#angel is an abuser and I hate him forever until the end of time for it he's weak and a fucking coward

[raisedbythetv89]

I've been thinking about the invisible string of it all as it relates to spuffy for the last 48 hours and I'm still going INSANE about it 😹😭

So Liam/Angel/Angelus who uses young girls at best or abuses, psychologically torments and kills them at worst does the worst of the worst to Drusilla and once she's completely broken and hopelessly devoted to him and and only him he immediately loses interest which of course leads to the creation of Spike

Spike who is obsessed with slayers because instead of running from what is designed to destroy him he seeks it out and sees it as a fun and exciting challenge he learns from. Spike who killed two slayers, one who lost her weapon and the other who wished for death. Who's deaths are obviously instrumental in what brings about Buffy the Vampire Slayer being called (Spike also later both preventing the fulfillment of Buffy's death wish and helping her secure THE slayer weapon by giving her the strength she needs??? THE POETRY!!!!)

So Buffy is called when she's called because of all the slayer deaths that came before her and Angel's predatory selfishness and obsession with breaking young innocent girls leads to him eventually losing his soul. Which in combination with his need to constantly belittle Spike for genuinely loving for and caring for Dru aka being feminine and sensitive by taking Drusilla from him and constantly rubbing it in his face and making fun of him for being stuck in a wheelchair aka being weak and helpless (which only happened because he was trying to save Dru and heal her! Demonstrating how rooted in misogyny all of angel's behavior is soul or no soul) is what prompts the origins of Spuffy! Misogyny and cruelty at the hands of Angel combined with Spike and Buffy's determination to never give up no matter how hopeless the circumstances and never back down even if that means teaming up with your enemy is the birth of their relationship!!! They both would literally do anything for love!!! Be it an evil vampire saving the world or the Slayer teaming up with the Slayer of Slayers!!!! Which of course the truce is what causes Spike and Dru to break up which leads to Spike confronting Buffy with the reality about her relationship to angel and the true nature of it. Which of course angel is a manipulative monster who doesn't accept her breaking up with him and moving on so he threatens suicide and then they're back together and THEN once she's comfortable and secure around him, supported by joyce who both institutionalized and kicked buffy out for being the slayer - is like oop it's time to GO girl and breaks up with her in the dumbest most traumatic unresolved way possible and is what leads to her giving "normal" aka Riley a chance because Angel calls their relationship a freak-show and that she, the slayer.... should be normal.....

Which then in s4 Riley and the initiative try and tame and control both Spike and Buffy and when they can't they want them destroyed (the chip, the attempt on Buffy's life and her constantly feeling guilty for being stronger than him and being the slayer, Riley fake staking Spike for outing his betrayal to Buffy and literally blowing up their safe haven in s6) again pushing them together onto the same side, united against a common enemy in s4/5 or propelling them into growth in s6 when the goal was just destruction of Spike/Buffy's comfort in his presence and instead it starts the chain of events that leads to him getting his soul which allows Buffy to love him and let him back into her life and this time her own home without guilt or shame!!!

Then in season 7 both the chip (everything Riley represents) angel and even faith (with the most uncomfortable try hard flirting attempt I've ever seen the second hand embarrassment I get watching her try and hit on Spike is SO strong 🤢😭) try to come between them and pull them apart, create doubt or put them at odds, all fail as now they are an unshakable team that cannot be divided

Where before they were forced onto the same sides by outside forces they're now choosing each other again and again even in the face of outward hostility, disapproval and outright sabatoge from everyone in her life.

Spike and Buffy's relationship is the story of a young girl and a sensitive more feminine man turned vampire who were taught to hate their softness, their femininity, their big hearts, their otherness and were literally designed to destroy each other. Who when the universe kept forcing them together instead of destruction they alchemized the misogyny, abuse and homophobia (as the supernatural is used many times as a metaphor for queerness) they endured both individually and together into liberation for young girls (in the show but for the audience it's representative of liberation for all victims of abuse or oppression no matter your gender identity) everywhere while breaking all the ties that sought to control them and it was all started with Angel's destruction and subsequent abandonment of Drusilla! An abusive predatory man's actions unwittingly lead to the empowerment of THOUSANDS of super-powered young girls who are now able to fight back against monsters like him. Showcasing how abusers and tyrants always create their own downfall because of people like Spike and Buffy who in the face of adversity and pain grow better and stronger out of sheer determination.

There is also a fan theory that Dru was a potential who was about to be called and that's why she was plagued with visions so if all of this is like the ULTIMATE slayer's line revenge on both the council and the original cowardly men who used a young girl to fight their battles for them and on men like angel who lost his control over Buffy and had to watch her chose Spike over him both in s7 when she sends him away and in the comics that makes all of this even more iconic like the ultimate long game revenge but even if it's not and Dru wasn't a potential - an abusive monster who loves to target the weak and helpless tormenting and killing a young innocent girl starting the chain reaction of events that leads to the largest liberation of young girls who would have been exploited and controlled by the council and doomed to short lives full of nothing but fighting and isolation is just fucking incredible 😭 and that is what spuffy represents and what that relationship means to me and why no matter what shit joss tried to throw at us through the narrative or what the anti's say to this day - none of it ever sticks because spuffy is literally about dealing with abusive people just like him and overcoming the pain they cause and turning it into personal growth and healing.

[yuff7e]

Hi angel I love your layout!! Your blog is so cutesy :D Can I rq Sanemi bf headcanons? :-)

⋆.ೃ sanemi bf headcanons !! ࿔*:･ sfw / fluff / headcanons

gender neutral

hi anon !! i love sanemi, he’s the cutest !! and thank you, also the angel nickname has me twirling with cuteness :3 ur the angel for requesting !! enjoy <3

the cuties song -> www.spotify.com

- pure definition of “i hate everyone but you”

- like actually

- buddy doesn’t like no one besides his brother and you atp

- he’s over here cuddling you when no one’s looking and then slashing demons heads off w 0 remorse the next second

- honestly a pretty good sweet talker i would think

- he knows what to say to you to sweep you off your feet, he just doesn’t do it often

- in the right setting he will, but then he gets a little flustered with the affection you give him afterwards

- he likes taking the lead in anything, no matter what it is

- if you want to eat something new he’ll take a bite first “just in case”

- has extreme trust issues, so when you came around it took him a while to actually warm up to you

- so it took him an even longer time actually beginning to like you

- and then it took him LONGER to start dating you

- but he’s def worth the wait, you have a personal bodyguard for LIFE.

- i would think he’s extremely loyal, since he already doesn’t trust anyone and seeing how he’s trusted you enough to start dating you - id think he thinks you’re the one type-thing

- like, he picked you and wants a future with you

- you’re not just some partner that he’s dating “just cause”

- like no he saw visions of yalls future kids FLASH BEFORE HIS EYES BRO.

- he saw visions.

- jk lol

- maybe.

- he’s crazy so maybe yeah, he did see visions…..

- he’s not the biggest fan of physical touch, but really likes acts of service and words of affirmation

- if you go and do something for him he’s on his knees for you (promise not in a weird way, unless you want it to be lol)

- or if you praise him he gets a little flustered and turns his head away from you to hide the faint blush on his cheeks

- “hey, stop that.”

- “sorry!! you’re just so cool baby, i could talk about you forever.”

- “[name]!!”

- honestly, i definitely see him being pretty overprotective

- especially with what you wear and what you do

- not in a abusive way, but hey, we’re talking about feral sanemi here

- like, if you’re a female and one of the hashiras and they give you an outfit like mitsuris - he’s immediately turning that down

- unless you didn’t date until after and you were wearing that, he’d make you change

- “you don’t need the other boys over here staring at you, just me.”

- or if you were a guy and saw you helping another girl he’d be giving HEAAVYYY side eye

- like hello sir it’s fine

- or if you had a reputation to be flirtatious with the girls/guys there before you two had started dating, and still decided to date you after that you have another thing coming

- the night he confessed to you he was like “and if i see you talking with any girls/guys, it won’t end well.”

- bros like misa where she’s like “if i see you with another girl, ill kill her.”

- like OKAAYY buddy calm down it’s never that serious

- he feigns over you too, like crazy

- again, not in a weird way (unless you want it to be)

- i mean yeah it can be weird you’re adults, but like he always wants to be by you and if he’s away from you for a hot minute he’s (mysteriously) rushing back to wherever you’re at

- he needs his aura to 1000+ or he won’t be happy

- he’s lovable, and he loves you

i’m so tired, i’ve written 5 fics today and i’m worn out !! i’ll get to everyone’s tomorrow, goodnight loves <3

REQUESTS : OPEN

[trashc-anon]

hazbin hotel is polluting my mind so if I were the editor's intern: reco

• either stretch the season into 16 episodes or cut the plotlines in half;

• definitaly cut Alastor's screen time in half (if not more)

• make up your mind how much of the pilot is canon (especially regarding Lucifer)

• episode 1 is good as is, a soft reboot from the pilot without getting in too much detail and I love hating Adam, "Hell is Forever" is banger (i hope the music writers were properly paid and Disney learns why AI is a bad idea!)

• episode 2 is a problem, because Sir Pentious presence is only because of the V's, make that episode 2/2;

• ep 1/2 - Charlie and Vaggie leave the hotel to recruit; Sir Pentious attacks, all on schedule

• Charlie or Vaggie save some of the eggs from being crushed; when the "battle" is over, Pentious is cautiosly agrees to entertain their hospitalty; angel is untrusting;

• "Starts with Sorry"

• leave the Vs as unseen foes, and Alastor's only appearance is his shadow at the end of the episode (Overlords are mysterious unseen threat)

• episode 2/2 - Vs are anxious that Alastor is with the princess;

• see, the first couple of episodes make sense, but they take away from the girls and the hotel

• but "Stayed Gone" is sooo good! maybe use at a later date?

nevermind

• "Stayed Gone" is a fun song, BUT it doesn't make sense for Alastor, mysterious serial killer, to have childish rivalries; why didn't he kill Vox back when he rejected him and Vox got 'pissy'?

• either make Vox less pathetic or less there;

• soooo, episode 3/1 is would be trust exercises

• i actually liked Angel's plan with BDSM, he's not wrong and I wished he had the chance to be an adult that LIKES sex separate from the victim that uses overtsexuality as a defence mechanism

• each character could have their own moment to show what trust means to them; trust comes in different shades;

• between Angel and Maggie we see sexual intimacy and surviving extreme situations; Husk has issues with openess; Niffty with intrusive thoughts;

• IN FACT! actually stablish WHY Husk and Niffty are part of the exercises! they're not guests, Husk says as much, they are employees LOANED by Alastor; they're not there to earn redemption; *vague hand gesture in confusion*

• OKAY - Overlord meeting... ehhhhhh

• i still want to cut Alastor's screentime! whats the point of the meeting? screentime for the overlords, the dead angel (which we know, but main cast won't until episode 7) Carmila being responsible is important, we need to know who to ask for help, but ugh. I get its also, prelude that you need love to fight and win against angels, but its never stablished in canon, Carmila says it to Maggie to use as internal compass to keep her fighting beyond pain and fear; bloodlust is distracting, love is focused;

• my delight with Zestial being all dark and yummy need to take a hike for the sake of - what am i even doing any more?

• I can't help but think how much of these decision are also based on Voice Actor salaries; because Keith David (Husk) gotta be expensive and for a character that is literaly always presented he almost never talks; and just, ALL of them being expensive and ~ahahah better make fewer episodes if you want big names in your projects~

• ughhhh that's when you know a series has issues, when trying to fix you run into a thousand more problems;

• i would respect how much they put into 8 episodes, ONLY IF it's true they didn't know they would get season 2. Because in that case a bunch of these plot lines needed to be dropped, I don't care how fanfavorite the character is;

• the Vs serve no purpose what so ever, you can easily have Valentino as a lone villain (also less confusion about hells social rules about SA and abuse);

• Lucifer should've been the last big name to enter screen; work up to the trial with Heaven for S2E01 (why even a trial)

• just how PLOT heavy is this series that Viv needed Lilith's bomb to drop in season 1? which is a major inconsistancy for a series based on the theme of redemption, a CHARACTER heavy theme;

• as it is, i don't see how Sir Pentious being redeemed is a good thing, because he died before entering Heaven, so other souls need to die too and hope it's not forever? wouldn't that fuel Exterminators cause to kill in name of 'clensing'? (holy shit, the more I write the worse it gets)

• IS there an primordial EVIL to scare the angels so badly?

• omg I hope they won't try to bring actual GOD into the series; I know there is concept art floating around, but please, do not;

• Supernatural barely got away with it in Season 5 because it was a funny 'what if' and made it got bad in Season 10 (?) (no series should ever emulate Supernatural, its a warning I mean it, don't, not worth it, you don't have 10+ years of dead horse to beat)(the fans, me, stayed out of, idk, regretfull loyalty)

• my english is not good enough for this... KAY IM DONE NOW! BYEEEE

[butterflyinthewell]

Behind a cut so people don’t have to see me rant about my disabled, emotionally abusive dad.

So my dad fell twice in the last five days due to not listening to me and mom. He has Parkinson’s and if you dig through my posts you’ll see me talk about it, so I won’t go into it.

I don’t hate disabled people, just him. I don’t hate him for having Parkinson’s, I hate him for the abuse he inflicted on me and still inflicts on me with his disability as a crutch to get away with it. And I call out ableism when the problems we have with him are caused by the medical care system, because sometimes it’s not his fault.

But THIS situation IS his fault.

SO ANYWAY…

Last Friday, he fell because he wouldn’t stop rocking sideways every time he got up. He gets up with help and uses a walker, but he throws his weight around when he knows me and mom are two tiny women compared to a hulking huge man.

And he fell.

We had to call my aunt and uncle over to get his ass off the damn floor and onto his toilet commode so he could take a shit. Then they got him into bed. He claimed he was fine, and then on Tuesday he started griping that his lower back and buttcheek hurt on the left side. But he could walk and didn’t complain much after the initial gripe.

Today, he was all scrunched up in bed in a way that guarantees his back will hurt and made his pain worse, like I told him it would (and he wouldn’t listen to me).

Mom took him out into the living room and he fell on the way, AGAIN, because he kept rocking his weight around.

Now get this, he doesn’t throw his weight like that when therapists would come over. Dad will be an angel for them, but a nightmare for me and mom. He cooperates for professionals, but not family. He does everything in his power to make life as hard as possible for me and mom. I’m not kidding when I say that.

He goes to the doctor on Monday to find out what the fuck he did to himself, but it’s going to be a nightmare.

My birthday is coming up and of COURSE he does this right before it, and ruins any excitement I had.

Before you attack me for that, keep in mind that he pulls shit like this all the time. He knows everyone will be sympathetic to him while looking at mom and me like we’re evil for being exhausted, angry and burnt out.

The fact that we can’t afford to put him anywhere or get help into this house means we have no lives outside of caregiving. Every waking moment until we sleep is him and all his emotionally abusive bullshit, every day with no breaks, forever. He has ruined holidays, birthdays and plans because his only joy in life is making everyone around him as miserable as he is.

I’ve managed to eke out a few moments of joy here and there, but for the most part my life is a slog that never ends.

I laugh at the people who acted like COVID lockdowns were depriving them of life. I won’t deny that it was a traumatic experience, and this is not aimed at people who got sick anyway and now have long covid. This ain’t you, don’t worry.

But the people who acted so inconvenienced that their social lives got interrupted? Fuck off.

I’ve lived something like the COVID lockdowns for over a decade. No life outside of my house, no life outside of being a caregiver for someone who is sucking away all my compassion and love.

I can’t leave because I’m disabled too and all the legal shit is inaccessible to me.

I’m trapped, mom is trapped, and we are eventually going to die from the stress while he sits there yelling at us for not jumping to his every whim.

My only escape is writing fanfics and staring dead-eyed at my ipad screen, interrupted constantly by him demanding things.

I have accumulated so much trauma from him, and COVID, and mom having medical crises that were resolved, and my needs not being met, that I’ll be surprised to see 45. I will be shocked if I wake up alive on my 45th birthday.

I turn 43 this July 29, 2023, so yeah.

If I don’t die, my mom is going to, and if she goes we’re all dead.

I just hope I go first. Either heart attack or stroke will probably do it, but I don’t want to outlive her and be alone with him.

No child should be trapped as a caregiver for a disabled abusive parent, but it happens and nobody talks about it.

[jaeclerc]

my maxiel demon WIP that is mostly just vibes rn LOLLLL but i wanted to share:

if max had known that having gay sex in the catholic church would have cursed him to an eternity of bullshit, he would’ve just gone to confession and prayed away the gay like the rest of his peers. but instead he decided to fuck in one of the confession stalls in the mid 80s and then pass away shortly afterwards from a very untimely grape to the airway, which cursed him to an eternity of doing the devil’s bidding. the devil liked to call himself daniel, but max hated calling the devil anything other than The Devil because if he gave him a name then maybe he’d be a bit more personable. max would have to admit that daniel (the devil) wasn’t too bad of a guy.

he himself told max that he didn’t tempt him to fuck in a church, he didn’t even have time to deal with max, too busy dealing with actual sinners. max was just gay and had an insane amount of catholic guilt. but hell was punishment and max’s punishment was to be the dynamic demon duo with another gay 19 year old, only this one was from monaco and obnoxious. he had apparently committed the sin of fucking the priest and then managed to have a very early in life heart attack.

(“he was so hot, max. i had to!”)

max had been working with charles for 40 years. that’s a long time to spend with someone when both of you had passed away at 19 and were forever demon-ized in those bodies and minds. if he looked super deep within he could even admit that charles was his best friend.

daniel, the devil, had them working on the sinner example enforcement division (SEED for short much to max’s chagrin), going out and seducing Actual Real Life Sinners in order to entrap them and enforce that they made terrible mistakes that were actually important to the devil. like trafficking and abusing people. many of them, much to charles’ chagrin and disgust, resided in monaco, which meant that max and charles had to go there often to perform their jobs. they often donned the skins of socialites in order to properly entrap them.

daniel, despite popular opinion, was not the ever eternal enticer but rather the ever eternal enforcer. he was not the opposite of the upside (what he called Heaven) but actually their guard dog, making sure that humans didn’t stomp over each other’s free will. in the event they did, they were swiftly met with punishment, one that hopefully set them straight enough to run tail tucked back to church and having morals.

he sent charles and max out to do the dirty work before he came in, dressed like the worst millennial one has ever seen and met. he was always floating for some reason, maybe to really pack the punch that he was The Devil and he was alive (kinda) to deliver holy justice.

often, the Big Sinners would proverbially spit in his face and brag about what they’ve done. that usually brought in the wrath of daniel, red horns sprouting, tail whipping faster than a human eye can see as he struck them, lashing them. the end of his tail was like a hot poker, searing into their skin and lasting longer than humanly possible.

most gave in after that; some didn’t. so he would lash them again, telling them to repent. if they didn’t repent, he would continue to do it until they did or until their soul joined the three of them, which they would drag back to Hell and throw into the fiery pits.

while charles and max had committed sins, they never hurt anyone. they just offended God. that’s why they were demons rather than spirits, they had the ability to exist even if they had already passed. most souls that came to Hell were souls that needed to be sent up the upside, a few were those who needed to be sent to neutral grounds while the angel courts debated their lives. an even smaller few were those who needed to actually be thrown into the pits. the smallest few would be turned into either angels or demons.

when max met his first angel, a boy named lando, he was shocked to learn that lando was also gay, like him and charles. and had acted upon it. the difference was that he had not offended God, but rather had acted graciously in his name for his entire short life.

max was even more shocked to learn that daniel had selected both him and charles to be demons.

(“i had a soft spot for you both! two gay boys who had both done something homosexual and personally offended toto within days of each other. and then died? sign me up!” god presented himself as a 6’5 austrian dilf. it was very odd, the first time max had met him. god was hot.)

the minor Big Sinners would usually just shit themselves at the appearance of daniel, even without his horns and with his dorky backwards hat. but the whole floating bit did probably help, as well as his candy red tail being held up menacingly, threatening even if daniel had his dimples out and smile on. max doesn’t know if he’d personally be scared of daniel in that form, but he thinks he’s probably biased based off the fact that he watched daniel sob over the notebook a few too many times to count.

(charles tells max that it’s actually probably because he wants to have sex with daniel. charles doesn’t know what he’s talking about. max tells him so, but charles counters that he has a boyfriend and max doesn’t. max personally thinks that the angel that charles fucked after a session of angel court doesn’t count, but who is he to actually say. that angel has been around for like. at least 10 years.

actually max is pretty sure that the angel, who has a name that max refuses to ever acknowledge that he remembers, has been living with them for the past 5 years. he does see sebastian often. like every day after his shift as daniel’s PA.)

their duties after they repent are usually done. some of them take another enforcement session. most of them have the fear of toto put into them and don’t ever commit a big enough sin to ping on their radar.

most of being a demon is just: sit around with charles, being daniel’s assistant, and enforcing the laws of heaven. it’s pretty boring, which is probably the actual punishment to his offense of toto. he gets to be out of his mind bored for eternity or until daniel dies. daniel is a young devil incarnation, but he’s still going to die someday, once society has evolved for a new god, devil, and court. the demons that he created will go with him. nobody wants to serve a new master, especially demons. especially max.

if he reaches deep down, even past the part that admits charles is actually his best friend, he sees that he quite likes daniel. daniel made sure that he always had a friend, daniel always made sure that he knew that his sin wasn’t being gay, it was fucking in a church, and he made sure that max felt comfortable in his after-life. as comfortable as a demon could feel.

if he reached the deepest, most barren hidden parts of himself, he could admit that he wanted to kiss daniel. what type of demon decides that he wants to fuck the devil? not for power but just because he thinks that The Devil is quite sweet and always makes him laugh.

The Devil is delightfully immature while also guiding max through the after life and an infinity of service to the heavens and earth with a maturity that surprises.

max had once asked daniel when he had become The Devil. daniel had looked away before saying he wasn’t exactly sure of the year because it was the middle of the war. the war to end all wars, and he was deep in it, fighting in the Australian army when he got taken. he woke up to toto staring at him with a curled lip and rolled eyes, muttering about the previous devil and his choice of a protégé. he was the new incarnation, as there was a new extreme evil that had been brewing. they never really said what but it was easy to tell the implications, the way the world had seemed to be falling apart.

corporate greed and exploitation was probably what called about a new incarnation, of god, the devil, and all the heavenly figures. who knew, for sure? all they could say was that the universe had decided that it was time, and when it was time for them to go, they would know.

daniel had seen the way the world moves. the way it evolved and devolved. it reflected on his bright red eyes, the mirroring of the flames. that was also the natural appearance of the devil, a reflection of fire in cherry red eyes, but daniel’s eyes always seemed to take on more a brown tint when he spoke of his past, turning slightly sad and dark.

and then he cracked a dick joke and max laughed so hard he wheezed and these moments were over, but max imagines that it probably made his heart ache when he saw how his death, the death of his peers, and those he killed were all for nothing with the second war came. and then all the wars after that. the way the world changed vastly with the evolution of human invention, creating ways for humanity to become even more depraved. ways for humans to suffer even more.

[ananke-xiii]

My ranking of SPN seasons (based only on their PLOT) pt. 1

Okay so I've finally watched all 15 seasons of Supernatural and, I must say, what a journey!

The show has releaved itself to be a pleasant surprise, I've learned a lot thanks to it. I must confess that I had strong prejudices against it and had been avoiding it all these years because I thought it was... well, tbh not worthy.

Of course, since now I am here writing about it, it's useless to say that I was wrong. It's not the perfect show, sometimes it's not even a good show, but for sure it's an enjoyable, interesting and exciting show.

The following ranking is based solely on the plot (and subplot) of each seasons and my personal opinion about it.

15. Season 14: Frankly, I don't know what to say about this season, LOL. There is no real plot. We are led to believe that the story will revolve around Dean being possessed by Michael, okay. Basically Michael!Dean from the AU goes to Earth 1 to create an army of monsters (?) but then says bye bye to Dean and leaves (??), but oh wait, no, he re-possesses him (???), and then the army disappears (???) and then he gets trapped in Dean's mind and then he posseses Rowena (???????????). In the mean time, Jack is sick, dies, gets rescued by Castiel who makes a crazy deal with The Empty, then kinda goes crazy and starts killing angels (?????) and then gets killed by God. He also accidentally kills Mary Winchester (???????) in the process. I dont' get it, okay? Maybe it's just me! At any rate, we discover that Michael can possess whoever he wants since he easily changes his vessel without consent multiple times. This fact alone contradicts the whole of season 5 (Dean is the chosen one, the one and only Michael's vessel, hello writers?). Finally, the whole Nick/Lucifer thing. I get it, Mark Pellegrino was GREAT as Lucifer, I loved him, I wanted to see more of him. But his subplot was nonsense and meh. So, yes, the plot was bad. Reeeeeal bad.

14. Season 15: One of the the fun things about Supernatural is, for me, the fact that it doesn't take itself too seriously. Throughout the whole series we have continuous meta incursions and I find that extremely interesting. However, I think that with the final season they went too far. The plot (kiling the manipulative and frankly insufferable God) is stimulating enough until the episode named "The Trap". After that, I felt like the writers didn't know how to fill the remaining episodes until the end and just wasted half of the show on basically nothing really noteworthy. Also, one could totally see that the main worry was not the plot but trying to tie all loose ends off. It was unsuccessful. I would have preferred a well-executed plot rather than a plot that aimed at"filling in" all the gaps of a 15-year-old TV show (read: it's almost impossible, also unnecessary). The final episode was just bad, like really really bad. The plot was resolved by episode 19, so the last episode really felt like something made to end the show forever, kill everyone off and never talk about them anymore. It didn't make any sense at all.

13. Season 7: I didn't hate season 7 per se, but the plot was not great. Like season 15, the season starts off strong with the main event but then it drags itself out until the end. There's no meat in between. The gist is to kill the Leviathans, the subplot is Sam's confronting Lucifer's mental abuse. The most interesting stuff (aka the introduction of the Word of God) happens around the last 3 episodes. This is one of those seasons that are needed to "connect" different points in the myth-arc, however it was not done brilliantly. I felt like Bobby's death was not necessary to the events, it was poorly done for emotional sake. The"Dick jokes" are funny at first, then they are tiresome. After a while I couldn't take the characters seriously, it was all one big dick joke after another, please stop. At the end, we find out that the whole subplot was utterly useless: Castiel shifts the Sam's mental problem from Sam's mind to his, goes crazy in exchange, ultimately to be cured once he's in Purgatory. I'm sorry, what? Also: the Leviathans (the close-to unkillable monsters the heroes have been fighting for the whole series) become just "regular monsters" and that's it. I'm sorry, WHAT?!

12. Season 3: This season contains arguably some of the best episodes of the whole show. The 2007-2008 Writers Guild of America Strike affected the way the plot was planned (I presume) but I think it was for good. As a result, the plot is clean, simple, easy: the heroes need to rescue Deam from the demonic deal he has made. I like when there's a sort of "deadline" in the plot, it keeps things interesing for me. That's it, that's the plot. There's no subplot either. So why this low in the ranking? WELL. The first half of the show made me very uncomfortable. The jokes sounded very, very problematic and I had a very hard time finishing the episodes. Now I know this has nothing to do with the plot, but hey. It made me feel uneasy and the ranking is mine so ranking n. 12 it is!

11. Season 6: I appreciated the writers' attempt with this season. Basically, both the plot and the two main subplots make zero to no sense until the end, when we discover "the truth". As a matter of fact, until episode 19 we don't really understand what's going on. The plot seems to be the hunting of the Alphas and, eventually, of the Mother of them all: Eve. One subplot seems to be a civil war in Heaven, although we are only told about it and never see anything. The other subplots is Sam being soulless + the fact that now he's been hunting with his resurrected grandfather who, in turn, was resurrected by Crowley and now works under him (LOL). For the plot and the first subplot to make sense the missing link is this: Castiel and Crowley have been pulling the strings all along without the heroes' knowing. For the subplot... well, for the subplot (Sam being soulless), too LOL. Cas and Crowley are having an "affair of sorts" and plan to open the door to Purgatory to take souls from there and use them as... energy? Yeaaah. I liked the "whoaa I didn't see it coming" factor. HOWEVER, for it to REALLY make sense one needs to acknowledge Cas and Crowley relationship. Like, seriously, the reason why everything starts to go wrong (and interesting) is because Dean feels "betrayed" by Cas. Which makes zero sense. But I digress. What I want to say is that the turning point of the plot is understated unless you get the "romantic" implications. It's left to the audience to get it but, honestly, I didn't get it at first so I didn't get why the characters were so angry at Cas and why Cas didn't tell Dean about his affair with Crowley. Then when you get it, you get it but anyway the plot is not the best the show has to offer.

[eyeless-cunt]

I’m currently being cancelled on tiktok for writing fucked up shit. Therefor, i demand the absolute most vile, fucked up headcanons you got. I mean absolutely traumatize me EC. I dare you. You won’t.

oh boy. no idea what that's about but a request is a request so.

TW/CW: Some of these aren't my personal hcs. Just writing fucked up shit to write fucked up shit. Cannibalism. Child death. Forced abortion. We are Killing Pregnant Women Today! Slight implied animal abuse. Suicide. We are having sex with God and Eating Them. Being sacrilegious and blasphemous. Corruption kink. Maggots. Night terrors and Hallucinations. Gore. Implied Car Accident Death. LJ, Ben, Toby.

Starting off strong here. We all know and understand LJ's hatred towards happy children and loving parents/caretakers. This hate extends towards happy expecting couples. Those newly weds who've finally gotten their lives together and are ready to start a family. Those families who are expecting their first child, excited and ready for happy days to follow. LJ finds the most fulfillment in tearing these people down. He takes his time with it. Letting the dog out, coloring on the walls, starting facets and leaving hard candies in random places. Once they know something is deeply wrong he'll up the ante. Stress the dog out, make it jumpy and quick to bite. When they wake they'll find candy under their tongue. Wails in the middle of the night will wake them constantly. The grand finale will come when they're packing their bags, ready to leave and never come back to this horror house. But he won't let them. He'll drag the person with the full stomach, the growing life into a locked room while their partner screams and wails on the other side of the door, hopelessly kicking and clawing at a door that just won't fucking budge. He'll wait months until the due date is almost here—he wants to claw an almost completely formed fetus out of them. He wants it to hurt. He wants to unlock the door once he's finished and watch it slowly open to reveal a horrifying display of guts and gore. To him there's nothing more addictive than watching the partner fall to the floor and scream, not being able to do anything other than cry and tremble.

Ben doesn't know where he went wrong but it's a few hundred years too late. How can he clean up his messes? How could these people ever forgive him? He's killed thousands, driven children to suicide and mothers to murder. He wishes he regretted it a little more. Maybe then he'd be forgiven. Should he lay out his sins at the altar and beg God for their company? Will a prayer absolve his sins? Or will spreading God open and taking the forgiveness he needs to feel better end up being the solution? The holiness of this intimacy is sacred. Would bending over an angel and taking their innocence grant him an immunity or would it damn him forever? If he ate a piece of their purity would he become pure? All it takes is an eye, a clamp down on their neck, the blood of God in his system. Could he make an angel scream for him? Taste this human impurity. Take a piece of the human he used to be and taste what you've created. Feel this pain. Taste this suffering on my tongue. Can you get a feel of what human existence is all about as you suck between my legs? You can create the human existence, so can't you replicate it as well? Fuck like a human, cum like a human. Kill like a human and eat like a fucking human. Eat my eyes and lick the sockets clean as I say a prayer for you. You created this chest, so take everything inside of it. Break open the ribcage and chew through the tissue. This heart is yours<3

Toby will never stop getting nightmares of his half dead sister in the middle of the night. The smell of ammonia leads him to believe there are maggots crawling through her veins that he can't quite make out in the dark. It makes him wonder what else he can't see. Does her skin still have that glow? Or has it all but rotted off her bones–a question he thinks he knows the answer to as he hears the noises she makes against the floorboards. It's a wet sound, like a used washcloth dragging against the ground. Toby is far too scared to close his eyes. Too guilty. Is he upsetting her by shaking in the corner, scared and horrifed? Does she wonder what she's done wrong to receive this sort of treatment? When all she's done is die, he has no reason to be afraid. His sister is still his sister, even if her guts are on the outside now. Could he hold her still? Or is she meant to stay on that side of the room, just a bleeding watcher in the doorway? Could he comfort her for once? Or is there enough comfort in the passenger seat of that car, enough safety in the metal frame that stays lodged in her skull. Does she still need comfort now that she's dead? Can she feel the refuge of death and the stillness of the air in this room? Maybe now it's too late for his attempt of giving back.

[leedollop]

I totally agree, but I wanna hear your personal defense of A/dam.

To be honest, I think Adam got so much hate because he was paired against someone like C/harlie, and I think it's very easy to want to side with C/harlie because of what she represents. C/harlie represents child like hope, optimism, and wonder, and, against her, I think it's easy to see A/dam, even with his boyish charm, as representing adult like cynicism. (Plus C/harlie defending the fan favorites).

But, it really isn't that way if you look at it from A/dam's perspective. Imagine you've been doing exterminations because you love the people in Heaven and you've been led to believe the people in Hell are like, the worst of the worst and are threatening Heaven's safety. Like yeah, if I thought everyone was pretty much all like V/alentino down there who were now whining about getting their just desserts, I'd also be singing Hell Is Forever and calling exterminations entertainment! I think it's unreasonable to expect A/dam to have that perspective changed by a few doodles, especially when C/harlie never gives the context of what her people are really like, just that they're her people, so of course she'll defend them.

To be fair to C/harlie, pushing her explanation off until the last minute could lead to pressure that doesn't make people good at explaining things (unintentional on A/dam's part), but she could have been bonding with A/dam that whole time instead of making annoyed faces at him, which probably would have helped A/dam understand her perspective more. C/harlie being impatient is her biggest character flaw, and I'll be interested to see how they address that in s2.

Plus, I think it's worth mentioning that C/harlie didn't present that well in court either (to be very clear, I adore C/harlie as a character, I think she has a great heart and means no harm, I just think, again, she often puts the cart before the horse). My biggest critique is that she picked A/ngel D/ust, but she never informed the court of the situation A/ngel D/ust is in, which stopped them from sympathizing with A/ngel the same way she or us the audience have. Even when A/dam and L/ute were making comments about A/ngel's career, C/harlie didn't give them the context of overlords or the fact V/al is an abusive piece of crap specifically that overpowers A/ngel.

Like yes, C/harlie doesn't know the full extent of it, but she saw enough at the studio that day to argue A/ngel is in a state of duress. Yes, the court did see A/ngel's conversation with V/al at the club but, without the context of how Hell works, to them it probably just sounded like two sinners having a power dispute, and they could have just thought the chain was a part of V/al's powers rather than an overlord thing.

It's ironic A/dam and V/ox ended up being such good friends in my and my friend's AU, because I feel like they both get hated on in the fandom for similar reasons. Mostly that people overly side with one character and refuse to see either of their sides of the story.

For example, I feel like people are so protective of A/ngel D/ust that any support for him outside of just outright "I love you and I hate V/al" is ignored and diminished. So people see V/ox putting on an act around V/al and, instead of noticing V/ox protecting A/ngel, people just latch onto the fact that V/ox wasn't yelling at V/al like "HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BOI, I HATE YOU V/AL!" to paint him as just as terrible as V/al. They also then ignore V/ox's obvious annoyance at V/al, and V/al literally throwing a glass at V/ox and breaking his phone, showing V/ox isn't safe from V/al's wrath either, nor is he in a great situation. Yet he risked his ass to calm V/al down anyway.

I think a lot of people forget killing sinners for those in Hell isn't that simple, and in V/ox's situation, even with angelic steel he'd have to make a plan so it couldn't be traced back to him (I doubt V/alentino is the only overlord he'd have to worry about in that scenario). So yeah no, V/ox isn't going to directly oppose V/al's actions for his own safety and he's not going to beat the jerk to a pulp or willy nilly decide to kill him because, if he does and it doesn't work, he's putting himself and A/ngel in way more danger than it's worth.

Sorry, I got very passionate there lol. My point is I tend to write things as less black and white, especially concerning those two characters, because I think putting yourself in their shoes makes a lot of their behavior make sense. Which isn't saying the exterminations were the right thing to do because I see people swing things all the way back around that way, but that A/dam's viewpoints on it were understandable if we dissect why he hates Hell and it's people in the first place. Which is why in my AU he's given a chance to see the truth and, when he does, it's a very quick turn around.

[cannibalcoyote]

David Bowie: Don't Go

Imagine David Bowie falls in love with you the moment he meets you, but you're taken away; only for him to find you again after many years have passed: Warnings: Alludes to suicidal thoughts/ideation, abuse, abuse of power, feelings of worthlessness, injury, angst, apathy

1975

It was always loud around me, everyone shouting and screaming in my direction. Adoration emanated in their voices as they called my name, but all it made me feel was anxious and overwhelmed. I'm always running from them, these people that claim to love me... they lie when they say that, how can they love someone they do not know?

These manic strangers scared me, I never wanted to walk down the streets alone, but there were moments I would risk it simply for a second just to myself. I once thought of leaving this world, setting my soul free, abandoning this shell I am forced into. I was so close to going through with it, but then I met someone who forced a change in my perception.

We were young during our first meeting, I was several years into my stardom, usually caged up in my Los Angeles apartment. I hate Los Angeles, in fact, I hate California as a whole; the only reason I was even there was because my manager had forced me into this movie deal.

I wasn't unhappy with the movie, I had read the novel it was based on, and the script embraced a lot of the original elements. I couldn't survive there for long though, my mind was always leaving me, traveling elsewhere, to places with happy memories. The few moments of awareness during my day left me with an unending headache, it made me nauseous knowing that I was still alive. I felt like I was betraying God with these thoughts, that I was dishonoring him in some way with my destructive hatred for myself and my surroundings.

___

The first day on set was numbing, my manager had escorted me there, his firm glare setting me on edge; I know the only reason he was with me was to ensure that I didn't go against him. A deal with the Devil, he observed my every move, I felt like he was screening my thoughts before allowing me to speak.

I wanted to scream, to reach out to the people around me for help; but I didn't. I simply kept my eyes down, only speaking when the director or cast members addressed me directly.

The day was nearing its end, I had been encapsulated with this crowd and wanted a moment of quietness, I knew when I was back in that apartment that I would be yelled at. He would be angry that I seemed so disinterested in everything, furious that I had the audacity to try and come here without him.

I nervously skittered away from the people, moving swiftly towards the door as my heart rate raced. I was so close, it would only offer me momentary relief, but that was better than nothing, better than this everlasting flame that was burning me from the inside out. I felt cauterized from the heat, forever stuck in this flesh prison until my untimely death. Yet, death offers me no salvation, in this world of sin we are doomed to return, to relive these traumas until we learn something from this negative world.

One foot was out the door when a hand seized my wrist; had it been my neck, I'm sure I would think I was being strangled. A chilling shiver scraped along my spine, it was that uncomfortable feeling of knowing I was caught. The air in my lungs felt suffocating, the heat of my body sweltering as I glanced at the hand.

"Where do you think you're going?" I look sternly at my manager, surveying his aura and body language. I can tell that he is nearing the end of his rope, the 'patience' he has is running thin. I remember the first time I hired him, I thought he was respectable, he looked like a business man with his hair combed back with his immaculate suit, speaking to me with high revere.

Not many things have changed about him, he still speaks well of me - now only to possible clients or partners; his way of dressing has only gotten finer with the money I bring in, but the young man I hired was long gone. He's been my manager since I was 12 and he was 36, I'm now 19, him being 43. The full head of black hair is slightly graying at the sides, his athletic physique gave way to slight obesity - but the strange type of weight gain where he is top-heavy in the chest, if that makes sense.

He used to make me feel comfortable, he wouldn't yell or scream at me, but that was back when my parents were always around, as soon as I turned 18 they upped and left. They still sent me requests for money every now and then, well aware I would oblige. I know they likely think I wanted them to leave, but what I wouldn't give for them to come and stick their noses in my business.

"...I'm going to the bathroom?" My voice feels like it's grating against my throat, as though I haven't had a thing to drink all day; however, I know he wouldn't let me go a day without 8 glasses of water. That may sound like he actually cares for me, but he knows that my albums are the reason behind a lot of my wealth, and he refuses to let anything damage my voice.

The eye contact we hold burns me, I don't know what else to do but hope he believes me. I sigh in relief as he releases his hold, sending a curt 'get going' to me before turning away. I haven't felt happy in a long while, and though I know what I'm feeling isn't happiness, it still reminds me of it. I want to rush forward, but force a steady walk, going straight past the bathroom and outside.

The sun is obnoxiously bright, I want to go back inside, but I know he will be waiting for me. I shuffle over to the back of the building, a lonely bench awaiting, luckily sheltered away from the sweltering sun. My back aches as I collapse onto it, head falling back against the wall as I quietly groan in dissatisfaction. The traffic is loud, I can hear airplanes in the distance, and the footsteps of people along the sidewalk.

God, I wish I was somewhere else, I wish I was back home in Montana, or maybe at my seldom used cabin in Idaho. I want to not see another human being for miles, I want trees and wildlife to surround me as I write and draw, but I know that won't happen anytime soon.

The thoughts overrunning my mind lower my awareness of my surroundings, so much so that I only become aware again when someone sits next to me. The alarming aura of a person so near, this is the closest a stranger has been to me without my manager in sight; I can't remember how long ago it has been since I talked to someone without him watching me.

I observe them from the corner of my eye, he's taller than me, dressed in a casual black suit with a hat, his orange-blonde hair coaxing my attention. I know who he is, we were briskly introduced during the meeting, but he was surrounded by an entourage that kept people away from him.

He glances to me, our eyes meeting for an instant before I turn away from him. I'm not sure how to talk to him, it's been so long since I was able to speak freely that I fear I don't know how to anymore.

"So, what are you doing out here?" His accented tone rings out sharply, dancing through the noisy ambience, my head subconsciously tilting as I listen to him. Turning my face to him, I'm met by his piercing eyes paired with his angular face; I almost want to huff at how exact and fine his features are.

"I could ask you the same." I state, holding a steady gaze, watching as his eye flicker over me before returning ahead.

"I saw you leaving, and I wanted to know where you were going." He responds, voice smooth as he brushes his hair back neatly.

"So you followed me?" The sentence flows from my mouth so quickly, realizing what I've said makes me feel bilious. I gulp, looking over to him as I await a yell or a glare; surprised when he lets out an amused laugh.

"Don't make it weird." He giggles, looking down to his hands. He looks up to speak again, but a concerned look washes over his features.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." The sentence strings along, his body shifting towards me as all his attention is focused on me. I'm confused at first, wondering why he was reacting like this before realizing I must look tense and pale.

"No, no, it's alright. It's not you." I quickly respond, resting a hand gently over his own to calm him down. I once again speak without thinking, not realizing I told him indirectly that I am in fact uncomfortable.

"So that's why you're out here." David states, his hands gently holding my own as his concerned expression magnifies. I pull my hands away in fear of the repercussions for this conversation.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I scowl, glaring at the wall opposite us. I hurriedly stand up, worried about staying out too long, I don't want my manager getting suspicious.

I squint my eyes against the weather, the sun burns as the heat overwhelms my sense. I want to cry, but I know that I can't allow myself to. David stands as well, and I'm about to walk away before feeling something being placed atop my head. Glancing over to David, I notice his hat missing, my sight no longer being hindered by the sunlight. I gaze at him in suspicion, what does he want?

"What?" Is all he says, a smirk playing on his features as he leads me back around the building to the front door. I try to give him his fedora back, but he simply pushed it back to me, telling me to keep it. I thank him, a smile trying to appear on my face as I look up to him; he grins to me before walking away, leaving me alone.

___

My manager was pissed, he knew I lied about going to bathroom, and was even angrier when he saw I had David Bowie's fedora clutched in my small hands. He snatches it from my hands, I open my mouth to argue, but the look on his face tells me it'll be much worse if I speak.

I follow him through the crowd, weaving carefully so that I don't touch people. We reach the group surrounding David, my manager saying we have something of his. As he walks towards us, my manager shoves the fedora into my hands before shoving me forward. I can tell David is confused by the situation, I hope he didn't see my manager push me.

"What is it (Y/N)?" This is the first time he's used my name, I don't know why it stunned me, maybe because no one cares enough to know my real name, instead calling me by my pseudonym. I nervously glance away and look back at my manager, I can tell he wants to yell at me, but he knows he has to wait.

"I-I'm returning your fedora, you must've dropped it..." I reply, hoping he goes along with it.

"What?" His bewildered response matches his expression, I don't know how to get him to go along other than to rephrase myself.

"I was coming back from the bathroom and saw it on the floor, you must've dropped it." I explain, looking him firmly in the eyes as I hold out the hat. His eyes now hold understanding as he glances behind me.

"Oh, thank you... Can I speak to you for a moment?" He responds, grabbing the hat and then my wrist to pull me forward. I yelp weakly, my wrist hurting from its past abuse. David glanced down at me in worry just as my manager moves forward and grabs my shoulder.

"We need to get going, you have another meeting in a half-hour." My manager interrupts, bundling me away before David could even blink. ___

My manager is fuming, I can tell by the slight jitter in is movements as he forces me out of the building and down the street. I know he wants nothing more than to yell at me, make me cry, but he will have to wait until we get some privacy before he can do as he pleases.

The car ride is anything but pleasant, he may have opened the door for me, but he shoved me in so fast that I knocked my head against the frame. The headache is splitting through my skull, the mixture of pain and internal agony is catching up with me.  My manager angrily slams his door and begins driving back to my apartment; he wastes no time laying into me.

"What the fuck was that!" He shouts angrily, fists clenching the steering wheel to the point I think he's fantasizing that it's my neck.

"What?" I try to play dumb, but I should've known better.

"Don't give me that bullshit! I know you didn't go to the bathroom, you snuck out so you could talk with that singer!" He states with a scowl, glaring at me before looking back to the road. I can see the sweat layered upon his brow, perhaps the sun is getting to him as well?

"I didn't!" My response is halted quickly, my manager reaching across the center console as he smacks me sharply. I want to say I'm surprised, but I'm not, though that does nothing to numb the stinging pain as tears burn my eyes.

"You wanna rethink that response." He grits, I can tell he's furious, and he'll do as he pleases no matter my answer. Involuntarily curling into myself, I make no move to respond, wrapping my arms tightly around my abdomen as I look out the window. My lack of response is only going to anger him further, but I can't seem to care anymore.

When we arrive at my apartment, he's tossing me in as soon as the doors unlocked. He pulls me back to him so harshly I can hear the fabric of my sweater tearing as he scrunches it in his fists. I subconsciously put my hands up, trying to get away from him.

He heeds my movements, shoving me away just as harshly as he had pulled me in. The action is so sudden that I'm thrown off balance, taking  a moment to recollect myself before turning back to him.

I go to say something, but have no time to contemplate my words as something is hurled at me. I try my best to dodge it, but my actions are in vain as the object meets my eye.

The left side of my face radiates in pain as I fall backwards into the wall, my hands flying up to my injury as I try not to cry. I look down at the object and see my favorite book was what had been thrown, Jane Eyre... my manager can't seem to get enough of ruining things I love.

I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I only notice my manager approaching when he already has his thick hand wrapped around my throat, thus pinning me to the wall I've taken solace in. He grabs my wrists with his free hand and forces them up and away from my face. 

I try to observe him as he analyzes my face, his once kind eyes seem so empty, when did that happen? His hair is thinner, and though he's out of shape, he still overpowers me with ease; who is this man before me? I want to look at him more, but the agony of my injury overpowers my wants, eyes stinging as the tears cloud my vision before streaming down along my cheeks.

"You'll need to cover that for tomorrow, I'll bring you a bandage."

Just like that, his hold is gone and he exits the apartment. I'm alone in this apartment, silence settling back into it as the furious tornado that is my manager has left the vicinity. If someone came in, they would think me strange curled up in the corner with tears in my eyes; no one ever sees who causes them, but they always have an opinion.

___

He did as he said, bringing me a roll of Coban with some gauze so I could pad my eye against the adhesive bandage. I hadn't look at my eye throughout the night, not wanting to see the damage, but knowing it must look bad as my eye had swollen shut. 

I wanted to assume the mirror was lying to me like everyone else does, but I know it wasn't.

The bruising was light as it hasn't been more than a day, the contusion will darken later on as it fully forms; the swelling wasn't as bad as I assumed, my eyelids were definitely swollen, but I could peel them open slightly to view the sclera flooded in red due to burst blood vessels. Brushing those thoughts away, my manager shoves open the bathroom door and grabs the bandages from my grasp, grumbling about me taking to long as he wraps my injuries.

The car ride there is a stark contrast compared to yesterday, the silence was almost more eerie than when he yells, but I try not to think to hard on it.

Anxiety bubbles up in my throat as he parks the car and exits, what will they say? This is opening the door to unwanted questions, what if they find out my manager abuses me? What if they take his side?? I don't get too much time to think as my door is opened by my manager as he signals for me to get out. I do as told, hesitantly walking into the building after he enters.

The building is thankfully not nearly as crowded as yesterday, today only requires the actors/actresses, costume designers, and music producers to be present. 

I stand there silently as I wait for the group to be called to focus, but I'm disrupted from daydreaming as I feel someone tap my shoulder. I turn around, coming face to face with the director, Nicolas Roeg.

"Hey Y/N, you're manager called yesterday and explained that you got injured while playing with your cousins. I know how head injuries can be, so let me know if you start getting headaches, or if the noise or environment gets too overwhelming. Alright?" This man, he was so nice over the phone when asking if I wanted to be a part of this project, how could I forget him, especially after how kind he's being now?

I grace him with a thankful smile, nodding my head. He smiles back, giving my shoulder a pat in reassurance before turning away and walking to converse with someone else. I am about to go back to dissociating when another tap is felt, I want to sigh, but halt my actions when I meet eyes - well, eye - with David Bowie.

I can tell he had his words prepared before walking over, but I feel like they abandoned him as soon as I turned around. I can only assume it has something to do with my lovely injury, I know for a fact that I alone cannot leave a man speechless.

"Darling, what happened?" He's concerned, that much was audible, but I know I need to make that dissipate if I don't want my manager to have a repeat of last night.

"Oh this... it's er, nothing, happened while I was rough housing with my cousins." My lie was almost seamless, but the hesitation in my words at the beginning was noticed by him, the squint in his eyes at my words gave that much away.

"I'm fine, honestly David, no need to worry about me." I voice, trying harder to get him to put this on the back burner. He's conflicted, eyes glinting with so many different emotions I can't seem to keep up. Luckily though, he bows his head slightly and nods at my words. I can tell he's still uncertain, but at least he's stopped talking about it. 

I didn't try to avoid him the rest of the day per say, but we were working on two very different parts of the film; he was the lead Actor, and I was working on the film scores as well as dabbling in the costume design. We weren't around each other very often, and if we were, they were but fleeting moments.

He had me cornered during our lunch break actually, but my manager put a quick stop to that, dragging me away to talk with some fans outside; at this point, I think he's doing everything in his power to keep David and myself separate.

The hours go by, Roeg and my manager keeping me plenty busy. I would say that I barely noticed my injury all day apart from the constant headaches and dull ache that seemed to keep building up the longer the day went on.

I know Roeg said to tell him when it was getting bad, but let's be honest, my manager would have my other eye if I said anything. 

As the day is coming to an end, people begin leaving, my manager says we can go after he uses the restroom. He fixes me with a hard look before going in, basically telling me,'do something stupid, and we'll have a rerun of last night.' His eyes looked so dark I felt a nervous chill run down my back as I took a step back.

"Y/N!" I hear a voice call, turning around to be met with that same fedora as yesterday.

"David..." I greet uneasily, glancing back to the restroom in fear my manager will walk out at anytime. David seems to catch on and speeds past the pleasantries.

"Listen, I'm going to the preview tonight if you'd like to join me, I can pick you up tonight if that's alright with you?" His offer is said with such a hopeful voice and sweet look that I almost agree right then and there, but then reality stabs me in the back.

"Y/N." That voice nearly startle me out of my skin with how hard I jumped. My shoulders turn stiff as I look back and watch as my manager stalks closer, gripping my shoulder before steering me to the door.I turn my head quickly, making eye contact with David and his crestfallen face, giving a smile with a slight head nod to confirm his plans. I watch for a second as joy encapsulates his face before I'm forced out the door into the obnoxious environment of Los Angeles.

My manager leaves early, stating he has a meeting to get to before the day ends, leaving me alone in my apartment. He usually stays gone until the morning, that of which I'm thankful for, or else I would never be able to have David pick me up. 

He arrives when it's already dark, around 7 pm when the last streaks of sunlight are dissipating. His driver goes to get out, but David beats him to it, walking over and opening the door for me before getting back in on his side. We both sit in the back and his chauffeur takes us to the movie theatre. It was a quiet ride, I think he could notice how jittery and uneasy I was; he held my hand and offered a comforting smile, reassuring me until we felt the car halt.

We sat in the back, hoping no one would notice our presence. The movie was good, it held my attention the whole time - well, at least until David nudged me, motioning with his head for us to leave. I do as told, standing and following him as he led me down the hallways and back into the main room.

"Whats wrong?" I ask, unsure why we left half-way through the film.

"Nothing, I just want to spend some time alone with you." He states, before grasping my hand, leading me outside and down the quiet sidewalks. Los Angeles at night is better at night I would say, a little more quiet with much better weather.

There is a hint of a breeze though, sending light shivers down my back whenever a gust came my way. My clothes aren't really the best for this weather, a knee length dress with only a feathery shawl to protect my shoulders.

"Oh, I'm sorry darling, I should've told you to bring a jacket." He voices guiltily, detaching our hands before shrugging off his suit jacket. He stops me from walking, grabbing my shoulders and turning me to face him as he wraps the large jacket around my thin frame.

It swallows me up, a blush tinting my cheeks in embarrassment, I must look ridiculous to this man. David notices the blush, a wide grin spreading over his face at how adorable the site before him is.

"I must look ridiculous..." I say, looking down self-consciously. David simply huffs and removes his hat and placing it delicately atop my head, it's much too large, sliding down over my eyes and blocking my sight. He laughs gently, angling the hat so that I can see again, his toothy grin being the first sight I'm met with.

"You look adorable." Is all he says, wrapping his arm comfortingly over my shoulders before continuing to walk us down the street. I can confidently state that my blush has not faded throughput the entire exchange.

We both remain silent, simply enjoying the presence of the other as we saunter down the pavement. We pass many quiet cafes still open, him stepping to the left and halting as he opens the door to a warm cafe. I cautiously enter, removing the hat and surveying the interior closely.

A young woman sits sleepily at the register, the only other people being a middle-aged couple at a table against the wall. The lights have a warm hue to them, complementing the earthy tones of the walls and tables.

Glancing back at David, he offers a soft smile, resting his hand on my lower back before leading me to the register. The woman quickly writes down my order, not looking up until both myself and David have ordered.

I hold my breath when I notice that familiar glint in her eye, backing up subconsciously in fear she will shout our names and alert someone to our presence. If the paparazzo found out I'm here, and accompanied by David Bowie no less! The scandal would be horrific.

David holds me steadily in comfort as he smiles at the woman, he holds a finger against his lips to stop her, I glance at her in worry that she still might scream. She looks overwhelmed in excitement, but breathes deeply to calm herself down when she notices my reaction.

"Sorry! I just love both of you so much!" She whispers happily, still in shock of meeting two of her favorite artists. I feel the tension in my shoulders lessen as she only whispers in excitement.

"Thank you, it's nice to meet you to." David says politely, nodding to her before leading me away and to a table cozied up in a corner.

Our night was wonderful, David and I talked the night away, enjoying multiple drinks the longer we stayed up. I've never felt so at ease with another person, and we could converse for an extended amount of time without awkward silences or uncomfortable glances; how could someone so wonderful seek me out for company? Is this a blessing from God, or is Satan about to take him away from me.

___

After that night, I've looked forward to seeing him everyday, a smile gracing both of our features whenever our eye(s) meet, but we are both swept away. My manager found out about my late night escapade rather easily seeing as I didn't return to my apartment and was instead brought to work by David(no nothing happened, I fell asleep during the car ride back, and David decided it would be easier to just take me to his home instead of go up into an apartment building while trying to find my keys).

My manager was thoroughly pissed, but his physical punishments still didn't deter me from seeing David, but he always did know how to ruin a good thing. The movie was over, it had already been in theatres and what we were attending wasn't required work anymore; my manager took full advantage of that, signing me up with another director to work with them on film scores.

This new job took me across the country into New York, the director was very well known, Martin Scorsese, and the film was Taxi... Taxi Driver I think. It sounded interesting I guess, maybe a little on point for it being called Taxi Driver and set in New York. 

I didn't even get to say goodbye to David, my manager had dropped the news on me the night before I was to fly to New York. I didn't have anyway to contact David, but I'm not even sure if he would want to stay in contact... Either way, I'm leaving tomorrow whether I like it or not.

_______

1982

It's been a little while since I've agreed to do another film score since Taxi Driver, that film was surprisingly fun compared to my last experience, but maybe that's because my manager wasn't there with me most of the time.

None of that matters anymore though, after the success of taxi driver I fired that abusive prick, and I honestly couldn't be happier. I focused solely on my albums and dropped 7 of them throughout the past few years. I took a break from movies, I was too young for them and the change of environment when I was 19, but now I'm 26 and feel ready to face the world.

I don't actually know a lot about this film, other than the title and one of the actors/film scorers. I believe the film is called Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence? The actor/musician I'm talking about is Ryuichi Sakamoto, and he's honestly the main reason I took this job; my albums blew up and have been making me a fortune, so this is really just for fun and the experience.

I'm walking down the road, suitcase in hand, trying to figure out how the hell to walk in sand. I'm about halfway to the hotel when I hear someone approaching from my side. I don't turn to them, hoping they'll keep moving and we won't have to awkwardly introduce ourselves.

"...(Y/N)? Is that really you!" What? I.. I know that voice. I turn to them, eyes wide as I watch a face from the past stride over to me, face plastered with a wide grin.

"David?" At the sound of my voice, his strides turned into bounds pretty much, I could see he was truly ecstatic at seeing me, and it would be a lie to say I don't feel the same.

I start walking towards him, dropping my suitcase as we embrace. How could I not? This man, this wonderful man that changed me for the better, made me see that my life was worth more. You beautiful man, I'll never disappear again, I promise.

[coraniaid]

🔥Scooby Gang

Unpopular opinion ask game

(Better two months late than never?)

So … my slightly flippant answer is that I think “the Scooby Gang” is honestly not the best of names for the group of Buffy’s friends who know about her being the Slayer and help her out sometimes.  Partly because I think it’s a bit clunky to actually say it, but also because, well, try googling it.  Any group name where you have to specify the name of the source material is just a bit rubbish, I think.  

Also the reference itself doesn’t really work, does it?  The original Scooby Gang travels around the country, proving that supposed supernatural hauntings are actually hoaxes being carried out by mundane criminals and property owners, and they don’t really have an obvious leader.  The Buffyverse Scooby Gang … are all stuck in one place, the monsters they investigate are real, and they do have an obvious leader.

They should’ve stuck with Willow’s original suggestion of the Slayerettes.

A bit less flippantly … uh. I don’t think I have an unpopular take on the Scoobies as a collective, actually.  I mean, I think people who complain about them being bad friends or not really caring about Buffy are wrong – or at least viewing their actions in a deliberately uncharitable light in a way I don’t agree with – but at the same time I don’t think this is actually a majority opinion.  Or at least I curate my dash well enough that I see people arguing against it more often than I actually see the take itself.

So quick fire unpopular opinions about each of them, in no particular order, below the cut:

Jenny: I like Jenny a lot, but I kind of hate the retcon that she was sent to Sunnydale to spy on Angel and make sure he didn’t get his soul back.  Partly because of the jarringly racist way this retcon is presented and handled, partly because it’s so obviously nonsense (Jenny mentions Angel all of … what, once, before this retcon?) and partly because it ruins the much more interesting version of Jenny Calendar the technopagan with a life of her own that the show had implied existed before this.  And for what?  To deliver some exposition that the show could have presented dozens of other ways?  So that Giles and Jenny can break up again and Giles can be sad when she dies? 

Oz: I was genuinely surprised to see how well Oz did in the recent character polls because he is just kind of flat and boring to me.  He’s one of the more laid back people in the show, sure, and if he was a real person I think he would be fun to hang out and exchange terse monosyllables with, but he doesn’t really have any character arc to speak of until … well, whatever off-screen stuff actually happened that ended up with him getting written out in Season 4.

(I think there is a potentially interesting character to be made out of the fragments of Oz we see, but I don't think the show ever puts them together in a way that means anything.  He’s just Willow’s Nice Quirky Boyfriend, then he decides he needs to leave town and he’s gone forever.)

Cordelia: I like Cordelia, both on Buffy and on Angel, but she’s often really genuinely unpleasant in the early seasons of the show and it’s kind of grating when people pretend she isn’t?

I mean, I think I get why people talk about her the way they do (it’s partly that people are instinctively prone to like the character because of what Charisma Carpenter went through because of Joss Whedon; it’s partly because Cordelia gets a lot of character development and emotional growth and does become one of the most well-realized and heroic characters in the setting; and it’s partly because as early as Season 1's Welcome To The Hellmouth we are primed to sympathize with Cordelia because of the way Jesse acts around her).  Cordelia is always somewhat likable.  But she’s not nice.

When Cordelia bullies Willow for dressing badly or not having any friends, or when she brings up Xander’s abusive family or poverty in order to humiliate him in front of his friends, or when she ostracizes and shames Buffy for being different from everyone else (“I have to call everyone I have ever met, right now”), it’s not because she’s just a pure-hearted innocent who isn’t afraid to tell the truth.  It’s because she’s trying her best to be hurtful and being good at it.  It feels like it’s belittling the actual character growth she goes through to pretend that this isn’t what’s happening.

Tara:  Uh.  I don’t think I have any unpopular opinions about Tara.  Honestly I’m not even sure what unpopular opinions about Tara a person could have.  Tara’s great.

Okay, not an opinion about Tara herself as such, but I get kind of irked when people try to talk up Buffy/Faith by talking down Willow/Tara.  I mean people who complain about the latter being boring or being censored by the network.  (The latter take especially is weird, because however sanitized one thinks Willow and Tara’s relationship is, it’s a lot more textual and explicit than whatever Buffy and Faith have going on.)  

I don’t actually know how common that is outside of my dash, but I’ve seen it a few times and it just feels kind of tacky to me.  Sure, Willow and Tara have a different dynamic than Buffy and Faith, and it’s not quite as compelling from a narrative perspective to many people – including me! –  but they are nice.

Anya: I like Anya; I think she’s often poorly served by the narrative and I think her death is really stupid and unsatisfying but … well, I guess those aren’t unpopular opinions. 

I do think the frequent jokes about Anya being an ardent capitalist are kind of grating and don’t really make sense.  Anya isn’t some time traveler from The World Before Shops: she’s centuries old and clearly spent a lot of her time as a vengeance demon blending in with ordinary humans, as we see in Season 3's The Wish and then again in various flashbacks.  She shouldn’t suddenly be surprised by how the 20th century works, because she lived through it.  If she’s weirdly obsessed by capitalism (or what the Buffy writers think capitalism is), that should be an interest going back centuries.  She can’t possibly just have noticed it after becoming human. Her very first scene in the show, while she's still a demon, establishes she knows things about fashion and buying clothes! Well enough to impress Cordelia!

(Yeah, a lot of this is just that the Anya from Season 4 onwards isn’t really the same character as Anya from Season 3, I know.)

Giles: So it annoys me a little to realize this about myself, but the truth is that Giles is one of two characters in the show I’ve accepted that I like quite a lot less because of how the fandom at large talks about them.  I don’t particularly like being a contrarian, and I do still like Giles as a character, but I don’t like either flavor of Fandom Giles (either Giles the Perfect Dad or the Giles Who Is Compelled To Do Bad Things But Is Just So Sad About Them).

Whenever I see posts that focus exclusively on how tragic it is for Giles that he just had to drug Buffy and lie to her about it and almost get her killed, or how awful he must have felt when he abandoned her in Season 6, or how Jenny’s murder was so sad because of how it made Giles feel  I just think … okay, you’re not exactly wrong, but you wouldn’t talk about a character who does half the things Giles does in this way if they were a middle-aged woman.  And I know that for a fact because I’ve seen the way the fandom talks about Joyce Summers. 

Xander: I think the idea of Xander as a (very) repressed bisexual teenager makes a lot of sense of what we see from the character: things like his constant interest in how attractive Buffy’s boyfriends are and his repeated attempts to prove how “manly” he is.   It is a reading I believe is at least somewhat intentional, it is a reading that I like, and it is one that (combined with the hints we get about what his family are like over the course of the show) makes some of the way he behaves in the early seasons a lot more sympathetic.

However. I simply don’t believe there was ever any chance of the show having Xander actually come out.  I know that the official line is that one of Willow and Xander was always going to be gay, and that the decision as to which of them it was was made very late on, but I think that’s just a (fairly obvious) self-serving lie.

Look at how the show treats Larry – literally the only out gay man on the show in its whole seven seasons (except, maybe, Scott Hope).  Comes out in season 2, dead by the end of season 3, never once seen dating or expressing romantic or sexual attraction to another man, never mourned.  There are several other characters (Ethan Rayne and Andrew Wells being the obvious two) who are strongly implied to be attracted to men, sure, but this is always, aways played for laughs.  (Even Larry coming out is treated like a punchline.)

I think the chance of the writers having Xander ever start seriously dating other men (or even talking about finding them attractive in ways that couldn't be played off as a joke) was always basically zero and honestly it’s a little disingenuous to pretend otherwise.  The show is simply too mired in the period-typical homophobia of late 90s network television for things to be otherwise.

Willow: Sort of an inverse of the Oz take earlier: I was surprised by how badly Willow did in the recent character contests.  I think she’s pretty clearly the second-best written character in the show (just after Buffy herself).

That said, I guess my most unpopular Willow take is I think it’s kind of sad that she doesn’t go to a better college than Sunnydale U?  I think it is entirely in character that she would go to the same college as Buffy, and even that she would try to convince herself this wasn’t just because she was trying to help Buffy, but I still think it’s a mistake that she comes to regret.  If I were Willow’s friend in Season 3 – or, perhaps more to the point, one of her teachers – I would have tried pretty hard to talk her out of it. 

The show tries to present Willow’s decision to stay in Sunnydale as being an unquestionable positive, at least in Season 3’s Choices – and not just an excuse for Alyson Hannigan to stay on the show – but I’m not really convinced.  Okay, Willow doesn’t just want to help Buffy, but wants to “fight evil, help people” and “what better place?” is there to learn magic.  Let’s pretend to believe this is why she's staying in town.

The thing is though – as Season 4 makes clear – Sunnydale U is actually a terrible place to learn magic.  It’s only by luck that Willow meets even a single other witch, while off in England there are whole covens who would be delighted to teach her.  And the idea that fighting evil means staying in Sunnydale is a bit hard to defend too, given that this is the season of the show that establishes that there are other Hellmouths (in The Wish) and given that the season ends with Angel leaving town for LA to … uh, fight the forces of evil.  Which it turns out you can do pretty much anywhere.  Including, presumably, in places like Harvard or Oxford (where, in reality, there’s quite a lot of evil to be fought).

I don’t think this is an intentional reading of the show, but I do think you can see this choice as a sign of how little positive adult guidance there is in Willow’s life.  (We see just enough of her parents to know how neglectful they are.)   The show tells us that Giles wants Buffy to be able to go to Northwestern and get out of Sunnydale, but he doesn’t bat an eye at Willow turning down the chance to leave?  Other than Buffy, does Willow have anybody to discuss her choice with, even if she wanted to?

Yes, sure, in real life you don’t have to go to the “best” colleges just because you can and academic prestige isn’t the most important thing in the world and blah blah blah.  I agree!  And I know some people think this choice the show makes is empowering or inspiring.  But I think Willow personally would be happier somewhere where she was actually academically challenged, or somewhere she could actually be taught magic properly rather than illicitly teaching herself against the advice and wishes of her girlfriend and her ex-librarian.)

Again, I’m not saying the show should have had Willow leave.  I understand why they didn’t (even though part of me loves the idea of a spin-off Willow series where Willow goes to Oxford and the Bullingdon Club play the role of Wolfram & Hart).  But I’m not really on board with the popular idea that Willow going to the same second-rate college that Buffy is forced to settle for (and that Buffy gets to be sad about having to go to!) is actually a good thing.

[chainsawcorazon]

i was crushed when angel said buffy could handle herself in home bc like….. she wasn’t. she was drowning, but it’s not like he could read her mind. buffy repressed until the very end until she was finally released from being the only one with the sacred duty, whereas even tho angel DID come back to help her, he didn’t overstay. im glad she wasn’t the one who put him back on the right path in s5 bc not only were they not ready to talk just yet, but angel did not come into his own, not even in not fade away. the story of buffy and angel is a decades-long one, and i think angel needed a LOT more time to come into his OWN power, whereas buffy was finally released from hers in chosen. even tho los angeles burned in not fade away, im glad he had to go at it knowing his friends were mostly dying if not dead. if the metaphor is to suffer until the end, then suffering it is. im much more appreciative of cordelia’s part in angel’s story now bc truth be told, angel’s story was too difficult for joss to tell in just a few seasons. here’s a man whose devil never really dies because HE is the devil, and until angel can learn to mourn his losses without implementing a new timeline every time things just Do Not Go His Way, he’s never going to become human. he hates himself too much, is willing to have a hissy fit at every turn, can’t handle his losses and CANNOT deal with his goddamn emotions to save his undead life. even tho i believe not fade away would have been different if we got a season six, we didn’t NEED a season six. you couldn’t tell angel’s redemption in five or even ten seasons. his sins are aplenty, and what he deserves is up for debate, but what we DO know is that he’s not ready to become human again. he’s got to love a hundred more people and lose them, deal his catholic guilt and resolve his religious trauma, work out the daddy issues and own that he’s used and abused people both without and WITH a soul, come out of the closet and admit he enjoys sex with both men and women and demons, admit there’s a part of him that’s always craved finality and death, and ACCEPT that he IS a monster at heart.

and that monsters have a choice too. to DO good, not BE good, bc even after five seasons of angel and three seasons of buffy, angel still had to struggle with the concept of what’s inherent vs what’s learned. he never really forgave himself for anything, and sometimes he got too much of a pass to put his sins to rest by establishing a couple of new timelines, but like, hey, he’s both a champion and a harbinger of the apocalypse, right?

until he chooses to be a champion for good. until he can forgive himself for his sins and accept that angelus is a part OF him and not a piece to repress forever. if buffy’s story is a metaphor for the inevitable agonies of adolescence and the crushing loneliness that comes with it, then angel’s metaphor is that the past never really dies. and you can’t kill it, but you can’t brood and repress it either. bc redemption isn’t eating rats in a sewer for a couple of decades, just like establishing new timelines doesn’t erase the fact that he’d killed his son to save innocent lives and ruined his chances of being buffy’s human househusband. the fight is forever, forever working on yourself and helping the helpless, and finally accepting that even he himself is just a human being, and that it’s a CHOICE to wake up and do good everyday. angel wasn’t ready for that. he might not be for a long, long time, but trust, when he finally grows the fuck up and can introduce himself as liam at the town christmas party without buckling down in shame, buffy will be right at the center of the dance floor, waiting for him.

[oncyprusshores]

Religious Trauma and the Fundamentalist Doomsday Cult

Content Warning: Pretty heavy discussion of doomsday fundamentalism and emotional abuse I’ve tried writing three different topics this morning, and none of them were working out. I wanted to touch on some aspect of Christianity that I believe is failing our generation, but my brain just couldn’t make the words. In all my drafts, though, I noticed a theme. And if I’ve been subconsciously using that theme this whole time, maybe it’s what my brain wants to write about.  There are so many reasons I believe the modern church is struggling (and rightfully so), but I suppose the biggest, most obvious, one is simply that those of us who grew up in fundamentalism have been pushed away.  I grew up in a small pentacostal church (yes, the snake handling kind). Looking at it now, it feels like a doomsday cult.  Countless sermons about the coming of Christ, media hype surrounding blood moons suggesting that the world was ending soon, watch parties for Left Behind, year-long studies of Revelations, and this one man who every single sunday was possessed by the Holy Ghost to warn us: “Be ready, be ready, be ready”. To this day, even though I don’t believe in Christianity, whenever I hear a loud sudden noise my entire body tenses in fear that it’s the trumpet of the seventh angel about to show up and prove everything I believe is wrong. Of course I don’t think that will happen. If I thought it was a genuine possibility that Jesus Christ could appear at any moment and throw my soul to hell, I probably wouldn’t have dedicated my soul to Aphrodite. But that is what effective brainwashing does. That is what true emotional abuse does, it sinks it’s claws into you so deep that your mind is changed forever from it. And, also characteristic to abuse, if I said this to any of the people responsible for it I would be gaslit.  “You’re just feeling convicted.” This is the most insidious line in Christianity. My rational brain knows, of course, that me hearing bullshit I hate and wanting to turn it off is NOT in fact my soul feeling convicted- it simply means I am hearing bullshit I hate and I’d rather not spend my time thinking about it! But in the heat of the moment, when you’re face to face with your own mother, your emotional response is immediately guilty.  I know it’s wrong, I know it’s not true, I KNOW it’s not right: But that’s abuse. It hijacks your mind, your normal through processes, and all you can feel is conditioned sympathy for the abuser.  But of course it goes deeper than that. I’m still scarred in so many other ways.  I grew up constantly being told there was no future. To this day whenever I muse about ‘oh I wonder what this place’ll look like in ten years’ around my parents I’m met  with “the world probably wont be here by next year”. Without fail. Every time. I have to actively convince them to just imagine a hypothetical scenario where the apocalypse doesn’t come tomorrow just to talk about something as mundane as “hey do you think this mall is still gonna be around?”

I thought that I would never get to discover true love, I would never get to have my first kiss, I would never be married, I would never get to be a mother, I would never even get to drive a car. Hell, I was ten years old- That mindset hit everything! I would pray to Jesus asking him to not come back until after Pokemon Black and White came out. I laid awake at night thinking, ‘oh man I’ll never get to see a Star Wars Episode 7″. I couldn’t bring myself to watch trailers for upcoming things because it’d just make me sad I probably wouldn’t get to experience them! (Now I wonder if that’s the underlying reason I don’t watch game trailers outside of E3 and actively try not to get hyped for anything).  I’ve also had Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was 10. Yeah, that didn’t fucking help.  In many Christian circles, they just assume the end of all things is imminent. And when that is the most popular religion on the planet... Yeah! That’s how you get things like manmade climate change! That’s how you have those in power justify exploitation and colonization! Towards the end of my mandatory church services, the pastor could tell he was losing me. To keep my attention, he offered me a regular spot to write in the church newsletter. The very first thing I wrote was titled “DOOMSDAY”, an article wherein I simply argued, “Yes, Christ is coming. But it’s awful for our mental health and makes our life decisions shortsighted if we just assume there is no tomorrow.” Sorry, did I say that was ‘the first thing’ I wrote? That language was a bit misleading, it was also the last thing. They declined to publish it, told me to forget about the offer, and never went to me for anything ever again.  So if I wanted to profile a reason why Christianity is failing, I guess I ended up doing that. When you create an environment like that, when you operate on the basis that the world is ending next tuesday (no matter how many times tuesday comes), when you actively choose to refuse anything that even slightly challenges your world view- Yeah, that’s when your religion fails.

That’s how your weekly church article writer grows up and writes to extol the virtue of the Gods you tried to bury. 

[lostonehero]

Ok let's try this again

This is a time travel au

Hopefully I won't accidentally delete it again.

"Checkmate." The man with purple eyes smiles.

The taller man sighs. "Alright, I'll give you this one, father."

"Why the sudden visit? You were just here, Micheal." William sighs, leaning back into the gray setting of purgatory. "Do you want another tragic tale of me being forced by your mother."

Micheal frowns and shakes his head, resetting the board. "I need advice."

"From me?" William raised his brow. "I'm the he last person you should ask."

"Well as you know I'm a demon."

"Of your own making Micheal."

Micheal sighs. "As I am well aware." He smiles, moving a pawn forward. "I can not visit any spirit in the afterlife except purgatory."

"I am aware of that fact." William sighs. "And I will be here for a long while."

"Your sentence is half over." Micheal smiles. "However, that isn't why I'm here. Something is happening two spirits who have moved to their respective paradises have vanished. It's not Lucy's doing, nor any of the angels. Not even the reapers understand. Something keeps trying to summon me, and it's getting stronger. Nobody has my summoning circle to draw from. I'm a new demon. I shouldn't even have one. I'm Lucy's right hand."

"So what's the question, Micheal?" William sighs flicking over his king.

"What do I do when I'm summoned?" Micheal cleans up the board. "I don't want to take anyone's soul well, be stuck for eternity with said soul. I haven't been trained or taught how to accomplish that."

William leans back. "Would you be able to refuse the contract?"

"No, if they make the circle proper, I won't be able to do anything until I agree, or they send me away. I could just return the soul after the deal, but they would be doomed to hell without a choice unless it was a child who summoned me. Consenqueses is infamous for dealing with children to save them from abuse and setting them free after. This isn't a child."

"Stop fighting. I have a feeling something more is happening." William pauses, looking around. "Things have changed here."

"Purgatory doesn't change." Micheal sighs, waving away the board. "Even by the end, it's the same."

"Something is going to happen." William gets up and goes to give Micheal a hug, but he watches his son get dragged down into an abyss.

Demons can't be summoned when they are in purgatory, William knew this. Something was very wrong.

....

Micheal shuddered her and looked down he was in a summoning circle, and a child summoned him. He nearly breathed a sigh of relief before the child spoke.

Speaking in German but Micheal understood. "Micheal David Afton, I have summoned you to forever be bound to my own soul. For better or worse, you shall be by my side for eternity."

Micheal unable to refuse when his full name is used, shakes the boys hand, and they both have matching marks on their chest. He finally realizes he looks to be the same age as the child, but that was impossible even a deal like this wouldn't affect his age.

"Micheal." The blonde boy speaks up.

Micheal turned his attention to him. He recognized the clothing he was in as something Evan had and his mom hated because they... we his old hamydowns.

"Micheal!" The boy shouts.

Micheal finally looks up at the boy, who pulls him into a hug.

"I fucking knew it." It was hard to understand English in the thick accent.

"Knew what?" A German child of his age shouldn't know English nor curse words in English.

"Micheal, it's me, Jeremy. Do you have any idea how many hoops I had to jump through to figure out where you went? After the fire with Mr. Emily, we freed them and moved on. We both learned the truth of the past and about your father, and I'm so sorry."

"But how are you here, and a child? Why am I a child?" Micheal stops. "Why do you even want me after everything?"

Jeremy sighs. "Quiet, my father is in a drunken sleep. It's 1975... I don't know how I got here. I was happily dead trying to sneak into hell. I never loved anyone really like you after you died, even with my head injury I tried. Then I ran into Mr. Emily, and helped with his plan. I still love you even if you don't feel the same."

"Wait, what do you mean it's 1975?" Micheal pulls Jeremy closer, still not used to his small frame.

"Well, it's that, and we're in Germany." Jeremy pauses. "I forgot I don't meet you till I'm 13 when my mom finally escapes from my father abuse. You have a cute tail. Right, right off topic. Anyway... hey, wait, what's with that look?"

A mix of German and Yiddish from the adult blonde woman by them summons a redhead.

Micheal hissed.

Jeremy pauses. "Mom?"

....

Micheal's eyes glow along with the red head crouched in front of him until Micheal whips him with his tail. "Stop it."

The man stands up and looks back to the blonde woman. "I accept your contract. We are bound for eternity." He snaps his fingers, and the woman has a mark on the back of her shoulder. "You were freed of my contract, but this.... you will live in luxury in death."

Micheal growls, and then his expression changes. "Fuck Jeremy your mom is the little girl Consequences allowed her to keep in contact with him. That was suppose to be a myth."

"You come from the future, yet you are here." He pauses.

The woman scowls. "Explain everything now."

Consequences explains what he has done and what he has seen, Micheal fills in the rest.

........

It's a week when Micheal realizes he is missing. The news makes it to Germany in a magazine. He pulls on Jeremy's hand in the grocery store and realizes how fucked he is.

So they come up with a plan. Jeremy convinces his mom, and it works out. Consenqueses easily gets them a place on the same road as Micheal's father and Jeremy's mother Jackie a high position as a surgeon in the same town. For Micheal Consenqueses gives him a survivable scoop injury. He's found by a search party clinging to life, while conveniently Jackie just started at the hospital in trauma.

....

William is frantic, Clara refused to come claiming the baby was more important, saying this wasn't him, wasn't Micheal, but they had the same scar on his face, and his eyes matched. Henry was by his side through this hell of a week. He seemed closer to him more touchy, but he didn't care Micheal his son was ok.

Jackie stumbled forward. She hated operating on children even if he was a demon, and even if he was an adult in a child's body. The tall brunette with piercing green eyes approached her. "You must be Mr. Afton, your son suffered a massive trauma to his mouth and abdomen, as if they cut from his navel to his collar bone and ripped his mouth open at the lips. However, he will live. He's a lucky child to be found when he was. He's in intensive care and you won't be able to visit him until tomorrow."

William pulls her into a tight hug. "You saved him." He was crying. "You saved my little boy."

Jackie smiles, rubbing his back. "He has a very long recovery. I hope you can handle that."

"Of course anything, I'll do anything for his health." William, let's go. "Could I wait here?"

Jackie smiles. "The chairs are bad for your back, but if you so desire, yes."

William nods, rubbing his eyes and heading back to his seat next to Henry. "He's going to be ok. Henry, he's going to be ok."

Henry smiles and hugs William. "Yes I'm so happy for you.

.......

William had fallen asleep in the hospital chair, and Henry frowned. This didn't happen, Micheal never went missing, and he was never hurt like this. He knows what was supposed to happen was Micheal was left on the side of the road by Clara, and a good Samaritan brought him to the diner. Well, he didn't know Clara left him there until after the fact.

He woke up a week ago, alive, and next to his ex wife who he knew now was cheating on him from the start, but Charlie was his, well she would always be his, but biologically speaking. He sighs, crossing his arms. How did he end up in the past? He was going to stop this whole tragedy from unfolding, and he will finally confess to William, he never realized his feelings till after William was dead, but now he had a second chance and he was going to use it. He just had to figure out why the past was different.

Henry was deep in thought he didn't notice the blonde child sit next to him. "Mr. Emily."

Henry nearly jumps. "I'm sorry, are you lost, little one?" He noted the thick accent.

"No, but the plan worked." He smiles. "We figured out who else came back."

Henry pauses. "Who are you?"

"Ah, right, you don't recognize me." He pauses. "I'm not actually supposed to be here until I'm 13, in the original timeline. It's me, Jeremy Fitzgerald, I helped finally put a end to things, and I was the second bite victim."

Henry pauses. "Jeremy? What do you mean we?"

"Well, Micheal came back too, but it's my fault he was in Germany. We didn't realize he was actually missing until we saw something in an American magazine in a grocery store. So we came up with a plan to get him back without being suspicious. He said being scooped would be poetic. I said we should have faked a kidnapping. Micheal got his way." Jeremy sighs and yawns. "Mom fixed him up."

Henry nods. "That's all well and good, but how?"

"Consenqueses." Jeremy mumbles, nodding off he still had the body of a 5 year old even with the mind of an adult.

Henry sighs, letting the boy fall asleep on him. At least he had a piece to the puzzle on why things were different. He just needed more information.

A thick accent pulls Henry out of his thoughts, and the woman who was talking to William earlier was in front of him.

"I'm so sorry, my boy has a way of running off. He was supposed to be in the break room we just moved here and our home isn't set up and he begged to come here I didn't know about the surgery. I'm so sorry." She is still in scrubs with a mask around her neck.

Henry shakes his head. "I have a little girl around his age. it's fine. Granted, she gets into all sorts of trouble, so I understand." He can recall Jeremy telling him his mother was a surgeon.

She sighs in relief. "The move has been a nightmare, and then you're rushed into working, and I'm sorry."

"You can make it up to me." Henry smiles. "My little girl Charlotte is about his age. How about letting him come over. She has a habit of grossing other kids out, so it's been difficult to find her friends with kids her age. Uh, Micheal, the boy you operated on, is friends with her because his father and I are business partners. we run the diner down the road, the one with the animotronics. Your son would like it there."

She sighs and smiles. "We did just move, and it would be good for him. Thank you, you are very kind."

"It's Henry, and don't worry, your son is very kind."

"I'm Jackie, and that's great." She fumbles and writes down her address. "We just moved here."

Henry smiles. "Perfect right down the road from me and then William. I look forward to our children becoming friends."

"As do I." Jackie smiles and picks up her sleeping son. "Thank you for staying with him, and your friend is lucky to have support in this troubling time."

Henry nods. "His wife is home with the new baby, and I don't think I could trust him by himself with the weight of this."

"You are a good friend, Henry. I must be going now, but this was pleasant." Jackie smiles, Jeremy just had to go along, and they could seamlessly enter the neighborhood. She was free from abuse, and even if she was stuck with a demon who followed her every command, and, her son was technically an adult in a child's body. She felt happy like she could finally breathe. Even if she was in a whole new country across the ocean.

......

Henry tapped William's arm, waking him. "Hey, come on, wake up."

William opens his eyes and yawns. "What happened? Did you stay all night?"

Henry smiles. "I did go home for a bit." It was a lie, but William didn't have to know that. "You have to eat something." He had some prepackaged sandwich and a fresh coffee in his hands.

William sighs and takes them. "Thank you, Henry. Has Micheal woken up yet?"

"Not that I'm aware of. However, I did call Margaret, and she'll bring Charlie over in a few hours. Micheal needs something familiar when he wakes up, and" He pulls out the already worn plush fox. "You dropped this while you slept."

William grabs it and holds it close. "Thank you so much." He takes a bite of the sandwich. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Henry smiles and sits down next to him, sipping on his own coffee. "Micheal will be up soon. He made it here."

"You're right." William sighs. "I'm going to make him a bigger foxy, more based on the designs we had planned. Is he too old for plush things?"

Henry shook his head, remembering an incident when Micheal was 11 when he was trying to hide the face he still cared for his plush toys greatly. "He will love it."

William nods. "You're right. He's still my baby."

.....

Jackie comes out again, Consequences did a perfect job with their house. She really shouldn't expect less from a demon. She stifles a yawn. "Mr. Afton?"

William jolts up standing, holding the fox plush close to his chest.

Jackie smiles. "Relax, sir, your son is awake. He just finished talking to the police, and he wants to see you."

William nearly trips over his feet, rushing next to the doctor. "I can see him?" Henry was behind him, making sure he didn't fall on his face.

"You both can." Jackie smiles. "Don't excite him his stitches are new, and I don't need him popping the ones by his mouth." She explains a bit more before they reach the door and she opens it.

Micheal is covered in fresh white bandages, and they changed them first thing in the morning. He is alert, and he stares at the door. "Dad!"

William's heart melts, and his legs nearly give out from under him as he rushes to Micheal's side. "My little fox. Are you ok? How are you feeling?"

The little boy looks up. "Mouth is itchy, and the nurses won't let me itch." He motions to the stitches at the corners of his mouth. He reaches out his hands and grabs his fathers hand he forgot just how small he used to be. "Missed you."

Jackie smiles. "He's on very heavy pain killers, so if he says something odd, don't worry.

William smiles and places the fox plush on Micheal's chest. "I brought your friend with you."

"Foxy!" Michealgrabs the plush and holds them tightly. "Mmmh good friend."

William chuckles. "Yes they are you're best friend."

"Nuh uh." Micheal mumbles. "Charlie is. Foxy is my best bed friend."

William smiles, combing the hair out of his son's face. "Of course, my mistake. The doctors say you have to eat something."

"Not hungry." Micheal frowns. "My tummy hurts."

William sighs. "I know, but it's important."

Henry finally approaches. "Hey there, kid, how are you feeling?" He places a hand on William's shoulder.

"Can uh..." Micheal points at his uncle.

William smiles. "Yes, Micheal, your uncle is here with me. What do you want?"

Micheal frowns, pulling on the stitches on his mouth. "Food." He points at Henry again, getting frustrated. Yeah he was an adult acting as a child, but again he had the emotional capacity of a child combined with his well he wouldn't have a proper name until after he died, but autism spectrum disorder. He didn't want to talk, but he also knew he wanted something.

William smiles softly. "It's ok, Micheal." He turns his gaze to Henry, who looks confused. "Henry Micheal wants you to make him something to eat."

Henry pauses, realizing that. "Oh right, I'm so sorry. If the doctors let me, I'll bring you something from home."

Henry watches William go to the corner and shut the lights off, and he watches in amazement as Micheal seems to relax as the frustration bled out of his face. "To bright?"

Micheal yawns, he never did understand how his father always knew, but he always calmed him down. His eyes felt heavy, and his body started to hurt again. He gave in and shut his eyes, falling back asleep.

William smiles. "Come on, Henry. Micheal needs his rest."

Henry nods he never really got to see this side of William the first time around. It was either Clara or Margaret stopping him from visiting more. Margaret never wanted Charlie to be the Tom boy she was, and Clara, well, she hated him. Maybe he should slow down on his advances he knows Micheal cared for Evan, and he wasn't even conceived yet... actually , Clara was already pregnant. Elizabeth was already four months old.

"Henry?" William asked again as they made it to the lobby.

Henry shook his head. "I'm sorry. I got lost in my head. What did you say?"

"I said we should go home and clean up. I'm going to grab my sewing kit and check on Lizzie. Probably shower in between." William sighs.

"Oh, right." Henry rubs the back of his neck. "I'll see you back here with Charlie."

William nods heading back to his car.

.....

"Is Mikey ok?" Charlie poked her head up from the backseat as Henry parked.

"Micheal is very hurt, and he can't play with you." Henry sighs, looking over to his soon to be ex-wife, he heard a different man in the background when he called last night she said was the TV and he knew they didn't have a TV loud enough to sound that clear. How the hell did he not figure it out before?

Margaret held a bag of sandwiches. Henry stuffed with barbecue chicken for Micheal. "Charlotte Micheal got really hurt from a bad man. He just wants to see his friend."

Charlie frowns. "But can we still be friends?"

Henry's heart melted. "Of course, he just needs time to recover, and then you two can play all the time."

Margaret didn't say another word as she exited the car, and Henry got Charlie out of the back seat.

Henry spotted William with that wicked woman and a small redheaded baby on his shoulder waving behind him. "Ah William."

Charlie ran up to the two adults. "Hi, Uncle William and Aunt Clara. When Micheal gets get better? Can we play again?"

Clara looked like she wanted to snatch Elizabeth from William's arms and didn't even notice Charlie. "Do what you want." She ends up taking Elizabeth before William could speak.

William sighs and kneels down. "Of course you can."

Charlie giggles. "Yay." She runs back to Henry, who picks her up.

Henry sighs, he know how Clara thought of Elizabeth and eventually Evan as her perfect little dolls, and Micheal was the mistake. William did his best to care for the other two, but Clara blocked him at every step. "Alright, remember Charlie inside voice, and be gentle."

"Yes, Daddy." Charlie smiles, hugging Henry as they head inside.

......

Micheal was awake again, and the blonde kid Henry had to remember was Jeremy was in one of the guest chairs. Jackie sighs. "I'm so sorry my son tends to be my shadow if I don't pay attention."

William pauses, looking at his son, who was drawing, then crumpled the drawing and threw it at the blonde kid who did the same with his drawing, making his own son giggle. "No, it's fine." He smiles and approaches Micheal. "Hey, little fox, we're back. Who's your new friend?"

"His name is Jeremy. He has a funny accent." Micheal tosses another piece of paper at him.

Jeremy huffs. "You have a weird voice."

"Nu uh." Micheal sticks his tongue out.

Charlie jumps from Henry's arms and before he can stop her. "You both sound weird."

"Nein." Jeremy mumbles.

Charlie giggles. "You're weird. I like that."

Micheal tosses a piece of paper at her. "Now you have to join."

"Join what?" Charlie is on her tip toes to look over the bed.

Jeremy gets up. "We're drawing, and we throw them."

Charlie nods grabbing crayons and a piece of paper joining them two.

Margaret chuckles. "I don't think I've ever seen her so still."

Henry smiles. "We were worried for nothing."

William chuckles. "Your uncle brought you some food."

Micheal looks up. "Can I share?"

Henry nods, taking the bag from Margaret. "I've made more then enough, oh right. Is it alright, I give Jeremy one?"

Jackie pauses. "What is it?"

"Juat some chicken sandwiches." Henry smiles.

Jackie nods. "Go ahead. Jeremy, be nice."

Jeremy nods and responds in German.

"Sorry, he's still getting used to English." Jackie sighs.

William shakes his head as Micheal laughs. "Don't worry about that."

......

Soon, the three 5-year-olds have fallen asleep. Jackie had just returned to check on Micheal. "Ah, he has, oh, they all have fallen asleep." She smiles.

Clara has long left, which means William will have to go back with Henry. Margaret has wondered off to get the kids' drinks, but Henry knew she was flirting with the male nurses. He sighs. "They have all the energy, then they just crash."

"Ah, that's kids for ya." William smiles, working on the outside of the new plush.

Jackie nods. "I hope my son hasn't been too much trouble. I try not to have here often due to my long shifts, but it's hard to find someone to watch him."

"What about your husband?" William asks looking up realizing that was a bad question.

"That man is dead to me. He hit me once and nearly hurt our son. I'm here on my own with him." Jackie sighs.

William nods. "Good for you. I'm sure you'll be able to find someone, once Micheal's home I have to start working at the diner again."

"William, I told you I have that covered. Take the time you need." Henry sighs and smiles.

"I can't do that to you. It's too much for one person." William sighs leaning back. "I'm just glad Micheal's going to be ok, and that's enough."

The two other adults share a look.

.....

Henry sighs William was in the back with Charlie while Margaret was next to him, spotting a few new hickies. Charlie was out cold drooling on her seat belt. He really didn't know what he could say without tipping off Margaret. He needed to get William alone, which would be difficult. He recalled the growing pains of fazebear during this time. Maybe he could use his knowledge of the future to smooth past that with new. animotronics.

Henry sighs, stopping in front of William's home. "I'll see you later." He smiles as William nods, exiting the car.

Margaret sighs. "I'll put Charlie to bed when we get back I know you have to work on the diner."

"I do. I'll grab my toolbox from the house and head off." Henry smiles. He can't count the times Margaret told him he had to work at the diner, but in hindsight, it made sense. "I'll do my best to get home as soon as I'm done. Hopefully, it's not past midnight."

"Of course, sweetie." Margaret smiles back at him.

.....

Henry wipes his brow as he finishes on the puppet. Having knowledge of the future is making these animotronics go by way faster. He already completed three of the endoskeltons and the puppet entirely. He even updated the software that wouldn't be available for a few decades.

There were a few things he could have William work on, so he didn't get too suspicious. He'll tell him right after Clara is pregnant with Evan, then he can break the news, and Micheal will still have his two siblings he cares about. The clock on the wall told him he didn't make his promises of coming home before midnight.

Henry knew Margaret didn't care. After they divorced in the future, she told him all about her misadventures with other men. It didn't hurt as much as it should. He was mourning Charlie and realized he might have feelings for his best friend who vanished. Coming back to the past, living through it is something else.

He cleans himself off in the bathroom the best he could and drives himself home, but before he does, he notices Jackie, Jeremy's mother, just got home. He slams on his break as a tiny figure rushes in front of his car.

"Jeremy!" Jackie shouts

Henry curses as he gets out of his car. "Are you ok?"

Jeremy dusts off his shirt. "Knew it was your car."

Henry covers his face. "I could have killed you."

Jackie gasps. "I'm so sorry."

"Mom, it's fine he came back too." Jeremy tugs her scrubs.

"What?" Jackie stops staring at Henry.

Henry nods. "It is true, but still you're a child Jeremy, and that was an extremely stupid thing to do." He leans back on his car.

"That means your last name is Emily, correct?" Jackie pauses.

Henry nods. "Your son is quite formal and won't call me anything, but Mr. Emily even as an adult." He sighs, picking up the blonde boy. "You shouldn't even be awake."

Jeremy huffs, trying to hide a yawn. "Mmh, fine."

Jackie sighs. "Is that why you asked for your daughter to come by?"

Henry shakes his head. "No, Charlie needs more friends her age. Even if Jeremy is an adult in a child's body, it's a good cover, and I know Micheal will be here often, so it will be good to have the three in one place."

Jackie pauses, mulling it over. "That is a good idea. What about your wife?"

"In the future, we are divorced, but currently, I know she's having an affair, but that isn't why we divorced." Henry pauses. "It will be this time."

"I apologize." Jackie takes back her son, who has fallen asleep.

"Don't I've realized many things, and I'm ok with it." Henry smiles. "I shall see you later."

Jackie nods, watching Henry drive off. She has to talk to Consenqueses.

.....

After a few weeks, Micheal was well enough to be taken off bedrest. William wasn't exactly ready to let Micheal run around, but he didn't have a choice. The boy was 5, and to his knowledge, he was a hyperactive boy. "Micheal, please be careful." He allowed his first time out to be at Jackie's place because she was a doctor, and Micheal got along really well with Jeremy even if his English was poor.

Henry was there, too. His work on the diner blew William out of the water. Charlie liked Jeremy too, so it helped with his worries having a friend close by. Henry explained how he got there like a fanatic maniac, and William swooned. Henry was a natural, and William loved hearing him talk about the machines. He knew he would never be on his partner level, but he was just behind him and was happy there. He could do the other work he wasn't good at.

The three adults' attention was pulled to a new adult who seemed to come out of nowhere. William was immediately on guard along with Henry but for different reasons.

The man looked exactly like the man who claimed to be his father to Henry. William was worried that he wanted to harm the children.

Jackie freezes and thinks on her feet. "Ah, hello, Fritz." She gives a nervous smile and motions for him to come closer. "He helped me come to America with my son."

The red head tilts his head and comes over. "You have company."

"Ah yes, the children are playing together." Jackie smiles, grabbing his hand and pulling him close. She whispers to him. "I told you not to be around today."

"You gave me a name." He laughs quietly as if she told a great joke. His attention turns to William. "You keep raising my expectations, and I'm more impressed every time." He kisses her hand.

Jackie blushes. "I would appreciate it if you didn't speak in riddles." She sighs. "I apologize he was suppose to be working I guess he got off early to surprise me."

William smiles. "That's quite sweet. I'm William it's nice to meet you, Fritz."

"It's nice to meet you as well, and you are?" He turns to Henry with a knowing gleam in his eye.

"Henry." Henry frowns and looks away to the three kids now whispering to each other.

William lightly punches Henry's arm. "You're the nice one?"

Henry sighs. "Just reminds me of someone. It's fine."

William raises his brow but accepts the answer.

They fell into a nice conversation as the kids played.

.....

William sighs as he gets out of bed, Clara gets what she wants from him with a little motivation from her flat iron. He was in the bathroom looking for his gauze to cover these burns on his stomach and arms. He's grateful she didn't go for his hands again. He sighs, grabbing the gauze and disinfecting the wounds. As he shuts the door and he nearly screams, seeing his reflection.

Older, and his eyes glowed purple. He was guant, and he looked like he hadn't eaten in years. He stared through him and didn't follow his movements. A voice echoed in his head. "You shouldn't use that disinfectant it will make the scarring worse. Just use cold water and keep them clean."

William looked around, worried. "I'm finally losing it."

"No, but I am confused about why I am here." The other William stared at his younger self. "I can recall this night. However, Evan was conceived, and Clara got her two perfect dolls, a boy and a girl." He had an unreadable expression.

"What?" William stared at this twisted version of himself.

"I'll be proven right in two weeks when Clara finds out. Enjoy it, and you'll be able to spend time with Elizabeth."

"B-but Micheal's still healing." William stutters thinking he finally went crazy.

The older version of him now looked confused. "Micheals hurt? He shouldn't be hurt."

"He was nearly killed." Willaim frowns.

"No, that's not right. Clara left him on the side of the road. Someone brought him to the diner, and he is fine. That had to happen a few weeks ago."

"No?" William doesn't know what possessed him, but he took Clara's hand mirror and walked to Micheal's room. His twisted self was still in the mirror as he tilted it down to show Micheal sleeping with the stitches still by his mouth.

"T-that isn't supposed to happen. He's 22 when he gets scooped, not 5, and he was killed he didn't survive."

"Scooped? What does that mean?" William shakes his head. "Why am I even speaking to you, I'm just going crazy from the stress." He puts the mirror back into the bathroom and goes to the couch for a restless night. He could still hear the other him.

......

Micheal stared at his father, who was asleep on the couch. He always woke up before him, well before any of them, to hide the fact he slept on the couch after mom hurt him bad or raped him. He saw a reflection in the coffee table, but that couldn't be right. It was his father as he was more used to. He tugged on his father's hand as he woke up. "Dad, wake up."

William rubbed his eyes. "Sorry I'm up." He realizes his son woke him up. "Oh, Micheal, I apologize. I must have fallen asleep to the TV." The TV was clearly off and hasn't been touched.

"Dad, it's itchy." Micheal huffs, letting the lie pass. He can't act as if he knows.

William smiles and ruffles his hair. "Micheal, you won't get them out till Friday. You have to wait."

Micheal huffs. "Itchy."

"Will breakfast help?" William chuckles as Micheal nods. "Alright, head to the kitchen. I'll make your favorite."

Micheal runs to the kitchen, and he can hear him mumbling something as if he was talking to someone. He had to talk to Jeremy or Uncle Henry, maybe even Consenqueses. "Pancakes." He shouts as his father chuckles.

"Yes, Micheal pancakes with chocolate." William smiles.

.....

"Yes, Micheal, we can go see your uncle today." William smiles, Micheal had much more energy today. He probably wanted to play with Charlie or get Henry's cooking either way. He was fine visiting Henry they had to workshop some ideas on advertising on a budget. He did his best to ignore the new voice in his head. He was just stressed.

"I'm not just a voice. I'm you from the future." The twisted version of him sighs. "I don't know if this is because I passed the halfway point of purgatory, or I'm really stuck in the past in the mind of my younger self, but I honestly don't care. Don't ignore me. I've been through this."

"You didn't even know Micheal got hurt." He adjusts his tie and rolls down his sleeves to hide the bandages.

"Because that wasn't supposed to happen." The supposed older one responds.

"Just be quiet." William sighs. "Micheal, stop running around. I have to get you in the car, and I can't do that if you keep moving."

Micheal smiles and nods. "Uncle Henry's?"

"Yes, Micheal, we're heading to your uncle's." William sighs.

"Oh, what could have been." His twisted version sounded wistful. William chose to ignore that.

.....

William knocked on the door barely keeping Micheal contained in his infinite excitement of a child. "Micheal, please relax."

Margaret answered the door, and Micheal ran through her legs. "Oh, hello to you too, Micheal. Ah William, you're probably here for the diner, Henry is out back with Charlie. I will never understand how you can wear pants and long sleeves in the summer. Come on in."

"Cheater slut." His twisted self huffed.

William chose to ignore that comment and head inside. "I apologize. I don't know what has got Micheal so riled he just really wanted to visit."

Margaret chuckles. "He probably misses his friend. Kids will be kids."

William nods as he makes his way out back to see Henry watching Charlie jump in a mud puddle she made with the hose, and Micheal is quick to join her. That will be a fun bath later.

"Ah, William, I didn't know you were coming over. We're off today." Henry smiles, motioning to the chair next to him.

"Yeah, Micheal wanted to visit. I was also wondering if you wanted to talk about future advertisements to strum up business." William hums as he takes a seat.

"I suppose that is something we do have to work on." Henry pauses his eyes, catching on the reflection in the window. It wasn't William he saw now but older tired and with purple eyes like Micheal described him in purgatory, but he still had some hope in his eyes.

William frowns, looking behind him to follow his friends gaze and sees that older twisted version of himself, but Henry couldn't see that he was just in his head.

"Don't doubt his perception." His twisted self raised a brow. "He is staring right at me, or at the very least, my reflection."

William turned back, pretending he didn't hear or was looking in that direction.

"Are you alright?" Henry's voice is low.

"I'm fine. What do you mean?" William smiles poorly hiding that lie.

"How did I ever manage to lie to him in the first place?" He can hear the exasperated in his older twisted self.

"You are a terrible liar, William." Henry sighs and places his hand on his knee. "Tell me the truth, what's that in your reflection?"

William bits his lip. "You can see them?"

"At least you aren't calling me it." The twisted him sighs.

Henry nods and waves his hand. "Micheal, can you come here for a moment, and Charlie darling, how about you clean off a bit."

"But daddy..." Charlie whines.

"You can make a new mud puddle." Henry smiles, knowing this will distract Charlie long enough as Micheal runs over.

"Fine." Charlie huffs having fun playing with the hose.

William raises his brow as Micheal runs up.

Henry motions for him to look in the reflection. "What do you see?"

Micheal pauses, raising his brow, but Henry nods. "Father from purgatory, and from how he looks, he just realized I'm back as well."

"I keep forgetting how great of an actor you've become." The twisted older version sighs. He looks back to Henry. "You are from the future as well."

Wlism shut his eyes and took a breath. "Impossible."

"Mother was supposed to drop me off on the side of the road a good Samaritan found me and took me to the diner. I-"

"You weren't supposed to get hurt." William's eyes widen. "Just what is going on."

Micheal shrugs. "Dunno how I even got back to the past. Demon summoning doesn't work across time nor inside purgatory." He says this right before running back over to Charlie, acting like a kid again playing with the hose.

"I never did believe how perceptive he became as he got older." Henry sighs. "He got quite good at hiding." He sips on his glass of sweet tea and sighs. "Take your time."

"How..." William frowns. "How do I become like that?"

"I can tell you, but you won't be happy." His older self crosses his arms.

Henry sighs. "I blame Clara. She's such an awful thing, ain't she." He lets his accent slip. "You get a whole new perspective after you die. You get to see the past in a different light, different angles."

William, who has never heard Henry's accent, lights up, then frowns. "Clara isn't bad. We just have our spats like a normal couple."

His older self doesn't say anything. He knows that even now, he only just accepted it was abuse, and he was a victim. Purgatory forces you to face yourself to put you through trials to get through to your paradise. Even still, he can't understand how a man could be a victim. Micheal did tell him he had to accept that before he could move on, probably why his sentence was so long.

Henry smiles softly. "No, it's not normal, I know why you always cover up. It's a shame, too." He sighs. "It's abuse, William. If you were the woman in the situation, what would you consider it?"

Willaim frowns, hugging his chest.

His older self lets out a strangled laugh mixed with a cry. "H-he's right." He takes a breath. "Why the fuck did it take me this long?" Henry always knew what to say. He always knew what to tell him, how to break the news. He always knew him best, and that was probably how he fell in love with a man he could never have.

William shudders he could now feel the emotions from his older self, and they overwhelmed him. "S-stop." He held his head, and Henry got up quickly.

"William, I'm sorry. I know that this is a lot, and I didn't mean to overwhelm you." Henry pauses when William looks up at him, mismatched eyes stared up at him.

Tears spilled from his eyes as he held his head. "Get us-me." His eyes roll back, and Henry barely caught him.

William was asleep, Henry sighed in relief as he turned his attention to the children. He had to get them dry and clean before they both crashed. He could leave William to sleep for the moment.

.....

William shudders, looking around the gray area. His older self was there. "What happened?"

"What do you think?" The older him huffs. A chess board was in front of him. "A game while we talk?"

William hesitates but nods, taking a seat. "I think i..." He swallows as images flash across his mind.

"They are our memories it just hasn't happened for you yet." He frowns. "Do you want to change things?"

"Of course I do!" William knows he shouted this, but the older him merely smiled in response.

"So do I, and it looks like we'll be stuck together until... I don't know." He pauses. "I wouldn't mind vanishing if it meant the future is better. I don't think that will be the case."

William pauses, staring at the board. "It was abuse, we'll is." He bites his lip. "What do we do?"

"I don't know." His older self answers, honestly. "It's been a very long time since I've been alive. Henry is older, well his mind is, and so is Micheal. I can help you with Micheal. But with Henry, I ran away from Henry like a coward as Clara puppeted me."

William sighs, knocking his king over. "Help me through this."

"As I said before, I don't think I'm able to leave." His older self sighs. "Start small."

"How?"

"Get a chess board, Micheal likes our chess games." The older version of him sighs. "Wait till Evan is born, and then start breaking away. I don't want to take them away from Micheal he loves his siblings."

William pauses, shutting his eyes. "It's going to take me ages to go through these."

"You'll get a handle over the memories." His older self sighs.

"Eventually." William frowns. "How many times did Clara try to hurt Micheal?"

"Micheal won't tell me." His older self leans back. "He broke, and he's still picking up the pieces."

"What about this, Jeremy?" William pauses as the area shakes, and he wakes up with a start.

"Welcome back." Henry looks over William. His eyes have returned to normal, and his reflection is still his older self.

William takes a deep breath. "I'm ok."

"You're ok?" Henry pauses.

"Where did the children go?" William looks around.

"I cleaned them up, and they are both taking a nap. Micheal may have the mind of an adult, but he has the body and stamina of a child." Henry smiles. "Are you ok?"

"I'm alright. We talked, uh, me and my older self talked. I have his memories, I think I'm still processing them." William rubs his arm. "I think I need to wear something cooler."

Henry smiles. "I can handle that."

......

"Pick up pick up..." Margaret mumbles as the phone rings until someone picks up.

"Hello, this is Jen Emily. Who is calling?" A familiar voice picks up.

"Jen, it's Margaret." Margaret sighs in relief. "Do you still work at those shelters for women?"

"I do. Did something happen? Is Henry OK? Did he hurt you? I swear I'll beat his ass." Jen growls.

"No, never." Margaret sighs.

"Did something happen to Charlie? Is it the guy who took Micheal?" Jen pauses. "Margaret why are you calling?"

"It's William. I caught Henry and him in the spare bedroom. I figured out why he always dresses so formal. He's covered in burn marks like the ones I see on children from mothers who have a straightening iron or a curling iron. In places I know that man can't reach. Have you've ever seen a man try to enter one of those shelters?" Margaret pauses. "He's really skinny too like he doesn't eat enough, I know the man works for his life, but Henry isn't even that bad."

Jen is quiet for a moment. "Are they new?"

"I only caught a couple of glimpses. But he's littered in scars old new and fresh red burns. Not even just burn marks he has every type of scar I could think of, and I work with children who seek to make it their life goal to surprise me with injuries." Margaret sighs. "I think Clara might be harming him. I think he might be using himself to protect Micheal."

"Fuck...." Jen takes a deep breath. "It's not uncommon for mothers to protect their children from abusive partners, so a man doing the same isn't impossible. I'll look into this, now I've got a new fear for my own boy. Margaret, keep an eye out for him. I never liked the man, but nobody deserves that."

"Of course, Micheal is back on his feet and seems to want to spend more time with Charlie, I'll use that when I'm not working to get close. Tell me what you find out and what I can do." Margaret can hear footsteps. "I have to go, but thanks for believing me."

"Wait -" Margaret has hung up the phone.

Henry pauses. "Oh, who was that? I didn't hear the phone ring."

"Oh, I just called work. Just to double-check my schedule, you know how Martha is with the last-minute changes." Margaret smiles.

Henry sighs. He remembers how scattered the receptionist was mixing appointments and nearly getting Margaret fired a few times. He didn't blame her for calling to double-check. "Did she mix up your schedule again?"

"She double booked two patients, and now I'm going to have to deal with some angry parents." Margaret pauses and looks at William. "What's with the bandages?"

"Just an accident at the diner. Machines don't tend to stop when something doesn't go right." William gives a nervous smile.

"The wiring got overheated." Henry sighs. "I told him to be careful."

"I'm fine, just a few burns." William chuckles nervously. "I'm going to check on Micheal. He's in Charlie's room, right?"

Margaret nods. "Don't wake him. He's a growing boy he needs his rest. He's also getting his stitches out soon. Don't wake Charlie either it's hard enough getting her to sit still."

William nods, and he goes down the hall.

Henry sighs. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Henry. Do you think I could chaperone the next play date with the new neighbor? I want to get to know the other mom and see if we could do a girls' night."

Henry pauses he really didn't want to cause suspicion. "Of course, I'm sure Jackie would love a new friend. It can be at the diner so the kids can't run off."

"That's perfect." Margaret smiles. Good, she can keep an eye on William and confirm that it wasn't workplace accidents.

......

The diner was quiet. It was a slow day in the middle of the week. A day for maintenance and small repairs of wear and tear. Clara had pulled William to the side while Elizabeth was in her baby carrier. Micheal, Charlie, and Jeremy were around here. Margaret watched Clara stab something into William's shoulder, and he just accepted it, looking defeated.

"Um, excuse me." Jackie was polite. "Margaret, was it?"

Margaret nods. "Sorry, I guess I lost focused. Yes, I am her. You must be Jackie, Henry told me you just moved in, and my daughter has taken a liking to your son."

"Ah yes, Jeremy, he's a good boy." Jackie smiles.

.....

Micheal rocked Elizabeth in her carrier. He knew she was getting too big for it and should be crawling around by now. He also knew Mother didn't let her until she found out she was pregnant with Evan.

"She's tiny." Charlie frowns. "She can't play yet."

Jeremy mumbles something in German holding onto her hand.

Micheal smiles. "We can play soon, right?"

"Mommy says we have to be careful." Charlie pokes Elizabeth, who giggles kicking her feet. "But she wants to play now."

"Mom won't let her." Micheal huffs. "Lizzie should play with us. We can carry her around on a wagon."

"We could put flowers around her and use her to distract adults." Charlie smiles.

Jeremy giggles. "Our ace."

"Ace?" Charlie looks over at Jeremy. "Weird, but I like it."

Clara returns, waving the three kids away from Elizabeth. "Babies are fragile and should not be..." She covers her mouths and swallows. "Don't touch her." Elizabeth starts to cry as the three kids are pushed away.

William goes up to her. "Are you alright? You look a bit pale."

Clara glares, but she knows if she is getting sick, she could hurt her precious doll. "Keep an eye on her tomorrow. I shall head to the doctor on my own."

William nods.

"And change your shirt. I don't need people asking why you have that stain." Clara picks up Elizabeth to soothe her, but she won't stop crying.

William touched his shoulder with the growing blood stain. He nods. "I can get a spare shirt from the back."

Margaret tapped Jackie's shoulder. "I apologize, but I'm a doctor myself for children, but still. Does William shirt seem to be staining with something? I'm used to children coming with mud and various other stains."

Jackie turns her attention to the man who head walking fast to the back office. She mutters something in German and stares back at Margaret. "Help me corner him."

Margaret nods.

.....

William is now in his back office with two women staring at him. He had long lost his button-up and shirt. His older self had no idea what was going on either. He hugged his chest as both women cleaned his sluggish bleeding. "I'm fine. It was just a mishap with the machines, I'm clusmy."

Jackie gave a knowing look to Margaret as she examined just his chest. She remembers her first excuses, and she has never experienced a man in her position before, but this was awful. He was probably too ashamed to even tell anyone. "You have fabric in the wound. Do you know how easily that can get infected?"

William looked down, wringing his hands.

"When did you last change these bandages?" Margaret frowns. "I always have gauze in my bag first Charlie, she plays rougher than a boy does. Let me fix that up."

William is unable to argue as both women take care of him, even giving him new stitches.

The three don't even notice the door open before a male voice interrupts. "William?" Henry shut the door behind him. "Margaret, and Jackie?"

Jackie stands between Henry and William. "Your partner is hurt, and i would rather not have you..." She stops as William speaks up.

"He he helped with the bandages the first time." William's voice is small like he was lost and afraid. He has never been this exposed before, and they were treating him like he was made of glass. He can't remember anyone being gentle with him besides Henry.

Jackie relaxes. "How long has this been happening?" She pauses. "These accidents."

Henry whispers something to her that William can't catch. He, however, notices the shaking and pale features on Jackie.

Jackie mumbles something in German. She takes a breath and smiles. "You have a clean shirt here, yes?"

William nods and points to the cabinet. "We always have spare clothes here. Kids are messy, and uniforms get ruined easily."

Henry grabs the shirt and puts it on William. He knew it was his, and so did his friend. Neither said anything about it. "Margaret, why do you have so much gauze?"

"You know how our little girl is. I swear one day she's going to come home with a broken bone and not notice." Margaret jokes, and Henry can't help but nod, knowing she will when she's 8.

"You're right. William, are you alright." Henry places his hand on the injured shoulder. Both women give a glare he doesn't notice. "Did..."

William smiles at Henry's touch. "It's just an accident. I'm fine."

Henry nods, knowing William isn't comfortable telling the truth of the situation to himself, let alone others. "Come on, I'm sure Micheal is already looking for you."

William chuckles, getting up and fixing the large shirt. "I just hope he hasn't conspired with the others to take Lizzie."

"They're 5 William." Henry sighs.

"Children are crafty, Henry." The two chatter as they leave the office.

The two women glance at each other.

Margaret sighs. "If it happens, I will protect them. Charlie needs her father."

Jackie raises her brow, not really understanding what she was talking about. She takes a breath. "My husband used to hurt me. I escaped to America with my son. He is acting as I did."

Margaret freezes. "He really is getting hurt by his wife."

"The shame he must feel. No wonder he hides." Jackie sighs. "Help me advert suspicion on him. If she figures out, we helped him, let alone know she might go after Micheal."

Margaret nods. "Of course, anything. That poor boy has been hurt enough."

.....

Turns out, none of them had to worry. Clara was in the bathroom, throwing her guts up. She had no idea. Micheal was rocking Elizabeth as the other two kept making up stories of the craziest things they could think of.

William sighs. "Micheal, where did your mother go?"

"Mom went to the bathroom she told me to rock Lizzie." Micheal looks up at his father with his bright blue eyes.

William nods. "I'll go check on her." He can't help but smile as Lizzie just giggles interacting with the other two kids.

Henry watches William head over to the woman's restroom. "Are you three behaving?"

"Yes, Daddy, Lizzie likes me the best." Charlie smiles as Elizabeth rattles her toy.

"Nein...." Jeremy argues in German.

Micheal smiles, looking down at her. "I'm the best because I'm her big brother."

"No fair." Elizabeth huffs. "I'm the best because we're both girls."

Henry chuckles. "I think she likes all three of you."

......

The new broke Clara was expecting, not even a day later, she made sure everyone knew. Elizabeth was handed off to William, and she finally started walking around, given the freedom to not be carried everywhere.

William was next to Margaret, and Jackie Henry was to his other side. This has become a weekly event, and as much as he wants to talk to Henry and his older self, Margaret seems to have a different agenda with Jackie. Thankfully, this combined with the diner meant he didn't have to deal with Clara as often, the new burned stab from a hot knife made his leg ache, but his older self told him that hot knife event took longer and was way worse then it was this time, well last time or what was suppose to happen was he got a paralyzed scare, but this time she only did his legs not his back.

Micheal watched the two women watch over his father as Charlie was busy running around with Lizzie, who had discovered the joys of walking in grass. "Jeremy, why's your mom acting weird?"

Jeremy pauses, standing next to Micheal. "Consenqueses is really nice, and mom isn't used to that in a man... wait, you aren't referring to that. Uh, I think that day at the diner, I think Margaret convinced her to follow your father into his office."

Micheal sighs, covering his face. "That means they both know about my mother and what she is doing."

"Why's that an issue?" Jeremy walks closer.

"We have to reveal ourselves, or else we won't be able to talk to my father or even my uncle." Micheal sighs. "Margaret might be a cheater, but she is overly protective over those who can't defend themselves, and your mom...."

Jeremy gasps. "Oh fuck you're right." He sighs. "How do you want to do this?"

"Honesty, I wish I could include Charlie." Micheal sighs. "She never made it pass 13, though."

Jeremy frowns. "Ugh, me too she's great. Oh, we're going to be a great chaos trio. Just wait."

Micheal chuckles. "Alright, alright, we have to think of something."

Charlie was holding Lizzie up, who was squealing in joy. "Hey, say what I taught you." She ran in front of the adults with the baby.

Lizzie squeals again. "Cha cha!"

"Yeah, Charlie." Charlie looks so proud.

William had a look of shock on his face.

Henry pauses and stares at the two women.

Charlie looks so proud of herself. "Look, I taught Lizzie to say my name."

"Cha!" Lizzie giggles walking to William. "Da! Da!" She clings to his leg, holding her hands up.

William looked close to crying, scooping her up. "Yeah, I'm your dad."

Lizzie giggles.

"Aren't you proud of me, Uncle William?" Charlie smiles.

William nods. "You did a great job, Charlie. You got Lizzie to say her first words."

Jackie covers her mouth. "Her first words, that's amazing."

Margaret chuckles. "She's right on track, unlike Micheal, who took until he was 4 to speak."

William nods, bouncing her on his knee, ignoring the massive amount of pain from the stab wounds. "You both did so good."

Henry motions for Charlie to come over. "You did such a good job, darling."

"I am the best." Charlie hugs Her father, then jumps off the porch to rejoin Micheal and Jeremy.

Lizzie huffs, reaching out for her.

"I think you've had enough excitement." William brushed her hair back. "It's time for a nap."

Lizzie huffs again, but yawns. "Come on, let's clean you up and set you off to bed."

William smiles, heading inside with his daughter.

......

"In my timeline of events, her first words were Mike. Clara was so mad." The older him watched over Elizabeth as William changed her diaper and got her ready for a nap.

"Really?" William smiles, tucking her in.

"Micheal always watched over her while I worked, or when Clara would neglect him caring for Evan. She always made sure Lizzie was cared for, and so was Evan. I believe there were many times when Micheal missed meals because I was stuck at the diner. I should have paid better attention." He sounds quite remorseful.

"Does Micheal blame us?" William shuts the lights off.

"No, he never did." The older sighs. "Micheal actually thinks we did the best we could given what we were going through, but we're his father we should have known."

Wliam frowns. "We'll do better this time. For all of them."

"We have to." The older nods along.

They both curse, feeling the wounds on his legs reopen. "Bloody hell, I just did the stitching."

........

Micheal frowns he can see the three adults swarm his father, and he makes a split decision. "Charlie, how would you like to be friends forever?"

Jeremy gives him a look, but it doesn't stop him.

Micheal knew this was a long shot, but they were already in impossible times. Time travel doesn't exist. There was always something stopping anyone who tried like fate itself refused to be unwound. This was different, like he had something nagging in his ear to try an old rumor. The rumor has it that if you give a child a demons blood, normally nothing happens, but there is a very small chance that, like time travel, something would happen. Lucy always complained about these rumors because she knew of every demon activity, whether she wanted to or not, and nothing came from that rumor.

"Yeah, of course, Micheal." Charlie gets close to him.

Micheal gets closer. "I heard the big kids at the diner say if we exchange blood, we will forever be friends."

Charlie's eyes light up. "I know what that is. Daddy said blood pacts last a lifetime. He says he made one with Aunt Jen to always be family."

Micheal keeps forgetting Henry is from the deep south, especially from a superstitious area in Texas. Of course, he would start Charlie, young.

Charlie grabs a rock off the ground. "We both cut our hands, I think, and shake like the grown-ups do."

"Is that how it works?" Micheal looks to Charlie, who nods and grabs his hand, and damn she is good at picking rocks. He could feel tears prick his eyes as he gets overwhelmed with emotions, and he curses his young body.

Charlie does the same, and they shake hands.

Jeremy watches the exchange, and at first, nothing happens, and he realizes that a lot if Aids reports probably went unreported with children doing stupid shit like this. He goes to defuse the situation before the adults return their attention to them when he saw a flash in Charlie's eyes.

Micheal can feel Charlie's grip get tighter and pull him closer. "Charlie?"

Charlie sighs and pulls Micheal into a hug. "Act natural they are watching."

Micheal pauses and pushes her away. "Nu uh thats not right."

Charlie nods. "Yes, it is."

The three kids run off to the corner following Charlie's lead, and the adults laugh.

Micheal stops holding his arm up. "You became a reaper."

"Not quite, I took the chance to grow up after I was killed through.... dubious means. However what the fuck?" Charlie looks around. "How are we in the past? I was tasked to track down the missing souls from their collective paradises, and then suddenly a soul from purgatory vanishes, and that's no man lands when it comes to the afterlife. Then.... you're the fucking demon that got summoned from purgatory. How?"

"My fault." Jeremy rubs the back of his neck. "To be fair I also don't know how I ended up in the past either I was digging my way out of paradise because I learned Micheal forced himself to be a demon even though he was allowed a paradise."

Charlie laughs. "We all didn't like our placements, did we? Alright, so what do we know, I want to catch up with both of you. Oh and my dad, oh my fuck I can be his daughter again." She shakes her head. "No focus. Micheal, and Jeremy you two are so tragic."

"If I hear a tale of tragic lovers again, I'm going to punch you and scream the truth in German alerting my mother." Jeremy crosses his arms as Micheal covers his mouth, unable to hold back his laugh.

Charlie chuckles. "Nah I was going to say if either of you fucking talked you would of stopped further tragedy, like if you kissed at 13 Evan wouldn't of died."

Micheal pauses and nods. "Fair point."

"Alright, I accept that answer." Jeremy smiles. "Man, we are going to be the best chaos trio."

"Hell yeah. Also, did either you notice that my dad is the product of a demon deal?" Charlie pauses, totally losing track of her focus. The three having adult minds with child focus and energy was going to make this hard to get through.

"Wait, sorry, what did you make a deal with to grow up?" Micheal switches focus, staring at Charlie as they run to the other corner of the yard.

"Well, it turns out the stories about things in the cornfields hold a lot of weight. Also, I didn't want to lose my memories. Becoming a reaper means giving up any and all humanity, so I would start from a blank slate, unable to well ever find any family again. So let's just say I'm basically a mix of a demon a reaper and a secret third thing." Charlie smiles.

"Eh, I still would have probably picked a demon from guilt." Micheal chuckles. "Fuck Jeremy's right were going to be the best trio." He can't help but feel giddy. Childlike excitement overwhelmed him he forgot what he was originally planning to do.

Charlie pulled the two next to her. "Rumor had it you were stronger than old Lucifer, and Jeremy you made a lot of connections."

"Damn right. How did you think I found out what happened to Micheal and how to do the same as him from escaping my paradise into hell?" Jeremy smirks. "Now I'm on track to become a demon attached to Micheal, already improvement on my original plan."

Micheal snickers. "I'm not that strong."

"You still have seals on you, I mean, I do too. Wait, how did you do this?" Charlie stares at her hands.

"You know that weird rumor Lucy hates about giving children demon blood."

"Ohhhhhh ok, huh thought that was fake."

"So did I." Micheal shrugs. "So, new plan."

"New plan?" Charlie raised her brow.

Jeremy ends up explaining what has happened as they pretend to play in the grass.

.....

Finally, Henry had a chance to be alone with William. Well, the three kids were with them as well, but it was a start. Clara took Lizzie with her to her prenatal appointment and refused to let William go. Jackie had a shift and had to work dropping Jeremy off. Charlie was acting off lately she was a little less destructive, but he counted that as a blessing.

The three well, two 5 years old and one 6 year old. Jeremy's birthday just passed. Sat on the couch together as William sat on one love seat and Henry on the other.

Charlie was the first to speak up. "Is now good?"

Jeremy shrugs. "I dunno, what do you think.... oh Micheal fell asleep."

"Mmh, not sleeping." Micheal huffs. "Just tired."

Henry gave a look to William, who sighed. "Micheals been trying to stay up late."

"No, Micheal's been trying to figure out how to get back to his adult body." Charlie crosses her arms. "It looks to be going as poorly as I thought it would."

"Oh hush, you haven't gotten far either." Micheal yawns.

"He won't let me help." Jeremy hums letting Micheal lean on him.

Henry stops. "What?"

Charlie pauses. "Oh yeah, I forgot. So you remember the stories you would tell me about the stuff out at night? Yeah, so I'm that because I wanted to grow up after I died. I think Reaper mixed with demon and other stuff. Eventually, I would have run into Micheal in the future, but the impossible happened instead." She huffs. "Being stuck as a child sucks, I lose focus constantly, and I get so tired easily." She crosses her arms.

Henry's eyes widen as he gets up and scoops his daughter up. "You're back? You grew up?"

Charlie giggles. "I did, not as a reaper I would have to give up all the things that made me human memories included, so I picked a dubious option."

Micheal yawns again. "I can still use my powers, for example." He snaps, and his father blinks.

William turns and rubs his back. "You healed me?"

"Yeah, why do you think you haven't had any nerve damage? I care about you, and Mother is awful." Micheal slides off the couch and crawls onto his father's lap. "I know I'm an adult."

William smiles, his eyes full of happy tears. "Yes, you're my big brave boy." He hugs Micheal, who melts into his father's touch.

"It's rare, but when Micheal wants touch, he will wrap around you." Jeremy giggles. "He's also very tired."

William smiles. "Alright, how about a nap before we talk again. I know we have to discuss things, but you three are children."

"Don't remind me." Charlie huffs, crossing her arms. "I wouldn't mind a nap, I also don't want to get up."

Henry chuckles. "How about I move you after you fall asleep?"

"Yes." Charlie smiles.

Jeremy has already curled up on the couch. "Mmh, you two adults talk... wait three..."

Micheal has already drifted off.

"They are all trying so hard." His older self sighs. "Well, you have your privacy talk to him."

William pauses. "I uh...." He sighs. "Henry, what do we do?"

"Let them sleep, but now for the future." Henry sighs as Charlie curls up.

"Just fucking kiss." Charlie huffs.

Henry gets a red face that matches William. "Charlotte?!"

"We all know." Charlie yawns. "Uncle William can't hide, and you wesr your heart on your sleeve."

"I know Micheal knew, but Charlie just turned 13 when I well.... " his older self covers his face.

William matches the red face. "I uh well, I mean i...."

Henry hefts Charlie over his shoulder and bends down, kissing William. "We'll plan later."

"Y-yes." William hugs Micheal tighter.

[youryanderedaddy]

Every breath you take

You heard of Corpse husband, now get ready for corpse wife--

tw: female reader, necrophilia so non - con, murder, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, dirty talk, overall nasty shit that i needed to get out of my system, pls don't read if such stuff makes u uncomfortable

Jack couldn’t bear to look at you without feeling his stomach crumble and twist sharply and violently. You looked almost normal. Besides the empty stare in your now dark lightless eyes and the dead weight of your arms stilled tightly by your side. Besides the necklace of pretty sky - coloured bruises and purple bite marks around your delicate neck. If your boyfriend was to simply press his lips against yours in a desperate attempt to savour your final cries, he might just be able to feel their silky softness - the smooth edges of your tiny side smile against his cheek, the pure scarlet warmth of your slightly open mouth and the millions pained whispers falling out with each heartbeat of your very soul. And If the man was to hold your hand he could pretend it wasn’t colder than ice itself.

It was an accident. It had to be, otherwise Jack wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Just minutes ago you were safe and sound in his embrace, screaming, thrashing and fighting at every turn, but still safe none the less. Then you had told him you hated him. That you could never love someone as cruel and sick as him. He didn’t remember much from the resulting argument, other than him on top of you with his hand around your throat, your lips turning blue and your eyes closing slowly as you lost consciousness completely. Your boyfriend was ready to give everything for you to shout at him again, for you to squirm around like a battered animal like you used to, insead of watching you lay on the ground, motionless and still, peaceful like an angel. He wanted the old you back, the you who wasn’t quite living (since you always went on about how Jack had stolen your life away from you), but breathing and alive. You were quiet and obedient just like your captor had always wanted, such a good girl for him now that you were dead and unable to protest any of his sick, twisted desires. 

A single tear ran down the man’s black charcoal eyes as he lowered his head and kissed you softly, careful and wary, like you would wake up any moment and push him away in horror. The graze was airy and almost sweet, so different from all the other rough invasive kisses he had forced upon you in the past as a reminder of your place beneath him. Yet this one tasted of nothing, but blood and ice. Your lips were cold, but your body was still warm somewhere under that flimsy blue sundress your boyfriend had helped you put on in the morning. It made you look so innocent, so childlike in your eternal sleep. Jack stared at you for what felt like an infinity, unable to look away, hypnotized. He ran a finger through your exposed collarbone, then laid his head on your chest, listening to the silence. You were dead, but your breasts were still so soft and squishy, the man decided. Jack’s hands were glued to your waist, admiring your curves as he dug his nails deep into the loose fabric, ripping it away from your figure, causing shivers down the delicate skin. Your back hit the ground, sinking into the soil and the mud, a couple of daisies forming a crown above your head. You were so beautiful all vulnerable like that, his sweet Persephone, queen of the underworld and of his heart, too. 

“You’re so lovely, dear.“ The man spoke out as he positioned himself above you, his eyes hungry and sharp as he stroked your cheek, devoid of any colour. “No panties, huh?“ Jack whispered lustfully, his voice raspy and deranged, and cupped your sex. If you were still alive you would have turned red, stuttering as you explained that it was him who ordered you to go bare under the dress, but now you remained quiet like a blushing bride on her wedding day. The lack of protest only managed to stir the maniac up further, and he unbuckled his jeans to free his half - hard member. “LIttle minx.“ He cooed at you and ruffled your hair, fisting your locks to pull your head down, thus arching your back and exposing your neck to his sharp teeth. “I am going to use you, precious. You want to be useful to me, don’t you?“ Your boyfriend muttered against your throat as he covered it in harsh lovebites and hickeys, only growing satisfied when there wasn’t even an inch unmarked. “Because you are mine, baby. You are my good girl.“ He kept going, stroking himself in the process until his cock was practically oozing with pre - cum. Jack smirked when he didn’t hear the typical whimpers and cries of disgust you usually showered him in when he let himself act possessive of you. The man wasn’t sure why you always denied the truth - you were his and his alone, even after death did you part.

Your tormentor spent the next ten minutes squeezing and kneading your breasts, pinching the nipples, covering them in sticky white semen. Jack almost missed the way your chest would rise and fall with each soft breath escaping your rosy lips. When he was done playing with your body like you were nothing more than a rag doll your boyfriend spread your legs wide open, and his mouth watered at the godly sight. “You have such a pretty cunt, dear.” He commented lovingly, his fingers pushing and poking at your pink slit, abusing the nerve ending still functional despite its owner not being able to. “I am doing to force my cock deep inside your pussy, and there is nothing you can do about it, baby.” The man laughed manically, high off this new found power and control over your lifeless body. When you were alive you would beg him to stop by this point, crying and whimpering helplessly. Now he could pretend that you actually wanted him to ruin you. That you needed him as much as he needed you. 

Your boyfriend entered your tight hole with a sharp deep thrust, his lenght reaching your cervix with each and every brutal move. In and out, in and out again and again. The man felt like he could fuck into you forever - there was no pressure to stop and your muscles were completely relaxed now so it was up to him to take his own pleasure from your unwilling uncooperative body. “You’re so loose, honey.” He growled, biting your earlobe and moaning into your ear. “Guess I really wore you out the past few months.” Jack suggested playfully, a hint of pride apparent in his thick voice. Soon enough he was groaning loudly and ruthlessly pounding into you, covering your whole body in mud and grass. The pale moonlight lit up your sweaty face, making you look lively and vibrant once again. Your captor claimed your lips hungrily, licking and biting them into a swollen bloody mess. “Fuck, take it, my love.” He commanded as he lifted your body in order to go even deeped into you. “Take all of me inside.” The man added quickly, thrusting one last time before the pleasure overtook his senses and he arched his back in delight. He inhaled deeply as he pulled out of your used up hole, dripping with his seed. 

In that moment the man knew that he had to let go of you eventually. It wouldn’t be too long before your perfect little body decomposed and your beauty faded in the face of death, but there was some time between now and then. And he intended to make good use of it. 

[bye-bye-sunbird]

Bloodlust | Yan!Tartaglia x Reader

Hi everyone! So here's the Tartaglia fic I teased about a few days ago. I got a LOT of requests on him, and many of them shared a similar theme, so I hope this satisfies some of them. But one thing led to another and... well, here is where we ended up hahaha.

Please read the tags and the warnings before you continue reading.

Warnings: NOT SFW, dub-con, manipulation, mentions of blood, blood-kink (I... think?), victim-blaming, mentions of past abuse, mentions of murder, this is NOT a healthy relationship, this one got a bit dark, so be aware of it.

Reader is female.

We are drawn to what we lack.

You would often ponder over how Childe seemed to love the idea of you more than he loved you. No matter what he did, how charming his smile was, everything about him screamed danger.

He could make you feel safe, but never at ease.

Could anyone really blame you for having moments of weakness such as this one? If he insisted on being a weapon, then you would use him as such.

You knew it was a mistake to tell him about your last relationship. No weight was lifted from your shoulders, but another type of guilt cemented in your thoughts, like venom poisoning your mind.

A part of you hoped they would end up killing each other, maybe then you could finally start over. You could lead a peaceful, quiet life in Qingce Village, devoting yourself to the care of your beloved grandmother. Your heart clutched at the uncertainty on whether she was still alive or not. After you managed to escape your ex-boyfriend you had cut ties with everyone, for their own safety.

And then... Childe came into your life. Almost as if he sensed your longing for protection, your fear. And he exploited every aspect of it to his advantage.

When you were with him, no one dared to look your way. After what felt like a lifetime of being reduced to nothing, he made you feel almost powerful. After being denied everything, he offered you the chance to have it all. You knew he was dangerous, but nevertheless, you fell for it.

After all, we really are drawn to what we lack.

You knew what you were doing asking him to free you from your past. You knew the implications it would have. No matter the result, you would end up with blood in your hands.

"It won't take me long, I think," he says with a boyish smile that, considering everything that was going to happen, was just plain sinister, "I'll be back in no time."

You don't tell him to be safe. You stay still as he tenderly places a kiss on your lips. He then grabs your jaw, forcing you to look directly at him, "So be a good girl and stay put."

And you do, you wait for what feels like an eternity.

You pace around your house, an uneasy feeling numbing you. Every so often you look up at the clock. You lay on your bed, placing a hand over your chest in an attempt to calm yourself. You stay there, forcing yourself to block every intrusive thought and, hours upon hours later, you fall asleep in sheer exhaustion.

That is until you feel a weight sinking the bed around your frame.

A metallic scent starts to flood your sense of smell. A single drop of... something falls on your cheek, and with that, you open your eyes.

Even in the dead of night, the sight of Childe's face almost completely covered in blood will haunt you forever.

"Angel, I'm home," he whispers as he lowers himself down to kiss your neck.

You remain speechless as he licks and nibbles, savoring every inch from your neck up to your ear lobe and down your clavicles. His gloved hand leaves a trace of blood in your clothes as he unbuttons your dress.

"It is done"

You let a hitched breath escape you when you feel the tip of his tongue hover over one of your breasts. He ministers shallow licks before gently biting your nipple.

"I thought about you the whole time" he confesses, a boyish grin emerging in his face as he leaves your breast to look at you. The way his eyes are clouded by a mix of feral desire and bloodlust sends shivers down your spine. "You were right to be afraid of him, he was strong" he adds, the words spilling over your skin, warm and breathless, as he slowly raises your skirt over your hips, "Just not enough".

You tense like a bowstring in his hands, in a mix of fear and arousal. You hate yourself for this.

"Oh?" you feel the curve of his smile forming on top of your skin, "Do you want to know how I did it?", you shake your head, and mutter a simple "No". He hums mockingly, "Afraid that is going to ruin the mood, huh?".

He presses his body an inch closer enough for you to feel the bulge in his pants rubbing against you. "I waited so long for this", he lowers his hand below your skirt. "I have quite the imagination, y'know?" he grabs your underwear, the cold, wet feel of the blood in his hand making you tremble. "You are so quiet most of the time", he tugs at the fabric, slowly pulling it down. He trails small kisses up your jaw. "I wonder how you'll sound when I fill you up."

He pulls away from your face, bitting his glove out of his hand and tossing it aside, a small stain of blood left on his smile as he easily sinks two of his fingers inside of you. The obscene, wet sound making him chuckle. You drop your head back onto the pillow, a whimpering and trembling mess. Your hands dig into his jacket as you let out a breathless moan.

A few seconds pass before he slowly starts to work his fingers inside you. He sets a pace that is meant for you to be overly conscious about everything that's happening between your legs. It's almost torture, and you can't fight the urge to start moving your hips, seeking a release. Guilt, fear, and pleasure become one as a single tear runs down your cheek.

He laughs hauntingly as he speeds up the pace. You bite your lip in an attempt to stay quiet, but a moan manages to escape as you grind desperately against his hand. But just before you come undone, he pulls his fingers out. You open your eyes to witness how he lasciviously licks his fingertips, a lovesick gaze clouding his blue eyes before he pins you against the mattress in a hungry, almost feral kiss. You hear the sound of his belt being sloppily unbuckled, after which one of his hands pushes your knee to the side.

He pulls away from the kiss, looking down to position himself. You feel the tip of his length rubbing your entrance, his hot breath starting to tremble against your skin in excited expectation.

"He wanted to see you again," he says suddenly, but you are too far gone to pay any attention to his words. "Maybe I should have brought him here, to witness how I fuck you."

A loud gasp rings in his ear as you feel your walls stretch. He enters slowly, allowing you to accommodate all of him. Your mind goes blank as he pushes himself up until he's completely sheathed inside of you.

"You are such a good girl, taking it all in" he grunts, gritting his teeth against the urge to thrust now, hard and fast. Because you are so tight, and the way you shiver beneath him puts him on the verge of insanity. Instead, he moves slowly, his breath coming in shallow, shaky sighs.

But once you catch your breath, all previous considerations are thrown out the window. His pace quickens, and soon he is thrusting into you hard enough to make the bedframe hit the wall, leaving shallow scuffs on the cement. You let out wordless cries, completely lost in nothing but the obscene sound of skin against skin, as you come close to your climax.

It doesn't take long before you let go, twitching, jerking, and grinding against him as you come, almost passing out. By the time you regain a sense of self, you look down as Childe is still pounding into you, seeking his own release in a mix of sweat and blood, a crazed expression drawn in his face.

His grip on the sheets strengthens as he begins fucking you with increased, almost animalistic intensity. And in no time, he comes inside of you with a final thrust, a strangled-sounding moan escaping him, filling you with his seed as he refuses to move as if making sure you receive all of him. That's when you notice the cuts all over his clothes that leak small streaks of blood.

He collapses on top of you, and then you feel the weight of everything that just went down upon your conscious. You feel disgusting, you are not better than him. Your lips tremble as you cry quietly.

You feel like mourning. Not over your past lover, but you, who will never be free.

You didn't just change the monster, you became one.

[drarryspecificrecs]

2021.08 ~ Top 10 longest fics posted on AO3

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※ HONOURABLE MENTIONS :

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---

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