently thoughtless. People walk around and go "yeah this would be funny" and do it without thinking twice.

With the way that Onnie and Onyx (I call oxy that) talk about it, what they were about to do wasn't thoughtless, they were literally looking for a nice wall. it seemed like they just wanted to do actual artistic graffiti which is a pastime that seems inherently way less morally evil than just harassing random kids at school. They aren't actively looking for Spring either, they are just there. Spring picks the fight, the police come

They run away from the police, there's a ruckus with the police after (as said by Fox). They didn't actually vandalize anything, hell they didn't even have any paint on them throughout that entire exchange. But they still run? They could have done something before going over there, but in that case it'd be strange that they would be so calm and giddy about it knowing full well someone could come, they don't seem to be carrying anything at all either, robbing school kids may be possible with only your fists but they were just around streets without any knife or anything at night, so i doubt they could mug someone if they tried. 

So why would they run? I think it’s because they are all mostly just show, and that their lives shaped them to be that way. The police are scary not on the basis of "they can imprison me for this wrong thing I did" but on the basis of "the police hates people like us." The police hates the poor, the police hates queer people, it hates anyone who fails to fit in the box of what"an upstanding citizen" should look like. Of course they leave with their theatrics still there, telling Spring to "be grateful they saved you!!!" trying to save face. But it's clear they didn't actually do something to warrant fleeing, and this is supported by Spring also hiding. 

The next episode, "the birth of evil" is where everything crumbles and by crumbles i mean comes together. Spring, Fox and Bonnie go to a talent show and they meet the nightmares there, once again the whole act starts again. An obnoxious laugh, a confident pose, an ensemble of people behind you to be able to have your back. Deuz calls them dogs and the other 2 bark, its a performance. Deuz adresses the group, Onyx talks to Spring, Onnie talks to Bonnie.  

They don’t seem to acknowledge Bonnie in specific as anything important, they don’t blink and demand he gives them the money he still “owes”, they don’t tell him he’s lucky that he’s not alone. They pick a fight with the conglomerate and that's it. 

The way Spring and Fox carry themselves in the exact same situation seems just fundamentally different. They insult back of course, but they are way less vitriolic with it, and they don't accompany it with an air of grandiose superiority or an encore of background laughs or barks to drive their point home. They seem honest with their comeback, they have fun with it. Onyx and Onnie GROWL. 

Deux stands in front of them, he has been doing that this entire time, and the other two behind him growl, genuinely upset or threatened by a comeback that let's be honest. Was not even that good. "You smell that? envy?" and "the rats came out to eat, shame we didn't bring cheese"

But it not being good is sort of the point, it feels less practiced, less rehearsed and less of an act, a stupid comeback that reads more like a 3rd grader fight than anything, compared to the more antagonistic "look at the stray dogs. though this was a talent show not a barking one." "give me paw, have you learned to play dead yet?" Those are way stronger, and yet it seems like they just lose the exchange, immediately get defensive and growl, and look genuinely upset. 

Funny thing is that their insults apply to them more than they apply to those three. Both Onnie and Onyx have been shown constantly barking and growling, to call someone a stray dog implies some level of poorness or a lack of belonging. They put down what may seem wrong with them, and apply it to other people to get a leg up. 

Maggie tells them to drop it, they go and perform what they came here to perform. Deuz says "dont waste your energy, let's prove what real talent is" which can certainly just be read as another insult, as a way to call them talentless, but i chose to interpret it as masking a sore spot. We HAVE talent, even if people say we don't.

And this is the main attraction. Great escape. My love. 

With all we know about them, you would imagine their music would follow through with the image they've been constantly pushing. Rough around the edges, loud, obnoxious, full of self adulation. But it's just... Not that.

Song starts, and it seems like they will follow through. It's strong, it's loud, it's overwhelming and yet awestrucking, the guitar is at the forefront and is going crazy. And then it suddenly becomes soft, not weak or pacifying by any means, but soft nonetheless. 

Deuz’s voice is calm, he’s not screaming and he’s not making himself louder than necessary, the mic is there and it WILL pick what he says up. So he’s just singing, he’s not struggling to be heard. The very first line is “if i wasn’t the one who i thought I was, could you show with conviction who you really are?” It’s weirdly wordy and self introspective for someone who is supposedly just evil, who has presented himself as an unmovable wall, as someone strong, foul mouthed and completely used and comfortable with his way of life. As someone who poses a real danger.

If I wasn't who I thought I was, if I wasn't strong and if I wasn't at the forefront, could you really show who you are? If he wasn’t like this, if he seemed soft or weak, could his group live in peace? Could they be who they want to be? It’s not like they are 100% free to be who they are right now. They too, keep an appearance of being unbothered, strong, but at least they get to live, they get to present themselves how they want and not be scared of someone hurting them because of it, because they ARE the harm, and they have a leader. He’s the pillar, and he has to be who he THINKS he is. He has to be there.

“Will you be able to not fall today without your costume?  your heart breaks just like a fragile glass” The idea of costumes, of keeping an appearance, making “the nightmares” a single intimidating entity that no one can mess with, could they live without it? Chances are not, life is cruel and they seem to know that. It’s a dog eat dog world, and they act as if they are on the top of that food chain.

The song is for all of them, it’s ADDRESSED to them, Deuz uses first person and second person, me and you against whatever is put in our way. And that is what makes the song so special to me, in a show were we see the protagonists in the process of becoming friends the nightmares have been together since forever. And this song is for them, to find hope in hopelessness and to simply state how important all of them are to each other. “and in the distance I can hear that your voice started to call me”.

And we see what has led them down this way of thinking. Not a justification, but an explanation.

We start with Deuz, whose first memory appears to be literally working. Working to sustain himself, working to be able to live better, “I know that I will wake up.” I know that I can get out of here somehow, people are horrible to a literal child trying to live, we see how it lasted a long while too. From the candy selling to when his hands are curled into a fist we can see that he visibly grew up, he kept living in those conditions and he never actually experienced sympathy for it, people laughed, people insulted him, people seemed to be grossed out by the mere idea of a kid who was BORN into poverty, because how dare he try and survive? “I fell into an dark abysm without an end”  

With this it would make sense for him to become cynical, to assume it’s him against the world forever, and that people are inherently evil. But the lyrics are hopeful. “I escaped swiftly and I saved my life, I felt as if i were finally breathing again. Today let’s break the walls at once” Life is cruel, people are cruel, but it gives him a frame of reference of what type of people stay at the top of the chain, to be mean, to be violent, not out of enjoyment but necessity, camouflage to survive and breathe again, make sure people don’t mess with him again. The image of a little kid with scratches throughout all his body looking angrily at the camera

“In a place of the world where light goes away and doesn’t want to come back. Could you be sure that you’ll find it?” He could stay alone, he could dish out the same disdain and disgust that people showed him when he was at his lowest, but despite it all he still has empathy, and despite everything he wants to help, “evil” was born through how he lived, but his true nature is still there. And when he sees someone his age at his lowest, he doesn’t hesitate to help. He doesn’t fall in the idea of “everyone should have it as bad as me, i had it worse, it’s not my problem.” He extends the kindness that he never had, and he helps. Could you really find light when everything seems dark? find hope in what seems hopeless?see a A scared little kid being beat in a closed alleyway, amongst all the trash. Could you be fine with it? Have any hope in such a situation?

“if everything breaks slowly and with pain. Could you pick up the pieces that fall?”  He stops it, he becomes the light that went away, a sense of hope and belonging, he offers a hand that was never offered to him. Onnies expression in this always gets me, he looked scared when he was alone, but once someone stands up for him he doesn’t look glad or happy. He seems shocked, in complete disbelief. Both Onyx and Maggie seem to be relieved when they are saved, but Onnie is just shocked. Why would someone just intervene or care? this was not a one time thing, he already had the bruises before any hit ever connected, he fled into a dead end and expected it to end like that. And it didn’t. Everything was already broken, why would someone pick up the pieces? 

“In the distance I can hear the quake of the world and its end. Today you’ll start from zero. I have to say see you later” I’ve seen some people be confused by this part or even laugh at it. Deuz just appears, punches onyx, and they become friends. But the very first shot is Onyx sitting slumped on the ground as if he had been beat up and was barely conscious. But he wasn’t, he had no injuries at all, the lyric talks about the end of the world, he had given up. We don’t know the circumstances of this, but given how clean his clothes are and how he lacks any injuries, it’s my personal headcanon that he got kicked out. A kid alone in the streets kicked out, he should give up, because what else could he do? how else could he live? A wake up call in the form of a fist, this place is dangerous and not what you are used to. But today you’ll start from zero, you just have to say goodbye to what you had. 

The chorus changes, it’s no longer a dark abyss, but a dark path. In the name of not being at the very bottom he has become something he isn’t, all of them have, their lives shaped them to be rougher, they are like the people who hurt them in the past. This is especially true to Onnie becoming a bully. And the path seems endless, because dropping the fake bravado doesn’t seem like a possibility. The world is cruel to those it perceives as weak, so they can’t show themselves to be. That's why we are shown the three of them looking angry, unbothered, the strength their life demanded but at the very least as a group; making themselves bigger, with Deuz at the forefront. 

And we cut to Maggie (who I use he/him for), screaming and trying to get away from someone who is clearly bigger, an adult. From the song “closer” at the camp arc, we can see how that person was enjoying causing distress, a crooked and mocking smile on their face “there will be people who think this is pure hypocrisy” To go from being the kid suffering at the hands of someone stronger, to the one causing said pain onto another kid, all to not be weak and not be a target again. 

The group doesn’t only defend Maggie, fight back against someone bigger than all of them. But Deuz goes out of his way to try and cheer him up, and gives him a sweet to calm down.  “incapable of forgetting the beast that’s hungry yet again” this world, it’s difficulties that feel like sharp teeth mauling at people who have not done any sin but to exist yet, people feed on others being miserable, on feeding on those who seem weaker and their suffering, like beasts. You can’t ignore it, you have to fight back, bare your own teeth.

“Beyond the storm my hand is waiting for you. That sword pierced depression with all it’s strength” After the suffering, after the hardships and the pain, my hand will be there waiting for yours. Together we are stronger, and together we can be happy despite what everyone else can say. “Before just falling like that…” before giving up, before falling, we have each other.

And it’s the chorus again, I fell in a dark abyss, but now what saved his life is not making himself scarier, it’s not the realization of what act he should put on, it’s not his anger freeing him. It’s having his group. And once they break the walls, once they break through their self imposed image, through “the wall” , they can live without fear or grudges. 

Next we see them is at camp, and it seems as if Deuz already started to try to break through said wall, they are actually going to school now, they are at a camp. And when Onyx and Onnie start with the theatrics, when they try to immediately establish themselves as stronger and crueler. He reminds them that they are not on the streets. They aren’t in that horrible environment they’ve always lived in, not everyone is bound to be outright hostile, and they try. 

Later on Deuz says “If being at this camp and learning to work in a team makes my boys finally get accepted by society. Then I’ll do it.” and after that “I’ll show them that we can all change for the better.” They all became hostile because of where they grew up, but if there’s a chance to not be like that, to live in peace, then he’ll take it. He wants the best for them.

And that’s not to say Deuz has always been the pillar of morality. He participated in Bonnies harassment as much as all of them, but their thing is to change, to let go of that gut reaction of cruelty to avoid being hurt. And Deuz also changes with time. At the start, anyone who participated in the event, who went to the docks which is their territory, he would have been annoyed, he would have called them talentless, insult them and their craft and claim he and his crew were better before completely disregarding them as a whole. He would have been defensive about the only place where he can actually showcase his thoughts and feelings. But no! Later on he has respect for Fred, calls him “the king of the docks” and tries to be friendly. Of course after that Freddy is completely confused and he gets pissed, but I think it’s because he tried, he attempted to be friendly and swallow his pride and his defensiveness about the one thing they all have, and he got (in his head) made fun of. It made his instinct of “be the one on the top of the interaction always” kick in, because they WERE on the streets at that time and it’s suddenly the same it always has been. 

Right after that pup kills him on a single punch and that didn’t happen ^^.  no waaaay he would go down so easy to a person like pup whose most athletic skill is gymnastics. Deuz has shown he's had to fight and fight dirty/lawlessly to survive since he was little. it just doesn't make sense and it’s not real TOT Pup is built like a twig

“pia what about onnies song” also didn't happen ^^. After this point the series tries to soften Onnie to be less of a willing participant of the group’s actions, and I just really do not like it. Let him have blue hair and pronouns AND evil in his heart. 

I think that’s all for all, i need to be tazed. I know i kept it very neutral till now but guys please tell me you see why i ship them all so hard. God. I need to kill them all

i hate them you need to be put down <3 like the dogs u like (the nightmares) - Loops

[thevoidofwinter]

this is SUPER late bc its been A Time lately and i also kinda forgot for a while oops. BUT. a little bit of rambling about my cccc/hms designs + interpretation as requested by @keruukat :]

so first off, all three of them in my "main" designs for them are incredibly creature coded. this is literally just because i wanted to and enjoy that type of theme. mind is dragon themed, heart is... bird creature thing. themed. and soul is cockatrice themed which was actually not my idea and a big brain suggestion my friend @atticustimestwo came up with (thank you forever atticus btw. probably never would have thought of that myself sLJFKSL) !!! as a result of this, they're all incredibly instinct driven and highly reactionary. yes mind hates this.

side note, i also have different names i like using for them! mind is helios, heart is lunaris, and soul is anularis. this was mostly just to separate them when doing rps with friends but i've come to really enjoy these names :]

but with that out of the way! i'll start with my mind design bc i'm biased towards blue and dragons oops.

originally, he started out being the least creature coded of the three, both in terms how i was messing around with design and actually in how i read the "timeline" of the album, as it were. in character wise, he absolutely hated being "inferior" to the other two. he didn't have any claws to speak of, no scales, no feathers. he was the most human looking and he didnt like that. so what does he do? oh yknow.

design wise, i realized i liked leaning more into the robotic theming like a lot of people do bc idk! it's fun. why not. and then my dragon bias hit when i heard that One Line in RoE while drawing one day and the gears started turning. i still haven't ironed it out 100% drawing wise, but here's what i have so far:

a good part of the left side of his face is a screen! its default is just an eye, though it can be just about anything. it definitely turns to a clock during RoE and i do imagine it becoming super animated during TME. also glitchy from Be Born into TME as well.

his floating crown is a hologram he keeps up at most times, but the sun halo is just kind of. always there.

there's a lot of metal. like. a LOT. his neck is plated + his modulator is built into that. his entire spine is reinforced with metal. metal arms, probably some metal patches elsewhere too. and yknow the robotic dragon tail

he glows ominously in the dark. you can see that here- just kind of an aura type thing along with the glowy robotic bits on him.

he has irises and pupils, though most of the time they aren't visible bc he is. Tired. they snap into visibility when he's focused or angry though. (i have a very vivid mental image of them snapping into focus during the intro of TME)

he has mechanical wings! they're retractable and mostly are just there because, again, he couldn't bear to be "inferior" to heart and soul, who both also have wings. he can fly with them, though most of the time they're literally just for threat display. also yes, there are slits in the back of his jacket for the wings i just forget to draw them lol

he has an innate need to Be The Tallest. they're literally all the same height but this bitch wears heeled boots with metal on the soles to make himself taller.

the sun patch on his right jacket sleeve was put there by heart; the crown on the left he did himself.

he kinda??? has electricity abilities that he gained over the process of turning himself more robotic. this is important to note for a later note with soul :)

...that's all i can think of for now but i'm sure there's more i'm forgetting. its fine! onto heart :D

heart has always been the most creature coded to me, as the representation of emotion. and yknow. emotions can be pretty damn innate, instinctual, and visceral. or maybe that's just my take on it cause mine sure are lfsdkjhdfjk

i couldn't choose between black and white wings so his are both! a gradient from white into black with white speckles and purple heart-shaped markings on a few of the primary feathers :] he also has a lot of feathers in other places, such as covering his ears, his neck, chest, arms, legs, and of course tail.

his eyes aren't actually physically damaged! his near-blindness and extreme light sensitivity are actually a result of mind glowing blindingly bright (something something don't stare at the sun) after the shot, and then later the harsh red glow of soul's trident when he got the scars on his face.

his halo is a crescent moon most of the time, though it can change to different phases either on command or in reaction to his emotions. i haven't quite decided which phase stands for what yet, i'll figure it out eventually...

he loves loves loves putting patches on things, especially different textured ones. the heart patch on his hoodie sleeve is soft!

his blindfold has the phases of the moon on it! they weren't initially there as the blindfold was given to him by soul, but mind later embroidered the phases onto it during a concord loop.

his tail is actually kinda prehensile and really strong- he can totally use it to hang onto stuff and even hang off a branch upside down.

he used to be able to fly easily, but after getting his wings broken one too many times in scuffles, it's a lot more difficult to do so now. theoretically he still could with enough adrenaline, though.

he slouches a lot because of his wings, so he usually appears to be the shortest of the group. he can and will stand up straight for threat displays, though.

guy really doesn't like wearing shoes most of the time. socks it is.

aaand i think that's all i have for heart atm!

soooo, soul moment :] soul is such an intriguing guy to me. we really don't see (or hear, ig) a lot of him for a good part of the album, so tbh even to me he's still kinda an enigma. i do adore him a lot though. this guy is SO tired and done with heart and mind's shit, please let him have one (1) nap.

i went back and forth on this guy's design a whole lot before atticus suggested the cockatrice idea, and even a little bit after that i debated it for a while. should he be the most human, or appear so far disconnected that he's barely recognizable? WELL. turns out i went kinda midline with that lmao.

he has both scales and feathers to mirror heart and mind's respective features. i love a symbolism

he has a mane of feathers going down his spine, though it's usually only visible on his tail cause. yknow. clothes.

his wings are summonable, and he doesn't usually have them out cause they're HEAVY. they're a mix of draconic and feathered wings as well. he can also fly with them, though it's usually too much effort for him to even consider.

he has four red diamond-shaped lights hovering above his head at all times, like heart and mind have their respective permanent halos.

when under extreme stress/emotions, he has three light horns that manifest, reminiscent of his trident. he also glitches the fuck out

^ the visual glitching is actually a result of mind. what happened during the shot was that heart shot at mind (and missed, but the fact that heart even tried was the problem) -> when he finds out, soul unintentionally snaps and freaks the fuck out, attacking heart and mind -> mind panics and absolutely electrocutes soul, causing his form to glitch and go black and white -> ever since then, extreme emotions causes him to start glitching again!

the shadow half of him is also reactive to his emotions, though is there more often and easier than the glitching. it's pretty much his default, especially during cacophony. (i have a pretty vivid mental image of it fading into view during dream)

the back of his jacket has a trident, crown, and heart embroidered on it, something that all three of them worked on together :]

this is literally just for comedy reasons, but soul's shirt is usually a basic t-shirt, but sometimes it has text on it and the text can change at will

also have a few misc notes that i think are fun :]

while i do adore these creature-esque designs, i also want to do more abstract designs (that they're probably liable to shift to under extreme stress/it being their "true" forms), as well as closer to human designs :]

same thing with clothing designs. i'm so indecisive help. i think im gonna do all of one or two color designs, and then some alt designs where they mix and match colors some!

i do like to imagine heart is physically the strongest out of the three, mind mentally the strongest, and soul the strongest overall. just in relation to each other, of course.

...and i think that's all! at least all that i can remember right now lol, i'm likely to come back and edit this or reblog with additions when i think of more things. it's kinda intimidating to finally be posting this bc im usually so quiet on this front, but i hope whoever manages to read this giant wall of text enjoys! :D

[icaruskey]

"Talking about trans men "playing up the F in AFAB" to access women spaces. Please someone send me an ask about this specifically so I have an excuse to go off tomorrow after work."

Fourth time's the charm right?

And I gotta disclaim that I'm one of them transes who sees his past self as the gender he thought he was. Little 11 year old me? Girl. I was a girl up to the point I wasn't and I don't really know where that line is. Somewhere between 19 and 25. But I do call myself AFAB and I do see a lot of my experiences as a child and teen as being both through the lenses of womanhood and closeted/subconscious transness.

So needless to say I'm a little biased and get a little angry when this argument that trans masculine people are trying to play up the F in their AGAB up.

First and foremost, the biggest push away from AGAB language I've seen is from nonbinary and trans masculine folks. So let's jot that down (again though, I have consciously put myself into spaces that allow me to hear these voices over trans feminine voices after nearly a decade of the reverse).

And there's the fact that trans people who present with traditionally "female" reproductive and secondary sex characteristics are typically more vulnerable in men only spaces... we gotta be realistic here. People who look like women are going to be treated like women by strangers and while I'm a firm advocate for not treating all men like dirt... well. We have statistics.

And that's even if there are men spaces... shit like shelters for domestic violence victims oh so rarely allow men in the first place.

Plus, let's not forget a lot of this "playing up the F in AFAB" talk is coming around during the repeal of Roe v Wade in the US, which brought up the discussion of reproductive healthcare and abortion access back into international center stage. We're supposedly leaning on our AGAB by pointing out that We! Need! Healthcare! And our healthcare needs generally line up with those seen as women's only.

A totally stealth trans man who is being denied reproductive healthcare because he's legally a man is going to have to lean on his AGAB to get a checkup with the ObGyn. Otherwise they're not going to see him... because he doesn't look like a woman to him. Sometimes, using your AGAB is necessary, if only because the largely cishet world doesn't get that sometimes women have dicks and men have vaginas, and there are some people who want both or neither.

Finally, and I guess this just irritates me the most because of the above mentioned bias... saying trans masculine and nonbinary folks are playing up their AGAB is outright denying the way so many of us grew up. I was raised as a girl. I was seen as a girl. I had expectations put on me that only women in my small part of Southern Baptist culture would have. I had a promise ring. I memorized the Proverbs 31 wife list. I had nightmares of my wedding night, and I was made fun of and belittled by my own mother for not liking makeup and not taking care of my appearance. My lack of sexual harassment, despite it being a super common thing for girls and women, still has me mentally fucked up despite now identifying mostly male.

I'm not playing up my AGAB by talking about these experiences and saying that I've experienced misogyny because of how I am seen. Claiming the trauma and benefits of womanhood when I saw myself as a girl and when the world sees me as a woman (as it oh so overwhelmingly does currently) is not me trying to play up my AGAB for victimhood points or to access women's only spaces.

Yes, there are trans men, masculine folks, and nonbinary people who were AFAB and currently enter women's spaces where AMAB folks aren't allowed. If I wasn't aware of them before, I certainly am after getting through the first few chapters of Whipping Girl because Julia Serano does not shut up about it. She's clearly salty despite pretending not to be.

But guess what! There's shitty trans women and trans feminine people out there too! Baeddels! TIRFs! The fact that there's shitty trans people like Buck Angel or Caitlyn Jenner is just because they're people! Who happen to be trans! And people will absolutely use whatever they can as leverage to be shitty! That's why there are gay and black Republicans. They leveraged their minority status to become figures in a group that hates them. Shocking.

But for fuck's sake, saying trans men, masculine, and nonbinary folks who happened to be AFAB are trying to express their victimhood through the F in their AGAB both reeks of ROGD as well as a clear yellow flag that maybe

just maybe

these people are trying to find the language to talk about the problems they're facing but people like Serano aren't letting them.

[high-dragon-bait]

The Extremely Petty Reason I Hate Sebastian

Please do not take this seriously. I'm not main-tagging this because I do not wanna die, and may delete this if people go insane, but I've been wanting to make a post about it for awhile and this blog is for talking about by feelings on my favorite game so here goes

It is SOLELY because of how he talks to Fenris

Nearly all of his dialogues with Fenris are like this

Do you see it?

Do you see it?

This is the one that really did it for me, mostly because I misinterpreted it as being directed towards the sexual abuse Fenris faced at the hands of Danarius and it disgusted me so much I had to close the game

I understand now that's probably not what Sebastian was talking about but it was too late. Even knowing he isn't referring to that this is such an over the line thing to say that I can't forgive it

Every interaction with Fenris that he has reads like a Evangelical missionary trying to convert someone in a vulnerable state to their cult faith and it's fucking gross. It's actually nauseating

Now, I actually think Fenris having faith is interesting. I was raised atheist myself, I can't understand faith like someone who was raised religious does. But I do understand having a complex relationship with the concept of faith, especially the idea of faith feeling appealing, but finding the people and ideas behind faith hostile to who you are. That's the kind of relationship with faith I like to imagine Fenris has

But god I cannot stand the way Sebastian talks to him. I can't not find it predatory, and it makes Sebastian come off as so insidious that he is the only Dragon Age character I actively hate. Usually with characters I don't like I just ignore them, but Sebastian I hate. Sebastian makes me physically angry

I say it's petty because it really is JUST this. Just how he talks to Fenris, and since Fenris is my Prime Blorbo I'm soooooooo biased it's ridiculous. Also because Anders is terrible to Fenris but I can forgive that, probably because Fenris is equally as terrible back.

Sebastian acts creepy towards my fav and the game never seems to acknowledge how creepy he's being and for that I cannot stand the sight of Sebastian. I am so sorry. I know plenty of people like Sebastian and you have my utmost respect but to me the man's vibes are so rancid I may start gagging

[bitterrobin]

list of the character dynamics I plan on writing for the TAXONOMY!verse. Mostly here in order to remind myself of the ideas I have.

Bette Kane/Tom Bronson

Have they ever interacted in canon? no. Will I still create a crack ship that probably no one else will like? yes. Unfortunately my brain has latched onto them, so expect to see more of them in the au.

Neither of them are the type to be open with their real feelings, but are casual with intimacy. Maybe a little too easy with it, but they understand each other's need. Bette is straightforward, determined. Tom avoids personal conversation, especially about himself, but he's very observant. They both will feel something, both will side-step and redirect. Bette is inherently lonely, Tom always feels out of place. It takes a while before they actually confide in each other. Tom is still mourning Grant and the idea of what could have been, Bette is tired and lost and still figuring out what to do with her life when so many others reject her resolve. Bette needs to be a hero, needs to feel like she has a purpose. Tom never wanted to be a hero, but he needs the company that being one provides. Gotham is a terrible place to land when you're hurting, but they make the most of it. (Also they have a terrible child to co-babysit on top of all of this.)

Bette Kane, Damian Wayne

Bette takes none of his threats or jabs seriously. Damian is horrified that they're related. Bette loves Damian bc he's somewhat easier to communicate with than other children (who act their age) but also he's a bundle of nerves and trauma - so she's still careful and and little bewildered. She lets him have space, but she's always ready to pay attention to him at the drop of a hat bc no one did when she was a child. She respects his opinion, and tries to reason with him. Because Bette has only heard of the League, not become involved with it, she's able to have a less biased view on his childhood. Damian is aghast at her supposed ignorance. He does not recognize her strength of character. He's used to the fearful or emotionally closed women of the League. In the end, Bette recognizes that she has to set limits and boundaries and Damian learns to accept a life with a degree of normalcy.

Bette is sad to see him go, but she knows how important a name like Robin is. She wants Damian to find purpose on his own, but she leaves him the gift of "normal things" like sports and acting.

Tom Bronson, Damian Wayne

Damian will say the most gory threat imaginable, Tom will reply: "haha ok, little buddy" they are one step away from duking it out. Tom simultaneously thinks of Damian as a little brother and a pain in the ass. But they're not related, so Tom will not feign complete responsibility over him. He observes and waits, wipes his hands clean and sets him loose. Maybe he dispenses harsh truths once in a while, maybe he cuts too deep once. Damian will return the favor. Tom allows himself to be vulnerable rarely, and explains absent fathers and mothers who are there and then gone too soon. Damian reluctantly sees himself, and hates it. Tom recognizes his sarcasm as an emotional outlet similar to his own, and encourages every insult Damian makes. Maybe its too enabling, but frankly Tom doesn't care. Let the kid be an asshole once in a while, as a treat. You do not want to be on the receiving end of both of their ire.

Tom gives him a kitten as an inside joke, an acknowledgement of his personal growth - before Damian goes to live with the new Batman and become Robin.

Damian Wayne, Chris Kent

Way more plausible than the one above. I am a Jon Kent hater. I fully believe in the made up interactions in my head between these two kids instead. Everyday I cope and seethe that they never interacted in canon bc they were introduced so close together!! in 2006!! They have so many parallels and interesting conversations to be had! Damian is angry that Chris is allowed to move on from his trauma. That Clark and Lois are able to give him closure, when Bruce is dead and Talia needs to stay separated from him. He is angry that he will forever suffer the what ifs because he can never confront his grandfather or parents the way Chris did with Zod and Ursa. Chris cannot fathom taking out his anger on other people. He can't imagine pushing others away because he was always alone in Fort Rozz, he wants a family. He is horrified of this aggressive boy, but he's still kind nonetheless. Maybe punches are thrown initially, but in the end they understand each other in small ways other people just can't. They are not their parents, but some people can't look past that. Chris forever denounces his biological parents, Damian is shackled by their expectations and the weight of their romance turned into a battle of wills.

Maybe in the future it'll become a ship but that's a long way off. It would need way more development, more time in-between fics, and Damian needs to mature and figure things out. Their potential friendship is more important than anything romantic.

Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd

Mostly here bc of differences in philosophy, they're the central conflict surrounding the idea of Batman. Cassandra doesn't care about the city, she cares about the people. No one dies. Ever. Not in her watch. She could care less about complicated morality, because if she could change (she, the murderer, the sinner) then everyone can. Batman is not about Bruce Wayne, it is about saving everyone who can be saved. Bruce is the ideal, but Cassandra is better. She wins, no matter what. Batman is instinct, action and duty. Jason cares about the city, this wretched place where he was born. The people are negotiable, ranked and categorized by his own arbitrary rules. You are good, or you are an evil that must be wiped out. Batman is tied to Bruce Wayne, it shouldn't be. It is about controlling Gotham. Batman holds the reins, anything that happened on his watch is Bruce's fault - Jason will be better. Batman is planning, watching, and culling. Both can be right, both can be wrong. They were messy and complicated. They need to beat each other senseless before they can reach a conclusion. Cassandra gains Batman, and Jason gains a fragile understanding.

[mossy-petrichor]

Hey everyone, this is just a heads up I wish I had seen before joining that server:

Sleepii is not going to help you heal if you have authority issues or a fight response to trauma. It will just make it worse.

Sleepii is an age regression (currently wording it as inner child healing to reach more people) server. There's going to be a tldr at the end of the post, but I'm going to expand on what happened to me when I got banned twice from there.

Disclaimer: this isn't me starting drama, though I know many people will ignore that. It's me warning others like myself that the sleepii server is going to do more bad than good to their inner child healing process, because I wish I had been told that.

I got banned once for "fakeclaiming" (saying it was creepy their fictives started dating their partner system's sourcemates within days) a system who was staff and friends with the person that banned me. That system was also abusive to their partner; I showed proof for it, and got dismissed with "you shouldn't interfere with their relationship" among other awful sentences like that, and they only got banned a whole day after I did.

I decided to appeal for that, the ticket lasted three or four days and so much insisting on my part for them prove how what I said was fakeclaiming (they admittedly didn't know how to answer that question - took them 24 hours to tell me it wasn't). Then they said they were still banning me for being "extremely disrespectful at staff", referring to me saying their staff didn't do anything about an abuser being in the server before banning me (which... They didn't). My appeal got finished two times with the decision that they were still banning me, so it was all on me for insisting on proving it was not a fair ban for days.

I got back into the server after having to force staff to do their job, and after a few weeks I got banned again because the owner has entomophobia and insects are my special interest, which I talked about a lot in my room. I got banned for "dismissing triggers" with no proof shown to me, but mostly for the owner's comfort. I told the owner they could just mute my room and they refused, saying they should have access to every channel in the server (and if they can't self moderate, that is a member's fault and they deserve to be banned for that) (and because the owner's safe space and healing is inherently more important than a member's safe space and healing /s)

Tldr: sleepii's staff is unfair and biased.

They can ban you anytime for personal reasons and are extremely biased on their treatment between members/staff

If you have trauma with authoritarian parents, teachers or school boards, do not join that server. /srs

If you get angry at unfairness and are willing to fight for a more fair space, do not join that server.

That server is not for you.

[cognitosclowns]

ALRIGHT I know part 2 just released, but any theories for part 3?

OHOHO HELL YEAH >:) these may be a bit sporadic and out of order, a catastrophic amount of sillies, perhaps some hooliganism, etc, etc, y'all know the drill by now <3

[IJ part 2 spoilers, ofc]

Same cold open as always (in front of the whitehouse, etc) except this time its RON >:)

he MENTIONED being a huge conspiracy nut in college - considering he's most likely gonna remember elements of Reagan's script, I 100% believe he's gonna slip back into that.

WE GET A GIGI BACKSTORY EPISODE!!! Otherwise I will just start biting people

ok this is just a plea to the IJ writers BUT STILL

JUST,,, PLEASE </3 I want Gigi lore. Her character is delightful, and there's so much potential for interesting backstory. They've set up all these little threads [her working her whole life to get where she is but still being unsatisfied, 'I could get used to being unremarkable', feeling ignored] now I just want them to elaborate on them.

I might be biased bc I love Gigi to death but COME ON, IT FEELS LIKE SHE'S GETTING SHELVED SO MUCH!! I'm so glad she got to do more this season, esp w/ Reagan, but I'm yearning for lore

tldr. Give me a Gigi episode or give me death.

Air Bud (AB) and Alpha-Beta (AB). Can you see where I'm going with this can you see the wires crossing

I'm sorry but I need the silly robot man to get jealous of the team paying more attention to Air Bud than him.

I can picture it so vividly like a vision from an angry god just

'Of course we're a team! we've even got loveable non-human sidekick who grew beyond his original purpose, gained human traits, and became all the better for it!'

-haha, well, I wouldn't exactly describe myself as a side-'

'Air Bud :D'

'I beg your fucking pardon, Mister Hand?'

in short I need smb to offhandedly refer to Air Bud as AB, and watch this man have a cyberstroke from pure jealousy.

speaking of my favorite man,

ALRIGHT,,,, I DO KINDA REALLY WANT TAMIKO DATE 2.0,,,,,,,

I don't really ship them but the potential here is too powerful. I need to experience more of Whatever The Fuck Happens To AB's Mind When He Sees A MILF

Tell me it wouldn't be delightful to see this clown try and ask Tamiko on a proper date. Tell me that wouldn't be magical to witness. It'll be an absolute car crash and I pray the writers give it to us.

also because if (lets be honest, when) he gets rejected, his dramatic, self-pitying crywank moment is going to be. so good. Teenager sulking in their bedroom watching rom-coms and crying about how 'that was just like me and Tamiko 🥺🥺🥺' levels of pathetic. I know it in my heart of hearts. I physically can't wait.

I think overall I just want this man in situations. bad situations. bad not good situations where he will act both bad and not good <3

THE ROBES,,, UH,,,, HRM,,

*GESTURES VAGUELY* THERE'S SO MANY OPTIONS IDK YET GIVE ME A FEW MONTHS TO STRATEGIZE

They could be anything from aliens, to time travelers, to 4th dimensional beings, robots, clones, ghosts, Just Some Guys (tm), to all of the above in some hodgepodge fruitcake situation.

I will however say that,, at least half of what the Robes told Reagan was probably bullshit. The stuff about all catastrophes having meaning? Not buying it, there's smth up here.

[ALSO,, I'm 90% sure that season 2/part 3 is gonna be the start to an actual Longterm Overarching Plot, which the Robes will no doubt be involved in. Please Please Please, this show is already delightful, and a broader plot would just. *italian hand kiss*]

MISC SHIT, MOSTLY JUST HOPES AND DREAMS:

JRand prison moments. homoerotic prison escape. two bisexual men pressed into a dirt tunnel, who knows what might occur in the heat of passion etc, etc

GLENN CHARACTER ARC!!! We're getting little hints at it,,,, he's tried shrooms,, he's growing closer to the team,,, the bisexual arc is right around the corner for this man I can FEEL IT.

I think we might see Atlantis? We've been getting more stuff about them, and since we've covered pretty much all other Already Mentioned Funky Locations, I think that's gonna be the Big Travel Episode next season!!

BEACH EPISODE!! PLEASE GOD!!! Either combined w/ the above, or separate

[Also, shamefully, I'll admit,,,, I kinda want a musical episode. I have no excuse I just think it'd be so delightful. Please Once-More-With-Feeling, Guy-Who-Didnt-Like-Musicals these bitches Shion, I know you have the power.]

A deep-dive into Andre's psyche. SO many things have been brought up, and I hope they really go in on them. He's coping in 1000 different ways and I don't think a single one of them is good for him.

HM. okie this is getting rambly - I'll probably add more within the next few months as these episodes congeal in my brain, but for now, tysm for the ask!!!

[cupidstwin333]

If matchups are still open can i request obey me and diabolic lovers romantic matchup?

I'm Female, she/her pronouns. I'm bisexual, biromantic.

I'm istp 5w4 548.

I'm ambivert,I'm very laid back and prefer to go with the flow of life but sometimes come off as ego-centric and domineering. I have to admit I’m a lazy person who prefers having a leisure more than anything else. But once i find my motivation I'm actually pretty hardworking, I won't stop or take breaks until i completely finish what I started. I mostly spends my time as a stoic and a calm person and i might even come off as apathetic towards the world around me [even tho I’m not]. I’m usually perceived as being insensitive because i generally prefer to deal with emotions in my own head rather than openly [and somehow I'm still well liked?!] tbh I often think I’m above others, yet I am always willing to acknowledge that I’m a total piece of shit [very rarely tho] Sometimes i have fantasies and ideals that I want to start creating or becoming but i give myself a reality check and let the dream fade away. I’m very innovative but still choose the practical route a lot. It’s easy for me to create goals and envision the end results but it’s ridiculously hard for me to remain committed to the process.

I have a very big ego but one word alone is enough to destroy it. i Will never admit my wrong, unless internally. I'm playful around people i like [friends, family, classmates] and if I believe I'm right I'll passive agressivly fight you to prove my point [even if I'm wrong]. Like i said i have hard time committing to something i loose interest, motivation and get bored rather easily. If I'm stressed about something i bottle everything up and worry about it alone. Not because I don't want to burden other or anything simply because my pride and ego is getting in my way. I'm not really a jealous person and even if i get jealous i keep it to myself and try my best to hide it. I care about what others think of me [more like what others think of my parents] so towards strangers and people that know my parents I'm very polite and despite my "intimidating" appearance i try to be welcoming and friendly to others [by others I don't mean everyone, i mean people who i would like to be friends with or I'm already friends with and people who know my parents]

I tend to get bored of things easily or i get insecure that I won't be able to complete it and overthinking things and give up on it so i try not to plan ahead. I notice negative traits in people [myself included] before good traits. I always try to be realistic but my overthinking turns me into negative person. I'm very future orientated person so i pick things depending on how useful it'll be for me in the future. Getting angry, yelling, insulting and being agressive in general is my defense mechanism when I'm sad or in an argument. I'm very prideful and stubborn person I actually like socializing but usually i can't find the topic to talk about with people. I LOVE talking about myself but I'd rather die than share my struggles, feelings and personal things similar to this. I'm taking them to grave. I'm pretty biased person. I hate when people insult me even when they don't mean it and they're jocking not even i insult myself. I'm better at socializing older people than people my age. I like to think that I'm a great listener but I'm insecure about my reactions to their stories. Even if i find it funny i find it hard to express it on my face. I like arguments [not with my loved ones]

Tbh i actually like to socialize and speak to people. I love to speaking especially on subjects such as what is moral or immoral, psychological and philosophical stuff, gender equality, crime stuff and etc.

I'm 5'10, i have medium length dark red hair [more like wine red] in a layered haircut [it almost looks like a wolfcut]. I have brown almond eyes, straight nose and lips I'm not unaware shape of but it's medium size, not big but not small either. I also have multiple beauty mark on my face, one on my chin, one on my nose, one on my right cheek but it's closer to my mouth and one on my left cheek closer to my eye.

I like horror genre [movies, books, analogue horror and etc], watching movies, listening to true. I love music especially indie and rock music. i like Researching and learning more about myself. I love reading greek mythology and Japanese urban legends. I'm interested in psychology and philosophy. I also find researching about demonology and ancient religions interesting. I love Victorian/romantic/vampire gothic aesthetic I'm also very in love with gothic novels. I wouldn't really consider this as a hobby cause i do it once or twice a year but i also play volleyball and piano. I also really love spicy food. Red is my favourite colour and cats and snakes are my favourite animals.

I may not be a religious person but i love Christinan themed paintings, sculptures and buildings. I also love interior designs of orthodox churches, it may look creepy but it also has it's allure and charm to it.

I hate very loud places but i also hate places that are very quiet. I dislike sweet food, dogs, romance movies[i love romance genre just not in movies], "Pinterest goth" aesthetic, sweating, heat, smell of mushrooms, math, my math teacher, losing.

My biggest fear is getting old.

As for my idea type I value honesty and loyalty, I'm more attracted [romantically or platonically] to people who are confident in themselves and their abilities. I also value partner/friend that isn't overprotective and allows me my independence and let's me do things my way. I don't think i have a specific type i just want my partner to keep me entertained as i tend to get bored rather easily.

My love language is act of service and quality time.

After a long time of thinking 💭 your match is…

Leviathan

How it started:

You never considered yourself one to meddle in the affairs of demons. After all, you were more comfortable researching ancient texts and hidden mysteries than engaging in the antics of any of the demons here . So when Leviathan, the avatar of Envy, suddenly barged through your door interrupting your research, you were slightly annoyed.

"Hey, I need your help leveling up in DevilCraft!" Leviathan exclaimed, his eyes looked at you desperately. DevilCraft is an enchanted game that takes you to the virtual world. Leviathan has been really obsessed with it recently.

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "DevilCraft? Really, Leviathan?"

But Leviathan was persistent. He forced you to follow him to his room and he regaled you with tales of epic quests and rare in-game items. For a brief moment, your curiosity got the better of you, and you reluctantly agreed to join him in the virtual world. Why not? It seemed like it could be fun.

As you embarked on adventures in DevilCraft, you realized that Leviathan's obsession with gaming ran deep. He was a master strategist, always seeking the most efficient way to defeat virtual foes and conquer digital realms. Your laid-back nature contrasted sharply with his intense focus, but somehow, it worked. So much so that gaming with Leviathan became a regular activity for you.

One evening, as you both battled monsters and navigated treacherous dungeons, Leviathan turned to you, his avatar mimicking his earnest expression.

"You know… I've noticed you're not like most humans," he began, his voice tinged with curiosity. "You're so... different."

You shrugged, letting your guard down slightly. "What do you mean, Leviathan?"

He leaned closer, his virtual character mirroring the gesture. "You're not all loud and outgoing like others. You're... unique."

For the first time in a long while, you felt a twinge of vulnerability. Leviathan's genuine curiosity and admiration were unlike anything you had encountered before. So, you began to share, bit by bit, the thoughts and feelings you'd kept hidden behind your stoic facade.

Leviathan listened intently, his in-game character standing by your side. He didn't judge or push you to open up further. Instead, he simply let you be, offering silent support as you revealed the layers of your complex personality.

As your duo in DevilCraft continued to conquer challenges and level up, you and Leviathan grew closer. Your bond transcended your initial differences. You began to appreciate his unwavering loyalty and genuine care.

"Maybe I was wrong about humans," Leviathan mused one night as you both took a break from gaming.

You chuckled. "Maybe you were."

In that moment, under the glow of the virtual world, you realized that perhaps there was room in your life for more than just research and solitude. With Leviathan by your side, you discovered the beauty of embracing the unexpected, even in a digital realm, and opening your heart to a demon who saw beyond your ego and insecurities, and loved you for who you truly were.

General headcanons:

💘He's always been a fan of video game music, but your taste broadens his horizons.

💘He learns from you to embrace his own independence and become more confident in himself.

💘You introduce him to your favorite indie bands, and you often spend evenings together, headphones on, exploring new music and discussing your favorite tracks.

Other possible matches: Lucifer

And Reiji Sakamaki

How it started:

In the dimly lit library of a grand, gothic mansion, you sat alone, engrossed in a worn book of Japanese urban legends. The room was filled with the scent of old leather-bound tomes and the soft flicker of candlelight.

As you turned a page, your brown-almond eyes focused intently, a presence entered the room, silent yet undeniable. It was Reiji Sakamaki, one of the vampires that inhabited the mansion. With his aristocratic demeanor and love for the darker arts, he was drawn to the mysterious aura that surrounded you.

Reiji observed you from the shadows, intrigued by the way your lips curled into a thoughtful smile as you read about ghosts and spirits. You were the embodiment of a Victorian romantic, and he couldn't help but be drawn to your unconventional charm.

After a moment of hesitation, Reiji cleared his throat, announcing his presence. Your eyes flicked up from your book, and your lips parted in a small, involuntary smile. You recognized Reiji as one of the Sakamaki brothers living in the mansion but hadn't interacted with him much before.

"Indulging in your fascination with the supernatural, I see." Reiji spoke, his voice smooth and firm.

You closed the book and leaned back in your chair, your gaze locking with Reiji's. "Well, it's better than the dullness of everyday life, isn't it?" you replied, your voice calm and tinged with a hint of arrogance.

Reiji couldn't help but admire your confidence, a trait he found both intriguing and infuriating. He moved closer, the candlelight casting a flickering glow on his face. "Indeed," he replied, "The pursuit of knowledge, especially that which lies in the shadows, can be quite stimulating."

You raised an eyebrow, your curiosity piqued. "And what knowledge do you seek, Reiji Sakamaki?"

Reiji took a moment to consider his response, his prideful nature momentarily giving way to a desire to connect with you. "I have an interest in demonology and ancient religions," he admitted, "The dark arts have always fascinated me."

Your lips curled into a genuine smile, your eyes shining with a newfound interest. "Well, that's something we have in common," you said, surprising even yourself with your willingness to share your interests. "I've always been drawn to the same subjects."

As the conversation between you and Reiji deepened, you found yourselves connecting on a level that neither of you had experienced before. Your discussions delved into the realms of psychology, philosophy, and the moral intricacies of the world. Your stoic demeanor began to crack, revealing a more vulnerable and passionate side.

Days turned into weeks, and you and Reiji spent countless hours in the library, exploring the depths of your shared interests. Your laid-back attitude was a stark contrast to Reiji's rigid upbringing, yet somehow, you complemented each other perfectly.

In the quiet moments between your discussions, Reiji found himself captivated by your beauty, from your wine-red hair to the beauty marks that adorned your face.

One evening, as the candles flickered low, Reiji reached out and brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear. You didn't pull away, instead leaning into his touch, your gaze locked onto his. In that moment, their egos and pride melted away, leaving behind a deep connection that neither could deny.

General headcanons:

💘Reiji exercises immense self-control, never giving in to his vampire instincts. He prioritized your emotional connection over his primal desires. (Reiji has a secret stash of synthetic blood substitutes in the mansion to satisfy his vampiric thirst without you ever suspecting.)

💘Reiji occasionally surprises you with unique, cryptic gifts that subtly allude to his vampiric nature, such as a vintage, antique mirror with no reflection.

💘On clear nights, you both escape to the mansion's rooftop to stargaze. You share your knowledge of constellations and mythology, while Reiji adds scientific insights.

I’d appreciate it if you’d reblog this, and I hope you enjoyed reading this <3

[wanderingmind867]

Back in elementary school, I never liked other kids. Even now that I'm 19 and in high school, I still have a bias against some kids. I hate immaturity. I like the classroom to be mostly quiet. If the kids want to be silly, fine. But don't talk over the teacher and don't disrupt the learning. If a class is stressful, I may be more forgiving of the students though.

I just have a thing wherein I seem biased against young people. Despite being young. I don't understand or like slang, I don't like the trends, I was bullied in grade 4 (and that almost definitely made these feelings of dislike increase), etc. And this often leads to me not liking teens in fiction.

With exceptions. Like I liked Harry Potter and Percy Jackson when I was in elementary school. So I didn't hate all teen directed media. Considering I read mostly fantasy aimed at teens, the bias can't affect my reading. But it affected TV shows and movie viewings sometimes. I can't sit through teen dramas, I never liked teen superheroes like the teen titans or young justice or whatever (my exceptions to this rule are I liked spiderman and I now love the o5 X-Men), and I just couldn't bring myself to care about too many teen characters. So I have very complex feelings on it all, I guess. But I have had brief times where I got so angry at other kids that I definitely seemed biased against them. And that probably isn't good to admit, but ah well. It happened. I never acted on it, but it happened.

[screemnch]

I have… Probably over a hundred different little stories that I come up with as someone who definitely isn’t a maladaptive daydreamer… most of them are indulgent wish fulfillment that will never see the light of day and don’t actually go into the same categories as the stories that I plan on turning into books so…

On subjecting myself and my characters to the mortifying ordeal of being known I shall start with these casual little stories, and not my proper ones, starting with the most recent thing that my brain has been occupied with, namely…

These losers.

Read about them if you want, I guess. Though uh… Do be forewarned that this story touches upon things like transphobia and homophobia. Because we can’t have nice things.

In my head this is a bit of a… Coming of age story? The main focus would be on the characters on the right - Luke and Jade, who are siblings growing up in an… extremely conservative family. Their regular normal people life becomes a bit more complicated as Jade comes out as a tans girl. In the illustration I decided to draw her a bit later on in the story, once she is a little further along her transition, but as you could expect in the beginning it… Doesn’t really go over well. Her parents even consider sending her off to a conversion camp, though fortunately are convinced not to.

Luke is Jade’s older brother who, aside from taking after his parents, is also very easily influenced by his friends (who, unfortunately, aren’t very good people). He’s a textbook jock, with most people thinking his only possible future lies in a sports career. The only person unaware of this opinion is Luke himself, who is still invested in his studies, even when his teachers don’t have high hopes for him. Jade coming out was quite literally his first time putting any actual thought into his parents’ and his own biases. He… Doesn’t react well, at first. Eventually he does come around and makes up for the damage he’s caused.

Jade is about two years younger than the rest of the gang. There are… A few obvious things that she’s going through. At first she is quite literally alone against everyone and really really scared, but throughout the story she finds her confidence and learns to strike a balance between prioritizing her safety and genuine self expression. She comes across as shy to most people, but that’s only because she is under a lot of mental strain. In a comfortable environment she is a little goofball.

Hemlock and Colin are Luke’s classmates (the three of them are seniors at the start of the story), though they hardly ever spoke before the inciting incident. That incident being Colin breaking the nose of one of Luke’s friends and everyone having to go to the principal’s office.

Hemlock is a relatively chill person, though they participate quite regularly in activism. Them and Colin have been friends since middle school, which was partially thanks to that. As with many calm and sweet looking individuals, Hemlock is particularly terrifying when they get angry - not because they’re violent, but because they are willing to go to unreasonable extremes to do what they think is right. Being intersex (which is something I’d have to do a lot of research on if I wanted to make it into a story) they’ve had to deal with a lot of bullshit, and are eager to help others in need of support. When they hear about Jade’s transition, they immediately insert themselves into the situation.

Colin is the overly intense and angry counterpart to Hemlock’s chill and sweet personality. He also has a much shorter fuse than them and is quite a bit more violent. The kind of person that looks like they hate you even if they don’t. He grew up raised by a single mother and one of his big aspirations is to look like she did in her teenage years. He also does martial arts, though I’ve still yet to decide what kind. Despite his aggressive and hostile character, he gets along surprisingly well with Jade (through mostly making fun of her brother).

The story essentially kicks off a couple of days after Jade comes out and her parents are still contemplating sending her off to a conversion camp. Luke and his friends get into a bit of an altercation with Hemlock and Colin, which ends with said friend having his nose broken. While waiting at the principal’s office, through a bunch of shenanigans, Hemlock and Colin catch wind of what’s happening with Jade and decide that this is absolutely their business. The rest of the story is basically the four of these goofs clashing, goofing around and eventually becoming good friends. And maybe some found family. As a treat.

That’s… Extremely long for a short summary, but I’ve… Always wanted to share some of my oc concepts and stories, even if they’re a bit watery in terms of substance. I do intend to draw more of these characters, as well as potentially the characters from other stories and/or the dnd campaign I’m in. So yeah.

[fengshenjunlang]

im sorry if this is such a weird ask but is it weird that I don't block JC stans, not because i want to fight with them ( i dont interact with them at all) but because i genuinely like reading their metas and so on. it's fascinating to me how one character can have different personalities as long as you put your mind into it, you can convince yourself to see this as the subjective truth. its like how JC has WWX being the one on fault for nearly every problem he has, and hoe the cultivation world just accuse WWX of everything. That character may not have that ability to affect them because he is quite not alive, but as it was already engraved in their mind that WWX is to blame for everything, every logic must be bend to suit this truth. I do get angry most of the time but im sadistic enough to put myself through that then try to see how they come to such conclusions. ive been doing so for 3 years now and i really think its not a healthy coping mechanism. i have contracted a lot of headaches, but i thinks it's worth it as i have trained myself to see both sides. frankly after reading a lot of uwu jc and victim jc i still firmly believe in canon jc. say what, should i stop while its not too late, im quite afraid of reading metas made by literal children who are biased but I've suffered long enough, shouldn't i continue until i found something else to fixate on??

Hi, Anon.

To block or not to block is up to you. Personally, I think reading their metas is quite refreshing, it's like you're watching how a cult spreading their God and Savior things in earnest, and you just watch and hear them to amuse yourself by their ridiculous rhetoric. So, yeah, not to block them is totally fine and normal.

Though frankly speaking, reading too much of them aren't good either. Like, why do we have to read something that obviously are different to our views on a... Frequent basis? Especially JC metas are, prone, and almost certain, written by slandering either Wei Wuxian, Jiang Fengmian, Jiang Yanli, the Wen Sibling, or even other characters on the way. Their metas are mostly than not, end up feeling like a hate speech. It's exactly the same as JC and YZY's type of dialogues in mdzs. Unpleasant. Baseless. Ridiculous. Selfish driven logic. Delusional.

So, if you just want to amuse yourself it's free not to block them, but do remember to pay attention to your mental health as well, lol.

Oh, lastly, if you're someone who actively posting or reblogging about canon JC content or things that is against their belief, like posting XiYao rather than XiCheng (lol), then you better block them up, to avoid harassment. They're mostly kids who finds it difficult to control their emotion and attitude.

[quintential]

The Things That Weigh Me Down.

I like strong words. Powerful, dramatic words. My current favorite is “haunt”. Everything seems to haunt me. Memories, mostly. I use “haunt” and not “hound”- even though I do quite like that one- because I am not running. I am an old, haunted house. Falling down in disrepair, no longer beautiful and mystical like some old houses tend to be, but disgusting, putrid, rank. Cold. As if the next strong breeze would knock it over, and there are several dead things inside. It’s a place of disease. All know to avoid it, the bugs, the rodents, the humans. It’s awfully quiet inside. It makes your heart pound wildly in fear and your chest grow tight, because you’ve been holding your breath without quite realizing it. 

No, this is no place for the living. But the dead- oh, they like this place. They fade in and out of the walls at will, never straying too far. They whisp this way and that, most active on cold, moonless nights. And they get angry. Oh, they are mad, spitting, furious, venom filled beings of hatred. You see, Ghosts are not supposed to exist, in a perfect world. All the dead that have made peace move on, to far away places we cannot see, or hear. Yes, they are far gone, maybe in Heaven, who knows. But these ghosts, in my house, do not leave. They must make their rage known. At random, they go still. Very still. This is when I sense them, in me. They know when I see them. And then they slash around my house. I can feel their anger, it makes them solid, they tear about, tearing wallpaper, breaking glasses, splintering my banisters or floorboards, banging my pots and pans so ever loudly. All I can do is watch as they ruin me, again and again and again.

I suppose its not fair to be biased here. These ghosts are here for a reason. They are the souls of those I’ve wronged. I don’t know what to do with them. I cannot fix them. If I try and talk to them, it is selfish because saying I’m sorry is not enough, and it doesn’t come from a place of goodness- it comes from being selfish, and not wanting these ghosts weighing down my ego, my baseboards, my walls. And yet, they debiitate me.

So for my own good, I will talk to my own ghosts here.

Clara, I’m so sorry. You were so good, and nice, and right. It was my own flaut I was so awful to you. You were too close to me, all the time, and I didn’t know how to ask for space. We were both desperate, and new, and unsure of ourselves in all too similar ways. The difference was, I was better at faking it, and you weren’t cruel. I lashed out and did hateful things, and humiliated you and hurt you. I have to take full responsibility, Clara. And I know that I sealed my fate when I went and abandoned you, when I could have stayed if not for being weak, and afraid, and taking the easy way out. I could make a million excuses, but the truth is, I left because I was scared. I was scared of making mistakes and not having anyone I could count on, because I’m like that I think people are my enemies even when they’re not, and I don’t trust anyone, really, and the people I do let myself love I always think they’re going to die and leave me or just plain leave me or not like me enough. I’ve turned this into something about me, haven’t I. Oh well, I suppose it is. Well, I’m also sorry for being lazy and leaving you with my messes to clean up and for not being a good ebough friend and even though I resented you, being lonely enough to try and string you along for a friendship of texting and calling because I needed someone, not because I liked you. It’s for the best you stopped responding. I hope you’re doing well, Clara, I really do. Find good people who care about you, there’s so much good inside of you.

E- I’m not really sorry, because I don’t like you as a person. I’m just sorry I got caught on the wrong side of things, and I’m so mad that I prove to myself again and again that I can’t stand up to things I believe are wrong if I am confronted with them. I should have told him off, he was wrong and hurtful and so, so, offensive, and I hate myself for that. I think I hate myself more for being friends with him and that group for so long, even though I didn’t like any of them and I just wanted to be included. I hate myself even more for texting you drunk that I was sorry. And more so for reading your response, and blocking you because it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. And even more so, if possible, that I saw you at that restaurant and you saw me and I hate the way you made me feel about myself.

V- I wanted you to like me, so, so, badly and I don’t know why. Well, maybe I do- you were so sure of yourself and intimidating and you knew the right way, and I went to your dorm for that “kickback” alone even though it was Clara you invited, and drank a lot and made a fool out of myself, and everyone thought I said a slur even though I didn’t, it was just such a terrible awful coincedence that what I said sounded so much like one- And then I texted you, apologizing, and you never responded- Actually, this is just really an embarassing regret I have. I just hate the way you made me feel about myself. Wow, this really is a common theme, huh?

Maile- I think I’m the sorriest of all here, we have the messiest and longest history of everyone I’m sorry about. I’m sorry we had that fight. It was my fault, after all. You were just trying to set boundaries. And I got hurt. And then I got more hurt, when I said you were my best friend but you told me I wasn’t yours. And I lashed out. And tried to hurt you, and you’re sensetive just like me and I should have been more careful, and I really really hurt you and what I said was awful. You are not a burden, you are not your problems, andd I hate how we were never the same, after that. Furthermore,  I’m sorry for how manipulative I was- am. You have trouble texting back in general, nothing to do with me, and I really tried my hardest to make you guilty enough to respond. Our whole friendship, I made you hurt just because I was weak and relied on you too much and took too much and I was insecure, and- Well, I’m just sorry, really. It was for the best I told you we shouldn’t talk anymore. It really doesn’t have that much to do with the cocaine thing. Mostly, I knew it was unhealthy. Maybe I could have texted it out better. Regardless, I am sorry. I hope you find your peace. I really don’t mean for this to sound condescending. If anything, this is the most sincere I’ve been in a while.

I have to remind myself not to send these. Because it would hurt more. I need to let these things go. I cannot make them worse.

The worst thing about me is that I can’t blame alcohol on my mistakes, or any drugs. It’s all me. It’s always all me. How do I repent now? (Repent is another favorite).

I wish I could bulldoze my house to the ground.

[hisdirtymutt]

02-16-24 Date 3

We spent Friday night and almost all of Saturday Day together. He's got the cutest puppy. Plus he's just so cute. So seeing them both together. Is oof. We had an amazing night Friday night. But all Saturday was pretty stressful. It's good to write about the good and the bad.

Friday night was the best anal of my life. He fucked my ass mercilessly like it was my pussy. And it was barely any pain. Omg his cock fits so perfectly in my ass. Like I was made to be his filthy mutt. And he woke up like every 3 hours to fuck me or make me suck his cock and it was hot. But I was really wiped and tired from all the play. But it was amazing.

Saturday started out stressful... We had gotten hot and heavy the night before and he had me go down on him and eat his ass. All amazing. But it was like a joint panic attack of us both being hella paranoid because my cold sore wasn't entirely gone. Like a red spot still. Even if mostly healed. And I don't wanna give him anything. We ended up taking a nice bath together to calm down. That was cute though. My Daddy is so fucking sexy and handsome and cute. Obviously biased. Fuck his body is sexy. He has a yummy cock. I love his tummy. And he has one of the cutest butts I've ever seen. Makes eating it so much better. 😈I hope we do foot worship soon.

The second thing was him giving me my first suppository. He wanted to turn me into his little stinker. And have more bathroom control power. No potty at Daddy's place. But it didn't set well with my stomach. Mainly because I kept trying to push and force it. But when I finally stopped it just happened so easily and naturally. But of course that was immediately when he put me in a new diaper. It's weird because I liked it. 😳🙈�� I want a redo. 😛

The third thing beyond the suppository not sitting well with my tummy. And the anxiety of the unknown of my first one is me having to call out. I did find it incredibly hot that since I was indecisive he chose for me. 🤭 He knew it was a limit I was okay with pushing and at least trying once. Now that I know what to expect there should be minimal or no anxiety with it. But anyways my tummy was hurting. I was dehydrated and dizzy and still had upset tummy. So I called out. Which won't happen again and he felt bad. And it wasn't ideal.

Fourth thing and the biggest thing was our first conflict sort of thing. And how we both handled it. But adhd brain wants to add that he peed on my clit in my diaper and made me cum twice and that was so hot. And last visit he peed in my diaper and had me wear it and that made me wet too. Anyways. Back to scheduled programming. Daddy ordered me to pee on his face. Well moreso not a force. And I froze up emotionally because I wasn't comfortable doing it but couldn't find the right words. And then I was gonna use the puppy pad. And I didn't know what I was doing. So it felt like he was disappointed in me and upset. It felt like he was kinda huffing off and angry after. By his body language. Even though he said was okay. So I thought he was upset and I upset him and he was upset about disappointment triggers too. It was a double land mine. I was emotionally shutting down a bit. He felt emotionally distant and almost cold. He wanted to get work done and not have an overnight anymore. But he was asking me what I wanted to do. And my headspace wasn't great. So we wasted a lot of time in conflict. Because I was in a bad headspace and wanted to go home because I thought staying would make it all worse. But because I was in a bad headspace due to the conflict and not wanting to end the night on a bad note I didn't feel okay to leave. It felt like a lose lose. If I went home my headspace wasn't great and had to deal with that alone. If I stayed then he would remain with extra stress over clean up and taking me home and not being able to be CG ish while he worked. Even though I was gonna nap or sleep and entertain myself. It was just a lot. It was very emotionally charged. We both could have done stuff different but importantly we got through it. We had time apart to process. And decided to keep moving. Even though my headspace was really hard to deal with for a while. I cried and reached out for emotional support and help. And I felt better.

I'm so excited for our journey. I love serving my Daddy.