#anger pittsburgh

[kensatou]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

[vanx-97]

This is a synthesizer called Playbox. It's really really difficult to get used to. It creates very random samples that you have to pick at in order to get the sound you want. Sometimes, the sounds are kinda extraordinary.

[icedbatik]

[vizthedatum]

Really struggling today because I realized and then checked that I do indeed have a UTI (based on the urine cultures that were done last week when I had my bladder instillation and then on Tuesday when I dropped off a sample at the hospital) and the nurse last week called me and told me I didn’t need antibiotics and I trusted her.

And I shouldn’t have. This is the nurse I specifically have written on my chart WHO IS NOT ALLOWED TO CATHETERIZE ME OR DO MY BLADDER INSTILLATIONS ANYMORE. She literally cannot even treat me right and I’ve been so patient with her.

I just took her word for it even though I know better.

I’ve just been so overwhelmed with my mood swings and emotions and my fucking job… that I didn’t check.

And now I’ve left multiple messages at the hospital (WHERE I WORK AT OMFG) and on my health portal… and I’m so angry.

I am so angry.

My office and fucking UPMC doesn’t even consider Intersitial Cystitis (IC) a disability. And having a UTI when you have IC is SO FUCKING PAINFUL.

I am all alone. I live all alone. I am broken and traumatized with no nesting partner and likely no one who will ever live with me again because I’m not okay. I need a lot of help and stability in my life, and my experience with humans have been: they’re selfish and unkind and NOT STABLE. My stupid ableist ex-spouse hated that I was disabled and yelled at me for all the shit I couldn’t do even when I took care of their abled ass - what a fucking loser.

I always have to end up taking care of my live-in partners while I get more and more disabled then I can’t do anything and then they all resent me for it. Or they try to control and limit my autonomy when I dare to try to help myself.

What even is the point of all this?

I’m never going to stop having pain and I have to use my other diagnoses such as PTSD and IBS to get disability accommodations for work.

Do you know what IC feels like?

It feels like a forever UTI where it burns while you pee and your urethra keeps burning when you’re not peeing. Your energy gets zapped. Lower abdominal pain. Sharp pain when you have penetrative sex. Sometimes you pee blood. Sometimes the pain gets so bad, you can’t think no matter how many skills you have or what you’ve done to prepare.

People with disabilities are also expected to lead VIRTUOUS lives - following the best diets and exercise routines to help alleviate their condition.

I try.

But do you know how hard it is to be a fucking human with so much trauma and a desperate need to be loved by a community because their parents couldn’t love them… and try to follow the best diet and exercise routines?

Laughable that I get blamed for my poor upkeep of my health when I’m literally disabled.

Laughable because I’m still fucking here despite it all even though I’m a mess.

I feel betrayed by everyone in my life who has ever claimed to have loved me. I feel betrayed by the medical system, a system where I have made my career. I feel betrayed by my own body because I don’t know if anything I do will ever be enough.

[onceuponatown]

Elizabeth Cochran was born on May 5, 1864 in Cochran’s Mills, Pennsylvania. The town was founded by her father, Judge Michael Cochran. Elizabeth had fourteen siblings. Her father had ten children from his first marriage and five children from his second marriage to Elizabeth’s mother, Mary Jane Kennedy.

Michael Cochran’s rise from mill worker to mill owner to judge meant his family lived very comfortably. Unfortunately, he died when Elizabeth was only six years old and his fortune was divided among his many children, leaving Elizabeth’s mother and her children with a small fraction of the wealth they once enjoyed. Elizabeth’s mother soon remarried, but quickly divorced her second husband because of abuse, and relocated the family to Pittsburgh.

Elizabeth knew that she would need to support herself financially. At the age of 15, she enrolled in the State Normal School in Indiana, Pennsylvania, and an added an “e” to her last name to sound more distinguished. Her plan was to graduate and find a position as a teacher. However, after only a year and a half, Elizabeth ran out of money and could no longer afford the tuition. She moved back to Pittsburgh to help her mother run a boarding house.

In 1885, Elizabeth read an article in the Pittsburgh Dispatch that argued a woman’s place was in the home, “to be a helpmate to a man.” She strongly disagreed with this opinion and sent an angry letter to the editor anonymously signed “Lonely Orphan Girl.”

The newspaper’s editor, George A. Madden, was so impressed with the letter that he published a note asking the “Lonely Orphan Girl” to reveal her name. Elizabeth marched into the Dispatch offices and introduced herself. Madden immediately offered her a job as a columnist. Shortly after her first article was published, Elizabeth changed her pseudonym from “Lonely Orphan Girl” to “Nellie Bly,” after a popular song.

Elizabeth positioned herself as an investigative reporter. She went undercover at a factory where she experienced unsafe working conditions, poor wages, and long hours. Her honest reporting about the horrors of workers’ lives attracted negative attention from local factory owners. Elizabeth’s boss did not want to anger Pittsburgh’s elite and quickly reassigned her as a society columnist.

To escape writing about women’s issues on the society page, Elizabeth volunteered to travel to Mexico. She lived there as an international correspondent for the Dispatch for six months. When she returned, she was again assigned to the society page and promptly quit in protest.

Elizabeth hoped the massive newspaper industry of New York City would be more open-minded to a female journalist and left Pittsburgh. Although several newspapers turned down her application because she was a woman, she was eventually given the opportunity to write for Joseph Pulitzer’s New York World.

In her first act of “stunt” journalism for the World, Elizabeth pretended to be mentally ill and arranged to be a patient at New York’s insane asylum for the poor, Blackwell’s Island. For ten days Elizabeth experienced the physical and mental abuses suffered by patients.

Elizabeth’s report about Blackwell’s Island earned her a permanent position as an investigative journalist for the World. She published her articles in a book titled 10 Days in A Mad House. In it, she explained that New York City invested more money into care for the mentally ill after her articles were published. She was satisfied to know that her work led to change.

Activist journalists like Elizabeth—commonly known as muckrakers—were an important part of reform movements. Elizabeth’s investigations brought attention to inequalities and often motivated others to take action. She uncovered the abuse of women by male police officers, identified an employment agency that was stealing from immigrants, and exposed corrupt politicians. She also interviewed influential and controversial figures, including Emma Goldman in 1893.

The most famous of Elizabeth’s stunts was her successful seventy-two-day trip around the world in 1889, for which she had two goals. First, she wanted to beat the record set in the popular fictional world tour from Jules Verne’s Around the World in Eighty Days. Second, she wanted to prove that women were capable of traveling just as well as—if not better than—men. Elizabeth traveled light, taking only the dress she wore, a cape, and a small traveler’s bag. She challenged the stereotypical assumption that women could not travel without many suitcases, outfit changes, and vanity items. Her world tour made her a celebrity. After her return, she toured the country as a lecturer. Her image was used on everything from playing cards to board games. She recounted her adventures in her final book, Around the World in 72 Days.

In 1895, Elizabeth retired from writing and married Robert Livingston Seaman. Robert was a millionaire who owned the Iron Clad Manufacturing Company and the American Steel Barrel Company. When Robert died in 1904, Elizabeth briefly took over as president of his companies.

In 1911, she returned to journalism as a reporter for the New York Evening Journal. She covered a number of national news stories, including the Woman Suffrage Parade of 1913 in Washington, D.C. Elizabeth often referred to suffrage in her articles, arguing that women were as capable as men in all things. During World War I, she traveled to Europe as the first woman to report from the trenches on the front line.

Although Elizabeth never regained the level of stardom she experienced after her trip around the world, she continued to use her writing to shed light on issues of the day. She died of pneumonia on January 27, 1922.

[daryldixonfanfiction]

What you fight for! pt.10 - Good girl(*18+)

Masterlist

summary: Daryl desperately tries to amend after they're heated argument…

Warnings: *18+, SMUT!, intimate sex - this man is in love, unprotected p in v, fingering, use of ‘good girl’, praise!cink, age gap, overprotective!Daryl, anger issues, heated argument, manhandling if y squint, angst, mutual pining, fluff, walkers, brief mention of signs of grief, trauma/dissociation.

wc.6k

According to the diary they had been traveling on foot for two weeks now. Two weeks since leaving pittsburgh. And two weeks since Sam and Henry were buried. It was all she could think about - and her failed promise sat heavy on her heart.

Julia had not told Daryl what she had done that night, when Sam told her he was bit. A part of her new she should have, but she didn't. Instead she comforted him, showing him her scar and the bitmarke there, rubbing some of her blood into his wound in hope her blood could act as a sort of medicine. She knew Daryl would be upset with her actions and it felt it would make no difference if she did tell, so she had kept it to herself.

She didn't feel like talking much, nor did she have much of an appetite sins a week ago when fatigue had begun to creep in. And when she began having heavy cramps she knew she was coming on soon. She had dreaded it, the pain, that jabbing pain that made her want to vomit, but she was prepared with the tampons she had found so she knew she would be fine. Though Advill would be nice.

They were somewhere in northern Ohio.

Each day was colder than the one before and even though the autumn colors painted the levels in spectacular shades of red, orange and yellow she couldn't shake the way she was feeling. She didn't think she was depressed or anything like that, though she had been mourning the loss of Sam, feeling terribly devastated by what had happened that morning, or maybe she was just traumatized about it all? She didn't know. She just hoped she would eventually move past it.

But how did someone move past something so horrid? Something that bleeds into one's dreams, with their blooded faces and Sam's dead body begging her to save him?

She felt guilt, just pure guilt about it all and it felt more important than ever to bring a cure into this unforgiving world.

It had begun getting darker much earlier and it being the beginning of October, mid autumn had begun. Daryl was all about finding a safe place to rest for the night, walking slightly ahead of her though she could always feel his watchful eye, not letting her out of his sight, not even letting her walk too many steps behind or he would snap at her, ordering for her to stay close.

After that morning Julia had noticed Daryl becoming even more protective of her. A clear change in his demeanor. He's always been the one to call the shots, it was his call, he was the leader, the one who had the most experience in this world, easely outweighing hers. Julia didn't mind, in fact she thought it was better that way. Because she trusted him in his decisions and like she had said that night, she did truly trust him ‘with her life’.

But the way she was feeling now only made her feel annoyed by his protectiveness. A Lot of the times she thought it was out right obsessive. It made her feel like a child that could not think for oneself, and she was perfectly capable of making her own decisions on her own accord. But Daryl had decided everything for her and if she didn't follow along she knew she would get scolded, so she did as she was told and kept it to herself, silently brewing underneath.

Entering a small abandoned town Julia longed for her aching feet to get some rest as they had been traveling since dawn. Julia looked down to the ground as they walked and Daryl let out a sigh, before shaking his head. It got Julias attention,

“What?” she questiond.

“You gotta stop doing that,” Daryl said.

And there it was again.

Julia looked a head, acting as if she didn't know what he was talking about, because she didn't have the energy for it, feeling drained, then she looked at him, and she questions,

“Doing what?”

Daryl gives her a look, “Disepering.”

And Julia knew what he meant by that. He was right, she wasn't paying attention. But she couldn't control it, it just happened, like it did when they had been ambushed and her body disappeared to somewhere she didn't know. She had thought of bringing it up, but chused against it. Bause how could she make him understand something she couldn't herself? And if she did say something it would sound like a lame excuse and she never wanted to burden him with her problems.

Making their way through the desolated town, they eventually spot a good place to hunker down. Daryl leads the way around the small food store and just when they turn the corner they run into a group of walkers, Daryl grabbed onto her, ushering them into the opposite direction, but they were cornered by more, leaving no other choice then fighting their way true. The dead were closing in fast, and Daryl's grip on her grew stronger. She could sense his inner panic and it was unlike her to feel so unafraid, not stiffening up but instead feeling confident she could handle herself.

They doge and stab walkers that get too close and it was working, they were making their way true. Moving to the back door that would be their escape Daryl rushes up to it, successfully forcing it open, Julia reaches the dore where Daryl stood holding it open for her, but then she looked behind herself and she knew the walkers would eventually make their way inside. Spotting the fence she steps back, and Daryl loses his grasp on her,

“I’m gonna draw them away!” Julia announced.

Daryl tries to stop her, but she is already on her way and begins to draw the walkers towards the other side of the fence away from the building.

Julia runs up to the opening and the walkers follow her true the gate. Waiting for the last one to pass true she realized it wasn't such a good plan as she had thought. She had moved the walkers and the next step to get herself out of there after trapping them she hadn't properly thought all the way true, unintentionally traping herself. Running back to the gate a walker gets a hold of a shug of hair, pulling her back towards its hungry teeth and its friends. That’s when the panic finely cashed up. Julia screams from the harsh pain, terrified doing anything to get out of its hold.

It happened so fast, the pain was gone by a swish of a bolt and she was pulled out of there within a second. Daryl came to her rescue and did what she couldn't, successfully closing the gate, walkers now trapped behind it, pushing and growling against the fens.

Julia rubbed the back of her haid where the walker had pulled, feeling a bruise forming there.

Daryl having secured the gate with a chain he made his way towards her, moving with purposeful strides towards where she stood making Julia's heart rate pick up, knowing sins meeting him he could have a very fiery temper. Her hand paused as he continued towards her and Julia was quick to amend,

“That was close, huh?”

It was an attempt to soften him. To soften the rage that threatened behind his eyes. It didn't seem to work though, as he reached out and took her upper arm, pulling her towards himself and snapped,

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?! Huh!”

And Julia couldn't find the words, she just stares up at him wide eyed.

“Girl, answer me God dammit!” he demanded.

Julia jumped, the anger in his voice surprised her. His expression screamed so many different things she felt she could hardly breathe. Julia blinked, several times more. He stared her down with narrowed eyes, waiting for her to say something and she felt so small under his gaze.

“No, I was ju-, ju-” she stutters, finding it hard to look him in the eye. “I just didn't see that one coming from behind, it’s not a big deal, nothing happened…”

The moment she said it Julia knew it sounded stupid, that she had been naive. It made something within Daryl snap, the subtle twitch his eyebrow told her so. Julia wasn't sure if it was anger towards her, or worry, or what. Then his face turned unreadable,

"What?” It came out low...daring. As if he couldn't believe it had come out of her mouth.

Julia blinked, feeling startled at the reaction. She began to step backwards, and tried to retract,

“Nothing..”

Daryl didn't seem like he didn't want to play any games, following with every step she took.

"No, what the hell did you just say?" he demanded coldly.

Julia swallowed hard, feeling winded all of a sudden, "It wasn't a big deal. Nothing happened.”

Julia continued to step backwards until her back was against the chops facade.

"Yeah, because I made it to ya in time,” Daryl said, caging her in. His voice was empty of emotion, but it held something sharp behind it, something warning, "If I wasn't, you’d be ripped to shreds right now.”

“But I wasn't,” Julia insisted.

Daryl starred. He just stared. And she wished he would just calm down. He was angry but It wasn't rage - it was something else. Maybe he was scared? But it didn't make the way he was treating her any more okay.

Daryl stepped even closer, “The fuck is wrong with you? Being immune doesn't make you immortal, or did you forget that?”

She shook her head, then croaked weakly, "Stop talking down to me."

"Then stop doing stupid shit that can get you killed," Daryl countered easily.

Julia looked up at him, feeling her eyes begin to burn, "You always make it sound like you're the only one capable of doing anything. I can handle myself.”

"Will you just stop it.” Daryl demanded.

Julia frowned, “No, you stop it! Just because you feel like you have to do everything yourself for it to be done correctly, doesn't mean you can treat me however you want!”

Then Julia stepped forward and this time It was Daryl that took a step back, and she said with tears falling from her eyes,

“Don’t you get it?! You can’t get bit, but I can!”

Daryl stood there completely baffled, just staring at her and she could not read the look he was giving her. Did he even understand what she meant by that? Meaby not. But the anger had dissipated from both sides, melting away with the rain. And as they went inside it felt like she had no words left to say after that.

She had always found arguing terebully draining and all she wanted was to get to bed.

Julia was giving him the silent treatment, and he simply could not stand it.

He desperately wanted to amend. And he didn't like the idea of going to bed without resolving it. What if she never talks to him again, if she couldn't forgive him?

Daryl watched Julia get ready for bed.

The dim lantern being the only source of light inside the small store. The sound of raindrops hitting the glass smothers him, and he didn't think he would be able to sleep without hearing her voice. He watched her roll out her sleeping bag, beginning to adjust herself in it - getting ready to sleep…

Daryl sat on top of his sleeping bag, too restless to lay down in it and instead opted to lean back into the wall, staring where she laid with her back facing him. Her soft form moved with every breath, and he knew she was still awake,

“Julia,” he spoke softly and he could see the small movement made in response, “Can’t we talk about this…please?”

He didn't care if he sounded pathetic. If he wanted to make it right he had to put his ego aside, so that's what he did even though he didn't know how to go about something like this.

"Please."

There was no response, and when he thought she had gone to sleep, or simply opted to ignore him further Julia turned around. And even though her eyes still had that sad look, puffy from crying, he felt a sense of hope. Because at least she was looking at him, offering her attention he didn't deserve. Daryl swallowed nervously…then..

“I’m sorry,” he apologized.

Daryl hoped it came across as sincere as he men’t it, because he truly was sorry, feeling ashamed of how poorly he had been treating her. Julia blinked from where she laid, listening from her sleeping bag. He swallowed again, then continued, with that soft tone that only existed for her,

“I was a real asshole for treating you like that…Can you…'' He had to evert his eyes, feeling guilty for asking for something he didn't think he deserved. But he didn't anyway. His gaze lifted and he asked,

“Can you forgive me?”

Julia's eyes welled up, brows pulled downwards and her lip began to quiver before she broke down crying. He stiffened, not expecting this as her response. He didn't know what else to do so he moved where she laid and pulled her into his chest, sushing apologies until she calmed and her breathing evend out.

“Fuck, I’m sory, I’m so sory,” Daryl reppets, wiping her tears away until they stoped falling. All he could do was holding her there on the floor in his arms, and he didn't know how long he did.

Then - softly, her voice came to life against his shoulder were her head rested and tears had stain his jacket,

“I forgive you, Daryl.”

Julia was staring directly into his eyes. She looked so small in his arms, her brown eyes looked almost like stars, glimmering up at him with all her kindness - and never before had he felt relief wash over him so intensely.

Daryl bowed his head, he felt like crying himself, but then he felt her hand on his cheek gently brushing a tear away, soothing him even though he had been the one that had made her shed tears due to his cruelty.

He searched her face. He searched for something to hold onto. And then it was like the wind had shifted to something else entirely and he could see it in her eyes that she felt it too. A part of him knew what she must be thinking, because he felt his heart begin to beat against hers, or he assumed it was a shared thought.

It was much like that night…Her hand on his face and all he wanted to do was kiss her.

That night had been...a night in which Daryl had given into every small desire he had ever felt towards her since the prison. Desires he had barely known existed up until that moment when he couldn't stop himself and he was sinking between her legs.

He glanced down to her lips, inviting and full. He swallowed hard, entranced and nervous. His hand that had cradled her head in the embrace moved by its on, his thumb beginning to trace her bottom lip. He washed how she closed her pretty eyes, how she leaned into his touch. Julia let out the most beautiful sigh he had ever heard, and he hoped his mind wasn't making him hear things that wasen’t there.

He thought to remove it, to move back where he had been sitting and go back to bed. But his thumb remained right where it was, and he watched Julia’s eyes flicker open, looking true her eyelashes, notesting her eyes having darkened significantly. His thumb slid to her neck, feeling the softness of her skin. She felt…so comforting. He wasn't sure if he was correct - but he thought she sounded more breathy than usual. And he wondered how things had shifted so quickly - how it had gone from making her cry to having her in his arms looking up at him like she was begging.

Pressure formed under his stomach. That thing that had caused him to have her in the sopha. Moments ticked by like that, staring into each other's eyes. He wondered if she wanted him to get away...If she wanted to push him. But when her mouth opened, he was met with the soft voice that always made it feel like he could never go a day without properly hearing it speaking towards him...A question on the tip of her tongue...

"Please stay?”

And he found it impossible to deny her anything at the moment. He was so engrossed with the feel of her smooth skin and what she was implying he had completely forgotten to reply.

“Daryl?”

Fuck. Her voice always spoke it so delicately, like butterflies.

Daryl's hands slid to her hips, gouging her reaction to his touch. Her small fingers laced into the fabric near his neck as he laid her back, and it sounded like she could hardly inhale. Julia zipped open her sleeping bag, opening it completely, inviting him closer.

She had sounded beautiful that night, and had felt...even more so. He swallowed once more. She wasn't stopping him as he moved on top of her, boxing her in - but he felt she wouldn't. It was himself that he wanted to stop...but he couldn't. He stared down at her soft features. Her legs slightly spread apart, welcoming him. The room was silent besides their breaths and rain dripping against the windows. And he felt something he had known before - that he wasn't going to stop himself if he wasn't asked to…

"Julia," he breathed, and she was looking up at him with that soft expresion, "I...Need you to say it's okay."

His emotions had been all over the place before. So desperate for her touch there had been little time to think it true. Julia only nodded until he ordered,

"Say it."

"It's okay,” She breathed easely, smoothing his hair away from his eyes.

And everything - the regret from that morning after that night, all of it. It seemed to pause. Melt. Disappear for a moment. He worked quickly, removing the upper layers down to his sleeveless shirt, adamant to keep the scars on his back hidden.

Julia was beginning to take off her jacket as well and he assisted, helping her peel it of easley. discarding it to the floor, then her shirt followed, exposing her upper body to him and his eyes darkened seeing she hadn't been using a bra. His thirsty gaze followed down to her jeans and she must have sensed what he was asking,

“It’s okay, Daryl.” Julia assured.

And there it was again, the way she said his name.

He obliged, unbuckling her belt, then grabbed the edges of her jeans, hiking them downwards. Her plump bottom slid out from underneath her, and he pulled them down enough to expose her. He moved to her side, and found her mouth...And for the first time since that night - he kissed her.

He made a sound into her mouth deep and rumbling as he pressed into it. Julia's skin was warm and welcoming against him, and he couldn't describe what relief it was...She had forgiven him and was willing. Her hands were caressing his cheek and a part of him wondered how she could let him touch her again when he had been so terrible to her after that morning. But the thought only remained a moment before he pulled from the kiss, breathing heavily and he pushed his clothed front against the curve of her bottom, seeking that warm contact he needed.

Julia arched herself closer against him, inhaling sharply as his hand traveled along her breast and squished. She was squirming under his touche, and he liked how sensitive she was. He had barely touched her and she was already shaking. His right hand stayed there squeezing as his left agonizingly slow moved down, down to the heat between her legs. She was dripping wet already, the feel of it made his head spin. He began to move two fingers in and out of her and he was terribly hard against her, but he was focused on making her fall apart on his fingers. But then he could feel her reaching down to where he was moving inside of her and he was taken by surprise. She moved his two fingers with hers and began to guide him, making rhythmic circles there, with a certain amount of pressure. In an instant he could feel how she began to twitch against him, and he watched with awe.

She was showing him how she liked it and then let go when he continued on. And just like that he washed her fall apart under his touche. He soaked up every expression, every little sound she made, letting her breathe it true, then kissed her gently. Leaning into her ear he breathed,

“You're amazing.”

He could feel how his pants had grown even tighter as he wrapped his mouth around hers and he gave her other breast a squeeze. She whimpered. Softly - and he wished it was louder. It still sounded as if she was biting the sounds back and when he pulled away from the kiss onely to unbuckle his belt and release himself from the tight confinement of his pants, he slid his hand along himself, stroking back and forth a few times as he moved so he was properly spooning her.

He gently took the edges of Julia’s underwear, sliding them downwards to where the jeans were bunched up under her bottom. She allowed it easily, and his hand moved to feel the wetness, making sure she was ready. He kissed her shoulder, whispering into her skin,

"You're safe...You don't have to be quiet.”

She nodded against him and he grabbed himself, slowly dragging along her folds. She was slick, and he felt her twitch at his movement. With an arm around her from underneath he pulled her flush against his chest. Her nimble fingers found their way around his forearm, gripping onto him as he started to elinine himself. Entering, he gasped,

“Fuck.”

He had to go painfully slow as he made his way inside of her. The feel of her arching against him and her holding onto him like a lifeline made warmth spread through his lower body, she was so…just soft, everywhere it seemed. Welcoming him. Daryl could hardly stand the tightness - with his free hand he dug fingers into her hips tightly as he let her adjust herself around him. Onely when he could feel her relax he began to move, but slowly, he wanted it to last as long as it could.

With every rock of his hips Daryl when’t as deep as her body would let him, earning a soft whine of pleasure from Julias lips - Daryl gasped as well. He continued to grunt, keeping the pace slow but firm. There was a muffled cry, hearing it he realized she was keeping sounds from him, prompting Daryl to yank her hand from her mouth and out came those pretty sounds, one after the other slipping past her lips. He felt a sense of pride in that, knowing he had brought them to the surface.

Passing her hand to his other, ensuring she would not attempt it a second time. He reached down and began making circles around her swollen bud as he continued his steady pace. Her body moved deeply in response to his fingers joining. Julia was squirming and her legs trembled. He kept it how she had showed him, soft...slow...with just the right amount of pressure and at the same time tried to have her there as long as he coulde. The sounds from her were slowly growing, and he felt his stomach flutter a bit, when he heard her say in a quiet plea,

"Daryl,” It was breathless, it sounded perfect coming from her.

He pushed himself deeper, his fingers moving more urgently, finding that perfect pace that made her soft whimpers grow louder..louder still. He quickened it even more when he heard her breath beginning to speed up, her head fell back into his shoulder and her thighs began to squish his hand in response. He went faster and faster, trying to get her to that point. Leaning near her ear, he encouraged,

“Good girl, almost there.”

It didn't take long after that before he felt her twitches, her cries turning into soft whimpers. Daryl let her ride it out against his fingers. And he relished in it, her body warm and sweaty like his own. And never before had he wished that he wasn't the way he was about his scars, badly craving to be skin to skin, but his shame would not let him.

Leaning down he found her panting mouth and offered a hard kiss. She returned the kiss- but it was far gentler despite the trembling state she was in. Pulling from the kiss her eyes were still closed in bliss, and Daryl asked softly,

“You okay?"

Julia’s dark eyes fluttered open,

“Yeah…”

It was breathy the way she said it. He kissed her again - he just wanted to keep on kissing her. A part of him wanted to whisper words that would leave them both feeling dirty for days- but there was another part that just wanted her to know how beautiful she was - how wonderful she felt and how much he enjoyed to be inside of her - to just…fuck her out of her mind. He wouldn't of course, as he had promised himself to be nothing but gentle, taking his time that he didn't in their last encounter.

As they kissed he guided her so she was laying on her back, his free arm held her under her knees, holding them up. Her arms reached to where he was still on his side, wrapping them around his neck and it felt like they fitted like a puzzle piece. It was like she was sitting on his lap, but lying down. He liked how he had her face at full display, and he could kiss her much easier this way. With his other arm, still underneath her head, he took the side of her face into his grasp, forcing her to look at him. And when she began to close her eyes, he ordered,

“Hey, you keep those pretty eyes on me.”

Her eyes fluttered open, and her gaze was back on him.

“Good girl,” he praised. And a dark part of him liked how submissive she was.

Daryl couldn't hold out the slow pace for so much longer, it was too agonizing. He went just a bit faster, then a bit harder. Just a bit more he told himself. His hips were no longer rocking that steady pace into her making the sound of their bodies colliding come to life. The feel of her hot breath felt like feathers brushing along his face, as her fingers gripped onto the nap of his neck. Her touch was enough to make him want to go over the edge, watching her taking him so well as she held onto him as if her life depended on it - making it feel unfair for someone like him to be intimate with someone as perfect as her.

There was a particular whimper she made, that made his heart flutter every time, urging him faster and faster until eventually he simply couldn't stand it anymore. He removed his arm under her knees, adjusting Julia back into the spooning position as he continued, putting both his arms around her, tightly pushing her into his every trust. Julias head fell back as he continued to have her. Daryl planted a kiss on her face as he released his arm to spread her apart and quickened the pace even more, maybe being too rough as he slammed himself into her. Julia made a beautiful sound, arching even more for him to get better axes and Daryl held her tighter, spreading her cheeks to get to that perfect angle she seemed to like. Julia began to almost squirm her way out of his hold, as if she didn't know what else to do as the pleasure wracked her body. He heard her beg past her panting,

"Please..please..”

Daryl planted reshoring kisses down her neck then buried his forehead in her hair. She was tensing around him, and he felt his blood rushing in his ears in response to the feeling, pulling him closer to finish. Her hair felt so smooth and her scent enveloped his senses completely, his body started to become sloppy as he thrusted faster and more desperately the closer he came to climax. Julia was breathing so heavily, her sounds the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. Then something like electricity shot through his body. He groaned into her skin, tensing as he hugged her from behind, having her flush against him as he continued to rock true the climax. They were both sweating, his shirt and hair drenched in it - the smell of sex filing his nostrils. Her body was boneless against him as he continued to rock his hips just slightly.

Their chest was heaving rhythmically with one another and he could feel the wetness between her legs as he slipped out of her - and he wished he could stay in her warmth forever, holding her like this. His mind was fogged a bit, as he unburied his face from her hair and looked at her trembling mess.

Julia slid out his hold and turned to him with half lidded eyes, she truly was angelike, the afterglow having him infatuated with her boundless beauty. Daryl caressed her cheek affectionately and he didn't think she could ever fathom how much she meant...How her existence was one of the only things that mattered to him - how if he could have her every night, he would cease to need anything else. Her eyes began to draw heavy, as if exhaustion was finally cashing up. He pressed his mouth to her hairline and her eyes opened, she looked like she could fall asleep any second.

It had been far different from the first time - they had been through so much and he had thought he had almost lost her forever. He still wished he could do more to her - make her feel everything even though he had made her come three times this time. He smoothed back her dark curls, and she soaked in his touch with her eyes closed.

He was silent - almost frozen as he took in the beauty of her soft features. Until he quickly leaned forward, pressing a forceful kiss to her mouth, not gentle...He didn't know if his kisses ever were. She always seemed to be the one to force him to slow the insatiable desire to have more and more. She was too much, too kind, a safe haven between her legs and when it was over, he wished for more.

His thumb slid along her lips. And the thoughts of what had almost happened to her rushed in without warning. Truly, the thought of someone touching her the way he did made his mind flare in that same way that made him kill those asholes. The need to protect her, to keep her from harm's way in any form had grown into something that had begun to consume him - even bleed into his dreams if he failed. And he had never meant to treat her that way, it had been his attempt to protect her.

Selfishly he wanted every inch of her skin to be his. For him to be the only one that could ever pull any of those sounds from her. He must have disappeared into his thoughts when Julias hand slowly covered where he was smothering her hair, pausing his movement there. The glimmer in her eyes caught his attention sharply, it looked like she was about to cry and he feared he had hurt her somehow. Searching her face attentively, tilting her chin up Daryl questions,

“What’s wrong?”

A tear fell and he brushed it away just as quickly. She smiled sadly up at him and he questioned,

“Did I hurt yah?”

“No,” Julia denied, shaking her haid.

But something was, he could tell.

Her hand brushed away the hair covering his eyes, then moved along his face, then along his stubble, her thumb slid along his mouth, but she was much more delicate in her way of touching. No hurry behind it, just the attentive softness of her way of doing things. It almost felt even more intimate than being inside of her. Just the feeling of her made him feel a sense of safety he had never felt before and he desperately craved it, having been deprived of it his whole life. She continued on, some kind of emotion behind the words,

“I’m happy…But I’m…”

Daryl felt bothe confusion and worry to her words, and he just needed her to spit it out so he could fix it,

“But what?” Daryl questioned, desperate to get to the route of the problem.

Her brows came together and it came out so small from her lips…

“..Scared. Please don't wake up tomorrow and regret me.”

He felt guilt down to his core. Shaking his head he shushed her as gently as he could. He was beginning to learn how to comfort her, how to be gentle like she had with him.

"No, No, I won't. And I never did.” He confessed.

Julia blinked up at him in disbelief,

“But you said-

Daryl cout her of before she could finish,

“Fuck what I said,” he took a hold of her face, “I never regretted you and that’s the truth. You hear’n me.”

Julia searched his eyes carefully, maybe she was still in disbelief?

“You sure you're not saying that just because you feel sorry?”

“Yes,” Daryl insisted.

Then for the first time in a long time she gave him a true smile. God her mood swings were giving him whiplash. He gathered her into his chest. His arms enveloping her form as he snuggled his chin into the crook of her neck unintentionally making her giggle in response. He liked how happy it made her sound so he repeated the motion, making her bubble with laughter.

“Stop it Daryl! That tickles!” Julia laughs and Daryl chuckles, holding her in place so she couldn't escape.

Her laughter created butterflies in his stomach and only when she was out of breath he gave her a chance to breathe. He looked at her with affection he had never felt before, he looked at her exposed body and he could see goosebumps forming there.

“You cold?” He asked.

“A bit.”

And without a word he sat up and began helping her with getting her jeans back on. He had been the one to remove them, so he thought it was only reasonable for him to do so. Finishing with her shirt over her head he laid down and siped the sleeping bag back together, cocooning them as he held her close and spooned her. He felt her relax against him, her head becoming heavy on top of his arm. Her curls were everywhere. There was so much of it, he carefully gathered it and smoothed it away from his face. He could hear her breathing even out - then as if half asleep, almost innocently she said…

“You're so warm. You’re like your own sun.”

Daryl hummed with his eyes closed, feeling sleep taking a hold of him too. Snuggling his nose into her hair he said,

“Julia, it's time to sleep.”

But Julia never responded, having drifted away into the world of dreams, and he wondered if she had been asleep all along.

Pt.11 Masterlist

[mossyivy]

၇͜ᩘ𑁍𝒲𝒾𝓁𝒹𝒻𝓁ℴ𝓌ℯ𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 ℬ𝒶𝓇𝓁ℯ𝓎⸙

Hey there pookies, you can fully blame Hozier for releasing his EP today. Wildflower and Barley is my favorite song off is and I wept while writing this so hopefully y'all will too :)

Song

Words: 1.6k

CW: Talks of Death

Damnation! Leon Kennedy x Reader

His jaw clenched, grip tight on the steering wheel as the engine sputtered to a halt. His old Jeep usually never failed him, even if he'd been ignoring the 'check engine light' for the past week on the road. He knew that ol' reliable would pull through before his last stop.

That's what denial told him at least...

But not everything can be relied on, he knew that. Why would he bother holding out?

In silence, he pops the hood, being met with steam. Of course... Nothing he could patch up and move on with.

A disgusted sigh slips from frowning lips as he slams the hood back down, anger settling in as he goes to grab his bag from the passenger seat. Reaching for his keys, they slip from the ignition and fumble under the seat.

"God damnit..." He mumbles, reaching, reaching far under the seat. His hand stops feeling something hard and smooth. He pulls at it, looking down at the iPod in his hand.

Your iPod.

He presses down on the power, surprised to see the screen light up as the company logo pops up and the lock shows. Swiping through it, he taps the video app. Seeing the massive collection of videos, he scrolls to the bottom. Hitting the last one, opening it to the sound of your laughter.

"You look ridiculous!" Your voice chirps as he sees himself standing in your old apartment bathroom as he combs his hair with his fingers in the mirror. Pushing through the botched blotchy dye job, he gave himself to be a brunet for an assignment in Pittsburgh.

"Stop laughing and help me fix it!" His head jolts around, softly glaring at you as the camera shakes from your held back laughter.

"Are you recording this? Get over here." The camera jostles around as you shake from Leon pulling you over to him. The camera moves to yours and his reflection in the mirror. His arms around you, head sitting on your shoulder, and that same shit eating grin on your face you'd always give when he was annoyed with you.

"It's so... Patchy. Kinda like old dog fur." You giggle as his head lifts to turn towards you.

"I'll show you dog." Leaning in, he bites your shoulder, an excited yelp leaving your lips as the video cuts off.

He smiled, briefly. Two years ago.

Simpler times...

Slipping the iPod in his pocket, he grabs his keys and starts walking. No idea where, but the road had to lead somewhere eventually.

So he walked down the road, the spring morning heat turning to afternoon as the sun blared down on him. He had to have been at least a few miles from his Jeep by now. Trees are getting thinner as open country fields come into view.

You'd always wanted to go to the countryside, even just for a weekend.

Leon stops for a moment, looking out at the open fields, fields of wildflowers and what he thinks is barley.

You were the smart one in your relationship. Always so knowledgeable about the weirdest things.

So different from him. So delicate and beautiful compared to his rough edges and awkward sense of humor that would always make you crack up.

Would...

He swallows the lump forming in his throat, pulling at the chain carrying old dog tags and a pill pendent. The shade looks inviting in the heat.

So he wanders over, trying to avoid stepping on flowers as he walks. Knowing he'll probably be covered in pollen by the time he's out of here.

Finally, making it to the thin patch of shade, he sits against the tree, taking in the floral scenery around him. Thinking about how beautiful it was.

Fishing in his pocket, he grabs your iPod, opening it and goes back to the videos. Flipping through the thumbnails, when he spots himself, two pens hanging from his mouth like long fangs.

He clicks the video, seeing himself propped against the small counter and sink of a doctor's office. A woman in bright pink scrubs walking past while you chuckle.

He remembers this day, you had to get blood drawn. He knew how much you hated needles, and while trying to distract you from the incoming pinch, shoved the pens in his mouth as a joke.

That was a year ago...

What he'd give to go back to that day. To make you laugh all over again. To drop the pens from his mouth by accident and get dirty looks from the nurse and make you laugh harder. Or even just to see the smile on your face when he got embarrassed and acted like nothing happened to save face. To just bargain with the universe to give you back, even just for a second.

Leon continues flipping through the videos, seeing memory after memory. He stops, noticing the gap between videos.

Six months and two months ago...

His hands start to shake as he clicks on the video from six months ago. You pop up on the screen.

Tubes in your nose in a close-up shot. Eyes baggy and tired against your abnormally dull skin. A small smile on your face as the camera moves to your right, his sleeping face appearing curled up on your shoulder as he cuddles up to you in the hospital bed.

"Big baby can't go five minutes without being next to me since he got home from Russia." You lean in giving him a soft kiss on the forehead as his nose wrinkles. Loud snores erupting from him as you wrap your arm around him tighter.

"Sleeps like a bear... A giant teddy bear." You hold the camera back, seeing him intertwined with you under the plush throw blanket he brought to the hospital for you.

"But, he's my bear. And I wouldn't want it any other way."

He feels the burn of tears at the back of his eyes. His nose stinging.

Of all the things life could take from him, why you? The one light he had that could turn the pitch black midnight skies of Winter into the midday sunshine of Summer.

The thick jacket of grief hangs over his shoulders again that he's tried shoving off since you died.

He's kept going for two months straight, not stopping or slowing down to let time catch up with him.

This has been the first time since the week off he took after your funeral he's been anywhere but work or sleeping on the couch, refusing to sleep in bed. Not without you. Falling into an even deeper depression than he already was in.

The wind picks up, ripping loose flowers from the ground, landing at the side of his thigh. Picking it up, he runs his thumb over the soft pink petals. Tiny traces of brown dusted the edges.

Rot... Disgusting rot even infects untouched places like this.

He lets the flower go as it drifts off in the wind. Looking back down, he took in a deep breath, squeezing his eyes for a moment to hold back his tears. Clicking the last video.

Two months ago...

You look so tired... Run down by countless trips to the doctor. Medication, minor procedures and time.

You sit back in your hospital bed with a sight. The soft night light in the room only illuminates you as you look back at the camera. Your voice is soft as you speak.

"It's a little past 2... I can't sleep. My surgery's in," you look off-screen, squinting, head swiveling back, "six-ish hours... I'm nervous."

Biting your lip you shrug. Letting out a rough huff of air.

"I've come to terms with it... The doctor said there's only a 20% success rate..." You go quiet, looking away from the camera.

"My parents have no idea how technology works... So when you see this Leon... Tell them I love them... And I love you. More than anyone I've ever loved before. Thank you for being the love of my life, even if it was only for a short time. Five years isn't long enough... But they were the happiest five years of my life."

You smile, lean into the camera, put your hand to your lips, and blow him a kiss.

"Take care of yourself for me, baby."

Leon sniffs as he stares down at the screen. Feeling the overwhelming ache in his chest. Tears finally spill as his throat closes, making him gag for air.

He coughs, feeling sick, not being able to stop the tears from flowing. This, this was the way his body finally made him grieve.

Whether he wanted to or not.

After a while, he leans back against the tree again, clutching his chain after he slips it off. Looking down at the pill attached next to his dog tags.

You... Little old you, always going with him wherever you could or wherever he was willing.

Even now, he carries part of your ashes with him. Just so he could take you to that beautiful countryside, get away, he promised you after surgery.

He had every intention of getting you somewhere beautiful to rest. Somewhere he knew you'd love.

Among nature, the beautiful shades of colors you adored so much, almost as much as he loved you.

He stands up and walks out of the shade as the wind starts picking up again. Turning his back to the wind as flowers and weeds flew past him.

"I love you baby. Always have, always will." He kisses the pill pendent one last time, unscrewing it, and tosses the bit of your ashes into the wind.

Accepting that he has to let you go, even if it kills him.

Letting you fly free in the sky, among the weeds.

Among the wildflower and barley.

[hypermania]

transcript of the full thread:

"A very long thread: To the League fans, We found out this news along with you on Friday. I see the pain and anger and worry out there, which for the LGBTQIA+ fans of the show is of course compounded by what’s happening across the country right now. #ALeagueOfTheirOwn

So the first and most important thing to say is: Before anything, before you fight for the show or each other, please take care of yourselves. Reach out to your community and ask for help if you need it. You aren’t alone. Please be kind to yourselves.

As I’ve been thinking about what’s happened, I come back to a quote from Penny Marshall’s film: “The hard is what makes it great.” Making this show is so hard and so great. There’s quite a bit to say about what’s been hard, but at this point that’s in the past.

Of course, if we have an avenue to do it well, we will continue the show, and I love seeing the noise you’re making in support of that. The noise matters!

And it’s hard for me to imagine there wouldn’t be a home for a show that thanks to you was in the Nielsen Top 10 for three weeks, was the top show on Amazon for a month and in the top five for six, that was recognized by critics as something special, that’s been recognized…

…with awards from GLAAD, HRC and a million other organizations, that was on a million year-end top ten lists, and that has a built in and deeply passionate audience.

Amazon is pursuing different kinds of programming, but to the rest of the world this show is a hit and has huge value and even greater potential. But first things first, we have to win this strike and get a fair deal before we can explore what comes next.

But for a moment, I want to talk about what happens if the world didn’t quite change quickly enough for you to have all the seasons of this show that we want to give you.

If we don’t find a good path forward, I will still know that League did what it came here to do and, in its own small way, changed the world.

And that’s because of all of you, and the light you continue to shine on the show — How you let it matter to you, how you let it become a mirror, how you let it change you.

I’ve never experienced a response to a show that’s as deep, personal, creative and meaningful as what the fans have done with League. When we were making the season 1, we all wondered and worried about whether people would accept it on its own terms next to the film.

They have, and you did that, and so much more. You lit up the internet on your first watch throughs of the show, when you realized where it was going (and made all of us laugh in the process).

You wrote enough fan fiction for 100 novels and created an outpouring of art and creativity that could fill its own museum — I’ve truly never seen anything like it.

You lifted up a 95 year old who had just come out of the closet and made her into a celebrity who gets recognized wherever she goes. Every time any member of the cast appears at anything, you turn it into a convention.

You stop Abbi wherever she goes, and though I’m a happily inconspicuous person, and you constantly find me and stop me and give me gifts that now have a shelf in my house.

When thousands of you appeared to see D’Arcy at the stage door of The Thanksgiving Play over its run, you turned it into the hottest queer bar in New York. You made Max’s suit and Chante’s beautiful performance into a movement.

A mob of you went to Pittsburgh and saw all of our locations. You dressed as the characters and made our characters into one of the biggest halloween costumes of last year.

You came out, you changed pronouns, you started living more openly, you gave sermons in church about the show, you opened bars, and you got a truly mind boggling number of tattoos that say “to the five” and “rob the bank.” What else am I forgetting? I'm sure you'll remind me.

But most importantly, you made a community, you found each other and found joy, which of course is what the show is about. In many more ways than I would ever have let myself imagine while we were making it, you literally bring the show to life every day.

Thank you for making our work mean something bigger. We’ve heard from so many different kinds of people around the world who are watching League.

But, in a time when all queer people are personally and politically under attack across the country and HRC has declared a “state of emergency,” my biggest fear is that the many queer fans of League will take this reversal as one more invalidation, one more blow, one more…

…effect of the general politicization of our identities. Most of us grew up feeling invisible, and as we gain strength, the predictable backlash forces are trying their hardest to get us to go back underground.

In case anyone needs to hear it: You are not small, niche, modest, off-putting or marginal, and neither are your stories. You are multitudes, you are building, and your stories are universal. You are the most rapidly growing audience and consumer group in this country.

You are powerful. You are the future, and the people who don’t recognize your importance now will feel be clamoring to catch up in a few years. As Chante said so beautifully when we received the Human Right Campaign Visionary award, you are the main characters. Be proud.

Be angry if you that’s how you feel, but know that we are going to win, and don’t ever let this moment or any other make you small. The biggest lesson of the characters in this show is that, in a world that had no space for them at all, they LIVED. (Continued)

They found love, they did the things they loved, they won. You’re doing the same thing, and just like them, you are heroes. We are still fighting for League. But whether we win or lose this one, I’m so proud.

From the time when we began working on the season, Abbi, Deta and I said to each other — Let’s not hold anything back, for as long as we get to be here, let’s do this the right way.

We got so many notes wondering if the exploration of the queer world of the 1940s or Max’s world would be better saved for season 2, if people needed to start somewhere a little more familiar. I’m so glad we didn’t listen, cause now I’m sitting here without any regrets.

And no matter what happens, the people behind League aren’t going anywhere. Give us a minute, we will be back with more for you to watch and read and feel. We’re going to win.

And you’re not going anywhere either, because what you’ve built and what you are is bigger than this show. It’s the story of our community, that comes to us through the hidden history that League shows just one small part of: The bars got raided and shut down.

But the people didn’t go anywhere, and they opened a new bar, and out of those spaces came music, cinema, dance, culture — What we now see as mainstream was birthed from the spaces our predecessors were forced to hide in. They made joy there."

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

❤️‍🩹 #10 with my sweet potato please and thank you?!?!?

for your sweet potato, but Kay and mine leprechaun Jamie of course girlie. 😂😂 I also want to preface this by saying this request was pre-approved by me when she texted me.

200 Followers Celebration

"Why don't you get it."

Sitting on the coach you tried to take some deep breaths to calm your anger that you felt at life right now. But life just wasn't being kind at the moment, you were beyond anger at your boyfriend. Jamie just didn't understand sometimes how the real world worked and you couldn't be mad at him, not when his job automatically made him so out of touch.

He expected you to just drop everything for the entire holiday season and go travel with him to his home state, and go explore new places. But you had responsibilities here. Although you were off for from grad school during the holiday season for three weeks, you still had a full-time job and you were in the middle of trying to get a promotion. Also having your own family you were trying to see at some point during the holiday purely so you didn't have to hear your mothers disapproval over the phone on missing yet another 'family holiday.'

"no Jamie." your voice stern, as strong and stern as you could make it.

"Why? why don't you wanna come home with me?" he demanded.

"Jamie. my sweet boy, I can't" not sure if you were asking yourself or him.

"After this I'm moving across the country. You are already refusing to come."

"Refusing!" cutting him off. "Jamie. that's not fair." Trying to keep your emotions at bay, but you can hear your voice cracking slowly.

"Why? give me one reason you won't let us have one more holiday together before you say goodbye to us forever." The anger slowly leaving his lips with each word, all that is left is the distraught on his face, the hurt, and the hurt you feel in the moment you didn't think could get worse. Until his final blow hit "why don't you wanna fight for us y/n/n." he whispers.

"thats not fair and you know that." The tears falling freely from your face, barely able to get your question out "Why don't you get it?"

He tries to reach for when he notices the tears falling, wanting nothing more than to reach out and wipe them away. Wanting nothing more than to reach out and comfort you. But when he tries you take a step back, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"then help me understand." he begs his own eyes filling with tears.

"I -" clearing your own throat trying to get your voice to be able to speak again without sounding like you were underwater. "I have worked so hard to be where I am. And you have too. But I can't walk away, not when I'm so close. We both knew when we met that we came from different worlds. I thought we could make this work, but I think I was wrong."

"no"

"Jamie I can't do this. you said it yourself we aren't built for long distance."

"no.. no no no." he begs as he closes to distance between you both trying desperately to grasp onto anything you will give him.

"I think I'm gonna leave. Merry Christmas J. Good luck in Pittsburgh." With your final goodbye you step around Jamie even though he's trying to grab you, not to hurt you, but to try to hold on to you, to get you to change your mind. Slipping on your shoes and grabbing your bag in the foyer you leave his apartment for the last time ever.

[doc-pickles]

sent to save me | sidney crosby (ch. 2)

series masterlist

summary: sid grapples with his emotions and talks with annie before visiting the malkin’s newest addition

warnings: none! :)

author’s note: Hey y’all! I’m so happy you’re enjoying this series already. I’m super excited to write it out and give it some body. Hope you like this chapter!

xoxo

nina

The first time Sidney Crosby met Annie Wright she spilled coffee all over him.

“Shit I’m so sorry I wasn’t watching and my phone rang and-,” Annie had paused and looked up at Sidney with wide eyes. “And now the tabloids are going to rake me through the mud for trying to take out Pittsburgh’s Golden Boy.”

Sid chuckled and looked down at his shirt with a grin, “S’okay. It was an accident. Unless you purposely spill coffee on strangers.”

The wide grin that Annie gave Sidney is one he still pictures to this day. Her hair was in a high ponytail, her face freckled from the summer sun. He compares that image with the version of Annie standing in front of him now. She looks sad, worn down even. This is not his Annie.

They’re both standing speechless across from each other and for a moment it feels like no time has passed. But then Sid blinks and his world comes crashing back down around him.

“Is Vivie mine?” Sid’s not sure where his words come from. It feels like he’s not even the one saying them, like he’s watching the scene unfold before him from outside of his body. “I need you to tell me, I need to hear it from your lips. Is she mine?”

Annie’s eyes search his face for a moment before she nods and answers in a quiet voice, “Yes she’s your daughter Sidney.”

His hands run over his face, through his hair, covers his eyes. Sid sucks in a deep breath and immediately feels his sandwich from earlier coming back up. He quickly turns around and pukes into the bush there, chest heaving as he braces his hands on his knees.

He has a daughter.

A daughter who’s first seven years of life he’s missed.

A daughter with the only woman he’s ever loved.

When he’s sure that he’s not going to throw up again Sid stands up, takes a deep breath, and turns to Annie. Her teeth are digging into her lip, a nervous habit she’s always had, and even though he has a million conflicted emotions about her Sid finds all he wants to do right now is smooth out the skin of Annie’s lips like he used to.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” Annie breathes and runs a hand through her blonde locks. “Which isn’t fair to you I know but I wasn’t exactly expecting to run into you when I woke up today. Damn it, I’m sorry I know you’re expecting answers but I can’t… I can’t think straight. I’m sorry.”

Sid sighs and nods, “I get it. I’m, uh, pretty speechless too.” He runs a hand through his salt and pepper hair, clocking Annie’s eyes following his hand. “I have Niki for a few days but maybe… Maybe we could meet up and talk?”

Annie only hesitates for a moment before nodding, her shoulders loosening just a little bit, “That… Yeah that would be good.”

They stand there awkwardly for a few moments as if they’d never been madly in love and on the verge of spending their lives together. Finally Sidney is the one to break the silence as his fingers twitch at his sides.

“Vivie is all Nikita talks about,” Sid smirks at the small laugh that Annie lets out. “Seriously, he spent 20 minutes this morning telling me about why blue and purple are her favorite colors.”

Annie rolls her eyes playfully before smirking, “Yeah that sounds right. Annie and him have been inseparable since they met in kindergarten. Hold on, I have this one picture…”

As Annie pulls her phone out Sidney drinks in her casual appearance, a pair of frayed jeans with a white tee tucked into it. She’s just as gorgeous as she’s always been and it makes Sid’s chest constrict tightly despite the anger and sadness still lingering there.

“Here! They wanted matching costumes so they decided to be Woody and Jessie,” Annie holds her phone and shows Sid a photo of Nikita and Vivie, arms wrapped around each other. It’s clearly from a few years ago, both of them sporting chubby cheeks and bright eyes. Sid takes in the way Vivie’s eyes look so much like his, the way her chin is a perfect replica of his.

There’s emotion overflowing in his chest and Sid finds he has to look away so he doesn’t start crying in front of a fucking elementary school right after throwing up there. He clears his throat and looks away from Annie’s phone, “She’s beautiful, An. Is, uh, is Vivie short for something?”

“Her full name is Vivienne,” Annie whispers as she watches her phone intently. “Um… Vivienne Taylor.”

Sidney felt his heart clench at Annie’s words, knowing she’d thought of him when naming their daughter. He let out a slow breath, willing back his tears once more before nodding, “That’s… Thank you.”

Annie and Sid exchange numbers before parting ways and as soon as he’s behind the wheel of his SUV Sidney lets out a ragged breath followed by a low sob.

+

“Mama! Papa!”

Sid’s been on auto pilot since his run in with Annie this morning, but Nikita’s yell breaks him out of his haze momentarily. He follows the boy into the hospital room, watching as Geno lifts his son into his arms and kisses his hair.

That should be you with your daughter.

Shaking the thought off Sid sets the flowers he’d brought on the bedside table before coming over to hug Anya, kissing her forehead.

“You look great for just having pushed a baby out,” Sid teases lightly, but his grin doesn’t reach his eyes.

“She big like her papa, nearly tore me in half,” Anya grins up at Sid before looking to the bundle in her arms. “You wanna hold?”

He agrees instinctively and carefully takes the baby from Anna. Her little face is scrunched up and Sid can already see wisps of dark hair peeking out from her cap. Gently running a finger down her chubby cheek Sid thinks about his own daughter and how he never got this moment with her. Hell he’d never even hugged the girl and she was already seven years old.

“Sid why you crying, it’s just baby,” Geno teases as he sidles up next to him. He looks him over before lowering his voice. “You okay?”

Sidney nods and stares at the baby for another moment before speaking, “I met Vivie today. And her mom.”

Geno grunts, his eyes trained on his daughter, “Mom never around when I am. Anya think she’s avoiding me, don’t know why though.”

“Vivie’s mom is Annie,” Sid pauses and then looks up at Geno, whose face has gone white. “My Annie.”

The two men stand in silence, Nikita chattering to his mom in the background. Sid and Geno keep their eyes locked on the baby in Sid’s arms as they come to terms with the bomb that had been dropped on them. Annie had left before Anya had moved to Pittsburgh, it was reasonable she wouldn’t know who she was. But Geno would have and Annie knew that.

“Sid is…,” Geno looks scared to utter the words as he meets Sid’s eyes. “Vivie?”

Sid simply nods, Geno exhaling and running a hand over his face. The baby fusses a bit and Sidney immediately starts to rock back and forth, bouncing on his heels and soothing her.

“You’re natural Sid,” Anya muses with a grin, missing the wince Geno lets out. “When you have your own babies?”

“Anya,” Geno says lowly and though he can’t understand it, Sid knows that whatever he says in Russian is enough for Anna to get that she shouldn’t ask more questions.

+

Later that night after he’s tucked Nikita into bed Sid checks his phone, a glass of scotch in one hand as he sinks into the couch. He has a few texts but there’s only one he clicks into.

Unknown: hey it’s annie. let me know when a good time for you to meet up is, i’m flexible.

And then, as if knowing his heart didn’t need to take anymore hits today, Annie sends a photo of Vivie fast asleep in her bed with a stuffed penguin tucked under her chin.

And Sidney finally lets his tears fall.

[jks1uv]

𝑙𝑜𝑚𝑙 ; tommy riordan | one-shot |

summary: you’re visited by the love and loss of your life after he walked away a decade ago.

pairing: tommy riordan x vsangel!reader.

trope: estranged childhood best friends to lovers.

genre: angst + fluff + hurt & comfort + romance.

warnings‼️: a 3 year age gap (reader is 22 & tommy is 25) + crude language + a kiss scene + a suggestive line towards reader as a model (some guy says she’s fine) + a minor detail describing a small part of the daily routine of a marine which may be inaccurate.

word count: 3,680.

random disclaimerrr: me when tom hardy: 😍😍 happy reading! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ♡ © 2024 @jks1uv

────♡♡♡────

you & tommy were the best of friends. inseparable at the tender ages of 5 & 8.

you two were neighbors and your family consists of 4; mom, dad, you, and your little sister.

tommy and brendan had a bigger age gap than you and your sister but whenever you girls would be out in the yard, tommy would feel the itch to go out and play in his little hands.

he knew y’all were younger than him but that didn’t discourage his curiosity.

“um, is… is it okay if i can play with you?” he asked hesitantly.

you and your little sister look towards the voice and find a boy older than the two of you standing by his front porch, looking bashful.

you nodded enthusiastically, so excited to make a new friend. “yes!” you exclaimed as you grab his hand and drag him along your front yard.

ever since then, the two of you were joined at the hip.

────♡♡♡────

tommy would come over to your house often due to the close nature of your friendship.

you may have been 12 at the time but you were wise, and that made it easier for him to confide in you.

“he’s drunk. again.” he shook his head and chuckled bitterly.

your eyes were soft and sorry. you wish he wouldn’t think pitying him was a bad thing.

you lace your hands with his and insist on watching a movie while snacking on his favorite things.

“you can spend the night. if you want?”

it was second nature to go above and beyond for him, but it was second nature for him to deny your kindness. you never understood why.

“nah, i gotta get back to my mom.” and you smiled at that.

one thing about tommy? he’s a great son to his mother.

they say it gets worse before it gets better and that was certainly the case for tommy. he and his mother had been pushed to their limits. they both packed their bags and never looked back at pittsburgh ever again.

you were devastated, heartbroken. you couldn’t believe your best friend just up and left without even saying goodbye.

you figured it was because of his father, paddy, but you never knew he’d be behind pushing your best friend away from you.

you harbored a secret anger towards him whenever tommy would spill his guts out but in this moment? you resented him.

paddy was the sole reason your other half, your soulmate was gone.

you never even got to tell tommy how you really felt about him.

tommy told you his secrets and you shared yours. you were never this close to a person, ever. your little sister is an exception but of course she’s gonna know you better than you know yourself. she’s your blood, but tommy isn’t. he’s someone who’s seen what the inside of your heart looks like and he hadn’t judged you one bit for it.

tommy is your first love, but he was also the loss of your life.

────♡♡♡────

10 years later, present-day:

“standby y/n.”

you're nervous as fuck and rightfully so. in addition to this being the first time you open a victoria’s secret fashion show, you're wearing your first fantasy bra to do it.

that’s a lot more firsts a girl can hope for!

you’re just a couple of minutes away from so many things happening tonight. tripping and twisting your ankle, falling on your face and the internet never letting you live it down, or worse: never getting another chance to model for victoria's secret ever again.

well, there goes your career! over before it even started all because of some heels or the floor or the lights or some other, valid yet non-excusable reason.

you take a deep breath in and exhale through your lips forming an ‘o’ shape. you close your eyes and join your hands together to pray silently with the few seconds you have left.

please, please, please don’t let me fuck this up. please.

you hear ariana grande belt out the few lines before the chrous of ‘dangerous woman’ out front. you make a mental note to ask for a photo and autograph when you see her later.

“go, y/n!” showtime.

it’s muscle memory for your hands to place themselves on your hips as you make your way down the large, well-lit, glittery floor.

perfect timing to make your appearance as the chorus of the song plays on.

cheers and screams erupt from the seats as you stand tall and concentrate on moving your ankles in front of the other.

you’re at the middle of the runway when you tug on a strap and large, black, feathery wings make their appearance. more encore from the venue & you can’t help but feel like that bitch.

when you make it to the end of the runway, you turn your chin down a bit and let your eyes do the talking. they’re outlined with black eyeliner and highlighted with silver and black eyeshadow, blended so nicely together.

the theme for your fantasy bra is “black swan” and it’s perfect for you as that’s the energy you’re known to give off. dark feminine, mysterious and unpredictable.

you pause for a few seconds to pose and let your side profile hang in the camera angle for a bit before you turn to the side. you make a full 360. you eye the camera on the side, offering one last glimpse before you’re on your way backstage.

you let the crowd fuel you as you depart and hope you looked your very best.

you know only angels get to wear wings and you know it’s a privilege to get to do both; be an angel and wear wings.

you were signed as a victoria’s secret model at 18 and worked very hard for 3 years to earn your title as an ‘angel’. at 21, you were gifted an opportunity so many girls only dream of.

the rest of the girls backstage practically flood the room with excited shrieks, warm hugs and elated faces.

you were the youngest of the batch and had so much yet to learn but they all treated you as their baby.

“you killed it out there!”

“so beyond proud of you, babe.”

“there she is! the highlight of tonight.”

“our black swan did so beautiful!” and there were so many more words of encouragement that made you spill so many tears but you did it! the hard part was over.

now you can change into other lingerie and wings and just be content with the fact that you did it. you. did. it.

────♡♡♡────

after the show was successfully complete (and ariana grande came asking for a photo), a celebration in the form of drinks were obviously in order.

you’re out with ur sister and you deem it’s baddie baddie shot o’clock.

“girl, save some for your birthday.” your sister laughed.

you just sent her a toothy grin and shrugged. “we’ll just drink some more when it gets here.”

your 23rd birthday is still some time away but you weren’t thinking about that tonight.

“HOLY SHIT, IS THAT TOMMY?!”

yup. that’s what you were thinking about. the boy who left pittsburgh and took a piece of your heart with him.

your neck snaps up at the name and you see him for the first time in forever.

he’s here. in the flesh, and not on television breaking some guy's jaw. he's about 10 ppl away from you.

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

time stops and all of a sudden, you’re a little kid again forming a memorable friendship with the neighbors youngest son.

he’s wearing a white tank top under a baggy, black zip-up jacket with a pair of black sweatpants.

his baby blues are darting from one person to the next, an unnoticeable smile on his face as people come up to him and say nice things with proud smiles on their faces.

you think he looks good. a bit uncomfortable and edgy, but he looks like he’s been taking good care of himself.

you begrudgingly look away from him and blink rapidly to keep your tears from falling.

your sister puts a comforting hand on your shoulder, begging you to go up to him and rekindle what may be lost but you silently plead with her to just let you have this.

you don’t have it in you to go up to him and make small talk, act like the last 10 years didn’t happen.

at least not tonight.

she indulges you and the two of you quietly leave the bar. unaware of the stunned pair of eyes that want so desperately for you to turn around to see what’s slipping away.

───���♡♡♡────

you wake up with a headache but it's not from a hangover. it's from crying yourself to sleep.

you couldn't believe yourself. how did you miss the one chance you've been so desperately praying for? how did you walk out and away from him?

like he did you.

you sigh and drink some water from your nightstand before getting ready.

you shower and eat and think about going to just drive around town as you haven't been back in 3 years.

should you also go see him? maybe he's still here?

or maybe he left. again.

you shake your head away from those thoughts, no matter how possible they may be. you're gonna go out there and find him and... well, you'll figure out the rest of the plan when you see him.

the sound of the doorbell ringing catches your attention. your sister left for work and said she won't be back until 6.

you grab your keys and purse and make your way to the door, hoping it's a girl scout with cookies or something.

but of course, surprise, surprise. the universe says “nuh uh!” and behold! it's the very thing you ran away from. this time, just a couple of steps away from touching you.

“tommy?” you breathe out in disbelief.

he blinks slowly and your stomach feels funny. like all the adrenaline in you is swarming in your intestines, daring you to move your body. without thinking, you accept the challenge.

you jump out at him and crush him in the biggest hug you've ever given and the vigor of it knocks his balance off a bit. you hear him grunt in surprise and your arms are wrapped around his neck in a vice grip. like if you loosen them even a little, he'll disappear again.

hot tears brim along your eyes. you close them tightly and let them slide down your cheeks anyway, feeling them trail a path down your face.

his hands slowly rise towards your figure and he's unsure where to put them. he's never hugged or been hugged like this. even when he made up with brendan, it was different. but why is this different? it it because it's you and not his no-longer-estranged older brother?

he hugs you back. one hand is across your hip and the other is your shoulder blade in his palm. he slides his face into the crevice of your neck and noses your collarbone in a silent apology. you sniffle as you accept it.

“i'm sorry.” he croaks out.

you shake your head, to tell him he doesn't have to be but he insists.

“i shoulda came to see you but-” he cuts himself off.

he sighs and moves his face back, prompting you to do the same.

you look at him with watery eyes and his eyes dart around your face. like he's memorizing it. his eyebrows come together and form lines on his forehead. you know he does that when he's thinking really hard about something.

“the truth is,”

you let go of his neck and his cradles your face in his hands.

“i knew i wouldn't be able to leave if i saw you.” and when he drops that bomb on you, you can't help but stitch your wobbly lips together in a smile.

it doesn't reach your eyes though, and that's how he knows you missed him just as much as he missed you.

“but i woulda understood why.”

and he knows that, of course he knows. he also knows that the second he would've seen those tears in your eyes, he would've broken his resolve. and how could he not? you break his heart when you cry.

he wipes your tears with his thumbs.

“i know.” he murmurs.

he pulls you into him once more with a hand on your neck and you cry softly, unbeknownst to you that he's forcing himself to brave through his teary eyes.

────♡♡♡────

“oh my god, you're so old.” you giggle.

“and you're so young.” he bites with no heat.

you invited tommy in and changed, finding your mission successful. the current conversation is about how different life has been for the both of you.

“so i guess we're both kinda like celebrities, huh. you tap your nails against the sofa arm.

“more you than me.” his lips split open in a toothy grin.

you smile back and think how great this all is. there's no sign of forced conversation, he's as relaxed as he can be and you are happy.

tommy stares at you and finds himself seeing all the things he's missed. he finds all the years he's missed in your face, all the places you've been in your eyes and all the joy you've experienced in your lips.

the truth is, he saw you on tv every time you were in a show. even back when you just modeled for any show before you were officially signed on as an angel.

his unit members would tease him but he didn't care. you were on national television and to him? you were amazing.

if anyone said anything about any woman in a suggestive tone, he'd say something anyway but he never played about you.

“damn, she's fine.”

if looks can kill, you wouldn't wanna be that guy. because tommy could kill with his bare hands just as well.

alas, that was the only warning that poor chap got before it was lights out. all because he couldn't keep his thoughts in his head. he just had to air it out to everyone.

tommy slept good that night, too.

“whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?” you pull him away from his memories.

he deeply exhales and looks away from you, fiddling with his chain around his neck.

“i watched all your shows.” he murmurs.

you still heard it though and you show it by the way your face is beaming.

“really?”

you’re elated because you were on his mind just as much as he was on yours.

he nods, still refusing eye contact. but it’s okay.

you scoot a bit closer to him and your knees are folded under you, touching his thigh. he stops fiddling with his chain and eyes your hands on your knees. slowly but surely, his eyes lock onto yours and he sees how happy you are.

“i didn’t know they allowed people to watch tv over there.” you can’t help your grin.

your head tilts to the side a little as he explains how everyone shares one tv and there’s a daily time limit to how much tv they can watch.

“wait, so, you even watched the shows i did before i was exclusive to victoria’s secret?”

“every single one.”

that made your heart swoon. your crush on him never left but this amplified it.

you had guys try to hit on you and say a line or two to get your number (or something else) but they weren’t tommy.

he haunted your life.

“why didn’t you ever call?”

you didn’t want to ruin the mood but this has been sitting on your mind the second you let him in. you don’t know if he feels it, too.

“why’d you leave the bar?”

you quirk up an eyebrow at his quick yet witty retort.

touché.

this has been weighing on him for quite some time, too.

“i didn’t know how to face you… i guess i was overwhelmed.” you answer, ashamed.

he nods like he was satisfied in your answer.

“same.”

you look at him, unsatisfied with his lack of explanation.

“i never called because i thought you might’ve hated me.” he admits.

you’re offended and you don’t hide it.

did he really think his friendship meant that little to you? so little, that you wouldn’t understand?

he sees the look on your face and shakes head, as if he was answering your questions.

“no, wait, it’s not like that-”

“i could never hate you.”

there’s a softness in your voice as you say the words he’s been longing for. it soothes the wave of self-loathing washing over the shore of his heart.

all he’s wanted to hear, to know; is that you don’t hate him.

your knees slide out from under you and you cross your legs together, facing him.

“i honestly thought you forgot about me-”

“never.” he says so instantly, like that idea is so absurd and bizarre.

to him? it is.

“i could never, ever forget about you.”

now it was his turn to be offended.

how could you assume he’d ever forget about you? the same you that never let him down? the same you that always had a place for him in your mind and heart? that you?

you sigh softly and look down at your hands. you’re unsure where to go now.

“okay.” you nod.

“okay.” he asserted.

you huff out a laugh from your scrunched up nose and your smile threatens your unbothered demeanor.

tommy smiles back, a tight-lipped one but a smile nonetheless.

he gazes into your eyes and they drift to your lips on their own accord. like a magnet, they’re drawn to your mouth and your eyes are drawn to his.

he hesitantly leans in a bit, giving you time and space to back off if you’d like but you’re frozen.

you gulp and meet his eyes and he whispers, “i’ve liked you for the longest time.”.

that makes your heart leap out of your chest. all these years you’ve been crushing on this big, tough guy, not knowing he’s liked you back?

“since when?” you’re so starstruck.

he smiles bashfully, a faint red blush painting his cheeks. as uncharacteristic as this looks, you weren’t about to let this phenomenon go to waste by looking away.

“since that day i asked if i could play.”

your eyes widen and your jaw goes slack.

this endearing motherfucker.

“i… i’ve been crushin’ on you, too.” you admit.

you can’t look at him. you don’t know why you feel this way. maybe it’s because you’ve never been this vulnerable with a man before.

“don’t go all shy on me now.” he teases.

he moves his head to catch your gaze.

you smack your teeth and halfheartedly hit his shoulder with your knuckles.

he brings his head towards you once more and aligns his forehead with yours. you close your eyes at the contact and he asks, “can i kiss you?”.

you nod faintly, your hands coming up to rest on his shoulders.

his palms rest on the curve of your waist and he kisses you like he’s making up for all lost time.

he’s gentle, letting you set the pace, letting you take control.

but there’s something else you need to know.

your head tilts back a bit and he chases you, dazed and not a single thought behind his eyes other than kissing you forever if you’d let him.

“easy, tiger.” an airy chuckle leaves your lips and you set a hand on his chest.

he lazily smiles and places his hand over yours. he kisses your forehead and cheeks. tommy sounds out an exaggerated ‘mwah!’ as he gives your lips one last kiss.

it makes you smile, tommy being so affectionate. a stark contrast to his demeanor in the public but you think he’s one of those “tough guy with a soft heart” kind of guy.

“i want you to stay.”

he pauses his actions and slowly backs up to meet your eyes.

“you stayin’ here?” he asks curiously.

“for the time being.” you interlock your fingers with his.

he nods and says, “what you really mean to say is; you want me to come with you.”

you purse your lips sheepishly. tommy thinks about it for a moment.

“new york city?”

“mhm.”

you’re nervous. was that an impulsive move? or is that question a result of your fear; him leaving just as fast as he showed up?

he deeply inhales and blows a raspberry, simulating a worried persona.

“okay.” he decides a beat later.

you blink and shake your head, getting whiplash from his behavior.

“wait, what?!”

“i was gonna come visit you anyway but this sounds better.” he nods like he’s made up his mind.

tommy says things like this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and to him, they are.

but for you, this is a commitment. a promise. something you can’t turn back from and you convey that to him.

“tommy,” you begin. “this is a very big and important adjustment. we’re moving in, together.”

“what else would i be doin’? where else would i be?”

“for starters, your family is here. i know you’ve made up with brenadan so i figured…” you trail off and hope tommy can fill in the rest.

a lopsided smirk is drawn to his handsome, smug face and he holds your hands.

“that’s sweet and you’re right. but he chose when and where to make his family and i’m tellin’ you; there’s no place i’d rather be.”

he says is so intrinsically that your heart wills no choice but to believe him. there’s a silent promise in his words, one that he hopes you hear him make.

i’m not leaving you again.

“…okay.” you muse.

“okay.” he settles with a quick kiss to your lips.

[vanx-97]

Saxophone beat I threw together in 5 minutes 🎶💯🎧🔥

[reasonsmandy]

Smarty Pants

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader

✧.* requested by @holymotherfxrkingshirtballs — Eddie Roundtree fix based off of Jackie and Hyde from that 70a show?? Basically Eddie hates her cause he thinks she's shallow and a bit spoiled sometimes but she ADORES Eddie. I'm just asking for that one scene where Jackie tries to make Hyde jealous by bringing this guy and Hyde is like "it's... cool" but deep down he's jealous and he's like "pull yourself together man" to himself. And the guy she brings is calling her a bitch and stuff and Hyde is like "oh no" and punches him. Then he's like just in denial about liking her then everyone tells him he likes her and he just comes to his senses.

✧.* summary — Eddie had a back foot when it came to you, some disagreements between you made him think that you were spoiled and that you thought too much of yourself. However, that wasn't going to stop him from defending your name.

✧.* warnings — Eddie being kinda mean.

✧.* word count — 2.3k

✧.* 🎸 — Eddie's masterlist

✧.* mandy's notes — I had never watched the series before and I had so much fun watching the episode, writing this was very satisfying. Hope you like it as much as I do 🫶🏾

"Eddie man you're not making any sense, right now." Warren says, sipping some of his beer. "She's great, everybody likes her…."

"Yeah man, Warren is right." Graham continues, receiving from Roundtree just an eye roll. "Tell me, what's the reason you don't like her? The real reason."

"She's just annoying, you think she's cool because you're not the ones who have to listen to her guesses on your stuff!" Eddie settles back in his chair, taking a long drag on his cigarette.

"Can't get you bro, sorry to tell you that." Warren shrugs as he takes out a cigarette to smoke. "Not to mention she likes you man, she enjoys your company."

"I just answered your question!" He shrugs. "It's not that I don't like her at all, I just think she sticks her nose in a lot."

"That looks like passion, huh." Graham says with a smirk on his face, Roundtree grabs the nearest pillow and throws it at the younger Dunne.

Graham's words left Roundtree thoughtful, after all this would never have been a possibility for him, you were always so irritating, so intrusive in his point of view that to suggest that he's in love with you was almost absurd. You would never have done anything to anger Roundtree for harm, but your way of helping was considered invasive in his view, apparently.

You adored him, you always had a lot of admiration for him since you were a small band in Pittsburgh and knowing the incredible potential he had you always encouraged him and gave him advice to improve and be better. It wasn't a secret to anyone, after all you never wanted to hide it, that you admired him a lot, and your friends already knew that you liked him in a way more than just admiration.

However, in the last few days you've noticed that he avoids you, that your presence and your comments make him roll his eyes and "snort" with irritation, you don't understand why and what you could have done to trigger this type of reaction. You then decided to have a frank conversation with him, trying to understand what could have happened, but for a change you always missed each other at the house, or rather... He always avoided you at the house.

Hate was not the word that would define Eddie's feelings for you, perhaps the ideal would be bother. There was something about you that moved him, that made him think, question, and consequently bothered. He knew you were very talented, from the day you got in band he knew you were a point to take off from, that you would always grow in there, but from the moment you started to give him too many tips and advice he got extremely bothered. His view began to change about you, he knew that any time you communicated with him it would be you giving a tip on his solos, or anything else related to the way he played.

As he was leaving his room one day, you caught him in the hallway. "Hey Eddie, can we talk for a bit?" you asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "What smarty pants, you want to tell me how to play my guitar again?"

You dropped your gaze, fidgeting with the rings on your hand. "No, I just wanted to know if you're coming to Cami's party tonight."

"Why do you care?" Eddie asked, crossing his arms.

"Well, Warren will be late and Graham and Karen already left," you explained. "I thought maybe we could go together."

Eddie chuckled wryly. "You and me? Yeah, that's a great idea," he said sarcastically. "Sorry, I'll pass. See you later."

He leaves towards his room leaving you with a tightness in your chest as you watch him leave, the frustration is suddenly replaced by an impulse of anger. You got to the phone and dial the number of the man from the record company who has been hitting on you lately. He answers on the second ring.

"Hi, is this Jay's number?" You say after you hear a noise on the line.

"Hey, Y/N! What's up?" he says.

"Hey, I was wondering if you're free tonight," you say, twirling a lock of hair around your finger.

"Of course, for you, always," he says, his voice dripping with charm.

"I'm going to Cami's party, and I don't want to go alone. Do you want to come with me?" you ask, your heart beating faster as you wait for his answer.

"Absolutely. I've been wanting to spend more time with you," he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

"Great, I'll pick you up at 9?" you say, already starting to plan your outfit.

"Sounds perfect. I'll be ready," he says.

You hang up the phone, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. You've never really considered him in that way, but he's always been sweet and attentive to you. Maybe tonight is the night to give him a chance. That was what you tried to convince yourself of, but deep down you knew that your desire was to make Roundtree jealous, to play games and see if he really didn't care about you.

…

Later that night, you arrive at the party with him by your side. The house is beautifully decorated with fairy lights and balloons, and the music is already thumping.

You spot Cami and a group of friends by the drinks table and head over to say hi. As you chat with them, you can't help but feel a bit disappointed that Eddie isn't here yet, but you try to push those thoughts away. Deep down you expected him to show up at your bedroom door, telling you that he changed his mind and that he would love to go with you to the party, but obviously that didn't happen, and there you were feeling ridiculous to think he could consider you even once.

"Honey, are you alright?" Karen whispers in your ear, noticing you distant.

"Yes, of course." You lie, forcing a smile. Karen raises her eyebrows noting how sincere you weren't being "I just need to get some air." You say walking away, letting your companion know you wanted some air.

Eddie caught sight of you and Jay a few moments before you left. He hadn't taken his eyes off you since he arrived, intrigued by your company, he sees you walking away for a smoke- he guessed, and his eyes narrowed for a moment before he composed himself. He walked over to you with a nonchalant expression, but you could see the tension in his shoulders.

"Hey, Smarty Pants. Looks like you found yourself a date," he said, gesturing to Jay.

You feel a pang of annoyance at his comment. "I couldn't come alone," you reply coolly.

"Well, I'm glad you found someone," he says, offering you a cigarette. You accept, and he lights it for you before turning to go back to the rest of the band.

As he walks away, you can't help but feel a twinge of regret. Maybe you shouldn't have come to the party with Jay after all. But you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts.

"Look if it's not my favorite bassist." Rojas says approaching you, he was clearly stoned. "Why are you here looking like a stray dog? Let's have fun! Come with me."

You laugh at his state, and follow him to the "dance floor", Warren distracted you for so long that you didn't notice that Eddie approached Jay a few minutes ago.

"Look who it is," Eddie said as he approached Jay and sat down beside him. "My replacement for the night."

"What man?" Jay asks without understanding Roundtree's speech.

"Nevermind." Eddie says crossing his arms. "So you and Y/N, uh? What's the deal man, I mean…"

Jay shrugged. "She's hot, man. I've had a thing for her since the first day she appeared at the label. Okay, her conversations are very boring and I almost fall asleep when she opens her mouth but."

Eddie laughs at the comment, interrupting him. "Ah, it's not like that either, sometimes she's a little too much but with time you get used to it."

"But I won't have to learn to deal with her either." He shrugs and Eddie frowns. "I just want to get into her pants anyway. I've been crazy to fuck her ever since we first met."

"Are you fucking serious?" Eddie's voice was low, full of hate.

Jay just shrugs. "She's hot, and you must know that when a man has his needs he does it his way. What's the big deal?"

Eddie's face contorted with anger. "The big deal is that she's not just some piece of meat, you fucking asshole. She's a person with feelings, and you're treating her like she's nothing."

Jay rolls his eyes. "Relax, man. I was just joking around."

"It's not a joke," Eddie snaps. "And I don't want to hear you talk about her like that ever again."

Jay smirks again. "Or what?"

As you dance with Warren, you notice Eddie and Jay sitting in the backyard together. You can't hear what they're saying, but their body language is tense. Suddenly, Eddie stands up, looking furious, and says something to Jay that makes him laugh.

"What's going on over there?" Rojas asks, nodding in their direction.

"I don't know," you reply, feeling a sense of unease. "I'll go see what it is."

"Hey hey niña, it seems to be getting ugly." Rojas stands in front of you, preventing you from going. "Stay here."

Eddie's eyes flash with rage, and he lunges forward, punching Jay in the face. Jay falls back onto the grass, and the two of them start fighting, rolling around on the ground and throwing punches.

"Warren!" You exclaim running towards the two, little by little the whole party saw the scene and were watching from afar.

Billy separates the fight and Eddie gets up, dusting himself off. He turns to Jay, who's still lying on the ground with a bruised face.

"I hope you got the message, asshole," Eddie says, his voice cold and dangerous.

Jay scrambles to his feet, holding his nose which is bleeding now, and runs away from the party, while the other guests disperse, muttering to themselves. Eddie walks away, heading into the house to clear his head and calm down. He still didn't understand the reason for his sudden outburst, but he wasn't going to let anyone talk about you that way!

You go towards him, finding him in Billy and Camila's room, you decide to go to the kitchen first to get some ice for his hand. When you return, you knock three times on the door calling the blonde's attention. He smiles weakly at you, and soon you walk in and sit next to him.

You rush over to Eddie, who's holding his injured hand. "Are you okay?" you ask, concern etched on your face.

"I'll live," he replies, wincing as you gently examine his hand.

"What the fuck happened out there?" You asked, putting the ice on his hand. "You shouldn't have done that," you say softly, shaking your head.

"He deserved it," Eddie says, his eyes burning with anger. "I won't let anyone talk about you like that."

You look up at him, surprised by his words. "What do you mean?" you ask, curious.

"I mean, he was objectifying you like you were just some kind of toy," Eddie says, his voice softer now. "You're more than that, Y/N. You deserve better and that prick was overcoming all the boundaries."

"Let me see that hand," you say, taking his hand gently and examining the wound. You drag him to the bathroom, clean it up as best as you can with a tissue, and he winces at the sting of the alcohol.

Eddie doesn't take his eyes off you for a second, and you feel his gaze on you. "You're confusing you know?"

"What?" He says, being taken aback by you.

"I genuinely thought you hated me." You laugh, looking him in the eyes. "But now I don't know what to think anymore."

"I don't know how to explain what I feel for you smarty pants." Eddie whispers, getting closer to you. "I just know I wasn't going to let that bastard talk about you like that and pass it off."

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that..." You say turning your focus back to his wound. "How are you going to play now huh grumpy?"

"I have no idea." He says laughing. "I think this would be a good opportunity to take a day off."

You nod, thinking that would be the end of it, but he opens his mouth to speak and gives up multiple times.

"Just say it already." You chuckle.

"I was just thinking that maybe I could, like, I don't know..." He looks nervous, and you stop touching his hand to give him your full attention. He takes a deep breath. "That maybe, you know... Do you want to spend this day with me?"

You are taken aback, a smile spreads across your face. "Wow, let me get this straight. Is Eddie Demetrius Roundtree asking me out?"

He laughs sheepishly, running his free hand through his hair. "Yes, I'm asking you out Y/N L/N"

"Friday at 3pm." You say finishing the bandage. "I'll wait for you in my room."

You walk out of there leaving him with a silly smile on his face. Hitting someone had never been so worth it. And he looked forward to seeing what this new thing would lead to.

"A date on Friday, huh?" Warren's voice catches him by surprise. "I thought she was annoying."

"Were you spying on us?" Eddie says with raised eyebrows.

"Spying is a strong word, I just passed by and ended up listening to you guys" Rojas winks, and Eddie rolls his eyes.

Warren Rojas: I was definitely spying on them.

...

Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... If you wanted to ask for something my requests are open, and if you want to ask and don't have any ideas check out my prompt list :) xoxo

Want to be tagged when new stories come out? REASONSMANDY'S TAG LIST

[beybaldes]

some word today from my boyfriend so far away

Eddie Roundtree × Fem!Reader

djats masterlist

word count: 2.8k

Request! : Hi !!! Will you plz write one about Eddie growing up w reader and crushing on each other for years as kids and teens and when Eddie and the band go to LA and reader is still finishing HS senior year as 1 year younger than Eddie and they confess feelings and start dating before he leaves and when she finds out Billy's cheating on Camila, she fears Eddie will do the same. She comes visit the band in LA for a week and is cold towards Eddie and he reassures her his love for her and she's her one and only !!

thank you for the request @eddieroundtreestan2224 I hope you enjoy <3

Warning!! I have not read the book or the show!!! All info I have gathered has been from other x readers I have read. sorry in advance if I have butchered vour fav show/book because I have plainly made shit up in favour of satiating my own need for more Eddie fics xoxo

Eddie loved you more then anything; you were his reason to get up in the morning, his reason to try so hard for the bands success, the reason he got out of bed even when all he wanted to do was sleep. Nothing had ever hurt him more then when he had to leave you behind in Pittsburgh.

He knew it would only be for a year, and that the second you graduated you were going to come out to LA to join them, but it felt like it was going to be an eternity. The day he got into the car and left you crying on your door step broke his heart, but he knew he was doing it for a good reason - that if things went to plan, he was setting up a good and stable future for the two of you.

You'd promised you'd come and visit over each of your breaks and you had - he didn't know when each was, but was always happily surprised to find you on his doorstep with your luggage and a smile on your face. Within seconds you'd retreat into his bedroom in the house and spend the rest of the day curled in each others arms, catching up on everything as though you didn't spend every free moment on the phone together racking up your parents phone bill. Eddie promised he'd pay them back when he got 'rich and famous' so you didn't worry it too much.

Camilla was the only one to know about your upcoming trip to LA, considering she spent most of the time in the house it made it perfect as she'd know who was going to be in the house at any given moment, and could help sneak you in this time before Eddie caught wind of your arrival. So when she called you that night, you weren't surprised to see her number on the screen, however, when you picked it up and found her sobbing down the line, you were shocked to silence.

"Billy- he's-" Camilla couldn't even get the words out between her tears, half a sob quickly turning into a grunt of anger as she took in what she'd saw earlier in the day. "Cheated- I- Baby-"

"Cami?" You whimpered into the phone, hurting because your friend was hurting. Camilla was like your sister, knowing her all your life had given you that closeness, and even though you'd technically known Billy longer, it was an easy choice as to who's side you'd take. "It's okay, baby, breathe."

After a moment of silence, Camilla cleared her throat, sniffling the tears away as she spoke. "He cheated on me. Eddie, Graham - they've all been covering for him."

As if your heart wasn't already aching, now it was breaking. Eddie, your Eddie, would do that? If he'd cover up for Billy - the biggest dick known to man kind - then god knows what he would be doing when you weren't around. Camilla lived with them for gods sake and you? Well, you were halfway across the country and still in high school.

Suddenly it was hard to swallow and your throat was completely dry. "I'm catching the next flight out, I'll be there tomorrow." You hung up the phone before she could ask what you'd do about school but that could wait. It was only a week until spring break anyway and Camilla needed you, your savings would rebuild but her heart might not.

When the phone started ringing again as your were packing your bag, you ignored it - even though you knew it was Eddie and you knew he would worry. After the events that had transpired today you didn't feel like talking to him, not until you could contain your whirring thoughts about whether this meant he would cheat on you.

If Billy couldn't get away with it while living with his pregnant wife, then Eddie would pass with flying colours. Only time would tell.

Eventually the phone stopped ringing, but you didn't care to notice, instead running down stairs with your packed bag and running out the front door, down the block, and to Misses Dunne's house. God knows your parents wouldn't let you skip school for LA, but miss dunne had always taken you to the airport for your trips, and given the current situation, you were sure she'd help cover for you.

You were already at the airport before Eddie gave up on ringing your phone, a lit joint between his lips as he sulked with his arms crossed over his chest in the living room of the LA house.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Graham asked, walking into the room with a beer in hand, taking a seat next to Karen on the couch.

"Y/n never picked up the phone." Graham winced at Karen's answer, turning to Eddie with a frown on his face.

"Sorry, dude. She probably just forgot, went to sleep or something."

Eddie scoffed, the frown on his face getting deeper at the suggestion you wouldn't wait up for him, his brow creasing tightly. "No. Y/n wouldn't do that. She never forgets."

"Well, don't let it keep you up, dude." Graham patted him on the shoulder, trying to reassure his friend. "She'll call back in the morning, besides, she'll be here next week anyway."

"Yeah, you're right." Eddie didn't feel like Graham was right however, you always picked up the phone - and the only times you didn't you warned him in advance that you weren't going to be available. His mind was moving at a million miles an hour, thinking of every single thing he'd ever done that could've made you not pick up the phone tonight, but his mind was drawing a blank.

In fact, he stayed there, deep in thought, for so long that he passed out on the couch, waking the next morning when Karen came running through the house to answer a knock on the door. Eddie's head fell back into the arm of the couch, closing his eyes tightly and deciding he could steal a few more hours of sleep now that Karen was tending to the door. That wish was quickly ended, however, as Karen let out a scream, people coming running from all directions of the house.

"What are you doing here?!" Karen was wrapped in a tight hug with a shorter figure that he recognised all too well, your suitcase was in the doorway and your eyes met his over her shoulder.

Eddie's entire demeanour lit up when his eyes met yours. That explained why you hadn't picked up the night before.

"Surprise!"

Eddie sprung up from the couch, jumping over the back of it and pulling you from Karen's arms and into his own. He wrapped you tightly in his hold, cradling your head to the crook of his neck as he took in your presence. You were here, you were really, really here and in his arms again and everything was good. "I thought you weren't coming till next week." Eddie said, pressing a kiss to your head as he pulled out of the hug slightly, getting a good look at your face.

He could swear that every time he saw you, you got more and more beautiful.

"I was gonna come next week." You answer, standing on your tiptoes to press a chaste kiss to his lips. "Camilla called, I got the first flight out."

"How did you get to the airport?" Graham asked, him and Warren stealing you from Eddie's hold and wrapping you in an awkwardly done group hug - the two boys having missed having you around everyday like they were used to, almost as much as Eddie.

"Your mom drove me." You answered, pulling back from the hug and finally pulling your suitcase into the house. "Where's Camilla?"

Eddie and Graham shared a look and suddenly everything Camilla said to you on the phone last night came to the front of your mind. They knew. They hid it. And if they hid it for Billy, who's to know what they were hiding from you?

"I'll take you to her." Karen grabbed your hand and led you out of the living room, the two of you ignoring the longing look Eddie sent your way as you left just as soon as you arrived. He'd just got you back and you were already going to see someone else? Given the current situation he got it, but he still just wanted to spend some time with his girl.

It was gone midnight when you finally left Camilla's room - you'd crawled into the corridor at the dead of night, feeling bad that you'd left Eddie alone all day, but then remembering what he'd done.

He was probably cheating on you too. The voice in your head hadn't stopped since you'd got Camilla's call last night, and you didn't think it was going to any time soon.

You had fully debated just sleeping in Camilla's bed all night with her and Karen, but you'd been away from Eddie for so long all you wanted was to curl into his arms and sleep for a long time. Although you knew he'd probably be asleep by now, you wanted one more night to be his girl, before you had to confront him and potentially find out what Camilla had. The thought alone made you sick to your stomach

"Why are you avoiding me, birdie?" As you carefully shut the door, not wanting to make a sound in case Eddie was already asleep, you were surprised to hear him, wide awake and kind of angry.

You turned around slowly, unbuttoning your jeans and stepping out of them, ready to get something more comfortable on and just go to bed. "I'm not."

Eddie stood from where he'd been sat on the bed, walking up to you. "You've been here all day and this is the first time we've spoken since you arrived." You ignored him, turning your back to him and missing the way his whole face faltered in favour of pulling your shirt and bra off, picking up one of Eddie's shirts off the floor and pulling it hastily over your head. "Did I do something?"

"Are you cheating on me?"

Eddie's heart stopped at the question. His brow creased and a frown took over his lips as he pouted at you, his eyes swarming with an ache you'd been feeling for the past 24 hours. "What?"

"Because Camilla told me that you and Graham were covering Billy's tracks for him." You pushed Eddies chest, pushing him away from you when he tried to reach out and touch you. He let you, keeping the distance you created as he stared longingly at the heartbroken girl before him; he almost didn't recognise you with such hurt swarming in your eyes, clouding you from him. Almost.

"You would've kept doing it too if she hadn't caught him and she never would've known." Another push, but this time Eddie wrapped his hand around your bicep, keeping you closer to his chest as you landed weaker and weaker pushes against him, tears welling in your eyes. "She lives in this damn house, and she didn't know her scum husband was cheating on her - and then it got me thinking. I don't live here, I don't see you everyday, I don't sleep in the same fucking bed as you every night and if you were willing to do it for Billy, I can't see why he wouldn't be willing to do it for you, too."

The pushing had stopped, Eddie holding you against him with one arm, his other hand caressing your cheek, his thumb wiping away at the tears that were beginning to spill over. "Birdie-"

"And then all I could think about was how easy it would be for you to cheat on me out here; you're halfway across the damn country Ed's. And I'm still in stupid fucking Pittsburgh. What could you want with a girl like me when you've clearly got half the country wanting to be with you?" Your words had turned to whispers, your head falling against Eddie's shoulder though his warm hand still cradled your cheek. As you sniffled into the material of his t-shirt he pressed a kiss to your temple, shushing your crying and holding you tight against him - as though he was protecting you from all the thoughts you'd let stir and simmer in your mind.

"I don't want anyone else." Eddie whispered, gently swaying the two of you back and forth in his hold, his hand running through your hair as the tears began to stop. "I just want you, birdie."

Eddie pulled away from you, holding your face between both of his hands and bringing your gaze to meet his own. "I know I shouldn't have covered for Billy, it was shit of me, but part of me truly thought it would hurt Camilla less if she just didn't know. I get how bad that sounds but I didn't know what to do I-"

"You should've told her Ed's." You whimpered, tears springing back to your eyes as you thought back to the phone call and conversation you and Camila had shared - dwelling on how quickly your stomach dropped and how easy it was to think the worst.

"I know." Eddie cooed, his thumb running gently across the flesh under your eye, his forehead pressed to yours in the dark room. "But I need you to know I would never, ever cheat on you, Birdie. I love you more then life itself; I need you like the air I breathe. I've spent every waking moment since moving to LA waiting for you to come back to me - I want nothing more then to spend every night with you in my arms and every day with you by my side."

"Eddie-"

"And one day, I'm gonna marry you, and we're never gonna have to spend a day apart again, okay?" Eddie pressed a feather light kiss to your lips, punctuating each of his words with another; to your lips, your cheek, the dimple of your smile, you temple, the crinkle of your eye, really anywhere his lips could reach. "I love you, birdie. I don't want anyone else but you, ever, you hear me?"

You were tempted to apologise. Say sorry through tears at the way your brain had jumped to the worst case scenario despite knowing what your Eddie was like, despite knowing he was nothing like Billy. But you didn't, thoughts too hung up on the words he'd just let slip past his lips. Biting your lip between your teeth, you held back a wide smile, rocking on the balls of your feet as you stared dotingly up at Eddie. "You wanna marry me?"

It came out as a bashful murmur, but Eddie still heard it, laughing at your quick change in demeanour. "How could I not? You're my whole world, birdie."

He said it as if it was so simple; as though there was no other possible answer or rhyme or reason. And for Eddie, there wasn't.

Snaking your arms up and over his shoulder, you scratched at the hair at the nape of his neck, using one hand to cup his head and pull it closer to you. Pressing a kiss to his lips, you quickly escalated it; tangling your fingers in his locks and pulling, slipping your tongue in his mouth as he gasped and pressing yourself firmly against him. Pulling back breathless, you murmured praise against the blondes lips. "I missed you, Ed's."

"I know you did, birdie." Eddie pulled you in for another messy kiss; a sudden clash of skin and teeth and tongue. "What you say we start making up for lost time?"

"I'd want nothing more." With that you let him push you back towards his bed, blindly trusting his direction as you let yourself get lost in the feel of him for the first time in months, reassured that your Eddie would never treat you how Billy had Camila - not in this lifetime, nor the next.

[coneyislandbabey]

masterlist -> coneyislandbabey

EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT ! I'll do my best to keep this up to date lol

EDDIE ROUNDTREE !

going to california. : you move to Los Angeles, and are surprised to run into an old childhood friend. [3.3k] well, my boyfriend's in a band.: nobody thinks the thing between you and Eddie can be as pure and real as you say it is. [1.3k] butterflies and zebras (and moonbeams and fairy tales).: You and Eddie have a daughter. The first weeks of her life growing up in the house with you both and the band. [3.1k] Beast of Burden series: the push and pull between you and Eddie Roundtree was never-ending. No matter how hard you tried to push him away, you always came back together. -> (i'll never be) your beast of burden.: part one. Pittsburgh, 1967. [2.6k] -> my back is broad, but it's a-hurtin'.: part two. Pittsburgh, 1969. [2.1k] -> you keep on tellin' me i ain't your kinda man. : part three. Baltimore, 1970. [2.8k] -> i don't need no beast of burden. : part four. On the road, 1971. [3.8k] -> (put me out, put me out) put me out of misery.: part five. Los Angeles, 1973. [1.7k] -> all your sickness, i can suck it up.: part six. Los Angeles, 1974. [1.5k]

GRAHAM DUNNE !

testing his patience. : Graham finds his voice defending you after Billy takes his anger out on you during a recording session. [2.2k] the boys are back in town.: The Six are back in Pittsburgh during the Numbers tour, and Graham runs into his high school crush. [6.8k] i only have eyes for you.: You bit Graham at preschool when you were three years old. The rest, they say, is history. [3.5k]

WARREN ROJAS !

crossed wires.: a night of complicated feelings and jealousy lead to a revelation between you and Warren. [1.5k] she's got a strange magic.: Warren is usually cool and confident, but there's something about you that makes him completely nervous. He's desperate to ask you out, and he's desperate to get it right. [1.3k] i'd have you anytime.: You don't expect something to bloom between you and the drummer of your brothers' band, and when it does, the two of you try (and fail) to keep it a secret. [5.1k] she's a rainbow.: Warren's got it bad for Camila's childhood best friend. [2k] still raining, still dreaming.: It's a rare day off, and you and Warren spend it being lazy together in bed. [1.3k] so hot you're hurting my feelings.: your seemingly innocuous wardrobe choice makes Warren lose his mind. [1.7k] time to play b-sides.: you and warren pick up the pieces after the band falls apart. [1.1k] Mariposaverse fics: (these are not listed or written in any particular chronological order and can be read in any way after the first one) i'm with you.: You and Warren are friends with benefits. And then you find out you're pregnant. [3k] my mariposa. : a little domestic snapshot of you and Warren as new parents. [1.3k] butterfly wings.: It's your and Warren's daughter, Mariposa's first halloween. [1.1k] light of the love that i found.: Yours and Warren's wedding. [2.3k] the pick-me-up.: Life has been wearing you and Warren down lately, but Mariposa saying her first word really brings up your spirits. [1.1k] don't cry my sweet, don't break my heart.: Warren being a good dad and having a little crisis about his little girl growing up. [1.5k] Camp Wawayanda Lake: summer camp au. prank war and men super short shorts. What else do you need? -> prologue; bug spray and bonfires and booze.: You arrive at camp and reunite with old friends. There’s a drunken bonfire, and Warren is suddenly, distractingly beautiful. [2k] -> one; a study in lake water and forest princesses.:  It’s the first day of camp and Billy does something stupid that sets Daisy on a summer-long path toward revenge. [3.6k]

KAREN SIRKO !

high by the beach. : The feelings that grow between you and Karen Sirko seem to be the easiest thing in the world. [2k] with a girl like you.: You first cross paths with Karen Sirko when your band is recording your first album. After the fact, you can't get her out of your head; turns out, Karen's been feeling the same way. [1.5k]

[thissugarcane]

justin taylor <3

I started writing this in a comment response to a very kind commenter on "swimming with sharks" on ao3, but then realized I was rambling rambling rambling away, so decided to put it here, instead. also it's one of two things I desperately want to fix about the season 5 rewrite which I want to do via "show not tell" (aka I don't want to explicitly say, or have anyone say via dialogue, "this is justin's journey to Discover Himself", but that's what I want to write).

So! The point that I think people sometimes miss (or maybe just don't focus on because usually, he is so self-aware compared to the others) about Justin: he is a teenager. and, like a teenager, he will try on different identities to see what sticks. he's strong and determined and kind and stubborn and god forbid someone tell him to do anything-- but he's also not a fully realized personality. (By the end of the show he is)

this comes out in the way that he mimics people he admires / fucks, throughout the show.

Like, obviously I don't think Justin is as eager to "be shown an identity to mold himself to" (like say, Michael is, for better or worse). But he definitely shows signs of using others around him, that he admires for whatever reason, to try on different identities.

He most obvious: Brian. So season one (and two) he's with Brian (or trying to be with Brian.) And we see him going clubbing / enjoying tricking and public sex and everything that Brian says is important. (I would argue that he does like those things, and I will stand by the idea that, while Justin might want to settle down, I don't think monogamy from his partner is as important as stability and security. But obviously being a club kid is a personality he tries on, and decides isn't exactly who he is.)

Then, he's with Ethan; he leaves The Club Kid Who's Agressively Queer And Proud behind to be With The Young Romantic Musician. And then we see him wearing turtlenecks and Being A Pretentious Art Student. Only, you see signs he doesn't like this particular identity, especially at that one party where he tells Ethan's friend off right before Carnivale. He prefers the atmosphere of Carnivale, even if he doesn't really like either. And I would argue Justin does like some of the things that go with this identity: the bathtub, the romance of eating on the floor in a small cozy hovel.

So he goes back to Brian, and they sort of do their own thing.... until Just 'gets with' Cody. It might not be romantic, but it's a significant relationship at the time. Justin shaves his head and gets off on agression. Would he do this if he weren't struggling with anger management and everything else? We have to assume no, since he, well, doesn't… but at the time, Cody is a personality he tries on, to try and deal with Stuff. *waves hands at PTSD*

When he goes to LA, Justin's 'with' Connor, and we see him go back to tricking and anonymous sex / sex parties, but it's in a suuuper LA way: he's at a rich sex party, he's being dragged to glitzy events, everything is super shallow. And -- I have to tell myself he didn't fuck Connor more than once or I get really sad, so it's just a lil crush that he avoids, sure -- he sounds really disappointed when his "in" to the all-access LA party scene, Connor, is done with him.

So he comes back home to Pittsburgh, and has Brian again... only he isn't sure who he is or, most importantly, who he wants to be. This was the character struggle I would argue the writers gloriously failed to depict in season 5, btw: Justin wanted Brian. He just didn't know who he wanted to be and what he wanted to do, for himself. (By the end of the season, arguably, he'd figured it out: he was determined, and he was strong, and he was a survivor, and he was gonna go be an artist, whatever hardship and slogging through galleries and schmoozing and bullshitting and people he wanted to murder he had to kiss ass. he was going. to. be. an. artist.)

they were just real bad at like. the journey to get there.